{"id":15532,"date":"2003-12-03T07:43:16","date_gmt":"2003-12-03T12:43:16","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=15532"},"modified":"2025-02-27T12:07:35","modified_gmt":"2025-02-27T17:07:35","slug":"fondue-1-marie-my-fondue-by-robin","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=15532","title":{"rendered":"Fondue #1 – Marie, My Fondue (by Robin)"},"content":{"rendered":"

Summary:<\/strong>\u00a0 Joe asks Ben about his mother, and learns more than he wanted to.<\/p>\n

Rating:\u00a0 T\u00a0 (980 words)<\/p>\n

Fondue Series:<\/strong><\/p>\n

Marie, My Fondue<\/a>
\nFondue Too<\/a>
\nThe Third Fondue Tale:\u00a0 Heidi<\/a><\/p>\n

Author’s Note:<\/strong> \u00a0The REALLY Losts are satires of the series written with much affection, eye rolling,\u00a0\u00a0and winks. \u00a0And can be somewhat risque’.<\/em><\/p>\n

Marie, My Fondue
\n<\/strong>A REALLY Lost Episode<\/strong>
\n<\/strong><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

As they sat around the campfire, Little Joe Cartwright said \u201cPa, can I ask you about my mama?\u201d Joe loved to hear his father tell him about the very dead mother he barely remembered.<\/p>\n

Ben sighed. \u201cAhh, she was like a breath of spring all year long.\u201d Ben sliced up some bread with his knife that he had originally received as a gift during his sailing days from his long lost buddy, Popeye the Sailor Man.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe leaned back on his haunches and stirred the black iron pot of cheese fondue. It was his mother\u2019s recipe from New Orleans, Cajun Swiss Fondue. He pulled the fondue forks out of his saddlebag as the fragrant dish bubbled. Ben uncorked the diet Pepsi and poured both of them a good measure. \u201cGot Twinkies for dessert son,\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201d Mama was a breath of spring? Like one of them room air fresheners?\u201d Joe asked. As manly cowboys who ate lots of beans in many forms, and stepped in various gooey substances in the barn, the Cartwrights also used loads of air fresheners.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben nodded. \u201cOr a big dish of potpourri on the coffee table. The sturdy low, table you always put your feet upon, my adorable son.\u201c<\/p>\n

\u201dIs that why you don\u2019t like me to put my feet on the table Pa?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201dYes, that and because that was the place\u2026the SPECIAL SPOT.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201dThe place? The SPECIAL SPOT ?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cYou know son\u2026 the place, THE SPECIAL SPOT. And nine months later you were born in the little room upstairs,\u201d Ben wiggled his eyebrows suggestively. \u201cAhhh, Marie!\u201d he sighed remembering their heated passion that night on the coffee table in front of the roaring fire.<\/p>\n

Joe nodded thinking how he would have to share that bit of info with his brothers when they got home from branding the naugas. And Hoss thought he was hot stuff because he was conceived on a wagon train during a stampede and Adam thought being conceived during a Boston Pops concert was pretty good.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe wondered if the checkerboard was on the \u201cSPECIAL SPOT\u201d.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben stared at his handsome son in the flickering firelight. \u201cWe almost named you \u201cKing Me Cartwright.\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe grinned. He was absolutely right in regard to the placement of the checkerboard.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cYou look a lot like your mother, Joe. Same brown curls and eyes like a dill pickle slices on a sesame seed bun. Speaking of buns.. Your mama had great buns. Some day I hope you and your brothers find a woman with buns like Marie.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201dSesame seed buns?\u201d Joe kept stirring the fondue.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben shook his head. Good thing he sent Adam to college; the other two would have to get by on their personality and muscles. Maybe Joe would find a rich girl who like WOWza. \u201cYou have her hot temper too, son. And her fast draw.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201dMama had a fast draw? Could she draw Binky on the match book like Adam and go to college?\u201d Joe smiled adorably.<\/p>\n

\u201dNo my handsome and favorite son. Not draw pictures, draw a gun.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201dMama was a quick draw with a gun? Like Moi?\u201d Joe was amazed. \u201cThe fondue is done, Pa. Dig in and tell me about Mama and her fine shooting.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201dShe shot like Dead Eye Pete or Quick Draw McGraw.\u201d Ben sighed.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cThe cartoon horse cowboy? Cochise and I watch that show on Saturday morning and eat Cheerios together. They are made from oats and horses love oats, Pa.\u201d Joe speared a neat cube of bread and dipped it into the fondue.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cCoochie doesn\u2019t put his\/her hooves on the table, does he Joseph?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe shook his head and looked more handsome than imaginable.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cMarie was a great shot. Hot tempered, and a great shot.\u201d Ben blew on the hot gooey cheese and sipped his diet Pepsi.<\/p>\n

\u201dWhen did you find out about Ma being a great shot Pa? Did outlaws attack the Ponderosa?\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben shook his head.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cIndians?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201dNo\u201d Ben took a bite of the fondue.<\/p>\n

\u201dMimes? Plether thieves? Gypsies, tramps and thieves and Sonny and Cher?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201dNo, son. I found out just after we married in New Orleans. We were on our way back to the Ponderosa. We were traveling that last stretch through the Sierras. Just Marie and me. Very HARD trip but romantic too.\u201d Ben sighed. Marie was as hot as the damn fondue that had singed his tongue. He gulped down a big glug of the Pepsi and burped in a manly cattle baron way. \u201cGREPS!\u201d Ben belched.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe winked at Pa thinking of a long honeymoon from New Orleans by way of Club Med and Disneyland.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWe hadn’t gone too far when Marie\u2019 horse stumbled. Your beautiful mother quietly said, ‘That’s once.’ We proceeded a little further and the horse stumbled once again. Once more your beautiful mother quietly said, ‘That’s twice.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe nodded and wiped his chin on his sleeve. He wondered if his Pa had those burning map boxers on his honeymoon.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWe hadn’t gone a half- mile when the horse stumbled the third time. My new wife quietly removed a revolver from her pocket and shot the horse<\/p>\n

Dead.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cDead, Pa?\u201d Joe was amazed. \u201cMama shot the horse?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cShe was beautiful but very hot headed, Joseph.\u201d Ben scrounged around in his saddlebag for his dessert. \u201cTwinkie?\u201d He tossed one to his son and unwrapped his own.<\/p>\n

\u201dI started to protest over her treatment of the horse when she looked right at me. Right at me, Joe and your mama said ‘Benjamin, that’s once.’ ”<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The two men stared in the flames as the campfire burned down. \u201cShe liked fondue too, son.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cShe was like a breath of spring?\u201d Joe asked swallowing the last of his Pepsi and opening the bottle of Mountain Dew.<\/p>\n

Ben nodded. \u201cAnd a damn good shot too.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

*****End*****<\/p>\n

Next Story in the Fondue Series:<\/strong><\/p>\n

Fondue Too<\/a>
\nThe Third Fondue Tale:\u00a0 Heidi<\/a><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Summary:\u00a0 Joe asks Ben about his mother, and learns more than he wanted to.<\/p>\n

Rating:\u00a0 T\u00a0 (980 words)<\/p>\n

Fondue Series, links to all the stories within the series are included.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":44,"featured_media":14367,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"template-full-width-post.php","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_members_access_role":[],"_members_access_error":""},"categories":[23,4,8],"tags":[15,16],"class_list":["post-15532","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-drama","category-humor","category-short-stories","tag-ben","tag-joe","wpcat-23-id","wpcat-4-id","wpcat-8-id"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/06\/ARLE-e1497282889671.png?fit=570%2C416&ssl=1","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/15532","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/44"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=15532"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/15532\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/14367"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=15532"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=15532"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=15532"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}