{"id":15543,"date":"2004-02-04T09:35:48","date_gmt":"2004-02-04T14:35:48","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=15543"},"modified":"2025-02-27T12:08:33","modified_gmt":"2025-02-27T17:08:33","slug":"return-to-eastgate-by-robin","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=15543","title":{"rendered":"Return to Eastgate (by Robin)"},"content":{"rendered":"

Summary:\u00a0\u00a0<\/strong>Ben should have remembered.\u00a0 What happened later for The Crucible.<\/p>\n

Rating:\u00a0 T\u00a0 (4,200 words)<\/p>\n

Author’s Note:<\/strong> \u00a0The REALLY Losts are satires of the series written with much affection, eye rolling,\u00a0\u00a0and winks. \u00a0And can be somewhat risque’.<\/em><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Return to East Gate\u00a0<\/strong>
\nA REALLY Lost Episode<\/strong><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben was traveling\u00a0to East Gate.<\/p>\n

It was years since he had been there hunting for Adam. This time, he was there to give his opinion on a small ranch one of his long time old friends, George Smedly hoped to buy. George would meet Ben in East Gate and then go examine the property.<\/p>\n

Penelope Smedly wasn\u2019t sure she wanted to relocate to a new ranch. She loved the old ranch, despite it having only one out house, no not-yet-invented stainless steel appliances and a leaking roof. She loved the coziness and the view of the pig trough near the kitchen door and the fact that she had raised her children in the place. Mrs. Smedly insisted they could fix the place up and stay.<\/p>\n

George wanted to sell the ranch and get a new ranch with a bigger barn, room for more cattle and a creek that didn\u2019t run dry each summer. He wanted a new ranch.<\/p>\n

Ben, a good friend, could see both viewpoints — fixing up the old ranch as well as selling the place and moving on. He was going to East Gate to help the Smedly\u2019s decide if they should love it or list it\u2026.much like Hop Sing\u2019s favorite show on not-yet- invented HGTv.<\/p>\n

Both Hoss and Joe argued with Ben before he left that he shouldn’t make the trip alone, that there was lots of bad country for him to be travelling through on his own. Ben was furious at their attitude and dug his heels in even more. “Do you think I’m old and feeble? Why, I am perfectly able to come and go as I please! Heck! I\u2019m going to be a guest host on not-yet-invented HGTv\u2019s \u2018Love it or List it!”<\/p>\n

His sons finally gave up their fight when Ben offered to wire them when he arrived in East Gate.<\/p>\n

Joe told him exactly where the telegraph office was and where the bath\u00a0house and saloon were, and said he heard there was now a new-fangled, not-yet-invented Starbucks in town as well. The memory of that town and searching for Adam was etched in his mind all these years later.<\/p>\n

**********<\/p>\n

“We should have heard from Pa two days ago!” Joe argued.<\/p>\n

“Maybe he’s just peeved at how we acted before he left the Ponderosa and making us stew,” Hoss suggested, even though he knew their father wouldn’t behave like that. Pa was not one to cause his boys unnecessary stress.<\/p>\n

“Let’s saddle the horses and pack some gear. Let’s\u00a0go hunt for him,” Joe insisted.<\/p>\n

Hop Sing absentmindedly rearranged the throw pillows on the settee, imitating the arrangement he saw last on not-yet-invented HGTv\u2019s \u201cDesign Star\u201d. He carefully gave each pillow a karate chop in the middle of the top edge, giving it that perfect combination of poof and fluff. \u201cRoom needs better fung shui! This look too much like Man Cave!\u201d<\/p>\n

“It’s already done. I saddled our horses at sun up. Let\u2019s ride!” Hoss said, putting on his hat. \u201cHop Sing packed us some grub\u2026beans\u2026and fromage sandwiches.\u201d<\/p>\n

Hop Sing nodded. \u201cYou eat fromage! Go find Mistah Cartwright!\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe was too worried about their father to spill the secret that, since Hoss insisted that he despised cheese, Hop Sing had started calling cheese \u201cfromage\u201d after watching Julia Child on the not-yet-invented TV in the kitchen.<\/p>\n

“Let’s ride!\u201d Joe said.<\/p>\n

**********<\/p>\n

Ben Cartwright was dying of thirst. Outlaws had ambushed him as he rode in the desert towards East Gate, not far from where he had found Adam dragging dead\u00a0Kane behind in a travois.<\/p>\n

The outlaws had stolen Ben’s horse, his gear, his canteen and all his money, as well as the keys to his not-yet-invented Chevy. The rancher was left in the dust to try to walk across the desert to East Gate. He was surrounded by rocks, sand, cactus and dust.<\/p>\n

“Maybe my boys were right. I shouldn’t have made this trip alone.” Suddenly he remembered that there was a certain amount of liquid in cactus. Perhaps if he could cut into the cactus and drink the juice, he could survive.<\/p>\n

He had a teeny tiny pen knife in his pocket that the outlaws had missed. He saw the first bunch of low growing blue-green cactus. There were even some plump, pinkish fruits on the cactus. He picked some and ate them.<\/p>\n

Suddenly Ben looked up. There was a bridge in front of him. A charming stone bridge that was just there. There was no river or creek flowing beneath it, nor did it connect two sides of a chasm. It was just a bridge in the middle of nowhere, much like a pork barrel project by a dang fool politician wasting tax dollars to bring construction work to his district in West Yenimsvelt, the county next to East Gate.<\/p>\n

“I wonder why I didn’t see this before. Maybe because I was so thirsty?”
\nHe made his way towards the bridge. Suddenly a small herd of goats came down the trail.<\/p>\n

“Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!” said the goats.<\/p>\n

\u201cGoats? I didn\u2019t know there were goats in these parts!\u201d Ben said to himself.<\/p>\n

\u201cBaaaaaAAAaaa!\u201d said the goats.<\/p>\n

Suddenly, the sounds the goats made seemed to make sense. It seemed as if the goats were introducing themselves to Ben Cartwright as the Three Billy Goats Gruff.<\/p>\n

“My name is Cartwright, Ben Cartwright. I seem to be lost here in the desert.”<\/p>\n

The\u00a0smallest goat said “There is a troll under the bridge who is making our lives miserable. He has red hair.”<\/p>\n

“His name is Red, the Ugly Troll!” said the middle goat.<\/p>\n

“If you can get\u00a0rid of him, we will help you get home,” said the largest goat.<\/p>\n

“I’ll try!” Ben said. He always was a helpful cowboy and a role model for folks who watched him on Bonanza each Sunday night on not-yet-invented TV.<\/p>\n

***********<\/p>\n

The two Cartwright brothers had been hunting for their father day in and day out. Exhausted, they climbed down from their weary horses and started to make camp in the desert.<\/p>\n

“It’s been a full week since Pa’s been missing,” Hoss sighed. “No one’s seen hide nor hair of him.” He finished making the fire and started to cook a pot of beans for their dinner.<\/p>\n

“We can’t give up!” Joe exclaimed. “Did Pa give up when Adam was lost and held prisoner by Kane?” He set down his bedroll next to Hoss’.<\/p>\n

Hoss shook his head; a tear trickled down his cheek. He sat down next to his brother and put his arm around Joe’s shoulder.<\/p>\n

“Did Pa give up when you were lost and had amnesia and those Dutch people held you prisoner?” Joe squeezed his brother’s arm. A tear trickled down Joe\u2019s cheek. He cried so cute.<\/p>\n

Hoss shook his head; a tear trickled down his cheek. “Did Pa give up when you were lost and that Angus Borden said he was Joe Cartwright?”<\/p>\n

Joe burst into tears and threw himself into Hoss’ arms. “I want my PAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!”<\/p>\n

“He’s my Pa too!” said a deep voice from the darkness.<\/p>\n

Joe and Hoss quickly grabbed their guns. “Who is there?” Hoss shouted into the darkness.<\/p>\n

“Come out and let us see you or we’ll shoot!” Joe added.<\/p>\n

“And come out real slow with your hands raised!” ordered Hoss.<\/p>\n

Like a panther emerging from the shadows came a tall man in black. Was it Paladin?<\/p>\n

NO!<\/p>\n

Was it Johnny Cash?<\/p>\n

NO!<\/p>\n

Was it Ell Gallo from the Fantastiks?<\/p>\n

Of course not!<\/p>\n

It wasn’t even Darth Vader who would have said “LUKE, I AM YOUR FATHER\u201d rather than “He’s my Pa too!”<\/p>\n

It was their long-absent brother, Adam Cartwright.<\/p>\n

“Adam!” Joe said, launching himself into his brother’s arms.<\/p>\n

“Adam!” Hoss said, gathering him in a massive bear hug.<\/p>\n

“Mmmafffhs cough cough!” gasped Joe, who was somehow mushed in between his two older brother’s hugging and was being squeezed to death by the too larger men. Joe was so cute even when he was being squeezed to death.<\/p>\n

Being loving brothers, Hoss and Adam immediately sensed their younger brother’s distress and released their boa constrictor like embrace before Joe was flattened into fruit leather.<\/p>\n

“Adam! Where have you been?” Joe asked after his lungs re-inflated.<\/p>\n

“Been travelling….I’ve been a puppet, a pauper, a pirate,
\nA poet, a pawn and a king.
\nI’ve been up and down and over and out
\nAnd I know one thing;
\nEach time I find myself, flat on my face,
\nI pick myself up and get back in the race.” he sang.<\/p>\n

“That’s life,” Hoss declared.<\/p>\n

“That’s what the people say,” Joe agreed.<\/p>\n

“I tell you, I can’t deny it,
\nI thought of quitting, baby,
\nBut my heart just ain’t gonna buy it.
\nAnd if I didn’t think it was worth one single try,
\nI’d jump right on a big bird and then I’d fly.” Adam added pointing to his small not-yet-invented air plane, a Cessna 310,\u00a0which he had landed on the salt flats a few hundred yards from his brothers\u2019 camp. “Been working for Sky King on the Flying Crown Ranch down in Arizona. He lent me\u00a0his not-yet-invented\u00a0plane, the Song Bird. He has a really pretty niece, Penny.”<\/p>\n

\u201cDid he lend her to you too?\u201d Joe asked hopefully.<\/p>\n

Adam rolled his eyes.<\/p>\n

**********<\/p>\n

Not far from where his three sons were having a heartfelt family reunion (accompanied by a pot of Hoss\u2019 Mesquite Beans and liberal doses of Doc Martin\u2019s not-yet-invented Beano to relieve gas), Professor Harold Hill, a boys’ band organizer and leader who made a dubious living selling band instruments and uniforms to naive townsfolk, found Ben Cartwright lying semiconscious on the desert sand. Ben was lying in the middle of a big field of blue-green cactus with pink fruit. He was holding one of the plum pink fruits, half eaten in his hand.<\/p>\n

After Professor Hill checked the delirious rancher\u2019s pockets, he took Ben\u2019s not-yet-invented credit cards and lucky rabbit\u2019s foot made from the large paw of a Gerby Royal. He ignored the half-used not-yet-invented Chapstick and the pocket versions of the gold framed pictures of the three dead wives and the partially eaten jelly donut. He loaded Ben into the back of his buckboard and brought him into River City, the nearest town. River City was a strange name to use for a one horse, rundown settlement in the middle of the desert, but the founder had a cynical sense of humor.<\/p>\n

Ben was delirious and muttering about red haired trolls and goats and bridges and burning maps and pi\u00f1atas and \u201cmy three sons\u201d. Assuming the man was Fred McMurray, Hill brought him to the office of the only doctor in town, retired Army Doctor Sherman Potter.<\/p>\n

\u201cFound this fellow lost in the desert. He looks pretty bad off and needs doctoring,\u201d said Hill.<\/p>\n

\u201cHmmmMMMm,\u201d said Doc Potter. \u201cLooks like he is pretty bad off and needs doctoring. Have any idea who he is?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cMaybe Fred McMurray?\u201d Hill shrugged. \u201cBy the way, do you have a pool hall in this town?\u201d His pockets were filled with Ben\u2019s not-yet-invented credit cards.<\/p>\n

\u201cSure, right across the street from the River City Library,\u201d Potter said. \u201dNow get out of here and let me tend to Mr. McMurray.<\/p>\n

**********<\/p>\n

Adam, Hoss and Joe scoured the desert looking for their father.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s a good thing Hop Sing put them not-yet-invented brillo pads and a can of Ajax in with our supplies. It makes scouring the desert much easier,\u201d said Adam.<\/p>\n

\u201cToo bad he didn\u2019t put in some Mr. Clean too,\u201d said Little Joe. \u201cAnd some of those not-yet-invented Swifters with disposable microfiber pads.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIt sure would be easier hunting if\u2019n we had another feller with us. But Hop Sing didn\u2019t put in that many fromage sandwiches and Adam jest ate the last one.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cFromage?” Adam raised his left eyebrow. \u201cI ate cheese.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHush up, Adam!\u201d Joe waved both hands. \u201cHop Sing made FROMAGE from Julia Child\u2019s recipe.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cJulia Child?\u201d Adam sighed longingly as he nostalgically remembering his brief, torrid romance with Julia when he was in Back East University and interned at PBS. It was a brief and sizzling interlude, much like flaming crepes Suzette or briefs instead of boxers. They parted as friends and Adam went back to the Ponderosa with an autographed copy of the not-yet-written Mastering the Art of French Cooking<\/em>.<\/p>\n

Before Adam could explain to Hoss that fromage was French for cheese, Hoss yelled \u201cLOOOK!\u201d and leaped from his horse Chub and ran towards a cluster of blue green cactus with pink fruit. \u201cLOOOoooK!\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam and Joe jumped off of their horses. They raced after their eagle-eyed brother while Chub and Beauty (Adam\u2019s horse) watched Cochise brew up a pot of coffee.<\/p>\n

\u201cLook!\u201d Hoss exclaimed, holding up something in his baguette sized fist. \u201cPa\u2019s teeny tiny pen knife!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s Pa\u2019s teeny tiny pen knife all right!\u201d Joe agreed, nodding his head like a bobble-headed giveaway doll of not-yet-born Mickey Mantle that he had received at the opening game of the NY Yankees vs. The Virginia City Miners (in the minor league).The Miners lost of course\u2026their shovels were no match for the Yankee bats. Joe had taken one of his doomed girlfriends along, Doomella Spaulding. Late in the seventh inning, Doomella was hit between the eyes by a foul ball off the bat of Sven Svinkmen of the Miners. Despite Joe\u2019s valiant attempt to administer mouth to mouth resuscitation and external heart massage, Doomella died.<\/p>\n

\u201cAre you sure?\u201d Adam asked.<\/p>\n

\u201cSure I\u2019m sure!\u201d Hoss said holding up the teeny tiny gold pen knife. “Lookee here at the inscription!\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam squinted and started to read the teeny tiny engraved inscription on the teeny tiny gold pen knife. \u201cTo the honorable and beloved Benjamin Cartwright of the Ponderosa in honor of his steadfast and everlasting, as well as courageous, leadership of the Virginia City, Nevada, Cattleman\u2019s Association. President and Founder. What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. Thanks for all you have done for Virginia City from your fellow members of the Cattleman\u2019s Association.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou done read that real good, Adam. It was a lot of words on that there teeny tiny gold pen knife,\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam nodded. \u201cIt sure was. And it wasn\u2019t easy reading that teeny tiny engraving on the teeny tiny gold pen.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSean O\u2019Brien did it,\u201d Hoss explained.<\/p>\n

\u201cWho is that?\u201d Adam asked.<\/p>\n

\u201cSean is one of Hoss\u2019 leprechauns. He got a job in the Virginia City Trophy and Jewelry Shop. No one can do that teeny tiny engraving like Sean.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam carefully wrapped their father\u2019s pen knife in his handkerchief and put it in his pocket. \u201cLet\u2019s ride!\u201d<\/p>\n

**********<\/p>\n

Meanwhile back in River City at Doc Potter\u2019s Office…<\/p>\n

\u201cHow\u2019s that patient doing?\u201d Mrs. Potter said as she unpacked the dinner basket she had brought from home for her hubby and their ward Walter \u201cNot-Yet-Invented Radar\u201d O\u2019 Reilly. When he was fighting in the Civil War, Doc Potter had found the lad, a drummer boy, and brought him home to River City.<\/p>\n

\u201cComing along. He\u2019s pretty delirious. Rambling on about his three sons. Fella who brought him in said his name is Fred Mc Murray.\u201d<\/p>\n

Doctor Sherman Potter poured himself another cup of coffee as his patient in the other room sang loudly:<\/p>\n

\u201cPicture yourself in a boat on a river
\nWith tangerine trees and marmalade skies
\nSomebody calls you, you answer quite slowly
\nA girl with kaleidoscope eyes<\/p>\n

Cellophane flowers of yellow and green
\nTowering over your head
\nLook for the girl with the sun in her eyes
\nAnd she’s gone<\/p>\n

Lucy in the sky with diamonds
\nLucy in the sky with diamonds
\nLucy in the sky with diamonds
\nAaaaahhhhh…\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHe has a nice singing voice,\u201d said Walter O\u2019Reilly. He sat down and tucked a checkered napkin under his collar and started eating the tuna noodle casserole that Mrs. Potter had served him. \u201cSort of deep and fatherly.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cFollow her down to a bridge by a fountain
\nWhere rocking horse people eat marshmallow pies
\nEveryone smiles as you drift past the flowers
\nThat grow so incredibly high<\/p>\n

Newspaper taxis appear on the shore
\nWaiting to take you away
\nClimb in the back with your head in the clouds,\u201d sang the patient from the other room. \u201cAnd you’re gone.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHe sure does have a lovely voice. Do you think if he survives, he might want to sing in our church choir?\u201d asked Mrs. Potter. She poured some cider for Walter and her husband. \u201cI\u2019m heating some water for tea, if that\u2019s all right with you, Sherman.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cTea would be fine,\u201d said Sherman. He buttered his bread and took a bite. “No one makes tuna noodle casserole like you do, dear.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s a recipe I got from Mrs. Crocker.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBetty?\u201d asked her husband.<\/p>\n

\u201cYes. She is such a swell cook. I\u2019ll tell her you liked it.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m sure McMurray will survive\u2026He\u2019s just hallucinating a bit.” Potter sipped his cider.<\/p>\n

\u201cThink he\u2019ll stay in town?\u201d Walter asked hopefully. \u201cMr. Starbuck needs some help in his caf\u00e9.”<\/p>\n

\u201cHe\u2019s welcome to our spare room until he finds a place of his own. He\u2019s an awful nice looking man. \u201cMrs. Potter suggested. She mentally started making a list of her unmarried friends. Betty Crocker topped the list. And if Betty wasn\u2019t a match for this Mr. McMurray, perhaps he would court her widowed cousin in Stockton, Victoria Barkley.<\/p>\n

\u201cIf he decides to stay\u2026\u201d Doc said. \u201cMaybe he has a place and family. He did say something about three sons. \u201c<\/p>\n

\u201cMaybe they are hunting for him,\u201d Walter said. He started eating his dessert — red Jell-O with fruit cocktail. \u201cHe does have a nice singing voice.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cLucy in the sky with diamonds
\nLucy in the sky with diamonds
\nLucy in the sky with diamonds
\nAaaaahhhhh…\u201d<\/p>\n

***********<\/p>\n

The horses started galloping as soon as they entered River City and smelled the fresh brewed coffee wafting from the caf\u00e9.<\/p>\n

\u201cCoffee!”whinnied Cochise.<\/p>\n

\u201cGoldurn you and your pinto, Little Joe!\u201d growled Hoss as Chubb took the corner on two hooves. \u201cWhy the heck did you get that pony hooked on caffeine?\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe grinned and winked and looked all-around adorable as he swung from the saddle with the grace and agility and tight pants of a cowboy Mikhail Baryshnikov. \u201cCoochie had to keep awake when I had late dates and would be riding home to beat the sunrise\u2026.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cMake mine double caffeinated with foam and shaved chocolate!\u201d Coochie called as Joe sauntered into the cafe. \u201cAnd don\u2019t be flirting with any cute waitresses while I stand out hear pawing the ground and whinnying, Joe-boy!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cDe Caf for me!\u201d Chub called.\u201d I have trouble sleeping.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWho else?\u201d Joe called over his shoulder. He looked so adorable when he took coffee orders from cranky horses.<\/p>\n

\u201cBlack for me! \u201c Adam said. \u201cAnd some rugalach!\u201d He loved rugalach and bobka. They reminded him of his friend Lillian in New York City.<\/p>\n

\u201cCocoa and some waffles would be good,\u201d Hoss suggested. \u201cWith a bit of maple syrup and strawberries\u2026like Hop Sing makes for Sunday brunch.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAre you kidding? If you want all that, you better come and help me carry it all out. Styrofoam cups haven\u2019t been invented yet and those crockery dishes get heavy,\u201d Joe demanded. He pouted. \u201cAnd what the heck is brunch? It ain\u2019t even been invented yet, Brother!\u201d<\/p>\n

Grumbling, Hoss climbed down from his saddle and followed Joe inside.<\/p>\n

\u201cI thought he would never get off!\u201d Chubb grumbled as he rubbed his back against the hitching post. \u201cThat boy has been eating too much breakfast, lunch, supper, dinner, snacks\u2026and now he wants BRUNCH!\u201d<\/p>\n

Suddenly the Cartwrights and their horsies heard someone singing from the Doctor\u2019s office across the street\u2026<\/p>\n

\u201cLucy in the sky with diamonds
\nLucy in the sky with diamonds
\nLucy in the sky with diamonds
\nAaaaahhhhh…\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cTHAT\u2019S OUR PA!”exclaimed Joe, Hoss and Adam in brotherly unison from inside Mr. Starbucks coffee shop.<\/p>\n

\u201cNo one sings like Ben Cartwright!\u201d exclaimed Beauty, twitching her ear in the direction of the song.<\/p>\n

\u201cUnless its Lorne Greene singing \u201cRingo,\u201d grumbled Cochise, pawing the ground with his\/her hoof. “Yo, Joe! Shake a leg with my coffee! \u201c<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd bring me a couple of those nice big oatmeal cookies too!\u201d added Chub. \u201cI need some energy if I\u2019m stuck hauling the big one around.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHold your horses, horsies!\u201d giggled the adorable freckle-faced lad with the stupid bowl-like, derby-ish hat who happened to be passing by on his way to Chucky Cheese to pish in the ball pit.<\/p>\n

\u201cLucy in the sky with diamonds…”<\/p>\n

“THAT\u2019S OUR PA!” exclaimed Joe, Hoss and Adam in unison from inside Mr. Starbucks coffee shop.<\/p>\n

“Lucy in the sky with diamonds
\nLucy in the sky with diamonds
\nAaaaahhhhh…\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cTHAT\u2019S OUR PA!”repeated Joe, Hoss and Adam in unison as they abandoned the idea of getting coffee or rugalach or oatmeal cookies or flirting with the busty blue-dressed, pretty blonde girl who was re-filling the not-yet-invented Sweet and Low bins. They dashed down the street towards Doc Potter\u2019s office. \u201cTHAT\u2019S OUR PA!”<\/p>\n

***********<\/p>\n

As soon as his three sons burst into Doc Potter\u2019s office and embraced their beloved Pa in their manly embrace, Ben Cartwright regained his memory. \u201cJoe! Hoss! ADAM!!!\u201d Ben exclaimed. \u201cAdam! Adam, Adam! Oh my goodness! I haven\u2019t seen you since season six!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cDid you think I was dead and gone?\u201d Adam teased. \u201cI wrote home every week!\u201d He wasn\u2019t going to admit he Skyped with Hop Sing for years as his Pa was such a technophobe.<\/p>\n

\u201cLooks like Mr. McMurray is really Ben Cartwright!\u201d Doc Potter declared after hearing Adam, Hoss and Joe\u2019s tale. \u201cWalter, write up a bill for Mr. Cartwright and send them on their way.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNot until you boys have some yummy waffles for BRUNCH!\u201d smiled Mrs. Potter. \u201cI can\u2019t let Mr. Cartwright depart on an empty stomach!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cMmmmmmMMMM!\u201d Ben smiled. \u201cNothing like waffles with my three sons!\u201d<\/p>\n

**********<\/p>\n

Epilogue<\/u><\/p>\n

There was an awful scream and a pounding on the ranch house door.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m back!\u201d He tried to come into the house, much like a cockroach. The three Billy goats sent me! Aren\u2019t you going to let me in?\u201d Red the Ugly Troll, the troll from under the bridge, whined. \u201cDon\u2019t you want to make me part of your family? You left and never wrote<\/p>\n

\u201cWrote? No one missed you!” Ben said blocking the door. His sons stood behind him, guns drawn.<\/p>\n

“But…..” Red the Ugly Troll gasped.<\/p>\n

\u201cWe don\u2019t believe in you,” said Ben, glaring at the awful visitor. \u201cRed the Ugly Troll was the name of the troll who lived under the bridge that I hallucinated when I ate that pink cactus in the dessert!\u201d<\/p>\n

You don\u2019t exist!\u201d declared Joe. \u201cPa ate that pink cactus in the desert and you were just a hallucination!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou never existed!\u201d added Hoss. \u201cPa ate that pink cactus!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou are one of Pa\u2019s unfortunate hallucinations. Matter of fact, our friend Lillian dubbed you \u2018Red the Ugly Troll Who?!\u201d said Adam. He nibbled on a rugalach and wished that it was Lillian he was nibbling.<\/p>\n

Ben put his arm around\u00a0Adam\u2019s shoulders. \u201cAs my sons have explained, none of us believe in YOU.\u201d<\/p>\n

You don’t believe in me,” sniveled Red the Ugly Troll, trying to enter the house.<\/p>\n

“I don’t,” said Adam. \u201cYou are one of Pa\u2019s unfortunate hallucinations.\u201d<\/p>\n

“I don’t,” said Hoss. \u201cYou heard what my real brother Adam called you!\u201d<\/p>\n

“I don’t,” said Joe. His trigger finger itched.<\/p>\n

\u201cJoseph!\u201d Ben growled, sensing his true youngest son\u2019s itchy finger. \u201cWe Cartwrights don\u2019t shoot what never was. Why waste a bullet or make noise that might wake up our livestock? Our horses are still resting up from that long trek and all the waffles they ate when they got home. This is but a hallucination, a flashback. You boys don\u2019t believe in hallucinations, mirages, delusions, or even trolls who live under bridges.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd our Pa doesn\u2019t either!\u201d all three brothers said in unison. Ben nodded in agreement.<\/p>\n

“What evidence would you have of my reality, beyond that of your senses?” the brillo-headed boy said. He thought he could put one over on the real Cartwrights but he was wrong of course.<\/p>\n

“I don’t know,” said Hop Sing, who had come from the kitchen brandishing a sharp carving knife that he used to make roses from radishes and carve whole pineapples into doves. Even Hop Sing didn\u2019t want Red the Ugly Troll around.<\/p>\n

“Why do you doubt your senses?” Red the Ugly Troll pleaded.<\/p>\n

“Because,” said Ben, quoting Charles Dickens, “a little thing affects them. A slight disorder of the stomach makes them cheats. You may be an undigested bit of beef, a blot of mustard, a crumb of cheese, a fragment of an underdone potato. There’s more of gravy than of grave about you, whatever you are!”<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd what our father is attempting to say, you hideous troll, you are but a bit of stale dinner that gave us all\u00a0indigestion, so….\u201d Adam began.<\/p>\n

\u201cGET OUT!\u201d Adam, Hoss, Joe, Ben, Hop Sing, all the ranch hands and towns people from Virginia City and River City Boys Band directed by Professor Harold Hill, who happened to be passing by shouted.<\/p>\n

And Red the Ugly Troll Who? was never seen again.<\/p>\n

Perhaps he joined the band, playing the tuba?<\/p>\n

*****End*****<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

<\/div>\n

<\/g><\/svg><\/i> \"Loading\"<\/p>\n

<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Summary:\u00a0\u00a0Ben should have remembered. What happened later for The Crucible.<\/p>\n

Rating:\u00a0 T\u00a0 (4,200 words)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":44,"featured_media":14367,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"template-full-width-post.php","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[23,4,13],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-15543","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-drama","category-humor","category-whn","wpcat-23-id","wpcat-4-id","wpcat-13-id"],"a3_pvc":{"activated":true,"total_views":707,"today_views":0},"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/06\/ARLE-e1497282889671.png?fit=570%2C416&ssl=1","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":5564,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=5564","url_meta":{"origin":15543,"position":0},"title":"Ben Brown (by Hart4Ben)","author":"Hart4Ben","date":"July 13, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"Summary: \u00a0Ben struggles with the frustrations of middle age. 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Rated: \u00a0G (2,000 words) If I'm Dreaming Series, links to all stories of this series included.","rel":"","context":"In "Drama"","block_context":{"text":"Drama","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?cat=23"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/11\/1-joe.jpg?fit=238%2C226&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":12741,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=12741","url_meta":{"origin":15543,"position":5},"title":"Joe’s Way (by DonnaM)","author":"DonnaM","date":"March 23, 2016","format":false,"excerpt":"Summary:\u00a0 A What Happened Later for A Time to Step Down. 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