{"id":15576,"date":"2003-12-05T07:30:06","date_gmt":"2003-12-05T12:30:06","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=15576"},"modified":"2025-02-27T12:07:35","modified_gmt":"2025-02-27T17:07:35","slug":"the-third-fondue-tale-heidi-by-robin","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=15576","title":{"rendered":"The Third Fondue Tale: Heidi (by Robin)"},"content":{"rendered":"

Summary<\/strong>:\u00a0 Why Pa Yodels<\/p>\n

Rating:\u00a0 T\u00a0 (1,730 words)<\/p>\n

Fondue Series:<\/strong><\/p>\n

Marie, My Fondue<\/a>
\nFondue Too<\/a>
\nThe Third Fondue Tale:\u00a0 Heidi<\/a><\/p>\n

The Third Fondue Tale: Heidi<\/strong>
\nA REALLY Lost Episode<\/strong><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2018s time you boys got back from town!\u201d Ben Cartwright said. \u201cI was about to either get worried or have a cup of coffee or practice pilates.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cPilates? What happened to yoga, Pa? \u201d Joe rolled his eyes.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cHeck Pa, you know you are supposed to be cutting back on coffee!\u201d Adam warned. \u201cYou aren\u2019t as young as you used to be.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOk. I lied. I wasn\u2019t going to do pilates and I wasn\u2019t going to drink coffee! I was about to start worrying. I just said that stuff about the yoga and the coffee to seem less\u2026 less\u2026\u201d Ben tried to think of the word that best described his state of mind.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cVexed?\u201d Joe ventured. He had recently learned that word at Miss Abigail Jones\u2019 SAT tutoring class. \u201cAdam, I told Pa you and Hoss could handle yourselves. I, on the other hand, really can\u2019t and, despite my best intentions still need my beloved brothers and beloved Pa to bail my adorable butt out every once and a while. Don\u2019t I, Pa? Don\u2018t I? Don\u2018t I?\u201d Joe threw his arms around Ben\u2019s neck and gave him a big squishy wet kiss on the cheek as he reached behind his father. \u201cI need you Pa and love you! I love you more than I love Cochise! OH PAAaaaaaaaaaaaa! \u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben rolled his eyes at Joe\u2019s overt suck up behavior and attempt to lift his wallet. \u201cCut it out, Joe. And payday isn\u2019t until next Saturday.\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe giggled. \u201cCouldn\u2019t hurt to ask. I got a date with Marcia and need some dough.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cMarciaMarciaMarcia,\u201d Adam said cynically. \u201cWhen will you ever learn, Little Joe? Beauty is only skin deep but DUMB and SHALLOW is to the BONE! \u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSo…what kept you so long, Adam? And where is Hoss?\u201d Ben asked. He didn\u2019t say anything but it took Adam until he was pushing 35 and hitched his wagon to DUMB and SHALLOW Laura Dayton before he learned his lesson. Had Cousin Zorro not come along, Ben might have her as his daughter-in-law. The very idea gave Ben Cartwright indigestion.<\/p>\n

“You know that crate of Swiss Cheese Hop Sing ordered for fondue?” Adam
\nsaid as he hung up his hat and canary yellow deerskin jacket. (didn\u2019t you always wonder why Adam wore such a GAUDY coat? Could it be that Bonanza was shot in COLOR??? Or was that jacket a gift from a special gal?)<\/p>\n

“Mmmmm…..Fondue!” Ben sighed. “Marie made me fond of fondue! Who is this child?”<\/p>\n

“She’s a little orphan girl,” Hoss said carrying in the adorable sleeping child. She was wearing a quaint embroidered dress with an eyelet trimmed pinafore.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe took copious notes. He was planning his future as a writer\/director\/producer and the costuming on the little girl was just wonderful. He was secretly writing a script about a spunky frontier family called \u201cSmall Cabin on the Frontier” and this outfit was just what he was looking for.<\/p>\n

\u201cWho is the little girl?\u201d Ben asked again. Despite the wishes of many fan fiction writers, Ben Cartwright was thrilled not to have a daughter or granddaughter or niece or foundling or any young girls stay permanently on the Ponderosa. Who needed any more weepy temperamental youngsters living on the ranch arguing over hair products and demanding one of the bedrooms should be painted pink? YUK! And a teenaged girl was worse than typhoid or a plague of locusts.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cShe lived up in the mountains, raising goats with her grand daddy,” Hoss explained, setting the child on the settee where visiting tykes often set.<\/p>\n

“An orphan?” Joe asked. “Where did you find her?” Little Joe patted the child on her head and checked out her perfectly plaited braids. That would be a wonderful hairdo for the little girls in his script. He was naming them Marcia, Jan and Cindy after his favorite girls on the Brady Ranch. Joe was secretly dating all of them as well as their widowed mother. Their stepfather was killed when the building he was working on collapsed and crushed him into mush. Roy Coffee later found out it was murder by watching the reruns. Mr. Brady\u2019s sons had set it up because they hoped to cash in on his life insurance and buy white spandex jump suits and become musical stars with Andy Walker in Vegas. The boys were all cooling their sorry butts in the Territorial Prison in Yuma, taking guitar lessons from Johnny Cash.<\/p>\n

“Where did we find the little orphan gal? She was inside the cheese box,\u201d Hoss explained. \u201cSeems the little orphan gal had been chasing her goat and fell into the crates and got stuck inside.”<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI got shtuck inside the cheese crate! I cwyed and cwyed!\u201d The little girl\u2019s lips trembled almost as adorably as Joe\u2019s lips trembled when he was about to cry. She wiped her runny nose on Hoss\u2019 leg.<\/p>\n

“They shipped her to us by mistake?” Little Joe said. “Can we keep her Pa? Can we? Can we? I always wanted a little sister!”<\/p>\n

Ben shuddered. \u201cNo way Jose!\u201d he said calling Joe by his Spanish name.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhy not, Pa?\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben ignored Joe\u2019s trembling lip and poured himself some brandy.<\/p>\n

“What’s your name, Darlin’?” Hoss asked the child.<\/p>\n

“Heidi, sir,” she answered politely. “Please send me home to my grandfadder!”<\/p>\n

“Can’t we keep her? Please!” Joe nagged. “Come on, Pa! I’ll walk her and clean up after her! Please Pa! I\u2018ll teach her tricks too! ”<\/p>\n

“She isn’t a puppy, Joe.” Adam rolled his eyes and struggled to explain. \u201cAt your age you should know the difference between a girl and a puppy.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss snickered, recalling the time Joe won a girl playing poker because he thought the other player was betting a horse and Adam said almost the same thing. \u201cGood line, Adam!\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI thought it was the first time.\u201d Adam winked at Hoss. \u201cWell worth recycling.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Little Joe made a mental note of that great idea of Adam\u2019s. He hoped that he could write a few great heartwarming, tear jerking scripts and then recycle them into some other great heartwarming, tear jerking script. It was sort of like writing that book report on \u201cGo Dogs Go\u201d in first grade and reusing it for the next five years. Joe Cartwright was an efficient writer. That was why he always signed his work \u201cJOE\u201d rather than \u201cJOSEPH\u201d so he could save a few letters.<\/p>\n

\u201cSo, Pa, Can I keep her?\u201d Joe tugged on Ben\u2019s vest and looked hopeful.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou can\u2019t keep her!\u201d Ben tossed back a second brandy and bopped Joe with the bottle. \u201cAnd don\u2019t nag or I will send your Game Boy to the orphanage for Game Boy-less orphans and ground you and make you sleep on bricks and take the not yet invented TV out of your room and sell that weird Indian picture on E-Bay!\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe knew Pa meant business but he had to ask one more time. After all, having a little girl hanging around with him when he strolled through the Virginia City Mall was sure babe bait. Gals loved handsome cowboys who were good with kids. “Please, Pa! Heidi is better than a puppy! And she won’t get fleas!”<\/p>\n

“No sir, no fleas. We don’t have fleas in Switzerland. Only Ovaltine and
\nSwiss Cheese and Fondue and skiing and secret bank accounts with numbers!” Heidi said straightening her smocked dress.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cSecret numbered bank accounts?\u201d Ben\u2018s eyes lit up. Since the Wagner gang came through the territory, he wasn\u2019t so thrilled with the security of the Virginia City Savings and Trust.<\/p>\n

“Please send me back home to my grandfadder and my goats!” Heidi pleaded. \u201cGrandfadder makes fondue on Tuesdays and if I leave now, I can be there.\u201d<\/p>\n

“Did I ever tell you how your mother made me fond of fondue on our
\nhoneymoon?” asked Ben.<\/p>\n

“Frequently…” Adam rolled his eyes.<\/p>\n

“Really?” Ben sighed nostalgically. “Marie, my love…”<\/p>\n

“Fondue from Swiss Cheese or Gruyere?” Little Joe wanted all the details. “My mama made you fond of fondue?”<\/p>\n

“Yes! And yodeling!” A single tear rolled out of Ben’s left eye. “Yooo
\ndleeeleellee oooooo!”<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Little Heidi yodeled back “Yooo dleeeleellee oooooo!”<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

“My Dead Mommy taught you to yodel?”<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cAmong other things,” Ben nodded. \u201cMarie studied with a Swiss Yodeling Master when she was a girl in New Orleans. And, no, Joe, you can\u2019t keep the orphan girl.\u201d<\/p>\n

“Pa… can I have fifty bucks for a shipping Heidi back home?” Hoss asked.\\<\/p>\n

Ben was lost in his memories of fondue and yodeling with his beloved Marie and sparring with Little Joe over keeping Heidi. “You know, nine months after your mother taught me to yodel, you were born, Joseph.\u201d<\/p>\n

“In that little bedroom at the top of the stairs?” Joe grinned. He loved
\nthat story. He used that room as his writing den. He would lock himself in there when his father and brothers assumed he had snuck off to play poker or get drunk or have private dinners with Lotta Crabtree.\\<\/p>\n

Ben nodded. “In that little bedroom.”<\/p>\n

“Pa… can I have fifty bucks for a shipping Heidi back home?” Hoss repeated
\nagain. This time, Adam pulled distracted Ben’s wallet out of his pocket and handed Hoss a wad of bills. “Hightail it out of here before Pa gets weepy and tells how your mother fed him gravlox and liggonberries on their honeymoon and my mother made oysters on the half shell. And we all know what oysters are supposed to do!”<\/p>\n

Hoss turned red. He sure didn\u2019t want to hear either story again. He quickly scooped up Heidi and rushed out the door. \u201cI\u2019ll put her on the afternoon stage to Switzerland right quick.\u201d<\/p>\n

“Boys, did I ever tell you how Inger, my love, taught me to eat gravlox and
\nliggonberries?” Ben sighed.<\/p>\n

“And nine months later Hoss was born?” Joe said rolling his eyes. That could make a great episode of \u201cSmall Cabin on the Frontier\u201d. \u201cLet me take notes on that one, Pa! Was it a blizzard? Were there wacky neighbors?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

“I sure wish you had a puppy,\u201d Adam sighed. He didn\u2019t really want to hear Pa\u2019s tales one more time. Some things were better not imagined or discussed or put into screen plays.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ll buy one after I sell the pilot to the network,\u201d Joe whispered. \u201cWant to be a guest star?\u201d<\/p>\n

*****End*****<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Summary:\u00a0 Why Pa Yodels<\/p>\n

Rating:\u00a0 T\u00a0 (1,730 words)<\/p>\n

Fondue Series, links to all the stories within the series are included.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":44,"featured_media":14367,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"template-full-width-post.php","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"The Third Fondue Tale: Heidi (by Robin)","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[23,4,8],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-15576","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-drama","category-humor","category-short-stories","wpcat-23-id","wpcat-4-id","wpcat-8-id"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/06\/ARLE-e1497282889671.png?fit=570%2C416&ssl=1","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/15576","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/44"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=15576"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/15576\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/14367"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=15576"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=15576"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=15576"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}