{"id":15591,"date":"2017-12-05T15:37:33","date_gmt":"2017-12-05T20:37:33","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=15591"},"modified":"2026-06-07T23:55:27","modified_gmt":"2026-06-08T03:55:27","slug":"there-is-a-season-by-jc","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=15591","title":{"rendered":"There Is A Season (by JC)"},"content":{"rendered":"

Summary:<\/strong> A man’s life and the things that matter most are revealed in a series of Christmas Eve vignettes. (Mind you, this is not a Bonanza story.\u00a0 It is a piece of original fiction featuring a character born many years ago in a Bonanza World journal\u2014an actor named Jack Richards, not-so-loosely based on Pernell Roberts. If that intrigues you, or if you\u2019re just in the mood for an easy read in keeping with the season, you may enjoy this. I hope so.)<\/p>\n

Rating: T\u00a0 \u00a0 (11,074 words)<\/p>\n

Jack Richards Series<\/strong>:
\nRight is the Third Left<\/a>
\nWhen Your True Lover Comes Your Way<\/a>
\nThere Is A Season<\/a>
\nReprise<\/a>
\nReturn to Grace<\/a><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Author’s Note:\u00a0 This might appear to be a holiday story, which it is in the sense that Bonanza<\/strong> is a western.\u00a0 In essence, it is the story of a man, one John Patrick Richards (better known as Jack), a retrospective of his life over a span of nearly thirty years\u2014moments of wonder, elation, pride, frustration, helplessness, grief, loneliness, hope and gratitude\u2014pieced together by a common thread of love and viewed through the lens of Christmas. And in that sense, it is a story for all seasons.<\/em><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

THERE IS A SEASON<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u201cFor everything there is a season, and a time for every purpose under heaven.\u201d\u00a0 Ecclesiastes 3:1<\/em><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Preamble:<\/strong>\u00a0 This story actually began the day Jack met his future wife Liz during a publicity photo shoot for a television western in which he had a small role. She was the photographer\u2019s assistant. \u00a0He noticed her right away, but after a friendly conversation she politely told him she did not date actors. It took him a while to convince her to go out with him, which is another story altogether. The rest, as they say, is history.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

1957 — The Blue Velvet Box<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

Leaning against the wall, arms folded across his chest, Jack waited with bridled impatience for Liz to finish the phone call that had interrupted them.<\/p>\n

\u201cYes, Mother, we\u2019ll be there in plenty of time for Christmas dinner.\u201d\u00a0 She paused.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m sure Jack likes cornbread dressing and sweet potatoes.\u00a0 He\u2019s from Georgia, remember?\u201d<\/p>\n

He nodded in answer to her questioning glance, grinning as she rolled her eyes in exasperated endurance of her mother\u2019s soliloquy on the other end.\u00a0 Unable to resist the opportunity, he moved behind her and put his hands on her shoulders, delivering a slow kiss to the back of her neck.\u00a0 Feeling her shiver, his arms went around her and he pulled her closer to nuzzle her ear.<\/p>\n

\u201cPlease hang up,\u201d he whispered so that only she could hear.<\/p>\n

\u201cMother, I\u2019ve got to go.\u00a0 We\u2019ll see you tomorrow.\u201d\u00a0 She put down the phone and turned to receive the full force of his kiss.\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cYou\u2019ve got to stop doing that,\u201d she chided him afterwards.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhy?\u00a0 Don\u2019t you like it?”<\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s the problem.\u00a0 I like it a little too much.\u00a0 You make it very hard to concentrate.\u201d<\/p>\n

He smiled, relishing her softness as he kissed her again, more tenderly this time. \u201cThe only thing you need to concentrate on right now is me.\u201d\u00a0 Taking her hand, he led her to the couch. \u201cSit down; I want to give you your Christmas present.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBut you already gave me the pearls, Jack.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThat was just to throw you off.\u201d<\/p>\n

The surprise in her face assured him he had been successful.\u00a0 Reaching into his jacket, he retrieved the item that had been burning a hole in his pocket all evening.\u00a0 Suddenly he felt very nervous.\u00a0 All his hopes for all his future Christmases lay in this tiny blue velvet box.\u00a0 He placed it in her hand with a silent prayer.<\/p>\n

She stared at it for a moment before opening it, and then she closed her eyes and started to cry.<\/p>\n

\u201cOh, Jack. I didn\u2019t want to fall in love with you because I was sure you would never fall in love with me.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBut it happened anyway, didn\u2019t it?\u201d he murmured, smiling, his confidence restored. \u201cOh, ye of little faith\u2014if you only knew how hard I fell that very first day.\u201d\u00a0 Taking the ring from the box in her hand, he dropped one knee to the floor in front of her. \u201cYou can be sure of one thing.\u00a0 I have never loved anyone the way I love you, and I want to spend the rest of my life showing you just how much. Do you think you can stop crying long enough to say yes?\u201d<\/p>\n

She nodded, sniffling.<\/p>\n

He slipped the ring onto the third finger of her left hand.\u00a0 \u201cElizabeth Kelley, will you please marry me?\u201d<\/p>\n

At her breath of a yes he took her in his arms and kissed away every tear, and she was his from that moment.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

1959 — Waiting for a Miracle<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

It was a quiet night before Christmas, their third one together, not at all like the first two.\u00a0 Jack smiled, recalling their celebration the evening of their engagement and last year\u2019s holiday in Vermont. Liz had longed for snow, and they spent the week at an inn straight out of Currier and Ives, braving the cold outdoors during the day and warming one another indoors at night.\u00a0 There would be none of that this year though. No champagne either.<\/p>\n

Liz nestled herself against him as he joined her on the couch. He knew she was disappointed that her due date had nearly passed with their child yet to make an appearance, and to be honest, so was he. The prospect of becoming a father thrilled him in a way he never imagined.\u00a0 He stroked his wife\u2019s bulging belly, delighting in the kick that responded to his gentle touch.<\/p>\n

She winced.\u00a0 \u201cI think your son is either going to be a football player or a boxer.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou seem a pretty confident that this baby is going to be a boy.\u00a0 What if he turns out to be a she?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t know.\u00a0 I just can\u2019t picture anything other than a Jack, Jr.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNow you know how I feel about that.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI know, I\u2019m just kidding.\u00a0 But we need to come up with something, and soon.”<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, at least we\u2019ve decided on a girl\u2019s name.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0 Liz had been very gracious about his wish to name her after his mother, Kathleen, whom everyone called Kate.\u00a0 If they couldn\u2019t use it this time, they could save it for the next one.\u00a0 After growing up as an only child, he wanted at least three.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou really wouldn\u2019t be disappointed if it\u2019s a girl?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOf course not.\u201d\u00a0 He caressed her cheek. \u201cAll I want is for you and the baby to be healthy.\u00a0 By the way, this is for you,\u201d he said, retrieving a small box from underneath the newspaper on the coffee table. \u201cSorry it\u2019s not wrapped.\u201d<\/p>\n

A frown furrowed her brow.\u00a0 \u201cBut we\u2019ve already exchanged gifts.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, you know me.\u201d<\/p>\n

She gasped when she opened the box.\u00a0 \u201cJack, they\u2019re beautiful!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThey should be.\u00a0 They\u2019re for the ears of the most beautiful woman in the world.\u201d\u00a0 He was ready with the tissue for the tears that followed.\u00a0 For some reason, diamonds always seemed to make her cry.<\/p>\n

\u201cBut it\u2019s not fair,\u201d she sniffed.\u00a0 \u201cI don\u2019t have anything else for you.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSweetheart, you\u2019ve already given me everything I\u2019ve ever wanted, even if you are a little late with the delivery.\u201d\u00a0 He grinned and drew her into his embrace, consoling her with a gentle kiss that became something more until she pulled away reluctantly.<\/p>\n

\u201cI really don\u2019t think you should kiss me that way, Jack, not now.\u201d<\/p>\n

He smiled. \u201cSorry.\u201d\u00a0 The flush in her cheeks was quite beguiling, but starting something they couldn’t finish wasn\u2019t fair to either of them.\u00a0 He leaned over her stomach with a hand to his mouth.\u00a0 \u201cYou need to hurry up and get out here, you know that?\u201d<\/p>\n

She laughed, snuggling next to him as the clock struck midnight, announcing Christmas Day. Patting the place where her lap used to be, he closed his eyes and smiled at the new life rippling beneath his fingers, more content than he could ever remember.<\/p>\n

And when his gift finally arrived five days later in the tiny pink personage of Sara Kathleen Richards, Sara Kate for short, it was Christmas morning all over again.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

1963 — A Stocking Half-Empty, A Stocking Half-Full<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

“More higher, Daddy.\u00a0 I can’t reach.”\u00a0 Perched on her father’s shoulders, Sara patted his balding head with one hand as she strained for the top of the Christmas tree with a star in the other.<\/p>\n

“Sara Kate, that’s about as far as I can go without a ladder, but maybe if you stand up you can reach…hold on….”\u00a0 Jack gripped her waist firmly as he lifted her higher above his head until she planted her bare feet squarely on his shoulders.<\/p>\n

“Jack, don’t you dare drop that child!”<\/p>\n

“Relax, Liz.\u00a0 I’ve got everything under control.\u00a0 Have you got it yet, honey?”<\/p>\n

“Almost.”<\/p>\n

The tree branches were making his nose itch, and there was no way for him to scratch it.\u00a0 “Hurry up, okay?”<\/p>\n

“Okay.”<\/p>\n

“Okay done?”<\/p>\n

“Yes.”<\/p>\n

Jack stepped back and sneezed, swaying her on his shoulders, and though he would have never let her fall, he knew Liz would have a different interpretation.<\/p>\n

Sara giggled. “Bless you, Daddy. Do it again.”<\/p>\n

“No, I think we’re in enough trouble already.”\u00a0 He eased her to the floor, plucking a strand of tinsel from her hair. “Ask Mommy how she likes the tree.”<\/p>\n

“Do you like it, Mommy?”<\/p>\n

Liz scooped Sara into her arms. “I love it.\u00a0 Let’s take a closer look.”<\/p>\n

“You really shouldn’t be picking her up like that, not for at least a couple of weeks. You know what the doctor said.”<\/p>\n

“Don’t worry, Jack.” She sent him a cool glance over her shoulder. “I’ve got everything under control.”<\/p>\n

He frowned and bit his tongue because he knew whatever he said would be the wrong thing.\u00a0 On days like this the tension between them was as thick as San Francisco fog. It had been this way ever since Thanksgiving, and if anything, things had gotten worse over the past month instead of better.<\/p>\n

Jack listened from the couch as a proud Sara showed off their decorating efforts, and he couldn’t help but smile.\u00a0 Just\u00a0 shy of her fourth birthday though a little on the small side, she had a better vocabulary than some kids twice her age, and adults were often surprised and delighted to find themselves engaged in conversation with this lively slip of a girl.\u00a0 Jack doubted there was a smarter or more beautiful child anywhere in the world, his own bias notwithstanding.<\/p>\n

Wriggling from her mother’s arms, Sara fingered a picture ornament on a low branch.\u00a0 “Look, Mommy, here’s you and me and Daddy.”<\/p>\n

“I see.\u00a0 And here you are with Santa.\u00a0 Remember when you sat on his lap last year?”<\/p>\n

Sara ignored her question, directing her attention to another ornament higher on the tree.\u00a0 “Who’s that baby?”<\/p>\n

“That’s you,” said Liz softly, stroking her hair. “That’s how you looked when you first came to live with us.”<\/p>\n

“I’m a big girl now.” She looked up at her and smiled.<\/p>\n

“You certainly are.”\u00a0 Her mother’s smile was wistful.<\/p>\n

“Mommy, can Santa Claus bring us a baby for Christmas?”<\/p>\n

“No, sweetie.\u00a0 Santa Claus doesn’t bring babies.”<\/p>\n

Jack’s heart clenched, watching his wife’s pained expression.\u00a0 Mercifully, the phone rang, and she excused herself to answer it.<\/p>\n

Sara climbed onto couch next to him.\u00a0 “Daddy, can you get us a baby?”<\/p>\n

He pulled her into his lap.\u00a0 “No, angel, I’m afraid that’s something Daddy can’t do either.”<\/p>\n

“Why not?”<\/p>\n

“Babies aren’t like toys, Sara Kate.\u00a0 You can’t buy them. They have to be born.\u00a0 And it takes a long time.”<\/p>\n

“Why does it take a long time?”<\/p>\n

“Because they start out so tiny you can’t even see them, and then they have to grow.”<\/p>\n

“Was I that tiny?”<\/p>\n

“Yep.”<\/p>\n

She looked skeptical. “Then how could you find me if you couldn’t see me?”<\/p>\n

He smiled at her.\u00a0 “Well, the doctor told Mommy where you were, and then you grew, and then you were born.”<\/p>\n

“Oh.”\u00a0 She leaned back against him, quiet for a moment.\u00a0 “Daddy?”<\/p>\n

“Hmm?”<\/p>\n

“Where did I grow before I was born?”<\/p>\n

Jack cleared his throat.\u00a0 He should have seen this one coming.\u00a0 “In your Mommy’s tummy.”<\/p>\n

She sat up, her dark eyes wide with wonder.\u00a0 “How did I get out?”<\/p>\n

“The doctor took you out when you were big enough.”<\/p>\n

“Did the doctor put me in there?”<\/p>\n

“No.”<\/p>\n

Patting his face into a grin, she poked her fingers in his dimples as she laughed. “Then who?”<\/p>\n

He put his arms around her, pausing for only a moment before answering with the truth as he knew it.<\/p>\n

“God did, angel.\u00a0 You were a gift from heaven.”<\/p>\n

Her face brightened as she smiled.\u00a0 “Then we can just ask God for a baby!”<\/p>\n

Liz choked on a sob behind him as he hugged Sara to his chest. A few seconds later he heard the bedroom door close.<\/p>\n

Sara sat up, her expression troubled.\u00a0 “Daddy, what’s wrong with Mommy?\u00a0 Why is she sad?”<\/p>\n

Jack sighed.\u00a0 It was foolish to think Sara hadn’t noticed that things were amiss, even if she didn’t understand why.\u00a0 “She’s just missing someone right now. Mommy’ll be okay.\u00a0 Everybody gets sad sometimes, and it’s alright to cry.”<\/p>\n

“Even you, Daddy?”<\/p>\n

“Even me.\u00a0 But not right now, because I think it’s time for a story.” He tweaked her nose.\u00a0 “Why don’t you go in your room and pick out something you can read to me?”<\/p>\n

“Like ‘Put Me In The Zoo’?”<\/p>\n

“That’s one of my favorites.”<\/p>\n

“Mine, too.” She hopped off his lap with a grin.<\/p>\n

Watching her prance down the hallway on her tiptoes, he felt the unexpected sting of tears. He rested his head in his hands and closed his eyes to squelch them. This Christmas belonged to Sara, and it seemed left up to him to see that it wasn’t spoiled.\u00a0 He could not afford to indulge in those kinds of feelings.<\/p>\n

The first two miscarriages had been early, within the first few weeks, but Liz was nearly five months along with the last one, a boy, lost just before Thanksgiving.\u00a0 And if that wasn’t enough to break their hearts, the surgery that followed dashed any future hopes they might have had. It wasn’t a choice; Jack knew that even as he gave his consent.\u00a0 Alone in the waiting room, reliving the tragic death of a president on television, he mourned the loss of his son and prayed for the life of his wife, while searching for the words to tell her she could have no more babies.<\/p>\n

Her grief was understandable, but it also seemed to blind her to everything else they had that was good.\u00a0 She seemed so intent on hanging onto this pain.\u00a0 He didn’t know what it would take to wake her up, but his patience was wearing a little thin.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

1968 — Silent Night<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

“Ho, ho, ho, who’s ready for Christmas?”<\/p>\n

“Daddy, you’re home!”\u00a0 Sara launched herself into Jack’s arms, nearly knocking him over in her enthusiasm. “I was\u00a0 afraid you wouldn’t get here in time.”<\/p>\n

“I told you on the phone yesterday I’d be here, remember?” he laughed, returning her hug along with a kiss. “Did you miss me as much as I missed you?”<\/p>\n

“I missed you more.”<\/p>\n

“Oh, I doubt that. Gosh, I could just eat you up — you look so pretty, like a blue angel. Is that a new dress?”<\/p>\n

“Yes. Mommy got it for me.”<\/p>\n

“Well, your mommy has always had excellent taste,” he said, more to Liz than Sara.\u00a0 “You look very nice. Sorry I’m late.”<\/p>\n

Liz ignored the compliment as well as the apology.\u00a0 “Don’t even bother getting out of your coat if you’re coming with us.\u00a0 We’re on our way out the door.”<\/p>\n

He longed to kiss her properly but settled for the cheek she offered in the absence of time. Besides, he knew that tone and the look that went with it and decided his best response was compliance. He would let the Christmas Eve service soften her as it always did, and later he could show her how much he missed her, too.<\/p>\n

The church was small, the sanctuary mostly filled when they arrived.\u00a0 Jack knew Sara would have preferred to sit closer to the front but she was too excited to complain.\u00a0 A December baby, she was truly a child of Christmas.\u00a0 She loved everything about the holiday, and the thing Jack loved most was seeing it through her eyes.<\/p>\n

The choir began. Angels we have heard on high, sweetly singing o’er the plains…<\/em><\/p>\n

He smiled, recalling the first candlelight service they attended just before Sara’s third birthday.\u00a0 She was spellbound by the music, and afterwards he asked her which song was her favorite.\u00a0 “The one about Gloria,” she told him.\u00a0 From then on he could never listen to it without thinking of her.<\/p>\n

Gloria in excelsis Deo…<\/em><\/p>\n

Jack welcomed his daughter’s warmth next to him during the reading of the Christmas story.\u00a0 \u00a0Fear not. For lo, I bring you good tidings of great joy….<\/em> He kissed the top of her head and stretched his arm across the back of the pew to squeeze his wife’s shoulder, thinking how young and lovely she looked in the candle glow.\u00a0 She rewarded him with a small smile.<\/p>\n

Away in a manger, no crib for a bed…<\/em><\/p>\n

Children’s voices wafted through the air, and the sound swelled as the congregation joined in.<\/p>\n

Silent night, holy night\u2026<\/em><\/p>\n

There were prayers for peace on earth and goodwill toward men, ending in a choral exhortation to joy.<\/p>\n

Let heaven and nature sing!<\/em><\/p>\n

~*~<\/p>\n

It was nearly midnight by the time they returned home and got Sara into bed.<\/p>\n

“Better get to sleep so Santa can get to work,” said Jack, tucking the covers around her.\u00a0 “What do you hope he’s bringing you this year?”<\/p>\n

“Daddy, I’m in third grade, and nobody in third grade believes in Santa Claus.”<\/p>\n

“Is that a fact?\u00a0 Then who do they think fills their stockings and leaves all those presents under the tree?”<\/p>\n

“Parents, of course.\u00a0 That’s why some kids don’t get any presents at all, because their parents are poor and can’t afford to buy them.”<\/p>\n

“So you figured it out.”\u00a0 He sighed, rubbing the back of his head. “Kinda stinks when you know the truth, huh? That’s why Christmas can be a sad time for some people.”<\/p>\n

“There’s a new girl in my class named Kimberly. She moved here to live with her grandparents because her daddy’s in the war.\u00a0 He’s not coming home for Christmas.”<\/p>\n

Her expression drew him back to the edge of her bed, where he sat down. “I’m sorry for Kimberly.\u00a0 That’s very sad. I hope her daddy gets to come home soon.”<\/p>\n

“Me too.”<\/p>\n

“You never did tell me what you wanted for Christmas.”<\/p>\n

“I already got what I wanted.”<\/p>\n

“And what was that?”<\/p>\n

“You.”<\/p>\n

Her answer surprised him, but not as much as her next question.\u00a0 “Daddy, you’re not ever going in the war, are you?”<\/p>\n

Pulling her into his arms, he reassured her, “No, angel. You don’t have to worry about that. Hey, I’m kinda tired.\u00a0 Would you mind if I stretched out here with you for a while?”<\/p>\n

“I don’t mind.”<\/p>\n

He reached over and turned out the lamp as she curled up beside him.\u00a0 “It’s okay if you have to go away again, Daddy,” she murmured, her voice sleepy.\u00a0 “But come home soon.”<\/p>\n

~*~<\/p>\n

Pausing in the doorway a few minutes later to watch Liz slip out of her dress, Jack no longer felt tired.\u00a0 He approached her from behind and pulled her close enough to convey his desire, nibbling a spot behind her ear.<\/p>\n

“Mmm, you smell as good as you taste.\u00a0 But I want more than just an appetizer.”<\/p>\n

“Is that all you ever think about?”<\/p>\n

Her detached air and look of cool appraisal as she turned toward him only made him more determined.\u00a0 This was a dance he intended to lead.<\/p>\n

“Well, after nearly a month apart I’d say it’s pretty close to the top of my list right now.”\u00a0 He filled his hands with her hair, stopping her mouth with a kiss when she started to speak.\u00a0\u00a0 “I don’t want to talk,” he whispered, taking her lips again, more insistently this time.\u00a0 He sensed her ambivalence waning as she leaned into his kiss.<\/p>\n

Coming up for air, he noted the color in her cheeks with a self-satisfied smile.\u00a0 “So you did miss me, after all.”<\/p>\n

“I tried not to.”<\/p>\n

“Why?”<\/p>\n

“Because I can’t afford to sit around here pining for my absentee husband. I have too much to do.”<\/p>\n

“Pine no more, my lady.\u00a0 Your knight errant is home, willing, able and at your service for the next two weeks,” he murmured, fastening his mouth on the pulse point of her neck.<\/p>\n

“Two weeks?\u00a0 I thought you didn’t start rehearsals for the new show until the middle of February.”<\/p>\n

“Change of plans.”\u00a0 Feeling her stiffen, he raised his eyes to her unsmiling face. “Is there a problem?”<\/p>\n

“Yes, I think there is, and we need to talk.”\u00a0 She moved out of his arms.<\/p>\n

“Now? \u00a0You want to talk about it now?”<\/p>\n

“I think now is a good time, while I’ve got your attention.”<\/p>\n

He frowned.\u00a0 This fly in the ointment of his homecoming was most frustrating.<\/p>\n

“Well, I don’t know what there is to talk about.\u00a0 It was a business decision by the producers, none of my doing.”<\/p>\n

“I’m not talking about the stupid play, Jack,” she said, putting on her robe and tying the belt with a flourish.\u00a0 “I’m talking about us.”<\/p>\n

“What about us?”<\/p>\n

“That’s just what I mean. The problem is that you don’t even realize there is one!”<\/p>\n

“Will you stop talking in circles and tell me what’s wrong?”<\/p>\n

“What’s wrong is the fact that over the past year and a half you’ve been away more than you’ve been home.\u00a0 Your clothes are here and you pay the mortgage, but you don’t really live here.\u00a0 You sweep in here every so often for a few days to spoil your child rotten and make crazy love to me and then you’re gone again.\u00a0 I feel more like a mistress than a wife sometimes. If I didn’t know you better, I’d think you had another family somewhere.”<\/p>\n

Her assertions were so ridiculous he would have laughed out loud, except that he could see from her face that she was deadly serious.\u00a0 He sat down on the bed and stared at her.<\/p>\n

“I don’t even know where to begin to tell you how wrong you are. There is no one else.\u00a0 There could never be.”<\/p>\n

“I’m not accusing you.\u00a0 I told you, I know you better than that.\u00a0 But don’t patronize me by telling me there could never be anyone else.\u00a0 I’m not that naive, and I can’t believe you could be.\u00a0 Whether you want to admit it or not, we’re living two very separate lives.\u00a0 It’s not good for us to be apart so much.\u00a0 There are too many temptations when a person is alone and lonely.”<\/p>\n

He studied her face, suddenly afraid of what she might be saying.\u00a0 “Are you trying to tell me that you…?\u201d<\/p>\n

“Of course not!\u00a0 I’m talking about you.”<\/p>\n

His relief expressed itself in the breath he had been holding. “So let me get this straight.\u00a0 You’re not upset because you think I’ve cheated on you but because you think I might?\u00a0 Why do you want to borrow trouble we don’t have?”<\/p>\n

“I’m not borrowing trouble; I’m trying to prevent it!\u00a0 Why can’t you see what’s happening to us?”<\/p>\n

“The only thing that’s happening to us is in your mind.\u00a0 You’re making something out of nothing.”<\/p>\n

She acted as though she didn’t hear him.\u00a0 “Marriage is a lot more work than you seem to realize, and I’m partly to blame for that because I’ve made it too easy for you.\u00a0 I’ve been doing my share and most of yours while you’ve been out there chasing rainbows.”<\/p>\n

He couldn’t take a remark like that sitting down.\u00a0 “Now wait just a minute,” he said, towering over her like an angry shadow.\u00a0 “In the first place, it’s work.\u00a0 And in the second place, you told me to go.”<\/p>\n

“I let you go.\u00a0 There’s a difference.”<\/p>\n

“You could have said no when I asked you.”<\/p>\n

She shook her head sadly.\u00a0 “No, I couldn’t have. You were so miserable, and that’s when I realized that Sara and I weren’t enough for you.\u00a0 I didn’t want to risk losing you by insisting that you stay. But I didn’t know it would be like this. The fact that you’re happier now, away from us most of the time…does the work really mean that much to you?\u00a0 Is it worth everything we’ve had to give up?”<\/p>\n

“Don’t you understand that what I’m doing is for us, for our future?\u00a0 Liz, if this works out I’ll be able to pick and choose and never leave home again if I don’t want to.\u00a0 This is only a temporary situation, and frankly, I don’t think it’s as bad as you’re making it sound.\u00a0 It’s not like we’re separated the way some families in this country are right now.”<\/p>\n

“Yes, a lot of families have been torn apart by circumstances beyond their control, but we’re on this path mainly because of choices you’ve made.”<\/p>\n

“You’ve made a few choices yourself,” he reminded her.\u00a0 “I begged you to go to Spain with me, as I recall, and you flat out refused.”<\/p>\n

“I couldn’t just pack up and go with you on a whim. You wanted me to pull Sara out of a new school in the middle of the year.”<\/p>\n

“I still don’t know what would have been so bad about that. It would have been a great experience for her, a chance to see things she’d never see in a classroom in Sherman Oaks.”<\/p>\n

“Yes, I’m sure she would have had the time of her life, cooped up in a hotel room all day waiting for the chance to see you when you came in from location exhausted every night.”<\/p>\n

“I told you, that’s not how it would have been.\u00a0 It was chance for us to be together, and you arbitrarily nixed it!”\u00a0 He could hear his voice rising with his anger, so he lowered the volume before he continued.\u00a0\u00a0 “It wasn’t about Sara needing to be in school, was it?\u00a0 It was about control. The real reason you said no was because you could — and to punish me.”<\/p>\n

Her eyes narrowed and she raised her hand to slap him, but he was too quick for her.\u00a0 He could have snapped her slender wrist like a matchstick if he had been that kind of a man, but they both knew he wasn’t.\u00a0 He loosened his grip with an apology, instantly remorseful over the red marks where his fingers had been.\u00a0 She turned away from him, and he knew she was crying.<\/p>\n

He watched her for a few seconds, wondering if she could possibly be right.\u00a0 Whispering her name into her hair, he held her and felt his longing for her return. “Please don’t cry. I’m sorry.\u00a0 I never meant to hurt you.\u00a0 I love you so much.”<\/p>\n

“I love you too, Jack, but I don’t know if that’s enough to keep us from losing each other.”<\/p>\n

“Of course it is.”\u00a0 He turned her in his arms. “That is never going to happen.”<\/p>\n

“You can never say never, Jack.”\u00a0 The look she gave him was a sorrow close to pity as she replied. “If it does happen, it will be when you least expect it. And when something blows up in your face, the person who usually gets hurt the most is the one who didn’t see it coming.”<\/p>\n

He dismissed her warnings, consoling her with kisses and promises, winning her back with ways tried and true until she yielded herself to him completely.\u00a0 They made love as if it was the first and last time, and in the afterglow he nudged her with a gentle rebuke.\u00a0 “How could you ever doubt us when you know how good we are together?”<\/p>\n

The frown returned to her forehead. “Oh, Jack, didn’t you hear anything I said to you?\u00a0 If you think this fixes everything, then we are in trouble because you really don’t understand.”<\/p>\n

“All I really understand is that you are my wife and I love you, if that means anything.”\u00a0 He rolled over, facing the wall. “And you’re wrong about us.”<\/p>\n

Her voice was quiet from the far side of the bed. “I hope with all my heart I am.”<\/p>\n

Jack lay awake for a long time afterwards in the cold silent night before finally losing himself to sleep and dreams that were anything but peaceful.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

1973 — Christmas A.D. (After Divorce)<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

Jack stood on the porch, inhaling the aroma of cedar from the wreath on the door as he waited for someone to answer.\u00a0 It was a strange feeling, ringing the doorbell of a house he once called home, and he wondered if he would ever get used to it.\u00a0 It had only been ten months since he moved out (ten months, one week and five days, to be exact, not hard to remember because it was the day before his fifteenth wedding anniversary), but in some ways it seemed like a lifetime ago.<\/p>\n

He was about to ring again when the door opened.\u00a0 “Hey kiddo, I was beginning to think I’d been stood up.”<\/p>\n

“Sorry, Dad.”\u00a0 Sara welcomed him inside with a smile and a hug.\u00a0 “I was in my room, and Mom’s on the phone with Aunt Cheryl.\u00a0 You’re early, aren’t you?”<\/p>\n

“Oh, I guess I am a bit, but it won’t hurt to get to the airport a little ahead of schedule. You never know what to expect on a holiday.”<\/p>\n

“Okay, I’m almost done.\u00a0 I’ll be out in a minute.”<\/p>\n

“Hello, Jack.”\u00a0 Liz walked in from the kitchen.\u00a0 “We weren’t expecting you this soon.”<\/p>\n

“Yeah, I know.\u00a0 I just thought we might go on to the airport a little early, if that’s okay with you.”<\/p>\n

“It’s probably a good idea.\u00a0 In fact, I’ll be leaving right after you two.\u00a0 I told Cheryl I’d be at Mom’s for dinner.”<\/p>\n

She was wearing an ivory cashmere sweater paired with black slacks, and her hair was shorter and a little lighter, with soft layers around her face that made her dark eyes look bigger.<\/p>\n

“I like your hair,” he told her.\u00a0 “It suits you.”<\/p>\n

“Thanks.\u00a0 It’s easy.\u00a0 I need that.”\u00a0 She smiled.\u00a0 “The beard looks good.”<\/p>\n

“Well, you know how I hate to shave.”<\/p>\n

“I know.\u00a0\u00a0 Is that for Sara?”<\/p>\n

He had forgotten the package in his hand. “No, actually, it’s for you.\u00a0 Merry Christmas,” he said, handing it to her. Prompted by her reluctance, he added, “It’s not much, just a token, really.\u00a0 Open it.”<\/p>\n

“Alright. But let’s sit down.”<\/p>\n

He followed her to the den into what seemed like Christmas past. It was almost as if time had stood still. His leather chair was there by the fireplace, where Sara’s stocking hung from the mantle, and the tree that glowed in front of the window was adorned with tinsel and family history.\u00a0 There was Sara’s gap-toothed kindergarten picture, one of his favorites, and another picture of the three of them on a windswept beach.\u00a0 “Hilton Head,” he murmured.<\/p>\n

“St. Simons,” she corrected him gently.\u00a0\u00a0 “That was a good year.”<\/p>\n

\u201cYes, it was.\u201d He was glad to know he wasn’t the only one who remembered.<\/p>\n

She opened the box and pulled out the silk scarf.\u00a0 “Oh, it\u2019s lovely.”<\/p>\n

“I thought the color was perfect for you.”\u00a0 It was a soft shade of apricot-pink, sure to complement the glow that highlighted her cheeks whenever she laughed. “I hope you’ll wear it.”<\/p>\n

“I will. Thank you,” she said softly. “But you really shouldn’t have, Jack.”<\/p>\n

Staring at her, this incredible woman with whom he had shared a child and a third of his life, he still found it hard to believe they had ended up this way.<\/p>\n

“Old habits die hard, Liz.”\u00a0 He shrugged, emitting a short laugh without humor. “It’s amazing how many things still remind me of you.”<\/p>\n

She looked as though she might cry. “I’m sorry I don’t have a gift for you.”<\/p>\n

He shook his head.\u00a0 “That’s not true.\u00a0 I want to thank you again for letting me take Sara with me today.\u00a0 It means a lot.”<\/p>\n

“It means a lot to her, too.\u00a0 She’s so excited about the trip.”\u00a0 She paused, her eyes glistening. “I would never keep her from you.”<\/p>\n

“I know.”<\/p>\n

Sara appeared with her luggage.\u00a0 “Okay Dad, ready when you are.”<\/p>\n

Jack stood up.\u00a0 “Why don’t I take your bags to the car?\u00a0 Your mother can walk you out.”\u00a0 He knew Sara’s leaving was harder on Liz than she made it appear. “We’ve got plenty of time,” he assured her.<\/p>\n

Liz acknowledged him with a grateful smile as he left them to their goodbyes.\u00a0 A few moments later they emerged from the house; Sara gave her mother a quick hug and bounded toward the car and into the front seat next to Jack.<\/p>\n

He looked up at Liz through the open window. “We’ll call you tonight from the hotel.”<\/p>\n

“I’ll be at Mom’s,” she reminded him.\u00a0 “Sara has the number in case you don’t.”<\/p>\n

“I’ve got it. Be careful going through the mountains. I think it’s supposed to snow this afternoon. You should be fine once you get through the Grapevine, but you may have to take the detour at Lebec.\u00a0 That’ll slow you down.”<\/p>\n

“I’m in no hurry. But you two should probably go.”<\/p>\n

“Right.”\u00a0 He tore his eyes from hers and looked over at Sara. “Ready, kiddo?”<\/p>\n

It was a hypothetical question that needed no answer, though she nodded, her excitement evidenced by a happy grin.<\/p>\n

“Alright then. New York City, here we come.”\u00a0 He turned back to Liz.\u00a0 “Thanks again. I mean it.”<\/p>\n

She leaned down and brushed his cheek with hers.\u00a0 “Merry Christmas, Jack,” she whispered.<\/p>\n

“Bye mom!\u00a0 Love you!”<\/p>\n

Pulling away from the curb as she waved goodbye in his rearview mirror, he put a hand to his cheek where she touched him.<\/p>\n

His face was wet.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

1977 — Under the Mistletoe<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

“Dad, look what I found.”<\/p>\n

“Where in the world…?”<\/p>\n

“Hiding in the back of the guest room closet,” said Sara, passing it to him with a smile.\u00a0 “Think you can still play it?”<\/p>\n

The feel of the old guitar in his hands was like running into a long lost friend, and Jack couldn’t help but smile.\u00a0 “It’s sort of like riding a bike. You don’t forget; you just have to find your balance again.”\u00a0 He propped it on his knee and began picking at the strings. “Needs tuning.”<\/p>\n

Sara knelt at his feet.\u00a0 “I used to love listen to you when I was a little girl.\u00a0 Do you remember my favorite song?”<\/p>\n

He chuckled as he turned first one peg, then another, plucking and listening.\u00a0\u00a0 “Puff the Magic Dragon — how could I ever forget?\u00a0 I kept hoping you’d get tired of it, but you never did –kind of soured me on Peter, Paul and Mary back then.”<\/p>\n

“Why did you stop?”<\/p>\n

He shrugged.\u00a0 “I guess I thought I was too busy.\u00a0 And after a while it seemed like the music just went out of my life.”<\/p>\n

“People should never be that busy, not if it means giving up something they truly love.”\u00a0 Her eyes were sympathetic, not judgmental.<\/p>\n

He smiled at the earnestness of youth, so often born of what they had not yet experienced. In a perfect world it would never happen, but life was rarely that simple.<\/p>\n

“I think the biggest problem for some people is that they don’t realize the importance of some of the things they take for granted. And when they do, sometimes it’s too late.”<\/p>\n

“It’s not too late for you.”\u00a0 There was something in her eyes that made him wonder if she wasn’t talking about something other than music. “Play something.”<\/p>\n

“Oh, I don’t know, sweetheart.\u00a0 It’s been so long, I’d be pretty rusty.”<\/p>\n

“Please, for me?”<\/p>\n

For her, the moon if he could get it. \u00a0“Alright, I’ll give it a shot.\u00a0 Anything in particular?\u00a0 But if you don’t mind, no magic dragons, okay?”<\/p>\n

“How about The Water Is Wide?\u00a0 That was always my favorite.”<\/p>\n

Jack turned toward the voice behind him and smiled as Liz made her way to the couch.<\/p>\n

Sara took a seat next to her.\u00a0 “Go ahead, Dad.”<\/p>\n

He cleared his throat.\u00a0 “I can’t guarantee this will turn out.\u201d<\/p>\n

“Just sing the song, Jack.”\u00a0 Liz’s voice was stern but her smile gave her away.<\/p>\n

“Yes ma’am…” he nodded, his mouth twitching into a grin.<\/p>\n

He fingered the opening tentatively, testing his muscle memory.<\/p>\n

The water is wide, I cannot get over<\/em><\/p>\n

Neither have I the wings to fly<\/em><\/p>\n

Give me a boat that can carry two<\/em><\/p>\n

And both shall row, my love and I<\/em>\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

The music returned slowly and surely like the tide, bearing him comfortably aloft by the second verse.<\/p>\n

A ship there is, and she sails the sea<\/em><\/p>\n

She’s loaded deep as deep can be<\/em><\/p>\n

But not so deep as the love I’m in<\/em><\/p>\n

I know not if I sink or swim…*<\/em><\/p>\n

He finished the song as quietly as he had begun, and when the last of the notes faded into the air he raised his eyes to his appreciative audience.<\/p>\n

Sara smiled. “I think I have a new favorite now. That was beautiful, Dad.\u00a0 Didn’t you think so, Mom?”<\/p>\n

“Yes,” Liz said softly. “I think you may have missed your calling, Jack.”\u00a0 She stood up.\u00a0 “Dinner’s on the table.”<\/p>\n

The look she gave him made him want to take her in his arms and tell her the only thing he missed was waking up next to her every morning, but he merely smiled and followed her into the kitchen with Sara, knowing he already had more than he dared hope for a couple of years ago.<\/p>\n

Sara’s laughter at dinner was sweet music to both their ears.\u00a0 It was two Christmases ago when they almost lost her that they began to find each other again, and in some ways they were more a family now than in the last years of their marriage.\u00a0 Sara was healthy and whole, and that was an answered prayer, but he couldn’t help but wish for more, especially the way Liz looked tonight, her eyes smiling at him over her wine glass. Sink or swim, he was still in deep after all this time.\u00a0 He wondered if she knew…<\/p>\n

~*~<\/p>\n

Sara appeared destined to follow in her mother’s professional footsteps and persisted in recording the entire evening for posterity.<\/p>\n

“Don’t you think you have enough pictures this Christmas?\u00a0 You’re going to wear out that camera,” laughed Liz.<\/p>\n

“One more,” she promised.\u00a0 “You and Dad.”<\/p>\n

“Where?”<\/p>\n

Sara looked around the room.\u00a0 “Umm, right here, I think,” she said, positioning them in the dining room alcove beneath a swag of evergreens and holly. Framing them in her lens, she motioned them closer together.<\/p>\n

“Come on, work with me people — it’s Christmas, you’re happy, life is good — I want to see that!\u00a0 If you need more motivation, Mom, just pretend the Bruins are in the Rose Bowl this year. That’s better,” she praised them above their laughter.\u00a0 “Dad, put your arm around her. Nice!\u00a0 Oh, you guys are beautiful, you know that?\u00a0 Now say, Sara needs a new car!”<\/p>\n

Jack grinned. “Sara’s crazy,” he said through his teeth.<\/p>\n

The camera flashed.\u00a0 “That’s going to be the best one,” said Sara, smiling.\u00a0 “Wait a minute, don’t move yet.”<\/p>\n

“Fine by me,” said Jack, his arm still around Liz’s waist.<\/p>\n

“I thought we were done,” said Liz.<\/p>\n

“It all depends on whether or not you’re superstitious.”<\/p>\n

“Superstitious about what?”\u00a0 Jack asked.<\/p>\n

“Well, according to legend, it’s very bad luck to stand under the mistletoe with someone and not kiss them.”<\/p>\n

Jack and Liz both looked up.\u00a0 “Who put that there?” she asked.<\/p>\n

Their daughter shrugged. “Maybe Santa sneaked in here while we weren’t looking.”<\/p>\n

“Or maybe it was a sneaky little elf named Sara,” said Jack.<\/p>\n

“What does it matter how it got there?\u00a0 And if you’re not superstitious, fine. Go ahead; throw caution to the wind, live dangerously. But don’t say I didn’t warn you.”<\/p>\n

“What do you think?”<\/p>\n

“I think you’re right,” said Liz. \u00a0“She is sneaky.”<\/p>\n

“Yeah.” He tugged at his ear, his mouth turning up in a wry smile.\u00a0 “But I wouldn’t want to be responsible for risking the good luck this family has had this year, would you?”<\/p>\n

She smiled back at him. “No, I wouldn’t.”<\/p>\n

It was a sweet and tender kiss, and maybe he just imagined her lips parting ever so slightly, perhaps he was just remembering the way they used to be.\u00a0 But the look in her eyes when she raised them afterwards was enough to make him think that maybe, just maybe, his luck was about to change again.<\/p>\n

A flash brought them both back to their senses.\u00a0 “I thought we were through with all the pictures,” said Liz, raising an eyebrow toward Sara.<\/p>\n

“I only had one shot left on the roll, and it would have been bad luck to leave it.”<\/p>\n

“You just made that up,” said Jack.<\/p>\n

“You’re right,\u201d she grinned.<\/p>\n

“And the other?”<\/p>\n

She shrugged.\u00a0 “Maybe, maybe not. But you don’t have anything to worry about now.”\u00a0 Tucking the film into her camera bag, she smiled. “Well, I think my work is done.”<\/p>\n

“Wait just a minute.\u00a0 Your mother and I want to talk to you.”\u00a0 Jack crossed his arms and glanced over at Liz.\u00a0 “Don’t we?”<\/p>\n

“Yes, and I think it’s high time we set her straight.\u00a0 Go ahead, Jack. She’s got it coming.”<\/p>\n

“What did I do?”<\/p>\n

“Sit down.”<\/p>\n

Sara obeyed with a look of utter confusion on her face.<\/p>\n

Jack cleared his throat and did his best to look stern.\u00a0 “Your little set-up was pretty cute, very clever, in fact. I’ve got to hand to you.\u00a0 But you’re not the only one who can be sneaky. I’ll bet you never saw this coming.”\u00a0 He pulled a small box from his pocket and placed it in her hand.\u00a0 “Merry Christmas.”<\/p>\n

Sara squealed when she opened it.\u00a0 “I don’t believe it!”<\/p>\n

Jack and Liz grinned at each other, delighted that their surprise had remained a secret.\u00a0 “See for yourself. It’s in driveway,” he said, laughing as she hugged him on her way out the door.<\/p>\n

He smiled at Liz. “You think she likes it?”<\/p>\n

“Oh, I think it’s a hit.\u00a0 What about next year, though?\u00a0 This Christmas is going to be hard to top.”<\/p>\n

He slipped his arm around her. “Well, I have an idea I’m working on.”<\/p>\n

“Already?\u00a0 It must be something grand. Are you going to let me in on it?”<\/p>\n

“Oh, it’s the grandest thing, and you’ll have to be in on it, or it won’t work.”<\/p>\n

“Well, what is it?”<\/p>\n

“I’d rather not say at this point.\u00a0 I don’t want to spoil anything.\u00a0 You’re just going to have to trust me.” He cupped her chin in his hand. \u00a0“You do trust me, don’t you?”<\/p>\n

“Yes,” she breathed, just before their lips met.<\/p>\n

And this time it wasn’t the mistletoe, and it definitely wasn’t his imagination.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

1979 — Long Ago and Far Away<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

The lights of Christmas were just beginning to twinkle as Jack turned into the entrance to his old neighborhood.\u00a0 The weather was unseasonably warm, even for southern California, making all the Frosties, Santas and other North Pole denizens seem oddly out of place.<\/p>\n

Like fish out of water<\/em>, he thought.\u00a0 Like me<\/em>.<\/p>\n

Declining several invitations for the evening, he had opted instead for a late lunch with a close friend who knew what it was like to be in his shoes, especially this time of the year.\u00a0 It was refreshing not to have to pretend it didn’t hurt or that he wasn’t lonely and be regarded with understanding instead of pity. It had been a good choice.<\/p>\n

It may have been a mistake, though, stopping by the house in Sherman Oaks.\u00a0 He couldn\u2019t bring himself to sell it, and he had never gotten around to renting it as he’d planned, so it had stood empty since the summer as a ghostly relic from a time that was no more.\u00a0 He walked the vacant rooms quietly this Christmas Eve, like a ghost himself, knee-deep in memories so thick he could almost cut them with a knife, and yet to the naked eye there was little trace of the family who had once lived and loved within the walls.\u00a0 Closing the door behind him after staying longer than he intended, he decided perhaps the time had come to let it go.<\/p>\n

Merry Christmas, darling<\/em><\/p>\n

We’re apart, that’s true<\/em><\/p>\n

But I can dream and in my dreams<\/em><\/p>\n

I’m Christmas-ing with you…<\/em><\/p>\n

He snapped off the radio before pulling into the driveway. His new place was home mainly in the sense that he occupied space and got his mail there.\u00a0 Sara had only lived there a month before leaving for a year in Africa with the Peace Corps, and though her room lacked the personality of the one she grew up in, Jack sometimes found himself drawn to it and the things she left behind, if only to remind himself that she wasn’t gone forever.<\/p>\n

It wasn’t that he had nothing to keep him busy.\u00a0 Work was his salvation, this time in the form of a new television series.\u00a0 People who remembered him from Badlands<\/em><\/strong> may have been surprised to see him without the toupee, but that hadn’t hurt the Q factor of John McKenzie, MD, a role in which he felt much more comfortable. By mid-season, Dr. John<\/em><\/strong> owned its Sunday night time slot, ranking third overall with a 22 share average, much to the network’s delight.\u00a0 Jack threw himself into the days of rehearsing and shooting with a grateful fervor, but sometimes the nights were still too long.<\/p>\n

He rifled through the envelopes retrieved from his mailbox — an electric bill, a thank-you letter from St. Jude Hospital, and a few Christmas cards — but the one that captured his immediate attention was a small white envelope addressed in a familiar sprawling script.\u00a0 Laying the others aside on the counter with his keys, he put on his glasses and opened it eagerly.\u00a0 A smile formed on his lips as he sat down to read.<\/p>\n

Dear Dad,<\/em>\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

The calendar says December, but I can hardly believe I’ve been here six months already.\u00a0 A year seemed like such a long time to be away from home, and now it’s half over.\u00a0 I love the work and the fact that I’m so busy, because it keeps me from thinking too much about how far apart we are, but not too busy to miss you, especially now that Christmas is near.<\/em>\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

I hope you are well.\u00a0 I worry sometimes that you might be lonely, and then I remind myself that you’re busy, too.\u00a0 It seems Dr. John and the Peace Corps came along at the right time for both of us.\u00a0 I like to think Mom would be proud of what we’re doing.\u00a0<\/em>\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

Even though I can’t be home for the holidays, I know I’m in your heart just as you are in mine.\u00a0 I left a little something for you in the bottom left drawer of my dresser.\u00a0 You can’t miss it — it’s wrapped in tissue paper and tied with a red ribbon. You can open it now or save it for Christmas Day if you’d rather. I found it when I was going through some old stuff just before we moved.\u00a0 It’s not new, but it’s ageless in the sense that it shows how I will always feel about you, no matter how old I am.<\/em>\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

I’ll call you whenever I can get to a phone, because my Christmas wish right now is just to hear your voice. Besides, as someone once said, “Long distance is the next best thing to being there” — right?<\/em><\/p>\n

I love you, Dad.\u00a0 Merry Christmas!<\/em><\/p>\n

Sara<\/em><\/p>\n

Jack chuckled at her reference to one of his voice-over commercials, and then he read the letter once more just for the joy of seeing the words in her own hand.\u00a0\u00a0 A few moments later he was seated on her bed, pulling the paper from his Christmas surprise.<\/p>\n

Beneath the wrapping, preserved in black and white edged in pewter was a much younger, thinner version of himself with a bronze cutie in pigtails next to him on the beach, captured in profile from behind.\u00a0 With him seated and her standing, they were nearly nose to nose, oblivious to the rest of the world as they smiled only for each other.\u00a0 Brushing away tears, he read the inscription engraved at the bottom of the frame:<\/p>\n

\u201cThe greatest gift I ever had <\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

came from God \u2013 I call him Dad.\u201d<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

His eyes caressed the photograph once more.\u00a0 It really was the perfect shot, as much a tribute to the artist behind the camera as the subjects themselves.\u00a0 Liz always seemed to know just when…<\/p>\n

Ah, Liz\u2026<\/em><\/p>\n

The stabbing grief over her sudden loss had gradually given way to a dull ache that even now made his heart sigh at the thought of her.\u00a0 But more than sadness, what he felt most of all now was gratitude for the gift she had given him twenty years ago, the sweet child of promise now a young woman of spirit and light.\u00a0 What he wouldn’t give to have both of his girls here with him tonight.<\/p>\n

The jangling of the telephone on the nightstand jarred him back to the real world.<\/p>\n

“Hello?”<\/p>\n

A slow grin deepened into a broad smile across his face, warmed by a voice on the other end, as sweet and clear as bells on Christmas Day.<\/p>\n

“Same to you, angel…”<\/p>\n

I’ve just one wish on this Christmas Eve\u2026<\/em><\/p>\n

I wish I were with you.*<\/em><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

1984 — Something Old, Someone New<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

“Something smells good in here. What’s cooking?”<\/p>\n

Sara glanced up from the stove and smiled.\u00a0 “Shrimp scampi, and I hope you’re hungry.”<\/p>\n

“I could eat,” said Jack. “What time is Steve coming?”<\/p>\n

“He’s not.\u00a0 It’s just us tonight.”<\/p>\n

“Did my ears deceive me?\u00a0 It’s Christmas Eve, you’re cooking and he’s not coming? What’s wrong — you haven’t changed your mind about the wedding, have you?”<\/p>\n

“Oh, didn’t I tell you? It’s off.”<\/p>\n

The smirk he had been wearing vanished from his face.<\/p>\n

“What?”<\/p>\n

“That’s right. We’ve decided just to live together instead.”<\/p>\n

“Very funny.”<\/p>\n

“No, you’re the one who’s funny.\u00a0 Really, Dad, I thought you’d be used to the idea by now.”<\/p>\n

It was no secret that he had never been keen on the idea of any kind of a liaison between his daughter and his young co-star, much less marriage.\u00a0 But it soon became apparent that his chances of preventing it were no better than trying to stop a runaway train with a body block.\u00a0 Besides, as a wise friend reminded him, it wasn’t up to him.\u00a0 It was Sara’s choice to make, and she had made it. In less than three weeks she would be Mrs. Steven Mathis.<\/p>\n

“You know I’m only teasing.\u00a0 I guess you know what you’re getting yourself into, though why you’d want to marry an actor is beyond me.”<\/p>\n

“Well, it was good enough for Mom, and she didn’t do too badly.”<\/p>\n

“I don’t know. She might disagree with that.”<\/p>\n

“I do know, and she wouldn’t.”\u00a0 Sara slipped her arm through his and leaned her head against his shoulder.\u00a0 “The reason Steve isn’t coming over tonight is because I asked him not to.\u00a0 I wanted to spend Christmas Eve with you \u2013 just you.”<\/p>\n

He knew what she was thinking because the same thought had been on his mind all day.\u00a0 This would be their last father-daughter Christmas.<\/p>\n

“That is the nicest gift you could have given me,” he said, patting her hand.\u00a0 “How long until dinner? Can you leave it for a few minutes?”<\/p>\n

“Sure.”<\/p>\n

“Then come and sit down.\u00a0 I want to show you something.”<\/p>\n

He led her to the couch.\u00a0 There were two small jewelry cases on the coffee table.\u00a0 He opened the larger of the two, revealing a petite strand of pearls.<\/p>\n

“These were your mother’s. \u00a0I gave them to her the Christmas before we were married; she wore them on our wedding day.\u00a0 And these,” he said, opening the other, “I gave to her the day you were due to be born, which was exactly twenty-five years ago this very evening.”\u00a0\u00a0 Handing her the diamond earrings, he cleared his throat and continued softly.\u00a0 “I thought maybe, um…I mean, they both qualify as something old…well, they’re yours, whatever you decide to do with them.”<\/p>\n

Sara kept her head down.\u00a0 “They’re beautiful,” she murmured.\u00a0 “I’ll be proud to wear them.”<\/p>\n

Jack watched a tear fall on her hand. “As I recall, your mother had the same reaction,” he said, handing her a tissue.\u00a0 “I used to tease her that diamonds made her cry.”<\/p>\n

“I miss her so much.”<\/p>\n

He felt his throat tighten as he pulled her into his arms.\u00a0 “I know, angel, so do I.\u00a0 You just go ahead and cry. It’s better to do it now than on your wedding day.\u00a0 Your mother wouldn’t want that.”<\/p>\n

“I just wish she could be there.”<\/p>\n

“She will be,” he said, his voice a hoarse whisper.\u00a0 “Because when I walk you down that aisle, I know she’s going to be right there with me, with both of us. And it’s going to be a beautiful, happy day, and no tears, agreed?”<\/p>\n

Clinging to his shirt, she nodded and cried, and as he held her he marveled at the quarter century that had slipped away from him almost without notice.<\/p>\n

Turn around and you’re tiny, turn around and you\u2019re grown, turn around and you’re a young wife with babes of your own\u2026***<\/em><\/p>\n

After a few moments, he heard her sigh.\u00a0 “Feel better?”<\/p>\n

She sat up and took a deep breath.\u00a0 “Yes.\u00a0 I really do. How did you know I needed to do that?”<\/p>\n

“I guess because I needed to.”<\/p>\n

She smiled.\u00a0 “I love you, Dad.\u201d\u00a0 \u00a0All at once she jumped up.\u00a0“My shrimp!\u00a0 I hope it’s not ruined!”<\/p>\n

He followed her to the kitchen.\u00a0 “Can I help?”<\/p>\n

“No, I\u2019ve got it, looks like we’re okay.\u00a0 But you can pour the wine.”<\/p>\n

“Coming right up.”<\/p>\n

“And would you get that?\u00a0 My hands are full.”<\/p>\n

He picked up the phone.<\/p>\n

“Hello?\u00a0 Fine, how about you? I guess you’re lonesome tonight, huh?\u00a0 Well, right now she’s busy burning dinner, oh and giving me ‘the look’ — you know the one,” he laughed.\u00a0 “Here she is.\u00a0 Thanks, same to you.”\u00a0\u00a0 He handed the receiver to Sara.\u00a0 “It’s your intended, unless of course you’ve changed your mind. There’s still time.”\u00a0 He made sure he spoke loud enough for Steve to hear, and then he nudged her in the ribs, making her giggle.<\/p>\n

“You are so bad…” she said to him, shaking her head.\u00a0 “Hi. Oh, we’re just playing around.”\u00a0 She grinned at Jack. “He was kidding, mostly…so what are you doing?”<\/p>\n

Jack smiled, lifting his wine glass in a silent toast to her. She was going to be one beautiful bride.\u00a0 He only hoped he could make good on the no tears agreement.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

1985 — Rounding the Circle<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

“Jack, stay out of those.\u00a0 There won’t be any left when they get here.”<\/p>\n

“Whatever you say, dear.”\u00a0 He popped another mushroom into his mouth before sliding his arms around her waist and dropping a kiss on the back of her neck.<\/p>\n

“Now, you’d better stop that,” she warned, a sultry smile in her voice, “or I won’t be able to finish this in time.”<\/p>\n

“What else are you making?”<\/p>\n

“Cioppino,” she said. “You know how everyone loves it.”<\/p>\n

He made a face behind her.\u00a0 Cioppino was an acquired taste, and not everyone loved it the way she made it.\u00a0 “Don’t you think you’ve done enough damage…I mean, cooking?” he teased her.\u00a0 She elbowed him, pretending to be offended, and the next moment she was in his arms returning his kiss with a force that left him reeling.\u00a0 He leaned in to take her lips again but she stopped him.<\/p>\n

“You just chew on that a while, lover boy.\u00a0 The main course will have to wait until after dinner.”<\/p>\n

He smirked.\u00a0 “If we’re lucky they won’t stay long.”<\/p>\n

“Don’t kid a kidder.\u00a0 We both know you don’t mean that.\u00a0 You’ve been on pins and needles all day, waiting for them to get back.”\u00a0 She patted his cheek. “You’re such a doting father, and I think it’s so sweet.”<\/p>\n

He caught her hand and kissed it.\u00a0 “I think you’re sweet.”<\/p>\n

“Hold that thought.”\u00a0 She dismissed him with a mischievous grin and resumed her work. “Be a lamb and wash and dry the new crystal, will you?”<\/p>\n

“Yes, dear,\u201d he replied, admiring the rear view for a few seconds before tending to his assignment.\u00a0 He had to hand it to Laura for the way she had thrown herself into the role of domesticate since their September wedding. It was hardly her style, but she certainly deserved an ‘A’ for effort.\u00a0 And even though she wasn’t the world’s greatest cook, she satisfied his appetite in other delightful and sometimes very imaginative ways.<\/p>\n

The chemistry between them was apparent from the very beginning, the first day she showed up on the set of Dr. John.\u00a0 A vivacious, forty-ish redhead with a quick laugh, Laura McIntyre was cast as his love interest for the week.\u00a0 By the taping of the show the kisses felt very real.\u00a0 He chided himself for what he considered a schoolboy mentality, but after seeing her for about a month he had to admit he was hooked.\u00a0 She was like a drug, and he couldn’t seem to get enough.<\/p>\n

She was so different from Liz, though, and Jack had been a bit apprehensive about how Sara would react to this new woman in his life.\u00a0 But he needn’t have worried.\u00a0 Sara made it clear that whatever made him happy would make her happy too.\u00a0 And Laura was the kind of person who embraced everyone, and she relished the idea of family, having no children of her own even with two previous marriages.\u00a0 If she had any regrets about that, she never voiced them. It wasn’t her nature to dwell on the what-ifs and the what-might-have-beens of life, and in Jack’s mind that was one of the great things about her.\u00a0 It was a crazy love, against all odds, and it felt so good to be in it.<\/p>\n

She was the first one to the door when the bell rang, dispensing hugs, gushing a mile a minute.<\/p>\n

“Darlings!\u00a0 Come in, come in!\u00a0 How was Hawaii?\u00a0 You both look wonderful!”<\/p>\n

Jack grinned at Sara over her shoulder.\u00a0 “Hiya, beautiful,” he said, capturing her in a warm embrace when it was his turn.\u00a0 “Merry Christmas.”<\/p>\n

“Merry Christmas to you, Dad.\u00a0 I’m so glad to see you.”\u00a0 Her eyes were shining.<\/p>\n

“I’m glad to see you, too. I thought you weren’t coming back until next week.\u00a0 What changed your mind?”<\/p>\n

She smiled.\u00a0 “I guess it sounds silly, but I just\u00a0 couldn’t stand the thought of being away during the holidays.\u00a0 Besides, I wanted to give you your Christmas present in person.”<\/p>\n

“Speaking of presents, where do you want these?”\u00a0 Steve held up a shopping bag loaded with elegantly wrapped packages.<\/p>\n

“Oh, how festive!\u00a0 We’ll put them under the tree with the others. But you really didn’t have to bring anything.\u00a0 Jack is so happy about your being here for Christmas, you’ll never be able to top that,” said Laura with a smile.<\/p>\n

Steve grinned.\u00a0 “I wouldn’t be too sure if I were you.”<\/p>\n

“Now I’m intrigued,” said Jack. “What could possibly be in that bag?”<\/p>\n

Sara gave him an affectionate squeeze. “You’ll just have to wait to find out.”<\/p>\n

Laura served the appetizers while Jack tended bar.\u00a0 “Anyone for Folonari Soave?\u00a0 I think they gave me a year’s supply along with the check for the commercial.”<\/p>\n

“Sounds great,” said Steve.<\/p>\n

“Club soda’s fine for me,” said Sara.\u00a0 “My stomach’s still in the air.”<\/p>\n

Steve offered her a look of sympathy.\u00a0 “Sara got a little airsick coming back.”<\/p>\n

“Rough flight?”<\/p>\n

“Are you kidding?\u00a0 It was the flight from hell. The turbulence was bad enough, and then we hit a downdraft and dropped about a thousand feet. I was never so glad to get back on solid ground — I could’ve kissed that pilot when we landed.”\u00a0 Steve’s jovial demeanor darkened.\u00a0 “There were a few minutes when I wondered if we’d make it home at all.”<\/p>\n

“It was pretty scary,” said Sara quietly.<\/p>\n

Laura patted her arm. “You poor dears, how awful!\u00a0 Oh, but all’s well that ends well, as they say.\u00a0 Now you’re safe and sound back here in good old southern California where all you have to worry about are mudslides and earthquakes.\u00a0 So much for solid ground, right?”<\/p>\n

The mood in the room brightened once more, and Christmas resumed with the sounds of laughter and the clinking of glasses, followed by the tearing of\u00a0 holiday wrappings with the exchanging of gifts and more hugs, until only one small package remained.<\/p>\n

The tag said To Dad ~ Love, Sara.<\/em>\u00a0 He smiled when she handed it to him. It felt like a book. He knew it had to be something special.<\/p>\n

He didn’t know what he expected, but this wasn’t it.\u00a0 It took a minute for it to sink in, and he heard himself asking, “Is this for real?”\u00a0 He looked up to see her nod and smile.<\/p>\n

Laura was beside herself with curiosity. “Well, what is it?”<\/p>\n

He handed the book to her, and she read the title out loud.\u00a0 “The Grandfather Club (A Humorous If Not Always Handy Guide for Prospective and Practicing Members)… Oh, Jack, your baby’s having a baby \u2013 how wonderful!”<\/p>\n

“Come here, you.” He bundled Sara into his arms, overcome by the euphoria of wanting to laugh and cry at the same time.\u00a0 “How long have you known?”<\/p>\n

“Well, I had a pretty good idea when Steve was wrapping up in Australia, but I didn’t find out for sure until we got to Honolulu.\u00a0 Christmas seemed like the perfect time to tell you, and I didn’t want to do it over the phone.”<\/p>\n

“We wanted to see your face.”\u00a0 Steve was grinning from ear to ear.<\/p>\n

“I didn’t disappoint you, did I?”<\/p>\n

“Not one bit,” he said, clapping him on the shoulder.\u00a0 \u00a0“Congratulations, Grandpa.”<\/p>\n

Jack pulled him into a bear hug. “Same to you, Dad.\u00a0 So when’s the ETA?”<\/p>\n

“Mid-June.”<\/p>\n

Laura was busy calculating.\u00a0 “We have a lot to do in less than six months, with all the shopping and the planning…we’ll have a shower, of course…oh my gosh, I’m going to be a grandmother!”\u00a0 She looked a little glassy-eyed, and then she composed herself.\u00a0 “I can handle this. I can.”<\/p>\n

Sara laughed.\u00a0 “I don’t think there’s a person in this room who doubts that.”<\/p>\n

Laura looked hopeful.\u00a0 “There are books, right?”<\/p>\n

The laughter inside the house faded behind the french doors as Jack stepped quietly onto the patio, still absorbing the news of his impending grandfatherhood.\u00a0 He looked up and smiled when Sara joined him a few moments later, slipping underneath his arm.<\/p>\n

“Mid-June, huh?”<\/p>\n

“Seventeenth.”<\/p>\n

He squeezed her shoulder.\u00a0 Liz’s birthday was the sixteenth.<\/p>\n

“I hope I’m ready for this,” she said.<\/p>\n

“Don’t worry; you will be, when the time comes.”<\/p>\n

“I mean afterwards. It’s so daunting, the idea of someone being totally dependent on you, being responsible for another person’s life. There are so many ways to screw up. The more I read, the more I realize how much I don’t know.”<\/p>\n

“Then do yourself a favor and stop reading books. You’re gonna learn what you need to know the same way your mother and I did, from your kid.\u00a0 Sure, you’re gonna screw up sometimes, that comes with the territory, but you’ll both get over it, and you’ll learn from that, too.\u00a0 Most of parenting is common sense. You can’t go too far wrong if you just do what comes naturally.”<\/p>\n

“If Steve and I can even come close to being the kind of parents you and mom were to me, I’ll be happy.”<\/p>\n

“Your mother deserves most of the credit for raising you.\u00a0 If I could change anything, I wouldn’t have been away so much.\u00a0 I missed a lot of moments I shouldn’t have.\u00a0 And once they’re gone you don’t get them back.”<\/p>\n

“Isn’t it funny how people can look at the same thing and see it differently?\u00a0 What I remember most are the times we spent together, not the times apart.\u00a0 And I wouldn’t swap those memories for anything.”\u00a0\u00a0 She looked up at him and smiled.\u00a0\u00a0 “If you could see yourself through my eyes, you would know what a wonderful father you really are.”<\/p>\n

She had finally succeeded in making him cry, but it was alright, for they were the words every father longed to hear. He held her for a long time, recalling the moment when a tiny bit of heaven came into his life one December morning and the incredible, unforgettable journey that led them both to this Christmas Eve.<\/p>\n

His heart near to bursting, he looked down into her lovely face and smiled.\u00a0 “My baby’s having a baby,” he said softly, and he kissed her cheek.\u00a0 “But you’ll always be mine.”<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

EPILOGUE \u2013 1986<\/strong><\/p>\n

June 14 marked the beginning of a new chapter in Jack’s life with the arrival of Mark John Patrick Mathis, 7 lbs. 9 ounces, named in honor of his grandfather.\u00a0 Sara and Steve made the adjustment to 2 am feedings and diaper duty remarkably well, and Laura was unofficially dubbed the most adoring and fashionably chic grandmother in Malibu.<\/p>\n

As for Jack, well, he just did what came naturally, as if it was a role he had been born to play.<\/p>\n

Maybe it was.<\/p>\n

THE END<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

*The Water Is Wide<\/em> is a Scottish folk song which dates back to the 1600s, with lyrics varying according to period and singer. There have been many modern recorded versions, including one by Pernell Roberts on his album \u201cCome All Ye Fair and Tender Ladies,\u201d released in 1963.<\/p>\n

**Merry Christmas, Darling<\/em> ~ lyrics and music by Frank Pooler and Richard Carpenter, copyright Irving Music 1970 (BMI).\u00a0<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

***Turn Around<\/em> ~ lyrics and music by Malvina Reynolds, Alan Greene and Harry Belafonte, 1959.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Tags:\u00a0 Jack Richards<\/p>\n

For a complete, up to date list of stories, check out<\/strong>\u00a0JC’s Author Page<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Summary: A man’s life and the things that matter most are revealed in a series of Christmas Eve vignettes. (Mind you, this is not a Bonanza story.\u00a0 It is a piece of original fiction featuring a character born many years ago in a Bonanza World journal\u2014an actor named Jack Richards, not-so-loosely based on Pernell Roberts. If that intrigues you, or if you\u2019re just in the mood for an easy read in keeping with the season, you may enjoy this. I hope so.)<\/p>\n

Rating: T\u00a0 \u00a0 (11,074 words)<\/p>\n

Jack Richards Series, links to all stories included within.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":10253,"featured_media":13587,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"template-full-width-post.php","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_members_access_role":[],"_members_access_error":""},"categories":[23,687,33,3],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-15591","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-drama","category-modern-day","category-other","category-romance","wpcat-23-id","wpcat-687-id","wpcat-33-id","wpcat-3-id"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/12\/Christmas.jpg?fit=300%2C300&ssl=1","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/15591","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/10253"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=15591"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/15591\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/13587"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=15591"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=15591"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=15591"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}