{"id":1570,"date":"2009-08-20T14:53:41","date_gmt":"2009-08-20T18:53:41","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=1570"},"modified":"2025-02-27T12:22:29","modified_gmt":"2025-02-27T17:22:29","slug":"musical-chairs","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=1570","title":{"rendered":"Musical Chairs (by the Giggly Sisters)"},"content":{"rendered":"

Summary: \u00a0<\/span>A visit from Doc Martin causes Joe to question life on the Ponderosa.<\/p>\n

Rated:<\/span> K+ \u00a0WC \u00a02000<\/p>\n

Musical Chairs<\/strong><\/p>\n

Joe opened his eyes cautiously and surveyed his bedroom with trepidation. Once again, everything had moved around during the night. The previous evening, the window had been facing his bed, but this morning it was on a sidewall. The fireplace had moved too, and most of the furniture had not only changed places but was actually sporting an entirely new look. The only constant in all this was that his bed was still far too short. Despite many pleas to the Patriarch of the Ponderosa, Joe had two basic choices when it came to his sleeping arrangements: he could either lie propped up on a pile of pillows (and this was the option chosen whenever he was indulging in one of his many maims. Well, the scriptwriters weren\u2019t daft: they knew the legions of fans would do anything to have a glimpse of Joe\u2019s smooth, golden, beautifully muscled chest. Besides which, he did wear bandages so beautifully. Mind you, he\u2019d had years in which to perfect this arcane art.) Failing this, Joe had to sleep with his feet hanging off the bottom of the bed, which was jolly uncomfortable in the depths of winter.<\/p>\n

Squinting horribly, which did not diminish his manly beauty in the slightest, Joe noticed that the picture of the scary Indian had followed his room\u2019s perambulations. No matter where his room decided to locate itself, that awful picture managed to place itself upon a wall. Screwing his head around, he noticed that this time he had a rather feeble watercolor of a seascape on the wall above the bed. The horse statue that normally sat on the pier table in the living room was now placed upon an occasional table. It was all very confusing.<\/p>\n

\u201cJoseph!\u201d The familiar tones of Ben Cartwright shattered the peace of the early morning and Joe shuddered slightly as two roof tiles crashed to the ground. Didn\u2019t his family realize that it was kind of tricky to bounce of bed bright and early if you were never quite sure where your bed actually was?<\/p>\n

Dressing quickly and smoothing his ears back into place, Joe bounded downstairs. The blonde was engaged in tying a napkin around Paw\u2019s neck, while the redhead was pouring rosehip syrup over his morning Farola. Ben sat at the head of the table, but yet again, everyone was sitting in seemingly random positions.<\/p>\n

\u201cNot again!\u201d Joe thought. Why couldn\u2019t the Cartwrights just act like a normal family and have their own positions around the table? But no, every meal was preceded by an atmosphere of high suspense and drama as he, Adam and Hoss jockeyed for position. Choking down the urge to say that he needed a little stability in his life, Joe sat in the one remaining seat and was just helping himself to a portion of scrambled eggs when there was a loud chap at the door.<\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019ll be Paul delivering the Territorial Enterprise<\/em>,\u201d remarked Adam, who evidently found nothing strange in the fact that a morning newspaper was delivered to remote ranches before 7.30 in the morning by the town doctor.<\/p>\n

Just for once, Hop Sing decided to answer the door. This was usually left to Joe, but since the arrival of the Giggly Sisters, he had noticed that he had fewer menial tasks to perform. Which sister had performed this miracle (and he privately leaned towards it being both working together) he wasn\u2019t sure but was extremely grateful. He seldom had managed to eat a meal in peace before the sisters came. Small wonder all the fanfic writers went on about his small appetite.<\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s the paper, chaps,\u201d Hop Sing announced in his lovely Oxbridge accent. He was careful only to revert to his natural voice when the cameras were not rolling. No sense in ruining the illusion for the fans. \u201cDoctor Martin brought it.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cPaul!\u201d Ben exclaimed. \u201cCome and have a cup of coffee.\u201d<\/p>\n

The sisters looked surprised at this, for Ben wasn\u2019t the most hospitable soul first thing in the morning, and since Paul Martin was usually trying to wangle money out of him, Paul was usually the last person invited to the table.<\/p>\n

\u201cWho\u2019s he?\u201d asked the redhead, bluntly.<\/p>\n

The blonde\u2019s velvety brown eyes were wide open in amazement, and even Paw paused in scoffing down his Farola to blink in wonderment at the person before them. For it wasn\u2019t the Doc Martin they expected, nor was it someone wearing the boots of that ilk.<\/p>\n

It was an impostor! This man bore no resemblance to portly kindly Doc Martin. His hair was snow white and he was a good decade or so older just for a start.<\/p>\n

\u201cI could ask the same thing,\u201d retorted the man. \u201cWho are these young ladies, Ben?\u201d He didn\u2019t have to voice the next question. His eyes did it for him. Why were they so scantily and unsuitably dressed for Victorian maidens? Mind you, the wardrobe department had never quite got the hang of modest dressing either, so most female co-stars blatantly flaunted d\u00e9colletages of eye-popping proportions that owed a great deal to 1960s American corsetry and very little to Victorian sensibilities.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019re not wearing nearly enough petticoats!\u201d the Doctor said sanctimoniously. Of course, he was just worried in case one of the sisters came down with pneumonia and he would have to pay many more visits to the Ponderosa, without any real prospect of payment.<\/p>\n

\u201cCast not a clout till May is oot!\u201d the redhead remarked obliquely. Hoss sensibly ignored her, as he was once again engaged in wrestling the small bear over the last bit of Lorne sausage. As usual, Paw was cheating and using both his front and back legs, but then he was a lot younger.<\/p>\n

\u201cCome and have a comfortable seat by the fire, Paul,\u201d Ben invited hospitably. He knew he could afford to be so welcoming, for few guests ever stayed at the Ponderosa for more than 40 minutes of screen time. If they were allotted the dreaded downstairs bedroom, their stays were usually considerably shorter. Strange and unmentionable things tended to happen in that room.<\/p>\n

\u201cA comfortable seat \u2013 that\u2019ll rule out the sofa then!\u201d Adam managed to say this with a straight face, but everyone else around the table collapsed in fits of barely suppressed giggles. However, they soon subsided when Ben shot them one of his frighteningly effective looks that attentive viewers will recognize only too well \u2013 eyebrows raised, forehead furrowed and eyes popping out slightly. It really didn\u2019t presage well for his blood pressure. For some strange reason, Ben was abnormally attached to the sofa and refused to get a new one. However, he was careful not to sit there himself.<\/p>\n

Joe noticed that Ben seated himself in the red leather chair, which really didn\u2019t go with the other fireside furniture. In fact, it looked totally out of place and surely belonged with the other two leather chairs, which cunningly sat at the foot of the stairs, beautifully placed to catch every single draught when the front door opened. They were also awkwardly placed for camera angles, as it was difficult to set a scene there that managed to avoid showing the non-existent sidewall. In consequence, the chairs were very rarely used and looked as if they had just been bought. Mind you, this could have been a tribute to Hop Sing\u2019s skills with saddle soap.<\/p>\n

Adam noticed that Paul sat down in the blue velvet chair and bristled slightly. Well, he hadn\u2019t had time to shave that morning. \u201cThat\u2019s my chair!\u201d he said indignantly. He\u2019d chosen that seat on purpose, as it allowed him to display his left profile to the viewers, and it was just a little better than the right. Not that there was much in it, of course.<\/p>\n

Hoss sat down heavily on the sofa, which creaked alarmingly, and Adam chose to join him there. Joe just stood looking, with his hands on his hips. \u201cWhere am I supposed to sit?\u201d he demanded.<\/p>\n

\u201cSit on the fireplace,\u201d Ben ordered. \u201cIt’s perfectly comfortable.\u201d This, of course, was clear evidence that Ben had never sat on the stonework monolith in his entire life. He occasionally rested his foot on it, but Joe and Hoss seemed to be the ones doomed to perch their butts there. And Hoss’s butt had considerably more in the way of padding than Joe’s.<\/p>\n

Sighing, Joe did as he was bid, and sat on the fireplace; his only consolation being that the girls came and snuggled up on either side of him, and Paw crawled into his lap. \u201cWhy don\u2019t I have a seat of my own?\u201d he asked.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhen you were a little boy, you always used to snuggle on my knee, son,\u201d Ben said with a reminiscent smile. \u201cYou didn\u2019t need a seat of your own. And now that you\u2019re older, well, you so often get maimed, the settee is the perfect place to lay you.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019d have thought the bed was better,\u201d muttered the blonde.<\/p>\n

\u201cBut it’s never in the same place twice in a row,\u201d Joe complained. “It’s hardly ever the same bed two nights running either. No wonder I feel as if I’ll go prematurely grey!”<\/p>\n

\u201cWhy is your father pretending that man\u2019s Doc Martin?\u201d the redhead asked. She was nothing if not persistent and single-minded, a trait she shared with Joe.<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, you know how everything moves round here?\u201d Joe asked.<\/p>\n

\u201cEverything except you,\u201d Adam commented. \u201cEspecially when there\u2019s work to be done.\u201d Hoss guffawed as he raked in the fruit bowl for an apple. He obligingly threw one to Paw, too, who lay onto his back to use all four feet to eat it.<\/p>\n

Ignoring his oldest brother, Joe said, \u201cWell, Doc Martin tends to have a lot of heads, too. We all have our favorite one, you know the one most writers use, but for some reason, the others make odd appearances every now and then. It’s just all part and parcel of life on the Ponderosa.\u201d He wriggled around on the fireplace, which was almost as unyieldingly hard as the sofa and looked longingly at the table. It was marginally more comfortable, as the wood didn’t tend to freeze your butt off.<\/p>\n

“How come it’s alright to sit on the fireplace, but not on the table?” he asked plaintively. “They’re both bits of furniture after all! Or there’s that pink velvet chair that sometimes lurks by the grandfather clock. We could bring that over to the fireplace and I could sit there. In the body of the Kirk, so to speak.”<\/p>\n

A familiar, reminiscent look came into Ben’s eyes. “That chair belonged to you dear Mama. We bought them together as newly-weds: blue for a boy and pink for a girl! Ah, Marie\u2026”<\/p>\n

He paused and everyone dutifully chorused “My Love.” Even Paul Martin joined in, for despite his new head, he was still an old friend of the family and knew what was expected.<\/p>\n

“I still don’t see why I have to sit on the fireplace,” Joe whined.<\/p>\n

Ben leant across and gave him a condoling pat on the knee. “It’s for the best, son. What with rooms, furniture and heads all whirling around merrily, we couldn’t take a risk with you doing the same thing. After all, you are the smallest of the Cartwrights and so you’re the most vulnerable. Sitting there means I can grab onto your belt and keep you safe and sound!”<\/p>\n

Ben sat back in his chair and smiled happily at his family. Keeping Joe out of danger was almost a full-time occupation these days as more and more fanfic writers thought up increasingly inventive ways to maim him. A slight look of desperation crept across Adam’s face, and he began to hum the theme tune to the Great Escape.<\/p>\n

“There’s no place like home!” Ben declared and the Giggly Sisters could only agree that the Ponderosa was indeed unique.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

*****End*****<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

<\/div>\n

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<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Summary: \u00a0A visit from Doc Martin causes Joe to question life on the Ponderosa.<\/p>\n

Rated: K+ \u00a0WC \u00a02000<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":6,"featured_media":1242,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"template-full-width-post.php","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1570","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-humor","wpcat-4-id"],"a3_pvc":{"activated":true,"total_views":471,"today_views":0},"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/bonanza31.jpg?fit=573%2C389&ssl=1","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":1502,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=1502","url_meta":{"origin":1570,"position":0},"title":"Changing Rooms (by the Giggly Sisters)","author":"The Giggly Sisters","date":"August 20, 2009","format":false,"excerpt":"Summary: \u00a0It's spring and the sap is rising. So naturally, the Cartwrights start to think about redecorating. 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