{"id":15910,"date":"2018-01-28T16:13:00","date_gmt":"2018-01-28T21:13:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=15910"},"modified":"2025-09-25T15:40:31","modified_gmt":"2025-09-25T19:40:31","slug":"warm-milk-and-memories-by-psw","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=15910","title":{"rendered":"Warm Milk and Memories (by PSW)"},"content":{"rendered":"

Summary<\/strong>:\u00a0 In some ways, Adam and Jamie really aren’t so different.<\/p>\n

Rating<\/strong>: K\u00a0 \u00a0Word Count<\/strong>: 2845<\/p>\n

Many thanks to BettyHT for the cover pic! \ud83d\ude42<\/p>\n

Scenes From Our Next Life series:<\/strong><\/p>\n

Like You Were<\/a>
\nYounger<\/a>
\nA Good Life<\/a>
\nTime and Change<\/a>
\nHome<\/a>
\nWarm Milk and Memories<\/a><\/p>\n

Warm Milk and Memories<\/strong><\/p>\n

He begged off early that night\u2014claimed a headache that was only partly fake and left his family scattered about the great room in their usual evening pursuits.\u00a0 Normally it was his favorite time of the day, this slow winding down \u2026 but not tonight.\u00a0 Tonight, the sights which usually made him happy left him feeling instead disloyal and vaguely nauseated.\u00a0 It hadn\u2019t been too hard to convince Pa\u2014Ben, Mr. Cartwright\u2014that he needed the extra sleep.<\/p>\n

That sleep he\u2019d counted on didn’t come, though.\u00a0 Instead he lay staring at the dark ceiling, arms folded behind his head and the occasional tear trickling down onto his pillow.\u00a0 He wasn\u2019t crying, not really \u2026 but every now and then laughter would drift up from downstairs, and he\u2019d feel a stab of guilt and grief, and his eyes would fill.\u00a0 He was glad when his family\u2014yes, his family<\/em>\u2014finally made their way to their own beds, but still he didn\u2019t sleep and eventually he decided to give it up for the night.\u00a0 Pa would be irritated when he was overtired in the morning, but there didn\u2019t seem to be much he could do about that.\u00a0 Things would be okay again by tomorrow night.\u00a0 Hopefully.<\/p>\n

Jamie rolled out of bed and padded down the stairs.<\/p>\n

He was on the last step when a light rustle drifted from the shadows.\u00a0 Jamie froze, eyeing the darkened great room, and finally discovered Adam stretched out on the settee.\u00a0 His head was pillowed in the crook of one arm, an open book lay face down upon his chest.\u00a0 Jamie hesitated, surprised.\u00a0 Adam usually went back to his own place at night\u2014after he\u2019d come home from Australia, he\u2019d said he needed somewhere that was his own, and a little one-room cabin about half an hour\u2019s ride from the main house seemed to suit everybody.\u00a0 The pattering against the glass, though, reminded Jamie that it had been raining since dinnertime.\u00a0 Couldn\u2019t blame his older brother (and it was still a little weird to think of Adam, almost a stranger, as his brother) for not wanting to get wet.\u00a0 Adam had a room upstairs for times like this, though, so he must have just fallen asleep reading \u2026<\/p>\n

\u201cYou going to stand there all night?\u201d<\/p>\n

Jamie yelped, staggered off the step, and grabbed at the railing to keep from crashing into the blue chair or the rifle case.\u00a0 Adam rose quickly, setting his book aside.<\/p>\n

\u201cSorry.\u201d\u00a0 His voice was pitched low, though Jamie had already made plenty enough noise to wake any light sleepers in the house.\u00a0 No new sounds drifted from upstairs, though.\u00a0 Jamie was glad.\u00a0 The last thing he wanted right now was for Pa\u2014Mr. Cartwright\u2014to be asking why he was still up.\u00a0 \u201cAre you all right?\u201d\u00a0 Jamie straightened, nodding, and Adam chuckled softly.\u00a0 \u201cI didn\u2019t mean to startle you.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI thought you were asleep.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI heard you come down the stairs.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOh.\u201d\u00a0 Jamie sighed.\u00a0 \u201cSorry.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cDon\u2019t be.\u201d\u00a0 Adam lifted a curious eyebrow, barely visible in the dim glow of the banked fire.\u00a0 \u201cWhat are you doing up this late?\u201d\u00a0 He stepped closer.\u00a0 \u201cDoes your head still hurt?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat?\u00a0 Oh \u2026 no, it\u2019s okay.\u00a0 I mean \u2026 it still hurts a little, but it ain\u2019t too bad.\u201d\u00a0 He always seemed to start stuttering all over the place when he tried to talk to Adam, and he hated it.\u00a0 The man was so smart, though, and so composed that he always made Jamie feel a little put on the spot.\u00a0 \u201cI couldn\u2019t sleep, though, so I wanted \u2026 I thought I\u2019d get a drink.\u00a0 You know,\u201d he added lamely, \u201cin the kitchen.\u201d<\/p>\n

He sounded like an idiot.<\/p>\n

It was the middle of the night, he was exhausted, his head really did hurt, and he ached deep down inside at his core.\u00a0 He didn\u2019t care.<\/p>\n

Adam was silent for a moment, then offered, \u201cI think there are a few sugar cookies left.\u201d\u00a0 The deep voice was strangely wistful.\u00a0 \u201cWithout Hoss here, they don\u2019t go as \u2026\u00a0 Well.\u201d\u00a0 Okay.\u00a0 Not so strange.\u00a0 Jamie wasn\u2019t the only one missing somebody.\u00a0 Adam stepped back, his voice suddenly brisk.\u00a0 \u201cThat and a mug of warm milk sounds pretty good right about now.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYeah.\u201d\u00a0 Jamie offered a tentative grin.\u00a0 \u201cI could go for that.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam\u2019s hand landed companionably on his boney shoulder.\u00a0 \u201cI bet you could.\u201d<\/p>\n

He steered Jamie gently toward the kitchen, placing one finger over grinning lips as they passed Hop Sing\u2019s door.\u00a0 Jamie\u2019s return smile felt hollow, but even so, it was the first he\u2019d managed in hours.\u00a0 He claimed a stool by the center island as Adam fiddled with a lantern, lighting it and placing it on the well-scrubbed surface.\u00a0 For an instant the dark eyes rested on him, and Jamie had a sudden feeling that something showed in his face he didn\u2019t intend his brother to see.\u00a0 Then Adam’s gaze moved on, and Jamie wondered if he\u2019d been imagining things.\u00a0 Still, as Adam went to light the stove and place a pot on top, Jamie scrubbed frantically at his cheeks\u2014just in case red eyes or an errant tear stain was still visible.<\/p>\n

He didn\u2019t want to talk about it, and he didn\u2019t intend on giving himself away.<\/p>\n

Adam retrieved the milk in silence and poured enough for two, then straddled another stool as they waited for the drink to heat.\u00a0 The lantern was low, and the warmth from the stove stole through the small space, and the silence was comfortable and \u2026 sleepy.\u00a0 Slow minutes and deep night wrapped around them, lulling him where all the hours lying in bed had not.\u00a0 Jamie jerked awake as Adam rose to remove the pot from the heat and pour the warm, frothy milk into two mugs.\u00a0 He managed another rueful smile as milk and a sugar cookie appeared on the counter before him.<\/p>\n

The cookie was large and soft, and the milk was just right, and Jamie spoke without meaning to.<\/p>\n

\u201cMy pa died today.\u00a0 Well, tomorrow really.\u201d<\/p>\n

The sleepy, contented feeling vanished.\u00a0 Adam blinked, chewed slowly, swallowed, took a drink from his own mug, and finally said, \u201cI\u2019m sorry.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t know.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYeah.\u201d\u00a0 Why had he said it?\u00a0 Now the moment was ruined.\u00a0 Jamie tried to hurry past.\u00a0 \u201cNobody does, I haven\u2019t ever \u2026 said anything.\u201d\u00a0 Adam didn\u2019t respond, but the pressure of his heavy gaze was enough to keep Jamie babbling.\u00a0 \u201cI mean \u2026 I\u2019ve got a new family now, right?\u00a0 It would be weird for everybody to know how much I \u2026\u201d\u00a0 He trailed off, confusion and a strange sense of disloyalty\u2014to both<\/em> of his families\u2014overtaking him.<\/p>\n

Sometimes he wasn\u2019t sure what<\/em> he should feel.<\/p>\n

Of course, right now he felt nothing but embarrassed.\u00a0 Adam was part<\/em> of that new family\u2014although that seemed different somehow.\u00a0 They\u2019d only just met five or six months ago.<\/p>\n

The silence was awkward now, and Jamie searched frantically for something to say that would\u2014<\/p>\n

\u201cI used to worry about what would happen if Pa died or was hurt out on the trail.\u201d<\/p>\n

Jamie\u2019s roving gaze jerked back.\u00a0 He knew that Adam had grown up in a wagon too, and that like Jamie his pa\u2014Ben, Mr. Cartwright\u2014had for a time been his only family and his whole world.\u00a0 Sometimes Jamie thought it might be nice to talk with Adam about those times \u2026 but Adam wasn\u2019t somebody you just asked about things.\u00a0 Not things like that, anyway.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou \u2026 did?\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam\u2019s admission was both a surprise and a relief.\u00a0 Being left alone was a possibility Jamie had worried about constantly, especially in those last years.\u00a0 Pa hadn\u2019t been well for quite some time, and then there was always the chance that some angry crowd would \u2026\u00a0 Jamie shied away from that thought, from memories of yelling and pelting stones and hot tar.<\/p>\n

Anyway, it was nice to know he wasn\u2019t the only one.<\/p>\n

\u201cNot so much before Inger.\u201d\u00a0 Adam shrugged, bringing the mug to his lips for a slow swallow.\u00a0 Jamie had the distinct impression that his brother was using the drink to space his words.\u00a0 Maybe even his thoughts.\u00a0 \u201cI was still too young then to put it all together, for the most part\u2014though I think I was getting there.\u00a0 I\u2019d seen death, of course, but I didn\u2019t even remember my own mother, and I hadn\u2019t seen anyone\u2019s else\u2019s ma or pa die.\u00a0 At least, not anyone I really understood as a mother or father.\u201d\u00a0 He sighed.\u00a0 \u201cAfter Inger, though \u2026 Another boy had died on the trail not too may weeks before, and then her, and … there was just a point a few months later when I remember sitting by the fire and holding Hoss and really realizing<\/em> that it could happen to anybody, at any time.\u201d\u00a0 He lifted one dark brow, staring into his mug.\u00a0 \u201cIt could happen to Pa<\/em>, and then I\u2019d be alone with a baby brother and no idea what to do.\u201d<\/p>\n

Jamie shuddered. He\u2019d worried enough for just himself, he couldn\u2019t even imagine what it might have been like to have a brother or sister to worry about too.<\/p>\n

\u201cI didn\u2019t say anything to Pa,\u201d Adam continued.\u00a0 \u201cI wanted him to know he didn\u2019t have to worry about me.\u00a0 That he could depend on me.\u201d\u00a0 One tiny corner of his mouth quirked up. \u00a0\u201cHe kept a pretty good eye on us, though.\u00a0 It wasn\u2019t too long before he was after me to tell him what was going on, and I couldn\u2019t hold out against that.\u201d\u00a0 He shrugged.\u00a0 \u201cI didn\u2019t really want to, I guess.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat did he \u2026\u201d\u00a0 Jamie looked down, tracing a circle on the counter.\u00a0 \u201cWhat did he say?\u201d<\/p>\n

His own pa, filled with an eternal optimism that Jamie had never seen (before or after) in any other person, had \u2026 well, not brushed off Jamie\u2019s worries, but had always been quick to assure the boy that no matter how bad things got, everything would be all right in the end.\u00a0 A younger Jamie had believed him and been comforted, but as Jamie got older, as he watched his pa fade beneath illness and scorn \u2026<\/p>\n

He was curious how his new pa had responded to the same question.<\/p>\n

Adam studied the delicate china, eyes lost in memory.\u00a0 \u201cHe told me that he didn\u2019t plan on leaving me or Hoss for many, many years, but that sometimes things don\u2019t work out like we plan.\u201d\u00a0 He pulled a wry face.\u00a0 \u201cI knew that<\/em>, of course.\u00a0 But then he reassured me that there were plenty of people who would be happy to take care of me and Hoss, relatives and friends and a couple of the families in the train with us right then, even.\u00a0 I knew a lot of the names, and it made me feel a little better.\u00a0 Pa said he\u2019d talked with people after Inger died, and written down instructions in case something did happen, and that I didn\u2019t have to be the one to worry about taking care of either myself or my little brother.\u201d<\/p>\n

Jamie nodded, grinning faintly.\u00a0 \u201cYeah, that sounds like Pa.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam\u2019s gaze remained fixed in the past.\u00a0 \u201cI told him that I would miss him, though, and I didn\u2019t want anybody else taking care of us because it wouldn\u2019t be the same.\u201d<\/p>\n

It was true.\u00a0 It was true, and that<\/em> was what he didn\u2019t want any of them to know \u2026<\/p>\n

He must have moved, or made some sound despite his best efforts, because Adam\u2019s eyes flickered up.\u00a0 \u201cHe told me that it if anything happened to him it was all right for me to be sad\u2014that he hoped I would\u00a0miss him at least some<\/em>\u2014but that I had to pick something funny about him and remember it too.\u00a0 That I couldn\u2019t just<\/em> be sad.\u201d<\/p>\n

A dozen memories of good times and laughter hit Jamie without warning.\u00a0 His pa had thought laughter was the cure to all ills \u2026<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd as soon as he said it, all I could think about was the first time Hoss had a really bad<\/em> diaper after Inger died.\u201d\u00a0 Adam shook his head, rose, and strolled back to the cookie jar.\u00a0 \u201cPa went to change it, and it \u2026 well, it reeked, and he pinned everything back up and told me we were going down to the stream because he didn\u2019t want the wagon smelling like that while we were trying to sleep.\u201d\u00a0 Adam handed another cookie to Jamie and resettled.\u00a0 \u201cSo he took Hoss, and I brought the pins and the new diaper and \u2026 whatever else, and we went down to the stream.\u00a0 Pa took off the diaper, and we both almost passed out from the smell, and then we saw that Hoss wasn\u2019t even done yet.\u201d\u00a0 Jamie choked down a giggle, remembering at the last minute Hop Sing was sleeping next door.\u00a0 \u201cPa was holding him out over the water, and I was holding my nose, and Hoss was kicking around like it was some great game \u2026 and Pa and I just looked at each other and at Hoss and started laughing and couldn\u2019t stop.\u201d\u00a0 He shook his head.\u00a0 \u201cWe hadn\u2019t really laughed since Inger died, and I think it had just all built up to that point.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat happened?\u201d Jamie giggled, wiping at his eyes.<\/p>\n

Adam chuckled.\u00a0 \u201cOh, one of the women came down to rescue us.\u00a0 It took me and Pa hours to go to sleep that night, though.\u00a0 Every time one of us would start to drift off the other would start laughing again.\u00a0 Hoss was out right away, the little stinker.\u201d\u00a0 He sighed.\u00a0 \u201cWhen Pa said to think of something funny, I knew right away that would be it.\u201d\u00a0 Adam grinned, shaking his head.\u00a0 \u201cIt\u2019s still clear as crystal in my mind, even now.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWe got stuck in a ditch one time.\u201d\u00a0 Jamie spoke before he could change his mind.\u00a0 Adam’s words had called forth a flood of memories, and it seemed only right to share.\u00a0 \u201cWe were leaving this town in California, and things had gone good.\u00a0 It\u2019d been raining for two days straight.\u201d\u00a0 He cast a defensive glance toward Adam, daring the other to argue. \u00a0His brother only stuffed half a cookie into his mouth and settled back on his stool.\u00a0 Pacified, Jamie continued.\u00a0 \u201cIt shouldn\u2019t have been any big deal, but every time we tried to get out something went wrong.\u00a0 The horse was scared of a rock in front of him and wouldn\u2019t pull that way\u2014we never did guess what he thought it was, but we kept comin’ up with idea for the next week.\u00a0 When we tried to get him to back up instead, the rear wheels stuck.\u00a0 Almost tipped the whole thing, and half of our stuff ended up out the back in the mud.\u00a0 Pa got down and tried to guide the wheels, but he slipped and went down.\u00a0 I went to help him, and slipped too.\u00a0 We were both covered in mud from head to toe, and our wagon was stuck in a ditch that wasn\u2019t any deeper than my knees, and the horse was still actin\u2019 real funny about that rock, and Pa just looked at me and said,\u201d Jamie pitched his voice deeper, \u201c\u2018Jamie lad, there\u2019s a dark side to this rainmaking lark\u2019.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam\u2019s rich chuckle joined his own giggle, and a moment later Hop Sing\u2019s door yanked open.\u00a0 The cook\u2019s head appeared, hair frazzled and nightcap askew.\u00a0 \u201cIt middle of night, some people trying to sleep around here! You clean Hop Sing\u2019s kitchen before morning!\u201d\u00a0 The door slammed shut again before either could respond.\u00a0 Jamie clapped his hand over his mouth, stifling a snort.\u00a0 Adam turned back to him, grinning wide enough that his dimple appeared.<\/p>\n

His older brother.\u00a0 It \u2026 didn\u2019t seem so strange, now.<\/p>\n

Adam rose smoothly, wiping crumbs from the counter into one hand.\u00a0 Jamie slid off his stool and gathered the mugs for washing.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou said it would be strange for everyone to know, but no one wants you to forget him.\u201d\u00a0 Jamie froze, as Adam\u2019s voice spoke from directly behind.\u00a0 \u201cNo one here needs you to do that in order to feel secure about our family as it is now.\u00a0 We\u2019ve all lost people, we know that doesn\u2019t just go away in a week or a month or a year.\u00a0 We know how important it is to build a new family and<\/em> remember the old.\u201d\u00a0 One hand landed on Jamie\u2019s shoulder.\u00a0 \u201cJoe\u2019s mother taught me that, once I let her.\u201d\u00a0 A breath of a chuckle.\u00a0 \u201cI wonder sometimes why we always make it so hard for ourselves.\u201d<\/p>\n

Jamie hung his head for a long moment, fighting back tears for an entirely different reason.\u00a0 Adam waited patiently, his grip warm and heavy.\u00a0 Finally, Jamie managed a nod.<\/p>\n

\u201cThanks.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam squeezed once before releasing him.\u00a0 \u201cAny time.\u201d<\/p>\n

Jamie looked around quickly, but Adam was already pouring water to heat for washing.<\/p>\n

\u201cUh \u2026\u201d\u00a0 They were apparently done, and he was good with that.\u00a0 \u201cWash or dry?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWash.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cGood.\u00a0 I\u2019d \u2026 well, I\u2019d always rather dry.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI think I knew that about you.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam grinned, and Jamie grinned back.\u00a0 Then he went for another cookie while they waited for the wash water to warm.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Tags:\u00a0 Adam Cartwright,\u00a0Cookies,\u00a0Family,\u00a0Grief,\u00a0Jamie Hunter Cartwright,\u00a0Memories<\/p>\n

<\/div>\n

<\/g><\/svg><\/i> \"Loading\"<\/p>\n

<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Summary:\u00a0 In some ways, Adam and Jamie really aren’t so different.<\/p>\n

Rating: K\u00a0 \u00a0Word Count: 2845<\/p>\n

Scenes From Our Next Life series, links to stories of this series included.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":10468,"featured_media":383,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"template-full-width-post.php","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[4,40],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-15910","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-humor","category-challenges","wpcat-4-id","wpcat-40-id"],"a3_pvc":{"activated":true,"total_views":2170,"today_views":0},"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/02\/coming-soon-9.jpg?fit=320%2C240&ssl=1","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":15204,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=15204","url_meta":{"origin":15910,"position":0},"title":"Younger (by PSW)","author":"PSW","date":"September 2, 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"Summary:\u00a0 A quiet, light moment among family. Rating: K\u00a0 \u00a0Word Count: 519 Scenes From Our Next Life Series, links to stories of this series included.","rel":"","context":"In "Drama"","block_context":{"text":"Drama","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?cat=23"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/09\/IMG_2442.jpg?fit=766%2C639&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/09\/IMG_2442.jpg?fit=766%2C639&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/09\/IMG_2442.jpg?fit=766%2C639&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/09\/IMG_2442.jpg?fit=766%2C639&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x"},"classes":[]},{"id":15723,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=15723","url_meta":{"origin":15910,"position":1},"title":"Time and Change (by PSW)","author":"PSW","date":"November 6, 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"Summary: Adam reflects. Rating: K\u00a0 \u00a0Word count: 754 Scenes From Our Next Life series, links to stories of this series included.","rel":"","context":"In "Short Stories"","block_context":{"text":"Short Stories","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?cat=8"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/12\/CF6B97F4-6BBD-4149-BCA4-8B2B5E3AD24C.jpeg?fit=634%2C627&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/12\/CF6B97F4-6BBD-4149-BCA4-8B2B5E3AD24C.jpeg?fit=634%2C627&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/12\/CF6B97F4-6BBD-4149-BCA4-8B2B5E3AD24C.jpeg?fit=634%2C627&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x"},"classes":[]},{"id":15774,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=15774","url_meta":{"origin":15910,"position":2},"title":"Home (by PSW)","author":"PSW","date":"December 29, 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"Summary: Candy realizes that some things do change. 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