all <\/em>his children, he was a good man,\u201d Ben insisted.<\/p>\n\u201cHe was a very good man, and there\u2019s no question that he loved all of us\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBut not as much as he loved you,\u201d Elvira interjected. \u201cYou were his world Benjamin. I think he loved you more than he loved me,\u201d his mother said. She could not hide the jealousy in his voice. It dawned on Ben, maybe the root of some of her hatred of him stemmed from jealousy.<\/p>\n
\u201cDear Lord, you look like him Benjamin,\u201d his mother said sizing him up from the corners of her eyes. \u201cCourse you\u2019re fatter and your pa was much handsomer. He didn\u2019t have grey hair on his head till the day he died…you took your father from me, you took his love and you took his life. That\u2019s why I couldn\u2019t stay around after he died, I had to stare into his face every day, the face of my son who had killed his own father. My son, who my husband loved more than he loved his wife and other children\u2026I just couldn\u2019t do it. The thought that you lived and he was dead at your hand, no less, was too much for me to bear. You didn\u2019t deserve to be alive when he was dead,\u201d his mother said, her voice full of hate and anger.<\/p>\n
\u201cPapa\u2019s death was an accident Mother, you know that! Rachel, Ben and pa were out hunting and Ben dropped the gun and it went off. You act as if he deliberately killed him\u2026\u201d Elvira looked at her son and huffed. Accident or not, the end result was the same, her husband was still dead and at the hands of his own son.<\/p>\n
\u201cIronic isn\u2019t it? The boy he loved so much would be the one to take his life?\u201d Elvira added harshly. \u201cI left because I hated you for killing him Benjamin. I couldn\u2019t stay as long as you were there when every day, every moment I wished it had been you that had died instead of him.\u201d Leah glared at her mother and turned her attention back to her bother. He was looking at his feet, but his shoulders were set in anger.<\/p>\n
“So you ran out on us because you couldn\u2019t bear it, is that it?\u201d Ben asked quickly. That was no excuse to leave her children. Leah and Ben had done all they could to keep the family from starving, but they had no money and couldn\u2019t even afford seed for the crops because their father had taken the seed on credit, which had to be paid back immediately after his death.<\/p>\n
\u201cI was so distraught. What was I supposed to do?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI don\u2019t know, Mother, deal with your pain and be there for your children,\u201d Ben said sarcastically. \u201cYou took the easy way out and left us alone.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cA woman can only do so much.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cA woman perhaps, but a mother owes more to her children than that.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou were your father\u2019s responsibility, not mine. He wanted all you children; the only one of you I really wanted was Rachel and Leah sometimes.\u201d Ben looked at Leah, they had heard it all before. He wished desperately that his mother would leave. And he hated that Adam, Hoss and Joe were subjected to their feud and that she had hurt Joe. He hated the way she treated him in front of his sons, but he was torn. He was commanded by God to honor his mother and what\u2019s more, his father had loved her. Even as a boy Ben knew his father loved his mother. If for no other reason, he would put up with her for the sake of his father.<\/p>\n
And as much as he wanted to throw her out in the rain and forget about her, in his heart he loved her. He often asked himself why he loved her, she ran out on them and left them to starve, but yet he still loved her. She was abusive, mean and made it very clear how she felt about him, but yet he still loved her. Leah would say it was a testament to the kind of man he was, that he could still love their mother after all she had put them through, but there were times he wished he could stop loving her. It would sure make his life easier if he could. But love did not mean he had to like her, and he certainly didn\u2019t like his mother nor did he trust her.<\/p>\n
And she had set an example for him of what he did not want to be. He had his mother\u2019s temper, he had that much in common with her, and he knew from a young age the cost of letting the temper control him, instead of him controlling it. He swore that he would not be like his mother, no matter what it took, he vowed that he would not be like her. As if to test this vow, the good Lord had seen fit to give him Little Joe.<\/p>\n
Part 4<\/p>\n
\u201cBoys, run upstairs to bed now,\u201d Ben said quickly remembering that his sons were there and did not wish them witness any more than they already had.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m not half tired,\u201d Joe offered.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m not asking you Joe, I\u2019m telling you,\u201d Ben said firmly. Joe started to protest but was silenced by Adam\u2019s firm hand on his arm. The boys all hugged their father stiffly and headed up the stairs. Ben watched his sons until they were no longer visible. Then he turned back to his mother.<\/p>\n
“Will you just get out of my house, Mother, and go back where you came from?\u201d he asked. \u201cI really don\u2019t have the time or the desire to keep doing this with you.\u201d<\/p>\n
“Now wait Benjamin, I’ll say no more about it. I know you have to be wondering why on earth I came here. You must believe it\u2019s simply to torment you.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIsn\u2019t it?\u201d Ben asked quickly. Elvira ignored him and continued.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou know I married a few months ago?” Ben raised an eyebrow. He didn’t know.<\/p>\n
“I wrote to you\u2026do you not even read your dear mother’s letters?”<\/p>\n
“Maybe if I had a “dear” mother, I would read her letters. But you see, my mother is not a dear,” Ben retorted. Elvira didn’t flinch and continued on as if she hadn\u2019t heard him.<\/p>\n
“Anyhow, I married a man named Charles DuBois and he’s in many business ventures. Well lately, he decided he wants to get into cattle ranching\u2026” Ben looked at Leah, the horror evident in his eyes. Leah nodded ever so slightly and her brother’s face fell.<\/p>\n
“\u2026And naturally, I told him that my son is one of the biggest cattle barons in Virginia City and he decided he wants to buy some land out here and start a ranch ourselves. I told him I’m sure you’d be delighted to advise him about everything cattle ranching entails. I must say, I bragged you up pretty good dear Benjamin.”<\/p>\n
“That must’ve been the first time in your life\u2026” Ben said hotly. His mother looked at him quizzically.<\/p>\n
“I always brag about my children Benjamin,” she insisted.<\/p>\n
“Which children?” Leah asked and Ben had to bite back a chuckle.<\/p>\n
“Why, you and Benjamin, and Rachel and John, and sweet Thomas\u2026even poor little Thaddeus, dead all these years God rest his soul.”<\/p>\n
“John’s in prison and last I heard Thomas moved to Utah to join the Mormons, Mother,” Ben said.<\/p>\n
“And “poor little Thaddeus” died the winter you ran out us,” Leah added painfully. They had tried to keep the baby alive but he was just too young. The death of their brother was still a painful stop for Leah and Ben. At the very least, their mother should have taken him with her. He was still a baby, he needed her even more than they did.<\/p>\n
“My my, Leah, you and Benjamin sure know how to hold grudges, don’t you? I wish you’d both just leave the past in the past and let us move on from here. Thomas doesn’t hold it against me, he’s so sweet to me and he does keep in much better contact with me than you do, Benjamin.”<\/p>\n
“Yeah I’m sure he does,” Ben said harshly. Thomas had been only two years old when their mother left, he and John were spared the struggles of trying to provide for the family. Leah, Rachel, and Ben were forced to do whatever they could to keep food on the table. Many nights Ben had gone to bed without eating so his sisters and brothers could. When Elvira sent for Rachel, Leah and Ben had to provide for the family all on their own and it had been a daily struggle just to keep food on the table.<\/p>\n
Ben finally decided to go to sea at fourteen because then he could make enough to support them. He sent almost every dime he made home to Leah and managed to keep the family from starving. There wasn’t a day that went by that he didn’t resent his mother for leaving them to fend for themselves. He never blamed Rachel for leaving, she was always close to their mother and the struggle to provide for their family had been too hard for her to bear. It wasn’t her responsibility in the first place.<\/p>\n
“Thomas was too young to remember, we would have starved in those years after you left it wasn’t for Ben,” Leah added.<\/p>\n
“Nonsense! I sent money to you kids, Leah!” their mother shouted.<\/p>\n
“Fifteen cents every three months, Mother, really?” Ben asked. “That’s not nearly enough for four children.”<\/p>\n
“It was all I could afford, Benjamin.”<\/p>\n
“Yeah right,” Ben said quickly.<\/p>\n
“You’re so cruel to me, Benjamin. You and Leah have both lost spouses, you’ve three, Benjamin. You know how hard it is to stay around after such a loss. Your father was everything to me.\u201d Ben looked at Leah who rolled her eyes. Their mother said that their father was everything to her now, but when he was alive, she treated him terribly.<\/p>\n
“So you left us to starve?” Ben said angrily.<\/p>\n
“I couldn’t support everyone myself, Benjamin.”<\/p>\n
“We would have helped you mother, you know we would have. But you took the easy way and you left and now you walk back into my life and you want me to let bygones be bygones. That’s not going to happen,” Ben said. “I can’t stop you and your new husband from buying land here, but I’m not going to help you get started. You can figure that out on your own like we had to do when you left us. I want you out of this house by morning, Mother,\u201d Ben said firmly. \u201cLeah and Rachel are, of course, welcome to stay, but I\u2019ve had just about enough of you.\u201d Leah looked at her daughter, incredulous.<\/p>\n
\u201cIt\u2019s his house and you do have a way of wearing out your welcome,\u201d Leah said as her brother turned and went upstairs, Leah followed him, leaving their mother sitting alone by the fire.<\/p>\n
When Ben got up the next morning, his mother had her things outside and they were loaded in the buckboard. Hop Sing was in the driver seat and, he was sad to see, Rachel was going with her. He hoped that he would be able to talk to Rachel without their mother present. If he could only get her away from their mother, maybe he could talk to her without her mother influencing everything he said. He made no effort to go outside to bid them goodbye, instead he just stood on the porch, leaning against the post watching them. He knew his mother wasn\u2019t going for good. He knew her well enough to know that she\u2019d be back and no doubt she would have some kind of trick up her sleeve when she came back, but he would deal with that when it came up. Leah stood beside her brother, her shawl wrapped tightly around her shoulders.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou okay Ben?\u201d she asked as she looked at her brother\u2019s set face.<\/p>\n
\u201cYes, Lele, I just want her gone,\u201d Ben whispered. Leah smiled and touched his arm as she turned to go back inside. Over the years she had learned to tolerate her mother and she got along well with Rachel, she wished with all her soul that things could be the same for Ben, at least with Rachel.<\/p>\n
Ben stood on the porch to make sure they left, his mother did not look back but he noticed that Rachel looked over her shoulder, allowing her eyes to meet his briefly. He thought he saw a hint of sadness in her eyes.<\/p>\n
\u201cWell com\u2019 on Pa, let\u2019s get to work, it\u2019s Sunday and we\u2019re planning on a short day,\u201d Adam said as the three boys came out the door regretting that they had to go out and work at all. Normally they could take Sunday\u2019s off, and when there wasn\u2019t church, they didn\u2019t have to go town and could do whatever they wanted to do. But there was a broken fence near the east pasture and they had to fix it. After that, they could do whatever they wanted, but with the clouds still hanging low and dark in the sky, they suspected that their leisurely activities would be held in the house.<\/p>\n
They barely beat the rain home after fixing the fence, and could feel the drops of water on their faces as they arrived in the yard. If the clouds were any indication, they had one massive rainstorm coming.<\/p>\n
\u201cI hope ol\u2019 Hop Sing made it back from town, Pa,\u201d Hoss said looking up at the sky.<\/p>\n
\u201cHe has numerous cousins he\u2019 can stay with, he knows better than to try to beat the storm home.\u201d Hoss\u2019 face fell, if their cook did not make it back that meant that they were going to be subject to their father\u2019s rather awful cooking.<\/p>\n
Hoss could not hide his discontent as they put away the horses and saw no sign of the team of horses they used to pull the wagon. He had been working all day and he was looking forward to a nice, tasty meal cooked by Hop Sing. He tried desperately to hide his disappointment as they walked towards the house. But as they approached, they could smell delicious smells emanating from the house.<\/p>\n
\u201cSomethin\u2019 smell delicious,\u201d Hoss said licking his lips. Ben\u2019s face broke into a wide grin.<\/p>\n
\u201cBoys, I believe you\u2019re in for a treat, Leah is one heck of an amazing cook\u2026and I do believe I smell some apple pie,\u201d Ben said, his eyes dancing almost as much as Hoss\u2019. Hoss licked his lips and ran for the house, wanting to make sure he got first dibs.<\/p>\n
\u201cI do believe you\u2019ve out done yourself Lele, I think I\u2019m about to burst,\u201d Ben said as they finished dinner. She had made fried chicken, corn bread, mashed potatoes with butter, green opinions and garlic. The gravy was amazing and they all ate more than their fill. Despite their full stomachs, they all made room for apple pie and even Hoss declared it was better than Hop Sing\u2019s. Leah\u2019s face beamed with pride.<\/p>\n
Joe, Hoss, Adam and Ben helped her clear the table and wash the dishes, then they all retired to the sitting room. Leah sat on the couch, content and happy now that her mother and sister were gone and she could enjoy her brother and nephews.<\/p>\n
\u201cSo boys, how would you like to hear a story about when your pa was little?\u201d Leah said smiling winking at her brother who was looking in the cabinet by the stairs.<\/p>\n
\u201cLeah you\u2019re going to get me in trouble with the boys. I\u2019ve spent fifteen years convincing Joseph that he\u2019s the wild one in this family\u2026Adam have you seen the whiskey?\u201d Ben asked.<\/p>\n
\u201cIt was there Pa, you filled up the carafe two days ago, is it not there?\u201d Adam asked getting up to help his pa look. \u201cNope, you\u2019re right, it\u2019s not here,\u201d Adam declared.<\/p>\n
\u201cJoseph do you know anything about this?\u201d Ben asked sternly, while still looking in the cupboard.<\/p>\n
\u201cNo Pa, I swear,\u201d Joe said.<\/p>\n
\u201cIt was probably Rachel, Ben,\u201d Leah said quickly as her brother retrieved a bottle of wine from another cupboard and poured it in two glasses, handing one to his sister as he walked to the sitting room.<\/p>\n
\u201cRachel? She never drank a drop in her life, as I recall. Mother, I would believe, but not Rachel.\u201d Leah shrugged and let the subject drop. It was Rachel but she figured her brother had had enough shocks in the last day, she would talk to him more about it later. Leah took a sip of her wine as Ben took a seat near the fire and the boys found seats around their aunt.<\/p>\n
\u201cNow about your Pa,\u201d Leah said smiling at her brother who watched her from the corners of his eyes wondering what story of mischief he was going to tell the boys that he would not be able to live down.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhen your pa was about three years old, we had this Aunt Mirna who was staying with us for the summer while our pa was working for the railroad\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cOh dear, Leah, not this story,\u201d Ben said.<\/p>\n
\u201cOh yes Ben,\u201d his sister said, her eyes dancing with delight. \u201cAnyway, she was this mean old woman who had raised our mother.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cShe had this huge hooked nose with a mole right on the end, she looked just like a storybook witch,\u201d Ben added. \u201cRemember her hair, it was grizzled, grey and it stuck straight out.\u201d Ben was started chuckling as he reminisced about the woman who had scared the daylights out of him as a child.<\/p>\n
\u201cWell what happened auntie?\u201d Hoss asked anxiously.<\/p>\n
\u201cShe had this cane she walked with and she used to sit out on the porch every day, hollering at mother about this or that, and any time one of us kids would walk by, she swing at our legs with her cane. She tripped me more than once,\u201d Leah said angrily.<\/p>\n
\u201cMe too, and she left quite a welt on my leg,\u201d Ben said rubbing his shin as he remembered the rather hard whack he had been on the receiving end of for no good reason his three year old mind could comprehend. Leah nodded and continued.<\/p>\n
\u201cWell one day, I was walking by her with an armload of laundry and I tried to avoid her but she got me and tripped me. I fell and dropped the clothes everywhere. She was laughing like a witch and cackling. Then out of nowhere this ball comes flying through the air and, splat, hits here right on the nose,\u201d Leah said, hitting her nose with the flat of her hand. Her brother eyed her, he was going to have a hard time living this down with his sons.<\/p>\n
\u201cWell Hoss, where do you think the ball came from?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cPa threw it!\u201d Hoss added excitedly, his eyes wide with joy.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou bet he did. He had been playing with this hard rubber ball and he saw her trip me and at he threw that ball, and whack, it hit her right on the witch nose.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cPa you made it seem like you never did one bad thing when you were a boy,\u201d Joe said accusingly. Ben didn\u2019t say a word as he took a sip of his wine and watched his sister.<\/p>\n
\u201cNaturally, I was shocked, but the funniest part of the whole thing was when I looked out in the yard, your pa was standing stock still, his legs apart like a gunfighter, his arms folded across his chest and he was glaring at her. His hair was sticking up in all directions and then he took his left finger, pointed at Aunt Mirna, and said \u201cyou no hit Lele, witch lady,\u201d oh my but I nearly died laughing. It was so funny I couldn\u2019t stand it.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDid you break her nose, Pa?\u201d Adam asked, enjoying the story as well.<\/p>\n
\u201cNo darn it,\u201d Ben said chuckling.<\/p>\n
\u201cNo she wasn\u2019t hurt bad but she was boiling mad and she hated your pa from that day on. She actually was responsible for cultivating some of the bad feelings Mother had for you after that. She set out to thoroughly convince her that you were evil.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cUnfortunately she succeeded,\u201d Ben said looking at his left hand, if he looked close enough he could see the slightly crooked bones of his ring and index fingers that had been broken by his mother to break him of the habit. After he had thrown that left handed ball at Mirna, the woman had convinced his mother that because he used his left hand, he was somehow an evil child.\u201d The belief that he was evil, was also a large part of his mother\u2019s ill will towards him. Ben didn\u2019t know his mother\u2019s heritage because she never spoke of it, but he knew that wherever she and Mirna came from, they were highly superstitious people and believed strongly in signs they perceived as evil.<\/p>\n
Part 5<\/p>\n
The boys were still laughing about the story as they went upstairs to bed that night. They loved hearing stories of their father\u2019s mischievous past.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou\u2019re going to ruin my reputation with those boys Leah,\u201d Ben said as the boys went upstairs. His sister laughed and stood with her back to the fire, as she sipped her wine.<\/p>\n
\u201cI couldn\u2019t ruin it Ben,\u201d his sister said affectionately. \u201cThose boys adore you. You\u2019ve done so well with them. You\u2019re so different from Mother.\u201d Ben looked at his fingers again, he still remembered when his mother broke them, he had heard his fingers break. His sister noticed he was looking at his fingers, her heart filled with rage and anger.<\/p>\n
\u201cShe\u2019s such a terrible person, Ben, I still ask myself to this day what Pa saw in her. He was so even tempered, a lot like Hoss in a way, so kind, so slow to anger.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cMother is a very striking woman, Leah, and she knows how to work her charms on men, but I\u2019ve often asked myself the same thing.\u201d Ben bent his stiff fingers, they always felt stiff in the rain and lately they had begun to hurt when the weather got cold.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou know, when she broke my fingers, that\u2019s when I vowed before God that I would never be like her. I told the good Lord right then and there that if he ever gave me a son, or daughter who was left handed, I would break anyone\u2019s neck who tried to make them switch hands. It was just so pointless and painful.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIt took you so long to learn to write with your right hand. I felt so terrible for you when you just couldn\u2019t form the letters and you had to do your school work over and over again. \u201cYou were always very smart but switching your hands set you back a lot. It was like you couldn\u2019t get what was in your head, out of it.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIt was such a waste of time,\u201d Ben said. Leah nodded. Their mother was the type of person that would spend years on something as pointless as making her very stubborn, headstrong son switch hands, but no time on loving and cultivating a good relationship with them. \u201cWhy did she even bother, it wasn\u2019t as if she actually cared about how I looked to people?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo but she cared how she looked and you being left handed was a bad reflection on her she thought. Besides I think she wanted to break you, Ben. By refusing to switch hands, she saw it as you defying her, it became a battle of the wills.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI hate that she\u2019s here Leah, I know she\u2019s up to something. What do you know about her husband?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNot much, I know he\u2019s rich. I met him once, he seemed nice enough but it\u2019s really hard to tell. You can just never know with Mother.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m not going to help him start a ranch,\u201d Ben said firmly. Leah looked at him over the rim of her wine glass. She knew how strong her mother\u2019s will was and she knew how sneaky she could be. She would get what she wanted, just like she had when he was a boy. Leah feared that this time, though, it would be more than a few broken fingers. She wouldn\u2019t put it past her mother to destroy the Ponderosa if she had to get what she wanted.<\/p>\n
Leah set her glass down on the mantle by the fire and walked behind the chair her brother was sitting in.<\/p>\n
\u201cJust be careful Ben, you know how unscrupulous she can be.\u201d She ran her hand along his head, neck and shoulder. He caught her hand and looked into her eyes. He loved her so much. She had been more of a mother to him than his mother ever was and he attributed a lot of the way he turned out, to his older sister. Leah loved him unconditionally, she always had. From the time she held her tiny baby brother in her arms, she loved him and she never stopped. Leah had chosen to pick up the slack for their mother and in so doing she had shown her brother that it was possible to be different than his mother and that love was stronger than hate.<\/p>\n
\u201cI will Lele.\u201d<\/p>\n
The rain storm made the road to town impassable for two days, but Leah, Ben and the boys had no trouble entreating themselves while they were homebound. They delighted in hearing her stories of their father\u2019s childhood every night after dinner and found themselves wishing she could stay forever. They all knew she would eventually go back to her life and children in Philadelphia but they didn\u2019t dwell on it, they just enjoyed having her stay.<\/p>\n
Still, in the back of his mind Ben knew that all was not well. His mother had left his home but he knew she was in town along with her sister and his heart was filled with dread about what she was planning. The mention of her wanting to start a ranch of her own unsettled him because his mother was not the ranching type. She hadn\u2019t even so much as helped his father plow a field once; he seriously doubted she would be comfortable in the west, starting a ranch from scratch. He didn\u2019t put anything past in mother and in the back of his mind, he knew she was going to make trouble for him. She always had made trouble for him. He had often felt that she did not wish him to succeed and wouldn\u2019t be surprised if she tried to destroy the Ponderosa somehow.<\/p>\n
And as much as he feared what his mother might do, he also worried about Rachel. Despite the fact that he acted as if he\u2019d forgotten, Leah\u2019s assertion that Rachel had taken the entire bottle of whiskey, worried him greatly. The more he looked around the house, the more he realized other bottles of alcohol were also missing, the only thing she had managed to miss was the bottle of wine he had had a few nights before. It wasn\u2019t like Rachel to drink and it certainly wasn\u2019t like her to steal expensive liquor. His twin might hate him for reasons largely unbeknownst to him, but he had never known her to steal. He made up his mind that he would try to find her in town and ask her about it. He didn\u2019t know if she\u2019d speak to him, but it was worth a shot, especially if he could catch her alone, without their mother dogging her steps.<\/p>\n
So the next day, when Ben decided that the roads were passable, he and Adam went to town for the mail and supplies, while Joe and Hoss did chores on the range. Leah decided she was going to enjoy some peace and quiet and stayed home in front of the fire with a good book. They hoped to meet Hop Sing in town with the wagon to pick up the supplies.<\/p>\n
Hop Sing was waiting in front of the store with the buckboard when they arrived. He waved at them and asked if he could borrow one of their horses to return home. Since Ben would entrust Buck to no one but himself, that left Adam to oblige their cook with Sport, a prospect that Adam was not happy about, but the cook was a decent horseman and was soon on his way.<\/p>\n
\u201cSomething\u2019s more likely to happen to Hop Sing than to Sport, son,\u201d Ben said as Adam watched the cook leave on his horse.<\/p>\n
\u201cThen why didn\u2019t you lend him Buck?\u201d Adam asked following his father into the store. Ben looked at him as if he\u2019d ask him to lend him his own legs.<\/p>\n
\u201cBecause I\u2019m the only one who can ride Buck,\u201d Ben said matter of factly. \u201cYou know how temperamental he is.\u201d Adam didn\u2019t know, he was pretty sure his father only said that to keep anyone from riding his prized horse. But Adam knew better than to argue. There were a few things that his father was adamant about and no amount of arguing would change his mind, and the prohibition against anyone else riding Buck was one of those things. Adam let the subject drop and busied himself with helping his father collect their supplies.<\/p>\n
After the wagon was loaded, Adam went across the street for the mail and to stop at the bank, while Ben decided he was going to look for Rachel. He didn\u2019t have to look far because just as he was coming out of the store with the last bag of feed over his shoulder, he spotted her out of the corner of his eye. He looked at her in time to see her closing a flask and slipping it back into her bag. He threw the feedbag in the back of the wagon and hurried towards her.<\/p>\n
\u201cHello Rachel,\u201d he said startling her as he came up behind her. She turned and looked at him, her eyes hard and distant.<\/p>\n
\u201cBenjamin,\u201d she said flatly.<\/p>\n
\u201cNice the rain finally stopped,\u201d Ben said not sure how to proceed. Rachel shrugged and looked away.<\/p>\n
\u201cI don\u2019t know, I don\u2019t mind the rain, it keeps annoying brothers on their ranch where they belong,\u201d she said without looking at him. Ben sighed but pressed on.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhere\u2019s Mother?\u201d Ben asked.<\/p>\n
\u201cAround, you know her husband Charles showed up in town last night right?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo I didn\u2019t know. What\u2019s he like?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHe\u2019s not like Pa, but I suppose he\u2019s nice enough. What do you want Benjamin?\u201d she demanded.<\/p>\n
\u201cI saw you with that flask, Rach,\u201d Ben said quietly.<\/p>\n
\u201cStop calling me Rach, and so what? A woman is allowed to have a drink is she not?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cSure, a woman can drink all she likes to, but most don\u2019t do it in public from a flask,\u201d Ben said.<\/p>\n
\u201cSo I\u2019m embarrassing you in front of your friends is that it?!\u201d she said angrily. \u201cLet\u2019s get one thing straight Benjamin, you\u2019re not my father, and you\u2019re not my husband, just because you\u2019re my brother, doesn\u2019t mean you can tell me what I can and can\u2019t do. I will drink an entire bottle of whiskey on the front steps of the church if I want to and there\u2019s not a darn thing you can do to stop me.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWell I hope you won\u2019t do that because that would be rather awkward, but I only mentioned it because I\u2019m concerned, that\u2019s all.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou haven\u2019t written to me since before Adam was born and suddenly, now, you\u2019re concerned. What are you concerned about? That I\u2019ll get hammered and run through town in my undergarments signing at the top of my lungs? Afraid I\u2019ll bring shame to the name of Cartwright?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWell that would be embarrassing if you did that, and now that you mention it, that does add to my concern a bit, but no, I\u2019m worried because you took the whiskey from me without asking.\u201d Rachel looked at him, she wanted to shout at him and deny it but it was true and they both knew it. If there was one thing her brother knew how to do, was seemingly read her mind. He had been able to do that since they were children. He always knew when she was lying.<\/p>\n
\u201cWould you have given me the entire bottle without a lecture if I had asked you?\u201d she asked looking into his eyes. It had been years since she had seen his eyes, really actually looked into them. His eyes were just like their mother\u2019s, but where Elvira\u2019s were hard and cold, his were full of warmth, compassion and confusion.<\/p>\n
\u201cIf you had asked, me, probably,\u201d he replied. Rachel snorted and reached into her purse and pulled out a coin and shoved it in her brother\u2019s hand.<\/p>\n
\u201cI don\u2019t want your money Rachel,\u201d he said quickly.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat in the hell do you want then Ben?!\u201d she nearly shouted.<\/p>\n
\u201cI want to know why you hate me so much. I refuse to believe it simply due to my being male. We used to be best friends years ago, I just want to know what happened? I know in your heart, you\u2019re not like Mother, she doesn\u2019t have the capacity for love and empathy, but you do, Rachel. I\u2019ve seen it. If you wish to spend the rest of your life hating me, at least, for old time\u2019s sake, for the boy you used to tell all your secrets to, tell me what I did.\u201d Rachel looked at him, fine, she could play that game.<\/p>\n
\u201cTwo words Ben: Miss Pinky.\u201d Her brother\u2019s mouth fell opened in confusion. He had no idea who she was referring to. Rachel smirked. \u201cI knew you wouldn\u2019t remember. When you do, then we\u2019ll talk.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cRachel wait\u2026\u201d he said as his sister stepped away from the store and hurried off, leaving him completely dumbfounded. It took Ben a moment to stop his spinning mind, who in the world was Miss Pinky and what did she have to do with anything? He wracked his brain but couldn\u2019t think of a soul with that name.<\/p>\n
He was still puzzling over the identity of Miss Pinky when he stepped out into the street and was nearly run into by a horse. He jumped out of the way just in time and forced the mystery out of his mind for the time being. Maybe Leah would have some clue as to who Miss Pinky was.<\/p>\n
Ben tried to but the identity of the mystery woman out of his mind when he spotted Adam coming out of the bank. Adam handed him the receipt for the deposit and a few letters.<\/p>\n
\u201cLet\u2019s get going,\u201d Ben said starting towards the wagon. He stopped when his mother called out his name.<\/p>\n
\u201cBenjamin, wait darling,\u201d she said. Ben\u2019s heart stopped in his chest. His mother had never called him \u201cdarling\u201d in his entire life. Ben continued to climb onto Buck as his mother approached.<\/p>\n
\u201cDidn\u2019t you hear me calling you?\u201d she asked as he stopped and turned towards her.<\/p>\n
\u201cWell I thought you meant me but then you said \u201cdarling,\u201d and I knew that it couldn\u2019t be me you were referring to,\u201d Ben said sarcastically. Elvira eyed him angrily, her face turning from her forced smile to the expression she used to get before back handing him as a child. He saw her had move slightly, let her try to back hand him now, he thought. But she forced her anger aside. She had to keep up appearances after all.<\/p>\n
\u201cOh Benjie, you\u2019re such a jokester,\u201d she said.<\/p>\n
\u201cDon\u2019t call me Benjie, Mother, and what do you want?\u201d he shot back. His mother was briefly at a loss by the venom in her son\u2019s voice. He was not playing along with her charade at all.<\/p>\n
\u201cI simply wanted you to meet Charles Dubois, my husband,\u201d she said quickly as the man stepped up and extended his hand. Ben shook his hand and forced a tentative smile. He had no reason to dislike the man yet, but the fact that he was married to his mother was enough to make him more than a little apprehensive about his new step-father.<\/p>\n
\u201cNice to meet you Mr. Dubois,\u201d Ben said as Adam had finally climbed out of the wagon and was now standing beside him. \u201cThis is my son Adam, Adam, Charles Dubois,\u201d Ben said. His son shook the man\u2019s hand but didn\u2019t say a word.<\/p>\n
\u201cPleasure to meet you both, and there\u2019s no need to call me Mr. Dubois, Charles will do just fine.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI think Pa would be more fitting, don\u2019t you son?\u201d Elvira cooked putting her hand on Ben\u2019s arm, Ben pulled his arm back as if he had been burned.<\/p>\n
\u201cNo, he\u2019s not my pa,\u201d Ben said.<\/p>\n
\u201cYes, Elvie, what are you thinking? I\u2019ve only just met your son; you don\u2019t expect the boy to call me Pa right off do you?\u201d Ben didn\u2019t like being referred to as a boy, but decided against making a big deal about it for the time being. He was more interested in figuring out what Charles and his mother were up to.<\/p>\n
\u201cMother says you\u2019re looking to start a ranch out here?\u201d Ben said quickly bringing the topic to what he wanted to know.<\/p>\n
\u201cYes and we\u2019ve made good start of it. I\u2019ve just managed to buy a nice piece of land up by your north pasture.\u201d Ben\u2019s heart plunged into his stomach. The only piece of land that was for sale by the north pasture, contained the source of Fork Creek, the water source for a large portion of the Ponderosa and whoever controlled it could cut off the water. He had tried to buy it unsuccessfully for months.<\/p>\n
\u201cI thought old man Tarely wasn\u2019t selling?\u201d Adam said as his father struggled to find his breath.<\/p>\n
\u201cWell, my dear boy, if you throw enough money at him, any man will sell.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThe head of Fork Creek is on our land,\u201d Elvira told her son triumphantly.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m aware of that,\u201d Ben said. His mother smiled deviously.<\/p>\n
\u201cI believe that over one hundred miles of your land is watered by Fork Creek, isn\u2019t that right?\u201d she asked, knowing full well that it was. The sour expression on her son\u2019s face was not lost on his mother. \u201cYou know Ben, darling, we are thinking that since you\u2019re being so horribly mean to your dear old mother and refusing to help me start my own ranch, we could dam that creek and create a mill of some kind.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI spoke to the banker and he told me that there aren\u2019t many lumber mills out that way and our land also has some prime timber,\u201d Charles added.<\/p>\n
\u201cCharles, we have a water contract with Vern Tarley,\u201d Ben said quickly. \u201cIf you dam that creek, it will cut off water to a large part of the Ponderosa, not to mention it\u2019ll flood Silver Canyon, and some very prime timber land, which happens to be on the Ponderosa.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWater contracts don\u2019t necessarily pass to the next owner,\u201d Elvira said. \u201cAnd we aren\u2019t bound by a contract you had with the previous owner.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo but you are bound by land boarders and you cannot flood my land in the process,\u201d Ben said quickly. \u201cAll of Silver Canyon and all the land surrounding yours belongs to me.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWe\u2019ll see about that,\u201d Elvira said under her breath.<\/p>\n
\u201cNow, now Elvie, let\u2019s not get testy. We don\u2019t have to dam a thing if Ben would be so kind as to help us start a ranch of our own.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cEven if we do help you, you can\u2019t possibly compete with our cattle, why bother?\u201d Adam asked.<\/p>\n
\u201cConsider it a hobby of mine,\u201d Charles said.<\/p>\n
\u201cCattle ranching is an expensive, back breaking hobby,\u201d Ben replied. \u201cBut if you\u2019ll sign a new water contract, I\u2019ll help you start your ranch and what\u2019s more, I\u2019ll give you twenty five head of cattle to start your herd,\u201d Ben said feeling like he had the upper hand. His mother could do whatever she wanted if he got the water contract. He had not wanted to give in to his mother, but it was better than the alternative at the present time. He could not afford to have that much land dried up. It would kill his best grazing land, wipe out the water for the homesteaders along the creek and kill thousands of acres of timber. If they would agree to a new water contract, he could spare some time to help them get started.<\/p>\n
\u201cWell Elvie, what do you think about that?\u201d her husband asked excitedly. Elvira looked at her son, his gaze held hers.<\/p>\n
\u201cNo,\u201d she said sternly. \u201cWe won\u2019t be bound by a contract. We\u2019ll start the ranch ourselves and what\u2019s more, we\u2019ll own the Ponderosa before we\u2019re through. You think that just because you have the biggest ranch in all of Nevada, that I can\u2019t compete with you? Well son, let the war begin. I will ruin you.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhy would you wish to do that Mother,\u201d Ben asked quickly.<\/p>\n
\u201cBecause I want what you have, why else would I do it?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou can buy what I have with the kind of money your new husband has,\u201d Ben retorted.<\/p>\n
\u201cI don\u2019t want something like the Ponderosa, I want the Ponderosa. All of it, every last acre.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat good would it do you?\u201d Adam asked, hating his grandmother even more than he did before.<\/p>\n
\u201cNo good, I just want to see Ben fail at something for once in his life. Ever since he was born, all I heard from his father was \u201cBens\u2019 so smart, he\u2019s going to own the world if he wants to, he\u2019ll have whatever he sets his mind to,\u201d well, I\u2019m going to prove your father wrong. I\u2019m going to have my mind set to your land and I\u2019ll get it if it kills me. You and your pa may be stubborn Adam, I know how stubborn you pa is, but you forget, I broke him. I won. I want him to be beholding to me instead of him feeling like I owe him.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou didn\u2019t break me, Mother,\u201d Ben nearly shouted.<\/p>\n
\u201cReally son, which side is your gun on?\u201d she asked. Her son was taken by surprise and looked down at his gun. \u201cIf I didn\u2019t break you, why isn\u2019t it on the left?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNow, now, we\u2019re all family, no one\u2019s trying to \u201cbreak\u201d anyone. I\u2019m sure we can arrive at an arrangement that we\u2019ll be satisfied with,\u201d Charles chimed in. \u201cCome along Elvie, we have much to do and I think we\u2019ve held your son up long enough.\u201d Elvira walked with her husband, but managed to glare triumphantly at her son. Ben watched his mother go, he was so angry he could hardly breathe.<\/p>\n
\u201cShe\u2019s not getting the Ponderosa,\u201d Ben said as he turned back towards the horse.<\/p>\n
\u201cShe won\u2019t Pa, we\u2019ve been up against all odd before,\u201d Adam said as he climbed on to the wagon seat. They had been up against greater foes before but none who seemed to be driven by such hatred. Adam couldn\u2019t understand why his grandmother was so hateful. He knew she was jealous of his father and she blamed him for the death of his father, but the level of her hatred of him was hard to fathom and made it hard for him to understand her motivation.<\/p>\n
Part 6<\/p>\n
Ben and Adam rode back to the ranch mostly in silence. Adam drove the wagon and Ben followed beside on Buck. His mind was racing with the confrontation with his mother. He worried that she could cause problems for him, but he knew that the land around hers was on the Ponderosa and although she could cut off the water, she couldn\u2019t flood the land legally. It would be hard to dam the water because the water had to go somewhere and the only place she could send it, would be Ponderosa land. Still, he worried that she could find a way.<\/p>\n
Even if she did it illegally, the damage would be done and the ramifications would be catastrophic to his ranch. If she sent the creek one direction, it would flood the timber in Silver Canyon and the homesteads along the valley, if she sent it another way, it would flood their house and take out the herd and hundreds of acres of timber and more homesteads. None of these scenarios could be legally done, but then, his mother never seemed to care too much about what was legal and what wasn\u2019t.<\/p>\n
\u201cIt\u2019ll be okay Pa,\u201d Adam said. \u201cWe have the deeds to all the land around their plot, we own the timber rights in Silver Canyon, they can\u2019t just dam the river.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cLegally, but if they do it illegally, then the damage will still be done,\u201d Ben worried. \u201cThis could destroy us.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWe have all the maps and deeds and she has to have a survey done before she can just start damming the creek.\u201d Ben nodded, he supposed Adam was right but still it weighed heavily on his mind. Charles Dubois was the son of a steel tycoon, his father own real estate in every state and territory from New York to Mexico, he could buy the whole territory of Nevada if he wanted to, with no more thought than a man might give to buying a bag of feed. If his mother wanted the Ponderosa, she could find a way to get it. With that kind of money at her disposal, she could easily have deeds and maps showing land boundaries forged. Fighting the legal battles to prove the land belonged to him would be costly and he didn\u2019t have the resources she did. If she set her mind to get it, she had every means at her disposal to succeed.<\/p>\n
Ben helped Adam unload the supplies, his distress evident on his face. Adam tried to be reassuring, but the truth was that he did not know his grandmother like his father did. Ben knew that she was not the type of person to just give up. If she set her mind to something, she made it happen, right or wrong, she saw it through to the end. She had spent more than six years of his life forcing him to switch hands, never giving an inch until her son finally complied. And even after he switched for good, she spent the next several years forcing him to write his schoolwork over and over again until his writing was flawless and perfect. No matter how much he protested or even cried in frustration, she refused to give in. She had a will like none other. Ben Cartwright was a stubborn man, but his mother\u2019s will was just as strong if not stronger and she, unlike him, was never willing to compromise. If she met someone who resisted her, she fought harder; it became a game with her to beat them at any cost.<\/p>\n
\u201cDon\u2019t worry we have everything in order, there\u2019s nothing she can do, she\u2019s just trying to scare you,\u201d Adam said.<\/p>\n
\u201cThere\u2019s a lot she can do Adam,\u201d Ben said realizing that the fear that had lingered in his heart as a child, had returned. Fear of his mother had been with him constantly as a child, and only after she left, did he even realize it had been there. As much as he hated and resented her for leaving them, her departure had given him a sense of peace that he had never felt in all his life prior to that. He wasn\u2019t constantly walking on egg shells; afraid of being stunned by an unexpected backhand to the face, or the biting insults he always seemed to be on the receiving end of, or trying to protect his siblings from her unpredictable wrath. In many ways her abandonment had been his liberation. But now, she was back, and he felt the same helplessness he had felt then. It was foolish to feel that way, he was a grown man and his mother was an old woman, and though she couldn\u2019t physically hurt him anymore, she could still hurt him by taking everything he held dear. She had already taken Rachel from him, their bond had been unbreakable for many years, and she had succeeded in turning his beloved sister against him. The woman\u2019s cruelty knew no bounds and that was what he feared.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou\u2019re not very good at hiding your worry, Pa,\u201d Adam said as they walked to the house.<\/p>\n
\u201cIt\u2019ll be alright Adam, we\u2019ll figure it out,\u201d Ben said, forcing himself to be positive for the sake of his son. It would have been better for both of them if he had told Adam what he felt. Adam knew his father was plagued with worry and he wanted to shoulder it with him. He was old enough to carry it too. He worried about his father trying to carry the fear and worry all on his own. It could weaken him to the point of getting sick or making a rash decision that could cost him his life and for Adam, the fear of losing his father, was greater than the fear of losing the Ponderosa.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m going to go out and make sure Joe and Hoss rounded up those strays instead of goofing off again. Try not to worry too much; we\u2019ll see what we can figure out tonight and keep a constant eye on the North Pasture and Silver Canyon, ok?\u201d Adam said. Ben nodded his thanks but not worrying was easier said than done.<\/p>\n
Once he got inside, Ben hung his hat up and pulled off his gun, remembering the words of his mother \u201cI broke you, what side is your gun on?\u201d she had said. She might have broken him once, but never again. If she wanted a war, a war she would have, he thought as he sighed and tried to calm his frazzled nerves.<\/p>\n
\u201cDid you see Mother and Rachel in town?\u201d Leah asked as she looked at him from the warmth of the chair by the fire. Ben nodded and walked to the opposite chair and sat across from his sister. Leah knew from the tenseness of his shoulders that he was upset and watched as he raked his fingers through his hair. He told her of the encounter with their mother and she too felt fear. She knew that Adam had made logical arguments, the law was on Ben\u2019s side, but that didn\u2019t mean that their mother couldn\u2019t still cause problems for him. She still did her best to reassure him that all would be alright. Ben was very smart and savvy about such things but so was their mother, she could prove to be a formidable foe and with that much money at her disposal, Leah understood Ben\u2019s worry fully.<\/p>\n
\u201cBy the way Leah, do you have any idea who Miss Pinky is?\u201d Ben asked, suddenly remembering that the name was the key to the mystery of Rachel\u2019s hatred. At least maybe some good could come out of the visit if he could patch things up with his twin.<\/p>\n
\u201cWho?\u201d Leah asked. Ben looked at the fire then back at Leah.<\/p>\n
\u201cMiss Pinky? Rachel told me today that she was the reason why she hates me so,\u201d Ben said. \u201cI\u2019ve wracked by brain but can\u2019t seem to recall anyone with that name.\u201d Leah set her book down on her lap and smiled as it dawned on her.<\/p>\n
\u201cThat\u2019s because it\u2019s not who, it\u2019s what. Miss Pinky was Rachel\u2019s doll\u2026remember that hideous monkey doll she loved so much?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cOh, you\u2019re right, the one I threw into the fire,\u201d Ben said regretfully.\u201d Leah looked at her brother from the corners of her eyes.<\/p>\n
\u201cI told her over and over again, I never meant to throw the doll in the fire,\u201d Ben said with a slight edge in his voice. \u201cBut she refuses to believe me. How can she think I would deliberately destroy something she cared so much about?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBecause Mother convinced her that you did.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou know to this day, I have no idea how that doll got into the paper scraps? I suppose that old mutt Rex might have dropped it in there, but the bin was up too high for him to reach,\u201d Ben said more to himself than to his sister.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou really have no idea Ben?\u201d Leah asked.<\/p>\n
\u201cNo, why would I?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBecause Mother put that doll in the scraps,\u201d Leah said. \u201cThen she told you to empty the paper scraps into the fire knowing full well that Miss Pinky was in there and would be destroyed and you would be blamed for it.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo Leah, why would she do that?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cMother was a bit tipsy a few years back and she admitted to me that she did it, she would tell me why only that she did it because she felt like it. I told Rachel but she didn\u2019t believe me. As to why, well why does our mother do anything she does? The nearest I can figure is she did it for a few reasons: one being that she was jealous of how much Rachel loved it because Papa gave it to her, and Mother was always resentful of the gifts Pa got us, especially if he didn\u2019t get a gift for her. The second reason is because the doll was threadbare and worn out and you know how Rachel carried it everywhere she went and Mother thought it was disgusting. And the last reason, and I think her main reason, was to turn Rachel and hopefully, Pa himself, against you. Think about it Ben, you were always teasing Rachel about that doll, calling it Miss Stinky and telling her it was ugly\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI was just funning with her, I never planned to damage it or do anything to it,\u201d Ben retorted. \u201cI would never have done that. I helped Rachel tear the house apart that time she couldn\u2019t find it and it turned out Rex had taken it to his dog house, remember? I even crawled in his house to get it for her. I was so worried that he had torn it up, but he didn\u2019t. I was so excited I found it I ran back to the house so fast I couldn\u2019t even talk, I just handed it to her as I tried to catch my breath.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI know, I remember all that but once it was gone, Mother used the harmless teasing as proof to Rachel that you did it on purpose. She told her you put out in the dog house to be mean\u2026Rachel was so upset about the doll being destroyed that she believed her. Once she started to believe her, Mother just kept at it until everything you ever did, was twisted in such a way that everything you did was done out of shellfish and cruel intentions.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHow could Rachel believe her Leah? I cried my eyes out over throwing that doll in the fire. I burned my hand and singed the hair off my arm trying to get it out before it burned up. It was just a stupid doll, how can she still hold it against me after all this time?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBecause it wasn\u2019t just a stupid doll to her Ben, it was a prized gift that Pa had picked out especially for her. It was her favorite toy and her way of feeling close to him while he was away so much. It was a symbol that he did love her and you, the son she knew he favored, took it away from her.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cShe thinks I betrayed her,\u201d Ben said finally, the realization dawning on him. He knew that the doll burning up had deeply hurt his sister, but he never knew how much it had or the feelings she had associated with the doll until that moment.<\/p>\n
\u201cYes, she probably does. Mother no doubt told her you were jealous because you wanted Pa to love you best and didn\u2019t want him giving gifts to the other children. And you know Mother told Pa you did it on purpose?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHe nearly tanned my hide for it too,\u201d Ben said remembering the look his father had given him when his mother had told him he threw it in the fire. His father had a look of utter disappointment that Ben had never seen before. \u201cI would have gotten one hell of a whipping if it hadn\u2019t been for you coming to my defense.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWell I told him how you came running into the kitchen crying so hard you couldn\u2019t talk, you hand was burned and you told me to come right away. You just kept saying \u201chow\u2019d it get in there, how\u2019d it get in there?\u201d By the time I got there, there was nothing left of the doll, and I remembered you collapsed in front of the fireplace sobbing so hard you couldn\u2019t breathe. You just kept saying \u201cI\u2019m sorry Rachel, I\u2019m sorry Rachel,\u201d even though she was still outside playing at the time. Pa believed me and felt that you wouldn\u2019t have reacted so strongly if you had done it on purpose. Besides that, I asked him why you would have wanted to. You had never done anything like that before.\u201d Ben had to blink to keep his own tears at bay. It had been a terrible experience for him, made that much worse by the knowledge that his mother was responsible for it.<\/p>\n
\u201cI told Rachel I would buy her a new one. The first thing I did after I went to sea, no matter where the ship docked was to run to the store and look for a new one but I never could find one. I have no idea where Pa found it, but I could never find another. I still keep my eyes out for one to this day. I promised her I\u2019d replace it and I have yet to fulfill that promise. Not sure it\u2019d do much good now anyway,\u201d Ben said.<\/p>\n
\u201cIt might be worth a shot if you were to find one. I don\u2019t think all hope is lost with Rachel. I think that\u2019s why she drinks, because she misses you but has too much Cartwright pride to admit it. And of course all the years that have gone by and all the perceived hurts that have just compounded. She lives with Mother and it think it\u2019s just easier for her to hate you rather than to admit that Mother never really cared for her either. Hating you is what Mother wants her to do and it\u2019s easier than admitting that she fell for Mother\u2019s lies. Then there is the truth about how Pa died\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cLeah!\u201d Ben said quickly. Leah looked at her brother.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat Ben? I never believed you should have taken the blame for it.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWe agreed to never speak of it! I don\u2019t care what you believed I should have done. I had my reasons.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cFine but we both know that you didn\u2019t kill Pa, she did\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI love you with all my heart but you\u2019ll not speak of it again in this house. Is that clear?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI won\u2019t speak of it again Ben, but you don\u2019t have to keep protecting her especially after the way she\u2019s treated you for so many years.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cRachel is my sister, she\u2019s my twin, and I will always protect her, the same as I\u2019ve always protected you. How she chooses to treat me doesn\u2019t change that.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI know, you\u2019ve always had such a strong bond with each other. You and she used to have this connection, like you could sense what the other one was feeling. She used to tell me that she could feel it when you were hurting and you seemed always able to read her mind, like you could feel what she was feeling and know what she was thinking. When she got lost, you always knew exactly where she was and went right to her. Mother of course, thought that was another sign that you were evil because the connection you felt towards each other was stronger than normal brother and sister.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cRachel could always feel it when I hurt myself too,\u201d Ben said.<\/p>\n
\u201cShe still can, when we were on the way out here, she was stepping into the stagecoach and stopped when her ankle tightened. Mother asked her what was wrong and she said \u201cNothing, probably Ben\u2019s just twisted his ankle.\u201d She rubbed it and went on her way, but it set Mother off saying how it was unnatural and only a boy with the devil inside could hurt his sister without even being near her. I never thought it was strange, I just thought that it was because you are twins you\u2019re connected more strongly to each other than normal siblings are. I\u2019ve heard of it happening with other twins, but Mother uses it to point out to Rachel how bad you are and that you even how the power to cause her physical distress from afar. I\u2019m not sure Rachel quite buys that though.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhen we were sixteen and I was at sea, I had this overwhelming sense of sadness; I remember it being so strong I knew immediately that something was wrong with Rachel. Come to find out later that was the day that little weasel of a fianc\u00e9 of hers, broke it off with her. I still can feel it when she\u2019s sad or happy. I haven\u2019t sensed her happiness in many years. All I want is for her to be happy. That\u2019s all I\u2019ve ever wanted for Rachel. I could live with her never speaking to me again as long as I knew she was happy.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBut she can\u2019t be happy if she never speaks to you again, that\u2019s why she\u2019s not. That\u2019s why she drinks. I\u2019ve told her over and over again, \u201cyou need to make things right with Ben, you won\u2019t be happy until you do,\u201d but she always has some reason. And every time I think I\u2019ve convinced her to write to you and see what happens, Mother always talks her out of it. I think Mother feels that if she makes amends with you, Rachel won\u2019t love her anymore. Or that Rachel will love you more than she loves her, just like she felt that Pa loved you more than he loved her. It\u2019s like it some kind of competition with Mother as to who loves who more.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI miss Rachel, as odd as that may sound,\u201d Ben said.<\/p>\n
\u201cIt doesn\u2019t sound odd at all. She\u2019s your twin sister and you were always very close as children. You were inseparable for many, many years. When you were very young, you shared a bed and whenever I went in to say goodnight, you always had your arms around each other. Sometimes you\u2019d kiss her face in your sleep and mumble \u201cI love you.\u201d Then she\u2019d rub your cheek and say \u201cI love you Benjie.\u201d She was the only one who could get away with calling you Benjie, even Pa\u2019s ma, Grammy, whom you adored, was not allowed to call you Benjie. Even I was told by you in no uncertain terms, that I was not to call you Benjie. You have a special bond with her, of course you\u2019re going to miss her.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI check the mail every week for a letter from her, hoping maybe she\u2019ll reach out to me, but they never come.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cShe does the same with you,\u201d Leah said. \u201cShe and Mother live next door to me; she and I always walk to the post office together. Every time I get a letter from you, she looks anxiously and asks if you wrote to her too.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI didn\u2019t know she still wanted me to write, she never wrote back to me before\u2026when I went to sea I wrote to her every week. I tried to make amends back then but I never received even one letter back from her. I finally stopped writing to her when I married Elizabeth because it was too painful to write and never, ever receive a response.\u201d Leah looked perplexed.<\/p>\n
\u201cRachel said she never received any letters from you when you were at sea,\u201d Leah said. Ben\u2019s eyes squinted in confusion.<\/p>\n
\u201cI don\u2019t know how that\u2019s possible. You got yours, Mother got hers on the rare occasion I\u2019d write to her and John and Thomas always seemed to get most of theirs. I sent Rachel\u2019s at the same time. How could she not get any of them?\u201d Leah\u2019s heart plummeted into her stomach and her mouth fell opened in disbelief. She knew her brother wasn\u2019t lying about the letters and she knew that Rachel wasn\u2019t either. There was only one explanation.<\/p>\n
\u201cMother!\u201d they both said together.<\/p>\n
\u201cThe old witch must have taken Rachel\u2019s letters!\u201d Leah said, stunned despite the fact that she had long since ceased to be amazed at how low her mother would stoop. \u201cIt\u2019s the only possible explanation; she lived with Mother the whole time you were at sea.\u201d Ben felt as if he had been punched in the stomach, how could his mother do that to Rachel? No wonder she hated him. First their mother convinced her that he deliberately destroyed Miss Pinky and then she took every single letter he wrote to her thereafter and convinced her that it was because he no longer cared about her.<\/p>\n
\u201cMy God, Leah\u2026No wonder she hates me,\u201d Ben said shaking his head in utter disbelief. Leah and Ben sat in stunned silence for a moment, both trying to fathom the depth of their mother\u2019s depravity. \u201cI just\u2026I\u2019m at a loss for words.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cMe too. I\u2019ll make us some tea,\u201d she said as she patted his knee and got up slowly. He brother was resting his chin on his tightly clasped hands and the edges of his eyes were starting to water.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m so sorry Ben,\u201d she said as she rubbed his shoulder gently. Her brother nodded but didn\u2019t speak. Leah blinked back her own tears as she headed for the kitchen.<\/p>\n
Part 7<\/p>\n
After talking with Leah, Ben\u2019s heart felt heavier than it had before. He felt better that he knew the source of Rachel\u2019s hatred for him, but he didn\u2019t know how to begin to fix it. He could swear to her that he had written to her when he was at sea and tell her again that he had not meant to destroy Miss Pinky, but he had said those things before and she hadn\u2019t believed him. He wished there was some way he could get to Rachel alone and really talk to her from his heart, without his mother or anyone else to butt in. But there was the matter of his mother\u2019s property and the prospect of the damming of Fork Creek to occupy his time and mind. He or the boys checked it every day and for more than two weeks there was no sign of any activity on the land. But nearly two weeks later as he and Leah were riding out to check on the North Pasture, they were met by Adam running at full speed on his horse, towards them. Ben and Leah urged their horses towards him, pulling their horses to a stop as he did the same.<\/p>\n
\u201cPa, Aunt Leah, I\u2019ve just come from checking Silver Canyon, grandmother, Charles and Rachel are up there with the surveyor. They\u2019ve got ropes laid out all along the ground, tied to the trees. I went up there to tell the surveyor that this is our land, but he said that they have maps that show otherwise. I\u2019m riding to the Land Office in town to get copies of the original maps.\u201d Ben\u2019s heart sank and he was filled with fear.<\/p>\n
\u201cWe have maps at the house, those will be faster than going all the way to the land office,\u201d Ben added.<\/p>\n
\u201cNo, grandmother has some that are dated two months older than the ones we have. I have them here in my saddle bags, I brought them just in case.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDamnation! All right son, ride like hell to town and see if you can get a copy of the original maps and deeds. If not, send a wire to Carson City and see if we can get one from the Hall of Records. Pay whatever you have to to get the maps here as quickly as you can.\u201d Adam nodded breathlessly and urged his horse on.<\/p>\n
\u201cLeah can you find your way back to the house and get Hoss and Joe and bring them out here right away? I\u2019m going to need some back-up.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI think I can find the way,\u201d Leah said.<\/p>\n
\u201cJust follow the trail back, keep the lake on your left and follow the bend to the right, it shouldn\u2019t be more than four miles.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019ll find it, are you sure you want to go alone, you never know what Mother might do.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI have to go, with the land surveyor there; I doubt she\u2019ll try anything. I know the surveyor, he\u2019s a reasonable man, if I can\u2019t get Mother to listen to me, I might be able to get him to delay until we can get the original maps and deeds.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cOkay Ben but be careful,\u201d Leah said turning her horse towards the house. Ben nodded and turned Buck in the opposite direction.<\/p>\n
Ben kicked Buck, urging the horse to run at top speed as he ran the nearly two miles to the top of Silver Canyon, his heart was racing almost as fast as the horse beneath him. He knew his mother was planning something and the fact that she had a map that was older than his, meant that she had forged it and he wondered how far the forgery stretched. If she had enough foresight to forge the ones in Carson City also, there would be very little they could do to prove the land belonged to them. The best the might be able to do, would be to sue for an injunction and delay the process for a few months. But what then?<\/p>\n
Ben\u2019s head was spinning as he neared the top of the canyon, his horse was sweating beneath him and he was picking his footing carefully, Ben knew the horse was tired but he urged him onward. He felt as if he was racing against the dam itself, as if a wall of water was waiting to be released and flood everything he owned as far as the eye could see.<\/p>\n
\u201cJust a bit more old boy,\u201d Ben urged his panting horse. He slowed a bit as the climb became steeper. He didn\u2019t want to kill the animal in his urgency and there wasn\u2019t a wall of water waiting to sweep him away. Still he pressed on urgently. His stomach clenched in fear as he finally rounded the top of the canyon. Adam was right, there were rope laid out along the ground, stretching all the way over the edge of the canyon. His mother and Charles were looking at a map laid out on a table, Rachel stood off in the distance, her arms folded across her chest as if she was nervous. The surveyor had put his equipment away and was loading it on the back of his wagon.<\/p>\n
\u201cOh hi Ben,\u201d the surveyor said as Ben pulled Buck to an abrupt halt and jumped off, the horse was agitated as Ben held his lead and gently quieted him.<\/p>\n
\u201cHi yourself Mark, what in the world is going on here?\u201d Ben said angrily.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat does it look like Ben, I\u2019m doing a land survey. Mr. and Mrs. Dubois are thinking about damming the creek on their land and were just trying to chart the best course of action for the flow of the water.<\/p>\n
\u201cThis is Ponderosa land! If you\u2019re going to flood it, don\u2019t you think you should make sure that you have the permission of the landowner?\u201d Ben thundered. Mark was unfazed.<\/p>\n
\u201cDon\u2019t tell me my job Cartwright. I know what I\u2019m doing and they\u2019ve provided documentation to show that this is not the Ponderosa at all. See for yourself if you want,\u201d he said nodding at the table that his mother and Charles were leaning over. Ben hurried to the table and snatched the map, his heart fell to his feet, the maps did seem to indicate that the land he was standing on, his land, did not belong to him. In fact, the boundaries of the Ponderosa had been so severely altered it was not even clear if the land the house was on belonged to him.<\/p>\n
\u201cThese maps have been altered,\u201d he gasped, hardly able to believe what he was seeing.<\/p>\n
\u201cNo they haven\u2019t been,\u201d Elvira countered. \u201cThey\u2019re legitimate.\u201d Ben slammed the map back down on the table and glared at his mother.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou listen to me woman, this is my land! I don\u2019t know how you altered these maps but they\u2019ve been altered and what you\u2019re planning will flood everything, including my house!\u201d Ben shouted. His mother looked at the map.<\/p>\n
\u201cOh yes, that little mark is your house isn\u2019t it? Well son, consider this your notice to vacate.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI will not vacate! This is my land\u2026!\u201d Ben shouted.<\/p>\n
\u201cIf you want to down, that\u2019s up to you,\u201d Elvira said triumphantly. \u201cIt\u2019s not skin off my back.\u201d Ben huffed in exasperation as he hurried back to the surveyor.<\/p>\n
\u201cNow listen Mark, you\u2019ve surveyed my land before, you know as well as I do that this is the Ponderosa. Adam showed you the maps just today.\u201d Mark climbed onto his wagon seat and looked down at Ben.<\/p>\n
\u201cI don\u2019t go off what I\u2019ve done in the past, Ben, I have to go by what\u2019s in front of me. And those maps are what\u2019s in front of me. If you want, I will try to review some of the older maps in town and see where the discrepancy is, I\u2019ll be by to talk to you in a few days with what I find. But I must tell you, their paperwork looks pretty legitimate to me.\u201d The surveyor clicked his horses to a start and drove away. Ben watched him go and decided to change tactics. Maybe he could reason with Charles.<\/p>\n
\u201cCharles, please, my son showed you the maps that indicate this land is ours. This proposal will flood everything I own including my house,\u201d Ben said pointing at the map, his heart heaving and pounding.<\/p>\n
\u201cWe have these maps, Ben, the land is ours,\u201d Charles said.<\/p>\n
\u201cListen to me, please Charles, you\u2019re a business man are you not?\u201d Ben asked quickly.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhy yes I am,\u201d Charles said turning to face his stepson.<\/p>\n
\u201cWell what do you do if you want to say put railroad ties through disputed lands, you have multiple surveys and assessments done to see who really owns the land do you not?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhy yes we do. It\u2019s costly to find out after the fact that the land has not been properly deeded.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cExactly, if I have to I will file an injunction to stop this plan until this matter can be resolved but that will cost us both a lot of time and money\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cMoney is of no importance to us, Benjamin,\u201d his mother added. Charles eyed her sideways.<\/p>\n
\u201cMaybe not to you but it certainly is of great importance to me, my dear,\u201d he added. Elvira gave her husband a look that would have killed him had that ability been within her power, a look her son had seen many times before. It was the look she got when she would not be defied.<\/p>\n
\u201cIt is to me too,\u201d Ben added, seeing his opportunity to maybe reason with Charles. \u201cI\u2019m a business man myself and lawsuits are costly and time consuming endeavors. Here\u2019s my proposal: I\u2019ll pay for the new surveyor and assessor and we\u2019ll meet with our lawyers and try to get this straightened out.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWell we did want to start as soon as possible\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI realize that but I\u2019m going to file an injunction to stop you if you do so you can\u2019t start right away anyway, I\u2019d rather not do the lawsuit, let\u2019s see what we can work out first. There\u2019s no hurry to dam the river yet. It will be costly for us both.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWe can afford the expense Benjamin, but you cannot,\u201d his mother chimed in.<\/p>\n
\u201cPerhaps, but I don\u2019t wish to waste money if this does prove to be his land after all, my dear,\u201d Charles said studying the maps. Ben looked at the man, realizing that he probably had nothing to do with forging the maps. \u201cAnd lawsuits are so terribly irksome. I don\u2019t think it will hurt to double check\u2026\u201d Charles said as he turned to face his wife. But his words were cut short by a shot to the stomach. His eyes sparked with shock as he clutched his middle and fell to the ground dead. Ben was stunned and reached for his gun.<\/p>\n
\u201cDon\u2019t even go near your gun, Benjamin,\u201d his mother shouted, keeping the gun with which she had just killed her husband, aimed at her son. Ben held his arms out and away from his sides, not daring to move. \u201cRachel, take his gun,\u201d Elvira said over his son\u2019s shoulder. Rachel walked up tentatively and removed her brother\u2019s gun from the holster on his hip. She threw it on the ground in front of her mother. Ben looked at his sister, hoping to find an ally. He thought he saw fear in Rachel\u2019s eyes but couldn\u2019t be sure.<\/p>\n
\u201cNow get over here by me Rachel, I don\u2019t want you to close to him. I know you two could always communicate without speaking. It\u2019s unnatural the way you could always do that.\u201d Rachel walked slowly towards her mother; her eyes were locked with her brother\u2019s.<\/p>\n
\u201cThis is my land, Mother,\u201d Ben said quickly.<\/p>\n
\u201cYes Benjamin, I know it is, but there\u2019s not a thing you can do about it. Adam will find the correct deeds at the land office if he looks hard enough, I\u2019m afraid there might be a few I overlooked.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThis really is his land, Mother?\u201d Rachel asked.<\/p>\n
\u201cYes and but it soon will be mine. When Adam comes with the originals, you\u2019ll sign them over to me, Ben, or I\u2019ll kill Rachel,\u201d Elvira said pointing the gun at her daughter. Ben swallowed hard, trying to calm his pounding heart.<\/p>\n
\u201cHe doesn\u2019t care, he doesn\u2019t give a damn about me,\u201d Rachel said looking at her brother.<\/p>\n
\u201cThat\u2019s not true, Rachel. I love you very much,\u201d Ben said, letting his hands fall to his sides.<\/p>\n
\u201cKeep your hands up Benjamin,\u201d his mother said cocking the pistol. Ben complied. \u201cGet over here by me Rachel,\u201d Elvira said. Her daughter walked to her mother whose arm went quickly around her neck. Elvira pressed the gun to her daughter\u2019s temple, her son took a step towards them.<\/p>\n
\u201cDon\u2019t move a muscle, or I\u2019ll blow her brains out right here,\u201d Elvira shouted.<\/p>\n
\u201cHe doesn\u2019t care Mother,\u201d Rachel maintained. Elvira looked at her son, she knew he cared, he always cared. That was his weakness.<\/p>\n
\u201cRachel what must I do to convince you that I don\u2019t hate you?\u201d Ben asked.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat must you do Benjamin?! Tell me why you destroyed Miss Pinky!\u201d his sister shouted at him. \u201cHow could you do that to me, Ben? I loved you so and you betrayed me.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI swear I didn\u2019t mean to Rachel. I had no idea the doll was in the scraps. I swear on my life.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYeah right,\u201d Rachel shouted back.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat motivation would I have to destroy it?\u201d Ben asked.<\/p>\n
\u201cJealousy, you hated that Papa gave it to me.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThat\u2019s not true. I was delighted with how much you loved it. I wouldn\u2019t have done that on purpose Rach. It broke my heart when that doll went into the fire.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou\u2019re a liar!\u201d Rachel shouted. \u201cYou did it to hurt me, so that I would have nothing left of Papa\u2026you did it just to be cruel, your just like mother.\u201d Ben\u2019s heart broke. The last person in the world he wanted to be compared to was his mother.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m not like her\u2026\u201d Ben said, his voice cracking slightly. \u201cI don\u2019t know how to make you believe me. I didn\u2019t do it on purpose.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cOh no, then why didn\u2019t you ever write to me when you were at sea? I waited and waited for your letters, and I never got even one letter. You even wrote to Mother on occasion and you said you hated her, but never to me, never to your own sister\u2026the girl who used to be your best friend\u2026\u201d Ben looked at his mother, her face was alight with pleasure. She was enjoying it very much.<\/p>\n
\u201cI wrote to you every week, Rachel, but you never wrote back to me.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhy don\u2019t you just stop lying?! Stop telling me you love me and you care about me! How stupid do you think I am? If you cared about me, you would have contacted me, you would have written to me, instead you just forgot all about me! I worried every day you were at sea. I lay in bed at night praying you were okay. I longed desperately to hear from you but no even one sentence did you write me. How do you excuse that Benjamin?!\u201d Ben looked at his mother, his eyes meeting hers.<\/p>\n
\u201cMother took the letters, Rachel,\u201d Ben said firmly. \u201cShe took them and she kept them from you to make you think that I didn\u2019t care about you and to make sure the rift between us was never mended. She knew how we were always able to patch things up, and she didn\u2019t want us to so she kept your letters.\u201d Rachel\u2019s heart stopped as she turned and looked at her mother. Her mother was smiling with a horrible, terrifying grin.<\/p>\n
\u201cIs\u2026is that true Mother?\u201d she asked. Elvira nodded.<\/p>\n
\u201cOf course it is, I know how much you loved him Rachel and the only way to make you stop loving him was to make you think he didn\u2019t care about you.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhy Mother?\u201d Rachel said, tears running down her cheeks. \u201cWhy didn\u2019t you want me to love him?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBecause he was so different from me. He loved so strongly and so compassionately that I knew you could not love him and me as well. You always loved him more than you loved me, Rachel. Just like your father did.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIt\u2019s not a competition Mother,\u201d Ben said. \u201cYou don\u2019t understand love or you would know that love can be shared equally.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI don\u2019t care to understand love, Benjamin, love is a weakness. I have no room in my life for it.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cClearly,\u201d Rachel said. \u201cMother, were you responsible for what happened to Miss Pinky also?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cOf course I was, do you think your brother has a mean bone in his body? You foolish woman, that boy adored you, do you think for one minute he would have done that to you? He protected you from the time you were born; do you really think he would have hurt you like that?\u201d Ben looked at his sister, relief flooding his soul, at last, here was the truth.<\/p>\n
\u201cOh Ben\u2026\u201d Rachel said looking at her brother. How could he ever forgive her? She wanted to go to him but her mother tightened her grip on her neck and pressed the gun into her head.<\/p>\n
\u201cI just want to know why, Mother,\u201d Ben said.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhy? Because I hated you, you defied me at every turn. You were so charming and kind. Your Pa thought the world of you, and your siblings worshiped the ground you walked on. They thought you were the best thing since the Messiah. But I saw you for how you really were. You were really just like me, you just pretended that you weren\u2019t. I knew that if I kept at you, your true colors would come out and everyone would know you were like me and that you were a fraud.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI didn\u2019t pretend, I had to make a conscious effort every day of my life to not be like you Mother.\u201d Elvira felt her son\u2019s insult. Normally she didn\u2019t care what he said to her, but that had hurt and she didn\u2019t know why.<\/p>\n
\u201cI prayed every night until I fell asleep while I nursed the bruises you left on my body, that I wouldn\u2019t be like you. I told God over and over again, that I would rather die, than be like you! When I held my son in my arms for the first time, I told God to take my life before\u2026\u201d Ben\u2019s voice cracked slightly but he swallowed and pushed on. \u201cBefore I ever made him feel like you made us feel. I repeated that prayer with each of my sons, lest I forget how the darkness dogs me. I worry every time I lose my temper with them that maybe I went too far, and maybe I made them hurt like you did to me\u2026fake, Mother, no I\u2019m not fake. I just choose every moment of my life to be better than you.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou\u2019ve always thought yourself better than me. That\u2019s why you refused to do as I told you. You refused to switch hands, that\u2019s where it started. That\u2019s when I knew what kind of boy you were. You always did what you Pa told you, but when I told you do to something as simple as never writing with your left hand again, you defied me for years.\u201d Rachel looked at her brother, his eyes were distant and sad. She knew it was not his wish to defy her and she knew that the request she made of him was not fair.<\/p>\n
\u201cIt was not my wish to defy you,\u201d Ben said. \u201cWhat you asked of me was too hard for me to do.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cTo hard for Benjamin Cartwright? Why, you acted as if there wasn\u2019t a thing in the world that was too hard for you and now you expect me to believe that controlling your own body was too hard for you? Really, son, you should come up with a better reason than that. Admit you were just stubborn.\u201d Rachel was angry at the memories of how hard her mother had been on him. As he lay next to her in the bed they shared as children, night after night she heard him pray that God would make his hands work right. She heard him crying as he asked God why he was different and why his hands didn\u2019t work the way Leah and Rachel\u2019s did. Why had God made him different if it was so wrong?<\/p>\n
\u201cIt wasn\u2019t that I was stubborn, it was just so hard,\u201d Ben said.<\/p>\n
\u201cAnd so terribly pointless,\u201d Rachel added, realizing she was coming to her brother\u2019s defense for the first time in a very long time. It surprised even her. Ben looked at her in shock. She thought she saw a slight smile come to his eyes, if his smile was genuine, it came to his eyes first. But he didn\u2019t complete the smile, there was still a gun at her head and their mother was terribly unpredictable.<\/p>\n
\u201cJust put the gun down, we can discuss this all you want,\u201d Ben said, remembering their situation. Rachel could feel her mother\u2019s anger, she rarely stood up to her and the fact that she had, had undoubtedly made her mother upset.<\/p>\n
\u201cDefending him are you Rachel?\u201d her mother hissed in her ear.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou\u2019re a cruel woman,\u201d Rachel said. Elvira didn\u2019t flinch as she hit her daughter over the head with the butt end of the gun, sending her collapsing to the ground. Ben started towards his sister but his mother pointed the gun at him again. She cocked the gun and aimed it as his chest.<\/p>\n
\u201cFinally I\u2019ll be rid of you,\u201d she said as she pulled the trigger, but just as she did, Rachel kicked her in the shin, Elvira didn\u2019t drop the gun but she missed and her son ducked out of the way.<\/p>\n
Ben hardly had time to process the fact that Rachel had kicked their mother to stop her from shooting him because he was dodging more bullets as she continued to shoot at him. Each bullet got closer to hitting him than the last. Ben jumped and dodged as his mother took aim at his feet. How many bullets did she have? he wondered as he lost his footing, and rolled on the ground, the bullets hissed over him as she threw down the empty pistol and pulled another out of her purse. She took another shot and he rolled again, but this time, he was too close to the edge of the canyon. He was going so fast that he couldn\u2019t stop himself from going over the side. He grabbed at the ropes hanging over the edge of the canyon as he fell downwards, grabbing at whatever he could find to slow his progression. Somehow he managed to wrap the rope around his left wrist even as the rope slipped through his burning palm. He grabbed at the rock face with is fingers trying to stop his rapid decent all the while twisting the rope as hard as he could around his left wrist.<\/p>\n
His efforts to secure the rope to his wrist worked so well that when he came to the end of it, the rope jerked so hard on his arm that he heard his shoulder pop from its socket as he stopped abruptly. He gasped as the entirety of his body weight pulled down hard on his dislocated shoulder. He saw black as he reached up with his right arm and grabbed a hold of the rope, easing some of the pressure off his painful shoulder.<\/p>\n
\u201cAhhh\u2026\u201d he said as he braced his feet against the side of the canyon and looked down. The distance to the bottom was staggering and he felt dizzy.<\/p>\n
\u201cGet ahold of yourself Cartwright, what do you always tell Little Joe? Heights are nothing to be scared of\u2026that\u2019s terrible advice. Don\u2019t look down is more like it,\u201d he told himself, trying to calm his spinning mind. He closed his eyes and rested his forehead against the rocks. He took his breath in and out through his teeth as he held on to the rope as tightly as he could. The dizziness soon cleared but his shoulder ached beyond belief. There was no way to get a good footing and no way he could climb up the side of the rocks, especially with his shoulder dislocated. He looked up, the top was at least or twenty or thirty feet up. He looked down at this feet, there was a small crack near his feet where he managed to wedge his toes somewhat, easing the throbbing of his shoulder, but unless someone from above pulled him up, he would be stuck.<\/p>\n
\u201cRachel!\u201d he called, hoping his sister had softened enough towards him that she would at least be willing to save his life.<\/p>\n
\u201cRachel,\u201d he called again as his toes slipped from the crack and his body dragged hard on his dislocated shoulder. He held as tightly to the rope as he could with his left hand, but it was getting numb and tingling. His right hand had lost its grip when he slipped and all his weight was on his dislocated left shoulder. He could feel it pulling on the muscles of his arm, elbow, shoulder and side.<\/p>\n
\u201cAhh\u2026\u201d he gasped again as he clenched his teeth and reached up for the rope with his right arm. The way he was hanging made it difficult to reach but he managed to and held himself up again. His vision went black and his entire left side ached terribly. He exhaled carefully to try to take control of the pain he was in and figure out what to do. He could possibly try to climb up, but even with both arms in working order, it would be a risky and dangerous task.<\/p>\n
His mother wouldn\u2019t help him, he knew that much and he didn\u2019t how badly Rachel was hurt or if his mother had killed her. He would have to wait for Leah and the boys, but one more slip, and the wait could prove agonizing.<\/p>\n
\u201cRach, help me!\u201d he called again, a little more desperately as he looked up to the top. He felt a little hope when a shadow appeared at the top, but it the hope soon vanished when he saw it was his mother.<\/p>\n
\u201cHow in the hell did you manage to survive?\u201d she demanded. Ben squinted up at his mother, the sun was blocking her face from view. He was completely at her mercy.<\/p>\n
\u201cI don\u2019t suppose you\u2019re going to help me up, Mother!\u201d he shouted up at her.<\/p>\n
\u201cNow why would I do that?\u201d she taunted.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhy indeed,\u201d Ben said into the side of the mountain. \u201cOf course you won\u2019t, you horrible witch.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHow\u2019s that?\u201d she called down.<\/p>\n
\u201cJust go away or help me up, damn it!\u201d he shouted.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat makes you think I\u2019m going to help you up? I\u2019m going to kill you,\u201d she said as she took another shot at him. Ben huddled near the side of the cliff, feeling the bullets whizzing past him. He felt one graze back, leaving a painful, burning path along his skin. He squirmed closer to the side as another bullet hurdled towards him.<\/p>\n
\u201cStop!\u201d he heard a woman\u2019s voice call from the top. \u201cGet away from the side of the cliff now!\u201d Ben couldn\u2019t hear all that was said but he thought it was Rachel. She was at least stopping their mother from shooting him. He tried to get his footing again, hoping to hear what was being said but slipped again, hanging painfully from his shoulder. The pain forced the air from his lungs and blacked his vision. He was having a hard time staying conscious and the harder he tried, the more he was aware of the pain in his arm. He clenched his teeth and held his breath as he grabbed the rope and tried to hold himself up again. It was getting harder to do as the pain was much more distracting than before and he was starting to panic. He didn\u2019t know if he could take hanging from his arm again, and his right arm was starting to tremble under the strain of holding himself up and he couldn\u2019t manage to get his foothold again.<\/p>\n
\u201cRachel\u2026help me!\u201d he called up as he heard a shot from the top of the cliff. He heard a scream and prayed it wasn\u2019t his sister. Then a body fell from the top of the cliff, flying past him as hit nearly missed hitting him. He looked to make sure it wasn\u2019t Rachel, but squeezed his eyes shut, refusing to watch his mother\u2019s body hit the ground.<\/p>\n
\u201cGood riddance,\u201d he said as he opened his eyes and looked up.<\/p>\n
\u201cRachel please help me!\u201d he called up again. He was dizzy with pain and he felt faint. He didn\u2019t realize he did faint until he found himself handing from his shoulder again, the pain was agonizing and he couldn\u2019t catch his breath.<\/p>\n
\u201cBen! Oh thank God!\u201d Rachel called as she leaned over the side. He looked up at his sister, his eyes fluttering as he blacked out again.<\/p>\n
\u201cBen, listen to me, I\u2019m going to pull you up, I\u2019ve tied the rope to Buck but you have to hold on with you other hand or it\u2019s going to be terribly painful,\u201d she called. Ben nodded but didn\u2019t make a move to do anything. He was fighting to stay conscious.<\/p>\n
\u201cAre you listening?!\u201d she demanded. Her brother nodded but she knew he wasn\u2019t. Rachel ran from the side of the cliff and snatched the canteen off of Buck\u2019s saddle and ran back to the edge.<\/p>\n
\u201cDamn it Ben, wake up and listen to me!\u201d she shouted as she poured the water on him. The water surprised him enough to get his attention. \u201cThat\u2019s it Ben, listen to me, can you hold yourself up with your right hand?\u201d she asked. Her brother nodded but didn\u2019t speak, he pushed up with his feet and held onto the rope with his right hand.\u00a0 \u201cTry to keep your feet out in front of you.\u201d Ben nodded again, resting his head against the rope as he tried to breathe through the pain. He was dizzy and nearly fainted again. Rachel\u2019s face disappeared from the top of the cliff and Ben forced his mind to focus. He couldn\u2019t pass out again.<\/p>\n
\u201cBen, are you ready?\u201d Rachel called looking down at him again.<\/p>\n
\u201cYes hurry up Rachel!\u201d he called.<\/p>\n
\u201cBen look at me,\u201d Rachel called. Her twin rolled his eyes up towards her and forced his head to turn up to look at her. He was breathing hard and praying for relief. \u201cI love you,\u201d she called down. Her words revived him more than the water could have and he didn\u2019t feel as faint anymore. He smiled as he held himself up as the rope began to pull him towards the top.<\/p>\n
\u201cI love you so much,\u201d he thought as he blacked out again.<\/p>\n
When he came too, he was just coming over the top of the cliff and soon felt himself dragging along the ground. He came to a stop and tried to open his eyes to find out where he was but his arm hurt badly and he didn\u2019t make much of an effort to regain consciousness.<\/p>\n
He watched through clouded eyes as Rachel cut the rope from his wrist and turned him onto his back. He reluctantly let himself regain consciousness.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou alright?\u201d she asked as she looked down at him.<\/p>\n
\u201cNo, Rachel my arm really hurts,\u201d Ben said through clenched teeth.<\/p>\n
\u201cIt will hurt less if I pop it back in place, do you want me to try?\u201d Ben was breathing hard; he didn\u2019t want her or anyone else to touch him. He knew it would hurt less when his shoulder was back in place, but he wasn\u2019t looking forward to the process of getting it there.<\/p>\n
\u201cDo you know how?\u201d Ben asked painfully, without bothering to open his eyes to look at her.<\/p>\n
\u201cTheoretically, I\u2019ve read up on it. I take a group of girls out in the woods to teach them survival skills every month, so I know how it should be done, though I\u2019ve never actually done it. It\u2019s a long way to town with that shoulder out of place, the ride will be terrible.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI know, give it a shot,\u201d Ben said dreading what was coming. Rachel exhaled. She wasn\u2019t sure it was going to work and she didn\u2019t want to hurt him worse, but if it worked, it would ease the pain significantly.<\/p>\n
\u201cDid you want something to bite on?\u201d she asked as she sat down beside him.<\/p>\n
\u201cNo, just do it,\u201d Ben said.<\/p>\n
\u201cAlright, here goes,\u201d she said as she pushed her foot into his left armpit and pulled on his arm. Her brother\u2019s body tensed.<\/p>\n
\u201cTry to relax Ben, it will make it easier.\u201d Ben nodded and took deep breaths. He thought about changing his mind but he knew it had to be done. Then he heard a pop and his shoulder was back where it belonged. He exhaled sharply as Rachel gently bent his arm and laid it on his chest.<\/p>\n
\u201cHold it there,\u201d she said as he sat up, still feeling a bit dizzy. She untied the handkerchief from around his neck and gently placed it around his arm and tied it over his shoulder. \u201cThere, that should help some until we can get you to a doctor.\u201d Ben nodded, the pain had lessened significantly but it still hurt terribly. \u201cAre you alright to stand?\u201d she asked. He nodded and she steadied him as he got to his feet. The air was heavy between them, the silence was awkward, both of them wanting to speak but neither one knowing how to start.<\/p>\n
When they got back to the shade and Rachel untied the rope from Buck, her brother was seated against a tree, he still didn\u2019t feel completely well enough to be standing. She knelt beside him, staring at him in silence.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m sorry Ben,\u201d she said tentatively. She half expected him to lash out at her, he had every right to hate her. She was surprised when he put his hand on her cheek and pressed his head against hers. \u201cCan you ever forgive me?\u201d she asked as the tears began.<\/p>\n
\u201cMy sweet Rachel, I forgave you years ago,\u201d he whispered.<\/p>\n
\u201cI should have trusted you,\u201d Rachel said as she sobbed into his uninjured shoulder. \u201cMother hurt everyone in her path and you just tried to pick up the pieces, how could she have made me turn on you?\u201d Ben sighed and held his sister, feeling a weight lifting off his heart that had been hanging on it for years.<\/p>\n
\u201cHow could that horrible witch keep your letters?! How could she put Miss Pinky in the trash bin?! Why did she want to tear us apart?\u201d Rachel cried angrily as her brother held her tightly and kissed the back of her head.<\/p>\n
\u201cI don\u2019t know Rachel,\u201d he whispered. He hated it when she cried but he knew it was years in the making. She sat up and looked at him. He smiled and wiped her tears with his thumb. \u201cDid you mean what you said before you pulled me up?\u201d Ben asked tentatively. She had told him for so long that she hated him; he didn\u2019t know if he\u2019d heard her right.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou mean the part when I said I love you,\u201d her brother nodded silently, he could not keep the anticipation out of his eyes.<\/p>\n
\u201cYes, Ben, I meant it,\u201d she said as she caressed his cheek and looked into his eyes. She thought his eyes would remind her of their mother, but they didn\u2019t, his eyes were so much softer and full of love. It was his turn to tear up and he blinked quickly to keep the tears from escaping. \u201cI never really stopped loving you. I just said I didn\u2019t because it was easier than facing the hurt.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI never wanted you to get hurt Rachel\u2026\u201d he whispered. \u201cI\u2019m so sorry you thought I was the cause of it. I always loved you, always.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI know you did,\u201d she said looking towards the woods as Leah, Hoss and Joe came riding into the clearing. Rachel wiped Ben\u2019s tears.<\/p>\n
\u201cCan\u2019t have your boys see those,\u201d she said quickly. Ben chuckled and quickly dried his eyes as Rachel helped him get up.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat happened to your arm? Did you hurt our pa?\u201d Joe shouted at Rachel as he jumped from his horse and ran at her.<\/p>\n
\u201cWait Joe,\u201d Ben said, stepping between them as he put his arm up to stop his son. \u201cShe didn\u2019t hurt me, she saved my life.\u201d Joe still looked angry but his father was holding him back. Rachel didn\u2019t look at her nephew, it hurt that he assumed she had hurt Ben, but then, she hadn\u2019t gone out of her way to make her family believe otherwise.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhere\u2019s Mother?\u201d Leah asked, seeing the dead body of Charles Dubois off to the side.<\/p>\n
\u201cShe\u2019s gone over the cliff,\u201d Rachel said as Ben reached out to his twin. She smiled as she reached her hand out to his and took it. He pulled her close, his face beaming. \u201cShe was trying to kill Ben.\u201d Leah was perplexed about the sudden change in her sister but was delighted to see the smile on her brother and sister\u2019s face. Ben briefly told them what happened and Rachel explained at she had shot their mother with Ben\u2019s gun when she refused to drop the gun. She managed to get up from the ground after her mother had hit her, she saw her mother shooting over the side. She picked up Ben\u2019s gun and shouted at her mother to stop. When she refused, she shot her. Rachel had not intended to kill her mother but the force of the gun shot had sent her over the edge.<\/p>\n
\u201cWell good riddance,\u201d Leah said. Joe and Hoss nodded their agreement; they hadn\u2019t liked the part about their father hanging precariously over the side, but were grateful to their aunt for saving him. Joe was so angry that if his grandmother wasn\u2019t already dead, he might just have finished her off himself.<\/p>\n
\u201cLet\u2019s get back to town and have that arm looked at Ben and send the undertaker for the body of our unfortunate stepfather,\u201d Leah said, feeling a lightness in her heart that she hadn\u2019t felt in a long while either. Ben and Rachel walked behind their family, holding hands like they had when they were small children. They let go of each other when they got to the horses. Rachel turned towards her bother and he hugged her tightly. He caressed her hair and smiled, then he turned and climbed onto Buck. Hoss and Joe looked at each other, it had been years since they had seen their father so happy.<\/p>\n
Part 8<\/p>\n
Ben\u2019s shoulder required surgery to repair the torn muscles and ligaments, and his sisters decided to stay on to assist while his shoulder healed. The recovery was painful and slow going, but he was soon on the mend and on his way to a full recovery. He was excited about the fact that his injury had prolonged his sisters\u2019 stay long enough that he and Rachel would get to celebrate their birthday together. Despite the fact that he was happy they would be there, he had no idea what to get Rachel. Their relationship was on the mend but he still didn\u2019t know what to get her. It had been too long to know what she really wanted. Whatever he got her it had to be something special.<\/p>\n
So as he had done for the past two weeks, he leaned on the counter in the mercantile, thumbing through the catalogs, looking for the perfect gift. He didn\u2019t know what he wanted but he would know it when he saw it.<\/p>\n
\u201cLet me see that other one there,\u201d Ben said handing the third catalog back to the shopkeeper. The man obliged but was growing frustrated.<\/p>\n
\u201cMaybe if you told me what you were looking for, I could help you find it,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019ll know it when I see it,\u201d Ben said for the tenth time. The shopkeeper didn\u2019t say anything because Ben was one of his best customers, but he was getting annoyed with his sudden interest in all his catalogs. The shopkeeper looked at Adam for help.<\/p>\n
\u201cReady Pa? We\u2019ve got the wagon all loaded,\u201d he said as Ben thumbed through the catalog quickly. He stopped on a page and stared. He looked closely as his face broke into a wide grin.<\/p>\n
\u201cThat, Jim, order me that,\u201d Ben announced as he pointed at it. The shopkeeper took the catalog and looked at what was under his finger.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou sure you want that<\/em>?\u201d he asked looking up at his customer\u2019s very big smile. He\u2019d never seen the elder Cartwright\u2019s eyes dance like they were.<\/p>\n\u201cYes I\u2019m sure I want that, get the fastest shipping possible and let me know the minute it comes in.\u201d Jim took the catalog and looked at the item that was the last thing he would have thought Ben Cartwright would ever order. He watched as he walked out the door then motioned Adam over.<\/p>\n
\u201cAdam, look what your pa just ordered, are you sure that fall over the side didn\u2019t injure his head in some way?\u201d Adam looked at the item as Hoss and Joe did too. Adam\u2019s brows raised in question as his brother\u2019s looked on in confusion as well.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou sure that\u2019s what he wanted?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes I\u2019m sure.\u201d Adam looked at his father, he was whistling as he walked out of the store.<\/p>\n
\u201cPa don\u2019t whistle,\u201d Hoss said quickly.<\/p>\n
\u201cNo he always tells me to quit whistling,\u201d Joe added, looking at his brothers, he was beginning to wonder if his father had injured his head.<\/p>\n
\u201cShould I order it Adam?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cOf course. My pa ain\u2019t out of his mind. If that\u2019s what he said to order, then order it.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAlright,\u201d the shopkeeper said. Adam did wonder what his pa wanted it for and so did his brothers, but when he called for them to hurry up, they had no time to puzzle over it further.<\/p>\n
Two weeks later Ben and Rachel celebrated their birthday together. Ben had thought of throwing a grand Ponderosa party with dancing, but Rachel had said she just wanted a quiet celebration with just the family. Ben didn\u2019t mind, his shoulder was still recovering and he would rather have spent time with Rachel anyway. So after dinner and cake, they retired to the sitting room to exchange gifts.<\/p>\n
Ben got tobacco, a nice bottle of brandy, a jacket from his sons, and nice leather bound book from Leah. He had no idea what Rachel was going to give him but he didn\u2019t care what she gave him, he wanted to give her her gift. He could hardly wait. Still, he was touched more than he thought he would be by the gift Rachel gave him. It was their father\u2019s pocket watch. Rachel always knew her father intended her brother to have it. She had kept it hidden for him from their mother for years but had never had the opportunity to give it to him, especially after they lost contact.<\/p>\n
\u201cMother tore the house apart looking for it, but I hid it. I know Pa wanted you to have it,\u201d Rachel said. Ben smiled, his eyes growing a bit moist. He had wondered for years what happened to it but figured his mother had sold it. He couldn\u2019t speak. He just hugged Rachel gratefully. She couldn\u2019t have given him a better gift.<\/p>\n
\u201cNow for yours,\u201d the boys announced. They gave their aunt a candle, homemade potpourri, a new shawl and a hat from her sister. She genuinely loved all the gifts but couldn\u2019t help but wonder what Ben was going to give her.<\/p>\n
\u201cHere\u2019s mine finally,\u201d Ben said, no longer able to wait. The gift was wrapped in brown paper, it was small and soft. She looked at him quizzically, he was grinning from ear to ear but she had no idea what was inside.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat is it?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWell, if you open it you\u2019ll find out,\u201d Ben said as he pulled the string. Rachel playfully hit his hand away from her present and opened it herself.<\/p>\n
\u201cOh\u2026Ben\u2026\u201d she said as the paper fell away from the brand new Miss Pinky. The doll was exactly like the one that their father had given her many years ago. The doll had the same bright pink bow, the diaper around the monkey\u2019s middle, and the pursed lips on the monkey\u2019s rather hideous face. Rachel felt tears come to her eyes and she had to cover her mouth as she looked up at her brother. His face was beaming with joy. How could she ever think he had hurt her on purpose?<\/p>\n
\u201cThat\u2019s what it was for,\u201d Hoss announced as he looked at his brothers. Ben looked at his boys quizzically.<\/p>\n
\u201cYounger brothers were convinced you lost your mind ordering that doll, Pa,\u201d Adam said.<\/p>\n
\u201cNot just us, Adam, you thought he\u2019d gone crazy too,\u201d Joe defended.<\/p>\n
\u201cWell boys it\u2019s nice to know my mental state is such a concern to you, so much so that you didn\u2019t even ask me what it was for,\u201d Ben joked. Ben looked from his sons, back to his sister. She was blinking back tears but they came anyway. She stood up quickly and embraced her brother tightly. He hugged her back and kissed her cheek.<\/p>\n
\u201cIt\u2019s the best gift ever,\u201d she whispered into his neck.<\/p>\n
\u201cI promised you I\u2019d replace it Rach,\u201d he said. \u201cAlmost forty years later, but I finally did.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI love you so much. I\u2019ve missed you so,\u201d she said as she hugged him as tight as she could.<\/p>\n
\u201cMy dearest Rachel,\u201d he said as he held her tightly. \u201cIt\u2019s like part of my heart had come back to me. I love you so very much.\u201d Rachel leaned back in her brother\u2019s arms as she looked at the brand new doll.<\/p>\n
\u201cThat doll is still so ugly,\u201d Ben joked. She laughed and smiled down at the doll.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou know, it kinda is, but I love it.\u201d She hugged the doll to her chest and beamed up at him. She caressed his cheek and broke away from the embrace. She couldn\u2019t remember when she\u2019d ever been happier.<\/p>\n
Later that night, after the boys and Leah were in bed, Rachel stood out on the porch, still holding the new Miss Pinky and thinking about all they had been through. Their childhood had been more than traumatic but somehow, they had come through it and were fine, loving adults. She wondered, not for the first time, what her mother\u2019s motivation had been, she knew jealousy had a large part to play in it, but it seemed that there was more to it than that. She would probably never understand her and in a way, that was good because if she did, she would be just like her.<\/p>\n
\u201cAre you doing okay Rachel?\u201d Ben asked as he came out on to the porch, startling his sister. Rachel turned and smiled at him.<\/p>\n
\u201cYes, I am, just needed to clear my head. A lot has happened recently.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes, a lot has,\u201d Ben said. Rachel rubbed her left shoulder, she could feel the stiffness in her shoulder that meant her brother\u2019s was hurting.<\/p>\n
\u201cYour shoulder\u2019s sore isn\u2019t it?\u201d Ben rubbed his shoulder, their connection had been there all their lives but they had been apart so long, that it still surprised him.<\/p>\n
\u201cI think I slept on it wrong,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou\u2019re not supposed to sleep on it at all,\u201d Rachel said.<\/p>\n
\u201cWell that\u2019s easier to remember when I\u2019m actually not asleep,\u201d he said smiling. Rachel smiled back and looked out at the yard.<\/p>\n
\u201cBen, why did you take the blame for Papa\u2019s death?\u201d she asked, keeping her back to him. Her brother stayed quiet for a minute so she turned and looked into his eyes. \u201cI know you didn\u2019t kill Pa, it was me and you said it was you, why?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBecause I knew you couldn\u2019t bear it,\u201d Ben whispered. \u201cAnd I knew that Mother already hated me and I knew that if she thought you did it, she would hate you and you wanted her approval. Besides I knew she\u2019d beat you for it\u2026\u201d Rachel blinked her eyes quickly and looked away.<\/p>\n
\u201cShe beat you instead,\u201d Rachel said regretfully. Her brother had taken a lot of beatings for her and the other siblings. \u201cShe nearly killed you Ben, I think she would have if it hadn\u2019t been for the sheriff and preacher pulling her off you. I thought she was going to choke you to death\u2026\u201d Ben looked up at his sister, he really didn\u2019t want to relive that night. It had been bad enough to have lost his father that night, but his mother\u2019s reaction towards him had been worse than ever.<\/p>\n
\u201cIt wasn\u2019t fair for you to take the blame, it wasn\u2019t your fault, it was mine. I was the one that tripped and hit my head and dropped the gun\u2026part of me knew when I woke up that it had been me that shot Pa and not you, but you were so insistent that it was you.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI wanted it that way Rachel.\u201d Rachel blinked back the tears. It had been the worst night of her life. Even that night, she had suspected she had been the one responsible for the accident, although her memory was not quite there, but Ben was so insistent that it was him that she soon came to believe that he had dropped the gun when she tripped. When they got home and told their mother of the news, she attacked him upon hearing the news, and it had been a horrible scene, Elvira was wild with rage and so strong that even her twelve year old brother was no match for her mother. She had nearly killed Ben before Leah had gotten back with the sheriff and the preacher.<\/p>\n
\u201cI thought she was going to kill you that night,\u201d Rachel said, turning to look at her brother as tears rolled down her cheeks.<\/p>\n
\u201cI thought she was too, but she didn\u2019t and here we are, alive, well and thriving. She couldn\u2019t tear us apart, Rachel. No matter how hard she tried, our love was stronger than her hate.\u201d Rachel wiped her eyes.<\/p>\n
\u201cI never should have left you, Leah and the boys. I should have stayed with you.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI don\u2019t blame you, you wanted our mother\u2019s love and approval. A child can\u2019t be faulted for that.\u201d Ben embraced his crying twin and held her tightly. Their childhood seemed like a lifetime ago. There were times when Ben was able to convince himself that he had not experienced what he had because he was so far removed from it and so different from the person he had been then. Sometimes the memories of his childhood felt like they weren\u2019t real but he knew they were. Rachel broke away from the embrace and smiled up at her brother.<\/p>\n
\u201cWe won in the end Ben. Mother couldn\u2019t tear us apart and she couldn\u2019t make us not love each other. Despite her best efforts, we turned out just fine.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes, we did,\u201d Ben said looking out into the night. \u201cWe owe most of that to Leah I think, she was more of a mother to us than Elvira ever was.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cShe was.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIt\u2019s getting chilly and my shoulder is quite uncomfortable, shall we go back inside?\u201d Ben asked. Rachel nodded as he put his arm around her and they walked back inside. Ben walked with his sister to the stairs and followed her up.<\/p>\n
\u201cGood night Ben. I love you,\u201d she said as she paused outside the door of the guestroom.<\/p>\n
\u201cSleep well Rach. I love you,\u201d he said. His sister smiled and disappeared into her bedroom. Ben went into his own room, changed into his night clothes and as he lay in bed, he was finally at peace with his past and he knew, as only a twin could, that Rachel was finally happy.<\/p>\n
The End<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
[1]<\/a> Malachi 1: 2-3 \u201cI loved Jacob, 3\u00a0<\/sup>but Esau I hated.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Tags:\u00a0 Ben Cartwright<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Summary: Ben is anything but delighted when his mother and two sisters arrive at the Ponderosa for an unannounced visit. But as his mother and sisters stay on at the ranch, he must confront the past and try to make sense of a very bitter feud between them. But when he faces total ruin by a member of his only family, he just might find the healing he\u2019s been searching for and finally make peace with the past and with his family at the same time.<\/p>\n
Rating: T\/PG-13 (Word Count: 18, 978)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":10594,"featured_media":15822,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"template-full-width-post.php","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_members_access_role":[],"_members_access_error":""},"categories":[7,23,40],"tags":[824],"class_list":["post-15985","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-a-u","category-drama","category-challenges","tag-a-c","wpcat-7-id","wpcat-23-id","wpcat-40-id"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/01\/red-night.png?fit=299%2C300&ssl=1","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/15985","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/10594"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=15985"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/15985\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/15822"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=15985"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=15985"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=15985"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}