{"id":1609,"date":"2009-08-20T15:16:32","date_gmt":"2009-08-20T19:16:32","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=1609"},"modified":"2025-02-27T12:22:28","modified_gmt":"2025-02-27T17:22:28","slug":"the-ranch-house","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=1609","title":{"rendered":"The Ranch House (by the Giggly Sisters)"},"content":{"rendered":"

Summary: \u00a0<\/span>Ever wonder about the Ponderosa ranch house? The Giggly Sisters cast their eye over it, with the help of the Cartwrights and a lovely little Bear called Paw.<\/p>\n

Rated:<\/span> K+ \u00a0(1,800 words)<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The Ranch House<\/strong><\/p>\n

The blonde and the redhead sat on the sofa, surveying their surroundings with interest. Between them, a small shaggy bear was playing with his toes and snuffling quietly. Ben glared meaningfully at first Adam, then Hoss, but both men refused to meet his gaze. Eventually, he could stand it no longer.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhy do you have a bear with you?\u201d he asked, in patient tones, developed over the many stressful years of bringing up three sons.<\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s Paw. He\u2019s a sun bear,\u201d Joe said helpfully.<\/p>\n

\u201cIsn\u2019t it a bit confusing to have a bear called Paw in the same house as our own Pa?\u201d Adam said hesitantly.<\/p>\n

The redhead patted Paw gently. \u201cNot if you\u2019re Scottish. Entirely different vowel sounds. Anyway, it\u2019s not half as confusing as this house, is it?\u201d<\/p>\n

The four Cartwrights exchanged startled looks and the blonde smiled at their confusion.<\/p>\n

\u201cI suppose it all seems quite normal to you, but to an outsider, nothing is quite what it seems, is it? Take the staircase for example. What\u2019s that funny bit down the side of it all about? I mean, one moment it\u2019s there, the next it\u2019s gone. And even when it is there, the gap\u2019s too narrow to be of any practical use. Must be a real dust trap.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben nodded in agreement. He noticed that only this morning and he made a mental note to have a little word with Hop Sing. Joe picked up an apple from the bowl on the table and tossed it to Paw, who caught it nimbly and began crunching away with evident delight.<\/p>\n

The redhead took up the tale. \u201cThen there\u2019s the mystery of the wall that isn\u2019t there.\u201d Four dumbfounded looks greeted this pronouncement, so she walked over to the front door to demonstrate.<\/p>\n

\u201cIn the interior shots, you can see quite clearly that from the front door there\u2019s an uninterrupted view to the living area and the fireplace. But, and here\u2019s where the mystery comes in, when the view switches to an exterior shot, this white washed wall suddenly appears. Very strange indeed.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYes,\u201d continued the blonde. \u201cAnd that wall has a painting on it, and there\u2019s usually a blue leather chair sitting in the corner, roughly about here.\u201d The blonde pointed.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou know, the girls may have a point there,\u201d Adam said, thoughtfully. \u201cI remember, in First Born, when Joe came home from town all beaten and bloody, we had to dodge round that stupid chair as we carried him inside.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSlung between the four of you like a sack of tatties,\u201d the redhead said, scathingly. \u201cYou had no idea what was wrong with him, and you picked him up, one at each limb. Huh!\u201d<\/p>\n

The Cartwrights looked a bit sheepish at this, as well they might. None of them had ever done a first aid course, so didn\u2019t know about the dangers of moving people before they had been checked over. And the person who seemed to suffer this indignity most was Joe! Good thing he was resilient.<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd as for the downstairs bedroom,\u201d the redhead said. \u201cWell, its got more shapes to it than the Tardis has!\u201d<\/p>\n

Naturally this didn\u2019t make any sense to the family, but they were too polite to say so. The blonde debated about trying to explain about Doctor Who and the Tardis, but it was too weighty a task, and she discarded the notion.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat my sister means is this,\u201d interjected the blonde. \u201cIn Dark Star, there\u2019s a window there, leading to the outside, which we think really ought to open into the kitchen. Then, in Day of the Dragon, there are doors to the porch, which is really more of a verandah, isn\u2019t it?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHmm, those doors have really naff curtains on them, too,\u201d the redhead agreed. Ben was standing with his mouth open, trying to follow all this. He wondered why he had never noticed these things before. \u201cThey look just like the ones on the kitchen doors, which also open onto the porch. Sometimes.\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe pulled one of his famous faces before he took his turn. \u201cHave you noticed that everyone who stays in the downstairs bedroom is either a nasty piece of work, or is about to do a runner and never be seen again?\u201d he asked, eagerly.<\/p>\n

Adam thought about this carefully and realised that his little brother was right. Admitting this would be too painful, so he contented himself with a \u201cMmmph,\u201d and made a mental note never to go near the room again. Who could tell what might happen? Why, he might even disappear from the ranch, never to be seen or heard of again! The thought was beyond contemplation.<\/p>\n

\u201cThen, of course,\u201d the blonde continued, feeding Paw a slice of bread and jam, \u201cthere\u2019s the elusive bunk-house. One moment it\u2019s there, the next it isn\u2019t. And even when it is, why on earth would you want to build it so close to the main house?\u201d<\/p>\n

No one could answer this question, but Ben Hoss and Joe all turned simultaneously to look at Adam, who flushed dull red.<\/p>\n

\u201cI was a child!\u201d he said in expiation. \u201cPa never should have given me that set of drawing tools for Christmas, or at the very least employed a proper architect to supervise things.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIt was winter,\u201d Ben said, stretching out his hands in supplication. \u201cThe nights were long and cold and it was one way of keeping you out of trouble. Things weren\u2019t easy, you know.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s all very well,\u201d the redhead said in tolerant tones, \u201cBut it really doesn\u2019t help the poor ranch hands, does it? Either they\u2019re spirited away in the disappearing bunkhouse for weeks on end, or else they\u2019ve nowhere to sleep at night. It can\u2019t be easy for them.\u201d<\/p>\n

Hoss had so far been following the conversation in silence. \u201cWhat\u2019s always puzzled me is the approach to the barn. Now that plumb ain\u2019t right. The ways a man\u2019s gotta squeeze round that big ol\u2019 bush and tree \u2013 tarnation Pa! A man could do hisself a mischief!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI feel much the same way about my bed!\u201d confessed Joe, sheepishly. \u201cHas no-one ever noticed how short it is? I mean, I may not be the tallest guy in Nevada \u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNevada?\u201d queried the redhead. \u201cI thought it was filmed in California?\u201d Everyone ignored her, except Paw, who looked puzzled.<\/p>\n

\u201c\u2026 but my feet hang clear over the edge. There I was, badly maimed after Adam shot me accidentally-on-purpose \u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI thought you were a wolf!\u201d Adam said, between gritted teeth.<\/p>\n

\u201c\u2026 and the bed\u2019s not even long enough!\u201d Joe gave one of his trademark smiles, and the sisters sighed in unison.<\/p>\n

Ben looked embarrassed. \u201cWell,\u201d he said, sheepishly, \u201cwe got all the beds and the bed linen in a going-out-of-business sale. A job lot, you see. We just took them all. They said they were double beds, but they didn\u2019t mention how long they were.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSo that\u2019s why I\u2019ve got bows on my pillowcases,\u201d Hoss said. \u201cI always wondered how come I had such girly bed linen. And I guess that\u2019s where all them candlewicks came from, too?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ll have you know those candlewick bedspreads are very fashionable,\u201d Ben said, sounding miffed.<\/p>\n

\u201cThey\u2019re very ugly, too,\u201d Joe added.<\/p>\n

\u201cYeah,\u201d chimed in the redhead. \u201cEspecially when you keep tucking them up over Joe\u2019s gorgeous smooth, muscley bandaged chest! We want to see the boy when he\u2019s been maimed, and you keep covering him up!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cLike after Adam shot me accidentally-on-purpose,\u201d Joe said. \u201cThere I was burning with fever, and you kept tucking me in. Didn\u2019t you realise I was throwing those covers off for a reason?\u201d
\n\u201cI noticed that about them bunkhouses,\u201d Hoss said, still a few beats behind. Luckily, his comment stopped Adam from losing his temper entirely. \u201cSometimes they\u2019s on one side o\u2019 the house, and sometimes they\u2019s on another.\u201d<\/p>\n

The redhead wiped the jam off Paw\u2019s paws, and gave him a drink of fruit juice. The little bear burped, and put his paw over his muzzle, smiling in a shy, embarrassed sort of way. Hoss beamed at him. He seemed to be the only member of the family who burped, although he harboured deep suspicions about Pa, who slept with his window open at night. The noises you heard coming from his room\u2026.<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd what about those trees in the front yard?\u201d said the blonde. She opened the door and peered out. \u201cLook! There\u2019s one now!\u201d Everyone rushed over, but by the time they got there, not only had the tree disappeared, but the window in Ben\u2019s study had moved from the front wall to the side wall. Just to keep it company, the bookcase had switched places too. Even though it was mid-February, the geraniums still bloomed bravely in their pots on the windowsill.<\/p>\n

As they came back in, the redhead gave the coat rack a suspicious glance. There was no way it could hold four hats and four coats. And it looked a bit too high for Joe to reach anyway. She shook her head slowly as she caught a glimpse of the murky oil painting on the wall. Done in various shades of ochre and sepia, it was impossible to tell what the subject matter actually was.<\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s probably why they hang it out of the way, so they don\u2019t have to look at it too often,\u201d she thought, joining the rest of the family round the fireplace once more. The blonde was studying Adam intensely and he squirmed under her velvety-brown gaze.<\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s your chair, isn\u2019t it?\u201d she asked and Adam nodded, half-dreading what might come next. \u201cThen why is the rubbed-out bit a good foot below your head? And have you ever considered investing in some antimacassars \u2013 they\u2019re jolly useful!\u201d<\/p>\n

Hop Sing came shuffling through from the kitchen. \u201cHave you never wondered what I do during my time off?\u201d he enquired in Oxford-accented English. Before anyone could comment on this, he continued. \u201cDoes anyone ask what I do when I\u2019m not cooking or looking over the family? Do I have a sitting room or even an armchair? No-one knows and no-one even asks!\u201d<\/p>\n

The Cartwrights exchanged guilty looks: they had just accepted that Hop Sing would always be there to attend to all their needs. In many ways, the situation was similar to that of the ranch hands: one moment there would be a someone to hand your horse to, the next there was no one to be seen. Of course, they might all be in the bunkhouse when it disappeared \u2026<\/p>\n

Ben leant back in his chair, steepled his fingers and smiled benevolently at everyone. \u201cWell, now that you\u2019ve mentioned it, I\u2019ll go and have a little word with Continuity \u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe interrupted him. \u201cContinuity? We\u2019ve got Continuity?\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben gave him a steely glare and continued. \u201cYou girls might have noticed these things, but I can assure you, the viewers never will!\u201d<\/p>\n

The End<\/p>\n

<\/div>\n

<\/g><\/svg><\/i> \"Loading\"<\/p>\n

<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Summary: \u00a0Ever wonder about the Ponderosa ranch house? The Giggly Sisters cast their eye over it, with the help of the Cartwrights and a lovely little Bear called Paw.<\/p>\n

Rated: K+ \u00a0(1,800 words)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":6,"featured_media":1242,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"template-full-width-post.php","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1609","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-humor","wpcat-4-id"],"a3_pvc":{"activated":true,"total_views":437,"today_views":1},"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/bonanza31.jpg?fit=573%2C389&ssl=1","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":1599,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=1599","url_meta":{"origin":1609,"position":0},"title":"The Never Ending Song (by the Giggly Sisters)","author":"The Giggly Sisters","date":"August 20, 2009","format":false,"excerpt":"Summary: \u00a0As Adam entertains the Cartwrights with his singing, Joe is consumed with jealousy and a long-hidden secret is finally revealed. Rated: K+ \u00a0WC 1700","rel":"","context":"In "Humor"","block_context":{"text":"Humor","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?cat=4"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/bonanza31.jpg?fit=573%2C389&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/bonanza31.jpg?fit=573%2C389&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/bonanza31.jpg?fit=573%2C389&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x"},"classes":[]},{"id":1595,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=1595","url_meta":{"origin":1609,"position":1},"title":"The Mystery of the Room Behind the Stairs (by the Giggly Sisters)","author":"The Giggly Sisters","date":"August 20, 2009","format":false,"excerpt":"Summary: \u00a0Deep behind the stairs of the Ponderosa lurked a deadly secret - the Giggly Sisters go where other writers fear to tread. Rated: K+ WC 2100","rel":"","context":"In "Humor"","block_context":{"text":"Humor","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?cat=4"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/bonanza31.jpg?fit=573%2C389&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/bonanza31.jpg?fit=573%2C389&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/bonanza31.jpg?fit=573%2C389&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x"},"classes":[]},{"id":1539,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=1539","url_meta":{"origin":1609,"position":2},"title":"Is This A Fireplace I See Before Me? (by the Giggly Sisters)","author":"The Giggly Sisters","date":"August 20, 2009","format":false,"excerpt":"Summary: \u00a0Ever wondered about the fireplaces in the bedrooms at the ranch? the Giggly Sisters turn their unique eye on them. Rated: K+ \u00a0WC \u00a01900","rel":"","context":"In "Humor"","block_context":{"text":"Humor","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?cat=4"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/bonanza31.jpg?fit=573%2C389&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/bonanza31.jpg?fit=573%2C389&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/bonanza31.jpg?fit=573%2C389&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x"},"classes":[]},{"id":64,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=64","url_meta":{"origin":1609,"position":3},"title":"A Wolf in Sheep’s Clothing (by the Giggly Sisters)","author":"The Giggly Sisters","date":"August 1, 2009","format":false,"excerpt":"Summary: Did Adam really shoot Joe by accident in My Brother's Keeper? Or was there something more sinister going on? the Giggly Sisters investigate. Rated: K+ (1,575 words)","rel":"","context":"In "Humor"","block_context":{"text":"Humor","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?cat=4"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/03\/Bonanza24.jpg?fit=526%2C372&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/03\/Bonanza24.jpg?fit=526%2C372&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/03\/Bonanza24.jpg?fit=526%2C372&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x"},"classes":[]},{"id":1487,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=1487","url_meta":{"origin":1609,"position":4},"title":"An Indoor Bathroom (by the Giggly Sisters)","author":"The Giggly Sisters","date":"August 20, 2009","format":false,"excerpt":"Summary: \u00a0On a cold, snowy day, the sisters want to know about something related to everyone's comfort. Rated: K+ \u00a0WC \u00a02000","rel":"","context":"In "Humor"","block_context":{"text":"Humor","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?cat=4"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/bonanza31.jpg?fit=573%2C389&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/bonanza31.jpg?fit=573%2C389&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/bonanza31.jpg?fit=573%2C389&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x"},"classes":[]},{"id":1552,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=1552","url_meta":{"origin":1609,"position":5},"title":"Kidnapping the Brothers (by the Giggly Sisters)","author":"The Giggly Sisters","date":"August 20, 2009","format":false,"excerpt":"Summary: \u00a0In their 50th outing, the Giggly Sisters join forces with their friends from the BonanzainAussie board. Rated: K+ \u00a0WC 2400","rel":"","context":"In "Humor"","block_context":{"text":"Humor","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?cat=4"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/bonanza31.jpg?fit=573%2C389&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/bonanza31.jpg?fit=573%2C389&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/bonanza31.jpg?fit=573%2C389&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x"},"classes":[]}],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1609","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/6"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1609"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1609\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/1242"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1609"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1609"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1609"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}