{"id":16228,"date":"2018-04-09T11:01:20","date_gmt":"2018-04-09T15:01:20","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=16228"},"modified":"2025-09-25T15:40:29","modified_gmt":"2025-09-25T19:40:29","slug":"the-undiscovered-country-by-sandspur","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=16228","title":{"rendered":"The Undiscovered Country (by sandspur)"},"content":{"rendered":"

Summary<\/strong>:\u00a0\u00a0The problems a man keeps secret are the biggest problems of all.<\/p>\n

Rating:\u00a0 \u00a0PG\u00a0 (1,955 words)<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The Undiscovered Country<\/strong><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Twelve\u2010year\u2010old Billy, the page, always answered quickly whenever Adam Cartwright asked him to run an errand. The fellow tipped well indeed for a sailor.<\/p>\n

\u201cGood afternoon, Mr. Cartwright, sir, what can I do for you?\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam grinned. \u201cJust wondered if you\u2019d mail a letter for me, Billy Boy. There\u2019s a dollar in it for you.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cGosh, sure, I\u2019ll mail your letter, sir!\u201d<\/p>\n

He ran all the way to the post office with the envelope.<\/p>\n

*****<\/p>\n

Dear Pa, Joe, and Jamie<\/em><\/p>\n

I am writing this letter to you all because I need you all to confer\u2014and please, your decision must be unanimous. Ever since the untimely passing of our beloved Hoss, you have been politely \u201csuggesting\u201d that I return to the Ponderosa, but the time was never quite right. Now, I believe it may be.<\/em><\/p>\n

If you think you could put up with having me around the house again, please write and let me know. If you don\u2019t think it is a good idea\u2014especially with Joe getting married and that baby on the way\u2014then don\u2019t hesitate to say so. I have other opportunities I am considering as well, but it is certain that my days as a sailor are at an end.<\/em><\/p>\n

Your wayward boy,<\/em><\/p>\n

Adam<\/em><\/p>\n

*****<\/p>\n

Three weeks later, Billy charged in with a return letter in hand, and earned himself another dollar.<\/p>\n

Dear Adam,<\/em><\/p>\n

How can you even write such a letter, boy? The Ponderosa is always your home. And we are always in need of a man who can sit a horse, chop down a tree, or fix a fence, I seem to recall you are quite experienced with such work!<\/em><\/p>\n

Joe and Jamie are in complete agreement with my sentiments. Don\u2019t delay. We can hardly wait to see you again.<\/em><\/p>\n

Affectionately,<\/em><\/p>\n

Pa<\/em><\/p>\n

*****<\/p>\n

\u201cMr. Cartwright, did you call for me?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI did, Billy. Can I sweet\u2010talk you into mailing another letter for me?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSure thing, sir!\u201d<\/p>\n

*****<\/p>\n

Dear Pa,<\/em><\/p>\n

Your kindness, of course, is most appreciated. I have to admit, just for a minute, I was afraid to open that envelope when I saw it. But I should have better explained my circumstances. They are quite different than before. (Do not get your hopes up\u2014no, I am not married.) But I was wondering about a man of my acquaintance. There was a fellow on my last ship\u2014you\u2019d like him Pa, a first-rate Yankee granite head, handy with a guitar, nice singing voice, tells great stories. The rest of the crew held him in high esteem. But on our last voyage out, he fell from the rigging. It was awful, Pa, what happened. Now he\u2019s paralyzed, and they say he will never walk again. He is still a good singer, handy with guitar\u2014has a lot of accounting experience too. And I wondered how you would feel about my bringing him along. It\u2019s true he would be useless as a ranch hand, but his bookkeeping would help him earn his bed and board, and I think you\u2019d enjoy his stories. I think he could be an asset to the ranch, given a chance, but it is up to you. He\u2019d have to live on the grounds and of course he would need some help day to day.<\/em><\/p>\n

Let me know what you decide.<\/em><\/p>\n

Affectionately,<\/em><\/p>\n

Adam<\/em><\/p>\n

*****<\/p>\n

And another three weeks went by before Billy excitedly delivered a reply, again receiving a dollar in compensation.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Dear Adam,<\/em><\/p>\n

Your latest missive has rather thrown us into a quandary. Of course, your friend is welcome at the Ponderosa; we never turn anyone away, but I have to say I would prefer him as a guest, not an employee or a permanent resident. In the first place, we no longer do our own bookkeeping. The ranch has grown by leaps and bounds since you were here, Adam, and we had to hire a firm in Carson City to handle our books. Even if you and your friend both worked on the books, you would not be able to keep up, so your friend\u2019s one opportunity to be productive simply does not exist here.<\/em><\/p>\n

Again he is welcome for a temporary stay, but Adam, we have always relied on those who lived here to pull their own weight\u2026I\u2019m sure you recall being an advocate of that philosophy yourself. Songs and stories are nice but they\u2019re not qualifications for a lifetime guest. Besides, if the man\u2019s injuries are as bad as you describe, he will need considerable assistance just in day-to-day living activities. Do you recall when you fell from the roof at the construction site and were temporarily paralyzed? Do you remember how you felt? You were careful to always seem optimistic, but sometimes when you thought I wasn\u2019t watching, I saw you struggling with the despair. This man needs full-time help. If he has no family to take up the burden, he should apply to one of the old sailors\u2019 homes. I have heard the one in Gloucester is excellent, and that\u2019s where he could find the kind of care and companionship he really needs.<\/em><\/p>\n

If it\u2019s something you really insist upon, I will allow your friend to stay, but you will have to either provide his care or finance it yourself; with Joe\u2019s wife ill and her confinement approaching, we really cannot go to so much extra trouble.<\/em><\/p>\n

I hope you understand and that this will not influence you to take one of those other \u201copportunities\u201d you mentioned. I am really looking forward to seeing you again.<\/em><\/p>\n

Affectionately,<\/em><\/p>\n

your father<\/em><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam read the letter and sighed. \u201cI guess it was too much to hope for.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSir?\u201d Billy asked. \u201cSorry, I don\u2019t understand.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNothing, Billy. Say, can you come back in half an hour or so? There\u2019s another dollar in it for you.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAlways, Mr. Cartwright.\u201d<\/p>\n

*****<\/p>\n

Dear Pa,<\/em><\/p>\n

Sorry to get your hopes up with my last couple of letters. One of those opportunities I mentioned before has opened up and I really cannot pass it by.<\/em><\/p>\n

You remember when I left I was always looking for adventure, wanting to explore the \u201cundiscovered countries\u201d and fearing it was too late, that they had all been discovered. Well, I found one that hasn\u2019t, and I\u2019ll be leaving tonight. It\u2019s going to be a wonderful adventure, Pa, and I just can\u2019t let it go\u2014you might call it a once-in-a-lifetime chance.<\/em><\/p>\n

This will be my last letter to you as I plan to leave at once, and of course, there are no post offices where I\u2019ll be going. I wish the best for you and Jamie, and of course Joe and Alice. Tell Joe to name the baby after me\u2014but only if it is a boy. I hope that made you smile.<\/em><\/p>\n

I love you all, and will keep you in my heart always. I hope you will keep me in yours as well, if you get over being upset at me for not coming home. Think of me fondly if you can, every once in a while, when you see a tall, straight-backed chestnut horse with a blazed face and four white socks\u2026<\/em><\/p>\n

Your devoted son,<\/em><\/p>\n

Adam<\/em><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam wrote another letter as well, this one quite formal, and called for a notary to witness him signing it. Just after the notary sealed it, Billy reappeared.<\/p>\n

\u201cBilly, you have an excellent sense of timing,\u201d Adam chuckled as the boy returned. \u201cNow I need you to do a couple of extra errands for me, will you?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOf course, sir!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cGood boy. I need you to mail this, and then close my box at the post office. Tell them to provide the refund in cash, all right?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cUnderstood, sir.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou can keep the post office refund, by the way. Then take this letter here to the bank. This closes my account there, as well. They\u2019ll give you some money\u2026not much I\u2019m afraid\u2026but I want you to keep it.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cMr. Cartwright, whatever for? You\u2019re giving me all your money?\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam shrugged. \u201cMaybe you can go to college someday. Education is important, you know.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSo you have told me, sir!\u201d Billy replied with a grin.<\/p>\n

\u201cLast favor\u2026don\u2019t come back tonight. I won\u2019t need you anymore. Things will be different tomorrow.\u201d<\/p>\n

He held out a gold coin.<\/p>\n

\u201cMr. Cartwright, this is lots more than a dollar! It\u2019s a twenty\u2010dollar gold piece.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, it\u2019s to keep all the other money company, you young scamp. You know, you remind me of my little brother once upon a time\u2014I only hope you don\u2019t have any hare\u2010brained notions of how to make a fortune. Now, Billy, you\u2019ve always been a hard worker and a good friend, and I just want you to know I appreciate it.\u201d He held out a hand, and Billy shook it, grinning.<\/p>\n

\u201cAll right, sir. See you tomorrow, sir.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam grinned and watched as the boy charged off with the letters. The grin faded once Billy was out of sight. He slowly and painfully maneuvered his wheelchair over to the small chest of drawers by his bed, and pulled out an old Colt .44, the one thing he\u2019d taken from the Ponderosa a decade ago. He smiled again and scratched his temple with its cool metal\u2026something he used to do often back at home, and his brothers would shake their heads and tell him he was nuts.<\/p>\n

\u201cHoist by my own petard,\u201d he murmured, putting the Colt to his forehead again\u2026and this time, he didn\u2019t scratch.<\/p>\n

*****<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat the hell does he mean, some great opportunity to explore undiscovered countries?\u201d Joe demanded. \u201cThis letter makes no sense.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHe must have been pretty excited when he wrote it,\u201d Ben replied, trying not to sound as disappointed as he felt.<\/p>\n

\u201cI can\u2019t believe he did that to us. You know it was just a temper tantrum because we wouldn\u2019t take in his mooching friend. Name the baby after him, sheesh. I\u2019m gonna name the baby Eric or Benjamin. Not Adam, that\u2019s for sure.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThat tone is uncalled for, young man. And I don\u2019t want to hear bitter words from you about your brother, now or ever,\u201d Ben declared, his heavy gray eyebrows drawn together like thunderheads.<\/p>\n

\u201cCan I see this letter, Pa?\u201d Jamie asked. \u201cWe\u2019ve been studying Hamlet <\/em>in school. I was going to tell Adam about it but I guess I can\u2019t now until he gets another post office box.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat does Hamlet have to do with this letter?\u201d Joe asked.<\/p>\n

Jamie looked wise and mysterious as he pointed to the letter. \u201cThat part about the undiscovered country. It\u2019s from the famous soliloquy, you know, the \u2018to be or not to be\u2019 speech.<\/p>\n

\u2018But that the dread of something after death
\n,The undiscovered country, from whose bourn
\nNo traveller returns, puzzles the will,
\nAnd makes us rather bear those ills we have
\nThan fly to others that we know not of?\u2019<\/em><\/p>\n

I had to read that out today. Now when Hamlet talked about it, the undiscovered country was what happens after people die. Pretty scary, huh? I\u2019m gonna go clean the barn now.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben and Joe exchanged a suddenly uneasy look as Jamie left.<\/p>\n

\u201cNo,\u201d Ben said flatly. \u201cNot him. He\u2019s got no reason.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBesides, he\u2019s too much of a stubborn Yankee granite\u2010head\u2026\u201d Joe\u2019s voice trailed off suddenly.<\/p>\n

\u201c\u2026who\u2019s good with a guitar and storytelling and bookkeeping\u2026\u201d Ben said faintly. \u201cOh my God, Joseph, what have we done?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNothing,\u201d Joe replied grimly. \u201cWe\u2019re getting too imaginative in our old age. That\u2019s silly talk and I don\u2019t believe it. I\u2019m going home now, Pa\u2026Alice really wasn\u2019t feeling well this morning.\u201d<\/p>\n

As he left, Ben returned to his desk and pulled out Adam\u2019s earlier letter, reading both again. And then he put his head into his hands and cried.<\/p>\n

~The End<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Author\u2019s Note:<\/p>\n

This was one of the first stories I wrote back at BonanzaWorld. When people asked why it had such a sad ending, I told them because my oldest son was far away, and had not told us about any problems that he was having, and the ending was the same. Then a lot of people messaged me, telling me when they had almost made that choice, or of people they knew who had suffered similar losses. They thought it might help other people and suggested I post it elsewhere. But aside from BW, I never could bring myself to touch it again. My son Jere died on April 9, 2008. I guess I thought the time had come to touch it again. This story is dedicated to him, and to all the people who stopped themselves from pulling the trigger\u2026or survived when someone they loved pulled the trigger anyway.<\/em><\/p>\n

I was surprised how drained and sick I felt after the very minor editing job I did on this. Ten years later and it seems like\u00a0yesterday<\/span>. Of all my Bonanza stories, this is the only one that was intensely personal from start to finish, but I keep thinking that if I can do anyone some good with it, then I should.<\/em><\/p>\n

\u00a0The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, \u00a01-800-273-8255.<\/em><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Tags:\u00a0 Adam Cartwright,\u00a0Ben Cartwright,\u00a0Jamie Hunter Cartwright,\u00a0Joe \/ Little Joe Cartwright<\/p>\n

<\/div>\n

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Summary:\u00a0\u00a0The problems a man keeps secret are the biggest problems of all.<\/p>\n

Rating:\u00a0 \u00a0PG\u00a0 (1,955 words)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":81,"featured_media":14817,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"template-full-width-post.php","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[7,23],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-16228","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-a-u","category-drama","wpcat-7-id","wpcat-23-id"],"a3_pvc":{"activated":true,"total_views":2544,"today_views":0},"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/shooting-star.jpg?fit=284%2C177&ssl=1","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":7623,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=7623","url_meta":{"origin":16228,"position":0},"title":"Seeing An Angel (by DJK)","author":"DJK","date":"May 9, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"Summary:\u00a0A girl from Marie\u2019s past has something for Little Joe. 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