{"id":16260,"date":"2006-08-26T05:29:31","date_gmt":"2006-08-26T09:29:31","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=16260"},"modified":"2026-07-28T11:43:59","modified_gmt":"2026-07-28T15:43:59","slug":"torn-assunder-by-christy","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=16260","title":{"rendered":"Torn Assunder (by Christy)"},"content":{"rendered":"

Summary:\u00a0\u00a0<\/strong>This is a story in an alternate universe where Hoss has a twin sister Emma. This story deals with the family immediately before and after Marie\u2019s death. Ben loses the children\u2019s trust when he runs off after Marie\u2019s death. Further tragedy befalls the family and the children and Ben must pick up the pieces or forever be torn asunder as a family.<\/p>\n

Rating:\u00a0 PG\u00a0 (21,240 words)<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Torn Assunder<\/strong><\/p>\n

Chapter 1<\/p>\n

\u201cMama, will you make sure Little Joe behaves himself in school tomorrow?\u201d Emma Cartwright asked her step-mother. Ben Cartwright exchanged amused glances with his wife across the table. Adam hid a snicker while Little Joe protested.<\/p>\n

\u201cI be good. I promise. I wanta go school.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019re only going cause Mama is bringing brownies for Hoss\u2019 and my birthday,\u201d Emma teased her brother. \u201cIt\u2019s only for a little while.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSo?\u201d Joe tossed back.<\/p>\n

\u201cJoseph, mind your manners,\u201d Marie chided, leaning over and planting a kiss on his forehead. \u201cAnd eat your beans.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYuck,\u201d Little Joe answered pushing the green vegetable around his plate. The five year old was very good at not eating anything but what he wanted. Marie rolled her eyes.<\/p>\n

\u201cHe\u2019s always making a fuss like he is now,\u201d Emma sulked from her seat. \u201cThe girls will tease me if he whines and complains tomorrow.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI can think of a way to remedy that,\u201d Ben told his daughter. Emma looked up at the man she adored and realized by the look on his face she was in trouble.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat\u2019s that, Pa?\u201d Hoss asked sending his twin a glare. Hoss adored Little Joe a connection Emma couldn\u2019t help being jealous of sometimes though in truth she protected Little Joe as much as her brothers did. Emma knew her twin was kind hearted and gentle while she often gave into little tempers and moods of her own. She was more like her father than even Ben realized.<\/p>\n

\u201cMarie can stay home with Joe and then his presence won\u2019t be a problem at all.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOh, Pa!\u201d Emma sighed. Ben\u2019s stern countenance did not abate as his chocolate eyes met his daughter\u2019s blue ones.<\/p>\n

\u201cApologize to your brother, Emma.\u201d Emma sighed. Joe wasn\u2019t too upset as he scooped some mashed potatoes into his mouth, then played with his beans. Everyone else at the table waited until Emma mumbled an apology.<\/p>\n

\u201cI didn\u2019t hear you!\u201d Ben thundered. Little Joe still fiddled with his food. Emma\u2019s pretty face, appearing much like her mother, Inger\u2019s forced an apology.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m sorry, Little Joe. I didn\u2019t mean anything.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cS\u2019okay, Emma,\u201d Little Joe answered happily. Impulsively Emma hurried over to the other side of the table hugging her little brother. Joe hugged her back.<\/p>\n

\u201cRead me a story, Emmie,\u201d he begged a little while later. Marie and Ben watched as Emma led the tyke upstairs. Her braided sandy colored hair hung down her slender back, her dark blue dress covered by a white pinafore. Hoss followed his sister and brother upstairs. Adam came in from the barn where he had been bedding down the horses.<\/p>\n

\u201cAdam, it\u2019s getting a mite cold out there, isn\u2019t it?\u201d Ben asked as Marie took her darning and the myriad pile of socks that needed to be mended and sat down in front of the fireplace.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s snowing, Pa. Could be quite a bit by morning.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOh, no, Ben,\u201d Marie protested. \u201cThe children will be so disappointed if they can\u2019t go to school tomorrow.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWe can have our own little party here,\u201d Ben assured her.<\/p>\n

\u201cWell I\u2019m off to read a good book,\u201d Adam told his parents. \u201cPa, I wondered about Emma. She\u2019s been getting more and more impatient with Little Joe.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI gathered that, Adam. Marie and I will discuss it.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI guess I should apologize. I\u2019ve gotten impatient with Little Joe myself. Sometimes I forget he\u2019s only five years old. He gets into everything. Somehow I don\u2019t remember the twins doing that.\u201d Ben slapped his son on the shoulder.<\/p>\n

\u201cHoss and Emma amused each other, Adam. And you were born thirty years old.\u201d Adam chuckled followed by Marie\u2019s smile.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ll try and be more patient with Little Joe,\u201d Adam promised. \u201cYou and Marie deserve that, Pa and so do the children.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThank-you, Adam,\u201d Marie put in. \u201cI worry about Emma and Little Joe too. Emma fights with Little Joe so easily. She is growing up in a houseful of men and learning to be a woman at the same time.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cA woman!\u201d Ben exclaimed. \u201cMarie, she\u2019s a little girl. She\u2019s only eleven years old.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBen,\u201d Marie laughed, her beautiful eyes sparkling with knowledge and joy. \u201cEmma is beginning to become a woman. It is hard for her when her brothers and father don\u2019t understand.\u201d Adam cleared his throat. He bent over and kissed Marie on the cheek.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ll defer to your expertise, Marie. Let me know what I can do for my little sister and I\u2019ll do my best.\u201d The young man\u2019s shoulders were shaking with silent amusement as he disappeared up the stairs. Ben shook his head. Taking his coffee he sat down on the settee next to his wife.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019ve done wonders with Adam, you know,\u201d he complimented. \u201cI think you\u2019ve bewitched him.\u201d Marie put down her needle and the basket of socks found the floor as she gave up her sewing and snuggled next to her husband. This was the best time of day. She cherished her quiet times with Ben.<\/p>\n

\u201cI wish I could do the same with Emma,\u201d she concurred.<\/p>\n

\u201cEmma is Emma,\u201d Ben said.<\/p>\n

\u201cBen!\u201d Marie laughed. \u201cYou see things so black and white sometimes. Emma is not Little Joe or Adam or Hoss. She is a little girl who needs to know that no matter what happens in her life you will recognize that fact.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIn other words I treat her too much like Hoss or Adam?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, she knows how to mend fences and ride horses faster than her brothers,\u201d Marie commented. \u201cAnd she fits into Adam\u2019s old clothes perfectly.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cShe likes to help on the ranch.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOf course she does and there is nothing wrong with that,\u201d Marie agreed. \u201cBut perhaps we should let her know that being a little girl is not a bad thing either.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAs usual, you are right, My Love,\u201d Ben answered. \u201cDo you think she\u2019ll like the dress you made her for her birthday?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI hope so, Ben. Ben\u2026Emma is the only daughter we have. She is special, just like Little Joe, Adam and Hoss. Thank-you for them.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThank-you for being their mother,\u201d Ben replied. \u201cNow, could we concentrate on something other than the children?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cUmmm,\u201d Marie sighed snuggling closer to Ben. \u201cSuch as Mon Ami?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cMaybe creating another daughter or son?\u201d Ben suggested. Marie\u2019s laughter rang through the house as her husband\u2019s kisses gave her the love and joy she had craved for so many years, and her children went about their lives upstairs, not knowing that this was the last night their parents would ever enjoy together.<\/p>\n

[hr]<\/p>\n

In the morning, fresh snow continued to fall. Ben and Marie were up early. Marie got up a sleepy Little Joe while Ben woke Adam and the entire family met in the twins\u2019 room. Marie\u2019s green eyes glimmered with excitement as she handed over Little Joe to Ben and then tickled the children awake.<\/p>\n

\u201cHappy Birthday, Hoss and Emma,\u201d the family chorused, sans Little Joe who stuck his finger in his mouth and leaned his head against his papa\u2019s shoulder. The twins giggled together and ran to give their parents\u2019 hugs.<\/p>\n

\u201cPa, can we open our presents, huh?\u201d Hoss begged.<\/p>\n

\u201cHoss, yer supposed to wait till after breakfast,\u201d Emma scolded.<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, we\u2019ll tell you what,\u201d Marie laughed. \u201cWe have a surprise you can both see right now. Come with us.\u201d Emma and Hoss followed their parents and Adam down to the room next to Adam\u2019s. Marie opened the bedroom door and Emma walked into a room that held a double bed, a dresser and an ewer and pitcher. The twins looked confused.<\/p>\n

\u201cPa?\u201d Emma asked. \u201cMama?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat\u2019s this Pa?\u201d Hoss wondered.<\/p>\n

\u201cThis is going to be your room, Emma. Your papa and I agree,\u201d Marie informed her.<\/p>\n

\u201cBut it\u2019s so plain,\u201d Emma protested.<\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s all right, Mon Petite,\u201d Marie exclaimed. \u201cI thought of decorating it for you, but then I thought, maybe we could go through magazines and find out how you would like to decorate it. Hoss can do the same for his room.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAw, the room\u2019s fine now,\u201d Hoss answered in his placid way. Ben\u2019s strong hands clasped Hoss\u2019s shoulders.<\/p>\n

\u201cSon, at the least you need a bigger bed. You\u2019re growing so fast, you\u2019ll be bigger than me, soon.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAw, Pa,\u201d Hoss repeated again. Emma gave a screech that woke Little Joe and garnered grins from Adam and Ben as Emma threw herself into Marie\u2019s arms.<\/p>\n

\u201cThank-you, Mama. Thank-you, Pa. Oh it will be so much fun, but\u2026\u201d the little girl\u2019s eyes met her twin\u2019s. \u201cI\u2019ve never had a room all to myself. I\u2019m used to Hoss.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cShucks, Sis. Ya can sleep in my room any time,\u201d Hoss grinned.<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd you won\u2019t have to listen to his snoring so much,\u201d Adam teased. Hoss slugged his brother on the arm and Adam gave a yelp that elicited more laughter. Emma\u2019s eyes shone bright with delight.<\/p>\n

\u201cOkay,\u201d Emma acquiesced. She sat down on the bed. Marie sat with her, hugging the little girl.<\/p>\n

\u201cA girl needs her own space, Emma. This is your space somewhere to come when you need time to just be you, because remember you are very special, just like your brothers and your papa.\u201d Marie\u2019s kindness enveloped the child. She hugged Marie back.<\/p>\n

\u201cThank-you, Mama.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cCan we git breakfast now?\u201d Hoss wondered. \u201cI smell bacon and sausage both! Hop Sing musta made something special.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOh, you,\u201d Emma exclaimed. \u201cYer always hungry.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m growing just like Pa says, Sis.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHoss is growing,\u201d Little Joe repeated. \u201cBig boy!\u201d Everyone laughed, their joy making the little boy giggle.<\/p>\n

\u201cLittle Joe hungry.\u201d Ben lifted the boy in the air, his happiness infective.<\/p>\n

\u201cWell if you\u2019re hungry, Son, I suggest we all get dressed and meet downstairs for breakfast.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cCome on, Emma, Hoss,\u201d Marie encouraged. The children hurried off. In their room, Emma went behind the curtain that separated her bed from Hoss\u2019 when she was getting dressed.<\/p>\n

\u201cHoss, ya aint mad are ya?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cCourse I aint mad, Sis.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI think Mama knows just what I want. How does she do that.\u201d Hoss chuckled.<\/p>\n

\u201cShe\u2019s a mama I guess.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBut we never had a mama till she came. How\u2019d she know?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI dunno, Sis. I aint her,\u201d Hoss giggled again. Emma finished dressing. She pulled on her pinafore and ran after her brother down to the breakfast table, the children laughing and teasing each other on the way down.<\/p>\n

Downstairs, just as Hoss suspected, Hop Sing had made a special breakfast with all of Hoss\u2019 and Emma\u2019s favorites. Hoss dug in while Emma stared at all the food. She stole a look at Adam, showing her sensitivity to the stories her brother had told her over the years about traveling with the wagon train.<\/p>\n

\u201cAdam, that\u2019s a lot of food. When Pa met Ma, you only had milk and bread. Now we got all this. Don\u2019t seem right.\u201d Ben and Adam both gave Emma their attention.<\/p>\n

\u201cHoney, that was a long time ago,\u201d Ben told her.<\/p>\n

\u201cI know, but it still don\u2019t seem right.\u201d Ben\u2019s eyes went to Adam. Adam went to his sister.<\/p>\n

\u201cEmma, you can\u2019t worry about what Pa and yer Ma and I didn\u2019t have all those years ago. Pa was still trying to come west. Now we have the Ponderosa and Little Joe and you and Hoss and Marie. Don\u2019t you think your Ma would want you to be happy about that and all this instead of feeling guilty?\u201d Hoss had stopped eating. Marie was helping Little Joe, her attention half on her young son and half on Emma whose observation surprised her. Emma wasn\u2019t a retrospective child, but she could come up with the most amazing thoughts.<\/p>\n

\u201cI wish I knew my ma,\u201d Emma said. Before anyone could say more, she pulled out a chair and sat down. \u201cBut I guess Adam\u2019s right. She\u2019d be glad we all have each other, even Little Joe.\u201d Ben\u2019s eyes twinkled as he sat down.<\/p>\n

\u201cI know Inger would be very happy for all of us, Emma. Now let\u2019s hold hands and say Grace.\u201d Emma\u2019s hands were held tight by Hoss already with sticky syrup on them, and Marie\u2019s gentle touch as Ben\u2019s paternal voice said Grace. Marie\u2019s heart swelled with pride for the family she and Ben were raising.<\/p>\n

Chapter 2<\/p>\n

\u201cMama, Papa and Adam forgot their lunch,\u201d Emma told her mother an hour later. Ben and Adam had gone to check on some cows in the north pasture. The snow was falling in thick white flakes. Marie\u2019s eyes flashed to the tin bucket on the dining room table that contained her husband and Adam\u2019s lunch.<\/p>\n

\u201cMama?\u201d Emma went on standing nearby.<\/p>\n

\u201cMaybe I can take it to him.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI can take it,\u201d Hoss offered eagerly from the great room where he was playing soldiers with Little Joe.<\/p>\n

\u201cNon, Mon Petite,\u201d Marie denied. \u201cYou stay here where it is warm with Emma and Little Joe. I\u2019ll go after them. They can\u2019t be far.\u201d Marie went over to where they kept their winter coats and boots. She took down her coat and boots and hat and scarf.<\/p>\n

\u201cDress up warm, Mama,\u201d Hoss fussed. With Little Joe tagging behind him, he came to stand by his step-mother. Emma suddenly threw herself against Marie.<\/p>\n

\u201cDon\u2019t go, Mama! Pa will come back to get him and Adam\u2019s lunch. You\u2019ll see.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBut then they will miss work, Mon Petite. It is all right. You know it is. Now what is this all about?\u201d Marie knelt down to Emma\u2019s height while Joe reached to his sister.<\/p>\n

\u201cDon\u2019t cry, Emmie,\u201d he pleaded. \u201cMama don\u2019t go.\u201d Now Little Joe lunged at Marie.<\/p>\n

\u201cLook, Emma, now ya upset Little Joe,\u201d Hoss chided. Marie comforted the children.<\/p>\n

\u201cLittle Joe fusses at everything,\u201d Emma pouted.<\/p>\n

\u201cNo, Mon Petite,\u201d Marie reminded the girl. \u201cYou forget Emma what it was like to be four years old. And when you were four you had Hoss.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBut we didn\u2019t have a mama.\u201d Marie sighed. She leaned over kissing Emma on the forehead.<\/p>\n

\u201cBut you all have a mama now. I love you, Emma as much as Little Joe. You must never doubt that. Remember, it is not how much love a person receives in life, but how much love a person can give. Now I must go or your papa and Adam will get too far ahead of me to find them. The snow should show me easily which way they went.\u201d Marie\u2019s words seemed to give the child pause for thought.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ll remember, Mama.\u201d Then she took Little Joe\u2019s hand.<\/p>\n

\u201cCome on, Little Joe, let\u2019s play soldiers with Hoss. I bet we can beat him.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWanta go with Mama,\u201d Little Joe insisted tugging back at Emma\u2019s hand.<\/p>\n

\u201cHurry up, Mama or he\u2019ll scream,\u201d Hoss advised as Emma distracted the child. Marie nodded. Taking the bucket, and pulling a scarf over her face beneath her hood, she went outside into the snow leaving the children behind, never knowing that they would forever remember her last words as she left.<\/p>\n

\u201cI love you. You be good children,\u201d she called back.<\/p>\n

\u201cHurry back, Mama,\u201d Hoss called out, then shut the door behind her and returned his attention to his sister and brother.<\/p>\n

Outside, Marie went to the barn to saddle her horse. The wind was more harsh than she believed it would be. It was with a sigh of relief she entered the barn, wondering if it was wise to go out in the snow. Shaking off her trepidation, she saddled Whisperer, her mare. Placing the bucket over the saddle\u2019s pommel, she put a bed roll on the back just in case she got cold. She was dressed warmly in her winter coat which had a hood with a scarf about her neck, warm gloves and boots. Her blond tendrils of hair peaked out as she exited the barn. Whisperer threaded her way across the yard. The snow blew over the windows blocking her view of the children inside. Tree branches whipped around. Marie worked to keep Whisperer under control. When several branches fell, Whisperer reared up. At first Marie thought they would be all right until her heart went to her mouth as the horse fell over backward, unseating her.<\/p>\n

\u201cMon Dieu!\u201d she screamed. \u201cBEN!\u201d Marie\u2019s slight body was helpless against gravity, the seconds ticking as slow as an hour as she was suspended between the horse and the ground. Her side hit the fence, bringing it down with her as she slammed into the ground despite the snow, then rolled to her back only to watch in suspended horror as the full weight of her horse landed upon her. Her scream was silenced by her inability to get air into her lungs. The horse was up in a second. Stunned Marie lay gasping for air her mind benumbed with a fiery agony radiating from broken bones and crushed organs. Minutes went by. Despite the blood that came from her mouth, she tried to get up. With a sickening gut wrenching jolt, she realized she could not feel her legs. Moving was not an option for the mother who wanted only to get back to her children. Lying in the snow Marie\u2019s eyes blinked against the wet flakes that landed upon them, her chest impossible to move, her heart and lungs slowly ceasing to function. Marie fought the idea of death for only a moment, raging against her fate, her last thoughts for her family.<\/p>\n

\u201cBen\u2026Oh, Ben, I don\u2019t want to leave you!\u201d she thought as death whispered in her ear. \u201cOur babies\u2026take care of our babies.\u201d Her hand brushed her abdomen where her unborn child rested. Looking up at the darkening sky overhead, she lifted her hand towards an image of Ben\u2019s face, her lips parting slightly with one last soft gasp before the gloved fingers fell back into the snow and the gentle spirit that had graced the Ponderosa for such a short while allowed the angels to take her through heaven\u2019s gates to live forevermore.<\/p>\n

[hr]<\/p>\n

\u201cPa, I sure am glad you decided we should come in for lunch,\u201d Adam called to his father as the men neared the house. \u201cThe weather is turning right nasty as Hoss would say.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIt sure is, Son. It\u2019ll be nice to spend the afternoon with Marie and the children.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cPa, ya ever think how lucky we are ta have the family the way Emma says, compared to how it was before we met Inger?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAll the time, Son,\u201d Ben answered. The men turned into the yard and froze at the sight of Whisperer standing out in the cold and the wind.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat in the world?\u201d Ben asked out loud. \u201cAdam, let\u2019s get that horse. He must have got out somehow.\u201d Ben jumped down off Buck. He hurried over to the animal. Whisperer didn\u2019t fight him. Adam held Buck\u2019s reins. Despite Whisperer\u2019s presence, there was no sign of Marie and the children. It was getting dark and the storm was getting worse.<\/p>\n

\u201cLet\u2019s get these animals inside, Adam.\u201d Ben was about to turn back to his son when his eyes fell upon the fence, partially collapsed and covered over with snow.<\/p>\n

\u201cAdam! See this?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYeah, Pa. What does it mean?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t know,\u201d Ben mused. Adam dismounted now taking all of the horses\u2019 reins. Ben knelt into the snow examining the fence.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat in the world is going on here?\u201d he went on. He couldn\u2019t see how the fence had been broken. Suddenly he stood, shouting as loud as he could.<\/p>\n

\u201cMarie! Marie! Where are you?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cPa?\u201d Adam shouted back. \u201cPa, what is it?\u201d Ben\u2019s stricken face turned to Adam, the words sending a chill through the boy\u2019s heart.<\/p>\n

\u201cMarie! She has to be here. Look at the fence, Son.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cMaybe she\u2019s in the house, Pa. Let\u2019s go see.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou go.\u201d Ben started digging at the snow with his bare hands. Adam quickly took the horses and put them in the barn. While Ben searched for his wife, the young man raced into the house, throwing open the front door, scaring Hoss and Emma who jumped up. Little Joe grabbed Emma\u2019s leg and Hop Sing came running.<\/p>\n

\u201cMistah Adam, what you doing? You dripping all over Hop Sing floor. You git dirty. You clean up.\u201d Adam ignored the Chinaman\u2019s ranting, his attention given to the room filled only with his younger siblings, his stepmother no where in sight.<\/p>\n

\u201cHoss! Quick. Is Marie in here?\u201d Hoss and Emma exchanged glances. \u201cHoss!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cShe went ta bring you and Pa lunch. She left a few hours ago,\u201d Hoss told him.<\/p>\n

\u201cOh my God. Hoss get your coat. We need your help. Emma stay with Little Joe.\u201d A distant agonized scream from outside took Adam back out into the storm. Adam raced back to his father\u2019s side. Ben was kneeling in the snow staring at something the boy couldn\u2019t quite identify until he knelt beside his father. Sickened by the sight, the boy swallowed the bile that rose in his throat.<\/p>\n

\u201cPa?\u201d he choked out. He didn\u2019t need to ask more. Marie\u2019s eyes were flecked with snow, wide open, unseeing. Her hair lay in frozen tendrils partially covered in white, her hood lying beneath her. That she had been there for a period of time was obvious. Ben seemed to be in shock. Hoss came running dressed in his coat and boots.<\/p>\n

\u201cPa! Adam! Didja find Ma?\u201d he asked.<\/p>\n

\u201cHoss go back to the house,\u201d Adam ordered from where he knelt, not even feeling the icy cold snow beneath him. \u201cDo it now. Take Joe and Emma up to your room and stay there. Don\u2019t come out till Pa or I say so, okay? Do it Little Brother please.\u201d Hoss looked down. Whether he saw Marie or not, Adam didn\u2019t know. The boy ran to do as he was told without a word. Adam turned his attention to his distraught parent.<\/p>\n

\u201cPa? Pa, we have to get her inside. Pa!\u201d Ben wasn\u2019t apparently hearing his son. He leaned forward, touching the frosted hair, then attempting to shut the unseeing eyes. To his horror, the lashes came off and he screamed again his hands flailing in the air at nothing.<\/p>\n

\u201cMarie! Marie! Don\u2019t leave us! We need you! Marie.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cPa!\u201d Adam hollered through his father\u2019s grief. \u201cPa, the children! They\u2019ll hear you. Pa, let\u2019s take her inside. Come on, Pa. Please. Pa, for the love of God, listen to me.\u201d Several more seconds passed. Adam was about to lean over and pick up his stepmother\u2019s inert body himself when Ben leaned over carefully lifting Marie\u2019s frozen form. In silence he pulled her up against his chest. She was as stiff as a board. Adam knew he\u2019d never forget the grief on his father\u2019s face as Ben stood. For a brief instant father and son gazed at each other.<\/p>\n

\u201cPa,\u201d Adam tried. Ben opened his mouth and then shut it. Adam followed him into the house. Hop Sing was waiting for them. For once the Chinaman didn\u2019t say a word. Adam opened the downstairs bedroom and Ben disappeared inside. He gently placed Marie on the waiting bed. His tormented chocolate eyes never left Marie\u2019s white face.<\/p>\n

\u201cLeave us alone, Adam,\u201d he finally managed.<\/p>\n

\u201cPa, the children,\u201d Adam tried. Ben\u2019s voice escalated.<\/p>\n

\u201cGet out, Adam! Get out!\u201d Adam shut the door behind him. Standing in the hall, he looked around the Great room, numb, unable to believe what he had seen.<\/p>\n

\u201c#1 Son know what to do? Missy Marie hurt?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cShe\u2019s\u2026She\u2019s dead, Hop Sing,\u201d Adam blurted, not sure how his mind was allowing him to say the words. \u201cWhen did she leave?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cLong time. She want to bring lunch to you and Mistah Cartlight.\u201d Adam looked up the stairs. Finally he looked back to the houseman who was also the family\u2019s friend.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat are we going to do, Hop Sing? Pa\u2019s locked himself in with Marie. The snow is too heavy to send for Doctor Martin and someone\u2019s got to tell Hoss and Emma and Little Joe.\u201d Adam sank down into the sofa putting his head in his hands, giving way to the grief he felt. It had taken him so long to let himself trust that Marie wouldn\u2019t leave them the way his mother and Hoss and Emma\u2019s had. Now it had happened again. What would this do to his brothers and sister?<\/p>\n

\u201c#1 Son haveta tell brothers and sister. Hop Sing take care of honorable father.\u201d Adam nodded. He couldn\u2019t make himself stand up. When Hop Sing handed him a glass, he looked at it in confusion.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat\u2019s this?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou drink. Then go talk to brothers and sister,\u201d Hop Sing instructed. Adam drank down the burning liquid without really thinking about it. Not a sound came from the bedroom behind him. For a second Adam gazed into the roaring fire seeing Marie\u2019s face. He almost smiled feeling her strength. For the first time he realized how much courage it must have taken for her to follow his father back to the Ponderosa and take care of a family that she strove to make her own. Grief stricken for losing what he fought for so long, the young man threw the glass into the fire. Finding his feet, he walked up the stairs to the second floor one step at a time. Halting outside Hoss\u2019 room, Adam hesitated. Shouldn\u2019t his father tell the children? Shouldn\u2019t he wait? He almost turned to go and ask his father what to do.<\/p>\n

\u201cPa! I need you,\u201d he whispered. The young man remembered when Inger died. His father had reacted in much the same manner. If it hadn\u2019t been for the women in the wagon train, he wasn\u2019t sure how the twins would have survived. He\u2019d watched out for them, but they had been babes in arms. It wasn\u2019t until one of the families offered to take Emma with them on to California that Ben came out of his grief and resumed his parental responsibilities. Would his father survive Marie\u2019s loss? Adam lifted his hand, knocking on the bedroom door, and opening it without waiting for an answer. His young brothers and sister were on Hoss\u2019 bed with Emma reading to them. Hoss\u2019 face told Adam the boy suspected what he had to tell them. Hoss must have seen his step-mother in the snow, and still managed to take care of Emma and Little Joe. A new respect for Hoss\u2019 courage and strength came to Adam until the youngest of them called out.<\/p>\n

\u201cAdam!\u201d Little Joe cried. \u201cWhere\u2019s Papa? Papa and Mama home?\u201d Adam shut the door behind him. He joined the children on the bed. Taking Joe into his lap, he hugged the little boy. Joe moved restlessly.<\/p>\n

\u201cI want to go down and see Mama,\u201d he begged. \u201cLemmie go, Adam.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo, Little Joe,\u201d Adam replied. \u201cPapa and Mama need some time alone right now.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI want to see them,\u201d Joe wailed.<\/p>\n

\u201cJoe, stop it,\u201d Adam ordered. \u201cStop it right now.\u201d For once Hoss didn\u2019t chide Adam for being hard on the boy. Emma\u2019s blue eyes went from one brother to the other. Adam knew his sister couldn\u2019t miss the silent messages going between him and Hoss. God, what wouldn\u2019t he give to not cause her the pain he was about to?<\/p>\n

\u201cAdam?\u201d Emma pleaded. \u201cWhat is it? Where are Pa and Mama?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThey\u2019re downstairs, Emma.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhy did Hoss go outside? He wouldn\u2019t tell us.\u201d Emma trembled, her fear obvious. Adam wanted to take her into his arms and hug her. Instead he tried to calm Little Joe and say what he had to, hoping Emma\u2019s strength would see her through this nightmare.<\/p>\n

\u201cHoss, Emma. There\u2019s no easy way to say this. Little Joe, sit still.\u201d Little Joe wiggled trying to get out of Adam\u2019s grasp. Hoss took the little boy from his older brother.<\/p>\n

\u201cSit still, Punkin,\u201d he ordered. Somehow Little Joe listened to Hoss, and laid his head on Hoss\u2019 shoulder. Emma spoke up again.<\/p>\n

\u201cTell us, Adam. What is it?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cEmma, Marie had an accident. It looks like she fell off Whisperer. She hit the fence. She\u2026she\u2019s been outside a long time. Pa brought her in and he\u2019s with her\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAdam, was she hurt? Does she need the doctor? Why didn\u2019t you go for him? I can help Pa take care of her. I want to see her.\u201d Emma blurted. Hoss put his hand on his sister\u2019s leg. He shook his head at her. Emma\u2019s mouth opened. She put her hand to her mouth covering it with a gasp of horror. Adam gave her a silent message not to make a fuss for Little Joe\u2019s sake. Little Joe lifted his head, not truly understanding what had just transpired.<\/p>\n

\u201cEmma take care of Mama,\u201d Little Joe said. \u201cI help.\u201d Adam turned his attention to the little boy with his bright green eyes and beguiling face. Again he pulled the boy close, brushing the soft curls with his hand. Little Joe sat still for the first time, his serious green eyes on his brother, finally beginning to comprehend, perhaps from his sister\u2019s tears and Hoss who was also crying softly. Emma moved, the twins embracing each other in their grief.<\/p>\n

\u201cLittle Joe,\u201d Adam said. \u201cYour mama is sleeping. She\u2019s sleeping with the angels now. She\u2019s not going to wake up.\u201d For a few seconds all that could be heard was the twins comforting each other. Joe stared up at his brother, fat tears falling down the thin cheeks.<\/p>\n

\u201cMama always wakes up for me. Let me see, Mama, Adam. Pleassssssssse, let me see Mama.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo, Little Joe. Your mama\u2019s gone. She\u2026went to heaven.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cMama? What\u2019s heaven, Adam? Pleasssssssse. I be good. I be good. Let me see Mama.\u201d Joe\u2019s wails could be heard almost through the storm. Adam clutched Joe to him, unable to keep from crying any longer. Still he whispered to Little Joe, trying to calm him down to no avail. Ben didn\u2019t come though he couldn\u2019t have been oblivious to Joe\u2019s screams. Joe tried to get away from Adam, but the young man could not let him go. Emma and Hoss joined Adam in caring for Little Joe till he fell into an exhausted sleep against his oldest brother. They stayed together, the three brothers and sister all through the afternoon and evening. Ben never came.<\/p>\n

Chapter 3
\nTwo weeks later<\/p>\n

\u201cAdam, where did Papa go?\u201d Little Joe asked. Fear stood in the little boy\u2019s eyes. \u201cPapa promised he wouldn\u2019t go way.\u201d Hoss and Emma were silent at the breakfast table letting their oldest brother handle Little Joe\u2019s question. Ben had been gone from the ranch for a week. No one knew where he was.<\/p>\n

\u201cAdam, I want Mama and Papa,\u201d Joe went on.<\/p>\n

\u201cJoe, come here,\u201d Adam invited.<\/p>\n

\u201cNo, I want Mama and Papa.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cJoe, Papa misses Marie,\u201d Adam told his little brother. \u201cHe just went on a little vacation.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat\u2019s a vaca\u2026ca\u2026what is that?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s like Pa needed to take a rest, cause he was sad missing Mama,\u201d Hoss offered.<\/p>\n

\u201cI want Papa,\u201d Joe went on. \u201cI can go find him.\u201d Adam walked over to his little brother and took him in his arms. Hoss and Emma watched his every move. Emma had been withdrawn since Marie\u2019s death and even more so since Ben left. After Little Joe, she seemed to take Marie\u2019s death the hardest of the children. Hoss and Adam were concerned by her lack of appetite and listlessness. Adam was helpless, trying to cajole his sister to eat while Hoss tried to cheer up his brothers and sister, burying his own grief in the process. Adam walked over to the settee by the fireplace. Sitting down, he hugged Little Joe to him. Seventeen years old, he thought and I have to be a father. Hoss sat by the fireplace. Emma sat next to him.<\/p>\n

\u201cJoe, it\u2019s very cold outside. You can\u2019t go without me or Hoss or Emma, do you understand me? Pa will come home when he can.\u201d Little Joe buried his face in Adam\u2019s chest, sobbing again. He was just too little to understand. To Adam\u2019s surprise, Emma stood up. Sitting next to Joe, she pulled the little boy into her arms.<\/p>\n

\u201cWe love you, Little Joe. Pa loves ya. He\u2019ll come home. He has to. He just has to.\u201d Emma brushed the child\u2019s dark curls, her anguish as palpable as Little Joe\u2019s. A knock at the door caught Adam unaware.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ll get it,\u201d Hoss said. He ran to the door. Outside, Sheriff Roy Coffee took off his hat. He stepped into the hall shaking off the snow on his boots before entering.<\/p>\n

\u201cMr. Coffee!\u201d Adam called. \u201cWhat are you doing here? It\u2019s a long ride from town today.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI came to see how you boys were doing,\u201d the sheriff answered. \u201cAnd I\u2019ve got a telegram from your pa.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cPa!\u201d Hoss, Emma and Joe cried rushing to Adam\u2019s side. Adam took the telegram. He read it out loud.<\/p>\n

\u201cTo Adam Cartwright. Stop Virginia City Nevada. Stop
\nAdam. In San Francisco. Stop. Will be home when I can. Stop. Pa. All Stop.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat\u2019s he doing in San Francisco, Adam?\u201d Hoss asked. Emma put her arms protectively around Little Joe.<\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t know, Little Brother.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhere\u2019s Papa?\u201d Little Joe asked. Emma took him back to the fireplace and distracted her brother with his soldiers.<\/p>\n

\u201cHoss, if Pa\u2019s in San Francisco, it\u2019s going to be a long time before he gets home,\u201d Adam said.<\/p>\n

\u201cThat could pose a problem, Adam,\u201d the sheriff said.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhy\u2019s that?\u201d Adam asked.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou children are here unattended.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWe\u2019re not unattended. I\u2019m almost eighteen, Sheriff and Pa isn\u2019t dead. He\u2019ll be back.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cTrue, but it\u2019s not usually in the town board\u2019s interest to leave children alone.\u201d Adam\u2019s brown eyes so much like his father\u2019s burned fire, his face stone as he spoke.
\n\u201cThis family is not going to be separated. No one can take care of Hoss, Emma or Little Joe better than me, Sheriff.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYa caint take us from the ranch or Adam or each other,\u201d Hoss added. \u201cWe won\u2019t let ya.\u201d Roy Coffee stepped back. He knew when he was beaten.<\/p>\n

\u201cAll right. I know Ben trusts you, Adam.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cObviously he does or he wouldn\u2019t have sent the telegram,\u201d Adam snapped back. When the sheriff nodded his acquiescence, he started to leave.<\/p>\n

\u201cNo, Roy,\u201d Adam stopped him. \u201cStay and have some coffee. Warm up before you go back to town. It\u2019s the least we can do. We just finished lunch. I\u2019m sure Hop Sing can offer you a sandwich.\u201d The sheriff smiled.<\/p>\n

\u201cSounds like a plan. It is a long ride back. I gotta leave in a few hours though. I did bring some supplies out.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou did?\u201d Adam asked in surprise.<\/p>\n

\u201cWell I just asked Sam Redwood at the mercantile if ya had come in lately. When he said ya hadn\u2019t, I asked him what Ben usually got each week, and doubled the supply. He put it on your bill.\u201d Adam smiled in relief. He\u2019d been meaning to go to town as they running low on everything according to Hop Sing, flour, sugar, and other things. There was always meat in the smokehouse and canned vegetables and fruit, but the supplies Sheriff Coffee brought would save Adam a trip to town which he could ill afford right now. His brothers and sister could barely let him out of their sight, most especially Emma and Joe. Adam gave the sheriff a grateful look as he replied.<\/p>\n

\u201cPa left some money. Tell me how much the bill was and I can send the money back with ya. Hoss, get your coat and mittens and boots. We\u2019ll bring the supplies in.\u201d Hoss, eager to get out of the house went with Adam. The boys worked silently to bring the supplies into the kitchen for Hop Sing, putting the heavy flour bags in the pantry and helping to put other supplies away as Hop Sing directed them. It was something to do. Adam thought of his father. In going back to the sheriff, he had a request of the sheriff.<\/p>\n

\u201cSheriff, I\u2019d like to send a telegram back to my pa.\u201d He spoke softly so Emma and Joe playing by the fireplace didn\u2019t hear.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhatcha gonna send him, Adam?\u201d Hoss asked.<\/p>\n

\u201cSh, Hoss, not now. Sheriff, will you send it for me? Obviously I can\u2019t leave the family.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cCourse, Adam. No problem.\u201d Adam went over to his father\u2019s desk and took out paper and pencil. He started to write a quick note.<\/p>\n

\u201cTo Ben Cartwright San Francisco
\nPa\u2026.\u201d Adam looked over to Hoss and Emma and Little Joe. What those children\u2026what he was feeling right now wasn\u2019t something you could put on paper. He couldn\u2019t tell his father his concerns about Emma or Joe in a telegram. On top of that, he knew his father had to remember his children needed him sometime. No. Words were not going to bring the man home. He crumbled the paper. There were no words to send the his father. None. Anger surged through the teen.<\/p>\n

\u201cNever mind, Sheriff,\u201d he told Roy Coffee. Roy didn\u2019t argue, just gave Adam a sympathetic look. Adam didn\u2019t want his pity. After a cup of hot coffee, a sandwich and an apple and after he\u2019d warmed himself by the fire, the sheriff left. Adam was alone again.<\/p>\n

[hr]<\/p>\n

Several days passed. Hoss grew more concerned for his sister. He and Adam talked about it, but Emma refused to say how she felt. The child barely spoke isolating herself for hours on end in the empty bedroom Marie planned to decorate with her, or else caring for Little Joe. She eat less and was growing weak. Ten days after the telegram came, Emma fainted. She revived quickly enough, angrily telling her brothers to mind their own business, and then going upstairs to hide again. Adam and Hoss decided to send for the doctor the next morning. Hoss hugged Adam tight showing Adam how vulnerable the boy was, and afraid for his sister.<\/p>\n

During the night, Joe\u2019s screams woke Emma out of a dream where her father and step-mother and Adam, Hoss, and Little Joe were safe and warm in the house. Emma had been pounding on the front door forever, snow falling all around her. She was cold and wet but no one would let her in no matter how hard she pounded. Sitting straight up in bed, sweat covering her fevered brow, the little girl put her uncovered feet on the freezing floor. Her small fingers were clasping the handle when Hoss\u2019 voice reached her.<\/p>\n

\u201cEmma where ya going?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cTo check on Little Joe.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cEmmie, Adam will take care a baby Brother. He told us that.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYeah.\u201d Emma stood on the cold floor shivering. Hoss could barely see his sister.<\/p>\n

\u201cEmmie, come and rest with me,\u201d the little boy invited. Hoss didn\u2019t need to ask twice. Emma moved across the floor climbing into bed with her brother. She snuggled close, a soft presence against Hoss\u2019 large frame.<\/p>\n

\u201cEmma, won\u2019t ya talk ta me?\u201d Hoss pleaded. \u201cYa done always talked ta me afore.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m okay, Hoss.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNah yer not. Ya aint eaten more\u2019n Little Joe practically and yer way too quiet.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI miss Pa and Mama,\u201d Emma answered. \u201cI\u2019m tired, Hoss. Night.\u201d Laying her head against Hoss\u2019 broad chest, she closed her eyes shutting Hoss out. Hoss lay awake a while longer. Joe was quiet now. The little fella needed their pa and ma, he thought. But then so did he and Emma and Adam. Tears cascaded down the boy\u2019s face as he cried himself back to sleep. The world was upside down and no matter what Hoss Cartwright did, he could not make it right.<\/p>\n

Morning came quickly. Emma groaned when Hoss pestered her awake.<\/p>\n

\u201cCome on, Emmie, we gotta git up. Cow needs ta be milked and Hop Sing needs help in the kitchen.\u201d<\/p>\n

Emma moaned in reply. Hoss sat up. Emma might complain about getting up but she was never as difficult to rouse as Little Joe who used to be able to sleep through Marie tickling him or a thunderstorm. Leaving his sister in bed, Hoss got up and placed the blankets back over her. Feeling her forehead, Hoss felt a nagging worry in his stomach. Emma was burning up, her legs pulled to her chest. Her cheeks were flushed and there was sweat on her brow. Dressing fast while shivering in the cold, he ran down the hall to get Adam. Adam\u2019s room was empty. Hoss looked in on Little Joe who lay with his covers half thrown off, his thumb in his mouth and Adam lying next to him. Both of them were sound asleep. Hoss shut the door. Downstairs, he went to his father\u2019s desk and took out some paper.<\/p>\n

\u201cAdam. Emmie is sick. I am going to get the doctor. Will be back right soon.\u201d Hoss had ridden into town every day practically since he was six years old, except for winter days like this where the snow kept them inside. It was a month till Christmas. Thanksgiving\u2026well that was in a week. Hoss hadn\u2019t thought of that. At that moment it did not matter. He pulled on his heaviest coat, his boots, mittens and hat, and took one of the scarves to put over his hat. Outside he took a deep breath of cold air. In the barn, he saddled Buck, knowing Buck was the sturdiest of the horses and would do best in the snow.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou can do this, Hoss,\u201d he told himself.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019re not supposed to go into town without Adam or Pa when the snows are bad, ya know,\u201d Emma\u2019s voice told him. Hoss shook his head. He had no choice. His sister needed the doctor and Adam needed to watch Emma and Little Joe. Leading Buck out of the barn, the young boy lifted himself into the saddle. Leaving the yard, he hoped he\u2019d be home soon.<\/p>\n

Riding down towards the Virginia City Road, Hoss pulled his coat tightly around him. Cold didn\u2019t begin to describe how the wind slapped him in the face, and whipped particles of snow around him. Fortunately the sun was up and there was no sign of a storm. Keeping good control of Buck, Hoss was pleased with the progress he was making. To keep him self occupied he thought of the days right after Marie died. Pa refused to leave Marie\u2019s side, even to talk to the children or comfort them. To Hoss he seemed to be a complete stranger. He shuddered remembering when the children had gone into see Marie for the last time. His pa barely noticed the children coming into say goodbye to their mother at the behest of Dr. Martin who arrived the day after Marie\u2019s fall, when one of the ranch hands went to get him. Marie lay in bed, appearing as if she were sleeping, her face pale, but still beautiful. She wore her white nightgown, and had a blanket pulled up to her chest.<\/p>\n

\u201cMama!\u201d Little Joe cried. He pushed himself out of Adam\u2019s arms and climbed up on to the bed. Adam grabbed the little boy, pulling him back.<\/p>\n

\u201cLittle Joe, no.\u201d Adam had all he could do to hold the struggling boy.<\/p>\n

\u201cMAMA! MAMA!\u201d Little Joe\u2019s screams didn\u2019t seem to phase Ben at first. Hoss felt Emma\u2019s hand sneak into his, holding it tight.<\/p>\n

\u201cMama,\u201d she whispered. Ben suddenly stood and yelled staring at his son.<\/p>\n

\u201cGet them out, Adam. Get them out right now. Go!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cPa, they need to say goodbye.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cADAM!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cCome on, Hoss, Emma. Little Joe, it\u2019s all right, Little Buddy.\u201d Little Joe\u2019s screams echoed in the house and had many times since. Hoss was grateful Hop Sing stayed home with Little Joe for the funeral. Hoss and Emma huddled with Adam, Emma sobbing quietly, Ben far from the children. Hoss thought his father must hate them for he had been unable to even look at the children. All Ben\u2019s attention was on the casket and the open grave. Later, at home, Pa shut himself up in the bedroom he and Marie shared. Then one morning Adam opened the bedroom door to find their father gone. He\u2019d just disappeared in the night. Adam talked to Hoss about going after him. Hoss begged him not to. Emma wasn\u2019t talking much and Little Joe was either sucking his thumb or screaming for his mama or Pa. Hoss couldn\u2019t handle his brother and sister alone. So Adam had stayed. They knew now where Pa was. Hoss knew when he got to town it wasn\u2019t just the doctor he had to talk to but the sheriff too.<\/p>\n

When Hoss reached town, he felt a sense of relief. He found the doctor first, bursting into the physician\u2019s office with snow blowing around him and pulling his scarf and hat off.<\/p>\n

\u201cDoc Martin! Doc Martin!\u201d the boy cried. It was still early but Dr. Martin was already working. He came from the back of the office, running at Hoss\u2019 urgency.<\/p>\n

\u201cHoss? Boy whatcha doing in town at this hour? Nothing wrong at the house is there?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cEmma!\u201d Hoss said. \u201cShe\u2026she\u2019s got a fever and she wouldn\u2019t wake when I woke her this morning. I came for ya straight away. Then I gotta send a telegram ta my pa. I gotta git him home for Emma. She\u2019s been pining for Mama and Pa.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSmall wonder. Poor child. I\u2019ll get my bag, Hoss.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYa kin start out ta the ranch. I gotta stop at the sheriff and ask him if he knows where ta send a telegraph ta Pa.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou do that, Son. I\u2019ll wait for you.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo, Sir. Please go. Emmie\u2019s real sick. I\u2019m worried about her something bad.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAll right, Hoss. All right. You should sit down here and get warm for a while.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m fine, Sir. Pa always told me I was stronger n a ox and I bet I am.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019re more than that, Hoss. Much more,\u201d Dr. Martin told the boy. Hoss nodded. He rode Buck to the sheriff\u2019s office. Roy Coffee was just sitting down at his desk with a cup of coffee. Hoss didn\u2019t waste time. After telling the sheriff what was happening at the ranch, Roy promised to send a telegram to Ben. Hoss rode out of town hoping he\u2019d done everything he could for his family. His connection with Emma was very real and he knew she was very sick. He rode so fast he caught up with Dr. Martin. The two reached the ranch in record time with Adam rushing outside in a coat grabbing Hoss in a hug, then stepping back to make sure his little brother was all right.<\/p>\n

\u201cHoss, are you crazy?\u201d Adam chided. \u201cYou could have been hurt out there.\u201d Hoss took the reins for Dr. Martin\u2019s horse and Buck giving Adam a defiant look.<\/p>\n

\u201cDon\u2019t yell, Adam. I had to get the doc. Is Emmie all right?\u201d Adam\u2019s own worry was written across his face giving Hoss no comfort at all.<\/p>\n

\u201cShe\u2019s got a good fever going. And we kept the curtains closed. Seems like the light hurts her eyes. She says she\u2019s got a headache too. Otherwise she won\u2019t talk. Doc, I might not approve of my brother\u2019s methods, but I\u2019m glad you\u2019re here. Hop Sing and I have been trying to keep her fever down.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAll right, Adam. You and Hoss stay downstairs. I\u2019ll go check on Emma. We need to make sure what she\u2019s got isn\u2019t catching. Could just be the flu.\u201d Hoss was able to hand the horses off to a cowhand who came running from the bunkhouse, one of the two men the family kept through the winter to help out on the ranch. The family had gone into the house together. Hoss took off his coat and boots. Adam spoke up.<\/p>\n

\u201cDoc, I have to be with my sister. She\u2019s scared and alone.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAdam, if you get sick too,\u201d Dr. Martin protested. \u201cWhat will the children do?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cDoc, I don\u2019t plan to get sick,\u201d Adam answered. He turned to Hoss. \u201cLittle Brother, just stay down here for me, all right?\u201d Hoss nodded in benumbed confusion. He watched the doctor and his older brother go upstairs. Sitting down near the roaring fire, he shivered trying to get warm. He didn\u2019t even think of eating. All he could think of was his twin, trying to send her his strength and pray that his father would get the telegram to come home. Finally he raised his eyes heavenward.<\/p>\n

\u201cPlease Mama, maybe you and my ma and Adam\u2019s ma kin talk ta God and tell im that we need Emmie. She\u2019s part a me. I need her, and Adam does and Little Joe and Pa. Please help us. Oh please!\u201d For the first time since Marie\u2019s death, the boy put his head in his hands and sobbed. He just didn\u2019t know how much more he could take.<\/p>\n

Chapter 4<\/p>\n

Ben Cartwright rode into the yard surprised to find Dr. Martin\u2019s buggy there. Drifts of snow lay everywhere and the wind was cold. He\u2019d expected the children to be out playing. There was a definite lack of activity in the normally busy yard even in the winter. Dismounting the horse he\u2019d rented from the livery in town, he stood next to the horse, wondering if he could face the children he let down after his wife\u2019s death. Ben could scarcely remember those days. They were a fog in his mind. At the same time he remembered Little Joe calling for him, and Emma knocking on his bedroom door telling him she was sorry for being bad. He let them down, badly. The father wondered if he could ever make it up to them or if they would ever trust him again. He took the horse into the barn, settling him for the night, making sure he was brushed and had grain. Coming outside he made his way back to the house, wondering why the stalls weren\u2019t cleaned. His alarm grew. Something was wrong. The barn had never looked so bad.
\nThrowing open the front door, the man called out to his family.<\/p>\n

\u201cAdam! Hoss! Emma! Joseph! Hop Sing!\u201d Ben was almost up the stairs before he found himself falling back on the stairs as his normally placid son, Hoss attacked him.<\/p>\n

\u201cDamn you!\u201d Hoss hollered, pushing Ben back on the stairs. Ben would have fallen if he hadn\u2019t grabbed a rail. After recovering the father\u2019s natural instinct was to pull Hoss into his arms. Hoss kept on beating him on the back. Ben saw Adam at the top of the stairs. Emma and Little Joe were missing.<\/p>\n

\u201cYer a coward, a stinking coward,\u201d Hoss yelled. Ben had never seen his son so upset. \u201cWhere were you? Where? Where? We needed you!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHoss, Hoss! I\u2019m sorry, Son. I\u2019m sorry. I was a coward. You\u2019re right. Now tell me, where are your brother and sister?\u201d Hoss was sobbing. Adam leaned against the wall.<\/p>\n

\u201cLittle Joe\u2019s sleeping. Emma\u2026Doc is with her,\u201d Adam ground out. \u201cIf you give a damn.\u201d Ben closed his eyes for a split second. Then he looked up at Hoss who barred his way.<\/p>\n

\u201cHoss, I have to see your sister. Will you come with me?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cDoc won\u2019t let him in,\u201d Adam told him in a stone cold voice. \u201cEmma\u2019s got Meningitis.\u201d Ben\u2019s face turned white. Hoss moved seeing his father\u2019s reaction. Ben raced up the stairs to Hoss and Emma\u2019s room. Throwing open the door, he saw Dr. Martin sitting on the side of the child\u2019s bed. At first he could barely make out Emma\u2019s form on the bed. Dr. Martin looked up.<\/p>\n

\u201cBen. Thank God. How did you get here so quickly? Hoss only sent the telegram five days ago.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI left San Francisco the same day I sent that damned telegram to Adam,\u201d Ben replied. He sat down on Emma\u2019s bed, tentatively touching the child\u2019s forehead which burned hot beneath his palm. \u201cEmmie? Emmie, Sweetheart. Papa\u2019s here.\u201d Emma didn\u2019t respond. She didn\u2019t resemble the child Ben had seen last, at least in his mind. Limp hair was spread out on her pillow, the emaciated face shallow with an unhealthy flush in the normally pink cheeks. Ben\u2019s heart ran cold at the sight of his only daughter.<\/p>\n

\u201cDear God in heaven, what have I done?\u201d he muttered. \u201cPaul?\u201d Dr. Martin spoke, his own voice heavy, imparting grave news to his old friend.<\/p>\n

\u201cShe\u2019s very sick, Ben. Adam and Hoss tell me she\u2019s been pining away\u2026not eating, not talking much. She\u2019s lost weight and was weak to begin with. She\u2019s got all the signs and symptoms of brain fever. The fancy term for it is Meningitis.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHow did she get that?\u201d Ben demanded.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ve had a few cases in town. Emma\u2019s been weakening each day. Ben\u2026you must be prepared. Emma has slipped into a coma. I just told Hoss and Adam they might want to say goodbye to her. She just doesn\u2019t have the strength to fight the disease.\u201d Each word was a dagger in Ben\u2019s heart. If Emma died, he knew he would have been instrumental in her death by his own selfish acts. He thought of how Inger had cherished the baby, both babies, then of the years in between where Emma strove to keep up with Hoss. The twins were always together. When Hoss learned farm chores, Emma was right beside him. When he learned to ride, so did she. She loved to help Hop Sing in the kitchen and when Little Joe was born, she was a good little mother except when her jealousy came out. Sometimes she couldn\u2019t understand that Ben and Marie didn\u2019t love the little boy more than her, but she always got over it. Ben couldn\u2019t find any words for the devastation or guilt he felt. Unable to resist, the father pulled his little girl into his arms, hugging her close. Her body was completely limp and terribly hot. Ben closed his eyes for a moment pretending Emma was merely asleep until he had to face reality once again.<\/p>\n

\u201cEmma! Emma, Baby,\u201d Ben tried in vain. His eyes met the physician in a paternal fear.<\/p>\n

\u201cPlease Emma. Please wake up for Papa,\u201d Ben pleaded. Dr. Martin\u2019s expression showed his compassion for the grieving father. Ben hugged his daughter again, silently praying until the doctor opened the bedroom door and looked back.<\/p>\n

\u201cBen\u2026I\u2019m real sorry. You know Emma stole my heart from the first time I saw her.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIsn\u2019t there anything?\u201d Ben begged. \u201cFor God\u2019s sake, Paul. She\u2019s my baby.\u201d Ben clutched the blanket that covered Emma with his hand, his eyes narrowed, his face screwed up in agony. Paul shook his head.<\/p>\n

\u201cBen, meningitis is almost always fatal. Her fever\u2019s been high. All we can do is keep it down with cool water. If it goes any higher, we could try some ice. That\u2019s all I know to do. There is nothing else.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThen we\u2019ll try the ice,\u201d Ben decided. \u201cAdam and Hoss can get it from the icehouse.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOne thing, Ben. When the boys come in to say good bye to Emma\u2026well I am concerned that they might get Meningitis from her.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThey have to see her,\u201d Ben answered. \u201cI won\u2019t put them through what I did with Marie. I forgot what she taught us. We\u2019re a family. If Emma lives or \u2026dies the boys will be here if they want to be.\u201d Ben felt the doctor\u2019s hand on his shoulder again.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ll get them, Ben. I\u2019ll come back in the morning. God speed my friend.\u201d The physician left the room. Ben took off his boots and coat which he had neglected to do when he came home. With a heavy heart he saw that Emma\u2019s gown was soaked. He thought again of Marie\u2019s words. Emma was becoming a young woman. Of course she was, but she was till his baby. He heard the boys come into the room. Without looking up, he spoke.<\/p>\n

\u201cAdam, get me some clean sheets will you? Hoss, I need some clean water. Where is Hop Sing?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHe\u2019s sitting with Little Joe,\u201d Hoss shot at his father with anger. \u201cPoor little tyke cried himself to sleep because you weren\u2019t here and he couldn\u2019t see Emma or his mama.\u201d Ben closed his eyes, hearing Hoss\u2019 bitterness. He\u2019d never heard that tone from Hoss before and he didn\u2019t like hearing it now.<\/p>\n

\u201cHoss, please do as I say,\u201d Ben ordered softly. \u201cAnd stop in Little Joe\u2019s room to tell Hop Sing I am home. Don\u2019t tell Little Joe yet. I need to stay with your sister and he shouldn\u2019t come in here.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYa let us in here,\u201d Hoss reminded him as Adam stood by.<\/p>\n

\u201cYes, I did, Hoss. Don\u2019t make me regret it,\u201d Ben snapped. \u201cNow go.\u201d Hoss turned on his heels. Adam sat on the bed touching Emma\u2019s wet hair, hair dampened by fever. Gradually he let his eyes meet his father\u2019s. Adam couldn\u2019t miss the regret, and grief in his father\u2019s eyes. His anger was still there but his voice was a little warmer than it had been.<\/p>\n

\u201cHoss was just stating a fact, Pa,\u201d Adam defended his brother. Ben didn\u2019t answer. He had no answer because he understood his sons\u2019 anger. When Hoss came back with soap, hot water and cloths, they washed Emma down and changed her sheets. Ben stood near the bed, holding his angel, now dry and covered with a clean gown, her hair cleanly damp in his arms, gazing into her flushed face, and seeing the pallor within. Her face was soft and innocent. Eleven years old, Ben thought and I\u2019ve put her through hell. Dear God forgive me.<\/p>\n

\u201cEmma, Emma,\u201d he whispered.<\/p>\n

\u201cBed\u2019s ready, Pa,\u201d Adam told him. Ben turned to his sons. Hoss\u2019 face remained stormy, his blue eyes blazing with his own torment. Adam was unreadable, much like his father could be. Ben recognized both the expressions in his sons and knew that whether Emma lived or died, his relationship with his sons had been irrevocably altered. He got into the bed, leaning against the headboard.<\/p>\n

\u201cPa, whatcha doing?\u201d Hoss asked with a bit of resentment.<\/p>\n

\u201cHoss, I may have been away, but I\u2019m home now. I won\u2019t leave your sister and I won\u2019t leave you again. I promise.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYeah, right,\u201d Hoss scuffed. Ben didn\u2019t bother to defend himself. Instead he held Emma in his lap.<\/p>\n

\u201cHoss, I need you and Adam to get some ice from the ice house right now. I want to use the ice to bring down Emma\u2019s fever. Dr. Martin said it might help.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cDoc says she\u2019s dying,\u201d Hoss fought back. Ben\u2019s chocolate colored eyes met Hoss\u2019 blue ones, Emma\u2019s eyes. The twins both had sandy colored hair, and shared those eyes, their mother\u2019s eyes.<\/p>\n

\u201cHoss, I\u2019m going to do everything possible for your sister. I\u2019m not giving up on her. Are you?\u201d Hoss leaned over in answer, kissing his sister\u2019s hot brow, the cool bath no longer having an effect on the fever.<\/p>\n

\u201cWe\u2019ll go, Pa,\u201d Adam promised. Together the boys left the room. Ben clutched his daughter to him feeling as if he closed his eyes, she\u2019d disappear as quickly as Marie had. Thoughts of Emma\u2019s laughter and her mischievous impishness came back to him. Hoss was so quiet and placid usually. Emma on the other hand often got her brother in trouble. She liked to play in the hay, sliding down the haystacks until they had to be restacked which often infuriated Ben and Adam. She\u2019d jump from the hayloft just for the fun of it, even breaking her arm when she was six years old. She loved to walk or ride on the ranch, enjoy solitary time which Marie said was perfectly normal for a growing girl like Emma. Ben had to admit, he never understood his complex daughter. Before Marie came there was little time to spend with Emma for they had cattle to buy and raise and sell at Market. They had built first a small house and after Marie arrived, this one. Emma had proved time and again she was her father\u2019s child, hot with his temper, caring with animals, and adoring of her papa and her brothers, all except Little Joe whom she had a love\/hate relationship with. All Ben wanted was his daughter back and his family as whole as it could be given the circumstances. Ben couldn\u2019t bear the thought of losing his little daughter not now, not ever.<\/p>\n

\u201cPlease, God,\u201d he prayed. \u201cPlease save my baby.\u201d His arms never rested, only holding the child as close as possible and praying all the while for her to wake and the fever to break. Emma continued to suffer and Ben continued his own self-inflicted guilt.<\/p>\n

\u201cPa, we got the ice,\u201d Adam said an hour later, lugging in a bucket of ice with Hoss behind him. \u201cWe\u2019ve got more in the kitchen. We brought a slicker. We figured if we put it on the bed, and put ice around Emma, when it melted, it\u2019d be easier to clean up.\u201d Ben nodded in silence. Standing, he held his daughter while Hoss and Adam got the bed ready.<\/p>\n

\u201cWe\u2019ll keep her gown on so the ice doesn\u2019t hurt her skin,\u201d Ben told them. She was hot, so hot. Ben was relieved in a way that she couldn\u2019t feel what was happening. It was hard for him to put the child back on the bed. With his sons he put the ice around her and on top of her small self. Hoss brought another bucket of ice to complete the job. Emma was so tiny under the ice, so helpless, Ben thought his heart would break. Hoss pulled a chair close to his sister, shunning his father. Ben took Hoss\u2019 actions to heart, but managed to hold his own as he looked to Adam. Adam could not meet his father\u2019s eyes.<\/p>\n

\u201cAdam, could you check on Little Joe?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHe\u2019s in the kitchen with Hop Sing. He knows Emma is sick and he can\u2019t come up here. I didn\u2019t tell him you were home yet if that\u2019s what you\u2019re worried about.\u201d Adam\u2019s bitterness hung in the air. Hoss sent his father the same stinging look. Ben sighed.<\/p>\n

\u201cBoys, I owe you a huge apology. I don\u2019t blame you for being angry. I guess I have no idea what\u2019s been going on here since\u2026since Marie died.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYa sure don\u2019t!\u201d Hoss chided.<\/p>\n

\u201cI came home, Hoss because I missed you children. I\u2019m not even sure when or how I left. When I got to San Francisco, I sent that telegram. As soon as I sent it, I knew I belonged at home. It was as if each one of you was calling me, asking me where I was, and I realized that all I was doing was running away. I couldn\u2019t face Marie being gone so I couldn\u2019t face being in the house or seeing you. There\u2019s no excuse.\u201d Ben\u2019s eyes went to Emma whose laborious breaths cut him to the quick. \u201cI promise I\u2019ll never leave you again.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cTell that ta her,\u201d Hoss went on. \u201cOr Baby Brother. He\u2019s one confused little fella and if Emmie don\u2019t\u2026iffn\u2026\u201d Hoss couldn\u2019t get out the words. Ben\u2019s hand touched the boy\u2019s shoulder. Hoss shook him off.<\/p>\n

\u201cDon\u2019t touch me,\u201d he ordered. He leaned over the bed, kissing Emma\u2019s cheek and talking to her in his gentle way. Ben waited for his oldest son\u2019s reply. Adam avoided acknowledging the apology, a tact that usually worked for him.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ll check downstairs with Hop Sing. Then I\u2019m going to come and sit with Emma,\u201d he told his father.<\/p>\n

\u201cWe\u2019ll all sit with Emma,\u201d Ben answered. \u201cFor as long as it takes.\u201d Adam closed his eyes. When he opened them again, he spoke with distant manners to his father.<\/p>\n

\u201cPa, do you want some coffee, something to eat. Hop Sing made chicken for dinner.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cCoffee will be fine,\u201d Ben answered. \u201cBring some milk and something easy for Hoss, and make sure you eat something. We won\u2019t do your sister much good if we don\u2019t eat.\u201d Adam nodded quickly carrying out his father\u2019s orders. Ben touched Emma\u2019s forehead. It seemed a little cooler. He dared to hope.<\/p>\n

\u201cEmmie,\u201d Hoss\u2019 pleaded, talking more than he ever had before. Ben hated hearing his son\u2019s pain. Believing he had caused much of the boy\u2019s anguish, the father in Ben wished he could soothe Hoss. Always before Hoss responded to Ben\u2019s support and love. Now the boy didn\u2019t trust him. Ben watched his children, Hoss holding his sister\u2019s hand and Emma\u2019s pale face unresponsive, sleeping like a fairy princess, just waiting to be awakened.<\/p>\n

\u201cHoss, let\u2019s get the ice off her. It\u2019s melting now and she\u2019s been under it long enough,\u201d Ben decided after checking his daughter again. She did feel cooler. Ben prayed her temperature would stay down. Hoss didn\u2019t answer. He simply pulled off as much of the ice as he could and then lifted Emma in his strong arms. Although only eleven, he was big, and carrying Emma was no problem. Ben finished taking the ice off the bed and changed the sheets again. Next they changed Emma\u2019s gown and then put her back to bed. Hoss kept talking to his sister, refusing to give up on her. Adam came back with the food, including coffee and milk. Hoss refused nourishment.<\/p>\n

\u201cHoss, you have to eat,\u201d Ben chided.<\/p>\n

\u201cNaw I don\u2019t. I don\u2019t need nuthin ceptin Emma,\u201d Hoss retorted.<\/p>\n

\u201cHoss, I won\u2019t tell you again. Drink that milk and take the biscuits. I know you\u2019re angry with me, but that\u2019s no reason to hurt yourself. You can\u2019t help Emma if you get sick.\u201d Hoss shot his father an angry look. Ben\u2019s compassion and love for his son was reflected in his brown eyes. Hoss picked up the glass of milk.<\/p>\n

\u201cPa,\u201d Adam said. \u201cLittle Joe is still asking for you and Marie. Maybe you could go down and see him? I can stay with Emma and Hoss.\u201d Ben was torn. He knew his baby did need him, but so did his baby girl.<\/p>\n

\u201cPa, we\u2019ll take care of Emma,\u201d Adam went on. Ben stood. Taking a few steps, he leaned down and kissed his little girl\u2019s forehead. She remained unresponsive. Adam and Hoss watched his every move. Ben placed his hand on Hoss\u2019 shoulder with a strong clasp. Hoss didn\u2019t pull away, but met Ben\u2019s gaze defensively so unlike the boy that Ben cringed inside while showing his paternal empathy on the outside.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ll leave your sister to you, Hoss and Adam, but I\u2019ll just be downstairs. As soon as I talk to Joseph, I\u2019ll come back up. If her fever starts to rise, come and get me.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYa hurt that little fella and I\u2019ll give ya what fer,\u201d Hoss threatened.<\/p>\n

\u201cHoss,\u201d Ben chided, his tone firm. \u201cYou know I would never intentionally hurt your brother or you or Adam and Emma.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYeah?\u201d Hoss challenged, again so unlike himself, Ben was shocked as he spoke. \u201cProve it!\u201d Ben moved to his son. Taking him by the arm, he swatted Hoss\u2019s backside. Then he pulled his son close hugging him tightly. Hoss stiffened, not at all hurt by the swat, tears again coming to his eyes just the same.<\/p>\n

\u201cI love you, Hoss. I love you,\u201d Ben assured him. Hoss couldn\u2019t help returning his father\u2019s hug. Ben spoke words from his heart that he hoped Hoss could not ignore.<\/p>\n

\u201cI know I hurt you, Hoss. I was very sad and confused. I promise I\u2019ll never hurt you like that again. I promise, Son.\u201d Hoss pulled away. His gaze met his father\u2019s with complete vulnerability.<\/p>\n

\u201cI thought ya was never coming back. I thought ya didn\u2019t care.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI was wrong, Hoss. I made a huge mistake giving into how sad I felt losing Marie. I should never have left, and I\u2019ll spend the rest of my life proving that to you.\u201d Hoss looked to Emma lying as still as death in her bed.<\/p>\n

\u201cHow will ya prove to her iffn\u2026iffn\u2026\u201d Hoss threw himself against his father and sobbed. Ben comforted his son, his eyes going to Adam who gave his father a more empathetic look, perhaps able to put aside his own anger understanding the pain his father was feeling. Ben stepped away from his boy and put his hands on Hoss\u2019 strong shoulders.<\/p>\n

\u201cEmma is going to wake up soon, Hoss. You keep talking to her, Son. You\u2019re the one that always gets through to her. Keep talking to her. The rest is up to God.\u201d Hoss took his sister\u2019s hand again, stroking it gently, his blue eyes going to his father, his words cutting through Ben\u2019s soul as the boy\u2019s passion was given loud and clear.<\/p>\n

\u201cEmmie\u2019s my twin, Pa. She\u2019s hurting and I\u2019m hurting with her.\u201d Adam stepped forward. He slung an easy arm around Hoss\u2019 back.<\/p>\n

\u201cGo on, Pa. Hoss and I will take care of Emma.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI could only leave her with her brothers,\u201d Ben told his sons. Leaving the room, the father took one last look at Adam comforting his brother as the two sat down, Hoss on Emma\u2019s bed and Adam sitting near by in the lamplight. Night had come. Ben shut the door behind him, his last vision of Emma, her small chest rising and falling and prayed that when he came back she might wake to know her father had finally come home and he would have a second chance with all his children.<\/p>\n

Chapter 5<\/p>\n

Downstairs Ben stepped into the Great Room, his mind stumbling against the memories that assaulted him. MARIE! His silent scream did nothing to assuage his emotions. At the bottom of the stairs, he could almost smell her perfume. If he closed his eyes, he could see her sitting on the settee with Joseph in her arms when he was a baby. Hoss and Emma would be on the floor playing cards or another game. He and Adam might be at the desk working on numbers or Ben might be sitting next to her while Adam sat by the fire reading a story. They had been so happy. How could this have happened? How could Marie have left them so suddenly, so quickly? MARIE! He screamed again, only this time the word came out softly.<\/p>\n

\u201cMarie.\u201d Stepping down into the room, Ben\u2019s eyes widened at the sight of Hop Sing coming out of the kitchen with a wiggling Little Joe in his arms.<\/p>\n

\u201c#3 son eat supper,\u201d Hop Sing was saying. \u201cHop Sing get supper.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo,\u201d Little Joe objected. \u201cMe see Hoss and Emma and Adam. Where are they?\u201d Hop Sing didn\u2019t answer. Instead the Chinaman\u2019s Cantonese eyes met his boss\u2019. At the same time Little Joe wiggled down. He ran towards the stairs, stopping short of his father. Ben felt time freeze. Seconds ticked by in an amazing tableau. Finally Little Joe rubbed his eyes, apparently not sure he was really seeing his father or so Ben thought.<\/p>\n

\u201cJoseph,\u201d he breathed. The curly haired little boy with unusually sad green eyes peeping out stepped back a few feet. Ben knelt in front of the child.<\/p>\n

\u201cJoseph? It\u2019s me, Papa. Your papa is home.\u201d Hop Sing came to stand behind the child.<\/p>\n

\u201cLil Joe, Father home,\u201d Hop Sing urged the child. \u201cYou ask for father and here he is.\u201d Little Joe looked back at Hop Sing then at Ben his confusion evident. Ben\u2019s heart broke, knowing his betrayal of his own responsibilities was complete. Joseph had lost his mother in the blink of an eye and in that moment, his father had left him. Ben prayed he could make amends with all his children, but most especially this precious little boy that was all he had left of Marie.<\/p>\n

\u201cJoseph, Papa loves you.\u201d More seconds passed. Ben held back the urge to scoop the tot into his arms. Patiently he waited until at long last Little Joe walked to him.<\/p>\n

\u201cPapa?\u201d he asked. \u201cPapa? You went away. You and Mama went away. Where\u2019s Mama? Where is she? Where is she?\u201d Little Joe threw himself at Ben sobbing and wailing. In relief, thanking God, Ben scooped Little Joe up, hugging him close.<\/p>\n

\u201cOh, Papa! Papa! Tell me ya won\u2019t never go way no more. Tell me Papa. Pleasssse, Papa. Please. I want Mama. I want Mama.\u201d Ben brushed the curly hair, nodding to Hop Sing who made a discrete retreat. Sitting down on the leather chair near the roaring fire, he spoke soothingly to the hysterical child until at last he fell asleep. Ben was further relieved not to have to explain about Marie. Obviously Little Joe still didn\u2019t understand about his mother. Ben wasn\u2019t surprised. Hop Sing came out of the kitchen again.<\/p>\n

\u201cI take #3 son,\u201d he offered. \u201cI put him to bed. Missy Emma need you, Mistah Cartlight.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThank-you, Hop Sing, but I\u2019ll take him up. He can sleep in my bed.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cGood boy. He good boy. Miss papa and mama velly much. So do sons and daughter.\u201d Hop Sing\u2019s words were quickly taken to heart. Ben nodded again and then took Little Joe up to bed. Ben knew his little boy would sleep through the night. The child was exhausted. What he didn\u2019t know as he placed the child in his bed, in the bed he had shared with Marie, were the night terrors that haunted the house. Those he would learn about soon enough. Ben undressed the little boy, leaving him in his t-shirt and underpants, then pulled the warm quilts over his boy. His hand ruffled the soft curly hair again. How he had missed this boy. How he had missed all his children. He bent down kissing the little boy just as Hoss\u2019 scream raced through the house.<\/p>\n

\u201cEmma! Emmie! Emmie, No! Pa! PA!\u201d<\/p>\n

[hr]<\/p>\n

In Hoss and Emma\u2019s room, Hoss had been wiping his sister\u2019s forehead with a cool cloth. He looked towards the door, hearing his father\u2019s voice and footsteps. Adam opened the door a crack, then turned with a smile to Hoss.<\/p>\n

\u201cPa\u2019s going into his and Marie\u2026his room with Little Joe. I think Little Joe was sleeping. His head was resting on Pa\u2019s shoulder.\u201d Adam shut the door. He sat on the other side of the bed. Hoss held his sister\u2019s hand after changing the cloth on her forehead.<\/p>\n

\u201cAt least the little fella aint screaming no more,\u201d Hoss mumbled. \u201cThink he\u2019s glad Pa came home?\u201d Adam sighed.<\/p>\n

\u201cIf he wasn\u2019t he probably wouldn\u2019t have fallen asleep. He\u2019d still be screaming. You know Joe.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYeah. He\u2019s so little. You and Emma don\u2019t always git that, Adam. Ya think he should have more sense n he does.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHoss, you\u2019re too young to understand.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI am not,\u201d Hoss objected. \u201cBut I don\u2019t want ta argue. I just want Emmie ta wake up.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSo do I, Hoss.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAdam\u2026I need her. I caint lose her. I know how ya feel bout her, but ya know what I\u2019m saying.\u201d Adam nodded.<\/p>\n

\u201cI know, Hoss. I\u2019ve known since you and Emma were babies. You two never could stand to be separated. For awhile on the wagon, train after Inger died, a family took Emma for Pa and me. We couldn\u2019t take care of both of you. You cried all the time. I told Pa you were crying for her. You didn\u2019t stop crying till she came back. Hoss, I\u2019ve never seen you upset since then, until now.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAdam, I caint explain about Emma and me. Even when she\u2019s moody, I know I kin reach her. She caint hide nuthin from me, anymore than I kin hide something from you I reckon. But there\u2019s something else, something inside that keeps us\u2026closelike. Without her, I aint sure I know just who I am sometimes.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHoss, without you and Emma and Little Joe, this family wouldn\u2019t be a family. We\u2019ll get through this, Little Brother. We will.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cMama\u2019s gone, Adam. And now Emma.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHoss, don\u2019t borrow trouble. Answer me another question. You\u2019re pretty mad at Pa, aren\u2019t you?\u201d Hoss changed the cloth on Emma\u2019s forehead, rinsing the cloth in the cool water basin. He was just a little boy doing a man\u2019s job.<\/p>\n

\u201cEmma was pining for him,\u201d Hoss admitted. \u201cIffn she hadn\u2019t she might not be sick. Pa should have been here.\u201d Adam\u2019s brown eyes reflected his emotions for Hoss.<\/p>\n

\u201cLittle Brother, I\u2019m not going to make excuses for Pa. I wasn\u2019t too happy he left either. I remember though after Inger died how hard Pa took it. Pa\u2019s a man who loves fiercely. If the accident happened to one of us, he\u2019d have reacted the same I think.\u201d Hoss gazed over at his brother, an unspoken question resting between them. If their sister died, how would their Pa react? Hoss\u2019 gaze went back to his sister.<\/p>\n

\u201cDo ya reckon he\u2019ll run off again iffn Emma\u2026if\u2026?\u201d Hoss couldn\u2019t go on. Tears hid behind his blue orbs just waiting to be released for the little boy who was so terribly frightened.<\/p>\n

\u201cNo, Hoss. I think Pa\u2019s learned running away won\u2019t solve his problems.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThink it\u2019s a lesson he outta learned a long time ago,\u201d Hoss chided.<\/p>\n

Adam chuckled just as Emma gave a soft moan, alerting both brothers to her. They watched the little girl gasp a laborious breath and then it seemed as if she stopped breathing altogether. Adam took his sister\u2019s hand searching frantically for a pulse while Hoss lifted the little girl hugging her to him, and screaming in agony.<\/p>\n

\u201cEmma! Emmie! Emmie, No! Pa! PA!\u201d<\/p>\n

Chapter 6<\/p>\n

Ben burst into his children\u2019s room. Hoss was sobbing, holding his twin to him while Adam threw his father a despairing look. Shock riveted through the man.<\/p>\n

\u201cAdam?\u201d he choked out.<\/p>\n

\u201cShe\u2026she\u2019s gone, Pa.\u201d Adam barely got the words out. He moved over to the other side of the bed, putting his arms around Hoss.<\/p>\n

\u201cNO!\u201d Ben screamed. Moving in front of Hoss, he tried to take his daughter back from his son. Hoss was strong. Ben couldn\u2019t take his daughter from Hoss without Hoss\u2019 say so.<\/p>\n

\u201cLeave her alone,\u201d Hoss ordered in a tormented cry.<\/p>\n

\u201cHoss, let me be sure, please, Son. Hoss, please!\u201d Ben\u2019s voice reflected his grief. He begged for his son to listen. Gently, Hoss released his sister to his father.<\/p>\n

\u201cPa, I couldn\u2019t find a pulse,\u201d Adam told him. \u201cShe just stopped breathing.\u201d Ben leaned down, listening to Emma\u2019s chest, then placed his hand on her neck searching for a pulse. For a few seconds he thought Adam was right. His mind protested. No! No! Emma! Again Ben searched for a pulse, then listened to Emma\u2019s chest. She breathed, her chest moving softly. She was alive! Ben thanked God then turned to his sons letting them know their sister was still with them.<\/p>\n

\u201cEmma is breathing. Her fever\u2019s broken. That\u2019s why you thought she stopped breathing.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBut I couldn\u2019t find a pulse,\u201d Adam insisted.<\/p>\n

\u201cSometimes when you\u2019re excited, Son, that happens. That\u2019s not unusual. Emma\u2019s better. I hope\u2026I think she\u2019s going to be all right.\u201d Hoss sat in stunned silence as a smile appeared on both Ben and Adam\u2019s faces.<\/p>\n

\u201cI thought\u2026\u201d Hoss whispered. \u201cI thought\u2026Oh, Pa.\u201d Hoss fell into Ben\u2019s arms releasing his pent up worry and grief. Ben\u2019s heart swelled with joy while Hoss\u2019s strong arms encircled his father. The boy was quick to recover. After a few minutes, Ben let his son go. The two faced each other.<\/p>\n

\u201cI love you, Son,\u201d he said heartfully. \u201cI\u2019m sorry. I\u2019m so sorry.\u201d Hoss nodded. Ben kissed Hoss\u2019 forehead then resumed his care for Emma. Adam put his hands on Hoss\u2019 shoulder giving the boy silent support.<\/p>\n

Ben gently checked his daughter over. She didn\u2019t respond to his moving her small body. Ben sighed realizing she was soaked in sweat and she had wet the bed. He turned to his oldest son.<\/p>\n

\u201cAdam,\u201d he started. Adam held his hands up in mock surrender causing Ben and Hoss to smile.<\/p>\n

\u201cI know, Pa. Clean sheets, and a new gown. I think we\u2019ll have to use one of Hoss\u2019 gowns. We\u2019ve gone through Emma\u2019s. Thank goodness for Hop Sing. Otherwise we\u2019d be out of sheets too.\u201d Adam leaned over planting a kiss on Emma\u2019s cheek. \u201cBut you\u2019re definitely worth it Little Sister.\u201d Adam hurried away. Hoss sat on the bed watching his father cuddle Emma close. When their eyes met, Hoss looked down.<\/p>\n

\u201cReckon I\u2019ll git some sleep if, iffn ya can take care a Sis.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cShe\u2019s safe, Hoss. I think she\u2019ll be just fine.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYeah?\u201d Hoss didn\u2019t sound convinced, nor did he give Ben a hug as he usually did before going to bed. Ben observed his son, apologizing to him and Inger for his neglect till Adam came back with the linens they needed to care for Emma. After Emma had been cleaned and the bed made yet again, Ben sat in bed, holding his daughter. Adam left his father and sister alone without a word to get some much needed sleep. It was hours later that Ben was startled awake by Little Joe\u2019s screams. Ben was torn between staying with Emma and going to Joe. In a minute, Adam opened the door a crack.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ll get him, Pa. This is pretty normal for him.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhen he\u2019s settled a little bring him in here, Adam. He can sleep with Emma and me.\u201d Adam flashed his father a grateful smile. In a short time Adam returned with a very sleepy Little Joe. Placing his little brother next to Ben, Little Joe moved his small arm over Ben\u2019s chest resting his head in the crock of Ben\u2019s arm. Adam stood nearby for several minutes.<\/p>\n

\u201cLooks good, Pa,\u201d Adam complimented. Ben\u2019s rough fingers went through Joe\u2019s soft curl, his kiss on Emma\u2019s forehead mute testimony to his love for his children as he spoke from the depths of his heart.<\/p>\n

\u201cAll the way from San Francisco I could feel how wrong it was that I wasn\u2019t here. I owe you more than I can say, Adam. You stepped in and cared for your brothers and Emma. What would they have done without you? God Forgive me.\u201d Tears fell down Ben\u2019s cheeks. Adam slipped from the room. There were no words for the emotions either he or his father felt at that moment, and while Adam felt sorry for his father, he wasn\u2019t quite sure if he was ready to forgive and trust him again. Ben watched the bedroom door close then held his children close and prayed that what he had torn asunder, somehow he could put back together again.<\/p>\n

[hr]<\/p>\n

Adam opened Hoss\u2019 bedroom door, sneaking a peak at his father and brothers and sister. Little Joe had pushed off his blankets, his little head resting on Ben\u2019s chest, his thumb in his mouth. Emma rested in the crock of her father\u2019s arm and Ben\u2019s chocolate colored eyes moved to his oldest son.<\/p>\n

\u201cMorning, Pa,\u201d Adam greeted. \u201cHow\u2019s Emma.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cShe slept through the night,\u201d Ben answered. \u201cSo did your brother.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI can take him, Pa. Didja sleep?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cEnough. It\u2019s enough being here with them. Adam\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cDon\u2019t Pa,\u201d the young man answered. \u201cWe can talk later. I\u2019m not saying I\u2019m not hurt or angry. But I know you were hurting. Probably understand better than the little ones. I love you, Pa.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI love you too, Son.\u201d Adam scooped up a sleeping Little Joe. After he left, Ben saw that Hoss too was awake.<\/p>\n

\u201cPa? Wow, the sun\u2019s up. Emmie? Emmie, are ya awake?\u201d Hoss was out of bed quickly, padding over the cold floor to sit on the bed.<\/p>\n

\u201cSh, Hoss. She still needs her sleep,\u201d Ben chided.<\/p>\n

\u201cBut the fever\u2019s over with, Pa. Ya said so. Won\u2019t she wake up soon?\u201d As if in answer to her brother\u2019s question, Emma\u2019s blue eyes flickered open. She didn\u2019t move from Ben\u2019s embrace, only opened her eyes.<\/p>\n

\u201cHey, Sis,\u201d the boy cried. \u201cYa are awake. Ya gotta git up. Little Joe wants ya ta read ta him.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHoss!\u201d Ben chuckled. \u201cGo on downstairs and get some breakfast. I\u2019m sure Hop Sing is ready for you and we don\u2019t want him going back to China do we.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSure don\u2019t, Pa,\u201d Hoss leaned across the bed, kissing Emma\u2019s cheek. She blinked her eyes as if in recognition. Hoss\u2019 blue eyes rested on his father again.<\/p>\n

\u201cPa, ya won\u2019t go away again, will ya? I mean, well, it were right horrid ta have you gone and Ma too.\u201d Ben\u2019s hand ruffled through Hoss\u2019 sandy colored hair.<\/p>\n

\u201cNo, Son. I won\u2019t go away again. We\u2019ll have a talk when Emma\u2019s better. And whatever you want to say to me, you can. I promise.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOkay, Pa.\u201d Hoss\u2019 placid emotions took over. He patted Emma\u2019s arm. Then he whispered in her ear bringing another smile to the child\u2019s face.<\/p>\n

\u201cI love ya, Emmie!\u201d Ben almost laughed at how quickly Hoss rushed out of the room to get his breakfast. Yesterday was a distant nightmare compared to how happy he felt at that moment. Looking down he saw Emma was asleep again. Her breathing was quiet, even. She\u2019d barely been awake a few minutes, but was obviously on the road to recovery, Ben thought.<\/p>\n

\u201cOh, Inger, I\u2019m sorry,\u201d he apologized closing his eyes and picturing Emma\u2019s mother. \u201cEmma could have died because of my selfishness.\u201d Ben rested his head against the headboard. Memories of Inger floated through his mind, Inger climbing onto the wagon he and Adam were using to travel to find Ben\u2019s dreams, Inger giving birth to first Hoss and then in surprise, a much smaller baby, the baby girl who grew to be protective and moody and filled his heart with her determination to keep up with her brothers. He could hear Inger\u2019s voice, her Swedish accent singing as she spoke to Adam who climbed into the wagon to see his brother and sister for the first time. Inger had Hoss in her arms. Ben was holding Emma. Adam was six years old and finally a big brother.<\/p>\n

\u201cAdam, come and see,\u201d Inger invited softly. \u201cYou have a brother and a sister.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cA baby brother and sister?\u201d Adam repeated in awe.<\/p>\n

\u201cOne of each,\u201d Ben laughed. He placed Emma in the little boy\u2019s arms. Like her brother she had a head of sandy colored hair, her features delicately feminine.<\/p>\n

\u201cShe has blue eyes, Pa,\u201d Adam said. \u201cWill they turn brown like mine and yours?\u201d Ben chuckled. Inger smiled.<\/p>\n

\u201cI think Eric and Emma\u2019s eyes will be blue, like mine, Adam. Is that all right?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSure it is, Ma,\u201d Adam answered. Emma curled her tiny finger around Adam\u2019s. In that second Adam was lost to the little sister who easily wrapped her big brother around her little finger.<\/p>\n

\u201cPa, she\u2019s got a strong grip,\u201d Adam exclaimed. \u201cYa think she\u2019ll be as big as me someday?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOf course, Son. She\u2019s a girl though. Girls are smaller than boys. Look and see how much bigger her brother is.\u201d Ben took Emma back. Adam moved across the wagon, sitting next to Inger. Inger\u2019s blond hair lay around her shoulders, her nightgown covering her, and Eric held against her breast. She gently pulled back the white blanket that covered him.<\/p>\n

\u201cSee, Adam, how much bigger Eric is. He\u2019s going to be every bit as big as your Uncle Gunnar,\u201d Inger said proudly. Adam\u2019s own chocolate colored eyes grew wide. His Uncle Gunnar was the biggest man he\u2019d ever seen, even bigger than his father.<\/p>\n

\u201cYa think so, Ma? He is big! He\u2019s as big as a horse almost.\u201d Adam laughed, a little boy\u2019s laugh that had seldom been heard by Ben until Inger became the child\u2019s mother in his heart and soul. Adam adored Inger. He reached over letting Eric grasp his finger as Emma had. Again Adam\u2019s face lit up.<\/p>\n

\u201cHe is stronger than Emma. That\u2019s her name, Pa? Emma, and my brother is Eric?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou like the names, Adam?\u201d Inger queried.<\/p>\n

\u201cYeah.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAs big as a horse,\u201d Ben chuckled. \u201cRemember what the men in town called Gunnar, Inger?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHoss!\u201d Adam cried. \u201cThey called him Hoss.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThey sure did, Son. Hoss. What do you think, Eric. Does Hoss suit you better?\u201d Hoss\u2019 gurgle sealed the deal and Hoss he became. The family hugged each other and laughed together. Ben would never forget the joy he felt. His wife and babies were his life\u2026and they always would be.<\/p>\n

End Flashback<\/p>\n

\u201cPa? Pa?\u201d Adam\u2019s voice filtered through Ben\u2019s mind, waking him out of his pleasant dream.<\/p>\n

\u201cAdam? Oh, I must have dropped off.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou looked happy,\u201d Adam observed. Ben touched Emma\u2019s soft hair, kissing her forehead.<\/p>\n

\u201cI was dreaming of the day the twins were born and we decided to call Eric, Hoss.\u201d Adam smiled.<\/p>\n

\u201cI remember,\u201d he agreed. \u201cWe were so happy then.\u201d Ben brushed away the tears that came, tears for Inger, and now for Marie. Adam sat on the bed. He too touched Emma\u2019s soft hair, hair he had washed the night before before putting her to bed. Young chocolate colored eyes locked on Ben\u2019s wiser brown orbs.<\/p>\n

\u201cPa, do you think we\u2019ll ever be that happy again? We were with Marie.\u201d Ben\u2019s throat constricted. Forcing himself to answer, he made Adam a promise.<\/p>\n

\u201cOne way or another, Adam, we will,\u201d He answered. \u201cWe have to be happy. It\u2019s what your mother and Inger and Marie would want. We can\u2019t let them down, can we?\u201d Adam brushed away a tear that came to his own eye.<\/p>\n

\u201cNo, Pa. We don\u2019t want to let them down, but it\u2019s hard. It\u2019s real hard.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI know, Son. I know.\u201d Ben kissed Emma\u2019s head again, his hand reaching out to touch Adam\u2019s. There were no more words to say. Emma slept while her father and brothers cared for her. And Marie lay in a cold grave by Lake Tahoe while her family carried on.<\/p>\n

Chapter 7<\/p>\n

In the next few days, Emma\u2019s recovery was slow. At first the child slept a great deal. Dr. Martin assured Ben that was normal. But when Emma refused to eat, and had difficulty moving her arms and legs, fear came again to live with the father. Dr. Martin was called again. After he\u2019d examined Emma, he turned sorrowfully to Ben, his own worry evident.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat is it, Paul?\u201d Ben asked. \u201cWhat\u2019s wrong with her.\u201d Emma lay in bed, her blue eyes watching her father. It was hard for Ben to tell how much she understood. She cried when he left the room, and responded to her brothers but hadn\u2019t spoken since her fever had broken three days before.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m not sure what\u2019s wrong, Ben. Emma is still very weak. Her reflexes are slow. She\u2019s not responding the way she should. Ben, I suspect the fever was too much for her. She\u2019s not in a coma, but she seems to have suffered brain damage from the fever.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cDear God,\u201d Ben breathed. Emma didn\u2019t move. Ben\u2019s hope and dreams for his child were dashed in that instant. His little girl might never come back to them.<\/p>\n

\u201cBen, you have to be patient,\u201d was all the physician could say. Ben looked down into Emma\u2019s eyes.<\/p>\n

\u201cI want my daughter back, Paul,\u201d the father finally managed. \u201cHow do we do that? How do we get her to eat?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cGive her broth and soft foods. That\u2019s the best you can do for now. Ben, there is hope. Let the boys in. The more stimulation she gets, the better. You might want to move her downstairs so the boys can spend more time with her and you and Hop Sing don\u2019t have to go up and down the stairs all the time.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhatever you say, Paul.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cShe\u2019s going to need round the clock care, Ben. You could really use a nurse out here.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ll take care of my own child,\u201d Ben insisted coldly.<\/p>\n

\u201cBen, you have a ranch to run, and three other children who need your attention.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAdam and Hop Sing will help.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIf this was one of the boys I wouldn\u2019t argue,\u201d Dr. Martin said. \u201cBut think of Emma. Don\u2019t you think that as she grows more aware, she\u2019ll be more comfortable having a woman care for her instead of her father? She\u2019s a young lady, Ben, whether you think so or not.\u201d Ben thought of Marie. He knew she would agree with Paul. Unable to argue he nodded his consent.<\/p>\n

\u201cGood Man, Ben. I know this is difficult. I know Marie would take good care of her if she were here.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIf Marie were here this never would have happened,\u201d Ben sighed. \u201cI would never have left Emma or her brothers. Oh God, forgive me.\u201d Paul\u2019s strong hand clasped Ben\u2019s shoulder, not knowing that Hoss, and Adam were standing in the doorway.<\/p>\n

\u201cBen, no one reacts to grief the same way. You\u2019d already lost Elizabeth and Inger. Losing Marie was the straw that broke the camel\u2019s back. You\u2019re only a man, Ben, not a saint.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019M A FATHER!\u201d Ben shouted startling Adam and Hoss. The two boys looked at each other, then made a quiet retreat. \u201cI\u2019m a father.\u201d Dr. Martin sighed. Emma squirmed a little in Ben\u2019s arms. Ben immediately calmed down sensing his daughter\u2019s reaction. His voice was controlled when he spoke.<\/p>\n

\u201cWho do you think could help us, Paul?\u201d he asked.<\/p>\n

\u201cJenny Sims comes to mind. She\u2019s often taken care of folks hereabouts. All her education comes from reading my medical books and her own instincts but she makes a good nurse.\u201d Ben nodded his agreement.<\/p>\n

\u201cShe knows the children and they like her. Emma especially. It\u2019s a good idea. If she wants to stay here, we can set up a bed downstairs with Emma. Otherwise Adam and I can take her to and from town.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ll ask her, Ben. You can count on her to come out right away if she isn\u2019t working for someone else. Otherwise I\u2019ll see who else I can find.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThank-you, Paul.\u201d Dr. Martin gave Ben a smile and final pat on the shoulder.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019re a good father, Ben no matter what you think of yourself right now. The first to tell you would be Inger and Marie.\u201d Ben didn\u2019t reply. Paul left him sitting with Emma. Ben hugged Emma to him, her small form resting against him, her head on his chest as he whispered to her.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019re going to be all right, Emma. Papa is here and you\u2019re going to be all right. Papa\u2019s going to do everything he can so you get better and when you\u2019re well I\u2019ll get you that pony you wanted.\u201d He knew she could hear him. When Ben laid the little girl down she blinked at him. Suddenly Ben had an idea.<\/p>\n

\u201cEmma! Emma, can you hear me?\u201d When there was no response, Ben went on. \u201cBaby, blink once for yes and twice for no. Can you hear me?\u201d Ben held his breath. Emma\u2019s sky blue eyes remained open. He felt disappointment rising up in him when suddenly Emma blinked once. Ben had to be sure. He asked his little girl a question he knew the answer to.<\/p>\n

\u201cEmma, do you want me to bring you some squash?\u201d Emma hated squash. To Ben\u2019s relief, Emma blinked twice. Ben\u2019s whoop of joy didn\u2019t seem to frighten the child as he pulled her into his arms again. This time Hoss and Adam came running through the door with Adam holding Little Joe.<\/p>\n

\u201cPa, what is it?\u201d Adam asked.<\/p>\n

\u201cShe can hear us!\u201d Ben exclaimed.<\/p>\n

\u201cI never thought she couldn\u2019t,\u201d Hoss protested.<\/p>\n

\u201cWell I wasn\u2019t sure, Son, but she can. Come on in here. I\u2019m going to tell you what Dr. Martin said. Your sister needs help to get better, and we\u2019re going to help her.\u201d So Adam, Hoss and even Little Joe sat on their sister\u2019s bed while Ben outlined how they were going to bring Emma back to them. One way or another they were going to save the little girl trapped in a body she had to learn to control again. Ben would do anything it took for Emma\u2019s life to be saved, a life she could live, healthy and happy with the brothers and father she loved.<\/p>\n

******<\/p>\n

Jenny Sims came out to the house the next day. She was a few years older than Adam. Her father ran the livery in town and she lived with him. She and Adam were friends and she always treated Hoss, Emma and Little Joe as if they were her friends as well. When Adam opened the door for her the next day she gave him a bright smile and stepped inside to the house she had visited for parties and fun occasions.<\/p>\n

\u201cHello, Jenny. Come on in,\u201d Adam invited. \u201cWe\u2019re just finishing breakfast.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s Jenny!\u201d Little Joe cried leaving the breakfast table before Ben could stop him. Jenny caught the small boy up in her arms.<\/p>\n

\u201cHey, Little Joe,\u201d she greeted. \u201cAdam.\u201d Stepping into the great room, she smiled shyly at Ben and Hoss. \u201cMr. Cartwright, it\u2019s nice to see you. I\u2026I\u2019m real sorry about Mrs. Cartwright.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThank-you, Jenny,\u201d Ben answered, still having difficulty accepting condolences.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m sorry about Emma too, but Dr. Martin told me she can get well and I think he\u2019s right. I, er, brought my carpet bag. My father brought me out in the sleigh. We figured it was too snowy to be going back and forth every day.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cQuite right but why didn\u2019t he come in?\u201d Ben asked.<\/p>\n

\u201cOh you know Pa. He\u2019s got work ta do at the livery. He\u2019s not much for visiting anyway.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ll get your bag, Jenny,\u201d Hoss offered eagerly. Jenny looked around as Hoss rushed outside without coat or boots. Ben rolled his eyes. Jenny went on.<\/p>\n

\u201cI can get started with Emma right away, Mr. Cartwright. Where is she?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIn the bedroom resting. Won\u2019t you have some breakfast, Jenny?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo, Sir. I already ate. Poor Pa,\u201d she laughed. \u201cHe\u2019s going ta have ta eat his own cooking for the next few weeks.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWe eat right fine here, Jenny. Ya know how good Hop Sing cooks,\u201d Hoss boasted coming inside with Jenny\u2019s bag.<\/p>\n

\u201cI can help Hop Sing, Mr. Cartwright. I\u2019m a good cook.\u201d Ben looked to his sons and they all laughed except Little Joe.<\/p>\n

\u201cJenny, that\u2019s something you\u2019ll have to take up with Hop Sing. It\u2019s his kitchen.\u201d Jenny smiled.<\/p>\n

\u201cMaybe I better concentrate on Emma,\u201d she agreed. Ben nodded.<\/p>\n

\u201cProbably a good idea. We live for the day when Emma can sit up and walk and talk again.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cMr. Cartwright, Dr. Martin said he doesn\u2019t know how well Emma will do,\u201d Jenny reminded him. \u201cEach day we just have to see.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWe know, Jenny,\u201d Adam answered for his father. \u201cBut we already know Emma is aware of what\u2019s going on. She\u2019s there, Jenny, and we want to help her. Can you?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOf course I can, Adam,\u201d Jenny bristled. \u201cDon\u2019t take your frustrations about Emma on me, all right? We\u2019ll get along a lot better that way.\u201d Jenny went into Emma\u2019s bedroom. Hoss glared at Adam.<\/p>\n

\u201cYa didn\u2019t have no cause ta make her mad, Adam. We need her help, or do ya know what ta do for Emma?\u201d Hoss didn\u2019t wait for an answer before following Jenny. Adam shook his head. Little Joe followed Hoss which he did naturally. Adam shook his head looking to his father.<\/p>\n

\u201cI didn\u2019t mean anything, Pa,\u201d he apologized.<\/p>\n

\u201cI know, Son. Don\u2019t worry about it. Emma\u2019s being sick is hard on all of us.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019re telling me.\u201d Adam sighed. \u201cWell maybe we should get ready for the rest of the day. Can\u2019t get any worse.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAn auspicious beginning,\u201d Ben chuckled to himself. \u201cHope it gets better.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIt will, Pa\u2026someday,\u201d Adam answered patting his father on the shoulder. Ben and Adam returned to the breakfast table where Hoss joined them sulkily a short time later. The boy was still having difficulty with Ben and Ben hated the mistrust he saw in Hoss\u2019 eyes at times. As he told the boys what chores needed to be done that day, his eyes rested on Hoss who finished his breakfast unusually quiet and knew that Emma wasn\u2019t the only one who needed healing.<\/p>\n

Chapter 8<\/p>\n

Emma\u2019s recovery was a slow process just as Dr. Martin and Jenny predicted. Thanksgiving came, followed quickly by Christmas. The birthday of Jesus was celebrated only for Little Joe\u2019s sake. Not even Hoss could summon up enough pleasure to open his presents without his sister sitting beside him by the tree. Little Joe opened his presents alone. The rest, Hoss\u2019 gifts, Adam\u2019s and Ben\u2019s were put away for a time when Emma could share the significance of the day. Jenny went home for Christmas and Emma was as fussy as a newborn babe. It was clear she was aware of her brothers and father trying to take care of her and she didn\u2019t like it, crying when Ben gave her a bed bath and washed her thick hair. Ben talked to her but Emma simply turned her head away, refusing to look at him. Everyone breathed a sigh of relief when Jenny came back. For the first time in his life, Ben Cartwright was completely out of his element. He had no idea how to meet Emma\u2019s needs, not without her being embarrassed and upset. Jenny was a Godsend and Ben often told the girl so.<\/p>\n

January and February passed slowly. Emma cried often, frustrated by her inability just to do simple things such as sitting up or feeding herself. Jenny was infinitely patient and very proud of the day when she lifted Emma and put her in a wheelchair for the very first time.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou look great, Emma,\u201d she told the little girl. \u201cAll those exercises we did are paying off.\u201d Emma managed a smile, but said nothing. \u201cYou want to go into the great room. The boys are working but it will be lunch time soon. You can eat at the table for a change, and Little Joe is playing soldiers in the other room.\u201d Emma gave no indication as to what she really wanted. Jenny sighed. \u201cEmma, someday you are going to get out of this chair and race Hoss across the yard, and you\u2019ll win cause he\u2019s not as fast as you.\u201d Jenny sighed again and turned away only to spin around when she heard a giggle. Emma was smiling and her giggle continued for a few more seconds.<\/p>\n

\u201cEMMA!\u201d She called out. In a second Little Joe came running into the room with Hop Sing behind him.<\/p>\n

\u201cEmma?\u201d he asked. \u201cEmma\u2019s in the chair!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cShe sure is Little Joe. She giggled! She laughed!\u201d Well she hadn\u2019t really laughed but Little Joe didn\u2019t know the difference.<\/p>\n

\u201cEmmie giggles good,\u201d Little Joe said when Emma giggled again. \u201cWhat did she giggle at?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI told her she could out run Hoss.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOut run? What\u2019s that mean?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cShe can run faster than Hoss can.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYep. Emmie runs fast. She can ride good too. I wish I could ride as good as Emmie. Emmie, ,ya gonna ride, huh? Can I go riding with ya?\u201d Hop Sing picked up Joe who squirmed in his arms.<\/p>\n

\u201cLemmie down, Hop Sing. I wanta Emmie ta talk ta me. She giggled. She can talk to me.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSoon, Little Joe, soon,\u201d Jenny promised. Hop Sing carried the little boy out of the room. Jenny gave her attention to her charge. Once again she was surprised by Emma\u2019s expression, one of deep sadness as tears fell silently down her cheeks. In the past few months, Emma had either been quiet, crying or sleeping. There hadn\u2019t really been an in between. Jenny took a handkerchief from the dresser, drying the little girl\u2019s tears.<\/p>\n

\u201cEmma, you\u2019re going to get better. I promise. I wasn\u2019t sure for a while but I am now. You know how I know?\u201d To Jenny\u2019s delight, Emma shook her head. \u201cBecause you know what you want and you want to ride and run again don\u2019t you? You want to help Hoss and Adam and your pa with the chores on the ranch and take care of Little Joe.\u201d Emma nodded. \u201cThen that\u2019s what we\u2019ll keep working for. Come on. We\u2019ll go in the great room and I\u2019ll read you and Joe a story. Okay?\u201d Emma didn\u2019t respond that time, but Jenny wasn\u2019t discouraged. It was the most they\u2019d gotten out of the child since Jenny came to the ranch. Physically Emma had improved but they had been starting to despair she would ever be the Emma they had known before. Now Emma\u2019s family had hope and so did Jenny.<\/p>\n

At lunch, Ben, Adam and Hoss stomped into the house. They were so busy taking off their coats and talking it took them a minute to settle down. Little Joe came running from the kitchen as Ben put his coat on the hook by the door.<\/p>\n

\u201cPapa! Papa!\u201d he called. \u201cPapa, lookit. Lookit.\u201d Little Joe was so excited he could barely get out what he was trying to say. Ben threw his little son up in the air and hugged him close.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat is it, Joseph. You need to settle down, Son.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBut Papa, lookit, Emmie.\u201d Ben\u2019s eyes focused on his lovely daughter sitting in her wheeled chair by the fireplace with Jenny reading to her. Hoss was already across the room, kneeling in front of his sister. Emma\u2019s eyes followed her brother while Ben and Adam walked over to her in amazement.<\/p>\n

\u201cEmma! Yer up!\u201d Hoss announced. \u201cYa sure do look great outta that bed. We can go outside and go for walks and play now.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNot yet, Hoss,\u201d Jenny denied. \u201cEmma has to get a little stronger and it would be nice if it was a little warmer outside before she left the house.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAw, Jenny. The fresh air will be good for her. Emma hates being in the house.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHe\u2019s right, Jenny,\u201d Adam supported. \u201cIf Emma can sit up in a chair, she\u2019d improve faster if she could go outside.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cTell you what,\u201d Ben suggested. \u201cWhen Dr. Martin comes out on Friday, we\u2019ll ask him. Is that a good idea, Jenny?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYes, Sir,\u201d Jenny agreed with relief. \u201cEmma\u2019s ready for lunch if you are.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m right hungry,\u201d Hoss exclaimed. \u201cCome on, Emma.\u201d Hoss wheeled his sister to the table. They removed a chair so she could get up to the table as much as possible. Jenny still had to feed her charge but Emma was at the table and Ben\u2019s heart sang. His little girl was coming back to them. The family worked harder to stimulate Emma, reading to her, sitting her on the floor using a special sofa rest that Ben made for her to lean on. Then she could help Joseph play with his soldiers. She used her fingers and gradually was able to grasp silverware and pens and pencils. Spring came. Emma spent hours every morning with Jenny and Little Joe. She giggled at Hoss and Adam\u2019s teasing. Her blue eyes lit up when she was happy and she cried less and less. Still she did not speak. Nor did she appear to want to spend time with Ben. If he was with her brothers, she didn\u2019t seem to mind, but every time he sat with her outside or tried to talk to her, she avoided him. Ben was devastated. Emma might be stuck in a body she couldn\u2019t control the way she wanted to but it was obvious her memory was intact. Where she had originally refused to let Ben out of her sight, now she would have nothing to do with him. Her anger brought out Hoss\u2019 anger as well and the boy was increasingly disrespectful and short with Ben, something he was not about to put up with for long, except that he still felt so very guilty for abandoning his children.<\/p>\n

Adam Cartwright was torn between his brother and sister\u2019s anger at Ben and his own disappointment in his father. Over the past several months he had come to understand why his father left, though it was still difficult to believe his father wouldn\u2019t leave again if another tragedy occurred in the family. He\u2019d tried to talk to Hoss to encourage him to give Ben a chance. Hoss only admitted he couldn\u2019t help how he felt. That was all he would say on the subject. Adam was helpless to rein either his brother or sister in and the tension in the house was building. Adam couldn\u2019t imagine how it would come to a head. He only knew it would.<\/p>\n

*****<\/p>\n

\u201cNO!\u201d Emma exclaimed when Ben lifted her from the chair to her bed. Jenny had taken the weekend off to go to a dance with a beau. Adam was at the same dance so it was up to Hoss and Ben to put Emma to bed. Ben almost dropped his daughter on the bed, instead of gently lying her down as he always did. It was the first word Emma had said in months.<\/p>\n

\u201cEmma? What do you want?\u201d Ben asked carefully. Emma pointed to her nightgown lying neatly in a chair by her bed and then pointed to herself.<\/p>\n

\u201cWe can help ya, Emmie,\u201d Hoss offered.<\/p>\n

\u201cNo, Hoss,\u201d Ben answered. He got the nightgown and put it on the bed. Emma moved herself to the edge of the bed, now sitting on it the way she normally would. Looking at Hoss, she pointed to her back where the buttons were. Hoss didn\u2019t need telling twice. He unbuttoned the dress.<\/p>\n

\u201cEmmie?\u201d he asked. Emma put her hands in her lap and waited.<\/p>\n

\u201cEmma, do you want help?\u201d Ben asked.<\/p>\n

\u201cNO!\u201d Emma exclaimed again.<\/p>\n

\u201cYa can\u2019t do it alone, Emmie,\u201d Hoss told her. \u201cCome on. Let me help ya and when yer down ta your chemise, ya can do the rest yourself. Emma, ya aint never done it afore.\u201d Emma glared at her brother. Hoss rolled his eyes.<\/p>\n

\u201cCome on, Hoss. Let\u2019s leave your sister alone. Jenny\u2019s been working with her. If Emma thinks she can do this, I\u2019m proud of her. We have to give her a chance.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cShe caint!\u201d Hoss insisted.<\/p>\n

\u201cCan too!\u201d Emma shouted back. She really yelled, making Ben and Hoss jump.<\/p>\n

\u201cEmma!\u201d Ben cried. \u201cYou can talk. Sweetheart, Baby.\u201d He sat down on the bed, pulling his daughter into his arms. As always the little girl stiffened when he held her. Ben sat back, gazing into his daughter\u2019s fierce blue eyes. She truly was coming home to them.<\/p>\n

\u201cEmma, Sweetheart. We love you. We\u2019re so proud of you. Hoss and I will let you get undressed yourself. Mama would be proud of you too.\u201d Emma looked away. Ben started out of the room while Hoss stood clenching his fists.<\/p>\n

\u201cCome on, Hoss,\u201d Ben ordered. Hoss\u2019 defensive attitude melted as he stood in front of his sister.<\/p>\n

\u201cEmmie, if you need help, ya promise ya\u2019ll call me? Just yell whatever ya can and I\u2019ll come.\u201d Emma nodded. Hoss followed his father out of the room, leaving the door halfway open so they could hear her if she called. He sank down into a chair. Ben sat on the settee.<\/p>\n

\u201cHoss, I want to talk to you,\u201d Ben told his son. Hoss got up and went over to the fire. He picked up a stick and played with the fire ignoring his father.<\/p>\n

\u201cEric Cartwright, I\u2019m talking to you!\u201d Ben snapped. He was at the end of his rope. Hoss stood, his blue eyes as intense as his sister\u2019s and still filled with anger.<\/p>\n

\u201cSo what?\u201d he asked. Ben did what he had the night Emma was sick. He came over to Hoss and swatted him on his butt. He\u2019d done this several times in the last months along with grounding Hoss to his room, giving him extra chores and grounding him from riding. Hoss didn\u2019t seem to care. Tonight was no exception. Ben sighed, his frustration evident. He sat down on the settee, keeping his eyes on his son.<\/p>\n

\u201cHoss, I need your help. You\u2019ve worked hard to help your sister get well and pretty soon I think she\u2019s going to be up and around again.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYeah?\u201d Hoss inquired. \u201cSo?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSo, all this anger and hurt isn\u2019t good for you or her. Hoss, I need to know from you what I can do to convince you and Emma how sorry I am about what happened after Marie died. I know I broke your trust. I\u2019ve always taught you trust is earned. I keep trying to earn it back, but you won\u2019t let me.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI can\u2019t trust ya, Pa. Ya left us.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYes I did. I\u2019ve admitted that.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cEmma coulda died and you wouldn\u2019t have cared.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHoss,\u201d Ben sighed, a deep sorrow reflecting on his face. \u201cHoss, you know better than that.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHow, Pa? How am I supposed ta know? You didn\u2019t watch Emma pine away fer ya. She was a withering away and ya weren\u2019t here.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI can\u2019t take back what I did, Hoss. I love you children. Each one of you is a precious gift your mothers left me. Men make mistakes, even fathers. I made the biggest mistake of my life when Marie died. I just couldn\u2019t face losing her.\u201d Hoss looked uncomfortable. His father had told him this before, but Hoss hadn\u2019t listened. He was too hurt by Marie\u2019s death and too angry with his father for running away and he was afraid Emma would never get well. Ben went on. \u201cI\u2019m not perfect, Hoss. I was wrong. All I can do is what I\u2019ve been doing, trying to take care of you and Emma and Adam and Little Joe.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAdam took care of us,\u201d Hoss shouted. \u201cAdam did. You didn\u2019t, and Emma almost died. Lookit all she has ta go through just ta do what she used to so easy. It aint fair. It aint fair. It aint\u2026\u201d Hoss burst into tears. Ben couldn\u2019t help himself. He pulled Hoss into his arms. For the first time in months, Hoss let his father comfort him.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m sorry, Pa. I just couldn\u2019t believe Emma would die and then all this time and I wasn\u2019t sure if she\u2019d be all right. I knew she was mad so I was mad too. I knew I was wrong. I just couldn\u2019t help it. I need her, Pa. I need her.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWe all need her, Hoss. Do you understand me, Son? We all need your sister. We love her, just as we love you and each other.\u201d There were no more words. Ben held his son close. The boy was so tall, his head reached almost to Ben\u2019s. Still he rested his head on Ben\u2019s shoulder and the two cried together until a miraculous sound came from the bedroom.<\/p>\n

\u201cHOSS,\u201d Emma called. \u201cHOSS.\u201d Hoss stepped back from his father with a real grin and then ran into his sister\u2019s bedroom. There Emma sat, her underclothes and dress lying on the bed next to her, rather crumpled but there and Emma had her nightgown on. Hoss sat on the bed hugging his sister.<\/p>\n

\u201cYa done it, Emma! Ya done it! Tomorrow ya can muck out the stalls in the barn, right?\u201d Ben burst out laughing. Emma giggled. She didn\u2019t look at Ben but gave Hoss an adoring look. Lying her head on his shoulder, she hugged him in return.<\/p>\n

\u201cHoss,\u201d she whispered. \u201cLove Hoss.\u201d Ben turned away, unable to stop the tears that came. When he turned back, Hoss was helping Emma to lie down in bed. Hoss was whispering something to Emma. Emma shook her head.<\/p>\n

\u201cCome on, Emma, please,\u201d Hoss begged. Emma shook her head again. Ben knew without asking what Hoss had said. He\u2019d asked Emma to forgive Ben and Emma refused. Ben and Hoss exchanged places. Ben kissed his daughter\u2019s forehead just as he did every night. She turned away as she always did. Ben\u2019s eyes met Hoss. Hoss shrugged.<\/p>\n

\u201cShe\u2019s hurting, Pa,\u201d was all he could say. Ben turned back to Emma. Sitting on the bed, he spoke softly to her.<\/p>\n

\u201cI love you, Emma Rose. I love you very much,\u201d Ben told her. \u201cSomeday you\u2019ll know how much. I\u2019ll be here in the morning and every morning after that. I promise.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ll get ready for bed and sleep on the cot down here, Pa,\u201d Hoss said. Ben nodded. \u201cBe right back, Sis.\u201d Emma smiled.<\/p>\n

\u201cHoss,\u201d she said. She closed her eyes with a smile on her face. Ben had to be satisfied with that smile\u2026and continue to pray that soon the family that had been torn asunder, not so much by Marie\u2019s death as his own actions, might soon be whole again.<\/p>\n

Chapter 9<\/p>\n

\u201cLookit you, Emma,\u201d Hoss cried a few weeks later. \u201cYou\u2019re walking! Pa, Adam! Emmie\u2019s walking.\u201d Ben and Adam flew out of the house shocked to see Emma standing a few feet from her wheelchair. Hoss was practically jumping up and down in his excitement. Little Joe joined the family, wrapping his arms around Emma\u2019s legs.<\/p>\n

\u201cEmmie, don\u2019t fall,\u201d the little boy cried. He\u2019d witnessed several falls his sister had taken when just he and Hoss and Emma were home as Emma learned to walk again. Jenny was only coming out to the house three times a week now to help Emma bathe and take care of necessary things that only Jenny could help her with. Emma smiled down at Little Joe, her feet steady and sure.<\/p>\n

\u201cI won\u2019t fall, Little Joe\u2026promise. Hoss\u2026won\u2019t let me\u2026 this time.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cEmma,\u201d Ben exclaimed. As usual Emma ignored her father, walking towards Hoss, Joe letting her go when Ben picked him up. Adam moved slowly behind his sister while Hoss backed up towards the barn. Emma\u2019s legs did start to tremble, but she didn\u2019t give up till she reached the barn fence when she leaned on it and turned around.<\/p>\n

\u201cI knew ya were\u2026there, Adam.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou did, huh?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYeah.\u201d Emma\u2019s eyes went from her brother to her father. \u201cKnew ya would\u2026be\u2026there.\u201d Emma looked down unable to look at her father. Adam scooped the child up in his arms.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ll always be there for you, Emma, and Hoss and Little Joe. You know that.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYeah.\u201d Emma leaned her head on Adam\u2019s strong shoulder. \u201cAdam\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYes, Little Sister.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNow I can\u2026walk\u2026can we\u2026go see\u2026Mama?\u201d Adam froze. Looking over to Ben he let him answer the question despite Emma\u2019s reticence with their father.<\/p>\n

\u201cI think that\u2019s a good idea, Emma,\u201d Ben answered.<\/p>\n

\u201cCan we, Pa?\u201d Little Joe asked. \u201cCan we go see Mama? I can pick some flowers for her. Mama likes flowers.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cJoe, we won\u2019t see Mama. You know that. Emma wants to see where Mama is sleeping.\u201d Ben kissed the little boy\u2019s forehead, hugging him close.<\/p>\n

\u201cI know,\u201d Little Joe answered, a bit of the twinkle going out of his mischievous face. \u201cMama\u2019s sleeping with the angels. She comes to visit me at night.\u201d Ben stared at his son, then looked to the other three children who appeared as dumbfounded as he was. Adam carried Emma back to her chair and sat her in it. Hoss followed Adam and Ben with the wheelchair up to the porch, using the ramp he and Adam had made for the wheeled chair ordered from Sacramento when it became evident Emma would need it for awhile. Ben sank down on one of the wicker chairs on the porch. Adam took the other. Hoss leaned on the wheelchair. For once Emma\u2019s attention was rapt on her father and Little Joe.<\/p>\n

\u201cJoseph, what do you mean?\u201d Ben asked.<\/p>\n

\u201cMama visits,\u201d Joe answered in simple childlike innocence. \u201cShe helps me when I miss her. Cause I miss her a lot. I missed Emma too till she got better. I asked Mama why she can\u2019t come back like Emma did.\u201d Again Ben\u2019s eyes went to his older children. He hugged Joe close, his body trembling, his heart thumping madly.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat did she say, Joseph?\u201d Ben inquired very carefully, hoping not to frighten his little boy with the intense emotions he felt. Joe looked around at his siblings then his father.<\/p>\n

\u201cPapa, you\u2019re crying,\u201d he observed wiping a tear away with his little fingers. \u201cYou miss Mama too?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cEvery day, Joseph. Every day.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAll the time,\u201d Hoss agreed.<\/p>\n

\u201cShe\u2019s definitely an angel, Joe. What else did she say?\u201d Adam tried.<\/p>\n

\u201cTell us, Little Joe,\u201d Emma encouraged. Joe\u2019s eyes locked on his sister. He smiled a sad little smile for such a small child. He leaned his head against Ben\u2019s shoulder, still looking at Emma.<\/p>\n

\u201cShe said she had to stay in heaven, but she would always be there to hold me if I needed her. She told me that me and Hoss and Emma and Adam all had lots and lots to do. That\u2019s why Emma got well.\u201d Emma\u2019s blue eyes grew wide. She burst into tears burying her face in her hands. Ben moved quickly, unable to bear seeing his daughter cry. He handed Little Joe to Adam who clutched the little boy to him, then picked up Emma, sitting back down in the wicker chair with her. Emma turned on her father, hitting out with her small fists, barely hurting his chest but venting her rage.<\/p>\n

\u201cLet me go!\u201d she screamed and hiccoughed. \u201cLet\u2026me\u2026go.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo, Emma. No,\u201d Ben told her. \u201cI love you, Emma. I love you.\u201d Emma shook her head in denial. \u201cYes, Emma. I love you. Pa loves you. No matter what you think. I love you.\u201d Ben grabbed the small hands holding them in his own strong ones. It was the first time he had held her since her illness almost six months before.<\/p>\n

\u201cNo\u2026No\u2026No\u2026\u201d was all Emma could sob. \u201cI\u2026want\u2026Mama.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI know, Emma, I know,\u201d Ben consoled. Emma suddenly sat back away from Ben, her blue eyes blazing with a mixture of the moods Ben recognized in his little girl, confusion, anger, hurt and vulnerability. That was Emma, as mercurial and moody as Joe.<\/p>\n

\u201cI wanted\u2026you! I\u2026wanted\u2026you, Pa. You didn\u2019t come. YOU\u2026DIDN\u2019T\u2026COME!\u201d She burst into tears again. This time Ben was allowed to rub Emma\u2019s back, her sobs wetting his shirt. He didn\u2019t care. All he wanted was for Emma to feel safe with him, and loved by him again. She was his baby. Emma\u2019s sobs gradually decreased. Little Joe squirmed out of Adam\u2019s arms running to throw himself at Ben and Emma.<\/p>\n

\u201cEmmie, don\u2019t cry,\u201d he pleaded. \u201cPa, why\u2019s she crying?\u201d Hoss put his strong hands on Little Joe\u2019s small shoulders.<\/p>\n

\u201cShe\u2019s just crying like you do, Short shanks, when ya miss Ma.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYeah, I guess,\u201d Little Joe agreed. \u201cBut Emma, we\u2019re going to go and see Mama. You can help me pick flowers.\u201d Emma looked up at her father.<\/p>\n

\u201cYour brother wants to pick flowers, Emma. Do you want to go and pick flowers? Then we can go and see your mama.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cShe wasn\u2019t\u2026really my mama\u2026was she?\u201d Emma stammered. \u201cShe wasn\u2019t\u2026here\u2026long enough.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSure she was, Emma,\u201d Adam told her. \u201cI\u2019m older than you and Marie was my mother too, and Hoss\u2019 and Little Joe\u2019s. She\u2019ll always be our mother.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAlways and always,\u201d Hoss concurred. Emma rested against Ben. Ben couldn\u2019t resist kissing Emma\u2019s head, her soft hair whispering against his face. He spoke with gentle assurance and certainty.<\/p>\n

\u201cEmma, Marie loved being your mama. You must never question that.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cShe\u2026she said\u2026It\u2019s not how much\u2026love\u2026\u201d Emma took a deep breath to continue, her speech still difficult. \u201ca person\u2026receives\u2026but how much\u2026they give.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYes, that\u2019s how Marie felt,\u201d Ben agreed, his voice choking. \u201cShe loved all four of you and me, very much.\u201d Emma was exhausted. She fell asleep in her father\u2019s arms. Ben didn\u2019t move, cherishing the moment. Adam distracted Little Joe by taking him to the barn, the visit to Marie momentarily forgotten. Hoss hugged Ben impulsively.<\/p>\n

\u201cThanks, Pa,\u201d was all he said before running after his brothers. Ben closed his eyes enfolding his little girl with all the love and compassion he could. She was so fragile and yet so strong. She was a Cartwright through and through and Ben knew that soon she was going to be just fine.<\/p>\n

********<\/p>\n

\u201cEmma, slow down,\u201d Ben shouted after the girl two months later. Riding the new pony Ben had promised her across the grass with Hoss in hot pursuit, the child appeared just as impetuous and beautiful as she had been the last time Marie saw her. Ben smiled, holding Little Joe in front of him on the saddle while the child prattled about going to see his mama and Adam raced after the twins to make sure they didn\u2019t get hurt. When Ben pulled Buck up, his children were already gathered around Marie\u2019s grave. Ben held Joe down to Adam and then joined his sons and daughter. Emma was kneeling placing fresh flowers on the grave. She took one and gave it to Joe.<\/p>\n

\u201cHere, Joe,\u201d she said. \u201cYou put your flower there too. Mama would like that.\u201d Joe leaned against his sister while Hoss and Adam and Ben watched.<\/p>\n

\u201cEmmie?\u201d Joe asked.<\/p>\n

\u201cYeah, Little Joe?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cDo ya think Mama is taking care of us?\u201d Emma sat back on the grass, pulling Joe into her lap. The little girl had grown up quite a bit in the last month. She was often able to calm Joe when her brothers couldn\u2019t and he often turned to her for a hug or kiss when he hadn\u2019t before though he was still the trusting little boy he\u2019d always been. Ben wondered how much Marie\u2019s death and Emma\u2019s illness had affected her. Emma tickled Joe whose giggle infectiously caused his father and brothers and sister to laugh.<\/p>\n

\u201cStop, Emmie,\u201d Joe chortled. Hoss swept down, rescuing his brother. The twins tussled with their baby brother for a minute before coming up for air. Little Joe repeated his question.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat do ya think, Emma? Huh?\u201d Emma and Hoss exchanged a silent twin moment as Marie used to call it, the two exchanging silent thoughts while Joe went on. \u201cTell me, tell me.\u201d Emma hugged her brother and let him lean against her while her gaze went from the grave to her father who knelt near by. Ben\u2019s own expression of paternal love and pride told her all she need to know when she answered Joe\u2019s question.<\/p>\n

\u201cMama will always care for us, Little Joe, but she has to do it from heaven.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhile she\u2019s sleeping with the angels,\u201d Joe mumbled.<\/p>\n

\u201cBut Pa is here, and Adam, and Hoss and they\u2019ll take care of us forever,\u201d Emma answered with a smile at her father.<\/p>\n

\u201cBut Hoss is only a little boy,\u201d Joe protested. Emma\u2019s smile grew and Ben felt his world finally come into focus again as his little girl repeated the words Marie used to say when Emma needed extra love and attention.<\/p>\n

\u201cWe\u2019re family, Little Joe\u2026and family takes care a their own. Don\u2019t cha forget it now.\u201d Little Joe leaned over putting his flower next to Emma\u2019s. Ben sat with Adam and Hoss and the family that had been nearly torn asunder came together again while Marie smiled down upon them and enfolded them in a love that would live forevermore.<\/p>\n

~The End<\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Summary:\u00a0\u00a0This is a story in an alternate universe where Hoss has a twin sister Emma. This story deals with the family immediately before and after Marie\u2019s death. Ben loses the children\u2019s trust when he runs off after Marie\u2019s death. Further tragedy befalls the family and the children and Ben must pick up the pieces or forever be torn asunder as a family.<\/p>\n

Rating:\u00a0 PG\u00a0 (21,240 words)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":10662,"featured_media":5796,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"template-full-width-post.php","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"Torn Assunder (by Christy)","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_members_access_role":[],"_members_access_error":""},"categories":[7,23,1008],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-16260","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-a-u","category-drama","category-family","wpcat-7-id","wpcat-23-id","wpcat-1008-id"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/05\/Best-Day-He-Ever-Saw.jpg?fit=630%2C480&ssl=1","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/16260","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/10662"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=16260"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/16260\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/5796"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=16260"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=16260"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=16260"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}