Summary: Joe gets a chance to practice his own \u2018big brother\u2019 skills.<\/p>\n
Written for the 2018 Ponderosa Paddlewheel Poker Tournament. TOURNAMENT WINNER (TIE)<\/p>\n
The card \u201csuits\u201d were:<\/p>\n
Anatomy (body parts)
\nFears
\nWhat Women Want
\nThings Found in a Saddlebag<\/p>\n
Rated:\u00a0\u00a0 K\u00a0 6,220 words<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Brother to Brother . . . to Brother . . . to Brother\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n \u201cHey, brother.\u00a0 What\u2019d that barn ever do to you?\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss lifted an eyebrow as Joe stepped onto the front porch, but his scowl didn\u2019t fade.\u00a0 Joe turned to follow the big man\u2019s gaze across the darkening yard, but seeing nothing out of the ordinary he looked back down at his companion.<\/p>\n \u201cAll right, I give up.\u00a0 What\u2019s goin\u2019 on?\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss stretched and pursed his lips, then sighed.\u00a0 \u201cOh, I been out here tryin\u2019 to figure out what\u2019s goin\u2019 on in that fuzzy little head this time.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe looked quickly back around, eyes rising to the open loft.\u00a0 \u201cJamie?\u201d\u00a0 Hoss nodded and Joe slumped against the nearest post, hat turning absently in gloved hands.\u00a0 \u201cWhat? \u00a0Did somethin\u2019 happen?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWell, little brother, if I knew that I wouldn\u2019t be out here wonderin\u2019, would I?\u201d<\/p>\n Joe spared a halfhearted snarl for the jab, attention still fixed primarily on the silent hayloft.\u00a0 Since Jamie still wasn\u2019t allowed much beyond the main yard without telling someone where he\u2019d be\u2014it hadn\u2019t been that long ago they\u2019d found him lost, injured, and sick from exposure in the woods*, and Ben wasn\u2019t quite prepared to do the whole thing again so soon\u2014the loft had become his default hiding place when some teenage angst dictated the need for alone time.\u00a0 The problem with that, of course, was that everyone down to the greenest hired hand knew exactly where the boy had taken himself upon disappearing \u2026 but no system was perfect, and Jamie knew better than to challenge Ben on this.\u00a0 He was, if nothing else, learning to pick his battles.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat did he do?\u00a0 What makes you think something\u2019s goin\u2019 on, I mean?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI was out in the corral when he come home from school.\u00a0 I waved, but he didn\u2019t pay me no never mind\u2014just rode right on past.\u00a0 When he come out of the barn he stomped by again like I weren\u2019t even there, slammed the front door behind him, was back out a minute later with that book, and\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAw, not the book \u2026\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAnd back into the barn he went.\u00a0 Haven\u2019t seen him since.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhy is Pa always<\/em> gone when that blasted book comes out?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cProb\u2019ly cause Jamie knows better than to be draggin\u2019 it around in front of him.\u00a0 Ain\u2019t like Pa to let somethin\u2019 like that go without a good long man-to-man about what\u2019s ailin\u2019.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe glared suspiciously.\u00a0 \u201cYou\u2019re tellin\u2019 me you\u2019re<\/em> gonna let it go without a man-to-man?\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss surged out of his chair, sending it rocking hard into the wall.\u00a0 He staggered Joe with a hearty cuff to the shoulder.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m tellin\u2019 you that we<\/em> wouldn\u2019t dream of it, little brother.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOh we wouldn\u2019t, would we?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNope.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe grumbled, but followed Hoss readily across the yard.\u00a0 He had expected nothing less\u2014would probably have suggested it himself if he hadn\u2019t every confidence that big brother had the matter well in hand.\u00a0 Siblings in the Cartwright household had always carried a good dose of responsibility for the younger children, and Jamie\u2019s relative youth in comparison to his new brothers made it all the more natural.\u00a0 Prior to Jamie\u2019s arrival, of course, Joe had only ever been on the receiving end of the \u2018big brother to little brother\u2019 setup, but he was well-versed in how it worked.<\/p>\n \u201cYou know what that book means,\u201d he muttered as they approached the barn doors.\u00a0 Hoss sent him a reproaching glance.<\/p>\n \u201cAnd you know what Pa said\u2014that boy needs a lot of reassurin\u2019.\u00a0 So if we gotta go through it all again \u2026\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m not saying otherwise.\u201d\u00a0 Joe held up his hands in a defensive gesture.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019ll reassure until he\u2019s seventy-three and I can\u2019t get up out of my chair anymore, if that\u2019s what it takes.\u00a0 I just don\u2019t understand why he won\u2019t believe<\/em> us, is all.\u00a0 It ain\u2019t like we\u2019ve given him any reason not to.\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss stopped in his tracks, and Joe almost plowed into his brother\u2019s solid back.\u00a0 \u201cJoseph, do I gotta count the number of times we had to tell you<\/em> that Pa was comin\u2019 back and Adam was comin\u2019 back and I<\/em> was comin\u2019 back for all them years after Mama died?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNow wait a minute.\u00a0 That\u2019s not\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHow come you didn\u2019t believe us the first dozen times?\u201d<\/p>\n Joe huffed out a breath.\u00a0 \u201cThat\u2019s not<\/em> what I\u2019m saying, and you know it.\u00a0 Anyway, I wasn\u2019t even ten years old then!\u00a0 How was I supposed to\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou weren\u2019t, but you had a good solid lovin\u2019 family.\u00a0 Just like I did when I was twelve and ol\u2019 Jed Grayson kept on me every day at school, and no matter what Pa said I could just never quite believe that Jed weren\u2019t right about big and stupid bein\u2019 one and the same.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHoss \u2026\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThe point is, Jamie might be older, but he ain\u2019t never had\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHoss!\u00a0 I get it!\u00a0 Stop your crabbin\u2019, brother, I ain\u2019t pickin\u2019 on him.\u00a0 I\u2019m just \u2026\u201d\u00a0 Joe sighed and looked away, over the dim outline of the house.\u00a0 \u201cI wish<\/em> he\u2019d believe us.\u00a0 There ain\u2019t no need for him to keep doin\u2019 this to himself.\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss blew out a long breath, too, scratching at the back of his neck.\u00a0 \u201cYeah, I know.\u00a0 I ain\u2019t really crabbin\u2019 at you, neither.\u00a0 I guess I\u2019m just tryin\u2019 to convince myself.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cJamie\u2019ll get it eventually.\u201d\u00a0 Joe clapped a hand on Hoss\u2019s shoulder and shook gently.\u00a0 \u201cLike you said, we just gotta keep at it.\u00a0 Give him some time.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAnd hope he don\u2019t throw nothin\u2019 at us when we start up that ladder.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe snorted out a little laugh.\u00a0 He didn\u2019t think Jamie would throw anything at them \u2026 but that didn\u2019t mean their little brother was always very happy about their well-meaning interference into his insecurities.<\/p>\n He heard them coming, of course\u2014but then, they weren\u2019t exactly trying to hide it.\u00a0 Jamie glared from his huddle in the far corner as first Joe and then Hoss scrambled off the ladder.\u00a0 \u201cI don\u2019t wanna talk about it, and I don\u2019t want any company.\u201d<\/p>\n The kid had apparently not learned yet that, in the Cartwright household, admitting there was<\/em> a problem was more than halfway to losing the battle.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat, we can\u2019t sit in the hayloft?\u201d<\/p>\n Jamie looked away, swiping a quick sleeve across his nose.\u00a0 He stared out across the yard, thumbing the battered, partially burned pages that were his last link to his dead father and blatantly ignoring his brothers\u2019 none-too-graceful approach.\u00a0 \u201cGuess you can do whatever you want.\u00a0 It\u2019s your<\/em> loft.\u201d<\/p>\n The words might not have meant anything \u2026 but the disgruntled, almost sulky tone hinted otherwise.\u00a0 Joe and Hoss exchanged a glance, then Hoss settled against the wall beside Jamie and tossed his hat into the straw.\u00a0 Jamie tried to edge away, but found he had no place to go.\u00a0 Joe crawled to the open window and swung around, dangling his legs out into the evening.<\/p>\n \u201cHow was your day, young\u2019un?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cIt was fine.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cUh huh.\u00a0 Looks like it was fine.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWell it was.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe snorted softly, only partially bothering to hide his amused disbelief.\u00a0 Jamie leveled him an offended glare, but Joe wasn\u2019t buying any of what the boy was selling.<\/p>\n \u201cSure it was.\u00a0 That\u2019s why you\u2019re out here in the dark instead of inside eating Hop Sing\u2019s cookies and complaining about your homework.\u201d<\/p>\n For a moment Jamie\u2019s jaw worked silently, then \u2026\u00a0 \u201cHop Sing made cookies?\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss barked a laugh and thumped the kid\u2019s shoulder\u2014not as hard as he might have Joe\u2019s, but still enough to send their new brother rocking.\u00a0 Jamie might be taller now, but more than a year of Hop Sing\u2019s cooking hadn\u2019t yet managed to put much meat on his bones.\u00a0 \u201cYou ever known that cookie jar to be empty when you got home from school, boy?\u201d<\/p>\n Obviously he had never given the matter much thought.\u00a0 Jamie straightened a little, then shook his head cautiously.\u00a0 \u201cNo, I \u2026 I guess not.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThink that\u2019s an accident?\u201d<\/p>\n Jamie hesitated, then looked away without answering.\u00a0 For a (very brief) moment, Joe felt a flash of sympathetic pity\u2014he knew what it was like to have Hoss knock an argument out from under him before it had even begun.\u00a0 Before Hoss even knew what they were arguing about.\u00a0 His (their<\/em>) big brother had a sense about these things.<\/p>\n \u201cHow was your day, Jamie?\u201d<\/p>\n The boy fanned almost violently through the burned pages.\u00a0 The large man reached out and closed his hand over the battered old rainmaking book, tugging gently.\u00a0 For a second Jamie resisted, then he sighed and let it go.\u00a0 Hoss cast the leather-bound volume a single disinterested glance\u2014it didn\u2019t mean anything in itself, other than as a clue that their brother was feeling alone and out of place\u2014then chucked it over beside his hat.\u00a0 Hands suddenly free, Jamie rubbed them awkwardly then crossed his arms\u2014a protective gesture if Joe had ever seen one.<\/p>\n \u201cI still don\u2019t see why I gotta go to school, anyway.\u201d\u00a0 Even in the quiet of the loft, the muttered words were almost lost.\u00a0 \u201cI was doin\u2019 fine without it.\u201d<\/p>\n Well \u2026 sort of.<\/p>\n It was an old argument, one that Jamie and Ben had out every few months or so\u2014though in truth, Jamie did most of the arguing.\u00a0 Their pa generally listened, nodded, and then reminded the boy of all the reasons that he would, in fact, be back at the schoolhouse come morning.<\/p>\n Of course, Ben usually stuck to the educational reasons.\u00a0 There were others, but he didn\u2019t talk about those.\u00a0 Not in front of Jamie, anyway.<\/p>\n The fact was that Jamie was a good kid, smart and independent and brash in the face of opposition and disbelief.\u00a0 The boy had been raised in the back of a rainmaker\u2019s wagon\u2014he knew how to stand his ground and brush off ridicule when it came his way.<\/p>\n As long as he could pick up and drive away from it.<\/p>\n What he didn\u2019t<\/em> know was how to settle in for the long haul.\u00a0 The same wagon that had given Jamie a thick skin on the retreat had left their new brother ill-prepared for confrontation from which he couldn\u2019t pull up stakes and drive away.\u00a0 The boy had little practice at socializing, especially with other children.\u00a0 He didn\u2019t know how to make friends or talk to a girl or defend himself without going right onto the offensive.\u00a0 He knew only the basics of how to properly interact with any authority other than his own father, unless it be possibly a sheriff or storekeeper.\u00a0 That wagon had given Jamie a solid sense of himself as an outsider without any idea of how to change\u2014or confidence that he even could<\/em>.\u00a0 He needed the everyday interactions that school offered, and it was that as much as the math and spelling that Ben Cartwright was counting on school to help teach the boy.<\/p>\n \u201cWell Pa, Adam grew up in the back of a wagon and turned out all right.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n \u201cAdam and I stayed in town, and for longer periods of time.\u00a0 We met other families, and he played with their children.\u00a0 He attended school when possible.\u00a0 The women at the boarding houses watched him while I worked.\u201d\u00a0 Ben shook his head.\u00a0 \u201cJamie has known very little but that wagon.\u00a0 Hunter may have loved his son\u2014I have no doubt that he did\u2014but he also did the boy no favors in his rearing.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n It was obvious to anyone who knew him well that Jamie wanted<\/em> to fit in.\u00a0 He was wary and (truth be told) a bit awkward, but if offered some attention and a little praise the kid would perk up like an eager puppy.\u00a0 (It was, Joe had to admit, almost painfully endearing.)\u00a0 That desire to belong also, unfortunately, made Jamie overly sensitive to suggestions that he didn\u2019t<\/em>\u2014and from the way his brother was pulled into himself like a turtle, not to mention the charred pages at Hoss\u2019s feet, it seemed likely that something along those lines had been said.\u00a0 Again.<\/p>\n Kids could be mean \u2026 there was no two ways about it.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat happened, kiddo?\u201d\u00a0 Hoss\u2019s voice was soothing, and Joe knew Jamie would break.<\/p>\n He didn\u2019t.\u00a0 \u201cPa misses Adam an awful lot, doesn\u2019t he?\u201d<\/p>\n The switch caught them both off guard.\u00a0 They exchanged a cautious glance, then Hoss ventured, \u201cWell, yeah.\u00a0 Pa\u2019s more\u2019n ready for ol\u2019 Adam to be back.\u00a0 But he knew\u2014we all did\u2014that it was gonna be awhile.\u201d\u00a0 He lifted a curious brow.\u00a0 \u201cPa\u2019s doin\u2019 fine.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYeah.\u201d\u00a0 Jamie nodded, clasping his hands and studying his fingers.\u00a0 \u201cYeah, I know.\u00a0 But he\u2019s kinda used to havin\u2019 more than just you two around, ain\u2019t he?\u201d<\/p>\n Where exactly was this<\/em> going?\u00a0 \u201cJamie,\u201d Joe cut in, \u201cwhy don\u2019t you just spit out whatever it is you\u2019re trying to ask?\u00a0 Me and Hoss ain\u2019t mind-readers.\u201d<\/p>\n Gentle didn\u2019t seem to be cutting it.<\/p>\n The kid\u2019s blush was fire red, even in the dim light.\u00a0 Jamie shrugged.\u00a0 \u201cWell, I \u2026 I was just thinkin\u2019 about what if maybe Pa took me in because he missed havin\u2019 Adam around and needed somebody else to take up his time.\u201d\u00a0 He rushed on, \u201cI mean, it\u2019s okay if he did, it ain\u2019t like it\u2019d be the first time, but\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss beat Joe to it, but just barely.\u00a0 \u201cNow, what in the world gave you a fool idea like that?\u201d<\/p>\n Jamie shrugged again and looked away.\u00a0 Joe snorted.<\/p>\n \u201cDoes Pa seem particularly bored to you?\u201d<\/p>\n A puzzled frown.\u00a0 \u201cNo \u2026\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThen what could possibly give you the impression that Ben Cartwright was just sitting around looking for something to do?\u201d<\/p>\n Their little brother scowled. \u00a0\u201cThat ain\u2019t what I said.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThen what did<\/em> you say?\u201d\u00a0 Joe swung around, locking the pale eyes with his own. \u201cJamie,\u201d he prodded, \u201ctell us what\u2019s goin\u2019 on.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019s just \u2026\u201d\u00a0 Jamie looked away, then took a deep breath.\u00a0 \u201cWell, Gary Sutter\u2019s pa came by school today\u2014he\u2019s replacin\u2019 that window Gary knocked out throwin\u2019 rocks.\u201d\u00a0 It was the first Joe had heard of the incident, but that didn\u2019t matter.\u00a0 What did matter was that Ed Sutter was a loudmouth who didn\u2019t like their pa and had never taken any pains to hide it.\u00a0 \u201cWe were playin\u2019 baseball. \u00a0Jack got a hit up toward the schoolhouse, and I almost run right into Mr. Sutter\u2014just missed him, but then I hit the pump \u2018cause I was lookin\u2019 at him \u2018stead of where I was goin\u2019.\u201d\u00a0 Embarrassment colored the boy\u2019s words.\u00a0 Jamie had never been terribly coordinated, all arms and legs like a half-grown colt.\u00a0 \u201cAnyways, the ball went under the schoolhouse and I had to look for it, and I think they forgot I was there because I heard Mr. Sutter say that it seemed like Pa just couldn\u2019t help himself\u2014he needed that third bedroom filled up so bad he\u2019d stick almost anybody in there.\u201d\u00a0 Hoss muttered something that didn\u2019t bear repeating.\u00a0 \u201cAnd Missus Hagan said Pa kept a pretty tight rein on his boys and she wondered if he was just wishin\u2019 he hadn\u2019t let Adam go.\u201d\u00a0 Joe had met the schoolteacher a few times, and wasn\u2019t terribly surprised (or impressed).\u00a0 The woman was smug and unsympathetic, and made him grateful for Abigail Jones.\u00a0 \u201cAnd I just got to thinkin\u2019\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWell, don\u2019t.\u201d\u00a0 Jamie blinked, and Hoss scowled deeply.\u00a0 \u201cThat kind of talk ain\u2019t worth your thinkin\u2019, boy.\u00a0 First of all, Pa didn\u2019t let<\/em> Adam do anything.\u00a0 Adam\u2019s a big boy now, he gets to decide these things for hisself.\u00a0 Pa don\u2019t\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWell I<\/em> didn\u2019t say it.\u201d\u00a0 Jamie tugged on a handful of hay.\u00a0 \u201cAnd anyways, after that Missus Hagan said whyever he took me in, Pa must have gone and got attached because she was in town when them outlaws grabbed me and the others, and he really did look like he was afraid of losin\u2019 another child.\u00a0 So I guess he\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAnother<\/em> child!\u201d Hoss exploded.\u00a0 \u201cHe ain\u2019t lost one<\/em> yet!\u00a0 Adam ain\u2019t\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n Somehow, Joe didn\u2019t think that was the point.<\/p>\n \u201cMaybe she was just talkin\u2019.\u00a0 Maybe it was figure of speech.\u201d\u00a0 He hated giving the woman any benefit of the doubt, especially after what they\u2019d just heard, but it wouldn\u2019t help Jamie if they got riled up over the wrong thing.\u00a0 \u201cAdam is<\/em> gone long-term, and Pa does<\/em> miss him.\u201d\u00a0 He cracked a grin and nudged at his little brother\u2019s foot.\u00a0 \u201cAnd Pa does<\/em> keep a pretty tight rein.\u201d\u00a0 Unexpectedly, Jamie snorted back laughter.\u00a0 Hoss nodded encouragement over the boy\u2019s head.\u00a0 \u201cAnd he does love<\/em> you\u2014ain\u2019t no \u2018gone and got attached\u2019 about it\u2014and he was<\/em> afraid of losing you.\u201d\u00a0 Jamie ducked his head.\u00a0 \u201cAnd he was afraid of losing you when your grandpa tried to take you back, and he was afraid of losing you last month when we found you half dead out in the woods.\u00a0 And none of that has anything at all to do with Adam, does it?\u00a0 Every bit of that is about Pa and you<\/em>.\u201d<\/p>\n Jamie grinned faintly.\u00a0 \u201cI \u2026 I guess so.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cDon\u2019t guess<\/em> so, boy.\u00a0 Know so!\u201d\u00a0 Hoss ruffled the fuzzy red hair and Jamie laughed outright, flashing that goofy grin that Joe loved best.<\/p>\n \u201cI \u2026 yeah, okay.\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss lifted an eyebrow.\u00a0 \u201cOkay what?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOkay, I guess I was bein\u2019 \u2026 kinda silly, or somethin\u2019.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cDon\u2019t worry \u2018bout that.\u201d\u00a0 Hoss bumped him gently.\u00a0 \u201cWhat\u2019s family for?\u201d<\/p>\n Jamie shrugged, almost cheerful again, and Joe hated to ask his next question.\u00a0 He did, though, because there was something else\u2014something that had been almost buried in with all the rest, and he wondered if maybe it needed some attention.\u00a0 \u201cWait a minute.\u201d\u00a0 Both of his brothers turned curious eyes on him. \u00a0Joe twirled his hat, and almost lost it out the window.\u00a0 He snatched it back and returned his attention to his young brother.\u00a0 \u201cWhat did you mean, \u2018it ain\u2019t like it\u2019d be the first time\u2019?\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss\u2019s eyes widened.\u00a0 \u201cHey, yeah.\u201d\u00a0 He turned a furrowed brow on the boy.\u00a0 \u201cShortshanks has got a point, kiddo.\u00a0 What did<\/em> you mean by that?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOh, that.\u201d\u00a0 Jamie\u2019s gaze slid away.\u00a0 Absently, he seized another handful of hay.\u00a0 \u201cIt wasn\u2019t nothin\u2019, I was just talkin\u2019.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNow, don\u2019t start that up again.\u201d\u00a0 Hoss thumped one knobby knee.\u00a0 \u201cWhat\u2019d we just say about family?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYeah, but \u2026\u201d\u00a0 Jamie sighed, shredding a couple of stalks.\u00a0 \u201cIt ain\u2019t important.\u201d<\/p>\n He didn\u2019t believe it for a minute\u2014discomfort screamed off of the kid.\u00a0 Joe crossed his arms.\u00a0 \u201cYou brought it up.\u00a0 It must be at least a little important.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWell it ain\u2019t.\u00a0 Not no more.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThat ain\u2019t what I<\/em> heard.\u201d<\/p>\n The boy\u2019s jaw jutted.\u00a0 \u201cWell I don\u2019t know what you<\/em> heard, but it ain\u2019t.\u201d<\/p>\n Irritation surged.\u00a0 The kid was stubborn<\/em> \u2026\u00a0 \u201cLook, all we\u2019re tryin\u2019 to do is help.\u00a0 If you don\u2019t want it, though, there isn\u2019t much I can do about\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n A piercing whistle split the air.\u00a0 Jamie cringed away from their big brother, and Hoss leveled a glare at them both.\u00a0 \u201cEnough!\u00a0 This ain\u2019t gettin\u2019 anybody anywhere.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe rubbed at his ear, scowling.\u00a0 \u201cDown, brother.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWell, you two was about ta get a little off the subject, wasn\u2019t ya?\u201d<\/p>\n Yeah.\u00a0 Probably.\u00a0 Joe mentally kicked himself, remembering just how good Jamie was at diverting any subject he didn\u2019t want to discuss.\u00a0 Before he could return them to the topic at hand, though, their young brother was off down a completely different path.<\/p>\n \u201cHow\u2019d you do that?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhat, the whistle?\u201d\u00a0 Hoss grinned.\u00a0 \u201cAdam taught me that when I was no more\u2019n knee-high to a bullfrog.\u00a0 Don\u2019t know where he picked it up, he don\u2019t remember and Pa sure can\u2019t do it.\u201d\u00a0 The big man nudged their young brother companionably.\u00a0 \u201cI was always better at it than ol\u2019 Adam, though.\u201d\u00a0 He pointed to the gap between his front teeth.\u00a0 \u201cGives me an edge.\u201d<\/p>\n Jamie looked to Joe.\u00a0 \u201cCan you do it?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNot like him.\u201d<\/p>\n What had Hoss been saying about getting off the subject?\u00a0 Seemed like this time, it was big brother who had been successfully diverted.\u00a0 Joe had to hand it to the kid.\u00a0 Although to be fair, Jamie probably was<\/em> genuinely fascinated\u2014the boy\u2019s lips were already beginning to purse experimentally.<\/p>\n \u201cWho taught you<\/em>?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWho do you think?\u201d<\/p>\n The kid turned the most pathetic begging eyes Joe had ever seen onto Hoss.\u00a0 \u201cCan you teach me?\u201d<\/p>\n There was no way their big brother would be able to resist that.\u00a0 The gap-tooth grin widened.\u00a0 \u201cThink you got it in ya, huh?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI know I do!\u201d\u00a0 Jamie threw a smirk at Joe.\u00a0 \u201cBet I can do it better than him, anyway.\u201d<\/p>\n Normally, those would be fightin\u2019 words.\u00a0 Right now, though, he had to think of some way to get this discussion back on track.<\/p>\n \u201cWell, that ain\u2019t too hard.\u201d\u00a0 Hoss snickered.\u00a0 \u201cPunkin\u2019 here don\u2019t really\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n Their cook\u2019s voice bellowed from the yard.\u00a0 \u201cWhere everybody?\u201d\u00a0 As one, the brothers ducked away from the window.\u00a0 \u201cI hear Mr. Hoss whistle, I know you close by!\u00a0 You three not at table soon, dinner get cold and Hop Sing done with you all!\u201d\u00a0 The crash of the front door punctuated Hop Sing\u2019s ultimatum.<\/p>\n Jamie started to scramble up, but Joe yanked him back down.\u00a0 \u201cOh no.\u00a0 We ain\u2019t done yet.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cBut Hop Sing\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAin\u2019t goin\u2019 anywhere.\u00a0 You know he\u2019s not.\u201d\u00a0 Both Hoss and Jamie were casting anxious glances toward the house, though, and Joe sighed.\u00a0 This was getting more complicated by the minute.\u00a0 How had Adam and Hoss done it all these years?\u00a0 He rolled over and hung out the window.\u00a0 \u201cHop Sing!\u201d\u00a0 The front door flew open again, and their cook appeared on the porch.\u00a0 Switching to Cantonese, Joe called, \u201cFifteen minutes!\u00a0 Jamie had a problem at school, we\u2019re talking.<\/em>\u201d<\/p>\n The little man folded his arms.\u00a0 \u201cAnd whistling?\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019s a long story.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n Hop Sing glanced past Joe, though he couldn\u2019t have seen into the loft.\u00a0 Despite his disgruntled posture, the little man\u2019s concern was obvious to anyone who knew him well.\u00a0 He too had a soft spot for the newest Cartwright.\u00a0 \u201cThe boy was certainly in something of a mood when he came home.\u00a0 Take whatever time you need\u2014I\u2019ll keep dinner warm.\u00a0 And make more cookies.<\/em>\u201d<\/p>\n Cookies.\u00a0 Hop Sing\u2019s answer to most any childhood ill.\u00a0 Joe remembered warm batches by the dozen during his own growing up years \u2026<\/p>\n \u201cD\u00f2jeh!\u201d^<\/em>\u00a0 He pulled himself back in and turned on his brothers.\u00a0 \u201cThere.\u00a0 Hop Sing is\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhat did you just say?\u201d Jamie demanded.<\/p>\n Joe glowered.\u00a0 \u201cI said we\u2019re getting off the subject.\u201d\u00a0 Hoss at least had the grace to look abashed.\u00a0 Jamie only looked defiant.<\/p>\n \u201cI told you, I didn\u2019t\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou said<\/em> it was okay if Pa took you in because he was missin\u2019 Adam.\u201d\u00a0 Joe settled back against the window frame, crossing his arms firmly.\u00a0 \u201cWe both heard it, right Hoss?\u201d\u00a0 The big man nodded agreeably.\u00a0 \u201cWhich we all know wouldn\u2019t<\/em> be okay, because what\u2019s the first thing we promised you when you joined this family?\u201d<\/p>\n Jamie sighed and reluctantly resettled, mumbling beneath his breath. \u00a0Hoss nudged him.\u00a0 \u201cWhat was that, kiddo?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cEquality,\u201d the boy bit out, looking anywhere but at the two of them.<\/p>\n \u201cEquality,\u201d Joe confirmed, kicking at Jamie\u2019s boots again.\u00a0 \u201cWe were born to Pa, and he picked you.\u00a0 I know he\u2019s told you that a dozen times\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAin\u2019t been a dozen.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe tipped a grin at his big brother.\u00a0 \u201cAt least<\/em> a dozen, right Hoss?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAt least,\u201d Hoss nodded, cheerfully unrepentant in the face of Jamie\u2019s scowl.<\/p>\n \u201cAnd,\u201d Joe plowed stubbornly on, \u201cI know me and Hoss said when Pa made it legal that we were all gonna\u00a0 be brothers with no difference. Didn\u2019t matter what anybody else thought, we<\/em> decided that\u2019s how it was gonna be, and that\u2019s how it is.\u00a0 Right?\u201d<\/p>\n The boy rolled one shoulder, looking distinctly uncomfortable.\u00a0 \u201cYeah.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cSo.\u201d\u00a0 Joe leaned forward, trying to catch Jamie\u2019s gaze.\u00a0 \u201cYou know<\/em> you\u2019re not second to the rest of us, you know that ain\u2019t why Pa wanted you or we wanted you, but you worried about it anyway?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo!\u00a0 I didn\u2019t really, that ain\u2019t what I\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou brought it up like it\u2019s happened before, though.\u00a0 So, what about that?\u201d<\/p>\n Memory and stubborn defiance and hurt<\/em> flickered across the boy\u2019s face, so fast that Joe could barely keep up.\u00a0 Finally Jamie sighed.\u00a0 \u201cWell \u2026\u201d he offered cautiously.\u00a0 \u201cYou know.\u00a0 When my grandfather came.\u201d\u00a0 Joe and Hoss nodded briefly.\u00a0 It was no real surprise that Ferris Callahan would be the first person out of their brother\u2019s mouth.\u00a0 \u201cYou don\u2019t think he wanted me for me<\/em>, do you?\u00a0 He didn\u2019t even know<\/em> me.\u201d\u00a0 Jamie tossed his handful of hay toward the window.\u00a0 \u201cHe wanted my ma, really.\u00a0 He never wanted her to marry my pa, and he always wanted her back after she was gone.\u00a0 I was just the closest he could get.\u201d\u00a0 He leveled a challenging glare across the loft.\u00a0 \u201cAnd don\u2019t tell me it ain\u2019t true.\u201d<\/p>\n It \u2026 was hard to argue with the kid, not when the three older Cartwrights had all privately reached the same conclusion.<\/p>\n Some of the fight went out of Jamie, and his shoulders slumped.\u00a0 \u201cSometimes, though, I think my pa wanted the same thing.\u00a0 He was always tellin\u2019 people how much I looked like my ma, and how much I sounded like my ma.\u00a0 When people asked him if it was hard takin\u2019 care of a kid on the road, he always said he couldn\u2019t give me up \u2018cause I was all he had left of her.\u201d<\/p>\n The silence was awkward this time.\u00a0 Finally, Hoss sighed.\u00a0 \u201cJamie, that don\u2019t necessarily \u2026 I mean, it\u2019s hard for a man when his wife dies.\u00a0 You know that.\u00a0 Pa done it three times, and it was like a little piece of him died for a while with each one of \u2018em.\u00a0 Every man handles that kinda loss different, and comes through it different.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOh, sure.\u00a0 I know.\u201d\u00a0 Jamie rested his chin on his knees, scratching at the loft floor.\u00a0 \u201cAnd my pa loved me, I know he did.\u00a0 Just sometimes \u2026\u201d\u00a0 He shook himself.\u00a0 \u201cLike I said, it don\u2019t matter.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cSure it does.\u201d\u00a0 Hoss tousled the red hair again, and Jamie offered a pale grin.\u00a0 \u201cAin\u2019t like there\u2019s much we can do about it, kiddo, but it matters<\/em>.\u201d<\/p>\n The boy returned his chin to his knees and his gaze to his feet.\u00a0 In the heavy evening dusk Jamie\u2019s silhouette blended into the wall, making him hard to pick out.\u00a0 For a long moment all the brothers could hear were the sounds of the ranch settling down\u2014the horses in the barn below, cattle in the distance, the muted buzz of bunkhouse conversation.\u00a0 Joe was thinking it was probably time for them to head inside\u2014keep Hop Sing happy\u2014when Jamie added quietly, \u201cAnother lady said she wanted to keep me too once, but that \u2026 didn\u2019t work out.\u201d<\/p>\n In all the time he had known the kid, it was the first Joe had heard of it.\u00a0 A covert glance confirmed Hoss\u2019s similar confusion, a barely visible shrug.\u00a0 Not sure what to say, and not wanting to shut the kid down, Joe finally ventured, \u201cYeah?\u201d<\/p>\n He thought for a second Jamie had changed his mind, but then, \u201cYeah.\u00a0 I was nine, we were over in California for a while.\u00a0 I\u2019d been wantin\u2019 to \u2026 well, I\u2019d kinda noticed that other kids didn\u2019t move around all the time\u2014they stayed in one place, went to school.\u00a0 I asked my pa if we could stay somewhere for a while, but he \u2026 well, \u2018course we couldn\u2019t.\u00a0 That ain\u2019t how rainmakin\u2019 works, I know that now.\u201d\u00a0 The boy rustled, shuffling his feet and wiping his eyes, and a soft sniff drifted out of the dark.<\/p>\n It wasn\u2019t, Joe supposed, so strange that the boy had waited until nobody could see him cry.\u00a0 Apparently, this was a bigger deal than Ferris Callahan.<\/p>\n \u201cAnyways, we were headed out of one little town pretty fast one night\u2014I don\u2019t think they was chasin\u2019 us yet, but Pa thought they might\u2014and Pa thought we could go up a steeper hill than we could.\u00a0 The whole wagon went over backward, and me with it.\u201d\u00a0 Jamie laughed shortly.\u00a0 \u201cI was lucky it didn\u2019t roll right over the top of me.\u201d\u00a0 He wasn\u2019t kidding.\u00a0 That kind of accident was dangerous, and a shiver shook Joe just thinking about it.\u00a0 \u201cI landed on a rock, though, and one of our trunks came down right on top of me.\u00a0 I was pretty lucky, the way it hit it just went on goin\u2019 and didn\u2019t crush nothin\u2019, but I broke a coupla ribs and cracked my shoulder blade.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYour shoulder blade?\u201d\u00a0 Hoss\u2019s tone rang with wry shock and sympathy.\u00a0 Even out here, where ranching and mining accidents abounded, it wasn\u2019t a common injury.<\/p>\n \u201cYeah.\u201d\u00a0 Their young brother\u2019s glum tone matched.\u00a0 \u201cThem ribs wouldn\u2019ta been no problem on their own, but that shoulder blade \u2026 I couldn\u2019t move my arm.\u00a0 Couldn\u2019t carry anything, couldn\u2019t get in the wagon by myself.\u00a0 Couldn\u2019t even ride<\/em> in the wagon without cryin\u2019 or yellin\u2019 or passin\u2019 right out.\u201d\u00a0 Jamie sighed.\u00a0 \u201cCourse, that meant I couldn\u2019t really travel nowhere, and Pa had to keep goin\u2019.\u00a0 We was always short on money, people don\u2019t always \u2026\u201d\u00a0 Another sniff, and he moved quickly on.\u00a0 Joe let him\u2014there was no need to express his opinion of a man who would leave his injured nine year old son with a stranger to continue drifting.\u00a0 It wouldn\u2019t help anything.\u00a0 \u201cHe took me to the doctor in the next town, and paid the widow who run the boarding house to look after me.\u00a0 Mrs. Peterson.\u201d\u00a0 The boy took another shaky breath.\u00a0 \u201cMrs. Peterson.\u201d<\/p>\n Another moment of silence, and \u00a0Joe prodded gently.\u00a0 \u201cMrs. Peterson?\u201d<\/p>\n A long sigh.\u00a0 \u201cShe was real good to me, she treated me like \u2026 like I was her own son.\u201d\u00a0 There was something odd in Jamie\u2019s voice, but it was hard to place without being able to see his face.\u00a0 \u201cHer husband and son had been killed in a loggin\u2019 accident a couple years back.\u00a0 She was still missin\u2019 them pretty bad, and she\u2019d tell me about them.\u00a0 I liked listenin\u2019 to her talk\u2014she\u2019d settle me in her chair or on the couch and just talk while she cleaned or cooked or sewed.\u00a0 It was \u2026 nice.\u00a0 It was what I thought \u2026 havin\u2019 a real home might be like, ya know?\u201d<\/p>\n It felt wrong suddenly, being across the loft for \u2026 well, whatever they were hearing.\u00a0 Joe closed the distance in a swift, smooth slide, landing on the wall beside his young brother.\u00a0 He didn\u2019t touch him\u2014he was afraid of breaking whatever spell had Jamie sharing rather than avoiding his past life\u2014but slid one boot to rest against the scrawny hip.\u00a0 Contact, but no crowding.<\/p>\n He\u2019d seen Hoss manage Adam that way any number of times (not him\u2014it was usually better if he just left that task to the big guy), and it seemed like the right play here too.<\/p>\n Sure enough, Jamie hesitated but then kept on.\u00a0 \u201cWhen I got to feelin\u2019 better I started helpin\u2019 her around the place, and she started talkin\u2019 about \u2026 well, she wanted me to stay.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cLive with her?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYeah.\u00a0 She \u2026 she said I could have the big room at the end of the hall, and go to school, and have friends over whenever I wanted \u2026\u201d\u00a0 Joe felt more than saw the shrug.\u00a0 \u201cIt was \u2026 I wanted to stay with her, I wanted to have all them things, but I didn\u2019t \u2026\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cDidn\u2019t want ta leave your Pa?\u201d Hoss offered.<\/p>\n \u201cWell, yeah. \u00a0I mean, things weren\u2019t always great, but \u2026 he was my pa.\u00a0 I \u2026 you know.\u00a0 I wanted to be with him.\u201d<\/p>\n The boy rocked gently\u2014probably Hoss had bumped him from the other side.\u00a0 \u201cCourse you did.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cBut I wanted to go to school too.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe snickered.\u00a0 \u201cGot over that, didn\u2019t you?\u201d<\/p>\n A pause, and then a watery giggle.\u00a0 \u201cYeah, I guess.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cSo, you went with your pa.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYeah.\u201d<\/p>\n Silence fell, and Joe realized that the kid had finally run dry.\u00a0 \u201cJamie?\u201d\u00a0 Nothing.\u00a0 He nudged with his boot tip.\u00a0 \u201cCome on, kiddo.\u00a0 Don\u2019t stop now.\u201d<\/p>\n There was a reason Jamie had started this, and he was pretty sure they weren\u2019t there yet.<\/p>\n \u201cYou know \u2026\u201d\u00a0 The young voice was soft.\u00a0 \u201cThey fought about it.\u00a0 Right there in Mrs. Peterson\u2019s living room, between the front door and her flowery couch.\u00a0 She had the ugliest couch I ever seen \u2026 Anyways, Pa kept goin\u2019 on about me bein\u2019 his son, and Mrs. Peterson \u2026 well, she kept sayin\u2019 that Pa couldn\u2019t take me away again.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe sat back.\u00a0 \u201cAgain?\u201d<\/p>\n The kid\u2019s laugh held no humor this time.\u00a0 \u201cYep.\u00a0 And when Pa told me to go get in the wagon, she hugged me and called me Jeremy and begged me not to go.\u201d<\/p>\n Jeremy.\u00a0 \u201cHer son?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cUh huh.\u201d\u00a0 Jamie leaned his head against the wall, staring up into the blackness overhead.\u00a0 \u201cAnd I stood there in the middle and listened to \u2018em\u2014Pa sayin\u2019 I was his son and all he had left of Ma, and Mrs. Peterson callin\u2019 me Jeremy and askin\u2019 me not to leave again\u2014and I just knew that neither one of \u2018em remembered I was actually there at all.\u201d<\/p>\n Well.\u00a0 This went a ways toward explaining a few things, he supposed.\u00a0 Joe finally slung an arm around the scrawny shoulders, careful not to dislodge the large hand petting Jamie\u2019s hair.\u00a0 He was relieved when the gesture wasn\u2019t immediately rejected\u2014fifteen was an awkward age, and they could never be sure when a hug would be considered beneath the kid\u2019s teenage dignity.<\/p>\n It was hard to know what to say.\u00a0 The widow had obviously been injured by the loss of her family, grieving and alone.\u00a0 And Hunter \u2026 though Joe had never met the man and wasn\u2019t always terribly impressed with his parenting skills, Jamie had a love for his pa that just didn\u2019t speak of a man who was more focused on his dead wife than his living son.\u00a0 As Hoss had said, every man handled that kind of loss differently.\u00a0 Whether Hunter was still working out his grief or whether it had been a poor way of expressing his love for his son, there was no way to know.\u00a0 Whatever the truth, though, a nine year old child hadn\u2019t been prepared to sift through the complexities and come up with the reality behind his father\u2019s words.\u00a0 Even if Hunter had meant nothing like what Jamie had taken away from the incident, the uncertainty had still be planted.<\/p>\n \u201cWell, we<\/em> know you\u2019re here.\u201d\u00a0 Hoss\u2019s voice rumbled through the darkness, and he thumped the boy (gently) on the back of the head.\u00a0 \u201cAnd we know the difference between you and ol\u2019 Adam.\u201d\u00a0 He chuckled.\u00a0 \u201cCan\u2019t help but.\u00a0 And we love him<\/em>\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhen we don\u2019t want to kill him,\u201d Joe interjected, drawing a wry frown from Hoss.<\/p>\n \u201cAnd we love you<\/em>\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhen we don\u2019t want the same.\u201d\u00a0 It was a risk, but it paid off\u2014the kid actually laughed, digging with one elbow in the direction of Joe\u2019s ribs.<\/p>\n \u201cAnd life wouldn\u2019t be the same without both<\/em> of you.\u00a0 That\u2019s a fact.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe clapped Jamie\u2019s shoulder then, and released him.\u00a0 \u201cSo.\u00a0 Got it?\u201d<\/p>\n Jamie nodded, dragging a sleeve across his eyes.\u00a0 \u201cYeah.\u00a0 I got it.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou gonna be okay?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYeah.\u00a0 Course I am.\u201d\u00a0 Their brother squinted out into the dark yard, and dragged another sigh from the bottom of his toes.\u00a0 \u201cBut \u2026 can you guys give me a second?\u00a0 I\u2019ll be right down, I promise, I just … need a minute.\u201d<\/p>\n Sometimes it took a while to put yourself together after somethin\u2019 like this\u2014Joe knew that himself from long experience.\u00a0 He grinned, and rolled to his feet.\u00a0 \u201cSure.\u00a0 But I can\u2019t promise how long we can keep Hop Sing and his cookies at bay.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cIf he brings cookies, send him on up,\u201d Jamie laughed, offering an extra heave from behind as Hoss hauled himself up.\u00a0 The big man shook a finger at the scrawny figure.<\/p>\n \u201cYou show some respect, young man.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI always respect you, Hoss.\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss snorted, and Joe cackled, and Jamie sprawled out as the two men ambled across the loft and down the ladder.<\/p>\n They were alone in the yard, most of the hands having retired to the bunkhouse for the evening, and they crossed in companionable silence.\u00a0 As they stepped up onto the porch, Hoss put a light hand on Joe\u2019s arm.<\/p>\n \u201cYou do \u2018big brother\u2019 real good, little brother.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe thumped the solid bulk beside him.\u00a0 \u201cWell, I learned from the best.\u201d\u00a0 His grin flashed.\u00a0 \u201cWay more useful than that whistle, anyway.\u201d\u00a0 His laughter followed him into the brightly lit house, cut off by the closing door.\u00a0 Hoss paused on the porch, shook his head, and grinned.<\/p>\n \u201cThe best, huh?\u00a0 Well, I did too.\u201d\u00a0 He glanced up at the stars, wondering if Adam could see the same ones where he was.\u00a0 \u201cHurry on home, brother.\u00a0 It ain\u2019t right without ya.\u201d\u00a0 Then Hoss pushed open the great wooden door and went looking for supper.<\/p>\n –The End\u2014<\/p>\n <\/p>\n *Second Sight (season 13)<\/p>\n ^ Cantonese has two forms of \u2018thank you\u2019.\u00a0 I wasn\u2019t quite sure which was appropriate here, but I chose to use the response for a gift rather than a service.<\/p>\n The cards (words\/phrases) dealt to me were:<\/p>\n Shoulder blade
\nFear of losing another child
\nEquality
\nBook\/journal
\nA Whistle<\/p>\n