Summary:\u00a0 \u00a0A trip to Yerington has tragic consequences for the Cartwrights.<\/p>\n
Rating:\u00a0 PG\u00a0 (Warning:\u00a0 Character Death)<\/p>\n
Word Count:\u00a0 \u00a04,271<\/p>\n
Wavering Series:<\/strong><\/p>\n Wavering<\/a> <\/p>\n Grief teaches the steadiest minds to waver. \u2013 Sophocles<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n \u00a0<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n * * * * *<\/p>\n \u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n I could see the heat from the late afternoon sun rising off the earth in shimmering waves \u2013 a silent testament to how hot it had become so early in June. I couldn\u2019t wait to get to our friends, the Bynums, and take refuge from the oppressive weather inside their ranch house. The trees in the distance wavered before my eyes, and slow trickles of sweat rolled down my back.<\/p>\n Joe, Hoss, and I had been in Yerington for the past week and the horses we bought from old man Drake were well worth the trip.\u00a0 I wasn’t so sure, but I guess Joe’s affinity for horseflesh paid off. \u00a0The string was a fine one, and Joe had made the right decision. Not that I could tell him that \u2013 his ego was already big enough without my adding to it.<\/p>\n Since Joe wasn\u2019t legally old enough to sign the final papers, he and our middle brother had left me to take care of the final details of the sale. They had about an hour\u2019s lead on me and should be resting at our friend\u2019s home by now. It was a two day ride back to the ranch, and it would be nice to have a decent supper rather than jerky on the trail.<\/p>\n Shifting in the saddle, I tried to find an easier position to ride in. It hadn\u2019t been the most comfortable day’s worth of sitting I could remember. I couldn\u2019t wait to get back home and in my own bed. He hoped that, by the time he arrived, he wouldn\u2019t be permanently bow-legged.<\/p>\n Passing through the stand of trees that marked the border of the Bynum ranch, the distant sound of gunshots caused Sport to dance nervously for a moment. My heart lurched in fear. I knew things had been peaceful with the Indians, but there was always a possibility of renegades this far out.<\/p>\n I spurred my mount into a faster gait, and it wasn\u2019t long before the small log structure came into view. The doorway was open and swinging. I closed my eyes, dreading what lay beyond.<\/p>\n Quickly dismounting and tying Sport next to my brother\u2019s horses at the hitching rail, I eased my gun from its holster and noted several fresh tracks in the yard \u2013 more tracks than my brothers would account for. I silently made my way to the gaping entrance and stopped short at the sight which greeted me.<\/p>\n The first thing I noticed was the cloying smell of blood when I crossed the threshold. The second thing I noticed was that Vivian, Matthew, and my brothers were lying in growing pools of the stuff. Swallowing the nausea in the back of my throat, I could readily see there was nothing I could do for the Bynums. I pushed the knowledge from my mind as I holstered my gun and hurried over to my brothers to kneel between the two of them.<\/p>\n I could feel the blood soaking through the dark material of my pants, but I couldn\u2019t allow myself to think about whose blood it was. I started to reach for Hoss but noticed my hands were shaking. I pulled them back and tried to steady my hands as well as my breathing. I wouldn\u2019t do them any good if I couldn\u2019t get control of myself.<\/p>\n Hoss was flat on his back, unconscious, with a gunshot wound high on his chest. I ripped at the fabric, and it gave easily. The wound wasn\u2019t large. His chest rose and fell but, otherwise, he made no other movements. Lifting him slightly, I ran my hands under his back and couldn\u2019t find an exit wound. \u2018Maybe I can keep an infection from setting if I can clean it out good enough.\u2019<\/em><\/p>\n \u201cHoss, I need to check on Joe before I get you bandaged.\u201d<\/p>\n Patting his shoulder and leaving a blood stained hand print on the white shirt, I moved over to our youngest brother. Joe was sprawled face down with a large patch of blood spreading across his back. I pulled at the tan material and couldn\u2019t hold back the bitter curses at the sight. It was an ugly wound and in a bad place \u2013 near his spine. Carefully, I turned him over to find a matching hole in his chest. He was still breathing, but it was fast, shallow. His face was waxen and a rivulet of blood ran from the corner of his mouth.<\/p>\n My heart felt like it was trying to escape from my chest as I recognized the implications of that small bit of blood on Joe\u2019s face\u2014internal damage. I closed my eyes and sent a quick prayer heavenwards. When I opened them, I had to pry my fingers loose from his shirt.<\/p>\n \u201cJoe, listen to me. I need you to stay here while I go look for things to make bandages. Just\u2026stay here.\u201d After placing a reassuring squeeze on Joe\u2019s arm, I slowly got up and looked around me for the first time.<\/p>\n I was astonished at the damage \u2013 whoever had done this had done a good job. Furniture lay on its side and papers were scattered about the place. Stepping carefully, I made my way to the back of the house where the path of destruction continued.<\/p>\n Shoving a bookcase out of my way, I entered Vivian and Matthew\u2019s bedroom. My eyes darted about the room\u2014spying the sheets tossed carelessly on the floor. I snatched the cloth and headed back the way I had come.<\/p>\n Now I needed something to use to clean out the wounds. I could see broken glass everywhere \u2013 Matthew\u2019s stock of brandy was a puddle near the front door. I hoped water would be enough to keep my brothers\u2019 injuries from festering.<\/p>\n I shook myself free of the horror before me and headed for the small kitchen. I stopped to check on Joe, placing the sheets next to him. I let out a sigh of relief. He hadn\u2019t gone anywhere. I glanced at Hoss \u2013 still unconscious.<\/p>\n Reluctantly, I left my brothers to search for something to clean their wounds out. As I looked around the kitchen, I had to maneuver around the chaos to find a bowl still intact. I spotted a dented mixing bowl on the counter. Grabbing it, I filled it with water. I scanned the room and found a clean dish towel. I turned from the room, needing my brothers to still be with me.<\/p>\n I didn\u2019t know who to help first. Joe would take more time than Hoss. Our middle brother could wait, while younger brother couldn\u2019t. My will wasn\u2019t strong enough this time to keep my hands from shaking. I sat the bowl and towel down, reaching for the sheets I had discarded earlier. Working swiftly, I tore the material in strips.<\/p>\n \u201cJust checking, kid,\u201d I whispered \u2013 a trembling hand searched for a pulse in Joe\u2019s neck. It was there \u2013 weak and thready but there.<\/p>\n I pulled the shirt away from his body and winced at the sight.\u00a0 Discarding the ruined material, I placed the bowl next to me. I began the difficult task of washing the blood and violence away from my youngest brother. Small moans of pain as I worked let me know Joe was still with us. By the time I had finished, the water had turned red. I lifted him up and bound his chest as well as I could. \u2018Please, Lord, let it be enough.\u2019<\/em>\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n I left long enough to change out the water. I went to Hoss and pulled at his shirt, too. The wound looked red and swollen beneath the blood. Working quickly, I cleaned his wound and bound his arm to his chest. At the end of my task, I was grateful to see him stirring.<\/p>\n Leaning over him, I asked, \u201cHoss, can you hear me?\u201d<\/p>\n I watched as his eyelids twitched, a frown taking up residence on his face. After a few moments, his eyes opened. I found a smile from somewhere for him. I put my hand to his forehead, checking for signs of a fever \u2013 so far so good. \u201cHow\u2019re you feeling?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cLike I got shot,\u201d Hoss rasped, trying to joke. He looked around for a moment before looking back at me. \u201cHow\u2019s Joe?\u201d<\/p>\n God help me, I couldn\u2019t meet his eyes when I answered. \u201cNot so good. He\u2019s got a bad wound to his back and chest. He hasn\u2019t stirred much since I got here.\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss\u2019s eyes squeezed shut for a moment. His breathing was harsh and lines of pain had formed on his face.<\/p>\n \u201cAnd what about\u2014\u201d Hoss started to ask, but I interrupted before he could finish.<\/p>\n \u201cThey\u2019re dead \u2013 there was nothing I could do to help.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI-I know there wasn\u2019t, Adam. I\u2014\u201d he stopped speaking and turned away from me. I placed a hand on his shoulder, offering what comfort I could. There would be plenty to time later to talk.<\/p>\n \u201cHoss, I need you to watch Joe for me,\u201d I said while Hoss struggled to keep his pain hidden from me. I hoped this task would keep him focused on something besides the death of our friends. \u201cI need to\u2026take care of a few things. I\u2019ll be back as quickly as possible.\u201d<\/p>\n He didn\u2019t say anything but nodded his head. Cursing myself for not thinking of it sooner, I head back into the bedrooms looking for pillows and decided to take the mattress, too. Joe and Hoss would need something soft besides a hard floor for sleeping. I headed back to my brothers with what I had found.<\/p>\n I placed the bedding away from the blood on the floor and, taking the rag I had discarded, cleaned up the area as best I could. I didn\u2019t want them to sleep in their own blood. After I had gotten the bedding in place, I helped Hoss maneuver on to it before getting Joe. I tried to be gentle when I picked him, but from his whimpers I wasn’t successful. He was pale, and the trail of blood still came from his mouth. I hoped we\u2019d have enough bandages to last the night \u2013 his already had a patch of red seeping through.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019ll be done as soon as I can, okay?\u201d I looked at my brother as I stood up. \u201cJust keep an eye on him, and don\u2019t you move either.\u201d<\/p>\n I wasn\u2019t sure how long I worked at burying the bodies. By the time I had finished, the moon was rising and the first stars were visible. I took care of the horses while I was outside. I had been glad to see a wagon in the barn, and a good team of horses in the corral. It\u2019d make my job of getting my brothers to a doctor sooner much easier.<\/p>\n I grabbed our saddlebags, bedrolls, and canteens and headed back to the house. Entering the home, I tossed everything down by the door and bolted us in for the night. I turned and could see Joe was still out. I knelt next to him, and he felt cool to my hand. Hoss had passed out and, when I felt his forehead, was beginning to run a temperature. I went back for the blankets and carefully covered my brothers.<\/p>\n I settled myself down next to the mattress. It was going to be a long night.<\/p>\n * * * * *<\/p>\n A soft noise near dawn woke me from my light doze. Glancing at Hoss, he didn\u2019t seem to have moved since I\u2019d last checked him. I moved my gaze back to Joe and was startled to see a pair of tired green eyes staring back at me.<\/p>\n I found a smile somewhere and leaned towards Joe. I wiped at the blood that had dried on his chin. \u201cHey, how\u2019re you feeling?\u201d<\/p>\n His mouth moved but no words came out. I reached for one of our canteens and lifted his head. Carefully, I poured water into his mouth, and he drank a few swallows. \u201cWant more?\u201d<\/p>\n He weakly shook his head, and I replaced the cork. I lay him back on the pile of pillows, careful to not jar him and start the bleeding again. I had finally gotten it under control a couple of hours earlier.<\/p>\n \u201cHappened?\u201d he breathed.<\/p>\n \u201cI don\u2019t know \u2013 I heard shots and when I got here you and Hoss were hurt. I didn\u2019t see anyone riding away.\u201d A bit of movement flashed out of the corner of my eye, and I reached out to grasp his hand in mine. \u201cYou\u2019ll be alright once I get you to Doc Martin.\u201d<\/p>\n Even as I said the words, I knew what a lie they were. Joe\u2019s breathing was becoming more labored and there was no color left in his face. It would be a miracle for Joe to survive this one. We needed a miracle, and I wasn\u2019t above begging for one either.<\/p>\n He smiled at me and weakly squeezed my hand as if letting me know he would be fine \u2013 one way or another. My heart constricted at the thought. His eyes closed, and his lolled to one side. I reached out and felt for a pulse and found one.<\/p>\n I lay back down but didn\u2019t relinquish my hold on Joe. I waited for dawn, counting the breaths my younger brother made.<\/p>\n The next couple of hours passed slowly. I was thankful for every soft inhalation Joe took. Hoss\u2019s fever continued to rise, and the wet clothes on his forehead seemed to do little to help. He called out for Joe and our pa at times. More often than not, he simply mumbled incoherently.<\/p>\n When I saw the first streaks of light crossing the sky, I hurried outside to hitch up the wagon. We needed to get an early start \u2013 at best we were four hours from the nearest town. I looked through the barn, searching for the cover to the buckboard. I didn\u2019t need for my brother\u2019s to get a sunburn or worse on top of everything else. Finding what I looked for, I quickly had the tarp covering the bed of the wagon.<\/p>\n Hurrying back into the house, I went about making coffee and breakfast. I needed something easy for Joe and Hoss to eat. I settled for a broth made from beef jerky and beans. It wouldn\u2019t be very good but would keep their strength up for the journey home.<\/p>\n I put the soup in cups I\u2019d found and went back to the living room. Hoss was awake and seemed to be alert. I knelt next to him, helping him sit up. \u201cI know this isn\u2019t as good as that mesquite beans recipe you\u2019re known for, but it\u2019ll have to do for now.\u201d<\/p>\n His fevered eyes focused on me, and he let out a harsh laugh. \u201cYou ain\u2019t never gonna let me live that down, are ya?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWould you let me or Joe live it down?\u201d I asked, helping him eat the soup since he only had one free arm.<\/p>\n \u201cAw, now, you know I\u2019d never breathe a word to nobody about it.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cSure you wouldn\u2019t.\u201d A weak voice startled both of us as Hoss finished his breakfast. I grinned at the larger man and moved to Joe\u2019s side.<\/p>\n \u201cYou feel like eating some broth before we head out? I promise not a mesquite bean in sight.\u201d My sad attempt at a joke got a twitch of Joe\u2019s lips. I propped him up with pillows and spooned the soup into him. After a few mouthfuls, he turned his head away. I\u2019d always known when to pick my battles and this just wasn\u2019t worth the cost.<\/p>\n \u201cOkay you two, I need to change the bandages before getting the mattress in the back of the wagon.\u201d<\/p>\n I gathered my strength and supplies. By the time I was finished, all of us were sweating. Hoss\u2019s wound looked angry in its redness, streaks of infection radiating out from the center. Joe\u2019s injuries didn\u2019t show any signs of becoming infected. I wasn\u2019t sure he could handle that on top of the damage already caused by the gunshots.<\/p>\n I helped them to settle on the floor as comfortably as possible while I loaded the back of the buckboard. With our meager gear, it didn\u2019t take long. I was glad Hoss was awake because it made it a bit easier to get him settle on the mattress. Joe, however, I wished had been unconscious. I gathered him to me, and he let out a low yelp of pain. Every step I took, he moaned. I found myself whispering nonsensical words, praying he would be alright.<\/p>\n I wasn\u2019t sure I would be okay after this. Once I had him situated on the bedding, I looked at his makeshift dressing. It had started bleeding again and red was seeping through the material. The small trickle of blood was back, too. Bitter curses welled in me at the sight, and I couldn\u2019t suppress them. I tried to find calmness to deal with this but found myself wishing Pa was here, instead.<\/p>\n \u201cHoss, I need to help me keep an eye on him. Give a yell if you need anything back, you hear?\u201d I watched him nod his head in agreement. I patted the arm near me and backed out of the wagon.<\/p>\n \u201cAdam\u2026\u201d the weak voice of Joe stopped me just as I was about to jump down. I hurried back and knelt by him. He reached a hand towards me, and I didn\u2019t hesitate as I grasped it. \u201cYou\u2019ll be just fine. Just wait and see.\u201d<\/p>\n His gripped loosened in mine. He was unconscious again and that, I suppose, was a blessing. Tucking his arm under the blanket again, I said, \u201cYou\u2019re right. We\u2019ll be as right as rain in no time.\u201d<\/p>\n I left Hoss to keep watch, and I jumped out of back of the buckboard. After tying our horses to the back of the wagon, I moved to climb into the driver\u2019s seat. Snapping the reins, we got off to a slightly rocky start as the team pulled us forward. The movement evened out, and we were on our way home.<\/p>\n * * * * *<\/p>\n After the first few miles, I\u2019d made it a habit to stop and check on Hoss and Joe. Hoss\u2019s fever had begun to climb again, and I knew he wouldn\u2019t be able to call out for help should either of them need it. We\u2019d finally passed the border of the Ponderosa, but I decided to head straight for Virginia City. I hoped we would meet a ranch hand to send for Pa. So far, we hadn\u2019t found anyone, and I wasn\u2019t willing to make the detour.<\/p>\n Hopping down from the driver\u2019s seat for our next stop, I climbed in back. Hoss was unconscious again. His skin felt papery to the touch when I felt it to gauge his fever. I lifted his head and carefully let water trickle into his mouth. When he\u2019d drank what I considered a good amount, I eased him back down and moved to Joe.<\/p>\n Joe, bless him, was still with us. I\u2019d had to change his bandages two more times since we\u2019d left the Bynum ranch, but he was still hanging on. I wiped at the persistent bit of blood coming from his mouth. He hadn\u2019t regain consciousness since I\u2019d put him back here \u2013 in a way I was grateful. He was pain free but there wasn\u2019t the reassurance of his voice, either.<\/p>\n \u201cJoe, it\u2019s just a few more miles. You\u2019ll be at Doc\u2019s office, and Pa will be there, too.\u201d I reached behind me for the canteen when I heard his voice.<\/p>\n \u201cAdam\u2026A-Adam\u2026\u201d he breathed. Canteen forgotten, I turned around to face him. I leaned over him, resting my hand on his shoulder.<\/p>\n \u201cJoe? Do you need something? Water?\u201d<\/p>\n He barely shook his head, and tried to focus on me. His breathing was shallower than I remembered, and it scared me. I heard the one sound I never wanted to hear from one of my brothers: a death rattle. I\u2019d heard it many times in my life and never wanted to associate it with Hoss or Joe.<\/p>\n \u201cJoe?\u201d I asked after the continued silence from him. The blood from his mouth was flowing more freely, and I hoped we\u2019d get to Paul\u2019s office soon.<\/p>\n His hand twitched, and I moved my hand from his shoulder to grasp it tightly. I could feel a lump form in my throat and could barely breathe around it. I let my other hand rest in his hair \u2013 almost in benediction.<\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019ll be okay, Adam, you\u2019ll see,\u201d he said, trying his best to reassure me. His breathing was coming in shorter and shorter gasps. \u201cAdam\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cJoe?\u201d I choked on his name. I lifted him, hoping to ease his breathing. I didn\u2019t want to hear this from him \u2013 it sounded like the words of a dying man. I watched as he took a slightly deeper breath before exhaling on a sigh. His hand became limp in mine and no inhalation followed. His eyes stared ahead, and I reached a trembling hand out to close them.<\/p>\n I could feel the tears burn my eyes but couldn\u2019t let them fall. Gently, as if it mattered now, I placed him back on his small pile of pillows and covered him with the blanket. \u2018How do I tell Pa and Hoss?\u2019<\/em> I glanced behind me and was thankful Hoss was still out.<\/p>\n I started when I heard a voice coming from the end of the wagon. I turned to see Pete standing in the opening.<\/p>\n \u201cMr. Cartwright, is everything okay?\u201d he asked, looking at Joe and Hoss before meeting my eyes.<\/p>\n I wanted scream at him that nothing would be okay but didn\u2019t. I grated out, \u201cNo, I need for you to ride and get Pa. Tell him Hoss and Joe have been shot, and I\u2019m taking them into town.\u201d<\/p>\n I watched the younger man turn away and mount his horse. He quickly spurred the animal in the direction of home and was gone from sight a moment later. I checked on Hoss a final time and moved out of the back. I couldn\u2019t be near Joe much longer and keep my composure intact. I climbed into the driver\u2019s seat and continued on to Virginia City.<\/p>\n Pa. How was I going to tell him? Only two sons were coming home. Bitter regret blurred my eyes.<\/p>\n The miles passed in a haze, my mind throwing images at me from years long gone. Joe as a smiling baby; him as a small child running from some real or imagined fright; and Joe turning into a fine young man \u2013 someone I was proud to call brother. The dull edge of grief suddenly turned sharp once again.<\/p>\n I was grateful when we pulled up in front of Paul\u2019s office. I yelled for him and jumped off the seat. I was going around back when he came out of his office.<\/p>\n \u201cAdam, who needs help?\u201d the other man called out as I climbed in the back with my brothers.<\/p>\n \u201cHoss has been shot in the shoulder \u2013 the bullet\u2019s still in there,\u201d I said, shifting around so he could get a better look at him. Paul removed the bandages, and the wound looked worse than I remembered. He started calling out orders for someone to help move Hoss to the surgery.<\/p>\n Hands appeared from a gray nowhere and pulled Hoss from the buckboard.<\/p>\n \u201cAdam, where\u2019s Joe?\u201d<\/p>\n I felt a touch on my arm and looked up to see Paul staring at me. I turned to look behind me. I heard his sharp inhalation at the sight of the covered body.\u00a0 I heard him speaking softly to someone. A gentle touch on my shoulder, and he was gone. There was no longer a need for him here.<\/p>\n Another voiced sounded nearby \u2013 Roy was kneeling next to me. His eyes held tears that I couldn\u2019t allow for myself. I wanted to shut out the sight but forced myself to meet his gaze.<\/p>\n \u201cSon, what happened?\u201d he asked, his voice none too steady.<\/p>\n What could I say? I still didn\u2019t know the full truth of what had happened. I could only tell him what I knew \u2013 hoping it would be enough for now. Questions remained, but he didn\u2019t ask them. He offered me the only bit of comfort he could at the moment.<\/p>\n \u201cWhy don\u2019t you go inside and wait for your pa. I-I\u2019ll get a couple of the boys to help me take care of Joe.\u201d<\/p>\n I felt a tugging on my arm and allowed myself to be pulled from Joe\u2019s side. I was led inside and told to rest. After that, I was left alone to my thoughts. The enormity of what had happened began to seep in. I couldn\u2019t understand how a person could be here one second and gone the next \u2013 as if they\u2019d never existed. All our tomorrows were filled with a void. All our yesterdays were hollow comfort. I felt as if a hand was squeezing my heart, and I could barely breathe for the pain of it.<\/p>\n I could hear the sound of raised voices outside \u2013 the door to Paul\u2019s waiting room opened.\u00a0 The steady approach of footsteps caused me to look up. My father\u2019s pale face stared back at me. His voice shook when he spoke.<\/p>\n \u201cAdam? Is Paul still with your brothers?\u201d<\/p>\n The hope in his eyes was my undoing. The desperate control I had fought so long to maintain deserted me.<\/p>\n \u201cPa. I need to tell you something.\u201d<\/p>\n -The End-<\/p>\n Next Story in the\u00a0<\/strong>Wavering Series:<\/strong><\/p>\n Silence<\/a> <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n
\nSilence<\/a>
\nWhispers<\/a><\/p>\nWavering<\/strong><\/h3>\n
\nWhispers<\/a><\/p>\n