{"id":19077,"date":"2018-12-09T00:41:44","date_gmt":"2018-12-09T05:41:44","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=19077"},"modified":"2025-09-25T15:40:07","modified_gmt":"2025-09-25T19:40:07","slug":"19077","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=19077","title":{"rendered":"Studio Executives #4 – A Ponderosa Christmas . . . Or Maybe Not (by pjb)"},"content":{"rendered":"

Summary: <\/em>Have you ever wondered why we didn\u2019t see more Cartwright Christmas episodes? Turns out, it wasn\u2019t an oversight. . . .<\/p>\n

Rating: PG<\/p>\n

Word count: 1,500<\/p>\n

Studio Executives Series:<\/strong><\/p>\n

The Real History of “The Crucible”<\/a>
\nLittle Joe Cartwright’s Very, Very, Very Bad Day<\/a>
\nThe Roberts Dilemma<\/a>
\nA Ponderosa Christmas . . . Or Maybe Not<\/a>
\nMen of the Ponderosa:\u00a0 A Valentine’s Day Treat<\/a>
\nOn the Other Hand<\/a>
\nFake History<\/a>
\nA Sharp Idea<\/a>
\nNegotiating Clingers, Going Natural, and the Big-Ticket Item<\/a><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

A Ponderosa Christmas . . .\u00a0 Or Maybe Not<\/strong><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Scene:<\/em><\/strong> \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Interior. Ponderosa living room.<\/em><\/p>\n

Present:<\/em><\/strong> \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Ben Cartwright, Hoss Cartwright, Joe Cartwright, Candy Canaday, Jamie Hunter Cartwright, Studio Executive #1, Studio Executive #2, Studio Executive #3<\/em><\/p>\n

BEN:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Thanks so much for coming, fellows.<\/p>\n

SE #1:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Always happy to help, Ben. What can we do for you?<\/p>\n

BEN:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 We\u2019re having kind of a . . . situation.<\/p>\n

JAMIE:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 It\u2019s not a situation. I just don\u2019t see why we can\u2019t celebrate Christmas like everybody else!<\/p>\n

SE #2:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 (looking at Hoss and Joe<\/em>) Um. . . .<\/p>\n

JAMIE:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 It\u2019s my first year on the Ponderosa, and I wanna have Christmas!<\/p>\n

JOE:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Hey, Jame, you know what? The whiny little kid thing\u2014so<\/em> not working.<\/p>\n

HOSS:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/strong>Like you should talk?<\/p>\n

JOE:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 I never whined!<\/p>\n

HOSS:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 If you say so, Little Brother.<\/p>\n

CANDY:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 The kid has a point. I mean, you Cartwrights are so jolly and generous and all that. It\u2019s kinda weird that you don\u2019t celebrate Christmas.<\/p>\n

HOSS:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Whaddya mean? We celebrate Christmas!<\/p>\n

JOE:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Remember the time we did that ripoff of Heidi<\/em>, except the girl was blind? We had a great tree that year!<\/p>\n

HOSS:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 And there was the time Wayne Newton came to sing at our party. Maybe we could invite him back. Anybody know where he is these days?<\/p>\n

JOE:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Down in the southern part of the state. I forget the name of the place. Las Something or Other.<\/p>\n

JAMIE:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/strong>Vegas, I think.<\/p>\n

CANDY:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 I\u2019ve heard of it. Little hick town. It\u2019ll never amount to anything.<\/p>\n

SE #2:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 So, what\u2019s the problem? The Cartwrights celebrate Christmas. Just because you don\u2019t have a Christmas episode every year doesn\u2019t mean anything, right?<\/p>\n

SE #3:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/strong>Right! It would get boring if you did the same thing every year!<\/p>\n

JOE:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 See, it wouldn\u2019t have to be the same thing every year. Just because Christmas comes every year doesn\u2019t mean it has to be the same.<\/p>\n

HOSS:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 We could do all sorts of nice Christmasy stuff. People would love it.<\/p>\n

CANDY:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 We could even have a white Christmas. I don\u2019t think I\u2019ve ever seen snow here.<\/p>\n

SE #1:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/strong>That\u2019s because snow is expensive. First we have to make it, and then it gets all mucked up every time a horse . . . lets loose, shall we say.<\/p>\n

JAMIE:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 He means \u201cpees and poops.\u201d<\/p>\n

CANDY:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Can\u2019t get anything past this kid.<\/p>\n

JAMIE:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 If I clean up after my horse, can we have a Christmas episode?<\/p>\n

SE #3:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 No way. Union rules. Only the official horse cleaners get to scoop the poop.<\/p>\n

SE #1:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Last time we did an episode with snow, those guys made a fortune. They get paid by the load.<\/p>\n

CANDY:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Back to the topic\u2014I really think it would be good to have another Christmas episode. You\u2019ve only done two in all these years, and Jamie and me never got to be part of them.<\/p>\n

JOE:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Hey, am I confused, or are you two supposed to be in different seasons?<\/p>\n

CANDY:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Details. Now, let\u2019s get back to this Christmas thing. Tons of other shows do annual Christmas episodes. What\u2019s the deal with the Cartwrights?<\/p>\n

HOSS:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Yeah, why can\u2019t we have another Christmas episode? We could dress Joe here up like an elf in skin-tight green pants, and he could show off everything he\u2019s got!<\/p>\n

JOE:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 (to the SEs<\/em>) It\u2019ll cost you.<\/p>\n

SE #1:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Then we definitely couldn\u2019t afford snow.<\/p>\n

JOE:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 I got a better idea anyway. We could do another Christmas album!<\/p>\n

JAMIE:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 You guys did an album?<\/p>\n

HOSS:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/strong>Sure did, and it was great!<\/p>\n

BEN:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 (under his breath<\/em>) Some parts of it, anyway.<\/p>\n

JOE:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 What was that, Pa?<\/p>\n

BEN:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Um, I said\u2014my heart\u2019s not in it. Not since Adam\u2019s left us.<\/p>\n

JAMIE:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Maybe we could get him to come back for Christmas!<\/p>\n

SE #3:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 I\u2019m sure the fans would love that, but it\u2019s not going to happen. Last I heard, he was practicing medicine in San Francisco.<\/p>\n

JOE:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 You don\u2019t think our long lost brother would drop in for Christmas?<\/p>\n

SE #2:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 He\u2019ll never do it. Not if he has to sing Christmas carols with. . . . (glances at Hoss and Joe<\/em>)<\/p>\n

HOSS:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 What\u2019re you talking about? Our big brother\u2019d be happy to sing with us!<\/p>\n

SE #1:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cHappy\u201d may not be exactly the right word. After all, he\u2019s a trained singer, and you two are . . . not.<\/p>\n

JOE:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 You saying there\u2019s something wrong with the way we sing?<\/p>\n

SE #3:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Well\u2014you fellows know how it is. Everybody has different talents. You two are wonderful riders and ropers\u2014real cowboys, best of the west. Nobody watching you on horseback would ever know you were acting.<\/p>\n

HOSS:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 (menacing<\/em>) But. . . .<\/p>\n

SE #1:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 (gulps<\/em>) But . . . maybe not so much with the singing.<\/p>\n

JOE:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Look, Hoss may not be the best singer in the world, but that\u2019s not a reason to leave him out of the Christmas carols.<\/p>\n

BEN:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Son . . . it\u2019s not just Hoss.<\/p>\n

JOE:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 What are you saying?<\/p>\n

BEN:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Joseph. You know you\u2019re my favorite son.<\/p>\n

HOSS:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 (with his hand on his chest<\/em>) What are you saying, my dear father? I\u2019m simply flabbergasted!<\/p>\n

BEN:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Oh, give me a break.<\/p>\n

HOSS:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 (shrugs<\/em>) I took a shot.<\/p>\n

BEN:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Anyway\u2014Joseph, as much as I love you, I have to say this: you\u2019re a lousy singer.<\/p>\n

JOE:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 What!<\/p>\n

BEN:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 I\u2019m sorry, Joe, but I have to be honest. When it comes to musical talent, you take after your sainted mother.<\/p>\n

JOE:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 But you always said she was perfect!<\/p>\n

BEN:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 She was. At least, in all the ways that matter to a man. She had the most luscious\u2014<\/p>\n

JAMIE:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 (cringing<\/em>) Pa, don\u2019t.<\/p>\n

BEN:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Don\u2019t worry, son. What goes on behind closed doors stays there. But that woman was definitely gifted. One time, she even made me meow\u2014<\/p>\n

JOE:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 (fingers in his ears<\/em>) LA-LA-LA! CAN\u2019T HEAR YOU!<\/p>\n

CANDY:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Can we stop talking about Ben\u2019s sex life and get back to the Christmas episode?<\/p>\n

SE #1:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Gladly.<\/p>\n

CANDY:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/strong>Listen, if all you need is somebody to sing carols, I can do that.<\/p>\n

THE CARTWRIGHTS:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 You can?<\/p>\n

CANDY:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Sure. I even won the All Army Entertainment Contest for best popular singer. (Author\u2019s note: This is true!<\/em>)<\/p>\n

SE #2:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 How come you never told us this before?<\/p>\n

CANDY:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 You never asked.<\/p>\n

JOE:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/strong>I knew he\u2019d say that.<\/p>\n

CANDY:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Plus, I didn\u2019t want to make Joe and Hoss feel bad. I heard that Christmas album. It was . . . interesting.<\/p>\n

HOSS:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 You<\/em> ever made an album?<\/p>\n

BEN:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Settle down, son. (to Candy<\/em>) So if we had a Christmas episode, you\u2019d be able to sing a carol or two with me?<\/p>\n

JAMIE:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Hey! What about me? This whole thing was my idea!<\/p>\n

SE #3:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Can you sing?<\/p>\n

JAMIE:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Deck the halls with boughs of holly, fa-la-la-la-la\u2014<\/p>\n

SE #2:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 That\u2019s fine. We\u2019ll call you.<\/p>\n

JAMIE:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 What does that mean?<\/p>\n

HOSS:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 It means you\u2019re gonna be lip-synching with us.<\/p>\n

JOE:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Maybe you two, but I<\/em> can sing!<\/p>\n

BEN:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/strong>Son, you have many talents, but you couldn\u2019t find the pitch if it were stuck on the end of your nose. Face facts: when it comes to musical gifts, you just don\u2019t take after your pa.<\/p>\n

JOE:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Cripes, you\u2019re not gonna haul out \u201cRingo\u201d again, are you?<\/p>\n

BEN:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 I\u2019ll have you know that song was very popular!<\/p>\n

JOE:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 You didn\u2019t even sing! All you did was talk while other people sang!<\/p>\n

JAMIE:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 CHRISTMAS! CHRISTMAS! CHRISTMAS!<\/p>\n

CANDY:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 The kid has a point. Are we gonna do a Christmas episode or not?<\/p>\n

JOE:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Yeah, we\u2019re gonna do it, and it\u2019s gonna be awesome, and we\u2019re gonna have lots and lots of carols. Maybe we\u2019ll even make it an all-singing episode, because everybody knows Hoss and I can sing just as well as everybody else. We sang just fine in the episode with the blind kid.<\/p>\n

(Ben, SE #1, SE #2, and SE #3 look at each other<\/em>)<\/p>\n

SE #1:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Who wants to tell him?<\/p>\n

BEN:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 He\u2019s my son. I\u2019ll do it. (places a gentle hand on Joe\u2019s shoulder<\/em>) Joseph, there\u2019s something I\u2019ve never told you.<\/p>\n

JOE:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 (eyes widening<\/em>) No! It can\u2019t be!<\/p>\n

BEN:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Yes, son, it\u2019s true. You were . . . dubbed.<\/p>\n

HOSS:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 What about me, Pa?<\/p>\n

BEN:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 You, too, son.<\/p>\n

CANDY:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 (to Jamie<\/em>) Way to pull the skeletons out of the closet.<\/p>\n

JAMIE:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 (laughing nervously<\/em>) Next they\u2019re gonna say that the real reason Adam left was so he wouldn\u2019t have to listen to Hoss and Joe sing anymore! (realizes he\u2019s the only one laughing. Ben, SE #1, SE #2, and SE #3 are exchanging worried glances, and Hoss and Joe look shocked.<\/em>) Oh, crap. Did I let the cat out of the\u2014<\/p>\n

CANDY:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 I think maybe you and me need to go for a little ride. Listen, you guys talk, and Jamie and I\u2019ll be back in a month or two. Merry Christmas! (darts out with Jamie<\/em>)<\/p>\n

* * *<\/p>\n

In fourteen seasons of Bonanza, there were only two holiday episodes, but that had nothing at all to do with whether Hoss and Joe could sing\u2014which, let\u2019s face it, they can\u2019t, but that\u2019s not why we love them anyway.<\/em><\/p>\n

But Adam did not<\/u> leave the Ponderosa just to avoid singing with his brothers in any future albums or episodes. Cross my heart.<\/em><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Tags:\u00a0 Family<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Summary: Have you ever wondered why we didn\u2019t see more Cartwright Christmas episodes? Turns out, it wasn\u2019t an oversight. . . .<\/p>\n

Rating: PG<\/p>\n

Word count: 1,500<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":142,"featured_media":5077,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"template-full-width-post.php","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_members_access_role":[],"_members_access_error":""},"categories":[7,4],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-19077","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-a-u","category-humor","wpcat-7-id","wpcat-4-id"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/PonderosaChristmas2.jpg?fit=188%2C142&ssl=1","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/19077","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/142"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=19077"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/19077\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/5077"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=19077"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=19077"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=19077"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}