{"id":23102,"date":"2019-07-13T23:10:42","date_gmt":"2019-07-14T03:10:42","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=23102"},"modified":"2025-09-25T15:39:40","modified_gmt":"2025-09-25T19:39:40","slug":"on-the-other-hand","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=23102","title":{"rendered":"Studio Executives #6 – On the Other Hand (by pjb)"},"content":{"rendered":"

Summary: <\/strong>The studio executives find themselves caught between the series regulars, who want some fresh new story lines, and the fans, who want . . . well, you\u2019ll see.<\/p>\n

Rating:<\/strong> PG<\/p>\n

Word count:<\/strong> 2,650<\/p>\n

Studio Executives Series:<\/strong><\/p>\n

The Real History of “The Crucible”<\/a>
\nLittle Joe Cartwright’s Very, Very, Very Bad Day<\/a>
\nThe Roberts Dilemma<\/a>
\nA Ponderosa Christmas . . . Or Maybe Not<\/a>
\nMen of the Ponderosa:\u00a0 A Valentine’s Day Treat<\/a>
\nOn the Other Hand<\/a>
\nFake History<\/a>
\nA Sharp Idea<\/a>
\nNegotiating Clingers, Going Natural, and the Big-Ticket Item<\/a><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/em>ON THE OTHER HAND<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

\u00a0by pjb<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

Scene:<\/em><\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Conference room. STUDIO EXECUTIVE #1, STUDIO EXECUTIVE #2, and STUDIO EXECUTIVE #3 are gathered around a table that is covered with envelopes in a variety of sizes, colors, and scents. STUDIO EXECUTIVE #1 holds a rose-scented sheet of pink paper. <\/em><\/p>\n

STUDIO EXECUTIVE #1:<\/strong>\u00a0 Listen to this one. She thinks it would be fun if the Cartwrights formed a rock and roll band. She says, \u201cYou\u2019d get so many more people swooning over Ben and the Boys than you\u2019d ever see at a silly Beatles concert!\u201d<\/p>\n

STUDIO EXECUTIVE #2:<\/strong>\u00a0 Has she ever actually watched<\/em> the show?<\/p>\n

SE #1:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Maybe she thinks Hop Sing will play the tambourine.<\/p>\n

SE #2:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Just don\u2019t tell Greene. If he thought he\u2019d get another chance to sing, he\u2019d be on this like Blocker at an all-you-can-eat buffet.<\/p>\n

STUDIO EXECUTIVE #3:<\/strong>\u00a0 I got one for you. This one wants them to move to San Francisco and become cops. She wants Ben to be a police chief, Adam to be his first lieutenant, and Hoss and Joe will be the detectives out on the street.<\/p>\n

SE #2:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 These women have gone absolutely nuts!<\/p>\n

SE #1:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Here\u2019s one\u2014Ben\u2019s going to find religion and become a priest!<\/p>\n

SE #3:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 I thought Ben was already pretty religious.<\/p>\n

SE #2:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Compared to his sons, anyway. They\u2019ll go after anything in a skirt.<\/p>\n

SE #1:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 She thinks the boys should become lay ministers, whatever that is, and everybody should take a vow of celibacy.<\/p>\n

SE #2:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 (spews his coffee across the table, dotting envelopes)<\/em>\u00a0 Little Joe? The one who moved in with a hooker when he was 17?<\/p>\n

SE #3:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Julia Bulette was only a hooker in real life. In the show, she ran a saloon, and we never actually said Little Joe moved in with her.<\/p>\n

SE #1:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 So when Adam said Joe left home, he meant the kid found himself a nice one-bedroom apartment in a building with a swimming pool and workout room?<\/p>\n

SE #2:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Guess he had the cash for a security deposit.<\/p>\n

SE #3:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Check this one out. She wants Hop Sing to open a restaurant!<\/p>\n

SE #1:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 What are the Cartwrights supposed to do? Sit around and make Kung Pao chicken?<\/p>\n

SE #2:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Holy sh\u2014wait a minute, guys. I have the winner! (holds up a sheet of yellow legal-sized paper, both sides covered in tidy blue ink)<\/em><\/p>\n

SE #1:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 What does it say? (he takes the paper from SE #2 and reads, his eyes growing wide with disbelief)<\/em><\/p>\n

SE #3:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 What? Lemme see! (grabs the paper; his mouth drops open as he reads)<\/em>\u00a0 You can\u2019t show this to them. It\u2019s too\u2014 (he gestures, words failing him)<\/em><\/p>\n

SE #1:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Our assignment was to find some new and interesting story lines so the guys would stop complaining about how we keep rerunning the same stuff over and over. This fits the bill.<\/p>\n

SE #2:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 This is the biggest load of wackadoo horse manure I\u2019ve ever seen!<\/p>\n

SE #1:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Which is why it\u2019s the perfect thing to show them. After this, they\u2019ll be begging<\/em> us to go back to the same old thing!<\/p>\n

* * * * * * *<\/strong><\/p>\n

Scene:<\/em><\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 The Cartwrights\u2019 living room<\/em><\/p>\n

Present:<\/em><\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Ben Cartwright, Adam Cartwright, Hoss Cartwright, Little Joe Cartwright, Candy Canaday, Jamie Hunter Cartwright, Studio Executive #1, Studio Executive #2, Studio Executive #3<\/em><\/p>\n

SE #1:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 First of all, guys, the studio wants to you to know they\u2019ve heard your concerns, and they completely appreciate what you\u2019re saying. They realize that after all these years, things can get a little repetitive.<\/p>\n

BEN:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 We\u2019re very glad to hear that, Stan.<\/p>\n

SE #1:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 I\u2019m Phil.<\/p>\n

SE #2:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 I\u2019m Stan.<\/p>\n

SE #3:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 I\u2019m Ed.<\/p>\n

HOSS:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Dadgummit. I\u2019d have sworn you were Stan.<\/p>\n

ADAM:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 I can\u2019t keep them straight.<\/p>\n

JOE:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Me neither.<\/p>\n

BEN:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 You boys settle down. These fellows are here to talk about some of the new and fascinating stories ahead for us.<\/p>\n

ADAM:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 I thought I was done with all this. You\u2019ve got these two (gestures to Candy and Jamie)<\/em>.<\/p>\n

JOE:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Isn\u2019t there supposed to be another young fellow? Name of Greg or something like that?<\/p>\n

HOSS:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Who?<\/p>\n

SE #2:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Not yet. His name\u2019s Griff, and he\u2019s still in prison.<\/p>\n

JOE:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Hold on\u2014you\u2019re not sending us to jail again, are you?<\/p>\n

HOSS:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 I\u2019m with Joe. I done spent enough time in jail, and I\u2019m always innocent.<\/p>\n

BEN:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 We\u2019re all<\/em> always innocent.<\/p>\n

ADAM:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Except the time Hoss and Joe robbed that bank.<\/p>\n

JAMIE:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 You robbed a bank?<\/p>\n

JOE:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 We did it as a public service.<\/p>\n

CANDY:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Is that what they\u2019re calling it these days?<\/p>\n

HOSS:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 And we didn\u2019t have to go to jail, so it doesn\u2019t count.<\/p>\n

SE #3:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Listen, guys, we have a whole new story angle, and we\u2019re going to need all of you to make it work. (dramatic pause)<\/em><\/p>\n

CANDY:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Can we step it up? I\u2019ve got work to do.<\/p>\n

HOSS:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Fixing fences or moving cattle?<\/p>\n

CANDY:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Now that you mention it, I wouldn\u2019t object to a little more variety. Let\u2019s hear it.<\/p>\n

SE #1:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 One of our viewers wrote in with a fantastic suggestion. She thinks it would be terrific if one of you became . . . a secret agent!<\/p>\n

(silence)<\/em><\/p>\n

BEN:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 A what?<\/p>\n

SE #2:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 A secret agent! Undercover! You know, like when you pretend to be someone else to find out information.<\/p>\n

HOSS:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 What in tarnation\u2014are you saying maybe one of us ain\u2019t really a Cartwright?<\/p>\n

CANDY:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 (waving his hand)<\/em>\u00a0 Yoo-hoo!<\/p>\n

JOE:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 (narrowing his eyes at Adam)<\/em>\u00a0 I always thought there was something a little peculiar about our so-called older brother. Why would a fellow spend years in college and then come back here to move cattle around?<\/p>\n

ADAM:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Don\u2019t be stupid. I came back because there had to be somebody mature here.<\/p>\n

BEN:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 I beg your pardon!<\/p>\n

HOSS:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 What about Jamie? He might be a spy.<\/p>\n

JOE:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Good point. I mean, he just showed up one day with ol\u2019 Dusty Rhodes. Did anybody do a background check on him?<\/p>\n

JAMIE:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Who, me? I\u2019m just a poor orphan who happened to be traveling around with one of your former hired hands. Not my fault I don\u2019t look like a Cartwright!<\/p>\n

CANDY:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Kid, I\u2019ll give you fifty bucks right now if you can tell me what a Cartwright looks like.<\/p>\n

(Jamie looks from Ben to Adam to Hoss to Joe.)<\/em><\/p>\n

JAMIE:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Two arms. Two legs. Two eyes. Two ears. One nose. One mouth.<\/p>\n

HOSS:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 You just described every man in Virginia City.<\/p>\n

ADAM:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 And all the women.<\/p>\n

JAMIE:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 But Cartwrights also have really, really<\/em> big . . . (gestures toward his lap)<\/em><\/p>\n

BEN:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Give him the money.<\/p>\n

CANDY:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 (glowering)<\/em>\u00a0 Suck-up. (hands over the money to a grinning Jamie)<\/em><\/p>\n

SE #1:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Can we get back to the subject?<\/p>\n

ADAM:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 The subject being that you want to turn a bunch of ranchers into spies?<\/p>\n

SE #1:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Not all of you. That would be too obvious. We\u2019d just make one<\/em> of you a spy.<\/p>\n

SE #3:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Whoever we picked would be in charge of a covert operation. You know, like those guys on \u201cWild Wild West\u201d over on that other network.<\/p>\n

JAMIE:<\/b>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Oh, yeah, Artie and Jim. I love<\/em> that show!<\/p>\n

SE #2:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Anyway, the operation wouldn\u2019t be on the Ponderosa. You\u2019d go out somewhere else and be undercover there<\/em>. I told you\u2014it\u2019d be a covert force. Lots of drama and intrigue.<\/p>\n

BEN:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 But . . . why?<\/p>\n

SE #3:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 (consulting the letter)<\/em>\u00a0 What this fan suggests is that there\u2019s some injustice somewhere that requires the services of an undercover Cartwright to remedy.<\/p>\n

SE #1:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Or maybe there\u2019s a mystery, and they need one of you to go undercover to solve it.<\/p>\n

HOSS:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Why would they need one of us<\/em>?<\/p>\n

JOE:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Don\u2019t police departments have their own people to do that kind of thing?<\/p>\n

ADAM:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 This is officially the stupidest idea I\u2019ve ever heard. What kind of an idiot thinks a bunch of ranchers should have a covert operation or secret agent force or whatever you call it?<\/p>\n

HOSS:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u2019Sides, them fellas on \u201cWild Wild West\u201d can do all that injustice stuff. I got a mare who\u2019s gonna drop her foal any day. I can\u2019t go chasin\u2019 bad guys when Buttercup\u2019s time is coming.<\/p>\n

JOE:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Hoss is right. Why should we leave the Ponderosa to do what those guys are already doing?<\/p>\n

JAMIE:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 I bet those \u201cWild Wild West\u201d guys don\u2019t even have<\/em> a ranch.<\/p>\n

BEN:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Which means they don\u2019t have ranch chores, so they have all sorts of time to be running around spying or fighting crime or whatever they do.<\/p>\n

CANDY:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Whatever this fan lady\u2019s drinking, I want some.<\/p>\n

SE #1:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 You guys don\u2019t understand! This could be fantastic! You\u2019d have chase scenes and fights and dangerous moments and intrigue!<\/p>\n

BEN:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Stan, we have all that already.<\/p>\n

SE #2:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 I\u2019m<\/em> Stan!<\/p>\n

BEN:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Sorry.<\/p>\n

JAMIE:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 But Pa\u2019s right. Practically every episode, somebody\u2019s chasing somebody or shooting somebody or fighting about something.<\/p>\n

JOE:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Even in a lot of the romantic ones. When I met Julia Bulette, I got in, like, two fights with that French guy in the first ten or fifteen minutes.<\/p>\n

HOSS:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 The second time, he knocked you out.<\/p>\n

ADAM:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 I told you to keep those elbows in!<\/p>\n

SE #2:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 But there was no mystery or intrigue.<\/p>\n

SE #3:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Mystery and intrigue are very<\/em> important.<\/p>\n

BEN:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 We have plenty of that. People die mysteriously all the time around here.<\/p>\n

CANDY:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 And I\u2019m usually the guy who gets accused of murder.<\/p>\n

JOE:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Ahem! How much time have I<\/em> spent in jail for murder? I almost got shot by a firing squad, remember?<\/p>\n

HOSS:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 I almost got hanged!<\/p>\n

BEN:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 We all<\/em> almost got hanged.<\/p>\n

JOE:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 That\u2019s right! If it hadn\u2019t been for me, you\u2019d be long gone, and I\u2019d have the Ponderosa all to myself. (looks around with a frown, as if suddenly doubting the wisdom of his heroism)<\/em><\/p>\n

SE #3:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/strong>The crazy fan lady thought maybe we could have Adam be the one. He could leave the Ponderosa and start a new life as a secret agent.<\/p>\n

ADAM:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 (brightening)<\/em>\u00a0 Leave the Ponderosa? You mean, like go back to Boston?<\/p>\n

CANDY:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 You\u2019ll do anything to go back east, won\u2019t you?<\/p>\n

JOE:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 He even shot me so he could have an excuse to get off the Ponderosa, but there was this really annoying Irish girl hanging around and he didn\u2019t want to travel two thousand miles with her, so he stuck around.<\/p>\n

ADAM:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 She was going to Philadelphia, and I\u2019m not a big fan of cheesesteaks.<\/p>\n

BEN:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 How would Adam\u2019s spying be part of the show? Once he leaves, he\u2019ll be gone. His secret agenting, or whatever you call it, won\u2019t have anything to do with the Ponderosa.<\/p>\n

HOSS:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Pa\u2019s right. What\u2019s he gonna do once he\u2019s gone? Write us letters about the people he\u2019s spying on?<\/p>\n

JOE:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Sounds pretty dumb to me. All you need is for one of those letters to fall into the wrong hands, and our (clears throat)<\/em>\u00a0 older brother is a goner.<\/p>\n

CANDY:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Besides, how exciting is it going to be for us all to sit around while Ben reads one of Adam\u2019s spy letters? Not exactly the fresh new action the viewers want.<\/p>\n

JAMIE:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Didn\u2019t Hoss go undercover one time?<\/p>\n

BEN:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 That wasn\u2019t really undercover. He just pretended to be someone else.<\/p>\n

JAMIE:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Isn\u2019t that what undercover is?<\/p>\n

CANDY:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 When was that?<\/p>\n

JOE:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Friends of Pa\u2019s who were trapeze artists came to visit, and one of them got killed.<\/p>\n

CANDY:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Figures. Who got accused of the murder?<\/p>\n

HOSS:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Who d\u2019you think? (cocks his thumb at Joe)<\/em><\/p>\n

BEN:<\/strong> \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 The sheriff wanted to trap the murderer, so since Hoss hadn\u2019t met any of these people, we dressed him up and made him seem like a ruffian.<\/p>\n

JAMIE:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 A what?<\/p>\n

JOE:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 A saddle bum.<\/p>\n

ADAM:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 I could have told him that.<\/p>\n

HOSS:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Anyway, that\u2019s the only time I ever went undercover. It was kinda fun, but I wouldn\u2019t want to do it all the time. Playacting ain\u2019t for me.<\/p>\n

ADAM:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 The whole thing sounds ridiculous. Don\u2019t these crazy fans have anything else to do besides figure out ways for us to do things that aren\u2019t ranching?<\/p>\n

SE #2:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 One of them thought it would be great if you all became doctors and opened a hospital in Virginia City. She was especially taken with the way you did surgery on Joe after you shot him. She thinks you have natural talent.<\/p>\n

ADAM:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 A doctor, eh? Now that\u2019s something I could see doing. . . .<\/p>\n

CANDY:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 I thought you studied architecture in college.<\/p>\n

ADAM:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 I never told anybody, but I had a double major, architecture and pre-med.<\/p>\n

JOE:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 With a minor in modern dance.<\/p>\n

BEN:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 (doubletake)<\/em>\u00a0 What?<\/p>\n

ADAM:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 What the\u2014how did you know about that?<\/p>\n

HOSS:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 You\u2019re a dancer<\/em>?<\/p>\n

JOE:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 You\u2019re not the only one who can spy. By the way, your subscription to Modern Dance Quarterly<\/em> is about to expire.<\/p>\n

ADAM:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 So you\u2019re<\/em> the one who\u2019s been drooling on the photos of the women in leotards!<\/p>\n

HOSS:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Dadburnit. I\u2019d never have guessed. I always thought you were kind of klutzy.<\/p>\n

BEN:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 I spent a fortune so you could get an education, not play around with tights and tutus!<\/p>\n

CANDY:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 (to Joe)<\/em>\u00a0 Looks like we\u2019re about to have another murder here on the Ponderosa\u2014except this time, you just might be the corpse instead of the accused.<\/p>\n

JOE:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 At least it\u2019s variety!<\/p>\n

JAMIE:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Hey, what if we became the Cartwright Family Dancers? That would be different!<\/p>\n

BEN:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 That\u2019s just a little too<\/em> different for my tastes. (to the SEs)<\/em> Look, fellows, I\u2019m sorry we can\u2019t help you out this time, but we\u2019re all going to stay right here on the Ponderosa and be ranchers. If those ladies who write in want to see secret agents or whatever they are, I suggest you create a brand-new show for them. As for us, we have a ranch to run.<\/p>\n

(Ben rises, signaling that the meeting is over. The SEs leave, hiding their triumphant smirks. Ben, Adam, Hoss, Joe, and Candy head outside to do ranching things. Alone in the living room, Jamie sidles over to the fireplace. He presses on the stone precisely fourteen inches above Ben\u2019s chair; the stone pops out, and Jamie reaches into the hole to retrieve a small notebook and a pencil. Then, he sits down at the table and begins to write.)<\/em><\/p>\n

JAMIE:<\/strong> (voiceover)<\/em>\u00a0 That was a close one. So far, nobody\u2019s figured out that I\u2019m a spy. Looks like they never suspected ol\u2019 Dusty Rhodes back when he was working here. Too bad Dusty decided to retire, but it was lucky he was able to get me hooked up with the Cs. He was right\u2014that whole orphan scam was pure genius. They think I\u2019m so gifted at math, and they have no idea that what I\u2019m really doing is sending messages in code. Wonder what they\u2019d think if they knew the schoolmarm is my partner, and we\u2019ve been sent here by. . . .<\/p>\n

* * * * * * *<\/strong><\/p>\n

Author\u2019s Notes<\/span>:<\/strong><\/p>\n

The Cartwrights never figured out that Jamie was actually a thirty-seven-year-old Russian spy whose mission was to discover the magical formula they used to heal bullet wounds almost instantaneously, leaving no scar behind. Jamie was never brave enough to get himself wounded so he could experience the magical formula firsthand, which irked his superiors. Eventually, his failure to discover the formula got him banished to Siberia, where he spent the remainder of his days telling the other prisoners about how he\u2019d starred in a famous western.<\/p>\n

Shortly after this meeting, the studio executives wisely stopped accepting story ideas from fans. Instead, they told Landon to write and direct whatever he wanted since they knew fans would love that. Besides, it meant they only had to pay one person instead of three, and the network always liked that because it almost offset the extra costs incurred every time they had to pay him a bonus for a tight pants episode. Almost, but not quite.<\/p>\n

*********************************************************************************<\/p>\n

DISCLAIMER:<\/strong>\u00a0 The studio executives and the schoolmarm are mine. Greene, Blocker, Landon, and the other guys belong to themselves. Everybody else belongs to Bonanza Ventures, Inc. The Cartwrights own the magical formula. Hoss owns Buttercup, who had a little filly shortly after this story was posted. Nobody’s infringing on anybody else’s copyrights, trademarks, patents, brands, or anything else, and with the exception of BVI, nobody’s made a dime on any of it.<\/p>\n

<\/div>\n

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<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Summary: The studio executives find themselves caught between the series regulars, who want some fresh new story lines, and the fans, who want . . . well, you\u2019ll see.<\/p>\n

Rating: PG
\nWord count: 2,650<\/p>\n

Studio Executives Series, links to all the stories included within.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":142,"featured_media":23105,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"template-full-width-post.php","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[7,4],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-23102","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-a-u","category-humor","wpcat-7-id","wpcat-4-id"],"a3_pvc":{"activated":true,"total_views":1254,"today_views":0},"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/07\/The_Hunter-Jamie.jpg?fit=768%2C576&ssl=1","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":18351,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=18351","url_meta":{"origin":23102,"position":0},"title":"Studio Executives #3 – The Roberts Dilemma (by pjb)","author":"pjb","date":"September 19, 2018","format":false,"excerpt":"Summary:\u00a0The studio executives have two problems. 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