{"id":2320,"date":"2013-10-22T08:33:37","date_gmt":"2013-10-22T12:33:37","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=2320"},"modified":"2025-02-18T19:21:04","modified_gmt":"2025-02-19T00:21:04","slug":"returning-the-favour","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=2320","title":{"rendered":"Returning the Favour (by Dodo)"},"content":{"rendered":"

Summary:\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>This is\u00a0a ‘Death of a Cartwright’ challenge story.\u00a0 Be warned!<\/p>\n

Rated:<\/span> K+\u00a0 Word Count:\u00a0 1628<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 Returning the Favour<\/strong><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

As I stood on the bottom stair, I could see Pa sat in his old leather armchair, his eyes closed and his face streaked wet.\u00a0 I gave a deep, heartfelt sigh of dismay at the sight, but couldn\u2019t blame him for his tears.\u00a0 I mean, what father worth his salt wants to bury a son?<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

My insides churned at the thought of the pain he was going through, knowing how the chains of guilt had pressed down heavy on his shoulders since the accident.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

How long had it been since it happened?\u00a0\u00a0 Seven days, ten?\u00a0 Could even have been more. \u00a0\u00a0I\u2019d lost count already, but it was obvious Pa\u2019s inability to sleep through the night wasn’t about to leave him any time soon.\u00a0 Only the luxury of pure malt seemed to give him the chance to take a rest; albeit a short one, as he sought peace from his troubled and guilt filled thoughts.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

As I made my way towards him I shivered. The fire had long burnt out and the room was cold. \u00a0By the light of the oil lamp I could see Pa was gripping a glass close to his chest, the half empty bottle which I knew for a fact had been full only a couple of hours before held tight in his other hand.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I wondered for a moment whether to leave him to sleep.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

However, the way things were going Pa was sure to be heading for an early grave himself if things didn\u2019t change some time soon.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

There\u2019d been occasions when I\u2019d managed to go through the same amount of liquor in such a short time during my darkest moments. Like when Julia died, and then Laura.\u00a0 Each time Pa had been there at my side, helping me get through it all and face another day.\u00a0 I knew then, at that moment, I had to do something.\u00a0 It was now my turn to comfort and console.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

“Pa?”<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I nudged him gently on his arm and the feel of my touch woke him with a start.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

“Joe?\u00a0 What you doing here?” \u00a0Pa\u2019s voice was hoarse and it took a few moments for him to become fully alert.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cCouldn\u2019t sleep, I was worried,\u201d I said, staring pointedly at the bottle.\u00a0 \u00a0“Drinking yourself into a stupor every night isn\u2019t helping anyone Pa, least of all you.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Pa pursed his lips tight, knowing I spoke the truth but refusing to accept my words of warning.\u00a0 \u201cIt helps me Joe\u2026it helps me.”<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I waited for a few moments, hoping he\u2019d start opening up and talk.\u00a0 But silence was all that settled between us.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

“This has to stop Pa,” I finally said in a decisive voice, finding an inner strength to order him in such an authoritative way. \u201cYou can\u2019t keep on like this. \u00a0You can\u2019t keep blaming yourself forever.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Pa just sighed and stared into the empty glass.\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cYes I can Joe,\u201d he finally offered in a bitter tone. \u201cIt was my fault.\u00a0 You know it, I know it, and everyone else damn well knows it!\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

For a moment I was taken aback by the ferocity of his feeling. \u00a0I refused however to back down.\u00a0 “You\u2019re wrong Pa.\u00a0 There\u2019s nothing you could have done.\u00a0 It was an accident pure and simple.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

“But I gave the order,” Pa replied, determined not to be let off so easy. “I ought to have realized the pass was too dangerous to go through after all that heavy rain.\u00a0 I should have\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cYou weren\u2019t to know there\u2019d be a landslide at that moment Pa,\u201d I quickly interrupted.\u00a0 \u201cNo one could have known.\u00a0 It was just pure bad luck\u2026it was fate.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Pa shook his head, and I knew he hadn\u2019t listened to a word I\u2019d said.\u00a0 \u201cIt\u2019s no good Joe.\u00a0 It was my decision. \u00a0I\u2019m the one who insisted those wagons were taken that way instead of going the longer route.\u00a0 Everything what happened was all down to me and…\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I tried hard to keep my impatience from showing as I clenched my fists hard.\u00a0 \u201cPa, nobody blames you,\u201d I interrupted with a loud groan.\u00a0 \u201cPlease, for all our sakes, let it go.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Pa looked at me, sensing the anger I was holding back inside, yet shrugged his shoulders dismissively. “I can\u2019t Joseph. I\u2019ll never be able to forgive myself, knowing the \u2026the life that was lost because of me\u2026”<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

His hesitating voice trailed, unable to complete the sentence at the thought of his son, now gone.\u00a0 A tear escaped and ran down his cheek.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I kept my own gaze fixed on him, my own heart breaking at the sight of my father\u2019s distress.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Pa then let out an audible sigh; grief induced weariness and exhaustion showing clearly across his weathered face.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I couldn\u2019t stand his expression of remorse any longer.\u00a0 I removed the glass from unresisting fingers, and along with the whiskey bottle I returned it to the tray on the table.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

All the while he watched me through moistened eyes, offering up no show of resistance. Then I eased down on the settee, leaning forward and taking hold of his hand.\u00a0 It reminded us both of the close bond between us which had been sadly missing over the past couple of weeks.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Pa bowed his head closer to his chest, unashamed tears this time falling in a steady, silent flow.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cPa,\u201d I said softly.\u00a0 \u201cIf it had been you who\u2019d been killed, would you have wanted me, or Adam, or Hoss to carry on in this way, taking the blame even though what happened was no ones fault?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Almost reluctantly Pa shook his head.\u00a0 \u201cOf course not Joe.\u00a0 But it\u2019s hard\u2026so very hard.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI know it Pa.\u00a0 But you must realize you have to find it in yourself to move on. It\u2019s the only way. Your strength is needed now more than ever before otherwise this family is going to fall apart. You do see that, don\u2019t you?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Suddenly Pa looked at me as if seeing me for the first time; trusting what I told him and fully believing what I said.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Slowly, very slowly, the flames of guilt which had flared in his eyes extinguished and died. \u00a0“I’m sorry Joseph.” \u00a0Pa\u2019s admission came as a whispered murmur. “I’m sorry for what I\u2019ve put everyone through.”<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

“I know\u2026we all know.”<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

There was then a comfortable silence between us, both contented to be in each other’s company in such a relaxed way.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Finally I stood up and rested my hand lightly on his shoulder.\u00a0 I felt him tremble under my touch.\u00a0 \u201cAre you going to be all right Pa?\u201d I asked, watching him closely.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m going to be fine Joseph.\u00a0 Just fine.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I managed a smile, hoping the sight would help in some small way to heal his broken heart. \u00a0\u201cSo no more staying down here every night with just a whiskey bottle as a friend?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

He smiled back.\u00a0 \u201cNo Joe.\u00a0 I promise no more drink.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Believing him I exhaled a long sigh of relief and started to move away.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

“Joe?” \u00a0Pa\u2019s whispered word was almost inaudible as I stopped and turned.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cYes Pa?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

“Thank you son.”<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I wiped moisture from my own face, our gaze locking for a few seconds more.\u00a0 I nodded; words not needed between us and watched for a moment as his eyes grew heavier and slowly closed.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Smiling softly to myself, I retraced my steps up to my room, leaving my Pa alone but knowing all was going to be well as he rested in a deep and healing sleep.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben felt a tug on his sleeve, dragging him back to consciousness.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

A morning sun was streaming warmth through the windows and he squinted against the light until they focused.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The broad face of Hoss looked down at him with concern.\u00a0 \u201cPa?\u00a0 You ain\u2019t been sleeping down here all night, have you?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cGuilty as charged,\u201d Ben managed to croak as he pushed up on his chair and stretched aching limbs.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Footsteps echoed on the wooden staircase, and a second figure came into view and gave a faint nervous smile of greeting. \u00a0\u00a0\u201cHow you feeling today Pa?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Rubbing his eyes Ben gave a nod.\u00a0 \u201cBetter,\u201d he answered truthfully as his voice croaked in a dry mouth.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

A memory of what he\u2019d been doing the night before came back to haunt him.\u00a0 He looked around for the whiskey he\u2019d expected to see in his hand. It was gone.\u00a0 He then stared down on the floor, thinking it must have been dropped during sleep and expecting to see a dried out stain of wasted liquid.\u00a0 There was no sign.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cYou lost something Pa?\u201d Hoss asked, noting his puzzled look.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2026I thought I had a glass somewhere\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

As his voice trailed, Ben turned his head and looked behind him.\u00a0 On the table stood the whiskey bottle and glass, exactly where Joe had left it.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

For a moment his face reflected shock and then slowly changed to one of reflective acceptance.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

After following their father\u2019s gaze Hoss gave a sorrowful sigh, guessing what he\u2019d been doing again most of the night.\u00a0 \u201cPa, how many times do we have to tell you, no one blames you for what happened to Joe.\u00a0 Not me or Adam and if he could tell you himself, not even little brother.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam eased down on the settee. \u00a0\u201cIt was an accident, pure and simple Pa. It could have happened to any one of us,\u201d he added in a choked voice.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben nodded, remembering back as he sat with his youngest and heard the self same words uttered towards him. Managing a smile he took a deep breath. \u00a0\u00a0\u201cI know boys\u2026I know that now.\u00a0 Joe already told me.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The End<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Summary:\u00a0\u00a0 This is\u00a0a ‘Death of a Cartwright’ challenge story.\u00a0 Be warned!<\/p>\n

Rated: K+\u00a0 Word Count:\u00a0 1628<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":1242,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"template-full-width-post.php","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_members_access_role":[],"_members_access_error":""},"categories":[23,40],"tags":[425],"class_list":["post-2320","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-drama","category-challenges","tag-doac","wpcat-23-id","wpcat-40-id"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/bonanza31.jpg?fit=573%2C389&ssl=1","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2320","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/4"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2320"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2320\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/1242"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2320"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2320"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2320"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}