{"id":2330,"date":"2008-04-06T09:02:23","date_gmt":"2008-04-06T13:02:23","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=2330"},"modified":"2025-02-27T12:12:34","modified_gmt":"2025-02-27T17:12:34","slug":"playing-soldiers","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=2330","title":{"rendered":"Playing Soldiers (by Dodo)"},"content":{"rendered":"

Summary: <\/span>A childhood dream becomes reality for Joe in a most unexpected way<\/p>\n

Rated:<\/span> K+\u00a0 Word Count:\u00a0 27896<\/p>\n

Playing Soldiers Series:<\/strong><\/p>\n

Playing Soldiers<\/a>
\nNever Say Never<\/a><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0Playing Soldiers<\/strong><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Chapter 1:<\/p>\n

(Disclaimer: I have borrowed a character from Season 5)<\/span><\/span><\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
\n

Prologue1847\u201cBang! Bang!\u201d The voice of seven year old Little Joe Cartwright rang throughout the large sitting room of the Ponderosa. \u201cBang! Bang!\u201d he continued, riding his favorite pony within his mind as he shot at the imaginary Indians that appeared behind every chair and table. Without thought for safety he kept running speedily between the furniture with his left hand and fingers drawn into the shape of a gun, his battle building up to its usual conclusion when he would shoot down the last Indian and rein up, victorious!Suddenly a large figure emerged from the kitchen and Little Joe ran headlong into his father, the coffee in Ben\u2019s hand spilling onto the floor, the cup following with a crash.<\/p>\n

\u201cJoseph! Watch what you are doing!\u201d cried Ben, as his little son looked up in alarm. \u201cGosh. Sorry Pa, but I had that last Indian on the run, and nearly got him!\u201d he yelled triumphantly.<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, you should be getting ready for bed young man. Not riding the range at this time of night.\u201d Picking up the broken crockery, Ben returned to the kitchen and brought out a cloth to clean up the spilt liquid.<\/p>\n

\u201cAh, shucks Pa. Do I have to go to bed?\u201d Little Joe asked, his dark green eyes pleading with his father for just another five minutes before climbing the stairs to his room. With his brother Hoss staying over at a friend\u2019s house that night, it left the youngster with just his father for company, and he had looked forward to having him all to himself for once, if only for a few extra precious minutes.<\/p>\n

Ben shot him a look of annoyance as he finished wiping the floor, but his heart melted at the forlorn look on Joe\u2019s face and he gave a smile. \u201cAll right son. Just another five minutes, but you stop playing cowboys and Indians and sit quietly.\u201d \u201cYes sir,\u201d replied Little Joe. \u201cBut I wasn\u2019t playing cowboys and Indians Pa. I was a cavalry soldier chasing those Indians.\u201d<\/p>\n

Depositing the dirty cloth in the kitchen sink, Ben carried in a fresh cup of coffee, settling back in his favorite chair as he pulled out a letter from his shirt pocket. Little Joe sat quietly on the settee, watching as his father began to read, noticing the quiet smile that crept across his father\u2019s face. He had seen that look many times and knew it must be a letter from his eldest brother Adam. It was at times like these Ben liked to be undisturbed, left to wallow in the fine words and descriptions written by his eldest son, now so many miles away at college in Boston. However, for the seven year old, patience was never his strongest virtue, and he shuffled noisily in his seat unable to keep his silence for more than a minute.<\/p>\n

\u201cPa! When I grow up I want to be a soldier,\u201d he stated to his audience of one.<\/p>\n

\u201cMm?\u201d replied Ben, reading intently and not really listening to the youngster who was looking thoughtfully into the fire. \u201cWhen I grow up, I\u2019m going to be a soldier,\u201d Joe repeated, a little too loud for Ben\u2019s liking.<\/p>\n

Ben looked over at Joe, frowning slightly. \u201cWhy would you want to be a soldier son? Last month you wanted to be a sailor, and the month before a sheriff. What\u2019s wrong with just being a cowboy and helping to run this ranch with your brothers?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNothing I suppose Pa\u2026but I\u2019m always going to be the smallest and youngest around here. Too little to do the heavy jobs and too young to do the important ones. With Adam and Hoss around you\u2019ll manage fine without me. No! I want to be a cavalry soldier and fight battles, see lots of different places!\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben put down his treasured letter and looked at his son thoughtfully. \u201cBut I thought you loved the ranch Joe? Don\u2019t you want to be a part of it, help to make it bigger?\u201d The youngster nodded his head slightly, but still looked a little doubtful. \u201cSure I do Pa\u2026but sometimes I wonder what it would be like to do something else, go somewhere else. After all you let Adam go away.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBut Adam is coming back Joe. He wants to return and put his education to good use around here.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBut if I really wanted to do something else, would you let me Pa?\u201d Ben gave a gentle smile and nodded. \u201cOf course son. I would never stop you, Adam or Hoss following your dreams, whatever they were. But I would always hope the Ponderosa was a big enough dream for you all to share together.\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe nodded, his seven year old mind taking in all his father had said. \u201cI still want to be a soldier though Pa. That\u2019s my dream\u2026.even if I stay here on the Ponderosa. I am allowed to have a dream like that, aren\u2019t I Pa?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOf course you can have your dream Joe. But I bet by next week there will be something else you want to do or be, you mark my words!\u201d Ben smiled at his son, the sparkling green eyes holding his own gaze. \u201cI don\u2019t think so Pa,\u201d replied Little Joe resolutely. \u201cI love playing soldiers, so one day I\u2019m going to be one, and that\u2019s final!\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben laughed at his resolve, though not taking his young son seriously. \u201cWell, in that case Soldier Joe, you better start taking orders and head up those stairs to bed. Wouldn\u2019t want you to miss getting up early for reveille in the morning!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAh Pa, I\u2019m not going to be a soldier for years,\u201d laughed Little Joe as he went to Ben\u2019s side and kissed him goodnight. \u201cI\u2019m going to need to sleep in late for a long time yet!\u201d he shouted cheekily as he marched up the stairs, his father chuckling at him as he disappeared around the corner to his room.<\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

1861<\/p>\n

\u201cJoseph!\u201d Ben\u2019s deep booming voice echoed up the stairs of the Ponderosa as he stood at the bottom, holding on to the banister rail, tapping his foot on the first step in annoyance.<\/p>\n

With no sight or sound of movement from above Ben shouted again. \u201cJoseph! If you aren\u2019t down here in one minute there\u2019s going to be trouble!\u201d Sat at the dining table, Hoss and Adam caught each others gaze and shook their heads, both smiling, knowing their little brother was surely in for it this time. Last night he had promised faithfully to be up early, long before his father was due to leave for a five day trip to Sacramento and the yearly timber conference.<\/p>\n

This meeting was one Ben attended each year, keen to push forward his ideas of conservation with constant debate amongst the other land owners of Nevada and California. Not for him the policy of stripping every living tree to supply the booming silver mines that had shot up over the past few years. Ben Cartwright had decided years before to continually replant and restock the slopes of the Sierra Nevada and not leave them bare and barren once the pines had been felled to sustain the hunger of the Comstock Lode. It was a policy he felt compelled to pursue with anyone who would listen year after year.<\/p>\n

\u201cThat brother of yours is going to feel the palm of my hand on his backside in a minute, even if he has turned twenty one!\u201d cried Ben as he grew red with anger listening to the undeniable sound of silence from the upstairs bedroom. Taking a deep breath he placed his foot on the first step in readiness to charge upstairs when the front door suddenly opened and a fresh faced and wide awake youngest son entered the room.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou want me Pa?\u201d Joe asked as he looked over towards his father. \u201cHeard you yelling from the yard!\u201d Ben turned around in amazement.<\/p>\n

\u201cJoseph! Where did you come from?\u201d he responded, not quite believing his eyes. Equally surprised at his sudden appearance, Adam and Hoss sat back on their chairs as they watched the exchange between their brother and father with interest.<\/p>\n

\u201cWell you told me to be up early! So I\u2019ve harnessed the buggy and put your suitcase under the seat, as you asked me to. You do still want me to drive you into town in time to catch the stage, don\u2019t you Pa?\u201d he asked in all innocence.<\/p>\n

\u201cErm\u2026 yes son, that\u2019s just what I wanted you to do. Thank you,\u201d said Ben, giving his son an apologetic look as he walked over to his desk.<\/p>\n

Noting how his father was walking from the direction of the stairs, shocked enlightenment suddenly appeared on Joe\u2019s face. \u201cYou didn\u2019t think I was still in bed did you Pa?\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben gave a slight cough while Adam and Hoss began to hide a snigger as they watched their father\u2019s face turn red with embarrassment.<\/p>\n

\u201cGuess I did think the worst of you Joseph. I apologize,\u201d he said as Joe wandered towards the fireplace.<\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s okay Pa. Just wish some folk around here would have a bit more faith in me sometimes,\u201d he said, sitting down on the settee, a forlorn look covering his face.<\/p>\n

Shaking his head as he smiled gently towards Joe, Ben tidied up his desk, checking everything Adam would need for the next few days was left ready for him.<\/p>\n

\u201cEverything is here Adam. The list of chores, and all the paperwork for those accounts I need finalizing, so you and Hoss should have no problems while I\u2019m away,\u201d he shouted over to his son who was reading the local newspaper, his breakfast now finished as he supped his fourth cup of coffee of the morning.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m sure we will cope just fine,\u201d Adam called over as Ben gave his desk a final glance. Hoss nodded silently in agreement, his brow furrowed in concentration as he chewed a small piece of egg soaked bread.<\/p>\n

Joe rolled his eyes. Just what he needed, he mused. Too many chiefs and not enough Indians with his two elder brothers around to give him orders.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhen do I ever get to be in charge of delegating out all the chores?\u201d asked Joe mournfully in a quiet voice, half talking to himself.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhen I feel I can trust you young man,\u201d answered Ben who had heard his son\u2019s question clearly from the other side of the room.<\/p>\n

Joe shot round and looked at his father. \u201cWhy can\u2019t you trust me Pa? When have I ever let you down?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cJoseph, I seem to remember the last time I left you in charge you ended up masterminding the robbing of a bank with your brother! Or had that little episode just slipped your mind?\u201d he asked raising his eyebrows as Joe looked over at him.<\/p>\n

\u201cBut Pa, it wasn\u2019t my fault! There were extenuating circumstances\u2026.and I did give the money back!\u201d he added, a slight smile of triumph on his face.<\/p>\n

\u201cNot your fault? And whose fault was it that we had that odious man, Jedediah Millbank staying last year with a busted ankle?\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe frowned remembering the incident. \u201cBut it was just an accident Pa! Didn\u2019t mean to hit him on the foot with that log!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThat is not the point young man!\u201d cried Ben, inwardly chuckling to himself as the image of Jedediah leaving with the broken buggy canopy falling over his head flooded back.<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd what about you winning poor Su Ling in a poker game not so long ago\u2026I suppose that wasn\u2019t your fault either?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI thought I was winning a horse! But I had a straight flush Pa\u2026never won with that before!\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben fought hard to contain from laughing as he sought to keep the conversation serious.<\/p>\n

\u201cI just cannot allow myself to leave you in charge again Joseph. Heaven knows what I would come back to!\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe gave a glare of frustration. \u201cIt\u2019s not fair Pa! Elder brother is going to get me doing all the worst jobs\u2026.you know he is!\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben looked over at Adam, who was smiling broadly and nodding enthusiastically. \u201cOh yes little brother, I have quite a few of the most dirtiest jobs imaginable,\u201d he teased as Joe gave him an icy stare.<\/p>\n

\u201cSee what I mean Pa?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI am sure Adam will be fair in dishing out all the chores between the three of you Joe,\u201d Ben said, walking behind the settee and giving his youngest son a loving pat on the shoulder. Joe looked up and caught his father\u2019s gaze, but was not convinced.<\/p>\n

\u201cYeh! I bet!\u201d he said slowly as he looked over at the mischievous smile still evident on his elder brother\u2019s face. \u201cSometimes I wish I\u2019d joined the Army. Would be ordered around a lot less than I am here!\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben tried hard to keep a straight face. This had been Joe\u2019s favorite expression since childhood, uttered every time he felt the whole world must be against him! Hoss started to laugh at the amusing exchange between his family, but then winced with pain and shot his hand to his mouth, rubbing his cheek.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou still got the toothache Hoss?\u201d asked Ben, Joe now forgotten as he gave his middle son a look of concern. Hoss nodded. \u201cSure have Pa and it seems to be getting worse. Can\u2019t chew anything on that side of my mouth\u2026.and I\u2019m even losing my appetite,\u201d he replied, pushing away his half eaten breakfast as his cheek became redder.<\/p>\n

\u201cNow that is bad news boy!\u201d said Ben kindly, aware of Hoss\u2019 love of food. Anything that put him off eating Hop Sing\u2019s glorious fare was truly serious. \u201cJust get yourself over to the dentist, son.\u201d<\/p>\n

Hoss eyed his father, nodding and giving him a weak smile. Although he had the strength of three grown men, his fear of dentists was legendary and every excuse imaginable had been put forward over the past weeks to delay a visit.<\/p>\n

\u201cI will Pa, but that stuff he uses to knock me out always leaves me feeling sickly,\u201d he mumbled painfully, keen to offer another excuse as he felt the offending molar with his tongue. The pulsating tooth sent a spasm of pain around his mouth and Hoss yelped, his eyes watering with the agony of it all<\/p>\n

For such a big man there was something of the small child about Hoss at times and Ben noticed a look of fear on his son\u2019s face. He walked towards him, placing his hand on his shoulder and squeezing it tenderly. \u201cSon, you can\u2019t put it off any longer. You know that don\u2019t you?\u201d Hoss nodded miserably his hand drifting back to the sore cheek. His face visibly paled as he now realized the inevitability of taking a trip to Virginia City where the dentist had his office.<\/p>\n

\u201cCome on Hoss, I\u2019ve got an idea,\u201d said Ben finally. \u201cYou drive me into town instead of Joe. Get yourself booked into the hotel, then get that tooth removed at the dentists. If you are feeling unwell at least you can recover overnight without having to ride back here.\u201d<\/p>\n

Throwing a look between Adam and Joe he added. \u201cI\u2019m sure your brothers will manage a day without you to help with the chores.\u201d Hoss glanced over. \u201cWe will manage just fine Hoss,\u201d responded Adam seriously as he noted the half eaten egg and bacon on Hoss\u2019 plate.<\/p>\n

Joe also looked at him in sympathy. \u201cDon\u2019t you worry none brother. Can\u2019t have you starving yourself now, can we?\u201d he said, though inwardly groaning at the thought of the extra chores that would undoubtedly be thrown his way.<\/p>\n

Considering for a moment Hoss nodded resignedly. \u201cOkay I will\u2026and thanks.\u201d<\/p>\n

With one son sorted out, Ben looked back towards his youngest who\u2019d returned to stare despondently into the fire, disappointment showing plainly on his face. His plan to have a day out in Virginia City once his father was safely deposited on the stage was foiled. Now all there was to look forward to was elder brother telling him what to do.<\/p>\n

\u201cTell you what Joe,\u201d said Ben, leveling a sympathetic glance his way. \u201cI\u2019ll make a deal with you.\u201d Joe looked up, his eyes widening in surprise. \u201cPa?\u201d he responded confused. \u201cWhat kind of deal?\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben moved to his armchair and sat down as Joe looked at him intently.<\/p>\n

\u201cYes Pa! What kind of deal?\u201d echoed Adam, equally intrigued as he rose from his chair and stood with his back to the large fireplace, while Hoss walked upstairs to pack an overnight bag, still trying to rub away the pain of his infected tooth through his cheek.<\/p>\n

Ben sat back and smiled, well aware of the undivided attention now thrown his way by his eldest and youngest.<\/p>\n

\u201cWell Joe. Seems to me whenever I leave I always return to find you in a physically battered state, or the Ponderosa verging on some sort of disaster! So, this time when I return I want to find not one scratch or cut on you caused by fighting with your elder brother or being involved in a drunken brawl. Not one mark! You will do everything asked of you without a quibble and the ranch must be running smoothly and without any problems caused by you. If these conditions are met, then I will allow you to be in charge the next time I\u2019m away. How does that sound?\u201d he asked, waiting for an answer from Joe as his son squirmed in his seat.<\/p>\n

\u201cGee Pa, that\u2019s hard. Sometimes disasters just sort of happen around me\u2026.and you know I always seem to end up in a fight at some point with Adam while you\u2019re away. And as for the drunken brawl\u2026..that means I would have to stay away from the saloons every night!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cTake it or leave it Joseph!\u201d cried Ben as he stood up and made towards the front door.
\nJoe swallowed hard, narrowing his eyes as he looked at the slightly curled mouth of Adam, his brother trying hard not to laugh. This was such a safe bet, Adam mused. Little brother could hardly manage a day let alone five without getting into some kind of fight. Joe stared back at Adam, equally aware of the difficulty of the task involved.<\/p>\n

\u201cOkay Pa. It\u2019s a deal,\u201d he replied finally. After all, what had he to lose? Suddenly another thought came to him. \u201cWhat happens if I don\u2019t manage to keep my hands off brother Adam?\u201d he asked, shooting his elder brother a nervous look. \u201cDo I have to pay a forfeit?\u201d<\/p>\n

Trying hard to suppress a chuckle, Ben looked back over as he put on his jacket and gun belt, catching the note of panic in Joe\u2019s voice. \u201cWell, apart from not being in charge in the near future, I\u2019m sure we could think of a task that would keep you out of trouble for another week, far away from Virginia City and the ranch\u2026.clearing out the old line shacks comes to mind as a suitable chore. What do you say Adam?\u201d he asked, throwing a deep grin over towards his eldest son. Adam nodded as he stifled the laugh forming within his throat, while Joe eyed him with a look of brotherly disdain.<\/p>\n

Hoss walked downstairs, his bag packed. His infected tooth started to throb painfully again, making him swallow hard as he grimaced in discomfort. Joe looked over with sympathy, acknowledging the torment his brother was going through.<\/p>\n

\u201cDon\u2019t you worry none Hoss. Sooner that tooth is out the better. Just think of those juicy steaks you will be able to eat after today.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThanks Joe\u2026that\u2019s the one happy thought I will hold during the whole painful process,\u201d he responded as he moved to the front door, appreciating the look of concern passed his way by his little brother.<\/p>\n

\u201cSo I will see you boys in five days,\u201d Ben stated, viewing his youngest son\u2019s back as he
\nplaced his hat on his head. \u201cJust remember Joe, while I\u2019m away Adam has carte blanche
\nto run the Ponderosa. You do what he tells you\u2026.to the letter! Do you understand?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYes sir. I understand,\u201d Joe called to his father without turning around, curling his lip and poking his tongue out at Adam who was stood facing him by the fireplace with a smug look on his face.<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd stop poking your tongue out at your brother! You\u2019re not a little kid anymore Joseph!\u201d cried Ben as Hoss opened the door and went outside. Joe sat back with a start! Ben grinned over as Adam nodded, both men giving a combined look of understanding as Adam finally was unable to keep from laughing out loud at the look of surprise on his little brother\u2019s face.<\/p>\n

From the settee Joe turned around and gave his father a lingering look of misery, one that conveyed the deep sense of foreboding he seemed to feel at being left for five whole days in the hands of such a hard taskmaster\u2026.his brother!<\/p>\n

\u201cBye Pa,\u201d he said, forcing out a smile as his father gazed at him with loving concern. Ben looked at the curly haired young man with the deep green eyes who constantly brought him such joy. \u201cGoodbye Joseph,\u201d he said softly closing the door behind him.<\/p>\n

Suddenly Ben shivered, a feeling of unknown dread washing over him. Although he was not a superstitious man, he held onto the door knob for a few moments as if not sure whether to go or stay. \u201cPa? You coming?\u201d asked an impatient Hoss, his tooth now throbbing relentlessly, as he watched his father hesitate by the door.<\/p>\n

Silently cursing himself for his unfounded uneasiness Ben turned and joined Hoss, climbing up by his son\u2019s side, the buggy and its two occupants disappearing quickly behind the back of the barn in a cloud of dust.<\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

Joe gave a loud yawn and stretched out his arms above his head, his early morning start now catching up with him. He glanced over as his brother walked to the desk and sat in his father\u2019s chair, fingering the expanse of papers laid out in a tidy line.<\/p>\n

\u201cWell Adam, lets get it over with. What delightful chore have you decided I should do first?\u201d he asked resignedly, expecting the worst. Adam looked up and gave his brother a playful grin. \u201cWhy don\u2019t you come over here and we\u2019ll go through the list together?\u201d he asked. \u201cThere are quite a few to choose from.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOkay,\u201d Joe sighed, pushing himself up then joining his brother. He perched himself on the corner of the desk and picked up the paper with the familiar handwriting of his father.<\/p>\n

\u201cPa certainly didn\u2019t want us to be idle, did he?\u201d he remarked miserably, as his eyes flittered up and down the sheet of paper.<\/p>\n

Shaking his head Adam took the paper from Joe\u2019s hand and began to scan it himself.<\/p>\n

\u201cLets see\u2026 barn roof in need of repairing. Water holes in the east meadow to clear out. Finish mending the fence by the top of east meadow. Clear debris from the stream behind the house\u2026.\u201d Adam\u2019s voice trailed to silence as he quickly scanned down the list.<\/p>\n

\u201cI see what you mean Joe. There\u2019s enough here to keep us occupied for a week, never mind five days especially with Hoss out of action till tomorrow. I reckon Pa made out this list extra long deliberately, just to keep us away from the Silver Dollar!\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam sat thoughtfully as he re-read the list once again, mulling over an idea as he noticed Joe\u2019s forlorn expression. Finally his decision was made and he took a deep breath. \u201cThese chores need to be prioritized,\u201d he said, passing the paper back to Joe. \u201cIf you can sort them out, I\u2019ll do the accounts in the evening, and you can be in charge\u2026 deal?\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe gave him a quick glance in astonishment. \u201cYou\u2019re asking me to be in charge?\u201d his voice high pitched as his eyes widened in surprise. \u201cWhat would Pa say?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cPa left me with carte blanche to run the ranch, remember? Said you had to follow my orders\u2026to the letter! Well I\u2019m ordering you to sort out these chores and then take charge! Besides, you\u2019ve as much idea as any of us when it comes to this sort of thing,\u201d he admitted, pointing to the paper clenched tightly in Joe\u2019s hand. The respect in Adam\u2019s voice was more than evident as Joe stared at him incredulously.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou really want me to make the decisions? Tell you what to do?\u201d he asked again in disbelief.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhy not Joe? Don\u2019t you think you\u2019re up to it?\u201d Joe, a little taken aback, looked down at the paper in his hand as his stomach lurched unexpectedly.<\/p>\n

\u201cJoe? Are you alright?\u201d inquired Adam, noticing how his brother\u2019s face had turned decidedly pale.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m not sure\u2026this has come as a bit of a shock you know!\u201d he answered, trying hard to hide his nervousness. Being in charge was one thing, but to have the last word above his elder brother Adam! Well, that was another matter entirely. For a couple of minutes the two men sat in silence as Joe scanned down the list again. Slowly a confident smile appeared on his face. \u201cI\u2019m up to it Adam! I\u2019ll get these chores sorted out in such a way they will all be completed before Pa gets home!\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam raised his eyebrow in surprise. \u201cSuch a confident statement little brother! Well, if you can do that the beer is on me for the next month,\u201d he replied, grinning widely at Joe.
\n\u201cSo where do you want me to start?\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe laughed out loud, reveling at his brothers confidence in his capabilities.<\/p>\n

\u201cJust give me half an hour Adam\u2026.and thanks!\u201d said Joe sincerely, leveling a grateful gaze with his brother, before picking up a pencil and walking over to the dining table to check through the list, concentrating hard on his newly acquired task.<\/p>\n

Though never one to openly admit it, Adam loved and respected Joe more than his little brother would ever believe. Although he often rebelled at his elder brother\u2019s pompous and over protective nature, Adam recognized that under the impish, charming, volatile tempered, and devil-may-care attitude of his little brother was an thoughtful, caring and highly intelligent young man, more than capable of taking responsibility\u2026if only he took life a little more seriously at times!<\/p>\n

Adam knew their father would not approve of his unscheduled change of plan, so he steeled himself for his father\u2019s wrath as he leaned back in his chair unrepentant.
\nWhistling softly he folded his arms and closed his eyes awaiting the rescheduled work rota, hoping with all his heart he\u2019d done the right thing.<\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

The following two days passed in an exhausting blur as Adam and Joe worked through the long list of chores, hardly stopping for a minute, Joe\u2019s order of priority seeming to ease the time and effort required for each task. Adam accepted Joe\u2019s orders without contradiction, leaving Joe a little taken aback at the reversal of roles between them as the two brothers worked in unison and without argument.<\/p>\n

As they ate their supper on the second evening, it was obvious Hoss was not going to be joining them that night from his excursion to the dentist.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt looks like our big brother needs to convalesce a little longer than he intended,\u201d remarked Adam as he poured out two cups of coffee and passed one over to Joe.<\/p>\n

\u201cSo it would seem,\u201d replied Joe. \u201cBut we\u2019ve worked well together Adam. I have actually enjoyed doing all these chores with just the two of us\u2026.but don\u2019t go telling Pa that will you? You do realized he won\u2019t believe we haven\u2019t been at loggerheads all the time?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo, I guess he won\u2019t!\u201d answered Adam, also happy at their brotherly closeness over the past few days. The two men pushed back their chairs from the table and made themselves comfortable in the two armchairs opposite each other, both glad of the chance to ease their aching backs.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat do we have to do tomorrow Boss?\u201d Adam asked, giving Joe a friendly grin as they supped their coffee together in front of the blazing fire. Joe returned his smile, appreciating the quiet acceptance of all he had requested of his elder brother, never having to ask twice. He put down his coffee cup and brought out the well folded piece of paper from his shirt pocket. Nodding to himself as he read the chores left to do he stared for a minute, deep in thought, pondering his next course of action.<\/p>\n

\u201cThere are a couple of small chores to do around the barn, and those at the east meadow. I reckon they are going to take quite a few hours. After that, we should be finished!\u201d he said gleefully, giving himself an imaginary pat on the back as he grinned over at Adam.<\/p>\n

Frowning slightly, Adam leant over and took hold of the paper studying it closely. \u201cI can hardly believe it\u2026never thought we would actually do all Pa wanted. I take my hat off to you little brother\u2026you\u2019re a good organizer!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThank you,\u201d answered Joe, gratefully accepting the praise. \u201cThat means a lot to me.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI mean it Joe,\u201d replied Adam, stretching out his long legs and heaving them to rest on the coffee table in front of him. \u201cI must admit I didn\u2019t think it was possible, but you have done wonders.\u201d<\/p>\n

Not used to such congratulatory words, especially from his elder brother, Joe gave an embarrassed nod then relaxed in silence for what seemed an age until finally Adam sat up as if to rise.<\/p>\n

\u201cAh, well, I had better start doing some more of those accounts. Only managed a couple of hours last night\u2026.was too plum tuckered out to do any more,\u201d he stated, yawning loudly.<\/p>\n

\u201cLeave them tonight Adam. There\u2019s always tomorrow\u2026.that\u2019s an order!\u201d chuckled Joe, giving his brother a beaming smile.<\/p>\n

Adam sat back, inwardly relieved of an excuse to remain sitting where he was. Both brothers stared with heavy eyes into the flickering flames that danced in the huge grate in front of them and within minutes were sound asleep, their faint snores the only noise competing with the crackling flames that continued to shoot up the soot lined chimney.<\/p>\n

The next morning dawned with not a cloud in the Nevada sky. Adam made his way to the dining table, glancing at an empty coffee cup sat on the table. He was still sore from the past two days heavy labor, and stiff from the unscheduled sleep in his chair for most of the night. Both brothers had finally awoken around 3am, and had sleepily hauled themselves up to their beds, gratefully accepting the feel of their comfortable mattress and warm blankets.<\/p>\n

When leaving his room Adam had been tempted to knock hard on Joe\u2019s bedroom door when passing, but decided to let his little brother have the well deserved lie-in he usually craved. However, as Adam sat down at the dining table he noticed a note pinned under his plate and he looked at it, raising his eyebrows with surprise.<\/p>\n

Not only was Joe already up, he\u2019d decided to go to the east meadow alone, taking all the supplies for the tasks to be done in the wagon. As the journey took a couple of hours and the work involved would take quite a while, he had decided to camp over night so he could complete all that was required without the need to return to the ranch. All remaining chores, including the barn repair would therefore be completed the day after. Reading the hurriedly scribbled note, Adam smiled to himself as he was told his orders for the day.<\/p>\n

\u2018Please complete the accounts and then take it easy. Your old bones have been creaking so loudly over the past few days, they probably need the respite! Joe\u2019<\/em><\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

It was midday when Hoss finally arrived back at the Ponderosa. As he hung his hat on the hook fixed to the wall and undid his gun belt he looked over towards his father\u2019s desk where Adam was sat, head down, mulling over the final entries of the yearly accounts.<\/p>\n

\u201cHi there big brother,\u201d said Adam, looking up and smiling as Hoss walked over. \u201cHow are you feeling now?\u201d<\/p>\n

Pulling up a chair in front of the desk Hoss sat down then leaned back, gently rubbing his cheek. \u201cMuch better Adam. Had that aching tooth out, but even though my mouth is a mite sore, I\u2019ve got my appetite back! I\u2019m so hungry I could even eat your cooking right now!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, you won\u2019t need to do that,\u201d replied Adam with a chuckle. \u201cYou\u2019ve certainly timed it to perfection as Hop Sing is just about to serve lunch!\u201d Closing the last ledger, Adam stretched out his arms behind his head and flexed his fingers, his task finally completed to his satisfaction.<\/p>\n

\u201cWe expected you back yesterday. You been trying to get out of all those chores Pa left us?\u201d he teased. Hoss shook his head as his stomach rumbled loudly. \u201cIntended to come back yesterday, but Roy Coffee asked me a favor.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam raised his eyebrow, \u201cRoy? What did he want? Not been on a posse have you?\u201d<\/p>\n

Shaking his head Hoss stood up and headed towards the delicious aroma of potatoes and chicken, just deposited on the table by Hop Sing. \u201cNope, nothing like that. Seems there\u2019s four troops of Union Cavalry making their way from Fort Bridger down towards New Mexico, complete with supply wagons. A sergeant was in town, wondering where they could camp for a couple of days to rest their horses and the men. Roy asked if they could stay on the Ponderosa, so I showed the Sergeant the meadow up on the north border. It\u2019s empty of cattle at the moment, and there\u2019s plenty of water, so I didn\u2019t think there would be a problem.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam pursed his lips and gave out a whistle. \u201cFour Troops? That\u2019s\u2026near on 400 men! Something must be pretty important to send them away from the Indian territories. I wonder why they have come this far west? It would be a lot quicker going down to New Mexico through Colorado? Did the Sergeant say anything to you?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNot a lot. With this Civil War gaining ground he wasn\u2019t too sure what was going on himself. Just knew Fort Bridger was being abandoned for a while and they were headed for Fort Union. Seems there\u2019s been rumors the Confederacy are heading towards Denver so maybe that\u2019s why they are keeping as far west as they can\u2026didn\u2019t want to end up clashing with a regiment of \u2018ornery southerners!\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam shook his head, despairing of the war that started months before, many miles away, and was now pitting father against son, brother against brother\u2026.<\/p>\n

He thought back to just over a year, when Frederick Kyle, a Confederate sympathizer, had appeared in Virginia City, drumming up support for the Southern cause. Both Adam and Joe had argued bitterly, Joe drawn to the southern states because of his mother\u2019s Louisiana blood, and Adam towards his New England heritage. He shuddered to think how close he had come that time to leaving the Ponderosa and all he held dear rather than let his little brother become an enemy within a house divided. Luckily for them all, common sense had prevailed and he had stayed, his brother apologizing, the family bond remaining strong and unyielding.<\/p>\n

Hoss could see Adam was miles away, his face dark and serious.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt was okay wasn\u2019t it Adam? Letting the Army use our land?\u201d Shaken from his reverie
\nAdam nodded his head. \u201cOf course it was. Did you stay at the Army camp overnight?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo, Miller\u2026the Sergeant, told me his battalion were about 6 hours behind. He was a real nice fella\u2026kind of reminded me of Pa somehow. Anyhow, he returned to guide them to the north meadow, and by the time I got back to Virginia City it was dark so I stayed over another night.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s fine Hoss. But do be sure to check with the boss tomorrow, fill him in with the details.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat? Pa isn\u2019t coming back a day early is he?\u201d asked a bemused Hoss, as he sat down at the dining table and gleefully began scooping food onto his plate.<\/p>\n

\u201cNo he isn\u2019t. But Joe will be!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cJoe? You got me darn confused Adam. What\u2019s Joe got to do with it? And where is he, by the way? You two haven\u2019t been fighting again have you? Not got him doing all those chores on his own?\u201d Hoss gave his brother a wary look out of the corner of his eye as he placed a portion of meat into his mouth.<\/p>\n

\u201cI made a little change in the arrangements Hoss,\u201d replied Adam. \u201cJoe has been dishing out the orders. He decided to stay over at the east meadow till tomorrow which makes good sense too, saving a lot of time going back and forth. Our little brother has certainly been a revelation these past couple of days.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSo Joe volunteered himself to stay out all night?\u201d asked Hoss incredulously, chewing with ease for the first time in days.<\/p>\n

\u201cHe sure did. Even ordered me to stay here all day, seeing as most of the chores have now been done.\u201d<\/p>\n

With a splutter of surprise Hoss looked over at Adam in disbelief. \u201cWhat? Nearly all of them chores is done? If I\u2019d known the two of you could manage that well I would of stayed away a while longer!\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam gave a laugh while helping himself to a portion of potatoes, but as he tucked into his meal his mind wandered, a frown appearing as he thought of all the young Union men now riding towards\u2026who knows what? He shuddered involuntarily, inwardly relieved that this violent and catastrophic civil war had so far left him and his family untouched. But for how long, he wondered\u2026how long?<\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

Two days later, sitting on the buckboard on the main street of Virginia City, a slightly worried looking Adam Cartwright awaited the mid-morning stage from Sacramento. His father was due at any minute and Adam tapped his fingers thoughtfully on his knee as he awaited his arrival, not looking forward to the news he would have to give him. On time the stage duly pulled in and Ben dismounted, catching his bag thrown down from the roof by the driver.<\/p>\n

\u201cHi Pa. Good to have you back,\u201d said Adam as he walked up to his father, giving him a welcoming smile as he took the bag from his hand. Feeling tired from the long journey Ben looked over wearily.<\/p>\n

\u201cGood to be back son,\u201d he said. \u201cThat journey seems to get longer and longer every year.\u201d Climbing onto the buckboard, Adam expertly maneuvered the single horse through the busy thoroughfare of the main street and slowly made his way out of town, both men sitting in silence.<\/p>\n

\u201cEverything all right son?\u201d asked Ben finally as he glanced over, Adam\u2019s face looking more serious than usual. Shaking his head Adam pursed his lips. \u201cI don\u2019t really know Pa. I\u2019m sure there is a reasonable explanation, but at the moment we seem to have lost Joe!\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben\u2019s eyes widened. \u201cYou\u2019ve lost Joseph? What on earth has he been up to now? Can\u2019t I leave that young man for five days without him causing some sort of havoc around the Ponderosa?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo Pa, you don\u2019t understand. Joe has been working real hard and went up to do those chores at the east meadow, even offering to stay overnight rather than come back and go again the next morning. He should of finished yesterday afternoon, at the latest\u2026but he didn\u2019t come home so Hoss left after breakfast to see if there\u2019s any sign of him.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cKnowing your brother he has probably sloped off and made his way to one of the saloons in Carson City for the night. He wouldn\u2019t dare come to Virginia City knowing I was arriving back today.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam tightened his lips. \u201cNormally I would of agreed Pa, but not this time.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben sat in silence, his face covered with a deep frown. \u201cWell, lets see what Hoss has to report. But I bet your little brother will be sleeping soundly on the settee by the time we get home, just you see!\u201d he said soundly, but his voice betrayed a feeling of unease he really felt.<\/p>\n

Arriving back at the ranch, Chubb was tied to the hitching post when Ben and Adam pulled into the yard. As they alighted from the buggy Hoss walked out and welcomed his father\u2019s return with a quick shake of the hand, knowing by the look on his face he was aware of the situation. Adam threw him a questioning look which Hoss caught immediately.<\/p>\n

\u201cNo Adam! No sign! Found where he had been working, but the fence hadn\u2019t been finished and there were a few posts scattered on the ground. Even the tools were still lying there\u2026it just isn\u2019t like Joe to leave a job unfinished and in such a mess.\u201d<\/p>\n

Making their way into the house Ben sat down, his brow furrowed with worry. Bringing out a fresh pot of coffee from the kitchen, Adam poured out three drinks and passed one over to his father who accepted it gratefully. As Hoss sat down on the settee he suddenly put his hand in his pocket and pulled out a piece of paper.<\/p>\n

\u201cAlmost forgot\u2026found this up there,\u201d he said, passing it over to Adam who unfolded the scrunched up note, recognizing it immediately. Biting his lip nervously he passed it over to his father who gave it a quick read. \u201cMy list of chores? And all nearly done!\u201d he said thoughtfully. \u201cNot like Joe to throw this away though. He would have great satisfaction in showing me, just to prove what he had completed.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat shall we do Pa?\u201d asked Hoss finally, more than grateful their father was now back to take charge. Ben looked over at Adam. \u201cYou sure Joe gave no indication he was going to do another job\u2026visit someone?\u201d Adam shook his head. \u201cNo Pa. Just said he was going to the east meadow, nowhere else.\u201d<\/p>\n

Taking a deep breath Ben stood up and looked down at his sons. \u201cHoss, would you go and saddle up Buck for me please? Once I\u2019ve changed out of these clothes we had better go out and look for your brother.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSure thing Pa,\u201d said Hoss as he rose from the chair. \u201cAny thoughts where we are going to start?\u201d Ben shook his head. \u201cI was hoping you boys would give me some ideas,\u201d he answered as he slowly made his way up the stairs.<\/p>\n

Hoss gave Adam a worried look, raising his eyebrows, then walked out to the barn, leaving his elder brother sitting alone wondering what could have happened to his youngest sibling in such a short time.<\/p>\n

It was early afternoon when the three Cartwrights finally arrived at Joe\u2019s last known place of work. Hoss dismounted and passed Chubb\u2019s reins over to Adam, then began to look keenly around, studying the dry ground as his father and brother watched intently. Hoss was undoubtedly the best man suited to tracking anything that moved on the Ponderosa, and his perseverance paid off when he suddenly let out a yell and pointed down to the floor.<\/p>\n

\u201cLooks like the wagon went due east Pa. I recognize that chipped shoe on one of those two horses pulling that wagon.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cEast? Why would he go east? Nothing that way except that newly built Overland Stage relay station fifteen miles away!\u201d said Adam puzzled as Hoss remounted and the three men sat, totally perplexed and unable to hide their unease.<\/p>\n

\u201cWell boys\u2026.if that\u2019s the way he went, we had better follow. I just hope this isn\u2019t a wild goose chase your brother is leading us on! \u2018Cause if it is\u2026heaven help him!\u201d said Ben as he gathered up his reins and urged Buck forward, his two son\u2019s following as they glanced at each other with trepidation.<\/p>\n

For an hour they rode at a steady pace due east, finally arriving at their destination in the middle of the afternoon. The relay station comprised of a small stone built house that stood alone, its walls freshly white washed, and in a garden around the back a varied amount of healthy vegetables could be seen growing. A large barn was connected to a corral in which a dozen horses were enclosed, and they looked over in unison as the three men came into view and pulled up in front of a well built wooden verandah. Wearily they dismounted, stretching their backs and legs that ached from the long unscheduled ride that day.<\/p>\n

The front door opened and a young man in his early thirties appeared, smiling cautiously at his visitors. Fredrik Larsson, his wife Mathilda, and five year old son Johan, had only arrived a few months before from their Swedish homeland, readily accepting the tenancy of the newly built relay station, and eager to begin a new life for themselves in their adopted country.<\/p>\n

\u201cHello! How may I help you?\u201d Fredrik asked in a strong Scandinavian accent.<\/p>\n

\u201cGood afternoon,\u201d answered Ben with a slight smile, Fredrik\u2019s accent stirring fond memories of his second wife Inger. \u201cWe are looking for someone, a young man\u2026he may of come this way within the last couple of days? Probably driving a two horse wagon?\u201d<\/p>\n

Fredrik nodded and gave a smile. \u201cOh yes. Joe!\u201d he answered, noticing a look of relief that flittered across Ben\u2019s face. \u201cJoe?\u201d echoed Adam.<\/p>\n

\u201cYes Joe. Joe..erm Cartfield\u2026no..Cartwright. That\u2019s right, Joe Cartwright! I remember him well.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhen was he here?\u201d queried Adam, the tone of his voice carrying a slight edge of impatience.<\/p>\n

\u201cHe arrived early yesterday morning, looking a little tired, but said Lady Fortune must have blessed and guided him to our stagecoach station during the night. We gave him breakfast and when we told him the next stage east was due in within the hour he asked if I wanted to buy his horses and wagon,\u201d answered Fredrik, noticing the looks of confusion that passed between the three men.<\/p>\n

\u201cHe wanted to sell them?\u201d asked Adam bewildered. \u201cWhy?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHe told me it was the chance he waited for. I wasn\u2019t too keen, but my wife persuaded me, so I paid him, erm\u2026.cash on the nose? Is that how you say it?\u201d he asked in faltering English. \u201cI gave him good price! I did not cheat him,\u201d he cried in alarm as he stared at Adam\u2019s icy and skeptical expression.<\/p>\n

\u201cDid he say why he was going east?\u201d Hoss asked frowning, his expression serious as he looked over at his father\u2019s shocked face.<\/p>\n

\u201cHe said he wanted to get away\u2026.no more taking\u2026erm\u2026orders. Yes\u2026orders! He say he wants better life, far away, never going to return.\u201d An uncomfortable silence settled, Fredrik totally confused by the looks of utter disbelief and distress etched on the faces in front of him.<\/p>\n

Suddenly a female figure could be seen peering through the doorway, her pretty face looking nervously at the visitors as she called over to her husband.<\/p>\n

\u201cVad vill de? Jag vill inte ha n\u00e5gra problem,\u201d<\/p>\n

Fredrik viewed his wife then turned back to Ben. \u201cMy wife is a little nervous. She wonders what you want. She is still unused to this country and doesn\u2019t want any trouble.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cPlease tell her we mean no harm,\u201d said Ben quietly as he forced out a reassuring smile, though inwardly his heart was breaking.<\/p>\n

Frederik nodded, his strange words spilling out quickly, \u201cSch. Det \u00e4r inget att vara r\u00e4dd f\u00f6r. De vill bara veta vem som s\u00e5lde den nya k\u00e4rran och h\u00e4sten till oss.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI have told her you are just asking who sold us the wagon and horses and she has nothing to worry about.\u201d<\/p>\n

With a faint glimmer of a smile Mathilda closed the door, leaving the four men to continue their conversation as the sound of a small child could be heard laughing inside the house.<\/p>\n

Adam pressed on. \u201cThis man\u2026Joe\u2026who sold you the wagon, could you describe him?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOf course! Joe was a very good looking young man, dark curly hair, green colored eyes. He was forever smiling and seemed very happy he was able to catch a stage so quickly, making my little boy laugh, even though they could not understand each other very well. My wife felt sorry for him when he told how his mother had died when he was about the same age as our Johan.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam glanced at his father and brother as he felt a sob crawl up into his throat. \u201cDid he wear a firearm?\u201d Fredrik looked at Adam and shrugged, not understanding the English.
\n\u201cFirearm?\u201d he echoed. \u201cYes, gun\u2026like this,\u201d said Adam impatiently, pointing to his right hip where his colt lay nestled within its holster.<\/p>\n

\u201cAh! Now I understand. Yes he has firearm\u2026but on other side,\u201d replied Fredrik as he tapped his left leg. Adam visibly paled at further confirmation of the man\u2019s identity.<\/p>\n

\u201cPlease, wait here a moment,\u201d Fredrik requested suddenly, disappearing through the front door. Moments later he reappeared, a green jacket folded over his arm. \u201cThe young man\u2026Joe, he left this behind. Do you recognize it?\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben staggered slightly with shock as he viewed the garment. \u201cJoseph?\u2026 why?\u201d he muttered, and as his legs nearly buckled under him Hoss leapt forward, gently guiding his father to a bench on the verandah. Fredrik gazed at them sympathetically as Adam took hold of the familiar piece of clothing, holding it close to his chest.<\/p>\n

\u201cThis man\u2026Joe\u2026he is kin to you?\u201d Fredrik asked finally. Adam nodded over. \u201cHe is kin,\u201d he answered simply, fighting hard to control the tears he felt forming in the back of his eyes.<\/p>\n

\u201cAre we following Joe?\u201d asked a distraught Hoss to his father as Ben stared down the road, the tracks of the stage coach clearly visible on the dusty surface. Taking a deep breath and pursing his lips tight Ben stood up and walked to his horse, shaking his head.
\n\u201cNo son. We\u2019re going home,\u201d he answered sadly, dragging himself into the saddle.<\/p>\n

With heavy hearts the three Cartwrights turned their horses back towards the Ponderosa, hardly believing, and unwillingly accepting the son and brother they loved so deeply had deserted them in such a malicious and cruel manner.<\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

The day had passed quickly for Joe when he eventually arrived at the east meadow. Straightaway he could see the extensive gap in the fencing and he had inwardly groaned. This was much more than he had expected but no way was he going to let himself down in front of the family now.<\/p>\n

All day he toiled, digging out the old broken posts, resetting the new, replacing broken wooden slats between. It was a repetitive and back breaking task, made worse by the heat of the day and the hardness of the ground. Stripped to the waist, the sweat poured off him as he continued, hardly drawing breath and oblivious to all his surroundings.<\/p>\n

As the afternoon drew to a close, away to his left and hidden within a copse of trees, a pair of eyes followed Joe, watching intently his every move for many minutes. The young cavalry soldier had been sent with two other troopers by their sergeant to hunt for extra meat to sustain their meager rations while on the long haul south. The three men had parted company for a while to hunt alone and it was while he rested with half a dozen dead jack rabbits draped behind his saddle, the young Union trooper first spotted Joe.<\/p>\n

This soldier was a disillusioned young man who had run away from his small, sparse and barely profitable ranch in Wyoming at the age of sixteen, leaving behind a father who neither cared for nor loved his only son. With the death of his mother at the age of five, he grew up to become rebellious, devious and with a volatile temper. A temper that eventually caused such bitter arguments with his father that when he finally left, the young man vowed he would never return.<\/p>\n

Taking work where he could find it he survived for a few years until he finally turned up at Fort Bridger and decided to enlist. After all, the Army offered regular pay, three meals a day and company at night to play poker, his winning streak the cause of many sideward glances between his fellow troopers. But knowing how his temper could explode at a whim, no one ever questioned the suspicious run of good luck of the dark, curly haired young man, with the sparkling green eyes and handsome smile.<\/p>\n

However his mundane, boring and safe life at the fort that he accepted happily eventually came to an end. He had enlisted in peacetime but now the Union Army was at war with the Southern Confederacy and he was marching many miles to certain conflict. It was not a prospect he relished. Gambling in the saloons of the ever growing towns of the west was much more inviting than fighting for a cause he neither understood nor cared for so he continually looked for a way out of his predicament.<\/p>\n

Today his prayer would be answered!<\/p>\n

While hidden among the heavily leaved trees, he soon noticed something about this stranger who toiled continually in the late summer sun that made his eyes open with astonishment and amazement. Hardly able to believe his luck a plan began to formulate within his head, his keen mind willing to grasp this god-given opportunity with both hands. Now he could take his leave of the Army and no one would ever realize the truth! Yes! he mused, it could work\u2026.it must work!<\/p>\n

As the afternoon came to an end and the bright sun began to slip towards the western horizon the young trooper made his move. He could see Joe was working alone, so dismounting he walked his horse slowly towards the young Cartwright as Joe stood by the wagon, about to take a drink of refreshing water from the cask in the back. Joe heard the approaching sound of hooves on the hard ground and he swung round, his left hand gripping the handle of his Colt .45. However with the sun low in the west Joe was dazzled and unable to make out the distinctive features of the man, but he recognized the Cavalry uniform and the Army bridle on the bay horse so he relaxed his hand as his visitor came to a stop.<\/p>\n

\u201cHowdy soldier,\u201d he said, as he ran his fingers through his curly hair. \u201cWhat brings you to these parts?\u201d<\/p>\n

Partly hidden by his horse\u2019s neck, his hat pulled down over his face, the trooper answered quietly. \u201cBeen hunting extra game for my unit. Could I have a swig of your water? Seems I have run dry.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSure,\u201d replied Joe. \u201cI\u2019m Joe Cartwright by the way. You camped far from here?\u201d he asked as he turned his back on his companion and reached for a large ladle. However, before Joe had even turned halfway around a raised hand cracked him behind the ear with a gun butt, causing him to stagger forward. Then another savage blow on his forehead sent him backwards, plunging him deep into blackness, and far out of the reach of pain as he hit the ground with a resounding thump.<\/p>\n

Quickly and without remorse, the trooper went about his plan, the savage blows clearly the attack of a man determined to kill his victim. Stripping down both himself and Joe, he pulled on Joe\u2019s pants and put on the shirt that lay on top of the wagon. He even put on Joe\u2019s boots, which miraculously fitted perfectly. His only problem was the gun belt which favored a left hander but that was a minor inconvenience he mused. Then he dressed Joe in his Cavalry uniform. It was not an easy task as the unconscious figure lay as a dead weight, but the trooper persevered, and soon Joe was in Army regulation dark blue shirt, light blue trousers, gun belt and gun, everything fitting like a glove.<\/p>\n

Angus Borden looked down, still not quite believing what he saw. It was as if he looked in a mirror for never would he have believed there was another who could look as identical to him as the man lying on the ground. The Lord has been truly kind this day, Angus thought, his true wicked personality now emerging. \u201cThank you Joe Cartwright,\u201d he said with a sneering grin, giving a quick salute to the corpse-like figure.<\/p>\n

Bending down he picked up a green jacket and looked through the pockets finding a small wallet containing forty dollars, a small fortune to the young man, and a piece of paper which he unfolded and read quickly. It seemed to be a list of chores, most of which had a pencil line through them, and being of no interest, he screwed it up and threw it onto the floor. Placing the wallet in his shirt pocket he then flung the jacket over the seat and climbed onto the wagon, moving off without a backward glance, Angus Borden making his quick escape towards the east and the beckoning life of a hard drinking and dubiously honest card sharp.<\/p>\n

A half hour later, as Joe lay unconscious, two troopers appeared in the clearing, freshly killed deer and rabbits hanging from their saddles. They noticed the figure motionless on the floor and rushed over towards their fallen comrade, immediately seeing the bruised forehead and flowing blood from the wound on the back of his head. Assuming Joe had been flung then kicked by his horse which now grazed contentedly feet away, they carefully lifted him up, one man holding Joe tightly as they rode while the other grabbed his horse and they made their way back to the north meadow campsite, neither man aware their comrade was Joe Cartwright rancher\u2019s son and not Angus Borden, Union Cavalry soldier.<\/p>\n

Hastily the troopers took the unconscious Joe to Captain John Roberts, chief surgeon and medical officer, who immediately took charge. His new patient was placed gently onto a mattress inside one of the hospital wagons, and the two troopers returned to report to their Troop Sergeant and deliver the assortment of meat successfully hunted over the past hours.<\/p>\n

The cut on the back of Joe\u2019s head was deep, his thick hair cushioning the blow and probably saving him from instant death. Blood flowed for a while as the doctor gently bathed and cleaned the wound, but eventually it stopped as a bandage was wrapped around his head. After an hour, with a damp and cool cloth on his forehead, Joe slowly began to moan and regain consciousness, his eyes eventually opening as he viewed with blurred vision the unfamiliar face that looked at him.<\/p>\n

Looking wildly around him, panic filled his eyes as he tried to rise up. \u201cTake it easy trooper,\u201d said Captain Roberts firmly. \u201cYou\u2019ve just had a lucky escape. Looks like your horse kicked you on the head a couple of times but nothing else seems broken.
\nAnother half inch deeper and I reckon we would have been burying you tonight!\u201d<\/p>\n

The strong hands of the doctor gently pushed his patient\u2019s shoulders back down onto the mattress as a feeling of nausea swept over Joe and he fought hard to keep from retching, his face growing pale. With a well practiced eye the Captain passed over a bowl and placed it by Joe\u2019s head. \u201cYou feeling sick?\u201d he asked. Joe nodded and then promptly emptied the contents of his stomach into the container. Quickly whisking it to one side, Roberts handed over a mug of water, leaving Joe to swill the liquid around and displace the sickly taste left in his mouth.<\/p>\n

\u201cFeel better now?\u201d asked Roberts, replacing a wet cloth on Joe\u2019s forehead.<\/p>\n

With all energy gone Joe sunk down onto the mattress and nodded, watching as Roberts shouted out for an orderly who duly appeared and removed the unpleasant smelling basin.<\/p>\n

\u201cWho are you\u2026where am I?\u201d asked Joe finally in a weak voice.<\/p>\n

The doctor frowned and looked deeply into his patients eyes. \u201cLooks like you got a touch of concussion\u2026don\u2019t you recognize me or where you are?\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe looked blankly and shook his head. \u201cWhat about an easy question then\u2026.what\u2019s your name?\u201d Again Joe stared, wide eyed and fearful, shaking his head.<\/p>\n

\u201cI can\u2019t..remember. I can\u2019t remember anything?\u201d he stated as the curtain at the back of the wagon suddenly opened and a face peered through. Grey haired and in his middle forties with penetrating brown eyes, the veteran Sergeant of many years service looked into the gloom of the wagon.<\/p>\n

\u201cAh Sergeant! This is one of your troopers I presume?\u201d asked the Captain as Sergeant Thomas Miller looked over at Joe.<\/p>\n

\u201cSure is Sir. Is he badly hurt?\u201d The doctor shook his head, but still cast a worried glance over to the Sergeant. \u201cNothing broken, but has concussion and a touch of amnesia. Can\u2019t remember who or where he is?\u201d<\/p>\n

Although he had only been posted to Fort Bridger a few weeks before, Miller had made a point of learning every name of the one hundred troopers under his control. He recognized the face in front of him, recalling the trooper\u2019s undeniable reputation as a excellent poker player, but knew little else about his personality.<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, I can help him there,\u201d responded Sergeant Miller, staring over at the young man who was watching him with an uneasy expression on his face. \u201cYour name is Angus Borden and you are in D Troop.\u201d<\/p>\n

Puzzled Joe looked down at the deep blue shirt and blue pants he wore, and felt the yellow necktie tied around his throat. \u201cI..I\u2019m in the Army then?\u201d asked Joe as sweat began to pour down his face. \u201cI\u2019m in the Army, but I don\u2019t remember anything about it? Don\u2019t even recognize my own name. What do I do now?\u201d his openly frightened gaze shifting between the Medical Officer and the Troop Sergeant.<\/p>\n

\u201cWell for a start you are going to lie here for a couple of days to make sure there are no other side effects,\u201d replied Roberts as he looked over towards the man by the back curtain. \u201cWhen you are recovered to my satisfaction you can then rejoin your Troop and the sergeant here. He will soon show you the ropes!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSo he won\u2019t be fit enough to ride when we break camp tomorrow?\u201d asked Miller, truly concerned for the young man under his command.<\/p>\n

\u201cDefinitely not! He will be staying in the hospital wagon for a few days yet.\u201d<\/p>\n

Miller nodded over in agreement. \u201cYou get some rest then Borden. I will come and check up on you again in the morning.\u201d Joe nodded, visibly relaxing at the deep booming kindly voice of the sergeant but not quite knowing why.<\/p>\n

He managed a weak smile. \u201cThanks\u2026erm..Sergeant,\u201d he said as Miller closed the curtain and left, leaving Joe to lean back on the mattress. Gratefully sipping another mug of water offered by the Captain, Joe fought hard to recall anything\u2026something\u2026but to no avail\u2026his past life was just lost in a deep dark void.<\/p>\n

After a fitful sleep during the cool Nevada night, Joe was awoken to loud cries and shouts as 400 men and horses awoke and prepared for breakfast before making ready to move off and continue the long trek towards the deserts and mountains of New Mexico. As promised Sergeant Miller arrived early to check on his injured trooper, and looking in on the young man saw Joe was awake and eating a small portion of milk and oatmeal.<\/p>\n

\u201cLooks like you got some color in your cheeks,\u201d he said, giving Joe a friendly and encouraging smile. \u201cRemembered anything?\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe shook his head as he put down the emptied bowl on the floor of the wagon. He rubbed his bruised forehead gently and slumped deep into his pillow. \u201cTried and tried but nothing comes to mind. The Captain told me I might get my memory back anytime so I guess I will just have to be patient.\u201d<\/p>\n

Miller nodded. \u201cJust you try and rest and get your strength back. Isn\u2019t going to be easy in this wagon I grant you! Bet you feel every wheel rut in Nevada!\u201d he said chuckling as Joe also smiled back sharing the humor of the moment.<\/p>\n

\u201cAnyway I had better get back to the rest of my troop. We\u2019re due to break camp in five minutes and my Lieutenant is fussing around like a man possessed!\u201d he said laughing loudly.<\/p>\n

As he turned to leave Joe called out, a question tugging at him. \u201cHey Sergeant. What do I do when I am well enough to return to duty?\u201d<\/p>\n

The old sergeant looked back into the wagon and grinned, warming to the sparkling green eyes that looked at him. \u201cWell Borden, then you get to play soldiers!\u201d<\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

For the next few days as his head ached and dizzy spells persisted, Joe lay back on the mattress feeling every bump and groove in the well-traveled road. The long column of cavalry horses and men, complete with hospital and supply wagons slowly made their way through Nevada, and from his sick bed Joe failed to notice the once familiar towering mountains of the Sierra Nevada disappear from sight, as hour by hour the distance between him and the Ponderosa grew.<\/p>\n

Finally, after five days Joe was well enough to rejoin his troop. Relieved to at last leave the confines of the hospital wagon he welcomed happily Sergeant Miller who took it upon himself to assist the young trooper whose amnesia had left him a little traumatized, unsure of his surroundings and the people around him. As he instructed him at every opportunity on all aspects of the Cavalry Trooper\u2019s way of life, Joe absorbed the information greedily, soon became familiar and comfortable with his new routine, obeying orders sent his way without a second thought. The days passed by quickly and he found himself enjoying the hard ways of the Army, it soon becoming apparent to all who had known him, a new and better Angus Borden had emerged since his accident, his fellow troopers and officers warming to him as never before.<\/p>\n

Details of his past filtered through during late evening conversations with his new found friends, and he learned of his sad and miserable childhood on a small ranch in Wyoming. His memory failed to return as Captain Roberts had indicated, but with so much to do and think about he adapted with what he knew and compensated for his lack of knowledge by improvising, usually successfully.<\/p>\n

However one puzzle caused him minor irritation. Wearing a right handed Army regulation firearm, he felt comfortable when his Army pistol was in his left hand, and often commented to Sergeant Miller he felt sure he should have a left handed holster. Miller had just laughed it off, telling him he had been wearing a right handed holster ever since joining the Army. With no plausible explanation offered, Joe eventually stopped mentioning it, but even the Sergeant failed to understand why Joe now wrote with his left hand instead of the right.<\/p>\n

Day followed day, Joe accepting his new life as Angus Borden, Union Cavalry soldier without a thought. Onward the long Army column trekked, past the snow capped mountains of Nevada, the arid deserts of Arizona and onto New Mexico, finally arriving in late December at Fort Union, their presence causing much celebration amongst those already stationed at the territorial outpost. This garrison and arsenal was an important link for the supply of everything required by the military in the south west. Over the years it had constantly repelled Indian raids, winning fame and becoming known as the Guardian of the Santa Fe Trail. However, with the Civil War gaining support amongst the states and territories of the south, its importance became more acute.<\/p>\n

The start of 1862 saw Joe and his fellow troopers settling into their cramped quarters, but even the three-tier bunk beds with straw mattresses provided undeniable comfort after the weeks on the trail. Early reveille, care and feeding of their horses, and guard duty around the fort filled their days, along with patrols throughout the area, ever watchful for rogue Indian raiders, but more alert for the grey-shirted army threatening to arrive at any time. Sergeant Miller continued to keep a watchful eye on Joe, admiring his dexterity and his ability to relearn so much in such a short time, his loss of memory all those months ago now hardly mentioned between them.<\/p>\n

February arrived and unsettling reports and rumors began to filter around the fort about the impending arrival of enemy forces. General Sibley had entered New Mexico with a Brigade of Texan men, easily defeating Union forces based at Albuquerque and Santa Fe. Now his hungry eyes had settled on the Colorado gold fields, their reserves needed badly by the Southern States in an attempt to fund the ever growing confrontation with the North.<\/p>\n

With the Confederate force drawing nearer and nearer, the men of Fort Union waited anxiously. This was to be the first time many of the troopers would be engaged in battle against their fellow Americans, and with mixed feelings of nervousness, fear and excitement they wondered how long before they too would be drawn into their first conflict of the Civil War.<\/p>\n

Then, on one chilly March morning, a squad of Colorado volunteers sympathetic to the Union arrived, commanded by a man named Chivington. Days before they had ambushed part of the Confederate force at Apache Canyon, sending them into retreat, but they knew another even bloodier confrontation was imminent, so they arrived to join forces with the Union soldiers of the fort. Quickly the men were assembled and ordered into battle, the units of troopers following the Chivington irregulars to where the main section of Texan troops were assembled, Glorietta Pass.<\/p>\n

Under the cover of darkness the Union army arrived, digging in quickly half a mile away from the Confederate army, the two forces of artillery and riflemen eyeing each other as the sun slowly arose in the cold of the early New Mexico morning.<\/p>\n

Two troops of Union cavalry sat on their horses, either side of the long line of riflemen, and as dawn finally broke, the bugle sounded charge, and the battle began. It was in truth a hopeless frontal assault, but it was a tactic used in years gone by, and still put into futile practice. The horses jumped forward, Joe amongst them, as they rode toward and then through the enemy lines, galloping in a huge circle to the rear of the enemy and reemerged down the opposite side and returning to the Union position.<\/p>\n

It was a bloody, fierce and confusing confrontation as Joe and his fellow troopers charged into the midst of Confederate troops, bayonets drawn, bullets flying in every direction. Exposed to gun fire from the offset, the carnage was predictable and inevitable as the melee of men and horseflesh crashed through the defenses, Union horses killed and their riders butchered where they fell.<\/p>\n

Joe weaved his horse into the thick of the mayhem, pulling out his gun and shooting as he galloped on, turning in a long circle behind and making his way back towards the comparative safety of his own artillery. To his left, he suddenly saw Sergeant Miller fall to the floor, his horse shot from under him. As Miller stood, shooting anything in grey that moved, Joe pulled his horse around, returning to the Sergeant and grabbing Miller by the shirt, the Sergeant pulled up behind Joe as he kicked his horse on and back to the Union line and safety.<\/p>\n

The whole operation had taken barely 5 minutes from start to finish, and as Joe pulled up Miller slid down and gave him a grateful look of thanks, and the two men took hold of their rifles and made their way to the front line, lying on the dirt ground their firearms at the ready.<\/p>\n

Then a new onslaught began between the two opposing forces, as rifle and artillery fire was exchanged between the two camps. And so it continued, hour after hour, until darkness drew in, and an uneasy silence suddenly swept down over the corpse strewn battle field. The first day of fighting proved bloody and inconclusive, as did the days that followed, the resulting stalemate causing untold misery, and the cost to human life immense.<\/p>\n

Wishing to end the bloody conflict, a small number of Chivington\u2019s irregulars were sent to scale down the cliff behind the enemy and destroy the supply wagons of Sibley\u2019s Texas Brigade. It was a hazardous and dangerous task, but by dawn the supply wagons had been wired with explosives and blown up, leaving the Confederate Texans without food, ammunition and medical supplies. Knowing the battle was therefore lost, the Texan forces fell back and retreated, leaving the remaining Union force to return to Fort Union victorious.<\/p>\n

In later years this engagement would be known as the \u2018Gettysburg of the West\u2019, but to Joe and the surviving members of Fort Union is was just a bloody, savage and noisy carnage. Sergeant Miller stood with Joe as he steeled himself to view the casualties, his experienced eyes used to the sight of death over the years, though it still shocked and sickened him. As they viewed the bodies from both sides, the sight of the bullet riddled men and horses caused Joe to retch uncontrollably. Eventually he stopped and looked over at his Sergeant with tear filled eyes.<\/p>\n

\u201cMaybe I\u2019m not cut out for this life after all. So much death\u2026.was it necessary?\u201d he asked, the anguish in his voice clear.<\/p>\n

Miller shook his head sadly. \u201cThis is war Borden…war! It\u2019s what playing soldiers is all about!\u201d<\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

As the weeks went by the soldiers of Fort Union began to recover from the shock of the ordeal they had survived. The butchery and killing haunted Joe, giving him nightmares, but he accepted it was just part of a soldier\u2019s life as he wondered how many men he had killed, how close had he come to dying as he heard the whistle of bullets shooting around him during the battle. Talking with his comrades he realized he was not alone with his thoughts, all the men just grateful they had survived\u2026this time. With the threat of Confederate attack now long gone, Army life became boring and monotonous, and even Joe began to hanker occasionally for the challenge of battle again, if only to escape the mundane life they now led.<\/p>\n

As the month of June arrived, Joe was called over to talk with Sergeant Miller one morning and was greeted with a smile when the Sergeant placed something in his hand. Joe looked down, his eyes widening with surprise. \u201cWhat\u2019s this?\u201d he asked, bemused as he viewed the cloth in his hand. \u201cThose are your Corporal\u2019s stripes\u2026..Corporal!\u201d Miller said, grinning widely.<\/p>\n

\u201cCorporal? I\u2019ve been promoted?\u201d asked Joe, as a wide grin appeared on his face.
\nNodding, Miller slapped Joe on the back. \u201cCongratulations, you deserve it,\u201d he said honestly, proud and grateful of the young man who had proved his worth tenfold and saved his life. \u201cNow, go get them sewn on. I have a lot to organize and need you to help me\u2026our brigade has been posted away from here!\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe looked over in surprise. \u201cPosted? Where to?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSeems as the Confederate threat is now gone from these parts, we are being sent to Fort Laramie. Looks like your going home Borden\u2026back to Wyoming!\u201d<\/p>\n

A deep frown suddenly appeared on Joe\u2019s face. \u201cWyoming? Still can\u2019t remember anything about the place Sergeant.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, I looked up your records. Seems you came from a place a days ride from the fort. You could go meet your Pa\u2026maybe seeing him would jolt that memory of yours at long last?\u201d<\/p>\n

Shaking his head sadly, Joe bit his lip nervously. \u201cFrom what I was told, we didn\u2019t part on good terms. He probably won\u2019t want to see me again.\u201d<\/p>\n

Miller saw the forlorn look and rubbed his chin thoughtfully.<\/p>\n

\u201cOnce we get there and settle in, I\u2019ll arrange a pass for a couple of days with the Commanding Officer, and the pair of us will go and see your Pa. You want to do that?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI suppose so. You wouldn\u2019t mind tagging along\u2026just for my sake?\u201d asked Joe gratefully.<\/p>\n

\u201cI owe you my life\u2026Corporal. It\u2019s the least I can do.\u201d<\/p>\n

Taking a deep breath Joe nodded over. \u201cThanks Sergeant. It\u2019s going to be pretty nerve wracking, meeting him again, but I suppose I need to try anything if it means I might get my memory back.\u201d<\/p>\n

With a light step Joe returned to his barracks with the treasured stripes, gleefully sewing them on to the amusement of his fellow troopers. Joe Cartwright, ranchers son, oblivious to his true past, was now Corporal Angus Borden, well liked and trusted by all who knew him.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n
\n

Chapter 2:<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

<\/div>\n
\n

The journey from New Mexico to Wyoming was to pass uneventfully for the troops and wagons, as they headed towards Fort Laramie in late June. With the Confederate threat now dissipated somewhat in the west, they headed due north through Colorado, cutting weeks off their original journey south. Corporal Borden settled into his new role with ease, obeyed without question by the troops now under his command and trusted by those officers above him.<\/span><\/span>Arriving at their new home in early August, Joe viewed with interest the eastern Wyoming prairie that he had supposedly been raised on all those years ago, and the fort that was to be his home for the foreseeable future. It was a thriving and busy place, built near the North Platte and Laramie rivers, serving both as a station for the Overland Stage and a supply depot, but its main task was to protect the Oregon Trail from hostile bands of Sioux, Cheyenne and Arapaho Indians. Built in the heartland of these tribes, daily patrols were always on the look out for Indian war parties, constantly aware of the dangers they took each time they left the relative safety of the large open planned fortifications.True to his word, a few weeks after arriving, Sergeant Miller requested a two day pass for himself and Joe. The Commanding Officer who was well aware of the circumstances of Joe\u2019s desire to visit his home, willingly agreed. He knew Joe had worked hard and fought bravely and deserved the chance to regain the lost years of his life. After finding directions to his long forgotten home, Joe turned in one night, thinking of the father he was to meet the next day after so many years, hoping the visit would at last open a chink within his mind and allow him to remember something\u2026anything.The following morning as the sky began to lighten with fingers of gold, the Sergeant and Corporal cantered away from the fort, silence hanging between them as Joe was far too nervous to converse. Facing a brigade of Texan Confederates was nothing to the way he felt at that moment. He was scared, his mouth felt dry and his hands sweated as he held tightly onto the reins. Even the usual jovial Miller was filled with his own worried thoughts for the young man he had grown to respect and care for. A man he would have been proud to call his son.By late morning they had made their way to the small town of Torrington, and turning left on the outskirts, followed a muddy track for half an hour until smoke could be seen beyond a rise, curling into the blue sky. Suddenly as they rounded a bend they saw a two-roomed cabin in a dilapidated state of repair from years of neglect, set in a clearing and surrounded by cottonwood trees.<\/p>\n

To the side was a corral where one old and sorry looking horse stood by a half filled water trough, eyes closed, swishing its tail in a vain effort to chase away the hoard of flies that settled on its back. Beyond stood a hay barn looking in a worse state of repair than the house, used for the few cattle kept on the small ranch. Joe studied the homestead carefully, willing himself to remember and recall anything, but to no avail. Nothing was familiar and there was no miracle jolt for his memory.<\/p>\n

As they reigned up their horses a man in his late fifties slowly shuffled through the barn\u2019s half hinged door, eyeing them with suspicion. \u201cYeh? What you two soldiers want?\u201d he called over in a gruff and unfriendly voice, parting a dozen chickens as he walked towards them. Joe tensed and chewed at his bottom lip nervously as he watched the old man. Was this his father?<\/p>\n

\u201cMr. Frank Borden?\u201d asked Sergeant Miller. The man nodded, \u201cWhat\u2019s it to you?\u201d he replied giving them an icy stare. He was a big built man with a thick bull neck, his face bronzed and weathered by years of sun and wind with a stubble of beard.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ve brought someone to see you,\u201d Miller responded quickly with a smile that never quite reached his eyes.<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd who would that be?\u201d asked Borden, frowning as he looked up at the two men. Joe slowly dismounted and turned to face him, removing his hat and holding it nervously in front of him. Borden looked at him, his eyes widening in astonishment.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat the\u2026\u201d he said, his jaw sagging open as he walked up to Joe, staring deeply into his face. \u201cYou still know me then?\u201d asked Joe nervously as Sergeant Miller dismounted and stood behind him, carefully watching the exchange between father and son.<\/p>\n

\u201cSeems I ought to know you\u2026..\u201d he began, a faint smile tugging at his mouth.<\/p>\n

\u201cI should explain, Mr. Borden,\u201d said Miller. \u201cAngus lost his memory last year. He doesn\u2019t remember anything about you or his past. I hope you will forgive him if he doesn\u2019t appear to greet you like you was his kin?\u201d<\/p>\n

Continuing to stare intently at Joe for a minute the man seemed to stiffen as thoughts flooded back of a child he once loved. Then suddenly the memories became painful and his smile disappeared as he stepped back and shrugged his massive shoulders then shook his head resolutely from side to side.<\/p>\n

\u201cWell young man, you certainly looks like my Angus, even down to those deep green eyes\u2026just like those of my late wife. But I can assure you\u2026you\u2019re not my boy.\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe gasped! This conversation was not going well. \u201cPlease\u2026Pa! Give me a chance!\u201d he begged, giving a sideways glance towards Miller for support.<\/p>\n

Noticing the anxious look thrown his way Miller turned on the older man. \u201cI realize you had a big fall out, but surely you can acknowledge him as your only son? Just talk to him for a while?\u201d he pressed.<\/p>\n

\u201cThere isn\u2019t any point!\u201d snapped Borden. \u201cHe\u2019s no son of mine!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBut I am!\u201d cried Joe. \u201cWhat makes you think I\u2019m not your son?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBecause my Angus is laid in there right now\u2026dying! That\u2019s why!\u201d he sneered, glancing toward the cabin.<\/p>\n

Joe and Miller stared at each other, confusion and shock showing on their faces.<\/p>\n

\u201cDon\u2019t you believe me then?\u201d Borden snapped. \u201cWant to see for yourself?\u201d Joe nodded, banging his hat firmly down on his head, and the older man turned heel towards his home, the two soldiers following behind cautiously, both overwhelmed by the turn of events.<\/p>\n

Once inside the gloomy cabin a figure could be seen with a bottle held tightly in his hand, lying on a bed with a single, thin and filthy blanket pulled up around his body. His eyes were closed but at the sound of footsteps he looked over with a glassy stare and studied the two uniformed figures, enlightenment suddenly dawning as he viewed the first face that came into view.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhy if it isn\u2019t good old Sergeant Miller! You making house calls now?\u201d asked the young man in a slur, his breath reeking of stale liquor. Miller noticeably froze, not quite believing what he saw. \u201cBorden?\u201d he cried incredulously, as a near mirror image of his corporal looked up at him. \u201cThat\u2019s my name Sergeant! What a good memory you\u2019ve got! I should thank you for sending me on my last hunting trip. Gave me the chance I needed to get away from all those orders thrown my way every day!\u201d<\/p>\n

The sarcastic tone of his voice did not go unnoticed as Angus took a long swig of whisky, his hand shaking violently as he downed a gulp. Frank Borden slumped down on a well worn armchair and poured himself a drink of lukewarm coffee from a pot sat on a small stove in the corner, watching the proceedings through disinterested, narrowed eyes.<\/p>\n

Angus looked behind Miller and noticing Joe let out a yell of surprise. \u201cWell! If it isn\u2019t my doppelganger! Thought I\u2019d finished you off last year! Don\u2019t tell me you\u2019re still in the Army?\u201d He roared with laugher, the irony of the situation apparent to his peculiar sense of humor but then he began to cough, blood and sputum forced into a dirty cloth he held up to his mouth.<\/p>\n

Joe stared at the man, equally shocked and astounded at the uncanny similarities between them, once just like two peas in a pod! But the man lying in front of him now was pale and thin faced, sweat matted his dark curly hair, and his once strong muscled arms lay weak within his torn, vomit covered shirt. Angus Borden was a man dying of tuberculoses, his disease clearly evident to both Joe and Miller, but his condition failed to arise any feeling of pity as Joe looked down at him in disgust.<\/p>\n

\u201cSo it wasn\u2019t my horse that kicked me after all? You knocked me out and changed clothes and places with me!\u201d he snarled. \u201cBut why?\u201d<\/p>\n

As his coughing subsided Angus gave a knowing smile. \u201cI could see how alike we were… saw this god-sent opportunity to get away from the Army without having to look back over my shoulder for ever more\u2026.and I took it! Just a shame I didn\u2019t make sure you was dead before I left you!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhy you\u2026\u201d Joe breathed deeply, his whole body shaking with anger. \u201cBecause of you I\u2019ve spent more than a year with your name, living your life! You deserve a firing squad for what you\u2019ve done!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cToo late!\u201d said Angus as he brought the bottle back up to his lips. \u201cI\u2019m already dead!\u201d Finishing the last of the whisky the now empty bottle fell from his hand onto the floor, rolling under the wooden frame of the cot.<\/p>\n

Angus continued to stare with fascination at the man who resembled him so closely, noticing the stripes on Joe\u2019s arm. \u201cLooks like Army life suits you!\u201d he said, a sneer appearing on his gaunt face. \u201cYou could say I did you a favor by giving you a new career!\u201d<\/p>\n

This statement proved the last straw for Joe and he lurched forward in a single blurred motion, grabbing Angus by the shirt and pushing the muzzle of his gun against his throat.<\/p>\n

\u201cI should kill you here and now Borden!\u201d he said, his finger tightening on the trigger as the two men held each other\u2019s gaze, inches apart. Angus stared at his double, his once sparkling green eyes now dull and red rimmed.<\/p>\n

\u201cFor God\u2019s sake please do,\u201d he pleaded in a whisper. \u201cPut me out of my misery!\u201d<\/p>\n

Miller walked over and gripped Joe\u2019s shoulder, his fingers tightening in a friendly squeeze. \u201cPut your gun away Corporal\u2026.don\u2019t want to make a murderer of you!\u201d Something in the strong tone of the Sergeant\u2019s voice tore at Joe\u2019s memory and he instantly obeyed, pushing Borden down on the bed as he replaced his gun in its holster.<\/p>\n

\u201cReckon that would have been too easy for you anyway,\u201d Joe said as he stood up and backed away. \u201cA lingering death is what you deserve!\u201d Angus stared up in silence, his pallor turning pale as he started to cough again.<\/p>\n

With a last look of contempt at the dying man on the bed, Joe stormed out of the cabin and stood by his horse, his eyes filling with tears. For more than a year he had been known as and answered to the name Borden. He had fought, killed and had nearly died as Angus Borden. Now the truth was out\u2026but who the hell was he? Banging his hand onto the saddle in frustration he rested his head on his horses\u2019 neck, once again fearful of the unknown.<\/p>\n

As soon as Joe had left the cabin, Sergeant Miller turned to the stooped figure sitting silently in the far corner, the now empty coffee cup resting in a dirt covered and callused hand.<\/p>\n

\u201cHow long has your son got?\u201d he asked Frank Borden, as the sound of coughing subsided and the figure on the bed lay back exhausted.<\/p>\n

\u201cOnly got days from what the doctor told me. So much for making a new life for himself and never wanting to see me again!\u201d he answered bitterly, looking over to his son, the whisky now helping him to drift in and out of consciousness, away from his pain filled existence.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhy did he come back here?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHe\u2019s like a fatally wounded animal returning to its lair. That\u2019s Angus\u2026.come home to die. I took him in\u2026for his dead mother\u2019s sake, not for mine.\u201d<\/p>\n

Minutes past but no-one joined Joe from the cabin as he slowly composed himself and tried to make sense of his situation. Taking a drink from his canteen he swilled out the taste of impending death from his mouth then spit out the water onto the dirt ground. Now anxious to leave this god-forsaken place he paced up and down, not willing to venture inside the cabin again as he awaited the Sergeant to emerge.<\/p>\n

Finally the door opened and Miller came into view standing silently for a moment as his eyes adjusted to the bright sunlight, a bundle held tightly under his arm. Sighing deeply he walked over to Joe.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat we going to do about him?\u201d asked Joe, nodding towards the cabin. \u201cHe should be tried for attempted murder and desertion!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI would normally agree Corporal\u2026but its too late now. He\u2019s dead!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cDead?\u201d repeated Joe incredulously. Miller nodded and pursed his lips. \u201cDied in his father\u2019s arms. Guess father and son were reunited at the end, after all.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWell I for one am glad he\u2019s gone!\u201d cried Joe without pity. \u201cThe real Angus Borden is now officially dead\u2026but where does that leave me? What you going to call me now Sergeant?\u201d he asked coolly and sarcastically, looking directly at his companion.<\/p>\n

The Sergeant considered his Corporal for a moment, removing his hat and wiping his arm across his sweat covered hair. \u201cI reckon I call you Joe Cartwright!\u201d he said finally, returning his stetson onto his head.<\/p>\n

Joe narrowed his eyes, questioning his statement. \u201cWhat?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBorden told us your name before he died. Said you introduced yourself just before he knocked you out. Your name is Joe Cartwright.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhy would he tell you that? What\u2019s to say he wasn\u2019t lying?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhy should he? He had nothing to lose! Maybe it was his need for absolution\u2026who knows? But he admitted knocking you out, changing clothes, and then taking your wagon and leaving you for dead. He knew no one would tell the difference between the pair of you and they\u2019d assume it was his body. If he had killed you, I guess his plan would of worked\u2026.but he didn\u2019t count on a thick sculled young man who survived and never gives up!\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe saw the shadow of a smile on the old Sergeant\u2019s face as Miller passed over the sack covered bundle, Joe taking it with a questioning look.<\/p>\n

\u201cHe asked me to give this to you. It was yours apparently.\u201d<\/p>\n

With the sack thrown to the floor, Joe stroked the beautiful pearl handle of a Colt .45 and Miller looked closely at the expensive leather holster.<\/p>\n

\u201cThis is a great looking firearm. And its for a left hander!\u201d Miller added with delight. \u201cSeems you were right all along\u2026.you are naturally left handed!\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe shrugged but made no reply as he removed his Army issue firearm and placed the newly acquired holster around his left hip, drawing the gun in and out with natural ease using his left hand.<\/p>\n

\u201cSo that\u2019s another mystery solved,\u201d he said, swallowing hard as he placed the now redundant Army gun and holster into his saddle bag. He looked back towards the miserable cabin and sighed deeply, inwardly relieved beyond measure this near ruin held no ties on him. \u201cHell of a place to die,\u201d he said quietly vaulting up onto his horse with well practiced ease.<\/p>\n

Miller nodded, taking hold of his horse and hauling himself onto his saddle, equally glad to be leaving and intrigued by the turn of events.<\/p>\n

\u201cSo, my name is Joe Cartwright\u2026just need to work out where I came from,\u201d said Joe morosely as they two men moved off. \u201cWell I can tell you that,\u201d replied Miller as a faint smile again tugged at his lips. Joe glanced over quickly. \u201cWhat do you mean?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou come from a spread down by Virginia City, Nevada, by the name of The Ponderosa!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThe Ponderosa?\u201d Joe exclaimed, raising his eyebrows in disbelief. \u201cHow do you know that?\u201d he asked as they kicked their horses into a gentle canter.<\/p>\n

\u201cBecause I met your brother there last year when I was looking for a suitable campsite. It was on the Ponderosa you were brought back to the hospital wagon.\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe\u2019s eyes widened, \u201cI have a brother? What\u2019s his name? What\u2019s he like?\u201d the excitement in his voice now noticeably growing. Miller thought back for a moment.
\n\u201cWell, he was a big man, nothing like you that\u2019s for sure! Wore this huge hat! Seem to recall he was called Hoss.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHoss? What kind of a name is that?\u201d asked Joe questioningly.<\/p>\n

\u201cYeh, strange name,\u201d replied Miller chuckling. \u201cBut one thing I remember clear was his nature\u2026he was a kind and caring man. That I recognized straight away. He was most concerned our stock would have sufficient grazing and water, and he made sure we were on one of the Ponderosa\u2019s most fertile meadows. Yes, he was a good man. He also mentioned his father\u2026your father\u2026and his two brothers.\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe stared over in surprise. Two brothers and a father\u2026his true father! Maybe a mother who still waited and hoped to see her son again. Minutes past in silence as the two men rode on, a deep and thoughtful expression covering Joe\u2019s face as placed his left hand on the newly acquired gun resting on his hip.<\/p>\n

Gently slowing his horse, Miller looked over at his companion and saw the turmoil of emotions flowing over Joe\u2019s face.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou know Corporal\u2026.Joe, I am well within my rights to shoot you down!\u201d he said in all seriousness as Joe reined in and their two horses walked side by side.<\/p>\n

Joe looked over mystified, \u201cWhat do you mean?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, the way I see it, being as your not Angus Borden, you have never actually sworn your allegiance to the Army and are therefore, technically, still a civilian. The fact you are wearing a uniform of the Union could deem you a Confederate spy!\u201d The Sergeant\u2019s dark look suddenly changed to a mischievous grin. \u201cI\u2019m joking!\u201d he cried as he began to laugh, eager to lighten the mood of the journey.<\/p>\n

However Joe just threw him a look of disdain and shook his head, unwilling to share the joke, and unable to shift the growing cloud of despair he felt. An uncomfortable silence hung between them for a few minutes more, when the Sergeant finally grabbed hold of Joe\u2019s reins, pulling both their horses to a halt and stared over.<\/p>\n

\u201cCorporal what the hell is wrong with you? I would of thought knowing who you really are and where you came from would be enough to set you singing and grinning from ear to ear. Yet all I see is a face full of misery. What\u2019s bugging you?\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe was silent for a minute as his eyes studied the flat prarieland around him. Finally he shrugged. \u201cI guess you said it there\u2026Corporal! I have probably been born and raised on a ranch\u2026never thinking of leaving it to join the Army. Now I have the chance to return to where I belong\u2026.but I don\u2019t know if that\u2019s what I want to do anymore.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat you getting at?\u201d Miller asked bluntly. \u201cDon\u2019t you want to go back to the Ponderosa? Aren\u2019t you curious to know what you left behind\u2026who you left behind? Meeting your family may be the only way you get that memory of yours back!\u201d<\/p>\n

Once more there was silence for a moment as Joe pursed his lips and uncertainty crept into his eyes.<\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t know! It took weeks to get up enough courage to meet Borden, and look where that got me! And now I have to go through it all again with my real family. Maybe I never got on with my brothers….hated my life there. I\u2019m beginning to think getting my memory back just isn\u2019t as important as I thought it would be.\u201d<\/p>\n

He hesitated for a moment and tightened his lips. \u201cAt least Angus was right with what he said\u2026.I\u2019ve got a career in the Army, and I\u2019m good at it\u2026you\u2019ve said that yourself, more than once! I\u2019m with others who have gone through the same experiences, realize why sometimes you don\u2019t want company, other times when you crave it. All my memories revolve around the past year and the Army life I\u2019ve come to love and it would be so easy to just forget all about this Ponderosa\u2026after all, if I hadn\u2019t come here today, I would never of known of its existence!\u201d<\/p>\n

The Sergeant pondered for a few moments as he digested all Joe had said, for he had grown to like and respect this young man over the past months and was eager to offer the best advice possible for his future\u2019s sake.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019ve come a long way since I first met you in that hospital wagon,\u201d Miller remarked finally. \u201cI think I have got to know you pretty well and one thing has always struck me\u2026. you never take the easy option and you\u2019re no quitter. I know it would be so easy for you to take the simple path and turn your back on what you don\u2019t remember. I also can\u2019t deny you are a natural for the Army\u2026even heard on the grapevine your name has been put forward for a commission!\u201d<\/p>\n

There was a gasp of surprise as Joe took in the news. \u201cA commission? Me go to West Point?\u201d he cried, shaking his head in disbelief. Miller nodded. \u201cThe way this war is going they\u2019re crying out for new officer material for the Union back east. And I would be the first to recommend you.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSo you think I should stay in the Army?\u201d Joe asked, looking intently at his companion.<\/p>\n

Miller shook his head. \u201cBefore today, thinking you were Borden, I would of said yes in an instant, but now I\u2019m not so convinced. Sure you aren\u2019t forced to recall anything from the years gone bye, and its going to be difficult and hard for you to meet kin you don\u2019t remember. But your Pa and brothers deserve the chance to see you again if only to let them know you are alive and nothing else. I bet they\u2019ve been frantic with worry since you disappeared!\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe chewed at his under lip as he thought hard and eventually gave a deep sigh. \u201cI know you\u2019re right. Guess I\u2019ve been selfish, just thinking of myself, \u201d he responded with sincerity. \u201cAnd I appreciate everything you\u2019ve said. Of course I need to meet my family again, see what kind of life I left behind. Just let me talk it over with the Colonel first, see what he advises\u2026Okay?\u201d<\/p>\n

Reaching over Miller took Joe\u2019s outstretched hand and shook it firmly. \u201cOkay!\u201d<\/p>\n

As they kicked their horses on to a steady walk Joe suddenly began to chuckle as a thought struck him. \u201cWhat\u2019s so funny?\u201d Miller asked, smiling back at his companion, relieved to see the young man in a more relaxed frame of mind.<\/p>\n

\u201cMe? A confederate spy? Could you really imagine me as a Confederate?\u201d he spluttered, blissfully unaware of the irony in his statement as he chortled loudly, kicking his horse into a canter.<\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

Adam swung the buggy into the yard and pulled the single horse to a stop, dismounting as Hoss walked out of the barn, his chores completed.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou get Pa on the stage okay Adam?\u201d he called over as Adam brushed the dust from his clothing. \u201cSure did, but I had to practically push him on and tie him down. He still didn\u2019t want to go.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI suppose we can\u2019t blame him. So many bad memories from this time last year.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThere\u2019s bad memories whether he went or not,\u201d answered Adam coolly. \u201cIt\u2019s about time he realized Joe is not coming back and there is still a ranch to run. The timber conference is an important meeting and we can\u2019t afford him not attending.\u201d<\/p>\n

The resentful tone in Adam\u2019s voice did not go unnoticed by Hoss who viewed his brother with concern.<\/p>\n

\u201cDon\u2019t you think its time you stopped being so angry brother?\u201d he asked. \u201cI know Joe leaving the way he did hurt you\u2026hurt us all\u2026but you said it yourself\u2026life goes on!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHurt! Hurt! That don\u2019t begin to describe the feelings Hoss and you know it!\u201d Adam yelled back. \u201cYou saw what it did to Pa! Nearly sent him to an early grave\u2026the shock of Joe leaving the way he did\u2026and then to have no word from him! But do you know what makes it worse Hoss?\u201d Adam asked, trying hard to keep his emotions under control as he faced his brother.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s the look Pa gives me sometimes, and I know what he\u2019s thinking. Did I push Joe too far and force his hand to leave? Even though I told him we\u2019d got on better than ever before, there is still an element of doubt in his eyes, not quite believing me. That\u2019s what hurts\u2026really hurts! I tell you Hoss, if I meet Joe again, even though he is my brother, I would never want anything to do with him. He doesn\u2019t deserve any favors from us, ever again!\u201d<\/p>\n

Hoss sighed deeply, knowing the pain his brother felt, also feeling sick to the stomach at the way Joe had treated them, but unwilling and unable to stop loving his little brother and hoping one day he would return.<\/p>\n

His temper subsiding and regretting his aggressive outburst, Adam put his arm around his brother\u2019s shoulders affectionately. \u201cSorry! Shouldn\u2019t take it out on you,\u201d he said apologetically. \u201cHow about a drink?\u201d Hoss nodded and the two brothers went indoors, Adam disappearing into the kitchen then bringing out two freshly made cups of coffee and passing one over to his brother.<\/p>\n

Suddenly he put his hand in his pocket. \u201cHere\u2019s a surprise\u2026got a letter for you Hoss,\u201d he said, passing over an envelope. \u201cLetter? For me? Who on earth would write to me?\u201d asked Hoss, staring at it for a minute or more as he turned it over and over in his hand. Adam watched impatiently, equally perplexed. \u201cBrother, you going to open it before Christmas?\u201d he asked sarcastically.<\/p>\n

\u201cOh, very funny!\u201d Hoss replied, as he tore open the envelope and unfolded the two pieces of paper inside. \u201cWho is it from?\u201d asked Adam inquisitively, peering over towards his brother. Hoss looked closely. \u201cSergeant Miller?…Ah yes, I remember, met him last year. Wonder what he wants?\u201d<\/p>\n

Slowly Hoss began to read, and as Adam watched he suddenly saw his brother\u2019s jaw drop and his eyes widen. \u201cWhat\u2019s wrong?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cDoes this mean what I think it means?\u201d asked Hoss nervously at last, as he passed over the letter.<\/p>\n

Quickly Adam scanned through the hand written correspondence, his eyes absorbing each sentence in absolute amazement. He looked over at his brother who had tears in his eyes. \u201cYou reckon it\u2019s true then Adam?\u201d he asked, \u201cJoe losing his memory and having a double? Is that possible?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cCan\u2019t see why Miller would lie Hoss. It\u2019s just so unbelievable!\u201d Adam reread the letter again, absorbing all the information told with such precise detail by the Army Sergeant.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou know what this means, don\u2019t you?\u201d he said finally. Still shocked Hoss shook his head. \u201cWhen we trailed the wagon to the relay station, we weren\u2019t following Joe! It was this Angus Borden!\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam slumped back in his chair, the letter hanging loosely in his fingers. Feelings of anger built up over the past year against his brother quickly ebbed away, replaced by a deep feeling of guilt\u2026guilt that he had thought Joe capable of treating his family in such a vindictive way. Minutes past, their coffee growing cold as Hoss read the letter again and Adam sat in thoughtful silence, mulling over its contents.<\/p>\n

\u201cAccording to Miller, Joe doesn\u2019t know he was writing this letter and was planning to travel over on the Overland Stage on the 16th arriving in Virginia City on the 20th. When\u2019s the 20th Adam?\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam looked blankly for a moment, then sat up with a start. \u201cTomorrow! Joe is coming home tomorrow!\u201d<\/p>\n

Wiping the tears from his eyes Hoss let out an almighty yell, jumping up in excitement. Hop Sing darted in from the kitchen, startled by the sudden noise. As Hoss noticed their long time housekeeper he raced over and lifted him up, dancing around in a jig. \u201cMister Hoss, Mister Hoss\u2026.what you do this for?\u201d cried the little Chinaman as Hoss continued to whoop and holler around the room, Adam watching him with a huge grin on his face. \u201cLittle Joe is coming home Hop Sing!\u201d yelled Hoss. \u201cNumber 3 son is coming home!\u201d<\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

The next day could not arrive quick enough as Adam and Hoss left the ranch in good time to meet the incoming mid afternoon stage, wondering how to contact their father with the news, but realizing it would be a futile effort. By the time Ben received their wire he would be about to return anyway, so the joint decision was made to just wait until he returned before dropping the bombshell!<\/p>\n

They arrived in Virginia City, Hoss leading Joe\u2019s old horse Cochise by a leading rein and pulling in by the side of the stage office, both brothers sitting on a bench by the door. The minutes ticked by as they sat in nervous silence, watching continually down the street for the familiar cloud of dust that indicated the arrival of the Overland Stage. Adam tapped his foot continually on the wooden sidewalk while Hoss clapped his fingers together in front of him, neither men able to make conversation because of the dryness in their throats as they recalled the words in Sergeant Miller\u2019s letter. He doesn\u2019t remember The Ponderosa\u2026his father\u2026his brothers!<\/p>\n

Suddenly, away in the distance came the sound they waited for, horses galloping in unison and the sight of a stage, bouncing behind the team of six that eventually were pulled to a standstill, feet away from Adam and Hoss. The door opened and a portly gentleman alighted, offering his hand to an elderly lady, the pair of them walking away together after their bags were dropped down from the roof of the stage.<\/p>\n

For a moment Adam and Hoss thought they had made a mistake on the date of arrival as there was no further movement, but then the coach shifted slightly and another passenger jumped down onto the sidewalk. Retrieving a small bag thrown down by his feet Joe turned in full view of his two brothers. Not expecting to see him in uniform the sight startled them both momentarily as the Union Cavalry Corporal looked around him, banging his Army hat on his head in his old familiar way.<\/p>\n

Little Joe! Their youngest brother stood in front of them, alive and well, his green eyes sparkling as before, but with absolutely no idea who they were! The mischievous and happy-go-lucky cowboy was now replaced by a responsible and experienced soldier, able to command and take orders without a second thought. The Army uniform fitted him well, and he looked totally at ease in the distinctive blue of the Union, his yellow necktie standing out on his sun burnt neck, the Corporal\u2019s stripes clearly visible on each arm. His face was tanned and weathered, his body more muscular, and his hair slightly curled on his collar. They could see he was like a little boy lost, the once familiar sights and sounds of Virginia City leaving him with no sense of where to go or what to do next. But this was no little boy anymore. Little Joe had now grown up.<\/p>\n

Joe noticed two men staring at him out of the corner of his eye, but thought they were just noting his Union uniform, forever a reminder of the Civil War still raging many miles away.<\/p>\n

Beginning to move in the opposite direction he suddenly stopped in his tracks, the hairs on the back of his neck bristling as a gentle voice called out. \u201cJoe?\u201d Turning he stared towards a big man with a round kindly face, wearing a large hat and whose eyes were moist with tears. Gulping nervously, feeling slightly awkward, he walked forward, nodding at the figure in front of him as he put his small bag on the floor.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m guessing you\u2019re Hoss? Brother Hoss?\u201d<\/p>\n

Without another word Hoss put his arms around Joe and hugged him tightly, Joe\u2019s own eyes moistening as he felt the strong yet gentle hands stroking him on the back.
\n\u201cWe\u2019ve missed you little brother, lord knows how we\u2019ve missed you,\u201d a voice kept repeating in his ear, between deep gushing sobs.<\/p>\n

Joe instinctively felt he was with someone who loved him deeply, his reassuring touch comforting him beyond words. Miller had been right. He had been missed. Slowly he pulled back from the safe haven of his big brother\u2019s arms, a slight smile evident on his face.<\/p>\n

\u201cDid my Sergeant tell you I was coming?\u201d Hoss nodded, unembarrassed by the tears that flowed down his cheeks. \u201cHe\u2019s wrote and told us everything! Don\u2019t mind do you?\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe shook his head, inwardly relieved and grateful.<\/p>\n

Anxiously, Joe turned to the second man, tall, with piercing brown eyes and a black Stetson covering his dark hair, totally different in appearance to Hoss. They stared at each other for a moment, Joe nervously biting the bottom of his lip, instinctively wary of the serious looking man in front of him. \u201cAre you my brother?\u201d he asked finally, unsure and uncertain of the reception he was about to receive.<\/p>\n

The stranger smiled softly, his eyes suddenly lighting up. \u201cYes Joe\u2026I\u2019m Adam.\u201d<\/p>\n

Stepping forward and cupping his right hand around Joe\u2019s neck, Adam pulled him close, oblivious to the stares passed their way by the local townsfolk. Joe sunk his head into Adam\u2019s shoulder, basking in his warmth and love. He could feel his unfounded fears of brotherly animosity slip away as they re-established their brotherly bond and for what seemed an age they clung together, eldest and youngest, together once more.<\/p>\n

Eventually pulling apart, Joe stood back, looking fixedly at his brother\u2019s faces as he attempted to recall them, but without success. Noticing his disappointment, not recognition, Hoss placed his arm around Joe\u2019s shoulders sympathetically, \u201cYou really don\u2019t remember us do you?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI was hoping for a miracle, thought the sight of you both would clear my amnesia instantly,\u201d he said sadly. \u201cI guess it\u2019s going to take longer than I expected, if at all!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWell don\u2019t you worry little brother. You\u2019re home now\u2026that\u2019s all that matters.\u201d Joe bit his lip as a frown passed across his face, the expression not lost on Adam who raised a thoughtful eyebrow. \u201cSomething wrong Joe?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWell..erm..no! Just wondered\u2026my father..our Pa. Is he here to meet me?\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam shook his head sorrowfully. \u201cI\u2019m sorry Joe. Pa went to Sacramento yesterday for five days and has no idea you\u2019re here.\u201d Joe nodded, visibly disappointed. \u201cYour\u2026my Pa, he will want to see me won\u2019t he?\u201d Adam looked at him questioningly. \u201cOf course! Why wouldn\u2019t he?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOh, just wondered\u2026it\u2019s difficult\u2026when you don\u2019t remember.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHe loves you Joe, more than you can imagine,\u201d responded Adam.<\/p>\n

As a fleeting smile raced across Joe\u2019s mouth, two young cowboys suddenly let out a yell as they recognized the figure in front of them.<\/p>\n

\u201cJoe! Joe Cartwright! You\u2019re back after all this time! Good to see you Joe!\u201d<\/p>\n

Turning round Joe studied the two men facing him. He nodded, \u201cWell I\u2019m back, but have no idea who you are!\u201d he said apologetically.<\/p>\n

\u201cSeth and Dave, Joe. You went to school together,\u201d Adam explained. \u201cJoe has amnesia boys. Not long found out about us, and doesn\u2019t remember anything before last year.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHe doesn\u2019t know anyone?\u201d Seth echoed incredulously. \u201cThat\u2019s pretty tough Joe. We\u2019ll have to get together sometime at the Silver Dollar and tell you about old times.\u201d Joe nodded a little warily. \u201cThanks. I\u2019d like that.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cLooks like you\u2019ve got a lot to tell us as well,\u201d added Dave. \u201cMust admit old friend, I never thought I\u2019d see the day you\u2019d be fighting as a Yankee!\u201d he admitted, laughing as he scanned the uniform, noticing the corporal\u2019s stripes. \u201cOur Virginia City southern sympathizer seems to have done very well considering he\u2019s changed sides!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat do you mean?\u201d Joe asked, frowning. Adam stepped in quickly. \u201cIt\u2019s a long story Joe, don\u2019t you worry yourself,\u201d he said, staring over at the two cowboys somberly. Noticing the dark looks passed their way by Adam, Seth and Dave gave a hurried farewell and departed, not wishing to incur the wrath of the eldest Cartwright who stared after them till they disappeared from view.<\/p>\n

Mystified and feeling a little uneasy, Joe began to realize there was a great deal to learn about his past. Seeing the confused look on his brother\u2019s face, Adam made a move and walked over to their horses, where Hoss threw Joe a huge grin as he handed over Cochises\u2019 reins.<\/p>\n

Joe studied the paint in horror. \u201cI\u2019ve had enough Indians trying to scalp me over the past year, I don\u2019t need reminding!\u201d he exploded. Suddenly he noticed Hoss\u2019 beaming smile fading away to be replaced by a hurt and startled frown. Joe bit his lip and sighed loudly, slowly realizing the truth.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m sorry! Guess the strain of it all is getting to me. This was my horse, wasn\u2019t it?\u201d he asked, gently stroking the warm muzzle. \u201cWhat\u2019s his name?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cCochise,\u201d replied Hoss, visibly shaken by Joe\u2019s outburst.<\/p>\n

\u201cWell Cochise, you glad to see me boy?\u201d he asked, as the horse pushed his face onto Joe\u2019s chest. \u201cLooks like you are!\u201d he chuckled quietly as he gave the horse a pat on the neck.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou ready to go Joe?\u201d asked Adam finally as he mounted his horse, Hoss following his lead, the two men looking down at their youngest sibling. \u201cGuess so,\u201d said Joe, vaulting onto his saddle, case in one hand, reins in the other. \u201cLead the way brother\u2026.take me home!\u201d<\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

The depth of Joe\u2019s amnesia was soon felt when they arrived back at the ranch. Adam and Hoss sat down as Joe viewed the large ground floor sitting room, looking about him in awe. Such a difference from the lowly shack in Wyoming.<\/p>\n

\u201cSome place!\u201d he murmured, removing his hat and walking around, studying closely the map of the Ponderosa hung behind a large desk. Then he looked at three silver framed photographs displayed in a line.<\/p>\n

\u201cWho is this?\u201d he called over to Hoss as he looked down at a smiling face. Hoss wandered over. \u201cThat\u2019s Adam\u2019s mother, Elizabeth,\u201d he answered, as his elder brother looked up from across the room.<\/p>\n

\u201cAdam\u2019s mother? Isn\u2019t she yours and mine then?\u201d Hoss shook his head and chuckled. \u201cSorry little brother, I guess we\u2019ve got a lot of things to get clear with you. We\u2019ve all got different mothers. Adam\u2019s Ma died in Boston when he was born.\u201d<\/p>\n

Hoss picked up a photograph of a fair haired woman and gave it a loving smile. \u201cThis is my Ma but she died on the journey west. Killed by Indians.\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe picked up the third frame, studying it intently. \u201cSo this must be my mother. She\u2019s dead as well, isn\u2019t she?\u201d he asked quietly. \u201cI did wonder if I had a mother waiting for me\u2026to come home.\u201d Hoss nodded. \u201cMarie died when you was five Joe.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBorden\u2019s mother died when he was five\u2026strange coincidence that don\u2019t you think?\u201d he said, giving his mother a final loving look then replacing the silver frame and following Hoss who returned to the settee.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat did Sergeant Miller tell you?\u201d he asked, sitting down unknowingly in his father\u2019s favorite large winged leather armchair. Reaching over Adam picked up an envelope from the top of the mantelpiece and handed it to his brother. There was a few minutes silence as Joe scanned through letter.<\/p>\n

\u201cHe didn\u2019t tell me he was writing this, but I\u2019m glad he did,\u201d Joe stated as he finished reading and folded the pages carefully. \u201cHe knew I was pretty nervous about meeting you after all this time.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSo everything he says about Borden is true?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYes Hoss, though I guess it\u2019s hard to believe. We looked so alike we could have been twins. I woke up not knowing who I was, so when I was told my name was Borden and I was in the Army, I just accepted it without a second thought.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIt must have been real strange Joe, doing things you\u2019d never done before?\u201d asked Adam.<\/p>\n

Joe nodded over, shrugging his shoulders. \u201cI just accepted what I was told and shown and followed any orders thrown my way. By the time we arrived in New Mexico I was doing the same as everyone else\u2026it just seemed to come naturally.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, all that Army life is behind you now Joe. I\u2019m looking forward to working with you again on the Ponderosa\u2026.just like old times,\u201d said Hoss, smiling happily over towards his little brother.<\/p>\n

Giving Hoss a sidelong look, but without answering, Joe picked up his small case and stood up, looking around the room. \u201cI could do with a wash Hoss. Don\u2019t suppose there\u2019s anything I can change into here is there? Been traveling light, as you can see,\u201d he responded, quickly changing the subject.<\/p>\n

\u201cSure Joe. Pa wouldn\u2019t let us touch a thing in your room. Everything is up there, as you left it,\u201d he stated, indicating towards the stairs.<\/p>\n

\u201cReally! Borden\u2019s father used to beat him regular from being a youngster until he eventually ran away from home. Hated his son so much he couldn\u2019t get rid of him quick enough!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWell that\u2019s something you haven\u2019t got in common with Borden! Sure when we were young we used to feel Pa\u2019s slipper on our backsides when we deserved it, you more than Adam and me put together, but that was all brother! It really broke his heart when you\u2026or should I say Borden ended up selling the wagon, saying he just wanted to go away forever. Hurt us all.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIt never occurred to me\u2026didn\u2019t really think I would have been missed so much.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWell you better believe it\u2026those first months were sheer hell, I can tell you!\u201d responded Hoss. \u201cAnyway, you go get changed, dinner should be ready in half an hour. I\u2019m sure looking forward to hearing about what you\u2019ve been doing for this past year.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOh, I haven\u2019t got much more to add from what Miller wrote you,\u201d answered Joe, walking to the bottom of the stairs, then turning towards his brothers. \u201cI don\u2019t seem to remember which is my room!\u201d he added with an embarrassed grin.<\/p>\n

\u201cSorry Joe\u2026it\u2019s the first door, on the left.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThanks Hoss, Adam\u2026for everything,\u201d he called over his shoulder as he walked upstairs, leaving his brothers alone for a few minutes to discuss Joe\u2019s plight.<\/p>\n

\u201cHe\u2019s looking good\u2026considering, don\u2019t you think Adam?\u201d Adam nodded, but remained silent and thoughtful.<\/p>\n

\u201cThere is so much he needs to be told\u2026I can\u2019t imagine what it feels like, not recognizing faces, places, anything,\u201d said Hoss slowly.<\/p>\n

\u201cNo, neither can I Hoss. It\u2019s going to take a while for him to adjust\u2026if that\u2019s what he wants.\u201d<\/p>\n

Hoss looked over, puzzled at his brother\u2019s statement. \u201cWhat do you mean?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOh, sorry Hoss. Just a feeling I\u2019ve got\u2026anyway, how about opening a bottle of Pa\u2019s best brandy\u2026to celebrate Joe\u2019s homecoming?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSounds good to me,\u201d smiled Hoss as Adam continued to sit and look thoughtfully up the stairs.<\/p>\n

Joe sat down on his bed, gazing around at the room, his room\u2026what a difference compared to the barracks at Fort Union and Laramie. The furniture was expensive and well built, the furnishings luxurious compared to what he had been used to, and another portrait of his mother, smiling happily, stood on his dresser. A painting of an Indian Chief stared down on him from the wall, and he involuntarily shuddered. There had been a couple of short skirmishes with the Indians, and both times he had been lucky, repelling the renegade raiders without losing a man on his patrol. Others had not been so fortunate as he recalled the sight of the dead troopers, his friends, laid out on the prairie floor as they awaited burial.<\/p>\n

He lay back on the bed, his arms folded under his head, thinking about Adam and Hoss. Meeting them had been more emotional than he ever expected, and he instinctively felt a deep rooted bond and affection for his two brothers. They obviously loved him and he could see they were caring and decent men, deserving more from him than he could give.
\nAnd what of his father? This man who apparently loved and willed him to return since the day he disappeared. Swinging his legs over the side of the bed Joe lowered his head into his hands. They all deserved to know the truth, but how could he tell them? With a deep sigh he stood up, found a clean shirt and pants and began to undress, his Army uniform hung back in the wardrobe neatly and with loving care. Taking another long and careful look at everything in his room he shook his head sadly.<\/p>\n

Adam and Hoss looked up towards Joe as he walked down the stairs, hardly believing they were looking at the brother last seen over a year ago.<\/p>\n

\u201cFeels strange being out of uniform again,\u201d Joe said, fingering his shirt as he sat down. \u201cI had a good look around my room, but nothing looks familiar I\u2019m afraid.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cEarly days Joe,\u201d smiled Hoss encouragingly.<\/p>\n

\u201cSmells good!\u201d said Joe, eyeing the steaks and potatoes being served by a slight figured Chinaman, who gave Joe a beaming smile. \u201cDidn\u2019t get to eat like this in the Army!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHop Sing glad to see Little Joe again. Need to fatten him up!\u201d said the cook before disappearing into the kitchen. Joe smiled, shaking his head slightly.<\/p>\n

\u201cLittle Joe? Is that what I\u2019m known as around here?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOh, not any more brother,\u201d answered Hoss with a chuckle. \u201cBut I don\u2019t think Hop Sing wants to admit you\u2019ve grown up some.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHop Sing? He has lived here a long time?\u201d<\/p>\n

Hoss nodded, \u201cSince you were a baby Joe. Took care of you a lot when your Ma died. He and you are real close.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBut not close enough for me to remember who his is,\u201d answered Joe, a bitter edge to his voice as he placed a piece of meat on his plate. Adam and Hoss glanced quickly at each other.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ll take you for a ride around the ranch tomorrow Joe,\u201d said Hoss cheerfully. \u201cMaybe that will help bring your memory back.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThanks Hoss, but if seeing you two and being in my old home hasn\u2019t helped I doubt a ride around the Ponderosa is going to change anything.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBut its worth a try Joe, and when Pa gets back this amnesia may well disappear once you meet him!\u201d stated Hoss optimistically.<\/p>\n

Joe shook his head and gave his brother a resigned look.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou really don\u2019t get it do you Hoss?\u201d he said quietly. \u201cMy memory of the two of you, this place and Pa has gone! I don\u2019t remember and never will remember you\u2026and that\u2019s the way it\u2019s going to be.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThen we\u2019ll just have to teach you what you\u2019ve forgotten, give you new memories. Given time it\u2019ll be as if you\u2019ve never been gone.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cMaybe,\u201d replied Joe reflectively, sighing deeply as he poured out a glass of water and took a sip. A thought then struck him and he looked over at Adam questioningly. \u201cTell me Adam? What did Dave mean in town today, about being a southern sympathizer?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOh nothing much Joe. You just used to feel inclined towards the South because your Mother came from New Orleans. That\u2019s all,\u201d he said, giving a quick smile, unwilling to elaborate more about their fierce altercation caused by Frederick Kyle that almost drove them apart all those months ago.<\/p>\n

\u201cShe was a Southerner? Killed me a few of them in New Mexico,\u201d he said in barely a whisper, painful memories flooding back. \u201cSuch a pity I can remember that so clearly but not my own family.\u201d Joe\u2019s eyes glazed over for a moment as he stared into the distance, oblivious to his brothers until he shook himself from his daydream and resumed his meal and family conversation.<\/p>\n

Retiring to the comfort of the chairs and settee in front of the fire, their meal finished, Ben Cartwright\u2019s best brandy was soon being enjoyed by his three sons as they sat together, Hoss and Adam telling Joe of some of his escapades over the years, and the last days before he disappeared.<\/p>\n

\u201cSo you really thought I had upped and left, just like that? You really thought I was capable of doing something so vindictive?\u201d asked Joe incredulously. Adam nodded truthfully. \u201cI\u2019m ashamed to say we did Joe\u2026there just didn\u2019t seem to be another explanation!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou must have both been real angry\u2026Pa too!\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam swallowed hard, as he reddened slightly with embarrassment. \u201cI\u2019m sorry Joe. Guess I was pretty mad\u2026madder than Hoss here, but Pa never stopped praying you would come back\u2026refused to accept what you\u2019d done.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cFrom what you\u2019ve told me I could be pretty wild at times. It\u2019s no wonder you thought what you did,\u201d he replied. Adam and Hoss threw each other a surprised glance which did not go unobserved by Joe.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat?\u201d he asked, slightly mystified. Adam smiled over gently. \u201cThere was a time you would have been at my throat in an instant, fists at the ready, for thinking what I did Joe. You had quite an explosive temper at times!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, maybe I\u2019ve had to grow up some over the past months Adam,\u201d answered Joe truthfully, throwing a generous grin over to his brother as he poured himself another glass of brandy. \u201cIts good to know Pa still had faith in me though, regardless.\u201d<\/p>\n

As the minutes passed and the liquor loosened his tongue, Joe regaled stories about Fort Union and Fort Laramie. His brothers listening in stunned silence as he told of his confrontation with rogue Indian raiding parties, and the battle at Glorietta Pass, hesitating as he described the mutilation and blood covered battle ground.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou don\u2019t need to tell us everything Joe,\u201d said Hoss, seeing the pain it obviously caused his brother to recall the horrors. \u201cThere\u2019s no rush to get it off your chest.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m afraid I haven\u2019t got time to wait Hoss,\u201d he responded grimly, drinking the brandy in his glass in a final gulp. \u201cWhat you getting at Joe?\u201d asked Adam quickly, studying his little brother as he noticed a strange look fleetingly pass over his face.<\/p>\n

Joe kept his eyes on the table in front of him for a moment, then looked up nervously catching his elder brother\u2019s concerned gaze. His eyes then shifted to Hoss and he gave his brother a grateful smile.<\/p>\n

\u201cI couldn\u2019t of asked for a warmer brotherly welcome home, and I\u2019m truly grateful. But it\u2019s only right you know the truth\u2026.I won\u2019t be staying on the Ponderosa\u2026.I\u2019ll be leaving in three weeks.\u201d<\/p>\n

Hoss stared open mouthed. \u201cNot staying? But you\u2019ve got to stay Joe! This is your home!\u201d he cried, looking towards his elder brother. \u201cTell him Adam, he belongs here!\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam looked thoughtfully for a moment then shook his head. \u201cI don\u2019t think Joe agrees Hoss, not any more,\u201d he muttered, realizing his initial instinct was proving correct. \u201cI have a feeling little brother here has decided on a new future.\u201d<\/p>\n

Hoss stared over at his elder brother in surprise as Adam sat back in his chair and smiled gently. \u201cCome on Joe..out with it. What\u2019s going on in that thick skulled head of yours?\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe sat back nervously. \u201cThis isn\u2019t easy for me to say Adam.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cJust try Joe,\u201d urged Adam, his usual poker face showing a genuine look of understanding and brotherly concern.<\/p>\n

Nodding over Joe took a deep breath. \u201cTruth is, I\u2019ve re-enlisted into the Army. My Commanding Officer has allowed me back here for a few weeks so I can see you again, and let you know I\u2019m okay.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBut why Joe?\u201d cried Hoss, openly distraught. \u201cWhy don\u2019t you want to stay with us anymore?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m sorry Hoss, but I just know this life on the ranch is not for me anymore. Without any memories of where I grew up, what I did, what I enjoyed, the Army is now the only way of life I know and I want to continue with it. Say you understand, please!\u201d<\/p>\n

With tears in his eyes Hoss shook his head unhappily. \u201cI don\u2019t understand Joe\u2026you loved the ranch so much! What makes you want to be a soldier and run the risk of getting yourself killed?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s hard to explain I know. Maybe it was always my dream to join the military. Can\u2019t you accept that Hoss, knowing it makes me happy.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ve always wanted you to be happy little brother, but I\u2019ve got to admit I don\u2019t like this, not one bit. You\u2019re bound to get caught up in this bitter civil war, and there\u2019s just no need! You belong here\u2026not half way across the country, fighting!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBut Hoss, someone has got to stand up and fight for what\u2019s right! Surely you can see that? And I just feel having a career in the Army is the right thing for me to do.\u201d<\/p>\n

Hoss shook his head, and gave a resigned sigh. \u201cWell, I don\u2019t agree Joe, but I guess I\u2019ll have to get used to the idea, for your sake.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat about you Adam?\u201d Joe asked pensively, as his elder brother studied him thoughtfully. \u201cI understand Joe. We all have our dreams, need to make our own destiny. I can see your mind is set and there\u2019s no point trying to change it. You always were too damn stubborn for your own good. If you want a career in the military, away from the Ponderosa, I wish you well. What happens next? Back to Wyoming?\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe shook his head and managed a slight smile. \u201cNo. Said my goodbyes to Fort Laramie and Sergeant Miller for now. I\u2019ve been offered a commission so will be going to West Point next month.\u201d<\/p>\n

His eyes widening with surprise, Adam nodded over. \u201cI can see why you want to continue! My brother Joe an officer! Congratulations brother!\u201d he said, smiling proudly. Joe acknowledged his praise gratefully, but suddenly frowned,<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat about Pa?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cPa will be so happy to have you home, especially when he knows the whole story! And I daresay he will try his best to dissuade you, but he won\u2019t stop you\u2026.not if it\u2019s what you really want to do,\u201d answered Adam.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou sure? I don\u2019t want to hurt him, not after all that\u2019s happened. You said he suffered so much when you thought I\u2019d left.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThat was different Joe. Just going without warning or a goodbye\u2026that\u2019s what broke Pa\u2019s heart. He would never prevent us from following our dreams, even if it isn\u2019t the Ponderosa. He loves us too much to do that.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou really think he would accept me being in the military then? Knowing the risks and the life I would lead?\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam nodded. \u201cI\u2019m not saying he would like it, in fact he will be pretty upset for a while. But if that\u2019s what you really want to do, Pa would support you all the way. That\u2019s the kind of man he is.\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe visibly relaxed as he slumped back in his chair, and Adam looked over at Hoss who was sat quietly, still taking in his little brother\u2019s new plans.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou okay Hoss?\u201d asked Adam, his brother\u2019s tear filled eyes still staring towards Joe. Sniffing loudly Hoss gave a slight nod. \u201cI guess. Been a shock for me\u2026 just getting our little brother back and then losing him again. I just worry\u2026this war seems to be building up something fierce. Can\u2019t understand why you\u2019d want to go fighting Joe?\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe gave his brother a loving squeeze on the arm. \u201cI won\u2019t be lost any more brother,\u201d he said gently. \u201cNow I know I have a home to come back to, I\u2019ll see you again. As for the war\u2026that\u2019s part and parcel of being a soldier and I\u2019ll just have to take my chances, but I\u2019ll keep my head down from any Johnny Reb fire, I promise!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou better Joe,\u201d Hoss answered sincerely, his voice hesitant and emotional. \u201cJust tell me something brother, if you\u2019re memory does return, you wouldn\u2019t still leave us, would you?\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe shrugged his shoulders but made no reply for a moment, seemingly lost in thought as he struggled to swallow away a tear at his brother\u2019s heartfelt plea. He could see Hoss was waiting for an answer, and running his hand through his curly hair he looked over into his moistened blue eyes.<\/p>\n

\u201cTo be perfectly honest Hoss, I don\u2019t know. Colonel Wells, my commanding officer, was very sympathetic to what happened to me. He reckoned it was such a unique case, he gave me an official letter of discharge should my memory suddenly come back and I wanted to stay here. It\u2019s more than likely not going to happen, but I promise if it did, I\u2019ll seriously consider a change of career.\u201d<\/p>\n

Noticing a faint glimmer of hope pass over Hoss\u2019 distraught face, Joe gave him a gentle squeeze on the arm. \u201cSeeing as you want me to stay so much, how about taking me on that tour of the ranch tomorrow after all? Just in case something jolts this thick brain of mine.\u201d<\/p>\n

The beam on Hoss\u2019 face was proof enough to Joe he\u2019d said the right thing, and he caught a grateful smile of thanks thrown his way by Adam, both brothers aware of the emotional turmoil suffered by their sensitive middle brother.<\/p>\n

Suddenly Joe was unable to suppress the yawn that had been threatening for a while, his long journey and brandy leaving him more tired that he had felt for a long time. \u201cI\u2019d better get to bed before I fall asleep where I sit,\u201d he said, stretching out his arms as he yawned again.<\/p>\n

Excusing himself he made his way to the stairs where he slowly turned and gazed over at Adam and Hoss for a moment, swallowing hard. \u201cEven if my memory never returns, from now on I\u2019ll remember my two brothers, always,\u201d he said softly, his voice suddenly choking with emotion as two pairs of eyes watched him walk up the stairs and disappear from sight.<\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

The following morning a much refreshed Joe came down the stairs for breakfast, his two brothers already seated at the table. \u201cJust like old times Joe,\u201d cried Hoss, smiling over as Joe joined them. \u201cYou were always the last one up!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s the best nights sleep I have had since I don\u2019t know when,\u201d replied Joe brightly. \u201cThat brandy sure has a kick in it!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI reckon it\u2019s that old mattress of yours Joe. Never could prise you away from it without a lot of effort!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ve been thinking Joe,\u201d interjected Adam, sipping his coffee. \u201cMaybe it would be wise if I picked up Pa when he returns. It will give me a chance to tell him about you being here, give him most of the details and then warn him about you leaving again.\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe threw his brother a look of gratitude. \u201cThanks Adam, I\u2019d appreciate that. I\u2019m nervous enough about our meeting, wouldn\u2019t want to cause him to have a heart attack at the same time!\u201d<\/p>\n

Breakfast finished, Hoss rose from the table and headed for the front door, eager to show Joe as much of the Ponderosa as he could in a hopeful but vain attempt to jolt his memory. Joe followed and as both brothers secured their gun belts, Hoss put his hand on a green jacket hanging alone on a peg and handed it over to Joe. \u201cThis is yours. It was left behind in the wagon Borden sold.\u201d<\/p>\n

Surprised, Joe put it on. \u201cYou kept it all this time?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOh, that was Pa\u2019s idea. Insisted we hung it there, for when you returned.\u201d Hoss then opened a door in a large wooden sideboard by the front door and pulled out a tan colored hat with leather braid. \u201cThis is yours as well. You\u2019d ordered it from the mercantile just before you disappeared. When it arrived with the supplies the next week Pa sat up all night, just holding it. He got real depressed\u2026we thought we were losing him for a time.\u201d<\/p>\n

The stetson planted firmly on his head, Joe looked back at Adam who was leaning on the wall gazing at him. \u201cNow you\u2019re our little brother again,\u201d he said with a grin. Joe nodded, smiling gently, following Hoss and waving a quick goodbye before closing the door behind him.<\/p>\n

Adam stood for a moment, the smile on his face slowly fading to a sad and unhappy expression, his stomach churning with unease. Deeply sighing he moved over to his father\u2019s desk and began the yearly accounts, but for once his thoughts were far from the columns of figures that stared up at his unfocused eyes. Though unwilling to deny Joe his dream, the thought of his brother leaving them for such an uncertain future tore at his heart, the usually stoical Adam inwardly agreeing with his brother Hoss. Joe belonged on the Ponderosa!<\/p>\n

The beauty of Lake Tahoe took Joe\u2019s breath away as he leant on a bolder by the shore, skimming stones. \u201cWe used to come here a lot when we were younger Joe,\u201d said Hoss as his eyes gazed across the glittering water. \u201cIt was one of your favorite places on the ranch.\u201d Joe nodded, taking in the scenery of the far away Sierra Nevada and the timberline of Ponderosa Pines.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s very beautiful…but I don\u2019t remember it,\u201d he said, not failing to notice the look of disappointment on Hoss\u2019 face. They continued, mile after mile, Hoss happily showing Joe as much as he could, describing with detail landmarks on the land Joe had once loved with a passion. Each time Joe could see Hoss out of the corner of his eye, glancing his way, ever watchful, hoping, praying for some indication Joe\u2019s memory had returned. Each time he would look over and shake his head sadly.<\/p>\n

Finally as the sun began to slowly sink into the western horizon, the two brothers ended up by the lake again, amongst a small clump of trees. Slowly dismounting, Hoss pointed over to a single grave, shaded by an old gnarled willow. Joe walked over and looked down at an ornate stone, his mother\u2019s name clearly visible on the chiseled slab. His eyes welled up with tears for here was a place he must have visited many times, but nothing came to mind, no recollection, no remembrance.<\/p>\n

Saying a silent prayer, he sighed deeply then turned and rejoined his brother by their horses. \u201cSorry,\u201d he said quietly shaking his head. Hoss nodded, and without another word both brothers remounted and returned slowly to the ranch.<\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

The next morning found Joe sitting at the table, breakfast finished, as his two brothers walked slowly down the stairs. Both looked over at him in astonishment.<\/p>\n

\u201cNow here\u2019s a sight for sore eyes! Brother Joe is the first up!\u201d chuckled Hoss as he joined his brother. \u201cHad enough practice over the past year,\u201d he answered. \u201cI hear that bugle calling reveille over and over in my sleep sometimes.\u201d<\/p>\n

Sitting quietly, sipping his coffee while his brothers ate their food, Joe looked thoughtfully around, hardly believing this once familiar room could now hold no memories for him. He looked at the empty chair at the head of the table and tried to imagine the man who usually occupied that seat and who was returning tomorrow. How lucky he was, he mused, to have a father who still believed in him, waited for his return and loved him. Such a contrast to Angus Borden.<\/p>\n

Adam looked over at Joe, noticing the serious expression now on his face. \u201cWhat do you want to do today Joe?\u201d he asked as his brother continued to look thoughtful for a minute.<\/p>\n

\u201cWould you mind if I went into Virginia City? I\u2019d like to look round the place, maybe meet up with Seth and Dave.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou want any company?\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe shook his head. \u201cI\u2019d rather go alone if you don\u2019t mind Adam. I know you need to finish those accounts before Pa gets home, and Hoss wants to check on the new calves he was showing me yesterday.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOkay Joe, as long as you don\u2019t get lost,\u201d joked Adam, his face suddenly lighting up mischievously. \u201cOh I think I will manage! After all, I did find my way here from Wyoming!\u201d laughed Joe, genuinely warming to his usually serious elder brother.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhy don\u2019t you come with me Joe?\u201d asked Hoss hopefully. \u201cAfter I\u2019ve looked them calves over we could go into town together.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThanks for the offer, but looking at a herd of cows doesn\u2019t seem half as appealing as having a few beers in the local saloon,\u201d he answered with a slight smile, but could see his big brother was clearly disappointed.<\/p>\n

Hoss sighed, \u201cOkay Joe. If that\u2019s what you want to do,\u201d he answered in a despondent voice, rising and making for the front door. \u201cI should be back in an hour or so,\u201d he yelled from around the corner as the door closed, the sound of his heavy footsteps slowly fading as his two brothers sat in silence.<\/p>\n

\u201cAnother coffee?\u201d asked Adam, appreciating the chance to sit and talk alone with his little brother for the first time in over a year. Joe nodded, passing over his cup as he looked in the direction of the front door. \u201cHoss really loves this ranch, doesn\u2019t he?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOh yes! He and the Ponderosa are like a match made in heaven. This place is in his blood,\u201d Adam replied, handing the refilled cup back to Joe. \u201cBut then again, there was a time you felt the same,\u201d he added.<\/p>\n

\u201cBut not anymore,\u201d answered Joe sadly, coming to terms with the fact his amnesia was permanent. \u201cCan I ask you something Adam?\u201d Raising an eyebrow Adam sat back and nodded.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhen I said I wasn\u2019t staying it didn\u2019t seem to surprise you as much as it did Hoss. How come?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOh, just an intuitive feeling and a distant look in your eye that I\u2019ve seen before\u2026in my own!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou mean you\u2019ve wanted to leave the Ponderosa? Do something else?\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam smiled softly. \u201cEveryone has dreams Joe, some more attainable than others. I have wanted and still want to do something else. Ever since I left Boston there\u2019s been a longing\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBoston?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI was in college Joe. Spent four wonderful years on the east coast\u2026but I came back to the Ponderosa, and a very demanding nine year old little brother!\u201d he answered with a grin.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhy did you return if you were happy? Did Pa insist?\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam smiled wistfully. \u201cPa didn\u2019t insist but he did ask, and I said yes. I still long to return, and probably will one day\u2026.but not yet. Pa knows this, and he\u2019ll accept it, when the time comes.\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe nodded, pondering Adam\u2019s heartfelt thoughts, as he looked around the room, his eyes straying onto his father\u2019s desk. Rising from his chair he walked over and picked up a silver framed photo and returned to the table. \u201cAm I like my mother?\u201d he asked, staring intently at the face that looked back at him.<\/p>\n

\u201cDefinitely Joe, in many ways. Shall I tell you about her?\u201d Adam asked, wishing to prolong their time together.<\/p>\n

\u201cWould you? Can you spare a few minutes?\u201d Adam nodded, grinning playfully. \u201cI daresay I can spare an hour or two!\u201d<\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

While the two brothers conversed amicably, a few miles away in Virginia City the daily stage from Sacramento arrived on time, its only passenger happy to alight from the hard springed coach seats after the long journey. The timber conference had gone well but finished early for once, so rather than enjoy the sights of Sacramento for another day, Ben Cartwright decided to return home.<\/p>\n

When Joe left he made every excuse for his son\u2019s behavior, laid the blame on himself rather than his youngest, had even fleetingly doubted Adam\u2019s heartfelt denial they had argued while he had been in Sacramento. Ben carried the burden of guilt for months, becoming depressed and losing interest in the running of the ranch until Adam and Hoss eventually cajoled him out of his self-inflicted state of misery. It was then he realized his two remaining sons needed their father just as much as Joe ever did, but his faith in his youngest never wavered.<\/p>\n

However, his few days away from the Ponderosa had given Ben an opportunity to think through Joe\u2019s behavior. Now he could see clearly his son had been mean and spiteful, had treated his family despicably and all belief and faith in him finally evaporated away. Ben was left to feel an angry and bitter man as he admitted to himself his youngest son was gone and would never return.<\/p>\n

Hiring a horse from the livery stable, Ben made his way back home, reflecting on the past year of misery suffered by Adam, Hoss and himself. Dismounting in the yard, he sighed deeply, his mind elsewhere as he moved towards the front door when it suddenly opened and he came face to face with a painfully familiar figure.<\/p>\n

Still chatting together happily, Adam had returned to the kitchen for a fresh cup of coffee as Joe heard footsteps outside on the wooden verandah and wandered over to open the door where there stood an elderly man with thick grey hair.<\/p>\n

\u201cHello,\u201d he said with an easy smile, totally unaware of the identity of the figure in front of him.<\/p>\n

A much startled Ben stared at his long lost son who gazed at him with sparkling green eyes without any sign of apology, remorse or regret for the misery he had caused his family. A son Ben now admitted to himself must be heartless, cruel and without compassion. A son who was now stood in front of him with a smile on his face.<\/p>\n

Joe\u2019s greeting went unheard as bitter memories flooded back to Ben of words in faltering English, said all those months ago. \u2018Chance he had been waiting for\u2026wants to get away\u2026no more taking orders\u2026.better life far away\u2026.never going to return!\u2019<\/p>\n

The heartache, disappointment and pain of the past year suddenly spilt forth and unable to control his emotions, Ben raised his hand, striking his youngest son hard on his cheek with the palm of his hand. The sound echoed across the room, sending a startled and bewildered Joe reeling back, crashing heavily into the wooden sideboard.<\/p>\n

Joe straightened up, glaring over at his assailant as Ben quickly stepped forward and struck him again, sending him with such force Joe fell to the floor in a heap. In a bemused daze he looked up at the crazed face that stared down at him, bracing himself for another attack as he wiped the blood pouring from the corner of his mouth with his sleeve.<\/p>\n

Ben looked down without compassion at the figure on the floor. \u201cJoseph! Listen good,\u201d he said in a harsh, cold voice. \u201cI will never forgive you!\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe tensed, a confused look in his eyes as he stared up at the unremembered face. \u201cWhat the hell you talking about?\u201d he cried, as Adam suddenly appeared around the corner and stared between his father and little brother, noticing his bruised cheek, split lip and bloodied mouth. \u201cPa! What\u2019s going on!\u201d he yelled, forcibly pushing his father away from his fallen brother.<\/p>\n

Joe looked up in horror. \u201cPa?\u201d he whispered, shaking his head in disbelief. Where was the loving father described with such clarity by Adam and Hoss? His father who alone had continued to believe in him, but now looked down with hatred in his eyes. His father who never raised a hand in anger, but had just beaten him to the floor. \u201cPa?\u201d he whispered again, his eyes filling with tears.<\/p>\n

Had his father turned into another Frank Borden?<\/p>\n

It was all too much for Joe as he slowly got to his feet, his head throbbing, and held his father\u2019s angry stare for a moment before staggering out of the house without saying another word.<\/p>\n

\u201cJoe! Wait!\u201d Adam shouted after his brother but within seconds horses hooves could be heard galloping away. Angrily he turned on his father. \u201cPa? I can\u2019t believe you hit Joe? Why? \u201d he cried, as his father shrugged off his son\u2019s arm.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m sorry you had to see that Adam, but I\u2019m not sorry to have done it. I\u2019ve finally seen sense and have come to agree with you. Your brother doesn\u2019t deserve any favors from us again. I know that now, seeing him standing in front of me without a sign of apology on his face! \u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBut Pa, you don\u2019t understand. Joe has..\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cStop right there son,\u201d Ben interrupted. \u201cYou for one should know how I\u2019m feeling!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cDamn it Pa! For heavens sake listen to me! Joe didn\u2019t know who you were! He has amnesia!\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben\u2019s brow furrowed as Adam\u2019s words struggled to make sense. \u201cAmnesia? What are you talking about?\u201d<\/p>\n

Moving quickly to the mantelpiece, Adam took down a white envelope and handed it to his father. \u201cRead this. It explains everything.\u201d<\/p>\n

Mystified, Ben unfolded the letter and began to read as Adam watched his father\u2019s face turn pale. \u201cAll this\u2026it\u2019s true? Joe doesn\u2019t remember anything about us?\u201d Adam nodded. \u201cHe\u2019s been in the Army all this time, ever since Borden switched places with him. Doesn\u2019t have any memory of anything before then.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben sat down mortified as the full horror of his actions hit him. \u201cSo it wasn\u2019t Joe we followed to the relay station was it?\u201d he croaked, shamefully realizing his son was indeed innocent of all charges laid against him by his family.<\/p>\n

At that moment Hoss walked in, surprised to see his father unexpectedly sitting by the fire.<\/p>\n

\u201cHello Pa! What you doing back so e\u2026\u201d he voice trailed to nothing as his father suddenly began sobbing in front of him, Ben\u2019s face buried deep within his hands.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat\u2019s wrong?\u201d he asked in alarm, hurrying over as Adam raised his eyes slowly. \u201cPa and Joe just met\u2026they had a fight.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cDon\u2019t skirt around the truth son,\u201d Ben said quietly, wiping his eyes as he looked up at Hoss. \u201cI\u2019m ashamed to say I hit your brother son. Hit him hard. May God forgive me.\u201d<\/p>\n

Looking puzzled Hoss looked between his father and Adam. \u201cI don\u2019t understand\u2026\u201d Ben shook his head sadly, his hand throbbing as a constant reminder of the disgust he felt at himself.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt wasn\u2019t really Pa\u2019s fault,\u201d answered Adam quickly, looking towards his brother. \u201cHe and Joe surprised each other at the door, Pa just hit out, thinking he was unrepentant for what he did. He didn\u2019t realize Joe had no idea who he was.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou really hit Joe?\u201d asked Hoss incredulously. Ben nodded silently in shameful acquiescence.<\/p>\n

Hoss stood in silence for a moment, visibly shaken and shocked by his father\u2019s admission. \u201cWhere is he now?\u201d he asked finally. Adam shrugged his shoulders. \u201cHe high-tailed it out of here. Heaven knows where he\u2019s gone.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou don\u2019t reckon he\u2019s gone for good, do you Adam? It\u2019s bad enough him leaving in a couple of weeks, I don\u2019t want him going now with such bad feeling between us all.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben looked up, fear creeping into his eyes. \u201cJoe is leaving?\u201d Adam nodded. \u201cHe\u2019s decided to stay in the Army. Not remembering anything about his life here, he just doesn\u2019t feel the Ponderosa is where he wants to be anymore.\u201d<\/p>\n

Slumping back into his chair, anguish and misery was clearly visible on Ben\u2019s features as he took in all Adam had said. His beloved Joe\u2026leaving\u2026becoming a soldier! It was all too much for Ben as he felt fresh tears welling from deep within his eyes. He looked up at his two sons, whose concerned faces stared back at him.<\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t deserve your looks of compassion,\u201d he said, his voice hesitating. \u201cWhat I did was inexcusable\u2026I just pray I get the chance to apologize, to let him know how wrong I was!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHow about telling him now?\u201d asked a quiet voice from the open doorway. Three pairs of eyes turned in surprised unison to view the figure who stood before them, his face bruised and dried blood congealed on his lip.<\/p>\n

In a state of shock, Ben stood up and walked over to his son, concentrating hard on his bruised face. \u201cJoseph,\u201d he said softly, as he waved the letter held tightly in his hand. \u201cI\u2019ve just found out! I had no idea!\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe gave his father a gentle smile. \u201cI know, though it took me a couple of miles of hard riding and a throbbing head to eventually realize. I take it you\u2019ve read the letter\u2026know about the amnesia, about my whereabouts over the past year?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYes Joe, now I know,\u201d Ben whispered, his face crumbling in pain. Stepping forward he placed his hands on Joe\u2019s shoulders. \u201cI\u2019m so sorry son. You may not remember me but I\u2019ve never before raised my hand in anger\u2026believe that if nothing else. I\u2019ve missed you so much!\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe looked into his father\u2019s moistened eyes, saw the guilt and sorrow shining through.<\/p>\n

\u201cI know Pa,\u201d he answered, falling into Ben\u2019s arms, father and son clinging together again after a year of painful absence, as Adam and Hoss looked on in silence.<\/p>\n

Finally they pulled apart, Ben gazing into the sparkling green eyes that looked at him with an unwavering look of love. \u201cCan you forgive me? Forgive me for what I did to you? I just thought I\u2019d never see you again Joe\u2026I\u2019d become bitter thinking you had gone for good. It was such a shock\u2026seeing you in front of me in the doorway.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOf course I forgive you, but you of all people should have had more faith in me Pa,\u201d Joe said quietly as he rubbed his cheek. \u201cYou should have trusted me more.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben nodded his head shamefully as he held his son\u2019s hurt expression then returned to his armchair by the fire, Joe following to join Hoss on the settee as Ben continued to stare at his son, guiltily rubbing the palm of his hand.<\/p>\n

\u201cI love you Joseph. Don\u2019t you ever doubt that,\u201d he said, his chest tight with emotion and anguish. Joe looked at his father and smiled slightly. \u201cI know that too Pa.\u201d<\/p>\n

Making a concerted effort to appear calm, Ben looked down at the paper in his trembling hand. \u201cSergeant Miller writes a very concise letter. You certainly had an adventure away from here and I am just thankful you survived everything that was thrown at you.\u201d
\nHe paused for a moment, trying hard to keep his composure as his eyes moistened slightly.<\/p>\n

\u201cAdam tells me you want to stay in the Army\u2026is that right?\u201d he asked nervously in a shaky voice, trying hard to mask the deep sadness he felt. The thought of Joe leaving the Ponderosa was breaking his heart, but he knew he could not\u2026would not stop him. It was his son\u2019s dream to follow..wherever it took him.<\/p>\n

Joe nodded. \u201cBeen offered a commission. They\u2019re expecting me at West Point in a few weeks.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben forced over a smile, swallowing hard to stop his voice from breaking. \u201cSo you\u2019ll be leaving us again? Well, I\u2019m proud of you Joseph. You\u2019ll make a mighty fine officer.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAren\u2019t you going to talk me out of it then?\u201d asked Joe. \u201cWouldn\u2019t you rather I stayed on the Ponderosa?\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben clenched his fists in a vain effort to stop shaking, hardly able to look his son in the eye for fear of betraying his true feelings.<\/p>\n

\u201cOf course Joe, but I would never interfere with the dreams of my sons. Even though you don\u2019t remember the Ponderosa, or us, I know it wouldn\u2019t have been an easy decision for you to make, and if being in the Army is what you really want, then so be it. Just remember, this will always be your home, whenever you want to return.\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe swallowed hard, conscious of the tremendous sacrifice his father was prepared to make for his happiness. \u201cThanks Pa,\u201d he said, giving his father a long loving stare.<\/p>\n

Suddenly with a mischievous glint in his eye, he turned to Hoss. \u201cNever did get to ask about your toothache last year. Did you have the tooth out?\u201d he asked nonchalantly, his eyes wide with innocence.<\/p>\n

Hoss, still shocked by the state of his brother\u2019s face, looked taken aback at the change of subject. \u201cWell\u2026 sure Joe. Had it out that very day,\u201d he answered with a confused frown. Joe nodded then turned to his elder brother.<\/p>\n

\u201cAdam, seeing as we nearly finished those chores last year, I reckon you owe me a weeks worth of beer, at the least!\u201d he added, sitting back on the settee as he glanced at each of his family in turn.<\/p>\n

Adam was about to agree when enlightenment suddenly dawned. \u201cYour memory! You\u2019ve remembered!\u201d he cried, a huge smile suddenly covering his face as Hoss looked over incredulously.<\/p>\n

\u201cJoe! Is this true?\u201d asked Ben, his eyes widening with surprise as his youngest son nodded and chuckled quietly. \u201cWhy didn\u2019t you say something earlier?\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe stood up and began to look around the room as if seeing if for the first time, then gazed back at his father. \u201cSorry Pa. Guess I got carried away with seeing you again. Wanted to get things clear between us first.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSo when did you begin to remember everything?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI was galloping away, not knowing where I was aiming for, when suddenly I knew every inch of the Ponderosa, every nook and cranny of this house, my childhood\u2026and you, Adam and Hoss. Must have been the shock of you hitting me Pa, and saying what you did.\u201d<\/p>\n

Staring shamefully at the floor, Ben\u2019s brown eyes slowly rose to look at his son, fighting hard to control his tears. \u201cI\u2019m just so sorry it took me beating you to regain your memory. That is something I will never forgive myself for,\u201d he whispered.<\/p>\n

Joe moved over and knelt before his father, taking his hands in his. \u201cPa! If you hadn\u2019t hit out I don\u2019t think I would have ever remembered you. It was just the unexpected and unprecedented jolt my brain needed! I should be thanking you for giving me this sore face!\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben saw the forgiveness within his son\u2019s eyes as for once the son comforted the father and Ben slowly nodded his head in understanding, giving Joe\u2019s hand a tight squeeze. \u201cThank you son, and welcome home.\u201d<\/p>\n

Hoss clapped his hands on his thigh with delight. \u201cIf your memory is back, you figure on staying here now Joe?\u201d he asked as Joe sat back on the settee. Ben looked over nervously, ever hopeful. \u201cYou mean you might stay now Joseph? Is there a chance?\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe started to frown, biting at his lip.<\/p>\n

\u201cI did tell Hoss I would consider it should my memory return\u2026never really thought it was going to happen though. I\u2019m just not sure what to do anymore.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cTake your time son. I know it\u2019s a decision you need to think through carefully\u2026for all our sakes,\u201d said Ben cautiously. \u201cBut you know we truly want you here, don\u2019t you?\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe nodded, rising up and standing with his back to the fireplace, oblivious to his family as he looked through the window beyond the dining table. There was silence for a few moments and Ben looked up at his youngest son, noticing a faraway look that had suddenly appeared on his face.<\/p>\n

\u201cJoe?\u201d<\/p>\n

Abruptly, Joe realized his father was staring at him and he cleared his throat to hide his embarrassment. \u201cSorry Pa,\u201d he said, but moments later it was clear to all Joe was still absorbed by something as he continued to gaze towards the mountains far away on the horizon.<\/p>\n

Ben frowned. \u201cJoe? Are you okay?\u201d Shaken from his reverie, he nodded. \u201cJust a little distracted. I\u2019m fine Pa, really! Would you excuse me for a minute?\u201d Ben nodded and without another word Joe walked slowly upstairs, head hung low as his footsteps echoed on the wooden floored landing.<\/p>\n

As the sound of Joe\u2019s bedroom door closing filtered down, Adam looked thoughtfully at his father. \u201cHe\u2019s torn between us and the Army. Whichever he chooses we will need to support him\u2026even if its not what we want him to do,\u201d he said, turning to Hoss who continued to stare up the stairs.<\/p>\n

\u201cBut Adam! Joe belongs here\u2026we all know that!\u201d snapped Hoss, leveling a glare towards his brother.<\/p>\n

\u201cI know that Hoss, but we can\u2019t force his hand. This has to be his decision, and his alone.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben sighed deeply and nodded in silent agreement, pushing himself back into his chair and closing his eyes as the still painful memory of striking his son washed over him.<\/p>\n

Minutes later, upstairs, a door could be heard closing and Joe appeared, looking thoughtfully at a white colored envelope held tightly in his hand as he walked down the stairs. Returning to sit on the settee he chewed on the side of his mouth nervously for a minute, an air of quiet tension slowly filling the room that no-one seemed keen to break as Ben, Adam and Hoss stared over at the young man.<\/p>\n

Finally Joe broke the silence as he walked over to the fireplace. \u201cMy Commanding Officer gave me this\u2026.but I won\u2019t be needing it anymore,\u201d he said quietly, tearing up the envelope and watching the torn pieces of paper flare up in the open hearth, the ashes quickly flying up the chimney.<\/p>\n

Hoss noticeably gasped, his eyes brimming with tears. \u201cAre those your discharge papers Joe?\u201d he asked nervously. \u201cYou\u2019ve decided to return to the Army haven\u2019t you?\u201d
\nHis voice noticeably broke with misery as Joe returned to sit by his side, Adam giving Hoss a look of sharp rebuke but remaining silent.<\/p>\n

Joe eyed his big brother affectionately for a second or more, a little taken aback by his heartfelt outburst, knowing three pairs of eyes were sizing him up, awaiting an answer.<\/p>\n

Slowly he shook his head. \u201cNo Hoss. That was my letter of introduction to West Point. I\u2019m not leaving. Looks like you got me back again\u2026for better or worse!\u201d he chuckled quietly.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou mean\u2026you\u2019re staying?\u201d Hoss cried happily. Joe nodded, but the smile was now gone from his bruised face as he watched the flickering flames in the large fireplace.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ll have to write and let Sergeant Miller know. He thought I would have made a good officer,\u201d said Joe looking over at Ben with a sorrowful expression. \u201cHe believed in me Pa, really thought I would do well, trusted in me, respected my decisions. He persuaded me to come back here and see you all. Without him, I doubt I would of ever returned.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben swallowed hard. \u201cI will be forever in his debt then Joe, for showing my son the respect and faith that I should have had in him,\u201d he said, his voice showing emotion in its tone. \u201cJust believe me when I say I would gladly trust you with my life. I just hope you feel you can have the same trust and faith in me\u2026 again.\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe stared at his father, never before seeing him look so meek or helpless, his honesty surprising him. He nodded, blinking his moistened eyes in an attempt to focus. \u201cAlways Pa, you know that.\u201d<\/p>\n

Walking to the window, Joe stared out over the mountains and beyond.<\/p>\n

\u201cAre you sure this is what you want to do son?\u201d asked Ben, watching his son\u2019s concentrated viewing of the landscape. \u201cCan the Ponderosa fulfill your dreams?\u201d<\/p>\n

Standing silently and still, Joe swallowed away a tear, not answering straight away. Clearly he was pondering deeply as his family viewed him with concern.<\/p>\n

\u201cYes Pa. With that view, how could I not want to stay here?\u201d he replied finally, as he turned and faced his family.<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd the Army Joe? You don\u2019t mind giving it up?\u201d<\/p>\n

Shaking his head, Joe gave a resigned sigh. \u201cNo Pa. The Army could have been my life, had circumstances been different. But since I\u2019ve remembered my home\u2026my family, this is where my heart is and where I belong\u2026I know that now. Besides, there\u2019s only room for one Union sympathizer in this family,\u201d he added, giving Adam a knowing smile. \u201cI\u2019ve finished playing soldiers\u2026for ever!\u201d<\/p>\n

The End<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Next Story in the Playing Soldiers Series:<\/strong><\/p>\n

Never Say Never<\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n
<\/form>\n<\/div>\n
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<\/g><\/svg><\/i> \"Loading\"<\/p>\n

<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Summary: A childhood dream becomes reality for Joe in a most unexpected way<\/p>\n

Rated: K+\u00a0 Word Count:\u00a0 27896<\/p>\n

Playing Soldiers Series, links to all the stories within the series included.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":3946,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"template-full-width-post.php","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[2,23],"tags":[16],"class_list":["post-2330","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-actionadventure","category-drama","tag-joe","wpcat-2-id","wpcat-23-id"],"a3_pvc":{"activated":true,"total_views":2155,"today_views":0},"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/cavalry.jpg?fit=742%2C600&ssl=1","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":12135,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=12135","url_meta":{"origin":2330,"position":0},"title":"Prelude to Rebirth (by DebbieB)","author":"DebbieB","date":"August 1, 2003","format":false,"excerpt":"DebbieB passed away Christmas 2021. 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