{"id":2341,"date":"2009-05-31T09:21:48","date_gmt":"2009-05-31T13:21:48","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=2341"},"modified":"2025-02-27T12:13:27","modified_gmt":"2025-02-27T17:13:27","slug":"need","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=2341","title":{"rendered":"Need (by Dodo)"},"content":{"rendered":"

Summary:\u00a0 <\/span>A WHN for Firstborn and my submission for the May Literary Challenge.\u00a0 Relations between Ben and Joe have become tense.<\/p>\n

Rated:<\/span> K+\u00a0 Word Count:\u00a0 2284<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0Need<\/strong><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

(The aftermath of First Born)<\/p>\n

As the flames cast dancing shadows on the walls and ceiling I sank down despairingly onto my chair and stared into the blazing hearth. And with my spirits at an all time low, I watched without seeing as thoughts of the latest altercation with my youngest son churned over and over in my mind; one of many clashes that I\u2019d shared lately with Joe and by far the fiercest to date.<\/p>\n

I must admit though we\u2019ve had our disagreements over the years I\u2019d considered myself lucky to have never needed to admit unbridled despondency regarding the aftermath of any argument with one of my boys. But for the first time ever that was exactly the way I was feeling and as I continued to sit in quiet melancholy I recalled the fiery exchange at the supper table minutes before which had left me unable to respond; the shock of his words as I listened to my son leaving me in appalled silence.<\/p>\n

How had it come to this? After all the evening\u2019s proceedings had started innocently and quietly enough with a simple and not unreasonable request.<\/p>\n

Due to the life threatening injuries received from the vicious beating he\u2019d taken a few months before, Joe had missed the yearly roundup of wild horses carrying the Ponderosa brand brought down from the juicy green grassed meadowlands on the southern slopes of the Sierra Nevada.<\/p>\n

It had taken quite a while for him to fully recover but once in good health to my surprise Joe had shown no real eagerness or desire to return to working on the ranch no matter how hard I or his brothers tried to persuade him. In fact as time went on his behaviour spiralled downwards; frequently in a bad mood, rising later and later each morning and continually argumentative, especially with me, though I refused to rise to the bait in response.<\/p>\n

I\u2019d guessed the reasons for his uncharacteristic bad conduct so I suppose you could say that was the reason I was overly tolerant with my youngest; Adam telling me more than once I indulged his little brother\u2019s bad temper far too much for his own good! And in my heart of hearts I knew my eldest son was correct; maybe I should have been more forceful in my approach. But I\u2019d hoped the old adage time is a great healer would apply with Joseph so I\u2019d just waited patiently for him to come to his senses.<\/p>\n

However after weeks turned to months even I could see Joe was showing no indication or desire to change his ways. So tonight I\u2019d decided enough was enough and with much work to do around the ranch I\u2019d finally asked\u2026insisted\u2026over our dinner it was time for him to start pulling his weight on the ranch once again. For with both Adam and Hoss away in San Francisco and the annual Army contract to complete as soon as possible I was relying on him to take charge of the horse breaking. After all we needed his expertise and I willingly conceded he was the best horseman by far for miles and the most suited for the lucrative job that was the mainstay for the Ponderosa\u2019s annual profits.<\/p>\n

However my light hearted appeal and flattery seemed to fall on deaf ears for once as indifference and apathy about breaking in the stock clearly showed on Joe\u2019s face; his only response to begin grumbling once again the fact I\u2019d not tried hard enough to talk Clay into staying on the ranch.<\/p>\n

Clay Stafford!<\/p>\n

How many times had Joe brought up his name over the past weeks during one of his quarrelsome moods? Marie\u2019s first born he may have been but I silently cursed Clay\u2019s name and the day he\u2019d found us and become a part of our lives. For though he\u2019d voluntarily left the ranch to save any more trouble with those incensed miners who\u2019d vowed to kill him, he\u2019d left behind a cruel legacy. A brother physically hurt; emotionally broken. My Joseph! A son now apparently lost within his family; confused by his feelings of misplaced loyalty and seemingly with no sense of belonging to those who loved him the most.<\/p>\n

Unaware of my private musings, Joe then began to unfairly and without reason bemoan the fact my behaviour towards Clay must have left him feeling alienated from us all and probably was the reason why he didn\u2019t want his younger brother to go away with him. Then Joe had jumped up from his seat and looked at me for a long and uncomfortable time with coldness in his eyes.<\/p>\n

\u201cHow could you have allowed it to happen Pa? Clay wasn\u2019t causing any problems here on the ranch so why did you let my brother go?\u201d<\/p>\n

It was then I could take no more and I\u2019d raised my hand to interrupt. For though I could see by Joe\u2019s irate stance I\u2019d have to go careful I refused to remain silent any longer. It was time to make my private thoughts audible.<\/p>\n

Not wishing to antagonise unnecessarily and with no sign of condemnation or accusation in my query I\u2019d asked if Joe had forgotten he\u2019d been nearly killed because of Stafford\u2019s gun-slinging ways. Had he conveniently put out of his mind the pain he\u2019d suffered for weeks with the broken ribs and punctured lung; his condition made all the worse by his stubborn insistence on following Clay to his first nights camp on leaving the Ponderosa.<\/p>\n

Had Joe overlooked the fact his New Orleans born and raised brother obviously didn\u2019t want to be around us anymore for it was Clay and Clay alone who\u2019d insisted on leaving and purposely cut all ties by not letting us know where he was heading.<\/p>\n

Patiently and calmly I went on; trying to hold my son\u2019s attention and talk some sense into him at last. Joe still had a father and two other brothers who loved and cared about him. It was time to forget about Clay and just get on with his own life on the Ponderosa from now on.<\/p>\n

But when I\u2019d finished Joe\u2019s green eyed blank stare told me immediately my words did not cut with my son at all, then he\u2019d suddenly lashed out cruelly with a blazing rage welled up deep within him that left me reeling in wide-eyed surprise and horror.<\/p>\n

\u201cPa you ain\u2019t been listening to a word I\u2019ve been saying over the past weeks. I\u2019m not interested in being a cowpoke on the ranch anymore! And though you may have been mighty glad to see the back of Clay doesn\u2019t mean I\u2019m not giving up on the idea of leaving the Ponderosa someday soon to find him and stay with him. He needs me! So just get used to the idea I won\u2019t be sticking around here forever and let me be\u2026leave me alone to live my own life as I see fit!\u201d<\/p>\n

I\u2019d shuddered at his venomous tone and there was an unnaturally long pause as Joe glared defiantly at me while clenching his fists tight at his side.<\/p>\n

\u2018I won\u2019t be sticking around here forever\u2019<\/p>\n

To hear Joe yell those words chilled me to the bone for he\u2019d never been one for idle promises and his pledge had an air of unyielding certainty about it. Swallowing hard I\u2019d held his gaze; Joe staring at me for a long moment with a cold, dogmatic expression as though daring me to respond in kind. I wanted to answer but for once words choked in my throat and I was unable to speak; the silence deafening between us until Joe eventually turned away and began to race up the stairs towards his room.<\/p>\n

\u201cBut I need you son.\u201d<\/p>\n

My voice had croaked hoarsely with emotion and was barely audible within the large room. I don\u2019t even know if Joe heard me but suddenly he paused and stiffened, his fingers tightening around the banister rail. I thought he was going to say something and waited for him to speak but instead without comment he just continued upward and moments later his bedroom door slammed shut behind him.<\/p>\n

I continued to sit hour after hour, reliving the scene over and over in my mind as the fire dimmed in the hearth and eventually went cold. And as I realised Joe was now determined on the road he wanted to take in his life, with morbid confidence I knew there was nothing I or anyone else could say or do to stop him from his preferred course of action. To all intents and purposes I\u2019d lost my son.
\n***
\nEventually with my mind a blur of confusion I\u2019d made my way upstairs to bed and must have dropped immediately into a deep yet troublesome sleep, for when I rose the next day later than usual I was still dog-tired and the sun was already way above the horizon. I quickly dressed and hurried downstairs where Hop Sing was pouring out a cup of coffee and he offered it to me as I pulled out my chair and sat down. \u201cIt\u2019s very late Hop Sing. Why didn\u2019t you wake me?\u201d<\/p>\n

I took a grateful sip of my drink as Hop Sing smiled. \u201cLittle Joe say let father sleep in. Not disturb.\u201d<\/p>\n

I paused with the cup halfway to my lips. \u201cJoe? He\u2019s up already?\u201d I asked in surprise.<\/p>\n

The old cook nodded knowingly. \u201cHe up\u2026and gone.\u201d<\/p>\n

My heart suddenly sank and I could feel my hands begin to shake violently so I quickly put down my cup. But too late! Already the coffee had spilled onto the freshly laid tablecloth, leaving an ugly brown stain on the white linen cover. Had my nightmare come true? Dear God! Surely Joe wouldn\u2019t have left as he\u2019d promised to do last night without a word to me? Without saying goodbye? NO! Not my son!<\/p>\n

\u201cGone? Gone where?\u201d<\/p>\n

There was panic in my voice but my query was to an empty room as Hop Sing had already disappeared back into the kitchen to fetch my breakfast. With a feeling of dread I pushed my chair away and hurried outside, practically running across the yard towards the barn where I cautiously opened the door and looked inside with trepidation. It took a moment for my eyes to adjust to the light before I could see a pinto turning its head and looking at me expectantly. I sighed with momentary relief. Cochise was still here so where was Joe?<\/p>\n

Turning heel I immediately strode back outside, pausing by the hitching rail, not sure where to look next. Then in the distance I could hear men\u2019s voices raised in excitement; the hub of noise coming from behind the house. My curiosity was momentarily aroused so I made my way towards a large corral containing a small herd of wild horses while in a second a man was astride a tall dark-eyed sorrel as it bucked and kicked with infuriation.<\/p>\n

As my heart pounded loud in my chest I stood motionless with pride as I watched my son expertly ride the wild animal docile to the lively cries of the cheering hands and after dismounting give it a calming pat. Then as the horse was led meekly away by a lasso around its neck, another man captured a short-backed bay from the milling herd and brought it into the now empty corral. But something about my son puzzled me for a moment as Joe interacted with all the men watching while catching his breath. Then it came to me in a flash. He seemed relaxed\u2026was grinning\u2026laughing; something I hadn\u2019t seen him do since Clay had up and gone.<\/p>\n

Joe must have suddenly sensed my presence for he then looked straight over towards me; the mud on his face and clothes testament to the fact he\u2019d hit the ground more than once that morning. He walked towards me until we were a pace apart and as we held each other\u2019s gaze I fought the fatherly urge to wipe his face clean by spitting on my kerchief as I\u2019d done on countless occasions when he was a child; the fact I couldn\u2019t do it making me feel strangely deprived for a moment.<\/p>\n

I fancied Joe could read the thought racing through my mind for he automatically wiped a jacket sleeve across his dirt covered cheek and grinned but said nothing. Then as if suddenly feeling uncomfortable at the situation between us he lowered his eyes with obvious embarrassment and for a moment just scuffled a foot in the dust as though not sure what to do or say next. Biting his lip nervously Joe was obviously at a loss for words; an unusual situation for him. But then he looked at me, tears glistening and his expression one of heartbreaking misery.<\/p>\n

\u201cPa\u2026I\u2026.\u201d<\/p>\n

Holding up a hand for silence I smiled reassuringly, for I knew my son well enough to interpret his thoughts exactly.<\/p>\n

Sorry\u2026didn\u2019t mean what I said and I\u2019m not going anywhere. I\u2019m here to stay for always\u2026I promise.<\/p>\n

What had happened since last night to bring about this change of mind? I couldn\u2019t begin to guess but feeling warmth and contentment stealing over me just accepted Joe\u2019s unspoken apology and pledge without question; my own eyes uncontrollably misting as I guided my arm around his neck in a loving embrace. Then gratefully and happily holding my son close once again heard the faintest of whispers in my ear.<\/p>\n

\u201cI need you more.\u201d<\/p>\n

The End<\/p>\n

<\/div>\n

<\/g><\/svg><\/i> \"Loading\"<\/p>\n

<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Summary:\u00a0 A WHN for Firstborn and my submission for the May Literary Challenge.\u00a0 Relations between Ben and Joe have become tense.<\/p>\n

Rated: K+\u00a0 Word Count:\u00a0 2284<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":376,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"template-full-width-post.php","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[23,13,40],"tags":[15,16],"class_list":["post-2341","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-drama","category-whn","category-challenges","tag-ben","tag-joe","wpcat-23-id","wpcat-13-id","wpcat-40-id"],"a3_pvc":{"activated":true,"total_views":2378,"today_views":0},"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/02\/coming-soon-4.jpg?fit=320%2C240&ssl=1","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":7057,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=7057","url_meta":{"origin":2341,"position":0},"title":"Last Chance (by Cheaux)","author":"Cheaux","date":"May 6, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"Summary:\u00a0 Joe gambles with his life to give his Pa something precious. Rated:\u00a0 K \u00a0WC \u00a0900","rel":"","context":"In "Ben \/ Joe"","block_context":{"text":"Ben \/ Joe","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?cat=1015"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/The-day.jpg?fit=400%2C600&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":13843,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=13843","url_meta":{"origin":2341,"position":1},"title":"The Runt (by HelenB)","author":"HelenB","date":"August 27, 2004","format":false,"excerpt":"Summary:\u00a0 The Cartwrights learn that sometimes the best things really do come in small packages Rating:\u00a0 T\u00a0 (3,150 words)","rel":"","context":"In "Drama"","block_context":{"text":"Drama","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?cat=23"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/02\/coming-soon-6.jpg?fit=303%2C240&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":13960,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=13960","url_meta":{"origin":2341,"position":2},"title":"No Greater Love (by Susan G)","author":"SusanG","date":"December 12, 2007","format":false,"excerpt":"Summary:\u00a0 Life changes when the Cartwrights return home find the folks in Virginia City scared of those offering 'protection'. Rating:\u00a0 T\u00a0\u00a0 (23,380 words)","rel":"","context":"In "Drama"","block_context":{"text":"Drama","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?cat=23"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/10\/feature-4.jpg?fit=387%2C387&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":13630,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=13630","url_meta":{"origin":2341,"position":3},"title":"A Cry for Freedom (by JennieA)","author":"JennieA","date":"January 7, 2003","format":false,"excerpt":"Summary:\u00a0 It started with Ben giving Little Joe more responsibility for the Ponderosa.\u00a0 Little did the family realize the course Ben was setting in motion. Rating:\u00a0 R\u00a0 (65,725 words) Due to subject matter contained in this series, the stories are only available via e:mail from the author -- ryjennie@comcast.net","rel":"","context":"In "Action\/Adventure"","block_context":{"text":"Action\/Adventure","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?cat=2"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/09\/4Cs.jpg?fit=400%2C401&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":2318,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=2318","url_meta":{"origin":2341,"position":4},"title":"The Art Of Cunning (by Dodo)","author":"Dodo","date":"April 1, 2009","format":false,"excerpt":"Summary:\u00a0 When Joe wants something badly to what lengths would he go?\u00a0 Rated: K+ Work Count:\u00a0 1496","rel":"","context":"In "Chaps and Spurs"","block_context":{"text":"Chaps and Spurs","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?cat=39"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/03\/TinBadge.jpg?fit=730%2C564&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/03\/TinBadge.jpg?fit=730%2C564&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/03\/TinBadge.jpg?fit=730%2C564&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/03\/TinBadge.jpg?fit=730%2C564&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x"},"classes":[]},{"id":7582,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=7582","url_meta":{"origin":2341,"position":5},"title":"Doctor’s Orders (by DJK)","author":"DJK","date":"May 9, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"Summary:\u00a0Ben and Adam face off over the doctor\u2019s orders. Rated:\u00a0K+\u00a0\u00a0 Word count:\u00a0887","rel":"","context":"In "Adam Cartwright"","block_context":{"text":"Adam Cartwright","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?cat=1005"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/adam_11.jpg?fit=796%2C638&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/adam_11.jpg?fit=796%2C638&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/adam_11.jpg?fit=796%2C638&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/adam_11.jpg?fit=796%2C638&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x"},"classes":[]}],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2341","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/4"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2341"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2341\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/376"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2341"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2341"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2341"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}