{"id":2367,"date":"2013-10-22T09:48:12","date_gmt":"2013-10-22T13:48:12","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=2367"},"modified":"2025-02-18T19:15:24","modified_gmt":"2025-02-19T00:15:24","slug":"leaving","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=2367","title":{"rendered":"Leaving (by Dodo)"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><span class=\"label\">Summary:\u00a0 <\/span>The wind of change is blowing across the Ponderosa.\u00a0 A story written for the October Chaps and Spurs Challenge using the words Indian, smoke, leaves, frost and summer.<\/p>\n<p><span class=\"label\">Rated:<\/span> K+\u00a0 Word Count:\u00a0 3585<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 Leaving<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>To anyone who knew the Cartwrights well and happened to look in on the Ponderosa that night, they would have been left scratching their heads in puzzlement and not a little confused at what they saw before them. For as the four men sat around the table it would have seemed more like they were in mourning and a wake was in progress, which would have left the onlooker even more baffled seeing as there hadn\u2019t been a close death in the family since the tragic loss of Marie more than nineteen years before.<\/p>\n<p>To be fair Ben had tried to hide his own feeling of misery that evening as Hop Sing served their dinner. Putting on a brave face he\u2019d attempted to keep the conversation light-hearted, making casual small talk about the unusually warm weather of the past few weeks which had brought with it an early and extraordinary show of apple blossom and budding of the leaves throughout the area.<\/p>\n<p>In fact it had been the main topic of conversation amongst most folk around, such was the unprecedented display. For it was almost as if Mother Nature had foolishly mistaken the month of February for May that year, and the persistent early morning frost on the ground was the only true indication spring was only paying a temporary visit and winter was no doubt lurking in the shadows, ready to pounce and put in an appearance yet again.<\/p>\n<p>But Ben soon realised his attempt at cheeriness was a lost cause. Adam, Hoss and Joe made it clear by their silence and hangdog expressions they were not interested in contributing to the witty and friendly banter which usually accompanied most meals on the Ponderosa. Instead they sat disconsolately as they played with their food and for once no one with much of an appetite.<\/p>\n<p>Later after they\u2019d all left the table Ben lit up his pipe and sank back in his chair, content to just watch and listen with the faintest of poignant smiles touching his mouth while his sons remained in continued low spirits; only uttering the barest of exchanges and for the most part just staring absently at the blazing wood fire in bittersweet companionable silence.<\/p>\n<p>At long last the grandfather clock struck twelve and desperately tired and unable to take the gloomy atmosphere any longer, Ben finally decided his best move would be to retire to bed.<\/p>\n<p>Laying a hand gently on the shoulder of each of his boys as he said goodnight Ben walked across the room then turned and looked back, simply taking in the scene as his eyes flitted from one to the other, lingering on his eldest for a few moments longer as if committing the sight to memory.<\/p>\n<p>Then with his head bowed, slowly and deliberately Ben trudged up the stairs, leaving the three men to finish off a bottle of their father\u2019s best Napoleon brandy together; the reason for their wretched melancholy never far from any of their minds.<\/p>\n<p>After entering his room and undressing into his nightshirt Ben sank down, enjoying the comfort of his feather mattress as he pulled up the covers and closed his eyes. But to his intense irritation he was still wide awake some time later when his sons finally called it a night themselves and made their way to bed. And overheard by their father all their whispered goodnights to each other had the choked quality of men trying hard to hold on to their self control; this realisation doing nothing to help the emotionally drained and weary Ben in his attempt to slumber.<\/p>\n<p>Eventually all went quiet again but after spending the next couple of hours tossing, turning and smoothing down his pillow on numerous occasions, Ben finally acknowledged he was no nearer sleeping than when he\u2019d first turned in at midnight. So with a resigned groan he gave up the fight and pulled back the quilt.<\/p>\n<p>Pushing off the bed Ben padded barefooted over to the window and drew back the curtains. As though it had been waiting for him to show his face, the faint glow of a full moon suddenly appeared behind a passing cloud. Briefly it caught Ben\u2019s attention and he realised straightaway its low position in the sky meant first light was not a long way off. He heaved an unhappy sigh.<\/p>\n<p>Ben\u2019s gaze then instinctively travelled towards the jagged outline of the snow covered peaks of the Sierras; a sight which had greeted him each day for nearly thirty years. A rogue thunderstorm could just be seen in the far distance, lightning leaping across the heavens followed by a reverberating roll of thunder.<\/p>\n<p>Usually such a magnificent display would have left Ben filled with awe and invigorated at the sight \u2013 but not tonight. Tonight he just gazed out, hardly seeing anything, barely hearing anything, just one thing on his mind.<\/p>\n<p>Shivering in the cold night air Ben crawled back into bed and pulled the covers tight up to his chin. He stared up at the darkened ceiling of his room, his mind swirling and feeling an ache in his heart and a pain so deep in his being he couldn\u2019t imagine it ever going away. For the dreaded date he\u2019d circled on his calendar all those months ago had finally arrived. He closed his eyes tight and swallowed hard. \u2018Stop it! Stop it now,\u2019 he lectured silently as he buried his face into the pillow to muffle a sob. \u2018There\u2019ll be plenty of time for this foolishness later on after he\u2019s gone.\u2019<\/p>\n<p>As if his stifled weeping had been a signal all of a sudden there was the unmistakable creak of a bedroom door opening and the sound of footsteps moving quietly down the passage before stopping directly in front of Ben\u2019s room.<\/p>\n<p>Intuitively Ben sensed who was there. Wiping his face dry he sat up and waited expectantly for a faint tap, the handle to turn and the familiar dark stubbly face of his eldest son looking in towards him in need again of some fatherly advice which couldn\u2019t wait. But seconds passed, a minute, and still the door remained closed. Then to Ben\u2019s disappointment a floorboard squeaked and the footsteps continued quietly on their way down the stairs.<\/p>\n<p>Ben sank back onto his pillows and waited patiently in case Adam changed his mind and decided to return. But after several minutes more there was no sign of him coming back. Curious Ben pushed himself off the bed yet again, slipped on his dressing gown and slippers and made his way into the darkened hallway.<\/p>\n<p>Carefully he felt his way along the all too familiar passage and down the first flight of steps. On the small landing he stopped and rested a hand on an old Indian blanket draped over the wooden handrail; the treasured gift presented to him by a grateful Paiute Chief many years before.<\/p>\n<p>For a few moments Ben stared down into the spacious sitting room as he accustomed his vision to the glow from a single oil lamp. Unobserved he held perfectly still, cherishing again into memory the sight of the fully dressed figure who was standing by the hearth, watching Adam obviously deep in thought as he sipped a cup of coffee and stared blankly towards the flickering flames of a newly made fire.<\/p>\n<p>Ben could see immediately his eldest\u2019s eyes were unusually moist and at any other time he would have put the cause down to the wood smoke as it curled its way up the chimney; but not today. Ben took a deep breath, swallowed hard then forced his lips to form a smile. \u201cMite early to be starting chores isn\u2019t it son?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Adam visibly started at his father\u2019s unexpected appearance as he lifted his gaze. \u201cCouldn\u2019t sleep Pa,\u201d he finally admitted, turning to look back to the hearth. \u201cSo I thought I\u2019d come down and make the fire, warm the place before everyone got up. You know, for the last time.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ben nodded as if understanding all too well. \u201cMind if I join you? I haven\u2019t been able to sleep myself and that coffee sure smells good.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cSure Pa. I\u2019d be happy of your company.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Needing no second bidding Ben joined his son and settled down into his comfortable old leather armchair as Adam poured out a fresh cup of coffee and passed it over. But instead of heading for his usual seat opposite, Adam sat near his father at the end of the settee, both men saying nothing as they took a few sips of the warming liquid.<\/p>\n<p>Ben was first to break the silence. \u201cAre you sure you\u2019ve packed everything you need? I wouldn\u2019t want you to leave anything important behind,\u201d he asked though already knowing the answer. For if nothing else Adam had always been painstakingly thorough and well organised and Ben had no reason to think anything had changed.<\/p>\n<p>Adam placed his cup down on the table and nodded. \u201cYep it\u2019s all done. I\u2019m just taking the essentials with me, but Joe\u2019s offered to deliver my trunk to the railhead in a few days and have it sent on. It\u2019ll probably arrive in Concord within the month so I won\u2019t be without most of my things for long.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ben sighed a little wistfully. \u201cNew Hampshire. Can\u2019t believe how long it\u2019s been since I was last there. Probably wouldn\u2019t recognise much of the area now,\u201d he admitted reflectively. \u201cBut you will be sure to try and visit your mother\u2019s grave and lay some flowers for me before the end of summer won\u2019t you son?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Adam\u2019s face softened. He knew one of his father\u2019s biggest regrets in life was the fact he\u2019d never had the opportunity to return and visit his first wife\u2019s final resting place and so was more than happy to comply with his request. He beamed an understanding smile. \u201cOf course I will Pa. It\u2019ll be my first port of call once I get settled and find my feet. I promise.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ben nodded. \u201cThank you,\u201d he whispered appreciatively, his heart lurching to think in a few short hours he might never see that smile again.<\/p>\n<p>Consciously forcing the thought away Ben picked up the pot and refilled his cup. And as silence once more ensued the quiet of the room was only disturbed by the grandfather clock ticking noisily by the front door. Ben turned his eyes towards it and gave an involuntary shudder as he noted the time. It seemed to be going far too quickly he silently mused and gazed back at his son with a sigh.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cKinda reminds me of old times when you\u2019d just arrived back from college,\u201d he finally said, giving a faint smile of recollection. \u201cThe pair of us sitting together, drinking coffee in the early hours as you told me everything you\u2019d done and seen during your time in Massachusetts and your plans to improve just about everything on the Ponderosa. Remember?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Adam gave a gentle laugh of shame. \u201cYeah I remember Pa. I really thought I knew it all back then though I soon realised I knew so little. How did you all manage to put up with me for so long while I acted like such a pompous, know it all?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ben made no attempt to answer that question straightaway, just staring at his son and delighting in the closeness between them and wishing it could last forever. \u201cI\u2019ve never remembered you like that Adam,\u201d he eventually answered. \u201cAll I saw was a fresh-faced young man with vision and ideas that were to help the Ponderosa flourish and prosper more than I\u2019d ever thought possible. A man who made and continues to make me very proud.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Adam lowered his gaze with embarrassment. \u201cI mean it son,\u201d Ben reiterated in a tender tone, then a thought came to him. \u201cYou looked as though you were doing some serious thinking when I came down the stairs. Is there something bothering you about your travel plans?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Adam looked up and frowned questioningly. \u201cMy plans?\u201d He shook his head. \u201cNo\u2026no that\u2019s not it Pa,\u201d he replied hesitatingly but before Ben could question further Adam rose from his chair and after picking up a poker and giving the fire a prod stared distractedly into the flames for a few moments.<\/p>\n<p>Ben patiently waited, saying nothing but just watching until Adam placed the iron back on the hearth and turned towards him. \u201cWant to talk about it son?\u201d he then inquired.<\/p>\n<p>Adam considered for a moment and nodded. \u201cTruth is Pa I\u2019ve been so wrapped up with my plans lately I hadn\u2019t given it much thought until now. But I need you to know this before it\u2019s too late. If you don\u2019t think you can manage without me, if you really need me to stay, then you only have to say the word and I won\u2019t leave. You know that don\u2019t you?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Studying his son\u2019s solemn face for a moment Ben swallowed hard. How easy it would be to now shout out the words that had been racing around his mind for the past months. Here was the perfect opportunity. \u2018Yes! Yes! You must stay! Stay by my side, as you\u2019ve been for as long as we can both remember.\u2019<\/p>\n<p>But instead Ben just gave a faint smile. \u201cI know son, but you don\u2019t need to worry about a thing. Both your brothers have shown more than once they are quite capable of taking care of me and the ranch. And besides, after what you gave up for us all those years ago there\u2019s no way I\u2019d attempt to stop you leaving this time. I haven\u2019t the right.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Adam frowned quizzically as he returned to his seat. \u201cGave up? I don\u2019t understand what you mean Pa.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ben\u2019s lips curved into a sad half smile of regret. \u201cIt\u2019s been nearly fifteen years since you graduated from college. Fifteen years since you had the world at your feet and could have gone anywhere and done anything. But instead of letting you go off to follow your own dream as I truly should have done, I wrote you to come back here and help me run the ranch instead. And to your credit you agreed, willingly and without argument; something I can\u2019t thank you enough for.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Adam shook his head. \u201cBut Pa I don\u2019t need your gratitude. You\u2019ve always taught us family comes before everything else and I\u2019ve never regretted for one day giving up a life back there to return home. Surely you must realise that after all this time?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ben looked up at him thoughtfully for a moment. \u201cYes I know son,\u201d he finally admitted with a sigh. \u201cBut as soon as I\u2019d put pen to paper, I knew I was being selfish in asking you to come back. Yet still I sent the letter and I\u2019ve felt guilty about it ever since. So from the moment you stepped off the stage from Boston all those years ago I swore I\u2019d never again put the interests of the Ponderosa above any of my sons\u2019 wishes and desires and so far I\u2019ve managed to keep that promise.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ben paused and with a soft smile patted Adam\u2019s arm affectionately. \u201cOf course I don\u2019t want you to go. Your brothers don\u2019t want you to go. We\u2019re going to miss you, more than you\u2019ll ever know. But I\u2019m not going to stand in your way and ask you to stay. Not this time. Not again.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Genuinely grateful eyes met those of his father. \u201cThanks Pa. And believe me I\u2019m going to miss you too\u2026and Hoss and Joe. But I promise you one day I\u2019ll come back and\u2026.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ben stopped him in mid sentence with a shake of the head, knowing instinctively what he was about to say. \u201cNo son. Don\u2019t say another word,\u201d he instructed then took a deep calming breath. \u201cThis is your home and always will be. But the time has come for you to leave us all behind and follow your own destiny, wherever it takes you, how ever long it takes you. So I don\u2019t want you promising or feeling obliged or beholden to return when deep in both our hearts we know this is not where you want to be anymore.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Unable to find his voice as his throat tightened with emotion Adam pushed himself up and paced the floor for several minutes.<\/p>\n<p>It was almost six months to the day since he\u2019d received a letter from an old college friend, offering him the chance to join a well established architectural practice with numerous offices covering New England. But from the moment since he\u2019d first considered the offer Adam now felt as though a great weight had been suddenly lifted from his shoulders. For after receiving his father\u2019s blessing he felt free at last \u2013 free from family constraints and obligations &#8211; free to begin the career given up all those years ago before it had a chance to begin. Free to leave.<\/p>\n<p>With his eyes unusually moist he returned his gaze towards his father. \u201cPa. I just don\u2019t know what to say anymore.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ben gave a tender smile and rose from his chair. \u201cThen say nothing son,\u201d he said softly, longing to embrace him as if intuitively sensing it may well be the last chance he\u2019d ever have. However Ben held back. For Adam had never been one for outward shows of emotion within the family, keeping his feelings to himself for the most part and happily leaving such sentimentality to his youngest brother over the years.<\/p>\n<p>But to Ben\u2019s surprise and delight Adam unexpectedly moved forward and allowed himself to be gathered gently into his arms; the close physical contact equally enjoyed as Ben held his eldest tight in the sort of close hug only a loving father could give a much cherished son, and their joint action saying more than words could ever express.<\/p>\n<p>Suddenly a shaft of sunlight flooded through the wooden slatted shutters fixed to the window. The grandfather clock struck five times. Dawn was finally breaking \u2013 time had run out.<\/p>\n<p>Slowly and reluctantly the two men pulled apart.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cGuess I\u2019d better go get dressed so we can make an early start,\u201d Ben said, though there was something different about his voice now\u2026a kind of quiet resignation. \u201cDon\u2019t want to risk you missing your stage connection.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>He turned to go when suddenly there was a loud thud and instinctively both looked up, both from past experience knowing the reason for the noise.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cWould seem brother Hoss is awake and on the move,\u201d Adam smiled, glad of the distraction as he wiped a drying sleeve across his face. \u201cOne of these days I\u2019m sure he\u2019s going to come through the ceiling and bring the house down.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cWell if he does I know a first class architect I can call upon to design and build me a new one,\u201d Ben quipped as he made for the stairs.<\/p>\n<p>However as his father\u2019s comment sank in Adam fell back down on to his chair as the enormity of what he was heading towards suddenly hit him. \u201cWhat have I been thinking Pa? It\u2019s been years since I\u2019ve had to design anything significant and sizeable,\u201d he murmured in a rare display of self-doubt as he buried his face in his hands. \u201cWhat if I let everyone down and end up making a fool of myself? What if I fail?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ben paused on the bottom step. Under normal circumstances he would have dismissed his eldest son\u2019s apparent lack of confidence as a contrived joke. But not this time. \u201cThere\u2019s no way on this earth you\u2019ll ever let yourself or anyone else down Adam,\u201d he assured. \u201cYou\u2019re going to be one of the most successful architects on the East coast\u2026.maybe the whole country! I just know it.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Adam gave out a loud sigh, wanting to believe but still not totally convinced. \u201cThanks for the vote of confidence Pa but how can you be so sure of something like that?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ben shook his head and stared his beloved son straight in the eye while wagging a finger towards him. \u201cConsidering you\u2019re the only one who went to college around here you sometimes can act real dumb for a smart fella,\u201d he said, pretending vexation but softening his words with a broad smile. \u201cBecause you\u2019re a Cartwright Adam. Isn\u2019t that\u2019s reason enough? And don\u2019t you ever forget it!\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Still beaming under his son\u2019s gaze Ben disappeared up the stairs and out of sight. But in the safety of his room the mask finally fell and Ben\u2019s face suddenly became etched with a sadness rarely seen as the heartbreaking realisation life on the Ponderosa after today would never be the same for him, ever again.<\/p>\n<p>Meanwhile with his thumbs hooked through his belt, Adam stared after his father for several long moments; his words ringing in his ears. \u201cNo Pa, that\u2019s something I won\u2019t ever forget,\u201d he finally declared with a slow smile. \u201cI wouldn\u2019t dare. Not in a million years.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>And as his expression transformed into a full blown grin, Adam\u2019s eyes once more lit up with confidence, self belief and anticipation, content to know that after today life as he\u2019d known it would never be the same, ever again.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>The End<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<div class=\"pvc_clear\"><\/div>\n<p id=\"pvc_stats_2367\" class=\"pvc_stats all  \" data-element-id=\"2367\" style=\"\"><i class=\"pvc-stats-icon medium\" aria-hidden=\"true\"><svg xmlns=\"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\" version=\"1.0\" viewBox=\"0 0 502 315\" preserveAspectRatio=\"xMidYMid meet\"><g transform=\"translate(0,332) scale(0.1,-0.1)\" fill=\"\" stroke=\"none\"><path d=\"M2394 3279 l-29 -30 -3 -207 c-2 -182 0 -211 15 -242 39 -76 157 -76 196 0 15 31 17 60 15 243 l-3 209 -33 29 c-26 23 -41 29 -80 29 -41 0 -53 -5 -78 -31z\"\/><path d=\"M3085 3251 c-45 -19 -58 -50 -96 -229 -47 -217 -49 -260 -13 -295 52 -53 146 -42 177 20 16 31 87 366 87 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-42z\"\/><path d=\"M2375 1950 c-198 -44 -350 -190 -395 -379 -18 -76 -8 -221 19 -290 114 -284 457 -406 731 -260 98 52 188 154 231 260 27 69 37 214 19 290 -38 163 -166 304 -326 360 -67 23 -215 33 -279 19z\"\/><\/g><\/svg><\/i> <img data-recalc-dims=\"1\" loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"16\" height=\"16\" alt=\"Loading\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/plugins\/page-views-count\/ajax-loader-2x.gif?resize=16%2C16&#038;ssl=1\" border=0 \/><\/p>\n<div class=\"pvc_clear\"><\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Summary:\u00a0 The wind of change is blowing across the Ponderosa.\u00a0 A story written for the October Chaps and Spurs Challenge using the words Indian, smoke, leaves, frost and summer.<\/p>\n<p>Rated: K+\u00a0 Word Count:\u00a0 3585<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"template-full-width-post.php","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[39,23],"tags":[14,15],"class_list":["post-2367","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-chaps-spurs","category-drama","tag-adam-cartwright","tag-ben","wpcat-39-id","wpcat-23-id"],"a3_pvc":{"activated":true,"total_views":1227,"today_views":0},"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":4460,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=4460","url_meta":{"origin":2367,"position":0},"title":"The Gift (by JoeC)","author":"JoeC","date":"April 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