{"id":2483,"date":"2004-09-15T22:04:31","date_gmt":"2004-09-16T02:04:31","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=2483"},"modified":"2025-02-27T12:09:25","modified_gmt":"2025-02-27T17:09:25","slug":"the-journey-2","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=2483","title":{"rendered":"The Journey (by Rona)"},"content":{"rendered":"

Summary:\u00a0 <\/strong>An accident forces Joe to embark upon a journey he had never expected to take.\u00a0 <\/span><\/p>\n

Rated:\u00a0 T \u00a0(11,075 words)
\n<\/span><\/p>\n

Disclaimer:\u00a0All publicly recognizable characters and settings are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.<\/span><\/p>\n

The Journey<\/strong><\/p>\n

It was day four. Joe was no longer sure what day of the week it actually was; he just knew it was day four of the hardest cattle drive he had ever been on. He adjusted the bandanna over his nose and mouth, but it didn\u2019t stop the dust insinuating itself into his nasal passages. He sneezed once more and then began to cough. He hated riding drag. He was coated in dust and so was his mount, the black and white coat obscured beneath the beige powder that Joe knew \u2013 from bitter experience \u2013 would be caking his body, too.<\/span><\/p>\n

The Cartwright herd was vast that year \u2013 the biggest it had ever been. The profit on this drive was expected to be about $70,000. That was great for the ranch and Joe knew his father was excited about the big profit, but the logistics of getting a huge number of stubborn cattle to Sacramento was taking the shine off for them all.<\/span><\/p>\n

By the time they stopped for the night and the herd was settled, Joe was so tired that his eyelashes ached. He dismounted stiffly at the horse lines and slowly unsaddled Cochise. The pinto was tired, too, standing with his head down. Joe got his feed and started to brush the dust out of his coat. He began to cough as the dust caught in his throat once more.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cHere,\u201d said a deep voice and a hand took the brush from Joe. \u201cYou go and sit down, Joe.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cBut, Pa,\u201d Joe began, but Ben was having none of it.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ll tend to your horse, Joe,\u201d Ben repeated. \u201cGo get washed up and have something to eat. You\u2019re tired.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cSo are you,\u201d Joe objected hoarsely. \u201cI\u2019m fine, Pa, honest.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Smiling, Ben took Joe by the shoulders, turned him in the direction of the chuck wagon and gave him a small tap on the butt. \u201cDo what you\u2019re told, boy!\u201d he ordered sternly. \u201cSit down before you fall down.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Recognizing an immovable object when he met one, Joe obediently tottered off to the chuck wagon where Cookie had hot water for him to wash in and a plate of hot stew. It was only when he sat down and stopped moving that Joe realized how utterly exhausted he was. He had had early watch that morning and had been up since 3am.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYou all right, Joe?\u201d Adam asked, observing the partially closed eyes as Joe slowly ate his meal. Adam was bone tired himself.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cMmm,\u201d Joe agreed. \u201cYou?\u201d He glanced at both his brothers, who had reached the coffee stage.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI ain\u2019t bin so tired since\u2026 since\u2026\u201d Hoss began.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cSince last year?\u201d Adam suggested, laconically.<\/span><\/p>\n

Joe sniggered as Hoss glared at their older brother. Every year, Hoss told them he couldn\u2019t remember when he had last been so tired. Adam always had some retort ready for him and Hoss always glared at him. It didn\u2019t seem to affect Adam in the slightest.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m gonna git some shut-eye,\u201d Hoss announced.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cSounds like a good idea,\u201d Ben agreed, coming into the circle of the firelight. \u201cI think we should all get some sleep.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWhat about the night watches?\u201d Adam asked.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYou go on at midnight, Adam,\u201d Ben replied. \u201cHoss, you take the 3am shift.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWhat about me?\u201d Joe mumbled around the last mouthful of his supper.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYou get some sleep,\u201d Ben replied.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI can do my share!\u201d Joe responded, indignantly.<\/span><\/p>\n

Sighing, Ben nodded. \u201cI know you can, son, but don\u2019t forget, you\u2019ve been sick.\u201d Joe had just got over a nasty chest infection and although he was better, Ben knew that he still tended to tire more easily than usual. \u201cDon\u2019t worry, Joe, you\u2019ll do your share of the watch, but you had the 3am shift last night and Hoss got to sleep right through.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cAll right,\u201d Joe agreed, as though he had had a choice in the matter, Ben thought, amused. \u201cI guess it\u2019ll be nice to sleep all night.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Both of Joe\u2019s brothers hid a smile at this attempt to prove that he wasn\u2019t exhausted. \u201cThen I\u2019ll turn in, too,\u201d Adam commented. \u201cNight.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cG\u2019night, Pa,\u201d Joe yawned as he rose to find his own bedroll.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cGood night, boys,\u201d Ben replied. He was just as tired as his sons and within a short time, they were all soundly asleep, despite Hoss\u2019 vigorous snoring.<\/span><\/p>\n

*************************<\/span><\/p>\n

Morning came far too soon for Joe, but he did his best to rise without complaining too much and by the end of his second cup of coffee, he was feeling a lot more human. Hoss, yawning widely, joined Joe for breakfast, but little was said. Everyone was saving their energy for the hard day ahead of them.<\/span><\/p>\n

It was as Joe arrived to relieve the man who had been standing watch at the back of the herd that he realized that the man was not there. Cursing, for who knew how far the cattle might have strayed, Joe turned back. \u201cPa!\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWhat is it, Joe?\u201d Ben asked, frowning. The day hadn\u2019t got started yet. What could Joe want?<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cThe man who was watching drag is gone,\u201d Joe reported.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cDamn!\u201d Ben swore and it was a measure of his anger that he used the word.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ll go and see if any of the herd has strayed,\u201d Joe told him and rode off before Ben could say another word.<\/span><\/p>\n

It was quite commonplace for men to abruptly leave on cattle drives. Joe could completely understand it. However, it made everyone else\u2019s job more difficult. For each man that left, another man would have to stand an extra shift without sleep. That everyone took it in turns didn\u2019t make the lack of sleep any easier to bear and if the desertions got to epidemic proportions \u2013 as they might \u2013 it made life extremely tough for those left behind.<\/span><\/p>\n

It was even tougher for the Cartwrights. As the owners of the ranch (technicalities like the boys working for Ben, and not being co-owners by-passed the men completely) they felt obliged to take on the extra load themselves. Occasionally, that had resulted in one or another of them falling ill through sheer exhaustion. Ben sent a quiet prayer winging heavenwards that no more men would sneak away in the night.<\/span><\/p>\n

It didn\u2019t take long for the few straying cattle to be brought back. Joe took up his position at the back of the herd, wondering why he had done his best to become a good drag rider. It really was the worst position. However, when Joe had first been allowed to come along on a cattle drive, Ben had been determined that Joe would learn to ride every position, so that he knew exactly what each job entailed. Joe was good at each position, but as he got older, he became the regular drag rider. It was a compliment, but one which Joe would cheerfully have done without.<\/span><\/p>\n

To begin with, that day was dusty, but about noon, the rain came on. By nightfall, Joe was frozen to the marrow, his cold hands tucked under the pinto\u2019s mane for warmth. Riding into camp, Joe settled his horse for the night and headed for the chuck wagon. He took the bowl of hot stew gladly, not caring that it was the same kind as the previous night. Five days into a cattle drive, the men didn\u2019t care what they ate, as long as it was hot and plentiful.<\/span><\/p>\n

As he finished the last scraps out of his bowl, Ben came up. \u201cJoe, you\u2019re got first watch tonight,\u201d he ordered. \u201cFred will relieve you at 1am.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s later than usual,\u201d Adam commented. He had seen the frown growing on Joe\u2019s face and spoke to divert an outburst from the tired young man.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI know,\u201d Ben sighed. He looked tired. \u201cBut this way, nobody had to do a complete extra shift. If we make each shift a bit longer, then everyone does the same amount of work as before.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cMakes sense,\u201d Hoss agreed.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ll get my second horse,\u201d Joe commented hoarsely and handed his dirty plate to Cookie. \u201cTell Fred not to be late,\u201d he added to Ben, who clapped a hand onto Joe\u2019s shoulder.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cNo promises,\u201d Ben laughed.<\/span><\/p>\n

*****************************<\/span><\/p>\n

Day six dawned in rain, as day five had ended. The rain had kept up all night. Despite his oiled rain slicker, Joe\u2019s pants were still wet from mid-thigh down. He wasn\u2019t alone. Everyone was cold and wet and tempers were short. When Joe had bumped Adam\u2019s elbow at breakfast, Ben had thought the two men were going to be at each other\u2019s throats as Adam growled, \u201cWatch it!\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cSor-ry!\u201d Joe snapped back.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYou almost spilt my coffee into my lap!\u201d Adam shot back.<\/span><\/p>\n

It was Hoss who added as peacemaker, in his own inimitable style. \u201cWell, at least yer legs would a bin warm,\u201d he mused and both Adam and Joe shot him a look of total disbelief before looking at each other and bursting out laughing.<\/span><\/p>\n

Both the bickering and the laughter were forgotten as they got under way. That day, they had a river to cross and it was wide and fast flowing. As Ben approached it, he could see that the level had risen since he had had Fred scout ahead yesterday. The river wasn\u2019t too deep, but there was more water, which meant it was flowing faster. They would have to keep a sharper eye than usual for trouble.<\/span><\/p>\n

After the initial reluctance of the cattle to go into the river, they finally had the herd moving forward. Adam went downstream, and kept Sport facing into the current, ready to turn any animal that headed too far downriver. There were some large rocks and rapids a short distance downriver from the ford. So far, there hadn\u2019t been a single head lost, and Ben intended to keep it that way.<\/span><\/p>\n

By the time Joe joined Adam in the river, Sport was getting tired. He had been in the water for over half an hour. When a recalcitrant steer suddenly decided that it was not going to follow its fellows onto the far bank, Adam turned his horse to meet it. Sport reacted sluggishly, tossing his head about.<\/span><\/p>\n

Suddenly, the steer staggered, caught in a slightly faster current. It bashed into Sport, who staggered, missed his footing and went down. Adam was thrown in the sudden movement. He disappeared into the cold water, inhaling a mouthful as he went under.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cAdam!\u201d Joe cried, alerting everyone else to the problem.<\/span><\/p>\n

Turning his head sharply, Ben was just in time to see Joe launch himself from Cochise\u2019s back and vanish into the cold water. \u201cNo!\u201d Ben cried, but he was too late. Two of his sons were in the water and being rapidly washed downstream towards the rapids.<\/span><\/p>\n

In the water, Adam was coughing, and struggling to make any headway against the current. The river was particularly fast flowing at that point and getting choppy. A splash hit Adam in the face and he swallowed another mouthful of water. He choked.<\/span><\/p>\n

Suddenly a strong hand was on his shoulder, grabbing his shirt and pulling him up. Turning his head, Adam blinked water out of his eyes and was surprised \u2013 and yet not surprised \u2013 to see that his rescuer was Joe. \u201cI\u2019ve got you, Adam,\u201d Joe panted, hoisting his coughing brother further out of the water and supporting him against his shoulder.<\/span><\/p>\n

Now that he had a hold of Adam, all Joe had to do was swim to the bank and there someone would haul them to safety. But that was easier said than done. They had been swept quite a bit downriver by now and Joe belatedly realized that they were approaching the rapids. Joe\u2019s legs bumped bruisingly against submerged rocks.<\/span><\/p>\n

Looking up to see how far away from the bank they were, Joe saw a partially-submerged branch heading towards them. He felt Adam react, frantically flailing his arms and legs to propel them along more quickly. Joe was knocked off his stroke and the current caught them. There was a sickening impact and pain exploded throughout Joe\u2019s body. He lost his grip on Adam and the last thing he was aware of was water rushing into his nose and mouth.<\/span><\/p>\n

*****************************<\/span><\/p>\n

Racing down the bank of the river, both Ben and Hoss tracked the progress that Joe and Adam made against the current. They were just beginning to relax when the branch appeared. Suddenly, behind Joe, they saw a large rock sticking out of the water. Their warning shouts went unheard over the noise of the river.<\/span><\/p>\n

Throwing himself from his horse, Hoss charged into the water, catching Adam under the arm and all but throwing him at Ben. Then he turned to Joe, who had sunk under the water, clearly unconscious after being caught between Adam and the large rock. The force of the water had hurled both men against it with a terrifying thud. Joe\u2019s body had cushioned Adam\u2019s.<\/span><\/p>\n

As he pulled the limp body of his younger brother into his arms, Hoss knew that he had to be very careful moving Joe. He had no idea how badly injured his brother was, but they couldn\u2019t leave him in the water. Moving with infinite care, Hoss waded slowly to the bank, where both Ben and a very shaken Adam waited to help him ashore.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cIs Joe\u2026?\u201d Ben asked, as Hoss knelt and laid Joe carefully on the grass.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI dunno,\u201d Hoss replied, panting.<\/span><\/p>\n

Kneeling, Ben bent over, putting his head on Joe\u2019s chest. His son\u2019s heart was beating erratically, but strongly and he was breathing. Joe convulsed suddenly and Ben swiftly rolled his son onto his side so that Joe could vomit up the water he had swallowed. Thanks to Hoss\u2019 fast reactions, Joe had not been in the water long enough to inhale any.<\/span><\/p>\n

Rolling Joe gently back, Ben felt his limbs for any injury. There was a definite knot on the back of Joe\u2019s head, but there didn\u2019t seem to have been any bleeding. In fact, Ben couldn\u2019t find any obvious injury and was just starting to relax as Joe moaned and moved his head slightly.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cJoe?\u201d Ben questioned. \u201cJoe, can you hear me?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cHurts,\u201d Joe gasped, without opening his eyes. He groaned and moved uncomfortably.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWhat hurts, Joe?\u201d Ben asked, exchanging worried glances with his older sons.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cMy\u2026 back,\u201d Joe panted, briefly opening pain-filled green eyes to peer through soaked lashes at his father. \u201cOh, Pa\u2026 it hurts,\u201d he whimpered.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cJoe, I\u2019m sorry, but I\u2019m going to have to move you to look at your back,\u201d Ben told him. He brushed the sodden curls off Joe\u2019s forehead. Joe had his eyes closed once more, his face screwed up in pain. \u201cDon\u2019t you try to move; let us do the work.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Taking the grunt he got as an affirmative, Ben nodded to Hoss and Adam, who positioned themselves by Joe. Trying to keep him as straight as possible, they rolled him carefully onto his side and Ben tugged the soaking shirt from Joe\u2019s pants and pulled it upwards, exposing Joe\u2019s back to the air.<\/span><\/p>\n

At once, goose pimples rose across Joe\u2019s golden skin, but none of them noticed that. Ben\u2019s utter stillness and complete silence told both Adam and Hoss that there was something wrong and they craned their necks to see.<\/span><\/p>\n

The skin on Joe\u2019s back was darkening even as they watched. His back was swelling rapidly. When Ben touched gentle fingers to the worst of the swelling at Joe\u2019s waist, the young man let out an involuntary cry. The marks of Ben\u2019s fingers lingered longer than they should.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWe\u2019re going to roll you back now, Joe,\u201d Ben said, after a moment, hoping his voice didn\u2019t give him away. Joe showed no signs of realizing that there was something desperately wrong. His eyes were closed and he was breathing in short gasps through his teeth, trying to keep the pain under control.<\/span><\/p>\n

Kneeling there on the riverbank, Ben had no idea what to do. Joe was hurt and they were miles from anywhere. What were they going to do?<\/span><\/p>\n

*******************************<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cThe chuck wagon,\u201d Hoss said, quietly.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWhat?\u201d Adam snapped. He was shivering in the rising wind. His legs felt shaky and he slid abruptly from his knees to his butt, looking surprised as he did so.<\/span><\/p>\n

At once, Hoss moved round and supported Adam. \u201cJoe can lie flat in the chuck wagon,\u201d he elucidated. \u201cIf\u2019n we keep movin\u2019, we should reach Sacramento tomorra. Joe can see a doctor there.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cIf the rain keeps up like this, it\u2019ll slow the herd down,\u201d Ben objected. \u201cWe might not reach Sacramento tomorrow.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Impatiently, Hoss waved away Ben\u2019s objections. \u201cPa, it don\u2019t matter if\u2019n the herd don\u2019 get there tomorra,\u201d he explained. \u201cAdam an\u2019 I\u2019ll keep the herd going. But ya an\u2019 Joe can git there, no problem.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cThere is one problem,\u201d Adam muttered, shivering harder. \u201cWhat are we going to do for food if Pa has commandeered the chuck wagon?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWe use a pack horse,\u201d Hoss replied. He guessed that the cold was affecting Adam\u2019s thinking. \u201cThe men\u2019ll unnerstand.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s the best solution,\u201d Ben agreed, his face haggard with worry. He had a tight hold of Joe\u2019s hand. \u201cAdam, are you all right?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYes, just shaky,\u201d Adam replied. He pushed his dripping hair out of his face and looked at Joe, feeling guilty that his brother had been injured helping him out. \u201cHow\u2019re you doing, Joe?\u201d he asked.<\/span><\/p>\n

For a moment, Joe\u2019s eyes opened again. \u201cI\u2019m all right,\u201d he lied. He shivered. \u201cI\u2019m cold,\u201d he complained.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cMe, too,\u201d Adam agreed.<\/span><\/p>\n

Rising, Hoss took the bedroll from his saddle and Ben\u2019s and draped the rough wool over both his brothers. \u201cI\u2019ll go an\u2019 git things ready, Pa,\u201d he offered. \u201cYa stay here. I\u2019ll be real quick.\u201d He mounted Chubb and rode off.<\/span><\/p>\n

****************************<\/span><\/p>\n

As the wool blanket was tucked in around him, Joe sighed slightly. The cold wind was no longer dancing over him, bringing goose pimples to his exposed skin. He didn\u2019t yet feel any warmer, but he hoped he would soon. Another shiver shook him and he bit his lip to stop crying out with the pain. He had a tight hold of Ben\u2019s hand and that comforted him, but Joe was afraid. He knew there was something wrong with his back; he had known from the stunned silence around him and from Ben\u2019s voice. But the thing that frightened Joe most was that although he could feel his legs, he couldn\u2019t move them at all.<\/span><\/p>\n

Terror and a spasm of pain that shot down his back and legs caused a cry to slip from Joe\u2019s control and he involuntarily tightened his grip on Ben\u2019s hand. Immediately, he could sense his father leaning over him and opened his eyes, drinking in the comfort he saw in the form of love flowing from those dark eyes. \u201cSorry,\u201d he whispered.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019ve got nothing to be sorry for, Joe,\u201d Ben told him, his voice a caress that warmed Joe to the bottom of his heart. \u201cI\u2019m just sorry we don\u2019t have anything to give you to help with the pain.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ll be\u2026 all right,\u201d Joe replied, trying to smile.<\/span><\/p>\n

His son\u2019s bravery caught at Ben\u2019s heart and he had to hastily blink back tears. Joe\u2019s courage tore at Adam\u2019s guilt-ridden heart and he felt worse than ever. He patted Joe\u2019s shoulder, an unusual gesture from the normally reserved man. Joe shot a glance at him, but Adam was sitting above Joe\u2019s head and he couldn\u2019t really see him. \u201cYou\u2019re\u2026 wet,\u201d he commented, trying valiantly to sound normal.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cSo are you,\u201d Adam retorted, trying to smile.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cHmm,\u201d Joe agreed and closed his eyes again. Somehow, the pain was easier to bear this way. Gradually, the warmth of the blanket lulled the injured man into sleep.<\/span><\/p>\n

As soon as it was apparent that Joe was sleeping, Ben sat back, carefully tucking Joe\u2019s hand beneath the blanket. He glanced at Adam, trying to assess if his oldest son was hiding an injury. \u201cAdam, are you sure you\u2019re all right?\u201d he asked quietly.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m so sorry, Pa,\u201d Adam replied, his eyes down. \u201cThis is all my fault.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s not your fault,\u201d Ben assured him.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYes it is,\u201d Adam argued.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cNo its not,\u201d Ben chided him gently. \u201cAdam.\u201d He waited until Adam looked at him. \u201cDid you deliberately fall into the river?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cNo,\u201d Adam admitted. \u201cBut\u2026\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cDid you pull Joe into the water, or tell him to go after you?\u201d Ben persisted, not allowing his son time to speak.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cNo, but\u2026\u201d Adam tried again, but Ben kept talking over the top of him.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cDid you deliberately cause Joe to hit that rock while avoiding the branch that you miraculously conjured up?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

By now, there was almost a hint of a smile on Adam\u2019s face. \u201cNo, of course not,\u201d he replied.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cThen how can it be your fault?\u201d Ben demanded. \u201cThe whole thing has been a series of unfortunate accidents and we\u2019ve just been lucky that neither you nor Joe was killed.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019re right, of course,\u201d Adam conceded after a moment. \u201cI wasn\u2019t thinking straight.\u201d He squared his shoulders. \u201cTrust Joe to come after me,\u201d he murmured, looking down at his little brother with more tenderness than he would usually show.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYes,\u201d Ben replied, softly, putting his hand on Adam\u2019s shoulder. \u201cYou can trust Joe to come after you. We all can.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

*********************************<\/span><\/p>\n

A spasm of pain in his back dragged Joe from sleep. His eyes shot open, but Ben was there at once, soothing him in all the old familiar ways. Joe relaxed as much as he could and lay back down. His legs were cold and Joe tried to move them, but there was no response. He swallowed a sob.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cHere\u2019s Hoss,\u201d Adam said, and there was a certain amount of relief in his voice.<\/span><\/p>\n

Turning his head, Joe saw Hoss climbing down from the wagon seat and wondered why his brother had brought the chuck wagon. \u201cAre we\u2026 stopping here for\u2026 the night?\u201d Joe asked.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cNo, you\u2019re going to lie in the wagon,\u201d Ben told him, smiling. \u201cTomorrow, we\u2019ll reach Sacramento and you can see the doctor there.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

The fear was back, clutching at Joe\u2019s heart with icy fingers. How could he face never being able to walk again? How could he bring himself to tell a strange doctor that he couldn\u2019t move his legs when he couldn\u2019t even tell his Pa that?<\/span><\/p>\n

Something in Joe\u2019s face caught Ben\u2019s attention and he leant closer. \u201cJoe what\u2019s wrong?\u201d he asked, anxiously. \u201cAre you in pain?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cSome,\u201d Joe mumbled.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWe\u2019ll try not to hurt you when we move you,\u201d Ben assured him, assuming that this was what was troubling his son. \u201cEverything will be ready in a minute.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cAll right,\u201d Joe replied, helplessly, unable to form the words that would tell Ben of his real fear. Joe wasn\u2019t sure why he was incapable of telling. Was it his pride which held him silent? Or the memory of the few people he had known who used rolling chairs and the unkind things that had been said about them. Most people equated being chair bound with mental retardation. Joe didn\u2019t know if he could face that.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cAll right, Joe, we\u2019re ready,\u201d Ben told him. A blanket was laid on the ground next to him. \u201cWe\u2019re going to move you onto this blanket and then lift you into the wagon, all right?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cAll right,\u201d Joe replied, hoarsely. He could feel his muscles tense up in preparation for the pain he knew he was going to feel.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cThis is going to hurt,\u201d Adam commented, gently. \u201cCould you move your legs over a bit? That would make it easier for us.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cNo,\u201d Joe replied, almost inaudibly.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWhat?\u201d Adam asked. \u201cI didn\u2019t hear you, Joe. Move your legs.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI can\u2019t,\u201d Joe responded, louder this time. And suddenly the words were spewing from him. \u201cI can\u2019t, Adam! I can\u2019t move my legs!\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

The shout had shocked them all. Joe looked round at the three faces above him and saw the same expression on each face. He felt a dizzying combination of nausea and relief and closed his eyes to shut out the pity and the pain. Joe didn\u2019t know why he should feel guilty, but he was suddenly unable to meet anyone\u2019s eyes.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cJoe.\u201d It was Ben\u2019s voice, as gentle as ever, with no hint of pity in it. \u201cJoe, open your eyes.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Slowly, Joe opened his eyes. Ben still looked shocked, but there was no hint of pity there. \u201cJoe, can you feel your legs at all?\u201d The question was deliberately matter of fact, and no one but Ben ever knew what it cost him to ask it.<\/span><\/p>\n

Swallowing, Joe replied, \u201cI can feel them; they just won\u2019t move.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Nodding, unsure if Joe was just telling him what he wanted to hear or not, Ben allowed one hand to drop naturally to his side and then he pinched Joe\u2019s thigh \u2013 hard. Joe flinched and made a sound of protest. \u201cSorry,\u201d Ben apologized. \u201cI just wanted to see how much feeling you have.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cSurely it\u2019s good that Joe has feeling?\u201d Adam queried.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI think so,\u201d Ben replied. \u201cBut I\u2019m no doctor. Come on, let\u2019s get Joe settled and then we can get moving. Every mile we travel today is a mile closer to Sacramento and that doctor\u2019s office.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Before long, Joe was settled in the back of the wagon and he closed his eyes. He was overwhelmed with relief that his secret was out. As the wagon began to jolt slowly over the ground, Joe clenched his jaw against the pain. It was going to be a long journey to Sacramento.<\/span><\/p>\n

************************<\/span><\/p>\n

Joe could hear the noise of the herd somewhere outside the wagon. The patch of sky he could see out of the back was dark. A fire flickered at the very edge of Joe\u2019s vision and he could hear the low, monotonous song the cowboys sang to the cattle to keep them calm and settled all night.<\/span><\/p>\n

The sounds were familiar and should have been comforting and yet Joe felt strangely detached from it all. His back was incredibly sore and movement caused all sorts of shooting pains. Joe felt slightly nauseous and had barely managed a few mouthfuls of the meal Ben had brought to him. He was exhausted, yet couldn\u2019t drop off to sleep.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019re three men down tonight, Pa,\u201d Joe commented quietly as Ben climbed back into the wagon beside him. \u201cI\u2019m sorry.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cJoe, you\u2019ve got nothing to be sorry for,\u201d Ben replied. \u201cYou acted with great courage, jumping into the river after Adam. What happened to you was an accident. Yes, neither you nor I are going to be taking a watch tonight, but suppose we\u2019d had other men run out on us? Then we\u2019d still be men down. Come on, Joe, you know as well as I do that on other occasions we\u2019ve lost more men, yet managed to get to market with the herd intact. Tomorrow, we arrive in Sacramento and the men aren\u2019t going to run out on us 24 hours before they get paid.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cTommo ran out on us yesterday,\u201d Joe answered, referring to the man he had discovered was missing. \u201cAnd that was pretty close to payday, too.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Smiling, Ben looked around. \u201cI\u2019ll tell you a secret, Joe,\u201d he whispered. \u201cTommo was only willing to come along if I paid him every day. He didn\u2019t have wages coming; he already had them.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cPa!\u201d Joe scolded. \u201cYou always tell us not to do that!\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Shrugging, Ben tried to look nonchalant. He failed. \u201cThere have got to be some privileges to being the boss,\u201d he retorted and they both laughed. \u201cNow,\u201d Ben said, as their laughter died down. \u201cAre you going to sleep tonight, all night, or are you going to lie there and wish you were on the back of a horse in that cold wind?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cTough choice,\u201d Joe agreed. \u201cBut I think I might sleep all night.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cGood night, son,\u201d Ben replied.<\/span><\/p>\n

****************************<\/span><\/p>\n

Despite Joe\u2019s choice, the night was spent only partially in sleep. Joe was just too sore to sleep for long. He desperately wanted to lie on his stomach, to take the pressure off the huge bruise on his back. It had been marginally less painful for him to lie on his side early that morning as Ben checked his back, but Ben was worried about what too much moving would do and wanted to keep Joe as still as possible.<\/span><\/p>\n

There had been horrible moments both the night before and that morning when Joe had had to pee and the urine had been full of blood. There was nothing Ben could do to hide the fact from Joe and all they could do was hope that Joe\u2019s kidneys were just bruised. They both knew, in their heads, that a little blood can go a long way, especially when diluted by water, but it was more difficult to convince their hearts of this.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cHow\u2019s Joe?\u201d Adam asked, as Ben joined him by the fire to fetch Joe another cup of coffee.<\/span><\/p>\n

Quietly, Ben told him and Adam\u2019s face grew grave. He had come out of the accident with no lingering after effects and felt horribly guilty that his younger brother was in such a bad position. If only there was something he could do to help, he thought.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cAdam, when we get to Sacramento, I need you to conclude the contracts on my behalf,\u201d Ben went on earnestly, not wanting Adam to have the time to brood over Joe. He retrieved the contracts from his inner vest pocket and gave them to his son. \u201cI\u2019m relying on you, Adam,\u201d he emphasized. \u201cAs I always rely on you and your brothers.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Straightening his shoulders, Adam nodded. \u201cOf course I will, Pa,\u201d he replied. \u201cI\u2019ll make sure everything is taken care of. You don\u2019t have to worry about a thing.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201c\u2019Ceptin\u2019 Joe, a course,\u201d Hoss joked, heavily. \u201cBut then, ya\u2019ve bin worryin\u2019 \u2018bout Joe since he was born!\u201d They laughed, the sound unsteady at first, but gaining in mirth.<\/span><\/p>\n

Finally sobering slightly, Ben looked proudly at his two oldest sons. He knew he could rely on all his sons to do what needed to be done. Despite their worry over Joe, they would act in a professional, businesslike manner and get the herd to where it was contracted to be. Only when all the business was over would they come looking for their sibling. \u201cTake care,\u201d he told them and turned quickly away, afraid that they would see the moisture in his eyes.<\/span><\/p>\n

Blinking back corresponding moisture, Hoss went over to the wagon. \u201cYa be good fer Pa, Shortshanks,\u201d he teased his younger brother. \u201cAn\u2019 if ya ain\u2019t, I\u2019ll turn ya over ma knee.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cSure,\u201d Joe scoffed, knowing that Hoss would never deliberately hurt him.<\/span><\/p>\n

Adam\u2019s leave-taking of Joe was more subdued, but no less heart-felt. \u201cBe careful, Joe and do what the doctor tells you to,\u201d he warned gently. \u201cI\u2019d like to see you looking better when I see you later.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ll do my best,\u201d Joe agreed and smiled.<\/span><\/p>\n

But he felt distinctly blue as the wagon pulled out and he could see the herd moving in a different direction. All too soon, they were lost from sight.<\/span><\/p>\n

********************************<\/span><\/p>\n

The pain was exhausting and the constant jolting of the wagon prevented Joe from sleeping. He kept quiet, knowing that Ben wanted to get into town as fast as possible and wanting the journey to end for his own sake. Joe knew, although he didn\u2019t allow his thoughts to dwell on it, that he might well be making a journey of a different kind very soon.<\/span><\/p>\n

Much as Joe usually didn\u2019t want to see a doctor, this time was different. If the doctor could take away even some of his pain, Joe would bless him forever. Plus, their arrival meant that the wagon stopped moving and Joe reveled in the blessed stillness.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI won\u2019t be long, Joe,\u201d Ben promised, looking in the back of the wagon. \u201cAre you all right?\u201d It was a relative question, Ben knew, but one he couldn\u2019t prevent himself from asking.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m fine,\u201d Joe replied, untruthfully, but with more veracity than when he had last assured Ben that he was fine. He was definitely a bit better now.<\/span><\/p>\n

True to his word, Ben was only inside for a few minutes, but Joe was on the soft fringes of sleep when his father reappeared. Wearily, Joe dragged his eyes open as the doctor climbed awkwardly into the wagon and gave Joe a cursory examination. \u201cI\u2019ll get some help and we can get him out of here,\u201d the doctor told Ben, totally ignoring Joe. Joe began to burn. But then, the doctor turned and smiled at Joe. \u201cI\u2019m sure I can find you something softer to lie on, young man.\u201d He winked. \u201cThis wagon isn\u2019t the most comfortable bed, I wouldn\u2019t have thought.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ve had worse,\u201d Joe replied, loyally and Ben laughed.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYes, rock-strewn ground,\u201d he grinned. \u201cOr the time we all had to sleep on mud every night.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cDon\u2019t remind me,\u201d Joe replied, rolling his eyes.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cMy examining table will be like a feather bed after all those,\u201d the doctor smiled and jumped down from the wagon and disappeared. He was back within five minutes with some men to help lift Joe carefully from the wagon.<\/span><\/p>\n

Doctor Carl Newman was in his early forties, slim, blond and boyish with a great deal of personal charm. Joe liked him, despite his initial bad impression. He had warm, gentle hands and twinkling blue eyes. He asked Joe questions that Joe thought were eminently sensible.<\/span><\/p>\n

With Ben\u2019s help, Joe was divested of his clothes and covered with a sheet. Newman carefully felt all Joe\u2019s limbs for breakage and was pleased to note that the circulation in Joe\u2019s legs was good. Joe explained that he could feel his legs, but that they wouldn\u2019t move. The other man\u2019s sympathetic manner and matter of fact tones helped put Joe at his ease and the embarrassment he expected to feel never surfaced.<\/span><\/p>\n

At length, Newman needed to examine Joe\u2019s back. Ideally, he would have preferred to see Joe \u2018in situ\u2019, but quite understood that they could hardly leave Joe in the river for several days while someone fetched him. Even though everyone had been careful moving Joe, there was still the chance that his back was broken. Moving very deliberately, they turned Joe over.<\/span><\/p>\n

It was probably just as well that Joe couldn\u2019t see Ben and Newman\u2019s faces. The bruise on his back was deep purple and black. Most of the darkest coloring was just about Joe\u2019s waist. \u201cJoe, I\u2019m sorry, but this is going to hurt,\u201d Newman told him.<\/span><\/p>\n

The first, gentle touch almost had Joe leaping off the table. Ben hurried to his head, placing his hands on Joe\u2019s shoulders in an effort to both comfort and keep him still. Joe clutched wildly at Ben\u2019s shirt front, winding his hands into the material. Despite all his efforts, several cries of pain escaped his control.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m finished,\u201d Newman declared. \u201cJoe, I can give you something for the pain now. Just lie still.\u201d Joe felt a needle slide into his thigh.<\/span><\/p>\n

Moving round to sit where Joe could see him, Newman looked thoughtful. \u201cThe good news is, as far as I can tell, your back isn\u2019t broken.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

A smile broke out on Ben\u2019s face. Joe looked relieved, but the wonderful, sunlit smile that Ben loved so much was not in evidence. \u201cBut?\u201d he questioned.<\/span><\/p>\n

Making a rueful face, acknowledging that there was a \u2018but\u2019, the doctor continued. \u201cBut \u2013 there does seem to be a displacement; a dislocation, if you like.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cAnd what can you do about it?\u201d Ben asked, his smile gone.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t know,\u201d Newman admitted. \u201cIt might just correct itself. It might not. Backs are tricky things. The fact that Joe can feel his legs, even if they won\u2019t move, is good. That suggests to me that in time, his back might just get better. I could try to manipulate it back into position, but I could easily do more harm than good there. I could end up paralyzing Joe forever.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWhat do you suggest?\u201d Joe asked, drowsily. The morphine was combining with his lack of proper sleep and he was barely managing to stay awake.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cRest and then we\u2019ll see how things progress,\u201d Newman replied. \u201cYour father is going to have a good meal and a sleep, and you\u2019re going to sleep then have a good meal. Tomorrow is another day, and who knows what it might bring.\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cOkay,\u201d Joe yawned and closed his eyes. Within minutes, his regular breathing told the others he was asleep.<\/span><\/p>\n

Moving away slightly so as not to disturb Joe, Ben asked, \u201cIf his back stays like this, will he always have the pain?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m not certain, but I would think it likely,\u201d Newman replied. \u201cYou might consider taking him to a specialist back East, but I can\u2019t guarantee they could do anything.\u201d He placed a hand on the other man\u2019s shoulder. \u201cMr. Cartwright, I suggest you do exactly what I told Joe. Get some food and some sleep. Tomorrow, we can face this problem afresh.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cAll right,\u201d Ben agreed. \u201cI\u2019ll be at the hotel.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ll find you, should Joe need you,\u201d Newman assured him. \u201cBut I don\u2019t think he\u2019ll stir all night.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

************************<\/span><\/p>\n

Entering the hotel dining room, Adam and Hoss spotted Ben at once. They crossed the crowded room, oblivious to the disapproving stares they got. Both of them were liberally caked in dust. Sliding into seats at Ben\u2019s table, Adam slid the banker\u2019s draft for $70,000 across the table.<\/span><\/p>\n

For a long moment, Ben just stared at it, quashing an impulse to rip it to shreds. He had never had a profit like that before. The money would carry them through the next year, regardless of what else might happen. But the one thing the money couldn\u2019t do was restore Joe\u2019s legs, should he be paralyzed. Was the money worth it? Ben knew that, to Joe, it was. The ranch was the only place Joe had ever known, and the only place he wanted to live. The Ponderosa was in Joe\u2019s blood and Ben could do nothing that would jeopardize, even slightly, the place Joe loved so much.<\/span><\/p>\n

And not just Joe, Ben acknowledged. He loved the ranch and so did Hoss. Adam was fond of it, but his heart was torn and Ben knew that one day, Adam would ride off and quite likely never return. He dreaded the day coming, but knew that he didn\u2019t have the right to stop Adam from going. Adam had his own life to lead and Ben just hoped that whatever he ended up doing made him happy.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cThank you,\u201d he said, breaking the dense silence that had fallen.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWhat did the doctor say?\u201d Adam demanded, ignoring the compliment.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cJoe seems to have something displaced in his back. We think that\u2019s what\u2019s causing the pain, but the doctor isn\u2019t sure what to do to fix it. It might not be possible, and it might do more harm than good.\u201d Ben sighed. \u201cIn other words, we don\u2019t know anything more than we did, but at least Joe isn\u2019t in pain any more.\u201d He glanced once more at the banker\u2019s draft, then picked it up and put it in his pocket. If need be, the money would be used to take Joe back east to see every specialist there was. It would buy Joe the latest in rolling chairs. Ben cut off that thought. He wasn\u2019t sure he would be able to bear seeing Joe in a rolling chair.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cAt least we know his back isn\u2019t broken,\u201d Adam replied, unaware of Ben\u2019s gloomy thoughts. \u201cThat\u2019s something.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s a big somethin\u2019,\u201d Hoss agreed, nodding vigorously.<\/span><\/p>\n

Abruptly coming back to the here and now, Ben noticed how tired his sons looked. \u201cCome on, let\u2019s see about getting you baths and rooms,\u201d he suggested. \u201cAre you hungry?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cJust tired and dirty,\u201d Adam responded.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYeah,\u201d Hoss agreed and Ben looked at him in surprise. It wasn\u2019t like Hoss not to want to eat. However, before he could say anything, his second son pre-empted him. \u201cAn\u2019 I\u2019ll git a snack after.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Smiling, Ben clapped him on the shoulder. \u201cI\u2019m sure we can manage that,\u201d he responded.<\/span><\/p>\n

****************************<\/span><\/p>\n

They all felt better when they met at the doctor\u2019s in the morning. Joe had slept for better than 12 hours \u2013 the most he had slept at one time since the accident. When his family arrived, Joe was lying propped on his side. He raised a smile for them, but they could see that he had had some painkillers, as his pupils were dilated. Adam winced as he saw the bruise on Joe\u2019s back.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cGood morning,\u201d Newman smiled, hearing them coming into the room. He was introduced to Adam and Hoss and was intrigued by the differences between the brothers.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cHow is Joe?\u201d Adam asked.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cDon\u2019t talk about me like I\u2019m not here!\u201d Joe protested.<\/span><\/p>\n

Smiling down at his patient, Newman replied, \u201cActually, the swelling on his back has gone down a lot overnight and he is no longer peeing blood.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Blushing furiously, Joe wished the floor would open up and swallow him. \u201cI really needed you to tell them that,\u201d he muttered.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cIts good news,\u201d Newman objected. \u201cYour body is beginning to heal.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWhat about the displacement?\u201d Ben asked, thinking that Joe needed the subject changed.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cSadly, there\u2019s no change there,\u201d came the reply. \u201cHowever, I did have another feel of the area this morning, and I think I could slip it back into place. Of course, there are inherent dangers in that course of action. I could make everything worse; there might be no change at all.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI want you to do it,\u201d Joe stated and Ben saw that there had already been a discussion between them about this. He opened his mouth to object, but Joe beat him to it. \u201cPa, I know it\u2019s dangerous,\u201d he continued, \u201cbut what do I have to lose? I\u2019m useless like this anyway and I can\u2019t spend my life taking painkillers every day. Pa, this is my decision. I\u2019ve thought about it and I want Dr Newman to do it.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cJoe\u2026\u201d Ben began, but there was nothing he could say. Joe was an adult; it was his body and Ben couldn\u2019t make that kind of decision for him. Only Joe could do that. \u201cI know,\u201d he concluded, softly.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cNo!\u201d Adam cried, unable to believe that Ben wouldn\u2019t impose his will on Joe. There was nothing the younger man could do, after all. \u201cPa, don\u2019t let him!\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

As Joe\u2019s eyes flew to his oldest brother, both Ben and Hoss turned to Adam. They both understood, better than Joe, that Adam still felt tremendous guilt over the accident. \u201cAdam, I can\u2019t tell Joe what to do about this,\u201d Ben replied. His gentle understanding just made Adam feel worse.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cAdam, Joe\u2019s gotta choose fer hisself,\u201d Hoss chimed in. \u201cI don\u2019t like it no more\u2019n ya do, but it ain\u2019t our decision, big brother.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

But it was Joe\u2019s comment that was the most telling of all. \u201cI can\u2019t just do nothing,\u201d he declared and Adam at last met his youngest brother\u2019s eyes. \u201cAdam, this isn\u2019t your fault,\u201d he added. \u201cAccidents happen. You know that as well as I do.\u201d Joe forced a smile. \u201cIsn\u2019t this the time when you usually remind me that accidents happen to me more often?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI guess it is,\u201d Adam agreed, finding a genuine smile on his face. \u201cAll right, Joe if that\u2019s what you really want.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s what I really want,\u201d Joe replied, tactfully not reminding Adam that he had no say in this decision. He glanced at Newman. \u201cAll right, do it; I\u2019m ready whenever you are.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

**************************<\/span><\/p>\n

The operation took place within the hour. Ben, Adam and Hoss were shepherded out and paced anxiously around the waiting room while Joe was given a whiff of chloroform. Newman took a deep breath.<\/span><\/p>\n

Compared to some procedures he had carried out, this one took no time at all. Newman was glad the other Cartwrights weren\u2019t in the room, for the bone made a horrible noise as it slipped back into place. The problem with this procedure was that Newman had no way to tell if it had worked. He went over to tell the anxious family that the operation was over.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cThe bone is back in place,\u201d he told them.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cAnd is Joe all right now?\u201d Hoss asked, eagerly.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t know,\u201d Newman replied.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWhy not?\u201d Hoss wanted to know, frowning.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cJoe is still out from the chloroform,\u201d Newman explained. \u201cUntil he tells me what he can or can\u2019t feel, I have no way to know.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYa mean ya can\u2019t tell jist by feelin\u2019?\u201d Hoss looked astounded.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI wish I could,\u201d came the heart-felt reply. \u201cBut unfortunately, the answer is no.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

************************<\/span><\/p>\n

Over the next few days, the Cartwrights waited with bated breath to see if there was any change in Joe\u2019s condition. The bruising on his back began to fade and as it went, his pain became less. Before long, Joe was managing without painkillers of any kind, but although he could still feel sensation in his legs, they still wouldn\u2019t move.<\/span><\/p>\n

They all vacillated between hope and despair, but none more so than Joe. By nature an optimist, each morning he awoke, convinced that today would be the day that he would be able to walk again. As each successive day passed, and he was still bed bound, Joe would sink into despair.<\/span><\/p>\n

Finally, after a week, Newman took Ben aside. \u201cI think you should take Joe home. There\u2019s nothing more I can do for him,\u201d he said, sadly. \u201cI\u2019m sorry.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cDon\u2019t be sorry,\u201d Ben replied. \u201cYou told us you didn\u2019t know if you could improve things and none of us hold any blame against you. Joe isn\u2019t in pain any more, and that counts for a lot.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cJoe could still regain the use of his legs,\u201d Newman reminded Ben. \u201cBut I don\u2019t know when and nothing that I can do will hurry that day. I think being at home in familiar surrounds will help him.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cThank you for everything,\u201d Ben replied and shook his hand.<\/span><\/p>\n

***************************<\/span><\/p>\n

It was another two days before they set off for home. Ben had managed to procure a rolling chair for Joe and packed it and supplies into the wagon. Joe was more than well enough to sit on the wagon seat beside Ben, although he cast longing looks at his pinto. He was glad to be going home, although he and Newman had struck up a friendship.<\/span><\/p>\n

It was pleasant to be outside in the fresh air and sunshine. Joe felt his spirits rise and he answered amiably when Ben made idle conversation. He was glad for the break for lunch, even though he had to be lifted from the wagon seat by Hoss, for he was more tired than he had expected. Still, he had been cooped up indoors for the week they had been in Sacramento, so Joe supposed it was natural that he should have less than his usual stamina.<\/span><\/p>\n

But it was at night that the doubts crept back. Joe hated the thought of the rolling chair. He had no idea what he could do on the ranch that would be useful and fulfilling. Yes, he was more than capable of doing the books, but how often did the books really have to be done? Regularly, yes, but not every single day. What else could he do? Break horses? Hardly. Herd cattle? Never again. Joe couldn\u2019t think of a single thing he could do on the ranch that would keep him fully occupied. Those bleak thoughts kept him awake all night, despite his tiredness.<\/span><\/p>\n

It was a morose Joe that was helped onto the wagon seat the next morning. He had nothing to say, all his thoughts turning inwards. Ben kept silent, not wanting to disturb Joe while he was clearly so deep in thought.<\/span><\/p>\n

Riding together a little way in front, Adam and Hoss were worried about Joe, too. \u201cIt shouldn\u2019t happen to anyone,\u201d Adam declared, fiercely. \u201cBut especially not to Joe.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cLife ain\u2019t fair,\u201d Hoss agreed. \u201cWe jist gotta keep prayin\u2019, Adam.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYes, you\u2019re right,\u201d Adam agreed, thoughtfully. \u201cWe\u2019ve got to keep praying.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

***************************<\/span><\/p>\n

It was a relief to them all to be home. Somewhere along the way, Ben, Adam and Hoss realized that Joe had made his peace with being in a rolling chair. Although he was still subdued \u2013 for Joe \u2013 he was much more like his normal self and several times mentioned running the ranch from his chair. The quiet courage that this acceptance demonstrated was quite breath-taking and the only way they could show Joe how proud of him they were was to be as matter of fact about things as he was.<\/span><\/p>\n

Only Joe knew how much it actually cost him to ask Hoss to bring round his chair so he could get into the house under his own power. The hands had come out to greet them and none of them could hide the pity when they saw that Joe still couldn\u2019t walk. Joe raised his head high, determined to show them that he could manage by himself.<\/span><\/p>\n

That stubborn pride got Joe into a few sticky situations on the first few days. He wasn\u2019t very good at directing the chair and often unintentionally ran into things \u2013 and people. With his chin jutting in that oh-so-familiar manner, Joe set out to master the chair as he used to set out to master horses. By the weekend, he was much more competent.<\/span><\/p>\n

It was only alone in bed at night that Joe gave in to the scalding tears that seemed to blight his soul. He didn\u2019t want to burden his family with his depressing thoughts \u2013 he was sure they already knew them. Joe wasn\u2019t going to walk again and they were stuck with a cripple to look after. For all his insistence on doing things for himself, there were some things he couldn\u2019t do .He couldn\u2019t climb the stairs and he didn\u2019t want to sleep in the downstairs bedroom \u2013 it just wasn\u2019t his. He couldn\u2019t go into town without help; he couldn\u2019t harness the team or saddle his horse. The list of things he couldn\u2019t do seemed endless. Many nights, Joe wondered how he could possibly go on the next morning.<\/span><\/p>\n

But go on he did, for the only alternative was suicide \u2013 and Joe was not as depressed as that. He knew exactly what his deliberate death would do to his family and he couldn\u2019t bear that thought. So every morning, Joe made a concerted effort to be cheerful and managed to carry it off.<\/span><\/p>\n

His resolve was sorely tried on Sunday morning. People openly stared as Joe was lifted from the buggy and placed into his chair at the top of the church steps. Joe could feel his face burning. He had known this would be difficult \u2013 he just hadn\u2019t expected it to be this difficult.<\/span><\/p>\n

Lifting his chin, Joe caught the eye of his oldest friend, Mitch Devlin. They had had an altercation several months before and although they had made up, their friendship wasn\u2019t what it had been. Joe was distressed to see Mitch turn his head away and pretend that he hadn\u2019t really seen Joe. Joe ducked his head.<\/span><\/p>\n

Next moment a hand squeezed his shoulder and Ben whispered, \u201cLook, Joe.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Raising his head reluctantly, Joe looked up and saw Mitch coming towards him, looking shame-faced but smiling. \u201cHi, Joe,\u201d he cried. \u201cIt\u2019s great to see you!\u201d He shook Joe\u2019s hand, something he wouldn\u2019t normally do, but feeling the need to make a gesture of some kind.<\/span><\/p>\n

Now that the first move had been made, others came forward to greet Joe, but the constraint was still there. One woman even went so far as to pat Joe on the head, as though he was a small child, or had lost his reason. Hot color stained Joe\u2019s face and neck and Ben was quite glad when the church bell began to ring and people made their way inside.<\/span><\/p>\n

Pushing the chair up the aisle to their usual pew made Ben even more aware of how much things had changed. People stared openly and he could hear the whispering. Even the reverend gave Joe a pitying look and included him in a prayer by name. Joe was mortified. He had known that the service would be hard to endure, but he hadn\u2019t expected it to be as bad as that.<\/span><\/p>\n

It seemed that the service that morning lasted forever, but even bad things eventually come to an end. Joe was relieved when Ben pushed him outside, although they had to go first so that there was room for others to walk up the aisle. The church hadn\u2019t been built with rolling chairs in mind.<\/span><\/p>\n

Forced to sit on the porch and wait while Ben fetched the buggy, Joe tried not to see everyone staring at him, but it was impossible to miss. He tried to forgive the people who unwittingly made a cruel comment, but there were a few people who seemed to be reveling in Joe\u2019s troubles and he vowed that he wouldn\u2019t be back at church again until he could walk on his own two feet. He didn\u2019t care if the vow was childish. Joe had had enough of being patronized.<\/span><\/p>\n

*****************************<\/span><\/p>\n

It was then Joe took a backwards step in his journey. From acceptance, he returned to denial, using his arms to force himself to a semi-standing position, only to fall flat on his face. Joe sank into obvious depression again, for he hated having to be rescued.<\/span><\/p>\n

It was only when Joe overheard Adam and Hoss talking one afternoon in the barn that Joe realized what an idiot he was being. \u201cI sure hate ta see Joe hurtin\u2019 like he is,\u201d Hoss commented, as he groomed Chubb.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cMe, too,\u201d Adam agreed. \u201cBut do you know what I think I hate even more than Joe hurting?\u201d When Hoss shook his head, Adam added, \u201cI hate seeing Pa hurt. He\u2019s doing everything he can for Joe. I know that Joe\u2019s entitled to be depressed, but he\u2019s dragging Pa down with him and I hate to see that. He\u2019s so worried about Joe.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI know,\u201d Hoss replied. \u201cI hoped ya were gonna say somethin\u2019 else. I hate ta see Pa so low.\u201d He heaved a big sigh.<\/span><\/p>\n

Sitting outside, Joe was shaken. Was Ben low? Was he hurt? Joe tried to think, but he had become so caught up in his own despair and failures that he hadn\u2019t noticed how any of his family were behaving. The overheard conversation between his brothers showed Joe that their father wasn\u2019t the only one who was feeling low \u2013 they both were, too.<\/span><\/p>\n

Turning away, Joe wondered what on earth he could do to make amends. He hadn\u2019t intended to hurt anyone and now, with hindsight, he could see that he had been incredibly selfish, thinking that his inability to walk was just his problem. Joe knew perfectly well that wasn\u2019t how families worked. He felt so ashamed that he wanted to cry.<\/span><\/p>\n

Wheeling slowly over to the house, Joe paused when he heard hoof beats. Ben rode into the yard, looking careworn and utterly weary. Joe\u2019s heart smote him and he almost cried out. Instead, he forced a smile onto his face and literally saw relief sweep through Ben. \u201cHello, Joe,\u201d Ben called, warmly. \u201cOut enjoying the sunshine?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYes,\u201d Joe replied. He waited while Ben dismounted and came over. \u201cPa, I wanted to apologies to you. I\u2019ve been so selfish this last week and I didn\u2019t mean to worry you.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s all right,\u201d Ben replied, smiling tenderly at his youngest son.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cNo, it\u2019s not all right,\u201d Joe contradicted. \u201cI\u2019ve been horrid to you all, shutting you out and making a fool of myself. I was wrong, Pa and I promise to change.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019ve had a lot on your mind,\u201d Ben excused him.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ve been feeling sorry for myself,\u201d Joe admitted. \u201cAnd I\u2019m sure that there will be other times that I feel sorry for myself, too. But I\u2019m not going to make that my way of life. Pa, I want to find out exactly what I can and can\u2019t do. I\u2019d like to try to ride Cochise. Who knows, perhaps there is something useful I can do from the back of a horse? But I want to try, at least. I know what I can\u2019t do \u2013 now I\u2019d like to know what I can do.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Smiling, Ben reached out to clasp Joe\u2019s shoulder. \u201cAll right,\u201d he agreed, huskily. \u201cLet\u2019s find out what you can do.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

From the barn doorway, Adam and Hoss watched in silence. They had heard the whole conversation and wondered if Joe had overheard them. When their younger brother looked across and smiled at them, Adam was sure that he had. It wasn\u2019t the way Adam would have chosen to make Joe aware of their worry, but it worked and he thanked providence that Joe had been in the right place to hear.<\/span><\/p>\n

**********************<\/span><\/p>\n

Watching Hoss and Adam getting Joe onto Cochise the next morning was possibly the most nerve-wracking thing Ben had ever done. The pinto hadn\u2019t been ridden since the day Joe had the accident, but he stood like a statue, with his head turned slightly to watch what was going on.<\/span><\/p>\n

Once Joe was in position and feeling secure, he made a chirruping noise and Cochise calmly started to walk around the yard. The triumph on Joe\u2019s face was a delight to see. Obviously, he wasn\u2019t going to be going at any great speed within the confines of the yard, but Joe soon had his mount in a trot and had no trouble in keeping his balance. Looking at him, Ben found it hard to believe that Joe had any problem with his back at all.<\/span><\/p>\n

With Ben\u2019s permission, Joe went out for a short ride with both his brothers and came back looking elated. He had had no trouble riding at all, and his horizons had opened up dramatically. Perhaps there was a place for him on the Ponderosa after all.<\/span><\/p>\n

Over the next few days, Joe went riding as often as someone could be spared to go with him. His fitness improved and so did his disposition. Joe had always been an outdoors type and being cooped up in the house had contributed enormously to his depression. The fresh air and sunshine restored his jaded appetite and he was soon tackling his meals with gusto, another sight the Cartwrights had feared they would never see again.<\/span><\/p>\n

It was almost like having the old Joe back again.<\/span><\/p>\n

*****************************<\/span><\/p>\n

He didn\u2019t know what had woken him, but his heart was pounding and he found himself straining his hearing. Was that a noise from downstairs? Was there someone in the house? He sat up, still listening. The silence in the house was profound.<\/span><\/p>\n

Rising, Ben put on his robe and lit a lamp. There was still no noise from downstairs, but Ben couldn\u2019t shake the conviction that there was someone else awake in the house. He was sure that one of his sons had got up for some reason.<\/span><\/p>\n

Quietly opening Hoss\u2019 door, Ben saw that it wasn\u2019t his middle son who was awake. Hoss was sleeping soundly, his deep, even breathing filling the quiet of his room. Just as quietly, Ben closed the door.<\/span><\/p>\n

Next room along was Adam\u2019s. Ben peeped in and was floored to see his oldest son was sound asleep, curled up in the middle of the bed with the covers drawn up to his neck as though it was cold. Ben\u2019s heart beat quickened. It must be an intruder, then.<\/span><\/p>\n

Turning away, Ben saw that Joe\u2019s door stood slightly ajar. Fear caught in Ben\u2019s throat and, unthinking, he stepped across the hall and threw open Joe\u2019s door, half expecting to find an intruder threatening his helpless son.<\/span><\/p>\n

It took a moment for what he was seeing to sink in properly. Ben blinked, but nothing changed.<\/span><\/p>\n

Joe\u2019s bed was empty.<\/span><\/p>\n

**********************<\/span><\/p>\n

The figure sitting by the ashes of the fire looked up as Ben came into sight. He smiled, a rather watery smile. \u201cHi, Pa,\u201d Joe quavered and had to clamp his mouth shut and swallow hard.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cJoe\u2026\u201d Ben started and his voice caught on a sob.<\/span><\/p>\n

Rising, Joe walked the few steps that separated him from his father and smiled up at the shocked expression. \u201cI know, I can hardly believe it either,\u201d he declared, quietly. \u201cI\u2019m walking.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

In an instant, Ben was down the last few steps and had Joe crushed in his arms. \u201cHow?\u201d he whispered, pulling back to gaze at Joe again. \u201cWhen?\u201d He shook his head, unable to articulate what he wanted to know.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI just woke up,\u201d Joe replied, smiling through the tears that ran down his face. \u201cI had to go, you know?\u201d He gave a shrug. \u201cI was still half asleep and I just threw the covers back and got up. It wasn\u2019t until I was climbing back under the covers, and caught my foot on them that I realized what I\u2019d done.\u201d Wiping his face, Joe smiled again. \u201cI had to get up and walk about. I had to come downstairs, just to prove to myself that I wasn\u2019t dreaming. Pa, I\u2019m not even stiff \u2013 there\u2019s no pain. I can walk again!\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cOh, Joe!\u201d Ben cried, overcome and grabbed his son into his embrace again.<\/span><\/p>\n

There was a noise from above them, and they turned to see Adam standing there, a gun in his hand and his eyes practically out on stalks. \u201cJoe?\u201d he asked, his voice laden with disbelief.<\/span><\/p>\n

Making eye contact with Ben, Joe giggled. The sound was uniquely Joe and had been conspicuous by its absence since the accident. Joe had laughed, but his giggle had been silent.<\/span><\/p>\n

Abruptly, Adam whirled, with an impetuousness usually seen in Joe, and raced down the hallway. \u201cHoss!\u201d he cried, crashing into his brother\u2019s room. \u201cHoss, wake up, quick! You\u2019ve got to see this! Come on, wake up!\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cHuh? Wha??\u201d Hoss stuttered. He blinked. \u201cAdam? What\u2019s wrong?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cGet up!\u201d Adam cried and practically pulled Hoss from the bed. He propelled his larger brother along the hallway and onto the stairs and there Hoss froze, gaping with his mouth wide open at a sight he had thought he would never see again.<\/span><\/p>\n

Joe had intended to say something witty to Hoss, to make some smart remark, but the look on his brother\u2019s face kept him silent. He simply nodded and watched as Hoss came slowly down the steps, his eyes firmly fixed on Joe. At the bottom of the steps, he reached out to gather his brother into an embrace and tears started to fall. \u201cThank God!\u201d he whispered in heart-felt prayer. \u201cOh thank God!\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s a miracle,\u201d Adam remarked, awed.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cIt certainly is,\u201d Ben agreed. He unashamedly wiped away a tear. He watched, smiling, as Adam stepped forward and put his arm round Joe\u2019s shoulder. It was a gesture the older son was unaccustomed to making, but Joe\u2019s reaction was simple. He leant into his brother and smiled up into his face. The scene blurred for Ben into a haze of hot tears<\/span><\/p>\n

****************************<\/span><\/p>\n

Dr Paul Martin speculated that perhaps there had been some sort of swelling on Joe\u2019s spinal cord that had prevented his legs from moving. But in truth, he didn\u2019t know. None of the Cartwrights really cared why Joe had got better \u2013 it was enough for them that he had.<\/span><\/p>\n

It was a seven day wonder in town, with everyone talking about the miraculous recovery Joe had made. There were changes. Joe found it hard to completely forgive the people who had been so patronizing towards him, but his generous nature wouldn\u2019t let him hold a grudge. They had acted from ignorance and Joe vowed that he would make sure he never treated anyone the way he had been treated.<\/span><\/p>\n

But the biggest changes were to Joe himself. The journey he had been forced to embark upon had taught him some lessons, mostly about himself. Joe could, like everyone, be selfish, but he was much more aware of everyone else\u2019s feelings, too. He had taken some big steps to maturity and learned a lot about himself.<\/span><\/p>\n

On the Sunday morning, Joe went to church with his family. He was slightly ashamed of the vow he had made to himself, but he had kept it. He hadn\u2019t been back in the church since that first day. Joe was no less aware of the staring now than he had been then and it annoyed him.<\/span><\/p>\n

During the service, it occurred to Joe that most of the people had acted out of ignorance. He could explain to them what it was like to be stared at and talked down to. He knew he would have to be careful how he phrased his comments, but this was something positive he could take from his experiences. He could educate others in dealing with those in rolling chairs.<\/span><\/p>\n

Joe was never to know if his gentle preaching had an effect on the people he talked to, but it was something he did all his life. It reflected, too, what Ben Cartwright had taught his boys \u2013 it didn\u2019t matter what the other person looked like; what color, race or creed they were from. It was what was in the person\u2019s heart that mattered.<\/span><\/p>\n

Watching Joe walking about was something that Ben would never take for granted again. He would forever cherish the memory of finding Joe that night. Miracles didn\u2019t always happen with a fanfare and flourish. The best miracles happened quietly when nobody was looking, using commonplace things. Perhaps, Ben mused, he had once entertained an angel, unawares.<\/span><\/p>\n

*****End*****<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Summary:\u00a0 An accident forces Joe to embark upon a journey he had never expected to take.\u00a0<\/p>\n

Rated:\u00a0 T \u00a0(11,075 words)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":45,"featured_media":4853,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"template-full-width-post.php","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_members_access_role":[],"_members_access_error":""},"categories":[23,41],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2483","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-drama","category-hurtcomfort","wpcat-23-id","wpcat-41-id"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/Joe5.png?fit=565%2C346&ssl=1","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2483","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/45"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2483"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2483\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/4853"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2483"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2483"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2483"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}