{"id":2499,"date":"2010-04-29T22:37:49","date_gmt":"2010-04-30T02:37:49","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=2499"},"modified":"2026-01-20T14:31:11","modified_gmt":"2026-01-20T19:31:11","slug":"how-simple-can-you-get","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=2499","title":{"rendered":"How Simple Can You Get? (by Laura Brodie)"},"content":{"rendered":"

Summary: \u00a0<\/span>A comedy with Hoss and Joe showing just how risky it is to team up together to get a reward. Getting rich was never supposed to be simple! <\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0Rated: K (9,780 words)
\n<\/span><\/p>\n

How Simple Can You Get?<\/strong><\/p>\n

Little Joe Cartwright<\/strong> leaned against the mercantile building waiting for his brother, Hoss, to finish lusting after the various sweetening the store had to offer. The youngest Cartwright had wanted to grab a beer and check out the latest saloon girl, but had agreed to wait for his brother. He was regretting that decision as Hoss lingered, gazing longingly at the desired confections that made his mouth water and his stomach growl.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWill you please come on?! They ain\u2019t gonna talk to ya and ya got enough already to feed every hand on the Ponderosa!\u201d \u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Hoss stood tongue out, wringing his hands over the desired candies, but knew he had spent all the money he could afford. He had needed his saddle re-stitched and it had cost him to do it. He would have to hold off and pray he had purchased enough of the sugary treat to hold him until his next trip to town. Eventually allowing his body to leave the store, Hoss vowed he would return as soon as his dwindled savings were restored. He only hoped Mrs. Phillips, the creator of his beloved treats, stayed healthy and free from harm.<\/span><\/p>\n

Joe pushed off the building with his shoulder, as he placed his hand on the back of his downtrodden brother. \u201cS\u2019okay, Hoss. You\u2019ll be back soon. I\u2019m sure they\u2019ll miss you, too.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

The two Cartwright brothers made their way down the street, eventually ending in front of Joe\u2019s most coveted establishment. As the saloon doors opened, Joe fell into character. He was no longer the youngest, the little brother of the Cartwright clan. He was Joe Cartwright, handsome cowboy and man about town. Joe added more of a swagger to his walk as he moved. He pushed his hat back, just far enough to where he thought it looked best. Arriving at the bar, he propped one foot on the brass railing and leaned in on one elbow. He was in his element. He knew it and he wanted the saloon girls to know it, too.<\/span><\/p>\n

As Joe ordered a beer, Hoss moved in beside him, counting the few coins that remained in his pocket. \u201cUh, Joe? Can you help me out? I seem to be comin\u2019 up a might short an\u2019 I\u2019m powerful thirsty. You spare some money?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Joe rolled his eyes at Hoss. He had hoped his brother had saved a few dollars, so he could bum some for a hand or two of poker. \u201cLeave it to you to throw your money away,\u201d Joe chastised, as he ordered up a beer for his big brother and then settled back to look at the girls.<\/span><\/p>\n

Alfonso Contracarda de la Conception and Delbert Delahoussay, known as Al and Double Del respectively, sat glaring at the two figures standing so casually at the bar. The two Cartwrights had bested them in every challenge, tournament, competition and sporting event to be found in Virginia City and the two friends were tired of looking like fools.<\/span><\/p>\n

There they stand, our archenemies, the thieves of glory, Double Del thought. He and his sidekick sat wondering when it would be they would finally champion the two low-down, conniving Cartwrights.<\/span><\/p>\n

The peace of the Cartwright boys\u2019 respite was disturbed when a small, elderly man sidled up to the bar. He was out of breath and gasping and it took a while for him to settle. After he had calmed, he spoke quietly, not wanting to give his news away to the entire saloon. As the man leaned in to the young men standing at the bar, their eyes became trained on him. \u201cHave ya heard, young fellas? The Royal Prince of Arabie lost his most prized gen-u-ine Arabie stallion near here. Seems the horse broke loose from \u2018im. They say five grow\u2019d men tried ta hold it, but that dang fool horse wound up hurtin\u2019 one poor fella, knockin\u2019 \u2018im in the head. They say it\u2019s got hooves that move like swords, it does! The Prince\u2019s offerin\u2019 a re-ward of $200 to the fella who rounds up that stallion. Sounds ta me there\u2019s money t\u2019be made. I plan on gettin\u2019 me that there money. I can find me one horse. Don\u2019t reckon on many others willin\u2019 to track one miserable beast, not when life an\u2019 limb are at stake. But me…I lived a full life\u2026and plan on drinkin\u2019 me to my death. That stallion\u2019s gonna get me there\u2026$200 cash money\u2026for a horse!\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Joe and Hoss looked at each other. Both had a thought\u2026rounding up a horse? We do that all the time. How simple can you get? Joe\u2019s thoughts then turned to the money. He could use some to play poker. And Hoss? His thoughts were of sweetening – miles and miles of yummy candy.<\/span><\/p>\n

*********<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cA HORSE!\u201d Ben Cartwright\u2019s voice boomed. \u201cYou two\u2019re tellin\u2019 me you want time away from your duties here to chase a horse?! What? We don\u2019t have enough of \u2018em here for the two of you – or are ours not good enough?!\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

As both sons sank further on the couch, Joe mumbled, \u201cNone worth $200 pay.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Ben\u2019s head jerked to his youngest. \u201cOh, so now you are gonna complain about pay, are you?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cN-n-no, Pa. Just talkin\u2019 \u2018bout the reward. Hoss an\u2019 I\u2019ve finished the list of chores you gave us to do and we did \u2018em just the way you like. We sure did. You\u2019d be proud.\u201d Joe gave his best award-winning smile and wink to his father, hoping to soften the man\u2019s mood.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t see why you two have to go runnin\u2019 round the countryside looking for work! We have thousands of acres for you to find plenty to do on, but you both seem to find work elsewhere.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWell\u2026that ain\u2019t quite true, Pa,\u201d Hoss piped up. \u201cThat stallion\u2019s probably on our land and all we need\u2019s a bunch a yahoos comin\u2019 in and scarin\u2019 the herd and tramplin\u2019 the rye grass. Joe an\u2019 me, well, we\u2019ll help the ranch out by roundin\u2019 up this horse right quick and makin\u2019 sure we don\u2019t end up with cattle spread from here to Carson City.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Joe smiled at his brother and shook his head in agreement. Hoss\u2019s right! That\u2019s a terrific argument! Boy, Hoss, I\u2019m teachin\u2019 ya right. I\u2019m proud of ya, brother! Joe thought, his expression offering support.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYou two are going to protect the Ponderosa?\u201d Adam chimed in. He had been sitting back listening to his brothers\u2019 latest scheme, becoming amused at the justifications they tried to pass by their father. \u201cNow I\u2019ve heard everything.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Joe and Hoss scowled. They didn\u2019t need their elder brother\u2019s two cents added to cloud the waters. A command of \u201cStay out of it!\u201d was heard from both, as they attempted to cut Pa from the herd and tire him down. Adam merely shook his head and covered his grin with his hand.<\/span><\/p>\n

Ben eyed his two youngest boys. \u201cHoss, I\u2019m so pleased you\u2019re concerned about the ranch and the well-being of our cattle. I know I can rest assured that money has nothing to do with that concern\u2026And Joseph, your payment for hard work is a glad heart, son. I know you know that. You boys don\u2019t need to go chasing Arabian stallions. We have plenty of stallions here to occupy your time.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cBut, Pa\u2026\u201d Joe attempted to interject.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cNo, Joseph, you both are needed here. End of discussion.\u201d Ben had been standing in front of the fireplace, towering over his sons. With this final proclamation, he moved to his chair, pulled out his pipe and opened the Press Enterprise. He said quietly before turning his attention to the paper, \u201cArabie stallion, indeed.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Joe motioned with his head for Hoss to join him upstairs. As the two left the room, Ben and Adam looked first to their retreating figures and then to each other. Ben shook his head at his eldest, as Adam chuckled. However, the eldest brother was not about to miss out on what Joe and Hoss were cooking up. He waited until his brothers were securely in Joe\u2019s room and then followed safely behind. He had to hear the logic the two would use to try and outfox their father. It was certain to be good for a laugh or two!<\/span><\/p>\n

*****<\/span><\/p>\n

Once in Joe\u2019s room, Hoss and his little brother began a discussion as to how they could get their work done on the ranch and still be able to hunt down their treasure. While Hoss sat on the bed, his head in his hands, Joe paced the room. The youngest Cartwright thought he could figure it out if he only had a few minutes to think. Think, come on, there is a way around this, he told himself. The movements back and forth across the floor allowed his mind to focus. He had often outthought his Pa before\u2026well, sometimes he had\u2026okay, it usually didn\u2019t work, but he knew this time he could develop the right plan to allow Pa to stay blissfully unaware and for him and Hoss to get that $200.<\/span><\/p>\n

As Joe paced, Hoss contemplated his own question. When he couldn\u2019t figure it out he decided to ask his worldlier brother. \u201cUh\u2026Joe, can I ask you a question?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m trying to think here\u2026what is it?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWhat exactly is an Arabie stallion? Now I know the kinda horse we have here in Nevada, and some from Arizona and even Kentucky, but Arabie? What is that?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWell, you know, Hoss, Arabie\u2026like from Arabia.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI got that part, Joe. But is it different than our horses? Do we do anything special to catch it?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWell, uh\u2026yeah\u2026they\u2019re big horses, gotta be \u2018cause they have them princes to carry around with all \u2018em robes an\u2019 gold an\u2019 stuff. They\u2019re big ol\u2019 sturdy things that can go days and days without water. You know – it\u2019s desert there an\u2019 all.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cSo holdin\u2019 up at a water hole ain\u2019t too smart of us then?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cNot our first option, no\u2026This horse\u2019ll be hard to catch, Hoss. I feel it. You know, it\u2019s a royal breed\u2026hmm\u2026royal and smart\u2026an\u2019 Pa\u2019s a clever man\u2026Very clever\u2026What to do, Hoss? What to do\u2026? I think we show a fa\u00e7ade, Hoss. That\u2019s it\u2026a fa\u00e7ade!\u201d Joe snapped his finger at the realization of solving his problem. \u201cWe say we\u2019re doin\u2019 one thing\u2026and underneath\u2026we\u2019re doin\u2019 another! Like them buildings they\u2019re always tryin\u2019 to make look bigger\u2026We\u2019ll give a different picture to Pa! He\u2019ll see one thing and we\u2019ll be doin\u2019 another! Oh, this is brilliant! An incredible plan! We make it seem we\u2019re doin\u2019 for Pa\u2026you know, doin\u2019 our chores\u2026We get our stuff done round here, Pa has no idea what we\u2019re up to, and we get money in our pockets to boot!\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t really get the plan, Joe. Could ya tell me \u2018gain?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Joe placed his arm around Hoss\u2019s shoulders as he sat next to him on the bed. \u201cHoss, have I ever steered ya wrong? Have I?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cUh\u2026\u201d Hoss scrunched up his face in concern. \u201cWell, not really wrong, Joe. But you\u2019ve gotten us in some trouble with Pa.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cNah! Not me, Hoss\u2026circumstance\u2026just circumstance. This plan\u2019s foolproof. Now\u2026if we just control\u2026circumstance.\u201d Joe sat next to his brother while he played out the capture of the stallion in his head. Hoss sat as well, trusting Joe to iron out the details. He gave a few hesitant looks to his little brother, but had to admit he was glad it was not his burden to figure out the complexities. He\u2019d like the extra money and it seemed Joe had a knack for creating it from nothing. He decided he\u2019d go along with the plan. It was only a horse. After all, it was what they did every day.<\/span><\/p>\n

Adam stood outside Joe\u2019s door, trying not to burst out laughing as he heard Joe\u2019s description of an Arabian horse. Here it was again, Joe\u2019s grand scheme to make a quick buck – and Hoss\u2019s willingness to fall right off the cliff with his little brother. It\u2019s truly scary to think of the trouble those two can generate simply by talking to each other, Adam thought to himself. Joe sure was good at the con – and if he continued on the same path he\u2019d be great at it…all he needed was better cons around to teach him. Oh, now that was a truly scary thought!<\/span><\/p>\n

*****<\/span><\/p>\n

The only thought that persuaded Joe to leave his warm bed was the money. Two hundred dollars cash money to be specific – and capturing one four-legged creature would give him half of it. One hundred poker playin\u2019, drink buyin\u2019, woman wooin\u2019 dollars! He already had what was needed – a lariat and skill – so his expenses were nil. He was certain they would track the horse and capture it easily. Did he dare think they could complete the task that day and be richer by sundown? Sure\u2026nothing to it, he said to himself and forced his body to leave the warm blankets.<\/span><\/p>\n

Joe made his way down the stairs still tucking in his shirt, his boots in his hand. The great room was dark as he called out in a whisper, \u201cHoss? Hoss, you here?\u201d The touch on his shoulder made him jump and release a small scream.<\/span><\/p>\n

Hoss was quick to put his hand over Joe\u2019s mouth. \u201cSsshhh! Hush, Joe! You\u2019re gonna wake the house!\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Joe attempted to mumble something through the hand over his mouth, but only muffled words were heard.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWhat?\u201d Hoss questioned, no idea what his brother had said.<\/span><\/p>\n

Joe glared as he pointed to the hand that covered his mouth. His older brother gave a sheepish look and Joe slapped the hand and scowled as it was removed. \u201cYou scared me, you idiot! Don\u2019t do that! Are you ready to go?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYep. Got some grub and my gear.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Joe looked disgusted at his brother, but shook his head and moved to the door. He thought, This is what I have to work with! Get centered, Hoss! Would you please focus?!<\/span><\/p>\n

The air was fall crisp and it was evident winter was threatening to intercede. The two rode in relative quiet to the fences they were assigned to mend. Joe finally shared with Hoss his reasoning of why he felt they might just conveniently be in the right area to spot the rogue horse. \u201cHoss, here\u2019s my thinkin\u2019. If you were a foreigner in town, where would you go?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cUh\u2026maybe the hotel or uh\u2026how \u2018bout the rest\u2019rant or a saloon?\u201d Hoss said as he scrunched up his face in thought and scratched his head.<\/span><\/p>\n

Joe shook his head. \u201cI\u2019m sittin\u2019 here thinkin\u2019 like this horse\u2026See, ya gotta get in his head\u2026I think I\u2019d go and check out the local females if I was him\u2026And I do believe we\u2019re headed right at \u2018em.\u201d Joe was speaking of the local herd of wild horses that ran the Ponderosa. \u201cThink of it, Hoss, an Arabie prince has his harem of women\u2026so an Arabie stallion might just attempt to cut in on the local stallion\u2019s harem. It\u2019s what I\u2019d do if I was him.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYou know, Joe, you just might be right! Hot diggity, I think you\u2019re on t\u2019somethin\u2019!\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Joe smiled a cocky grin. It was like taking candy from a baby. \u201cWe\u2019ll work fence a while and then take a look around. We need to get somethin\u2019 done \u2018fore we go for him so Pa don\u2019t suspect. The fa\u00e7ade, Hoss, the fa\u00e7ade; never forget the plan.\u201d Hoss gave his brother a serious look of concern. He didn\u2019t really get the plan, but he was sure Joe had got it and that was all that really mattered.<\/span><\/p>\n

The two men settled in and began the arduous, never-ending task of repairing the boundaries that separated the herd from peril and Cartwright land from others\u2019. They worked without stopping until midmorning and were about to call it a break when a man on a horse approached. It was the same elderly man who had been in the saloon the previous day and, as he rode up, Joe and Hoss remembered him.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cHowdy,\u201d the man greeted them.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cHey,\u201d Hoss and Joe chimed in together.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cHee, hee. That stallion\u2019s near, I tell ya\u2026found me some signs.\u201d The old-timer smiled a gap-toothed grin.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cSigns? What kinda signs?\u201d Joe perked up, interested in anything that could give a clue to the horse\u2019s whereabouts.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWell, I can\u2019t go givin\u2019 \u2018way my secrets now can I? Let\u2019s just say there\u2019s some tellin\u2019 signs\u2026That horse had him some riggin\u2019\u2026Arabie riggin\u2019 for sure – fancy and got all \u2018em do-dads, you know. Got me some signs, I do. All I need ta track me one mean ol\u2019 ornery critter. See ya, boys\u2026and don\u2019t you be workin\u2019 too hard now, ya hear? Ya might put yourselves in an early grave.\u201d The elderly man gave a laugh and was then away. His face held a certain worry, though, if you looked real close. Had he said too much and was his treasure now at risk?<\/span><\/p>\n

Watching the man ride away, both Cartwrights felt the need to follow. Joe eventually looked at Hoss, who was looking at him. \u201cSigns?\u201d both said in unison. That meant the stallion was still nearby, maybe? Both dropped the fencing where it was and mounted up, willing to leave Pa\u2019s firm directive for the promise of money. After all, the old-timer said the stallion was near and they could grab it and be back in no time.<\/span><\/p>\n

*****<\/span><\/p>\n

Hoss and Joe scoured the land for several hours as they searched for the Arabian\u2019s hoof prints. They found signs of the old man\u2019s horse, but no stallion. However, neither was quite sure what the hoof prints of a desert horse would look like when compared to a regular horse. Joe simply assumed they would know them when they saw them and Hoss was content to trust Joe. They were about to give up the search when Joe saw something glimmering in a thicket. Both moved their horses over and dismounted quickly. Joe was the first to the shrubs and, as he reached in, he found a piece of purple silk cloth and, attached to it, a gold buckle. He turned them over in his hands several times before showing them to his brother. The bigger man also studied the clues closely and then smiled. \u201cPurple? Ain\u2019t that royalty colors, Joe?\u201d Hoss inquired.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI think so. You know, when that king of wherever came through here, he seemed kinda partial to purple. He wore an awful lot of it. I kinda thought it was a bit much, but, he bein\u2019 a king an\u2019 all, well, I guess he can get away with it.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cIt did seem a little overdone. I\u2019m sure, though, him bein\u2019 a king he could do just \u2018bout anythin\u2019 he wanted to. Joe, you ever think \u2018bout bein\u2019 a king?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

The two stood many minutes musing over the kingdom of Joe and the kingdom of Hoss. Each man discussed his own domain and was very predictable in his choice of pleasures. Joe\u2019s consisted of poker tables, pretty girls and endless amounts of beer. Hoss\u2019s kingdom was one of sugary treats, large multiple course meals and a few animals to nurse to health. Finally the daydreams shared and enjoyed ended, as both realized they needed to get back to work. They allowed themselves to give another quick look around, then mounted up to return to their fencing.<\/span><\/p>\n

Both rode along feeling excited they had at least found a sign. They felt certain it would be only a short matter of time and the stallion would be on the end of one of their ropes. The festive feelings were quickly doused in cold water as the two rounded the corner to see their father – on foot and looking disheveled. Ben was covered in mud, a swollen area just under his lip and, worst of all, he was glaring at them. \u201cWhere in tar-nation have you two ruffians been for the last three hours?!\u201d he yelled.<\/span><\/p>\n

The booming voice was enough to make both horses and riders jump. \u201cUh, hey, Pa,\u201d Joe started.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cDon\u2019t you dare \u2018hey, Pa\u2019 me! I come out here to check on you two and not only are you not here, there is no fence up! What is the meaning of this?!\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Hoss scrunched up his face and looked at his father. \u201cUh, Pa\u2026where\u2019s Buck?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Ben scowled. \u201cProbably most a the way back to the house, thank you very much!\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cUh, Pa\u2026um\u2026can I, uh\u2026ask what happened? Why\u2019d ya lose Buck?\u201d Joe asked, continuing to deny his father was angry.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWhy did I lose Buck? Why did I lose Buck?! I LOST him because there was no fence! And there was no fence because my sons had not built one yet!\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cUh\u2026you needed a fence?\u201d Joe asked meekly.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYES! It helps to stop stampeding cattle!\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cStampeding cattle?\u201d Hoss asked as he swallowed hard and looked toward Joe, whose fingers were in his mouth as he nervously chewed his thumbnail. Hoss let go a low, \u201cOh, Lordy.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI was out to check on you two and saw a few head\u2026strays. Thought I would get them rounded up. A bee stung me\u2026\u201d Ben unconsciously touched the swollen area under his lip, \u201cand, well\u2026I\u2026yelled\u2026it, uh\u2026spooked the cows. They headed towards the fence\u2026BUT THERE WASN\u2019T ONE!\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Hoss and Joe winced.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cThe fence was needed for a reason, boys. Do you know what that reason was?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cTo keep the cows in?\u201d Joe asked as he cowered away from his father.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cTo avoid the bog behind it!\u201d Ben spat back.<\/span><\/p>\n

The picture was becoming clearer for the two brothers – and it wasn\u2019t good!<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cThe cows and Buck were bogged down. I worked to free them, but they were jumpy and\u2026well…my yelling at Buck didn\u2019t help matters. My horse freed himself and left me in the bog. I finally pulled myself free\u2026had to use the bushes around me, but I made it. No thanks to you two!\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Joe and Hoss both looked ill. This wasn\u2019t good and they knew their father would make them pay. \u201cUh, Pa, we were\u2026\u201d Joe began.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI know what you two were doing. I want this fence fixed and I want it done NOW!\u201d Ben commanded. \u201cAnd while I\u2019m thinking about it, give me your horses.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cOur horses?\u201d the two asked in unison.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYes, I need one to ride and it wouldn\u2019t be fair to choose between you. You seem joined at the hip, anyway, so I will let you both walk back to the ranch.\u201d Ben had thought of his punishment as he had stood waiting for the boys to return to their duties.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWalk? Walk back home? Pa, that\u2019s a long way!\u201d Joe tried to protest as he dismounted Cochise.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYeah, and it will give you time to ponder the error of your ways, after you\u2019ve fixed that fence!\u201d Ben barked as he took the reins of his sons\u2019 horses.<\/span><\/p>\n

Joe and Hoss could only watch as their father rode out of sight. Hoss couldn\u2019t help but turn and glare at his younger brother. \u201cYou\u2019re idea ain\u2019t workin\u2019, Joseph!\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cOh sure, doubt me now!\u201d Joe rolled his eyes. \u201cYou know, you always do this! We run into a little bit of trouble and you\u2019re blamin\u2019 me! Always blamin\u2019 me! If you weren\u2019t my brother I\u2019d say you had problems with loyalty!\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

****************************************<\/span><\/p>\n

Joe and Hoss worked to string the fencing and then started the slow journey back to the ranch house. They had initially been quiet with each other, as their anger at the situation burned. Eventually, however, they reunited in their quest for money and by the time the two reached the big house they were the best of friends once more. As the heavy door opened, a sad sight stopped the brothers in their tracks. Their father sat in his chair, covered in a strange slimy mixture that reeked. His face was now even more swollen just below his bottom lip. The boys smiled a forced smile and nodded at their father as they entered, trying not to react to the sulfur smell that filled the room. Neither looked to the other, as they somehow knew their father\u2019s plight had to do with their latest venture.<\/span><\/p>\n

Joe thought, Don\u2019t ask. Pa\u2019ll just yell. He looked at his father, still smiling. \u201cWe got all the fencin\u2019 done ya wanted, Pa. It\u2019s all strung up like a Christmas goose.\u201d Joe then nodded, hoping to ease his father\u2019s wrath.<\/span><\/p>\n

Ben looked at his two youngest sons. Why did they insist on chasing rainbows? He had started itching on the ride back and the itches covered his face and hands with a harsh rash before he arrived home. He realized only too late that the plants surrounding the bog were poison ivy. He had been exposed and was covered with the itch and pain of the red inflammation.<\/span><\/p>\n

Hop Sing had moved in to cool the heat and itch of the patriarch of the Ponderosa\u2019s skin with foreign herbs and several creams. He had slathered and dabbed as Ben Cartwright allowed, but the itch was still there and Ben was uncomfortable. He was covered with slimy goo and the sensation left him feeling less than dignified. The smell was repulsive and he wondered how he would stand living with himself.<\/span><\/p>\n

Ben looked at his boys through the herb mask wrap that surrounded most of his exposed body. His sons had brought on the itch and the thought spurned him to yell. The yell was muffled and somewhat hard to understand, as Ben\u2019s swelling made it hard to talk. \u201cGo to your rooms! Outta my sight! You two are a plague! Oh Lord, what did I do to deserve this?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Hoss hit Joe hard as they headed up the stairs and Joe cried out, \u201cOw! Boy, you hit hard! I hear it\u2026I do\u2026\u2019kay, so Pa ain\u2019t real happy right now. We make sure Pa\u2019s okay with us – we just lay low a while before we try again,\u201d Joe said as his brain worked overtime. \u201cGotta be a way to get that horse. Gotta be a way!\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

****************************************<\/span><\/p>\n

Joe and Hoss gave their father a wide berth for the next few days and worked hard to do nothing to anger him. It was easy for them to stay away, given the smell of the treatments Ben was receiving. As a matter of fact, Ben found himself alone a great deal of the time and he spent a lot of his time in the fresh air, the smell driving even him out of doors.<\/span><\/p>\n

One morning, before going out into the open air, Ben had by habit checked the date on the calendar on his desk. He noted he was expected to perform a great service for Virginia City on that very day. He sighed as he felt the rash over his hands and face; the swelling below his lip felt enormous. He could not allow himself to be seen by the townspeople looking so silly or smelling so badly. He was at a loss to figure out what he could do. Adam was at the lumber camp or he would send him to attend to the business. As he walked slowly outside, he saw his other option. Joe and Hoss stood tightening their cinches, getting read to ride out. Ben looked at his boys and knew he had to do it. He had to hope they could stay focused.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cJoe, Hoss, hold up a minute,\u201d Ben called out as he walked up to his sons. His words came in a lisp as he tried to negotiate the bee sting.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cHey, Pa, what \u2018cha need?\u201d Hoss asked, wanting to please his father any way he could. As Ben approached, both Chub and Cochise reared and pulled away from the hitching post. The startled horses moved closer to the barn and away from the offensive smell.<\/span><\/p>\n

Ben scowled at the animals\u2019 insult and then turned to his sons. \u201cI have a chore for the two if you\u2026if you think you can handle it. The Virginia City Chamber of Commerce has commissioned a silver pocket watch to be made for the President of the United States. I\u2019m in charge of making sure that pocket watch gets on a stage bound for Washington. I can\u2019t go to town today\u2026I have other things to attend to round here\u2026\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

The brothers looked at each other, knowing that to laugh at the thought of their father in town as he currently appeared would probably get them horsewhipped. \u201cSure, Pa. We can make sure the watch gets where it needs to be. That should be simple \u2018nough,\u201d Joe assured him.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cThis is very important. I want that watch on that stage, understand? Go pick it up at the Chamber of Commerce and get it on the stage bound for Washington. You both understand that, don\u2019t you?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cSure thing, Pa. We\u2019ll get it on that stage. You can count on us!\u201d Hoss patted his father\u2019s shoulder, then moved towards his horse. Ben went to move as well and Hoss cautioned, \u201cUh, Pa, maybe you should stay right there. We can talk to you from over here.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Glaring at Hoss, but more so at the disrespectful horses, Ben gave his final command. \u201cSee that you don\u2019t let me down, boys. Don\u2019t make me sorry I sent you.\u201d Ben whipped around and marched back into the house, attempting to keep the remainder of his dignity intact.<\/span><\/p>\n

The two men mounted up and rode off, neither willing to discuss their father\u2019s state until they were certain they were out of earshot. After deciding two miles was a good way away, both looked at each other and began laughing hysterically. Eventually the tears of laughter subsided and Joe was the first to speak. \u201cOh, Lordy, Pa smells bad! And that sting\u2026that\u2019s some kinda swellin\u2019!\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYou ain\u2019t kiddin\u2019. All I could do t\u2019stand there. We gotta do this right though, Joe. Pa is already madder than two wild cats with their tails tied together.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

A sneaky grin covered Joe\u2019s face as he spoke. \u201cWe\u2019ll do it, don\u2019t you worry, and we just might have some time to look for that horse, too.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Hoss gave Joe a cautious look. \u201cWe get that watch on its way though first, Joseph. I can\u2019t stand Pa mad at us.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYeah, I know. \u2018Bout as hard as puttin\u2019 up with that stink,\u201d Joe quipped as he kicked Cochise and was off. Hoss fell in and they loped their way to town.<\/span><\/p>\n

Upon arriving in Virginia City, Hoss and Joe were able to secure the gift for the President easily enough. It was when they made their way to the stage that their hearts sank. The sign was posted and both read it twice: no stages in or out of Virginia City for the next week. Upon reading, it was evident the stage line was experiencing some profit negotiation difficulties and was determined not to service the town until its price was met. The men looked at each other when they saw the nearest stage service was running out of Carson City. Both knew the disposition of their father and it would not sit well with Ben if they gave up easily. Joe looked at Hoss and both said \u201cCarson City!\u201d at the same time. They were to their horses and away, the package securely in Hoss\u2019s saddlebag.<\/span><\/p>\n

The ride was quiet until they were an hour from their destination. Both saw the old man from the saloon stopped up ahead, looking at the ground. As they rode up to him they stopped as well, determined to see what it was he was up to. The man nodded and smiled, his expression hard to read. \u201cYou boys are good, very good. You have the same sense as me.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Hoss and Joe looked at each other as Joe asked, \u201cSame as you?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYou fellas feel him near, don\u2019t cha? You know horses. That you do. You\u2019re after that Arabie, sure as the world. I\u2019ll curse my name for ever mentionin\u2019 him to ya. You\u2019re after my purse, I know it, but I\u2019ll fight ya, a will!\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Joe heard the man\u2019s concern and decided to proceed with caution. \u201cUh, the stallion\u2019s around? He\u2019s near by? I thought he was with the Ponderosa herd.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cLooks like that Ponderosa stallion fought him off. He seems t\u2019be travelin\u2019 to the sand. Makes sense though when ya think of it, him bein\u2019 Arabie an\u2019 all.\u201d The old man held out a partial shoe, showing them the metal and shaking his head.<\/span><\/p>\n

Hoss took the evidence and examined it as he looked at his little brother. \u201cLarge hoof my eye, Joseph! This pony\u2019s a small one.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Joe looked a bit flustered, but quickly recovered as he looked back at his brother. \u201cUh, so who knew they had small hooves?! Hoss, when was the last time either of us was in Arabia?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Hoss thought a moment and realized Joe did have a point. However, his little brother had been so sure of Arabie stallions. Was he wrong? \u201cBut Joe\u2026you said they had big hooves\u2026\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cSo I got \u2018em mixed up with Egypt horses. You gonna go an\u2019 back out on me now?\u201d Joe whispered as he used his head to point to the old-timer.<\/span><\/p>\n

Hoss looked between his brother and their competitor. He thought a moment and concluded Joe was right; he had expected too much. \u201cUh, this here shoe looks Arabie and I know my shoes. We\u2019ll be moseying along, I guess. We\u2019ll see you \u2018round town.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

The old man looked at his young competitors and seemed a bit worried. \u201cYou boys leave that stallion be. He could hurt you, but good!\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWe\u2019ll do that mister. We\u2019re just riding to Carson City,\u201d Joe said, wanting to lessen suspicion.<\/span><\/p>\n

The old man talked casually to the two a while longer and then rode away, attempting to pursue a dream of money. Joe watched until the man was out of sight before he turned to Hoss and smiled. \u201cWe\u2019re near once again, Hoss, dear brother! Two hundred dollars will soon be ours! I smell that horse in our grasp!\u201d Joe was rubbing his hands together as he spoke.<\/span><\/p>\n

Hoss looked at his little brother, knowing they had a job to do. \u201cJoe, we gotta get that package off to Washington. You heard Pa!\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cUh\u2026yeah, I did, but Pa didn\u2019t really say when. Uh\u2026tell you what. We check out a little on the whereabouts of that stallion and then we get the package off. We got time, Hoss. Come on, we can get $200!\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Hoss thought a moment. They had plenty of time to get to the stage; it was not leaving until late. The money sounded good and he was soon enticed. He needed to refresh his dwindled savings. \u201cWe just look \u2018til we gotta go for the stage? Promise me, Joseph! You agree?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Joe looked at his older brother and nodded. \u201cWe\u2019ll have that horse \u2018fore you can say, \u2018this goes to Washington on your first stage!\u2019\u201d Joe was then gone, pursuing the dream of a stallion. He kicked Cochise hard to the sand dunes, the tiny hoof prints of the Arabian giving him his only guidance.<\/span><\/p>\n

Joe rode cautiously so as to not miss any sign of the renegade animal and Hoss moved closely behind. They worked their way through the sand until the ground became rocky and all signs of the horse disappeared. Both dismounted and began searching on foot for a sign, but the going was slow and the signs remained hidden. Finally they decided to split up to cover more ground. Time was running out and they needed to hurry along.<\/span><\/p>\n

Hoss walked Chub through the area slowly, as he looked for prints. He was busy working when his stomach began to growl and it became a distraction. Remembering he had left some sweetening in his saddlebag, his normal custom in preparing for adversity, he dug through the bag and located the candy easily enough. He carried the stick in his hand as he moved, taking a lick every few steps. The hunger was momentarily quelled and Hoss was once again able to focus on his exploration.<\/span><\/p>\n

The big man soon felt himself in luck when he saw there was a ledge he could walk out on to have a better view of the canyon below. The ledge was somewhat narrow and Hoss had to move carefully. He moved out and looked over, hoping to see the Arabian below. As he looked down, he moved his feet, unaware of where he was putting them. Before he knew it, he had stepped firmly into a crevasse and his foot was caught.<\/span><\/p>\n

No amount of wiggling or jiggling seemed to free Hoss\u2019s foot and he knew he would need his brother\u2019s help to get himself unstuck. He looked around, hoping Joe was within shouting range, but soon realized he would not be able to get his brother by yelling. Hoss reached for his pistol and went to fire it in the air. The next series of events were only a blur in his head. Drawing the gun caused a shifting of rock and Hoss suddenly lost his balance. His flailing, while focusing on the candy, made the gun discharge. The candy fell in the dirt as he tried to re-correct his balance. The bullet fired made Chub rear and the horse was off, running fast and furious, away from the threat.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cDadburn it!\u201d Hoss exclaimed, as he reached down to free his foot. \u201cDropped my sweetenin\u2019, scared my horse\u2026\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWhy\u2019re you shootin\u2019 and what\u2019s wrong with your foot?\u201d Joe asked as he appeared and saw his brother\u2019s contorted face. \u201cYou hurt?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cDawgone it, Joe! I ain\u2019t hurt. I\u2019m stuck! Help me out here!\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWhat in the blue blazes have you done now?\u201d Joe dismounted and moved over to his brother to study the situation. \u201cLeave it to you to get your big ol\u2019 fat foot stuck!\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Joe and Hoss worked to free the ensnared limb and time escaped them. They were finally able to release the rock\u2019s grasp and Hoss fell back free, his hand landing on the candy. Joe reached out to give assistance and soon his hand, too, had the sticky substance on it. \u201cOh jeez, Hoss! Look what \u2018cha done now! Thanks a lot!\u201d Joe wiped his hand on Hoss\u2019s shirt and then walked away shaking his head. He suddenly noticed from the sun\u2019s position in the sky that they would have to get a move on to get to the stage on time. \u201cCome on, Hoss, the day\u2019s wasted. We gotta get that package off. Where\u2019s Chub?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cHe ran off when I shot my gun. I think I came close to him.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cGreat! You almost shoot your horse! I swear you\u2019re more trouble than you\u2019re worth. I\u2019ll go get Chub and you just stand there. Don\u2019t move! Probably go fallin\u2019 off that cliff next!\u201d Joe continued to mutter as he rode away to fetch Chub. He found the animal grazing lazily. Joe grabbed the reins and quickly got back to Hoss, knowing they would now have to hurry to make it to town.<\/span><\/p>\n

Hoss saw his horse and noticed his saddle was askew. Briars and brambles and sand all over it told him Chub had tried to rid himself of the saddle. As he began carefully picking away the debris, Joe barked, \u201cWill you just get on and come on? We gotta get this to the stage. You used up all our free time with your stupid foot.\u201d Joe was then off at a gallop towards town, no longer willing to assist his brother. Hoss muttered something about it not being his fault, then jumped on his horse and followed. The two rode without speaking.<\/span><\/p>\n

Once at the stage, Hoss dismounted and reached for his saddlebag. He noticed a distinctive hole through the bag and quickly lifted it to check and see if his horse was hurt. Joe stood watching with no idea what Hoss was doing. He saw his brother studying his horse\u2019s flank and then appear relieved as he moved to open the bag.<\/span><\/p>\n

Seeing no blood or harm to Chub, Hoss slowly opened the bag and looked inside. He then looked at his little brother, his face suddenly appearing quite ill. He held open the bag and Joe looked in as well. The only thing said was, \u201cOh, Lord\u2026do we have to go home? We can build a new life. Really, it might be best.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

****************************************<\/span><\/p>\n

Morning broke over the ranch and Ben was up with his coffee. He had been concerned the previous evening when Hoss and Joe had not arrived before he had retired for the night, but eventually he heard them come in sometime very late. It was then he could rest easy and allow himself to sleep. Adam soon came down to join his father, but sat on the far end of the table. He found his appetite dwindling as he smelt Hop Sing\u2019s potion for itching. The two men sat quietly discussing the day\u2019s work as Adam attempted to resist the urge to cover his nose. He knew his father would not appreciate the gesture, but it took all his effort not to do it. They had settled into a discussion about branding records, when both Hoss and Joe descended the stairs and moved to the table.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cMornin\u2019, Pa,\u201d the two said in unison as they sat.<\/span><\/p>\n

Ben was immediately suspicious. He knew it was rare for Joe to be up as early as he was without significant pressure to do so and both boys were behaving as if they were one being, a sure sign something was amiss. \u201cMornin\u2019, Hoss. Mornin\u2019, Joe. You boys got in awfully late. You stay in town the whole time? And my package, did it get off okay?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Joe and Hoss exchanged looks, as neither wanted to speak. They knew it would be bad and they diverted their eyes to their plates. Ben saw the reaction and immediately felt nervous. His voice grew louder. \u201cYou did get that package off\u2026didn\u2019t you?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

No answer was given and Ben was enraged. \u201cAnswer me! The package!\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Joe and Hoss sank in their chairs and Hoss was the first to respond. \u201cWhy don\u2019t you fill Pa in\u2026Joseph?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Joe scowled at his brother and, for a moment, the room was deadly silent. He could see his father\u2019s swollen face out of the corner of his eye and he knew this was indeed very, very bad. \u201cWell it\u2019s like this Pa\u2026\u201d Joe could not look at his father as he told the story.<\/span><\/p>\n

Ben sat listening to the tale and felt his temples beginning to throb. He heard about the boys in Carson City and held up his hand. \u201cStop! Why did you not put that package on the stage like I told you to do?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cUh\u2026um\u2026you know when I told you Hoss shot his gun to get my attention?\u201d Joe asked in a very quiet voice.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYes?\u201d Ben asked, afraid to hear the explanation.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cUh\u2026well\u2026uh\u2026um\u2026that bullet\u2026it went into Hoss\u2019s saddlebag\u2026and uh\u2026Pa, you ain\u2019t gonna believe this\u2026it\u2026it\u2026uh\u2026right dead center\u2026it hit\u2026the watch.\u201d Joe closed his eyes as he said the final few words. He was quick to add, \u201cBut Chub\u2019s okay, Pa. The horse is just fine.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYou shot the watch?! Why? You thought it was going to hurt you?! I can\u2019t believe this!\u201d Ben was beyond anger as he slammed his fist down on the table.<\/span><\/p>\n

Adam sat looking on, seeing the humor in the whole ordeal. He dared not say anything, though, knowing it would not help the situation.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cUh, no, \u2018member I told ya\u2026? Hoss was stuck\u2026He needed to get me\u2026so I could help him\u2026.\u2019Member his foot? Hoss\u2019s foot?\u201d As Joe spoke his voice became softer and softer. He knew he was going to receive further yelling and he kicked Hoss under the table.<\/span><\/p>\n

Hoss jumped at the blow, but kept his eyes diverted. He prayed over and over in his head, Don\u2019t let Pa kill us. Please, God! Don\u2019t let Pa kill us.<\/span><\/p>\n

The explosion was enormous. \u201cTHAT\u2019S IT! I have had it with you two buffoons! It is very hard to believe I\u2019m your father right now! As a matter of fact I\u2019d be relieved if someone else claimed you! You two have managed to make my life miserable, ruin a gift to, of all people, the President of the United States and can\u2019t catch one silly horse!<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI tell you what, though: you two are riding into town with me. You will march into the Chamber of Commerce office and you will explain what you\u2019ve done! All of it! You will pay not only for the old watch, but the new watch as well! Do I make myself clear?!\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cPay?\u201d Joe timidly questioned, realizing too late that it was a foolish thing to say.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYou have a problem with that, young man?!\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cUh, no, sir\u2026um\u2026how much was the watch?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t care how much it was, you WILL pay for it! Every penny! Now I suggest you both get ready to ride to town!\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Hoss and Joe dejectedly stood and walked to the front door. Joe\u2019s thoughts were on the loss of money and trying to figure out how it all went so wrong. Hoss\u2019s thoughts were on how angry his father was and how he had been unable to indulge in a decent breakfast.<\/span><\/p>\n

The ride to town was a sober one, as Joe and Hoss focused on the ground in front of their horses and Ben tried to focus on resisting the urge to throttle his boys. He was still showing the effects of his tangle with the poison ivy plant and the ferocious bee, but he knew he had to accompany his sons if they were ever going to complete the now utterly disastrous mission. Adam had made the excuse he had business in town as well, so as to travel with the family and watch how the rest of the ordeal played out.<\/span><\/p>\n

The Cartwrights rode into Virginia City four abreast. Joe and Hoss were in the middle, appearing as if they were wanted men being brought in by the law. Ben steered them directly to the Chamber of Commerce office and marched them through the door. He had momentarily forgotten what he looked like, as he carried himself in a very dignified manner into the office.<\/span><\/p>\n

Tobias O\u2019Doole was working over his desk when he looked up to see Ben Cartwright and his sons enter. He was taken aback by the smell that traveled with them and found himself quickly breathing from his mouth. \u201cBenjamin, what brings you here?\u201d the man asked as he extended his hand out to Ben and nodded to his sons.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cMy sons are here to tell you something. Go ahead, boys, tell Mr. O\u2019Doole what you have done.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Joe and Hoss shuffled their feet and looked at the ground. Hoss swallowed hard and held up the saddlebag in his hands. His younger brother, in almost ceremonial fashion, reached in and took out the contents, handed them to the man and said very quietly, \u201cIt was a bad thing we did. A very bad thing.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

The man looked confused as he took the proffered item. He saw sand begin to fall from it, then his eyes fell on a hole in the center of the package. Slowly he opened and unwrapped the specimen, pulling away the outer brown paper and string. The wooden box that held the gift for the President lay crushed in the paper. That was not the greatest abomination, however. As the man reverently lifted the silver watch and held it up to the two Cartwright brothers, he looked at them through the bullet hole – and was at a complete loss for words. They had shot the town\u2019s gift. But why? What had it done to them?<\/span><\/p>\n

Hoss and Joe winced as the man stared at them. They had no excuse\u2026well, none that made a lick of sense. \u201cWe\u2019re right sorry \u2018bout the watch, Mr. O\u2019Doole, and we\u2019ll pay for it, every penny,\u201d Hoss said as he looked at his father. Ben nodded for him to say more and Hoss continued, \u201cAnd we\u2019ll pay for a new one. Won\u2019t we, Joe?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Joe saw hours of labor ahead of him as he concurred. \u201cUh\u2026how much we owe?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cThe watch was of Comstock Lode Silver, commissioned specially. It cost the town $200 between the silver and the workmanship.\u201d Mr. O\u2019Doole was in shock. Why shoot a watch?<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cMy sons will head to the bank and have $400 to you this afternoon. Won\u2019t you, boys?\u201d Ben held each son by the back of the hair, making them stand up straight as he gave a yank.<\/span><\/p>\n

Joe thought, Why didn\u2019t Hoss listen to my plan yesterday? I still say we shoulda gone ahead an\u2019 put that box on the stage. Let the President believed it got shot in some holdup. Give him somethin\u2019 ta talk about\u2026Four hundred dollars! My back hurts jus\u2019 thinkin\u2019 \u2018bout the work Pa\u2019s gonna give us. He said, \u201cYes, sir. You\u2019ll have your money.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Hoss mumbled a similar response and the two looked back down at the ground. Mr. O\u2019Doole could only accept the money offered – as he thanked God he had no children of his own!<\/span><\/p>\n

The Cartwrights left the Chamber of Commerce office, two members of the family having sad, dejected looks. As they made their way down the sidewalk no one spoke. Several women walked by and all three Cartwright brothers smiled and watched them. However, the women quickly covered their noses with hankies as soon as they caught a whiff of Ben. The eldest Cartwright held his head high, pretending the stench came from elsewhere, but he was secretly longing to ride out to the shelter of his home, vowing he would not return until his wounds had healed.<\/span><\/p>\n

The four men went to the bank, but only Hoss and Joe entered. As they stood in line for the teller, Hoss leaned over and spoke. \u201cThis is all your fault, Joseph. Ever\u2019 bit a it!\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cMy fault?!\u201d Joe\u2019s voice rose an octave. \u201cAs I recall, I didn\u2019t shoot a defenseless watch! Oh, this is just great Hoss! Just great! See if I ever include you again! From now on we\u2019re brothers, nothin\u2019 more!\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cFine with me, you two bit conniving gofer snake! I\u2019ll never trust you again!\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cOh, yeah! Well, see that you never ask to be a part of one of my plans again! And that reminds me – where\u2019s my squirrel gun, anyway, you thief?! You\u2019ve had it goin\u2019 on two months! Give it back, if ya know what\u2019s good for you!\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019ll get your sorry ol\u2019 gun back!\u201d Hoss glared. \u201cAnd give me back my good rope. You\u2019re always stealin\u2019 my stuff!\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI ain\u2019t got your dumb ol\u2019 rope and if I did\u2026\u201d Joe\u2019s last insult was interrupted by a pretty blonde teller. \u201cMay I help you?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cUh\u2026yeah.\u201d Joe\u2019s eyes caught hold of the teller. Gone was the angry brother and in his place was the smooth talking man about town. \u201cI need to make a withdrawal. I bet you could help me.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

The pretty girl and Joe stood flirting while the rest of the bank waited. Finally, the teller handed him the money, their hands touching for a brief moment. Joe gave a smile and a wink and then turned and swaggered out. It was only when Joe was out of the bank that his stomach knotted. He had had to take his half of the money owed from his special fund\u2026the secret stash he used to woo with. He was now flat broke.<\/span><\/p>\n

Hoss had watched his brother operate and rolled his eyes. Joe\u2019s behavior was a disgusting display. The big man moved up to the teller and smiled brightly. He felt shy and it was hard to look her in the eye, but he did – and she smiled at him. As he conducted his business, the teller responded sweetly, and she gave him a pat on the hand when she gave him the money. Hoss left the bank walking tall. Joseph wasn\u2019t the only man in the Cartwright family who could woo a woman.<\/span><\/p>\n

Hoss joined the rest of his family outside and they traveled further down the sidewalk. Suddenly, Ben remembered something he needed to do and said, \u201cBoys, while I\u2019m here I need to go see the attorney a moment. Adam, come with me, please. You two\u2026do I need to tie you to a hitching post?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

The two just shook their heads and diverted their eyes as Ben stood staring at them for a moment. He finally turned away from them and moved across the street, Adam alongside. From there they moved into the attorney\u2019s office and out of sight. The two youngest Cartwrights watched as the two oldest ones departed. Joe took up a position leaning with his hip on the hitching post, while Hoss stood arms crossed, determined not to look at his little brother. There was tension in the air as the brothers waited.<\/span><\/p>\n

Joe\u2019s eyes were traveling the street, watching nothing in particular, when all of a sudden he saw the old man. He had a rope and was sneaking around, his actions suspicious. Joe instinctively slapped his brother and pointed. Hoss watched as well, still feeling the sting of dwindled savings. The two looked at each other and their thoughts were the same: $200!<\/span><\/p>\n

Joe and Hoss crept across the street after their prey, staying in shadows and behind posts as they moved. What they did not know was that Adam had been watching them and saw the mysterious antics of his brothers. He moved across to his father and whispered something into his ear. Ben perked up and concluded his business. He would catch the boys red-handed. Would they never learn?<\/span><\/p>\n

The scene was strange: the old man was creeping down an alley shadowed by two young men; behind them two others trailed, watching. The caravan moved down the alley and then stopped, Joe and Hoss holding back. They heard a horse kicking against wood; the fighting sounded fierce. The old man pulled away from the noise and shook his head. He held in his hand another metal shoe, several shredded pieces of purple cloth and, the final piece of evidence, a fancy bit.<\/span><\/p>\n

The old man looked at his hands as if trying to convince himself that it would be worth risking life and limb for the capture of the stallion. He paused and waited, then shook his head. He couldn\u2019t do it. He threw down the evidence along with his lariat and walked out of the alley.<\/span><\/p>\n

Joe and Hoss exchanged looks. It was now theirs to claim. The reward was theirs! They would be able to recoup half their losses and for that each was more than willing to tangle with the Arabie stallion. After all there were two of them. How simply could you get?<\/span><\/p>\n

Joe grabbed the rope and gestured to Hoss to move to the other side of the alley. They would then close in around the corner and the horse would soon be on the end of the rope. Joe and Hoss watched each other, working together on timing. They watched each other\u2019s eyes and then nodded – it was time to grab the horse.<\/span><\/p>\n

The two men rounded the blind corner, Joe with the rope out and swinging and Hoss ready to make a distraction, his arms high in the air. All of a sudden Hoss\u2019s arms fell and Joe\u2019s swinging of the rope stopped. Both men stood frozen. They could not believe their eyes. No! It couldn\u2019t be! What the heck?<\/span><\/p>\n

Ben and Adam stood looking on when they saw the two youngest family members move from tense anticipation to limp confusion. Joe and Hoss stood shaking their heads from side to side and a cackle was heard coming from nearby. Ben and Adam moved in to see and the sight made them laugh. There at the end of the alley stood\u2026a jackass. It was dressed in a crown and covered with purple cloth. Three men then emerged from a doorway to the alley; their laughter was the cackling that had been heard. Al and Double Del had finally reaped their revenge. They could hardly stand as laughter overwhelmed them. They held out $200 to the third man there – the old-timer. He took the money and, through tears of laughter, said, \u201cI thank you, boys, indeed!\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Joe and Hoss knew immediately they had been the subjects of a horrid practical joke. They consoled themselves quietly. \u201cHa, ha! Very funny! I oughta pound you both!\u201d Joe said, trying to maintain control.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cAh, ah, ah, Joseph, that would not be good manners. Take your lesson like a man,\u201d Double Del taunted.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cDadburn you both! Consarn it all!\u201d Hoss exclaimed. \u201cVery funny, fellas! Come on, Joe, Pa\u2019ll be lookin\u2019 for us. We can at least stay outta trouble there. After all, no one else saw this little stunt.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cThink again, Hoss!\u201d Al broke out laughing once more as he pointed all around him.<\/span><\/p>\n

Joe and Hoss looked at each other, shaking their heads and fearing the truth. They slowly turned and saw a most terrible sight: there were people in windows and doorways, hanging out and watching the capture of the \u201cstallion.\u201d The laughter was deafening as the town enjoyed the prank. Soon money was being exchanged. The bet had been who would win in the end – the ass or the asses.<\/span><\/p>\n

What was worse, though, was when Hoss\u2019s and Joe\u2019s eyes fell on their loved ones, the ones they had hoped had not witnessed their shame. It was soon evident that all been seen! There stood behind them their father and older brother, shaking their heads and laughing hysterically. It was Joe\u2019s and Hoss\u2019s fate to endure the ridicule.<\/span><\/p>\n

Finally Ben spoke, though it was hard through the laughter. He gave his boys his final words of wisdom as he draped his arms around their shoulders. Feeling relieved the ordeal was now over and his sons could now focus on the ranch, he had to rub it in a bit. The situation deserved it. Ben looked each boy in the eye, trying not to laugh as he spoke. \u201cIf either of you wanted to rope an ass, you could have simply roped each other!\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

The End<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/div>\n

<\/g><\/svg><\/i> \"Loading\"<\/p>\n

<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Summary: \u00a0A comedy with Hoss and Joe showing just how risky it is to team up together to get a reward. Getting rich was never supposed to be simple!<\/p>\n

\u00a0Rated: K (9,780 words)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":7721,"featured_media":28366,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"template-full-width-post.php","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[23,4],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2499","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-drama","category-humor","wpcat-23-id","wpcat-4-id"],"a3_pvc":{"activated":true,"total_views":974,"today_views":0},"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/04\/Hoss-and-Joe-3.jpg?fit=259%2C194&ssl=1","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":6768,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=6768","url_meta":{"origin":2499,"position":0},"title":"A Deadly Day (by rosecartwright)","author":"rosecartwright","date":"November 4, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"Summary: \u00a0Joe is home sick, but things go downhill for this young Cartwright. \u00a0 Rated:\u00a0K+ (635 words)","rel":"","context":"In "Drama"","block_context":{"text":"Drama","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?cat=23"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/11\/2-joe.jpg?fit=237%2C221&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":2981,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=2981","url_meta":{"origin":2499,"position":1},"title":"Brothers and Mud (by frasrgrl)","author":"frasrgrl","date":"April 24, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"Summary:\u00a0 \u00a0This is my entry for April's 2013 Chaps & Spurs\/Pinecone Trifecta.A WHIB for Springtime. 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Rated: K\u00a0 (700 words)","rel":"","context":"In "Chaps and Spurs"","block_context":{"text":"Chaps and Spurs","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?cat=39"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/cutthroat-junction.jpg?fit=301%2C303&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":2804,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=2804","url_meta":{"origin":2499,"position":3},"title":"Where’s Little Joe? (by frasrgrl)","author":"frasrgrl","date":"April 10, 2011","format":false,"excerpt":"Summary:\u00a0 \u00a0Adam was put in charge of watching two-year-old Little Joe while Ben and Marie are in town, but there's a problem. Where did he disappear to? Word Count: 1,056\u00a0 Rated: K","rel":"","context":"In "Drama"","block_context":{"text":"Drama","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?cat=23"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/house1.jpg?fit=1200%2C790&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/house1.jpg?fit=1200%2C790&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/house1.jpg?fit=1200%2C790&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/house1.jpg?fit=1200%2C790&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/house1.jpg?fit=1200%2C790&ssl=1&resize=1050%2C600 3x"},"classes":[]},{"id":7741,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=7741","url_meta":{"origin":2499,"position":4},"title":"Letting Go (by DJK)","author":"DJK","date":"May 9, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"Summary: What Hoss had to say about Adam's leaving. Rated: K+\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Word count: 1046","rel":"","context":"In "Adam \/ Hoss"","block_context":{"text":"Adam \/ Hoss","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?cat=1090"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/12\/A-H.jpg?fit=276%2C284&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":6617,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=6617","url_meta":{"origin":2499,"position":5},"title":"August Moon (by Rider)","author":"Rider","date":"May 4, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"Summary: \u00a0Little Joe Cartwright celebrates his 21st birthday with his family on the Ponderosa Ranch. 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