{"id":2529,"date":"2005-12-29T23:27:07","date_gmt":"2005-12-30T04:27:07","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=2529"},"modified":"2025-02-27T12:10:32","modified_gmt":"2025-02-27T17:10:32","slug":"a-fitting-goodbye","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=2529","title":{"rendered":"A Fitting Goodbye (by Kenda)"},"content":{"rendered":"

Summary: \u00a0<\/span>A story inspired by the 14th season aired episode “Stallion.” Joe has been the person his father leaned on during the difficult months after Hoss’s death. Now it’s Ben who must help Joe find a way to say a fitting goodbye to the brother he loved. \u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

This story can be read on its own; however, it does make references to my story Conquering the Stillness Within<\/a>.<\/p>\n

Rated:<\/span>\u00a0K (5,415 words)
\n<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

* \u201cA Fitting Goodbye\u201d was inspired by the 14th season aired episode, \u201cStallion.\u201d Some events in this story make reference to my novel-length story, \u201cConquering the Stillness Within.\u201d\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

\n

~ ~ ~<\/span><\/p>\n

The risk of love is loss, and the price of loss is grief.<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0(Hilary Stanton Zunin)<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0~ ~ ~<\/span><\/p>\n

A Fitting Goodbye<\/strong><\/p>\n

I\u2019d waited all day for their return.<\/strong> If I\u2019d been ten years younger, I wouldn\u2019t have. I\u2019d have gone after Joseph myself, instead of sending Candy and Griff. But my age was catching up with me, and I could no longer spend endless hours on Buck, riding over rough terrain. Or at least I couldn\u2019t if I still wanted to walk when I slid out of the saddle. And \u201cslid\u201d was the accurate way of describing my dismount on many days now. My hips no longer functioned with the ease they used to, and my right knee bothered me off and on, too. \u201cRheumatism\u201d Paul Martin called it. Or possibly it was \u201carthritis.\u201d That was the new-fangled word used by the doctor Adam had me see the last time I visited him and Laddie in Boston.<\/span><\/p>\n

Because of my rheumatism, or arthritis, or whatever one wants to call it, I was standing on the porch, listening for the distant \u2018clomp clomp clomp\u2019 of horses\u2019 hooves. When I finally heard that sound, I stepped off the porch, walking across the ranch yard to greet the riders.<\/span><\/p>\n

Candy came around the barn first, followed by Griff. I craned my neck, peering around Griff\u2019s horse, sure I\u2019d see Joe on the stallion he had yet to name, with Cochise trailing along behind. I even smiled a little; the picture in mind so vivid that it almost seemed real. Poor Cochise. His nose had been pushed out of joint ever since the stallion\u2019s arrival. Not that I could blame him. He\u2019d been Joseph\u2019s pride and joy for over 20 years now. He was probably feeling a bit like an only child who thought he\u2019d lost favor to his \u201cfather\u2019s\u201d new baby.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cDon\u2019t worry, Cochise,\u201d I\u2019d told him one day when Joe was out riding the stallion, and Cochise stood alone in the corral looking mournful. \u201cHe\u2019ll come back to you. If you\u2019re going to be angry with someone, be angry with me. I\u2019m the one who gave Little Joe his new toy.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Cochise nudged me hard with his nose then, just like he\u2019d understood what I\u2019d said. I chuckled as I reached up to rub a hand over the horse\u2019s neck, trying to make amends with him. My amusement gave way to sadness in the same swift manner summer rain clouds can move in and hide the sun. What I\u2019d said to Cochise about the stallion being Joe\u2019s new toy, though said in jest, actually held more truth than I wanted to acknowledge. I\u2019d given Joe the stallion for his birthday, not because he\u2019d needed, or even asked for the horse, but because I wanted to see him smile again. Because I didn\u2019t know what else to do for the son who\u2019d lost so much during the past year.<\/span><\/p>\n

First a treasured brother \u2013 Joe\u2019s best friend in more ways than I can name \u2013 then a beloved wife and unborn child.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

So, as though my youngest son was still a little boy and not a grown man, I\u2019d tried to come up with ways to make him happy again. To somehow give him back all that had been taken from him. It was a foolish notion. I knew that right from the start. You can\u2019t replace loved ones who have passed on. I\u2019m \u201cold enough to know better,\u201d as my own father would have said if he\u2019d been able to observe my actions since the deaths of Hoss and Alice, but that didn\u2019t stop me from trying.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

First it was offering Joe a trip to Boston to spend time with Adam, Laddie, and the little girls. Three-year-old Elizabeth Josephine had been joined by two sisters. Sarah Grace, who\u2019d just celebrated her second birthday, and baby Emmaline Rose. Despite his love for Adam\u2019s family, Joe turned down that offer. As I told Adam in a letter I\u2019d mailed him shortly thereafter, while I thought it would do Joe a world of good to get away, I supposed my offer, though well intentioned, was poorly timed. The last thing Joe probably wanted was to be in a home made warm by the presence of a wife, and lit with joy by two rambunctious toddlers and a baby that was just learning to crawl. The baby who, every time Joe looked at her, would only remind him further of what he\u2019d lost in that fire.<\/span><\/p>\n

After that offer, came my offer to send him to San Francisco for two weeks just to \u201crelax and do whatever you want to, Joe. Anything at all. The bill\u2019s on me.\u201d When that was turned down, I suggested he make a visit to Arizona, where Tuck and his wife had purchased a ranch several years earlier. When that offer, too, was refused, I said one evening at dinner, \u201cHow about if you and I take a trip to New Orleans? We haven\u2019t been there since you were a boy. We could get reacquainted with the city. I could show you where I met your mother. The places she and I went to. Maybe we could look up her family \u2013 see who might be left.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

That\u2019s when he looked at me and said what had undoubtedly been on his mind each and every time I\u2019d suggested I pay for a trip to anywhere he might want to go.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cPa,\u201d he said in a voice husky with emotion, \u201cyou can send me to the ends of the earth, and it won\u2019t make a difference. Hoss, and Alice, and my. . .\u201d he paused and swallowed hard, as though he was clearing tears from his voice, \u201c. . .my baby, will still be dead. They\u2019ll still be gone. I know you mean well, but you can\u2019t bring them back. As much as you want to, you can\u2019t, and no trip\u2026no matter how far away, is gonna make me forget that when I get home, they won\u2019t be here.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI know, Joe. I know. But–\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cNo,\u201d he shook his head.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

I could tell he wanted to say more \u2013 I saw his mouth move as though he was trying to, but he couldn\u2019t get any words out. He stood, mumbled something about having chores to do in the barn before it got dark, and walked out of the house, leaving his plate half-filled with food.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

I remained where I was, sitting alone at that big table that now held too many empty chairs, a tear slowly trailing down my cheek because I wanted nothing more than to take his pain away. If Hoss had been there, he\u2019d have said, \u201cAw, Pa, don\u2019t take it so hard. Yer doin\u2019 all ya\u2019 can for Joe. He knows that, and he loves ya\u2019 for it. Just give him some time. He\u2019ll work it out for himself. He always does.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Yes, Hoss,<\/em>\u00a0I thought, as though I\u2019d really heard my middle son say those words.\u00a0He usually does work things out for himself, but this time he\u2019s lost so much so quickly. First you, son, then Alice and the baby. On some days, I\u2019m afraid he\u2019s suffered more than he can bear.<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cNow don\u2019t ya\u2019 go underestimatin\u2019 him, Pa. Joe\u2019s a tough little bugger. Probably the toughest one a\u2019 the Cartwright bunch. He\u2019ll be okay. I promise ya\u2019, Pa, he\u2019ll be fine.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

It was as I heard those words in my head that I cried for my middle child. Not that I hadn\u2019t cried before, you understand, but it had been months since my grief for Hoss brought forth an open display of emotion. On most days, I grieved inwardly, while asking God why he\u2019d taken Hoss instead of me. After all, I was an old man. I\u2019d lived long enough to raise my sons to adulthood. To see them all become fine men. I could have gone peacefully to my grave, knowing that Hoss and Joe would run the Ponderosa side by side for years to come, and that Adam was happy in Boston with a wife he adored, and three little girls he doted over like they were rare and fragile china dolls.<\/span><\/p>\n

After that night, I didn\u2019t say any more to Joe about a trip. Instead, I found myself trying to think of something I could give him for his birthday that would be special \u2013 something that would draw him out of his grief and put a sparkle in his eyes again. And it wasn\u2019t long after that, when I first heard about the stallion. The \u201cmost magnificent animal you\u2019ve ever seen, Ben,\u201d Lowell Tanner told me. \u201cRuns like the wind, and would make a jim-dandy stud. I\u2019d have bought him myself, but the price was a little steep for my wallet. I thought of the Ponderosa, though. Thought you might be interested in him.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Joe was usually the man on the Ponderosa who made decisions about what horses we bought, and which ones we chose not to buy, but this time I made the decision. I contacted the stallion\u2019s owner, promptly received information about the animal via a telegram, thought it over for a few days, then wired the man the money he was asking for the horse, along with instructions on how to ship the animal to me. I\u2019d never bought a horse sight unseen before, and he cost me far more than I\u2019d ever spent on a birthday gift for any of my boys, but the money didn\u2019t matter. If I could buy Joe some happiness, then I\u2019d sell the Ponderosa to earn the cash to do so.<\/span><\/p>\n

I\u2019ll admit to some trepidation as Joe and I rode toward the train the day the stallion was due to arrive. I was afraid he\u2019d see right through my intentions the moment he spotted the horse, and just like with my offers of a trip, the gift would be rebuffed.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Foolish old man,<\/em>\u00a0I chided myself.\u00a0You don\u2019t even know for certain that this horse is all Lowell claims him to be. You might have spent three thousand dollars on an old nag.<\/em>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

I chased those thoughts away as the boxcar door rolled open, and Joe\u2019s birthday gift was revealed to both of us for the first time. Joe\u2019s face initially remained expressionless. I could tell, though, that he wasn\u2019t upset with the present, but instead, just plain shocked by it.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

The animal was the picture of beauty. Rich ebony in color, with a broad strong chest, and long muscular legs made for running. And then I saw what I\u2019d wanted to see most \u2013 a smile. Joe couldn\u2019t stop grinning as he studied the horse, ran his hands over it, and then set it to loping, trotting, and galloping a few yards away from the track. He looked just like he used to as a little boy on Christmas morning \u2013 his face shining with delight, and his eyes sparkling with excitement when he caught his first glimpse of the presents piled beneath the tree as he raced down the stairs three steps ahead of Hoss.<\/span><\/p>\n

After putting the stallion through some easy paces, Joe shot me a grin filled with mischief. I knew what he had in mind even before he took off alongside the train.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cJoseph, be careful!\u201d I called. I shook my head as though I disapproved of his actions \u2013 and I should have disapproved of them \u2013 but in all honesty, I was so happy to see\u00a0Joe happy,<\/em>\u00a0that I didn\u2019t care if he raced that train all the way to New York City.<\/span><\/p>\n

I did voice my disapproval when I finally caught up to him after watching him jump the tracks just feet in front of the speeding locomotive engine. But Joe didn\u2019t take me too seriously, and I don\u2019t suppose I sounded very stern now that I think back on it. He kidded me then, telling me he\u2019d race me home. He took off on the stallion, headed for the Ponderosa, his laughter drifting back to Buck, Cochise, and me, as we trailed along behind him.<\/span><\/p>\n

I lost count in the coming days of how many times I caught him standing in the corral admiring the stallion, or rubbing the animal\u2019s nose as he spoke softly to him in the barn. I also lost count of how many times he said, \u201cThanks, Pa. He\u2019s a terrific birthday present.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

No, the horse didn\u2019t replace a brother, or a wife, or a child, but for a little while, he did make Joe smile again, and that\u2019s all I\u2019d wanted.<\/span><\/p>\n

So when Candy and Griff returned without Joe or the stallion, I knew something was wrong.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWhat\u2019s going on?\u201d I asked as I approached the pair. \u201cWhere\u2019s Joe?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t know,\u201d Candy said.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWhat do you mean you don\u2019t know?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cHe headed off toward the lake on Cochise. Told me and Griff to come on back here.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWell, where\u2019s the stallion then?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cHe. . .uh. . .\u201d Candy glanced at Griff, then looked back down at me. \u201cHe\u2019s dead, Mr. Cartwright.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cDead?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYeah,\u201d Candy nodded. He dismounted, passing the reins of his horse off to Griff, who headed toward the barn to tend to the tired animals.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWhat happened?\u201d I asked my foreman. \u201cJoe\u2019s stallion. . .\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

That\u2019s when Candy told me about that man \u2013 Billy Brenner \u2013 who\u2019d stopped by a few days earlier, looking for a job. I didn\u2019t have any work for him, and when I suggested he try the railroad, or the mines, he had ready-made excuses why railroad work and mining wasn\u2019t for him. Based on those responses, I knew what kind of man he was. The kind who doesn\u2019t like to break a sweat, and drifts from job to job, most likely because he was fired as soon as someone figured out that the only thing Billy Brenner wanted to work hard at was being lazy.<\/span><\/p>\n

I was polite to the man, but I had to be firm when he wouldn\u2019t take no for an answer. As I walked away, I was aware that he and Joe exchanged words. I wasn\u2019t too certain what happened, and later, when I asked Joe what was said, he replied with, \u201cNothin\u2019 to worry about, Pa. I asked him in for a meal \u2013 wanted to see if there was a way we could help him get by for a few days, maybe give me some time to think of a shopkeeper in Virginia City who might be looking for help \u2013 but I guess I offended him.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cOffended him? How? Sounds like a generous gesture to me.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cEvidently it didn\u2019t sound like one to Brenner. He didn\u2019t appreciate being offered charity from a \u201crich kid.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cOh, I see.\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

I didn\u2019t say anything else. I didn\u2019t need to. All three of my boys had dealt with that kind of attitude from time to time. People who thought Ben Cartwright\u2019s sons didn\u2019t have to work hard on the Ponderosa each day, people who thought I didn\u2019t require that they pull their weight, people who thought that, because you had money, life never gave you any hard knocks. Well, I knew better than that, and so did Joe. Had he been younger, Brenner\u2019s attitude would likely have caused him to stew over what was said for the better part of the day. But he was old enough now to quickly put it behind him, and realize he\u2019d done all he could for the man. If Brenner didn\u2019t want to accept Joe\u2019s offer of a hot meal, then so be it. What neither Joe nor I anticipated that morning, was that Billy Brenner would show up again a few days later just as dawn was breaking, and make off with Joe\u2019s stallion.<\/span><\/p>\n

Candy continued his story, telling me how Joe had met up with Brenner\u2019s young son on the trail, and how Brenner had engaged Joe in a gun battle, and how the man had accidentally shot his own boy. Joe had gone for a doctor then, choosing to take the stallion over Rockback Ridge, cutting off a good twelve to thirteen miles of the journey to Virginia City. Unfortunately, asking the horse to travel over the Ridge after Brenner had been running him at top speed for several hours, proved to be too much for the animal. It collapsed in a meadow just as Candy and Griff came upon Joe. At that point, Joe instructed Griff to ride the rest of the way to Virginia City and bring back the doctor.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cThe good news is, the boy \u2013 Tommy, I think his name was \u2013 is gonna be fine. Doc says he\u2019ll pull through with plenty of food and rest.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWhat about Brenner?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cJoe\u2019s refusing to press charges. Just told the man to take good care of his son right before we rode outta there.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cAnd you don\u2019t have any idea where Joe is now?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cNo. Other than what I already said. He headed toward the lake.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

I didn\u2019t respond to Candy as I turned for the barn.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWhere you goin\u2019?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cTo saddle Buck. Do me a favor and tell Hop Sing to keep supper in the warmer. It might be dark before Joe and I are back.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYou know where he is?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI think so,\u201d I said, but didn\u2019t offer Candy any further information as I went into the barn and saddled my horse.<\/span><\/p>\n

~ ~ ~<\/span><\/p>\n

I found Joseph where I instinctively knew I would. In all the times I\u2019d gone up there to visit that grave, I\u2019d never run across him. I\u2019d always assumed he paid his respects to his brother just as often as I did, but that either by chance, or deliberate planning on Joe\u2019s part, we were never there at the same time. However, I soon found out my assumptions were wrong.<\/span><\/p>\n

Cochise was tied to a low hanging branch of a Ponderosa Pine. He nickered softly at Buck in greeting as I dismounted and looped Buck\u2019s reins around the same branch.<\/span><\/p>\n

Just from the sounds the horses made, Joe must have known I was there, but he didn\u2019t turn away from the gravestone. He sat on the bench he\u2019d had made for this spot by a craftsman in San Francisco, so I could sit whenever I visited the place where Hoss was buried. We were in the midst of what the boys had always jokingly referred to as \u201cHoss Heaven,\u201d because it was Hoss\u2019s favorite location on the ranch. Lake Tahoe spread out far below us, its blue waters shimmering silver in the fading fall sunlight. God knows I had always thought this was where Hoss would someday build a house for his bride, not the place we\u2019d lay him to rest long before we should have had to.<\/span><\/p>\n

I slowly approached the bench and sat down next to Joe. I didn\u2019t say anything, but instead, stared at the stone as my youngest son was doing. I silently read the words Joe had chosen for the marker without my input, because I\u2019d been too encased with grief to be of much help when it came to planning Hoss\u2019s funeral.<\/span><\/p>\n

Eric Benjamin \u201cHoss\u201d Cartwright<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

Born: September 5th, 1836
\nDied: July 18th, 1875<\/p>\n

Beloved son and brother<\/p>\n

A big man with a big heart, who will be forever missed by all who knew him<\/p>\n

When the silence stretched on between us, I placed an arm around Joe\u2019s shoulders.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cA big man with a big heart, who will be forever missed by all who knew him,\u201d I quoted softly. \u201cThose words describe your brother so well, Joseph.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

I barely heard his husky, \u201cI thought so.\u201d He wouldn\u2019t look at me, but I could see him furiously blinking at the tears that suddenly filled his eyes. \u201cThere was a lot more I wanted to say, but how. . .\u201d He stopped to clear his throat. \u201cNo matter what words I would have had engraved on that stone, how does a person really say a fitting goodbye to the man who was both his brother and best friend?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019ve said a fitting goodbye, Joe. You\u2019ve said it every day since Hoss left us.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cHow?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cBy the way you\u2019ve helped me. I couldn\u2019t have gotten through this without you, son.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

I felt him shrug beneath my hand, as though the fact that he\u2019d had to make all the arrangements by himself, and notify Adam, and write the eulogy, and give the eulogy, and be an unwavering presence by my side during those first difficult days, meant nothing.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

It\u2019s funny, but when Joe was a boy, and later a teenager, and then a young man, I never thought he\u2019d be the son I\u2019d come to rely on the most. I never thought he\u2019d be the son I\u2019d grow to depend on the most. The child of my \u201cold age\u201d I sometimes teased Marie. The whirlwind of motion that forever kept me chasing after him, and trying to stay one step ahead of him. I can\u2019t even begin to count the number of sleepless nights he gave me throughout his teen and young adult years. Then a maturing that took even me by surprise, started to happen when Joe was about 22. And while the whirlwind was still present at times, as was the hotheaded teenager, along with the impish prankster and master practical joker, I started to see the man Joe was to become.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

After Adam left home, Joe seemed to mature even more. As I grew older with each passing year, he willingly took on additional responsibilities when it came to running the Ponderosa, never once complaining about anything I asked him to do, in the same way Hoss never complained about additional responsibilities, either. From my laid-back middle son, I expected the easy-going compliance. But admittedly, that same compliance from my temperamental youngest wasn’t something I could have ever predicted back in the days when Joseph would go off “half cocked,” as I used to say, over whatever had him riled at the moment. Then after Hoss died, Joe never hesitated to let me lean on him, both literally and figuratively speaking. I know there must have been times when his own grief for his brother so overwhelmed him that he could hardly bear to be burdened with mine, but he never voiced that, and he never showed it, and there was never a moment when he didn\u2019t freely offer me whatever it was I needed from him \u2013 be it to make the funeral arrangements, send the telegram to Adam that told him of Hoss\u2019s passing, or accompanying me on long quiet rides around the Ponderosa during those first weeks after Hoss\u2019s death, when I couldn\u2019t stand to be alone in the house.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

When Joe finally spoke again, he admitted, \u201cI don\u2019t think I\u2019ve ever really said a very fitting goodbye to him.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cNo? Why not?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cThis is. . .\u201d he swallowed hard, as though he couldn\u2019t speak past a lump in his throat. \u201cThis is the first time I\u2019ve been up here since we buried Hoss.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

I was surprised by that revelation, but was careful not to let on. I didn\u2019t want him to think he\u2019d earned my disapproval by not being able to visit his brother\u2019s grave.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cHoss would understand. He\u2019d understand better than anyone, you know that.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

A tiny smile played around the edges of Joe\u2019s mouth. \u201cYeah, I guess he would. Hoss seemed to know me better than I knew myself on most days.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cHoss was perceptive that way. He loved you, Joe. He may not have ever come right out and said that, but he loved you very much.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Joe nodded, barely able to speak now. \u201cI know. . .I know he did. I miss him, Pa. God, I miss him so much,\u201d he whispered, his voice breaking and his body slumping sideways under the crushing weight of grief.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

I held him close and rubbed his back as he buried his head in my chest, crying for the loss that still felt as fresh and sharp as the slash of a knife across the tender skin of an open palm. I wanted to cry too, but this time it was my turn to be strong for him where Hoss\u2019s passing was concerned.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI know you miss him, son.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI. . .some mornings I wake up and almost forget he\u2019s gone. I head to his room to tell him something, or I think of some trick I\u2019m gonna play on him, and then. . .and then I remember that I can\u2019t ever tell him anything again, or that I\u2019ll never hear him say, \u2018Dadburn yer hide, little brother. I\u2019ll git you for that.\u2019 \u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

I chuckled. \u201cHe said that often enough throughout the years.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Joe gave a small laugh. \u201cYeah, he sure did. If he were here, he\u2019d probably tell you that I gave him plenty of good reasons to say it.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m sure he would.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

He wiped at his face, then sat up. He still wouldn\u2019t look at me, but I could see the tears running down his cheeks yet.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cIf. . .if the baby had been a boy, Alice and I were gonna name him Eric.<\/span>
\nShe. . .Alice, she kept saying she knew it was a boy, and that we didn\u2019t need to bother to pick out a girl\u2019s name. I told her she was being silly, but she said. . .she said women just know things like that sometimes.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

I nodded. \u201cThey seem to. From the day she told me she was with child, Elizabeth said Adam was a boy, and Inger claimed the same the entire time she carried Hoss. And your mother always said she had no doubts you were a boy.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

He shifted just enough to catch my eye. \u201cWhy?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cBecause you kicked her so much that she just knew you were in a hurry to make your appearance, and then scamper off somewhere in search of trouble.\u201d I smiled. \u201cAnd how right she proved to be.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Joe smiled. \u201cYeah, guess so. Back in my younger days, I gave you quite a run for your money, didn\u2019t I.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYou certainly did, but allow me to assure you, it\u2019s a run I wouldn\u2019t have wanted to miss out on.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

His eyes shifted back to Hoss\u2019s stone.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cPa. . .Pa, I\u2019m sorry about the horse. He. . .he\u2019s. . .\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI know, Joe. Candy told me. It\u2019s all right.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cNo, it\u2019s not all right. I loved that horse. He was a birthday gift from you. A beautiful birthday gift that was special to me.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cAnd I remember a time when you almost got yourself killed trying to give me a beautiful horse for my birthday. That horse did his job, Joe \u2013 he kept you safe and got you back to me, just like your horse got help for Tommy Brenner, and kept him safe for his father.\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

When he didn\u2019t answer, I gave his shoulder a firm squeeze. I knew his grief wasn\u2019t just about that horse, or the thought that he\u2019d somehow let me down when it came to the care and well being of his birthday present. I knew his grief was about a brother, a wife, and an unborn child, and all the loss he\u2019d suffered during the past 18 months. As much as I wanted to, I couldn\u2019t bring back to life the people my son loved. The Lord well knew if I possessed such magic, Hoss, and Alice, and a healthy baby, would have been sitting beside us on that bench. I could, however, give Joe a small bit of joy to cling to, that I hoped, in turn, would sustain him when it came time for him to say a final goodbye to me.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cDave sent one of the Jensen boys out to the ranch with a telegram this morning.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cA telegram?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cFrom Adam. He and Laddie are coming home, son.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

His brows knit together. \u201cYou mean for a visit?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cNo, I mean to live. Adam was finally able to get someone set up as his replacement. He and Laddie are coming here to take charge of the school.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

By \u201cthe school\u201d I meant the school for the blind that Joe had gotten off the ground and running in Virginia City shortly after Elizabeth was born. At that time, it was Adam\u2019s intention for he and Laddie to relocate to Nevada and run the school, but things hadn\u2019t worked out that way. A suitable replacement for Adam as administrator of the Boston Institute for the Blind hadn\u2019t been found, and so a series of men had rotated in and out of that position at the Institute\u2019s Virginia City school.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cAdam and Laddie. . .coming here? And the girls, too?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

I laughed. \u201cOf course the girls, too. I don\u2019t think Adam would leave his princesses in Boston, do you?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Joe laughed as he realized the absurdity of his question. \u201cNo, I don\u2019t suppose he would.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

We hadn\u2019t seen little Emmaline yet, and the last time we\u2019d seen Laddie, Elizabeth, and Sarah, was just a few months before Hoss died, when he, Joe, and I traveled to Boston for a visit. Laddie had been carrying Emmaline when Hoss passed away, so she didn\u2019t make the trip West for the funeral. Adam had traveled by himself on the Transcontinental Railroad; Joe making the decision to delay the service until his brother could arrive.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Adam\u2019s stay with us had been brief, but in that short amount of time he must have seen how much we needed him. Or maybe I\u2019d frightened him the day after we\u2019d laid Hoss to rest, when I grabbed his arm and begged with vacant eyes, \u201cPlease, Adam, don\u2019t make your little brother bury me alone someday. Don\u2019t leave him here by himself with no one.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Now, with the arrival of my oldest son\u2019s telegram, I had the assurance that Joseph would have Adam, Laddie, and their daughters in his life as time went on. I prayed every day that God would send another woman to him \u2013 a woman he could love as much as he\u2019d loved Alice \u2013 who would cherish him and give him the children he so richly deserved. But if that didn\u2019t happen, I could still go to my grave at peace, knowing there was family nearby to help him through the years to come.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m glad Adam\u2019s coming home, Pa. It\u2019ll be good to have him here. Laddie and the little girls, too.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m glad as well, son. Children don\u2019t stay small for long, so I believe this is just the right time for Adam to make this move. The girls will have the opportunity to grow up around their Uncle Joe.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cAdam might not be too fond of that idea after he gives it more thought. Especially if I put Elizabeth up to trouble, like I did the last time we saw her.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cOh, I think Adam knows what he\u2019s getting into where you\u2019re concerned.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Joe grinned. \u201cYeah, I imagine he does.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Daylight was fading, and with the early evening hours came autumn\u2019s chill. I clapped Joe\u2019s shoulder as I stood.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cCome on. Hop Sing\u2019ll have supper waiting for us by the time we get home.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Joe stood, but paused in front of Hoss\u2019s grave.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYou go ahead, Pa. I\u2019ll catch up in a minute.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cJoe–\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ll be along soon,\u201d he promised.<\/span><\/p>\n

I nodded, saying softly, \u201cAll right.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

I untied Buck and climbed into the saddle. I paused a moment before turning the horse toward home, watching as my youngest son removed his hat, bowed his head, and silently began to say a fitting goodbye to his brother.<\/span><\/p>\n

~ ~ ~<\/span><\/p>\n

Sorrow is like a fruit. God does not make it grow on limbs too weak to bear it.<\/span><\/p>\n

(Victor Hugo)<\/span>
\n*Much thanks to Jane L. for the beta read.<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/div>\n
Disclaimer:<\/span>\u00a0All publicly recognizable characters and settings are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.<\/span><\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n

<\/g><\/svg><\/i> \"Loading\"<\/p>\n

<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Summary: \u00a0A story inspired by the 14th season aired episode “Stallion.” Joe has been the person his father leaned on during the difficult months after Hoss’s death. Now it’s Ben who must help Joe find a way to say a fitting goodbye to the brother he loved. \u00a0<\/p>\n

Rated:\u00a0K (5,415 words)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":73,"featured_media":2530,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"template-full-width-post.php","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[23],"tags":[15,16],"class_list":["post-2529","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-drama","tag-ben","tag-joe","wpcat-23-id"],"a3_pvc":{"activated":true,"total_views":1678,"today_views":0},"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/Stallioncopy3.png?fit=534%2C425&ssl=1","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":2545,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=2545","url_meta":{"origin":2529,"position":0},"title":"Conquering the Stillness Within – Part 3 (by Kenda)","author":"Kenda","date":"September 8, 2005","format":false,"excerpt":"Summary: \u00a0\"Conquering the Stillness Within\" is an alternate universe story to the 12th season aired episode \"The Stillness Within.\" Or maybe better put a, \"What if it would have happened like this. . .\" story. Although the character of Jamie Hunter appeared in \"The Stillness Within,\" he doesn't appear in\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Alternate Universe"","block_context":{"text":"Alternate Universe","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?cat=7"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/Stillness-Within-copy.jpg?fit=629%2C470&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/Stillness-Within-copy.jpg?fit=629%2C470&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/Stillness-Within-copy.jpg?fit=629%2C470&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x"},"classes":[]},{"id":2543,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=2543","url_meta":{"origin":2529,"position":1},"title":"Conquering the Stillness Within – Part 2 (by Kenda)","author":"Kenda","date":"September 8, 2005","format":false,"excerpt":"Summary: \u00a0\"Conquering the Stillness Within\" is an alternate universe story to the 12th season aired episode \"The Stillness Within.\" Or maybe better put a, \"What if it would have happened like this. . .\" story. Although the character of Jamie Hunter appeared in \"The Stillness Within,\" he doesn't appear in\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Alternate Universe"","block_context":{"text":"Alternate Universe","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?cat=7"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/Stillness-Within-copy.jpg?fit=629%2C470&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/Stillness-Within-copy.jpg?fit=629%2C470&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/Stillness-Within-copy.jpg?fit=629%2C470&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x"},"classes":[]},{"id":2537,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=2537","url_meta":{"origin":2529,"position":2},"title":"Conquering the Stillness Within – Part 1 (by Kenda)","author":"Kenda","date":"September 8, 2005","format":false,"excerpt":"Summary: \u00a0\"Conquering the Stillness Within\" is an alternate universe story to the 12th season aired episode \"The Stillness Within.\" Or maybe better put a, What if it would have happened like this. . . story. Although the character of Jamie Hunter appeared in \"The Stillness Within,\" he doesn't appear in\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Alternate Universe"","block_context":{"text":"Alternate Universe","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?cat=7"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/Stillness-Within-copy.jpg?fit=629%2C470&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/Stillness-Within-copy.jpg?fit=629%2C470&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/Stillness-Within-copy.jpg?fit=629%2C470&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x"},"classes":[]},{"id":12243,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=12243","url_meta":{"origin":2529,"position":3},"title":"Life… It’s All About Love (by DebbieB)","author":"DebbieB","date":"September 1, 2004","format":false,"excerpt":"Summary: WHN story: The Stallion and a bit of Forever tossed in to wet the eyes Rated:\u00a0 G (2,325 words)","rel":"","context":"In "Drama"","block_context":{"text":"Drama","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?cat=23"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/03\/Black-Stallion.jpg?fit=400%2C300&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":14039,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=14039","url_meta":{"origin":2529,"position":4},"title":"Stranger in the Night (by JC)","author":"JC","date":"March 8, 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"Summary:\u00a0A Bonanza Gothic poem written for the 2017 \"Once Upon A Midnight Dreary\" challenge honoring the birthday of Edgar Allen Poe. Rating: K+ \u00a0 (251 words)","rel":"","context":"In "Family"","block_context":{"text":"Family","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?cat=1008"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/09\/The-Robe-e1410283539118.jpg?fit=627%2C480&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/09\/The-Robe-e1410283539118.jpg?fit=627%2C480&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/09\/The-Robe-e1410283539118.jpg?fit=627%2C480&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x"},"classes":[]},{"id":12136,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=12136","url_meta":{"origin":2529,"position":5},"title":"The Rebirth of Joe Cartwright (by DebbieB)","author":"DebbieB","date":"August 1, 2003","format":false,"excerpt":"DebbieB passed away Christmas 2021. Any reader wishing to read this story should e:mail the Brandsters:\u00a0 Brandsters2020@gmail.com","rel":"","context":"In "Drama"","block_context":{"text":"Drama","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?cat=23"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/10\/feature-2.jpg?fit=338%2C338&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]}],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2529","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/73"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2529"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2529\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/2530"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2529"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2529"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2529"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}