{"id":2532,"date":"2005-06-30T23:31:01","date_gmt":"2005-07-01T03:31:01","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=2532"},"modified":"2026-07-30T14:30:59","modified_gmt":"2026-07-30T18:30:59","slug":"circumstances-beyond-our-control","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=2532","title":{"rendered":"Circumstances Beyond Our Control (by Kenda)"},"content":{"rendered":"

Summary: \u00a0<\/span>A\u00a0missing scene for the aired episode, “A Matter of Circumstance”.<\/span><\/p>\n

Rated:<\/span>\u00a0K \u00a0WC 7900<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Note:\u00a0 <\/strong>A portion of dialogue in this story as spoken by the character of Doctor Paul Martin is taken from the aired episode, \u201cA Matter of Circumstance,\u201d as is one sentence spoken by Hoss. A portion of dialogue as spoken by Joe is taken from the aired episode, \u201cMy Brother\u2019s Keeper.\u201d<\/span>~ ~\u00a0<\/span><\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
Circumstances Beyond our Control<\/strong><\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
\u201cJoe?\u201d<\/span>That\u2019s what I said when I first knelt beside him, the urgency in my voice meant to rouse him. It was followed by, \u201cJoseph?\u201d when I received no response, which was then followed by something I hadn\u2019t called him in several years. Although this time the urgency was missing. Instead, my tone came forth as a soft plea.\u00a0<\/span>\u201cLittle Joe. . .Little Joe?\u201d\u00a0\u00a0<\/span>
\n\u00a0<\/span>
\nI reached out a hand, keeping my touch light and gentle against the side of his bloody face. I jerked the hand away, surprised at the scalding heat radiating from my son, then returned it, stroking over his sweat-soaked, tangled curls.\u00a0 Curls that were beginning to turn gray, making me wonder in some sort of abstract way where the years had gone, and when my youngest had grown from boy to man.<\/span>\u201cLittle Joe?\u201d\u00a0 I placed two fingers at his throat, searching for the beat that would tell me my child was still alive. It was there, though not nearly as strong as I thought it should be. \u201cJoe?\u00a0 Joseph?\u201d<\/span>When I\u2019d run through my entire litany and still hadn\u2019t managed to bring him to consciousness, I gingerly rolled him from his stomach to his back. My eyes scanned him from head to toe in the dim light.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span>Given the circumstances, I think Reverend Andrews will forgive my murmured, \u201cGood God. . .\u201d\u00a0 and consider it a father\u2019s prayer, however brief.<\/span>
\n\u00a0<\/span>
\nEven if I\u2019d intended for it to be a prayer, I would have been interrupted.\u00a0 Someone barged into the house, and just like I\u2019d done, paused in the foyer. I could imagine Hoss\u2019s eyes sweeping the main floor; seeing the overturned furniture, books yanked from their shelves scattered hither and yon, Joe\u2019s bloody jacket, and towels splayed across the dining room as though they\u2019d been left as trail markers.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span>\u201cPa! Pa, where are you? Pa–\u201d<\/span>\u201cIn the kitchen, Hoss!\u201d<\/span>The plates in the china cabinet chattered with Hoss\u2019s running footsteps.\u00a0 As I\u2019d learned long ago, size sixteen boots have a way of making the entire house vibrate.<\/span><\/p>\n

Hoss tore around the corner. He took the Lord\u2019s name in vain too, when he first saw Joe. Or maybe Reverend Andrews would be willing to consider Hoss\u2019s utterance a brother\u2019s prayer.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cOh, Lordy. . .\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

I moved farther down Joe\u2019s body to make room for Hoss as he crouched beside us.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cThe barn, Pa,\u201d Hoss huffed a little breathlessly as he checked his brother for broken bones. \u201cIt happened in the barn. Storm musta spooked that new horse. Or leastways, judgin\u2019 by the blood on his hooves and the mess out there somethin\u2019 did.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

I nodded, grateful for the explanation. Up until then I hadn\u2019t been certain if someone accosted Joe in the house \u2013 or rather several someones by the look of him \u2013 after money or other valuables.\u00a0 It wasn\u2019t that discovering a horse had stomped on my son brought me any great relief, but it did ease my mind a small amount to be assured Joe\u2019s injuries weren\u2019t deliberately caused.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cPa, get some more light in here, will ya\u2019?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Again, I nodded. I wiped sweat from my brow as I stood.\u00a0 A kettle bubbled on the stove; the combination of smells wafting upward with the steam was enough to make me turn my head sideways as I reached into a cabinet for matches. Whatever was boiling in that kettle, I didn\u2019t think it was something to eat, and was even more certain when I spotted the wet towels strewn across the table.<\/span><\/p>\n

I lit two lanterns, grabbing the one from the table and kneeling next to Hoss with it.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cLooks like your brother made a poultice for some reason.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cFor this.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWhat?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cShine that lantern over here. His arm, Pa.\u00a0 Take a close look at his left arm.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

I studied the arm swollen like a sausage ready to burst from its casing.\u00a0 I whispered a choked,\u00a0 \u201cOh, Joe. . .\u201d before looking at my middle son. \u201cIt\u2019s bad.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Hoss gave a tight nod. I knew what he was thinking without him having to say it.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Don\u2019t know if Joe\u2019ll get to keep this arm or not, Pa.<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cLooks like his ankle\u2019s busted too.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cHe set it,\u201d I said, in reference to the splints Joe somehow fashioned.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cAppears that way. Doc\u2019ll be the only one who can decide if it needs to be re-broke, or if it\u2019ll heal okay with Joe\u2019s handiwork.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ve already rolled him from his stomach to his back.\u00a0 Think it\u2019s safe to move him again?\u201d<\/span>
\n\u00a0<\/span>
\n\u201cDon\u2019t reckon we have much choice. It\u2019s hot and cramped in here. Conditions like that\u2019s only gonna drive Joe\u2019s fever higher.\u00a0 \u2018Sides, Doc won\u2019t be able to work on him this way.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Hoss\u2019s hands traveled Joe\u2019s body again.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span>
\n\u00a0<\/span>
\n\u201cDon\u2019t seem to be any broken ribs. His right arm and leg seem fine \u2013 don\u2019t feel any broken bones, and don\u2019t see any blood. \u00a0How \u2018bout you?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

I repeated Hoss\u2019s actions, shaking my head when I\u2019d finished.<\/span>
\n\u00a0<\/span>
\n\u201cNo.\u00a0 No, I don\u2019t feel anything out of place, either.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cThen I\u2019m gonna carry him to his room. You go on ahead and turn the bedcovers down. Open the window partway too. We gotta get him cooled off some.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cAll right.\u00a0 But let me help you. I can–\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cPa, you can help me more by doin\u2019 what I asked.\u00a0 Now go on.\u201d<\/span>
\n\u00a0<\/span>
\nI\u2019d never heard that tone of voice directed at me from my middle son. Adam and Joe, yes.\u00a0 They\u2019d both tried it on occasion. . .without much success I might add.\u00a0 But as for Hoss, I couldn\u2019t recall a time when he\u2019d attempted to give me orders as though I was one of the hired hands.<\/span><\/p>\n

I didn\u2019t rebuke Hoss like I normally would have. I almost smiled when I thought of the way Joseph could do a perfect imitation of me in both stance and voice.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cAs long as you live under this roof, young man, I\u2019ll be the one giving the orders around here, not you.\u201d<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/em><\/span>
\nOf course, Joe was never foolhardy enough to do his imitating in my presence. But a father often overhears things not meant for his ears, and therefore learns to ignore what aggravates him, and stifle any laughter over what he finds amusing.\u00a0<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

No rebuke \u2013 either my own or one of Joe\u2019s imitations \u2013 was necessary this time, because I knew the reasoning behind Hoss\u2019s orders.\u00a0 He wanted to protect me from what no father wants to hear; a son\u2019s agonized cry of pain. Regardless, I\u2019d have had to be all the way at Beaver Flats with Candy and the rest of the crew in order not to hear Joe\u2019s cry as Hoss lifted him from the floor.\u00a0 I\u2019d have also had to be that far away in order not to hear Hoss\u2019s tender apology of, \u201cI\u2019m sorry, Joe, but the worst of it\u2019s over now, I promise.\u00a0 The worst of it\u2019s passed, little brother. You\u2019re gonna be okay.\u00a0 Me and Pa\u2019s gonna take real good care a\u2019 ya\u2019.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

By the time Hoss arrived in Joe\u2019s room, I had the covers turned back and the window open halfway.\u00a0 It was cold outside; the first strong winds of autumn gusting and swirling fallen leaves around the ranch yard.\u00a0 I wanted to bring Joe\u2019s temperature down, but having him catch a chill would be just as detrimental as the fever burning inside him.<\/span><\/p>\n

Without Hop Sing or anyone else present, I needed Hoss to assist with Joe\u2019s initial care. We took off our winter coats, filled pitchers with cold water, got clean towels and washcloths, stripped Joe\u2019s clothes off of him with help from Hoss\u2019s pocketknife, and washed away the dirt, dust, and dried blood as best we could without causing him further pain. When we were finished, I covered him to the waist with a sheet and then turned to Hoss.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cLeave that kettle simmering on the stove.\u00a0 I don\u2019t know what Joe\u2019s got in there, but if nothing else the hot water might pull some of the infection from this arm.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYeah, it might,\u201d Hoss agreed. \u201cI\u2019ll soak down some more a\u2019 them towels Joe was usin\u2019.\u00a0 I can put \u2018em in one of Hop Sing\u2019s mixing bowls and bring it up here.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

I nodded. That would keep me well supplied for a while.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cAfter you\u2019ve done that, head to Virginia City and get Paul.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cPa–\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Now it was my turn to give orders.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m staying here with your brother, Hoss.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cPa, I know ya\u2019 want to, but I\u2019ve done my fair share of doctorin\u2019.\u00a0 I think I should be the one to stay here with Joe while you go for Doc Martin.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

As I wrung out a cloth I\u2019d dipped into cold water, I half turned from my position standing over Joe.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYoung man, I haven\u2019t been a father for over forty years not to have learned a thing or two about \u201cdoctorin\u2019\u201d as you referred to it.\u00a0 I\u2019m plenty capable of taking care of Joseph until you get back here with Paul.\u00a0 Now go on and get me those hot towels, then ride out as fast as you can.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

I saw the flash of a smile on Hoss\u2019s face.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cAnd just what are you finding so amusing?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cJust thinkin\u2019 of how well Joe woulda\u2019 imitated what you just said given half a chance.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWell let\u2019s hope he has that chance,\u201d I grumbled, while turning away from Hoss and hiding a small smile of my own.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYes, Sir.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Hoss rushed from the room. Within ten minutes, I had a supply of hot towels that reeked of what smelled like tobacco and tea. I didn\u2019t know how Joe came about brewing this combination \u2013 if he knew it would somehow help him, or if his delirium had caused him to grab whatever he could find and dump it into the boiling water.\u00a0 Either way, I didn\u2019t think it would hurt him, and since poultices have many valuable medicinal uses, I was willing to give it a try until Paul told me differently.<\/span><\/p>\n

Hoss put on his coat and buttoned it up. \u201cI\u2019m gonna head to town, Pa. Be back with Doc just as soon as I can.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cHurry.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI will.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Hoss paused a brief second on his way to the door.\u00a0 He reached out and patted his unconscious brother\u2019s shoulder.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYou hang in there for me, Joe. We got a lotta cattle to roundup yet, so if yer thinkin\u2019 this little stunt\u2019ll get ya\u2019 outta helpin\u2019 then you\u2019d better think again.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

I saw Hoss\u2019s big hand lightly squeeze Joe\u2019s shoulder, then he said to me, \u201cI\u2019ll be back soon,\u201d and hurried out of the door.<\/span><\/p>\n

The pictures hanging on Joe\u2019s walls rattled as Hoss ran down the stairs and across the great room floor. The front door opened and then slammed shut.\u00a0 Joe jumped a little at the sound, as though it startled him. . .or maybe reminded him of the lightning that had undoubtedly spooked the horse I\u2019d already decided we\u2019d sell. Or shoot if my son died.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Joe stirred and moaned.<\/span><\/p>\n

I grabbed the chair Hoss had pushed beside the bed, pulled it closer, and sat down.\u00a0 I placed the cool cloth I still had in my hands on Joe\u2019s forehead.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cJoe,\u201d I said softly as I leaned close. \u201cJoseph?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

He fought to open his eyes at the sound of my voice.\u00a0 His eyelids raised part way once, twice, and then a third time before he was able to keep them open.\u00a0 His eyes were unfocused, staring blankly at the ceiling a long moment before moving to the end of his bed, and then finally to my face when I repeated his name.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cJoe?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

His lips formed a shaky, \u201cPa,\u201d but no sound came forth.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYes, son, it\u2019s Pa,\u201d I acknowledged while running the cloth over his face.\u00a0 I pushed his hair off his forehead with my free hand.\u00a0 Had it been ten years earlier, I would have been thinking that the first thing I\u2019d make him do when he was back on his feet was get a haircut. But it wasn\u2019t ten years earlier, and his twenty-ninth birthday was only two weeks away.\u00a0 I have too much respect for the man Joseph has become to quibble over the length of his hair, even though I don\u2019t approve of it, and have told him he looks like a Texas rawhide on the run from the law.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cAnd once it\u2019s completely gray,\u201d I\u2019d added, \u201cyou\u2019ll look like an\u00a0old<\/em>\u00a0Texas rawhide on the run from the law.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cLike you do, Pa?\u201d he\u2019d quipped, then darted by me and out the door, that distinct laugh of his that I\u2019d be able to pick out of any crowd seeming to linger in the great room long after he was gone.<\/span><\/p>\n

I\u2019d have given anything to hear that laugh as I dipped the cloth again, wrung it out, and wiped it over Joe\u2019s face, neck and chest.\u00a0 The heat from his body absorbed into the material, making any relief the wet coolness brought him brief at best.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

His eyes tracked my movements as I crossed to his dresser.\u00a0 I used a set of tongs Hoss had grabbed from the utensil drawer to pluck a steaming towel from beneath the lid of Hop Sing\u2019s favorite mixing bowl.\u00a0 We\u2019d all probably be cussed out in Cantonese\u00a0<\/strong>for this transgression, but that was the least of my worries right then.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

I talked to Joe all the while I worked to bring his fever down and draw the infection from his arm.\u00a0 His eyes, though half closed and clouded with confusion, never left my face.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cHop Sing\u2019ll have our hides if he finds out we used his favorite bowl.\u00a0 But you and I\u2019ll tell him it was Hoss\u2019s doing, not ours, how about that? He might threaten not to cook for a couple of days, but his mood will improve given time. It always does.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cThat chuck wagon cook you hired \u2013 Griffin \u2013 he makes a mighty fine meal.\u00a0 His boy seems nice. A hard little worker. The men will be happy. You did a good job when you signed him on, Joe. We\u2019ll have to find out if we can hire him again for the spring roundup.\u00a0 No doubt one of Hop Sing\u2019s cousins will fall ill right about then, and he\u2019ll have to leave for San Francisco. As you said, Hop Sing always seems to be needed elsewhere whenever there\u2019s a roundup. He sure doesn\u2019t like cooking for the whole crew, does he.\u00a0 Or maybe it\u2019s sleeping out under the stars that he doesn\u2019t like.\u00a0 Never have figured out which it is myself.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWe\u2019ve got to get you back on your feet, young fella,\u201d I said as I wiped his brow.\u00a0 \u201cA man can\u2019t be flat on his back in bed when his birthday rolls around. That\u2019ll never do, now will it.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cThat wind\u2019s really starting to pick up out there.\u00a0 Looks like we might be in for an early winter. Later, after we get this fever knocked out of you, I\u2019ll get the fireplaces stoked. There\u2019s nothing like a warm fire on a chilly fall evening to make a man appreciate the comforts of home, is there. We can–\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

The movement of Joe\u2019s right arm reaching across his body stopped me in mid-sentence.\u00a0 His hand clutched my shirtsleeve.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cGangrene, Pa,\u201d he said with a whispered urgency.\u00a0 \u201cGang–\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYou don\u2019t have gangrene, Joe,\u201d I assured, though I knew I might well be lying to him.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYe. . .yes.\u00a0 Do.\u00a0 Death. . .death ensues in three. . .three or four days af. . .after the inva. . .invasion of the. . .the disease.\u00a0 Amp. . .amputation necessary.\u00a0 No time to lose, or the gang. . .gang. . .gangrene will spread to the trunk and death. . .\u201d his head dropped to his pillow and he mumbled with exhaustion, \u201cdeath will soon close the scene.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

At first I didn\u2019t know where Joe had gotten his information.\u00a0 It sounded like he was reciting it from a textbook. That\u2019s when I remembered the books scattered on the floor in my study.\u00a0 I had a copy of \u201cThe Doctor\u2019s Home Companion\u201d that Inger brought with her when we headed west all those many years ago now. I\u2019d referred to that book numerous times when raising my boys in order to treat minor wounds, coughs, colds, poison ivy exposure, chickenpox, and other ailments common to children.\u00a0 I\u2019d even referred to it several times since they\u2019d reached adulthood.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cNo, Joe,\u201d I soothed in a soft voice. \u201cNo. You don\u2019t have gangrene.\u00a0 Hoss\u2019ll be here soon with Doc Martin. We\u2019ll get that arm taken care of, I promise.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

He opened his eyes, his glassy stare boring into me.\u00a0 \u201cAmp. . .amputate, Pa.\u00a0 You\u2019ll have to. . .you\u2019ll have to amputate.\u00a0 Water. . .boil water in clean. . .clean kettle.\u00a0 Then. . .then put a sharp knife in.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 One. . .one that\u2019s strong and sturdy with. . .with a thick blade. . .and. . .and. . .and–\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

I don\u2019t know if he couldn\u2019t finish because his strength was gone, or because of the tears in his eyes. It was as though the last thing he wanted to do was tell me how to amputate his arm \u2013 not for his sake, mind you, but for mine \u2013 yet he was certain it had come to this, and therefore was determined to give me the necessary instructions.<\/span><\/p>\n

Unlike my son, I was far from ready to admit that amputating his arm was the only course of action left us. Yes, it might be a decision I\u2019d have to make if Hoss returned without Paul for some reason, but until that happened, I wasn\u2019t cutting Joe\u2019s arm off.\u00a0 To save my son\u2019s life I could do it.\u00a0 Or at least I thought I could.\u00a0 But the Lord knew it was the last thing I wanted to do, and I even said a quick prayer then, asking Him to not let it come to that.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s all right, Joe,\u201d I assured. \u201cPaul\u2019s on the way.\u00a0 There\u2019s no need for you to worry about your arm.\u00a0 Paul will tell us what to do to stop the infection. You\u2019ll be good as new in no time.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

He rolled his head back and forth against the pillow. I wasn\u2019t sure if that was his way of telling me no, that he wouldn\u2019t be as good as new, or if he was fighting the discomfort of the fever.<\/span><\/p>\n

I dipped the towel and wiped him down again, all the while assuring him that he\u2019d be okay.\u00a0 I caught a few mumbled words now and again \u2013 amputation, and gangrene, and death \u2013 but I ignored them and did my best to draw his attention to a new subject.\u00a0 Any subject provided it didn\u2019t involve Joe losing his arm or dying.<\/span><\/p>\n

He quieted for a little while, seeming to fall into an exhausted slumber. The room was growing cold, so I stood and lowered the window, leaving it open just a couple of inches now. I got a fresh hot towel and exchanged it for the one I\u2019d applied to Joe\u2019s arm earlier, then sat back down and resumed wiping his face, neck, shoulders and chest with cool, wet cloths.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

It startled me when Joe\u2019s eyes snapped open like he\u2019d been frightened from sleep.\u00a0 As though he\u2019d had a bad dream or nightmare. His eyes were wide and unfocused, and somehow I knew his mind wasn\u2019t in the room with me even before he spoke.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cAdam!\u00a0 Adam, I\u2019m shot! Adam? Adam. . .Adam? I\u2019m shot, Adam! I\u2019m shot!\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cSh, Joe,\u201d I soothed, laying my open palm on his brow and leaning close to his face with the hope that he\u2019d focus on me.\u00a0 \u201cJoe, Adam isn\u2019t here, remember?\u00a0 He\u2019s in Boston, son. Adam lives in Boston now.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

My words couldn\u2019t penetrate the fever clouding Joe\u2019s thinking.\u00a0 His cries continued, his eyes filled with terror.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWolf!\u00a0 Oh God, Adam, get him off me!\u00a0 Get him. . .get him off me, Adam!\u00a0 Please, please get him off me.\u00a0 Please, Adam!\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Now I knew where my son\u2019s mind was\u00a0 \u2013 a time seven years in the past when he and Adam were hunting a wolf that was raiding our cattle. Adam accidentally shot his brother, and in the course of that event, the wolf attacked Joe. I\u2019d been away on business in Placerville when all of this transpired. By the time I\u2019d gotten notification and returned home, Joe was on his way to recovering from the injuries that very nearly killed him.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s okay, Joe. There\u2019s no wolf, son. You\u2019re fine.\u00a0 It\u2019s over.\u00a0 It was over a long time ago.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cAdam. . .\u201d his eyes finally focused on me. \u201cPa. . .Pa. . .tell Adam. . .please tell him wasn\u2019t. . .it wasn\u2019t his fault.\u00a0 Tell him for me, Pa. Please.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI will, son.\u00a0 I\u2019ll tell him.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cMy fault. . .it\u2019s my fault, Pa.\u00a0 Sor. . .sorry, Pa.\u00a0 I\u2019m sorry.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

I used the cloth to wipe away the tears that spilled over his eyes.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cNothing\u2019s your fault, Joe. You rest now. Nothing\u2019s your fault.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYes. . .yes. . .Adam went \u2018way. . .went away \u2018cause. . .because of me.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cNo, Joe, he didn\u2019t. No. Adam didn\u2019t go away because of you.\u00a0 Not at all.\u00a0 Not at all, Joseph.\u00a0 Never.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

And I was telling my youngest son the truth. Adam had left Nevada because of Laura Dayton, not because of a hunting accident that happened two years prior to Adam\u2019s broken engagement with the woman. \u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cAdam\u2019s leaving had nothing to do with you, Joe. Nothing to do with any of us.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cSorry, Pa. . .I\u2019m sorry,\u201d he repeated as though he hadn\u2019t heard anything I\u2019d said.\u00a0 \u201cAdam?\u00a0 Adam?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

High fever and injured arm aside, I don\u2019t think there was anything more difficult for me that afternoon than hearing Joe call for Adam and know I couldn\u2019t produce his oldest brother for him. When word of this accident finally got to Adam, Joe would either be recovering from his injuries, or he\u2019d be dead. That was the trouble with the distance that separated the Ponderosa from Boston.\u00a0 Even if I could get Adam home for Joe, by the time a wire reached him, he made arrangements to leave, and he procured a ticket on the Transcontinental Railway, it would be at least two weeks before he arrived, maybe as long as three, four, or even five weeks, if early snowfalls slowed the train\u2019s progress.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Thankfully, it was another brother of Joe\u2019s who rushed back into the house right about then, leading our doctor up the stairs.\u00a0 Not that Paul didn\u2019t know the way.\u00a0 When a man raises three sons, the local physician makes plenty of visits.\u00a0 Far more than any father wants him to, that\u2019s for certain.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

I stood, stepping aside and pulling the chair away from the bed so Paul had room to work.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cHoss said a horse did this?\u201d Paul questioned as he bent over Joe.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cAs far as we know. Joe hasn\u2019t been able to tell me anything yet.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Paul placed a hand on Joe\u2019s forehead and shook his head. \u201cGiven this fever, I don\u2019t imagine so. Or at least not able to tell you anything in a coherent fashion.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cNo,\u201d I murmured, remembering Joe\u2019s cries for Adam. \u201cNot much of anything in a coherent fashion.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

Paul put his bag on Joe\u2019s nightstand and opened it.\u00a0 Hoss and I remained in the room, assisting in any way we could.\u00a0 Afternoon gave way to evening and the early darkness October brings. By now, Candy would be wondering where we were, but neither Hoss nor I were concerned about that.\u00a0 Somehow, we\u2019d get word to Candy in the next day or two.\u00a0 In the meantime, I knew my foreman was more than capable of handling the roundup without us.<\/span><\/p>\n

It was going on eleven o\u2019clock that night before Joe\u2019s condition took a turn for the better.\u00a0 We were able to catch our breath, and then drink the coffee and eat the sandwiches Hoss brought up.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Dawn was just starting to break on another blustery fall day when Joe finally looked at us with recognition in his eyes and a small smile on his face.\u00a0 Paul stood and stepped away from the bed.\u00a0 I stepped with him, watching as he rolled down his shirtsleeves and then slipped into his suit coat \u2013 a sure indication that his work was done here, and he was ready to head home for breakfast and some much needed sleep.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cThat book Joe read was entirely correct, Ben,\u201d Paul said in reference to Joe\u2019s mumblings throughout much of the night about gangrene and amputation, and my explanation of the medical book I suspected he\u2019d gleaned his information from.\u00a0 \u201cJoe\u2019s diagnosis was correct too, even though a bit premature. Amputation\u2019s a harsh remedy.\u00a0 Fortunately, due to the infection, he didn\u2019t have the strength to do it.\u00a0 He\u2019s young and strong.\u00a0 It\u2019ll take a while, but he\u2019ll be fine.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

I blinked back tears of relief while nodding my head.\u00a0 Earlier, Paul had re-splinted Joe\u2019s ankle, saying Joe had done a good job of setting it, and that it didn\u2019t need to be re-broken. Paul planned to replace the splints with a plaster cast in a day or two, after the swelling went down some.<\/span><\/p>\n

The doctor shook his head in disbelief once again.\u00a0 \u201cI still don\u2019t know how he managed to set that ankle all by himself \u2013 and do such a fine job of it.\u00a0 He keeps doing his own doctoring with that kind of skill and he may as well hang out a shingle and see patients.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

I chuckled, fairly certain Paul didn\u2019t need to worry about Joe having any desire to give him competition where doctoring was concerned.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cHe\u2019s quite a boy, Ben,\u201d Paul said as he packed up his things and headed for the door.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cHe is,\u201d I agreed.\u00a0 \u201cQuite a man, actually.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Paul smiled. \u201cYes, a man.\u00a0 It\u2019s hard for me to believe that so many of the patients I brought into this world shortly after I first opened my practice are now grown.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m sure Joe will forgive you,\u201d I smiled, for I, too, had a hard time believing that the baby boy Paul delivered twenty-nine Octobers ago was now the man we\u2019d just spent all night tending too.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cKeep him warm and comfortable, Ben, but be mindful of any signs of his temperature rising again.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI will.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cThat arm should be fine until I stop by here again later today.\u00a0 But if it changes in any way \u2013 if the swelling gets worse, or if it changes in color, or Joe complains about any increase in pain, you have Hoss come find me.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cAll right.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI left a bottle of laudanum on the dresser, but he\u2019s not have any more until after supper.\u00a0 One teaspoon should be enough \u2013 no more than two if the pain won\u2019t allow him to sleep through the night.\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cOkay.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cOtherwise, lots of rest, plenty of liquids, and some nourishing food are what Joe needs. I\u2019ll bring a pair crutches out when I put the cast on. Once the plaster\u2019s dry, we\u2019ll get him up and about.\u00a0 Until then, he should stay put in this bed.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cHe will.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Paul snorted, as though he knew perfectly well what a challenge it was to keep Joseph \u201cput\u201d much of any place. But given how weak Joe was, and given the state of his ankle, I wasn\u2019t concerned that we\u2019d have a fight on our hands. I was pretty sure Joe wouldn\u2019t feel up to getting out of bed until Paul came with the crutches, and even at that, I suspected Joe wouldn\u2019t have much desire to travel too far on those crutches for at least a week.<\/span><\/p>\n

Hoss kidded Joe while I saw Paul to the bedroom door.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019ll do anything to get out of a roundup, won\u2019t ya\u2019.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Joe didn\u2019t answer Hoss, but I saw him smile slightly at the brotherly teasing.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYou don\u2019t need to see me out, Ben,\u201d Paul said. \u201cI\u2019m more than familiar with the way by now.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYes, I guess you are, aren\u2019t you.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYou and Hoss have breakfast, and then get some sleep too. I\u2019ll see you late this afternoon, or early this evening.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cAll right.\u201d I held out my hand. \u201cThank you, Paul.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019re welcome.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cLet me know what I owe you when you have the bill ready.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI always do.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

I laughed. \u201cYes, you do.\u201d\u00a0 Aside from the friendship Paul and I share, I\u2019ve long assumed another reason he likes having the Cartwrights as patients is because I pay in cash, not in eggs from the henhouse, or vegetables from the garden.<\/span><\/p>\n

By the time I stepped back in Joe\u2019s room, he was sleeping once again.\u00a0 I laid a hand on Hoss\u2019s shoulder.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cHow about if I rustle up some eggs and bacon for us while you make a fresh pot of coffee.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cSounds good, Pa, but hadn\u2019t one of us ought to stay here with Joe?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI think he\u2019ll sleep deeply for quite a while now.\u00a0 Besides, we won\u2019t be downstairs long.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Hoss was reluctant to leave Joe\u2019s side, but his growling stomach finally convinced him that we needed to eat.\u00a0 He got the coffee going, then went out to the barn to do chores.\u00a0 By the time he returned, I had two plates filled with bacon, eggs, and fried potatoes, and I\u2019d cleaned up the remnants of Joe\u2019s doctoring attempts in the kitchen, dining room, and my study.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

We ate at the kitchen table.\u00a0 When we were finished, I washed the dishes and Hoss dried them. As I\u2019d predicted, Joe continued to sleep soundly throughout our meal.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

We quietly argued for a few seconds when we stopped in his room to check on him, debating over which one of us was going to bed and which one of us would sit with Joe.\u00a0 Hoss won, but only because I let him.\u00a0 I\u2019d placed a hand on Joe\u2019s forehead and found his temperature normal to my touch.\u00a0 He appeared to be sleeping without any discomfort as well, so I decided to give way to youth and allow Hoss to catch a catnap in the chair beside his brother\u2019s bed, while I got several hours of sleep in my own bed.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWake me if you need me, or if anything changes with Joe. Otherwise, I\u2019ll get up in a few hours and relieve you.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cDon\u2019t worry \u2018bout it, Pa. I can sleep anywhere.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

I patted his back and smiled.\u00a0 I was pretty sure Hoss was past the age of being able to \u201csleep anywhere\u201d but I didn\u2019t tell him that.\u00a0 He wanted to be with his brother while giving me the first chance to rest.\u00a0 I thanked Hoss, and not for the first time since he\u2019d reached adulthood, silently acknowledged what a tenderhearted, caring man he is.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

I shuffled down the hall to my room, ready to drop to my bed.\u00a0 I did just that, not having the energy to take off anything other than my boots and my vest. I grabbed the extra quilt I\u2019d been keeping folded at the foot of the bed since the weather turned cold, and covered myself with it as I lay back against the pillows. The house moaned and creaked with the wind. Those sounds lulled me to sleep, where the image of a horse attacking Joe danced in my mind\u2019s eye, only to be replaced by a wolf attacking my youngest, until a deeper level of sleep that kept bad dreams away finally claimed me.<\/span><\/p>\n

~ ~ ~<\/span><\/p>\n

I woke disoriented, not sure at first why I was in bed when the daylight outside my windows told me it was past noon. I sat up, throwing the quilt back and seeing I was still fully dressed. That\u2019s when I remembered what condition Hoss and I had found Joe in upon arriving home from Beaver Flats.<\/span><\/p>\n

I stood, folded the quilt, and then changed into clean clothing.\u00a0 I washed up, ran a comb through my hair, and took a quick glance at myself in the mirror. I\u2019d need to shave, but decided that chore could wait until later.\u00a0 The clock on my nightstand indicated it was ten minutes after one.\u00a0 My \u201cfew hours\u201d of sleep had extended far beyond what I\u2019d expected.\u00a0 It was past time for me to relieve Hoss and allow him to sleep in something other than that chair beside Joseph\u2019s bed.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

I paused just outside of Joe\u2019s room, hearing the murmur of voices from within.\u00a0 I glanced through the doorway, but neither of the boys saw me.\u00a0 Hoss\u2019s back was to me, and Joe was sitting propped up against three pillows with a tray over his lap that contained a plate of scrambled eggs and a glass of water.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cIf ya\u2019 keep those down, I can make ya\u2019 somethin\u2019 more fillin\u2019 come supper time.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cThis is fine for now.\u00a0 Thanks.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Joe sounded tired and weak, but his color was better than it had when I\u2019d gone to bed, and his eyes were now bright with alertness, as opposed to bright with fever.\u00a0 Hoss had helped him get a nightshirt on, and must have helped him tame his hair with a brush too, since his curls were no longer sticking up in a dozen different directions.\u00a0 He was having a little trouble keeping the eggs on the fork and then getting it to his mouth since he had to use his right hand.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cNeed my help?\u201d Hoss asked him. \u201cI can feed ya\u2019 if ya\u2019 want me to.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Joe\u2019s eyes slid to his brother and he sneered. \u201cYou just try to feed me and I\u2019ll put this fork down and punch you in the nose.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Hoss laughed. \u201cYou know somethin\u2019? Even with a busted ankle and only one good arm you\u2019re still an ornery little cuss.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cNot my fault.\u00a0 You and Adam made me this way.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cMe and Adam?\u00a0 How?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cFor starters, when I was a little kid and used to follow you two around, you\u2019d tell me Pa was callin\u2019 me, send me back to the house, then run off and hide while I was gone.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cOnly way we could get ridda ya\u2019.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cThen there were the times you guys would ambush me and dunk me head first into the horse trough, and the time Adam took the ladder away when I was in the hay mow.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYou was four. Ya\u2019 wasn\u2019t supposed to be up there to begin with.\u00a0 He took the ladder away to teach ya\u2019 a lesson.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cMaybe so, but next time you call me ornery, you\u2019d better think about who\u2019s to blame for it.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWell, little brother, looks to me like this time that ornery streak a\u2019 yours saved yer hide. Yer darn lucky that horse didn\u2019t kill you.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cHe\u2019ll be all right.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cThe horse?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYeah. Just needs to be gentled.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cJoe, that horse needs more than gentling if you ask me.\u00a0 He needs to be sold, just like Pa\u2019s intendin\u2019 to do with him.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cSold?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYep. Way that horse acted with you, he ain\u2019t no use to us as either breedin\u2019 or ridin\u2019 stock.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cHe doesn\u2019t need to be sold.\u00a0 He just needs to be worked with.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cListen, Joe, don\u2019t you go given Pa a hard time about this.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cIt was Pa who taught me that when you fall off a horse you gotta get right back on him.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYou didn\u2019t fall, you were trampled.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Joe shrugged his right shoulder.\u00a0 \u201cSame thing.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cNot in my book it ain\u2019t. And if yer book says differently, then that horse musta\u2019 knocked a few a\u2019 your brains loose too.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Joe smiled.\u00a0 \u201cMust have.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Hoss shook his head and sighed.\u00a0 \u201cYou go ahead and do what ya\u2019 want \u2018cause yer gonna anyway, but like I said, don\u2019t give Pa a hard time about it.\u00a0 If he still wants to sell the horse after you argue yer point with him, then let him.\u00a0 He was real worried about ya\u2019, Joe.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI know he was.\u00a0 But don\u2019t you fret none about Pa.\u00a0 I\u2019ll handle him.\u201d Joe held up the little finger on his right hand. \u201cI\u2019ve had him wrapped around this finger for going on twenty-nine years now.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYa\u2019 don\u2019t have to tell me that.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Joe chuckled.\u00a0 \u201cNope.\u00a0 Don\u2019t suppose I do, because that fact has gotten both of us out of hot water more than once.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Joe schooled his face into a deep scowl and boomed forth an imitation of me that I wouldn\u2019t have thought he had the strength for.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWhat tomfoolery are you two involved in now?\u00a0 Hoss!\u00a0 Joseph!\u00a0 One of you had better start explaining, and if you know what\u2019s good for you I won\u2019t hear\u00a0anything<\/em>\u00a0I don\u2019t like. Not one single word, do you understand?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Hoss was laughing while at the same time trying to shush Joe.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cJoe, hush.\u00a0 Be quiet.\u00a0 He\u2019ll hear you.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cNah. Never has yet.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cThere\u2019s always a first time.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYou know, big brother, you\u2019re gettin\u2019 to be a lot like Adam in your old age.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cHow so?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYou worry too much.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

I could tell Joe was tiring, and Hoss looked just plain exhausted.\u00a0 It was time to put an end to their fun. I quietly walked back to my room, closed the door loudly enough for the boys to hear it, then turned and retraced my path to Joe\u2019s room, allowing my boot steps to announce my impending arrival.<\/span><\/p>\n

I paused in the doorway, putting my hands on my hips.\u00a0 \u201cWell, well, well, young man, you look far better than you did earlier this morning.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI feel better too, Pa.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cGlad to hear it.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

I stepped into the room, stopping when I reached Hoss\u2019s side.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m sorry I slept so long.\u00a0 You head on to bed.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cThought maybe I\u2019d better ride out and fill Candy in on what\u2019s happened.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cNo, not today. If I know Candy, he\u2019s already got someone headed this way to check on us.\u00a0 If I\u2019m wrong, you can ride out first thing in the morning.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019d argue with ya\u2019, Pa, but I\u2019m too tired to give it much of an effort.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s what I thought. Go on now. To bed with you.\u00a0 I\u2019ll wake you when supper\u2019s ready.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cSounds good to me.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cNever one to miss a meal,\u201d Joe quipped.<\/span><\/p>\n

Hoss stood and pointed a finger at his brother. \u201cI\u2019d watch that mouth if I was you, Joseph. You ain\u2019t gonna be in that bed forever, ya\u2019 know.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Joe chuckled at his brother\u2019s idle threat.\u00a0 Hoss would no more than hurt Joe than he\u2019d move to San Francisco and become a banker.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cAnd remember what I said.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Joe nodded.\u00a0 \u201cI will.\u201d\u00a0 He held up the little finger on his right hand. \u201cAnd\u00a0you<\/em>\u00a0remember what I said.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

I looked from one to the other with bewilderment, as though I had no idea what they were talking about. Yes, once again they were two steps ahead of their old Pa. Or so they thought.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cSee ya\u2019 later, Pa.\u00a0 Joe.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cSleep well, son.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cGet some rest, big brother.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Hoss waved a hand at us as he walked out of the room. When I heard his bedroom door shut, I focused my attention on Joe.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cDo you want me to get that tray out of your way?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYeah, I\u2019m done. Thanks.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cFinish the water first.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Joe rolled his eyes but picked up the glass and drained it.\u00a0 When the glass was empty, I took the tray and placed it on his dresser. Once he fell back to sleep I knew I\u2019d have dishes to do, chores to complete in the barn, and then it would be time to start supper.\u00a0 I was already missing Hop Sing, and decided when Hoss rode out in the morning I\u2019d have him stop in Virginia City and hire Harriet Guthrie to come take care of the cooking and cleaning until Hop Sing returned.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

I straightened Joe\u2019s covers, then sat in the chair.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cStill looks pretty blustery out there.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

His eyes traveled to the dull, pewter colored sky outside his window.\u00a0 \u201cIt does. Looks like a typical fall day.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cLooks a lot like the day you were born. Cloudy, windy, chilly; yet your mother\u2019s smile when you were placed in her arms seemed to light up the room like July sunshine.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Joe smiled. \u201cGuess I\u2019ll have to take your word for that.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cGuess you will.\u201d I changed the subject. \u201cJoe, about that horse–\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI can gentle him, Pa.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cBut at what cost?\u00a0 The loss of an arm next time?\u00a0 Or a permanently crippled leg?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cIt was just the lightning and wind. \u00a0He got spooked.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s not the last time we\u2019ll have lightning and wind, you know.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI know.\u00a0 But I\u2019d like to work with him. I\u2019d like to give him a chance to produce some good foals for us.\u00a0 That\u2019s why I bought him in the first place.\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI realize that, but even the best foals in all of Nevada will mean nothing to me if that horse injures you again. You might not be so lucky next time, Joe. He might kill you.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cHe might, or he might not.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

I shook my head at my youngest son\u2019s stubborn streak.\u00a0 I had a feeling this debate would go on all afternoon if I let it\u00a0 \u2013 which I had no intention of doing.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWe\u2019ll allow this discussion to come to an end for now.\u00a0 We\u2019ll talk about it again when you\u2019re a little further down the road to recovery.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cAll right,\u201d Joe agreed, probably thinking about my own stubborn streak and what strategy he\u2019d use to try and change my mind about getting rid of that horse.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWell, young man, it looks like I\u2019ll have some news to tell Adam when I write him.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Joe dropped his eyes to the covers.\u00a0 His, \u201cGuess so,\u201d was quiet and subdued.\u00a0 Adam was often a sore subject with my youngest son, and not because Adam had left the Ponderosa five years earlier, but because as time passed, Adam had quit writing his brothers.\u00a0 He still wrote to me, and most of what he said in his letters I read out loud to Hoss and Joe.\u00a0 Hoss seemed to have accepted this change in Adam\u2019s routine, but Joe had grown angry about it.\u00a0 He\u2019d never mentioned anything about his anger to me, but as I said earlier, sometimes a father overhears things he\u2019s not supposed to.\u00a0 Unfortunately where Joe was concerned, when I\u2019d visited Adam in Boston two years ago, I\u2019d made a promise to him about not revealing certain things to his brothers. I\u2019ve kept that promise, but I\u2019m not always sure I should have.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYou were calling for him, you know.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Joe looked at me. \u201cFor who?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cAdam.\u00a0 When your fever was high, you were calling for him.\u00a0 I think you were dreaming about when you two went hunting for that wolf.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Joe hesitated a moment, then nodded. \u201cMight have been. But that was a long time ago, and besides, it wasn\u2019t Adam\u2019s fault.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

I smiled with understanding. \u201cI never thought it was.\u00a0 And as you said, it was a long time ago.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cIt was.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI know.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cJoe, about Adam–\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m pretty tired, Pa.\u00a0 I\u2019d like to get some more sleep if you don\u2019t mind.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

I didn\u2019t allow his claim of being tired to close the subject of his eldest brother.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cSometimes things happen, Joseph.\u00a0 Circumstances beyond our control, like what occurred with you and that horse.\u00a0 Keep that in mind whenever you think of Adam, and don\u2019t judge him too harshly, please.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

He was silent for a few seconds, then said again, \u201cI\u2019m tired. I\u2019d like to get some sleep before supper.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cAll right,\u201d I agreed.\u00a0 As much as I thought my youngest needed to talk about Adam, there was no point in me encouraging such a conversation since there was so much I couldn\u2019t tell Joe without being disloyal to my oldest child. \u201cI\u2019ll see if I can put a meal together for the three of us that\u2019ll be at least half way consumable.\u00a0 Tomorrow I\u2019ll have Hoss hire Mrs. Guthrie\u00a0<\/strong>to take care of the cooking and cleaning until Hop Sing returns.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI won\u2019t argue that.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cNeither will I,\u201d I said, thinking that by noon the next day I\u2019d be sufficiently sick of my own cooking.<\/span><\/p>\n

I fiddled with the bedcovers again, and then stood.\u00a0 I rearranged Joe\u2019s pillows so he could recline back against them.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYou get some rest now.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI will.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cIf you need me for any reason, just call.\u00a0 I\u2019ll be in the house somewhere, other than for the time it takes me to do the chores and carry in some wood.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cOkay.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

I picked up the tray from the dresser and headed for the door, stopping when I reached it.\u00a0 I turned around.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cOh, and by the way, Joseph,\u201d I held up the little finger on my right hand.\u00a0 \u201cYou don\u2019t have me wrapped quite as tightly as you think.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

A look of chagrin came over his face, but when he saw my smile he laughed.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWhatever you say, Pa.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Right before I stepped into the hallway, I said softly, \u201cI miss him too, Joe. I miss him too.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Joe\u2019s eyes dropped to his covers again. He chewed on his lower lip a moment before finally nodding.\u00a0 He didn\u2019t have to say anything for me to understand this was his way of acknowledging that he missed Adam just as much as Hoss and I did.<\/span><\/p>\n

I smiled; then walked out of his room and down the stairs to spend the remainder of the day managing all the circumstances that were\u00a0within\u00a0<\/em>my control.\u00a0 When my work both inside and outside was finished, I sat at my desk writing my oldest son a letter while beef stew simmered on the stove, biscuits warmed in the oven, and his brothers slept on undisturbed by the harsh October wind.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

~ ~ ~<\/span><\/p>\n

October 16, 1871<\/em>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Dear Adam,<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

Your brothers and I miss you, son.\u00a0 I hope this letter finds you well.\u00a0 Speaking of well, you\u2019ll never guess what\u2019s happened to Little Joe now.\u00a0 When he was four, you looked at me with disgust after one of his many escapades and said he couldn\u2019t stay out of trouble for five minutes.\u00a0 Well, not much has changed in that regard since you left the Ponderosa.\u00a0 Although this latest incident certainly wasn\u2019t through any fault of Joseph\u2019s; nonetheless, it scared me more than I\u2019ll ever let on to your youngest brother, and it would have turned my hair gray if Joe\u2019s many other past adventures hadn\u2019t already done that to me years ago.\u00a0 He bought a new stallion a few weeks back and. . .<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

~ ~ ~<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0*Much thanks to Wrenny for serving as my \u201cBonanza Consultant\u201d whenever needed.\u00a0 Thanks to Wrenny, as well, for the beta read.<\/span><\/p>\n

(June 2005)<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/div>\n
Disclaimer:<\/span>\u00a0All publicly recognizable characters and settings are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.<\/span><\/div>\n
<\/div>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Summary: \u00a0A\u00a0missing scene for the aired episode, “A Matter of Circumstance”.<\/p>\n

Rated:\u00a0K \u00a0WC 7900<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":73,"featured_media":1254,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"template-full-width-post.php","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_members_access_role":[],"_members_access_error":""},"categories":[23,1008,61],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2532","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-drama","category-family","category-missing-scene","wpcat-23-id","wpcat-1008-id","wpcat-61-id"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/bonanza16.jpg?fit=334%2C425&ssl=1","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2532","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/73"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2532"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2532\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/1254"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2532"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2532"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2532"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}