{"id":25362,"date":"2019-12-17T12:17:07","date_gmt":"2019-12-17T17:17:07","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=25362"},"modified":"2026-07-29T12:30:44","modified_gmt":"2026-07-29T16:30:44","slug":"reflections-by-cheaux","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=25362","title":{"rendered":"Reflections (by Cheaux)"},"content":{"rendered":"

Bonanza
\n~*~*~ Advent Calendar ~*~*~
\n* Day 17 *<\/b><\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Summary:\u00a0 With great deliberation, Ben takes time to update his journal.<\/p>\n

Rating:\u00a0 G
\nWord Count:\u00a0 940<\/p>\n

Reflections<\/b><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

An old man sits at his\u00a0table.\u00a0 His eyes, once the color of dark chocolate, are clouded.\u00a0 Despite wearing spectacles, he must turn the oil lamp up high in order to read the text.\u00a0 He picks up a pen and painstakingly begins to write the day\u2019s entry.<\/p>\n

24 December 1899
\n<\/i>Virginia City
\n<\/i>High of 21\u00baF; low of 7\u00baF
\n<\/i>Full Moon<\/i><\/p>\n

They\u2019re all gone now.<\/i><\/p>\n

My wives, my sons, my friends, even my enemies gave up the ghost long ago and left me behind.<\/i><\/p>\n

I live in a small cottage now not too far from Josiah Martin, great-grandson of one of the first doctors in Virginia City. \u00a0Not my choice but \u00a0navigating the stairs at the ranch even just twice a day became too much after the \u201citis\u201d twins \u2014bursitis and arthritis \u2014 and all their cursed relations took over. <\/i><\/p>\n

I fought Josiah for years every time he argued I belonged in town where he could check on me.\u00a0 After all, I had Hop Sing to keep a watchful eye.\u00a0 Nothing ever gets by that man.\u00a0 From hidden injuries to broken bones, sniffles to flu, toothaches to heartaches, he knows and sees all.\u00a0 He has broth and hot coffee at the ready any time of the day or night. And his magic salve.<\/i><\/p>\n

Or had.\u00a0 When he joined his ancestors, I gave in.\u00a0 Now it\u2019s Mrs. Doogan, a mountain of an Irish woman, who brings my meals and cleans these three small rooms on B Street.\u00a0 She reminds me a lot of Inger with her no-nonsense sensibilities and strong hands.\u00a0 God knows I need them now, though I am loathed to admit it.<\/i><\/p>\n

Josiah stops by nearly every day.\u00a0 He barks orders and scolds relentlessly, but despite his gruff exterior, he smiles when I call him Paul and reminds me gently that his grandfather passed nearly twenty years ago.\u00a0 Roy Coffee a decade before that.\u00a0 I often wonder how my boys would ever have become men without their assistance.<\/i><\/p>\n

The potbellied stove keeps my front room comfortable.\u00a0It\u2019s smaller than any of the bedrooms at the ranch, but larger than my quarters on the Wanderer.\u00a0 It\u2019ll do.<\/i><\/p>\n

I brought little with me to this cottage. Pictures of my loves sit on the mantel along with Marie\u2019s music box that Joe recovered long ago. It still works, but it breaks my heart to hear it, so I leave it unwound.\u00a0 Adam\u2019s old guitar stands in the corner. A collection of Hoss\u2019s whittlings sits on the table beside my red leather chair in easy reach for fingering. How those big hands were able to achieve such detail is still a mystery to me.\u00a0<\/i><\/p>\n

The trunk beside me contains a lifetime of memories\u2014nearly a hundred oil-skin covered journals that still smell of brine and salt air and a bit of pine.\u00a0 The original leather-bound volume was a gift from the first captain I sailed with as a cabin boy at age 10.\u00a0 He suggested I keep a log, saying a life unexamined was not worth living.<\/i><\/p>\n

In the beginning, I wrote little more than the date, weather conditions, lunar phases and whatnot.\u00a0 But as I grew, I filled pages with descriptions of the people I had met, events witnessed, conversations had or overheard\u2014the sights, sounds, and aromas of foreign ports and harbors around the world.\u00a0 At year\u2019s end I heeded the captain\u2019s command to reflect on the experiences that were making me into a man. \u201cChart your own course, boy, and make corrections as you go along so you can become the man you are meant to be.\u201d\u00a0<\/i><\/p>\n

And so I have every December.\u00a0 It is the best advice I ever received or passed on.<\/i><\/p>\n

Over the years I often read random entries to my sons. Tales of my adventures. Stories about their mothers. The journey west.\u00a0 The struggle to build the Ponderosa.\u00a0 Pages of dreams and heartaches, and lessons learned\u2014all recorded nightly to be reviewed at year\u2019s end before the next volume is begun.<\/i><\/p>\n

Who am I kidding?\u00a0 I\u2019m 91 now. This is my last entry; my last journal.\u00a0 My journey is over.\u00a0 <\/i><\/p>\n

Ben dips his pen into the ink well and scratches the last words he will write.\u00a0 \u00a0The End<\/i><\/p>\n

He closes the cover on the final volume and places it reverently in the trunk.\u00a0 The time for reflection is over.\u00a0 He will never again be the man he once was.<\/p>\n

He stokes the fire in the stove before settling into his old leather chair, pulling a quilt over his shoulders.\u00a0 It\u2019s time for that long winter\u2019s sleep.<\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

Are his ears ringing with that damn tinnitus again?\u00a0 Or did he hear bells?\u00a0\u00a0 He listens closely.\u00a0 No.\u00a0 It\u2019s nothing.\u00a0 Nothing but the wind.\u00a0 Nothing but an old man\u2019s memories rattling around in his ancient brain.<\/p>\n

Then voices, both deep and high-pitched marked by laughter, break the silence.<\/p>\n

Ben rises slowly but the front door crashes open before he can reach it. \u00a0He is instantly assaulted by arms and legs, and hugs.<\/p>\n

\u201cPapa!\u00a0 There you are, Papa!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cMerry Christmas, Ben!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWe brought a tree, PopPop!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd lots of goodies, old man!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWill you read to us, Gramps?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cTell us a story, Grandad!\u201d<\/p>\n

*****<\/p>\n

1 January 1900
\n<\/i>Ponderosa Ranch
\n<\/i>High of 36\u00baF; low of 14\u00baF
\n<\/i>New moon<\/i><\/p>\n

I am not the man I was, but I am the man I was meant to be\u2014 grandfather, great-grandfather, and great-great-grandfather to the next generation of Cartwrights who have come to live with me on the Ponderosa.\u00a0<\/i>
\nI am where I belong.\u00a0 \u00a0Always and forever.<\/i><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

________<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Author\u2019s note:\u00a0\u00a0 Becky Sims\u2019 wonderful guide to writing Bonanza places Ben\u2019s birth in 1808, so it is not unconceivable that he would live to see the 20th<\/sup> Century.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Link to 2019 Advent Calendar – December 18:<\/p>\n

Good Intentions and Unplanned Consequences by Cheaux<\/b><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Summary: With great deliberation, Ben takes time to update his journal.<\/p>\n

Rating: G
\nWord Count: 940<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":9,"featured_media":25241,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"template-full-width-post.php","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_members_access_role":[],"_members_access_error":""},"categories":[1004,23,40],"tags":[1062],"class_list":["post-25362","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-ben-cartwright","category-drama","category-challenges","tag-advent-calendar","wpcat-1004-id","wpcat-23-id","wpcat-40-id"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/12\/advent.jpg?fit=480%2C413&ssl=1","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/25362","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/9"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=25362"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/25362\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/25241"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=25362"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=25362"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=25362"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}