Summary:\u00a0 A man’s dream….a child’s hope.<\/p>\n
Rating:\u00a0 T\u00a0 (57,620 words)<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
The House that Adam Built<\/strong><\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u2026\u2026\u2026..<\/p>\n The arrangement of living quarters that surrounded the original trading centre was protected by a pallisade of thick tree trunks and strong wooden gates which were policed by the men of the settlement. To Ben Cartwright it was a sign that they had reached the edge of civilisation as they knew it and beyond was the wilderness where animals and man would be more than happy to make a feast of them.<\/p>\n He directed the horses towards where several other wagons were lined up and their families were to be seen lingering close to everything they possessed within them. These individuals eyed him warily as he clambered down from the wagon seat and began to unhitch his animals.<\/p>\n \u201cCome far?\u201d a woman asked remaining seated on an upturned barrel while she peeled vegetables for her family meal.<\/p>\n \u201cFar enough.\u201d Ben replied sounding surlier than he had intended as he led the horses to what appeared to be a livery of some kind at the back of the trading post.<\/p>\n The woman resumed her work having met more weary men on this trek from her homeland than at any time before, she recognised the signs and wondered where the man\u2019s wife could be; every so often she raised her eyes to watch what he was doing and when he returned she asked him again if he had come any great distance.<\/p>\n Ben felt disinclined to talk, he was tired, exhausted, and what was far worse was that this was leading to his losing focus. The dream of what was ahead of him was seemingly drifting out of his reach, the selfish, and he was the first to admit it, but the selfish desire to pursue the dream had already put himself and his infant son in danger and now, noticing how primitive everything was in this settlement he had to accept that going onwards was going to have them face even greater dangers than ever.<\/p>\n He walked to the back of the wagon and disappeared inside, reappearing a little later with a child in his arms, a boy of just over a year in age. Sleepy eyed the infant gazed around him and then thumb in mouth settled his head upon his father\u2019s shoulder watching everything with the wariness of an infant unused to much social contact with people. Through half closed eyes he glanced from one to the other of them, noticed the horses, the wagons, the smoke from their fires. By the time Ben had reached the Trading Post the child was sound asleep once more and the whisper trickled through those gathered there that there was no woman riding with them.<\/p>\n Ben purchased what he needed, paid for the feed for the animals and arranged for their legs and feet to be checked over before the next leg of the journey. The Trader took his pipe from his mouth and narrowed his eyes \u201cYou intending to go on from here?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI am.\u201d Ben replied as he placed the purchases in a box which he balanced beneath his free arm.<\/p>\n \u201cAre you mad?\u201d<\/p>\n Ben looked at the other man and frowned \u201cNo. Are you?\u201d<\/p>\n The Trader raised his eyebrows and leaned forward his elbows on the counter and his face looking concernedly at the infant Ben was carrying, \u201cYou know what you\u2019re riding into out there?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cSomething worse than what I\u2019ve already ridden through I imagine.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYeah, something far worse. We ain\u2019t pushed the boundaries that far yet. This is the last trading post before you reach Joe Robidoux* trading post on the Missouri. Out there -\u201d he pointed with the stem of his pipe to what Ben assumed lay beyond the thick boundry fence \u201care wild animals, wild Indians and wild fur trappers who ain\u2019t gonna be too obliging\u2019 in seeing you and your family traipsing around the place. If you go in there you need to go with company.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou got anyone in mind?\u201d Ben replied patiently as he carefully counted out the money onto the counter.<\/p>\n \u201cWal, some of those folks in the wagons were thinking of moving on once summer came. Likely would take you with them if you asked.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHow long they been here?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cSome came just before the first snows of winter, but didn\u2019t want to continue until more wagons came. There have been the odd straggler since joining up with \u2018em.\u201d he put a plug of fresh tobacco in his pipe \u201cSome turned back last week to return the way they came. You likely to do that?\u201d<\/p>\n Ben paused, the child in his arms stirred and he put a hand gently to the boys back, \u201cNo. I don\u2019t intend on going any place other than onwards.\u201d<\/p>\n The trader took the money and passed over some coins in change. He nodded \u201cI\u2019ll get someone to check over your horses.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben said nothing but collected up the box of purchases and made his way back to the wagon where the woman was now waiting for him with a look on her face that made Ben feel uncomfortable. He was not in the mood for social chit chat, for an exchange of news and views and so forth. He wanted to spend the evening resting up, and being with his son, Adam.<\/p>\n \u201cHow old is the boy?\u201d she asked as he put the box down and then carefully settled Adam back into his cot.<\/p>\n \u201cJust over a year old.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhere\u2019s his Ma or ain\u2019t he got one?\u201d<\/p>\n Ben swallowed and nodded \u201cHe aint\u2019 got one.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou brung him all this way here without a ma?\u201d she looked at him and rolled her eyes before shaking her head and looking over at her camp fire where her food was now cooking, \u201cYou can join us for something to eat if you like. My husband and boys would enjoy talking to someone new, you can tell us what\u2019s going on in the big wide world.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI don\u2019t know much about the big wide world, Madam. We\u2019ve been travelling for a while now, not seen many folk along the way.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWell, you\u2019re welcome anyway.\u201d she replied and without another word slowly moved back to her position on the upturned barrel.<\/p>\n He didn\u2019t join them and they didn\u2019t pressure him into doing so, accepting the fact that he had arrived weary and as such would be more talkative in the morning when a fresh new day would have dawned.<\/p>\n Adam woke and rubbed his eyes and sat up, saw his father and smiled a sleepy hello. Ben leaned forward and tousled the boys black curls \u201cAlright then, son?\u201d<\/p>\n The child stretched out his arms and was instantly gathered up into his fathers embrace, safe and warm, the greatest protection a child ever could need. Ben passed him some food and helped him with the spoon as he ate his own meal by his side. The boy was quiet, perhaps too quiet, and Ben blamed himself for that as well. Too many weeks travelling, months on their own. He stared into the now empty bowl and tried to remember what Elizabeth looked like and the conversations they had shared together about this so called glorious dream. What innocent ignorant fools they were, as though they really could travel from Boston to their paradise so easily and as a result what kind of life had he condemned his boy to?<\/p>\n He opened a small trunk and took from it a music box which he wound up before raising its lid. The tinny music flowed and the child stopped to listen, his head to one side, the dark eyes fixed to the cherubs, he reached out and Ben smiled and gently reminded him he was not to touch it and was given something to eat instead. Now Ben picked up the picture he had of his wife, carefully wrapped between some paper so that it didn\u2019t crease he carefully set it down in front of them. \u201cSee, Adam , this is your Mama.\u201d<\/p>\n The boy looked at the picture and then at Ben, he nodded his dark head and smiled, dimples came to his cheeks and his teeth gleamed white like tiny seed pearls, he reached out to touch and again Ben removed his fingers and told him no, some things he had to learn not to touch.<\/p>\n Then Ben started to tell him the story about the lady in the picture and how she had told him to go in search of their dream. He told Adam that was why they had journeyed so far, for so long, and one day the dream would end when they found the right place to stop and build their house, their home. He smiled down at the child \u201cHouse, Adam?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHouse,\u201d the boy looked up and smiled, just a baby, with limited speech but he could say house even if he didn\u2019t know what a house was then.<\/p>\n \u201cWe\u2019ll build a house among the trees,\u201d Ben said quietly stroking the boys soft curls, \u201cTall trees, your Ma said you would be tall, standing among tall trees \u2026\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cTrees.\u201d the infant clapped his hands \u201cTrees.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben smiled and nodded, he knew he had been selfish to have brought an infant all this way, alone, he\u2019d been arrogant in assuming that it would be easy just because it had been his particular dream. As he looked at his son his heart swelled with pride and love, and he sighed \u201cI love you, son.\u201d<\/p>\n He whispered the words just as the music was tinkling to an end and when he looked up again he saw the face of a man staring in at him, a grin on his whiskery chin \u201cCame to invite you round for some hot drinks, seeing you ain\u2019t got a fire going yet.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben braced himself and nodded, thanked the man and leaned forward to pick up his son, it was time to meet the neighbours.<\/p>\n Chapter 2<\/p>\n The moon had finally slipped away behind clouds obscuring within deeper shadows the horses and wagon that had been concealed as much as possible within the shrubs and trees. Mocassined feet padded their way close to this covert and the sounds of men breathing heavily after exertion sounded nearer than they actually had been.<\/p>\n Ben Cartwright relaxed just a little, his rifle still at the ready in case any errant straggler came by and was curious enough or alert enough to see, notice, that there were strangers close that would lead to someone dying that night. Ben tried to control his breathing so that no sound would be heard by those men who had hastened by, keeping to the shadows and holding their coup sticks in one hand and bloodied tomahawks in the other.<\/p>\n Finally when not a sound could be heard only the rustling of leaves he allowed himself to relax and thank God that even the horses had remained invisible to those men who were endowed with eyes and instincts as sharp as a cats. He turned to a particular clump of shrubbery and carefully raised a bough to expose the child hidden behind it, with a finger to his lips he nodded and the child gave a tentative smile before crawling out towards his father, putting his arms around Ben\u2019s neck and holding him close.<\/p>\n Adam Cartwright was nearly four years old now and he knew the danger of speaking or even breathing loudly at those times when Ben would hide him away and put finger to mouth and say \u2018Not a sound, Adam.\u2019 He had learned that danger existed everywhere and caution was needed always, and if he ever wondered why his life was so bound up with fear he had only to look at his father and know it was also bound up with love.<\/p>\n After their brief embrace Ben checked the horses and wagon, then lifted the boy inside and told him to sleep, in a few days they should reach some settlement and safety. Adam nodded and pulled a blanket over himself. He closed his eyes and tried to sleep knowing that his father would be sitting, alone, with his eyes ever watchful and the rifle close to one hand and a knife in the other.<\/p>\n He wanted to sleep. He wanted to shut out the fear and the worry because the strange life this journey forced upon them created hardships beyond number. Every nerve in his little body was strained to hear some warning sounds of danger, something that would save them from the fate of the wagons they had travelled with some while back. The memory of the brutal attack upon them still gave him nightmares, there were sights and sounds that took place that day that still resonated even after some time had passed.<\/p>\n The survivors had struggled along together for a while before gradually drifting apart. Where there had been safety in numbers previously now seemed a pointless reason for them to co-exist together and Ben had turned away in the direction of the river as the others parted to go in a direction of their own choosing.<\/p>\n Still more recently had been the time he had gone down to the river near where Ben had stopped and due to exhaustion had fallen asleep. Adam had taken himself off to catch a fish after all he had seen Pa do it, but instead of catching anything he had been the one caught as some wily Indian caught him up by the foot and proceeded to drag him along the shore.<\/p>\n He had kicked with his free foot and struggled to grab hold of anything he could reach as he was hauled along like an old sack of meal, dragged along so that stones and pebbles, shrubs and tussocks of grass tore at his clothes and flesh.<\/p>\n The Indian had dragged him along by the foot for some distance before Ben had reached him, running along the shore line and throwing himself bodily upon the man totally ignoring the fact that where there was one Indian perhaps there could have been several more. The fight had been short and brief for fear for his son gave Ben a desperation that the other man lacked and by the time he had realised the white man had the better of him, it was too late. Ben had left the body in the water and then turned to swoop up his son and take him to safety.<\/p>\n Ben had disciplined him severely afterwards, and then explained the importance of obedience, the necessity of caution. The lesson had been learned, Adam never strayed again and kept his mouth shut, his eyes open and his senses on the alert – always.<\/p>\n As he tried to sleep he felt the wagon lurch to one side as it would when someone entered it, and he opened his eyes to look at Ben who had clambered in and was now preparing to sleep alongside him. \u201cIs it alright, Pa?\u201d he whispered.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m putting my trust in God, son,\u201d Ben replied quietly, \u201cI am so tired that if I don\u2019t sleep now I could do more harm than good later should it be necessary to -\u201d he yawned and closed his eyes, \u201cWere you frightened, boy?\u201d<\/p>\n Adam was never sure what to say when his Pa asked this kind of question, he didn\u2019t want his Pa to be worried if he had admitted that he had been, and he didn\u2019t want to tell a lie. He decided it was wiser to say nothing instead he said \u201cWe ain\u2019t gonna build a house here, are we, Pa?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo, son. This isn\u2019t the right place for us, yet.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWill it be soon?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI don\u2019t know. Perhaps.\u201d Ben drew the boy close to him, and could feel the sharp edges of the boys bones as he did so. He was too thin, Ben lamented within himself, far too thin, but what was there to eat in this wilderness, he couldn\u2019t hunt with his gun for fear the red men would hear and follow the sound of the shot. He sighed and closed his eyes, with his son\u2019s head resting upon his chest.<\/p>\n \u201cPa?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYes, son?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhen we get to our special place I\u2019m gonna draw you a big house, and then we can build it, can\u2019t we?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou\u2019ll draw me a big house, huh?\u201d Ben smiled slowly and gently ran his fingers through the boys black curls, \u201cHow big?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cEverso big. With windows.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOh, I see, and will it have a lot of rooms?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYep, and big steps up in the house like that house we saw where we stayed once before.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben frowned, and nodded in recollection of the cabin that had provided some shelter and hospitality some weeks back. It reminded him that the man of the house had warned him to get to the next settlement before the snows came, they were going to come early that year. \u201cThat house didn\u2019t have stairs, Adam.\u201d he said drowsily.<\/p>\n \u201cOur house will\u2026\u201d Adam replied nestling in closer, and he yawned, \u201cand a big fireplace to keep us warm.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben sighed, and his eyes grew heavier and then closed altogether. He didn\u2019t hear a sound, although he snored loud enough for a whole tribe of Indians to hear him and have scalped him a hundred times over had they heard.<\/p>\n When he woke up Adam was sleeping in his blanket and for a while Ben studied him with the anxious care of any parent, he noted how pale the child was, how thin and how the shaggy black hair seemed to make him appear thinner and paler. He wondered if this journey would ever end, if there ever would be a time when Adam would be able to draw his big house and if they would ever get to build it.<\/p>\n The sky was blue but the wind was cold, reminding him of the warning the man had given him some time ago about the snow. He raised his head and snuffed the air, and knew that he had to move on, there was no time for dallying now.<\/p>\n They drank water and ate pemmican and jerky, Adam was lifted up and onto the wagon seat while Ben led out the horses who had eaten well on fresh grass. It seemed to Ben that the most important thing now was to reach the settlement before the lone wagon with its meagre protection would fall foul of any marauder who should ride by.<\/p>\n It took another full day before the settlement finally hove into view and they were trundling their way through the gates which were closed behind them. It was a busy large place, bustling its way into a township and Ben soon found himself some work, and lodgings for him and Adam to stay. Within a week the snows arrived and would seal them in for the coming months of winter.<\/p>\n \u201cLook Pa,\u201d Adam held up a drawing on some paper that had been provided him along with wax crayons for he was proving quite a favourite among the ladies in the town. \u201cLook, I drawed you a house.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou drew me a house, son.\u201d Ben corrected him and smiled, placing his hand on the boys head and taking the paper in his other hand, \u201cSo you have, and a big house it is too.\u201d<\/p>\n He smoothed it out and listened as Adam pointed out the windows one for each room, and there was a door to the big room. \u201cWhere are the stairs, son?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cInside.\u201d came the prompt answer, \u201cI ain\u2019t drawed \u2018em yet, cos you can\u2019t see \u2018em.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHmm, well, we\u2019re going to need stairs to get to those rooms up here, aren\u2019t we?\u201d<\/p>\n Adam sighed and nodded, and observed his drawing seriously, Ben stroked his chin \u201cIs this house being built with bricks, son?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo, sir, with trees.\u201d came the prompt reply.<\/p>\n \u201cLooks like we\u2019ll be in for a busy time then.\u201d Ben smiled and carefully folded the drawing away, \u201cKeep it safe, we may need it some other time yet.\u201d<\/p>\n Adam nodded, he wanted to keep it safe in the trunk where the music box and the picture of his Mama was kept, but he knew that his Pa didn\u2019t like him touching those things anymore so he put the picture safely away in between the pages of a book.<\/p>\n That night he couldn\u2019t sleep for worrying about those stairs \u2026<\/p>\n Chapter 3<\/p>\n They had left the wilderness and entered a realm of civilisation, for just a short while they were rested from the fears of Indian attacks, starvation and the miserable existence of man and child fighting the elements. Within the oasis of this bustling little township Ben had found himself facing a different kind of menace, one he had thought to have left behind long ago in Boston. Profit loving greedy men who thought nothing of using man\u2019s basic inferiorities to harm others who they were led to think against them.<\/p>\n But Ben had also found within this maelstrom of greed, pride and violence, a woman whom he could relate to and love. A young woman with a lilt of an accent in her voice, clear blue eyes and golden hair, someone who loved him and his son as much as they loved her.<\/p>\n \u201cYou do understand what I\u2019m telling you now, Adam, don\u2019t you?\u201d Ben said seriously as he sat beside his sons bedside one evening.<\/p>\n \u201cSure, Pa. I understand.\u201d Adam replied looking intently at the pages of a book he was holding and trying not to catch his father\u2019s eyes.<\/p>\n \u201cNow, Adam pay attention.\u201d Ben gently lowered the book down and forced Adam to look at him by taking hold of his face in his hands, brown eyes gazed solemnly back at him, \u201cSo, what do you understand? Tell me?\u201d<\/p>\n Adam frowned a little crinkle like a horseshoe appeared between his eyebrows \u201cYou said you\u2019 em getting married.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThat\u2019s right.\u201d Ben nodded but looked slightly worried \u201cAren\u2019t you going to ask who I was getting married to?\u201d<\/p>\n Adam sighed and then shrugged slightly \u201cI don\u2019t know what getting married is? You ain\u2019t told me that yet? Is it good?\u201d<\/p>\n Ben trawled through his memory for a moment or two and then laughed softly, tweaked his son\u2019s nose \u201cGetting married means I am going to get myself a wife, a lady whom I love is going to come along and be with us \u2026 together, Adam, we\u2019ll be together, like a family. She will be your mother.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cMy mother?\u201d Adam breathed softly almost a sigh and his mind thought immediately of the lady in the picture. \u201cYou mean I\u2019ll have a Ma like those other kids?\u201d<\/p>\n Ben nodded, \u201cThat\u2019s right, you\u2019ll have a Ma like everyone else.\u201d<\/p>\n Adam settled back against the pillows and stared at Ben thoughtfully. It was a strange thing that they had never mentioned words like marriage, wife or such before. It was like opening a book with lots of words he didn\u2019t comprehend. He knew the position of certain stars and galaxies because Ben had taken time to show him them on the journey, pointing them out and talking about the importance of knowing their positions when on a ship. He even knew more about ships as Ben talked about them a lot as well\u2026ratlines and sails, taffrails and hawsers. He could never remember Ben spending any time talking about or referring to marriage and a wife, so something, or someone, in their lives now had made a difference and it involved a lady.<\/p>\n \u201cPa, I don\u2019t want you marriaging a lady.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cGetting married to a lady you mean.\u201d Ben smiled slowly \u201cWhy not?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cBecause I only like Inger, and if someone is coming along with us then I want it to be Inger.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben laughed aloud, he threw back his head and laughed so that his son thought his father had gone slightly crazy and if this was what being married was all about then perhaps his Pa should think about it some more and not do it, whatever it was. Ben shook his head and calmed down, all that rambling speech he had prepared and spilled out to prepare Adam for his marriage had obviously meant nothing but confusion to the lad. Such a bright boy and his naivete had caused total befuddlement.<\/p>\n \u201cHow about if Inger came along with us when we leave here next week, huh?\u201d Ben smiled and leaned closer \u201cWould you like to have Inger as your Ma?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cMy very own Ma?\u201d Adam\u2019s eyes widened and he even blushed a little \u201cMy Ma?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cSure? Wouldn\u2019t you like that?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI sure would, Pa, I sure would.\u201d he could barely contain his excitement, there was a bubble of joy rolling about inside his stomach bursting to get out and he jumped upright and threw his arms about his Pa\u2019s neck \u201cShe\u2019s a real fine lady, Pa.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cSo I remember you telling me a long time ago, son.\u201d Ben held him close, so close that he rolled off the chair and the pair of them landed on the floor with a thud, laughing even though they bumped heads.<\/p>\n Later in the calm of the evening when Ben had gone to see his future wife, Adam settled down beneath the blankets and stared at the ceiling. Inger would be his Ma, fancy that, his Ma. It was something he had often pondered over, seeing for himself at various brief times in his life how some men and women were always together and the woman would care for the children because she was their Ma. He had seen them, the way they washed the children and combed their hair, dropped kisses on their brows, smoothed away their hurts when they had fallen. He had watched as they read stories or sang songs to them, or just sat by their sides and held their hands in silence, a silence that needed no words between them.<\/p>\n He had wished at times so hard that he had a Ma of his very own, someone who would have held him in her lap and soothed away his hurts. Pa was kind and gentle, but it was different, he knew it was different because he had seen it, and even now, briefly he had known it, with Inger.<\/p>\n He drew in his breath and closed his eyes, that just about messed things up some, he told himself, he\u2019d have to draw another house to fit Inger as well.<\/p>\n \u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026..<\/p>\n Mr Philip Shrieber liked to keep himself to himself. He had a small wagon drawn by four good horses and no woman or child to keep him company. He disliked children for the noise they created and the way they were so unpredictable. He had attached himself to the small wagon train that was going to Ash Hollow and had sought privacy immediately. The neighbourly overtures of the women he had brushed aside firmly and politely, with the result that after a few weeks his isolation was not solely due to his own reticence in seeking society, but came because no one could be bothered about him anymore.<\/p>\n Then there was all that fuss over that woman having a baby, and it\u2019s consequent squalling. He always kept his wagon away from the one that belonged to the Cartwright family because he couldn\u2019t bear the noise of the woman singing lullabies and the baby crying. Everything about the family seemed noisy to Philip, from the man\u2019s deep voice that sounded like a fog horn and was heard voicing his opinions at any opportunity he could grab, to the woman trilling like a lark in that foreign voice of hers and the baby crying and the boy, that Adam, always asking questions.<\/p>\n Always turning up just when you thought it was safe to shave or change your underwear or burn your dinner \u201cWhat you doing, Mr Shreeber?\u201d<\/p>\n Adam did not realise for a moment that he was a thorn in the flesh as far as Philip Shrieber was concerned. The man was merely a man who was there and afforded him some interest. Later in life he would have said in his own deep voice \u2018The man intrigues me.\u2019 but he didn\u2019t understand the meaning of those words or feelings at his age of five.<\/p>\n One bright morning when there was an enforced delay Shrieber brought out his foldaway desk and inks and pens and papers. He unrolled the papers and examined them thoughtfully, before pulling up a chair and looking at the drawings upon them with a concentration that he gave most things of importance to him. He was an architect and had been asked to design some buildings for the town to which he was travelling. His one hope was to get there in one piece without going mad and killing any of his fellow passengers in the process. Not that he was a mad man, just that he was a perfectionist and had suffered his adversities in life, so was on what Ben would call \u2018a short rein\u2019.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat you doing, Mr Shreeber?\u201d<\/p>\n He swallowed, gulped and inhaled deep and long before raising his eyes to look at the boy who looked at him with a smile on his freckled face. Before he could say a word the boy stepped closer and looked down at the drawings \u201cThat\u2019s a house.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYes, it is -\u201d Philip replied drawing himself upright, \u201cIt\u2019s going to be the house of the -\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m a drawer, I drewed a house too.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhat exactly are you talking about, little boy?\u201d he shook his head, \u201cYou drew a house?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYes, I drewed a house.\u201d Adam nodded his dimples deep in his cheeks and the brown eyes bright with intelligence and interest \u201cBut it don\u2019t look like that \u2018un.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAh, your grammar is appalling.\u201d Philip groaned and shook his head \u201cThis drawing is the correct way to design a house. You see -\u201d he picked up his pen and beckoned the boy closer, then began to indicate the lines of the house, its proportions and layout, the position of windows and doors, even stairs.<\/p>\n \u201cThis is just the exterior,\u201d he said and began to roll it up in order to display the drawing that came next, \u201cThis is the design of the house\u2019s layout inside. You see here ? Stairs, and a fireplace, and here there\u2019s a door to -\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cIt doesn\u2019t look like a house.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI assure you it is.\u201d he sighed, why was he wasting time explaining such things to a child.<\/p>\n \u201cBut how do I get stairs in my house? And its gotta be big becos there\u2019s Inger and Hoss living in it as well as me and Pa now.\u201d<\/p>\n Philip shook his head \u201cWhat exactly are you talking about, boy?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cMy house, I drawed – drewed – a house to live in when we get to where we\u2019re going and we\u2019re gonna built it with the trees with big windows and stairs.\u201d<\/p>\n Philip sat down and rolled up his plans, he pulled out some paper and set it out on the table \u201cShow me.\u201d<\/p>\n The boy looked at him warily at first and then began to draw the house on the paper, the typical house one would expect a five year old to draw, some squares within a square and an oblong for a porch. Then the pen stopped and the boy looked at him \u201cShow me how to draw it proper so I can show Pa what it will be like inside?\u201d<\/p>\n So Philip the Architect drew a design of what he thought the house would look like inside, although the boy would say \u2018No, not that, don\u2019t like that.\u2019 or \u2018No, something bigger than that.\u2019 and when Philip shook his head and said \u201cWho exactly is going to build this thing?\u201d the boy smiled and said \u201cMe an\u2019 Pa.\u201d<\/p>\n It was time to move on, the camp was breaking up with fires being extinguished and children being gathered up. Inger called to Adam who ran towards her and Philip watched him go and then glanced down at the drawing he had sketched down of Adams house. Of course, he told himself, it\u2019ll never be built. He rolled it up carefully along with his own designs and slipped them into a long cylinder which was stowed carefully away in his wagon.<\/p>\n That night Adam told his Pa and Ma about the house he had drawn with the help of Mr Shrieber, the \u2018arky-teck\u2018. It had stairs and a big fireplace, the stairs led up to a long landing with lots of bedrooms, after all, it wasn\u2019t just for Pa and himself now, he had to think of Inger and Hoss.<\/p>\n Philip Shrieber often wondered about the little boy who had drawn the house which remained rolled up in among others designed on that ill fated trip. He could remember him well, an intelligent boy who suffered the loss of his mother during an Indian attack at the place called Ash Hollow. He wondered if the family had ever found their paradise and if the house had ever been built.<\/p>\n Chapter 4<\/p>\n There is a saying in the world that some events can turn a mans world upside down. So it was for Ben Cartwright, and if his world was rocked by Inger\u2019s death, so also was Adams for his father\u2019s grief was something quite beyond his comprehension.<\/p>\n In his short life span of just over six years Adam had known his father as a man of courage, integrity and if at times he was a trifle morose and short tempered, he was also gentle and generous, good humoured and loving. During the time they had Inger, shared her love together, Ben had laughed more, sang and joked, teased and loved in a way Adam had never known him previously. It had been a wonderful interlude in their lives.<\/p>\n It seemed now that Ben locked himself away from his son. If he wept for Inger and his loss then he wept alone beneath the stars at night as he gazed up at them and wondered why he had to suffer such a loss a second time. During the day he performed his duties in near silence, his face drawn and solemn, his eyes dark and emotionless, except that there were emotions, all the negative ones.<\/p>\n When Adam tried to slip his hand into that of his fathers as they sat side by side on the wagon seat, Ben would pretend not to notice it; if the boy leaned against his arm then Ben would move slightly away so that eventually Adam realised that his father preferred to be shut off, lost behind his grief to such an extent he didn\u2019t even realise that he had placed a double burden upon his little boy\u2019s shoulders.<\/p>\n There was Hoss to be cared for too. Ben would sit with the baby in his arms just staring down at him as though by doing so he could find Inger. During the day it was Adam\u2019s responsibility to care for the baby and he did so, often with tears running down his face as he thought of \u2018Ma\u2019. When the wagons stopped for a halt some woman or other would come to check on the boys, to nurse the baby, change it\u2019s diaper and make sure there was food for Adam, and Ben.<\/p>\n It was a time of learning for Adam, learning that his father was after all, merely human and a suffering one at that, it was a lesson he found hard to bear for he was, after all, only a child himself.<\/p>\n He stayed during the breaks with the women who had children of their own, hung close around them for the scraps of affection and kindly words that fell to him, until Ben would bark \u201cAdam. Time to go.\u201d<\/p>\n It was hard. It was harder than anything he had experienced in his life. He had no understanding of this adult world where his father could grieve to such a depth that nothing else seemed to matter, not him, not Hoss, nothing. He didn\u2019t understand that Ben felt so bereft that he felt numb, unable to think beyond the moment, that the existence he was forced into now, when his heart was torn in two left him only seeing an endless journey to nowhere and nothing meant anything anymore.<\/p>\n Hadn\u2019t it been hard enough without Elizabeth? And when a small voice whispered in reply \u201cBut there was Adam\u2026\u201d he ignored it. Why did it have to be so hard now, without Inger, couldn\u2019t she have been spared for him? And a small voice whispered \u201cYou\u2019ve two sons to comfort now.\u201d but he ignored that as well.<\/p>\n \u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026..<\/p>\n Hoss Cartwright dribbled milk and blew bubbles, his blue eyes followed his brother\u2019s finger until Adam tapped him gently on the nose and said \u201cBoo.\u201d<\/p>\n Mrs Penrose smiled and tapped Hoss on the back until the baby obliged with a loud burp, which made Adam laugh. \u201cThat was a loud one, Hoss.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHe\u2019s a big lad, your brother.\u201d Mrs Penrose said as she stood up to carry him over to the wagon where the baby was to be settled for the night.<\/p>\n \u201cI know. I told Ma he was a big \u2018un. Pa said he was called Erik, but my Uncle Gunther said to call him Hoss, because that means -\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAdam.\u201d Bens voice came from the shadows, \u201cThat\u2019s enough now. Get yourself to your bed.\u201d<\/p>\n Adam gulped back the words and blinked fast, with bowed head and the hope that Mrs Penrose hadn\u2019t seen the tears in his eyes he scrambled into the back of the wagon and then turned to take the baby from her. Hoss looked up at him and smiled his sweet gummy smile, his bare arm reached from the shawl while his fingers grabbed for his brother\u2019s dark curls. \u201cThank you, Mrs Penrose.\u201d Adam whispered.<\/p>\n \u201cYou\u2019re welcome,\u201d she replied and stood awhile to watch as he went into the back of the wagon to where he slept.<\/p>\n Ben returned to polishing the barrel of his rifle in a methodical manner that meant he didn\u2019t really have to think about what he was doing. Mrs Penrose paused a moment and then approached him slowly \u201cBen?\u201d<\/p>\n He froze, his shoulders went taut and he stared ahead of him \u201cGood evening, Mrs Penrose. Thank you for looking after the boys for me.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThere\u2019s plenty of food left, why not join us this evening?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo, that\u2019s alright, thank you.\u201d<\/p>\n She came closer until she was standing close enough for him to be unable to avoid her anymore, he looked up and raised dark eyebrows \u201cYes?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cBen, you can\u2019t go on like this, you know. You just can\u2019t, your boys need you and -\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m always there for my boys, Mrs Penrose. If you\u2019re finding it too much to feed them then I\u2019ll not bother you anymore.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNonsense, it has nothing to do with that \u2026\u201d she drew herself upright and looked at him sternly, her mouth was tight, \u201cGrief is all very well, it\u2019s natural, and you have good reason to grieve, but you have no reason to be so uncaring to your boys.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cMrs Penrose..\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo, let me finish what I want to say. Inger was a wonderful loving woman, and she loved her boys, what you\u2019re doing now is the very opposite of what she would want you to do. For goodness sake, man, your boys need your arms around them, not have you shut them out as you are\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n He just stared at her and then in silence checked the safety catch on the rifle and walked away.<\/p>\n He had walked no further than another two wagons when Philip Shrieber stepped in front of him, \u201cExcuse me, Mr. Cartwright, I\u2019d like a word with you.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben hissed through his teeth, it seemed the world and its mother wanted to stop and talk this evening, he shook his head \u201cI\u2019m busy\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cDoing what?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWalking and minding my own business.\u201d came the snapped off response.<\/p>\n \u201cGood that\u2019s what I had in mind too, so I\u2019ll just walk along with you for a while.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben frowned and glanced at his neighbour thoughtfully for Shrieber was a man who liked only his own company, after all hadn\u2019t he and Inger even laughed a little about him? Inger had said \u2026he bowed his head\u2026 it didn\u2019t matter what Inger had said, she wasn\u2019t there to say it anymore.<\/p>\n \u201cYour boy, Adam, he\u2019s a clever lad, knows a lot about quite a few things which I daresay you\u2019ve taught him over the years, Mr. Cartwright. You need to be teaching him how to read and to write, he has the brain to be a scholar you know? Yes, he has the liking for words and -\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHow would you know he has a liking for words?\u201d Ben stopped and turned to ask in a gruff off hand manner.<\/p>\n \u201cI read him some poetry this morning. He was quite enraptured and -\u201d<\/p>\n Ben snapped his head away and stared into the dark shadows of trees ahead, he walked more quickly in the hope of shaking this suddenly talkative man away. He didn\u2019t want to be bothered, he didn\u2019t want to wake up from this nightmare because if he did he\u2019d lose her, all over again, he\u2019d lose his Inger. If he resumed life as normal, wouldn\u2019t he be somehow disloyal to her and to what they meant together?<\/p>\n \u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026..<\/p>\n \u201cNow, Hoss, just close your eyes.\u201d Adam looked intently at his brother who stared as intently back, \u201cClose your eyes, Hoss.\u201d Hoss burped and drooled and made sounds like gurgles and water going down a plug hole. \u201cI\u2019ll tell you a story, Hoss.\u201d<\/p>\n Adam leaned forward and brought the corner of the shawl over his brothers shoulders, he smiled and freckles merged across his nose. \u201cOne day a pretty lady who was our Ma said to the little boy, \u201cWhat are you doing?\u201d and the little boy said \u201cI\u2019m drawing a house and it\u2019s the house where we are going to live.\u201d \u201cOh,\u201d said the pretty lady, and her name was Inger, she said, \u201cOh, how nice, is it a big house?\u201d and the little boy said \u201cYes, big enough for you and Pa, for Hoss and me\u2026\u201d\u201d<\/p>\n He stopped because something funny had happened to his throat, it was tight and somehow he couldn\u2019t breathe properly, he couldn\u2019t say the words, he was gasping for air, and his eyes were filling up with tears and in a voice tight with his grief he sobbed \u201cOh Ma, Oh Ma.\u201d<\/p>\n Sobs upon sobs, and shaking shoulders as he hunched over the baby with the tears dripping from his face and then Hoss realised his brother was crying and he began to wail adding his cries to those of his Adam. Adam raised his arm to brush away the tears but his chest was tight, and he was wailing, wailing with a forlornness that caused Mrs Penrose to pick up her skirts in order to run to the wagon.<\/p>\n Adam felt strong hands upon his shoulders gently turning him around and then a hand on his back as he was drawn to his fathers chest and held in a tight embrace that was more than anything that he wanted at that moment. He heard his father\u2019s voice soft whispers in his ear, his father\u2019s heart beat a soft rhythm against his own, and the smell of his Pa more comforting than anything he could think of as Ben rocked him back and forth until the crying stopped and he lay exhausted in Bens arms.<\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019s alright, Adam, it\u2019s alright, you\u2019re alright, son. We\u2019ll find our place, you\u2019ll see. You\u2019ll design your house and we\u2019ll build it together. We\u2019ll cut down the trees and build up those walls, see if we don\u2019t, son, see if we don\u2019t.\u201d<\/p>\n Now there was a time for healing, at last. That night Adam and Hoss slept to the sound of the tinny tune from Elizabeth\u2019s musical box, and in his bed Ben thought of the future for the first time in weeks. There would be a house, Adam\u2019s house, and they would build it, and more than that, his sons would grow as strong and tall as the trees that surrounded it.<\/p>\n Chapter 5<\/p>\n The journey stretched on through the weeks and months, and for a while Adam had the chance to be just a little boy who liked to play games with the other children, sing and shout, roll around in the grass and laugh. There was a lot of laughter now, a lot, and it made Adam feel safe especially when at the end of each day Ben would hold Hoss in his arms and Adam would lean into his lap and listen to whatever story his Pa wanted to share with him.<\/p>\n Ben didn\u2019t talk about Elizabeth or Inger, he kept the words inside his head and nurtured them in his heart. For his boys he told them the stories of his adventures at sea, or some bible story the character of whom he had a fondness. So Adam learned you didn\u2019t have to be big and strong to conquer a bully, just have faith and courage like David; and you didn\u2019t have to be afraid to admit to mistakes but have honesty like the Apostle Paul.<\/p>\n Sometimes if there was a river or stream nearby Ben would take Adam fishing with baby Hoss in his arm and set down safely in the grass, and sometimes when Adam fell asleep with the sun shining down upon his face he would wake up being carried home in his father\u2019s arms and set down beside his sleeping brother.<\/p>\n The wagon train changed at times. They would reach a settlement and wagons would separate to go their different ways. Sometimes in small townships Ben would stop awhile and get work in order to finance some project he had in mind for the future. It was at these times that Adam would be introduced to school if there happened to be one available. They arrived at the small township at the foot of the snow laden Sierras to find the trail already blocked off and impassable so once again the group of travellers separated, some to return to other settlements or attempt other routes to their preferred destinations, as a result many died due to the extreme weather, Indian attack and disease.<\/p>\n When Ben finally drove his wagon into the small township of San Francisco there were fewer than 500 souls living there. As he followed the other wagons Ben knew that this was not the place he wanted to settle into, and when the wagon came to a halt he sat awhile to consider his options.<\/p>\n \u201cIs this where we\u2019re staying, Pa?\u201d Adam enquired looking at the profusion of buildings, canvas tents and rough stone adobe cabins. Indians sauntered by as though bemused by the riff raff of settlers, sailors made their way to the saloons and rough houses along the main street and Chinese gabbled together as they carried their wicker baskets of washing back and forth.<\/p>\n \u201cNo, I don\u2019t think this is where we will be staying,\u201d Ben replied, he smiled as he looked down at the boy, \u201cStay here with Hoss until I get back. Don\u2019t leave the wagon, Adam.\u201d<\/p>\n The boy\u2019s shoulders slumped a little, he was stiff from sitting through the days travelling and running around to explore this place seemed perfectly ideal to him. He looked at his little brother and frowned, sometimes looking after Hoss wasn\u2019t his favourite task, since the child had learned to walk he tended to get to places even Adam didn\u2019t think of venturing into.<\/p>\n He sat and watched people walking by, wondered about where they had come from and where they were going. He could see his father talking to some men in a building close by that had its walls covered in maps, he had to narrow his eyes to see them, especially when a man started to move his finger tracing out a route along one map and Ben was nodding and stabbing at this place and then that place. Another man came along and Ben started talking to him, a book was brought forward and the men bent down over it, and then began to study the maps again.<\/p>\n So intent was he on watching his father that he forgot to look out for Hoss who, like Adam, had got stiff from so much inactivity. Hoss was an adorable child with his big blue eyes and round face framed by almost white blond hair, he looked older than he was due to his size so when he managed to clamber from the back of the wagon and hurry his way down the sidewalk no one seemed particularly worried.<\/p>\n Adam was finally roused from observing Ben when there was a gentle tug on the leg of his pants. He looked down and found a round smiling face with sloe black eyes looking up at him. He had never seen a man from China before and felt a slight feeling of panic but the man was nodding and smiling so he smiled back.<\/p>\n \u201cYou want boy?\u201d the man asked still nodding and smiling<\/p>\n Adam frowned and shook his head, he wriggled uncomfortably on the wagon seat and looked over at where his father was now engrossed in discussing something with the men in the building. Another tug at his trouser leg, and the Chinese man was smiling again.<\/p>\n \u201cBoy come out of wagon. You want him back?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHoss? You mean Hoss?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNot hoss, little boy.\u201d the man still smiled although he looked confused, he fumbled around to produce Hoss who had been concealed behind his back. \u201cThis boy? Your wagon?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHoss!\u201d Adam exclaimed and put on his \u2019angry face\u2019 \u201cWhat\u2019re you doing down there? If\u2019n Pa saw you now you\u2018d get a hiding for sure.\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss opened his mouth and began to grizzle, he rubbed his eyes and nose and wailed so that Adam had to jump down and put his arm around him, give him a slight shake before hugging him close. He looked at the man who was still standing there, looking concerned at them both \u201cThank you for bringing him back.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cBoy like spider, wriggle everywhere.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHuh, he sure does.\u201d Adam sighed and grabbed at Hoss\u2019 shirt as the child attempted to escape again.<\/p>\n \u201cBoy like candy? He see candy in window of shop.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHe sure does like candy alright.\u201d Adam replied struggling to stop Hoss from escaping for the child was stronger than most children his age. \u201cHe ain\u2019t never had much of it, but he sure likes it when he can get it.\u201d<\/p>\n The man nodded \u201cHop Sing understand.\u201d<\/p>\n Adam wrestled with Hoss a little longer and managed to get him back into the wagon where the child grizzled awhile by which time the Chinese gentleman had vanished. Adam peered about for him but there was no sign so he settled into the wagon with Hoss and started to read him a story from a picture book. Hoss wasn\u2019t interested in the book, or the story, or his brother\u2019s attempts to restrain him so that for a moment or two there was quite a wrestling match going on in the back of the wagon before a smiling face appeared looking in on them through the gap in the tarp.<\/p>\n Both boys became instantly silent and still as they stared at this cheerful looking man who once getting their attention held up both hands. In each he held a small bag of candy and nodding gleefully passed one to each child. \u201cYou like candy? Hop Sing make good candy, lots of sugar and things little boys like.\u201d<\/p>\n Adam and Hoss just stared at him until eventually Adam stammered a thank you and Hoss just stuck some candy in his mouth, Hop Sing nodded as though the sight of the child drooling over the candy was the best thing he had seen in years.<\/p>\n \u201cAdam?\u201d Ben\u2019s voice intruded upon the trio, and the other man stepped aside to allow Ben to reach the back of the wagon, peer inside and see his sons safely there. He frowned before turning to Hop Sing \u201cDid you get them the candy? How much do I owe you?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo – Hop Sing make candy – all good, boys like, you see -\u201d Hop Sing gestured to where Hoss was almost choking on the sweet stuff.<\/p>\n Ben frowned, nodded and thanked him gruffly and was about to address Adam who was still wondering what to do with his bag of candy when the Chinese stepped up to Ben\u2019s side \u201cYou stay here in town?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cEr – no – I\u2019m travelling on, towards Utah territory.\u201d<\/p>\n Hop Sing nodded \u201cNot many peoples there yet.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cTrue, which is one reason why I\u2019m going there. Anyway, thanks but -\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou alone? No woman? No wife?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWell, not that it\u2019s any of your business but -\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cLots of bad Indians, wild animal, who you have help you with little boys?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cPardon me?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou go alone? Have boys? You one man, one gun, fight many Indians? No, Hop Sing think you one crazy man.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben\u2019s eyes rounded and the black brows beetled into a scowl \u201cWhat?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou not go alone. Hop Sing come too. I shoot gun, cook food, help with boys.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben looked over at his eldest son who was watching with his eyes and mouth wide open, he had seldom seen his father bested in a war of words but it seemed as though this foreigner was certainly getting the master of him. As Ben was going to do for many more years to come he turned to Adam for help in getting him out of the situation only to find that Hop Sing wasn\u2019t going to brook any of that nonsense from him.<\/p>\n \u201cI go come back soon.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI may be gone by the time you get back.\u201d Ben growled.<\/p>\n Hop Sing smiled and bowed politely \u201cI come back very soon.\u201d<\/p>\n As he hurried away Ben turned to look at his two sons, one who was sticky and relishing his candy and not bothered about anything other than that, and the other staring at the retreating stranger with something like awe on his face. \u201cWell, Adam, what do you think we should do?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWell,\u201d Adam frowned, his eyes still on Hop Sing who was rounding the corner of the street \u201cHoss likes his candy.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThat\u2019s not the best reason for getting ourselves lumbered with the fellow.\u201d Ben grunted.<\/p>\n \u201cWell, he sure seemed like he wanted to come along with us, Pa.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHe sure did, didn\u2019t he? I wonder why.\u201d Ben rubbed his chin and looked doubtful, \u201cI think we had better just get ourselves out of here as quick as we can -\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHe\u2019s coming back, Pa.\u201d Adam cried excitedly and relaxing his hold on his bag of sweets which somehow got into the clutches of his little brother.<\/p>\n Hop Sing was coming back, carrying a big basket of what must have been his personal effects and a rifle slung over his shoulder. Behind him came at least six other men, all Chinese of varying ages and within minutes Ben found himself surrounded by them all gabbling and gesturing. Hop Sing meanwhile stowed his basket into the back of the wagon and stood beside Ben as though that was his station in life. He smiled and nodded and then bowed to the other men who all stopped talking and bowed back. He turned to Ben \u201cMy Uncle and cousins, they come to say to you thank you for taking me on journey with you.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI don\u2019t recall actually saying that I would, Mr Hop – er – Sing.\u201d Ben replied with a courtesy he didn\u2019t actually feel.<\/p>\n The distinguished looking elderly gentleman now stepped forward and bowed \u201cHonoured sir, my nephew, Hop Sing, very good cook, very good man, honest and works hard. You not like, you send back quick.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYes, but -\u201d<\/p>\n The older man smiled gently \u201cHop Sing wise man, he see you go in long way all alone with small boy you go into danger and need help. One gun not enough for territory you go into, Hop Sing very good with rifle.\u201d<\/p>\n Hop Sing beamed proudly at his Uncle\u2019s recommendations, he nodded at all his relations who nodded back and bowed, so that he bowed again. Ben looked at him thoughtfully, it was logical, it made sense. He was going to leave the other wagons and he would be alone, with two small boys to care for \u2026 he nodded \u201cVery well then, we had best get started.\u201d<\/p>\n Adam watched as the stranger took his place beside Ben on the wagon seat. He sat back and thought how strange it was that this person should have attached himself to them. That night as Ben finished the story and settled them down to sleep he said, rather casually \u201cWell, son, you\u2019ll have to add another room to our house if Hop Sings going to stay with us.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI know, Pa.\u201d Adam sighed and folded his arms behind his head, \u201cBut it\u2019s a good thing really that he\u2019s come along isn\u2019t it? He can help us build it.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben laughed and ruffled the dark hair, \u201cI somehow doubt that he\u2019ll turn out to be any kind of builder.\u201d<\/p>\n Adam turned his head and observed his Pa thoughtfully, shadows played over Ben\u2019s face but even so there was far less strain there than had been even a year ago, he raised his hand and placed it upon Ben\u2019s cheek, just briefly, but it was an action that said more than words ever could how much he loved him.<\/p>\n As they journeyed on Hop Sing proved to be all he had said he was, a better than good cook, a fine shot with the rifle and a man who loved the boys. Ben had many an occasion to be grateful for the day Hop Sing had stopped by their wagon as they continued a further two hundred miles to what would become \u2026 home.<\/p>\n Chapter 6<\/p>\n From time to time during the journey from San Francisco Ben would take out a map and some papers that he had collected from the Land Registry Office. The route and land that Ben had negotiated with them was what Adam had observed from his seat on the wagon, and now, with these in hand, Ben brought the wagon to their first sight of the Lake.<\/p>\n He had to stop the horses and just allow his eyes to dwell upon the whole vista that opened up before him. Hop Sing, seated beside him looked back and beckoned the boys to join them so that the four of them sat and feasted their eyes upon the sight.<\/p>\n \u201cIs it the sea?\u201d Adam asked naively to which Ben smiled and after putting his arm around his son\u2019s shoulders explained that it wasn\u2019t the sea, but a lake. A vast body of water captured in a valley, \u201cCan I sail a boat on it?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cPerhaps one day.\u201d Ben said thinking of small paper rafts whereas Adam was thinking more in the line of his father\u2019s clipper ships.<\/p>\n \u201cWater -\u201d Hoss declared pointing at the lake \u201cBirds.\u201d<\/p>\n As they watched some geese made a perfect landing upon the surface creating ripples that eddied out, widening until they disappeared from view.<\/p>\n A better day could not have been chosen for them to have arrived at this spot, wild flowers grew in profusion everywhere they looked, animals scampered about with hardly a glance at them although Hop Sing observed them with a sharp eye. The surrounding landscape was mirrored perfectly in the tranquil stillness of the waters.<\/p>\n \u201cI can hardly believe that this is our territory,\u201d Ben murmured, \u201cI can\u2019t believe it.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cMaybe those with eyes that have been watching all won\u2019t believe it either.\u201dHop Sing muttered.<\/p>\n Ben glanced at his companion anxiously \u201cYou saw them too?\u201d<\/p>\n Hop Sing inclined his head \u201cYes, many times, follow us – Hop Sing keep rifle very close.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben nodded now and looked over to where the boys were now running playfully along the banks of the lake, \u201cDon\u2019t say anything about them to the boys, I don\u2019t want them frightened.\u201d<\/p>\n He watched them for a moment and then mindful of what or rather who they had been discussing Ben shivered as though someone had walked over his grave. He glanced over his shoulder but everywhere was calm, only the birds flew overhead, rabbits peered from their burrows and a slight breeze bent the heads of the heavier flowers.<\/p>\n Eventually he and Hop Sing joined the boys on the banks of the lake, Hop Sing cast out a line and sat down on the grass and Ben chased the boys about until they were too tired to run any more. By the time they returned to the wagon Hop Sing had caught enough fish to provide food for an army. Ben lifted the boys back into the wagon \u201cWell, Adam,\u201d he said with a smile on his face \u201cDo you think this would be the best place to build our house?\u201d<\/p>\n Adam shook his head and laughed, he was happy, he felt free from worries and the beauty of what he had seen had touched his little heart. Beside him Hoss bounced on the blankets of his cot, his energies returning.<\/p>\n \u201cLet\u2019s move on then.\u201d Ben ruffled Hoss\u2019 curly blond head and returned to take his position beside Hop Sing who sat rigid backed with his rifle across his arm.<\/p>\n If the boys sensed the wariness of the two men as the wagon rolled away from the lake towards the more verdant areas of land they made no mention nor indicated it. As Ben urged the team of horses onwards he took good note of the land through which they were travelling \u2026 when he saw meadows of grass he thought of cattle, a drier terrain and it pondered upon the likelihood of horse rearing, and then when the wagon eventually returned to the shadows of the trees he thought of a saw mill.<\/p>\n Now, he pondered, why a saw mill? Apart from the cost of setting one up, why have one here just because there were so many trees, after all, they were just the one family.<\/p>\n As dusk finally settled around them and the day was drawing to an end Ben decided they would make camp. He unhitched the horses and after securely hobbling them on a picket line he found himself staring into the shadows wondering if the talk he had heard in the Land Registry would be true. He rubbed his chin anxiously, remembering how the Manager had drawn up a map of his territory and as he had handed it to him had congratulated him for getting in ahead of the crowd.<\/p>\n \u201cMark my words, Mr Cartwright, it won\u2019t be long before there\u2019ll be a flood of people beating their way to that territory.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhy? What\u2019s there that they haven\u2019t already got here?\u201d Ben had asked as he had pocketed the papers and taken the receipt for the monies he had paid over.<\/p>\n \u201cWell, they\u2019ve been prospecting there for some while,\u201d another of the men in the office had observed, \u201cThey reckon there\u2019s gold in the Washoe, and one they make it more public than they have you can guarantee it\u2019ll be like Sutters Creek all over again.\u201d<\/p>\n The Head Clerk had closed the book and pushed it to one side, leaning on one elbow he looked thoughtfully at Ben \u201cSo why\u2019d you want to buy up so much land, Mr. Cartwright? There ain\u2019t nothing there except Indians and a few prospectors.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cDo the Indians cause any trouble?\u201d Ben had asked anxiously and had noticed the way the men had looked at one another before one replied \u201cIf they do we ain\u2019t likely to hear about it.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben had said nothing but left with the feeling that a wagon with one man and two small boys would be swallowed up by the territory he had just paid for and whatever the Indians did to them would be of no account. No doubt the Land Registry clerk was already thinking of how to re-sell the land in the future to some other fool who was willing to hand over the required funds.<\/p>\n Perhaps that was why he had been more willing than usual to take Hop Sing on board, the security of having another adult – although at times he did wonder if he could put Hop Sing in that category – made a big difference to his state of mind.<\/p>\n As the boys settled down to sleep in the wagon Ben wandered over to the camp fire and stood there awhile listening to the night sounds. He looked up at the sky and observed the stars, the moon shining above half hidden by the dark peaks of the trees. He felt an overwhelming feeling of privilege at being there, the awesome beauty he had seen through out the day made him feel that at last everything was right, everything was as it should be.<\/p>\n Later he took out his copy of Paradise Lost by John Milton. He located the section that he and Elizabeth had loved so much, and as he read it he imagined her voice whispering the words along with him :<\/p>\n \u201cThey, looking back, all the eastern side beheld \u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026.<\/p>\n Ben had woken early enough to see the first streaks of light pierce the dark heavens and had stirred himself to build up the fire. The feeling that he was not alone, and by that he didn\u2019t mean Hop Sing and the boys, but some other presence being felt he looked about him warily and reached out a casual hand towards his rifle so that it would appear a natural movement rather than a defensive one.<\/p>\n A darker shadow within shadows shifted and moved, merged with several others to become complete so that by the time he had the rifle in his hands several men were approaching him. They entered the camp without the arrogance of the Plains Indians but there was certainly enough hostility felt for Ben to feel the hairs on his body tingle.<\/p>\n A man stepped forward, looked around the camp with a look of obvious disgust and then glared at Ben, \u201cWho you?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m Ben Cartwright. I\u2019m here with my sons and a friend.\u201d he cleared his throat \u201cThis is going to be our home.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHome?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYes, our home.\u201d<\/p>\n The Paiute turned to address the other men, several of whom spoke together, angry tones of voice and threatening gestures were obvious. Hop Sing had arisen and was standing beside him, unarmed it seemed, although he actually had a good meat cleaver hidden behind his back.<\/p>\n \u201cYou say – this home – you not ask Chief – you not ask permit have?\u201d a toss of the head, black eyes glittered and proud lips thinned.<\/p>\n \u201cWhere is your Chief ? It would be good to see him, to talk.\u201d Ben replied, hoping that such a request wouldn\u2019t lead to greater problems.<\/p>\n \u201cHe come – speak you – soon.\u201d<\/p>\n They left as silently as they had first appeared with Ben and Hop Sing watching them until satisfied that they were alone. Ben looked at his companion \u201cWell, we may as well have some coffee, I\u2019ll get the boys.\u201d<\/p>\n \u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026<\/p>\n Adam very carefully placed the sticks on the ground. Watching him from his seat by the fire Ben could see a pattern emerging and with a smile asked his son what he was doing to which Adam replied he was making their house.<\/p>\n Ben promptly stood up and approached him and by looking down could see the outline of the building that Adam was designing. \u201cSo this is where we shall live, huh?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cSure, Pa, this is the big room see? Here\u2019s the stairs -\u201d he pointed to where a cluster of sticks indicated a stair case.<\/p>\n \u201cHmm, we\u2019ll need a barn you know, and stables for the horses.\u201d<\/p>\n Adam nodded and stood up, brushed his hands upon the back of his pants, \u201cPa, how many men built the ark?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhat ark?\u201d Ben swilled coffee round and round in his mug, and then smiled \u201cNoah\u2019s ark do you mean? Well, there were Noah and his three sons, their wives and Mrs Noah.\u201d<\/p>\n Adam sighed and nodded \u201cSure is a good thing our house ain\u2019t gonna be bigger\u2019n the ark.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWell, that\u2019s true.\u201d Ben leaned down and looked at the twigs that Adam had set out so carefully, \u201cSo, what have we got here \u2026 a big room \u2026\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAnd a big fireplace, Pa, just here -\u201d Adam pointed to an area \u201cIs that the best place, Pa?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI think so, son.\u201d<\/p>\n They shared a smile, a moment united in a common thought before Ben broke away to check on his horses, one thing he knew about the Paiute was their love of stealing animals.<\/p>\n Hoss came running round from the back of the wagon, without looking and without thought he dashed through the carefully set out twigs so that they were scattered over the ground. \u201cHoss, you broke it, you broke it on purpose.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cDidn\u2019t\u201d came the swift retort, which was Hoss\u2019 most immediate form of defence.<\/p>\n \u201cYou did.\u201d and Adam gave his brother a punch of his fist which resulted in Hoss giving a howl and turning to give his brother an immediate punch back.<\/p>\n Adam went down as though he had been struck by lightning and Hoss was about to throw himself on top of his brother – seeing it as an ideal opportunity to land another blow before Adam could strike back at him – when Ben grabbed him by the seat of the pants and hauled him back \u201cThat\u2019s enough – go and sit down, over there -\u201d<\/p>\n Ben knelt beside the older boy and looked at him anxiously for Adam\u2019s stillness was unusual, he was quick and light on his feet and even now he remained inert. \u201cHop Sing – get me some water.\u201d<\/p>\n The wet cloth wiped around his face and neck slowly brought Adam to his sense, his eyes rolled around a little and he had to blink several times to get them in focus. He looked up into the anxious eyes of his father and Hop Sing \u201cHoss hit me.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI know. He just doesn\u2019t know his own strength, son. Are you alright?\u201d<\/p>\n Adam\u2019s bottom lip trembled, he wanted to cry as much from humiliation at the fact that his younger brother had knocked him out as in the pain he was feeling still. He sat up and glowered at Hoss who was sitting by the wagon. The little boy was sniffling and crying, scared that his brother wouldn\u2019t wake up, and worried by the repercussions that would come as a result.<\/p>\n Ben, after making sure that Adam was going to be alright, left him to Hop Sing\u2019s ministrations while he went to sit with Hoss.<\/p>\n It had become evident as Hoss had grown that the boy possessed more than the usual strength of one so young, as a result he had often times hurt Adam more than he had intended when they were having their scraps, but this was the first time he had actually accomplished a \u2019knock out\u2019. There had been other instances of the boy not understanding that he was stronger than most and that he had to learn to handle his strengths in a way that would not hurt others or injure himself.<\/p>\n How could one explain to a child not yet three years of age that he had to be more careful, that he had to hold things gently when perhaps he already thought he was? Ben rubbed his jaw and sat down, gave Hoss a hug and then stammered through some explanation only to have Hoss say, quite truthfully \u201cHe hit me first.\u201d<\/p>\n He was just a little boy and with limited understanding, it was just too easy to assume that because of his size and strength he was so much older than he actually was, that he had to restrain either his strength or his temper. How does a child realise that a natural reaction to defend oneself had to be reined in \u2026that his rough and tumble could mean pain and injury to his brother?<\/p>\n Hoss approached Adam with his head hung down \u201cSorry, Addy\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cGo away, I don\u2019t like you, you broke my house.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cDidn\u2019t \u2026\u201d the brows beetled together in a scowl<\/p>\n \u201cDid too.\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss\u2019 bottom lip trembled, tears welled up \u201cYou\u2019re bossy.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI ain\u2019t.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou are too.\u201d<\/p>\n Adam stepped forward, fist clenched and ready to swing but Ben caught hold of him and spun him round \u201cYour brother said sorry, now leave it be.\u201d seeing the mutinous look on his sons face Ben lowered himself down to look into his face \u201cYou have to remember he\u2019s much younger than you are, you have to learn more control over your feelings, over your temper. You have to look after your brother, Adam.\u201d<\/p>\n Adam bristled, it seemed to him that all he ever did was look after his brother, he pouted and his dark eyes went darker \u201cHe hit me.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou hit him first.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHe hit me harder\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou have to teach him not to \u2026\u201d<\/p>\n Adam pulled away, he felt hard done by and slouched to the wagon where he found refuge in a book, while Hoss picked over some food that had been left over from the morning meal.<\/p>\n Both boys had a lot to learn and it seemed to Ben that he was failing to teach them \u2026 it was at times like this that he missed Inger, longed for Elizabeth.<\/p>\n Chapter 7<\/p>\n Ben decided to move on from that location, he felt it oppressive and the trees crowded in so thickly that it provided too good a cover for any Indian attack. With rifles at the ready and his revolver loaded by his side he and Hop Sing took the wagon away from the lake and woodland to where they could see it slightly thinning out.<\/p>\n Unbeknown to Ben the Chief of the Paiute was a man of outstanding wisdom and foresight. He was a man given to strong religious beliefs and firmly believed that all men were of one family and that one day the white man, and others, would one day come to his land and be united in peace. Now that another white man had arrived he prepared himself to greet him and welcome him to the land which he did not then know had already been purchased.<\/p>\n He was called Onennumucca or One Mocassin and many years earlier had led the Lewis and Clarke party to a safe place from the Bannocks. He was to become known as Truckee in the future, and was father to Winnemucca. Dressed in his rabbit skin and fox lined garments he rode at the head of a small party of Paiute to locate the lone white man and his companion.<\/p>\n Adam and Hoss were back on good terms now and waiting for Ben to confirm whether or not the area where they had stopped would be the location for their house. As far as Adam was concerned it was beautiful. There were not too many trees to make it dark and foreboding, and when he lay on his back and looked upwards he could see the sky through the tops of the trees. Wild flowers grew in profusion and lent their sweet smell to the air around him.<\/p>\n Hop Sing was showing Hoss how to handle an egg. It was his first lesson on how to hold things in a more careful way, a way where nothing could be harmed. It meant being taught that he was different, and although that made little connection in his mind at the time, it was something he would grow to fight against bitterly until finally accepting it.<\/p>\n When Onennumucca stepped out from the trees Ben was caught some distance from his weapons and stood between the Pauite and the wagon, Hop Sing stood up slowly and shuffled the little boy behind him for protection while Adam scrabbled to his feet and hurried to his father\u2019s side.<\/p>\n The Chief opened up his fur garment revealing his nakedness and that he came unarmed, he nodded and smiled and in halting language assured Ben he had come in peace. It was time to talk, as new friends. Weeks passed, trees were felled, and land cleared. The Paiute came to watch until they were bored and drifted back to their own duties of life. During the night Adam and Hoss slept in the wagon while close by the house slowly began to take shape.<\/p>\n No matter how impatient Adam was to see \u2018his\u2019 house built there was only so much that two men and two small children could accomplish. A tree had to be felled, stripped of its boughs and branches, and then cut to shape and size. It took back breaking work, during which time Hop Sing had to cook and care for the boys who were limited to the amount they could do to help their father. The horses worked with a will, but eventually axes and saws would get blunt so it would be another task to sharpen them up each evening in preparation for the next day.<\/p>\n \u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026.<\/p>\n The son of Winnemucca, grandson of \u2018Truckee\u2019, befriended Adam and often the two boys would wander off. They would swim in the river, fish, as well as hunt for rabbits and small game. He was known as Yacoub although later in life he would change his name as many of his people customarily did, a name changed with differing circumstances in their lives and how they felt about them.<\/p>\n It seemed to Yacoub that this white boy was very ignorant of many things so he took it upon himself to teach him how to track, how to follow the spore of a wild deer, how to identify the roots of plants that could be nourishing, and those that could kill. Adam\u2019s education was stretching and the more he learned the more eagerly he wanted to learn more.<\/p>\n Ben tolerated his sons absences because the boy was of little help to him, and it was to their benefit that he was kept amused. Hoss kept closer to Hop Sing, forging an unbreakable bond that would last a lifetime, and not only because of the food the man cooked for them.<\/p>\n In August Ben returned to San Francisco, which had grown even larger during the few months since they had left. Ben bought more staples and equipment for the house. He also returned with half a dozen men who were willing to assist him, for a salary and some good food.<\/p>\n \u201cWell, Adam.\u201d Ben put his arm around the boys shoulders, \u201cWhat do you think now?\u201d<\/p>\n Adam nodded and leaned against his father\u2019s knee, they were standing on an outcrop of rock which provided them a birds eye view of the land that had been cleared, and where the foundation of the house had been set out. The boy thought of his drawings over the years, and the way he had visualised it so many nights on end. If Ben had had a dream to spur him on, then Adam had had a project and now looking down on what was the outline of their future home he felt an overwhelming sense of pride and pleasure.<\/p>\n \u201cPa, am I an arky-teck now?\u201d he asked with his brown eyes wide and shining with delight.<\/p>\n \u201cWell, it is your design.\u201d Ben said with his dark eyebrows raised as though surprised that his son would doubt the fact.<\/p>\n There were still some trees clustered close by, providing shade during the heat of days to come, and a wind break when winter blew in. There was the well being dug out by two of the men, and there was Hop Sing standing in the place that would one day be his domain. He had his hands on his hips looking from right to left and beside him a little boy with blond hair stood in parody of him, hands on hips and head twisting this way and that\u2026 a sight that brought a smile to Ben\u2019s lips as he watched them.<\/p>\n \u201cHow many bedrooms do you say we need?\u201d Ben asked as he turned and lifted the boy into his arms and onto his shoulder.<\/p>\n Adam laughed \u201clots and lots,\u201d he raised his arms into the air \u201cI can see the mountains, I can see the sun shining on Sun Mountain, Pa, it looks like gold. I can see the trees they stretch for miles and miles, Pa.\u201d<\/p>\n Clean fresh pure air, Ben drew it down deep into his lungs and closed his eyes. \u201cThis is it, then, Elizabeth. This is home \u2026\u201d<\/p>\n Chapter 8<\/p>\n The house was built before the winter set in that year. Ben and the men he had hired built up the fireplace while Hoss and Adam made up the clay cement that was used to keep the stones all together. It was a fine centrepiece for the big room and everyone stood back for some minutes just looking at it and admiring it. It extended up to the roof so the heat from the fire warmed the two main bedrooms that the chimney passed through.<\/p>\n Ben had to make numerous trips to San Francisco which was growing all the time. He brought back everything that was necessary, sometimes having to hire out more men and wagons to bring them all. There was the stove that had to be put in the area which was designated his study, and there was the oven and stove for the kitchen so that Hop Sing could continue to cook fine meals for them.<\/p>\n Furniture took more time but bit by bit things arrived and were fitted into the rooms, they made do with what was available until items did arrive, both the boys were amazed at the things that would \u2019appear\u2019 from the wagons and be carried into the house.<\/p>\n Glass for the windows presented a problem as there were no glaziers at the time, so wooden shutters had to be used to keep out the cold air. They were fixed both externally and internally for double insulation.<\/p>\n It seemed to Adam as though the house grew a bit more every day, rising up from its foundations and becoming more like a real home all the time. The care Ben took in smoothing out the floor boards of every room so that they were as smooth as could be with no danger to any feet getting splinters was a remarkable testimony to his patience. Adam and Hoss would be on their knees beside him to help when other tasks didn\u2019t beckon for their attention.<\/p>\n When the first snows were beginning to fall the hired men drifted away, hands were shaken and salaries paid. Hoss was the most upset at seeing them go, he was a gregarious little boy and enjoyed company more than his more serious minded brother who still preferred to run around with Yacoub, which really annoyed Hoss.<\/p>\n \u201cWe should have a name for our home,\u201d Ben said one evening several days after the men had left.<\/p>\n He sat by the roaring fire smoking his pipe while Hoss sat on his left knee leaning against his chest and Adam sat on the floor leaning against his father\u2019s leg. Outside the wind howled and snow struck against the wooden shutters making them thump and thud against the framework.<\/p>\n Hoss wasn\u2019t interested in thinking about anything except how cosy and warm it was and how glad he was not to be in the wagon any longer. Adam was becoming drowsy from the fire\u2019s heat and yawned before saying, \u201cPa, are we poor?\u201d<\/p>\n The question caught Ben unawares and he had to clear his throat by coughing, \u201cNo, we ain\u2019t poor, son.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cBut we were one time, weren\u2019t we?\u201d he looked up at his father quizzically, \u201cWhen we went to that town and met Ma, we were poor then.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYes, we were,\u201d Ben nodded, and stared into the flames as he thought back to the time when he had almost gone begging, cap in hand, for work. \u201cYes, Adam, we were very poor then.\u201d<\/p>\n He didn\u2019t say anything about the times when they had been starving during the miles of their journey through the wilderness, where Indians padded silently by looking for their white victims. It didn\u2019t matter then how much gold you had hidden away, it couldn\u2019t buy anything, as valueless as the dirt itself. He sighed and absent mindedly ruffled Adams hair \u201cWe\u2019re not rich, son, but with hard work and diligence we\u2019ll be alright.\u201d<\/p>\n Adam didn\u2019t ask who diligence was, he wondered if it had anything to do with Hop Sing and as for Hoss he was sound asleep now and snoring.<\/p>\n A name for their home, Ben sucked the stem of his pipe and stared into the flames\u2026the Cartwrights of the ..mmmm, Ben Cartwright, owner of the Triple C ranch? Box C ranch. He shook his head, he only had two milk cows and a bull so far so could he rightly class it as a ranch?<\/p>\n He looked around him at the big room and the fire, he felt pride touch his heart, it had all come about as close to Adam\u2019s drawings as possible, a few tweaks provided by himself of course, but the child had had the right idea of what suited this wild rugged place. No bricks either, all built from the trees that grew upon the forested hills and mountains. He sighed and got to his feet, dislodging Adam as a result and holding Hoss in his arms, \u201cHow about The Pinetree ranch?\u201d he suggested to Adam who was rubbing his eyes and yawning even more.<\/p>\n He carried Hoss up to the boys room, knowing that during the night the child would no doubt creep into Adam\u2019s bed for they were so used to being close together at night. He pushed open one of the shutters, pushing snow from the ledge that fell upon the porch roof below .<\/p>\n It was snowing heavily and the flakes hit against his face as he looked upwards into the sky. He hadn\u2019t mentioned to anyone, not even Hop Sing, about the flakes of gold he had found on his land that he had taken to the assayers office on one of his trips to \u2018Frisco. No point in saying anything after all, that might be all that there was but it went a long way to paying for everything he\u2019d brought back with him.<\/p>\n \u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026..<\/p>\n The months rolled into years and the ranch house was extended to with bunkhouses, hay barns and stables, more trees had been felled and the way to the ranch house had been cleared for some while with cattle grazing in the meadows and horses in the corrals.<\/p>\n When Ben Cartwright decided to go on a business trip to New Orleans he left his sons in the care of Hop Sing. Relations with the Paiute were good, and the boundaries of their territory had grown as a result. More gold had been found on their land, and when he had shown it to \u2019Truckee\u2019 the Paiute had shaken his head \u201cIt is what makes the white men go mad. It\u2019s bad medicine.\u201d<\/p>\n But for Ben it meant he could pay for his cattle, and finance the business deals he ventured into and although it dismayed him to see how many prospectors were now toiling in the territory for gold he never disclosed to anyone the amount he had himself found.<\/p>\n It was some months before he returned from his journey to New Orleans and when he did so, he was not alone.<\/p>\n Marie Cartwright had put a hand on his arm to stop him from getting down from the vehicle. She wanted to look at this building which was to be her new home, and as she glanced from window to window, from porch to roof she smiled then turned to him, and gripped hold of his hand with her fingers, \u201cSo, Ben, this is your Ponderosa?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYes,\u201d he replied and looked up, following the direction of her eyes \u201cYes, this is home.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHome.\u201d she echoed and nodded as she waited for him to assist her down, home where two little boys were about to get the shock of their lives when their father walked in and introduced them to their new Mama.<\/p>\n Chapter 9<\/p>\n Hoss had almost fallen down the stairs in his hurry to reach the door so that he could welcome his Pa home. Ben had just reached Marie\u2019s side when the little boy appeared with a red face and beaming smile and arms up stretched for his father\u2019s hug after all despite his size he was merely a five year old who had yearned for the return of his Pa.<\/p>\n \u201cHey there, Hoss.\u201d Ben swung him up high and then into his arms where the child\u2019s arms encircled his neck and hugged him tight, \u201cHow\u2019s my boy today? Missed your Pa did you?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI did, Pa, I missed you more\u2019n you\u2019ll ever ever know.\u201d Hoss said, \u201cWhy\u2019d you have to be away fer so long? I waited and waited for you and you never came back, and Hop Sing said you would -\u201d his voice trailed away as he realised he was being watched by the pretty young woman standing close to his father. He blinked and his hold on Ben relaxed enough for Ben to set him back on the ground.<\/p>\n \u201cWell, Hoss, I\u2019d like you to meet Marie. Marie, this is Erik, we call him Hoss.\u201d he gave his son a little gentle tap on the shoulder \u201cSay hello to Marie, Hoss.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHi.\u201d Hoss nodded and raised a hand, blinked and looked curiously at his father. A woman was such a seldom seen being on the Ponderosa, even in the settlement there were just a handful and most of them were worn out women who cared for a weary husband and a gaggle of children. He had never seen such a pretty woman in all his five years and shyly edged closer to Ben.<\/p>\n \u201cHello, Hoss.\u201d Marie replied and leaned down a little to his level, \u201cI\u2019ve heard so much about you. I\u2019m really pleased to meet you at last.\u201d and very gravely she shook his hand although he snatched it back quickly and hid it behind his back for some reason even he couldn\u2019t explain.<\/p>\n A flurry of activity came from the house now as Hop Sing appeared wreathed in smiles and pleasure at seeing his friend and master return, behind him came the thin long legged boy that Adam Cartwright had become, not wreathed in smiles, although he had been until he had seen the woman talking to Hoss.<\/p>\n \u201cMr Catlight you come back home good time like now. Big trouble in settlement, big trouble in Indian camp, big trouble in Hop Sing\u2019s kitchen stove all bust can\u2019t cook no more.\u201d he paused and looked anxiously from Ben\u2019s beaming countenance to the woman smiling at him, \u201cYou cum all way with Mr Catlight? You maybe crazy?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo, Hop Sing, I\u2019m not crazy. It\u2019s good to meet you.\u201d she put out a hand and shook his, leaving him dumb struck, but she was looking over his shoulder at the boy who stood behind him, \u201cYou must be Adam?\u201d<\/p>\n Adam gulped and cleared his throat \u201cYes\u2019m.\u201d he looked at his father and offered up a small smile, the joy of seeing him return overtaken by the niggling feeling that wriggled at the back of his mind, \u201cHi Pa.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHey, c\u2019mon, arn\u2019t you going to give your Pa a hug?\u201d Ben laughed and opened his arms wide in order to embrace the boy who, blushing, allowed himself to be hugged, responding with enough warmth to satisfy Ben. \u201cAdam, Hop Sing – this is Marie.\u201d<\/p>\n They turned to regard her again as though they hadn\u2019t noticed her before already \u2026 Adam waited, convinced there was more to come after all this was no waif and stray Pa had picked up begging on the high road. Hop Sing nodded and smiled, and then looked at Ben who added now \u201cMarie is my wife. Marie Cartwright.\u201d<\/p>\n He wanted to say \u2018Boys, this is your new Mama.\u2019 but suddenly it seemed out of place to do so, as though he were providing a replacement for something that was old and out of date. He took hold of her hand and smiled at her, before looking at them. Hoss now sidled over to Adam who closed ranks by stepping closer to him. Hop Sing nodded, his eyes wise in how things were now to be, he bowed politely his countenance serious \u201cWelcome to Ponderosa, Missy Cartwright. I go now bang on stove make work so can cook good special dinner for you.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben looked at Hoss and Adam his smile broader than ever \u201cWell, boys, let\u2019s go inside.\u201d<\/p>\n He took the lead with Marie and then when they reached the door he swooped her up into his arms and when she said \u201cOh Ben\u201d and laughed, he laughed along with her and then, (this really made Adam blush) kissed her right there on the spot before carrying her over the threshold.<\/p>\n Hoss looked at his brother \u201cWhy\u2019d he do that to that lady?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThat\u2019s what people do when they\u2019re married.\u201d Adam replied having read about it once a long time ago.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat? All the time?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOf course not.\u201d Adam replied scornfully, \u201cJust the once.\u201d he paused and twitched his thin shoulders \u201cLook, you go on in side, I\u2019ve chores to do in the stable.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cCan\u2019t I come too? I don\u2019t wanna go in by myself.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cDon\u2019t be such a baby, Hoss, she can\u2019t eat you, can she?\u201d Adam replied and was about to turn on his heels to get to the stable as soon as possible when he heard his father calling them indoors.<\/p>\n Adam Cartwright was eleven years old now and in many ways a great deal older for his years. Emotionally however he was na\u00efve and young having had little social dealings with anyone other than those men who worked on the ranch, the Paiute, and a few homesteaders struggling to settle in the area and even those he saw rarely.<\/p>\n What he knew about life beyond his narrow horizons were garnered from the memories of his times on the wagon train, in various settlements for brief periods of his life and from books. On one of Ben\u2019s forays into San Francisco he had managed to purchase a job lot of books and it had been Adam\u2019s determination to read through every one of them.<\/p>\n He now nudged Hoss forward and followed close behind the blond headed freckle faced five year old. When they stepped into the house they found Marie standing by the fire looking around at the room, she smiled at them both \u201cThis is a beautiful room, Adam. Your father tells me that you designed the house and helped build it.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHoss helped as well.\u201d Adam said quickly wishing there was somewhere he could hide behind because Marie Cartwright was really pretty and he felt awkward and ill at ease.<\/p>\n \u201cI did the mud.\u201d Hoss volunteered, \u201cWe made a big puddle and then stomped about in it and then we filled up the cracks between the logs with it.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou did a very good job of it, Hoss.\u201d she smiled and Adam had the impression she was going to pat the boy on the head like a puppy, instead she started to remove her coat which Ben took from her and draped over the back of a chair, then she removed her bonnet revealing her golden hair which made Hoss\u2019 eyes go round just like marbles.<\/p>\n \u201cYou\u2019re pretty.\u201d he said in a quiet voice, then he frowned slightly and looked at Ben, back at Marie and sighed. He had seen the pictures Ben had of Inger, his own mother, and knew that she had had hair equally as blond.<\/p>\n \u201cThank you, Hoss.\u201d<\/p>\n A clatter from the dining room heralded Hop Sing\u2019s return with the tray loaded with tea and coffee pots, cups and saucers. He placed this carefully on the table and then with a bow disappeared back into the kitchen where the sounds of banging could be heard as he attempted to get the stove to function.<\/p>\n For a moment there was an awkward silence until Marie smiled graciously and walked to the table and poured out the coffee which she handed to Ben, she poured herself tea and then returned to the fire and sat down in the blue chair. She looked at the two boys who hadn\u2019t moved a muscle \u201cDon\u2019t just stand there, boys, come closer and let me have a good look at you both.\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss frowned and approached slowly, he looked up into her face and smiled, after all, who could resist such a pretty face \u201cAre you going to stay with us now?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYes, I am, you don\u2019t mind, do you?\u201d she smoothed back a curl from his forehead and her eyes twinkled along with her smile.<\/p>\n Adam swallowed a lump in his throat, and drew closer to her and looked at her with as much interest as she showed him, when she smiled at him his returning smile was wavering, he felt shy and awkward. He glanced over at Ben who was slowly unbuttoning his own travelling coat, the cup of coffee cooling on the table beside him, \u201cI\u2019ve some chores to do before supper,\u201d he muttered, \u201cI\u2019d better get them done now.\u201d he turned to Marie \u201cA pleasure to meet you, M\u2019am.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben frowned slightly as his son hurried from the room and the outer door closed. He picked his cup up slowly and sighed, the return home, the welcome he had anticipated, wasn\u2019t working out quite as he had hoped.<\/p>\n Adam worked more slowly than usual at his chores. Normally he liked to get indoors for supper as soon as possible because afterwards he could read one of his books, but he knew that that wasn\u2019t going to happen tonight. He accepted the fact that there was going to be talking, and somehow he didn\u2019t feel prepared for it. He was cautious by nature, he had learned to be so, and as a result he found himself perplexed as to how to handle this sudden change in their circumstances.<\/p>\n He was mucking out the stalls when the stable door opened and Hoss entered, after casting a quick look at him Adam said \u201cWhat do you want?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cPa said for you to hurry up, suppers nearly ready.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI know that -\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThen you gotta hurry up.\u201d<\/p>\n Adam firmed his lips and raised his chin challengingly. For the past few months he had been his own boss, had tackled his chores and never missed on doing them, but he had done them at the speed he had chosen. He looked at Hoss who was staring at him \u201cWhat?\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss shrugged \u201cPa said that the lady is our Ma.\u201d<\/p>\n Adam frowned \u201cWell, she ain\u2019t.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cPa said she is.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cShe\u2019s Mrs Cartwright but she ain\u2019t our Ma.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cPa said she is though.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHow can she be our Ma when -\u201d he stopped, swallowed, it was too cruel to say the words but Hoss understood what he had been about to say for he bowed his head and pushed some straw and dirt about with his booted foot. \u201cDo you like her?\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss shrugged \u201cShe\u2019s pretty.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou do like her, don\u2019t you?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWal, I guess I do. She said she was going to read me a story tonight.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cBut I -\u201d he stopped himself, he had read or told Hoss a story every night since Inger had died, ever since that time on the wagon train when Pa had disappeared into himself. He shook his head \u201cI\u2019ll just finish this and then I\u2019ll be in.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cPa said to make sure you wash up \u2026\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThen you\u2019d better make sure you do too, Shortshanks.\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss laughed, he was already up to Adam\u2019s chest and could hardly be called Shortshanks much longer. But he left the stables happy enough leaving Adam to finish his assigned task.<\/p>\n He washed his face and hands in the water trough before stepping into the house and closing the door behind him. The smells of good food and the sight of it on the table proved that Hop Sing\u2019s clanging and banging had been successful. He followed the rest of them to the table and sat down. Marie smiled at him \u201cYou\u2019ve been busy in the stables?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI – er – yes, m\u2019am.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI could smell the horses on you, Adam. I like horses very much, tomorrow you must show me yours.\u201d<\/p>\n Adam swallowed again, he felt he had been kindly told off for smelling badly and lowered his head. Ben said the prayer and they began to eat. The food was delicious but Hoss was the only one who really enjoyed it.<\/p>\n By the time Hoss was to go to bed he was already in love with Marie. He found himself too shy to call her \u2018Ma\u2019 so didn\u2019t call her anything at all, but when it came for him to go upstairs he lingered awhile in saying goodnight to his Pa and then turned to her \u201cAre you really going to come and read me a story?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI said I would, didn\u2019t I?\u201d she took hold of his hand.<\/p>\n \u201c\u2019Cept that Addy always tells me a story \u2026\u201d<\/p>\n Ben spoke up now and said that not this time, he wanted to have a chat with Adam so it would be better for Marie to spend the time with him. Hoss glanced over at Adam and nodded \u201cAlright, Addy?\u201d<\/p>\n Adam watched his little brother mount the stairs with the tall slim woman right behind him then he turned to look at his Pa. Ben was standing by the fire staring down into the flames he turned now and looked at his son with an anxious expression on his face \u201cWell, son, I guess I caught you unawares, didn\u2019t I?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHow\u2019d you mean, Pa?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNot letting you know that I was getting married and bringing Marie home to be – to be a mother to you boys.\u201d<\/p>\n Before Adam could say anything Ben came and sat down by his side, \u201cIt may seem unfair of me to have done that, but time and distance meant there was no time for such niceties, Adam, and you have to be grown up enough to understand that\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cSure, Pa. I understand -\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI love Marie, Adam. She\u2019s a lovely woman and she\u2019s given up a lot to come here with me, her life is going to change dramatically now, and I want you to help her settle in and feel happy to be here. I want you to make her life easier, I want you to love her as I do.\u201d<\/p>\n Adam looked at his father, deep into the man\u2019s black eyes, striving to understand all that Ben required from him. He was just 11 years old and expected to understand and accept something that Ben seemed to think was so easy. Perhaps it was, perhaps he should be able to accept Marie because Ben loved her and that, really, was that \u2026 he frowned as he accepted that along with everything else, life was changed. Forever.<\/p>\n Chapter 10<\/p>\n In itself the house had not really changed much with the years. Outside there was a large planter with two rose shrubs in it that bloomed each year, on the left side the roses were red, and on the left they were white. That was just one change Marie had made to the outside of the building.<\/p>\n There was glass in all the windows now and curtains draped elegantly at them, while here and there were other feminine touches that she had brought along with her. Ornaments and dainty things, much admired by Hop Sing who handled them very carefully as he dusted them, and even some elegant furniture which was mostly to be seen in the bedrooms.<\/p>\n Adam sat alone in his own room, his back bowed, his head low while his hands dangled between his legs. He stared at the floor boards without seeing them as he thought over the events of the past few years that had brought them to this particular time.<\/p>\n Marie had changed things a lot, not just by bringing along her bits and pieces to add to the house and softening the more masculine feel of the place. She laughed and sang, and teased and cajoled, and in general got all her own way with them. She didn\u2019t complain about being so alone for there were few women in the area, even in Washoe diggings that was struggling to exist and the homesteaders that arrived, there were few whom she befriended.<\/p>\n Most women were hardened by their existence in that harsh country. The journey to their homes had been hard, some with major losses, some with great personal sacrifice. They were all destined to a life of hard work relieved by the rare occasion of festival and jollity. Marie Cartwright was rather like a delicate beautiful rose among far sturdier plants and in some ways her prettiness and New Orleans ways intimidated the homelier women she met.<\/p>\n She was only ever in her own element when Ben took her to San Francisco every year, and then they would go to the theatre and she could shop and for a short while enjoy a different life that closely resembled the one she once had known.<\/p>\n But they had all worked to make her happy, she\u2019d been pampered by Ben and Hop Sing, adored by Hoss who had started calling her Mama within the first week and respected and admired by Adam, despite his initial misgivings. That was how it had been until she had Joseph Francis Cartwright.<\/p>\n Now in his room Adam fell back upon the bed and folded his arms behind his head to stare up at the ceiling. That had been some day, he recalled, everyone pacing the floor, waiting for that wretched doctor to come. Paul Martin M.D. had arrived in a slight panic, he had been new to the territory and had lost his way and had arrived to a panic stricken household with the woman about to deliver a premature baby with her Chinese cook pouring Oriental herbal drinks down her throat to assist her.<\/p>\n But Joe had arrived safely bawling his eyes out, screaming his protests against the world into which he had been so abruptly hurled. That was the day Adam first called Marie \u2018Ma.\u2019 He remembered it now \u2026 he had walked into the bedroom where Marie lay with the baby mewling in her arms and she had looked up and smiled at him, Adam, and just said \u201cCome and look at your little brother, Adam?\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss had already bounced upon the bed and was peering down into the face of this noisy infant while Ben had stood at the head of the bed as though he had never fathered a child before in his life. Briefly Adam had faltered and wondered if his father had ever looked as proudly upon him, or Hoss, as he looked then upon Marie and baby Joe.<\/p>\n He had approached the bed and looked at the baby, he had never seen one so small for his memory of Hoss had been that – well, as he had said it himself \u2018He\u2019s a big un.\u2019<\/p>\n \u201cHe\u2019s real small, isn\u2019t it?\u201d he leaned over to look at him and then glanced at Marie who was still looking at him, \u201cWhat\u2019s his name?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cJoseph Francis.\u201d Marie had said and her finger had caressed the downy cheek of the baby so gently \u201cBut he\u2019s so small, who would have thought such a tiny little baby could have caused so much pain.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOh,\u201d he had winced a little, \u201cI guess it did \u2026\u201d he recalled the yelling and other sounds, he hadn\u2019t realised Marie knew so much French! He had reached out his finger and touched the baby\u2019s hand, \u201cLittle Joe \u2026 guess you\u2019ll get to grow some soon.\u201d<\/p>\n The baby became silent and his eyes rolled around, he yawned and smacked his lips before beginning to yell again. Hoss put his hands to his ears \u201cHe sure is noisy.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHe\u2019s hungry.\u201d Ben said with a laugh and put a gentle hand on Hoss\u2019 head, \u201cNow, off you go so Ma can feed him.\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss had jumped off the bed and grabbed hold of Adam\u2019s hand, at the doorway Adam turned and smiled \u201cHe\u2019s going to be a tough one, Ma, you won\u2019t have to worry, Hoss and me, we\u2019ll take care of him.\u201d<\/p>\n The look on Ben\u2019s face was reward enough, he had positively beamed at Adam as though all lit up from inside.<\/p>\n Not like now \u2026Adam cast his arm over his face as though to shield them from the light of the sun shining from the window. It was a lovely day outside, a day of sunshine and blue skies, where the smells of ponderosa pine permeated the air and Marie\u2019s roses bloomed yet again.<\/p>\n It had been just such a day 36 hours ago when she had insisted on going riding. \u201cI can\u2019t stay indoors on a day like this, Ben.\u201d<\/p>\n Adam could hear her voice now, teasing and cajoling, her arms wrapped around Ben\u2019s neck and a kiss dropped upon the top of his head for Ben had been sitting at the desk writing a letter and she had sneaked up on him behind his back.<\/p>\n \u201cWell, it is a good day out there, I wish I could come with you.\u201d Ben had smiled up at her and turned the chair around, \u201cYou won\u2019t be gone too long?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNot at all. I want to see the Lake, there\u2019s a view there so beautiful on days like this, and the weather will break soon, I know it will\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cEnough of your teasing, woman, be off with you.\u201d he had stood up then and wrapped his arms around her, then kissed her cheek.<\/p>\n Little Joe had run up holding his hand up for her inspection \u201cCut finger, Mama. Kiss better.\u201d<\/p>\n She swung him up and kissed the upset finger \u201cBetter now?\u201d and he had nodded \u201cAll better, Mama.\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss had been eating something, scowling at his little brother for getting in the way over something \u201cYou taking Joe, Ma?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo, I want to go alone.\u201d Marie had said as she picked up her little riding hat \u201cJoe, you be good for Pa and your brothers.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI am good.\u201d Little Joe had insisted as he pulled several books out of the bookshelf in an attempt to find the one he wanted.<\/p>\n Hoss was ten now, a tall well built lad with blond hair like his own mothers and blue eyes that caught people by surprise when they first looked at him, such beautiful blue eyes. Marie had kissed his cheek \u201cBe patient with your baby brother, dear.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI am – all the time.\u201d Hoss had protested while Little Joe crowed in delight at finding what he had sought and leaving the mess for someone else to clear up.<\/p>\n Adam had strolled into the room and smiled over at her \u201cGoing riding?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYes, your father has given me permission for several hours of indulgence.\u201d she pulled on her gloves now over dainty hands and smiled at him \u201cCome and give your Mama a kiss goodbye.\u201d<\/p>\n He had smiled, dimples formed in his cheeks and the brown eyes had twinkled. His respect for her had grown to a deep affection, no, now he could call it love, now he knew it was, had been, love.<\/p>\n And then she was gone.<\/p>\n Adam shuddered and wiped his eyes from the tears that he was shedding. He could hear nothing but silence in the house but he knew that in the rooms where his father and brothers were, they would be weeping their own tears.<\/p>\n In his room Ben held onto Joe, held him so tightly that the little boy didn\u2019t dare to move in case he was suffocated. The child\u2019s misery was compounded with confusion, he couldn\u2019t understand that his mother had been in that box which had been lowered into the ground. Oh sure, Pa had explained it all, in a broken voice that had wobbled and broken at times, and he had seen his Pa crying, and he had seen Hoss and Adam weeping so he knew, deep down, that Ma was not going to come home again.<\/p>\n He hadn\u2019t seen her fall from the horse, just heard the screams, not hers, the screams of the horse which had made them all run from the house. Adam had reached the porch first, turned on his heels and grabbed at Joe and hurried back into the big room with Joe in his arms, while Ben had gone out to attend to his wife. They had heard his cries, his protests, despair and then anger and then heartbreak all bound in in his deep voice that seemed to reverberate throughout the house.<\/p>\n Joe had held on so tight to his brother, so tight. He had pushed his face into Adam\u2019s chest as though if he burrowed in there close enough he could disappear altogether. Adam had been shaking, his whole body had been shivering and trembling and Joe could hear his brothers heart thudding against his ear, really thudding so loudly, so fast.<\/p>\n \u201cIs Ma hurt, Addy?\u201d he had raised his face to look up at his brother and Adam had tears running down his face and had been unable to answer, and in the corner of the room Hoss had been clinging to Hop Sing.<\/p>\n \u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026<\/p>\n In the kitchen Hop Sing prepared the meal, people had to eat even if hearts were broken. It didn\u2019t really matter too much if they didn\u2019t eat it all, just that it would be there. He pushed pans about, wiped his eyes, and shook his head. It was as though a light had been blown out, there was no laughter now, no singing. He stopped in his work and raised his head as though to listen but there was just the silence bound up in heartbreak.<\/p>\n He pulled out a chair and sat down, bowed his head and sighed deeply. Perhaps the food could wait.<\/p>\n Hoss knocked lightly on his brother\u2019s door and pushed it open. Adam was outstretched on the bed and for a moment Hoss wondered if his brother was sleeping but no, Adam sat up and looked at him. \u201cI – I didn\u2019t want to be by myself no more, Addy.\u201d<\/p>\n Adam nodded, reached out his arm and beckoned to his brother to approach, Hoss sat on the side of the bed and stared at the far off wall. \u201cWas it like this when my Ma died, Addy?\u201d<\/p>\n Adam thought back to that time and nodded, he didn\u2019t trust himself to speak, his throat was too tight. His mouth worked but no words came out, he put his arm around Hoss\u2019 shoulders. They sat side by side for some time before he could find his voice again, he cleared his throat \u201cWe\u2019ll have to look after Joe, Hoss. We promised Ma, remember?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cDid we?\u201d Hoss frowned<\/p>\n \u201cSure, when he was born.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cSure, I remember now.\u201d he sighed deeply, \u201cShe was pretty, wasn\u2019t she?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cShe sure was.\u201d Adam nodded, and stared far off as though seeing her all over again. \u201cWe\u2019ll have to look after Pa, as well. He – he may be a bit different for a while, Hoss. You mustn\u2019t mind him, if he is – but – we just gotta look after him, alright?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cSure.\u201d Hoss nodded, \u201cI\u2019m sure gonna miss her, Adam.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI know, Hoss. So am I.\u201d<\/p>\n He knew he was going to miss her. He had grown to love her despite himself, she had been that kind of person, one couldn\u2019t help oneself but love her, and he had\u2026 he really had.<\/p>\n Chapter 11<\/p>\n When the letter came from Boston it was stained and shabby looking having been some time travelling the distance from the writer to the recipient. Ben weighed it in his hand and looked at the writing thoughtfully for a moment or so before thanking Hop Sing and walking back into the house.<\/p>\n From the post mark the letter had been posted some months ago and had it not been for Hop Sing having to go to San Francisco to visit his relatives – some grand occasion that begged his attendance – then it would have languished in the Mail Depot there until some clerk found someone who would deliver mail to the Washoe Diggings. Hop Sing walked in, asked if there was mail for Ben Cartwright and ended up playing mailman for every human soul alive and dead who had ever wandered through the straggling settlement.<\/p>\n So here he was balancing the letter in his hand and wondering what it was that Abel Stoddard wanted. He was allowing his mind to wander back to the past when he was shipwrecked off the coast of Tierra Del Fuego in the Magellan Straits and had been rescued by Abel\u2019s ship coming to pick up survivors. That was how their relationship had began all those years ago.<\/p>\n \u201cHey, Pa?\u201d Adam tapped his father on the shoulder \u201cI know we don\u2019t often get mail but you could tell us who the letters from?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWho\u2019s it from, Pa?\u201d squeaked Little Joe from somewhere behind his big brother and then he peeked from around Adam\u2019s legs and gave his Pa a wide smile, showing gaps where his front teeth were missing.<\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019s from your Grandfather Stoddard.\u201d Ben replied and noticed immediately the way his son\u2019s eyes widened and dilated, a flush to his cheeks. \u201cFirst time we\u2019ve had mail from him since before Joe was born.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cSure is -\u201d Adam replied edging closer and peering over Ben\u2019s shoulder to look down at the envelope, \u201cAren\u2019t you going to open it?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAin\u2019t\u2019cha gonna open it, Pa?\u201d came the echo now clutching hold of Bens trouser legs and smiling beguilingly up at him so that Ben had to smile and give the boy a wink of he eye.<\/p>\n Hoss sauntered up to join them on the porch \u201cWhat\u2019s happening?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cPa\u2019s got a letter -\u201d Adam smiled, eyes twinkling.<\/p>\n \u201cUh-Huh? Who from?\u201d Hoss wiped sweat from his brow, he\u2019d been grooming his horse and it was an especially hot day. He returned to the trough and worked the pump so that he could duck his head under the water that sluiced its way out.<\/p>\n \u201cFrom Adam\u2019s grandad.\u201d Joe piped up and then looked again at Ben \u201cHave I a grandad, Pa?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo.\u201d Ben said quietly and walked into the house with the three of them following behind him so close that they were nearly tripping over his heels.<\/p>\n \u201cOpen it, Pa.\u201d Adam urged with his dimpled smile as wide as could be in anticipation.<\/p>\n \u201cI will -\u201d Ben said and raised his hands as though to push them aside \u201cNow, let me read it first, it may be bad news.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe frowned and shrugged, raising his shoulders right up to his ears, then he ran out to the yard to continue with his playing, he got bored easily and waiting for Ben to read an old letter from some old man he never knew was not his idea of fun.<\/p>\n Hoss wandered off to the kitchen to talk to Hop Sing and find out how he had got on seeing all his folks and what was San Francisco like now \u2026 while Adam stayed where he was, just waiting. Ben sighed, frowned and raised dark eyes to look at his son \u201cYou\u2019d better sit down, Abel usually writes quite long letters.\u201d<\/p>\n Adam did as he was told, sitting in the blue chair and leaning slightly forward with his hands clasped in his lap. He was a tall gangly youth now, at that age where elbows and knees seem their most sharp and awkward. His hair was overlong, curled rebelliously, and his skin was tanned with an almost copper tint to it. Ben had told him that he was beginning to look too much like the Paiute friends he ran around with but that was just dismissed with a laugh.<\/p>\n He sighed several times during the time it took for Ben to read the letter through, during that time Hoss had returned with a beef sandwich and was chomping his way through it, dropping crumbs over the rug. Every so often Adam would dart a cold glare at his brother for his chomping disturbed his thinking and concentration, although why he wasn\u2019t sure except that he felt certain that a letter from Abel would surely involve him somehow.<\/p>\n Finally Ben folded the letter back into the envelope and looked at Adam thoughtfully, then glanced over at Hoss. \u201cWas it anything important, Pa?\u201d Hoss asked.<\/p>\n \u201cEr – I\u2019d like to talk to Adam in private, son. Could you go and make sure that Joe isn\u2019t in any kind of trouble out there?\u201d<\/p>\n With a slight frown Hoss looked first at Adam and then at Ben before stuffing the last of the sandwich in his mouth and getting up to leave the room. The door closed behind him and sealed in the heat, beyond the room could be heard the rattle of pots and pans as Hop Sing returned to the business of rescuing his family from the starvation diet they had obviously been on during his absence.<\/p>\n \u201cAdam -\u201d he paused and licked his lips, then stood up and approached his son who looked anxiously up at him<\/p>\n \u201cIs he alright? He\u2019s not ill, is he?\u201d<\/p>\n Ben smiled slowly and shook his head, such concern for a man his son had never met, only irregular letters to create any kind of bond \u2026 he sighed and sat down on the edge of the low table they had in front of the fire.<\/p>\n \u201cNo, he\u2019s well. He wants to see you, son.\u201d<\/p>\n Adam flushed, the colour darkened his already tanned skin, \u201cWhy?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou\u2019re his only living relative, Elizabeth\u2019s son. He – well – he has a proposition he wants me to put to you.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYes?\u201d Adam leaned forward, dark brows furrowed and his lips thinned.<\/p>\n \u201cHe wants to finance your college education.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cCollege?\u201d Adam looked startled and then shook his head and repeated the word \u201cCollege?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHe wants you to have the best chance of a future he can provide you. He feels he owes it to you.\u201d Ben tapped the envelope upon his knee, \u201cIt was something your mother and I often discussed before you were born, about your having a college education.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cBut I thought that after what happened to Marie – Ma – that I couldn\u2019t go to college. I mean, I know we talked about it once or twice but I never thought it was a possibility.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhy not?\u201d Ben smiled gently and put a hand on his sons shoulder, \u201cwhy didn\u2019t you think you could go? Marie and I talked about it quite often, we even started up a college fund for you.\u201d<\/p>\n Adam shook his head, took a deep breath and stared at the floor while Ben sat and waited, thinking and wondering what was going through his son\u2019s mind right now, what kind of inner conflict of desire versus duty wrestled within him.<\/p>\n \u201cWouldn\u2019t you like to have the chance to go to college, son?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cPa? I\u2019ve not even been to a proper school \u2026 how could I qualify?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThere are ways. The first thing is for you to get to your grandfather in Boston. He seems to have everything organised already, it just needs my authorisation and permission, and your willingness and presence.\u201d he smiled and again his hand rested upon Adam\u2019s shoulder \u201cWhat do you say, son?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI don\u2019t know what to say, Pa. It\u2019ll mean leaving here, leaving home.\u201d he frowned, \u201cHow would you manage? I mean, what about the boys?\u201d<\/p>\n Ben smiled, rather a forced smile to be sure but it was more a smile than a grimace, \u201cYou won\u2019t be gone forever, son.\u201d<\/p>\n Adam sighed and shook his head, he looked at Ben and frowned \u201cI don\u2019t know, Pa. I don\u2019t know what to think, or what to say.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWell, think on it and then let me know how you feel in a few days time.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cDo I have to go soon – if I agree to that is -\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cA few weeks \u2026\u201d Ben said quietly, \u201cHe\u2019s paid for your passage from San Francisco to Boston already.\u201d<\/p>\n Adam frowned, shook his head again \u201cBut how could he know if I\u2019d accept or not?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI think he\u2019s assumed that being Elizabeth\u2019s son that you would \u2026 at the same time, even if you don\u2019t go to college, you would still like to see your Grandfather, wouldn\u2019t you?\u201d<\/p>\n Adam wasn\u2019t too sure about that but to travel to Boston, to go by ship and experience sea travel, what an adventure!<\/p>\n \u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026.<\/p>\n It seemed to Little Joe Cartwright that his world was coming to an end. The fact that Hoss was morose and moping about didn\u2019t help him either. He had snuggled into Adam\u2019s bed the night before he had left and clung hold of him, really clung to him, and told him, begged him, not to go. There was so much to do here on the Ponderosa, and he was needing him to help him with his lessons and so much more\u2026please, please stay.<\/p>\n Now here they were in San Francisco watching the changeling boy into man walk up the gangplank of the clipper ship that was going to take him so far away to that old man whom Joe really, really, hated with a passion. He looked up at his father \u201cDon\u2019t let him go, Pa. Go and get him back.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo, now then, Joe, that\u2019s enough.\u201d Ben said quietly and his voice had a huskiness to it that made Joe quieten down some although he looked at Hoss appealingly but just then Hoss had to blow his nose, said there was something in his eye.<\/p>\n Joe felt so alone as he stared at the dark figure about to be swallowed up by a crowd of other passengers. How could Adam do it? How could his dearly beloved brother leave them behind just to go and see that old man and go to college.<\/p>\n He clung tightly to Ben\u2019s hand, really tight just to make sure to himself that his father wasn\u2019t going to fly away or disappear and leave him and Hoss alone on that busy wharf. He watched as boxes and crates were lifted up by huge nets and swung overboard to lower into the ship. He strained his eyes for some sight of his brother but there were too many people and then Hoss said \u201cThere he is \u2026\u201d<\/p>\n A tall thin figure waving his hand and too far away from them to tell if he was smiling or crying. Joe hoped that Adam was crying. \u2018Serve him right\u2019 the little boy sniffled, \u2018Serve him right for going away and leaving me.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026.<\/p>\n Adam Cartwright looked down at the small group and raised his hand in farewell. He thought over the evenings when he had sat and talked, and talked to his father about whether or not to go, what was the advantage or the point of getting a college education when he would be living so far in the wilds?<\/p>\n \u201cDidn\u2019t you want to be an architect at one time, son?\u201d<\/p>\n Adam had smiled and nodded and Ben had asked him if he had not still that desire? \u201cThere will be more people moving here, they\u2019ll need a good architect to build a town, son.\u201d<\/p>\n Now he watched as the small group stepped closer as though they needed to see him more clearly. Hands waved and he felt his heart quiver and his stomach shake as he recalled how Joe had clung to him, he heard the thin little voice begging him not to go \u201cdon\u2019t go and leave me.\u201d<\/p>\n Then Hoss trying to be big and brave, but blustering and bawling in the barn so that they had held onto one another very tightly. \u201cYou said you\u2019d look after me.\u201d Hoss had protested and then pushed Adam away and ran.<\/p>\n It had been a hard blow, those words broke Adam\u2019s heart and he had stood in the yard and looked at the house, looked at the way Marie\u2019s roses were blooming, the breeze making the curtains of the rooms upstairs billow out, the way the trees hung close and seemed to hug around the yard.<\/p>\n They had built this, together, with Hop Sing and those hired men, but it had been his design. How could he leave it? He had turned as Ben walked towards him, a smile on his face that wasn\u2019t echoed in his eyes and without a word he had turned away. He Didn\u2019t want to go to college, he wanted to stay home \u2026 here, on the Ponderosa.<\/p>\n So now here he was waving them all goodbye and his eyes were welling up with tears. At the same time his nerves were tingling with excitement, he was on board a ship that was going to take him all the way to Boston around the Cape Horn, nearly 90 days of travel.<\/p>\n He leaned further over the side of the ship and waved more vigorously, he couldn\u2019t cry now, there was too much to learn, far too much, and he wasn\u2019t a child anymore.<\/p>\n Chapter 12<\/p>\n The snow had fallen stealthily overnight carpeting the streets and rooftops with its virginal whiteness. When Adam woke up from his dream of home he had to stay a while in bed to remember exactly where he was and then rub his eyes, look around and confirm it. The window was blanked out with snow where the wind had blown it making the room darker as a result.<\/p>\n He closed his eyes again and wondered if he would be able to recapture the dream, it had been so pleasant being back home, listening to Pa and – he yawned, no good, time to get up, the cold was creeping into his bones and the best thing to dispel that was action.<\/p>\n The sight of his grandson coming into the room for his breakfast warmed Abel Stoddard\u2019s heart. He didn\u2019t like to make a fuss about it, he had never really gone in for emotional displays before and he wasn\u2019t going to do so now, but the sight of the youth really gave him such pleasure.<\/p>\n \u201cBreakfast is done, young man. Better sit down and eat it while it\u2019s hot.\u201d<\/p>\n Adam smiled at his grandfather and then nodded his thanks over to the woman who did Abel\u2019s cooking; he pulled out a chair and sat down opposite the old man and poured out coffee.<\/p>\n \u201cYou drink too much of that stuff, it\u2019ll stunt your growth.\u201d Abel cautioned with a glare from his pale eyes, almost hidden now behind thick glasses.<\/p>\n \u201cI doubt it now, Grandfather.\u201d Adam chuckled and began to eat his meal with relish, \u201cWhat do you want to do today, Grandfather? Go for a walk anywhere?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cIn this weather?\u201d his companion grunted, \u201cIt\u2019s howling a blizzard out there and my arthritis is bad. Haven\u2019t you work to do?\u201d<\/p>\n Adam nodded, swallowed a mouthful of food and then drank some coffee \u201cI brought some home with me, and something to read -.\u201d he paused \u201cHave you heard of Ralph Waldo Emerson, Grandfather?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo, who is he? One of those students you racket around with?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI don\u2019t racket around, Grandfather, I\u2019m too busy,\u201d Adam laughed and sliced into more ham and eggs \u201cTry again?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cA new lecturer?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI wish he were although a lot of his ideas are very forward and not acceptable to some. I thought you would have known him, Grandfather, after all, he is a Bostonian.\u201d<\/p>\n Abel shrugged, he wasn\u2019t particularly interested in other Bostonians unless they had sailed on the clipper ships and shared his life, outside his narrow boundaries he knew relatively little. Adam continued with his meal, his thoughts on the books he had brought along with him, books of Poetry, Shakespeare\u2019s Merchant of Venice and Henry IV Pt 1, and some of Emersons works that had been recommended to him by the Principal of the school who remembered Emerson when he had been a student at the Boston Latin School and Emerson was in his last year before going up to Harvard. Emerson was becoming the newest star in literature\u2019s vast firmament.<\/p>\n Later Adam pulled on his outer clothes and boots and trudged out into the snow. He stood for a moment at the doorstep to look around him as though to immerse himself into these surroundings. Later he would write it all down in a letter to his father and brothers, his first impressions of looking at a snow laden harbour in New England from the doorstep of the house where he had been born.<\/p>\n He made his way through the town with the snow squeaking beneath his feet at each step. How much had changed in the past eighteen months he mused as he walked along, head bowed as a new onslaught of snow blew against him. School life – well, that had been rather a nightmare at first, but he had gradually crawled from under the negatives and was now enjoying it. He often thought of how much he owed Marie for her insistence upon teaching them the social graces. He very much doubted if his rough wilderness manners would have been appreciated in the lofty corridors of learning at the Boston Latin School where his grandfather had placed him.<\/p>\n His thoughts trickled back to that first meeting with Abel, the way the mans eyes had brimmed over with tears at the sight of his daughters son. Once they had arrived in the town Abel\u2019s first thought was to take Adam to Elizabeth\u2019s graveside, where he had told the youth about the day she had left them \u2026 as though forgetting that he brought fresh guilt into the heart of the lad standing by his side. But then he started to explain how he had promised on this cherished precious headstone that he would get his grandson a good education, pay for it himself, a tribute to them both, mother and son, that, he said, was why Adam was here now, because of that vow.<\/p>\n Sometimes when he came to stay with his Grandfather, Adam would go to the graveyard and sit on the bench that was opposite the grave of his mother. He would sit and contemplate the way things had been with his Pa, the journey from New England to the Ponderosa. Somehow it seemed fitting to do that, as though he were sharing his thoughts with her, this woman he had never known, who had given him life.<\/p>\n \u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026<\/p>\n \u201cHoss, is Adam ever gonna come home?\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss frowned and scowled slightly at his little brother, he shrugged \u201cGuess he will.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhen?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI dunno. When he feels like it I guess.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cTomorrow?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOf course not tomorrow. Nor the day after that for all I know.\u201d Hoss put a little more elbow grease into cleaning his horse\u2019s tackle, he polished the bridle until it shone, and put it on the hook with some pride. \u201cAdam will come home when he\u2019s done his exams.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhat\u2019s them?\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss sighed and looked over at Joe who was sitting on a bale of straw eating his fingernails. Joe smiled his most beguiling smiles, and Hoss nodded \u201cExams are answering lots of questions about what you\u2019ve been learning all the time you\u2019ve been in school. That\u2019s what Pa said anyhow.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe\u2019s brow puckered up into a frown \u201cAdam sure must be learning a lot, he\u2019s been gone a mighty l-o-n-g time.\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss nodded \u201cI know. I wish he were still here.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI miss him.\u201d Joe said and hugged his arms around his chest and rocked too and fro, \u201cI bet he doesn\u2019t even know I\u2019ve lost more teeth.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYeah, but you got some new ones, didn\u2019t ya?\u201d Hoss grinned over at him and began to polish his saddle, easy long strokes of the duster.<\/p>\n \u201cDo you miss him, Hoss?\u201d Joe was standing beside him now, so close that Hoss\u2019 elbow kept tapping him on the head so that he had to push the boy further away, \u201cSure I do\u201d<\/p>\n He did, he meant it, he missed his brother every bit as much as he knew he would which had been why he hadn\u2019t wanted him to go. Pa kept the routine in the ranch the same and somehow work got done, but there was something lacking, and it wasn\u2019t just another person missing from the table.<\/p>\n Joe wandered over to the door and stared out to where the sun dappled the hills far away, and the shadows were long in the yard. The house was bathed in the light, the windows sparkled and shone, the roses at the door now sprawled their way over the porch roof. He sighed \u201cI miss Ma. I miss Adam.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cSo do I, Short shanks.\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss paused, Adam used to call him that, seemed such a long time ago. He shook his head as though to shake the memory away so as not to hear that beloved voice, \u201cOne of these days Adam will come home, you just wait and see.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cMa won\u2019t though, will she?\u201d Joe asked, looking back over his shoulder at Hoss who paused in his polishing to stare back at him, and then shake his head. \u201cNo, I didn\u2019t think she would\u2026.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe trailed out of the stables and slowly made his way to the house, he had reached the door when he heard the sound of a horse and turned to see his father riding into the yard.<\/p>\n Bens eyes lit up at the sight of the little boy standing on the porch with a hand raised in greeting and a wide smile on his face. He dismounted and tethered the horse to the rail and when Joe ran to him he stooped down to catch him in the crook of his arm and swing him up high. \u201cHow\u2019s Joe today?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI had two doughnuts and I wasn\u2019t sick.\u201d came the quick response.<\/p>\n \u201cTWO doughnuts, Hop Sing\u2019s spoiling you, I\u2019ll have to tell him to let you have only half a one in the future.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOh no, Pa, don\u2019t do that, Hop Sing needs me to eat them otherwise he just gives ;em to the chickens and Hoss.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben laughed and set the boy down, Hoss came strolling out of the stables with a vague smile on his face, tall and broad for his age he could already be mistaken for a youth much older. It worried Ben at times as he wondered how his son would handle life in the future when the settlement really grew, he knew people with Hoss\u2019 trusting nature were only too easily exploited by the devious and greedy.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019ve a letter from Adam in my saddle bags.\u201d he said slapping dust from his pants with the back of his hat, \u201cShall we go in and read it while we have some lemonade?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cIs it a long letter, Pa?\u201d Hoss wanted to know with his face alight with pleasure as Ben produced the envelope.<\/p>\n \u201cI don\u2019t know,\u201d Ben replied leading the way inside, \u201cSomehow I\u2019ve managed to keep myself from opening the envelope and finding out.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe ran on in ahead \u201cHop Sing. Hop Sing. Pa said get some lemonade and doughnuts.\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss followed \u201cPa\u2019s got a letter from Adam, Hop Sing.\u201d<\/p>\n It didn\u2019t take too long to settle around Ben\u2019s big leather chair, Hoss leaning forwards from the corner of the settee and Joe on his father\u2019s knee. Breaths were held as Ben ripped open the envelope and drew out the letter. He looked at their faces, first Hoss and then down at Joe\u2019s, he raised his eyebrows teasingly \u201cShall I read it now?\u201d<\/p>\n Joe nodded so vigorously his head nearly fell off and Hoss grinned shyly and picked up his lemonade with his big blue eyes fixed on his father\u2019s face so Ben drew in a deep breath and began to read:<\/p>\n \u201cDear Pa, Hoss and Joe<\/p>\n It\u2019s been a long winter here in Boston with snow falls regularly from late December through to February. I stayed over with Grandfather for some time during the holiday and write to tell you that despite being frail and nearly blind he is in good health.<\/p>\n My studies are coming along well, I enjoy them. My room mate here at the college is not a keen student so I am often left to my own devices, which means I have the room to myself for study. Mr. Collins says I have the makings of a first rate engineer if I keep working at it, so I don\u2019t intend to slack off now.<\/p>\n Boston is a lovely old town, but I like being with Grandfather near the harbour and the ships. He often tells me about your adventures with him, Pa, and the things that happened and the places you went to see. Sometimes he talks so vividly about these things that it is as though he really lives them all over again.<\/p>\n I have a year left at college now and yet Mr. Phillips is already asking me what I intend to do in the future. When I told him I intended to build a new town back home he kind of smiled, I thought he was going to pat me on the head and say \u2018There, there -\u2019 but if I do become a qualified architect and engineer where else could I want to go?<\/p>\n Are you all well? Did you buy the mare you wrote about, and have there been any more problems with the Paiute? I daresay Joe and Hoss have grown some since I left home. Hoss wasn\u2019t too ill with that fever was he? I think of you all often, wish I could have some of Hop Sings home bakes here, the food is pretty dismal. I can\u2019t write anymore as the bell has rung for the next study period\u2026<\/p>\n Your son\/brother Ben sighed and folded the letter back into the envelope. Another year away from home, it seemed as though it was going to stretch on forever. Joe jumped up and into his father\u2019s lap to put his arms around his neck and hug him \u201cI\u2019m going to write to Adam and tell him come home right now. I don\u2019t want him away anymore.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWell you can write if you want to, son \u2026\u201d Ben smiled, and then looked over at Hoss who was, as usual when they received news from Adam, quiet and thoughtful. \u201cAlright, son, what\u2019s on your mind?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNothing, Pa.\u201d Hoss sighed and reached for his glass, then watched as Joe ran off to the desk to rummage for paper and pencil. \u201cI think I\u2019ll go to bed now, Pa. Can I write to Adam in the morning?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAs soon as chores are done.\u201d Ben nodded and watched as his son trudged up the stairs to his room, he heard the closing of the door and knew that now he was alone Hoss would give way to his own private grief, a year to Hoss would be interminably long.<\/p>\n Chapter 13<\/p>\n In the time that he had attended college Adam Cartwright had formed a close knit group of friends who were of similar age to himself. Although enjoying their studies they didn\u2019t neglect the opportunity of having some form of social life which was far less excessive than some of the other students who were at the college. One particular tavern they enjoyed socialising in was not far from the college grounds, it was popular with the majority of the young men as lack of time spent travelling meant more time to enjoy themselves.<\/p>\n During one evening when the five youths had taken themselves off to the tavern for a quiet drink and conversation an altercation arose when several youths entered the premises with a great deal of swagger, throwing the door wide so that it slammed against the wall with a thud. All those sitting at Adam\u2019s table, including himself, looked over at the newcomers and audibly sighed. Carson shook his head and turned away \u201cIt would be him and his toadies.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cLooks like they\u2019ve already been drinking elsewhere.\u201d Hansford mumbled and pulled his glass closer with one hand while another hand reached out to protect his books.<\/p>\n \u201cI hope he doesn\u2019t see me here,\u201d Carson whispered now, lowering his head further, \u201cI borrowed some money from him the other day and -\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThat was a stupid thing to do,\u201d Adam hissed through clenched teeth, \u201cYou know you should never ask them to bail you out. Why didn\u2019t you ask me?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI was going to but I heard you tell Edwin that you weren\u2019t in funds and I needed it desperately.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cShush, he\u2019s coming over.\u201d Booth said and pulled his books into his lap.<\/p>\n The youth who approached the table was tall and broad shouldered with a loose mouth and lazy heavy lidded eyes. In many ways his face told everybody his character, he was a bully and his two friends backed him up to the hilt. The three of them now stood immediately behind Carson who had gone pale. \u201cCarson you little maggot, you owe me some money.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI know. I\u2019m sorry I haven\u2019t got it on me right now. I\u2019ll pay you as soon as I have some.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo excuses, Carson.\u201d Beau Carlyle sneered with his hand on the other youths shoulder, \u201cI need that money now.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHe can\u2019t pay it if he hasn\u2019t got it, Carlyle.\u201d Booth said with unexpected courage.<\/p>\n Carlyle turned to look at him, \u201cNo? Well if he hasn\u2019t got it then perhaps you have? Come on, Edwin, put your money where your mouth is and pay up.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI don\u2019t see why I should, it\u2019s not my debt.\u201d Booth replied hugging his books against his chest.<\/p>\n \u201cThen why don\u2019t you just sit quiet and keep your mouth shut.\u201d one of Carlyle\u2019s friends hissed, bringing his face so close that they were practically nose to nose.<\/p>\n Adam placed both his hands on the table\u2019s surface and leaned slightly forwards \u201cLook, he doesn\u2019t have the money, why not leave him alone and wait until he has \u2026\u201d<\/p>\n Carlyle turned slowly towards Adam as though quite pleased by this new addition to the controversy, he smiled exposing his excellent teeth and shook his head \u201cIt\u2019s none of your business, Cartwright. The maggot owes me a debt and I want it to be paid now.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHe\u2019s already explained that he can\u2019t repay it \u2026 now.\u201d Adam responded narrowing his eyes slightly and raising his glass slowly to his mouth.<\/p>\n \u201cNow look here, Cartwright, I\u2019m not going to have you poking your nose into my business, do you understand?\u201d Carlyle stepped closer to Adam, leaned down slightly to glare into the dark brown eyes and hoping to see the younger youth flinch.<\/p>\n \u201cI don\u2019t like the way you\u2019re bullying a friend of mine, Carlyle. Why not do as suggested and wait until he can bring you the money.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThat -\u201d Carlyle hissed lowering his head still further \u201cis not convenient.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThen I suggest you make it convenient and leave us alone.\u201d<\/p>\n Carson and Booth were quickly gathering up their drinks and their books and edging away from the table, as were Brown and Hunniford. Students and other revellers were beginning to turn around to see what was going on as the voices had begun to be heard by those closest to their table. Carlyle stepped back, and then without a word raised his clenched first and brought it down, fast, but Adam had already raised his arm to block it, from the corner of his eye he saw one of Carlyle\u2019s friends coming in upon him so he threw the contents of his glass into that young mans face.<\/p>\n \u201cBehind you,\u201d Carson yelled as the other youth threw himself forwards onto Adams back only to be crushed against the wall as Adam pushed himself backwards. Carlyle moved in to throw another punch only for Adam\u2019s fist to connect with his nose.<\/p>\n Even before the landlord had had a chance to come from behind the counter the fight was over. Carlyle held a handkerchief to his nose to catch the blood and glared over at his antagonist \u201cYou\u2019ll regret that, Cartwright.\u201d<\/p>\n Adam twitched a shoulder in a slight wry shrug and resumed his seat, his friends did likewise looking around to make sure that Carlyle actually did leave the building. Carson leaned forwards \u201cThanks for coming to my help, Adam, but he meant what he said\u2026 you\u2019ll have to watch your back from now on.\u201d<\/p>\n Adam beckoned for another glass of beer and looked at Edwin \u201cGo on, what was that you were saying about Marlowe\u2019s blank verse?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOh yes -\u201d Booth stammered and fidgeted , \u201cEr – about his poem \u2018Accurse\u2019d is he who first started war \u2026\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n He stopped and looked at Adam then began to snigger, whether it was from the irony of the topic or the relief he felt over the conclusion of the fight no one knew except that his laughter became contagious so that soon the five of them were laughing companionably without a thought of any consequences to what had occurred.<\/p>\n Adam thought little of the matter as they strolled back to college that evening, his hands in his pockets, whistling a popular song while his friends chattered among themselves. He had had several fights while at college, mainly when he had first started there, it was as though it were some kind of rite of passage, a means of having to prove himself worthy of being there and not just some backwoodsman claiming to be something he wasn\u2019t.<\/p>\n He had gradually become used to the insults they had thrown at him about his background for most the students were youths from wealthy and old Bostonian families who felt the college was \u2018lowering the tone somewhat\u2019 by allowing \u2019a rustic\u2019 from out in the wilds to join them. His desire to learn and his willingness to study, coupled with his natural abilities soon established him as a good student, and with less taunts coming his way there were fewer reasons for him to resort to his fists to defend the Cartwright name.<\/p>\n It was several nights later when Carson and Adam were strolling back to college deep in conversation, their hands in their pockets and their feet more or less finding the route more by habit than anything else. They had reached a section that was deep in shadow when several youths stepped in front of them. Carlyle, with his usual swagger and twisted smile took several paces forward and with hands on hips looked at the two younger men \u201cWell, Carson, I thought you\u2019d have my money now and – Cartwright – I came to repay you what I owe you.\u201d<\/p>\n Adam didn\u2019t have to look behind him to know that several others had already made an appearance, using the shadows as their allies and crowding in behind him and Carson. He looked Carlyle with a slight frown \u201cYou don\u2019t owe me anything, Carlyle.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOh but I do -\u201d Beau Carlyle sniggered, and clicked his fingers, a sharp sound that was lost immediately in the noise of feet shuffling forwards, and then the thud of fists striking flesh, Carson\u2019s yell to be left alone.<\/p>\n The attack could have been prolonged had not a cab driven past and then halted, its occupant dashing out to yell at the crowd. Carlyle and his companions made a quick dash down various alley ways and eventually slunk their way to their rooms in the college. Adam and Carson were left sprawled out on the road with the school Provost kneeling beside them wondering if he had two corpses on his hands.<\/p>\n Sometimes life isn\u2019t a smooth road as Adam knew only too well there were many a bump and a curve to send one spinning into some cruel cul de sac. The matter of the attack was hushed up in as discreet a manner as possible, the perpetuators never brought to account even though several sported black eyes and bruises from where Adam and Carson had struck back and succeeded in landing some of their blows.<\/p>\n Carson was the worse injured and spent several weeks at his home being cared for by private doctors and nursed gently back to full strength. Adam was treated at the college and patched up and cared for adequately but an interview with the Provost left him feeling bitterly angry at the unfairness of a class system he had not expected to find in an American school of learning.<\/p>\n \u201cYou have been accused of brawling, Mr Cartwright. Twice within a week you have been at the centre of a brawl, once in Mr Solomon\u2019s club and again in the street. It really isn\u2019t what we like our young men doing, we have the name and reputation of the College to uphold and consider.\u201d<\/p>\n The Provost paced the floor, twirling his spectacles by its thin wire, his brow furrowed and his mouth thin. Adam stood in the centre of the room with a straight back and dark thoughts mounting in his mind. \u201cI didn\u2019t start either of the fights, sir.\u201d<\/p>\n The Academic turned and looked at him thoughtfully, as though seeing him for the first time. He liked the look of the youth, tall and slim, broad shouldered and good looking with an intelligent cast to his face, he sighed \u201cBeau Carlylle and several others have lodged complaints against you – \u201c<\/p>\n \u201cBut they -\u201d Adam paused, there was an honour code among students and there was little point in bleating innocence and provocation where Carlyle and his friends were concerned. Their parents paid so much in fees and subsidies that they practically owned the building. He firmed his lips and frowned, stared at the carpet before raising his eyes to meet those of the Provost. \u201cSir, Carson and I were not the guilty parties in that street fight.\u201d<\/p>\n The man sat down at his desk and for a moment said nothing \u201cLook, Mr Cartwright, you are a very intelligent young man, a good student, I have nothing but praise for you at the manner in which you have conducted yourself since coming here. I know you came with a disadvantage, your background isn\u2019t -\u201d he paused and frowned again \u201cwell, it isn\u2019t the kind we usually accept here.\u201d he leaned forward \u201cBelieve me, all your lecturers and teachers want you to succeed, Mr. Cartwright, they want you to leave here a credit to the school, to your family – but this brawling has to stop.\u201d<\/p>\n Adam nodded and he wondered briefly if the man sitting there at the desk really understood what actually had taken place, or was he accepting what he had been told with no questions asked because he didn\u2019t want to rock the boat just to help out the son of a man who lived on a ranch in a place no one had heard of – yet.<\/p>\n \u201cSir it seems strange to me that we fought a war not so long ago to cast off the outmoded caste system of another country and yet here have adopted one equally as rigid.\u201d he bowed his head and wondered if the man was expecting an apology if so he was going to have to wait a long time.<\/p>\n \u201cYou graduate soon, Mr. Cartwright.\u201d the Provost rose to his feet, \u201cTry and keep out of trouble from now on, will you?\u201d<\/p>\n When Adam reached his room he looked at the books upon his desk and his first impulse was to thrust them aside – let them fall, let them tear and rip, he no longer cared, he no longer cared about any of it. He raised an arm, paused and then slowly lowered it – with a sigh he walked to the window and looked out to the quadrangle below. Everyone knew the source of trouble in this college, everyone knew that – but it seemed that the god Mammon succeeded in preventing justice even here.<\/p>\n Old Abel Stoddard listened to what his grandson told him with his grey head bowed, occasionally raking his fingers through his beard, nodding his head. It had been some weeks since the incidents had taken place and although Adam\u2019s anger had subsided there was still a bitterness against the system rankling within him. It had been good to be able to spend time with Abel now, and in the peace and quiet of his home relate all that had taken place.<\/p>\n \u201cMy boy, it\u2019s always the same and you\u2019ll find it wherever you go. It\u2019s the same kind of thing that happened to me all those years back when you father married Elizabeth and set up the Chandler\u2019s Store. Men with money think they can own your very soul, it\u2019s only your own honesty and strength of character that can win through. Don\u2019t allow yourself to be corrupted by them, son, and don\u2019t waste time being bitter because sooner or later they have to win battles that even their money can\u2019t win for them.\u201d<\/p>\n Adam stared thoughtfully into the fire\u2019s flames and rubbed his chin \u201cI guess I haven\u2019t been around enough people in my life, Grandfather, to be able to get the full measure of them.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou are more na\u00efve than most,\u201d Abel chuckled, \u201cBut I wouldn\u2019t want you any other way. Just – just don\u2019t get bitter and angry about this, Adam. Put it down to experience, learn from it \u2026 you have to learn from everything that happens in your life, it will add to the stature of what kind of man you will eventually become in the future.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cBut what if it happens again? I mean this situation with Carlyle \u2026 I can\u2019t just let him beat me.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThere\u2019s more than one way of beating people like him.\u201d Abel replied and for a few moments he was silent, then he leaned back into his chair and smiled \u201cYou graduate soon, Adam. It won\u2019t be long before your college days will be over, don\u2019t end them under a dark cloud.\u201d<\/p>\n Adam said nothing but some words from Paradise Lost, often quoted by his Pa slipped into his memory, \u201cThe mind is its own place, and in itself Can make a heav\u2019n of hell, a hell of heav\u2019n.\u201d<\/p>\n Chapter 15<\/p>\n Several things had taken place during Adams absence at his grandfathers, one of which related very much to his own stand against Carlyle and his associates. Although they had swaggered about sporting their bruises as though victors of a bold campaign, they had actually advertised the fact that someone had stood up against them and whether he had been vanquished or not, those previously bullied felt that they had a champion among them. Like some medieval rallying cry these now began to get a little backbone of their own and resist the demands and cruelties of Carlyles group.<\/p>\n Adam\u2019s friends had become aware of what had taken place in the Provost\u2019s office in that vague way most things trickle through the ether, and came to the conclusion that their friend had to reach graduation day without further mishap. Henceforth he found himself never alone, always with at least two of his friends alongside him whether he wanted it or not.<\/p>\n He would laugh at them at times and shake his head in despair at others, but it was a tactic that proved to be necessary as Carlyle\u2019s authority over the students waned and Adams popularity soared. With the cunning of many who were at heart weak he became obsessed with breaking the other youth, of forcing him into situations that would disgrace him and see him \u2019sent packing\u2019. Encouraged by his associates he would used every strategy he could think of – jeering, taunting, even to appearing in groups to challenge him to fight, but Adam, bristling though he would be, waited and bided his own time.<\/p>\n He found himself closely observing the young men who were with Carlyle so much. Some were wealthy, old Bostonian families, others were just weak and too afraid to change. Often when he was studying for some class he would find himself thinking about Carlyle, or one of his friends, trying to find a weak spot, a frailty within them as a group that would break them down.<\/p>\n One morning while strolling through town he noticed Jacob Hardy gazing rather adoringly at some young lady who was talking animatedly to Carlyle. He watched them for a while before continuing onwards, listening to Booth and Carson as they discussed some text or other.<\/p>\n \u201cWho\u2019s that girl Carlyle was talking to just now?\u201d he asked Booth who looked surprised and glanced over his shoulder at the small group \u201cIt\u2019s his sister. She\u2019s alright, not like Beau. Why? Do you – er um – like her?\u201d<\/p>\n Adam shrugged and said nothing but it didn\u2019t take long for Booth to give him all the information he needed after which he asked his friend if he knew her well, \u201cShe\u2019s interested in theatre, as am I.\u201d Booth replied, squaring his shoulders and preparing himself for some teasing.<\/p>\n \u201cSo you know her, meet her at times?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOh yes, in fact I\u2019ll be seeing her tomorrow afternoon. We\u2019re rehearsing Romeo and Juliet \u2026\u201d Booth smiled and sighed, \u201cShe\u2019s a very pretty Juliet.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cBut you\u2019re not cast as Romeo?\u201d Adam grinned and Carson laughed when Booth shook his head and said \u201cSadly not.\u201d<\/p>\n Later that day Adam saw Hardy sitting alone, his head buried in a book. Asking his companions to wait awhile Adam approached the other youth who seeing him immediately sprung to his feet and glanced around for some assistance, but he found no one near by so he nervously stammered \u201cWhat do you want, Cartwright?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI was just curious, Hardy. I heard you were interested in drama, theatre and was surprised when Booth told me you never got involved in any of the productions they put on\u2026\u201d he pursed his lips and slipped his hands into his pockets \u201cIt\u2019s a pity because Booth said they\u2019ve some really pretty girls in the drama group.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI – well -\u201d Hardy shrugged, \u201cHow did you know I was interested in that kind of thing?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI saw you talking to Carlyle and his sister and assumed you knew her from the theatre group, but then Booth said you weren\u2019t part of it, I was quite surprised really.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHuh, well, Carlyle isn\u2019t bothered and – did you say his sister was in the theatre group?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHmmm, she\u2019s rehearsing for their next production – she\u2019s Juliet, a pretty girl, I guess she\u2019d make quite a stunning Juliet.\u201d he frowned, \u201cA pity really, you could have been Romeo.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYes -\u201d Hardy\u2019s voice trailed off, \u201cYes, I guess I could have been.\u201d he licked his lips, \u201cTomorrow, did you say?\u201d then his face fell \u201cShe\u2019d not be interested in me.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhy not?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhy not? Because – because she never notices me when I\u2019m around.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThat\u2019s because you\u2019re always with her brother. What girl\u2019s interested in what her brother does? But they are interested in those people who show an interest in them and what they\u2019re doing.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThey are?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOh yes, certainly -.\u201d Adam nodded as though he was a great authority on the matter and had seduced most of the girls in town by this ploy. Hardy nodded and reached out his hand to shake his, thanking him profusely for the help, then adding \u201cDon\u2019t let Carlyle know, will you?\u201d<\/p>\n Adam assured him he would not tell Carlyle anything at all.<\/p>\n Slowly, one by one, with the help of his friends Adam was able to find some weak chink in the armour of the Carlyle\u2019s little band of merry men. One by one they slipped away from him so that he became more and more isolated within the college grounds. Even when out and about in town he was often found walking with a solitary friend who had \u2019found the time\u2019 to accompany him. He was confused and puzzled by this turn of events and became more bullying and crude as a result, cuffing much younger students around the head as he passed them, elbowing them roughly aside in the corridors, and becoming openly more aggressive in his manner towards all.<\/p>\n His once loyal friends having removed themselves from him now began to see him for what he was, and as a result had even less to do with him.<\/p>\n \u201cCartwright!\u201d<\/p>\n Adam turned slowly towards where Carlyle who had burst through the library door had involuntarily spat out his name when seeing Adam seated at a desk studying. Immediately there was a loud hiss from all around as students and librarians tried to remind him that the rule was for silence in the library.<\/p>\n He walked up to Adam\u2019s desk and grasped hold of the younger youths jacket, \u201cDon\u2019t think I don\u2019t know what you have been up to, Cartwright. I\u2019ve seen how you\u2019ve been creeping up to my friends -\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhat friends are they then, Carlyle?\u201d Adam asked quietly pulling himself away from the fist that gripped his jacket so tightly.<\/p>\n \u201cYou think you\u2019re so clever, huh? Think you\u2019re the better of me? Let me tell you, Cartwright, you\u2019ll never be better than me, do you understand?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNot really.\u201d Adam smoothed down his lapels and shrugged \u201cBetter than you at what?\u201d<\/p>\n Carlyle stared at him for an instant, his face blank, devoid of emotion. He shook his head, \u201cBetter than me in every way you can think of .\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWell, when I think of you, Carlyle, there isn\u2019t anything about you that I would want to be better at \u2026thanks anyway.\u201d he lowered his head, put a hand to his brow and concentrated on the book he was reading as though the other young man had already gone away.<\/p>\n Carlyle pulled the book away and with a growl of frustration threw it with all his might at the book shelves opposite them. Having done that he turned and walked with as much swagger as possible from the room.<\/p>\n Not long after that Beau Carlyle left the college.<\/p>\n Graduation day came with blue skies, sunshine and the heady smell of flowers in the air. Abel Stoddard took his seat among the family and friends of the students and listened to the speeches with a pride in his heart that made his eyes dim. He looked at the rows of students in their caps and gowns, saw his grandson among them and wiped a tear from his eyes.<\/p>\n Earlier that day he had stood at Elizabeth\u2019s grave, one gnarled hand resting upon the headstone at the base of which he had placed a posy of white lily of the valley. \u201cWell, my dear,\u201d he said softly, \u201cWe\u2019ve done it. Our boy has his graduation today, who would have thought it after all these years but, my goodness, he has worked hard to achieve it, my dear, really worked hard. He has a love of learning, Liz, just like you always had \u2026 I kept my promise, dearie, I kept my promise \u2026\u201d<\/p>\n He was still thinking of her when Adam made his appearance on the platform, accepted his diploma, thanked the Provost and walked on. He had passed with honours, and one distinction in Maths. It was a strange thing that as he walked away and joined the others in tossing his hat in the air, he could only think that now – he could go home.<\/p>\n Leaving New England was delayed by Abel\u2019s illness, in a letter to his father and brothers he told them that he would be staying until his grandfather was well enough to be left or travel back to the Ponderosa with him.<\/p>\n Chapter 16<\/p>\n Winter came with a screeching whirling blizzard that sounded like a thousand devils beleaguering the house that Adam built. In his room Joe shivered and tried to close his ears to the sounds as snow and wind tried to force an entry by any means possible. He put his hands over his ears and burrowed below the quilts but still the monster howled at his window.<\/p>\n Hoss Cartwright inwardly groaned as he heard, above the roar of the wind, the pitter patter of his brother\u2019s not so tiny feet. He tensed his body in preparation for the quilts being lifted as Joe threw them back \u2026\u201dYou gotta come in and disturb my sleep, Little Joe?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI – I\u2019m cold.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cSo\u2019m I.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI can\u2019t get my teeth to stop chattering.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWal, I ain\u2019t hearing nothing from \u2018em jest quit your jawing will ya and get into bed. Don\u2019t -\u201d too late \u201cput your feet on mine. Goshdarn, Little Joe, do you always have to do that?\u201d<\/p>\n Joe huddled down as close to Hoss as he possibly could, and waited for the shivering to stop which it always did within minutes because Hoss was never cold, he may have said he felt the cold, but his body was always perfectly warm. Joe closed his eyes and sighed contentedly \u201cHoss, will the wind blow the roof off?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou sure? The shingles sure are rattling about some.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThat was probably your teeth you heard \u2026git to sleep.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cBut Hoss, that door is sure banging something fierce. Do you think it\u2019ll be alright? It won\u2019t open up will it?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cPa\u2019s got a bar across it.\u201d Hoss mumbled, itched his nose and screwed up his eyes.<\/p>\n \u201cHoss -\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI don\u2019t want to know.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYeah, but -\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cGo to sleep.\u201d<\/p>\n A thud and a bang startled them both and they lay there together eyes wide open, staring into the darkness listening to the storm. Gradually their heart beats settled down and they sunk back into the pillow \u201cReckon it was the outhouse agin.\u201d Hoss muttered.<\/p>\n Joe rolled his eyes and winced, what a time to mention the outhouse \u2026<\/p>\n In the large room where Ben slept the sound of the storm made little difference. To a man who had sailed the seas, been shipwrecked in the Magellan Straits and travelled in a wagon across the country one storm was much like any other, the louder the thuds and bangs the louder Ben snored.<\/p>\n For Hop Sing it was a problem. He lay awake, prayed to his ancestors and closed his eyes. He opened them again and stared at the ceiling and muttered imprecations galore. Eventually he got up and went into the kitchen to light the stove. The rooms were so cold that even in his quilted outer coat over his dressing gown over his nightshirt he was shivering.<\/p>\n He stood in the middle of the big room and shook his head \u201cRoom too big.\u201d he mumbled, \u201cToo big, too cold. Take too much fire to get warm. Not good.\u201d<\/p>\n Having made his usual comment about the room dimensions he lit the stove in the area where Ben worked and waited for the little flicker of flame to reward him. He nodded, that was good, the fire hadn\u2019t gone entirely out. Going to the big fireplace he moved the logs a little and then got the bellows to work in order to get life from the embers that still glowed there. Every night he banked up the fires but often times in this intensity of cold they would be dead in the morning. Once the flames were strong enough he placed logs upon them and then returned to the kitchen.<\/p>\n The blizzard had blown hard for several days and when morning came all four of them were sure that it would have died away and gone somewhere else. The warmth of the rooms due to Hop Sings vigil over the fires was misleading for when they stopped to listen the roar of the wind continued unabated. Joe scowled \u201cI told you it was still storming.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI heard ya, I jest didn\u2019t want to have to agree with you, is all.\u201d Hoss replied giving Joe a little push to move him along to the table.<\/p>\n Ben was quiet through the meal, he answered the boys in short abrupt words and then resumed his thinking, he finally put down his cup and went over to the front door and opened it. The wind was almost gleeful as it hurled itself against him and sent him staggering back several paces, snow blew into the room and danced around him, seeking corners and places to sink into.<\/p>\n He slammed the door shut and after an effort managed to place the bar across it. \u201cWe need more wood from the barn, and we need to check the cow \u2026\u201d he rubbed his hands together and looked at his sons who were staring round eyed at him. He knew there was no point in sending Joe who would have been blown away in such a wind but Hoss was big and strapping, considered a man in the world of that day. Hoss nodded \u201cSure, I\u2019ll get onto it right away, Pa.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cFinish your meal first.\u201d<\/p>\n For some moments there was no sound other than that of everyone eating, the rattle of cups upon saucers and of cutlery. Finally Hoss set down his napkin and stood up, stretched and yawned, \u201cShucks, Pa, I think the outhouse blew away in the gale last night, you want me to check on that too.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cMmm, had better.\u201d Ben said with a slight scowl, and then rose to his feet and walked with Hoss to where their coats and mufflers were \u201cI\u2019ll come with you.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHey, Pa, ain\u2019t no need -\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cEvery need, Hoss, I don\u2019t want you -\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI ain\u2019t gonna blow away, Pa.\u201d Hoss put a placating hand on his father\u2019s chest, \u201cJest you stay indoors some and I\u2019ll go and look see.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHoss,\u201d Ben pulled up his coat, \u201cI\u2019m coming with you.\u201d he turned back to where Joe was standing watching them both \u201cJoseph, you write out your letters from that primer I got you, you understand?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYes sir.\u201d<\/p>\n The wind was bitterly cold, it caught at their breaths and whipped the words out of their mouths. By holding onto the line they had previously rigged up they were able to reach the stables and check on the horses, then onto the barn to see to the milk cow. She wasn\u2019t happy, half the roof had been ripped away and she was huddled in a corner behind some hay bales. \u201cMust have been what we heard last night.\u201d Hoss shouted in his father\u2019s ear.<\/p>\n The barn was moving from the force of the wind that was blowing into it from the gap in the roof. As it sought a way out so it was pushing at the boards so that they creaked one way, and then another. Ben tapped his son on the shoulder \u201cWe\u2019ll have to board up the hole from inside, otherwise the whole lot will be ripped apart.\u201d<\/p>\n It took far longer to achieve than they thought although the danger was less by working on it from inside the building the wind was still strong, strong enough to blow them one way and then the other, more than once they were sent tumbling over but both men were strong and succeeded in boarding the gap. Ben shook his head \u201cIt doesn\u2019t look pretty but it\u2019ll do.\u201d<\/p>\n The outhouse was still standing although with a precarious lean which they decided to leave as the cold was becoming too severe and quickly they made their way to the woodshed, sliding and slipping as they went, pushed this way and the other by the wind. Loaded down with clean dry logs they fought their way back to the house and finally, gratefully, slammed the door shut behind them.<\/p>\n By the fire Joe had fallen asleep, his pencil in his hand and his primer ignored. Instead there was a drawing of what might have been Hoss and Pa going out into the snow and under it he had written \u201cDer Adam, it is snowing bad and hard. Pa and Hoss have gone to get logs for the fire. I think the outhoose blewed away. There was a bang lars nite are you having snow too? Your b\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss picked it up and grinned \u201cSay, Pa, he\u2019s gitting mighty good with his spelling ain\u2019t he?\u201d<\/p>\n When the blizzard had blown itself out Ben mounted his horse and with Tom Riley beside him took the trail to the meadow where he had his cattle. Behind them on a sled piled with hay was Hoss, his strong young wrists handling the team with a steadiness that gave them confidence to fight the bright whiteness.<\/p>\n Ben had taken a gamble and decided that the land would be good as grazing land and earlier that year had bought a hundred head of cattle. It had been good prime beef and from those he had hoped to build up a far greater herd, eventually perhaps even introduce a hardier strain by buying up purer stock.<\/p>\n The horses had to struggle through the snow, sometimes it was chest high, sometimes they fell into drifts and the riders had to dismount and tumble about some before they were hauled out and steady enough to proceed.<\/p>\n They sat in the saddle and looked at the cattle, Hoss clambered down from the sled and pushed his way through the snow to stand beside his father \u201cWhat happened to them?\u201d he asked as he stared at the animals dead in the snow.<\/p>\n Tom Riley pointed to a thicket where several animals stood lowing mournfully over at them. Some had survived and Hoss hauled out the hay and began to scatter it over the snow for them but they were hesitant about moving forwards until a young heifer forged a way and began to eat.<\/p>\n Tom Riley eased his back and shook his head after he had checked over the dead animals. There were over 60 sprawled out as stiff as though they had been in an abattoir and hung up in an ice house. Ben looked defeated, tired and beaten \u201cWell, what did happen to them?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m sorry, Mr. Cartwright, ain\u2019t nothing you could have done for them except maybe have them all in a barn warm and cosy like.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cA hundred head?\u201d Ben barked, angry with himself, angry at the loss of the cattle, the waste of money, and angry at the blizzard that had blown for over a week.<\/p>\n \u201cAs I said nothing you could do about it. The cold weather, the ice -\u201d he scratched his head before quickly replacing his hat \u201cSeen it before, the ice forms from their breathing, it covers their mouths and nostrils and they gradually suffocate. Can\u2019t eat, can\u2019t move, can\u2019t breathe so they just stand and freeze to death. The ice is like a glass muzzle, thick and hard, ain\u2019t nothing they can do to get it off\u2019n \u2018em.\u201d<\/p>\n He surveyed Ben thoughtfully and then turned away to help Hoss with the hay which the surviving animals were now eating, pushing each other aside in order to reach it. He thought that Ben had learned a hard lesson this winter, but he knew the man well enough to know that he\u2019d not be beaten, even if he felt that he was at the moment. This kind of thing happened to a lot of cattlemen and as far as Tom was concerned Ben Cartwright had come out of it better than most. Adam Cartwright looked at the two letters in his hand and then sat down again at the table in his grandfathers house. One letter was from the Provost of his college telling him that he had met with a friend, a prominent architect, who needed an apprentice. He had taken the opportunity of putting Adam\u2019s name forward. The second letter was from the architect himself, a Cyril Monroe a partner in the company of Monroe, Norton & Co. the most important firm of architects in Boston. Referring to the Provost Mr Monroe informed Adam that if he were interested in a position with the company would he please attend the offices at 10 a.m on the 23rd of the month. Mention was made of the high respect the Provost had for him, speaking very highly of him indeed.<\/p>\n He set the two letters down and then turned to look at his grandfather who was nodding in sleep by the fire. Outside a fierce wind raged hurling snow against the windows, but inside was warm and although the casements rattled no draughts found their way through to disturb the old man.<\/p>\n He leaned back into his chair and pushed the letters to one side before bowing his head into his hands. It seemed as though everything was pushing him away from the very thing he most wanted to do, and that was to get home.<\/p>\n Chapter 17<\/p>\n With some skilful manouvring Ben, Hoss and Tom were able to get the remaining cattle down to the meadow that was closer to the ranch thus enabling them to get feed to them more regularly through the remainder of the winter. Even as they ploughed their way through the snow encouraging the cows forwards Ben was scanning the skies for any sign of another storm. It was possible that there would be nothing for a few days, but weather was unpredictable along the Tahoe.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat are we going to do about those dead cows, Pa?\u201d Hoss asked. He was breathing heavy, the effort of the task had taxed even his strength. His team of two horses pulling a now empty sled had forged on through the snow bravely enough but had floundered into drifts occasionally which had overturned the lightweight sled meaning he had to fight the horses and the snow to get it upright again.<\/p>\n \u201cI was wondering about that \u2026\u201d Ben glanced over at Tom who was leaning upon his saddle horn listening to them talking, \u201cTom, what do you suggest? You\u2019re an old hand at this kind of thing, what do you think we should do?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWal, the men at the Washoe Diggings would sure be grateful for some meat right now but I can\u2019t be sure you\u2019d be able to get to them with the snow cutting off the passes as it has.\u201d he pushed back his hat and scratched his head, \u201cBest burn \u2018em.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhat? Just burn them like in a bonfire?\u201d Hoss said screwing up his face as though what he heard didn\u2019t make sense to him.<\/p>\n \u201cNothing else for it.\u201d Tom replied, \u201cYou\u2019ll get the scavengers coming soon, they\u2019ll come out and gorge on the carcasses, and then next thing you know they\u2019ll be down hunting the cattle that you\u2019ve still got alive.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben nodded although he looked thoughtful and not so sure as to the veracity of what Tom was saying. He looked at Hoss as though for inspiration and then nodded as though his mind were made up \u201cLook, Hoss, do you think you would be able to get to some of the other homesteaders around here and see if they need some meat? The Dents may be needing some, they don\u2019t seem to have done so well during the year \u2026 and check on the Hawkins as well.\u201d<\/p>\n He paused and looked at his son anxiously, then shook his head and laid a hand on his arm, \u201cI don\u2019t want you to go alone, Hoss. Perhaps I should get someone else to do it.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo, Pa, it\u2019s alright, I can do it.\u201d Hoss replied for he was always eager to prove that he could act as old as people assumed him to be, which was a deal older than his 14 years.<\/p>\n \u201cTom, what do you think?\u201d<\/p>\n His older companion rubbed his jaw, \u201cWal,\u201d he drawled as usual, \u201cI don\u2019t rightly know, Ben, the snows deep in places and if another storm blows could be pretty tricky. It\u2019s quite a distance to those other homesteads as well, and you got -\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cSure, alright I see what you\u2019re thinking.\u201d Ben nodded then remounted his horse \u201cAlright, Hoss, let\u2019s get home and warm up. Those cattle are so frozen stiff they won\u2019t be going no place for some while yet.\u201d<\/p>\n During the coming four days when there was a calm in the weather Ben was able to send some of the frozen meat to those of his neighbours who were still accessible and not cut off by the snows. Some had not seen fresh meat since the beginning of the snows so the sight of the frozen creatures was more than just a source of wonderment.<\/p>\n When the Paiute noticed the sleds being hauled with their frozen consignments from the Ponderosa they promptly reported back to Chief Truckee who sent emissaries to Ben pleading for assistance as the winter was harsh for them also, and hunting had been curtailed due to the dangers of the weather. His pleas did not fall on deaf ears as Ben, Hoss and several of their men saw to the delivery of cattle to the Chief who, humbled by the white mans generosity admitted that had the people not been close to starvation pride would have prevented him from \u2018asking\u2019 for the help given.<\/p>\n When the next storms came it seemed as though the world was blanketed with white, only the tallest trees still stood proud casting their long blue shadows across the snow covered landscape.<\/p>\n \u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026..<\/p>\n Cyril Monroe liked to talk. He talked about the weather, the founding of the company, how he had graduated from the same school as Adam fifteen years previously and on what good terms he happened to be with the Provost. Adam sat in the hard backed chair with one leg crossed over the other and his hands folded in his lap. He waited for the inevitable questions while he listened with half an ear to the man\u2019s ramblings.<\/p>\n The office was large and ostentatious. It had all the trappings of a company that had been and still was successful. Upon the walls were framed documents and testimonials and diploma\u2019s with their red wax seals proudly proclaiming the company\u2019s prestigious position in the world of architecture and engineering. Adam looked at them, his eyes wandering from one to the other as Cyril continued to chatter.<\/p>\n \u201cNow, let\u2019s come to you, shall we?\u201d<\/p>\n The question came out of the blue and for a moment Adam had to bring back his attention from his private thoughts about Cyril , the office and the interview to look at the little man seated behind the big desk. He nodded, smiled, and waited. \u201cThe Provost tells me that you have an unusual background – from someplace in Utah I believe?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cMy father owns land there.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cReally? What does he do there? Farm? Er \u2026 agriculture is it?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cTimber, and horses.\u201d Adam answered for he was not yet aware of Ben\u2019s cattle enterprise. \u201cWe catch horses for trade with the army.\u201d<\/p>\n Cyril\u2019s brow creased in curiosity \u201cSo you\u2019re not – farmers?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo.\u201d Adam\u2019s lips thinned \u201cWe\u2019re not farmers.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhy did you come to Boston, Mr. Cartwright? All this way, an arduous journey for a young man.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cMy grandfather wanted me to get an education here. I was born in New England, he wanted me to have an education worthy of -\u201d he paused , worthy of what? Worthy for a Cartwright, what would that mean to a self seeking little man like Cyril Monroe. He cleared his throat, \u201cMy grandfather wanted me here.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAnd why architecture?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019ve always wanted to be an architect, ever since -\u201d he paused again, ever since way back as a child, would Cyril Monroe be interested in that? \u201cI met a man once who showed me how to design a house and that interested me\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHow many houses have you designed yourself, back there in your wilderness, Mr. Cartwright?\u201d<\/p>\n Adam looked at Mr. Monroe and knew that the man had granted this interview based on his acquaintance with the Provost, not because he was interested in furthering a young mans dream or future. He could sense the antipathy with which Monroe was struggling to hide behind a pretence of interest and slowly he stood up, pursed his lips slightly and looked directly into the other mans\u2019 face \u201cI\u2019ve designed one house. Only one\u2026 so far that is \u2026\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cJust the one? Well, some of the men we have interviewed \u2026\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019s alright, Mr. Monroe, you don\u2019t have to say anything else. I appreciate the time you have given me, but I realise that anything more would be a waste of your time and mine.\u201d he picked up his hat and the envelope that contained all the pertinent papers that Monroe had requested, \u201cI don\u2019t really belong here.\u201d he murmured.<\/p>\n \u201cYou have a lot of promise, Mr. Cartwright,\u201d Monroe rose to his feet and extended his hand \u201cI do wish you every success and I\u2019m sure \u2026\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThank you, Mr. Monroe.\u201d Adam cut him short, shook the proffered hand briefly and quickly left the room.<\/p>\n Once outside he released his breath and stood still, he looked up at the sky and remembered the day his father had cut down the first tree for their house. He could hear Bens voice now saying that at last the dream had become reality, and how he had looked, so proud, so happy. Adam placed his hat upon his head and pulled up the collar of his coat, he needed to get home, to his father and brothers, to the house he had built.<\/p>\n \u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026<\/p>\n Abel Stoddard listened out for the quick confident steps of his grandson and smiled to himself that secret smile of pride a man feels for the younger ones they love. He heard the door open and close before turning to look at the youth as he stepped into the room, \u201cDid it go well, my boy?\u201d<\/p>\n Adam forced a smile and nodded as he removed his outer garments and hung them upon the peg, he looked at the old man and stepped up towards him \u201cAre you feeling alright, Grandfather?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m tired, Adam, that\u2019s all. Come and sit down and tell me all about it? What was the office like? Is it as grand as I\u2019ve heard tell it to be?\u201d<\/p>\n Gently Adam helped Abel back into his chair and then after making sure that he was settled he tended the fire, putting on more logs so that there was a good blaze going within a few moments. He frowned and glanced at Abel as the thought crossed his mind that even the simple task of placing logs on the fire was now beyond the frail old mans abilities. Had he now returned now the fire would have gone out and the house settled into one so cold that Abel would have easily become ill.<\/p>\n He brushed the dust from the logs from his hands and then sat in the chair opposite his grandfather and answered his questions, Abel nodded enthusiastically, his eyes watered, his lips trembled as did his hands. \u201cYes, yes, and did they say you could work there? Did you get the position? You should you know, you\u2019re perfectly qualified.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI didn\u2019t want the position, Grandfather.\u201d Adam said honestly and then saw the dismay on the old man\u2019s face, the shadow of fear passed across it before it was replaced by the mans\u2019 stubborn thrust of a jaw and tilt of the chin as he questioned him as to why \u201cBecause I\u2019m not in Mr. Monroe\u2019s class, Grandfather, I don\u2019t quite come from the right background.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNonsense, damned nonsense.\u201d Abel said and slapped the arm of his chair with his fist, \u201cI can remember Cyril Monroe when he was running around in short pants and hanging onto his mother\u2019s skirts. Who does he think he is \u2026\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019s alright, Grandfather.\u201d Adam reached out a hand which he placed on Abels trembling fist, \u201cIt\u2019s alright.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo, it\u2019s not. You\u2019re Elizabeth\u2019s son, you\u2019ve worked all these years to get your qualifications and no pompous ass is going to stop you getting that position. I\u2019ll write to him myself and tell him -\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cGrandfather, don\u2019t. I – well – to be honest I wouldn\u2019t want to work there. I couldn\u2019t work there.\u201d he added with more firmness in his voice and again he saw that fear shadow Abels face and he smiled \u201cit\u2019s alright, I won\u2019t leave you, Grandfather. I won\u2019t be going just yet.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWell, who spoke of you going? You know you don\u2019t have to go, you\u2019ll always have a home here. This is your home.\u201d Abel blustered and his cheeks reddened and he shook his head, \u201cdon\u2019t fear, Adam, this is your home.\u201d<\/p>\n Adam nodded, smiled but inwardly he thought no, it isn\u2019t \u2026 he looked at the old man with the trembling hands and frail body and leaned back in the chair. For a while he would be staying here, because this old man needed him for now; it wouldn\u2019t be for long though and then he would be able to go home.<\/p>\n Chapter 18<\/p>\n Some time before Adam Cartwright was born his grandfather sat on a bollard on the quayside and stared out across the harbour to the far off horizon. It seemed to him that no matter how he had tried he could no longer hear the sea calling his name and so he had changed his way of living as a result.<\/p>\n Now his grandson sat on that same bollard and stared across the harbour with his arms folded across his chest and his thoughts more on the family so far away than on the old man struggling to live in the house close by. He had felt restless for so long now, even before graduation he had had that longing to push away the buildings, the congested streets and the cluttered up skyline. He wanted to breathe the pine scented air of Ponderosa pines wafting down the valley on the winds from the sierra\u2019s. He longed to mount a horse and gallop out into the wilderness, the vastness beyond towns and railway lines and all the contrivances of the modern age that seemed to slow people down here in this vast metropolis.<\/p>\n \u201cI need to be free of here, it\u2019s choking me, and I want to go home.\u201d was like a chorus line from a song that went round and round in his head so that he felt he was banging his head against a brick wall because he couldn\u2019t dislodge the thought.<\/p>\n He was getting to his feet when he saw fat Mrs Jackson hurrying towards him, her face creased with anxiety and concern and by the time he had met her half way across the wharf she seized his hands \u201cMr.Adam, it\u2019s time, he\u2019s calling for you.\u201d<\/p>\n Abel Stoddard could hear the sound of the footsteps coming up the stairs, a man\u2019s tread but light in their haste to reach him quickly. He could sense his grandsons anxiety in the way he rushed to the bedside and reached for his hands and he nodded as though in an attempt to reassure him that it was alright, everything was alright.<\/p>\n He could no longer see the face he loved of this young man but he could imagine it clearly; the black hair that curled around the nape of his neck and the dimples in the lean cheeks, the dark eyes, so like Elizabeths, tender and gentle \u2026 just like Elizabeths he thought again and he reached out with his hands and felt them taken in Adam\u2019s. The strength of the young man was such a contrast to the frail hands of the grandfather and for a moment Abel relished the feel of them, the strength and vigour of those fingers, he could feel the pulse beating through them and smiled \u201cAdam, you\u2019re so young, so much more to do yet.\u201d<\/p>\n His voice was like a thin reed and Adam had to bend low to catch the words, over his head he glanced at the doctor and Mrs Jackson, the first shook his head and the latter buried her face in her apron. Abel squeezed feebly his beloved grandsons fingers \u201cSo proud of you, boy. Elizabeth – so proud of you – I dream of my ship sailing on the dark seas, and I wonder if one day I will ever see her again.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou will, grandfather, you will \u2026\u201d Adam whispered and looked at his grandfather with such intensity as though to burn the image of his features into his brain so that they would never be forgotten.<\/p>\n \u201cAdam -\u201d Abel paused, there was something he needed to say, something he felt was important but which slipped away from his memory now, there were sounds like the ebbing of the sea whooshing in and out, in and out, softly drawing away his very being, he drew in a deep breath and his grip on Adams hands tightened as though in protest at being taken away now, he wanted to stay, just a little longer.<\/p>\n Adam waited for some moments before the doctor touched him on the shoulder, nodded in that way so many doctors had from generations upon generations ago, and he knew then Abel Stoddard had gone, but he still sat there holding the frail old hands . Ben Cartwright rode his fine buckskin horse through the turmoil of the mining camp while beside him Hoss, mounted on a handsome black horse, loped by his side. It had grown in size, it seemed to them both that there were more men than ever, and some women also with children struggling through the cloying mud that tugged at their skirts as they strode through the narrow passages between claims.<\/p>\n There was just a huddle of tarpaulin covered shanties, wagons with their canvas covers stretched out to act as the roof over their claim, it was squalid and unpleasant. Camp fires belched smoke and there was a smell hanging about the area that was far from pleasant.<\/p>\n He paused to ask a tall thin man if he could tell him where the doctor lived and a thin boney finger pointed to a wooden clad timber frame building some distance from them. Ben directed his horse to the doctors office and dismounted, looked around him and then looked up at Hoss \u201cWell, what do you think?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNot much, makes me want to get back home – quick.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben smiled, a fleeting smile as he turned to open the door and enter the room. He soon came back out again \u201cwhat\u2019s wrong, Pa?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOne doctor and about fifty patients jammed pack tight in there like sardines.\u201d came the reply, he looked up and down the churned up mud of a thoroughfare and shook his head \u201cSomething needs to be done to get some order into this.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cFolks are following their dreams, Pa.\u201d Hoss muttered leaning onto the pommel of his saddle and smiling down at his father.<\/p>\n \u201cThat\u2019s alright if it isn\u2019t all one and the same dream, Hoss.\u201d he sighed and shook his head, looked up and down and then froze to the spot as two men rolled out of some tented affair with the signpost \u201cBucket of Blood\u201d sprawled on it in red paint. The two men were hitting out at each other, swearing and cursing as they did so. Even as Ben watched another few men came out, bottles or glasses in their hands to watch and cheer the fight on.<\/p>\n It ended when one of the men didn\u2019t get back up on his feet upon which the others cheered the winner and trooped back into the makeshift saloon. Ben and Hoss walked over to the other man and turned him onto his back. Hoss looked at his father who shook his head \u201cHe\u2019s dead.\u201d<\/p>\n They looked at the body, from what they could discern through the mud that caked his face and clothing the man was young, no doubt only a few years older than Hoss. Even as they looked a man in a black suit bustled up and elbowed them away, he was the undertaker and didn\u2019t want anyone interfering in his business.<\/p>\n As Ben turned to go into the saloon the undertaker grabbed at his arm \u201cWouldn\u2019t do that, Mister, if I were you. You won\u2019t be thanked and could well end up next in the row to this one.\u201d he indicated the dead body whose pockets he was rifling through, he gave an exclamation of delight at finding some papers on the lads jacket \u201cAh, Jethro O\u2019Connell.\u201d he nodded to himself, stuffed the papers in his own pocket and looked at Hoss, \u201cYou look like a strong strapping fellow, pick him up and carry him over to my place would you?\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss looked at Ben who reluctantly nodded and then turned to walk alongside the other man, \u201cDoes this kind of thing happen often?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhat? People getting shot, stabbed, beaten to death, killed in the mud and slime of the mines they\u2019re tunnelling?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYes -\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAll the time. The doctors keep busy trying to keep them alive, and I\u2019m kept busy burying \u2018em. Half the time there isn\u2019t anyone to pay the funeral costs either. I just pocket their claim and sell it on.\u201d he stopped in front of a tarpaulin covered tent, large and commodious and when Ben and Hoss stepped inside quite filled with coffins. \u201cI hardly have time to make new ones.\u201d the undertaker said, \u201cThey\u2019re for the folk with relatives here, others get -\u201d he jerked his thumb over to a pile of jute sacks.<\/p>\n Hoss gently laid the young man, Jethro O\u2019Connell upon a table consisting of several thick slabs of wood. \u201cAin\u2019t there any law here yet?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo. A Circuit Marshal comes around once a year for a few months but that only started up before the winter set in. He hasn\u2019t got here yet.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben shook his head and looked down at the dead youth, then beckoned to Hoss to follow him, \u201cWe\u2019ll get what we need and then head back home.\u201d<\/p>\n It was miserable and disconcerting to see the changes on the Washoe. Within such a short time so many people had thrust their way into the area. He was not to know that in a few more years when it was confirmed there was gold in the area that there would be even more people flooding in to grab their stake, and that one day a man called Henry Comstock would discover one of the largest nuggets of gold that would trigger off the biggest gold strike in American history. Times were changing\u2026 and Ben didn\u2019t feel convinced that they were changing for the better.<\/p>\n \u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026<\/p>\n \u201cWas it horrible, Hoss, was it?\u201d Joe tagged behind his brother having listened with ghoulish horror and fascination at Hoss\u2019 tale of the sad demise of Jethro O\u2019Connell.<\/p>\n \u201cYes, it was.\u201d Hoss replied simply and continued currying his horse with a vigour that indicated a more subconscious desire to be rid of the mud and filth it had collected in that ride through the diggings.<\/p>\n Joe found a stack of straw to sit on and swung his legs too and fro his face puckered in concentration, \u201cDid he just fall down then, did the man shoot him?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo he didn\u2019t shoot him, they jest fought and then he fell down into the mud -\u201d Hoss glanced up and stared at the roof of the stables as though a thought had just struck him as significant, \u201cI think he was smothered by the mud, Joe.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe nodded sagely, and looked out of the stable doors at the churned up mud in the yard. The snows had left their evidence in passing, he\u2019d slipped in the mud himself only the previous day and got a scolding from Hop Sing for the mess he had made of his pants as a result.<\/p>\n \u201cDid he swallow it then?\u201d he swung the question back at his brother who sighed deeply and straightened his back.<\/p>\n \u201cLook Joe, I don\u2019t want to talk about it anymore, alright?\u201d<\/p>\n Joe nodded and swung his feet some more as he plucked straw from the stack and twisted it round and round in his fingers \u201cHoss?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhat now?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cPa says I ain\u2019t allowed to go to the diggings.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cGood, it ain\u2019t the place for you, Pa\u2019s right, you stay clear, you hear me?\u201d<\/p>\n Joe shrugged as if he could go anywhere by himself, there was always someone with him because even though he was a big boy now of 9 years of age he was slight of build and Ben was over protective of him since Marie\u2019s death. He knew there were wild animals in the woods, he knew there were savage Indians who would delight in carrying him off after all he was constantly being reminded of the time the Bannocks carried off a whole family some years ago, a woman and her sons and daughter. Sometimes Ben forgot to mention that they had made a safe return just to pound it into Joe\u2019s stubborn little head that if any Paiute or Bannock or even Shoshone got hold of him they probably would keep him for good.<\/p>\n He felt it was unfair, but refrained from protesting too much after all he loved his home, he loved his Pa and brother it was just that at times Ben was just too restrictive – that was Joe\u2019s opinion anyway. Hoss rubbed his head making his dark blond hair stand on end as he did so \u201cReckon Pa will let you go along sometime, shortshanks. You just got to be patient.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe knew Hoss was right and chewed on the tip of the straw before falling back upon the stack and staring up at the rafters, he could see where light shone through a small hole, it shone down pure sunlight so that he could see dust motes dancing in the air. \u201cI wish I was growed up now.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou\u2019ll be growed up soon enough,\u201d Hoss muttered, \u201cNow why don\u2019t you get yourself up and do some work around here?\u201d<\/p>\n Joe sighed, was there a worse hard done by lad than him alive ? He didn\u2019t think so.<\/p>\n Chapter 19<\/p>\n The young man sat with his heavy coat wrapped around him to keep out the rain and his hat lowered, when the brim was full of rain water he tilted his head forwards so that it would sluice out between his legs onto the well beneath the wagon seat. He sat patiently listening to the driver talking about his claim, his wife, his son as though no one else possessed such things themselves, nor wanted to either.<\/p>\n Every so often the waggoner would spit tobacco juice into the wind which caused his young passenger to turn his head aside and twitch his shoulders. He was broad minded enough and didn\u2019t object to whatever habits other people indulged in but preferred not to be such a close witness to some of them.<\/p>\n It had been a chance encounter with old Roy Hayes in San Francisco that had enabled Adam Cartwright to get this ride into Eagle Station which was now developing into a trading post and the rain had started to fall not far from the huddle of buildings that could be seen on the horizon. He had learned from Hayes that the diggings along the Washoe was a rowdy dangerous place to be and if a man wanted to grow to full height he avoided it like the plague.<\/p>\n By the time they actually arrived at the trading post the rain had stopped, Adam was able to reshape his hat and shake his coat out, retrieve his luggage and make his way into the building. He knew all the history of this place, about the bald eagle that had been shot by one of Fremonts men and that was why they named it Eagle Station. He had followed the exploits of Fremont and Kit Carson, his scout, ever since they had arrived in the Washoe valley, even at college he had continued to read about their exploits with a wry smile remembered the mans claim that they were the first white men to see Lake Tahoe. Ben Cartwright could have proven him wrong on that score had he had a mind to do so \u2026<\/p>\n It was noon and upon his request for a horse he was asked to show the colour of his money first before being taken to see what was available. If the wagon had taken him to the diggings his ride would have been far shorter but Hayes had his claim in a more private area, a wink of the eye and a tapping of the nose was the closest Adam got to finding out where it could have been. The trader leaned upon his counter and looked the young man up and down \u201cYou reckon you know where you\u2019re headed?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYes. Thank you.\u201d Adam glanced up at the shelf \u201cAnd I\u2019ll have that rifle and some ammunition.\u201d<\/p>\n A man lolled close by, elbows hooked over the counter and nodded \u201cYou likely able to hit whatever it is you\u2019re aiming at?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cDo you want me to have to prove it on your hide?\u201d Adam replied levelly as he took the rifle from the trader and checked it for balance. He squinted along the barrel and nodded with satisfaction, then paid over his money.<\/p>\n \u201cWhere you headed for anyhow, boy?\u201d another man asked not ungraciously and stepped away from the door against which he had been lounging to come closer.<\/p>\n \u201cThe Ponderosa.\u201d Adam replied letting the words roll from his tongue with a great sense of pleasure.<\/p>\n \u201cThe Cartwright\u2019s place?\u201d this man asked and stepped closer, eyeing Adam up and down, \u201cYou related to Ben Cartwright?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI am.\u201d Adam took his change and turned to the trader \u201cI\u2019d like to see about that horse now, mister, and I\u2019ll need a saddle and everything else as well.\u201d<\/p>\n The man who had shown so much curiosity now stepped in front of Adam and once again looked him over with a narrow eyed look on his face \u201cYou Ben Cartwright\u2019s eldest boy, the one they call Adam?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI am.\u201d Adam replied and \u201cIf you don\u2019t mind now, I\u2019d like to get myself a horse before this days over.\u201d<\/p>\n Some of the men in the trading post exerted themselves enough to watch him ride away, one muttered that he hadn\u2019t known Ben Cartwright had another son, always thought it was just the two, but Ephraim Dent had remembered the boy who had come with his father to build the chimney in his home. He stood by the door with the other men and watched the young man ride away before turning back into the interior of the building.<\/p>\n Adam made his way carefully from the trading post following along the faint track that wagon wheels had made over time but keeping his eyes open for the one trail that would lead him in the right direction. Every so often he paused along the track to wait a while behind some boulder or tree just in case he had been followed for he didn\u2019t trust the way some of the men had watched him. Eventually he gained enough confidence in the fact that he was not being followed and would not be bushwhacked and put his heels into the horses flanks in order to get it to get into a gallop. The day was passing too quickly, he wanted to be home soon, sooner even than that !<\/p>\n Ben Cartwright was reading through a book that wasn\u2019t really interesting him greatly when he heard the sound of a horse loping into the yard. He looked up and then over to Hoss who was eating a sandwich and watching as Joe laboriously wrote down his math, an assignment Ben had given him earlier that day and which Hoss was trying to work out before Joe managed to do so.<\/p>\n It was, at that time, unusual to have visitors unless it was one of the ranch hands but they usually rode around to the corral to get to the bunkhouse. After realising that niether of his sons was going to move to see who the visitor was, Ben rose to his feet, muttered something beneath his breath about some people had younger legs and should use them more often, and strode to the door which he threw open.<\/p>\n For Adam it was a whole combination of feelings as he rode into the yard and for a while just sat in the saddle to look at the building. During those few moments his mind traced back to when he had first scribbled a plan down as to how the house would look, and how once he had tried to plan it with sticks that Hoss had broken down that had caused a fight between them. He sat and stared at the glazed windows, at the porch with Marie\u2019s big wooden planter close by and his eyes rose to see the smoke rising from the chimneys. He could smell food that was being cooked so he had arrived at a convenient time for everyone for at the smell his stomach grumbled to remind him it had been empty too long.<\/p>\n Memories flooded back and now here was the reality at last. Was it smaller than he remembered, yes, a little because he had been that much smaller when he had left it, but was it grander? Yes, because now the door was opening and Ben was standing there, his hands on his hips staring out as though daring whoever had ridden in to be anyone of whom he could possibly disapprove.<\/p>\n Adams throat tightened, he wanted to yell out an excited \u2018PA!\u201d but somehow the word wouldn\u2019t come so he dismounted from the saddle and tethered the horse, and then walked slowly all the distance across the yard to the porch.<\/p>\n Ben\u2019s face showed his emotions too clearly much to Adams amusement and pleasure. There was curiosity, doubt, incredulity, delight, realisation and then \u201cAdam! Adam, is it you, son?\u201d<\/p>\n Their feet barely touched the ground now as they hurried towards each other, Ben\u2019s hand on Adam\u2019s shoulder, then pulling him close to embrace him, then shaking his hand and the black eyes staring into his face. \u201cAdam – I can\u2019t believe it. I can\u2019t – why didn\u2019t you let us know you were coming?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI think I would have arrived about the same time as the mail, Pa.\u201d Adam smiled, shy now, and a little bashful, \u201cI – I thought I\u2019d surprise you.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019s a surprise alright.\u201d Ben said and stepped back \u201cLet me look at you.\u201d His face flushed with pride, pleasure but his mind said \u201cHe\u2019s grown so tall, as tall as me if not taller, and thin, he\u2019s too thin, Hop Sing will soon fatten him up. Home, I can\u2019t believe it, my boy;s home.\u201d<\/p>\n Behind Ben came the scurry of feet and Hoss was there, hurrying out of the door with a slight frown as he wondered why Ben was taking so long before coming back indoors, and then disbelief, a shout of pure joy \u201cAdam, Adam – you\u2019re back, you\u2019re home.\u201d<\/p>\n A bear hug, what else could he have expected from Hoss, a great bear hug and being twirled about the yard by this youth who was barely a head shorter than himself. Finally Hoss stopped and released him \u201cBy dadgumit Adam, you sure look scrawny. Come on in, Hop Sing was about to dish up supper.\u201d<\/p>\n Adam grinned and thought that no one could accuse Hoss of being scrawny, he was a big built strong lad by no mistake and he was about to comment such when he saw Joe. \u201cHi Joe, it\u2019s good to see you again, buddy.\u201d<\/p>\n He couldn\u2019t remember that his brother\u2019s voice was so deep, or that he was so tall and dark. His brother Adam had been different to this, the memory he had was of someone closer to the ground with a shock of curly black hair and freckles, he remembered the freckles because he had challenged himself to count them once when they were fishing and Adam had dozed off \u2026\u201dAre you really Adam?\u201d<\/p>\n His voice was thin, it seemed to cut the jollity and sober the mood, but Adam only smiled, and the dimples danced and he levelled himself down a little more and narrowed his eyes and stared at the little boy, \u201cSure, I\u2019m Adam. Are you really Joseph Francis Cartwright, that annoying pesky little brother of mine who always wanted me to tell him stories and take him fishing.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe looked him over thoughtfully, \u201cYou look different to my Adam.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cPeople change, Joe.\u201d Ben said quickly with his hand on Adam\u2019s shoulder and anxious to get inside to talk and just absorb the next few hours listening to all Adam had to say and tell them.<\/p>\n \u201cYou know,\u201d Adam said solemnly as he looked more closely at Joe \u201cI don\u2019t think you could be my pesky little brother. You\u2019re too tall. My brother Little Joe was down here somewhere -\u201d he lowered his hand to just above Joes\u2019 chest \u201cand he was fatter than you for sure, Hoss used to call him butterball.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHe didn\u2019t!\u201d Joe said but a smile hovered around his lips<\/p>\n \u201cHe did too .. I wonder where that fat little pest went.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe laughed now \u201cI ain\u2019t gone no place, I just growed.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou sure did \u2026that is, if you really are Little Joe.\u201d and Adam swooped him up into his arms and tossed him in the air and there was Hoss right by his side to catch him as Adam threw him over and then there was Hop Sing dancing about on the rug with his black eyes glinting with welcome home tears and delight.<\/p>\n Home \u2026<\/p>\n Chapter 20<\/p>\n There were a hundred and one questions that had to be asked and some tumbled out of their mouths all mixed up together, voices clashed, there was laughter as a result so Hoss just gradually quietened down and just sat eating his meal and raising his eyes to make sure his brother was still there sitting beside him. Sometimes he wanted to lean over and pinch him just to make sure, and then he thought perhaps he should pinch himself in case he was dreaming.<\/p>\n Eventually calm settled over them all while Ben said the prayer of thanksgiving for the food they were about to eat and for the safe home coming of his son. At the conclusion of the prayer his eyes glanced down at Adams hands and he immediately reached out to take hold of each one and turned them palm upwards. The callouses where blisters had once formed and hardened over were more than obvious, and upon looking at his sons nails he saw that they were torn, the knuckles skinned, \u201cThese aren\u2019t the hands of a scholar, Adam \u2026 what have you been doing since you left college?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAh well,\u201d Adam frowned and shrugged before rather anxiously pulling his hands free and taking a long drink from his glass, \u201cI had to work my passage home.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOn board ship? Around the Horn?\u201d Ben exclaimed, \u201cBut surely you had money enough to pay as a passenger?\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss looked from his father to Adam and raised his eyebrows, it always surprised him when people asked a question after the answer had already been given them. He looked at Adam and wondered what it was like having to work passage on a ship and could only assume it was a lot harder work than sitting cosy in a cabin all day.<\/p>\n \u201cWell, I needed to keep hold of what money I had for as long as I could.\u201d Adam answered slowly, \u201cIt wasn\u2019t until after Grandfather died that I found out that he had mortgaged the house. I knew he had sold the chandlers store long ago in order to pay for my education, he told me that right from the start. I knew he wasn\u2019t a wealthy man.\u201d his voice faltered and he looked down at the food on his plate, \u201cBut all those years I was in college \u2026\u201d he sighed, a long drawn out exhalation, and leaned back into his chair, \u201cHe never told me. I think he wanted to tell me before he died, perhaps he thought I was expecting some kind of inheritance upon his death but – well, I didn\u2019t – not after I\u2019d paid what was left of the mortgage and some few other small debts.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI didn\u2019t know he had sold the store \u2026\u201d Ben said, \u201cI guess it made sense, after all, he was not young when we left New England, he wouldn\u2019t have wanted to work there until he became incapable of doing so.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHe had hoped that the sale money, with interest from the bank, would be sufficient to fund my education. But during the time between the sale and my arrival there were other matters that had to be dealt with, which ate into those savings. Then, of course, fees increased and there were things he knew I\u2019d need \u2026\u201d he bowed his head and picked up his fork and pushed the food around the plate a little more, \u201cAnyway, that\u2019s why I had to work my passage home.\u201d he looked down at his hands which he turned over as though seeing them for the first time and then smiled although without humour \u201cI learned a lot, it was quite an experience.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAbel always was what we would have called \u2018canny\u2019 when it came to money,\u201d Ben said slowly, \u201cI\u2019m more than grateful to him for what he did for you.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHe said that he did it for my mother, he always promised her that her son would have an education in a good college. He was a proud man \u2026\u201d Adam\u2019s voice faltered a little and he firmed his lips and stared down at his plate in order to keep his emotions in check. It made Ben realise that his son, although a man, still had a tender heart.<\/p>\n Joe changed the subject by asking what it had been like being on the \u2018boat\u2019 and had there been storms and had it been exciting. Adam nodded \u201cYes, it was quite an adventure. But I wish the officers were not so harsh on the men, they would quite often hit them with their rattans, and once I had to watch while a man was flogged.\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss and Joe hissed in their breaths and Joe whispered \u201cFlogged, what does that mean?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHe was beaten with a whip, twelve lashes \u2026\u201d Adam replied, \u201cWe had to stand very quiet and watch it. Passengers were told to remain in their cabins but as I was part of the ships crew for the trip I had to take my place and see it. It\u2019s barbaric.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben nodded and sighed \u201cIt happens, with a good Captain it seldom does, but there are times when officers abuse their privileges of responsibility and over step the mark.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI agree. I think there will be trouble on that ship before too long, the men were very mutinous by the time they reached San Francisco. I was glad to disembark .. Well, for more than one reason.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAdam\u201d Hoss leaned forward \u201cDid you miss us, even jest a little bit?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cEvery day, Hoss, and more than jest a little bit.\u201d Adam smiled over at him and the smile that was returned was the best reward for the long arduous journey he could have wished for, \u201cI wrote so many letters, I hope you got some.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWe got some, probably not all \u2026\u201d Ben replied, \u201cSan Francisco is some distance to travel although we try to get there reasonably regular. You\u2019ll find a lot has changed since you left, Adam.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cIn what way? Indian trouble?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOn and off, mainly because of the miners – or as the Paiute call them, the diggers. The Washoe Paiute have just seemed to disappear, but the Bannocks come down and cause trouble among the Paiute even though Chief Truckee tries to keep them in order. His son, Winnemucca is all for driving the miners out of the land.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHave they caused any trouble here, on the Ponderosa?\u201d Adam looked at them anxiously, his eyes fell upon Joe who looked up and smiled with innocent delight in his eyes. \u201cWhy didn\u2019t you mention it in your letters?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cIt wasn\u2019t an issue here, and has only become one since more miners have come into the area.\u201d Ben muttered soberly and turned his attention to dishing out some potato onto his plate.<\/p>\n \u201cHey, Adam, did you see the cattle we got now?\u201d Hoss asked, his blue eyes lost in the folds of his cheeks as he grinned so widely.<\/p>\n \u201cI did.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cPa\u2019s decided to go into the cattle business as well as selling them horses.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben nodded \u201cWith so many people hereabouts the wild life is vanishing, I thought having prime home grown beef available would make sense for the other ranches as well as the diggings and Eagle Station.\u201d<\/p>\n Adam said nothing, he had never really thought about having cows on the Ponderosa, but it made sense and he smiled at Ben as though proud of his father\u2019s initiative. Joe piped up with the story of how a lot of the cows got frozen stiff during the winter and gradually the conversation veered along more familiar topics and away from the worrying aspects of Indian raids and Abel\u2019s financial problems.<\/p>\n Adam\u2019s first sight of the diggings came several days later when he managed to persuade Ben to let him accompany him. Ben had fussed rather which seemed to amuse Adam at first but gradually had him reminding his father that he was no longer a child so would he please stop treating him as one which rather shook the older man into agreeing even though in a rather disgruntled manner.<\/p>\n He watched as his son buckled one a gun belt and tied down the holster, and smiled when Adam reached out for his hat, \u201cAdam, do you actually know how to use a gun?\u201d<\/p>\n His son raised his head and the dark eyes darkened slightly, the well shaped lips formed a tight line \u201cI know how to use this, Pa. I didn\u2019t just sit behind a desk all day at college.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI only asked\u2026\u201d Ben said quietly and left the house frowning, it seemed his son had got himself all grown up in more ways than one over the years and he wondered what other surprises he\u2019d have in store for him as the days went by.<\/p>\n He smiled to himself as he saddled his horse at the pleasant evenings he had now, even though they had only been few, it had been a welcome change to share the darkening hours with Adam, talking over ranch matters, or listening to Adam letting him about college, about Abel and even about that ship\u2019s voyage home. They\u2019d chatted over the chess board, or just sat in silence reading.<\/p>\n As they had ridden closer to the mining camp Adam had turned repeatedly in the saddle this way and that, refraining from comment but noticing everything. Ben just stared ahead, his dark eyes preferring to look only at the things he wanted or needed to see.<\/p>\n \u201cHow do they get their provisions?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cA wagon goes to Eagle Station for them. They\u2019re not much, but they seem to get by on them.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhat about mail?\u201d<\/p>\n Ben grinned, his teeth flashed white against the dark skin \u201cNo mail man here yet, I\u2019m afraid, son\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cDoesn\u2019t seem to be much of anything here yet, except gold hungry men and a lot of hungry people\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYes, and it\u2019ll get worse before it gets better.\u201d Ben replied turning his horse to where the Doctor lived, \u201cRemember Dr Martin? He left here a month ago, we have a new doctor now, Dr. Hay.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhy did Dr Martin leave?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHe didn\u2019t have the time to drop by and tell me, Adam.\u201d Ben replied dryly.<\/p>\n Dr. Hay didn\u2019t have much time to spend talking to two healthy specimens of humanity, he shook their hands and asked them if everything was alright to which Ben replied he had one of his hands sick. \u201cWhat am I expected to do about that, Mr. Cartwright? I don\u2019t have the time to make house calls just yet. Can\u2019t you get someone to bring him in to see me?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cIf I have to I suppose -\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou\u2019ll have to, I\u2019m sorry, no alternative.\u201d Hay replied, pushing Ben aside to let a man with blood streaming from a head wound stagger by, he grabbed the mans arm and helped him into a seat. \u201cI\u2019m busy, so if you don\u2019t mind -\u201d<\/p>\n Adam raised his eyebrows and pursed his lips before glancing at his father who only nodded, and thanked Hay for his time. Back on the hard packed track that ran alongside the doctors place Ben looked up and down, then shrugged \u201cWell, so much for progress.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThis is progress?\u201d Adam replied looking around him and he shook his head, \u201cThis isn\u2019t progress, Pa, this is just a plain mess.\u201d<\/p>\n Chapter 20<\/p>\n Joe glanced up towards the stairs as his father came down pulling on his leather vest, beneath the table he gave Hoss a sharp kick to the leg which brought Hoss\u2019 attention from his plate to observe Ben who smiled, looked around the table and then frowned \u201cWhere\u2019s Adam?\u201d<\/p>\n Joe heaved in a deep breath but it was Hoss who said \u201cHe went out early.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhere? How early?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI don\u2019t know, Pa. He never said, he was already out of the door when I came down, jest said to tell you he\u2019d see you later.\u201d Hoss shrugged and lowered his head in order to feed himself faster.<\/p>\n \u201cJoe?\u201d Ben looked at the smallest Cartwright in the room and was awarded a smile \u201cI don\u2019t know either, Pa. I wasn\u2019t up even when he left.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben shook his head as though to toss away the black cloud that was beginning to hover and pulled out his chair, \u201cHe didn\u2019t give you any idea where he was going?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo, sir.\u201d Hoss mumbled and closed his ears to his father\u2019s sigh as Ben sat down and pulled his chair up to the table.<\/p>\n \u201cHad he eaten anything before he went?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYep.\u201d<\/p>\n Too bad for Hop Sing who got a list of questions fired at him as soon as he entered the room to set the plate of food before Ben and to each of them he shook his head until he got confused and said sharply \u201cI cook. I not ask questions. I cook. Make food. He eat I go. He go I clear up plate. All over now. I go. You eat now.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben sighed, looked over at his sons who were closely observing him, and stared down at his plate. For some reason he had expected, no, he had hoped, that his eldest son would hang around him like a leech, would not want to venture from his side,would be asking for his advice and exchanging ideas, not go disappearing without a word to anyone and by that, he meant himself, of course. The day was dry, hot and sunny, in fact the sun burned down relentlessly. Dust spiralled up from the paths between the makeshift cabins and tarpaulin tents. Adam rode slowly down what he assumed was the centre of this haphazard settlement, weaving in and out of the assortment of dwellings that littered the way. Finally he stopped outside the framework of what was going to be a decent looking timber frame house. He looked at it thoughtfully and then looked at the pile of lumber stacked on the ground beside it. He was still looking and thinking about what he was seeing when he felt something hard prod into his back.<\/p>\n \u201cYou step back from there right now, Mister.\u201d<\/p>\n He did so, carefully, and when a tall man walked round with a rifle in his hand and a scowl on his face they looked one another up and down before he said \u201cI was looking at the lumber you have there.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI know. I saw ya. You keep your thieving eyes off\u2019n it. I\u2019m being paid top dollar to make sure no one walks off with any of that.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWho\u2019d want it? Looks pretty cheap and flimsy to me.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou kidding me? That thar stuff would be worth its weight in gold for some of those miners. It would stop the tunnels falling on them for a start.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThen why don\u2019t they get lumber \u2026?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cBecause its too expensive. That lumber there came all the way from San Francisco, and the freight charges alone cost more than the wood itself. That\u2019s why I have to make sure no one runs off with it.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWho owns it then?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cMr and Mrs Stringer.\u201d he glanced over Adams shoulder as he spoke causing Adam to look back to see who was coming, \u201cThat\u2019s them now.\u201d<\/p>\n Mr and Mrs Stringer looked totally out of place as they picked their way through the dusty track between several tents, she was protecting herself from the sun by holding up a lacy trimmed parasol getting several ribald comments and shrill cat calls along the way as a result. They came to a stop in front of Adam and the rifle man. \u201cWho\u2019s this?\u201d Stringer asked, removing his hat and looking narrow eyed at Adam.<\/p>\n \u201cCaught him trying to run off with some of your lumber.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201c I was not -\u201d Adam snapped immediately.<\/p>\n \u201cThen what were you doing?\u201d Stringer asked, wiping his brow with a spotted handkerchief.<\/p>\n \u201cI was wondering where you got your lumber from and what you were charged. From what your – friend – says you were paying out too much money for haulage from \u2018Frisco. What are you building here anyway?\u201d<\/p>\n Mrs Stringer stepped forward now \u201cWe\u2019re building our home. We\u2019re going to settle here and start up a school.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cA school?\u201d Adam\u2019s eyes opened wide, then he looked at the frame of the building \u201cThat won\u2019t be big enough for a school.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhat would you know,\u201d Mr Stringer said \u201cI can\u2019t afford anything bigger, it\u2019ll have to be the best we can do for now, what with the price of timber, the haulage \u2026 you need to strike a bonanza here before you can even set down the foundations.\u201d<\/p>\n Adam removed his hat, inclined his head politely to the lady and smiled his most charming smile, \u201cMr Stringer, I think I have the answer to your prayers. Is there anywhere we can talk – privately?\u201d The horse was nodding over his shoulder as he sat on an upturned barrel scribbling notes on some paper, his brow creased in concentration. The day was drawing to a close now, and he knew that he needed to get back soon because his stomach was rattling around and he didn\u2019t want to miss another meal. When he stood up he found himself looking at a gangly thin young man with twinkling blue eyes and a huge grin on his face. \u201cYou ain\u2019t no miner.\u201d this young man said.<\/p>\n \u201cNor are you for the looks of things.\u201d Adam replied totalling his figures and dashing a line beneath them.<\/p>\n \u201cSo what are you doing here?\u201d the other youth leaned forward the grin still on his face, \u201cI bin watching you all day. You\u2019ve been walking all around the place haven\u2019t you? Even been down a mine or two, ain\u2019t\u2019tcha?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhat business is it of yours if I have?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNone,\u201d came the reply and he thrust out a large hand that seemed to fit with the size of him, \u201cMy names Ross, Ross Marquette. My folks want to settle here, get a ranch started up. I hear theres some ranches hereabouts already.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cSome.\u201d Adam replied tucking the notebook into his saddle bags and stroking his horses nose, \u201cI\u2019m Adam Cartwright, from the Ponderosa.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThe Ponderosa huh? Yeah, I heard of it.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou should get your folks to come over and speak to my Pa. He\u2019ll be able to tell them about ranching around here.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAnd you ? You ranching too?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAmong other things.\u201d Adam replied slipping his foot into his stirrup and mounting in to the saddle<\/p>\n \u201cWhat else do you do then?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m an architect \u2026 and I want to build houses, towns even.\u201d<\/p>\n Ross Marquette laughed, Adam thought he had never seen such teeth in his life before, but when Ross laughed he found himself chuckling along with him \u201cWhat\u2019s so funny?\u201d<\/p>\n Ross shrugged \u201cI dunno. Jest can\u2019t imagine anyone wanting to build a town hereabouts.\u201d<\/p>\n Adam glanced around him \u201cWell, I don\u2019t see why not.\u201d he leaned upon his saddle horn \u201cThere\u2019s people here, where there\u2019s people who are determined to stay, there\u2019ll be a town. The Ponderosa has timber, and I design buildings \u2026 there\u2019ll be a town here, one day.\u201d<\/p>\n Ross nodded and stepped back some paces to allow Adam to move the horse \u201cI reckon you will at that, you seem determined enough.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI am.\u201d Adam replied and with a tilt of the hat and a nod of the head he sent his horse into a canter towards home. He pushed open the door and removed his hat which he flipped onto the bureau, then leaned to remove his gun belt. From somewhere in the room the deep voice of his father bounced from wall to wall \u201cDo you mind telling me where you\u2019ve been all day?\u201d<\/p>\n He smiled up at Ben and although he could see from his father\u2019s face that he really had nothing to smile about he maintained it, however the twinkle in his eyes faded away.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019ve been to the diggings.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAll day?\u201d Ben thundered, \u201cALL DAY!!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cMmm, all day.\u201d he cleared his throat and tucked his hands into the back pockets of his pants, pursed his lips and narrowed his eyes as he looked at Ben \u201cI was thinking how we could use that timber on the hills to good use.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou were thinking were you? And were you thinking about what we would be thinking about with you gone traipsing off to who knows where?\u201d Ben blew himself up as tall as he could and his dark eyes blazed, \u201cThinking of using my timber were you?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cPonderosa pine, Pa.\u201d Adam forced his eyes to twinkle and he shrugged \u201cIt\u2019ll bring in good profits in no time at all. And there\u2019s already one commission, for a school. Joe can attend a real school.\u201d<\/p>\n From somewhere a thin voice wailed \u201cI don\u2019t wanner go to no school.\u201d<\/p>\n Adam shrugged again and went so far as to tap his father on the chest \u201cJust think, Pa, that\u2019s something Hoss and I never did, we never had the chance of a real school.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI don\u2019t wanner go to no school.\u201d Joe whined.<\/p>\n \u201cAnd not only that, it\u2019ll be the first building that I\u2019ll design and that\u2019ll be built with our very own wood. We\u2019ll need a saw mill of course, and we\u2019ll have to hire some men to deal with the timber.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou\u2019re thinking of cutting down my trees\u2026?\u201d Ben thundered his hands on his hips and his chest thrust out.<\/p>\n \u201cI don\u2019t wanner go \u2026\u201d Joe wailed and Ben turned round and snapped \u201cThat\u2019s enough, be quiet and go and sit at the table.\u201d<\/p>\n Throwing a mutinous scowl over at his father and brother Joe did as he was told, head handing low and his legs swinging back and forth beneath the table.<\/p>\n Adam produced his notebook and opened it to show Ben \u201cSee here, Pa \u2026 Mr and Mrs Stringer..\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWho?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThey want to teach at the school I\u2019m going to build them. This is the design. It\u2019s quite basic, it won\u2019t take too long. Did you know how much the haulage charges are they\u2019re paying for lumber? And several of the miners want timber for the mines, they need to be shored up. If they\u2019re shored up properly there won’t be so many cave ins, fewer injuries, less work for the doctors and all the time we\u2019ll be using our timber and according to my figures, if we charge a reasonable sum we should have paid for the saw mill within a few months.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben shook his head, rubbed his brow with his fingers and closed his eyes, then after counting more than ten he put his hand on Adam\u2019s shoulder, \u201cHow long have you been home, son?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cFour days.\u201d Adam replied his eyes still on his notepad and calculations whizzing about in his head.<\/p>\n \u201cFour days?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cUh-huh\u201d<\/p>\n Ben heaved in a long breath and shook his head, \u201cLet\u2019s go to the table and eat. I\u2019ve a headache coming on.\u201d<\/p>\n Chapter 21<\/p>\n Adam was somewhat perplexed at the heavy atmosphere that settled over them all during the meal, even Hoss and Joe were quieter than usual with Hoss casting anxious looks over at Adam and several times, when their eyes met, shaking his head and rolling his eyes. Joe looked glum and ate his food as noisily as possible so that eventually Ben snapped at him to eat with his mouth shut or not at all.<\/p>\n \u201cWell, I\u2019m not happy.\u201d Joe exclaimed casting down his fork and glaring over at Adam.<\/p>\n Ben\u2019s shoulders sagged as though his youngest sons woes were yet another burden for him to carry and the weight was just too much \u2026\u201dWhy not?\u201d he sighed.<\/p>\n \u201cI don\u2019t wanner go to school.\u201d Joe shrugged his shoulders up and down several times to emphasise the point and looked at his father \u201cPlease don\u2019t send me, Pa. I don\u2019t want to go away from the Ponderosa.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWho said anything about you going away?\u201d Hoss guffawed and dropped his potato on the floor as a result.<\/p>\n This was quite a novelty for Adam who had been absent from such familial exchanges for some time, he turned to look at Joe who was now red faced \u201cAdam went to school and he was gone years and years I don\u2019t wanner go away for years and years without seeing you all.\u201d and he promptly burst into tears.<\/p>\n This immediately provoked an outburst of laughter from Hoss and Adam which was promptly quelled by Ben barking \u201cThat\u2019s enough from the pair of you.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cJoe, you won\u2019t be going away for years and years -\u201d Adam smiled as he spoke and Hoss butted in to add his nickels worth \u201cShucks, shortshanks, you reckon anyone would even want you in their school for that long a time?!<\/p>\n The set the boy off to a fresh display of tears which prompted Ben to order him to his room so that howling now for really good effect Joe slid from his chair and ran upstairs. Adam frowned and stood up to get Ben turning to him \u201cWhere do you think you\u2019re going?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cTo talk to Joe, he\u2019s upset and -\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI know he\u2019s upset, and I know who\u2019s the cause of his being upset, so sit down, and eat your food while I go and explain things to him.\u201d<\/p>\n For a fraction of a second Adam remained as he was and then slowly subsided into his chair. He watched as Ben thudded his way across the floor and up to Joe\u2019s room, leaving his other sons watching him and then staring at one another \u201cWhat happened?\u201d Adam asked quietly<\/p>\n \u201cEr – well – you ain\u2019t forgot that Pa has a short fuse at times, had ya?\u201d Hoss asked lowering his eyes to look at his food.<\/p>\n \u201cSo? What has that to do with what just happened?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cPa\u2019s been kinda building up to it all day.\u201d Hoss shovelled food into his mouth in the hope that he didn\u2019t have to say anything else but Adam was nothing if not persistent, he had to ask \u2018Why?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWal\u201d Hoss scratched his head, \u201cYou didn\u2019t tell him whar you were going for a start, and then he got worried and no one knew whar you were, and he got past being worried and became annoyed and -\u201d he shrugged.<\/p>\n \u201cYou mean I have to ask permission to go anyplace?\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss shrugged, he disliked talking about his Pa in this way, to him it was perfectly natural to tell Ben where he was going and why, not that he went anywhere without Ben anyway. The fact that Adam had actually \u2018challenged\u2019 Ben on this point by his actions caused Hoss some discomfort.<\/p>\n Adam sighed and resumed his meal, when he had eaten enough he got up and tossed his napkin down onto the table \u201cHoss, will you tell our Pa that I\u2019m upstairs in my room.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cUh – huh – er – sure, Adam. Anything you say.\u201d<\/p>\n Adam practically tiptoed to his room and closed the door as quietly as possible. Four days home and suddenly things looked a little frayed around the edges. He walked to his desk and picked up Horatio Greenough\u2019s essay American Architecture which had been published in 1843 and a gift to him from his Grandfather. He then sat at his desk and after unrolling some paper upon its surface, he opened the book at the page he required.<\/p>\n Ben returned to the table with Joe dragging his feet behind him, he paused as he saw the empty chair and narrowed his eyes \u201cWhere\u2019s your brother?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cIn his room, Pa.\u201d<\/p>\n With a grunt Ben sat down to resume his now cold meal. Joe did likewise, scowling under his brows as he did so. Adam was immersed in his reading when there came an abrupt knock on the door and before he had the chance to say \u2018come in\u2019 it opened and Ben stood there, filling the frame as he did so \u201cWhat are you doing?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cReading.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI want to talk to you, privately, downstairs.\u201d<\/p>\n Adam frowned and slowly placed a marked in his book which he then closed and placed on the desk before getting to his feet. He followed his father downstairs, glanced at the clock when he reached the lower level and noticed that his brothers were nowhere to be seen \u201cWhere\u2019s Joe and Hoss?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cIn bed. It\u2019s late. They have to get up early in the morning to do their chores.\u201d Ben replied and stood in front of the hearth as though suddenly lost for words.<\/p>\n \u201cWas Joe alright after you\u2019d explained about school?\u201d Adam asked, bringing a hand up and sweeping it down the back of his head and then rubbing where as a result of doing so much reading he now had a \u2019crick\u2019 at the base of his skull.<\/p>\n \u201cHumph,\u201d was the only reply he got to that as Ben turned to face him \u201cAdam?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYes, sir.\u201d Adam smiled but his eyes didn\u2019t, even he had memories of discussions with his father in the past that he\u2019d prefer to forget, a tone of voice that warned of storms ahead.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019d – er – prefer it if you\u2019d let me know in future where you\u2019re going. It helps – er um – to know because -\u201d he shrugged and this time he swept his hand over the back of his head, no doubt to ease the headache he\u2019d claimed to have had before eating, it had obviously not gone away.<\/p>\n \u201cBecause?\u201d Adam slid into the blue chair and crossed his legs, his face upturned to look attentively at his father.<\/p>\n \u201cWell, there\u2019s work to do around a ranch this size, I had plans for you to work alongside us today, to check the cattle and to discuss the – er – fencing.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI see. I\u2019m sorry, I didn\u2019t realise.\u201d Adam frowned and then leaned forward \u201cBut, Pa, aren\u2019t you excited at the thought of what\u2019s happening here? That there are people moving here who would take the time to build a school and teach the children? That\u2019s what is really progress, surely?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThey can build a school in their own time and with their own funding, but -\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cBut what? What\u2019s wrong with helping them build that school? Don\u2019t you – I mean – do you object to me drawing up the plans for it or what?\u201d<\/p>\n Ben opened his mouth and closed it again, then he turned his back on his son and shook his head, \u201cThose miners will be gone – they won\u2019t stay – they\u2019re a nuisance and a problem. They\u2019ll continue to be such all the time they\u2019re here.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhy?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cBecause they\u2019re greedy and they\u2019re after gold. Adam, I can\u2019t believe that you took it upon yourself to promise OUR trees \u2026\u201d it was interesting Adam thought that Ben had referred to them as our trees while jabbing his thumb into his chest.<\/p>\n \u201cBut it makes sense, Pa. Our timber could build the whole town, should it ever grow into one\u2026 which doesn\u2019t seem to be what you want.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo, I don\u2019t want it. This was our dream, your mothers and mine, it wasn\u2019t for the whole world and his missus to come tramping through the wilds to join up with us!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cBut they\u2019re all chasing dreams of their own, Pa. Surely -\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAren\u2019t you listening to me, son? They want gold, they\u2019ll do anything to get their hands on it, they\u2019ll even come onto the Ponderosa for it if they can.\u201d<\/p>\n Adam shrugged \u201cWell, if they do we\u2019ll chase them off.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI don\u2019t want to waste my time chasing people off MY land.\u201d Ben\u2019s deep voice rose higher, he threw his arms in the air and then glared at Adam with his eyes so black that Adam gulped back anything he had thought to say to that last comment. \u201cThe timber stays where it is.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019ve already promised the Stringers lumber from our timber for the school. I\u2019m working on a design for it now. There\u2019s several mines that need shoring \u2026 I said \u2026\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou had no right to tell them anything, or promise them lumber from our trees.\u201d Ben shouted.<\/p>\n \u201cBut why not? It\u2019s not as if those trees are doing anything except standing there, growing\u2026 \u201c<\/p>\n \u201cExactly and that\u2019s what I want them to continue to do. I don\u2019t want them disturbed to make those miners comfortable with shoring from them, do you understand?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo, I don\u2019t\u201d Adam stood up, thrust out his chin and his eyes darkened \u201cNo, I don\u2019t understand.\u201d his voice was raised now, \u201cYou said, when we were in that miserable mud rotting hole, that this was progress \u2026\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI didn\u2019t mean it the way you obviously took it.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI knew what you meant when you said it, Pa. But it doesn\u2019t have to be that way. It – it means something to give to a community\u2026\u201d he raised his shoulders and shook his head as though struggling for the right words \u201cThey want their dreams to come true too, Pa.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNot on my doorstep.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI – Pa – you can\u2019t ignore them, they\u2019re not going to go away.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThey are NOT having my timber, or coming near my land.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThey are and they will, you can\u2019t stop a flood, Pa, but you can prevent it spilling over onto YOUR land. Look -\u201d he lowered his voice, once again swept his hand over the back of his head and heaved in his breath \u201cLook, we can get a saw mill set up in the woods, get skilled timber men to cut them down and -\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhere do you intend getting skilled timber men here?\u201d Ben almost sneered and then turned away at the look on his son\u2019s face.<\/p>\n \u201cThere are some men already prepared to be hired for the work, Pa. They can\u2019t handle mining, they want the sky above their heads and daylight during their days, not grovelling down in a hole. They said -\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou\u2019ve arranged this already, without asking me?\u201d<\/p>\n Adam stepped back and frowned \u201cI didn\u2019t realise I had to ask permission for that, I thought you would trust me to make some decisions, isn\u2019t that what I spent all those years in college for? To design buildings for this township? To build them with our timber?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAdam, I\u2019m warning you, you\u2019ve just about gone too far\u2026.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cToo far in what? I don\u2019t understand you, Pa? What exactly is it that you want from me?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI want you to help me build up the Ponderosa, to make it the best and – and most productive ranch in this territory.\u201d Ben hissed, leaning now towards his son, \u201cDo you understand that?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cBut what is the point of being the best and most productive if there isn\u2019t anyone around to compare with? No man can be an island, Pa, not now, not when there are so many other people making their way to your front door.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAre you lecturing me?\u201d Ben growled, his eyes now blazing and his face getting redder while the veins stood out on his forehead and neck.<\/p>\n \u201cI don\u2019t intend to be lecturing you, Pa. I just don\u2019t understand why you\u2019re being so – so pig headed\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cPIG HEADED!!!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAlright, stubborn then \u2026\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAdam Cartwright, that\u2019s quite enough. Quite enough. Just get up those stairs to your room right now.\u201d a flung out arm, finger pointed to the stairs.<\/p>\n Adams lips firmed into a tight line but he turned on his heel and then, halfway across the distance to the stairs he stopped, turned \u201cPa, those timber men will show us how to protect the trees, they said that when you chop one down you just plant more .. That way the trees keep on growing and getting stronger because they\u2019ll grow where there\u2019s light and -\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAdam – before I lose my temper -\u201d<\/p>\n Adam grimaced and shrugged \u201cI thought you already had.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben\u2019s lips now tightened into a such a firm line it was obvious he wasn\u2019t going to swallow the only bug in the territory \u2026 he watched Adam make his way, slowly, upstairs and then with a sigh made his way to his chair into which he slumped, head bowed and aching.<\/p>\n Hop Sing peered around the wall of the kitchen \u201cIt all quiet now? No more scream and shout?\u201d<\/p>\n Upstairs Joe had already crept into Hoss\u2019 bed with his hands over his ears and not to cut out Hoss\u2019 snoring, he had never heard his father rage in such a way nor his brother shouting back. He wished more than ever that Adam hadn\u2019t gone away for all that time and then wondered if perhaps it wouldn\u2019t be such a bad idea if school did mean absence from home.<\/p>\n In his room Adam sat by his desk, picked up pen and ruler and began to draw the outline of the building for the school. Then he put it down, his shoulders slumped and he buried his face in his hands. After all these years of learning his trade, what was he supposed to do when his own father seemed determined to prevent it. He felt like a bird with clipped wings \u2026<\/p>\n Chapter 22<\/p>\n As soon as the sound of a horse cantering into the yard was heard Adam was on his feet and at the door to pull it open. Ross Marquette dismounted so fast that his long gangly legs nearly tripped him over as he hurried to where his friend waited and called out to him \u201cWell, did you find him?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo, Adam\u201d Ross was breathing hard, taking deep gulps of air proving for a certainty the haste in which he had been riding \u201cI went to the diggings but they haven\u2019t seen Dr. Hay, I asked everyone I met \u2026\u201d he wiped his forehead on his sleeve and shook his head \u201cAdam, it\u2019s crazy, trying to get a doctor hereabouts -\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cRoss, you\u2019ve got to find him, Hoss needs a doctor -.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI know that -\u201d Ross snapped, and then seeing the distress on Adams face grabbed at his arm, \u201cLook, my horse is just about tired out, what if I get a fresh mount and try some of the homesteads and ranches around here?\u201d<\/p>\n Adam looked at him with a momentary gleam in his eyes which faded almost immediately, he shook his head \u201cNo, there\u2019s no point in killing yourself, you could be chasing all over the territory and never find him. I sent one of the men south wards, he\u2019s covering up as far as Eagle Station but I have little hope of him finding him that far.\u201d he bit down upon his bottom lip and looked at Ross, \u201cThanks, Ross, you\u2019ve done more than I would have asked.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI know but I don\u2019t like the thought of Hoss being so ill and – and being so unable to help. You sure there ain\u2019t nothing else I can do.\u201d<\/p>\n Adam forced a smile albeit without warmth or mirth and slapped his friend on the arm \u201cNo, you\u2019ve done more than enough. You\u2019d best get home or your Ma will be getting worried.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAt my age?\u201d Ross grinned but then cast a look up at the stairs \u201cHow\u2019s he doing right now?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHolding his own. He\u2019s tough, he\u2019ll fight this thing \u2026\u201d Adam drew a hand over his mouth and bowed his head, then straightened up to face his friend \u201cThanks again.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019ll ride by tomorrow \u2026\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cSure, fine..\u201d<\/p>\n He closed the door as soon as Ross had stepped outside and then stood there for a moment, leaning against the bureau and his head hung low as he stared at the rug witout even really seeing it, then as though giving himself a mental shake he braced himself for yet another test of endurance.<\/p>\n Hop Sing stood up from the chair as soon as Adam stepped into the room, he nodded and then looked down upon the bed where Hoss lay \u201cHe sleeping now. He sleep much – need sleep. You sleep too.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo, Hop Sing, I can\u2019t \u2026 not just now.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThen I make coffee. You stay. I go. You have coffee keep awake more.\u201d<\/p>\n Adam nodded and took the seat Hop Sing had just left and drew it closer to his brother\u2019s bedside. For a moment he stared at Hoss\u2019 face and then put his hand gently upon his shoulder \u201cHoss?\u201d<\/p>\n The youth lay very silent apart from the wheezing that came from his chest, the struggle to breathe was so obvious that it tore Adam\u2019s nerves to shreds and his face contorted with all the conflicting emotions a person feels watching a loved one suffering. \u201cHoss?\u201d<\/p>\n The eyelids of the sick young man flickered, his eyes barely opened but there was some movement before they closed down again. Adam grabbed at one of Hoss\u2019 hands \u201cYou crazy idiot, Hoss Cartwright, why\u2019d you go do a dumb fool ass thing like that? Didn\u2019t you stop to think you could get yourself into trouble?\u201d<\/p>\n The wheezing continued and Adam held hold of Hoss hand in both of his, bowed his head, and willed his brother to open his eyes and be better. A miracle was what he wanted, surely, just one little miracle wouldn\u2019t do no harm, not when it meant saving Hoss?<\/p>\n Hop Sing entered the room with a tray which he set down. He looked down at Hoss and felt his brow \u201cHot.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cToo hot, Hop Sing.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cFever last too long.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI know that -\u201d the words were snapped out, and then he felt ashamed, it wasn\u2019t Hop Sings fault, he apologised but his eyes didn\u2019t leave his brothers face, \u201cHop Sing, Ross couldn\u2019t find the doctor. What can we do? Isn\u2019t there anything else we can do that will help him?\u201d<\/p>\n I give him more medicine, make fever not so hot.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHe will get better, won\u2019t he?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHe strong, strong like ox, he fight hard \u2026he get better quick quick.\u201d Hop Sing assured the young man and placed a gentle hand on his shoulder \u201cYou not worry now.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI can\u2019t help but worry, how do you expect me to stop?\u201d Adam muttered and glanced over his shoulder at the mans retreating figure, the door closed and he was left alone in the room with his brother wheezing and sweating in bed.<\/p>\n Why now? Adam shook his head, why did Hoss have to fall ill now? In fact why did Pa have to decide to take Little Joe all the way to New Orleans now? He shook his head, it was actually four weeks since they left, he could recall how excited Joe was, hopping about on one foot and then the other and then begging his father to hurry up and Ben giving his last minute instructions of things to do, things not to do, not to interfere with this or that and to leave the other alone as well. Adam remembered wishing they would both just go because they were making his head reel.<\/p>\n Hoss had been excited as well, even though he wasn\u2019t going anywhere. Ben had asked him along with them but Hoss didn\u2019t want to go anyplace, he wanted to stay where he had his heart, and New Orleans just didn\u2019t appeal to him at all, especially as it was just to see some old folk related to Joe\u2019s Ma who wouldn\u2019t have a nickels worth of interest in him. Ben had assured him that they would be visiting old friends of his as well, but Hoss had shaken his head and staunchly declared that Adam needed someone on the Ponderosa to keep him on the straight and narrow.<\/p>\n Then they had gone, ridden out of the yard with a wave of the hand and that was it. Hoss had grinned and draped his arm across Adam\u2019s shoulders \u201cFishing?\u201d<\/p>\n Adam had grinned back \u201cYeah – fishing. I know just the perfect place -\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNot that pool down by the two rocks -\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cSure, that\u2019s just the best place in the world to fish.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAnd swim.\u201d<\/p>\n Four weeks ago, it seemed just like yesterday, and no way now of letting Pa know how ill Hoss was, and how much he was needed back home.<\/p>\n He stood up to stretch his legs and bent his back to get out the kinks, poured out coffee and carried the cup to the window so that he could look over to the hills. He narrowed his eyes and followed the line of trees right to where they stopped growing. Well, they had their saw mill now, and good men, experienced in tree felling and logging set up in a camp among the trees.<\/p>\n It was odd how quickly Ben had come around to the idea once he had met some of the men. Once they had explained what could be done and how the trees could be preserved by sensible and selective logging he had appreciated the benefits both financially and environmentally. The initial outlay cost but it soon brought in returns<\/p>\n Adam turned his attention back to the bed where Hoss was stirring, but when there was no change he returned his gaze to the hillside. He had had the pleasure of seeing his design for the school being used and Mr and Mrs Stringer taking their place as the teachers in residence at the diggings. Joe had been made to attend and hated it as he had promised them he would\u2026but he had gone and benefited by it despite his ability to find trouble and create mischief.<\/p>\n That had been some years back and somehow – Adam bit his lip and frowned, somehow life had become so busy on the Ponderosa that apart from several designs drawn up for buildings at the diggings that were currently still on his desk there had been no architectural work at all.<\/p>\n A movement and Hoss\u2019 voice called out for Pa. A spasm of coughing and then again \u2018Pa?\u201d<\/p>\n Adam hurried back to the bedside and was there before Hoss had opened his eyes, stared blankly at Adam and mouthed his name, then the eyes had closed again, but his hand held tightly to his brothers. Hop Sing came in and with Adam\u2019s help managed to pour some liquid down his throat. \u201cWill that help?\u201d Adam asked and got a withering look back in answer.<\/p>\n He resumed his position in the chair and watched as Hoss\u2019 laboured breathing seemed to echo round the room, he wiped his brothers\u2019 brow and around his neck with the cloth and water that Hop Sing brought up, and he sat and waited, his eyes seldom leaving sight of his charge.<\/p>\n He slipped back to thinking about his ambitions when he had returned home several years back; he was going to design and build houses, banks, town halls\u2026 he was going to have an office in town but that he hadn\u2019t even bothered to suggest that to his father, there had been no point. He thought of the designs he had drawn up already, and wondered if they would actually ever be used.<\/p>\n The diggings were worse than ever, more and more people pouring in, of all nationalities, cultures, social classes. The Stringers had moved away when Mrs Stringer caught a rather unpleasant illness from one of the miners and they had had a succession of teachers since then, the last one, Miss Abigail Jones, seemed to have become a rather permanent feature though.<\/p>\n They were selling their lumber for shoring in the mines, and there were the timber frame buildings going up, even a mercantile store but nothing that required Adam\u2019s expertise.<\/p>\n What had happened to his ambition? His hopes? Dreams? He leaned forwards as Hoss mumbled something , and then wrung out the cloth to wipe around his brothers face, and murmur words of comfort and reassurance.<\/p>\n He had realised that to become a real architect would have meant going to San Francisco, working in an office there to become ‘established’ and when the Washoe Diggings were ready for him then he would return and design the wonderful buildings it would deserve. Or he could have returned to Boston of course \u2026 but he couldn\u2019t, he couldn\u2019t leave the Ponderosa then, anymore than he could now.<\/p>\n Ben had been right when he had said the miners would encroach on their land, it seemed to be a constant fight to repel them back to where they belonged. They seemed to swarm all over the Ponderosa and they were constantly chasing them off.<\/p>\n There was oversight of the lumber camp and being involved with the timber, and there was cattle who had calves that needed branding and then the horses, the list just went on and on.<\/p>\n \u201cAdam?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m here, Hoss, it\u2019s alright, you\u2019re not alone.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhat\u2019s wrong with me?\u201d<\/p>\n Adam frowned \u201cI\u2019m not sure, couldn\u2019t get hold of a doctor but Hop Sing reckons it\u2019s some kind of pneumonia.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHuh? How\u2019d that happen?\u201d Hoss wheezed.<\/p>\n \u201cThe other day when you insisted on staying out in the rain and then fell and cracked your head so you were spread eagled out in the field most of the day before I realised you were missing \u2026 well, we reckon you got ill from that\u2026\u201d he paused, and rubbed his face, \u201cIt was my fault, Hoss. I should have stayed with you to help but there was so much else to do, I thought I\u2019d get back to you before mid-day and then it started raining.\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss frowned and stared up at the ceiling \u201cShucks, dad blast it, I remember now, it rained so hard I thought I\u2019d best get back home and that was when I fell and cracked my head.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou can remember doing that?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cSure, clear as day. One minute I was plodding through that mud and the next my feet went from under me and I was flat on my back\u2026 and then I woke up and saw you standing over me.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cTook me forever to get you up on that horse, you big galoot.\u201d Adam grinned at the memory, struggling to get Hoss off the ground was one thing, but when it was mud and his feet were going every which way possible while Hoss was dead weight in his arms and no one near by to help. It had been a nightmare.<\/p>\n Hoss closed his eyes \u201cI\u2019m tired, Adam, sure am mighty tired.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cGet some sleep, brother.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAdam – I\u2019m sure glad you\u2019re back home with us y\u2019know.\u201d his eyes were closed, he was drifting off but a smile widened across his face \u201cI missed you when you was away.\u201d<\/p>\n Adam felt his throat tighten, he couldn\u2019t find the words, he hugged his brothers hand against his chest and screwed up his eyes so the tears would not flow. Hoss sighed deeply, long drawn out and wheezy. \u201cI missed you, Adam.\u201d<\/p>\n He squeezed Hoss\u2019s hand and waited until his brother had slipped back into sleep. For a while he sat there before slowly leaning back into his chair. This was another reason why he had stayed, he loved them, all of them, loved them so much he could no more leave than pigs could fly.<\/p>\n He looked around Hoss\u2019 room, he could remember when they had planned it out, pacing out the width and breadth, and then plastering the walls and cutting out the windows. An age ago, a time before Joe was born, before Marie \u2026<\/p>\n Hop Sing entered the room and looked at the two young men, Hoss in the bed sleeping more calmly and Adam in the chair, eyes closed, head low upon his chest his breathing deep and steady. Hop Sing smiled and went to the window, drew across the drapes and then put a match to the lamps in order to bring light to the room.<\/p>\n It was another 24 hours before Hoss was free from the fever, but it took a while longer for him to regain his strength. Adam bore the brunt of the work, the chores, the ledger keeping\u2026 if he thought at all about building houses it was only in his dreams, if he had any, most nights he crawled into his bed and fell deeply asleep from sheer exhaustion and the mornings always came far too quickly.<\/p>\n In New Orleans little Joe Cartwright played mud pies with a little girl called Laura. The sun shone and the buildings hemmed him in and if it wasn\u2019t for the thought of returning to that terrible Miss Abigail Jones he would have given anything to get back home. After all, it just wasn\u2019t the thing a boy should do \u2026 playing with a girl!<\/p>\n Chapter 23<\/p>\n Among the litter of tents, shanty cabins and a few timber framed buildings with their tall false fronts the school house remained a neat and tidy environment for the children to gather in order to be taught. Various teachers had come and gone since Adam had designed it for the Stringers and Joseph Cartwright had taken his seat among the children from the mining camps, and those from the homesteads and ranchs that were settling into the area.<\/p>\n It was a tremendously hard life for every family there, whether toiling underground and subsequently heaving their lungs up from the tuberculosis, bronchitis or other pulmonary desease as a result, or fighting the land to bring order to it, to clear the trees away, to plant crops that died in the first season, to get cattle to thrive and breed. But the obligation remained that the children were the front line of a new generation and education was a necessity.<\/p>\n Joseph Cartwright formed a number of friends while at school, mostly from the families of the ranchers and homesteaders. Some of these friendships would endure into adulthood while others would dwindle over time.<\/p>\n One day he arrived at school with his lunch pail full of Hop Sings goodies and his books slung over his shoulder. He was late which was not unusual as he had furthest to travel and had dallied on the way. On this particular morning he found the playground empty and pushed the door open with some timidity. He had been told the previous Friday that a new teacher was starting this particular day and as far as he was concerned, a teacher was – well – just a teacher.<\/p>\n Miss Abigail Jones was a young woman who was old before her time. As she stood before her class and looked at the faces staring back at her she wondered, not for the first time, just what she had let herself in for by coming to this rough mining camp to teach their children. She glanced over at the boy hurrying in from outside and watched as he closed the door and hurried to an empty seat \u201cYou\u2019re late.\u201d<\/p>\n Her voice snapped around the room in the way an elastic band snaps back when stretched to its maximum and then released. Joe froze and looked at her \u201cI have longest to come, and -\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI won\u2019t have excuses. In future you make sure you arrive at the proper time or you will have detention.\u201d<\/p>\n He stared at her and blinked, then smiled charmingly \u201cI\u2019m real sorry, Ma\u2019am.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cSit down. What\u2019s your name?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cJoseph Cartwright,, Ma\u2019am.\u201d he fluttered his eyelashes and smiled again, freckles peppered his cheeks and his hazel eyes were large and twinkled.<\/p>\n Miss Abigail Jones stared at him, \u201cIt\u2019s Miss Abigail Jones. You will address me in future as Miss Jones.\u201d<\/p>\n He sat down and felt a nudge of the foot from the boy seated next to him, they exchanged a roll of the eyes. Miss Abigail Jones once again surveyed her class and then after introducing herself briefly began their first lessons together.<\/p>\n A few months ago she had been teaching school in Philadelphia, rows of neatly clad boys and girls in perfectly ironed uniforms, girls with their ribbons and white aprons, and boys with their hair neatly combed and their shirts and pants crisp and clean. Here she had a motley assembly of children dressed in all manner of attire. The majority of children from the tents and cabins were bare footed, dirty, snotty nosed and their clothes were either too big or too small and certainly not clean. On some of the worst she could imagine the fleas and even perhaps, lice, hopping about their clothing and bodies.<\/p>\n The children of the homesteaders and ranchers were turned out a little better, and she could see that those with more financial clout were the better dressed, wore sturdy boots and as she could see when she looked outside came to school on plump ponies. The girls wore pretty dresses and ribbons in their braids, the boys dungarees and tidy shirts.<\/p>\n She was 21 years old now and had been teaching school since qualifying at the age of 16. She had never dallied with a boy, nor had a romance. Her life was dedicated to education and when she read about these \u2018frontier\u2019 schools she felt it was a calling with as much fervour as a missionary seeing the need to travel to Africa and teach in mud huts there.<\/p>\n As she raised her head to look at the children before her she wondered if that would have been the better option\u2026 rows of little black children from mud huts eagerly learning under her tutelage.<\/p>\n Some stifled laughter from the back row and she looked up and rose to her feet, \u201cJoseph Cartwright?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYes, M\u2019am, Miss Jones, I mean.\u201d Joe stood up politely.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat are you doing?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m – I\u2019m doing my work like what you said.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cLike how I told you\u2026\u201d she corrected primly.<\/p>\n \u201cYes, Miss, like what you told me.\u201d<\/p>\n She looked at him, innocent of face, blank expression, lips twitching. She scowled and nodded and watched as he sat down. The lesson was a short essay on who they were, and where they lived, a form of introduction to her of each pupil. The smaller children were to copy their A.B.C from the board onto their slates. She was already longing for the day to come to an end.<\/p>\n The week dragged for everyone, pupil and teacher alike and wasn\u2019t helped by the heat that particular summer. Joe had already had his slingshot confiscated, been made to stand in the corner twice due to some misdemeanour or other. Other pupils had also been punished after all Abigail Jones strove to be fair.<\/p>\n Friday afternoon and the end of the first week. Miss Jones sat at her desk primly rolling her pen between her fingers while Joe sat on the bench seat in front of her. She waited for the footsteps of the boys father to fulfill her expectations of an elderly man who would, having a son like Little Joseph, be worn with anxiety and worry. When she looked up she found herself watching a tall dark haired young man walking confidently towards her, hat in hand and a slight smile on his face.<\/p>\n She watched him and it seemed as though he were floating on air towards her\u2026 his smile widened, white teeth and dimpled cheeks made an impression upon her mind, dark brown eyes like rich molasses and honey beneath long lashes and curling black hair\u2026 she had to put a hand on her heart to stop it thumping so fast.<\/p>\n \u201cMiss Jones?\u201d Adam repeated her name for the third time and leaned forward, his hand outstretched as though to touch her shoulder, it hovered slightly but she seemed to come out of her daze before it could do so. He bit down on his lip, Joe sure must have done something terrible for her to be like this, he glanced over at his brother who just rolled his eyes and shook his head.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m sorry, Mr. Cartwright ..you are Mr Ben Cartwright, this boys\u2019 father?\u201d her voice was shrill, she cleared her throat.<\/p>\n \u201cNo, Miss Jones, I\u2019m this boys elder brother. Adam.\u201d he stretched out his hand \u201cAdam Cartwright.\u201d<\/p>\n His long fingers curled around her hand, the pressure was slight before his hand fell away, and he was smiling at her again in a way that made those confounded dimples seem absolutely – wonderful.<\/p>\n \u201cOh \u2026 I see. Mr. Adam Cartwright.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYes, Miss Jones. That\u2019s right.\u201d he cleared [i]his[\/i] throat now, and twisted his hat round and round between his fingers \u201cEr – I\u2019ve come to see about Joe? You sent a note to my Pa to ask him to see you but he sends his apologies as he was unable to keep the appointment due to a prior engagement. I hope you don\u2019t mind my coming in his place?\u201d<\/p>\n She had to hold onto the desk for support and smiled, then remembered he was expecting a reply so nodded \u201cwell, of course not, these things happen after all. I\u2019m – I\u2019m de – I mean – I\u2019m very pleased to meet you, Mr. Cartwright.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAbout Joe.?\u201d he turned slightly from the waist to observe his brother and then resumed his gaze upon her, \u201cWhat\u2019s he done this time?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHe -\u201d she paused and looked at Joe who was now standing beside his brother, looking sorrowful and woebegone. \u201cPerhaps you\u2019d like to tell your brother, Little Joseph?\u201d<\/p>\n Joe cringed, he hated the way she called him that, he bowed his head \u201cI was chasing the girls \u2026\u201d<\/p>\n Adam raised his eyebrows, Miss Jones lips narrowed and she raised her eyebrows as well \u201cGo on, Little Joseph, the whole story now\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI was chasing Amy and Sarah with water from the trough. Mitch and I were going to throw it over them, they said they were too hot and we thought it would be fun to cool them down.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cContinue\u2026\u201d Miss Jones snapped, staring at him because the brown eyes of the elder brother were having a very strange effect upon her, she could feel her head swimming.<\/p>\n \u201cAmy fell over, I fell over Amy and the water went over Miss Jones instead. It was an accident.\u201d he mumbled with his head still bowed although for some reason his shoulders were shaking.<\/p>\n There was silence for some moments, Adam Cartwright tugged at his ear lobe, and then twitched his shoulders back \u201cI – er – I think you owe your teacher an apology, Joe.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI said sorry at the time.\u201d Joe snapped back his lips thin.<\/p>\n Adam coughed into his hand and looked away, then straightened his back and looked at Miss Jones \u201cWhat punishment has he already received, M\u2019am?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHe had several strokes of the ruler across his hand but \u2026\u201d she looked at him and blinked, \u201cHe has several times disrupted the class \u2026\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOh!\u201d Adam raised his eyebrows higher.<\/p>\n \u201cHe\u2019s brought his sling shot to school and used it on – on school premises.\u201d she folded her hands primly in her skirts.<\/p>\n Adam looked at Joe and shook his head \u201cJoseph.\u201d he said in a sorrowful kind of voice which made Joe wince.<\/p>\n \u201cI thought I should just let you know, Mr. Adam – I mean – Mr. Cartwright, that your son – brother – really needs a most firm hand.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cBelieve me,\u201d Adam jiggled his hat a little in between his hands, \u201cI\u2019m more aware of that fact than you\u2019ll ever know.\u201d he smiled at her, head to one side, eyes slightly narrowed.<\/p>\n \u201cSo – you will see that he has some form of discipline when he arrives home?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI can assure you he will.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThank you, Mr. Cartwright.\u201d<\/p>\n He nodded, smiled, and grabbed his brother by the shoulder \u201cC\u2019mon, Joseph, quick march.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe glanced up at him and frowned, his brothers fingers had really tightened on his flesh, it had hurt. When Miss Jones called after them Joe actually saw a gleam of panic on his brother\u2019s face, then thought perhaps he had imagined it as Adam turned towards the teacher with a smile on his face, \u201cMiss Jones?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cLittle Joseph told me you enjoy reading poetry?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHe did?\u201d the grip on Joe\u2019s shoulder tightened – traitor it seemed to say – but the smile remained fixed on his face.<\/p>\n \u201cI – I really love poetry, and the classics – Milton, Shakespeare, Francis Bacon \u2026\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOh yes, mmm, well \u2026\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cPerhaps, some time or other, we can discuss our mutual likes together.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe didn\u2019t believe it possible but his big brother was at a loss for words, he assumed that the case as Adam didn\u2019t reply right away and then suddenly let out a kind of shuddering \u2018Hahaha ,well, yes perhaps we could \u2026sometime.\u201d<\/p>\n By the time Joe reached his pony and Adam had him by the scruff of the neck and seat of the pants and hauled him into the saddle he knew he was in for trouble.<\/p>\n Miss Jones sunk down upon her seat by her desk\u2026 was this love? This feeling that engulfed her now? The shaking knees, the tremulous heart beat, the colour and heat of her cheeks. She raised a hand to cool them for they were ice cold\u2026 and she remembered the feel of his fingers around hers, the way he smiled. She felt as though her body were on fire \u2026 A rather corpulent man raised a hand to stop Adam and Joe going too far, he was well dressed in a tailored suit, and looked totally out of place in his surroundings. Adam glanced around him as though to find out a reason as to how this gent had managed to stroll around with a gold watch on a gold chain across his ample vest without having been assaulted and robbed. Several other men stood at a discreet distance with low slung gun belts, so, he thought, that answered that question. He looked down at the other man \u201cYou wanted something?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou Adam Cartwright?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI am.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cStudied Architectural Engineering ?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhat of it?\u201d Adam narrowed his eyes and looked about him again, \u201cWho\u2019s asking?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cJonas Armstrong, sir. I\u2019m an architect myself, my offices are in Maine.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou\u2019re a long way from home, Mr. Armstrong.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI wondered if we could get together sometime, and talk?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAbout?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cBuilding.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHere do you mean?\u201d Adam quirked an eyebrow, he could see Joe getting fidgety and wanting to get off home, he looked at Armstrong again.<\/p>\n \u201cWhy not here? People need homes. Banks. Offices.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cTrue enough. Do you aim to build them?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cIn time. Will you meet me tomorrow?\u201d<\/p>\n Adam stared at him and ran his tongue around the inside of his mouth, he shook his head \u201cI won\u2018t be here tomorrow, I have to take some horses to Fort Ransom.\u201d<\/p>\n Armstrong nodded slowly \u201cA pity.\u201d he shrugged \u201cPerhaps another time.\u201d<\/p>\n Adam watched as the other man turned away, paused to take a cigar from his pocket and thrust it between his jaws. He shook his head, another opportunity lost, he looked at Joe who was scowling at him and nodded, time to go home. It had been a long time coming.<\/p>\n Chapter 24<\/p>\n In 1859 gold was discovered, a real Bonanza that was to become world famous as the Comstock Lode, yielding bullion to the tune of millions of dollars. More and more people flooded into the Washoe and the diggings finally had a name to call its own, Virginia City.<\/p>\n Armstrong, Struthers & Co. Ltd, Architects, flourished and prospered as much as many of the miners during that time. Some architects arrived and set up rival companies, some became miners themselves and some never found that elusive vein in their mines but died among their contempories.<\/p>\n As the town expanded there was a call for more schools and Miss Jones, who had left to teach elsewhere, returned to teach in the very building that Little Joe had attended. Her hopes of setting eyes on the man she cherished in her heart were often thwarted now that there were no longer any need for his brothers discipline to be discussed.<\/p>\n Joseph Cartwright was 17 years of age and watched the changes taking place with wonderment. His father viewed it with dread but realism, as someone had once said, no one can stop a flood, especially when humanity was concerned.<\/p>\n Life on the Ponderosa was one of sheer hard work, long hours and often times exhaustion. There were times when death was a constant feature, during the time of the Truckee Strip incident there was quite bloody conflict resulting in misery and death. When Bishop sold his property it was to a family called Jessop who would become a future thorn in the Cartwrights flesh.<\/p>\n Adam and Hoss Cartwright noticed the changes as they walked along the boards, each time they came to town there was something new to report. The Bucket of Blood was a going concern now, a building with large windows and fancy gold lettering, far removed from the tarpaulin tent of years previously. They stopped to watch as a carriage drove by pulled by two white horses, perfectly matched, the couple who drove by nodded and raised a hand before passing on.<\/p>\n \u201cHe owns the biggest mining corporation in town now,\u201d Adam muttered to Hoss, and rubbed his chin as though it was a matter of some concern.<\/p>\n \u201cGuess this is what they call progress, Adam.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThey can call it what they like, it doesn\u2019t make life any easier for us.\u201d his brother retorted, \u201cThey\u2019ll want to get onto the Ponderosa soon, mark my words, Hoss.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYeah, but – why?\u201d<\/p>\n Adam looked at his brother and shook his head, then hooked his thumbs over his vest pockets \u201cBecause we have silver and gold on our land and they\u2019ll want to mine it.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAh, right, of course, I see what you mean.\u201d Hoss glanced up the street, \u201cThere\u2019s Amanda and Sally Ridley, reckon on going to speak to \u2018em?\u201d<\/p>\n Adam shook his head, \u201cNo, let\u2019s go on in and get a drink before we get on with business.\u201d<\/p>\n The saloon was busy, as were most of the saloons in town, and they had to use their elbows to get to the counter and order their drinks. \u201cThings sure change,\u201d Hoss sighed, \u201cI remember when I used to come here and weren\u2019t no one in sight.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhich was fortunate for you seeing as how you sneaked in underneath the canvas because Pa wouldn\u2019t let you come here.\u201d Adam tossed money onto the counter and turned, a glass of beer in his hand. He raised it to his lips as his eyes cast around for a table at which to sit, he nudged Hoss and nodded over to a table in the corner to which they both pushed their way through to sit .<\/p>\n \u201cAdam? Adam Cartwright?\u201d<\/p>\n He turned immediately and upon recognising Jonas Armstrong he nodded, placed his hat upon the table and indicated the empty seat. Jonas, a slimmer man now, sat down, \u201cAdam, I\u2019m more than pleased to find you here. I want to run a suggestion by you.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cSure, go ahead.\u201d Adam glanced at Hoss and winked, then drank a little more of the beer.<\/p>\n \u201cWe want to build a proper Town Hall for Virginia City.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cGood idea.\u201d Hoss nodded and slapped Armstrong on the back with the result that the mans whisky slopped over his hand.<\/p>\n \u201cWhereabouts?\u201d Adam asked, \u201cAnd why come and tell me?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cBecause you trained to be an architect – didn\u2019t you?\u201d Armstrong leaned forward, his breath smelled of the alcohol and Adam sat back a distance from him. \u201cI didn\u2019t forget that, and I think it\u2019s about time you put your training to good use.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019ve not designed anything for a while, life\u2019s been too busy.\u201d Adam said slowly even though something within him was stirring like the embers of a long dormant fire that was being prodded alive.<\/p>\n \u201cLook, you know what you\u2019re talking about when it comes to engineering, you and that Philip Diedesheimer fella, worked out that system, didn\u2019t ya?\u201d he leaned back, \u201cI tell you what, I\u2019m going to advertise in the Territorial for any architect in the area to draw up what they think is a suitable building for a Town Hall\u2026 and the best one wins.\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss wiped his mouth on the back of his hand \u201cWins what?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThe contract of course.\u201d<\/p>\n Adam shrugged and looked into his beer, \u201cWell, I suggest you do that then, Mr. Armstrong.\u201d<\/p>\n Jonas nodded and finished his drink, picked up his hat and bade them goodbye, but he placed his hand firmly on Adam\u2019s shoulder as he rose to his feet \u201cThink about it, Adam. You trained long enough for the qualifications after all.\u201d<\/p>\n After he had gone Adam folded his arms on the table and leaned forwards \u201cWell then, there\u2019s a man with a long memory.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cSure would be something if you won the contract though, Adam. Our own Town Hall designed by Adam Cartwright of the Ponderosa. Sounds good, huh.?\u201d<\/p>\n Those self same words were echoed by Joe when he listened in on the conversation later that evening. Adam looked at Ben and raised an eyebrow, \u201cWhat do you think, Pa?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWell, Armstrong\u2019s right in that you spent those years back east getting your qualifications\u2026\u201d Ben rubbed his chin thoughtfully, \u201cBut there\u2019s a lot to do here, Adam.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI know it.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHas he said anything about when the date for the plans need to be submitted?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNope.\u201d Adam put down his cup and saucer and stretched out his legs, he looked into the fire, \u201cAnyway, I doubt if I\u2019ll do it.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe looked surprised \u201cWhy not? I bet you\u2019d be the best one, Adam.\u201d<\/p>\n His brother smiled and shrugged \u201cI haven\u2019t designed anything of any importance since I left college\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cSeveral schools\u2026\u201d Hoss reminded him as he whittled on some wood.<\/p>\n \u201cYeah, and that bank, that was a fine building til it burned down in that bank raid last year.\u201d Joe added.<\/p>\n Adam only shook his head, once a long time ago he thought he would be building grand edifices of stone and marble, with colonnades and pillars and big windows \u2026 clapboard school houses and a modest bank building hardly compared to such ambitious plans. He continued toying with a book he had picked up and turned his attention to that instead.<\/p>\n The knock on the door interrupted him as he was looking through some papers which he had taken from a leather briefcase usually kept beside his desk. He glanced up as his father appeared with a thoughtful expression on his face. \u201cAnything wrong, Pa?\u201d<\/p>\n Ben glanced at the papers that remained in his son\u2019s hand then at Adam \u201cYou intend to go in for this contract?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m not sure.\u201d Adam replied returning to his task of taking out the papers which he slowly spread out on his desk, \u201cI\u2019ve some ideas floating about in my mind but -\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cBut? Don\u2019t you think you could do it?\u201d Ben sat down on the chair next to the bed and looked at Adam with narrowed eyes as though trying to discern the young mans innermost thoughts.<\/p>\n Adam gave a slight smile \u201cPa, I stopped thinking of myself as an architect a long time ago. There\u2019s enough of them in town to build a hundred town halls if they were needed.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAdam -\u201d Ben paused and frowned, rubbed the back of his neck and shook his head, \u201cYou\u2019ve been so busy here on the Ponderosa that you never really had a chance to do any designing work\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n Adam leaned back in his chair and pushed the papers to one side, \u201cPa, the kind of buildings I wanted to design and see built -\u201d he paused and pursed his lips, frowned and looked a little embarrassed \u201cI wanted to build the kind of properties that we\u2019d see back east, not these timber frame wooden boxes that get built here. This isn\u2019t the place for the kind of designs I wanted to create and now, I don\u2019t know if I could -\u201d he paused and wondered whether the words he had been about to use would have been suitable.<\/p>\n \u201cYou can do anything if you really wanted to, Adam.\u201d Ben said, getting the whole point of what Adam had been about to say totally wrong, but his son didn\u2019t enlighten him, he merely smiled and nodded.<\/p>\n He had actually been about to say he didn\u2019t know if he could really be bothered anymore. It seemed that suddenly the town had matured. Sheriffs came and went, Jurisdictional Judges came and appointed Marshals and new sheriffs appeared. Eventually a man of experience came to town and took up the law as sheriff. His name was Roy Coffee and he was no stranger to the early settlers there, certainly not to the Cartwrights whom he had befriends years earlier when he had been on the circuit as a law keeper. Six months here and six months moved on to another settlement until eventually finding himself the permanent Lawman in Virginia City. One of the first things he did was to ask Adam to design and get built a decent Jail house.<\/p>\n Times were changing and the more gold that came from the soil, the more people streamed into the area, and the more threats there were to the Ponderosa. Adam set aside his designs and concluded the time had come to be free of that particular dream.<\/p>\n Chapter 25<\/p>\n There was a time when Adam could look back over the year and think to himself that life could not get any better. He didn\u2019t torment himself over the fact that he had never set up business as an architect, and he didn\u2019t wallow in self pity because something he had nurtured since a child had not borne fruition. He was content with his life with his father and brothers on the Ponderosa, equally as much as they were .<\/p>\n He gained a measure of pride in what he had designed and built in the town, but the most precious of all was their home – the Ponderosa. Many times he had stood by the corral fence and watched as the moon gilded the shingles with silver light, or the sun shone at a particular angle to make the wood appear mellow and golden. There were times when he would pause as he stepped up to the doorway just to run his hand along the framework and to recall to mind the day it was set in place or would admire the great chimney yet again in remembrance of the hard work it took to build.<\/p>\n Unbeknown to himself Ben did very much the same. The pride he had in his home may have gone unspoken but it was always there for every part of it contained some story, some tale of rigour or humour. He would often regale visitors of the time when a little boy decided he was going to be an \u2018arrky-teck\u2019 and build their home. He gained immense pleasure by adding proudly \u201c-and he did just that.\u201d<\/p>\n But that time now seemed to have fled and as Adam sat in his room he cast his eyes down upon the design of a building and could see nothing, nothing but despair and misery. When had life taken this strange cruel twist onto a path that had led to nothing but the worse of events, the most tortuous of tragedies.<\/p>\n He put his hand to his brow and closed his eyes. In the dark environs of his memory he replayed the agonising day when he had shot and killed his best friend, Ross Marquette. Oh true, there were many to remind him that at the time Ross had actually tried to kill him, having murdered his pretty wife only hours earlier, but he couldn’t forget that during his last moments on earth the man Adam had cradled in his arms had been Ross.<\/p>\n As though life and fate had not twisted the knife sufficiently only weeks later he had nearly killed his brother. Adam groaned within himself and shook his head as memories flooded through him of that long journey with Joe wondering if at any moment he would feel the dead weight within his arms and know that he had killed \u2026murdered\u2026 yes, he whispered to himself yet again murdered \u2026 his brother. Oh Joe. He shook his head and tried to send the memories fleeing from him.<\/p>\n Bitter hate for everything to do with the Ponderosa had over taken him during those days, resentment at having to share the one miserable doctor with countless others when his brother was in such need, the misery of not being able to get the medication that would save his life, the greed and selfishness of those who were prepared to take advantage of their worse moments. Oh, no wonder he had sat and spouted Thoreau to Hoss, patient humble Hoss\u2026<\/p>\n Oh now this \u2026 now this \u2026 he bowed his head lower and covered his face with his hands, and remembered how he had thought fate was at last being kind in bringing to his attention the opportunity of a wife and child only to have even that snatched from him.<\/p>\n He heard footsteps upon the landing and raised his head and squared his shoulders, he turned his face to the door which after a light knock was immediately opened to admit his father, who glanced at his son with a face that looked alight with optimism and joy as he announced that Dr Paul Martin was downstairs.<\/p>\n \u201cTo see me?\u201d he frowned, glanced at the drawing on the desk and then at his father, \u201cOh, of course.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAdam?\u201d Ben frowned and approached him then placed a hand gently upon his shoulder, \u201cOf course to see you, I mean, after what happened this afternoon you can\u2019t expect him not to come and make sure for himself, do you?\u201d he smiled, his wide generous smile that spoke of pride, love and relief.<\/p>\n This afternoon Laura had chosen Will, the woman he had wanted as a wife had decided to take another \u2026 he nodded slowly and looked down at the chair upon which he was sitting. Just another chair, not the one he had been forced to spend weeks in due to that accident, a normal chair from which he would now stand up from and walk away. He looked at his father \u201cOf course, I – I should have realised.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhat you did today was remarkable, Adam.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNot really, Paul kept saying that it would heal, and – and it has, and couldn\u2019t have happened at a better time, could it?\u201d<\/p>\n Did he sound bitter? He hoped not, he didn\u2019t want anyone to think he felt bitter over what had happened. He gripped the edge of the desk and used it to help get onto his feet but before he had stepped away from it Paul Martin was already at the door, bag in hand, a look of incredulity upon his face. \u201cAdam, is it true \u2026 ?\u201d<\/p>\n Adam had never thought of himself as anything more wonderful than any other speciman walking on two legs, but the look on Paul\u2019s face almost made him laugh. Wonder of wonders, it seemed to declare, after all this time of confinement, wondering if he could, or would, ever walk again and here he was \u2026 \u201cAdam, it\u2019s just wonderful, wonderful.\u201d<\/p>\n Adam smiled, nodded, yes, wonderful.<\/p>\n During Paul\u2019s examination and even while answering Paul\u2019s questions Adam thought over those few hours after he had overheard Laura and Will talking about their relationship, and himself. He had felt, well, if anyone had asked him how he had felt at that moment, he would have had to admit to feeling nothing. Numb. Then his pride came to the fore and with it anger, and then cold logic .. ..<\/p>\n Had he really loved her? That question tumbled around in his head tirelessly? Had he? Or had his father been right that time he had said Adam wanted marriage, someone to protect, a child to care for \u2026<\/p>\n \u201cAdam?\u201d<\/p>\n He turned to look at Paul who was looking thoughtful, even a little concerned, \u201cI want you to walk from the bed to the window, would you do that for me?\u201d<\/p>\n Walk – well, why not? He stood up and steadied his feet upon the floor and looked over at the window, then at his father. Ben had always said he was stubborn, and his brothers called him a granite head because of it, and he wanted to walk, didn\u2019t he? Yes, of course he did, he wanted to show them, show Laura, that he was not going to be dependent on anyone, never again. Several days later he was on his horse and had decided that he would take a look at this house he had designed and had started to build, the monster that had devoured his time and nearly killed him in the process. He rode slowly, in no hurry after all the weather was beautiful for the time of year ..<\/p>\n His eyes scanned the skeleton of the building, the framework nearly completed. He shook his head, he must have been mad he told himself now to have even thought of undertaking such a task alone. He raised his eyes to the cross beam that had been his Nemesis, and narrowed his eyes as though seeing himself over reaching, determined to reach that other section of wood and then falling, he could remember that bit clearly, the falling and nothing there to stop him hitting the ground.<\/p>\n On the far side of the site were all the materials that had been ordered and delivered, ready to be put in place for the house to be completed. There were the windows, the doors, the shingles\u2026 he stared at them awhile and then looked back at the framework. It would have been his home, their home. Peggy would have played here and ran up and down the stairs while he and Laura lived their lives and grew old together.<\/p>\n He grimaced, a wry smile, well, that wouldn\u2019t happen now. He nudged Sport to walk on and around the structure looking at it from every angle and then he stopped and looked over at the view. It was a beautiful view, one he had always loved and had always brought him peace of mind and contentment , even now he could feel the black bleakness that had been filling his mind seeping away.<\/p>\n Wild flowers were blooming within the crevices of the rocks and bowed their heads to the breeze, the river trundled its way through the green grass below the slopes and trees stood elegant and tall close to hand. A perfect spot, like poetry in physical form before his very eyes. He smiled slowly, and leaned forwards in the saddle slightly to ease the niggling ache in his back. One day he would finish this house, he had designed it after all, and here he would make it his home. One day he would bring his wife here, a woman who would love him as dearly, as passionately, as he would love her; a woman who would be nothing like Laura, nothing at all.<\/p>\n He dismounted and taking Sport by the reins led him down the grassy slope to the banks of the river whereupon he sat down, stretched out his limbs and watched the clouds scud by in a blue sky on a perfect day.<\/p>\n Life was good once again, at last.<\/p>\n Chapter 26<\/p>\n It seemed to be a glorious summer that year which trickled into a fall they all remembered for various differing reasons. Life seemed full of events, some funnier than others, some poignant in that it brought losses to the town or settlements, even to themselves. Old friends died or moved away, new friends turned out not quite as friendly as one had hoped. For a brief time it seemed possible that Ben would take himself a fourth wife, but that hope died along with her then current husband.<\/p>\n In the evenings when the winter came the four men shared the experiences of the past year while Hop Sing kept the fires burning and food in their stomachs. Life was hard for the ranches during the winter and brought along with it a myriad problems that the four of them, along with the ranch hands that \u2018over wintered\u2019 dealt with in the manner that brought about the best results.<\/p>\n They teased Adam mercilessly over his adventure with \u2018King Arthur\u2019 and then turned on Ben for being so hotly pursued by Widow Hawkins. As Adam said with a sigh, \u201cI have nightmares of \u2018Arry\u2019s pink bloomers taking pride of place over the chimney.\u201d which would bring shudders running down Ben\u2019s spine.<\/p>\n They laughed over some of the things Sam Clemens had written while he had lived there from September 1862 with his brother Orion who was the Nevada Territorial Secretary from \u201861 and how it had seemed the whole of Virginia City had ended up in their back yard looking for the \u2018monster\u2019 prowling around the Ponderosa. It was a winter upon which all could look back and remember fondly for the times shared together.<\/p>\n Snow came and graced the roof top of the Ponderosa ranch house and blew through the chinks that time had wrought around the doors and windows. Spring would come and those chinks would be checked over and repaired to spare further problems when the next winter brought new gales upon them.<\/p>\n During that time of winter Adam sat at his desk in his room and redesigned the house he had previously decided never to look upon again. He tweaked this and that until he felt the property would one day be good enough for the woman he would eventually, perhaps, carry over the threshold. During that spring he hired some men from town to undertake the work having argued at length with his father, long and hard, about the liability of taking the work on himself. This was an argument that Ben actually won.<\/p>\n That early summer Adam and Joseph Cartwright took cattle down to sell and stopped off at a small town called Eastgate. In a saloon called the Red Dog they enjoyed a cool beer together, talked a little too openly about just how much money they had on them, and went their separate ways. Joe chose to stay and see what happened to a man called Obadiah Johnson, accused of murdering his wife and her lover while Adam decided to spend a little time on his own and in doing so met his Nemesis \u2026 Peter Kane.<\/p>\n \u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026<\/p>\n The moon was shy and slid behind clouds so that the shadows silently seeped into the darker shadows until the Ponderosa seemed plunged into a totality of darkness. In the stables and corrals the horses shifted in their stalls or pushed against the corral bars, restless and nervous. The barn owl took its silent flight from the barn to seek its prey and sent its lonesome call echoing through the night.<\/p>\n In the big house the four men lay upon their beds in their bedrooms \u2026 one slept soundly, his mind reassured and settled now that his brother was home, the anxiety of his loss and the misery of his finding now a thing to put behind them, because for Hoss, life was about living each day as it came, learning from each experience and moving on to the next.<\/p>\n In his room Joseph Cartwright lay flat on his back staring up at the ceiling. His mind followed familiar channels that it had traversed regularly during the past days. It had been mind numbing to realise that they had decided to turn back for home when his brother had been so close to them all the time. Thinking of the consequences had they done so made his stomach tighten. When ever he closed his eyes he saw that same scene played over and over \u2026a solitary man dragging a travois with a dead man upon it, each step, each weary step, sapping more and more strength from him. What if they hadn\u2019t noticed him? What if they had ridden away when they had been so close to finding him?<\/p>\n He knew it was futile to keep asking the questions after all they had found him, they had buried Peter Kane and brought Adam home, they had ..they had \u2026 but what if \u2026they hadn\u2019t?<\/p>\n Ben turned the flame in his lamp just a little higher so that he could read the section of scripture more clearly. How many times had he read this section about faith? How many times had he asked himself why he had lacked faith when he had needed it most? His son was near death and he had been prepared to ride away \u2026 where had his faith been in finding him? It had gone, after a few days he had been ready to come home.<\/p>\n Now his son was home safe and sound, well, safe anyway. There was something not quite right though, even after all these weeks there was something – a restlessness, wariness ? Ben shook his head and concentrated again on his reading \u201cIf you have faith the size of a mustard seed then you will say to that mountain move \u2026\u201d<\/p>\n He left the room unable to concentrate now and went downstairs to get a glass of brandy and just sit by the fire, he needed to mull a few things over in his mind and then, tomorrow, start afresh. But as he sat down he felt as though he were carrying the weight of his son\u2019s body in his arms again and hearing that wretched heart breaking sob \u2019Oh Pa\u2026\u2019<\/p>\n What had really happened during that time with Kane? Why wouldn\u2019t he talk more openly about it? Why keep it shut up within himself? Hoss had reminded them that he had been the same when Ross had been killed, but that was understandable because Adam had fired that fatal shot. He had not killed Peter Kane \u2026had he?<\/p>\n He raised his eyes upwards and heard the sound of footsteps pacing the floor, back and forth they went, back and forth. Ben reached for his pipe and tobacco, slowly filled the bowl and finding the matches struck one, the flame hovered and then he paused as he saw Adam coming slowly down the stairs. He immediately blew the flame out and put the pipe down, \u201cCouldn\u2019t you sleep, son?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cCouldn\u2019t you?\u201d Adam replied with a slight smile as he walked towards the fire, then paused to stare into the dying flames \u201cYou alright, Pa?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYes, of course. What about yourself?\u201d he leaned back as though he had all the time in the world to listen, and for this young man, yes, he\u2019d have given all that and more if it would have helped at all.<\/p>\n \u201cOh yes, I\u2019m alright. D\u2019you want something to drink? Brandy?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThat would be good, thanks.\u201d<\/p>\n Adam moved to the cabinet and for a while all Ben heard was the clink of glasses and the pouring of the liquor which he then carried back with him to where Ben sat, after handing his father a glass he sat down on the blue chair and stretched out his legs and swilled the brandy round the glass. \u201cWhat\u2019s on your mind, Pa?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNothing. Well, nothing much\u2026 I just couldn\u2019t sleep.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAnything worrying you?\u201d<\/p>\n Ben took a deep breath, then expelled it before nodding \u201cI\u2019ve been worried about you.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cMe? Why?\u201d<\/p>\n Ben forced a slow smile and stared down into the glass, \u201cWell, you seem – restless.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cRestless?\u201d Adam gave a mirthless laugh and shrugged, drank some of the wine, \u201cWhy should I be restless?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cPerhaps the experience you went through with that dead man you were dragging through the desert may have done something \u2026\u201d he paused, shook his head, \u201cI don\u2019t know.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWell\u2026\u201d Adam dragged the word out, sipped more of the brandy \u201cI guess a man has a lot of time to think when alone in the desert dragging dead bodies about\u2026\u201d his smile was just a crooked grimace and he shrugged again, \u201cI wonder at what time during that trek he actually died?\u201d he said this more to himself that to his father, his brow creased \u201cHe was still alive when we left the camp, I know that \u2026 I made sure he was \u2026\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWas that important? His being alive I mean?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYes, it was.\u201d Adam nodded, his dark hair was tousled and stubble was dark around his jaw, he held the glass bowl between both hands and swirled the liquor round and round a little more, \u201cI wanted him dead though, then when it looked as though he was I needed him to be alive.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben frowned and nodded, \u201cWhy?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cBecause -\u201d Adam paused, thought hard for a moment , \u201cBecause he wanted me to kill him, and I didn\u2019t want him to have that satisfaction of knowing he had succeeded in driving me to doing it. I didn\u2019t want him to win.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cTo win?\u201d Ben frowned, shook his head, confused now, \u201cWin what?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThe game. No,\u201d Adam paused again, \u201cNo, it wasn\u2019t a game\u201c he said this quietly as though remonstrating with himself \u201cit was all rather deadly serious really. But that was what he wanted, he wanted to drive me to killing him.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cIf he was mad \u2026\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHe was, quite mad.\u201d Adam nodded and looked intently at his father, narrowed his eyes and then turned away. \u201cQuite mad.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAdam, you\u2019ve killed men before \u2026 in this world we live in that\u2019s been unavoidable, so what was -.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cDifferent about this man?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWell, if you want to put it that way \u2026\u201d<\/p>\n Adam drew in his breath and rose to his feet, he stood a moment looking down at the fire, the brandy glass in one hand, while the other rested upon the chimney \u201cBecause this was different, he was different \u2026 everything was different.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHow?\u201d Ben leaned forward, this was the most they had talked about the matter and he dreaded his son deciding that now enough was enough, he held his breath as Adam stared into the flames as though he had to find the right words from there in the heart of the dying embers.<\/p>\n \u201cThose I\u2019ve killed in the past \u2026 we\u2019ve killed\u2026 there\u2019s been little or no choice in the matter, has there? I mean, even with Ross it was shoot or \u2026\u201d he rounded his shoulders in an off hand shrug, \u201cBut Kane started off by saving my life when I was near dead anyway. Then bit by bit he -\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHe – what?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019d mentioned to him that a man of principle could never kill just for the sake of killing, that something fine within them would prevent the thought becoming a reality. And – then -\u201d<\/p>\n He stopped, raised his eyebrows and drank his brandy before looking at his father \u201cAnother one, Pa?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cEr – no – thanks, ones enough for me at this time of night.\u201d<\/p>\n Adam smiled and carried the empty glasses to the cabinet before returning to his seat, he stroked his chin and shrugged \u201cHe wanted to die but he didn\u2019t want to die from hunger, or thirst, or by shooting his brains out. He wanted to die knowing he had driven someone else to killing him. I didn\u2019t want to cold bloodedly kill the wretch, but there were times when I got so angry and he knew how close I was getting so each day he\u2019d goad me on just a little bit more\u2026then one day I heard you calling me and I thought I was going mad then especially when -.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWe rode away?\u201d<\/p>\n Adam nodded \u201cYes, that\u2019s right, you rode away.\u201d<\/p>\n He said nothing more, there seemed nothing more to be said but he stroked his upper lip with his forefinger and his dark eyes became sombre and reflected the dying embers of the fire at which he was staring. Ben waited for some moments before the clock struck the hour which seemed to break the spell as he rose to his feet \u201cTime we tried to get some sleep, son.\u201d<\/p>\n Adam nodded and looked at Ben with a smile \u201cWe built a fine house, didn\u2019t we, Pa?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWe built more than a house, son, we built a whole new world, a family, our home\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n Adam sighed and stood up, put his arm around his father\u2019s shoulders \u201cCome on, Pa, we got a busy day ahead tomorrow.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cToday.\u201d Ben glanced over at the clock and smiled, Adam allowed a grin to pass over his expressive features and nodded \u201cYes, quite. Today then\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n In his room Joe had finally fallen asleep. The murmur of the voice downstairs combined with the drone of Hoss\u2019 snores across the landing a back ground lullaby to which he had finally succumbed.<\/p>\n Chapter 27<\/p>\n Letters arrived with a reasonable regularity now and the town continued to grow along with the times. The population had grown to over 10,000 and large mining consortiums had long taken over from the small miners individual attempts to \u2018find the elephant\u2019 as a strike had once been called. Gas lighting had arrived along with the Opera House, hotels and theatres.<\/p>\n On the Ponderosa life had settled into a pleasant existence and the ranch house mellowed further as season followed season. Adam talked to Ben about designing an extension to the back of the ranch but before he could put his design into reality a letter came that changed the course of their lives.<\/p>\n Whether or not he had intended to keep it a secret from his father and brothers Adam never said, but when the letter came he had to admit later that it was a surprise to him as he had given up in expecting any response to the enquiry he had sent months earlier.<\/p>\n It took him two days to find the courage and the right time to pass the letter into the hands of his father for him to read and Ben had smiled, seen the look on his son\u2019s face and then looked concerned, and then finally had read the letter. He read it twice to make sure he had understood what he was reading and then just stood there as though stunned. It was Joe who had asked what was wrong and had then snatched the letter from Ben\u2019s unresisting hand<\/p>\n \u201cI don\u2019t understand.\u201d he muttered as his eyes scanned the words \u201cWhat does it mean?\u201d<\/p>\n Ben sighed \u201cIt means that your brother intends to leave the Ponderosa, Joe.\u201d<\/p>\n His voice was weary, as though there was no strength left in it and although Adam had said quietly \u201cPa, it isn\u2019t like that \u2026\u201d Ben had shaken his head and turned away, his hands on his hips and his head bowed as he stared at the logs piled on the gridirons.<\/p>\n \u201cLemme see that.\u201d Hoss pulled the letter from Joe, almost tearing it in half and read it, frowned, read it again \u201cI – what – Adam? What\u2019s this mean?\u201d<\/p>\n Adam shrugged and shook his head, reached out for his letter and then looked at them with his eyes going from one to the other and to his father who had turned now and repeated Hoss\u2019 question \u201cWhat does it mean, Adam?\u201d<\/p>\n Adam sat down slowly on the old blue chair and looked at the letter then up at his father, \u201cI\u2019m sorry, I wrote to these people months ago, and – and after I hadn\u2019t heard from them I thought nothing would come of it. I just thought there was no point in mentioning it to you, any of you, when there seemed no likelihood of anything happening.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou didn\u2019t think to mention it?\u201d Ben\u2019s voice rose higher and his eyes darkened, veins stood out on his forehead \u201cYou didn\u2019t think to mention it?\u201d he shouted this now as though his earlier question hadn’t been heard by all present there. \u201cSomething this important you didn\u2019t think needed to be mentioned?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI didn\u2019t think anything would come of it.\u201d Adam replied lamely while his eyes looked at his father with a wistfulness not often seen on him.<\/p>\n Joe gulped and squatted down on the arm of the settee, he wanted to speak but somehow the words got stuck in his throat, Hoss just sat down with his head bowed low, his chin resting on his chest as he stared at his brother \u201cBut, Adam, why?\u201d<\/p>\n Adam glanced at him anxiously then looked away, \u201cWell, it was -\u201d he paused to think of what to say without creating further outbursts of any kind, he coughed and shook his head, \u201cWell, I thought it was time, you know, time to do something different.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou\u2019re bored? Is that it? You\u2019re bored with being here with us? With the Ponderosa?\u201d Ben boomed and in the kitchen Hop Sing decided to make a quick exit into the garden.<\/p>\n \u201cNo, Pa, no, not at all but the fact is I\u2019m getting older and life seems to have levelled out and I – I want to go places that I read about, experience things I hear others talk about. That\u2019s all.\u201d he looked at his brothers appealing \u201cDon\u2019t you understand?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI ain\u2019t as old as you yet,\u201d Joe said with brutal honesty, \u201cPerhaps when I am I\u2019ll understand better. All I can see is that you want to leave us and go away like you did before.\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss shook his head \u201cYou know how I feel, Adam. I don\u2019t need telling you agin, life here on the Ponderosa is all I ever want, ever will do too come to that.\u201d<\/p>\n Adam clenched his hands into two fists and shook his head \u201cI just want to experience something different before I get too old and no good for anything anymore. That\u2019s all.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cIt isn\u2019t a case of \u2018That\u2019s all\u2019 though, Adam.\u201d Ben said quietly, \u201cNothing is that simple or that cut and dried. You leave here and -\u201d he shook his head \u201ctime will pass, things will change and you won\u2019t be a part of it. You\u2019ll be gone, somewhere who knows where having your experiences, and anything could happen in the meantime.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI know, I\u2019ve been thinking about that, over and over ever since I got the letter.\u201d Adam nodded.<\/p>\n \u201cYou really want to go?\u201d Ben asked simply while emotionally inside he was yelling in fury.<\/p>\n \u201cI want to go and I want to stay.\u201d Adam replied quietly, \u201cI don\u2019t want to leave here or go from you, but -\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYeah – but?\u201d Hoss grunted and glowered at his brother, \u201cYou ain\u2019t never really settled here, not since you went to college and came back with all that book learning.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThat\u2019s not true, Hoss, and it\u2019s not fair either.\u201d Adam replied quietly, \u201cI fought as hard as any of you to keep the Ponderosa safe during those early years with the diggers, and I\u2019ve taken my fair share of bullets and beatings for being a Cartwright as well.\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss shook his head, shrugged his shoulders then turned away as though afraid to look at the object of his affections any longer, his hero, his big brother \u2026 he heaved in a deep breath and struggled to maintain his composure.<\/p>\n Ben rubbed his forehead with one calloused hand and then looked at his son before sitting down again, he leaned forward \u201cAdam, have you thought all this through carefully?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOf course I have.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cDo you feel the same way about it now as you did when you wrote that letter of enquiry all those months ago?\u201d<\/p>\n Adam turned his head to stare at Joe and then at Hoss, \u201cNo. I don\u2019t feel so sure or certain of myself now. I – I don\u2019t want to leave my brothers or you, Pa, but at the same time I feel that if I don\u2019t do this now, for me, then I\u2019ll just -\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou\u2019ll go anyway.\u201d Joe said quietly as he got to his feet his handsome young face the picture of misery, \u201cIf you don\u2019t go now, Adam, you\u2019ll just up and ride away some day without ever even telling us, I know it, so do you.\u201d<\/p>\n It surprised Adam and Ben that the youngest of them had the most insight into how his brother felt; Joe felt tears prickling to the surface and he shook his head as though that would deny their presence, the only reason he didn\u2019t weep was because he was too numb and Adam had to look away as though unable to face those moist hazel eyes as he heaved in a deep breath \u201cI think you\u2019re right, Joe. I think that\u2019s just what I would do.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cBut why? I mean, I know you explained why but – I don\u2019t understand – why?\u201d Hoss almost wailed and he looked first at his father and then at Adam \u201cCouldn\u2019t you just move to town for a while? Or San Francisco? Jest until you got this outa your system?\u201d<\/p>\n Adam shook his head, raised his shoulders and shrugged \u201cLook, when I was a child I travelled, with Pa, alone. We crossed wilderness, desert, Indian territory and we did it often on our own. I never wanted to settle in any place – you know that, Pa – I always wanted to move on.\u201d<\/p>\n They looked at him blankly, Ben nodded but his brothers turned their faces away. He waited but when there continued to be nothing but silence he continued \u201cI guess it put a restlessness in me, all that travelling. Pa, you taught me to navigate by the stars, you taught me all your craft and skill as a seaman, you told me stories of when you went to sea, and your father before you ..\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI know, it was all that I had known before -\u201d Ben said and shook his head, \u201cBut that doesn\u2019t mean, it doesn\u2019t explain why you need to go now.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhy doesn\u2019t it? My life was -\u201d he paused for want of finding the right word \u201cLook, Pa, you took me from one place to another and all I wanted was to reach this paradise you talked about and build our home. And we did that, and then I went to college and along with learning to design buildings I spent time with my grandfather who talked of ships and sailing, and other countries.\u201d he paused again, shook his head and stood up \u201cI\u2019m sorry. I\u2018m sorry if what I\u2018m saying makes no sense to any of you, and if you don\u2018t understand.\u201d<\/p>\n No one spoke as he walked from the room and went outside, the door closed with a sharpness to it, and silence remained there until Joe said he was going to his room. Hoss watched him mount the stairs and then turned to Ben \u201cPa? Are you going to let Adam go?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI can\u2019t very well stop him, Hoss, as he\u2019s rightly reminded us, he\u2019s getting on in years, he\u2019s not a boy any longer.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cPa? What\u2019re we gonna do with out him here?\u201d<\/p>\n Ben stood up and put a gentle hand on his sons shoulder, he didn\u2019t want to admit to Hoss that he\u2019d rather not think about that, it was too hard to even contemplate. But he shrugged anyway and mumbled \u201c I guess we\u2019ll just keep working here until he comes home again.\u201d<\/p>\n It didn\u2019t seem quite sufficient, Hoss knew what he meant but he wanted more, some reassurance that nothing would really change even though he knew everything was going to anyway.<\/p>\n In the stables Adam took down his saddle and got Sport ready for a ride. He felt he needed the time to cool down, to feel the air in his face and to think about his family\u2019s reaction to what he had shown them in that letter. As Sport loped out of the yard he remembered how it had all started, all those months ago when everything had seemed so black and frustrating, when everything was going wrong in his life.<\/p>\n It was only then that he had found the letter from his grandfather yellowing among other papers. It had been addressed to him although he couldn\u2019t remember ever having seen it before but assumed that it must have been gathered up among the others and put altogether in the valise. He had read it carefully before taking it to Hiram their lawyer in town for clarification. After Hiram had read it through he confirmed that Abel had detailed all that was required for his grandson to get a Commission in the navy. All that was necessary was to apply to the President, tell him about his college education, give some background information re his families sea connections and then wait and see what happens .<\/p>\n Months of waiting and suddenly there it was in black and white, an invitation to go to Boston and sit before a panel of Naval Officers who would discuss the matter with him and decide whether or not he was a suitable candidate for a Commission. It had set his world upside down, and he had to go and take a long drink of water to stop his stomach churning over.<\/p>\n It was just the interim period that was so testing now \u2026 the having to let go, once again, of those he loved and helping them somehow or other, to let go of him.<\/p>\n When he rode home late that night the moon shone upon the house he had designed all those years ago. It shone all over with silver light and had never looked so picture card perfect as it did then. He sat in the saddle and remembered when he had drawn his first picture of what their home would be like, and how there was a man on one of the wagon trains who had shown him how to design a house correctly. Just as his fathers dream had been to find that Eden he and Elizabeth had spoken about so much, so it had been his own personal longing to build that house, complete with stairs and enough bedrooms for everyone. It had been the hook that had continually drawn him along to its completion.<\/p>\n He felt a tightness catch at his throat as his eyes wandered up to the windows \u2026 his fathers bedroom with the light shining there and his father\u2019s shadow passing and re-passing as he paced too and fro. There was the window of Hoss\u2019 room, and below that the window to the study.<\/p>\n He shivered, it seemed as though suddenly the winds of change were blowing and that there was going to be a lot of pain with it.<\/p>\n Chapter 28<\/p>\n Nothing more was said about Adam\u2019s future plans, it was as though time was holding judgement on the whole affair and no one risked a word in case too much was said too soon. Ben took on the attitude that if he ignored it long enough it would go away and everyone else followed his example so well that sometimes it was almost possible to believe they had imagined that conversation about ships and the sea.<\/p>\n Ed Payton rode back to claim his home and ended up a permanent feature on Boots Hill. Adam\u2019s family waited to see if that would be the straw on the proverbial camels back but it was not, Adam remained close mouthed and steely eyed even when the Cass\u2019 moved away and the Michaelsons took over the Hardware Store.<\/p>\n They wondered if giving such a bright lad as Michael Michaelson private tuition would encourage Adam to remain home, although not one of them mentioned such a thought to any of the others just in case, well, in case it didn\u2019t.<\/p>\n Howard came on the scene and left behind the legacy of a song<\/p>\n \u201cPoor Howards dead and gone, It seemed at times to Ben as though even the house was standing on tiptoe in anticipation and dread. The joists seemed to creak more, the stairs took their time to settle in an evening and the shingles murmured above his head at night. When morning came he forced himself to amble down the stairs and smile brightly, and greet them all with as cheerful a face as possible.<\/p>\n Work went on through the weeks, calves had to be branded and trees had to be hewn down and fences needed to be repaired. Adam took to taking on tasks that took him from home, alone, which chewed Bens nerves to shreds.<\/p>\n Adam wasn\u2019t oblivious to his father\u2019s feelings, but he knew Ben well enough to know that when the time was right another conversation would be forced upon them all and they would have to bare their souls for the greater good and he honestly didn\u2019t want it. Being at home and looking to a future away from them all was pulling him apart from the inside out and the only time he had peace was when he was out on his own.<\/p>\n There were still squatters to be chased off their land, still the odd bullet to duck and avoid. He went to bed at night wondering if the next day would be the day he would have to say farewell and as much as he longed for it, he also dreaded it.<\/p>\n Joe was chomping on an apple one morning when Adam returned from doing his early chores, he looked over at his little brother and smiled \u201cWhat you looking at, Joe?\u201d<\/p>\n Joe\u2019s shoulders tensed for a second and then he shrugged, \u201cOh some maps I found here in Pa\u2019s old desk.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cReally?\u201d Adam walked over to join him and looked down, his fingers smoothed away the corners that were curling and he grimaced \u201cHawaii?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cEr – I was just looking.\u201d Joe sighed, and looked down at the map in the direction that Adams eyes were travelling, \u201cThat\u2019s a lot of sea, Adam.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYes, it is.\u201d Adam clamped his mouth shut and nodded.<\/p>\n \u201cReckon you\u2019d be going to places like that? Japan? Hawaii?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI don\u2019t know, Joe.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAre they places you\u2019d like to go and see?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWouldn\u2019t you?\u201d Adam looked at Joe and for a moment Joe\u2019s grin took on the sparkle of mischief then he shrugged and shook his head \u201cNope, not really. I don\u2019t think I\u2019d like to go on a boat.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cA ship.\u201d Adam said by way of correction.<\/p>\n \u201cAlright then, a ship.\u201d Joe looked at Adam and then took another bite of the apple, before he walked away leaving Adam to roll that map up and observe another, \u201cYou still got your mind set on going?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI guess so, yes.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWell, I guess seeing as you got no woman in your life there ain\u2019t no point in your sticking around here just getting old.\u201d Joe slumped down on the settee and waved the apple about \u201cWhen I get as old as you I might even want to go places I\u2019ve never seen before, but not on boat – ship.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cSo you wouldn\u2019t miss me then?\u201d Adam smiled and joined his brother, sitting in the old blue chair next to him.<\/p>\n \u201cAh well, that\u2019s where you\u2019re wrong, older brother, because I shall miss you.\u201d Joe frowned and nodded, he looked at Adam, swallowed and then looked away, \u201cI will miss you, Adam.\u201d<\/p>\n Abruptly he got to his feet, tossed the apple into the fire and turned to go but Adam caught him by the arm, \u201cI\u2019m sorry, Joe, I\u2019m sorry if it upsets you but I really can\u2019t stay much longer and – \u201c<\/p>\n \u201cDon\u2019t, Adam, don\u2019t say no more. I don\u2019t want to hear it. I understand, but – just leave me be.\u201d<\/p>\n Adam watched his youngest brother take to the stairs, then lowered his head and bit down on his bottom lip, then looked over at the door as his father and Hoss stepped into the room. Ben tossed his hat onto its peg and looked around him \u201cJoe alright?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYeah, he\u2019s – fine.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben and Hoss looked at one another doubtfully, but it was Hoss who asked what it was that had upset Joe, and then handed Adam an envelope \u201cReckon it had anything to do with this?\u201d<\/p>\n Adam rubbed his jaw and then took a deep breath as he opened the envelope and pulled out the letter, Ben tried to pretend it was just another letter and walked over to the table and sat down as though food would miraculously appear if he did so. Hoss stood near his brother with his hands on his hips looking up briefly at the sound of Joe\u2019s footsteps on the stairs. Adam\u2019s mouth was unexpectedly dry, he licked his lips and slipped the letter into the envelope and joined his father at the table. \u201cThey\u2019ve booked my passage, Pa. I have to leave in a few days time.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben grimaced and nodded \u201cI see. Best sit down, son, and eat your breakfast. Hoss, Joe, come and sit at the table.\u201d<\/p>\n Adam narrowed his eyes and looked at his father, wondered briefly if his father had understood what had been said, but then Ben nodded \u201cSo – they\u2019re paying for you to get there ?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo, I\u2019m going to work my way, then the Captain can give some kind of reference to how I work on board ship, even if it is for only a few months.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben straightened his shoulders and then looked down at the meal that Hop Sing had set upon the table, \u201cI see.\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss said nothing but put some food on his plate and Adam poured coffee into his cup, while Joe thought of all that sea, so much more blue on a map than anything else and boats, ships, call them what you will, they were mighty small in comparison.<\/p>\n It was a fait accompli and they all knew it and accepted it as such although it tore at all of them. In the evenings they talked about the past, the people they had met and known, the misadventures they had shared, the way they had felt when one of them had been hurt. It was a case of \u201cDo you remember \u2026\u201d \u201cHow about when \u2026\u201d \u201cI wonder how \u2026\u201d so that they all did their share in scratching at the wounds and keeping them sore and open.<\/p>\n Then they would go to their beds and think their own private thoughts and wish that they could hold back time. Adam Cartwright sat in the stagecoach and waited for the other passengers to board. A man and his boy, a young woman and an old man. They crowded in together and the woman smiled even as she dabbed her eyes with a handkerchief having said her farewells and not wanting to prolong them.<\/p>\n Adam looked round and out of the window, his father, Hoss and Joe stood there and nodded, smiled. They raised their hands and he nodded to them and tried to blank out the depths of misery in their eyes which would, he knew, weaken his resolve. Ben approached and put his hand on his son\u2019s arms \u201cGod bless you, my boy.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThank you, Pa. And you also.\u201d Adam drew in a long deep breath and frowned \u201cThanks, Pa.\u201d<\/p>\n They had said their many private words the previous night, and repeated them again that morning, his brothers and himself, his father, there was nothing more to say now, not really. \u201cI\u2019ll see you soon, Pa.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben only nodded, a brief smile and he stepped back as the stage coach surged forwards, dust billowed from beneath the wheels but they didn\u2019t move, they raised a hand even though they knew that Adam wouldn\u2019t be looking back.<\/p>\n The boy looked at him and said \u201cMr. Cartwright?\u201d<\/p>\n He didn\u2019t want to get into conversation with any one, he couldn\u2019t trust his voice, but he looked up at the boy and nodded. The child smiled \u201cIt\u2019s me, Mr. Cartwright, Jimmy.\u201d<\/p>\n He still just looked at him, narrowed his eyes while his brain groped for a name to put to the face so that the boy looked disappointed \u201cI was in your class when you were the teacher when Miss Scott was ill.\u201d<\/p>\n Another memory to haunt him, he forced a smile, \u201cOf course, hello, Jimmy.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI remember your lessons, Mr. Cartwright. I sure wish you had stayed being our teacher. You were real good, I learned a lot.\u201d<\/p>\n The father leaned forwards \u201cHe did too, seemed like suddenly he realised there was some point in learning to read and write.\u201d he patted his son on the back, and the freckle faced lad grinned and nodded.<\/p>\n Adam listened to the boy as he chattered on and remembered that time too well. A time when his pleasure at teaching had been marred by the death of a man because he, Adam Cartwright had deemed fit to delve into the history of the land and peoples that man belonged to, he thought of it as a failure. A death because of him of an innocent man, the last of his people. He leaned back and smiled at the boy who enthusiastically was telling him he had been a great teacher.<\/p>\n Life, as Shakespeare had said, was just a stage and men were merely actors upon it. He could repeat that section by heart but he saw himself there .. Would be teacher, would be architect, would be deputy sheriff. He lowered his hat over his face and shut himself off from the gaze of those there, his heart was breaking and he didn\u2019t want any witnesses to it.<\/p>\n He had taken his last ride on Sport the previous evening just as night had fallen, they had gone as far as his favourite place, where a house had been built and stood empty as though waiting for its owner to return to it. He had wondered if he would ever get to see it again, or live in it. The view even then had been lovely with the moon shining upon the river and sending scattered diamonds of light rippling to the banks along its shore.<\/p>\n Then he had slowly made his way home, to the Ponderosa and looked upon the ranch house that he and Hoss had helped Ben build. Long ago it seemed, so long ago\u2026he had stood among the trees and just looked at it. The house that he had built \u2026well, not really, but it had been conceived from his dream just as the land had been part of his fathers.<\/p>\n Well, all that was over for now, a new dream was about to begin \u2026<\/p>\n The End or perhaps, just the beginning …<\/p>\n I Shall Cherish You Forever by Krystyna<\/a><\/p>\n
\n.<\/p>\n
\nAs he looked at the two men sitting side by side, their backs to him, he somehow felt that it just seemed such the right thing to have happened.<\/p>\n
\nOf Paradise, so late their happy seat,
\nWaved over by that flaming brand, the gate
\nWith dreadful faces thronged and fiery arms:
\nSome natural tears they dropped, but wiped them soon;
\nThe world was all before them, where to choose
\nTheir place of rest, and Providence their guide;
\nThey, hand in hand, with wandering steps and slow,
\nThrough Eden took their solitary way.\u201d<\/p>\n
\n\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026<\/p>\n
\nAdam\u201d<\/p>\n
\n\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026.<\/p>\n
\n\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026.<\/p>\n
\nJoseph Francis stood at the doorway with his hands in his pockets staring out at the racket that was going on, his freckled face displayed little more than fascination at seeing his big brother Hoss cavorting around the yard with another man in a bear hug while Ben laughed and stood there looking so pleased with himself. Joe only realised that this someone was Adam when Hoss had released him and he was looking towards the door with a smile, dimples twinkling in his cheeks and brown eyes snapping with amber sparks. Joe put his head to one side to survey this unknown but well loved person as he approached him, he narrowed his eyes when Adam leaned down towards him to be more at his level.<\/p>\n
\n\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026.<\/p>\n
\n\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026..<\/p>\n
\n\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026.<\/p>\n
\n\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026<\/p>\n
\n\u2026\u2026\u2026..<\/p>\n
\n\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026.
\nThings often happen for a reason, so Ben had always said, and it seemed that despite himself his son did design the Town Hall for Virginia City as a result of which he received several other commissions for houses in the style that he enjoyed designing. A Town Council was formed and both Ben and Adam were asked to be members of it, to represent the homesteaders and ranchers outside the environs of the town. Following that the Cattlemen Association was introduced and they became founder members in order to protect the rights of the ranchers in the territory. A School Board was organised of which they were Governors.<\/p>\n
\n\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026<\/p>\n
\nPoor Howards dead and gone,
\nPoor Howards dead and gone,
\nWho\u2019ll be there to sing his song.\u201d<\/p>\n
\n\u201cWell?\u201d Hoss asked, jutting out his jaw, \u201cAnything you\u2019d like to share?\u201d<\/p>\n
\n\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026.<\/p>\n
\n\u201cI hope following your dream makes you happy, son.\u201d<\/p>\n