{"id":2748,"date":"2013-01-12T00:35:50","date_gmt":"2013-01-12T05:35:50","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=2748"},"modified":"2023-03-22T13:14:18","modified_gmt":"2023-03-22T17:14:18","slug":"the-dreaming-eagle-book-2-through-the-shadows","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=2748","title":{"rendered":"The Dreaming Eagle — Book 2 — Through the Shadows (by Hooded Crow)"},"content":{"rendered":"

Summary:\u00a0 <\/strong>Adam has a hard time with his father still disapproving of his love, he is torn apart by his loyalty to the Ponderosa and his desire to live his own life, be his own man. When a devilish plan leads him into a vicious trap, he goes through a hell of pain and despair, through an ordeal that threatens to break his spirit and jeopardizes his future with the woman he loves.<\/p>\n

Rated:\u00a0 T (128,060 words)<\/strong><\/p>\n

Story Notes:\u00a0 <\/strong>‘Through the Shadows’<\/em>\u00a0is the second part of the Dreaming Eagle and has its chapter numbering continuing from ‘Book 1’, so this story starts with ‘Chapter 33’. I decided to keep the chapter numbers that way to keep it a real trilogy and not just three stories. It will hopefully lure the one or other into having a look at\u00a0‘As It Began’<\/em>.<\/p>\n

WARNING: There are some cruel and brutal scenes in this part, and some of the chapters are harrowing.<\/p>\n

Timeframe: End of the sixth season, here set in 1864<\/p>\n

Disclaimer: All Bonanza characters, elements, etc. are the property of Bonanza Ventures Inc.. The original characters and plots are the property of the author. No copyright infringement intended.<\/p>\n

The Dreaming Eagle Series:<\/strong><\/p>\n

As it Began<\/a>
\nThrough the Shadows<\/a>
\nSpreading Wings<\/a><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The Dreaming Eagle — Book 2 — Through the Shadows<\/strong><\/p>\n

Love imposes impossible tasksParsley, sage, rosemary and thymeThough not more than any heart asksAnd I must know a true love of mine<\/em><\/p>\n

33. Expectations\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

“Oh, Adam…” Ben looked up from his desk. “If you have a minute…”<\/p>\n

Adam stopped at the bottom of the stairs, the bucket with the broken pieces of Joe’s window pane in one hand, a box with tools in the other. There was an undertone in his father’s voice that sounded amazingly… humble.<\/p>\n

“What d’you got there?” Ben threw a curious look at the bucket.<\/p>\n

“Had to replace a window pane.”<\/p>\n

“Ah.” Ben nodded his head and made a waving movement with his hand. “Put that down, you can take care of it later or Hop Sing will clean it up.”<\/p>\n

Adam got a slight suspicion as he did as he was told and stepped closer to his father’s desk. Ben was apparently working on a ledger, the desk was littered with slips of paper. Many of them were bills and receipts, but most seemed to be scribbled calculations, blotched out and started anew until the slip was full and a new one needed to be scribbled upon. The unusual amount of ink spots on the sheets told a story of its own. There even were ink stains on Ben’s fingers.<\/p>\n

“Problems?” Adam looked down at his father’s silver hair. He still was bitter about the clash in the yard, the more so because he knew that his father had long brushed it off and wouldn’t want to mention or even be reminded of it again. It could be seen as gracious, so typical for his father’s habit to forgive and forget as easily as he could explode, but it also meant that his own bitterness and his distress were reduced to total irrelevance. And yet, in spite of his hurt and dark thoughts, he couldn’t help a vague and rather warm amusement. He had a good idea where the problem was.<\/p>\n

“It doesn’t add up!” Ben pressed his lips together and glared fiercely over the papers. “I’ve run over the numbers ten times, fifty times, a hundred times, and they just don’t add up!” He angrily slammed his hand on the desk, with no care that he still held the quill-pen. Inevitably, a big drop of ink landed on the ledger. Ben growled like an old panther. “Fire and brimstone!”<\/p>\n

“Let me have a look…” Adam came around the desk and started running over the numbers. He’d always had a great talent for arithmetic, and doing even complicated calculations entirely in his head came easy to him. “Seems correct so far. Where do the source numbers come from?”<\/p>\n

“Oh, here!” Ben readily dragged out another ledger and opened it. “I’ve carried them over from here!”<\/p>\n

“Hm.” Adam concentrated on the numbers, paging backwards through the ledger. The calculations kept his mind busy, kept his thoughts from focussing on anything else, and he was thankful for that. Finally, his finger pointed to a spot on one of the pages. “You’ve got an calculation error here. That’s why your numbers didn’t add up – you’ve carried that mistake from one part to the next.”<\/p>\n

“By the blazes!” Ben stared into the ledger and grabbed for a piece of paper to start a calculation.<\/p>\n

“Six thousand, four hundred ninety-seven dollars and twenty cents!” Adam threw in.<\/p>\n

Ben let out a laugh and put the quill-pen down. “Son, I really wouldn’t know what to do without you! It seems to me your costly education was one of the best investments I’ve ever made in my life – unless, of course, all that reading confuses your thinking!”<\/p>\n

Adam did not react. He knew it was a joke, and his father was laughing, but he couldn’t join in. Even though a part of him wished he could. He watched the laughter fade from his father’s face while looking over the ledgers.<\/p>\n

“That means I’ll have to do them all over again…” Ben pulled an unhappy face, but then he raised his brows and threw a long look at his son. “Adam…”<\/p>\n

“Yeah, I’ll do it.” A fleeting smile stole over Adam’s lips, but something inside of him bristled. He should make his stand clear, once and for all, but instead he was just giving in – again.<\/p>\n

“Good!” Ben exclaimed in relief. “I shouldn’t have started on it at all while you were gone. Guess that really shows how much I depend on you! You need the desk?” He was about to get up.<\/p>\n

“No.” Adam shook his head. “I’ll take them upstairs.” He began to gather the relevant ledgers and papers together.<\/p>\n

“I hope this won’t interfere with your plans for this evening…?” There was a certain lurking in Ben’s voice, his eyes trying to read his son’s face.<\/p>\n

“No.” Adam’s face did not reveal anything. “Not at all.”<\/p>\n

“Ah, good!” Ben followed his son’s look to the bucket and the tool box. “Oh, just leave it there. I’ll tell Hop Sing to put it away.”<\/p>\n

“Alright.” Adam gave his father a curt nod, took the ledgers and papers and left.<\/p>\n

Ben watched his son going upstairs and pressed his lips together.<\/p>\n

* * *<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam stopped at Lilyah’s room and opened the door, his face warming up. He had heard the soft sound of the oud already in the hallway, seeing her sitting on her bed playing the instrument was a sight that had engraved itself in his heart.<\/p>\n

“Hey,” he said softly. “Would you mind me doing some work here? I’ve got some calculations to figure, but still don’t want to miss your music.”<\/p>\n

“Of course not!” Her eyes lit up. “But won’t my playing disturb you?”<\/p>\n

“No.” He placed the ledgers on the small table. “Unless you start playing some real wild dance tune that would make me jump up and hop around in the room.”<\/p>\n

“Oh, I’d love to see that…”<\/p>\n

He smirked. “Tomorrow, my dear, tomorrow. But for now I’d love something real soothing.” He went to the door. “I’ll get my writing utensils.”<\/p>\n

Lilyah had started a calm, melancholic melody when he came back and took a seat, turning the lamp up brighter to have better sight. The table was rather small and he did his best to arrange the ledgers, the papers, his utensils and the lamp in a convenient way to work with.<\/p>\n

“This is beautiful…” He caressed her figure with his eyes, loving the graceful way she sat there with her legs bent beneath her, the oud on her lap. “Is there a name for this song?”<\/p>\n

“The Water Wheel,” she replied. “But a very slow version.”<\/p>\n

A smile softened his face until he finally managed to turn his eyes from her to look through the ledgers. His father’s attempts to correct and recorrect his flawed calculations had resulted in a mess, and the only reasonable thing for him to do now was starting it all anew. He drew in the air and a little sigh escaped without him noticing. Of course his father insisted on doing his books himself, like he had always done it and which, as he used to stress, had always been sufficient. But in the meanwhile the Ponderosa had grown to a size in which book keeping became real tedious and complicated, often exceeding the borders of Ben Cartwright’s natural patience. With both his brothers having an almost panicky flight instinct kicking in at the mere sight of an inkwell, the task of keeping the books in order was usually left to him – the studied one, the one who was so good with numbers.<\/p>\n

“You don’t like what you’re doing?” Lilyah asked tentatively, watching him just brooding and not writing anything.<\/p>\n

He looked up. “No, not exactly. It’s just one of those things that have to be done – something like mucking out stables or such. No one likes it, but someone has to do it.” He saw her curiously stretching her neck to have a look on the table and presented one of the ledgers for her to see.<\/p>\n

“Ugh…” She wrinkled her nose. “That looks awful.”<\/p>\n

He chuckled. “It’s only half as bad as it looks.”<\/p>\n

Lilyah played a few soft chords. “Joe told me you have a passion for such things…” She hesitated. “I couldn’t believe him. I mean, it’s so different from any art…”<\/p>\n

“Talent and passion isn’t necessarily the same,” Adam responded. “I’m quite good with numbers, but I certainly wouldn’t call it a ‘passion’. Yet, apart from the rather boring banality of book keeping, numbers can even have an advantage over art at times.”<\/p>\n

“How can they? They’re cold… unpoetic.”<\/p>\n

“That’s why!” He leaned back in the chair. “They’re logical, solid, accurate and first of all neutral. They never shift, never change. A poem can change its value and its meaning every odd time you look at it, the beauty that touched your soul yesterday might turn to cruelty stabbing your heart tomorrow; what once made you smile might bring you tears today. But numbers never change. A seven will always stay a seven – always the same old seven, unafflicted, untouched, unchanged – no matter what.”<\/p>\n

“Unless you subtract one,” she retorted. “Then it turns into a six!”<\/p>\n

Adam laughed. “Your metaphor limps, Lil. If you subtract one, it’s a logical operation fully under your control. And it rather proves the definite reliability of its value, insofar that it will always be six if you subtract one – not five, not eight, not six and a half, depending on circumstances out of your control.”<\/p>\n

Her fingers lay still, her small face concentrated in pondering his words.<\/p>\n

“Keep playing,” he said gently and opened his inkwell. “I want to get this over with.”<\/p>\n

“Alright…” Her fingers continued to softly strum the strings.<\/p>\n

Adam furrowed his brow as he looked at the columns of numbers. Numbers to keep his mind busy, and the soft tunes of the oud to soothe and pacify whatever thought might manage to slip from the focus of concentration. He wondered how similar this was to the motives of someone deliberately getting drunk to forget the reality of his life.<\/p>\n

* * *<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

It was late in the afternoon the following day when Adam lightly knocked on Lilyah’s door. The great room was prepared for the party, the first guests expected within the next hour. The musicians had already arrived and could be heard downstairs, tuning their instruments.<\/p>\n

The door was unlocked, but opened only a bit. “You’re alone?”<\/p>\n

“Sure…” He tried to get a glimpse of her. She obviously wore the red dress, but her upper body was covered with a shawl.<\/p>\n

“Come in!” She grabbed his arm and literally dragged him into the room before she hastily closed the door again.<\/p>\n

“What’s the matter?” Adam asked, the smile in his face getting deeper and deeper. She did wear the red dress with its wide, elaborate skirts, but something must have been wrong with the upper part. Her hair seemed a bit out of order, as if she had tried to bind it up and the heavy curls simply didn’t stay in place. He almost laughed as she turned around, just to have the extended seam of the wide skirt knocking over a small stool.<\/p>\n

“By the beard of the Prophet!” She watched as Adam courteously hurried to put the stool back on its feet. “And I’ve already dropped two of those stiff underskirts!”<\/p>\n

He pursed his lips, a thousand funny lights twinkling in his eyes. “Seems there’re still enough left…”<\/p>\n

“Yes…” She glanced over him, her hand touched his arm, then his shoulder, as if she was rediscovering him. “It’s the first time I’ve seen you in a white shirt…” Her fingers tipped the tie that he still had loosely dangling around his neck, then she probed his hair. “Ugh… what did you do with your hair?” She gave him an almost reproachful look. “You’ve flattened all your curls!”<\/p>\n

“I’ve greased it!” An amused twitch danced around his lips. “And getting rid of the curls was the ultimate goal of the whole procedure!”<\/p>\n

“But I love your curls…”<\/p>\n

There was an innocence in these words, so casual, so matter of course, that it momentarily took his speech away. While his eyes still smiled at her fingers fondling his hair, something inside of him threatened to flow over.<\/p>\n

“Don’t ruin my exhausting, backbreaking 15-minutes-work!” He caught her hand and brushed over his hair. “Tell me what’s the matter with this!” His finger gingerly touched her shawl-covered shoulder.<\/p>\n

“It’s so very low-necked. And I’m afraid that…” She broke off, her small hands clutched the shawl over her chest. “And I can’t close it… the hooks are on the back!”<\/p>\n

He smiled. “I see. Turn around, I’ll help you.”<\/p>\n

She didn’t move and lowered her eyes. “I’m afraid the wound can be seen…”<\/p>\n

“You didn’t try it on when they fixed it for you?”<\/p>\n

She shook her head. “They just held it against me. The lady said that would do…”<\/p>\n

“Alright,” he said softly. “Turn around, I’ll have a look.”<\/p>\n

Their eyes met for a moment and whatever she saw in his, it was enough to make her trust him. Turning her back to him, she allowed him to take off the shawl. Adam’s smile faded as he saw the deep scars that the puma attack had left on her back, exceeding over the laced trimmings of the dress. He suppressed the growing desire to touch them, to caress and comfort the mutilated skin, as if to prove that nothing could ever take away from the beauty he loved.<\/p>\n

“Does it still hurt?” The question slipped from his lips almost without his wanting.<\/p>\n

“No…” She turned her head to the side. “But they can be seen, can’t they?”<\/p>\n

“Yes.” He affectionately rubbed her shoulders. “Don’t fret, we’ll find a solution. Wait…” He went to the wardrobe and silently thanked God, or rather Allah, for the splendid abundance of veils and shawls she possessed. They were of all possible fabrics, from warm cashmere wool to nearly translucent silks and laces. He loved looking at them, touching them, imagining her wearing them. Aware of her eyes watching him, he caught himself and sorted through the fabrics, finally deciding for a thin black lace veil. “This one’s perfect!”<\/p>\n

Lilyah had not moved when he returned to her, the veil over his arm. Adam carefully began closing the hooks at the back of the dress, wondering with amazement at how small and lithe she really was. Even though she had surprisingly sinewy muscles on her shoulders and upper arms, doubtlessly due to her extended horsemanship, she still seemed so fragile that he feared a hard grip could break a bone. Boldly fighting down the wish to take her in his arms, he wrapped the thin veil around her shoulders, fastening it at the last hook. The laced trimmings of the dress were black, as well, so the light fabric melted into them as if it were made for it. “That should do the trick.” He took a step back. “Nothing can be seen from the wound.”<\/p>\n

“Thank you…” She cast a doubtful look at her d\u00e9collet\u00e9. “Don’t you think it’s too… much?”<\/p>\n

“No.” He took a few steps to watch her from front, and his eyes shone. “You’re just so beautiful… so very, very beautiful!”<\/p>\n

She gave him a bashful look, one in which the pleasure over his compliment and the admiration in his eyes gradually overcame the doubts. “You think so?”<\/p>\n

“I know it!” he specified, his eyes gliding over her small figure. She was beautiful indeed, especially when this was the first time he could see her bare arms and shoulders, the upper part from her soft, round breasts. The scarlet red of the dress complimented the warm dark golden tone of her skin; and her near black hair – as disorderly as it was – flowed so richly over her arms and shoulders that it seemed a shame to force it into any kind of hairdo at all. And her eyes – how often had he drowned in those eyes?<\/p>\n

“Now come on.” His voice suddenly sounded coarse. “Let’s see what we can do with your hair. As I think it wasn’t meant to be like this…” He touched a loose comb that hung a bit dislocated in a long, curled strand.<\/p>\n

“No…” She moved to the dressing table and sat down, a bit awkwardly as she clearly wasn’t used to move with the wide skirts. “I was just about to do something with it as you knocked, but it didn’t really work…”<\/p>\n

Adam watched her taking a brush and beginning to style her hair, and he was touched to see that she had the magazine that he had given her lying on the table, the page with the hairdos on top. He leaned against the wall and crossed his arms, but his silent joy over watching her faded a bit when he noticed the skeptical look she had at her own reflection in the mirror. Her fingers started tugging at the dress and the veil, trying to cover her bare shoulders. “Lil, don’t. It’s meant to be like this!” He stepped forward and arranged the veil in a way that left her shoulders bare.<\/p>\n

“Don’t you think it looks a bit… indecent?” She gave him an uncertain look. “I mean, the imam wouldn’t like it very much…”<\/p>\n

“Lilyah…” He shook his head. “It’s not the imam that takes you to the dance, hm?”<\/p>\n

“No…” She couldn’t help a chuckle and looked into the magazine. “Adam, I don’t think I have the hair for that.”<\/p>\n

“Lil, you have the most wonderful hair! It’s just a matter of technique. Wait…” He resolutely took a comb and began to fumble with the long waves. Casting a controlling look into the magazine every so often, he proceeded to pin up the strands.<\/p>\n

“Is it normal for American men to do this?” Lilyah didn’t know whether to laugh or not, watching his reflection in the mirror.<\/p>\n

He pulled an innocent face. “Sure… out here in the West men and women help each other!”<\/p>\n

Her eyes twinkled as she regarded his concentrated expression and she had to bite down a giggle when he put a long hairpin in his mouth to have his hands free for arranging another one. “And you’re sure you know what you’re doing?”<\/p>\n

“I’m a man of many talents!” A sparkle danced in his eyes as he picked up another hair comb and fastened it. “Besides, I’m a studied engineer. Complicated technical problems fascinate me.” He stepped back and looked over his work. “Now, what d’you say?”<\/p>\n

“Hmm…” Lilyah gazed at the magazine. “The woman in the drawing has it differently – all her curls look the same, all have the same direction, and merely reach to her shoulders…”<\/p>\n

Adam squinted. “That’s got nothing to say. Her hair is much shorter and most likely straight. The curls were made with an iron and therefore they all look the same. Your hair is naturally curly, and if you ask me, that’s much nicer!” He tapped at a golden comb. “I did quite good for a first time, huh?”<\/p>\n

Lilyah smirked and couldn’t resist to slightly shake her head – causing the pinned up masterpiece to slip and the strands fall down again. Adam looked so dumbfounded that she burst out laughing.<\/p>\n

“Nasty little cat that you are!” He slumped on the small stool and placed his elbow on the dressing table, resting his chin in his hand in mocking resignation. “Why do I get the sinking feeling that you’re not taking me seriously?”<\/p>\n

“I don’t have the slightest idea…” She was still giggling. Her hand brushed over his cheek and her eyes warmed. He was freshly shaven, and she loved the smooth feeling of his skin, especially where it softened above his jawline. Her giggle ceased as she pondered whether she could kiss him or not.<\/p>\n

“Come here…” Adam’s hand cupped her face and he bowed forward, gently kissing her lips. For several dreamy, wonderful moments they gingerly caressed each other; and they both had to force themselves to interrupt the self-forgotten tenderness.<\/p>\n

Lilyah ruefully pulled back. “I think… I have a better idea for my hair.” She got up and turned to the wardrobe, just to have her skirts knocking the dainty stool over again.<\/p>\n

Adam smirked impertinently. “We’ll practice the elegant lady walk tomorrow. For now, we’re lucky that my brothers have moved all the furniture downstairs to the walls!”<\/p>\n

She plucked a comb from her hair and threw it at him, but couldn’t resist chiming in with his laughter.<\/p>\n

Adam picked up the comb and put the stool back on its feet, barely taking his eyes from her. She was stunningly beautiful in the red dress, but it was a strangely static beauty – the beauty of a picture. Compared with her usual Oriental robes, it lacked the beauty of the motion, the radiant gracefulness of her movements, the soft flow of the silk so alluringly shimmering around her figure. The red dress showed more skin with its low neck, revealed more of her figure with its tight waistline, but the Oriental gowns were more enchanting in their veiled promises. And while the red dress looked like it was rather uncomfortable to wear, the flowing Oriental robes showed a lovely woman contentedly resting in her own beauty. He smiled to himself. There was no doubt which style would be the preferable one.<\/p>\n

“I’m just not sure if it’s not too pompous for the party!” Lilyah took her travel bag out of the wardrobe where she stored most of the jewelry she didn’t wear on a regular basis.<\/p>\n

Adam did not reply, his lips parted as he watched her carrying the bag to the bed and starting to search in it.<\/p>\n

“What’s this?” Lilyah pulled a small black pouch out of the travel bag and sat down, opening it. She recognized the sapphire collar at once as she poured it into her hand – the same collar that she had sold to get the money for Adam’s horse. A small slip of paper was attached to it. She looked over to Adam who sat there, casually studying his fingernails. Unfolding the slip, she read the few words written on it.\u00a0‘This too is a gift. I love you. Adam.’<\/em><\/p>\n

She glanced over to him. He didn’t look up, as if he suddenly feared the reaction in her eyes.<\/p>\n

“Adam…” She let the collar glide on the bed cover. “Adam, you shoudn’t have done it. I… I didn’t even miss it…”<\/p>\n

A small smile played around his lips. “I know. But remember what you told me – that you carry these jewels around to be funded in a case of emergency. I didn’t want you to subtract from this.”<\/p>\n

She shook her head. “But there is still enough left, and half of it is as good as yours, anyway…”<\/p>\n

He looked up, his brow tensed in sudden attention. “What do you mean – it’s as good as mine?”<\/p>\n

“Err…” She blushed, bashfully avoiding his look. “I mean… I thought… think…” She nervously began playing with her fingers.<\/p>\n

“You think what?” He came over to her and sat down next to her, his fingers softly lifting her chin. “What did you think?”<\/p>\n

She didn’t look up and her cheeks seemed to blush even more. “I thought, we… might… probably stay together, and… I mean…” She broke off.<\/p>\n

His heart skipped a beat, but he managed to keep his voice calm. “Sure we will, there’s no question about that… Even if people start talking, I’d never mind.”<\/p>\n

She squirmed. “Talking?”<\/p>\n

“Oh, sure.” Adam pursed his lips. She still didn’t look up. “You see, a man and a woman living together without being married… uhm, that’s quite something for folks to talk about.”<\/p>\n

“You… don’t want to marry?” Her voice was very, very thin.<\/p>\n

“Aw, I’d love to!” His thumb caressed her chin. “It’s just that the young lady who holds my heart has sworn to never, ever marry in her life.”<\/p>\n

She sat very still, her eyes lowered. “She… might just change her mind…”<\/p>\n

The warmest smile grew in his eyes, gradually spreading over his features. He brought his face so close to hers that she couldn’t avoid looking at him any longer. “Has she?” he asked quietly.<\/p>\n

Her dark eyes finally met his, her cheek nestling to his caressing hand. She silently nodded her head, and the deep love she could see in his hazel eyes made her own heart flow over. She took his face in both hands, loving and caressing it before she impulsively closed her arms around him and kissed him. He pressed her to his chest so hard that it almost hurt, his response to her kiss was so passionate that it took her breath away. She felt his hands everywhere and gasped as his lips touched her ear.<\/p>\n

“I love you…” he whispered, almost inaudible. He kissed her so softly, his lips touching her neck, her shoulder. She shivered in his arms, her voice was as whispering as his. “And I love you…”<\/p>\n

Their eyes met and it took both of them considerable effort to loosen the intense embrace, to move apart. Lilyah tried a smile, more rueful than bashful. “We’d better… go…”<\/p>\n

“Yah.” Adam had to catch his breath, his arms felt painfully empty as she pulled back. There was so much to say, so much… And yet he felt that if they wouldn’t cut it off now, they were likely to go too far. From downstairs, he could hear the noises depicting the arrival of the first guests. This wasn’t the time and the place now.<\/p>\n

“Just two things I want to make clear.” He looked at her, his fingers couldn’t resist caressing her neck. “First, don’t you ever forget what I’ve promised you at the Indian Needle – you will always be free, married or not! And second…” His hand pointed to the travel bag. “These things remain yours, and yours alone! You see, there is something strange about American men; they take some pride in providing for their wives, they don’t want to be provided for.”<\/p>\n

She lovingly brushed over his cheek. “As long as you love me, nothing else will ever matter!”<\/p>\n

His lips moved, but for a moment he did not know what to say. There was a seriousness in her words that was humbling and adulating the same time. Looking into her large, dark eyes, he felt like she simply put her whole being into his hands. He had never gotten a gift so precious before.<\/p>\n

“I will always love you.” His voice wavered and he noticed that his fingertips trembled. Deep inside of him, a desire rose up that threatened to overwhelm him. “We…” He cleared his throat. “… we better get going or we’ll miss the party… What was that about your hair?” He suddenly felt sheepish and clumsy, but Lilyah did not seem to mind or notice.<\/p>\n

“Oh… err… I meant this thing here…” She began searching in her travel back and produced a fine diadem made from fragile golden ornaments adorned with little pearls. “That would do to keep the hair up – I’m just not sure if it’s appropriate.”<\/p>\n

“It sure is!” Adam had regained his composure. “Come on, hurry! I can’t wait to see it on you.”<\/p>\n

She returned to the dressing table and began to do her hair. Adam sat and watched, lovingly and full of warm emotions. The result didn’t resemble the hairdo in the magazine, but it was lovelier than anything he saw before. Even though she had pinned quite an amount of her hair up, the long waves still flowed down her back, covering her shoulders. He surmised she felt more comfortable with it.<\/p>\n

“You’re beautiful!” He got up and stepped closer, placing his hands on her shoulders and watching her reflection in the mirror. “I can’t wait to hold you in my arms for a night full of dance!”<\/p>\n

Her eyes shone as she looked up to him through the mirror. She put on her earrings and a necklace and was about to reach for another piece of jewelry as he placed his hand on hers.<\/p>\n

“No,” he said softly. “Leave it at that.”<\/p>\n

“You don’t think it’s too much bare skin?”<\/p>\n

“Absolutely not!” He shook his head and motioned her to get up, turning her around to him. “It’s not very much like me that I’m going to repeat myself like an old parrot, but – you’re so beautiful!”<\/p>\n

“Aww…” Her smiling eyes revealed the joy over his compliments that so effectively chased away her doubts. “You go on like this and I’ll begin to feel like a princess!”<\/p>\n

Adam chuckled. “Not a princess – a queen!” He turned to the mirror himself, brushing over his hair before starting to button up his shirt. Finally, he bound the tie.<\/p>\n

Lilyah watched with a crinkled brow. “Do you think it’s a good idea to strangle yourself?”<\/p>\n

Adam laughed. “Fashion is more powerful than any tyrant!” He gave her an amused look. “Honestly, I don’t know what sadistical misanthrope had invented this tormentous device, but it has grown into a must for the fashionable, modern man these days.”<\/p>\n

“Must have been the same that invented this tormentous contraption.” She brushed over her skirts.<\/p>\n

His eyes were laughing as he offered her his arm. “I think I’ll have to have a good eye on you tonight. The other men will fall all over themselves to snatch a dance with you.”<\/p>\n

Her brow furrowed. “But they certainly would not\u00a0dare!<\/em>\u00a0I’m the daughter of Sheikh Rashid Al-Sharieh!”<\/p>\n

Adam stumped, his eyes widening as for one unsettling moment a notion of possible trouble passed his thoughts. But then he brushed it off. He simply wouldn’t move an inch from her side and he had no intention to let anyone else dance with her, anyway. She would be all his, and his alone.<\/p>\n

He chuckled as he led her to the door. “By the way, you’re improving.”<\/p>\n

“What do you mean?”<\/p>\n

Adam grinned from one ear to the other. “You’ve made it to the door without knocking something over!”<\/p>\n

She laughed and tickled his belly.<\/p>\n

* * *<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Downstairs, the great room had already filled with early guests, and Ben Cartwright had just greeted an army captain from Fort Churchill as he saw his oldest son and his Arab guest at the corner of the stairs. His jaw dropped. It was worse than he had ever imagined. From the edge of his eye, he noticed the suddenly sharp look of Captain Stewart.<\/p>\n

“Why, Ben… you didn’t tell me you have Indians in the house!”<\/p>\n

* * *<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

34. Crapulous Contemporaries\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

Ben drew a deep breath. “She’s not an Indian!”<\/p>\n

Captain Stewart let out a little laugh. “Ben, I know that you’ve got a certain partiality for the savages, but – I recognize an Apache when I see one, even in such apparel. After all, I’ve been…”<\/p>\n

“Her mother was from a very noble family in Boston, a family of old English heritage!” Ben interrupted sharply. He saw the look on the captain’s face and moderated his voice, adding rather unwillingly, “Her father was an Arab sheikh.”<\/p>\n

“Ah, I see… I’m sorry.” Captain Stewart’s face did not reveal his thoughts and he seemed genuinely glad for Hop Sing offering a tray with glasses, thus providing some much needed diversion from an awkward moment.<\/p>\n

Ben just nodded. He could not even blame the captain. Bey Sharaf’s daughter… his silent hope that a normal gown would somehow divert from her outlandish looks had been thoroughly shattered. Set against the low-necked dress, her complexion appeared even darker than before, revealing that her bronze golden skin tone wasn’t just tanned by the sun, but her natural color. Her solemn face with the high forehead, the slightly aquiline nose and the haughty look from near black eyes actually did remind of an Indian. She stood very erect at Adam’s side, her back straightened, head held high, her whole composure of a dignified aloofness that didn’t do much to evoke any affability. Once again, he could see her father’s features behind her sphinx-like austerity, this contradictory mixture of aristocracy and barbarism that had been so typical for the arrogant sheikh. To top it off, the flamboyant scarlet dress was an unlucky choice, as was the style of her long dark hair flowing over her back. This might have been appropriate for a high society party in New Orleans, but it was a tad out of place for a social dance in rural Nevada. What was this woman thinking? And why on earth hadn’t Adam taken care of that? How blind could he be?<\/p>\n

Ben pressed his lips together as he watched his eldest son, clad in his best dark suit, his hand so proudly covering the small brown hand on his arm. He saw Adam’s long fingers covertly caressing hers, saw the softness on his face, the warmth in his eyes as he bowed to murmur something into her ears. He seemed totally oblivious to the fact that most of the guests avoided to openly look in their direction, seemed blind towards the more or less hidden disparagement on their faces, the furtive side-glances. Ben had a sinking feeling. It was so unlike Adam to put his heart above his mind, let his emotions completely erase his usually so levelheaded rationality. He didn’t even seem to realize that such a mesalliance would severely harm his standing in the community, given that a marriage would likely be illegal. And he was the oldest son – the one supposed to run the Ponderosa one day, the one who would most depend on good relations and connections. Even that seemed to have disappeared from his thoughts. Ben could not for the life of him believe that Adam would seriously put this woman above his own future, his well-being, even above the Ponderosa, and he dreaded the day that his eldest would awake from his lovestruck drunkenness.<\/p>\n

“Real bad news we’ve got about Cold Harbor, isn’t it?”<\/p>\n

“Err…” It took a moment until Ben realized that Captain Stewart was talking to him. “Oh yes, yes, a terrible loss!” He sincerely hoped to keep the subject of the war out of his house, but of course the news of Grant’s sound defeat at Cold Harbor just a week ago still was a much talked about topic in town.<\/p>\n

A new wave of guests appeared at the door and he hastened to greet them, while gesticulating to the band to tune up to a spirited dance melody.<\/p>\n

* * *<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam wasn’t blind towards the reaction of the guests, even though only a very attentive spectator would have noticed the barely perceptible twist of his lips. He hadn’t foreseen such a reception, or rather never spent a thought on it before, and yet he wasn’t exactly surprised. After all, these were the same people who had almost fallen flat on their backsides the moment Thomas Bowers had stepped out of the stage coach. The same people who so deliberately had looked the other way when Squaw Charlie had gotten into trouble. The same people that were nowhere to be seen when the Chinese had been molested in the streets of Virginia City. His hand reassuringly stroked over Lilyah’s back. Her very straight composure told him that she had noticed the cold attitude, but her small face kept its unfazed serenity. By now he knew her well enough to tell that this demonstrative dignity was her way to hide discomfort or insecurity, and a tender pride filled his heart, mixed with a trace of pity. It would not be easy for her, but she would stand her ground. He would guard her and he would shield her with everything he had.<\/p>\n

As the musicians began their dance tune, many of the guests readily began swirling through the great room which appeared a lot larger than it was with all the furniture shoved aside. The settee and armchairs were moved to the walls, the ledge of the giant hearth covered with cushions for people to sit on, the tables, loaded with trays of food and bowls of drink, were all scrambled around Ben’s desk. Hoss hovered over the large bowl with spiced wine, handing out drinks to a couple of guests; Hop Sing whizzled through the dancing pairs, balancing a tray of glasses over his head and managing the seemingly impossible feat of bowing to everyone without dropping a glass. The musicians at the other end of the room looked almost funny, squashed in a tiny spot at the far wall of the kitchen entry, and one could only hope that the enthusiastic fiddler wouldn’t poke out one of his colleagues’ eyes with his whirling bow. The buoyant music laid a breezy atmosphere over the room; and the couple at the corner of the stairs seemed all but forgotten.<\/p>\n

Adam lowered his head to Lilyah’s ear. “Come on, let’s dance…”<\/p>\n

Lilyah looked up to him, for the first time since they had stopped at the staircase, almost afraid that the cold reception of the guests might show in his face. She knew he had noticed, a slight tension in his posture and his comforting hand at her back had told her, and she dreaded to see that this might have destroyed the joyful mood he had been in. But his features were relaxed, no shadow darkened his hazel eyes. There rather seemed to be a reassuring twinkle, as if he had sensed her fears and wanted to put her at ease. Her own eyes began to smile, all her uneasiness vanished and she lovingly squeezed his arm. “I’m not quite sure if I’d know how…”<\/p>\n

He chuckled. “Sure you do – I’ll lead you!” He softly motioned her down the staircase and cleared his throat as the backs of two women standing at the side of the dancing ground were in the way. Both ladies turned half around and quickly did a step backwards.<\/p>\n

“Oh, Mister Cartwright…” The elder of both smiled at him – only at him. She didn’t even look at Lilyah. The other one just nodded, her critical gaze wandering up and down Lilyah’s dress, but avoiding her face.<\/p>\n

“Ladies.” Adam gave them a curt nod and swiftly led Lilyah to the middle of the room. This was their night and he would not let anything spoil it for her. He could feel the piercing stares in his back when he gently positioned Lilyah in front of him, but then her sight banished everything else far, far away. Her dark eyes looking up to him touched his heart.<\/p>\n

“Alright…” he whispered, taking her right hand in his left and placing his right around her waist. “Put your other hand on my shoulder, just like this…” Pulling her a little closer to him, he suppressed the wish to kiss her. “And then just round… and round… and round…” He began to swirl her around, slowly first, until he noticed that she had no trouble following his lead. He saw her eyes shining, smiling at him, and the rest of the party was no longer a part of their world.<\/p>\n

“Hey, Lily!” That was Little Joe’s voice; the youngest Cartwright coming to halt from his own dance next to them as the music paused. “You look wonderful tonight!”<\/p>\n

“Thank you, Joe.” She made no attempt to take her hands off Adam, who in turn did not let her go, but drew her even closer to him.<\/p>\n

“Lily, I’d be tempted to dance with you myself!” Joe grinned all over his face. “Just how do we get rid of Adam?”<\/p>\n

Adam smirked. “Get lost, little buddy!”<\/p>\n

Joe laughed and turned to his own girl as the music began playing again, hastily assuring her that she was, of course, the prettiest girl in the Comstock.<\/p>\n

Adam’s smirk turned into an affectionate smile as he looked down into Lilyah’s face, pulling her so close to him that she had to raise on her toes to not lose her footing. “A night full of dance…” he murmured into her ear and began to dance, with little care that her wide skirts did not really get a chance to swing with his legs pressing against the folds.<\/p>\n

Lilyah did not mind, as little as she cared about the covert glances cast in their direction, as little as she was bothered by the silver-haired man whose demonstrative smiles did not reflect in his eyes. For her, all that existed in the world right now was Adam, all she saw were his warm, loving eyes, and she felt nothing but his hands on her, his arm holding her so tight, the warmth of his body so close to hers.<\/p>\n

* * *<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

“She’s not an Indian!” It must have been the sixth or seventh time Ben had recited that by now, this time to a very skeptical looking Barney Fuller. “Her mother was an old friend of mine, she was from a very distinctive Boston family of noble English heritage!” He sent a glowering look to his oldest son who just started on his third dance, without bothering to greet any guests or assume his place at his father’s side for that purpose, as it had always been his manner before. Quite obviously, Adam had no eyes for anything but the woman in his arms. “Her father was an Arab sheikh from Morocco!”<\/p>\n

“The father certainly shows…” Barney Fuller took a puff of his considerably smelly cigar, with not much care that the thick smoke he spread around wasn’t exactly appreciated by everyone in the small group of men that had assembled near the front door, out of the way of the dancing couples. “Ben, I hate to tell you, but your boy is heading for trouble if he’s getting serious with that girl!”<\/p>\n

“I’m afraid Mr. Fuller is right.” Frank Miller pulled a most concerned face. “The whole town is talking already. Unfortunately, it has been around that he spent a week in the wild with her. I’ve tried my best to nip the gossip in the bud, but then there wasn’t much I could do.”<\/p>\n

“I know, Frank.” Ben’s face had darkened. “Thanks for trying, anyway…”<\/p>\n

“Adam’s my friend!” The young man straightened his back, visibly pleased by Ben’s grateful look.<\/p>\n

“Well, he certainly cannot marry her!” Leopold Carter chimed in and stretched his rather long and meager neck, his hand waving the clouds of Fuller’s smoke away. “We’ve got laws against that!”<\/p>\n

Ben’s face darkened even more as he scanned the scraggy town council member of Virginia City. He knew that this had to come up, and still he asked, “What does that mean?” An underlying growl darkened his voice.<\/p>\n

“Well…” Carter’s adam’s apple jumped up and down, causing the bow tie to twitch. “You probably remember that I was part of the first Territorial Legislature in Carson City in October 1861, along with…”<\/p>\n

“We all remember that.” Fuller interrupted with an air of boredom, a lopsided grin on his rugged face. “There hasn’t a day passed since October ’61 on which you wouldn’t have mentioned it.”<\/p>\n

Some suppressed chuckles sprang up in the group. Besides Ben, Fuller, Carter and the two Millers, William Simmons from the Cattlemen Association completed the circle.<\/p>\n

Ben did not chuckle, his look became threatening. “What laws exactly?”<\/p>\n

“Well…” Carter giggled like a girl, more out of insecurity than any amusement, his bow tie hopping up and down. “It’s about… ah, yes… cohabitation! It prohibits cohabitation between whites and… other…” The words stuck in his throat as he noticed Ben Cartwright’s sinister face. “I mean…”<\/p>\n

Ben noisily drew in the air, his eyes spitting fire at the council member who seemed to shrivel under the glare. But before he could get a word out, Barney Fuller had placed his hands on his arm.<\/p>\n

“As far as I know, that law only applies to Chinese and Negroes,” he said temperately. “I personally know a man who had married an Indian squaw, and while he was ruined socially, no one ever accused him of breaking the law.”<\/p>\n

“He probably was just lucky,” William Simmons remarked. “Because he did break the law – it explicitely forbids cohabitation with Indians, Chinese and Negroes.”<\/p>\n

Leopold Carter eagerly nodded his head, looking from one to another as if to reassure himself that everybody was aware of his important role in the carving of the legislation. Upon meeting Ben’s glare, he pulled in his head like a frightened turtle.<\/p>\n

“But this young lady is neither an Indian, nor a Chinese, nor a Negro!” Ben swallowed down the rest of his words he already had on his tongue. What else should he say? What could he say? Or do? Throw Carter and Simmons out of the house and make everything worse? He took a deep breath and tried to calm himself down. If only it were Joe, where he could have leaned back comfortably and just sit it out, resting assured with the certainty that the flames of passion would burn down as quickly as they had flared up. But Adam was a different matter entirely.<\/p>\n

“Ben, you should talk to your son,” Simmons said with a long look at the dancing couple. “He’s always been such a reasonable young man, he will listen to you. Just make him understand that he, as the oldest son of one of our most influential families, has a certain responsibility to bear.”<\/p>\n

“I’m sure he will listen!” Frank Miller nodded his head. “He’s a Cartwright, and he takes his reputation very seriously. I’ve always admired him for that!”<\/p>\n

“I’m convinced he will do what is best for himself and our community!” Carter added with renewed surety, precipitately looking around for affirmation.<\/p>\n

“Yes, our community…” There was a slight mocking in the tone of Henry Miller, who up to then had not said a word. The brawny ranch owner who had once again failed to demonstrate his wealth in his attire, in stark contrast to his fashionably dressed son, smirked to himself as he noticed the looks of the others. Squinting his eyes, his chin vaguely pointed to the dance floor. “It takes a man to stand up to a woman like this. And that’s what we need in our community, gents. Men – not spineless fops worrying about their reputation!” Without waiting for any reaction, he strolled off to the buffet.<\/p>\n

“Well, gents, that’s Old Henry for you!” Barney Fuller laughed. “Still the same old roughneck that he’s always been!”<\/p>\n

“But there’s some truth to what he said.” Ben stumped as he suddenly noticed the bitterness on Frank Miller’s face. “Frank… nobody said anything against your father!”<\/p>\n

“Blast, certainly not!” Fuller flung his cigar around, unconcerned about the perturbed faces and waving hands of those who got the rather odious smoke into their nostrils. “He was one of the first here! Ben, d’you remember how we three fought nails and claws over that piece of land near the Washoe lake and then that Mormon croaker snatched it from under our noses? Gosh, were we blasted!”<\/p>\n

“Oh, and how!” Ben laughed, hastily, a bit artificially, but still glad for the change of the subject. Turning to Frank Miller, he put a hand on the young man’s arm. “Frank, what are you doing wasting your time with us old blokes, anyway? A young feller like you should be dancing and charming the ladies! Just look how many nice young girls still haven’t found a cavalier!”<\/p>\n

The young man smiled, but didn’t come to answer as a loud brawl erupted at the buffet. Breaking dishes could be heard, the sound of thumps and beats, and an aggressive voice yelling out,<\/p>\n

“Do you know what they call him? The butcher! The fumbling butcher!”<\/p>\n

* * *<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

“You stay here!” Adam hastily motioned Lilyah to the gun shelf near the staircase and turned to the ruckus that had erupted at the buffet. He wasn’t even surprised to see his youngest brother in the middle of it, trying to help a screaming young man back on his legs. Adam recalled that Joe had struck a friendship with the man, but he couldn’t recall his name. Quite obviously, the young guy had had too much drink.<\/p>\n

“A butcher! YES! That’s what he is!” he kept on yelling, struggling against Joe’s grip, deaf to his admonishments. “And that’s all you have, the butcher and that maniacal murderer who slaughters women and children and burns the land! You can be proud of such generals!”<\/p>\n

His words would have gotten him a few more blows had it not been for Adam and Hoss who got in between. While Hoss held two raunchy farmers in his grip, Adam was faced with a soldier of Captain Stewart’s company.<\/p>\n

“You better take your hands off me, or you’ll get in some serious trouble!” the soldier hissed, trying in vain to loosen Adam’s hands from his collar.<\/p>\n

Adam’s eyes darkened at the threat, but he knew better than to fight a soldier of Fort Churchill. He slowly took off his hands. “Just mind your manners for as long as you’re a guest in this house!”<\/p>\n

“Not as long as you shelter Southern conspiracists!”<\/p>\n

“Southern conspiracists, my foot!” Joe angrily jumped up, his green eyes shooting flashes. “His brother fought for the North!”<\/p>\n

“His brother was a deserter!” the soldier snapped. “And he got executed as one!”<\/p>\n

“He only deserted because our mother was killed by Union soldiers!” The young guy charged forward, dragging Joe who was clinging to him with him. “Who would ever fight for a pack of dirty rapists?”<\/p>\n

“Josh, Josh, calm down!” Joe tried all he could to drag his friend back, but couldn’t prevent the clash with the soldier who lashed out before Adam could seize his arm again. The soldier hit the young man in the face and knocked him down; he would have hit again but Adam grabbed him by the collar and pushed him back.<\/p>\n

“Cartwright, I won’t warn you again!”<\/p>\n

“What’s going on here?” Ben’s voice thundered over the scene. The music had stopped playing, everybody thronged forward to have a better look.<\/p>\n

“That’s young Bonham!” someone said. “His mother took her own life. No one’s to blame for that but herself!”<\/p>\n

“That’s not true and you know it!” Joe was seething. “She took her life after she was violated by Union soldiers down in New Orleans, when she was visiting her family. That was when this criminal Butler declared all women in New Orleans free for his soldiers to take!”<\/p>\n

The soldier brushed Adam’s hands off him and took a step back. “Who cares for a Southern slut?”<\/p>\n

“My mother was from the South, too!” No one could react as fast as Joe lunged forward, shattering his fist against the soldier, hitting him at the shoulder. Adam charged after him and managed to grab his brother’s arms to drag him away, but just as he had him immobilized, the soldier struck back and crashed his fist into Joe’s face. Furious, Adam let go of his brother and lashed out himself, sending the soldier spiraling into one of the tables. Dishes and glasses broke with shattering noise.<\/p>\n

“Adam! Joseph!” Ben was more concerned than angry, rushing to grab hold of his youngest. “We’re not letting the war into this house!”<\/p>\n

“There is no neutrality in this war!” Captain Stewart made himself heard. “Decker! Out!” His cold eyes watched his soldier staggering back on his feet, grabbing for a hold at everything to steady himself. “Pull yourself together, man!”<\/p>\n

The soldier did his best to assume a straight composure and teeter to the front door, not looking left or right.<\/p>\n

“He was not at fault, Captain!” A farmer from Washoe county wiggled himself out of Hoss’s grip and brushed over his disheveled clothes. “That Southern sympathizer kept on provoking him!”<\/p>\n

“He did nothing of the kind!” Joe flared up, shrugging off his father’s hand to take care of his friend. “He only told the truth!”<\/p>\n

“I’d be careful with such utterings, young man!” Captain Stewart remarked. “A man can get arrested for less than that!”<\/p>\n

“Yes…” Josh Bonham struggled onto his feet. “And then held in detention without a charge for ages! Just what’s happening to thousands of people throughout the country!”<\/p>\n

“Precisely!” Stewart confirmed. “And right now I can see two more candidates for such a detention in front of me!”<\/p>\n

“Now wait a minute!” Adam stepped forward. “We still have laws in this country…”<\/p>\n

“There is only one law in this country and this is Martial Law!” Stewart retorted. “And if you’re hinting at the writ of habeas corpus, you probably should know that it doesn’t exist anymore. President Lincoln has suspended it nationwide, already back in 1862! And for utterings such as have been made by your brother and his mindless friend, any soldier would have the right to arrest them. And you as well, Adam, for lashing out against a soldier of the Union. Such an action is generally regarded as treason!”<\/p>\n

“Now hold it there!” Ben cut in. “We’re not going to make a state affair out of a harmless drunken brawl!”<\/p>\n

“It certainly wasn’t a harmless brawl!” The farmer puffed himself up. “That Southa…tha…tha…” He couldn’t get the word out, suddenly gasping and choking. It probably had something to do with the giant fist that had seized his neck.<\/p>\n

“Hoss!”<\/p>\n

Hoss pulled an innocent face. “But I ain’t doing nothin’, Pa… Just restin’ my hand a little…” He loosened his grip and watched in feigned surprise as his victim slumped over the table, coughing and retching. “Oh, sorry…”<\/p>\n

“Don’t worry, Ben.” Captain Stewart did not flinch. “I’m just about to forget what I’ve heard. But I hope some people will remember my words – and mind them. We’re living in dangerous times, gents, and a lot of things have changed.”<\/p>\n

“Yeah, for the worse!” Josh Bonham couldn’t let it go. “But you’ll lose this war! You’ll lose! That fumbling bu…” His words were cut off as Joe pressed his hand against his mouth and attempted to drag him out of the room. Bonham struggled, but Adam impulsively took his other side. Together, the brothers hauled him out of the house, and his suppressed mutterings went unheard.<\/p>\n

“Alright, there’s nothing more to see!” Ben clapped his hands together and marched to the middle of the room. “And we’ll going to continue our party and have a good time together! Music, music!”<\/p>\n

The small band began to play again.<\/p>\n

* * *<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Lilyah felt increasingly uncomfortable after Adam had disappeared outside. A part of her wanted to go after him, another one wanted to retreat to her room, but she kept standing at her place near the gun shelf, maintaining her outwardly unfazed composure. She caught the gapes of a group of people, looking her over and then sticking their heads together, whispering, and she felt that she was the subject of the discussion. It was an awkward feeling and she began loathing the dress she wore. It made her feel like she was half naked, exposed to everybody’s looks in an unbearably indecent manner. Straightening her back, she raised her head and gave herself a proud and detached demeanor. She was Sheikh Rashid’s daughter! It would take more than a few gaping kafirs to make her feel low!<\/p>\n

“Missy?” Hop Sing had silently approached her and politely held up a tray with a single glass on it. “Hop Sing notice Missy has no dlink!”<\/p>\n

She gave him a disconcerted smile and took one gaze at what looked like a glass of wine. “No, thank you very much, Hop Sing, but…”<\/p>\n

“Hop Sing knows!” Lowering his voice, the cook conspiringly bowed forward, a witty smile broadening his face. “No alcohol for little Miss!” He blinked at her and whispered, “It’s lemonade! Hop Sing just made look like wine!”<\/p>\n

“Oh…” Lilyah’s smile warmed and she accepted the glass, strangely touched by his thoughtfulness. “Thank you, Hop Sing, I really was getting thirsty…”<\/p>\n

“You vely welcome, Missy!” The cook performed a polite bow and scurried off.<\/p>\n

With the music resuming, some of the guests started dancing again, while others were discussing the incident. From the fragments she could hear, no one seemed much surprised that Little Joe Cartwright had taken side of the ‘rebel’, but most were amazed that Adam had backed up his brother. Lilyah twisted her lips. What were they thinking? Of course Adam would stand up for his brother. She flinched as she heard something about Southern belles, and ‘dresses like that’ that were worn in the South by the ladies of the big plantations. Her eyes glided to the closed front door. Where was Adam?<\/p>\n

“Are you joshing?” someone laughed. “I know nothing about Southern belles and what dresses they wear, but I can tell you one sure thing that they always are: white!”<\/p>\n

“May I?” A voice ripped her out of her thoughts and the next thing she saw was a hand touching her arm. In an instant reflex, she withdrew her arm and took a step back. A wave of anger welled up in her and she had to remind herself that being touched by a man did not necessarily portend an intentional offense in this country.<\/p>\n

“I’m asking for this dance!” It was Frank Miller who now donned his most charming smile and reached out for her arm again.<\/p>\n

Lilyah took another step back and bumped against the railing of the staircase. “I’m sorry, I don’t dance!”<\/p>\n

“But that can’t be true! I saw you dancing before – with Adam!” His hand touched her arm again and he stepped even closer to her.<\/p>\n

She angrily evaded his touch and moved away sideways, in direction of the buffet. “Please, Sir, I prefer to be left alone!”<\/p>\n

He followed, his smile had gotten as penetrant as it was revealing its fakeness. There was an offended stubbornness in his steel blue eyes that stood in dire contrast with his exaggeratedly displayed elegance. His voice was low, like a stealth whisper only audible for her ears, and somehow it seemed as if he was mumbling to himself. “But I’m just as good as Adam Cartwright – it shouldn’t make much of a difference…” He reached out again.<\/p>\n

“And I don’t like to be touched!” Lilyah did not longer try to hide her anger or lower her voice, her dark eyes flaming.<\/p>\n

“But you didn’t mind\u00a0him<\/em>\u00a0touching you!” He grabbed her upper arm. “And what is good for him is…”<\/p>\n

“Take your paws off me, you fleabitten son of a dog!” Lilyah furiously pulled back and bumped against one of the tables. She did not care that by now everybody was looking in her direction as she probed for something to throw.<\/p>\n

“You little…” He didn’t come any further as a plate full of snacks crashed in his face. Stumbling backwards, he felt a harsh grip hauling him around, and then a fist exploded in his face, sending him gyrating through the room and taking a hard landing on the floor.<\/p>\n

Adam’s eyes were spitting fire as he followed, tensed as if he were just readying himself for another attack. His forefinger pointed at Frank Miller. “If you ever dare touching my fianc\u00e9e again, I’ll kill you!”<\/p>\n

“Adam! What’s gotten into you?” Ben bowed down to young Miller and helped him struggling back on his feet.<\/p>\n

“I just asked her to dance, that was all!” Frank Miller wiped his bloody nose. “I wanted to be polite and show her some kindness because she seemed to be so neglected. I mean… you know what we talked about, and I thought I could help it…”<\/p>\n

“I know!” Ben soothed, slightly miffed at himself for having completely lost sight of her. “You only meant well! I for one can appreciate that.”<\/p>\n

“Seems your ‘fianc\u00e9e’ could use a few lessons in civilization!” Barney Fuller mocked, his smouldering cigar dangling between grinning teeth. “Anyway, my congratulations!”<\/p>\n

Adam slowly came around, his eyes darkening as he glared at the older man. He had the vague suspicion that Fuller vastly enjoyed the situation – and would have the most mischievous fun if Adam would rise to the bait. Swallowing his anger, he simply turned his back and walked up to Lilyah who still stood next to the tables. He saw her bosom heavily moving with deep breaths, revealing the tension inside of her, he saw that her small face had paled.<\/p>\n

“Go to your room,” he said gently. “This party is over for us!”<\/p>\n

She turned and literally fled upstairs.<\/p>\n

“Adam!” Ben closed in on his son and grabbed a hold of his arm. “I think you should apologize to Frank! All he did…”<\/p>\n

“You must be kidding!” Adam interrupted, his eyes narrowing. “He molests my fianc\u00e9e and I should apologize?”<\/p>\n

“He merely asked her to dance, and…” Ben broke off, his face darkened. “Your\u00a0what?<\/em>\u00a0Don’t tell me… Adam, when…”<\/p>\n

“Oh, sorry, I’ve forgotten what an absolutely unexpected surprise this must be for you!” Adam’s voice got sharp. “Thank you so much for your sincere congratulations!”<\/p>\n

For a moment Ben was at a loss for words. “Adam… Adam, we’ve got to talk about it later…”<\/p>\n

“We already did that!”<\/p>\n

“Adam, there are some things we…”<\/p>\n

“You know what?” Adam cut in, with a rather dry tone. “Complain to the king!”<\/p>\n

Ben’s brow furrowed as he watched his son turning around and rushing up the staircase, taking two steps at once.<\/p>\n

* * *<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

35. The Dance\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

“Lil…” Adam halted his step as he saw her standing at the window, turning her back to him. She had wrapped one of her larger veils around her, and the tensed way the fabric was stretched over her small shoulders showed how intensely she was clutching it. She did not turn at his entrance, she did not move.<\/p>\n

“Lilyah…” He closed the door behind him and approached her, softly turning her around to him. She did not raise her head, but he could see the tears on her face. “Oh, Lil… don’t cry! There’s no reason for tears…” His thumb softly wiped over her cheeks before he cradled her in his arms. “Don’t you cry, dearest…”<\/p>\n

For one moment she nestled into his warm embrace, burying her face at his chest, savoring his nearness, the soft, hush murmur of his voice, his hand caressing her hair. She felt so safe and sheltered in his arms, as if nothing could ever touch her there. But then her hand glided over his arm to his shoulder and felt something wet. She pulled back and gasped as she saw dark stains on his shirt.<\/p>\n

“Adam…”<\/p>\n

“It’s nothing.” A small smile stole over his lips. “I just ran into a glass of red wine.”<\/p>\n

“Oh…” She tried to pull herself together. She knew the thought was ridiculous, and the imam would shake his head upon her, but the red, wet stains on the white shirt looked like a bad omen. Her hand gingerly stroked over his shoulder, touched his face. He seemed so calm and collected, but she could feel that deep inside, he was sore. Her eyes teared up again as she gazed into his. He had been so looking forward to this evening, to his night full of dance. So excited about her dress he had picked for her, so proud of her. All he had wanted was to enjoy himself and be happy. Was this asking too much? “Adam, I’m so sorry…”<\/p>\n

“For what?” He took her face in both hands, his thumbs gently brushing over her cheeks. “You did nothing wrong, Lil, absolutely nothing! On the contrary, I’m proud of you – you stood your ground just fine, young lady!”<\/p>\n

His soothing words comforted her and when he kissed the last tears off her face she closed her arms around him and responded to his loving. Her biggest fear had been to have failed him. To be the reason for him being unhappy and getting in trouble, rather than shielding him from everything that could harm him.<\/p>\n

Adam straightened out and loosened his tie. The music could still be heard playing downstairs, all through the closed door, as could the noises from the guests. He made up his mind in a heartbeat.<\/p>\n

“Get out off that dress!”<\/p>\n

She looked up in mild confusion.<\/p>\n

“I’ll go and change, too,” he continued. “We’re riding out!” He saw her eyes brightening up and smiled, pointing to the wardrobe. “Take the dark red robe, will you?”<\/p>\n

His smile reflected on her face, she wiped the last traces of tears from her face and nodded her head.<\/p>\n

“Adam, wait…” Her call stopped him just as he had reached the door. She hastily took the veil from her shoulders and turned her back to him. “The hooks…”<\/p>\n

“Oh…” He gently opened the hooks at the back of the dress and couldn’t resist bowing down, placing a very chaste kiss on her bare shoulder. “I’ll knock when I’m ready, it won’t take long.”<\/p>\n

She softly brushed over his cheek and watched him leaving the room. As soon as the door closed behind him, she began to strip the scarlet dress from her, the tight upper part and the many stiff underskirts. She never had gotten out off a dress like that so fast before.<\/p>\n

* * *<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam’s eyes lit up as he entered her room merely ten minutes later. There she was, already clad in the dark red robe which probably was the most precious among her gowns, with its rich embroideries and pastiches, its overflowing splendor of velvet, silk and brocade, its confusing arrangement of drapings that made it impossible to tell what was a part of the dress and what was just an added veil or some other kind of finery. And just to add to the mirage, she was busy fastening her usual head jewelry into her hair, with its laced veil cascading over her back. The red dress and its undergarments had been tossed all over the bed, obviously with not much care or concern. Adam could not blame her one bit.<\/p>\n

“Just a minute, Adam, I’m…” She broke off as she turned around to him, her face brightening in an affectionate smile at his sight. His usual black pants, his black shirt with the first buttons open, even the rather not so nice gun belt he had put on suddenly seemed so familiar and just right. He looked so whole again, his usual, strong self.<\/p>\n

Adam raised his brow, almost bashfully, standing there with his tan coat over his arm and his hat in his hand. “I would understand it had you looked at me like that after I came here in my best Sunday church accoutrement, slicked and licked and polished like a shiny new silver coin…”<\/p>\n

“Aw…” Her smile deepened. “But you look so dear to me just like that! Wait…” She took her brush and closed in on him, raising on her toes and beginning to resolutely brush his hair. She didn’t stop until all traces of grease were gone and his hair was just as curly as it naturally was. Brushing it all back as he used to do it, she contentedly looked over her work. “Good!”<\/p>\n

His eyes had warmed as he caressingly fondled her hair. “Now we’re both back to our sweet old selves, hm?”<\/p>\n

She lovingly patted his face. “And isn’t it much better this way?”<\/p>\n

“Sure is…” His fingers tipped at a dangling golden chainlet from her head jewelry. “Take a warm wrap with you. The night might get chilly.”<\/p>\n

He watched her getting ready and put on his tan coat. Leaving the house through the great room would be like running the gauntlet, but there was not much he could do about it – except for climbing out of the window. His lips twisted in aggravation. That would be the absolute bottom of the barrel…<\/p>\n

He noticed Lilyah’s suddenly very mindful eyes on him, and a slightly sheepish smile glided over his face. Once again, she had caught his sentiment, no matter how subtle it had been. He’d better get used to being under attentive surveillance from now on; perhaps a foreshadow of what was generally known as the yoke of marriage… An amused little smile stole over his lips and his heart warmed. Aware that she had noticed the change in his expression, he clasped his hands behind his back and pulled an innocent face, delighting in Lilyah’s apparent attempt to wise up on his moods.<\/p>\n

“I’m ready.” She stepped closer and he enjoyed the lithe gracefulness of her movements. What a striking difference to the bulky scarlet dress! She just moved like an angel, the fabrics of her robes flowing so willowy around her delicate figure, rustling ever so softly. His eyes began to shine.<\/p>\n

“Let’s go.” He offered her his arm and put on his hat. “And don’t care about anyone staring!”<\/p>\n

“I won’t.” Lilyah arranged her back veil in a manner that it almost covered her face from both sides. She still could see through the translucent fabric, but others would find it hard to see her features.<\/p>\n

Adam could sense her inner tension as they stepped out in the hallway and proceeded down the staircase, but she kept her outwardly untouched dignity. Some of the guests turned around and he saw the one or other mouth hanging open. He spotted his father’s silver hair at the other end of the room and it almost was like he could hear the thud of his jaw hitting the floor.<\/p>\n

“Adam!” Ben caught up with them as they reached the credenza at the front door. “Where are you going?”<\/p>\n

“Outside!” Adam kept his features under control, not to reveal that the bossy tone in which his father had addressed him definitely rubbed him the wrong way. “It’s a wonderful moonlit night.” He couldn’t completely erase an ironic undertone in his reply.<\/p>\n

A mixture of anger and disbelief swept over Ben’s face as he looked his son over, from the hat to the gun belt. He just seemed about to explode when Lilyah softly made herself heard.<\/p>\n

“I… have a little headache, Mr. Cartwright. I think a bit of fresh air will do me good.” She stood very erect at Adam’s side, her hand still on his arm.<\/p>\n

Adam’s face froze to a mask. It was so obvious that she tried to smooth over the tension between him and his father before it would erupt, but the method chosen was rather awkward and downright funny – especially when considering that his attire left no doubt that they were not just planning to walk up to the next tree to sneak some kissing. But his amusement faded as quickly as it had appeared. It must be awful for her to stand in the line of fire between him and his father, and she should not be in such a painful position at all. He protectively placed an arm around her shoulder and drew her closer to him.<\/p>\n

“You’ll excuse us…” He didn’t wait for an answer, but opened the door and motioned her outside. He didn’t look back, in spite of his utter amazement that there was no protest from his father, no word, no nothing. Maybe he just didn’t want to get into another fight with all the guests looking on. Adam closed the front door behind him and turned to the barn.<\/p>\n

* * *<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Lilyah felt an endless relief as she nudged Chai into motion. The reins in her hand, the movements of his powerful, wiry body beneath her, the familiar scent of horse and leather, the strands of his long mane swishing over her hands as he shook his head – it all made her feel so free, so much in control of herself and her life. She could just shake the reins and run with the wind, free as a bird. A small smile stole over her lips. Right there and then, of course, it was better not to run. Even though a bright full moon illuminated the night with its silvery gray shine, the ground still lay in deep darkness. Consequently, she held the stallion at a short rein, pulling up next to Adam as he halted the big chestnut mare.<\/p>\n

Adam sat still, knitting his brows. “Would you mind us taking a longer way?”<\/p>\n

“No…” She tried to study his face, darkened by the overshadowing brim of his hat. She did not know what he was planning, his words revealing that he must have a specific goal. But she could see that something was bothering him. “You’re worrying about Joe…?”<\/p>\n

He looked at her in surprise. “How… Can you read my mind?”<\/p>\n

“No…” She smiled. “But I saw you looking at Cochise’s empty box and checking on the place where Joe’s saddle used to be.”<\/p>\n

A smile lingered over his face, his teeth showing in the darkness. “Ah, the yoke…”<\/p>\n

She wrinkled her brow and heard his soft chuckle as he motioned Mariah into a light trot. This man truly was an enigma at times…<\/p>\n

Adam seemed not to be quite sure where to go, changing directions several times, muttering under his breath. “Must be here somewhere…” he murmured, almost like an apology to her. It took awhile until they finally reached a small cabin nestled into a couple of trees. The first thing they saw was Joe’s pinto tied to a post in front of it, next to another horse.<\/p>\n

The first thing they heard was a rather unfriendly yelling.<\/p>\n

“What are you doing here, ya goddam Yankee? Want trouble, eh? C’mon, I’m ready, c’mon, c’mon!!” A staggering man nearly fell over his own legs as he stumbled out of the house, waving his gun around. “Damn Yankees, I knew you’d show up! I knew…” A shot went off, but went into the air doing no harm. Cochise and the other horse spooked, but couldn’t get away.<\/p>\n

“Josh! That’s my brother!” Little Joe jumped after the man, trying to grab hold of him.<\/p>\n

Adam had dismounted and rushed over to the struggling pair, securing the gun with no problems. The young man could barely stand, his flailing fists just poked holes in the air. “You’ll lose this war!” he shrieked. “You’ll lose, and all those deads will weigh on your souls forever! You’ll lose, and you’ll gain nothing from it! You’ll lose…” He went on and on, being more shoveled back into the house by the brothers than he was actually walking inside.<\/p>\n

Lilyah reined in Chai who had started dancing about as the shot went off, her eyes fixed on the door. She was glad that it didn’t take more than a minute for Adam and Joe to come out.<\/p>\n

“Didn’t figure I was that unwelcome…” Adam handed the retrieved gun to his brother. “I was wondering where you’d gone. I thought you’d just wanted to make sure he’d left.”<\/p>\n

“Yeah, that’s what I planned…” Joe shrugged his shoulders. “But you can see what’s up. Thought I’d better stay and make sure he’s not riding into town in that shape he’s in.” He looked from Adam to Lilyah. “Pretty much ruined your party, huh?”<\/p>\n

Adam pushed out the air in a mirthless laugh. “Never was our party to begin with.” He slapped his brother’s back. “Take care of yourself!”<\/p>\n

“Sure thing!”<\/p>\n

Adam returned to his mare and mounted, watched Joe disappearing inside and motioned Mariah towards Lilyah. “We’re done here. Let’s go.”<\/p>\n

She nudged Chai into a light canter to follow him, wondering if Adam wouldn’t ride too fast in the dark. It seemed as if he wanted to get away from the place as fast as possible. He slowed down when they approached the hills, now finding his way with surety.<\/p>\n

“Keep close behind me!” he urged and rode ahead, following the small path climbing up the hills.<\/p>\n

They passed seemingly endless lines of large boulders and groups of trees, resembling the silhouettes of dark silent giants in the shades of the night, leaves and branches shimmering in black and blue, stripped of all the colors they would have shown during the day. Lilyah loved the night, but these monumental shadows left and right intimidated her. It was so very different from the wide openness of the desert she was used to, and it seemed Chai felt the same way. The Arabian was restless, tossing his head and snorting. Lilyah reassuringly patted his neck and was glad for the utter calmness emanating from Mariah. The big mare did not seem to know any insecurity, unpretentiously trotting wherever her rider led her. The nonchalance with which Adam sat in the saddle doubtlessly added to Mariah’s confidence; and Lilyah tried to overcome her own uneasiness, well aware that it was just that which reflected in her stallion. Her eyes fixed on Adam’s tan coat, she followed him, taking care that Chai wouldn’t dance out of his tracks.<\/p>\n

She was relieved when they finally reached the top of the hill and left the dark pathway behind. Adam rode up to a prominent edge before he turned around to her.<\/p>\n

“Adam, this is beautiful!” She halted Chai next to him and took in the gorgeous view of the plains below. The sight was certainly worth the ascent. Like in a deep blue sea of shadows, its tips and silhouettes shimmering in the pale silver moonlight, the landscape stretched before them. The full moon seemed so close that it almost appeared unnaturally big, revealing the strangely structured patterns of its surface. But most important, there was an endless wideness around them that filled her heart with ease and comfort again.<\/p>\n

“The Ponderosa!” Adam pointed into the distance.<\/p>\n

She had to squint to finally detect the tiny spots of light somewhere in the dark. “We’re that far away?”<\/p>\n

“Hm…” His gaze seemed to lose itself somewhere over the valleys. “I’m sorry you had to see that.”<\/p>\n

“You mean the drunken man with Joe?”<\/p>\n

“Yah.” He took a breath. “This war has poisoned a lot of souls.”<\/p>\n

She tried to read his face, but even with the moonlight on it, it was hard to ascertain what was going on inside of him. Looking down on Chai’s mane, she tried to get together what she knew about the war. It wasn’t much more than that it had some influence on the stage coach schedules from St. Louis, as the driver had not stopped complaining about it. It had something to do with slavery, or a new president that not everybody liked. It had caused some confusion in the American legation of Tangiers, as the people working for it could not quite agree which part of America they belonged to now. Uncle Ali had been fairly shocked as two of the officials who actually were meant to help make the contact to Boston had suddenly been at each other’s throats. It had almost prevented her journey to America, as the Uncle didn’t want to let her travel after witnessing the ruckus in the legation. With her being adamant and wildly determined to go, he finally had to give in, throwing up his hands in despair, muttering something about her being his stubborn brother’s living incarnation. But she had never bothered to learn much more about that war. All of a sudden, it hit her that this war was an American war, and that Adam could have been fighting in it. The thought made her shudder and she pulled the wrap closer around her.<\/p>\n

“Do you think it will come here?” she finally asked. “This war…”<\/p>\n

“No.” A barely perceptible smile stole over his lips. “Don’t you worry about it. It is the North against the South…” He shifted in the saddle, looking over the plains again. “Two vast and trunkless legs of stone…”<\/p>\n

She knitted her brow. His last words had sounded so bitter, and so resigned.<\/p>\n

“Shelley.” He looked at her. “Don’t you know this poem?”<\/p>\n

She shook her head, looking at him in silent anticipation.<\/p>\n

Adam drew a deep breath again, before he slowly began reciting, his voice resounding with emotion:<\/p>\n

“I met a traveller from an antique landWho said: Two vast and trunkless legs of stoneStand in the desert. Near them, on the sand,Half sunk, a shattered visage lies, whose frownAnd wrinkled lip, and sneer of cold commandTell that its sculptor well those passions readWhich yet survive, stamped on these lifeless things,The hand that mocked them and the heart that fed.And on the pedestal these words appear:’My name is Ozymandias, king of kings,Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!’Nothing beside remains. Round the decayOf that colossal wreck, boundless and bareThe lone and level sands stretch far away.”<\/p>\n

Lilyah sat still, deeply touched by his recitation. But no matter how hauntingly beautiful it had been, so impressively carried by his rich baritone and his well crafted modulation of the words, it left her deeply disturbed. There was a sadness in his words that almost brought tears to her eyes.<\/p>\n

“Do you… think this war will destroy this country?” she hesitatingly asked.<\/p>\n

He didn’t reply at once, his eyes still lost in the distance. “No, I don’t think so. But no matter how this war will end, this country will never be the same again.”<\/p>\n

At a loss for words, she motioned Chai closer to Mariah and extended her hand, touching his arm. Adam affectionately caressed her hand, his face softening as he turned to her. Lilyah lovingly brushed over his face and closed her eyes as he leaned towards her, rubbing his cheek on hers. She could feel so intensely that something inside of him was yearning for comfort, and she began wondering if the deeply emotional poem might have yet another meaning for him. Softly kissing his temple, she felt his lips on her skin and his hand in her neck.<\/p>\n

“Uh…” Adam lifted his head as the brim of his hat got in the way of her hair jewelry. His face close to hers, he tenderly kissed her lips. “We better get going…” he murmured. “We’ve got a good hour’s ride before us.”<\/p>\n

She caressed his face. “Where are we going?”<\/p>\n

“Hmm…” A first little smile stole over his lips. “You’ll see.”<\/p>\n

Her thumb brushed over his lips, as if to secure this little smile, keep it from vanishing. “Alright.”<\/p>\n

He planted a ginger kiss on the tip of her nose and assumed a straight seat again, turning the mare around. “Stay close to me!” he cautioned before he nudged Mariah into a slow trot.<\/p>\n

Lilyah followed, in a mixture of curiosity, trust and tenderness, all bound in the hope that whatever he was looking forward to, would make him happy again.<\/p>\n

* * *<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Chai threw up his head as a long howl rang through the night, breaking itself at the slopes of the mountains, somewhere outside the dense woods they were riding through. Both ears aggressively pinned back, the stallion snorted and stomped. The sound of the hooves could barely be heard on the ground thickly carpeted with pine needles, so thick indeed that it felt unreal, causing the hooves to sink in like in some kind of pasty dough. The large trees surrounding them made the darkness almost impenetrable, the wide stretching branches above their heads building a netted roof that didn’t let the pale moonlight pass through. Lilyah’s eyes clung to Adam’s tan coat, the only brighter spot in all that darkness.<\/p>\n

“We’re almost there…” he said reassuringly, waiting for her to pull up at his side. “Don’t let those wolves scare you. They’re far away, it’s just the echo that makes them sound so close.”<\/p>\n

“I see…” Her voice sounded a bit thin. “It’s just that I can’t see much…”<\/p>\n

A twitch played around his lips upon her contradictory words. “Look ahead – the trees are getting less dense and we’ll be out of the woods in a few moments.”<\/p>\n

She nodded her head and wrapped her hand around a strand of Chai’s long mane, partially to assure the horse that all was well and partially to ensure herself. At least the invisible path Adam had been following grew wider with the trees scattering about more sparsely, allowing them to ride side by side. Glad about this, Lilyah stayed so close to Adam that their legs almost touched.<\/p>\n

And just as she was relaxing, a thunderous shot bellowed through the dark. It sounded like a canon was fired off.<\/p>\n

Chai half reared and she saw Adam’s hand shoot forward and grab the stallion’s bridle. But most confusing was that he was laughing, she could see the white of his teeth showing in a big ear-to-ear grin.<\/p>\n

“Whoever ye are, ye are surrounded!” a shrill voice yelled through the night.<\/p>\n

Adam’s grin grew even wider. “Hey, oldtimer!” he shouted out loud. “If you don’t stop that shooting, I’ll come and wrap that flimsy squirrel gun around your neck!”<\/p>\n

“Flimsy…wha…<\/em>” The voice broke off. “Adam! Adam, is dat ye?”<\/p>\n

“Yah, dat is meh!” Adam laughed and gave Lilyah an encouraging look before he nudged Mariah forward.<\/p>\n

It was indeed only a few yards when the trees suddenly opened into a wide glade. Compared to the thick darkness of the woods, the glade seemed almost bright with the full moonlight on it, prominently illuminating a strange looking figure posturing in the middle of it.<\/p>\n

Adam cantered up to the figure. “Surrounded by what?” he asked cheekily, dismounting. “Your goats?”<\/p>\n

“Duh, still dat same pesky know-it-all, ain’t ye? Take care I don’t smack this here squirrel gun on yer skull!”<\/p>\n

Lilyah reined in Chai and watched the cordial greeting between the two unlikely men. The strange looking figure was a rather old man, all clad in furs and leathers, with long, grey shaggy hair falling over his shoulders and an even more shaggy beard and moustache reaching down to his chest. Withered and bony, he resembled a wooden rack on which the furs were hanging to dry. Her head cocked when she noticed a second man coming from what appeared to be a weird mixture of a tent and a hut, who looked no bit less strange than the fur rack. With a bigger and sturdier build, he was as old as his companion, dark grey hair reaching down to his belly, his clothes a mix of rags and furs, one strikingly huge feather hanging from a head band in his hair. His dark complexion made him look like a Bedouin.<\/p>\n

Adam turned around to her and stretched out his hands to help her from the saddle. “Come on, meet two friends of mine…”<\/p>\n

She glided into his arms, a hundred questions in her face. Adam smiled to himself and presented her to the two men, his hands resting on her shoulders.<\/p>\n

“This is Old Grumpy!” he introduced in a teasing tone. “The sole reason for all those persistent rumours that there are ghastly gnomes and hideous ghosts spooking in the mountains…”<\/p>\n

“Pfffft!” The old man pulled a face, rubbed his palms at his furs, examined his fingers and decided against extending his hand. Instead, he humorously blinked at her.<\/p>\n

“… and his good friend Walking Deer!” Adam continued unfazed and nodded to the bigger man who politely bowed his head.<\/p>\n

Lilyah nodded from one to another when Adam went on. “And this is Lilyah Al-Sharieh – my fianc\u00e9e!” There was such a pride in his voice that her heart skipped a beat, and it took her all her willpower to not turn around to him to look at his face. Her hand went up, touching his.<\/p>\n

Old Grumpy opened his mouth. “Your…\u00a0fianc\u00e9e?<\/em>” He bowed forward, squinting at her from strangely bright eyes. “Yer sure ye want to marry dis woolgathering bookworm? He cain’t take care of’imself and the slightest littelest breeze blows him off’is horse!” He grinned at her and she couldn’t help noticing that he had more teeth missing than left. “Ye might consider takin meh instead!”<\/p>\n

Not knowing how to react, Lilyah was glad when the big man with the feather in his hair took the word.<\/p>\n

“Walking Deer is afraid his obnoxious brother might not find much blessings here!” There seemed to be a ring of laughter in his voice and he smiled as he looked at Adam. “I’m happy. It was time for you to rest your heart!”<\/p>\n

“Yah!” Adam’s hands softly squeezed her shoulders and she felt that he was bowing forward. “Can we stay for the night?”<\/p>\n

“Duh!” Grumpy shook his head and looked at Lilyah. “And he’s always asking such dumb questions!”<\/p>\n

Adam chuckled as he turned to the horses, Lilyah hastening to stay at his side and take care of Chai.<\/p>\n

“C’mon, Deer, let’s see if we get some of dat stew ready. Dem young’uns must be hungry after da ride!”<\/p>\n

Lilyah saw both men walking back to their strange compartment and stayed close to Adam who apparently knew exactly where to store the saddles and bridles – on the half fallen apart makeshift fence of what was most likely supposed to be a corral. He appeared very content, but it strangely struck her that he was keeping something in hiding. Her asking eyes seemed to amuse him, and a smug smile played around his lips as he took her hand.<\/p>\n

“We’ll groom them extendedly tomorrow, alright?” He didn’t wait for an answer, but led her to the middle of the glade. “Wait here…”<\/p>\n

She waited, watching him quickly walking over to the ramshackle caboose and whispering to the two men. Grumpy cackled and she saw them both disappearing inside. Adam tossed his hat on a post and came back to her, his smile intensifying more and more as he stopped in front of her.<\/p>\n

“Adam, what’s the meaning of this?”<\/p>\n

“Hush…” The dimples in his cheeks kept growing deeper.<\/p>\n

Lilyah turned her head as some rumbling from the caboose indicated that Grumpy and his friend had come out again, sitting down in front of it. She could not see what Walking Deer was carrying, but Grumpy doubtlessly held a fiddle. Soon the first sounds of music filled the air and Walking Deer’s instrument turned out to be a flute.<\/p>\n

In utter amazement, she looked up to Adam and saw the most boyish of smiles on his face.<\/p>\n

“I promised you a night full of dance, didn’t I?” he asked and took her hand, his eyes twinkling.<\/p>\n

“Oh, you…” She started laughing, closing her arms around him and kissing him heartily right on the mouth, with no cares that anyone could see them.<\/p>\n

Moments later they were whirling around the glade, dancing as if the world wouldn’t exist, not even noticing that Chai followed their every step, curiously stretching his head to see what utter madness was causing his humans to spin around in circles.<\/p>\n

* * *<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

36. In da Mountains\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

“Ye sure ye pass on da stew, child?” Old Grumpy was so intent giving his raspy voice a sweet and fatherly air that it sounded downright funny, causing both Adam and Walking Deer to purse their lips in barely hidden amusement, visibly trying not to laugh.<\/p>\n

“No, thanks, I’ll content myself with the tea.” Lilyah gave him a halfhearted smile. She would have vastly preferred to be alone with Adam, enjoy their togetherness in the darkness of the night, just sitting silent and taking in the massive impressiveness of the near-black forests around them, but since those two men had so patiently played their wonderful music for their dancing, for hours on end, it would have been more than impolite to turn down their invitation for ‘dinner’. And Adam not only seemed to be comfortable, he seemed happy. Sitting next to her on the fallen trunk of a tree in front of the open fireplace, he indulged in his stew, his eyes twinkling with smiles lingering in them.<\/p>\n

“Duh!” All sweet and fatherly tone was gone. “Mind yer manners, Adam! We got a lady at da table!”<\/p>\n

Adam looked up in confused surprise. Given that there was no table and they were sitting on trunks and furs around a fireplace beneath the dark open sky, his confusion was understandable.<\/p>\n

“Sit straight, lad!” Grumpy straightened his back until it looked like he had swallowed a stick; a rather burlesque figure when the flickering light of the flames made his not so well-fitting furs look like something was moving in them. “Do as meh do!” Scrunching his face into what he doubtlessly thought was a most noble expression, he balanced his spoon between two fingers, elegantly extending the pinkie. “Fine gents eat der grubs like dis!”<\/p>\n

“Oh, of course…” Adam smirked, a mischievous little devil dancing in his eyes. “I’d just love to do as ye, but I’m afraid I’m lacking da moustache for da last refinement!”<\/p>\n

Walking Deer blubbered into his tea, shaking with his suppressed laughter. Quite obviously, Grumpy was unaware that he had one end of his long moustache swimming in his stew.<\/p>\n

Lilyah suppressed a chuckle. “Actually, in our country we just prefer people being themselves…”<\/p>\n

“Jolly good, jolly good!” Grumpy immediately gave up on his noble posture. “Dat’s exactly my saying: people should just be themselves.” Inconspicuously flinging his moustache out of his muck, he ignored the smirks all around him. “What’yer doin’ up here in da mountains, anyway, Adam? Runnin’ away again?”<\/p>\n

Adam broke into a sheepish smile, his eyebrows wandering up while his eyes rolled left and right like those of a small boy who had just been caught on some nonsense and now tried to figure a way out of the mess. “Uhm… well… sort of…”<\/p>\n

“He’s always doin’ dat!” Grumpy turned to Lilyah. “Den he’s sittin’ on his horse readin’ while ridin’ not lookin’ where he’s goin’n runnin’ into trouble!”<\/p>\n

Adam deliberately scratched his ear, pursing his lips. “I\u00a0don’t<\/em>\u00a0read in the saddle – besides, would’ve been too dark to read all the way up here, anyways.”<\/p>\n

“Bah, bad habits stick like mud!” Grumpy retorted cantankerously and waved his forefinger through the air. “It’s dat readin’ in da saddle dat always makes him fall from his horse!”<\/p>\n

Lilyah wasn’t sure how to react. She didn’t really like the way the old man kept on digging into Adam, but she also saw the dimples in Adam’s cheeks deepening, belying his miffed look from beneath furrowed brows. “I never saw him reading in the saddle while riding,” she finally said. “And I never saw him falling from his horse, either.”<\/p>\n

“You hear that?” Adam cocked up his head, shooting a triumphant look at the old man. “You can take her word for it!”<\/p>\n

“Duh! Ye told her to say dat!”<\/p>\n

“No!” Lilyah flared up, but held her words when Adam reached over to place his hand on hers. His eyes were laughing.<\/p>\n

“Grumpy, how long ago is it that we first met?” he asked, his hand squeezing hers.<\/p>\n

“Hmmm…” The old man wrinkled his brow. “Musta been 12 years dis last winter… and ye\u00a0did<\/em>\u00a0read in da saddle! Deer saw ye, ‘n why else would’ye’ve fallen from yer horse, huh?”<\/p>\n

“Maybe because the horse spooked and took a wrong step?”<\/p>\n

“I saw him reading the day before.” Walking Deer’s voice sounded thoroughly amused. “It doesn’t mean he was reading all the time, certainly not on unsafe ground.”<\/p>\n

“Duh, dat’s why he fell!” Grumpy retorted. “Dat’s a matter of logariddm!”<\/p>\n

“You mean logic?” Now Adam barely held back the laughter.<\/p>\n

“Logariddm is da higher form of logic! Dat’s da most purest logic dat explains itself!”<\/p>\n

“We learn something new every day…” Adam chuckled and searched Lilyah’s eye, his hand softly patting hers. “They saved my life, 12 years ago. I took a rather mindless excursion into the mountains when my horse spooked and fell off a crag. I hit my skull, broke my leg and some ribs; and it would’ve been the end of the line for me, had it not been for Grumpy and Walking Deer.”<\/p>\n

“Oh…” Lilyah watched the old mountaineers with suddenly renewed warmth.<\/p>\n

“And he’s been making a nuisance of himself ever since!” Grumpy seemed hell bent to keep on bickering.<\/p>\n

Adam laughed. “Well, it appears to me you need some shaking up now and then!” He affectionately rubbed Lilyah’s hand as he looked from one to another. “What d’you say, guys? Let’s call it a day?”<\/p>\n

“Sure, ‘s late enough!” Grumpy poured the rest of his stew back into the pot. “I’ll get you some extra blankets.”<\/p>\n

“My old place’s ready?”<\/p>\n

“Sure is, pup! Ever so ready just in case ye’ll be finally fed up completely wid’da nonsense down dere’n move in fer good!” He pulled up his skinny features and marched into the caboose.<\/p>\n

Lilyah rose to her feet and followed Adam to the back of the shack after they had all bid each other good night.<\/p>\n

“It’s a bit cramped in here…” Adam had to bow to fit through a blanket-covered hole in the crooked wall that would’ve asked for a benevolent eye to be seen as a door. “I hope you don’t mind.”<\/p>\n

“Certainly not…” She followed and looked around after he had lit a small lamp. The room scarcely offered more space than was necessary for a sleeping place on the floor. A pile of books scrambled in a corner, the cavelike walls were covered with drapings whose presumably colorful patterns could be barely made out in the dim light. She watched Adam arranging furs and blankets on the rudimentary bed and stifled a yawn. The night was almost over, and it had been a long day.<\/p>\n

Adam gave her a compassionate wink. “You must be so tired…”<\/p>\n

“Yes…” She hesitated only for a wink of a moment before she slipped off the upper garments of her dress to keep them from crinkling up. Given the rich draping of her robe, the lower gowns were plenty enough to still be decently covered. She almost lost her footing when she tried to place the fabrics over the book pile and felt his hands on her waist to support her.<\/p>\n

“As said, it’s tiny. You’d better lie down.” His voice sounded very soft. “Take this blanket, nights can get chilly in the mountains.”<\/p>\n

She sat down on the makeshift bed and took off her hair jewelry to place it on top of her robes on the book pile, watching Adam removing his jacket and gun belt and adding them to the lot. He kept all his clothes on, even the boots, as he sat down beside her and grabbed for another blanket. “Come on, let’s sleep…”<\/p>\n

She lay down and watched him gently placing her blanket over her before he bowed forward to put out the light. Pitch black darkness fell in the tiny cove, and it was just the rustling of the blankets that told her that he laid down himself. He was so close that she felt the warmth of his body, heard his breathing.<\/p>\n

“You’re comfortable?” His low voice was so very close.<\/p>\n

“Yes…” It wasn’t entirely true; she inconspicuously shifted to find more comfort.<\/p>\n

“Come here…”<\/p>\n

She felt his arm around her and willingly moved as he tenderly pulled her closer to him. There was nothing wrong with it. They were both dressed, each covered with their own blankets, it was all safe and chaste. She bedded her cheek onto his shoulder and slowly extended her hand to place it on the blanket that covered his chest. It softly moved as he breathed.<\/p>\n

“I’m sorry the party was such a failure,” he said lowly.<\/p>\n

“But we still had our night full of dance, and a wonderful night it was.”<\/p>\n

“Yeah…” His hand gingerly fondled her hair and her shoulder and it took her a lot of willpower to not return the loving. Involuntarily and ever so lightly her fingers caressed the blanket over his chest, even though he barely could have felt it beneath the thick wool.<\/p>\n

For a long while they just lay silent and she wondered if he was already sleeping. His breathing was calm and steady and his hand on her side lay still. Her mind started wandering, pondering Adam’s familiarity with this strange place and the fact that he came here on a night such as this. What had the old man said? He was running away? Was he?<\/p>\n

But the long day began to take its toll, the black darkness of the hut added to it, and she gradually began to doze away, feeling so safe and sheltered in the warmth of his nearness. Just as she was gliding into sleep, his soft voice broke the silence.<\/p>\n

“I promise to build you a bigger place than this.”<\/p>\n

Lilyah smiled and nestled closer into his warm embrace.<\/p>\n

* * *<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The next morning brought an abrupt awakening, triggered by a strange cacophony of sounds coming from outside. In the midst of the bleating and squaking of obviously very indignant goats a loud neighing sounded up, all drowned out by a remarkably shrill blathering.<\/p>\n

“Duh, by George, I’ll be blasted if dat’s not da devil in a horse skin, teaming up wid’dem ungrateful critters as pitch goes wid sulphur!” Apparently, Old Grumpy was close to throwing a fit. “Adam! ADAM! And ye stop da laughing, Deer!”<\/p>\n

Adam and Lilyah half rose simultaneously, looking at each other in the shaded twilight of the small compartment, both overwhelmed by a sudden, deep regret. His arm was still around her, her body so close to his, and it occurred to both that they just had a most wonderful moment of tenderness ruined; their first waking up together in each other’s arms, so closely embraced in their love.<\/p>\n

But the racket outside didn’t stop. The goats bleated louder, the neighing got wilder, and Grumpy’s voice threatened to skip over.<\/p>\n

Adam grumbled under his breath. “Sounds like Arab horse discipline at work again…”<\/p>\n

Lilyah preferred to stay mute as he scrambled on his legs and hastily left the room, whose walls on the door’s side revealed to be a peculiar mixture of wooden boards, twigs, furs and leathers, allowing speckles of daylight in through numerous splits and cracks in the materials. She pulled a large shawl out of the heap of her upper garments and followed.<\/p>\n

The scene in front of the crooked caboose was a sight to behold. Five goats had scrambled together behind the black Arabian who successfully hindered Old Grumpy from approaching them. The old man, carrying a bunch of ropes over his shoulders and armed with a bucket and a stick, tried futilely to get around the stallion, but Chai was on guard. Rearing up, shaking his mane and stomping his hooves, he jumped left and right to block Grumpy’s way. The goats seemed to be enchanted with their big new friend, for they collectively followed him, always rushing to get behind him again when a wide pass of the stallion produced a free space between them and their owner.<\/p>\n

“Adam!” Grumpy whirled around. “What’s up wid’dat devilish creature ye dragged in here? Meh cain’t get to do da milkin’! He won’t let me pass, jumpin’ up’n down like a spirit possessed?”<\/p>\n

Adam sighed, threw a glance at the sky whose blistering sun revealed that they had slept well into the day, and took a deep breath. “Chai! Stop it!”<\/p>\n

The stallion stood still, albeit not without tossing his head up and down, breaking into an avalanche of nickerings as if to do a most lengthy explanation, perhaps an elaborate litany to justify himself. Grumpy took a firmer grasp of his stick and his bucket and triumphantly proceeded to the goats, who in turn burst out into a choir of shrieking bleats, hastily jostling behind the stallion’s backside. Prompted by such popular demand, Chai immediately acted up again and reared against the old man who almost fell on his behind as he jumped backwards to get out of the danger zone. A suppressed laughter from a nearby bush betrayed the lonesome spectator in form of Walking Deer, whose dark face shone with amusement. Comfortably leaning back against the trunk of a tree, the old Indian visibly delighted in the performance.<\/p>\n

“Chai!” Lilyah stepped up, her shawl closely wrapped around her. The stallion whinnied and trotted to his mistress to collect a loving greeting, the goats following like pearls on a string. Patting Chai’s nose, Lilyah turned to Old Grumpy and gave him an apologetic smile. “I’m sorry if Chai acted up. He is trained to tend to goats and so he took care of yours. He is a very intelligent horse.”<\/p>\n

“He sure is!” Adam nodded his head. “You should see him herding cattle or doing the shopping.”<\/p>\n

Lilyah shot him a look. His face kept a most serious stance, with an air of innocence around him, and still she saw the sparks dancing in his hazel eyes.<\/p>\n

“Intelligent, duh! Meh needs to milk da goats!” Grumpy took another charge at the goats who broke into their protest bleats again, jumping off left and right. Chai got restless, but stayed close to his mistress, enabling the old mountaineer to finally grab one goat’s horns, attempting to drag the doe to what appeared to be a makeshift milkstand. The goat screamed as if it was going to be slaughtered.<\/p>\n

“What are you doing?” Lilyah rushed over, completely forgetting herself. “You cannot treat the poor girl like this!?”<\/p>\n

“Wha??” Grumpy came around, baffled. “Poor girl? Dis lousy little critter, dis…” He didn’t get any further. Encouraged by his mistress’s charge, the Arabian felt obliged to spring into action again. The goat took advantage of its owner’s distraction and bucked up, slamming its head into the old man’s legs and making him fall. Bleating in rapturous delight, it triumphantly skipped away while Grumpy exploded into another tirade.<\/p>\n

“Goats are very sensitive animals!” Lilyah was completely unfazed by his sputterings, raising her voice to make herself heard. “You have to treat them with kindness and warmth! And if you want to milk them, you need treats and goodies to humour them, and not a stick and a rope!”<\/p>\n

Grumpy took a long, noisy breath through his nose. “Now would ye listen to dat little girl here barely grown out of da pinny doin’ da big talk!” He scrambled to his feet and looked about wildly. “Adam!”<\/p>\n

“Uhm…” Adam swallowed down his laughter and casually crossed his arms, shifting his weight on his left leg. “What would you expect me to do?”<\/p>\n

“Duh, ain’t dat yer very own fianc\u00e9e or not? Speak a word of power or someding!”<\/p>\n

“Well…” Adam carefully contemplated the words. “As it happens, I’d need a good coffee first before I can use the full potential of my authoritative powers. D’you happen to have some ready?”<\/p>\n

On the lone spectator’s place at the sidelines, the grin in Walking Deer’s face grew wider and wider. Old Grumpy didn’t notice, but one of Adam’s eyebrows climbed up.<\/p>\n

“Coffee ain’t ready!” Grumpy snapped. “Yer horses drank all da water, and d’is a mile long walk to da spring ‘n meh ain’t goin’ nowhere before dere ain’t gonna be a good cuppa fresh milk fer stamina!”<\/p>\n

“A mile long walk?” Adam narrowed one eye. “Grumpy, you’ve got a pump right next to your hut!”<\/p>\n

Grumpy stiffened as if struck by lightning. “Oh… da pump… err… hihi…” He pulled an innocent face. “Da pump, yes… err… you see, laddy, da pump is… broken! Yes, broken it is!”<\/p>\n

“Broken…” Adam’s brow furrowed. “Grumpy, how? I’ve fixed this pump the last time I was here, and I fixed it good…” From the corner of his eye he noticed that Walking Deer was on the verge of a laughing fit. “Grumpy, you did take the precautions for the winter ice that I’ve told you to heed?”<\/p>\n

“I told you that Adam told you to take those precautions before the ice came.” Walking Deer gleefully chimed in. It was plain clear that he thoroughly enjoyed the situation.<\/p>\n

Grumpy waved his hands through the air. “It had nodding to do wid da ice! It was da wedder! Truly bad wedder! Ye know dis hard conditions up here in da mountains, Adam, when da storm howls and da woods become impenetrable, and ye cain’t fight yer way dru da storms in dem truly bad wedders, hail storms and all. We couldn’t get to da pump!”<\/p>\n

Adam pursed his lips, his eyebrows climbed up one after the other as he turned around and eyed a device suspiciously resembling a water pump, approximately ten feet from the caboose.<\/p>\n

“Meh’s goin’ to milk da goats!” Grumpy attempted to steal away, but with three fleeting steps Adam was at his side and placed his arm around his shoulders, flashing him a most cordial smile from the side.<\/p>\n

“I’d suggest you go to the spring and fetch some water for the coffee, while I fight my way through this blaring heat and the terrible sun, hail storms and all, and have a look at the pump!”<\/p>\n

“And I’ll take care of the goats!” Lilyah swiftly secured the bucket and the smaller milking bowl that had fallen out of it before the old mountaineer could grab a hold of the items.<\/p>\n

“Duh! Now would ye look at dem young’uns, dem nosey half-pints, barely grown out of der cribs, puffin’ demselves up making big nuisances of demselves once more, wiseacre little pups dat…”<\/p>\n

“You better get going.” Adam smirked as he motioned the old man to the caboose. “And get a little more water. We got a lady at da house!”<\/p>\n

Grumpy never stopped his bitching and bickering under his breath, not while he went to the hut to load himself with buckets and canteens, not while he disappeared between the trees surrounding the area and his gnarling and grumbling lost itself in the distance.<\/p>\n

Adam was laughing into himself as he returned to Lilyah, his twinkling eyes the brightest green hazel. “You’re sure you’ll get along with those goats?”<\/p>\n

“Adam!” She softly touched his stubbly cheek. “I’ve been used to tending goats ever since I was a young girl. And I’ve got Chai to support me!”<\/p>\n

“That’s truly a relief to know…” He chuckled as he saw a suspicious little line appearing between her eyebrows and smoothed it with his thumb, his hand cupping her face. “Seems we gotta wait awhile until coffee is ready.”<\/p>\n

“It doesn’t matter…” She longed to get closer to him, restore the intense nearness in which they had woken up. Ruptured as the moment had been, the closeness of their bodies still filled her heart with a tender warmth. His arm had been around her all through the night, still holding her when she had awakened. She looked in his eyes and saw the funny sparks gradually making place for a warm, affectionate shine, and she felt that his desire for even more closeness was as strong as hers. His big hand still cupped her face, didn’t want to let go. She nestled her cheek in his hand, her fingers touched his.<\/p>\n

But there was Walking Deer, sitting merely a few yards apart. While the old Indian was considerate enough to not look over to them, and silently endorsed in some works, they just weren’t alone. And again she could see her own thoughts reflecting in Adam’s eyes.<\/p>\n

“Alright then…” Adam bowed and softly kissed her temple. “You go ahead, and I’ll see what I can do with this pump. Let’s hope Grumpy’s forge isn’t its usual mess.”<\/p>\n

She nodded her head and watched him walking thither to the water pump, before she turned to the goats. The five does very obviously were good natured animals, already bestowing her with curious looks. They wouldn’t need much time to get used to her and after some calming down and a bit of distraction, milking them shouldn’t be a problem either. With their udders full and no kids to suckle, they would rather greet the relief, especially when sweetened by some affections and handouts of yummy treats. Spotting some promising underbrush at the edge of the glade, Lilyah motioned the goats along until they ran by themselves to indulge in tasty twigs and spicy barks, contentedly munching away. Chai cantered back and forth, guarding ‘his girls’ just as he had used to do it during their goat tending days back home. It was a cozy, familiar sentiment for Lilyah, like a piece of home in the midst of the strange dark woods of this foreign land.<\/p>\n

And while she took great care to pat the goats and talk to them, her eyes glided over to Adam time and again. He had rolled up the sleeves of his shirt almost to his shoulders and was busy disassembling the water pump in more parts than she had thought possible. Once in a while he walked to the caboose to get some kind of tool, curiously watched by Mariah who was grazing nearby. Lilyah smiled as he took time to pat the mare and talk to her before he dedicated himself to his work again. Squatting on the ground near the dismantled pump, he hammered some metal here and some metal there, whistling a little tune all the while, very obviously relaxed and at peace with himself. Still smiling, she began to pluck leaves to humour the goats for the milking.<\/p>\n

As she had figured, the does were easy to appease and thus easy to milk, visibly enjoying the attention and the lovings they received in the process. Lilyah took her time, getting her hands used to the work that she hadn’t done for some years now. Watching the squirts of milk gushing into the bowl, her thoughts began to flow, partially back to the times in which she had wandered the Sous with her father’s goats, and partially into the future. A little place like this, a small house and a couple of goats – would they need more to be happy? Perhaps some more space for the horses, and Adam would probably like a few cows… oh, and chicken! Now he never had expressed any particular liking for chicken, but he loved to have eggs in the morning, thus keeping chicken seemed an obvious necessity.<\/p>\n

The bucket was full after she had finished the last goat, and she got up to carry it to the caboose. Chai took a last look at the goats and followed his mistress, in happy anticipation of his fair share of tasty milk.<\/p>\n

“Lil!” Adam dropped his tools and swiftly came towards her. “That’s too heavy for you.” He took the bucket. “You shouldn’t do this work at all!”<\/p>\n

“Why not? I don’t mind.” She smiled at him. “Do you know where they keep the milk? It cannot be left standing in the sun.”<\/p>\n

“Not sure…” He looked for Walking Deer, but the place where the old Indian had been was empty. “I suggest we just put it in… Hey!” Laughing, he tried to save the bucket from Chai’s nose. “Seems this very intelligent horse has a good idea where to store the milk!”<\/p>\n

“Chai!” Lilyah couldn’t help laughing. “Alright, you’ll get some milk – but you’ll share with Mariah!” She placed the bowl on the ground and reached for the bucket.<\/p>\n

“Let me do this…” Adam poured a good portion of milk into the bowl and smiled as he heard Lilyah calling for the mare who immediately came trotting.<\/p>\n

“Milk is good for the horses!” Lilyah soaked her fingers in the white liquid and rubbed a bit on Mariah’s muzzle. She wouldn’t have needed it, for Chai already had his nose in the bowl and Mariah decided that what was good for the stallion, would be good for her, as well. The bowl was barely big enough for both horse noses, but they arranged well to lick it out together. Lilyah straightened out and gave Adam a smile. “At home, we feed them milk every day. Mostly camel’s milk, but also goat’s or sheep’s milk…” Her voice lost itself as she regarded Adam’s gaze who looked at her with a warm glow in his eyes. It was a look that went through and through her inside. Demuring, she lowered her eyes. “… and sometimes cow’s milk…”<\/p>\n

“I love it when you wear your hair like this…” His hand softly stroked over her hair that flowed openly over her back, with no comb and no clip holding it.<\/p>\n

“Oh…” A bashful smile stole over her face, her hand touched his upper arm and cautiously climbed up to his shoulder. It was the first time she touched his bare muscles and it stirred a strange feeling in her. She knew she shouldn’t do this, but she just couldn’t withdraw her hand, couldn’t keep it from gliding over his skin. So close…<\/p>\n

“Lil…” Adam softly slid a finger under her chin and lifted her face to him, his eyes had turned a shade darker. She watched his lips part as he bowed forward, closing her eyes in longing expectation of the kiss.<\/p>\n

“Duh! Now der’s da young’uns, mopin’ around’n smoochin’, stealin’ da Lord’s day while da old folks do all da hard work!” With much noise and ado, Old Grumpy came marching from the edge of the woods.<\/p>\n

Lilyah hastily withdrew her caressing hand, while Adam let a resigned sigh, his eyes narrowed as he gave the old man an almost sardonic smile. “Since you talk of hard work, Grumpy, your forge is a mess. Seems to me that you and me will have to have a closer look at it after breakfast.”<\/p>\n

“But we’ve fixed it, lad, we’ve patched up all da holes wid da lumber ye brought last time…”<\/p>\n

“Grumpy, I brought you this lumber to\u00a0rebuild<\/em>\u00a0the wall, not to lean it against the holes.” Adam shook his head. “And while we’re at it, your corral is in a sorry condition!”<\/p>\n

“Da goats trample it down all da time…” Grumpy broke off. One look in Adam’s face told him that this wasn’t going to be a leisurely day. He scratched his furs, tugged at his moustache and looked very much as if he was trying to find a way out of the mess, but realized it wouldn’t make much sense to try. Grumbling, he turned to Lilyah. “Like I said, der he is comin’ here’n makin’ a nuisance of himself!”<\/p>\n

Adam rolled his eyes and laughed. “I need coffee!”<\/p>\n

“I’ll make it.” Lilyah reached for the bucket again, but Adam was faster and carried it to the caboose.<\/p>\n

Grumpy picked up his water supplies and followed, muttering under his breath.<\/p>\n

* * *<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

37. The Indian Feather\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

The smile never left Lilyah’s dark eyes as she slowly followed the goats on their munching trip alongside the bushes lining the widespread glade, dividing her attention between the animals and the busy bustle around the caboose. Adam had lost no time getting to work after a swift breakfast, already laying out his plans while chewing on the leftovers from last day’s stew, talking with his mouth full, planning to have it all done by the early afternoon. He had started as soon as he had washed down the last bite with a last sip of coffee. Old Grumpy, obviously gutted that his gloomiest premonitions regarding a work-laden day had proven to be dreadfully right, wasn’t left much of a choice but to tag along. Lilyah chuckled as she recalled his shock-stricken face after Adam had performed a merciless demonstration of how necessary the repairs would be – by simply rattling on what turned out to be the sole sturdy board in the wall between the hut and the forge, causing the whole decrepitude contraption to break down. While the old mountaineer had looked as if he had chewed on a lemon, his gnarling and grumbling had significantly ceased and he finally brought himself to follow the instructions of\u00a0dat pesky young’un<\/em>.<\/p>\n

Lilyah’s heart warmed as she watched Adam’s dark clad figure resolutely hammering nails into the wooden planks. He doubtlessly was in good spirits, all over the distance she could hear his laughter, his frolicking voice, and although she couldn’t make out the words, she was fairly sure that he was poking fun at Old Grumpy who clearly wasn’t hard work’s best friend. What a difference from his demeanour on the Ponderosa… Sinking into thought, her gaze lost itself. She couldn’t ever remember seeing him even half as enthusiastic while working at his home. He had shown her a lot of the ranch, talked about the daily tasks, usually pointing out that it was hard work to run a property as large as that. But he had always said it in a tone almost as if to justify something, like pointing out some rather weary fact to people who wouldn’t know anything about it. There had been no laughter in his eyes, not the humorous twinkling of a man wholeheartedly happy with his lot.<\/p>\n

Her eyes wandered to the caboose again, now almost as demolished as the dismantled pump, and Adam whirling about amidst planks and boards and tools and whatnot, hammering here and sawing there, fastiduously moving back and forth, as lively and contented as a boy in a big heap of toys. Maybe it was the joy of helping a friend, maybe the satisfaction of turning a rather run-down place into a proper condition again, or maybe it was just that he was in charge of the whole, planning, deciding and executing everything as he saw fit.<\/p>\n

She started as she heard Chai’s sharp snort, saw the stallion tensing in sudden attention, glaring at a spot in the woods. She closed in on him, but relaxed as she saw Walking Deer appearing between the trees.<\/p>\n

“He’s a good guardian.” The old Indian regarded the stallion with an apprehending smile.<\/p>\n

“He is…” Lilyah returned the smile as he looked at her. She felt a strange liking for this silent man, probably for his dark complexion and his distinctive features that reminded her of a Bedouin. Her father’s mother, the only grandmother she ever knew, had been a Bedouin woman. She cherished the times when her grandmother had taken her to her people’s tents, the same sort of tents that her father had used during hunting or travelling the desert, only the Bedouins lived in their tents all the time, a lifestyle she had fiercely envied them for when she was a child. Her grandmother’s brother had been the chief of the tribe, a large, dark man with pitch black eyes and a huge eagle’s nose, with a thunderous laughter and a roaring voice. The king’s officials had come to this chief once to collect taxes for Marrakech, and afterwards they never were spotted in the area again.<\/p>\n

Almost without knowing, she had followed the old Indian to his place were he had been sitting that morning, watching him unloading a big bunch of thin sticks he had carried along. “What are these for?”<\/p>\n

“Arrows, child.” He gave her a gentle smile and presented one of the thin sticks. “These willow branches make the best arrows.”<\/p>\n

Her eyes lit up. “You have a bow?”<\/p>\n

“I have a bow.” He stumped as he saw the look on her face. “You seem to like bows…”<\/p>\n

“Oh, I do. My father and my uncle used to go hunting with bows, and I also learned to shoot.” Once again, the image of the Bedouin chief appeared before her inner eye. “Archery has a long tradition, in Bedouin history especially. Of course we have rifles now, but my granduncle used to say that he’d still prefer the bow for hunting, because one good shot wouldn’t scare off all the prey in a ten-mile radius.”<\/p>\n

Walking Deer chuckled. “Your granduncle was a wise man.” He took his bow from his shoulder, put on an arrow and pointed across the glade. “You see the single pine over there? The one next to the pile of chopped wood?”<\/p>\n

“Yes.”<\/p>\n

He nodded his head and aimed, the arrow swished from the bow and hit the pine in the middle of the trunk, two yards above the ground. “Well, child…” A slight smile played around his lips. “Now show me how close you can get to my arrow!”<\/p>\n

Delighted, Lilyah took the bow he offered her. It was a simple bow, adorned with a few feathers at one side and a bit of red coloring on the other. Most fortunately, however, was the fact that it was a so-called self bow, made from a single piece of wood, and thus much easier to bend than the massive and hard composite bows the Bedouins had used. She opened her mouth to say something about it, but then refrained from it. Perhaps self bows were customary among Walking Deer’s people, and it might have been inappropriate to mention that in her country they were predominantly used for women’s pastime, because most women had problems bending the much heavier composite bows. While Walking Deer’s bow was still hard enough to strain her muscles, she at least could bend it at all to a sufficient degree – unlike her father’s hunting bow where all her desperate efforts had barely made for a tiresome, and rather useless, five-yard-shot. Much to the sheikh’s amusement…<\/p>\n

“Take your time, child.” Walking Deer watched her with kindness. “Get used to its weight, and its tension…”<\/p>\n

“Lilyah!”<\/p>\n

They both turned their heads at Adam’s alarmed call. Dropping everything on the spot, he hastened across the glade and placed his hand on bow and arrow, turning it towards the ground. “Lil, this is dangerous! You could hurt yourself!” He gave the old Indian an almost reproachful glance. “You shouldn’t let her do this!”<\/p>\n

“Adam!” Lilyah shot him a look. “I can<\/em>\u00a0handle a bow! My father taught me!”<\/p>\n

Adam swallowed the remark that her father had also taught her to use a sabre – or at least tried to, with dubious results. “Lil…” He groped for words.<\/p>\n

“I would watch her shoot first, and then judge.” Walking Deer seemed genuinely amused.<\/p>\n

“Alright…” Adam raised both hands in defeat. “Alright! We’d better clear the camp and all lie flat on the ground…”<\/p>\n

Lilyah pouted, but then she narrowed her eyes and raised the bow, aiming. She would show him.<\/p>\n

The arrow shot from the bow – and hit the trunk of the pine about three feet below Walking Deer’s arrow. Victoriously, she raised her head high and bestowed Adam with a triumphant beam, wagging on her feet with joyous expectation.<\/p>\n

“Uhm…” He shoved his thumbs in his back pockets, bowing forward to give her a look from under raised brows. “It was a chance shot!”<\/p>\n

“No!!” She almost stomped her foot.<\/p>\n

Adam smirked at her outburst, his eyes wandering to the pine where the arrow took a dip downwards and finally fell off, apparently not having been shot with enough power behind it. Blatantly delectating in her flaming eyes, he added, “Easy come, easy go…”<\/p>\n

Lilyah took a deep breath to fire an answer, but before she could get a word out, Walking Deer wordlessly offered her a second arrow. His black eyes were laughing and he gave her an almost imperceptible wink.<\/p>\n

She took the arrow and placed it on the limb, pulling the string back so hard that she felt her arm muscles tingle. Regarding Adam from the corner of her eye, she murmured, “You just wait!”<\/p>\n

The dimples in his cheeks grew deeper and deeper.<\/p>\n

She took great care to aim, gave him a last glare and let the arrow go. It hit the pine two hands below Walking Deer’s.<\/p>\n

“Well?” Lilyah pursed her lips as she gave Adam a haughty look, but her eyes twinkled. “What do you say?”<\/p>\n

“Uhm…” His eyebrows wandered up. “I admit you’ve got me by surprise here!”<\/p>\n

Visibly pleased with herself, she assumed a complacent posture, raising her chin. “And you admit that I’m good!”<\/p>\n

“Hmm…” He rubbed the bridge of his nose, throwing a sidelook at the pine. “Let’s wait a minute and see if it sticks.”<\/p>\n

“Oh, you!!” She couldn’t help laughing, seeing the mischievous sparks dancing in his eyes.<\/p>\n

Adam shook his head in amusement. Bow and arrow – now who would have guessed that? His smile intensified as he watched her small figure, holding the bow like a proud brave. She had eased up so much here on the mountain, the best prove was that she apparently didn’t even mind wearing practically only one-half of her red robe. Of course she was still modestly covered, and an unassuming spectator would not have seen much of a difference, but in the meanwhile he was familiar enough with her style to know that she usually wasn’t settled unless there were at least three layers of silk on top of each other and a veil or two to round it off.<\/p>\n

“Dis girl just shot da arrow?” Grumpy had joined them, squinting at the pine in amazement.<\/p>\n

“She did.” Walking Deer affirmed, and turning to Adam, he added with just a slight trace of relish, “The arrow still sticks.”<\/p>\n

“Hey!” Adam laughed. “Seems to me the two of you have teamed up good!”<\/p>\n

Grumpy looked from Lilyah to Walking Deer and back again. “Same stock, same breed!” he asserted. “Ye better speak a word of power, Adam, or ye never get da upper hand again!”<\/p>\n

Adam chuckled. “You and your word of power! But you’re right, I shall speak one…” And with a bright smile, “Back to work, Grumpy!”<\/p>\n

“Duh! Nettlesome slavedriver dat ye are! Comin’ here on a peaceful day makin’ a big mess of dings turnin’ everyding upside down…” Grumbling under his breath, he marched back to the caboose.<\/p>\n

“I’ll join you in a minute.” Walking Deer looked after his companion, “…and help.”<\/p>\n

“Oh, take your time…” Adam closed in on Lilyah and placed his hand affectionately on her neck. “You might want to do a little more shooting…?”<\/p>\n

“If I may?” She looked up to the old Indian and smiled as he nodded.<\/p>\n

“Then you better stay, Walking Deer…” Adam searched for words. “Uhm… you might show her some tricks… perhaps teach her something about bows in general…”<\/p>\n

A shade of amusement stole over the Indian’s face. “Don’t you worry, Adam. She’ll be doing fine.”<\/p>\n

“Yah…” Adam met Lilyah’s gaze and had the vague feeling that she was giggling inside. “Great shot!” he said.<\/p>\n

Lilyah broke into a big smile and lovingly brushed over his cheek. He hadn’t shaved this morning, and the lower part of his face was dark with stubbles. But as scratchy as it was, it made his lips look even more sensitive. Very softly, she touched his lower lip with the tip of a finger and felt her heart warming as he lightly kissed it.<\/p>\n

“Alright then…” He took a step back, flashing his teeth. “I better get going and look after Grumpy, before he takes a nap.”<\/p>\n

Her eyes followed him as he swiftly returned to the caboose, without noticing that she unconsciously pressed the bow against herself.<\/p>\n

“Now try again.” There was a ring of laughter in Walking Deer’s voice as he offered a third arrow. “Two hands from mine is good, but I know you can do better!”<\/p>\n

“Oh…” She turned around to him. “I’ll try my best!”<\/p>\n

And while she placed the arrow on the string, she caught herself at the thought of how wonderful it would be if Adam had a father like Walking Deer.<\/p>\n

* * *<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

“Adam!” Old Grumpy dropped the end of the pole he was carrying with Walking Deer, with not much care that the Indian had just been placing his end against a fence post to fasten it to. “What about a break? Yer workin’ us to dead, duh, dat’s what yer doin’! Meh cain’t hold on any much longer widout a break!”<\/p>\n

Adam took a deep breath as he lowered the hammer and squinted at the sun. The dark orange globe was already standing low; it might be an hour or less before it would touch the tips of the pines surrounding the wide glade. Even if they would set off back to the Ponderosa right now, they would not reach the ranch before nightfall. Wiping the sweat from his brow with the back of his hand, he glanced over a hard day’s work. They weren’t even finished, at least not to his fullest satisfaction. While the sidewalls of the hut and the back of the forge were standing – shiny, new and sturdy – the shingles of the roof were still in need of some touching up. He also would have to put the pieces of the pump back together. He dipped the freshly welded piece of metal into the cooling water where it produced sharp hissing sounds and small clouds of vaporized steam. His father would be mad as a hornet by now…<\/p>\n

“Come on, pup! All dat hard work ain’t no good fer yer soul, anyways, just makes ye gettin’ old before yer time. Afta all, da good Lord made dose fine sunny days fer jollity and recreation, not fer breakin’ da big sweat!”<\/p>\n

Adam couldn’t help a smirk and took an amused glance at Grumpy’s rather desolate state. Of course the old man was sweating hard, still having all his shaggy furs hanging down from his lankish figure in quite a sad and sorry composition.<\/p>\n

“Alright…” He slowly moved the tong with the metal through the cooling water. “I’ll put the pump back together and then we’ll have a break!”<\/p>\n

“Dat’s da word!” Grumpy immediately looked much happier. “Ye’ll see, lad, a fine mug of milk and some good grub will make ye feel a heap of a lot better soon!” He joyfully marched off to the caboose, while Walking Deer resignedly placed the pole in the grass.<\/p>\n

Adam fished the cooled-down metal out of the water and collected the repaired pieces of the pump. Would it really make a difference whether they stayed out one night or two? Maybe to his father it would, but the result would be pretty much the same either way. Of course he could hurry, of course he could expect Grumpy and Walking Deer to finish the work without him – as he had done many times before. The best part of it had always been Grumpy’s elaborate and adventurous explanations afterwards as to why they just couldn’t have found a chance to get to it.<\/p>\n

A whinny tore him out of this thoughts and a twinkle showed in his eyes as he regarded Chai, who once again tried to pester Mariah. But, unlike all other horses who usually spooked from the stallion and allowed him to chase them all over the place, the big mare merely bestowed him with a bored look before she conveniently continued grazing. The black Arabian stood flustered, like a naughty boy disappointed over his favorite prank not working anymore. After tossing his head and shaking his long mane, he trotted to his mistress, most likely to collect some solace.<\/p>\n

Lilyah… Adam’s eyes warmed at her sight. With her long hair flowing freely down her back and the silken garments of the red robe softly floating around her delicate features, she looked like a sweet little fairy queen. Slowly wandering the edge of the woods with the goats all around her, she reminded him of a pastoral poem come to life. She seemed so relaxed and at peace with herself, and he had to fight down the wish to join her and walk alongside. His gaze lost itself. In a not so distant future, she would walk over her own land, the place that would be her own home. He already knew where this would be and as soon as they were back, he would get started on it. And he knew that she would love it, even though he hadn’t had a chance yet to show her the land, the wide meadows at the lake, so wonderfully suited for horses. And for goats… watching how happily and lovingly she tended to Grumpy’s animals, she probably would love to have some herself.<\/p>\n

Adam smiled, caressing her image with his eyes. She had spend about two hours shooting with Walking Deer’s bow, littering the poor pine and several other goals with arrows before she had returned to tending the goats. She had been keen to leave the glade for Walking Deer had mentioned a better pasture at the spring, but Adam had intervened, not wanting her to get out of his view. She wouldn’t mind staying a little longer, and she would doubtlessly prefer to make the long ride back to the Ponderosa in daylight. He had well noticed that she hadn’t felt very comfortable on their nightly trip through the woods. Nodding to himself, he walked to the water pump and started working on it.<\/p>\n

It took him no more than twenty minutes before he could operate the fixed pump and produce a gush of fresh, cool water. Rejoiced and satisfied, he washed his hot and sweaty face, filled a bucket and splashed good amounts of water over his head, neck, chest and arms. It was a splendid relief in the heat of the day. The cantering of hooves came to his ear and a big shadow fell over him.<\/p>\n

“Hey, Chai…” he laughed and got up. “You never miss something good, do you?” Filling the bucket again, he offered it to the stallion and spotted his mare eagerly coming closer. “Come here, girl! Fresh water for beautiful redhaired ladies!”<\/p>\n

“Da pump is workin’!” Grumpy approached with long stork-like strides. “Adam, yer sure da peskiest, bothersomest, troublesomest nuisance dat ever walked da eard, but it’s forever good to have ye as a friend!” He heartily slapped the younger man’s shoulder and then jumped at the pump to fill the adjourning trough. “Duh, ain’t dat grand to have da pump back!”<\/p>\n

A choir of excited bleats sounded up and Adam turned to see the five goats jumping and galloping towards the pump. They were in such haste to get to the water that they pushed Grumpy off his feet and caused him to fall. His upper part landed in the half filled trough, his lower part sticking out.<\/p>\n

“Pesky critters!” Grumpy scrambled back on his legs, water dripping from the furs covering his arms and shoulders. “As if dem hadn’t drank all da water fetched dis morning!”<\/p>\n

Adam chuckled, but his eyes rested on Lilyah who had been following the goats, all smiles.<\/p>\n

“You’ve fixed it!” Her tone made it clear that she hadn’t had any doubts upon him doing so. She affectionately placed her hand on his arm, with no care that it was soaking wet.<\/p>\n

“Yah.” He flashed her a grin. “D’you want me to throw myself in the battle and conquer some water for you?”<\/p>\n

She laughed. “I can wait.” Her fingers tenderly touched his chin which by now was almost black with stubbles. “You might use some for a shave…”<\/p>\n

“You bet!”<\/p>\n

She looked up to his face. He had been working so hard, not taking a break even once, and it showed. His open shirt was damp, his black hair dishevelled, but his hazel eyes were happy and bright. She softly brushed back the curls hanging over his forehead, noticing with some delight that they were long enough to curl at all. She liked his hair much better when it was longer, wavier. It made him look less severe. Noticing that she was thoughtlessly stroking through his hair, she forced herself to withdraw her hand, her eyes wandered to the cabin. “You’ve done so much!”<\/p>\n

“T’was badly in the need of it, and there’s still some work to be done.” A ring of regret lay in his voice, he had enjoyed her loving touch so much. “Lil, you wouldn’t mind if we stay another night? It would give me a chance to finish here and we wouldn’t have to ride back in darkness, but could start tomorrow morning.”<\/p>\n

“Of course not – I like it here.” She softly brushed over his shoulder. “And after all your working, you shouldn’t take the long ride without a good night’s rest, either!”<\/p>\n

“Rest is da word!” Grumpy sounded off. “”Dat’s ma saying all da time! Let’s get to da fire, Deer’s preparing a fine substantial meal!”<\/p>\n

Adam’s look became a tad skeptical as he regarded the old Indian hovering over the fire place, but Lilyah’s eyes lit up. “Is this goat cheese?”<\/p>\n

“Sure is, child!” Grumpy threw himself in posture. “Da best goat cheese ye’ve ever eaten. Meh made it maself!”<\/p>\n

“I’ll make the coffe!” Lilyah went for the coffee pot.<\/p>\n

Grumpy closed in on Adam, bringing his mouth close to the younger man’s ear. “She’s a fine, fine girl! Good wid’da goats, did da milking just about perfectly, ‘n Deer says she’s a pretty good shot.” Lowering his voice even more to a confidential whisper, he added, “Ye should keep her!”<\/p>\n

Adam chuckled, almost amazed at himself as his heart did such a jump at these words. Mimicking Grumpy’s serious expression, he clandestinely whispered back, “I plan to!”<\/p>\n

“Jolly good!” Grumpy nodded his head. “Now come on, pup, ye need some fine grub!”<\/p>\n

The fine grub consisted of Indian flatbread, goat cheese and some kind of meat roasting in a pan, together with some unidentifiable roots.<\/p>\n

Adam sat down and glanced at the pan. “What kind of meat is this?”<\/p>\n

“Rattlesnake.”<\/p>\n

“Ugh…”<\/p>\n

Walking Deer chuckled. “Don’t you wrinkle your nose, Adam. Rattlesnake is good meat.” He stirred the contents of the pan. “If a man lies close to death, the meat of a rattlesnake can restore his life.”<\/p>\n

Lilyah stepped closer. “The African herders used to catch snakes and roast them. I tried them once and they were quite good and tasty. But of course they were different snakes.”<\/p>\n

“All snakes taste alike.” Grumpy chimed in and turned to Adam. “She knows someding of good cookin’!”<\/p>\n

“Sure…” Adam fought what he could, but he couldn’t hold back the laughter. His shoulders helplessly shaking, he finally cracked up such that the two old men gazed at him in clueless bewilderment. Lilyah gave him a perturbed look, but her face softened as she met his glittering eyes, even when he burst out laughing again, wiping the tears from his cheeks.<\/p>\n

Grumpy shook his head. “Told ye all dat hard workin’ ain’t no good fer yer brains, causin’ worrysome effects in da heat!” He lavishly filled the bowls with bread, cheese, rattlesnake and roots. “Da young’uns stay for da night, Deer.”<\/p>\n

“I’ve heard it.” The old Indian took his bowl and began eating.<\/p>\n

“Duh! Ye sure hear da fleas coughin’ in a mile distance!” Grumpy took a hearty mouthful and talked while chewing. “Good fer ye, lad, ‘n take yer time as much as ye need it. Dat madness down dere ain’t no good fer yer soul, either. Gettin’ worse ‘n worse by da year, now wid’dat silver ‘n all. Folks are like mad, bitin’ left’n right for da riches.”<\/p>\n

Adam didn’t reply. There was still a shade of his laughter lingering around his lips as he looked down in his bowl, undecided what to taste first. From the corner of his eye he saw that Lilyah had begun eating with quite a good appetite. Raising one eyebrow, he finally picked out a crumbly piece of cheese.<\/p>\n

“And da ranchers ain’t much better…” Grumpy went on with his tirade. “Too much cattle fer da dry lands, and now der fightin’ for da grass. Wonder how old Jerry’s doin’. Told him not to go down dere, but he’d had it wid’da huntin’. Talkin’ of gettin’ a spread and settle down and all. Duh, no good prospects down dere!” He turned to Adam. “Ye should know him. Jerry Hatfield!”<\/p>\n

Adam stumped, his brow furrowed. “Jeremiah Hatfield?”<\/p>\n

“Da same if der’s not two of dem.” Grumpy laughed as he noticed Adam’s look. “Duh, lad, sure know old Jerry ain’t not havin’ much use for all dem stupid laws down dere, and sure has broken one or two in his days, but ye take ma word for it, he’s a good lad nonedaless. Ye need help, old Jerry gives ye his last shirt, holes and all. But all da useless laws down dere, ‘n people gettin’ all stuck-up and stiffed-necked wid’da territory nonsense ‘n all, draggin’ der so-called civilization to da lands… no! Days are gone were a man could build a cabin ‘n leave da rest to da Good Lord. Down dere, dat is. Up here in da mountains a man can still be a man!” He gave Adam a wink. “Dus it’s good fer ye to stay some while. Puts yer soul to rest ‘n peace again.”<\/p>\n

Adam’s forehead had creased. “We had a lot of trouble with Jeremiah Hatfield…” He hesitated. “Awhile ago I was waylaid, shot at from an ambush. Hatfield was blamed for it.”<\/p>\n

Grumpy looked baffled, but then he resolutely shook his head. “No, pup! Jerry can be quite a rogue one, but, if he wants to harm ye, he’ll be standin’ in da middle of yer way ‘n drag ye off yer horse ‘n hit ye straight in da face! But he’d never shoot ye from da back!”<\/p>\n

Adam cogitavely scratched his ear, deep in thought.<\/p>\n

“Hadn’t you had your doubts about it, anyway?” Lilyah asked tentatively. “Because of the rifle… you said one couldn’t know it was this Hatfield.”<\/p>\n

“If Jerry had shot ye, ye’d know it fer sure!” Grumpy stated dryly. “Fer he would’ve stood right in front of ye!”<\/p>\n

Adam thoughtfully nodded his head, rubbing his chin with his knuckles. Old Grumpy was an oddball, but he sure had an eye for people. His brows working, he threw an asking look to Walking Deer.<\/p>\n

The Indian noticed. “I’m with Grumpy here,” he simply stated.<\/p>\n

“Yah…” Adam’s gaze lost itself. “I’ll have to look into that.” His brow still furrowed, he continued eating.<\/p>\n

* * *<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Lilyah woke up early the next morning, as the first rays of the sun found their way through the cracks and chips of the patchworked wall of their compartment. She didn’t want to move, so warmly resting in Adam’s arm, nestled into his side. Even though they both were tightly wrapped in their own blankets, the closeness was so intense. Yet after awhile, she couldn’t resist turning her head to look at his face. He was still sound asleep, having worked so hard well into the night. The roof was fixed, the corral repaired, and he probably would’ve rebuild the whole place if he hadn’t run out of lumber. She smiled as she watched a speck of sunlight on his cheek, disappearing and reemerging again, most likely due to a branch outside getting into the ray’s way as the wind moved it. After awhile, a second speck joined the rhythm, off and on highlighting his nose. She suppressed a chuckle and couldn’t resist to softly brush over his face with a finger. As light as the touch was, it woke him. Torn between the regret at having disturbed his sleep and the joyful anticipation of seeing him awaken, she watched his eyelids flutter and finally open to reveal the beloved hazel eyes.<\/p>\n

“Good morning…” He turned his face towards her, a smile growing around his lips. “What’s so amusing?”<\/p>\n

“Your nose…”<\/p>\n

“Uhm…” He squinted down his nose. “Never was aware of that before…”<\/p>\n

She laughed and wrapped her blanket closer around her as he bowed forward to gently kiss her temple. Their eyes met as their foreheads softly touched, and for awhile they were lost in each other’s gaze. Lilyah couldn’t resist to place a light kiss on his cheek, and his lips touched hers, very gingerly and very chaste. It took them both some effort to move apart.<\/p>\n

“We better get going…” Adam rose to his feet.<\/p>\n

“Yes…” Lilyah sat up. “Adam, do you think you could arrange for me to wash – all by myself?”<\/p>\n

“Sure.” He smiled. “Stay here, I’ll get you some water.” He took his gun belt and left the compartment.<\/p>\n

* * *<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

“Now would ye look at dem loony critters!” Old Grumpy scratched his furs. “Dem never be dat sweet wid meh! Wid meh, dem always make da riot!”<\/p>\n

Lilyah smiled and rubbed the goat behind the ear, a loving the doe visibly enjoyed. She had agreed to do the milking before they left. Adam was already saddling the horses.<\/p>\n

“You just have to be kind to them.” She plucked some grass and offered it to the goat who eagerly swallowed it down. “And give them a treat for their milk!”<\/p>\n

“But da so-called treats are growin’ all over da place! Dem can get it demselves!”<\/p>\n

“That’s not the same. If you give them some, they realize that you like them – and they’ll like you back in return!”<\/p>\n

“Duh…” Grumpy pulled a face, but then he broke into a grin. “Tell ye wad, child – if ye ever get tired of Adam, ye can always find a good home here wid meh ‘n old Deer!”<\/p>\n

Lilyah chuckled. By now she knew his ways. “That’s nice, Grumpy, but I don’t think this will be the case any time soon.”<\/p>\n

He laughed and took the full milk bucket. “Just between ye and meh: he’s one fine lad! Ye never find a better one, ye can take ma word fer it!”<\/p>\n

Her face broke into a warm smile. “I know.”<\/p>\n

The old mountaineer marched off to the caboose, Lilyah followed more slowly, her smile fading, even though Chai came running towards her, nickering in excitement, a sight that usually never failed to lift her spirits. Of course the stallion was eager to run, but she wasn’t as eagerly. She knew that Adam had to return – back to a father who didn’t understand him, back to his shadows, back to an unknown foe who was set to harm him… and she just wished he wouldn’t have to. She could have stayed at this place forever.<\/p>\n

“Chai…” She dodged the stallion who had started pushing his nose against her hip, trying to get her to mount. “Let’s wait, and don’t be so impatient!”<\/p>\n

The stallion gave her a look, his ears rotating. Sensing her mood, he answered with a loving blow.<\/p>\n

“Good boy!” She gently brushed over his head and walked up to Adam who was just fastening his mare’s girth.<\/p>\n

“You’re all done?” he asked, his eyes resting upon her affectionately. She wore her full robe again, with all its fineries and pastiches, along with all the hair jewels and the back veil. While he dearly loved her in a more simple garment and particularly with her hair unbound, he never ceased to enjoy the full range of Arab splendor, so plentiful especially in this dark red robe.<\/p>\n

“I’m ready.” She motioned Chai to her side and was about to use Adam’s cupped hand as a mounting help when Walking Deer approached. Without much fuss, he presented a bow and a quiver full of arrows.<\/p>\n

“It’s yours,” he simply said.<\/p>\n

Lilyah looked at him, speechless. Amazement in her face, she took the bow which at first sight appeared to be the same she had been shooting with the day before. Only on second sight she noticed that it was a bit smaller, even more nicely adorned with feathers and colorful, tiny wooden pearls.<\/p>\n

“For me?”<\/p>\n

“For you,” he affirmed with a smile. “It’s more suited to your own size. You will practice and be good with it, and your ancestors will be proud of you.”<\/p>\n

“Oh, I will! It’s so beautiful…” Her eyes admired the bow, then she looked up to the old Indian again. “I want to give you something back!”<\/p>\n

“You don’t have to.”<\/p>\n

“But I want to!” She looked around and met Adam’s eyes who smiled at her, genuinely happy for her joy. She looked like a child under the Christmas tree. “Hold it, please!” She put bow and quiver in his hands and turned to her stallion, quickly removing the richly adorned, tassle-decorated ornamental band from his breast-plate. Offering it to the Indian, she said with sudden shyness, “I hope you like it…”<\/p>\n

Now it was Walking Deer’s turn to be stumped as he scanned over the Oriental decoration, the colorful tassles and the golden engravings. “I can’t take it… it’s too precious.”<\/p>\n

“Not any more than your bow!” Lilyah retorted. “Not for me!”<\/p>\n

He smiled and took it from her hands. “Then I’ll take it with great joy!”<\/p>\n

She laughed. “My joy is bigger!” Brimming with delight, she looked for a way to store the gifts on her saddle.<\/p>\n

“You can carry it this way.” Walking Deer gently helped her to shoulder both the bow and the quiver.<\/p>\n

Adam suppressed a chuckle at the sight. “I’ll make you a halter for it to carry it on the saddle,” he promised and offered her his cupped hand again to mount. She swung into the saddle and started sorting her robes, smiling to herself.<\/p>\n

“Thanks!” Adam warmly squeezed Walking Deer’s shoulder, slapped Grumpy’s back and mounted his mare.<\/p>\n

“Wait.” Walking Deer took one of his big eagle feathers and attached it to Chai’s bridle. “Now every Paiute you’ll meet will know you have a Paiute as a friend.”<\/p>\n

“Oh, I thank you!” Lilyah was so happy that she did not even wonder about Chai having tolerated the act without biting. She cheerfully admired the feather while Adam’s dimples grew so deep that his cheeks started shining. His eyes were laughing.<\/p>\n

After bidding last farewells to the two old men, they finally turned their horses and left.<\/p>\n

* * *<\/p>\n

38. Back Again\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

Adam halted his mare and waited until Lilyah had pulled up next to him.<\/p>\n

“We’re almost there.” He pointed forward. The large pines opened before them, and between their high trunks they could see the Ponderosa ranch house, as small as a wooden toy house in the distance.<\/p>\n

Lilyah looked up to him. The brim of his hat overshadowed his face, but she could feel that he was bracing himself. Like he had become quieter and quieter, more and more lost in thought since he had pointed out to her that they had entered Ponderosa land. She motioned Chai closer to Mariah and extended her hand, reaching out for his.<\/p>\n

A small smile stole over his lips as he took her hand and softly squeezed it, wordlessly. For quite a long while they sat silently, watching the house, until he gave her hand a last squeeze and let it go to take up the reins.<\/p>\n

“Come on…” He clicked his tongue to nudge the mare forward, trotting along the barely perceptible path winding its way through the pines, bushes and boulders.<\/p>\n

Lilyah followed, a storm of worries and overboarding feelings hidden behind her calm features.<\/p>\n

* * *<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam almost sighed when they rode into the yard and the first thing he saw were the two Miller horses tied to the post in front of the house. They hadn’t even crossed the yard when the door flew open and his father came marching out, both Millers in tow. Little Joe was the last in line, a mixture of relief and worried anticipation on his face.<\/p>\n

“Adam! Where’ve you been?” Ben Cartwright’s glower didn’t speak of anything good.<\/p>\n

“Sorry, Pa, we got sidetracked.” Adam pulled up and dismounted, turning to help Lilyah from the saddle.<\/p>\n

“Adam!” Henry Miller looked a lot more cheerful than his host. “Good to see you, boy, we almost were afraid we’d miss you again; already came to see you yesterday… Miss Lilyah.” He politely tipped his hat to Lilyah and then looked back to his son, giving him a resolute sign with his broad chin to come closer. Turning to Adam again, he added. “Adam, Frank here’s got something to say!” He threw his son an admonishing look.<\/p>\n

“Ah, Adam…” Frank Miller donned his most rueful face. “What I wanted to say… well… I have to apologize… also to you, Miss Lilyah.” He gallantly bowed in her direction. “I was a bit… well…”<\/p>\n

“He couldn’t take no for a no!” Henry Miller chimed in, both thumbs in the pockets of his vest.<\/p>\n

“Yes!” Frank nodded his head regretfully. “I was just so dazzled by such beauty that I forgot my manners. I’m sorry!” He extended his hand to Adam. “No hard feelings?”<\/p>\n

Adam drew a breath, catching his father’s demanding eye. Of course, good neighbors and all… Almost against his will he accepted the hand. “No hard feelings.”<\/p>\n

Frank cordially shook Adam’s hand, smiling and laughing. “Gosh, I’m glad we’ve got this settled! I really felt bad about it.” He turned to approach Lilyah, extending his hand to her as well. “I sure hope you’ll also forg…”<\/p>\n

He didn’t come any further as all of a sudden Chai acted up, giving an aggressive snort, half rearing to hit his front hooves against the man.<\/p>\n

Frank jumped back so hastily that he almost fell, flailing his arms for balance.<\/p>\n

“Chai…” Lilyah took the reins of the stallion who kept on stomping his hooves and tossing his head and motioned him to move backwards, but she didn’t seem particularly annoyed about his demeanor. In a rather soft tone she added, “Behave yourself.”<\/p>\n

“This is a wild, wild horse!” Frank called out, his steel blue eyes darting from one to another. Adam pursed his lips and looked down on his boots, just a quick look at the Arabian from the corner of his eye revealed that he wasn’t exactly upset, either. Henry Miller even seemed amused, and only Ben Cartwright’s face had considerably darkened.<\/p>\n

“You better put this animal in the corral!” There was a definite growl in his deep voice, his eyes were glued to the bow and the quiver she was still wearing at the back of her shoulder. It wasn’t a sight to lift his mood.<\/p>\n

“No harm was done, Ben, and it seems like he’s calmed down again.” Henry Miller turned to Lilyah. “Truth be told, young lady, you deserve a lot of respect for riding such a hot-tempered horse. Beautiful animal, by the way.”<\/p>\n

“Thank you, Sir.” Lilyah continued patting Chai’s muzzle to gently soothe him.<\/p>\n

“I just would love to shake the lady’s hand!” Frank had caught himself, brushing over his jacket.<\/p>\n

Lilyah stood very erect. “I’m sorry, Sir, but in my country it is not customary for a woman to shake a man’s hand. We have very strict traditions for the separation of the genders.”<\/p>\n

“That sounds awful!” Frank exclaimed, and with a witty laugh he intimated, “But I’m sure the young men in your country are as eager as skillful to find ways to get around these traditions.”<\/p>\n

“No, Sir.”<\/p>\n

“Not even once? In a country that has such immensely beautiful ladies?” He playfully wagged on his heels. “I can’t believe that there wouldn’t even be one young fellow who wouldn’t yield to temptation. And try something.” He smiled at her. “Oh, and my name is Frank.”<\/p>\n

Lilyah’s face remained humourless. “Well… in fact, I can remember one case of a young man who tried. A foreigner, of course, the son of a French merchant. He even found his way into a garden that was solely reserved for women.”<\/p>\n

“Ah, the French! That could’ve been me!” Frank laughed and gave her a confidential wink. “I sure hope he got the sweet reward he deserved!”<\/p>\n

“That depends on the viewpoint, Sir,” Lilyah remarked dryly. “He was beheaded.”<\/p>\n

Frank’s frivolous smile plunged from his face. Little Joe burst out cackling while Adam rubbed the bridge of his nose and started studying his boots again, hiding the smirk stealing over his lips. Henry Miller merely raised his eyebrows. “Well, Frank,” he mused. “You’re certainly glad that all you’d gotten was Adam’s fist!”<\/p>\n

“And you shouldn’t laugh so loud, young man!” Ben turned to his youngest. “You would sure be the first one to run into trouble in that country!”<\/p>\n

Joe gulped and rubbed his throat.<\/p>\n

“I’ll put Chai on the pasture.” Lilyah looked up to Adam. “I can take Mariah with me…”<\/p>\n

“Uhm, no… I’ll have to ride out again in a short while.” Regarding her bewildered and asking eyes, he added, “After I’ve cared for your comfort – but there is something I’ll have to look into; it won’t take long.”<\/p>\n

“Whatever it is, son, it will have to wait. I want to talk to you!” Ben stepped up. “You can stable your horse!”<\/p>\n

Adam took a breath and caught Joe grimacing, stealthily trying to signal him caution from behind their father’s back. Adam did not flinch. “Sure.” He took the mare’s reins and turned her around, curtly nodding to the Millers. “Henry, Frank.”<\/p>\n

He led the mare to the barn, Lilyah hastened to follow him, leading a dancing Chai.<\/p>\n

“Well, we gotta get going!” Henry Miller turned to his horse. “Got a lot of work to do!”<\/p>\n

Ben ushered his guests along. “I’m sure glad you’ve finally met my wayward son and didn’t come in vain again!”<\/p>\n

“Ah, Ben!” Henry laughed. “Your fine brandy makes up for a lot!”<\/p>\n

Little Joe used his father’s distraction to whizz into the barn.<\/p>\n

“Hey, Adam…” He closed in on his brother, looking over his shoulder as if to make sure he wasn’t followed. “You better tread lightly around Pa. He’s not quite in his most pleasant mood, if you know what I mean…” He pulled a telling face.<\/p>\n

“Yeah…” A fleeting smile passed Adam’s lips. “Thanks for the warning, buddy.”<\/p>\n

“Anytime… Hey, Lily – is that a bow? Where ‘d you get that from?”<\/p>\n

“It’s a gift from a friend!” She took off the bow and showed it to him, her smile less cheerful than it normally would have been. She was fairly soured at Ben Cartwright, not even asking Adam what it was he had to do. And it had to be something of importance, or else Adam would not think of riding out after the long trip from the mountains, without taking time for refreshment.<\/p>\n

Joe whistled through his teeth. “Grand! You can shoot with that thing?”<\/p>\n

“She sure can!” Adam turned to unsaddle Chai when he stumped. The knuckles of his brother’s hands were scraped open, as if he had gotten into a brawl. “Joe, what happened to your hands?”<\/p>\n

“Uh… nothing…” Joe pulled an innocent face and donned a sheepish grin when Adam’s look became skeptical. “Ah, just a bit of fun in the saloon…”<\/p>\n

Adam shook his head. Now that he had a closer look, he could see that Joe’s right cheek was a tad swollen and slightly darker than the other. “Joe…”<\/p>\n

Joe snickered and turned to Lilyah, pointing his thumb at Adam. “Older brother at it again!”<\/p>\n

All three listened when the cantering of hooves indicated that the Millers were riding from the yard. The brothers exchanged a look, both thinking the same. The question now was what their father would do – storm into the barn to vent his anger right there and then, or retreat to the house to hover around his red armchair like a spider in the middle of the web, waiting for the flies to come in. As they both knew from plentiful experience, the latter was the worst case.<\/p>\n

Nobody stormed the barn, and Joe’s face scrunched into a sorrowful visage. Adam merely raised an eyebrow and thrust the Arab saddle across the post. It was what he had expected. He turned to unsaddle Mariah when he caught sight of Lilyah storing her bridle and reaching out for the horse brushes, as usual determined to groom her stallion before she would do anything else.<\/p>\n

“Lil…” He broke off and bit his lower lip, undecided what to do. He wanted her to have a comfortable, refreshing bath, to recreate and recover from the long ride; he knew she was longing to change her gown. He also wanted to keep her out of the upcoming confrontation, pondering whether the grooming might hold her long enough to pass it by. It was more likely though that she would enter the house in an unfortunate moment. Aware of her asking eyes, he struggled for a decision. “Uhm… let’s do the grooming later… together. After I come back. For now, let’s just put them on the pasture.”<\/p>\n

“Alright.” She put the brush back and stepped closer to take off Mariah’s bridle. She had well noticed Adam’s struggle and it pained her beyond means. He who by nature was so determined, so self-secure, so content if he could simply have everything run as he saw fit.<\/p>\n

“Where’re you going?” Joe asked.<\/p>\n

“There’s a matter I have to look into… nothing much.”<\/p>\n

“You’re going to town?”<\/p>\n

“No.” Adam led the mare out of the barn to the pasture next to the house; Lilyah followed with Chai. Joe tagged along, filled with curiosity but knowing that it was useless to dig into his brother.<\/p>\n

Lilyah softly touched Adam’s arm as they watched the horses cantering off. “You know Mariah will be right there when you need her.”<\/p>\n

“Yah…” A smile played around his eyes and he placed his hand on her shoulder. “Lil, I want you to go upstairs when we go into the house. I’ll tell Hop Sing to fix you a snack and prepare a bath for you in the room next to yours. That way, you can take all the time you need to refresh yourself and change your dress without having to walk through the great room. You’ll have the whole upstairs as a woman’s refuge.” He gently fondled her arm. “I won’t take long – chances are I’ll be back before you’re finished.”<\/p>\n

“But won’t that be an unnecessary hassle? The bath upstairs, I mean…”<\/p>\n

Joe laughed. “Why, no! Actually, most folks on the Ponderosa prefer their bath upstairs, it’s just we that take the small room next to the kitchen.”<\/p>\n

Lilyah looked from one to another. She didn’t really like the idea of poor Hop Sing having to run up and down the stairs umpteen times, first to fill the tub and then to empty it. She also didn’t like the thought that Adam was blatantly trying to get her out of the way – once again. Like always when his father was concerned. Weren’t they close enough by now to face it together? Side by side? But then she reminded herself that he must feel as worn as she did, wearing the same clothes for two days straight, having slept in them twice, most likely longing for a refreshment as much, and still he had that matter to look after and on top of it all his father to face. She shouldn’t make it any harder for him. Nodding her head, she looked up to his face. “Alright…”<\/p>\n

“Fine.” He tenderly took her arm and walked her to the house.<\/p>\n

* * *<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben Cartwright had been brooding in front of the hearth when they entered the house. Slowly coming around, he immediately caught sight of the bow and the quiver Lilyah was carrying and his brow furrowed.<\/p>\n

“With all due respect, Miss Lilyah, don’t you think it just a bit inappropriate to walk about with bow and arrow?”<\/p>\n

“Now would you give her a break, please!” Adam’s voice was close to a hiss.<\/p>\n

“Adam, the whole town…”<\/p>\n

“She’s tired, she’s worn, and she needs a rest!” Adam cut in sharply, his eyes glistening. Protectively placing his hand on Lilyah’s shoulder, he turned to her and said in a softer tone, “Go upstairs.”<\/p>\n

She opened her mouth as if to protest, but was at a loss for words. She was caught completely off guard by his father’s remark, didn’t know what was wrong about the bow, didn’t know how to react to it. But all of a sudden, in spite of her previous resolution, she didn’t want to leave Adam alone.<\/p>\n

“Please…” he added.<\/p>\n

She silently nodded her head and went upstairs. Adam turned to walk to the kitchen, tossing his hat on the credenza.<\/p>\n

“Adam…”<\/p>\n

“Just a minute.”<\/p>\n

Ben angrily stepped in his son’s way. “Adam, I want to talk to you\u00a0right now!<\/em>”<\/p>\n

Adam halted and raised his head, their eyes locking. Ben’s almost black, glowering at his oldest, with the intimidating look that demanded respect and obedience and was used to getting it; Adam’s darkened in his determination to stand his ground, not wavering and not flickering.<\/p>\n

“Lilyah needs a bath and something to eat.” Adam’s face did not reveal any emotion, neither did his voice. “I’ll just notify Hop Sing about it and I’ll be with you in a minute.”<\/p>\n

Ben took a deep breath through his nose as Adam passed him by without waiting for an answer. A part of him felt that he shouldn’t have let this slip, another thought that his son’s request was at least understandable. Who’d ever know where they’d been… the thought did nothing to soothe his temper.<\/p>\n

Meanwhile, Little Joe sneaked up to the settee, like he wished to make himself invisible and hide in between the upholstery. Hoss’s words still rang in his ear.\u00a0‘They’re both too dadburn stubborn for their own good!’<\/em><\/p>\n

“Joseph!”<\/p>\n

He pulled in his head before he turned around and donned a boyish smile. “Yes, Pa?”<\/p>\n

“Don’t you have any work to do?”<\/p>\n

“Uhm…” Joe cleared his throat, moving his arms in a sheepish gesture, almost questioningly pointing to the door. “Sure, Pa…”<\/p>\n

“Well?”<\/p>\n

“Uhm… yes, Sir.” Joe hurried to leave the house.<\/p>\n

Adam reappeared from the kitchen and slowly walked up to the small table behind the settee, facing his father. Ben stood next to his red armchair, hands on hips, scrutinizing his son’s appearance with cutting eyes. Adam’s shirt looked like he had slept in it, his hair had grown a tad too long for Ben’s taste. He still wore his gun belt and did not bother to take it off.<\/p>\n

“Where in the blazes did she get that bow from?”<\/p>\n

Adam raised his brows and shoved his thumbs behind his gun belt. “She got it from a good old friend of mine. It was a gift – and she was very happy about it.”<\/p>\n

“Adam…” Ben threw up his arms, until his forefinger finally pointed vehemently into an indefinite direction, somewhere out of the window. “Do you know that the\u00a0whole town<\/em>\u00a0is running its mouth over her being an Indian? That we just dressed her up to hide that fact? And that she’s, in fact, an Apache?” His arm flew through the air, his eyes were spitting fire. “There even is a rumour that\u00a0Cochise<\/em>\u00a0is her father!!”<\/p>\n

“The horse?”<\/p>\n

Ben nearly jumped in a rage, looking as if he was on the verge of explosion. Adam did not flinch. He knew all too well that his sarcasm wasn’t wisely applied in this situation, but it was his only way to keep his own growing anger at bay, his vexation, his disappointment. He was so tired of it. He wasn’t a boy anymore. Pulling up an eyebrow, he added dryly, “Well, you certainly know better who her father is, don’t you?”<\/p>\n

Ben proffed himself up, fuming. “You mind your tone, young man! I’m not going to tolerate this sort of behavior from you!” His eyes smoldered. “And you should take this matter a little more seriously! The talk is all over town, spreading like wildfire! And she’s riding around in the wilderness with bow and arrow and her horse all patched up with a war bonnet!” He spat out the words.<\/p>\n

“War bonnet! Oh, come on!” Adam rolled his eyes. “It’s a single feather that can barely be seen in all those tassles. Apart from that, it’s a Paiute feather.”<\/p>\n

Ben’s forefinger shot in Adam’s direction like the head of a snake. “Your youngest brother got in a fight yesterday in Virginia City! It was all over you and this woman! The sheriff had to intervene! He had to accompany Joe out of town to prevent even more fighting!”<\/p>\n

Adam pursed his lips to a soundless whistle, shifting his weight from one leg to the other. Joe had not breathed a word about it.<\/p>\n

“I’ll have to keep Joe out of town for some time,” Ben added with a growl. “I had to send Hoss to fetch the mail today!”<\/p>\n

Adam drew a breath and nodded his head, trying to keep his calm. “It’s not the first time the town is running its mouth over a Cartwright, and not the first time for Joe to get into a fight, either.” He unflinchingly met his father’s glowering look. “People will simmer down as quickly as they flared up and I wouldn’t lose any sleep over a bunch of idiots who cannot tell Morocco from New Mexico.”<\/p>\n

“No, you wouldn’t…” Ben burst out with a great deal of dismay. “It seems you wouldn’t bother caring about anything! Adam, what…” He lost his words, balling his hand to a fist. “Where have you been, anyway?”<\/p>\n

“In the mountains.”<\/p>\n

“In the mountains!” Ben echoed in humourless mockery. “Two days. And two\u00a0nights!<\/em>” He threw his son a challenging look, but Adam did not react. “After prominently walking out of the party in the middle of the night just for everyone to see! Adam, what do you think people made of that?”<\/p>\n

“I don’t know.” Adam’s eyes had narrowed. “And I don’t care! And as for that party, I’d reckon it’s out now what happened between her and Miller. Are you still blaming her? Or me?” His voice had risen considerably in volume and he didn’t give his father a chance to answer. “And don’t remind me that this incident wouldn’t have happened at all if her future father-in-law would’ve just bothered enough to look after her!!”<\/p>\n

“Don’t you raise your voice to me!” Ben hollered back, furiously closing in on his son. “Don’t you…” He broke off as Hop Sing scurried out of the kitchen, carrying a large tray in his hands. His way led the Chinese cook directly through the spot where father and son were standing face to face. Shy to proceed, Hop Sing halted his step.<\/p>\n

“Hop Sing has dinner for little Miss…”<\/p>\n

Ben abruptly turned to the hearth and Adam stepped back, heaving a deep breath. All bristled up, he caught a look of the single flower that Hop Sing had placed between the dishes and it strangely soothed him. Not only had the cook prepared what looked like a fine meal in no time, he also had taken the extra care to get that flower. Adam wished he could see her eyes upon noticing it. Hop Sing hustled by, heading for the staircase.<\/p>\n

“Maybe you’re right…” Ben reluctantly came half around, his brow furrowed. “It shouldn’t have happened. That whole party was a disaster!” He shook his head and regarded his son. “Are you seriously considering marrying her?”<\/p>\n

“Are you seriously asking this question?”<\/p>\n

“It might get you in trouble, son. She’s… colored.”<\/p>\n

“I’m used to trouble,” Adam retorted dryly. “Besides, she ‘s an Arab and not an Indian. That should make for a difference.”<\/p>\n

“Adam…” Ben searched for words. “Are you sure she can adapt to a life on a ranch? She’s… she grew up in a palace!”<\/p>\n

“She grew up on a horse farm.”<\/p>\n

“A horse farm!” Ben gave a dry laugh. “Sure, the sheikh bred horses – pampered Arabian luxury horses with pedigrees dating back at least two centuries! Adam, I know better than you how she grew up! I have her mother’s letters, detailing every year of it!”<\/p>\n

“Yeah, of course!” An exasperated undertone lingered in Adam’s voice. “A most objective source, without a doubt.”<\/p>\n

Ben’s brow darkened, but he fought down his anger. “Did she tell you that she lived in rooms worthy of a princess? That she had her own marbled bathroom? Her own garden, solely reserved for her delight? Her own maid, waiting on her hand and foot? Loads of jewelry, silken robes imported from Egypt and perfumes imported from Baghdad?”<\/p>\n

“Now that’s strange.” Adam drew a breath, trying to not let his father’s words get to him. “The last time you’ve cited those letters the lady complained about her daughter degrading to a savage, riding around with her horse all day long. And Lilyah mentioned repeatedly how her mother used to be so upset about what she considered the Arab lack of civilization, her disdain about living so close to horses and her indignation about her daughter tending to goats.”<\/p>\n

“Adam, you have no right to…”<\/p>\n

“I have\u00a0every right<\/em>\u00a0as long as it concerns my future wife!!” Adam shouted, his eyes flashing. “And you should probably just take a look at her instead of solely relying on the letters of an embittered woman who likely hated the life she was forced to live and wasn’t able to see anything good about!”<\/p>\n

Ben’s face turned into a mask of fury. “Don’t you dare yell at me!”<\/p>\n

Adam opened his mouth, but held his words when Hop Sing hurried down the staircase. The cook pulled in his head and whizzed through the room to disappear into the kitchen.<\/p>\n

“I’m going to marry her, whether you like it or not!” Adam had lowered his voice, but his words still came out sharp and intense. “And if you just can’t bring yourself to accept your future daughter-in-law, you’d better let me know!”<\/p>\n

“Not in that tone, young man, not in…”<\/p>\n

Adam lost his nerve and furiously cut in, “Would you just stop bickering about my tone and listen to what I say!? For once!!”<\/p>\n

Ben seemed to grow out of his clothes, noisily drawing the air through his nose. “Maybe<\/em>\u00a0if you’d just express yourself like the decent and well-mannered young man I brought up, I\u00a0might<\/em>\u00a0be inclined to listen to you!”<\/p>\n

Adam tensed, his eyes narrowed as he looked at his father. “But maybe I’m not inclined to wait for that!”<\/p>\n

Ben’s eyes turned even blacker. Just before he could fire his answer, Hop Sing came out of the kitchen, carrying two buckets with steaming hot water. Unfortunately for him, he bore the brunt of the outburst.<\/p>\n

“Does this HAVE to take place RIGHT NOW?” Ben was so agitated that his words broke out much louder than he wanted.<\/p>\n

Hop Sing put the buckets down, with a most offended face. “Hop Sing has to make bath for little Miss! Just like Mistel Adam told Hop Sing to do! All pots on stove, all full with water, all cooking! Kitchen hot and damp! Hop Sing can’t wait!”<\/p>\n

Grumbling like an old panther, Ben grudgingly gestured in an affirmative manner. “Alright… go ahead!”<\/p>\n

Hop Sing took up the buckets and scurried towards the staircase, muttering under his breath.<\/p>\n

“Adam…” Ben had started pacing up and down, frantically, indignantly, and strangely helpless, waving his arms about him like a windmill. “Adam…” He came to a halt. “Son, you gotta be careful not to let your heart rule your head…” He tried half a laugh. “Never thought I’d be saying this to you one day – you of all my sons!”<\/p>\n

Adam shifted his weight. “There’s nothing wrong with my head and I’ve made up my mind.”<\/p>\n

“Just saying…” Ben seemed to struggle for words. “Ah, take off your gun belt! I’m sure you can use a drink now!”<\/p>\n

Adam almost sighed. Now that the worst steam was blown off, the big sweeping-under-the-carpet was initiated once again. His father – gracious as usual… or whatever one might call it. “As said, there’s a thing I’ll have to look into. Since I’m rather tired, I’d prefer to ride now and get it done.”<\/p>\n

“You’re not riding into town?”<\/p>\n

“No.” And he played along – docile as usual. Forever the good son…<\/p>\n

“Ah…” Ben raised his chin. “Is it alright for a father to ask where you’re going?”<\/p>\n

“I’ll tell you once I’ve found out what I want to know.”<\/p>\n

Not really satisfied, Ben still nodded his head and stepped back as Hop Sing rushed down the staircase and crossed the room on his way to the kitchen. “Oh, and Adam…”<\/p>\n

Adam turned around and saw an almost indulgent smile on his father’s face.<\/p>\n

With a paternal wink, Ben continued, “See to it that this bow and arrow disappears, will you, boy?”<\/p>\n

Adam drew a sharp breath, he felt his neck hairs bristle and nearly choked on his sudden anger. “I’m not going to take away the gifts that she is so happy about, spoiling her joy merely to appease to some gossiping simpletons!”<\/p>\n

Ben pulled back in consternation, his lips forming to a sharp downside bow as his smile faded. “You obviously do not understand the seriousness of the situation!”<\/p>\n

“The only one here who doesn’t understand anything is you!”<\/p>\n

Hop Sing came out of the kitchen, carrying two buckets with more hot water. Feeling the glowers of both men on him, he literally galloped to the staircase.<\/p>\n

“Adam…”<\/p>\n

They both started when the sound of hoofbeats indicated a rider quickly coming into the yard and cantering up to the house. The door flew open before either Ben or Adam could get to it, and Hoss came in with long strides.<\/p>\n

“Hey, Adam! Saw them horses on the pasture, your mare and the grasshopper!” His blue eyes shone in a big, cheerful smile. “When did you come back?”<\/p>\n

“Just a short while ago.” Adam returned his brother’s hearty slap. “Eh, what kind of mess did you get yourself into?” He scanned over Hoss’s shirt which had one sleeve torn and two buttons ripped off. The knuckles of his right hand were scraped open. A rather unsettling thought rose up in him.<\/p>\n

“Aw, think nothing of it!” Hoss brushed it off. “Dang, older brother, so good to have you back here again!”<\/p>\n

“Hoss, what happened?” Ben had also noticed Hoss’s dilapidated shirt and drew closer.<\/p>\n

“Nothing, Pa…”<\/p>\n

“Nothing!” Ben echoed with a trace of sarcasm. “And this ‘nothing’ does not happen to have anything to do with your older brother and the young lady in our house?”<\/p>\n

Hoss made round, innocent eyes. “No… uhm, not exactly…” He squirmed under his father’s glare. “Pa… dadburn, Pa, you know how it is… them no-good-fellers just hang around in them streets lookin’ for trouble, and then they see a big feller like me comin’ along and plum think they can act up… doesn’t mean a thing what reason they pick…”<\/p>\n

Ben’s face darkened in a frown. “And I thought you would be wiser than Joe!”<\/p>\n

Hoss pulled a sorry face and buried his hands in his pockets.<\/p>\n

“And where’s the mail?”<\/p>\n

“Oh, here, Pa!” Hoss hurried to scramble a bunch of crumpled and dirtied letters from his vest, before he cautiously proffered them to his father, with a face that clearly feared an upcoming explosion.<\/p>\n

“Hrmpf!” Ben bestowed his middle son with a glower before he snatched the letters from his hand and turned abruptly to decipher the senders.<\/p>\n

“I’m on my way.” Adam turned to the credenza, not without casually placing his hand on Hoss’s shoulder as he passed him by, giving him a squeeze. For a short moment their eyes met in mute understanding.<\/p>\n

Just as Adam had picked up his hat and approached the door, his father’s voice bellowed up. “Adam!”<\/p>\n

His hat still in his hand, Adam halted his step.<\/p>\n

Ben watched him over with a sharp look. “I would appreciate it if you’d get your hair cut. I don’t want any of my sons running around looking like a riverboat gambler!”<\/p>\n

Adam raised one eyebrow and for a fleeting moment it almost seemed as if the ghost of a rather mirthless smirk stole across the corner of his mouth. “Pa…” His voice was low. “You can send Joe to the barber, but not me!” He nonchalantly put on his hat and left the house, before his father had any time to get his hanging jaw back under control.<\/p>\n

Hoss pulled his head between his shoulders and hastily tiptoed into the kitchen.<\/p>\n

* * *<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

39. By a Hair’s Breadth\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

“Ho!” Torn from his thoughts, Adam’s brow furrowed in annoyed bewilderment as all of a sudden his mare acted up. Tossing her head and shaking her full mane, Mariah pranced sideways in visible unwillingness to follow his lead.<\/p>\n

“What’s the matter with you?” A wave of strange disappointment welled up in him; there was not anything that could have spooked the horse. He had ridden unwilling head tossers for years and it was nothing new to him, but then he had grown so used to Mariah’s calm and unshakable reliability that it caught him completely off guard. It also demonstrated what a huge and powerful horse Mariah really was – her bolting sidesteps almost carried her half across the place in front of the cabin he was heading for.<\/p>\n

“Come on, girl!” Adam resolutely reined her in, his eyes scanning the place around the small cabin that crouched to a large boulder at the side of a crag, shielding itself with a high but decrepitude fence against the trees at its back – or rather against the Ponderosa land that started right behind that fence. There seemed to be no one around, the cabin looked even more neglected than the last time he’d been there. He nudged the mare forward to it, noticing with dismay that Mariah started dancing and chewing on her bit.<\/p>\n

“Having your vapors, eh, lady?” He took a firmer grasp of the reins and rode up to the cabin. “Hey! Anyone around?” He raised his voice. “Hatfield!”<\/p>\n

No one answered his call. Squinting, he scrutinized the surrounding hills, his hand cautiously poised above his holster. The landscape lay in silence, baking in the heat of the late afternoon, merely a weak wind coming from the rocky hills provided some relief.<\/p>\n

Adam dismounted and took a last glance around before he turned to the cabin. He started as Mariah lowly snorted.<\/p>\n

“We gotta talk about that later, girl!” He brushed over her head, noticing her rotating ears. “Now calm down, there’s nothing to worry about.”<\/p>\n

He was on his guard as he approached the cabin, but no one showed up.<\/p>\n

“Hey, Hatfield!” Adam stoutly knocked at the door. “Anyone home?” His knocking caused the door to slightly swing open, apparently not being locked or even closed properly.<\/p>\n

“Hatfield?” Adam lightly kicked the door to fully open it, tensing as he stepped into the frame. The inside consisted of one single floorless room which appeared to be unoccupied, a ragged curtain at the end of it prevented the view to the last corner. Precautionally pulling his gun, Adam swiftly crossed the room to look behind it. There was nothing but a disorderly bedstead. Relaxing again, he put his gun back into the holster and looked around.<\/p>\n

There wasn’t much to look at. A primitive stove with a covered pot on it, a few dishes in a couple of shelves, a small cupboard, an old trunk, a table with a candle, a coffee pot and a cup on it, two chairs. A window barely covered by a thin flowered cloth allowed a decent amount of light in, apparently also a good amount of dust. Adam couldn’t help the impression that this place was abandoned for quite some time; and still, something did not seem to fit.<\/p>\n

His brow wrinkled, he went to the table and lifted the coffee pot, leaving a clean circle in the dust on the table’s surface, indicating that it must have been wiped clean before the pot was placed on it and accumulated its thick layer of dust later on. The pot itself was almost full, and Adam observed the dark matter sticking to the ground of the cup, looking like the coffee in it had slowly evaporated. The candle had burned down completely into its stand. He turned to the stove and lifted the lid from the cooking pot there, screwing his lips upon discovering what looked like the remnants of a stew, half dried out and half molded over. On the cupboard next to it was an empty plate with a spoon, as if still waiting to be filled.<\/p>\n

Adam now began to systematically search the place. The cupboard contained mostly supplies, but also a big box with ammunition made for the Sharps rifle Hatfield had used, along with a smaller box containing age-old ammunition for a revolver that most likely wasn’t even built anymore. The trunk produced merely some clothes and a few blankets. He last turned to the bedstead, covering up the blankets and finally searching the stack of straw beneath them – revealing a simple wooden strongbox close by the wall. Raising one eyebrow, Adam retreated to the table with his find to open it.<\/p>\n

The box didn’t contain all too much – a worn Bible and a handful of coins, mostly half dollars and exactly three nicely polished twenty-dollar gold pieces. Adam opened the bible.\u00a0Jeremiah Isaac Hatfield, born March 5, 1773, married to Caroline Seward, born December 28, 1784… first son, Jeremiah Adalbert Hatfield, born August 2, 1802<\/em>… Adam skipped the rest as his attention was caught by several pieces almost falling out of the Bible. The first was a sheet of parchment, prestigiously adorned with the United States coat of arms. A Certification of Merit, awarded in the American-Mexican War, to Jeremiah A. Hatfield.\u00a0For outstanding bravery and service…<\/em>\u00a0Then there were bills of sales, one for that tiny piece of land so unfortunately squashed between the Ponderosa and the Miller ranch, and another one for a herd of a hundred head of cattle for which he hadn’t had the land to support it. Adam shook his head, almost in regret.<\/p>\n

The last thing was an old daguerreotype, showing a beaming young couple smiling into the camera. Adam had some difficulties recognizing the gruffy, grunting, rather dim-witted Hatfield he knew in that radiating young fellow in the picture, so cheerfully and proudly holding his pretty girl, but there was no doubt it was him. He thoughtfully put the items back into the Bible and closed it, a ruminating line carved in his forehead. What did they know of people, anyway?<\/p>\n

Adam stored everything in the strongbox again, got up and put it back where he had found it. Looking about the place, he tried to figure the man, sitting by his full coffee pot, waiting for his stew to heat up, his stash of ammunition in the cupboard, his sole possessions and his memories in a strongbox hidden under the bedstead. How likely was it that he just walked out and left it all behind?<\/p>\n

Knitting his brow in thought, Adam left the cabin to look around outside.<\/p>\n

Mariah snorted and drew closer to him, stomping her hooves. Adam halted his step and gave her a bewildered look. He didn’t understand his mare anymore. These hills were sensitive to sound and he certainly would have heard it if any rider had approached…<\/p>\n

He hadn’t even finished the thought when the first shot bellowed up.<\/p>\n

Instinctively throwing himself to the ground, Adam knew in an instant that he wouldn’t have the time to retrieve his own rifle, stored in the scabbard at his saddle, and he was reluctant to use his mare as a shield. He didn’t have time to think, anyway, as he had to save himself from a second shot. Chasing the mare away with a loud ‘Raah’ and retreating to the cabin while pulling his gun was a matter of a heartbeat.<\/p>\n

It proved out fast that the cabin did not provide the shelter Adam had hoped for – and the unknown shooter seemed to be well aware of the fact. The rifle bellowed up again and again, and the bullets crashed right through the old wooden boards. The sniper could not be further away than 120 yards at most. Adam toppled the table for additional cover, but it became clear that it wouldn’t hold for long, either. He tried to move the cupboard, but the furniture was so brittle that it noisily broke down at his shove. Gritting his teeth, he realized that he sat in a trap, a dangerous trap, and worst of all was that he couldn’t even see anything outside. His eyes flew to the window. It was small, but he would be able to dive through head first. He remembered the stack of chopped wood next to the cabin, close to an old wagon. It would be better shelter than what he had in the increasingly bullet-ridden cabin, and he might get a chance to make his way behind the cabin and across the fence.<\/p>\n

Crouching behind his faulty cover, he waited for the first break in the rapid staccato of shots, indicating that the sniper finally had to reload what seemed to be a 15-shot Henry repeater. When the break came, he lunged forward, blindly jumping through the window to a hard landing on the dusty ground outside. He felt his shirt’s sleeve ripping open on the stones littering the soil, his hat flying off. And right into his crash landing, another round of shots hit the ground next to him, missing him by mere inches.<\/p>\n

A second sniper!<\/p>\n

Adam was on his feet in the wink of a moment, hastening to get behind the pile of chopped wood, pressing himself as close to the stack as he could. His breathing went harder as he reevaluated his situation. With a second shot at an unfortunate angle, a retreat to the back of the cabin was impossible. Even worse, the second man would just have to move a couple of yards and he would be well able to aim behind the stack.<\/p>\n

Cocking his gun, Adam tried to locate the second man, but was forced to stay in his cover as the first sniper started shooting again. Adam could feel the bullets hitting in the wood, the vibrations of the impact, watched chips and splinters flying about. That guy was either a fanatic or a lunatic or both. Trying to wreak havoc to the weak cabin walls by firing round after round into them was one thing, trying the same with a stack of piled wood another one. He would need all day to blast it to pieces… Adam twisted his lower lip. Trouble was the guy would have all day if he didn’t find a way out of the trap.<\/p>\n

He saw the movement in the hills on his left from the corner of his eye and fired his gun, forcing the second man into cover again. Adam pressed his lips together. He would have to be sparse with firing – his jacket with his ammunition was stored rolled up at the back of his saddle. The second man moved again, and he had to fire again. His second bullet – there were but three left.<\/p>\n

A break in the shooting from front indicated that the madman had to reload again. The second man seemed less fanatical, more intent to move his position than to wildly fire at a stack of wood. Adam suppressed a curse as he had to shoot again to keep him in place. Two bullets left. His eyes darted to the wagon merely a few yards from him. He could make it there – but what then? It would offer even less cover.<\/p>\n

The first sniper had reloaded and promptly started his massive shelling of the wood stack again. Adam squinted his eyes to slits lest a shot off splinter would get into them. Still he saw the stirring of the second sniper and fired to keep him from getting behind his back. One bullet left.<\/p>\n

A wretched whinny caught his ear and he turned his head to spot Mariah. The mare had retreated behind a couple of bushes maybe 50 yards away, but she seemed all riled up. Frantically pacing left and right, not daring to come forward, she even half-reared to get a better sight of him. A wild, desperate hope rose in Adam…<\/p>\n

But no… The thought alone was ridiculous! No normal horse would voluntarily run into a shootout. Adam held his breath. Any normal horse would’ve long been gone…<\/p>\n

He waited until a break in fire told him that the madman had to reload again. He still couldn’t believe that he was seriously contemplating a grasp for such a straw… And yet…<\/p>\n

“Mariah!”<\/p>\n

He could barely trust his eyes as he saw his mare charging forward, with a nicker that sounded almost relieved. His heart skipped a beat. They wouldn’t shoot at a horse… No one ever shot at a horse…<\/p>\n

But they did.<\/p>\n

Adam screamed in anger and rage as he saw Mariah flinching, doing a frantic sidestep, but before he could recognize whether she was hurt or not, her huge body scrambled next to him behind the wood stack that would give her no cover at all. He saw the rupture the bullet had torn in his saddle, but there was no time to lose as the first sniper started shooting again. Adam was in the saddle in a split second, tearing his rifle from its scabbard, firing two rounds to the place where the madman stuck while nudging his mare backwards, causing her to whirl on her haunches to aim at the second man.<\/p>\n

His furious firing all about him forced both snipers into cover and provided a temporary break, but he knew it wouldn’t last. He had no more cover now, and he realized he would never make it past them, no matter how fast his horse could run. His Spencer rifle held only seven rounds. There was but one way out.<\/p>\n

The fence.<\/p>\n

Without thinking, Adam kicked Mariah into gallop and just when the fence grew up in front of him, the sheer insanity of it struck him like an arrow. Even at its lowest point, the fence was well over five feet high, closely nailed shut with boards that prevented seeing what was on the other side. He had never jumped a horse over anything that high, his saddle wasn’t suited for jumping at all, and even if they would be able to somehow get over it, he wouldn’t know on what kind of ground they would land.<\/p>\n

But it was too late to pull back.<\/p>\n

Even without his nudging, Mariah exploded into her enormous speed, storming towards the fence in a thunderous gallop, gaining as much accelaration on the short stretch as she possibly could get.<\/p>\n

Adam closed his eyes when she jumped, pushing herself from the ground with tremendous power, becoming airborne. Her tensed body stretched out so thin under him that the girth lost its hold, causing the saddle to slip. Clutching his rifle, Adam grasped at her neck for support, pulling his feet from the stirrups, trying somehow to get a hold for his legs aside of the slithering saddle. While flying over the fence, Mariah seemed to stretch out even more, pulled up her hind legs, threw forward her front legs, catapulting herself over the barricade with sheer desperate force. Adam felt a hot stinging pain at his shoulder, realizing just then that they were still fired at.<\/p>\n

The impact on the other side was harsh, so violent that he was thrust across her neck, the loose saddle lurching downwards nearly under the mare’s belly. Clasping at her mane to prevent being thrown off, Adam feared for her legs as she seemed to crumble to the ground. But Mariah pulled herself up, wildly racing forward.<\/p>\n

They came to a halt beneath a group of trees on top of a small hill. Adam slipped from her back, immediately looking her over and removing the loose saddle, even before he thought of reloading his rifle. She was unhurt as the bullet had stuck in the saddle, but her dark copper-red coat was soaked in sweat. Adam drew a deep breath. As straining as the enormous jump had been, it wasn’t enough for such a powerful horse to break such a sweat. The poor mare was scared to death, pressing her head against him for comfort, as if she was wishing to crawl into his shirt for protection.<\/p>\n

“Good girl… good girl… my fine good girl…” Adam gently soothed her and swallowed. It had not occurred to him even once that she might have balked at the frightening jump, with bullets flying all around her. She must have been so scared, and yet she had been there for him, as reliable as ever. “Such a good girl…”<\/p>\n

She rubbed her head at him.<\/p>\n

Adam patted her and then proceeded to swiftly reload both his rifle and his gun, his eyes cautiously scanning the area. He didn’t really expect them to come after him – here where he could meet them on equal terms, even having an advantage now in that he would see them approaching. Those kind of guys shunned an open confrontation, they preferred to lie in wait for an unsuspecting victim.<\/p>\n

“You knew it all along, didn’t you?” He brushed over her muzzle, thinking of the wind coming from the hills – most likely carrying the scent the mare had caught up. “They must’ve been there the whole time or else I would’ve heard them coming.”<\/p>\n

Mariah gave him a soft blow. She had visibly relaxed. All was good, now that the terrible noise had stopped and her master was back with her to protect her.<\/p>\n

Adam took the reins and slowly led her around in circles to cool her down, scrutinizing especially her front legs to see if she limped, realizing with relief that her gait was as fine and firm as usual. He still was on his guard, carrying his rifle in his hand, his eyes repeatedly checking for any suspicious movement. His shoulder was hurting, but a quick look told him that it was merely a harmless grazing shot, not even deep enough to damage a muscle. He had been lucky – it had been a darn close call!<\/p>\n

He took all the time it needed to dry Mariah’s coat, knowing that the snipers would be long gone anyway, certainly not waiting for their prey to come back. Finally turning to his saddle, he twisted his lips as he saw the ravage the bullet had done to the exquisitely engraved leather seat, having ripped it open from back to front. But good it was, the wooden saddle tree had held the slug that otherwise would have seriously hurt his mare.<\/p>\n

Mariah stood calm and willing as he saddled her. He fished his remaining ammunition out of his jacket and put it in his pants pockets before he rolled the jacket up again to fasten it to his saddle.<\/p>\n

Then he mounted to ride back to Hatfield’s cabin. He wasn’t done looking the place over. And he had to get his hat back.<\/p>\n

* * *<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam was on his guard as he slowly approached the site again, cutting a wide circle that led him into the hills from where the first sniper had conducted his wild shooting. Keeping his rifle readied, he took his path along spots from where he could have a good view of his surroundings, not running the risk of getting bushwacked again. Mariah followed his slightest lead, as calm and reliable as usual.<\/p>\n

He stumped when the busy buzzing of flies came to his ear, preparing for a ghastly discovery as he followed the sound. The cause for the flies, however, was merely a small heap of obviously rather fresh horse apples. Adam raised an eyebrow and proceeded. He found the sniper’s place close by, the ground was littered with shells – dozens of shells, maybe even a hundred. It truly must have been a fanatic, hell bent to kill him, like someone eaten up by hatred, or just plain mad. Adam wrinkled his forehead, looking about the area. He couldn’t imagine what he had done to earn such enmity.<\/p>\n

Nudging Mariah into a walk, he scanned the ground for tracks, but the hard and rocky terrain would not give anything away. Adam slowly circumvented the cabin in a wide radius until he reached the spot where the second sniper must have stuck. He didn’t find any shells anywhere around, but it didn’t mean much. The second man had been a lot less frenzied, merely shooting when he figured a chance to actually hit. He might have picked up the few shells he had spread. Adam turned the mare around and rode to the cabin.<\/p>\n

He dismounted near the stack of wood, shuddering inside as he looked at the fence. “Great jump, girl…” He affectionately rubbed Mariah’s throat before he went to pick up his hat that lay on the ground close to the window.<\/p>\n

After getting some water from Hatfield’s pump for himself and his horse, Adam began to search the area around the cabin, halfway expecting to find a shallow grave. There was nothing to be found, Hatfield seemed to have just disappeared, leaving not a trace behind.<\/p>\n

But one thing Adam was rather sure about: Jeremiah A. Hatfield had not been the one shooting at him.<\/p>\n

* * *<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

40. Unspoken Words\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

“Hey, Adam…” Hoss looked up from the leatherworks he was doing as his older brother led his mare into the barn. His eyes widened as he noticed the ripped shirt sleeve, and he quickly got up. “Adam… wha’ happened?”<\/p>\n

“Got bushwacked, over at Hatfield’s place.”<\/p>\n

“Hatfield’s? Dadburn, Adam, ev’ryone knows that guy is plum out to get ya!”<\/p>\n

“I don’t think it was him.”<\/p>\n

“Vellicitis and stuff, huh? What…” Hoss broke off and scanned the ruptured saddle seat. It was plain clear that his brother couldn’t have sat on his horse when this shot had been fired. “Shucks, Adam… how did that happen?”<\/p>\n

“She ran through the fire when I called her,” Adam replied, his hand running over Mariah’s mane. “I don’t think I would’ve made it out of there without her…\u00a0ouch!<\/em>” He flinched as his brother was probing on his hurt shoulder.<\/p>\n

“Don’t ya worry none, older brother, good thing it’s merely a scratch…”<\/p>\n

“Eh…” Adam couldn’t help a wry grin. Hoss sounded as if he was more trying to console himself than his brother. “I already realized that before you poked your big finger into it!”<\/p>\n

Hoss pursed his lips, relieved and with a tad of amusement in spite of all his worries. Adam certainly hadn’t lost his charms in the incident. “C’mon, let me help ya with that saddle, and you tell me what happened! She ran thru’ the fire??”<\/p>\n

Adam gave his brother a short account of what had happened while they unsaddled the mare and provided her with a quick grooming.<\/p>\n

“Dadburnit!” Hoss gratefully rubbed Mariah’s neck. “Adam, how did anyone know you were riding up there, anyway? I mean, you’re just done comin’ back today? You didn’t tell anyone, did ya?”<\/p>\n

“No…” Adam squinted his eyes, his tensely moving lower lip revealed his scouring thoughts. “Come on, girl.” He took hold of Mariah’s halter and led her out of the barn for the pasture.<\/p>\n

“Hoss…” He turned his head to his brother as they lounged at the fence with their arms rested upon the wooden bar, watching the mare cantering off to meet the black stallion. “Those fights in town you and Joe got into… How bad is it?”<\/p>\n

“You reckon that might have something to do with it?”<\/p>\n

“Do you?”<\/p>\n

Hoss knitted his brow, thinking. “Nope…” He shook his head. “No, I ain’t thinkin’ that. Dang, Adam, them fellers were just the usual dumb’uns running their mouths, not much to worry about if you ask me. Them might be shootin’ their snouts at you, as well, once you show up in town, and might get you as far as to flatten their sorry faces, but they wouldn’t be sneakin’ out there to ambush you. Reckon they’ll forget the big scandal as soon as the next novelty shows up at the horizon, anyways.”<\/p>\n

Adam nodded his head. He hadn’t seriously thought of that possibility. It was just good to hear that the gossip in Virginia City wasn’t quite the public uprising that their father had made it out to be.<\/p>\n

“And how would they’ve known you’re back, goin’ for the Hatfield place to boot?” Hoss asked.<\/p>\n

“That’s the point.” Adam straightened himself out. “Hey, Hoss – would you go to my room, very discretely, and get me a new shirt while I clean up in the kitchen? I don’t want Lilyah to know about this, it would upset her too much and only make her worry.”<\/p>\n

“Sure thing, older brother. I’ll go about it real easy like!”<\/p>\n

They turned to the house when a ruckus sounded up behind them. The black Arabian was playing the wild one again, amusing himself by rounding up the other horses on the pasture just to chase them all over the place. Only Adam’s chestnut mare remained completely undisturbed and calmly went to grazing while all others had to run.<\/p>\n

“That’s one mighty fine horse you’ve got there!” Hoss didn’t even want to think about what might have happened to his brother without this mare’s faith and loyalty. “Hey, Adam – how come she never spooks from that stallion? All of them other horses get all jittery when they see that bouncin’ grasshopper skippin’ about like that!”<\/p>\n

Adam smiled and glanced at his mare. “Because she’s a very, very clever girl!”<\/p>\n

* * *<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

As cautiously as Hoss went about fetching Adam’s shirt, he could not prevent Lilyah hearing the door of Adam’s room. Hopeful, she came out on the hallway and politely overplayed her disappointment upon seeing Hoss.<\/p>\n

“Oh, Hoss… hello!”<\/p>\n

“Howdy, Lilyah!” Hoss hastiliy hid the black shirt behind his back. The first thing Adam had stressed upon meeting their father downstairs was that he did\u00a0not<\/em>\u00a0want his fianc\u00e9e to be upset about anything.<\/p>\n

“Is that one of Adam’s shirts?” Her eyes lit up. “He’s back?”<\/p>\n

“No… I mean, yes… err, no… not yet…” Hoss frantically searched for words. “He’ll be back later!” He nodded his head and tried an innocent smile. “It’s one of my shirts!”<\/p>\n

She crinkled her brow, trying to sneak a look behind him. Hoss simpered and turned his back to the wall, still hiding the shirt.<\/p>\n

“That’s a lovely dress you wear!” His smile baked on his face. “Really lovely… and lovely colors, too… is that an Arab dress?”<\/p>\n

“Hoss! Is anything wrong? Is there anything with Adam?”<\/p>\n

“Noo!” Hoss seemed to shrink in front of the small woman, still smiling for all it was worth. “Nothin’s wrong… Adam’s alright! Really… he’s not hurt or somethin’… I mean, not really…” He broke off as Lilyah wrapped her robes and hastened for the staircase.<\/p>\n

His forged smile dropped from his face. “Dadburnit…”<\/p>\n

* * *<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

“Adam?” Lilyah stopped at the settee, looking around. “Adam?”<\/p>\n

“Mistel Adam is in kitchen, Missy!” Hop Sing came out of his refugium, carrying a stack of plates indicating that he was about to lay the table already adorned with its tablecloth.<\/p>\n

“Thank you…”<\/p>\n

Lilyah hurried past the table and into the kitchen, while Hop Sing’s forehead grew deep lines. As much as he liked the little Miss, her presence in his kitchen stirred an uncomfortable sensation in him. It was bad enough that Mister Ben and Mister Adam were about to start another row in his very own sanctuary. As if the big house wouldn’t have space enough for that to take place elsewhere.<\/p>\n

“Adam!” Lilyah did not look left or right as she flew towards him, at once spotting the bloodied blemish on his shoulder. “Adam, what happened to you?” Her small hands probed over his bare upper body, not daring to touch the small wound. “You’re hurt!”<\/p>\n

“It’s just a scratch…” Adam’s face softened from apparent tension. Her eyes were large with pain and dread, as if he was most seriously wounded. His heart warmed at her touch while a part of him was pondering Hoss’s various talents. Softly brushing over her face, he added, “There’s really nothing to worry about. It’s not even bleeding anymore.”<\/p>\n

Ben Cartwright audibly cleared his throat and Lilyah stiffened. She hadn’t noticed his presence. Her cheeks blushing to a deep crimson, she withdrew her hands and took a step back, trying to recollect her composure.<\/p>\n

“Miss Lilyah…” Ben gave her a polite smile, not revealing that the unmitigated familiarity between the couple left him with an unsettling feeling. How far had Adam gone? They had spent nights out in the wild. “I certainly hope you’ll be with us for dinner tonight.”<\/p>\n

“I’d like to, Mister Cartwright.”<\/p>\n

“Adam, your shirt…” Hoss came into the kitchen.<\/p>\n

“Thank you\u00a0very<\/em>\u00a0much, brother.” Adam took his shirt and proceeded to put it on, while Hoss donned a guileless smile, trying to ascertain what sort of undertone it was exactly that had lingered in Adam’s voice.<\/p>\n

“You’re sure you shouldn’t bandage that… err… uhm…\u00a0little accident<\/em>?”<\/p>\n

“In that heat?” Adam started buttoning up his shirt and took a step back as Hop Sing trampled into the kitchen, all up in arms.<\/p>\n

“Big Mistel Hoss is in Hop Sing’s way! Evlybody is in Hop Sing’s way! Kitchen clowded like spling dance! Hop Sing can’t cook with evlybody in way!” With his protest transitioning into Chinese, the cook wriggled his way to his stove, throwing his arms around, lifting the lids from his cooking pots just to slam them back on with much noise. “Hop Sing can’t move! Hop Sing can’t cook! Hop Sing quit!” Continuing in Chinese again, he started rattling with the silverware.<\/p>\n

“Oh, no, Hop Sing, we’ll be gone in no time!” Hoss started ushering everybody to the dining room.<\/p>\n

Ben turned to the door leading onto the yard. “I’ll see if Joe found someone to ride to Virginia City to inform the sheriff!” He raised his head and regarded his eldest son. “He might not make it here today, but he’ll sure make it tomorrow!”<\/p>\n

Adam did not reply, tucking the tails of his shirt in his pants while Hoss shoved him out of the kitchen.<\/p>\n

“Adam, what happened to you?” Lilyah glided beside him as he sat down on the settee, her eyes still filled with anxiety and worry. “You’ve been shot at?”<\/p>\n

“Ah, no, don’t you fret about it.” He tipped her nose with a finger. “It was nothing serious…” From the corner of his eye he saw Hoss opening his mouth and shot him an admonishing look. “That’s a lovely dress you wear…” His finger playfully followed a golden seam on the rose-colored garment. “This color suits you so beautifully.”<\/p>\n

For the first time his compliment failed to produce a flattered smile. Two little steep lines appeared above her nose. Besides, she had well noticed his look at Hoss. “Adam, I\u00a0can<\/em>\u00a0deal with unpleasant things, and very well so! And with shootings and troubles, and dangers!”<\/p>\n

A mild smile stole over Adam’s lips as he raised an eyebrow. Given her horror-stricken face upon seeing his harmless little scratch he wouldn’t really want to know how she would react at the sight of anything real serious. “I have no doubt about that,” he said, his tone teasing.<\/p>\n

She looked in his hazel eyes and saw the good-natured sparks lingering in between the brown rays. Almost against her will, her stance mellowed, and when she saw his dimples growing deeper, the steep lines above her nose disappeared. If he could be joshing with her like this, then maybe there really wasn’t anything all too serious to worry about. He might have solved the matter already, or at least saw no more danger for himself. She pushed back the unsettling thought that there still was the possibility that he just didn’t think he could share anything serious with her, forcing it to the back of her mind with all her willpower, trying to ignore the uncomfortable feeling that he was hiding something.<\/p>\n

She half raised her hand, as if to motion him to put her doubts at ease, when the door opened and Ben Cartwright came in, Little Joe in tow.<\/p>\n

“Bill Morley is on his way into town!” Ben well noticed how Lilyah retracted her hand again.<\/p>\n

Adam merely nodded his head and rose to his feet as Hop Sing had begun to serve up. Lilyah almost flinched at the loud sound from Hoss clapping his big hands together.<\/p>\n

“Aw, Hop Sing, that smells good!” Hoss went for the dinner table as if he hadn’t gotten anything to eat for days. Little Joe was in an equal hurry to get to his seat; Adam on the other hand took his time to gallantly walk Lilyah to the table and proffer her the chair before he took his seat at the top end, opposite his father. Lilyah was glad that she was seated close to him across the edge and cast a grateful look at Hop Sing who had arranged the dishes like this.<\/p>\n

“This meal looks wonderful, Hop Sing!”<\/p>\n

“Thank you, Missy!” Hop Sing beamed and disappeared into his kitchen.<\/p>\n

For awhile the dinner went silent, everybody hanging about their own thoughts until Ben burst out. “If it wasn’t Hatfield, who then? Who would have a reason to shoot at you?”<\/p>\n

Adam looked up, his brow furrowed in anger. He had made it plain clear that he didn’t want Lilyah to know anything about the ambush, that he didn’t want her to worry about it. “As none of us has a clue anyhow, we may as well postpone this discussion until Roy is here!” From the corner of his eye he saw that Lilyah had stopped eating and his brow furrowed even further. But there also was another feeling lurking deep inside of him, almost bordering on guilt. Wouldn’t she be so glad to hear about Mariah’s bravery, so proud to hear that the horse she had picked for him and helped him training was such an asset, saving his life in a moment of greatest danger? But how could he tell her without causing her to worry and fear for him? He looked at her dear small face, saw how much his father’s words had distressed her, and he felt confirmed in his decision to not tell her anything. Not now – he would tell her about Mariah later, once the matter was solved for good.<\/p>\n

“Lil, try the carrots,” he said softly. “They’re delicious…”<\/p>\n

“They really are!” Hoss confirmed and helped himself to a second portion. “Especially with that fine sauce on them!”<\/p>\n

Little Joe promptly chimed in, munching through a mouthful, “The roastbeef is even better! Hop Sing has outdone himself with it!”<\/p>\n

Lilyah disconcertedly nodded her head and continued eating, but her appetite was gone. Her naive hope that there would be no more danger for Adam was exposed as just that: naive. She well remembered the first ambush, the orchestrator of which was neither known nor found. And who was still out there. Who would ever want to harm Adam? Feeling the thoughtful look of the silver-haired man wandering from her to Adam and back again, she forced her face into an inexpressive mask, trying to not reveal any emotion. If Adam wanted it this way, she would oblige. At least in front of others. Mechanically taking another bite, she wished they had never left Grumpy’s place in the woods.<\/p>\n

Ben cast a last look on his oldest son and concentrated on his meal again, having fought down the urge to confront Adam on his rather disrespectful tone. They’d had too much of that already and it seemed so petty right now. On one hand, he could understand Adam’s wish to leave the young woman out of it and not cause her any worry. On the other, something in it didn’t sit well with him, even though he could not put a finger on it. Maybe it was just that he had his own chest full and was kept from venting his own anger and worries. For heaven’s sake, his boy had been shot at! Sitting around idly didn’t help his mood, either, even though he agreed with Adam that it wouldn’t make any sense to wildly rush out into the beginning darkness.<\/p>\n

“Dinnel good?” Hop Sing’s more demanding than inquiring question tore him out of his thoughts.<\/p>\n

“Oh, yes… yes, of course…” Ben saw that the cook was about to serve the coffee. “Hop Sing, I think we’ll have coffee by the hearth.”<\/p>\n

“Vely well, Mistel Cartwight!”<\/p>\n

Ben watched Adam tenderly taking Miss Lilyah’s arm to accompany her to the settee. His brow rose before he could prevent it as he scanned over her elaborate head jewelry, with its long golden trinkets dangling in between the folds of the translucent silken backveil. The veil barely covered her long curls that reached down almost to her hips and most likely had no other purpose but to show off its effulgence. She looked like a mirage, like she wasn’t part of the real world. At least no Apache woman would ever walk about like this…<\/p>\n

But in all fairness, Ben had to concede that Adam greatly encouraged her in keeping her Oriental attire. As smitten as he obviously was with her exotic looks, the young woman could not really be blamed to wear what produced the biggest shine in her adorer’s eyes. And neither of them seemed to be bothered much about the utter inappropriateness of such costume. The young lady probably didn’t know any better – but Adam?<\/p>\n

Ben sat down in his red armchair and reached for his pipe and tobacco. Adam acted like he lived on a cloud – and he seemed wildly determined to keep every trace of reality out of that cloud, including the ambush, including his duties and his normal life, no matter the cost. It was so unlike his normally so level-headed son, so far from his usual firm pragmatism that never, ever, would indulge in any irrational flights of fancy.<\/p>\n

Never?<\/p>\n

Ben thoughtfully stuffed his pipe. His mind wandered back in the past, about five years ago, when his level-headed eldest had dropped everything on the spot to travel along with a wagon train of Quakers, having fallen head over heels for one of the young Quaker women. Regina… Regina Darrien. It had been a short, but painful experience, and Adam, quite a ladies’ man before who wouldn’t shy away from a good chance to sneak a kiss or fight a duel for a saloon girl’s honor, all without seriously getting involved romantically, had lost a great part of his former easiness.<\/p>\n

And then, only months later, there had been that mysterious incident in the wilderness. Ruth… Ben couldn’t remember her last name. There had been a while where he even had doubted the girl ever existed, given Adam’s feverish condition and the rather bizarre picture his scarce account of the whole thing had mediated. But he had fallen hard again, he had been heart-broken, shattered, and he hadn’t been the same afterwards. From that time on, he had kept his heart closely and securely under lock and key. The peddler Kaufman’s daughter had stirred his interest for a time, but he had politely retreated as soon as he had figured out the obstacle of a different religion looming again – the same obstacle that had destroyed his relationship with the Quaker woman. Wisely, he had not been willing to suffer the same wound again.<\/p>\n

He finally had courted Laura Dayton – as gallantly as detached. Ben knew that Adam had never loved her the way he had loved Regina or Ruth, and it had disturbed him at a time. But he had realized that Adam had chosen his best option, rationally and pragmatically, adding a family of his own to his life at a time when he saw fit for it. A perfect family of his own; a lovely, beautiful young widow with an equally endearing child that had captured the part of his heart he was willing to share. He had begun to build a house for them, merely a 15 minute ride from the ranch, he had his future on the Ponderosa neatly planned out. Unfortunately, Laura had left Adam to marry his cousin instead, and while Ben had been quite sad about the break-up, he had been greatly relieved to see how easy his son had taken the loss, the best proof of how wise it had been on his part to keep his heart to himself. Ben had always hoped that there would be another Laura one day, as beautiful and as suitable, who would perfectly fit into Adam’s life and give him his own family to make it complete.<\/p>\n

Instead… Ben’s brow furrowed as he slowly breathed out another cloud of smoke, watching it welling up, wavering ever so calmly in the air. She wasn’t another Laura. In a sense, she was worse than Regina and Ruth put together, and Adam had fallen harder than ever before. What would it do to his boy if this broke up? And what would it do to him if it didn’t, and he instead had to realize that his life was falling apart? His well-planned future, his life’s hard work? He could not possibly run off to the wilderness time and again to ignore and dodge everything forever…<\/p>\n

Joe’s laughter trickled into his ear and for a moment he felt anger – as if it was grossly inappropriate for his youngest to laugh when Adam’s wellbeing was in danger, even his life when thinking of the latest ambush. But then he stopped himself in his tracks. Of course his brothers played along, just as Adam wanted them to. In spite of all their joshing, Hoss and Joe had always looked up to their oldest brother, never really put his decisions in any question, always firmly relying that Adam would be well able to sort everything out, the one way or the other. But Ben knew better. As a father, he knew too well what it did to his boy if his calm facade broke down.<\/p>\n

Taking another puff, Ben watched his two younger sons sitting over the checker board, trying their best to let the young lady in on the rules, tricks and secrets of the game. She didn’t seem overly interested, but politely paid attention. Her serene features were hard to read, but Ben couldn’t help the impression that she wished herself away. Adam sat beside her, his fingers thoughtlessly playing with a fringe of one of her manifold drapings, seemingly without her noticing. It was a manner that Ben had observed before, disturbingly intimate in its self-forgotten confidentiality. But Adam’s face appeared brooding, with a trace of his typical stubbornness about it that strangely seemed to be directed at himself. Like he was blaming himself for something and yet determined to go ahead with it, anyway. Ben would have given a fortune to sneak a look at Adam’s thoughts, but the withdrawn expression didn’t give much away. Watching the smoke of his pipe drifting towards the large hearth, Ben sighed inwardly. When had he lost his ability to read his eldest son’s face? It must have been awhile…<\/p>\n

The checker game obviously had reached a point at which Hoss and Little Joe were fully concentrated on outplaying each other and not so much on the young lady anymore. Ben saw her eyes wandering about the ceiling. He cleared his throat. She still was a guest in his house.<\/p>\n

“Did Adam tell you that he had designed this house?”<\/p>\n

It took a moment until she noticed that she was addressed. Adam looked up, almost as if alerted.<\/p>\n

“Yes, Mister Cartwright.”<\/p>\n

Ben nodded his head, puffing his pipe. “It’s a large house, but I wanted it this big for my sons! For one day they will take over the Ponderosa and live here with their families. Maybe one of the boys will build his own house nearby, there sure is place enough around, but this house was always meant to be big enough for many children.”<\/p>\n

“Certainly, Mister Cartwright.”<\/p>\n

He nearly sighed. It wasn’t exactly easy to get into a conversation with this woman. He saw the watchful look in Adam’s eyes and went on, “You don’t need to worry about Adam. He certainly can handle things!” Forcing himself to a reassuring smile, he continued, “In fact, we rely on him very much here on the Ponderosa. He runs half the business almost by himself, we actually missed him the last few days…” He omitted to add ‘…and weeks<\/em>‘.<\/p>\n

She merely nodded her head and Ben felt like he was sitting in front of a dark, sombre sphinx. What a difference to her mother! Valerie had used to sparkle with charming conversation, delighting and enchanting everyone about with her tinkling laughter, always the radiating center of everyone’s attention. She had been so much like Marie – or maybe Marie had been so much like her.<\/p>\n

“It’s a lot of hard work to run a ranch as large as this,” Ben finally took the word again. “And at times, life can get a little rough out here. But me and my boys, we’re used to it. We never wanted anything else…” He paused, taking another puff from his pipe. Maybe he should add something now, something like ‘…this house could use a woman’s touch’ or anything alike, but he couldn’t get the words out. Her serious, near black eyes showed no reaction, no anticipation, as if she knew that she wouldn’t hear such words from him. The cloud of smoke he had exhaled wavered between them, ever so languidly, slowly rolling around itself, its fringes thinning out and fading away. From the corner of his eye he saw Hoss and Joe exchanging a look.<\/p>\n

“I think Lilyah is tired!” Adam had placed his hand protectively on her shoulder; the gaze he gave his father was almost exasperated. “We had a hard and long ride from the mountains today!”<\/p>\n

“Certainly, certainly…” Ben concentrated on his pipe again.<\/p>\n

* * *<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

“Adam!” Lilyah turned around to him as they reached the door of her room, her hand wandering up his arm, cautiously avoiding to touch the spot on his shoulder where he was wounded. “Adam, what happened to you? Who did this to you? It’s a shot wound, isn’t it?”<\/p>\n

“Lil, I told you not to worry!” He tried his best to give his voice a calm and relaxed tone.<\/p>\n

“How should I not worry if someone is out there shooting at you? You could’ve been\u00a0killed!<\/em>” She shuddered at the mere thought of it.<\/p>\n

“Come on, don’t make it worse than it is!” He took her face in both hands. “It was a little incident and there’s no reason for you to fret and trouble yourself.” He softly kissed her forehead, his thumbs gently caressing her brow. “Now would you get those worrying lines from your lovely little face and give me one of your sweet smiles?”<\/p>\n

Her eyes seemed to grow larger as she imploringly looked into his. “Adam, I’m not a child!”<\/p>\n

“Of course not.” He chuckled and drew her closer to him. “I sure wouldn’t kiss a child like this…”<\/p>\n

She gasped as he covered her mouth with his, kissing her so passionately that it took her breath away. His arms closed in around her, his hands seemed to be everywhere, pressing her closer and closer to his chest, so strong, so secure, so confident. She couldn’t but respond to his kiss, cling to him with all her love, giving in to let her overwhelming emotions run free. If only he would be safe… if only he would be as safe as his strength seemed to suggest… she shivered when his lips found their way to her ear.<\/p>\n

“I’ll be cold tonight without you near to me…” he murmured, kissing her ear lobe.<\/p>\n

A soft blush passed her cheeks as she tenderly caressed the little curls in his neck. If only he would be safe…<\/p>\n

For one moment their eyes met and they kissed again, much softer and more gentle now. Her hand brushed over his cheek, softly petting his sideburns, until his lips gingerly touched her nose. She met the look of his eyes, so tenderly and lovingly resting upon her.<\/p>\n

“Adam…”<\/p>\n

“Hush…” He playfully ran his finger over her lips. “You’ve heard what my father said…” Imitating his father’s voice and expression, he added, “I certainly can handle things!”<\/p>\n

A small smile stole over her lips, but inside her worries wouldn’t ease. “You\u00a0do<\/em>\u00a0take care of yourself…”<\/p>\n

He smiled. “I sure do.”<\/p>\n

They softly kissed each other good night, and then he was gone and she was alone. With a sigh, she sat down on the bed and looked around in the room which suddenly appeared so empty and cold. And somewhere deep inside of her, she felt fear.<\/p>\n

* * *<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

41. The Hidden Beneath\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

“Ben! I honestly don’t know what I should do… Oh, thanks, Hop Sing.” Roy Coffee took the coffee cup the cook handed to him.<\/p>\n

“But you sure must do\u00a0something!<\/em>” Ben thrust his hands to his hips, his eyes glowering at his old friend. “My boy has been shot at!”<\/p>\n

“And what should this ‘something’ be, if I may ask?”<\/p>\n

Ben made an impatient move with his hand. “Well, are you the sheriff or not? Get a posse together! Get\u00a0something<\/em>\u00a0going!”<\/p>\n

Roy sighed and sat down on the settee with his coffee, much to Ben’s chagrin who would have vastly preferred to see the sheriff jump on his horse and rush off to do… well,\u00a0something<\/em>. Snarling, he began pacing up and down, looking daggers all about him.<\/p>\n

“Ben…” Roy’s voice had an almost soothing tone to it. “Adam’s right, it don’t make no sense to ride out there and search that rocky terrain for tracks. Adam’s looked around already and when he tells me there’s nothing to be found, I’ll take his word for it!”<\/p>\n

“He probably didn’t look too well,” Ben retorted. “He sure must’ve been excited, after all! He might have overlooked something!”<\/p>\n

Roy shook his head and sighed again. “Now come on, how likely would that be?”<\/p>\n

Ben heaved a deep breath. “Well… it\u00a0might<\/em>\u00a0be possible.” He looked to his oldest who stood leaning against the rail of the staircase, his arms folded across his chest. This demonstrative insouciance bristled Ben. As if this wasn’t all about him!<\/p>\n

Adam merely raised an eyebrow and remained silent. His thoughts were not quite with his family and the sheriff in the great room, anyhow. Lilyah… She had obliged when he had sent her to look for the horses after the sheriff had arrived the minute they had finished breakfast. But there had been something in her eyes that he couldn’t get out of his mind, something, and he couldn’t quite make out what it was. It had been almost… sad, as if an expectation she’d harbored had been disappointed. Adam knitted his brow and searched his mind for any possibilities. They had missed their early morning ride before breakfast, the one thing she had been looking forward to when they had left the mountains. He regretted it himself, but he wouldn’t have felt comfortable taking her on a ride when there was a risk of getting ambushed again, putting her in danger. Of course he couldn’t have told her that. Adam pressed his lips together. He would make up for it… He thought of the drawings and sketches he had worked on all night and his face softened, with a warm smile showing in his eyes. These drawings were the plans for their future…<\/p>\n

He started when he heard his father hollering\u00a0“What was that again?”<\/em>, and it took him a second to realize that for a change, it wasn’t directed at him.<\/p>\n

“Just thought it’s not very likely for Adam to overlook anything…” Joe mumbled from his seat on the stones in front of the hearth.<\/p>\n

“Not really…” Hoss agreed, his chin resting on his hand.<\/p>\n

Ben pushed the air through his nose, his face still darkened. “Well, Hoss and I will ride over to that place anyhow and have a look for ourselves! And then we’ll check the range for Hatfield’s cattle!” He turned to Hoss. “You’ve saddled the horses?”<\/p>\n

“Sure, Pa.”<\/p>\n

“Good!” Ben turned around to his eldest. “And you don’t leave the house!”<\/p>\n

Adam cleared his throat. “Actually, I’m planning to ride to Carson City and pop in at Granville’s… best saddlery in the Territory.”<\/p>\n

“Hey, you can come with me!” Joe quickly threw in before their father could explode. “I’m going to Carson to fetch the new tools!”<\/p>\n

“Yeah, that!” Hoss hastened to add. “And since you’ll be takin’ the buckboard, you can take that saddle of yours right with ya!”<\/p>\n

“Sounds good enough!” A wry smile stole over Adam’s lips, seeing that his brothers had successfully grounded their father’s protest.<\/p>\n

“Alright…” Ben looked from one to another until his gaze fell on the sheriff. “I’ll take it that you’ll\u00a0at least<\/em>\u00a0put out a warrant for Hatfield!” He straightened out to his full height, as if to nip any objections right in the bud. “He might not have been one of the snipers, but I have it in my gut that he’s the key to all this!”<\/p>\n

“I’ll telegraph every sheriff’s office in the Territory to look out for him!” Roy downed his last sip and got up. “But in all honesty, I don’t think we’ll ever hear anything of Hatfield again. A man doesn’t leave his house like that!”<\/p>\n

“You probably should have a look at Billy Buckley,” Joe made himself heard. “He truly hates Adam, ever since Cass’s daughter dropped him and left for St. Louis.”<\/p>\n

“Little Joe, that was three years ago.” Roy didn’t seem convinced.<\/p>\n

“Some folks just need a bit longer to get going,” Joe replied. “And Adam smacked him a good one just last week! He still has his jaw swollen.”<\/p>\n

Roy weighed his head. “I’ll talk to him.”<\/p>\n

“I can’t believe Billy’s got something to do with it. How should he’ve gotten out there, right at the time when Adam showed up? Beside, Will Cass is an old friend of the family.” Ben shook his head. “But we better look in all directions. And have a look at any strangers in town, Roy, especially when they’re good with a gun!”<\/p>\n

“I’ll keep my eyes open,” Roy promised and grinned as Ben started to usher him to the door. “Ben, if I didn’t know any better, I’d just think you want to get rid of me!”<\/p>\n

“I just want you to get going!” Ben returned the grin. “Joe, you’ve harnessed the team?”<\/p>\n

“Uhm, no, Pa…” Joe jumped to his feet. “Adam and I are just getting to it… Hey!” He bolted as he saw Adam turning to walk up the staircase. “Where’re you going?”<\/p>\n

“Need some papers.”<\/p>\n

“For the saddlery?”<\/p>\n

“I got some business in Carson.”<\/p>\n

Ben grumbled under his breath. “You and your businesses!” Poking a warning forefinger at his eldest, he raised his voice. “Don’t you go anywhere alone, you hear me?”<\/p>\n

Adam drew a breath, but before he could answer, the sheriff chimed in, “Adam, you really better watch your steps for awhile!”<\/p>\n

“Sure thing.” Adam nodded his head and went upstairs.<\/p>\n

* * *<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben’s mood dropped when they stepped out of the house and the first thing he saw was the black Arabian roaming loose in the yard. Of course, once again the horse wore neither a halter nor a rope, and his mistress was nowhere around.<\/p>\n

“Where’s Miss Lilyah?”<\/p>\n

“I can see her, Pa!” Joe jumped up and down to get a look across the bushes lining the pasture next to the house. “She’s out in the pasture with Adam’s horse.”<\/p>\n

“Go get her and…”<\/p>\n

“No, wait!” Sheriff Coffee grabbed his arm. “Look what he’s doing!”<\/p>\n

Ben looked. Hoss and Joe both bowed forward for better sight. The stallion had closed in on the three horses that were tied to the post next to the kitchen wing, obviously fiddling with the tied up reins, standing opposite the three others. Ben’s buckskin and Hoss’s Chubb both seemed a bit unsettled, having had the rather unpleasant experience of sharing pasture with the stallion before. Roy Coffee’s bay cluelessly rotated his ears, not understanding what distressed his equine companions, but being on his guard nonetheless. The black Arabian, however, seemed very peaceful and just nibbled on the reins of the buckskin that were slung around the post.<\/p>\n

“That’s amazing!” Roy couldn’t keep an eye off the stallion. “He’s untethering the horses!”<\/p>\n

“He’s ruining the reins!” Ben was about to step in, but Roy held him back.<\/p>\n

“No, just look! He’s\u00a0untethering<\/em>\u00a0them, as neatly as it could get!”<\/p>\n

“Pa, he’s right!” Hoss made round, wondering eyes. “Look, he’s opening the knots!”<\/p>\n

“Wow…” Joe mouthed. “He’s clever…”<\/p>\n

The four men took a collective step forward to have a better view, but stopped dead in their tracks as the stallion threw up his head and glared at them.<\/p>\n

“Stop…” Roy held everybody back. “Don’t spook him…”<\/p>\n

The Arabian snorted and continued his nibbling. Ben incredulously wrinkled his brow as he saw that the stallion indeed managed to unwind the reins of his horse until they hung loose. Satisfied with his work, Chai proceeded to the next horse, Hoss’s Chubb, to nibble on his reins, using his amazingly movable lips to loosen the knot enough so he could pull the slung over end out.<\/p>\n

“I’ve never seen anything like this before…” Ben admitted, reluctantly but truly impressed.<\/p>\n

“Me neither, Pa.” Hoss stretched his head for better sight. “Doggonit, that grasshopper sure is the smartest horse I’ve ever seen!”<\/p>\n

Joe just nodded his head, as impressed as anybody else.<\/p>\n

“I’d bet he’ll untie my horse next!” The sheriff was completely enraptured.<\/p>\n

Chai took another look at the four men who were so captivated in watching him, and indeed moved on to the sheriff’s horse after Chubb’s reins had fallen.<\/p>\n

“Oh, oh, oh…” Roy was so excited. “I just could bet he will bring us our horses when he’s done!”<\/p>\n

The four were so absorbed with watching that they didn’t notice Adam coming out of the house.<\/p>\n

“Where’s Lil…”<\/p>\n

“Pssst!”<\/em>\u00a0Joe and Hoss hissed in unison, Hoss vaguely pointing to the pasture without turning his gaze from the post. Even Ben gestured to his eldest to keep quiet. “Don’t disturb him!”<\/p>\n

Adam knitted his brow as he watched Chai untethering the sheriff’s horse, then he regarded the four men so deeply enthralled in the stallion’s performance, clinging to each other in their collective fascination. He casually crossed his arms, one corner of his mouth started twitching.<\/p>\n

The bay’s reins fell and Chai proudly raised his head to glance at his audience, as if he were waiting for due applause.<\/p>\n

“Fine, fiiine!” Roy cooed in his sweetest voice. “Now you’ll bring us our horses, won’t you?”<\/p>\n

Chai snorted and tossed his head before he danced around the post to be on the same side as the three other horses.<\/p>\n

“Oh!” Roy was all smiles, his moustache jiggling with delight. “He’ll bring me my horse first!”<\/p>\n

All four of them jumped in shock when, without warning, the stallion bolted and reared up, neighing loud and shrill, snapping all around him, bucking and bumping against the sheriff’s horse which in turn bumped into Chubb who bumped into the buckskin. Three terrified horses spooked and raced out of the yard, the black Arabian in furious pursuit.<\/p>\n

Four jaws were hanging on the floor.<\/p>\n

Chai only ran up to the corner of the barn, before he jubilantly leaped back to the middle of the yard, rearing up with a triumphant whinny, tossing his head so that his long mane flew. It looked and sounded like he was shaking with snickering mischief.<\/p>\n

Adam burst out laughing, unperturbed by the miffed looks of four pairs of eyes. Grinning all over his face, he walked up to the yard and squinted at the distant mountains, taking a deep, relaxed breath. “That’s what I appreciate in the morning! Fresh air, fine weather, and a good, hearty belly laugh!”<\/p>\n

From the distance, he heard Lilyah calling the stallion. Chai promptly pricked his ears and hurried to run to his mistress. Smiling to himself, Adam followed, four glowering stares stabbing in his back.<\/p>\n

“Hey!” Ben’s growling voice stopped him. “Don’t you think you should get our horses back?”<\/p>\n

“Alone?” Adam pulled a critical face and shook his head. “Too dangerous.” With that, he leisurely strolled to the pasture.<\/p>\n

* * *<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Lilyah came towards him, the chestnut mare in tow, a very innocent looking Chai prancing about them.<\/p>\n

“Did Chai misbehave?” She looked up to him and saw his smile. “I’ve heard his nonsense whinny… When he whinnies like that, he’s usually up to no good…”<\/p>\n

Adam chuckled. “Don’t you worry, Lil – in all honesty, he’s brightened my day!”<\/p>\n

“I’m afraid I’ve failed to watch out for him…” She was glad to see his eyes that much brighter than their brooding dark at breakfast. Regarding his hat and gun belt, she hopefully asked, “We’ll be riding out?”<\/p>\n

“Uhm, no…” He tried to sound casual. “Joe and I will drive to Carson City with the buckboard; I have some small business to tend to. You think you can keep yourself busy while I’m gone – and take care of Mariah?”<\/p>\n

“I sure can.” She tried to not show any disappointment, or worry. He’d be with Joe, and while Joe was the youngest, he certainly could stand his ground if there were any problems. “I might take the chance to continue working her!”<\/p>\n

Adam felt a small stab inside, but overplayed it with a smile. “What are you working at?”<\/p>\n

“I’ll show you! Help me up, please…” She motioned Mariah closer and used his hand as a mounting help to get on the mare’s unsaddled back. “Now look!”<\/p>\n

Adam watched as she nudged the unbridled mare into an extended trot and felt his consciousness sorely rising up again. He knew so well that a lot of Mariah’s loyalty was due to Lilyah’s Arab horse training methods. One day he would tell her…<\/p>\n

He slowly turned around himself as Lilyah rode the mare in a wide circle, his eyes softening at the beauty of the image before him. Mariah had a regal, elegant trot and Lilyah sat it out so gracefully, with her small hands resting on her hips while she motioned the mare to dance sideways, first left, then right, finally trotting on the spot.<\/p>\n

“It’s all about trust!” Lilyah called out to him as she nudged the mare to dance backwards. “Horses don’t like to move backwards, but she’s doing it because she knows that I want her to and will praise her for it. She’s learning that obeying is a good thing to do!” She enthusiastically praised and patted the delighted mare.<\/p>\n

“Yah…” Adam heaved a deep breath. The word ‘trust’ kept on echoing in his mind.<\/p>\n

“She’ll be the most reliable horse you’ve ever had!” Lilyah rode up to him and slid from the mare’s back. “So that when you really get in any danger, you can rely on her, blindly!”<\/p>\n

He knitted his brow. She had a right to know… “Lil…”<\/p>\n

“But you’ll be careful not to get in any danger, won’t you?” Her hands glided up to his shoulders. Even though his shirt was its usual black, in her imagination she saw the dark wet stains that the red wine had left on his white shirt after he had left the party, those dark red stains that had looked like a bad omen to her. She tried to chase the image away. The imam had always said what an utterly stupid thing it would be to believe in omens and other such nonsense, unworthy of any rationally thinking human and especially a Muslim who should know better than that. Adam certainly wouldn’t believe in such things, either. But all those old tales where such omens had proven out to be dreadfully true – they had been around for much longer than anything the imam could come up with. Marfa had told them, her grandmother had told them, her grand-aunt, too, and great-grand-aunt Nooryah in particular had known tons of them… Her small hand clasped his arm. “You promise me to not get in any danger?”<\/p>\n

He looked into her suddenly fearful eyes and swallowed the words he had on his tongue. “Of course!” Taking her face in both hands, he brought his head close to hers. “Hey, little lady, I told you there’s no reason for you to worry, didn’t I?”<\/p>\n

She nodded her head, trying to get comfort from his reassuring smile. “You’ll take good care of yourself…”<\/p>\n

“Sure I will.” He tenderly kissed her forehead, his heart easing as he thought of the surprise he would have for her after his return.<\/p>\n

“Adam, yesterday…”<\/p>\n

“Now come on!” His thumbs caressed her face. “I came out of it without a scratch… well, almost.” He flashed her a boyish smile and looked at her so cheekily that she couldn’t help a little smile.<\/p>\n

“That’s better.” His baritone was as soft as velvet. “And now\u00a0you<\/em>\u00a0promise\u00a0me<\/em>\u00a0that you won’t worry all the time that I’m gone, alright?”<\/p>\n

“Alright…” She softly brushed over his cheek and responded to his kiss, fighting down the wish to ask him if she could come along to Carson City. If he’d wanted her to, he would have asked her.<\/p>\n

“I gotta go now.” Adam straightened out. “Do you want to mount again?”<\/p>\n

“Yes…” She closed in on Mariah and smiled as he offered her his cupped hand as a mounting help, lifting her up on the mare’s back.<\/p>\n

Adam took a few steps backwards and watched her sorting her garments. “I’m such a lucky man,” he mused. “The two most beautiful ladies in the world are mine!”<\/p>\n

A fine smile stole over her lips. “And I’m a lucky woman – the two darkest guys around are mine!”<\/p>\n

His eyes twinkled as he took a sidelong glance at the black stallion. “But I hope you’ll at least concede that my manners are better than his.”<\/p>\n

“Hmm… I’ll have to think about it…”<\/p>\n

Adam laughed and blew her a kiss before he turned around to give Chai a hearty slap. “You take care of those girls, buddy!”<\/p>\n

Lilyah chuckled, but her smile faded from her face as she watched Adam walking away, leaving the pasture, disappearing between the bushes that lined the yard. All her insides wanted to ride after him, she even contemplated the wild idea to change onto Chai’s back and follow him secretly, as everything inside of her revolted against the thought of letting him out of her sight. Her lower lip trembled as she drew a deep breath to calm herself down. Gathering all her willpower and self-control together, she turned the mare around and nudged her into a trot, in the opposite direction.<\/p>\n

* * *<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

“Now look who’s coming…” Little Joe grumbled, leading the team to the buckboard. “You have three guesses of who had to ride and catch those three horses!”<\/p>\n

Adam pursed his lips. “I could’ve had a thousand guesses and I wouldn’t have figured that anyone had seriously expected Chai to sweetly deliver those horses!”<\/p>\n

Joe threw him a piqued look, but then a grin stole over his lips, especially as he recalled the sheriff’s fascination. “Yep. Guess you’re right.”<\/p>\n

The brothers quickly harnessed the team and Joe watched as Adam went to get his damaged saddle that had lain hidden under a couple of blankets. Even after he had thrust it on the buckboard, he covered it with blankets again before he fastened it, as if he were afraid someone could see it. Joe wrinkled his brow. By now, Hoss had told him what had happened with the saddle.<\/p>\n

“Adam, I think you should tell her!”<\/p>\n

Adam looked up. “What?”<\/p>\n

“I think you should tell her what happened!” Joe met his brother’s unwilling look. “I think that if you love a girl and want to marry her, you should be completely honest with her. She’ll be your wife, she’s got a right to know what’s up!”<\/p>\n

Adam gave him a dark look and turned to the driver’s seat, grumbling. “That’ll be the day I turn to my kid brother for romantic advice…”<\/p>\n

Joe pulled a face, but didn’t give up as he went to the other side of the driver’s seat. “Adam, I didn’t really tell you the truth about how we got that horse. It wasn’t like I had much of a say about it. To be quite honest, with all those gorgeous horses on the Ortega ranch, I would’ve picked the first one we fell over and ran with it. I mean, those were magnificent horses, each one of them…”<\/p>\n

Adam did not reply, one foot on the wagon’s stepping board. He already regretted his gruff words.<\/p>\n

“But Lilyah was a pain in the back,” Joe went on. “She turned them all down, one after the other, she had something to nag about with all of them, not one was good enough for her. She went on and on, how the horse would have to have courage, and a big heart, and she cooked up all kinds of stories how you could get in some danger and the horse would have to be loyal and all that, and how your life could depend on that one day. She really drove me mad, and truth be told, I thought she was a pest. But she kept going until we found that mare.” He raised his head. “And I think you should tell her!”<\/p>\n

A rueful smile played around Adam’s lips, but then his brows started working. “Joe… she’d be worried sick if I told her! She’s already worrying now and she doesn’t even know anything. Now imagine how frightened she’d be if she knew exactly what happened.” He took a breath. “I’ll tell her about Mariah – once I’ve sorted this whole mess out and she won’t have a reason to get terrified.”<\/p>\n

“Maybe you’re right…” Joe entered the driver’s seat. “It’s just that I thought she’d be glad to hear that Mariah was so brave.”<\/p>\n

“Yeah, I know.” Adam took his seat at his brother’s side. “And Joe… I’m sorry for what I’ve said. About the kid brother.”<\/p>\n

“Hey!” Joe grinned. “Now don’t you make\u00a0me<\/em>\u00a0worry about you!”<\/p>\n

Adam chuckled and took up the reins.<\/p>\n

* * *<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

42. Simmering Under the Surface\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

The sun was already standing high in the sky when Lilyah rode the mare into the empty yard, with Chai faithfully trotting alongside. It probably was around eleven o’clock, maybe even high noon, and she pondered how long it might take to drive a buckboard to Carson City and back again. They certainly couldn’t travel very fast with the buckboard and whatever business Adam had to look after might also take a while. It could take several more hours for him to come back. She initially had planned to give both horses a good grooming, but with so much time left until Adam’s return she could probably do some shooting practice with her new bow. Not only had she promised it to Walking Deer, she also thought of the unknown danger Adam was in. It would be good to be prepared.<\/p>\n

Gliding from the mare’s back, she watched both horses going for the water trough and quickly went to the house and into her room to get her bow.<\/p>\n

“Oh, Missy!” Hop Sing stepped in her way as she came down the staircase again, heading for the door. “Hop Sing saw Missy coming and has tea and sandwich! Missy should eat a little!”<\/p>\n

“Oh, Hop Sing, that’s so nice, but I’m…”<\/p>\n

The cook puffed himself up. “You must eat, Missy! Mistel Adam would be mad at Hop Sing if Missy goes hungly! Missy so small and tiny! Missy witheling away without eating good!”<\/p>\n

Lilyah stood flabbergasted, not knowing whether to laugh or just run. For one moment Hop Sing reminded her of Marfa who even had carried her meals after her into the stables, loudly complaining all the way how her baby girl would\u00a0always<\/em>\u00a0forget to eat properly. At times, she dearly missed her old nanny who had been so much more of a mother to her than her real mother had ever been.<\/p>\n

“Alright…” She gave Hop Sing a warm smile. “But I’d like to eat on the porch, so I can watch the horses.”<\/p>\n

“Vely well, Missy!” Hop Sing shone with utmost satisfaction and carried the small tray to the porch.<\/p>\n

Lilyah still had a trace of her smile on her lips as she sat on the porch and ate one of the sandwiches, only wishing Adam could be there with her, or at least closeby where she’d knew he was safe. The tea was delicious and soothed her mind, her eyes rested on Chai and Mariah, so harmoniously standing together. They truly liked each other and she thought of how fortunate that was. Chai wasn’t easily endeared to other horses, usually just pestering and intimidating them. But Mariah obviously had won his friendship and she clearly was among those creatures he was fond of and chose to protect.<\/p>\n

The approaching sound of hoofbeats came to her ear, indicating a rider coming up to the ranch house. At the same time, she saw one of the ranch hands coming out of the bunkhouse. Her eyes quickly gazed over to Chai who had also noticed the man and backed away from the mare to have a closer look at him. Luckily, the cowboy already seemed to know the Arabian and dodged him in a wide bow to pass to the corral. Chai rotated his ears, but stood peacefully and just watched. Assuaged, Lilyah directed her attention to the corner of the barn where the unknown rider would appear the very next moment.<\/p>\n

A sharp, almost panicked snort sounded up and her eyes habitually flew to Chai, who had tensed in sudden alert. But before she could react, the stallion attacked, screaming and rearing up high to hit his front hooves against the ranch hand.<\/p>\n

“Chai! Stop it!” She sprang to her feet so hastily that she knocked over the tea cup, running onto the yard.\u00a0“Chai!”<\/em><\/p>\n

Chai jumped backwards, away from the man who had thrown himself to the ground in a desperate attempt to flank out from under the crashing hooves. The stallion’s snort sounded like a growl. His mistress’s call kept him at bay, but he was still riled up, his ears aggressively pinned back, his eyes furiously glaring at the ranch hand who was pale as a sheet. If those hooves had hit him, he would have been a goner.<\/p>\n

“What’s going on here??” A thundering voice bellowed all over the yard.<\/p>\n

Lilyah moaned. Of all the people on Allah’s wide earth, Ben Cartwright was the last one she’d wanted to see right now. She was about to figure a possible explanation when her eyes fell on Mariah. The mare had backed away as far as she could, until her backside had bumped against the corral. Her ears were pinned back flat on her head – not in aggression, but in fear. Her eyes were rolling. She looked like a horse that had gotten the frightening scent of a nearby hyena into its nostrils.<\/p>\n

“Mariah…” Lilyah carefully approached the mare. “What’s the matter? You’ve never spooked from Chai before…”<\/p>\n

“Higgins, you alright?” Ben hastened to assist the ranch hand who gruffly clambered back to his feet.<\/p>\n

“I’m alright, Mister Cartwright.” Jed Higgins shot a hateful look at the black stallion. “That stallion sure has the devil in his guts!”<\/p>\n

“Chai, come here!” Lilyah couldn’t prevent an unfriendly look at the cowboy. Chai followed her command and she realized with relief that Mariah didn’t shy away from the stallion at all. On the contrary, the mare seemed to take comfort in his presence as well as in Lilyah’s, and she visibly calmed down. Lilyah furrowed her brows, recalling the panicked nature of the very first snort she had heard. Chai was a lot of things, but he certainly wasn’t easily scared. She couldn’t even remember the last time he had panicked. He usually was so full of himself that he even viewed jackals and hyenas as suitable victims for his temper. How often had she seen him running after a jackal that had dared to sneak too close to the goats, and woe to the jackal if he’d gotten him.<\/p>\n

Ben threw her a flaming stare before he turned to Higgins again, brushing off the man’s jacket and picking up his lost hat for him. “You can take the rest of the day off, Higgins.” He scrambled a couple of half dollars from his pocket and handed them to the cowboy. “Go to town and wash down the shock!”<\/p>\n

“Thanks, Mister Cartwright, that’s mighty grand of you!” Higgins stored the coins away. “But you’d better lock that black devil away before he kills someone!”<\/p>\n

“Yeah…” Ben cast a glowering look at the stallion and watched Higgins making his way to the corral, cutting an even wider circle around the horses while bestowing them both with a sinister look.<\/p>\n

Ben heaved several deep breaths to fight down his raging fury. “MISS Lilyah!” He took another deep breath as he slowly approached her, still keeping an eye on the black Arabian who glared at him suspiciously. It didn’t help any to pacify him and his voice was rumbling with ire. “You are a guest of this house and FAR be it from me to be impolite, BUT I’ve told you time and time and time again to NOT let that horse run about loose! AND I’ve told you TIME and TIME and TIME again to put a HALTER on that animal! We DON’T let our horses romp around uncontrolled like that here on the Ponderosa! AND I’ll ask you VERY kindly to take the same proper care of your horse that anyone else on this ranch takes for his!”<\/p>\n

Lilyah stood very erect, her small face not showing any reaction. She could have told him something about proper care for horses – which certainly wouldn’t include stuffing them into narrow boxes all day long or letting them stand around under saddle at a post for hours on end. Apart from that, he had asked her to put a halter on Chai and not let him run loose only once, and that had been weeks ago, before Adam had gone on that cattle drive. But she swallowed the words. He was Adam’s father, any quarrel with this man would only fall back on Adam.<\/p>\n

She tried to keep a calm voice. “I’m very sorry about the incident, Mister Cartwright, but… Chai must have had a reason to attack this man, and I think…”<\/p>\n

“A REASON???” Ben’s eyes had bulged at her words. He couldn’t trust his ears and he felt his blood boiling. “NOW YOU LISTEN…”<\/p>\n

Chai snorted aggressively, slamming his front hoof into the ground. He hated it when his mistress was in distress.<\/p>\n

Ben pushed the air through his nose and forced himself to calm down, lest he became the next ‘reason’.\u00a0“Miss Lilyah!”<\/em>\u00a0He was seething. “Your horse attacked a man and could have killed him! And IF this horse kills a man, no one will care what REASON he might have had, or what you THINK about it! If this horse kills a man, he’ll be SHOT!”<\/p>\n

She raised her head high, her eyes started flaming, but she swallowed the words that threatened to break out of her. He was Adam’s father… Adam’s father… Adam’s father…<\/p>\n

“So I hope you’ll realize it’s in your own best interest to keep this animal properly under control!” Ben went on, a whole lot calmer now. “And as long as he’s here on the Ponderosa, I don’t want to see him running loose ever again!” Without a further word, he turned around and marched to the house.<\/p>\n

Lilyah took a deep breath and felt Chai’s muzzle on her shoulder. She mechanically raised her hand to pet him, taking comfort in his soft nibbling.<\/p>\n

“Miss Lilyah!”<\/p>\n

Her eyes narrowed before she had herself under control again to turn around to him with dignity. What was it now?<\/p>\n

Ben stood next to the porch and waited until she had come a few steps closer. Chai didn’t move an inch from her side, his ears rotating.<\/p>\n

“Miss Lilyah, I’m afraid I must ask you to not carry this bow around for as long as you stay on the Ponderosa.” He softened his voice, trying so come across more kindly. “You see, things like Indian bows are not very well received by some people in the area. It might… give needless fuel to all kinds of gossip. So…” He attemped a smile. “It will be a lot better if you’d just put it away for awhile.”<\/p>\n

“I understand, Mister Cartwright.” She put as much repose in her voice as she could, keeping her features under control to show nothing but quiet serenity.<\/p>\n

“I’ll tell Hop Sing to bring it to your room for you.”<\/p>\n

“Thank you, Mister Cartwright.” She calmly turned around and walked back to Mariah, who still stood at the corral. She knew that Chai would follow her on foot and she didn’t look back.<\/p>\n

As she reached the mare, any thought of Ben Cartwright vanished to the back of her mind. Mariah… She was very sure now that the panicked snort that had started the whole mess had come from her. Lilyah shook her head as she softly brushed over the small white blaze on Mariah’s face. She couldn’t have been so wrong about this mare… Mariah had heart, she had courage, loyalty, she had everything that made a great horse. And of course she was without her master now, whom she had learned to trust for protection. But what was it that had so frightened this calm, nonchalant mare? Frightened her enough to make Chai go wild?<\/p>\n

She looked into Mariah’s big brown eyes. “If only you could talk,” she murmured. “If only you could talk…”<\/p>\n

* * *<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

“Hey, squaw man, we’re talking to you!”<\/p>\n

Adam did not even flinch as he loaded another tool box on the buckboard. From the corner of his eyes he saw Joe’s jaw tensing, saw that his kid brother was on the verge of explosion.<\/p>\n

“Hey, Joe, give me a hand with that one!” He approached a heavy trunk standing on the sidewalk.<\/p>\n

“Sure.” Joe fought down his anger and went to grab one side of the trunk.<\/p>\n

“The squaw man just won’t talk to us, fellas!” Ugly laughter followed the words. “Seems he\u00a0still<\/em>\u00a0thinks he’s somethin’ better than us poor folks!”<\/p>\n

“Or maybe he’s just gone yellow!” A second voice shrieked, instigating another row of laughter.<\/p>\n

The brothers lifted the heavy trunk on the buckboard.<\/p>\n

“Yeah, sure, he’s gone yellow! Bet he’s eating dirt now like all them other dirty redskins!”<\/p>\n

Joe’s eyes flashed up and he made a sharp movement towards the bunch of men loitering around in front of the next store.<\/p>\n

“Joe, we gotta fasten the load!” Adam sounded calm, but his hazel eyes dived into his brother’s flickering green ones, persevering, controlling, demanding the angry flickering to back down.<\/p>\n

“Sure…” Joe gritted his teeth as he helped Adam tie ropes around the trunks and boxes to keep them from slipping or even falling off later during the drive.<\/p>\n

“Eh, squaw man, d’ya have bear fat in your mouth ‘n ears or why don’t ya talk to us?”<\/p>\n

“Seems squaw man’s little brother is just as yellow as himself. Mebbe they both are cowards!”<\/p>\n

Joe nearly jumped in his boots. “Adam, I’m going to…”<\/p>\n

“Joe!” Adam placed his hand firmly on his brother’s arm. “You gotta learn to keep your calm. Learn not to let such dumb lowlifes get to you!”<\/p>\n

“Hey, squaw man! Is it true that your little brown slut stinks like a skunk when you get closer?”<\/p>\n

Joe saw his brother’s lips growing pale, saw his hazel eyes turning almost black. “Adam, I think I can just as well learn that some other day…”<\/p>\n

Adam took a deep breath and met his brother’s eyes. “Yah!”<\/p>\n

They whirled around as one, charging into the group of assailants like a pair of attacking bulls, their fists flying left and right. For one moment the slanderers were taken aback by the force of the sudden onslaught, several of them getting knocked down before they could even get their nasty laughter off their faces. But they quickly adapted to the situation and crowded together to strike back.<\/p>\n

“Adam, watch out!” Joe ducked from a blow and quickly grabbed a handful of dust to sling it at his brother’s attacker.<\/p>\n

Adam flew around just in time to see the knife, his fist crashed down on the man’s arm. At the same moment, he received a blow against his head and stumbled. Another guy threw himself on Adam’s back and buried him beneath him. Adam summoned all his strength to shake off the attacker, from the corner of his eye he saw one of the bunch swinging a wooden club at his brother’s back.<\/p>\n

“JOE!”<\/p>\n

Joe instinctively ducked sideways but couldn’t prevent the heavy wood from hitting hard on his shoulder. He threw himself on the ground and rolled away from a second hit, kicking both feet against the man with the club. The guy stumbled backwards, straight into the distressed shop owner who had just been carrying his stands to safety. Both men landed on the sidewalk, the contents of the display basket rolling all about them. Joe had no time to look, as another mugger jumped on his back, wrestling both arms around his throat.<\/p>\n

Adam saw it and struggled to break free from his own attacker, but had to dodge the knife swinging guy again. A fist crashed against his temple and sent him stumbling against the buckboard. Shaking his head to chase away the sudden dizziness, he blindly lashed out at another attacker.<\/p>\n

A gunshot bellowed up and for a heartbeat the whole scene seemed to freeze.<\/p>\n

“That’s it, guys!” A sharp voice cut in. Frank Miller sat on his palomino, his gun pointed at the men. “I’d suggest you fellows slink off to the holes you crawled out from. I’ve got a very nervous finger when my friends are in trouble!” He cocked his gun. “Very nervous, indeed!”<\/p>\n

Grumbling and mumbling, the slanderers strolled off.<\/p>\n

“Thanks, Frank…” Joe rubbed his throat. Adam just nodded his head and started brushing the dust from his clothes. His vision was still slightly blurred and he squinted his eyes several times to clear it.<\/p>\n

“My pleasure.” Frank dismounted and hurried to the brothers. “Seems like I just came right in time! Shoot, what was this all about? Don’t tell me it was about Adam’s beautiful fianc\u00e9e again!”<\/p>\n

“Seems so…” Joe spat out. “Dumb yahoos!”<\/p>\n

“Unbelievable!” Frank exclaimed with fervor. “Who would ever think people could be so mean!”<\/p>\n

“People?” Joe snorted. “I wouldn’t call them ‘people’. Scoundrels would be more like it!”<\/p>\n

“That’s for sure!” Frank donned a smile. “It seems you two could use a cool beer now! Come on, I’ll buy you a drink!”<\/p>\n

Adam shook his head and picked up his hat. “Thanks, but not me. I’ve got some business to do before we drive back.”<\/p>\n

“Older brother again!” Joe laughed. “That’ll be the day when a beer can stand between Adam and his business!” He slapped Frank’s shoulder. “But I’d love to… come… a…” His eyes were fixed on the other side of the street. “… along… sorry, Frank, maybe later…” He started to walk across the street, hastily brushing over his hair and clothes.<\/p>\n

Adam couldn’t help a smirk as he looked after his youngest brother, doubtlessly heading for a pretty young lady walking along the opposite side of the street. That would be the day that\u00a0anything<\/em>\u00a0could stand between Joe and a girl…<\/p>\n

“It’s good you came along, Frank.” He turned to Miller junior. “Thanks, we appreciate it. Also the invitation, but you know how it is. Business comes first.”<\/p>\n

“Sure.” Frank laughed. “Actually, I would have been surprised if a drink could’ve impaired your famous commitment to duty and responsibility!”<\/p>\n

Adam didn’t quite know what to say. “We’ll have that drink on the Ponderosa, the next time you and your father call, alright?”<\/p>\n

“I’ll take your word for it!” Frank returned jovially.<\/p>\n

Adam had a last controlling look at the buckboard and gave Frank a nod. “Bye, Frank.”<\/p>\n

“Bye!” Frank mounted his horse and watched the oldest Cartwright son walking down the street, heading for the land office across the plaza and disappearing into the building. Nodding to himself, he cantered to the saloon across the street and dismounted, tying his horse to the post.<\/p>\n

“Mister Miller…”<\/p>\n

Frank unwillingly looked up, his brow darkening as he saw the man approaching him. “Now couldn’t you just wait? What if anyone sees you with me?”<\/p>\n

The man shrugged his shoulder. “No harm’s done, Mister Miller, they’re not around to see me. I’ve checked on that.”<\/p>\n

Frank pulled a twenty dollar gold coin from his pocket and tossed it to the man. “Here. Good job, by the way, but next time you wait!”<\/p>\n

The man nodded his head, bit on the coin and stashed it away, before he turned around to disappear into a side alley.<\/p>\n

* * *<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

“Ah, Ben is such a lucky man!” The clerk’s voice was near to swooning.<\/p>\n

Adam looked up, slightly confused. They hadn’t even talked about his father.<\/p>\n

“He must be so proud of you, knowing what you’re doing!” The clerk went on. “But of course he knows too well that his sons would do everything for the Ponderosa! He’s always so proud when he talks about his boys!”<\/p>\n

An irritated expression passed over Adam’s face. The clerk was known all around for his never ending chatter, but what had his planned purchase of the land at the northern shore of the lake to do with his father being proud of anything?<\/p>\n

“But of course, you always were the smartest of his boys, as he told me more than once! And you sure know how awfully dreadful the heat wave is on the land. Many say we’re getting a drought, just like California! Why, that was the reason for both the Hendersons and the Martins to sell all their stock! They had to sell it! Their pastures dried out, and Henderson even lost his well!” He vehemently nodded his head and made round, dramatical eyes. “They would’ve had such a terrible loss had it not been for your dear father! A man larger than life, generous to a fault! And to think that the critters were half starved, and he paid a good, decent market price, nonetheless! Lewis Martin told me they would have been ruined, had it not been for good Ben Cartwright! And certainly Henderson would have been ruined, too! No one else would have bought their stock! But Ben did it. Such a benevolent man!” He sighed with pleasure. “But what am I babbling? Of course, you know all that!”<\/p>\n

Adam’s face had frozen to a mask. The stock of both Martin and Henderson would accumulate to some 900 head of cattle. Apart from the fact that 900 head at a good market price would severely strain their cash funds, what did their father plan to feed them on? Pine needles? With the dried out land, they didn’t even have enough pasture for their own herds, certainly not after the purchases of the California cattle. For one moment, Adam’s breathing stalled and he felt something cold creeping up his back, bristling his neck. But no, the lands by the northern shores of the lake were too far off to even consider driving cattle there. Not to speak of the fact that large herds of cattle would wreak havoc on those rather delicate meadows if kept there for any longer time, just like they had ruined the open range.<\/p>\n

“Of course, I would’ve tried everything to hold your father’s option for as long as he needed to get the cash for the purchase!” The clerk pulled a sad face. “But, if someone else had paid the price, there wouldn’t have been much I could have done. The law would have forced me to sell.”<\/p>\n

Adam momentarily closed his eyes, but regained control over his face within a heartbeat. The thoughts were racing behind his forehead. “Is there a prospect for this land?” He was dazed at how dry his voice sounded, how absolutely emotionless.<\/p>\n

“William Simmons. But he hasn’t paid yet, nor had he claimed an option.” The clerk gave him an exaggeratedly witty wink. Several times over, just in case Adam had not caught the first one.<\/p>\n

Adam nodded his head. Simmons. Another big cattle rancher that just couldn’t get enough.<\/p>\n

“Henry Miller placed a temporary option on half the land to help your father, but hadn’t had enough liquid cash at the moment, either,” the clerk spluttered on. The word discreetness seemed to be missing in his dictionary. “And now you come here to buy this land on your dear father’s behalf!” He nearly burst with exhilaration. “What a commitment! That’s so moving! That’s so heart-warming! A father and his three sons, always standing in for one another! That’s the stuff they make stories from, stories that will touch people’s hearts for generations to come! The Cartwrights will be a legend one day!”<\/p>\n

Adam fought down the urgent wish to take all the papers on the desk and stuff them into the clerk’s mouth. It took him some effort to keep a calm voice. “Let’s get on with this!”<\/p>\n

“Of course, of course!” The clerk eagerly went to work, smiling as if he were Fortuna himself. “It’s a privilege to witness an empire like the Ponderosa blossom and flourish! For your father is of course right: this terrible heat wave will soon be over, God willing, and then those cattle will turn into pure gold! It’s premium livestock!”<\/p>\n

“Yah.” Adam drew an unnerved breath. “I guessed as much.”<\/p>\n

The clerk’s babbling wavered past his ears as he signed the contract for the purchase. He couldn’t afford all the land he would love to have, but a good chunk of it and most important, the part with the only spring and the brook coming from it. But the silent joy he had felt before when thinking of this land was gone and he couldn’t help the distressing feeling that he was making a major mistake, that he should stop right there and then and think it over again. But he went ahead. It almost felt like a noose was closing around his neck. A part of him wondered why his fingers signing the papers didn’t even tremble.<\/p>\n

“That’s why the Ponderosa is as great and prosperous as it is! A man like Ben Cartwright always has the right instinct, whatever he touches just turns to gold! Of course…”<\/p>\n

Adam unceremoniously grabbed his papers and fled.<\/p>\n

The clerk went mute as the door was slammed shut behind the oldest Cartwright son, and for a second he stood slightly flustered. But then he smiled. Adam Cartwright had always been quite dark and taciturn, almost mysterious in his reserved manners, but inside, of course, he was just such a nice boy.<\/p>\n

* * *<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

43. The Thorn Inside\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

“Hey, Adam, look!” Joe halted the team and pointed to the pasture lining the way to the ranch house. “Can this girl ride or what?” He slapped Adam’s back, laughing. If the sight of his sweetheart wouldn’t pull his oldest brother out of this brooding silence he’d been in ever since they’d left Carson City, he didn’t know what would.<\/p>\n

Adam looked up and his eyes indeed brightened at the sight of Lilyah who had seen the buckboard and nudged the unsaddled mare into a fast canter to approach it. But they weren’t as bright as they used to be at her sight. Before his inner eye, the image of the wide meadows at the northern shores of the lake appeared, so well suited for her love to race a horse.<\/p>\n

“Adam!”<\/p>\n

How much joy was in her call – and how much relief. Had she been waiting, keeping an eye on the way all the time?<\/p>\n

“Wait a minute!” Adam slammed in the brake and jumped off the buckboard to head for the fence.<\/p>\n

“Sure thing.” Joe shortly contemplated the idea to drive on and tell his brother to walk the rest of the way – which he doubtlessly would have enjoyed, given the sweet company he’d have – but then he refrained from it. Sure, they were close to the ranch, the tip of the barn’s roof could already be seen shimmering through the treetops, but with some unknown snipers crawling around, it probably wouldn’t be such a good idea. “Hey, Lily!” He waved to her.<\/p>\n

“Hey, Joe…” She returned his wave, but her eyes were upon Adam who had reached the fence and passed beneath it. Sliding from Mariah’s back and flying into his arms was a matter of a heartbeat.<\/p>\n

“Ho!” He pulled her closer to himself, his heart warming at how tightly she clung to him. “Looks like I’ve been missed…”<\/p>\n

“Oh, you’ve been!” Her eyes were shining and she willingly responded to his kiss. It was so good to have him back, unharmed, uninjured, whole and well.<\/p>\n

Adam’s hand softly caressed her hair, but his thoughts were frayed. He thought of the land, of the plans he had been drawing last night, which he had wanted to show her later this day. It would have been well suited to turn her mind from her worries, have her focus on something else. Instead, his mind was churning now around his father, their inevitable confrontation, and the necessity to keep Lilyah out of the house when the confrontation took place. Again.<\/p>\n

“Adam?” She looked up to his face, still holding on to him as close as she could. “Is everything alright?”<\/p>\n

“Sure…” Something in her dark eyes stirred a strange sensation in him, but he did his best to give her a reassuring smile. “And what about you, Lil? You’ve had a nice day?”<\/p>\n

“Why, yes…” So aware of the shadows looming in him once again, she didn’t want to add to them. Yet she had to tell him about the incident in the yard. His father might address him on it and he shouldn’t be completely unprepared. “Unfortunately, Chai misbehaved and your father wasn’t very pleased about it.”<\/p>\n

“Did he bother you?”<\/p>\n

She noticed the sudden alertness in his voice and replied in a light manner, “No, not really.”<\/p>\n

“Good.” His eyes wandered to the stallion and the ghost of a smirk appeared on his lips. “One should think that by now he’d gotten used to it!”<\/p>\n

“Adam…” She hesitated. “Did anything happen to Mariah while you were away with her yesterday?”<\/p>\n

He crinkled his forehead. “What makes you think so?”<\/p>\n

“She spooked today…” She still had not figured out a reason why Mariah could have spooked. The ranch hand had not done anything, it was as if merely his scent had frightened the mare. Lilyah had looked out for the man, contemplating the idea to confront the horse with him again, but he had been gone.<\/p>\n

Adam was rather relieved. “Every horse spooks once in a while, Lil. Well, maybe except for Chai – he spooks the world around him!”<\/p>\n

A small smile showed on her face upon his joke, but it faded as she saw his amusement vanishing.<\/p>\n

“Is my father at home?” He tried to sound casual. Mariah helped him along when she nudged her master to collect a loving.<\/p>\n

“Yes, he came back some hours ago and I didn’t see him leave.”<\/p>\n

Adam nodded his head and took a breath. “Lil…” He searched for words.<\/p>\n

“… you have to talk to him and would prefer if I’d stay outside for the time,” she concluded.<\/p>\n

He stood dumbstruck, his lips parted. A rather sheepish contortion stole over his face and he didn’t quite know what to say. “Uhm…”<\/p>\n

“It’s alright.” Her fingers softly brushed over his cheek, to the small scar above his upper lip. “I wanted to ride Chai for awhile, anyway. I worked so much with Mariah, I’m afraid he starts to feel neglected.”<\/p>\n

“Yah.” He cleared his throat. “It won’t take long. It’s just… some business talk…”<\/p>\n

“Of course.” It pained her to see him so helpless, so thrown off track, so uncomfortable under circumstances he could not control. Worst of all was to know that it pained him.<\/p>\n

“I better get going.” Adam kissed her fingers. “We’ll have coffee together once I’m finished, alright?”<\/p>\n

“Alright.” Not wanting to make it any harder for him, she turned to Chai to mount, using Adam’s cupped hand as a mounting help. It had become such a dear mannerism. Adam kept his hand a little longer on her thigh than necessary to secure her seat and she enjoyed the warmth of his touch. Smiling, she bowed down to kiss him and softly tipped his nose. “For once I don’t have to rise on my toes to reach your lips!”<\/p>\n

“Don’t get used to it! For I don’t consider it a very manly thing to stand on\u00a0my<\/em>\u00a0toes!”<\/p>\n

She chuckled, thankful for the little twinkle showing in his eyes. There was so much humour in him, so much fun, so much cheekiness… why couldn’t it just be allowed to flow freely? Why all those problems, restrictions, shadows? Why? It wasn’t fair! Trying to not let those thoughts show on her face, she patted his chin. “You need a shave!”<\/p>\n

“On your command, my queen!” He smiled and watched as Lilyah rode on, cantering across the pasture. Mariah snorted, looking back and forth between her master and Lilyah. Adam gave her a hearty slap. “Go, girl!”<\/p>\n

He watched his mare running off and his smile faded as he returned to the buckboard. He just knew without a doubt that Lilyah would have vastly preferred to accompany him to the house, hand in hand, arm in arm, finally together again after being separated for almost all day. Besides, what kind of a man was he to keep his future wife out on the pasture all day long?<\/p>\n

* * *<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

“Oh, Adam!” Ben looked up from his desk. “Where’s Joe?”<\/p>\n

Adam unbuckled his gun belt and placed it on the credenza. “He saw Hoss working on the leathers and decided to give him a hand.”<\/p>\n

“Good!” Ben watched his son walking to the sideboard to get himself a drink and got up. “And that’s even better. I could use one, too!” He quickly came over. “These numbers are killing me!”<\/p>\n

Adam wordlessly took out a second glass and filled two fingerbreadths of brandy in each one. He didn’t look up, but he saw his father’s hand take his glass and it had something surreal about it, like an unexpected glimpse of an old picture; a fragment of a once prevalent image that had been all but forgotten and now looked so strange upon seeing it again. How often had they shared a drink, talking about this or that, celebrating a success or merely reclining after a hard day’s work? It had always had an air of equality about it, two men sharing a brandy. Seemingly. On the surface.<\/p>\n

He took a sip and turned to the hearth, looking into the cold ashes and black charcoals as the liquid burnt its way down his throat. Behind his back, he heard his father’s steps approaching the red armchair, but he didn’t hear him sit down.<\/p>\n

“Anything go wrong in Carson?” Ben asked.<\/p>\n

“No.” Adam looked down on his brandy, the color of which reminded him of the soft golden tone of Lilyah’s skin. His father had asked about Joe, but not about her. Wouldn’t he be naturally expected to bring his fianc\u00e9e with him into the house? Was it just thoughtlessness on his father’s part?<\/p>\n

“Is there… anything on your mind?” Ben probed, tentatively. Almost hopeful…<\/p>\n

Adam took a breath. “I’ve been to the land office today.”<\/p>\n

“Ah…” Ben didn’t quite know what to make of it, but something in his son’s tensed demeanor suggested that nothing pleasant was to be expected. “How’s Sammy Hopkins?”<\/p>\n

“Talkative,” Adam replied dryly. “He mentioned that you bought the herds of both Martin and Henderson.”<\/p>\n

Ben raised his head, his brow climbed up. He well remembered how fiercely Adam had argued against the purchase of the California cattle. Had his eldest gotten his way, they would have decreased their stock, and significantly so, not increased the numbers by buying new cattle. Of course, Ben had had the last word in it. What a shame it would have been to miss out on such a chance. “Yes, we bought them,” he finally said.<\/p>\n

A mirthless move twitched Adam’s lip. Amazing how his father always said ‘we’ when he should have said ‘I’.<\/p>\n

“The week before the party,” Ben continued. “You would’ve known about it, had you been around!”<\/p>\n

Adam merely arched an eyebrow. The reproach in his father’s words was not to be overheard. “Yeah, I remember spending a considerable part of that week picking up some half-starved critters in the mountains, where they’d strayed in desperate search for food.”<\/p>\n

Ben drew the air through his nose, his brow furrowing. “Now are we at that one again?” He came around the red armchair, his annoyance growing as Adam did not turn to face him. “Adam, I value your opinion, but we’ve had this discussion! And I don’t see any sense in starting it\u00a0all over<\/em>\u00a0again!”<\/p>\n

“I can’t believe you’ve bought\u00a0even more<\/em>\u00a0cattle after it was plain clear that we barely had…”<\/p>\n

Ben cut him off. “Adam, I already know\u00a0all<\/em>\u00a0your arguments, we’ve been through that in all exhausting detail!” He set his glass on the table, hard enough to produce a loud clang. “But this was a chance not to be missed, and besides, it was a neighborly thing to do! It’s premium livestock, first-rate Texas longhorn, and I would’ve been ashamed of myself had I not paid a proper price for it, but taken advantage of the misfortunes befallen our neighbors!”<\/p>\n

“I’m not talking about the price you’ve paid!” Adam forced himself not to shout. “I’m talking about the lunacy to buy them at all!”<\/p>\n

Ben rose to his full height, his eyes spitting fire. “How DARE you speak to me like that! I’m still your father, young man, and I’m not putting up with such behavior from you!” He noisily drew in the air. “And would you look at me when I talk to you!”<\/p>\n

Adam slowly came around, calm on the outward, but nearly trembling inside. How long was he going to put up with that? He saw the first joints of his fingers holding his drink turning white with tension and he relaxed his grip to not break the glass.<\/p>\n

“Adam!” Ben toned down his voice. “Why can’t you just see what a chance this is? Nine hundred head of such quality? Finest Texas longhorn, premium breed?” His hand described a wide bow through the air. “Son, at times you gotta take risks when you really want to achieve something! I know pasture is sparse, but we’ll pull through, like we always have! This is how the Ponderosa became what it is now! I started this ranch out of nothing, with nothing around, nary a settlement anywhere nearby, and it was a huge risk to leave California to build this ranch, but I took this risk! I cleared the wild lands, I built this ranch with my own two hands, and I took one big, dangerous risk after the other to keep it growing!”<\/p>\n

Adam’s eyes had narrowed. “I remember,” he said simply, wondering how detached his words came out. At times, his father could very well say ‘I’, most often when it probably should have been ‘we’.<\/p>\n

“Of course you do!” Ben exclaimed with vehemence. “That’s why I just don’t understand that you’re so… so…” He searched for a suitable word. “… so… unassertive!”<\/p>\n

Adam drew an exasperated breath. It really made no sense to go through all this again. They already had been through this when his father had bought the California cattle. “Where are those 900 head now?” he finally asked. “I didn’t see any larger additions to the herd on the northern pasture.”<\/p>\n

“We’ve put them on the open range for now!”<\/p>\n

Adam was about to smash his glass and caught himself just in the last moment. “The open range!” His brow had darkened. “After you nearly started a riot because of Hatfield’s 60 or 70 head!”<\/p>\n

Ben threw him a glowering look. “Now I beg to differ, young man! It was YOU who made a riot over the open range!”<\/p>\n

“And for a reason!” Adam retorted sharply. “The range needs to be spared to grow back its grass. And this won’t happen with 900 head trampling all over it. And certainly not now with the ground dried up. Have you had a look at the land lately? And the range? Nearly half of it is nothing but grime and dust!”<\/p>\n

“It’s only temporarily,” Ben ameliorated. “I’ve already got an idea where to put the cattle!”<\/p>\n

Adam’s eyes darkened even more. “Now don’t tell me you’re seriously thinking of putting those 900 head on the meadows on the northern shores of the lake…”<\/p>\n

“How do you…” Ben startled, but then he laughed. “Ah! Of course… Sammy Hopkins! He really can’t keep anything to himself, can he?” His laughter, not being particularly light-hearted anyway, faded completely after a look in his son’s face. “Now what do you have against the northern shores of the lake?”<\/p>\n

“Several things.” Adam forced himself to a casual, practical tone. “First off, those meadows are rather delicate and won’t take it lightly if you drive 900 head of cattle there. Leave them there a couple of weeks or even months and they’ll be ruined for two years, if not longer.” He saw his father opening his mouth and raised his voice. “Second, it would mean to drive 900 head of cattle up and down rocky hillsides and through thick woods, which, in itself, is utterly ridiculous. AND third…” He didn’t let his father have a word in. “If you find that the Ponderosa cannot feed 900 more head during a drought it’d probably be wiser to consider selling stock, and not adding more and more because you just can’t get enough!”<\/p>\n

Ben glowered at his son. “Are you finished?” He didn’t wait for an answer. “Fine!<\/em>\u00a0First, I know it will be hard on those meadows, but we’ve got no other choice! This stock needs to be fed back to some proper weight!”<\/p>\n

“Oh!” Adam raised an eyebrow in blatant mockery. “What ever happened to ‘don’t just take from the land, but give back to it’?”<\/p>\n

Ben fought down his anger. “It won’t be for long! And they wouldn’t be ruined forever! They’d grow back in a couple of years. Besides, the regular pastures will recover once rain comes, and I’m praying for rain every day…”<\/p>\n

“We haven’t had any rain since February,” Adam dryly cut in. “And it’s the end of June now. I’m afraid you can keep on praying ’til November!”<\/p>\n

“I WILL NOT tolerate blaspheming in this house!!”<\/p>\n

“I’m not blaspheming, I’m\u00a0thinking!<\/em>” Adam retorted sharply. “Something you’d better consider trying as well, for a change!”<\/p>\n

Ben furiously jumped up. “BOY, DON’T YOU FORGET WHO YOU ARE TALKING TO!!” His eyes were spitting fire. “If you don’t tone down AT ONCE, you can consider this LITTLE discussion as FINISHED!”<\/p>\n

Adam drew a sharp breath, fighting down his boiling rage until he whirled about and smashed his glass into the hearth. It shattered into thousand pieces upon hitting the blackened stones. The splintering noise brought him back to his senses. Choking on his pride, Adam threw back his head, closing his eyes.<\/p>\n

“Adam…” Ben recollected himself, watching his son’s tensed back, the heavy movements of his shoulders. “Son… Difficult times require difficult measures! I know the dryness is hard on the land, but there’s a chance in it, as well!” He closed in a few steps. “All the other ranchers cut down on their stock, some even had to give up, losing their herds, but this leaves a market in dire need for good beef!” His hand reached out for his son’s arm.<\/p>\n

Adam dodged the touch. “The market is awash with beef. Everybody’s selling out and the vultures are having feast days on what’s left on the roadside.”<\/p>\n

“Yes!” Ben agitatedly nodded his head, his hand waving through the air as if he were conducting his own speech. “There you say it yourself! Everybody’s selling out – on lowest quality beef, from meager cattle that is nothing but skin and bones, that scarcely brings five dollars a head! And the supplies won’t last! Adam, can’t you just see it? Have you lost\u00a0every<\/em>\u00a0sense for good ranching?”<\/p>\n

Adam took another step back, turning his shoulder on his father. His eyes wandered from the hearth to the gunshelf to the floor, unfocused, without seeing much. He knew this zealous tone in his father’s voice too well, the intent passion which indicated that he was up to something, tenacious like a blood hound on the track. And it didn’t take much brain to figure out what it was.<\/p>\n

Ben continued, even more ardently. “Adam, selling out now would be selling at a loss! And a big loss at that! We couldn’t afford such losses!”<\/p>\n

“We wouldn’t have needed to sell one head had we kept the stock we had and not went and bought one underfed herd after the other to add to it!”<\/p>\n

“Oh, Adam!” Ben shook his head, with the demeanour of a man trying to explain something very simple to a stubborn child that refused to understand it. “Adam, don’t dabble in such\u00a0thrifty<\/em>\u00a0thinking! Where are your\u00a0guts<\/em>, boy? You must see the\u00a0big<\/em>\u00a0picture! This dry weather won’t last! And what d’you think will happen once the pastures are back to full bloom? Once all those underfed cattle will be gaining good weight, all that fine livestock growing fat and healthy? At a time when there will be NO surplus beef left on the market? Well?\u00a0Well??<\/em>”<\/p>\n

Adam did not react. Something deep inside of him was hurting.<\/p>\n

Ben was hesitant to step any closer, sensing his son’s inner tension. “I’ll get you a new glass!” He went for the sideboard. “And we even might have a buyer – once the cattle is back in some better condition! I’ve spoken with Joshuah Irving from Irving & Company, he said he would pay a fortune for some beef that wouldn’t take him all day to chew!” He laughed, hoping for at least a trace of amusement on his son’s face.<\/p>\n

“And what if it doesn’t rain any time soon?” Adam slowly turned around, his face a controlled mask, his voice void of any emotion. “The meadows at the lake won’t carry 900 head for any longer than four or six weeks at most. After that, the grass will be gone, the ground trampled and ruined for nothing.”<\/p>\n

For a moment Ben’s features darkened, but he brushed it off. “Aw, come on! Don’t be so pessimistic! As I said, you have to take a risk if you want to achieve something! Sitting around doing nothing won’t get you anywhere, and no Cartwright ever put his head in the sand in times of hardship!” He filled a generous amount of brandy into both glasses. “And even if the worst comes to pass, these meadows will have\u00a0decades<\/em>\u00a0to recover. As you rightly realized, they are far off and the way to them is too difficult to use them on a regular basis! They will never be needed again once things are back to normal!” He took his glass and pushed the second one a bit in Adam’s direction.<\/p>\n

Adam did not move and looked into the hearth. There was the memory of father and son, comfortably having a drink in front of cozily warming flames, of the hearth that so prominently embodied the center and heart of their home. But now his eyes merely saw the splinters of his broken glass, scattered across the cold ashes and soot-covered charcoals of an unlit fireplace.<\/p>\n

“The problem, of course, will be paying for them!” Ben went on. “We’re rather short of cash after these last purchases. But I already have an idea! Adam, I want you to ride to Falls Flat and see that pesky Leon Vanderville, and renew the contract for that timber that just ran out! You know I couldn’t really deal with that guy, and word got to me that he will only negotiate with you, since the two of you got along quite well.” He gave the second glass he had poured for Adam another little tip into his son’s direction, until it almost was over the edge of the sideboard’s surface. Adam showed no intention of getting it or even acknowledging its being there, and Ben pondered the sense of handing it out to his son. For one moment, his deliberately busy demeanor failed him. How far had they come that even such an unimportant tidbit grew into an issue?<\/p>\n

“And we need that contract!” Ben finally went on. “Not only to get the cash to buy the meadows at the lake, but also to prevent it from going to someone else – Barney Fuller for example, God forbid!”<\/p>\n

Adam took a deep breath. “I’ve bought them already.”<\/p>\n

Ben looked up, dumbfounded. “What?”<\/p>\n

Adam twisted his lower lip and didn’t return his father’s look, his eyes still at the ashes of the hearth. The meadows were his property now, paid for with the money he had saved for years, money he had made with his own businesses in the mining industry of Virginia City. His land, and he had every right in the world to keep his father from getting at it. And deep inside, so deeply buried that he almost didn’t dare to look that deep, a nasty little voice seemed to whisper that he should keep the meadows for himself, go ahead with his own plans, his own dreams tied to them. He had been trampled upon enough. Should his father fall into the hole he had dug for himself; Adam had warned loud enough against any cattle purchases, time and again, and time and again he had been brushed off like he was but a pestering child. Adam closed his eyes, fighting down a sharp pain. He knew he couldn’t do it. He wouldn’t be able to do it.<\/p>\n

“You bought what?” Ben repeated.<\/p>\n

“The meadows at the northern shores of the lake. The biggest part of them, including the brook.”<\/p>\n

“But…” Ben shook his head in disbelief. “Why? For what?”<\/p>\n

Adam opened his eyes again, but he didn’t see anything. “For me and Lilyah.”<\/p>\n

“What? But…” Ben drew closer. “Adam, that’s in the middle of the wilderness! That’s a four hour ride from here!”<\/p>\n

Adam blew a humourless chuckle. “I thought you’d be glad if you wouldn’t have to see my wife very often.”<\/p>\n

Ben was taken aback. “But, Adam…” He shook his head, searching for words. “Adam… yes, I know I had my problems with it, but… of course I accept your choice…” He broke off. “Son, that’ll be about six hours from Virginia City – on horseback! It would take you all day to get there with a buckboard! You can’t seriously think of that! It’s unreasonable!” He raised his head. “And why wouldn’t you settle down on Ponderosa land? Close to the ranch?”<\/p>\n

“Maybe I wanted my own land.” He couldn’t look in his father’s face, and he wasn’t sure if he feared what he could see there or what his father could see in his.<\/p>\n

“Aw, come on!” Ben’s brow furrowed as something felt like a stabbing from inside. “The Ponderosa IS your own land! It’s Cartwright land! Son, what do you think I built this ranch for, if not for my sons? What would it be worth, were it not for my sons? We all work together on this ranch and you’re a vital part of it! I wouldn’t know what to do without you!”<\/p>\n

Adam uncomfortably shifted his weight. He had his thumbs in his back pockets, seemingly casual, but his fingers almost cramped in his attempt not to ball his hands into fists. A part of him felt like running away, another felt sorry for his father, who had his own plans worked out in all detail, after he most likely was brought to this insanely risky last cattle purchase out of mercy for Martin and Henderon, at least to a large extent. And deep inside Adam felt an increasingly hurting mixture of growing sadness, despair and resignation.<\/p>\n

“Adam, I’ll buy the land from you!” Ben made a movement as if he wanted to give his son a friendly slap, but didn’t touch him. “And we’ll find another beautiful spot for you on the Ponderosa! What about this house you started building for Laura? Close enough to the ranch and a comfortable driving distance to Virginia City and Carson. I’m sure your brothers will be eager to help you finish it, and your old father will provide all the materials you need! And of course, a helping hand as well!”<\/p>\n

Adam gave him an exasperated look. “You don’t expect me to put her into a house I’ve started for another woman? Apart from that, this place wouldn’t be suited for Lilyah at all. She’s got other requirements.”<\/p>\n

“And… what would these be?” Ben asked cautiously. It probably wasn’t the best time to pick on her… peculiarities.<\/p>\n

Adam didn’t reply.<\/p>\n

“Well…” Ben clasped his hands together. “Adam, I’ll pay you a good price for the meadows! You will make a real good profit…”<\/p>\n

“You don’t have to.” Adam didn’t return the look. “Just give them back to me once you’re done with them.”<\/p>\n

The smile fell from Ben’s face as he straightened out. “Son, I wouldn’t put one cow on this land if you really, really want it for yourself!”<\/p>\n

For the first time, Adam’s lips softened, even though the faint ghost fleeting past his features would barely amount to a smile. “What do you wanna do? Watch them starving on the open range? Or put them on one of the overgrazed pastures with the same result?” He saw the slight flicker in his father’s eyes and deep inside, he felt a tinge of satisfaction – only to immediately feel ashamed about it. “It’s alright… I’ll think about it. Maybe I’ll find something else, and if I need your help, I’ll let you know.”<\/p>\n

“Yeah…” Ben nodded his head, torn between relief and a strange feeling of regret. “I’ll never forget that, boy! And we’ll find a beautiful site for you, right at the lake! There are so many beautiful places at the shore, from which you’d have a wonderful view on the water!” He finally reached for Adam’s ignored glass and proffered it to him. “Here – let’s drink to this! And have a toast to our future!”<\/p>\n

Adam took the glass, but he couldn’t repeat the toast; he merely nodded to his father’s words. And the brandy suddenly tasted like gall.<\/p>\n

* * *<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

“Miss Lilyah? Another tea?”<\/p>\n

She looked up, more confused than anything else. This was the second time that Ben Cartwright had addressed her in such a friendly manner. “Yes, thank you, Mister Cartwright.” She lifted her cup and watched him pour in some tea. “Thank you.”<\/p>\n

“I hope you have enjoyed yourself today, riding the horses.”<\/p>\n

“Yes, Mister Cartwright, thank you.” She forced herself to a smile, even though she didn’t feel like smiling at all. It also came hard to her to concentrate on the silver-haired man or even look at him. Her whole attention was directed at Adam, who sat silent and barely ate anything. Ever since he had called her for dinner, she had the feeling like he wasn’t himself anymore. She searched his gaze, but he sat bowed over his plate, his eyes fixed on his meal.<\/p>\n

Ben gave up and was glad that Hoss took the conversation again to share his humorous account of delivering a load of lumber to a customer in Virginia City.<\/p>\n

“That feller’s plum crazy!” Hoss chewed through a mouthful. “There he is, wantin’ that big stable or whatever it was built right into his house and all four walls with windows in them so he can see the shrubs he’s gonna plant in there!”<\/p>\n

“Shrubs?” Ben asked with amusement.<\/p>\n

“Flowers or something! And then he wanted a pipe built right into it so some rain can come in to water them shrubs. Doggonit, some folks really have a few loose bolts up there!”<\/p>\n

Little Joe started laughing. “Hey, that would’ve been something for Adam! He also wanted to build a pipe into the house, you remember? That was when he came up with his weird bathroom plans!” Blubbering with glee, he looked around the table until his gaze fell on Lilyah. “He wanted to build a so called bathroom into the house, with a tub that had a hole in it. Course, Pa quickly put an end to that nonsense!”<\/p>\n

“That’s an old story, Joe,” Ben cut in, not very happy with the direction the conversation was taking. “Eat your dinner!”<\/p>\n

“A bathroom is nothing weird, Joe.” Lilyah regarded the youngest Cartwright with a slight smile. “I had one at home and it’s a very pleasant room to have.”<\/p>\n

“It’s rather unusual here in America.” Ben reached for one of the bowls. He had almost forgotten that one, which had resulted in a quite angry confrontation with his oldest son who had refused to accept that such luxuries had no place on a ranch. “And I’d think it’s not very common in your country, either.”<\/p>\n

“Water is sparse in my country, Mister Cartwright.” Her voice was very calm. “But people who have sufficient water love to have such a room. My grand-uncle Abu Mustafa even had a large swimming room in the basement of his house. The water basin was big enough for his favorite mare when she ruptured a ligament. He walked her into the water several times a day to help her heal and…”<\/p>\n

Joe burbled out with such frenzy that he almost spat out his last bite. “A horse bathroom! Hey Adam, that’s a challenge, isn’t it?”<\/p>\n

Hoss couldn’t keep from joining his cackling brother. “Dang, I can jest see the grasshopper sitting in the bath tub!”<\/p>\n

The brothers burst out laughing, but their laughing fit came to an abrupt halt when Adam put down his cup so harshly that it broke. “Excuse me.” He left his seat and literally stormed out of the house.<\/p>\n

Lilyah wordlessly got up and hurried after him.<\/p>\n

Joe exchanged a look with Hoss and both were about to also get up to go after their older brother.<\/p>\n

“Hoss! Joe!” Ben shook his head. “Let him go.”<\/p>\n

“Did we say anything wrong?” Joe searched Hoss’s eyes, as clueless as he was rueful.<\/p>\n

“Dadburn, Pa, it’s nothin’ like ol’ Adam to take our joshing that bad!”<\/p>\n

Ben heaved a deep breath and looked at his sons who had it written all over their faces that they were just burning to go after their brother. “Your brother has made a big sacrifice today.” His voice was serious. “You both know that we badly need the meadows at the northern shore of the lake for the new cattle we’ve bought. He wanted this land for himself and he bought it, but he gave it up when he heard that we need it. He gave it up for the wellbeing of the Ponderosa!”<\/p>\n

For a moment the brothers sat silent. “That wilderness?” Joe finally asked. “I mean, I know they both like being out there, but… I wouldn’t have thought…” He shrugged his shoulders.<\/p>\n

“Poor Adam…” Hoss mumbled.<\/p>\n

“He’ll get over it.” Ben looked from one to another. “And we’ll find him a beautiful place on the Ponderosa to build his house! A much better one than that remote spot in the wild! I understand that he wants something with view on the lake, so we’ll find him the most lovely lake view around!”<\/p>\n

“Hey, what about that little bay to the south?” Joe’s eyes lit up. “That’s the loveliest spot of all! That’s where I always take the gals!”<\/p>\n

Ben couldn’t help a smile. “I thought of that as well!” He pointed to the dishes. “Come on, let’s eat. Adam will be alright!”<\/p>\n

* * *<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

“Adam!” Lilyah saw him halting his step on his way to the barn and ran to catch up with him. “Adam, what is wrong?”<\/p>\n

Adam closed his eyes. He couldn’t face her… not now. He had to collect himself first.<\/p>\n

“Adam…” Her hands touched his arm, gliding over his shoulder. “Adam, what is it?”<\/p>\n

He fought to keep a calm and composed face. “It’s nothing, Lil. I… I just need to be alone for awhile.” He avoided her eyes and softly brushed off her hands, moving away from her. “I’ve got some thinking to do.”<\/p>\n

“Adam…” She went after him and reached for his arm again.<\/p>\n

“Lilyah,\u00a0please!<\/em>”<\/p>\n

She froze in place, withdrawing her hands, shocked by the turmoil that reflected in his voice. For one moment she caught the pained look in his eyes, before he turned to swiftly walk into the barn.<\/p>\n

Her eyes slowly filled with tears.<\/p>\n

* * *<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

44. When Hearts Explode\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

Adam lifted his head upon the soft knocking at his door, his brow moving in bewilderment. Such a light knocking, so shy, barely audible… He knew who it was, and he felt a wave of guilt welling up in him. He hadn’t even looked for her after he had so rudely brushed her off in the yard. He took a breath and went to open the door.<\/p>\n

Lilyah stood there in the dark hallway, so very small, her little hands clasped, her large eyes looking up to him from under long lashes, almost timidly – and yet strangely determined.<\/p>\n

“May I come in?” She didn’t wait for his answer, but gingerly passed him into his room, the silks of her garments softly rustling as she went by.<\/p>\n

“Uhm… err… yes…” Adam helplessly cleared his throat, saw her looking about his room and he suddenly felt like a little boy being caught in a big mess. Literally… His desk was littered with books, papers, maps, drawings, plans, sketches, the whole chaos extending across his bed and nightstand. The sideboard next to the window was buried under papers, the corner to the wall stuffed with rolled up maps. Not quite what anyone would ever expect from a man renowned for his sense of order and tidiness.<\/p>\n

“Err… wait…” He saw her approaching his desk and hastened to put some papers together, as in a futile attempt to quickly get some order into the muddle. A pile of sheets lost its balance and slipped to the floor. Abashed, he bowed to pick them up.<\/p>\n

“Oh, Adam!” Lilyah’s eyes were caught by the largest drawing spread on the desk, her face brightened in amazement. “This is an Arab house!”<\/p>\n

He came up with his hands full of papers. “Uhm… yes…” Clearing his throat again, he suddenly felt very shy. Inside, he was torn apart, between the discomfort of seeing her discovering all this, the urge to hastily hide everything, and the all-overwhelming desire to see the reaction in her eyes. How he had been looking forward to showing her these plans… but now? What sense would it make? And still, his eyes clung to hers. “You… like it?”<\/p>\n

“Adam, it’s wonderful…” She loved every detail of the drawing – the arcades, the doors and windows with their typical pointed Moorish horseshoe arches, the flat roof with its set back upper story and its balustraded terrace. He had even drawn plants and flowers into the sketch. “It’s so beautiful… it’s like home…” Her eyes were drawn to a detail on a second drawing, half covered by the one she was looking at. She pulled it out to see the backside of the Arab house, revealing it to be an L-shaped structure, with the parts of the L enclosing a yard richly grown with bushes and roses, shielded with walls against outside looks. “Oh, Adam… a women’s garden!”<\/p>\n

“Why, yes…” He had to clear his throat again, pinching the papers in his hands without really being aware of it. “Every decent house should have one…”<\/p>\n

“Oh…” She was at a loss for words as she looked up to his face, then scanning over the drawing again. “It has an outside staircase to the upstairs balustrade…”<\/p>\n

“Yes…” Adam forgot all the heavy thoughts, all doubt and hesitation faded into nothing. It almost was as if a subdued desire in him had seized control as he bowed over the desk, his finger following several lines on the drawing. “It leads to the bedrooms upstairs, and the bathroom next to them. So, when you’ve taken a bath and washed your hair, you have easy access to your wardrobes and the back yard – the women’s garden, that is, without having to go downstairs through the house. Just in case there are visitors, or maybe just if you want some privacy.”<\/p>\n

“Oh, Adam…” She was overwhelmed that he had even thought of it. “Adam, this is so beautiful… but… a bathroom in the upstairs?”<\/p>\n

“Yes.” He produced another map. “Look, here’s the first sketch for the ground-plan. The bathroom is right above the kitchen, so they actually both share the same pump, or rather the same well. They also share the same drainage pipe, for the used water going out of the house. I once saw that system implemented in a house in Boston and it worked like a charm.”<\/p>\n

“I never knew a pump could work in the upstairs.” Her eyes admired every detail of the sketch.<\/p>\n

A first small smile showed on his lips. “Lil, a pump is a pump. It pumps water from the bottom to the top, often from a hundred yards or more below, and four yards more or less don’t make much of a difference. The only downside here is that both pumps could not be operated at the same time without losing too much water pressure. But that’s something one can live with.”<\/p>\n

She nodded her head. How she loved it when he was so competently talking about things he knew so much about, his mind set on a goal, in a field he could excel in. He had so many talents and the sketches radiantly demonstrated his versatility – the adorable, almost romantic details in the drawings as opposed to the sober, technical lines of the ground-plan. The small numbers and measurings added to the picturesque drawings betrayed the architect as much as the lovely little vignettes aside the ground-plan revealed the artist. “Adam, it looks so beautiful… and this is the hearth?”<\/p>\n

“Yes…” His finger glided over the paper. “The great room, the dining room, and the study. It’s really a rather small house, but the advantage of this style is that we can always add an extension later on… if we need to…”<\/p>\n

Lilyah smiled to herself, and as much as she loved to look at the drawings, her eyes were equally lured to his large hands. His wonderful hands, with those beautiful long fingers, so strong and yet so sensitive – what marvelous things these beloved hands could create!<\/p>\n

“You probably should make the study a little bigger…” She took a glance at the crowded desk, the mess on the bed, and her eyes twinkled. “It seems you need a lot of space when working…”<\/p>\n

“Uhm…” He pulled a sheepish face and once again cleared his throat. Maybe she was right… he just rarely got the chance or the time to work like this.<\/p>\n

“Oh, Adam!” She pulled out another drawing, a corner of which had gotten unearthed when he had dug out the ground-plan. “Such beautiful stables! And the corral! And the pasture!”<\/p>\n

Adam froze, as if he suddenly woke up from a short dream to a cold reality. What was he doing? He had completely forgotten himself. Showing her all this as if he still could build it for her… He fought to relax his tensing features, looking for a way to stop this, take the drawings away, divert her attention somehow to something else, and yet he was glad that she was too absorbed with watching to look at him. He nearly grimaced.<\/p>\n

“Oh, this is so wonderful…” Lilyah had no more words to express how much she loved what she saw. The drawing showed the Arab house and the stables, residing against a couple of trees, facing an open yard from two adjacent sides. Light pencil strokes delineated a wide pasture or meadow around them, with small groups of trees and bushes scattered about, some woods in the background, and on one side, depicted with only a few ethereal lines, the shore of a larger water. She was about to voice her delight at the beautiful drawing when something stopped her. It was nothing she could define, see or hear, but it erased the smile from her face. It was like she could feel the sudden eruption of pain so close behind her. With a dark foreboding rising inside of her, she straightened and slowly turned around to him.<\/p>\n

For one moment Adam stood motionless, mute, not knowing what to say or what to do, feeling so terribly exposed and so helpless about it. The smile was gone from her face, her features serene, sympathetic, all too attentive, and her large dark eyes seemed to look all through him. Adam cringed inside. These large velvet eyes he loved so dearly, in which he used to drown so willingly – right now, the dark, knowing look that had locked with his was almost merciless in its penetration.<\/p>\n

Lilyah raised her hand, hesitantly, wanting nothing more than to comfort him, but something in his demeanour made her halt her hand midair. It was like her touch would make it even harder for him and the realization pained her.<\/p>\n

“I’m…” Adam abruptly turned to the desk. “I shouldn’t have shown them to you. They’re nothing but stupid day dreamings… I… couldn’t sleep last night and cooked them up. Sorry, if you…” He didn’t finish the sentence and hastily began to put the drawings and sketches together. He went about it in such flurry that one of the delicate parchments ripped. It was the front view of the Arab house and Lilyah fought down the lump in her throat.<\/p>\n

Adam took a deep breath and collected himself, applying more care now, but still anxious to let all the drawings disappear beneath books, sheets, blank pages. “Lil, I’m sorry if it looked… you must have thought…” He pulled himself together and added in a calmer tone, “I’m sorry if you’re disappointed.”<\/p>\n

“I’m not disappointed.” She cautiously touched his shoulder, saddened that he did not look at her. “And even if they are dreams, wouldn’t it be just as beautiful to dream together?”<\/p>\n

She saw the flickering in his eye and knew that once again, he wasn’t honest with her. And whatever it was that he kept behind, it was hurting him, and badly so. All this care and consideration that had been applied to those beautiful drawings – given Adam’s resolved and determined nature, he must have had a very distinct idea about the realization of his plans. But whatever it might have been, it must have been taken away from him, somewhere between the time he had drawn these plans and now, which didn’t leave too much of a timeframe. And now he stood there and tried what he could to not show he was hurting. She watched the movement of his brows, the working in his jaw, watched how his face became calm and collected. He must have had a lot of practice…<\/p>\n

“Lil…” He finally turned around to her. “There is no use in dreaming. You have to think practical, concentrate on what is within your reach, not dream away on castles made of sand.”<\/p>\n

“Wasn’t this ranch built on a dream? Your father’s dream?”<\/p>\n

His sensitive lips tensed, his brow bristled. “This ranch was built on work, Lil, on hard work. It took years of hard work to build, and it took sacrifices.”<\/p>\n

She looked in his eyes. “And it still does?”<\/p>\n

For a moment he seemed taken aback, then he visibly brushed it off. “Lilyah, this ranch is my home, the closest I’ve ever got to one. I have a responsibility here, I can’t just turn my back and walk away from it.”<\/p>\n

“Oh, don’t talk to me about responsibility!” she exclaimed. “Adam, what about your happiness?”<\/p>\n

“Lil…” He drew a breath and took her face in both hands. “Lil, I am happy! Whenever I look in your eyes, I’m the happiest man in the world!”<\/p>\n

Two little steep lines grew above the root of her nose. “Adam, you’re not honest with me. And it hurts me to see that you don’t trust me!”<\/p>\n

For a moment he didn’t quite know what to reply. His eyes began darting through the room, as if in hope for a glimpse on something that could somehow offer a clue what to do next. “Lil… Lil, it’s not that I don’t trust you…” He looked into her reproachful eyes, saw her fine brow furrowing, saw the little lines between them growing deeper and deeper. “Lil, I just don’t want you to worry about things that you couldn’t do anything about, anyway.” He caressed her cheeks, in a futile attempt to soften her scowl. “And I’ll build this house for you, I promise. There are a few difficulties right now, but I’ll build it one day….”<\/p>\n

“Adam, I’m not talking about any houses! I’m talking about you! You who will not let me look at your heart!”<\/p>\n

The situation became awkward, but he soldiered on. “Lilyah, that’s not true and you know it. Besides…” His gaze sank in hers. “If you want a look at my heart, look in your hands – because that’s where I’ve put it.” He took her hands and kissed the palms. “And leave the problems to me, will you?”<\/p>\n

She opened her mouth but didn’t get to reply as his lips touched hers. Without her wanting, her hands glided up his arms and shoulders, her body pressed to his, so willingly nestling into his embrace. She couldn’t resist caressing his neck and cheek, opening her mouth to his, for one moment allowing herself to get carried away in his passion and tenderness. But this wasn’t why she had come here in the first place. “Adam…”<\/p>\n

“Shsh…” His lips closed hers, gingerly kissing her mouth and then her nose. “Don’t…” he mumbled, his mouth close to her face, his breath warm on her skin. “I’ll take care of things, Lil… you trust me I’ll take care of things…”<\/p>\n

She raised her head to look in his eyes. “Of course I do, but…”<\/p>\n

“Hush!” A fine smile lingered in the corner of his mouth. “D’you know I was just looking on an essay I wrote when you came in, working on some changes… I never show any of my essays to anyone, not ever, but I want to show it to you…” His thumb brushed over her temple. “Would you like me to read it to you?”<\/p>\n

“Yes…” She returned his kiss and regretted it as he took his arms from her. Her heart struggled with division, for she felt that he was just glad to escape her pressing questions this way. He certainly needed the break, needed the chance to collect himself, but her own feelings were still burning inside of her. Of course, the prospect of hearing an essay written by him was an enticing lure. She knew some of his poems and songs, each one a cherished treasure she held dearly in her heart.<\/p>\n

Adam picked up a leather bound journal from his desk. “It was inspired by a poem of Wordsworth, one that touched me quite deeply. You’re familiar with the works of William Wordsworth?”<\/p>\n

She shook her head. He seemed much more relaxed now, his wonderful baritone already gaining in velvety resonance, as if heretofore preparing for a mesmerizing reading. And yet something did not seem right.<\/p>\n

“Then I better read it to you before we get to the essay, so you’ll know what it’s based on.” He went to his nightstand and took a small volume from it, glad for both the idea and the solution. She was not only a wonderful listener, she also loved his poetry reading and couldn’t get enough of it. It would divert her mind.<\/p>\n

“Sit down.” He gently motioned her to his desk chair and took his own seat on the bed, opposite her. “It is called ‘Salisbury Plain’, but of course we have enough plains around to fill it with imagery of our own soil. To me, it comes alive with the plains out here.” For the breadth of a heartbeat his hazel eyes sank in hers, before he paged through the volume and began his reading.<\/p>\n

“Hard is the life when naked and unhouzedAnd wasted by the long day’s fruitless pains,The hungry savage, ‘mid deep forests, rouzedBy storms, lies down at night on unknown plainsAnd lifts his head in fear, while famished trainsOf boars along the crashing forests prowl,And heard in darkness, as the rushing rainsPut out his watch-fire, bears contending growlAnd round his fenceless bed gaunt wolves in armies howl.<\/p>\n

Yet is he strong to suffer, and his mindEncounters all his evils unsubdued;For happier days since at the breast he pinedHe never knew, and when by foes pursuedWith life he scarce has reached the fortress rude,While with the war-song’s peal the valleys shake,What in those wild assemblies has he viewedBut men who all of his hard lot partake,Repose in the same fear, to the same toil awake.”<\/p>\n

Lilyah took a breath, trying to engage his gaze, but he didn’t look up. His eyes were glued to the pages. So unusual… He had recited sad poems to her before, even poems that had brought tears to her eyes, but never had he failed to watch her reaction; he used to look at her after every line, oftentimes with a knowing, compassionate twinkle in his eyes. But now he sat there crouched over the book, not looking at her even once. Even his voice seemed to have lost its usual passion of delivery, the connoisseur’s reverie in the art. It had ceased to shine somewhere along the first verse, betraying its speaker’s soul.<\/p>\n

“The thoughts which bow the kindly spirits downAnd break the springs of joy, their deadly weightDerive from memory of pleasures flownWhich haunts us in some sad reverse of fate,Or from reflection on the stateOf those who on the couch of Affluence restBy laughing Fortune’s sparkling cup elate,While we of comfort reft, by pain depressed,No other pillow know than Penury’s iron breast.<\/p>\n

Hence where…”<\/p>\n

“Adam, this is awful!” Lilyah could not hold it any longer, the words spluttered out before she knew it. “This is terrible! It’s depressive!”<\/p>\n

Adam looked up, slightly confused, even a bit offended. “Lil, I don’t think you can judge this poem after only three stanzas. There are 58 more to come…”<\/p>\n

“Fifty-eight?”<\/em>\u00a0She jumped up. “Fifty-eight more of those depressive verses?”<\/p>\n

Adam really didn’t know what to say. She never had reacted like this before, and he had read far longer poems to her.<\/p>\n

“Adam!” Her dark eyes seemed to implore him. “This sounds like the laments of a weary old man of eighty years or so, lambasting his sad life as if it were already over! But you are young, you shouldn’t have such notions in your heart!”<\/p>\n

He arched an eyebrow and looked at the volume. “In fact, Wordsworth wrote this in his twenties…”<\/p>\n

“Then maybe he got old before his time, but Adam, not you!\u00a0Not you!<\/em>” The words broke out of her, fervently, her small hands underlining every one. “Adam, you’re a young man of 34 years, you have all your life in front of you, you’re in love, you should be happy, you should be looking forward with bright eyes and a light heart, but all I can see around you are shadows, and that you’re hurting, and that you cannot do what you want to do, that something’s bogging you down, and you didn’t tell me the truth about the shooting, and you didn’t tell me the truth about those drawings, and…”<\/p>\n

“Lil… Lilyah!” He had risen to his feet, trying to stop her outburst. “Lil, I’ve told you not to worry…”<\/p>\n

“But I AM worried!!” Her voice skipped over and she had to clear her throat.<\/p>\n

“Shouting won’t help it, it only makes you cough.” He placed his hand on her shoulders, but she brushed them off, standing in front of him like a little boxer. She wanted answers and she wanted them\u00a0now.<\/em><\/p>\n

“Adam, when we looked at those drawings, there was a moment when you were so… so… relaxed, and secure… and confident… and then, all of a sudden, something hit you, and I don’t even know what it was. And…”<\/p>\n

“Lil…” His hands closed around her upper arms. There was a desperate plea behind the flaming storm in her eyes that touched him and filled him with pity. “Lil, it’s right that I probably didn’t tell you everything, but…” He searched for words. “Look, things don’t always work out as we want them to…” He bit his lower lip. Her dark eyes were glued to his face and he sensed that a few platitudes wouldn’t do. Anger rose inside of him, but it was not directed at her, rather at himself. She had every right to ask questions and demand him to provide for her comfort – it was his deficiency that he wasn’t able to. “I bought a piece of land, that’s true, but… it’s needed for some new cattle…” The words hung in the air and he feared that she would ask him if he hadn’t known this before he bought the land.<\/p>\n

“But you didn’t buy the cattle?” She remembered all too well how they had encountered the strays in the mountains, his explanation why this arid land wouldn’t tolerate such big herds.<\/p>\n

He twisted his lower lip. “No. But they’re there and we cannot let them go to waste.”<\/p>\n

“Then let’s go to some other piece of land.”<\/p>\n

Adam blew a humourless chuckle. “It’s not that easy. It takes money to buy land and I’m afraid… I don’t have it right now.” The last words were the hardest. They made him feel like a failure, like someone who had gambled away his future wife’s home and security.<\/p>\n

Lilyah swallowed the words that had jumped on her tongue. She knew too well that he wouldn’t want to hear anything about her jewelry, that it would only hurt his pride. “It doesn’t have to cost money. Adam, we can go anywhere! In the mountains, to our glade at the river, everywhere!”<\/p>\n

“Oh, come on!” His brow furrowed, but his tension eased. “You’d want a decent house, with a bathroom and a women’s garden, wouldn’t you?”<\/p>\n

She shook her head. “No. Adam, these things are nice to have, but they’re not essential. What I want is you being happy. And you’re not a man who ties his happiness on possessions.”<\/p>\n

“Lil!” He felt his discomfort vanishing, his upper hand returning. “You’re not really envisioning the two of us sitting in the woods like Old Grumpy and Walking Deer?”<\/p>\n

“Why not? You’ve been happier there than I’ve ever seen you here on this ranch!”<\/p>\n

“Lil, life is not solely about being happy.” He had begun walking back and forth, before he caught himself and assumed a more confident posture. “It’s about responsibility, about duty, and about filling your place in this world, being useful and of service for those who count on you.”<\/p>\n

“That’s what they teach in the mosque!” Lilyah retorted. “But my father always said that if Allah really wanted us to be like that, he’d turned us into sheep.” She saw the flinching in his eyes and regretted her words, spluttered out before she had given them any thought. But something was boiling inside of her. “Adam, there’s nothing wrong with responsibility, but not at your own expense! Adam…” She covered the few steps to him, got in front of him as he attempted to turn away. “Adam, you’ve got a heart that needs to sing, you’ve got a soul that needs to be free, you have your own life, your own dreams!”<\/p>\n

His look from under knitted brows was almost exasperated. “Oh, Lil, you’re a child!”<\/p>\n

“I’m not a child! I’m a woman, a woman who wants the man she loves to be happy! What’s childish about this?”<\/p>\n

He took a deep breath, trying with growing irritation to find the best way out of this predicament. “Lil, it’s late, and it’s been a long day…”<\/p>\n

“I’ve asked you a question!!” she flared up. The absolute last thing she could tolerate right now would be being brushed off with a ‘don’t worry’ once again.<\/p>\n

Adam nearly squirmed, chewing on his lower lip, giving her a look from the corner of his eye. So delicate she was, so sweet, small enough that he could probably lift her with one arm. And there she stood, squaring him off like her life depended on it. “Lilyah…” He chose his words carefully. “Of course there is nothing childish about wanting a loved one to be happy. But, as I told you, life is not always that easy, and sometimes, we are forced to make decisions that…” He broke off. His own words sounded hollow to him, ponderous and shallow, too shallow to even consider continuing. And the wound was still too fresh, the mere thought of the meadows still cut in his soul. Aware of the awkward silence in the room, he grappled his upper arms, desperately scouring for words, but the harder he tried to find any, the less success he had.<\/p>\n

Lilyah watched him, the lump in her throat getting bigger and bigger, her eyes filming with tears kept back. “Adam, let’s go to some other place, no matter how small or poor it might be. You’re so good at creating, at building, at planning, you could turn the smallest place into a paradise and the smallest cabin into a palace. We don’t need anything big or fancy, and we don’t need any money!”<\/p>\n

Adam shook his head, almost in despair, and yet he reached out for his best weapon to cover his increasing helplessness. “Well, we’d certainly need a cook.”<\/p>\n

“I can learn how to cook!”<\/p>\n

“Sure… I’m just not sure if I’d survive your learning.” It was an attempt at a joke, but he realized quite fast that it didn’t work. “Lil… you hopefully understand that I have some better things in mind for my future wife than a shack in the mountains. It’s my respon…”<\/p>\n

“Ooooh!”<\/em>\u00a0She stomped her foot in sudden anger. “Don’t you pile me on top of your responsibilities! Adam, I’d rather live in a cave with you and watch you growing a ten-foot beard and reading depressive poetry for the rest of your life before I see you unhappy and unfulfilled! Because that’s what you\u00a0are<\/em>! Adam, you’re\u00a0hurting<\/em>, and it hurts to see you hurting!” Her voice skipped and she had to cough.<\/p>\n

“Lil…” Adam raised his hands in a helpless gesture, torn between a storm of conflicting emotions. “Calm down, please…”<\/p>\n

“I\u00a0don’t want<\/em>\u00a0to calm down!” Her eyes flamed at him. “I want you to\u00a0hear<\/em>\u00a0me!”<\/p>\n

He opened his mouth to answer, but the words didn’t come. He just didn’t know what to say. A part of him refused to even understand what she was talking about, another blamed himself for not being able to give her what she wanted, for not being able to keep her happy and carefree. And why couldn’t she just understand that he had to work on a solution, on a way, on something that would be best for all? Unable to stand her flaming, desperate, even painful eyes, he turned half away. “Lilyah, I don’t think it makes any sense to continue this discussion. As I said, it’s late and I’m fairly tired. I’d suggest we go to sleep.”<\/p>\n

For a moment she stood silent, but then she raised her head and stubbornly stuck out her chin. “I think we should talk.”<\/p>\n

He still had his back turned to her. “Lil, please. Give me some time to think this through, and don’t you worry ab…” He flinched as the noise of a shattering glass sounded up behind him.<\/p>\n

“Don’t<\/em>\u00a0you tell me not to worry!!” She had to swallow down the tears, realizing that he wouldn’t talk, wouldn’t trust her, wouldn’t confide in her.<\/p>\n

Adam slowly came around, regarding her burning eyes and the pieces of his water glass on the floor at her feet. “Lil, smashing things around won’t exactly help anything, either.”<\/p>\n

“But at least it made you look at me!”<\/p>\n

His eyebrow climbed up. “Wrong.” He turned his back again and didn’t look when something else was slammed to the floor. “Lil, it’s of no…\u00a0ouch!<\/em>” He instinctively ducked before the next missile came flying, rubbing the back of his head where a small book had hit him. “Lilyah, this is getting ridiculous!”<\/p>\n

“Ridiculous?”<\/em>\u00a0Her dark eyes were shooting flashes at him.<\/p>\n

“Oh, yes, ridiculous!” He whirled around. “But alright, you go on smashing things around like a choleric little child, I’ll go sleep in the barn!” He stormed out of his room without looking back.<\/p>\n

“Oooh!” Lilyah wrapped her robes and took after him, catching up with him in the hallway. “Oh, no, you’re not going anywhere!” She grabbed his arm. “And don’t you\u00a0dare<\/em>\u00a0calling me a child again!”<\/p>\n

“Well, as long as you behave like a child, I’m afraid you’ll have to live with it!”<\/p>\n

“Who is the child here?” She clasped onto the collars of his shirt and clung to them with amazing strength, not letting go. “Who of us is running away now? Who is the one who cannot face the facts?”<\/p>\n

“Facts??” His hands grasped her wrists. “Who is the one who cannot understand the simple fact that life is not a rosy fairytale where one can sit in the grass all day smelling the flowers? Grow up, girl!”<\/p>\n

“And what does this growing up look like? Living on your knees, having your pride trampled and running off to the Indian Needle every couple of months to breathe?”<\/p>\n

Adam pulled back as if he had gotten a hit to the face. He literally ripped her hands from his shirt and turned around, heading for the staircase. Something in his eyes was burning.<\/p>\n

“ADAM!” She yelled his name, desperately, furiously grabbing for a bowl standing on a sideboard and smashing it after him. It shattered into a hundred pieces clattering down the stairs. “Adam! We need to talk about this!” She saw him hastening down the stairs and ran to catch up with him.\u00a0“Adam!”<\/em><\/p>\n

Neither of them were even aware of Ben, Hoss and Joe standing in front of the hearth, alerted, aghast, gaping.<\/p>\n

“Talk?”<\/em>\u00a0Adam stopped at the round table, his voice trembled. “You call this ‘talking’? But alright, I’ll give you one of your arguments!” He grabbed a vase from the table and smashed it at her feet. “Period!”<\/p>\n

She jumped backwards, her eyes round with shock.\u00a0“Oooh! You!!”<\/em>\u00a0Wildly looking about her, she snatched a bottle from the gun shelf and threw it at him. Adam ducked and the bottle crashed against Ben’s desk. Blind with rage and tears, she charged towards him, her small fists flying against him.<\/p>\n

Adam whirled around, raising his arm to fend her off. Whether it was her own movement or an unfortunate step on his part, his hand crashed straight into her face. The hit was so hard that it knocked her off her feet.<\/p>\n

Adam froze in place, his eyes widening in terror. “Lil…” He was unable to move, saw her lying on the floor and slowly turning around like in a blurred nightmare, saw her large tearing eyes staring at him in utter disbelief. “Lil…” He barely saw that Joe rushed to help her up, but he did see her scrambling onto her legs and blindly running out of the house.<\/p>\n

“LILYAH!” He took after her, only to run into his father.<\/p>\n

“Adam!” Ben seized him with both hands. “What’s gotten into you, hitting a woman? I don’t…”<\/p>\n

“GET OUT OF MY WAY!” Adam lashed out, not even realizing that the hands grabbing him from behind were Hoss’s. “Let me GO!” He whirled about, hitting and kicking at all sides, until he finally broke free and stormed out of the house, just in time to hear the sound of hooves galloping off. “LILYAH!!”<\/p>\n

“Pa, you alright?” Hoss helped his father back on his feet. “Dadburn, Pa, wha…” He didn’t know what to say.<\/p>\n

Ben brushed over his face, probing his hurting jaw, his eyes black with gloom and anger. “This woman…” He stared at the open door, embittered. “She’s poison! She’s pure poison for him!”<\/p>\n

Hoss and Joe exchanged an uncomfortable look.<\/p>\n

* * *<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

45. Moonlight Walk\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

“Lilyah!”<\/p>\n

Adam’s eyes darted all around him, straining to penetrate the darkness, the black shadows of trees and bushes melting into one another, in a night barely lit by a waning moon. The sound of hooves had faded and he couldn’t really be sure whether she had brought too much distance between them or if she was riding over softer ground. His hand holding onto Mariah’s crest, Adam motioned the unsaddled and unbridled mare to circle around, trying to ascertain which direction Lilyah might have taken.<\/p>\n

“Lilyah!”<\/em>\u00a0His calls got increasingly frantic as he rode towards the dark pines. It was more than half a mile from the ranch now and he didn’t even have his gun with him. In his desperate pursuit and his fight to break free from his father and brother, he had stormed out of the house to mount his mare right on the pasture without thinking. But there was no time to go back. He had to find her.<\/p>\n

“Lilyah!”<\/em><\/p>\n

Lilyah raised her head, tears still streaming down her face. The call seemed far away and yet she heard the anxiety in his voice, the fear, the pain, and also the self-reproach. Oh Allah, he must feel so bad now! The thought brought forth a new flood of tears. What had she done to him, driving him that far? Sobbing, she nudged Chai into a canter to ride towards him, almost having the stallion running into thick bushes barring what she thought was the way. Chai stopped abruptly, snorting in dismay at the barricade, and for a moment she had to fight to not slip from his unsaddled back. Turning the horse around, she looked for an exit from the dark trees surrounding her, but couldn’t see one. She couldn’t even remember which direction she had come from.<\/p>\n

“Adam!”<\/em><\/p>\n

Adam’s head flew around. Clicking his tongue, he urged Mariah towards the thick trees from which the call had come, as fast as the obscure ground allowed.<\/p>\n

“Lilyah! Lil, I’m here!”<\/p>\n

He heard the stallion more than he saw the black shadow breaking from under the trees. He rode up in a canter and jumped from Mariah’s back before the mare came to a halt, running towards Lilyah.<\/p>\n

“Oh, Adam, Adam…” She flew from Chai’s back and straight into Adam’s arms, clinging to him with all her strength, sobbing and crying. “Adam, I’m so sorry… I’m so sorry…”<\/p>\n

“Lil…” He closed his arms around her, pressing her to his chest as tightly as he possibly could, overwhelmed by the desperate force with which she clasped to him. Her fingernails literally dug into his shoulders, all through the shirt. All his fears that she might hate him for what he’d done started to crumble. “Lil, I didn’t mean it… can you ever forgive me?”<\/p>\n

“What?” She raised her head. “Adam, I’m so sorry for what I’ve said to you… for throwing things at you… for… for hurting you… oh…” A new wave of tears filled her eyes, her hand stroking over his face. “Adam…”<\/p>\n

“Lil, I didn’t mean to hit you… I just…”<\/p>\n

“You didn’t.” The pain in his voice cut into her heart. “Adam, you didn’t!”<\/p>\n

“Let me have a look.” He motioned her out of the shadows of the trees and turned her around so the dim moonlight could fall on her face. It didn’t help much to give him a better sight, but he did see the dark smear around her lips. “It’s bleeding…” He almost choked on the words.<\/p>\n

“I just bit my lip.” She wiped her mouth, angered at herself for not having thought of that earlier. Even in this dark she could see that he was agonizing. “Adam, it’s nothing.”<\/p>\n

He took out his handkerchief and carefully dabbed off the blood, drying her wet cheeks. “Does… it hurt?”<\/p>\n

“No.” It wasn’t exactly the truth, but she didn’t want to add to his pain. Boldly suppressing a hiss when he gently touched the bruise, she took the kerchief and turned away to blow her nose, trying her best to pull herself together. “Adam, it’s really nothing…”<\/p>\n

“I’m not so sure.” He turned her around to him, noticing full well that she inadvertently tried to avoid his touch to the hurt spot. “God… what kind of a man am I…”<\/p>\n

“You’re a\u00a0good<\/em>\u00a0man!” Alerted by the torment in his voice, she clasped his upper arms. “Adam, you’re a wonderful man! You’re the best man a woman could ever ask for! Adam, you’ve got the most precious heart, you’ve got angel eyes, reflecting your soul!”<\/p>\n

“Angel eyes!” He blew a mirthless laugh, the bitterness of which made her heart ache. “Those angel eyes nearly broke your jaw!”<\/p>\n

“Don’t exaggerate it. I’ve gotten worse bruises falling from Chai!” She saw his exasperated motion and cursed herself. Once again she had picked the wrong words, when all she wanted was to relieve him. “Adam, it was nothing but an unfortunate movement. An accident! There’s nothing you should blame yourself for!”<\/p>\n

“Lil, I… I\u00a0wanted<\/em>\u00a0to push you away!” He said it in a tone as if it were the most atrocious crime.<\/p>\n

A pained little laugh passed her face. “Who could blame you? I hurt you… I so badly hurt you…”<\/p>\n

“You only said the truth. A truth I didn’t want to hear.” He was not willing to forgive himself. “And I lost control. I just… lost control…” He broke off, closing his eyes.<\/p>\n

She moved closer to him, her hand softly brushing his cheek. “Maybe…” She hesitated, not wanting to say the wrong words again. “Adam, maybe there was something inside of you that didn’t want to be suppressed any longer. Something that needed to be heard, and you never listened to it. And so…” She broke off when he took a deep breath, but he didn’t say anything, nor did he avoid her touch. “Adam, you cannot bury your own spirit forever. It will fight to get to the surface, and if you don’t care for it, it will fight against you.”<\/p>\n

He shook his head, knitting his brow. “I’m not burying my spirit…”<\/p>\n

A sad and rueful little smile stole over her lips. “You are. You’ve buried it under so many duties and responsibilities and obligations that the poor thing cannot see the light of day anymore.”<\/p>\n

He wanted to protest her words, brush them off, refute them somehow, but he couldn’t. “That’s no excuse,” he finally said.<\/p>\n

“You don’t need any excuse.” She rose to her toes, cupping his face in her hands. “I told you it was just an accident. An unfortunate mishap. And if you want to place blame, you can divide it equally between both of us.” She pulled his head to hers and kissed him.<\/p>\n

Adam gingerly responded to the kiss, carefully avoiding the spot where she had been hit. A part of him wondered about himself, so willingly accepting the comfort, the solace, not even trying to pretend he wouldn’t need it. He pulled her closer to him, his hands softly stroking over her back, the soft fabrics of her gown, her long hair. She was the luxury he allowed himself to have. “We better cool that a bit…” His fingertips glided over the hurt spot without touching it. “There’s a little pond nearby, it should have cool water.”<\/p>\n

She nodded her head, glad that he didn’t seem to be that unforgiving towards himself anymore, that he at least accepted the comfort, and even more glad that he didn’t immediately opt for a return to the ranch. He certainly needed some peace and quiet to calm down his soul. Nestling into his warm embrace, she put her arm around his waist and let him walk her alongside the dark foliage. The horses followed, Mariah with her usual nonchalance, Chai running ahead for sensing the water. They heard him splashing around in it even before the shimmering surface of the pond peeled itself out of the darkness.<\/p>\n

Adam’s eyes cautiously glided across the calm meadow and the dark trees surrounding the place. There wasn’t a cloud in the starry night sky, yet the pale light of the waning moon didn’t do much to light up the scenery. Feeling insecure without his gun, Adam pondered the rationality of wandering around in the dark. While logic spoke against any snipers hovering about at that time of the night, since they wouldn’t have a way to know he was out there at all, there still was a risk for wolves or any other beasts of prey.<\/p>\n

“Sit here…” He gently motioned her to sit on a small grass-covered pile close to the water, took the handkerchief and went to wash and wet it. He casually noticed that the pond had shrunk to less than two thirds of its usual size, recalling that one of the small brooks feeding to it had dried out already by the end of spring. Even the pond’s extended banks, supposed to be muddy and moist, were dry and dusty until close to the receding waterline. The last time he had been here the water had been deep enough to swim in, now he saw the Arabian standing almost in the middle of it, barely wetting his belly.<\/p>\n

He covered the few steps back to Lilyah and crouched at her side. “Hold that against it for a while. It will hopefully prevent too much swelling.”<\/p>\n

“Thank you.” She carefully pressed the wet cloth against the side of her jaw and watched him sitting down next to her. He had hung his head, seemingly in thought, his face appearing dark in the dim light. Two little sorrowful lines had grown at the inside of his brows, yet his forehead remained largely smooth. He suddenly looked so soft to her, so vulnerable, so sad. “This is a beautiful place,” she tentatively began. “So calm and peaceful.”<\/p>\n

The ghost of a forlorn smile played around his lips as he lifted his eyes. “Yah…” He drew a deep breath. “Lil, I’m sorry for tonight. That you saw those drawings, and…” He twisted his lower lip, his brow began furrowing.<\/p>\n

“Adam, I’m so glad I saw them. For many reasons.”<\/p>\n

He cocked his head, but didn’t look at her. “Even if I cannot build this house for you any time soon?”<\/p>\n

“And if you’d need fifty years to build it, it’ll be fifty years of happily looking forward to. Adam…” She placed her hand on his arm. “Adam, you thought of me when you drew those plans! Can’t you understand how much that means to me?”<\/p>\n

His lips softened, one eyebrow climbed up in a tint of good-natured mockery. “Lilyah, I love you. It should be quite logical for me to think of you when planning a house for us.”<\/p>\n

“Could you just stop being\u00a0logical<\/em>\u00a0for a moment and see the\u00a0romantic<\/em>\u00a0side of it?”<\/p>\n

A wee little smirk stole over his lips as he gave her a sidelong glance. Lilyah’s heart warmed at the sight of this and her hand softly turned his face to her. Their lips met, tenderly caressing each other, so gingerly and light.<\/p>\n

“Keep that on.” Adam drew back and touched the kerchief. Noticing that it wasn’t cool anymore, he took it and got up. “Wait, I’ll rewet it.”<\/p>\n

Lilyah waited until he came back to lower himself beside her again, gently helping to apply the kerchief to her jaw. She saw the muscles working in his face and patiently waited for him to speak.<\/p>\n

“I had a place for this house,” he finally began. He did not look up. “I knew exactly where I wanted to build it. But I couldn’t keep the land…” He drew a deep breath and pressed his lips together before he continued, “Right now, I’m a bit at a loss what to do next. I can’t think of any other piece of land that would be just as perfect and as beautiful. And even if there were one, I wouldn’t have the means at the moment to get it.” He turned around, his gaze losing itself somewhere in the darkness surrounding the pond.<\/p>\n

She extended her hand, softly brushing over his neck and shoulder. “Adam, we don’t need much…” She saw his unwilling movement and added, “Not in the beginning. Remember what you told me about the Ponderosa. In the beginning, it was nothing but a ramshackle hut in the mountains. And look at it now. We can also start small.”<\/p>\n

Adam’s face darkened. He didn’t want to start small. Not with everybody looking down on her, not with his father’s queer looks upon her. She should have something to be proud of, to be able to hold her head high. She should have a beautiful place to live, a place where all this couldn’t touch her. But this wasn’t the only one of his worries. It would also have to be close to the Ponderosa – not too close, but close enough to reach the ranch within a day. “Seems like my father expects me to stay on the Ponderosa, as a good deal of the ranch business depends on me.” He knitted his brow. “And I guess he has every right to do so. After all, he did build it for his sons. It has been his dream ever since.”<\/p>\n

Her fingers quietly caressed his neck. “Adam, your father has three sons, but you have only one life.” She felt his flinch under her touch and waited, but he didn’t reply. “You want something for yourself, and you should go for it. You’re living your father’s dream right now, and you gave it so much, but it’s time for you to live your own dreams.”<\/p>\n

Adam pressed his lips together. “I sometimes think of going away…” He spoke slowly, hesitantly, as if he feared the words coming out, or maybe feared their effect. “Back east… I actually thought of that quite often. Go back and live there, somewhere near Boston…” He turned around to her. “Could you live there?”<\/p>\n

“Could you?”<\/p>\n

He creased his forehead. “I’d certainly enjoy the culture, the civilization. Theatres, operas, the society… I could work as an engineer, as an architect…” He regarded the fine smile around her lips. “You don’t think I’d be happy there?”<\/p>\n

“Sure you would – for about two months or so.” Her hand brushed over his cheek. “Adam, you love this land here. You love the mountains, the plains, the wild open spaces. You love the freedom it instills in you and the poetry you feel in it. You remember?” She lowered her head, smiling at him from under her lashes as she recited the verse he once had recited to her,\u00a0“And this, our life, exempt from public haunt, finds tongues in trees, books in the running brooks, sermons in stones, and good in everything.”<\/em><\/p>\n

“As you like it.”<\/em>\u00a0Adam returned her smile, his fingers fondly playing with her hair. “Yeah, I guess you’re right.” He softly kissed her forehead. “Lil, it might take awhile until I have this sorted out, I don’t know how long…” His smile faded.<\/p>\n

“You should take all the time you need and don’t rush anything.” Her lips touched his nose, his cheek. “Just promise you’ll take good care of your heart, your soul, your spirit.”<\/p>\n

An almost bashful little smile returned to his lips, lingering at the corners of his mouth. “I’ll do my best.” He got up on his feet and crouched beside her. “We better go back. It’s not really safe to walk this far from the house without a gun at night.”<\/p>\n

“Oh, we have Chai to protect us!”<\/p>\n

“Of course…” Adam pursed his lips and helped her to her feet.<\/p>\n

They walked the whole way back to the ranch house; slowly, arm in arm, not talking, silently taking solace in each others nearness. Their horses followed left and right.<\/p>\n

* * *<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam tensed when they reached the yard and saw the orange shine of light behind the study window. He knew his father was up and waiting and he tried to figure how long they had been gone. For one moment he felt like turning around, getting the horses from the pasture where they’d just brought them and riding off. He didn’t notice that his grip around Lilyah’s shoulders had tightened.<\/p>\n

Lilyah noticed it very well. She halted her step, trying to read his face in the dark, but Adam gently pressured her to move on. He didn’t say a word, but she heard him taking a deep breath.<\/p>\n

The door was opened just as Adam had reached out for the door knob.<\/p>\n

“Adam!” Ben Cartwright stood in the door frame, hat and gun belt on. “I was just about to look for you. You’ve left without your gun.”<\/p>\n

“I know.” Adam’s hand rested on Lilyah’s shoulder as he ushered her into the house.<\/p>\n

Ben put his hat back on the hook and unbuckled his gun belt. “I think we have to talk about what happened tonight.” There already was a growl in his dark voice.<\/p>\n

Adam was about to answer when Lilyah raised her head. “Mister Cartwright, it is very late, and Adam and I have already solved the matter.”<\/p>\n

“Miss Lilyah, with all due respect…”<\/p>\n

“I said the matter is solved!” She was shocked at her own audacity, but she propped out her chin, her dark eyes glowering. She could feel so intensely that Adam was vulnerable right now and she didn’t want him to get hurt any further. Standing very erect, she boldly returned Ben Cartwright’s stare, but it was nothing like she had expected. His glance on her was downright aghast, reluctant, with a trace of something bordering on pity. Then he looked at Adam, and his eyes became accusing.<\/p>\n

“Lilyah, go upstairs.” Adam touched her shoulder, standing behind her. “Please.”<\/p>\n

She turned around to him, wanting to protest, when she saw him flinch, saw the erupting pain in his eyes. It suddenly dawned in on her that her hurting face likely showed the traces of the blow and for a moment she felt like she wanted to sink in the ground. Her hand flew up to her veil, but it was a small indoor veil, not offering the width it needed to cover up. She wanted to bury her face into Adam’s chest, but with his father looking on, she didn’t move. And Adam… it was the first time after the incident that he saw her face in full light. His eyes had turned black with pain, and her heart flew out to him. But just her standing there made it so much worse for him now.<\/p>\n

“Go upstairs,” he repeated, in a painfully subdued voice. “Hop Sing should have refilled the water pitchers for the night, you should cool your face some more…” He broke off as if he’d run out of air.<\/p>\n

She wordlessly nodded her head, fighting back the tears. Everything inside of her revolted against parting from him now, letting him stand there on his own, all alone. If only he would give her one little sign that he would prefer her to stay, however small…<\/p>\n

“Please.” He gave her a very soft nudge to the staircase. “Go to sleep.”<\/p>\n

She finally gave in, reluctantly heading for the staircase. A part of her wanted to run to disappear from everybody’s view, another wanted nothing but to rush back to Adam’s side. With her tears starting to roll, she went upstairs, not looking back.<\/p>\n

Ben heaved a breath as he watched his son slowly proceeding to the hearth and stopping there, doubtlessly awaiting the inevitable. Slightly bowed forward, hands in his back pockets, his shoulders tensely pulled up, Adam didn’t move as his father drew closer.<\/p>\n

“Son, what’s gotten into you? Hitting a woman in the face like that?”<\/p>\n

Adam did not look up. “I didn’t mean to hit her.”<\/p>\n

“Adam, this is no excuse and you know it!” Ben tried to meet his son’s eye but Adam avoided the gaze, looking in the hearth with a brooding expression on his face. “What was this argument all about, anyway?”<\/p>\n

“Nothing.”<\/p>\n

“Nothing,” Ben echoed, shaking his head in exasperation. “So you’re lashing out at a woman for\u00a0nothing!<\/em>\u00a0Not to mention knocking your own father to the floor!”<\/p>\n

“I’m sorry.” Adam stood motionless, still not looking up.<\/p>\n

“You’re sorry!” Ben threw up his hands. “Son, feeling sorry afterwards doesn’t make anything unhappen! You ought to control your temper better than that! What kind of example do you think you’re setting for your younger brothers? Adam, I don’t know you anymore!” Ben waited for a reaction, but Adam neither moved, nor looked. He stood as if he had run cold, his face closed up. Even his knitted brow seemed to have frozen in place.<\/p>\n

“Oh, Adam!” Ben went to the sideboard and helped himself to a brandy, proffering the decanter to his son. Adam didn’t look. “Brandy?” Ben finally asked.<\/p>\n

“No, thanks.”<\/p>\n

Ben sighed inwardly. In spite of his anger he felt sorry for his son, knowing well that Adam was blaming himself enough for the incident. “Adam…” He searched for words. “Adam, we all know there are… different kinds of women in this world. Some are pleasant, they fit just so nicely into a man’s life, enriching it, complementing it, getting the best out of a man. Why, your mother was such a woman! Inger, too… and of course, Marie…” He paused, choosing his words carefully. “Other women… they have the ability to turn a man’s life upside down and inside out, get him to forget everything else, they… they probably don’t even mean badly, they might be charming and beguiling in their own right, but… they bring the worst out in a man.”<\/p>\n

Adam drew a breath. “Are you finished?”<\/p>\n

Ben’s face darkened. “Adam, it’s never too late for a man to admit a mistake. Don’t let your stubbornness get the better of you, boy!”<\/p>\n

Adam shifted his weight from one leg to the other, crossing his arms. “Regarding my meeting with Leon Vanderville tomorrow, I’m thinking of offering him a good discount with the timbering contract. I’d say 24 dollars per thousand board feet would be reasonable here. As I hold a decent share of his sulfur mines, it will not only beat out Fuller, but I’ll have my own advantage from it all the same.”<\/p>\n

“Adam!” For a moment Ben was thrown off track. “I don’t think we should skip this so lightly! You’ve hit a woman, something I never thought I’d ever see from you! Adam, son, if a woman can drive you so far as to…”<\/p>\n

“I don’t want to talk about it!” Adam snapped around, his eyes narrowed to slits, his voice a hiss, “I know myself it shouldn’t have happened, but it did happen and I can’t change it! Would you just leave it at that!”<\/p>\n

Ben was about to shoot a reply when Adam continued, “It’s late, and I want to start early tomorrow. I’d prefer to go to sleep! Just let me know if those 24 dollars are alright with you.” He had recovered his collected composure, looking into the hearth again.<\/p>\n

Something in his son’s demeanour warned Ben to not step any further. He could almost feel that Adam was close to his breaking point, that he was trembling beneath his outwardly controlled poise. Not quite ready to concentrate on an entirely different matter, Ben chewed on the words. “Twenty-four dollars…” He weighed his head. It was a low price, but Barney Fuller had snatched a lucrative contract from under Ben’s nose at 28 dollars per thousand board feet before. And since Adam held a share in Vanderville’s mine… “How big is your share, by the way?”<\/p>\n

“Sizable.” Adam pursed his lips. He might strike another deal with Vanderville, helping to recover his recent losses, become affluent again, have something in his hands again that he could offer Lilyah, so she would have something to look forward to.<\/p>\n

“Hm…” Ben nodded his head. It wasn’t exactly new that Adam kept his numerous businesses to himself and still he felt left out, maybe more so than ever before. It seemed like his son was drifting more and more away from him. Pressing his lips together, Ben scanned over Adam’s dark clad figure, turning his shoulder on him, standing so tense and tight as if he couldn’t wait to leave. His eyes wandered to the grandfather clock. It was long past midnight. Collecting his stance, Ben mustered a faint smile. “Yes… Yes, I think 24 dollars are alright.”<\/p>\n

“Good.” Adam turned to the staircase. “Good night.”<\/p>\n

“Will you… take the young lady with you on the ride to Falls Flat?”<\/p>\n

Adam halted his step on the first stair. “No. She should sleep long tomorrow, it was a hard day for her.”<\/p>\n

“Yes… good night, son.” Ben watched his son disappearing upstairs and turned to the sideboard to get himself another brandy. His thoughts were heavy. For the first time in years, he felt that he couldn’t protect his oldest boy, his first born.<\/p>\n

* * *<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

46. The Ride to Falls Flat\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

Lilyah moaned at her first look in the mirror this morning. The area around her right cheek and jaw was not only swollen, but showing ugly stains in a dark reddish violet, doubtlessly bound to turn black and blue in the upcoming days. Her fingers thoughtlessly probed for the bruised spots and she hissed at the touch. But worse than the pain was the thought of what Adam might feel upon seeing the mess. It would hurt him so much… For a moment, she just wished she could crawl back into bed and pull the covers over her head.<\/p>\n

Adam… Lilyah pressed her lips together. She had heard him coming upstairs last night, briefly halting his step when passing her door, but then he had gone to his room before she could decide to open her door. Having seen the reddish bruise in the mirror, she had hesitated, also because of the tears that had been flowing again after overhearing the confrontation from downstairs before. If it could be called that… She had not been able to make out any words, but she had heard enough to know that it had only been Ben Cartwright raising his voice. She had not heard any response from Adam. He must have been so distraught and she had not wanted to add to this by producing a bruised, teary face. She had hoped the spots would look much better in the morning. And now they looked even worse.<\/p>\n

Wearily brushing back her hair with her fingers, her eyes glided to the window. Brightest sunny daylight outside told her that she had slept far longer than she wanted. Adam must have been long up. Her eyes lost focus as a gnawing worry rose inside of her, an unsettling feeling bordering on fear. It was like a lump forming in her belly, chafing at her heart. The omen… She closed her eyes, trying to pull herself together. He most likely had just let her sleep, not wanting to awake her. He certainly was alright. She was just edgy because her long sleep had been marred by bad dreams, none of which she could exactly recall, but all had had something to do with Adam getting hurt, frightening her even after waking up. And a part of that fright still seemed to be lingering in the bright day, underlying, unidentifiable, still hampering her breathing. Adam…<\/p>\n

Lilyah jumped up and bowed over the bowl on the sideboard to wash herself. Rubbing over her face was painful, but she bit her teeth, her mind already churning around the best possible ways to hide the bruise. Aunt Fatima’s lavish boudoir would have come in handy now, with the aunt’s vast stock of make-up and all kinds of ochre creams. All that Lilyah carried with her was her kohl pot for the eyes and a small flacon of malachite coloring. She quickly got dressed and skimmed through her veils and head jewelry, finally opting for an elaborate Bedouin diadem. It had dangling golden trinkets with little almandine pearls, starting almost over her forehead, getting longer to the sides, effectively shading the cheeks and side jaws. Choosing two wide matching upper veils, she checked her appearance in the mirror, arranging the veils until she finally was satisfied. The outfit was well able to divert the looks from her bruised skin, and outside of the house she would just wear the niqab which completely veiled her face.<\/p>\n

She quickly slipped into her saffian boots and left the room, driven by the lingering fear.<\/p>\n

* * *<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

“Good morning, Miss Lilyah.” Ben Cartwright rose from the table and made a few steps towards her. “Adam asked me to let you know that he’s on a business trip to Falls Flat and won’t be back until after nightfall.”<\/p>\n

Lilyah halted in shock, before she nodded her head and hesitantly approached the table, feeling strangely numb. Hoss and Joe sat there over their breakfast and bid her a friendly morning greeting, but she failed to respond. Adam’s place was empty, not even any dishes were there, nothing that indicated his having been there at all. Somehow, this was hurtful to see and her bad feelings increased. He had not even said goodbye, not a word, not a kiss, nothing. If only she had opened her door last night… How long was he gone, anyway? She felt something like panic rising inside of her, wavering, the red and white patterns of the checkered tablecloth seemed to swim into one another.<\/p>\n

“Please, sit down.” Ben proffered a chair and scanned over her appearance, his brow darkening. All through the dangling silks and jewelries he still could see the discolored, swollen bruise on the side of her face. He felt genuinely sorry for her, his voice softened with pity. “Miss Lilyah, I can’t tell you how terribly sorry I am for what happened yesterday. I’m deeply ashamed of my son’s behav…”<\/p>\n

“You are WHAT??” She snapped around, her eyes flaming. “ASHAMED?? How\u00a0dare<\/em>\u00a0you say THAT?”<\/p>\n

Ben was completely taken aback by her outburst. “Miss L…”<\/p>\n

“Is that what you told him? That you’re ASHAMED? You, as his father? You, who should understand him, and support him, and be there for him when he needs you, no matter what, and comfort him, not trampling on his pride, not yelling at him, over and over again, but just be THERE, as ANY decent father would be? And you’re ASHAMED??” Her voice skipped over, close to shrieking, as all her bottled up emotions broke free. “You should be ashamed of YOURSELF!!”<\/p>\n

“Miss…” He extended his hands, but didn’t get any further.<\/p>\n

“AND DON’T you dare to TOUCH me!” She furiously pulled back and before he knew it, a bowl half filled with scrambled eggs crashed on his feet. “ASHAMED! Any good man in this world would be HONORED to have such a son and be PROUD of him! YES! PROUD!”<\/p>\n

“Now I…” Ben’s charge forward was stopped as the milk can shattered on his shin, causing him to inadvertantly jump backwards. “Miss…”<\/p>\n

“MY father would have been so proud of him!” Her face glowed. “MY father would have loved him!” She turned to head for the door, but then flew around again, whirling her robes around her, proudly throwing up her head that all the golden trinkets flurried, declaring with flaming eyes and the greatest fervor, “I’m going for a ride!”<\/p>\n

Ben stood dumbfounded in a puddle of milk, amidst pieces of cracked china and scrambled eggs, watching her storming out of the house like the living fury. The door crashed shut behind her. Somewhere in the back of his mind a memory of his long ago stay in the harbor of Algiers rose up, vaguely recalling that Arabs tended to be particularly touchy about all things concerning honor and shame. Swallowing, his gaze fell on his two sons who sat there crouched over their plates, with their noses almost hanging in the food, not daring to look up or even breathe. Ben cleared his throat and called for Hop Sing to clean up the mess.<\/p>\n

* * *<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

“Ho, Chai…” Lilyah slowed the stallion to a lighter gait, patting his neck as he covered the ground with wide strides. The gallop had been like ointment for her soul, the wind had cooled her heated face, she was much calmer now. Looking around herself, she tried to figure out where she was, when she saw a movement from the corner of her eye. It was a rider coming up far behind her and she brought Chai to a canter, swaying to a group of trees to hide. As soon as she had the bulk of the trees between the other rider and herself, she pulled up and turned in the saddle to have a look at the cowboy passing by a couple of furlongs away. She recognized him at once. It was the man Mariah had spooked from, Higgins was his name. He seemed to be in a great hurry, storming along in a gallop.<\/p>\n

Lilyah felt her fears coming back, all her worries, and the thought of Ben Cartwright and what he might think of her now sank into oblivion. Maybe this man was after Adam… Maybe Mariah had sensed something like that when she had spooked from him. Maybe his scent had reminded her of a danger, or her instinct had told her that this man wanted to harm her master. And Adam was most likely alone, both his brothers were at home. Her sudden nervousness caused Chai to dance, but she held him short until the cowboy almost disappeared at the horizon. She would have no problems keeping up with the man. His horse was a plump and short-legged animal, and to top it off, slightly lame on one hindleg. It didn’t seem to bother the cowboy much, as he kept kicking the poor thing along with not much mercy.<\/p>\n

“Barbarians!” Lilyah muttered under her breath, nudging Chai into a light canter, changing into a trot as soon as she came too close to the cowboy. The landscape around her became more and more barren, with only few shrubs and trees scattered about, beginning to resemble a savannah. It offered less and less cover for her and forced her to keep a larger distance, but the cloud of dust whirled up by the plump horse was well visible even after the cowboy was out of her view. Maybe the man was just on some harmless errand, maybe all her worries were baseless. But her fears kept growing and growing, and she kept following him.<\/p>\n

* * *<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Jed Higgins grinned as he detected the man he had been looking for. As if he hadn’t known it that he would find him here, on the bluffs overlooking the dusty desert road below, most likely on his way to assure himself that his plans worked out. “Howdy!” he called out and rode up to him. “Got news fer you, but couldn’t get away any earlier!”<\/p>\n

“News?”<\/p>\n

“Yep!” Higgins pushed back his hat. “Adam Cartwright’s underway to Falls Flat alright, but he ain’t alone. His old man ordered Bannings to ride with him, reckon he’s worried sumthin’ might happen to his boy!”<\/p>\n

“That’s not exactly news, and no reason to come here. You’ve already informed me yesterday!”<\/p>\n

“Wha?” Higgins pulled a gruff face. “How coulda done that? Old man Cartwright sent Bannings along just this morning, I didn’t know that yesterday.” He shifted in the saddle. “Thought ya oughta know that, it might change your plans, now that the bastard isn’t alone. Bannings’s a tough one, he might be a problem!”<\/p>\n

“Well, I don’t think so.” A self-satisfied smile played around the other man’s lips. “I’ve already taken into account the possibility that Adam wouldn’t ride alone, and I’ve taken appropriate measures. And, first and foremost, I’ve got the right people to get the job done. He’s dead already! No, not dead…” He giggled. “He’ll be dying. Slowly. Painfully. Piece by piece, and it will take hours and hours and more hours!” His face broke into a wide beam. “And he’ll never know why, until the very last moment when his eyes will break!”<\/p>\n

“Yeah, sure…” Higgins gave him a queer look. “If you ask me, you’d better shoot him right away, instead of…” He broke off when the smiling face in front of him suddenly changed to a furious scowl.<\/p>\n

“I certainly don’t need\u00a0you<\/em>\u00a0to tell me what to do!” The man’s voice got sharp and shrill.<\/p>\n

“No, Sir…” Higgins pulled in his head, but shot a miffed look. “But I think that information ’bout Bannings is still worth some pay. Took some risk to get here, like always, and I rode like hell to get it to you in time.”<\/p>\n

“Of course.” A cheerful smile spread over the other rider’s face. “My good faithful Higgins! I sure wouldn’t have known what to do without you all this time.”<\/p>\n

“Aww…” Higgins grinned. He had long gotten used to this feller’s sudden mood swings. Quite unsettling at times, but the pay sure was worth it. “You’re always welcome, whenever you need me.”<\/p>\n

“Oh, I’m sure I’d be.” The smile intensified. “Just too bad that after Adam’s death, I won’t need you anymore.”<\/p>\n

Higgins’ brow furrowed, but he didn’t get to ponder what those words might mean. The movement of the other’s hand was too fast for him to grasp, the bullet hit his head before he understood what was happening. He fell from his horse and landed backwards on the gound, an expression of dumbfounded bewilderment frozen on his face.<\/p>\n

“Idiot.” The murderer shoved his gun back in its holster. “You didn’t even notice you were followed.”<\/p>\n

He cautiously motioned his horse towards the underbrush, careful to keep hidden behind the dried up bushes. He had spotted the veiled woman on the black horse just a moment ago, only after shooting Higgins, alerted by the rapid movement of her hiding behind a couple of boulders. His hand glided to his rifle and for a moment he contemplated the idea to shoot her as soon as she would leave her cover. But she was a bit out of his shooting range, and what would be the fun of it, with Adam not around anymore to mourn her? An amused smile stole over his face. It probably would be quite entertaining to watch how Ben Cartwright would deal with his son’s unappreciated leftovers.<\/p>\n

He yanked his horse around and kicked it into a gallop.<\/p>\n

* * *<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Lilyah literally crouched on Chai’s back, scarcely daring to breathe. Her first instinct after hearing the shot had been to throw the stallion around and run, but she couldn’t leave. What had this man shot at… or,\u00a0who<\/em>\u00a0had he shot at? Maybe it was Adam… the thought caused her blood to freeze. Maybe he was wounded, needed help… maybe… she couldn’t think the unthinkable. Fighting against tears, she motioned Chai out of the cover and slowly trotted to the place from where she had heard the shot. If only she had taken the bow along, she would feel much safer with it. But she only had her dagger and the sabre. Her hand probed for the latter, but she couldn’t decide to take the weapon. She didn’t like using it on horseback – she had tried to practice a charge once and had almost cut Chai’s neck. Only Allah’s smiling grace had prevented that she injured the stallion, but merely cut off some of his mane. In all honesty, she never had been any good in using it at all. Taking a deep breath and fighting down the doubts, she opted for the smaller dagger instead and hid it under the wide veil, her hand clutched around the shaft.<\/p>\n

The first thing she found was the plump horse, standing around alone and forgotten. The man called Higgins lay a few yards apart, a hole in his forehead and a rather dumb expression on his face. His death must have struck him by utmost surprise, his empty eyes stared in the brownish foliage above him as if he couldn’t believe what he saw.<\/p>\n

Lilyah felt almost guilty for the tremendous relief in her heart and at the same time her anxiety returned. Her eyes fearfully scanning the surrounding, she slowly circled the place. Chai seemed relaxed and she gradually regained her calm. Nonetheless it took a long time until she finally dared to dismount.<\/p>\n

“Poor thing…” She approached the plump horse and unbuckled the girth, after noticing with dismay how tight it was, with the leathers almost cutting into the belly. Not even trying to lift the heavy saddle, she pulled at it to let it fall to the ground and proceeded to take off the bridle with the massive curb bit. The horse stood still, favoring its right hind hoof. Lilyah took a deep breath and fought with herself for a while, but then she checked on the hoof. The horse patiently let her have it and she frowned. The poor thing probably hadn’t had its hooves cleaned out for ages. She started to scratch some of the dirt out with her fingers to detect a swollen and bruised sole.<\/p>\n

“Proper care of horses…” she grumbled, thinking of Ben Cartwright’s words. If any of her father’s men would ever have dared to mishandle a horse like this, the sheikh would have turned into Sheytan himself. She let the hoof go and straightened out, gazing at Chai to see if there was any danger. The stallion stood calm and still. Lilyah pressed her lips together and fought down her restlessness, her desire to ride on. It would only take a few minutes She should spare as much, for Allah’s sake…<\/p>\n

She got the hoof pick out of her saddle bag and quickly started to clean the worst out of the hooves, glad that the plump horse was willing and peaceful and didn’t cause the slightest trouble. It either was extremely good-natured or hopelessly broken. The lame hoof had a lot of debris stuck between sole and shoe, taking it out would hopefully ease the horse’s pain. “That’s all I can do for you, poor thing…” She brushed over the horse’s head. “You go home, maybe you’re lucky to run into someone with a heart. They’re not all barbarians.”<\/p>\n

Making a wide bow around the dead man, she returned to Chai and mounted, glad to leave the ghastly place behind. There was but one burning thought in her mind. She had to find Adam.<\/p>\n

* * *<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

“Certainly.” Adam did his best to keep up a politely interested face, maintaining the impression he was actually entertained by his companion’s raunchy tales. Ed Bannings was a good man, honest to the bones, a hard and solid worker, but the sheer endless recollections of his amorous adventures with full-bosomed, fat-bottomed, well-rounded and comely saloon girls began tearing on Adam’s nerves. They all sounded the same, they all started with Bannings riding into town, entering a saloon, and spotting the gal…<\/p>\n

“… and there she was! What a gal! Full-bosomed, fat-bottomed, well-rounded, and so comely to look at, Dolly the name, and a handful she was, if you know what I mean…”<\/p>\n

“Certainly.” Adam ran a short estimation of how many saloons the area had, with how many saloon girls in them, since it seemed that Bannings had a story to tell about each one, in tedious repetition of the pattern. Merely the name changed with each new version, and at times even that was the same. It was a long ride to Falls Flat.<\/p>\n

Adam’s eyes wandered across the barren flatland to their left, bordering on the alkali desert to the northeast. For the first time since three years the thought of this desert didn’t arouse haunting feelings in him; the hot, dust-powdered wind coming from the depths of this dead land didn’t seem to sing a threnody. Right now, the sheer endless plains seemed downright alluring, evoking the wish to shake Mariah’s reins and let the big mare fly. He should have taken Lilyah along, she would have enjoyed a little race… The smile that had formed on Adam’s lips faded. Why had he not asked her? Knowing her, nothing could have stood between her and a ride, she would have loved to come along. Her demeanor at the pond last night had shown that she wouldn’t need much to recover from the blow to her face. Her dear small face, delicate, fragile little features… Adam pressed his lips together. It was certain that the bruise looked bad by now and he wasn’t sure if he could stand the sight, knowing that it had been his hand that caused it.<\/p>\n

“… and then I saw her!” Bannings had kept on jabbering with no pause. “Aw, what a gal! Full-bosomed, fat-bottomed, well-rounded, and so comely to look at, Rosie the name, and a handful she was, if you know what I mean…”<\/p>\n

A shot rang through the air, echoing from the rocky hills to their right side, causing Mariah to throw up her head and Banning’s horse to spook. Adam reached for his gun and saw from the corner of his eyes that Bannings did the same. A sharp click in their backs caused them both to freeze mid-movement.<\/p>\n

“Good!” A mocking voice sounded from behind. “You learn fast. It might be a fun game, after all.”<\/p>\n

Adam slowly turned his head and watched the speaker from slit eyes. He could not have been the one who had fired the gun, as the shot had come from their right side. He hadn’t finished the thought when three more men appeared.<\/p>\n

“Comancheros!” Bannings spluttered out.<\/p>\n

“Ah, no!” The mocking voice chuckled. “Just a small party of wandering adventurers. Diego, their guns!”<\/p>\n

A sturdy man dismounted and went to fetch both rifles and the guns from Adam and Bannings. They did not offer any resistance. It would have been futile.<\/p>\n

“What do you want?” Adam scanned over the four men. Bannings’ guess certainly was plausible, even though something about them didn’t remind him of ordinary road raiders. They rather looked like hired guns.<\/p>\n

“Ah, just a little fun!” The mocking voice seemed to drip with glee. His features were surprisingly pleasant, but his eyes cold as dead ash. “And the money it pays!”<\/p>\n

“Nobody pays us for that one!” A moody looking figure pointed his chin at Ed Bannings.<\/p>\n

“That’s right.” Mocking Voice motioned his horse a few steps forward to have a long look at Bannings. “You can go!”<\/p>\n

Bannings cocked his head, an almost contemptuous grin on his face. “You either have both of us, or none.”<\/p>\n

Adam became increasingly alerted. A part of him wanted to urge Bannings to use the chance and ride, yet another warned that the comancheros wouldn’t let the cowboy go so easily. Squinting his eyes, he tried to ascertain from the four faces what they might be up to.<\/p>\n

“You’ll go!” The mocking voice laughed. “Albeit not on horseback. Get off that horse!”<\/p>\n

It made sense. On foot, Bannings would need hours to get to the next settlement, which in this case was Falls Flat. Hours that would give the bandits time to get to whatever place they saw fit. Seeing that Bannings still wasn’t willing to go, Adam nodded his head.<\/p>\n

“They want me, Bannings. No need for you to get into this.” He slightly turned his head as one of the comancheros appeared beside him, pointing his gun at him at close range, the hammer cocked. The man called Diego rode up to his other side and produced a rope.<\/p>\n

“Hands behind your back!”<\/p>\n

Adam obliged, not even flinching when his hands were tied. He saw Mariah’s ears rotating and felt her tension beneath him. His eyes turned darker when Diego took his lasso and placed the noose around his neck, keeping the rest of the rope rolled up in his hands.<\/p>\n

“Just to make sure you’ll keep your calm.” Mocking Voice grinned at him, then turned his attention to Bannings. “And you get off that horse and walk. Now!”<\/p>\n

Bannings hesitated for one more second, but then he dismounted. He might go for help, get a fresh horse at Falls Flat and alert the Cartwrights. He gave Adam a short nod and turned to walk into the northern direction.<\/p>\n

“Not that way!” Mocking Voice pointed to the southeast, straight into the flatlands. “That way!”<\/p>\n

Bannings shot him a look and reached for his canteen.<\/p>\n

“No water!”<\/p>\n

“Come on!” Adam couldn’t hold it. “Let him at least take some wa…” His words were cut off off as Diego yanked the lasso, nearly dragging him from the saddle. Choking, Adam tried to keep his balance, glad that Mariah did a swift sidestep into the direction he slipped, preventing him from falling. The mare snorted, but didn’t stomp, as if she knew that her rider was handicapped.<\/p>\n

Bannings finally started walking into the pointed direction, not looking back. The comancheros sat and watched, almost keenly, as if there were no more interesting sight than a man walking away. A minute passed by, and another one, with no one saying a word, until Bannings was about a couple of hundred yards away. A small smile formed on the smooth face of the man with the mocking voice.<\/p>\n

Adam’s neckhair bristled, something hit him like a shock even before he saw the man pulling his rifle from the scabbard. “BANNINGS! WATCH…” The rope was yanked again, and this time nothing prevented him from being hauled off Mariah’s back. Just as he crashed on the ground, the shot rang up.<\/p>\n

“Your fault, Cartwright,” the mocking voice said. “I just wanted to hit his leg, but it seems I’ve hit his behind instead.”<\/p>\n

The men started roaring with laughter, two of them kicked their horses into a canter to ride after Bannings. Diego jumped from his horse and kicked Adam repeatedly in the side, just as he was struggling to get on his feet. Several more shots were fired. Adam rolled around, trying to somehow ease the tension of the noose around his neck while trying to dodge the kicks, when Diego’s boot kicked into his stomach, knocking the wind out of him. Gasping, he fought for air, hearing the laughter and voices around him only as fragments wavering through the buzzing in his head.<\/p>\n

“Bury the corpse!” the mocking voice ordered. “No need for anyone to stumble upon it.”<\/p>\n

* * *<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

47. Struggle\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

“You’re doing well so far.” The man with the mocking voice halted his horse and turned around to Adam. He sounded rather displeased. “Very well indeed…”<\/p>\n

Adam did not respond. He had twice tried to ask what they wanted from him and who had paid them for this, and twice the answer had been a brutal yank at the lasso. Right now, the noose around his neck was uncomfortably tight, hampering his breathing. Keeping his balance in the saddle with his hands tied on his back wasn’t easy, either, especially not in a trot. He was glad for Mariah’s soft and calm gait and he couldn’t help the impression that the mare treaded particular lightly, as if she knew that she helped him with it. Her trot had always been smooth, but it seemed even smoother now.<\/p>\n

“I wonder how you’d do in a gallop.” Mocking Voice pursed his lips. “In a real fast gallop!”<\/p>\n

“Shall we try?” Diego eagerly made himself heard. He not only held the end of the lasso, but also Mariah’s reins.<\/p>\n

“Hm…” Mocking Voice pulled a thoughtful face. “He might break his neck in a gallop. That would be bad, for it would ruin the game and rob us from a load of money.” A small smile formed around his mouth. “Give some more yards to that rope, Diego, and let go of the reins!”<\/p>\n

Adam tensed. Something in the man’s words, and even more in his smile, indicated that he was up to nothing good. A cruel streak in the suave face with the neatly clipped pencil moustache reminded him of a depraved child, ready to pull out the wings of a fly.<\/p>\n

Mocking Voice snickered while his hand glided down to the side of his saddle. “Let’s see how good a rider you really are!” And with a lightning fast movement, he produced a long bull whip.<\/p>\n

Before Adam could even react, the whip cracked through the air, hitting Mariah’s face. The mare gave a horrified snort and backed away, but she didn’t buck, rather tried to make herself flat and keep her back stiff. Mocking Voice laughed and raised the whip again. Adam did not hesitate one moment, but threw himself from the saddle, yelling to chase the mare away. “RAAH!”<\/p>\n

His yell was painfully choked off when Diego pulled at the rope, kicking his own horse in motion to drag his helpless victim behind. And still Adam caught a glimpse of Mariah’s rushing hooves right next to him, carefully avoiding hitting him as she ran off.<\/p>\n

Diego halted his horse after a few yards, but Adam was left no time to recover. He was still fighting for breath as the bull whip cracked down on him, again and again and again. He tried to roll over, tried to avoid the worst blows, but Diego kept the rope tensed, pulling at it whenever Adam managed to crouch, forcing him to stretch out again. Adam felt his lungs cramping in desperate need for air, the droning sound in his head became louder and louder while his consciousness began to fade. The harsh blows of the whip scarcely managed to tear through his beginning numbness anymore.<\/p>\n

And then it was over. He barely realized that Mocking Voice had jumped from his horse, barely felt the fingers loosening the noose around his neck. Retching and coughing, he gulped in the much needed air. He tried to roll on his side, but a rude hand hauled him back, a knee was pressed on his lower ribs.<\/p>\n

“You’re not as intelligent as I thought,” the mocking voice scoffed. “Why, the point would’ve been to see how long you could last on a bucking horse. And you just spoilt it!”<\/p>\n

Adam tried to clear his perception, tried to get the buzzing out of his head. He lay flat on his back, his weight sorely pressing on his bound arms, and now the hitherto numbed pain of the whip cracks set in. Straining to keep his face unmoved, he looked up to the man crouching above him.<\/p>\n

“I’ve heard you’re a man of good education,” the mocking voice continued, in a tone as if they were having some light-hearted conversation. “As such, you really should’ve known how to play along gamely. Alas, you chose not to.” His fingers began tugging at Adam’s shirt, ripped over the chest by a blow of the whip. A cracked and bloodied welt showed beneath it, from one side of the chest to the other. “And I think you’ll have to learn some rules, or else we won’t have much fun later on.” He tore the shirt open and exposed the wound in its full length. “And since neither intelligence nor education seem to be sufficiently available to learn something in your case, we’ll have to find some other methods.” He took the bull whip and slowly started chafing the coarse shaft across the wound, from side to side, again and again.<\/p>\n

Adam pressed his teeth together, fighting to keep his face under control, not wanting to give his tormentor the satisfaction of showing his pain.<\/p>\n

“Naughty boy! But I’ll get you.” Mocking Voice rubbed the bloodied shaft across Adam’s lips. “Animals learn by pain, and I guess that’s how you will learn as well!”<\/p>\n

Adam’s eyes turned black, and for a moment the sight of the suave face with the pencil moustache above him blurred and another face appeared in place of it. An older face, haggard, white hair, a cold, mad stare. Adam closed his eyes, unable to prevent the shiver running through him.<\/p>\n

“Oh, good!” the mocking voice chuckled. “But, alas, not good enough!” His fist crashed into Adam’s abdomen, causing him to vault from the exploding pain. “But we’re getting there. By the end of this day, you’ll be begging to get shot!”<\/p>\n

“Like the last one!” Diego started laughing, the two others joined in.<\/p>\n

Mocking Voice smacked his lips and got up, tipping the sole of his boot against Adam’s cheek, moving it back and forth, before he pressed it down on his throat. With a thin smile on his lips he cracked the bull whip again, hitting across the wound on the chest. Adam flinched under the hit, choking under the boot.<\/p>\n

“Get him back in the saddle!” Mocking Voice ordered. “And catch that chestnut! That horse will bring us some nice extra money!”<\/p>\n

They didn’t have to ride far to catch Mariah. The mare had returned by herself, stopping a mere fifty yards from the group, anxiously looking for her master. She didn’t offer any resistance when one of the comancheros grabbed her reins to lead her back, even though her ears kept rotating nervously and her eyes were rolling.<\/p>\n

* * *<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Lilyah halted Chai and helplessly looked around herself. She had no idea where she was, and while she had been so sure that her chosen course would get her back to the Ponderosa, the landscape seemed completely unknown. She could not remember ever having been here with Adam. The barren wasteland stretched all around her and no matter which way she gazed, it all looked the same. She felt a notion of panic rising in her, but she was also aware that her being lost could not be the reason for it. She had water enough, a reliable horse, the sun didn’t bother her, and she knew how to survive even in a real desert. Her own safety was of no concern, no reason to worry.<\/p>\n

But she couldn’t find Adam, and the thought that she just\u00a0had<\/em>\u00a0to find him grew more and more imperative, the longer she was underway. The mere thought of him made her heart cramp and choked her breathing. Pressing her lips together, she tried to calm herself down, lest her anxiety would reflect on the stallion. Absent-mindedly stroking over his full mane, she straightened her seat. Allah would show her the way.<\/p>\n

“Go, boy!” She nudged Chai into a light gait, not knowing where her way would lead her; a lonesome figure lost in the wide plains.<\/p>\n

* * *<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam tensed as the first building of Falls Flat came into his vision. It was the livery stable, a large, decrepit barn located half a mile outside of the settlement, providing the mules for the sulfur mines. From here, the rest of Falls Flat was barely visible, when the town wasn’t much more than an arbitrary collection of tents and cabins, housing the workers for the mines, almost disappearing under thick layers of greyish alkali dust the desert winds kept on blowing across the area. The only decent construction in that sorry encampment was the building of Vanderville’s Mining Company, and that was more than a mile away. It was not very likely that the comancheros would parade their captive through the village, it was rather a surprise that they didn’t mind taking him to the livery stable. But they did just that.<\/p>\n

Concentrating on not slipping from Bannings’ horse on which he was seated, Adam tried to sit out the trot to the stable. His whole body was aching, his wrists were numb from his futile attempts to loosen the ties. He was on his guard, scanning the area, waiting for the owner of the livery stable to appear. This man was his best chance, if not his only hope.<\/p>\n

“Wilson! Hey, Wilson!” Mocking Voice reined in his horse. “Where are you?”<\/p>\n

A fat, bow-legged man came out of the barn, adorned with a knee-length leather apron. His face darkened upon seeing his visitors. Adam did not get a closer look at him, for as soon the horses halted, Diego rudely yanked at the lasso. Adam fought to stay in the saddle but it was to no avail. He fell and landed hard on his shoulder, struggling to breathe.<\/p>\n

“You’ve got spunk to drag your toys here!” Wilson shook his head. “What if there would’ve been a customer around?”<\/p>\n

“Then you would’ve had one less customer now!” Mocking Voice dismounted. “Got two horses for you! Four hundred dollars for both, including the saddles!”<\/p>\n

“Four hundred?<\/em>\u00a0You’ve been too long in the sun, eh?”<\/p>\n

“Look at the chestnut! That one’s alone worth more than double as much!”<\/p>\n

The stable owner started as he scanned over the big mare, and for a moment his eyes started glittering before he got his control back and pulled a business-like face. “Good horse, but I ain’t got that much money. Can’t give you more than two hundred!”<\/p>\n

“Three hundred!”<\/p>\n

“Two hundred and fifty!”<\/p>\n

Mocking Voice started laughing. “Wilson, Wilson, you milk the pigeons where you find them, huh? But alright. Two hundred and fifty, plus fresh horses for the four of us and supplies!”<\/p>\n

“Deal!” Wilson grinned and approached the mare, now barely concealing his excitement over the purchase. “You know where to find everything!”<\/p>\n

“Sure!” Mocking Voice turned around to Adam who had just managed to get back on his feet. “Oh, you’re wondering why we need only four fresh horses? That’s easily answered! You’ll walk!”<\/p>\n

Adam’s face stayed blank, not revealing any emotion. “So why all the hassle? You could’ve done that before.”<\/p>\n

Mocking Voice pursed his lips in scoffing amusement. “You’ll walk a little longer!”<\/p>\n

His three cahoots started laughing. Mocking Voice stepped closer to Adam, so close that their faces were a mere hand breadth apart, patted his cheek – and then yanked up his knee. Adam doubled over, gasping for breath, barely keeping himself on his feet. Mocking Voice hammered both his fists into his neck. Adam broke on his knees as a second kick hit him in the same spot. His eyes tearing with the pain, he fell over.<\/p>\n

“Another little thing for you to learn.” Mocking Voice crouched beside him. “I don’t like anybody pestering me with impertinent questions. You talk only when you’re asked!” Getting up and straightening out again, he turned to his companions. “Get him behind the barn – just in case someone passes by. And make sure he’s appropriately secured!”<\/p>\n

Adam was still fighting to overcome the waves of pain welling through his body when two of the men grabbed his arms and dragged him behind the barn. He heard the whinny of a horse and the cracking of a whip, but he could not see that Mariah gave the stable owner a hard time getting her into his corral, that it took the help of both Mocking Voice and one of his comancheros to force her in.<\/p>\n

“We’ll leave him here,” Diego said. The men thrust Adam to the ground next to a fence, face down, then forced his hands that were still bound on his back upwards to tie them to the fence pole, so high that his arms were sorely stretched and his chest almost lifted from the ground. It was a painful strain on his shoulders. He involuntarily tried to pull up his legs, to somehow lessen the burden, when the men wrapped the end of the lasso around his ankles, jerking them back and tying them to the next post.<\/p>\n

“Try and sleep some, you’ll need your strength!” Diego scoffed and both men laughed as they walked away.<\/p>\n

Adam tried in vain to ease the tormenting position, but soon gave up any attempt at it as every movement strained his shoulders even more, and the pain from the vicious kicks still wavered through his body. Several of the whip cracks had bled and attracted a lot of flies from the nearby dunghill, but after a while even the slightest shiver to shake them off caused spasms in his shoulders. His thoughts churned around one and the same question – who had hired these men, and what were they up to? Why all this depraved, senseless fuss? If someone wanted him dead, it could’ve long been done. Something inside of him balked at the realization that he had simply fallen into the hands of a warped sadist. And still, one word the mocking voice had used kept echoing in his mind, agonizing him more than any physical pain –\u00a0a game<\/em>. Adam groaned as long suppressed memories erupted, year-old wounds began to bleed inside.<\/p>\n

* * *<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

It took more than an hour before he heard footsteps coming close.<\/p>\n

“Well, we’re ready for our little journey!” Mocking Voice sounded downright cheerful. “And since you’ve been such a good boy to stay nicely in place and not holler around, I think you deserve a reward.” He bowed down and scratched Adam’s neck as if he were petting a dog. Adam shivered at the touch before he had himself under control again.<\/p>\n

“Cut him loose, Diego. And take off that rope!”<\/p>\n

Adam felt that his ties were cut, the rope removed. His first attempts to move his cramped and burning arms sent a sharp pain through his shoulders, but he gritted his teeth and forced himself to endure it. He slowly turned his head and saw two pair of boots standing there – Mocking Voice and Diego. Only two. Adam collected himself, turned on his side and painstakingly clambered to his knees. For a moment he remained in his kneeling position, hanging his head, gathering his strength, weighing his chances. He had but one.<\/p>\n

“What do you think, Diego? Should we allow him some water before we start? He seems a little…” He didn’t get any further.<\/p>\n

Adam charged forward, ramming his head into Diego’s stomach, before flying around and crashing both fists against Mocking Voice’s head. Both men fell, taken completely by surprise. Diego was the first to recover, throwing himself at Adam and tearing him to the ground. Adam snapped around, crashing his fist in Diego’s face. He felt that his blows were weak and uncoordinated, his muscles still stiff and sore from the endured torture, but he fought with the wild despair of a man realizing that he had only this one last chance. He gradually overpowered the bigger and sturdier man, until he landed a last blow that sent Diego crashing against the wall of the barn. Rolling his eyes, the comanchero slumped to the ground. Adam had no time to catch a breath when he sensed the charge from behind. Whirling about himself, he shot his fist into Mocking Voice’s face. The man was thrown backwards and fell.<\/p>\n

Barely able to calm his ragged breathing, Adam fell on his knees, his eyes darting from one man to the other. Diego was out cold, Mocking Voice groaned and obviously had difficulties getting up. Pulling himself together, Adam scrambled on his legs, trying to chase away the dizziness, trying to clear his vision. He had to run. Now. But he still needed another moment to recover, both hands on his knees to prevent himself from falling over.<\/p>\n

His head flew up when a man came around the corner of the barn. It was Wilson, the stable owner. For one moment their eyes met. Adam drew a breath, still figuring out what to say, what to ask, what to offer, when Wilson grabbed a piece of wood and started yelling. “Hey! Come quick! He’s loose!”<\/p>\n

Adam backed away, but it was too late. The wood crashed against his head and the world went black.<\/p>\n

* * *<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

He came to in a splash of water, only gradually realizing that he was inside a barn, his hands tied above him to a beam, his feet barely touching the ground. His eyes narrowed as he tensed, inwardly preparing for whatever might be coming.<\/p>\n

“I hope you’ll understand that I cannot possibly let your behavior pass unpunished.” The mocking voice had lost nothing of his mockery, the false compassion in his words ringing with vile sarcasm. “Of course, I can’t really blame you. I’ve been slack, and like all animals you just followed your primitive instincts. But, as I’ve told you before, you’ll have to learn, and you will learn. You’re not the first wild animal that I’ve trained.” He gleefully let his bull whip crack through the air.<\/p>\n

Suppressed laughter sounded up behind them, and Adam felt his blood starting to boil. He knew it was a mistake, but he couldn’t suppress the words. “Get it over with and stop the jabbering.”<\/p>\n

The suave face lost its sneer, and even the voice wasn’t mocking anymore. “You’ll regret this!”<\/p>\n

Adam did not reply, he just turned his head and looked at the man. For a long while their eyes locked. Mocking Voice glared and stared, glowered as threateningly as even possible, his face gradually heating up, twitching. Adam’s glance stayed calm and cold, almost contemptuous. The hazel eyes did not flicker, his face showed no emotion whatsoever. It was a look that reduced Mocking Voice to his naked self, a look that the vile man could not stand any longer. He abruptly turned away, feeling defeated.<\/p>\n

Adam knew it was a hollow victory for which he would have to pay dearly, but for one precious moment he had erased that unbearable feeling of being the mere object of a depraved game. And it was worth it.<\/p>\n

The bull whip cracked up, hurled in a blaze of raging anger, cutting through the air like a knife. Adam flinched at the impact, gnashing his teeth to suppress the pain, pressing his lips shut, determined to not give a sound. The whip struck again and again, like a wild, vicious monster, like the multiple fangs of the horrible Scylla biting into its victim. Mocking Voice worked himself into a frenzy, his face distorted to a grimace, hell bent to break the pride that had mocked him, to destroy the superiority that offended him, to shatter the dignity that belittled him. He had broken many men, killed their spirits long before he had killed their bodies; he would break that one as well.<\/p>\n

Adam fought a lonely, exhausting battle, biting his lips until they bled, cramping up in his desperate attempts to keep his body from jerking, struggling to keep the excruciating pain from drowning out his thinking. He didn’t want to writhe, didn’t want to groan, and he didn’t want to scream like an animal in pain, giving this depraved lunatic the satisfaction he so obviously craved. Grimacing and holding his breath until his vision blurred, Adam fought for his dignity, his humanity, his pride.<\/p>\n

But his body betrayed him, his tortured nerves and muscles revolted against the stubborn restraints of an increasingly faltering mind. The agony he tried to fight down broke loose, crushing the last remains of his self-control, releasing itself in wild, unrestricted screams.<\/p>\n

Mocking Voice started laughing, almost hysterically. His arm with the whip was hurting, but his eyes glittered in triumph as he lashed out one more time, as hard as he possibly could. He finally rested the whip, breathing hard like a man who had just absolved something big and important. “Cut him loose!”<\/p>\n

Adam barely felt the impact as he slumped to the ground, trying to catch his breath, trying to fight the darkness that threatened to bury him beneath it, trying to force his eyes to pierce through the fog of wavering bloody clouds before them.<\/p>\n

“Well, well…” Mocking Voice slowly walked around him. “Now look at you! Seems you’ve lost quite a lot of your arrogance!” Pursing his lips, he let the bloodied leather of the whip trickle across the lying body, chuckling as he saw the shiver it produced. “Aw, I wouldn’t hit you now, would I?” He laughed. “I guess I would!” The whip cracked down, tearing across a ridge that had already started to bleed.<\/p>\n

Something in Adam exploded as he snapped around, trying to grab for the boots of the man that was swinging a whip at him, beating him like one wouldn’t beat a dog. But his charge was doomed from the beginning, his burning body couldn’t muster the strength anymore, he couldn’t even get on his knees, he barely could control his limbs. While his hands managed to grasp at the boots, Mocking Voice had no problem freeing himself, kicking against Adam’s chest to shove him off.<\/p>\n

“You’re really stupid, aren’t you?” He kicked Adam in the side. “You really don’t learn anything. Such a thick, stubborn animal!” He kicked him in the abdomen, and then cracked the whip at the curled up body once again.<\/p>\n

“If you go on like this, he’ll never make it to Bitter Springs,” a dry voice said.<\/p>\n

“Is he supposed to make it there at all?” Diego asked. “That guy wanted him dead, didn’t he?”<\/p>\n

“Dying, not dead,” a third voice chimed in. “But then, I honestly couldn’t figure out what exactly that weird young fop wanted, anyway. Some confused feller, that…”<\/p>\n

The man with the mocking voice straightened out. “Mister<\/em>\u00a0Hatfield asked us for an artful operation that requires intelligence, ability and skill! And given the very stately sum he pays, he deserves at least our respect – even from those whose intellect isn’t up to fully comprehending the truly delicate finesse of his wishes.” He gave a little, self-satisfied laugh. “Every imbecile can\u00a0kill<\/em>\u00a0a man, but\u00a0breaking<\/em>\u00a0a man is an art! And you can trust me that I know what I’m doing. This is all part of our little game, and we’ll deliver this creature in exactly the shape that our valued customer demanded!”<\/p>\n

“…and wasn’t man enough to do himself,” the dry voice wryly remarked. “Wasn’t even man enough to give his real name without some pressing.”<\/p>\n

Mocking Voice chuckled. “Well, some things just require a… specialist!”<\/p>\n

Adam’s face strained as he tried to process the information he’d heard, yet his half unconscious mind wasn’t in any shape to focus or concentrate, leaving the fragments drifting through his cognizance as confusing puzzle pieces that made no sense at all.<\/p>\n

“Get him ready!”<\/p>\n

Still engulfed in agonizing pain and his perception shattered to fragments, Adam did not offer any resistance as he was hauled to his knees. His hands were tied in front of him and two lariats tightly wrapped around his upper chest. For a moment he caught a glimpse of Diego’s grin as the comanchero took great effort to pull his lariat as taut as possible, tensing the rope until it almost cut into the skin. Adam slumped into a crouch. He had problems keeping himself upright even on his knees. Somewhere in between the ringing hisses in his head, the sound of horses being readied and mounted seeped into his consciousness.<\/p>\n

“You’d better avoid the road and start from behind the corral.” Wilson made himself heard. “While all the folks are in the mines right now, you’ll never know who’s out there.”<\/p>\n

“Yeah, right.” Mocking Voice answered.<\/p>\n

Adam slowly moved his head as the lariats tensed, tearing at him from both sides, pulling him up from his crouched position until he was upright on his knees. His eyes glided to his right where one of the comancheros dallied the end of his lariat to his saddlehorn. The second lariat led to Adam’s left side, ending in the hands of a grinning Diego. Adam’s eyes darkened as it gradually occured to him what was coming up.<\/p>\n

“Well, we’re ready to go!” Mocking Voice stepped in front of him and grinned. He had not mounted his horse yet. “I’m sure you will enjoy our little journey. It appears to me you’re just in the right condition now to finally learn something!” Ugly laughter from his companions followed his words.<\/p>\n

Adam’s eyes narrowed as he laboriously lifted his head to look into that suave face he had come to hate. His tied hands unconsciously balled to fists.<\/p>\n

“Tsk tsk.” Mocking Voice shook his head. “You still don’t know how to properly look at a superior, do you?” He slapped Adam in the face with the flat hand, several times.<\/p>\n

Adam summoned his last strength for a desperate, futile strive to break free, bucking against the restricting ropes, digging his heels into the ground to thrust himself up.<\/p>\n

“You’re beginning to be some real fun.” Mocking Voice laughed and turned away to mount his horse. “But you’d better save your strength! You’ve got a long way before you – and you’re sure eager to survive and meet the man who paid for your… well… our little game. A really generous man.”<\/p>\n

Adam closed his eyes as he slumped back to his knees. The pain was still chawing across his body, scraping and burning, but he finally managed to breathe through the waves of drowse that hampered his thinking and kept him from catching as much as a fuzzied thought. His gaze fell on his legs. While his shirt had been ripped to shreds, the pants had largely withstood the lashes of the whip, even though Mocking Voice had violently lashed out for his legs, to the point that Adam felt they must have been torn off. The sight of the nearly undamaged pants bore a seed of hope, something his tortured mind grabbed for with all it’s got. It seemed to reassure him that his wounds were not as bad as they felt, that he wasn’t as broken as the agony had suggested, that he still could fight if he got a chance. A new wave of dizziness threatened to drown out his consciousness, but he clung to this one thought. Fight…<\/p>\n

“Come on!” Mocking Voice laughed as he turned his horse. “It’s a wonderful day for a walk!”<\/p>\n

Adam did not move, he did not look up. The sneering and snickering of the comancheros barely reached his ear.<\/p>\n

Mocking Voice cocked his head. “You can have it both ways, bastard. Either you walk – or get dragged!” He chortled. “Show him!”<\/p>\n

The two comancheros rode on, nudging their horses into a trot as soon as they were out of the barn. Adam was yanked forward, losing his balance, dragged behind.<\/p>\n

Mocking Voice burst out laughing and followed.<\/p>\n

Wilson had but one look at the leaving troupe, then took the broom and began sweeping across the dusty, straw-covered ground of his barn to remove the traces of blood, allthewhile whistling a little tune. He loathed the comancheros, but they often brought quite good business his way. That chestnut mare, for example, was worth a fortune and would bring him a real good bunch of money.<\/p>\n

Outside, Mariah ran circles in the corral, riling up all other animals in it, stretching her head to gaze over the high fence, half rearing up, watching the riders disappear with her master. Her sad whinny was heartbreaking.<\/p>\n

* * *<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

48. Fear\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

Lilyah stiffened as she spotted the two riders in the distance. Her natural instinct told her to turn Chai and run, especially in the light of the incident earlier this day. But after circling the barren lands for hours without getting anywhere, she was desperate. Her fears had mounted to overwhelming proportions, and at one moment, even thinking of Adam had caused her to burst into tears. Something was wrong, something was terribly wrong.<\/p>\n

After hastily brushing over her eyes and fastening the face veil, she motioned Chai forward to approach the two riders. They most likely were harmless travelers whom she could ask for the way. And yet she pulled out the dagger and hid it under the main veil, just in case. Covering the few furlongs remaining in a fast canter, she pulled up Chai in front of them.<\/p>\n

Clem Foster halted his horse and gaped, taking in the truly extraordinary sight. Had Sheriff Coffee not told him about the exotic houseguest of the Cartwrights, he doubtlessly would have thought he was experiencing a mirage after riding through the heat for too long. It took him a second before he minded his manners and tipped his hat. “Miss…”<\/p>\n

“Howdy, Miss Lilyah!” His young companion turned around to him. “Miss Lilyah is a guest on the Ponderosa!” And turning to Lilyah, “I’m Bill Morley, Miss. I work for the Cartwrights. I recognize your horse!”<\/p>\n

“Clem Foster, Ma’am.” Foster tipped his hat again.<\/p>\n

“Oh…” Lilyah relaxed, stealthily stashing the dagger away in its hidden sheath. “I am very glad to meet someone. I’m afraid I’ve lost my way.”<\/p>\n

“Lost your way…” Foster repeated and forced himself to keep a casual face. It was a bit unusual to talk to a lady from which nothing could be seen but the eyes, and even those were shaded by dangling trinkets. A bit unsettling all the same, even though there certainly wasn’t any danger of her robbing a stagecoach or anything. The uncommon horse with its outlandish, tassle-decorated tack was also a sight to behold. Amazing the stallion could even look through his thick, long forelock. “Lady, the Ponderosa is almost five hours away from here.”<\/p>\n

“I’m looking for a town called Falls Flat.”<\/p>\n

“We’re headed for Alkali Flats!” Bill Morley spluttered out. “Falls Flat’s on the way! You can come with us! It’s less than an hour!”<\/p>\n

Lilyah breathed a sigh of relief. Finally! Forcing herself to keep her calm, she toned down her voice. “I’d be grateful.”<\/p>\n

Foster pushed back his hat. “Falls Flat’s hardly a place for a lady. It’s not even a real town, more of a mining camp.”<\/p>\n

She hesitated. “How far is it from the Ponderosa?”<\/p>\n

“Why, about four hours, on a fast horse.”<\/p>\n

Lilyah furrowed her brow. According to Ben Cartwright, Adam wasn’t expected to return from Falls Flat until after nightfall. The sun was still at its highest in the sky. Odds were that he still was there. She felt something cramping inside and fought to not let it reflect in her voice. “I’d like to ride to this place. I’d be grateful if I could accompany you on the way.”<\/p>\n

There was not much that Clem Foster could say against it, and so they continued on their way together. Lilyah barely paid any attention to her company and Bill Morley’s attempts at conversation resulted in failure. Her mind was solely churning around Adam. Maybe all her fears were in vain, maybe he would be peacefully sitting with some people and talking about business. Maybe he would laugh at her. He certainly would be surprised to see her. She tried to figure his amazed look, his eyes, his… the fears jumped her like a wild animal and she couldn’t suppress a moan.<\/p>\n

“Miss?” Clem Foster rode closer up, looking concerned. “You alright?”<\/p>\n

Lilyah’s cheeks blushed beneath the veil as she realized that she had given such treacherous sound. Recollecting her composure, she nodded her head. “Certainly.”<\/p>\n

She kept her distance now, inwardly cursing them for not riding faster. She had the distinct feeling that time was costly.<\/p>\n

* * *<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

A loud whinny cut through the air, just as they had reached the first building of Falls Flat. It was an excited, a calling whinny. And it didn’t stop.<\/p>\n

Lilyah’s heart made a leap as she saw Chai raising his head to answer the call. It was clear that he had recognized the other horse which must have gathered his scent from afar since it was nowhere to be seen. Chai neighed again and the unseen horse replied, even more excited than before.<\/p>\n

“Mariah!” Lilyah’s eyes flew to the big barn on their right, nudging the stallion into a canter. As soon as she had crossed the wide yard in front of it and passed the main building, she could see the corral behind the barn, and among the mules and horses in it one very well-known chestnut mare. “Mariah!” She rode up to the corral. Mariah excitedly fidgeted around at the fence, giving an almost desperate and still greatly joyful nicker.<\/p>\n

“Mariah…” Lilyah’s smile fell from her face as the saw the bloodied welt on the mare’s face, reaching down to her soft muzzle. It must be hours old, as the blood had long dried to a crusty grit. She bowed forward to softly pet the mare’s head. “What happened…?”<\/p>\n

“Who are you?” The fat stable owner had stepped out of his barn, trying to wise up on that strange appearance in his yard. His anger at an intruder sniffing around at his not so public backyard faded as quickly as it had flared up. The black horse certainly wasn’t a cheap one, either. The rider could afford an expensive mount. “You’re interested in buying that horse?”<\/p>\n

Lilyah turned in the saddle. “Where is the owner of this horse?”<\/p>\n

Wilson took a moment to overcome his bewilderment at seeing the completely veiled face. “I am the owner. As said, it’s for sale.”<\/p>\n

“You’re lying!” Her eyes flamed up.<\/p>\n

“What’s going on here?” Clem Foster had followed her. It certainly was none of his businesses, but this stable owner didn’t look particular trustworthy and he would feel uncomfortable leaving the lady alone before he had made sure that she was cared for.<\/p>\n

“Lady’s looking at my horses!” Wilson squinted his eyes. The deputy’s star on Foster’s shirt wasn’t much to his liking.<\/p>\n

“Your<\/em>\u00a0horses?” Lilyah snapped. “This mare is not yours!”<\/p>\n

“That’s Adam Cartwright’s horse!” Bill Morley had also ridden into the yard.<\/p>\n

Wilson’s eyes darted from one to another, his mind seeking for a way out of this. “I don’t know who he was. He sold me that horse! I paid $250 for it!”<\/p>\n

“He’d never sell Mariah!” Lilyah’s voice revealed her tears.\u00a0“Never!”<\/em><\/p>\n

“I reckon you’ve got a bill of sale.” Clem Foster dismounted.<\/p>\n

“Yeah, sure, wait, I’ll show you!” Wilson began scrambling in his pockets beneath the apron, aware of the deputy’s eyes, aware of the hand poising above the holster. But of course, he\u00a0had<\/em>\u00a0a bill of sale!<\/p>\n

“He’d\u00a0never<\/em>\u00a0sell Mariah!” Lilyah was close to screaming. Something had happened. She just\u00a0knew<\/em>\u00a0that something had happened. Chai began to get restless and started stomping, catching on his mistress’s nervousness.<\/p>\n

“Lady, please, we’ll get to the bottom of this.” Foster tried a reassuring smile. One thing that always made his job harder than necessary were agitated and upset women, getting hysterical, starting to shriek and not helping in any way. He took a piece of paper from Wilson’s hand and scanned over it. “Bill of sale for a chestnut mare, alright. But I can’t really read the signature – it’s just a scribble.”<\/p>\n

“He was kinda in a hurry,” Wilson explained.<\/p>\n

“What did he look like?” Foster’s gaze rested on the big chestnut mare. An exceptionally classy horse, and one that no one would sell so easily.<\/p>\n

Wilson shrugged his shoulders. “Tall… dark. Clad in black. I didn’t really look at him; had my eyes on the horse.”<\/p>\n

“Are you\u00a0deaf?<\/em>” Lilyah was about to lose her nerves. She tried to pull herself together, feeling too well that the men simply didn’t take her seriously. But her insides were screaming. “I told you he’d never sell her!\u00a0Never, never, never!!<\/em>\u00a0Not in a thousand years!”<\/p>\n

“Ma’am, please.” Foster gave her an exasperated look and turned to the stable owner. “Why did he sell her?”<\/p>\n

“She went lame. He needed a fresh one.” Wilson kept his stance. “Can I have my bill back?”<\/p>\n

Clem Foster pursed his lips. “Sure… after Sheriff Coffee has had a look at it.”<\/p>\n

Wilson pulled back. “What? What for? You don’t believe me? Horses go lame all the time, and people exchange them for fresh ones all the time. That’s what livery stables are for!”<\/p>\n

“Sure.” Foster nodded his head and stored the bill in his pocket. “And I can believe he left his horse here when needing a fresh one. But I cannot believe he sold it to you. You faked the bill of sale and hoped to make a good cut before he returned, right?”<\/p>\n

Lilyah did not listen any longer, but slid from Chai’s back and climbed into the corral. She shortly probed over Mariah’s legs before she took a strand of the mare’s mane and led her around. “She’s not lame!” She climbed back out, her hands balling to fists. “You can look for yourself! She’s not lame! And Adam wouldn’t leave her here!” Her eyes glowered as she approached Wilson. “You’re lying! Every word you said is a LIE!”<\/p>\n

“Ma’am, please.” Foster tried to be patient. “I can promise you that Sheriff Coffee will have a very close look at the matter.”<\/p>\n

“She was lame!” Wilson protested. “Got a stone in her hoof; I pulled it out and it was alright!”<\/p>\n

“You better saddle a horse,” Foster retorted dryly. “I’ll take you to Virginia City and there you can tell the whole story to Sheriff Coffee. Maybe you’re lucky and he’ll recognize the signature of Adam Cartwright. He should, he’s a good friend of the family.”<\/p>\n

“Well, as I said, he was in a hurry.” Wilson coughed. “Looked a bit like he had his hand hurt…”<\/p>\n

“Sure.” Clem Foster nodded. “You can tell that all to the sheriff!”<\/p>\n

Wilson squirmed, his thoughts racing behind his flat forehead. He could always say someone else sold that horse to him. He never knew Adam Cartwright, so how should he know what he looked like? No one could prove anything. “Do I have to come now? I ain’t got no one to look after the business, and it’s a two hour ride to Virginia City.”<\/p>\n

Foster cast a queer look around the lonesome place. “I reckon those masses of customers can wait until you’re back.”<\/p>\n

Lilyah felt the panic rising in her. Something had happened and this fat man knew it. She knew that he knew something. She knew that he lied. Fighting back her tears, she flew around and ripped her dagger out of the sheath at her saddle. Before anyone could react or even grasp what was happening, she was at Wilson’s throat, the tip of the curved blade below the man’s right eye. Foster suppressed a curse. She had been too quick for him to even realize what she was up to.<\/p>\n

“You’re lying!” Lilyah’s voice was a hiss, but the underlying panic was evident. “You know what happened and where he is, and you’ll tell me, or I’ll cut your eyes out!”<\/p>\n

Wilson was about to push her away as the razor-sharp blade cut into the tearbag under his eye. He froze in place, his gaze filling with terror.<\/p>\n

Lilyah’s hand cramped around the weapon. She hadn’t even intended to cut him like this, it just happened as he moved. But she was smart enough to use the mishap in her own favor. Fighting down the nauseating disgust upon the physical contact with this man, she tried to suppress the tremor in her hands. She didn’t quite manage, but the slight trembling only added to Wilson’s horror.<\/p>\n

“Ma’am!” Foster was cautious to step closer. One small movement of her not very steady hand and the stable owner would lose his eye. “Ma’am, you’re making a big mistake. Leave this to the law!”<\/p>\n

“Where is he?” Lilyah moved the blade. It was finest Damascene handicraft and she had always heeded her father’s advice to keep it in shape. The blade was so sharp that it cut through the fat flesh like through butter. She didn’t even have to apply any pressure.<\/p>\n

“Co… comancheros got him…” Wilson barely dared breathing while he felt his blood trickling down his wobbly cheek. “I tried to help, but… couldn’t do anything. They… were heavily armed.”<\/p>\n

“Where is he?”<\/em>\u00a0Her voice skipped, the dagger twitched.<\/p>\n

Wilson gulped.<\/p>\n

Foster cleared his throat. “If she let you go, will you tell us everything you know?”<\/p>\n

“Yes… yes…” Wilson yelped, his eyes rolling in fear. “Yes…”<\/p>\n

“Ma’am…” Foster tried to sound soothing and reassuring. “Let him go. He’ll talk, and we’ll find Adam Cartwright.”<\/p>\n

Lilyah pulled back the dagger, shuddering as she moved backwards, instinctively brushing over her robe. But the sickening repugnance at having been in contact with this filthy, stinking man was nothing against the fear consuming her. She knew what comancheros were, the stagecoach drivers had mentioned them more than once. She mechanically cleaned the blade in the grass, almost without noticing. Her eyes hung on Wilson who had slumped to the ground, his hands pressed against his small wound.<\/p>\n

“Well?” Foster asked curtly. “What happened exactly? And more important, where are those comancheros now?”<\/p>\n

“Bitter Springs…” Wilson cast a pleading look around. “I couldn’t do anything. They were four men, heavily armed, and they held me at gun point all the time…”<\/p>\n

“… while selling you the horse.” Foster didn’t sound convinced. “And what would they do in Bitter Springs, of all places? That’s 35 miles across the desert. Where’s Adam Cartwright?”<\/p>\n

“They… took him with them.”<\/p>\n

“Without a horse?”<\/p>\n

Wilson looked like a fat rat trapped in a corner. “It’s a game they play. They tie a man up between two horses and force him to run. Then they drag him behind til he’s dead.” He hung his head. “I’m sorry. I would’ve helped him if I could, but he was already half dead when they came here…”<\/p>\n

Lilyah wavered, clasping at Chai’s mane for support.<\/p>\n

Clem Foster’s face had darkened. He still wasn’t sure if he should believe this wild story. “Why would they do that?”<\/p>\n

Wilson shrugged his shoulders.<\/p>\n

Foster turned to Morley. “You keep an eye on him!” Without waiting for an answer, he entered the barn which also included Wilson’s private rooms and compartments for tack and supplies. There was nothing to be found, except a badly hidden still. Foster twisted his lips. Wilson sure was a petty small-time scoundrel, but that was of little importance now. He left the barn and caught the wary look of the fat stable owner.<\/p>\n

“I… I haven’t operated that still in years…”<\/p>\n

“Sure.” Foster didn’t flinch. “Can you show me where they rode off?”<\/p>\n

“Traces might be gone by now…” Wilson looked up to Foster’s face. “It’s been almost five hours since.”<\/p>\n

“Show me anyway.”<\/p>\n

Wilson scrambled to his feet and led them behind the corral. Foster walked a few yards towards the desert and scanned the ground. The traces were there, still readable due to an unusually low wind this day. Four riders. No footsteps – but the sign of something dragged behind, the cruel confirmation that in this instance, the stable owner had told the truth. He drew a deep breath as he touched a spot of dried blood and the image of Ben Cartwright appeared in front of his inner eye.<\/p>\n

“No footsteps?” Bill Morley looked at the traces that clearly led into the barren alkali desert to the north. He read the answer in Foster’s face, and he saw it written in the dusty ground.<\/p>\n

Foster pressed his lips together and turned to Wilson. “How bad was he off when they started?”<\/p>\n

“Real bad,” Wilson replied, still clasping his wound. “He couldn’t stand anymore, was barely conscious. I think they’d shot him from the horse before, he certainly had at least one shot wound.” He pulled a sorry face. “All I know is they even drag the dead bodies along. They’ve done it before, I’ve heard it from customers. They meet with the rest of their gang in Bitter Springs.”<\/p>\n

Clem Foster nodded his head and walked along the track, until he finally crouched and took up some grime. Traces of dried blood stuck to it, and from the looks of it Wilson’s time frame was correct. It was at least four or five hours old, maybe even more than six. Not even an uninjured man could survive being dragged after a horse for more than one hour; and from the amount of blood traces in the grime a shot wound was more than likely. Foster heaved a sigh. Riding after them would be useless, they would long be in Bitter Springs before he and Morley had even crossed a fourth of the desert. They probably had already reached it. Feeling a heavy load on his shoulders, he got up again. He had to inform the sheriff. And Ben Cartwright. He looked at Bill Morley and saw that the young man knew there wasn’t any hope left. “Get the horses.”<\/p>\n

Morley ran off.<\/p>\n

Foster’s gaze fell on the veiled woman who stood at the side of the track, her black horse a few yards away. He felt sorry for her, knowing from Sheriff Coffee that she had been Adam Cartwright’s girl.<\/p>\n

Bill Morley didn’t take but a minute to return, already mounted, leading Foster’s horse. “I reckon I better ride to the Ponderosa and inform the Cartwrights.”<\/p>\n

“Yeah.” Foster nodded his head. “Take that chestnut with you, and the lady.” He turned towards her, with the intention to say a few consoling words and help her on her horse, but saw that she was already in the saddle. Relieved that at least this wouldn’t be a problem, he mounted his horse. His gaze fell on Wilson. “You’re not off the hook. We’ll come back for you tomorrow.”<\/p>\n

Wilson lowered his head. He might have lost the horse, but he had been lucky nonetheless. No one would ever be the wiser.<\/p>\n

Lilyah cantered up, bringing Chai to a sliding halt. “We have to hurry! He’ll need us!”<\/p>\n

Foster and Morley exchanged a look.<\/p>\n

“Ma’am…” Clem Foster took a breath. All he saw from her were her shaded eyes. “I think it’s better if you ride back to the Ponderosa with Bill.”<\/p>\n

“No!” She shook her head. “I’ll come with you!”<\/p>\n

Foster twisted his mouth. “I’ll have to ride to Virginia City and inform the sheriff.”<\/p>\n

“What?”<\/em>\u00a0Lilyah’s eyes widened. “We have to ride after Adam! He needs us! He’s out there! The track is there, it’s easy to follow, even I can see it! Please, we have to ride\u00a0now!<\/em>”<\/p>\n

“Ma’am…” Foster didn’t know what to say. “Ma’am, it’s at least five hours since they rode off, and…”<\/p>\n

“And WHAT?” Her eyes flamed. “They sure didn’t gallop all that time! We can catch up with them! If we ride fast, we can catch them! But we have to get started, not sit around talking!!”<\/p>\n

“Ma’am, it’s too late…”<\/p>\n

“Too late for what? The trace is there, it’s clear to see, and we’ll have to ride now before the wind blows it off!” Her hand pointed into the desert. “For Allah’s sake, we have to ride\u00a0now!<\/em>”<\/p>\n

Foster winced in the saddle. “Ma’am, we know they’re headed for Bitter Springs. We’ll ride to Virginia City, get a posse together and try to catch them there. That’s all we can do, and our best chance to get them at all. I promise we’ll do everything we can to not let them get away!”<\/p>\n

Her dark eyes stared at him. “Have you not heard what this guy said? It’s two hours to Virginia City! That would be four hours until you’re back here! When do you plan on looking for him? Next spring?” Her voice started shrieking, almost skipping over. “He doesn’t have that time!\u00a0I can feel it!<\/em>\u00a0He needs us NOW!”<\/p>\n

“Ma’am…” Foster tried to keep his voice calm and matter-of-fact, vaguely hoping that this might soothe the apparent hysteria in her. “It makes no sense to ride after those comancheros from here, we can easier get to Bitter Springs starting from Virginia City. We’ll have to inform the sheriff, and we’ll also have to inform the Cartwrights, then get a posse tog…”<\/p>\n

“And what ELSE?” she yelled at him at the top of her lungs, her frenzy reflecting on her stallion who started snorting and dancing about. “The King? The army? Is it because they are four and you just two? Is that why you keep on talking about a posse? Oh, you COWARDS! You miserable, filthy dirty COWARDS! PIGS!! YOU CURSED PIGS!!”<\/p>\n

Foster was at the end of his rope. “Ma’am… can’t you see it makes no sense to ride after them? I sure wish it would, but it’s too late.” He took a deep breath and added as softly as possible, “He’s dead.”<\/p>\n

“No!” There was a burning in her tearing eyes that bordered on madness. “No!<\/em>\u00a0You can’t know that! NO!”<\/p>\n

“Ma’am…”<\/p>\n

“NO!!”<\/p>\n

Foster saw her movement to kick her half-rearing horse in motion and threw his own mount around to get in her way. His hand shot forward to grab a hold of her reins, holding onto them with an iron fist, yanking the Arabian’s head around. “Ma’am, it ain’t got no sense. I’m sorry, but there’s nothing we…”<\/p>\n

“NOOO!” She screamed as her hand flew up, her fingernails scratching across his face. “Let me go, you pig-eating son of a dog! LET ME GO!!”<\/p>\n

Before Foster could react, the dished head of the stallion snapped around, viciously biting his arm, shaking it while chawing his teeth into it. Foster hit against the black head, the reins were torn from his hand. The next thing he saw was horse and rider storming off in full gallop.\u00a0“Goddamit!”<\/em>\u00a0In spite of the soaring pain in his badly mauled arm, he took after her, hearing the hoofbeats of Morley’s horse behind him.<\/p>\n

But they quickly gave up the fruitless pursuit and halted their horses, watching the Arabian shooting off at lightning speed.<\/p>\n

“Ain’t got no sense, we’ll never catch that horse!” Foster pressed his hand on his arm, noticing just now that the wound was profusely bleeding. The stallion had bitten all the way through to his bone. The arm looked like a grizzly had clawed it.<\/p>\n

“Great goodness…” Bill Morley ripped off his bandana to wrap it around the mauled arm, then took Foster’s bandana since his wasn’t enough to cover the wound. In fact, both bandanas weren’t enough. “Clem, that looks awful! You’d better see the doctor.”<\/p>\n

“We’ll ask Wilson for bandages.” Foster pressed his teeth together as he looked after the disappearing woman. Everything inside of him revolted against letting her run, but the pace of that stallion was beyond comprehension. “She’ll ride that horse to death if she doesn’t stop. I’ll send a few men to look for her and pick her up once I’m in Virginia.”<\/p>\n

“I think I’d better accompany you.” Morley scanned over Foster’s bloodied clothes. “You’ve lost too much blood, you shouldn’t ride alone.”<\/p>\n

“You ride to the Ponderosa. Ben Cartwright has every right to be informed with no delay.” Foster turned his horse with one hand, the wounded arm pressed to his body. “And take that chestnut mare with you. I couldn’t stand the thought that this creep hauls her off and makes a buck out of Adam’s horse!”<\/p>\n

Bill Morley swallowed. There was something in Foster’s words that really made the finality of it all hit hard. Adam Cartwright had been a good man, like all of his family. And it would sure be the hardest thing ever to ride up there and break the bad news to them.<\/p>\n

The two men rode back to the barn, halting one more time to look back into the desert. By now, the black Arabian and his rider were nothing but a tiny speck at the distant horizon. And within the wink of an eye, even that was gone.<\/p>\n

* * *<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

49. The Desert\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

Lilyah groaned as she slowed Chai into a walk, shaken by a new crying fit. Everything inside of her wanted to race on, gallop, run, fly along as fast as possible, but she knew she couldn’t do it. The stallion was breathing in snorts, the first sweaty shine showing on his coat. He had already run all day. She tried to pull herself together, recalling her father’s instructions how to cover the longest distance in the shortest time possible.\u00a0It makes no sense to gallop all the time, child! You might think you can win time, but you’ll lose it all when your horse breaks down. A horse can trot for hours, but it can’t gallop for long!<\/em><\/p>\n

“Walk – long trot – walk – short gallop – walk – long trot – walk…” She wasn’t aware that she murmured the words, like a litany to herself, trembling like in a fever. She knew the routine so well, it actually had gone into her flesh and blood, and still she had to recall it now, fighting down the overwhelming urge to race, fighting down the burning panic. Her eyes were glued to the ground in front of her. She was still on track. At least she hoped so, forcing herself not to remember that she never had been very good at reading tracks. Her father had applied great patience to teach her to at least part the trails of her goats from those of the wild antelopes, but somehow she had always mixed them up. The animals seldom had done her the favor to leave clearly recognizable prints when running. They had always all looked the same.<\/p>\n

She unfastened the niqab to get some more fresh air to her face, wiping her eyes without taking them from the trail. Those had not been antelopes. Those had been horses, she could even recognize the imprints of shod hooves. Four horses as far as she knew, even though she wouldn’t have been able to tell that from the track. It was, in all sobriety, merely ruffled up ground, indicating that\u00a0something<\/em>\u00a0must have passed here, with the one or other hoof imprint sticking out for having been placed on the dried loam rather than in the loose grime. Nevertheless she tried to convince herself that she could read it, could tell the numbers of horses just by looking at the vague crumple, and that she, of course, would always be able to rediscover it in case it led across harder terrain. She had to.<\/p>\n

“Adam…” She moaned as the thought of him sent a painful stab through her heart, trying with all her power to chase away the words echoing in her head.\u00a0Half dead… shot wounds… dragged behind… badly wounded… dead… dead…\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

“NOO!!”<\/p>\n

Chai threw up his head, snorting and half-rearing at her sudden, desperate yell.<\/p>\n

“No!”<\/em>\u00a0Lilyah breathed the word, forcing herself to calm down, to regain her composure, patting Chai’s neck to reassure him. “No… he’s alright, Chai, he’s alright… believe me! That man had lied all the time, you’ve heard how he’d lied, didn’t you? You know that he lied… Adam’s alright, you’ll see…”<\/p>\n

Letting go of the reins, she wrapped her arms around herself as if she were freezing in the hot, burning sun. Trying to ease up in the saddle as Chai walked on, she rubbed her face, forgetting her sore jaw and hissing at the pain as she accidently scraped one of the golden trinkets across it. Slowly, she managed to calm down again.<\/p>\n

She would find him!\u00a0She would find him!<\/em>\u00a0Her hands balling to fists, she gazed across the wide barren lands around her. They stretched as far as she could look, in all directions, even the one she came from, the distant mountains glimmering in the scintillating heat. Of course she would find him! She was on track! And this wasn’t even a\u00a0real<\/em>\u00a0desert, nothing like the vast murderous Sahara with its endless sands, its deadly, ever moving dunes in which a horse could sink in up to its belly. Here, she could see shrubs and cacti, however few and far between, there were tumbleweeds rolling about, and the ground was solid enough to gallop on.<\/p>\n

Gallop… Her hands cramped in an attempt to not shake the reins, to not storm forward again. She probed over Chai’s neck and shoulders. The coat had dried, the stallion’s snorting had stopped, he already began to look about him with interest and his steps came livelier. He would need another furlong or two to recover, but she could feel his powers coming back. He would soon be able to run again, and those lame American horses were no match for an Arabian stallion who had repeatedly won the great desert race of Taroudant. Repeatedly! This whole wannabe-desert was no match! She would catch up, she would find him… She wasn’t aware that the tears were still rolling down her face.<\/p>\n

“Good boy, Chai, good boy! We’ll find him…” She patted his neck and tried to not lose her nerves during the walk, her eyes glued on the track. She was just about to nudge Chai into a trot when her gaze caught a detail on the ground that literally jumped at her. She abruptly pulled the stallion up and slid from his back to have a closer look at it. “Oh…”<\/p>\n

It was a footstep – just a vague imprint, actually only the half side of a boot imprint, but clearly a foot step. Pressed into a dried loam hill that had only little dust on it, it was there to be seen. Panting with excitement, she frantically searched all the ground around it, but could not find any other. For a moment she was dispirited, close to panicking again, but then she pressed her lips together. It had nothing to say. Even the tracks of the much heavier horses were hard to define, covered with the dust that lingered in the hot air, half wiped in the dry grime of the barren ground, becoming so blurred that really nothing much could be identified. But this one footprint was there, and it was Adam’s. It had to be. It just had to be! She\u00a0knew<\/em>\u00a0it! Who else could it have been? And Allah had preserved it for her to see! She returned to the half footprint, staring at it with tearing eyes it as if to reassure herself that it was really there, touching it with the lightest fingertip as if she were afraid to destroy it. It sure was Adam’s.<\/p>\n

And it was a sign that Adam was\u00a0alive!<\/em><\/p>\n

She hastily got up and mounted again, urging Chai into a trot, following the slowly fading trail. Noticing the stallion proudly arching his neck as it used to be his manner, trotting along with powerful strides as if the gallop before had been long forgotten, she increased the pace of the trot, until she had to get up in the stirrups because it became too hard to sit out.<\/p>\n

* * *<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

One foot after the other.<\/p>\n

Adam heard the hooves behind him and flinched as the whip cracked through the air, realizing only with some delay that this time, it hadn’t struck him. He barely heard the laughter.<\/p>\n

One foot after the other. The two ropes around his chest were tensed to the point of being unbearable, cutting into his arm pits, the coarse hemp chafing into his flesh. But they held him upright, preventing him from falling on his face. They were most likely the reason he was still alive, after having repeatedly been dragged along between cantering horses for what had seemed like eternities to him. His lower legs and knees were scraped and bleeding, but the ropes had largely prevented his whole body from being dragged across the ground. Right now, he probably wouldn’t be able to stand without them.<\/p>\n

Adam gritted his teeth as he tried to shift his weight from the ropes onto his legs, to ease the pressure on his chest. It felt like his knees were somewhere in his stomach. One foot after the other. He slowly got into a rhythm again, his eyes half closed, his bound hands balled to fists. Always weary about his left side where Diego was the one who held the rope, he had come to appreciate the rider on his right side. This one always kept his rope tense and steady, kept his horse in a straight line, at a regular pace. Diego, on the other hand, had some evil fun to yank or suddenly slacken his rope, causing Adam to stumble and fall.<\/p>\n

One foot after the other. One laborious step after another one. Adam had given up counting them, had given up checking on his surroundings, as it all looked the same, just barren desert stretching into nowhere, and time had lost its meaning in repeated bouts of unconsciousness. He raised his hands in a weak attempt to wipe the sweat from his eyes; a futile endeavor since his brow was running with sweat, his whole body bathed in it. The sun burnt mercilessly on his uncovered head, his ripped and torn shirt did nothing to protect his upper body from the stinging rays. His skin was glowing, tingling in a strange mixture of swelling and searing. His lips were cracked, his tongue felt like a piece of dry wood; trying to keep his mouth close and collect his saliva to at least moisten it seemed to become harder and harder with every desperate attempt. But he kept going. Functioning. One foot after the other.<\/p>\n

Adam tried to not think of it, but it was hardly a thought that kept harrowing him with relentless cruelty. It was an instinct that was burning in him, an uncontrollable primeval need that kept craving for water, hammering the vision, the want of water into his consciousness, rendering the lack of it into torture. Adam tried to swallow, but there was nothing to swallow, his throat stalled in the middle of the process, causing a cramped pain in his chest. It felt like a ball of hot glowing metal was forced down his throat and stuck in his windpipe. He almost choked on it before he was able to gasp for air. His legs moved on, mechanically, stiffly, awkwardly numb. Functioning, without thinking. His blood had begun droning in his head, in a steady rhythm, sounding like a scythe mowing through dry grass, and then again like a hammer hammering a wedge into dead stones.<\/p>\n

He flinched as the left rope suddenly slackened, felt more than he saw that Diego’s horse came closer. His eyes glued to the ground before him, he set his feet, one after the other, with strange bewilderment upon his ability to keep upright, to keep going. Subconsciously, he felt the right rope easing, realizing that the rider to his right had reacted in a manner that prevented the right rope from pulling him over. An almost absurd gratitude rose in Adam as he kept going, trying to overcome the cramping pain in both his legs. Diego brought his horse a few yards ahead and yanked the rope. Adam tumbled, raising his bound hands to absorb the fall, hissing as he once again fell hard on his forearms.<\/p>\n

The whip cracked down on him and it felt like it tore a stripe out of his burning skin. His whole body shivered under the blow and he tensed up in the premonition of another one, unable to do much more to dodge it.<\/p>\n

“Didn’t I tell you to watch your steps?” Mocking Voice halted his horse behind him. “Is it that hard to learn? How dumb are you?”<\/p>\n

Adam closed his eyes, his jaw working. He didn’t notice that Mocking Voice had dismounted and was completely taken off guard when the man’s hand clawed into his hair to rudely lift his head. He tried to look at the face in front of him and realized just then that his eyes were nearly pasted shut with sweat and crusted grit.<\/p>\n

“Seems you’re not as tough as you thought, eh?” The mocking voice drizzled with a sneer. “But I already guessed that you wouldn’t last much longer without water. It’s always those who deem themselves oh so strong and superior that break down first!”<\/p>\n

Adam did not react, he just closed his eyes again. He couldn’t bring himself to beg for water, even though the need for it was screaming in him. Another tremor ran through his body and he stiffened in a vain attempt to suppress it.<\/p>\n

Mocking Voice laughed. “Good! Very good! You’ve learned something, after all. I’m impressed! Hey, guys, the bastard has actually learned something! He didn’t talk, and he dutifully shivers at my mere sight! Now isn’t that just laudable?”<\/p>\n

Laughter and sneers sounded up around them.<\/p>\n

“Well, I think that deserves a reward, after all!” Mocking Voice cheerfully exclaimed and got up. “Diego, give me your hat!”<\/p>\n

Adam didn’t look up until he heard the unmistakable sound of water in a canteen. Still resting on his forearms, he lifted his head, his thirst exploding in him, gnawing at his insides like a rabid animal, tearing through his parched throat. And yet he was cautious, hesitant to move. His suspicions proved true as Mocking Voice poured the water into the inside of Diego’s hat and placed it in front of him. Adam flinched, almost unconsciously attempting to get on his knees before he was really aware of it, but his movement was stopped.<\/p>\n

“Oh, no!” Mocking Voice placed a hand on his neck and pressed him back down. “You don’t need your hands!”<\/p>\n

Adam closed his eyes – he understood. He cringed when the battle began raging inside of him. His pride was aghast, disgusted, horrified at what was asked from him. His thirst erupted in a frenzied rampage, screaming and shrieking inside, maniacally trying to force him to go for it. His mind resignedly pointed out that he needed the water, that he was already severely dehydrated, that he wouldn’t survive any longer without it. His pride snapped back asking what he should survive for. Adam groaned without even noticing it.<\/p>\n

“Come on!” Mocking Voice grabbed Adam’s hair and forced his head down, pressing his face into the hat. “I know Diego isn’t the cleanliest fellow in the world, but the water is good!”<\/p>\n

Raucous laughter followed his words.<\/p>\n

Adam didn’t have the strength to fight, and he wasn’t even sure if he wanted to. He began to choke as the water got into his mouth and nose, barely got the chance to drink, fighting to breathe and still swallow some, before the hat got pressed down and the water got lost, sipping into the dust. He felt his eyes tearing and something inside of him broke.<\/p>\n

“Unbelievable!” the mocking voice scoffed. “Hours in the desert, nearly dying from thirst, and I still have to show him how to drink! Now that’s what I’d call stupid!” He waited until the roaring laughter of his companions died down. Bringing his head close to Adam’s, he hissed, “Dumb animal!”<\/p>\n

Adam flinched, closing his eyes again. Survival… what was it worth? Any price? Everything?<\/p>\n

Mocking Voice crudely turned him on his back, picked up the hat and emptied the last drops over Adam’s face before he tossed it back to a laughing Diego. Placing his foot on Adam’s tied wrists, he bowed forward, resting his elbow on his knee, shaking the canteen. “Open your mouth, I’m in a charitable mood right now!”<\/p>\n

Adam’s face twitched, he half expected another cruelty, another vicious deceit. Yet his lips were parted, anyway, it didn’t take much to open his mouth just a wee bit wider, every streak of him revolting against the humiliation. Mocking Voice laughed, but actually poured the water down into Adam’s mouth, even considerate enough so he could swallow without choking. Adam did it, almost mechanically, forcing himself to not think, to not ponder what he was doing.<\/p>\n

“That was good, wasn’t it?” Mocking Voice screwed the canteen shut and straightened out, taking his boot from Adam’s wrists. “Of course, water has its price these days, especially in a desert. Why, it’s a precious stuff, isn’t it?”<\/p>\n

Adam did not reply. His thoughts became clearer, now that his agonizing thirst had been quenched. The raucous droning in his head had largely reduced itself to a penetrant but endurable background buzz. He saw the movement as Mocking Voice lifted his boot again, but he was too slow to react. The kick was vicious and brutal, the pain erupted in an explosion, wiping out all thinking, causing his body to jerk, to roll into a ball. His own ragged and raspy scream hurt in his ears, his muscles cramped up. For one moment his senses faded, an almost benevolent darkness began to engulf him, but the mercy of a longer unconsciousness was not granted to him. He was hauled on his back again, something pulled on his legs.<\/p>\n

“That was only half the price,” Mocking Voice jovially anounced. “But I think I’ll let you pay off the rest in goods. I’ll content myself with your boots!”<\/p>\n

It was just then that Adam realized that someone had pulled his boots off his feet. He didn’t even know who, had not seen Mocking Voice move, or anyone else approaching. Parts of what certainly had happened were missing in his recollection, but he could not remember having been unconscious. The searing pain from the vicious kick still kept ravaging through his body, still made him writhe, ragged his breathing. He felt the ropes tensing, felt that he was hauled up again, but he didn’t get his feet to carry him, having his whole weight hanging in the ropes. His chest hurt like it was squashed and cracked open.<\/p>\n

“Anyone need some boots?” Mocking Voice showed the boots around. “A bit chafed from being dragged, I’m afraid. Tips and soles are not quite what they used to be.”<\/p>\n

The comancheros laughed and expressed their refusal, and Mocking Voice tossed them away. “Too bad!”<\/p>\n

Adam fought himself back on his feet, gritting his teeth. Still cramped up, still fighting to overcome the pulsating pain from the kick, still trying to clear his vision, he set one foot on the ground, pulling the other forward, his hands balled to fists. One foot after the other. Grimacing as he stepped into something sharp. Straining to ease the weight on the ropes. Closing his eyes. Functioning. The droning in his head had returned, loud and annoying, thumping in the rhythm of his heart beat, with the pulse of his blood, swelling off and on. And after only a few steps, the sweat was dripping from him as if the glaring sun was hell bent to drain every drop of liquid out of him.<\/p>\n

“Well, well…” Mocking Voice reined in his horse, laughing at his victim. “I have a feeling that our client will be very, very pleased to see you. Did I mention that he initially hired us to simply shoot you? But then he was just thrilled to hear about our little games, and offered us five times the usual price if we get you in shape. Now ain’t you glad this got you all those many extra hours of life?”<\/p>\n

Adam didn’t even look. He kept going, step by step. One foot after the other. His thinking mind had retreated into the depths of a wounded soul.<\/p>\n

* * *<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Lilyah halted her stallion, staring on the ground. There were no more tracks, no crumples, no nothing, just the cracked, barren earth. The track had gotten less and less visible long before, but she had rode on, always hoping that it would continue at some further spot. It hadn’t.<\/p>\n

She cringed in the saddle, almost fearful to look around, trying to not think that the track had ended long before, that she couldn’t even be sure if she was still riding in the right direction. Maybe they had taken a turn, maybe… She hastily brushed off the thought. This was a dry, barren wasteland. Nobody rode circles and zigzags in a desert. It would be stupid, a waste of energy. And still…<\/p>\n

She finally lifted her eyes. The landscape had changed, it wasn’t really all flat anymore. There were rocky cliffs and hills, strangely scattered across the barren plain. The mountains were much closer now. They could still have taken a turn, maybe there was water somewhere. Water…<\/p>\n

Her hand stroke over Chai’s mane. The stallion stood with his head close to hanging, a sure sign that he was tired. Lilyah pressed her lips together and slid from his back, taking the water bag from the saddle. Her good old goat-skin bag, she had never exchanged it for an American canteen. Placing it over her shoulder, she poured some water into her cupped hand, letting Chai lick it out, then poured some more, repeating the procedure until she was sure that he had enough. Maybe not as much as he wanted, but enough to not suffer from lack of water. She herself took only a few little sips, just enough to quench the worst thirst. She couldn’t know how long the ride would last, and maybe Adam would need the water later on… a dry sob rose in her throat. If she would find him at all. Lilyah shivered, and for one moment she felt nothing but the wish to bury her face in Chai’s mane and cry, cry, cry…<\/p>\n

Never give up, child! Never! If you feel disheartened, just keep going. Keep your eyes open, keep your spirit awake, and Allah will give you a sign!<\/em><\/p>\n

“Yes…” she whispered. She almost could hear her father’s voice, and closing her eyes, she could almost see his face. Lilyah swallowed and stored the water bag away. Never give up! She began shaking her robes, an attempt to cool her body beneath them, to get some fresh wind into the dampened silks. Desert or not, the heat was harsh and merciless, and she was quick to cover her head and face with the veils again after shaking them out. How would Adam fare in that heat? His clothes were nowhere suited for such climate… and to think that he was…<\/p>\n

“No!”<\/em>\u00a0She hissed at the thought, chasing it away, burying it inside of her. She clambered back in the saddle and nudged Chai forward. Adam was alright! He was a strong, a tough man! And men like him could endure a lot. She remembered her father’s tales about ordeals in the desert, about fights, about being wounded and surviving. And it had not been just tales. He had had the scars to prove them and his old faithful Ibrahim had been there to confirm them. Strong men could survive a lot of things, and Adam was a strong man!<\/p>\n

She trotted on, scanning the area around her, forcing herself to keep her eyes searching, her gaze sharp, scrutinizing every bit it fell on, not allowing it to get blurred in the glimmering heat.<\/p>\n

And she saw something!<\/p>\n

At first she gasped, as the thing in front looked like a crouched body, dusty, but still recognizable as black. The next moment she admonished herself to pull herself together. The thing was close and thus far too small to be anything like this. She rode up to it and slid from the saddle.<\/p>\n

A boot! A black boot, chafed and scraped in the lower half, but the leather of its shaft was still undamaged, still soft, clearly indicating that they could not have been dumped in that desert long ago. The second boot lay close by, showing the same specifics – a badly marred lower part as opposed to an undamaged upper part. When she wetted a finger to wipe off the dust, the leather beneath was still deep solid black. The insides looked almost new. Black boots.<\/p>\n

Had not Adam worn such boots? Might these even be his? Lilyah closed her eyes, frantically trying to remember what kind of boots he wore. She couldn’t. Her hands cramped around the leather as she scanned over the ground, slowly walking a circle. A dry, low growing shrub caught her attention, as it looked as if it had just recently been trampled down. She approached it and the boots fell off her hands as she dropped on one knee.<\/p>\n

“Oh… Allah…” Her fingers trembled as she reached for a small shred of black cloth hanging from a thorny branch that had been broken to the ground. A small, torn shred, dirtied and dried, but still black, even the threads at the fringes were still black. If it had been there any longer, the color would’ve long been bleached out. She probed the fabric with a fingertip. It\u00a0could<\/em>\u00a0be a shred of Adam’s shirt… Lilyah began to tremble as her eyes fell on the ground. It was hard, rocky terrain, but still she saw scratches and traces in the thin dust layer that the wind had not blown off yet. At least she hoped she saw any. Almost crawling on her knees, her fingers touched a darker spot, some dried up substance. Blood? She couldn’t tell… Adam… she suddenly felt he was close.<\/p>\n

She jumped up in a frenzy, running back to Chai, mounting as fast as she could, causing the stallion to circle around himself because she didn’t know which way to turn. Her gaze fell on the cloud of dust Chai’s hooves whirled up and she suddenly knew what was best to do. Shaking the reins, she urged Chai into a gallop, straight to what seemed to be the highest hill nearby.<\/p>\n

It was a steep and tricky climb, but she forced the Arabian up the stark slope, nearly beside herself, sobbing again in a searing mixture of hope and despair. Chai’s hooves slipped several times, fighting for traction in the loose ground, slithering back several yards before he caught himself and fought his way back up. Balancing her weight over his shoulder to make it easier for him, she saw the foam flying from his muzzle. Her heart began to ache in fear and guilt. For the first time ever, she knew she was asking too much from him.<\/p>\n

But she didn’t give in until they had reached the top, a small, rocky plateau from which she had a sheer endless look across the arid lands around them. Chai snorted in deep, heavy breaths while Lilyah rose in the saddle, scanning the widths until her burning eyes were hurting.<\/p>\n

There… She inhaled sharply, almost standing in the stirrups.<\/p>\n

Far in the distance, too far to even recognize any details, she saw a small cloud of dust, moving towards the horizon. She strained her eyes until they started tearing. It could be anything. A herd of antelopes. Sheep. Goats. Buffaloes. Anything. She panted, barely able to control her breathing. It could as well be horses. Riders. She was sure it was riders.<\/p>\n

Adam!<\/p>\n

She nudged Chai forward, cantering across the small plateau until she reached the steep ascent on its other side. Shortly memorizing a particular boulder that stood in the direction of the far away dust cloud, well knowing she would not be able to see the cloud anymore once down from the hill, she nary hesitated a second before she forced the stallion to jump downwards. Skidding and slithering along in a cloud of dust, Chai stumbled and fell. Lilyah was thrown off the saddle, alert enough to roll around to get out of the range of Chai’s hooves as the stallion thrashed about to get back on his legs.<\/p>\n

“Chai!” Aghast, she rushed over to him, just as he came back up. Falling on her knees, not even realizing that she was whimpering, she crawled all around him, frantically probing over his legs. He was alright… thanks to Allah, he was alright. Gasping with her mouth wide open, she fought down the shock. It wasn’t the first time they had fallen. Wiping the sweat of fear from her forehead, she got up and curtly flung her arms around his neck to give him a hug. She didn’t even notice that she had lost her elaborate Bedouin diadem.<\/p>\n

Adam!<\/p>\n

Lilyah hastily mounted again, patted Chai’s neck and urged him into a gallop. The boulder gave her the direction to take. Bowing deep over the stallion’s crest, she raced along, only one single thought hammering in her head.<\/p>\n

Adam!<\/p>\n

* * *<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

It was riders. Four riders. Leisurely cantering along… cantering?<\/p>\n

Be on your guard, child! Never run into strangers unprepared!<\/em><\/p>\n

She swayed to the side, aiming for a group of rocks and bizarre sandstone formations to bring them between herself and those riders who still were a good distance ahead. Where was Adam?<\/p>\n

Chai stretched himself, flying over the ground. The formations quickly came nearer, but they barred her full sight on the riders. She only saw their heads bopping up and down. A few more strides and she had reached the formations. She was now so close that she could hear distant voices, laughter, but still too far to make out any words. What had they done to Adam?<\/p>\n

She pulled up the reins, bringing Chai down to a slow canter, then a trot, then a walk. His snorts were short and raspy, his breathing hard, and she was horrified to see the thick flakes of sweat on his coat, the foam flying from his open mouth. She ruefully brushed over his mane, praying the walk might cool him down, but her eyes clung to the occasional glimpses she could take through the boulders and sandstone crags to her left. She still could see only the upper parts of the riders who had now slowed their horses to a walk. They were on the same height now, maybe two or three hundred yards to her left. If they would look over, they would see her, but apparently they saw no need to check their surroundings. They were evil looking people, evoking her disgust and aversion. Their chatter sounded mean, their laughter repulsing.<\/p>\n

Where was Adam?<\/em><\/p>\n

Lilyah proceeded to the next bigger gap in the line of crags and boulders, saw the first rider passing by in full view. And then she saw Adam.<\/p>\n

She froze in shock, clasping her hands to her mouth to suppress a scream, her eyes widening in horror. He seemed barely alive anymore, hanging in the ropes tied between two horses, bloodied, his head hanging down. A searing pain tore through her heart like a lashing claw, and for a moment she wavered in the saddle. Through tearing eyes, she saw him moving his legs, trying to get on his feet, but breaking down on his knees again.<\/p>\n

Lilyah closed her eyes. If only she had her bow with her. If only she had heeded Walking Deer’s advice to practice and carry it along, no matter what the silver-haired man had said, she would have it with her now. She would have killed those men, all four of them.<\/p>\n

What could she do now? Ride over to talk with them? Plead with them? Begging them? She opened her eyes again, saw their faces, heard their vile laughter, and she knew it wouldn’t make sense. They would only use her to hurt him more. She saw the rifles and guns they carried and she suddenly felt weak and helpless, doomed and alone. Her heart cramped in agony as she saw one of the riders moving behind Adam, swinging his arm. The sound of a whip could be heard well unto her hiding place. Her suppressed sobs shook her so badly that she almost lost her balance in the saddle.<\/p>\n

But then Lilyah went numb. Fragments shot through her mind, fragments of stories she had heard about dervishes, and about warriors who had suddenly gained miraculous strength in the face of death, trusting in Allah. She slowly pulled the sabre from its sheath, her hand clutched around the shaft, her lips started murmuring one and the same phrase over and over again, like in a desperate attempt to hypnotize herself. “Allahu akbar… Allahu akbar… Allahu akbar… Allahu…”<\/p>\n

She finally screamed the words, at the top of her lungs, kicking Chai into motion such that he reared up high and gave a loud neigh before he broke into a sharp gallop. And she kept on screaming in raging hysteria as she blindly raced to a battle she could not possibly win.<\/p>\n

The four riders turned around, their mouths hanging open.<\/p>\n

* * *<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

50. The Fight\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

The first rider Lilyah reached was the one at Adam’s right side. She rapidly forced Chai into a sharp turn, aiming for the gap of less than six yards between him and Adam, lashing out with the sabre to cut the rope before Chai ran into it. She had to lean wide forward to do so, struggling to get back in her seat while getting the sabre up again for another blow. The rider turned in the saddle upon seeing the veiled figure appearing beside him, upon seeing the rope fall. He was more confused than alerted by her charge and reacted one moment too late when the blade came up. Lilyah furiously attacked him, desperately trying to not lose her grip on the weapon’s shaft. Chai threw himself against the other horse, biting in its crest, digging his teeth into it, ripping and shaking at the horse’s skin. Yet in his exhausted state, he failed to catch himself and both horses fell, their riders falling with them.<\/p>\n

Lilyah winced in shock when she heard the terrible sound, a sound she had heard only once in her life, but had never forgotten – the sound of a breaking bone, the sound of a horse breaking its leg. Being thrown off the saddle, she rolled around, frantically trying to see what had happened, and for a moment there was but one thought in her mind that drowned out everything else.\u00a0Oh Allah, don’t let it be Chai!<\/em><\/p>\n

At the same time, the voices of the shouting men reached her ear, and she lunged forward to retrieve the sabre. It was just then that she saw it was sunk in the chest of the rider who was half buried beneath his fallen horse. Chai was just fighting himself back up again, the other horse wildly thrashing about. The cloud of dust whirled up by both animals made it impossible to catch any details.<\/p>\n

“It’s just a woman!”<\/p>\n

“She killed Thorpe!”<\/p>\n

Lilyah had no chance to get her sabre back, nor did she make it to her saddle to get the dagger. Rude hands whirled her around and a harsh hit to her face knocked her off her feet. She flew in a rage, getting back up, hitting back, not giving in. As small as she was, she fought like a wild cat, scratching and biting, kicking and screaming. The two men who had jumped her had a hard time getting hold of her, and then they had to dodge from Chai’s sudden attack.<\/p>\n

“Diego! Shoot that goddam horse!”<\/p>\n

Adam lifted his head. Half unconscious, he had fallen when the right rope had lost its hold and Diego hadn’t looked for his. At first, the turmoil and the screaming barely had seeped through the droning in his tortured mind, but all of a sudden he was wide awake. Lilyah…\u00a0it was Lilyah!<\/em><\/p>\n

He didn’t know where he took the strength from when he fought himself on to his knees, his bound hands grabbing for the left rope, pulling at it with all he had. It was enough to cause Diego’s horse doing a side step, just as the comanchero was aiming at the black Arabian. The shot went amiss.<\/p>\n

Diego threw Adam an incredulous look as he nudged his horse towards him, pulling his foot from the stirrup with the clear aim to kick against Adam’s head.<\/p>\n

“Adam!”\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

Lilyah’s scream, laced with panic and horror, cut through Adam’s heart. The fear what those scoundrels might do to her exploded in his mind, erasing all pain, all debilitation, galvanizing him. He shirked the kick, fought himself on his bloodied feet, his tied hands grabbing for Diego’s shirt, pulling the sturdy man from the saddle. They both fell, Diego on top.<\/p>\n

Adam hissed as his lacerated back scratched across the ground, but the pain did not reach his mind. He hammered his tied hands against Diego’s temple, receiving a heavy fist blow against his shoulder, but still managed to tore up his knee and slam it into his adversary’s stomach. While the comanchero doubled over, Adam’s hands reached for the gun. He had to win this, he had to, or else Lilyah would be… he couldn’t finish the thought. The gun went off.<\/p>\n

Mocking Voice flew around as the shot rang up, his eyes widening in disbelief. Diego’s body slumped to the ground, the captive struggling to push off the weight and get on his knees. His first thought was the whip, but he had all hands full holding the woman down, one hand in her hair, the other clutching her one wrist, his remaining companion holding the other. She writhed and screamed, beside herself with panic. The black stallion reared and snorted, but was reluctant to attack as long as they had the woman close. Mocking Voice saw the gun in the tied hands.<\/p>\n

“Abe, he’ll shoot!”<\/p>\n

His last companion whirled around and drew his gun. Adam was faster, his gun bellowed up before the comanchero had a chance to pull the trigger.<\/p>\n

Mocking Voice tried to hold Lilyah with only one hand to have the other free to pull his gun, but realized quickly that he couldn’t do it. She fought and wriggled like a rabid cat. He finally let her go, viciously hitting against her head to get her out of the way. The blow was so hard that it sent her rolling about herself for several yards before she slumped down against the stallion’s legs.<\/p>\n

Adam pulled the trigger, but the gun jammed.<\/p>\n

Mocking Voice laughed, bitter and hateful. And he shot.<\/p>\n

Adam threw himself to the side, feeling the bullet scraping his arm. For a moment a wave of darkness seemed to engulf him, and he shook his head to chase it off.<\/p>\n

Lilyah turned around, pulling herself on her elbows, grabbing at one of Chai’s legs for support. Her eyes widened as she watched the man cocking his gun again, aiming at Adam who had not yet managed to get up. It was as if he was waiting for Adam to look at him.<\/p>\n

“NOOO!” She shot up, slipped in the gravel, but then she flew towards the man, bumping into him just as his gun went off. “NOOO!” She clawed both her hands into his face, with all her power, as hard as she could, literally digging her fingernails into his skin. Not all of her fingers met the resistance of flesh – some sank into something wet and glutinous. Aghast, she pulled back.<\/p>\n

Mocking Voice started screeching, howling like a fatally wounded animal. Pressing both hands against his eye sockets, he teetered to and fro until he fell on his back, kicking his legs in agony, shrieking in the highest pitches. He did not notice that he had fallen right in front of the black Arabian, he did not hear the neighing as Chai reared up. The hard hooves crashed down on his head, stopped the screeching, put him out of his misery, in an absurd twist of mercy that he had never granted his own victims.<\/p>\n

Lilyah trembled in a shivering fit, gasping and sobbing, rubbing her fingers through the dust like in a frenzy to get rid of the disgusting stuff under her nails, whimpering in horror and repulsion. It took a while until the first conscious thought found its way into her mind.<\/p>\n

Adam… Her eyes flew over to him. Her heart seemed to stop beating when she saw his body stretched out on the ground.<\/p>\n

“ADAM!” Lilyah scrambled to her feet, running towards him, stumbling, crawling, until she was at his side. “Adam… Adam…” All she saw was blood, the bleeding shot wound at his side, her fingers helplessly touching over his abused body. She started screaming, screaming and wailing, crying and screaming on, completely out of her mind, screaming her heart out.<\/p>\n

“Lil…”<\/p>\n

She screamed on, until she felt a harsh grip at her neck and shoulder, felt something shaking her.<\/p>\n

“Lilyah!<\/em>\u00a0LILYAH!”<\/p>\n

Her screams broke off, she gasped for air with her mouth open, her eyes widened that the white was visible around her iris. Still in shock, she was unable to grasp that it was Adam who called her, Adam’s hands that had clutched her shoulder and shook her.<\/p>\n

“Lil…” Adam retched at the hurt in his parched throat. It was nothing against the hurt in his heart. But her eyes slowly normalized, her panic stricken features began to ease. Her nose was bleeding, one eyebrow cracked open, her face bruised. It cut in his heart. “L…” His throat quit functioning. He felt another wave of dizziness, threatening to drown out his consciousness, and he fought it with all he had left. He couldn’t pass out now, leaving her sitting there.<\/p>\n

“Adam…” she wimpered, still shivering but slowly calming down, slowly understanding that he was alive. The tears started rolling as she gingerly touched his face, touched his fingers that brushed over her cheek, holding them, kissing them. “Adam…”<\/p>\n

He moved his head, his hands falling down. “W…” He didn’t know how he had managed to yell at her before, but now his throat was unable to utter one more word.<\/p>\n

For a moment she just stared blankly, but then the light of awareness returned into her eyes. “Oh… yes… yes…” She jumped up, noticing just then that Chai had approached them, standing there with his head hanging down. She rushed to her saddle to get the water bag, rushed back to Adam, falling on her knees beside him. Carefully lifting his head, she let him drink. Adam did not drink too much, took his time to taste the sips and roll them in his mouth before he swallowed, finally pushing the bag away.<\/p>\n

Lilyah felt relief, glad that he thought of limiting his drinking himself. She probably wouldn’t have had the heart to take the water away from him had he wanted more, even though she knew it wouldn’t have been good for him to get too much at once. Still softly crying, she wetted a silken wrap and cautiously wiped the area around his eyes, nose and lips, before she placed it on his head and prepared another one to press against the bleeding shot wound. Adam held it down with one forearm, his hands were still tied.<\/p>\n

“Wait…” Lilyah got up and fetched her dagger, kneeling beside him again, her eyes on his chafed and bloodied wrists. Swallowing, she tried to cut the rope, but no matter how sharp the dagger was, it did not cut through the hemp without pressure – and pressure was what she did not dare to apply.<\/p>\n

A shade of painful pity showed in Adam’s eyes as he watched her desperate features. “Come on…” His voice was barely more than a coarse croak. “Cut…”<\/p>\n

Lilyah pressed her lips together and cut the rope, flinching as she helped him free his wrists. The rope literally stuck in the blood. She hectically began to take off her veils, tearing up some more of her manifold drapings to have enough bandages.<\/p>\n

Adam watched with a hurting heart as she bandaged his wrists, tried to fasten the cloth at his shot wound, visibly overwhelmed with the tasks she saw in front of her. There was still panic in her dark eyes, her fingers trembled as she reached for her goat skin bag again to give him some more water and moisten more cloth to clean his wounds. She had to calm down more. He heard the nickering of a horse as a dark shadow fell over them. His eyes wandered up to Chai’s body, covered with dust laced by the traces of running sweat, he saw the dried flakes of sweat sticking to the stallion’s coat. She must have ridden her horse half to death… her beloved Chai. Adam felt a lump in his throat.<\/p>\n

“Give him… some water…” His voice had recovered from croaking to a hoarse whispering. “Care for… your horse.” He saw the sudden shock in her eyes and tried a smile, though it failed miserably. “Go… I’ll need a few moments… anyway.”<\/p>\n

She felt torn apart and her hand with the wet cloth began trembling even more. She barely knew what to clean first, he had so many wounds. But she had also neglected her horse, which was unforgivable. How her father would have scolded her. “Your wound… I… you… Adam… you’re shot…”<\/p>\n

Adam’s brow furrowed in his attempt to shake his head. “Harmless flesh… wound.”<\/p>\n

“How can you know?”<\/p>\n

“I know…” His bloodied chest heaved a breath. “Experience…”<\/p>\n

She hesitantly nodded her head and hastily covered Adam’s body with the veils to protect him from the blistering sun, wiping the sweat from his brow. Her fingers carefully caressed his cheek before she bowed and breathed a soft kiss on it. “You’re sure you can…”<\/p>\n

“Yes…” Adam fought to keep his face still, to not show his pain, to mediate something like assurance to her. “Look for more canteens…”<\/p>\n

She finally scrambled to her legs. Chai immediately nudged her side and got his share of water, while her eyes shyly scanned over the place. Four dead men. The horses were gone, she could just see the last of them disappearing between the hills, far away. She had one look at Chai’s condition and knew there wasn’t a chance in the world to catch them. But one of the horses was still there… Lilyah shuddered as she realized that the low groaning she had heard came from that horse lying on its side. She cast another timid look at the dead men and took her dagger before she slowly made a few steps, as if she were afraid one of them could suddenly move. The horse must have heard her, for it started to thrash about in a futile attempt to get up. Its painful groaning increased, the awful sound that only a suffering horse could produce.<\/p>\n

Lilyah’s eyes teared as she approached the struck animal, regarding the viciously shattered front leg. Pieces of broken bone stuck out of the skin. And suddenly the dun bay in front of her changed into a white mare, and she was that little girl again, standing in horror in front of her fallen horse, watching the legs thrashing about, watching the dark red blood oozing over the silvery white limbs that up to that very moment had been the epitome of reliability and endurance to her. And she saw her father pulling his dagger.<\/p>\n

No, Papa, no! Not Jahdi… not Jahdi!!\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

We can only end her suffering, child. The deeper the cut, the less she will feel, and her pain will end when her blood starts to flow and her consciousness fades. Believe me, it will fade swiftly, within the wink of an eye. And she will run with Allah…<\/em><\/p>\n

Her hand clutched around the weapon as she stepped closer. And she did what she had to do. “I’m sorry… I’m so sorry…” Forcing herself to not look at the blood gushing from the deep throat cut, she crouched beside the horse’s head and gently brushed over its face. The groaning had stopped with the cut, the legs lay still, she saw the big dark eyes clouding and then closing. A dry sob shook her.<\/p>\n

Adam watched from afar and his heart bled. He could only imagine how hard it must have come to her to do this. Everything inside of him wanted to get up, run to her, take her in his arms to comfort and protect her, keep everything away from her. And still he knew that he wouldn’t even manage to stand on his own two feet. His hand pressing the wet cloth against his throbbing shot wound, he fought down the pain, the constantly threatening slide into unconsciousness. He had to stay awake! He couldn’t leave her like this. He breathed through the drowse.\u00a0Stay awake!<\/em>\u00a0Wiping his brow, he summoned all his strength. He had to get up, somehow. He wouldn’t be able to stay awake while lying flat on his back. Grimacing in the strain, he rolled on his side, struggling to force himself up.<\/p>\n

“Adam!” Lilyah rushed to his side, falling on her knees, doing what she could to support him.<\/p>\n

Adam groaned as he painstakingly managed to get in a half seated, half crouched position before his strength failed him. Panting in exhaustion, he slumped against her, his head sinking on her shoulder, trying to clear his once again blurring vision.<\/p>\n

Lilyah cried softly, holding him as well as she could, trying to not hurt him by touching any open wounds. His back was badly marred with bloodied welts and cuts, his shoulders, his arms, his chest all were sore and stained with blood. His bare feet were crusted with blood and dirt. She fought back the tears, the urge to wail, tried to pull herself together. He was so big, so heavy, she barely could hold him up in his seat.<\/p>\n

“Lil…” He painfully shifted to rest on his thigh, trying to keep himself halfway upright. He didn’t want to lean on her with all his weight, he could feel the exhaustion in her, could feel her small body trembling. How did she ever get here? Something inside of him shuddered at the thought that she had ridden after him. He longed to take her in his arms, to let her cry, to comfort her, but he couldn’t. He needed one hand to support himself, the other to press the cloth against the wound. For a moment he closed his eyes, grimacing, fighting against the stabs of pain, the waves of darkness. “Lil…”<\/p>\n

“Wait…” Both hands against his shoulders, she cautiously pulled back, checking if he would be able to hold his own. He did. “Wait…” She jumped up and scurried back to the dead horse. She had seen the throng of canteens at its saddle before. One was almost empty, one half filled, two appeared to be full. She hastily gathered them and ran back to Adam.<\/p>\n

Adam gritted his teeth as she softly started to cool his head and neck, to clean his wounds. She was wasting time – and water. She had to get out of the desert… His eyes wandered to Chai and he wondered if the stallion would last much longer without sufficient rest. The other horses were gone, one dead. His eyes glided across the area and it occurred to him that he didn’t know where exactly they were. The sun was already lowering – and it had been the early morning when the comancheros had captured him. She was stranded in the middle of the desert, as good as alone since he was in no shape to be of any help for her. What should he do? Tell her to ride back the same way she came from? With her poor sense of direction? With her horse in as bad a shape as it was? With merely one or two hours until nightfall? She would have no chance… He groaned at the thought.<\/p>\n

“Oh, Adam, I’m sorry…” Lilyah almost jumped at his groan. “I didn’t want to hurt you. I’ll be careful…” She wetted the cloth again, trying to cool his forehead and temples. The heat had gotten to him, the effects of the sun were almost worse than those of the wounds.<\/p>\n

“Lil…” He tried to get his thoughts together, to concentrate. “Does anybody know… you rode after me?”<\/p>\n

“Yes. Two men, one was from the Ponderosa. Mori… Morey…”<\/p>\n

“Bill Morley?”<\/p>\n

“Yes.” She tried to remember the other name, but couldn’t. Her brow darkened. “The other one said you were dead. He didn’t want to ride, and Chai bit him.”<\/p>\n

Adam tried to make heads or tails from it, tried to not let the waves of pain affect his thinking. “Lil, what… exactly happened?” He thankfully accepted another sip of water. His throat was still hurting. Desperately trying to stay conscious and clear, he listened to her account. “God…” He shook his head. There was no chance anyone could even get started looking for her before the next morning, and the chances of finding her in the desert were dim. His responsibility… whatever happened to her, he was the one to blame. His head sank against her shoulder once more, he was unable to hold it up. For a moment everything went black around him, until his head snapped back up. He had to stay awake… He didn’t even notice that she gently loosened the ropes around his chest, didn’t notice that they finally fell.<\/p>\n

“Lil… you… gotta get out of here…”<\/p>\n

“We both!”<\/p>\n

His brow wrinkled as he shook his head. “I… I wait here…”<\/p>\n

A dry, desperate laugh rose in her throat. “No!” She took his face in both hands. “Adam, no!”<\/p>\n

His lips parted, but no word came out. Stay awake…\u00a0stay awake…<\/em><\/p>\n

Lilyah’s heart ached upon seeing his desperate struggle to keep his consciousness. She softly covered him with the veils and some drapings. His upper body was bare, the remaining pieces of his shirt had stuck to the ropes. He had to be in so much pain. The shot wound had already bled through the bandage, and she ripped another part of her robe off to make a new one. She looked around contemplating if they could just stay where they were, but the presence of the dead men scared her. The dead horse was equally gruesome. And Adam had to get out of the sun. But suddenly, she started.<\/p>\n

“Adam, look… flies!”<\/p>\n

He moved his head, but wasn’t really able to look in the direction her chin pointed to. The droning in his head had increased, everything seemed to be turning around him. He fought. He had to stay awake. He had to find a way. She had to get out of here…\u00a0Stay awake…<\/em><\/p>\n

“Flies can only live when they have access to water!” Lilyah got up on her legs, her eyes glued on the flies that were buzzing around the deep throat cut of the dead horse. They must have come from somewhere. She looked to the ragged cliffs, maybe three or four miles away, maybe even more. There might be water, somewhere… At the same time she noticed that the hitherto low wind had increased in strength. The sky looked a lot darker than the low sun would have normally allowed, the blue color had changed to a dirty yellow. She pressed her lips together.<\/p>\n

Adam had also noticed the weather change. “Lil…” It took him enormous effort to raise his head. “You shouldn’t stay… here. Try to get to the… hills. You’ll find… shelter there. I wait here and…”<\/p>\n

She knelt beside him. “We both go!”<\/p>\n

“Lilyah…” Adam searched for the best possible words. He would only hold her up, be a burden to her, hamper or even destroy her chances to find safety. He tore up his head, aghast that he had once again started to doze off into darkness, tried to say what he wanted to say when he noticed that she was gone. He strained to turn around and his vision blackened out. He slumped into the darkness without even noticing it.<\/p>\n

“Adam!” Lilyah rushed back to him, lifted his face to her. He had fallen forward in his half seated position, his legs still bent beneath him, but he was out cold. “Oh, Adam…”<\/p>\n

Chai’s nickering tore her out of her stupor and she turned to the stallion, motioning him as close to Adam’s body as she could.<\/p>\n

“Come on, Chai, lie down!”<\/p>\n

Chai obeyed and she dropped on one knee beside Adam, trying to lift him up. It was a fruitless attempt, he was almost double her own weight, heavier even in his unconscious and limp state. “Adam…” She started crying. She did not know where to touch him. His wrists were so lacerated, trying to grab him around the cut chest or beneath the bloodied armpits seemed so cruel, yet her attempts to pull at his arms led nowhere. Her feet slipped, she fell, stumbled against Chai’s trunk. She pushed and pulled, dragged and shoved, finally giving up all attempts to avoid his wounds. “Come on! Adam… oh, come on!” Gasping from the effort, her brow breaking a sweat, she finally managed to pull him over Chai’s back, belly down. She hated to have him hanging across the saddle like this, but she had no choice. Pushing and shoving, she dragged him a few inches further, falling backwards in the dust when she let go of his arms. Panting from the exertion, she needed a moment to recover before she tore off yet another layer of her garment to wrap it around him.<\/p>\n

“Alright, Chai, up!”<\/p>\n

Chai nickered – and tried to get up. In vain.<\/p>\n

Lilyah’s eyes widened, her heart filling with fear. “Chai…”<\/p>\n

The Arabian blew and tried to clamber on his legs, falling back on his knees.<\/p>\n

“Oh, Chai…” Lilyah crouched before him, caressing his head, brushing over his face. “Please, Chai… please. I know I ask too much, but… please… I beg you, Chai, I beg you… I always relied on you… do it for me…”<\/p>\n

His eyes fixed on his mistress, Chai nickered again and gathered all his strength together. Snorting in exhaustion, he finally managed to get up, a shiver running through his body.<\/p>\n

“Chai…” Lilyah had no time to hug or even pat him, seeing Adam’s body slipping. Rushing to Chai’s side, she grabbed Adam’s legs and pushed with all she had, until he finally lay still. Crawling beneath Chai’s belly to his other side, she checked Adam’s face. He was still unconscious – at least she prayed he was just unconscious. She kissed his hair and covered his head with the silk of her veil.<\/p>\n

She then hastened to get the rest of the lasso from the dead horse, picking up the hat that lay aside.<\/p>\n

“Here, Chai.” She filled a good amount of water into the hat and let the stallion drink, wetting her fingers to cool the area around his eyes and muzzle, rubbing a bit of water behind his ears, murmuring soft loving words to him. The stallion stood with his head hanging down, not even looking behind him to examine the unusual load on his back.<\/p>\n

Lilyah slung the lasso around Adam’s body, wrapped it around Chai’s trunk, fastened it as secure as she could. If Adam would slip from Chai’s back, she’d never get him back up again. She lastly spent some more water to clean Adam’s feet, wipe the worst dirt from his badly hurt soles. Only after that was done, she allowed herself a few sips, trying to ignore the growing hunger. She had not thought of taking any food with her and cursed herself for it now. Pushing the thought away, she went to her last and most gruesome task – to retrieve her sabre that still stuck in the dead man. She almost threw up as she pulled it out, fighting down the nausea, wiping the blade through the grime time and again to clean the blood from it. It was a tedious task, as she did not want to use any of their sparse water for it, nor a piece of her robe. The once wide flowing garments had been reduced to less than half of their volume, anyway, and she might even need more of the fabrics for Adam’s wounds later on. For a moment she stood still, the sabre in her hand. She had forgotten to get its sheath and couldn’t get it now, for Adam’s body covered it. She only had thought of the dagger. She tiredly brushed a long strand of her hair back over her shoulder. She would just have to carry the sabre.<\/p>\n

The wind had increased, swirling large amounts of dust with it, hissing in a way already foreboding the howling that sure was to follow within less than an hour. She had experienced such winds at home in Morocco more than once.<\/p>\n

“Come…” She brushed over Chai’s mane and started the long foot walk to the ragged cliffs.<\/p>\n

The stallion walked at her side, slowly and with stiff legs, carrying his silent load.<\/p>\n

* * *<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

51. The Storm\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

The wind had started his howling song even before they had reached the ragged cliffs of the hills. Lilyah wrapped her remaining veil closer around her head and upper body, just to realize that the gauzy fabric wasn’t able to soften the impact of the harsh sands the wind kept on slinging against her. It hurt even though she walked next to Chai, using the horse as a windshield. Her eyes worriedly scanned over Adam’s still figure, hanging motionless across the saddle. She had done her best to secure the veils and drapings she had covered over him, used up all the remaining rope to keep them tight, but there was no way to prevent the wind getting beneath them. As soon as one corner was tucked back in, another one was blown loose. She ruefully thought of the saddle blanket and the bed roll on the dead horse’s saddle. She had seen them, but had balked at the thought of using the unclean stuff of that dirty man for Adam. Now she would be glad if she’d had at least the saddle blanket to protect his back. Had not Marfa always said that vanity was a bad advisor? Lilyah felt a new wave of tears. It was too late to go back for it. She probably wouldn’t even find the place again in this storm.<\/p>\n

The sky had become darker and the whirling dust obscured her vision. The ragged hills were but blurred shadows somewhere ahead, hardly distinguishable from the wavering sand clouds. Sudden gusts of wind threatened to blow her off her feet, causing her to cling to Chai’s mane for support.<\/p>\n

Remember where you have seen your goal, child, and keep going in a straight line! Always take care you don’t sway, but keep your line straight!<\/em><\/p>\n

It had been a game. She hadn’t believed that humans tend to walk in circles if not guided by visible goals. Her father had made her walk through the desert and sure enough, she had walked an arc, all the while believing she was walking a straight line. Since then, she had learned to check her steps.<\/p>\n

Thank you, Papa. You were so right I would need all this one day, and I never believed you…<\/em><\/p>\n

She almost could hear his laughter. Somewhere in front of her, the silhouette of a rider seemed to shimmer through the raging dust clouds, seated on a long-legged gray stallion. Jibril… She almost expected Chai to snort at his old adversary. It hadn’t been that they hated each other, they just had thought Morocco wasn’t big enough for both of them.<\/p>\n

Chai raised his head and snorted, his wide nostrils flaring as he took in the air. For a moment, Lilyah held her breath, her hands clutching the bridle. If he were to buck now, with Adam on his back…<\/p>\n

Don’t be foolish, child. Remember that horses can sense water from a mile away…<\/em><\/p>\n

Lilyah squinted in the whirling clouds, the dancing shadows of the dark around her. It really looked like there was a rider, only a few yards ahead. She clung to the vision, as she had clung to it when they had gone through that big sand storm on their last trip to Marrakech. She had ridden after that stupid yearling that had bolted away, and she would have been completely lost, had her father not found her and guided her back to the caravan… Another snort tore her out of her thoughts. Chai’s stiff steps had become livelier, his whole stance more alert, attentive. What were the words? Horses can sense water from a mile away…<\/p>\n

Let him go, child, let him go! Think of the lead camels that will always find the oasis. Horses can be just as smart…<\/em><\/p>\n

“Yes…” She didn’t hear her own voice in the roaring wind. With Chai clearly following his own way, she let herself fall back to his side, to Adam’s head. There was no sign that he was conscious, his silent body didn’t even flinch as her hand probed over his back. She couldn’t see his face, not even his head under the drapings. At least he wouldn’t get too much dust and sand in his face. Pressing herself close to Chai’s trunk, she nestled her head against Adam’s shoulder while she trudged alongside her horse, barely seeing where she went. The world around her was a maelstrom of sand, the only blessing being that they didn’t sink in.<\/p>\n

And then the squalling winds ceased, even though their deafening howling still filled the air. Lilyah raised her head, trying to see anything in the darkness around her. A steep rocky wall rose up at her side and she realized that they must be in some kind of canyon. She put the veil back and looked up, seeing the dark skies through the cleavage above. Slowly, her eyes adjusted to the darkness. She heard Chai’s snort as the stallion halted his step and shook his mane, sending a cloud of dust flying about.<\/p>\n

“Come, Chai, go ahead…” She softly patted his muzzle as he turned his head to her, wiped the dust from his nostrils and from around his eyes. Even though his long forelock and the tassles of the bridle had given him some protection, his face was crusted with grime. He certainly would love a bit of water now, but she didn’t give him some. It was his thirst that would sharpen his sense to find water, if there was any around at all. “You’ll find it, Chai, won’t you? You’ve always been so much smarter than the camels…”<\/p>\n

Chai snorted and walked on, the plodding of his hooves clearly audible now. Lilyah pressed her lips together as she realized the irregularity of his steps. She had noticed before that he had gone lame, but now she could even hear it. Her beautiful son of the wind, whose steps had always been so proud and lightly dancing on the earth – his walk sounded like that of an old, tired carriage horse, and even worse, a lame one.<\/p>\n

Lilyah gasped when a new tempest of wind hit her, indicating that they had left the protecting canyon. By now the night had fallen and it took her some effort to see anything in the dim twilight ahead. Apparently the canyon had led into a larger hollow nestled into the rocky hillsides, sheltered enough to absorb the worst of the storm raging outside, but not quite as sheltered as the canyon had been.<\/p>\n

Yet Chai seemed unwilling to go back and determinately headed for the end of the open area. Lilyah let him have his way, trusting in his instincts. It proved to be the right decision.<\/p>\n

The spring was tiny and would have been barely visible even in daylight, not much more than an inconspicious rivulet sipping from the rock, but apparently steady enough to fill a small basin at the bottom of the sandstone. Chai eagerly lowered his nose into the water and began to drink, nearly emptying the small pool. Lilyah did not attempt to stop him while her fingers probed the small rivulet. It would take some time until it would fill the basin again, but it certainly would fill it and until then, they still had the canteens. And the thirsty horse definitely needed the water.<\/p>\n

She looked around the dark place, trying to recognize details in the shadows of the night. There seemed to be caves, and a rectangular shadow close to them stirred her attention. It looked almost like a small cabin. Clutching Chai’s reins, she slowly walked over, her heart beating to her throat. Maybe there was an inhabitant…<\/p>\n

“Hello…?” She cautiously approached the decrepit compartment which turned out to be a small hut. From the little she could see in the darkness, it looked as if it had been abandoned long ago. “Hello…”<\/p>\n

The sabre in her hand, she moved towards the low door, already figuring the best ways to get Adam into the cabin. They would be sheltered in there, with a roof over their heads, safe from the still howling storm. “Hello…?”<\/p>\n

She pushed against the door to open it – and jumped back in shock as the whole contraption collapsed. Chai threw up his head and bucked backwards.<\/p>\n

“Adam!” Lilyah saw his body slipping and rushed to support him, to keep him up, but to no avail. His body slumped, but was held entangled in the ropes she had used to secure him. Lilyah’s eyes caught what seemed to be the entrance of a cave close by, or perhaps it was merely an alcove. Afraid that Adam would get even more hurt by hanging in the ropes, she motioned the horse backwards to the cave, panicking as she saw Adam’s body lurching deeper into the ropes. She frantically cut them with the sabre, letting a pained outcry when he finally fell, trying her best to soften the impact, just to break down under his weight. There was no way for her to prevent him from hitting hard on the ground.<\/p>\n

“Adam… oh, Adam, I’m sorry…” She started crying, trying to pick him up, to somehow get him to the cave. “Adam…”<\/p>\n

Adam groaned as he regained consciousness, awaking in pain and darkness. It took awhile until he noticed the small hands pulling and tugging at him, heard her crying, and it took even longer for his memory to come back. “Lil…”<\/p>\n

“Adam!” Her heart made a leap. “Adam, can you move a bit… just a bit…” She uncovered his face, saw his painstricken grimace and sobbed even more. “We’ll be safer over there, out of the wind… it’s just a few yards…”<\/p>\n

Adam rolled around, summoning all his strength to fight himself on his knees, to get up. His lacerated feet felt like they were drowsed in fire, and he couldn’t prevent a sharp hiss at his first attempt to place one foot on the ground. It was impossible for him to stand, he fell down again. Lilyah did what she could to support him, but when he inadvertantly tried to steady himself on her shoulder, she stumbled to her knees. He could feel her despair as she struggled to lift him up, he heard her crying and it cut into his heart. For a moment Adam felt like screaming, like yelling at her to leave him alone, to not waste her strength any further. Gritting his teeth, he pulled himself to the spot she so desperately tried to push him to, finally slumping against a rocky wall. It was only when the gusts of wind stopped throwing grime against him that he noticed they had been there at all. Groaning again, he rolled on his side to relieve his hurting back. His whole body was burning, his head was throbbing with heat. He felt the sweat breaking from his brow, felt as if he were being whirled about even though he knew he was lying on the ground.<\/p>\n

“Wait…” Lilyah scrambled to her feet and hastened out of the cave’s entry to get to Chai. With flying hands she unsaddled the horse and carried saddle and saddle blanket to Adam, along with the canteens and the water bag.<\/p>\n

“You shouldn’t lie in the dirt.” She knelt beside him, trying to place the saddle blanket beneath his back, trying to make him lie on it.<\/p>\n

“Lil…” Adam shook his head. He didn’t want to lie on the blanket, he didn’t want her to fuss over him like this. He could barely see her in the darkness, but he still felt her exhaustion, could hear the tremor in her voice. She needed rest…\u00a0he<\/em>\u00a0was the one who should care for\u00a0her<\/em>, not vice versa. But he couldn’t even get the words out.<\/p>\n

“Adam, please!” She tore at his arms, pushed and shoved until he finally relented and dragged himself on the blanket.<\/p>\n

“Here…” She opened the water bag and let him drink, wetted a cloth to cool his face. “Chai has found a spring! Outside… we’ll have water enough! And we’ll be safe from the storm in this cave.” She placed the cloth on his forehead. “You’re feverish… but I think that’s from the heat. It’s what Europeans get when they ride out into the desert and underrate the sun…” Her fingers caressed his face. “It will be better tomorrow, after you’ve slept…” Her voice was shaky, she sounded like she wanted to reassure herself just as much as him. She began to clean the bloodied wounds on his back and shoulders, but stopped mid movement. “Adam, I can’t see anything… I can’t see…” Her voice broke as she tried to fight back the tears. She didn’t want to cry all the time, but she couldn’t help it.<\/p>\n

“Lil, it’s… alright…” Adam reached out for her, his hand found her head and pressed it against his shoulder. “It’s alright…”<\/p>\n

“But your wounds… they’re bleeding… the shot wound…”<\/p>\n

He shook his head. “Not deep…” He cleared his throat. “Bullet… went through… not stuck…” His hand glided over her hair, trying to pull her closer to him. All he wanted was for her to calm down, he wanted to comfort her, let her cry. She shouldn’t be in such a horrible position, in such miserable shape. She had deserved better than that. But he couldn’t hold her when she pulled back, her hands probing over his side.<\/p>\n

“Adam, the bandage has slipped… oh, sorry… so sorry…” She almost screamed as her fingers touched into the wound, causing him to hiss, to flinch away in pain. “I didn’t see it… I’m sorry…”<\/p>\n

Adam gnashed his teeth and fought to conceal his pain. He heard her ripping more fabrics, felt her fingers carefully cleaning the wound, felt her applying the new bandage. A persistent drone increased in his head and somewhere deep inside he knew that the shot wound\u00a0was<\/em>\u00a0bleeding, and that the resulting blood loss was nothing to take lightly. He strenuously arched his back to help her fastening the bandage. Struggling against the waves of numbness that threatened to drown out his senses, he tried to ascertain their situation. Where were they? Lilyah obviously had managed to reach the hillsides, but those hillsides stretched across a good hundred miles. He had never heard of a spring anywhere in that desert. His thoughts began to frizzle, no matter how hard he tried to concentrate.<\/p>\n

“Wait…” Lilyah carefully covered his body with another draping and got up.<\/p>\n

Adam turned his head, trying to see where she went, but his eyes couldn’t penetrate the darkness. Merely a greyish blur in the blackness indicated the outside, filled with wavering clouds of dust. In an attempt to steady himself, his hand swept through the grime, touching something metallic. Startled, his fingers probed what seemed to be a rusty piece of iron, a gad… a wedge. Adam closed his eyes as his hand clutched around the iron. The cave wasn’t a cave. It was a mining shaft. He heard the clip-clop of hooves as Lilyah led the horse into the entrance, echoing hollowly from the depths behind them. He had heard these same hollow echoes before. For one mindless moment, all he wanted was to get up and run.<\/p>\n

“Adam!” Lilyah rushed over to him, crouching beside him. “Adam, don’t move… lie still! You need to rest…”<\/p>\n

Adam slumped down again, the wedge fell from his fingers, producing a low clang. His lips moved, trying to say something, but he couldn’t get to it. From one heart beat to the next, his consciousness faded away.<\/p>\n

“Adam?” A trace of panic lingered in Lilyah’s voice before she calmed herself down, reminding herself that unconsciousness was best for Adam, would result in sleep, in recovery. And as long as he was unconscious, he was in no pain.<\/p>\n

She softly brushed over his shoulder before she got up to take the bridle of Chai’s head, caused the stallion to lie down. He also needed his rest, a good night’s sleep.<\/p>\n

Tired, hungry and exhausted, Lilyah finally returned to Adam and crouched next to him, rolling herself together like a little cat. Her shoulder came to lie on the wedge and she unwillingly took it and pushed it away. The ground was hard and she was cold, having lost most of her garments. Adam’s hand lay close to her and she took it in both of hers, kissed it, nestled her face into it. The tears started running once again, and she finally moved as close to him as she possibly could, cuddling against him. He was warm, he was alive, he was\u00a0there<\/em>. Focussed on the soothing warmth of his hand against her cheek, she fell asleep.<\/p>\n

* * *<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

One foot after the other.<\/p>\n

Adam barely felt the ropes around his chest, stretched between the two horses, as he blindly trudged on. He heard the crack of the whip and convulsed as the leather bit into his bloodied back. His tied hands balled to fists, he stumbled forward. The next thing he realized was that he was lying flat on the ground, his feet still moving, scraping across the grime. He could not recall having fallen.<\/p>\n

“Ain’t you curious to meet our client?” Mocking Voice laughed. “Look here, there he is!”<\/p>\n

Adam painstakingly lifted his head, but he could not open his eyes, crusted with a sticky mixture of dirt and sweat. He could not see anything, but he still heard the raucous laughter. And he knew this laughter. It had haunted him before. But he was dead… dead…<\/p>\n

“Are you still so sure of yourself, Cartwright?”<\/p>\n

Adam threw himself around, trying to get on his feet, but something grabbed hold of him and he broke down again.<\/p>\n

“S’good that you brought him here! I really need him to work the mine again after losing the mule!”<\/p>\n

“Adam!”<\/em><\/p>\n

“That’s all he’s good for!” Mocking Voice scoffed. “Functioning, functioning, functioning!”<\/p>\n

“Functioning, functioning, functioning!” echoed the comancheros, in a queer chorus.<\/p>\n

“Adam!”<\/em><\/p>\n

“Of course he’ll be functioning!” Kane’s voice again, saturated with glee. “He’s well trained. He’ll always do what he is expected to do. No surprises here. I knew that the minute I first saw him!” He sneered. “In fact, he’s just so predictable!”<\/p>\n

“No!” Adam writhed, rolled around, tried to buck against the restraints. He heard the snort of a horse, felt something pulling him down. A searing pain shot from his right foot to his brain as his lacerated sole scratched over the gravel in his futile attempt to thrust himself up. “No!!”<\/p>\n

“ADAM!!!”<\/p>\n

He tore his eyes open, aghast, staring from inside the mine to the rocks outside. The small hollow in front of the dead mine… the boulders… all that was missing was the contraption covered with canvas, with the ridiculous table beneath, the wagon behind…<\/p>\n

“You can’t escape me, Cartwright – or yourself!”<\/em><\/p>\n

“Adam!” Lilyah had slung both arms around him, trying her best to support him as he slowly lowered himself into a lying position again. His face was covered with sweat, his breathing hard, his eyes still staring. She softly brushed back the dishevelled black hair, probed over his temple and forehead and felt the heat. “Adam, you’ve dreamt… you’ve just dreamt…”<\/p>\n

The haze before his eyes began to fade as he looked up, trying to see her face. For a moment he felt bashful, ashamed of himself, still entangled in the haunting images but with his memory slowly coming back. The desert, the storm, the mountains… He looked above him, to the low, cut-rock ceiling of the oppressive cave. They still were in a mine.<\/p>\n

“Here, drink…” Lilyah nudged the mound of the water bag to his lips.<\/p>\n

Adam fluttered his lids, confused. He hadn’t even noticed that she had got up… had she got up? He couldn’t tell. The water did him good, soothed his hurting throat, quenched his thirst that he hadn’t noticed before. His lips moved as she gently wiped his face with a wet cloth, cooling his heated skin. He had to get up now, take over, see what he could do to get them out of this place…<\/p>\n

“Adam, no… stay put.” Her hand pressed against his shoulder. “You shouldn’t move…”<\/p>\n

He looked up to her and swallowed. She looked terrible… Her small face was bruised and dirtied, dried blood sticking to her nose, her brow and the side of her mouth. Strands of her dark long hair were hanging loose, the usually so shiny flood was tousled, dirtied with dust, so much that parts of it looked almost grey. The once so precious robe had been torn to shreds and what was left much looked like it was merely the underdress. It left her arms bare and Adam recalled her telling him that a decent Arab woman wouldn’t go about with bare arms. Something started burning in his eyes. She hadn’t deserved this…\u00a0She had not deserved this!<\/em><\/p>\n

Lilyah helplessly watched his eyes closing, watched the pained expression on his face, the furrowing of his brows. She felt that there was a storm raging beneath his tensed features, but he kept it all inside, forced it all back in, swallowed it down. Her fingers glided caressingly over his face, hoping to somehow reach through to him. He turned his face away and she felt like crying. Pulling herself together, she checked his bullet wound and noticed with horror that it had bled through the bandage.<\/p>\n

“Adam, I’ll have to change this…”<\/p>\n

He nodded his head, feeling guilty. He knew he had pushed her away and he couldn’t even understand why. His whole inside longed for her touch, for her embrace. All he wanted was to bury himself in her loving tenderness, feel her arms around him, cry at her breast. Yet the very thought paralyzed him, and he endured her tending to his wounds in rigid stiffness.<\/p>\n

“I’ll look if we can find something to eat…” Lilyah gingerly covered a veil over him. “You better stay in the shade. The heat hurt you yesterday, I think you got a sunstroke. Try to sleep…”<\/p>\n

“Lil…” His jaw worked, his lips moved, but the words didn’t come.<\/p>\n

“It’s alright…” She bowed down to him and kissed his cheek. “You just need some rest…”<\/p>\n

He knitted his brow. It wasn’t right. He should get up, take over… he should… he had to… get up…<\/p>\n

Lilyah felt a lump in her throat as she watched his eyes glazing, closing, watched his tension dissolve as sleep, or rather unconsciousness, conquered him. She could only hope that the fever she could feel in him came from the heat he had had to endure the day before, and not from any of his wounds. She had done her best to clean them all, but she knew that her attempts had been provisional at best. Her finger followed the deepened lines under his eyes that so clearly reflected his ordeal, gingerly brushed over his lips. He would need all his strength to get over all this.<\/p>\n

A pang in her stomach reminded her of her hunger. She hadn’t eaten anything yesterday, having left the Ponderosa without breakfast, and she had no food with her. She angrily pressed her lips together. Had not her father always admonished her to never ride out without sufficient supplies, because no one could ever know what the day would bring? And even worse, Adam would need something to eat, too, more so than she did. Heaving a deep breath, she brushed back a strand of hair and took her dagger before she got up.<\/p>\n

Chai greeted her with a snort as she stepped out of the cave. Lilyah grimaced as she saw him slowly coming towards her, as she noticed his swollen legs, his uneven steps.<\/p>\n

“Poor boy…” She caressed his muzzle and brushed over his neck, murmuring softly to him. His coat was so dirty that he could barely be recognized as a black. But his eyes were clear and alert as he lovingly nuzzled over her, he carried his head with his typical lively pride. He wouldn’t need more than two or three days to recover.<\/p>\n

“Come, boy!” Lilyah led him to the spring and saw that it was half filled again – or rather half emptied as the stallion doubtlessly had already drunk. Now in daylight she could see that her initial presumption was right, that the small rivulet dripping from a crack in the rock continuously kept on filling the basin. It wasn’t deep enough to dip a canteen in to fill it, let alone the larger water bag, but it was water enough to survive – and given the location in that dry wasteland, a blessing from heaven. She sacrificed more shreds from her dilapidated gown to wet them in the water and then wrap them tightly around Chai’s canon bones. It was all she could do now. Her eyes scanned over the sparse bushels of low shrubs scattered between the rocks. Food for the stallion would also be tight.<\/p>\n

She fastened the last bandage and straightened up to look around the place. It was but a small niche at the side of the higher hills, with rocks and boulders littered about. She could see the mountains in the distance and nothing but barren wasteland between. The only thing that really caught her eye were the remains of the shack that had collapsed the night before.<\/p>\n

Clutching the dagger, she approached the site of the broken hut, glad that Chai stayed at her side. It still seemed hard to believe that her push had caused the whole cabin to crumble, but then she had a closer look at the greyish wooden planks and saw how brittle they were. They seemed much too thin to build even a humble shack and looked like they were hit by something before. Her gaze wandered across the scattered rocks and then up the steep hillside. It wasn’t a comfortable thought that another round of rocks could tumble from above at any given time.<\/p>\n

Lilyah placed the dagger on a rock where it would be in reach and started searching through the rubble. She found a couple of shovels, a pick, a pair of tongs, a strange wire basket and two pots. Further digging in the dirt produced a couple of rusty tin plates along with some cups and crooked flatware. She picked out the pieces with the least amount of rust on them and felt content after all. The cups would help getting the water out of the basin, the brittle wood could be used for a fire, the pots and dishes for eating. All that remained now was finding something to eat.<\/p>\n

She took the dagger and threw a last look at the entry to the cave in which she knew Adam. Her whole inside wanted to rush back to him, but it didn’t help any. She had to find something to eat.<\/p>\n

“Come on, Chai…” She slowly walked out into the wasteland, leaving the hollow behind. Even though it was still early in the day and the sun poised low above the earth, the heat was already stinging, especially on her head and the bare arms. Lilyah pressed her lips together and looked down at herself. There wasn’t much left on her gown to cut off in order to use it as a veil. It would be best to just avoid the harshest sun – which in effect meant that she had to find something edible now, before the day had reached its hottest.<\/p>\n

Chai was successful to find a few clumps of dried, hard grass which he hungrily devoured, but other than that there seemed to be nothing but barren shrubs. Lilyah’s hopes sank, but then she detected a whole group of cacti growing in a sink between several boulders. They looked the same as the fig cacti she knew from home, with their flat, briery pads and the reddish, prickly fruits growing all around those pads. The fruits here were mostly greenish, apparently not ripe yet, but they still were edible, as were the pads.<\/p>\n

Lilyah spun around and literally ran back to the hollow. She knew those cacti too well to attempt picking any figs with her bare hands; she had done this once as a child and had learned the hard way that even when one avoided the visible needles, there still were those fine, barbed spines that stuck in the skin, almost impossible to get out, but quite able to produce a nasty infection.<\/p>\n

Adam was still sleeping when she returned to the cave, lying so still that for a moment she felt fear and crouched down next to him. He breathed… rather shallow and flat, but regularly. His forehead was covered with sweat and she gently dabbed it off, as gingerly as possible to not wake him up. She had to fight down the wish to cradle his face in her hands and kiss him, but she didn’t want to disturb his sleep. He needed it so badly after all he’d been through.<\/p>\n

She silently retrieved the sabre and left the cave to run to the remains of the shack. The big bowl-like basket came handy now, even though it was much heavier than it looked. The tongs were a blessing, well suited to pluck the figs. Galvanized by the prospect of having some food soon, she picked everything up and hastened back to where she had found the cacti.<\/p>\n

At least they wouldn’t starve now.<\/p>\n

* * *<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

52. In the Hollow\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

“Mister Cartwright, Mister Cartwright!” the cowboy on the galloping horse yelled from afar at the top of his lungs. “Mister Cartwright!”<\/p>\n

Ben hastily turned in the saddle as the man brought his visibly exhausted horse to a sliding halt, his eyes hung on the sweaty and agitated face. He didn’t dare asking what this man might have detected.<\/p>\n

“Mister Cartwright, there are sheep on the land!”<\/p>\n

“Sheep…” Ben’s face darkened, his lips thinned. “My son is out there and you pester me about\u00a0sheep?<\/em>”<\/p>\n

“But… Mister Cartwright…” The cowboy pulled an uncomfortable face. A slightly offended one as well, as he had ridden like hell to break the news to the boss. “They’re all over the open range, a mighty big herd! They’re ripping off ev’ry little bit of grass that is left! Real filthy folks that drove them there, and they ain’t listenen to no-one. Thought ya oughta know that!”<\/p>\n

Ben heaved a deep breath and fought down his rapidly erupting anger. No matter how preoccupied his mind was, he still realized the bearing of this message. And he wasn’t the only one, as the rising murmur around him proved.<\/p>\n

“Ben…” William Simmons shifted awkwardly in the saddle. “This is serious… I mean… Sheep are like locusts on the land! We gotta drive them off, or else the range is gone.”<\/p>\n

Several voices rose in the affirmation and the restlessness that spread among the men was evident. Ben pressed his lips together. Most of them were ranchers, anxious for their battered, dried out land. A big herd of sheep definitely was the last thing anybody wanted to see in the area. His eyes wandered into the sheer endless desert. They hadn’t even searched a fringe of that vast wasteland.<\/p>\n

“Ben…” Simmons cleared his throat. “You’ve got to understand… My pastures border to the east of the range. If those sheep spread over there, that’ll be a disaster for me.”<\/p>\n

“We’ll drive them off and come back to the posse!” someone called out.<\/p>\n

“Ben?”<\/p>\n

“Ben, you’ve got the most to lose with your herd on the range!” another rancher chimed in. “We’ll take care of that for you as well!”<\/p>\n

Ben took another deep breath and nodded his head without looking at anyone. He didn’t need to look to sense the relief all around him. He didn’t want to see the majority of the men riding off. A part of his mind could even understand them. They had found nothing in Bitter Springs, no comancheros, no gang, nothing. No one there had seen or heard anything. All they had been able to find out was that there had been a vicious sandstorm the previous night. And that was all – not much for a posse to go by. He heard the murmured apologies, the sound of men turning their horses and cantering off. He forced himself not to think that no one believed Adam could be found alive anyway.<\/p>\n

“Guess our best bet is to cross the desert in the direction of Falls Flat!” Henry Miller had halted his horse next to Ben. “But I’d suggest we get some more water before we start. It’s a tough ride through that desert!”<\/p>\n

Ben slowly moved his head to regard the brawny rancher from the side. “Your best pasture is even closer to the range than Simmons’.”<\/p>\n

Henry shrugged his shoulder. “So is yours. Maybe I’m lucky and they spread on Ponderosa land.”<\/p>\n

For the first time since Bill Morley had informed him about what had happened to Adam, Ben felt a tinge of warmth inside. He cast the rugged man a grateful look. “Guess we can buy additional canteens in Bitter Springs.”<\/p>\n

“It’s some 30 or 40 miles from here to Falls Flat.” Sheriff Coffee pushed back his hat as he glanced across the barren land. “Since they didn’t arrive here, they oughta be stuck somewhere between. Unless they headed for Alkali Flats…”<\/p>\n

“Can’t see no traces here.” Hoss rubbed his eyes. He had scanned almost every inch of ground between the desert and the few buildings of Bitter Springs, as useless as it might have seemed after a sandstorm. If the people in the village had lied for whatever reason, and the comancheros had made it to Bitter Springs, they certainly would have arrived last night. They could be anywhere by now. The big man pressed his lips together and squinted into the barren lands that stretched far and wide around them. He could care less where the comancheros were. All he cared about was his brother.<\/p>\n

“Let’s get going!” Little Joe turned his pinto. “Hey, Frank, you’d better change your horse. The palomino seems rather spent; I wouldn’t take him on such a hard ride!”<\/p>\n

Frank Miller sighed. “Yeah, it was a long night for him. I was so sure I had found a trace of that puma and just couldn’t keep off the track. I spent all night on a stupid wild goose chase and I guess the puma had a good laugh at me. If only I’d known…”<\/p>\n

Ben looked him over. “You must be pretty tired yourself.”<\/p>\n

“Not too tired to search for Adam!” Frank replied. “I just hope they have a decent horse in that petty encampment here.”<\/p>\n

Ben bestowed the young man with a warm look. “I’m sure glad you were in the area. We can use every additional pair of eyes!” After most members of their small posse had left, he appreciated the Millers’ unwavering assistance even more. They were but seven now – he and his sons, the sheriff, the Millers and Jess Turner, the cowboy who had informed him about the sheep. They had been forced to split their group before; a couple of men led by Bill Morley had set out for Falls Flat in order to look for the Arab lady. She had disappeared after her mindless charge into the desert, chances were that she was stranded after her horse had been finished. Adam wouldn’t like it… Adam wouldn’t like it one bit…<\/p>\n

“Pa…” Hoss’s call tore him out of his thoughts and he turned his buckskin to ride back to the village. They needed a good amount of water for the long ride that lay before them, and young Miller needed a fresh horse. Choices were dim with the livery stable in Bitter Springs not being much more than a shed next to the rundown saloon. It was a godforgotten spot in an uninviting area, passer-throughs were few and far between.<\/p>\n

“I’d suggest we spread out.” Frank didn’t look particularly satisfied as he settled on a bony roan. “You ride straight ahead while Joe and I take this route.” He pointed into the desert. “That way, we can cover more space.”<\/p>\n

“Good idea!” Sheriff Coffee acknowledged. “But you might take another man with you. We’re seven, we can split four to three.”<\/p>\n

“Ah, no, we won’t stray too far.” Frank mounted the roan. “And maybe you’ll also divert. This is an enormously wide range we have to cover.”<\/p>\n

“Good!” Ben’s eyes were already on the wide wasteland. He tried not to think the worst. Hadn’t they found Adam alive before, in an equally hopeless situation? In almost the same area? Three years ago? He determinedly pressed his lips together as he nudged the buckskin forward. “And whoever sees anything, fires three shots.”<\/p>\n

The men nodded to each other and set out for their search.<\/p>\n

* * *<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

“Adam, please… I tried my best to scratch off the burn…”<\/p>\n

Adam fought to keep his eyes open, to focus on the strange little piece that got pushed towards his lips. He was hot, bathed in sweat, his perception waning and waxing in confusing waves. He had barely noticed her hands pushing and tugging at him to shove the Arab saddle behind his neck and shoulders and still it had severely exhausted him. His breathing was hard.<\/p>\n

“You’ve got to eat something!” The small crumb kept being nudged against his lips. “It’s all I could find, and I had to burn off the needles.”<\/p>\n

He finally focussed on her face, her small figure crouched at his side. Her sight pained him beyond measuring. His precious little fairy queen that he ought to love, protect and cherish – ragged and desolate, she looked like a broken doll that someone had carelessly tossed into the dirt. He hesitatingly opened his mouth and began to chew on a tough piece of an obscure fruit. Apparently it wasn’t quite ripe, burnt on the outside and raw in the inside, cut in little bits. Swallowing came hard and hurt deep in his chest. He felt that he broke another sweat. A second crumb was pushed against his lips and he reluctantly accepted it. She was right, he had to eat, and still he felt like screaming, like wanting to turn away and end all this.<\/p>\n

“I should have cut them smaller…” Lilyah had noticed his painful swallowing and put down the bowl, reaching for her dagger to begin cutting up the small chunks.<\/p>\n

“It’s… alright…” Adam could now smell the fire that she had lit at the mine’s entry. There was a peculiar draft in the hollow, sucking a part of the smoke into the shaft – just like it had been at Kane’s mine. He always had smelled the fire while working… Adam shook off the thought. He could see the basket filled with parts and pieces of cacti, and he heard the munching of a horse. He turned his head as far as he could and spotted the Arabian, the black muzzle sifting through a small heap of what seemed to be burnt cactus pads. His legs were bandaged with pieces of silk, his coat was crusted in dust and dirt. Adam felt another pang of hurt. He couldn’t look into Lilyah’s face anymore. His eyes half closed, he continued eating the bits she fed to him, his mind churning around the question whether the stallion had recovered enough to carry her out of the desert or not. And how he could possibly get her to leave, to find her way back. She had to get back! She had to…<\/p>\n

Lilyah felt a lump in her throat. Not one look… not one more word… and the one look she did catch from his eye had been filled with pain and regret. She put down the bowl when a weak shake of his head told her that he’d had enough and reached out for the damp cloth to wipe the sweat from his brow. He still was in a fever and doubtlessly in a lot of pain from his many injuries. He had lost a lot of blood, particularly through the gunshot wound. While it had stopped bleeding through the bandage, the blood loss it had already caused was severe and it showed not only in his weakness. His skin was waxen white, tinted with blue shades under his eyes, his lips almost had no color. The black beard stubbles made his complexion even paler. But most disturbing was that he had shut into himself, as if he had erected a wall between them. She felt so clearly that he just didn’t want to be cared for, that he didn’t want her to care for him – and it hurt. She pushed the saddle to the wall and lowered his head to the ground. His eyes had closed, nothing indicated that he was even awake anymore. Her eyes filmed with tears as she softly stroked over his hand, his usually so strong, energetic hand. It lay limp and lifeless at his side.<\/p>\n

“Chai, don’t!” She started as she saw the stallion closing in on the cactus basket. He had eaten all the pads she had flamed off for him and obviously wanted some more. She hastily stuffed some of the fig bits into her mouth and offered the rest to the horse. She would have to burn the thorns and needles from the parts still in the basket.<\/p>\n

She cast a last, sad look at Adam who apparently had lost consciousness again and moved to the fireplace to get to work. Using the tongs to hold a piece of pad or a fig into the flames and then her dagger to scratch of the thorns was a rather tedious task, with some risk of burning her fingers, and an even bigger risk of dropping the piece into the fire. She threw her hair back to keep it from getting near the flames and felt the sun stinging on her bare arms, her exposed shoulders. It was hot, as hot as in Morocco.<\/p>\n

Morocco…<\/p>\n

Lilyah mechanically held another pad over the flames. None of this would have happened in Morocco. No one would have dared to treat the future son-in-law of Sheikh Rashid Al-Sharieh like this! And what about all the rest? All his struggles, his sorrows, his disappointments? His plans that were shattered, the land he had lost? Were a young man’s dreams worth anything in this vast, strange, cruel country? What had Old Grumpy said about how it all had changed, how it wasn’t possible anymore to build a life ‘down there’? Her eyes wandered across the steep rocks surrounding the hollow, but before her inner eye she saw the wide plains of her own home country. In Morocco, Adam would be the son-in-law of Sheikh Rashid Al-Sharieh! He would be treated with utmost respect! Christian or not, people would bow before him, bestow upon him the honors and reverence that a member of a noble family deserved. As her husband, he would inherit the horse stud with everything that belonged to it. He would own the land, the house, the stables, all the herds, the finest brood mares in the country, blood lines whose fame far exceeded the borders of Morocco. The ghost of a smile stole over her lips. Uncle Ali would fall all over himself to help Adam get settled, out of his mind with joy that his brother’s only child was finally willing to marry. And her aunts would be jubilant.<\/p>\n

The weak smile died off. Her own freedom would be over. Adam was a Christian, a foreigner; in the beginning he wouldn’t even speak the language. Even though people wouldn’t deny him the respect he deserved as Sheikh Rashid’s son-in-law, he wouldn’t automatically have the great authority that her father had had. The sheikh got away with letting his daughter live freely and romp about like a young man, but Adam certainly wouldn’t. She would have to live as decent and humble and pious as Aunt Fatima so people could see what a fine and upright man he was, just as good as any decent Muslim man. She already could see herself kneeling in the mosque every Friday and indulging in all the other utterly boring pastimes that made up her aunts’ utterly boring lives. Maybe Adam would even convert, the imam certainly would work tirelessly on it.<\/p>\n

“Oh…” She hastily pulled a hopelessly burnt cactus pad out of the fire and tossed it away. The tongs had really gotten hot by now and the smoke burnt in her eyes. Traditional conventions… how she had tried to shake them off, travelling halfway around the world to flee from them. If only Adam would be willing to live small and poor, hidden away in a hut in the mountains like Old Grumpy and Walking Deer – she would love it! But he wasn’t, he wanted more. A sigh escaped her lips. Wasn’t it actually only a small price to pay? She pictured Adam riding to Ras Madeeh, the small village at the slopes of the Atlas bordering her father’s land. Adam’s land, in fact, for he would be the owner of it all. People left and right would bow to him, every cafe owner would consider it a great honor if he would pay a visit. Servants would care for his horse and his every comfort. No one would ever dare to hurt him. And Ben Cartwright wouldn’t have anything to say, either. If he’d ever come to visit, he could chew on the fact that even his son’s horse stables looked more exquisite and more noble than his Ponderosa ranch house.<\/p>\n

Wouldn’t that be the life Adam deserved? He certainly would love Morocco; the landscape was as free and as wide as Nevada, and all the countries he longed to visit were much closer. He’d even have good reasons to go there – her father had sold horses as far away as England. He could go on a business trip, sell horses and then sit in this London Lyceum Theatre he had talked about and watch as much Shakespeare as he pleased.<\/p>\n

“Chai, would you just wait? They’re still hot!” She pushed the horse’s nose away and cut the pads into slices so they would cool down faster. “You still got some, eat those first!” Chai nickered, nuzzling over her shoulder. The ones she was still busy with seemed so much more interesting than those she had tossed to him.<\/p>\n

Lilyah offered him another load of cactus pads and covered the unprepared ones in the basket with rocks to make sure the nosy stallion wouldn’t get to them. The best figs she stored away in a small bowl to save them for Adam. It might be a good idea to go to the cactus place again later when the sun was setting and the merciless heat subsided. She carefully approached Adam to pick the cloth from his forehead to refresh it at the rivulet. He was still unconscious and feverish, but she hoped it was the effect of the heat exhaustion he had suffered during his ordeal. None of his injuries appeared to be inflamed, even the gunshot wound looked clean and showed no signs of pus. The heavy bleeding had likely washed out all the dirt.<\/p>\n

The water in the sink was lukewarm, but the rivulet itself was cool. She tried her best to save the water directly from the rock to have it as cool as possible. It seemed to take forever until she finally had a good share together. Just as she pondered whether she should wash at least her face at the sink, Chai’s big shadow fell over her and he lowered his nose into the water. He drank until it was completely empty and she sighed a little. Wetting a cloth, she rubbed her face with it and hoped that it would do. What did she look like, anyway? Her glance wandered down at her dilapidated gown, or better at what was left from it. It was ripped and dirty, and her hair was a tangled mess. Certainly not a nice sight for Adam to look at… She swallowed down new tears and wearily went back to him, kneeling at his side, cooling his heated face. He moved in his sleep, his face grimaced, twitched. Lilyah helplessly looked on, softly brushing the black hair from his forehead.<\/p>\n

* * *<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

“The lady’s horse?” Frank Miller did not dismount.<\/p>\n

“No.” Little Joe had jumped from his pinto and examined the dead horse they had spotted. “Thank God it isn’t. But this’s strange…” He checked on the canteens that were still hanging from the saddle. Even the rifle stuck in its scabbard. The horse itself, as far as he could see in the dark, had succumbed to thirst and exhaustion. He scratched his head and looked up to the young Miller. “Looks like it has run away from its owner. Canteens are full, a good rifle’s hanging at the saddle…” He touched the carcass. “Poor thing. Seems like it has wandered through the desert for hours on end without getting anywhere. And all the time with the water canteens dangling from the saddle horn.” He started as he regarded the sinister look on Frank’s face. Even in this darkness he could see the frown. “What’s up? Never seen a dead horse before?”<\/p>\n

Frank let a short laugh. “Ah, no. I’m just tired. Remember I haven’t slept last night.”<\/p>\n

“Yeah…” Joe nodded his head. It was the wee hours of the new day and he was tired himself. They had searched and searched all day and almost all of the night, and they had found nothing. He took the rifle from the dead horse’s saddle and climbed back on his pinto. “Tell you what, I’m not going to drag the whole saddle along!”<\/p>\n

“We’re short of Falls Flat, are we?”<\/p>\n

“Yeah.”<\/p>\n

“Maybe the others have found something…”<\/p>\n

“No, they would’ve given a signal.” Joe threw a last look at the dead horse. “Wonder if it belonged to one of the guys that got Adam.”<\/p>\n

“No idea…”<\/p>\n

“There ain’t many people riding through that darn desert! I mean, no one sane rides through that desert! S’gotta be one of theirs. But…” Joe broke off. If the comancheros really lost a horse, what would that mean for his brother? How would they have lost it, anyway? And how far had this animal wandered through the merciless heat? So far that it had perished?<\/p>\n

He abruptly turned his horse and galloped off, with little care that the pinto was exhausted. Frank had no choice but to follow.<\/p>\n

They arrived at Falls Flat’s livery stable almost simultaneously with the rest of their small posse, and one look in the worn faces told them that all the desperate search had brought to light was a dead horse.<\/p>\n

* * *<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam was torn out of his sleep by a shrill neighing, the rapid staccato of hooves and a yelping squeal that reminded him of a beaten dog.<\/p>\n

“Chai!” Lilyah hastily sprang on her feet and rushed out of the mine shaft.<\/p>\n

“Lil… no…” Adam tried to get up but broke down again. Panting and gnashing his teeth, he strained to force himself up. The stallion neighed again and the crashing of his hooves sounded as if he were hitting at something. Adam could barely keep himself on his knees. The heatwaves welling up in him threatened to drown out his consciousness.<\/p>\n

“Chai! Come here!” Lilyah’s call came from the dark outside. “Come here and leave the jackals alone!”<\/p>\n

Adam heard the stallion approaching, heard his frantic snorting and nickering and could easily figure how riled up the horse was.<\/p>\n

“Lilyah!” His voice almost failed him, his arms trembled convulsively in his attempt to keep himself from breaking down. What if there were a serious danger? He would be in no shape to protect her…<\/p>\n

“Adam!” She appeared beside him, trying to make him lie back. “Adam, don’t move… it’s alright! There was a jackal or something, but Chai chased it away!”<\/p>\n

He tried to catch his breath. The water source – the only water source in a wide distance. It was likely it attracted all kinds of animals. “Coyote… perhaps…” He tried to clear his vision. It was night outside, the fire had burnt down and he could scarcely make out Chai’s shadow in the entrance. “There’re… no jackals in Nevada…” He hoped it was a coyote and not a wolf. What if a wolf had attacked her? His hand blindly probed about and it suddenly dawned in on him that he didn’t have a gun. Had she thought of taking one? He didn’t dare ask…<\/p>\n

“Adam, lie down. You’re still weak, you shouldn’t stress yourself…” Her small hands were all over him.<\/p>\n

He shook his head. “I gotta get out for a minute.”<\/p>\n

Her eyes grew big. “Adam, no! The jackal… I mean, the coyote might still be around!”<\/p>\n

Adam took a deep breath and realized that the coyote was the least of his problems. He wasn’t even sure if he could make it on his feet, let alone do a step. But he felt a rather natural need.<\/p>\n

“Coyotes run from men…” He tried what he could to get up. His legs were like pudding and when he put a foot on the ground, a sharp pain made him hiss before he could prevent it. Vertigo grabbed him and he knew that he would have fallen down again, had it not been for Lilyah’s support. He wavered, clasping at the cut-rock wall to steady himself. His feet felt like they were on fire. “You… got a gun?”<\/p>\n

“No…” She pressed her lips together. She had not even thought of a gun.<\/p>\n

“Doesn’t matter… let me, I’ll go alone.”<\/p>\n

Her mouth fell open. “Adam, no! You can’t! I’ll come with you and…”<\/p>\n

“Lilyah, please!” He tried to brush off her hands and broke in his knees. Biting his teeth, he fought himself up again. “Let me go alone!”<\/p>\n

“But, Adam, I…”<\/p>\n

“No!” He bit his lip. He had literally barked at her and even without looking, he knew he had hurt her. He felt sorry, ashamed of himself. “Please, Lilyah…”<\/p>\n

She wrung her hands, eyes wide with pain, fear and pity. Even though she felt rebuked, she still understood that his pride was hurting. “Take Chai with you…”<\/p>\n

Adam almost snorted as he teetered along the wall, but then his hands grabbed the Arabian’s mane and he realized that this was his only chance to make it outside at all. Clinging to the thick, long strands, he motioned the horse forward, more dragging his feet than actually walking, his face grimacing from the effort and the attempts to not make a painful sound. Bowing down to check on the stallion’s legs was out of the question, it was hard enough to keep himself upright at all. Adam fought down the pain that threatened to drown out his thinking. If the stallion was sound enough to chase coyotes around, he should be sound enough to carry his mistress out of the desert. She was so small, not much of a weight on a horse’s back. Chai rotated his ears at the unusual grip, but he seemed to understand that the man needed his support and moved very gingerly.<\/p>\n

Lilyah watched, fighting down her almost overpowering wish to run to Adam, to hold him, help him. She prayed that the coyote wouldn’t come back, for Chai would doubtlessly run after it again, like he always ran after jackals and any other dog-like creatures. When Adam’s wavering, trembling figure finally disappeared in the dark, she felt like screaming out. What were coyotes like? Maybe they were less like jackals and more like hyenas. Hyenas hunted in packs. While Chai would run after one hyena, the others would attack Adam. And he in his weakened, exhausted state… She gasped and literally jumped to where she had the sabre. Clutching the weapon in both her hands, she hurried to the entrance of the shaft , but did not dare venture outside. Adam didn’t want it… Her eyes straining to see anything in the dark, she listened into the night with bated breath.<\/p>\n

Minutes seemed to drag like hours as she stood and feared and waited. Without her wanting it, she let out a cry as she finally heard Chai’s hooves approaching. Her heart cramped as she noticed Adam’s ragged panting. Chai snorted as he dragged the man hanging on to his mane to the entrance.<\/p>\n

“Adam!” Lilyah dropped the sabre on the spot and hastened forward, flinging her arms around him. His face was a grimace and he could barely stand. He tried a few steps without clinging to the horse and broke down. “Adam, let me help you!”<\/p>\n

It was a painful and tedious task to get him back on the saddle blanket. Painful for Lilyah who did not have the strength to support him, no matter her desperate tries; painful for Adam who felt like screaming, who loathed nothing more than being a burden. Merely two yards from the saddle blanket Lilyah broke to her knees, unable to steady him any longer. Adam gritted his teeth and dragged himself onto the blanket, not so much because he wanted to lie there, but more because he knew that Lilyah wouldn’t give up before he was settled. Something inside of him felt like tearing up as he noticed her hands trying to cover the veils over him, dabbing the sweat from his face, doing whatever she could to make him comfortable. He had not even been able to see anything outside, let alone find out where they were. He had been forced to grasp at the stallion’s mane all the time.<\/p>\n

“You shouldn’t have gone out!” She tenderly wiped his brow. “It was too much…”<\/p>\n

“Lil…” He broke off. What could he tell her? He turned his face away and slowly closed his eyes.<\/p>\n

Lilyah pressed her lips together. It became painfully clear that her mere presence was adding to his discomfort, and it was an awful realization, one that hurt deep inside. For awhile she just sat at his side, clutching her arms around her to shield herself from the cold of the night.<\/p>\n

“Adam?” Her voice was but a whisper.<\/p>\n

He didn’t answer, but she couldn’t tell whether he was already asleep or not.<\/p>\n

Lilyah tiredly got up and gathered Chai, made the stallion lie down at the entrance of the mine and cuddled up to his warm neck, burying her face in his mane. As if he sensed her distress, he turned his head to try and reach her with his muzzle, nickering softly. She felt the tears welling up in her eyes and couldn’t prevent a weak sob as she snuggled against his huge, warm body.<\/p>\n

Adam heard it, and his heart twitched in pain.<\/p>\n

* * *<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

53. Nightmares\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

“On your feet, Cartwright!”<\/p>\n

“My three days are up!” He tried to see something, anything, but there was nothing but darkness and wavering, bloody fogs.<\/p>\n

“Three days?\u00a0Three days??<\/em>” The laughter rose to hysterical hilarity. “Not three days, Cartwright! You’re in it forever! Don’t you recall the rules? You’ve made them yourself!”<\/p>\n

“You’ve got responsibilities, son!”<\/p>\n

“No…” Adam threw himself around. He never would have expected to hear his voice… “Pa! Pa… can’t you\u00a0see<\/em>…”<\/p>\n

“I’ve got that contract here, I want you to have a look at it. I told Barney Fuller that I wouldn’t sign anything before you had seen it. You know how much I rely on you! We need you here!”<\/p>\n

“On your feet!” They were upon him, coming from all sides.<\/p>\n

“Oh, and I’m sorry the young lady was killed by that wolf! What a stupid thing to ride into the desert. What was she thinking?”<\/p>\n

“NO!!!” Adam cried out. “No…”<\/p>\n

“On your feet!”<\/em><\/p>\n

“Adam, you didn’t\u00a0really<\/em>\u00a0think that horse would\u00a0protect<\/em>\u00a0her?”<\/p>\n

“No…” Adam felt the tears in his eyes, burning through his closed lids, blinding him. His fault, all his fault… He never should have loved her, never…<\/p>\n

“Cartwright, the bag is only half full! Can’t you do anything right?”<\/p>\n

“You’ll get over it, son!”<\/p>\n

“On your feet!”<\/em><\/p>\n

Adam flinched as a searing pain ripped across his back, rolling around to escape the whip. Another sharp pain shot up his legs.\u00a0“No…”<\/em>\u00a0He thrashed about, kicking the ground, hitting the wall – and suddenly his eyes tore open.<\/p>\n

Fighting to breathe, he stared into the opening of the shaft, into the silent hollow that lay in bright sunlight, unable to grasp that he was alone, that the voices were gone, that it had once again been but a nightmare. Only the pain remained. He swallowed. “Lil…” He longed for her so intensely, longed for her warm touch, her hands, her nearness, her soft, soothing voice. “Lilyah…”<\/p>\n

She didn’t come. Adam closed his eyes and pressed his lips together, trying to calm himself down. He should be glad that she wasn’t there, it would have been so hard on her to witness yet another breakdown. He strenuously tried to lift himself up as his gaze caught the two bowls standing close to the wall, one of them covered with an old wooden plate. It was a miracle he hadn’t toppled them over. Biting his teeth, he dragged himself a little closer. One of the bowls contained water and he gratefully took a few sips to ease the painful dryness of his throat. The simple task exhausted him and his elbow didn’t support him any longer. Lilyah… She probably was outside, taking care of Chai. Adam attempted to turn around, to check her saddle bag to see if the horse brush was missing, but he couldn’t manage it. Maybe she was out, getting cacti… He looked at the second bowl and stretched himself to push off the plate and drag it closer. It was filled with little cubes cut out of the pads. They were downright awful but Adam forced himself to eat some. While the dubious stuff did not much to revive his strength, it at least filled the stomach. It would hopefully keep him from lingering in a half-unconscious state all the time. He would have to make a decision, he just couldn’t let this go on like this.<\/p>\n

He gathered all his remaining strength together and pushed himself in a half-kneeling position, trying to pull the veils and drapings off of him with which she had covered him. Had she at least taken one back to cover her bare arms? To protect her from the sun? Adam panted and tried to overcome the heat wave that caused the sweat breaking from his skin. He had scratched open several of the welts on his back, and one of the drapings stuck to the blood. He ripped it off, closing his fist around the fabric. But then he halted, his eyes fixed on the wrinkled silk in his hand. It must have been rose-colored before, but now it was dirty and stained with his blood. Still he could see the precious embroidery at the seam, fine golden threads woven into an intricate pattern, adorned with tiny specks of silver. Only fragments were left, fringed as she had cut it up. He pressed it against his face, almost as if in hope to catch a wave of her scent, her softness, her presence – but all he got was the smell of his own sweat, blood and dirt. He squeezed his eyes shut to force back the tears.<\/p>\n

* * *<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Lilyah wiped the sweat from her face and spread her hair across her arms and shoulders to have at least some protection from the stinging sun. She had waited too long to go to the cactus patch, waiting for Adam to wake up and yet unwilling to disturb his sleep. He needed it so badly. But meanwhile the sun had climbed high in the sky and burnt mercilessly down on the earth. Her arms had already turned red and began to hurt. There just wasn’t enough left of her gown to cut out a wrap.<\/p>\n

She mustered some willpower to not scratch her tingling skin and watched Chai who was a few dozen yards away, rummaging the barren earth for the rare bushel of dried grass. His gait was much better than the day before; he had even cantered and bucked on his way across the wasteland, proving beyond a doubt that his temper and energy were coming back. A faint smile stole over her lips. She couldn’t burn the needles off the cactus pads as fast as the stallion devoured them, and she had to be quick to get some of the water before he emptied the sink. But it all helped him to recover his strength, and he would need it. He would have to carry them both out of there.<\/p>\n

For a little while she stood watching, her arms hidden under her hair to provide a momentary relief. Yet the sun still burnt on her head and she sighed as she reached for the full basket. There would be shade in the mine shaft. Dragging the basket along, she continued on her way.<\/p>\n

She froze in place when she heard the rattling sound.<\/p>\n

Even though she had never heard it before in her life, there was something about it that seemed to hiss\u00a0‘Danger!’<\/em>\u00a0Her eyes wandered over the rocks until she detected the snake, less than two yards from her, poised in tensed coils, its head threateningly pointing in her direction. Doubtlessly the ugliest snake she had ever seen. She barely dared breathing, hoping the wind would not move her gown. There were not enough layers to distract a bite. Maybe it was even a spitting snake, like some of the cobras common in her country. She closed her eyes to slits, slowly and cautiously turning her head a bit to the side. Spitting snakes always aimed for the eyes. She held her breath to keep her bosom from moving too heavily. If she stood very still, the snake would eventually move away. At least a Moroccan snake would…<\/p>\n

The snake continued to rattle and it seemed to sound even more aggressive than before.<\/p>\n

A rattlesnake! In spite of her growing fear, Lilyah almost felt the urge to laugh. She had always wondered how these snakes got their silly name; now she knew it. The only rattlesnake she had ever seen before had been roasting in Walking Deer’s pan. She still could hear the old Indian’s words in her head.<\/p>\n

“If a man lies close to death, the meat of a rattlesnake can restore his life.”<\/em><\/p>\n

Lilyah drew a sudden, sharp breath, her hand clutching the dagger. There were nothing but pads in the basket; all the figs were gone. Given Chai’s appetite, the cactus patch would be depleted in a few days – and for Adam it definitely wasn’t the right food, anyway. He needed some meat to get back his strength.<\/p>\n

She cried out as she slung the dagger at the snake while jumping backwards, and then screamed as she realized that she had missed the head. She couldn’t even see where she had hit, with the coils twitching and curling around the dagger. While she had been lucky that the snake had not snapped at her, the beast was still very much alive. All her tension and fear erupted in another scream as she hastily picked up a stone and threw it at the snake, missing the head again.<\/p>\n

She heard Chai’s neigh as the stallion rushed past her, rearing up and hitting his hooves at the snake. He did not miss, reared again, his hooves crashing down on the coils. For one moment she just stared, catching her breath.<\/p>\n

“Chai, no!” She jumped forward, grabbing his mane to hastily motion him backwards. “Stop it! We still have to eat that!”<\/p>\n

The stallion tossed his head, snorting, all riled up, but he relented and followed his mistress’s urge to back off.<\/p>\n

Lilyah stared at the snake. Part of it was smashed – and\u00a0still<\/em>\u00a0it moved! She gulped and needed a moment to catch herself, but then she sprang into action.<\/p>\n

“Come on, Chai, run! Run, it’s a game, run!” She slapped his backside and started running towards the hollow.<\/p>\n

The stallion whinnied with delight and immediately forgot about the snake. He loved this game to run with his mistress. He would run forward, make a rapid turn to come back and then run forward again.<\/p>\n

Lilyah ran as if the devil were behind her. The sabre! The sabre was in the shaft! She ran until her breathing ragged and her sides hurt, storming into the hollow.<\/p>\n

Adam was torn out of his half-conscious haze as he heard the rapid staccato of Chai’s hooves, his eyes widened as Lilyah hastened into the shaft and grabbed for her sabre. “Lil…”<\/p>\n

“Adam, it’s alright! Don’t worry… I’ll be back!” She ran off, the sabre clutched in her hands.<\/p>\n

“Lilyah!”<\/em>\u00a0Adam rolled around, fighting himself to his knees. What did she need the sabre for? How agitated she had been, completely beside herself… His worries exploded. He heard Chai neighing and storming off and bit down a curse as he struggled to get up. He made it a couple of yards and broke down. He literally crawled to the shaft’s entry, clasping at the rocky walls to force himself up again. And collapsed outside.<\/p>\n

“Lil…” His hands balled to fists, trembling. Whatever she was up to, he could not help her, could not protect her, could not watch over her. He could not care for her… he simply could not care for her! The heat hit him like a merciless hammer, but still he tried to get up again until the world around him turned dark.<\/p>\n

Lilyah had not even noticed that he had gotten up. She ran back to the snake, as fast as she possibly could, driven by the fear that the animal might be gone. It was meat, and Adam needed it so badly! She ran and ran.<\/p>\n

The snake was still there. Lilyah stopped, trying to calm her retching breath. It moved… or did it not? Did it?<\/p>\n

With an outcry she raised the sabre and hit the snake as hard as she possibly could. Again and again and again. She cried with every blow, to vent off her frenzy, her fear and her disgust. In the end, all that was left were chopped pieces. Still catching her breath and trembling from the tension, she used the sabre to cautiously sift through the parts until she identified the one with the head. Gulping, she hacked it off and pushed it away with the tip of the blade. She felt sick.<\/p>\n

Chai stood there and looked.<\/p>\n

Lilyah fought down her nausea and tried to pull herself together. She had to gut it now. Adam had taught her how to do it, but unfortunately only with fish. The chopped up mess of the snake was an entirely different matter, particularly since Chai’s hooves had turned parts of it into mash. She swallowed down the bile rising in her throat and tentatively tried to retrieve her dagger by pushing it out of the botch with the tip of the sabre. Right now, she couldn’t bring herself to touch anything with her bare fingers.<\/p>\n

But then she took a deep breath. It was a big, fat snake with lots of meat. It was good meat, as Walking Deer had said, it could even restore the life of a dying man! And Adam needed it, he so badly needed a good, substantial meal! Apart from that, it was dead. It couldn’t bite anymore.<\/p>\n

She crouched down and began to cut up the pieces, trying to clean out the insides or at least what she surmised were the insides. It certainly differed a lot from fish. But once the biggest repulsion was overcome, the work went easier. She would make a broth from the meat. As far as she knew, all she needed for it was water and a pot for it to cook. It seemed better given the smashed state of some of the parts; and there wasn’t that much of a risk to burn anything. Had not Marfa always made a broth when someone was ill? A good, nutritious broth would be like medicine, she always had said.<\/p>\n

Lilyah put the cleaned out parts on top of the basket and started her way back to the hollow. She even felt a little bit proud now, happy that she would soon be able to offer Adam something other than cactus pads.<\/p>\n

* * *<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

“Adam!”<\/p>\n

Adam bolted; for one moment he frantically struggled to get up. It took him awhile until he realized that it was Lilyah who was kneeling beside him, trying to help him. She was alright, thank God.<\/p>\n

“Adam, what are you doing outside in the sun? It’s not good for you!”<\/p>\n

Adam closed his eyes, the feeling of failure welled up like a giant wave inside of him. He had passed out. Lilyah might have needed him, might have been in danger, could have been seriously hurt – and he had simply passed out!<\/p>\n

“Come back in the shade… Adam…” She tried in vain to lift him up. “The sun is hurting you!”<\/p>\n

Adam fought himself up, trying what he could not to lean on her, to not cause her to break down. The hollow seemed to be turning around him, but still he saw her bare arms, the reddened skin. The sun was hurting her, as well. And he had all the veils she so badly needed!<\/p>\n

Pushed and shoved, half-crawling and half-stumbling, he made it back into the shaft, collapsing on the saddle blanket. He felt like screaming as she covered the veils over him, but suppressed any sound behind clenched teeth. The world around him still seemed to whirl and waver, and he drew deep breaths, trying to cause the dizziness to stop. He felt repulsed by his own weakness.<\/p>\n

“Here…” Lilyah lifted his head and put the edge of the water bowl to his lips, softly urging him to drink. She felt deeply worried by his sight. His cheeks had fallen in, the shadows beneath his eyes had deepened. The fever still seemed to ravage inside of him, yet the sweat on his face was ice cold. She was so sure that none of his wounds was inflamed, why wouldn’t the fever go away? She tenderly stroked over his cheek, over the black stubbles that were growing into a full beard by now. The look of his eyes cut into her heart. They had lost their confidence, their shine, there was a pain lingering in them that didn’t come from any physical injury.<\/p>\n

“Adam, I can make a broth today!” She wet her fingers to cool his temples and forehead. “We’ve found a snake!”<\/p>\n

“Snake…” His eyes stared at her as a part of him refused to draw conclusions from what he’d just heard. “What… snake?”<\/p>\n

“A rattlesnake. At least I think so because it rattled and…” She broke off as she regarded the look on his face. “Adam, it’s dead.”<\/p>\n

Adam closed his eyes and drew a trembling breath. A rattlesnake… An avalanche of scenarios sprang up in his mind, each one worse than the other. She could have been bitten… she wouldn’t have had a chance. “Lil…”<\/p>\n

“I was very careful!” she hastened to say. “I didn’t get near it, and Chai kicked it.”<\/p>\n

He couldn’t suppress a groan. And to think that he had been lying around unconscious and useless while she had been in such danger!<\/p>\n

“I’ve learned long ago to be careful,” Lilyah continued. She already regretted mentioning the snake at all and searched for a way to set his mind at ease. “We have snakes in Morocco, as well. And you remind me of my father now, the way you look at me!” She tapped his nose. “When Yassir and I found that cobra.”<\/p>\n

Adam opened his mouth and closed it. He was at a loss for words. How could he even think of sending her back through the desert at all? She would run into all kinds of dangerous situations…<\/p>\n

Her fingers gingerly caressed his temple. “That was when I was a little girl. Me and my cousin Yassir found a cobra in the savannah, and we threw little stones at it because we wanted it to rise up and spread its hood, and make it dance like the snake charmers in the souk. And then our fathers happened along…” The shade of a laugh glided over her face. “Oh, were they mad! Yassir received the spanking of his life, and I was locked up in my rooms and not allowed to ride for a full week. My father was so furious; they must have heard his yelling all over Agadir – forty miles away!”<\/p>\n

Adam shook his head, almost in despair. “Lil…”<\/p>\n

“I was careful, Adam, really! Today, I mean…” She brushed over his face and forced a reassuring smile. He always had loved little stories from her childhood and usually couldn’t get enough of them, but now it seemed as if nothing could revive the light in his eyes. It pained her, deep inside. “I think I better start cooking; the meat shouldn’t lie in the sun for too long! The broth will do you good, you’ll see. Marfa always said a good broth is like medicine.” She dabbed the sweat from his forehead, reluctant to leave him. She could feel the turmoil inside of him so well, and yet she felt unable to get through to him, unable to do anything to ease his mind. “You should try and sleep a little. You need your rest.”<\/p>\n

Adam drew another deep breath as she got up and went outside, trying to fight down his growing despair. A rattlesnake… Of course, there were lots of those in the area, and Lilyah wandering about collecting cactus pads had been bound to stumble upon one.\u00a0He<\/em>\u00a0should have known this!\u00a0He<\/em>\u00a0should have warned her!\u00a0He<\/em>\u00a0never should have allowed her to walk about at all – so blissfully oblivious to all dangers as she was, so naively relying on her horse to protect her! She didn’t even seem to realize how serious, how hopeless their situation was! And he was so useless… totally unable to care for her, to protect her, to get her out of this. He groaned as he unintentionally tried to arch his back, while at the same time the darkness threatened to overpower him once again. He couldn’t even stay awake! He still had not checked the area, he still had no idea where they were! In a time of greatest need, in which her life and her safety was in his hands, he failed – he failed miserably! Adam groaned again, unaware that he was constantly moving his head from side to side, churning his torturous thoughts until the darkness eventually drowned them out.<\/p>\n

* * *<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

“Adam…”<\/p>\n

He opened his eyes. It was like it had been only moments since she had left, but then he saw the fading daylight in the hollow and realized that he must have slept for hours. He felt her hand brushing over his forehead and for one moment he savored the softness of her touch before his bitterness rekindled. He had slept all day…<\/p>\n

“Adam…” Her voice sounded very thin. “I’m afraid… it’s awful…”<\/p>\n

He looked at her as she knelt beside him. Once again her sight pained him. How long would she be able to endure this? But then he regarded her unhappy, embarrassed face and his gaze wandered to the pot standing next to her. He suddenly felt pity. It seemed her cooking attempts had led to disaster again.<\/p>\n

“Uhm… let me see.” He fought to lift himself up and she helpfully pushed the saddle in place for him to lean on. The effort brought a film of sweat on his face and she gently dabbed it off. Adam squinted into the pot. “It doesn’t… look that bad.”<\/p>\n

She twisted her mouth. “But it doesn’t taste very good. It’s probably just because I had no spices…”<\/p>\n

“Lil, we should be glad we… have something to eat at all…” He took a deep breath. Talking still was hard for him. “What’s that green in there?”<\/p>\n

“Cactus pads. Marfa always had some green in her broth, and since I hadn’t had anything else…”<\/p>\n

“I see…” Adam furrowed his brow and looked at her. “You… did chop off the head?”<\/p>\n

“Oh, yes, of course! And I took it out, like you showed me with the fish!”<\/p>\n

“Good! And… you’ve skinned it?”<\/p>\n

“Skinned it?”<\/p>\n

Adam closed his eyes, but he caught himself quickly. “Uh… that’s not important. It’s… voluntarily… you can as well peel off the skin after it’s cooked.”<\/p>\n

“Oh! Let me do that for you!” She fished a piece out of the pot and began to scratch at it with her dagger. “You should eat the chunks! Walking Deer said the meat of a rattlesnake can restore a man’s life!” She continued to fumble with the piece.<\/p>\n

Adam did not know whether to laugh or to cry. “Lil… that’s the rattle.”<\/p>\n

She looked flustered and her cheeks turned red.<\/p>\n

“Throw it away and give me another one.” For the first time since his ordeal the familiar warmth had returned into his eyes. “I’m hungry.”<\/p>\n

Still embarrassed, she tossed the rattle away and fished out another piece of meat. But she had seen the look in his eyes and it made her happy.<\/p>\n

* * *<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

54. Loose Ends\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

“Dad!” Frank Miller cantered up to his father and halted his horse. “You look tired, Dad!”<\/p>\n

“We’re all tired.” Henry Miller took a sip from his canteen and squinted into the distance. “The heat doesn’t help.”<\/p>\n

“Yeah.” Frank hesitated. “Dad… you know I’d really hate to give up on Adam, he’s my friend, but… it’s three days now. Do you really believe it still makes sense to…” He broke off as his father looked at him. It seemed as if there was a shade of disappointment on the older man’s face, but then a smile glided over Henry’s features.<\/p>\n

“You’ll have children of your own one day, Frank. That’ll then answer your question.”<\/p>\n

“Dad, he’s not your son!”<\/p>\n

“No.” Henry shook his canteen. It was the last one, and it was nearly empty. He carefully stored it away. “But a friend’s son. And it’s thanks to him that I still have a son.”<\/p>\n

Frank’s face darkened a bit. That his father simply couldn’t forget that old story…<\/p>\n

They both started when three shots rang through the air.<\/p>\n

“They’ve found something!” Henry kicked his horse into a gallop, into the direction from where the shots had been fired. It wasn’t hard to miss, further defined by the flock of frenzied vultures rising up, seemingly frightened away by the noise.<\/p>\n

Frank followed more slowly, from the corner of his eye he saw Ben Cartwright charging across the desert, the foam flying from his buckskin’s coat.<\/p>\n

* * *<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

“Four dead men, Pa!” Hoss straightened out. He had hastily brushed the thick dust layers off the four corpses that had nearly buried them, driven by the fear that one of them could be his brother. “And a dead horse. No trace of Adam!”<\/p>\n

Ben’s face was a frozen mask as he stared at the gruesome scene, the cruelty of which the layers of dust and grime from the sandstorm could not conceal. Vultures had found their meal beneath the covering, had ripped and torn from under the dust what they could get. Their short, hoarse grunts of protest upon being chased away from their feast still lingered in the air. Ben’s eyes slowly wandered about, but there was nothing else to be seen. No traces, no footsteps aside of Hoss’s, nothing seemed to have moved the ground except the claws of the vultures that had hopped about. No sign of a possible other body that Hoss hadn’t detected. While the dust could cover up everything, the earth was too hard and flat to hide it. No trace of Adam… Ben sat paralyzed, his jaw working, his hands cramping around the reins.<\/p>\n

“Four men!” Sheriff Coffee dismounted. “And four men rode out from Falls Flat!” He wrinkled his nose. The wind was low to non-existant and the stench of decay stuck to the scene like glue. “And they sure smell as if they’ve been dead for three days!” He approached one of the corpses and brushed the dust from the face, only to pull back. “Ugh! This man looks like he’s been trampled by a herd of cattle!”<\/p>\n

“That wasn’t cattle.” Hoss bowed down and examined the corpse. “That was a horse!”<\/p>\n

“You’re sure?” Sheriff Coffee caught a glance of Hoss’s face. Nothing in the big man’s features betrayed a reaction to the horrific sight, worsened even by the traces of greedy stouts that had eagerly picked from the smashed skull.<\/p>\n

“I’m sure.”<\/p>\n

They looked to the dead horse but were distracted when Little Joe arrived in a wild gallop, bringing his pinto to a sliding halt. His green eyes anxiously darted from the corpses to the men that had assembled, the question he didn’t dare to speak out written all over his face.<\/p>\n

“No trace of Adam!” Hoss hastened to assure, noticing the relief on his younger brother’s face.<\/p>\n

“The comancheros?” Joe glided from the saddle and closed in on one of the dead men. “Clothes sure look like it, bullet belts and all…”<\/p>\n

“Could be.” Hoss scanned over the dead horse. The vultures had been on the carcass, but he still could see the clean cut. “Poor critter had its throat slit.” He looked from one to another. “Who would do such a thing?”<\/p>\n

“Maybe it went wild and trampled the man, and they had to kill it…” Sheriff Coffee didn’t sound very convinced and Hoss immediately increased his doubts.<\/p>\n

“With a knife?”<\/p>\n

The sheriff shrugged his shoulder and had a look at the dead man that lay half buried beneath his fallen mount, a notion of perplexed surprise still etched on the lifeless, mutilated visage. There was a visible wound at his chest, but the cause could not be determined as the vultures had started to rip it open, as they had done on the man’s face.<\/p>\n

Hoss had dug out the horse’s legs. “Its leg is broken. Guess that’s why it was killed. Still… why wouldn’t they’ve shot it?”<\/p>\n

“I don’t know.” Sheriff Coffee examined the other two corpses and turned one of the dead on his back. The man still clutched his gun in his hand. “Looks like there’s been a shootout here. You can’t tell anymore with that one over there, but this man here was doubtlessly shot.”<\/p>\n

“Indians, perhaps?” Joe asked with doubts lingering in his voice, looking around, not knowing what to examine next. The ground around the corpses was so undisturbed as if no one beside themselves had ever set foot in this area. It was uncanny, although he knew it had been the sandstorm that had leveled the ground, cloaked the dead, even half-buried the carcass of the horse. The odor was so bad that it felt like it could be tasted in the mouth.<\/p>\n

“Can’t imagine Indians roamin’ this here nowhere land,” Hoss muttered. “‘Sides, they would’ve taken the guns with’em, at least the slags. That’s a lot of ammunition in all them bullet belts, and the Indians are always short on it.”<\/p>\n

Joe followed his brother’s look to the rifle that still stuck in its scabbard on the dead horse’s saddle. “Just like the one Frank and I found near Falls Flat…”<\/p>\n

“Maybe they went at each other’s throats,” Henry Miller pondered. “Wouldn’t surprise me one bit with such folks.”<\/p>\n

Ben still hadn’t said a word, still sat on his horse like a statue, his eyes glowering over the scene as if his sheer willpower could force those corpses to get up and give a detailed report about what had happened. It was no question that these were the men that had abducted Adam, as it would have been too much of a coincidence to find another, completely unrelated group of four men in this desert. It was an area where no one sane would venture, a hostile wasteland into which only lost souls would flee, that offered nothing but the chance for a miserable demise. He swallowed and felt the dryness in his throat. How likely was it that Adam had somehow managed to overcome those four comancheros and then wandered off into the desert? Without taking the rifle? Wasn’t it much more probable that they lost him, somewhere between this place and Falls Flat?<\/p>\n

Hoss was still occupied with the carcass of the horse. “This’s strange…”<\/p>\n

“What is strange?” Joe hesitatingly stepped closer and watched his brother probing over the dead animal’s neck on which the vultures had already fed. The stench coming from the cadaver was nauseating.<\/p>\n

“Look here.” Hoss’s fingers pointed to the fringed edges of torn skin. “Plum looks like it’s been bitten.”<\/p>\n

“Yeah, by a flock of vultures!”<\/p>\n

“No.” Hoss squinted, his features reflecting the strain of his thoughts. “Vultures have stouts! They pick into a hole or tear or sumthin’ and then shove their heads into it to rip out the flesh from the inside. That way, they can munch up a whole carcass without destroying the hide.”<\/p>\n

Joe scrunched his face. “Hoss, you don’t have to go into that much detail…”<\/p>\n

Hoss was unaffected by his brother’s remark. “This here looks like it was done by a set of big, broad teeth! Not sharp teeth, but big teeth with a lot of force to them. Like another horse or sumthin’… yeah!” He nodded to himself. “I’m plum sure this horse was bitten by another horse! And maybe that’s why it fell and broke its leg. ‘Cause that leg didn’t just snap. Look at them bones sticking out – that must’ve been a mighty fall that brought it down!”<\/p>\n

Sheriff Coffee pushed back his hat, his gaze wandering to the corpse that had been trampled. “But what kind of horse would do that? There’re no mustangs in this area?”<\/p>\n

Hoss looked from one to another, almost hesitant to share his one big hope, as if afraid someone might refute it with an argument he hadn’t thought of. “We ain’t found the little lady yet – and that stallion of hers.”<\/p>\n

“Chai?” Joe shook his head. “Hoss, that stallion sure can make a lot of noise, but he’s in fact just like a big puppy, tapping after his mistress like an oversized pet.”<\/p>\n

“Try and tell that Clem Foster,” the sheriff dryly remarked. “His arm looks like a grizzly had it for breakfast. The doctor says if Clem had waited any longer before showing up he might’ve lost it.”<\/p>\n

“And don’t forget he killed that puma!” Hoss added. “The one that had attacked her when Adam first found her. Adam told me how the grasshopper had been all over that puma to protect his lady!”<\/p>\n

Ben drove his buckskin closer, his gaze sucked to the fallen horse. He could not but admire Hoss’s deduction skills, because to him the mutilated neck of the cadaver just showed the traces of the vultures. He did not dare ponder that maybe too much hope had influenced Hoss’s perception. He thought of the black Arabian so viciously attacking Jed Higgins. It had indeed looked as if the stallion wouldn’t have any qualms about trampling a man. Just like that other black Arabian, the one that Bey Sharaf had ridden. It seemed the sheikh had had a way to train horses, causing them to do things no other horse would do. And maybe his daughter had learned from him.<\/p>\n

“Hoss…” The sheriff’s voice revealed his doubts. “Are you suggesting this little lady came here and\u00a0somehow<\/em>\u00a0overpowered those four comancheros – with the help of her\u00a0horse<\/em>?”<\/p>\n

Hoss pulled his head between his shoulders. He knew it didn’t sound very realistic. And still he clung to the thought, seeking to strengthen it. “Adam might have used the chance.”<\/p>\n

“He would’ve had to!” Joe was suddenly intrigued. “Because Lily can’t shoot!”<\/p>\n

Sheriff Coffee drew a breath and sought the gaze of Ben Cartwright, almost automatically expecting the look of agreement from another elder sharing in his thought that the young’uns were talking rubbish. But one glance at the mask-like, contrived features filled him with a sudden sadness. What hope could be too desperate for a loving family to cling to, against all odds and reason?<\/p>\n

“Hmm…” Henry Miller had approached the trampled man. “It seems clear that some horse must’ve gone wild here. And that black horse… it certainly was…” He threw an almost pleading look at the sheriff, as if hoping to get a catchword, any catchword, to tie some further hope to.<\/p>\n

“Different!” Hoss exclaimed, filled with new stimulus at the idea that someone seemed to share his drift. “That’s what he is – different! Never really seen a horse like him before! He can open bars!”<\/p>\n

Sheriff Coffee suppressed a sigh. It was hard to watch grownup men standing there and seriously contemplating a probability as farfetched as this. But deep inside, underneath the rationality his office urged, he himself nurtured a glimmer of hope that Adam might have somehow beaten the odds, might have somehow managed to survive and get away. He certainly deserved it. His whole family deserved it.<\/p>\n

“Well…” He looked about. “Whatever happened here, it certainly was something unusual.” He suddenly felt Ben’s eyes upon him, insistently, almost imploringly. For one moment he brushed the sentiment away and called himself a fool. Ben Cartwright sure wasn’t the man who would need another man’s encouragement to bolster his hopes of finding his son alive. But then… who could ever tell what went on in a hurting father’s heart? The sheriff cleared his throat and went on, “So there might be a rather unusual explanation to all this. Whatever those comancheros were up to, they didn’t succeed. And that leaves a lot of options.”<\/p>\n

“Yeah.” Ben nodded his head and finally dismounted. “We’ll bury these men and continue our search!”<\/p>\n

Everybody mumbled in the affirmation, only Joe pulled a face. “If they are the scoundrels that got Adam, I’d rather bury the horse!”<\/p>\n

“Joseph!” Ben’s voice was somber, but there was no reproach in it. “They’re dead, son.”<\/p>\n

“Yes, Sir…” Joe avoided his father’s gaze and turned to one of the corpses.<\/p>\n

It was ghastly work, given the state of decomposition and the horrid stench. They couldn’t bury them sufficiently in the hard, dried out ground, so they collected rocks and stones to cover the bodies, arranging the four shallow graves in a row. Henry found another revolver buried in the grime several yards from where one of the comancheros had lain, and Ben felt another slash in his desperate, fragile hope. It seemed not even one of the guns were missing – which would mean that Adam had not taken one. He hadn’t had his own gun and it seemed so unlikely that he wouldn’t try to get a substitute.<\/p>\n

“Pa!!” Joe’s yell caused everyone to whirl around. “Pa! Hoss, here, look what I’ve found!”<\/p>\n

Ben saw Hoss closing in on Joe and staring at something his younger brother held in his cupped hand. Dropping the rocks he carried, it took him only three fast, long steps to cover the distance to his sons.<\/p>\n

“She was here, Pa!” Joe showed him the glittering golden jewelry in his hand. It looked like a long earring, but it could be any of the numerous trinkets she used to wear. And there was no doubt it was hers, as the elaborate Oriental style was so typical of her.<\/p>\n

“That means the grasshopper was here, too!” Hoss stated with some content. “And he likely trampled that feller and bit the horse. I jest can’t figure any other horse that would be as dang crazy as he is!”<\/p>\n

“And it means Adam must be alive!” Joe handed the jewelry to his father. “For Lilyah couldn’t have done the shooting. Adam tried to teach her, but it was a complete failure. She couldn’t shoot anything if her life depended on it.”<\/p>\n

Ben’s hand closed around the jewelry, his eyes staring at his fingers without really seeing anything. “God willing…” he murmured. “God willing…”<\/p>\n

“He’s alive, Pa!” Hoss’s blue eyes had started to shine. “Dang, I’m sure he’s alive!”<\/p>\n

Joe eagerly nodded his head, his eyes hanging at his father’s face.<\/p>\n

Ben took a deep breath and stored the jewelry away. A new ray of hope had erupted in his soul and for a moment he found it hard to concentrate on anything else but the wish to rush and turn every stone, every rock, every little hill of grime upside down.<\/p>\n

“We’re… we’re short on water.” He had to take another breath. “We’re much closer to Bitter Springs than to Falls Flat, so I say we ride there and refill our canteens, and then we’ll search every square inch in that whole desert!”<\/p>\n

“We sure will!” Hoss asserted. “We sure will!”<\/p>\n

They hastily finished the graves and rode off in the direction of Bitter Springs, as fast as their exhausted horses could be asked.<\/p>\n

* * *<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

“Oh no, Chai!” Lilyah sighed, the horse brush still in her hand. She had spent considerable time grooming him, cleaning out his hooves and brushing the worst dirt from his coat, and the moment she had turned her back on him to return to Adam, he had nothing better to do than to roll around in the dust.<\/p>\n

“You like being dirty, don’t you?”<\/p>\n

The stallion scrambled back on his legs and shook himself, snorting, ogling his mistress. Now she sure would laugh and throw the brush at him – without ever hitting him, of course – and he would whinny and jump and they would have a fun game. Maybe even a little catch and run, splendid joy which would end with her grooming him again. It had been so long since they last had a fun game. Shaking his mane, he nickered expectantly.<\/p>\n

Lilyah sighed. “I’m sorry, Chai. No game today.”<\/p>\n

Chai stretched his neck, his ears rotating. She didn’t even laugh. There was sorrow.<\/p>\n

“Sorry, sweet boy.” Lilyah returned into the shaft, while the stallion stood disappointed.<\/p>\n

* * *<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam opened his eyes as Lilyah took her place at his side again and reached for his forehead to check on his temperature. He saw her lips pressing together.<\/p>\n

“You’re awake?” She tried not to sound too concerned. His skin seemed to be glowing, even though he didn’t sweat. It was deeply worrying her.<\/p>\n

He weakly nodded his head. “How’s Chai?”<\/p>\n

“Much better. The swelling is completely gone and he’s already getting bored.” She hesitated. “He’s sound enough to ride.”<\/p>\n

The movement of his head was barely perceptible, his eyes losing focus. She had to get out of here – but no matter how much he tortured his mind, he could see no way to send her away on her own. She wouldn’t want to leave him. And even if he could somehow get her to leave, she would most likely not find her way. The risk that she might get lost and perish in the wasteland was too big. But he also saw no possibility to accompany her. Even if they could ride double, he was in no shape to get on the horse and if, he wouldn’t be able to stay on it. And what use would he be, in his weakened state? What would it do to her if he broke down somewhere on the way?<\/p>\n

“Maybe…” Lilyah broke off. She wanted to say, ‘Maybe tomorrow’, but she realized that Adam’s condition seemed to worsen with every hour. He drifted on and off between awake and unconscious moments, his breathing sometimes so shallow that it frightened her. Still none of his wounds seemed infected, but the gunshot wound had started bleeding again. And all she could do was watch, knowing nothing about wounds or anything she could do to help the healing. She had hoped the broth and more sleep would do him good, but nothing much seemed to come from it. Maybe it would be even worse tomorrow. Maybe it would be too late tomorrow. “Maybe we should ride today.”<\/p>\n

His lips moved. “Lil…”<\/p>\n

“Chai will carry you! I know he will, just let me talk to him! Adam…” She put her hand on his. “You need a doctor! I… I thought the wounds would be all fine, but… something… I don’t know…”<\/p>\n

Adam’s brow furrowed, his jaw worked. He knew himself that he wouldn’t last much longer. The gunshot wound continued to hurt viciously, throbbing and piercing as a constant reminder that something needed to be done with it. What would happen to Lilyah if he would succumb? How would she ever get out of there?<\/p>\n

“Adam…” Lilyah softly brushed over his sideburns. His beard stubbles had grown so thick by now that it hardly could be seen where the sideburns ended and the beard began. They couldn’t rightly be called stubbles anymore. “Just let us try. Allah will protect us!”<\/p>\n

He looked up into her face. He at least would be able to find the way, provided he could stay awake. His lips moved. It should be the last thing he could do for her – make sure that she would be safe.<\/p>\n

Lilyah felt her heart sinking as she watched his features closing up, watched the tinge of bitterness once again sharpening the shades that pain and suffering had so cruelly carved into his pale face. The growing beard hid the lines around his mouth, but those around his eyes were telling enough. Once again she had the hurtful feeling that he was drifting away from her, that he refused to share any nearness, any tenderness, that he shut her out of anything going on inside. And she could not find a way through to him, as if her love just wasn’t strong enough to dissolve whatever was gripping him, not pure enough to overcome the distance between them. The thought made her heart ache and she had to fight down the threatening tears. She shouldn’t cry and make it even harder for him. Tears never helped anything.<\/p>\n

Adam still looked into her face and he sensed the invisible tears that she had so bravely swallowed. He felt her hidden pain, but he took it for all the wrong reasons. All he could see was a shattered, desolate woman who should have rightfully expected more from a man than being deserted in a barren wasteland, battered and bruised and with her clothes ripped to shreds. A woman who had trusted in a man that could give her nothing for her love, not even a house to live in, not even a piece of land to call her own, not even the absolute minimum of comfort and security. He had furtively watched her brushing her hair this morning – she had used the horse brush as she had nothing else. No woman should ever be in such a situation.<\/p>\n

But the very last thing he could give her back was her life.<\/p>\n

Lilyah started as he suddenly rolled on his side, forcefully struggling to lift himself up. “Adam…” She tried to support him, pressing herself against his upper body to prevent him from slumping over again. Adam groaned as he dragged his knees beneath him, trying to balance out. The effort had brought beads of sweat to his brow. Lilyah clasped his shoulders, trying to ascertain if he could possibly keep his kneeling position without her holding him.<\/p>\n

“Adam, maybe you should sleep another night and…” She broke off as she caught the look from his eyes. There was a tenacity in them that rendered her mute. Something stubborn, hard-headed, as if he was facing an enemy, a battle he was determined not to dodge. Maybe it was the black beard that made his face so hard, so relentless.<\/p>\n

“Lil, we don’t have another night.” He strained to calm down his breathing and squinted out of the shaft’s opening. “The sun is setting?”<\/p>\n

“Not quite… guess it’ll take two or three hours.” She worriedly looked him over. “We’d better wait until nightfall. The sun might hurt you.”<\/p>\n

“We should start with some daylight.” He balled his hands to fists to drive the trembling out of his muscles. The gunshot wound send a tearing pain through his flesh. “Saddle the horse, I’ll take care of the canteens.”<\/p>\n

She opened her mouth to speak up, but then she silently nodded her head and went for her saddle and bridle. His voice had thrown her, it seemed so harsh, so detached. She had just picked up the saddle and was about to step outside as his call stopped her.<\/p>\n

“Lil…” Adam held one of her veils. “Put that over your shoulders.”<\/p>\n

A deep blush tinted her cheeks as she took the fabric from his hand, painfully aware of her dilapidated state. All this time she had been walking about with her bare arms and shoulders – so unbecoming, so indecent. What was she thinking? She couldn’t look into his eyes and ashamedly wrapped the dirtied silk around her.<\/p>\n

“Lilyah…” His tone has softened. “You’re sunburned.”<\/p>\n

She lifted her head, longing to see the sudden softening of his voice reflecting in his eyes, but he was already focussed on his endeavour to get to the water source. “Adam, shouldn’t I do that?”<\/p>\n

“No.” The softness was gone; what now tainted his voice was the desperate effort to get on his legs, laced with anger. “Saddle the horse!”<\/p>\n

Lilyah obliged, hesitatingly, reluctant to leave him on his own. It didn’t really look like he would manage. She barely concentrated on Chai who had come running as soon as he had seen the saddle; her heart was heavy with worries.<\/p>\n

Clutching the straps of the canteens, Adam fought a desperate battle and lost it. Scarcely able to get on his feet, he stumbled and fell, furiously wrestling to lift himself up again. The gunshot wound felt like it set his abdomen on fire, the heat waves ravaged through his abused body and caused the sweat to break from his skin. His eyes fixed on the rocks between which he knew the water source lay, he refused to give up, refused to admit how foolish his attempt was, that he was merely wasting what miserably little strength he had. How should he ever get on a horse when he wasn’t even able to cover those few steps? Grunting from the strain, he dragged himself onto his knees when the dusty ground beneath him seemed to slide into an abyss.<\/p>\n

“Adam!” Lilyah rushed to his side, trying to help him. “Adam, go back in the shade! I’ll get the water, I’ll take care of this.”<\/p>\n

Adam grimaced as he fought to pull himself together, the realization that he was anything but reasonable hit him with sobering slashes. The hollow still seemed to be turning around him as he made it back into the shaft’s entry, painfully aware that Lilyah was overstraining herself with her attempts to support him. His back slumped against the rocks, a ridge painfully scoured against one of his welts, but he was too exhausted to change position.<\/p>\n

“Here…” Lilyah nudged the water bowl against his lips, urging him to drink. “Adam, let me get the water. You better rest a little and save your strength.”<\/p>\n

He closed his eyes and pressed his lips together. She was more rational than he was. And still, it went against his very being to sit around and let her take care of everything. For one painful and embarrassing moment the thought of defeat rose in him, the option of simply giving up.\u00a0No…<\/em>\u00a0He had to get her out of there. He took a deep breath and nodded his head, not opening his eyes until she got up and left.<\/p>\n

Still battling the pain burning within him, he finally scanned over the rocks and boulders, figuring the best way to somehow get on the back of the stallion.<\/p>\n

* * *<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

There was not much that Lilyah had to do. Filling her water bag and the canteens was time-consuming, given the sparsely rinsing rivulet and the fact that Chai had once again emptied the sink. Following Adam’s instructions, she spared one of the canteens to store the rest of the snake broth, wrapping the chunks of meat still left up in a cloth, together with pieces of cacti. Her doubts had increased watching Adam’s slumped figure sitting at the shaft’s entry, at times even unable to keep his head up, but he had been adamant. They had to ride. To her relief he managed to eat some more meat, and she had changed the bandage of his still bleeding gunshot wound. It didn’t bleed profusely, it rather dripped blood, but the devastating effects of the continued blood loss had wreaked havoc on Adam’s condition.<\/p>\n

The sun was already standing low when she finally led the saddled stallion next to Adam. At least he wouldn’t be exposed to the biggest heat. She held Chai at a short rein, making sure the horse knew that she was serious and he’d better behave, and yet she was worried about his temper.<\/p>\n

Adam lifted his head and noticed the stallion’s legs next to him. The worst was yet to come… Collecting himself, he gathered his strength to get up, but Lilyah surprised him.<\/p>\n

“Lie down, Chai!”<\/p>\n

Adam’s lips parted as the stallion lay down beside him, his gaze searched for Lilyah’s.<\/p>\n

The ghost of a smile stole over her lips. “It’s easier for you to mount…”<\/p>\n

Their eyes met and her small smile reflected in the dimmed hazel lights.<\/p>\n

Getting into the saddle still was a hard piece of work for Adam. Lilyah helped as much as she could, always keeping her attention on the stallion. Chai’s ears rotated and for one moment she feared he would jump up and buck, visibly irritated by the unusual load on his back.<\/p>\n

“Get up, boy, get up!” Her hands clutched the bridle’s cheek pieces at both sides. “And behave yourself!”<\/p>\n

The stallion scrambled on his legs with a protesting snort and she felt his muscles tensing while Adam fought for balance. Chai began stomping. Lilyah quickly grabbed his muzzle, her fingers in his nostrils. He pinned back his ears.<\/p>\n

“Don’t you even think of that!!”<\/em>\u00a0she hissed.<\/p>\n

One ear pricked forward, then the other ear followed suit. There were times when his mistress was\u00a0really<\/em>\u00a0serious and apparently this was such a time. Chai nickered and relaxed.<\/p>\n

“Good boy…” She softly brushed over his face. She knew she had won.<\/p>\n

Adam kept silent while she led Chai to a boulder to have a mounting help for herself. A strong wave of emotion welled up in him when he felt her body behind him, felt her hands affectionately arranging the veils that covered his bare upper body before she flung her arms around him to probe for her reins. The irrational wish to lean back and nestle into her embrace became overwhelming, but he struggled to brush it off. She barely would have been able to hold him and he had to concentrate on his seat, trying to keep his balance, trying to somehow keep his consciousness.<\/p>\n

“I’ll…” He cleared his throat. “I’ll ruin your saddle…”<\/p>\n

“You won’t…” She resisted the wish to rest her head against his back. There were too many welts that might hurt him, and she would have to lean to the side to look past him. But she savored his nearness as she nudged Chai into a slow and cautious walk.<\/p>\n

* * *<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

55. Through the Night\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

“Wait…” Adam’s voice was but a hoarse whisper. His hands cramped in the long strands of Chai’s mane, he was more hanging on the stallion’s crest than he was sitting on his back. He simply hadn’t the strength left to maintain an upright seat.<\/p>\n

Lilyah pulled up, glad that Chai stood still and showed no signs of protest. Maybe he sensed Adam’s weakness, maybe hours of treading through the dark desert had lulled him. Or maybe it was the 200 pounds of additional weight on his back that had subdued his propensity to dance and buck. She felt sure enough to hold the reins with one hand, having the other gingerly lying on Adam’s shoulder, as if she could hold him should he slip.<\/p>\n

Adam shifted, trying to lift himself up, but to no avail. His cheek sank onto the horse’s mane. “Turn him around… slowly.”<\/p>\n

She understood and made Chai turn around. She heard Adam’s hard breathing, but she also noticed that his eyes were piercing through the darkness. Even though the moon was bright, it was still a miracle that he could see anything and actually make something of what he saw. To Lilyah, their surroundings all appeared the same, no matter where she looked. Dark, endless wastelands stretching far and wide, the mountains in the distance nothing but blurred shadows with a blueish lining on top. She omitted a shudder and made a feeble attempt to wrap the silken veil closer around her. As burning hot as the days were in the desert, the nights could get uncomfortably cold.<\/p>\n

“Stop…” Adam groaned as he tried to lift his head. He did not dare raising a hand, lest he would lose his frail balance. “This way.”<\/p>\n

She nudged the stallion into a walk again.<\/p>\n

“Little more left.”<\/p>\n

She corrected the direction. “Adam, do you want to drink something?”<\/p>\n

“No. Keep going.” He closed his eyes for a moment, trying to settle into the rhythm of the walking horse again. His bandaged feet stuck in the stirrups which were unusually high for him and forced him to bend his legs, but it seemed that this made it easier for him to stay mounted. The Arab saddle with its soft leathers and carpetings also helped, for it wasn’t as slippery as a normal saddle would have been. Almost cramping up in his attempt to not waver, Adam fought to keep his eyes open. He knew the area. He had been there before. How could he ever forget?<\/p>\n

“You cannot escape me, Cartwright! Or yourself!”<\/em><\/p>\n

Adam flinched violently and almost slipped as the stallion threw up his head, reacting to the sudden jerk on his neck.<\/p>\n

“Adam!” Lilyah let go of the reins and flung her arms around him. “Take care.”<\/p>\n

He literally clawed his fingers into the thick mane, grimacing as he pressed his forehead against the crest. The rough laughter he had learned to loathe and fear echoed in his mind, he felt that the stallion began to dance. The vibrations sent into his body erupted in a searing pain.<\/p>\n

“Adam, what is it? Please, Adam…” Lilyah desperately clung to him, at the same time grasping the reins to pull up Chai’s head. “Chai!”<\/p>\n

The stallion stomped and turned half around himself, but this movement probably saved Adam from falling. Clenching his teeth, Adam struggled to retain his seat, finally slumping over the horse’s neck again – bathed in sweat, but halfway regaining his balance. He felt Lilyah’s hands clutching his shoulders, he sensed her fear and confusion. Strenuously breathing through the hazes whirling about him, he fought to overcome the vertigo.<\/p>\n

“It’s… alright.” He tried to clear his vision. “Are we… still in the right direction?”<\/p>\n

“Err…” Lilyah looked around, a wave of embarrassment welling up in her. She couldn’t tell… Had not Chai turned? But how far? Her eyes darting about, she tried to remember if there had been anything that would have indicated something – something for her to recall. Something to help Adam. “I’m… not sure…”<\/p>\n

“Alright…” Adam had his cheek resting on the stallion’s crest again. “Turn him around.”<\/p>\n

She obliged, motioning Chai to slowly turn on the spot, helping Adam to scan the area around them again without having to lift and move his head.<\/p>\n

“Stop.”<\/p>\n

She halted, staring in the direction Adam’s face was turned to, trying to memorize it while chewing at the disturbing thought that it just looked like any other direction.<\/p>\n

Adam took a deep breath. “You see the ridge? That… what looks like a downward crescent… a couple of small boulders at its left horn? A single crooked tree growing on it?” His breathing started to rag. “And a star on top, as if it belongs to the tree?”<\/p>\n

“Yes…” Lilyah’s puzzled features changed into an expression of realization. “Yes!”<\/p>\n

“That’s the way.” Adam suppressed another groan. “You head straight to that spot. You… cannot see it from here, but the first pines are growing there. You follow the pines from the smaller ones to those growing taller. Wasteland ends there…” He had to cough, his throat scratching from the talk. “You ride west until you hit the road. Then south… to the Ponderosa…”<\/p>\n

Lilyah had opened one of the canteens and brought it close to Adam’s mouth. “You should drink something.”<\/p>\n

He gratefully took a few sips. Most of the water ran through his beard into Chai’s mane.<\/p>\n

“Lil…” He closed his eyes as he felt her wet fingers tenderly cooling his glowing face. “It might be… that I pass out. If that happens, don’t panic. Just ride on. Don’t panic…”<\/p>\n

“I won’t – I promise!” She gently brushed over his hair. Their small supplies were all gone and he certainly must be as hungry as she was, but he would soon be safe. Hop Sing doubtlessly would have something much better for him than mashed snake chunks and cactus pads, and maybe he even had medicine or healing herbs – just like Marfa who had always stored a wealth of herbs, roots and leaves in her kitchen from which she would brew all kinds of good medicine. Lilyah suddenly felt new hope inside. Adam would recover soon!<\/p>\n

Adam’s head weakly moved. “You… think of Morocco…”<\/p>\n

“Yes…” A tinge of surprise swung in her voice. She wouldn’t have thought he was thinking of it. The vision of him riding to Ras Madeeh faintly resounded in her mind. “Adam, you’d love it in Morocco. You’d love the house. And wait until you see the brood mares!”<\/p>\n

His jaw worked and it took awhile until he spoke.<\/p>\n

“Ride on.”<\/p>\n

Lilyah nudged the stallion into a walk, her eyes fixed on the crescent-shaped ridge with the crooked tree.\u00a0A crescent!<\/em>\u00a0That surely was a good omen!<\/p>\n

* * *<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Several hours later, she couldn’t tell how many, her heart sank. She had reached the pines, she had passed the smaller ones that were growing few and far between until she had found the taller trees. And now all she could see around her were pines. They all were tall; giant, black shadows reaching high into the dark night sky, impossible to tell if there were even taller ones anywhere around. And there didn’t seem to be a road anywhere. And which direction would be west? How could she possibly know with all those trees?<\/p>\n

“Adam…” Her voice was very thin. “Adam, we’ve reached the pines…”<\/p>\n

There was no answer.<\/p>\n

Lilyah felt her heart cramping as she anxiously probed over his shoulders, his neck. She didn’t even hear his ragged breathing anymore… his shoulders were so cold. For one horrifying moment the world seemed to crumble around her. Gasping with fear, she touched his face. It was still hot. And he breathed… so shallow… so shallow…<\/p>\n

“Adam…” She swallowed down the tears, her hands senselessly stroking over his back. “I won’t panic. I promise. I just ride on. I won’t panic…”<\/p>\n

Her eyes timorously glided about her. The desert had not frightened her, had rather been soothing in its familiar clearness, but those large, dark trees were intimidating. They barred the sight, they blocked the way, they were big and black and terrifying, cloaked in shadows that themselves seemed to bear all kinds of ghastly secrets. There was rustling and hustling and whispering, as if the jinns were scurrying through the thick underwood. She felt a shiver running down her spine and froze even more than before.<\/p>\n

“I won’t panic…” Fighting down her fears, she nudged the stallion into a walk again, feeling his mounting nervousness beneath her. He didn’t like the big trees any more than she did. He still was a flight animal that preferred to have a good wide view on his surroundings.<\/p>\n

“We’ll find the road, Adam! Don’t worry, we’ll find it…” Her hands clutched the reins, holding Chai tight as she feared he could relieve his tension by tossing his head, or even worse, dancing about. She had barely finished the thought as the stallion snorted and threw up his head, making a rapid jump to the side.<\/p>\n

“Chai!”<\/em>\u00a0She cried out as she felt Adam’s body slipping, frantically clasping his shoulders to prevent him from falling. It was to no avail. Tears breaking from her eyes, she hastened to glide from Chai’s back, in a desperate attempt to somehow ease Adam’s fall. She heard the stallion snorting again and then the sound of hooves coming close. She jumped up, her hands flying to her saddle, ripping the dagger from its sheath when she noticed flashes of black and white in all that darkness.<\/p>\n

Cochise…<\/p>\n

“Cochise!”<\/em><\/p>\n

“Lily, is that you? It’s me – Joe!”<\/p>\n

“Joe!” She felt endless relief when she saw Little Joe jumping from his pinto. “Joe, he fell… Adam fell!”<\/p>\n

Joe’s heart skipped a beat as he detected the slumped figure on the ground. Hastily crouching next to his brother, he probed over his chest and face, for one moment fearing the worst. Adam was alive. Unconscious, apparently in terrible shape, but alive. His head snapped up. “Those comancheros did that? Lily, what…” He broke off as he saw her frightened eyes. Even in this darkness he could see that she was crying, that her eyes were widened with fear. Shivering, she looked like she had been through hell. Her small hands trembled as they touched Adam’s pale, bearded face. Joe swallowed down his growing temper.<\/p>\n

“Lily, he’s alive! But, where d’you come from?”<\/p>\n

“From… there…” She vaguely pointed into no particular direction. “Adam found the way to here, but then… but then…”<\/p>\n

“You’ve almost made it! It’s just two or three miles to the house.” Joe started to get a grip on his brother to lift him up when he stopped. “Here!” He hastily pulled off his jacket and placed it around her shoulders. “Put it on, it’ll keep you warm.”<\/p>\n

Lilyah silently slipped her arms into the sleeves, thankful for the warmth it provided. She watched as Joe lifted his brother up. Adam was bigger and doubtlessly heavier than he was, but he seemed to have no problem carrying him. Only as she saw him trying to place Adam’s body across the saddle of his pinto, she started.<\/p>\n

“Joe, take care! He’s got a gunshot wound – there!” She pointed to the wound.<\/p>\n

“I’ll be careful.” He saw her tearing at the bed roll behind his saddle and helped to untie it. Together, they spread the blanket over Adam’s limp body.<\/p>\n

“Pa sent me back to get supplies and replacement horses. He and Hoss are camping in the desert. He refused to ride home.” Joe tried to not let his worries echo in his voice, even though it seemed that Lilyah barely listened. She was occupied with arranging the blanket. “Lily, what happened? We’ve been searching for the two of you for days!”<\/p>\n

She just shook her head. “Joe, he needs a doctor!” It was all she could think about.<\/p>\n

“I’ll get the doctor, once we’ve brought him home.” He watched as she strenuously tried to clamber on her stallion’s back and went to help her without asking. She didn’t even seem to notice that she was more lifted on her horse than that she had mounted. Joe squatted on his pinto’s backend behind Adam and took the lead. His hand rested on his brother’s back as if this gesture could prevent the life from deserting the beaten body. Joe pressed his lips together. Adam would make it. No doubt about it. Older brother wouldn’t just die like that.<\/p>\n

Lilyah followed. While her heart was still heavy with worry, the big, dark trees had lost their terror.<\/p>\n

* * *<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The Ponderosa ranch house lay in dark shadows as the two riders entered the yard. Dawn could not be far away, there was the first hint of receding darkness above the distant mountains.<\/p>\n

“Hop Sing!” Joe yelled out even before he slid from his pinto. “Hey! Hop Sing!”<\/p>\n

Lilyah slid from Chai’s back and rushed to help him lifting Adam, but she couldn’t do much. Joe quickly carried his brother to the house, kicking the door open before Lilyah could get there.<\/p>\n

“Hop Sing! Hey! Come quick!” Joe halted and threw a short look at the settee. “We’d better get him upstairs right away. So we won’t have to move him much later on!”<\/p>\n

She nodded her head and hastened up the staircase, running into Adam’s room to light the lamp and pull the covers from the bed.<\/p>\n

Joe lowered his brother on the pillows and drew a sharp breath as the light of the lamp fell on the abused body. “Gosh… Lily… what ever happened to him?”<\/p>\n

“He needs a doctor, Joe!” Lilyah pulled off the blanket and the veils and covered his own blanket over him, scarcely noticing that Joe helped when she desperately tried to roll Adam on his side to check on the gunshot wound. “That one wound doesn’t stop bleeding… he’s getting weaker and weaker!”<\/p>\n

“Alright, I’ll get the doctor.” Joe did his best to sound soothing, but he couldn’t help a suddenly timid look at his brother’s face before he turned to the door.<\/p>\n

“Joe!” Lilyah pulled off his jacket and handed it to him. “Thanks.”<\/p>\n

He nodded and took his jacket, trying not to show how shocked he was at her sight in the light. She looked like she was about to break. He finally headed for the door, but her call stopped him again.<\/p>\n

“Joe – is Mariah here?”<\/p>\n

For a moment he was startled at the unexpected question. “Yes…”<\/p>\n

“She’s faster than your horse.”<\/p>\n

“You’re right!” He gave her a nod and left, literally running down the staircase. What little time he might lose with saddling another horse, the lightning fast mare would make it more than up.<\/p>\n

Yet he took the time to rush into the kitchen first, grabbing a pot to noisily clank it against the stove before he stormed into the small room where the Chinese cook lived. “Hop Sing! Hurry up, Adam’s badly wounded and Miss Lilyah needs help!”<\/p>\n

He didn’t wait for an answer and hastened into the yard, heading for the barn. The thought of his father crossed his mind, but getting the doctor certainly was more important. Pa would understand.<\/p>\n

It didn’t take more than a few minutes until the big chestnut mare stormed out of the yard, answering her impatient rider’s urge to run.<\/p>\n

Chai lifted his nose and whinnied, but the mare was gone. So he kept standing close to Cochise who, like him, still wore his saddle and bridle as Joe had realized it would be too narrow for the huge mare. United in their shared neglect and misery, the two horses forgot that they actually didn’t really like each other.<\/p>\n

* * *<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

“Hop Sing!” Lilyah looked up as the cook appeared in the door, carrying a large bowl and towels across his arm. “We need warm water – lots of it! And bandages!”<\/p>\n

Hop Sing stepped closer and had a concerned look at Adam’s upper body. “This watel still cold, but stove is heating up. Hop Sing gets warm watel soon!”<\/p>\n

“Thank you…” Lilyah gratefully took one of the clean towels and pressed it against the gun shot wound. It had bled all through the silken bandage. The ride must have made it worse. She didn’t realize that the cook had left the room and flinched as he suddenly appeared behind her, draping one of her biggest and warmest wraps around her shoulders.<\/p>\n

“Stove hot soon. Hop Sing blings more bandages and lots of warm watel. And ointment for Missy!” He took a step backwards. “Missy hungly?”<\/p>\n

She did not know what to say. “Maybe… some cheese. Adam needs something to eat…”<\/p>\n

“Mistel Adam too sick too eat now. Will eat later. Hop Sing back soon.” He scurried out of the room.<\/p>\n

Lilyah continued cleaning Adam’s upper body, aghast at all the dirt. The shreds of her veils and drapings had been caked with blood, grime and dirt, his chest hair was matted with it. The long ride through the dusty wastelands had powdered it all with even more dirt. And she had tried so hard to keep him clean, keep his wounds clean, knowing how important it was to keep everything clean. She choked. Maybe all the dirt had worsened his condition.<\/p>\n

She barely looked up when Hop Sing returned, but gladly felt the relief his help brought. He worked quick and concentrated, his calm, broad hands were sure and effective, unlike hers that had nervously and helplessly probed about, not knowing what to do first. She finally let him take the lead, silently obliged to his mute gestures, comforted by the assuring calmness in his features, thankful for his strength that could easily roll Adam on his side to clean his back. Together they bandaged the gunshot wound, replaced the soiled bedding from under his body with fresh, wiped the dust from the dirtied hair and beard as good as it was possible without washing it. Finally Adam lay clean and dust free, in clean and warm pillows, with clean and fresh bandages. His face seemed deadly white, blueish even against the black beard. His closed eyes lay deep in their sockets.<\/p>\n

“Missy eat now!” Hop Sing took a plate he had kept under a cover and proffered it to her.<\/p>\n

Her gaze still hung at Adam’s still figure, but the scent of the food caused a sharp pang in her stomach. It was a stew, adorned with little meat balls. The pang intensified and she took the plate, hastily stuffing one of the balls into her mouth. It was just then that it occurred to her that she had started to eat with her fingers, not even waiting for Hop Sing to give her the spoon. Her cheeks turned red.<\/p>\n

“No need be ashamed, Missy. When hungly, all that counts is to eat.” He handed her the spoon. “But Missy eat slowly. When eating too fast, Missy won’t get good taste of Hop Sing’s food!”<\/p>\n

She silently nodded her head, forcing herself to eat slowly. She hadn’t realized before how hungry she had been.<\/p>\n

“Hop Sing getting hot tea.” The cook turned to the door. “And warm watel to Missy’s loom.”<\/p>\n

She opened her mouth to protest, not wanting to leave Adam’s side, but at the same moment she became painfully aware of how dirty\u00a0she<\/em>\u00a0was. The sorry remains of her gown were stiff with dirt, apart from the even worse fact that she was anything but decently dressed. Blushing again, she nodded her head, trying to wrap the warm cashmere shawl closer around her without putting down the plate. “Thank you, Hop Sing…”<\/p>\n

“You welcome, Missy!” He swiftly left the room.<\/p>\n

Lilyah continued to eat, with a mixture of gratitude and regret, barely realizing that Hop Sing had returned and left a cup of steaming tea on the nightstand next to her. If only Adam could eat something… A good meal would give him strength and help him to get better. Her worst hunger appeased, she suddenly lost appetite and put the plate away to reach for Adam’s hand.<\/p>\n

“Adam…” It was only a whisper. She knew he didn’t hear her. Swallowing, she looked into his face. It seemed so strange with the beard, the lifeless paleness. He seemed so far away. The whole room… she drew a breath. There had been something strange about it and now she suddenly knew what it was.<\/p>\n

The last time she had been in his room, it had been littered with papers, plans, drawings, notes, books, everything flying about, loaded upon each other, a splendid mess so vividly talking about the energy, the spirit, the creativity of its owner. It all was gone. The room was clean and tidy, the desk empty except for a set of neatly arranged writing utensils. Not one piece of paper was to be seen. Nothing. There was an emptiness about it that hurt.<\/p>\n

She did not notice the darkness of the night outside the window slowly fading off, she did not hear Hop Sing rumbling about in the hallway, she just sat there with Adam’s hand in hers, her eyes glued on his ashen, haggard face. She did not even move until a soft voice tore her out of her thoughts.<\/p>\n

“Missy?”<\/p>\n

She looked up, almost confused, as if she were suddenly awakened.<\/p>\n

Hop Sing’s black eyes regarded the unfinished meal, the untouched tea, but he decided to not mention it. “Hop Sing has made little bath in Missy’s loom.”<\/p>\n

Her lips moved. She didn’t want to leave his bedside.<\/p>\n

“Missy will feel much bettel when changed into flesh dless.” Hop Sing noticed her eyes gliding back to Adam’s face. “Hop Sing will watch Mistel Adam.”<\/p>\n

She shifted in her seat. Somewhere in her mind the thought of Chai came up, still standing under saddle.<\/p>\n

“Hop Sing has put flasket with ointment on Missy’s washstand. It will help healing burnt skin.”<\/p>\n

She finally nodded her head and let go of Adam’s hand, wearily getting up. Suddenly, every fiber in her body began to ache. “Thank you, Hop Sing…”<\/p>\n

“It’s all light, Missy. You’ll see, Mistel Adam will soon get bettel. And Missy too!”<\/p>\n

She tried to give him a smile for his kindness, but it failed miserably. Thanking him again, she reluctantly left the room.<\/p>\n

Hop Sing looked after her and worriedly shook his head as he sat down on the chair near Adam’s bed.<\/p>\n

Lilyah hesitated when she reached her door, but then made up her mind and headed for the staircase. Her legs almost gave way on the stairs, she regained her balance at the barrier and hurried downstairs, through the great room and out of the house.<\/p>\n

Chai nickered at her sight, happily trotting up to her. It hurt her heart to see him so dirty and neglected, but she knew she hadn’t enough strength left to groom him, to appropriately care for him. At least he was sound, healthy and well.<\/p>\n

“Dear boy, sweet boy…” She took off bridle and saddle. Too tired to get the tack anywhere, she simply pushed it to the side of the walk way. “I’ll groom you later, dear… I’ll groom you so nicely that your coat will shine like the most precious obsidian… I promise…” Her hands gliding over his head and neck, she finally hugged him, burying her face in his mane. “Thank you, Chai… thank you for everything…”<\/p>\n

Cochise watched and found that he, too, had deserved some affection. He expectantly drew closer, much to the chagrin of Chai who bolted, bumping into Cochise that the pinto stumbled. Never one to back down, Cochise flattened his ears and snapped at the stallion.<\/p>\n

“Hey! Behave yourselves!\u00a0Both of you!<\/em>” Lilyah gasped, shocked at herself. She had been shrieking, trembling, her eyes filling with tears. What was wrong with her? She noticed Chai backing off from the pinto, who in turn calmed down. Both horses gazed at her with puppy eyes.<\/p>\n

She tried to pull herself together. “Good boy, Chai… and you’re a fine boy, too, Cochise…” Wiping off the mindless tears, she began to unsaddle the pinto. The unfamiliar tack wasn’t as easy to handle as her own and she found herself haplessly fumbling with the heavy buckle of the girth, her fingers trembling again. She hissed as one of her fingernails ripped, feeling the tears flowing again. It seemed to take endless times until the buckle was finally open. She pulled at the saddle and let it lie where it fell, fighting down the overwhelming need to just sink down to roll up and sleep, right there and then.<\/p>\n

Somehow, she got the pinto into the corral, faintly recalling that American horses could well wander off, vaguely aware that Chai was jealous and would doubtlessly use his first chance of being unwatched to chase the other horse off the yard. Therefore, it was not an option to put Chai into the same corral, and the pasture seemed like it was a thousand miles away. She tiredly trudged back to the house, not putting the stallion anywhere. He had deserved to roam free. After all he had done, he had deserved it.<\/p>\n

Freezing in spite of the warm cashmere wrap, she clambered up the staircase. She would wash her face – with cold rather than with warm water. It would refresh her and chase away the debilitating fatigue, and she would have another look at Adam before she spent the considerable time it would take to really wash and dress. Maybe he had awakened… she hastened into her room.<\/p>\n

But one look into the big mirror put an end to all further thoughts. Frozen in shock, she stared at her reflection, horrified. A ghostly face stared back at her, with huge, sunken, red-rimmed eyes, trembling lips, discolored bruises. There was a ridge of crusted blood under her nose and another one distorted her upper lip. Her hair was filthy and dirty, hanging down in ugly, matted strands. The dust made it look grey – as grey as her dried, roughened skin, as grey as the fringes of shredded silk that showed beneath the wrap. Petrified, she looked down at her sullied, scrapped hands, at the black crusts of dirt under splintered fingernails, at the blood smear from the fingernail she just had torn.<\/p>\n

Lilyah began to cry. Her hands clasped to her face, she wavered, flinched, crying like a child. She didn’t even notice that someone gently touched her shoulders, that she was ushered to her bed. Crawling into the pillows, she rolled up and sobbed, not realizing that a blanket was placed over her.<\/p>\n

Hop Sing put out the lamps he had lit before, closed the curtains of the window and silently left the room.<\/p>\n

* * *<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

56. His Father’s Hand\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

Little Joe angrily slammed the door of the bunkhouse shut and for awhile he stood motionless on the boardwalk that lined the front of the wooden building. Not one of the ranch hands were there, no one he could send into the wastelands to inform his father. They all were busy protecting Ponderosa land since the sheep herders that had appeared in the area seemed to have started a full-fledged range war. Doc Martin had told him on the way to the ranch that there had already been the first deaths.<\/p>\n

Doc Martin… Joe’s eyes glided to the ranch house and the wish to run in there and check if the doctor had come to any other conclusion but\u00a0‘I can’t say anything yet…’<\/em>\u00a0grew to overwhelming proportions. The doc had looked serious… very serious. He had not answered Joe’s impatient questions. Joe began chewing on his lower lip. He would need around four or five hours to get to the search party, same time to get back. Nine or ten hours altogether. Adam could… He bit his lip. Adam could\u00a0need him<\/em>! Joe did not want to think anything else. His brother might need him. His oldest brother who had always been there for him.<\/p>\n

But there also were Pa and Hoss, still out there in the desert, searching for Adam in fear and despair. He could literally see his father pacing up and down, waiting for him to bring the replacement horses and supplies. His father who had barely slept, barely eaten, barely been out of the saddle for any length of time, who had sent his youngest to get the horses in the middle of the night, unwilling to lose one hour of daylight over it.<\/p>\n

Joe took a deep breath, taking off his hat and putting it back on without noticing. He had to inform them, and fast! His eyes wandered to the big chestnut mare who stood close to the black Arabian, visibly glad to have her friend back. He couldn’t ride her again. She had galloped all the many miles to Virginia City, faster than any horse he had ever ridden. Granted, the ride back had been easier on her due to the doctor’s slower buggy, but still… she was no doubt tired. Little Joe shook his head. Were she any other horse, he wouldn’t have any qualms of riding her into the desert. But she was his brother’s horse and she meant a lot to Adam. He just couldn’t risk ruining her.<\/p>\n

Suddenly jumping to life, Joe retrieved his tack that lay on the ground and hastened to the corral to saddle his pinto. Lilyah really shouldn’t have bothered to unsaddle Cochise, it would have saved him the effort to saddle him now. And still it touched him. She was just the way she was and had her own ideas about horses. And older brother had begun to follow her example, having secured the spacious stall for his precious mare instead of a usual box, always putting her in the pasture after riding her, never letting her stand under saddle while… drat! Joe, who had just swing mounted into the saddle, froze in place. He couldn’t leave her standing there. Adam’s mare…<\/p>\n

He jumped off his horse and ran over to her, leading her to the barn to unsaddle her, even took the time to check her hooves. The black Arabian curiously watched, but was careful not to get anywhere near the barn’s doorway. Chai didn’t like to be stabled, he preferred to roam free. Joe stopped mid-movement. He knew of someone who didn’t really appreciate that… Letting the mare stand, he approached the stallion.<\/p>\n

“Now, come on! You sure want to be with your girl, don’t you?” Donning his most harmless face, Joe tried to get a hold of the black horse. “Come on! I’ll get you some fine oats!”<\/p>\n

Chai snorted and shook his mane, bucking backwards when the young man jumped after him. Others had tried to get him into a stable and failed. His whinny sounded like a snickering laugh as he galloped around the yard.<\/p>\n

Joe suppressed a curse between clenched teeth, his green eyes narrowed to slits. “You just wait!” He turned around and ran into the barn, grabbing a lead rope, an armful of hay and an apple from the apple crate. Back outside, he attached the rope to the mare’s halter and hurriedly led her to the pasture, the hay pressed against his chest and chin, all the while waving the apple through the air.<\/p>\n

“Here, here, Chai, looky heeere… a fine, fine apple for you! Fine yummy hay! No, Cooch, not you… heeeere, heeeere, such a delicious, yummy apple…”<\/p>\n

Chai nickered. The apple certainly drew his interest.<\/p>\n

Joe began to run as the stallion came after him faster than he thought. Hastily wrestling the gate open, he whizzed into the pasture, dragging the mare behind him and chasing his pinto back to the yard. Chai trotted through the gate and lowered his nose, going for the apple that Joe had tossed a few yards away into the grass.<\/p>\n

“Gotcha!” Joe dropped the hay and ran back to throw the gate shut. He didn’t really believe that his father would even care for anything but Adam when coming home, but then… one could never know.<\/p>\n

He mounted his pinto again and cast a last glance at the house. The urge to go back in there to have one last look at his brother arose again, mightier than before. One look, just a short second… maybe there was something new, maybe the doctor needed someone to get an important medicine from town or anything of the like… Joe pressed his lips together and shook his head. The doctor had reminded him twice that he would have to inform his family, and of course he knew it himself.<\/p>\n

Just as he was about to turn his horse, his gaze fell on the Arab saddle lying at the side of the walkway to the door. Pa probably wouldn’t even notice… Joe fought with himself, but then he motioned Cochise to the house and jumped off his back. Picking up the Arab tack and flying into the barn to put it on its regular place was the matter of a few moments.<\/p>\n

At good last, Joe swing mounted into the saddle a third time and raced out of the yard without looking back.<\/p>\n

* * *<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben Cartwright ran into the house, not looking left or right, not looking back where he had almost ridden his exhausted buckskin into the doctor’s buggy, where the Millers still sat on their horses, unsure whether it would be appropriate to stay or not. The whole long ride from the desert had been nothing but a blur and if he would have to recall one thing from those sheer endless hours, there would be nothing left in his memory but his mute, desperate prayers.<\/p>\n

He did not notice Hop Sing coming out of the kitchen; he hastened up the staircase and along the hallway until he reached Adam’s room. There he stopped, for one moment almost afraid to enter. The door was ajar. Ben heaved a deep breath, suddenly aware that he still wore his hat and his gun belt. He mechanically took both off and placed them on a small side table. His hand hesitatingly reached out for the door to give it a cautious push.\u00a0Oh please, God… please…<\/em><\/p>\n

He collected himself and entered the room.<\/p>\n

“Ben…” The doctor got up from his seat.<\/p>\n

Ben didn’t even hear him. He slowly approached the bed, his eyes glued on the motionless figure that lay there so still, so distant, so… broken. His eldest… His hands reached out as if they were about to scoop him up, to cradle him in his arms, yet they barely dared touching the bedding.<\/p>\n

“Adam… son… it’s me, Pa… I’m here…” He heavily sat down on the edge of the bed, his fingers brushing over the black hair so gingerly as if they were afraid to touch it. “I’m here, boy…” His voice broke off. Adam lay in deep unconsciousness, his skin unnaturally white, even translucent against the black beard. He could not hear him. Ben’s hands thoughtlessy tucked the edges of the blanket in, touched his son’s cheek, his forehead. His boy was alive. The cruel fear that had gripped Ben’s heart since his youngest had stormed into their makeshift camp without being able to say anything about Adam’s condition slowly reduced itself to bearable proportions. His son was alive. He could be cared for. At least he was home. Ben swallowed while brushing over the deathlike face.<\/p>\n

“I’m… actually very hopeful,” Doc Martin said tentatively. “I believe he has a fair chance.”<\/p>\n

Ben raised his head and searched the doctor’s eyes. He did not need to turn around to know that his two younger sons were standing in the door, silenced by fear and sanguine expectation, anxiously craving every word, every sign that might give them hope.<\/p>\n

“What is it, Paul?”<\/p>\n

“Blood loss,” the doctor replied. “That’s in fact the most serious problem – he nearly bled to death. On the good side, other than that, none of his wounds are really serious. The gunshot wound at his side was a clean shot through and wouldn’t have caused much trouble if it had been treated and sewn right away. The other wounds are all lacerations and welts…” For one moment his professional demeanour wavered and he seemed to search for words. “He’s been severely whipped.”<\/p>\n

Ben’s face turned to stone.\u00a0“Whipped?”<\/em><\/p>\n

“Yes.” Doc Martin felt sorry for those three men that stared at him in horror and disbelief. These men could deal with a lot of things – the most serious injuries, gunshot wounds, broken bones, anything. But to learn that a loved one must have been mindlessly and brutally tortured was something entirely different. He saw Little Joe turning pale with suppressed rage, saw Hoss balling his big hands to fists, the usually so gentle features changing into a mask that could scare grown-up men. Ben’s lips were but a sharp line.<\/p>\n

The doctor took a breath and continued, “But while these wounds are painful, they are superficial, they’ll heal with no problems. He’s also been extremely lucky that none of his wounds got infected. Not even the bullet wound, and given the circumstances, that was very, very lucky indeed. So…” He tried to give his voice a reassuring ring. “The biggest problem that remains is the severe loss of blood. But since he still lives, I’m fairly optimistic that he’ll push through. He’s a strong and healthy young man. If he makes it through the night, he’ll be on the safe side.”<\/p>\n

“Thanks, Paul…” Ben wearily turned to Adam again, resisting the urge to pull off the beddings to see for himself what had been done to his son. Whipped… it took him considerable effort to fight down the image rising in front of his inner eye. Why? For what? What had happened in that desert? He looked into his son’s emaciated face, so distant and secluded, so strange and rejecting. He probably would never know… He thought back to another time, when he had sat at his son’s bed just like this, pressing Adam to tell him what had happened to him – and Adam had just closed his eyes and turned away. He had never found out what it had been that had caused his eldest son to break down and cry. And then one fine day Adam had jumped out of bed, much too early for the doctor’s liking, and went to his daily work as if nothing had ever happened. Every question had been brushed off with a wry smile and a slightly ironic remark.<\/p>\n

And that had been at a time when there weren’t any troubles between them. Ben felt a pang in his heart as he recalled Adam leaving the ranch for his fateful ride to Falls Flat. He had given his tack a last check and, rather untypically for him, spent a moment to lovingly stroke his mare’s muzzle. There had been a soft shine in his eyes – that immediately had gotten lost when he noticed his father approaching. A casual look from darkening eyes, restrained features that wouldn’t let anyone get close, and Adam had mounted the big mare to ride off without looking back.<\/p>\n

Unspoken words… there were so many unspoken words…<\/p>\n

Ben caught himself, noticing that he had been mindlessly fumbling with the bedding, tucking in the edges, brushing over the wool of the blanket, straightening out the folds. Maybe there was someone who could tell him what had happened in that desert…<\/p>\n

“Paul…” He turned to the doctor again. “Have you had a look at the young lady? Joe told me she’s in pretty poor shape.”<\/p>\n

“Hop Sing told me she’s sleeping and that she needed her sleep badly,” Doc Martin replied. “But I can have a look at her before I leave. It’s time for me to get back, and I should send some medicine for Adam to the Ponderosa.”<\/p>\n

“I’d be grateful.” Ben forced himself to keep his hands from Adam’s bedding. “Anything we can do for Adam?”<\/p>\n

“Let him sleep. I’ll send exact instructions for the medicine and a diet plan that will help him to recover from the blood loss. And I’ll be back tomorrow morning at sunup, anyway.”<\/p>\n

“I can accompany you to town and get the medicine!” Joe offered.<\/p>\n

“Joe, you didn’t get any sleep last night,” Hoss chimed in. “But I can ride!”<\/p>\n

Doc Martin looked from one to another. They all looked worn and exhausted and he would take any bet that none of them had slept much the last few days. “That won’t be necessary. I’ll send someone back to here once I’m in Virginia City. It wouldn’t save any time if one of you came with me.”<\/p>\n

The brothers reluctantly nodded their heads. They didn’t feel exhausted at all, but burned to do something, anything, for their older brother.<\/p>\n

“You can stable the horses.” Ben hesitantly got up. There were guests in the house. The Millers had been with them all the time, and also Sheriff Coffee. The least he should do was to thank them for their support. He bowed over the bed, his fingers gently brushing over Adam’s hair. “I’ll be back, son.”<\/p>\n

Doc Martin put his hand on Ben’s shoulder. “He’ll be alright, Ben. I’m sure of that. He’s got that tough Cartwright constitution.”<\/p>\n

Ben nodded his head. The most important thing was that he had his son back. His boy, his firstborn, his eldest.<\/p>\n

* * *<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Sheriff Coffee and Henry Miller were in the great room, expectantly looking up as the three Cartwrights came down the staircase.<\/p>\n

“He’s alive. He’s lost a lot of blood, but the doctor is confident.” Ben noticed the relief on both men’s faces. “Where’s Frank?”<\/p>\n

“Stabling your horses.” There was a strange undertone in Henry’s voice. “Something useful, at last…”<\/p>\n

“Aw, Henry! Don’t be so harsh on your boy!” Ben shook his head and tried to read the rancher’s face. For one moment he felt reminded of the dark mood in which Henry Miller had been in after he first found out about his son’s gambling spree. But it was nearly a year since Adam had brought Frank back from San Francisco, and Henry had welcomed his son with open arms, had never let a doubt that it was all forgiven and forgotten, and he had given him every chance to start anew. Maybe Henry was just tired, like all of them. “He’s a fine young man, Henry. I’d be proud of him! And, Henry, I have no words to tell you how grateful I am, to you and to Frank! I’ll never forget that.”<\/p>\n

“Ben…” Henry visibly shrugged off whatever was bugging him. “You would’ve done the same.”<\/p>\n

“Still.” Ben’s eyes wandered to the sheriff. “And that goes for you, too, Roy. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart.”<\/p>\n

Roy Coffee grunted and slapped Henry’s shoulder, a twinkle in his eyes. “Come, Henry, better get out of here before he starts singing.”<\/p>\n

“Hey!” A laugh formed in Ben’s throat – the first time in what seemed like ages to him. “What about a brandy?”<\/p>\n

The sheriff waved his hand. “Not for me, Ben. I’d better rush to see if Virginia City’s still standing.”<\/p>\n

“And I might have some sheep to throw off my land,” Henry added and winked. “Besides, I reckon you’ve got some more urgent things on your mind but entertaining your neighbors.”<\/p>\n

Ben willingly admitted defeat. His mind was still upstairs. “Yeah.” He bestowed both men with thankful looks as they left the house. How blessed he was to have such friends.<\/p>\n

The door had barely closed behind them when Paul Martin came down the staircase.<\/p>\n

“How is she?” Ben watched the doctor’s face. The second time he sensed something strange – maybe his worries about Adam caused him to see things.<\/p>\n

“I wish I could tell.” The doctor gave him an unfathomable look. “She made it very clear to me that in her country it is not customary to have a man look at a woman in what she obviously considers an indecent manner.” He placed his big leather bag on the round table. “Pointing out that I happen to be a\u00a0doctor<\/em>\u00a0apparently didn’t change much.”<\/p>\n

“Huh?” Hoss scratched his head. “And Doctor Keefer ain’t a man?”<\/p>\n

“Don’t let him hear that,” Joe quipped. He couldn’t help but sneak a look at his father. It probably wasn’t the best time for Lilyah to display her antics.<\/p>\n

“I’m sorry for that, Paul.” Ben stood slightly flustered, his thoughts recalling several bits from Valerie’s letters, complaints about the peculiar Arab ways. “It’s maybe… Doctor Keefer is an old man… I mean, a more elderly man…”<\/p>\n

An amused smile glided across the doctor’s face. “It’s actually not that unusual, Ben. When Rob Keefer began to transfer his patients to me, there were quite some elderly ladies who insisted on keeping their old doctor. Especially very old-fashioned and prudish ladies had difficulties adjusting to a younger one. Albeit, methinks the lady upstairs should be a little too young for such a stance.”<\/p>\n

Ben cleared his throat and reached for the brandy. “She’s just a bit… eccentric.” He poured four glasses. “She’s from a very different country.” He offered the doctor a glass. “Paul, would you mind… I mean, would you say she should be looked after?”<\/p>\n

“I’ll stop at Rob’s place when I drive back. It’s on my way.” A little smirk played around Doc Martin’s lips. “While he always says he wants to stop working, I just know that deep down he’s flattered when someone still asks for him. It’s a doctor’s thing.”<\/p>\n

“I’d be grateful.” Relieved, Ben indicated a vague toast and downed the brandy in one swish. It burned through his throat, took the dust of the desert away, even soothed the bones aching from four straight days in the saddle, with barely a few hours of exhausted sleep between them. Words splattered by without really reaching his ears, unless they concerned Adam’s care. He scarcely noticed Hop Sing laying the table and then scurrying upstairs. Even the thought of quizzing the young lady to find out what exactly had happened in that desert faded into the background. There was time for that the next day – all he was looking forward to at this moment was to return to Adam’s room. His place was at his son’s sickbed, to watch over him, to be on guard for him, to be there if his boy needed him.<\/p>\n

As soon as he had ushered the doctor out of the house, Ben hastened up the staircase. The intense scent of the hot stew that Hop Sing had placed on the dinner table failed to even reach his senses.<\/p>\n

* * *<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Lilyah stiffened when the door to Adam’s room was opened. She had neither bathed or washed herself after awakening from her exhausted sleep, merely thrown the all-over abaya and the niqab on to just have a look at Adam, driven by worries and fear. Embarrassed, she withdrew her hand that had been stroking Adam’s cheek when she realized it was Ben Cartwright.<\/p>\n

“Miss Lilyah…” Ben entered the room. This time, she had done a thorough job with veiling herself up – he could practically see nothing of her. Her head and face were covered, even her eyes had disappeared beneath folds of black lace. “Please, stay.”<\/p>\n

She had gotten up, her eyes still on Adam’s face. It was so hard to move from his side, but it was also hard to stand under the eyes of his father.<\/p>\n

“Did he wake up?” Ben asked lowly, stepping closer.<\/p>\n

She shook her head, unconsciously wrapping the abaya closer around her.<\/p>\n

“My son Joseph told me you brought Adam home,” Ben probed in a soft tone.<\/p>\n

She did not move. “It was Adam who found the way and showed me where to ride.”<\/p>\n

“Oh.” Ben nodded his head, looking for a way to somehow get a glimpse of the woman herself, but all he could see were veils and drapings. She was hiding beneath them like a turtle under its shell. “We found the dead men in the desert,” he continued. “A piece of your jewelry, and a man trampled by a horse. We know from Depu…”<\/p>\n

A rapid movement caused the silks to rustle. “Chai has not done anything!” Her voice was low, but sharp – and strangely alerted. She still remembered his words in the yard from days ago.\u00a0If your horse kills a man…<\/em>\u00a0“He was much too tired to do anything! We only arrived later!”<\/p>\n

Ben attempted a reassuring smile, puzzled by her defensive reaction. He could only guess that she was looking at him, he couldn’t see her face. “Well, we’ve heard from Clem Foster that…”<\/p>\n

“That wasn’t Chai’s fault. This man did not know how to properly handle an extremely sensitive horse. He…” She interrupted herself, turning away, thus presenting him with her shoulder. “He frightened Chai. Arabian horses are very delicate and need to be handled with utmost gentleness.”<\/p>\n

“Certainly…” Ben did not know what else to say. The black stallion had never struck him as particularly delicate. But it sure wasn’t the horse that they should talk about. “Miss Lilyah…”<\/p>\n

“Please excuse me, Mister Cartwright. I’m…” She seemed to struggle for words. “Hop Sing has brought me warm water. I’d like to… get some…”<\/p>\n

He gave an affirmative nod and she literally fled from the room. Ben sighed. He simply couldn’t get through to this woman. And she probably had saved his son’s life, or at least contributed to his freeing himself. She was such an unusual, exotic sight that her mere appearance might have diverted the comancheros, and maybe this had provided Adam with the chance he had needed. The more he thought of it, the surer he was that it had indeed been the black Arabian that had trampled the man. Had not her father’s horse done the same, in that ruckus he had created in their camp, so long ago? That stallion had attacked the men as if he’d been trained for it.<\/p>\n

Ben shook off the thoughts and sat down in the armchair next to the bed. “Adam…” He reached out to brush over his son’s hair, worryingly scanning the pale, lifeless features. The thought of what Adam must have been through gnawed at his heart. “I’m here, son… Pa’s here. Everything will be alright, my boy…” He started as he saw the movement of Adam’s jaw; for one moment hope sprang up in him that his son was awake. “Adam?”<\/p>\n

There was no reaction, but it seemed as if unconsciousness was just gliding over the gaunt face again. Ben heaved a deep sigh and settled down for a long night. He would sleep in the armchair, where the slightest movement of his son would awaken him.<\/p>\n

* * *<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

57. The Rift\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

Ben’s head snapped up. For one moment he looked around, confused, before he realized that he had just awakened from an uncomfortable sleep, pinched by a pain in his back derived from his awkward position in the armchair. The lamp was flickering slightly, indicating that the petroleum was coming to an end. Yet there was a dim twilight in the room, the first light of the day trickling through the half closed curtains.<\/p>\n

Stretching his cramped legs, Ben glanced over his son, carefully watching for a movement, for any sign that Adam might be awake – or at least have another short glide into the semi-conscious state that would allow him to give him a few more sips of the medicine the doctor had sent. Ben’s hand almost mechanically probed for one of the small bottles that stood on the nightstand like a battery of glassed promises, shiny brown keepers of hope. Doc Martin’s words echoed in his head.\u00a0As much of it as possible, at any possible chance – it helps build up the blood!\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

“Adam?” It was but a whisper. Ben softly touched his son’s forehead, realizing with relief that there wasn’t any fever. Doctor Keefer had told him in the night that according to the young lady Adam had suffered from a feverish heat exhaustion in the desert. Apparently it had eased down by itself.<\/p>\n

“Son…” Ben stroked over the black hair, the bottle with the medicine in his hand. Only a sip, no matter how small. “Come on, boy.” He lifted Adam’s head and nudged the mound of the bottle against his lips, taking great care that not too much of the liquid would seep into his son’s mouth lest he could choke on it. “There, son, there…” Ben realized with satisfaction that Adam swallowed. Every little drop was so important. He lowered the bottle, scrutinizing the pale face to find out if he could possibly give him some more. Half expecting his son to sink back into his unconsciousness without opening his eyes, Ben placed the bottle on the night stand to wipe off a drop that had pearled into the beard.<\/p>\n

“Lil…”<\/p>\n

Ben tensed as he watched the twitching of Adam’s brow, the sudden distortion of his features so clearly indicating that his pain had finally found its way to his senses. Adam’s head moved, his eyes squeezed shut.<\/p>\n

“Lil…” It was barely more than a breath.<\/p>\n

“Hush…” Ben brushed over the pained face. “She’s in her room. She’s sleeping. The doctor gave her a sedative.” He wasn’t sure if Adam even heard him, yet his own hand was already reaching out for the bottle. “There, boy, take another sip.”<\/p>\n

Adam turned his head away, his brow furrowed into deep crinkles. His lids started fluttering until he finally opened his eyes, staring into nowhere. Ben wasn’t sure if he even realized that he was safe and at home. A movement under the blanket showed that Adam tried to lift a hand, but he was too weak to get it up as the woolen quilt was carefully tucked in.<\/p>\n

“Son…” Ben stroked over Adam’s cheek, half attempting to turn his son’s face to him, but not applying too much pressure. In the dimness of the room, Adam’s shaded eyes appeared almost black and strangely lightless. “Son, you’re home.”<\/p>\n

“Pa…”<\/p>\n

“Yes, son, I’m here.” Ben still held the bottle in his hand, the doctor’s instructions prominently in his head. He had forgotten all the ingredients Doc Martin had listed, but he knew they were important. His fingers glided across Adam’s forehead, as if in a futile attempt to ease the deep wrinkles that rendered his son’s face into a grimace of doubt and pain. “Adam, you’re home. Joe found you.”<\/p>\n

At long last, Adam’s head turned, but his eyes seemed to focus on something beside his father, his brow still heavy and dark. His lips moved, but for a long while there were no words. When he finally spoke, it was almost inaudible. “She… saved my life, Pa…”<\/p>\n

Ben nodded his head. “Yes, son…” He brushed a black lock of hair from his son’s forehead.<\/p>\n

“She fought…” For a fleeting moment Adam’s strained face seemed to lighten up, even his eyes gained in warmth. “She fought… for me… like a lioness…”<\/p>\n

“Yes…” Ben tenderly stroked Adam’s face. Doctor Keefer had told him that the young lady must have received several severe blows to her face, hard enough to rupture her lip, hard enough to crack one of her eyebrows open. The old doctor had tricked her into taking a sedative because she was deeply exhausted and he had feared she was developing a nervous fever. But he had also said that a good long sleep and good care would bring her back to her feet in no more than a few days. Ben was still formulating a sentence in his mind to tell his son in the most uplifting way possible that she would be alright, when he started. The warmth that had briefly lightened Adam’s features was gone, his face suddenly displayed a gloom so harrowing that it pierced his heart just watching it.<\/p>\n

“And I can’t marry her.”<\/p>\n

“Wh…” Ben swallowed the word. For one moment he wasn’t even sure he had heard right. Adam’s voice was almost soundless, his eyes did not seem to see anything. “Adam…”<\/p>\n

For a split second Adam’s eyes seemed to search for his father’s face, before they lost focus again. “I can’t give her… the life… she… she… that she needs… and should have….” The words came pressured, agitated and desperate, and yet so weak. His face grimaced as he helplessly tried to lift himself up. “I’m not the man… she should… I can’t… anything… of…”<\/p>\n

“Adam, son, calm down… it’s alright… don’t stress yourself.”<\/p>\n

“I can’t marry her…. Pa, I can’t… give her…”<\/p>\n

“I know, son, I know.” Ben’s hands cupped his son’s face, in a despairing attempt to calm him, to somehow soothe him. “Adam, I know… it’s not your fault, boy. Don’t blame yourself. It just had to happen.” He stroke over the black hair. “I’m so sorry, son.”<\/p>\n

Adam drew a trembling breath. His face was a grimace of pain, his lips moved and for one moment it seemed as if he were on the verge of tears. He tried to raise both his arms, a feeble attempt that the tucked in blanket once again suppressed. But then he caught himself and lay still, heaving another deep breath, closing his eyes.<\/p>\n

“Adam…” Ben shook his head. He had known it all along, the differences had just been too many. He had hoped all the time that his son would come to his senses again, but much earlier, before he got so deeply entangled. Maybe it had even been his own rigid stance that had provoked Adam’s innate stubborness, prevented him from realizing what had been so obvious to his father from the very beginning. And now that it seemed to have happened, it hurt Ben deep in his heart. What would he have given to spare his boy the pain! What would this do to his son? How long would it take him to get over this? “Oh, Adam…” He searched for words. “Son, I know it hurts… but, some things in life are just not meant to be. It’s hard, and it hurts, but we just have to accept it.”<\/p>\n

Adam did not reply, nor did he open his eyes. His jaw worked, his brow was still furrowed.<\/p>\n

Ben gently brushed over his son’s cheek. “But, Adam… life goes on. I know it doesn’t feel like that right now, but it does. I’ve lost three wives, son. It might be different, but the hurt is all the same.” He futilely searched for a reaction in the pale face. “Adam, you’ve got a family that loves you. A family that needs you, that relies on you – much, much more than you know. You have a home that is yours.”<\/p>\n

Adam’s eyes finally opened, but their gaze was dim, unfocused. There was a deep resignation in his features, and Ben found that he appeared even paler and more haggard than before. He inadvertently looked at the brown medicine bottle on the night stand.<\/p>\n

Adam took a deep breath, not looking up. “The wheel is come full circle, I am here.”<\/p>\n

Ben, who had just stretched his hand for the bottle, froze mid-movement. There was a bitterness in his son’s voice that hit him like a blow, cut in his heart like a knife. And what strange words… He knew it was a citation, a quote from somewhere that he was vaguely certain he had heard before, but he couldn’t place it, couldn’t even remember where and when he came upon it. But there had to be a meaning to it… He almost was fearful to look in his son’s face.<\/p>\n

But Adam had closed his eyes again and Ben realized that his son had lost consciousness.<\/p>\n

* * *<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

“Thank you, Hop Sing…” Lilyah tried her best to force a little smile as the cook carefully arranged a tray on her bed. She was genuinely grateful for his kindness, but she would have vastly preferred to jump out of her bed, throw something over herself and rush into Adam’s room. One glance out of the window told her that she had slept well into the day; it looked like it was already midday. How could she have slept so long? He could have needed her… maybe his condition had worsened… maybe… It took her some effort to not push the tray off to get up. The cook’s friendly chatter wavered by without her getting any of the words.<\/p>\n

“Missy?” There was a slight reproach in Hop Sing’s voice, but his face softened when she looked up to him. “Missy need no fear. Mistel Adam now sleeping and getting new stlength. Mistel Cartwight has been sitting up with son all night. And Doctol was vely happy to see Mistel Adam. All well with Mistel Adam.”<\/p>\n

“Thank you.” She pressed her lips together. His father was with him… It probably wasn’t such a good idea to run into his room then.<\/p>\n

“Missy should tly clepes. Hop Sing went and plucked flesh laspbellies for Missy to put in clepes.” He pointed to a plate with delicious looking crepes. “They good, and Missy should eat them while warm.”<\/p>\n

She finally concentrated on the tray. It was all so nicely arranged, and as if he had known that she wouldn’t be in the mood for a full meal, he had prepared several small portions instead of a single big one, each one enticing to taste. What touched her the most was the beautiful single flower in a tiny vase. “Hop Sing, it smells wonderful.” Aware of his eyes, she took up the cutlery and tasted from the crepes. “And it tastes even more wonderful!”<\/p>\n

A broad beam glided over his face. “Thank you, Missy.” Satisfied, Hop Sing scurried to the door, but stopped before opening it.<\/p>\n

“Missy?” He seemed to hesitate for just one moment. “Mistel Cartwight sat up with son all night and all morning. Will have dinnel now and then go sleep. In… maybe little more than one hour.”<\/p>\n

Her hand with the fork stopped mid-movement as she raised her head, but before she could thank him, Hop Sing had left the room.<\/p>\n

Lilyah continued eating, her thoughts turning in her head. One hour, only one hour… she should be able to wait that long, as hard as it would ever get. She could use the time to groom herself, pick some nice clothes, try out the best ways to hide the bruises on her face without wearing the niqab. She had well noticed the pain in Adam’s eyes whenever he had looked at her in the desert, and now she understood why. She had looked terrible. Certainly he would not blame it on her, but still… she should be beautiful for him. Show him that she wasn’t harmed at all. And maybe – just maybe – it could bring a wee little light back into his eyes. Her hand probed her hair and she twisted her lips on discovering that it was still a bit damp. She had washed it in the night, before the old doctor arrived. Wrapped in a shawl during her sleep, it hadn’t had a chance to thoroughly dry. She would wear it open – the way Adam seemed to love it most.<\/p>\n

She pushed back the tray and jumped out of bed.<\/p>\n

* * *<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Lilyah was fairly relieved when the only person sitting at Adam’s bedside was Little Joe. With no clock in her room, she had only been able to guess when the hour had passed.<\/p>\n

“Hey, Lily,” Joe whispered and stood up. “You look much better today.”<\/p>\n

She gave him a disconcerted smile, but her eyes were glued on Adam’s silent face. He seemed to be deep asleep.<\/p>\n

“Did he wake up?” she asked in as low a voice as possible.<\/p>\n

Joe shook his head. “No, not while I was here. Take the chair.” He waited until she was seated and brought his head close to hers. “Doc says the more he sleeps, the better it is. He’s lost lots of blood and is very weak. And here…” He showed her the brown bottles standing on the nightstand. “When he comes to, he should get some of this – the more, the better. That stuff helps the blood to recover.”<\/p>\n

She nodded her head, barely able to lift her eyes from the pale, bearded face. So strange, so distant… It took her some effort to keep her hands to herself. She wanted to touch him, feel him, caress him.<\/p>\n

“You’ll sit up with him?” Joe mouthed soundlessly.<\/p>\n

“Yes…”<\/p>\n

“Alright. I’ll be in my room when you need me. You know, the left door at the end of the hallway. He sometimes gets restless, like he’s having bad dreams. Doc gave him something to take care of that and it shouldn’t happen again. But if it does, and if you need help, just call and I’ll be there.” He straightened out and turned to the door, but then halted and bowed down to her again to whisper, “Lily, the doc said you did a great job keeping his wounds clean! Had he gotten an infection or something, he wouldn’t have survived.”<\/p>\n

She looked up, more confused than anything else. Clean? She still shivered when thinking of all the dust and dirt on his wounded body. The cloths, the veils, Chai’s saddle blanket – everything had been so dirty… The low click of the door indicated that Joe had left<\/p>\n

Lilyah glided from the armchair onto the edge of the bed, lowering herself as silently as possible to not disturb his sleep. Her brow furrowed as her hands brushed over the blankets, realizing how tightly they were tucked in. How would this feel to him, after having been tied and restricted for so long? She pulled all the edges out to drape them loosely around him until she finally was satisfied. He still was warmly covered, but he could now move.<\/p>\n

For a long while she sat motionless, just looking into his pale face. Maybe it was the beard that made it look so strange, so detached. With the curtains of the window half-closed, only twilight was in the room, making the beard appear pitch black and much thicker than it was. She touched his cheek with one finger, as softly as she could, gently brushing over his cheek bone, his brow, fighting down the disturbing feeling that he was drifting away from her… so far away, somewhere in a world where she had no place, so painfully far away… Lilyah withdrew her fingers. She suddenly wanted to clasp at him, even shake him, the need to wake him up and make him look at her threatened to overpower her. But he needed his sleep so badly.<\/p>\n

She forced herself to calm down, watching unhappily how Adam’s head began to move, how his brow began to work. Something was haunting him in his sleep. Her hand gingerly caressed his hair and it seemed to soothe him, stopped the movement of his head. Yet his features remained strained and it seemed to take ages until they eased.<\/p>\n

In the meanwhile it had gotten dark in the room with the day changing into night, the moon rising beyond the sierra. The air in the room was warm, thick and used, like they hadn’t opened the window in days. Even the smell of petroleum hung in the room, and the lamps certainly hadn’t been burning since last night. Lilyah got up and pulled the curtains aside to open the window. The air outside was mild, with the herbaceous scent of the nearby pine woods lingering, inspirited by a breeze of the wind dancing above the mountains. For one moment she wished she was strong enough to push Adam’s bed under this window, to have him breathe the fresh scent of the land he loved, as a reminder of the life that needed him to come back to it.<\/p>\n

She returned to his side, watching sadly that his face still wasn’t entirely relaxed. A twitch in the brow, a dart of an eyeball beneath a closed lid, deep lines in a crinkled forehead. Whatever it was that plagued him, it was still there, abusing his weakened state to haunt him. She bowed over him to breathe a light kiss on his temple when it suddenly ocurred to her how she could reach him in the lands beyond his consciousness.<\/p>\n

“Wait…” She kissed his forehead and silently left the room to hurry into her own.<\/p>\n

She returned a few minutes later, carrying her oud, having spared the time it had taken to tune the instrument in her own room, lest no queer sound would reach Adam’s ears. Settling into the armchair again, she began to play a soft tune, as quietly as possible. She could barely see the strings in the darkness only vaguely lit by the moonlight coming from the window, but she didn’t want to light a lamp. Its shine could have disturbed his sleep and the room had just begun to carry the scent from the mountains, the fresh, sylvan air from outside. There was no need to soak it with the odor of petroleum. She wouldn’t need any light anyway, when she wouldn’t play anything complicated, just the softest and most mollifying tunes she knew. The soothing song of the water wheel, or the ballad of the gracious palm tree so gently offering its dates to the weary and hungry, or maybe the song of the little antelope in the desert that leaped across the sands, dreaming that it could fly.<\/p>\n

But without her really being aware of it, one melody sneaked in and settled itself into the sweet mellow tunes.<\/p>\n

Are you going to Scarborough Fair?<\/em><\/p>\n

* * *<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben Cartwright drew a sharp breath as he opened the door of Adam’s room. He couldn’t believe it. His poor boy needed silence, needed his sleep, needed to be kept warm – and there this woman sat in the light of the moon coming from a wide open window, playing her strange lute or whatever it was as if she were alone. Yet at the same time he remembered what she had done for his son, what Joe had told him about her trying to bring Adam home, what the doctor had said about her care for Adam’s wounds. And had not Adam said she had fought for him? And still… he also couldn’t help but think of the pain she had caused. It would have been better had she never come to the Ponderosa.<\/p>\n

“Miss Lilyah…” He noticed with some satisfaction that her playing had stopped and went straight to the window to close it. Lighting the lamp on the table, he went on, “Miss Lilyah, I’m afraid we have a very sick boy here. He needs absolute silence to recover.” He approached the bed and noticed with consternation the disarray in which Adam’s beddings were. He would have to have a serious talk with Joe who was supposed to sit up with his brother. Trying to give his voice a warmer tone, he went on, “I’m very thankful for you sitting up with Adam, but you should really leave his care to his family. We have more experience doing these things.”<\/p>\n

She didn’t look up, her fingers still on the strings. Almost without her wanting, the oud gave a low, soft tone.<\/p>\n

Ben’s brow furrowed. “Miss Lilyah, I would prefer it if you played your… instrument in your own room. This is neither the right place nor the right time for it.” His gaze fell on the brown medicine bottles. “Has he gotten some of his medicine?”<\/p>\n

“He did not wake up, Mister Cartwright.” Her voice was barely audible.<\/p>\n

He nodded his head and tried a fatherly smile. “Have you sat up with him all night?” He waited in vain for an answer. “You must be tired, then.” A tad warmer, he added, “Doctor Keefer has ordered you to sleep and rest as much as possible.”<\/p>\n

She finally raised her head, without looking at him. “Mister Cartwright, you should open the window again. I think the fresh air does him good.”<\/p>\n

His face clouded. “With all due respect, Miss Lilyah, the window stays closed. You shouldn’t have opened it in the first place. It’s gotten too cold in the room.”<\/p>\n

“Mister Cartwright, it’s a very warm and mild summer night and he has his blankets to keep him warm. Arab doctors say…”<\/p>\n

“Miss Lilyah, this is\u00a0not<\/em>\u00a0an Arab country!”<\/p>\n

Adam’s groan made both their heads fly around. Lilyah’s heart cramped when she saw that his taut face was distorting again. Adam’s hand aimlessly probed about.<\/p>\n

“Adam…” She hastily placed the oud on the floor to bow over him, her hands clasping around his.<\/p>\n

“Son, I’m here, it’s me, Pa…” Ben sat down at the other side of the bed.<\/p>\n

Their eyes locked in anger, each one blaming the other for Adam’s apparent distress that disturbed his sleep.<\/p>\n

“Lil…” Adam turned his head from side to side, his face grimacing when he finally opened his eyes. He looked at her, but what a look it was, it went through and through. “Lil, I’m… so sorry… I can’t give you… I can’t…”<\/p>\n

“Adam, what?” His words cut deep into her heart, stirred a fear that took her breath away. “Adam, what are you talking about?”<\/p>\n

His eyes were nearly blind with pain. “I’m not the man for you… you deserve… what I can’t… can’t…” His voice died off, his eyes closed again.<\/p>\n

“Adam, that’s nonsense!” She clasped his face with both hands. “Adam, look at me!\u00a0Look at me!<\/em>”<\/p>\n

“Miss Lilyah, please!” Ben grabbed her shoulders to pull her from the bed, but she whirled about and before he knew it, her flat hand landed straight in his face. It caused a loud, clapping sound.<\/p>\n

“Don’t you\u00a0touch<\/em>\u00a0me!”<\/p>\n

Ben pulled back, for one moment staring into a pair of flaming black eyes. If she had ever looked like her father coming back to life, it was at this moment. He took a deep breath. “Can’t you see that you only cause him\u00a0more<\/em>hurt?”<\/p>\n

She frantically turned to Adam again, her hands trembling. “Adam…”<\/p>\n

He did not reply. His eyes were closed, it seemed like he had lost consciousness again.<\/p>\n

“Adam!”<\/em>\u00a0It was an outcry.<\/p>\n

“Miss Lilyah, please.” Ben refrained from rubbing his burning cheek. “He is a very,\u00a0very<\/em>\u00a0sick boy. He needs his sleep, and he must not have\u00a0any<\/em>\u00a0distress! It only makes it harder for him and interferes with his recovery!”<\/p>\n

Lilyah swallowed, her eyes burning. For one moment she stared into Adam’s silent face, then she grabbed her oud and ran out of the room.<\/p>\n

Ben heaved a deep sigh and sat down again, carefully tucking the loose blankets back in.<\/p>\n

* * *<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Lilyah put the oud back in its case, but she already knew she couldn’t stand to stay in this room. Without thinking, she ripped one of her warmer wraps out of the wardrobe and ran out in the hallway, down the staircase, out of the house.<\/p>\n

“Chai!”<\/em><\/p>\n

A whinny answered her call and she realized the stallion was in the pasture. Throwing the shawl over her shoulders, she ran to where he was pacing up and down behind the fence.<\/p>\n

“Chai…” She tried to wrestle the gate open, but only managed to throw off the top pole. It was enough for her to climb over it. “Oh, Chai…” She choked up as he stopped next to her, nuzzling over her shoulder, blowing ever so softly. Her friend, her best friend, her comfort, the one she ran to when she had to cry… For a while she just hugged him, burying her face in his mane, before she led him to the fence. Trying to keep back her tears, to not sob loudly, she clambered up on his unsaddled back and nudged him into a gallop.<\/p>\n

She rode a wide circle around the pasture before she directed him to the lowered gate. She almost slipped from his bare back as the stallion boldly jumped over the barricade, her hands clasping the thick long strands of his mane, her thighs pressing together as hard as they possibly could. Chai landed safely while Lilyah fought with all she had to keep her seat.<\/p>\n

“Yallah!”<\/em>\u00a0The tears broke from her eyes like a flood.\u00a0“Yallah!”<\/em><\/p>\n

Chai neighed as he thundered past the barn, storming along the path that led away from the ranch.<\/p>\n

* * *<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

58. Blind Eyes\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

Lilyah’s dark eyes glided over the wide landscape stretching before her, the endless skies glowing in the dawn of a deep red sun that slowly conquered the night’s darkness. It was a mesmerizing view, breathtaking from the spot on the hill she had reached, and yet there was a painful lack in all this glory. The rider next to her, his stretched out hand presenting all this beauty to her, with the silent pride shining in his features that always showed when he had found a particularly gorgeous spot. And he had found one every morning, on each of their early morning rides, his hazel eyes brightening with joy and love when she had expressed her delight at the sight.<\/p>\n

“Adam, this is beautiful…”\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

Lilyah closed her eyes. He would give her a glance from the side now, a lovable dimple in his cheek, a twinkle in his eye. His teeth would show between his lips when he made an ironic remark about Chai getting restless while Mariah stood like a statue, a chuckle would come deep from his chest.<\/p>\n

“Race?”<\/em><\/p>\n

“Race!”<\/em><\/p>\n

She squeezed her eyes shut, trying to fight back the tears, to chase away the feeling of loss, the fear deep inside of her. They would ride again… She took a deep breath and made a futile attempt to chase away the growing sentiment of loneliness, of being lost in a vast, strange land that had no place for her. They sure would ride again… Somewhere from afar the chirping and twittering of the early birds seeped into her consciousness, greeting the morning as they did every day, eagerly going about their never ending businesses of finding food, finding mates, singing their songs into the clear skies. She could literally see Adam’s pointed finger, hear his warm baritone explaining which birds made what noises, which birds would breed when, where to look for their nests. The lowering of his voice when he bowed over to her, the unintentional touching of their legs when he would bring his horse close to hers. She could hear the clicking of his tongue as he motioned his mare forward, to seek even more wonders and beauties to point out. He was so much a part of this land…<\/p>\n

She opened her eyes again when Chai shifted beneath her, taking comfort in the familiar movement. Her hand thoughtlessly stroked over his mane as he raised his head high to proudly gaze across the scenery. Adam always said he stood there like the king of the world…<\/p>\n

Lilyah wiped her eyes and turned the stallion around to ride back to the ranch.<\/p>\n

* * *<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben Cartwright’s thundering voice could be heard all over the place, even before Lilyah had reached the corner of the barn.<\/p>\n

“I don’t care WHAT it takes! I want them to get OFF of my land! I won’t let a bunch of SHEEP herders that never worked an honest day in their lives RUIN the land!”<\/p>\n

The unhappy ranch hands that were the recipients of the roar practically fled from the yard, charging around the barn’s corner as if the devil were behind them. Chai was forced to jump out of the way, angrily attempting to bite one of the horses running by. In lieu of reins, Lilyah pulled at his mane to hold him back, causing the stallion to rear.<\/p>\n

“Miss Lilyah!” Ben crossed the yard with big, fast steps. “Miss Lilyah, are you alright?”<\/p>\n

Lilyah patted Chai’s neck. The stallion calmed down and ogled the silver-haired man, still stomping, ears pinned back.<\/p>\n

“Yes, Mister Cartwright, thank you.” She made no attempt to dismount, she did not even try to suppress Chai’s dancing. And she was well aware that her loose seat and her mild hands sent a clear signal to Chai that he could do whatever he pleased.<\/p>\n

“That looked dangerous!” Ben scanned over horse and rider. No saddle, no bridle, not even a loose halter. And her sumptuously flowing robes looked even less like a riding dress than her usual gowns. “You really should saddle your horse before riding out. We don’t want you to fall.”<\/p>\n

“It was merely a leisurely morning ride, Mister Cartwright.”<\/p>\n

Ben nodded his head, unsure what to say. “Hop Sing is laying the table right now. I’ll tell him to set a dish for you, too. I’m sure you could use a good breakfast after sitting up all night.”<\/p>\n

“I’m not hungry, Mister Cartwright. And I have to take care of my horse now. He needs a thorough grooming.”<\/p>\n

“Certainly…” Somewhat dissatisfied, he took a step backwards as the snorting stallion danced a circle, tossing his head and snapping his teeth. The horse was really dirty, much more than a night out in the pasture could normally be accounted for. Particularly the excessively long mane was filthy and stuck with dust. Ben caught a glance at her face, at the cracked eyebrow, and he felt a strange notion of bad consciousness. The vague need to say something nice rose up in him, but he had to take another jump backwards as the stallion kicked out with one hind leg. If he didn’t know better, he could have assumed the horse had tried to kick him.<\/p>\n

“I’ll tell Hop Sing to bring something into your room.”<\/p>\n

“Thank you, Mister Cartwright.” She nudged the stallion forward, allowing him to strut and dance to the barn. She knew she was impolite and rude towards an older man of the high standing Ben Cartwright naturally had as Adam’s father, but she stubbornly ignored it. After all, she was impolite and rude according to Arab standards, and as he had so peremptorily pointed out, this was not an Arab country. She watched from the corner of her eye as he turned and walked back to the house.<\/p>\n

Stupid old kafir! Shall Allah bestow on you all the fleas of a thousand Bedouin camels…<\/em><\/p>\n

But just as the nasty words had formed in her mind, she felt an embarrassed heat in her face, felt her cheeks turning red. He was Adam’s father… How could she possibly look into Adam’s eyes when she could not respectfully honor his father? How would\u00a0she<\/em>\u00a0feel if he would think so lowly about\u00a0her<\/em>\u00a0father?<\/p>\n

Apart from that, she was still a guest in his father’s house.<\/p>\n

She pressed her lips together and slid from Chai’s back, only to discover that the dirt from his coat had majorly rubbed off on the peach-colored silk of her gown. She had not seen it in the dark when she rode off, had not considered that he still hadn’t been groomed after returning from the desert. Bunting over her robes, she went for the horse brushes, the stallion following at her heels. It would be better to take the utensils and do the grooming in the pasture, lest the silver-haired man would take offense at the halterless horse again.<\/p>\n

Stroking over Chai’s throat, she looked through the open doorway to the ranch house. His father’s house… It wasn’t Adam’s house.<\/p>\n

The feeling of being lost and lonely once again welled up in her, stronger than before.<\/p>\n

* * *<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam kept his eyes closed as his head was lifted up, the mound of a bottle nudged against his lips. Why couldn’t they just leave him alone?<\/p>\n

“There, son, take another sip.”<\/p>\n

He swallowed the sour stuff, reluctantly but knowing too well that there was no way to refuse it. It got forced down his throat even when he was barely awake. His father simply wouldn’t give up and go away. He was there whenever he woke up, fussing all over him, sitting next to the bed like a giant mother hen, watching out for the slightest movement of an eyelid, the medicine bottle ready in his hand.<\/p>\n

“Adam? Can you hear me, son?”<\/p>\n

Adam did not move a muscle; his eyes remained closed, unwilling to leave the comforting darkness to face the inescapable. It would come early enough. It took him some effort to keep his features unaffected, to not reveal the shade of bitterness that threatened to distort his lips. What a truly heroic demeanour he displayed – burying his head in the sands as deeply as it could possibly get. He had not come very far from the times when he was the little boy pulling the blanket over his head to pretend he wasn’t there.<\/p>\n

“Son, I’m here if you want to talk…”<\/p>\n

You’d better care for your 900 head of cattle<\/em>, Adam thought sarcastically – and felt immediately ashamed for it. His father worried over him… would it be asking too much to at least give him a sign that he was aware of his presence? It certainly was easier to have him sitting there than Lilyah… Adam’s face distorted in pain before he could prevent it. Inevitably, his father’s hand brushed over his forehead and he abruptly turned his head away, his brow furrowing in deep, unwilling wrinkles. This would be the hardest thing ever – ripping his own heart out and pushing it away. How could he ever live without her?<\/p>\n

Adam squeezed his eyes shut, fighting the burning behind the lids. What kind of life would she have? In the shadow of a father-in-law who neither liked nor accepted her, in a house where she wasn’t welcomed, where she wouldn’t have a chance to live the life she deserved. Tied to a husband who couldn’t give her what she needed, who couldn’t even protect her when he had to, who would spend year after year doing his\u00a0chores<\/em>\u00a0on his father’s ranch while his wife had to bury all her dreams.<\/p>\n

“Adam, son…” Ben broke off as Adam threw his head to the other side. There was no doubt that his son was awake – and even less doubt that he didn’t want to talk to his father, not even look at him. It hadn’t changed in days. Adam simply wouldn’t talk.<\/p>\n

Ben pressed his lips together and sank back into the armchair, watching his son’s features freezing into a mask of indifference. Once again, he had to sit by and watch helplessly as his boy struggled with his inner demons, and he was unable to do anything to help. Maybe, if Inger hadn’t died… she had probably been the only person that ever had managed to really get through to Adam. Ben’s eyes wandered to the music box on Adam’s bookshelf. It had belonged to Elizabeth, Adam’s mother, but right now its sight evoked the memory of Inger’s voice.\u00a0He asked me if he could play it, I said it was alright.<\/em><\/p>\n

Ben shook off the oddly disturbing thought and concentrated on the book again that he had pulled from the shelf. Shakespeare’s\u00a0Hamlet<\/em>… He didn’t really read it, rather kept on paging back and forth through it in search of the strange quote Adam had uttered so bitterly when he first had regained his consciousness. It was the last thing Adam had said to him and it still echoed in Ben’s head, although he could make neither heads or tails from it. But as of yet, he hadn’t found it, and he wasn’t even sure if it really was from Hamlet.<\/p>\n

* * *<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

“Ben, I’m sorry…” Sheriff Coffee had regret written all over his face. Behind him were Allen Browning and Leopold Carter from the City Council, alongside Judge Hapshaw. The three of them looked like a bunch of teetotalers on the hunt for a hidden whisky bottle.<\/p>\n

“I don’t like doing this,” the sheriff continued uncomfortably.<\/p>\n

“Roy, what happened?” Ben held the door open to usher the small group into the house. “Has it something to do with those sheep?”<\/p>\n

“No…” Roy turned his hat in his hands and watched with unhappy dog eyes as Ben took out the brandy bottle and glasses. The three gentlemen seemed to have neither doubts nor worries about the matter at hand, yet they avoided Ben’s questioning eyes and cast reinforcing looks at the sheriff. Apparently he was the one supposed to pull the chestnuts out of the fire.<\/p>\n

“Well?” Ben asked after everybody was seated and Hop Sing had begun to serve coffee.<\/p>\n

“It’s about Adam,” Roy finally began. “There’s a charge against him.”<\/p>\n

“Against Adam? For what?”<\/p>\n

“Ah, it’s ridiculous… thanks, Hop Sing.” Roy Coffee’s expression revealed all too clearly that he found the ominous charge to be the silliest thing in the world. “It’s about… he and this young lady.”<\/p>\n

Ben’s eyes involuntarily wandered to Leopold Carter who obviously couldn’t quite decide whether to wallow in the glory of his own importance or better be on the safe side and pull in his head.<\/p>\n

“Ah…” Ben got a first idea. His voice took on a slightly sarcastic lightness. “Does it happen to have something to do with… cohabitation?” The uncomfortable hems and haws were answer enough. Ben’s eyes pinned the squirming sheriff. “And you take that seriously!?”<\/p>\n

“He had to, Ben.” Judge Hapshaw made himself heard. “The charge wasn’t brought before him, it was directly sent to me. You know the law; there was no way for me to ignore it.”<\/p>\n

“That would’ve been against the law!” Leopold Carter chimed in, looking all around him in an air of self-righteousness. “It’s a very important part of the Territorial Legislature. You might remember that I took part in its creation in Carson City, October 1861.”<\/p>\n

Ben leaned back into the red armchair. “Who filed the charge?” The false lightness was gone, there was a distinctive growl in his voice.<\/p>\n

“The letter was not signed.” The judge tried a diplomatic smile. “Look, Ben… All we have to do is to establish that the lady in question is not an Indian, or a Negro, or a Chinese. That should be a rather uncomplicated affair and…”<\/p>\n

“Except that I am not used to having guests of my house being examined for their race or origin!” Ben’s face had darkened. “And I am\u00a0not<\/em>\u00a0willing to subject any guests of mine to such a degrading…\u00a0procedure!<\/em>”<\/p>\n

“Ben…” Judge Hapshaw searched for words. “It’s only in case Adam wishes to marry and…” He broke off as the door was opened.<\/p>\n

Ben drew a deep breath and got up. It certainly wasn’t the best moment for her to appear. “Miss Lilyah…”<\/p>\n

“Mister Cartwright…” She politely nodded her head and went for the staircase, not even realizing that the men had all stood up. She had been on the pasture with the horses and seen the men arriving, concluding that Ben Cartwright would have to care for his guests. This meant that he wouldn’t be in Adam’s room. Maybe she could get a word out of Adam when his father wasn’t around.<\/p>\n

“Oh, Miss Lilyah…” Ben smiled in sudden contentment. For the first time since he knew her, he was downright glad for her Oriental attire. With all those veils and drapings and the heavy golden jewelry dangling from her head gear she looked like she had just escaped from\u00a0Thousand And One Nights<\/em>. That should put an end to all those Indian rumours once and for all. “May I introduce Judge Hapshaw to you?”<\/p>\n

She halted her step, unwillingly. What was it with these Americans that they had to introduce women to each and everyone around, just to have everybody stand there and stare, obtrusively and indecently? When on the other hand, they didn’t even have extra compartments and gardens for women? Not to mention extra entrances for women which would have come in particularly handy now.<\/p>\n

“And Mister Browning here and Mister Carter,” Ben continued. “You already know Sheriff Coffee.” He went around the table and proffered her the blue armchair while everybody else murmured a polite greeting. “The gentlemen would love to hear something about your home country,\u00a0Morocco<\/em>.”<\/p>\n

Lilyah ignored the gesture and didn’t move, trying to not let her anger show on her face. He could not seriously expect her to sit down there and talk to all those men? Wasn’t he aware that only an indecent woman would do that, like a hired courtisan or some such? That he was thus trampling on his son’s honor? What would they think of Adam as a man? Or was that different, too? If only Adam was there…<\/p>\n

“We never see you in church, Miss Lilyah!” Allen Browning blurted out with a jovial grin, apparently in an attempt to start a conversation.<\/p>\n

Ben got first doubts about his great idea. His smile turned a tad forced as he offered her a seat again and she still ignored it. “Miss Lilyah is a Mohammedan, like most\u00a0Arab<\/em>\u00a0people.”<\/p>\n

“How… interesting…”<\/p>\n

“Tell us, Miss Lilyah…” Sheriff Coffee threw in to steer from the tacky subject. “As far as I know, there are no Indians in far away Morocco – is that right?”<\/p>\n

Lilyah felt increasingly awkward. Everybody kept standing and she had a vague idea that the men were waiting for her to sit down. Yet she couldn’t bring herself to take the seat. It would have made a difference had Adam been there and signalled his permission, but without him it was just preposterous. “That is right, Mister Sheriff.”<\/p>\n

The sheriff laughed. “Just ‘Sheriff’, Miss. Or maybe ‘Sheriff Coffee’. Or maybe ‘Roy’.” He winked at her. “And there are no Indians in your family?”<\/p>\n

“No…”<\/p>\n

Sheriff Coffee donned a satisfied smile as he glanced from one to another. “Just what I told you, gents!”<\/p>\n

“And apparently no Chinese, either!” Judge Hapshaw remarked in a benevolent tone.<\/p>\n

“And of course no Negroes!” Allen Browning added. “But I reckon that doesn’t need telling.”<\/p>\n

Lilyah raised her head. “My father’s grandmother was a Negress. My great-grandfather bought her in Mauritania.”<\/p>\n

Ben drew the air through his teeth and turned to the hearth to hide his face, his hands balled to fists. He could literally see everybody’s jaw dropping to the floor.<\/p>\n

“Your… great-grandmother was a slave?” That was the judge’s voice.<\/p>\n

“Of course not,” Lilyah replied with dignity. “Through her marriage she was exalted to the rank of a wife and an honorable sheikha, just like my mother.”<\/p>\n

“Your mother was…” The judge didn’t get any further as Ben snapped around.<\/p>\n

“Her mother was from Boston! She came from a very noble English family!” Ben visibly fought for his composure. “One cannot compare that.”<\/p>\n

“My great-grandmother came from a very noble family, too.” Lilyah’s brow had furrowed. “Her father was a respectable Moorish merchant and her mother a princess. I don’t know the exact price, but my great-grandfather not only paid with gold, but gave a herd of a hundred first class camels for her. People still talk about it to this day as she arrived with greatest pomp and splendor!”<\/p>\n

“Well…” Sheriff Coffee tried a helpless laugh. “Different countries, different customs…” He hastily gulped down his coffee.<\/p>\n

Ben took a deep breath. “Yes… I guess so.” Inwardly, he cursed himself for asking this woman to stay and answer questions. He should have known that nothing good could have come from it.<\/p>\n

Leopold Carter sat down. “Ben… Ben, I’m sorry, but… that changes everything, of course. Adam cannot marry a mulatto, it…” He broke off when Browning gave him a rude push. Carter looked up with a sheepish grin and realized that everybody else was still standing – awkwardly, uncomfortably, helpless. Catching a queer look from the sheriff, he scrambled onto his skinny legs and cleared his throat. “The law against cohabitation explicitly states that…”<\/p>\n

“I KNOW!” Ben’s eyes spat fire. “But it doesn’t matter what this\u00a0ridiculous<\/em>\u00a0and\u00a0abominable<\/em>\u00a0law states and what not, one way or the other. That marriage is off the table anyway, but…” He bit down the rest of his words but realized that he had already said too much. And he couldn’t take anything back.<\/p>\n

“She’s not a mulatto…” The judge squirmed a bit and nodded to Lilyah, trying to ascertain her skin tone from the little he could see between all the veils. “My apologies, young lady. This… err…”<\/p>\n

Lilyah didn’t hear him. She turned around without a word and went up the staircase, forcing herself not to run.<\/p>\n

* * *<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

“Adam…” She sat down in the armchair next to the bed, scanning his sleeping face. It still was so pale, so emaciated, and she refrained from calling him again, from waking him up.<\/p>\n

That marriage is off the table…<\/em><\/p>\n

She closed her eyes. Had Adam not said practically the same? Telling her he wasn’t the man for her? Maybe he had known about this law…<\/p>\n

No! He wasn’t a man to let a law rule his heart!<\/p>\n

Was he?<\/p>\n

Lilyah pressed her lips together. He had always talked about the law in this country as something most important, something he held in highest regard. The law, he had said, was the one thing that kept the country from falling apart, that raised people out of barbarism. She had listened without really comprehending what it meant. To her, the law didn’t mean that much. She had been raised in the belief that all people ever needed to be civilized was the Qur’an and their traditions. And her father had always said there were but three rulers to please – the mind, the heart and the conscience. Laws were more or less something kings and despots came up with to eke out taxes or enforce some sort of nonsense that defied common sense.<\/p>\n

But then, this country had no Qur’an and its traditions couldn’t reach very far back. And there were no sheikhs that watched over their people. So laws were probably all they had. But what kind of laws? Laws that could forbid a man to love? That sorted people according to color?<\/p>\n

She opened her eyes again, watching his silent face. As motionless as it was, it wasn’t tranquil, not even in his sleep. It was strained, the lines had deepened on his forehead, around his eyes, as if the pain and distress he had suffered had carved them into his skin with an iron chisel. Slowly, very slowly, she stretched out her hand. His beard had grown so thick by now that it didn’t even scratch anymore. It was actually rather soft, and still she wanted it to be gone. She wanted his boyish smile back, the often not so smooth chin, the dimples she loved so dearly. She wanted him to look at her again.<\/p>\n

“Adam…”<\/p>\n

His head moved, his brow furrowed. It pained her to realize that her nearness couldn’t soothe him, that it rather seemed to deepen the signs of tribulation.<\/p>\n

She flinched as the door was opened.<\/p>\n

“Miss Lilyah?” Ben stepped closer. “Miss Lilyah, I’m sorry for what happened downstairs.” His voice was very low. “I didn’t mean to be so rude.”<\/p>\n

Lilyah did not reply. She simply didn’t know what to say. Her eyes were glued to Adam’s face, watching his lids twitching. He was awakening, but suddenly she feared his gaze.<\/p>\n

“Adam!” Ben sat down at the edge of the bed. “Son, I’m here.”<\/p>\n

Adam finally opened his eyes. They were nearly black, all the beautiful hazel tones, the greenish shades, the soft brown rays seemed to be gone – gone like the light that had made them twinkle and shine. Lilyah felt like her heart was bleeding out.<\/p>\n

“Lil…” He looked at her, slowly turning his head from side to side, the lines of pain deepening as his forehead ridged.<\/p>\n

“Adam, we can go away…” It was barely a whisper.<\/p>\n

He shook his head, grimacing. “No…”<\/p>\n

Lilyah watched his eyes closing, watched them squeezing shut, watched his brow folding.<\/p>\n

Ben took a breath and reached out for the ever present medicine bottle. “Son, you need your medicine.”<\/p>\n

Lilyah got up and left the room.<\/p>\n

Under the blanket, Adam balled his hands to fists, his face grimaced even more. But this wasn’t about him. It was about her. She would be better off without him. He would only ruin her life.<\/p>\n

* * *<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

“Miss Lilyah…”<\/p>\n

Lilyah did not turn around, she kept stroking Chai’s muzzle as if she hadn’t heard anything.<\/p>\n

Ben sighed. Valerie had known her daughter very well – if something was amiss, she was to be found with her horse. He slowly walked up to the fence. She was inside the pasture, but only a few yards away and he saw no need to climb over the paling. It was certainly better to have the stallion on the other side of it.<\/p>\n

“Miss Lilyah, I want to assure you again that I am sorry for what happened today. It certainly was a painful situation for you that I deeply regret.”<\/p>\n

She still did not reply. Only the horse gave a snort.<\/p>\n

“And there’s another thing.” Ben soldiered on. “I have to thank you. I know you’ve been of tremendous help to Adam in the desert, and you can be sure that I will never forget that.”<\/p>\n

She merely nodded her head without even looking.<\/p>\n

“Miss Lilyah…” Ben would have liked to draw two or three steps closer, but this would have required him to climb the fence. Resting his hands on the top pole, he went on, “I’m sorry it didn’t work out for you and my son.”<\/p>\n

She stiffened and threw a glance over her shoulder. “Are you?”<\/p>\n

“Yes.” A sad little smile stole over his lips. He certainly had not given her much reason to feel welcomed. “Miss Lilyah, as a father, I always want the best for my sons. I want them to be happy, and have happy, fulfilled lives.”<\/p>\n

Her hands stopped stroking her horse’s nose and the stallion threw up his head to eye the unwelcomed intruder. Ben still found it unnerving to have a horse stare at him like that.<\/p>\n

“And you don’t think I can make your son happy?” She finally turned around to look at him.<\/p>\n

He drew a deep breath and couldn’t help but feel pity for her. “No.”<\/p>\n

“But you think you can!” Her dark eyes flamed up. “By locking him up at this ranch and denying him his own life!”<\/p>\n

“He is\u00a0not<\/em>\u00a0locked up, Miss Lilyah, he\u00a0lives<\/em>\u00a0at this ranch.” Ben lowered his voice that had risen against his will. “He worked hard to build the Ponderosa, as hard as anyone else, as hard as his father did. This ranch is his home, he has his family here, and he\u00a0has<\/em>\u00a0his own life here!”<\/p>\n

The black Arabian gave another angry snort and slammed one front hoof into the ground. His ears pricked backwards. Ben noticed the sudden aggressiveness of the stallion and was glad that there was a fence between them.<\/p>\n

Lilyah’s small hands had balled to fists. “Adam can have a life anywhere, Mister Cartwright. He can live in Morocco, he’d be a most respected and honored man! He would be free to go to every place he wants to see!”<\/p>\n

“He loves this land, Miss Lilyah.”<\/p>\n

She involuntarily closed her eyes. She knew he was right. Adam was a part of this land, and the land was a part of his soul. She turned to Chai again, helplessly reaching out to touch him, to get some comfort from him, but the stallion was in no mood for loving. He had pinpointed the source for his mistress’s unhappiness and it incensed him. His snort sounded like a growl as he glared at the man.<\/p>\n

Ben ignored the horse. He felt genuinely sorry for the young woman, but he was convinced to do the right thing, as best as he could to help his son. “Adam has made his decision, hasn’t he?”<\/p>\n

She half-turned to him, without looking. “He is ill, Mister Cartwright. He will change his mind.”<\/p>\n

A sad smile played around his lips. “Yes, maybe.”<\/p>\n

Lilyah looked up, her eyes trying to read his face.<\/p>\n

Ben watched her from under heavy brows. “Adam is a very disciplined young man with a strong sense of duty and extremely strong commitments. He tends to put others before himself.” He took a deep breath. “It could very well be that he will feel obliged to honor the promise he gave you.”<\/p>\n

“He did not give his promise lightly, Mister Cartwright. We love each other.”<\/p>\n

Ben searched his words carefully. “Miss Lilyah, you and Adam come from very different worlds, and there is no common ground between them. Not enough to build a whole life on – a whole life that would be satisfying and fulfilling for both of you!” He shook his head. “Miss Lilyah, I can see you have strong feelings for Adam, and I also know that he will always have a place for you in his heart, but sometimes… sometimes that is just not enough.”<\/p>\n

Her eyes started burning. “Love is always enough, Mister Cartwright! There is nothing more that counts!”<\/p>\n

Ben sighed. “Miss Lilyah, you once told me that your father truly loved your mother…”<\/p>\n

Lilyah froze in place, her lower lip started trembling.<\/p>\n

“Tell me – was your mother a happy woman?”<\/p>\n

She abruptly turned her back to him, her eyes closed in sudden pain.<\/p>\n

Ben pushed himself off the fence. “I’m sorry, Miss Lilyah. You probably won’t believe me, but I’m really, really sorry. I know that this is a hard time for both of you.”<\/p>\n

There was no answer and he finally turned to walk back to the house. It had been harder than he had thought. Even though he was absolutely positive that he had done what was best for all involved, he pitied the young lady.<\/p>\n

“Mister Cartwright!”<\/p>\n

He turned around to her, slightly surprised about her calm, even haughty composure. Her face did not reveal the slightest emotion.<\/p>\n

“Mister Cartwright, I want to leave. Now. Would you be so kind to help me get my luggage to Virginia City and catch the stagecoach to St. Louis?”<\/p>\n

“Miss Lilyah, there is no hurry…”<\/p>\n

“I am in a hurry, Mister Cartwright!”<\/p>\n

Ben pressed his lips together. He hadn’t been prepared for such a swift reaction. “I guess there is not much hope to catch the evening stagecoach in time. Also, it is usually filled to the last seat. There might be a much better chance with the early stagecoach starting from Carson City tomorrow morning… if you really want to leave that fast.”<\/p>\n

“I want to. I’ll be ready.”<\/p>\n

“Alright…” He watched with a furrowed brow as she led her stomping stallion a few yards along the fence and then used the poles as a mounting help to get on his bare back. He wouldn’t have thought that she would leave so fast. Maybe there had been more amiss between her and Adam than he knew. Or she was gracious enough to not make it harder for his sick son.<\/p>\n

Deep in thought and strangely restless, he walked back to the house.<\/p>\n

* * *<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

59. Brothers\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

Little Joe stopped as if he had run against a wall; his mouth fell open as he watched his father fastening a rope around the luggage on the back of the buggy. There was no doubt whose luggage that was; the Oriental decorations on the partially carpeted leather suitcases and the peculiar, pear-shaped instrument case were all too distinctive.<\/p>\n

“Pa!” He quickly covered the few yards, staring at the buggy in disbelief. “That’s Lilyah’s luggage!”<\/p>\n

“Yes, son! Miss Lilyah is leaving us today; she will take the stagecoach from Carson City.” He gave his youngest an admonishing glance. “You would’ve known this had you been here yesterday evening, but you didn’t arrive home until long after midnight.” Raising his brow, he added a demanding “Well?”<\/p>\n

“And Adam?” Joe ignored the unspoken question.<\/p>\n

Ben’s brow crinkled. “Adam is in his room, sleeping. Joseph, I’d like to know where you’ve been last night.”<\/p>\n

“Oh… err…” Little Joe was saved when a lamenting Hop Sing came out of the barn and marched towards the house, stopping at the buggy to cast accusing looks at father and son.<\/p>\n

“All wlong! Hop Sing says all wlong! All family gone mad! Hop Sing quit! Hop Sing back to China!” The cook threw up his head and headed for the kitchen’s entry, continuing his ranting in Chinese and finally slamming the door shut behind him.<\/p>\n

Amused, Ben shook his head and turned to concentrate on his youngest again, but Joe had used the chance to run into the barn.<\/p>\n

Lilyah was there with her saddled stallion, fastening the Indian bow to one of the sheaths. Joe realized that she wore the same black robe she had worn when they had started out to California to get Adam his new horse. He ran up to her.<\/p>\n

“Lily, Pa said you’re leaving?”<\/p>\n

“Yes.” Her voice was so low he barely heard the word.<\/p>\n

“What about Adam?”<\/p>\n

She turned her head to him and he pressed his lips together. Her eyes were burning with pain and the shadows beneath them looked like she hadn’t slept last night. In fact they looked like she had not slept in days; and it certainly wasn’t only the black gown that made her usually golden skin appear so deadly pale.<\/p>\n

“Joe, please… I cannot talk about it.” She tried a sad smile and stretched out her hand. “Good-bye.”<\/p>\n

He swallowed and took the hand, well aware what a huge gesture this was for a woman that normally wouldn’t even have allowed him to help her on her horse. She put her second hand on his and he followed suit.<\/p>\n

“Lily, you’re making a mistake! Whatever happened between you and Adam, I know you can sort it out! We can sort it out!”<\/p>\n

She shook her head, more in despair than in disagreement. “Joe, I would’ve loved to call you my brother, but Allah decided otherwise.”<\/p>\n

“Allah? What the heck has Allah got to do with it? Come on, Lily, let’s talk about it! Tell me what happened!”<\/p>\n

She withdrew her hands and turned to swiftly mount her horse. “Good-bye, Joe.”<\/p>\n

“Hey, won’t you at least wait until Hoss is back? To say good-bye to him? He’s at the lumber camp up north; he’s supposed to be back this evening!”<\/p>\n

She arranged her veils to hide her face completely. “I’m sorry, Joe. Please say good-bye to him for me.”<\/p>\n

Joe helplessly watched as she rode out of the barn. From outside he could hear his father’s voice.<\/p>\n

“Miss Lilyah, won’t you ride with me in the buggy?”<\/p>\n

“No, Mister Cartwright, thank you.”<\/p>\n

The rapid beating of hooves indicated that she galloped out off the yard.<\/p>\n

“Joseph!”<\/p>\n

Little Joe followed the rather loud call and slunk to the barn’s doorway. His father had taken his seat in the buggy, one hand holding the reins, the other on the brake.<\/p>\n

“Joseph, we still have to talk about last night. Don’t leave the ranch until I’m back.” A sly smirk stole over Ben’s lips as he pointed to a pile of wood next to the porch. “Chopping some wood will keep you busy for the time being.”<\/p>\n

“Yes, Sir,” Joe mumbled and watched the buggy driving off. He waited until the rattling of wheels and the sound of hoofbeats had muted.<\/p>\n

And then he ran to the house, storming up the staircase and straight into Adam’s room.<\/p>\n

“Adam! Hey, Adam, wake up!” He impatiently rattled his brother’s shoulder. “Adam, wake up!”<\/p>\n

Adam turned his head to the side, his eyes closed.<\/p>\n

“Hey, Adam! Come on, Adam!” Joe began clapping his brother’s cheeks. “Wake up, Adam! It’s important, really! Adam!” He rattled at his brother’s shoulders again. “Adam!”<\/p>\n

Adam gave up and opened his eyes, giving his agitated kid brother who still grasped his shoulders an exasperated look.<\/p>\n

“Adam, she’s leaving! Pa’s loaded all her luggage on the buggy and they’re off for the stagecoach in Carson City!”<\/p>\n

Adam closed his eyes, trying to fight down the erupting pain that raged to break out of its strict confinement, threatening to drown him in its giant flood. She was gone. And even though he knew it was better for her, his heart felt like it was torn apart. Had he been alone somewhere at the edge of the world, he would have screamed. Each and every muscle inside of him cramped up to keep his emotions under control. He didn’t even dare breathing, aware of his brother’s eyes that seemed to pierce through his close lids.<\/p>\n

“Hey, Adam! Didn’t you hear what I said?” Joe started clapping his cheeks once more. “Don’t fall asleep again! Adam! Hey, Adam!”<\/p>\n

Adam drew a trembling breath and opened his eyes, trying to avoid his brother’s look. “Leave me alone, Joe.”<\/p>\n

“What?”<\/em>\u00a0Joe’s voice became a tad discordant. “Are you joshing me? Adam, she’s\u00a0leaving<\/em>! Pa’s getting her to Carson City! You’ve gotta\u00a0do<\/em>\u00a0something; you\u00a0can’t<\/em>\u00a0let her go! Adam, what’s wrong with you?”<\/p>\n

“Joe…” Adam felt like he was shivering towards an explosion and he had to force himself to keep his voice halfway calm. “Go! Leave me alone. Please!”<\/p>\n

“Adam, come on! You gotta ride after her! Tell her you’re sorry or something…” He broke off. He didn’t even know what exactly had happened. But the thought of possibly meddling in something that wasn’t his business faded quicker than the wink of an eye. The pain he had seen in both their faces told him they still loved each other and that was enough for him. “Or whatever it was.” His brow formed a grave triangle as he scrutinized his brother’s distorted features. “Hey, if you can’t ride, I’ll get the buckboard!”<\/p>\n

“Joe…” Adam’s hands balled to fists. “I… can’t…” An angry, desperate growl escaped his chest as he realized what he just had said. He certainly had not wanted to say it. “Leave me\u00a0alone!<\/em>”<\/p>\n

Joe snapped his fingers. “But you could write her a letter and I’ll get it to her in time! Wait!” He jumped at Adam’s desk and began to open all the doors and drawers, scrambling through everything in search for paper. “We gotta hurry, the stagecoach leaves at nine. Hey, where’ve you got the papers?” He pulled out some rustling drawings. “I know what you’ll write. Offer her to talk about everything. Tell her that you can work it out together. And you start with ‘My beloved’<\/em>… Yeah! That’s good!\u00a0My beloved<\/em>! Tell her…”<\/p>\n

“Joe!” Adam fought himself into a half-sitting position. “Please!<\/em>\u00a0I want to be alone!”<\/p>\n

“I’ll be gone as soon as we get that letter to…” He broke off, his eyes catching the details of one of the drawings he had just pulled out of the desk. “Hey… that looks like an Arab house…” He didn’t get any further as one of the medicine bottles crashed against the wall behind him. He instinctively ducked.<\/p>\n

“GET OUT OF HERE!”<\/p>\n

“But, Adam…”<\/p>\n

“Leave me alone!<\/em>\u00a0GO!” The second bottle came flying, missing his head by only an inch.<\/p>\n

Joe jumped backwards. “Adam, I just want to help…”<\/p>\n

The lamp crashed against the doorframe and Joe whizzed out of the room, slamming the door shut behind him. Something crashed against it on the other side and he heard his brother letting out a roar that didn’t sound very sane.<\/p>\n

Joe blew a deep breath and stared at the closed door, shocked. That wasn’t his brother anymore… His brother who always used to be so dominant, so sure of himself, who always knew everything better than everybody else. And why was he still lying in bed playing dead after all those days? His brother of whom Hoss used to say that he would march back to work while the doc was still clinging to his leg, trying to peel a bullet out. And what wasthat?<\/em>\u00a0Was Adam…\u00a0crying?<\/em><\/p>\n

Joe snapped around and ran down the hallway, leaping down the staircase and running out of the house, straight into the barn.<\/p>\n

It didn’t take but a few minutes and Cochise stormed out of the doorway, sliding around the barn’s corner that the dust welled up high, racing off in a neck-breaking gallop.<\/p>\n

* * *<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

“You take good care of her, Charlie!” Ben stepped back and watched the driver climb up to his high seat. The young lady’s luggage was stored on the roof of the stagecoach, her instrument’s case had even found a place inside the carriage as no other travellers were present and the passenger’s room was filled to the window sills with bags of mail.<\/p>\n

“I sure will, Mistah Cartwright!” Charlie Watkins pushed his hat back and laughed as he looked at the small, veiled figure on the black Arabian. He remembered her well – after all, it didn’t happen very often that passengers of his stagecoach brought their own horses along and preferred to ride alongside. “Eh, young Miss, let’s see if yer skinny critter can outrun the stagecoach once more. I bet not!”<\/p>\n

There was no reply, but it didn’t seem to bother him. Laughing and knocking his fellow driver in the side, Charlie Watkins loosened the brake. “Better say yer good-byes now, Mistah Cartwright! We’ll be starting on time! Will take us long enough with the war’n all, ‘n no drivin’ at night!”<\/p>\n

Ben turned to Lilyah, who had barely spoken a word to him since they had started from the Ponderosa, who had mounted her horse again immediately after purchasing the ticket and watched the loading of her luggage from the saddle. He should at least say a few friendly words and bid her farewell.<\/p>\n

But it wasn’t easily done as the stallion didn’t stop stomping and dancing, tossing his head in an apparent eagerness to run. The image triggered another memory, particularly since she had covered herself in black veils and drapings – a reminiscence of her father who had also been clad in black. Only she had more gold on her and a few colorful seams showing beneath the top wraps. Her black horse and the Arab tack, however, could have been just the same – except for the Indian bow dangling from the outlandish saddle. Ben caught a glimpse of some townsfolk standing on the boardwalk in front of the Ormsby Hotel, staring at the exotic apparition.<\/p>\n

“Miss Lilyah, it’s been a pleasure to have had you with us for…”<\/p>\n

“Aaaaand we’re off!”<\/em>\u00a0Charlie Watkins swung the whip, the team pulled on and the stagecoach rattled into motion.<\/p>\n

The black horse whinnied excitedly and reared up, forcing Ben to jump backwards. He could not even see the young lady’s face behind the veils, wasn’t sure if she had just given him a nod or not; all he saw was the Arabian turning and proudly dashing after the stagecoach, his voluminous tail held high up.<\/p>\n

Ben took a deep breath and looked around him, saw the townsfolk still staring with their mouths hanging open. Thank God this circus was over now!<\/p>\n

And yet he couldn’t feel really relieved as he walked back to the buggy. It would take a long while for Adam to get over this. He unwillingly shook his head. Adam had his family that would care for him and be there for him. He would soon be himself again, maybe throwing himself deeply into work for a few months, like he had always handled it when he had suffered a loss. And they all would help him!<\/p>\n

And yet he couldn’t help an uncomfortable disquiet as he steered the buggy out of Carson City.<\/p>\n

* * *<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam suppressed a groan as he heard the opening of his door, gathering himself for another agonizing performance of frozen indifference. Why didn’t his father just have the\u00a0decency<\/em>\u00a0to leave him alone? Couldn’t he just get it that he did\u00a0not<\/em>\u00a0want to talk?<\/p>\n

But the steps weren’t his father’s. Adam relaxed, his head turned to the side opposite the door, eyes still closed. Hoss was understanding, he would have a look and leave the room as silently as he had come. After all, Adam’s condition wasn’t that bad anymore that he would’ve needed someone to sit up with him.<\/p>\n

“Hey, older brother…”<\/p>\n

Adam did not reply, nor did he move.<\/p>\n

Hoss squinted at the motionless figure, then he shoved his hands into his pockets and sauntered leisurely to the window. “Terrible thing that happened to the young lady. Poor little gal! Joe done told me she was pale as a sheet.” He glimpsed over his shoulder. Adam’s eyes were open.<\/p>\n

“What… She just left…” A trace of fear showed in the bearded face.<\/p>\n

“Oh, sure!” Hoss looked out of the window. “But I reckon it was the hardest thing ever for her. Ain’t easy for a gal when she’s trusted someone with all her heart, is told she’ll be married and all the sweet talks and then gets the boot out. Dadburnit, that’s hard for a gal!”<\/p>\n

Adam’s eyes closed in a sudden pain; he pressed his cheek in the pillow as if he wanted to sink in and disappear in it. But he didn’t reply. He just wished his brother would go.<\/p>\n

“And I jest don’t get it!” Hoss shook his head, his eyes wandering over the walls. He talked as if he were alone in the room. “I plum thought the two of you were as happy together as a pair of chirpy lovebirds sittin’ in the tree! Sure, I heard Pa growlin’ and folks runnin’ their snouts ’bout all that Indian nonsense and how she’s not white and stuff, but I dang thought older brother wouldn’t give a hoot about it! Yeah!” He nodded wearily to himself. “I thought my older brother would stand to his gal like a rock!”<\/p>\n

“Hoss…” Adam grimaced. “You don’t understand…”<\/p>\n

“Explain it to me, older brother!”<\/p>\n

Adam took a deep, tembling breath, avoiding Hoss’s gaze. “Leave me alone… please.”<\/p>\n

“Aw!” Hoss cocked his head. “You reckon someone as dumb as me can’t dig all that mighty clever philosophies brewin’ in your stuck up studied head, huh? That must be some\u00a0real<\/em>\u00a0complicated mess swirlin’ ’round up there.” He tipped against his temple.<\/p>\n

Adam closed his eyes, his lower lip pulled from his teeth. “Hoss, this is\u00a0not<\/em>\u00a0your business!”<\/p>\n

“Maybe you’re right.” Hoss wagged on his heels, noticing his brother’s balled fists. “Maybe I’m just curious why a man whose word was once worth his life suddenly goes breakin’ it just like that. And I may jest be a tad curious why a man that I always took for the brainiest feller around suddenly acts like the darnest, biggest, dumbest\u00a0idiot<\/em>\u00a0I’ve ever seen snappin’ for air.” He paused, but there was no reply. “And I’m really curious to find out why a man who once was a real nice feller suddenly goes and breaks a woman’s heart like it ain’t worth a dime.”<\/p>\n

“Shut your mouth!”<\/em>\u00a0It was a hiss forced through gnashed teeth. Adam still didn’t look up, but his balled fists trembled. “She’s… she’ll get over it.”<\/p>\n

“No,” Hoss retorted. “She ain’t gettin’ over it. And you ain’t gettin’ over it, either. You’ll both have your hearts broken and your lives ruined and you’ll both be lonely and sad. The difference is just that she will never be able to trust anyone ever again and you’ll have to live with the guilt for the rest of your life. And for what, Adam? You tell me for what!”<\/p>\n

Adam squirmed, his eyes darting all about him like those of a trapped animal looking for a way to escape. “Hoss…” He dragged himself on his arms. “You don’t understand! It’s better for her if this ends now. I… I can’t give her what she needs and…” He shook his head. “Leave me alone!”<\/p>\n

“Huh?” Hands still in his pockets, Hoss bowed forward. “What’s she askin’ for? A ton of jewels? A ten-story-palace in San Francisco? A golden carriage with eight white steeds? That’s funny, Adam. I always thought she’d prefer to ride the grasshopper.” He drew the air through his nose, eyes pinned on his desolate brother. “Or ain’t she askin’ for nuthin’ and it’s jest what\u00a0you<\/em>\u00a0think she needs because of all that nonsense dilly-dallyin’ ’round in your skull?”<\/p>\n

“She’s got dreams!” Adam did not look up. His hand balled, he sounded as if he was trying to convince himself rather than his brother. “She wants to breed horses! She… always talked about Chai’s pedigree… and…” He broke off.<\/p>\n

“Fine.” Hoss shrugged his shoulders. “The stallion’s here, mares runnin’ about in lots. Where’s the problem?”<\/p>\n

“She wants to breed\u00a0Arabian<\/em>\u00a0horses!” Adam snapped, still avoiding his brother’s gaze, his own eyes still darting about, almost feverishly. “She talked about it… the broodmares in Morocco… she has it all in Morocco.”<\/p>\n

“Fine! Get ’em over here!” Hoss drily returned. “She brought her own horse along all the way from Morocco, shouldn’t be that hard to ship a couple of mares over the pond. Folks do it all the time. Dang, your own mare was shipped from Spain, wasn’t she? If that’s what it takes to make that little gal happy, I’d say go for it!” He casually strolled around the bed, watching the crouched figure from the corner of his eye. “But, Adam, somehow I jest can’t believe that! Every time I saw that little lady she was as happy as a lamb in the flowerbed by just looking at you! I ain’t never seen eyes as black as hers shinin’ as bright as when she looked at you! The whole gal was shinin’ with love!”<\/p>\n

“I can’t even build her a house!” Adam nearly choked up, slamming his fist on the quilt.<\/p>\n

“Why not?” Hoss pulled a guileless face. “Ain’t you an architect no more? Can’t be that complicated for a crafty feller like you to plaster a cabin together.” He shot his brother a suddenly sharp look. “Now ain’t it funny, older brother, that you just come up with all that poppycock after you’ve got your hide tanned in the desert?”<\/p>\n

A hiss came from Adam, but he didn’t move. Nonetheless Hoss felt the tension mounting up in the cramped body.<\/p>\n

“Sure reckon that would’ve been tough enough for anyone.” Hoss resumed his aimless sauntering around the room. “But, we’re dealin’ with Mr. Perfect here, who’s always a step above the average. Heaven forbid anyone sees Mr. Perfect beaten up like that, or has him ask for comfort or even some help. Much better to chase all that love him away, ain’t it so, older brother?”<\/p>\n

“Leave me alone!” Adam’s voice was shaking. “Get out of here!”<\/p>\n

Hoss ignored him, continuing his tirade in an almost playful manner. “And that’s all there is with all that hogwash ’bout breedin’ horses and not getting a house together. Normal folks would just build a little hut for a start and wait for better times to come, but not our Mr. Perfect! No, Siree! No way Mr. Perfect puts his gal into a measly cabin when he oughta shake a palace from his sleeve. And sure he won’t let his gal be happy with just one fine horse. Cause’, she’s goin’ to be Mrs Perfect, she’s gotta breed high class fidgety Arab grasshoppers, whether she asked for it or not.”<\/p>\n

“Hoss, stop it!” Adam trembled, his words came coarse and short of air. “Stop it right now!”<\/p>\n

“Too bad that just now, our Mr. Perfect has his world fallin’ apart ’cause he just figured out he ain’t that perfect as he’d always thought he was. He just breaks down like everybody else when he’s beaten up. He feels weak and helpless at times just like those ordinary folks that never went to college. He finds it hard to start a life from scratch, just like anybody else, and can’t get ev’rything sorted out any more with any clever books either. And what’s more, all that stuff he’d swept under the carpet for so long comes out with a vengeance to bite him in the butt. Poor Mr. Perfect!”<\/p>\n

Adam furiously snapped to his seat, his hands flying to the nightstand. There was nothing standing on it anymore, so he grabbed his pillow and threw it at his brother.\u00a0“Get out! Leave me alone!”<\/em><\/p>\n

Hoss picked up the pillow and threw it back. “But the one thing our Mr. Perfect never got in that thick skull of his was no one ever wanted him to be perfect in the first place! Surely not that little gal. Reckon all she ever wanted was a man to love and who’d love her. Someone she could trust that he would stand by her, no matter what.”<\/p>\n

“Hoss, stop it…” It was but a pained whisper.<\/p>\n

But there was no stopping Hoss. Strolling across the room, his big hands stressing his words, Hoss went on like a man carried away by his own performance. “Like they say in the marriage vows:\u00a0To love thee and stand by thee in good times and in bad times.<\/em>\u00a0Only trouble is our Mr. Perfect here ain’t trustin’ anyone enough to see\u00a0him<\/em>\u00a0havin’ some bad times,\u00a0noooo!<\/em>\u00a0That little gal sure longed so much to help and comfort him, but Mr. Perfect’s jest too dang stiff-necked to let anyone get close ’nuff to have a look at\u00a0his<\/em>\u00a0inside. He’d rather scare that little gal off, break her heart and ruin her life, just so that he can refurnish his shiny polishin’ ‘n start struttin’ about as Mr. Perfect again!”<\/p>\n

“HOSS!” Furious, Adam was about to jump out of bed, livid with rage, to charge at his brother. But he caught himself and sank down, half kneeling on the mattress. His hands were cramped to claws, his face was a grimace. “Hoss, I swear… get out of here, or else…”<\/p>\n

“Well…” Hoss shrugged his shoulders, but couldn’t prevent a sly twinkle in his eyes. Older brother had been darn quick. It probably was more his long nightshirt than his weakness that had prevented him from jumping at his brother’s throat. “I ain’t much in oratory, older brother, but I reckon I’ve said my piece.” He turned to the door. “Oh, one last thing! You’re sure the biggest, dumbest, stubbornest, dadburniest\u00a0idiot<\/em>\u00a0I’ve ever seen in my life. With all your fine education and books and stuff, you’re too dadburn dumb to see the woods for the trees, and that’s plain fact!” He left the room and closed the door behind him.<\/p>\n

Adam stayed mute, his eyes closed, hands to fists, shivering with rage and despair.<\/p>\n

* * *<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

“Oh, Hoss…” Ben Cartwright came out of the kitchen, carefully balancing a cup of coffee. “I hadn’t expected you back until after sundown! Everything’s going well in the lumber camp?”<\/p>\n

“Sure, Pa. We’re well ahead of the schedule.”<\/p>\n

“Good. You haven’t seen Joe?”<\/p>\n

“Joe? No, ain’t seen him all day.”<\/p>\n

Ben swallowed his anger at his wayward youngest and the unchopped wood outside and put the cup on the table, next to a small pile of books. “You’ve been in Adam’s room? Is he alright?”<\/p>\n

Hoss pursed his lips. “He sure is, Pa. Fine as frog’s hair.”<\/p>\n

“Is he sleeping now?”<\/p>\n

“Sleepin’ alright, Pa!”<\/p>\n

Ben nodded. “Come on, get yourself a coffee.”<\/p>\n

“Sorry, Pa, I gotta stable my horse. Left him standin’ there to see Adam first.”<\/p>\n

A smile glided over Ben’s face as he sat down. How typical for Hoss. “Sure, son… oh, wait! Have you seen Adam’s new medicine? I’ve left it on the round table.”<\/p>\n

“No…” Hoss shrugged his shoulders. “Ain’t seen none of it, Pa. Maybe Hop Sing took it upstairs.”<\/p>\n

“That’s likely, yes.” Ben watched his middle son leaving the house and leaned back in his red armchair. It had been a busy day. First getting the young lady to the stagecoach, then a meeting with Doctor Martin and another one with William Simmons and Henry Miller. The sheep had literally set the area on fire and it was time for harsher means to get rid of them once and for all. He hadn’t arrived home until late midday, trying to talk to Adam who had neither moved nor uttered a word and refused to even look at his father. Ben sighed. He had to be patient. His eyes fell on the books on the table and he reluctantly took one of them. He almost felt stupid scouring one Shakespeare play after the other in search for an ominous quote that he just couldn’t get out of his mind. But maybe it wouldn’t harm to refresh his knowledge of the classics. At least he should be able to recognize the quotes his son kept throwing around.<\/p>\n

Resting his cheek on his hand, he began to read.<\/p>\n

King Lear. Act 1. Scene 1. King Lear’s palace. Enter Kent, Gloucester and Edmund.<\/em><\/p>\n

Kent: I thought the king had more affected the Duke of Albany than Cornwall.<\/em><\/p>\n

Ben yawned and read on. What a drama. And what a sad figure of a father… Ben twisted his mouth. At least old Lear didn’t have to search through Shakespeare plays to find out what his offsprings were thinking. Maybe he should have…<\/p>\n

Goneril: You see how full of changes his age is;\u00a0the observation we have made of it hath not been little:\u00a0he always loved our sister most;\u00a0and with what poor judgment he hath now cast her off\u00a0appears too grossly.<\/em><\/p>\n

Regan: ‘Tis the infirmity of his age: yet he hath ever\u00a0but slenderly known himself.<\/em><\/p>\n

Ben yawned again and reached out for his pipe and tobacco. It was a bit early to savor the luxury of a smoke, but it would probably keep him awake. Slightly amused about his lack of respect for a playwright his eldest son adored he skipped through the small book, scanning over the pages in search of the elusive quote without really taking in their contents.<\/p>\n

“He asked me if he could play it, I said it was alright.”<\/em><\/p>\n

“Adam, I don\u2019t ever want you to play this again, you understand?”<\/em><\/p>\n

Ben unwillingly crinkled his brow and exhaled a cloud of smoke. Inger’s voice had sounded so clearly in his mind that it almost felt as if she were standing aside, looking at him with that incredulous astonishment on her face. His own words pained him, the memory was embarrassing. How cruel of him to snatch the music box from the boy’s hands. His mother’s music box. And Adam had not even looked up. He had been used to his father’s moods back then. He had learned to retreat into himself early in his childhood. Ben shook off the sudden, unexpected reflection and tried to concentrate on the book. Maybe it was the infirmity of\u00a0his<\/em>\u00a0age that made him think of the past so much… He blew a mirthless chuckle.<\/p>\n

Edgar: The gods are just, and of our pleasant vicesMake instruments to plague us:The dark and vicious place where thee he gotCost him his eyes.<\/em><\/p>\n

Edmund: Thou hast spoken right, ’tis true;The wheel is come full circle: I am here.<\/em><\/p>\n

Ben froze. There it was, the quote he had been looking for, the last thing Adam had said to him. The words of Edmund before his death, realizing that his fate was sealed and the wheel of fortune had come full circle to put him back at the bottom and crush him. Ben shook his head. But this made no sense! Adam wasn’t an illegitimate son striving for power, and he, Ben, certainly had not gotten him in any\u00a0dark and vicious places<\/em>! He didn’t lose his eyes, either. What utter nonsense! What was going on in Adam’s head that he’d come up with such ridiculous things?<\/p>\n

Ben paged back in the book, trying to get together what exactly had happened in the play. Wo had been Edmund’s father, anyway? Kent? Gloucester? Edgar had been his brother, the good one. Ben shook his head again. Edmund had been the villain of the piece. It really made no sense at all.<\/p>\n

A sound from the staircase stirred his attention. Ben looked up, not trusting his eyes.<\/p>\n

“Adam!” He jumped up, crossing the room with large steps. “Adam, what are you doing?”<\/p>\n

Adam slowly descended down the stairs, a little stiff-legged. His feet truly were hurting; getting into the boots had been a hard thing with his soles still being sore.<\/p>\n

“Adam, go back into your room!” Ben had reached him, grabbing his arm. Adam was fully clad, he even wore his gun belt and his old fawn-colored suede jacket. And he had shaven – after all these days getting used to his beard, seeing his clean-shaven face came close to a shock. “Have you lost your mind?”<\/p>\n

“No.” Adam unwillingy shirked his shoulder to free his arm. “I just got it back.”<\/p>\n

“Son, you’re ill!” Ben grasped at his arms again. “Doctor Martin…”<\/p>\n

Adam pushed him back so rudely that Ben’s back hit the gunshelf. “I\u00a0was<\/em>\u00a0ill. And it appears to me that someone has made good use of the chance it provided.”<\/p>\n

“What are you talking about?”<\/p>\n

“You\u00a0know<\/em>\u00a0what I’m talking about!” Adam snapped and proceeded to the credenza to pick up his hat.<\/p>\n

“Adam!” Ben took after him. “Son, I won’t\u00a0allow<\/em>\u00a0you to leave the house in that weakened condition in…”<\/p>\n

Adam flew around. “I don’t\u00a0care<\/em>\u00a0anymore what you allow and what not!” His eyes glowed. “And I don’t\u00a0care<\/em>\u00a0what you think!”<\/p>\n

“Son, you listen to me…”<\/p>\n

“And I don’t listen to you anymore, either!” Adam put on his hat and opened the door.<\/p>\n

“Adam!” Ben hastened after him. Hoss! Hoss was outside! If he couldn’t get through to his son, Hoss certainly could talk some sense into him. Adam would listen to his brother. “Adam, wait!”<\/p>\n

Both father and son stopped dead in their tracks as they reached the outside and had a look at the yard.<\/p>\n

There was Hoss, casually fastening a bedroll on the tack of a big, fully saddled chestnut mare.<\/p>\n

Ben stood with his jaw hanging down; Adam made a few steps towards the mare. Mariah nickered with excited delight and started to dance, pulling at her reins to urge towards her long-missed master.<\/p>\n

“Hey, older brother.” Hoss tapped the saddle bags. “Got you some good grub here. Reckon it’ll take you a while to catch that stagecoach.”<\/p>\n

Adam was downright glad for the mare who nuzzled all over him, out of herself with joy to have him back. He affectionately rubbed her face with both hands. “Missed me, girl, eh? I missed you, too…” His eyes shyly wandered to his brother while the mare happily pressed her nose against his shoulder.<\/p>\n

Hoss pursed his lips, a twinkle dancing in his eyes as he conspicuously lowered his voice. “Your medicine’s in the saddle bags. Don’t you forget to take that stuff!”<\/p>\n

“What’s going on here?” Ben drew closer, flabbergasted, his gaze glowering from one to another. “What’s this all about?”<\/p>\n

Adam drew a deep breath and met his brother’s gaze. He had no words, but one look in the smiling blues eyes told him that no words were needed. It seemed as if Hoss was laughing deep inside.<\/p>\n

“Good luck, older brother!”<\/p>\n

“Thanks, Hoss…” Adam nodded his head and hastily mounted the mare, aware that his father was about to burst. Hoss stepped backwards and moved in just such a way that he got in his father’s way who attempted to get a hold of the reins. And before Ben could do anything, Adam had motioned the big mare into a fast canter to storm off the yard.<\/p>\n

“Adam!”<\/em>\u00a0For one moment Ben stared at the corner of the barn around which Adam had just disappeared, then he snapped around to his middle son. “We have to bring him back. We gotta ride after him!”<\/p>\n

“After that mare?” Hoss stood there like the personified innocence. “Pa, she’s the fastest horse in the Comstock! Reckon she could even outrun the grasshopper.”<\/p>\n

Ben gasped for air. “You let your ill brother ride off like that? In his weak condition?”<\/p>\n

Hoss placed his hands in his pockets, studying his boots. “Reckon that’s better than havin’ him live the rest of his life with a broken heart.”<\/p>\n

Ben had no reply and merely watched as his middle son strolled into the barn.<\/p>\n

* * *<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The young man on the top of the crags restlessly paced up and down, watching the road beneath. He had done this for hours now, with patience and impatience in rapidly changing sequences. There was not much of a chance that he might have missed anything. These crags overlooked the biggest part of the way from the Ponderosa to Carson City before the land got flat, and no one waiting up here could be seen from below. It was the perfect spot for anyone to lie in wait for an unsuspecting victim.<\/p>\n

There!<\/p>\n

From afar, hoofbeats could be heard. Fast hooves, doubtlessly from a galloping horse.<\/p>\n

He literally jumped into the air and ran to the spot from which he could see the approaching rider coming around a corner. His face broke to a grin. It was Adam, chasing his fast chestnut mare down the road.<\/p>\n

“HAH! What did I tell you? What did I tell you, Cooch?” Joe almost performed a little dance, his eyes glued to his brother down below. Adam sat well in the saddle, nothing indicated that he was weak or not feeling well, he rode his mare with a sure and steady hand. And nobody knew better than Joe what an exceptionally smooth gait this mare had. Once in her gallop, she felt like she was gliding above the ground.<\/p>\n

“YAY!” Joe hammered his left fist into his right hand before he caught himself and ran to his pinto. It was quite a mile or two until the winding road would finally mound into the open plains where Adam would be safe from any ambushs. That had been the one weak point in their plan – Adam’s unknown foe who might well have been lurking in the hills for Adam to come out. But once he would be out of the mountains, he would be out of danger. In the wide open lands he would see anyone coming.<\/p>\n

Jumping on Cochise’s back, Joe urged the pinto into a gallop. It wasn’t easy to keep up with the tremendously fast mare, not even when he had the advantage of several short-cuts. It was a wild race, criss-cross over rocks and bushes, until he finally reached the end of the crags.<\/p>\n

Joe halted his snorting horse, raising in the stirrups to watch his brother chasing out into the open plains. He laughed all over his face, his green eyes glittering.<\/p>\n

“Good luck, older brother!”<\/p>\n

* * *<\/p>\n

Next Story in The Dreaming Eagle Series:<\/strong><\/p>\n

Spreading Wings<\/a><\/p>\n

<\/div>\n

<\/g><\/svg><\/i> \"Loading\"<\/p>\n

<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Summary:\u00a0 Adam has a hard time with his father still disapproving of his love, he is torn apart by his loyalty to the Ponderosa and his desire to live his own life, be his own man. When a devilish plan leads him into a vicious trap, he goes through a hell of pain and despair, through an ordeal that threatens to break his spirit and jeopardizes his future with the woman he loves.<\/p>\n

Rated:\u00a0 T (128,060 words)<\/p>\n

The Dreaming Eagle Series, links to all the stories within the series are included.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":88,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"template-full-width-post.php","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[7,23],"tags":[14],"class_list":["post-2748","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-a-u","category-drama","tag-adam-cartwright","wpcat-7-id","wpcat-23-id"],"a3_pvc":{"activated":true,"total_views":1356,"today_views":0},"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":2698,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=2698","url_meta":{"origin":2748,"position":0},"title":"The Dreaming Eagle — Book 1 — As it Began (by Hooded Crow)","author":"Hooded Crow","date":"January 4, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"Summary:\u00a0 Adam falls in love with a rather unusual young lady and has a lot of trouble come his way. While facing his father\u2019s strong disapproval, he will have to confront his own deepest feelings and find out what he really wants in his life. Matters are complicated by an\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Alternate Universe"","block_context":{"text":"Alternate Universe","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?cat=7"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":40802,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=40802","url_meta":{"origin":2748,"position":1},"title":"Meanwhile, Back at the Ranch (A Bonanza Really Short Story) by JC","author":"JC","date":"December 24, 2022","format":false,"excerpt":"The Cartwright brothers \u2013 you know them, you love them, but let\u2019s face it \u2013 after all these years things have gotten pretty predictable around the Ponderosa. It\u2019s the same old story in a nutshell... Rating: G WC: 563","rel":"","context":"In "Family"","block_context":{"text":"Family","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?cat=1008"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/11\/The-Saga-of-Annie-O-Toole.jpg?fit=600%2C472&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/11\/The-Saga-of-Annie-O-Toole.jpg?fit=600%2C472&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/11\/The-Saga-of-Annie-O-Toole.jpg?fit=600%2C472&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x"},"classes":[]},{"id":2666,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=2666","url_meta":{"origin":2748,"position":2},"title":"The Dreaming Eagle — Book 3 — Spreading Wings (by Hooded Crow)","author":"Hooded Crow","date":"January 23, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"Summary: \u00a0Adam has overcome the ordeal that nearly broke him and now sets out to find the woman he loves - and then try to set things straight with his father. A flock of sheep gets in the way and sparks off a bitter power struggle between father and son.\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Adam Cartwright"","block_context":{"text":"Adam Cartwright","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?cat=1005"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/09\/2658370-russian-money-gold-coin-with-the-double-headed-eagle-on-the-emblem.jpg?fit=501%2C501&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":3070,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=3070","url_meta":{"origin":2748,"position":3},"title":"Brothers, Above All (by freyakendra)","author":"freyakendra","date":"October 7, 2012","format":false,"excerpt":"Summary: While the Civil War pits brother against brother, a night on Hell's battlefield pulls Joe and Adam into a fight that only one can survive. (Response to ML's 2012 birthday challenge.) Rated: T \u00a0\u00a0Word Count: 3,000\u00a0","rel":"","context":"In "Drama"","block_context":{"text":"Drama","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?cat=23"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/civilwar.jpg?fit=384%2C348&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":4111,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=4111","url_meta":{"origin":2748,"position":4},"title":"My Bonanza Poems (by ViveAdam)","author":"ViveAdam","date":"April 27, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"Summary: \u00a0I gathered here a few poems that Bonanza inspired to me \u00a0 Rated: K \u00a0WC \u00a01300","rel":"","context":"In "Poetry"","block_context":{"text":"Poetry","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?cat=9"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/4Cartwrights.jpg?fit=849%2C541&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/4Cartwrights.jpg?fit=849%2C541&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/4Cartwrights.jpg?fit=849%2C541&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/4Cartwrights.jpg?fit=849%2C541&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x"},"classes":[]},{"id":4863,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=4863","url_meta":{"origin":2748,"position":5},"title":"Checkmate (by Krystyna)","author":"Krystyna","date":"June 18, 2011","format":false,"excerpt":"Summary: An evening playing chess and memories hover ... Rating: K+ (1,510 words)","rel":"","context":"In "Drama"","block_context":{"text":"Drama","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?cat=23"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/game.jpeg?fit=445%2C317&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]}],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2748","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/88"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2748"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2748\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2748"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2748"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2748"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}