{"id":27624,"date":"2020-01-24T10:40:11","date_gmt":"2020-01-24T15:40:11","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=27624"},"modified":"2025-09-25T15:39:19","modified_gmt":"2025-09-25T19:39:19","slug":"when-lies-wound-a-broken-heart-by-missjudy","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=27624","title":{"rendered":"When Lies Wound a Broken Heart (by Missjudy)"},"content":{"rendered":"

Summary<\/strong>: Ben’s presence with his family is sporadic and brief. Adam is feeling frazzled with running the ranch and caring for his brothers. Hop Sing is holding his breath wondering if the family can ever be the same, and Little Joe has heard something in town that his very young heart believes, despite all evidence to the contrary. (A prequel)<\/p>\n

Rating<\/strong>: K<\/p>\n

Word Count<\/strong>: 9990<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Moments: When Lies Wound a Broken Heart<\/strong><\/p>\n

Adam turned briefly to check on Little Joe in the back of the wagon. They were more than half-way home, and the boy had said nothing since they\u2019d left the small town growing up around Cass\u2019 store.<\/p>\n

In the last year, a boarding house with a small restaurant, a saloon, barber shop, and to everyone\u2019s great relief, a livery with a blacksmith, had joined the general mercantile and a few other small businesses, to create a center where folks from surrounding homesteads could meet while getting supplies.<\/p>\n

What was seldom cited as another major reason for the town\u2019s growth, was the Ponderosa. Ben Cartwright had staked a claim here for his family when the only thing in the area was a trading post for trappers. But the former seafarer from Boston had seen the potential in the pine-covered hillsides and stretches of grazing land watered by alpine streams. It hadn\u2019t taken long to grow his holdings, turning those acres from a profitable trapping enterprise into a burgeoning cattle ranch. The story of his success was being spread by those who were guiding wagon trains west. The presence of a prosperous neighbor bode well, and several families had ended their trip to set roots here.<\/p>\n

Adam stole another quick look back to confirm Joe\u2019s sullen appearance, raising the older boy\u2019s suspicion that the child wasn\u2019t feeling well. Trips home after a day in town were usually filled with tales of Joe\u2019s exploits with other children while his brothers had gotten supplies, placed orders, and finally sat around on nail barrels in front of Cass\u2019 store to compare stories with others doing the same chores.<\/p>\n

Leaning closer to Hoss, Adam nodded towards the rear of the wagon. \u201cAny idea what\u2019s up with him?\u201d he asked quietly.<\/p>\n

The two older boys\u2019 heads nearly met as Hoss responded in a similar volume. \u201cAin\u2019t got a clue. I found him sitting behind Cass\u2019 while the other kids were off playin\u2019. He came along without a fuss, and ain\u2019t said nothin\u2019 more than yes or no to me.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam\u2019s cheek drew up as he considered the atypical behavior Hoss described. It normally required the threat of being carried to the wagon over his brothers\u2019 shoulders to make Little Joe disengage from the fun. It disturbed him to the point he pulled up on the reins and brought the wagon to a halt. \u201cHey, Joe,\u201d he said as he turned and smiled at the youngster. \u201cHoss and I can make room up here if you\u2019d like to sit between us. You look kind of lonely back there.\u201d<\/p>\n

The child was a mere six-years-old, but his green eyes held fire and wisdom. He flashed a look towards his oldest brother that was anything but cordial. \u201cThe last place on earth I want to be is sitting between the two a you.\u201d The anger vanished as quickly as it had formed, and Joe looked away, heaving a deep sigh.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou feeling all right, buddy?\u201d Adam tried again to get some clue as to Little Joe\u2019s mood. \u201cI know your stomach gets to twirling a bit when the Cass kids raid the store for rock candy.\u201d<\/p>\n

The inquiry brought no response, making Adam repeat, \u201cAre you sick, Joe?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m not sick!\u201d The words were nearly shouted even though Joe continued to look away. But he slowly turned to address Adam again. \u201cBut maybe you\u2019d be happier if I was.\u201d<\/p>\n

The puzzled wrinkles reappeared on Adam\u2019s cheeks and forehead, and this time, his expression was mirrored on Hoss\u2019 face.<\/p>\n

The middle brother shrugged and then leaned close again. \u201cHe\u2019s got somethin\u2019 in his craw right now. I\u2019m bettin\u2019 one a them kids said somethin\u2019 to start him broodin\u2019. It\u2019s best to let him be.”<\/p>\n

Two<\/strong><\/p>\n

Hop Sing walked into the dining room carrying a platter of baked potatoes and roast beef. He stopped abruptly as he observed the number of Cartwrights awaiting the meal. He was used to keeping a plate warm for when\u2026or if\u2026Ben came home, but there was a further absence. \u201cLittle Joe sick from candy in town?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWe don\u2019t know,\u201d Hoss admitted honestly. \u201cHe didn\u2019t talk on the way home, and ran up to our room as soon as we got back.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI knocked on his door on my way down to supper,\u201d Adam volunteered, \u201cbut he wouldn\u2019t answer.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI get rest of dinner for you, then go see what wrong.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThat might be best.\u201d Adam looked at Hoss who nodded his agreement. \u201cHe might just tell you what\u2019s bothering him.\u201d<\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

The older boys were filling their plates when Hop Sing headed upstairs. The small Chinese man spoke broken English, and didn\u2019t understand everything he heard, but he was an intuitive man who\u2019d felt the pulse of this household slowing in the weeks since Marie had died.<\/p>\n

He knew his boss had also lost Adam and Hoss\u2019 mothers without any warning. But the stories he\u2019d heard about those tragedies had confirmed that there\u2019d been too much at stake following them to allow the head of this family to stall in grief. Based on this, Hop Sing struggled to understand the man\u2019s current shutdown. Instead of keeping his life on track, Ben Cartwright had slowed like a watch needing winding, until he\u2019d simply stopped. He\u2019d told Hop Sing and the boys that he needed to take a few days alone to think.<\/p>\n

Those \u201cfew days\u201d had stretched into weeks. He made appearances at the house only to ensure that the men were getting their wages and Hop Sing had cash for supplies. He\u2019d work on the ledgers a bit, and spend enough time with his sons to reassure himself that they were getting by. These trips might include a family meal and an overnight at the house, but he\u2019d be gone again before his sons came down for breakfast. No one knew where he spent his time, and when Hop Sing asked him directly about where they could find him if necessary, he\u2019d said, \u201cOut there,\u201d while pointing to the horizon.<\/p>\n

What was happening to this family he loved, bit at his heart, and made him wonder if Ben would ever find his way home. What tore at him most, was that the best parts of Ben Cartwright\u2014his sons\u2014also struggled with the loss of Mrs. Cartwright, and it left them anxious and wary now that their father\u2019s absence was extending. they were making the best of it, but the strain of the abandonment and insecurity about the future was cracking their hope for ever having things the way they\u2019d been before.<\/p>\n

What Hop Sing observed was an increasing darkness and growing sadness. He assumed that the boys kept going, fearing that if they didn\u2019t, it would be their fault if the family fell apart. It wasn\u2019t a cook\u2019s place to settle this, yet as he approached Little Joe\u2019s room, he suspected that he was about to witness the first actual tear in the worn-out fabric holding these three together.<\/p>\n

He knocked softly and immediately opened the door. The Cartwrights had rules about privacy and knocking, but those didn\u2019t apply right now. Adam was frazzled with trying to be a ranch manager, a consoler and a parent, and Hoss kept going because of Adam\u2019s strength, so at this moment, Hop Sing knew he had to take charge.<\/p>\n

Little Joe was leaning against the window sill, staring out. \u201cYou no come for dinner. You sick?\u201d he asked. Without waiting for a reply, he moved to the child\u2019s side and felt his forehead. \u00a0\u201cNo fever. You come down, eat with brothers.\u201d<\/p>\n

Little Joe continued staring forward. \u201cI don\u2019t want to be with them ever again.\u201d<\/p>\n

The eyes of the small man popped open: the only outward indication of his surprise. \u201cThey do something bad to you in town?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo.\u201d A deep, loud sigh preceded silence, but the boy did turn to look at his companion.<\/p>\n

\u201cThen why you mad at them?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThey killed my mama.\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe\u2019s face became granite; his look so cold and hard that Hop Sing took a sharp breath. \u201cThat not true. You know Mama die in accident.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s what everyone thinks<\/em>, but Adam and Hoss are the reason<\/em> it happened.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou just missing Mama tonight. I bring supper tray up. You eat; get good sleep. All better in morning.\u201d Hop Sing turned to leave, but realized he needed more information about this new demon causing the youngest son\u2019s mind and heart to blaze against his own family. He turned back and gently grasped Little Joe shoulders. \u201cWhat make you say that about brothers?\u201d<\/p>\n

The boy\u2019s chin rose defiantly and he stared straight into Hop Sing\u2019s eyes before he lost his nerve and looked away. \u201cSomeone told me the truth about a lot of things in this family. Hoss and Adam didn\u2019t make Mama\u2019s horse fall, but she wouldn\u2019t have died if it weren\u2019t for them!\u201d He pulled away from the cook\u2019s hands, and threw himself on the bed, pounding the mattress with his fists as he sunk into it.<\/p>\n

This was one of those times where\u2019s Hop Sing\u2019s trouble with English left him bewildered. How could someone not be responsible for an event, but still be responsible for the deadly outcome? What he did understand was that Little Joe was confused and hurt over something he\u2019d heard. And that \u201csomething\u201d was so awful that it shook his faith to the point of doubting those who loved him and would willingly give their lives for him. \u00a0His intuition told him that Little Joe was too upset to answer more questions or listen to reason. \u201cYou need food and rest.\u201d He pulled the child into a sitting position on the bed and pointed towards the washstand in the corner. \u201cWater in there. Clean up. I get tray.\u201d<\/p>\n

Three<\/strong><\/p>\n

The youngest brother\u2019s seat at the table remained empty the next morning at breakfast.<\/p>\n

Adam waited as Hop Sing set a plate piled with bacon in front of Hoss, and then asked, \u201cYou told us Little Joe was too tired to come down last night, and you let Hoss sleep in Pa\u2019s bed* so he wouldn\u2019t disturb him. But since he\u2019s still not here, I\u2019m worried that he really is ill.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHe not sick,\u201d the cook replied as he returned to the kitchen and reappeared carrying a bowl and a plate of bread. \u201cHe sad\u2026I think.\u201d<\/p>\n

Hoss scooped a good portion of the fluffy yellow eggs onto his plate. \u201cWe get that, but he ain\u2019t never not wanted to be with us when he gets that way. I stuck my head in our room on the way down, and he wouldn\u2019t look over nor say nothing to me. He was dressed, but he just stared out the window.\u201d<\/p>\n

Hop Sing sighed, aware that a good meal and sleep hadn\u2019t healed the wound inflicted the previous day. \u201cI go see what wrong.\u201d\u00a0 He headed for the steps, now very grateful that the boys\u2019 rooms did not have locks or he was sure he\u2019d be taking Joe\u2019s door off the hinges to get inside. This time, he didn\u2019t knock, and he found the boy in the same position Hoss had described. \u201cYou look at me,\u201d he commanded of the youngster, who complied quickly. A quick check with the back of his hand confirmed there was no fever. \u201cWhy you not downstairs?\u201d<\/p>\n

There was no hesitation. \u201cThe same reason as last night. I don\u2019t want to be near my brothers.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI not run restaurant. You come down now or go hungry.\u201d Hop Sing was firm but not unkind. \u201cYou work out foolishment with brothers.\u201d<\/p>\n

The bravado Joe was displaying at the start of the conversation faltered. \u201cI can\u2019t do that, Hop Sing. If I stay with my brothers, the same thing that happened to Mama will happen to me.\u201d<\/p>\n

The small man was completely confused. \u201cWhat you saying?\u201d<\/p>\n

The straight back and raised chin reappeared. \u201cYou go to town, so you\u2019ve heard what everyone knows. It\u2019s why Pa won\u2019t come home. He must be afraid of them too. I wish they\u2019d leave and never come back!\u201d<\/p>\n

A dark thought formed at the back of Hop Sing\u2019s mind. He had heard ugly presumptions being offered about the dark cloud hanging over the Cartwright family when he\u2019d gone to town for supplies. But he hadn\u2019t heard anything said about the boys. Now he suspected some child had heard the gossip and altered the message by accident or intentionally. With Little Joe struggling with sadness and confusion, he\u2019d taken bait and hook and he was caught in the misery of believing.\u00a0 \u201cWho say these things to you?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cDoesn\u2019t matter. He said everyone<\/em> knows and agrees.\u201d<\/p>\n

Another frightening thought spread through Hop Sing\u2019s thoughts. The boy had mentioned wishing to be rid of Adam and Hoss. Would their continued presence at the house be enough to make the child steal off on his own to get away from them? A solution formed quickly. \u201cYou wait up here. Brothers going with crew for couple days. You and me at house: no brothers. I come up when they gone.\u201d<\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

Adam noted the worried look on their cook\u2019s face as hurried down the stairs. He tossed his napkin on the table and stood. \u201cWhat\u2019s wrong?\u201d His rising tone reflected his rising concern.<\/p>\n

Hop Sing raised his finger to his lips and nodded towards the kitchen, before saying loudly. \u201cYou two come, so I pack right food for trip.\u201d<\/p>\n

The older brother had picked up on the cook\u2019s need for privacy, but Hoss\u2019 back was towards him and he said, \u201cWhat you mean by our\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

Rounding the table, Adam clamped his hand over his younger brother\u2019s mouth, and whispered, \u201cJust follow us. Somethings wrong with Joe, and Hop Sing doesn\u2019t want him hearing what he\u2019s going to tell us.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOh!\u201d Hoss shoveled the last of his eggs into his mouth and grabbed his buttered and jellied bread before following the other two.<\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

\u201cSo what\u2019s going on with him?\u201d Adam asked while pacing around the kitchen table. \u201cThere\u2019s no doctor out here, but Sally Marshall has eight kids, so she\u2019s close to an expert.\u201d<\/p>\n

Hoss leaned against the table Adam was circling. \u201cWhat I wanna know is whether we\u2019re really have to head out with the men? I was gonna do my chores and ride over to the Thompson place to go fishin\u2019 with Mark.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou two stop moving and talking,\u201d Hop Sing said sternly, bringing Adam to a halt, and Hoss to attention. \u201cBrother not sick here,\u201d he pointed to his stomach. \u201cHe sick here.\u201d A quick indication to his head, and, \u201cHere.\u201d The diagnoses was ended with Hop Sing\u2019s hand over his heart. \u201cSomeone tell him something in town, make him sad\u2026afraid.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cDidn\u2019t I say that,\u201d Hoss broke in as he looked towards Adam for agreement.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou did, Hoss, but Hop Sing said he\u2019s more than sad.\u201d He addressed the cook. \u201cIt\u2019s the other part I don\u2019t understand. Who\u2019s he afraid of?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou.\u201d He looked from one brother to the next.<\/p>\n

\u201cHuh? We ain\u2019t done nothin\u2019 to him. It\u2019s more like we been doin\u2019 everything we can to keep his mind off what\u2019s wrong.\u201d<\/p>\n

Hop Sing nodded. \u201cWe all doing that. This different. He say someone tell him it brothers\u2019 fault Mama die, and he afraid he and Papa die too if you stay.\u201d<\/p>\n

The jaws on both brothers dropped simultaneously, but Hoss was the first to recover enough to speak. \u201cHe thinks we killed Mama! We loved his mama just like he did, and we wasn\u2019t even home the day it happened.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI say that, and he say you not kill her. You\u2026cause it. I no understand difference.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam sighed long and loud. \u201cThere was always talk in town that the Cartwrights had some sort of curse that accounted for the death of three wives: three mothers. No one would say that to our faces, but it made good gossip behind our backs. A couple of weeks ago, Dave Cass asked if he could come out to go fishing with us. I was in a bad mood. Pa hadn\u2019t been home for over a week, and there was so much to get done that I snapped at him about us not having time for fun. He fought back dirty, repeating all the gossip about Pa being a bad father, and the speculation that he might have done something to get shed of his wives when he\u2019d gotent tired of them.\u201d<\/p>\n

This time Hop Sing\u2019s jaw hung down. \u201cWhat you say to him?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThat he had no call spreading such lies, and that anyone who\u2019d think or say anything bad about Pa should have to go through what he has so they\u2019d learn compassion.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYeah!\u201d Hoss said adamantly. \u201cYou think Dave said them things to Joe too?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSort of. He didn\u2019t like what I said, so his next theory was that if it wasn\u2019t Pa\u2019s fault that our mothers all died, then it must be mine. I know there\u2019s gossip that I\u2019m a jinx: a Jonah who has brought bad luck to my family since the day I was born.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThat ain\u2019t true one bit.\u201d Hoss\u2019 face turned beet red as his fists clenched. \u201cIf it weren\u2019t fer you, our family couldn\u2019t be where it is today. I\u2019d say you was the best bit of luck Pa could ever have gotten.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThanks, Hoss.\u201d The blush rose and faded as Adam continued. \u201cBut I\u2019m different, and therefore an easy target. Even though I do the same things as other kids, I also read a lot, ask questions, and don\u2019t let people put me off or lie to me. That makes people wary.\u201d He looked directly at Hop Sing. \u201cYesterday, Dave wanted Hoss and me to stay and \u2018play\u2019 with him, but we couldn\u2019t. He got mad, and it didn\u2019t help that I suggested that he should help his father more in the store instead of playing with little kids. My guess is that he got back at me by filling Joe\u2019s head with lies.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhy Cass boy do such ugly thing?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHe\u2019s got a mean streak sometimes,\u201d Hoss explained. \u201cHe feels like king of the mountain most times, cuz his pa\u2019s got that good business, and he don\u2019t like it when he doesn\u2019t get his way. He\u2019s called me some awful names when he\u2019s mad. But then a few minutes later, he\u2019s all smiles and fun, like he don\u2019t remember what he just said.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam nodded. \u201cI\u2019ve seen that too.\u2019s confusing, is that Dave\u2019s mother died shortly after Joe was born. He understands that no one in his family was responsible for that. If his father doesn\u2019t rein this mean streak in with some serious discipline, I fear Dave\u2019s razor-sharp tongue and mean spirit will get him in big trouble one day.\u201d<\/p>\n

Quiet settled over the kitchen as the three considered all that had been revealed.<\/p>\n

\u201cAdam can go up to Joe and explain what happened,\u201d Hoss said hopefully. \u201cThen I can go fishin\u2019.\u201d<\/p>\n

Hop Sing swung his head so forcefully, that his braid deposited itself on his shoulder. \u201cLittle Joe not listen to brother. He afraid. No sense, but it so. Would say Adam try to trick him. There only one way to stop this.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam\u2019s voice was resigned. \u201cWe need to find Pa. Losing Marie was awful enough, but Pa disappearing as well is too much for Joe.\u201d The young man looked down at his feet. \u201cI\u2019ve never known Pa to run away, so I don\u2019t understand what he\u2019s going through. But it\u2019s time to come home.\u201d<\/p>\n

Four<\/strong><\/p>\n

Hoss and Adam gathered a few necessities for their trip while Hop Sing put together enough food for several days away. Hoss needed to go into the room he shared with his younger brother, but as before, there was no conversation. Adam did stop to tell Joe goodbye, without mentioning where they were going.<\/p>\n

The two exiles were quiet as they rode out with the other men as a bit of subterfuge to keep the youngest brother unaware of their true mission. But they parted company at the first crossroads to head west while the drovers headed south. Wes, their cattle foreman had offered a few men to help, after Hop Sing explained the situation, but the consensus reached earlier in the kitchen, had been that this was a job to be done by family. Ben might be found faster with more people looking, but they didn\u2019t want him riding home only to put out a fire and set off again. Hop Sing was convinced that only his sons could make an appeal that would bring their father home\u2014voluntarily and permanently.<\/p>\n

\u201cDo we separate here too or go on together,\u201d Hoss asked as they watched the rest of the crew ride away.<\/p>\n

\u201cFrom what the guys told us, no one has ever seen Pa out in the open country other than when he rides in to check on the herd. My best guess is he\u2019s west, in the hills back near that log cabin we lived in while trapping. It would give him a central place to go, and I\u2019ve often heard him say that being up there brings him peace. Let\u2019s both go that direction, and then we\u2019ll fan out to search, and meet up at intervals, and at night.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou afraid of losing me?\u201d The comment came with a smile.<\/p>\n

Adam shook his head and picked at a bur on his saddle blanket. \u201cI don\u2019t admit things like this often, Little Brother, but right now, I\u2019m afraid about so much I can hardly breathe at times.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cLike what?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cLike that we won\u2019t find Pa\u2026or that we will, and he won\u2019t come home for good. A good part of me fears that nothing will ever be the same again. If that happens, I\u2019ll raise you and Joe the best I can, while the two of you hate me for not being Pa. Wes will keep things going with the herds, but I have no experience with the financial side of ranching, and will probably lose everything before I figure out how to run it.\u201d He watched Hoss\u2019 expression become somber, and he lightened his tone as he concluded, \u201cI\u2019ll become a legendary failure. People will tell stories of the kid on the east side of the Sierras who had a fortune that was better than gold\u2026and lost it all in months, ending up having to raise his brothers in a cave.\u201d<\/p>\n

Hoss inched his horse closer to his brother and grabbed his arm. \u201cI know you said that last part, tryin\u2019 to be funny, but there\u2019s a couple a things you should know. You ain\u2019t never failed at anything, so far as I recall. And you\u2019ll do yer best no matter what, if need be. But you won\u2019t have to, because we\u2019re gonna find Pa.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd say what to him when we do? I\u2019m afraid I\u2019ll either scream at him or start to blubber and say nothing.\u201d A hint of a smile broke the granite-like fix on Adam\u2019s features that fear had placed there<\/p>\n

\u201cI been wonderin\u2019 the same thing, Older Brother, and I\u2019ve been prayin\u2019 on it something fierce each night. The words aren\u2019t there yet, but I\u2019ll get them when I need them.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam\u2019s smile grew larger. \u201cYou remind me so much of your mother. She was calm and encouraging even when everything seemed to be going wrong.\u201d<\/p>\n

Hoss sniffed loudly. \u201cWe best get started. Pa ain\u2019t gonna find himself.\u201d<\/p>\n

Both horses moved forward with gentle nudges from their riders. The smile that had begun with Hoss\u2019 assessment of their situation remained and grew again briefly as Adam considered the truth of the boy\u2019s final statement. Their father was lost in a wave of grief and doubt, and after indulging in it for so long, it was<\/em> unlikely he would ever be able to find himself.<\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

Ben crouched at the edge of a steam holding the reins while his horse took a drink. In this position, he caught a reflection of himself, and was startled. The man looking back at him bore no resemblance to the man Ben knew. This man looked haggard, had a shaggy, grizzled beard and badly needed a haircut. Unable to confront the truth of his appearance, he rolled backwards into a sitting position and let the gray, dappled horse munch on grass.<\/p>\n

His outward dishevelment was only half as bad as what was occurring deep inside his soul. He breathed out, shaking his head. It baffled him that he was once a man of plans and drive: sure of himself and his decisions. Not all of them were perfectly planned, but he made them work if he committed to them.<\/p>\n

Marie was one of those unplanned occurrences. He\u2019d courted Elizabeth for a few years while he\u2019d proven his worth to himself and Abel. Inger was a surprise, but they\u2019d both needed someone to believe in. She saw in him what he\u2019d feared was gone at a low time in his life, and he had given her a life of purpose and adventure. It had taken her love and absolute devotion to get him moving onwards when he\u2019d reached the end of his resources, and her faith supporting his, had sustained them when they\u2019d bought a bigger wagon and set out across the country.<\/p>\n

But Marie had been a flash of light\u2014too bright to ignore\u2014to beautiful to turn from, even when his early attempts to meet her were spurned. He\u2019d sought her out as a death-bed request, and found that she\u2019d also been through the crucible of loss and misfortune. She\u2019d needed someone to believe her without doubt: someone to stand up for her and restore what others had taken. Whether it had been his desire to return honor to this wonderful, innocent woman, or his instant love of her spirit, despite all that had happened, he\u2019d known he wanted to be with her forever.<\/p>\n

She\u2019d eventually allowed him in, and their marriage had been sweet. Marie brought grace and gentleness to his home; order and guidance to his children, and she never let him have his way unless she was in full agreement. All these traits were wrapped with her love. She mothered Hoss, mentored Adam, and bore him another son who possessed his mother\u2019s spirit and spunk. Even with her gone, he understood that he still had so much to live for. There was land and growing wealth\u2026and his boys. Yet when Marie\u2019s life had left her, his had seemed to leave as well. He felt guilt about what he was doing, but he simply couldn\u2019t face the expectation that he pretend \u00a0hislife could go on as normal, when the fire in it had been extinguished.<\/p>\n

He hadn\u2019t been to town since Marie\u2019s death, but he knew the crew talked when they visited the saloon, and surely his absence was noticed as Adam assumed responsibilities for the ranch and his brothers. There was no doubt the gossip was rampant and ugly by now, yet he had no energy to end it.<\/p>\n

At times, he wondered if he might be suffering from a fatal disease. His body hurt; he had no appetite and his mind wandered. His belt was full of new holes to keep his loosening pants from sliding down, and the man who\u2019d stared back at him from the stream just now, was distinctly drawn an unhealthy looking.<\/p>\n

It might have spurred him more, if when he had gone home in the last weeks, he\u2019d found things in an uproar because of his absence. Being truthful, the calm he convinced himself existed there, only appeared that way because it was what he wanted to see. Everyone was glad to have him home, yet they were quiet and careful around him. During his visits, he was careful to never look his children in the eyes. He knew he\u2019d see their confusion and fear. He preferred wearing blinders, so he could leave when he itched to be alone again.<\/p>\n

During these absent weeks, he\u2019d ridden the hills, gazing at the lake from high ridges and the shoreline. He\u2019d felt some peace amid the tall fragrant pines and earthy smells of the forest floor, but it never accompanied him beyond the hills. Their cabin he\u2019d built from these pines when they\u2019d first arrived, had become his refuge. He\u2019d hoped to rediscover the man he\u2019d been back then: forging ahead with his dream, raising two youngsters the best he could while creating a good life. Adam and Hoss had been adaptable kids, and as tough as things had been, they\u2019d all thrived.<\/p>\n

He didn\u2019t love his boys less since Marie\u2019s death. He just felt empty, with nothing left to offer them. There were times when the deep, cold mountain lake called to him\u2014telling him it would make him feel whole again and take away his pain. He\u2019d resisted this siren so far, knowing that somewhere deep inside, there was still a fire laid, and all that was required was a spark to bring it to life.<\/p>\n

As usual of late, his contemplation got him nowhere. Rising, he patted the horse\u2019s broad rump. \u201cTime to mosey on, old boy.\u201d<\/p>\n

Up in the saddle, Ben did a sweep of the world around him, hoping to figure out where to go next. \u201cUpwards seems good,\u201d he told his surroundings, and pulled the reins to the right.<\/p>\n

Five<\/strong><\/p>\n

Adam and Hoss made it to the edge of the hills by mid-day and separated to search, meeting at dusk to camp.<\/p>\n

\u201cPa\u2019s horse has that right, front shoe that\u2019s a little different, so I know it\u2019s him, but there\u2019s no way to pick the trail that will get us to where he is,\u201d Hoss reported as his brother got a fire going to warm up the stew Hop Sing had sent.<\/p>\n

\u201cI saw the same thing: lots of tracks but no real directions. All we can do is keep moving, hopefully finding some that are fresher. It won\u2019t pay to go home without him. Hop Sing thinks Joe will take off if we\u2019re there, and then we\u2019ll be looking for two people instead of one.\u201d<\/p>\n

Hoss ran to the lake to refill their canteens, noticing on the way back how their campfire sent tendrils of smoke above the trees. \u201cYou know,\u201d he said excitedly as he returned. \u201cIf Pa is close by, he might smell our smoke and come looking to make sure it ain\u2019t something more than a cook fire. He might even be curious enough to wonder who\u2019s out here.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHe might at that.\u201d Adam nestled the pot into the embers. \u201cStir the stew so it doesn\u2019t burn, and I\u2019ll take care of our horses.\u201d The older boy made repeated trips between the tie line and the camp, bringing their saddles and supplies, all while keeping an eye to the darkening sky. He finished with a trip to the lake to wash up, and took one last look upwards, hoping he might pick up exactly what Hoss had mentioned: evidence of another campfire floating above the trees. To his dismay, the high horizon was clear. This drained his spirit, yet he assured himself that not seeing direct evidence of his father\u2019s whereabouts, didn\u2019t mean he wasn\u2019t out there.<\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

The second day of searching provided further evidence that their pa had wandered these hillsides, and Adam began to wonder if any of these rambling paths would prove a means to an end, or merely keep them moving in circles.<\/p>\n

After Adam voiced this opinion after supper, Hoss told him, \u201cWe gotta keep following Pa\u2019s steps. Seems we always done that in the good times, and it\u2019ll work now too.\u201d<\/p>\n

The older brother leaned back against his saddle, tucking his arms behind his head. \u201cYou\u2019re right. It\u2019s not like he\u2019s trying to cover his tracks. It\u2019s more like he\u2019s lost.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cPa wouldn\u2019t get lost out here,\u201d Hoss snorted out in a loud laugh.<\/p>\n

\u201cI didn\u2019t mean literally being lost.\u201d Adam smiled as he saw the puzzled look on his brother\u2019s face. \u201cThat means he knows where<\/em> he is, but he\u2019s looking for something inside himself that he hasn\u2019t been able to find.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou mean them things like what\u2019s always kept him going before or a way to be happy again?\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam nodded. \u201cThat\u2019s perfect, Hoss.\u201d He watched his brother\u2019s cheeks pink with the compliment, and didn\u2019t say more. But privately, he considered how the circles his father was riding, did prove that he truly hadn\u2019t found the answers Hoss had mentioned.<\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

Morning dawned bright and pleasant as the boys set out again.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ll ride further up into the tree line today,\u201d Adam told his brother. \u201cThat\u2019ll get me nearer to the cabin and streams we used when trapping. You ride between the lake and the lower trees.\u201d<\/p>\n

Hoss shivered involuntarily and looked at his brother with eyes wide as saucers. \u201cThat was weird.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat was weird?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIt felt like something touched my back, and I got this feelin\u2019 that we\u2019re gonna find Pa today.\u201d He shivered again. \u201cI swear someone whispered in my ear that everything was gonna be all right.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam winked. \u201cMaybe you just hope that to be true so we can get home for supper.\u201d He might have teased Hoss more, but he knew exactly what his brother had experienced. There\u2019d been times when Adam too had felt a guiding hand, or an encouraging whisper during the toughest times. What he didn\u2019t know was whether it had been his imagination or a spiritual nudge. But it had never steered him wrong, and he took his brother\u2019s pronouncement at full value. \u201cWe should figure out a way to communicate if either of us finds something worthwhile. I don\u2019t want you going off to follow a hunch, and end up needing to trail you instead of Pa.\u201d<\/p>\n

Hoss looked down at his hands to hide his grin, but his back began to shake as he chuckled. \u201cIt wouldn\u2019t be the first time I done that, would It? I know the men still call me Squirrel sometimes, cuz I ride off followin\u2019 most anything that looks interestin\u2019, \u2018stead of the herd.\u201d When he looked over at Adam he was till grinning. \u201cMaybe we can just yell? We ain\u2019t never all that far apart.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThe hills get steeper over this way so it might be too far for that. We each have a rifle. You know enough about using it to fire into the air if you have a good clue. I\u2019ll do the same.\u201d<\/p>\n

Six <\/strong><\/p>\n

Hoss was riding what Adam called a pattern-search, while his brother was, \u201cestablishing a perimeter.\u201d Hoss got too mixed up to do it that way, so they\u2019d modified his to move forward for the count of 100, while inspecting both side of his path; then move over several feet and do the same thing going the other way. It worked, although he often forgot where he was in the count, and had to guess where to pick up. But he could always tell when he got back to his starting point and that was good for him.<\/p>\n

The brothers had been on the search since full-light, after rising with the dawn to make breakfast and clean up their camp. They hadn\u2019t taken the time to clean up much so far, and with the warm days causing him to sweat up a storm, Hoss knew he would need to drop into the lake tonight and wash up before sleeping. He chuckled to himself thinking it was pretty awful when you couldn\u2019t stand your own smell. In the Cartwright house, Pa only required them to take a bath on Saturday. But his father insisted that they each wash their \u201cessentials\u201d at least once a day. To Hoss\u2019 annoyance, he was usually so sweaty, it meant doing his <\/em>essentials morning and night. He could almost hear his father\u2019s thunderous voice at the dinner table when one of them showed up smelling like sweat or manure. \u201cThis may be an all-male household, but I won\u2019t tolerate it smelling like one when I\u2019m trying to enjoy a meal!\u201d<\/p>\n

He\u2019d lost count again and was figuring out where he might have left off, when his eyes were drawn forward to a set of tracks bearing the notched shoe. He slid from his horse to take a closer look; his heart beating faster as he realized that these tracks were fresh. Whereas the other prints they\u2019d seen had been covered by fallen needles and leaves, these were on top of that material. He brushed away the debris from a half-moon print showing in the soft soil to confirm that the remainder of the horseshoe was not visible in the dirt. He did the same with a few more to verify his conclusion.<\/p>\n

His hands shook as he pulled the rifle from the saddle scabbard and pointed it skyward, squeezing of one shot. The blast seemed deafening in the still mountain air, yet Hoss wondered if the heavy cover of pine might muffle the sound too much. It felt like his heart had relocated to his throat as held his breath, waiting for a signal form Adam. The boy actually jumped when the retort disturbed the silence around him.<\/p>\n

They\u2019d modified their plan before splitting up to include a series of shots at intervals to help locate the person who\u2019d sent up the original signal. Hoss fired again after counting to a thousand\u2026or there abouts. He was so nervous that he continually lost track. His excitement needed a release, so he followed his father\u2019s prints on foot, and he smiled as an idea formed when he saw the direction they were heading.<\/p>\n

It didn\u2019t seem long before he heard Adam calling, and the two reunited minutes later. The younger brother took the older one on a tour of what he\u2019d found and then offered his thoughts. \u201cHe\u2019s headed to the lake. He might just need a bath like I do, but I have a hunch about where he\u2019s goin\u2019.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhere\u2019s that?\u201d Adam\u2019s wide eyes and large smile showed his admiration for his brother\u2019s find.<\/p>\n

\u201cOne a the first places we looked for Pa was where Mama\u2019s buried. There were so many sets of horse and human prints there we couldn\u2019t make head nor tail of \u2018em or tell how old or fresh they was. What we do know is that he goes there a lot.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam nodded. \u201cYou think he\u2019s going there now?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI do.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI found fresher prints going into the hills too,\u201d Adam revealed. \u201cBut nothing this good.\u201d He closed his eyes and pictured the small cemetery on the lakeshore where Marie had been laid to rest. It didn\u2019t surprise him that their father would revisit Marie\u2019s grave. Many times while growing up, Adam had witnessed his father holding a picture of Elizabeth or Inger, his eye focused on an unseen place. There\u2019d been no actual grave to visit, but Adam had always suspected these moments were times when he\u2019d go there in his memory\u2014finding a last place of connection to them. He sighed as he was prone to do during deep thought, and finally spoke again. \u201cThe plot isn\u2019t far as the crow flies. It\u2019s just taken so long to get here because we\u2019ve been searching along the way. And I agree that if Pa\u2019s not going there directly, he\u2019ll get there eventually.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSo how far should I follow these tracks if they ain\u2019t headed that way?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOur best bet to find him is to wait where frequents, so head to Marie\u2019s grave even if these tracks veer off. \u00a0I\u2019m going back to check the prints I found. If I\u2019m right, he goes to the cabin often too. Once I check that, I\u2019ll head over and meet you by the grave before dark.\u201d Adam thought further. \u201cFire off two shots if you should catch up to Pa, and I\u2019ll get there as quick as possible.\u201d<\/p>\n

Seven<\/strong><\/p>\n

He wasn\u2019t sure how long he\u2019d been sitting on the rock next to the lake, but it was long enough to cause his tailbone to go numb. His recent conversation with Marie at her gravesite on the rise above him, had covered the same subjects as always: why had she come into his life if she had to leave so soon. He\u2019d hollered at her for not being more careful, and then apologized for criticizing her spirit: the trait that had first drawn him to her in New Orleans. He\u2019d thanked her for being the kind of woman who always kept him on his toes; then for giving him Little Joe, and finally for keeping all three sons under her wing. Memories they\u2019d made as a family, and in the times alone as they\u2019d shared their love intimately, had sent his heart beating so fast as to become breathless, and then battered it down into a useless organ that barely kept a steady beat. He screamed at God, and yet, he told himself that anger over this loss negated all the things for which he held gratitude. And for all this thought, in the end, he sat here staring out at the lake, mesmerized by its vastness, with absolutely nothing making more sense.<\/p>\n

Deep in thought, he was unaware of anyone approaching until a twig snapped behind him. He nearly toppled off the rock as he swung around.<\/p>\n

\u201cHi, Pa,\u201d Hoss said softly. \u201cSorry I startled ya.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben flashed a half-smile towards Inger\u2019s son. \u201cDid you see me when you were just riding past, or are you part of a search party hunting me down?\u201d He hadn\u2019t meant the words to sound bitter, but he knew they had when he saw his son\u2019s eyes widen and his mouth pull into a deep frown. \u201cI\u2019m sorry, Son, that came out badly. It\u2019s nice to see you.\u201d<\/p>\n

Hoss moved closer and sat on a rock facing his father. He took a deep breath and sent one last prayer to find the words he\u2019d hoped would be there if this opportunity came. \u201cIt\u2019s just me and Adam out lookin\u2019. We been followin\u2019 your tracks for a couple days now, and decided to check here, cuz it seems like the place you come the most.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cGood thinking. Is your brother nearby?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHe\u2019s west and higher up the hill. I\u2019m supposed to fire twice if I find you.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThen you should probably do that.\u201d While Hoss returned to his horse and sent the signal, he repositioned himself on the grassy bank and motioned for his son to join him when he returned. \u201cDo you have to wait for Adam or can you tell me why you two are looking for me?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou need to come home, Pa.\u201d<\/p>\n

His admiration for Hoss\u2019 fiery statement was instantly replaced by defensiveness. \u201cYou and Adam are not my keepers, and you do not get to decided what I need<\/em> to do.\u201d<\/p>\n

His father\u2019s outburst might have silenced this child in another circumstance, but instead, Hoss gave the man a good looking over, and replied. \u201cI\u2019m sorry you feel that way, Pa, but I think I got every right to say it.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou better tell me why that is.\u201d This response was gently encouraging.<\/p>\n

Hoss took a deep breath. \u201cYou told us a story once about bein\u2019 schooled before enlistin\u2019 on yer first merchant ship that the captain is always to be obeyed. But you also said that sometimes the captain can get off course and might need a little help in sortin\u2019 things out. Even Grandpa Abel would talk over them sort of things with you when you were his first mate, and you was able to set him true again.\u201d<\/p>\n

A smile formed at the corner of Ben\u2019s mouth. \u201cSo you think I\u2019m floundering a bit on my course?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSeems so,\u201d the boy said honestly. \u201cYou been sailin\u2019 it for a bunch a weeks now, and it ain\u2019t getting\u2019 you nowhere.\u201d Hoss folded his arms around himself in a shielding manner as he headed into deeper water. \u201cHave you looked at yerself lately, Pa? You\u2019re skinny and look like one a them crazy trappers who\u2019s been alone too long, so\u2019s they starts talkin\u2019 to the trees and their mules.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben chuckled at the description. \u201cI might have talked to a few trees already,\u201d he admitted. \u201cSo, what else are you thinking?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWe all understand that you\u2019re sad, Pa. We hoped that getting\u2019 away would help ease that, but it ain\u2019t workin\u2019. Whatever yer doing, you look worse fer it, not better. In my way a thinkin\u2019, if this ain\u2019t doin\u2019 it, then it\u2019s time to try somethin\u2019 new\u2026like comin\u2019 home and facin\u2019 it head-on. It\u2019s what Adam, and me and even Joe\u2019s been doin\u2019. From the tracks we been followin\u2019 up here\u2026you\u2019re<\/em> just walkin\u2019 in circles.\u201d<\/p>\n

The truth of his son\u2019s word hit so hard that Ben had to look away. \u201cWhen did you get so smart?\u201d he asked without turning back.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s not that I\u2019m smart. I\u2019m just tellin\u2019 you what I see. And there\u2019s more you should know. While we done all right at home without you this long, it\u2019s getting\u2019 harder each day. We\u2019re all getting\u2019 scared that you ain\u2019t never comin\u2019 back. Adam feels like he can\u2019t do nothin\u2019 right anymore. He\u2019s miserable and operatin\u2019 on nothin\u2019 but fear. And Joe\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

The weight of Hoss\u2019 words concerning what he was doing to his children bore down on his chest, making it hard to breathe. \u201cWhat about Joe?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI ain\u2019t gonna put no sugar on this to make it taste better, Pa. He heard somethin\u2019 in town that makes him think that he\u2019s gonna die just like Mama, and he wouldn\u2019t stay at the house unless Adam and me left.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben pulled back as though slapped. \u201cWhat in tarnation did he hear?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHe won\u2019t say a word to us, so we don\u2019t know fer sure. He talks to Hop Sing, but even then, just enough to explain why he wouldn\u2019t come downstairs while we were there. He said me and Adam made Mama die, and you and him are next ta go.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThis is all my fault,\u201d he uttered more to himself than to Hoss. \u201cThose gossips in town must be concocting stories that are laced with evil.\u201d Spurred to action, he rose, brushing the loose grass from his pants. \u201cWait here for Adam; I\u2019ll go find out what this is about.\u201d After further thought, he added, \u201cYou two camp here tonight and I\u2019ll come back in the morning to let you know how things are going.\u201d<\/p>\n

Seven<\/strong><\/p>\n

The brush Joe was using to groom the small horse he was allowed to ride, fell from his hand as he glanced out the barn door and saw his father enter the yard. It took only seconds to cover the distance between them.<\/p>\n

Ben caught the nearly flying child in mid-air and pulled him close. \u201cSeems like you\u2019re happy to see me,\u201d he said as he swung the boy onto his hip.<\/p>\n

\u201cBoy, am I ever.\u201d Joe sniffed loudly and rubbed his shirtsleeve across his face as the tears he tried to hold back, leaked onto his cheeks. \u201cAre you home for good this time?\u201d The question was tentative and hopeful.<\/p>\n

\u201cI need to go somewhere yet, but I\u2019ll only be gone for a few hours, and then\u2026\u201d He paused as he searched his heart to know if what he was about to say was true. It was. \u201cThen I\u2019ll be home for good.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cDo you feel all better now?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cMaybe not all better, Son, but being out there wasn\u2019t working, so I think I\u2019ll feel better here.\u201d The small child nodded, and laid his head onto his father\u2019s shoulder. \u201cI saw Hoss out by the lake. He told me you weren\u2019t feeling so good. Want to tell me what\u2019s bothering you?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHe\u2019s a tattletales.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI wouldn\u2019t call it tattling; he was worried about you.\u201d He waited for more, but the silence continued. \u201cLet\u2019s go find a couple of hay bales in the barn and you can tell me all about it.\u201d<\/p>\n

It felt like pulling teeth to get the story started, but it was soon clear exactly what sort of rumors had been imparted to the youngster, and by whom. \u201cDave Cass told you that your brothers hold so much bad luck that they can cause the death of anyone who\u2019s near them?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYup. He said Adam was born bad, and it was his fault his mama died first, and then because he was there when you were married to Hoss\u2019 mama, his bad stuff killed her too.”<\/p>\n

\u201cDo you believe that?\u201d<\/p>\n

A nod came first, followed by a shrug.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou know I don\u2019t abide gossip. I\u2019d bet some adults in town are saying things like that about me too, and it\u2019s evil and cruel. It\u2019s hard enough to lose the person you love, without being accused of superstitious nonsense.\u201d Ben took Joe\u2019s chin gently to look him in the eye. \u201cI shouldn\u2019t have to say what I\u2019m about to, but I will, just once. Adam\u2019s mother did die following his birth, but there was a medical cause for it, and there was nothing anyone could have done to prevent it. We were greatly blessed that Adam was born alive and healthy, because that usually doesn\u2019t<\/em> happen with that illness. If you want to know what Elizabeth was like, look at your brother. She was kind, loving, intelligent, fierce and she loved your brother and me more than life itself. It would hurt her so badly to think that anyone would blame Adam for her death, and even more so, if this claim was believed by his own brother.\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe looked down, while kicking his feet against the bale. His neck and cheeks were ablaze, but he offered no response.<\/p>\n

\u201cHoss\u2019 mother died defending the people in our caravan. You\u2019ve heard the stories of how she wouldn\u2019t hold back her help to save herself, because that\u2019s the kind of decent, loving woman she was. Neither of your brothers had anything to do with her death. It came as a result of one man\u2019s hatred and scheming, and it led to the death of the most wonderful and innocent among us. What made the loss bearable was having Hoss to remind me of her. Knowing your middle brother is like knowing his mother too, Joseph. There isn\u2019t a mean or treacherous bone in his body. And think about this; Adam was your age when this happened. Can you imagine if something happened now that made you responsible for doing all the work your mother did, and helping with a baby too?\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe\u2019s head moved side-to-side, before he looked up and asked, \u201cBut why did my<\/em> Mama have to die? She wasn\u2019t sick and there was no Indian attack.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIt was an accident, Little Joe. Your mama rode a little too fast and the horse made a misstep and fell.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhy\u2019d she do that!\u201d the boy shouted as the tears began again.<\/p>\n

\u201cYour mother charged at life with excitement, and accepted the consequences of her actions without making excuses. You\u2019re just like her.\u201d He tousled Joe\u2019s hair. \u201cBut it\u2019s a valid question that I asked of her while I was away. The only answer I got was that she was sorry she left us, but she will always love us.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cMama talked to you out there?\u201d Joe\u2019s cheek rose until he was squinting.<\/p>\n

\u201cShe spoke to me in here.\u201d Ben pointed to his heart. \u201cYou can do the same thing if you\u2019re sad.\u201d He let that rest a moment, before adding, \u201cLet\u2019s talk about your brothers a little more. Did you tell Hop Sing you wanted them to go away because you were afraid of them?\u201d<\/p>\n

A quick nod.<\/p>\n

\u201cThink back to the day when Dave told you those ugly things. Did anything happen between him and your brothers that might have angered him?\u201d<\/p>\n

He shrugged weakly. \u201cHe wanted them to play when we got there, but Adam said they had to take care of things. Then Dave said something mean about you being gone, and Adam told him to keep his thoughts to himself.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAha, so it was after he<\/em> was disappointed and embarrassed that he told you a tall tale that would hurt your brothers?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI s\u2019pose.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd you believed him straight off.\u201d Ben\u2019s tone was not unkind, but it was becoming stern. \u201cWhy was that? Your brothers have always been good to you. They\u2019ve been watching over you and the ranch while I couldn\u2019t, all while missing your mother just like you do. Yet you believed that they\u2019d caused her death because Dave Cass said so?\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe stood abruptly and began to back up. \u201cWhy else would Mama die?\u201d he nearly screamed.<\/p>\n

Ben reached out and drew the boy to him again. \u201cBecause it was her time, and there\u2019s nothing we can do to change that, including putting the blame on others.\u201d Pulling him into an embrace he said quietly into Joe\u2019s ear, \u201cWhat would your mama say if she could knew what you were saying about Hoss and Adam?\u201d He waited for an answer, but when none came forth, he added, \u201cShe\u2019d say you were wrong, and owed them an apology.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI know that.\u201d Joe\u2019s voice was barely a whisper.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou know what?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThat Mama would say I was wrong. She was talking to me just like she was with you, only while I was sleeping. But she said you\u2019d help me know it was true when you came home for good.\u201d<\/p>\n

Father and son stayed glued together while Ben rocked his youngest. After several minutes, he sat Joe on his knee. \u201cYou have apologies to make to your brothers and Hop Sing.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cMama said that too,\u201d he admitted.<\/p>\n

\u201cGood for her.\u201d Ben\u2019s smile lit his face with peace. \u201cYou\u2019ll have to trust me for a couple of hours. It\u2019s early enough that I can go out and bring Adam and Hoss home yet today.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI can ride along.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019d like that most times, but I have some apologizing to do to those two as well, and I\u2019d like to do that alone.\u201d His son\u2019s expression was disappointed, but accepting. \u201cLet\u2019s go tell Hop Sing what\u2019s going on, and he\u2019ll make a welcome home dinner.\u201d<\/p>\n

Eight<\/strong><\/p>\n

Ben could see that his boys had fashioned poles from branches and used the line and hooks they carried in their saddle bags to fish from the bank. Ben wondered if they might both be asleep as he approached without any indication that they were aware of his presence. As he got closer, he could hear that they were talking, and stopped to let them finish.<\/p>\n

The words weren\u2019t clear, but he heard each of them say, \u201cPa,\u201d and figured they were talking about him, or at least about the situation. Not willing to eavesdrop further, he called out, making them set their poles aside and run to meet him.<\/p>\n

\u201cYer back fast,\u201d Hoss said warily. \u201cDo we have to stay away longer?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cJust the opposite. I\u2019m here to bring you home for a feast.\u201d He noticed that his eldest was silent, and staring at him with his mouth on the verge of hanging open. \u201cWhat\u2019s wrong Adam?\u201d<\/p>\n

The young man shook his head and chuckled. \u201cYou look so different, Kind of\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cLike a crazy mountain man, as Hoss said earlier?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI guess so.\u201d He laughed again. \u201cHow\u2019d it go with Little Joe? Is he willing to receive us back without fear we\u2019ll cause his demise?\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben sat in the grass and asked his boys to join him as he told them of Dave Cass\u2019 revenge.<\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s purdy much what we figered,\u201d Hoss said as his father finished. \u201cDoes Joe understand that Dave did it out of spite?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHe does now. I intend to visit Dave and his father and talk about this. What that boy did was reprehensible, especially after the kindness shown him after losing his mother.\u201d Hoss and Adam nodded in agreement. \u201cYou\u2019re both anxious to get home, but I\u2019d like to talk to you before we go.\u201d He laughed when the looks reflecting back at him were guarded. \u201cDon\u2019t look so dour. I\u2019m proud of the way you\u2019ve handled things while I was away, and that you decided to set me on a truer course.\u201d<\/p>\n

Looking directly at Adam, he said, \u201cYou bore the biggest weight of my absence, and from what I can see, everything is in perfect order. I appreciate that you did that, and I\u2019m sorry it was laid on your shoulders. If you\u2019re willing to take a step back, I\u2019ll take over now.\u201d The offer was received with a nod and smile. \u201cI also know you\u2019re anxious to go East for school, and unfortunately, my spate of grief will delay that. But I do promise that you\u2019ll be on your way as soon as possible.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHoss,\u201d he said, turning towards his middle son. \u201cWhat you said to me a few hours ago\u2026was perfect. Thank you for everything you did while I was gone, and having the courage to be honest today.\u201d<\/p>\n

The gaunt, hairy man rose. \u201cC\u2019mon, you two. I need a bath and a shave before supper, and it wouldn\u2019t hurt you two to clean up as well.\u201d Adam returned to the shore to grab a few things he\u2019d left there, while Ben and Hoss headed towards the horses. This middle son did not hold grudges or fume and fuss over things once they were done, yet there was a look on the boy\u2019s face that spoke to a dark emotion. \u201cWhat\u2019s bothering you, Son?\u201d<\/p>\n

Hoss opened his mouth to speak, then stopped. \u201cIt ain\u2019t nothin\u2019.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIt is something. Don\u2019t stop being honest now.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s jest that\u2026well, Adam\u2019s always told me how we buried Mama in the mornin\u2019 and headed out that same day with you in charge of the wagon train. And you found a nurse for him and made plans to leave Boston as soon as you could after his mama passed. It leaves me wonderin\u2019 if maybe\u2026.\u201d His voice went silent as he mounted. \u201cNever mind, Pa.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019re wondering if I loved Marie more than your mother or Elizabeth, since I didn\u2019t go through this rough patch after they died?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI guess.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIt was circumstances, son. There was no time after either Elizabeth or you mother died. You and Adam were babies, and there was no one else I could rely on. My heart was cruelly battered by the losses, but I had to patch it up the best I could, and get moving. \u00a0Those two wonderful women would have expected no less. With Marie, I thought letting the grief percolate would ease it more, but as you surmised, it didn\u2019t work. The only reason I could<\/em> indulge my sorrow was because I had you and Adam to run things and watch over Joe. I can\u2019t change what I did, but I promise I\u2019ll do the best I can from now on.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYer word is always good, Pa. That\u2019s enough for me.\u201d<\/p>\n

When Adam returned and mounted up, Ben positioned himself between his sons\u2019 horses, and thanked them again before raising his arm in the air, pointing east, and saying, \u201cLet\u2019s go home!\u201d<\/p>\n

The End<\/strong><\/p>\n

*In my canon, the Cartwrights have a two-story, wooden house that their crew built for them while Ben was in New Orleans. Hoss and Little Joe share a room. Adam designs the iconic house before leaving for school, and Ben has it built while he\u2019s gone.<\/p>\n

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<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Summary: Ben’s presence with his family is sporadic and brief. Adam is feeling frazzled with running the ranch and caring for his brothers. Hop Sing is holding his breath wondering if the family can ever be the same, and Little Joe has heard something in town that his very young heart believes, despite all evidence to the contrary. (A prequel)<\/p>\n

Rating: K<\/p>\n

Word Count: 9990<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":82,"featured_media":5758,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"template-full-width-post.php","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[23,1008,41,30,13],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-27624","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-drama","category-family","category-hurtcomfort","category-prequels","category-whn","wpcat-23-id","wpcat-1008-id","wpcat-41-id","wpcat-30-id","wpcat-13-id"],"a3_pvc":{"activated":true,"total_views":3339,"today_views":1},"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/05\/Adams-English-Scenic2.jpg?fit=450%2C436&ssl=1","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":6475,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=6475","url_meta":{"origin":27624,"position":0},"title":"A Circle of Family: The Book of Joseph (by MissJudy)","author":"missjudy","date":"May 4, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"Summary: \u00a0Days\u00a0before Adam is scheduled to leave for college, Little Joe \"borrows\" his older brother's Bible and leaves it outside in the rain when his attention is drawn elsewhere. The Bible had belonged to Elizabeth and was one of the few tokens Adam had of his mother.\u00a0We watch as he\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Drama"","block_context":{"text":"Drama","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?cat=23"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/coming-soon-5.jpg?fit=768%2C576&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/coming-soon-5.jpg?fit=768%2C576&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/coming-soon-5.jpg?fit=768%2C576&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/coming-soon-5.jpg?fit=768%2C576&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x"},"classes":[]},{"id":14285,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=14285","url_meta":{"origin":27624,"position":1},"title":"Tucked Away (by DJK)","author":"DJK","date":"May 10, 2002","format":false,"excerpt":"Summary: \u00a0A lost book and a lost love leads to a moment between brothers. Rating: \u00a0G \u00a0(1,090 words)","rel":"","context":"In "Adam \/ Joe"","block_context":{"text":"Adam \/ Joe","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?cat=1091"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":7307,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=7307","url_meta":{"origin":27624,"position":2},"title":"Home Alone (by Sibylle)","author":"Sibylle","date":"May 7, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"Summary: \u00a0\u00a0Hoss and Joe\u00a0alone at home. A prequel \u00a0 Rated:\u00a0K \u00a0 WC 600","rel":"","context":"In "Family"","block_context":{"text":"Family","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?cat=1008"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/Joe-Hoss.jpg?fit=505%2C638&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":17486,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=17486","url_meta":{"origin":27624,"position":3},"title":"Sensible Rules (by BettyHT)","author":"BettyHT","date":"June 6, 2018","format":false,"excerpt":"SUMMARY: A prequel with Joe at fifteen, this started as a pinecone and has been expanded. Little Joe faces a crisis when an important rule is ignored. He needs his family to face the results of that sad decision. There are lessons to be learned but the whole family works\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Drama"","block_context":{"text":"Drama","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?cat=23"},"img":{"alt_text":"nature","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/06\/Sensible-Rules.jpg?fit=366%2C400&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":40700,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=40700","url_meta":{"origin":27624,"position":4},"title":"And His Heart Grew a Little Bit Larger (by BettyHT)","author":"BettyHT","date":"December 24, 2022","format":false,"excerpt":"Summary: Hoot tries to teach the Cartwrights a lesson but learns more than he ever expected. This is a prequel Christmas story. Rating: PG\u00a0 Word count: 2,295","rel":"","context":"In "Drama"","block_context":{"text":"Drama","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?cat=23"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/10\/Gabrielle.jpg?fit=600%2C450&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/10\/Gabrielle.jpg?fit=600%2C450&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/10\/Gabrielle.jpg?fit=600%2C450&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x"},"classes":[]},{"id":48174,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=48174","url_meta":{"origin":27624,"position":5},"title":"Reborn On a Birthday (by BettyHT)","author":"BettyHT","date":"February 24, 2023","format":false,"excerpt":"Summary: Heading out on a hunting trip that Adam had requested for his birthday, the family runs into a lot more trouble than expected when they find signs of rustlers working on the Ponderosa. 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