Summary: Healing is hard, and takes its own path. A post-Hoss, post-Alice story.<\/p>\n
Rating: K+\u00a0 \u00a0Word Count: 23,500<\/p>\n
Note: This story takes place alongside Season 14. The events of some episodes (S14 and others) will be referenced, though usually as background. I have attempted to write this so that you should hopefully not need any real knowledge of these episodes in order to follow the story. Since the order of the S14 episodes doesn’t seem to be absolutely essential, I have also moved a few of them around to fit my purposes. Thanks for reading!<\/p>\n
From Ashes<\/strong><\/p>\n Chapter One<\/strong><\/p>\n Town seemed loud these days.\u00a0 Course, that was probably just him.<\/p>\n Joe set the wagon brake and hopped down outside the Emporium.\u00a0 He hadn\u2019t been in to Virginia City too often lately.\u00a0 Once he\u2019d finally caught up to Alice\u2019s \u2026<\/p>\n Alice.\u00a0 He stopped and took a deep breath, gripping the wagon wheel.\u00a0 She was always there.\u00a0 Still.\u00a0 Right beside Hoss.\u00a0 Was it ever going to get any better?<\/p>\n \u201cJoe Cartwright!\u00a0 Haven\u2019t seen you in ages, boy.\u00a0 How\u2019ve you been?\u201d<\/p>\n Boy.\u00a0 He felt ancient, like the word was so unsuited to him that he should be looking around for Artie Keller\u2019s real target.\u00a0 Instead, he pasted on a smile that was probably closer to a grimace and turned, stripping his gloves for a handshake.<\/p>\n \u201cArtie.\u00a0 Keepin\u2019 busy.\u201d<\/p>\n It was the truth, without offering anything of himself.\u00a0 He\u2019d gotten good at that since he\u2019d moved back into the big house.\u00a0 Of course, that was for entirely different reasons, but it all worked the same.<\/p>\n \u201cGood to see you.\u201d\u00a0 Artie gripped his hand, and Joe could feel it coming.\u00a0 He didn\u2019t try to stop it\u2014usually went faster that way.\u00a0 \u201cMe and the missus was right sorry to hear about your wife.\u00a0 She was a real fine woman, was Mrs. Cartwright.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cShe was.\u201d\u00a0 Joe tugged gently away and edged toward the doors.\u00a0 \u201cThank you.\u201d<\/p>\n Easy, quick.\u00a0 Nothing to it.<\/p>\n He could do this.<\/p>\n Artie was either finished or took the hint, because he changed the subject as they entered.\u00a0 \u201cYou got a list for me?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHere you go.\u201d\u00a0 Joe tugged it from his jacket, mumbling a few words he wouldn\u2019t say in front of Pa when it snagged on a threadbare patch.\u00a0 It was an old coat, holes in the pockets shouldn\u2019t come as any surprise.\u00a0 He should probably replace it while he was here, in fact, but he wouldn\u2019t.\u00a0 It was comfortable, he might have protested.\u00a0 Broken in.\u00a0 Really, though, he just couldn\u2019t be bothered to care.<\/p>\n Even the half-hearted cussing had been more automatic than irritated.\u00a0 Couldn\u2019t be irritated when you just didn\u2019t feel anything at all.<\/p>\n \u201cGot all this in stock.\u201d\u00a0 Artie had been scanning the list while Joe\u2019s mind wandered.\u00a0 \u201cWill take me a bit to get it ready\u2014you want the total now or when you pick it up?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNow, if you don\u2019t mind.\u00a0 Need to know how much I\u2019ve got left to spend on harness supplies.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOf course!\u00a0 Just a minute, then.\u201d<\/p>\n Artie scurried across the store for pen and paper, laying aside the Cartwright list for a moment to total up and accept money from a woman standing at the counter. \u00a0As he waited Joe wandered to the nearest shelf, picking up a jar of local preserves without any real interest.\u00a0 The last time he\u2019d been to the Emporium Alice had been with him.\u00a0 She had been looking at fabric for new dresses to make as she \u2026 as she got bigger, and had been real taken with one pretty blue sprigged pattern in particular.\u00a0 Unbidden, his eyes strayed over the far wall.\u00a0 He was glad not to see it there\u2014Alice must not have been the only lady who liked it, or it had been moved somewhere else.\u00a0 That was good.\u00a0 Joe didn\u2019t think he was ever gonna be able to look at a blue dress again without seeing that fabric.<\/p>\n \u201cMy Elsa made those preserves.\u201d<\/p>\n He blinked, refocusing on an older woman in front of him.\u00a0 Just behind her stood a young lady, her face a fiery color that he might once have found amusing.<\/p>\n \u201cMa\u2019am?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThose preserves you\u2019re holding.\u00a0 My Elsa made those.\u00a0 She\u2019s a wonderful cook, and not only that but she puts up a fantastic batch of\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cMama!<\/i>\u201d\u00a0 The young lady\u2014Elsa, apparently\u2014tugged in vain on her mother\u2019s arm.\u00a0 \u201cMr. Cartwright doesn\u2019t want to hear about my cooking!\u201d<\/p>\n He didn\u2019t recognize them, but that didn\u2019t mean anything.\u00a0 Every time he came to town it was full of new people.<\/p>\n Elsa was right, though.\u00a0 He didn\u2019t want to hear about her cooking.<\/p>\n \u201cExcuse me, Ma\u2019am.\u201d\u00a0 Joe shoved the jar blindly back onto the shelf, stepped around the two women, and crossed to the counter.\u00a0 Artie had finished with his customer, who was off to the side stacking her purchases into two large baskets, and was ready with the Cartwright total.\u00a0 Joe paid and turned to go, anxious to get back outside where he could breathe.\u00a0 A hand on his arm startled him.\u00a0 He looked around to find Gracie Peterson just stepped out of an aisle.<\/p>\n \u201cJoe.\u00a0 It\u2019s so good to see you.\u00a0 How have you been doing?\u201d<\/p>\n He moved his arm, and was a little disconcerted when her hand stayed with it.\u00a0 \u201cKeepin\u2019 busy, Miss Peterson.\u201d\u00a0 They actually knew each enough well enough for a first-name basis, but Joe suddenly felt like it would be best to keep things formal.<\/p>\n She stepped forward, lowering her voice.\u00a0 \u201cYou\u2019ll have to excuse Mrs. Schmidt.\u00a0 They haven\u2019t been in town long, she probably didn\u2019t know.\u201d<\/p>\n Long enough for the daughter to identify him, anyway.\u00a0 Still, Miss Elsa had probably heard Artie greet him out on the walk.\u00a0 It should have made Joe feel better that the woman so obviously pushing her daughter at him didn\u2019t know about Alice \u2026 but it didn\u2019t.\u00a0 He really couldn\u2019t care one way or the other.\u00a0 Vaguely, he wondered if that should worry him, but it didn\u2019t seem worth pursuing.\u00a0 He nodded to Gracie, stepping toward the doors.\u00a0 Her fingers tightened.<\/p>\n \u201cJoe.\u201d\u00a0 He looked back down at her.\u00a0 \u201cI really am so sorry about Alice.\u201d<\/p>\n She was sincere, Joe knew.\u00a0 Everything about Gracie Peterson was sincere.\u00a0 \u201cThanks, Gracie.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cIf you ever \u2026 if you ever need to talk \u2026\u201d<\/p>\n Not on her life.\u00a0 The\u00a0last<\/i>\u00a0thing he needed was more talk.\u00a0 It was all Pa had wanted to do, first after Hoss (though that had been for himself as much as Joe) and then Alice.\u00a0 Now \u2026 well, they had reached a precarious balance and Joe planned to keep it that way.\u00a0 He didn\u2019t know if he had the strength, now that the passing months had started to settle this new reality into his bones, to say a few things without saying everything.\u00a0 And he\u00a0wasn\u2019t<\/i> going to say everything\u2014not to this female acquaintance, not to Pa, not to Candy or Jamie, not to the preacher, not to anyone.\u00a0 He didn\u2019t have the wherewithal to deal with their attempts to help him.<\/p>\n They meant well, but he couldn\u2019t bring himself to disappoint them on top of all the grief and worry.<\/p>\n They couldn\u2019t bring Hoss back.\u00a0 They couldn\u2019t bring Alice back.<\/p>\n They couldn\u2019t\u00a0fix<\/i>\u00a0him.<\/p>\n They would just have to deal with what he was now \u2026 but they didn\u2019t have to know all of it.\u00a0 He could give them that, at least\u2014let them think he was feeling a little better.<\/p>\n \u201cThanks, Gracie.\u201d\u00a0 Joe thought she would let him go with that, but she kept on.\u00a0 He would have been amazed, if he\u2019d been able to manage anything other than vaguely desperate.<\/p>\n \u201cMy sister\u2019s husband died after only a couple of years together.\u201d\u00a0 She bit her lip.\u00a0 \u201cI know how hard it can be, and I really hate to see \u2026\u201d\u00a0 Gracie stopped, suddenly awkward.\u00a0 He wondered if she had realized too late that her sister\u2019s loss didn\u2019t have anything at all to do with him and Alice, or if she just didn\u2019t know how to end her offer.\u00a0 Either way, her fingers burned right through his coat and Joe wished she would let go.\u00a0 He didn\u2019t want to be rude, but she needed to\u00a0let\u00a0<\/i>him\u00a0go\u00a0<\/i>\u2026<\/p>\n A crash and roiling puff of flour sent both of them stumbling back.\u00a0 A gasp and a quick apology tumbled over each other as the other customer, with her two heavy baskets, dropped them both and lunged for the overturned bag of flour.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m so very sorry!\u00a0 I couldn\u2019t see, I walked right into it \u2026\u201d<\/p>\n Gracie brushed ineffectually at her flour-covered skirt.\u00a0 It might have been wishful thinking, but Joe thought she seemed relieved.\u00a0 \u201cNo, no, I understand.\u00a0 Things are everywhere here, I never know what I\u2019ll bump into when I turn a corner.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOh, your dress.\u201d\u00a0 The other customer, a Mexican woman nearer to Joe\u2019s age than Gracie\u2019s, brushed dark curls from her forehead with white-dusted fingers.\u00a0 Her eyes were round, her face the very picture of dismay.\u00a0 \u201cI\u00a0am<\/i>\u00a0sorry.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019s really nothing.\u201d\u00a0 Gracie touched the other woman\u2019s shoulder, and Joe knew a moment of distant admiration.\u00a0 Never let it be said that Gracie Peterson didn\u2019t live up to her name.\u00a0 \u201cBut I should probably run home and change.\u201d\u00a0 She frowned at the flour strewn across the floor\u2014not as much as might have been, from the size of the bag, but still a good pile.\u00a0 \u201cBut first, let\u2019s get\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNot at all, Miss.\u201d\u00a0 Artie appeared as if by magic, clutching a broom and pan.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019ll have this finished up before you could get another broom.\u00a0 You go on now.\u201d<\/p>\n Gracie nodded.\u00a0 \u201cThank you, Mr. Keller.\u201d\u00a0 She nodded to the other woman, still sitting on the floor, then to Joe. \u00a0\u201cJoe.\u00a0 It was good to see you.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cGracie.\u201d\u00a0 Joe tipped his hat.\u00a0 Hearing what he hadn\u2019t said, she pinked and hurried out the door.<\/p>\n Joe sighed\u2014seemed like he couldn\u2019t help hurting people these days\u2014and turned back as Artie waggled the pan at his former customer.\u00a0 \u201cLina, since you\u2019re down there anyways \u2026\u201d<\/p>\n She snatched the pan from the storekeeper, dimpling easily.\u00a0 Artie swept up with quick, sure strokes, and was on his way back across the Emporium before Gracie could have reached the end of the boardwalk. \u00a0Joe wondered just how many spills the man cleaned up per day.<\/p>\n \u201cArtie,\u201d the woman\u2014Lina\u2014called after him, \u201cput this on the hotel\u2019s bill,\u00a0por favor<\/i>?\u00a0 Someone will come for the rest of the bag later.\u201d<\/p>\n A wave to show he\u2019d heard, and Artie disappeared through the back door.\u00a0 Joe stepped forward, holding out a hand as Lina began to rise.\u00a0 He might not feel anything, but Pa had raised him to be a gentleman.\u00a0 She accepted it with a nod and a smile, releasing his fingers quickly as she gained her feet.\u00a0 Joe tipped his hat and started to turn away.<\/p>\n \u201cDo not think badly of her, Se\u00f1or.\u201d<\/p>\n What?\u00a0 He stilled.\u00a0 \u201cI don\u2019t, Miss \u2026 ?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cMarquez.\u201d\u00a0 Lina Marquez brushed at the flour clinging to her arms.\u00a0 \u201cI know Se\u00f1orita Peterson a little, and I\u2019m sure she had only your interests at heart.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI know her, too.\u201d<\/p>\n Seeing that he didn\u2019t plan to disagree, Lina nodded.\u00a0 \u201cI think, though,\u201d she continued slowly, \u201cthere is a little girl inside most young ladies, secretly hoping that she will be the one to comfort the grieving prince.\u201d\u00a0 A distant smile flitted across her lips, both warm and wry.\u00a0 Once, Joe might have wondered what lay behind such an expression.\u00a0 Now, he was just exhausted and annoyed.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m no tragic hero.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo.\u201d\u00a0 She turned away, righting a few fallen items in her baskets.\u00a0 \u201cBut that does not prevent others from seeing you this way.\u201d<\/p>\n That was \u2026 probably true.\u00a0 He knew he shouldn\u2019t have come into town.<\/p>\n \u201cMost ladies?\u201d\u00a0 Joe didn\u2019t try to keep the bite out of his voice.\u00a0 \u201cBut not you.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAh, no.\u201d\u00a0 Her voice was muffled.\u00a0 \u201cI gave up fairy tales some time ago.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAnd this is \u2026 ?\u201d<\/p>\n Lina wasn\u2019t giving him advice, or asking him for anything.\u00a0 He wasn\u2019t being fair to her.\u00a0 Still, Joe couldn\u2019t shake the conviction that this woman, too, wanted something.\u00a0 They all wanted something.<\/p>\n They wanted him to be happy.\u00a0 They wanted him to feel well.\u00a0 They wanted him to talk.\u00a0 They wanted him to listen.\u00a0 They wanted him to move on.\u00a0 They wanted him to be all right.\u00a0 They wanted \u2026<\/p>\n They wanted him to be the old Joe.<\/p>\n Lina didn\u2019t know the old Joe, though, and he wasn\u2019t being fair.<\/p>\n \u201cThis,\u201d Lina whirled back around in a flurry of dark curls and impish smirk, \u201cis a well-timed bag of flour to help everyone out of an awkward situation.\u201d\u00a0 Joe gaped, and she giggled.\u00a0 The woman giggled<\/i>.\u00a0 \u201cGo buy your harness supplies, Se\u00f1or Cartwright.\u00a0 Safe travels back to your ranch.\u201d\u00a0 Lina looped one heavy basket over one arm, and the other basket over the other arm, then moved past him and out the door.<\/p>\n He really was a beef-headed idiot.<\/p>\n \u201cMiss \u2026 uh, Se\u00f1orita Marquez.\u201d\u00a0 Joe caught up with her only a few feet down the boardwalk.\u00a0 \u201cLook, I \u2026 I apologize.\u00a0 I haven\u2019t\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cSe\u00f1or Cartwright, you have no need.\u201d\u00a0 Lina\u2019s smile was easy\u2014nothing at all hidden behind it.\u00a0 Somehow, he hadn\u2019t offended her.\u00a0 \u201cIt was I who set upon you, not the other way around.\u201d<\/p>\n He smiled briefly, an automatic response.\u00a0 \u201cI don\u2019t think I\u2019d call it that.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI would!\u201d\u00a0 Lina laughed again, and Joe wished he could join her.\u00a0 He saw the sorrow creep into her eyes, and couldn\u2019t let it.<\/p>\n \u201cMy Pa tried to raise up gentlemen.\u201d\u00a0 Why had he said\u00a0that<\/i>, of all things?\u00a0 More gentlemen than him meant Hoss, and Adam, and \u2026 Jamie.\u00a0 There was still Jamie.\u00a0 Joe fixed that fuzzy red head in his mind and anchored onto it. \u201cWhy don\u2019t you let me carry these wherever you\u2019re headed?\u201d\u00a0 He tugged gently at one of the baskets.\u00a0 \u201cOne of the hotels, you said?\u201d<\/p>\n Lina eyed him for just too long, then nodded.\u00a0 \u201cVery well.\u201d\u00a0 He had expected an argument, and was glad she didn\u2019t force one.\u00a0 He didn\u2019t have the energy.\u00a0 Joe took the baskets, hefted them experimentally, and nodded down at her.\u00a0 \u201cThe Continental.\u201d \u00a0Lina directed him toward the next major intersection, and then fell in alongside.\u00a0 \u201cThis is just as well, truly.\u00a0 I had promised my cousin Maria that I would pass along her love should I happen to speak to you here, Little Joe Cartwright.\u201d<\/p>\n Another grin met his baffled stare.\u00a0 Joe stopped in his tracks, frowning.\u00a0 \u2018Little Joe\u2019 wasn\u2019t something he heard very much anymore, and he couldn\u2019t begin to think who\u2014<\/p>\n Wait.\u00a0 Maria \u2026<\/p>\n Joe studied Lina carefully, and the barest hint of a resemblance took him back to a young, pretty face in a dusty tavern just this side of hell, where the beer wasn\u2019t cold and his Pa had almost died.<\/p>\n \u201cLos Robles?\u201d he asked.<\/p>\n \u201cThe same.\u201d\u00a0 Lina dimpled.\u00a0 \u201cMaria would be pleased that you remember.\u201d\u00a0 She started again toward the hotel.\u00a0 \u201cShe speaks of you in such terms, I was amazed to see that you are not ten feet tall and shining as the sun.\u201d<\/p>\n Another automatic smile, but this one at least had the force of memory behind it.\u00a0 \u201cBesides her and the padre, there wasn\u2019t much worth rememberin\u2019 in that town.\u201d\u00a0 Joe offered an apologetic grimace, but she only nodded agreement.<\/p>\n \u201cNo.\u00a0 Things are \u2026 better since you and your father came, but still it is not a place to call home.\u201d<\/p>\n He was sorry to hear it.\u00a0 They had hoped that things would be better with the Walkers gone, but sometimes it took a while for that kind of vacuum to fill.\u00a0 \u201cHow is she?\u00a0 Maria?\u201d<\/p>\n Lina\u2019s face lit.\u00a0 \u201cMaria is very happy.\u00a0 She has been married this past year, and he has taken her away from the town and the tavern.\u201d<\/p>\n It was the first time in a very long time that anyone had spoken to him of a recent marriage without eyeing him cautiously.\u00a0 Joe doubted that Lina had spoken unawares\u2014she didn\u2019t seem the type\u2014and he \u2026 appreciated it.\u00a0 People didn\u2019t just talk to him anymore, not like this.\u00a0 Pa was always trying to help, Jamie was always worried, Candy was always too hearty, Hop Sing was always trying to feed<\/i>\u00a0him something.\u00a0 The hands stopped talking at all when he arrived.\u00a0 When he did make it into town, people were sympathetic.\u00a0 So sympathetic, all the time.\u00a0 Joe wished more of them could manage to be just \u2026 normal, and he asked another question about Maria for no other reason than to keep the meaningless patter of everyday conversation flowing.<\/p>\n Lina obliged as if she knew exactly what he needed.\u00a0 She spoke of Maria\u2019s new husband, and Maria\u2019s new home, and Maria\u2019s new employer, and Maria\u2019s new puppy, and by the time they reached the rear door of the Continental Hotel Joe had heard more in ten short minutes about the new Se\u00f1ora Maria Vega than he would ever possibly remember (or care to).\u00a0 It felt so good, though, to let the meaningless words just wash over him\u2014to have someone both talk to him and leave him be.<\/p>\n It was enough to make him almost glad he had come to town.<\/p>\n \u201cJust here, on the table.\u201d\u00a0 Joe set the baskets down and eyed the place.\u00a0 It wasn\u2019t a full kitchen\u2014wasn\u2019t large enough, for one thing\u2014but held two ovens, a fireplace, and an abundance of shelving filled with a variety of breads and pastries and other sweets.\u00a0 Lina saw him looking and smiled.\u00a0 \u201cThe bakery here is separated from the kitchen.\u00a0 Se\u00f1or Hirschel wished to add a counter to sell fresh baked goods in the lobby, and for that he needed more baked goods.\u201d\u00a0 She shrugged.\u00a0 \u201cHe believed it would set him apart from the other hotels.\u201d<\/p>\n It really had been a long time since he\u2019d been to town.\u00a0 \u201cAnd has it?\u201d<\/p>\n Lina turned, snatching a tray from one of the shelves.\u00a0 \u201cSee for yourself!\u201d\u00a0 Joe smiled politely and accepted one of the offered treats.\u00a0 It was light and airy and stuffed with apple and spices, and he snagged another shamelessly before Lina could return the tray to its shelf.\u00a0 She grinned, and he motioned with the first half-eaten pastry.<\/p>\n \u201cWell, if they\u2019re all like this then I guess so.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThey are not.\u201d\u00a0 He raised a startled brow, and Lina grinned.\u00a0 \u201cBut they are all just as good.\u00a0 When next you are in town, Se\u00f1or Cartwright, knock again on my door and you will see.\u201d<\/p>\n He stuffed down the last bite.\u00a0 \u201cI might take you up on that.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cPlease do.\u201d<\/p>\n Her voice was suddenly different, in just two words, and Joe felt \u2026 betrayed.\u00a0 Angry.\u00a0 Ambushed.\u00a0 He didn\u2019t want grief or sorrow from her.\u00a0 He didn\u2019t want understanding<\/i>.\u00a0 Joe touched his hat abruptly and turned to go, nearly tripping over his own feet in his haste.<\/p>\n \u201cJoselito.\u201d\u00a0 The shock of the memories stilled his feet, rather than any desire to stay.\u00a0 Another little town, this one full of laughing se\u00f1oritas and crazy laws and an exasperated big brother \u2026\u00a0\u00a0Hoss.<\/i>\u00a0 His stomach cramped.\u00a0 \u201cI know what it is to need so badly to speak, and yet to stay silent for fear of causing pain to those who love me.\u201d\u00a0 Joe pulled in a long, shuddering breath.\u00a0 \u201cMy own hurts rest in the heart of an old washer woman I met only the once, who likely thinks me half mad to this day.\u201d\u00a0 Lina\u2019s laugh was breathy, humorless.\u00a0 \u201cBut it helped me to say them, even so.\u201d\u00a0 Her footfalls were soft, and she stopped on the far side of the table, well before reaching him.\u00a0 \u201cIf you wish, I\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cMost of the time I feel like I burned with them, and the rest of the time I wish I had.\u201d<\/p>\n The admission burst forth with startling ferocity, the words loud and ugly after so long locked inside\u2014denied, pushed down so they didn\u2019t get out.<\/p>\n She deserved it, though.\u00a0 This woman deserved it, after taking his easy afternoon from him.<\/p>\n Lina pressed a hand gently to her heart.<\/p>\n Joe released his pent-up breath, turned, and walked out the door.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Chapter Two<\/strong><\/p>\n The crisp morning air bit into his lungs, clearing some of the fog from his brain.\u00a0\u00a0Joe drew in a deep breath as he entered the barn, tasting the warm sweet scent of horse and hay.\u00a0\u00a0He greeted Buck and Chubby, rubbed Cooch\u2019s soft nose.\u00a0\u00a0Cochise nosed hopefully for a treat he hadn\u2019t brought, and Joe wondered with a little flush of guilt how long it had been since he\u2019d remembered an apple or lump of sugar in the morning.\u00a0\u00a0He\u2019d just \u2026 let that slide.<\/p>\n Along with a lot of other things.<\/p>\n \u201cSorry Cooch,\u201d he murmured, offering another pat instead.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cLater.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe seized the pitchfork and went to toss hay into the stalls, the work coming somehow easier than it had in a while.\u00a0\u00a0Breathing seemed like less work too, and the heavy pain in his chest was \u2026 lighter.\u00a0\u00a0The physical aches, the apathy still clung to him, slowing every thought and movement as though he were living in molasses instead of air\u2014but the sharp pressure of keeping it all\u00a0inside<\/i>, hidden, had eased.<\/p>\n He\u2019d said it out loud, and not to just empty space.<\/p>\n It \u2026\u00a0did<\/i>\u00a0feel better.\u00a0\u00a0A little.<\/p>\n She\u2019d been right.\u00a0\u00a0It would have irked him, if he could be bothered.<\/p>\n Joe finished his morning chores without any thought\u2014it was all routine.\u00a0\u00a0Water the horses, feed the cats, feed the dog, feed the chickens, feed the goat.\u00a0\u00a0Jamie was the one shoveling stalls this week, and Candy was chopping wood and filling the box.\u00a0\u00a0Hop Sing would get the eggs, as the little cook didn\u2019t trust anyone else not to break the lot of them (with some justification, unfortunately).\u00a0\u00a0Joe\u2019s own part was done quickly, and he was back out in the yard.<\/p>\n Cool air, filling his lungs.\u00a0\u00a0It was \u2026 good.\u00a0\u00a0Sharp and fresh.\u00a0\u00a0Clean.<\/p>\n The smell of his home.\u00a0\u00a0He loved this land.<\/p>\n Pa was on the front porch, puffing at his pipe.\u00a0\u00a0He could have been looking at anything or nothing, but Joe knew that Ben was watching him.<\/p>\n His pa had been worried.\u00a0\u00a0They had all been worried.<\/p>\n He wasn\u2019t giving them any reason not to be, but he also couldn\u2019t seem to do anything different.<\/p>\n Fresh air.\u00a0\u00a0Easy breathing.<\/p>\n When was the last time he\u2019d actually started a conversation with his pa?\u00a0\u00a0With anyone?\u00a0\u00a0He\u2019d been just responding more than conversing lately \u2026<\/p>\n Joe stepped onto the porch, scrambling for something to say.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cPa.\u00a0\u00a0Nice morning.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0He wanted more, but his mind skittered away from the effort.<\/p>\n He didn\u2019t force it.\u00a0\u00a0Couldn\u2019t bother.<\/p>\n Ben blinked, eyeing him cautiously.\u00a0\u00a0Hopefully.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cFine morning, Joe.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0He hesitated, but when Joe didn\u2019t offer anything else Ben didn\u2019t push.\u00a0\u00a0He only slid a hand onto Joe\u2019s shoulder, squeezing gently.\u00a0\u00a0The heavy warmth was \u2026 comforting, rather than confining.\u00a0\u00a0In a flash of insight Joe noticed that his pa had aged\u2014the fingers that gripped him were thinner, bony even, although the callouses were still rough enough to catch and snag on the fabric of his work shirt.<\/p>\n It had been a tough couple of years for everyone.<\/p>\n Joe stayed there on the porch with his pa for nearly thirty seconds, drinking in the spicy pipe smoke and the crisp Nevada morning, before he pulled gently away and ducked into the house.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Chapter Three<\/strong><\/p>\n \u201cGood to see you, Mr. Cartwright.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAnd you, Mr. Weems.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe gripped the bank manager\u2019s proffered hand, then tucked the packet of paperwork under one arm and slid his hat into place.\u00a0\u00a0He shouldn\u2019t have been surprised to be back in Virginia City again so soon, all things considered.\u00a0\u00a0After his successful supply run last week\u2014the way Pa had looked him over when he got home, Joe had felt a like a kid coming in from his first solo ride to school\u2014Ben had apparently decided enough was enough, at least where town was concerned.\u00a0\u00a0The Cartwrights had contracts waiting to be signed, payments waiting to be made, and Ben was not inclined these days to make a ride of that length with any regularity.\u00a0\u00a0Joe\u2019s signature was the only other (active) one on the bank account, and it was time for him to start facing the world again.<\/p>\n Probably, Pa thought it would be good for him on other fronts too.<\/p>\n \u201cWas right sorry to hear about Mrs. Cartwright, Joe.\u00a0\u00a0I didn\u2019t know her, but my Ida says she was a good woman.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cShe was, Mr. Weems.\u00a0\u00a0Thank you.\u201d<\/p>\n Might\u00a0have<\/i>\u00a0been good for him, too, if people would just quit reminding him.\u00a0\u00a0Every<\/i>\u00a0conversation didn\u2019t have to be about his dead wife, did it?\u00a0\u00a0(Not about the baby, at least.\u00a0\u00a0Joe thanked the good Lord he and Alice hadn\u2019t told many people outside the family yet about their baby, then knew a flash of hot guilt before realizing he had almost tripped down the bank\u2019s front steps in his distraction.)\u00a0\u00a0Wasn\u2019t it remotely possible that something else of interest was happening in a town the size of Virginia City?<\/p>\n Joe stopped on the sidewalk and let the crowds flow past, taking it all in with an indifference that would have shocked the seventeen-year-old him.\u00a0\u00a0Back then when it all started, a few huts, a few tents, a dozen makeshift saloons, and a roper sellin\u2019 Paiute antelope out of a half-built storefront had seemed the height of excitement.\u00a0\u00a0Now \u2026 well, Little Joe Cartwright\u2019s mind would have boggled.<\/p>\n Too bad Little Joe Cartwright wasn\u2019t here instead of \u2026 whoever he was now.<\/p>\n A ruckus from across the way rose over the general din, and a couple of cowboys erupted through the batwings of the Old Bucket saloon, poundin\u2019 each other like their lives depended on the win.\u00a0\u00a0A crowd followed, yellin\u2019 and cheerin\u2019 and probably takin\u2019 bets.\u00a0\u00a0Joe recognized a couple of the men\u2014Tom Harris and Rowdy Davisson\u2014and ducked into the shadow of the bank before either one noticed him.\u00a0\u00a0Was a time not too long ago when he\u2019da been over there too, through those doors as soon as his business at the bank was done.\u00a0\u00a0He\u2019d had a hard time after Hoss, though\u2014wasn\u2019t the same drinkin\u2019 with friends when he knew he\u2019d never be drinkin\u2019 with his brother again\u2014and now the thought of them all talkin\u2019 at once, asking questions, just made him vaguely sick.<\/p>\n He wasn\u2019t ready to go home either, though.\u00a0\u00a0His pa, who had spent a good chunk of Joe\u2019s life scolding him for getting lost in a saloon or at a poker table, would no doubt look worried and wish his boy had stopped for a drink.<\/p>\n Seemed sometimes like a man just couldn\u2019t win.<\/p>\n Anyway, Joe had a different reason for sticking around town.\u00a0\u00a0He\u2019d thought \u2026 well, he thought he might try out visiting for a spell.<\/p>\n He hadn\u2019t really meant to go back, despite her invitation.\u00a0\u00a0He sure didn\u2019t plan to spill any more of his guts to the woman\u2014once was bad enough.\u00a0\u00a0But, Joe craved the easy interaction Lina Marquez had offered with an\u00a0intensity that was startling in his otherwise featureless existence.\u00a0\u00a0He was still a social man, despite the rest of it all.<\/p>\n He didn\u2019t\u00a0want<\/i>\u00a0to shut himself off.\u00a0\u00a0He just couldn\u2019t seem to handle anything else.<\/p>\n If he just made it clear from the outset he hadn\u2019t come to\u00a0talk<\/i>\u00a0\u2026<\/p>\n As Joe approached the door to Lina\u2019s little bakery at the rear of the Continental Hotel, though, he paused.\u00a0\u00a0Was that \u2026 yes.\u00a0\u00a0Laughter.\u00a0\u00a0Which meant she wasn\u2019t alone.\u00a0\u00a0Well, there went that plan.\u00a0\u00a0The disappointment was stronger than he had expected, and Joe couldn\u2019t resist\u00a0a peek through the little window to see who had beat him there.<\/p>\n She actually was<\/i> alone, as far as he could tell\u2014except for a letter clutched against her blouse.\u00a0\u00a0That looked to be the source of her amusement, for even as he watched Lina snuck a peek at the pages then burst into a fresh round of giggles.\u00a0\u00a0The unfettered merriment was \u2026 soothing.\u00a0\u00a0Joe leaned his head against the door for a moment and closed his eyes, soaking in the sound.<\/p>\n No one at home laughed like this anymore.\u00a0\u00a0Especially not him.<\/p>\n A tap on the window against his face made Joe jump.\u00a0\u00a0Lina smirked through the tiny panes, then came the quick scrape of a lock sliding back.\u00a0\u00a0(She locked the door?\u00a0\u00a0Didn\u2019t it get hot in there?)\u00a0\u00a0\u201cJoselito!\u201d\u00a0\u00a0She flung open the door and turned back into the room, leaving Joe to close it.\u00a0\u00a0(He left the lock unlatched, in case this was a bad idea and he needed a quick getaway.)\u00a0\u00a0By the time he joined her, Lina had thumped a coffee cup onto the counter and was pouring into it from a battered little pot.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cI am so happy to see you\u2014I\u2019ve had such a letter!\u201d<\/p>\n The lame protest Joe had been forming against the possibility of serious discussion faded, replaced by a vague curiosity.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cYeah?\u201d\u00a0\u00a0He took a sip, nodding his thanks.<\/p>\n It had been a long time since anybody had shared news just because it was funny.<\/p>\n \u201cMaria \u2026\u201d\u00a0\u00a0Lina\u2019s breath hitched, and the giggles kept on as she placed a several cookie-looking things (churros and polvorones, she would later tell him, but for now they were just treats covered in cinnamon and there was absolutely\u00a0nothing<\/i>\u00a0wrong with that) on a clean towel beside him.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cThree pages \u2026\u201d\u00a0\u00a0Another burst, and she waved the flour-covered missive.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cAbout their\u00a0goat<\/i>\u00a0\u2026\u201d\u00a0\u00a0Lina collapsed against the counter, and followed with something he couldn\u2019t even make out.<\/p>\n Despite\u00a0everything<\/i>, her utter lack of control made him want to join in.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cWhat<\/i>?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cSuspenders!\u201d She gasped.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cManuel\u2019s\u00a0suspenders<\/i>, and his \u2026 his \u2026\u201d\u00a0\u00a0Manuel.\u00a0\u00a0The husband?\u00a0\u00a0Joe wondered if Lina might actually hurt herself trying to get this out.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cTwo whole days \u2026\u201d she managed.<\/p>\n A faint grin curved his lips.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cMight take me that long to figure out what you\u2019re talkin\u2019 about, woman.\u201d<\/p>\n Lina bent almost double, an unladylike snort\u00a0echoing in the little space, and Joe was suddenly\u00a0very<\/i>\u00a0glad he had come.<\/p>\n ~.~.~.~.~.<\/p>\n He was \u2026 brittle.\u00a0\u00a0On edge.\u00a0\u00a0Everywhere Joe had turned since he\u2019d rode into Virginia City this morning had been couples\u2014old couples, young couples, married couples, courting couples\u2014and where there were no couples there were pregnant women.\u00a0\u00a0Seemed like the entire town was either expecting or out for a romantic stroll.\u00a0\u00a0(Except for you.<\/i>)\u00a0\u00a0He tried to ignore it, but \u2026 it just wasn\u2019t a good day.<\/p>\n It didn\u2019t help when Lina informed him that his snack was called wedding cookies.<\/p>\n Of course they were.\u00a0\u00a0Why wouldn\u2019t they be?<\/p>\n Joe ate in silence, unwilling to let on just how out of sorts he was (though she probably already knew).\u00a0\u00a0It wasn\u2019t a good day, he should just leave while he was ahead. If he opened his mouth, he was likely to say something he\u2019d regret.<\/p>\n Despite their name, the cookies were\u00a0good<\/i>.<\/p>\n He snagged another, and drank his coffee, and let his mind wander.\u00a0\u00a0Lina worked silently on her next batch (she definitely knew his mood), and let him just sit.\u00a0\u00a0Be.\u00a0\u00a0Eat.\u00a0\u00a0Rest.\u00a0\u00a0She was a perceptive woman, was Lina Marquez\u2014he\u2019d learned quickly that she had a sense about these things.\u00a0\u00a0Alice had been a good listener too.\u00a0\u00a0His wife was a quiet woman, and Joe had often found himself telling her things he hadn\u2019t intended just to fill up the space.\u00a0 He\u2019d rarely regretted it afterward, and usually ended up wondering why he hadn\u2019t just told her from the beginning.<\/p>\n \u201cAlice would have liked these.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe\u2019s gut dropped like a stone.\u00a0\u00a0Why<\/i>\u00a0had he said that?<\/p>\n It wasn\u2019t a good day.<\/p>\n Lina smiled.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cAlice Cartwright was a discerning woman, it seems.\u201d<\/p>\n He couldn\u2019t miss the double meaning, but he also couldn\u2019t accept it.<\/p>\n Alice had\u00a0trusted<\/i>\u00a0him.<\/p>\n She had trusted him.\u00a0\u00a0She had given herself to him, into his care, and he had failed her.\u00a0\u00a0It didn\u2019t even matter that \u2026<\/p>\n Joe stood abruptly, shoving the battered chair back into the wall.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cI need to be gettin\u2019 back.\u201d<\/p>\n Lina blinked, startled for maybe the first time since he had met her.\u00a0\u00a0Joe felt a moment of regret for his rudeness\u2014and he was, no question\u2014but he needed the ride back home to clear his head.\u00a0\u00a0Lina, bless her, recovered quickly.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cI am happy you came.\u201d<\/p>\n Every time.\u00a0\u00a0She was always happy to see him, no matter what kind of mood came with him. It was \u2026 reassuring.\u00a0\u00a0And it made him feel worse.\u00a0\u00a0Joe tipped his hat and started for the door, but the memories had already caught up, rushing in like a flood in a dry gulch.\u00a0\u00a0He stopped abruptly.\u00a0\u00a0He had let his guard down, and it was too late to beat them back.<\/p>\n \u201cI know it\u2019s not my fault.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0He didn\u2019t turn, but he knew she was listening.\u00a0\u00a0Lina always listened.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cEverybody say it\u2019s not.\u00a0 Alice<\/i> would say it\u2019s not.\u00a0\u00a0And it\u2019s not as if I could be with her every minute of the day, that would have been \u2026 crazy.\u00a0\u00a0We would have hated each other in a month.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0Joe clenched his fingers around his black gloves.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cBut it still \u2026 feels<\/i>\u00a0like it\u2019s my fault.\u201d<\/p>\n She didn\u2019t respond, and he was glad.<\/p>\n The silence wrapped around him, warm and heavy, and Joe finally looked back.\u00a0\u00a0Lina held his eyes, and nodded.\u00a0\u00a0Joe returned a grimace that was meant to be a smile, then ducked out the door.<\/p>\n ~.~.~.~.~.<\/p>\n \u201cI think Pa is worried about Jamie.\u201d<\/p>\n The soft slap of kneading dough continued without pause.<\/p>\n \u201cFor what reason?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHe \u2026 Well, I don\u2019t know for sure.\u00a0\u00a0Pa hasn\u2019t been tellin\u2019 me too much lately\u2014probably thinks it\u2019ll make things worse.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0Joe managed a wry twist of the lips.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cBut I think it\u2019s because he\u2019s bein\u2019 so good.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHa.\u00a0\u00a0And \u2018good\u2019 is a problem?\u201d<\/p>\n Joe took a long drink of coffee, trying to put some order to his scattered thoughts.\u00a0\u00a0He hadn\u2019t even noticed the way Ben was watching Jamie until just a few days ago\u2014but thinking back, he realized it had been going on for a while now.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cYou gotta know Jamie.\u00a0\u00a0He is a good kid.\u00a0\u00a0But \u2026 he pushes back.\u00a0\u00a0If he doesn\u2019t like something he\u2019s not afraid to argue, and he doesn\u2019t always know when to stop.\u00a0\u00a0He and Pa have been fightin\u2019 about school, for instance, pretty much since we met him.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAnd now?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNow he doesn\u2019t argue about anything.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0The cake, whatever it was, was good (like everything she baked\u2014he wasn\u2019t at all surprised by the steady stream of non-guests in the Continental\u2019s lobby).\u00a0\u00a0Heavy and moist.\u00a0\u00a0He chewed thoughtfully.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cHe gets up on time, gets his chores done on time, leaves for school on time, does his homework without being told.\u00a0\u00a0Brings home better marks than ever.\u00a0\u00a0He\u2019s always \u2026 cheerful.\u00a0\u00a0Too cheerful \u2026 but he\u2019s also real quiet.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0It had taken him only a couple of days to see it, once he had started looking.<\/p>\n \u201cAh.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0She flipped the dough.\u00a0\u00a0A puff of flour hung for a moment in the warm, fragrant air.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cYou think this is his way of \u2026 trying to help?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cProbably.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cShould<\/i>\u00a0your father be worried?\u201d<\/p>\n That was the thing.\u00a0\u00a0He hadn\u2019t paid enough real attention to his little brother lately to know.<\/p>\n A vague, uncomfortable guilt gnawed at him.\u00a0\u00a0He hadn\u2019t paid attention to a lot of things lately.\u00a0\u00a0What else had been slipping past that he should have noticed?<\/p>\n \u201cMaybe.\u201d<\/p>\n ~.~.~.~.~.<\/p>\n \u201cI spoke to the Widow Hawkins on Tuesday.\u00a0\u00a0It seems she saw you in town last week.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYeah?\u201d<\/p>\n He couldn\u2019t keep the caution out of his tone.\u00a0\u00a0Clementine Hawkins was a good woman and meant well \u2026 but her interest was usually a double-edged sword.<\/p>\n Lina\u2019s smirk wasn\u2019t helping things.<\/p>\n \u201cIndeed.\u00a0\u00a0She spoke of you, the \u2018poor boy\u2019.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe thumped his head back against the wall.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cI bet she did.\u201d<\/p>\n She giggled softly.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cI heard much about a stolen gemstone and a broken window and\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cIs she still\u00a0tellin\u2019<\/i>\u00a0that story?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOh, at great length.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0Lina grinned.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cAnd you weren\u2019t the only<\/i>\u00a0Cartwright she spoke of.\u201d<\/p>\n A hint of old amusement stirred.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cShe still after Pa?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cTo hear her tell it, theirs is a star-crossed love.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cStar-crossed?\u201d\u00a0\u00a0Oh, he had no doubt.<\/p>\n The empanadas were right out of the oven, still so warm that he had to take slow, careful bites.<\/p>\n Her smile grew distant, dimmed.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cMy grandmother had a few books at home, which she used to teach me to read English.\u00a0\u00a0\u2018Romeo and Juliet\u2019 was a great favorite of hers.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cSounds like my brother Adam.\u201d<\/p>\n He didn\u2019t know why he had brought Adam up\u2014it wasn\u2019t as if he needed that ball of anger and worry on top of everything else.<\/p>\n \u201cHe enjoys \u2018Romeo and Juliet\u2019?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHe enjoys Shakespeare.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0Unless Adam really was dead these past couple of years, and not just falling down on letter-writing.\u00a0\u00a0Big brother had been downright meticulous about his letters, though, until just after \u2026 Hoss.\u00a0\u00a0Hoss<\/i>.\u00a0\u00a0Why stop right when they needed him?\u00a0\u00a0Joe welcomed the surge of annoyance, held onto it.\u00a0\u00a0It was easier to believe the second and be angry than to accept the first and grieve another brother.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cDon\u2019t know about \u2018Romeo and Juliet\u2019 in particular.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0Suddenly, the Widow Hawkins seemed like a positively safe topic.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cThe widow\u2019s always had a soft spot for Pa.\u00a0\u00a0I think they could be friends if her interest wasn\u2019t so \u2026 obvious.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cShe was so very kind to me when I first arrived in town.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0Lina slid another tray into the oven.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cShe is the reason I have this job, truly.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cMrs. Hawkins?\u201d\u00a0\u00a0He couldn\u2019t seem to make the two fit together.<\/p>\n \u201cIndeed.\u00a0\u00a0I came to Virginia City alone, and of course needed work.\u00a0\u00a0I went first to the general stores, the Emporium, such places.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0Lina shrugged, an oddly self-conscious gesture.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cI knew that I would likely end up serving in some tavern, but I \u2026 wanted to at least try.\u201d<\/p>\n She moved on quickly, too quickly for Joe to do anything more than register that Lina had truly believed she had no other options.<\/p>\n Had she?<\/p>\n Probably not.\u00a0\u00a0It wasn\u2019t fair, but it was \u2026 the way things were.<\/p>\n He felt a sudden rush of unexpected affection for Clementine Hawkins.<\/p>\n \u201cShe was in the Emporium while I spoke to Se\u00f1or Keller.\u00a0\u00a0She overheard\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n Joe snorted softly.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cI bet she did.\u201d<\/p>\n Lina flapped a towel at him, both reproving and amused.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cShe\u00a0overheard<\/i>\u00a0when I listed baking among my skills.\u00a0\u00a0When Se\u00f1or Keller said that he could not hire me, she approached and told me of Se\u00f1or Hirschel\u2019s wish to begin a bakery here.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0Because of course the Widow Hawkins knew about that.\u00a0\u00a0She knew everything, no matter how Virginia City grew.\u00a0\u00a0It was impressive, no question.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cThe next morning she brought me here.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0Lina shook her head, amazement still clear after so many months.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cShe didn\u2019t know me.\u00a0\u00a0She had never tasted a thing I baked, yet she brought me here herself to ask Se\u00f1or Hirschel for a chance at this position.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWell.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0Joe wasn\u2019t surprised.\u00a0\u00a0The widow had her quirks, but she was also a good woman with a kind, fearless heart.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cClementine Hawkins is a discerning woman, too.\u201d<\/p>\n Lina dimpled\u00a0and returned to her dough.\u00a0\u00a0Joe took another careful bite.<\/p>\n Somehow, the little reference to Alice didn\u2019t hurt like it used to.\u00a0\u00a0Anyway, she would have been pleased to share the title.\u00a0\u00a0His wife, for reasons never fully explained, had adored the Widow Hawkins.<\/p>\n He had almost forgotten that.<\/p>\n ~.~.~.~.~.<\/p>\n He had never seen Lina so agitated.<\/p>\n She unlocked the door for him, at least.\u00a0\u00a0No greeting, though, and no coffee.\u00a0\u00a0No smile or description of whatever cake or cookie or unknown pastry she was concocting this time.\u00a0\u00a0Lina only slapped a couple of sugar cookies onto his usual spot (he had never seen her treat any baked good so carelessly) and went back to her dough.<\/p>\n Joe edged cautiously inside, giving himself time to think.<\/p>\n It\u00a0took<\/i>\u00a0time, these days\u2014though at least his ability to focus for longer than about a minute seemed to be slowly coming back to him.<\/p>\n He sat in his corner, stretched his legs, and kept his mouth shut.\u00a0\u00a0Lina pounded away with her rolling pin, more like she was killin\u2019 a spider than rollin\u2019 out cookies.\u00a0\u00a0Finally, Joe ventured, \u201cYou got somethin\u2019 against sugar cookies?\u201d<\/p>\n Dumb question, yeah, but it might at least tell him whether\u2014<\/p>\n She snatched up the half-formed dough and hurled it into a corner.\u00a0\u00a0Joe gaped.\u00a0\u00a0The rolling pin clattered onto the wooden floor.\u00a0\u00a0Lina turned her back and leaned heavily against the far counter, gripping its edge hard enough that her knuckles turned white.<\/p>\n \u201cMy late husband,\u201d her voice came out muffled, \u201crequired<\/i>\u00a0a daily batch.\u00a0\u00a0Always<\/i>, and heaven help \u2026\u201d\u00a0\u00a0Lina cut off, and shook her head.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cI never wish to make another sugar cookie.\u201d<\/p>\n For an instant, his brain seized.<\/p>\n Her husband.<\/p>\n Her\u00a0late<\/i>\u00a0husband.<\/p>\n Required.<\/p>\n And heaven help<\/i>\u00a0\u2026<\/p>\n Disbelief and a cold trickle of anger cleared his thoughts.<\/p>\n \u2018My own hurts rest in the heart of an old washer woman \u2026\u2019<\/i><\/p>\n A shaky breath brought him back into the room, to Lina\u2019s hunched shoulders and the sugar cookie dough lying like a dead thing in the corner.\u00a0\u00a0Joe rose.\u00a0\u00a0He picked up the rolling pin and placed it safely on the counter, then drifted closer until he stood behind her.\u00a0\u00a0Lina sighed and wiped at her eyes.<\/p>\n \u201cHe was \u2026\u00a0not<\/i>\u00a0my choice.\u201d<\/p>\n She had never even hinted at a marriage before.<\/p>\n Seemed like she had reason.<\/p>\n He wasn\u2019t sure what to say to her\u2014what to do.\u00a0\u00a0Lina was a woman who valued attentive silence, but he couldn\u2019t just leave this.<\/p>\n \u201cWhy are you makin\u2019 them, then?\u201d<\/p>\n A teary sniff greeted that question.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cPeople like sugar cookies.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0Lina waved one hand, cutting off any response.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cI am sorry, I am \u2026 not good company today.\u201d<\/p>\n In other words,\u00a0go<\/i>.<\/p>\n Joe hesitated, then gripped her shoulders gently.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cPeople don\u2019t\u00a0need<\/i>\u00a0sugar cookies, Lina.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0He squeezed once, then released her and ducked out into the alley, leaving his cookies uneaten.<\/p>\n ~.~.~.~.~.<\/p>\n He wasn\u2019t used to finding other visitors in the little bakery\u2014and especially not this one.<\/p>\n \u201cHop Sing very grateful.\u00a0\u00a0Will get much use from these.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe hovered in the open doorway, gawking like an idiot as his friend offered Lina a bow.\u00a0\u00a0He didn’t know these two had even met.<\/p>\n Lina beamed as Hop Sing tucked the paper away.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cDe nada, Se\u00f1or<\/i>.\u00a0\u00a0And please, do come at any time\u2014I am so excited to learn your sachima and almond cookies.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHappy to teach.\u00a0\u00a0I come next week, maybe.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cGracias<\/i>.\u201d<\/p>\n They both noticed Joe as Hop Sing turned toward the exit.\u00a0\u00a0Lina offered a cheery wave, but Hop Sing scowled like he\u2019d been caught with his hand in the cookie jar.\u00a0\u00a0So to speak.<\/p>\n \u201cNumber three son like Mexican baking much these days.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0Well \u2026 he had brought a few things home from the Continental lobby over the past weeks, yes.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cHop Sing get recipes and tips.\u00a0\u00a0Good to try new things.\u201d<\/p>\n He would always be ‘Little Joe’\u00a0to Hop Sing.\u00a0 That was okay.<\/p>\n \u201cAnd Hop Sing will show me Chinese desserts as well.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0Lina gave a satisfied little bounce.<\/p>\n They both looked so pleased with themselves that Joe couldn\u2019t help a grin.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cWell, sounds good for everybody, I guess.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhat good for Hop Sing is to get home.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0The little cook nodded back at Lina.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cMiss Catalina.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHop Sing.\u201d<\/p>\n Catalina?<\/i><\/p>\n How did he not know that?<\/p>\n Hop Sing pushed past, patting Joe\u2019s elbow on the way through.\u00a0\u00a0When Joe turned back, Lina\u2014Catalina<\/i>\u2014was tossing ingredients into a mixing bowl with her customary abandon.<\/p>\n \u201cSo?\u201d<\/p>\n She looked up, lifting an eyebrow.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cSo?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhich ones did you give him?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHa.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0Lina smirked.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cYou will just have to wait and see.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Chapter Four<\/strong><\/p>\n \u201cAh!\u201d\u00a0\u00a0Hop Sing called from behind him as Joe started out the kitchen door.\u00a0\u00a0Joe waited, slapping his black gloves restlessly against his leg.\u00a0\u00a0One thing after another had kept coming up all morning\u2014he and Candy were more than an hour late getting out.\u00a0\u00a0The little cook scurried over.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cLittle Joe tell Miss Catalina that Hop Sing be by on Thursday.\u00a0\u00a0We make more sachima.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0Hop Sing nodded firmly.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cMiss Catalina sachima very tasty\u2014be good as Hop Sing someday.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe lifted an eyebrow.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cBut not yet?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cLittle Joe think she make as good as Hop Sing in two tries?\u201d\u00a0\u00a0The cook scowled, shooing Joe out of the kitchen.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cNot want any dessert tonight, hmm?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNow wait, I didn\u2019t say that!\u201d\u00a0\u00a0Joe held up two placating hands.\u00a0\u00a0Hop Sing waved a finger in the younger man\u2019s face before turning away, not quickly enough to hide his smirk.\u00a0\u00a0Joe leaned against the door frame.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cShe sure enjoys you comin\u2019 by\u2014told me so the other day.\u201d<\/p>\n Hop Sing nodded.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cMiss Catalina good girl.\u00a0\u00a0Laugh like springtime.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0He patted his chest.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cGood for old man\u2019s heart.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou ain\u2019t old, Hop Sing.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHmph.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0The little man rolled his eyes.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cNumber Three son have eyes checked in town today, maybe.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe snorted a chuckle.<\/p>\n It wasn\u2019t much, but it was real.<\/p>\n By the table, Hop Sing nodded.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cMiss Catalina good for Little Joe, too.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe grimaced.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cI don\u2019t know what you\u2019re thinkin\u2019, Hop Sing, but\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHop Sing think it good for Number Three son to have friend who laugh.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0One thin shoulder shrugged.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cNo laughing here for too long.\u00a0\u00a0Not good for Little Joe.\u00a0\u00a0Not help him.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0Hop Sing shook his head, then turned his attention back to the half-chopped carrots on the table.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cNot good for anybody, but nobody here listen to Hop Sing.\u201d<\/p>\n Now\u00a0that<\/i>\u00a0was the most ridiculous thing Joe had heard in a long time.\u00a0\u00a0He didn\u2019t bother with an argument\u2014Hop Sing liked nothing better than for someone to rise to his bait, and if Joe stopped to bicker he and Candy would never make it into Virginia City.<\/p>\n He\u2019d come back later and stir the pot again.\u00a0\u00a0Since … Hoss (he missed<\/em> Hoss), he appreciated the little cook\u2019s argumentative tendencies all the more.<\/p>\n No one squabbled like his big brother, but bickering with Hop Sing was something, at least.<\/p>\n Joe stood for a minute, watching his old friend with an affectionate eye, then thumped the door frame and headed out to meet Candy.\u00a0\u00a0It really might<\/i>\u00a0be dark by the time they made it back.\u00a0\u00a0He found Ben waiting at the buckboard, too\u2014at least, his pa was standing by the team, detailing at length exactly where he wanted Candy to look for axle grease.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat they have at the Emporium is too dark.\u00a0\u00a0It stains.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0Ben puffed on his pipe.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cAnd the tubs at Carlson\u2019s General are so small you might as well not even bother.\u00a0\u00a0The stuff Old Ned sells out the back of the livery is more water than grease, so don\u2019t let him take you in.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0Candy cast Joe a desperate glance from the seat of the buckboard, then pasted on a smile and nodded as Ben added emphatically, \u201cAnd Jack Harlson might as well have silver mixed in, for what he\u2019s charging!\u00a0\u00a0It\u2019s ridiculous, and I don\u2019t want anything that man\u2019s selling coming back to this ranch!\u201d<\/p>\n They had both (Jamie too) had this lecture more than a few times over the past couple of years.<\/p>\n In fact, Joe could probably give it himself.<\/p>\n \u201cDon\u2019t worry, Pa.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0Joe swung up beside Candy, settling back for the ride.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cWe\u2019ll go to Jansen\u2019s.\u201d<\/p>\n The mottled shade of red that crept up his pa\u2019s neck might have been worrisome if Candy hadn\u2019t choked at the words then attempted to cover it with a cough.\u00a0\u00a0Ben glared between the two of them, heavy brows furrowing, then sighed and shook his head.<\/p>\n \u201cAll right.\u00a0\u00a0Point taken.\u00a0\u00a0You\u2019re both adults, I\u2019m sure you\u2019re more than capable.\u00a0\u00a0But,\u201d he pointed ominously, \u201cif one more tub of bad axle grease makes its way back here from town, the responsible party will find himself cutting firewood for the next year!\u201d<\/p>\n \u2018Bad\u2019 was a relative term, when it came to axle grease.\u00a0\u00a0Joe himself hated the only brand that didn\u2019t set Ben off on an hour-long rant.<\/p>\n It stunk.\u00a0\u00a0Oh, did it stink.<\/p>\n \u201cCome on, Candy.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0Joe stretched his legs, elbowing their foreman.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cI\u2019ll buy you a beer when we\u2019re done.\u00a0\u00a0Sounds like we\u2019re gonna need it.\u201d<\/p>\n Candy\u2019s pleased grin was enough to make him realize that Hop Sing was right.\u00a0\u00a0Nobody on the Ponderosa had been laughin\u2019 much these days.<\/p>\n That needed to stop.\u00a0\u00a0Joe wasn\u2019t sure he was ready for it \u2026 but he also wasn\u2019t sure he ever would be.<\/p>\n They couldn\u2019t wait that long.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n <\/p>\n Chapter Five<\/strong><\/p>\n \u201cHey Joe?\u201d<\/p>\n Jamie\u2019s voice\u00a0startled Joe out of his dour thoughts.\u00a0\u00a0He turned quickly, shaking his head to clear out the cobwebs.\u00a0\u00a0It had been a\u00a0long week.\u00a0\u00a0A\u00a0bad<\/i> week, a hard time for keeping himself in working order.<\/p>\n \u201cJoe!\u201d<\/p>\n Jamie was\u00a0annoyed now.\u00a0\u00a0Joe grunted his own frustration\u2014focus, Cartwright!<\/i>\u2014and turned his attention to\u00a0his little brother.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cWe done?\u201d<\/p>\n Jamie\u2019s lips pursed.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cYeah, sure.\u00a0\u00a0We\u2019re<\/i>\u00a0done.\u201d<\/p>\n Okay.\u00a0\u00a0He deserved that.<\/p>\n Joe eyed the loaded wagon. He really\u00a0hadn\u2019t<\/em>\u00a0done much of the heavy lifting this time out.\u00a0\u00a0His thoughts had been a thousand miles away (or just outside of Carson City), and his movements had matched\u2014all while Jamie dragged the greater part of their supply order from the store into the wagon bed.<\/p>\n The kid had a right to be aggravated.<\/p>\n This kind of thing had to stop.\u00a0 He had thought he was doing better lately, makin’ some kind of progress, but\u00a0…<\/p>\n \u201cThanks.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0Joe gripped the bony shoulder, trying to convey an apology in the touch.\u00a0\u00a0Jamie shifted, but didn\u2019t quite shrug him off.\u00a0\u00a0Joe sighed.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cLook, why don\u2019t we get a late lunch before we head back?\u201d<\/p>\n Now, Jamie did duck out of his grasp.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cI ain\u2019t too hungry.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0Joe couldn\u2019t remember the last time\u00a0that<\/i>\u00a0had been true.\u00a0\u00a0He considered calling the boy on it, but didn\u2019t have the chance.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cI\u2019m gonna go see Ted for a while and then head back later.\u00a0\u00a0If that\u2019s okay,\u201d Jamie tacked on, almost as an afterthought.<\/p>\n Time was, his little brother had jumped at a chance to spend an extra hour with him.<\/p>\n His own fault.\u00a0\u00a0Nobody else\u2019s.<\/p>\n Joe couldn\u2019t even mount a presentable argument, not as things stood.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cBe home before dark.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYeah.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0Jamie nodded, and bade Artie Keller goodbye, and loped away.\u00a0\u00a0Joe watched him go, kicking absently at the rim of the near wagon wheel.\u00a0\u00a0He didn\u2019t even hear Keller talking until the storekeeper approached and tapped Joe\u2019s shoulder with his pencil.<\/p>\n \u201cJoe?\u00a0\u00a0Anything else?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOh, sorry Artie.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0Again!<\/i>\u00a0If he went home now, he\u2019d probably end up in a ditch halfway there.\u00a0\u00a0Joe sighed, resettling his hat.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cNo, I think that\u2019s it.\u00a0\u00a0I\u2019ll get out of your way.\u201d<\/p>\n He climbed into the wagon and clucked to the horses, pulling around the nearest corner out of the main flow of traffic.\u00a0\u00a0Parking in the shade of a building, Joe tied down the tarp over their supplies and then started down the backstreet.\u00a0\u00a0A turn here, a couple of alleys and a jumped fence, and it would bring him out right at the rear of the Continental.<\/p>\n He wasn\u2019t\u00a0ready to head home. \u00a0It was all a week past\u00a0now,\u00a0and he still didn\u2019t quite know what to say to Pa.<\/p>\n What would I have\u00a0<\/i>done,\u00a0if \u2026?<\/i><\/p>\n When he reached the bakery, though, Joe hesitated, slouching against the wall and squinting\u00a0up into the sky.\u00a0\u00a0Did he really want to be here right now, either?\u00a0\u00a0Lina was perceptive\u2014too much so, sometimes.\u00a0\u00a0If he went in there now, she\u2019d have him spilling his guts about the whole blessed ordeal in five minutes flat, with nothing more than a cookie and a silent smile.<\/p>\n How did she do that?\u00a0\u00a0And why did he\u00a0let<\/i>\u00a0her?<\/p>\n He snorted softly.\u00a0\u00a0There were lots\u00a0of answers to that question, all tangled up together in one big ball of chaos, but if he was honest, probably the simplest was that he just\u2014<\/p>\n \u201cJoselito!\u201d<\/p>\n Joe hadn\u2019t heard the door, but her exclamation and the clatter of her broom jolted him from his reverie.\u00a0\u00a0He was startled when Lina scurried into the alley and gripped his elbows tightly, dark eyes shining with concern.<\/p>\n \u201cOh Joe, I heard about your father at the prison.\u00a0\u00a0How is he?\u00a0\u00a0Is he well?\u00a0\u00a0Was he hurt?\u201d<\/p>\n She knew.<\/p>\n Of course she knew.\u00a0\u00a0Why should that surprise him?\u00a0\u00a0Ben Cartwright had been taken hostage at the State Prison and had been rescued only at the cost of a riot and the beating of a loyal friend and custody of a new parolee.\u00a0\u00a0The gossip had probably made it halfway to Australia by now.<\/p>\n Don\u2019t think about Australia.<\/i><\/p>\n \u201cNo,\u201d he managed, offering what he hoped was (but knew wasn\u2019t) a smile.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cNot hurt.\u00a0\u00a0He\u2019s fine.\u201d<\/p>\n Lina\u2019s eyes narrowed.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cCandy?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHe\u2019s fine too.\u00a0\u00a0A little sore, still, but back at work.\u00a0\u00a0Wouldn\u2019t have it any other way.\u201d<\/p>\n She nodded, her hands rubbing absently at his sleeves.\u00a0\u00a0Joe shuddered.\u00a0\u00a0He had always thrived on physical contact, ever since he was young, but since losing Alice \u2026<\/p>\n It was too much.\u00a0\u00a0He didn\u2019t want her that close.\u00a0\u00a0He didn\u2019t want\u00a0anybody<\/i>\u00a0that close.<\/p>\n Lina noticed (way<\/i>\u00a0too perceptive<\/i>), and stepped back before Joe pulled away.\u00a0\u00a0She eyed him for a moment, then nodded suddenly.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cWait here.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0She ducked inside before he could respond, and was back again in seconds with a milk pail dangling from one arm.\u00a0\u00a0Lina locked the door, checked it, pocketed the key, then motioned with a tilt of her head.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cCome along.\u201d<\/p>\n Well \u2026 okay.\u00a0\u00a0A walk would probably do him good.<\/p>\n \u201cYou think somebody\u2019s gonna steal your flour while you\u2019re gone?\u201d<\/p>\n It wasn\u2019t the reason.\u00a0\u00a0Joe\u00a0knew<\/i>\u00a0it wasn\u2019t the reason.\u00a0\u00a0He also didn\u2019t expect an answer\u2014not a real one, not today.\u00a0\u00a0He did want her to know, though, that she wasn\u2019t fooling anybody.<\/p>\n At least, she wasn\u2019t fooling him.<\/p>\n Joe Cartwright might not be worth too much these days, but he had seen\u00a0this<\/i>.\u00a0 Lina Marquez was his friend, and she was afraid, and he didn\u2019t intend to leave things at that.<\/p>\n Her voice was light\u2014too light.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cMy broom.\u00a0\u00a0You cannot think I would leave it unprotected?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAh, the broom.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0Joe tugged the pail from her and set it to swinging alongside like he was ten again, dashing out of school with his lunch in tow.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cOf course.\u201d<\/p>\n Lina snorted softly.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cOf course.\u201d<\/p>\n She set out with a purpose then and he followed, letting the subject drop.\u00a0\u00a0There would (probably, but not always) be another time.\u00a0\u00a0They wound through main roads and back streets and alleys\u2014Virginia City\u2019s layout these days resembled nothing so much as a prairie dog city\u2014and anyone less familiar with this corner of Nevada would have been instantly lost.\u00a0\u00a0Joe had grown up with this town, though\u2014had been here longer than Virginia City, even.\u00a0\u00a0He had seen it balloon from nothing to tents and shacks to a thriving mining community.\u00a0\u00a0He had seen it burn and rebuild into something he didn\u2019t quite recognize and wasn\u2019t sure he wanted to.\u00a0\u00a0He had drank here and fought here, bought merchandise from practically everyone around with something to sell, attended church and festivals and dances here.\u00a0\u00a0He had married here (don\u2019t think about that<\/i>).\u00a0\u00a0There was no section of the city that he didn\u2019t know\u2014much of it well, some just in passing\u2014and no place where\u00a0someone didn\u2019t know him.<\/p>\n He hadn\u2019t been to the Mexican quarter for a while, but it held good memories.\u00a0\u00a0He and Mitch had stumbled across a nice little cantina years past, run by an elderly couple and their granddaughter.\u00a0\u00a0It served hot food and decent beer, and they had been regulars for a good little bit.\u00a0\u00a0Course, that was before he and Mitch had fallen out, and then Mitch had moved on down to Santa Fe with his new wife and her pa.\u00a0\u00a0There was also no telling if the place had even survived the fire.<\/p>\n Still, good memories.<\/p>\n Lina led him to a low storefront tucked into a row of buildings, its front posts strung with loops of\u00a0\u00a0peppers\u2014chilis, poblanos, and jalape\u00f1os.\u00a0\u00a0A barrel of dried black beans sat on one side of the doorway, a bin of avocados on the other.\u00a0\u00a0Next to the avocados, an elderly se\u00f1ora reclined in an even older rocking chair, the length of a half-embroidered shawl tumbling from her lap.\u00a0\u00a0Lina smiled and greeted her.\u00a0\u00a0The woman replied, motioned into the store, then turned raised brows on Joe.\u00a0 Her eyes sparkling as another burst of Spanish passed between the two women.\u00a0\u00a0Lina giggled.<\/p>\n \u201cIt seems you have an admirer.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYeah?\u201d\u00a0\u00a0Joe grinned at the old woman, and dropped a wink.\u00a0\u00a0She laughed, clapping her hands together.<\/p>\n Lina snorted.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cCome.\u00a0\u00a0Your head will grow too large for your hat.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHey, you\u2019re the one who brought me,\u201d Joe protested, chuckling for the first time in a week.\u00a0\u00a0He tipped his brim.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cPleasure to meet you, Se\u00f1ora.\u201d<\/p>\n The woman caught at Joe\u2019s sleeve, offering one weathered cheek.\u00a0\u00a0Lina smirked unhelpfully at his startled glance.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cYou were the one flirting.\u201d<\/p>\n Yeah.\u00a0\u00a0Guess he was, at that.<\/p>\n Shaking his head, Joe bent to peck the worn cheek.\u00a0\u00a0Before he managed it, two wiry hands seized his face.\u00a0\u00a0A firm kiss landed full on his lips, and then the se\u00f1ora released him.\u00a0\u00a0She sat back, looking entirely pleased with herself.<\/p>\n Joe gaped.<\/p>\n Lina collapsed into the avocado bin, gasping laughter.<\/p>\n The se\u00f1ora returned to her embroidery, humming softly.<\/p>\n \u201cJest can\u2019t help yourself, can you, little brother?\u201d<\/i><\/p>\n He couldn\u2019t help it\u2014Joe burst into a cackle.\u00a0\u00a0Lina\u2019s eyes widened (either because she couldn\u2019t breathe or because she had never heard him really laugh), and she sagged against the wall.\u00a0\u00a0The old woman\u2019s wheezing giggle joined them.\u00a0\u00a0A middle-aged man appeared in the doorway, wiping his hands on his apron and fixing them all with a bewildered stare.\u00a0\u00a0Joe propped himself against a post, gulped back his laughter, and doffed his hat to the old lady.<\/p>\n \u201cSe\u00f1ora \u2026\u201d\u00a0\u00a0What did a man\u00a0say<\/i>\u00a0to something like that?\u00a0\u00a0\u201cGracias<\/i>.\u201d<\/p>\n Lina\u2019s giggled\u00a0again.\u00a0\u00a0The storekeeper crossed to the old woman, speaking rapidly.\u00a0\u00a0The se\u00f1ora waved him off with a casual flap of her hand, picked up the shawl, and bent to her sewing.<\/p>\n Apparently, she was finished with them all.<\/p>\n The storekeeper threw up his hands and stalked back inside.\u00a0\u00a0Joe crossed to Lina, murmuring, \u201cShould I feel used?\u201d\u00a0\u00a0She snorted, snatching the bucket from him.<\/p>\n \u201cI have never seen her do anything like that.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWell.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0He crossed his arms and quirked a grin.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cI guess I\u2019m just irresistible.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cJoseph Cartwright \u2026\u201d<\/p>\n The storekeeper stuck his head back out the door, and Lina scurried inside.\u00a0\u00a0Joe shook his head and followed.\u00a0\u00a0He tucked himself into a corner, hovering out of the way while Lina purchased goat milk, chilis, and cinnamon.\u00a0\u00a0He stepped up when the storekeeper handed over the full pail, taking it before she had a chance.\u00a0\u00a0She dimpled her thanks, paid, and left the store with the package of chilis and cinnamon tucked under her arm.\u00a0\u00a0Joe fell into step, settling the pail into a comfortable hold.\u00a0\u00a0Lina was still chuckling softly, and somehow the rock that had\u00a0lodged in his chest since last week\u2019s disaster at the State Prison seemed to have lightened considerably.\u00a0\u00a0He took a long, easy breath, and began to tell her about that day as they wound their way back to the bakery.<\/p>\n \u201cNow we\u2019ve actually got him at the Ponderosa, he\u2019s settled down some.\u00a0\u00a0He still ain\u2019t actin\u2019 like he\u2019s too excited to see the outside\u2014I get the feeling \u2018cowhand\u2019 isn\u2019t exactly his pick of careers\u2014but he\u2019s keepin\u2019 his head down and stayin\u2019 busy.\u00a0\u00a0I guess he\u2019d rather be here than prison.\u00a0\u00a0Candy thinks he\u2019ll stay put for now, at least, so \u2026\u201d\u00a0\u00a0Joe shrugged, and set the milk on the counter beside the cinnamon and chilis.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cGuess we\u2019ll see what happens.\u201d<\/p>\n Lina was already rummaging in a side pantry.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cI am so very thankful that Griff decided to help your father and Candy, rather than join with the other prisoners.\u00a0\u00a0To think what could have happened \u2026\u201d\u00a0\u00a0Her voice was muffled, but Joe detected genuine relief all the same.<\/p>\n \u201cYeah.\u00a0\u00a0I have.\u201d<\/p>\n He\u2019d wondered, too, long and often since that day. What would he have done?<\/p>\n If his pa had been \u2026 killed, if Candy had been killed \u2026<\/p>\n What would he have\u00a0done<\/i>?<\/p>\n He snagged his usual chair (the only chair in the room, actually, but Lina rarely stopped moving long enough to sit anywhere) and flipped it around to straddle backward.\u00a0\u00a0Joe crossed his arms along its back and rested his chin on top, watching as she mixed milk and sugar with a thick bar of chocolate in a pan on the tiny stove.\u00a0\u00a0Even barely melted the smell made his mouth water, but it wasn\u2019t enough to distract his roiling thoughts.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat would I have done?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhat do you think you would have done?\u201d<\/p>\n He hadn\u2019t realized he\u2019d spoken out loud.<\/p>\n Lina added the cinnamon and chili (chili in hot chocolate?<\/i>) into the pot.\u00a0\u00a0The thick, rich scent wrapped around him, warmed him.\u00a0\u00a0She stirred patiently, silently.<\/p>\n What did he\u00a0think<\/i>\u00a0he would have done?\u00a0\u00a0There was a solidity to her question that his own lacked, and he considered for a long moment.<\/p>\n \u201cI would have gone back home, I guess.\u00a0\u00a0Jamie still \u2026 needs me.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0Joe snorted, and looked away.\u00a0\u00a0Who was he kidding?\u00a0\u00a0What good would he have been to his little brother if the worst had happened?\u00a0\u00a0He had barely managed\u00a0himself<\/i>\u00a0over the past week, with it all just a bad memory.<\/p>\n Suddenly, the wreckage of his life repulsed him.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat?\u201d<\/p>\n Somehow, she saw.\u00a0\u00a0Lina lifted an eyebrow, most of her attention still fixed on the thick chocolate that she was dividing into two battered cups.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m\u00a0tired<\/i>\u00a0of it.\u00a0\u00a0I\u2019m\u00a0tired<\/i>\u00a0of people leaving me.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0Joe gripped the chair, knuckles blanching white against tanned, weathered skin.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cI\u2019m\u00a0tired<\/i>\u00a0of not being able to stop it.\u00a0\u00a0My Mama.\u00a0\u00a0Adam.\u00a0\u00a0Hoss.\u00a0\u00a0Al \u2026\u00a0Alice<\/i>.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0He rattled the battered wood.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cOur baby.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0Joe caught a shimmer in her eyes, and looked away.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cI feel so\u00a0helpless<\/i>, and I don\u2019t \u2026 I don\u2019t\u00a0do<\/i>\u00a0helpless!\u201d\u00a0\u00a0He shook the chair again, a vent for his anger and pain.\u00a0\u00a0It groaned in protest.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cYou hear me?\u00a0\u00a0I don\u2019t\u00a0do<\/i>\u00a0helpless!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cEveryone<\/i>\u00a0does helpless.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0Her words were calm, her eyes \u2026 distant.\u00a0\u00a0Weary, in a way that had become only too familiar to him.\u00a0\u00a0It lived in his own heart every day.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cDo you think you are God, Joseph Cartwright, that you should be able to control everything and save everyone?\u201d<\/p>\n He snarled.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cOf course not!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThen what\u00a0are<\/i>\u00a0you saying?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m sayin\u2019 \u2026\u201d\u00a0\u00a0The burst of anger had exhausted him.\u00a0\u00a0Joe sighed, dropping his chin back onto his crossed arms.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cI guess I feel sometimes like\u00a0I<\/i>\u00a0left right along with all the rest of them.\u00a0\u00a0I know I can\u2019t get\u00a0them<\/i>\u00a0back, but I don\u2019t even know if I can get\u00a0myself<\/i>\u00a0back.\u201d<\/p>\n Lina studied him, sympathetic and affectionate and \u2026 understanding.\u00a0\u00a0Finally, she crossed to him, holding out a cup of chocolate.\u00a0\u00a0He took it automatically, still lost in his own thoughts, and jumped when her hand closed over his.<\/p>\n \u201cJoselito.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe gathered himself.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cSorry.\u201d<\/p>\n Her fingers tightened.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cNo.\u00a0\u00a0But perhaps \u2026\u201d\u00a0\u00a0Lina sighed, and looked away.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cPerhaps you are searching for the wrong Joseph.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI don\u2019t\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cPerhaps, instead of trying to bring back a Joseph who does not wish to be found, you should try learning who\u00a0this<\/i>\u00a0one is,\u00a0now<\/i>.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0She tapped him gently, and then retreated to her own cup of chocolate.<\/p>\n Her words brought \u2026 relief, though he wasn\u2019t sure why.<\/p>\n They also stirred a dozen questions that it was far past time for him to ask.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cLina.\u00a0\u00a0Will you tell me?”<\/p>\n She smiled faintly, and sipped her chocolate.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cNot today.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cLina \u2026\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI will.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0Lina met his eyes.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cI promise.\u00a0\u00a0But today is yours.\u201d<\/p>\n All right.\u00a0\u00a0He would accept that for now \u2026 but not for much longer.<\/p>\n Today is mine<\/i>.<\/p>\n Yeah.\u00a0\u00a0Maybe \u2026 maybe it was.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Chapter Six<\/strong><\/p>\n The foreign address was deeply familiar, though he hadn\u2019t written it in well over a year.\u00a0\u00a0Joe scrawled out the final words, bold and dark, then tossed the pen aside, sat back, and stared for a long moment at the result.\u00a0\u00a0He had already enclosed his letter (Brother Adam, I don\u2019t know if you\u2019ll ever see this letter.\u00a0\u00a0I don\u2019t know if you\u2019re dead, or if you don\u2019t care, or if you just moved and your new address got lost somewhere between Ballarat and Virginia City.\u00a0\u00a0Whatever the reason for these past years of silence, I\u2019ve decided to write you anyway \u2026<\/i>) and sealed it so that he had no chance to rethink\u2014either his wording or his decision.<\/p>\n This wasn\u2019t really about Adam, anyway.<\/p>\n It was about starting to feel his way through his own new life.\u00a0\u00a0Who\u00a0this<\/i>\u00a0Joe Cartwright was, as Lina had said.\u00a0\u00a0What\u2014and who\u2014was important to him.<\/p>\n \u201cTell me about your brother Adam.\u00a0\u00a0How long as he been gone?\u201d<\/i><\/p>\n \u201cAlmost ten years.\u00a0\u00a0At first he was just supposed to be a year or so in Boston\u2014his grandpa, his mama\u2019s pa, was dyin\u2019\u00a0and Adam went to help out, get his grandpa\u2019s affairs in order.\u00a0\u00a0While he was there, though, he met up with a couple friends from college who were talkin\u2019 about Australia.\u00a0\u00a0They\u2019ve got gold down there, and his friends figured there\u2019d be opportunity for engineers.\u00a0\u00a0They heard about Adam\u2019s experience with the silver mines here, workin\u2019 with Philip Deidesheimer on support structures like he did, and they asked him along.\u201d<\/i><\/p>\n \u201cAnd he went.\u201d<\/i><\/p>\n \u201cWell sure.\u00a0 Who\u00a0could blame him\u2014who wouldn\u2019t want to see Australia?\u00a0\u00a0And anyway, it\u2019s\u00a0the kinda thing Adam likes, he\u2019s always had designs for somethin\u2019 on scraps of paper all over the house.\u00a0\u00a0He and Pa wrote back and forth for a while, but there was never any real question about him goin\u2019.\u00a0Things were in hand here at the ranch, there was no reason he couldn\u2019t take off for a while.\u00a0\u00a0He signed on for six years after his grandpa was gone and they headed out.\u00a0\u00a0Ended up in the Ballarat gold fields\u2014southern Australia\u2014doin\u2019 pretty well for themselves.\u201d<\/i><\/p>\n \u201cIt has been longer than six years.\u201d<\/i><\/p>\n \u201cYeah.\u00a0\u00a0Yeah, it has.\u00a0\u00a0He was real good about writin\u2019 for all that time, but then at the end all of a sudden the letters stopped.\u00a0\u00a0We haven\u2019t heard anything since \u2026 well, since right before Hoss \u2026\u201d<\/i><\/p>\n Joe had been worried for Adam, and then angry.\u00a0\u00a0He\u2019d grieved the possibility that his eldest brother, too, had been killed somehow\u2014though surely someone would have sent them word.\u00a0\u00a0He\u2019d grieved the possibility that his eldest brother hadn\u2019t\u00a0wanted<\/i>\u00a0to come home home\u2014though surely Adam would have given them some sort of warning.\u00a0\u00a0He\u2019d grieved for his pa, who didn\u2019t need this kind of uncertainty about his firstborn on top of the loss of his middle son.<\/p>\n He\u2019d grieved for Hoss.\u00a0\u00a0He\u2019d grieved for Alice and their baby.<\/p>\n He\u2019d withdrawn.\u00a0\u00a0It was all \u2026 too much.<\/p>\n That was over now.\u00a0\u00a0Partially.\u00a0\u00a0This<\/i>\u00a0Joe Cartwright didn\u2019t seem to need\u2014or want\u2014the social crush on which he had thrived in his previous life (it was the closest description he could find for the divide between then and now), but he\u00a0did<\/i>\u00a0still want his big brother.\u00a0\u00a0He wasn\u2019t above telling Adam that.<\/p>\n Along with a few other things he\u2019d probably waited too long to get off of his chest.<\/p>\n Joe picked up the letter, balanced it for a long moment in his hands, then went to put it with the outgoing mail.<\/p>\n He found Ben still at his desk, nodding over the ledgers.\u00a0\u00a0Darkness had fallen several hours ago, Jamie\u2019s bedtime was come and gone, and the rest of the house stood silent except for the crackling of the fire in the hearth.\u00a0\u00a0His pa sat back as Joe approached.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cI thought you were asleep.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNah.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0Joe motioned to a neat stack at the outer corner.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cThis the mail to go into town?\u201d<\/p>\n Ben nodded, and Joe dropped his letter on top.\u00a0\u00a0Seeing the address his pa\u2019s eyebrow rose, and Joe offered a wry grin before crossing to the liquor cabinet and pulling out the good brandy with two glasses.\u00a0\u00a0Ben stood, bemused.\u00a0\u00a0He studied his son, then drifted over to his red chair by the fire.\u00a0\u00a0Joe met him with one of the glasses, but rather than retiring to the settee with his own drink, he sat on the edge of the low table, staring into the fire.\u00a0\u00a0After a silent moment, Ben joined him.<\/p>\n \u201cI don\u2019t know how you did it three times,\u201d Joe ventured.<\/p>\n It was the first time since Alice that Joe himself had raised the subject of Ben\u2019s losses.\u00a0\u00a0Ben took a long breath and a quick drink.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cNot well, certainly.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0He smiled distantly.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cNot as well as I would have wanted, anyway.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWell.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0Joe laughed softly, without humor.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cThat makes two of us.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0Ben studied him from the corner of his eye.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cI\u2019m \u2026 sorry, Pa.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAbout what, Joseph?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAll of it.\u00a0\u00a0The past months.\u00a0\u00a0I know I\u2019m not the only one havin\u2019 a hard time, but I just \u2026\u201d\u00a0\u00a0He shook his head, and took a deep sip of brandy.<\/p>\n Ben stretched his feet toward the fire.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cI held on too tight, after each of your mothers.\u00a0\u00a0I held onto my dream with Elizabeth, when it should have waited a few years.\u00a0\u00a0I held onto my dream with Inger, with two young sons who needed more from me than the Sierra wilds.\u00a0\u00a0I held onto my memories of your mother Marie, when you and your brothers needed me to live with you in the present.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0He absently circled the rim of his glass with one finger.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cI held onto my sons too tightly, even after I had raised you to be strong, good, independent men.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0Joe looked around, surprised by his father\u2019s admission of this long-unspoken tension.\u00a0\u00a0Ben offered a dry half smile.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cI held on too tight.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI pushed everybody away.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cMaybe.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0Ben shrugged.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cBut I think maybe you\u2019ve been spending your energy holding onto Hoss, and onto Alice and your child.\u00a0\u00a0There just hasn\u2019t been any\u00a0left\u00a0for the living.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe nodded slowly, testing the idea.\u00a0\u00a0His\u00a0pa\u2019s words had the ring of truth.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cYeah.\u00a0\u00a0You might be right.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben\u00a0ruffled his son\u2019s tangled curls, then drew Joe\u2019s head down and pressed a gentle kiss onto his temple.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cTake it from an old hand, son.\u00a0\u00a0It\u2019s an easy mistake to make.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYeah.\u201d<\/p>\n They sat silently together, staring into the flames.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Chapter Seven<\/strong><\/p>\n \u201cHow is Jamie?\u201d<\/p>\n He hadn\u2019t heard Lina approach, so intent was he on the door across the road.\u00a0\u00a0Joe looked around to find her leaning against the livery beside him, a half-full shopping basket at her feet.\u00a0\u00a0Joe shook his head thoughtfully, returning his scowl to the harness maker\u2019s entrance.<\/p>\n \u201cHard to tell.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOh?\u201d she nudged gently.\u00a0\u00a0Joe sighed and removed his hat, wiping the sweat from his hair and forehead before resettling it and kicking aimlessly at the wall behind.<\/p>\n \u201cHe ain\u2019t been talking much.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThe death of a friend is a hard thing, especially at Jamie\u2019s age.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYeah.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0He knew that well, and from experience.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cBut with all the rest of it thrown on top \u2026\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cIndeed.\u201d<\/p>\n The death of young Sonny Mueller had hit the community hard, but the subsequent trial of an out-of-work drifter and the admission by Jamie and his friends of an accidental death during a club initiation was what had really set Virginia City to talking.\u00a0\u00a0The gossip still hadn\u2019t completely died down, even weeks later.\u00a0\u00a0Joe would have been reluctant to bring Jamie into town with him, except that the boy was in school every day and had probably already heard it all (and more).<\/p>\n Joe shrugged.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cNone of \u2018em have been talkin\u2019 much to each other, except at school.\u00a0\u00a0I mean, most of the boys are bein\u2019 kept close to home anyway, and you know the Widow Hawkins took in Ted Hoag after all was said and done, so he\u2019s more than occupied.\u201d They shared a brief, dry smile. \u201cBut \u2026 well, I don\u2019t know about the others, but it\u2019s like Jamie doesn\u2019t really even care.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0He rubbed at his neck.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cNo, he does care, but \u2026 right now he doesn’t seem to want anything but just to be at home, and I don\u2019t know if that\u2019s a problem startin\u2019 or if he\u2019s just gettin\u2019 his feet back under him.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0He kicked at the wall again.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cThing like this, you never know how it\u2019ll all shake out in the end.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhat does your father think?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cBout the same. He says we should just leave Jamie alone for a while, let him work things out in his own head.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou don\u2019t agree?\u201d<\/p>\n Perceptive woman, Lina Marquez.\u00a0\u00a0Always.<\/p>\n \u201cI ain\u2019t been too much help with Jamie lately, don\u2019t know if I have that right.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0A brief snort rose from beside him, and Joe grinned faintly.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cBut no, I don\u2019t.\u00a0\u00a0I think he\u2019s been alone too much already.\u201d And for longer than just this business with the club.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cJamie\u2019s an independent kid, but \u2026 I don\u2019t want him to feel like he ain\u2019t important.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0Regret swirled alongside worry, and Joe welcomed them.\u00a0\u00a0Until very recently he hadn\u2019t been feeling anything outside of his own pain and hurt.\u00a0\u00a0It was good to concentrate on somebody else\u2019s needs, to be able to pull together the focus to think what might be best for Jamie instead of just sleepwalk through his little brother\u2019s crisis.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cPa\u2019s always been more hands-off with Jamie than he was with the rest of us.\u00a0\u00a0Don\u2019t know if he\u2019s trying not to repeat past mistakes, or if he\u2019s just older and sees things different now, or what \u2026 but I don\u2019t think right now\u2019s a time for hands-off.\u201d<\/p>\n It was \u2026 hard, yes.\u00a0\u00a0Sonny Mueller\u2019s tragic death\u2014a kid Jamie\u2019s age who\u2019d had everything to live for\u2014reminded him enough of Alice and of Hoss that what he\u2019d really wanted when they\u2019d heard was to go hide in a line shack and sleep for the next week.\u00a0\u00a0He\u00a0hadn\u2019t<\/i>, though, and this thing with Jamie now \u2026 it wasn\u2019t overwhelming.<\/p>\n He was proud of that.\u00a0\u00a0He was proud of\u00a0himself<\/i>, for the first time in a long time.<\/p>\n And he knew what he intended to do, even if it was hard enough to rip his heart right out of his chest.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat does your father say to this?\u00a0\u00a0Or have you \u2026\u201d<\/p>\n He didn\u2019t notice, not at first.\u00a0\u00a0He was busy turning it all over in his head.\u00a0\u00a0Again.\u00a0\u00a0It was a good idea, on second and even third thought, and it didn\u2019t go directly against Ben\u2019s word on the matter.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cI\u2019m not gonna try and push\u2014Pa or Jamie.\u00a0\u00a0But I think if I \u2026\u201d\u00a0\u00a0Lina\u2019s abrupt silence finally caught up to him, and Joe looked down at her.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cWhat\u2019s wrong?\u201d<\/p>\n Lina shook herself, pulling her gaze away from somewhere down the street.\u00a0\u00a0Joe eyed the area, but saw nothing out of place.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cI\u2019m sorry.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0She turned a smile up on him, and it was tight.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cBut I\u2019ve remembered an errand that can\u2019t wait.\u00a0\u00a0I need to go.\u201d<\/p>\n She reached for her basket, but he caught her arm.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cLina.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0She looked away.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cAre you sure it\u2019s nothing?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYes, of course.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0Lina pushed loose hair back into her braid.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cI\u2019m sorry, I only \u2026 I forgot that I promised Se\u00f1or Hirschel an extra batch of polvorones for his wife.\u00a0\u00a0He\u2019ll be leaving soon.\u201d<\/p>\n That didn\u2019t \u2026 sound right.\u00a0\u00a0It was plausible, but it didn\u2019t match her eyes.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cWhat aren\u2019t you tellin\u2019 me?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cJoe.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0She gripped his wrist.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cTruly, you need not worry.\u00a0\u00a0Look.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0Lina nodded toward the harness maker\u2019s, where Jamie had just exited.\u00a0\u00a0The boy saw them and started across.\u00a0\u00a0When Joe looked back to his side Lina was already gone, crossing toward the far boardwalk.\u00a0\u00a0He growled in frustration.\u00a0\u00a0Almost as if she\u2019d heard him, she looked back, smiled, and waved.\u00a0\u00a0Joe clapped his brother\u2019s bony shoulder as Jamie joined him, and swore that he was going to get to the bottom of this.\u00a0\u00a0Soon.\u00a0\u00a0Lina had been putting him off for long enough. At the very least, even if she still wasn\u2019t ready to share everything, he had to know if he needed to be worried for her.<\/p>\n He had already lost too much.<\/p>\n \u201cJoe?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cSorry.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0Joe looked back to Jamie, readjusting his thoughts for this conversation.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cYou ready?\u00a0\u00a0Any problems with the order?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYep, and nope.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0Jamie offered a faint grin.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cPretty routine.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYeah, but so was the last one.\u201d<\/p>\n They both winced.\u00a0\u00a0Ben had been \u2026 displeased, when the buggy harness started shredding again two weeks after its return.\u00a0\u00a0No one wanted a repeat of that.<\/p>\n \u201cWell, Mr. Andrews wouldn\u2019t be tellin\u2019 me that kinda thing ahead of time, would he?\u201d<\/p>\n Joe snickered.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cGuess not.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0He nodded to the livery.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cLet\u2019s go.\u00a0\u00a0I\u2019ve got something I want to show you on the way home.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYeah?\u201d Jamie brightened a bit, and Joe was glad to see it.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cWhat is it?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou just get your horse.\u00a0\u00a0You\u2019ll find out when we get there.\u201d<\/p>\n It wasn\u2019t as painful as he\u2019d thought it might be, riding up to the overlook, but even so it was hard breathin\u2019 when they topped the final rise and looked out over the miles of hills and trees and sun-washed valley below.\u00a0\u00a0Jamie gaped and slid off Cinnamon, climbing right onto the very rock where Joe and Hoss had spent so many years gazing out over their own little bit of heaven. Where he had sat with Alice and told her about his brother Hoss.<\/p>\n It hurt, but it was time.\u00a0\u00a0He wasn\u2019t going to lose this place, too.<\/p>\n \u201cMe and Hoss used to come here.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0He climbed up beside Jamie and dropped down, stretching.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cWe, uh \u2026 we called it our happy place.\u00a0\u00a0I brought Alice here too sometimes.\u00a0\u00a0Nobody else, though.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0His brother sat beside him, eyes still fixed on the patchwork spread below.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cI mean, I guess Pa and Adam have probably been here, but I never came here with them.\u00a0\u00a0Only Hoss and Alice.\u00a0\u00a0And now you.\u201d<\/p>\n The wind gusted, buffeting him as surely as a playful knock from his big brother, and Joe\u2019s own heart leaped.\u00a0\u00a0Yes.\u00a0\u00a0This was right.\u00a0\u00a0He snuck a glance at Jamie and caught his little brother wiping away a tear.\u00a0\u00a0Jamie saw him looking and dropped his hand.<\/p>\n \u201cSorry.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cDon\u2019t.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0Joe caught the boy\u2019s arm.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cDon\u2019t do that. You got a right, same as anybody.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0Another tear rolled, and Joe sighed.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cI\u2019m sorry I wasn\u2019t here.\u201d<\/p>\n Jamie shook his head.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cNot your fault you guys were gone.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI don\u2019t mean just that.\u201d<\/p>\n His little brother sucked in a deep, shaky breath.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cI know it\u2019s not \u2026 but … I miss<\/i>\u00a0them, Joe.\u201d<\/p>\n Them<\/i>.\u00a0\u00a0Not just Hoss, but Alice too.<\/p>\n Of course Alice.\u00a0\u00a0His wife had been family to more than just him.<\/p>\n \u201cYeah.\u00a0\u00a0Me too.\u201d<\/p>\n He hooked an arm around the fuzzy red head, and pulled the boy close, and they cried together for a good while\u2014just the two of them, on the overlook with Hoss and Alice.\u00a0\u00a0It \u2026 helped.\u00a0\u00a0Joe felt lighter when they had finished, instead of emptier.\u00a0\u00a0Jamie sighed, still burrowed up against him.<\/p>\n \u201cDon\u2019t know why this stuff\u2019s gotta happen.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cDon\u2019t think anybody does.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0Joe rubbed at the thin arm.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cYou thinkin\u2019 about Sonny?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYeah.\u00a0\u00a0Well, Sonny and Ted.\u201d<\/p>\n Ted? It was an opening, and he took it.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cWhat about Ted?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWell … it’s just that, I know he was scared, Joe.\u00a0\u00a0He\u2019s got no family and thought he was alone.\u00a0\u00a0I get that. I been there before.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0Jamie shivered, and reached up to flip his collar.\u00a0\u00a0Joe doubted the kid was really cold, but let it pass. \u201cBut I told<\/i>\u00a0him we\u2019d be there for him, that it wasn\u2019t right not to tell Sheriff Coffee but we\u2019d all be in it together.\u00a0\u00a0And it ain\u2019t just that he didn\u2019t believe me.\u00a0\u00a0When we said we were gonna tell he\u2019d get\u00a0so<\/i> mad, and say all kinds of things. And then when we said we weren’t going to he\u2019d get all friendly again. I just \u2026\u201d\u00a0\u00a0His brother shrugged.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cI don\u2019t know.\u00a0\u00a0I feel \u2026 kinda used, I guess?\u201d\u00a0\u00a0Jamie tensed, glancing up quickly.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cHe\u2019s still my friend, though, I ain\u2019t\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHold on.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0Joe hadn\u2019t heard this part of the story.\u00a0\u00a0As far as he knew, nobody had.\u00a0\u00a0Jamie hadn\u2019t been too forthcoming about what he and his friends had gone through after Sonny\u2019s death, even when sketching out the facts for Ben and later the judge. \u201cYou don’t need to defend Ted to me.” Not right now, anyway.<\/em> “But it sounds like you need to get some things off your chest, so you just say what you need to. I won’t try to tell you how to feel about anybody, okay?\u201d\u00a0 That was a sure way to lose the boy.\u00a0 Would have been a sure way to lose him<\/em>, too.<\/p>\n Jamie hesitated, then gingerly resettled.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cYeah.\u00a0\u00a0Yeah, I \u2026”\u00a0 He ducked his head, and offered a relieved grin. “Thanks Joe.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAny time, little brother.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0Joe let out a long breath. It didn\u2019t hurt anymore. \u201cAny time.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Chapter Eight<\/strong><\/p>\n It was early yet when he and Candy trotted into town the next morning\u2014they\u2019d been up and on the road at first light.\u00a0\u00a0Candy, who had the day off and was headed into town for a shave, a haircut, and some courtin\u2019 with Miss Ester May Bradshaw, had been surprised to find Joe waiting, but had accepted the explanation of follow-up business with a shrug and a grin. The ride in was silent and peaceful \u2026 or, it would have been if Joe could keep his mind off Lina.<\/p>\n The more he thought about it, the more he didn\u2019t like their exchange at the livery, and he wished now he would have stuck around and made an issue of things.\u00a0\u00a0Well, no \u2026 he\u2019d had Jamie to look after.\u00a0\u00a0Given all the talkin\u2019 the kid had done on the overlook, and then to Ben again when they\u2019d got home, Joe\u2019s plan had been exactly the right thing.\u00a0\u00a0Still, he wouldn\u2019t be comfortable until he found Lina and got to the bottom of whatever had upset her yesterday.<\/p>\n One thing was sure, it hadn\u2019t been \u2018nothing\u2019.<\/p>\n They were turning toward the livery when Clem stepped out of the sheriff\u2019s office buckling his gun belt. He saw them and waved them over.\u00a0\u00a0Joe and Candy changed direction, coming to a halt outside the familiar building.<\/p>\n \u201cClem.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0Joe nodded.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cHow\u2019s city life?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOh, it keeps a man from getting bored.\u201d Clem exchanged a nod with Candy.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cLook, I\u2019d be obliged if you two could keep an eye open while you\u2019re here.\u201d<\/p>\n Candy quirked a smile.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cBad guys?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYep. We heard the Marquez brothers might be in town\u2014what\u2019s left of \u2018em, anyway.\u00a0\u00a0The one got killed a while back holdin\u2019 up a stage outside of some little town down south, but the other two shot up everything else and they\u2019re wanted for \u2026\u201d<\/p>\n It didn\u2019t matter what else Clem said, because Joe wasn\u2019t listening anymore. Everything had fallen into bright, startling place, and he didn\u2019t even realize he had hauled Cochise around and raced for the Continental until he was outside the big front door.\u00a0\u00a0He slid down, tossed the reins over the hitching post, and ran around back.\u00a0\u00a0Candy appeared as he stopped outside the little bakery.<\/p>\n \u201cClem\u2019s comin\u2019. What\u2019s\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThey were here.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0The words tore from Joe\u2019s throat as he spotted the door hanging open, the trays and supplies scattered around the room.<\/p>\n No.\u00a0\u00a0No, no, not again \u2026<\/i><\/p>\n His brain shook itself and then kicked in hard.\u00a0\u00a0Lina might not have been here when this happened\u2014but she should be here now.<\/p>\n She should be, but she wasn\u2019t.<\/p>\n Joe forced away the roaring that was building in his ears.\u00a0\u00a0He was\u00a0not<\/i>\u00a0going to fail someone else that he cared about, not again.\u00a0\u00a0Think, Cartwright!<\/i>\u00a0He didn\u2019t know where Lina stayed, but he could make a guess. Joe bolted back down the alley, through an open gate, over a fence.\u00a0\u00a0Candy\u2019s lithe form kept pace, at his back without question, and he could hear Clem\u2019s boots behind them.\u00a0\u00a0Around another saloon, past a mercantile and a blacksmith, behind a set of storage sheds \u2026 and into the Mexican quarter.\u00a0\u00a0He remembered the little store where they had bought hot chocolate ingredients well enough, maybe they would know where\u2014<\/p>\n \u201cSe\u00f1or Cartwright!\u201d The proprietor met him on the front steps, but Joe could already see the disturbance down the street.\u00a0\u00a0A group of women in various states of night attire, draped in shawls and coats that were (in some cases) obviously not their own, hovered across the road from what looked like a boarding house.\u00a0\u00a0Several men carrying rifles stood with them, eyeing the building warily. Joe was too far away to catch any of their conversation, but the tone of rapid distress was clear. A tight grip clutched his elbow as Clem arrived, and Joe squeezed the elderly se\u00f1ora\u2019s hand before gently disentangling himself and drifting toward the scene. Candy kept close to his side.\u00a0\u00a0Behind him, the proprietor spoke anxiously to Clem.<\/p>\n \u201cCartwright!\u201d the deputy\u2019s voice snapped behind him, but Joe was in no mood to listen.<\/p>\n This would not happen again.<\/p>\n They stopped beside one of the riflemen, and Joe nodded across the road.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cWhat\u2019s goin\u2019 on?\u201d<\/p>\n A woman answered.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cI was preparing breakfast\u2014many of my boarders must be out to their work before the sun rises\u2014when two men came.\u00a0\u00a0They pounded on the door, and I told them to go away.\u00a0\u00a0I have only women staying, no men need come in the night.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0She shuddered, and gripped her wrap more tightly.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cOne said he would shoot through the window if I did not let them in.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0Dark eyes begged for understanding.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cHow could I say no?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cCourse you couldn\u2019t,\u201d Candy soothed, touching her elbow briefly.\u00a0\u00a0She offered a pale smile in return, and Joe shifted impatiently.<\/p>\n \u201cThey shouted when they entered, woke everyone, made all the ladies come out to the kitchen.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0She ran a trembling hand along her braid, shot through with gray.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cWhen Lina Marquez came one of them started toward her, but \u2026\u201d The woman shook her head.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cI keep a rifle in the corner, and Lina was close enough to reach it.\u00a0\u00a0The men backed away, but they won\u2019t go!\u00a0\u00a0They have all three been there all morning, none going anywhere.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0She eyed her companions.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cAt least they let the rest of us leave.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe\u2019s chest ached, the anger burning fierce and cold.\u00a0\u00a0She had been afraid\u2014he had always known Lina was afraid, and he had let her put him off, and now \u2026<\/p>\n No<\/i>.\u00a0\u00a0This would not happen again.<\/p>\n \u201cAre they watchin\u2019 the road?\u201d<\/p>\n Clem arrived in their huddle just in time to hear the answer.<\/p>\n \u201cOne of them is, or was.\u201d A man motioned with his rifle toward the small front window, barely enough for more than a single person to see through.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cWe tried to go across once, but shots were fired.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOkay.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0Clem nodded.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cFirst we need to get everybody cleared out of here.\u00a0\u00a0We\u2019ll\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019ll go around back, see if I can get in that way.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou stay here!\u201d Clem snapped.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cWe\u2019re not going to make things worse by\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m not gonna get her shot.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0Joe exchanged a glare with the deputy, then added, \u201cSomebody\u2019s gotta go, Clem.\u00a0\u00a0How else do you plan to get in there?\u201d<\/p>\n He was going no matter what Clem said, but it would be better all around if the deputy wasn\u2019t fighting him on it.<\/p>\n Clem growled softly, glowering across the road.\u00a0\u00a0He and the Cartwrights didn\u2019t always see eye to eye about these types of situations, but they had been in plenty together and he knew them for good backup.\u00a0\u00a0He also had to know that Joe was right\u2014there weren\u2019t many other options, except for backing off and letting the Marquez brothers get away, possibly with their intended target.<\/p>\n \u201cFine.\u201d Clem shook his head.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cGo around, but don\u2019t<\/i> get caught.\u00a0\u00a0I\u2019ll try to get them talking from here–I’ll signal if I need you.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0He sighed.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cCanaday, you go along, make sure he doesn\u2019t get himself<\/i>\u00a0shot.\u201d<\/p>\n Candy tipped his hat, then swung around to follow Joe, who was already vanishing behind a nearby saloon.\u00a0\u00a0Behind them, Clem\u2019s voice rang out.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cYou men in there, this is Deputy Foster! Let\u2019s talk!\u201d\u00a0\u00a0Joe and Candy made a wide circle around, so that when they finally crossed the street there would be no chance that anyone inside the boarding house could see them.\u00a0\u00a0They slowed as the house appeared, crouched, and approached on soft feet.\u00a0\u00a0Locating a window low enough to the ground that they wouldn\u2019t have too much trouble climbing through, Joe ducked up against the house and waited for Candy to join him.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat\u2019s inside?\u201d Candy hissed.<\/p>\n \u201cBedroom.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cLocked?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cGuess we\u2019ll find out.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0Joe nudged at the sliding glass, holding his breath.\u00a0\u00a0Luck was with them\u2014nothing caught, and the window was smooth enough in its track that the noise wouldn\u2019t be heard all the way into the kitchen.\u00a0\u00a0He exchanged a brief grin with Candy, then ducked through into the little room. Candy followed, noiseless as a cat, and they crossed to the partially open door.<\/p>\n To the left, the hall led to more doorways of the same type.\u00a0\u00a0To the right, it ran about twenty feet before opening into a wider area that had to be the kitchen.\u00a0\u00a0Joe pulled his pistol and stepped out, placing his feet carefully.\u00a0\u00a0He was glad of that precaution when one of the floorboards started to creak beneath his weight.\u00a0\u00a0He pulled back quickly, then stepped across to the opposite side, relieved when it seemed more solid. Joe crept along the wall, stopping when he caught sight of a man with a rifle standing at the little window.\u00a0\u00a0Candy\u2019s shoulder was solid at his back. Joe looked around, and Candy raised one eyebrow. Joe shook his head.<\/p>\n He couldn\u2019t see Lina, or the second brother.\u00a0\u00a0They weren\u2019t close enough.<\/p>\n \u201cYou can\u2019t keep this up forever!\u201d Clem\u2019s voice rose from the outside.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cThe sheriff\u2019s comin\u2019, and he\u2019s bringing more men! We\u2019ll have this place surrounded!\u201d<\/p>\n Was Clem bluffing, or had he sent someone back for Roy? It was hard to tell. Anyway, the Marquez brothers seemed unmoved by the threat\u2014neither bothered to respond\u2014which in Joe\u2019s experience was generally a bad sign. He edged a few steps closer, and laid eyes on the second brother. The man was leaning against the far counter, holding a pistol on the back wall. Lina must be there. For a moment the desire to see her, to know that she was unharmed, was so strong that Joe very nearly bolted out of hiding to jump the man right there.<\/p>\n That was an awful idea, and could very well get them all killed. Joe settled back, and forced a long breath out through his nose, and waited.\u00a0\u00a0They would get their chance. The Marquez brothers would let their guard down, even if only for a second, and he would be ready.<\/p>\n He wished he could see Lina, though. He wished she knew they were there.<\/p>\n \u201cYou\u2019ve already got enough trouble. Come on out before things get any worse for you!\u201d<\/p>\n The one with the pistol snorted.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cI think they can only hang us once.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI think I would not like to be hanged at all,\u201d the one at the window mumbled, craning his neck to peer up the road.<\/p>\n \u201cI think you might have thought of that long ago.\u201d<\/p>\n Lina\u2019s voice, acidic and fatigued and blessedly alive, sent a rush of relief through Joe even though he had already known she wasn\u2019t seriously hurt. They would none of them still be here if she had dropped the rifle. Candy\u2019s hand fell briefly on his shoulder, and Joe tossed back a quick grin.<\/p>\n \u201cKeep quiet, woman.\u201d<\/p>\n An indelicate snort greeted that, and Joe stifled a chuckle. It really wasn\u2019t funny, not now.<\/p>\n \u201cWe can stay out here all day!\u201d<\/p>\n The one with the pistol shifted and settled back, stretching his legs one by one. \u201cIt\u2019s true, you know.\u201d He lifted an eyebrow toward Lina. \u201cThe longer we are here, the more likely someone will be hurt.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThen leave,\u201d she snapped.<\/p>\n \u201cAre you agreeing to come quietly?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhat do you think?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThen we are back at the beginning, no?\u201d<\/p>\n Not quite.\u00a0\u00a0Not with him and Candy here in the hallway, ready to strike.\u00a0\u00a0Marquez number two was right, though\u2014the longer this kept up, the better were the chances of somebody being hurt, either on purpose or by accident. And the longer he and Candy crouched here in plain sight, the better were the chances that one of the Marquez brothers would notice them. If they stayed where they were, that probably wouldn\u2019t take more than a couple of minutes.<\/p>\n Crap<\/i>.<\/p>\n Joe eyed the room. The kitchen was well-kept, scrubbed and swept clean. Not much lay scattered around.\u00a0\u00a0The table was between him and Marquez number two, an extra obstacle. If he could reach one of the chairs …<\/p>\n Candy nudged him, motioning with his chin. Just inside the doorway, almost out of Joe\u2019s sight, a broom leaned against the wall.\u00a0\u00a0Joe sat back on his heels.\u00a0\u00a0It wouldn’t do much damage on its own, but any projectile was generally enough to make a man flinch, no matter how much weight it carried.\u00a0\u00a0It was enough\u2014he could work with it.\u00a0\u00a0Joe nodded, then pointed to himself and Marquez number two, leaving Candy the brother at the window.\u00a0\u00a0Candy slowly shifted from his crouch.<\/p>\n Clem would murder them both, probably with his bare hands.<\/p>\n Marquez number one spotted them.\u00a0\u00a0“Hey!” he shouted, and Joe lunged.<\/p>\n A pistol barked behind him. Praying that Lina would take cover, Joe seized the broom and flung it over the table. As he’d hoped, Marquez number two ducked automatically, which left him unable to avoid Joe\u2019s tackle. Staggering and swearing\u2014not Candy\u2019s voice. Shouts from out in the street. Joe punched his man twice in the jaw, took one in the ribs and a boot to the knee, and delivered a hook that snapped his opponent’s head into the counter.\u00a0\u00a0As the man sagged, he heard Candy’s sharp, “Uh uh, back off now.” Marquez number one eased back from his fallen rifle, clutching a bleeding arm. Candy kicked it away, pistol steady on his opponent’s chest.\u00a0\u00a0Joe heaved a long breath, then released his hold on Marquez number two’s shirt and quirked a grin.<\/p>\n “Guess that wasn’t so bad.”<\/p>\n “Cartwright!” Clem’s voice bellowed from the door.<\/p>\n Candy’s wide smile flashed.\u00a0\u00a0“I think the bad part’s still comin’.”<\/p>\n “Joe?”\u00a0\u00a0Joe whipped around in time to see Lina scramble up from the floor.\u00a0\u00a0She was unsteady and disheveled, fatigue etched deep into her face, but somehow she had also never looked better. Lina gaped at Joe, then at Candy. “What are you doing here? You could have been killed!”<\/p>\n “You could\u00a0all<\/i>\u00a0have been killed!” Clem snarled, banging into the room.<\/p>\n “We weren’t,” Joe snapped. Lina hugged her arms around herself\u2014a gesture so unlike the woman he knew that Joe forgot about arguing with the deputy. “Hey.” Joe gentled his voice, reaching for her elbow. She moved away, and he tried to catch her eyes. “Are you okay?”<\/p>\n “Didn’t have much choice, Clem,” Candy added, stepping back as several more men entered, rifles still at the ready. Joe hoped nobody else got shot in the confusion. “They saw us.”<\/p>\n “What part of\u00a0don’t<\/i>\u00a0let them see you wasn’t clear?”<\/p>\n Candy sighed. “Weren’t many places to hide.”<\/p>\n “You could have been killed.” Lina’s voice shook.<\/p>\n “But we weren’t.” Joe stepped in front of her, trying to shield her in the increasingly crowded little room. For all her cheerful sociability, Lina Marquez was a private person who didn\u2019t enjoy too much attention. With the adrenaline starting to fade, Joe\u2019s own fear and frustration surged again. Now wasn\u2019t the time, though. He forced a smile. “Are you okay? Did they hurt you?”<\/p>\n She shook her head, eyes still fixed on some point near the floor. \u201cNeither laid a finger on me.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cGood for you.\u201d His grin widened, real this time.<\/p>\n Lina\u2019s rigid carriage relaxed just a touch. \u201cWhat are you doing here?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cSaw Clem when Candy and I rode in this morning.\u00a0\u00a0He told us the Marquez brothers had been seen around town\u2014\u201d her gaze flickered up, startled, \u201c\u2014and I put it together. Figured you were in trouble, came looking.\u201d<\/p>\n Long fingers pressed over her mouth. \u201cI didn\u2019t think you were coming back until the weekend.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYeah, well \u2026 seemed like something was wrong yesterday.\u00a0\u00a0I was worried.\u201d<\/p>\n Finally, her eyes met his. A bright sheen began to pool there, and Joe cursed silently. It wasn\u2019t right for Lina to be crying in front of all these people \u2026<\/p>\n \u201cMiss Marquez?\u201d He was almost glad to hear Clem\u2019s voice. The deputy touched his hat to Lina, cast a neutral glance in Joe\u2019s direction\u2014he and Candy weren\u2019t exactly out of the doghouse, but there was a job to do\u2014and continued. \u201cWe\u2019re gonna need to talk about all this.\u201d Clem grimaced apologetically. \u201cNow, I can do that here and now, let some of the boys take these two in,\u201d he motioned to where Candy and several others were herding the brothers out the door, Joe\u2019s opponent still distinctly shaky on his feet, \u201cor you can get cleaned up and rested, then come down sometime later today or tomorrow.\u201d<\/p>\n Lina straightened, a hint of her usual poise returning. \u201cNot here, please.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cCourse, ma\u2019am.\u201d Clem tipped his hat again. \u201cWe\u2019ll talk in a while, then.\u201d He leveled a sideways glance at Joe. \u201cI\u2019ll be talkin\u2019 to you too.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe quirked a grin. \u201cI look forward to it.\u201d<\/p>\n Clem snorted, and disappeared after his prisoners. Lina shifted. \u201cHe is angry with you.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWe didn\u2019t really talk out that last part.\u201d<\/p>\n She huffed a quick, uneven breath. \u201cYou could have been killed.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cSo could you.\u201d Joe pinned her with a hard gaze. \u201cAnd I ain\u2019t letting anybody else I care about get hurt or killed, not if I have any chance to stop it.\u201d<\/p>\n Lina\u2019s eyes widened briefly, and then she touched his wrist\u2014the first contact she had allowed since this whole thing started. \u201cI am sorry, I did not think.\u201d<\/p>\n Anger flared. \u201cDon\u2019t be sorry. This sure ain\u2019t about me. But don\u2019t be mad either, because I\u2019d do it again.\u201d He smiled briefly, without humor. \u201cI don\u2019t do helpless, remember?\u201d<\/p>\n A distant smile played across her face, and Joe was relieved.<\/p>\n \u201cLina!\u201d<\/p>\n The women must have been cleared to return\u2014they rushed back into the kitchen, surrounding both Lina and Joe and speaking rapidly in Spanish. There was no mistaking either their concern or their blatant curiosity, and Lina’s tension returned. She stepped back, found herself trapped by the counter, and raised her hands.<\/p>\n \u201cPlease!\u00a0Por favor<\/i>!\u201d The din hardly subsided, but Lina pressed on in English. Apparently, she wanted Joe to understand. \u201cPlease, I must go into the sheriff\u2019s office to give a report on what has happened. Mr. Cartwright has agreed to escort me, so I must be ready quickly. I do not wish to inconvenience him.\u201d Pleading eyes sought him through the crowd, and Joe nodded. She would have to face them sometime\u2014she lived here, after all\u2014but it didn\u2019t have to be right now.<\/p>\n The ladies reluctantly parted to allow Lina through, and Joe found himself suddenly the undivided center of attention. Under the weight of their concerted gaze, he offered a tight smile and backed toward the doorway. \u201cI\u2019ll, uh \u2026 tell her I\u2019ll wait outside.\u201d Joe clapped his hat onto his head, turned, and fled the scene.<\/p>\n Lina joined him shortly, her dress fresh and hair rebraided. For a long while silence went with them, comfortable for their familiarity but not for the subject between them. Joe fought with himself over it, but he finally couldn\u2019t help the question.<\/p>\n The accusation.<\/p>\n \u201cIt was them you saw yesterday, wasn\u2019t it?\u201d<\/p>\n She hesitated, then nodded. He waited, but Lina didn\u2019t seem inclined to offer anything further.<\/p>\n He wasn\u2019t ready to let it go.<\/p>\n \u201cWhy didn\u2019t you tell me?\u201d She bit her lip, looking away. \u201cI\u00a0asked<\/i>\u00a0you what was wrong, right then! Why did you lie about it?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cBecause I have seen them around every corner, dozens of time since I have come here!\u201d Lina snapped, her voice frustrated and thick. \u201cI was afraid they would come, afraid they would follow, and so my mind produced them at every opportunity.\u201d She swiped angrily at her wet eyes. \u201cHad I bothered someone every time I thought I spotted one of my husband\u2019s brothers down the street or through a doorway, the town would by now think me entirely mad!\u201d A sob broke free, and then another. Joe rounded on her, pulled her close, and let her cry.<\/p>\n He should have made her tell him sooner.<\/p>\n Joe wanted to scold her for ignoring her very real fears, for keeping this danger all to herself. He wanted to make her promise that she would tell him first thing if she ever felt unsafe again. He wanted to demand whether she didn\u2019t understand what it would do to him, to lose someone else he loved to something so senseless and violent.<\/p>\n It wasn\u2019t the time, and it wasn\u2019t about him. Joe just stood and let her cry on him, in the middle of a back street between a saloon and a stable, both of whose inhabitants were probably laughing and watching to see what would happen next. He didn\u2019t care. If Lina needed to cry, this woman who had seen him through so much, he would be there for her.<\/p>\n \u201cMy mama died when I was very small, and my papa sent me to my grandmother to live.\u201d Joe could barely hear her, voice muffled as it was against his chest. She seemed content, though, and he didn\u2019t plan to ask her to speak up. \u201cI loved my grandmother. She raised and taught me, and I cared for her until her death. I would have gone to Maria\u2019s home then\u2014her mama and mine were sisters\u2014but Papa came to take me then.\u201d She shivered, and Joe ran a hand over her dark braid. \u201cJohn Walker allowed his men to do as they wished with the farmers in the area.\u201d John Walker. Everything evil in Los Robles went right back to him. Joe suppressed a growl. The man was a menace, and he was glad that they had ended his reign of terror. \u201cThey often demanded payment for safety\u2014money or \u2026 or wives.\u201d Anger flared, hot and deep. Joe clenched his jaw so hard he thought his teeth might break. He had faced men like these often enough\u2014petty thugs who ran roughshod over the lives of others simply because they could. \u201cMy father arranged that I should marry Diego Marquez in order that no man of John Walker\u2019s would burn his crops or slaughter his cows.\u201d She was still now, her voice soft and flat. Joe tightened his grip. \u201cHe was \u2026 Diego was \u2026\u201d Lina shuddered, and shook her head. \u201cNo. He is dead now.\u201d She blew out a long breath. \u201cWhen the Walkers were killed and his men no longer held such power in the town, Diego and his brothers and some others turned to robbing stages.\u201d Disdain colored her voice, and Joe was glad to hear some trace of his<\/i> Lina return. \u201cMy husband was killed, but his brothers shot all aboard and took everything. I knew that Juan would expect my father to give me to him now that Diego was dead,\u201d she shuddered again, deeply, \u201cand so I ran.\u201d Another long, slow breath. \u201cAnd here I am.\u201d<\/p>\n Here she was, and he was fiercely glad of it. Lina didn\u2019t deserve anything he had just heard. No woman did.<\/p>\n \u201cIs there anybody else who might come after you? Your pa, or any of the others?\u201d<\/p>\n Lina shook her head. \u201cPapa will not come. No one else will come.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe smoothed her braid again. \u201cThen you\u2019re safe now.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cSafe.\u201d She was silent for a long minute, then expelled a breathy\u00a0laugh. Her head was heavy and warm against his shoulder. \u201cI \u2026 yes. I think perhaps you are right.\u201d<\/p>\n He chuckled. \u201cSmart woman.\u201d<\/p>\n A damp snort drifted up, and Joe tightened his arms around her.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Chapter Nine<\/strong><\/p>\n “Hey. I have something I want you to carry.”<\/p>\n Lina’s eyebrows went up, but she kept on kneading as if nothing had been said. Joe didn’t blame her \u2014 he’d been a little abrupt. He’d been bulking up his arguments, gettin’ ready for a fight, the whole ride in, and that didn’t tend to leave much room for subtlety.<\/p>\n Not, Joe admitted, that he usually bothered too much with subtle.<\/p>\n Her eyebrows climbed higher. “Well?”<\/p>\n Joe shook himself. “Sorry, I \u2026” He grumbled beneath his breath, squared his shoulders, and set the little derringer on the counter between them. Lina’s mouth fell open. Joe pushed on. “I know you’re safe from your brothers-in-law now,”\u00a0and if you’d told me sooner, you might have been safe way before last week<\/i>, he didn’t add, “but this is Virginia City. Anything can happen, and it’s better to be prepared.”<\/p>\n She was already shaking her head. “Joe \u2026”<\/p>\n “Look,” Joe cut her off. “Lots of woman carry these for protection. If you’d had it last week-”<\/p>\n “I had the rifle last week.”<\/p>\n “But if you’d had\u00a0this<\/i>,” Joe pressed, “you wouldn’t have had to just hope that when they finally came, you’d be in grabbin’ distance of a firearm.” It still gave him chills, thinking what could have happened. “You’d have known you had this.”\u00a0And<\/i>\u00a0I’d\u00a0have<\/i>\u00a0known you had it.<\/i><\/p>\n He had argued with Alice about this – oh, they had fought. He had insisted, and his wife had refused, and nothing he had said or done could budge her. It had been one of the few battles in an otherwise peaceful marriage.<\/p>\n To this day he wondered \u2026<\/p>\n No. It would tear him apart to go back there again.<\/p>\n But he\u00a0would\u00a0<\/i>win this time.<\/p>\n “Look, this was my mama’s, and it’s not doing any good just laying there in a drawer. I’d rather have you-”<\/p>\n “Your mother’s?” Lina’s eyes widened, and she shook her head again. “Oh, but Joe. Your mother’s \u2026”<\/p>\n He shrugged. “If there’s anything I’ve learned the past couple of years, it’s that people are more important than things.” Lina’s gaze softened, just a bit, and Joe pressed his advantage. He wasn’t above guilting her into this. “And I don’t want to have to worry that I haven’t done everything I can for the people I care about. I’ve lost too much for that.”<\/p>\n Lina pursed her lips. She knew his ploy – he wasn’t fooling anybody here – but even so she was weakening.<\/p>\n “If you want, call it a loan.” Joe flashed his most charming grin. Lina rolled her eyes. “You hang onto it unless you decide to leave town. If that happens, you can give it back.” He faltered then, the idea never having really occurred to him. Now that it\u00a0had<\/i>\u00a0surfaced, he fiercely disliked it. “You’re not plannin’ on leaving town, are you?”<\/p>\n She huffed softly. “I am not. This is my home now.” Lina hesitated, then wiped her hands on her apron and reached for the little gun. It disappeared into the folds of her skirt, and she returned to her kneading. The tension drained from Joe’s body in a rush.<\/p>\n “Thank you.”<\/p>\n There was no way she could mistake the sincerity and relief in his voice. Lina smiled almost shyly. “Thank you for caring, Joselito.” Her grin turned impish, and her eyes sparkled. “Have some sachima. Tell me if I have yet approached Hop Sing.”<\/p>\n Joe cackled, even as he helped himself. “Hop Sing would murder me in my sleep if I ever said anything of the kind.” Her laughter rang alongside his, and he slumped into the single seat. “You know how to use it? The gun?”<\/p>\n Lina nodded, flipping her dough. “I do.”<\/p>\n Somehow, he’d expected she might.<\/p>\n ~.~.~.~.~.<\/p>\n Joe stepped onto the porch and took a long, deep breath of the pre-dawn air. The Mallory ranch house wasn\u2019t surrounded by trees as was the Ponderosa\u2019s, and he could see a long way across their grazing land even in the gray light. Things were still for now, but soon the animals and ranch hands both would be stirring and busy.<\/p>\n Everyone except the family themselves, who probably wouldn\u2019t be straying much past the yard for the next few days.<\/p>\n He turned his gaze away from the surrounding land, and despite the difficult night his mouth curved into a brief smile. Jamie sprawled on the nearby porch swing, head back and boots propped on the railing, emitting soft snoring sounds. Little Benny Harwood, the family\u2019s oldest child, was snuggled into Jamie\u2019s lap, deeply asleep and utterly limp. Beside them, her head resting on Jamie\u2019s bony shoulder, Lina curled within a borrowed quilt. He thought at first she was asleep too\u2014it had been a long night\u2014but when Joe looked again, Lina\u2019s dark eyes were upon him.<\/p>\n Joe stepped over and eased onto the swing, careful not to wake the boys. He stretched his arm along the back, encompassing them all\u2014friend, brother, and child. Lina transferred her weight from Jamie to him, and it was warm. Comforting.<\/p>\n \u201cDoc says Gillian will make it.\u201d<\/p>\n The tension fled her body. Lina wiped at her eyes. \u201cI am so very relieved.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYeah, me too.\u201d<\/p>\n He, Jamie, and Candy had barely pulled up outside the Emporium yesterday when Lina had appeared beside their wagon. \u201cI am glad to see you.\u201d Candy and Jamie tipped their hats. Joe jumped down beside her.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat\u2019s wrong?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cGillian Harwood gave birth early. The child was stillborn, and they are afraid for her life as well.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe sucked in a quick breath. The Harwoods managed the Mallory ranch, bordering the Ponderosa, and were good friends. Candy and Jamie dismounted, crowding close.<\/p>\n \u201cHow do you know?\u201d demanded his brother. Jamie had helped the Harwoods settle when they had first arrived from England, and the boy was still especially close with the family.<\/p>\n \u201cDoctor Martin sent word. He asked if I might go to the Harwoods\u2019 home to help with cooking and the children for a few days.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe nodded. On top of baking for the Continental, he knew that Lina sometimes provided meals and cleaning for Doc\u2019s recovering patients. Usually, though, that was in Virginia City itself. If Paul Martin had asked Lina to take several days away from her work and travel out to one of the ranches\u2014especially since the Harwoods already had very capable house help\u2014it meant things weren\u2019t good there. His gut twisted.<\/p>\n \u201cHirschel give you the time off?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cSi<\/i>. And the use of the hotel wagon, along with several baskets of food.\u201d Joe wasn\u2019t surprised. John Hirschel was a good man, a real asset to the Virginia City community. \u201cThe hand who brought the note instructed me on how to reach the house, but he had to return immediately. One of their horses is down. I was going to ask the sheriff to go over the directions with me, but perhaps\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019ll drive you.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOh, no. I don\u2019t mean to take you away from\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI want to go too,\u201d Jamie spoke up quickly.<\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019s no trouble. We know the Harwoods pretty well, I should \u2026 check in with Leslie.\u201d The man had lost his unborn baby, and might lose his wife as well. The thought left Joe cold \u2026 but it might also be that he was exactly the right person to get Harwood through this. \u201cBesides, I don\u2019t want you drivin\u2019 out there by yourself.\u201d<\/p>\n Lina blinked, then smiled faintly. \u201cThank you.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cJoe \u2026\u201d Jamie pressed again, and Joe nodded.<\/p>\n \u201cThey\u2019ve only got a couple of hands out there now, and if one of the horses is down they\u2019ll have their hands full. Make sure they\u2019ve got plenty of wood cut for the house, bring water in, chores like that.\u201d Satisfied, Jamie swiftly remounted. \u201cLet them know we\u2019re coming,\u201d Joe added. The redhead nodded, hauled Cinnamon around, and rode back toward the edge of town. Joe looked to Candy. \u201cYou should be good here\u2014don\u2019t worry about the tack or the\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI got things.\u201d Candy offered his reins, but Joe shook his head.<\/p>\n \u201cIf I need a horse, I\u2019ll borrow one there. Tell Pa\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI will. You get going.\u201d Candy tipped his hat again to Lina. \u201cMa\u2019am.\u201d<\/p>\n She dimpled. \u201cCandy.\u201d<\/p>\n Hirschel had seen to the wagon and supplies by the time Joe and Lina returned to the Continental, and in a matter of minutes they were underway. The drive out to the Mallory ranch was mostly silent, each lost in thought and prayer. They arrived before Joe was ready \u2026 but then again, he would probably never be ready.<\/p>\n Not for something like this.<\/p>\n Lina relieved Haida, the Harwoods\u2019 housekeeper, of her responsibilities for cooking and caring for two-year-old Elizabeth, freeing the other woman to assist Doctor Martin with Gillian Harwood. Four-year-old Benny was already following Jamie like a shadow as the redhead completed various tasks around the yard, and Joe left his brother to it. Taking a deep breath, he pulled up a chair beside Leslie Harwood, who was sitting lost in misery and fear just outside the bedroom door. He clapped a firm hand on the man\u2019s shoulder, and Leslie glanced up. Harwood was one of the few he knew that Joe\u2019s loss included a child as well as a wife\u2014he knew the depth of support that was being offered. He reached back for just a moment to grip Joe\u2019s hand fiercely, then sank back within himself.<\/p>\n It was enough, and Joe knew that it didn\u2019t matter what kind of memories the night brought back, no matter where it led. He had done the right thing, coming here.<\/p>\n It was a long, hard, exhausting night, but finally Paul Martin appeared in the doorway with his welcome news. Leslie seized Joe in a hard embrace, and then disappeared into the bedroom to be with his wife. Joe went in search of Lina and Jamie with an infinitely lighter heart.<\/p>\n \u201cI am so very relieved.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYeah. Me too.\u201d<\/p>\n There wasn\u2019t much more to say, and they fell silent again. Joe watched the sun rise and the land grow bright around them. Lina grew heavy against him, as her breathing deepened and she finally gave in to sleep. A dog barked. The sounds of cattle and horses, the background of his entire life, danced at the edge of awareness. Jamie and Benny slumbered on.<\/p>\n It was \u2026 nice, this feeling of family\u2014of watching over these people sprawled within the circle of his arm.<\/p>\n \u201cAlice, I think I could \u2026 I could get used to holdin\u2019 somebody again.\u201d\u00a0<\/i><\/p>\n ~.~.~.~.~.<\/p>\n “Jamie got a new dog. A show dog, hair as red as his.\u201d Joe grinned. \u201cKid followed us all around the ranch begging until he had enough money borrowed, then bought her from her trainer without the owner’s permission.”<\/p>\n Lina raised an eyebrow. “It sounds rather as if she is\u00a0a family dog.”<\/p>\n “Oh, no.\u00a0 He’s payin’ us back, every cent. Except Hop Sing, he made it pretty clear he’d go back to China if Jamie or Pa offered again.”<\/p>\n “Ah.”\u00a0 Lina dimpled, sliding a pan of hot empanadas\u00a0onto the counter. “And the owner does not want her back?”<\/p>\n “He did, but just to destroy her.” She gaped.\u00a0Joe nodded.\u00a0 “Said she was a runt, and her head ain\u2019t shaped right, and a bunch of other stuff.\u201d\u00a0 He shrugged. “I don’t get it, she looks\u00a0fine to me. I’ve never been much for show dogs, though. Anyway, Jamie and April — that’s the dog — had to go through this whole hunting competition with one of the\u00a0other Setters, but he won her fair and square.” Joe had been more than a little relieved. Jamie loved\u00a0that dog.\u00a0 “I’m glad — kid would have been pretty upset losin’\u00a0her, just to know she was bein’ put down.”<\/p>\n Lina pursed her lips. “I do not understand such things, or such people. Even if the dog cannot be shown …”<\/p>\n Honestly, Joe didn’t really understand it either. Then again, he bred horses, which was an entirely different enterprise.\u00a0He\u00a0tried to pick up one of the empanadas\u00a0and burned his fingers.\u00a0 She snickered softly.<\/p>\n “Actually, he\u00a0can<\/i>\u00a0show her. Ain’t nothing against it.”<\/p>\n “Does he plan to, then?”<\/p>\n “Still workin’ that out with Pa.” Joe managed to get the treat into his mouth, chewing carefully so it didn’t burn. “And\u00a0Pa’s letting Jamie keep her in the house.” He shook his head. “He never let any of the rest of us keep a dog in the house.”<\/p>\n That didn’t sting. Of course it didn\u2019t.\u00a0He was too old to dwell on things\u00a0like that.<\/p>\n “I take it you tried at one point?”<\/p>\n “Oh, at several points.” Of course, one of those had been a mutt that tried to bite Adam every time his brother came near. One had stopped to urinate every ten minutes. And one just stank, no matter how many baths Little Joe had given her. Pa might have had his reasons. Still … “She almost killed me when I came in the other night, though.”<\/p>\n Lina eyed him, biting back a smile. “Oh?”<\/p>\n “Yeah.\u00a0I was comin’ in from the poker game –”<\/p>\n “And what time was that?”<\/p>\n He waved the question away. “Don’t matter. If a dog’s gonna be in the house, it shouldn’t be waking everybody up for no reason.”<\/p>\n “Like … a man sneaking into the house in the middle of the night?” Her eyes were dancing now.<\/p>\n “It’s my house!”<\/p>\n “Hers too, it seems.”<\/p>\n He ignored her. “I got halfway up the stairs, didn’t realize she was sleepin’ by the fire.\u00a0 The next thing I know, she’s barking to wake the dead\u00a0and coming up after me.” Joe shook his head. “Scared five years right outa me.”<\/p>\n Lina was laughing silently. “This is what woke the household, I assume?”<\/p>\n “Yeah.” Joe flashed a grin, and stole another empanada. “She almost\u00a0took my feet out from under me\u00a0— I coulda gone over the railing backwards!” Because, that had never happened before. Her laughter grew audible. “Anyway, Pa and Jamie come running down the stairs. She’s got me pinned\u00a0in the landing corner, Pa’s yellin’ about getting her quiet,\u00a0Jamie’s trying to coax her back downstairs, which she ain’t havin’ any of because she’s still after me, and\u00a0…” Lina slid slowly down the counter to sit on the floor. Laughter drifted after her. “And I just didn’t want Pa to hear me come in!”<\/p>\n “Joselito …” Her voice was strangled. “You are old enough to come home when you choose.”<\/p>\n “I don’t care about that!” Joe protested. “I owe him money, and I didn’t want him takin’ all my winnings right out of my pocket!”<\/p>\n A loud snort, and another round of laughter — this aimed primarily at herself. Joe thumped\u00a0into\u00a0the chair, satisfied, and tipped it back, stuffing the entire empanada\u00a0into his mouth.<\/p>\n He did love makin’ Lina Marquez laugh.<\/p>\n ~.~.~.~.~.<\/p>\n Joe leaned against the wall, and watched the dancing, and thought about Lina.<\/p>\n He wished she was here.<\/p>\n He’d been thinking a lot about Lina lately – ever since that trip to Rio Lobo had gone all balls a while back. He and his little brother had busted into that old bunkhouse thinkin’ Pa needed a rescue, and instead they found him in the middle of delivering a baby. Joe had been more than happy to round up the rest of the bad guys and herd them away, leaving his father and the lady’s husband to\u00a0that\u00a0<\/i>task, but when he and little brother came back … When they came back, Ben had held up the newly delivered babe and laughed, and the light in his pa’s eyes broke Joe’s heart.<\/p>\n He wanted that for his pa.<\/p>\n He wanted that for\u00a0himself<\/i>.<\/p>\n He\u00a0wanted\u00a0<\/i>again. Joe had been just floating for so long, living each day as it came without caring or even noticing where he was headed, that the longing ache caught him completely by surprise.<\/p>\n He wanted to love a woman again. He wanted to laugh with her, to talk in hushed tones on the porch after the day was done, to hold her in their bed beneath a rain-patterned roof. He wanted to feel her skin and hair against him. He wanted to cry with her when life got too hard – because it usually did. He wanted be a father, to make his pa a grandfather and his brothers uncles. He wanted to help Jamie grow into a good man, and to care for Pa and Hop Sing as they stepped into old age.<\/p>\n He wanted someone beside him – a partner, a helpmate.<\/p>\n He wanted to\u00a0be\u00a0<\/i>that for somebody else.<\/p>\n He\u00a0wanted<\/i>, and it was overwhelming. Painful. Terrifying. Invigorating.<\/p>\n “Joe? How have you been?”<\/p>\n Joe looked toward John Hirschel. “Good, real good.” He motioned with his glass, taking in the music and blazing chandelier and glittering mass of people. “Great party.”<\/p>\n Hirschel smiled, radiating content. “Marianne and the girls have been planning it for months. Lina did most of the baking for it – but I’m sure you can tell.”<\/p>\n Of course he could. Probably nobody in Virginia City was as familiar with Lina Marquez’s baked goods as Joe Cartwright, and her employer was more than aware. Joe grinned acknowledgment.<\/p>\n “So, fifty years.” Joe raised his glass. “Congratulations, John. How did you two do it?”<\/p>\n “We laughed.” Hirschel swallowed his whiskey – good, smooth stuff – and clapped Joe’s shoulder. “For us, that made all the rest easier.”<\/p>\n Joe grinned, though probably not for the reason his host expected. It was just that the words fit so snugly into his own recent musings. Yep, he could laugh. He\u00a0wanted<\/i>\u00a0to laugh again. He and Alice had done that, though his wife had been a quiet woman. Subtle. Even her laughter was demure. Lina, now … if Lina was here, he’d be hearin’ her above everybody else in the room. Probably too loud for the present company, actually. And then she would realize and be embarrassed, and he would have to coax her out of it, because … who really cared about that?<\/p>\n What could possibly be wrong with laughing too loud?<\/p>\n “I’m glad you made it tonight, Joe. Thanks for coming.” Hirschel shook hands, and wandered off to the next guest.<\/p>\n Joe settled back, sipping his drink.<\/p>\n “Joseph? You all right?”<\/p>\n That was Pa. Always watching, always worried. Joe didn’t want that for him anymore.<\/p>\n “Yeah, Pa. I’m good. You?”<\/p>\n “Doing well.” Ben nodded to a passing banker. “Good party.”<\/p>\n “Yeah.” Joe snickered. “You watchin’ this?” He nodded across the room, where three young ladies had his brother backed into a corner. Jamie was starting to look desperate, and Ben chuckled into his glass.<\/p>\n “That boy’s gotta learn to stand up for himself.”<\/p>\n “He’ll get it.”<\/p>\n Ben grimaced. “What, like you? I don’t need another heart breaker on my hands.”<\/p>\n “Well.” Joe giggled softly. “I turned out okay, didn’t I?”<\/p>\n “Yeah.” His pa’s hand came up to squeeze the back of his neck. “Yeah, son, you sure did.”<\/p>\n Joe eyed the swirl in the Continental’s big front room. He knew most of the ladies here \u2014 had known many for a good chunk of his life. Some were beauties, some plain. Some were false, some genuine. Some were scheming, some were prim, some were entirely too self-centered for their own good. Some were kinder and more generous than he could ever hope to be. This was the cream of Virginia City society. Time was, he’d have been out in the center of everything, flirtin’ and dancin’ with every one of them, young and old. Drivin’ his Pa and brothers nuts because he never got tired of it. He never got tired of them<\/i>.<\/p>\n He wanted more now, though, than just flirting and kisses out back. He had been married once, he knew what it could be. And tonight, he didn’t really care to dance with any of them.<\/p>\n His mind was made up.<\/p>\n Joe shivered, nerves playing suddenly in his gut. Nothing was settled, of course – he’d be surprising the heck out of her, and he had no notion what she’d think of the idea – but his mind was made up all the same.<\/p>\n He was … happy. Yeah. He really was.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Chapter Ten<\/strong><\/p>\n He went\u00a0to see Alice before he rode into town. It was out of the way, and set the whole day back by a couple of hours\u2014but he was nervous enough that he didn\u2019t mind. Anyhow, no way was Joe going to ask another woman to be his wife without telling Alice first.<\/p>\n \u201cI think you\u2019d like her.\u201d He sat by the white cross, turning his hat slowly in his hands, feeling the morning sun warm his face and his soul. \u201cShe\u2019s a good woman\u2014always thinkin\u2019 about others. Always lookin\u2019 at things positive. She\u2019s been through a lot, but she\u2019s still happy.\u201d Joe grinned faintly. \u201cAnd I\u2019m happy when I\u2019m with her.\u201d He sat for a few more minutes, but the day was passing. Joe finally rose, resting one hand on to the top of Alice\u2019s marker as he looked out over the land they had shared and the life that was no longer his. \u201cIf you wouldn\u2019t mind, sweetheart, say a prayer that she says yes,\u201d he finally murmured, then settled his hat firmly, swung back onto Cochise, and rode away.<\/p>\n He had been knocking and walking in since Lina stopped locking the bakery door, but today that didn\u2019t seem right. Not with what he had to say. She was puzzled when she let him in.<\/p>\n \u201cJoe? It was unlocked.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYeah. I \u2026\u201d Joe snatched his hat off and crushed it absently. The little room smelled of cinnamon and dried apples. Catching sight of the single chair\u2014the one in which he had spent so many hours\u2014he nodded toward it. \u201cCan you sit down for a minute?\u201d<\/p>\n Lina paled. \u201cIs everyone all right? Has something happened?\u201d<\/p>\n So \u2026 maybe not the best start. It didn\u2019t do anything for his nerves, either. Joe shook his head, and muttered, \u201cI must be the only man in the world who can go to propose and end up makin\u2019 her think somebody\u2019s died.\u201d<\/p>\n Her mouth formed a perfect, silent \u2018o\u2019, and she sank into the little chair.<\/p>\n No turning back now. Not that he had ever planned to, anyway. Joe crouched before her, laying a light touch on one knee.<\/p>\n \u201cThis ain\u2019t spur of the moment, I\u2019ve been thinkin\u2019 on it for a while now. About what I want for my life.\u201d He quirked a grin into her shocked silence. \u201cYou\u2019re the reason I\u2019m even there, you know\u2014that I can think about this kinda thing at all. And I might be different in some ways now, but I still want a lot of the same things. I still want a family. I want to teach somebody to love the land like I do, to pass it on when the time comes. I want a partner to work alongside. To live alongside. To take care of, and to help me take care of the people I love. They\u2019re gettin\u2019 older, some of them\u2014it won\u2019t be long now until they need that whether they want it or not.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cJoe.\u201d Her voice was faint. She waved a limp hand at her flour-dusted hair and worn skirt. \u201cYou are \u2026 I am not \u2026\u201d<\/p>\n That was the surprise talking. Lina never gave a fig about status, or the differences therein. In fact, she usually ignored it completely.<\/p>\n Of course, an engagement drew more notice than simple friendship, and generally gave everyone else in the state the impression they had the right to comment. Loudly. Joe couldn\u2019t help that, but he also didn\u2019t care what anybody else thought. He wasn\u2019t about to let it worry Lina, either.<\/p>\n \u201cYou\u2019re my best friend. When I picture the rest of my life, you\u2019re the one I want with me.\u201d Joe chuckled softly. \u201cYou\u2019re the only one I even see.\u201d<\/p>\n Lina took a long, shaky breath. Her eyes wandered unseeing around the little room. He took her nearest hand, cinnamon and sugar and all, and found it trembling. It shook him, reminded him what marriage had been to her. What it had done<\/i>\u00a0to her. A flush of protective anger seared him.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019ll be good to you.\u201d<\/p>\n Her dark gaze locked onto his and her free hand grazed his cheek, setting it afire. \u201cI know.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe dared a grin. \u201cIs that a yes?\u201d She was silent for another moment. He shook her hand gently. \u201cCome on. It\u2019ll be fun.\u201d<\/p>\n That broke through. Lina snorted a chuckle, then slapped her free hand over her nose, skin flushing a rosy hue. \u201cJoselito \u2026\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYeah?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou haven\u2019t actually asked me anything.\u201d<\/p>\n He hadn\u2019t? Joe quickly went back over their conversation, and decided she was nitpicking.<\/p>\n That was all right.<\/p>\n He straightened, shifting so that he rested on one knee. \u201cCatalina Marquez, will you marry me?\u201d<\/p>\n Lina\u2019s fingers were cold, but her grip was suddenly firm. His heart lifted in a rush.<\/p>\n \u201cA life shared with you would be a good one, Joseph. One of which to be proud.\u201d A girlish smile graced her lips. \u201cSi<\/em>, I accept.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe laughed, relief and joy flooding into the dark places. They were still there, of course\u2014they were a part of him now\u2014but the shadows wouldn\u2019t be quite so dark. So threatening. He leaned forward.<\/p>\n \u201cCan I kiss you?\u201d<\/p>\n She giggled. \u201cI think you had better.\u201d<\/p>\n Her lips were soft and warm, tasting of pastries and promises. Joe\u2019s hands found her hair, and hers his jacket, clinging to this new understanding. He deepened the kiss, let the heat flood him, and when he finally broke away it was hard.<\/p>\n So hard.<\/p>\n \u201cThink we better stop now.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYes.\u201d Lina\u2019s voice was soft, breathy. \u201cYes, I \u2026\u201d<\/p>\n Her entire countenance was so bereft that Joe very nearly laughed. \u201cSunday?\u201d<\/p>\n Lina nodded, eyes wide. \u201cSunday.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe planted another quick kiss on her forehead. \u201cCan I bring you out to the Ponderosa tomorrow for dinner?\u201d He grinned. \u201cI want to give Pa tonight to get used to the idea.\u201d<\/p>\n “Of course.\u201d She smiled. \u201cThat is wise.\u201d<\/p>\n Yeah. His Pa wasn\u2019t expecting this any more than Lina had been.<\/p>\n Anyway, Joe had other things planned for the afternoon.<\/p>\n \u201cAfter you\u2019re done here for the day, I\u2019d like to take you over to the jeweler.\u201d<\/p>\n She blushed again, a fiery splash across her rich skin, and nodded.<\/p>\n ~.~.~.~.~.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n She was waiting on the front steps of the Continental, wearing a yellow dress that set the honey tones in her skin aglow. It wasn\u2019t one he\u2019d seen before, and Joe wondered if it was new (he\u2019d added Lina onto most of their store accounts yesterday, and reopened a few at places an all-male family generally didn\u2019t frequent) or if she\u2019d had it tucked away somewhere. They hadn\u2019t ever been to the same dances or socials\u2014for all he knew she\u2019d worn this dress ten times in the last year.<\/p>\n He didn\u2019t even know what he didn\u2019t know about her, but he was looking forward to finding it out.<\/p>\n \u201cI hear you\u2019re taking my side business away.\u201d<\/p>\n John Hirschel pushed away from the porch railing and came forward as Joe jumped down. Joe caught Lina\u2019s hand. \u201cYeah. I got tired of driving all the way in for empanadas, so I thought I\u2019d just move the source a little closer to home.\u201d<\/p>\n She arched an eyebrow, then looked back to her employer.<\/p>\n Former employer.<\/p>\n Joe\u2019s grin widened. He couldn\u2019t seem to help it.<\/p>\n \u201cYou and your family have been so kind, Se\u00f1or. I know you will hire again for the hotel, but perhaps I can send something every now and again for your own table.\u201d<\/p>\n Hirschel smiled. \u201cLina, you don\u2019t need to do that, but I wouldn\u2019t turn it down either.\u201d<\/p>\n She bounced a little, satisfied. \u201cThen we are settled, I think.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI think that\u2019ll be about five years down the road, John.\u201d Joe shook his head. \u201cHop Sing\u2019s pretty protective of his kitchen.\u201d<\/p>\n Lina turned an amused eye on him. \u201cI am certain Hop Sing and I will get along very nicely.\u201d<\/p>\n He had forgotten for a minute that his fianc\u00e9e\u2014Lina was going to\u00a0marry<\/i>\u00a0him\u2014and the little cook were friends completely apart from his own involvement. Huh. Joe nodded, feeling excessively pleased with himself. Whatever showed on his face set her to laughing, and Hirschel held out his hand.<\/p>\n \u201cJoe, congratulations. Marianne and I are real happy for you both.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe shook firmly. \u201cThanks John. We\u2019re havin\u2019 a party out at the house on Sunday afternoon, I hope you can be there.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWe wouldn\u2019t miss it.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cGood.\u201d Joe touched Lina\u2019s elbow. \u201cWe better get going. Pa might not be able to take the wait.\u201d<\/p>\n She smiled. \u201cOf course.\u201d<\/p>\n Lina nodded to Hirschel, who tipped his hat, and allowed Joe to hand her up into the buggy. Then he settled beside her and set the horses back toward the Ponderosa.<\/p>\n It was a beautiful day and Joe let the horses take their time, enjoying Lina\u2019s awe at the beauty of his family\u2019s land. It was hard to believe they had known each other for so long and she had never been to the Ponderosa \u2026 but then again, there hadn\u2019t been much in the way of life on the ranch for quite a while. They slept and ate and worked there. They cut their trees, broke their horses, ran their cattle. They helped Jamie with his homework and read around the fireplace at night. They came into town for the shopping, and more recently for a picnic or a poker game. They rarely had guests anymore, though\u2014either for the day or overnight\u2014and they hadn\u2019t thrown a party since \u2026 well, since Alice at least. Even their Christmas gatherings had gone by the wayside.<\/p>\n They just \u2026 existed.<\/p>\n This woman beside him, so vibrant and full of joy, already made the place feel more alive. Joe sat back against the warm leather, soaking in the bright sun and her laughter, and thought that\u2014for this moment, at least\u2014he might be the most content man in Nevada.<\/p>\n When they rounded the barn, his family was waiting on the porch. The sight set Joe to laughing.<\/p>\n \u201cThe suspense is killing them.\u201d Lina, who had grown noticeably quiet over the last few miles, cast him a pale smile. Joe squeezed her hand, and pulled the horses to a halt before the rail. \u201cPa will love you. Trust me, you have nothing to worry about.\u201d<\/p>\n In fact, Ben was out into the yard before the buggy wheels even stopped turning, holding out a strong hand to assist Lina down. She dimpled up at him, drawing an answering smile from Ben that he lavished on his son as well when Joe joined them.<\/p>\n \u201cJoe, introduce us.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYeah, Pa.\u201d Joe laughed. \u201cI\u2019m gettin\u2019 to that.\u201d He put a light hand on her shoulder. \u201cPa, this is Catalina Marquez. Lina, this is my pa, Ben Cartwright.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben bowed over hand. \u201cMiss Marquez, it is a great pleasure to meet you.\u201d<\/p>\n She giggled softly, and Joe felt her relax into his father\u2019s enthusiastic warmth. \u201cMr. Cartwright, I feel as if I know you already. Joe talks about you so very much.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cBen, please.\u201d His father glanced across to Joe, raising one dark brow. \u201cI must admit, this has been something of a surprise for me.\u201d Surprise was putting it mildly\u2014Ben had been utterly taken aback by Joe\u2019s announcement. Now, though \u2026 Ben\u2019s smile returned in full force as he looked back to his future daughter-in-law.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cBut a very welcome one.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHey, Lina.\u201d<\/p>\n She peered around Ben to the gangling redheaded. “Jamie!” Lina smile. “We will be brother and sister now, yes?”<\/p>\n Jamie shuffled and offered a pleased grin, looking like nothing so much as an awkward puppy. “Yeah, I guess so.” He thrust his hands into his pockets, but she moved forward and hugged the boy tightly, eliciting a squeak of protest. Candy extracted Jamie and took his place, planting a firm kiss on Lina’s cheek.<\/p>\n \u201cHey!\u201d Joe protested, and received only an unrepentant grin from his friend.<\/p>\n Lina moved on to Hop Sing, who still hovered on the porch, and threw her arms about him.<\/p>\n \u201cHop Sing very happy,\u201d the little man declared. \u201cAlways know Miss Catalina belong at Ponderosa.\u201d He seized Joe and pulled him into the embrace. \u201cHop Sing so very happy for Little Joe and Miss Catalina.\u201d Tears swam in the dark eyes, and Joe felt an answering dampness rise in his own. Lina was already wiping at her cheeks. Hop Sing pulled away then, arranging his customary irritable expression with a little more effort than usual. \u201cPie and coffee get cold. You come inside now.\u201d<\/p>\n Lina laughed, tucked her arm through Jamie\u2019s, and followed obediently. Her voice drifted back, and his little brother’s laughter. Candy trailed along, but when Joe started to follow a firm grip tugged him to a halt.<\/p>\n \u201cSo, young man.\u201d Ben folded his arms, dark brows lowering. \u201cWhy is it that I seem to be the only one who has never met the woman you\u2019re going to marry in a few short days?\u201d<\/p>\n Yeah.<\/p>\n Joe tried bravely for a smile. \u201cWell, Pa \u2026 it\u2019s kind of a long story.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n<\/div>\n Epilogue<\/b><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n She had left a low light burning for him. He kept telling her there was no need, but since the (one) time he had tripped in the dark, breaking a pitcher and nearly destroying his mother\u2019s dressing table and generally setting the entire house to thinking they were under attack, she always left a light\u00a0 when on she went to bed first. Joe shed his shirt, boots, and pants, blew out the light, and crawled into bed.<\/p>\n Lina stirred, reaching back to pat his leg. \u201cYou are home late.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYeah. Took longer than we thought.\u201d Her cocoon beneath the blankets was warm. \u201cHow are you feelin\u2019?\u201d<\/p>\n His heavily pregnant wife shifted. \u201cWell enough. My back is still sore, but I am not nearly so tired today as I have been.\u201d A tremendous yawn gave lie to those words. Joe chuckled, moved back, and went to massage the areas he knew would be knotted and tight. Lina sighed happily. For a long moment all was silent, and he thought maybe she had maybe fallen back asleep. Her voice, when she spoke, was heavy and thick.\u00a0\u201cDid you find the problem?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThink so. Shouldn\u2019t be too hard to fix. Adam says he found a good place for us to rig up a little dam. He\u2019s gonna go out with Pa and get started tomorrow, then Jamie can head out and give them a hand over the weekend.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNot you?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNah.\u201d Joe shifted closer again, stretching his body alongside her warm length. \u201cNot with you so close to \u2026 you know.\u201d<\/p>\n Lina\u2019s voice was dry. \u201cYes, I do know.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWell, we talked, and I\u2019m gonna stick closer to home until the baby comes. I don\u2019t want to take the chance of bein\u2019 that far away when it happens.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI have another month to go yet.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cTrust me, we got enough work around here to keep me occupied for the next year, at least.\u201d<\/p>\n She snorted softly. \u201cLet\u2019s hope this does not last that long.\u201d She relaxed, though, and Joe knew he had made the right decision. \u201cI will be glad to have you close.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe slid his arms around her, fitting her snugly against him. \u201cMe too.\u201d He kissed her temple, then sighed and closed his eyes. \u201cI love you.\u201d<\/p>\n Lina\u2019s hand fumbled for his, finding and holding it beneath their blankets. \u201cI love you too.\u201d<\/p>\n Fin<\/em><\/p>\n ~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.<\/p>\n Episodes referenced at some point during the story: <\/p>\n Tags: Ben Cartwright, Candy Canaday, Hop Sing, Jamie Hunter Cartwright, Joe \/ Little Joe Cartwright<\/p>\n
\nDeath on Sun Mountain (S1)
\nThe Burma Rarity (S3)
\nBetween Heaven and Earth (S6)
\nDecision at Los Robles (S11)
\nThe Night Virginia City Died (S12)
\nThe Reluctant American (S12)
\nThe Customs of the Country (S13)
\nForever (S14)
\nRiot! (S14)
\nNew Man (S14)
\nThe Initiation (S14)
\nThe Bucket Dog (S14)
\nAmbush at Rio Lobo (S14)<\/p>\n