Summary: \u00a0When loving seems to hurt too much…is it easier to just Love No More?
\nRating:\u00a0 PG
\nWords:\u00a0 18,900<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Love No More<\/strong><\/p>\n <\/p>\n Ben Cartwright crossed the yard toward the barn, wondering what he would say to comfort his youngest son.\u00a0\u00a0 Earlier that day, Ben\u2019s tenderhearted son Hoss joined him for lunch and sadly told him that the little fawn he and Joe had rescued had finally died. Joe and Hoss had found the injured baby fawn a few weeks ago and as was Hoss\u2019 nature, brought the stray home to care for it. Soon it was obvious to all that Joe and the little fawn had become special friends. Hoss remembered hearing Joe telling the orphaned creature that he would take care of him because he knew what it was to be without a mama.\u00a0\u00a0 So, it was with tear rimmed eyes Hoss told his father about the fawn. The tears were not for the animal, for it was not much of a surprise to Hoss that the fawn had died. He knew the animal was injured and probably wouldn\u2019t survive. The tears were for Joe and the broken heart he\u2019d surely have when he got home from school and found out.\u00a0\u00a0 Joe loved that animal and was sure he could save it.\u00a0\u00a0 Hoss, Ben and even Adam had tried to tell Joe the animal wouldn\u2019t make it, but Joe insisted he could love it back to good health. He spent every spare moment with the animal and had even given it a name. But the fawn had died that morning and now it was Ben\u2019s job to console his grieving son.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n As Ben pulled open the barn door he could hear the sobs wafting down from the hayloft. With a sad shake of his head, Ben headed for the ladder and called to his boy, \u201cJoseph, son, can I talk to you, boy?\u201d<\/p>\n As he reached the loft, Ben could see his son pull his arm across his eyes and then under his nose and with a sniff and a sigh he answered his father, \u201cWhat, Pa?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAre you alright, son? I know your upset about the fawn.\u201d Ben said soothingly as he rubbed his son\u2019s back.<\/p>\n \u201cHer name was Sunny!\u201d Joe snapped at his father. Ben arched an eyebrow toward his son and immediately Joe was sorry for snapping at his Pa.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m sorry, Pa,\u201d Joe croaked out and he started to cry again. Ben pulled the boy into an embrace and let him cry all his emotions out.<\/p>\n \u201cI know Hoss said she would probably die, Pa, but I really thought she\u2019d be okay\u2026maybe I didn\u2019t do enough for her, maybe if I loved her more, or spent more time with her\u2026\u201d Joe was searching for answers and continued to cry as his father responded.<\/p>\n \u201cJoseph, nothing you did or didn\u2019t do could have changed what happened to Sunny. She was injured when you found her and deep down you knew she wouldn\u2019t make it. Right?\u201d<\/p>\n Joe nodded his head up and down.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat you did do, son, was love her, make her comfortable and gave her a warm place to stay because you\u2019ve learned well from Hoss that we shouldn\u2019t turn our back on one of God\u2019s creatures and I\u2019m proud of you for that.\u201d<\/p>\n Finally Joe dried he eyes and nose on his other sleeve and looked up at his Pa and said, \u201cThanks, Pa and I\u2019m sorry.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhat are you sorry for son?\u201d Ben asked.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m sorry I yelled at you and I\u2019m sorry for crying like a baby over a silly deer,\u201d Joe explained.<\/p>\n \u201cJoe, you don\u2019t have to be sorry for crying for a lost friend. That doesn\u2019t make you a baby, in some ways, being able to express your feelings makes you more of a man,\u201d Ben told his son and he was rewarded by the small smile that came to his son\u2019s face. Ben knew the reference to manhood would garner a smile and he continued to try to brighten the mood. \u201cWhat you do need to be sorry about\u2026is what you\u2019ve done to your sleeves; Hop Sing is going to have a fit,\u201d Ben said with a smile and mock sternness as he handed Joe his handkerchief.<\/p>\n Joe\u2019s smile widened as he hugged his father tightly and said, \u201cThanks. I love you, Pa.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAnd I love you too, Joseph. Are you ready to go inside? If we don\u2019t make an appearance soon, Hop Sing might throw out our supper,\u201d Ben said.<\/p>\n \u201cOh Hop Sing wouldn\u2019t do that to me, Pa, but you better get in there,\u201d Joe giggled and ran to the house.<\/p>\n Ben sighed, relieved he had been able to help his son through this crisis.\u00a0\u00a0 Dealing with death was never easy, but this time acceptance and coping came quickly. Perhaps it was because the friendship was new, or the friend was an animal, or maybe it was because they expected it\u2026whatever it was, Ben was grateful he was able to help his son and he hoped next problem, and he knew there would be another, wouldn\u2019t be as traumatic.<\/p>\n ________________________________<\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n The next week passed with out event. Joe seemed to be coping well with the loss of his little friend.\u00a0\u00a0 The ranch was busy as usual. Ben and Adam were trying to figure out the details of a new project.\u00a0\u00a0 Adam had won a new timber contract for the Ponderosa and it was an ambitious undertaking with a tight deadline. After much discussion it was decided the only way to fulfill the contract was to hire an extra crew and for all the elder Cartwrights to join in the work. Even Hop Sing would be needed to cook at the camp. That left Joe\u2026a one-boy dynamo, who had just been set free on summer vacation from school.\u00a0\u00a0 Ben, Adam, and Hoss sat up one night after Joe went to bed and talked over the \u2018Joe situation\u2019.<\/p>\n \u201cHe\u2019s gonna wanna come, Pa,\u201d Hoss stated the obvious.<\/p>\n \u201cI know, Hoss, but he can\u2019t,\u201d Ben said firmly.<\/p>\n \u201cHe\u2019s just too young Hoss and we won\u2019t have the time to spare to keep an eye on him,\u201d Adam added.<\/p>\n \u201cWell maybe he could help Hop Sing,\u201d Hoss offered, trying to come up with an idea that would make Joe happy.<\/p>\n At that Hop Sing appeared with a tray of coffee. \u201cHop Sing no need help. Hard enough to cook in camp, no need extra help.\u201d Hop Sing scurried off continuing to chatter in Chinese.<\/p>\n \u201cI guess that\u2019s a no vote from Hop Sing,\u201d Adam quipped.<\/p>\n \u201cWell it\u2019s not up for a vote,\u201d Ben declared and then continued, \u201cHe can\u2019t come and that\u2019s final. But he can\u2019t stay here alone. I just don\u2019t know what to do.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThe Devlins?\u201d Hoss offered.<\/p>\n \u201cThey all have hay fever over there and Mrs. Devlin is in no mood\u2026I already asked,\u201d Ben stated.<\/p>\n From the top of the stairs a happy suggestion came floating down, \u201cI could go stay with Grandma Jo for a while,\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cJoseph!\u201d Ben bellowed, \u201cWhat are you doing out of bed?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cGrandma Jo,\u201d Adam smiled and nodded his head.<\/p>\n \u201cGrandma Jo,\u201d Hoss slapped his thigh and nodded his agreement.<\/p>\n Ben smiled and exhaled loudly, \u201cGrandma Jo, now that\u2019s a great idea! But a better idea is\u2026TO GET BACK TO BED!!!\u201d Ben bellowed as he laughed loudly.<\/p>\n Joe smiled as he ran back to his bed. He really wanted to go to the timber camp, but he knew his father would never let him go, so he figured he had better speak up quick with his suggestion, before Pa, Adam and Hoss had him packed off to someplace boring.<\/p>\n \u201cLeave it to that rascal to come up with the answer,\u201d Hoss chuckled.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019ll go talk to Josephine tomorrow, I\u2019m sure she\u2019ll love to watch him for us,\u201d Ben stated.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Joe smiled as he settled himself back into bed and thought about Grandma Jo. As he snuggled down under the covers, Joe reached over to the night table and picked up his mother\u2019s picture. He studied the picture and thought about the two women: his mama and Grandma Jo. They didn\u2019t look anything alike, but to Joe they seemed similar and he often thought if his mama had lived to be an old lady, she\u2019d have been like Grandma Jo.\u00a0\u00a0 Joe loved Grandma Jo. She had just returned from an extended visit with her daughter and Joe had missed her. Grandma Jo had a full round face etched with wrinkles. She kept her long white hair in a loose braid down her back and the ends held a hint of the warm red color of her youth. Her blue eyes danced when she laughed\u2026and her laugh was unique. It wasn\u2019t a small lady-like giggle, but her laugh was like her personality: big, full and robust just bursting with enthusiasm. Grandma Jo was fun, not like other old ladies, and her interests were much more in line with a boy than a lady nearing 70. She liked to go frogging, fishing, walking barefoot in the mud and wading in the creek. She liked sitting in the rain and playing marbles. Joe remembered the first time he visited with Grandma Jo. It was her that suggested a wade in the creek. Joe had stood awestruck as the old woman removed her shoes and stockings and then bent down and grabbed the back hem of her skirt and pulled in forward between her legs and tucked it into her waistband\u2026making something that looked like pants. She skipped off to the creek calling over her shoulder for Joe to join her. It was in that moment Joe knew Grandma Jo was special. Mrs. Josephine Walters, better know at the Ponderosa as Grandma Jo, was a widow woman who had befriended the Cartwrights when she moved to town about five years ago. She loved all the Cartwrights, but Joe was her favorite. Joe was five when they met and he was still grieving the loss of his mother, and Joe was drawn to the woman and her sense of fun that was so much like his Mama\u2019s.\u00a0\u00a0 Now, Joe was ten and he shared a special relationship with Grandma Jo. She and Joe were good friends, playmates and kindred spirits.<\/p>\n _______________________________<\/p>\n <\/p>\n With the \u2018Joe situation\u2019, as they called it, solved courtesy of Grandma Jo, the Ponderosa became a hive of activity as preparations were made to set up a new timber camp. Supplies were gathered, men were hired and operation plans prepared. Joe too set about preparing for his visit.<\/p>\n \u201cWell, I think we\u2019re ready, Pa,\u201d Adam proudly stated as he sat down to dinner. It had been Adam\u2019s job to oversee the preparations and with Hoss\u2019 help they were ready to leave on schedule the next day.<\/p>\n \u201cGood job, boys. I know it was hard work getting everything ready so quickly, specially with this heat,\u201d Ben said as he mopped his brow. \u201cI\u2019m proud of you. We\u2019ll have more hard days ahead of us to get this all done in just two short weeks, but the profit will be well worth it. It will provide us a nice cushion for the winter.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019s nice to think about winter, cause it sure has been hot,\u201d Hoss complained.<\/p>\n \u201cThat\u2019s the truth. I don\u2019t think I can recall a summer when it\u2019s been this hot. It\u2019s a real heat wave,\u201d Ben agreed.<\/p>\n \u201cWell, I for one, am looking forward to getting to the high country, if for nothing else than getting to some cooler weather,\u201d Adam added.<\/p>\n As Joe came bounding down stairs, Ben cleared his throat loudly to indicate time to change the subject. While going to Grandma Jo\u2019s had been his idea, Joe was working every angle to get Ben to change his mind and let him come along. Hoping to generate a bit of enthusiasm for his adventure, Ben greeted his son with exaggerated gusto. \u201cWell, young man, are you all packed and ready to go to Grandma Jo\u2019s in the morning?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYes, sir,\u201d Joe replied and before he could start pleading again Hoss jumped it.<\/p>\n \u201cSo what \u2018cha bringing with ya Shortshanks?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAll the important stuff, of course\u2026I got my marbles, checkers, my fishin\u2019 pole\u2026maybe I should bring yours too Hoss so Grandma Jo can use it\u2026my pocket knife\u2026 and um,\u201d Joe rattled off his list while thinking of other valuable things a ten year old would need.<\/p>\n \u201cHow about some clothes, little buddy?\u201d Adam asked winking at their father.<\/p>\n \u201cOh, yeah,\u201d Joe giggled. \u201cI\u2019ll get \u2018em together right after supper, I kinda forgot,\u201d Joe gave a crooked smile as he answered.<\/p>\n \u201cWell how about after supper, we go and take a look at what\u2019ve you\u2019ve packed, son. Perhaps I can make a few helpful suggestions,\u201d Ben chuckled.<\/p>\n \u201cOkay Pa, but wouldn\u2019t it be easier if I just came with you? I can help ya know\u2026 there\u2019ll be lots to explore and there\u2019s lots I can do\u2026\u201d Joe started up again only to be interrupted by Adam. \u201cEasier for you, but surely not for us!\u201d<\/p>\n Joe shot his brother a scowl and was about to retort when Ben took over.<\/p>\n \u201cNow Joseph, we\u2019ve been over and over this and you simply can not come along. Besides it was your<\/strong> idea to go stay with Grandma Jo. I thought you\u2019ve been missing her. Don\u2019t you want to spend some time with her?\u201d Ben probed.<\/p>\n \u201cI do, but\u2026\u201d Joe played with his fork and stared at his plate, \u201cI\u2019m gonna miss you all. Two weeks is a long time.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWell it may seem like it now, but trust me, son, once you get to Grandma Jo\u2019s the time will fly by and you won\u2019t have time to miss us,\u201d Ben explained.<\/p>\n \u201cWe\u2019ll see,\u201d Joe replied as he continued to play with his supper and mope.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n The next morning, as Adam and Hoss were helping Hop Sing with last minute details, Ben and Joe were battling again. \u201cNow Joseph, you remember what I\u2019ve said: Behave yourself, listen and don\u2019t tire Grandma Jo out,\u201d Ben repeated the lectured again.<\/p>\n \u201cPa, why are we taking the buckboard? I wanna ride my horse,\u201d Joe whined, completely ignoring his father\u2019s instructions.<\/p>\n \u201cDid you hear me, boy? And, you won\u2019t be needing your horse Joseph, Grandma Jo doesn\u2019t have a barn or corral to keep a horse in or any feed supplies and before you ask, I am not hauling two weeks worth of feed to her house just so you can ride your horse. We\u2019re taking the buckboard, end of discussion.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cBut, Pa\u2026\u201d Joe started his rebuttal but was quickly cut off by his father.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Adam and Hoss tried to hide their chuckles, but it was hard, even Hop Sing was shaking his head, muttering \u201cThat boy\u2026give father white hair\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss whispered to Adam, \u201cIt sure is gonna be a quiet two weeks for us. I kinda feel bad for Grandma Jo, cause I don\u2019t think her days will be as quiet.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYeah, that might be long enough for Pa to cool off, and don\u2019t worry about Josephine. Joe\u2019ll turn on the charm and she\u2019ll spoil him rotten. I think we should feel sorry for ourselves\u2026we\u2019re going to have to get him back to reality when we get home,\u201d Adam said as he tried to stifle a laugh.<\/p>\n Hoss was about to reply when Ben\u2019s voice boomed across the yard, \u201cI SAID: End of discussion. Now you can ride to Grandma Jo\u2019s sitting next to me on the seat or you can ride standing in the back. It\u2019s your choice, now what\u2019s it going to be Joseph?\u201d Ben stated as calmly as he could.<\/p>\n Joe understood his options, sitting with a cool bottom or standing with a warmed bottom, he made his choice quickly. \u201cI\u2019ll sit, Pa.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cFine, now say your goodbyes and lets be off.\u201d Ben told his son with a subtle shake of his head.<\/p>\n Adam and Hoss were laughing out loud as Joe ran up and jumped at Hoss grabbing him around the neck giving him a big hug. Joe held on tight as he said goodbye, \u201cBye, Hoss.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNow you be good for Grandma Jo, ya hear Shortshanks?\u201d Hoss asked.<\/p>\n \u201cI will Hoss. Are ya gonna miss me? Joe asked.<\/p>\n \u201cYou know it, punkin!\u201d Hoss answered handing his little brother to his oldest brother.<\/p>\n \u201cBye Adam, don\u2019t have too much fun without me, okay?\u201d Joe said solemnly.<\/p>\n \u201cOkay, Joe, no fun, just work,\u201d Adam answered with a tickle making Joe giggle.<\/p>\n \u201cCome on now Joe, we have to get going,\u201d Ben called.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m coming Pa,\u201d Joe shouted back to his Pa and then turned back to his brothers. \u201cYou guys take care of Pa for me, alright?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cSure little buddy,\u201d Adam answered putting Joe down and Joe quickly grabbed each of his brothers around the waist with one arm on each and quietly said. \u201cI love you guys.\u201d<\/p>\n Adam smiled and ruffled his hair as Hoss replied \u201cWe love you too buddy, now get along, before Pa gets mad again.<\/p>\n \u201cBe good,\u201d Adam called after his brother, \u201cand take care of Grandma Jo.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI will!\u201d Joe answered as he climbed into the buckboard and sat down next to his father. Although the trip to Grandma Jo\u2019s was relatively short, Joe filled the time with endless chatter be it about the shapes of the clouds or the sight of some wildlife or Joe\u2019s opinion on the new timber operation. Ben smiled, laughed and absorbed every word, because he simply loved his son, his wonderful outlook on life and his contagious zest for life. He knew the next two weeks would be very busy ones, be he also knew he would miss this mischievous little boy, with the bright smile and penchant for trouble.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Grandma Jo was sitting on her front porch, absent-mindedly fanning herself from the persistent heat as Ben and Joe approached the house. She was quickly off the porch as the buckboard slowed but Joe was already hopping down before Ben could bring it to a complete stop. \u201cJoseph!\u201d Ben bellowed, \u201cHow many times have I told you to stay put until I stop.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m sorry Pa, but I was excited to see Grandma Jo,\u201d Joe explained from within the kindly woman\u2019s embrace.<\/p>\n \u201cOh now Benjamin, don\u2019t be cross with this sweet boy,\u201d Josephine cooed, \u201cHe knows how much I\u2019ve missed him, don\u2019t you Sweet Boy? He just wanted a little sugar from Grandma Jo.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe just smiled back at his Pa and Ben knew he couldn\u2019t fight them both so with a smile he replied, \u201cOkay, Josephine, this sweet boy is all yours for two weeks. Now Joseph, you be good for Grandma Jo, don\u2019t tire her out and\u2026\u201d Ben paused as he realized he was talking to himself as Joe and Grandma Jo were already on the porch discussing their plans for the next two weeks.<\/p>\n \u201cSweet boy, we\u2019re gonna have such a good time. Do we want to go wading, swimming or frogging first. Oh, I have been thinking on what to do about this heat, you know it doesn\u2019t even seem to cool off at night lately\u2026When I was a girl in Arizona we used to sleep on the porch under damp sheets\u2026much more comfortable as I recall. We could give that a try\u2026don\u2019t you think Benjamin? Benjamin!?\u201d<\/p>\n As Ben stood alone in the yard, Grandma Jo called over her shoulder to him, \u201cBenjamin, what are you doing just standing there? I though you had a lot of work to do. Get yourself along now, Joseph and I will be fine. Won\u2019t we Sweet Boy?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cSure will, Pa.\u201d Joe quickly covered the distance between the porch and his Pa to give him one last hug. Then just as quick, he was back on the porch. Ben shook his head and smiled as he climbed into the buckboard and started back to the Ponderosa.<\/p>\n \u201cSee you in two weeks\u2026\u201d Ben called out one last time.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n When he arrived back at the Ponderosa, Ben found Adam, Hoss and Hop Sing ready to go. \u201cJoe okay over at Grandma Jo\u2019s, Pa?\u201d Hoss asked, still worried that Joe would be upset about being left behind.<\/p>\n \u201cOh, I don\u2019t think we have to worry, son. I was lucky to get a goodbye hug from that \u2018Sweet Boy\u2019. Those two were too busy planning their adventures to give much notice to me\u201d Ben chuckled.<\/p>\n \u201cSweet Boy, Pa?\u201d Adam asked flippantly as he smiled. \u201cShe still calls Joe that. I thought for sure he\u2019d\u2019ve put a stop to that by now.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cShe is and no he hasn\u2019t. In fact, I think he likes it and don\u2019t you boys tease him about it either,\u201d Ben replied. \u201cAnd now, as Grandma Jo told me boys, we\u2019ve got a lot of work to do\u2026so let\u2019s get to it. The sooner we get started the sooner we can get home to that Sweet Boy.\u201d All the Cartwrights laughed at the use of the pet name for Joe as they headed for the timber camp.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Up at the timber camp, the elder Cartwrights had set up a smooth and efficient operation. The work was hard and everyone was exhausted, but after just one week, thing couldn\u2019t be going any better.<\/p>\n \u201cPa, things are running real good,\u201d Hoss informed his father as he and Adam joined him at the cook tent after another long day.<\/p>\n Ben smiled at his sons. He couldn\u2019t have been more pleased, as they were ahead of schedule, spirits were high and the weather was markedly cooler. \u201cThis is wonderful, boys. If we continue at this pace we\u2019ll not only fill the contract but we\u2019ll do so ahead of schedule.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Over at Grandma Jo\u2019s, times were also good, albeit hot.\u00a0\u00a0 Joe and Grandma Jo spent their days playing in the creek, swimming, fishing and just generally having fun. However, by the end of the first week of Joe\u2019s visit a worry had crept into the corner of Josephine\u2019s mind, she was beginning to feel the impact of the heat and keeping up with an active child. She awoke this morning tired\u2026and not the regular not enough sleep tired, but a total, down in the soul, bone tired. She would try to shake it off, for Joe\u2019s sake, but the pressure in her chest and the pain radiating down her arm were hard to ignore, but she would try for her Sweet Boy.<\/p>\n ______________________________________<\/p>\n <\/p>\n In Virginia City, Doctor Martin pulled his buggy to a stop in front of the Sheriff\u2019s Office to greet Sheriff Coffee who had just stepped out onto the sidewalk.<\/p>\n \u201cGood morning Roy,\u201d the doctor greeted.<\/p>\n \u201cMornin\u2019 Doc, feels like it\u2019s gonna be another scorcher today,\u201d the sheriff replied as he mopped his brow.<\/p>\n \u201cIt sure does. I don\u2019t remember when\u2019s it\u2019s been this hot! Do you think you\u2019ll be busy today, Roy?\u201d Doctor Martin asked.<\/p>\n \u201cI don\u2019t reckon. The one good thing about this heat is that the criminals are all too hot to be bothered with committing any crimes.\u201d Roy chuckled.<\/p>\n \u201cWell good for you. Could I interest you in accompanying me today? I\u2019m going to check on some of the older folks in the area. This heat can really take a toll on them. I\u2019ve got some blocks of ice packed here in the back. I\u2019m planning to chip it off to offer some cool baths and cold drinks. I\u2019m sure it\u2019ll be a welcome treat. I\u2019d enjoy some company and I might need some help if you\u2019re free,\u201d Doctor Martin explained.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019d be happy to Doc. Let me tell the deputy I\u2019ll be out and about today and get my horse. I\u2019ll met you at the livery in about 20 minutes,\u201d Roy answered.<\/p>\n \u201cWonderful!\u201d Paul exclaimed, pleased to have the Sheriff\u2019s company. \u201cThis could take all day, so I\u2019ll stop over at Daisy\u2019s and get us some lunch to take along,\u201d Doctor Martin added.<\/p>\n So the Doctor and the Sheriff were off on their mission of mercy.<\/p>\n __________________________________<\/p>\n After a cooling wade in the creek and light lunch, Grandma Jo was feeling refreshed and ready for the big frogging expedition she and Joe had planned for the afternoon. But the short walk to the creek had already tired Grandma Jo and she paused in the shade of a tree to wipe her sweaty face. \u201cOh my goodness, Sweet Boy, it surely is hot again today, is it not?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAre you okay, Grandma Jo?\u201d Joe asked concerned about her pale skin and the sweat that continued to run down her face.<\/p>\n \u201cSurely, I am\u2026I just need to rest a bit and catch me breath. Now don\u2019t ya worry, none\u201d she said with a deep exhale.<\/p>\n \u201cAre you sure cause you don\u2019t look\u2026.\u201d Joe pressed the old woman.<\/p>\n \u201cNow don\u2019t you start talkin\u2019 about me looks, Sweet Boy,\u201d she interrupted firmly, but broke into a smile. \u201cNow lets find us some frogs. I\u2019ll betcha I find the biggest one,\u201d she challenged while rubbing her left arm that ached.<\/p>\n \u201cOh, I don\u2019t think so\u2026I\u2019ll find one so big, we\u2019ll need to get a wagon to haul him back to the house,\u201d Joe laughed and ran off to the creek, leaving his worries and Grandma Jo behind. A short time later, Joe and Grandma Jo were knee deep in the creek hunched over looking for the best specimens. Grandma Jo stood up straight putting her hands to her back and leaned back a bit to stretch out the kinks and she thought to herself that the creek had seemed to have lost it\u2019s cooling benefits. Her chest felt tight again and she was having a hard time catching her breath. She called to Joe. \u201cSweet Boy, let\u2019s head back to the house for a bit. I think we need to take a break so I can rest a bit.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe stood up and looked over to the old lady and his worry returned. Quickly he was at her side, helping her out of the creek. \u201cAre you alright Grandma Jo?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cSurely, now let\u2019s not worry. I\u2019m just a bit tired,\u201d she replied looking into his troubled face.<\/p>\n The two walked slowly toward the house and Grandma Jo began to lean heavily on Joe. As they reached the porch steps, Joe was holding Grandma Jo up. And she gave in to her exhaustion and confessed, \u201cSweet Boy, I don\u2019t believe I can make it up the steps. I\u2019m just too tired. Let\u2019s just sit here under this tree.\u201d Joe guided Josephine to the tree and eased her down, leaning her against the trunk.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m sorry Grandma Jo, Pa told me not to wear you out,\u201d Joe apologized sincerely, worry clouding his face.<\/p>\n \u201cNow I\u2019ve done told you not to worry, Sweet Boy. You\u2019ve done nothing but bring me joy and happiness. I\u2019ve loved spending this time with you. You\u2019re very dear to me and I love you with all my heart. I\u2019m just a bit tired right now\u2026need to rest some\u201d She said softly, holding Joe close to her as her eyes fluttered and started to close.<\/p>\n \u201cGrandma you\u2019re scaring me,\u201d Joe cried. \u201cAre you alright?\u201d He asked again.<\/p>\n Grandma Jo gasped as she took in her breath and as she exhaled she said, \u201cAlways remember how much I love you Sweet Boy.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe looked up into her face as her eyes closed one last time and her head rolled to one side. He leaped to his feet and cried out. \u201cDon\u2019t worry Grandma, I\u2019ll get help. I\u2019ll go get the Doc. He\u2019ll fix you up good. You just rest and I\u2019ll be right back.\u201d Joe ran with tears streaming down his face and he called out over his shoulder. \u201cI\u2019ll be back just as quick as I can.\u201d But before he finished talking, Grandma Jo let go of life.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Joe ran the three miles to town just as fast as he could. He knew Grandma Jo was counting on him and he couldn\u2019t let her down.\u00a0\u00a0 She had just told him how much she loved him and he knew how much he loved her. His mind was a whirl with worry as the image of her face replay in his memory: it was pale, sweat running down the sides, her eyes closed.\u00a0\u00a0 He kept telling himself she would be okay, just as soon as the doctor got there. So he had to keep running. He couldn\u2019t think about the heat. He couldn\u2019t think about being tired. He just had to run. Although Joe made it to town in only 30 minute, it felt like a lifetime to the scared child.\u00a0\u00a0 Running at top speed had left Joe exhausted. His muscles were cramping and his body was hot, but as the doctor\u2019s office came into view, Joe felt a renewed vigor and sprinted the last few yards. He took the office stairs two at a time and burst into the office, calling out for the doctor before he was even in the door.<\/p>\n \u201cDOC MARTIN!\u201d Joe yelled. \u201cDOC, WHERE ARE YA?\u201d<\/p>\n Doctor Martin\u2019s assistant hurried into the waiting area to see who was shouting and replied, \u201cWhy Little Joe dear, what\u2019s the matter?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI need the doc right away! Grandma Jo is sick!\u201d Joe panted.<\/p>\n \u201cOh, I\u2019m sorry, the Doctor\u2019s not here right now,\u201d she stated calmly, her eyes taking in the agitated child before her. \u201cAre you all right dear? Your face is flushed. Why don\u2019t you come lie down for a while and wait for the doctor? He should be back soon,\u201d she said taking Joe by the arm.<\/p>\n \u201cNO!\u201d Joe yelled jerking his arm away. \u201cGrandma Jo is sick and I gotta get back to her,\u201d he said turning to run out of the office.<\/p>\n \u201cOkay dear, I\u2019ll send the doctor as soon as he gets back,\u201d she called after Joe, shaking her head. She didn\u2019t know what was wrong with Josephine Walters, but her training told her to worry for the boy running at break neck speed down the street. She had felt the heat radiating from his skin when she took his arm and she remembered his flushed face. She and Doctor Martin discussed the signs and symptoms patients would present with when suffering from the heat. She had seen those symptoms in Little Joe. She wished she could have gotten him to stay. Now she sent a quick pray heavenly asking for the doctor\u2019s speedy return.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Joe was beside himself to be returning to Grandma Jo\u2019s without the doctor. He knew he had to get back fast and do what he could for her. So he ran. He took no heed to the signals his body was sending him. His legs were cramping, but he ran on determined to help his friend. He was incredibly hot, but hadn\u2019t realized he had stopped sweating. He only knew he had to run, but was getting confused as to why. Finally he approached the house and saw Grandma Jo under the tree and he rushed to her. Not realizing she was gone from this life, Joe collapsed next to her dropping his head onto her lap.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n As Joe was racing from town, Doctor Martin and Sheriff Coffee returned to town entering from the other direction, chatting amiably and reviewing their day.<\/p>\n \u201cWell Roy as a medical assistant, you make a great Sheriff,\u201d Paul Martin joked.<\/p>\n \u201cThanks a lot, but I\u2019ll take Sheriffing over Doctoring any day. I tell ya, if I had to drink one more glass of lemonade or eat one more cookie, I\u2019d have busted. In fact, I think I\u2019ll come over the office with you to get something to settle my stomach,\u201d Roy complained.<\/p>\n \u201cCome on old friend. I should have warned you to pace yourself,\u201d Paul laughed.<\/p>\n As the two men climbed the steps to the Doctor\u2019s office, the door flew open startling the tired men.<\/p>\n \u201cKathleen, what\u2019s wrong?\u201d Doctor Martin asked knowing something was upsetting his normally calm assistant.<\/p>\n \u201cDoctor Martin, Oh thank goodness your back. Little Joe Cartwright was here a short time ago, I tried to get him to wait for you, but he wouldn\u2019t and I\u2019m worried,\u201d she babbled.<\/p>\n \u201cSlow down now Kathleen and tell me all the details,\u201d Paul instructed.<\/p>\n \u201cWell, I was in the other room when Little Joe came in yelling for you. I asked him what was wrong and he said that Grandma Jo, I mean Mrs. Walters, was ill. I told him you were out, but you\u2019d be back soon. And as I got a good look at the child, I tried to get him to wait, but he wouldn\u2019t. He got upset, said he had to get back and ran off. Doctor, that child ran all the way into town from Mrs. Walters house in this heat and left to run all the way back.\u00a0\u00a0 That\u2019s three miles each way!!! I don\u2019t think he was at all well. His face was bright red and his skin was hot to the touch and there wasn\u2019t a drop of sweat on him,\u201d the worried nurse explained.<\/p>\n Doctor Martin knew the implications of her description. \u201cWell, I don\u2019t know what\u2019s wrong with Mrs. Walters, but sounds like Joe could be headed for real trouble. How much ice was left after that last stop, Roy?\u201d Doc Martin asked.<\/p>\n \u201cOh, about a quarter of a block, why?\u201d Roy asked. He didn\u2019t understand the doctor\u2019s concern.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019ll explain on the way. We\u2019ve got to hurry out to Josephine\u2019s place. I think Joe\u2019s on his way to a heat stroke and if we don\u2019t get to him quick, it may be to late.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cA heat stroke, are you sure? You\u2019ve not even seen him.\u201d Roy pushed.<\/p>\n \u201cFrom what Kathleen said\u2026you heard her, his skin was hot, his face was red and he wasn\u2019t sweating. When we get to him we need to look for a rapid pulse and very high temperature. He may also be acting strangely, confused or angry. He may be dizzy and nauseated and eventually he may lose consciousness. We\u2019ll need to act fast to cool him off. If he\u2019s close to the stream, we need to get him in it as soon as we can, then we can fill Josephine\u2019s washtub with water and the ice. Either way, if it\u2019s bad, we need to move fast. Plus we don\u2019t even know what\u2019s wrong with Josephine either. We could have our hands full.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cSounds like it could be bad,\u201d Roy said tentatively as the two rode quickly to Josephine Walters house.<\/p>\n As the two men approached the house they could hear Joe crying and yelling at Grandma Jo to get up.<\/p>\n \u201cThat don\u2019t sound like the Little Joe I know, yelling like that at his elders,\u201d Roy stated shaking his head.<\/p>\n \u201cHurry Roy, He\u2019s acting strangely, it\u2019s a symptom,\u201d Paul said as their worried eyes met.<\/p>\n Joe was stumbling around yelling at Grandma Jo. Paul saw him straighten up from vomiting and collapse again on Grandma Jo.<\/p>\n \u201cJoseph,\u201d he cried out running to the fallen child. As he reached Joe\u2019s side he looked to Josephine Walters and immediately knew there was nothing he could do for her. He was greatly concerned for Joe wondering how long he\u2019d been clinging to the dead woman. But the emotional problems needed to come second to the physical ones. His quick inspection confirmed his fears. Joe was indeed suffering from a severe heat stroke and needed immediate attention.\u00a0\u00a0 Doctor Martin stripped off the boy\u2019s clothes, scooped him into his arms and ran toward the stream all the while issuing orders to the stunned Sheriff.<\/p>\n \u201dRoy, Josephine\u2019s gone! There\u2019s nothing we can do for her. But we can save Joe if we hurry.\u00a0\u00a0 Now get the washtub and fill it with the ice and cold well water. Call me when your done and we\u2019ll put Joe in it. I\u2019ll be with him in the stream until you’re ready. I\u2019ve got to cool him down or we\u2019ll lose him. Hurry now! Once you\u2019re done, please move Josephine inside we\u2019ll send for the undertaker back as soon as we can move Joe to town,\u201d Paul commanded.<\/p>\n Paul was beyond worry for Joe. The boy\u2019s skin was extremely hot and Paul knew his temperature was very high. He knew they had to cool his body before the intense heat caused brain damage that could take the essence of this boy. As he held the boy in the cooling stream he could feel the first seizure rip through Joe\u2019s body. Soon Roy called out to the Doctor and Paul quickly took the boy to the chilling bath. The men worked diligently to cool Joe, but he remained unconscious and continued to suffer seizures. Once they had brought his temperature down, Paul felt they needed to get Joe back to his office to treat him more efficiently and monitor his progress.<\/p>\n This trip to town was slow and filled with hushed conversation.<\/p>\n \u201cRoy, do you have any idea where Ben and the boys set up that timber camp? We\u2019re going need Ben to help this boy recover as well as deal with Josephine\u2019s passing,\u201d Paul asked quietly.<\/p>\n \u201cNope, he had said it was way off in the north section and that it\u2019s was hard to explain. He said he\u2019d shown the map to Josephine and Joe in case he was needed. I guess he didn\u2019t figure on neither of \u2018em being able to tell anyone.\u201d Roy explained grimly.<\/p>\n \u201cWell we should send some men out to try to find them. He\u2019ll surely want to know about Joe being so sick. As it is he\u2019ll miss Josephine\u2019s funeral, we\u2019re going to have to bury her tomorrow due to this heat,\u201d Paul suggested.<\/p>\n \u201cYou\u2019re right, I\u2019ll get some volunteers together to head out and look for Ben. I\u2019ll also get a wire off to Mrs. Walter\u2019s daughter,\u201d Roy offered.<\/p>\n \u201cGood. I\u2019ll plan on keeping Joe at the office. Between you, me and Kathleen we can look after him. It will most likely be a while till he\u2019s up and around,\u201d Paul stated.<\/p>\n \u201cBut he will be up and around, thought right?\u201d Roy asked in a worried tone.<\/p>\n \u201cI hope so, Roy. He\u2019s not out of the woods yet and I\u2019m still worried that he may have suffered some brain damage. His temperature was just so high. We\u2019ll just have to wait and see. But the sooner you find Ben, the better I\u2019ll feel. Sometimes I think he can fix things that medicine can\u2019t with that boy,\u201d Paul said.<\/p>\n Once in town, each man set about his tasks. With the help of his assistant Kathleen, Doc Martin settled the still unconscious Joe into bed. His body temperature was still elevated but closer to normal and while the seizures continued they were much less frequent. Kathleen took the first watch at Joe\u2019s side. Doc Martin headed over to the undertakers to make arrangement for Josephine\u2019s funeral. Roy had secured half a dozen volunteers to search out the Cartwright\u2019s timber camp. They agreed to leave at daybreak and camp out if necessary.\u00a0\u00a0 Roy returned to the doctor\u2019s office later that evening to check on Little Joe.<\/p>\n \u201cHowdy Doc. How\u2019s Little Joe getting\u2019 on?\u201d Roy asked as he looked over the boy who appeared to be asleep. \u201cIs he sleeping?\u201d he asked hopefully.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m afraid not. He\u2019s slipped into a coma. It could be the body’s way of healing the damage or\u2026\u201d the doctors voice faded.<\/p>\n \u201cOr what?\u201d Roy asked nervously.<\/p>\n \u201cIt could be a sign of some permanent damage. We just have to wait till he comes around to be sure,\u201d Paul explained.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019ve got some men together. We\u2019re leaving at first light to look for Ben. What should I tell him?\u201d Roy asked, hoping the doctor would want to explain Joe condition.<\/p>\n \u201cWell I\u2019d get him here as quick as you can, but I wouldn\u2019t go into a lot of detail. I\u2019ll handle that,\u201d Paul offered.<\/p>\n Roy sighed with relief. \u201cI\u2019m glad to hear that. But I ain\u2019t lookin\u2019 forward to telling Ben that boy is sick.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019d just let him know it\u2019s serious, but tell him it\u2019s best if I explain it to him. He\u2019ll be upset and probably push you for all the details. Just do your best, Roy. Ben\u2019d be a wreck no matter who tells him,\u201d Paul counseled the sheriff.<\/p>\n \u201cThat\u2019s the truth. You want me to sit with Joe for a while. You look like you could use some sleep.\u201d Roy offered.<\/p>\n \u201cThat\u2019s alright. You\u2019re the one riding out in the morning; you could do with some rest yourself. Besides, I don\u2019t think Joe will be coming around tonight at least. I\u2019ll grab a few winks in the next room,\u201d Paul said in a tired voice.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019ll check back before I leave. Ben\u2019d want the last news of the boy,\u201d Roy said quietly as he stood to leave.<\/p>\n \u201cThanks for your help today, Roy,\u201d Paul smiled briefly.<\/p>\n \u201cGlad to help. I just hope it was enough, good night,\u201d Roy answered.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Joe\u2019s condition was unchanged the next morning and that worried Paul. He hoped for some improvement and prayed for a positive sign to send along to Ben. Roy and his men left all knowing they were at least two days ride for any potential location for the timber camp, then there would be two nerve racking days back. Roy had gone to the ranch last night posting notes on all the doors as to the situation, just in case the Cartwrights returned home before Roy could find them. He had also returned to Josephine Walters house to close up the place and lock the doors. Josephine\u2019s daughter had wired back that she understood the situation and the need for a quick burial. She gave her consent and said she\u2019d travel to Virginia City in a few months to settle her mother\u2019s affairs. So Roy left that morning with all the loose ends tied up and thus able to concentrate on finding the Cartwrights.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Life at the timber camp was a sharp contrast to all that had happened in Virginia City.\u00a0\u00a0 Good times and good luck were plentiful at this camp. The crew worked together like spokes in a wheel and the project rolled along with unprecedented speed. Ben was overjoyed with efficiency and effort being put forth. He had promised the men a bonus if they finished on time, but just that morning he sweetened the offer adding an additional bonus if they came in ahead of schedule and injury free. Now, if they kept this pace they\u2019d fill the contract in only two more days, an entire three days ahead of schedule. Ben couldn\u2019t remember a project that came together so well and all the Cartwrights marveled at their good fortune and each were quick to offer prayers of thanks.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Throughout the next day, Joe remained unconscious, but he had some level of awareness. He could hear voices around him, urging him to wake-up, but it wasn\u2019t his pa or even Grandma Jo.\u00a0\u00a0 What\u2019s going on<\/em> and<\/em> who\u2019s talking to me while I\u2019m trying to sleep<\/em>, Joe thought as he slipped back to a deeper level of unconsciousness.<\/p>\n By mid-day, Joe came to recognize the voice calling to him to be that of Doc Martin. He wanted to respond to the Doctor\u2019s pleas to open his eyes, but he just couldn\u2019t muster the energy.\u00a0\u00a0 Later<\/em>, Joe thought, later<\/em>, too tired now<\/em>.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Doctor Martin and Kathleen spent as much time with Joe as they could, but having spent yesterday out of the office, meant a busy day at the doctor\u2019s office, today. They checked on him between patients, but each time noted no change. But Joe was becoming more alert. While he was still unconscious, his level of awareness was up.\u00a0\u00a0 He could hear what was going on around him, but his mind was still foggy. He tried to listen to what was said trying to make sense out of where he was, why he was alone and what had happened. But his mind was muddled\u2026<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cIs there any change Doctor?\u201d Kathleen asked as she entered the room.<\/p>\n \u201cNo,\u201d Paul said sadly. \u201cHave you finished with the last one?\u201d He asked as he continued to check Joe over.<\/p>\n \u201cYes, and I\u2019ve closed up the office. Do you want me to spend the night here with Little Joe?\u201d she asked.<\/p>\n \u201cNo, that\u2019s alright, Kathleen. You\u2019ve had a long day,\u201d the doctor answered.<\/p>\n \u201cYes, well so have you. In fact, two in a row,\u201d she countered.<\/p>\n \u201cI know, but I\u2019m not encouraged that he\u2019ll be coming around tonight. I\u2019ll sleep in the next room, again,\u201d Paul explained.<\/p>\n \u201cOh, you don\u2019t see any change then?\u201d she asked again, hoping for more details.<\/p>\n \u201cNo, his vitals are the same as they were this morning and I don\u2019t see any signs of consciousness. This is probably the worst heat stroke I\u2019ve treated. As much as I\u2019d like to see him wake up, I\u2019d really like is Pa to be here when he does\u2026\u201d Paul started to explain.<\/p>\n \u201cOh how come?\u201d Kathleen asked quickly.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m worried how he\u2019ll take the news of Mrs. Walters passing. It might cause a set back in his recovery and I know he\u2019ll need his father\u2019s love and comfort,\u201d Paul answered.<\/p>\n \u201cThey were close?\u201d she asked as she stroked Joe\u2019s head.<\/p>\n \u201cYes. She helped fill the huge gap left when Joe\u2019s mother died. Josephine had a way to make Joe feel special. She really loved this boy,\u201d Paul told Kathleen.<\/p>\n \u201cPoor little thing, it\u2019s really going to come as a shock I\u2019d suppose.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYes, I\u2019m afraid it might seem like he\u2019s losing part of his mother all over again. That\u2019s why I hope Ben gets back from the timber camp before we have to cross that bridge,\u201d Paul stated. \u201cWell he\u2019s all settled for the night, you might as well go\u2026Oh, Kathleen could you stop by Daisy\u2019s and ask her to send me over some dinner?\u201d<\/p>\n “Of course, good night Doctor,\u201d she answered.<\/p>\n Straightening the bed covers, the doctor sighed and spoke to himself. \u201cWell, I guess I should get washed up for my supper,\u201d and he walked out of the room.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Joe was alone in the room and alone in his confusing thoughts. His mind was a whirl from all he had just heard. A heat stroke\u2026 I just remember running\u2026for Grandma Jo, I did just what everyone said not too\u2026 I tired her out\u2026Oh I\u2019m so sorry Grandma Jo. <\/em>Joe\u2019s mind continued to churn\u2026Where\u2019s Pa? When\u2019s he coming? Oh Pa, I need ya\u2026Grandma Jo\u2019s gone, and just like Sunny\u2026I didn\u2019t do enough to save \u2018em.<\/em><\/p>\n \u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n Joe thoughts were running through his mind like a disjointed story. Nothing flowed and he couldn\u2019t focus on anything for very long. He drifted through seemingly unrelated topics\u2026he thought about Grandma Jo, then Sunny, then his mama. He remembered the fun he had with Grandma Jo. Then he dwelled on the last thing she had said to him: \u2018Always remember how much I love you Sweet Boy<\/em>\u2019. He thought about him Mama and how much he loved her still\u2026his thoughts drifted to Sunny and his love for her.<\/p>\n He was disturbed from his thoughts by someone bursting into the doctor\u2019s office. Joe tried to listen to what was happening around him. \u201cDoc,\u201d the intruder shouted as he helped an older man into a chair.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat is it?\u201d Paul answered as emerged from the other room, his clothes disheveled by sleep. He hurried to the two men.<\/p>\n \u201cOld man Greene here, I think it\u2019s his heart again,\u201d the man explained.<\/p>\n \u201cQuick, bring him in here,\u201d Paul said as he ushered the men into the examination room.<\/p>\n Joe again listened to the exchange and again his thought began to wander from the room to his last encounter with Mr. Green\u2026 Joe remembered the time recently when old man Green caught him and his friend Mitch snatching apples out of his tree. He shooed the boys out of the tree with a broom and yelled at them as they ran\u2026 \u201cGit outta here you little apple stealin\u2019 brats\u2026you kid\u2019s keep outta my yard\u2026I don\u2019t like kids especially you two, now GIT!\u201d Old man Greene, don\u2019t like me none, <\/em>he thought.<\/p>\n Again Joe was jarred from his thoughts by voices, so he listened.<\/p>\n \u201cNow Mr. Greene, you\u2019ll be fine. It was just a touch of angina. You take these as I told you and you\u2019ll be fine,\u201d the doctor assured the old man and his friend.<\/p>\n \u201cI done thought I was a goner Doc, thanks for your help, sorry to disturb you so late. Come on Jake, thanks again, doc,\u201d Mr. Greene thanked the Doctor.<\/p>\n \u201cNo problem, good night,\u201d Paul as he closed the door behind the men, and then he turned to go check on Joe. The doctor checked on Joe, but failed to notice in the darkened room, the fingers his left hand moving ever so slightly.<\/p>\n As Joe inched closer to consciousness his mind was whirling with thoughts\u2026 old man Greene is gonna be fine. Don\u2019t it just figure\u2026mean old man like that\u2026bet he\u2019ll live forever\u2026it\u2019s just not fair<\/em>. It was an irrational thought, but to a little boy with a foggy mind, it seemed reasonable. Where\u2019s Pa<\/em>, he thought again. I need Pa\u2026Pa, oh no, what if Pa dies?\u00a0\u00a0 No not Pa\u2026I can\u2019t lose Pa too. <\/em>Joe\u2019s mind was screaming in fear and going in every direction as exhaustion over came him once again and he drifted off to sleep, dreaming of his Pa, but a seed of fear had been planted.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Joe slept lightly; fear of losing his Pa fed nightmares that disturbed his rest. His mind created the nightmares and his body responded as he emerged from his coma\u2026he was uncomfortable, but not in pain and after a while Joe began to shift under the light blankets kicking them off as he turned on his side and fell into a deeper dream free slumber.<\/p>\n Doctor Martin rose with the sun and his first stop was the room where Little Joe lay. He immediately noticed the bedclothes on the floor and the change in Joe\u2019s position and heaved a sigh of relief.\u00a0\u00a0 Paul believed the nocturnal movements were a sure sign that Joe was on the road to recovery. The doctor resisted the urge to wake the boy and examine him, knowing sleep was needed to restore the child. He stood grinning at Joe\u2019s bedside as Kathleen entered the room.<\/p>\n \u201cGood morning, Doctor Martin. How is young Joseph this morning? Better?\u201d She asked hopefully, as she picked up the blankets.<\/p>\n \u201cI think so. I think these are a good sign,\u201d he said lifting up a corner of the blanket in her hand.<\/p>\n \u201cHe kicked them off?” She asked with a smile.<\/p>\n \u201cYes, and turned over too. I\u2019m hopeful the worst is behind us now. He seems to be out of the coma and sleeping normally. Let\u2019s leave him to sleep and then when he wakes up, I\u2019ll examine him again. You needn\u2019t stay with him constantly, just keep an eye on him, please and let me know when he wakes up,\u201d Paul explained as he headed toward the outer office.<\/p>\n Joe slept normally the rest of the day and Kathleen found herself picking up the blankets every time she checked the boy. By the end of the day however, Kathleen was worried and she stood with concern etched on her face as Doctor Martin entered the room.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat\u2019s the matter? Is there a change?\u201d he asked quickly.<\/p>\n \u201cNo, he seems the same, but are you still confident that Joe is doing better. I mean he\u2019s been asleep a long time,\u201d she explained her concern.<\/p>\n \u201cHe\u2019s been through a lot and his body needed restful sleep. I think his body is working to restore itself and when he\u2019s ready, he\u2019ll wake up. Don\u2019t worry, just yet,\u201d he smiled.<\/p>\n \u201cJust yet?\u201d she repeated curiously.<\/p>\n \u201cThe hardest part of your job will start when he does wake up\u2026you\u2019ll be the one that has to keep him in bed until his father gets here,\u201d Paul chuckled.<\/p>\n \u201cOh fine, you know I\u2019m just one woman\u2026I\u2019ll need an army,\u201d she whispered with a laugh and Doctor Martin joined the quiet laughter.\u00a0\u00a0 As the two shared the small laugh and large hopes over the boy, Joe slowly opened his eyes.<\/p>\n \u201cWell, young man, welcome back,\u201d Paul smiled warmly.\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cYou surely gave us quite a scare. How are you feeling?\u201d He asked fully expected the standard Joe Cartwright answer of \u2018Fine\u2019. But Joe answered the doctor\u2019s question, honestly: \u201cTired, thirsty, and sick.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOh,\u201d Paul said surprised by Joe\u2019s answer. \u201cThat\u2019s to be expected, you\u2019ve been very sick and you\u2019ll feel tired and your body sluggish for awhile, but it will pass. Okay? Here\u2019s some water for you.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYes sir,\u201d Joe replied flatly.<\/p>\n Paul put the glass down and reached out laying his hand on Joe\u2019s shoulder and asked gently, \u201cDo you know where you are Joe?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYes sir\u201d came the quiet answer.<\/p>\n \u201cOkay, good,\u201d Paul started, not sure what was going on with this boy. \u201cWell, I\u2019ve sent for your Pa and he should be here soon,\u201d Paul explained, hoping to get a spark from Joe, but when he received no reply asked: \u201cOkay, Joe?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYes sir,\u201d came the standard answer. Kathleen shot questioning eyes toward the doctor who was now wearing a puzzled frown. This was not at all in character for Little Joe Cartwright. They were expecting he would have cried for his father, made dramatic claims of good health, rattled of dozens of questions about Josephine Walters. But these simple, quiet, sullen replies had the doctor concerned.<\/p>\n \u201cJoe, do you have any questions about what happened?\u201d Paul asked hoping to generate a typical Joe type response.<\/p>\n \u201cNo sir,\u201d Joe answered, but thought, I know what happened to Grandma Jo and I don\u2019t want to think about that. <\/em><\/p>\n \u201cWell Joe, I need to examine you now, and when I\u2019m finished you need to have some broth, all right?” Paul asked, certain this question would make Joe balk. This child hated to be examined and when he was sick he most definitely hated to eat; surely he would put up a fuss. The doctor was again disappointed as Joe replied.<\/p>\n \u201cYes sir.\u201d<\/p>\n Paul shook his head as he began a very thorough examination of this puzzling boy. The examination proceeded without incident as Joe simply let the doctor do his work. Much the same continued as Kathleen fed the boy his broth. Joe simply laid back and allowed himself to be fed. As Joe finished the last spoonful, his eyes fluttered and sleep beckoned. Once Joe was settled for the night, Paul and Kathleen left him to sleep and stepped into the next room to discuss the concern they both felt now.<\/p>\n \u201cWell, I don\u2019t understand this at all,\u201d Kathleen babbled, \u201cWhere\u2019s that little fella we practically have to sit on to examine?\u201d she exclaimed.<\/p>\n \u201cI must admit I\u2019m a bit confused myself. Physically, he seems to be recovering nicely. A few days in bed and he should be good as new, but the way he\u2019s acting\u2026I don\u2019t know, and, well, frankly I\u2019m worried,\u201d Paul said as much to Kathleen as to himself.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat is it, you think?\u201d She asked tentatively.<\/p>\n \u201cWell, first of all, we say nothing about this anywhere near Joe.\u00a0\u00a0 I don\u2019t want to upset or confuse him or worse, for him to try to hide anything from me,\u201d Paul started and Kathleen nodded her understanding and encouraging the doctor to continue with his concerns. \u201cI\u2019m going to spend some more time reviewing my medical books on the subject, but I\u2019m afraid, Joe may have suffered some brain damage as a result of that heat stroke and it may have effected his personality.\u201d<\/p>\n Kathleen gasped, her hand going to her mouth as she asked, \u201cAre you certain?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo,\u201d Paul snapped, but then apologized, \u201cI\u2019m sorry Kathleen, but no I\u2019m not certain and I hope I\u2019m wrong. But that boy in there is very different from the Little Joe Cartwright I\u2019m used to treating. Something must have happened and right now that\u2019s the only thing I can think of. Really there is no way to be sure. We\u2019ll just have to keep observing him and trying to draw him out.\u00a0\u00a0 One big clue will be how he reacts when his father gets here.\u201d<\/p>\n The two sat in silence for a few minutes as they each thought about the strange turn of events. Just that morning they had been so hopeful, and now there was such worry. Each prayed Ben Cartwright would arrive soon.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n Roy and his men combed the mountains northwest of the Ponderosa. The days on the trail did nothing to ease the tension the seasoned lawman felt.\u00a0\u00a0 Roy must have played out over two-dozen different scenarios as to how to explain the situation, but nothing seemed comfortable. He finally figured that he\u2019d just answer the questions Ben would ask\u2026Ben was a smart man and for Roy to show-up in the remote timber camp certainly wouldn\u2019t be for a social call\u2026Ben would figure out that there had been trouble and he\u2019d just answer the man\u2019s questions and fill in the blanks as best he could. Of course<\/em>, Roy thought, days have past and anything could be happening in the doctor\u2019s office by now\u2026<\/em>that thought only intensified the sheriff\u2019s concerns.\u00a0\u00a0 Roy\u2019s eyes continued to dart around the landscape looking for the subtle clues that would lead him to the camp and finally his found the tell tale signs of a timber operation. As he continued to lope along he could detect the faint smells of Hop Sings cooking.\u00a0\u00a0 Thinking this news was best delivered alone he lifted his hand into the air to bring the other searchers to a halt.<\/p>\n \u201cWell boys,\u201d Roy began, \u201cI think we found what we\u2019re lookin\u2019 for. That camp must be just up yonder, and I think I need to go on alone. So thanks for all your help and I\u2019ll see you all back in town.\u201d<\/p>\n Roy expressed his thanks to each man as they turned to head back to Virginia City and finally he was alone. He took a deep breath and urged his horse along, \u201cWell let\u2019s get along fella, I can\u2019t put this off,\u201d and he rode on.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n The timber camp was alive with celebration. The contract had been filled with days to spare and the Cartwrights and their men were all in high-spirits as they laughed, ate and relaxed by the campfire. Ben was speaking to the men: \u201c\u2026as we all enjoy this feast Hop Sing has prepared for us, Thank you Hop Sing, once again you\u2019ve outdone yourself\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n Ben was drown out by the cheer of the men. Ben smiled and Hop Sing bobbed his head up and down accepting the praise and then he quickly turned and moved over the cook tent, embarrassed by the continued accolades. Ben continued, \u201cYou all have worked very hard and I appreciate all your efforts. Just to confirm what we all know, WE HAVE FILLED THE CONTRACT!!!\u201d<\/p>\n Again the men cheered. Adam and Hoss patted each other on the back their faces bright with smiles. Ben held up his hands trying to get the men\u2019s attention, \u201cI have one more thing to say: Thank you, Thank you very much and you\u2019ll each be getting a bonus with your pay.\u201d Again, the men cheered and the laughter continued as Ben made his way over to his two sons. \u201cWell boys, we did it!\u201d Ben clapped each of his sons on their shoulder.<\/p>\n \u201cAnd with time to spare, too Pa,\u201d Hoss beamed.<\/p>\n \u201cThings couldn\u2019t have gone any better, could they Pa?\u201d Adam stated.<\/p>\n \u201cReally, we had good crews, good leaders\u2026\u201d Ben smiled at his boys as he again reached up from his seat between them and grabbed each son by the back of his neck giving each a warm squeeze. And as he saw Hop Sing approaching with the coffee pot from the corner of his eye, he added, \u201cand the best cook, oh, hello Hop Sing.\u201d Hop Sing smiled as he filled the three cups being held up to him.<\/p>\n \u201cWell boys, tomorrow we can break camp, I\u2019ve already spoken with Del and Will and they will take that last load to the rail head in the morning, and that, my sons, is the end of it! And I\u2019m ready to go home!\u201d Ben explained.<\/p>\n \u201cMe, too,\u201d agreed Hoss. \u201cI\u2019m lookin\u2019 forward to a hot bath and my comfy bed,\u201d he chuckled.<\/p>\n \u201cI second the idea of a hot bath, but I get to go first. Age before beauty, brother, age before beauty.\u201d Adam voiced his opinion with a chuckle.<\/p>\n \u201cWell then by all means, older<\/strong> brother, the tub is all yours,\u201d Hoss said as he tipped his hat to his brother laughing.<\/p>\n Ben joined in the laughter and then added. \u201cWell I guess my bath can wait, I\u2019d like to spend some time with your little brother first.\u00a0\u00a0 I\u2019ve missed that little scamp.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cGood idea Pa, I\u2019ve missed him too!\u201d Hoss stated.<\/p>\n \u201cWell I must admit I\u2019ve missed him too. I\u2019m sure he\u2019ll have plenty of stories to tell about all of his and Grandma Jo\u2019s adventures. We\u2019ll be lucky if he even stops talking to eat.\u201d Adam laughed.<\/p>\n \u201cWell when he\u2019s got a good story to tell you know he won\u2019t take a bite,\u201d Ben agreed.<\/p>\n \u201cI just don\u2019t understand that boy,\u201d Hoss shook his head with a smile. \u201cHe\u2019d rather talk than eat, not me, no tale is worth missin\u2019 a good meal!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYes we know!\u201d Ben laughed and Adam joined in and soon all three were laughing wholeheartedly.\u00a0\u00a0 Not that the comment was all that funny, but the mood was good and each was enjoying himself and at first the Cartwrights didn\u2019t see Roy Coffee as he rode up to the campfire.<\/p>\n Finally Adam noticed the sheriff as he dismounted.<\/p>\n \u201cWelcome Roy, come, join us for a cup of coffee,\u201d Adam reached out to shake the sheriff\u2019s hand, momentarily not realizing how odd it was that Roy just rode into camp.<\/p>\n Ben looked over as Adam spoke, \u201cRoy, what in heaven\u2019s name are you doing way out here?\u201d he asked lightly, and then quickly sobered. \u201cWhat\u2019s happened? Is it Joseph?\u201d He demanded.<\/p>\n Roy held his hand out to accept the cup Adam was offering. \u201cThanks for the coffee, Adam. I\u2019ve been on the trail lookin\u2019 for you folks for a few days now. Some of Hop Sings good coffee would surely hit the spot,\u201d Roy started only to be cut off as Hoss asked.<\/p>\n \u201cYou\u2019ve been lookin\u2019 for us for days? Why\u2019d ya do that, Joe knows where abouts we were gonna be, Grandma Jo did too,\u201d Hoss wondered out loud, looking questioningly to his father. Ben and Adam shared a look, both understanding the unspoken message Roy had delivered: Something had happened and neither Joe nor Josephine could tell where the camp was.<\/p>\n \u201cRoy, please, what\u2019s wrong?\u201d Ben pleaded.<\/p>\n \u201cBen,\u201d Roy began, \u201cI\u2019m sorry to tell you, but Mrs. Walters passed away the day before I came lookin\u2019 for you.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOh no,\u201d Ben sighed. \u201cWhat happened?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cDoc thinks it was a combination of things, the heat for one, you know it\u2019s been terribly hot and of course her age. She was getting along in years. Those two things together and well, it was just her time,\u201d Roy explained.<\/p>\n \u201cAnd I added to her load by leaving Joseph with her,\u201d Ben spoke quietly, his voice full of grief and self reproach.<\/p>\n \u201cNow Ben, Paul knew you\u2019d feel that way and told me to tell ya not to take this on yourself. Josephine would have been awful mad if you\u2019d have left Joe with anyone else and you know it. As it was, her last days were full of happiness since she spent them with Joe. She loved that boy,\u201d Roy tried to offer some comfort.<\/p>\n \u201cPa, Roy\u2019s right. Josephine loved spending time with Joe and she must have enjoyed this past week,\u201d Adam added, hoping to console his father.<\/p>\n \u201cOh poor Joe, was he with her at the end,\u201d Ben asked, his eyes full of sadness.<\/p>\n \u201cHe must be powerful upset,\u201d Hoss suggested. \u201cIs that why he could tell ya where we were, he was just too upset to remember?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cRoy?\u201d Adam questions sensing there was more to the story and it wasn\u2019t good.<\/p>\n \u201dBen, lets sit here by the fire, there\u2019s more I got to tell you,\u201d Roy stated sympathetically.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat is it Roy? Joseph is taking Josephine\u2019s death hard, isn\u2019t he? Has he been causing trouble?\u201d Who\u2019s he been staying with all this time?\u201d Ben rattled off questions at Roy while holding him in his gaze trying to gauge his response.<\/p>\n Roy started: \u201cBen, boys, the day Josephine took sick was the hottest day we\u2019d had. In fact, the Doc and me was toting ice around checking on folks, just to make sure they was holding up okay in the heat. It\u2019s funny now that I think on it, we were gonna head out to Mrs. Walters\u2019s place after checkin\u2019 in at Doc\u2019s office.\u201d<\/p>\n Adam was getting impatient and pressed Roy to continue, \u201cGet to the point Roy.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI will Adam, I just wanna make sure you get the whole story, now,\u201d Roy explained.<\/p>\n \u201cAdam please,\u201d Ben cautioned his eldest. \u201cLet Roy continue.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThanks, Ben. As I was sayin\u2019, we weren\u2019t in town, but Kathleen told us that Joe came running into the office looking for the Doc, cause Mrs. Walters was sick. He wouldn\u2019t wait on the Doc, just yelled that he had to get back and high-tailed out of the office. Well we got back some time later and Kathleen told us about Joe\u2019s visit and that she was worried about the boy.\u201d Roy paused to catch his breath and Hoss jumped in with a question.<\/p>\n \u201cShe was worried about Joe? You just told us it was Grandma Jo who was sick, why\u2019d she be worried about Joe?\u201d Hoss asked, confused.<\/p>\n Roy started again as he gently explained, \u201cJoe ran those three miles to town, in the heat and he wasn\u2019t holding up to well, then it looks like he ran all the way back.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben\u2019s shoulders sagged as he began to understand the point of Roy\u2019s story. \u201cGo on Roy, let\u2019s hear it all.\u201d Ben said with a sigh.<\/p>\n \u201cWell, by time we got the message and got out to Mrs. Walters\u2019s place, she was gone and Joe was in a bad way,\u201d Roy explained as he saw each man brace himself for the next part of the story. \u201cPaul called some kind of heat sickness or sunstroke. Joe was out of his head yellin\u2019 at Mrs. Walters to get up, talkin\u2019 crazy. We could hear him before we even got in the yard. Paul said that was part of the sunstroke. By time we got to him he had collapsed. Ben, his skin was burning hot. Paul grabbed him up and put him in the creek and I got an ice bath ready. We did all we could\u2026\u201d Roy was talking steadily, but was quickly interrupted.<\/p>\n \u201cHe\u2019s not, you don\u2019t mean, he\u2019s\u2026he\u2019s\u2026\u201d Hoss was all but choking on the question he was desperate to ask. Ben had reached out and clasped each of his son\u2019s arms, to steady them all for the answer.<\/p>\n \u201cNO!\u201d Roy all but shouted quickly to remove that fear. \u201cNo, Ben, he\u2019s still alive\u2026\u201d Roy paused looked into Ben\u2019s fearful eyes and added, \u201cat least he was when I left. And really he could be fine now, just fine,\u201d he tried to reassure them.<\/p>\n \u201cOr he could be gone, you don\u2019t know do you?\u201d Adam pressed, apprehensively.<\/p>\n \u201cNo, Adam I don\u2019t know. Joe was still unconscious when I left, but he wasn\u2019t any worse than when we found him and that must be good.\u201d Roy tried to sound upbeat, but he really had no answers for the stunned family.<\/p>\n \u201cWe have to get to Joe,\u201d Ben announced and began to issue orders. \u201cHoss, gather our gear and get the horses ready. Adam, you explain things briefly to Del and Will and leave one of them in charge. I\u2019ll tell Hop Sing what\u2019s happening. Roy, we\u2019ll be ready to ride in half an hour.\u201d<\/p>\n The ride to Virginia City was fast and somber. Roy continued to fill in the gaps of his story and answer questions the best he could. Finally an uneasy silence fell over the group after Roy again tried to assure the Cartwrights that everything would be okay.<\/p>\n None of them believed Roy\u2019s words of comfort. How could it be okay<\/em>, Ben thought. Roy\u2019s entire story pointed to just the opposite of okay\u2026it pointed to disaster. The only way to put these fears to rest was to see Joseph and with that thought he urged his horse faster.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n The haggard group pulled their horses up outside the Doctor\u2019s office and hurried inside with a silent prayer.<\/p>\n \u201cPaul, Paul!?!?\u201d Ben shouted as he opened the door.<\/p>\n \u201cBen, Adam Hoss, I\u2019m so glad you\u2019re here.\u201d Paul answered as he rushed to greet the anxious group.<\/p>\n \u201cIs Joseph alright?\u201d It was a question from Ben\u2019s lip and a prayer to heaven above. \u201cWhere is he?\u201d He added.<\/p>\n \u201cHe\u2019s doing much better, Ben\u201d came Paul\u2019s quick response. Four audible sighs were heard in the room.<\/p>\n \u201cOh, thank heavens, thank the Lord,\u201d Ben exclaimed. \u201cYou can\u2019t believe the thoughts that were running through my mind on my way here,\u201d Ben smiled as he explained. He saw Adam and Hoss nodding in agreement.<\/p>\n \u201cYes, I can my friend. I ran that same gamut just a few days ago myself,\u201d Paul admitted and was about to continue when Ben asked.<\/p>\n \u201cCan we see him? He must be driving you crazy wanting to know when we\u2019d get here and when he can go home,\u201d Ben offered apologetically.<\/p>\n \u201cOf course you can see him, for a moment,\u201d Paul answered the family as he was moving to the room where Joe was and he continued to speak: \u201cBut\u2026\u201d The men stopped and turned to stare at the doctor, the joy of the moment leaving and fear returning.<\/p>\n \u201cBut?\u201d Adam questioned as he raised one eyebrow. Ben and Hoss stood stunned again, their emotions rolling up and down.<\/p>\n \u201cAs I said, he is doing better, physically, but there are still some issues. Why don\u2019t you all go see him? Let him know you\u2019re here, and then we\u2019ll talk. Please don\u2019t make a fuss or be visibly alarmed by anything he says or does. Just be positive and upbeat and I\u2019ll try to explain what\u2019s going on after you\u2019ve seen him.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201dWhat are you talkin\u2019 about Doc? What\u2019s he gonna do?\u201d Hoss asked alarmed by these odd instructions.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m not sure Hoss, I just don\u2019t want any of you to draw any attention to what you might perceive as odd behavior,\u201d Paul tried to explain.<\/p>\n \u201cCome on boys, lets see your brother,\u201d Ben said with a weak smile as he locked concerned eyes with Adam.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Joe was sleeping lightly as Ben approached him and gently stroked his hair. \u201cJoseph, son, can you hear me? Pa\u2019s here now.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe stirred as his father\u2019s voice reached through his sleep. He had wanted his father desperately, but now with his Pa so close, fear seized his heart and clouded his mind. Too much had happened, too many questions tormented his thoughts, there was just too much to deal with to think clearly, but he wanted to see his father, so he slowly opened his eyes.<\/p>\n Seeing Joe awake, Ben smiled warmly and sat on the edge of the bed. He opened his arms to his child wanting him to sit up into an embrace as he spoke. \u201cWell hello young man,\u201d Ben crooned softly.\u00a0\u00a0 But Joe didn\u2019t move and he didn\u2019t respond.<\/p>\n Ben was stunned when his normally emotional and physical child didn\u2019t rush to him\u2026but he remembered what the doctor had told them. He shared a quick glance at Adam and Hoss and changed his approach. He gathered his arms back to himself and quickly moved to pick up Joe\u2019s hand. He held the hand tenderly and massaged it lightly. Still Joe didn\u2019t respond. After a moment of awkward silence, Ben spoke gently and apologetically to his youngest, \u201cSon, I\u2019m sorry it took us so long to get here. I understand you\u2019ve had a rough time of it, but how are you feeling now?\u201d<\/p>\n Finally Joe answered. \u201cTired and have a headache. Gonna sleep now.\u201d And with that Joe withdrew his hand from his father, turned on his side and closed his eyes.<\/p>\n Feeling as though they had been dismissed, the elder Cartwrights were shocked and each watched Joe as he tried to sleep and shut them out. Finally Hoss spoke to cut the tension, \u201cOkay Shortshanks, you rest now and we\u2019ll see you later, right Adam.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cSure thing. We\u2019re all here now Joe, so you just take it easy,\u201d Adam tried to sound upbeat.<\/p>\n Doctor Martin had stood quietly in the doorway to watch for Joe\u2019s reactions to his family. As the scene came to a close, he sadly shook his head. He had drawn his conclusions as to what was happening with Joe. As the Cartwrights moved to the door, Doc Martin motioned with his head for them to follow him into the office.<\/p>\n \u201cWell gentlemen, that\u2019s what I was talking about. I didn\u2019t want to say anything before you saw Joe. I was hoping that seeing you all would draw him out some.\u00a0\u00a0 Sit down, Ben, boys, let\u2019s talk. How much did Roy tell you?<\/p>\n Seeing that Ben was still stunned by the odd reunion with his baby, Adam answered the doctor. \u201cHe told us Joe had a sunstroke and that he was unconscious when he left. He also told about how you found the boy.\u201d<\/p>\n Nodding his head in agreement, Paul began \u201cJoe was in desperate condition when we found him. Thank God we got to him when we did, any longer and we surely would have lost him.\u201d Paul noticed all eyes glued to him as he continued. \u201cHis temperature was extremely high, and we did all we could as quickly as possible to cool him off. But,\u201d he paused to take a deep breath and the sound of the doctor inhaling was ear shattering as all the others held their breath. \u201c\u2026but I don\u2019t think it was enough.\u201d<\/p>\n A tear rolled down Ben\u2019s face, and he chewed his lip as he heard Hoss asking questions.<\/p>\n \u201cWhatcha talkin\u2019 about doc? How can it not be enough? Joe\u2019s alive and well?\u201d<\/p>\n There was an awkward silence as Hoss\u2019s question rang in each man\u2019s ears.<\/p>\n Adam rested his hand on his father\u2019s shoulder as he asked, \u201cBut he\u2019s not well, is he, Paul?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI don\u2019t think so.\u00a0\u00a0 He was unconscious and in a coma for a long time and when he finally came around he was acting very strangely. He spoke very little, only answering direct questions. He seems very different from the Joe Cartwright we all know and love. He readily admitted to feeling unwell. He never asked about Josephine or what happened. But oddest of all is he never asked for you Ben. I was hoping this was a manifestation of all that\u2019s happened and once you all arrived he would respond to you. But as we all saw that didn\u2019t happen.\u201d<\/p>\n Finally, Ben found the composure to speak. \u201cSo what are we dealing with, Paul?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cBen, I\u2019m so sorry, but all the medical literature points to the same thing. I think Joe has suffered some brain damage from the heatstroke and it appears to be affecting his personality. Obviously, he\u2019s not the same boy he was a week ago.\u201d Paul explained.<\/p>\n Hoss dropped his head in his hands. His mind was racing\u2026how could things change so quickly. Just this morning he, Adam and Pa were happy and laughing, basking in the joy a job well done and now their world had turned upside down<\/em>.\u00a0\u00a0 He was shaken from his thoughts by Adam\u2019s voice.<\/p>\n \u201cHave you had him up and around? Can you tell if anything else is affected? Is it just his personality or is his intelligence damaged?\u201d Adam pressed.<\/p>\n \u201cI really don\u2019t know all the answers here Adam. I was holding out hope that this behavior was the result of shock from the events. Clearly now that doesn\u2019t seem so. He must have been with Josephine when she became ill. I don\u2019t know if he was with her when she died or what happened. As far as other damage, I don\u2019t know. I haven\u2019t done further tests with him. Physically, I let him take the lead as to what he felt up to. And honestly, that\u2019s been nothing. He\u2019s not asked to get up or to go home, nothing. He\u2019s been forthright with his symptoms. When I ask how he\u2019s feeling, he tells me specifically.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cSo how long\u2019s he gonna be this way, doc? When\u2019s he gonna get better?\u201d Hoss asked innocently, hoping that someday this would all be behind them.<\/p>\n \u201cOh son,\u201d Ben sobbed, pulling Hoss to him, \u201che\u2019s not going to get better.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhat?\u201d Hoss shouted in shock.<\/p>\n \u201cHoss, the sunstroke damaged Joe\u2019s mind\u2026his personality. That means the way he does things, faces things\u2026his outlook on the world it\u2019s all different, he\u2019s different, he\u2019ll seem like a different person,\u201d Paul tried to explain.<\/p>\n \u201cCan\u2019t we just teach him stuff over again? Ya know teach him how he was?\u201d Hoss asked.<\/p>\n \u201cHoss, don\u2019t you see, how do you teach someone when to giggle, to be mischievous, to run when they should walk, to be loving, to be a light\u2026to be Joe,\u201d Adam said as he squeezed his father\u2019s shoulder. The look on Hoss\u2019 face revealed his horrified understanding of the situation.<\/p>\n Tears continued to roll down Ben\u2019s face as he tried to listen to the questions and the explanations. But all he could think about was how much he loved Joe\u2026would this change that love? <\/em>He wondered and immediately knew the answer: NO!<\/em> Joe was his son; his baby and he would love him no matter what the future held. Snapping back to the conversation at hand, Ben could hear Adam questioning the Doctor.<\/p>\n \u201cSo should we test him Paul? Check his intelligence, maybe his memory?\u201d Adam quizzed.<\/p>\n Before Paul could answer, Ben spoke up. \u201cIt doesn\u2019t matter, not now any way.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cBut Pa, we have to know. We should have Paul make some test right away, so we know what we\u2019re faced with,\u201d Adam presented his case to his father.<\/p>\n \u201cWhy? Would it change how you feel about your brother?\u201d Ben asked softly.<\/p>\n \u201cNo, of course not,\u201d Adam responded.<\/p>\n \u201cSo as I said it doesn\u2019t matter. Joseph is my son and I love him no matter how smart he is or how much he responds to my love. And if he doesn\u2019t respond then I\u2019ll love him enough for both of us. You can test him all you want Paul, later. Right now I want to take my son home. I don\u2019t care if I have to take care of him for the rest of my life, if he needs me then I\u2019ll do it,\u201d Ben declared firmly then turned to Paul. \u201cWhen can we take Joseph home, Paul?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWell, as I said, physically he is doing very well. I think he can go home whenever you are ready to take him. You should probably rent a wagon, I\u2019ll loan you a mattress and bedding to make him comfortable,\u201d Paul offered.<\/p>\n \u201cHoss you go see about getting what we\u2019ll need. Adam will you help me get Joseph ready,\u201d Ben directed, hoping that having Adam help will reassure his eldest son that this was the right thing to do.<\/p>\n \u201cOkay Pa, I\u2019ll be right back,\u201d Hoss called to his father as Ben moved into Joe\u2019s room. \u201cYa\u2019ll right Adam?\u201d Hoss asked as he turned concerned eyes to his older brother.<\/p>\n \u201cSure Hoss. Pa\u2019s right. We all love that little guy no matter what and whatever\u2019s wrong with him, he\u2019ll surely do better dealing with it at home.\u201d Both brothers shared a slight smile before they moved to their assigned tasks.<\/p>\n Adam entered to room to see his father begin to try and wake Joe. At the first touch to his shoulder, Joe\u2019s eyes snapped open.\u00a0\u00a0 Adam sadly shook his head, not even that\u2019s the same, it should take a good 20 minute battle to rouse that boy from sleep<\/em>, he thought.<\/p>\n \u201cWell young man, the doctor says you are free to head home,\u201d Ben offered cheerfully. Getting no response except a penetrating stare, Ben pressed on, but began to understand just how different dealing with this new Joe would be. \u201cWell, I for one, am anxious to get home, so let\u2019s get you dressed and ready and by then Hoss should be here with a wagon. Is that alright with you son?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYes,\u201d came the clipped response from Joe.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Before leaving the Doctor\u2019s office, Paul provided instructions for Joe\u2019s care.\u00a0 \u201dLet him sleep as much as he needs to, Ben. Then try to return him to the routine of the ranch\u2026his chores and other normal activities. But don\u2019t overdo\u2026take your cues from his behavior and how he seems to be coping. And, old friend, as hard as it will be, try not to dwell on the changes, just accept him as he is. I\u2019ll be out in a few days to check him over.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cDo you expect any improvements,\u201d Ben asked trying to keep the hope from his voice.<\/p>\n \u201cNo, I\u2019m sorry Ben, but no I don\u2019t,\u201d Paul, replied sadly.<\/p>\n Hoss came in at the point and announced they were ready to go.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019ll see you soon, Ben,\u201d the doctor stated. Ben inhaled deeply as he turned and left the doctors office.<\/p>\n The ride to the Ponderosa was quite and solemn. Joe said nothing and that alone was the greatest oddity. None of the elder Cartwrights could remember trip to or from Virginia City where Joe didn\u2019t talk their ears off. And now the silence was a grim reminder of all that had changed so quickly. Hoss wanted to start a conversation with his baby brother, be he didn\u2019t know what to say to him, but anxious to break the silence, he started with his father. \u201cPa when do you think Hop Sing will be home? I betcha Shortshanks is hankerin\u2019 for some of his fried chicken, ah little brother?\u201d<\/p>\n Joe stared at Hoss and paused before answering, \u201cNo,\u201d came the flat response.<\/p>\n Hoss pressed his lips together hard and turned sad eyes to his father. Ben offered him a warm smile but it did little to comfort the teenager who was feeling as if he\u2019d lost his best friend.<\/p>\n Adam tried next to fill the silence. \u201cWell no matter what we eat, we sure have plenty of stories for you Joe. I bet your itching to hear every detail from the timber camp, aren\u2019t you?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo,\u201d was Joe\u2019s clipped response.<\/p>\n That one word was too much for Hoss, as a tear slipped down his face. Hoss thought about what the old Joe would have been doing\u2026he would have pumped them for every detail of the timber camp, but this new Joe didn\u2019t want to know anything. And the more he thought about Joe the more upset he became until he finally turned tear filled eyes to his father. \u201cPa?\u201d Hoss asked in a cracking voice. \u201cMind if I ride on ahead and get a start on the chores, they must be pilin\u2019 up.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cGo on son, we\u2019ll be there soon,\u201d Ben answered gently. He knew Hoss was having a hard time dealing with the \u2018new\u2019 Joe and hoped some time alone would give Hoss a chance to accept the situation.<\/p>\n _________________________________<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Life at the Ponderosa was strained. Ben tried valiantly to ease his sons back into their comfortable routine but it was a struggle. He just didn\u2019t know how to deal with Joe.\u00a0\u00a0 He seemed to be the antithesis of himself. The boy was quiet, only spoke when spoken too, and then his answers were typically one short, clipped word. His promptly did as he was told, without argument. He was up early. His room was neat as a pin. He kept to himself, physically\u2026not hugging or touching anyone. And then there was the staring. Ben was reluctant to leave Joe alone, so he made sure someone was always with him. But whoever watched over the boy was subject to relentless, boring into the soul, unnerving staring.<\/p>\n It was that first day back at the ranch when Ben first noticed the staring. He had kept Joe home with him that day and each time he glanced up from his reading to check on his son he would find Joe staring at him. Ben then remembered what had happened that morning:<\/p>\n Ben woke early and went to check on his youngest and was alarmed to find his bed not only empty, but perfectly made and the room spotless. Quickly, Ben headed down the hall, calling for Hop Sing.<\/p>\n \u201cHop Sing, Hop Sing?!\u201d Ben called from the top of the stairs.<\/p>\n \u201cWhy you yell? What you want?\u201d The little cook scolded, as he hurried up the stairs.<\/p>\n \u201cJoseph\u2019s not in his room. Have you seen him?\u201d Ben asked anxiously as he scanned the room below. He visibly relaxed as he followed Hop Sing\u2019s point to the table.<\/p>\n \u201cOh, there he is. What\u2019s he doing? Has he been there long?\u201d Ben asked concern evident in his voice.<\/p>\n \u201cBoy just sit and stare at Hop Sing. Watch all time. Boy sitting at table in dark when Hop Sing get up. Not right\u2026just not right,\u201d Hop Sing sadly shook his head as he turned back toward the kitchen.<\/p>\n Ben took a deep breath and fixed a smile to his face as he went to greet his son.<\/p>\n \u201cWell good morning, Joseph, it\u2019s nice to see you up and dressed so early.\u201d There was no response, so Ben continued, \u201cI know you’re feeling fine, but I want you to take it easy today and stay inside.\u00a0\u00a0 I don\u2019t want you to get too hot. Remember, Paul told us could easily overheated again, so take it easy, all right? Son?\u201d Ben knew Joe hated being told to follow doctor\u2019s orders and he was hoping for a spark of defiance from Joe. It was not to be.<\/p>\n \u201cYes,\u201d came Joe\u2019s passive replied.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Ben returned to the moment, and glanced again at Joe, who still sat staring at him. With a deep sigh and shake of his head, Ben returned to his book, and out of the corner of his eye he thought he saw Joe make a small smile.\u00a0\u00a0 Ben\u2019s brow furrowed as he read the same paragraph over and over as his mind wandered around the same questions: What\u2019s going on with this staring and did Joseph smile?<\/em> He vowed to discuss these latest developments with Doctor Martin during his next visit.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n A pall seemed to settle over the house. The changes in Joe\u2019s behavior brought a change to the atmosphere at the Ponderosa.\u00a0\u00a0 Joe\u2019s constant staring was starting to take its toll on the family, especially Hoss. It was just unsettling to have someone intently watching your every move. Finally, one morning as Hoss and Little Joe sat together at the table waiting for breakfast, Hoss snapped. \u201cDadburnit, Little Joe, quit staring at me. You\u2019re givin\u2019 me the creeps watching me all the time. Now just quit it!\u201d he shouted as the stood and leaned across the table.\u00a0\u00a0 Joe just sat and continued to stare at Hoss as he yelled apparently unphased by the outburst. Adam hurried from the kitchen with his coffee as he heard the yelling and tried to calm his brother. \u201cHoss, come on. Yelling at him won\u2019t help.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cJUST QUIT IT NOW JOE!!!! Hoss bellowed again.<\/p>\n Hoss continued to breath hard in anger leaning over the table towering over Joe as Adam reached out and gently took hold of his arm, \u201cHoss, Hoss you\u2019re yelling at Joe.\u201d He said calmly.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat?\u201d Hoss asked as he turned and broke eye contact with Joe.<\/p>\n \u201cI said, you\u2019re yelling at Little Joe.\u201d Adam repeated.<\/p>\n \u201cOh,\u201d Hoss said sheepishly as he plopped down into his chair and continued in a regretful tone, \u201cWell \u2026 I\u2019m sorry \u2018bout that, \u2026but\u2026gosh Adam\u2026I just\u2026.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI know, buddy, I know.\u201d Adam agreed sadly, understanding Hoss\u2019 outburst and his guilt for being upset with their little brother\u2026for he was struggling with those feelings, too.<\/p>\n Ben sighed deeply as he heard the exchange. His heart was aching for his sons and he just didn\u2019t know how to help them.\u00a0\u00a0 He continued toward the table and looked to Joe to send him outside for a moment, when he saw it again\u2026the slight smile. Ben was confused by Joe\u2019s response to being yelled at, it was another instance of a completely opposite reaction Ben thought\u2026Joe should be upset by being yelled at by his beloved brother, yet here he was nearly smiling<\/em>. Again Ben vowed to talk to Dr. Martin, as he approached Joe.\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cJoseph, please go bring in some wood for Hop Sing.\u201d<\/p>\n Wordlessly, Joe left the table to do as he was told. Ben turned his attention to his other sons. \u201cHoss, are you alright, son?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYa, Pa I\u2019m fine.\u201d Hoss tried to explain himself. \u201cI\u2019m sorry I yelled at Joe. Its just, well, you won\u2019t get mad will ya Pa?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOf course not son. I know this is a hard time for all of us. You can say your peace,\u201d Ben said patiently, though he dreaded what his son might say.<\/p>\n \u201cWell, I love Little Joe, you know that, it\u2019s just\u2026well I reckon, I just don\u2019t like him much right now. I mean he stares at me all the time and it gives me the creeps. He don\u2019t talk, he won\u2019t play checkers or nothing anymore\u2026it\u2019s like he\u2019s not Joe no more and I miss him,\u201d Hoss poured his heart out to his father and older brother.<\/p>\n \u201cOh, Hoss, I\u2019m so sorry son. I know this is hard and I\u2019m struggling with this too. We just have to keep trying to find our way. It will<\/strong> get easier, I promise.\u201d Ben tried to console is son with a promise he prayed he could keep, as Joe returned to the dining room.<\/p>\n \u201cThank you for getting that wood for Hop Sing, Joe. Now come sit down for breakfast. Your brothers and I were just about to discuss the plans for today. And, I think we all have an easy day coming to us. Let\u2019s get the morning chores done, boys, then we can all head down to the lake for a picnic and some fun. How does that sound boys?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHot diggitty! That sounds great Pa,\u201d Hoss exclaimed, \u201cYa hear that Shortshanks, a picnic! Sounds like fun huh?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cFine,\u201d was the standard reply from Joe.<\/p>\n _______________________________________________<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cHow was picnic, Mista Cartwright? Where are boys?\u201d Hop Sing asked as Ben carried the basket into the kitchen. \u201cThey are tending to the horses,\u201d Ben answered, purposefully avoiding the first question. But the sad countenance did not go unnoticed by Hop Sing. \u201cPicnic not go good?\u201d He asked.<\/p>\n \u201cIt was fine,\u201d Ben said, then smiled a sad little smile, \u201cI sound like Joe, don\u2019t I? But it was fine. The boys did some fishing and had a bit of a swim.\u201d Ben explained further.<\/p>\n \u201cBoys?\u201d Hop Sing questioned, but knowing the answer.<\/p>\n Sighing Ben answered, \u201cWell Adam and Hoss anyway. Joe didn\u2019t even watch his brothers he just sat and stared at me the whole time. I tried to get him to sit with me to watch the boys or go for a walk but he just said no and continued to stare at me. Like Hoss said this morning\u2026it was rather creepy.\u201d Again Ben sighed deeply.<\/p>\n \u201cThere more on mind?\u201d Hop Sing gently pushed knowing his boss needed a friend.<\/p>\n \u201cYes\u2026\u201d Ben paused and Hop Sing thought Ben face reflected something he\u2019d never seen before\u2026it was hopelessness. Ben continued, his voice straining with emotion, \u201cI realized this afternoon that I\u2019ve been telling the boys that we needed time and that things would get easier, that things would get better. But now\u2026, now I\u2019m not sure that I believe that. I mean in the past when any of the boys were sick or injured, I knew that if I were patient, followed the doctors orders that they would recover\u2026I\u2019ve always had hope. But this time, I\u2019m lost. There are no orders to follow. No matter how patient I am, time won\u2019t heal my son and I don\u2019t know what to do. I don\u2019t understand what he needs, I don\u2019t know if he\u2019s happy. The only time he even changes expressions is when someone get frustrated with him or is yelling at him\u2026. I just don\u2019t know\u2026He won\u2019t talk about what happened to Josephine, he won\u2019t talk about anything for that matter. One-word answers\u2026that\u2019s all I get. Oh I can\u2019t help but blame myself for what\u2019s happened. If I\u2019d only taken Joseph with us, or left him his horse then he wouldn\u2019t have run to town\u2026I don\u2019t know\u2026\u201d Ben paused and inhaled a long breath before he continued. \u201cI\u2019m sorry Hop Sing. I didn\u2019t mean to burden you with all this.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHop Sing not mind and understand. Know sometimes it feel better just too talk. Hop Sing always listen. But all this not your fault. Just happen. You not know Missy Josephine to die, can\u2019t blame self. Only wish could do something to help Little Joe and family,\u201d Hop Sing said.<\/p>\n \u201cMe too, my friend, me too. Well, I\u2019m awfully tired. Would you tell the boys I\u2019ve gone off to bed?\u201d Ben asked.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat about supper?\u201d Hop Sing asked.<\/p>\n \u201cNot tonight Hop Sing. Just tell the boys for me. Good night,\u201d Ben stated, his voice laden with emotion and regret. Hop Sing nodded knowing Ben needed some time alone.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Hop Sing was setting the table as Adam entered the house.\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cSupper ready soon. Where brothers?\u201d Hop Sing asked.<\/p>\n \u201cThey\u2019re still in the barn doing some chores, they\u2019ll be in soon. Where\u2019s Pa?\u201d Adam asked.<\/p>\n \u201cFather tired, said to tell you, he going to bed. He blame self for all the wrong with Little Joe,\u201d Hop Sing offered.<\/p>\n \u201cI know,\u201d Adam said sadly. \u201cWe\u2019ve talked some about it and in his head he knows it\u2019s not his fault, but he can\u2019t look at the kid without tearing his heart out. It\u2019s easy to say things will get easier, but living it day to day is turning out to be a lot harder,\u201d Adam added.<\/p>\n \u201cYes,\u201d Hop Sing softly agreed, then asked remembering what had happened that morning, \u201cMista Hoss okay with Little Joe helping.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI think so, Hop Sing. He still feels bad about yelling at him this morning and is trying to make up for it.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n About an hour later Hoss came in the front door with Little Joe at his heals. \u201cWe\u2019re done Adam. When\u2019s supper?\u201d Hoss asked.<\/p>\n Adam, who was sitting in his favorite chair reading when his brothers came in looked up slowly and said, \u201cWell Hop Sing said \u2018soon\u2019 about an hour ago, so I\u2019d say soon.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHa ha, very funny, we\u2019re hungry, ain\u2019t we Joe? Hoss grumbled jokingly. And Joe said nothing, but he was looking around the room. Hoss noticed his little brother\u2019s searching eyes and asked the question he knew Joe wanted the answer to. \u201cHey, where\u2019s Pa?\u201d<\/p>\n Adam relayed the information give to him, \u201cHe said he was tired and went off to bed.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe started to shake as the digested the words Adam said. Tired<\/em> word raced through his mind, Pa was tired, it just couldn\u2019t be\u2026how could that be\u2026Grandma Jo said she was tired<\/em>\u2026Joe\u2019s mind was a whirl until finally he screamed out his terror and frustration: \u201cNO\u2026NO, NO, NO<\/strong>!!!!!\u201d Joe burst out in full emotional fury and his brothers stood completely shocked. Adam and Hoss were both on their feet and staring in shock at their little brother as Joe ranted and raved and took apart the room. \u201cHE CAN\u2019T BE TIRED!!!\u201d Joe screamed as he drew his arm along the credenza pushing everything: hats, gun belts, jackets and statues to the floor. \u201cDO YOU KNOW HOW HARD I\u2019VE TRIED?\u2026. I TRIED AND I TRIED, EVERY DAY, EVERY MINUTE, ALWAYS ON GUARD, ALWAYS, EVERY SECOND\u2026\u201d Joe continued ranting at the top of his lungs, waving his arms and stomping his feet. And to his stunned brothers he was making no sense.<\/p>\n \u201cBUT I CAN\u2019T DO IT\u2026I CAN\u2019T AND NOW HE\u2019S TIRED! PA\u2019S TIRED!! IT\u2019S MY FAULT; IT\u2019S ALL MY FAULT. IT\u2019S ALWAYS MY FAULT\u2026OH GOD WHY? WHY? WHY DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING\u2026WHAT MORE CAN I DO?<\/p>\n Adam and Hoss looked at each other stunned. Adam recovered first and tried to calm his brother. \u201cJoseph, calm down now boy, let\u2019s calm down and talk this over\u2026everything\u2019s going to be alright.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cALRIGHT, ALRIGHT\u2026HOW CAN EVERYTHING BE ALRIGHT? IT\u2019S NOT GONNA BE ALRIGHT. DON\u2019T YOU KNOW?! ADAM, DON\u2019T YOU KNOW WHAT\u2019S HAPPENED? OH WHY? WHY?\u201d Joe continued to scream as tears streamed down his face.<\/p>\n \u201cNo, I don\u2019t know Joe, please tell me, pl\u2026,\u201d Adam tried to reason with his brother and was cut off as Ben raced down the stairs bellowing: \u201cWhat in heavens name is going on down here?\u201d<\/p>\n Joe went ghost white as he stared in shock at his father who now stood at the base of the stairs. \u201cPa,\u201d Joe croaked out in a whisper and then crumbled to the floor in a faint.<\/p>\n \u201cJoseph!\u201d Ben cried as he crossed the distance to his son in three long steps.<\/p>\n \u201cHoss, go for the doctor.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cRight away, Pa. I\u2019ll go fast,\u201d Hoss call over his shoulder, as he pulled open the door.<\/p>\n Ben cradled Joe as he sat on the floor with his youngest and spoke in hushed tones to his oldest. \u201cAdam, what happened?\u201d<\/p>\n Shaking his head in confusion, Adam replied, \u201cI\u2019m not sure Pa\u2026Hoss asked me where you were and I told him what Hop Sing had told me that you were tired and gone off to bed. That\u2019s when Joe exploded. He started screaming \u2018no\u2019 over and over. He cleared the side board and was screaming gibberish.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhat was he saying?\u201d Ben pressed for details as he continued to hold Joe tightly.<\/p>\n \u201cHe was going on and on about you being tired and how hard he tried, that everything was his fault, then why something keeps happening\u2026I told him to calm down that everything would be alright. Then he went off again saying that I didn\u2019t know and then just why, why why\u2026then he saw you and just froze and you saw the rest,\u201d Adam concluded with a sign, then asked, \u201cWhat do you think is going on with him, Pa?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI don\u2019t know,\u201d Ben said with a shake of his head. \u201cLet\u2019s get him upstairs to bed and try to bring him around. Hopefully he\u2019ll be calm enough to talk to me.\u201d<\/p>\n ________________________________<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cJoseph, Joseph son, its Pa. It\u2019s time to wake up now son, I want to talk with you,\u201d Ben urged gently.<\/p>\n Slowly Joe opened his eyes and locked onto his father\u2019s face. As he stared at his father the tears came and started to roll down his face. Joe took a shaky hand and touched his father\u2019s cheek and sobbed: \u201cOh Pa, please, please don\u2019t die. I\u2019ll try harder, I promise.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0 Ben shot a confused look across the room to Adam, who just silently shook his head, to indicate he didn\u2019t understand what Joe was talking about either.<\/p>\n \u201cOh Joseph, I\u2019m not dying, son,\u201d Ben tried to explain.<\/p>\n \u201cYes, yes you are, I know it. I thought you already had,\u201d Joe cried pitifully as sobs shook his small body.<\/p>\n \u201cWell as you can see I haven\u2019t and I\u2019m not going to any time soon. Do you understand me?\u201d Ben asked gently. Joe shook his head and continued to cry. \u201cWhat, son? Why do you think I\u2019m dying?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cBecause,\u201d Joe exclaimed his voice rising in fear. \u201cEveryone does\u2026Momma, Sunny, Grandma Jo, and you were tired. And\u2026\u201d his voice trailed off\u2026he couldn\u2019t tell his father why it was his fault.<\/p>\n \u201cOh Joseph, just because I was tired doesn\u2019t mean I\u2019m going to die. Look at me Joe, I\u2019m okay, really.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe still just shook his head. He knew it was his fault and his father was the one who didn\u2019t understand.<\/p>\n \u201cJoe?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo Pa, No\u2026it\u2019s my fault, but I can try harder, I will, I will,\u201d he shook as he cried, completely inconsolable.<\/p>\n \u201cTry harder at what, son?\u201d Ben was desperate to get to the bottom of Joe\u2019s problems.<\/p>\n But Joe couldn\u2019t talk any more; he was too upset to speak. All the emotions he\u2019d kept bottled inside for so long was pouring out in sobs and he was hysterical.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n Ben sat and held Joe for quite a while as he cried his heart out. The child was completely overwrought and his emotions were raw. Ben prayed the doctor would come soon he knew his son needed a sedative to calm down. Adam had slipped from the room and waited downstairs for Hoss to return with the Doctor. A short time later, Paul and Hoss burst into the room.<\/p>\n \u201cAdam, how\u2019s Joe?\u201d Hoss asked anxiously.<\/p>\n \u201cHe\u2019s terribly upset, and he did some talking to Pa, none of which made much sense to us, but it was sentences.\u00a0\u00a0 I think he\u2019s all right. Really, Hoss, fine.\u00a0\u00a0 Paul, let me explain all that\u2019s happened.\u201d<\/p>\n Adam explained to Paul and Hoss all that transpired between Joe and Ben and also filled in the gaps as to what brought on Joe\u2019s explosion. \u201cSo it looks like he\u2019s got something cooking in his head and I think he\u2019s been stewing over it this entire time, but we have no idea what it could be. Quite possibly it\u2019s about Josephine. But, it looks like his mind is fine, Paul. You\u2019d better go up, Joe needs something to calm him down and let him rest. He\u2019s drained, but too upset to sleep,\u201d Adam explained.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019ll go settle your brother, then I\u2019ll bring your father down, I think we need to discuss what\u2019s been going on with Joe and see if we can figure out how best to help him. But from what you\u2019ve has told me it sounds like I was way off the mark with my diagnosis. Thank God.\u201d Paul breathed a sigh of relief. \u201cWhat a wonderful relief,\u201d Paul continued. \u201cLet\u2019s go up and check him over,\u201d Paul added as he started up the stairs.<\/p>\n Hoss was beaming with joy, but double checked with Adam. \u201cAre ya sure Adam, he\u2019s fine? Thinking good and all?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWell you saw him too, Hoss. He was talking well shouting, up a storm and then what I saw between him and Pa, well there is a lot more to talk about and I think he\u2019s holding back what ever happened to Josephine, but I think he\u2019ll be all right, this was the sort of emotional outburst I\u2019d have expected from the old Joe.\u00a0\u00a0 I think we\u2019ve all suffered through a huge misunderstanding. Leave it to Joe, this could only happen with him,\u201d Adam shook his head.<\/p>\n \u201cHot digitty, we\u2019re getting our Joe back. It\u2019s like a miracle!!!\u201d Hoss exclaimed as he and Adam climbed the stairs behind Doctor Martin.<\/p>\n Paul headed to Joe\u2019s room reviewing in his mind the events that led him to his diagnosis: Perhaps I only saw what I was looking for\u2026I was anticipating brain damage so that\u2019s what I saw\u2026I should know better when treating this boy, that nothing is black and white\u2026there is always a huge gray area. <\/em><\/p>\n \u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n Paul could hear Joe as he walked down the hall and Ben\u2019s face as he entered the room said it all. \u201cOh Thank God you\u2019re here. Joe\u2019s been sobbing his heart out now for nearly two hours. I can\u2019t calm him down,\u201d Ben said wearily over the crying.<\/p>\n \u201cI can see that. Adam told me we\u2019ve had a breakthrough of sorts. He looks exhausted. Let me mix him a light sleeping powder and see if that doesn\u2019t settle him,” Paul explained and then mouthed to Ben: Then we can talk<\/em>. Ben nodded his understanding.<\/p>\n _______________________________<\/p>\n <\/p>\n “So how\u2019d ya explain all the odd stuff he\u2019s been doing? That starin\u2019 at us all the time and not talkin\u2019 much?\u201d\u00a0\u00a0 Hoss asked, starting the conversation bluntly.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019d imagine he\u2019s been having trouble dealing with what happened to Josephine. It must have been very traumatic and if he was with her when she died, well that could explain a lot,\u201d Paul started to explain and then Ben jumped in, \u201cand he couldn\u2019t express what he was feeling and we all know how that boy can work up a fret. Lord knows what his mind cooked up and it seems the longer it went on the more upset he was making himself. I think he\u2019s making himself sick,\u201d Ben offered sadly understanding Joe\u2019s physical pain, as his stomach churned, as he thought of all his son had suffered.<\/p>\n \u201cHas he told you anything about Josephine\u2019s death?\u201d\u00a0\u00a0 Paul asked gently. \u201cPerhaps something that happened this afternoon that stirred up a memory for him,\u201d he added with a small shrug of his shoulders.<\/p>\n \u201cHe hasn\u2019t initiated any conversations at all. He barely answered direct questions,\u201d Ben explained.<\/p>\n \u201cAnd all that was said before this episode began, was that your father was tired and went to bed?\u201d Doctor Martin pressed searching for answers. He was not about to offer up any solutions in haste this time.<\/p>\n \u201cYes\u201d and \u201cYup\u201d came immediately from both Adam and Hoss respectively.<\/p>\n \u201cWell I don\u2019t know what to say Ben, until we can get Joe to talk to us, calmly\u2026I just don\u2019t know how to explain this behavior,\u201d Paul said apologetically.<\/p>\n As the four men talked no one noticed the small figure slip quietly down the stairs and sit on the landing hugging his knees to his chest.<\/p>\n A pause in the conversation was filled by a small voice, \u201cI want Pa,\u201d came the pitiful whisper.<\/p>\n Quickly, Ben leapt to his feet and was at Joe\u2019s side, \u201cI\u2019m right here son, your Pa\u2019s right here.\u201d Picking up his son, Ben could feel him shiver through his thin nightshirt. \u201cYou’re cold, lets go sit down by the fire, Okay?\u201d<\/p>\n Joe nodded.<\/p>\n Ben settled himself and Joe into his favorite red leather chair. \u201cIs that better? You feeling warmer?\u201d Again Joe nodded. Ben gave a sad look to the others in the room, and his face spoke volumes\u2026he feared they were back to square one with Joe\u2019s strange behavior. For a few minutes everyone sat in silence. Finally it was Joe who spoke.<\/p>\n \u201cShe was tired too,\u201d he offered as a matter of fact.<\/p>\n Ben was the first to recover from the shock of Joe initiating a conversation and responded, \u201cWhat\u2019s that son? Who was tired?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cGrandma Jo,\u201d Joe answered softly, then he took a deep breath and let the whole story out. \u201cI tired her out Pa, just like you said not to, but I did\u2026I didn\u2019t mean it. She got tired. We tried to get back to the house, but I couldn\u2019t help her much and when we made it to the porch she was too tired to climb the stairs and said she just wanted to sit down by the tree. She was real white and sweaty. She told me she loved me and to always remember that.\u00a0\u00a0 I tried to get the Doc, but I couldn\u2019t do that neither. I let her down, Pa.\u201d<\/p>\n Tears rolled down his face as he told of Josephine\u2019s last moments.<\/p>\n \u201cOh Joseph, I know that must have been very scary for you, but nothing you did caused Grandma Jo to die and you didn\u2019t fail her, you brought her a lot of happiness. She loved you very much, just like she told you,\u201d Ben tried to soothe his child.<\/p>\n \u201cBut that\u2019s why Pa. It always happens and it will to you too. And you\u2019re tired.\u201d Joe tried to explain as the tears started to roll down his cheeks.<\/p>\n Then it started to dawn on Ben the connection Joe was making. \u201cOh no Joseph, just because I was tired, doesn\u2019t mean I am going to die. Sometimes being tired, just means you\u2019re tired.”<\/p>\n Paul Martin jumped in here, \u201cJoe, Josephine was an older lady and she lived a good long life. Her being tired was a symptom of her heart failing her not the cause of her death. Do you understand?\u201d Joe nodded his head up and down again.<\/p>\n \u201cBut, she loved me\u2026she said so,\u201d Joe said sadly.<\/p>\n Ben sent another confused look to the others in the room. Adam moved to kneel in front of his father and brother and picked up Joe\u2019s hand. \u201cIs that the \u2018why\u2019 Joe?\u201d He asked gently.<\/p>\n Joe nodded yes again, tears flowing in earnest again.<\/p>\n \u201cDo you think that bad things happen to people who love you?\u201d Adam felt he found the key to Joe behavior.<\/p>\n Joe nodded again and added \u201cAnd especially to the people I<\/strong> love, too,\u201d he said with the emphasis on \u2018I\u2019. \u201cAnd I tried to stop, but I couldn\u2019t do it,\u201d he sobbed.<\/p>\n \u201cTried to stop? Stop what son?\u201d Ben wanted to Joe to get it all out.<\/p>\n \u201cLoving you, but oh \u2026 I can\u2019t\u2026. I can\u2019t not love you, Pa,\u201d Joe sobbed and sobbed and Ben\u2019s heart was breaking, as he finally understood what his son was thinking.<\/p>\n \u201cPlease don\u2019t love me no more, Pa\u2026that works. Mr. Greene don\u2019t like me and he\u2019s fine, but Grandma Jo died, Sunny died, Mama died. Don\u2019t ya see Pa, you will too.\u201d Joe cried, trying to make his father understand is little boy logic.<\/p>\n Ben tightened his hold on his son as a lone tear rolled down his face. \u201cOh precious. I could never stop loving you any more than you could stop loving your brothers and me. And I know now that what you\u2019ve trying to do, but it doesn\u2019t work. Not loving us wouldn\u2019t keep us safe it would only make us miserable and lonely for you. That is what you\u2019ve been doing isn\u2019t it, trying not to love us and to get us not to love you?\u201d Ben could feel Joe\u2019s head shake yes on his chest.<\/p>\n \u201cBut I can\u2019t do it no more Pa\u2026it makes my stomach hurt all the time.\u201d Joe sobbed as he spoke.<\/p>\n \u201cI bet it did.\u201d Ben started as he cuddled his son. \u201cLoving your family is just part of who you are Joseph and you can\u2019t snuff it out like a candle, as much as you might try. And you\u2019re a very special part of our family and nothing you could ever do could make us stop loving you. In fact, if you had stopped<\/strong> loving me, that\u2019s when I probably would<\/strong> die\u2026\u2026. of a broken heart. I need you to understand that nothing you did or didn\u2019t do caused Grandma Jo to die. In fact, I know you did everything you could and put yourself at great risk trying to help her. Okay?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOkay,\u201d Joe answered.<\/p>\n It was a start, and Ben knew they would have more talks and more tears as they tried to come to terms with Josephine\u2019s death and Joe\u2019s fears. But it was a start.<\/p>\n \u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad______________________________<\/p>\n Later that evening, Ben was heading down the hall toward his room after securing the house for the night and he paused outside Joe\u2019s room when he heard his son\u2019s voices.<\/p>\n \u201cBut why did you stare at us all the time, Joe?\u201d Hoss just had to know, because the staring had been driving him crazy.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m sorry about that Hoss. At first, I was trying to make some memories. Cause I thought you all was gonna die, so I need to memorize you. But then when I saw it was makin\u2019 ya mad, I just kept doing it to so you\u2019d hate me.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOh, I\u2019m sorry I yelled at ya shortshanks, but you was givin\u2019 me the creeps.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThat\u2019s okay Hoss,\u201d Joe said with a smile. \u201cCan you sleep with me tonight Hoss?\u201d<\/p>\n “You betcha, scoot over. I glad you\u2019re all right Joe. I was missin\u2019 ya.\u201d Hoss said as he climbed in the bed.<\/p>\n \u201cI still miss Grandma Jo, Hoss,\u201d Joe said so softly Ben could barely hear, but he did hear and what he heard made him sad.<\/p>\n \u201cI know punkin, but it\u2019ll get easier every day,\u201d Hoss tried to offer comfort. \u201cIt has before,\u201d he added hopefully.<\/p>\n \u201cI don\u2019t know, I guess, I still miss mama, too,\u201d Joe said sadly.<\/p>\n \u201cYeah\u2026me too,\u201d Hoss agreed.<\/p>\n \u201cI love you Hoss,\u201d Joe said with a sniff.<\/p>\n \u201cI love you too Little Joe,\u201d Hoss answered.<\/p>\n All was quite for a moment and Ben started to move toward his room his heart heavy for the grief all his sons had to bare but, he paused when he heard Joe\u2019s voice again.<\/p>\n \u201cCan we go fishin\u2019 tomorrow Hoss?\u201d Joe asked in that special way does to get what he wants.<\/p>\n Ben moved down the hall with a lump in his throat but a smile on his lips\u2026life goes on, he thought and thank God it does.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n The End<\/strong><\/p>\n \u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n <\/p>\n