{"id":29202,"date":"2020-06-05T22:23:12","date_gmt":"2020-06-06T02:23:12","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=29202"},"modified":"2025-09-25T15:39:16","modified_gmt":"2025-09-25T19:39:16","slug":"studio-executives-9-negotiating-clingers-going-natural-and-the-big-ticket-item","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=29202","title":{"rendered":"Studio Executives #9: Negotiating Clingers, Going Natural, and the Big-Ticket Item (by pjb)"},"content":{"rendered":"

Summary:\u00a0<\/strong> A day in the life of the Studio Executives. (Believe me–you don’t want their jobs.)<\/p>\n

Approximately 1,870 words. Rating: PG.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Studio Executives Series:<\/strong><\/p>\n

The Real History of “The Crucible”<\/a>
\nLittle Joe Cartwright’s Very, Very, Very Bad Day<\/a>
\nThe Roberts Dilemma<\/a>
\nA Ponderosa Christmas . . . Or Maybe Not<\/a>
\nMen of the Ponderosa:\u00a0 A Valentine’s Day Treat<\/a>
\nOn the Other Hand<\/a>
\nFake History<\/a>
\nA Sharp Idea<\/a>
\nNegotiating Clingers, Going Natural, and the Big-Ticket Item<\/a><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

*******************<\/p>\n

Studio Executives #9:\u00a0 Negotiating Clingers, Going Natural, and the Big-Ticket Item<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

by pjb<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Scene: Interior. Conference room.<\/em><\/p>\n

Present: STUDIO EXECUTIVE #1, STUDIO EXECUTIVE #2, STUDIO EXECUTIVE #3<\/em><\/p>\n

SE #3:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 You\u2019ve got to be kidding.<\/p>\n

SE #1: <\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 I wish. I just got off the phone with his agent.<\/p>\n

SE #2: <\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 I hate it when the agents call. I mean, they never say anything like, \u201cGee, my client\u2019s so happy with all your hard work!\u201d<\/p>\n

SE #3: <\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Tell me about it. It\u2019s always \u201cThe other guys got more screen time!\u201d or \u201cHe didn\u2019t like his lines!\u201d or \u201cHis hat looks stupid!\u201d<\/p>\n

SE #1: <\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 That was only Landon, and we got rid of that little black number.<\/p>\n

SE #2: <\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 He was right about it looking stupid. Whose idea was it, anyway?<\/p>\n

SE #1: <\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 I don\u2019t know. Wardrobe, probably.<\/p>\n

SE #3: <\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 I\u2019ll tell you this much\u2014ever since the guys went to the uniforms, Wardrobe\u2019s a whole lot happier.<\/p>\n

SE #2: <\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Uniforms?<\/p>\n

SE #3: <\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 That\u2019s what Wardrobe calls them, where the guys always dress in the same outfits.<\/p>\n

SE #1: <\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Does Wardrobe think we did that to make them<\/em> \u00a0happy?<\/p>\n

SE #3: <\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 I think so. (everyone chortles)<\/em><\/p>\n

SE #2: <\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 So nobody told them how much money we\u2019re saving by being able to reuse all those long shots of the guys riding along here and there, and how we couldn\u2019t do it before because you couldn\u2019t have Greene wearing a jacket in a long shot and then showing up at the door in a vest?<\/p>\n

SE #1: <\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Practically the only thing we swap out now are Landon\u2019s pants, and they\u2019re all the same color.<\/p>\n

SE #2: <\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 But some of them . . . (whistles)<\/em> \u00a0You couldn\u2019t pay me enough to wear pants that tight.<\/p>\n

SE #3: <\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Believe me, we pay him enough for it.<\/p>\n

SE #1: <\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Tell me about it. Did you see his last contract? Not only is there a line item for hair color, but there\u2019s a per-episode bonus each time he has to wear the clingers.<\/p>\n

SE #2: <\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 The whats?<\/p>\n

SE #1: <\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Clingers. You know\u2014the ones that cling to his butt and . . . everything else.<\/p>\n

SE #3: <\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 I never knew there was a name for those.<\/p>\n

SE #1: <\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 That\u2019s because you<\/em> didn\u2019t have to negotiate it with his agent. (mimicking a whiny voice)<\/em> \u00a0\u201cMike says they\u2019re really uncomfortable, plus<\/em> I know a urologist who says that wearing pants that tight can cause fertility issues, so if you want him to wear those, it\u2019s gonna cost you.\u201d (rolls his eyes)<\/em>\u00a0 Believe me, that\u2019s not a conversation I ever want to have again. Next time, we pay whatever he wants, and I don\u2019t care if it means every love interest for the next ten years has to wear the same friggin\u2019 blue dress.<\/p>\n

SE #3: <\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Fertility issues? Doesn\u2019t Landon already have, like, a dozen kids?<\/p>\n

SE #2: <\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Hey, is that why he has that really high laugh? Like, the clingers are squeezing his jewels too tight?<\/p>\n

SE #1: <\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 All I can tell you is, between Landon\u2019s markup and the censors screaming that those pants are so tight they\u2019re practically obscene\u2014<\/p>\n

SE #2: <\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 –which, let\u2019s face it, they are\u2014<\/p>\n

SE #1: <\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u2014we had to cap it at six of those episodes a season.<\/p>\n

SE #2: <\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 I\u2019m guessing the censors don\u2019t realize how many of the ladies tune in just for that particular bit of scenery.<\/p>\n

SE #1: <\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 (snorting)<\/em> RCA still thinks it\u2019s about those pretty views of Lake Tahoe in living color. (everybody chortles)<\/em><\/p>\n

SE #3: <\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 The censors are idiots. They don\u2019t care about viewership. With them, it\u2019s public decency and all that crap.<\/p>\n

SE #2: <\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 We\u2019re just lucky nobody wants to put clingers on anybody else. (everybody shudders) <\/em><\/p>\n

SE #1: <\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Anyway, back to the problem of the day.<\/p>\n

SE #3: <\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 As long as I don\u2019t have to think about Landon\u2019s private parts, I\u2019m game for anything. Whaddya got?<\/p>\n

SE #1: <\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Roberts. (everybody groans)<\/em><\/p>\n

SE #2: <\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Lemme guess. He doesn\u2019t like the scripts.<\/p>\n

SE #3: <\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 He never likes the scripts.<\/p>\n

SE #2: <\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Maybe he doesn\u2019t like Hop Sing\u2019s cooking anymore.<\/p>\n

SE #3: <\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Or he got into an argument with his horse.<\/p>\n

SE #1: <\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Better than any of it. (the other two eye him)<\/em>\u00a0 He thinks they should all go natural.<\/p>\n

SE #2: <\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 (spits out his coffee) \u00a0<\/em>You mean\u2014<\/p>\n

SE #3: <\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 He can\u2019t. He can\u2019t mean it.<\/p>\n

SE #2: <\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 So much for Landon\u2019s clinger bonus.<\/p>\n

SE #1: <\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Not naked<\/em>, you idiots! (the others sigh in relief)<\/em>\u00a0 He thinks they should all go with their natural hair.<\/p>\n

(dead silence)<\/em><\/p>\n

SE #2: <\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 He does realize that\u2014well, he doesn\u2019t actually have<\/em> a whole lot of natural hair?<\/p>\n

SE #1: <\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 I think that\u2019s the point. He\u2019s tired of wearing a hairpiece.<\/p>\n

SE #2: <\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 The Germans call it a fifi<\/em>. (the others stare at him)<\/em>\u00a0 My wife\u2019s got these German language records. She wants to go to Munich next summer. I\u2019m telling you, every night, it\u2019s Fraulein this and\u2014<\/p>\n

SE #1: <\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 (yelling at the top of his lungs)<\/em>\u00a0 Who gives a crap?<\/em> (everybody sits in silence for a minute) \u00a0<\/em>Seriously, guys\u2014are we really supposed to worry about what to call<\/em> the friggin\u2019 thing? Is that<\/em> \u00a0our biggest problem?<\/p>\n

SE #3: <\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 I\u2019m with Phil. Who cares what it\u2019s called? So Roberts doesn\u2019t wear a hairpiece. Make Adam bald. Problem solved.<\/p>\n

SE #1: <\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 You think?<\/em> \u00a0Pa\u2019s son, who is supposed to be twenty years younger than Pa, is bald as a billiard ball, and there\u2019s no problem there?<\/p>\n

SE #2: <\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 He\u2019s gonna look like Pa\u2019s brother from back east, not his little boy.<\/p>\n

SE #1: <\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Exactly. So Roberts\u2019s solution is that they should all<\/em> \u00a0trash the hairpieces and just go natural.<\/p>\n

SE #3: <\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Holy crap.<\/p>\n

SE #2: <\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Does Greene know about this?<\/p>\n

SE #1: <\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 I\u2019m waiting for the call. Roberts isn\u2019t exactly the soul of discretion.<\/p>\n

SE #3: <\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 (awed)<\/em> \u00a0Greene is gonna go through the roof.<\/p>\n

SE #2: <\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Did you know the guy has three different pieces? One to look like he just got a haircut, one to look like his hair\u2019s growing, and one for when he \u201cneeds\u201d a haircut.<\/p>\n

SE #3: <\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 You\u2019ve gotta be kidding me.<\/p>\n

SE #2: <\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Nope.<\/p>\n

SE #2: <\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 What about Blocker? What does he think?<\/p>\n

SE #1: <\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 He doesn\u2019t give a crap. I mean, remember how his hair\u2019s already looked for the first few years. He\u2019d probably be happy as a clam to shave it all off and call it done.<\/p>\n

SE #3: <\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 The only problem he\u2019d have would be keeping his hat on. We\u2019d have to get some double-sided tape to stick inside so it didn\u2019t slide off.<\/p>\n

SE #2: <\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 What about Landon? The only thing that kid has that\u2019s bigger than his jewels is his hair.<\/p>\n

SE #1: <\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Roberts thinks he should stop dyeing it.<\/p>\n

SE #3: <\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 He thinks Little Brother should be as gray as Pa?<\/p>\n

SE #2: <\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Grayer. Have you seen Landon in the off season? I\u2019m telling you, one time I saw him when he hadn\u2019t had his roots done\u2014forget gray<\/em>, the kid\u2019s hair is practically white<\/em>.<\/p>\n

SE #1: <\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Yeah, I know. No way in hell is Landon giving up his Miss Clairol. He\u2019d walk first.<\/p>\n

SE #2: <\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 And take his clingers with him, I bet, and sell that<\/em> merchandise someplace else.<\/p>\n

SE #1: <\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 No question.<\/p>\n

SE #3: <\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 I hear they\u2019re hiring in Vegas.<\/p>\n

SE #1: <\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 But seriously\u2014what do we do about Roberts?<\/p>\n

SE #2: <\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Are you kidding? Just tell him \u201cno.\u201d<\/p>\n

SE #3: <\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 It\u2019s a stupid idea.<\/p>\n

SE #2: <\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 The thing I don\u2019t get is this. He\u2019s a smart guy\u2014I mean, really savvy. No way he ever thought you were going to go for it.<\/p>\n

(everybody looks at each other as understanding dawns)<\/em><\/p>\n

SE #1: <\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 (slowly)<\/em>\u00a0 Which means he wants something else, and this was just the opening bid.<\/p>\n

SE #2: <\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 The question is, what does he want?<\/p>\n

SE #3: <\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 What does he always want? To get out of his contract.<\/p>\n

SE #1: <\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 We all know that\u2019s not gonna happen. Mr. D. was crystal clear about that.<\/p>\n

SE #2: <\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 So what are our choices?<\/p>\n

SE #1: <\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 (presses button on phone)<\/em> Hey, Stella? Listen, we\u2019re gonna be working through lunch in here. Bring us some sandwiches from the commissary, and don\u2019t forget the pickles.<\/p>\n

SE #2: <\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 And potato salad.<\/p>\n

SE #3: <\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 And chocolate pudding. They make the best chocolate pudding.<\/p>\n

(several hours later)<\/em><\/p>\n

SE #1: <\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 (looking around at dozens of balled-up pieces of paper)<\/em> So that\u2019s it. That\u2019s our final offer.<\/p>\n

SE #2: <\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 (reading from his yellow legal pad)<\/em>\u00a0 All talent who currently wear hairpieces will continue to do so at all times when they\u2019re on camera. All such hairpieces will be subject to approval by management.<\/p>\n

SE #3: <\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 So Roberts doesn\u2019t get the bright idea to wear some hippie hairpiece.<\/p>\n

SE #2: <\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Exactly. Landon will continue to color his hair Miss Clairol Medium Neutral Brown, golden highlights optional. All costuming will be as designated by Wardrobe and agreed upon by Management. No talent other than Landon will be required to wear clingers at any time.<\/p>\n

SE #1: <\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Or asked to.<\/p>\n

SE #2: <\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 We\u2019re not putting that in the proposal.<\/p>\n

SE #3: <\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 I can just see Blocker saying that if Landon gets to wear clingers, so should he.<\/p>\n

SE #1: <\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Nah. He wouldn\u2019t do that for Roberts. On the other hand, if Landon was complaining about it, Blocker would do it in a heartbeat. Those guys love to mess with each other.<\/p>\n

SE #3: <\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Guys, come on!\u00a0 <\/em>Let\u2019s finish this piece of crap and go home!<\/p>\n

SE #1: <\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Sheesh, settle down. What\u2019s left?<\/p>\n

SE #2: <\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 The big-ticket item.<\/p>\n

SE #1: <\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 I don\u2019t know. I still don\u2019t like it.<\/p>\n

SE #2: <\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 I\u2019m telling you, it\u2019ll work.<\/p>\n

SE #1: <\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 I hope you know what you\u2019re doing.<\/p>\n

SE #3:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 I don\u2019t care. I gotta get out of here. My wife expected me home three hours ago.<\/p>\n

SE #1:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Maybe if you wear Landon\u2019s clingers, she\u2019ll forgive you.<\/p>\n

SE #2:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Would you guys just shut up! (picks up the phone)<\/em>\u00a0 Hey, Stella\u2014yeah, sweetheart, I know it\u2019s late, but we\u2019re almost done. You can go home soon. Just get me Roberts\u2019s agent, okay, baby?<\/p>\n

(everybody crosses their fingers)<\/em><\/p>\n

* * * * * *<\/p>\n

Scene:\u00a0 The Ponderosa. Interior.<\/em><\/p>\n

Present:\u00a0 BEN CARTWRIGHT, ADAM CARTWRIGHT, HOSS CARTWRIGHT, JOE CARTWRIGHT<\/em><\/p>\n

BEN:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/strong>(thundering)<\/em> \u00a0Have they lost their minds?<\/em><\/p>\n

HOSS:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/strong>That\u2019s downright stupid!<\/p>\n

JOE \u00a0\u00a0 <\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 I\u2019m calling my agent right now!<\/p>\n

BEN:\u00a0 <\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Not before me! Give me that! (wrestles JOE for the phone)<\/em><\/p>\n

HOSS:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/strong>You two just wait a goldarned minute! (forces BEN and JOE apart)<\/em>\u00a0 Now gimme that dadburned phone!<\/p>\n

ADAM:\u00a0<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 (sitting in the blue chair, strumming his guitar and singing)<\/em>\u00a0 Goin\u2019 to the chapel and I\u2019m \/ Gonna get ma-a-a-ried \/ Gonna get married and I\u2019m \/ Gonna get some you-know-what \/ Gonna have a wife who doesn\u2019t \/ Drop dead in twenty minutes \/ Goin\u2019 to the Chapel of Love!<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

************<\/p>\n

As we all know, Adam\u2019s final attempt at matrimony (and getting laid) was not successful, and he departed the Ponderosa for\u2014well, we never really got a firm answer on that. On the other hand, we’re pretty certain whatever he ended up doing, it likely involved him finding a pretty young thing and getting some you-know-what. And he probably didn\u2019t even have to wear his hairpiece to score.<\/em><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

<\/div>\n

<\/g><\/svg><\/i> \"Loading\"<\/p>\n

<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Summary:\u00a0 A day in the life of the Studio Executives. (Believe me–you don’t want their jobs.)
\nApproximately 1,870 words. Rating: PG.
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