{"id":30791,"date":"2020-10-31T21:44:15","date_gmt":"2020-11-01T01:44:15","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=30791"},"modified":"2025-09-25T15:38:56","modified_gmt":"2025-09-25T19:38:56","slug":"for-love-and-honor-by-sandspur","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=30791","title":{"rendered":"For Love and Honor (by sandspur)"},"content":{"rendered":"

Summary: This is a blast from the past. This tale was on BonanzaWorld back in 2009, and appeared in\u00a0The Best of BonanzaWorld<\/em> book, but it hasn’t been posted anywhere else, ever. A follow-up to Death at Dawn, this story focuses on what happens to a man of action (the guy who does what needs to be done) once the action is over.<\/p>\n

PG<\/p>\n

Word Count: 9435<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

For Love and Honor<\/strong><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWalk faster, damn you!\u201d Sam Bryant said under his breath, yanking the rope that bound Ben Cartwright\u2019s hands behind him.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m not a calf to be branded,\u201d Ben replied quietly, making no attempt to pick up his pace. \u201cAnd if you wanted me to be in better shape for my return, you shouldn\u2019t have had your thugs pound me so hard.\u201d<\/p>\n

Bryant ignored him, intent on the crowd ahead, but Ben smiled, feeling sweat on the hand that held his arm as Bryant called out, \u201cListen to me\u2014all of you! Look! I brought Ben Cartwright back! I didn\u2019t do nothin\u2019! And\u2026an\u2019 you done right, hangin\u2019 Farmer Perkins!\u201d Hastily, he began to untie the knots, and Ben felt the man\u2019s fear in the way his hands fumbled uncertainly with the rope. Ben suppressed the smile he felt\u2026everything would be all right now, of that he was sure. There was a crowd in front of the jail, but he had eyes only for three men\u2014his sons.<\/p>\n

Things happened fast then\u2014dimly Ben recognized that wild-eyed kid McNeill, pushing through the crowd with a rifle, shouting something about how Bryant had let them all down, had let the Farmer down, and then the kid was shooting. It was more weakness and the suddenness of Bryant\u2019s letting go than Ben\u2019s own common sense, but whatever it was he found himself lying in the middle of the street with bullets whizzing over his head as McNeill took his indignation out on Bryant. Then there was a hail of gunfire in return, and he realized it was his three boys, all with deadly accuracy pouring lead into McNeill with such force that the kid was knocked from one part of the porch to another, landing on the ground already dead. Ben glanced back, the movement hurting his rope-burned neck and taxing his back where the men had kicked him, but he had to be sure. Sam Bryant would terrorize Virginia City no more; he was dead.<\/p>\n

When Ben managed to turn his head back, all three of his sons were with him. Joe, murmuring, \u201cPapa!\u201d like a child, and Hoss, with tears in his eyes, were pulling him to his feet; Adam circled Hoss and came up from behind almost timidly, reaching his hand out\u2014but drew back as if burned as soon as he touched his father\u2019s jacket.<\/p>\n

Ben cast a brief, puzzled glance at Adam. He felt a little crazy and dizzy and elated all at the same time as Joe asked if he was all right. \u201cYeah, I\u2019m all right,\u201d he said with a grin. \u201cI\u2019m fine\u2026you know something?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat?\u201d Hoss asked, and as he turned Ben vaguely noticed Adam\u2019s hand, still in mid-air, almost touching him but a world away.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou boys look awful good to me,\u201d Ben said, his voice catching involuntarily.<\/p>\n

\u201cDear God, let\u2019s get out of here\u2014let\u2019s go home,\u201d Joe muttered fiercely.<\/p>\n

They headed down the street together toward the stable to pick up their wagon. Out of the blue, there was a dragging stumble and Adam disappeared. They stopped in surprise and turned to see him on his knees on the ground. Hoss reached over to help him up, but Adam avoided his touch. \u201cI tripped,\u201d he muttered angrily, managing to get up alone, and he looked at them all as if defying anyone to disagree, even though there was nothing in the street for him to trip over.<\/p>\n

\u201cNo lollygagging, son,\u201d Ben tried to joke. \u201cWe need to get home.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo,\u201d Adam replied, his voice hoarse but still commanding. \u201cPa, you need to see Dr. Martin first.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t, Adam,\u201d Ben replied. \u201cI told you, I\u2019m fine. And I really want to go home.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019re not. There\u2019s dried blood on you and you have some bad rope burns on your wrists and\u2026\u201d his voice trailed off.<\/p>\n

\u201cYour neck,\u201d Hoss whispered. \u201cPa, he was really gonna do it, wasn\u2019t he?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo,\u201d Ben said evenly. \u201cHe was just trying to bully me. None of this matters. I can\u2019t wait to get home.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHe was braggin\u2019,\u201d Joe said suddenly. \u201cThat kid was braggin\u2019 before about how they beat you when they caught you. You might have something busted inside, Pa. We need to go to the doctor\u2019s. Adam\u2019s right\u2026again.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHe always is,\u201d Hoss agreed with a sad kind of smile, and he looked at Adam, but Adam refused to meet his eyes, and stepped away from them.<\/p>\n

Ben had a strange feeling that there was more being said than what he was hearing, but he let it go and allowed them\u2014Joe and Hoss\u2014to tug him over to the doctor\u2019s office.<\/p>\n

Adam went over to fetch the doc out of the crowd still gathered, all talking and whistling and making ooh\u2019s and ahh\u2019s over the shot group in McNeill\u2019s body; they set up a cheer as Adam approached. He ignored them and grabbed Paul Martin by the arm. \u201cCan you examine my father; make sure it\u2019s all right for him to come home?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOf course,\u201d the doctor replied, and they crossed the street together. \u201cYou\u2019re a very popular man in town this morning, Adam\u2014in fact I think the whole Cartwright family is pretty popular today.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSure\u2014until next week. Then we\u2019ll be those damned high-falootin\u2019 Cartwrights again, the ones who \u2018own the town\u2019 and need a good butt whippin\u2019,\u201d Adam replied bitterly. \u201cPaul, take good care of him; I\u2019m goin\u2019 over to the livery for the wagon and our horses. Back in a little while.\u201d<\/p>\n

Funny; after the events just transpired, Paul Martin wouldn\u2019t have thought Adam would let his father out of his sight. But practicality was always good, he told himself as he mounted the steps to his examining room. By the time the wagon was brought around, he was done. Ben had some tender spots in the places Paul prodded, but with a little rest and lots of good nursing\u2014never a shortage of good care when a Cartwright was injured\u2014he\u2019d be all right. Based on the assurances of all three that Ben would be quiet and careful, he\u2019d given Ben a mostly clean bill of health. Of course, that had been a certainty from the time he saw Ben\u2019s face. There was a man who wanted to go home.<\/p>\n

They all helped Ben back outside afterward, somehow managing to make it look as if they were not helping at all, and found the wagon, Sport and Cochise. Only 24 hours ago the four had come into town, Adam and Joe riding, Ben and Hoss in the wagon, ready to pick up supplies and quaff a few brews before heading home again. Funny, it seemed a lifetime ago.<\/p>\n

Paul looked at Adam, who had just walked up from a nearby alley. \u201cYou need a lookover as well, son?\u201d he asked kindly, and realized immediately that he\u2019d made a mistake. It didn\u2019t take a doctor to recognize the white face and wet, red-rimmed eyes of a man who\u2019d just puked his insides out, and now he\u2019d drawn everyone\u2019s attention to it. Adam sent him a loaded glare and turned wordlessly to his horse.<\/p>\n

It took two bounces before Adam managed to pull himself into the saddle. Ben and Hoss were already in the wagon; Joe swung easily aboard Cochise. Paul sighed as he watched them depart. Someday, he\u2019d have to see if, among the updated medical classes being offered, there was anything for \u201cbeing tactful.\u201d<\/p>\n

It was a quiet ride. Weak and tired, Ben still tried to make conversation about how the spring runoff was affecting their low pasture, but all he got from Hoss was \u201cPa, you need to save your strength. You heard Doc Martin; you need to rest.\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe and Adam were completely silent. A couple of times Adam muttered something about needing to check Sport\u2019s shoes, and pulled up, insisting that the others go ahead. Ben could only wonder what was going on, but Hoss quietly overrode his arguments about leaving Adam behind, murmuring that Sport was a fast horse and Adam would have no problem catching up. But as he said it, he looked over at Joe\u2019s grim face, and shook his head.<\/p>\n

Only once before had they ever seen Adam look like this: right after the bullet he\u2019d intended for a wolf had hit Little Joe instead. Oh, he\u2019d stayed calm enough\u2014except for threatening the life of that extortionist Dowd, perhaps, but that was understandable. A couple of days afterwards, though, when Joe was awake and moving about, when Pa was home to take over and things were looking up again, Adam had started disappearing for hours at a time, and when he was around he was white-faced and sick looking, not to mention bad-tempered and non-communicative. Then they\u2019d found a note in shaky writing on the kitchen table, with some nonsense about fence repair. He\u2019d been gone four days then, and Hoss had wondered if he was really heading back East to civilization. But on the fifth day Adam had returned, with not a word said to anyone of where he\u2019d been, what he\u2019d been doing, or why. Even Pa\u2019s taking him aside for a talk had not brought forth any information. Right now Pa was dizzy and sleepy, not noticing the signals, but Hoss and Joe could see them, and while Joe didn\u2019t know what they meant, Hoss was reading them as easily as Adam would read off a quote of Thoreau.<\/p>\n

\u201cTake Pa inside and put him to bed\u2026get Hop Sing to give him some beef broth.\u201d Adam took the reins of the nearest horse on the buckboard, holding them up close to the bit. \u201cI\u2019ll take care of the horses and supplies. Don\u2019t wait supper for me.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t need beef broth; I\u2019m no invalid,\u201d Ben protested. \u201cAnd you need help with all that.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cJust once, Pa, will you not give me an argument when I\u2019m trying to get things done?\u201d Adam shouted, and all three Cartwrights looked at him as if he were a stranger.<\/p>\n

And maybe I am<\/em>, Adam thought. \u201cPa, please,\u201d he continued a little more softly before Ben could explode back at him, \u201cI\u2019ve got a little too much energy right now. I couldn\u2019t sit down if I tried. I just want to work it off\u2014and you promised Paul you\u2019d be quiet, remember?\u201d The pleading worked where the explosion had not. Hoss and Pa disappeared inside. Joe appeared at Adam\u2019s side though, and holding his hat nervously in his hands, he said, \u201cAdam, I\u2019m not askin\u2019 for me. If you\u2019re mad at me I understand. But don\u2019t\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam walked away, and began to unload the wagon. Joe tossed his hat to the ground and began, wordlessly, to help. When the wagon was empty and the horses unharnessed, Joe took them for water, and Adam began un-tacking the saddle horses. Joe came to his side as he led Cochise into his stall. \u201cI\u2019ll take him. You always rub his hair the wrong direction. Kinda like me and you, Adam, we\u2019re always rubbin\u2019 each other the wrong way.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam turned away without replying and took Sport by the reins, only to find Joe by his side again. \u201cAdam\u2026look, I was wrong before. I swear to you, I just didn\u2019t\u2014couldn\u2019t\u2014understand the thinking you were doin\u2019. And I still think you could\u2019ve guessed wrong\u2026and I don\u2019t know if I could\u2019ve lived with that.\u201d With that, he returned to Cochise, never hearing Adam\u2019s whispered, \u201cI know.\u201d Joe finished currying and feeding his horse, and finally, Adam was left alone.<\/p>\n

It didn\u2019t take long to take care of Sport. But his saddle he had put to one side, and now he led out a black mare and replaced the saddle on her.<\/p>\n

Hoss walked in while he was tightening the cinch. \u201cDon\u2019t,\u201d he said quietly but urgently. \u201cPlease.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI just need to think for a while, that\u2019s all,\u201d Adam replied. \u201cNothing to worry about.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cEasy for you to say,\u201d Hoss returned. \u201cWhat are we gonna tell Pa? You know he\u2019ll want the whole story of what happened while he was gone. I\u2019ll face up to it, Adam; I know I was wrong. But you got no call to run away when he wants answers.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo,\u201d Adam said, turning to look up at his brother. \u201cHe\u2019ll sleep for a long time, anyway. Besides, the beauty of Pa is that no matter what he\u2019s thinkin\u2019, he won\u2019t ask until he thinks we\u2019re ready to talk. I can\u2019t talk about this right now, Hoss. I don\u2019t know if I ever can. Feel like I got a grizzly bear on my chest\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBecause me and Joe let you down? We tried to tell you\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n

There was a world of hurt in those summer-sky blue eyes. Adam shook his head forlornly, wishing he could put a hand on his brother\u2019s shoulder, but right now it was hard enough just to saddle a horse. He was pretty sure he\u2019d break in pieces if he tried to touch Hoss. \u201cCan you really ask that? Do you think I blame you? No, Hoss. Never. I just\u2026I just can\u2019t think straight right now. I have to get out of here.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd do what? Where will you go? What\u2019ll you do that\u2019s gonna get all this out of your head? If you know, then please tell the rest of us, \u2018cause we\u2019d like to go there too.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t know. Maybe I\u2019ll go hunting. Or fishing. Or just ride till I run out of road. I don\u2019t know, dammit! I just\u2026I can\u2019t stay here right now. How can I look him in the eye without seeing those burns on his neck and knowing I put them there?\u201d<\/p>\n

Without waiting for an answer he translated his raw nerves into action and jumped into the saddle. Surprised, and sensing his tension, the mare shook her head and plunged straight ahead.<\/p>\n

\u201cAdam!\u201d Hoss cried, to no avail. Adam slapped the mare\u2019s flanks with the reins, and she tore off, leaving Hoss in the dusty barn trying to breathe\u2026and formulate some believable excuse that would satisfy his father.<\/p>\n

*<\/p>\n

It was a routine Thursday night at Bella\u2019s; the piano was tinkling tinnily in the background, and the specialty of the house\u2014nothing more than rotgut with a fancy label on the bottle\u2014was flowing freely despite the especially sparse population of the house on this night.<\/p>\n

One of the main customers was a good-looking stranger who had grabbed a corner table early that day. After beating the living daylights out of a couple of young punks who had come in determined to get both booze and girls without paying, he had anchored himself at that table and slowly but steadily been poisoning himself ever since. He had no interest in any of the card games, and less than no interest in any of the painted ladies roving the place and trying to catch his eye. His one true love seemed to be Bella\u2014the name of the \u201cspecialty liquor\u201d (as well as the name of the house).<\/p>\n

Liz knew with that special intuition common to her profession that the stranger wasn\u2019t after a roll\u2014of dice or a turn of any other kind\u2014one of the hermit types, she would have thought. But she couldn\u2019t help but wonder what he was doing there. This little one-horse town had grown up around a swing station for the stage line, but few people ever came in and stayed. Now and then a miner passed through, or a few cowboys looking for a fancy lady to spend some time with. But this fellow wasn\u2019t a stage passenger. He wasn\u2019t a miner, either, though he seemed richer than one. He was dressed like a cowboy or even a gunslinger, wearing black from head to foot and carrying a Colt low on his hip but covering it all with a yellow barn jacket that seemed to say \u201cno, really, I\u2019m harmless.\u201d He had ridden into town that morning slowly and deliberately; she\u2019d gotten up to pull her shade down so she could sleep a couple more hours when she saw him. He\u2019d headed right into Bella\u2019s, and one of the day girls told her he\u2019d planted himself purposely in that dark corner and looked daggers at anyone who came near him without a refill for his glass.<\/p>\n

It was 9 p.m. and while nobody minded the fellow drinking the night away there\u2014he paid cash after all\u2014there were better and more lucrative ways to pass the time, especially when the cowboy was halfway decent looking and free with his gold. Liz grabbed a full bottle of Bella\u2019s and ambled over to the stranger.<\/p>\n

\u201cLooks like your glass just plumb stays low,\u201d she said quietly. \u201cIt\u2019s cheaper by the bottle, and it\u2019ll do the job faster.\u201d<\/p>\n

The cowboy looked at her through glassy hazel eyes. \u201cDon\u2019 wanna get drunk,\u201d he slurred. \u201c\u2019s why I am slinking it drolly.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou hold it very well,\u201d she said with a straight face. \u201cI\u2019m Liz. What\u2019s your name?\u201d<\/p>\n

That was funny, the way his face changed when she told him her name. She wondered if his wife\u2019s name was Liz, too. But there was another quick change when she asked for his. He thought sullenly for a minute, and finally mumbled, \u201cStoddard.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s different.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cGuess so.\u201d He refilled his glass and looked up, surprised to see her still there. Something like manners possessed him then, and he nodded toward the bottle. \u201cYou wanna drink?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cJust happens I do,\u201d she smiled. \u201cEven happen to have a glass with me.\u201d She sat down with him. \u201cGonna be in town long?\u201d<\/p>\n

No reply. She tried again. \u201cFunny you picked this town to pass through. People like to say Bella\u2019s is right next door to nothing.\u201d<\/p>\n

He snorted and looked around, seeming suddenly to realize where he was. He looked back at her, pushing his hat back to reveal a high forehead and black, wavy hair.<\/p>\n

\u201cCan we go somewhere \u2019n\u2019\u2026talk?\u201d he asked.<\/p>\n

If it had been anyone else she would have acted coy. But there was something about those eyes\u2014even bleary and drunk\u2014that commanded honesty. \u201cFive dollars a throw.\u201d Hardly Virginia City prices, but then this wasn\u2019t Virginia City.<\/p>\n

\u201cHow about for a whole night?\u201d he asked, pushing his hat back to expose a high forehead and black wavy hair.<\/p>\n

She\u2019d never had anyone for a whole night, but managed not to look surprised. \u201cTwenty.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOkay. \u2019s yer room clean?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cFor twenty dollars, it will be,\u201d she replied, grabbing another girl by the arm as she passed by. \u201cChange the sheets, okay?\u201d Annie shrugged and kept going. Liz mustered her best smile for the prospective customer.<\/p>\n

Even better than a card game.<\/em><\/p>\n

*<\/p>\n

Ben had nodded off over the beef broth they had tried to feed him, and had not awakened since. Although he was resting quietly enough now, eventually he\u2019d wake up and then they would have to explain Adam\u2019s absence\u2014whereupon both boys knew all hell would break loose.<\/p>\n

\u201cWe gotta go after him,\u201d Joe announced.<\/p>\n

Hoss had his forehead wrinkled in worry. \u201cI know it. But there\u2019s no point in doin\u2019 it now. You saw him; he was ready to fall apart. I doubt he got ten miles before he made camp.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThen we can catch him at his camp.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd do what? Make him more outta sorts than he already is?\u201d Hoss sighed explosively. \u201cWe\u2019ll wait\u2019ll morning. You know how things are, Joe; everything always looks better come morning. He may even come back on his own.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou don\u2019t believe that any more\u2019n I do,\u201d Little Joe retorted.<\/p>\n

*<\/p>\n

It took the combined efforts of Liz and Annie to pull \u201cStoddard\u201d up to number three. He managed to sway to the only chair in the room, and sighing, poured himself into it. Liz shut the door and went over to him, aiming to pull off his boots.<\/p>\n

\u201cDon\u2019t,\u201d he said quietly when she touched him.<\/p>\n

\u201cLook,\u201d she replied, \u201cI know you cowboys always wanna die with your boots on, but you gotta sleep sometime.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019\u2026I don\u2019t wanna sleep,\u201d Stoddard proclaimed.<\/p>\n

\u201cMe neither, cowboy, not for a while yet,\u201d said Liz with a grin. \u201cBut we have to get your clothes off first.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo, you don\u2019 get it\u2026I wanna tell you a story.\u201d<\/p>\n

Oh dear Lord, she thought, not another \u201cI wanna tell you a story.\u201d Those guys invariably spent half the time whining and crying and the other half puking, usually on the bed.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou ever been to Vir\u2014Virzhin\u2014Virgina Szitty?\u201d<\/p>\n

At Bella\u2019s, the rule of the house was that the customer was always right. This guy was paying for the booze, so she smoothly glossed over his pronunciation and said, \u201cOnce. Thought it would be a big fancy place like my home in San Francisco, but all it was, was overpriced.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYeah\u2026you ever hear any news from there?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNot since Sam Bryant took over the town a couple months back. He likes people to come into town but doesn\u2019t seem too keen on givin\u2019 em back. Are you one of his pals?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNot by a long shot. So you didn\u2019t hear about him dyin\u2019, or his shindy\u2026cindy\u2026sinnacut getting\u2019 shut down.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cLord, no, Mr. Stoddard!\u201d Hey, she thought, maybe this would be a decent story after all.<\/p>\n

\u201cEver hear of the Carrots\u2026Carrits\u2026Carrytes?\u201d<\/p>\n

It took a minute. \u201cOh, yes, the Cartwrights. Sure, who hasn\u2019t? They make up a lot of the entertainment we get out here, or at least they did until news stopped coming out of Virginia City. Ben Cartwright, he owns half the country around Virginia City. Hacked it out of the wilderness. Adam, the oldest\u2014the brains of the outfit, the one who holds everything together. Hoss\u2014right up there with Goliath from the Bible, only nicer, and a little bit shy. Little Joe. The romantic one. Kisses every girl he sees and fights every man. Only there\u2019s a rumor he got his initiation here just a couple years ago, and\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThey are friends of mine,\u201d Stoddard intoned gravely. \u201cThese are real people, lady, not legends, so get all that pigswill outta your head. Two of them walked in on one of Brant\u2026Bryant\u2019s\u2026men, killin\u2019 another fellow. Th\u2019 guy got arrested and sennanced\u2014sentenced\u2014to hangin\u2019.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHah. Bryant wouldn\u2019t let that happen.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, thass what I\u2019m trine to tell you about. Lady, you talk too much.\u201d<\/p>\n

Gee, Bella\u2019s rules made life difficult sometimes. \u201cSorry, Mr. Stoddard, I won\u2019t interrupt again.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSo the sherf\u2026\u201d he paused, went cross-eyed for a minute, and finally continued, \u201cSHERIFF\u2026deputized all four of the Carrots. Nobody else would help. They\u2019re all scared of Brant. But the Carrots did it. Only then Pa\u2026uhm, Pa Carrot, thass what they call him, he\u2026he went to walk the judge to the stage. An\u2019 he din\u2019t come back cuz Brant\u2019s men got \u2019im.\u201d He peered closely at her. \u201cYou keepin\u2019 up with me? You\u2019re not sayin\u2019 nothin\u2019.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m following your story, Mr. Stoddard. You mean Ben Cartwright, is that it?\u201d<\/p>\n

Stoddard gave an exaggerated nod. \u201cYeah. Him.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWas he killed?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m comin\u2019 to that!\u201d he replied sharply. \u201cSo Brant\u2019s\u2014Bryant\u2019s\u2014men got \u2019im and kicked the sh\u2026shtuffing\u2026outta him and took him and hid him somewhere. And my friends, they din\u2019t know whereta look. An\u2019 Bryant sent a note to the sherff that he had Ben Carrot and was gonna hang him if they hanged Parmer Ferkins\u2026\u201d He went cross-eyed again and squinted, finally shutting his eyes and trying again, very slowly. \u201cFarmer\u2026Perkins.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cFarmer Perkins?\u201d she leaned forward, a gleam of genuine interest in her eye. \u201cThat sorry, no good\u2014I\u2019m sorry, Mr. Stoddard, but I know that man, he\u2019s been here before and he should be hanged ten times over. Did you see my roommate Annie, the one who helped bring you up here? What he did to her alone was worth a hanging. Shame your friends had to let him go.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWho said they\u2026lemgo?\u201d Stoddard replied blearily, focusing on her again but with difficulty. \u201cAnybody else would\u2019ve let him go. Anybody normal. But not Ad\u2019m Carrot.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAdam\u2026if he says he\u2019ll do something, you can bank on it. You know him very well?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI know him VERY well. Donchu listen to rumors. He\u2019s an ass.\u201d<\/p>\n

The loathing in his voice made her sit up straight. \u201cI thought the Cartwrights were friends of yours.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNot that Carro-CARTwright,\u201d he said fuzzily. \u201cNot him. You know what happened out there? He said he could read Sam Bra\u2014Bryant\u2019s\u2014mind. Said Bryant was only bluffin\u2019. His own brothers told him he was crazy. But he was acting sherff\u2014sheriff. He went out in public and told everybody that he was gonna hang Perkins, and if Bryant wanted to hang Old Man Cartwright, it was just fine with him. Only thing, he said\u2014if you hang Ben Cartwright the next hangin\u2019 will be YOU, Mr. Bryant. Lord, can you imagine\u2026if he and Bryant had both followed through, half of Virginia City would be strung up from the rafters by now.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou lost me, Mr. Stoddard. Who didn\u2019t follow through? And what happened?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cCartwright\u2019s own brothers told him he was wrong,\u201d Stoddard repeated, his head in his hands. \u201cThey said he was power drunk on accoun\u2019 of the badge. Said he was gambling with their pa\u2019s life. He never even denied it. He just said this was how it was gonna be. And come the dawn, he marched Perkins out to the gallows and hung him like a slab of bacon in a smokehouse.\u201d<\/p>\n

She knew she wasn\u2019t supposed to say anything, so she managed not to say \u201cGood!\u201d aloud. But the way he looked at her, he seemed to know she was thinking it.<\/p>\n

\u201cSure, he d\u2019served to die,\u201d he mumbled, wiping his eyes and nose on his sleeve before putting his head back in his hands. \u201cBut did Pa?\u2014I mean, Ben?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOf course not, but\u2014did he die? You said \u2018if they both followed through\u2019 as if they didn\u2019t. But Adam did. So did Bryant also follow through, or not?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIt doesn\u2019t matter,\u201d he insisted with the absolute moral conviction always exhibited by the very intoxicated during an argument. \u201cWhat kind of son\u2014what kind of son puts his father\u2019s life up against anybody else\u2019s, much less a no-count like Perkins? Even if he didn\u2019t like the old man, shouldn\u2019 he have been a better son than that?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019re sayin\u2019 Adam didn\u2019t like his father?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo, dammit! I\u2019m sayin\u2019 Adam Cartwright is a conceited, self-centered jackass. He\u2019s always so sure he\u2019s right. Gets a notion in his head and will risk anything rather than back down from it. Pa could\u2019ve just as easily died right then and there. You should\u2019ve seen the marks on him\u2026you should\u2019ve seen\u2014a neckerchief can only hide so much.\u201d His voice faded to a whisper and he looked out the window with wet, sightless eyes. \u201cIt was my fault. He damn near died, and it was my fault.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBut Ben Cartwright didn\u2019t die,\u201d Liz said softly. \u201cHe didn\u2019t, did he? Bryant backed down, went to jail and was hanged himself. Right?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWrong. Ben Cartwright didn\u2019t die, no thanks to his darlin\u2019 eldest boy. Bryant did back down, and one of his own men got mad about it and shot him down. So then Joe, Hoss and I shot him. Joe had killed one of them the night before, so that made four of the main members of the, um, synnacut\u2014syndicate\u2014down for good. The others started leaving town, and fast. And of course right now bein\u2019 a Cartwright in Virginia City is enough to buy your weight in steak \u2019n\u2019 beer\u2026but that\u2019s only right now. Next week, there\u2019ll be another, more popular flavor again.\u201d<\/p>\n

Liz sat very still, not too surprised about Sam Bryant, but the growing realization that she was talking to Adam Cartwright himself had crystallized. And, having talked his head off for the past two hours, he seemed to be starting to come out of his alcoholic stupor as well.<\/p>\n

\u201cSo that\u2019s why you\u2019re not in Virginia City,\u201d she said. \u201cCan\u2019t abide the honor. You don\u2019t feel worthy of it.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNor th\u2019 h\u2019pocrisy,\u201d he replied evenly. \u201cSticks to your boots worse\u2019n what you pick up in a pasture.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBut why are you so angry at yourself? It sounds to me like things worked out well for all the decent people. Taking Bryant\u2019s power and hanging Perkins will make some of the best news ever to come out of Virginia City. And your father didn\u2019t die\u2026I mean, your friend\u2019s father didn\u2019t die.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSheesh,\u201d he muttered. \u201cYou lie worse\u2019n I do.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAll right\u2014Mr. Cartwright. Back to the point here. Everybody else in Virginia City is celebrating. Why aren\u2019t you?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBecause I gambled with my own father\u2019s life!\u201d he shouted. \u201cIsn\u2019t that obvious?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNot really, no. Even if your father had died, it would\u2019ve been Bryant that did it, not you. And for what it\u2019s worth, I think you\u2019re probably right about Bryant. He was a bully, and if you\u2019d given in to him he likely would have killed your pa anyway. But standing up to him and showing him he couldn\u2019t scare you, I think you saved your father\u2019s life.\u201d<\/p>\n

He looked hard at her, and had opened his mouth to reply when she reached up and put her finger to his lips. \u201cI listened to you. Now you listen to me\u2014gentlemen don\u2019t interrupt.\u201d<\/p>\n

He raised an eyebrow and then bowed his head exaggeratedly, with a bit of a smirk.<\/p>\n

\u201cWe\u2019re taught when we\u2019re little that we\u2019re supposed to lay down our lives for our friends. Isn\u2019t that so?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYes,\u201d he replied grimly. \u201cThat is what we\u2019re taught\u2014but that\u2019s not reality.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cMaybe, but it\u2019s a principle your father lives by, right?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSo?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSo, seems to me like he would\u2019ve been glad to lay his life down for a whole town full of people, if it would actually stop the killings and all. Your father\u2019s that kind of man. Tell me, was he mad at you when it was over?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cDon\u2019t know. Couldn\u2019t look at him without seein\u2019 those red marks on his neck. Ever look at somebody an\u2019 no matter how hard you try, you just can\u2019t look away from one part? I couldn\u2019t see my own Pa without seein\u2019 his neck instead of his face. An\u2019 I knew I was the reason he had those inzzurrs\u2026INJURIES. It was easier\u2026not to look at all. So\u2026I left.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHmph.\u201d She thought a minute. \u201cWhat about your brothers\u2014are they still mad?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2026don\u2019t think so. But they don\u2019t know why they\u2019re not mad; they just know Pa\u2019s alive.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWell, suppose things had played out different, Mr. Cartwright. Suppose you let Farmer Perkins go, and Bryant gave back your Pa. What would\u2019ve happened then?\u201d<\/p>\n

The question brought about almost instant sobriety. \u201cMy father would never have spoken to me again, that\u2019s certain. I would\u2019ve let him down, him and his cursed principles\u2026.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cForget him for a minute.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAs if I ever could,\u201d he said with a smile.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat about Bryant and Perkins? What would they have done?\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam shrugged. \u201cThey would\u2019ve gone on as before. Human life in Virginia City would be worth less than dirt. When men like that are uncontrolled, they\u2019ll go as far as they think they can, and then further still.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSo you saved the town, didn\u2019t you?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t know. Maybe.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThen it sounds to me like your story had a happy ending, Mr. Cartwright, and I honestly don\u2019t know what you\u2019re bustin\u2019 a gut about now. If your father\u2019s safe, the guilty parties were taken care of, and nobody\u2019s mad at you, why on earth are you 40 miles from home, right next door to nothing, and sittin\u2019 up at midnight with a second-rate\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo.\u201d Adam Cartwright looked at the floor. \u201cLiz, you\u2019ve been a real first-rate lady about this whole thing. Thanks for listening\u2014I just wanted someone to talk to. Someone who didn\u2019t know me. Who didn\u2019t already have expectations; who could help me get the grizzly bear off my chest. I wish you had been that person; I had no idea the stories came out this far.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cMr. Cartwright, I came here from California. The Cartwrights are known even there. So I don\u2019t think you\u2019ll find somebody around here who\u2019s never heard of you.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, since you seem\u2026to know all about me, then you ought to know I can\u2019t live up to my own publicity. Nobody could. I can\u2019t talk to my brothers about it. They think I\u2019m nothing but a walking abacus.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t know what those things are, abacuses. They don\u2019t sound very good.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOh, they\u2019re great, if you want a job done. They\u2019re just functional summing machines, that\u2019s all. And that\u2019s all my brothers think I am. Now do you see why I can\u2019t talk to them? And Pa\u2026oh, he\u2019ll say I did exactly what he would\u2019ve done, but I know better. I just wanted someone who would listen\u2014and be honest. And\u2026I think you did listen, and you were honest, and I appreciate that. Thank you.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd how\u2019d you happen to pick me to talk to, and not Annie or Gemma or Florrie? Did you think I was the prettiest?\u201d<\/p>\n

He chuckled as a deep red blush suffused him, from the tips of his ears right down to his throat. \u201cNo. And don\u2019t get insulted\u2026I picked you because you look a little bit like a picture of my mother\u2014and you also have her name. She died when I was born, and I always used to pretend she was listening, whenever I needed someone to talk to. Only today, it wasn\u2019t working, so when I stopped in here, it didn\u2019t take long to figure I\u2019d be bending your ear for a while, soon as I got up my nerve to do it. And, it\u2019ll also tell you why I\u2019m not gonna partake of your charms. I hope you don\u2019t mind.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, I\u2019m a bit disappointed I reckon,\u201d she shrugged, with a demure smile. \u201cBut only \u2019cause I\u2019m gettin\u2019 off pretty light for the money you put up.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWorth it\u2026\u201d he mumbled, and wiped a dirty hand across his face. \u201cBoy, I could sure use a bath and a shave right now\u2026\u201d And with that, the last 48 hours caught up with him and he slowly slid down the chair to land on the floor.<\/p>\n

Liz quickly checked his pulse. Normal as anything. The guy was sound asleep.<\/p>\n

Liz tried to drag him to her bed, but he was too heavy. Sighing, she called Annie, and with some difficulty they managed to remove his boots and get him on the bed.<\/p>\n

\u201cNow what do we do with him?\u201d Annie asked.<\/p>\n

\u201cI dunno,\u201d Liz replied. \u201cI guess he can stay here.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, Liz, you may like him, but come daylight, it\u2019s my time and I want him gone. That\u2019s where we sleep, in case you forgot.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cTrue, but I thought you might make an exception this time.\u201d She pointed to down. \u201cYou\u2019re lookin\u2019 at your redeemer, girl. That\u2019s the man who hung Farmer Perkins.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWHAT!?!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m tellin\u2019 you, I got it right from his lips. He was actin\u2019 sheriff in Virginia City the last two days, and yesterday mornin\u2019 he hung Perkins by his very own self.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cMy shoulder still pains me, and that scar on my stomach ain\u2019t ever gonna go away. Damn that Farmer, I hope Satan\u2019s makin\u2019 him stick his pecker in boiling oil this very minute.\u201d Annie looked appraisingly at the limp, dirty figure on the bed. \u201cAnd this fella sent him to his reward, huh?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHe did. Annie, that\u2019s Adam Cartwright.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t care who he is, if he took the Farmer outta this world, he\u2019s a friend of mine.\u201d<\/p>\n

Liz and Annie ended up taking the rest of the night off. They slept on the floor, but then since they had both slept in worse places, and under worse circumstances, it wasn\u2019t too bad.<\/p>\n

*<\/p>\n

\u201cBlast it all, I don\u2019t want any more beef broth!\u201d Ben Cartwright shouted. \u201cI am fine, and I want bacon and eggs just like any normal person.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cPa, you ain\u2019t even been home 24 hours,\u201d Hoss pleaded. \u201cYou\u2019re supposed to be resting.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ve been saying ever since yesterday that I feel fine, and I do.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019ve been asleep most of the time, Pa,\u201d Joe said. \u201cHow do you even know how you feel? You ain\u2019t been awake long enough to know anything.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou might as well ask how a horse knows how it feels.\u201d Against the appalled looks of his sons, Ben placed his feet tentatively on the floor and stood up. \u201cThere. I\u2019m not dizzy, I\u2019m not sick. All I\u2019ve got is some bumps and bruises, and they\u2019ll heal on their own.\u201d<\/p>\n

He put on his robe carefully. \u201cWhere\u2019s Adam? I\u2019m surprised I haven\u2019t seen him fussing over me all night like you two, but thank goodness he at least seems to understand I mean what I say.\u201d<\/p>\n

Neither son responded, looking in different directions but away from him.<\/p>\n

\u201cAll right,\u201d Ben said, in dangerously quiet tones, \u201cwhere is he?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThere was a cow calvin\u2019\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHe had to fix a fence\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n

Hoss and Joe stopped as their words overlapped, and looked at each other.<\/p>\n

In town, it was said that Ben Cartwright\u2019s glare could set fire to a haystack at forty feet. It was that look that Hoss and Joe now faced. \u201cPerhaps the two of you would like to hold a meeting first to come up with a SINGLE lie that doesn\u2019t contradict another one!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHe left last night, Pa, right after we got home,\u201d Joe said. \u201cHe never even came in the house.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhy?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWe don\u2019t know, exactly,\u201d Hoss replied softly.<\/p>\n

\u201cHe was mad at me.\u201d Joe shook his head. \u201cI gave him a pretty hard time after Bryant grabbed you, Pa.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo more\u2019n I did,\u201d Hoss added. \u201cBut he said before he left that he wasn\u2019t mad at neither of us. Pa, he was mad at himself. I think it shook him up pretty bad, seein\u2019 what happened to you and thinkin\u2019 about what could\u2019ve happened.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBalderdash,\u201d Ben replied. \u201cHas anybody even looked for him?\u201d The words were spoken as he headed to his bureau for a shirt.<\/p>\n

\u201cI sent a hand into Virginia City and one to Carson City last night, but they didn\u2019t find anything,\u201d Hoss replied. \u201cI didn\u2019t much expect \u2019em to.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, there\u2019s only four directions to pick from,\u201d Joe retorted impatiently. \u201cAnd I\u2019m pretty sure he wouldn\u2019t go to either Virginia City or Carson. Too much\u2026what\u2019s that word he uses, \u2018adulation.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYeah, but there\u2019s a real dearth of places besides them two.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI know.\u201d Joe scratched his head.<\/p>\n

\u201cHe mentioned hunting or fishing\u2026\u201d Hoss suggested.<\/p>\n

\u201cBut we\u2019re pretty sure he didn\u2019t do that either,\u201d Joe stated. \u201cSo we were gonna go look for him as soon as we got you situated, Pa.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cMe, situated?\u201d Ben bellowed. \u201cSituate yourselves! I\u2019m not going to be treated like a five-year-old here.\u201d By now he had his trousers and socks on as well, and had reached for his boots.<\/p>\n

\u201cPa, please, we\u2019ll find him,\u201d Hoss promised. \u201cJust let us go. We gotta settle things between us anyway.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben took a deep breath. \u201cI don\u2019t know what happened among you three while I was gone, and I don\u2019t much care. What I care about is right now. Right now, Adam is gone, and you two look like you couldn\u2019t find an elephant in a bathtub if it was wearing a pink nightgown and a couple of cowbells! Get the horses saddled\u2014that means Buck, too\u2014and be ready to leave in five minutes. We<\/em> are going to find my son<\/em> and bring him home.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHe\u2019s our brother, too,\u201d Joe muttered, turning on his heel and stamping out. And Ben smiled.<\/p>\n

*<\/p>\n

\u201cHe took Pepper Nell,\u201d Hoss announced as they headed to the barn. \u201cShe was the only second stringer put up when we came in.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, at least she\u2019s got feet the size of buckets,\u201d Joe nodded. \u201cShouldn\u2019t be that hard to track.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWait a minute.\u201d A look of revelation came to Hoss. \u201cHe said maybe he\u2019d ride till he ran out of road\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBella\u2019s,\u201d they said in unison.<\/p>\n

\u201cHe wouldn\u2019t dare,\u201d Ben retorted.<\/p>\n

Hoss shook his head. \u201cEverybody who wants to ride till they run out of road goes to Bella\u2019s.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYup,\u201d Joe seconded. \u201cPa, it\u2019s the place that\u2019s right next door to nothing.\u201d<\/p>\n

*<\/p>\n

Adam Cartwright woke up just before noon, with a bit of a hangover, but still ravenously hungry and dying for a bath. There was no restaurant in this hole; Bella\u2019s place served as restaurant, hotel, and bath house, so he was on his own. But the ladies had a large tub in their room, and since they were already awake, he asked for some hot water and a razor while he got a change of clothes from his saddlebags. Annie, who had introduced herself quite warmly for reasons unknown to him, promised she would shave him herself. Liz, thankfully, ushered her downstairs to help get some breakfast together while he bathed. He didn\u2019t feel that all was right with the world just yet, but maybe it would come over time. Of course, he\u2019d have to see Pa first, not something he was looking forward to. He should never have left without at least talking to him first; he knew that now. But they would have that talk, and however bad things were on this side of it, he was pretty sure things would\u2014one way or another\u2014be better after. And he\u2019d never seen anything so bad that a little bit of singing wouldn\u2019t help\u2026<\/p>\n

And so it was that when Ben, Joe and Hoss Cartwright arrived at Bella\u2019s just a little after noon, they heard their brother\u2019s pleasant baritone from the upstairs window above the street, trumpeting \u201cFarewell and adieu to you dear Spanish ladies\u2026\u201d Joe and Hoss exchanged a triumphant glance. For once, they had figured their brother out. Boy, would he get a shock. Although, as they sneaked a peek at their father\u2019s face, they reflected it was probably not as big as the shock Adam would get on finding out who else had come along with them.<\/p>\n

*<\/p>\n

Adam barely had time to get his pants on before the two girls had trooped in, one bearing a shaving cup and a straight razor with a pitcher of steaming water, and the other carrying a cup of coffee and a plate of eggs and ham. He smirked a little. \u201cI\u2019m good, but not that good. I can\u2019t eat and shave at the same time.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cDon\u2019t be silly,\u201d Annie said. \u201cShe\u2019ll feed you; I\u2019ll shave you. Plenty of time between bitin\u2019 and scrapin.\u201d<\/p>\n

Dubiously, he nodded.<\/p>\n

*<\/p>\n

\u201cYou can\u2019t go up there,\u201d a man shouted when Ben, Joe and Hoss came through the door and headed toward the stairs. He was ignored until he tried to grab Ben by the arm, whereupon Hoss turned and slugged him.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou should\u2019ve let me do that,\u201d Ben grumbled, following Hoss.<\/p>\n

\u201cFaster my way,\u201d Hoss replied.<\/p>\n

The slowdown was just enough that Little Joe arrived alone at the top of the staircase and opened the door to find Adam, dressed in trousers and boots, with at a towel round his neck, alternating between bites of breakfast being hand-fed to him by one girl, while another carefully scraped the third-day beard from his jaw.<\/p>\n

\u201cAdam?\u201d Joe squeaked, and quickly slammed the door behind him, leaning back against it with all his weight. A second later he flew across the room when the door burst open on Hoss\u2019s second try, and it was Hoss and Ben whose jaws dropped.<\/p>\n

\u201cUm\u2026morning, fellas,\u201d Adam said, manfully forbidding himself to blush while his brothers exchanged shocked glances, although he was fairly certain the blood had just drained out of his body and into the floor on his recognition of his father. Toujours de l\u2019audace<\/em>, he thought, and lifted his chin defiantly. \u201cHow are you, Pa? Anybody want breakfast?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cUh\u2014no, thanks, Adam,\u201d Joe stammered. \u201cWe were just\u2014just\u2014um\u2026.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI couldn\u2019t eat a thing,\u201d Hoss lied sincerely. \u201cLike Joe said, we just wanted to, um\u2026.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s past noon,\u201d Ben said, very quietly.<\/p>\n

\u201cI just woke up,\u201d Adam replied. \u201cLadies, these are my brothers, Hoss and Joe,\u201d Adam gestured vaguely, seeing as how there was no way a sighted person could mistake the two. \u201cAnd this gentleman here is the lord and master of the Ponderosa, Ben Cartwright. Hoss, Joe, Pa, this lady barber here is Annie, and my own personal chef is Liz.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cMorning, ladies,\u201d the two brothers mumbled, and Ben made no sound while Annie and Liz graciously nodded at him and then returned their attention to Adam. Courteously, he waved the girls back and rose from his chair to put his shirt on. \u201cDuty calls, ladies, but I do thank you for making me feel so welcome. Now, it would seem I have a legend to live up to. Again.\u201d<\/p>\n

He would\u2019ve bolted out the door; but behind his back Liz had glanced over at Joe and Hoss and then grinned at Annie, who winked back.<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, we\u2019ll sure miss you, Adam,\u201d Annie said, and planted a kiss on him before he caught on. \u201cIf you\u2019re ever back at Bella\u2019s\u2026.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThat goes double for me,\u201d Liz said, grabbing his chin and kissing him to seal the bargain. \u201cYou make a great<\/em> abacus as far as I\u2019m concerned. That means I can count<\/em> on you.\u201d<\/p>\n

Somehow, Adam managed to smile at his two unexpected friends before turning and bolting down the stairs.<\/p>\n

\u201cAdam, have I ever told you how much I admire you?\u201d Joe whispered fervently as Adam grabbed the door handle and ushered his brothers out.<\/p>\n

\u201cNo, I don\u2019t believe you have,\u201d Adam whispered back. \u201cBut feel free at any time.\u201d<\/p>\n

Well, at least he\u2019d gotten one laugh out of all this, as he was pretty certain there would be hell to pay for the rest of the trip.<\/p>\n

They all mounted up and turned their backs on Bella\u2019s; after a glare from Ben, Hoss and Joe moved up to take the lead and Ben reined in Buck, despite the horse\u2019s head-tossing protests. Adam likewise slowed down Pepper Nell, who danced a little before settling into a walk beside Buck.<\/p>\n

\u201cCare to explain anything to me?\u201d Ben asked, one eyebrow cocked.<\/p>\n

\u201cNot really, Pa,\u201d Adam replied.<\/p>\n

Ben slowed his horse still more. \u201cAll right,\u201d Ben ground out. \u201cJust tell me this: was it worth it, waking up hung-over and reeking of\u2026of\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOh, Pa, for the love of\u2026\u201d Thank heaven they had created such a distance between them and Hoss and Joe, or his near-wail would have reached their tender ears. \u201cPa, really, you\u2019re not that gullible, are you?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m not sure how gullible I am, at this point,\u201d Ben replied. \u201cAdam, you\u2019re a grown man; you can do what you want. If it\u2019s your desire to spend all your nights at a place like Bella\u2019s, I can\u2019t and won\u2019t do anything about it. But it\u2019s not how you were raised.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd if I spent every night doing what I did last night, I would be getting drunk and whining like a whipped puppy, no more and no less, Pa.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWell,\u201d Ben said hesitantly, \u201cin that case, may I ask what you were looking for at that place?\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam shrugged. \u201cAbsolution. Forgiveness. Comfort. I don\u2019t know.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cFind it?\u201d<\/p>\n

An explosive sigh. \u201cNope.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat did you find, then, if not what Little Joe thinks?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cUnderstanding, I guess. That\u2019s all.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cMaybe you didn\u2019t need the forgiveness,\u201d Ben suggested. \u201cAnd I\u2019m sorry I went to sleep after we got home, but if you had stayed around long enough for me to wake up, you might have found your understanding and your comfort without having to pay for it.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI couldn\u2019t have asked, Pa. I couldn\u2019t even look at you. That\u2019s why I left.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m not that blasted ugly. And running away is not the act of a grown man.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI was a grown man long enough to do what needed to be done,\u201d Adam said through clenched teeth.<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd just what needed to be done?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHanging Farmer Perkins. It needed to be done. I did it. Leave it there, Pa.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAdam, I can\u2019t. I\u2019m proud of you for that, at least. It\u2019s just what I would\u2019ve done.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s a lotta bull, Pa!\u201d again Adam restrained his voice. \u201cTell me you would\u2019ve done it if Bryant had Joe or Hoss, or even me, held hostage. Ben Cartwright would walk into hell barefoot and offer himself up to the devil on a spit just to keep any one of his boys alive for one extra hour. Tell me your principles mean more to you than your children. Tell me and convince me, damn it, because I know better!\u201d<\/p>\n

A very long, strained silence followed.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019re right,\u201d Ben finally said, quietly and with some chagrin. \u201cBut if it matters, I told Bryant you were doing what I would\u2019ve done. At least we presented a unified front.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou know, don\u2019t you,\u201d Adam replied, \u201cthat if you had died there, I couldn\u2019t have lived with that. Hoss and Joe would have blamed me, but no more than I\u2019d have blamed myself.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHoss and Joe would have realized the truth eventually, and I would have thought you\u2019d know\u2014that if I had died, it would have been Bryant\u2019s fault and Bryant\u2019s doing. Not yours. I know your brothers didn\u2019t understand your reasoning. And don\u2019t think they didn\u2019t get an earful from me, Adam. I spent the whole ride out here telling them how wrong they were.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBut Pa, don\u2019t you see, they weren\u2019t wrong! It doesn\u2019t matter if it was Bryant\u2019s doing or not. Principles don\u2019t mean anything without the people those principles are supposed to protect. All the principles in the world couldn\u2019t have comforted them\u2014or me\u2014if you died because I held the law dearer than you.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cMaybe not, at first. We both have reason to know that nothing<\/em> is comforting in the first days after someone you love dies. But it would\u2019ve dawned on you all, bit by bit. And son, I couldn\u2019t have lived with myself<\/em> if you had let that murderous Perkins loose on Virginia City again.<\/p>\n

\u201cAdam, here\u2019s why I couldn\u2019t have done what you did. The situations don\u2019t even closely resemble each other. It\u2019s part of the settled order of things that a parent not outlive his children. You and Joe and Hoss would be sad if I died\u2014but it would kill me if I lost one of you. It\u2019s a physical law, not just something we\u2019re used to. Out in the wild, the most timid deer will fight a cougar to protect its fawn. A bird will feign a broken wing to lure the fox away from the nest full of chicks, and if it dies, it dies happy, knowing the young will survive. And that\u2019s the way it should be\u2014the world itself would end otherwise.\u201d Ben looked over at Adam. \u201cBut that doesn\u2019t mean that what you<\/em> did was wrong. It was as right as\u2026well, Adam, you\u2019re the literary one. Don\u2019t make me quote Richard Lovelace to you.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam thought about that for a while as Pepper Nell and Buck plodded solemnly along. \u201cDon\u2019t tell me you\u2019ve read Lucasta<\/em>. I don\u2019t think I\u2019ve read it since college.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben shrugged. \u201cI have been known to pick up an occasional book, you know. Even yours.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhich poem are you talking about?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t know the name. Your mother was the Lovelace devotee, not me. But what he said about honor\u2014I can\u2019t remember it all, just the last two lines. About love and honor, and not having one without the other. That\u2019s the thing I have loved most about you for years, son. I\u2019ve never seen it so strong before in anyone, not even your brothers, and certainly not me.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWho do you think I learned it from?\u201d Adam said dryly.<\/p>\n

Ben shook his head. \u201cI\u2019ve always wondered. Maybe it was from your mother. She had a fine sense of honor. I\u2019m just a fellow who does what needs to be done\u2026most of the time. But I couldn\u2019t have done what you did, and I\u2019ll thank God daily for the rest of my life that I wasn\u2019t put in that position, just as I\u2019ll also thank him daily that just as he promised, he put the right person in the right place at the right time. And that person was you, son.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOh, Pa\u2026\u201d Adam swallowed. \u201cPa, if you just knew\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI do. Leave it with the Lord, Adam. I told you, no forgiveness was ever necessary.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam sighed long and hard.<\/p>\n

\u201cReckon we better catch up with your brothers before they come back looking for us,\u201d Ben said.<\/p>\n

The ride back probably didn\u2019t feel as long as it was, just because the 900-pound grizzly bear on Adam\u2019s chest had gone away. He was still very quiet on the way home, not joining in with his brothers\u2019 banter. They accepted this, figuring it was a result of whatever chastisement he\u2019d gotten. And little more was said between him and his father, but then there was nothing else to say.<\/p>\n

*<\/p>\n

They reached home, and Ben dropped any pretense that he wasn\u2019t tired; he could barely stay awake long enough to make it to his room.<\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019ll teach you to go leaving your sickbed to look for the wandering boy,\u201d Adam chided.<\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019ll teach you to go running off, wandering boy,\u201d Ben replied sternly. Then he smiled, and Adam looked down at the floor, blushing, and smiled back. His father squeezed his shoulder briefly and then trudged slowly into his room.<\/p>\n

Hoss and Joe, however, seemed determined not to leave Adam, even following him to his door.<\/p>\n

\u201cWe just wanted to tell you again,\u201d Hoss began, but Adam shook his head. \u201cDon\u2019t. I\u2019m not mad at you; I never was. I\u2019d just as soon not talk about it, ever again.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBut Adam,\u201d Joe whispered in clandestine tones. \u201cWhat was it like<\/em>?\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam rolled his eyes. \u201cNothing ever lives up to its publicity, Joseph, not ever.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOh,\u201d Joe sighed. Then he brightened, and a gleam came into his eyes. \u201cDoes all this mean you\u2019re not gonna have any more hissy fits and wun away fwom home?<\/em> Or make us come and rescue you outta some saloon?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYeah, that was sure not run-of-the-mill,\u201d Hoss added. \u201cJoe\u2019s supposed to be the one havin\u2019 hissy fits, Adam, not you\u2014and it\u2019s supposed to be you rescuin\u2019 us, not t\u2019other way around.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI never had a hissy fit in my life,\u201d Adam retorted in mock outrage. \u201cAnd don\u2019t be too sure I appreciated that rescue. Besides, that wasn\u2019t just any<\/em> saloon.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHey Adam\u2014is it true they got paintings on the walls of Greek ladies wearin\u2019 sheets? We were in and out so fast I didn\u2019t get to look!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSorry, Joe. You saw more of Adah Menken in Mazeppa<\/em> than you would\u2019ve seen in there. It\u2019s a pretty tame place, you know\u2014after all, it\u2019s right next door to nothin\u2019.\u201d<\/p>\n

The forlorn look returned to Little Joe\u2019s face, and he walked away, shoulders slumped.<\/p>\n

Hoss chuckled. \u201cYou din\u2019t do a thing with them women, did you?\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam shrugged. \u201cI let \u2019em feed me and shave me, and kept one of \u2019em up half the night, talking. Satisfied?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYeah, but I don\u2019t imagine younger brother\u2019s gonna be, once he catches on.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cTrue, but it\u2019s gonna be a lot of fun watching him try to figure it out,\u201d Adam chuckled.<\/p>\n

Alone at last, he went in his room and searched among the rows of books. It was in the middle of the bottom shelf: The Poems of Richard Lovelace<\/em>. Without hesitation he turned to the Lucasta poems and found \u201cTo Lucasta, Going to the Warres.\u201d<\/p>\n

True: a new Mistresse now I chase<\/em><\/p>\n

The first foe in the field;<\/em><\/p>\n

And with a stronger faith imbrace<\/em><\/p>\n

A sword, a horse, a shield.<\/em><\/p>\n

Yet this inconstancy is such<\/em><\/p>\n

As you too shall adore;<\/em><\/p>\n

I could not love thee, deare, so much,<\/em><\/p>\n

Lov\u2019d I not Honour more.<\/em><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Tags:\u00a0 Adam Cartwright,\u00a0Angst,\u00a0APM,\u00a0Family,\u00a0SAS<\/p>\n

<\/div>\n

<\/g><\/svg><\/i> \"Loading\"<\/p>\n

<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Summary: This is a blast from the past. This tale was on BonanzaWorld back in 2009, and appeared in\u00a0The Best of BonanzaWorld book, but it hasn’t been posted anywhere else, ever. A follow-up to Death at Dawn, the story focuses on what happens to a man of action (the guy who does what needs to be done) once the action is over.\u00a0<\/p>\n

PG\u00a0<\/p>\n

Word Count: 9435<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":81,"featured_media":23351,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"template-full-width-post.php","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[23,1008,4,13],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-30791","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-drama","category-family","category-humor","category-whn","wpcat-23-id","wpcat-1008-id","wpcat-4-id","wpcat-13-id"],"a3_pvc":{"activated":true,"total_views":2788,"today_views":0},"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/08\/Cheryl.jpg?fit=378%2C375&ssl=1","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":7180,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=7180","url_meta":{"origin":30791,"position":0},"title":"Death Withheld (by Rona)","author":"Rona","date":"October 20, 2004","format":false,"excerpt":"Summary: \u00a0This story came about following a discussion on the BonanzaInAussie message board about what we would change on certain episodes. The first one to be discussed was Death At Dawn. Following a suggestion that was made, the challenge was thrown down \u2013 quite lightly \u2013 for someone to write\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Drama"","block_context":{"text":"Drama","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?cat=23"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/bonanza7.jpg?fit=720%2C477&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/bonanza7.jpg?fit=720%2C477&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/bonanza7.jpg?fit=720%2C477&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/bonanza7.jpg?fit=720%2C477&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x"},"classes":[]},{"id":6338,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=6338","url_meta":{"origin":30791,"position":1},"title":"The Night After “Death at Dawn”(by debpet)","author":"debpet","date":"August 7, 2008","format":false,"excerpt":"Summary:\u00a0A brief WHN for the episode 'Death at Dawn\" \u00a0 Rated:\u00a0K+ \u00a0WC \u00a01600","rel":"","context":"In "Drama"","block_context":{"text":"Drama","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?cat=23"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/03\/bonanza2.jpg?fit=720%2C475&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/03\/bonanza2.jpg?fit=720%2C475&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/03\/bonanza2.jpg?fit=720%2C475&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/03\/bonanza2.jpg?fit=720%2C475&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x"},"classes":[]},{"id":5842,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=5842","url_meta":{"origin":30791,"position":2},"title":"Devil’s Bargain (by Patina)","author":"patina","date":"January 3, 2008","format":false,"excerpt":"Rating: T \u00a0WC 6100 Summary:\u00a0WHI for Death at Dawn","rel":"","context":"In "Drama"","block_context":{"text":"Drama","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?cat=23"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/05\/Dawn_1.jpg?fit=614%2C480&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/05\/Dawn_1.jpg?fit=614%2C480&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/05\/Dawn_1.jpg?fit=614%2C480&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x"},"classes":[]},{"id":14132,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=14132","url_meta":{"origin":30791,"position":3},"title":"A Bucketful of Trouble (by Krystyna)","author":"Krystyna","date":"January 3, 2010","format":false,"excerpt":"Summary: Hop Sing decides it's time to quit! This story may be familiar to forum readers but I hope it will appeal to those newer members of Bonanzaworld who have yet to read it. Rating: \u00a0G \u00a0(1,060 words)","rel":"","context":"In "Drama"","block_context":{"text":"Drama","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?cat=23"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/05\/vsy.jpeg?fit=248%2C203&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":14606,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=14606","url_meta":{"origin":30791,"position":4},"title":"Before the Hanging (by Sibylle)","author":"Sibylle","date":"August 5, 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"Summary: \u00a0Just how much tension can a man go through in a mere four hours? Find out in this look at \"Death at Dawn.\" Rated:\u00a0 T \u00a0\u00a0Word Count: \u00a0 3,231","rel":"","context":"In "Action\/Adventure"","block_context":{"text":"Action\/Adventure","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?cat=2"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/08\/vlcsnap-error340-3.png?fit=517%2C388&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":12680,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=12680","url_meta":{"origin":30791,"position":5},"title":"Absolution (by Calim11)","author":"Calim11","date":"April 14, 2006","format":false,"excerpt":"Summary:\u00a0 WHN for Death at Dawn.\u00a0 Adam\u2019s brothers didn\u2019t stick with him and he put his father\u2019s life on the line. How would you feel after it was all over? Rating:\u00a0 K+\u00a0 (5,190 words)","rel":"","context":"In "Drama"","block_context":{"text":"Drama","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?cat=23"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/05\/Dawn_1.jpg?fit=614%2C480&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/05\/Dawn_1.jpg?fit=614%2C480&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/05\/Dawn_1.jpg?fit=614%2C480&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x"},"classes":[]}],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/30791","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/81"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=30791"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/30791\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/23351"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=30791"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=30791"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=30791"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}