{"id":3319,"date":"2004-02-13T11:06:05","date_gmt":"2004-02-13T16:06:05","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=3319"},"modified":"2025-09-25T15:22:26","modified_gmt":"2025-09-25T19:22:26","slug":"the-hanging-posse","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=3319","title":{"rendered":"The Hanging Posse (by J7339)"},"content":{"rendered":"

Summary: \u00a0<\/span>Ben Cartwright is confronted by some rather angry husbands and families of Fanfiction writers who try and take matters into their own hands to get some normality in their lives. \u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Rated:<\/span>\u00a0K+ (5,075 words)
\n<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 The Hanging Posse<\/strong><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Author\u2019s Notes:<\/strong><\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

The idea for this story belongs to Theresa Green.\u00a0\u00a0 It was her inspiring thoughts that led me to believe that most Fan-fiction authors have an obsession with their characters that are rarely understood by their husbands, partners, families and friends.<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

Although the characters might differ from story to story and fandom to fandom, we all have been told that we are strange, our thoughts stranger and our passion in such pursuits unnatural. \u00a0 \u00a0<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

Our families scream that they cannot contact us by phone because we are tying up the line while on the internet reading.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 They tell us that the people we declare to love so much are fictional and don\u2019t exist. \u00a0<\/span><\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

Please don\u2019t ask how a mobile phone got in Nevada at this time \u2013 the original story was set in a much earlier time than Bonanza and they still had one.\u00a0\u00a0 For the sake of the story \u2013 it works anyway.\u00a0\u00a0 Same with the magical little metal box and any other electronic gadget that has been incorporated into the story.<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

Theresa, I thank you from the bottom of my heart as your story is truly one of the funniest things I have read to date.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 My husband even threatened to book an appointment for a psychiatrist because I was laughing so hard at the computer screen.<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

I decided rather than get upset, I would get even and immortalize him forever as a character in my stories.\u00a0 Forever to remain trapped there in a world he does not understand and declares should not exist.<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

So John, dear, this is for you\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026.. and I do love you, but you should know better than to cross your author wife.\u00a0 and so this is what happened\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

Place:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Front door of the Ponderosa Ranch<\/strong><\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/strong><\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

Time of Day:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Just before dawn\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026.<\/strong><\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cBen! Ben Cartwright!\u201d Sheriff Roy Coffee shouted, hammering his fist on the front door of the Ponderosa homestead, as loudly as he dared. \u201cBen, you must come and see this! Ben Cartwright!\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

The door opened so suddenly that Roy was left knocking thin air for a few seconds. Then he was aware of a penetrating gaze burning into him as the patriarch of the Cartwright family stood and stared malevolently at him from around the door.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Ben was dressed in his maroon coloured robe, his silver hair with a mind of its own, was disheveled.\u00a0\u00a0 The man looked extremely tired and very annoyed.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 There were beads of sweat on his brow and upper lip.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWhat day is it today, Roy?\u201d he said in a dangerously calm voice.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Sheriff Coffee frowned.\u00a0 Was Ben losing his marbles?\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cUmm. . . Tuesday, Ben.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cAnd what time of day is it, Roy?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cAn hour or so before dawn, I reckon,\u201d Roy said, even more worried about his old friend\u2019s state of mind.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cPrecisely! And yet, despite knowledge of that, you stand before me now. There had better be a bloody good explanation!\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Roy winced and closed his eyes. \u201cI didn\u2019t want to disturb you Ben, but the news I have couldn\u2019t wait any longer.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cRoy, I have just gotten back tonight from a two week long cattle drive.\u00a0\u00a0 I come home and am instantly involved in an argument with Joseph. \u201cI am tired, and in no mood for someone\u2019s foolishness. I want to go to bed,\u201d Ben said.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cIf someone looks to have died, call Doc Martin and have Paul poke whoever the poor bastard is in the ribs a few times and be done with it,\u201d\u00a0 Ben stated firmly.\u00a0 \u201cIf someone is in trouble, then for the love of God, find another good citizen of Virginia City to help.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0\u201cBen, there is. A large body of men \u2013 strange looking men \u2013 has been spotted approaching your place,\u201d Roy explained hurriedly.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Ben\u2019s demeanour altered immediately. \u201cIndians?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cNo, Ben. Not Indians.\u00a0\u00a0 They are altogether more bizarre than that.\u00a0 Maybe if you was to take a look for yourself?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Ben ran his hand down his haggard face and sighed deeply, looking back longingly into the bedroom. \u201cAlright,\u201d he said.\u00a0 \u201cGive me a few minutes.\u201d He shut the door.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Roy released the breath he had been holding.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 As the Sheriff of Virginia City it was his job to keep an eye on things in the town and inform others if strangers should be hanging around.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

News of their timing could not have been worse.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 He heard muffled voices from inside the bedroom and then a few moments later, Ben emerged wearing his normal work clothes and leather vest, with his boots in his hand.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cLead on, Roy.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Let us take a look at these uninvited guests.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

The large group of strangers outside the sturdy, homestead of the Ponderosa were indeed a motley crew.\u00a0\u00a0 The citizens of Virginia City would not have seen anything like them in all their born days.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

They were men, but their attire was outlandish in the extreme. Their pants and shirts and jackets came in all sorts of colours and textures.\u00a0 Not a single one of them wore a vest or gun belt.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0Some of them wore glasses in front of their eyes. They did not move like an organized group \u2013 on the contrary they milled about like people in a market place \u2013 but there was a determined expression on every single face.\u00a0 It was as if these men were not used to confrontation, but would brazen it out it if they had to.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cHave we got the readings on this place, yet?\u201d one of them at the front of the group asked.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYeah, yeah. Just coming.\u201d A second man holding some kind of box in front of him, squinted down at the object and then tapped the front with a finger. Here we go. . .\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cAngst reading?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cVery low, Dennis. Very low indeed. Only three-point-two milliscreams.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cAh! Good! A comedy universe, mate. Just what we need. Don\u2019t want anyone getting hurt, do we. What about the Little Joe lust level?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

John pressed a button and tapped the front of the box once again, a frown furrowing his brows. \u201cThe needle seems to have gone off the scale!\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cStruth! What about the romance reading? What kind of levels of kissing and fooling around are we dealing with here?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Once again, John pressed another button. He yelped as the smoke started to pour out of the box.\u00a0 He tossed it onto the floor and gestured for everyone to stand back.\u00a0 In seconds the box exploded, showering the assembled men with tiny bits of plastic and metal.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

John glanced at Dennis. \u201cI think that answers my question.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYeah. So whose universe do you think we are in? Susan\u2019s?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

John shook his head. \u201cNah! Angst reading\u2019s too low. What about your wife\u2019s world?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Dennis looked around him. \u201cH\u2019m. Not sure. Close, but not quite. It just feels a bit too. . . quiet. You know what I mean?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

John grimaced. \u201cOh, don\u2019t talk to me about the quiet, mate. Not after the Rugby World Cup! I just don\u2019t want to think about it, alright?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Dennis nodded sympathetically.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0\u201cYeah! Anyway,\u201d continued John glancing round at the men surrounding them. \u201cI think we\u2019d better keep our minds on the game in hand. Whose universe are we in?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cGet out the Authorial Analysis meter. That\u2019ll help.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cAh, yes!\u201d John reached into a back pocket and produced another strange device. He pressed a button and waved the machine around in the air. \u201cThis should do the trick.\u201d He pressed a second button and a spool of paper churned out of the little box.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cHere we go,\u201d he said, reading from the list. \u201cOver-reliance on semi-colons; tendency to use compound sentences; occasional lapses into modernisms; heavily dialogue-dependant text; virtually negligible plot; unrealistic portrayals of inter-racial relationships; unhealthy fascination with Little Joe\u2019s anatomy; overuse of innuendo; worryingly comprehensive knowledge of medical practices and herbal remedies. . .\u00a0<\/em>Oh, gods, Dennis! This all points in one direction!\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

The two men spoke in unison.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cJULES!\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

John pinched the bridge of his nose, realising even as he did so that the fact that he was pinching the bridge of his nose should have told him that he was in Julie\u2019s territory.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Her characters were always pinching the bridges of their noses when they were exasperated;\u00a0 and there was another one of those sodding semi-colons!<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

I mean, how pretentious can you get?\u00a0<\/em>He must stay on his guard \u2013 if he were not careful, he would find himself in the midst of one of those sentences \u2013 convoluted in the extreme, pointless and over-elaborate \u2013 that littered the work of Jules – the result no doubt of reading too much.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

He would find that the narrative viewpoint had been shifted, with no subtlety whatsoever, mind you, into an internal monologue,\u00a0probably in italics<\/em>.\u00a0I must stay alert! These men are depending on me! Dennis and the others are depending on me. . .<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Aware that the men were starting at him with puzzled expressions, Dennis gathered his composure. \u201cRight,\u201d he said decisively, \u201cwe need to find to get a little organized here.\u201d He pulled a long piece of paper out of his pocket.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cNow, John?\u201d He began to run a finger down the long, long list. \u201cAh, yes! Here it is! Can someone find. . .\u201d He turned round and found himself face to face \u2013 well, no \u2013 face to chest, with a very tall man indeed. He looked up. . . and up. . . into hazel eyes and a hairy face and an expression of benevolent, if somewhat tired, kindliness.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYes.\u201d\u00a0 The accent was definitely Australian.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWe would appear to have materialised in your wife\u2019s Fan Fiction universe.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI know.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Dennis looked at him. \u201cReally, mate? How can you tell?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

John held up one finger. \u201cListen. Can you hear that?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Dennis strained his hearing. \u201cWhat am I listening for?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

John frowned at the crowd of men, chattering and complaining amongst themselves.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cRIGHT! LET\u2019S HAVE A BIT OF HUSH, PLEASE!\u201d His voice could have been heard all over the ranch.\u00a0\u00a0 The crowd settled down, looking expectantly at the big man. \u201cNOW, EVERYONE LISTEN CAREFULLY!\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

To a man, they remained silent, struggling to hear whatever it was that John wanted them to observe. On the very edge of hearing there was a whirring noise.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWho can tell me,\u201d said John in less strident tones, \u201cwhat that sound is?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

There was a pause. Hesitantly, one or two hands were raised.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

John continued. \u201cNow we did this last week didn\u2019t we \u2013 the positive correlation between Fan Fiction Character Corruption and the Effect on Authors Families.\u201d He raised his eyebrows expectantly and looked around at the crowd.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s always the same hands every time, isn\u2019t it! Come on, now! Think about the graph that I drew on the board \u2013 revs per minute plotted against Bonanza time-line references. Yes? Remember? Now, what is that sound?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

A few more hands were raised. Suddenly there was a beeping noise from the back of the crowd.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

John\u2019s gaze swept the throng like a hawk. \u201cRIGHT! How many times do I have to tell you to switch your mobile \u2018phones off in lessons?\u201d He started to walk towards the source of the beeping, huge strides eating up the ground.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

The hapless mobile-owner found himself looking up into a stern face. \u201cLet\u2019s have it then. You know the rules,\u201d said the tall man, holding his hand out. \u201cI don\u2019t know how you are getting a signal in Nevada in the 1860\u2019s anyway!\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Pressing a button on the \u2018phone and putting it to his ear, John continued, \u201cHello? Who is this..? No. . . he can\u2019t talk now. He\u2019s busy. . . No, I can\u2019t put him on. . . He\u2019ll call you back later. No! No! I\u2019m not taking any messages! Goodbye.\u201d He handed the phone to the other man.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cDon\u2019t let it happen again!\u201d Turning back to the crowd he went on, \u201cNow, where were we? Oh, yes! That noise. Come on now, boys! What is that sound? Think about that graph. What could that sound be, eh? Yes, you there with the moustache! Yes, you!\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cSound of the phone lines being clogged up again, sir.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYes! Well done that man!\u201d Turning to Dennis he continued. \u201cNo-one makes a connection more swiftly or types on a keyboard more often than my wife!\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cBugger!\u201d one of the other men shouted out in frustration.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201c\u2019Bugger\u2019 being the operative word, mate!\u201d\u00a0 John said.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cExactly!\u201d Dennis agreed.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cRight!\u201d somebody in the back said.\u00a0 \u201cAnd having established exactly where we are and what we are up against, what are we going to do?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cLeave that to me,\u201d said John, setting his jaw determinedly. \u201cI have a plan. Our main weapon is surprise. Surprise and fear\u2026 our two main weapons are surprise, fear and\u2014\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Dennis took hold of his arm. \u201cSteady on, John. This is\u00a0Bonanza<\/em>, not\u00a0Monty Python<\/em>, you know.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

The tall man shook his head. \u201cSorry! Don\u2019t know what came over me. Don\u2019t even like\u00a0Monty Python<\/em>!\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Dennis glanced round at the huge crowd of men around them. \u201cWe can\u2019t take all this lot in with us. They\u2019ll think we\u2019re invading!\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

John thought for a moment. \u201cIt\u2019s going to be tough in there. We need only the most dedicated and determined men.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cAnd women!\u201d shouted two voices over the others.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWomen?\u201d John looked round to locate the voices.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYes,\u201d one woman said, introducing the other as her sister.\u00a0 The two women politely eased their way to the front. \u201cWe are going in there with you!\u201d The accent was American.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cBut this is\u00a0The Revenge of the Fan Fiction\u00a0Husbands<\/strong><\/em>, madam. Who are you two ladies?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWe are Fan Fiction sisters.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cSisters?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYes! Out sister spends every spare waking moment on that computer, half the time writing to your wife and others, I might add!\u201d One of the sisters poked John on the arm. \u201cHow is she going to get out and meet people if she spends all her time with Fan Fiction, eh?<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cBut\u2014\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cEnough already! We are coming with you! It\u2019s the only way I\u2019m going to get any action taken against these people!\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

John shrugged, recognising that he was not going to win that particular battle. \u201cOkay, but we need some kind of selection procedure for the rest of them. I\u2019m not just taking anyone along. This could be bloody. We need only those men. . . er, persons who are ruthless and cold-blooded.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWe could take everyone who is a lawyer,\u201d suggested Dennis.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cOr a tax inspector?\u201d said another man with a receding hairline.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cNo, no!\u201d said John. \u201cI was thinking of a different kind of selection criterion.\u201d He took a deep breath and bellowed at the top of his voice.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cRIGHT! CAN YOU ALL HEAR ME? GOOD!<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Now, I want everyone to listen carefully. We\u2019re not all going into the house, alright. I\u2019m only taking the most dedicated. Those who have suffered the most. So, please step over there,\u201d he gestured to a space to one side, \u201cif your wife,\u201d there was a squeak, \u201cor sister, owns a poster of Adam or Little Joe.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Almost the entire crowd started to move towards the space.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cSTOP! STOP! Alright, forget that. Not selective enough, obviously. Okay! BACK AGAIN, PLEASE! Right! Move across if. . .\u201d he thought for a second, \u201cif your wife knows the date of Michael Landon\u2019s birthday.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

This time three-quarters of the crowd chanted in unison \u201cOctober 31st\u201d and started to walk.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cNO! NO! BACK AGAIN! STOP! STOP! Jeez!\u201d John rolled his eyes. \u201cStep forward if. . . if. . .\u201d his voice was desperate now, \u201cif your wife owns\u00a0Bonanza\u00a0<\/em>pyjamas, Adam socks, a cardboard Little Joe, a Hoss doll, a model of Cochise or any of the other horses from the show, knows so much about\u00a0Bonanza<\/em>\u00a0that you have to resort to cheating in order to beat her at any trivia game.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

The crowd muttered in confusion. \u201cWhat about\u00a0Bonanza<\/em>\u00a0coffee mugs?\u201d asked one of the Fan Fiction sisters. \u201cDo they count?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cLife-size cardboard cut-outs, complete with replica gun belts and hats on?\u201d shouted a man at the back.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Dennis looked sidelong at the John. \u201cDid you say \u2018cheating\u2019?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Dennis whistled. \u201cCheating and winning is not very Australian, is it John!\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cNo,\u201d said John with a smirk. \u201cWe Aussies usually cheat and blame it on someone else anyway!\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cHa!\u201d Dennis elbowed him in the ribs. \u201cNice one!\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

John shot two of the husbands both a dark look when they started to have a minor disagreement of their own. \u201cIf you two colonials don\u2019t behave, I\u2019ll leave you behind!\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Two men pulled faces behind John\u2019s back as the big man tried again.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cLook, this is the last time, alright. LISTEN! Move over there if your wife owns at least four items of\u00a0Bonanza<\/em>\u00a0merchandise.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

There was a certain amount of counting on fingers and muttering under breath from the crowd. Dennis could just about catch most of the comments.\u00a0Duvet cover. . . mug. . . pencil case. . . poster. . . calendar. . .\u00a0<\/em>\u00a0After a minute or two, a large, but not overwhelming sub-section of the crowd had moved to one side.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cAt last!\u201d said John. \u201cThe rest of you stay here and wait, please. We\u2019ll be back soon.\u201d He turned to his elite band. \u201cNow men. . . erm, and you, two ladies. . . remember \u2013\u00a0 this may be a comedy universe, but keep your wits about you! There is always the possibility of,\u201d he lowered his voice ominously, \u201cslapstick!\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Several members of the group winced.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cCome on then,\u201d said John leading the way. He turned back suddenly. \u201cOh, can someone pass me that sports bag, please? Thanks. We won\u2019t get far without that,\u201d he added cryptically.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

He lugged an enormous, battered, bag over his broad shoulder and, humming and whistling simultaneously in a manner that would drive any reasonable person to distraction, led them towards the front door of the homestead.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Ben Cartwright watched as a smaller group of the men began approaching the house from the other side of the yard.\u00a0 He had built this ranch up from nothing but his hands in the bare earth, but he had never seen such a strange collection of men.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

They did not have the air of criminals. Nor did they show the humility and awe that Ben had seen in those who sought for him to fix some pending disaster in their lives.\u00a0\u00a0 His curiosity was piqued.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

The leader of the men stepped right up to Ben, seemingly fearless in the face of someone highly respected in these parts.\u00a0 The man\u2019s face was expressionless, but Ben could sense a great deal of emotion behind the mask of calm.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Ben stood up to confront the man and was disappointed to find that he had to look up a long way to meet the man\u2019s gaze.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cGreetings, strangers! What brings you to the Ponderosa?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWe want a word with you, Benny!\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

The stranger did not seemed bothered by Sheriff Coffee placing his hand on his gun in a warning gesture.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYeah!\u201d A voice rang out from the small crowd of strangers. \u201cYou tell him, John!\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYes! And tell him to get them other ones to get out here pronto! The skinny, weedy one. He\u2019s the trouble maker!\u00a0\u00a0 And his long drink of water brother, dressed in black!\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Several voices took up the cry.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cMorbid bastard!\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cJust \u2018cos he has got brains and uses them to beat the baddies!.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWhy does he always wear only black, that\u2019s what I want to know! Bloody ridiculous!\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

John held up his hand for quiet. When he spoke his voice was perfectly calm.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cIf you don\u2019t mind, Mr Cartwright, we\u2019d like our wives back, please!\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cAnd sister!\u201d came the two women\u2019s voices from the back.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYour wives?\u201d said Ben.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cAnd sister! Don\u2019t forget sister!\u201d the two female voices chimed in again.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYeah, alright, madam. And sister!\u201d said John. \u201cWe want them back right now, and believe you me, sunshine, we are not taking no for an answer!\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Ben\u00a0 frowned. \u201cI\u2019m afraid that I have no idea what you\u2014\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cOh, don\u2019t play the innocent with me, Mr Big Shot Rancher! You know exactly what I mean! For years you\u2019ve been luring our women away with your three sons and all your hard earned wealth.\u00a0\u00a0 Somehow they thought choosing that Michael What\u2019s-his-name and that Pernell long-drink-of-water character to play your sons and, BAM! That\u2019s it! All of a sudden the shirtless, dragged-through-a-bush-backwards look is where it\u2019s at!\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Ben looked affronted but before he could object, the big man continued.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cAnd it\u2019s not just those two is it! Oh, no! I\u2019ve got men out there, poor neglected men, whose wives are smitten by. . . by Clay! And he\u2019s not but been seen except in one episode!<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI really do not\u2014\u201d began Ben, but could not get a word in edgeways.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cAnd do you know who\u00a0really\u00a0<\/strong>winds us up? The one who drives us up the bloody wall? Eh? LITTLE JOE!\u00a0LITTLE JOE!<\/strong>\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Ben noticed a vein pulsing on the side of the man\u2019s head.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI mean at least there is a certain machismo about Hoss,\u201d John explained. \u201cAt least a bloke can look at Hoss and think, yeah, big shoulders, rugged features, tall, manly blah, blah, blah. . . At least a bloke can see why his wife is attracted.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

And Adam! He\u2019s got wiry black hair that ain\u2019t even real!\u00a0 He pounces around the room, spilling poetry and classic music!\u00a0\u00a0 He doesn\u2019t even fight with a proper gun and tells others that there is a better way of sorting out things than fighting!\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 He stands around posing like a bloody ballet dancer,\u00a0and they still want to go to bed with him<\/strong>!\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYeah!\u201d A roar of support surged up from the crowd of strangers.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

John, turned to his supporters.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cAnd do you know what my wife made me do? Do you know? I\u2019ll tell you. My wife made me watch\u00a0two\u00a0<\/em>whole episodes of\u00a0Bonanza<\/em>\u00a0one evening while I was eating dinner in front of the T.V. before I even knew what was happening.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 And it was on football night too.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

There were horrified gasps from the crowd. Dennis had to be led to a chair for a bit of a sit-down. Being forced to watch that stuff when there was an important football game on TV? No wonder John was full of angst. Oh, how he had suffered!<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYeah!\u201d continued John. He turned back to Ben. \u201cSo this is what we want.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Ben looked confused.\u00a0\u00a0 He had barely understood a word these men had shouted at him in apparent anger and frustration.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cAnyway, we would appreciate it if you and your. . . your. . . sons would stop being so irritatingly alluring and allow our wives\u2014\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cAnd sisters!\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201c\u2014and sister, yes, to focus on us for a change.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Ben struggled to comprehend what the man was telling him. It did not make sense. \u201cThese women of whom you speak. Where are they?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

John gestured with a huge sweep of his arm. \u201cThey\u2019re out there, Benny! Thousands of them! Tens of thousands! All with bloody silly pen-names, learning to write in Cantonese and emailing each other with salacious comments concerning Little Joe\u2019s body.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Ben\u2019s eyebrows shot up.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cAnd making up stories to fill in all the bits where the episodes missed out,\u201d John continued. \u201cLike what happened after Joe rode away from Julia\u2019s Palace. Or why Adam was accused of committing murder when he supposed to be picking up supplies from the General Store.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

And these women are always putting you lot in Alternative Universes where. . . where. . .\u201d John struggled for a moment.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWhere Ben is running for political office and getting threatened by using Little Joe and Adam,,\u201d called a voice from the crowd.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cOr Joe getting hurt in a train accident and almost getting kidnapped and held for random as well by baddies who can\u2019t read!\u201d shouted another.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cOr how Marie died and what you had to do to bring up your boys on your own!\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYeah, yeah!\u201d said John, regaining his confidence. \u201cAnd. . . and you wouldn\u2019t believe how many times they have had you re-married for a fourth, fifth or twenty-seventh time!\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Ben paled. \u201cRemarried. . ?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cOh yes!\u201d said John. \u201cMany\u2019s the story in which they conveniently have Adam getting married and then something happening to spoil it.\u00a0\u00a0 Or Little Joe where the woman are dressed in blue and die on the way to the church when they are thrown from a wagon!\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYou mean. . ?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYeah!\u00a0\u00a0 What has Adam got anyway, his own personal harem so he can play hide-the-sausage?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Ben was aghast. \u201cAdam? You mean,\u00a0my son\u00a0<\/em>Adam?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYep!\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Ben shook his head in disbelief. \u201cBut Adam wouldn\u2019t do something like that to a young lady!\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cIn this universe he certainly would. But there are countless stories out there, Benny me old mate, in which Adam or Joe are keeping a young lady warm at night!\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cNo!\u201d Ben was horror-struck. \u201cI sure they admire the ladies from afar, of course, but their behaviour and feelings are purely platonic, I assure you!\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

John nodded. \u201cYeah, yeah. . .\u00a0 Whatever. . . But my point is, that Little Joe and Adam have to stop attracting our women, so that we can enjoy our lives again without our wives calling out the wrong name in bed, do you understand?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cErm, well, I do not\u2014\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t care how you do it, but we want the attention of our women focused on us at the weekend, alright?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cBut\u2014\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

At this point Dennis reached down into the blue sports bag and produced a strange-looking gadget. \u201cAnd just to make sure that you do your best, I\u2019ve brought along this.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Roy was about to reach for his gun again, worried that these men meant to hurt Ben. John, along with all the other Fan Fiction significant others craned forward to see what it was that Dennis held.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cThis,\u201d continued Dennis, \u201cis a laptop computer \u2013\u00a0my<\/strong>\u00a0laptop computer, actually, although my wife seems to have half-hinched it \u2013 on which there is a fiendishly clever bit of software.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

If it works \u2013 and I was assured by the fifteen-year old on the Customer Support Desk that it would, as long as I\u2019d loaded patch 3.1.67 \u2013 will have a devastating effect on the world of Fan Fiction.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

The assembled husbands and two sisters looked hopeful.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cOh, yes!\u201d continued Dennis, warming to his subject. \u201cThis software can sense Fan Fiction stories being written anywhere in the universe, and it contains a database of words and phrases that are not permitted to be written.\u00a0 Anyone using one of these phrases will find that their computer spontaneously combusts and their modem connection to FanFiction.Net crashes every time.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWhat is in the database?\u201d asked John.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cAh, hold on a second,\u201d said Dennis, pressing a few buttons on the computer. \u201cIt\u2019s quite a comprehensive list. I carried out an analysis of FF.Net and so on, and came up with the following forbidden phrases:\u00a0High cheekbones.<\/em>\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Several husbands nodded approvingly.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cBronzed and tanned skin<\/em>,\u201d Dennis continued. \u201cSculpted abdominal muscles; leanly muscled thighs. . .\u201d<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

The crowd murmured their approval.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201c. . .\u00a0chestnut, locks and<\/em>\u00a0curls \u00a0of<\/em>\u00a0hair; broad, heavily muscled shoulders\u2026\u201d Dennis<\/em>\u00a0glanced at Ben as he spoke.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cTousled hair falling across emerald green, sensual eyes. . .<\/em>\u00a0The list goes on and on.\u201d<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI swear to God if I see another \u201cbrushed a stray curl out of his eyes\u201d\u00a0<\/em>I am going<\/span><\/p>\n

to pluck Little Joe\u2019s head as bald as a chicken,\u201d came the outcry from one disgruntled husband.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

One of the two sisters now piped up again. \u201cYou\u2019d better add something about\u00a0collarbones<\/em>, honey! And\u00a0slender hands<\/em>! Definitely something about\u00a0shirtless Joe!<\/em>\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cAnd\u00a0forearms corded with muscle<\/em>!\u201d shouted another voice.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cAnd don\u2019t forget\u00a0slim hips<\/em>!\u201d called a second.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cAnd\u00a0hairy chests<\/em>!\u201d called a voice at the back.\u00a0 Everyone turned to stare.\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cShe\u2019s into Adam! What can I say?\u201d The man shrugged apologetically.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cRight! Yes! Okay, okay!\u201d shouted Dennis. \u201cI\u2019ll add all of those to the database. No problem!\u201d Turning back to Ben he added, \u201cSo do you understand, Benny? No captivating our women anymore, or you may find yourself a little short of plotlines and character development.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Then remembering whose universe he was standing in, John corrected himself. \u201cWell, you probably wouldn\u2019t notice that, but. . . but. . . there\u2019ll be no sex! Pass the message on to Adam and Little Joe.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 They won\u2019t get their hands on a single date for weeks if they lure my wife to the keyboard. Understand?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Ben decided that the best way to deal with this madman was to humour him. \u201cYes, of course. I will give them the message straight away.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0 As soon as the situation was much calmer, he would have Roy arrest the entire group and hold them until they could be taken away from his home to a more secure facility.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Preferably a prison cell.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

John nodded decisively. \u201cGood! That\u2019s sorted then.\u201d He turned away and stalked across the room. Dennis and the rest of the crew struggled to keep up with his long steps.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWhat\u2019s next then, boss?\u201d asked Dennis.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

John\u2019s face was a picture of iron determination. \u201cWell, Dennis, we seem to have sorted out the world of Fan Fiction, but there is a whole lot of distractions out there that could muck up our plans.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYeah!\u201d agreed a man in the back. \u201cSo what are we going to do?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

John stopped and turned to Dennis. He took a deep breath. \u201cDennis, we are going to crash every Michael Landon and Bonanza website on the Internet!\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Dennis smiled grimly. \u201cYeah!\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

It was going to be a long night!<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

THE END<\/span><\/p>\n

End Notes:<\/b><\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

Thank you goes to Leesa and Susan for lending me their partners and families for this story.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 No offence to any individual is intended.\u00a0\u00a0 We all love our families and partners.<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

First story I have ever written for Bonanza where I mention the boys but you don\u2019t see them.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Strange.<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

Not my usual style for a plot – but is was fun writing this – and don’t tell me many of your husband’s or family wouldn’t be nodding right along with them all and thinking “how true” LOL<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

Disclaimer:\u00a0All publicly recognizable characters and settings are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Summary: \u00a0Ben Cartwright is confronted by some rather angry husbands and families of Fanfiction writers who try and take matters into their own hands to get some normality in their lives. \u00a0<\/p>\n

Rated:\u00a0K+ (5,075 words)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":96,"featured_media":14943,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"template-full-width-post.php","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1004,23],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-3319","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-ben-cartwright","category-drama","wpcat-1004-id","wpcat-23-id"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/Noose.jpg?fit=768%2C1024&ssl=1","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3319","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/96"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=3319"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3319\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/14943"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=3319"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=3319"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=3319"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}