{"id":3575,"date":"2008-01-26T02:17:41","date_gmt":"2008-01-26T07:17:41","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=3575"},"modified":"2026-07-22T09:28:09","modified_gmt":"2026-07-22T13:28:09","slug":"water-for-a-burning-soul","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=3575","title":{"rendered":"Water for A Burning Soul (by Puchi Ann)"},"content":{"rendered":"

Summary: \u00a0<\/span>Returning home with Little Joe, Adam Cartwright seeks his father’s help in dealing with the aftermath of his “Crucible” experience in the desert with Kane.<\/p>\n

Rated: K+ \u00a0WC \u00a05000<\/p>\n

\u201cPa\u2019s words\u2014they\u2019re water for a burnin\u2019 soul, Adam.\u201d\u00a0 (Joseph Cartwright in \u201cA Brother\u2019s Torment\u201d)<\/p>\n

A Brother’s Torment Series:<\/strong><\/p>\n

A Brothers Torment<\/a>
\nWater for a Burning Soul<\/a><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Water for a Burning Soul<\/strong><\/p>\n

He methodically unwound the strap of his canteen from the saddle and took a long, slow drink.<\/p>\n

The man riding at his side fidgeted with the reins of his pinto.\u00a0 \u201cYou\u2019re dawdling, Adam,\u201d he accused.<\/p>\n

\u201cJust thirsty,\u201d Adam Cartwright drawled.<\/p>\n

\u201cJust thirsty, my eye!\u201d his younger brother exploded.<\/p>\n

Adam arched a provoking eyebrow.\u00a0 \u201cYour eye is thirsty?\u201d<\/p>\n

Little Joe Cartwright scowled in disgust.\u00a0 \u201cYou know what I mean . . . and I know what you\u2019re up to.\u00a0 It ain\u2019t gonna get easier for puttin\u2019 it off, Adam.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam sighed.\u00a0 \u201cI suppose not, but let me take it at my own pace, all right, Joe?\u201d<\/p>\n

That need was one Joe could understand, and he nodded his acceptance.\u00a0 \u201cLet\u2019s get there sometime before supper, though, okay?\u00a0 Like Hoss might say, my belly thinks my throat\u2019s been cut.\u201d<\/p>\n

The mention of their other brother brought a soft smile to Adam\u2019s lips, and he chuckled as he said, \u201cAll right, starving child.\u00a0 I\u2019ll make sure you get a warm meal before time for Papa to tuck you in.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cCute,\u201d Joe snorted.\u00a0 \u201cCan we ride on now?\u00a0 It\u2019s just another mile to the house.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam didn\u2019t need the reminder.\u00a0 He\u2019d been conscious of each mile that drew him closer to the confrontation with his father.\u00a0 He shook his head as he capped the canteen and repositioned it on the saddle.\u00a0 Why did he persist in thinking of what was to come as a confrontation?\u00a0 A man shouldn\u2019t feel that way about a simple talk with his own father, yet there was nothing simple about what Adam had to say.\u00a0 What he had to tell was nothing less than a descent into hell.<\/p>\n

They\u2019d ridden perhaps another hundred yards when Joe complained, \u201cSnails keep a better pace than us.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIf the pace doesn\u2019t suit you, ride on ahead,\u201d Adam suggested dryly.<\/p>\n

Joe wagged a finger toward his brother\u2019s face.\u00a0 \u201cOh, no.\u00a0 I ain\u2019t givin\u2019 you the chance to turn tail and run.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI have no intention of doing that,\u201d Adam said tersely, \u201cand I wish you\u2019d go back to being my little brother, instead of my . . . caretaker.\u201d<\/p>\n

Little Joe winced.\u00a0 \u201cSorry.\u00a0 Didn\u2019t mean to come across that way.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI know,\u201d Adam said with a smile just short of agreeable, \u201cbut I did mean what I said.\u00a0 Reversing roles tends to upset the equilibrium of the universe.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHuh?\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam pointed toward Joe.\u00a0 \u201cYou little brother.\u201d\u00a0 He tapped his own chest.\u00a0 \u201cMe older brother.\u00a0 Keep that straight and the world will run as it should.\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe groaned.\u00a0 \u201cWhy didn\u2019t you just say that?\u201d\u00a0 He straightened in his saddle and gazed steadfastly at his older brother.\u00a0 \u201cTruth is, there\u2019s nothin\u2019 I\u2019d like better than to see things back to normal around here\u2014you in your place and me in mine\u2014but that ain\u2019t gonna happen if you keep hidin\u2019 behind them big words, Adam.\u00a0 When you talk to Pa, tell it straight, and then, maybe, the universe will gets its\u2014what\u2019d you call it?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cEquilibrium.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYeah, that,\u201d Joe said.\u00a0 \u201cThe universe will get its back when you get yours back, so no more dilly dallying and no more hidin\u2019 behind big words you learned in college.\u00a0 Agreed?\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam tried to roll his eyes, but found he couldn\u2019t in the face of Joe\u2019s sober determination.\u00a0 \u201cAll right, agreed.\u00a0 Now, why don\u2019t you ride on in and let them know I\u2019m coming?\u201d\u00a0 Seeing Joe\u2019s dubious look, he added, \u201cI promise I won\u2019t be far behind.\u00a0 I just need a minute or two to myself.\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe smiled then.\u00a0 Another need he could understand.\u00a0 \u201cOkay.\u00a0 Might be best I give \u2018em some warning, anyway.\u00a0 See you at the house.\u201d<\/p>\n

This time Adam did successfully roll his eyes\u2014the idea of his family needing warning of his coming!\u2014but Joe, having immediately urged Cochise into a gallop, didn\u2019t see it.\u00a0 \u201cSlow down, little brother,\u201d Adam whispered to the wind.\u00a0 \u201cThe mood Pa\u2019ll be in when he sees you ride in like that is not conducive\u2014sorry about the big word, kid\u2014to my confron\u2014\u201d\u00a0 He groaned.\u00a0 I\u2019ve got to stop thinking of it that way.\u00a0 Got to.\u00a0 It\u2019s not a confrontation; it\u2019s . . . water for a burning soul, Joe called it, and if ever a soul needed it. \u00a0<\/em>He touched his heels softly to Sport\u2019s flanks, and the big chestnut responded with a slow step forward.\u00a0 Snail\u2019s pace<\/em>, Adam thought with an almost impish smile.\u00a0 Wonder if it\u2019ll bother Pa as much as Joe\u2019s charge into the yard<\/em>.<\/p>\n

* * * * *<\/p>\n

Joe checked his speed just before bursting into the ranch yard.\u00a0 Seeing his brother Hoss step out of the barn, he pulled Cochise to an abrupt stop and flew off the pinto\u2019s back.\u00a0 \u201cHey, Hoss, I\u2019m back!\u201d he announced brightly.<\/p>\n

\u201cAlone.\u201d\u00a0 The light that had brightened Hoss\u2019s face at sight of his younger brother faded quickly.<\/p>\n

\u201cNo such a thing,\u201d Joe assured his older brother with a half-scowl, half-grin of mock offense.\u00a0 \u201cAdam\u2019s followin\u2019 along behind, not far back.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHey, that\u2019s good!\u201d\u00a0 The sun burst from behind Hoss\u2019s clouded countenance.\u00a0 \u201cSo you found him and talked him into comin\u2019 back, huh?\u201d\u00a0 He squinted to take a closer look at Joe.\u00a0 \u201cAnd not a mark on you, unless they\u2019re where I can\u2019t see.\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe chuckled.\u00a0 \u201cNo marks anywhere.\u00a0 Told you not to worry, didn\u2019t I?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s exactly why I did worry, little brother,\u201d Hoss said, but he grinned as he slapped the younger boy on the back.<\/p>\n

The front door opened, and Ben Cartwright strode briskly across the yard.\u00a0 \u201cJoseph,\u201d he called, his face warm with welcome . . . and relief.<\/p>\n

\u201cHey, Pa!\u201d\u00a0 Joe trotted across the yard to engulf his father in a hearty embrace.\u00a0 \u201cSure is good to be home!\u00a0 Hop Sing cookin\u2019 up something extra fine?\u00a0 Hope so, \u2018cause I\u2019m in powerful need of something better than older brother\u2019s cooking.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben\u2019s breath caught in his throat.\u00a0 Then he smiled.\u00a0 \u201cYou found your brother?\u201d\u00a0 His eyes sought the road leading to the ranch, and his face fell as he scanned its emptiness.\u00a0 \u201cHe wouldn\u2019t come,\u201d he said sadly.<\/p>\n

\u201cYeah, he\u2019s comin\u2019, Pa,\u201d Joe said quickly. \u00a0\u201cShould be here soon as he finishes racin\u2019 that snail down the road, back a ways.\u00a0 The snail\u2019s winning, sorry to say.\u201d\u00a0 Joe pressed his father\u2019s shoulder.\u00a0 \u201cJust wanted a minute or so to himself . . . to work up his courage, I reckon.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben smiled in amusement.\u00a0 \u201cOh my, yes.\u00a0 Seeing one\u2019s father requires a bracing amount of courage.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSometimes,\u201d Joe said, a twinkle in his eye.<\/p>\n

Ben chuckled and tousled his son\u2019s wind-blown curls.\u00a0 \u201cOnly after misbehavior, young man.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, Adam did sneak out of the house,\u201d Joe teased.\u00a0 \u201cYou used to consider that misbehavior, at least when I did it.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd still might!\u201d \u00a0Ben laughed.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019d advise you not to try it, young fellow.\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe popped him a snappy salute.\u00a0 \u201cYes, sir!\u201d\u00a0 Before his hand fell again to his side, all eyes riveted on the form of the man riding slowly toward them.<\/p>\n

After what Joe had said, Ben feared he might spook his eldest son if he followed his inclination to swoop the boy into a welcoming embrace, so he just took a step away from Joe and waited for Adam to come to him.\u00a0 He needn\u2019t have worried, as Adam dismounted and immediately moved into his father\u2019s open arms.\u00a0 \u201cWelcome home, son,\u201d Ben said simply.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m sorry I worried you,\u201d Adam said.\u00a0 \u201cI needed . . . some time alone . . . but I should have told you.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou were afraid I\u2019d stop you.\u201d\u00a0 Ben nodded soberly.\u00a0 \u201cI would have.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam also nodded.\u00a0 He was not a man of many words, and between him and his father there was often need for none.<\/p>\n

Clapping his son on both shoulders as he released him, Ben straightened up.\u00a0 \u201cDid you get enough time to yourself or . . . uh . . . did a certain . . . distraction\u201d\u2014he glanced meaningfully at Joe\u2014\u201cprevent it?\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam chuckled.\u00a0 \u201cThe . . . distraction . . . proved to be . . . remarkably helpful.\u201d\u00a0 He sobered abruptly.\u00a0 \u201cPa, there are things . . .\u00a0 I . . . I need . . . your help, Pa.\u201d\u00a0 The words were ones Adam Cartwright rarely spoke, and they only issued now with reluctance and with pain.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m here, son.\u201d \u00a0Compassion was in his gaze and warmth in the touch of the hand with which he cupped the young man\u2019s neck.\u00a0 \u201cWhenever you\u2019re ready.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cMe and Hoss can keep busy in the barn,\u201d Joe offered.<\/p>\n

\u201cQuit pushing, little brother,\u201d Adam chided with a grin, but it quickly slipped away.\u00a0 \u201cI think . . . maybe tomorrow would be best.\u201d\u00a0 He looked questioningly at his father.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhenever you need me, Adam.\u201d Ben gazed directly into his son\u2019s dark eyes.\u00a0 \u201cNow . . . tomorrow . . . middle of the night . . . I\u2019ll be ready.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cTomorrow,\u201d Adam stated with firm decision.\u00a0 \u201cIt\u2019s been a long ride.\u00a0 I\u2019m tired and hungry . . . and what I have to say will take some time . . . and energy.\u201d<\/p>\n

And courage<\/em>, Ben thought as they all moved toward the house, while the hand who\u2019d been working with Hoss in the barn took charge of the horses.<\/p>\n

* * * * *<\/p>\n

Ben set a tray holding a coffee pot and two cups, along with a creamer, sugar bowl and several spoons on the table before the fireplace.\u00a0 \u201cAdam?\u201d he said.<\/p>\n

His son, who was standing in front of the fire, gazing steadfastly into the flames, turned.<\/p>\n

\u201cCoffee, son?\u201d Ben asked.<\/p>\n

Adam nodded, glad of even that much excuse for procrastination.\u00a0 His brothers had taken off immediately after breakfast, and there could have been no clearer indication of how much Little Joe wanted this conversation to take place than his sudden \u00a0enthusiasm for mending fences in the north pasture.\u00a0 Adam felt the urgency, too, but couldn\u2019t fathom how to begin.\u00a0 A man as righteous as Ben Cartwright would never see the real hell; of that Adam had been convinced from childhood.\u00a0 The youthful reverence persisted, and somehow, it didn\u2019t seem right to subject Pa, much less Hoss or Little Joe, to even the similitude of it through which he had lived.\u00a0 He accepted the cup of coffee his father poured, taking a sip as he turned back to stare again into the flames.<\/p>\n

\u201cDon\u2019t you usually take cream and sugar with that?\u201d his father asked gently.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat?\u201d\u00a0 Adam looked into the rich, black brew in his cup.\u00a0 \u201cOh . . . yes.\u00a0 I suppose I do.\u201d\u00a0 He dug into the sugar bowl once, as was his habit, and then absent-mindedly added a second teaspoon before dribbling cream into the cup.<\/p>\n

With a concerned frown Ben settled into his padded leather chair and sipped his own sweetened coffee.\u00a0 Lowering it to the saucer in his lap, he suggested softly, \u201cI think it\u2019s time, son.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam turned to him with a weak smile and confessed, \u201cI don\u2019t know how to start, Pa.\u201d<\/p>\n

Propping his elbow on the arm of the chair, Ben cupped his chin in his hand.\u00a0 \u201cThe beginning is usually the best place.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou know the beginning,\u201d Adam said, sitting on the edge of the table before the fireplace.\u00a0 He took another sip of his coffee.<\/p>\n

\u201cYes, but it\u2019s still easier to start there.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIn the beginning,\u201d Adam intoned solemnly as if starting the book of Genesis.\u00a0 His voice broke.\u00a0 \u201cIn the beginning I was an idiot.\u00a0 I flashed money in front of strangers and bragged for anyone to hear about what a good price I\u2019d gotten for the cattle.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cCertainly a departure from your usual discretion,\u201d Ben conceded.<\/p>\n

Adam uttered a short, rough laugh.\u00a0 \u201cMore what you might expect from Joe?\u00a0 I don\u2019t suppose I can blame it on his influence, can I?\u201d\u00a0 Seeing his father\u2019s arched eyebrow, he shook his head.\u00a0 \u201cNo, none of this was Joe\u2019s fault, as I have been at some pains to convince him over the last day or so.\u00a0 I accept the responsibility, as I accepted the consequences of losing the money.\u00a0 I would have made it up from my own account.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOh, Adam,\u201d Ben chided.<\/p>\n

Adam waved a dismissing hand.\u00a0 \u201cOh, I know you wouldn\u2019t have demanded it, but I am my father\u2019s son, after all.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben hid his smile in his coffee cup.\u00a0 \u201cVery much your father\u2019s son,\u201d he said when he lifted his head.\u00a0 \u201cIf you mean that you learned integrity from me, that makes me real proud.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAh, be careful,\u201d Adam cautioned, wagging his finger.\u00a0 \u201cPride goeth before destruction, you know.\u201d<\/p>\n

The bitterness in his son\u2019s voice made Ben\u2019s eyes narrow.\u00a0 \u201cI take it that Scripture has personal meaning for you now.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam laughed harshly.\u00a0 \u201cOh, yes, I\u2019ve plumbed the depths of that one, as well as every work of Greek tragedy I ever studied.\u00a0 Sorry.\u00a0 I\u2019m not allowed to use my college learning during this discussion\u2014Joe\u2019s orders.\u00a0 He thinks I hide behind it.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben\u2019s lips twitched.\u00a0 \u201cHe might have a point, but if I can wade through Joe\u2019s theories about kerosene and water, I can probably get past Greek tragedy or whatever other \u2018college learning\u2019 you throw up as a barrier.\u00a0 Use whatever helps you get it out, son.\u201d<\/p>\n

Waves of gratitude washed over Adam, and he wondered why he had hesitated to talk to his father.\u00a0 When had Pa not been just like this: open and encouraging, loving and accepting, no matter what?\u00a0 Nothing to fear here, but it was still hard to talk.\u00a0 \u201cThanks, Pa,\u201d he whispered.\u00a0 He took a deep breath.\u00a0 \u201cI guess it doesn\u2019t matter whether we talk about the Bible or a Greek play.\u00a0 They both dealt with the same failing of human nature.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cPride?\u201d Ben asked, recalling the verse his son had quoted earlier.<\/p>\n

Adam nodded.\u00a0 \u201cAnd it is my fatal flaw, my besetting sin.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAre you, perhaps, being too hard on yourself?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo.\u201d\u00a0 The word was blunt, decided.<\/p>\n

Ben leaned back into the burgundy cushion.\u00a0 \u201cYou were proud of a job well done on the trail drive.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam laughed.\u00a0 \u201cI hadn\u2019t even thought of that one!\u00a0 You see how steeped in pride I am!\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben shook his head.\u00a0 \u201cI don\u2019t see any problem with that.\u00a0 I take pride in my work, as do both your brothers.\u00a0 In the proper measure, I view it as healthy.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cPerhaps,\u201d Adam conceded.\u00a0 \u201cBragging about it, however . . .\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cTo Joseph,\u201d Ben interrupted, \u201cwho also had worked hard to earn that five thousand dollars and deserved to hear how well the business had been transacted.\u00a0 Now, I agree that quoting the sum aloud among strangers was unwise, but you weren\u2019t deliberately speaking loud enough for those ruffians to hear, were you?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo,\u201d Adam said quickly.\u00a0 \u201cI didn\u2019t intend those words for anyone but Joe, and as you say, he was entitled to hear them.\u00a0 I was simply careless and unguarded, and I regret it.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAn honest mistake,\u201d Ben concluded.\u00a0 \u201cFor your sake I wish you hadn\u2019t made it, but I don\u2019t think you need berate yourself with accusations of pride.\u00a0 I believe your sole intent was to share the satisfaction of a job well done with your young brother, for his sake as much as your own.\u201d\u00a0 He smiled.\u00a0 \u201cThat comes closer to virtue than vice, Adam.\u201d<\/p>\n

Uncomfortable with praise, Adam shrugged.\u00a0 \u201cAs I said, I hadn\u2019t thought of that one until now.\u00a0 My pride showed itself later.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAfter you were robbed?\u201d<\/p>\n

Taking another sip of his coffee, Adam nodded.\u00a0 \u201cBefore that, actually.\u00a0 There was a trial going on in East Gate.\u00a0 Joe wanted to stay to see it.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHe told me.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cDid he tell you why I refused?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo.\u201d\u00a0 Ben chuckled.\u00a0 \u201cHe spent his time telling me how wrong he was to have wanted that, instead of a traipse through the desert with his older brother.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam shook his head.\u00a0 \u201cHe wasn\u2019t wrong; he had every right to spend his free time any way he chose.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben sobered as he placed his empty coffee cup on the small table beside him.\u00a0 \u201cWe\u2019re not here to talk about Joseph . . . and now you\u2019re using him to hide behind, instead of the college learning.\u00a0 Get on with it, Adam.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam slumped forward.\u00a0 \u201cGuilty as charged,\u201d he whispered.\u00a0 \u201cIt\u2019s just . . . so . . . hard, Pa.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben leaned forward to lay a consoling hand on his son\u2019s knee.\u00a0 \u201cI know it\u2019s painful, son, but I sense that this is a wound that won\u2019t heal unless it\u2019s lanced, so the poison can drain out.\u201d<\/p>\n

A wry grin played at the corner of Adam\u2019s mouth.\u00a0 \u201cI never realized this family was so addicted to analogies, Joe with his kerosene and\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAdam!\u201d Ben interrupted sharply.<\/p>\n

Adam raised a remonstrating palm.\u00a0 \u201cJust an observation.\u00a0 I am getting on with it, I promise.\u201d\u00a0 He took a deep breath and plunged in.\u00a0 \u201cI told Joe there was no point in seeing the trial.\u00a0 The case was cut and dried: the accused admitted that he had lost control and murdered his partner, so he\u2019d be found guilty and hanged.\u00a0 I lectured Joe on the responsibility of men for their actions and boasted that no one could drive me to murder.\u201d\u00a0 He sighed.\u00a0 \u201cAnd the worst of it is, I believed that.\u00a0 I believed myself incapable of losing control, and I said it with pride . . . foundationless pride.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhy is it foundationless?\u201d Ben asked.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019ve always seen you as a man solidly in control of himself.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam turned toward the fire and gazed into its flickering flames, as if seeing there a reenactment of what he had experienced in the desert.\u00a0 When he finally spoke, he asked softly, \u201cHas anyone ever set out to destroy you, Pa?\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben\u2019s brow wrinkled, but he sensed that Adam was not still procrastinating.\u00a0 \u201cWell,\u201d he drawled softly as he thought over the question, \u201cI\u2019ve dealt with business rivals, who wanted\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo,\u201d Adam interrupted sharply.\u00a0 \u201cThat\u2019s not what I mean.\u00a0 Not someone who wanted to best you in business, even to the extent of taking the Ponderosa from you, devastating as that would be.\u00a0 And I don\u2019t mean someone who wanted to take your life; we\u2019ve all faced that, but . . . what I mean is . . .\u201d\u00a0 He swallowed hard and continued, \u201cI mean someone who wanted to destroy the essence of who you are\u2014to take your very soul from you.\u201d<\/p>\n

The furrows in Ben\u2019s brow deepened.\u00a0 \u201cNo,\u201d he said slowly.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019ve had my enemies, of course, but I don\u2019t think any of them ever wanted to destroy me that completely.\u201d\u00a0 Oppressive silence hung between them for a moment, and then Ben asked, \u201cIs that what they tried to do to you?\u201d<\/p>\n

Looking puzzled, Adam glanced toward his father.\u00a0 \u201cThey?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThe men who attacked you, left you for dead.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam snorted.\u00a0 \u201cNot them.\u00a0 They were just garden-variety hooligans, compared to my real nemesis.\u00a0 Kane refined deviltry like silver in a smelter.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cKane?\u201d Ben asked, his face reflecting his confusion.\u00a0 \u201cBut I thought\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThat he saved my life?\u201d\u00a0 Again Adam uttered that bitter laugh.\u00a0 \u201cSo did I . . . in the beginning.\u201d\u00a0 He drew a bolstering breath.\u00a0 \u201cI couldn\u2019t believe my luck when I stumbled into his camp and found not only the food and water my body needed, but an intelligent, well-spoken man with impeccable manners and even gentility in his lifestyle, despite his rough surroundings.<\/p>\n

\u201cHe\u2019d heard of the Ponderosa and seemed to think that being a Cartwright gave me certain advantages in life.\u201d\u00a0 He shrugged.\u00a0 \u201cI suppose it does, but not in the way he implied.\u00a0 I assured him that hard work had built this ranch\u2014more pride rearing its ugly head.\u00a0 Then, after I explained what had happened to me, we debated the same issue that Joe and I had back in East Gate.\u00a0 He was far more eloquent in stating his position than Joe had been, but they basically made the same point\u2014under difficult enough circumstances, any man could be driven to murder.\u00a0 I disagreed and was convinced I\u2019d carried the argument, but I was wrong.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben leaned forward, eyes fixed on his son\u2019s face.\u00a0 \u201cHow did you determine that?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSlowly,\u201d Adam replied, his mouth quirking up on one side, \u201cthough I don\u2019t suppose it would have mattered in the long run if I\u2019d discerned it immediately.\u201d\u00a0 He shook his head and exhaled gustily.\u00a0 \u201cKane offered me food, water and transportation out of the desert, but he wanted something in return\u2014three days helping him work his mine, he said, and then we\u2019d leave together.\u00a0 I was concerned about Joe, of course, knowing he\u2019d be at Signal Rock, wondering what had become of me, but I felt I had no choice.\u00a0 After all, the food, the water, the mule\u2014they all belonged to Kane, so I accepted the bargain and considered myself fortunate that the price of survival was that cheap.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHe didn\u2019t keep the bargain,\u201d Ben said gravely.<\/p>\n

Adam\u2019s head came up.\u00a0 \u201cHow could you know that?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSimple deduction,\u201d Ben replied.\u00a0 \u201cYou were missing a lot longer than three days.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cRight,\u201d Adam agreed with a rueful chuckle at how his usual command of logic had so slipped that he\u2019d overlooked the obvious.\u00a0 He took a final sip of coffee and set the cup aside, for he was coming to the most difficult part of his story.\u00a0 \u201cI worked hard those three days, with Kane constantly pushing me, complaining every time I took a breather.\u00a0 It irked me that I seemed to be doing all the work, while he sat and examined the ore, but I\u2019d made my bargain and I was determined to keep it.\u00a0 When the sun set that third day, I told Kane that it was time for us to leave.\u00a0 He insisted that we were close to the gold he was after and refused, so I took a canteen and some supplies and moved toward the mule.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben\u2019s eyebrow arched in surprise.\u00a0 \u201cYou were going to leave him alone, with no way out of the desert?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019d have gone back for him . . . with fresh supplies,\u201d Adam assured his father, \u201cbut I never got the chance.\u00a0 Kane shot the mule.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben straightened up, his spine rigid.\u00a0 \u201cHe shot the mule?\u00a0 But why?\u00a0 That was his way out of there, too.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cGetting out wasn\u2019t what he wanted,\u201d Adam grunted harshly.\u00a0 \u201cWhat he wanted was to prove that he was a better man, to break me, to throw my own prideful words back in my face.\u201d\u00a0 Seeing that his father was having a hard time putting the pieces together, Adam said plainly, \u201cHis goal was to prove that I could be driven to murder.\u00a0 He wanted me to kill him.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben collapsed back in his chair, shaking his head in disbelief.\u00a0 \u201cHe must have been mad.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cProbably,\u201d Adam conceded, \u201cbut madman or devil, he was methodical and unrelenting in his pursuit of that goal.\u201d\u00a0 Slowly, phrase by faltering phrase, word by hesitant word, Adam detailed his abuse at the hands of Peter Kane.\u00a0 He kept his gaze fixed on the fire, for he dared not check his father\u2019s reaction for fear that what he saw might so unnerve him that he couldn\u2019t continue.\u00a0 Though his voice remained calm and steady, he gripped the edge of the table on which he was sitting until his knuckles turned white, the only outlet he allowed for his emotions.<\/p>\n

To Ben, however, the signs of tension were clear, and his own rising heart rate matched that of his son as Adam related a tale of horror almost beyond belief.\u00a0 At one point he reached out to circle his son\u2019s biceps, but Adam didn\u2019t respond.\u00a0 He just kept staring into the fire and talking, word after tortured word, until the tale was finally told and he slumped forward, his shirt soaked with perspiration, both his breath and emotions spent.<\/p>\n

Ben quickly moved to sit next to him on the table and put an arm around his son.\u00a0 \u201cOh, Adam.\u00a0 Oh, son,\u201d he murmured, unable at first to say more.\u00a0 His son had come to him for help, and Ben feared he had nothing within him strong enough to meet the need.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt was a game to him,\u201d Adam growled, for locked in his father\u2019s arms, it seemed safe to release some of the pent-up emotion. \u00a0\u201cTo me, the embodiment of hell, but to him, just a game . . . a game he nearly won.\u201d\u00a0 He leaned into his father\u2019s side.\u00a0 \u201cEven after you\u2019d found me and brought me home, I thought he had won, that he\u2019d succeeded in making me a murderer, because he never got up after I\u2014after I . . .\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben tightened his embrace, and drawing strength from the love flowing from father to son, Adam continued,\u00a0 \u201cBut Joe opened my eyes, and I know now that I didn\u2019t kill Kane.\u00a0 I still don\u2019t understand what did.\u201d\u00a0 His hazel eyes clouded with bewilderment.\u00a0 \u201cHe shouldn\u2019t have died, Pa.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t do him any lasting damage in the fight; I realize that now.\u00a0 And he was in better shape than I was, to start with.\u00a0 He was eating full rations, while cutting mine in half; he was sitting idle while I sweated in that mine.\u00a0 Yet I was the one dragging him out of the desert.\u201d\u00a0 He bowed his head, shaking it from side to side.\u00a0 \u201cIt doesn\u2019t make sense.\u00a0 It just doesn\u2019t make sense that the weaker man lived and the stronger one died.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben began massaging the taut muscles of his son\u2019s shoulders.\u00a0 \u201cThat isn\u2019t what happened, Adam,\u201d he said firmly. \u00a0\u201cThe stronger man did live, and the weaker one died.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo, Pa,\u201d Adam protested.\u00a0 \u201cYou don\u2019t understand.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben cupped the younger man\u2019s chin in his palm and turned it so he could look into his son\u2019s eyes.\u00a0 \u201cNo, Adam, it\u2019s you who don\u2019t understand.\u00a0 You\u2019re speaking of physical strength, and by that standard, you probably were the weaker man.\u00a0 But strength of character and strength of purpose enter the equation, too.\u00a0 Tell me, son, why did you try so hard to get away?\u00a0 Why did you keep trudging through that desert, dragging that man, when all reason said the situation was hopeless?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI wanted to live,\u201d Adam answered simply, and his voice choked as he added, \u201cI wanted to get back to you, to Hoss, to Joe.\u201d<\/p>\n

Eyes shimmering, Ben nodded.\u00a0 \u201cThat\u2019s the difference.\u00a0 You had something to live for, so against all odds you survived.\u00a0 What did Kane have?\u201d<\/p>\n

The light dawned as Adam contrasted Kane\u2019s lifetime of isolated and fruitless quest for gold with his father\u2019s\u2014and his own\u2014dream of building a home and a heritage for those who would come after. \u201cNothing,\u201d he whispered.\u00a0 \u00a0\u201cNo one.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cA man can endure a lot when his will to live is strong,\u201d Ben said, rising to his feet.\u00a0 He grasped his son by the shoulder.\u00a0 \u201cYours was, but Kane\u2019s will was as shriveled as his soul.\u00a0 You said earlier that he\u2019d set out to destroy your soul, but it was his own he demolished in the attempt.\u00a0 And once the soul dies\u201d\u2014he spread his hands in a gesture of inevitability\u2014\u201cthe empty shell can\u2019t help but follow.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam gazed thoughtfully up into his father\u2019s face.\u00a0 \u201cIs it as simple as that?\u00a0 He didn\u2019t live because he didn\u2019t want to?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAs simple as that,\u201d Ben affirmed.\u00a0 He lifted the coffee pot and freshened Adam\u2019s cup, handing it to him.\u00a0 \u201cWould you like me to tell your brothers?\u201d he asked quietly as he poured himself another cup of coffee, as well.<\/p>\n

Adam stiffened involuntarily.\u00a0 \u201cIs that necessary?\u201d\u00a0 Seeing his father frown, he said, \u201cI mean, they\u2019re both so . . . young, so . . . innocent of that level of evil.\u00a0 Kane\u2019s dead, so not even Joe can go off half-cocked and do anything crazy, but I\u2019d rather spare them a visit to that particular corner of hell.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben chuckled, shaking his head as he sat down.\u00a0 \u201cYou know, son, I think you may have been right before.\u201d\u00a0 When Adam arched a quizzical eyebrow in his direction, Ben said, \u201cI think pride just might be your besetting sin\u2014oh, don\u2019t look so shocked.\u00a0 We all have one.\u201d<\/p>\n

A smile lifted one corner of Adam\u2019s mouth.\u00a0 \u201cEven you?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYes,\u201d Ben admitted with a wink, \u201cbut don\u2019t expect me to tell you what it is!\u00a0 And don\u2019t change the subject.\u00a0 We were discussing your pride.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019ve lost me,\u201d Adam admitted.<\/p>\n

\u201cCould that be the real reason you hesitate to tell your brothers what happened to you?\u00a0 Not to protect their supposed innocence, but to protect their image of you as the unfailingly strong older brother, who is always there for them, without ever needing help himself.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam pursed his lips in thought.\u00a0 \u201cPerhaps,\u201d he conceded reluctantly.<\/p>\n

Ben lifted his well-worn Bible from the table at his side and paged through it.\u00a0 \u201cOr perhaps it isn\u2019t pride.\u00a0 Perhaps you\u2019ve just filled the role of protector for so many years that it\u2019s ingrained into you, but there\u2019s a time to be strong and a time to lean on the strength of others.\u00a0 Read this, Adam.\u201d\u00a0 He handed over the Bible and pointed to a verse.<\/p>\n

Adam looked down at the Bible and discovered that it was opened to Proverbs, not to the passage on pride that he had quoted earlier, but to the seventeenth chapter.\u00a0 \u201c\u2018A brother is born for adversity,\u2019\u201d he read aloud.<\/p>\n

\u201cYour brothers are mature and strong-hearted young men, Adam, and they\u2019re there to support you,\u201d Ben said, \u201cgiven to you by God for that very purpose.\u00a0 And now, in your time of adversity, you need that support, possibly more than you realize.\u00a0 Don\u2019t underestimate their strength and don\u2019t deny them the chance to give back to you what you\u2019ve so often given to them.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam sat silent for a few minutes, and then, exhaling slowly, lifted his head decisively.\u00a0 \u201cWould you tell them for me?\u201d he asked.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2014I don\u2019t think I could get through it a second time.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s why I offered,\u201d Ben said gently.\u00a0 He stood to his feet and spread his arms.\u00a0 \u201cNow, come here.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam, usually so shy of physical contact, moved at once into his father\u2019s open arms. \u00a0As he soaked in the whispered words of love and compassion, he felt a fountain of refreshing water spring up within his tortured soul, and the haunting specter of Peter Kane was finally laid to rest.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The End<\/p>\n

\u00a9 January, 2008<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Summary: \u00a0Returning home with Little Joe, Adam Cartwright seeks his father’s help in dealing with the aftermath of his “Crucible” experience in the desert with Kane.<\/p>\n

Rated: K+ \u00a0WC \u00a05000<\/p>\n

A Brother’s Torment Series, links to all the stories within the series included.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":48,"featured_media":11570,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"template-full-width-post.php","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_members_access_role":[],"_members_access_error":""},"categories":[23,1008,13],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-3575","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-drama","category-family","category-whn","wpcat-23-id","wpcat-1008-id","wpcat-13-id"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/08\/normal_The_Crucible_47.jpg?fit=400%2C298&ssl=1","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3575","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/48"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=3575"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3575\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/11570"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=3575"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=3575"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=3575"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}