{"id":35830,"date":"2021-01-17T16:53:02","date_gmt":"2021-01-17T21:53:02","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=35830"},"modified":"2025-09-25T15:38:52","modified_gmt":"2025-09-25T19:38:52","slug":"marie-once-more-by-pjb","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=35830","title":{"rendered":"Marie, Once More (by pjb)"},"content":{"rendered":"

Synopsis:<\/strong> Be careful what you wish for. A What Happened Later for Marie, My Love.<\/p>\n

Rating:<\/strong> PG-13 (mild sexual content)<\/p>\n

Word count:<\/strong> 5,275<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Marie, Once More<\/strong><\/span><\/h4>\n
by pjb<\/strong><\/h5>\n

 <\/p>\n

If you no longer live,<\/em><\/p>\n

If you, my love, if you<\/em><\/p>\n

have died, .\u00a0.\u00a0.<\/em><\/p>\n

my feet will want to find you wherever you lie sleeping,<\/em><\/p>\n

but I will stay alive.\u00a0.\u00a0.\u00a0.<\/em><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Pablo Neruda, \u201cThe Dead Woman\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

******<\/p>\n

Afterward, what Ben remembered was how quiet the night had been. The boys were off on a cattle drive. Hop Sing was visiting relatives in San Francisco. Days and nights of solitude stretched before him.<\/p>\n

It was the kind of night that made him long for Marie. A night of privacy, when they could make love on the settee or wherever else they chose. His sons would have been at least slightly shocked to know how many places in this respectable home had hosted their passions. Every room at one time or another. The long low pine table in front of the fireplace. Ben\u2019s desk, where they\u2019d swept everything to the floor before he bent her over and raised her skirts. The kitchen floor while Hop Sing was in town. Even the dining room table, which had creaked slightly under their weight, causing them to finish quickly and roll off before it could collapse. Not to mention the barn, its loft, and even the front porch late at night when no one else was awake.<\/p>\n

Now, he sat in his red leather chair next to the fireplace, trying not to dwell on the memories of their lovemaking because really, what was the point? He didn\u2019t even know what was conjuring up these thoughts tonight. Surely he\u2019d be better off at his desk, working, making plans for the future of the Ponderosa.<\/p>\n

Except he missed her. Always had, always would. He missed Elizabeth and Inger, of course, but there was something different about the way he missed Marie. Maybe because they\u2019d had more time together, and much of that time had been right here, in this house. This had been her last home. She belonged here as much as he did.<\/p>\n

\u201cI miss you, cherie<\/em>,\u201d he said aloud. Tears welled up. He was not surprised; he\u2019d realized long ago that they would never go away. Her absence would always pain him, like the occasional ache in the leg he\u2019d broken as a young rancher trying to gentle a horse that would not be tamed. \u201cI miss you,\u201d he repeated, tears falling. \u201cI miss you so much. I miss you, I miss you, I miss you.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd I miss you.\u201d<\/p>\n

He could hear her voice as if she stood beside him, and it pierced his soul. How could she have left him that way? Not that it was her choice\u2014the horse fell, she had no control over that\u2014but in an instant, their life together was over. She was gone and it wasn\u2019t fair, it wasn\u2019t right, it wasn\u2019t fair\u2014he could almost feel her gentle hand on his shoulder, as if she were really in the room, really present, her lips in his hair, her breath on his cheek\u2014<\/p>\n

\u201cBenjamin, mon cheri<\/em>.\u201d<\/p>\n

He sobbed in earnest now, his fantasy of her so vivid he thought he could smell her perfume, faded roses with a touch of what might have been dust. \u201cWhy did you leave me? Marie, my love, why did you leave?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI didn\u2019t want to.\u201d<\/p>\n

He was losing his mind, he must be. He could have sworn he heard her speak, that musical lilt making even the most mundane statement magical. Then he thought he felt her again, her arms around his shoulders, her kiss on his brow. He looked up, and\u2014<\/p>\n

\u201cMon cheri<\/em>.\u201d<\/p>\n

There she stood, as beautiful as the day she died. Her silken blond curls, her wide brown eyes, her luscious pink lips. \u201cMarie,\u201d he whispered. \u201cOh, my Marie. If only you were really here.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI am, Benjamin.\u201d<\/p>\n

The statement was so startling that he stopped crying. He reached out, expecting to see his hand go through his dream, but she caught it and held it.<\/p>\n

\u201cMarie?\u201d It was impossible, but it was real. She stood next to him as though she\u2019d never left. Her touch was cool, but otherwise exactly as he\u2019d known it. He tried to speak, but he choked on his own voice. He started to rise, but she pushed him back into his chair and settled herself on his lap as she had so many times.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s really me, cheri<\/em>,\u201d she said. \u201cTruly, mon amour<\/em>.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBut\u2014but how\u2014what\u2014why\u2014?\u201d His thoughts and feelings and words jumbled together, none coherent.<\/p>\n

\u201cSsssh.\u201d She placed her fingers on his lips as she had done so many times before. \u201cI have been trying to come back to you ever since that day. And now, here I am.\u201d She kissed him, and his heart pounded.<\/p>\n

\u201cBut\u2014how? Are you\u2014are you alive? Did you not\u2014?\u201d He couldn\u2019t say \u201cdie.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI did,\u201d she said. \u201cBut I\u2019m here. I can\u2019t explain why.\u201d She stroked his hair. \u201cYour hair was dark then.\u201d<\/p>\n

He smiled in spite of the tears still staining his cheeks. \u201cIt\u2019s been a long time,\u201d he said. \u201cEighteen years.\u201d And two months and four days<\/em>, he nearly added.<\/p>\n

\u201cThe boys are grown.\u201d<\/p>\n

He wasn\u2019t certain whether she was asking him or telling him. \u201cYes,\u201d he said. \u201cHave you\u2014can you\u2014do you\u2014?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI have not seen them,\u201d Marie said. \u201cBut I imagine Little Joe has grown up.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWe don\u2019t call him Little Joe very much anymore,\u201d Ben said. \u201cHe\u2019s just Joe now.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHe\u2019ll always be Little Joe to me,\u201d she said. \u201cAnd Hoss\u2014he was a big boy then.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNow he\u2019s even bigger than Inger\u2019s brother,\u201d Ben said. A thought occurred to him. \u201cHave you met her? Or Elizabeth?\u201d<\/p>\n

Marie\u2019s laugh filled the room. \u201cAre you worried that we\u2019ve talked about you?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2014I just wondered\u2014Are they coming, too?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo, mon amour<\/em>,\u201d she said. \u201cIt doesn\u2019t work that way.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHow does it work?\u201d<\/p>\n

Marie sighed. Even her sigh was lovely. \u201cI can\u2019t explain. Just know that I was able to come back to you. I know it seems like a long time to you, but for us, it was the blink of an eye.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHow long can you stay?\u201d<\/p>\n

She kissed him. \u201cAs long as you like. I\u2019ll be here until you say, \u2018Begone.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI would never do that.\u201d He wrapped his arms around her and held her close. She shifted in his lap, and he could feel himself responding. He wanted to ask if they could make love, but it seemed a strangely presumptuous thing to ask of his dead wife.<\/p>\n

She extricated herself from his arms and rose from his lap. \u201cCome, mon cheri<\/em>,\u201d she said, holding out one delicate hand. The look in her eyes told him everything he needed to know. Laughing like newlyweds, they ran up the stairs to his bedroom.<\/p>\n

******<\/p>\n

The next morning, his first thought was that it had been a dream. Then, he turned his head and saw her asleep on her side of the bed. He reached over and stroked her hair, and he could feel it under his fingers. He nuzzled his face in her curls, and he smelled again the faint scent of faded roses and dust. He reached around her to draw her body close to his, his hand cupping her breast as he had so many times when he was alive.<\/p>\n

\u201cGood morning, my darling,\u201d she whispered. She turned over, smiling drowsily.<\/p>\n

\u201cI can\u2019t believe you\u2019re really here,\u201d he said. \u201cI\u2019m so afraid I\u2019m going to wake up.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBe awake,\u201d she said. \u201cI\u2019m really here.\u201d She kissed him; her lips were cool.<\/p>\n

Banging on the door downstairs startled both of them. \u201cWho is that?\u201d she asked.<\/p>\n

\u201cProbably one of the hands,\u201d Ben said. \u201cWait here.\u201d He pulled on his robe, tying the sash as he descended the stairs. When he opened the door, he saw Cody, one of the few who hadn\u2019t gone on the cattle drive.<\/p>\n

\u201cMorning, Mr. Cartwright,\u201d said Cody. The boy looked uncomfortable, as if he\u2019d caught Ben doing something unseemly.<\/p>\n

\u201cMorning, Cody,\u201d Ben said. \u201cWhat can I do for you?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, sir, you said we were going over to Mr. Anthony\u2019s ranch to look at that stallion first thing in the morning, and\u2014well, it\u2019s almost ten, and I wanted to be sure you were okay.\u201d As if to prove the boy correct, the grandfather clock next to the door chimed ten.<\/p>\n

Ben had no idea what time he and Marie had finally fallen asleep, but the truth was that all he wanted was to return to their bed. \u201cTell you what,\u201d he said. \u201cYou and Clint go over and take a look at the stallion and tell me what you think. If he\u2019s worth the trip, I\u2019ll go over later.\u201d<\/p>\n

Cody looked uncertain. \u201cYes, sir,\u201d he said. Then he glanced past Ben, and his eyes widened. \u201cWe\u2019ll take care of it, sir.\u201d He darted away, and Ben closed the door.<\/p>\n

\u201cWho was that?\u201d Marie asked. Ben whirled around to see her coming down the stairs. She wore wearing Joe\u2019s rough brown robe.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat are you doing down here?\u201d he demanded. He could only imagine the stories that would be circulating among the men.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m going to make us some breakfast,\u201d she said. \u201cAfter all, we need to keep our strength up.\u201d She rose up on her toes to kiss him and took his hand to lead him into the kitchen.<\/p>\n

Two hours later, they were finishing their breakfast in bed. Ben couldn\u2019t recall when he\u2019d ever felt so contented. He hated to get up, but he didn\u2019t know when Cody would return, and he certainly didn\u2019t want to be caught in flagrante delicto <\/em>again. \u201cDarling, I need to get up,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n

She pouted. \u201cMust you?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI must. Will you be here later?\u201d He kept his voice casual, but his heart pounded.<\/p>\n

\u201cI told you before. I\u2019ll be here until you say, \u2018Begone.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThat could never happen,\u201d he said, kissing her. Before he could get up, her arms were around his neck, and she was pulling him down on top of her again.<\/p>\n

******<\/p>\n

The pattern continued for three blissful days. When Ben went outside, the ranch hands were careful not to meet his eye. He considered having a word with Cody about discretion, but that horse had clearly left the barn.<\/p>\n

He told Marie to stay inside. He couldn\u2019t risk having anyone see her who might recognize her. \u201cWhat would Roy Coffee say if he saw you?\u201d Ben asked as they ate dinner one night.<\/p>\n

\u201cMost likely, he wouldn\u2019t believe his eyes,\u201d Marie said. She sipped her wine. \u201cBut I\u2019m not interested in him. It\u2019s the boys I want to see.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo.\u201d The word was out before he could stop it.<\/p>\n

\u201cNo?\u201d Her left eyebrow arched.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou can\u2019t do that to them.\u201d As if it had happened yesterday, he remembered his boys weeping at her graveside. Little Joe wailing, Hoss sobbing, Adam clenching his jaw as tears rolled down his face. Heartbroken, all of them.<\/p>\n

It had taken so long for them to get over her death. Even now, Joe\u2019s eyes grew wistful whenever anyone mentioned Marie although he never tired of their well-worn stories. Hoss chuckled as he told tales of her wonderful meals, and Adam recalled how she taught him to dance. But being able to talk about her without tears and sorrow had come at a high price. One Ben was determined they would never pay again.<\/p>\n

But Marie said, \u201cThey\u2019re my sons, too. I have a right to see them. As their mother.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo,\u201d Ben said. \u201cI won\u2019t allow it.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThere\u2019s only one thing you can do to stop me.\u201d Her eyes flashed fire as she mouthed the word begone<\/em>.<\/p>\n

No. There had to be another way. \u201cCan\u2019t you do something so that only I can see you?\u201d<\/p>\n

Her laugh had a bitter note. \u201cIt doesn\u2019t work that way, mon amour<\/em>. It\u2019s all or nothing. I\u2019m here, or I\u2019m gone.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat if you left, but not permanently? Could you come back again?\u201d Maybe they could work something out where she only came to him when everyone was away.<\/p>\n

She shook her head. \u201cThis is it. If I leave again, it\u2019s forever.\u201d<\/p>\n

He could almost feel his heart breaking. \u201cSurely we can figure something out.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhy is it so awful if I see the boys? Don\u2019t you think they\u2019ll want to see me?\u201d<\/p>\n

Of course they would<\/em>, he admitted to himself. Joe would be thrilled beyond all imagining. Adam and Hoss, too. They could be a family again, all of them together. He was a fool even to hesitate.<\/p>\n

Maybe the answer was to pretend she was someone else, someone who merely looked like Marie. So many people had come and gone through Virginia City over the years that practically no one would remember her. Roy Coffee, and a few others, but not many.<\/p>\n

He tried to imagine telling Roy the truth, that Marie had returned from the dead. Roy would probably have him locked up in the asylum, he thought ruefully. He\u2019d never believe it.<\/p>\n

Neither would the boys. No matter what she told them, they wouldn\u2019t believe her. Joe would hate them both, convinced they were lying to him, toying with his feelings about his mother. Adam, always so logical, would never accept the notion. Even Hoss, who would be most likely to countenance a supernatural experience, would think it was a cruel joke.<\/p>\n

Ben regarded the beautiful woman drinking from the rose-colored coffee cup. She\u2019d chosen these cups. In fact, her mark was all over the house. It was her home as much as it was theirs.<\/p>\n

******<\/p>\n

The next morning, Marie announced, \u201cI\u2019d like to go into Virginia City.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat?\u201d Ben, who was putting on his boot, stopped dead.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ve been in this house for days. It would be nice to get out and see everyone again.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou can\u2019t do that!\u201d<\/p>\n

She shrugged prettily. \u201cWhy not?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019re\u2014you\u2019re dead. You\u2019re a ghost.\u201d It was the first time he\u2019d said it aloud.<\/p>\n

She shrugged again. \u201cThey won\u2019t know that.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cDarling, you just can\u2019t,\u201d Ben said even though there was a part of him that was growing restless, too. He hadn\u2019t spent this long sequestered in the house since last year when Little Joe had pneumonia. While Adam and Hoss ran the ranch, Ben spent hours by his youngest son\u2019s bedside, making steam tents to help him breathe, helping him to sip broth between coughing fits, reassuring the boy\u2014and himself\u2014that everything would be all right. When the day finally came that the two went outside, Joe still unsteady on his father\u2019s arm, the sun on their faces felt like a benediction.<\/p>\n

Marie had never been the type to sit inside and do needlework. If she had, she mightn\u2019t have been riding the gray stallion that fateful day, Ben thought before he could stop himself. But he\u2019d known from the start what she was like, ever since he saw her riding in New Orleans.<\/p>\n

\u201cI suppose you could wear a veil and use a different name,\u201d he ventured.<\/p>\n

\u201cDon\u2019t be silly,\u201d she said. \u201cI am who I am. I haven\u2019t come all the way back from beyond to pretend.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat if we go for a ride around the ranch instead?\u201d He wasn\u2019t certain why he suddenly felt so desperate. So what if she did tell people who she was? Nobody would believe her. At most, they\u2019d think she was beautiful and feeble-minded. Even Roy would never believe it was really her.<\/p>\n

Except what if word got back to his sons that their father had been parading around Virginia City with a woman who claimed to be the late Marie Cartwright? Adam and Hoss would be horrified; Joe would be devastated. No. She couldn\u2019t go out and see people without a disguise and a false name, and she couldn\u2019t see anyone she\u2019d known. She simply couldn\u2019t.<\/p>\n

She was wearing that determined look that used to mean she was going to get her way no matter what. Ben wasn\u2019t certain whether to be furious or frightened, so he used the only weapon at his disposal: he pushed aside the dishes, set her on the table, and lifted her skirts.<\/p>\n

******<\/p>\n

That was Friday. Marie had come to him on Monday night. Saturday night, she announced that she wanted to go to church on Sunday. \u201cAt least there would be no more doubters about life after death,\u201d she pointed out.<\/p>\n

\u201cWe can\u2019t,\u201d Ben said for what felt like the thousandth time. The truth was that he wanted to go to church, if only to see something besides the walls of his own house and barn, but he couldn\u2019t take Marie. He was getting worried, though. Her restlessness was increasing. She\u2019d taken to rearranging the furniture every time he went out to the barn. When she ran out of ways to move the chairs and settee around, she set to work reorganizing the kitchen; Hop Sing would have a fit when he came back, but it kept her occupied.<\/p>\n

Even when she went out back to the garden to pick vegetables for meals, Ben watched to make sure she wouldn\u2019t sneak off to the barn, grab a horse, and ride away. It was the same reason he didn\u2019t take her riding\u2014if she decided to head for Virginia City, how could he stop her? He suggested a buggy ride, but she dismissed that as something for old women. \u201cI\u2019m not old,\u201d she said with a so there!<\/em> head bob. It was true, of course: she literally hadn\u2019t aged a day.<\/p>\n

Which was another reason he couldn\u2019t take her to Virginia City\u2014the people who had known her would recognize her instantly. Not that they\u2019d believe she could really be Marie, but they\u2019d remark on the resemblance, and what could he say? If he wasn\u2019t willing to admit she was Marie, how would he explain where he met her?<\/p>\n

So many questions, and no answers.<\/p>\n

******<\/p>\n

On Monday, Cody came back from town with the mail. \u201cThe widow Dobson sent you a note,\u201d he added.<\/p>\n

\u201cThanks, Cody.\u201d Ben waited until the young man had gone back to the corral before opening Susannah Dobson\u2019s note.<\/p>\n

My dearest Ben,<\/em><\/h6>\n
I would very much like for you to come to dinner on Wednesday. <\/em><\/h6>\n
With my fondest wishes,<\/em><\/h6>\n
Susannah<\/em><\/h6>\n

\u201cWhat is that?\u201d Marie asked.<\/p>\n

\u201cNothing,\u201d said Ben. \u201cJust a note from a friend.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIs it someone I know?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo,\u201d he said honestly.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat does this friend want?\u201d<\/p>\n

He wanted to tell her it was none of her business, but she was his wife. \u201cIt\u2019s a dinner invitation.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHow delightful! It will be wonderful to meet your friend!\u201d<\/p>\n

Not once during any of his marriages had Ben ever strayed, but now he felt as if he were doing precisely that. Over the past two months, he and Susannah Dobson had enjoyed several dinners, and their encounters were definitely trending toward the romantic. He wasn\u2019t in love with her, but his feelings were heading in that direction. Susannah was kind, generous, intelligent, and amusing. Their conversations ran the gamut from lighthearted banter to spirited debate to solemn discussions about important subjects. She had told him about her late husband; he had told her about his wives. Susannah had twin sons who were bankers in Chicago and a daughter who was married to a Philadelphia lawyer. Susannah\u2019s husband was a doctor who came to Virginia City to build the first hospital; a year later, he died of the fever in that very hospital.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhy did you stay on?\u201d Ben inquired over dinner one night.<\/p>\n

\u201cBecause in a short time, Virginia City became my home,\u201d Susannah replied. \u201cI\u2019ve never had any interest in Philadelphia, and I spent quite enough years of my life in Chicago. Besides, I like overseeing Jonah\u2019s work here.\u201d As a woman, Susannah was not permitted to serve on the hospital board of directors formally, but after her husband\u2019s passing, the board had voted unanimously to grant her a lifetime honorary membership.<\/p>\n

Now, Susannah\u2019s note felt like a fiery branding iron searing his hand. He couldn\u2019t tell Marie about Susannah, any more than he could tell Susannah about Marie\u2019s return. The truth was that he wanted to have dinner with Susannah. He loved Marie, truly he did, but right then, all he wanted to do was to ride into Virginia City and accept Susannah\u2019s invitation in person. Then, he would drop by the sheriff\u2019s office to chat with Roy, followed by a stop at the Silver Dollar for a beer, after which he\u2019d ride out to see Lake Tahoe shimmering in the sunlight and then swing by the corral where the hands were busting broncs. His precious house, the one he\u2019d built with his own hands, where he\u2019d raised his sons, where he\u2019d brought her as a bride\u2014it felt stifling.<\/p>\n

\u201cBen? Are you listening?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOf course, darling,\u201d he lied.<\/p>\n

\u201cNo, you\u2019re not,\u201d she said. \u201cI asked you your friend\u2019s name.\u201d<\/p>\n

There was no escaping the question. \u201cMrs. Dobson.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cMrs.? What about Mr. Dobson?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019d know him better than I,\u201d Ben said.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat is that supposed to mean?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIt means he\u2019s dead,\u201d Ben snapped.<\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t actually know everyone who has died,\u201d Marie shot back. \u201cBut I\u2019ll be sure to look him up when you send me back.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat are you talking about?\u201d<\/p>\n

She waved her hand at the note Ben still held. \u201cClearly you want me to leave so you can have dinner with your friend.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI never said that!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThen take me to dinner with you.\u201d She crossed her arms and raised an eyebrow.<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd say what? \u2018Meet my dead wife\u2019?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s a terrible thing to call me!\u201d She whirled and ran up the stairs.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat else should I call you?\u201d Ben shouted after her. The bedroom door slammed.<\/p>\n

Ben poured a brandy, drank it in a single gulp, and poured another. He was at a loss, he truly was. On one hand, he was thrilled beyond belief to have Marie back. On the other hand, living with a dead woman was .\u00a0.\u00a0. complicated.<\/p>\n

******<\/p>\n

In the end, he declined Susannah\u2019s invitation. He wrote that he had a guest staying with him. He wanted to suggest that they meet at another time, but how could this be unless Marie went back\u2014a thought that felt like a dagger in his heart whenever it crossed his mind?<\/p>\n

As the days passed, Ben felt more and more as if he were imprisoned. He was certain the reason he and Marie were bickering so much was that she felt precisely the same way. Surely if they could get out of the house and off the Ponderosa, things would be better. They could go to an obscure town where nobody knew them, or maybe somewhere like San Francisco, a city big enough for them to be anonymous. That could work.<\/p>\n

Except this would be a temporary fix, he admitted. Sooner or later, they\u2019d have to return to the Ponderosa, and it would only be a matter of time before she began chafing at the notion of remaining in the house and out of sight.<\/p>\n

On Thursday afternoon, Ben realized suddenly that the boys would be home the next day. He was no closer to a solution than he\u2019d been the night Marie arrived. All he knew was that they couldn\u2019t see her. Let the ranch hands tell them about the woman Ben had been playing house with during their absence. He could live with that. He could live with anything as long as she didn\u2019t break their hearts again.<\/p>\n

Marie had no intention of leaving before they returned. She had made that perfectly clear. In fact, she delighted in prowling around their rooms, scanning the books on Adam\u2019s shelves, admiring Hoss\u2019s enormous bedstead, fingering the locket Little Joe had framed and kept by his bed. She chattered about how happy they would be to see her, how she couldn\u2019t wait to see them all grown up, how marvelous it would be for their family to be together again. \u201cJust like we used to be,\u201d she trilled Thursday night as she brushed her hair.<\/p>\n

\u201cNot just like we used to be,\u201d said Ben. \u201cThey\u2019re grown men. They\u2019re nothing like the little boys you remember.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNonsense,\u201d she said. \u201cIt will be wonderful.\u201d She set down her brush, planted a kiss on Ben\u2019s lips, and climbed into bed, promptly falling asleep.<\/p>\n

Hours later, Ben still lay awake, his mind a fierce jumble. The last thing he wanted was for her to leave. Perhaps he was selling his sons short. If he could adjust to having Marie back, why couldn\u2019t they? They\u2019d probably be so glad she\u2019d returned that the fact of her death would vanish from their memories like a tumbleweed. And what if they found out she\u2019d been here and he hadn\u2019t allowed them to see her? Would they ever forgive him for depriving them of this chance to know her? Granted, the pain of losing her had been unbearable, but they were children then. Surely that would make a difference.<\/p>\n

All the questions and arguments made sense. The only vote against it was his gut telling him it would never work. The boys would never believe it was her. They would think it was a cruel joke, and they would never forgive him. No matter what Ben or Marie said, none of the boys\u2014especially Joe\u2014would ever accept the notion that Marie came back from the dead.<\/p>\n

Eventually, dawn began to lighten the room. Ben was no closer to an answer than when he\u2019d gone to bed. Beside him, Marie slept, a smile on her face.<\/p>\n

******<\/p>\n

He got up and went for a long solitary ride. His sons were about to have their world upended. The only way to avoid it was to send his beloved wife away forever. He wished he were coward enough to ride out to a bluff and throw himself off. Marie could return to the beyond, and they could be together for eternity, and while the boys would grieve, they would never know the truth.<\/p>\n

Finally, he rode back into the yard. No sign yet of his sons and the drovers. But they would come.<\/p>\n

Maybe he was underestimating them. Maybe their sons could handle such an unexpected event as their mother\u2019s return from the dead. Maybe he should give them a chance.<\/p>\n

When Ben walked into the house, Marie was sitting at the table. She had set a place for him, but none for herself. Her eyes were dark and unreadable.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhere were you?\u201d Her voice was dull.<\/p>\n

\u201cI went for a ride.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI wish you\u2019d invited me.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2014I needed to think.\u201d<\/p>\n

She laughed humorlessly. \u201cYou needed to get away from me.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cMarie\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019re not the same man you were, Ben. I\u2019ve seen it over these few days. You\u2019ve become more independent. You like being on your own. It suits you.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI had to get used to being alone,\u201d he said. \u201cI didn\u2019t have a choice.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOf course you did,\u201d she said. \u201cYou\u2019re wealthy and handsome. You could easily have found yourself another wife. But you didn\u2019t.\u201d<\/p>\n

It was true. After her death, after the initial period of searing grief, when the pain leveled off, something shifted. He no longer felt that having a woman in the house was a prerequisite for calling it a home, for calling their little clan a family. He still enjoyed the company of women, and he certainly hadn\u2019t ruled out the notion of marrying again someday, but he no longer felt incomplete without a wife. If he fell in love, with Susannah or someone else, that would be wonderful, but if he didn\u2019t, he could still be content with his ranch and his sons\u2014and someday, their wives and children.<\/p>\n

\u201cI love you,\u201d he said, feeling helpless. \u201cThat\u2019s never changed.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI know,\u201d she said. \u201cBut it\u2019s a life you want. A full, complete life. You can\u2019t have that with a dead woman. Any more than I can have it as<\/em> a dead woman.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWe could work something out\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n

She held up her hand. \u201cWhat about the boys?\u201d He had no answer. \u201cI wanted to pick up right where we left off, but I was foolish to think it was possible. You all passed that point long, long ago.\u201d He nodded, his throat too tight to allow words to pass. \u201cThey\u2019ve already mourned me once. They shouldn\u2019t have to do it again.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t understand. Yesterday you were determined to see them. What changed?\u201d<\/p>\n

Her eyes were unfathomably sad. \u201cYou had a daguerreotype made. Of the four of you.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou saw that before.\u201d In fact, she\u2019d exclaimed over it on her second night back, marveling at how their sons had grown into such handsome men.<\/p>\n

She nodded her acquiescence. \u201cBut this morning, when I looked at them, I realized\u2014I\u2019m nothing to them now. They\u2019ve gone on with their lives.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s not true\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n

She rose and pressed her finger to his lips. \u201cI\u2019m a part of their past. A cherished part. But I\u2019m nothing to their present\u2014or their future. What good can it possibly do them to have a ghost for a mother?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWe could make up a story. We\u2019ll say you\u2019re Marie\u2019s cousin.\u201d Something. Anything.<\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t want to be a story,\u201d Marie said. \u201cI want to be myself. I want to be real.\u201d Tears brimmed in her eyes. \u201cAnd I cannot be real. Not here. You all can grow and age, go places, have adventures\u2014even fall in love\u2014but all I can ever be is exactly what you see before you. When Little Joe is a grandfather, I will be just what I am right now.\u201d She stood on tiptoe and kissed him tenderly. \u201cI love you, mon cheri<\/em>. I love you all. That is why you must let me go.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWe love you, all of us. We always have. We always will.\u201d His voice broke.<\/p>\n

From outside came the sound of horses. Men called to one another. He heard the familiar, cherished voices of his sons. \u201cThey\u2019re here,\u201d he whispered. He wrapped her in his arms for a final time, kissing her with all the love he could express.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou must say it,\u201d she whispered against his mouth. \u201cI cannot leave unless you do.\u201d<\/p>\n

He felt his heart break as he whispered the word: \u201cBegone.\u201d<\/p>\n

And she was.<\/p>\n

Behind him, the door opened. \u201cHey, Pa!\u201d Joe called as his sons entered, full of trail dust and laughter and life.<\/p>\n

Ben dashed the tears from his eyes. \u201cYou boys are back early. How\u2019d everything go?\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam peered at him. \u201cYou all right?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOh, sure. I just\u2014\u201d He couldn\u2019t come up with a good lie.<\/p>\n

\u201cI know the feeling,\u201d said Hoss. \u201cDadburned ragweed!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI was out this morning. Must have hit a nasty patch.\u201d Ben cleared his throat and mustered up a sneeze.<\/p>\n

But Joe was looking at him oddly, sympathetically. \u201cCome on, brothers, let\u2019s clean up!\u201d he said in a voice that was almost too jolly. He clapped his father on the shoulder as they passed him on the way to the bathhouse. As Ben turned, he noticed for the first time the framed locket from Joe\u2019s room lying on the pine table. The locket that had belonged to Marie.<\/p>\n

He picked it up and took it back to Joe\u2019s room. For a moment, he held it against his cheek. Then, he set the framed locket on the night stand.<\/p>\n

\u201cGoodbye, my love,\u201d he whispered, just in case she could hear.<\/p>\n

END<\/h5>\n

 <\/p>\n

Tags:\u00a0 Ben Cartwright,\u00a0death,\u00a0Family,\u00a0love,\u00a0Marie Cartwright<\/p>\n

<\/div>\n

<\/g><\/svg><\/i> \"Loading\"<\/p>\n

<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Synopsis: Be careful what you wish for. A What Happened Later for Marie, My Love.<\/p>\n

Rating: PG-13 (mild sexual content)<\/p>\n

Word count: 5,275<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":142,"featured_media":15250,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"template-full-width-post.php","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1004,23,3,29,13],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-35830","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-ben-cartwright","category-drama","category-romance","category-halloween","category-whn","wpcat-1004-id","wpcat-23-id","wpcat-3-id","wpcat-29-id","wpcat-13-id"],"a3_pvc":{"activated":true,"total_views":1643,"today_views":0},"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/05\/Marie-2.jpg?fit=768%2C576&ssl=1","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":45887,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=45887","url_meta":{"origin":35830,"position":0},"title":"I Saw Her Again (by Annie K Cowgirl)","author":"Annie K Cowgirl","date":"May 6, 2023","format":false,"excerpt":"Summary: Of love, loss, and hope for the future. 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