Adam and Joe fall in love with the same woman, and Ben has a secret that may well tear the Cartwrights apart.<\/p>\n
Rated: T \u00a0WC \u00a030,200<\/span><\/p>\n Without Sin<\/strong><\/p>\n 1<\/p>\n Sophie Hannard had never met Adam Cartwright, yet the instant she saw him, she knew him.\u00a0 He had his father\u2019s stature and inscrutability, and the same assurance of a man confident in his own abilities and status. In fact, if he hadn\u2019t been pointed out to her that morning in the bank in Virginia City, she would have picked him out herself with no hesitation.<\/p>\n As it was, the bank manager leaned close and gestured discreetly with his head.\u00a0 \u201cYou were asking after Ben Cartwright, ma\u2019am.\u00a0 There\u2019s Adam Cartwright, Ben\u2019s oldest boy.\u201d<\/p>\n Adam Cartwright\u2019s indolent gaze sized her up unapologetically as the bank manager introduced them.<\/p>\n \u201cAdam, this is Mrs. Sophie Hannard.\u00a0 Just arrived in town yesterday and knows your father.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cReally?\u201d\u00a0 Curiosity sparked in the deep brown depths of Adam Cartwright\u2019s eyes.\u00a0 His mouth lifted in the hint of a smile as he held out a sun-weathered hand.\u00a0 \u201cWhere are you from, Mrs. Hannard?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNew Orleans.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAnd you know my father?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYes.\u00a0 I knew Marie del Vyre too.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cMarie?\u201d He raised an eyebrow.\u00a0 \u201cJoe\u2019s mother?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWe grew up together.\u00a0 In the convent.\u00a0 She wrote to me after she left New Orleans.\u00a0 Told me all about her new family.\u00a0 And about the baby. \u00a0Joseph.\u00a0 Little Joe she called him.\u201d<\/p>\n The smile dimpling the corners of his mouth deepened unmistakably then.\u00a0 \u201cYes, that\u2019s right.\u00a0 We still call him that.\u00a0 Only he\u2019s not so little now.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo.\u00a0 I imagine not.\u00a0 That was a long time ago.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou said your name was Sophie?\u00a0 I remember Marie talking about you.\u00a0 Many times.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou remember?\u00a0 You would have been only a child!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI was eleven when my father married Marie, fifteen when she died.\u00a0 I remember her very well.\u201d\u00a0 Adam nodded his head at the bank till.\u00a0 \u201cMrs. Hannard, would you be so good as to wait for a few minutes while I settle the business I have here, and then maybe you would allow me to buy you coffee, and we can talk?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI would be delighted, Mr. Cartwright.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cPlease, call me Adam.\u201d<\/p>\n Adam.\u00a0 Sophie rolled the name around in her head as she watched him talking to the cashier.\u00a0 The name suited him.\u00a0 Strong and precise.\u00a0 With approval, she ran her eyes over his broad back and shoulders.\u00a0 Adam Cartwright liked the world to think he was a well-guarded man.\u00a0 Did he realize how like his father he really was?<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m here with my travelling companion,\u201d she told him as they made their way back to the hotel.\u00a0 \u201cAmelia Burnett.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhat brings you both so far out west?\u201d \u00a0His interest was more than polite curiosity.<\/p>\n \u201cAn urge to travel.\u00a0 See new places.\u00a0 My late husband was a wealthy man, so I\u2019m fortunate enough to be able to indulge my whims.\u201d<\/p>\n He gave her a sideways glance.\u00a0 \u201cBut why out here?\u00a0 I can think of plenty of places to visit, but here…\u201d\u00a0 He left the sentence hanging.\u00a0 They had reached the steps of the hotel.<\/p>\n She stopped to look at him more closely. \u201cYou\u2019re not enamored of your home country?\u201d<\/p>\n His eyes crinkled.\u00a0 \u201cAs you say, it\u2019s my home.\u00a0 But if I had the choice, yes, I might be living somewhere else.\u201d\u00a0 He took her arm and they climbed the steps to the door.<\/p>\n \u201cDo you not have a choice?\u201d<\/p>\n He gave her another measuring look from those dark, intelligent eyes.\u00a0 \u201cMy family is here.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou\u2019re close to your family then?\u201d<\/p>\n The guarded look came back down over his face, but he answered pleasantly enough.\u00a0 \u201cIt\u2019s a tough country, Mrs. Hannard.\u00a0 We look out for each other.\u201d<\/p>\n She stopped in the hotel lobby and put a hand on his arm.\u00a0 \u201cAdam, would you mind very much if I fetched Amelia to join us.\u00a0 She\u2019s upstairs in her room.\u00a0 I know she\u2019d love to meet you too.\u201d<\/p>\n He smiled with true gallantry.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019ll order the coffee.\u201d<\/p>\n *******<\/p>\n Adam was already seated, and the waiter was setting coffee on the table as the two women arrived downstairs.\u00a0 He rose to his feet.\u00a0 Sophie saw his eyes rove over Amelia with the same curious appreciation he\u2019d bestowed earlier upon her.<\/p>\n \u201cAdam Cartwright, Miss Amelia Burnett.\u201d<\/p>\n Amelia had a very forthright stare.\u00a0 Sophie had seen men buckle nervously beneath it, but not Adam Cartwright.\u00a0 He looked mildly amused.<\/p>\n \u201cSo Miss Burnett,\u201d said Adam as they took their seats, \u201care you from New Orleans too?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAmongst other places.\u201d<\/p>\n Sophie noticed that slight lift of his eyebrow again.\u00a0 The man\u2019s face didn\u2019t give much away.<\/p>\n \u201cAnd what do you make of the west?\u201d<\/p>\n Amelia gave a careful nod.\u00a0 \u201cIt\u2019s interesting.\u00a0 Quite unlike anything we\u2019re used to.\u00a0 There\u2019s a savagery about it that draws us both.\u201d<\/p>\n No mistaking the eyebrow this time.\u00a0 It went up half an inch.\u00a0 \u201cIt\u2019s a wild place, all right.\u00a0 Whether or not that\u2019s appealing is debatable.\u201d<\/p>\n Amelia\u2019s eyes travelled over Adam, taking in his well-made clothes and his general air of assurance and respectability.\u00a0 Then they fixed themselves firmly on his face. \u201cYou seem to have done well enough by it.\u201d<\/p>\n It was a challenge.\u00a0 Amelia always conversed in challenges.\u00a0 A lesser man would have backed off already, thought Sophie.\u00a0 But Adam Cartwright simply smiled again, as if he found the provocation entertaining.<\/p>\n \u201cThat\u2019s true.\u201d\u00a0 He acknowledged her observation with a nod.\u00a0 \u201cI guess you could say it\u2019s made me what I am.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAnd what is that, Mr. Cartwright?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAdam, please,\u201d he said, with no hint of offence.\u00a0 \u201cWell, Miss Burnett, when I first came out here with my father, I was only a small boy, and this was all little more than a wilderness.\u00a0 Everything we now have we built and worked for with our own hands.\u00a0 So I guess you could say that makes us a part of this land.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cDid your father ever marry again?\u201d Sophie asked, diverting Adam away from Amelia.\u00a0 \u201cAfter Marie died?\u201d<\/p>\n He shook his head.<\/p>\n \u201cHard for him to lose three wives,\u201d she said.<\/p>\n He acknowledged that with a tightening of his dark jaw.\u00a0 \u201cTell me how you knew Marie.\u201d<\/p>\n Sophie set down her coffee cup, her face softening. \u00a0\u201cWe were like sisters.\u00a0 Both orphans.\u00a0 Both French.\u00a0 We were friends from the start.\u00a0 Those poor devoted sisters at the convent, we drove them to distraction!\u00a0 We were such strong-willed girls; always in trouble.\u00a0 Did Marie ever tell you about the tree we would climb to escape over the wall?\u201d<\/p>\n Adam shook his head.\u00a0 \u201cNo, but I\u2019d love to hear.\u201d<\/p>\n So Sophie told him about the tree, and about some of the other daredevil escapades that had landed two willful girls in endless trouble with the long-suffering nuns.\u00a0\u00a0 He finally seemed to relax as she related the stories, even smiled several times.\u00a0 When she stopped speaking, he set down his coffee cup and raised his eyes with a look of unexpected intensity that was both disturbing and exciting.<\/p>\n \u201cYou should come out to the Ponderosa.\u00a0 Have dinner with us.\u00a0 I\u2019m sure my father would be delighted to see you again.\u201d<\/p>\n Sophie\u2019s heart did a little jump.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019d like that very much.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThat\u2019s settled then.\u201d\u00a0 His gaze flicked between the two of them.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019ll finish up my chores here in town, and then we\u2019ll hire a buggy and I\u2019ll drive you out to the Ponderosa.\u201d<\/p>\n 2<\/strong><\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019s hard to believe one man could own so much,\u201d Sophie said, as they sat by the river, beneath the shade of the trees.\u00a0 In spite of Marie\u2019s descriptions, she had not been prepared for the sheer scale of the Ponderosa as they drove past mile upon endless mile of meadows and rocks, mountains and pine forest, rivers and lakes.<\/p>\n She had Adam to herself.\u00a0 Amelia was down at the water\u2019s edge, tossing stones into the shallows.\u00a0 \u201cBut then, Ben Cartwright always was remarkable.\u201d<\/p>\n Adam watched her with lazy interest, leaning back on one casual elbow.\u00a0 He looked as at ease with himself here on the riverbank as he\u2019d looked in the bank in Virginia City.\u00a0 Sophie might almost have described him as arrogant, except that his self-assurance was completely natural.\u00a0 Aloof, maybe, but not arrogant.<\/p>\n \u201cPa is<\/em> a remarkable man,\u201d he agreed.<\/p>\n \u201cI imagine his sons take after him in that respect.\u201d<\/p>\n He chuckled.\u00a0 She had not heard him laugh before.\u00a0 It was a deep rich sound that made her skin tingle.\u00a0 \u201cI would hardly call myself remarkable.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI wouldn\u2019t be so sure.\u201d<\/p>\n He gave her a different look then, sharp and appraising, but once again, she got the distinct impression he approved.<\/p>\n \u201cWe should be heading back to the house,\u201d he said, climbing easily to his feet.\u00a0 \u201cWe\u2019ve some way to go, and time\u2019s moving on.\u201d\u00a0 He held out his hand.\u00a0 His long, brown fingers closed around hers, and when he had raised her to her feet, she noticed he didn\u2019t hurry to release them.<\/p>\n The ranch house was a surprise, not at all as grand as she had imagined it would be.\u00a0 Ben was supposedly one of the richest men in the territory, yet to her eyes, the Ponderosa looked like an overgrown barn.\u00a0 Still, she was fascinated to see how Adam\u2019s face softened as they drove closer and he pointed out the details to them; the barn, the corral, the bunkhouse, the vegetable garden.<\/p>\n There was nobody at the house when they drew up, other than a Chinese cook, who bowed and favored them with a charming smile. Adam showed them to a guest room so that they could tidy up and wash away the dust of the drive.\u00a0 After that, he poured drinks, and Sophie and Amelia told him about their travels in the east.<\/p>\n And then, Ben Cartwright strode in.<\/p>\n Sophie was sitting in a leather armchair, next to the enormous hearth.\u00a0 Adam had already lit the fire as the afternoon was turning swiftly into evening and the heat of the day was evaporating.\u00a0 The smell of dinner drifted pleasantly from the kitchen, and Sophie was beginning to get a sense of what Adam enjoyed about this barn of a house.\u00a0 The furniture was an odd mix of faded elegance and solid masculinity.\u00a0 She wondered how different it might have looked if Marie had still been alive.<\/p>\n \u201cSophie Leclerq!\u201d<\/p>\n Ben had frozen just inside the doorway.\u00a0 Two younger men stood at his shoulder, their expressions quizzical.\u00a0 For a long moment Sophie and Ben stared at each other and there was no escaping the frostiness in Ben\u2019s face.\u00a0 It was as if he had come in from the snow and brought a freezing draught with him.\u00a0 He looked almost exactly as she remembered him.\u00a0 His hair was silver now, but his face was the same.\u00a0 Broad, sternly sculpted features dominated by unnervingly dark eyes.<\/p>\n \u201cHello, Ben.\u00a0 It\u2019s been long time.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhat are you doing here?\u201d<\/p>\n Sophie gave a gracious smile.\u00a0 \u201cI decided I wanted to travel. After my husband died.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou were married?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYes, to a wonderful man named Charles Hannard.\u00a0 We were extremely happy together.\u00a0 But Charles died last year.\u00a0 So I thought I\u2019d look up some old acquaintances.\u00a0\u00a0 Mend a few broken bridges.\u201d\u00a0 Sophie wondered if she detected a slight thaw in Ben\u2019s demeanor at the revelation about her husband.\u00a0 \u201cTwenty years is a long time, Ben.\u00a0 A lot of water has passed under those broken bridges.\u201d<\/p>\n He continued to stare at her as if he was trying to read her thoughts, his expression unrelenting. \u00a0He nodded, but his eyes remained stony.\u00a0 \u201cTwenty years is<\/em> a long time.\u00a0 Forgive me. You took me by surprise.\u201d<\/p>\n The coolness was still there, but he was making an effort.\u00a0 Adam stepped forward to make the introductions, and finally she had the opportunity to examine the two Cartwright men she had not yet met.<\/p>\n Hoss and Little Joe.\u00a0 Two brothers more dissimilar in appearance it was hard to imagine.\u00a0 Hoss was huge, a carthorse of a man, with wide, pale blue eyes, a round face, and an engaging smile that, in spite of his vast bulk, gave him all the innocent charm of a six-year-old.<\/p>\n Charming as he was, Sophie\u2019s eyes did not linger on the biggest Cartwright because they were drawn by her inexorable curiosity to the youngest.\u00a0 Marie\u2019s son.\u00a0 Unexpectedly, her heart leapt as she met the hazel-green gaze of her long dead friend.<\/p>\n Adam\u2019s voice said, \u201cSophie was friends with your mother, Joe.\u201d<\/p>\n She had not rehearsed this.\u00a0 She had prepared herself to come face to face with Ben Cartwright, but she had not reckoned with the impact of meeting Marie\u2019s son in the flesh.\u00a0 The boy would be about seventeen or eighteen now.\u00a0 Marie had been only a year or two older when she left with Ben. When Adam spoke those words, the boy\u2019s eyes suddenly burned with a fierce light Sophie remembered all too well.<\/p>\n \u201cYou knew my mother?\u201d<\/p>\n She nodded, for once at a loss for words.\u00a0 The boy\u2019s expression, his youthfulness, the energy projecting from his slender frame, pierced her heart with the intensity of a lost love.<\/p>\n \u201cYou\u2019re very like her, Little Joe,\u201d she managed finally.<\/p>\n \u201cReally?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYour father must tell you that.\u201d<\/p>\n He nodded and smiled and the ached tugged again in her heart.\u00a0 \u201cYes, he does.\u00a0 But I\u2019d love to hear what you remember about her.\u201d<\/p>\n She had regained her control by then.\u00a0 She smiled back.\u00a0 \u201cSo much! \u00a0Marie was my best friend all through my childhood years.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHoss, Joseph, go and get cleaned up.\u201d\u00a0 Ben\u2019s voice was still edged with a ring of frost.\u00a0 \u201cIf you\u2019ll excuse us, ladies, we\u2019ll make ourselves a little more respectable.\u00a0 I\u2019m sure Adam will look after you.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m sorry,\u201d Sophie said to Adam when Ben had gone up the stairs.\u00a0 \u201cI should have warned you that your father might not be so pleased to see me.\u201d<\/p>\n Adam didn\u2019t look perturbed; more intrigued.\u00a0 \u201cAs you say, twenty years is a long time.\u201d\u00a0 He favored Sophie with his shadow of a smile. \u201cMy father is a forgiving man. \u00a0He\u2019s not one to hold a grudge.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cLet\u2019s hope not,\u201d she said.<\/p>\n 3<\/strong><\/p>\n \u201cHow long were you and Charles married?\u201d<\/p>\n Ben had been edgy throughout the entire meal.\u00a0 He\u2019d barely eaten anything on his plate. \u00a0Every time Sophie began to recount a tale about Marie, Ben would steer the conversation onto other topics.\u00a0 Nor was he at ease with Little Joe\u2019s endless questions\u00a0 to Sophie about his mother, and the poor boy began to grow increasingly irate with his father\u2019s abrupt interruptions whenever he opened his mouth to speak.<\/p>\n \u201cFour years.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben looked disappointed to hear it had been so short a time.<\/p>\n \u201cAlthough I knew him for many years before that,\u201d Sophie added, with a pleasant smile.<\/p>\n Adam poured more wine into her glass.\u00a0 Sophie hadn\u2019t neglected to notice how often Adam\u2019s eyes wandered in her direction, and lingered there. \u00a0Amelia had noticed too.\u00a0 There were traces of a smile at the corners of her mouth.<\/p>\n Ben cleared his throat uncomfortably.\u00a0 \u201cReally?\u201d He set down his knife and fork on his barely touched plate and nodded at Joe.\u00a0 \u201cJoseph, tell Hop Sing we\u2019re about ready for dessert.\u201d<\/p>\n Little Joe looked down at his half eaten meal in some surprise.\u00a0 \u201cI haven\u2019t finished yet!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThat\u2019s because you\u2019re talking too much, boy.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe looked round at the other plates on the table.\u00a0 There was still food on all of them.\u00a0 He opened his mouth to make another protest, but his father cut him short again.\u00a0 \u201cJust go and speak to Hop Sing, will you, Joe?\u201d<\/p>\n Joe grumbled a resentful \u201cyessir\u201d, and went to do as he was bid.<\/p>\n As if there had been no interruption, Sophie went on, \u201cWe weren\u2019t able to marry until his first wife died.\u201d<\/p>\n An awkward silence descended on the table, as though someone had doused the conversation with a bucketful of cold water.\u00a0 Hoss suddenly became intensely preoccupied with his food, Ben cleared his throat and frowned hard at the tablecloth, and Adam buried most of his face in his napkin.<\/p>\n \u201c\u2018Whoever thinks a faultless piece to see, Thinks what n’er was, nor is, nor e’er shall be<\/em>\u2019,\u201d said Amelia into the strained silence, and Sophie all but snorted into her wine.\u00a0 Trust Amelia to stir up an already dangerous situation.<\/p>\n Adam lowered the napkin and lifted a quizzical eyebrow.\u00a0 \u201cYou\u2019re familiar with Alexander Pope?\u201d<\/p>\n Ben seemed relieved to find a reprieve, even in poetry.\u00a0 Hoss looked blank.\u00a0 Joe returned to the table with an irritable scowl on his face.<\/p>\n Amelia turned a guileless face towards Adam.\u00a0 \u201cSophie and I make a habit of studying poetry during our travels.\u00a0 We have been reading Pope, but I\u2019m not sure we care for him that much.\u201d<\/p>\n Adam looked amused.\u00a0 \u201cWhich poets do you care for?\u201d<\/p>\n Amelia fixed him with her sharp gaze.\u00a0 \u201cWe\u2019ve enjoyed reading Coleridge.\u201d\u00a0 She set down her wine glass.<\/p>\n \u201c\u2018In Xanadu did Kubla Khan<\/em> Hoss paused with his fork halfway to his mouth.\u00a0 Amelia was nothing if not dramatic when she recited poetry.\u00a0 Adam laughed aloud and the scowl lifted from Little Joe\u2019s face.<\/p>\n \u201cYou must recite some more,\u201d said Adam, impressed.<\/p>\n Amelia nodded.\u00a0 \u201cCall by next time you\u2019re in town, Adam. \u00a0I\u2019ll read Christabel<\/em> to you.\u201d<\/p>\n Adam glanced at Sophie and she saw the unmistakable promise in his eyes.\u00a0 \u201cI may just do that.<\/p>\n Sophie lifted her drink and paused as the delicate crystal glinted in the lamplight. \u201cAre these the wine glasses Marie chose, Ben?\u201d<\/p>\n He looked up, half startled.\u00a0 \u201cEr… yes.\u00a0 As a matter of fact, they are.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cShe wrote about them, in one of her letters.\u00a0 Said they came in a crate, all the way from Boston.\u00a0 She was very proud of them.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben stared at her, as if uncertain how to reply.\u00a0 Little Joe responded instead.\u00a0 \u201cDid my mother write you many letters, Sophie?\u201d<\/p>\n Sophie nodded.\u00a0 \u201cShe did.\u00a0 And I kept them all.\u00a0 She wrote me such a lovely one, when you were born, and put a little curl from your head inside.\u00a0 So sweet! You\u2019ve kept the curls, I see.\u201d<\/p>\n His cheeks flushed. \u201cWould you… would you let me see one?\u201d \u00a0His eyes were burning with fierce longing.<\/p>\n \u201cOf course.\u00a0 I never knew my mother either, Little Joe.\u00a0 I know how it feels.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben shifted uncomfortably in his seat.\u00a0 \u201cWhere\u2019s Hop Sing with that dessert?\u00a0 These ladies still have to get back to town tonight, and it\u2019s getting late.\u201d<\/p>\n Adam looked up.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019ll see them safely back.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019ll come with you,\u201d volunteered Joe.<\/p>\n Ben glared at his youngest son. \u201cYou\u2019re not going anywhere, Joseph.\u00a0 Adam and I will escort the ladies back to town.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe opened his mouth to protest but was once again cut short by a stony glare from his father.\u00a0 Sophie pretended not to notice, but as she and Amelia took their leave a short while later, she held out her hand to him and he took it.\u00a0 Disappointment and dejection had dulled the brightness of his eyes.<\/p>\n \u201cWe\u2019ll be staying a while,\u201d she told him.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019ll make sure you get to see one of your mother\u2019s letters, at least.\u201d<\/p>\n 4<\/strong><\/p>\n Hoss was at the pump in the yard when Adam led his horse, saddled, from the barn. \u201cWhere you off to, older brother?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cCouple of things I need to see to in town.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI thought you went in yesterday.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI did. Need to follow something through, that\u2019s all.\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss gave a knowing smile.\u00a0 \u201cYeah?\u00a0 What would that be then?\u00a0 Wouldn\u2019t possibly have chestnut hair and big soft eyes, now, would it?\u201d<\/p>\n Adam fixed him with a withering look.\u00a0 Hoss gave a chuckle.\u00a0 \u201cYeah, thought it might.\u00a0 You want me to tell Pa you\u2019ll be late back?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019ll be home in time for dinner.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI get the feeling Pa might not be too happy to hear you\u2019re planning on visiting Mrs. Hannard.\u00a0 Seemed like he was none too happy to see her last night.\u201d<\/p>\n Adam hesitated in the process of raising a foot to his stirrup and turned back to Hoss.\u00a0 \u201cYes.\u00a0 Intriguing, wasn\u2019t it?\u00a0 And he made it clear he wasn\u2019t prepared to talk about it either.\u00a0 Wonder what went on between them twenty years ago.\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss pulled a face.\u00a0 \u201cWe\u2019re talking about Pa, Adam!\u00a0 Anyways, it\u2019s Little Joe I feel sorry for.\u00a0 He was so danged desperate to hear some stories about his mama, and Pa hardly let that woman get out a whole sentence all evening.\u00a0 And now he\u2019s dragged poor Joe all the way over to old man Collins\u2019 place to look over a lumber contract.\u00a0 Like Joe knows anything about lumber contracts!\u00a0 He just wanted to make sure he didn\u2019t go hightailing it into town after that Sophie Hannard.\u00a0 Like you\u2019re about to do, brother.\u201d<\/p>\n Adam gave him a considering look.\u00a0 \u201cYeah, you\u2019re right.\u00a0 But maybe I can do something to help mend the fences between Pa and Sophie.\u00a0 Whatever happened, it can\u2019t be irreconcilable, can it?\u201d<\/p>\n He saw the look Hoss gave him then and his forehead dinted.\u00a0 Neither of them had yet voiced their suspicions, even to each other, but it wasn\u2019t difficult to know what the other was thinking.<\/p>\n *******<\/p>\n Sophie opened the door of the hotel room to him.<\/p>\n \u201cAdam!\u00a0 I\u2019m so glad you called by.\u00a0 Amelia and I have been having such interesting discussions, and now I can run our ideas past you.\u00a0 Come on in.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019ve brought an offering.\u201d\u00a0 He held up a book of poems.<\/p>\n \u201cShelley!\u201d\u00a0 Amelia jumped forward and snatched the book from his hand in her eagerness.\u00a0 \u201cSophie, may I?\u201d<\/p>\n Sophie laughed.\u00a0 \u201cOf course you may.\u201d<\/p>\n Amelia nodded at Adam, her dark eyes blazing.\u00a0 \u201cThank you,\u201d she said, darting away to the door that connected her room to Sophie\u2019s.<\/p>\n Sophie smiled at Adam.\u00a0 \u201cThat was thoughtful of you.\u00a0 Amelia devours poetry!\u201d<\/p>\n \u2018Devours\u2019 was the right word, thought Adam.\u00a0 Amelia\u2019s fervency was unnerving.\u00a0 His face obviously betrayed his thoughts because Sophie said, \u201cYou must forgive Amelia.\u00a0 If you knew her story, you\u2019d understand.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019d be interested to hear.\u201d<\/p>\n She cocked her head at him.\u00a0 \u201cWould you?\u00a0 I\u2019ll tell you sometime.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhy not now?\u201d<\/p>\n She looked at him sharply, then she nodded.\u00a0 \u201cAll right.\u00a0 If you wish.\u00a0 Take a seat.\u201d<\/p>\n He drew out a chair from the table and she sat on the chaise where the sunlight glinted off her elegantly arranged chestnut coils and softened the edges of her pale curved neck.<\/p>\n \u201cAmelia\u2019s mother died before she was a year old.\u00a0 She and her sister grew up as orphans, close to the docks, looked after by women who had been her mother\u2019s friends.\u00a0 They were all very poor.\u00a0 Life was hard for them.\u00a0 They had to make a living the only way they knew how.\u201d\u00a0 \u00a0She paused, weighing him up with her sharp brown gaze.\u00a0 \u201cPeople have frowned on Amelia for the life she was forced to live.\u201d<\/p>\n Adam glanced again at the door that separated Amelia\u2019s room.\u00a0 \u201cI despise poverty, not the unfortunate souls who find themselves in its clutches.\u201d<\/p>\n Sophie looked relieved, even impressed.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m glad to hear you say so.\u00a0 You see, I was an orphan too. \u00a0I know some of the sufferings.\u201d<\/p>\n Her words were interrupted by a knock at the door.<\/p>\n \u201cI took the liberty of ordering some tea,\u201d Adam told her.<\/p>\n Sophie poured tea for them both, and then she took up the story again.<\/p>\n \u201cI met Amelia just over a year ago.\u00a0 I was in Boston with my husband.\u00a0 Charles\u2019s business took him to the docks, and our visit happened to coincide with an unpleasant incident.<\/p>\n \u201cWe were staying at a hotel near the dockside when a rumpus occurred one morning.\u00a0 Two bodies were pulled from the water.\u00a0 Young women.\u00a0 Sisters.\u201d<\/p>\n Frowning, Adam took the cup and saucer she held out to him.\u00a0 \u201cAmelia?\u201d<\/p>\n Sophie nodded and he saw anger had ignited in her eyes.\u00a0 \u201cMauled and beaten by a mob of drunken sailors, and thrown over the edge of the dock to die.\u201d\u00a0 She gave a small, tight shrug.\u00a0 \u201cHer sister was already dead.\u00a0 But there was a spark of life left in Amelia.\u201d<\/p>\n Adam took a sip of his tea, watching Sophie\u2019s face closely.\u00a0 She had in her, he realized, the same intensity Amelia exhibited, but in Sophie it was refined, controlled.\u00a0 Maybe it was another reason the two women got on so well together.<\/p>\n \u201cDo you know what made me so angry?\u201d\u00a0 Sophie\u2019s voice had hardened and she glared hard into her tea cup as if the vision that had so fired her was to be found there.\u00a0 \u201cIt was that everybody there would have preferred that she had been dead.\u00a0 It would have been so much more convenient for them.\u00a0 The policeman who found her even said that it would be better to let her die.\u00a0 As if she was worth nothing.\u00a0 Fortunately, Charles saw things differently and called for a doctor.\u00a0 And you can see for yourself, given a chance, Amelia is a remarkably intelligent girl.\u00a0 In two years, she\u2019s learned to read and write, in French and English, and there aren\u2019t books enough to satisfy her appetite.\u201d<\/p>\n Adam set down his tea cup. \u201cShe must be very grateful to you for all you\u2019ve done for her.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019s not a one-sided relationship, by any means.\u00a0 In return, I\u2019ve had companionship, particularly since Charles died.\u00a0 And she\u2019s helped me to discover my own self-worth too.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWas that something you doubted before?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou\u2019ve grown up in a family that loved you.\u00a0 It\u2019s difficult for you to imagine what it must be to grow up alone.\u00a0 It is why Marie and I were so close.\u00a0 Neither of us had anyone else.\u00a0 And I\u2019m not going to lie to you, Adam, there are people who frown on my past too.\u00a0 But I did what I had to do to survive, before I met my dear Charles.\u00a0 He helped me to lift my head high.\u00a0 Meeting Amelia has given me the chance to repay some of the great compassion and kindness Charles showed to me.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYour husband sounds like a true gentleman.\u201d<\/p>\n She nodded, then shook her head. \u201cI\u2019m sorry, Adam.\u00a0 You didn\u2019t call by to hear me sermonizing.\u201d<\/p>\n He laughed.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019d hardly call it that.\u00a0 In fact, I enjoy hearing your tales.\u00a0 They fascinate me.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou really are as charming as your father ever was.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m afraid my father wasn\u2019t quite so charming last night.\u00a0 Whatever differences exist between you, he obviously still feels them keenly.\u201d<\/p>\n Sophie gave him a sharp look.\u00a0 \u201cHas he ever spoken of me?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo.\u00a0 I remember Marie talking about you, but never my father.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou must wonder what happened to leave such a bad taste between us.\u201d<\/p>\n He nodded.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019d be lying if I said I didn\u2019t.\u201d<\/p>\n She looked at him then for a long moment without saying anything.\u00a0 As undeniably curious as he was to know what had transpired all those years ago, at that particular moment he wouldn\u2019t have minded if she never answered, as long as she continued to sit the way she was sitting, gazing at him intently out of those molten brown eyes.\u00a0 The light from the window made her hair gleam like polished walnut.\u00a0 She had a smooth milky white neck that drew his eyes down to the amber pendant dangling tantalizingly in the deep shadow between her breasts.\u00a0\u00a0 She must have felt how his eyes were transfixed and yet she didn\u2019t flinch or look uncomfortable.\u00a0 In fact, he got the distinct impression that she was scrutinizing him just as attentively, and finding it just such a pleasurable experience.<\/p>\n \u201cI have to respect your father\u2019s privacy.\u00a0 I hope you understand that.\u201d<\/p>\n He nodded.\u00a0 \u201cOf course.\u00a0 It\u2019s between the two of you.\u00a0 But I would like to see you reconciled before you have to leave Virginia City.\u00a0 You\u2019ve come a long way to patch things up.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHowever things transpire between us, it won\u2019t have been a wasted trip.\u201d\u00a0 A smile lifted the corners of Sophie\u2019s eyes.\u00a0 \u201cBesides, Amelia and I have other plans now.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou mentioned that when I arrived.\u00a0 You said you might run your ideas past me. \u00a0I\u2019d be intrigued to hear them.\u201d<\/p>\n He was staring at her so closely, it was as if he saw the little flame of excitement kindle behind her eyes.\u00a0 She rose from her seat and went to the window.\u00a0 She sounded almost nervous.<\/p>\n \u201cEver since Charles died, I\u2019ve been wondering what I should do with myself.\u00a0 You see, Charles traveled a great deal, and I traveled with him, so it\u2019s not as if there\u2019s one place I feel drawn to.\u00a0 Even before Charles, there was nowhere I really wanted to call home.\u00a0 I was brought up in New Orleans, but the few people I cared for there have left or died.\u00a0 Traveling out here, there was an excitement.\u00a0 A new land with so many possibilities!<\/p>\n \u201cAmelia and I sat up into the early hours last night and talked things over, and we both feel this is where we\u2019d liked to settle.\u00a0 What we\u2019d like to do, Adam…\u201d \u00a0She turned from the window and her eyes were wide and bright.\u00a0 \u201cWhat we\u2019d like to do is use my money to set up a business, here in Virginia City.\u201d<\/p>\n He didn\u2019t say anything straight away.\u00a0 She must have taken his silence for doubt because she hurried on.\u00a0 \u201cOh, I know you\u2019ll probably think I\u2019m mad.\u00a0 Two women, alone in a new city. \u00a0No friends, no contacts.\u00a0 But, Amelia and I, we\u2019re not intimidated by that.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo.\u00a0 I can see that.\u201d\u00a0 Adam got up from his chair and went to join her at the window, ostensibly to share her view of the comings and goings on the street, but in reality because he had a sudden overbearing urge to be closer to her.\u00a0 \u201cI wasn\u2019t doubting your strength of character.\u00a0 I was simply trying to imagine, with all the choices you must have, why you would choose Virginia City.\u00a0 What kind of business are you thinking of?\u201d<\/p>\n Her eyes crinkled again at that answer.\u00a0 He was standing so close to her now, he could see the russet silk of her bodice rising and falling as she breathed and feel the tingle of her jasmine scent his nostrils.\u00a0 \u201cA bookshop,\u201d she told him.<\/p>\n \u201cA bookshop?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNow you\u2019re laughing at me!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo.\u00a0 No, not laughing at you.\u00a0 Personally I\u2019d love to see a bookshop in Virginia City.\u00a0 I simply wonder whether you\u2019d find custom enough to survive.\u00a0 Most of the population here are miners who generally struggle to write their own names!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cBut there are others. And there\u2019s a school house.\u00a0 Not everyone\u2019s illiterate.\u00a0 And this town is growing fast.\u00a0 Besides,\u201d she hesitated, glanced away and then looked back at him, \u201cit would be as much for Amelia as for anyone else.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou\u2019d invest all your money in Amelia?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWould that be so wrong?\u201d\u00a0 Sophie wasn\u2019t smiling any more.\u00a0 The passion was back in her eyes.\u00a0 \u201cAmelia\u2019s like a daughter to me, Adam.\u00a0 A bookshop would give us the respectability we both want.\u201d<\/p>\n He saw that she was deadly serious. \u00a0He fixed her with a long hard look and she met his gaze with the same boldness he\u2019d so admired when they\u2019d first met.<\/p>\n \u201cIf you do decide to follow through with this plan, would you allow me to help?\u00a0 I\u2019d very much like to.\u201d<\/p>\n She smiled.\u00a0 \u201cThank you very much, Mr. Cartwright.\u00a0 You saved me the embarrassment of having to ask.\u201d<\/p>\n He smiled too.\u00a0 \u201cI don\u2019t believe you\u2019d have been embarrassed.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou think I\u2019m very forward?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOnly if that\u2019s a compliment.\u00a0 I think you\u2019re a woman who knows her own mind, who will achieve what she sets out to do.\u201d<\/p>\n Her eyes danced.\u00a0 \u201cYou\u2019re right.\u00a0 I\u2019m old enough to know exactly what I want, and too old to waste time waiting for it.\u201d\u00a0 The challenge she threw him with her look was unmistakable.\u00a0 It did something very strange to his insides.\u00a0 \u201cWhat about you, Adam Cartwright?\u00a0 I\u2019ll wager you usually get what you want too, don\u2019t you?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI like to think so.\u201d<\/p>\n He liked the way her eyes were teasing him, weighing him up. Her silken neck curved in a long, tempting sweep.\u00a0 He had an overwhelming urge to push down the silk of her sleeve to reveal the soft, rounded whiteness of her shoulder, and to kiss it.\u00a0 The thought of it made his heart beat faster.<\/p>\n \u201cAnd what is it you want?\u201d<\/p>\n She was playing with him.\u00a0 He got the distinct impression she already knew the answer to her own question.\u00a0 He let his eyes run lazily over her face, her hair, her neck, her shoulders before taking a step closer and doing what he had been longing to do ever since he had first laid eyes on her in the bank the day before.\u00a0 Taking her by the arms, he drew her towards him and pressed his mouth to hers.<\/p>\n 5<\/strong><\/p>\n Pa wasn\u2019t happy.\u00a0 It didn\u2019t take a genius to work that out, thought Hoss, as he spooned beans onto his plate and cast another cautious sideways glance at his father.<\/p>\n An empty chair shouldn\u2019t draw attention to itself, so why was Adam\u2019s vacant seat glaring at them so brazenly?\u00a0 Try as he might to ignore it, Adam\u2019s absence hovered like a threatening shadow over the table.\u00a0 Hoss glanced across at Little Joe.\u00a0 His brother was jabbing viciously at his plate with his fork.\u00a0 Little Joe wasn\u2019t happy either.\u00a0 Tedious hours standing at Pa\u2019s shoulder listening to him wrangle the finer points of lumber contracts was not Joe\u2019s idea of an enthralling day.\u00a0 Returning home to find Adam was where he had wanted to be all along, in Virginia City, with Sophie Hannard, had brought the storm clouds rolling across Joe\u2019s brow.\u00a0 He hadn\u2019t said anything, yet indignation was festering behind his brother\u2019s darkened eyes.<\/p>\n To be fair, Hoss hadn\u2019t actually mentioned Sophie.\u00a0 It was Pa who had brought her name into it.\u00a0 All Hoss had said was that Adam had ridden into Virginia City.<\/p>\n \u201cSophie!\u201d said Pa in the same tone someone might exclaim, \u201cVillains!\u201d or \u201cInfamy!\u201d\u00a0 And when he had looked to Hoss for acknowledgement, Hoss had just pulled an apologetic face.\u00a0 After that, Pa made a point of Adam\u2019s tardiness by not delaying dinner by even a few minutes to allow him the chance to show.\u00a0 Now they were making his continued absence an even bigger deal by refusing to acknowledge it, making forced conversation about anything but Sophie, or Adam\u2019s lateness, and all the likely scenarios those two subjects together conjured up.\u00a0 A real shame, thought Hoss, because Hop Sing had made roast potatoes, and Hoss especially liked roast potatoes the way Hop Sing cooked them.\u00a0 But it was hard to enjoy anything on his plate with Pa glaring at Adam\u2019s chair like it had committed murder, and Joe\u2019s scowl fit to turn the gravy sour.<\/p>\n They all heard the hoof beats in the yard.\u00a0 Hoss lifted his head a fraction and saw Pa and Joe had done the same, but still nobody said anything.\u00a0 Hoss tried to concentrate on his dinner, helping himself to more beef and potatoes.\u00a0 Pa chewed carefully on a mouthful of food and avoided looking towards the door.\u00a0 On another occasion, Hoss might have exchanged a sympathetic look with his youngest brother, but Joe was still stabbing venomously at the meat on his plate with a look on his face that made Hoss sure he was wishing it was Adam \u2013 or maybe Pa – beneath his knife.<\/p>\n When the door finally opened and Adam strolled in, Hoss stopped with his fork halfway to his mouth.\u00a0 Adam was whistling!\u00a0 Like he hadn\u2019t a care in the world.\u00a0 Didn\u2019t he know he was about to be hung, drawn and quartered?<\/p>\n \u201cEvening, Adam.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOh, hello, Pa. \u00a0You\u2019re back.\u00a0 Sorry I\u2019m late.\u00a0 How did the contracts go?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWe worked it out.\u00a0 Eventually.\u201d\u00a0 Pa\u2019s voice was very calm, very level. Hoss pushed a forkful of beef and potato into his mouth and chewed slowly, waiting for the storm to break.<\/p>\n \u201cAnything left for me?\u201d asked Adam, pulling out his chair and taking his seat.\u00a0 He glanced hopefully at the dishes in the center of the table.\u00a0 \u201cMmm!\u00a0 Roast potatoes!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou\u2019ve been into town.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYes, that\u2019s right.\u201d\u00a0 Adam was busy spooning food onto his plate.<\/p>\n \u201cDid you see Sophie?\u201d<\/p>\n Adam flicked a glance at his father.\u00a0 Hoss was watching him closely enough to see his fingers tighten around the serving spoon, but his voice gave nothing away.<\/p>\n \u201cYes, in fact, I did.\u00a0 I took her a book of poetry.\u00a0 Shelley.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cShelley?\u201d\u00a0 Pa nodded as if that made perfect sense. \u00a0Adam reached for the gravy.\u00a0 A little silence hung over the table while he poured the lukewarm sauce over his beef.\u00a0 Hoss had a vague hope that maybe Pa would leave it at that, but the tension in the air was getting thicker with every passing second, congealing like the cooling gravy.<\/p>\n \u201cI thought I made it clear last night how I felt about Sophie Leclerq.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHannard,\u201d said Adam, spreading his napkin on his lap.\u00a0 \u201cYou made it very clear how you felt.\u201d He took up his knife and fork.\u00a0 \u201cI don\u2019t feel the same, though.\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss felt his insides tighten.\u00a0 That easy tone of Adam\u2019s, that slight tilt of his eyebrow, they spelled trouble.<\/p>\n \u201cYou know nothing about her, Adam.\u201d<\/p>\n Adam glanced quickly at his father, then back at his plate.\u00a0 He didn\u2019t answer.\u00a0 Pa was working hard to keep his face even, but Hoss caught the little flicker of annoyance he couldn\u2019t hide.<\/p>\n \u201cShe\u2019s trouble.\u201d\u00a0 Pa\u2019s voice was a low growl.<\/p>\n Hoss had to admire his brother.\u00a0 He wasn\u2019t going to be drawn.\u00a0 He just kept on eating like Pa was talking about nothing more consequential than what a warm day it\u2019d been.<\/p>\n \u201cShe was out to cause trouble twenty years ago, and she\u2019s out to cause trouble now.\u00a0 I guarantee it.\u00a0 I want all three of you to promise me that you\u2019ll steer clear of her until she\u2019s gone from this town.\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss looked from Adam to Joe and back again, but neither of his brothers lifted their eyes.\u00a0 Pa\u2019s voice took on a chilly edge.\u00a0 \u201cYou boys hear me?\u201d<\/p>\n Adam regarded his father calmly while he finished his mouthful of food.\u00a0 \u201cThat might be more complicated than you think.\u00a0 She\u2019s not planning on leaving any time soon.\u201d<\/p>\n Pa stiffened visibly.\u00a0 \u201cWhat do you mean, not leaving soon?\u201d<\/p>\n Adam shrugged.\u00a0 \u201cJust that.\u00a0 She\u2019s planning on settling down here.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe\u2019s head came up at that and the scowl on his face lightened momentarily.<\/p>\n \u201cSettling down here?\u201d echoed Pa, his face freezing over.\u00a0 \u201cWhy?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhy not?\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss wondered how Adam managed to keep his voice so nonchalant, seemingly oblivious to the deepening chill settling around the table.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m hoping you\u2019re about to tell me you didn\u2019t encourage her.\u201d Pa was making an obvious effort to sound reasonable.<\/p>\n Adam set down his knife and fork and met Pa\u2019s stare with his own unflinching gaze.\u00a0 \u201cPa, Sophie Hannard was a good friend of Marie\u2019s.\u00a0 In my book that makes her a friend of this family, and we\u2019ve never turned our backs on friends before.\u00a0 Now, I don\u2019t know what the disagreement was between the two of you, but it was a long time ago, and unless you want to enlighten us further, I\u2019m not going to condemn her for some incident that took place twenty years ago, and of which I know nothing.\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss, listening to Adam with a mixture of awe and dread, watched the blank shutter come down over Pa\u2019s face, wiping away every trace of warmth with an impenetrable layer of cold granite.\u00a0 \u201cMy word isn\u2019t good enough for you, Adam?\u201d<\/p>\n Still Adam didn\u2019t falter.\u00a0 How he could sound so calm, so dadburned pleasant even, Hoss could not imagine.\u00a0 Under that cold hard gaze, he\u2019d have been squirming, but Adam sat straight and firm.\u00a0 \u201cI think we deserve an explanation.\u201d<\/p>\n Their eyes locked for a long moment, neither giving an inch of ground, then Pa\u2019s stare flicked briefly to Joe.\u00a0 Hoss caught the merest hint of uncertainty in his father\u2019s otherwise expressionless face.<\/p>\n \u201cYou\u2019re going to have to trust me on this one, Adam.\u00a0 Sophie tried to destroy me twenty years ago.\u00a0 She was a selfish, conniving woman then, and I\u2019ve no evidence she\u2019s any different now.\u00a0 I want you all to promise me you will stay away from her.\u201d<\/p>\n Something uncomfortable tugged at Hoss\u2019s insides.\u00a0 Pa\u2019s eyes were on him, boring right into him the way only Pa\u2019s sharp stare could do.\u00a0 He heard his own voice responding, almost automatically.\u00a0 \u201cYessir.\u201d<\/p>\n Pa looked at Adam.\u00a0 Adam shook his head.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m sorry, Pa.\u00a0 I won\u2019t make promises I can\u2019t keep.\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss\u2019s stomach dropped.\u00a0 Pa\u2019s mouth tightened.\u00a0 He turned his stony glare on Joe.<\/p>\n \u201cJoseph, you get no choice.\u00a0 Your brother might think he\u2019s old enough to defy me, but you most certainly are not.\u00a0 You will not go near Sophie Hannard, do you hear?\u00a0 In fact, you will not go anywhere near Virginia City unless you have my express permission to do so.\u00a0 Understood?\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss bit at his lip as he watched his youngest brother\u2019s mouth fall open in surprise and dismay.<\/p>\n \u201cBut Pa…\u201d<\/p>\n Pa held up his hand.\u00a0 \u201cNo protests, Joseph.\u00a0 That\u2019s an order.\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss tried to make Little Joe see he was sympathetic, but Joe\u2019s face was fast coloring up as the anger flushed through him.\u00a0 \u201cIt\u2019s not fair.\u00a0 I only want to talk to her about my mother.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cIf you have any questions about your mother, you ask me!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI just want to talk to her once!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou\u2019ll do as you\u2019re told, boy!\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss sensed Joe\u2019s helpless rage.\u00a0 When Pa got that face of stone, there was no arguing with him.\u00a0 Joe threw his napkin at his plate and rose from the table, pink with fury.\u00a0 \u201cIt doesn\u2019t make sense, Pa, and it\u2019s not fair!\u201d<\/p>\n His chair scraped loudly as he shoved it roughly out of the way and headed for the stairs.<\/p>\n For a moment nobody said anything, then Joe\u2019s bedroom door slammed with a violence that made the whole house vibrate.\u00a0 Hoss winced involuntarily.<\/p>\n Pa\u2019s eyes swiveled between the two of them.\u00a0 \u201cAnd if you care about your younger brother, you\u2019ll make sure he does as I say too, and stays away from that woman.\u201d<\/p>\n He rose from the table and headed for the door without another word.\u00a0 Hoss looked at Adam.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat was that about?\u201d<\/p>\n Adam picked up his knife and fork and resumed his interrupted dinner.\u00a0 \u201cI don\u2019t know for sure, but I could hazard a few guesses.\u00a0 What I don\u2019t understand is why Pa won\u2019t confide in us.<\/p>\n Hoss gave a little shrug.\u00a0 \u201cIt\u2019s not easy for him, Adam.\u00a0 I think he thinks he\u2019s protecting us.\u00a0 Little Joe especially.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cPa\u2019s always so defensive about Marie.\u00a0 If there\u2019s something he hasn\u2019t told us, maybe now would be a good time.\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss looked at him doubtfully.\u00a0 \u201cI think you and I know there\u2019s something.\u00a0 Pa\u2019s never said it right out because he doesn\u2019t want Little Joe hurting, that\u2019s all.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cSeems to me Joe\u2019ll be more hurt if he hears it from somewhere else.\u201d<\/p>\n *******<\/p>\n The argument at the dinner table lay like a heavy shadow over the house all that night and into the next morning.<\/p>\n Pa and Adam were already at the breakfast table, helping themselves to eggs in stony silence when Hoss sat down, his face gloomy.<\/p>\n \u201cJoe says he ain\u2019t feeling well, Pa.\u201d<\/p>\n Pa raised an eyebrow in a warning signal.\u00a0 \u201cOh?\u00a0 And what\u2019s wrong with him?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI dunno, Pa.\u00a0 He says his stomach don\u2019t feel so good.\u00a0 He does look kinda pale.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cDoes he?\u201d \u00a0Pa\u2019s mouth tightened.\u00a0 He laid his fork aside with a deliberate motion and rose from his chair.\u00a0 \u201cWell, I guess I\u2019d better go and see what\u2019s wrong with him then.\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss looked at Adam and puffed out his cheeks as Pa disappeared up the stairs.\u00a0 Adam pursed his mouth.\u00a0 They ate in silence, hearing the muffled tones of Pa\u2019s deep voice overhead.\u00a0 When Pa reappeared, he was tight-lipped, his shoulders hunched with annoyance.<\/p>\n \u201cI need to go to the mill today.\u00a0 There\u2019s been trouble over there with some of the workers.\u201d\u00a0 He raised his eyes to the ceiling.\u00a0 \u201cJoe was supposed<\/em> to come with me.\u00a0 You\u2019ll have to come instead, Adam.\u00a0 Since Joe obviously feels he\u2019s too ill to ride!\u201d<\/p>\n Adam lifted his eyebrows, but didn\u2019t protest.\u00a0 Pa fixed Hoss with a look that defied him to argue.\u00a0 \u201cYou\u2019ll stay here, Hoss.\u00a0 Keep an eye on your brother.\u201d\u00a0 There was no mistaking the coolness in Pa\u2019s tone.\u00a0 \u201cIf he\u2019s too ill to come with me, he\u2019s too ill to do anything else, so he stays in bed.\u00a0 You make sure of that, you hear? \u00a0He doesn\u2019t leave this house.\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss looked miserable.\u00a0 \u201cYessir.\u00a0 I\u2019ll do my best.\u201d<\/p>\n *******<\/p>\n Pa and Adam had been gone less than an hour when Joe appeared downstairs, dressed and booted.\u00a0 Hoss folded his arms and fixed him with a hard frown.\u00a0 \u201cThought you were sick.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m feeling better.\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss narrowed his eyes and pursed his mouth.\u00a0 \u201cAnd just where d\u2019you think you\u2019re going?\u201d<\/p>\n Taking his hat from the hook, Joe picked up his gun belt and wrapped it around his waist.\u00a0 \u201cVirginia City.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOh no you ain\u2019t!\u201d<\/p>\n Joe\u2019s brows came down.\u00a0 He fastened the belt and opened the door.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019ll be back way before Pa and Adam get home.\u00a0 Don\u2019t worry, Hoss.\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss followed him out onto the porch.\u00a0 Joe headed for the barn.<\/p>\n Hoss yelled after his brother\u2019s back.\u00a0 \u201cThat ain\u2019t the point.\u00a0 I promised Pa I\u2019d make sure you stayed here.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe had the bridle over Cochise\u2019s head when Hoss put out a hand to stop him.\u00a0 Joe pushed him away.\u00a0 \u201cShort of pinning me down and tying me up, you won\u2019t stop me.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou heard what Pa said.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYeah, I know.\u00a0 But it ain\u2019t right, Hoss, and you know that.\u00a0 I just want one chance to talk to her.\u00a0 She said she had letters my mother had written to her and that I could see them.\u00a0 That\u2019s all I wanna do.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWell it ain\u2019t right to lie to Pa either!\u201d<\/p>\n Joe hesitated for a fraction of a second.\u00a0 \u201cHe doesn\u2019t give me any choices, Hoss.\u00a0 He just orders me around like a little kid.\u00a0 And it ain\u2019t fair that I can\u2019t even speak to Mrs. Hannard!\u00a0 She knew my ma!\u00a0 That\u2019s all I wanna know.\u00a0 About my ma.\u00a0 That can\u2019t be wrong!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019s wrong to lie, Joe.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cLook, I\u2019ll be back way before Pa is so he doesn\u2019t even have to know.\u00a0 Unless you tell him, of course.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYeah, but I promised.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYeah, well I didn\u2019t.<\/p>\n \u201cIf he finds out, he\u2019ll be real mad, you know he will.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe shrugged.\u00a0 \u201cYeah, but he\u2019ll be mad at me, not you.\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss shook his head. \u201cDamnit, Joe!\u00a0 You\u2019re putting me in a very difficult position!\u201d<\/p>\n Joe tightened his jaw as he tightened the cinch.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m sorry, Hoss.\u00a0 I just gotta do this.\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss reached out his hand and caught hold of Cochise\u2019s bridle as Joe swung himself into the saddle.\u00a0 \u201cJoe, I\u2019m asking you one more time.\u201d<\/p>\n His younger brother looked down at him from the back of his horse and Hoss knew from the stubborn set of his face that he was fighting a losing battle.\u00a0 \u201cDadburnit, Joe!\u201d he cursed as his younger brother gave Cochise a nudge and the two of them headed out of the yard in their usual cloud of dust.<\/p>\n 6<\/strong><\/p>\n \u201cLittle Joe!\u201d<\/p>\n Joe smiled, nervously.\u00a0 \u201cMrs. Hannard,\u201d he greeted her, sweeping his hat from his head.<\/p>\n \u201cSophie, please!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019s not too early to call, is it?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOf course not.\u00a0 I was hoping you\u2019d come by.\u00a0 We\u2019ve a lot to talk about.\u00a0 I was worried your father might refuse to let you come.\u201d<\/p>\n He looked uncomfortable when she said that, but he didn\u2019t say anything.\u00a0 She indicated the breakfast dishes on the table.\u00a0 \u201cHave you eaten?\u00a0 The bread rolls are fresh.\u00a0 Would you like some coffee?\u201d<\/p>\n Joe helped himself to the bread as she poured a cup of coffee for him and another for herself. His enthusiastic appetite amused her.\u00a0 She had to remind herself that he ate like a hungry boy because he was one.<\/p>\n \u201cThese rolls are good!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cFresh from the baker.\u00a0 One thing this hotel does very well.\u00a0 But notwithstanding the excellent breakfasts, Amelia and I have decided we\u2019ve had enough of hotel living.\u00a0 We\u2019re going to look for a house in town.\u00a0 Maybe you can advise us where best to search.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou want to live here?\u201d\u00a0 Joe raised his eyebrows.\u00a0 \u201cAdam said you were thinking of staying for a while.\u201d<\/p>\n She nodded.\u00a0 \u201cMaybe permanently.\u00a0 Who knows?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou don\u2019t want to go back to New Orleans?\u201d<\/p>\n Sophie shook her head.\u00a0 \u201cThere\u2019s nothing there for me anymore.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019d love to go to New Orleans.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou\u2019re young.\u00a0 You have plenty of time.\u00a0 You\u2019ll get there some day.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI envy you.\u00a0 All the traveling you\u2019ve done!\u201d<\/p>\n Sophie smiled.\u00a0 \u201cI envy you growing up in such a wonderful place, and I envy you your family.\u00a0 The Ponderosa is beautiful.\u201d<\/p>\n He acknowledged that with a nod of his head.\u00a0 \u201cIt is beautiful.\u00a0 I\u2019m glad you liked it.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI even envy your mother her final resting place by that lake.\u00a0 What more perfect spot could there be?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cShe loved the lake. She used to take us for picnics there.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou remember that?\u201d<\/p>\n For a moment Joe looked regretful.\u00a0 \u201cI don\u2019t know.\u00a0 I think so.\u00a0 But sometimes I think I only remember it because Pa and Adam and Hoss have told me about it so many times.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cTell me what you think you remember.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cPlaying on the rocks.\u00a0 Swimming in the lake.\u00a0 My mama didn\u2019t know how to swim when she came here.\u00a0 Adam taught her.\u00a0 But he didn\u2019t always come with us; only when Pa could spare him.\u00a0 Mostly it was just my mother, Hoss and me.\u00a0 Pa hardly ever came because he was always too busy.\u00a0 We\u2019d spend whole days down on the lakeshore.\u00a0 She liked to fish too.\u00a0 Then we\u2019d make a fire and cook the fish.\u00a0 She wasn\u2019t anywhere near as strict as Pa so we got to do things he would never let us do.\u00a0 Once when Pa was away on business, we all camped by the lake in the moonlight and swam in the dark. And she told us ghost stories round the fire.\u00a0 She was real good at story-telling.\u00a0 We were so spooked, none of us could sleep!\u00a0 Even Adam who was pretty much grown up by then.\u201d<\/p>\n He seemed to realize all at once how closely she had been studying him as he talked.\u00a0 He blushed faintly. \u201cI\u2019m sorry. \u00a0I\u2019m talking too much as usual.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo you\u2019re not.\u00a0 I like to hear you speak of Marie.\u00a0 Those are good memories.\u00a0 She wrote to me about your picnics by the lake.\u00a0 You had a boat, didn\u2019t you?\u201d<\/p>\n He nodded.\u00a0 \u201cMy mother liked to row.\u00a0 I think she liked it better when she went out with us because she could take the oars.\u00a0 When Pa took her out, he always did the rowing.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cMarie had a very independent spirit.\u00a0 And so much energy.\u00a0 You\u2019re very like her in that way too.\u201d<\/p>\n Little Joe grinned.\u00a0 \u201cWish you\u2019d tell my brothers that.\u00a0 They don\u2019t seem to think I have enough energy.\u00a0 At least, not for working. \u00a0You really think I\u2019m like her?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYour eyes, your smile.\u00a0 Even when you\u2019re talking, I catch glimpses of her.\u00a0 It\u2019s uncanny.\u201d<\/p>\n He looked pleased at that.\u00a0 \u201cYou said you had letters; that I might be able to see one?\u00a0 Did you mean that?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019ve already looked them out.\u00a0 Come and sit beside me on the couch and I\u2019ll show them to you.\u201d<\/p>\n He moved himself obediently to one end of the couch while she went to the big closet in the corner and brought out a small box covered in mossy green flock.\u00a0 Sitting down beside him, she set the box between them and removed the lid.\u00a0 Inside, Joe saw several neat bundles of folded letters, each tied with a colored ribbon.\u00a0 She unfastened a bow and selected a letter at random.\u00a0 He leaned forward eagerly, noting the small, tightly packed script, and realizing almost instantly that the letter was written in French.\u00a0 He couldn\u2019t hide his disappointment.<\/p>\n \u201cYou don\u2019t read French?\u201d<\/p>\n He shook his head.\u00a0 \u201cA few words, that\u2019s all.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNever mind.\u00a0 I\u2019ll read them to you.\u201d Sophie glanced through the contents and smiled, half to herself.\u00a0 \u201cThis is an early one, when she first traveled out here with your father.\u00a0 Listen.<\/p>\n \u201c\u2018My dearest Sophie, it is exactly four months to the day since I arrived here on the Ponderosa.\u00a0 Strange how time works.\u00a0 It does not seem that long to me, yet at the same time, I begin to feel that I have lived my whole life here. I think that must mean it is beginning to feel like home.\u00a0 Of course, I miss New Orleans and my friends, and especially you, but there is so much I enjoy about being here too.\u00a0 Mostly I love to ride out around the ranch.\u00a0 <\/em><\/p>\n \u2018Sophie, you have no idea how vast this place is!\u00a0 I can ride all day and see no other living soul, nor any sign of one.\u00a0 At first, the immensity of this place frightened me, but gradually I\u2019m changing.\u00a0 Now I find the emptiness thrilling! Of course, I still wish for another woman to talk to when I am here on my own all day.\u00a0 Your absence is much on my heart, my dear friend, yet I am slowly learning to love my own company!<\/em><\/p>\n \u2018I am finally making progress with the two boys; a great relief for us all, although Ben, the born gentleman, never comments on my lack of maternal ability.\u00a0 Hoss, the younger one, is adorable and has the sweetest temper.\u00a0 If ever I am sad or homesick, he brings me flowers.\u00a0 Every evening he snuggles up to me on the couch.\u00a0 I read stories to him. \u00a0He enjoys it and it makes me happy too.<\/em><\/p>\n \u2018But I know nothing of boys, Sophie.\u00a0 The older one is not so easy.\u00a0 I know you will laugh when you read this but I am quite intimidated by Adam Cartwright, although he is only eleven years old!\u00a0 Such a serious child!\u00a0 He has a way of looking at me that makes me feel I am the child and he the adult.\u00a0 He is a great help to his father around this ranch, but how am I to act with him?\u00a0 I think he is disinclined to see me as a mother, even if I knew how to be one!\u00a0\u00a0 Last Sunday, Ben took us all fishing at the lake.\u00a0 It was such a glorious afternoon, and I made the biggest catch of the day.\u00a0 On the way home, Adam rode beside me, and told me how he wanted to go to college and be an engineer.\u00a0 At last he has confided in me, so maybe my prowess at fishing stands me in good stead!<\/em><\/p>\n \u2018And now, dearest Sophie, I cannot keep my secret any longer.\u00a0 You are the first person I have told, although by the time you receive this letter, I hope I may have plucked up courage enough to speak to Ben.\u00a0 I think you may guess my news.\u00a0 I am expecting a child!\u00a0 I can hardly credit this myself, which is why I am writing it first to you.\u00a0 My hope is that setting it down on paper will make it real to me.\u00a0 I have not seen a doctor yet, but I know in my heart it is true. All the signs are there.\u00a0 And truly, I am overjoyed.\u00a0 I know Ben will be too.\u00a0 And do not worry for me.\u00a0 I am strong and well, only sad, dear friend, that you are not closer to share my excitement and give me sound advice.\u2019\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n Sophie looked up from the page.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m sorry.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t think.\u00a0 This wasn\u2019t written for a man\u2019s ears.\u00a0 I should find another.\u201d<\/p>\n Little Joe shook his head.\u00a0 His face radiated the same eagerness that had dazzled her at the Ponderosa.\u00a0 It deepened the color on his cheeks and shone with a burning brilliance in the depths of his hazel eyes.\u00a0 It was the look that had burned on Marie\u2019s face whenever she was excited.\u00a0 \u201cPlease read on.\u00a0 I want to hear.\u201d<\/p>\n Sophie glanced down again at the letter, then back at Joe, still doubtful.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019ll read you another.\u00a0 This was a poor choice.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo, please!\u201d<\/p>\n She shook her head and pursed her mouth.\u00a0 \u201cIt\u2019s awkward, the things she says here.\u00a0 You may not know this, but all the months she carried you, she always imagined she would give birth to a girl.\u201d<\/p>\n He looked taken aback at that.\u00a0 \u201cNo, I didn\u2019t know that.\u00a0 She never said.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo, she didn\u2019t.\u00a0 Not to anyone but me, I think.\u00a0 You have to understand, there was always a certain loneliness for her living out here, especially in those days.\u00a0 So few women to talk to.\u00a0 That\u2019s why she dreamed of a girl. For companionship.\u00a0 She thought your father would adore a little girl too.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe looked down at the incomprehensible words on the page in her hand.\u00a0 The light had dimmed in his eyes.\u00a0 \u201cI must have been a disappointment to her then.\u201d<\/p>\n He looked bemused when she laughed.\u00a0 She shook her head.\u00a0 \u201cOh no, nothing like that!\u00a0 Look.\u201d\u00a0 She ruffled through the other loose letters, and picked out a bulkier one.\u00a0 Inside the folds of the notepaper was a delicate wisp of hair, soft and fair, tied with a faded blue ribbon.\u00a0 She picked it up between her thumb and forefinger and held it out to him.<\/p>\n He took it, almost reverently.\u00a0 \u201cThis was mine?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cIt certainly was.\u00a0 And you should hear what she says here.\u00a0 Now, where is it?\u00a0 Wait. \u00a0Ah, yes, here!<\/p>\n \u201c\u2018We have called him Joseph Francis.\u00a0\u00a0 He is the most perfect baby you have ever seen.\u00a0 I know every mother says that about her newborn child, but truly he is an angel!\u00a0 He has the softest curls. I am going to clip one and send it to you so you can see for yourself how fair, how angelic they are.\u00a0 And the dearest fingers and toes imaginable.\u00a0 I know I said to you I dreamed of a girl, but now I have my precious little boy, I cannot imagine it any other way.\u00a0 Ben is completely in love with him, and so proud.\u00a0 And his big brothers adore him.\u00a0 Even dear, strait-laced Adam keeps finding excuses to come into the room so he can take another look in the cradle!\u00a0 Our happiness is complete.<\/em>\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n Sophie paused again.\u00a0 \u201cLook, you can read this for yourself.\u00a0 She wrote mostly in English here.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe took the proffered letter from her hand and stared down at his mother\u2019s script, looking again over the words Sophie had just read.\u00a0 He blinked hard several times.<\/p>\n \u201cWhy don\u2019t you keep that letter since it\u2019s mostly in English?\u201d<\/p>\n His voice sounded tight in his throat.\u00a0 \u201cDo you mean that?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOf course.\u00a0 I still have all her other letters here.\u00a0 I would like you to have that one.\u00a0 As a memento.\u00a0 And the lock of hair.\u00a0 It\u2019s yours, after all.\u201d<\/p>\n Even though he cleared his throat first, his response was still husky.\u00a0 \u201cThank you.\u00a0 It means such a lot to me.\u201d<\/p>\n She reached out her hand and laid it lightly against his knee.\u00a0 \u201cIt\u2019s all right to miss her, Joe.\u00a0 I miss her too, you know.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAt least you remember her,\u201d he said, the bitterness evident in his voice.\u00a0 \u201cAll I have are a few belongings and a small likeness.\u201d<\/p>\n She drew her hand away and gathered up the letters.\u00a0 Setting the flock box aside on the table, she took from the closet a slim portfolio.<\/p>\n \u201cHere,\u201d she said, unfastening the clasp.\u00a0 \u201cLook at these.\u201d\u00a0 She pulled out a few sheets of paper and passed them to him.\u00a0 He took them curiously and she watched his eyes widen as he studied them.<\/p>\n \u201cThis is her?\u201d he asked in an awed whisper. \u201cDid you draw these?\u201d<\/p>\n She nodded.\u00a0 Watching him was producing a funny little ache inside her.\u00a0 Hadn\u2019t Amelia warned her this would happen?\u00a0 She had to stay detached.\u00a0 \u201cSee that there, on the smaller sheet?\u00a0 We were twelve when I drew that picture.\u00a0 It\u2019s not a wonderful drawing by any means, but I kept it because it captures her so well.\u00a0 Doesn\u2019t she look just as if she\u2019s plotting some terrible mischief in her head?\u00a0 This one, this was in the garden of the convent.\u00a0 She was flopped out on the grass.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t get to finish it because one of the sisters came rushing out, all in a bother, to remind us in no uncertain terms, that young ladies don\u2019t lie about on the grass!\u00a0 And this picture here, this is my favorite.\u00a0 Doesn\u2019t she look beautiful?\u00a0 That was shortly before your father came to New Orleans.\u00a0 She would have been more or less the same age you are now when I drew that.\u00a0 Now do you see now the similarities between the two of you?\u201d<\/p>\n She saw that he couldn\u2019t answer.\u00a0 He was even trembling very slightly.\u00a0 After a long silence, he finally managed to force out a stumbling sentence.\u00a0 \u201cThis\u2026 I\u2019ve never seen her like this. It\u2019s like\u2026 it\u2019s like I know her!\u201d<\/p>\n He laid a gentle finger against the crayoned lines of his mother\u2019s face on the paper.\u00a0 Marie\u2019s eyes gazed out with a mixture of amusement and impatience, her hair loose, carelessly coiled, and her lips pressed lightly together in a gentle smirk.\u00a0 She looked young and alive.<\/p>\n \u201cWe were eighteen,\u201d Sophie told him. \u201cShe had the face of an angel, didn\u2019t she?\u201d<\/p>\n He raised his eyes to hers.\u00a0 They shone dark with grief.\u00a0 Something indefinable stabbed at her heart.\u00a0 He looked so young and lost.<\/p>\n \u201cWait there!\u201d she said quickly.<\/p>\n There was a dresser against one wall.\u00a0 She opened one of the smaller drawers and took out a battered tin.\u00a0 Seating herself once more on the far end of the couch, she took the drawing from his hands, and arranged it, resting on her lap against the back of the portfolio.\u00a0 She opened the tin and took out a small crayon.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat are you doing?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThere\u2019s still plenty of room on this sheet.\u00a0 I\u2019m going to draw your portrait here, next to your mother\u2019s.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou\u2019re going to draw me<\/em>?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYes, why not?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo!\u201d he protested, aghast.\u00a0 \u201cYou\u2019ll ruin it!\u201d<\/p>\n She laughed.\u00a0 \u201cThank you for your vote of confidence!\u00a0 No I won\u2019t.\u00a0 I don\u2019t flatter myself I\u2019m good at much, but I have a skill for capturing a likeness.\u00a0 Now you just keep very still for a few minutes.\u201d\u00a0 Her stub of crayon was already scratching lightly at the paper.<\/p>\n \u201cSit still and don\u2019t frown.\u201d<\/p>\n He fidgeted awkwardly.\u00a0 \u201cNo one\u2019s ever drawn my portrait before. How am I supposed to look?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cPrecisely as you look now.\u00a0 Don\u2019t do anything at all.\u201d<\/p>\n He was uncomfortable.\u00a0 She had known he would be.\u00a0 She scrutinized his features while he sat obediently still, like a dutiful child instructed not to move.\u00a0 There was a look in his eyes that was almost pain.\u00a0 It made her want to laugh out loud.<\/p>\n \u201cDon\u2019t look so worried!\u201d<\/p>\n His face relaxed slightly.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m sorry.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t know I was.\u00a0 I\u2019m just not used to being stared at so closely.\u201d<\/p>\n She continued drawing, but he was still restless, fidgeting uneasily as her eyes dissected his mouth his jaw, his nose, his brows.\u00a0 He struggled most when she stared hard at his eyes, but she persisted, pretending not to notice his growing discomfort.\u00a0 Finally she set down the crayon and swiveled the paper so he could see the finished result.<\/p>\n \u201cThere. What do you think?\u00a0 Have I caught the similarities?\u201d<\/p>\n He stared unspeaking, then shook his head, but at his own inability to respond rather than at her work.\u00a0 \u201cIt\u2019s… it\u2019s…\u201d He lowered his face and bit his lip.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m sorry.\u00a0 I don\u2019t know what\u2019s wrong with me.\u201d His voice wavered dangerously.\u00a0 \u201cIt\u2019s just…seeing the two of us together like that, I…\u201d<\/p>\n She saw he couldn\u2019t speak any more.\u00a0 He raised his hand to hide his face from her.<\/p>\n \u201cOh, Joe!\u201d she said, softly.\u00a0 She moved to sit close beside him, reaching out her hand to stroke the thick curls on the back of his head.\u00a0 \u201cIt\u2019s the same for me. Being close to you is like being close to her again.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m sorry,\u201d he muttered.\u00a0 \u201cYou must think me such a fool!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhere I come from, it\u2019s not considered foolish for men to show their feelings.\u00a0 You\u2019ve more French blood in you than you know.\u201d She drew his head down onto her breast and touched his hair with a kiss, like a mother soothing a sad child.\u00a0 Nuzzling her face deeper, she followed the first kiss with a second.<\/p>\n His breath was warm against her chest as he let out a sigh of grief.\u00a0 Putting her arm around him, she pulled him closer, the hand in his hair trailing down to stroke the line of his cheekbone.\u00a0 He lifted his face to hers, watching her with cautious eyes, wide with pain and uncertainty.\u00a0 She planted a third kiss softly on his forehead, then his cheek.\u00a0 Her lips brushed close to the corner of his mouth, and her other hand came up and stroked the nape of his neck.<\/p>\n The pain in his gaze melted away as their shared longing for a woman dead thirteen years merged into a different kind of desire.\u00a0 She took the drawings from his fingers and dropped them aside as she leaned in and kissed him again on his other cheek, his jaw, his ear, the side of his neck, his cheek again – except he moved his head so that her lips touched lightly on his mouth instead.\u00a0 He still looked uneasy, maybe even a little afraid.\u00a0 Her hand at the back of his neck eased him towards her and this time her mouth lingered until she felt his arms close around her, and his lips, tentative and anxious, part softly to meet hers.<\/p>\n His anxiety was understandable.\u00a0 He had not expected this.\u00a0 Ben had raised his boys to be gentlemen.\u00a0 Rules of conduct certainly did not allow a young man to seduce his mother\u2019s best friend; especially on such short acquaintance!\u00a0 Sophie felt a warm rush of tender fondness for the boy.\u00a0 Even now, he was kissing her as if afraid his father might walk in and admonish him for his inappropriate behavior.<\/p>\n \u201cLittle Joe,\u201d she murmured, drawing back and taking his face in both hands.\u00a0 In his eyes she saw the feverish excitement she\u2019d stirred, tempered by his anxiety, as though he thought she\u2019d stopped because he\u2019d behaved out of turn.\u00a0 It made her want to smile, but she restrained herself.\u00a0 How different he was from his suave, sophisticated brother and his bold, determined father.<\/p>\n He looked hot and bothered, more than slightly feverish.\u00a0 Ruffling the curls of his hair, she drew him back to kiss him again, and suddenly it was as if he could hold back no longer.\u00a0 All the emptiness and grief that she had roused in him now locked them together in a kiss so deep and desperate, she widened her eyes in surprise.<\/p>\n He needed her.\u00a0 It was right she should be here for him.\u00a0 After all, she had been Marie\u2019s closest friend.\u00a0 It was right that she should be the one to comfort him.\u00a0 \u00a0Yet for all he was Marie\u2019s son, he was still a man, and Sophie knew only one way to comfort a man.\u00a0 She tightened her grip and drew him closer.<\/p>\n 7<\/strong><\/p>\n Hoss stared down at the newborn foal and his face was crumpled with anger.\u00a0 Even the leggy infant, her big soulful eyes reflecting the lamplight, could not lift his black mood, and for some reason, that made him even crosser.\u00a0 Joe\u2019s behavior had tainted everything.<\/p>\n The barn door creaked. Hoss didn\u2019t bother turning his head.\u00a0 \u201cWhy you following me?\u00a0 Go away, Little Joe!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHoss?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI said, go away.\u00a0 I don\u2019t wanna talk to you.\u00a0 Not now, not ever!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAw, come on!\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss spun around, blue eyes uncharacteristically cold and hard.\u00a0 \u201cYou really don\u2019t get the seriousness of this, do you?\u201d<\/p>\n Joe closed the barn door behind him.\u00a0 Leaning against it, he watched his brother with a bemused expression on his face.\u00a0 \u201cI don\u2019t see that it\u2019s that big a deal.\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss stared at him in disbelief. He shook his head.\u00a0 \u201cYou don\u2019t think it\u2019s a big deal that I just lied to Pa, for you, again<\/em>!\u201d<\/p>\n Joe gave a small shrug but he didn\u2019t say anything.<\/p>\n \u201cThat\u2019s three<\/em> times, Joe, in two<\/em> weeks.\u00a0 I ain\u2019t doing it again!\u00a0 I ain\u2019t covering for you no more.\u00a0 And it ain\u2019t fair for you to expect it of me neither!\u201d<\/p>\n Joe\u2019s face darkened into a sulky frown. \u201cYou\u2019re my brother, Hoss.\u00a0 We always cover for each other.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYeah, but we don\u2019t lie to Pa. \u00a0Not when it\u2019s serious anyways.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWell, it\u2019s not serious.\u201d\u00a0 Joe raised his hands and gave a little shake of his head.<\/p>\n \u201cYou\u2019re lucky I ain\u2019t flattened you, boy!\u00a0 How can you tell me it ain\u2019t serious when you know how angry and upset Pa gets just at the mention of her name?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cPa\u2019s being unreasonable.\u00a0 You can see that, can\u2019t you?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo I don\u2019t see it.\u00a0 I don\u2019t know what\u2019s gotten Pa so upset \u2019cause he won\u2019t say.\u00a0 And that makes me think it must be something real bad.\u00a0 How\u2019s he gonna feel when he finds out you\u2019ve been seeing her behind his back, against his express wishes.\u00a0 And you told me, Little Joe, that you were gonna see her once<\/em>.\u00a0 Once, mind!\u00a0 I lied for you once, and you took advantage of that.\u00a0 What did you think?\u00a0 Hoss is a big softy; he won\u2019t tell on me?\u201d<\/p>\n Joe nibbled at his bottom lip, his brow sullen.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m sorry, Hoss.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t mean to put you in an awkward position.\u201d\u00a0 He looked back at his glowering brother, and heaved an aggrieved sigh.\u00a0 \u201cWell, what?\u00a0 What else do you want me to say?\u00a0 I\u2019m sorry, all right?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI wanna hear you promise you won\u2019t go and see that woman again.\u00a0 And you have to mean it!\u201d<\/p>\n There was a strained silence.\u00a0 Joe looked away again. \u201cI can\u2019t do that.\u201d<\/p>\n Neither of them said anything for a long moment.\u00a0 Hoss narrowed his eyes.\u00a0 \u201cJoe, is there something going on between you and that Sophie?\u201d<\/p>\n Joe said nothing, but his silence answered for him.<\/p>\n Hoss shook his head in disbelief.\u00a0 \u201cShe\u2019s more than twice your age!\u201d<\/p>\n Joe\u2019s face flushed darkly. \u201cSo?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cSo, what d\u2019you think you\u2019re doing?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAw, come on, Hoss!\u00a0 You\u2019re not gonna tell me you don\u2019t think she\u2019s attractive!\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss gaped at him in disbelief, unable for a moment to think of a suitable response.\u00a0 Truth was he did<\/em> think Sophie Hannard was attractive.\u00a0 What man wouldn\u2019t?\u00a0 Like a painting of the Madonna or those graceful statues of Greek goddesses Adam had once shown him in a book.\u00a0 Not only that, but she had eyes that pulled men in, deep and soft and promising.\u00a0 Of course he\u2019d noticed.\u00a0 That aura of hers was what was causing all the trouble, jangling in the air between them, like she\u2019d left a scent behind that roused some unfathomable instinct inside them and made them want to rip each other apart. \u00a0Pa was as uptight as an angry cougar, and Adam was distant and tight-lipped.\u00a0 Adam had made no secret of the fact he\u2019d seen Sophie plenty of times, and he knew all about the house she\u2019d rented on the edge of the town, and the premises she was in the process of securing to start up her bookshop.\u00a0 It was obvious to Hoss there was more going on between Adam and Sophie than plain old business.\u00a0 And he was pretty certain Pa knew that too.\u00a0 Pa and Adam had barely spoken to each other for the last two weeks.\u00a0 In fact, Adam had barely spoken to any of them!\u00a0 Now here was Joe making a bad situation a whole lot worse.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat about Adam?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhat about him?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou know he\u2019s been seeing her too, don\u2019t you?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYeah, of course I do.\u00a0 He\u2019s helping her set up her bookshop.\u201d\u00a0 The look of disdain on Joe\u2019s face as he said it showed how he felt about that particular venture.<\/p>\n \u201cYou don\u2019t reckon there\u2019s more to it than that?\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss saw the trail of emotions that passed across Joe\u2019s face then.\u00a0 His little brother had never been good at concealing his feelings. \u00a0Hurt, anger, suspicion, denial, and finally defiance flickered in Joe\u2019s eyes.<\/p>\n \u201cI don\u2019t reckon anything!\u00a0 He\u2019s not married to her, is he?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo, but they ain\u2019t just reading poetry together neither.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe threw him a scowl sour enough to curdle milk. \u201cWell, it\u2019s not as if I\u2019m planning on marrying her, am I?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhat exactly are you planning?\u201d<\/p>\n Joe glared at him in mute frustration.\u00a0 \u201cI…I don\u2019t know yet!\u201d\u00a0 He threw his hands out in a gesture of helplessness.\u00a0 \u201cListen, it wasn\u2019t me started it, Hoss.\u00a0 I just went to see her to ask her about my ma.\u00a0 Then she said she\u2019d draw my picture, and\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAnd what?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI don\u2019t know. It just kinda happened.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t plan it.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou\u2019re out of your depth, little brother.\u00a0 She\u2019s stringing you along.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe shook his head in hot denial.\u00a0 \u201cNo she\u2019s not!\u00a0 She\u2019s not like that.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo?\u00a0 How come she\u2019s so cozy with Adam then?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHe\u2019s been helping her out.\u00a0 With the house and the shop and everything.\u00a0 He\u2019s good at all that kinda stuff.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAw, Joe, stop kidding yourself!\u201d\u00a0 Hoss had had enough of this conversation.\u00a0 He straightened up and headed for the door. \u00a0\u00a0Joe could be downright selfish when he wanted to be!<\/p>\n The barn door opened.\u00a0 Joe, leaning against it, almost lost his balance but righted himself in time.<\/p>\n Adam stood in the doorway.\u00a0 His gaze took in first Joe and then Hoss, but the surly expression on his face didn\u2019t alter.\u00a0 For a second, Hoss wondered if he\u2019d been outside listening, but then he saw the saddlebags in his brother\u2019s hand and his brow dinted deeper.<\/p>\n \u201cWhere you going, Adam?\u201d<\/p>\n Adam cast a glance back at the house. \u201cInto town. I\u2019m planning on staying there for a few days.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cA few days?\u201d\u00a0 Hoss looked anxious.<\/p>\n \u201cHopefully, my absence will improve the atmosphere here.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThat ain\u2019t the answer, Adam!\u201d\u00a0 Hoss shook his head.\u00a0 \u201cWe can sort this out.\u00a0 We just need to sit down, all together, and talk this over.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWe can\u2019t talk,\u201d Adam told him, biting each word as it came out of his mouth.\u00a0 \u201cThat\u2019s obvious.\u00a0 We can only argue with each other right now.\u00a0 I\u2019ve told Pa, as soon as he\u2019s ready to talk, I\u2019m ready to listen.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAll this over a woman!\u201d Hoss muttered.<\/p>\n Adam\u2019s jaw was a hard line. \u201cIt\u2019s not the woman, Hoss, it\u2019s our complete inability to communicate like human beings.\u00a0 What are you staring at, Joe?\u201d<\/p>\n Joe narrowed his eyes.\u00a0 \u201cWhere are you going to stay?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAt the hotel, of course, where do you think?\u00a0 Oh, I see!\u00a0 You thought I might be planning to move in with Sophie Hannard!\u00a0 What kind of a woman do you think she is?\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss looked down at his feet.\u00a0 \u201cI don\u2019t know, Adam.\u00a0 What kind of a woman is she?\u201d<\/p>\n Anger was emanating out of Adam like heat from a wound, but he bit his lip and set about saddling his horse.\u00a0 Joe, still without speaking, turned on his heel and headed back to the house, trailing a heavy cloak of resentment in his wake.\u00a0 The silence in the barn pressed heavily, like the air before a thunderstorm.\u00a0 When Adam was saddled and mounted, Hoss looked up at him and twitched his mouth regretfully.<\/p>\n \u201cDon\u2019t stay away too long.\u00a0 It won\u2019t be the same round here without you.\u00a0 We\u2019ll find a way to sort this out, you\u2019ll see.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI hope so, Hoss.\u201d \u00a0With a curt nod to his brother, Adam nudged his horse out of the barn into the darkness.<\/p>\n 8<\/strong><\/p>\n Hoss set down his coffee cup and looked at his father across the breakfast table.\u00a0 \u201cI thought I\u2019d take the buckboard into town.\u201d<\/p>\n It was two weeks since Adam\u2019s departure and an uneasy truce lay over the house.\u00a0 Pa had been into Virginia City the week before, but he had said nothing about Adam, and when Hoss enquired, Pa answered abruptly that he\u2019d not seen him while he was there, in a voice that warned Hoss the subject was not one he wished to discuss further.<\/p>\n \u201cHop Sing needs to go in for some supplies, and there\u2019s a few chores I need to see to.\u00a0 I\u2019ll pick up the mail.\u201d<\/p>\n Adam had been right about one thing.\u00a0 His departure meant there was one less direction for the wind to tug.\u00a0 No one mentioned Sophie Hannard, and when Pa spoke of Adam, it was in terms of what tasks could wait until Adam got back, as if his oldest son was off on some business trip and not just twenty miles down the road in Virginia City.\u00a0\u00a0 And as if Adam had plans to return.\u00a0 Hoss heard from the ranch hands returning from town that Sophie\u2019s shop was being refurbished, and Adam had taken charge of the work.\u00a0 The two of them were seen frequently together in the town.\u00a0 Adam\u2019s relocation to the International House and his relationship with the wealthy stranger was the talk of Virginia City.\u00a0 As the days passed, Hoss began to wonder if Adam actually had any intention of coming home to the Ponderosa.<\/p>\n Joe raised his head from his plate.\u00a0 \u201cI need to go in too.\u00a0 I need some shirts.\u201d<\/p>\n Pa poured coffee into his cup.\u00a0 \u201cHoss will order them for you.\u00a0 Mr. Wallace knows your size.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI wanted to choose the colors.\u00a0 Hoss won\u2019t know.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben threw Joe a stern glance.\u00a0 \u201cThere\u2019s work be done here, Joseph.\u00a0 One person going into town is enough.\u00a0 With Adam away, we\u2019ve plenty to do.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cPa, you haven\u2019t let me into town in weeks!\u00a0 You can\u2019t keep me prisoner here forever!\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss fixed Joe with an accusing look.\u00a0 Joe\u2019s eyes glared back as though daring his brother to say anything about his unauthorized absences.<\/p>\n \u201cDon\u2019t be so dramatic, Joe.\u00a0 You\u2019re hardly a prisoner.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThen why can\u2019t I go with Hoss? \u00a0We\u2019ll only be gone half a day.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cBecause it\u2019s not necessary, and because I say so.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe rose up from his seat and headed for the door.\u00a0 Pa lifted his face and frowned.\u00a0 \u201cSit down and eat your breakfast.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019ve lost my appetite!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThen, if you\u2019ve had enough to eat, you can make a start on those logs in the yard.\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss tensed himself for the inevitable slam of the door.\u00a0 Even after the windows had settled back into their frames, the air still seemed to vibrate.<\/p>\n \u201cOrder a couple of shirts for Joe while you\u2019re in town.\u201d Pa\u2019s voice was deliberately level.\u00a0 \u201cFind out if there\u2019s anything else he needs you to get for him.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYessir.\u201d Hoss chewed and swallowed.\u00a0 Keeping his eyes on his plate, he said, \u201cI thought I\u2019d try and see Adam.\u00a0 Find out what his plans are.\u201d<\/p>\n Pa gave a non-committal nod.\u00a0 \u201cYes.\u00a0 It would be useful to know.\u201d<\/p>\n They lapsed back into strained silence.\u00a0 Hoss chewed another mouthful and glanced hesitantly at his father.<\/p>\n \u201cPa, about Joe.\u201d<\/p>\n Pa\u2019s eyes were stony.\u00a0 \u201cWhat about him?\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss almost faltered, but pushed on bravely. \u201cPerhaps he could come with me…\u201d<\/p>\n Pa\u2019s expression silenced him.<\/p>\n \u201cIt won\u2019t do Joseph any harm to do as he\u2019s told, for once.\u00a0 If he stays out of town, he\u2019ll stay out of trouble.\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss twisted his face.\u00a0 \u201cBut Pa, he\u2019s…\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThe matter\u2019s closed, Hoss.\u00a0 I\u2019ve said all I\u2019m going to say on the subject.\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss dropped his head and stared gloomily at his plate. \u00a0Even his breakfast was losing its flavor in the frigid atmosphere of the house.<\/p>\n *******<\/p>\n He was hitching up the buckboard later that morning when Joe marched past him towards the barn.\u00a0 Something about the determined set of his brother\u2019s face and the saddlebags in his hand made Hoss follow him.\u00a0 He stopped by the door and crossed his broad arms.\u00a0 Joe was wearing his hat and jacket and had his gun at his hip.<\/p>\n \u201cWhere you going, little brother?\u201d<\/p>\n Joe, saddling Cochise, looked around as if he was surprised to see Hoss standing there.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m coming into town with you and Hop Sing.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cPa changed his mind, did he?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNope.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThen you\u2019d better get back to splitting them logs before he comes out and splits you!\u201d<\/p>\n Joe eased the bridle over Cochise\u2019s head.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m tired of being treated like a kid. \u00a0Adam gets to do what he wants, so why shouldn\u2019t I?\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss shook his head.\u00a0 \u201cSomehow I can\u2019t see Pa taking it from you the way he takes it from Adam.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe gave a nonchalant shrug, but Hoss could see he was more troubled than he let on.\u00a0 \u201cMaybe if I move out too, Pa\u2019ll realize he can\u2019t keep treating me like this.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou\u2019re moving out?\u00a0 What you gonna do?\u201d<\/p>\n Joe shrugged again.\u00a0 \u201cI can work.\u00a0 I\u2019ll get a job someplace.\u201d\u00a0 He turned back to his horse.\u00a0 \u201cAnything\u2019s better than this.\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss stood in silence, watching him.\u00a0 He could think of nothing appropriate to say.\u00a0 His family was falling apart around him and he had no idea how to stop it happening.\u00a0 He was so preoccupied he didn\u2019t even hear the sound of hooves until the horse and rider were in the yard behind him.<\/p>\n \u201cHoss.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAdam!\u201d<\/p>\n Joe turned his head.\u00a0 Adam nodded in Joe\u2019s direction, but his face was closed, wary.<\/p>\n \u201cPa about?\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss gestured with his arm.\u00a0 \u201cYeah, over by the corral.\u00a0 I was planning on coming by to see you this morning.\u201d<\/p>\n Adam dismounted.\u00a0 \u201cI saved you the trouble then.\u201d<\/p>\n The three brothers exchanged looks.\u00a0 Once there would have been jokes and greetings; this time there was only caution, an uneasy reserve, as if each was waiting for the other to strike.<\/p>\n \u201cHow are things here?\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss nodded, forcing a bright smile.\u00a0 \u201cYeah, everything\u2019s smooth as fine brandy.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe\u2019s scowl told a different story, but if he noticed, Adam chose to ignore it.<\/p>\n \u201cYou… er…\u201d\u00a0 Hoss cleared his throat, his blue eyes anxious.\u00a0 \u201cYou back to stay?\u201d<\/p>\n Adam\u2019s gaze flicked away.\u00a0 \u201cNo.\u00a0 I\u2019m… I\u2019m back because I have some news.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOh yeah?\u201d\u00a0 Hoss kept his voice light. \u201cWhat news?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cSophie\u2019s bookshop\u2019s opening next week.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cShe didn\u2019t waste any time.\u201d\u00a0 Hoss\u2019s laugh sounded oddly unnatural, even to his own ears.<\/p>\n Adam shrugged.\u00a0 \u201cIt was all very straightforward really.\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss nodded.\u00a0 Adam dusted the sleeves of his jacket.\u00a0 Joe brushed loose straw from Cochise\u2019s neck but made no attempt to move him out of his stall.\u00a0 Hoss cleared his throat.<\/p>\n \u201cSo, when are<\/em> you coming home again?\u201d<\/p>\n Adam took off his hat and turned it in his hands, examining it intently.\u00a0 \u201cI don\u2019t think I will be.\u201d \u00a0He flicked at a speck of dirt on the hat band.\u00a0 \u201cThat\u2019s part of the reason I\u2019m back now.\u00a0 Need to pick up a few more things.\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss glanced at Joe, but Joe was concentrating hard on Cochise, although Hoss wasn\u2019t sure exactly what was occupying his attention.\u00a0 \u201cYou\u2019re gonna stay in town then?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cLooks that way.\u00a0 I\u2019ve… um…. I\u2019ve asked Sophie…\u201d\u00a0 Adam paused and cleared his throat.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019ve asked Sophie to marry me.\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss\u2019s stomach lurched.\u00a0 Joe\u2019s head jerked up. \u00a0They both stared in disbelief at Adam.\u00a0 For a long, tense moment, no one said anything. \u00a0Hoss gathered his wits first.<\/p>\n \u201cSophie?\u201d he repeated, as though Adam might have the wrong name.<\/p>\n Adam nodded.<\/p>\n Hoss sucked in a hard breath.\u00a0 \u201cYou\u2019re gonna tell that to Pa?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHe\u2019s going to find out one way or another. Best if he hears it from me.\u201d\u00a0 Adam met Hoss\u2019s dismayed stare with a level gaze.\u00a0 \u201cAnd I wanted you both to know too, of course.\u00a0 Before anyone else.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe finally moved, stepping out of Cochise\u2019s stall.\u00a0 The blood had left his face.\u00a0 \u201cMarry her?\u201d he muttered.<\/p>\n The hat ceased to move in Adam\u2019s hand.\u00a0 He looked down at it briefly, as if he was surprised to find it still there, then he looked back at Joe.<\/p>\n \u201cYes.\u00a0 We\u2019ve spent a lot of time together this last month or so.\u00a0 We both know how we feel.\u00a0 In all honesty, I think we both knew straight away that there was something… special between us.\u201d<\/p>\n Muscles twitched in Joe\u2019s jaw and his brow flickered.\u00a0 His eyes grew darker. \u00a0Hoss could almost hear the crackle of his resentment flaring into hot indignation.\u00a0 \u201cBut…she doesn\u2019t love you!\u201d<\/p>\n Adam gave a harsh, humorless laugh. \u201cOh?\u00a0 And you\u2019re qualified to know that, are you?\u201d<\/p>\n Joe swallowed hard.\u00a0 \u201cShe loves me!\u00a0 She said so.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cDon\u2019t be ridiculous, Joe!\u00a0 You\u2019re just a kid!\u00a0 She\u2019s just being nice to you because of Marie.\u201d\u00a0 Adam straightened up from the door frame and turned away from his youngest brother, dismissing him.\u00a0 \u201cYou don\u2019t seriously think a woman like Sophie is going to fall for a boy your age, do you?\u00a0\u00a0 You\u2019re like a besotted puppy fawning around her ankles! To be perfectly frank, it\u2019s embarrassing to watch you!\u00a0 Take my advice and lay off pestering her, before you end up making a complete fool of yourself.\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss saw the blood rush hot into Joe\u2019s face.\u00a0 He braced himself, half expecting his fiery-tempered little brother to fly at Adam, but Joe held back, forcibly restraining his indignation.<\/p>\n \u201cYou\u2019re wrong.\u201d\u00a0 Joe lowered his face to stare hard at the packed earth of the barn floor.\u00a0 His voice was quiet and low.\u00a0 \u201cShe does care about me.\u00a0 I know she does.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cShe cared about your mother.\u00a0 There\u2019s a difference.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe shook his head.\u00a0 \u201cYou don\u2019t know anything, Adam.\u00a0 She told<\/em> me she loves me, and until I hear different – from her lips – I\u2019m not going to listen to you!\u201d<\/p>\n Adam placed his hat back on his head, as though the conversation was over.\u00a0 \u201cAw, grow up, Joe!\u00a0 Don\u2019t make yourself a laughing stock.\u00a0 Take it from me, kid, she\u2019s not interested in you.\u00a0 Not in that way, anyway.\u00a0 Now, I need to find Pa.\u201d<\/p>\n He turned to walk away, Hoss staring after him with tight lips and a deep furrow denting his broad forehead.\u00a0 \u201cAdam…\u201d he started to say, but his words were cut short by an unexpected volley of expletives, and Joe\u2019s body hurtled across the barn, driven by the full force of his exploding fury. Adam, taken by surprise, toppled sideways, his head slamming with a resounding thud into the barn wall.\u00a0 He didn\u2019t even have time to shout out before Joe\u2019s hands were at his throat.<\/p>\n Driven by instinct, Hoss lunged forward.\u00a0 Adam was flat on his back in the dust, Joe straddling him, hands clamped around his older brother\u2019s neck.\u00a0 Adam\u2019s eyes were wide with alarm.\u00a0 Hoss could hear him choking as he fought to pry Joe\u2019s fingers away.\u00a0 There was blood too, staining the dirt beneath Adam\u2019s head.<\/p>\n \u201cJoe, let him go!\u201d\u00a0 Hoss seized his younger brother\u2019s arms to pull him away, but the resentment that had been simmering inside Joe for weeks now had boiled over into uncontrolled rage, robbing him of reason and filling him with a raw strength.\u00a0 Adam\u2019s face was reddening as he clawed frantically at the hands crushing the air from his body.<\/p>\n \u201cLet him go, Joe!\u00a0 You\u2019re going to kill him!\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss heard the naked fear in his own bellow of desperation.\u00a0 Joe sensed it too, through the thick red cloud enveloping him.\u00a0 All at once his fingers loosened.\u00a0 His face, already contorted with anger, now convulsed as if he\u2019d been gripped by a sudden fierce pain.\u00a0 A heavy breath, like a sob, caught in his throat as he clambered unsteadily to his feet, stumbling back into the barn, as clumsily as a man drunk on too much liquor.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat in tarnation is going on?\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss dragged his eyes from Joe as Pa panted into the yard, his disapproving glare passing over Joe and Hoss and turning to horror as it came to rest on Adam, bleeding into the dirt, and coughing painfully in his throat as he struggled to sit up.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m all right,\u201d Adam muttered hoarsely, pushing himself up onto his elbows.<\/p>\n \u201cYou\u2019re not all right.\u201d\u00a0 Pa dropped to his knees beside him and hoisted him to a sitting position.\u00a0 \u201cKeep still and let me see.\u201d<\/p>\n As one, their heads came up as Joe flung himself out of the barn, dragging Cochise behind him.\u00a0 Pa took one look at Joe\u2019s face and rose swiftly to his feet again.\u00a0 \u201cJoseph, what\u2019s going on?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou\u2019d better ask him!\u201d \u00a0Joe flashed an accusing glare at his oldest brother as he sprang into his saddle, gathered up his reins and dug in his heels.\u00a0 But he wasn\u2019t quite fast enough.\u00a0 \u00a0Pa already had hold of Cochise\u2019s rein with one hand and Joe\u2019s leg with the other.\u00a0 Joe hauled the horse\u2019s head around with a violent jerk.\u00a0 The fire of passion that had consumed him only moments before had frozen in his eyes, cold and impenetrable.<\/p>\n \u201cDon\u2019t touch me, Pa!\u201d \u00a0He spat the words like venom as he gave Cochise a sharp kick and tugged viciously on the rein.\u00a0 The animal gave a protesting whinny, and reared.\u00a0 Pa jumped clear just in time as horse and rider reeled and thundered away.<\/p>\n For a stunned moment, no one moved, then, as Hoss gazed after Joe\u2019s retreating back, Pa sank down again beside Adam.\u00a0 Blood was seeping between the fingers of Adam\u2019s hand as he held it pressed to the back of his head.<\/p>\n \u201cLet\u2019s get you inside,\u201d said Pa, \u201cthen you can explain to me what this is all about.\u201d<\/p>\n *******<\/p>\n \u201cDo you want to tell me what\u2019s going on?\u201d<\/p>\n Adam winced as Pa dabbed at the gash on the back of his head with a wet towel.<\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019s deep, Adam, but I think it\u2019ll clean up fine.\u201d<\/p>\n Adam extracted the towel from Pa\u2019s hand so he could minister to his own injuries.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat were you two fighting about this time?\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss glanced at his father.\u00a0 Pa made it sound like Adam and Joe had had nothing worse than a childish spat over a game.\u00a0 Hadn\u2019t he registered Adam\u2019s bruised neck and that look of twisted hatred on Little Joe\u2019s face?\u00a0 But Pa\u2019s expression was impenetrable.<\/p>\n Hoss looked at Adam and Adam\u2019s face was the same.\u00a0 There were times, Hoss thought, when the two of them were mirror images of each other, the way they set their faces to stony blankness.\u00a0 When Adam said nothing, it was Hoss who broke the silence.<\/p>\n \u201cAre you gonna tell him, Adam, or shall I?\u201d<\/p>\n Adam sighed. He gave a small shrug as though what he had to say was of little or no importance.<\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019s Sophie Hannard, Pa.\u00a0 I\u2019ve asked her to marry me.\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss, watching Pa closely, waited for the calm exterior to crack.\u00a0 Pa\u2019s dark eyes remained fixed on Adam for a long moment, but not the slightest movement in his face betrayed any emotion beneath.\u00a0 Then, without a word, he turned and left the house.<\/p>\n \u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n 9<\/p>\n What should he tell his sons?<\/p>\n Twenty years was a long time. Sometimes the longer a secret stayed hidden, the harder it became to drag it out into the light. Even when that secret threatened to destroy the very things he\u2019d always meant to protect.<\/p>\n Sophie Leclerq. What was she doing? Why was she here?<\/p>\n Ben straightened his shoulders and took a deep breath to steady his muddled thoughts. Had the damage gone too far? Could he stop it?<\/p>\n Striding across the yard to the barn, he paused by the dark patch on the ground where Adam had bled, the stain already fading into the dry dust. He must have hit his head against the frame when Joe flew into him. Ben had seen that happen as he made his way from the corral to the yard. Minutes before, his sharp eyes had recognized Adam\u2019s familiar figure riding towards the house. By the time he got close, Joe was already splayed across his brother, with his hands around his throat. He\u2019d broken into a run then. When he saw Adam, gagging on the ground, and Joe with that look on his face, his insides had turned numb with horror.<\/p>\n It was his fault. He should have told them. He should have told them long ago.<\/p>\n Inside the barn, hanging over the top of Cochise\u2019s empty stall was a pair of bulging saddlebags. Ben frowned and lifted them down, his brow wrinkling. The end of a grey woolen sock dangled from one bag. The other side wasn\u2019t even fastened. He lifted the flap and stared at the belongings stuffed hastily inside. A crumpled shirt, a shaving roll, an ammunition pouch, a piece of folded paper.<\/p>\n So Joe had been planning on leaving too. First Adam, now Joe. Ben reached into the bag and drew out the paper. As he unfolded it, an envelope dropped to the ground. He bent to retrieve it, his heart skipping a beat as he recognized the handwriting. Alone in the barn, he stared in shaken silence, the letter from his wife in one hand, and the drawing of her face in the other. The image, skillfully captured by an artist\u2019s hand, met his gaze with a familiar expression of amusement and impatience that stabbed at his heart. And there, just beneath her portrait, Joe\u2019s likeness, caught in a moment of uncertainty, his face both eager and worried. The similarities between mother and son sapped the breath from Ben\u2019s body.<\/p>\n He had to sit down. His legs felt unaccountably weak and his hands were suddenly shaking. \u00a0Sinking onto a crate, he dropped the saddlebags beside him.<\/p>\n \u201cMarie,\u201d he whispered. The wound in his heart that had never quite healed now ached anew with a rawness that caused his breath to catch painfully in his throat. The images blurred in front of him and he blinked hard. \u201cMarie, I miss you so much.\u201d<\/p>\n His eyes rested on the likeness of his youngest son, and the pain tugged deeper. There was only one place Joe could have gotten this drawing, and the letter.<\/p>\n The letter. Ben drew the sheet of notepaper out of the envelope and unfolded it with trembling fingers. Something soft and feather light dropped into his palm. He gazed in silence at a small curl from a baby\u2019s head, then he took it gently between his finger and thumb and held it up to the light. It shone like gold silk. He dropped his eyes to the words on the page.<\/p>\n \u201cBen is completely in love with him, and so proud. And his big brothers adore him. Even dear, strait-laced Adam keeps finding excuses to come into the room so he can take another look in the cradle! Our happiness is complete!\u201d<\/p>\n A groan slipped from Ben\u2019s lips; a sound of muted anguish. \u201cOh, Marie,\u201d he muttered again, repeating her name over and over as he shook his head at the floor. \u201cMarie! Marie, I\u2019m sorry. I\u2019m so, so sorry! Forgive me, please.\u201d<\/p>\n *******<\/p>\n Hoss lifted his head hopefully as he heard the sound of hooves outside in the yard, and hurried to the door. Adam was asleep on the couch, his face grey and pale. Hop Sing had brewed his special tea, but Adam\u2019s head had still been aching, and despite his protestations that he was fine, Hoss had finally persuaded him he should rest up for a while before attempting the ride back to Virginia City.<\/p>\n \u201cThat\u2019s a bad knock you took.\u201d His gentle face crinkled in concern. \u201cAnd you don\u2019t look too steady there.\u201d<\/p>\n Adam must have been feeling worse than he was prepared to admit because he didn\u2019t argue after that, lying back with his injured head propped against the pillows Hoss arranged behind him, drinking Hop Sing\u2019s tea, and finally drifting into a restless doze. Hoss had stayed close, alarmed by his older brother\u2019s pallor, and desperately anxious about Pa and Joe. Then he\u2019d heard Pa ride out. That had been over three hours ago.<\/p>\n \u201cAdam, Pa\u2019s back.\u201d<\/p>\n Adam stirred and opened his eyes. He levered himself upright and swung his legs to the floor, rubbing his face with his hands as the door opened and Pa walked into the room. He acknowledged them both with a curt nod. Hoss saw how his eyes trailed over the rest of the room and up the stairs.<\/p>\n \u201cJoe?\u201d he asked. Hoss shook his head.<\/p>\n Pa looked terrible, like a man who hadn\u2019t slept for several days. His eyes were swollen and his face mottled and drawn.<\/p>\n \u201cCan I get you anything, Pa?\u201d<\/p>\n Pa sank down in his chair by the fireplace and laid something on the table in front of him. Hoss stared at it in surprise. It was a drawing of two faces, unmistakable likenesses; Marie and Joe. Somehow it was a shock to see them together like that. There was an envelope too, addressed to Sophie Leclerq.<\/p>\n \u201cA brandy please, Hoss.\u201d<\/p>\n Pa had to be feeling bad, Hoss decided. Brandy at four o\u2019clock in the afternoon!<\/p>\n \u201cLooks like the two of you could do with one, as well.\u201d<\/p>\n Adam made to get up from the sofa. \u201cNot for me, thanks. I ought to get back to town.\u201d<\/p>\n Pa held up a hand. \u201cNo, don\u2019t go. Not yet. There\u2019s something I need to say to you both.\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss poured brandy. \u201cWe were worried about you, Pa.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI went for a ride. Over to the lake.\u201d<\/p>\n Adam sipped his drink and said nothing. Hoss could see his eyes too were held by those drawings and that envelope. Pa put out his fingers and touched them lightly. \u201cI found these in Joe\u2019s saddlebag. I think it\u2019s obvious where they came from. Did you know he\u2019d been to see her?\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss stared down at the rug, his face working unhappily. \u201cPa…\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019s all right, Hoss. I should have known he\u2019d find a way.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m sorry, Pa. I tried to stop him.\u201d<\/p>\n Pa gave a slow nod.<\/p>\n There was something wrong, Hoss thought to himself, something very wrong. Pa wasn\u2019t his usual assured self. He looked stooped and scared and vulnerable.<\/p>\n \u201cThere\u2019s something I have to tell you about Sophie,\u201d he said, \u201cand it\u2019s very difficult for me to say it.\u201d<\/p>\n They waited. Pa\u2019s face tensed as if he were in pain but still he did not say whatever it was that needed saying. He stared at the arm of the chair and muscles twitched in his face, but no words came. The ticking of the clock by the door seemed unnaturally loud. Hoss flicked a worried glance at Adam and saw his older brother\u2019s mouth tighten. And then, finally, it was Adam who broke the silence.<\/p>\n \u201cYou had an affair with her, didn\u2019t you?\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss felt a rush of horror, mixed with admiration for Adam\u2019s forthright boldness. For an instant, Pa looked as if he\u2019d been stabbed.<\/p>\n \u201cShe told you?\u201d<\/p>\n Adam sighed and shook his head. \u201cNo, she didn\u2019t. She didn\u2019t need to. Come on, Pa, it\u2019s obvious something\u2019s been eating at you.\u201d<\/p>\n There was another moment of heavy silence. Hoss\u2019s insides squirmed. It was hard to look at Pa, and he wasn\u2019t meeting their eyes.<\/p>\n \u201cDo you want to talk about it?\u201d asked Adam.<\/p>\n Pa hesitated. \u201cI think… I think you ought to know the truth about Sophie Leclerq… and about me.\u201d He picked up his brandy and drained the glass in one mouthful. Hoss made a move to fetch a refill, but Pa shook his head. \u201cNo, brandy won\u2019t solve this. Sit down, boy.\u201d<\/p>\n He leaned forward in his chair and picked up the letter, gazing at it in silence.<\/p>\n \u201cI knew Marie was special the instant I laid eyes on her. There were people who said we weren\u2019t right for each other, that she\u2019d never be happy out here, but that wasn\u2019t true. She was<\/em> happy. You know that, don\u2019t you?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYeah, Pa.\u201d Hoss nodded with vigor. Adam murmured a more restrained acknowledgement.<\/p>\n \u201cI met Sophie very soon after I met Marie. They were such close friends, I couldn\u2019t avoid it. They\u2019d grown up together, like sisters, as close as you boys are together. Marie loved her dearly. So dearly she didn\u2019t see the faults in her. Or if she did, she was too loyal to acknowledge them.<\/p>\n \u201cThe truth is, Sophie was a bad influence on Marie.\u201d Pa paused and raised his eyes. \u201cYou know I don\u2019t like to talk about Marie\u2019s past. What her life was like before I met her was no fault of her own and certainly never changed how I felt about her. It wasn\u2019t the life she wanted, and it wasn\u2019t who she really was. But that wasn\u2019t the same for Sophie. I even think things might have been different for Marie if they hadn\u2019t been such good friends. While Marie wanted something more for herself, something respectable, Sophie did not. In fact, I\u2019d go so far as to say she reveled in her lifestyle. \u2018Courtesan\u2019, she called herself. She even joked about it. Said it had class and distinction!<\/p>\n \u201cShe was jealous of Marie too. At least, she was jealous of her relationship with me. When Marie told her we were engaged to be married, she flew into a rage and accused Marie of betraying her. Poor Marie was distraught. They argued for days. Marie even begged me to bring Sophie out here with her. But I wanted to get Marie away from her. I could see the damage Sophie\u2019s influence was having, and…\u201d Pa hesitated, shaking his head and closing his eyes, \u201cwell, how could I tell her the other reason for leaving Sophie behind?\u201d<\/p>\n He rose, turning his back on Hoss and Adam, and fixing his eyes on the grey hearth.<\/p>\n Hoss fidgeted uncomfortably in his chair. \u201cYou don\u2019t have to tell us any more if you don\u2019t want to, Pa.\u201d<\/p>\n Pa didn\u2019t move. He spoke down to the cold grate. \u201cNo, you need to know the whole story. It\u2019s important. You were right, Adam. I did fall for her. In spite of everything! There was just\u2026 something about her. I was a fool. The worst kind of fool, because I knew what she was like!<\/p>\n \u201cWhen Marie first introduced me to Sophie, I took them both out to dinner, and then I walked them home. Sophie lived further out, so I took Marie home first. When we got to Sophie\u2019s lodgings, she asked me if I would come in with her, light the lamps. She told me she was afraid of the dark. We\u2019d had a good evening; I\u2019d drunk too much wine. And I knew. In my heart, I knew. But I let her persuade me, anyway.\u201d Pa ran a hand over his face and groaned. \u201cAnd after that first time\u2026\u201d Pa shook his head as if he would shake himself free of the memories. \u201cI knew it was wrong. I knew it then and I know it now, but\u2026 well, it happened and I can\u2019t change it.\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss became aware that his breathing had quickened. A heavy lump was forming somewhere in the pit of his stomach. But Pa hadn\u2019t finished.<\/p>\n \u201cBut when Marie and I became engaged to be married, Sophie was furious with me. She said if I took Marie away from her, she would tell her what had been going on; make sure our marriage was ruined. I tried to appeal to her better nature, make her see how selfish she was being about Marie\u2019s happiness. But at the same time, I made it plain I would not bring her back here with us.\u201d<\/p>\n Pa picked up the iron poker and stabbed at the dead logs in the fireplace. \u201cSo she carried out her threat. She told Marie.\u201d<\/p>\n He stopped speaking again and the only sound for a long moment was the clunk of the poker against wood. Hoss shifted again in his seat. Adam stared hard into his brandy glass. Pa stirred. Dropping the poker back in its rest, he turned to face his two sons, crossing his arms over his broad chest.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat I\u2019d already done was unforgiveable. What I did next…\u201d He shook his head and drew another long breath. \u201cWhat I did next was even worse. Marie came to me in tears, and asked me if it was true. I\u2026 I told her Sophie was lying. I said she was jealous. I told her nothing had happened.\u201d<\/p>\n A terrible silence descended. Hoss could not have spoken if he\u2019d tried. If Pa had taken a knife and stabbed him in the belly, he could not have been more stunned. Even Adam, who normally found words when others failed, was struck dumb. It wasn\u2019t Pa\u2019s admission that he\u2019d had an affair with another woman, as shocking as that had been; it was the knowledge that Pa – their unflinchingly principled and upright father – had lied to cover his actions. It was long minutes before any of them could find their voices.<\/p>\n \u201cDid Marie… did she ever find out the truth?\u201d asked Adam, and Hoss wondered at the strength it took to meet Pa’s eyes as he spoke.<\/p>\n Pa\u2019s head seemed to shrink into his shoulders. His voice was rough and hoarse. \u201cThere was so much for her to deal with. Coming here, meeting you boys, the house, the ranch. And then we found out Joe was on the way, and she seemed so… so happy.\u201d His voice broke on the last word and he had to swallow hard before he could continue. \u201cI did try to tell her, once. I knew I couldn\u2019t carry on lying to her. She… she refused to hear me out. She said that I loved her in spite of everything she\u2019d done and there was nothing I could do that would keep her from loving me.\u201d<\/p>\n His deep voice caught. He swung around again to face the mantelpiece.<\/p>\n The silence felt endless. Once again it was Adam who recovered first.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat about Sophie?\u201d<\/p>\n Pa was struggling but he\u2019d managed to regain some control over his voice.<\/p>\n \u201cThat was difficult. Especially for Marie. When we left New Orleans, Sophie was still refusing to talk to her. I guess I was hoping their acquaintance would just fizzle out. But they\u2019d been so close for so long. Marie wrote several letters before Sophie relented and wrote back. I imagined they\u2019d put their differences behind them.\u201d<\/p>\n Pa lifted his head and blew out a long breath. \u201cWhen Marie died, I wrote to Sophie, out of courtesy, to let her know.\u201d His voice threatened to break again. \u201cShe wrote back. A terrible letter! She said that she blamed me for Marie\u2019s death; that if Marie had stayed in New Orleans, she would have been alive and happy still. That I\u2019d never deserved her and that her death was my punishment.\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss swallowed hard. \u201cThey were terrible things to say, Pa, but they weren\u2019t true. You must know that.<\/p>\n \u201cAt the time, they felt like they were, Hoss.\u201d<\/p>\n Adam moistened his lips and shook his head. \u201cPeople say things they don\u2019t mean when they\u2019re upset.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOh, she meant it, Adam, she meant it!\u00a0 She told me I\u2019d ruined her happiness by stealing away the only person she\u2019d ever really cared for, and then letting her die. And she said she only hoped that one day she would be able to make me as lonely and miserable as I had made her.\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss fixed troubled eyes on Pa. \u201cAnd you think that\u2019s why she\u2019s here?\u201d<\/p>\n Adam shifted impatiently in his seat. \u201cOh, that\u2019s ridiculous! That was twenty years ago. She\u2019s been happily married since then. And she has Amelia now. Amelia\u2019s like a daughter to her. She\u2019s changed, Pa. Hasn\u2019t it occurred to you that maybe she feels as bad about what happened as you do?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI wish I could think that, Adam.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou haven\u2019t given her a chance yet.\u00a0 Maybe you should just try talking to her.\u201d<\/p>\n Pa was quiet for a long moment. Then he shook his head and his voice sounded bitter and weary. \u201cI think she\u2019s come here to do precisely what she threatened to do twenty years ago. Steal from me the things I love most. The way she believes I did to her.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo.\u201d Adam got up from his seat, rubbing an agitated hand across the back of his neck. \u201cI think you\u2019re wrong.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhat better revenge than taking my sons away from me?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cShe\u2019s not taking me anywhere, Pa. All right, so I\u2019ve moved into town for a while, but I\u2019m thirty years old, for heaven\u2019s sake! It was always on the cards that one day I\u2019d want to get married, move out, do things my own way.\u201d Adam stopped, as if he was aware that his protest sounded hollow.<\/p>\n Pa\u2019s voice was very quiet. \u201cSo, what about Joe?\u201d<\/p>\n Adam looked at Hoss for help. \u201cHe\u2019ll get over it. He\u2019s just infatuated. You know what he\u2019s like when it comes to Marie.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHas she told him any of this?\u201d<\/p>\n Adam frowned and shook his head in bafflement. \u201cWhy would she want to hurt him like that? He’s Marie’s son. I believe she’s genuinely fond of him, even if he’s got that confused in his mind with something else. After all, why wouldn\u2019t she have said it to me, if discrediting you was her reason for being here?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cShe\u2019s cleverer than that, Adam. Can\u2019t you see that? She\u2019s already managed to drive us apart.\u201d<\/p>\n Adam\u2019s mouth twitched with annoyance. \u201cWith all due respect, Pa, that wasn\u2019t entirely her doing.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThen why was Joe trying to throttle you this morning?\u201d<\/p>\n Adam glared, jaw clenched tight. \u201cI don\u2019t know. Who knows what goes on in that boy\u2019s head? He\u2019s just got the wrong end of the stick, that\u2019s all.\u201d He lifted a hand to his injured head and squeezed his eyes tight shut, muttering something under his breath.<\/p>\n Hoss put out his hand and gripped Adam\u2019s elbow. \u201cTake it easy, brother.\u201d<\/p>\n Anxiety rumpled Pa\u2019s face. \u201cAdam? Are you all right? Hoss, go for the doctor.\u201d<\/p>\n Adam held up a hand. \u201cNo Pa. I\u2019ll be fine. Don\u2019t fuss. My head aches, that\u2019s all. I might just lie down on my own bed for a while, if that\u2019s all right with you. I need some time to think.\u201d<\/p>\n Pa gave a relieved nod. \u201cThat sounds like a good idea. We could all do with some time to think.\u201d Pa\u2019s eyes followed Adam as he climbed the stairs with heavy steps.<\/p>\n \u201cIs he all right, do you think?\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss shook his head. \u201cI don\u2019t think it\u2019s just that knock on the head that\u2019s bothering him.\u201d<\/p>\n Pa sank down into his chair.<\/p>\n Hoss sat down too. \u201cAre you<\/em> all right, Pa?\u201d<\/p>\n Pa rubbed his face with his hands and breathed a weary sigh. \u201cI should have told you all this a long time ago. A lie never goes away, no matter how much you try and pretend. I don\u2019t expect forgiveness.\u00a0 All the times I\u2019ve preached to the three of you about the importance of honesty.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWe\u2019ve all done our share of lying. That don\u2019t make what you taught us any less true. It just means we\u2019re human. This may come as a surprise to you, Pa, but we actually stopped believing you were perfect some years back, you know!\u201d<\/p>\n Pa gave a little laugh then, but it was a frightening sound because it turned to a moan of despair that made his shoulders quiver.<\/p>\n \u201cYou\u2019re the wisest of us all, Hoss. And the only one who hasn\u2019t fallen for Sophie\u2019s witchery.\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss gave a dry, humorless laugh. \u201cThat ain\u2019t true.\u00a0 I wish it was. If she had spared me a second glance that night she came here to dinner\u2026 well, things might have been different. But, you know how it is; women don\u2019t never look at me the way they look at Adam and Joe. No, I ain\u2019t feelin\u2019 sorry for myself, Pa. God made us the way we are for a reason, I reckon, and right now, I\u2019m plumb glad he made me just the way I am. I don\u2019t ever want to see Little Joe looking at me the way he looked at Adam today.\u201d \u00a0Hoss shook his head and blew out his cheeks. \u201cRight then, Pa, I knew you were right. About Sophie. Someone who can turn a brother on a brother like that sure can\u2019t be meaning any good! If she\u2019s gonna marry Adam, why\u2019s she making Little Joe believe she has feelings for him too?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cShe\u2019s playing them off against each other. Like she did with me and Marie. But it’s my fault. If I hadn\u2019t tried to keep the past a secret, she\u2019d have no hold over us. It\u2019s time to end it, one way or the other. Tomorrow, I\u2019m going into town to talk to Sophie. And I’ll find Joe and tell him the truth about what happened in New Orleans.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou sure that\u2019s a good idea?\u201d Hoss pulled a face as he imagined his younger brother\u2019s reaction to Pa\u2019s confession. \u201cYou know what Joe\u2019s like. His feelings are running pretty high right now. Maybe it\u2019d be better to wait until all this has blown over.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cIf I don\u2019t tell him, she will. I know she will. If I stand any chance of forgiveness from Joe, he needs to hear it from me, not her.\u201d<\/p>\n 10<\/strong><\/p>\n \u201cLook,\u201d said Sophie. \u201cWhat do you think?\u201d<\/p>\n Amelia was curled in her usual position, on the cushioned window seat. The house they had rented was large and comfortable, with big windows overlooking the edge of town. \u00a0Amelia lifted her head from the book she was reading as Sophie appeared at the bottom of the stairs, a deep cream silk gown in her arms.\u00a0 She held it up, rustling, so Amelia could see how it looked against her.<\/p>\n \u201cI thought it would do for the wedding.\u201d<\/p>\n Amelia nodded, her face unmoved.\u00a0 \u201cIt\u2019s very nice,\u201d she said, without feeling.<\/p>\n \u201cOh, Amelia!\u201d\u00a0 Sophie gave a frown that was half irritated, half amused.\u00a0 \u201cYou could at least pretend<\/em> to be interested.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOh, I am interested.\u201d\u00a0 Amelia put down the book on the cushion beside her and looked more intently at the dress.\u00a0 \u201cYes, it\u2019s very pretty.\u00a0 It has lovely layering.\u00a0 I think it will do very nicely.\u00a0 Adam will adore you in that.\u201d<\/p>\n Sophie grinned.\u00a0 \u201cThat\u2019s the idea.\u00a0 Oh, come on, Amelia, cheer up!\u00a0 How about we go out and choose you a new dress for the wedding too?\u00a0 That draper in town has some fabulous new silks, and there\u2019s time to get something made up for you.\u201d<\/p>\n Amelia pulled a face.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019d rather wear an old frock and just get the wedding out of the way sooner.\u00a0 Why do we have to wait a whole month?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019s Adam.\u201d\u00a0 Sophie wrinkled her nose and sighed. \u201cHe seems to think it\u2019s more respectable.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cCan\u2019t you persuade him to move it forward?\u00a0 The sooner we can get out of this god-forsaken hole, the better.\u201d<\/p>\n Sophie sat down on the window seat beside her friend, the cream silk spread across her lap.\u00a0 \u201cYou really hate it that much?\u00a0 Even now we have the bookshop?\u201d<\/p>\n Amelia looked at her and sighed.\u00a0 \u201cI am<\/em> trying, Sophie.\u00a0 Really.\u00a0 It\u2019s just so\u2026 rough and dirty!\u00a0 All those drunken miners and those loud-mouthed cowpokes!\u00a0 I dread even walking down the street.\u00a0 You said we could go to Boston.\u00a0 Adam could come with us once you\u2019re married.\u00a0 He\u2019s talked about Boston often enough.\u201d<\/p>\n Sophie stroked the fine lace on the sleeve of the cream dress while she considered. \u201cAll right,\u201d she conceded.\u00a0 \u201cOnce we\u2019re married.\u00a0 But not straight away.\u00a0 We have to be here long enough to parade our wedded bliss beneath Ben\u2019s nose.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHow long?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cA few months?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cA few months!\u201d\u00a0 Amelia heaved a heavy sigh and turned her face to stare out of the window.\u00a0 \u201cAnd when are you going to deal with Little Joe?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cLittle Joe?\u00a0 What do you mean?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou know full well what I mean!\u00a0 You haven\u2019t told him about his pa yet, have you?\u00a0 When are you going to tell him?\u201d<\/p>\n Sophie rolled a pearl button between her fingers. She could feel Amelia\u2019s eyes boring into her, waiting for the answer.<\/p>\n \u201cYou\u2019re not going to, are you?\u201d\u00a0 There was no mistaking the accusation in Amelia\u2019s tone.<\/p>\n \u201cI will.\u201d Sophie\u2019s voice sounded unconvincing even to her own ears.<\/p>\n \u201cI warned you this would happen, Sophie, if you let yourself get involved.\u00a0 I thought you wanted to destroy Ben Cartwright.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI do!\u00a0 I do.\u00a0 And I will tell him.\u00a0 It\u2019s just\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhat?\u201d<\/p>\n Sophie shook her head despairingly.\u00a0 \u201cIt\u2019s just\u2026 Marie was my best friend.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cSophie!\u00a0 Little Joe isn\u2019t<\/em> Marie.\u00a0 He\u2019s just her son.\u00a0 The child that should have been yours, remember?\u00a0 Ben Cartwright should have been yours, not hers!\u00a0 You said so yourself.\u00a0 You shouldn\u2019t love<\/em> Little Joe, you should despise<\/em> him!\u201d<\/p>\n Sophie was silent for a long moment while she continued to fiddle with the dress on her lap. \u00a0Finally she nodded her head.\u00a0 \u201cYou\u2019re right.\u201d\u00a0 At last her voice held purpose.\u00a0 Rising to her feet, she leaned over and kissed her friend\u2019s forehead.\u00a0 \u201cWhat would I do without you, Amelia?\u201d<\/p>\n *******<\/p>\n Joe had thought the whiskey would make him feel better.\u00a0 Now, as he pushed his way out of the saloon doors and leaned his back against the wall to take some deep breaths, he realized he wasn\u2019t feeling better at all. He was feeling a whole lot worse.<\/p>\n The street dipped around him.\u00a0 The International House swayed like it was bending in the breeze.\u00a0 That was where Adam was staying.\u00a0 Joe shook his head.\u00a0 He wouldn\u2019t be booking a room there then!\u00a0 Untying Cochise from the hitching post, he threw his jacket across the saddle. Vaguely he registered that the sun was slipping behind the mountain.\u00a0 It was getting late.<\/p>\n The thought of Adam stirred him to move again.\u00a0 What if his older brother was even now standing at one of those windows, looking down and gloating?<\/p>\n Gloating.\u00a0 That was what Adam did!\u00a0 Joe pulled a face at the hotel windows. \u00a0Grabbing hold of his saddle, he made a concentrated effort to get his foot into the stirrup and haul himself over the horse\u2019s back.\u00a0 Adam had come back to the Ponderosa just to gloat; just to make Joe feel small and stupid.\u00a0 Thinking about it brought a hot lump of anger and humiliation to Joe\u2019s throat.<\/p>\n Now he had made it into the saddle, he needed to decide where to go.\u00a0 Not back home, that was for sure!\u00a0 It was annoying that he had left his gear behind.\u00a0 That had been Adam\u2019s fault as well.\u00a0 Now he would just have to manage without it.<\/p>\n Nor would he go and see Sophie.\u00a0 She had betrayed him, made a fool of him, and he would not give her the satisfaction of doing that again.\u00a0 He had reminded himself of that fact each time he poured another whiskey into his glass.\u00a0 Yet with every mouthful, he had seen her more clearly; her knowing eyes, teasing smile, milky smooth skin.\u00a0 His belly quivered to remember the taste of her mouth, the touch of her hands, the soft undulations of her warm flesh beneath his fingers.\u00a0 Even now, as he reminded himself yet again how she had hurt him, he was turning his horse\u2019s head in the direction of her house.<\/p>\n Amelia opened the door to him.\u00a0 Strange, sharp-eyed, sharp-tongued Amelia.\u00a0 Joe didn\u2019t care much for Amelia and he was pretty certain Amelia didn\u2019t think much of him.\u00a0 She looked at him with something akin to disdain as he stood on the porch step, swaying very slightly.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019d like to speak to Sophie,\u201d he told her, with as much dignity as he could muster.<\/p>\n \u201cYou\u2019re drunk!\u201d \u00a0She made no attempt to disguise her disgust, and her black eyes narrowed.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019ve been drinking; I\u2019m not drunk.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhat do you want?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI want to come in.\u00a0 I want to speak to Sophie.\u201d<\/p>\n Amelia didn\u2019t move.\u00a0 Her hard, unforgiving eyes could outstare an owl.<\/p>\n \u201cMay I come in?\u201d<\/p>\n Still she didn\u2019t move.\u00a0 \u201cWe were talking about you just now.\u201d\u00a0 A secretive smile played about the corners of her mouth.\u00a0 Somehow it had the effect of making Joe\u2019s insides shrivel.<\/p>\n \u201cOh yes?\u201d\u2019 he said, as if he didn\u2019t care.<\/p>\n \u201cDo you want to know why Sophie and your father fell out with each other?\u201d<\/p>\n Joe frowned.\u00a0 \u201cWhat are you talking about?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAsk her.\u00a0 Ask her what happened twenty years ago.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAmelia!\u201d\u00a0 Sophie\u2019s voice broke sharply into Joe\u2019s train of thought.\u00a0 To Joe\u2019s fogged brain it looked like she was descending the stairs through a rippling haze. \u201cLet Little Joe in.\u00a0 Don\u2019t keep him standing on the step.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHe\u2019s drunk,\u201d said Amelia, coldly.\u00a0 \u201cYou know I don\u2019t approve of drunkenness.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThen perhaps you should go into the kitchen and make some coffee.\u201d<\/p>\n Amelia gave Joe one last, hard glowering stare and turned her back on him.\u00a0 \u201cTell him!\u201d she muttered as she brushed past Sophie.<\/p>\n \u201cTell me what?\u201d<\/p>\n The look of annoyance that passed fleetingly across Sophie\u2019s face was quickly replaced by a smile.\u00a0 She had on her russet gown, the one that seemed to have been designed to draw attention to the generous mounds of her breasts and the tempting hollow between them.\u00a0 \u201cCome on in, Little Joe.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cIf it\u2019s about you and Adam\u2026\u201d Joe began, unable to keep the bitterness out of his voice.\u00a0 He followed her into the room, only then remembering to remove his hat.<\/p>\n \u201cOh, that,\u201d said Sophie.\u00a0 \u201cHe told you then?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYeah, he told me.\u201d\u00a0 Joe hovered in the middle of the room, suddenly wishing he had stuck to his resolve not to come.\u00a0\u00a0 Already he felt foolish and he\u2019d barely begun the conversation.\u00a0 \u201cIt\u2019s true then?\u00a0 You\u2019re going to marry him?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n He waited for her to say more, but she just stood quietly, facing him, her mouth fixed in that pleasant smile, as though they were discussing nothing more consequential than the price of flour.<\/p>\n \u201cThanks for telling me.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHe only asked me yesterday.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe stared at his hat for a few moments, catching the familiar scent of jasmine that lingered on her skin.\u00a0 \u201cAnd if I\u2019d have asked you?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOh, Little Joe!\u201d<\/p>\n Never had he hated his nickname so much!\u00a0 He swallowed hard and flushed hotly.\u00a0 Adam had been right.\u00a0 She felt sorry for him.\u00a0 \u201cForget it!\u201d he muttered.\u00a0 \u201cForget I even said that.\u201d He pushed his hat onto his head and turned for the door.\u00a0 A thought struck him and he turned back.\u00a0 She was standing very still, regarding him almost sadly, her lips curved slightly in that meaningless smile.\u00a0 Even so, she was achingly beautiful.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat did Amelia mean?\u00a0 What did happen between you and my pa?\u201d<\/p>\n She didn\u2019t answer straight away, but the smile faded from her face and her eyes grew cautious.\u00a0 \u201cJust go home, Little Joe.\u00a0 This was all a big mistake.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhat do you mean?\u00a0 Just tell me.\u201d<\/p>\n She shook her head.\u00a0 \u201cIt\u2019s not important.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cIt was important enough to bring you all the way out here. Tell me.\u201d<\/p>\n She made a purposeful move towards the door.\u00a0 He grabbed her arm as she passed him and held her firmly.\u00a0 \u201cSophie?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cGo home!\u201d she repeated, and tugged her arm in an attempt to free herself from his grasp.<\/p>\n \u201cI want to know!\u201d<\/p>\n She pulled harder.\u00a0 He reached out and caught her other arm.<\/p>\n \u201cLet me go, Joe!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNot until you answer me.\u00a0 You owe me something, dammit!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI owe you<\/em>!\u2019\u00a0 She gave a harsh, bitter laugh.\u00a0 \u2018Why do I owe you?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou said you loved me!\u201d\u00a0 He wished he hadn\u2019t drunk so much.\u00a0 It was hard to keep the tears out of his voice and he was damned if he was going to let her know how much she had hurt him!<\/p>\n “You\u2019ve had too much to drink.\u00a0 Just go home.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cSophie, please!\u201d \u00a0His head was reeling.\u00a0 He wasn\u2019t certain any more what he was asking her, or even why he was holding her so tightly.<\/p>\n \u201cLet me go!\u00a0 You\u2019re hurting me!\u201d<\/p>\n He knew he was.\u00a0 He had her wrists clamped hard between his fingers.\u00a0 Harder than was right, but whiskey and anger were a heady mixture.<\/p>\n \u201cJoe, stop it and go home.\u00a0 Before we both do or say something we\u2019ll regret.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI thought we\u2019d already done that!\u201d\u00a0 He forced her back against the wall so she wouldn\u2019t struggle so hard. He was close up against her now, breathing hard, their faces mere inches apart.<\/p>\n \u201cWhy did you say it if you didn\u2019t mean it?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou don\u2019t understand.\u00a0 I made a mistake.\u00a0 A big mistake.\u00a0 Go home before it gets any worse.\u00a0 Please Joe, let go of me!\u201d<\/p>\n She twisted hard to try and free herself.\u00a0 He leant his weight against her to prevent her escape, tears of drunken desperation prickling at his eyes. \u00a0Her face was pink and flustered and there were fiery sparks in her eyes.\u00a0 Pressed up against her, he wanted her more than ever.<\/p>\n \u201cLet me go, Joe!\u00a0 Let me go!\u201d<\/p>\n Out of nowhere, a dizzying pressure slammed into his left shoulder.\u00a0 He gasped aloud and let go of Sophie as the sensation hit him again, lower in his back.\u00a0 He took an unsteady step sideways, the room lurching wildly around him.\u00a0 Amelia\u2019s face swam into view, her dark eyes flashing with hatred as the blade of the knife in her hand plunged towards him for the third time and sank itself deep into the flesh of his upper arm.<\/p>\n The room spun faster.\u00a0 For some inexplicable reason, it was hard to catch his breath.\u00a0 All he could focus on was the handle of the kitchen knife protruding incongruously from his arm.\u00a0 He could feel the blade embedded deep into the muscle.\u00a0 Sharp and pulsing pain in his back snatched at his breath.\u00a0 He dropped to his knees.\u00a0 He couldn\u2019t help it; his legs had turned to water.\u00a0 Even his knees could no longer hold him.\u00a0 Sinking down, he let the wall take his weight.<\/p>\n 11<\/strong><\/p>\n \u201cJoe!\u00a0 Little Joe, are you all right? \u00a0Amelia!\u00a0 Oh God, Amelia, what have you done?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHe was drunk.\u201d Amelia\u2019s voice was low and expressionless.\u00a0 \u201cHe was trying to hurt you.\u00a0 I had to stop him.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou didn\u2019t need to stab him!\u00a0 I could have dealt with him.\u201d<\/p>\n Horror ran like a freezing chill through Sophie\u2019s body.\u00a0 Joe\u2019s eyes were still open, staring with dazed disbelief at the knife embedded in his arm. Blood smeared the wall behind him where his body had slumped.<\/p>\n \u201cWe need to do something!\u201d\u00a0 Sophie\u2019s heart was pounding so hard, it was difficult even to get the words out.\u00a0 \u201cAmelia, get the doctor.\u00a0 We need to stop this bleeding.\u00a0 We need towels!\u201d\u00a0 Sophie made for the kitchen, but Amelia was still standing where she\u2019d left her, her face fixed and blank, looking down at Joe with impassive eyes.\u00a0 \u201cAmelia, go and get the doctor!\u201d<\/p>\n Amelia lifted her face.\u00a0 \u201cWe can\u2019t.\u00a0 If we get the doctor, he\u2019ll know how this happened.\u00a0\u00a0 I\u2019ll go to prison.\u201d\u00a0 She looked back down at Joe and pursed her mouth.\u00a0 \u201cIf he dies, they might even hang me.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhat are we going to do then?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cGet something to clean up the blood,\u201d said Amelia, coldly practical.\u00a0 \u201cWe\u2019ll never explain all this mess to Mrs. Riley when she comes tomorrow otherwise.\u201d<\/p>\n Sophie ran to the kitchen and scrambled frantically in the drawers, pulling out all the towels she could find.\u00a0 Breathless, she fell on her knees by Joe\u2019s side.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat do we do about that?\u201d she whispered, nodding with dread at the protruding knife handle.\u00a0 Joe\u2019s eyes flicked to her face, pained and desperate.<\/p>\n \u201cWe pull it out.\u201d\u00a0 Amelia braced one hand against Joe\u2019s arm.\u00a0 Grasping the knife with the other hand, she gave a determined tug.\u00a0 Joe drew a wavering gasp as the blade slid free of his flesh and a bright gush of blood broke from the wound.<\/p>\n \u201cDamn!\u00a0 Damn!\u201d\u00a0 Sophie felt tears of panic blurring her vision as she tried to staunch the flow with a towel.\u00a0 \u201cJoe, we have to lie you down.\u00a0 I need to look at your back.\u00a0 Amelia, help me.\u201d<\/p>\n Together they maneuvered Joe onto his side.\u00a0 The back of his shirt clung to his skin, soaked through with crimson wetness.\u00a0 Amelia brought the dressmaking scissors from the workbox and they cut away the fabric.<\/p>\n \u201cWe need something more.\u201d\u00a0 Sophie nodded at the stairs.\u00a0 \u201cGet a couple of sheets, Amelia.\u00a0 We have to stop this blood.\u201d<\/p>\n Sophie leaned down to look at Joe\u2019s face again.\u00a0 His eyes were still open and staring, but his focus was glazed, and when she spoke to him, he barely responded with a flicker of recognition.<\/p>\n *******<\/p>\n \u201cWhat are we going to do?\u201d\u00a0 The brandy Amelia had brought for her had helped, but Sophie\u2019s voice was still shaky.<\/p>\n Joe lay on the floor in a makeshift nest of bloodstained linen.\u00a0 Somewhere along the way, he had finally lost consciousness, but at least they seemed to have staunched the worst of the bleeding.<\/p>\n \u201cWe have to get rid of him.\u201d<\/p>\n Sophie looked with disbelief at her friend.\u00a0 \u201cGet rid of him?\u00a0 How?\u201d<\/p>\n Amelia set her jaw.\u00a0 \u201cWe have to get him out of here.\u00a0 Dump him somewhere.\u00a0 Get this place cleaned up.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHow are we going to do that?\u201d<\/p>\n Amelia\u2019s dark eyes traveled around the room as she thought, and came to rest again on Joe.<\/p>\n \u201cHelp me get his clothes off.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHis clothes?\u00a0 Why?\u00a0 What…?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cJust help me, Sophie.\u00a0 Where\u2019s his jacket?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI don\u2019t know.\u00a0 He wasn\u2019t wearing it.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019ll check his horse.\u00a0 See if it\u2019s there.\u201d\u00a0 Amelia made for the door.<\/p>\n \u201cAmelia, what are you doing?\u201d<\/p>\n Amelia paused by the door.\u00a0 \u201cListen.\u00a0 People saw him ride here, didn\u2019t they?\u00a0 His horse has been outside our house for the last hour or more.\u00a0 If they don\u2019t see him ride away again, they\u2019re going to know something happened to him here.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cRide away again?\u201d\u00a0 Sophie\u2019s stunned mind struggled to grasp her companion\u2019s meaning.\u00a0 \u201cHow can he ride away again?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHe won\u2019t.\u00a0 I\u2019ll put on his clothes and take his horse well out of town and turn him loose.\u00a0 That way, everyone will assume something happened to him on his way back from Virginia City.\u201d<\/p>\n Sophie hadn\u2019t moved when Amelia came back inside, Joe\u2019s jacket over her arm.<\/p>\n \u201cDon\u2019t just stand there, Sophie.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI can\u2019t do this.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cListen, you wanted to get your own back on Ben Cartwright, didn\u2019t you?\u00a0 Well, what better way than this\u201d Amelia dropped to the floor and tugged at Joe\u2019s boot.<\/p>\n \u201cI didn\u2019t mean for anyone to get killed!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHe\u2019s not dead yet, is he?\u00a0 Sophie, help me!\u201d<\/p>\n Sophie\u2019s hands were shaking so violently, she was not sure how much help she would be, but somehow they got Joe\u2019s clothes off his unconscious body and Sophie helped Amelia out of her own dress and into Joe\u2019s pants and jacket.\u00a0 Amelia wrinkled her nose in distaste at the blood that had soaked into the waist of the pants.<\/p>\n \u201cBut nobody will notice once I\u2019m in the saddle,\u201d she assured Sophie.\u00a0 \u201cIt\u2019s dark out there now anyway.\u201d<\/p>\n She picked up Joe\u2019s gun belt and strapped it clumsily around her middle.\u00a0 Sophie fastened the jacket for her and pulled the collar high around her neck. Then she twisted Amelia\u2019s hair into a knot on top of her head and jammed Joe\u2019s hat down over it.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat do you think?\u201d<\/p>\n Sophie felt sick.\u00a0 \u201cAs long as no one stops you.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019ll ride fast.\u201d<\/p>\n Amelia crouched down and tore a long strip from one of the sheets she\u2019d brought from the bedroom.<\/p>\n \u201cTie his feet,\u201d she ordered, thrusting the fabric at Sophie.<\/p>\n \u201cHis feet?\u00a0 Why?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cIn case he wakes up, stupid!\u00a0 You\u2019ll be here on your own with him.\u201d\u00a0 Amelia ripped off another length of cotton, struggling to get Joe\u2019s arms behind his back so she could bind his wrists.\u00a0 Blood seeped afresh.\u00a0 Sophie looked pale enough to faint.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat am I supposed to do while you\u2019re gone?\u201d<\/p>\n Amelia rose to her feet and adjusted her hat.\u00a0 \u201cClean up for a start!\u201d<\/p>\n The two women stood face to face for a long moment, then Sophie reached out embraced the younger girl with a fervency born of fear and desperation.<\/p>\n \u201cYou will be careful, Amelia?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou know I will.\u00a0 I\u2019ll be as quick as I can.\u201d<\/p>\n *******<\/p>\n How could Amelia be so calm?<\/p>\n Sophie knelt on the floor, a pail of water at her side, scrubbing hard at the stains on the wooden floorboards by the wall.\u00a0 Joe lay close, his eyes still shut.\u00a0 Every now and then, he shifted and moaned.\u00a0 Each time he moved, Sophie\u2019s belly contracted in a spasm of fear, although she couldn\u2019t have said exactly what it was that frightened her; whether she was scared he might wake up, or scared he might not.<\/p>\n The stains would not shift.\u00a0 No matter how hard she scrubbed with a brush or mopped with a cloth, they remained stubbornly visible.\u00a0 Her lips quivered, her body trembled, her face crumpled in an overwhelming rush of revulsion and self pity.\u00a0 She sank back on her heels and gave into the sobs that had been threatening to force their way out ever since she first saw the knife in Amelia\u2019s hand.<\/p>\n Amelia!\u00a0 What had the girl been thinking?<\/p>\n Drunk, of course, that\u2019s what she\u2019d been thinking.\u00a0 Joe\u2019s breath had been full of whiskey, his words slurring at the edges, his step fractionally off balance.\u00a0 She had answered the door to him and seen all the signs.\u00a0 Amelia despised drunken men.\u00a0 They brought back one overriding memory.<\/p>\n So when she had seen Joe, inebriated and angry, forcing her companion against the wall and hurting her, she had reacted. \u00a0Not out of fear.\u00a0 Amelia no longer felt fear; only anger and hatred.\u00a0 That was why she was so calm.\u00a0 No fear, no panic.<\/p>\n Sophie shuffled her back against the couch.\u00a0 Trembling, she drew her knees up to her chest and hugged them close as she wept.<\/p>\n *******<\/p>\n Amelia tossed Joe\u2019s jacket onto a chair and unbuckled the gun belt.<\/p>\n Sophie was hunched up like a terrified child, her face pale and puffy, her eyes red.\u00a0 For a fleeting moment, Amelia almost lost her patience.\u00a0 After all, she was the one who\u2019d just spent two hours covering their backs, getting rid of the horse and sneaking back through the dark into town.<\/p>\n But she was the strong one, she reminded herself.\u00a0 If Sophie was going to see this through, she was going to need Amelia\u2019s strength.<\/p>\n Once more attired in her own gown, Amelia lifted a jug of flowers that stood on top of a large box in the corner, set them aside, and pulled off the lace cloth that had been under the flowers.<\/p>\n \u201cWe\u2019ll put him in here.\u201d<\/p>\n It was Charles\u2019 luggage trunk, the one that had accompanied him on his travels and now followed Sophie on hers.\u00a0 Empty now, it was doing duty as a side table until its services should once more be required.<\/p>\n \u201cAnd tomorrow morning, first thing, I\u2019ll hire a buckboard and we\u2019ll take him out of town and dump him somewhere a long way from here.\u201d\u00a0 Amelia took hold of the brass handle on the side of the trunk and dragged it out from the wall and across the floor to where Joe lay.\u00a0 \u201cCome on, help me, Sophie.\u00a0 Put that sheet in the bottom to soak up any more blood.\u201d<\/p>\n Sophie moved slowly, like a woman in a daze.\u00a0 She picked up the sheet Amelia had indicated, and then stood motionless, clutching the fabric.\u00a0 Impatiently, Amelia snatched it from her and dumped it in the bottom of the trunk.<\/p>\n \u201cNow help me get him in.\u201d<\/p>\n Sophie turned her head to look at Joe.\u00a0 \u201cDo we have to?\u201d she whispered.<\/p>\n \u201cIf you have a better idea…\u201d<\/p>\n Sophie looked back at her friend with helplessness in her eyes.\u00a0 She gave a slow nod.\u00a0 \u201cAll right.\u201d<\/p>\n She took hold of Joe\u2019s legs beneath his knees while Amelia struggled to get a hold under his bound arms.\u00a0 As they lifted him, Joe\u2019s eyes opened and he gave a shaky moan.\u00a0 Sophie faltered. \u201cAmelia, I really don\u2019t think…\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cJust do it!\u201d<\/p>\n With an effort, Amelia hoisted Joe\u2019s torso over the lip of the trunk and dropped him in clumsily.\u00a0 He let out a loud cry of pain as his injured back caught on the side of the box.\u00a0 Blood oozed afresh.\u00a0 Amelia tightened her lips with annoyance.\u00a0 Snatching up the bloodied sheets and towels from the floor, she packed them around and over his doubled up body.\u00a0 He twisted his face to look at her, his skin grey in the lamplight.<\/p>\n \u201cWhy are you doing this?\u201d\u00a0 His voice was little more than a dry whisper.<\/p>\n Amelia gave him a cold smile.\u00a0 \u201cDon\u2019t you know, Joseph Cartwright?\u00a0 Shall I tell you?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAmelia, don\u2019t!\u201d\u00a0 Sophie\u2019s voice wavered.\u00a0 She sank down on the edge of a chair, shoulders drooped in defeat.<\/p>\n \u201cTwenty years ago, your father walked out on Sophie and stole her oldest and dearest friend away.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe stared at her, his pupils wide and dark.\u00a0 Sweat shimmered on his colorless skin.<\/p>\n Amelia perched on the edge of the trunk and leaned down to look hard into his eyes.\u00a0 \u201cYou see, Little Joe, while your father was engaged to be married to your mother, he was spending his nights in Sophie\u2019s bed.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe\u2019s brows drew down.\u00a0 He gave a weak shake of his head.\u00a0 Amelia chuckled.<\/p>\n \u201cOh, it\u2019s true, all right.\u00a0 Ben Cartwright, Nevada\u2019s paragon of virtue!\u00a0 And now it\u2019s his<\/em> turn to know how much it hurts to lose the people he loves the most!\u201d\u00a0 She stood up and reached for the lid of the trunk before she added, as an afterthought, \u201cOh, and if you\u2019re wondering about me, it\u2019s nothing personal.\u00a0 I just hate men.\u00a0 All men!\u00a0 You included.\u201d<\/p>\n She closed the lid, and snapped the clasps.\u00a0 The she sat down on the top of the trunk and regarded Sophie solemnly.<\/p>\n \u201cWe need to clear up.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI…I couldn\u2019t get the bloodstains out of the floor.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWe\u2019ll move the dresser that way.\u00a0 That\u2019ll cover it.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhat about Mrs. Riley?\u201d<\/p>\n Amelia blew out her lips with a scornful sound.\u00a0 \u201cShe won\u2019t notice if we move the dresser there.\u00a0 You said yourself she never cleans anything properly.\u201d\u00a0 She stood up and gathered Joe\u2019s clothes from the couch where she\u2019d abandoned them.\u00a0 \u201cWe need to get rid of these.\u201d<\/p>\n Sophie held out her arms to take them. \u201cThe stove.\u00a0 I\u2019ll burn them.\u201d<\/p>\n Amelia looked pleased, not simply at the suggestion, but because Sophie finally seemed to be rallying her wits again.\u00a0 She thrust the bundle of clothing into her friend\u2019s hands, but the gun she slipped from the holster and slid beneath a cushion.\u00a0 There was something she hadn\u2019t yet discussed with her traumatized friend.\u00a0 It would have to wait until tomorrow now.\u00a0 But Amelia knew, if Little Joe hadn\u2019t had the good sense to die by the morning, there would be only way to ensure his silence.<\/p>\n 12<\/strong><\/p>\n A noise in the yard woke Hoss from a troubled sleep.\u00a0 He lay still for a few seconds wondering what had disturbed him, then he heard it again.\u00a0 A rustling sound and a light jingle.<\/p>\n A faint pre-dawn glow had already begun to ease the darkness from the sky, enough that Hoss could pick out the dappled white and shadowy black patches of the animal below.<\/p>\n Joe!\u00a0 A wave of relief washed over Hoss.\u00a0 He pulled on his slippers and made for the door.<\/p>\n There was no sound from the room below.\u00a0 Hoss went quietly down the stairs but there was no movement in the shadowy gloom of the great room.\u00a0 \u201cJoe?\u201d he whispered hopefully, but no familiar voice came back to him through the stillness.<\/p>\n Hoss opened the door to the yard.\u00a0 Outside the darkness was less complete.<\/p>\n \u201cCochise?\u201d\u00a0 The horse turned its head in his direction and snickered softly.\u00a0 Hoss saw how the reins trailed loosely in the dirt.\u00a0 \u201cWhere\u2019s Joe, boy?\u201d\u00a0 Frowning, he took two steps out onto the porch and peered hard into the darkness behind the horse.<\/p>\n There was no sign of Little Joe.<\/p>\n *******<\/p>\n Adam set down his empty coffee cup on the table, barely registering that he\u2019d drunk the contents.\u00a0 Across the table, Pa\u2019s face was drawn from lack of sleep.\u00a0 Adam knew his own face looked as bad, if not worse.\u00a0 The sun was barely up; none of them had wasted time shaving.\u00a0 Now they were grabbing a quick cup of coffee and a cold meat sandwich before they headed out to look for the missing rider.<\/p>\n \u201cWe\u2019ll probably meet him half a mile from the ranch,\u201d Adam said, with forced optimism.<\/p>\n \u201cYeah.\u201d\u00a0 Hoss nodded.\u00a0 \u201cGrumpy and sore \u2019cause Cochise threw him off and he\u2019s had to walk back from Virginia City.\u201d<\/p>\n They were awkward with each other.\u00a0 Oddly, Cochise\u2019s lone return was almost a relief, distracting attention from the events of the previous day.\u00a0 Adam picked up the last piece of his sandwich, pushing it into his mouth as he collected his hat and gun.<\/p>\n \u201cYou should stay here,\u201d said Pa.\u00a0 \u201cThat cut on your head still looks pretty nasty.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThanks, Pa, but I\u2019ll be fine.\u00a0 I\u2019ll feel better when we find Joe.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhat\u2019s the plan, Pa?\u201d asked Hoss.<\/p>\n \u201cI think we head into Virginia City first.\u00a0 That seems the most likely place.\u201d\u00a0 Pa didn\u2019t need to say why he thought that.\u00a0 Nobody had mentioned Sophie\u2019s name yet that morning, but it hung in the air between them like a solid lump of something cold and unpleasant.\u00a0 \u201cIf we don\u2019t find him there, we\u2019ll split up and head back separately; cover as much ground as we can.\u00a0 He can\u2019t be far away if Cochise found his way back.\u201d<\/p>\n They rode in silence. It seemed like so much had been said the day before, there was nothing left to say.\u00a0 But the silence didn\u2019t hang easily between them.\u00a0 It was the kind of silence, thought Adam, that sapped the sun of its brightness and dulled the colors of the morning like a dank veil.\u00a0 It even seemed to get inside his head and make it ache harder than it ached already.<\/p>\n There was still no sign of Joe as they rode into town and met the bustle of the morning there.\u00a0 At Adam\u2019s suggestion, they split up to ask after him in the various saloons.\u00a0 Hoss garnered the first clue in the Bucket of Blood.<\/p>\n \u201cYep,\u201d he told Pa and Adam, \u201che was there all right.\u00a0 Drinking whiskey most of the afternoon by all accounts.\u00a0 Left about six o\u2019clock yesterday evening.\u00a0 Didn\u2019t say where he was going though.\u201d<\/p>\n Pa\u2019s face was grim. \u201cI could make an educated guess.\u00a0 Adam, you\u2019d better lead the way since you know where she lives.\u201d<\/p>\n Adam\u2019s mouth tightened.\u00a0 In silence, he led the way through the town to where the buildings thinned out, and the houses grew larger.<\/p>\n Pa and Hoss didn\u2019t have long to wonder which house was Sophie\u2019s.\u00a0 A buckboard, hitched and ready to go, waited outside a pleasant, white-painted building with a fenced garden to the front, and two women were struggling out of the door, hefting a big box between them. \u00a0As the three riders drew up by the gate and dismounted, the women set down their burden, a large, painted wooden trunk with brass fixings.<\/p>\n \u201cWell, the entire Cartwright family!\u201d \u00a0Amelia\u2019s eyes darted from face to face as she and Sophie approached the gate.\u00a0 \u201cYou\u2019re in town early.\u201d<\/p>\n Sophie looked tired, thought Adam.\u00a0 Very tired.\u00a0 Her face was pale and her eyes bloodshot.\u00a0 He wondered if she\u2019d been crying.\u00a0 She gave him a wan smile and dropped her gaze.\u00a0 He glanced at the trunk behind her in some disquiet. \u00a0Was she leaving? \u00a0Had she planned to slip away without telling him?<\/p>\n Pa looked as if someone had put too much starch in his shirt.\u00a0 His shoulders were rigid and his face fixed in a deliberately blank expression.\u00a0 \u201cWe\u2019re looking for Little Joe.\u00a0 He didn\u2019t come home last night.\u00a0 We wondered if he might have come here.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYes.\u00a0 As a matter of fact, he did.\u00a0 Yesterday evening, about six o\u2019clock.\u201d\u00a0 Amelia \u00a0gave an apologetic smile.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m afraid we sent him away again.\u00a0 You see, he\u2019d been drinking, hadn\u2019t he, Sophie?\u00a0 In fact, he was quite drunk.\u201d<\/p>\n Sophie gave a nod.\u00a0 \u201cI imagined he\u2019d go home.\u201d\u00a0 Her voice was flat and disinterested.<\/p>\n \u201cHis horse arrived back without him.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou think something\u2019s happened to him?\u201d<\/p>\n Why was Amelia doing all the talking?\u00a0 Adam looked again at Sophie, trying to catch her eye, but she stared fixedly at the path, her shoulders drooped. Maybe she was ill.\u00a0 Or maybe she was having second thoughts about marrying him.\u00a0 That would explain the trunk!\u00a0 She had changed her mind and decided to slip away.<\/p>\n In spite of Pa\u2019s revelations, seeing her again, even pale and subdued, he realized how much he still wanted her.\u00a0 Even her ill-concealed distress could not detract from her loveliness and, if anything, her unexpected vulnerability made her even more desirable.\u00a0 The realization was accompanied by a little stab of annoyance at Joe.\u00a0 If his younger brother hadn\u2019t done this latest disappearing trick, Adam could have stayed with Sophie, comforted her, found out what was troubling her, put his arms around her, kissed away the sadness in her face.\u00a0 But he had to go and hunt for Joe.\u00a0 And if Amelia was right and Joe had been very drunk yesterday, then it was more than likely he was simply lying in a gully somewhere, sleeping off a hangover.\u00a0 If that was how they found him, thought Adam, his jaw hardening, Joe was going to feel the full brunt of his oldest brother\u2019s displeasure.<\/p>\n \u201cCan we give you a hand, ma\u2019am?\u201d\u00a0 Hoss nodded politely at the trunk on the porch.\u00a0 \u201cLooks like you\u2019re packed to go somewhere.\u201d<\/p>\n Amelia smiled.\u00a0 \u201cOh no, nothing like that.\u00a0 It\u2019s just we were having a conversation the other day with the pastor\u2019s wife and she was telling us there\u2019s a convent near here where the sisters distribute food and clothing to the widows and orphans.\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss nodded.\u00a0 \u201cI heard that too, ma\u2019am.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cSo, Sophie and I thought this was a good excuse to sort through our closets and do something useful with the clothes we don\u2019t wear anymore.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cLooks like you found plenty, ma\u2019am.\u201d<\/p>\n Sophie raised a half-hearted smile.\u00a0 \u201cWe have far too many clothes.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWe\u2019ll give you a hand.\u201d\u00a0 Hoss put his hand to the gate.<\/p>\n Sophie interjected swiftly.\u00a0 \u201cOn no, please don\u2019t bother yourselves. Amelia and I can manage.\u00a0 We\u2019re stronger than we look.\u00a0 And I know you\u2019re worried about Little Joe.\u00a0 We wouldn\u2019t want to hold you up.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo bother,\u201d Hoss insisted.\u00a0 \u201cSounds like Little Joe may just have had more to drink than was good for him.\u201d<\/p>\n Amelia reached out and drew Sophie away from the gate.\u00a0 \u201cWell, thank you, Mr. Cartwright, you are a real gentleman.\u00a0 We\u2019d be grateful.\u201d<\/p>\n Something was wrong with Sophie; Adam was certain now.\u00a0 Even when he brushed past her, following Hoss to the porch, she refused to meet his eyes.\u00a0 The more he thought about it, the more he convinced himself she must have changed her mind about the wedding.\u00a0 He kept looking at her as he took hold of the brass handle at his end of the trunk and Hoss grabbed the other, but still she did not acknowledge him.<\/p>\n \u201cYou sure have turned out plenty!\u201d Hoss raised his eyebrows as he hefted the weight. \u201cThose widows are gonna be mighty pleased!\u201d<\/p>\n Amelia smiled brightly.\u00a0 \u201cI do hope so.\u00a0 But that trunk\u2019s heavy even when it\u2019s empty.\u00a0 Mr. Hannard had it made especially sturdy.\u00a0 We\u2019re grateful you happened along when you did to help us out.\u201d<\/p>\n The two men swung the trunk up onto the buckboard.\u00a0 Pa was fidgety.\u00a0 Adam knew he was worried about Little Joe.\u00a0 No doubt he was also itching to get out of Sophie\u2019s company.\u00a0 He was already climbing back into his saddle as Hoss and Adam stood back from the wagon.<\/p>\n \u201cThank you for your help,\u201d he said, touching his hat, stiffly polite.<\/p>\n \u201cI hope you find Little Joe.\u201d\u00a0 Sophie lifted her face to Adam\u2019s as he hoisted himself back into his saddle, for the first time meeting his eyes properly.\u00a0 \u201cYou\u2019ll let me know, won\u2019t you?\u201d<\/p>\n He nodded, turning his horse to follow Pa and Hoss back into town.<\/p>\n *******<\/p>\n \u201cSounds like he had a skin full, Pa,\u201d said Hoss as they rode.<\/p>\n Tight-lipped, Pa looked as though he couldn\u2019t decide whether to be worried or angry.\u00a0 It occurred to Adam that Pa wasn\u2019t currently in a position to lecture anyone else on moral conduct.\u00a0 The confirmation that Joe had been very much the worse for drink had considerably lessened Adam\u2019s own anxieties, providing a whole selection of likely scenarios to explain his mysterious absence.<\/p>\n Roy Coffee was outside his office, sweeping the porch.<\/p>\n \u201cLittle Joe?\u201d \u00a0The sheriff leaned on his broom and looked thoughtful as Ben related the story of Joe\u2019s absence and what little they knew of his whereabouts before that. \u00a0\u201cHe rode past me, last night.\u00a0 Round seven, half past. \u00a0I was doing my evening rounds.\u00a0 Had his head down, riding at a fair crack.\u00a0 I called out to him, but he didn\u2019t hear me.\u00a0 Looked to me like he was heading for home.\u00a0 Need a hand looking for him, Ben?\u201d<\/p>\n Pa pursed his mouth and shook his head.\u00a0 \u201cThanks, Roy, but I\u2019m sure we\u2019ll find him.\u00a0 I just hope he isn\u2019t lying somewhere with a broken head.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cSore head, more like,\u201d put in Hoss.<\/p>\n \u201cPa.\u201d Adam leaned forward in his saddle.\u00a0 \u201cYou and Hoss go on.\u00a0 I\u2019ll catch you up.\u00a0 There\u2019s something I need to do.\u201d<\/p>\n The way Pa looked at him then almost made him wish he hadn\u2019t spoken. \u00a0Pa knew where he was going without even asking.\u00a0 Adam hesitated as he weighed his divided loyalties, then, ignoring a nagging feeling of guilt, he swung his horse away.<\/p>\n There was no one at home at the pastor\u2019s house.\u00a0 He paused outside, wondering whether Sophie and Amelia had yet to get there.\u00a0 He rode over to the church.\u00a0 The pastor was inside, finishing his morning devotions.\u00a0 He greeted Adam with a smile and told him his wife had walked the children to school and no, he hadn\u2019t seen two ladies driving a buckboard.\u00a0 Adam mounted up and once again turned his horse in the direction of Sophie\u2019s house.<\/p>\n He half expected to meet the wagon driving in the opposite direction, but he didn\u2019t.\u00a0 He got all the way back to the house and the street outside was empty.\u00a0 He could see where the horse had stood, and the tracks of the wheels, but strangely, they were heading in the wrong direction, out of town.<\/p>\n His stomach tightened again in anxiety.\u00a0 Had Sophie been lying?\u00a0 Were they really her own belongings in that trunk?\u00a0 Was that why she hadn\u2019t wanted to meet his eyes? \u00a0She was slipping away without even a good bye? \u00a0Another worrying possibility struck him then.\u00a0 What if Joe, angry, jealous, and whiskey-fueled, had turned up on her doorstep in one of his fits of blind passion, and made threats, or said something stupid?\u00a0 Joe was certainly capable of saying the most ridiculous things in the heat of the moment.<\/p>\n Whatever had happened between Pa and Sophie, whatever had happened between Sophie and Joe, Adam knew he could not give her up that easily.\u00a0 He needed to find her, hear her reassure him that all his worries were empty ones, that she still loved him, still wanted to be his bride.\u00a0 It was imperative he talk to her, straighten out any misunderstandings, make it clear that the past was the past.\u00a0 After all, he knew the worst about her now, didn\u2019t he?\u00a0 And he still loved her.<\/p>\n Pa and Hoss were bound to find Joe.\u00a0 Once he\u2019d caught up with Sophie and explained everything to her, he\u2019d ride back and help with the search, if his pesky little brother hadn\u2019t already turned up, sheepish and contrite.<\/p>\n A mile and a half out of town, he still hadn\u2019t spotted the buckboard ahead of him and he was puzzled.\u00a0 It was beginning to feel as though the two women and their wagon had vanished into thin air.\u00a0 To his left, the land rose in a steepening ridge.\u00a0 From the rocks up there, he would be able to get a clear view for several miles.<\/p>\n He had to clamber the last hundred yards on foot. The land spread out below him like a colorful map, with the road like a pale ribbon winding through the rocks and scrub.\u00a0 He followed it with his eyes, but it was empty as far as he could see.<\/p>\n He frowned.\u00a0 If Sophie hadn\u2019t headed out this way, where was she?\u00a0 There weren\u2019t many options open to a wheeled vehicle on this route.<\/p>\n He let his eyes roam in a wide arc, and then stopped, surprised.\u00a0 Heading across the scrubland immediately below him was a horse-drawn cart, with two women in the front seat, unmistakably Sophie and Amelia, the large trunk on the back swaying precariously as the wheels bumped over the stony, uneven ground.<\/p>\n Adam\u2019s brows drew down in a puzzled frown. Where on earth did they think they were going?\u00a0 Why had they left the road?\u00a0 They\u2019d be lucky not to lose a wheel driving over that rough ground.<\/p>\n Almost as though the driver had heard his thoughts, the buckboard came to a halt and the two women climbed down.\u00a0 Although he was too far away to hear their voices, it looked to Adam as if they were arguing, leaning in close to each other and gesturing with their arms.<\/p>\n They appeared to reach a resolution.\u00a0 Amelia climbed up onto the back of the wagon and pushed the trunk towards the tail board. \u00a0Jumping down beside her friend, together they inched the big crate off.\u00a0 Remembering how heavy it had been to lift, Adam was impressed that they managed to balance it so steadily between them.<\/p>\n What were they doing though?\u00a0 Why would they cart an enormous trunk full of clothes into the desert and dump it there?\u00a0 It made no sense.\u00a0 He frowned deeper.\u00a0 It only made sense if there was something else in that trunk, something they needed to get rid of secretly.<\/p>\n He almost laughed at his own foolish notion, but the amusement died instantly.\u00a0 A niggling doubt crept like a cold trickle through his middle.\u00a0 The thud of his heartbeat became suddenly more insistent.\u00a0 It couldn\u2019t be.\u00a0 The idea was absurd.\u00a0 There was no way!\u00a0 And why was he trying to reassure himself about something so ludicrous?\u00a0 After all, Roy Coffee himself had seen Joe riding past yesterday evening.\u00a0 Pa and Hoss had probably found him by now.\u00a0 Joe was in all likelihood receiving a tongue-lashing from Pa at this very moment.<\/p>\n Amelia had the lid open.\u00a0 From a distance, Adam couldn\u2019t see clearly what was in the trunk, but it looked like bundled fabric.\u00a0 His brief rush of relief was followed by a second of stomach-wrenching horror as the two women turned the crate onto its side and what was unmistakably a body, partially shrouded in a swathe of mottled fabric, tumbled out into the dirt.<\/p>\n Adam slithered, breathlessly, down the rocky slope to his waiting horse, hurling himself into the saddle and driving his heels hard into the animal\u2019s ribs.\u00a0 Rounding the ridge at a gallop, he could see the buckboard and the women less than four hundred yards ahead of him.\u00a0 He could see something else too; something that made his stomach leap into his throat.\u00a0 Amelia was standing over the swathed mound at her feet, her arm stretched down as though she were pointing at it, except that in her hand was a gun.<\/p>\n \u201cNo!\u201d\u00a0 Adam\u2019s bellow echoed back from the rocks behind. \u201cSophie! \u00a0Amelia!\u00a0 Stop!\u201d<\/p>\n The women\u2019s heads snapped up as he drove his horse forward in desperation.\u00a0 They were close.\u00a0 He could see the alarm on Sophie\u2019s pale face and the dark scowl on Amelia\u2019s.\u00a0 Then something slapped with jarring force into his left shoulder, his horse veered sharply, the saddle was gone from under him and he hit the ground with a bone-crunching thud.<\/p>\n Pain burst in his shoulder, but the vision of Joe, bundled in the dust, drove him back to his feet, as a bullet hissed through the air inches from his head.\u00a0 Dammit!\u00a0 The girl was still shooting at him.\u00a0 He pulled his own revolver and focused his dazed eyes ahead.\u00a0 Amelia\u2019s arm was raised, her gun aimed directly at him.<\/p>\n He steadied his hand and pulled the trigger.<\/p>\n Amelia folded, sitting back heavily in the dust.\u00a0 Through the acrid gun smoke, Adam heard Sophie\u2019s wild howl of dismay.\u00a0 He stumbled forward, still winded from his fall, his shoulder on fire.<\/p>\n Sophie was on her knees in the dirt beside Amelia.\u00a0 Adam, trying to take in everything all at once, saw the dark stain spreading across the grey silk of Amelia\u2019s dress, and her black eyes staring at him, shocked and accusing.\u00a0 The gun still hung limply from the fingers of her right hand.\u00a0 Almost on instinct, he bent to remove it, his attention already swiveling to his brother\u2019s body, curled and limp in a tangle of blood-soaked linen.<\/p>\n \u201cJoe?\u201d\u00a0 Adam crouched down beside him, noting with an overwhelming surge of relief Joe\u2019s unintelligible mutterings.\u00a0 Disentangling his brother\u2019s arms from a twisted sheet with shaking hands, he tugged at the knot that held his wrists bound.<\/p>\n \u201cIt was just a misunderstanding!\u201d\u00a0 There were tears in Sophie\u2019s desperate plea.\u00a0 \u201cHe was drunk, Adam, that\u2019s why she reacted that way.\u00a0 He wouldn\u2019t let me go!\u201d<\/p>\n Ignoring her, Adam freed Joe\u2019s arms and set to work on his ankles.\u00a0 There was dried blood smeared over Joe\u2019s upper torso and gaping wounds in his back and shoulder.\u00a0 Oblivious to the spreading stain on his own sleeve, Adam limped to his horse which had come to a standstill fifteen feet away, and took down his water canteen.<\/p>\n Joe drank thirstily, and opened his eyes.\u00a0 \u201cAdam!\u201d \u00a0He tried to smile but it turned into a grimace of pain instead.<\/p>\n \u201cJust lie still.\u00a0 I\u2019m going to get you out of here.\u201d<\/p>\n Adam finally looked down at his own shoulder.\u00a0 A large chunk of fabric was gone from the top of his shirt sleeve, and a sizeable piece of flesh had gone with it when the bullet flashed past him, but there was no lead embedded there.\u00a0 He turned his attention to the two women.<\/p>\n Sophie was weeping, her mouth twisted, her cheeks streaked and grimy.\u00a0 Amelia was still conscious, but breathing with ragged gasps.\u00a0 Adam\u2019s bullet had hit her almost dead center of her body.\u00a0 Her face was a shade lighter than her grey dress.<\/p>\n \u201cLet\u2019s get her on board.\u201d\u00a0 He bent down and gathered her up in his arms.\u00a0 \u201cFind a clean piece of cloth and press it against that wound.\u00a0 We\u2019ll get them both back to the doctor\u2019s office.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou\u2019re bleeding, Adam.\u201d\u00a0 Sophie\u2019s voice was little more than a whisper.<\/p>\n He didn\u2019t even look at her.\u00a0 \u201cIt\u2019s just a crease.\u00a0 Get up on the wagon, Sophie.\u201d<\/p>\n *******<\/p>\n Doc Martin was just coming out of his office, bag in hand, as Adam drove the buckboard, clattering and rattling, around the corner into the street.<\/p>\n The doctor\u2019s face hardened as he cast his eye over the two wounded passengers. \u00a0He became suddenly brisk.\u00a0 Mrs. Drew\u2019s abscess would have to wait.<\/p>\n They took Joe inside first, still wrapped in his white shroud.\u00a0 When they came back out for Amelia, they saw the look on Sophie\u2019s face and knew they were too late.<\/p>\n 13<\/strong><\/p>\n Joe jerked awake, aware of his own cry of terror dying on his lips, his heart hammering fit to burst through his ribs.\u00a0 Sweat drenched his sheets.\u00a0 Around him the familiar shapes of his own room reassembled themselves in the dim light from the lamp Pa had left beside his bed the last time he\u2019d roused the entire household with his unconscious bellows of protest.\u00a0 He rubbed his face with a shaking hand. Every time he dozed off, it seemed he was trapped again, crushed in that airless box, stifling in sweltering darkness, unable to straighten his legs or move his arms, every muscle burning and cramping, tormented by thirst and the pulsing pain of his wounds.<\/p>\n The pain was still there, in his arms and his back, even when he was awake, but at least there was light and air.\u00a0 His left arm was frustratingly immobilized, strapped to his chest.\u00a0 If the torn muscles were going to heal, the doctor had told him plainly, he mustn\u2019t use it at all.<\/p>\n \u201cJoe?\u201d<\/p>\n He frowned at his father\u2019s voice.\u00a0 It should have comforted him, but instead it prodded uncomfortably at the heavy lump that had been steadily growing in his middle for the last few days.<\/p>\n He turned his head, shifting awkwardly in his bed.\u00a0 There was no way to lie that didn\u2019t hurt.\u00a0 Pa was in the doorway, in nightshirt and slippers, his stern brow drawn down and creased with concern.<\/p>\n \u201cAre you all right, son?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cUh huh.\u201d Joe gave a single nod and turned his face away into his pillow.\u00a0 Now he was fully awake, he remembered the other troubling nightmare, the one that wouldn\u2019t go away.<\/p>\n \u201cAnother bad dream?\u201d<\/p>\n Joe cringed at the sympathy in Pa\u2019s voice.\u00a0 It was the third time that night he had woken his family without meaning to. He gave a lopsided shrug as if to say it was nothing important.<\/p>\n \u201cCan I get you anything?\u201d<\/p>\n Joe shook his head, focusing his eyes on the soft mounds of the pillow close to his face.\u00a0 He heard Pa breathe a heavy sigh.<\/p>\n Yesterday had been easier to handle.\u00a0 He had spent most of the day slipping in and out of sleep, groggy and confused.\u00a0 No one had expected any sense out of him.\u00a0 Even so, whenever he\u2019d looked at Pa, he\u2019d remembered Amelia\u2019s words and the pain in his heart was harder to bear than the pain of the knife wounds.\u00a0 But now his head was clear.\u00a0 And later on today there would be confessions and explanations and recriminations.\u00a0 He lay unmoving, his gaze carefully averted from Pa\u2019s face, willing his father to return to his own room.<\/p>\n \u201cIs something troubling you, son?\u201d<\/p>\n Joe slunk down lower in his bed as if he could make himself disappear into its depths.<\/p>\n \u201cJoseph?\u201d<\/p>\n Why did Pa persist?<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m fine, Pa.\u00a0 Just need to sleep some more. Sorry I woke you again.\u201d He had to force his voice to sound natural, but even then it felt harsh and strained.<\/p>\n Pa didn\u2019t take the hint.\u00a0 Instead he came right into the room and crossed to the bed.\u00a0 Sat down on the edge of it.\u00a0 Joe pressed his face harder into his pillow and closed his eyes as though that would shut out Pa too.<\/p>\n \u201cJoe?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhat?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cJust look at me for a moment, son?\u201d<\/p>\n Joe\u2019s heart began to thud again.\u00a0 He swallowed hard.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019d rather not.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhy?\u201d\u00a0 When Joe didn\u2019t answer, Pa tried again.\u00a0 \u201cJoseph, talk to me.\u00a0 Tell me what\u2019s on your mind.\u201d<\/p>\n In the silence that followed, Joe took a deep breath and let it out again slowly.\u00a0 His voice emerged tight and strangled.<\/p>\n \u201cYou lied to me, Pa.\u00a0 You told me you loved my mother.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThat wasn\u2019t a lie.\u00a0 I did love her.\u00a0 I loved her very much.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe kept his face averted. How could he meet his father\u2019s eyes?\u00a0 \u201cThen why did you cheat on her?\u201d<\/p>\n It was Pa\u2019s turn to hesitate.\u00a0 \u201cSophie told you then?\u201d<\/p>\n Joe shook his head.\u00a0 \u201cNo.\u00a0 Amelia did.\u00a0 Sophie wanted to keep your sordid little secret.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cJoe…\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI really don\u2019t want to talk about it, Pa.\u201d<\/p>\n Pa touched his bound arm with a tentative hand. Joe rolled away, abruptly.\u00a0 The sudden movement sent bolts of pain through his back and arm.\u00a0 He screwed his face and tried not to wince.\u00a0 Pa drew his hand away.\u00a0 Joe heard the sigh again.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m sorry, Joe. \u00a0I was going to tell you, I promise.\u00a0 I know you feel let down. \u00a0There\u2019s nothing I can do or say to change what\u2019s happened.\u00a0 I\u2019m sorry.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe remained rigid and silent, as though Pa\u2019s presence right behind him had frozen him into solid stone.\u00a0 Pa was silent too, but Joe sensed him shift, heard him breathe another of those inevitable sighs.\u00a0 It was several agonizing minutes before Pa seemed finally to get the message and Joe felt his weight lift from the bed.<\/p>\n \u201cMaybe we can talk later.\u00a0 When you\u2019re feeling better?\u201d<\/p>\n Feeling better?\u00a0 Joe\u2019s brow twitched downwards.\u00a0 How was he ever going to feel better about knowing that his father had cheated on his mother?\u00a0 What did Pa expect?\u00a0 A shrug and a laugh?\u00a0 Oh, that\u2019s all right, Pa!\u00a0 It was a long time ago! Of course it\u2019s not important that you betrayed my mother and made me believe my whole life that you were someone honorable, someone I should look up to\u2026<\/em><\/p>\n Pa lingered a moment longer beside the bed.\u00a0 The tension mounting in Joe\u2019s body was almost unbearable but he didn\u2019t dare flex a muscle until his father had gone and shut the door behind him.\u00a0 Any slight movement on Joe\u2019s part, Pa would take it as a sign of hope and that would only prolong the agony.<\/p>\n Finally he heard the door click softly shut, and he let out the breath he\u2019d been holding in a long sigh of profound relief.\u00a0 Then he thought about the day ahead and felt sick.\u00a0 Facing Pa and Adam and Hoss!\u00a0 Everything was such a mess!\u00a0 He could no longer look his own father in the eye, and on top of that, he had tried to strangle his brother only two days ago.\u00a0 All over a woman!\u00a0 The memory turned his whole body cold.\u00a0 Even gentle, accommodating Hoss had lost his temper.\u00a0 Then there was the horror and humiliation of everything that had happened with Sophie and Amelia; his foolish, drunken behavior; the nightmare of being knifed and tied up in that wretched trunk!<\/p>\n Joe shuddered at the memory and swallowed hard.\u00a0 He was red-faced and hot just thinking about it.\u00a0 And the final embarrassment of being found, all but naked, helpless at the hands of two women – by Adam, of all people – and driven through town on the back of a buckboard, in nothing more than a pair of drawers and a bed sheet!<\/p>\n That hadn\u2019t been the final degradation though.\u00a0 He realized that now. That would come today, when he would be forced to go through it all again, reliving every burning, shameful moment.<\/p>\n He could hear the murmur of deep voices rumbling beyond his bedroom wall.\u00a0 Obviously his cries had woken Adam too, maybe even Hoss.\u00a0 Did they<\/em> know about Pa and Sophie, he wondered, frowning?\u00a0 He tried to focus on the sounds from the next room, but he couldn\u2019t make out anything that was being said.\u00a0 He was almost certain any conversation taking place at that moment had to do with the events of the last couple of days.\u00a0 The thought turned his stomach sour.<\/p>\n Eventually the low rumble ceased.\u00a0 Joe lay still in the silence, weary but unwilling to let himself drift back into sleep in case more nightmares crept up on him.\u00a0 Gradually he became aware that the rectangle of his window was lightening.\u00a0 Dawn was creeping closer.\u00a0 In an hour or so it would be daylight and Pa and his brothers would be up and about, and the dreaded inquisition would begin.<\/p>\n Wincing, he sat up, still staring at the window.\u00a0 There was<\/em> something he could do.\u00a0 He didn\u2019t need to stick around for the post mortem.\u00a0 He\u2019d been planning to leave anyway.<\/p>\n Standing up, his head swam. \u00a0He steadied himself against the bedpost.\u00a0 Dressing with only one useful arm was harder than he\u2019d imagined.\u00a0 He got into his pants easily enough, but cursed at every button, and beads of sweat broke out and ran down his face and back as he fought with his socks and boots.\u00a0 His belt defeated him entirely.\u00a0 Since he couldn\u2019t put his left arm into a sleeve, he abandoned his shirt and draped his jacket clumsily over his left shoulder.\u00a0 Once he\u2019d got that far, he had to sit for a minute or two to recover strength enough for the next stage.<\/p>\n Someone had brought in his saddlebags from the stable.\u00a0 The drawing of his mother and her letter were gone though.\u00a0 He scowled, annoyed at their disappearance.\u00a0 But the thought of a confrontation with Pa over their whereabouts decided the matter.\u00a0 He stuffed his shirt and belt into the bag with his other belongings and slipped quietly out of his bedroom door.<\/p>\n All he\u2019d done was dress and make his way downstairs and he felt as exhausted as if he\u2019d done a full day\u2019s work and more! \u00a0\u00a0He put on his hat and picked up his gun belt.\u00a0 Outside the first fingers of dawn were feeling their way into the lightening sky as he hurried across the yard to the barn.<\/p>\n *******<\/p>\n Where was Joe going?<\/p>\n Adam stared out of his window at the cold, grey light of the approaching morning and at the back of his youngest brother as he made his way across the yard to the barn, saddlebags over his sound shoulder.<\/p>\n Sleep had eluded Adam.\u00a0 His injured arm throbbed, and three times Joe\u2019s heart-stopping cries had torn through the night time stillness as his brother wrestled with his own terrors.\u00a0 Pa hadn\u2019t slept either.\u00a0 Adam could tell that from his red-rimmed, bloodshot eyes and the sunken shadows of his face when he had come into his oldest son\u2019s room, after Joe\u2019s panicked shouts had disturbed them all for the third time.\u00a0 Pa was in torment too, close to crumbling as he related to Adam how Joe had refused even look at him.<\/p>\n And now, Joe was running away.\u00a0 Why else would he be creeping out at first light, bags packed?\u00a0 Adam shook his head in despair and reached for his clothes.<\/p>\n His brother was battling to get a bridle over Cochise\u2019s head with only one hand, muttering in frustration as Cochise, obviously deciding this was some sort of new game, stamped and shifted and tossed his head to make the task doubly difficult.\u00a0 Joe was far too absorbed to notice Adam entering the barn behind him<\/p>\n \u201cNeed a hand?\u201d<\/p>\n Joe started at the voice and his head jerked around.\u00a0 He\u2019d abandoned his jacket in the straw and perspiration bedewed his face and body.\u00a0 In the dim light filtering in through the open door, his skin looked grey, his eyes smudged and bruised.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019ll manage.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHmmm!\u201d said Adam, eyeing the heavy saddle draped over the stall.\u00a0 He folded his arms and leaned against a beam.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m fascinated to see how.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe tightened his jaw and turned back to his horse.\u00a0 \u201cWhy do you always have to gloat?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cActually, I didn\u2019t follow you down here to gloat.\u00a0 I was just curious as to where you were going.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAway.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAnywhere in particular?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo.\u00a0 Just away.\u201d\u00a0 The words ended in a grunt as Joe finally got the bridle over the horse\u2019s ears and sagged back against the stall, exhausted.<\/p>\n \u201cCan\u2019t it wait for a day or two?\u00a0 At least until you\u2019re feeling better?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo.\u201d Joe \u00a0wiped sweat from his face with his good arm.\u00a0 \u201cI need to get away now.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhy?\u00a0 What\u2019s so urgent?\u201d<\/p>\n Joe didn\u2019t answer.\u00a0 Cochise drew his head back irritably as Joe tried with one hand to tighten the buckles.\u00a0 \u201cAw, come on Cooch, give me a break!\u201d he exclaimed, wearily.\u00a0 The horse flung his head up and snorted.\u00a0 Joe took a deep breath and closed his eyes.<\/p>\n Adam watched as he resumed his struggle with the uncooperative animal, becoming more exasperated by the second.\u00a0 \u201cYou know, if you leave now, she\u2019ll have won.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhat are you talking about?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019s what she was trying to do.\u00a0 Tear us apart.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe shook his head.\u00a0 \u201cI can\u2019t stay here.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhy?\u00a0 Because of Pa and Sophie?\u201d<\/p>\n Again Joe didn\u2019t answer. \u00a0He swore under his breath at Cochise and slumped back again, against the stall.<\/p>\n \u201cYou know, then?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cPa told us, after you stormed off to town the other day.\u00a0 He was worried Sophie would tell you.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYeah, well, Amelia told me.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYeah.\u00a0 So Pa said.\u00a0 Sophie had been planning to though.\u00a0 She told me yesterday.\u00a0 She wanted to pay Pa back for taking Marie away from her.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe turned his head sideways to frown at Adam.\u00a0 \u201cShe wouldn\u2019t tell me<\/em>, even when I asked.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo.\u00a0 Turned out she wasn\u2019t as black-hearted as she thought.\u00a0 But Amelia was!\u00a0 They planned all this together.\u00a0 So when Sophie had second thoughts, Amelia stepped in.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe groaned and slumped against Cochise.\u00a0 \u201cOh God! \u00a0Amelia!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou look terrible, Joe! \u00a0Why don’t you sit down before you fall down?\u201d\u00a0 Adam drew him out of the stall and pushed him down onto a crate.<\/p>\n Joe sank his head into his hand, trembling visibly.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019ve been such an idiot!\u201d<\/p>\n Adam sat down beside him and gave a bitter laugh.\u00a0 \u201cYou don\u2019t have the monopoly on that one, little brother!\u00a0 Love makes fools of us all, as a wise man once said.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe was shivering in violent bursts.\u00a0 Adam retrieved his jacket from the straw and laid it across his bare shoulders.\u00a0 After a prolonged silence, Joe lifted his face.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat\u2019s going to happen to Sophie?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI don\u2019t know.\u00a0 She won\u2019t stay here though.\u201d\u00a0 Adam felt his stomach ball into a hard knot as he thought about her.\u00a0 \u201cWe talked… yesterday.\u00a0 She…er \u2026 she asked if I could still love her.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe stared at him, grey-faced.\u00a0 \u201cWhat did you say?\u201d<\/p>\n Adam pushed at some loose straw with the toe of his boot.\u00a0 \u201cI said no.\u201d His mouth twisted; he shook his head.\u00a0 \u201cIt wasn\u2019t entirely true though.\u00a0 Even now I know what was really going on, there\u2019s still something about her.\u201d\u00a0 The last few words came out sounding oddly jerky.\u00a0 \u201cWhat about you?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhat about me?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cDo you still love her?\u201d\u00a0 The words felt tight in Adam\u2019s throat.<\/p>\n Joe\u2019s shoulders tensed and his face creased. \u201cI don\u2019t even want to think about her.\u201d\u00a0 His voice cracked as he spoke.\u00a0 \u201cYou… you were right about one thing though.\u00a0 She never loved me.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cListen, Joe.\u201d\u00a0 Adam put a hand on his brother\u2019s leg.\u00a0 \u201cThose things I said to you the other day, they… they weren\u2019t true.\u00a0 At least, she never said them the way I implied.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe stared hard at the ground.\u00a0 Adam could see he didn\u2019t trust himself to speak.<\/p>\n \u201cJoe, about Pa and Sophie.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cDon\u2019t!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cRunning away\u2019s not going to help, you know.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe swallowed hard.\u00a0 He shook his head.\u00a0 \u201cI can\u2019t stay here!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou could at least talk to him.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe ran his hand across his eyes.\u00a0 \u201cI can\u2019t talk to him!\u00a0 I just can\u2019t!\u00a0 I can\u2019t even look<\/em> at him!\u00a0 He betrayed my mother, Adam.\u00a0 And he lied to us.\u201d<\/p>\n Adam\u2019s brows rose a fraction. \u201cOh.\u00a0 And you\u2019ve never done anything like that?\u201d<\/p>\n Joe flashed him an accusing glare, then hunched his shoulders and stared back at the ground.\u00a0 \u201cThat\u2019s different.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhy?\u00a0 Because it\u2019s you and not him?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo!\u00a0 Because… well, because he\u2019s always lectured us on being decent and honest.\u00a0 And now we find out he\u2019s been living a lie all these years!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOh come on, Joe!\u00a0 He\u2019s only human.\u00a0 He did what he thought was best.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhat?\u00a0 By lying to us?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHe just didn\u2019t tell us.\u00a0 Let\u2019s be honest, it\u2019s not the kind of thing you bring up in conversation with your kids, is it?\u00a0 When you have a wife and children, will you tell them about Sophie?\u201d<\/p>\n Joe scowled and ran his hands through his hair.\u00a0 \u201cIt\u2019s not the same!\u201d<\/p>\n Adam regarded him, frowning, and gave a little shake of his head.\u00a0 \u201cYou know what, Joe?\u00a0 You set Pa and Marie on such high pedestals, and when they can\u2019t reach your impossible expectations, you throw the blame straight back at them.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe looked taken aback.\u00a0 \u201cI… I don\u2019t!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou could try a bit of forgiveness.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe stared at his brother in stunned silence.<\/p>\n \u201cLet he who is without sin<\/em>…\u201d said Adam.<\/p>\n Joe opened his mouth to make an angry retort, then shut it again, hurt burning in his eyes.\u00a0 Adam raised his hands and let them drop again in exasperation.<\/p>\n \u201cIf you had talked<\/em> to Pa, Joe, you might have found out that he did<\/em> try and tell Marie.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe wrinkled his brow.\u00a0 \u201cWhat do you mean?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHe told us, yesterday.\u00a0 After they moved out here, he realized he couldn\u2019t live with the lie. So he tried to tell her.\u00a0 She wouldn\u2019t let him.\u00a0 She said, he insisted her<\/em> past wasn\u2019t important, so his<\/em> wasn\u2019t either.\u00a0 She didn\u2019t want<\/em> to know.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHer<\/em> past?\u201d\u00a0 Joe\u2019s face was still pale, but his eyes flickered dangerously.\u00a0 \u201cWhat do you mean, her<\/em> past?\u00a0 What are you implying?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m not implying<\/em> anything.\u00a0 All right, so nobody\u2019s ever spelled it out for you, but you\u2019re not a kid.\u00a0 You can work things out for yourself.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThere\u2019s nothing to work out.\u00a0 I don\u2019t know what you\u2019re talking about! \u00a0She didn\u2019t have \u2018a past\u2019, as you put it.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThere you go again.\u00a0 Nothing less than perfection will do!\u201d<\/p>\n Joe rose to his feet and spun around to confront his brother, his eyes flaring.\u00a0 \u201cNo! \u00a0Don\u2019t talk about her that way!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhat are you going to do?\u00a0 Throttle me again?\u201d<\/p>\n Joe\u2019s face twitched.\u00a0 The anger in his eyes melted instantly into pain and he swung back to Cochise\u2019s stall, his head turned away.<\/p>\n \u201cSeems to me, in her heart, Marie knew the truth, and in her heart she forgave him.\u00a0 She loved him enough to see past his mistakes.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe leaned his head against Cochise\u2019s flank and said nothing.<\/p>\n \u201cYou have the same choice, Joe.\u00a0 You can forgive him, or you can ride away with a grudge in your heart that\u2019ll turn you as bitter as Sophie, in the end.\u00a0 Pa\u2019s the same man he always was.\u00a0 He\u2019s a good man and he\u2019s an honest man.\u00a0 But he\u2019s just a man all the same.\u00a0 He\u2019ll never be perfect, no matter how much you want him to be.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe reached out and ran a shaking hand down Cochise\u2019s neck.\u00a0 Adam waited a long moment, but Joe made no response.\u00a0 Finally Adam rose to his feet and gave a shrug.\u00a0 \u201cWhy don\u2019t you think about it?\u201d<\/p>\n He was tired. Very tired. \u00a0And he had tried.\u00a0 He had promised Pa and he had done his best.\u00a0 But Joe was not like him.\u00a0 Joe would follow his heart not his reason, and his heart was so easily wounded.\u00a0 Joe jumped at life with his guard down, and then looked hurt every time it landed a punch.\u00a0 He never seemed to learn to build his bruises into a wall of hard-earned experience that would protect him whenever life flung its random slings and arrows.<\/p>\n Adam gave his brother one last long appraising look, but Joe didn\u2019t turn or give any indication that he\u2019d heard.\u00a0 Adam sighed and crossed slowly to the door.\u00a0 He was almost there before Joe\u2019s words halted him.<\/p>\n \u201cHelp me get this bridle off?\u201d<\/p>\n Adam turned in the doorway.\u00a0 He looked down at the floor, the corners of his mouth twitching faintly.\u00a0 \u201cI thought you could manage.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe shrugged his right shoulder and managed a short, strained laugh.\u00a0 \u201cDarn near dislocated my good arm getting it on in the first place!\u201d<\/p>\n As Adam drew the bridle back over the pony\u2019s head, Joe said with forced casualness, \u201cSo, you coming back home to stay then?\u201d<\/p>\n Adam\u2019s eyebrow lifted a fraction.\u00a0 He heaved an exaggerated sigh. \u201cI might just have to, little brother.\u00a0 Seems you can\u2019t manage without me!\u201d<\/p>\n As they reached the barn door, the sun was nosing its way over the mountains, infusing the grey light of dawn with a faint golden flush.\u00a0 Adam raised his eyes to Pa\u2019s bedroom window.\u00a0 The house was still in darkness, and very quiet, but he didn\u2019t need to see his father\u2019s face to know that he was there, watching and waiting.<\/p>\n He put his hand on Joe\u2019s good shoulder and together they stepped out into the pale light of morning.<\/p>\n
\n A stately pleasure-dome decree:<\/em>
\n Where Alph, the sacred river, ran<\/em>
\n Through caverns measureless to man<\/em>
\n Down to a sunless sea<\/em>.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n