Summary:\u00a0 A series of misfortunes with the opposite sex threatens Joe’s relationship with his family and brings his life into mortal danger.<\/p>\n
While the story centers on Joe, the rest of the family also features.<\/p>\n
WC 44,000 \u00a0 Rated: T<\/p>\n
Contains scenes and themes that might be considered of an adult nature.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Author’s note:\u00a0 This story began as a WIP in the Forums, there is an extended MA rated version of chapter 11 posted on page 2.\u00a0 Please heed the Brand rating guideline before clicking the link contained within this story.<\/p>\n
Dancing With Angels<\/strong><\/p>\n My life was going from bad to worse.<\/p>\n Reins loose in one hand, other arm hugging my middle, I slumped in the saddle.\u00a0 The bay gelding beneath me shook his head and looked back at me as if he wondered why we had come to a halt yet again.\u00a0 Overhead the thunder rumbled louder and the horse shifted nervously.<\/p>\n Where the hell was I?<\/p>\n I lifted my head with an effort.\u00a0 Around me, the empty scrubland ran away to the hills on the far horizon, familiar yet unfamiliar.\u00a0 This might have been one of a hundred spots on the Ponderosa, but it wasn\u2019t.\u00a0\u00a0 It wasn\u2019t anywhere I knew.\u00a0 The faint trail I had been following for the last three hours stretched away in front of me to nowhere, an unfulfilled promise of humanity in the faded wheel ruts.\u00a0 Jaundiced clouds pressed heavily against the approaching dusk and the day felt ill, tired. \u00a0A bout of shivering convulsed me.\u00a0 When had the evening grown so cold?\u00a0\u00a0 Another growl of thunder and the horse tossed his head.\u00a0 I urged him forward again, the rhythmic sway of the animal\u2019s movement the only soothing element in an existence that had contracted into a tightening sphere of throbbing pain in my middle.\u00a0 I knew the bullet still lodged in my left side was going to kill me.<\/p>\n Something cold and wet smacked into the back of my hand.\u00a0 I opened my eyes and stared blankly at the small glistening patch just below the purple bruises on my middle knuckle.\u00a0 The horse was still moving forward, as if he understood the need to reach a destination even if his rider had long since stopped caring.\u00a0 I wondered if I had dozed off.\u00a0 The sky seemed darker; the landscape had closed in around me.\u00a0 Several more hard pellets of water smacked into my legs, leaving dark spots on the dusty fabric that quickly expanded into irregular smudges.<\/p>\n An unexpected sound rose above the patter of the raindrops and the next low growl of thunder.\u00a0 Dogs.\u00a0 Barking.\u00a0 The horse\u2019s ears flickered. A faint flutter of hope pushed back the misery of the pulsing pain.\u00a0 Signs of civilization.\u00a0 Half a mile, maybe less.<\/p>\n And then, my luck being what it was, the heavens opened in one almighty torrent.<\/p>\n By the time I reached the farm, I was already drenched.\u00a0 Three dogs of varying sizes pranced around my horse\u2019s legs as I rode into the yard, their warning barking now a raucous frenzy.\u00a0 The first deluge of the storm had swept past in a blinding fury, and the rain had settled to a steady downpour.\u00a0 My sodden clothes clung to my body like a thick, cold skin.\u00a0 The continuing rumbles of thunder still carried menace, and the encroaching gloom of an early dusk boded more to come.<\/p>\n \u201cStop right there!\u201d\u00a0 The disembodied voice carried clearly over the drumming of rain on roofs and ground.\u00a0 Half insensible as I was, I thought it sounded like a woman\u2019s.<\/p>\n Squinting through the stormy darkness, I made out the barrel of a shotgun protruding from a window of the plain square house in front of me.\u00a0 My horse was fidgeting restlessly, distressed by the thunder and the yapping dogs.\u00a0 Clamping my chattering teeth together, I forced my voice out between them.<\/p>\n \u201cMy name\u2019s Joe.\u00a0 Joe Brown.\u201d\u00a0 I realized too late I should have thought of another name, but I didn\u2019t have the strength left to think any more.\u00a0 \u201cJust looking for somewhere dry to sleep.\u201d<\/p>\n There was a long pause.\u00a0 I sagged in my saddle.\u00a0 The shotgun waggled.\u00a0 \u201cYou can\u2019t stay here. Turn your horse around and leave.\u201d<\/p>\n I was on the brink of despair.\u00a0 \u201cIf I could just bunk down in your barn\u2026.\u201d<\/p>\n My horse danced as the shotgun exploded.\u00a0 \u201cClear out!\u201d warned the bodiless voice, \u201cor the next shot won\u2019t be wide.\u201d<\/p>\n It was almost more of an effort than I could muster to turn my unhappy horse and head back out of the yard.\u00a0 In the rain-drenched darkness, I could see little.\u00a0 Not that it mattered.\u00a0 I was struggling to stay upright, my head swimming like the ground below me.\u00a0 I knew if I didn\u2019t stop and climb down soon, I was likely to topple out of my saddle.<\/p>\n I was crossing grass, a flat featureless meadow, when the lightning came from nowhere; a blinding white flash that I swear struck the ground only feet in front of us, accompanied by an almighty thunderclap that made the whole earth shake.\u00a0 My horse reared with a terrified scream and I, with a strange sense of destiny, felt myself sail out of the saddle and hit the ground with a hollow thud.<\/p>\n Dazed and disorientated, I lay there for several stunned seconds while the invisible clouds in the torn sky above me shuddered in rage and tipped another vicious torrent down on my spread-eagled body.\u00a0 I cast my bleary eyes around helplessly for my horse, but knew in that instant that I was alone.\u00a0 The unhappy creature had fled, abandoning me in the middle of a cold, wet nowhere.<\/p>\n I don\u2019t know why I started to crawl.\u00a0 It wasn\u2019t a conscious decision.\u00a0 I had reached such a stage of exhaustion, all I had left was instinct, and something deep down inside me was not prepared to give up, even though I had no strength left even to walk.\u00a0 So I crawled, over the wet grass with no idea where I was going or what I hoped to do.<\/p>\n With my head drooping and my eyes closed, I noticed the building in front of me only when I collided with it.\u00a0 Relief brought a small surge of renewed energy.\u00a0 Dripping, I hauled myself to my feet and blinked rain from my eyes, but I could see little.\u00a0 I reached out, groping.\u00a0 My fingers encountered a latch, a door jamb.\u00a0 The logs felt rough.\u00a0 I could see no light.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t care.\u00a0 A door meant shelter.\u00a0 Whether it was a barn, a shack, even an outhouse, I just wanted to be out of the rain, to curl up in a ball and sleep.<\/p>\n I tugged at the latch but the door did not open. \u00a0My fumbling fingers found more metal.\u00a0 A lock. The door was secured.\u00a0 I rested my head against the slimy wood, a moan of despair erupting unbidden from my throat.\u00a0 Luck had left me long ago.\u00a0 I had a bullet in my side, I was cold, wet and lost, and I was going to die, alone in a thunderstorm.<\/p>\n Still my mind refused to give up.\u00a0 Supporting my weight against the wall, I fumbled my way around the outside of the building, my final hope a window I could break.\u00a0 By the time I reached the far side of the building and realized there was none, I was spent.\u00a0 I turned my back to the wall and lifted my face to the sky.\u00a0 Was I mistaken or was the rain beginning to ease?<\/p>\n \u201cYou win, God,\u201d I whispered, and felt myself slumping, my body sliding uselessly down the side of the building.<\/p>\n I guess I passed out.\u00a0 I don\u2019t recall hitting the ground.\u00a0 I remember only how cold I was.\u00a0 And the fire in my side, like a knife, twisting and twisting.\u00a0 There were voices too; just out of reach.\u00a0 Always out of reach.\u00a0 Talking to me.\u00a0 Saying words that meant nothing.\u00a0 Pa\u2019s voice, and Hoss\u2019s, and Adam\u2019s.\u00a0 And my mother.\u00a0 I called out to her, but I couldn\u2019t see her.\u00a0 There was only her voice.<\/p>\n And then there was a bed.\u00a0 How did I get from the field to the bed?\u00a0 There were sheets wrapped around me, sticking to my body like my wet clothes.\u00a0 I was so, so cold.\u00a0 I called out to my mother to bring me blankets.\u00a0 A quilt.\u00a0 Her voice played in my head, over and over.\u00a0 I even heard her singing to me.\u00a0 In French.\u00a0 I knew the words of the song so I sang it with her, and even though the pain in my side was bad, I laughed.\u00a0 Laughed and shivered, and moaned with pain.<\/p>\n Hours?\u00a0 Days?\u00a0 I had no idea how long I lay, tossing and turning and dreaming my muddled dreams.\u00a0 I only know that there came a time when I opened my eyes and knew who I was again, but nothing else.\u00a0 I had no knowledge of where<\/em> I was or what day it was, or how I had come to be there; only that I was inexplicably alive, still hurting, between the sheets of a bed, in a room I didn\u2019t know, with a bladder desperate for attention.<\/p>\n At least I wasn\u2019t cold any more.\u00a0 The left side of my face was pressed into a soft white pillow.\u00a0 Immediately in front of me was an unfamiliar wall.\u00a0 My side was throbbing, a smoldering ache now rather than the searing agony of before.\u00a0 Without moving my head, I let my eyes take in the little they could see of my unfamiliar surroundings.\u00a0 As my gaze wandered, I became aware that the objects I was seeing were not entirely new to me and my sluggish brain recalled muddled remnants of earlier moments of consciousness: a pillow, cream linen with a narrow lace edging; a turned bedpost of dark polished wood; a soft, green quilt.\u00a0 Before, I had imagined them to be elements of a muddled dream, but they were real, solid.\u00a0 Beyond the edge of the bed was a nightstand with an enamel bowl and a couple of bottles, and behind that, a wall of bare wood.<\/p>\n Sounds of movement filtered through the grey fog clouding my head.\u00a0 Turning my head, I took in the rest of the room, my brain still several steps behind my eyes.\u00a0 There was a door on the other side of the bed, standing wide.\u00a0 Framed by the doorway was the rectangular section of a second room.\u00a0 Beyond that, another door, standing open to the heat of the day. The brightness outside threw the small part of the interior I could see into shadow, but there was a chair and the edge of a table; a patterned rug on the floor, one end of a dresser, blue-patterned plates on a shelf.\u00a0 There were sounds coming from somewhere out of sight.\u00a0 Pans clattering.<\/p>\n Memories began to fall back into place.\u00a0 With each one, my stomach sank a little lower into despair. Anna Weslingam; John Sturry; the fight in the saloon; the scent of honey in Evie\u2019s hair; the bullet in my side.\u00a0 A sense of desolation rose inside me as I remembered why I had been in that miserable town, that dreary saloon, in the first place, and why I could no longer go home.<\/p>\n Darn, but I had to pee!\u00a0 I shuffled my body higher into the pillows, gritting my teeth against the stab of protest from my punctured side, and only then registered that my clothes were gone.\u00a0 The shock was brief; almost instantly, I caught sight of them, draped neatly over the back of a chair, against the wall at the foot of the bed.\u00a0 I made to roll over and sit up.\u00a0 Instantly the room misted as pain exploded in my side. Unable to stop myself, I swore aloud.<\/p>\n \u201cLie still,\u201d ordered a voice that was vaguely familiar; a woman\u2019s voice, sharp, like a schoolteacher\u2019s.<\/p>\n My breath steadied as the worst of the agony subsided.\u00a0 The view of the door had vanished behind folds of reddish brown fabric.\u00a0 I let my gaze travel upwards, slowly.\u00a0 A loose shirt of a paler shade with the hint of curves beneath; a smooth neck\u2014definitely not a man\u2019s.\u00a0 Abruptly, my eyes halted when they reached the face.\u00a0 Shock held me stunned for several moments before my lethargic brain alerted me to my own rudeness, and I dragged my gaze away again.<\/p>\n The woman was tall and straight and fair-haired, but her most noticeable feature was the hideous scar that ran the length of her face, from her right temple down to her chin, contorting her features out of all symmetry.\u00a0 It was pale and puckered and ugly, and I found my gaze drawn to it against my will.<\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019s all right.\u201d\u00a0 There was an unmistakable note of bitterness in the voice.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m used to being stared at.\u201d<\/p>\n I looked at her again.\u00a0 She had turned the damaged side of her face away from me.<\/p>\n \u201cYou need to lie still,\u201d she instructed, in her stony, no nonsense voice.\u00a0 \u201cI got that bullet out of you in the end, but it\u2019s not pretty.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhere am I?\u201d<\/p>\n She laughed; a harsh, humorless sound.\u00a0 \u201cGood question.\u00a0 Back end of nowhere.\u00a0 One of the corners of this earth that God forgot.\u201d\u00a0 She waved a hand vaguely to her left.\u00a0 \u201cKeep going twenty miles that way and you\u2019ll hit Angels Creek, a misnomer for a town if ever there was one.\u201d<\/p>\n It took me a few moments to take in what she\u2019d said and to remember that I had found an angel in that town.\u00a0 An angel who was dead now.<\/p>\n \u201cHow did I get here?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI found you on the other side of my field, the morning after the storm.\u00a0 Remember?\u00a0 Thought you were dead.\u201d\u00a0 She adjusted the sheets around me.\u00a0 \u201cWould\u2019ve been a lot less trouble if you had been.\u201d<\/p>\n I shifted uncomfortably.\u00a0 Exhaustion was already tugging me back towards sleep. \u201cI have to get up.\u201d<\/p>\n She laughed again, the sound as harsh as before.\u00a0 \u201cI don\u2019t think so.\u00a0 How long had that bullet been festering inside you anyway?\u201d<\/p>\n I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to remember the details, but I was too weary.\u00a0 My mind refused to cooperate.<\/p>\n \u201cToo long,\u201d she told me, answering her own question.\u00a0 \u201cI don\u2019t even know why you\u2019re still alive.\u00a0 And you won\u2019t be getting out of that bed just yet.\u00a0 I\u2019m afraid, Joe Brown, we\u2019re stuck with each other for a while longer.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe Brown?<\/em>\u00a0 I frowned, confused.\u00a0 More memories pushed their way back in, and I felt sick again.\u00a0 I opened my eyes again, but didn\u2019t meet hers.\u00a0 \u201cWhat day is it?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cTuesday.\u201d<\/p>\n My sluggish brain tried to make the calculation and failed.<\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019s been four days,\u201d she said, filling in the gaps for me.<\/p>\n \u201cFour days!\u201d\u00a0 I gaped at her in horrified disbelief as reality sank in. \u201cI\u2019ve been here four days?\u00a0 You\u2019ve been looking after me all that time?\u00a0 Just you?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo one else here.\u00a0 It was that or leave you to die outside.\u201d\u00a0 She gave me a sharp look.\u00a0 \u201cI won\u2019t lie to you; it crossed my mind.\u201d<\/p>\n My stomach seemed to shrink as I thought about this woman nursing me all that time.\u00a0 I could sense the blood burning in my face.\u00a0 Well, I was awake now.\u00a0 I could take care of my own needs.\u00a0 I made another attempt to sit up and the room spun away from me again in another swirl of giddy pain.\u00a0 A strong hand pushed me back on the pillows.<\/p>\n \u201cI told you, you aren\u2019t going anywhere.\u00a0 Leastways, not yet.\u201d<\/p>\n I bit my lip.\u00a0 \u201cI have to,\u201d I muttered.\u00a0 \u201cI have to get up.\u00a0 I need to\u2026\u201d\u00a0 I screwed my face in embarrassment.\u00a0 \u201cI need to…\u201d<\/p>\n The woman moved away to the dresser.\u00a0 To my horror, when she turned back, she was holding a jar in her hands.<\/p>\n \u201cThis?\u201d she said, and my stomach plummeted.<\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019s all right,\u201d I muttered quickly, desperation overcoming my exhaustion.\u00a0 \u201cI can manage.\u201d<\/p>\n She came back to the bedside.\u00a0 I closed my eyes, willing it all to be a bad dream, but when I opened them again, she was still there, holding that danged container in her hands.\u00a0 I groaned inwardly, but my discomfort was pressing.\u00a0 Sooner or later I was going to have to resign myself to my fate.\u00a0 I could at least sit up, I told myself.\u00a0 I could surely muster enough strength to pee into a bottle.\u00a0 But as soon as I tried to move, another blast of agony coursed through me, and the grey mist closed in around me again.\u00a0 For a few anxious moments, I thought I might faint or throw up.<\/p>\n \u201cHere,\u201d she said.\u00a0 \u201cLet me help.\u201d<\/p>\n I thought she was offering to help me sit up, then I felt her hand drawing down the sheets and realized what she\u2019d actually meant.\u00a0 But the room was still swimming behind the fog in my brain.\u00a0 I wasn\u2019t certain I could even remain conscious, let alone argue with her.\u00a0 I turned my face away as if by not watching, I could convince myself this nightmare wasn\u2019t happening.<\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019s all right,\u201d she told me, as I tried to pretend her hands were not doing what I knew they were doing.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m a married woman.\u201d<\/p>\n I turned my face away into the pillow.\u00a0 My life had become like a bad dream that was never going to end.\u00a0 How had I ended up in this predicament?\u00a0 How had this nightmare begun?<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Chapter 2<\/strong><\/p>\n I guess it all started the day Sheriff Coffee escorted me home after the unfortunate incident in the bank, like a truant kid, marched back to my pa for throwing stones through the schoolroom window.\u00a0 Except I\u2019m not a kid any more, I\u2019m eighteen years old.<\/p>\n Pa was in the chair on the porch when Roy Coffee pulled up in the yard, with that \u201cwhat\u2019s he done now?\u201d look on his face.\u00a0 Hoss came out of the barn, wiping grease from his hands on a rag. At least he<\/em> looked concerned.\u00a0 And as Sheriff Coffee climbed down and untied Cochise, Adam appeared in the doorway of the house, and I groaned inwardly.\u00a0 Great!\u00a0 The whole family present to witness my humiliation.\u00a0 Just perfect!<\/p>\n \u201cAfternoon, Roy,\u201d said my father, getting up with difficulty.\u00a0 His back was no better.\u00a0 The whole reason I\u2019d been in town in the first place was Pa\u2019s bad back.<\/p>\n \u201cI have to go into the bank,\u201d he\u2019d said that morning, getting up with difficulty from the breakfast table and hobbling as far as the credenza.\u00a0 With both hands pressed flat against the top, he pulled a face and muttered a few incoherent words under his breath.<\/p>\n We all looked at each other, then at Pa, with his face all scrunched in pain.\u00a0 Adam\u2019s eyebrow went up.\u00a0 \u201cLet\u2019s face it, Pa, you\u2019re not going anywhere in your condition.\u201d<\/p>\n A sleepless night and the pain in his back were making Pa tetchy.\u00a0 \u201cI don\u2019t have a choice, Adam.\u00a0 Jim Holden is bringing that bull over first thing tomorrow and I promised him cash.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWell then, I\u2019ll go,\u201d said Adam, the voice of reason, but Pa shook his head.<\/p>\n \u201cYou and Hoss are bringing that timber down.\u00a0 That\u2019s got to be done too.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWe can put that off for a day.\u201d<\/p>\n Pa was getting more bad-tempered by the moment.\u00a0 Nothing makes him grouchier than feeling old.\u00a0 So I made the obvious suggestion.\u00a0 \u201cWhy don\u2019t I go?\u00a0 I\u2019m not doing anything that can\u2019t be put off until tomorrow.\u00a0 I\u2019m just riding fence.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cRight!\u201d said Adam, fixing me with one of his withering glances.\u00a0 \u201cLike we\u2019d trust you to look after a load of cash!\u201d<\/p>\n Things hadn\u2019t been too good between me and Adam the last couple of weeks, so now he was on the lookout for any chance to take another dig at me.\u00a0 It was all because of Jane Morland, of course, but he just wouldn\u2019t let it go.\u00a0 It wasn\u2019t even as if I\u2019d actually done anything wrong, but Adam didn\u2019t see it that way.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m perfectly capable of bringing back some cash from the bank!\u201d\u00a0 I fired back at him.<\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019s not some cash, Joseph,\u201d put in Pa, \u201cit\u2019s a thousand dollars.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou can trust me.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cRight!\u201d said Adam again, the sarcasm in his voice so thick it rivaled the syrup in the jar on the table.\u201d<\/p>\n I could feel my temper fraying. \u201cJust quit it, Adam!\u201d\u00a0 I threw down my napkin and glared at him as he glared back.\u00a0 \u201cJust because Jane Morland isn\u2019t interested in you!\u201d<\/p>\n Adam slammed down his napkin too, with an angry thud of his fist on the table.\u00a0 \u201cWell, we\u2019ll never know now, will we?\u00a0 Thanks to you!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cBoys, that\u2019s enough!\u201d snapped Pa from his hunched position by the door.\u00a0 \u201cI told you, I don\u2019t want to hear any more about those Morland girls.\u00a0 Just drop the subject.\u00a0 Joe, you can ride into town and get the money from the bank.\u00a0 I\u2019ll write a note for you.\u201d<\/p>\n Adam made a derisory snorting noise.\u00a0 Hoss, who had been busy munching toast while the argument hammered the table around him, spoke up in his usual placid tones.\u00a0 \u201cAw, come on, Adam, Joe\u2019ll be fine fetching the money from town.\u00a0 You know he will.\u201d<\/p>\n I flashed Hoss an appreciative glance.\u00a0 At least one<\/em> of my brothers had some faith in me.<\/p>\n I saw Adam\u2019s face harden and sensed more trouble.\u00a0 \u201cSo he\u2019s paid you back the ninety dollars he lost in that poker game, has he, Hoss?\u201d<\/p>\n My mouth fell open.\u00a0 How did Adam know about that<\/em>?\u00a0 I looked at Hoss, who was frozen in guilt, a fresh slice of toast poised inches from his mouth.\u00a0 Hoss\u2019s nose wrinkled a silent apology.<\/p>\n \u201cPoker game?\u201d\u00a0 Pa\u2019s ears had pricked. I rolled my eyes upwards.\u00a0 I knew where this was leading.\u00a0 I\u2019d had enough lectures from Pa on the evils of gambling.\u00a0 \u201cWhat\u2019s Adam talking about, Joseph?\u00a0 When were you playing poker?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cGee, thanks Adam!\u201d\u00a0 I rose from my chair and leaned forward across the table.\u00a0 \u201cAll I can say is, Jane Morland should be thankful she was spared a sly, two-faced weasel like you!\u201d<\/p>\n Pa\u2019s back may have been bad, but there was nothing wrong with his ears, and he could still bellow louder than an angry bull.<\/p>\n \u201cJoseph!\u00a0 That\u2019s enough!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHe started it, Pa!\u201d\u00a0 I didn\u2019t mean to sound like an angry kid; it just came out that way.<\/p>\n \u201cNo, you<\/em> started it!\u00a0 You started it the moment you couldn\u2019t keep your grubby little paws off Rachel Morland!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAdam!\u201d yelled Pa, still propping himself against the credenza.<\/p>\n \u201cYou\u2019re just jealous!\u201d I spat back at Adam.\u00a0 \u201cJust because her sister gave you the cold shoulder!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cJoseph!\u201d hollered Pa. \u201cI\u2019ve had enough of this.\u201d\u00a0 He pushed himself off the credenza, wincing, and limped back to the table, standing between us, like a crippled referee.\u00a0 \u201cI will not tolerate fighting in this house.\u00a0 Now apologize to each other, both of you.\u201d<\/p>\n Adam and I continued to glare at each other as we both grunted something resembling a half-hearted apology.\u00a0 Pa fixed each of us in turn with his steely gaze.\u00a0 \u201cYou,\u201d he said to Adam and raised his eyes to take in Hoss, \u201cand you!\u00a0 Fetch down that timber.\u201d\u00a0 His gaze swiveled to me.\u00a0 \u201cAnd you, Joseph, will go to the bank and collect the cash.\u00a0 And you will stay out of trouble, do you hear me?\u201d<\/p>\n I was still breathing heavily, but I nodded.\u00a0 \u201cYes, Pa.\u201d\u00a0 I knew I looked gleeful.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t care.\u00a0 It would do Adam good to be taken down a peg or two.\u00a0 He gave me a disdainful look that said clearly he knew I would mess up.<\/p>\n Dang blast my smug, know-it-all brother.\u00a0 He was right again!<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Chapter 3<\/strong><\/p>\n It hadn\u2019t been easy to climb down out of that buggy with dignity with all the bruises I\u2019d sustained.\u00a0 Pa\u2019s expression had changed instantly from exasperation to concern as he saw me wince.<\/p>\n \u201cJoseph, are you all right?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHe\u2019ll be fine, Ben,\u201d Roy answered, before I could say anything.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t know what made Roy so sure.\u00a0 He wasn\u2019t aching where I was aching.\u00a0 And I was just a little aggrieved to hear him making so light of my injuries.\u00a0 I knew I was going to need all the sympathy I could muster once Pa heard the rest of the sorry tale.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat happened?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHe was robbed,\u201d said Roy.<\/p>\n \u201cRobbed!\u201d<\/p>\n Pa, Hoss and Adam all started towards me together.<\/p>\n \u201cDagnabbit, Little Joe, someone attacked you?\u201d said Hoss, in a voice that said if he could have laid hands on the perpetrators of the crime, he\u2019d have dealt with them real good.<\/p>\n \u201cWhere are you hurt?\u201d Pa had almost forgotten his own pain in the light of mine.<\/p>\n I tried to look as hurt as I knew how as he put his hand on my shoulder and peered anxiously into my face.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m all right, Pa,\u201d I assured him, putting on my best brave smile.\u00a0 It wasn\u2019t all<\/em> for show.\u00a0 I was hurting for real, after all.\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cThey just beat me up some.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI had the doc check him over, Ben,\u201d said Roy.\u00a0 \u201cHe says he\u2019ll be stiff and sore for a few days, but nothing lasting.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWho beat you up, Joe?\u201d\u00a0 Even Adam was looking worried as he hurried across to add his support.\u00a0 For a moment, it seemed he\u2019d even forgotten Jane Morland.<\/p>\n \u201cThe fellers who took the money,\u201d I told him.<\/p>\n \u201cLet\u2019s get you inside,\u201d said Pa, putting his arm around my shoulder. \u00a0\u201cThanks for bringing him back, Roy.\u00a0 Come on in and I\u2019ll get Hop Sing to fix you something to eat and drink.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhat happened?\u201d asked Pa when we were all inside.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2026I\u2019m sorry, Pa.\u00a0 They took the thousand dollars.\u201d<\/p>\n Pa ruffled my hair the way he always did when he wanted to reassure me everything would be all right.\u00a0 \u201cThe money\u2019s not important, son.\u00a0 What\u2019s important is that you\u2019re safe.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThey got away,\u201d said Roy, shaking his head with regret.\u00a0 \u201cBut I think we\u2019ll be able to catch up with them.\u00a0 The woman should be easy enough to identify.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWoman?\u201d said Adam, and my heart sank.\u00a0 Any vague hope I\u2019d nursed that I could avoid having my family uncover all the embarrassing details of my ordeal evaporated into the late afternoon heat.\u00a0 I could already see the concern in my oldest brother\u2019s face was fast dissolving into suspicion.\u00a0 \u201cWhat woman?\u201d<\/p>\n Roy turned to me.\u00a0 Pa and Hoss were looking at me too.\u00a0 Obviously everyone expected me to pick up the story here.\u00a0 I debated an attempt to escape humiliation by staging a swoon, but the truth would come out sooner or later, I knew, so I made the decision to steel myself and get it over and done with.<\/p>\n \u201cThere was a woman.\u00a0 In the bank. I thought she was waiting for someone.\u201d\u00a0 I sighed.\u00a0 It seemed unwise to mention the reason I\u2019d noticed her was because she was real pretty, with a shy dimpled smile, and plenty of curves in all the right places. I pressed on, resigning myself to my fate.\u00a0 \u201cWell, as I was going out of the bank\u2014with the thousand dollars\u2014she was just leaving too.\u00a0 And outside the bank, she tripped; fell off the sidewalk.\u201d\u00a0 I shrugged.\u00a0 \u201cI helped her back to her feet, that\u2019s all.\u00a0 She thanked me and went to leave, but she was limping real bad.\u00a0 I couldn\u2019t just walk away and leave her.\u00a0 She said she was staying at the hotel, so I gave her a hand back to her room.\u201d<\/p>\n I paused for a moment.\u00a0 I knew I was reaching the tricky part of the story but I couldn\u2019t see any way to avoid telling it; not with Roy sitting right beside me.\u00a0 \u201cAnyways, she was in real pain from her twisted ankle so I offered to fetch the doctor.\u201d\u00a0 I cleared my throat, hoping I didn\u2019t sound as self-conscious as I felt.\u00a0 \u201cShe said she was sure a doctor wasn\u2019t required; that she was probably making a big fuss outta nothing, and would I mind taking a look at her ankle to see if I thought it was swollen.\u201d<\/p>\n The sympathy was fast leeching from the room; I could almost see it slipping away.\u00a0 I was conscious too of the blood rising in my face.\u00a0 I deemed it wisest to gloss over the next part of the story; the details of that pretty little ankle and the hint of a smooth curved calf, under my hands.\u00a0 \u201cAnd then this big feller came outta nowhere and thumped me hard on the back of the head with a walking stick or something.\u00a0 But he didn\u2019t knock me out; he just knocked me over.\u00a0 Then they both started laying into me\u2014the woman too\u2014and the feller brought that stick down right across my head, here.\u201d\u00a0 I touched the tender, swollen lump on my temple, and looked to Pa for commiseration. \u201cI guess that laid me out because I don\u2019t<\/p>\n remember anything else until the sheriff woke me up.\u201d\u00a0 I rubbed at the bruise, hoping to remind my family that I was the victim here.\u00a0 But Adam wasn\u2019t about to be fooled.<\/p>\n \u201cYou didn\u2019t suspect anything when she asked you to look at her ankle?\u201d<\/p>\n I bristled at the implied insult.\u00a0 \u201cNo.\u00a0 Why would I?\u201d<\/p>\n Adam\u2019s mouth tightened.\u00a0 \u201cWhat self-respecting female is going to invite a half-grown boy into her room to feel her ankle?\u00a0 You didn\u2019t think that was\u2026strange?\u201d<\/p>\n Heat rose in my cheeks, partly because of Adam\u2019s description of me as a \u201chalf-grown boy,\u201d and partly because I had known very well that no self-respecting woman would have made such an outrageous suggestion.\u00a0 What I wasn\u2019t about to confess was that part of me had dearly hoped that the woman would indeed turn out to be anything but<\/em> respectable.<\/p>\n \u201cNo,\u201d I lied, widening my eyes in innocence as I looked to Pa for support.\u00a0 \u201cShe was in pain, Pa.\u00a0 What was I supposed to do?\u00a0 Ignore her?\u201d<\/p>\n Pa had that exasperated expression back on his face.\u00a0 \u201cNo. No, of course not.\u00a0 But it would have been better if you\u2019d found another woman to help her instead, Joe.\u00a0 Adam\u2019s right about respectability.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWell, she wasn\u2019t <\/em>respectable, was she?\u201d I protested.\u00a0 \u201cShe was a crook!\u00a0 But I didn\u2019t know<\/em> that.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHe was just trying to help, Ben,\u201d said Roy, and my heart warmed in gratitude towards our dear old sheriff.\u00a0 Not everyone seemed to think I had ulterior motives.\u00a0 But Adam, standing with his arms crossed in front of him, was still fixing me with scathing eyes.<\/p>\n \u201cYou never learn, do you?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAdam!\u201d said Pa, in a warning rumble.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019ve got a headache,\u201d I said. It was true; I did.\u00a0 A thumping headache, where that stick had made contact with my skull.\u00a0 \u201cCan I go and lie down now, Pa?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOf course you can, son,\u201d said Pa, and Adam shifted.\u00a0 I heard his impatient intake of air.<\/p>\n \u201cThat\u2019s all you\u2019re going to say to him, Pa?\u00a0 He\u2019s lost a thousand dollars!\u00a0 I told you it would happen if you let him go.\u201d\u00a0 Burning resentment was coming off my oldest brother in hot waves.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m sorry about the money, Pa.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cSorry?\u201d\u00a0 Adam threw his hands out in despair.\u00a0 \u201cLike you were sorry about Rachel Morland, I suppose.\u00a0 You\u2019re sorry, but you never learn.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cPerhaps I should go,\u201d said the sheriff, trying to be tactful, but Pa shook his head.\u00a0 \u201cIt\u2019s all right, Roy.\u00a0 Adam, why don\u2019t you fetch some coffee for Roy?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhy?\u201d demanded Adam, all fired up now.\u00a0 \u201cDon\u2019t tell me you haven\u2019t heard all about what happened between the Cartwrights and the Morlands, Roy, because I know you have.\u00a0 The whole town knows. \u00a0Heck, no doubt the whole territory<\/em> knows by now.\u00a0 When I say the Cartwrights and the Morlands, I really mean my brother and Rachel Morland, although the rest of us have now been tarred with the same brush.\u00a0 All because Joe here is a consummate and incurable flirt whose behavior has now blighted the respectability of his entire family!\u201d<\/p>\n Adam was boiling!\u00a0 My cheeks and ears were burning.\u00a0 Pa was saying something like, \u201cWe\u2019ve been over this, Adam,\u201d and Hoss was protesting that things weren\u2019t that bad.\u00a0 Sheriff Coffee said, \u201cPeople have a great deal of respect for you, Adam, and Joe\u2019s just a kid,\u201d which didn\u2019t make me feel any better.\u00a0 Why did everything keep coming back to the Morland sisters?\u00a0 Was Adam never going to put that behind us?\u00a0 Sure he was supposed to have been real keen on Jane Morland.\u00a0 Hoss had told me that.\u00a0 But if he\u2019d liked her that<\/em> much, why hadn\u2019t he done something about it sooner?\u00a0 Sheesh!\u00a0 He\u2019d been mooning over her for months!\u00a0 I reckoned a lot of his anger with me was just plain old jealousy.\u00a0 That day of the Morlands\u2019 party, it had taken me only minutes to appreciate that Jane\u2019s sister was just the kind of girl I could get along with.\u00a0 Only difference was, I hadn\u2019t hung about like my older brother.\u00a0 What was so wrong with that?<\/p>\n \u201cWe didn\u2019t actually do<\/em> anything!\u201d I protested.<\/p>\n Adam did a passable impression of an astounded trout, his mouth opening and closing with no sound coming out.<\/p>\n \u201cThis isn\u2019t about the Morlands!\u201d shouted my poor, perplexed father.<\/p>\n \u201cBut it is, Pa!\u201d insisted Adam, finding his voice again.\u00a0 Personally, I\u2019d preferred him without.\u00a0 \u201cIt\u2019s about his total lack of decorum and common sense.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI only kissed her!\u201d I shouted into the melee, and immediately wished I hadn\u2019t as four pairs of incredulous eyes rounded on me and the room went silent.<\/p>\n \u201cGo and lie down, Joseph,\u201d said Pa in a voice that warned me not to argue.<\/p>\n \u201cBut it\u2019s true!\u201d I knew it was unwise to persist, but my sense of justice would not be denied.\u00a0 \u201cI only kissed her!\u201d<\/p>\n They were all still staring at me.\u00a0 When no one else said anything, Hoss cleared his throat.\u00a0 \u201cThere\u2019s kissin\u2019, and there\u2019s kissin\u2019<\/em>, Little Joe.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWe\u2019ve been over this already, Joseph.\u201d\u00a0 Pa\u2019s voice was dangerously quiet.\u00a0 \u201cYou know you overstepped the mark with Rachel Morland.\u00a0 And Adam\u2019s right. You\u2019re old enough to have more sense.\u00a0 Don\u2019t put yourself into compromising situations and you won\u2019t end up compromising yourself, or<\/em> the honor of your brothers.\u201d<\/p>\n I felt about six inches tall right then.\u00a0 There was still plenty of protest in me but even I knew it was not the right time to give vent to it.\u00a0 So, I gave Pa a small nod and a muttered apology and made my escape to my own room.<\/p>\n But I was not about to admit I was wrong.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Chapter 4<\/strong><\/p>\n So, I was barely eighteen years old and I was already considering swearing off women.\u00a0 They might be soft and pretty and shaped to make my mouth water, but they just brought me trouble.\u00a0 Even that ninety dollars I owed Hoss was down to a sweet-talking saloon girl who\u2019d persuaded me to join a poker game, then distracted my mind by sitting in my lap and whispering tempting suggestions into my ear.\u00a0 Then had come Rachel, with her big doe-soft eyes, innocently beguiling.\u00a0 And although her pa had blamed me<\/em> when he found us together in the barn, it was actually his daughter who\u2019d needed controlling that night!\u00a0 The devil comes in all kinds of innocent guises, and those big, sweet eyes of Rachel\u2019s sure hid some mischief.<\/p>\n Now this latest siren had appeared to tempt me to doom.\u00a0 A thousand dollars\u2019 worth of doom.\u00a0 Women were dangerous.\u00a0 Like juicy berries on a poisonous plant, they lured innocent men like me to destruction.\u00a0 Trouble was, I couldn\u2019t stop thinking about them.\u00a0 Hoss tried to help.\u00a0 He was my confidant; the only one I let in on my secret vow of celibacy.\u00a0 Adam would have laughed out loud; Pa would have sat me down and given me a talking to, and I\u2019d had enough of those lately to last me a lifetime.\u00a0 So, it was just Hoss and me.\u00a0 I knew I could rely on Hoss to be encouraging and helpful, in spite of his reservations.<\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019s not going to work, Little Joe,\u201d he said when I first told him how things were going to be from then on.\u00a0 \u201cFirst little girl who smiles at you, you\u2019ll be off again.\u201d<\/p>\n I was disappointed he thought me so weak-willed, but he was true to his word and helped keep my mind distracted, mostly by finding me plenty of extra chores to eat up all my energy and occupy my thoughts.\u00a0 It worked, to a point, although I still dreamed of girls.\u00a0 I could make Hoss\u2019s eyes pop out on stalks just telling<\/em> him about my dreams.<\/p>\n \u201cThere,\u201d I said to him at the end of a week.\u00a0 \u201cA whole week, and I ain\u2019t laid eyes on a girl.\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss wrinkled his nose at me.\u00a0 \u201cYeah, but Joe, there ain\u2019t any women round the Ponderosa, little brother.\u00a0 The real test is gonna be when you go into town Saturday night. There\u2019s the dance, remember?\u201d<\/p>\n I shrugged.\u00a0 \u201cI ain\u2019t going.\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss\u2019s eyes widened.\u00a0 \u201cYou ain\u2019t going?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNope.\u201d\u00a0 I shrugged.\u00a0 \u201cI ain\u2019t fussed about a dance.\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss knew I was lying.\u00a0 I\u2019m pretty sure he thought I\u2019d change my mind, but I was nothing if not determined.\u00a0 I stuck to my guns.\u00a0 I extracted some pleasure simply from seeing the expression on Adam\u2019s face, first when I said I wasn\u2019t going, and again, later, when he realized I actually meant<\/em> it.<\/p>\n Pa was the last one to know about my decision to reform.\u00a0 While Hoss and Adam were upstairs getting ready to ride into Virginia City for the dance, I plumped down on the sofa with a book in my hand.\u00a0 Pa glanced up from the newspaper he was reading and raised an eyebrow at me.<\/p>\n \u201cYou ought to be getting ready.\u00a0 You\u2019ll make your brothers late.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNot going.\u201d\u00a0 I opened my book.<\/p>\n \u201cNot going?\u201d\u00a0 Pa frowned.\u00a0 \u201cWhy not?\u00a0 You sick?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo, Pa.\u00a0 Just feel like an evening in.\u201d<\/p>\n He looked at me oddly.\u00a0 \u201cYou\u2019re not in any more trouble, are you, Joseph?\u201d<\/p>\n I looked offended.\u00a0 \u201cNo, Pa.\u00a0 And if I stay here with you, I can\u2019t get into any more trouble, can I?\u201d<\/p>\n So I stayed at home while my brothers went off to have a good time in Virginia City. I might have felt like a martyr, but I was secretly miserable all evening.\u00a0 I couldn\u2019t concentrate on my book for thinking about Hoss and Adam enjoying themselves at the dance.\u00a0 I tried to imagine who they\u2019d dance with.\u00a0 Would Emily Pearson be there?\u00a0 Next to Rachel Morland, she was the prettiest girl in Virginia City. \u00a0Her mother worked in the draper\u2019s and sewed Emily the fanciest dresses.\u00a0 The latest fashion for low, scooped necklines was a trend I was only too happy to admire.\u00a0 And the more closely I could admire it, the better.\u00a0 Thinking about Emily and her fashionably cut bodice drove me half to distraction.\u00a0 Pa kept flicking irritated glances at me over the top of his newspaper as I sighed and fidgeted and shuffled around in my chair.\u00a0 In the end, I took myself off to bed, no doubt to the relief of my father, and tormented myself by playing over and over in my head all the endless scenarios of what might<\/em> have happened if I had<\/em> gone to the dance instead of torturing myself by my enforced abstinence.<\/p>\n Still, it was a victory.\u00a0 I celebrated the next day by taking Hoss to the spot where Seth and I had watched the Indian girls bathing in the lake.\u00a0 As fortune would have it, just as I was recounting the details of that visitation to a round-eyed Hoss, half a dozen Indian women wandered down to the exact same spot.\u00a0 Hoss could hardly believe his luck, but I was disappointed.\u00a0 These weren\u2019t the nubile young creatures Seth and I had drooled over only two weeks previously, but older women.\u00a0 Hoss enjoyed it though, and I couldn\u2019t deny the educational value of the experience.\u00a0 And when the women had departed, Hoss and I plunged ourselves into the cold water because the day seemed to have grown unseasonably hot, and I decided there and then that maybe I was taking things to extremes.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t need to swear off women completely; I just needed to temper my enthusiasm.<\/p>\n And then my whole life turned upside down.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Chapter 5<\/strong><\/p>\n It seemed to me my family was secretly impressed by my new-found strength of character.\u00a0 Adam finally stopped harping on about Jane Morland.\u00a0 Personally I thought he should\u2019ve been grateful to me for saving him from a miserable future.\u00a0 Jane Morland is nothing like her younger sister; nowhere near as pretty; in fact, she\u2019s as prim and as uptight as an old school mistress.\u00a0 Anyways, who\u2019d want a father-in-law as poker-faced as Mr. Morland?<\/p>\n I\u2019d been living my reformed existence for a whole couple of months when Pa announced he\u2019d had interest from a cattle dealer in San Francisco and was hoping to seal a lucrative business deal.\u00a0 To the obvious surprise of all of us, he announced that he was putting me in charge.<\/p>\n \u201cYou\u2019ve made a big effort lately, Joseph,\u201d he said, \u201cand it hasn\u2019t gone unnoticed.\u00a0 I think you\u2019ve proved you can handle this responsibly.\u201d<\/p>\n I knew I could too, but it didn\u2019t stop me feeling proud that Pa had finally recognized I was a man grown now.<\/p>\n I set off for San Francisco with the knowledge that this was my big chance to prove myself. \u00a0I was determined not to mess up this time, and to get a price for those cattle that would make Pa proud of me. \u00a0It took a mammoth effort of will to steer clear of all the temptations of the big city, but I was a new person.\u00a0 Mature, sensible, trustworthy.<\/p>\n I handled that deal like a real businessman.\u00a0 Travelling home, I was so puffed up with my own self-pride I wonder there was room for anyone else inside that stagecoach.\u00a0 I could hardly wait to show Pa, Adam and Hoss the profit I\u2019d made, and let Pa know that his faith in me hadn\u2019t been misplaced.<\/p>\n Adam and Hoss were there to meet me off the stage.\u00a0 When they said it was time for me to discover the delights of Julia\u2019s Palace in recognition of my maturity and the good job I\u2019d done with the cattle sale, I forgot all about being a reformed character.\u00a0 Pa\u2019s real particular about places like Julia\u2019s Palace.\u00a0 He\u2019s real particular about most things, especially with me.\u00a0 If Pa\u2019d been there when I stepped off that stage from San Francisco, maybe none of the heartache would have happened.<\/p>\n Stepping over the threshold of the Palace, my stomach was somersaulting with excitement. \u00a0The place was filled with pretty girls; girls ready to do all the things I\u2019d always dreamed of doing.\u00a0 No coy protestations, no recriminations, no irate fathers.\u00a0 I was more than ready to be initiated into the heady delights of carnal pleasure; and all with the blessing of my benevolent brothers.<\/p>\n The moment I laid eyes on Julia Bulette, I knew she was special.\u00a0 It wasn\u2019t just her sophistication and the fact she was so beautiful, there was something in the way she looked at me.\u00a0 Like I was special too.\u00a0 Pa, Adam, Hoss, they all thought she was just humoring an eager kid, but I knew right from the start there was more to it than that.\u00a0 Sure, she was older than me.\u00a0 Old enough to be my mother, Adam said, but age isn\u2019t important.\u00a0 Not when someone\u2019s right.\u00a0 And Julia and I were right together.\u00a0 I know no one else thought so; no one in the town; not even my own family.\u00a0 But I knew it.\u00a0 In my heart.\u00a0 Where it matters.<\/p>\n Adam and Hoss believed they were doing me a favor that day.\u00a0 They never dreamed they were setting in motion a sequence of events that would come close to breaking our family apart.<\/p>\n Compared to Julia, every other woman in that place faded into insignificance.\u00a0 I\u2019d known plenty of pretty girls, but Julia was different.\u00a0 She changed me; taught me so much.\u00a0 And not just what I learned in her bed either, but wisdom, compassion, patience, understanding.\u00a0 Some people are beautiful, not just on the outside, but on the inside too, and Julia was one of those people.<\/p>\n When Pa found out about our relationship, he tried everything he could to end it.\u00a0 I guess I understand why he was so upset.\u00a0 Julia and I had become the talk of the town, and not in a good way.\u00a0 Nobody understood how I felt about her.\u00a0 I couldn\u2019t make any of them see.\u00a0 Pa and I argued.\u00a0 Seemed like every time we spoke to each other, we finished up arguing.\u00a0 In the end, I left the Ponderosa; moved into town so I could be near Julia.\u00a0 Hoss said that near broke Pa\u2019s heart.\u00a0 I know it was wrong, but it didn\u2019t feel wrong at the time, and I\u2019m not ashamed I did it.\u00a0 It felt like the right thing to do.\u00a0 The only thing to do.<\/p>\n Julia taught me what it meant to love a woman, but she also broke my heart. I still wasn\u2019t able to think about her without feeling like my gut was about to tear in two.\u00a0 The night she died, part of my heart went with her and I didn\u2019t know how it was ever going to heal.\u00a0 We didn\u2019t talk about her much in our house.\u00a0 Sometimes I wished we could, but I could see how the memories hurt Pa, and Adam and Hoss just didn\u2019t seem to know what to say.\u00a0 Maybe they regretted taking me into the Palace that day, but some things are destined to happen, and I didn\u2019t regret knowing Julia.\u00a0 I just regretted that fate snatched her away from me.<\/p>\n Julia changed us.\u00a0 Not just me, but Pa, Adam and Hoss too.\u00a0 When I went back home with them, the night Julia died, we all knew things could never go back to the way they had been.\u00a0 On the surface everything seemed the same.\u00a0 We all went about our chores; Adam and Hoss still teased me; Pa still scolded us all.\u00a0 But there were subtle differences.\u00a0 It was as if we all somehow acknowledged we could no longer take each other for granted.<\/p>\n I didn\u2019t leave the ranch much for a long time.\u00a0 I couldn\u2019t face town, people\u2019s eyes following me, some accusing, others pitying.\u00a0 I languished in a dark well of grief for weeks while my family tiptoed around me and pretended that everything would get better in time.<\/p>\n I guess they were right.\u00a0 The hurt didn\u2019t go away, but I learned to live with it. Most of the time.\u00a0 Sometimes it got so bad, I would have to go somewhere and be on my own till the worst of it eased.\u00a0 But that old saying that life goes on is right.\u00a0 The sun comes up every day and goes down every night, whether we live or we die.\u00a0 When Julia first died, I didn\u2019t see how I could go on without her.\u00a0 But somehow, I did.\u00a0 I thought of Pa, losing three wives and I wondered how he could still smile, yet he did.\u00a0 Our own little tragedies are just part of the relentless rhythm of the universe.\u00a0 Adam said that, not me.\u00a0 But he was right.\u00a0 Whole days would go by when I didn\u2019t weep for Julia.<\/p>\n Pa said I was young and the young heal faster.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t know if that was true.\u00a0 It sure felt like a long, dark winter to me.\u00a0 But with the spring, Pa and my brothers had taken off the kid gloves and were more or less back to treating me like normal.\u00a0 What had happened had cast a shadow over our family that would never fully disperse, but I was back to accompanying my brothers to the socials, and I had learned to laugh again and enjoy a pretty smile and the feel of a girl in my arms as we danced.<\/p>\n +++++<\/p>\n At the end of March, a letter arrived that diverted the attention of all of us.\u00a0 It was from an old college buddy of Adam\u2019s, a feller with the unlikely name of Archibald Weslingham.<\/p>\n \u201cHe\u2019s English,\u201d said Adam, when Hoss and I doubled over laughing, as if being English explained the ridiculousness of his name.\u00a0 \u201cAt least, his family is English.\u00a0 His father is a baron or something.\u201d\u00a0 He frowned at us over the top of the letter as we pulled our faces tight and pretended to doff top hats at each other.\u00a0 \u201cHe and his wife are traveling and want to spend a few weeks here on the Ponderosa.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhen?\u201d asked Pa, sifting through his own mail and paying no attention whatsoever to Hoss and me.<\/p>\n \u201cMay,\u201d Adam continued skimming the neatly penned script, a little smile lifting the corners of his mouth.\u00a0 \u201cHe sounds just the same as he always did in college.\u00a0 He had a real dry sense of humor.\u00a0 We used to sing together in the choir, you know.\u201d<\/p>\n I was already losing interest in Archibald Weslingham.\u00a0 Turning back to Hoss, I put on my best aristocratic English accent.\u00a0 \u201cI say, Hoss, why don\u2019t you serve the sherry while I order some tea?\u201d<\/p>\n Pa glanced up from the letter he was reading and fixed me with a hard stare.\u00a0 \u201cDon\u2019t you have something useful you could be doing, Joseph?\u201d<\/p>\n The Weslinghams\u2019 proposed visit put my oldest brother in good spirits, and somehow lifted the mood of the entire household.\u00a0 Aside from recounting endless anecdotes from his college days with Archie, Adam became consumed with making sure everything was just right for the Weslinghams\u2019 stay.<\/p>\n \u201cArchie is very particular,\u201d he explained, when he ordered a new rug and bedspread for the guest room even though the existing furnishings looked fine to my apparently un<\/em>particular eyes.\u00a0 \u201cRemember, he comes from a house where they have servants to run every errand.\u201d<\/p>\n My misgivings about Archibald Weslingham grew when Adam started talking to Hop Sing about afternoon tea, and whether there was time to make a special order for Earl Grey.\u00a0 When I asked Adam who Earl Grey was, he simply rolled his eyes at me and called me a Philistine.\u00a0 I was pretty certain that was an insult.\u00a0 A week before the Weslinghams\u2019 arrival, I rode into town with him to collect a couple of crates of some expensive wine he was sure would appeal to Archie\u2019s discerning palate.<\/p>\n \u201cHe drinks a lot, does he, Archibald?\u201d I\u2019d asked when I\u2019d heard Pa and Adam discussing the wine.\u00a0 Adam had shot me a look that said he couldn\u2019t hope to make me understand.\u00a0 \u201cNo, younger brother,\u201d he\u2019d told me, in a tone reserved for half wits.\u00a0 \u201cHe just appreciates good wine.\u00a0 What\u2019s more, he sips<\/em>, he doesn\u2019t slurp<\/em>!\u201d<\/p>\n Slurp<\/em>?I was pretty sure I\u2019d just been insulted again. \u00a0But all the trouble Adam was going to, preparing for the Weslinghams\u2019 arrival, did generate a buzz of excitement around the Ponderosa.\u00a0 As far as I could see, with so much fuss being made to ensure everything was just so, Archibald and his wife had to amount to minor royalty at least.\u00a0 I\u2019d already formed my own impression of what Archibald would look like.\u00a0 He was an aristocrat, of English birth, and addicted to books, or so Adam said.\u00a0 I couldn\u2019t imagine anyone more of a bookworm than my older brother, but Archibald, according to Adam, had a brain the size of Boston.\u00a0 In my mind, he was thin and pale, possibly bespectacled, with goofy teeth, a high collar and a nasally English voice.\u00a0 I wondered how he would even survive the trip out West to the Ponderosa.<\/p>\n Adam went into town the day the visitors were due, to meet them from the stage.\u00a0 Hoss and I were under strict instructions to look presentable when he returned, and not to mess up anything around the house and yard.\u00a0 And not<\/em> to eat the scones and fruit cake Hop Sing had been specially instructed to bake\u2014from an English recipe\u2014in honor of the Weslinghams\u2019 arrival.\u00a0 Adam\u2019s fussing had reached such a pitch the evening before and that morning that it had become contagious, and Pa, Hoss and I were in an irrational state of nervous anticipation as we waited for the return of the buggy from town.<\/p>\n \u201cDang!\u201d said Hoss, as the rig trundled into the yard and we hurried out to meet it.\u00a0 \u201cThat ain\u2019t no Archibald!\u201d<\/p>\n It took me a moment to get over the shock as I saw the lithe young man who had jumped down from the buggy.\u00a0 No spectacles, no stoop, no receding hairline. Archibald Weslingham, tall and broad-shouldered, was a blond version of my own older brother.\u00a0 Somehow, that revelation left me vaguely disappointed, but compensation was not long in coming, as Adam handed down Mrs. Weslingham from the back seat.<\/p>\n I hadn\u2019t given Archibald\u2019s wife much thought until that moment, but there, in the yard in front of us, was a compact but wonderfully constructed woman with eyes of radiant blue, and a perfect, full red pout of a mouth.\u00a0 She had to be at least ten years her husband\u2019s junior.\u00a0 Dainty hands smoothed the folds of her expensive silk traveling gown, carefully cut to highlight her perfect proportions.\u00a0 I had had little interest in anything female the whole winter.\u00a0 Without warning, I felt the old, familiar stirrings of appreciation tingling in my middle.<\/p>\n Hoss gave me a sharp dig in the ribs with his elbow.\u00a0 \u201cShut your mouth, little brother.\u00a0 You\u2019re drooling!\u201d<\/p>\n I wasn\u2019t exactly drooling, but I was<\/em> gaping.\u00a0 When Anna Weslingham turned her clear blue eyes my way, I felt a small tremor shiver through my belly.\u00a0 Maybe having Adam\u2019s old college buddy to stay wouldn\u2019t be dull after all.<\/p>\n Hoss and I gathered up assorted bags and boxes from the rig.\u00a0 Pa was leading the Weslinghams into the house.<\/p>\n \u201cSure brought plenty of luggage,\u201d commented Hoss, tucking a large hatbox beneath his arm.<\/p>\n Adam grabbed a carpet bag.\u00a0 \u201cThat\u2019s not all of it.\u00a0 The trunk\u2019s still in town.\u00a0 Someone will have to go back for that tomorrow.\u201d<\/p>\n I could hear Anna Weslingham\u2019s voice floating back clearly from the porch.\u00a0 \u201cOh, it\u2019s all so deliciously primitive, just as you said it would be, Archie.\u201d<\/p>\n Adam rolled his eyes at us.\u00a0 \u201cThat woman!\u201d he muttered.\u00a0 \u201cGive me patience, Lord!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhat\u2019s she do, d\u2019you reckon?\u201d \u00a0Hoss asked me as Adam stomped off after his guests.<\/p>\n I shrugged.\u00a0 \u201cWho cares what she does<\/em>.\u00a0 It\u2019s how she looks<\/em> that interests me!\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss stared after her and gave a wistful nod.\u00a0 \u201cYeah, she sure is a looker!\u00a0 But she\u2019s married, little brother.\u00a0 Don\u2019t you forget it.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Chapter 6<\/strong><\/p>\n It didn\u2019t take long to discover the source of Adam\u2019s exasperation.\u00a0 Sadly, Anna Weslingham\u2019s looks were her only real asset.\u00a0\u00a0 Certainly she hadn\u2019t been blessed in the intelligence department.\u00a0 Even I noticed it, and intelligent conversation ranks fairly low on my list of essential female graces.\u00a0 However, I was happy to forgive her any amount of stupid conversation and empty-headed giggling on account of her other attributes which, in my opinion, more than compensated.<\/p>\n The Weslinghams\u2019 first dinner at the Ponderosa was a formal affair.\u00a0 At Adam\u2019s insistence, Hoss and I had dutifully spruced ourselves up and put on our best suits and ties.\u00a0 Hop Sing had turned the table into a glittering work of art, with silver and crystal and fresh flowers.\u00a0 Archie Weslingham, slick and polished in a tailcoat and starched collar, appeared on the stairs, his dimpled wife resplendent in a shimmering gown of deep pink satin, with a bodice cut so low that, considering what it needed to contain, it bordered on dangerous.\u00a0 Her plump, bulging bosom, on the verge of spilling over, swelling and bobbing whenever she laughed and darn near threatening to tumble right out onto the table whenever she leaned forward (which wasn\u2019t nearly often enough, in my opinion!), held me spellbound the entire meal.\u00a0 She laughed plenty though, a high-pitched girlish giggle that might easily have been irritating had it not caused all that delightful creamy flesh to quiver so tantalizingly I had trouble swallowing my food.<\/p>\n It was at dinner I noticed Adam\u2019s smile becoming rigidly fixed as Mrs. Weslingham regaled him over and over with twittering observations about the relative merits of the two millinery stores in Virginia City, the fashionable length for cuffs, and the best place to buy silk ribbon.\u00a0 I couldn\u2019t help but relish a smug sense of satisfaction at Adam\u2019s stoic efforts to remain polite and look interested.<\/p>\n \u201cNever mind, older brother,\u201d I consoled him as we all rose from the table.\u00a0 \u201cIt\u2019s only for a few more weeks.\u201d<\/p>\n Adam gave me a look that would have withered a cactus.<\/p>\n We retired to the sofas and armchairs for coffee and brandy, and Mrs. Weslingham, who had drunk several glasses of wine, fidgeted restlessly while Pa and Adam and Archie talked about cattle prices and breeding stock.\u00a0 Finally, spotting the checkers board, she gave a little whoop of delight.\u00a0 \u201cCheckers!\u201d she exclaimed. \u201cI love to play!\u201d\u00a0 And she looked at Hoss and me and clapped her hands together.\u00a0 \u201cWho wants to challenge me?\u201d<\/p>\n The hand clap had set the plump mounds trembling once more.\u00a0 I swallowed hard and glanced at Hoss, but he had colored right up and was currently incapable of coherent speech so I knew it was up to me to do the noble thing.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019d be happy to give you a game, ma\u2019am,\u201d I said, forcing my gaze to her face and treating her to one of my most charming smiles.<\/p>\n She grabbed a cushion and dropped to the floor beside the low table.\u00a0 I followed her lead, barely able to believe my luck.\u00a0 Mrs. Weslingham leaned her elbows on the table, and her bosom on her forearms, so that the mouthwatering overspill rested almost on the edge of the board.\u00a0 It was the best game of checkers I ever played, even though I lost, but I hardly noticed that because Mrs. Weslingham clapped her hands together again in unfettered delight at her victory, causing the two objects of my present desire to respond with several gratifying bounces.\u00a0 I drank a glass of my father\u2019s best brandy and felt a true sense of contentment as we set the board for a rematch.<\/p>\n As much as I enjoyed admiring Anna Weslingham\u2019s feminine assets, it was apparent that, for her, the novelty of staying on a working ranch held few attractions.\u00a0 After the first few days, her giggles and endless exclamations gave way to drawn brows, heavy sighs and sulky shrugs.\u00a0 She was used to city life back East.\u00a0 She had told me\u2014over and over\u2014about her wide social circle; how, at home, she entertained daily and dined out most evenings.\u00a0 She was used to servants at her beck and call, and she bemoaned the absence of her maid, Libby.\u00a0 When I wondered aloud why she hadn\u2019t brought Libby with her, she pouted and threw a murderous look at her husband, across the room.<\/p>\n \u201cArchie wouldn\u2019t hear of it. He says I need to learn some independence; how to look after myself.\u201d\u00a0 Her brow came down in a scowl.\u00a0 \u201cSo now I have to dress myself and fix my own hair, so I look like a ragamuffin gypsy!\u201d<\/p>\n I cast my eye over her cornflower blue evening gown, and the rows of expensive pearls around her white throat, lingering unconsciously at the deliciously mysterious hollow of her deep, dark cleavage.<\/p>\n \u201cYou look very beautiful,\u201d I told her, and she flashed me a grateful smile.<\/p>\n \u201cYou\u2019re very sweet, Little Joe, but my hair!\u00a0 Libby always does such wonderful things to my hair, and now I feel half wild!\u201d<\/p>\n I looked at the thick, dark curls tumbling around her face and told her honestly that her hair looked beautiful too.<\/p>\n \u201cYou\u2019re very kind.\u201d\u00a0 She leaned forward and patted my hand.\u00a0 I loved it when she leaned in towards me and put all that wonderful flesh right under my gaze. My heart skipped a beat.<\/p>\n She turned her wide blue eyes on me, and I saw her desperation.\u00a0 \u201cArchie\u2019s talking about buying a ranch somewhere for himself.\u00a0 That\u2019s why he was so keen to come here. I don\u2019t want to live on a ranch, Little Joe!\u201d<\/p>\n I could see her point.\u00a0 Anna Weslingham was definitely not built to live on a ranch.\u00a0 I was sure her husband must be able to see that too, and said so.\u00a0 The sigh she heaved then caused that delectable, curved bosom to expand several inches, so it seemed to me it would rise right out of its wrappings, before it sank back down again with a tantalizing quiver.<\/p>\n \u201cHe says it would do me good.\u00a0 He\u2019s promised me a big house and servants and things.\u00a0 But what would I do<\/em> all day, little Joe?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou would be wasted on a ranch in the middle of nowhere, ma\u2019am,\u201d I agreed, nodding in sympathy.\u00a0 \u201cA lady like you needs society, and society needs you.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou see, you<\/em> understand, Little Joe!\u201d<\/p>\n She was right.\u00a0 I did understand.\u00a0 I understood where Archie, Adam\u2014even Pa\u2014didn\u2019t.\u00a0 Maybe it was because I\u2019m used to girls like Mrs. Weslingham; girls who talk about nothing but bonnets and gloves, ribbons and lace, combs and curls; whose biggest worry in life is how to keep their dresses from creasing, or the correct length for a peplum.\u00a0 Pa has no patience for that kind of chit-chat, and Adam\u2019s eyes glaze over if a girl can\u2019t talk intelligently about books or politics, but I weigh up all that meaningless chatter against a pretty face or some irresistible curves.\u00a0 Sometimes a man\u2019s gotta do what a man\u2019s gotta do, even if it means looking interested when his mind numbed over hours before.<\/p>\n I didn\u2019t understand Archie\u2019s attitude to his wife.\u00a0 On the one hand, he liked to parade her, showing her off like a smart new pocket watch or a new hat; at other times, he ignored her completely.\u00a0 There were even a few awkward occasions when he slighted her publicly.\u00a0 The second time it happened, I took Adam aside to see if he understood why.\u00a0 We\u2019d been talking about a ride into Carson City and Mrs. Weslingham had held up two hats and asked her husband which would be most suitable for the trip.\u00a0 He\u2019d rolled his eyes and responded, \u201cWhichever is the most unsuitable<\/em>, obviously, my dear, because that is the one you will always choose, isn\u2019t it?\u201d\u00a0 The disdain in his voice was so sharp it hit us all like a cold, wet facecloth, and for an unpleasant moment, the atmosphere in the room was doused in a chilly silence.\u00a0 The scathing tone was not lost on Mrs. Weslingham. Her cheeks flushed scarlet and her eyes brimmed instantly with hot tears of humiliation.<\/p>\n \u201cThat wasn\u2019t necessary,\u201d I said to Adam as we crossed to the barn to harness the rig.<\/p>\n Adam shrugged, but I could see he felt as uncomfortable as I did, for all his pretence that it didn\u2019t matter.\u00a0 \u201cHe meant it as a joke.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cIt didn\u2019t sound like a joke.\u201d<\/p>\n Adam shrugged again.<\/p>\n \u201cHe shouldn\u2019t treat her like that,\u201d I persisted, and when Adam still refused to be drawn, I added, \u201cHe did the same the other day.\u00a0 In front of the men.\u00a0 When she asked if branding steers hurts them.\u201d<\/p>\n Adam pulled open the barn door.\u00a0 \u201cWell, it was a dumb question.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNot to her it wasn\u2019t!\u201d<\/p>\n Adam stopped in the doorway, turned to face me and took a deep breath.\u00a0 \u201cLook, Joe, Archie and Anna\u2019s relationship isn\u2019t our business.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI thought he was your friend.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHe is my friend.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThen why don\u2019t you have a word with him?\u201d<\/p>\n Adam\u2019s mouth tightened.\u00a0 \u201cHe didn\u2019t mean anything by it, Joe.\u00a0 Just let it go, will you?\u00a0 It\u2019s just that Anna can be\u2026\u201d\u00a0 Adam shook his head and swung away from the barn door, leaving the sentence unfinished.<\/p>\n I went after him.\u00a0 \u201cAnna can be what?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNothing.\u201d\u00a0 He stopped again when he saw I wasn\u2019t about to give up.\u00a0 \u201cAll right.\u00a0 Anna can be\u2026trying.\u00a0 Even you must be able to see that.\u00a0 Now let\u2019s just drop the subject.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHe should still show her more respect.\u00a0 She\u2019s his wife, after all.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYes, she is,\u201d acknowledged Adam, without even making an effort to disguise the sarcasm in his voice.<\/p>\n \u201cThen why did he marry her?\u201d\u00a0 I couldn\u2019t keep the annoyance out of my own voice.<\/p>\n He shot me a razor-sharp look.\u00a0 \u201cI thought you, of all people, would have understood that, Joe.\u201d<\/p>\n I didn\u2019t have an answer for that, but the truth was, I didn\u2019t much like Archie, and I struggled to see what Adam thought was so great about him.\u00a0 And Archie didn\u2019t seem to think much of me or Hoss.\u00a0 I got the distinct impression he regarded us both as buffoons, and he had a habit of addressing us as if we were his servants back East.\u00a0 No matter what the subject, Archie always knew more than anyone else.\u00a0 And he told long stories\u2014 usually about his own exploits\u2014the point of which, inevitably, was to prove his own superior intellect and distinction and everyone else\u2019s inferiority.<\/p>\n Fortunately, Hoss and I didn\u2019t spend much time with the Weslinghams.\u00a0 Life on the ranch went on for us much the same as always, and there was plenty of work to be done.\u00a0 Adam entertained the visitors, taking them on tours of the Ponderosa, into Virginia City, and to meet acquaintances he thought Archie would find interesting.\u00a0 Anna Weslingham tagged along on these outings, but as her disillusionment grew, even the allure of Virginia City dulled in her eyes.\u00a0 I had the distinct impression she wanted nothing more than to climb on the next stage and head back East.\u00a0 I think Adam would have liked that too.\u00a0 He bore Anna Weslingham\u2019s company with forced smiles and gritted teeth.\u00a0 Aside from her sumptuous d\u00e9colletage, it was, to my mind, her one other redeeming feature; that she could so inadvertently wind up my oldest brother to screaming pitch with her unconscious shallowness and endless babble.<\/p>\n Just over a week into the Weslinghams\u2019 visit, I came downstairs one morning\u2014late as usual\u2014to find only the two guests and Adam at the breakfast table.<\/p>\n \u201cWhere\u2019s Pa and Hoss?\u201d I asked.<\/p>\n \u201cGone up to the lumber camp,\u201d said Adam, sipping coffee.<\/p>\n \u201cI wish I\u2019d known,\u201d said Archie, scooping eggs onto his fork.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019d be interested to see the lumber camp, Adam.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo reason why you can\u2019t.\u00a0 We can ride up there this morning if you want.\u201d<\/p>\n Mrs. Weslingham put down her coffee cup and stuck out her bottom lip.\u00a0 \u201cDon\u2019t you dare, Archie!\u00a0 You promised me we could go to the lake.\u00a0 You said we could take a picnic.\u201d<\/p>\n Archie sighed and ignored her.<\/p>\n \u201cSo we can.\u201d\u00a0 Adam\u2019s voice was placatory.\u00a0 \u201cWe can still do that.\u00a0 After the ride to the lumber camp.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cLumber camp!\u201d\u00a0 Anna rounded on her husband with anger flashing in her bright blue eyes.\u00a0 \u201cI don\u2019t even know what a lumber camp is.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019s where they cut\u2026\u201d began Archie, but before he could finish, she exploded in a fit of pique.<\/p>\n \u201cI don\u2019t care<\/em> what a lumber camp is.\u00a0 I have no interest<\/em> in lumber camps.\u00a0 Or mining.\u00a0 Or branding.\u00a0 Or cattle auctions.\u00a0 Or<\/em> the price of wheat.\u00a0 You promised<\/em> me we could go to the lake.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWe can.\u00a0 We\u2019ll just go to the lumber camp first<\/em>.\u201d<\/p>\n She jumped up from the table.\u00a0 \u201cNo!\u00a0 I am not<\/em> going to any lumber camp.\u00a0 Not today, not ever!\u00a0 I<\/em> am going to the lake.\u00a0 As you promised.\u201d<\/p>\n Archie heaved another sigh.\u00a0 \u201cAnna!\u201d<\/p>\n I had just decided I might give breakfast a miss and escape the tantrum; I\u2019d even pushed my chair back ready to rise, when Adam said, \u201cJoe will take you to the lake.\u00a0 Won\u2019t you, Joe?\u201d<\/p>\n My heart sank.\u00a0 Why me?\u00a0 The odd conversation or game of checkers, after dinner, when my head was nicely numbed from wine and brandy, was one thing; a morning spent discussing lace collars and the polite way to serve a sandwich was another entirely. After all, there was no reward in this for me.\u00a0 Mrs. Weslingham was a married woman.\u00a0 There wasn\u2019t even the promise of a stolen kiss to motivate me.\u00a0 She looked round at me, suddenly hopeful.\u00a0 She liked me, I knew. Hoss and I were the only two members of the household to pay her any real attention, and Hoss always became tongue-tied when she put on one of her wonderful evening gowns.\u00a0 I had to think of an excuse.\u00a0 And fast.<\/p>\n \u201cOh, I would.\u00a0 I really would, but I promised Pa I\u2019d fetch the mail.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThe mail can wait until tomorrow.\u201d\u00a0 Something in Adam\u2019s voice told me he was not going to take \u201cno\u201d for an answer.<\/p>\n I sighed and forced a smile at Mrs. Weslingham.\u00a0 \u201cWell, in that case\u2026.\u201d<\/p>\n Her good mood restored, she flounced away to organize a picnic basket with Hop Sing, while I tried to fix Adam with a venomous glare, but my brother was too good at avoiding my eyes.<\/p>\n \u201cWe\u2019ll meet you at the usual place as soon as we can get there,\u201d Adam promised hazily, as he and Archie donned their hats and made for the door.<\/p>\n I hurried after him, Adam\u2019s vagueness ringing alarm bells in my head.\u00a0 \u201cWhat time will that be?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOh, I don\u2019t know.\u201d\u00a0 Adam shrugged.\u00a0 \u201cMidday?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou\u2019re going to ride all the way to the camp, do whatever you plan to do there, and get back to the lake by noon?\u201d\u00a0 I didn\u2019t even try to hide my skepticism.<\/p>\n Adam gave another shrug.\u00a0 \u201cAll right then.\u00a0 Say one.\u00a0 Maybe half past.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAdam!\u201d I hissed at him through my teeth, as Archie shrugged into his jacket, his back turned to us.<\/p>\n Adam slapped me on the shoulder.\u00a0 \u201cIt\u2019s just a picnic, Joe.\u00a0 You\u2019ll be fine.\u00a0 She likes talking to you.\u201d<\/p>\n By the time we reached the lake, I had the beginnings of a headache. Anna Weslingham had talked constantly.\u00a0 I\u2019d heard every detail of her social life in Boston; acquaintances I had never heard of and was never going to meet; accounts of tea parties, and frocks; descriptions of who wore what and when; how wonderful Archie was, and how one day they would travel to England and visit his numerous relatives there.\u00a0 The situation picked up once we reached the picnic spot.\u00a0 The lake asserted its peculiar magic, and Anna Weslingham succumbed to its influence and seemed content to wander quietly, uttering little more than an occasional murmur of awed appreciation as we took a walk along the shore to stretch our legs after the long buggy ride.<\/p>\n It was past noon when we returned to the rig and set about unloading the picnic basket.\u00a0 Mrs. Weslingham was instantly as excited as a six-year-old as she laid out the food on a red-checkered tablecloth.\u00a0 Hop Sing had done us proud as always. There were even two bottles of the wine Adam had bought for Archie.<\/p>\n \u201cHere,\u201d she said, big eyes shining as she thrust a bottle at me.\u00a0 \u201cOpen it. We\u2019ll have a glass while we wait.\u00a0 Archie and your brother shouldn\u2019t be long now.\u201d<\/p>\n With a glass of wine in my hand and the sun warm on my outstretched legs, I found myself inclined to forgive Adam for his pushiness in forcing me on this outing.\u00a0 Mrs. Weslingham seemed content for once as well, leaning back in the grass and singing softly to herself as she gazed out over the brilliant blue expanse of the lake.\u00a0 I was content too.\u00a0 She wore a light, loose blouse over a flounced skirt of deep lilac, and where the sun shone through the fabric, I caught a subtle hint of a curve beneath, enough to keep my mind as happily occupied as hers.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m hungry,\u201d she said, at last.\u00a0 \u201cThey\u2019re late, aren\u2019t they?\u201d<\/p>\n I agreed they were.\u00a0 Although I didn\u2019t say it to her, I had my own suspicions that they had no real intention of showing up at all.\u00a0 I knew Adam well enough to know how little patience he had for this woman\u2019s company.<\/p>\n \u201cWhy don\u2019t we eat?\u201d I suggested.\u00a0 My stomach was starting to complain from lack of food.\u00a0 \u201cThere\u2019ll be plenty left when they do come.\u201d<\/p>\n So we ate: bread and cold fried chicken, strawberries and ginger cake.\u00a0 And Mrs. Weslingham refilled our glasses and told more stories I could well have done without, but I smiled and nodded, and settled myself back down on the grass, folding my arms behind my head and yawning.\u00a0 I had a full belly and the wine had left me pleasantly sleepy.\u00a0 I closed my eyes, enjoying the sensation of the sun on my eyelids.<\/p>\n I wasn\u2019t aware that I\u2019d dozed off, not until I heard the shrill screams close by.\u00a0 Leaping to my feet, confused, I saw immediately that Mrs. Weslingham was gone.\u00a0 Another shriek brought my heart into my throat as I placed the direction of the sound.<\/p>\n She was about forty feet out from the shore, and struggling.\u00a0 I saw her go under and come up, crying and spitting.\u00a0 Already I was tugging at my boots and gunbelt.\u00a0 The water was cold as I plunged in and struck out in her direction.<\/p>\n \u201cHold still!\u00a0 I\u2019ve got you!\u201d I bellowed at her, over her violent splashing and wild screams.\u00a0 \u201cStop struggling!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cMy leg!\u201d she wailed, in a panic.\u00a0 \u201cMy leg!\u00a0 My leg!\u201d<\/p>\n I tightened my grip around her, trying to avoid her flailing arms as I headed back towards the shore.\u00a0 She struggled so hard, it was difficult to swim.\u00a0 She pulled me under several times.\u00a0 Just as I was seriously considering knocking her unconscious before she drowned us both, her flailing lessened.\u00a0 I could hear her terrified sobs.<\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019s all right,\u201d I reassured her, tightening my grip around her with my right arm as I pulled for the shore with my left. I was trying in vain not to enjoy the sensation of her breast resting on my forearm and my thumb sinking disconcertingly into the soft mound of flesh.<\/p>\n With the floor of the lake beneath my feet at last, I rose up out of the water and she gave another squawk of pain as I tried to set her on her feet, so I picked her up again and carried her onto the warm lakeshore, and sat her down on the beach.<\/p>\n \u201cMy leg, my leg!\u201d she moaned, lying back and rolling around in seeming agony.<\/p>\n I tried to concentrate on what she was saying, but it was difficult.\u00a0 She\u2019d abandoned her dress to take her dip in the lake, and was currently clad in nothing but a fine cotton chemise, now clinging to every wet inch of her writhing body.\u00a0 I could see her small foot, toes rigid and splayed, her taut leg extended, a shapely calf and a white, small-boned ankle.<\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019s only a cramp,\u201d I assured her.\u00a0 \u201cIt\u2019ll pass in a minute or two.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cIt hurts!\u201d she wailed.\u00a0 \u201cDo something, please!\u201d<\/p>\n I looked around helplessly for something to cover her with, but I couldn\u2019t see her clothes, and my jacket was in the buggy.\u00a0 Fumbling to grasp the offending limb, I knelt beside her and made an attempt to massage the seized muscle.\u00a0 She was still sobbing and crying out, but as I rubbed harder and her pain and panic began to subside, her sobs became hiccups.\u00a0 Her leg felt cool and soft to my hand.\u00a0 I rested her ankle against my thigh and put both hands to the task.\u00a0 She opened her eyes and looked at me in wide-eyed astonishment.<\/p>\n \u201cThank you,\u201d she whispered.\u00a0 \u201cYou saved my life.\u00a0 I thought I was going to die. It was so cold<\/em> in there.\u00a0 Much colder than I thought.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019s just a cramp,\u201d I told her.\u00a0 \u201cNothing serious.\u201d\u00a0 I tried to avoid looking down at her prone body.\u00a0 With her clinging chemise all but transparent in its wetness, there was nothing left to my imagination, but, try as I might, I could not keep my gaze from sliding back to stare again.\u00a0 The clinging cotton outlined the heavy fullness of each breast, even dipped into the hollow created by her navel, and hugged each rounded thigh.\u00a0 I knew I was breathing hard, and it wasn\u2019t the cold water that had snatched my breath away.<\/p>\n With her cramped muscle easing, she became suddenly aware of her state of undress.\u00a0 Her face flushed violently.\u00a0 She sat up, crossing her arms in front of her chest, her face a deep shade of scarlet.\u00a0 \u201cOh!\u201d she said, and flashed me a guilty glance.\u00a0 Then, to my surprise, she giggled.\u00a0 \u201cWhatever must you think of me?\u201d<\/p>\n My own face was burning.\u00a0 Other parts of me too.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m sorry,\u201d she added, in a softer voice.\u00a0 \u201cI think I tore your shirt.\u201d<\/p>\n I looked down at myself and saw she was right.\u00a0 My buttons were gone.\u00a0 Worse, my sodden clothes were clinging to my torso as tightly as hers.\u00a0 Her eyes widened and I could think of nothing to say.\u00a0 With the urgent need to restore her respectability and mine, I climbed clumsily to my feet, aware that she was still gaping.\u00a0 She held out her arms to me so I could help her up, once again exposing her saturated bodice to my gawping eyes.<\/p>\n To this day, I\u2019m not sure how she ended up in my arms.\u00a0 I leaned over to raise her to her feet and before I knew it, she was against me and her mouth was over mine.<\/p>\n For a whole five seconds, I was too shocked to respond, then my senses rushed back and I tried to pull away.\u00a0 But her body came with me, as though our wet clothing had somehow glued us together.\u00a0 And despite the fact that I knew it was wrong\u2014undeniably, unutterably and horribly wrong\u2014a crazy part of my mind reasoned that, since we\u2019d started this kiss, we might as well finish it.\u00a0 It was just a kiss, after all.\u00a0 She\u2019d had a shock; she\u2019d thought she was dying; her nerves were all over the place.\u00a0 Any second now, she\u2019d realize her mistake and we would both be embarrassed and apologizing.\u00a0 This kiss was nothing but confused reaction to the ordeal she\u2019d undergone, but just for the moment, I was enjoying it.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat the hell\u2026?\u201d exclaimed a voice behind us, and we jumped apart as if we\u2019d been shot.\u00a0 Archie Weslingham, still astride his horse was staring at me in round-eyed astonishment.\u00a0 Adam, a few feet behind him was wearing the same expression.\u00a0 Suddenly a big hole opened inside my stomach and it was difficult to breathe.<\/p>\n \u201cMrs. Weslingham got into trouble,\u201d I tried to say, but my voice came out all croaky and tight.\u00a0 \u201cI had to pull her out of the lake.\u201d<\/p>\n Archie\u2019s eyes traveled to his wife, taking her in from head to foot, the horror in his face quickly hardening into something more dangerous.<\/p>\n \u201cIt was my leg,\u201d she put in, helpfully.\u00a0 \u201cI thought I was going to drown.\u00a0 Little Joe saved my life.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOh?\u201d said Archie, his voice expressionless.\u00a0 \u201cAnd I suppose you were just saying thank you?\u201d<\/p>\n I wasn\u2019t sure what to do next.\u00a0 I flicked a glance at Adam to see if any help was likely to come from that direction but he was staring at me with that same astounded expression of horrified disbelief.<\/p>\n \u201cWhere are your clothes?\u201d said Archie to his wife.\u00a0 Spotting the abandoned garments on a nearby rock, he slid from his saddle and went to fetch them.\u00a0 Nobody else moved.\u00a0 Mrs. Weslingham had wrapped her arms around her body and was shivering, although the sun was hot.\u00a0 I swallowed hard and stared down at the ground.\u00a0 All at once, I felt very sick.<\/p>\n Archie pushed the clothes at his wife.\u00a0 She fumbled with them, turning her back on us as she struggled to pull them on over her wet shift.\u00a0 I could see her only out of the corner of my eye as I dared not lift my face to meet anyone else\u2019s.<\/p>\n I guess I should have expected it, but when Archie\u2019s knuckles connected with my face, it took me by surprise and sent me sprawling.\u00a0 A kaleidoscope of colors exploded in front of my eyes and settled into a close up view of mud and stones.\u00a0 I made no move to retaliate.\u00a0 Hands hauled me roughly back to my feet.\u00a0 Somewhere behind the loud buzzing in my brain, I heard Mrs. Weslingham\u2019s voice pleading with her husband not to hit me again, but I knew he wasn\u2019t listening.<\/p>\n This time, I landed in the lake.\u00a0 Water rushed straight into my nose and mouth, choking me.\u00a0 I floundered like a dying fish, battling the hands that had hold of me once again; only this time they weren\u2019t hauling me upright, they were pushing me under. \u00a0I hadn\u2019t fought back when Archie hit me, but with water flooding my airways, I struggled instinctively, thrashing and twisting.\u00a0 Still he held me down.\u00a0 A muffled voice was yelling abuse at me, swearing and cursing; a heavy weight was pressing me down, holding me under.\u00a0 Water was choking into my lungs.\u00a0 My ears were roaring. A violet mist closed in around me, obscuring the watery sky overhead.\u00a0 This was it, I realized. I was drowning.\u00a0 My life was ending in the lake.\u00a0 All because I\u2019d kissed someone else\u2019s wife.\u00a0 Adam was right.\u00a0 I never learned.<\/p>\n They say a man\u2019s life flashes in front of his eyes in his last few moments, but all that came to my mind was what Pa would have to say about my irresponsible behavior when he found out.\u00a0 It wasn\u2019t a good dying thought.\u00a0 My strength was leaving me as my mind loosened its hold on my body.\u00a0 I was filling with water at an alarming rate.\u00a0 I couldn\u2019t fight back any more, couldn\u2019t even cry out for help.<\/p>\n From nowhere, light and air rushed back in.\u00a0 Without any conscious instruction from me, my body whooped in a great gulp of the precious stuff, and water gushed in an unpleasant jet from my nose and throat.\u00a0 I was gagging and dragging in air in heaving sobs, coughing water from my lungs all at the same time.\u00a0 Someone was heaving me up the beach, but I was too absorbed with trying to breathe to see what was going on.\u00a0 Vaguely, I became aware of a woman crying somewhere close by, and men\u2019s voices.\u00a0 One was Adam\u2019s, the other, Archie Weslingham\u2019s.<\/p>\n \u201cLet\u2019s talk about this in a civilized manner when we get back to the Ponderosa,\u201d said Adam\u2019s voice, attempting to sound reasonable, yet somehow angry instead.<\/p>\n \u201cHe was kissing my wife!\u201d said Archie\u2019s voice, bellowing.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m not denying that; just suggesting we deal with this like civilized men rather than animals.\u201d<\/p>\n I was hunched on all fours, unable to speak or straighten up.\u00a0 Adam\u2019s feet and legs were inches away and his jeans were wet.<\/p>\n \u201cYour brother was behaving like an animal!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cMy brother was behaving like the idiot kid he is.\u201d<\/p>\n I wondered if I might have been better off drowning.\u00a0 A nightmare was happening around me and I could see no way of escape.<\/p>\n Adam\u2019s voice came again.\u00a0 \u201cLet\u2019s get your wife back home.\u00a0 We\u2019ll talk about it there.\u201d<\/p>\n Archie muttered and swore, but I heard rustling and the sound of feet crunching along the shore.\u00a0 With an effort I lifted my head and found myself looking directly into the face of my oldest brother as he crouched in front of me.<\/p>\n \u201cYou all right?\u201d he asked, but there was no compassion in the question.<\/p>\n I nodded, although in truth, I wasn\u2019t certain I was.\u00a0 My jaw was pulsating with waves of pain, my ribs hurt, and my bottom lip had to be at least twice its normal size.\u00a0 But I was definitely alive, even though I shouldn\u2019t have been.<\/p>\n \u201cThen we\u2019ll see you back at the ranch.\u201d The sadness and disappointment on Adam\u2019s face hurt more than all my bruises combined.<\/p>\n I dropped my gaze.\u00a0 Adam\u2019s boots moved away.\u00a0 I slumped into a sitting position and dropped my head onto my knees.<\/p>\n How long I sat there, rocking back and forth in my dark pool of despondency, I don\u2019t know.\u00a0 I heard the buggy pull away, Adam\u2019s horse following, but I didn\u2019t look up.\u00a0 How could I have done something so stupid?\u00a0 I thought of the dismay on Adam\u2019s face, of the disappointment in his voice.\u00a0 This time my brother was not going to forgive me.\u00a0 First Jane Morland, and now this!\u00a0 What was wrong with me?\u00a0 Left alone, I shed a few bitter tears of remorse, but all to no avail.\u00a0 What was done was done, and I was the one responsible.<\/p>\n Every time I steeled myself to move, to get up from the ground and ride home, I would picture the steely glare on Pa\u2019s face, the way Hoss would try and avoid looking at me, the accusation in Adam\u2019s eyes.\u00a0 Then I would drop my head back onto my knees, and groan aloud.\u00a0 And how would I ever face the Weslinghams again?\u00a0 The thought of riding into the yard at the Ponderosa and having to confront any one of them sent a shiver of dread right through me.<\/p>\n The Weslinghams would have to leave, wouldn\u2019t they?\u00a0 There was no way Archie would stay on.\u00a0 Not now.\u00a0 Not after what I had done.\u00a0 Surely they would pack and be on the next available stage out of Virginia City.\u00a0 And that would be tomorrow.\u00a0 For the first time, I lifted my head and took a few deep breaths.\u00a0 My ribs ached and my throat and lungs burned as if they\u2019d been scoured.<\/p>\n I was a coward for even thinking it, but I knew I would not go home.\u00a0 Not yet.\u00a0 Not while the Weslinghams were still at the Ponderosa.\u00a0 I would hole up somewhere, lick my wounds, wait for the worst of the storm to pass.\u00a0 Then I would crawl back and face the wrath and disappointment of my family.\u00a0 That would be bad enough, but nothing compared to the tempest I would face if I went back now.<\/p>\n My boots and gunbelt were where I had left them.\u00a0 The picnic was still spread on the grass to my right.\u00a0 Archie\u2019s horse had eaten the bread and the strawberries and was now helping himself to the ginger cake.<\/p>\n I left the remainder of the food where it was.\u00a0 Climbing onto the big black gelding, I turned his head in the wrong direction and began to follow the lake.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Chapter 7<\/strong><\/p>\n I lost count of the number of times I nearly turned back, but there came a point where I knew it was too late.\u00a0 By the time evening had closed in around me, Adam would have realized I\u2019d chickened out of showing my face again at home.\u00a0 Pa and Hoss would have heard the story and known what a fool I\u2019d been.\u00a0 The expression on Adam\u2019s face as he stood over me at the lake returned to haunt me over and over again.<\/p>\n I had no clear plan, just a vague notion that a few days apart would give us all time to think things over, let tempers cool, give reason a chance to breathe.\u00a0 It also crossed my mind that my absence might be seen as an endorsement of my guilt, but I was nursing a small and childish hope that worry would override condemnation; that in their concern for my safety, they would forgive me.\u00a0 A faint hope.\u00a0 Self-pity was my nearest and dearest companion as I rode away from the lake that day with no clear vision of what I needed to do to restore my family\u2019s trust.\u00a0 I had been misunderstood again.\u00a0 After all, I hadn\u2019t initiated the misunderstanding with Anna Weslingham.\u00a0 All I\u2019d done was rescue her from drowning.\u00a0 All right, I hadn\u2019t exactly resisted<\/em> when she kissed me, but I\u2019d had every intention of doing so.\u00a0 And it had all looked far worse than it really was. Hadn\u2019t it?\u00a0 When I thought about that, I realized just how incriminating it had<\/em> looked. \u00a0Just thinking about it turned me hot with shame.<\/p>\n Trouble was, the further away I rode and the longer I was gone, the harder it became to turn back.\u00a0 It wasn\u2019t just the miles that mounted up, but a sense of injustice; a feeling that I\u2019d been wronged.\u00a0 Condemned without a fair trial.\u00a0\u00a0 So I rode without purpose and spent the night under the stars; no great hardship on a warm May night.\u00a0 And I rode on again all the next day, and found myself, near sundown, in a small town called Angels Creek.<\/p>\n I didn\u2019t have much with me, only loose change in my pocket.\u00a0 Enough for a meal and a few drinks.\u00a0 It was only in the last few hours that I\u2019d begun to give any real consideration to the implications of my decision to ride away from the Ponderosa.\u00a0 I\u2019d started to realize I needed a plan of some kind.\u00a0 I was going to have to find a way to survive, and that meant finding some work.\u00a0 A town seemed a good place to start.<\/p>\n Paying the boy at the livery stable highlighted the urgency of my economic straits. Across the road from the livery was a saloon.\u00a0 With nothing else to do and nowhere else to go, I attempted to tug my ruined shirt into something approaching respectability, and pushed my way through the doors.<\/p>\n It was a strange feeling, being alone in a place where I knew no one.\u00a0 The Ponderosa seemed far away.\u00a0 In the past, I\u2019d have had Pa for company, or Adam, or Hoss.\u00a0 This wasn\u2019t the kind of saloon Pa would have approved of either\u2014not that Pa approves of any<\/em> place where drinking, gambling and whoring are the main forms of entertainment.\u00a0 Maybe I should have felt liberated without a father or two older brothers breathing down my neck, but the fact was, I felt lost.\u00a0 I found a table against the wall, as out of the way as possible, and hunched over a bowl of stew brought to me by a gap-toothed boy, and wondered what on earth I was going to do with myself for the foreseeable future.\u00a0 How long before I dared venture home again?\u00a0 Face the wrath?<\/p>\n I wasn\u2019t alone for long.\u00a0 I\u2019d set aside my bowl and picked up my beer and a girl was drawing out a chair beside me.\u00a0 She had bleached hair and sleepy brown eyes, heavy with kohl.\u00a0 I liked her easy smile.\u00a0 She placed a bottle of whiskey and two glasses on the table.<\/p>\n \u201cHi, cowboy.\u00a0 You look lonely.\u00a0 My name\u2019s Evie.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cJoe.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou\u2019re a stranger here, ain\u2019t you?\u201d<\/p>\n I nodded, and her mouth lifted again, her eyes watching me from under sleepy eyelids.\u00a0 \u201cWhere you from, Joe?\u201d<\/p>\n I gave a casual shrug.\u00a0 \u201cHere and there.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou\u2019re a little young, aren\u2019t you, to be a hardened drifter?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m older than I look,\u201d I told her, untruthfully.<\/p>\n She poured me a whiskey.\u00a0 I downed the rest of my beer in one go and picked up the small glass.\u00a0 Heck, it would be about the last liquor I could afford, so I might as well enjoy it.<\/p>\n \u201cSo what brings you here?\u201d<\/p>\n I shrugged again. \u201cAs good a place as any.\u201d\u00a0 I raised my eyes to meet hers.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m looking for work.\u00a0 Know anyone who\u2019s hiring?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cDepends what you can do\u2026?\u201d<\/p>\n I smiled at the teasing glint in her soft, brown eyes.\u00a0 \u201cBust broncs, drive cattle, fix fences.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cIs that all?\u201d<\/p>\n I grinned.<\/p>\n The heavy eyelids drooped again.\u00a0 \u201cI might be persuaded to suggest a few names.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cListen, Evie,\u201d I told her, truthfully.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m flat broke.\u00a0 It\u2019s why I need work.\u201d<\/p>\n She leaned closer to look harder into my face, \u201cI\u2019m sure we can come to some arrangement.\u00a0 You\u2019re the cutest cowboy I\u2019ve laid eyes on in a long time.\u201d\u00a0 She reached out and laid gentle fingertips against my swollen jaw. \u201cEven with all these bruises.\u00a0 It would be a real shame if we couldn\u2019t strengthen our acquaintance now fate\u2019s thrown us together.\u201d<\/p>\n I had to laugh.\u00a0 I liked Evie already.\u00a0 She smelled good, like honey.<\/p>\n She stayed with me for a while longer, and then she left me on my own with my bottle.\u00a0 I watched her as she plied her trade around the tables, but she kept looking back at me and smiling a provocative smile that eased the loneliness in my heart.\u00a0 The saloon had filled up.\u00a0 There were other girls.\u00a0 A couple even came over to talk to me.\u00a0 But I found myself hankering after those languid eyelids and the hint of lazy amusement in the sleepy brown gaze.<\/p>\n I\u2019ve never been good with whiskey, and I was over third of the way down the bottle when I saw Evie push through the crowded bar and go upstairs with a heavily built, grey-haired man in a well cut suit and a fancy vest.\u00a0 I stared after her disappearing back, surprised by how disappointed and betrayed I felt.\u00a0 She wasn\u2019t my girl, after all.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t even have enough cash to lay the most basic kind of claim to her affections, yet, at that precise moment, that was what I wanted more than anything.<\/p>\n I sat frowning at the table and drinking more whiskey than was good for me, my mood darkening with every mouthful. The only consolation was that there was no one there to care.\u00a0 I found myself remembering Julia and trying not to.\u00a0 Evie and her fancy man still hadn\u2019t reappeared.\u00a0 How long did it take, for pete\u2019s sake?<\/p>\n A figure dropped into the chair opposite mine.\u00a0 This time it wasn\u2019t a pretty girl but a big man with washed out blue eyes in a thick-jowled face. He fixed me with a cold stare.\u00a0 Another heavy feller, built like a wrestler, crunched into the chair next to me.<\/p>\n \u201cI don\u2019t know who you are, kid, or where you come from, and I don\u2019t much care either.\u00a0 But we\u2019ve been watching you\u2014watching Evie\u2014all evening.\u00a0 Just wanted to give you a friendly warning, boy.\u00a0 She\u2019s spoken for.\u00a0 Understand?\u201d<\/p>\n I didn\u2019t and said so.<\/p>\n The cold blue eyes continued to stare, unblinking.\u00a0 I picked up my near-empty bottle of whiskey, aware that my eyes were having difficulty focusing as I attempted to refill my glass.<\/p>\n \u201cWe seen her talking to you, and we seen the two of you smiling at each other. Now Evie, she\u2019s easily led astray.\u00a0 So we\u2019re warning you, kid.\u00a0 Best if you go straight back where you came from.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cShe\u2019s in the wrong job then,\u201d said my voice, with no conscious prompting from my brain.\u00a0 \u201cThe way I see it, she belongs to the highest bidder.\u201d\u00a0 Even as I spoke, I was overwhelmed with a drunken sense of remorse at the knowledge that the highest bidder wouldn\u2019t be me.\u00a0 I lifted my face in disdain.\u00a0 \u201cAnd I\u2019ll go where I please.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou\u2019re just a beat-up kid in torn clothes.\u00a0 You\u2019ll show some respect.\u00a0 You know who that feller was took Evie upstairs?\u201d<\/p>\n I shook my head.\u00a0 My brain rattled loosely.\u00a0 \u201cLike you said, don\u2019t know, don\u2019t care.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHis name\u2019s John Sturry and he owns half this town.\u201d<\/p>\n I lifted my lip in a sneer.\u00a0 \u201cOnly half?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHe can have you thrown out of this place whenever he wants.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHuh!\u201d\u00a0 I knocked back my whiskey in one gulp. \u201cToo scared to do it himself, I s\u2019pose.\u201d<\/p>\n The pale-eyed man rose from his chair.\u00a0 \u201cTime for you to leave, kid.\u00a0 Your type isn\u2019t welcome here.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cMy type?\u201d I felt my scowl deepen as I attempted to focus a glare on him.\u00a0 \u201cWhat do you mean, my type?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cMouthy troublemakers.\u201d<\/p>\n A familiar rush of temper swelled inside me, whiskey-stoked and hot.\u00a0 I shrugged the hand away.\u00a0 I\u2019m not real sure of the order of events after that, they happened too fast for my liquor-soaked brain.\u00a0 I don\u2019t recall whose fist flew first.\u00a0 Maybe it was mine.\u00a0 But in moments, furniture was upended and my head had made resounding contact with the wall behind me.\u00a0 I was too drunk to feel any pain.\u00a0 When the wrestler dragged me back to my feet, I lashed out in self-righteous fury, felt an explosion in my left jaw and collided with a poker table, sending cards and dollar bills in all directions.\u00a0 Other hands had hold of me then.\u00a0 Indignant voices were shouting, chairs scraping, glass shattering as the saloon descended into a general ruckus.\u00a0 I caught a glimpse of John Sturry, coming down the stairs, glancing about him with a small smirk on his fat face. Launching myself at him, I was pleased to feel his nose crunch satisfyingly beneath my knuckles.\u00a0 Then something heavy came down on my back and I folded in a swirl of exploding colors.<\/p>\n Next thing I remembered was fresh air rousing me, and a dark street wheeling about me.\u00a0 Beefy arms were holding me up.\u00a0 Something hit me hard in the middle.\u00a0 Three times. The arms released me and I crumpled, my cheek bouncing on the dirt.<\/p>\n I was alone in the darkness, the sounds of the saloon close by, but distant, as though in a dream.\u00a0 I lost the beef stew into the dirt and lay helpless and moaning for several minutes before I was capable of lifting my head again.<\/p>\n I was in an alley beside the saloon.\u00a0 I made a couple of abortive attempts to get to my feet, but my legs would not cooperate and my head was spinning wildly. Instead I dragged my battered body against the wall, shivering even though the night was warm.\u00a0 My last thought before I slipped into oblivion was to wonder what my father and brothers would have thought if they could have seen me then.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Chapter 8<\/strong><\/p>\n \u201cJoe?\u201d<\/p>\n I didn\u2019t want to open my eyes.\u00a0 I was afraid it was going to hurt, but a persistent hand shook my shoulder.<\/p>\n It was still dark.\u00a0 I was sprawled in the dirt of the alley.\u00a0 I smelled vomit before it registered that I was lying in a small pool of it.\u00a0 I groaned and forced my eyelids apart.<\/p>\n \u201cEvie?\u201d<\/p>\n She leaned over me, peering closely into my face.\u00a0 \u201cJoe?\u00a0 Are you all right?\u00a0 Here, let me help you.\u201d<\/p>\n With her help, I rose, swaying, to my feet.\u00a0 The sounds from the saloon had died down.\u00a0 I could hear music and an occasional burst of raised laughter.\u00a0 My head was pounding; my tongue was swollen in my mouth; my st<\/p>\n She slid her shoulder beneath mine.\u00a0 I went where she led.\u00a0 Around the back of the building there was a staircase, climbing up the outside wall, lit by a single lantern.\u00a0 I wasn\u2019t certain I was capable of climbing stairs, but she heaved me up and opened a couple of doors, and then we were in a room, a woman\u2019s room, with lace and the scent of perfume.\u00a0 She deposited me on the edge of a wide bed and made me lie down.\u00a0 Half insensible, I didn\u2019t argue as she tugged off my boots, stripped my shirt away and spread folded towels, doused in cold water, over my aching ribs.\u00a0 She gave me water to drink too, and wiped at my face with cool cloths.<\/p>\n \u201cHe had no right to do this to you.\u201d\u00a0 Her voice was hot with indignation.\u00a0 \u201cJust wait till I see him.\u201d<\/p>\n The bed felt soft, the cool towels blissful.\u00a0 I let my eyes close, coherent thought sliding into a stupor I could not resist.<\/p>\n When I woke again, it was to the muted light of day, slanting in through a narrow gap between heavy blue drapes.\u00a0 Even that restrained amount of daylight was an assault on my aching eyes and head.\u00a0 There was no sign of anyone else in the room.\u00a0 I sat up carefully, groaning out loud as the room dipped around me.\u00a0 There didn\u2019t seem to be any part of me that didn\u2019t feel bruised and tender. Squeezing my eyes shut against the thudding in my head, I shuffled like an old man to the window.<\/p>\n The sash was up.\u00a0 My shirt was spread over the sill.\u00a0 I stared at it stupidly for at least a minute before I recognized it.\u00a0 When I lifted it to my face, it smelled of soap.\u00a0 Dragging it over my shoulders, I saw that the missing buttons had been neatly replaced.\u00a0 I staggered back to the bed and reached for my boots.\u00a0 More than anything else, I wanted to lie down again and sleep some more, but this wasn\u2019t my room.\u00a0 I had no right to be here.\u00a0 My jacket and gunbelt were hanging over the back of a chair.\u00a0 As I picked them up, the door opened and Evie entered the room.<\/p>\n Dressed in a sensible green skirt and a lemon blouse, she looked nothing like the saloon girl I\u2019d met the night before.\u00a0 But the hooded eyes were the same, the glint beneath the heavy lids, the warm smile.<\/p>\n \u201cHow are you feeling?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cBetter,\u201d I lied in a thick croak.<\/p>\n She had a basket in one hand and a pot of coffee in the other.\u00a0 She set them down on a small table.<\/p>\n \u201cI should be going,\u201d I muttered.\u00a0 \u201cThanks for your help.\u201d<\/p>\n From the basket she pulled bread and cold chicken.\u00a0 \u201cWhen you\u2019ve eaten.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m not sure\u2026\u201d I began but she waved her hand to silence me.<\/p>\n \u201cYou\u2019ll feel better with some food inside you.\u00a0 And some coffee.\u00a0 Sit down and don\u2019t argue.\u201d<\/p>\n I wasn\u2019t feeling strong enough to argue.\u00a0 I took the coffee gratefully and a plate of bread and meat with less enthusiasm.\u00a0 But she was right.\u00a0 As I sat on the edge of the bed and ate and drank, I could feel my muscles solidifying and the pounding in my head growing less intense<\/p>\n \u201cJess Oldham,\u201d she said.<\/p>\n I paused with a small piece of bread halfway to my mouth.<\/p>\n \u201cHe has a ranch, a few miles out of town.\u00a0 He\u2019s looking for good cattlemen.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThank you.\u00a0 I owe you,\u201d I told her.<\/p>\n She came to stand in front of me and took my head between her hands. Then she leaned down and planted a soft kiss on my mouth.\u00a0 When she raised her head she gave me her slow, teasing smile.\u00a0 \u201cIf you were feeling stronger, I\u2019m sure we could think of some ways for you to repay me, cowboy.\u201d<\/p>\n I set my plate and cup aside and drew her down onto my lap.\u00a0 \u201cYou wouldn\u2019t believe how much better I feel after just one kiss,\u201d I said.\u00a0 \u201cMaybe we should try another.\u201d<\/p>\n She laughed, patted my cheek and gave me directions, making me promise I would come back and tell her how I got on.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t take much persuading.\u00a0 I knew I wanted to come back to her.\u00a0 I rode out with fresh purpose and new hope, and visions of Evie blotting out all thoughts of home.<\/p>\n I liked Jess Oldham and I think he liked me, although he eyed my bruised face with some suspicion.<\/p>\n \u201cYou ain\u2019t the kind of kid goes courting trouble?\u201d<\/p>\n I shook my head. \u201cI just got unlucky,\u201d I told him.\u00a0 Then I showed him what I could do.\u00a0 I even kept smiling although it darn near killed me with all my aches and pains.\u00a0 Pa has no sympathy with suffering he considers to be self-inflicted, so it wasn\u2019t the first time I\u2019d busted a bronc with bruised ribs and a hangover, and the agony was worth it because Mr. Oldham offered me a job, starting right there and then.<\/p>\n By the time I returned to town that evening, it was dark.\u00a0 Jess Oldham\u2019s foreman and two of the ranch hands rode in with me, even bought me a drink.\u00a0 I was feeling pleased with myself.\u00a0 I was no longer a stranger and it felt good.\u00a0 There was no sign of John Sturry and his henchmen but Evie was there, dressed in gold satin, at a table with a group of miners.\u00a0 She smiled her lazy smile in my direction as I leaned against the bar.\u00a0 Somewhere low in my belly I sensed the familiar tight quiver of excitement.\u00a0 I felt oddly grown up.\u00a0 Here in this town where no one knew me, I was not someone\u2019s son or brother; I was my own man at last.\u00a0 And there was a promise in Evie\u2019s eye that was for me alone.\u00a0 I wondered if I might even be glad that circumstances had forced me out from beneath the wings of my family.\u00a0 I had been the youngest all my life, watched and coddled more than was good for me.\u00a0 Finally I could taste independence.<\/p>\n \u201cYou got the job?\u201d\u00a0 Evie had left the miners to their drinks at last and sauntered over to speak to me.\u00a0 She smiled around at my companions, but my heart beat faster to see that her eyes came back to me.<\/p>\n \u201cLooks like Evie\u2019s got a soft spot for you,\u201d said Sam Wilson, one of my new companions, as Evie made her way to another table.\u00a0 \u201cShe\u2019s real special, Evie.\u00a0 Ain\u2019t many fellers get to taste her cooking.\u201d\u00a0 He gave me a hard look as if a thought had just crossed his mind.\u00a0 \u201cIs that how you got those bruises, Joe?\u201d<\/p>\n I frowned.\u00a0 \u201cWhat do you mean?\u201d<\/p>\n Stu Donald, Jess Oldham\u2019s foreman, leaned his elbows on the bar.\u00a0 \u201cHe means, have you been messing with Evie?\u00a0 \u2019Cause if you\u2019ve been messing with Evie, you\u2019ll have met John Sturry.\u00a0 And that would explain them bruises you got all over your face.\u00a0 Unless you rank higher than Sturry in this town\u2014and that don\u2019t leave many folk\u2014you don\u2019t touch Evie!\u201d<\/p>\n Sam pulled a face.\u00a0 \u201cWatch out for Sturry, Joe.\u00a0 He don\u2019t take kindly to being crossed.\u00a0 Stu here knows.\u00a0 Tried his luck with Evie once, didn\u2019t you Stu?\u201d<\/p>\n Stu flicked his eyebrows in response but didn\u2019t elaborate.<\/p>\n \u201cSurely it\u2019s up to Evie,\u201d I put in.<\/p>\n Stu pushed another beer at me.\u00a0 \u201cLife just ain\u2019t that simple, Joe.\u00a0 In this town, it\u2019s up to John Sturry.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cDoesn\u2019t anyone stand up to him?\u00a0 What about the sheriff?\u201d<\/p>\n Sam shrugged.\u00a0 \u201cSheriff\u2019s a good feller, but there ain\u2019t no one tells Sturry what to do.\u00a0 Not even the judge.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cLet\u2019s not talk about Sturry,\u201d said Stu, in a voice that said the subject was closed.<\/p>\n Later, Sam asked me if I was riding back to the ranch with them. I shook my head.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019ll be out first thing in the morning.\u201d<\/p>\n Sam said, \u201cWatch yourself, Joe.\u201d<\/p>\n Alone again at the bar, I thought again about John Sturry and a shred of misgiving tugged at me.\u00a0 I thought of Pa, too, and my doubt grew heavier.\u00a0 Then Evie slid to my side and all thoughts of anything but the two of us together were instantly pushed out of my mind.<\/p>\n \u201cWant to wait for me in my room?\u00a0 I don\u2019t get off until two.\u00a0 You remember the way, don\u2019t you?\u201d<\/p>\n My heart skipped a couple of beats, but I hesitated.\u00a0 \u201cWhat about Sturry?\u201d<\/p>\n I saw how the little smile played around the corners of her mouth.\u00a0 \u201cMr. Sturry would appear to be indisposed tonight.\u00a0 Seems someone broke his nose.\u00a0 Anyway, I won\u2019t tell him if you don\u2019t.\u201d<\/p>\n I took off my gunbelt and lay on the bed in her room, my insides fluttering, as nervous as a kid about to give his first recital.\u00a0 I hadn\u2019t gotten close to a woman since Julia.\u00a0 After all, Anna Weslingham didn\u2019t really count.\u00a0 It was barely midnight.\u00a0 I had over two hours to wait, palms sweating, mind racing.\u00a0 The last thing I expected was to fall asleep, so I was flustered to leap awake with Evie\u2019s hand on my chest and her face inches above mine.<\/p>\n \u201cSurprise,\u201d she laughed.\u00a0 \u201cSorry to wake you, Sleeping Beauty.\u201d<\/p>\n The gold satin was gone.\u00a0 She had changed into a light robe of pale pink silk, tied around the middle with a belt of the same fabric.\u00a0 As she leaned over me, I caught a glimpse of curved flesh inside the loose neckline and my stomach made a little flip of excitement.<\/p>\n Her nimble fingers began to unbutton my shirt.\u00a0 I watched her face, the little smile that played round the corners of her mouth, the hooded gleam in her lazy eyes.\u00a0 She was younger than Julia but still older than me, and sure of herself. She pushed the unfastened fabric back to my shoulders, baring my chest and stomach.\u00a0 Her hand moved over my front, gliding easily down to my belt.\u00a0 Our eyes met and I saw the playful glimmer in her gaze as her fingers eased the leather free.<\/p>\n \u201cTime to pay what you owe me,\u201d she murmured, and leaned down to kiss my mouth.<\/p>\n As my hand slid inside her robe, drawing the slippery silk aside, the door flew back on its hinges. \u00a0Instinctively, I rolled aside, grabbing for my gunbelt.\u00a0 Evie snatched her robe back around her.<\/p>\n \u201cJohn!\u201d she gasped.\u00a0 I glimpsed John Sturry\u2019s heavily jowled face, now made even less attractive by a swollen purple nose and two bruised eye sockets.\u00a0 Before either of us could say anything else, the man with Sturry had crossed to the bed and hauled me to my feet.\u00a0 I opened my mouth to protest but was silenced by the back of the man\u2019s hand as it caught me across the mouth.<\/p>\n \u201cI warned you both,\u201d said Sturry, as I reeled from the blow, \u201cbut you didn\u2019t listen.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cJohn, don\u2019t!\u201d The fear in Evie\u2019s voice made my stomach knot.\u00a0 I tried to wrench myself free, but my captor was no other than the pale-eyed man Sturry had set on me the night before; at least six inches taller than me and twice my weight.\u00a0 His fist caught me a second backhander that almost knocked my head from my shoulders. Then, picking me up by my shirt front, he slammed me hard into the wall<\/p>\n Around me the room swam in a hailstorm of exploding stars.\u00a0 Evie\u2019s shouts of protest seemed to come from a long way away.\u00a0\u00a0 As the room finally stopped swirling, I saw her writhing on the bed, battling beneath Sturry\u2019s oversized body, her cries muted and choking.\u00a0 I labored to my feet, dragging myself up against the door frame, and made another desperate attempt to launch myself at him, but a thick arm wrapped itself around my throat and a meaty hand grabbed my wrist and twisted my arm up behind me, holding me fast.<\/p>\n \u201cOh no you don\u2019t!\u201d hissed a voice in my ear, as my free hand flailed at my constricted throat.<\/p>\n \u201cEvie!\u201d I choked in desperation, but Evie had gone frighteningly quiet.\u00a0 Sturry rose from the bed, panting.\u00a0 Evie lay silent and disheveled on the quilt, robe awry, eyes wide and staring, mouth gaping.\u00a0 I stared at her in disbelief, then at Sturry.\u00a0 I couldn\u2019t break free.\u00a0 I was still held fast.<\/p>\n Sturry brushed himself down, wiped an arm across his forehead and combed his thinning hair straight with his fingers.\u00a0 Then he nodded at the man who held me.\u00a0 The arm drew back from my neck; my wrist was released.\u00a0\u00a0 I rushed to Evie and took her by the shoulders, but she was as limp as an empty glove.\u00a0 I let out a strangled cry of dismay.<\/p>\n Sturry\u2019s voice said, \u201cWhat have you done, boy?\u201d<\/p>\n I heard footsteps in the hall. The bartender and a man I didn\u2019t recognize materialized in the doorway.\u00a0 With them was the wrestler, the man who had beat me up the night before.\u00a0 I stared at them all, uncomprehending.<\/p>\n \u201cFind the sheriff,\u201d said Sturry, pulling a pistol from his vest and training it on me.\u00a0 \u201cThere\u2019s been a murder.\u201d<\/p>\n I saw then how they were all staring at me.\u00a0 All at once, I understood what was happening.\u00a0 \u201cIt was him,\u201d I said, my voice shaking, my head nodding at Sturry.\u00a0 \u201cHe killed her.\u201d<\/p>\n Sturry gave a cold laugh.\u00a0 \u201cDon\u2019t try to pin it on me, boy.\u00a0 There\u2019s a bar full of witnesses downstairs who saw you with her.\u201d\u00a0 He nodded at the bartender, who was looking scared.\u00a0 \u201cHarry, here, heard Evie tell you to come on up.\u00a0 And we all know the trouble you caused last night.\u201d\u00a0 He shook his head and gave a disapproving click of his tongue. \u201cLook at him, gentlemen.\u00a0 See for yourselves.\u00a0 Did he or did he not assault this girl?\u201d\u00a0 Turning his gaze back to me, he lifted his lip in a cold sneer.\u00a0 \u201cYou\u2019re not going to be able to deny anything, boy.\u00a0 I have witnesses here.\u201d<\/p>\n I gaped at him, uncomprehending.\u00a0 What the hell was going on?<\/p>\n \u201cIt wasn\u2019t me,\u201d I protested, but my throat had dried up and the words came out in a tight croak.<\/p>\n \u201cWe\u2019ll let the jury decide that, shall we?\u201d said Sturry.<\/p>\n \u201cYou killed her,\u201d I whispered, still unable to believe what had happened. \u201cWhy are you doing this?\u201d<\/p>\n The wrestler had left to fetch the sheriff, but at Sturry\u2019s nod, the pale-eyed man yanked me away from Evie\u2019s body.\u00a0 I struggled in his arms, my mind still trying to take in the fact that Evie was dead.\u00a0 It had all happened so fast, it was as if I was trapped in a nightmare from which I couldn\u2019t wake.<\/p>\n The sheriff, middle-aged and worn around the edges, had been roused from his bed.\u00a0 He and his deputy, a stern-faced, silent man, took in everything in an instant.\u00a0 The sheriff\u2019s gaze passed over Evie\u2019s rumpled body and then over me, the expression on his face one of weary resignation.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat\u2019s going on here?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI didn\u2019t kill her,\u201d I said, wondering why I felt so absurdly guilty.\u00a0 I\u2019d done nothing, but something about the look on the sheriff\u2019s face as he took in my bruised, rumpled state, filled me with an unprecedented sense of shame.<\/p>\n \u201cI came to find Evie,\u201d said Sturry.\u00a0 \u201cMissed her at the end of her shift downstairs.\u00a0 Harry said he\u2019d heard her making arrangements to meet this kid, and knowing he was a troublemaker, I was worried, so I came on up.\u00a0 I was too late, Sheriff.\u00a0 She was already dead.\u00a0 Charlie here was with me.\u00a0 He saw it too.\u00a0 Kid still had his hands around her throat as we came in.\u00a0 If I\u2019d just been a minute earlier\u2026\u201d\u00a0 Sturry raised his hands and let them drop again to his sides.\u00a0 \u201cYou know how I felt about her, Sheriff.\u201d<\/p>\n The sheriff looked at me and sighed. \u201cAnd what have you got to say about this, kid?\u201d<\/p>\n I shook my head, still numb.\u00a0 \u201cI didn\u2019t kill her; he did.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThis is the kid who broke my nose,\u201d added Sturry.\u00a0 \u201cVicious little cur.\u00a0 Watch him, Sheriff.\u201d<\/p>\n The sheriff\u2019s mouth tightened into a thin line.\u00a0 \u201cWhat\u2019s your name, boy?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cJoe,\u201d I said, and after a moment\u2019s hesitation, \u201cJoe Brown.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWell, Joe Brown, you\u2019d better come with me.\u00a0 I need to find out exactly what went on here.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI just told you what went on,\u201d said Sturry in a hard voice.\u00a0 \u201cThese men here are witnesses too.\u00a0 What else do you need to know, Sheriff?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNeed to hear what this boy has to say.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHe\u2019s a waster, Sheriff.\u00a0 Came here looking for trouble.\u201d<\/p>\n The sheriff patted his vest pocket and frowned. \u201cCuffs?\u201d he said to his deputy, but the deputy shook his head.\u00a0 The sheriff gave a tired sigh and took out his gun. \u201cWell, if he was<\/em> looking for trouble, he\u2019s sure as hell found it.\u201d\u00a0 He seized my arm in a tight grip and pressed his gun into my back.\u00a0 \u201cJust don\u2019t give me no more trouble now, understand?\u00a0 Unless you want a bullet inside you.\u201d\u00a0 He nodded at his deputy.\u00a0 \u201cJem, you stay here with the body.\u00a0 I\u2019ll send the doc up.\u201d\u00a0 The barrel of the gun prodded the small of my back as he propelled me from the room, towards the stairs.<\/p>\n \u201cSheriff, I didn\u2019t kill her,\u201d I protested again, as we went down the stairs.\u00a0 I could hear Sturry and his cohorts in the passageway behind us, but only the sheriff heard my plea this time.<\/p>\n The sheriff gave another of his heavy sighs.\u00a0 \u201cListen, son, I don\u2019t know what went on in that room, but I do know you tangled with John Sturry and that was a real dumb thing to do.\u00a0 Even if you was innocent, I don\u2019t know how much I can do to help you.\u00a0 There ain\u2019t a lawyer in this town will take your case now.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cMy pa\u2019ll find a lawyer.\u00a0 Send a telegraph to Virginia City.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t kill her, Sheriff.\u201d<\/p>\n The sheriff was ominously silent.\u00a0 As we reached the bottom of the stairs, I made another desperate attempt.\u00a0 \u201cSend the wire, Sheriff.\u00a0 Please.\u201d<\/p>\n The sheriff nudged me towards the saloon doors.\u00a0 It was late but a handful of men clustered around the bar.\u00a0 They watched us with interest, as if I was some unexpected entertainment. \u201cListen, kid, if John Sturry says you killed his girl, there ain\u2019t no lawyer, nowhere<\/em>, that\u2019s going to save you.\u201d<\/p>\n I looked round at him in rising panic.\u00a0 \u201cBut you\u2019re the law.\u00a0 You\u2019re obliged to find out the truth.\u201d<\/p>\n The sheriff gave a harsh laugh.\u00a0 \u201cI may be the sheriff, son, but Sturry\u2019s the law in this town.\u00a0 Judge and jury.\u201d<\/p>\n A hard knot was forming in my stomach as I understood the impact of his words.\u00a0 \u201cYou\u2019re saying I\u2019m going to hang, no matter what?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m saying your death warrant\u2019s sealed.\u00a0 Whether it\u2019s hanging or something else, your life\u2019s over, kid.\u00a0 It was over the minute you crossed Sturry.\u201d\u00a0 His voice was flat with resignation.<\/p>\n We pushed out through the doors into the cool air of the night.\u00a0 Inside me, fear was suddenly replaced by a burning surge of anger.\u00a0 I would not die for something I hadn\u2019t done.\u00a0 This whole town might be in fear of John Sturry, but I was not about to lie down and die for a crime I had not committed.<\/p>\n The sheriff\u2019s gun was still in my back, but he had released my arm to push open the saloon doors.\u00a0 With my mind racing, my eyes scanned the dark street in front of me.\u00a0 There were three horses hitched to the rail outside the saloon.\u00a0 As the doors swung to behind the sheriff, I made a dive for the wooden rail, tugging free the loose knot that held the nearest animal.\u00a0 In one swift move, I vaulted the rail and landed squarely in the saddle of the startled beast.\u00a0 I heard the sheriff\u2019s shout of warning, and dropped my body low against the horse\u2019s neck as I hauled it round and drove my heels hard into its side.\u00a0 It took off down the street at a frightened gallop.\u00a0\u00a0 Behind me, other shouts broke the quiet of the night, and then I heard gunshots.\u00a0 A bullet whizzed past my head, as I pressed my face into the horse\u2019s mane, and then a second.\u00a0 I stayed low, praying desperately, and then I felt the impact, low in the side of my back, almost catapulting me out of the saddle.\u00a0 I\u2019d been hit, but I felt no pain, just a sudden breathlessness.<\/p>\n And then I was around the corner, hurtling towards the outskirts of the town, the shouts of my pursuers drowned out by the rush of the night air past my head.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Chapter 9<\/strong><\/p>\n Now I was awake and in my right mind, there was too much time to think, and my thoughts plagued me harder than the hole in my side.\u00a0 The woman with the scar on her face brought me food and drink, checked the dressings over my wound, and, to my eternal humiliation, assisted with all my more intimate requirements too.\u00a0 She was brisk and efficient, but she spoke little and never looked me in the face.<\/p>\n \u201cI don\u2019t know your name,\u201d I said to her the evening after I first woke up, as she dressed my side with clean gauze and wrapped a fresh bandage around me.<\/p>\n \u201cYou don\u2019t need to know my name,\u201d she told me bluntly, her face expressionless.\u00a0 \u201cYou\u2019re going to be out of here as soon as you can walk.\u201d<\/p>\n I took the hint and fell silent.\u00a0 She finished what she was doing and rose from the bed with a bowl of soiled bandages in her hand.\u00a0 She didn\u2019t meet my eye.\u00a0 At the door she paused and I heard her say, \u201cClara Lennard.\u201d<\/p>\n She showed no curiosity about me or how I had come to be on her land with a bullet in my back.\u00a0 Puzzling over her was a welcome distraction from endlessly replaying the unfortunate events that had brought me to this place. She wasn\u2019t old, but she wasn\u2019t young either.\u00a0 She\u2019d said she was married, but there was no evidence of her husband.\u00a0 Did she live all alone on this farm?\u00a0 And what had happened to her face?\u00a0 And since she showed not the slightest interest in me, why had she gone to so much trouble to help me?\u00a0 Had anyone come after me?\u00a0 Talked to her?\u00a0 I tried to remember something\u2014anything\u2014about her finding me by the windowless hut, but my mind was a blank.\u00a0 Somehow she had gotten me into the house, and dug that bullet out of me\u2014and I remembered none of it.\u00a0 Nor of the days that had followed; days I preferred not to think about too closely because my insides curled to imagine everything she must have done for me.\u00a0 It was deeply embarrassing to have to succumb to her ministrations in everything, and I was determined to get better rapidly so I could regain my dignity and cease to be a burden on a woman who clearly wanted me gone.<\/p>\n By the following evening, I could sit up and even get out of bed, as long as I moved slowly and carefully.\u00a0 The morning after that, at my request, the woman brought me my clothes, and as I sat, hunched on the bed, exhausted from the exertion of getting into my pants and shirt, she appeared in the doorway and folded her arms above her apron.<\/p>\n \u201cSo you think you\u2019re going to walk twenty miles into town?\u201d<\/p>\n I frowned.\u00a0 I hadn\u2019t thought to ask about my horse.\u00a0 I did now.\u00a0 The woman shrugged.\u00a0 \u201cNo sign of a horse when I found you.\u201d<\/p>\n I looked at her doubtfully.\u00a0 \u201cDo you have a horse I could borrow?\u201d I asked, wiping sweat from my face with my hand.<\/p>\n \u201cNo,\u201d she said, flatly.<\/p>\n Exhaustion had shortened my temper.\u00a0 \u201cWell, you don\u2019t want me to stay here, do you?\u201d<\/p>\n She thought about that for a moment before replying.\u00a0 Then she said, \u201cThat\u2019s true.\u201d<\/p>\n I sank my head in my hands.\u00a0 Why were we having this pointless conversation?\u00a0 After a few more moments of silence, she added, \u201cOn the other hand, I\u2019ve put a lot of effort into keeping you alive.\u00a0 Against my better judgment.\u00a0 You could at least try and stay<\/em> alive.\u201d<\/p>\n It was the most I had heard her say in three whole days, but I was baffled.\u00a0 I looked up with a puzzled frown.\u00a0 She stared at the floor, avoiding my gaze.<\/p>\n \u201cYou saved my life,\u201d I acknowledged.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m very grateful for everything you\u2019ve done.\u201d<\/p>\n For a brief moment, her eyes flicked to my face and then away again.\u00a0 \u201cAre you?\u201d<\/p>\n I frowned harder. \u201cWhat do you mean?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI mean, are<\/em> you grateful to be alive?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhat kind of a question is that?\u00a0 Of course I\u2019m glad to be alive. \u00a0Why wouldn\u2019t I be?\u201d<\/p>\n She didn\u2019t answer.\u00a0 After another pause, she said, \u201cDid you kill somebody?\u201d<\/p>\n My insides turned cold.\u00a0 \u201cNo!\u00a0 Why do you ask that?\u201d<\/p>\n She stared at me for several seconds without answering, then she turned away.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019ll make you a bed in the barn,\u201d she said.\u00a0 \u201cYou can rest up there for a few more days.\u00a0 Until you\u2019re fit enough to leave.\u201d<\/p>\n So I moved out to the barn, to a bed of rugs and blankets, and the comparatively cheerful company of a couple of goats and a collection of busy chickens whose home was the barn and the field behind.\u00a0 The woman came out in the evening to bring me a plate of food, and to milk the goats.\u00a0 As usual, she said nothing to me; did not even glance in my direction.\u00a0 I watched her as I ate.\u00a0 I hadn\u2019t seen her at a distance before, going about her everyday chores.\u00a0 She was tall and slim, with strong shoulders, and she moved with a grace that surprised me.\u00a0 Seemingly oblivious to me, she went about her business and made her way back to the house, and once again, we hadn\u2019t spoken a word.<\/p>\n In the morning, she brought me eggs and bread.\u00a0 Once again, I watched her prepare for milking.<\/p>\n \u201cI could do that,\u201d I said, swallowing a mouthful of food, as she set her stool ready.<\/p>\n She looked around at me.\u00a0 I\u2019d surprised her enough that she actually met my eye.<\/p>\n \u201cI can manage,\u201d she said, abruptly, and turned away again.<\/p>\n \u201cI know you can.\u00a0 But, since I\u2019m here, I\u2019d like to be of some use.\u201d<\/p>\n She hesitated, then stepped back.\u00a0 \u201cAll right.\u00a0 But don\u2019t hurt your back.\u201d<\/p>\n She stood watching as I made a clumsy job of milking the goat.\u00a0 The goat, unimpressed, voiced her loud objection to my ham-fisted attempts, and dug her hoof into my hand.\u00a0 But I persisted, despite the sweat that broke out over my face as the wound in my back, under strain even from such a light chore, throbbed and tugged.\u00a0 Finally, I sat back, surveying the hard-won milk in the pail, and looked up at the woman, exhausted but pleased with myself.<\/p>\n To my surprise, she was laughing.\u00a0 Not out loud, but silently, a wide grin on her twisted face.\u00a0 I stared at her, taken momentarily aback.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019ll improve,\u201d I promised her.\u00a0 \u201cI just need some practice.\u201d<\/p>\n She said nothing, but walked away, her shoulders still quivering with her private amusement.<\/p>\n She was an enigma.\u00a0 I couldn\u2019t make her out.\u00a0 After the milking episode, there was a change, though.\u00a0 Although we still didn\u2019t converse much, she would meet my eye, even smile when she handed me a plate or took a pail of milk from me.<\/p>\n I was moving about with caution, more like an old man of Pa\u2019s age than one of eighteen.\u00a0 I watched the woman from a distance as she went about her daily routine and I labored carefully around the yard, determined to regain some strength and flexibility.\u00a0 Wherever I could, I offered to lend a hand, although my usefulness was limited.\u00a0 But as well as milking goats, I could peel and chop vegetables, pluck a chicken, hang laundry, even sweep the house and yard, as long as I did it slowly. Every chore I took on seemed to soften Clara Lennard\u2019s coldness towards me.\u00a0 Watching me determinedly squeezing the teat of an indignant goat never failed to bring the smile back to her face, and that made me smile too.<\/p>\n There were other mysteries about the farm that puzzled me.\u00a0 Behind the house was a strange mound in the earth, the size and shape of a grave.\u00a0 I thought about her solitary existence and wondered if her husband was buried there.\u00a0 She hadn\u2019t volunteered any more information about him, and her closed manner discouraged me from inquiring.<\/p>\n Then there was the windowless shack, with its chimney, on the far side of the goats\u2019 field, secured by a hefty lock on the door, which also remained unexplained.\u00a0 I watched the woman cross to it at least twice a day.\u00a0 She never stayed long, and always took great care to lock the door on her exit. I resisted the urge to investigate more closely.\u00a0 I had the distinct impression she wouldn\u2019t take kindly to my prying into her affairs.<\/p>\n I still had too much thinking time, even with my efforts to find chores to keep myself occupied.\u00a0 I thought constantly about home; about Pa, Adam, Hoss and Hop Sing; how they must be wondering where I was.\u00a0 I thought, too, about Angels Creek, and about Evie.\u00a0 Why had no one come after me?\u00a0 Was that because of the sheriff?\u00a0 Had he known all along that I was not the one responsible for her death?\u00a0 And what was I to do when I left this place?\u00a0 Where was I to go?\u00a0 I had no idea if I was still a wanted man.\u00a0 I had stolen a horse too, although I had left a good Ponderosa gelding in the livery in Angels Creek.\u00a0 Was that a fair exchange or was I now a horse thief as well?\u00a0 My life was in a mess and I had no idea how to straighten it all out or how to redeem myself in the eyes of my family.<\/p>\n On the morning of my sixth day in the barn, I was goat-milking once again.\u00a0 Finally I seemed to have established an understanding with my horned companions, and the procedure had become a whole lot less stressful for both sides.\u00a0 Mrs. Lennard appeared in the barn door with a plate of biscuits and a mug of coffee.\u00a0 I looked up from my task and saw the familiar amusement lightening her serious features.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m going to be leaving tomorrow.\u00a0 It\u2019s time I was on my way,\u201d I told her. \u201cIs there another town?\u00a0 Other than Angels Creek, I mean?\u201d<\/p>\n For a long moment, she didn\u2019t move.\u00a0 The steam from the coffee rose straight in the still air of the morning.\u00a0 Her silence wasn\u2019t unusual, but it still made me awkward.\u00a0 Finally, she moved into the barn and set down the plate and cup on a wooden crate. \u201cYes,\u201d she said, \u201cbut a lot further.\u00a0 Forty, fifty miles.\u201d<\/p>\n I let my head drop.\u00a0 I had no horse; no means other than my own two feet to cover forty or fifty miles, and I was far from sure I was fit to walk that distance.\u00a0 Still, I would have to try.<\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019s a long way,\u201d she said, surprising me since she rarely volunteered extra conversation.<\/p>\n I conceded with a nod and a shrug.<\/p>\n She watched me for a few moments longer.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019ll cook a chicken for supper.\u00a0 You\u2019ll need a good meal inside you.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo need,\u201d I assured her.\u00a0 \u201cYou\u2019ve done so much already.\u201d<\/p>\n As usual, she said nothing in reply, but strode to the rear door of the barn and out into the field.\u00a0 I pictured her wandering up to her mysterious shack.\u00a0 Finishing up with the goats, I straightened my back with customary care.\u00a0 It felt easier with every passing day, but the wound still tugged and gave me pain when I was careless.\u00a0 I limped to the rear door, still curious about the shack.<\/p>\n She startled me.\u00a0 She hadn\u2019t crossed the field to the small hut.\u00a0 She was waiting just outside the barn in the sunshine.\u00a0 When she saw me, she nodded at the little wooden building.\u00a0 \u201cI suppose you wonder what\u2019s in there.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m curious.\u201d<\/p>\n She started to walk across the field.\u00a0 I wasn\u2019t certain whether our brief conversation had amounted to an invitation or not, but when she paused and looked back at me, I realized it had.\u00a0 I limped after her, intrigued.<\/p>\n When we reached the door and she drew out the key from her pocket and slid it into the lock, I found I was holding my breath.\u00a0 She pushed open the door and I stared in astonishment.\u00a0 There was a stove, and a table, and copper pots and kettles and pipes.\u00a0 I took it all in and then found I was laughing.<\/p>\n \u201cA still!\u00a0 So that\u2019s it!\u201d\u00a0 I ran my eyes over the cleverly improvised arrangement.\u00a0 I could smell the thick fragrance of yeast and malt in the warm air.\u00a0 \u201cI had no idea. So what do you do?\u00a0 Sell it?\u201d<\/p>\n For a moment, I thought she wouldn\u2019t answer, but then she nodded.\u00a0 And just when I thought that was all the response I would get, she added, \u201cIt\u2019s how I survive here on my own.\u00a0 I sell the whiskey in town.\u201d<\/p>\n I turned to look at her, impressed in spite of myself.\u00a0 The fair hair framing the crooked face was the color of barley and her eyes the blue of the summer sky.\u00a0 Despite the scar distorting her expression, I could see her pride as she surveyed her strange little kingdom.\u00a0 All at once I felt an odd admiration.<\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019s impressive,\u201d I said, and she turned her eyes in my direction and gave me a searching look.<\/p>\n \u201cSo now you know.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cSo now I know.\u201d<\/p>\n She made no move to leave. I sensed she had more to say.<\/p>\n \u201cYou won\u2019t say anything to anyone, will you?\u201d<\/p>\n I looked at her surprised.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m in your debt, Mrs. Lennard.\u201d<\/p>\n She nodded, satisfied.\u00a0 We backed out of the little hut and she locked the door behind us, pocketing the key in her apron.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Chapter 10<\/strong><\/p>\n A smell of roast chicken floated from the house on the evening breeze.\u00a0 I was doing the evening milking and trying to ignore a sense of nervous dread about my departure the next day.\u00a0 I still couldn\u2019t figure out what to do.\u00a0 I\u2019d even considered returning to Angels Creek and facing down the man who had falsely accused me.\u00a0 I could wire Pa too, let him know I was still alive.\u00a0 Maybe he would wire back and tell me I was forgiven; that things were fine again at home; that Anna Weslingham had convinced her husband I was not to blame for what had happened.\u00a0 But then, in all likelihood, I would be hauled in on a trumped-up murder charge.\u00a0 Would Pa be able to save me from that too?<\/p>\n The woman didn\u2019t appear, so I carried the milk to the house, walking slowly and carefully as the weight sent reminders of pain through my healing back.\u00a0 I paused on the porch.\u00a0 Since I\u2019d moved out to the barn, I hadn\u2019t been back inside the house.\u00a0 Something in Clara Lennard\u2019s face had told me I was not welcome inside.\u00a0 But she must have heard me approach because she came to the door, wiping her hands on a towel and looked me up and down.<\/p>\n \u201cCome in.\u201d<\/p>\n I followed her in and observed to my surprise that she had spread a cloth over the table, and it was set for two.\u00a0 She saw I\u2019d noticed.<\/p>\n \u201cSince you\u2019re leaving,\u201d she said, by way of explanation.\u00a0 \u201cHave a seat.\u00a0 The chicken\u2019s cooked.\u201d<\/p>\n She served food onto two plates and we ate the chicken in our customary silence.\u00a0 I wanted to say something in recognition of all she\u2019d done for me, but her guardedness deterred me.<\/p>\n \u201cThat was a fine meal,\u201d I said, eventually, and with feeling because it was true.<\/p>\n She offered me more chicken, but I\u2019d eaten plenty. She reached for my plate and stacked it with hers.\u00a0 When she\u2019d put the dishes in the basin for washing, she went to a cupboard in the corner and took out a bottle of colorless liquid.\u00a0 Back at the table, she poured measures into two glasses and pushed one across to me.<\/p>\n \u201cIs this it?\u201d I asked.\u00a0 \u201cThe stuff you make?\u201d<\/p>\n She nodded.\u00a0 \u201cTry it.\u201d<\/p>\n The whiskey was rough, but I\u2019d tasted rougher.\u00a0 It scoured my throat and snatched at my breath but I swallowed and grinned.\u00a0 \u201cJust like the real stuff.\u201d<\/p>\n We each finished the first glass without any more words between us.\u00a0 She poured a second, and it seemed impolite to refuse.\u00a0 I sat, cradling the glass in my hands while she swallowed hers back with surprising speed.<\/p>\n \u201cYou don\u2019t like it?\u201d\u00a0 She nodded at my untouched glass.<\/p>\n \u201cOh no, it\u2019s not that.\u00a0 It\u2019s just that\u2026well, I\u2019m not great with whiskey.\u201d<\/p>\n She smiled then.\u00a0 I still hadn\u2019t gotten used to her smiling, it happened so rarely.\u00a0 \u201cYou\u2019re worried you won\u2019t be able to leave in the morning?\u201d<\/p>\n I dropped my eyes to the table, uncertain what I should say.<\/p>\n \u201cSo stay another day.\u00a0 What difference does it make?\u201d<\/p>\n I watched her pour herself a third glass.<\/p>\n \u201cI thought you didn\u2019t want me around?\u201d<\/p>\n She frowned into her glass.\u00a0 I was used to the silence between us by now.\u00a0 \u201cMaybe I didn\u2019t when I first found you, but I\u2019m kind of used to you now.\u00a0 If you want to stay, you can.\u201d<\/p>\n It was my turn to be at a loss for words. \u201cThank you,\u201d I said, eventually.\u00a0 \u201cI appreciate the offer.\u201d<\/p>\n She raised her face to look at me.\u00a0 She rarely did that either.\u00a0 I noticed two spots of color high on her cheeks and wondered if the liquor was responsible.\u00a0 Strangely enough, I barely registered the scar on her face any more.<\/p>\n \u201cIf you go back to Angels Creek, they\u2019ll hang you.\u201d<\/p>\n My stomach turned cold. \u201cYou know?\u201d<\/p>\n She nodded.\u00a0 \u201cThe morning after the storm, the sheriff came by.\u00a0 With John Sturry.\u201d\u00a0 Her face hardened as she said the name.\u00a0 \u201cAsked me if any strangers had passed this way.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhat did you tell them?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI told them the truth.\u00a0 All the truth I knew at that point, anyways.\u00a0 I said a man had ridden into the yard the night before looking for somewhere to sleep and I\u2019d sent him packing.\u00a0 I hadn\u2019t been up to the shack that day.\u00a0 I had no idea you were lying half dead behind it.\u00a0 If I had, I\u2019d have probably turned you over to the sheriff.\u201d<\/p>\n I was still staring.\u00a0 \u201cProbably?\u201d<\/p>\n She shrugged.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m no friend of John Sturry.\u00a0 When I went up to the shack and found you lying there\u2026\u201d\u00a0 She hesitated, frowning, and shook her head.\u00a0 \u201cWell, you\u2019d obviously upset John Sturry.\u00a0 Anyone who can do that gets my support.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou don\u2019t like him either?\u201d<\/p>\n She gave a cold laugh but didn\u2019t elaborate.<\/p>\n \u201cI broke his nose,\u201d I told her, sighing.\u00a0 \u201cHe accused me of murder.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cDid you do it?\u201d<\/p>\n She sounded so matter of fact\u2014like she wouldn\u2019t have been bothered whichever way I answered\u2014that I was momentarily taken aback.\u00a0 I shook my head.\u00a0 \u201cNo.\u00a0 He did.\u201d<\/p>\n She nodded.\u00a0 \u201cThat figures.\u201d<\/p>\n I had never known her talk so much.\u00a0 I narrowed my eyes, puzzled.\u00a0 \u201cYou know John Sturry well?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHe once asked me to marry him.\u201d<\/p>\n I must have been gaping like a fish because she colored right up and rose from the table, turning away from me to the stove.\u00a0 \u201cIs it so hard to believe?\u201d\u00a0 For the first time, I heard a note of hurt in her voice.\u00a0 \u201cI didn\u2019t always look this way, you know.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo,\u201d I said, swiftly, \u201cI didn\u2019t mean\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n She turned back and gave me a glare so fierce, I felt as if I\u2019d been slapped.\u00a0 Then she raised her hand to her mutilated cheek. \u201cIt was John Sturry did this to me.\u201d<\/p>\n Before I could reply, she slumped back into her chair, head lowered, shoulders hunched.\u00a0 I started to speak but she shook her head.<\/p>\n \u201cYou should leave now.\u201d<\/p>\n An awkward silence descended, but I didn\u2019t move.\u00a0 After a minute had passed, she sighed.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m sorry.\u00a0 It\u2019s been so long since I\u2019ve been around decent folk, I\u2019ve forgotten how to have a civilized conversation.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThat\u2019s a relief,\u201d I told her.<\/p>\n She glanced up at me and frowned.\u00a0 \u201cWhat is?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThat you class me as a decent person.\u201d<\/p>\n She stared at me then for longer than she had ever looked at me before.\u00a0 I was able to see right into her eyes, and they were full of sadness.<\/p>\n \u201cOh, Joe!\u201d she sighed.\u00a0 And that was all she said.<\/p>\n I drained the second glass of whiskey.\u00a0 She pushed the bottle at me and I poured another for each of us.\u00a0 I could already feel the alcohol loosening the edges of my brain.\u00a0 It never takes much.<\/p>\n \u201cWhy do you stay out here on your own?\u201d I asked.<\/p>\n She shook her head.\u00a0 \u201cLong story.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019d like to hear it.\u201d<\/p>\n She gave a harsh little laugh and another shake of her head.\u00a0 \u201cBut I don\u2019t want to tell it.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou must get lonely.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI prefer my own company.\u201d<\/p>\n I hesitated, but the whiskey had worked its way into my tongue.\u00a0 \u201cYou told me you were married.\u00a0 Where\u2019s your husband?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cDead.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOh.\u00a0 I\u2019m sorry.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cDon\u2019t be.\u00a0 He was a lying, thieving bully.\u00a0 It\u2019s better this way.\u201d<\/p>\n I raised my head and looked at the back wall of the house, seeing through it to the earth mound outside.\u00a0 As though she read my mind, she said, \u201cThat\u2019s not him out there, if that\u2019s what you\u2019re thinking.\u00a0 That was another low down, thieving good for nothing.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou\u2019ve not had much luck with people.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou could say that.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cMaybe you\u2019ve just been unlucky.\u00a0 There are a lot of good folks out there.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cLiars, cheats, cowards, bullies, philanderers\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n The venom in her voice pulled me up short.\u00a0 I retreated back into silence.\u00a0 After a long pause, she spoke again, unexpectedly.<\/p>\n \u201cI used to like to dance.\u00a0 I miss that.\u201d<\/p>\n I stared at her in surprise.\u00a0 She sighed impatiently.\u00a0 \u201cListen, Joe, don\u2019t go back to Angels Creek.\u00a0 John Sturry never forgets.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cMaybe it\u2019s time someone stood up to him.\u201d<\/p>\n Her laugh was bitter.\u00a0 \u201cI tried to stand up to him.\u00a0 Look what happened to me.\u201d<\/p>\n I leaned forward across the table.\u00a0 \u201cPlease, tell me what happened.<\/p>\n She sighed again and bit her lip.\u00a0 Raising her hand, she touched the twisted skin of her cheek as if reminding herself.\u00a0 \u201cYou won\u2019t understand.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cTry me.\u201d<\/p>\n She weighed me with her eyes.\u00a0 I was expecting her to shake her head.\u00a0 Refuse. But she didn\u2019t.\u00a0 She dropped her eyes to the table and began to speak in a voice devoid of emotion.<\/p>\n \u201cI was born in Angels Creek.\u00a0 It was a good town then.\u00a0 My mother died when I was eight.\u00a0 My father was a respected lawyer.\u00a0 We had a big house, plenty of money, so life was pretty good, all in all.<\/p>\n \u201cWhen I was fifteen, John Sturry came to town.\u00a0 Bought up a couple of failing businesses, quickly made a name for himself as a sharp businessman.\u00a0 Before long, he had fingers in several different pies.\u00a0 He built a new school and a fancy theatre for the town so that folks would love him.\u00a0 My father didn\u2019t like him though.\u00a0 Said he was a thug in a fancy vest.<\/p>\n