Summary:\u00a0 The Cartwrights face an unseen enemy who is preying upon the young women of Virginia City .. can it possibly be the man Adam suspects?<\/p>\n
Rating:\u00a0 T\u00a0 (164,625 words)<\/p>\n
Home is the Sailor Series<\/strong>:\u00a0 The saga continues after the conclusion of the Captain Cartwright series<\/a>.<\/p>\n Home is the Sailor<\/a> <\/p>\n <\/p>\n EQUINOX<\/strong><\/p>\n Chapter 1<\/p>\n \u201cMy name is Ben Cartwright. My home is the Ponderosa.\u201d<\/i><\/p>\n He never opened his eyes until he had uttered those words. He never opened them because he was afraid that when he did he would find himself back in that hospital room with the white walls and the white ceiling and a window that he had been unable to look out off for what seemed days.<\/p>\n He was afraid that if he did not say those words as soon as he woke up to a new day, then it could mean he had forgotten \u2013 forgotten who he was, who he is now, because not so long ago, he had been in that black hole of nothingness and he dreaded returning to it.<\/p>\n He felt calm. His pulse and heart beat were steady. The ache in his chest reminded him that he was mortal, he had nearly died, but he was alive. He inhaled a deep breath, and opened his eyes.<\/p>\n A new day and all was well.<\/p>\n For a few moments longer he just lay there and savoured the fact that he was back home. Downstairs Hop Sing would be preparing the morning meal, his family \u2013 well that part of the family that shared this house with him -would join him before going their separate ways. Hannah to school, Hester would take Hope on their morning chores and Erik would run around and enjoy life, and why not? A child should have every opportunity in life to enjoy his freedom, the restraints imposed by adulthood came soon enough.<\/p>\n He heard Hoss whistling and smiled as he swung his legs over the side of the bed and felt the warmth of the rug beneath his feet. He reached for the walking stick that leaned against the night stand within reach of his hand and stood up. His leg was getting stronger, but the stick was still a necessary evil. At least he could get about now, mount his horse, go riding…<\/p>\n He walked to the window and looked out at the view, every morning he needed to see that view, just \u2013 well \u2013 just to make sure that it was just as he remembered it. Clouds were gathering above the tops of mountains, and the air was colder. He shook his head and sighed, like so many his age, winter brought along the aches and pains that came with being older.<\/p>\n \u201cDon’t fool yourself, Ben Cartwright, you are old!\u201d<\/i><\/p>\n \u2026….<\/p>\n It never paid to dawdle, not when there was school to attend and that never ending journey which seemed to be twice as long on a cold windy day. Sofia grabbed at her bag, her books, her lunch pail and closed her eyes. Just for a moment she needed to stand very still and collect her thoughts, and her self, so that she could face the day.<\/p>\n She could hear Nathaniel protesting about something in the other room, her father’s deep voice talking to Reuben in the study. Sounds coming from everywhere! She finally opened her eyes and looked around her and sighed, hopes of having been transported to somewhere else had not been realised. She sighed and made her way to the door where she waited for Hank, or Ezra, or even Cheng Ho Lee to drive into the yard and thus begin the trek to town.<\/p>\n When Granpa had been ill in that other town they had stayed in Virginia City, it had been more than an adventure, it had been wonderful. She had not realised what being a town girl meant, and now could understand why Rosie had always been so miserable at having been brought to live on the Canadays homestead. Sofia hopped from one foot to the other thinking about that, and wondering if it would ever be possible to convince her Pa that a move into town could be a good idea.<\/p>\n She frowned, realised her boot lace was undone and put down her books, bag, lunch pail in order to tie it up. There had been a lot of talk lately about moving away…she had not understood most of it, after all, the adults had made sure that the children were not privy to their discussions, but she knew enough and heard enough for her to speculate for herself.<\/p>\n To leave the Ponderosa and go to that other town, to where there was a vast meadow that her Pa and Uncles thought were extra special. She had seen them around the table looking at maps, smiles, frowns and lots of pouting and furrowing of brows….laughter too, and sometimes even raised voices.<\/p>\n Hannah had told her the same thing was happening where she lived, her Pa and Granpa were often deep in conversation and there was often a map on the table, which Granpa would scribble over and then her Pa would scribble over somewhere else.<\/p>\n Sofia straightened up and picked up her belongings. Would they be leaving the Ponderosa? She loved her home, she would not admit it to anyone, but she was beginning to enjoy school. Reuben had not talked about any move, and when she had asked him about it, expressed her concerns he had just shrugged and said roughly \u201cI don’t know…\u201d<\/p>\n She didn’t realise that her big brother was harbouring the same fears as herself. He didn’t want to talk about it because \u2013 well, sometimes talking about something made it seem more real. It was as though a box had been opened and everything had popped out and there was no way it could be put back, not as tidily. Reuben had his own thoughts about leaving the Ponderosa, and he didn’t want to share them with any girl, especially his sister.<\/p>\n Neither of them knew whom they could talk to about it, because if Pa and Ma and the Uncles and Aunts and Grandfather had not discussed it with them, it simply meant that the matter was not to be mentioned. They would just have to ‘sit on it’ and wait for the answer.<\/p>\n But it was very difficult<\/p>\n Reuben emerged from the study looking suitably calm, he called out goodbye to his mother and Nathaniel, and rushed out of the house in order to get Max out of the stable. The steady little horse had already been saddled up and ready to go, so it seemed no sooner had he closed the front door than he was riding out of the yard. As he did so Ezra appeared with the buggy, and Hannah’s little face was just visible behind his back.<\/p>\n The buggy was always better than the wagon, it was comfortable and had a hood and a cape so they were protected from the cold blasts from the wind. Sofia sighed with relief, called out her own goodbyes and was about to open the door and run out into the hard when her father came and scooped her up into his arms and gave her a hug<\/p>\n \u201cGood bye Daddy,\u201d she giggled, and looked down into the brown eyes that were twinkling up at her. She thought her father had the most brown eyes in the world, and she loved the way he would smile and dimples creased his cheeks.<\/p>\n \u201cEnjoy your day, pumpkin.\u201d he said and kissed her lightly on the brow before setting her back down onto the floor.<\/p>\n Then she was gone, a flash of blue coat, blonde hair and ribbons disappearing across the yard and clambering up into the buggy. Adam watched her from the doorway, raised a hand to wave her farewell and remained standing there to see the buggy disappear around the bend by the stables.<\/p>\n His wife’s arms snaked around his waist, he felt her lean against him with her face upon the centre of his back. He smiled, turned into her embrace and encircled her waist with his own arms, then lowered his face to meet hers \u201cOne day she’ll be too big for me to pick up like that…\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cShe’s growing up,\u201d Olivia nodded, and tightened her hold on him, \u201cOne can’t stop the inevitable.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHappens too fast…\u201d he murmured and lowered his head so that his lips touched hers, lightly, softly.<\/p>\n \u201cMuch too fast.\u201d she whispered as she returned the kiss.<\/p>\n They parted slowly, smiled at one another, \u201cI guess I had better get to work…\u201d he murmured and leaned in for another kiss<\/p>\n \u201cYes, and I have things to do \u2013 the hospice, the bank, various -\u201d his mouth stopped her from saying another word, and just for a moment she forgot about the hospice, the bank and various whatever they happened to be…just for the moment she lingered in her husbands arms and enjoyed the smell of him, and the taste, and the gentle pressure o f his lips upon hers.<\/p>\n \u2026……………<\/p>\n Joseph Cartwright stood and stroked the sleek neck of the horse while he listened to his little boy chattering away beside him. The horse nudged the man with his handsome head and then nodded as though to encourage Joe to continue stroking and fussing him, Karim, son of Kami, was a singularly beautiful animal, and had been put to stud during the previous year. Joe was hoping it would be the start of something big, perhaps the cattle station could also become a stud farm.<\/p>\n A noise from the door of the stables caught his attention and he turned to see his wife standing there watching him with a whimsical smile on her face. \u201cI’ve been watching you for the past five minutes, Joe. You were lost in thought \u2013 if I didn’t know better I’d say you loved your horse more than you loved me.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe laughed and shook his head. Still slim, but bulked out with the muscle that came from hard work on the ranch, and from breaking in countless horses, Joe was a handsome looking man and as so many had told him that fact since he was knee high to his brother Hoss, then he truly believed them. No point in denying the obvious he would have said had anyone accused him of being arrogant. But he wasn’t that, not at all, proud yes, of his family, of what they had achieved, but humble enough to admit that there had been times when it could all have easily slipped through their fingers.<\/p>\n She stepped into the stable now and Daniel ran over to snatch at her hand, holding up his cup and ball to show her. It was his favourite toy, and already looking well worn.<\/p>\n \u201cI was just thinking \u2013 about having a stud farm.\u201d<\/p>\n She nodded, it was a subject he had raised several times, ever since Adam had given Karim to his youngest brother as a gift. She slipped her fingers into his, felt Joe’s entwine between hers, and smiled. \u201cWell, he certainly looks the part -\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHis first off spring are due in a few months. Gallagher is keeping a close eye on the mare, she was quite a beauty herself so when it is born it should be quite a handsome foal.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI guess so.\u201d<\/p>\n She raised a hand and stroked the horse, feeling its soft muzzle beneath her fingers, Karim nodded as though to confirm he liked the attention. \u201cI just came to see if you had a little boy in here who should be indoors eating his breakfast.\u201d<\/p>\n She looked down at Daniel with a ‘pretend’ scowl on her face and her son laughed, always happy to get attention from his pretty Ma. Joe nodded and picked the boy up, swung him back and forth once or twice before depositing him in Mary Ann’s arms, \u201cOff you go, son, be a good boy for your Ma\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHe’s always good, arn’t you, son?\u201d and Mary Ann laughed as she kissed the warm soft neck of the little boy before putting him down and telling him to run indoors.<\/p>\n \u201cI’d best get to work, Pa will be wondering where I am..\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI think he’s used to you being late -\u201d she laughed as she leaned in to grab his hand and kiss his cheek.<\/p>\n \u201cWell, I’m never late, just later than Adam, and he’s always early.\u201d Joe chuckled and then looked at her more seriously..<\/p>\n Just sometimes he had to step back from himself and look at her as though he had never seen her before in his life, in that way he could capture the whole of her, the essence of her being, and he loved her more and more each time.<\/p>\n \u201cWell,\u201d he said softly, as though reluctant to admit to it, \u201cI had better stop dragging my feet…\u201d he kissed her and then turned to his horse, Navajo, took his reins and led him out, passing his wife as they exited the building \u201cSee you soon…\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cDon’t be too late…\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI’ll try not to be…\u201d<\/p>\n A wave of the hand, a nod of the head and a smile on his handsome face and then he was gone, horse and rider disappearing in a cloud of dust as he loped his way from his home to the Ponderosa ranch.<\/p>\n Chapter 2<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n There had been several theatres built during the heyday of Virginia City’s triumphs. The first theatre of any significance had been Topliffe’s* on C Street which had been built in 1862. Tom Maguire built his theatre on D Street in 1863* and five years later John Piper purchased it.*<\/p>\n When the big fire in 1875 burned it down, along with countless hundreds of other buildings, Piper rebuilt his theatre in B Street. Piper’s Theatre and Opera House* opened in 1878*, and had the capacity to seat 900.<\/p>\n From the time it had re-opened the Cartwrights had enjoyed a regular attendance to its theatrical productions, particularly when the travelling Shakespeare Company made their annual visit to present one of the Bard’s plays. Hoss was the only one to prefer staying at home if the play was ‘serious’. He preferred comedy. He had never fully recovered from his experience of seeing Adah Menken being strung up on a horse, ‘nekkid’. The resultant fallout from her visit had put him off serious theatre for life.<\/p>\n He far rather enjoyed seeing the antics of clowns, and he could follow a comedy well enough, his hearty guffaws had more success in making the audience laugh along than the actual performance. John Piper had even asked him to join the theatre company as a kind of prompt when some comedies were lacking ‘audience participation’. It was an offer Hoss was happy to refuse.<\/p>\n However, he never stopped Hester from going into town to watch some Shakespeare or whatever other drama was to be performed. It was not something she often did, as she never felt comfortable going anywhere without her husband by her side but she often accompanied Adam and Olivia, even at times, inveigled her cousin Ann to join with her.<\/p>\n When she had been a young girl, attending the theatre had been her favourite outing of all. She would regularly attend with her brothers, Marlow and Milton and when Ann was staying in New York with them, she would go along too. Hester was able to lose herself in the performance and forget about the oppressive atmosphere at home. Ann was also of like mind, her visits to New York City were rare, and dependent on where her father, an officer in the army, was stationed at any particular time. The bond between the two girls had grown strong over the years and a theatre outing was always a joy that they could share between them.<\/p>\n So it was that she now looked forward to a performance of Romeo and Juliet along with Ann, escorted by Ben and accompanied by Adam and Olivia. The tickets for their box had been purchased and all they had to do was present themselves in the magnificent foyer and mount the red carpeted stairs and settle into their plush velvet seats in order to be transported into the courts of two warring families, the sweet love of two young people, and their sorrowful but unnecessary deaths.<\/p>\n \u2026………………..<\/p>\n Christopher Orr had recently moved into Virginia City. He was a lawyer from Phoenix, Arizona with excellent credentials, having been educated at Yale, only son of a senator and from a family who claimed to have arrived on the Mayflower. He was wealthy, ‘old money’ as Widow Hawkins said, and he had a head for making a dollar spin into treble the amount it had been when coming into contact with him.<\/p>\n A handsome man, he was not overly tall but could match Joe Cartwright in height. Dark haired which he wore slightly longer than most, clean shaved, hazel eyed. He was neither too fat nor too thin, an excellent horseman, and what one would consider to be a ‘ladies man’. So far no one in town had yet found out if there was a wife somewhere, or whether he was widowed, or single. He kept a tight mouth on his personal life. There was, however, no denying the fact that he liked the ladies, and in the short time he had been in town, he was seldom to be seen in public without a woman on his arm.<\/p>\n He had been among the crowd that had welcomed Ben Cartwright back to town, and had made it his business to find out all that he could about the Ponderosa, and the family who owned so much land.<\/p>\n On several occasions he had hired a horse and ridden out onto the Ponderosa noting that it was not policed, there was little security, and one could wander about at will. He had even gone on one of the tours around Lake Tahoe* that had been a feature of the Whitney Hotel Management, by agreement with Ben Cartwright some years previously. He had been impressed by its beauty but also by the fact that so much could belong to just one family.<\/p>\n He enjoyed a social life, he donated to charities, he had, unknown to the Cartwright ladies, been behind the contribution for their hospice. He was fast becoming one of Virginia City’s favourite citizens.<\/p>\n But this particular Saturday evening he was going to the theatre to watch Romeo and Juliet. He had his own box reserved for him and his guest, a Miss Lucille Agutter.<\/p>\n \u2026……………..<\/p>\n Joseph Cartwright stood in front of the mirror and adjusted his tie, sighed and shook his head before turning to look at his wife who stood beside him with a smile on her face. It didn’t help that the smile was similar to the one she would bestow upon her son when he had tried to achieve something and failed. He sighed again,<\/p>\n \u201cDang hair.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOh dear ..\u201d the smile widened<\/p>\n \u201cI reckon I inherited what Hoss has lost.\u201d he thrust fingers through his mane and grimaced, then smiled at her and nodded \u201cMary Ann, you look beautiful. Better than a million dollars.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThank you, and you look more handsome than ever, and I love your hair, if you go bald I’ll divorce you.\u201d<\/p>\n She snuggled in closer to him and sighed, slipped her arms around his waist and looked up at him with the smile in her eyes \u201cDo up my dress for me ..\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cReally ..\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI can’t reach all the buttons.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou trust me…\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo, not really…\u201d<\/p>\n She twisted round now so that he could see where buttons needed to be fastened and he nodded, as his fingers got to work, \u201cHow long have we been married now, sweetheart?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cFive years ..\u201d she smoothed the skirts over her hips and then turned back to him, \u201cThank you, Joe. Will you fasten my necklace for me?\u201d<\/p>\n She handed him a sleek band of diamonds which he put around her neck, lifting her curls as he did so, dropping a kiss upon her naked skin before he fastened the clasp.<\/p>\n \u201cFive years? Shucks \u2013 that time sure went fast.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cA lot has happened, Joe. Adam was in the Navy when we married, and Hannah had been born..\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAnd now Pa has a whole passal of grandkids…\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou sound more like Hoss every day..\u201d she leaned forward and kissed him on the nose \u201cI love you.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI love you more now than I did six years ago….\u201d he said with a grin.<\/p>\n \u201cWell, certainly more than you did when we first met…sixteen years ago.\u201d<\/p>\n He nodded, leaned forward so that their brows touched, both lost in memories of that first meeting so long ago, his lips twitched into a slight smile \u201cYou were such a young girl, so pretty in your bonnet and green boots.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThey weren’t green.\u201d she looked up and kissed him then stepped back \u201cIf we stay here like this, Joe, we will miss the performance then Hester will be cross and Olivia disappointed. They still can’t believe that you’re actually coming with me.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHoney, I have heard Adam spouting bits of that Romeo play since I was a kid..\u201d he laughed and then struck a pose, hand on heart, eyes gazing up at the ceiling \u201cRomeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou..\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOh Joe, that’s the girl’s part…\u201d<\/p>\n He shrugged \u201cIt’s the only bit I can remember ..\u201d<\/p>\n They were still laughing as they left their room, hand in hand, two star crossed lovers who found one another so long ago, were lost, and then found once again.<\/p>\n \u2026…………<\/p>\n Ben couldn’t really remember the last time he went to the theatre. Not due to his amnesia, simply because it had been so long since he had actually attended the performances. He had preferred staying home with the children and Hoss, playing chess, telling the children stories. But this particular play had always appealed to him, he had seen it performed in San Francisco during the early days of his marriage to Marie, and now, if he thought hard enough about it, he could still smell the perfume she wore that night, and feel the touch of her hand upon his.<\/p>\n He tugged down his waistcoat, and felt quite pleased that it was such a good fit, now he picked up his jacket and pulled it on. Before he could check how it looked there was a knock on the door and Joe’s voice saying \u201cPa, are you ready? Hester and Ann are waiting for their escort?\u201d<\/p>\n He nodded and gave a brief glimpse over his should at the reflection in the mirror, then went to open the door to the couple waiting for him.<\/p>\n A handsome couple, no doubt about it, and the dark blue gown suited Mary Ann, added some colour to the grey eyes. He followed them along the landing to where Joe knocked on another door and called out \u201cCome on, Adam, thought you would be the first to be ready….\u201d<\/p>\n The door opened immediately and Adam nodded to his brother, smiled at Mary Ann, winked at his father. He stepped aside to let his wife pass him and join the others, then closed the door behind him.<\/p>\n This was Ben’s first public appearance since his return from Carson City, and Adam felt a wave of pride touch him as he looked at his father as the man walked, straight backed, to the stairs. Of course there was the elevator and he felt relieved when Joe shepherded their father towards it. They all five crowded inside and took the ride down to the foyer.<\/p>\n Olivia smoothed the lapels of her husband’s jacket with her fingers, lightly. Her eyes flicked up to meet his, smiled, because he was smiling down at her. She could see the reflection of herself in his dark eyes and thought she was the happiest woman in the world although she knew that was not true because Mary Ann was looking very much as though she were as well.<\/p>\n Ben glanced away from looking at Adam and Olivia. At times the fact that Adam was married and so happily so, gave him a pain in the heart, an emotional tug, similar perhaps to the feeling one could get when a baby was safely born and you held it in your hands and noticed it had all its fingers and toes and everything else as well. It was just that the memories that he had faced during his weeks in hospital had made him realise that his son had had a miserable childhood, and now, married to Olivia, he was really, truly happy. It was relief, gratitude, and love all rolled into one.<\/p>\n Olivia turned her smile on him now, and he thought it was hardly fair to have such a beautiful daughter in law. When she smiled little dimples appeared at the corner of her mouth, and her eyes, large and clear, darkened. She wore a dress of ivory pink, with a darker pink trimming around the shoulders and bodice.<\/p>\n The doors opened onto the foyer and there was Hester and Ann. In some ways the cousins did resemble one another, Hester often lamented that they shared the Buchanan nose, but their colouring could not have been more different. Hester had her golden red curls tidied away in the latest fashion, with curls caught up and forming a crown, she was not beautiful in looks, yet regardless of that she drew attention . Hester’s beauty shone from within herself, she was Hoss’ perfect counter part. She did not care that she had not the beauty of her sisters in law, all she cared about was that Hoss loved her, he was her security and soul mate.<\/p>\n But tonight, this particular evening, she looked as lovely as she could ever look, equal to any, and her green gown so perfectly complemented her looks and colouring that it only enhanced the qualities she possessed. Her cousin, the prettier of the two women, was dressed in blue, and showed nothing but genuine admiration at the appearance of the other women. Candy was not a rich man, he could not afford the jewels that adorned the necks and wrists of the others, but it of no concern, what she had was simple and treasured. She was too modest a woman to worry about trifles.<\/p>\n And so they left the hotel and strolled towards the theatre which shone like a jewel itself, with every window and door full of light, and noise and bustle and fuss. People thronging at the entrance, ladies in their best gowns, jewels at their throats and in their hair, men in their best evening suits, looking ‘dapper’ and very elegant.<\/p>\n Daniel deQuille was there, note pad in hand, his photographer close to hand in order to take pictures of the prominent citizens who posed like statues on the theatre steps until the ‘flash’ freed them to move on.<\/p>\n He knew better than to stop the Cartwrights in order for them to have their pictures taken, a nod of the head was sufficient but he scribbled his notes about what was being worn, who was with whom, and nodded away while he had his photographer position himself strategically elsewhere.<\/p>\n They made their way through the throng which flowed in an orderly fashion to the stairs that led to the boxes reserved for those affluent enough to afford them. Sometimes they paused to speak to someone in the crowd, but mostly it was a smooth progress.<\/p>\n \u201cMrs Phillips?\u201d<\/p>\n The name rang out above the noise of voices, corsets creaking, shoes scuffling and the swish of skirts sweeping over the carpeted floor.<\/p>\n \u201cMrs Phillips?\u201d<\/p>\n Someone touched Olivia’s arm, and she turned, unalarmed, with a smile. The man who stood in front of her now smiled in return, and nodded \u201cI’d recognise you anywhere…how are you?\u201d<\/p>\n She frowned, slightly, and perhaps the confused look on her face betrayed her for he apologised,<\/p>\n \u201cI’m sorry, you don’t recognise me, do you? Well, it was some years ago when we last met…I’m Christopher Orr.\u201d he smiled and his eyes twinkled \u201cI went to college with your husband, Robert.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI am sorry, Mr Orr.\u201d Olivia felt the colour mounting from the neck up, and when Adam came to stand by her, with a quizzical glance at the other man, she said \u201cOh Adam this is Mr Orr…\u201d she paused \u201cMr Orr, this is my husband, Adam Cartwright.\u201d<\/p>\n Chapter 3<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n Both men took a moment to take stock of the other. Orr’s companion stepped forward with a smile, unwilling to be left standing alone. She smiled at Adam and Olivia before slipping her arm through that of her escort.<\/p>\n \u201cGood evening Adam, Olivia…\u201d she looked wide eyed at them both, bestowing upon them a wide smile but keeping a custodial hold on Orr’s arm.<\/p>\n Being a local girl she had known the Cartwrights from the time she was first introduced to them by her late departed father, Gerald Agutter. She had been five years old then, and thought they were like trees they stood so tall above her. Adam and Olivia turned to her and gave her the benefit of a genuinely warm smile, Olivia even added how pleasant it was to see her again.<\/p>\n Music from the orchestra was warming up for the introduction to the story, and all four looked awkwardly at one another, Olivia leaned towards Orr<\/p>\n \u201cI am sorry, Mr Orr. Perhaps we can talk again another time.\u201d a dimpled smile and then she turned towards her husband who gave Orr a nod of the head took her arm in his and led her into their box where the family waited for them to take their seats.<\/p>\n \u201cDo you remember him, Livvy?\u201d Adam asked as he pulled out a chair for her, and as she sat down she shook her head,<\/p>\n \u201cNo, not at all.\u201d<\/p>\n Adam nodded and took the seat next to her, Joe leaned forward<\/p>\n \u201cWhat kept you so long….?\u201d his hazel eyes switched from his brother to his sister in law, \u201cEverything alright?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYes, of course.\u201d came the rather snapped off response from Adam who then settled down with a sigh \u201cA friend of Olivia’s \u2013 of Robert’s \u2013 stopped to talk.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cRobert?\u201d Joe frowned, looked momentarily puzzled, then shrugged and turned his attention back to his wife.<\/p>\n Ben leaned forward now, \u201cI remember watching a performance of this play years ago with your mother.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe and Adam said nothing, unsure of which mother he was referring to but Ben didn’t care, he leaned back and lingered over his sweet memories… or were they just what he hoped to be memories.<\/p>\n Christopher Orr and his lady for the evening settled themselves into the box which he had reserved for them. It was within view of the box in which the Cartwrights sat and for a moment he sat and observed them. A stern faced white haired older man, smartly dressed and distinguished looking, seated between the two couples. He rightly guessed that this was the fabled Ben Cartwright, whom some credited with owning 1000 square miles of land. The Ponderosa. When he had first heard the name he had asked what it had meant, and was told that it was the name given to the pine trees that had grown so lavishly upon the mountain sides.<\/p>\n He now turned his attention to the women ..contrasts in beauty to be sure. He could only admire both Cartwright men for their choices, and leaned towards Miss Agutter to ask the names of the couple in the box with Adam and Olivia. Lucille glanced at the other box and whispered the names just as there was a little flurry of action and two women entered and took their seats so she added further information that the red headed woman was married to Hoss Cartwright, and her cousin Ann was married to an ex-sheriff of Virginia City.<\/p>\n \u201cA ridiculous name.\u201d he murmured just loudly enough for her to hear \u201cWho in their right minds would want to be saddled with a name like Hoss throughout their lives…\u201d<\/p>\n Lucille said nothing, it had not mattered to her or anyone else what Hoss called himself. He was just Hoss Cartwright to them, a big lovable man with a heart as big as the Ponderosa. For some reason she knew better than to mention that to her escort.<\/p>\n She flipped open her fan and swept it back and forth, then leaned towards him again \u201cHester and her cousin, Ann, are related to the Buchanans in New York City. You know, the Banking people.\u201d<\/p>\n He nodded and smiled slightly, but he wasn’t particularly interested in the Buchanans, nor banks, he was far more interested in watching Olivia and Adam Cartwright as they sat, side by side, hand in hand.<\/p>\n The play began as it always would and did with the chorus introducing the main thrust of the romance awaiting their audience<\/p>\n \u201cTwo household, both alike in dignity How many times had those words -star cross’d lovers \u2013 been mentioned since they were first written? Orr noticed how Adam had leaned forward and whispered something in his wife’s ear, and how she had raised her head, exposing her slender neck, in order to laugh and then whisper something back to him.<\/p>\n A light applause rippled through the audience, eager to get to grips with the tragic story so laid bare by the chorus. Orr noticed how the younger Cartwright leaned back in his chair and unbuttoned his jacket, smiled at his wife, the cousins were all attention with eyes riveted to the stage as the play began, but he, only had eyes on one person…<\/p>\n Just before the interval Christopher Orr sent a message to the other box inviting them to join him for some refreshment. The message that was returned suggested that, perhaps, he and his companion should join them instead. It was not what Orr had wanted, but he mentioned it to Lucille who, ambitious in her own right, was more than pleased to be noticed by others of the citizenry sharing the interval with the Cartwrights so within minutes he found himself stepping into the Cartwright arena, having his hand pumped as introductions were made and chairs pulled out for them to be seated, and someone appeared with a small table with glasses of champagne which bubbled and frothed and was just the right temperature.<\/p>\n \u201cA friend of Roberts?\u201d Ben asked without a clue as to who Robert was, sadly Olivia’s husband existed beyond the periphery of his memory as it was at the present time.<\/p>\n \u201cI went to college with him.\u201d he glanced at Olivia who had half turned in order to listen in to the conversation. She was obviously not offended by any mention of her previous husband, and he smiled at her, pleased to receive an answering smile in return. \u201cWe shared rooms for a year.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhat did you study?\u201d Adam asked now, standing up with glass in hand , handsome in his suit and the ivory silk waistcoat he wore.<\/p>\n \u201cI studied Law and economics. I always thought Robert had a great future ahead of him, he was quite a brilliant student -\u201d<\/p>\n Adam nodded and smiled briefly at his wife who was looking at Orr but obviously lost in nostalgia, his words creating memories of that long ago time when another man would hold her hand, lean in and tell her he loved her, a man who was indeed intelligent and could have done great things…had he lived.<\/p>\n Orr sipped his wine and now also rose to his feet, as though he found having Adam Cartwright standing, towering over him, was somehow intimidating. Olivia looked down at the glass in her hand and then raised her face to look into Christopher’s eyes, \u201cHe was hoping to become a Senator. He had been mentored by some in the party who thought he had a good future in politics.\u201d<\/p>\n Orr nodded solemnly, \u201cI’m not at all surprised to hear that, Mrs \u2013 Cartwright.\u201d he sighed and composed his face into more sombre lines \u201cI am very sorry to know that he died, I wish I had known \u2013 my apologies for my blunder earlier.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo need to apologise, Mr Orr.\u201d she said with a sigh in her voice and she turned to her husband who was standing very still, and very silent, by her side. \u201cIt was some years ago, time passes…\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAnd I lost track of a good friend, a great regret on my part.\u201d Orr gave a slight bow to her and was about to say more when the music began again to introduce the second tragic part of the play. \u201cExcuse us..\u201d<\/p>\n He took Lucille by the arm and gently coaxed her through the door and back to their own box.<\/p>\n Adam glanced at his wife and gave her the benefit of a small smile \u201cAre you alright?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYes.\u201d she nodded and glanced over at the other box where Orr and Lucille were taking their seats, the glasses of wine still in their hands, \u201cI just wish I could remember him…\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cPerhaps you never met him \u2013 personally that is..\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHe seemed to think that we had met though, didn’t he?\u201d she looked at Adam with a confused look on her face. \u201cI just can’t recall when….\u201d<\/p>\n Adam raised his eyebrows and grimaced \u201cNever mind, I’m sure that he will come calling and refresh your memory.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cDo you think so?\u201d she sounded unsure, a crinkle in her brow and her eyes clouded.<\/p>\n \u201cOh yes, I’m quite sure.\u201d her husband replied and then settled down to watch the rest of the play, the enjoyment of which was now somewhat mired<\/p>\n Ben tapped Adam on the shoulder \u201cWho was that?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cA friend of Roberts.\u201d Adam whispered with his eyes on the stage as the performance got under way.<\/p>\n \u201cOh.\u201d Ben sat back and tried to recall anyone he knew or could remember from the past called Robert.<\/p>\n The young actor playing the part of Romeo had a light voice but it carried well, the sadness as he gazed upon Juliet was seemingly heartfelt, his hand upon his breast as he said<\/p>\n \u201cAh, dear Juliet, It didn’t surprise Adam that his wife reached out a hand to clasp his, and when he looked he saw a tear trickle from her eyes and he wondered for whom she was weeping..poor Romeo now collapsed upon the stage, or for Robert whose lips had once kissed hers.<\/p>\n The play continued on….but it seemed to pass in a haze as far as Olivia was concerned, and Adam wished he could leave, wished he had not brought her to such a dismal setting, wished that a certain person had not intruded into their lives in order to stir up ghosts from the past.<\/p>\n Chapter 4<\/p>\n It was customary for the Cartwrights to stay overnight at the Hotel International on such occasions as theatre visits so upon leaving the theatres they took their way to the restaurant to dine there.<\/p>\n If Olivia seemed a little distracted no one paid too much heed (except her husband) for she had admitted not having seen Romeo and Juliet before and so they presumed the emotion of the play had made her melancholy.<\/p>\n There was little point in trying to draw her out, although she was pleasant and smiled when others laughed, and otherwise acted not too distractedly as to appear anxious to leave, or to be somewhere else altogether. By the end of the meal even Adam was glad it was over, and offered his arm for his wife to be escorted to their suite in the hotel.<\/p>\n All it needed was for Christopher Orr to be staying at the International and to appear with that nonchalant air of composure and self confidence to end the day on an even worse note.<\/p>\n Silas Armstrong, unaware or uncaring of dark clouds hovering over Adam’s head, saw the Cartwrights leaving the restaurant and heading for the elevator that would take them to their suites. When a shouted hallooo had failed to rouse Adam’s interest he navigated through the grouped ensemble in the foyer, nearly tripping over his own feet in the process.<\/p>\n \u201cAdam \u2013 Adam Cartwright.\u201d<\/p>\n All the Cartwrights came to a full stop, turned and upon seeing Silas hurrying towards them, now stooping to pick up his hat, now hurrying once again, all but one turned to continue on their way.<\/p>\n Silas eventually reached Adam’s side and said, between puffs \u201cYou’re a hard man to get hold of…\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cIs that right?\u201d Adam replied between clenched teeth, \u201cPerhaps that’s because I didn’t want to be found \u2013 by you or your father \u2013 \u201c<\/p>\n Silas grimaced, shrugged \u201cI \u2013 you \u2013 didn’t give us much time to explain about the plans you drew up -\u201d<\/p>\n \u201c- and which ended up in Carson City -\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAnd which ended up in Carson City \u2013 yes\u201d Silas bit down on his upper lip and bowed his head \u201cYou and me \u2013 we go back a long way, Adam.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cFor Pete’s sake \u2013 what angle are you playing at now, Silas. Let’s get this straight, yes we go a long way back, and no, we were never friends. This latest trick you played makes me rather relieved I never became a friend of yours and -\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHear me out, Adam, please -\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThere’s nothing from you that I want to listen to, Silas. No excuses, no explanations can clear up the mess you and your father helped create.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI was going to explain, I tried to \u2013 remember?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI kind of forgot! Was that when you and your father were trying to get me hired as one of your associates? Or when you were going to claim commission on my design \u2013 if it had ever been approved of course – or -\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI can tell you are angry, I know, but -\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo buts, and no more talk, Silas…now, if you don’t mind, this conversation is over…and if you or your father ever pull a stunt like that again I swear I’ll ram your shingle down your collective throats.\u201d<\/p>\n Silas opened his mouth, but before he could say more Adam had turned to join his family, pulling his hat lower to shade his eyes. Olivia slipped her arm through that of her husbands and sighed<\/p>\n \u201cFeeling better now?\u201d she murmured raising her eyes to look at him and then sighing at seeing the grim expression still hovering there.<\/p>\n \u201cNo.\u201d Adam replied shortly. He glanced over his shoulder to see Silas walking slowly back to his wife who was standing wide eyed and open mouthed among the crowd of late arrivals to the hotel. He shook his head and muttered what he thought of Armstrong and Co beneath his breath, but he knew, in all fairness, it was not just Silas that had put him in this mood, he had just collected the fall out from the meeting with the late departed Robert Phillips best college buddy!<\/p>\n As soon as the door to their hotel suite was closed behind them Adam reached for his wife’s hand and drew her close to him. If she had expected some amorous advances she was wrong, for his face was stern. There was no smile on his lips, no twinkling of the eyes for they now looked at her with anxiety, concern. Once he had her attention he put his head to one side a little as though to observe her from a different angle, then gave a slight nod<\/p>\n \u201cWhat happened?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhat do you mean?\u201d she raised her head, her face towards his, her lips only inches from his mouth.<\/p>\n \u201cI mean ..what happened this evening? You’re unhappy, and I want to know why?\u201d<\/p>\n She sighed and pulled her hand away from his fingers and turned away from him, some how his eyes so concerned for her, seemed also to be accusing her of \u2013 what? She cleared her throat, and then shook her head<\/p>\n \u201cI don’t know.\u201d she shrugged off her cloak and placed it carefully over the back of a chair, \u201cThe play, it was sad ..it ..\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cIt wasn’t the play ..or rather…not entirely the play.\u201d<\/p>\n She didn’t answer for a moment but tried to assemble her thoughts, then shook her head \u201cAdam, I don’t want to discuss this with you just now. Can we leave it until tomorrow?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI’d rather we talked about it now. I don’t want you to be worrying through the night about something if I can help you worry less…\u201d<\/p>\n He came behind her, his hands gentle upon her shoulders and just momentarily she relaxed, leaned against him, and bowed her head so that he kissed the nape of her neck, where a little curl had escaped her hair arrangement. Then she shook her head and turned to him, took his hand and held it between both of hers,<\/p>\n \u201cI found the play \u2013 the last part profoundly sad.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYes?\u201d he stared into her eyes, narrowing his own just slightly, enough for her to know that as she had started, so she had to continue.<\/p>\n \u201cThat man \u2013 Mr Orr \u2013 calling me Mrs Phillips – \u201c she put her hand to her throat, \u201cI’ve not been called that for so long. It caught me by surprise.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cGo on …\u201d he sighed and his eyes roved over her face, noted the pallor there, the moist eyes, tangled eyelashes<\/p>\n \u201cAnd then after we had talked, and he mentioned Robert it brought back memories, and made me realise that I had not thought about Robert for a long time. It was as though I had put him into a black hole somewhere in my memory and put a lid over it…and that was wrong, terribly wrong…\u201d<\/p>\n Her husband’s silence did nothing to reassure her, but she released his hand and now clasped both hers together, and walked over to the window. She stood there for a while looking down at the dark street lit up here and there by the lights from the saloons, the theatre lights were still twinkling…she bowed her head and closed her eyes.<\/p>\n \u201cRobert had been part of my life for so long, he is the father of my two children, and I – I have not spoken about him or thought about him -\u201d she cleared her throat \u201cI’m sorry, Adam, it isn’t fair that I should be talking about him like this to you, after all, you never knew him and – \u201c<\/p>\n \u201cThat doesn’t mean you cannot talk about him to me, Olivia. As you just said, he shared a lot with you, his name, his love, his life \u2026 \u201c<\/p>\n \u201cYes, all of those things.\u201d<\/p>\n Again she looked down at the street below them, watched the last of the theatre goers \u2013 or perhaps the theatre company – make their way to their homes, or their boarding houses.<\/p>\n \u201cI didn’t recognise that man, that Mr Orr. He was Roberts friend, and I didn’t recognise him.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cShould you have done? I mean \u2013 was he a close friend? Did Robert speak about him to you or \u2013 or did you -\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThat’s just it, I can’t remember.\u201d she shook her head once again, \u201cI should have done, shouldn’t I?<\/p>\n I should have remembered him, as he was Roberts’ friend.\u201d<\/p>\n Adam said nothing for a moment, but watched as she turned away from the window, as she brushed a tear from her cheek, he didn’t approach her, but stood where he was, waiting for her to speak again.<\/p>\n \u201cThen the words of that play …the sadness and the heavy sense of their loss, and their love…it made me feel so guilty. Then I felt annoyed at myself for being made to feel like that, I felt annoyed at that man too for making me do so, and \u2013 and I remembered how ill I had been, how I was so ill because of my grief at my loss. Oh Adam, it was such a miserable time…and ..\u201d<\/p>\n Now he came to her and folded her into his arms, and stroked her back and held her close. She just clung to him, her head on his shoulder, relaxing into the warmth of his body, feeling reassured by his love. \u201cI don’t want to feel like that again, Adam…not all that grief and misery, not again.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThere’s no reason why you should, sweetheart. None at all…\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThat man made me feel \u2013 that I had not suffered enough, that I had no right to be happy.\u201d<\/p>\n Adam held her tighter, knowing that any words he said now would sound trite, cliched. So he said nothing, but stroked her hair, and kissed the top of her head. Then after she had relaxed enough and he could release her once more he said quietly \u201cHe may have been a close friend of Roberts, but he didn’t know he was dead, did he?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhat do you mean?\u201d she stepped back, a quizzical look on her face in which there was now some colour again.<\/p>\n \u201cWell, if he were such a close friend of Roberts, how come he didn’t know he had died \u2013 what? Nearly 8 years ago?\u201d<\/p>\n He walked to a low table upon which were glasses and wine, one bottle of which he uncorked. He poured a little into each glass and held out one to her while giving her a small smile, \u201cYet he knew you, although you say you had never met before…\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI can’t recall meeting him before, Adam. As I said, I’ve not thought back to that time for so long…\u201d<\/p>\n He nodded, took her hand and led her to the settee upon which they both sat, leaning against one another in the way that had become customary between them. \u201cAnd why is he here….\u201d<\/p>\n There was no answer to that of course, but she drank her wine, and relaxed against the broad shoulder of her husband upon whom she knew, she had placed yet another burden<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n Chapter 5<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n Amy Grant had been overwhelmed with pride when \u201cRidley’s Ladies Emporium\u201d had been replaced with legend \u201d Amy’s Ladies Emporium\u201d. The words glowed golden in the daylight upon the large plate glass window behind which some samples were displayed samples that she hoped would entice the ladies inside to see and purchase the items for themselves. She had stood watching with awe as the sign writers had removed Amanda’s name and then carefully drawn in her own.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n It had been a surprise from her husband, Grant. A small gift, he said, to show how much he loved her. For several days she would find an excuse to go outside and stand on the pavement to admire the golden scrolled lettering. The seamstresses and counter staff smiled a little, and perhaps were a trifle envious that she had such a devoted husband. But Amy was a sweet young woman, and no one begrudged the gift one iota.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n Mary Evans came once a week to go through the ledgers and order books with her, although she was not really needed. Both of them knew that, but they also both enjoyed each other’s company and sometimes the ledgers were put to one side just for a little chat, about this and that, and whoever.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n Mary’s pregnancy was progressing well and she was happy. Perhaps she did have a twinge of nostalgia when she saw Amanda’s name being wiped out, but then Amanda had metaphorically speaking wiped herself out of Virginia City’s history when she left to pursue Rights for Women with Lucy Garston, who was now no longer Lucy Garston but Lucy something else instead. Mrs Garston, having been informed of her daughter’s marriage after the event, had been too proud to inform anyone of Lucy’s married name.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n Christopher Orr was a regular customer to the Emporium and there were no blushes or awkwardness when he selected a gift for whichever lady he was with at the time. He would flirt with the staff, assure Amy that her husband was a ‘lucky man’ to have found her for a wife, and then make his purchase. Usually something small but expensive, something a husband would not puzzle over should his wife be wearing it, or an unattached lady assume more was intended than there actually had been promised.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n All in all the ladies of the Ladies Emporium rather enjoyed his company for those brief few moments when he visited. He would leave them smiling and enjoying the fragrance of his cologne for just a few moments after he had gone.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n Amy Grant did not like him. He gave her goosebumps.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n \u2026……………….<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n School days were far more settled now for Sofia Cartwright. Her sudden love for books had given her a thirst for learning and although she was hopeless with Maths, she tried hard to learn. Her friendship with Lilith had provided her with an anchor that kept her steady for the weekdays were long, and the travelling at times took its toll on the little girls.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n Hannah was a ray of sunshine and without even realising it \u2013 which was no doubt a good thing \u2013 she was teacher’s pet. No one worried about that at all, for she was loved. She had her father’s disposition, amiable, cheery, shy and always wanting to do the right thing for everyone. She was pretty like her cousin Rosie, with her black hair and blue eyes and attentive little face. She really never caused a moment’s anxiety. The long day sometimes seemed too long, and more than once Ezra or Hank had had to carry her into the house when she had fallen asleep on the journey home.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n It was good that Hannah was so popular, and had friends her age to care and fuss over her. This meant that Sofia was free from the responsibility of care for her cousin, as was Rosie, and both girls were able to develop more friendships as a result. To Sofia, the best friend she had was Lilith Martin.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n Lilith bit into her apple and watched as Sofia signed a few words with her fingers. She nodded and smiled, then sat for a while holding her half eaten apple between her hands hidden in her lap.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n \u201cYou are a quick learner, Sofia. It took me quite a while to learn as much as you have done over these past few weeks.\u201d<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n \u201cI’m trying to learn as fast as I can. I want to be able to teach Nathaniel …just in case…\u201d<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n \u201cIn case of what?\u201d<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n \u201cJust in case.\u201d<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n Sofia sighed and looked at her fingers, then at Lilith’s, still holding onto her apple. She looked in the direction of where Lilith was gazing and frowned, a group of boys, one of whom was Reuben. Surely her friend was not getting silly notions about her brother?<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n \u201cLilith, was Peter always unable to hear?\u201d<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n \u201cPeter?\u201d Lilith turned her attention back to her friend \u201cNo, he was alright at first, but then I got ill, and he was ill with the same thing but I was alright …no one thought Peter was unable to hear because he seemed just fine. He knew when someone came into the room, he \u2013 he just seemed as usual. A bit more bad tempered.\u201d<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n \u201cOh why?\u201d<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n \u201cI guess he was \u2013 just plain frightened. He couldn’t hear and he couldn’t tell us because he was still a little baby, he must have felt trapped inside of himself -\u201d she tapped her head \u201cinside of here.\u201d<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n Sofia nodded and turned her head away from looking at Lilith because the older girl always looked so very sad when talking about Peter. It made her think though, of what it was like to have hearing taken away so suddenly. She put out a hand and laid in gently upon Lilith’s arm, but said nothing.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n For a moment neither one spoke, then Lilith smiled slowly and nodded her thanks for the gesture.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n \u201cYou never knew your father, did you?\u201d she suddenly said just when Sofia was about to bite into some cake.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n \u201cNo. I didn’t ..Reuben did…but he doesn’t remember very much now\u201d she paused \u201cMy daddy died before I was born….\u201d she thought she needed to explain that, just in case Lilith thought of another question that she couldn’t answer.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n But Lilith just nodded and bit into her apple. She didn’t say another word for the rest of their lunchtime together. Sofia ate her cake and drank the cordial that Cheng Ho Lee had made her, and tidily put everything away. The bell tolled and it was time to return to class.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n \u201cAre you going to be a nurse when you grow up?\u201d Sofia asked as she gathered up her things and made sure there were no crumbs on her clothing or around her face that would embarrass her later.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n \u201cNo, I’m going to be a Doctor.\u201d Lilith said stoutly and tossed her apple core into a corner of the yard for the birds and bugs to enjoy \u201cPa said I would have to work hard but after I leave here I want to go to college \u2026 \u201c<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n Sofia nodded and looked at her friends determined face, the way she jutted out her jaw. She somehow felt quite sure that Lilith would accomplish what she had aimed for, Lilith would make sure of that.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n \u2026………………<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n The room was smelling of wood smoke, of apple pie and coffee. There was a hint of Olivia’s perfume as well which always made the house a home of welcome.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n Nathaniel was sprawled out upon the rug in front of the fire playing with his wagon and horses, bouncing them along the the edge of the rug just as a real wagon would be pulled along a road by its horses. He made little noises to imitate the sound of the horses hooves as they bounced along . In his own little world Nathaniel Cartwright was safe and happy.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n In her chair Olivia continued to write her letter. Every so often she would glance up and watch her little boy, and sigh at the thought that he was growing up, and so quickly.. She dipped her pen in to the ink and wrote a little more before putting the pen down and sitting back to think. She removed her glasses and pinched the bridge of her nose, a habit she had found herself doing more and more often, and which annoyed her. Then she leaned back and closed her eyes in order to gather in her scattered thoughts and try to put them into some kind of order.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n The past few days had been strange. She had to be perfectly honest in that she had only herself to blame for the constraint that currently existed between herself and Adam. She had never imagined that it could happen, after all, she loved him so much and she was certain that he loved her in return. But since meeting Christopher Orr at the theatre she had been \u2013 detached from her real self. She had spent more time looking inside herself and back at the past, instead of enjoying her life as she had been doing for the past years.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n It didn’t matter where she looked, past or present or future she was confronted by her failures, her guilt, and then feeling selfish for being guilty. She had never felt such a sense of guilt before that night at the theatre<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n Now she found herself looking at Reuben and Sofia to see if she could detect any resemblance to Robert Phillips, a characteristic perhaps that defined them as Roberts children and not Adams. It was unfair to do that now, but she found that she just could not stop herself, and the worse thing was, that she knew Adam was well aware of what she was doing! <\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n As she sat there with her hands folded in her lap and watching her little boy playing so contentedly Olivia remembered when Sofia had gone into a strange period of comparing Robert with Adam. It had been silly really, a childish whim. Sofia had never known her father but even so she had created a father figure and as a result caused Adam a degree of confusion and pain.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n Now Olivia wondered if she had not been doing just the same.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n \u201cMommy?\u201d<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n Nathaniel had rolled over onto his side, and was holding up the wagon in one hand and a wheel in the other. \u201cwheel -\u201d<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n At least he was not swallowing them now, she thought as she replaced her glasses and leaned forward and took the little wheel and fixed it carefully back onto the wagon.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n \u201cDon’t be so rough with it, Nathaniel.\u201d she cautioned him as she handed it back to her little boy and he had dimpled his smile back, so like his father. Impulsively she reached out to stroke back a curl from his brow, and then tapped him gently on his nose.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n Nathaniel was happy. The wagon was complete again, all was mended.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n Olivia finished her letter and sealed it into the envelope. A log settled as the flames consumed it and she got up and placed another log carefully among those already burning. Then she picked up her pen to write another, paused in the act of doing so and recalled how she had very carefully cornered Hester the other day and asked her if she ever thought of her first husband Mark. Hester had smiled slowly and looked, awkwardly, away.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n \u201cI’m sorry, that was tactless of me.\u201d Olivia had said quickly but Hester had just shaken her head and said quite simply that she did, at times.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n \u201cI can go days without thinking of Mark at all, after all he died a long time ago, during the war…he went away one day and never came back.\u201d she had paused then and leaned forward to pour more coffee into their cups, \u201cI had not been married for more than two years and there were no children. \u201c<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n \u201cBut you grieved for him…\u201d<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n \u201cOh yes, among all the other hundreds of widows who were grieving over their losses. But then things got difficult with having to stay with Ingrid and Milton..poor Milton, he was caught between the two of us, and he only recently married.\u201d<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n \u201cYou don’t grieve for him now?\u201d<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n \u201cI feel sad, sometimes I feel \u2013 that I have no right to be so happy. I get frightened that one day Mark will just walk through that door …after all I never had a body to bury, to mourn over.\u201d<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n Olivia had nodded and looked at her friend closely, but Hester laughed then and shook her head <\/span><\/span>\u201cThis isn’t a very happy conversation, Olivia…what brought this about?\u201d<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n \u201cI was just wondering how other women handled the loss of a dear husband…\u201d<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n \u201cI see.\u201d Hester had looked at her intently then, that sapphire blue gaze of hers that could pin one down like a butterfly can be pinned to a board.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n \u201cWhat do you see?\u201d Olivia had smiled and tried to look no different to how she always looked but feeling self conscious.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n \u201cYou’re worried about \u2013 your first husband ? Pa mentioned that you were very quiet after the performance. He thought it had upset you..\u201d<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n \u201cIt did rather…and yes, it did make me think of Robert.\u201d<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n
\n<\/a>The Iron Horsemen<\/a>
\n<\/a>There will Always be Rainbows<\/a>
\n<\/a>The Pledge<\/a>
\n<\/a>No Greater Love<\/a>
\n<\/a>Kismet<\/a>
\n<\/a>The Gap\u2026<\/a>
\n<\/a>A New Direction \u2013 Changes<\/a>
\n<\/a>Equinox<\/a>
\n<\/a>The Cattle Station<\/a>
\n<\/a>Love Thyself Least<\/a>
\n<\/a>No-body’s Hero<\/a><\/p>\n
\nIn fair Verona, where we lay our scene.
\nFrom ancient grudge break to new mutiny
\nWhere civil blood make civil hands unclean,
\nFrom forth the fatal loins of these two two foes
\na pair of star-cross’d lovers take their life:
\nThe fearful passage of their death mark’d love
\nAnd the continuance of their parents’ rage,
\nWhich, but their children’s end, nought could remove;
\nIs now the two hours traffick of our stage;
\nThe which if you with patient ears attend,
\nWhat here shall miss, our toil shall strive to mend.”<\/span><\/span><\/em><\/p>\n
\nWhy art thou yet so fair? Shall I believe
\nthat unsubstantial death is amorous?
\nAnd that the lean abhorred monster keeps
\nThee here in dark to be his paramour?
\nFor fear of that I still will stay with thee,
\nAnd never from this palace of dim night
\nDepart again, here, I will remain
\nWith worms that are thy chambermaids; O here
\nwill I set up my everlasting rest,
\nAnd shake the yoke of inauspicious stars
\nFrom this world wearied flesh. Eyes, look your last!
\nArms, take your last embrace! Lips O you
\nThe doors of breath, seal with a righteous kiss
\nA dateless bargain to engrossing death
\nCome, bitter conduct, come, unsavoury guide!
\nThou desperate pilot, now at once run on
\nThe dashing rocks thy sea sick weary bark,
\nHere’s to my love \u2013 O true apothecary!
\nThy drugs are quick. Thus with a kiss I die.\u201d<\/span><\/span><\/em><\/p>\n