{"id":37312,"date":"2021-10-25T13:31:13","date_gmt":"2021-10-25T17:31:13","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=37312"},"modified":"2025-09-25T15:38:29","modified_gmt":"2025-09-25T19:38:29","slug":"a-decision-in-ohio-by-missjudy","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=37312","title":{"rendered":"A Decision in Ohio (By Missjudy)"},"content":{"rendered":"

Summary:<\/strong> An unexpected visit from an old Boston shipmate, and the question he asks, prompts\u00a0 Ben to think back to a time when he’d visited his brother with Adam, the winter before leaving for Missouri to join a wagon train west. Their stay had provided some great family times, while also pointing towards many obstacles Ben had never considered. It had finally prompted the biggest decision of his life.<\/p>\n

Rating:<\/strong> G<\/p>\n

Word Count:<\/strong> 15626<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

One Note: <\/strong>Bonanza canon never mentioned what had happened to Ben\u2019s folks. Yet at the time he first headed out for the West, he would have been in his 20s, and therefore it\u2019s reasonable to think they might be still alive. I have set a bit of my own thought into this story, letting his mother be alive and well, and Adam having a little time with her. In actual canon, it\u2019s been so long he\u2019d have no memories of her.<\/p>\n

A Decision in Ohio<\/strong><\/p>\n

Ben heard the heavy grinding wheels of a wagon rolling into the yard, and was already heading towards the door when Hoss came bounding through.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhoa there, Son!\u201d he said as he grabbed Hoss\u2019 shoulders to avoid the near collision. \u201cWhat\u2019s got you so fired up?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou gotta come outside, Pa. We brought you a surprise from town.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cA surprise?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYeah, c\u2019mon out and see.\u201d Hoss grabbed a loose fold of fabric in his father\u2019s sleeve and tugged him towards the open door.<\/p>\n

Squinting as he stepped into the bright afternoon sunlight, Ben\u2019s head drew forward for a better look. When a man wearing a naval-style coat and cap exiting the buckboard finally turned, he smiled and walked briskly to greet his \u201csurprise.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou old sea dog!\u201d he hollered.<\/p>\n

The new arrival to the Ponderosa straightened his posture while snapping his arm in a salute. \u201cSeaman Richard Wagner reportin\u2019 for duty, Sir!\u201d<\/p>\n

The hand-pumping between the two old friends continued for some time while Ben asked, \u201cWhat brings you to the West, Richard?\u201d<\/p>\n

The old sailor laughed. \u201cI\u2019m on my way to San Francisco, and when Abel heard I\u2019d have to take a stage for the last part of my trip, he made me promise to at least try detouring through Virginia City\u2026 and of course, send back a detailed log. \u00a0I would\u2019ve wired you, but I wasn\u2019t sure I could make the necessary connections.\u201d He pointed at Hoss and Joe. \u201cWhen my stage arrived, I asked about the Cartwrights, and the attendant there said he\u2019d seen Hoss and Little Joe in town and went to find them. I\u2019d intended to take a room before making my presence known, but once your boys found out I\u2019d known you in Boston, they insisted I stay here. Hope that\u2019s ship-shape with their pa.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWelcome aboard, Richard. I can\u2019t believe you\u2019re here! How long\u2019s it been since we\u2019ve seen each other?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHow old\u2019s your first boy? I remember comin\u2019 to pay my respects after your missus passed, and it was a few months later you took off.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben nodded, his lips pulling together in a thoughtful pucker. \u201cIt\u2019d be around 30 years.\u201d He looked to his sons. \u201cI suppose Richard regaled you with stories of our years aboard Abel\u2019s ship on the ride out here.\u201d As the words left his mouth, Ben\u2019s cheeks rose in a controlled grimace.<\/p>\n

\u201cHe told us you two had served under Captain Stoddard but mostly he wanted us to tell him about the ranch.\u201d Joe nudged Hoss.<\/p>\n

\u201cYeah, Pa,\u201d Hoss added. \u201cBut we\u2019re fer sure hoping to hear them stories.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI still can\u2019t believe you\u2019re here, Richard,\u201d Ben said with a hearty laugh.<\/p>\n

The seaman snapped to attention again and winked at his host. You\u2019re saying that wrong, Ben. Remember how Captain Stoddard would holler, \u2018Ri-Chard,\u2019 with a hard accent on the \u2018chard\u2019 part, and Ben-Ja-Men, like three separate words when he was unhappy with our performance?\u201d A small grin settled on his lips. \u201cHe was a hard officer, but a good and fair man. I never envied you asking for his daughter\u2019s hand. But Elizabeth Stoddard was a prize worth risking your hide to obtain.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m a better man for having Abel as my officer and father-in-law.\u201d Ben chuckled. \u201cBut you\u2019re right, I was shaking when I let him know I loved his daughter. He wasn\u2019t surprised; that made it easier.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben wrapped an arm around his old friend\u2019s shoulders and began walking towards the house. \u201cHow about a glass of brandy to settle the dust.\u201d<\/p>\n

Hoss and Joe passed them on their way to stow their guest\u2019s seabag and chest, and stood expectantly in the living area when they returned from upstairs.<\/p>\n

\u201cSo, when are we gonna hear about them old days?\u201d Hoss asked with a sly smile.<\/p>\n

\u201cIf you recall,\u201d Ben said evenly. \u201cYou went to town for supplies the crew needs at camp. It won\u2019t take long to make your delivery and Adam should be home by the time you get back.\u201d<\/p>\n

Two<\/strong><\/p>\n

With his sons out the door, Ben poured two glasses of brandy, offering one to Richard while indicating he should sit on the settee. \u201cI\u2019m so pleased to see you,\u201d Ben offered sincerely. \u201cAnd \u2026 I want to thank you for delaying your stories. I\u2019ve told the boys about serving with Abel, but never about the end of his career.\u201d<\/p>\n

Richard nodded thoughtfully. \u201cI met your oldest when he went to school in Boston. Good lad all around. He reminded me of you: serious, focused and concerned for his grandfather. Abel warned me back then that he\u2019d seen no indication that you\u2019d said anything to Adam about those dark days when he lost the Wanderer. Before I left, he asked that I continue to be discrete until I spoke with you. It wasn\u2019t that he hoped you hadn\u2019t told him, only that he didn\u2019t want me blurting something if you\u2019d chosen not to.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIt was Abel\u2019s story to tell if he chose. The fact that it was never mentioned by others while Adam was there, speaks to Abel\u2019s respect in the sailing community. Being removed from command simply to get new blood at the helm was the worst thing that could have happened to a ship\u2019s captain, and his subsequent actions arose from betrayal, grief and anger. What I choose to remember is how he rose above his despair to become as good a landsman as he\u2019d been a sailor.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThat he did!\u201d Richard agreed.<\/p>\n

\u201cLet me add that you took over the Wanderer with dignity, and continued his legacy by upholding the standards he\u2019d taught you. You had saltwater in your veins just as he did.\u201d Ben\u2019s look became thoughtful. \u201cDoes your presence here indicate you\u2019ve retired?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cPartly. After nearly 70 years of service, the Wanderer was decommissioned. She was given a complete refit back when I took her. But fixing her again would have thrown good money after bad.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI was aware of the decommissioning. Abel wrote about the ceremony, mentioning he\u2019d been honored for setting that original route and his years of service. I suspect you had something to do with that?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI always abhorred how those owners snubbed Captain Stoddard. It was unnecessarily abrupt and cruel. Their thoughtless ways extended to how they conducted business, and they ran it into the depths within the decade. Their one good decision came in selling out to decent men who wanted to hear the history of my vessel, including its original custodian. They were the ones who found Abel and paid their respects.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAbel never mentioned what ship you were given after that.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI was unable to assume a new command. Around that time, I developed a condition in my ears where anything but calm seas left me sick, dizzy and unable to stand upright. There\u2019s no treatment for it other than keeping my feet on the ground.\u201d A quick chuckle. \u201cThose Overland stages swing on their straps making the cabin float like a boat following a wave. Sometimes that caused a similar sensation, but the stage stopped often enough to let me walk it off.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m sorry to hear that,\u201d Ben offered. \u201cSo \u2026 what\u2019s in San Francisco?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThe owners recognized that they\u2019d lose years of experience if they let me go, and offered me a job on land when my problem manifested. I\u2019ve been in charge of fitting and refitting their Boston fleet for a few years, and they\u2019re expanding their routes to the West Coast now. They asked me to set up and run the San Francisco office.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s marvelous news!\u201d Ben offered, raising his glass in a toast. \u201cI travel to San Francisco a few times each year, so we\u2019ll get together. One of the hardest parts about leaving Boston was the loss of good friends. You make new ones but they will never understand how it was when you were just starting out.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cFrom what I saw on the ride here, and what your sons told me about the Ponderosa, you\u2019ve created an empire, Ben.\u201d Richard\u2019s cheeks pinked to a rosy glow as the brandy loosened his tongue.\u201cTruth is, Ben, most of your mates thought you\u2019d regret leaving Boston,\u201d he confessed abruptly. \u201cThere were bets placed on when we\u2019d see you back in town running the chandlery with Abel again.\u201d He smiled sheepishly. \u201cI didn\u2019t participate in that, wishing you only the best. If anyone could succeed, I felt it was you. Still \u2026.\u201d<\/p>\n

Richard bit his lip while considering his next admission. \u201cThe one thing I did worry about was you leaving so soon after Adam was born. I saw you board that carriage with your hopes packed in your cases along with your clothes. I\u2019d expected you\u2019d leave Adam in Abel\u2019s care until you got relocated, yet there you were with a nanny and your son making the journey. I prayed for your success, while having great concern. I\u2019d never heard of a widower taking an infant on a trip like that.\u201d He shook his head. \u201cWith mail service as bad as it was, Abel\u2019s reports on your progress were sporadic and usually months behind what you were actually doing. You kept moving, but it seemed slow going. Without evidence that you\u2019d reached the jump off point in Missouri after a few years, the new tavern scuttlebutt settled on you needing to leave your son behind to get where you were going. One thing Abel did share was that you had family in Ohio. I did wonder if you\u2019d asked them for help, but I never asked Abel or your son about it.\u201d<\/p>\n

Richard\u2019s lip chewing resumed for a bit as he saw Ben nod. \u201cWhen I look around at this place and your prosperity, it seems like it must have been easy. But it couldn\u2019t have been. You\u2019ve done a good job, Ben \u2026 with all of it. Your younger sons are great, and I can\u2019t wait to see Adam again.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAdam spoke of meeting you when he got home from school.\u201d Ben smiled as his mind took a quick detour to Boston. \u201cThose bets against my success that you mentioned, are in line with what I\u2019d imagined. People were absolutely right to think I was daft. \u00a0But Elizabeth and I had agreed to go west to find our future and fortune, and she was adamant that no one talk me out of it. When she passed, I had to take each day \u2026 each step \u2026 with resolve and a good deal of faith.\u201d<\/p>\n

One eye closed and Richard\u2019s cheek rose. \u201cForgive me for asking this Ben, and I only bring it up because the rigors of cross-country travel, even with modern, more comfortable transportation, made me want to turn back a few times. Did you ever reach a point when things became so challenging that you had to go it alone for a while?\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben considered his answer as old memories washed over him like high seas over the bow. There had been moments when his fear over doing the right thing had tormented him. But he didn\u2019t find it necessary to share this, and answered truthfully. \u201cAdam and I made the entire trip together, and along the way I married.\u00a0 Inger died along the trail shortly after our son Hoss was born, leaving Adam and me with a sweet infant to care for. The journey was never easy, Richard, but it wasn\u2019t hard either. There were always people to help and encourage us, making our blessings exceed our losses.\u201d He nodded before adding, \u201c<\/em>Abel \u2018s final words to me were that I should carry Elizabeth in my heart, not on my shoulders. It became our family\u2019s way to keep moving forward. We remember \u00a0and learn from the past, but look only to the future.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben rose, collecting the empty glasses. \u201cYou must be exhausted from your travel. How about a nap before the boys get back and keep you up until midnight with their inquisition? Let me drop these in the kitchen, and I\u2019ll take you to your room.\u201d<\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

After settling his guest, Ben slipped into his bedroom across the hall; his path taking him directly to the dresser, where he opened the bottom drawer and lifted a stack of nightshirts to retrieve a small, cloth-wrapped package tied with string.<\/p>\n

Taking a seat in the rocking chair near the window overlooking the yard, he set the package on his lap and undid the bow. Richard\u2019s questions had poked his memories, and he felt compelled to take a look at this remnant from the beginning of his journey west. Few possessions had made it all the way from Boston to the Ponderosa, but he had kept Elizabeth\u2019s small portrait, her music box and her Bible for Adam, giving them to him once he\u2019d understood their value. Ben had also kept the item in his lap: a silver rattle from Abel, engraved with Adams full name and birthdate. This keepsake had remained his secret\u2014his plan to surprise Adam \u00a0with it after the birth of his first child.<\/p>\n

He turned the tarnished keepsake in his hand and shook it; the grains of rice still creating the distinctive rattle that had soothed its original owner. It bore every scratch and bang sustained during its use by the curious baby who\u2019d needed something to \u201cdo\u201d from the time he\u2019d opened his eyes each morning. He would have it cleaned of tarnish one day, but not of its heritage. The dings and tooth marks were memories too precious to erase.<\/p>\n

A sound drifted under his closed door like smoky tendrils from a leaf fire. The breathy snore of his old friend provided evidence that Richard had taken him up on the nap. With nothing pressing to finish, and nothing to start while having a guest, he allowed his mind to drift back to the one time when life had become so loud that he couldn\u2019t hear the truth, and he\u2019d let the opinions of others shift his resolve.<\/p>\n

A time he\u2019d had to make a decision in Ohio \u2026.<\/p>\n

******************************<\/p>\n

Three (26 Years Earlier)<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u201dC\u2019mon, Adam,\u201d Ben hollered to the child sitting on the \u00a0top porch step of the boarding house. \u201cLet\u2019s get moving or we won\u2019t make any miles before dark.\u201d<\/p>\n

The four-year-old rose; hopped down the remaining steps one-at-a-time until reaching the ground, and ran towards the small covered wagon his father had recently purchased. Stopping too far away to be reached, he fixed a granite-like stare on his father while closing one eye and resting his hands on his hips. \u201cYou promise there\u2019ll be kids to play with at that farm?\u201d His tone bore his skepticism.<\/p>\n

\u201cYup. But you won\u2019t know that until you get your bottom on the seat and we drive away.\u201d<\/p>\n

Mrs. Stauffer, the owner of the boarding house where\u2019d they\u2019d stayed the last year while Ben had worked at the Cleveland docks, ran over as fast as her substantial girth allowed. She grabbed Adam and hugged him tightly against her ample bosom. \u201cI\u2019m sure gonna miss you and all your big ideas.\u201d She eyed Ben over Adam\u2019s head. \u201cNever thought I\u2019d learn so much from a tyke, but this boy is always full of good information.\u201d She mussed Adam\u2019s hair affectionately. \u201cYou stay a good boy for yer daddy.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI will,\u201d he promised as he wrapped his arms around her neck and squeezed hard. \u201cI\u2019ll miss you too.\u201d<\/p>\n

***<\/strong><\/p>\n

It had taken three years to reach Cleveland after leaving Boston; the location he\u2019d sought after hearing about a good-paying job available as master of the barge docks on the river channel of the harbor. The position offered enough income to squirrel away funds for their final push to Missouri.<\/p>\n

Ben\u2019s initial plan of heading straight to Missouri had hit a wall almost immediately when Mrs. Callahan had confessed that her enthusiasm at leaving behind the great loss she\u2019d experienced, had turned into paralyzing homesickness. \u00a0Yet, she\u2019d agreed to travel more locally with the Cartwrights until Adam was weaned from her milk, walking and out of diapers.<\/p>\n

The solution was acceptable, and addressed Ben\u2019s own concerns about money. Everything cost more than he\u2019d planned for, and he\u2019d reasoned there was no harm in taking odd jobs to keep his wallet from being empty while Adam grew a bit. \u00a0By the time Adam reached 18-months-old, he was functioning as a toddler instead of baby, drinking from a cup, eating whatever food was available, talking like crazy and only needing an oilcloth under him at night.<\/p>\n

The pride he felt in Adam\u2019s accomplishments made him both fear and anticipate Mrs. Callahan\u2019s departure. His expenses would drop quickly with only one adult to feed and shelter, yet he understood the increased responsibility he faced.<\/p>\n

Adam had proved an adaptable child, and within a few months, father and son were doing well and took to the road.<\/p>\n

Their travel still only took them to the next job, but they\u2019d now reached a point where they would finally set their site on St. Joseph, Missouri.<\/p>\n

Frugal living allowed Ben to stash any extra from his wages into an unmatched sock, and he\u2019d found enough in there a while back to purchase a small covered wagon and team. Having transportation was not the final step in their odyssey. He would need to refill his sock with cash for living expenses and fees. \u00a0Yet, even though Cleveland was comfortable and profitable, Ben wanted to move on.<\/p>\n

Their first excursion by wagon would take them to southwest Ohio, with their destination intended to accomplish two things. The first was to give Adam a short taste of traveling in the open. Previous moves were accomplished by train or coach, and they\u2019d always found shelter at an inn or boarding house. But he also wanted an extended visit at his family\u2019s homestead. Once he crossed the Mississippi and struck out to the west, he wouldn\u2019t see his mother or brother\u2019s family for many years \u2026 if ever. He also had to ensure that John was satisfied with his life, and not feeling overwhelmed with being left to handle the family responsibilities. Ben wouldn\u2019t change his plans based on what he found in Ohio, but he could encourage his brother to seek a different life if he was unhappy.<\/p>\n

Anticipating their ability to leave, he\u2019d sent a letter to John months ago, offering his services through fall and winter in exchange for staying with them.<\/p>\n

There existed a grain of vanity in his plan. He was immensely proud of his son, and longed for his mother to meet the little boy.<\/p>\n

Ben had left home as a young teen after observing a busy harbor during a trip to the coast. His curiosity about the ships and their destinations never waned, and he\u2019d found himself unable to remain in a rural setting while there was a vast ocean and beyond to explore.<\/p>\n

His parents hadn\u2019t understood his need to serve in a frail-looking vessel, yet they\u2019d never denied his right to go. His one regret was in not getting back home to see his father, who\u2019d died six years ago after a brief illness. During his years aboard ship, Ben had dealt with loneliness and grief concerning the separation from his folks, but his regret only stemmed from the distance, not for his decision to leave.<\/p>\n

In those same years, he\u2019d learned something important about himself. He didn\u2019t have saltwater in his veins like some of the sailors he\u2019d worked with. What drove him to the sea was the lure knowing what was out beyond what he could see or imagine. It was the West that called him now.<\/p>\n

Four<\/strong><\/p>\n

It took a week to chew up the miles between Cleveland and the farm. As he neared home, he noted that trees had grown taller and other landmarks no longer existed, yet he envisioned it all as he\u2019d known it as a boy. The house\u2014not visible from the road\u2014would take shape as soon as they\u2019d turn off and clear a small rise in the rutted driveway.<\/p>\n

At the final turn, a sign proclaimed, The<\/em> Cartwright Homestead<\/em>, painted in black letters on a weather-roughened board. He\u2019d made this years ago, sawing the piece from leftover barn siding; sanding it; painting the name, and attaching it to a post as a birthday gift for his father. The lettering had been repainted, and a second line had been added, noting John Cartwright proprietor<\/em>.<\/p>\n

Adam saw the sign, and tugged his father\u2019s sleeve. \u201cThat\u2019s our name, Pa!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIt sure is,\u201d he replied, and then told him the story of its inception. He saw the little boy\u2019s expression turn from interest to granite, fixing his attention forward as he stiffened. \u201cWhat\u2019s wrong, Adam? You were so excited to get here, but now you look \u2026 frightened.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI was<\/em> excited when it was something I was \u2018gonna do\u2019.\u201d He looked up at his father. \u201cWhat if they don\u2019t like me? What if they don\u2019t want to play with me, Pa?\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben moved the reins into his left hand and wrapped his free arm around Adam\u2019s back. \u201cHow about you leave the worrying to me? The name on that sign is Cartwright. We\u2019re Cartwrights too.\u201d He gave a sturdy squeeze. \u201cCan you give them a chance?\u201d<\/p>\n

The little boy snuggled tighter against his father, and pointed. \u201cIs that the house?\u201d indicating the building now visible in the distance. Receiving a nod, he vowed, \u201cI can give them a chance, Papa. I just hope they give me one.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben smiled. This youngster was so astute. He could read well with good understanding of the contents, and he thought things through like someone with the wisdom of the ages under his belt. Yet his little boy\u2019s fear was clearly showing. Adam\u2019s very first word had been Papa, and he\u2019d used that name until last spring, after declaring that he was too old for such a babyish term. Since then, he\u2019d called him, Pa.<\/p>\n

However, when this wise little man was tired, ill or frightened, \u201cPapa\u201d slipped out. It was how Ben knew Adam was in distress and needed comforting.<\/p>\n

<<<<<< >>>>>><\/strong><\/p>\n

Ben withdrew from his memories when he heard noise in the yard below his window and stretched forward to look out.\u00a0 He smiled when he saw Hop Sing shooing birds out of his garden in a litany of angry sounding Chinese. The smell of beef roasting was already drifting throughout the house, and now Ben knew there\u2019d be a fresh lettuce salad and peas as well. Hop Sing was as good a gardener as he was a cook and family organizer, and Ben was once again reminded of the blessing this man brought to his family.<\/p>\n

Listening closely, he could still hear Richard\u2019s soft snore, and his thoughts returned to the rattle in his hand and the sojourn with his young son.<\/p>\n

<<<<<< >>>>>><\/strong><\/p>\n

Their arrival at the house was a joyous event. His mother scooped Adam up, covering the child with kisses and assurances that he was the sweetest and cutest child ever created. The visit began untroubled with John\u2019s enthusiastic welcome and thanks that he\u2019d have another adult to help him with harvesting and big projects he\u2019d been putting off. Ben immediately noticed that the homestead looked well-kept and prosperous, leaving him excited to learn how John had taken a subsistence farm to a financial success.<\/p>\n

The welcome they\u2019d received buoyed Ben into thinking the transition from two families to one big one would go easily. But that changed following a bountiful lunch when John offered to show Ben where he\u2019d be staying and help him stow his things. It didn\u2019t take long for him to realize that many plans had already been made \u201cfor\u201d him without waiting to speak \u201cwith\u201d him.<\/p>\n

John, and Patty, his wife, led Ben to living quarters they\u2019d created for him out of the tack room attached to the barn.<\/p>\n

\u201cThe bedrooms in the house are full,\u201d John explained. \u201cWe thought you\u2019d appreciate some privacy rather than putting a bed in the living room, and this room already had a stove.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben nodded enthusiastically. \u201cAdam and I will do just fine in here. Thank you!\u201d<\/p>\n

John looked upwards and rocked back on his heels while Patricia clarified. \u201cThis room is for you, Ben. Adam will sleep inside with our boys.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019d prefer he stay with me, at least a while,\u201d he replied with a smile. \u201cHe\u2019s never been separated from me, and will do better easing into this new life.\u201d<\/p>\n

John steeled his spine shoving his hands into his pockets. His tone was firm, yet not unkind. \u201cIt will be best for everyone to break Adam of his tendency to get his own way from the start, Ben. With the circumstances you\u2019ve lived in since leaving Boston, it was probably necessary to give into him just to keep peace. His life will be stable now, and if you continue let him have his way, he will learn to manipulate you. Staying with our sons will help him take his first steps to an independent, disciplined life.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI assure you that my son is well disciplined, John,\u201d Ben said evenly. \u201cThat\u2019s not to say he won\u2019t have some tense and confused moments or misbehave now and then. But he listens and has never been a willful child. I\u2019m not sure what you\u2019ve imagined as the way we lived, but I have insisted on order. I will make sure he becomes comfortable around everyone, and prefer he stay with me until that happens. Being separated might create the very behavior you\u2019re hoping to avoid.\u201d<\/p>\n

John sighed and attempted a smile. \u201cI\u2019m not saying that Adam\u2019s a bad child, Ben. I\u2019m simply doing what you asked me to do in your letter. You said you want Adam to experience normal family life. In this family, parents sleep separately from their children. It\u2019s best he does this from the beginning.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben felt a wave of nausea as he realized that his brother had caught him in his own words. His letter had contained no instructions as to what being part of a family would include for Adam, thereby giving John decisional power. Rooming with his cousins wasn\u2019t an unreasonable idea either. It would give him a real taste of what having brothers was like.<\/p>\n

But unfortunately, between his letter to John and their departure, something had happened to cause Adam\u2019s distress over separation. He couldn\u2019t disclose the incident to his brother though, because even though there wasn\u2019t a shred of blame born by either him or his son, he feared John would see it as evidence of Ben\u2019s ineffective parenting.<\/p>\n

Four months back, Adam had been abducted by a couple staying at the same boarding house, and remained \u201clost\u201d for a couple of weeks. The woman, crazed by the inability to bear her own child, had gone shopping for one.1<\/sup> She\u2019d convinced herself that she would be justified if she took a child from an imperfect situation, making it a rescue rather than kidnapping.<\/p>\n

Adam filled her bill both on all accounts, and they ran off with him. By the time the situation was discovered, the couple was long gone, and their use of aliases and lies about everything had left no trail to follow.<\/p>\n

His son made it home after two weeks thanks to the husband finally standing up to his insane wife. Adam had described what he\u2019d endured through a child\u2019s lens, bringing it down to the fact that she had been \u201creally mean.\u201d The husband had written a letter for Ben revealing the abuses she\u2019d committed after being unable to convince Adam that they were his parents now.<\/p>\n

Adam had recovered quickly: the only remnant being anxiety at unexpected separations from his father. Even that had eased, but Ben feared these sleeping arrangements might release a few demons.<\/p>\n

Yet he couldn\u2019t disagree further without more explanation, and acquiesced to John\u2019s plan, praying that Adam would adapt as easily as he usually did.<\/p>\n

***<\/strong><\/p>\n

Ben held his breath at bedtime. \u201cHe\u2019d explained to Adam where he was expected to sleep and why. The stoic little man had accepted this after a single, \u201cI don\u2019t like this, Papa,\u201d to which Ben replied that sometimes it took great faith to try new things.<\/p>\n

Adam\u2019s forlorn look and limply stated goodnight, sans hug or kiss, left Ben shaken. The child had trudged up the steps after his cousins, and Ben had found Adam sound asleep when he checked before going outside.<\/p>\n

***<\/strong><\/p>\n

His hopeful optimism that all was fine, was destroyed at breakfast the next morning when the cousins called Adam, \u201cWeeping Willie.\u201d Obviously, the sleep he\u2019d witnessed had come only after an emotional struggle. This wrenched Ben\u2019s heart because Adam seldom cried. He accepted discipline, punishment and disappointments without outbursts or tears. After a \u201cnecessary talk,\u201d he might pin his father with a woeful look, but he never held a grudge. Ben shivered as he imagined his son facing the terrors of a strange house, a strange room and strangers around him, on his own.<\/p>\n

He took Adam aside after breakfast ostensibly to show him the chores he would be expected to do, and once away from the others, he said. \u201cWas it a bad night?\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam shrugged, but his eyes showed how thoroughly bereft and betrayed he felt.<\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

Hoping the worst was over, he allowed the living arrangements to continue a few more nights, until he couldn\u2019t explain away what he saw each morning. Earlier, Adam could barely hold his head up or his eyes open at the breakfast table. Weeping Willie was no longer in use, indicating Adam was keeping the tears in check, but his struggles were clearly keeping him from resting.<\/p>\n

Ben walked him to the barn after he dozed off between bites of oatmeal, and pressed him to explain why he was so tired. Adam, as was his way, was too singular to reveal the cause.<\/p>\n

Thankfully, at lunch, Ben\u2019s mother got Ben\u2019s attention and winked.<\/p>\n

She laid her fork aside and reached down to rub her shin. \u201cI really bruised my leg in the boys\u2019 bedroom changing their sheets today. It\u2019s too crowded with the extra bed.<\/p>\n

John Junior chimed in immediately. \u201cI\u2019m black and blue from the knees down from clunking into that cot. And with three of us in there, there\u2019s no air to breathe.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben took the opening his mother had provided. \u201cI have a solution! Adam can move in with me for now, and when the crops are in, we\u2019ll have time to build a bunk bed. A third bed won\u2019t take up any extra space then.\u201d<\/p>\n

John gave his grudging agreement, waiting until he and his brother were on their way back to the field to call him out. \u201cWell, you got your way with Adam, but you\u2019re setting a dangerous precedence. I saw that he was struggling, but he would have gotten past it if you hadn\u2019t given in.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI appreciate your concern, John, but there are things about my son you can\u2019t understand yet. He is able to conform and adapt easily, so when he doesn\u2019t, I know he\u2019s in big trouble. It\u2019s too soon to have everything that was normal to him torn away. It will be good for him to share a room with your boys, but for now he needs to be able to rest or he\u2019ll become ill.\u201d He smiled at his brother. \u201cFrankly, John, I\u2019m not sleeping any better than Adam because I worry about him. Both of us will fare better.\u201d<\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

While Ben had managed to get Adam resituated with his mother\u2019s help, it didn\u2019t end the well-intentioned suggestions that became the norm. John and Patty had carefully considered everything they felt Ben was not providing his son without ever seeing them together, and their \u201cWhat\u2019s best for Adam,\u201d advisories were liberally applied to every conversation.<\/p>\n

Ben\u2019s mother was quietly his greatest supporter, telling him every day what a good job he was doing to raise such an intelligent, resourceful and loving child in the hardest of circumstances. But she also shared her reasoning for not speaking up against John\u2019s constant warnings. \u201cYour brother took over as head of this household when your father died, Ben. As such, I do not challenge him in front of his family. But I do speak privately to him about his hard-held opinions and warn him when he\u2019s being too harsh.\u201d<\/p>\n

His mother\u2019s position was understandable, and in all honesty; he would want the same respectful attitude in his home one day. Dramatic displays in the heat of the moment did nothing to resolve problems.<\/p>\n

He also saw that John was good to their mother. He was doing a fine job with the farm, and overall, he was good to his children, usually \u201cspeaking\u201d more of discipline and punishment than he ever handed out.<\/p>\n

The further fact was that aside from the critiques of his parenting, he enjoyed working with his brother and it was great being part of a big group.<\/p>\n

He thought back to the letter he\u2019d written to John, again kicking himself for making it seem that he wanted guidance in raising Adam, rather than simply experiencing family life. Ben was reaping what he had inadvertently sown. He concluded he would keep his peace and enjoy the best parts of this stay until it was time to leave.<\/p>\n

***<\/strong><\/p>\n

As is often the case with people who have all the answers when it comes to someone else\u2019s child, they are oblivious to the mischief of their own children. Ben confronted this when returning to the barn for a tool he\u2019d forgotten a few weeks later.<\/p>\n

On entering the dark, dusty stall area leading to the tool room, he saw Adam struggling to lift a pitch fork of mucked bedding into a wheelbarrow. The little boy\u2019s eyes and nose were running to the point where he looked ill. Further, it was well past the time he should have finished his chores and gone inside for lessons with his grandmother.<\/p>\n

\u201cAre you sick?\u201d he asked while laying the back of his hand against Adam\u2019s forehead. Feeling no warmth, he tipped the boy\u2019s face up, and used his handkerchief to wipe away the snotty mess.<\/p>\n

Adam sneezed, wracking his small body in a powerful shudder. \u201cNo Papa \u2026. This stuff \u2026\u201d he said, pointing to the muck, and then at the pile of fresh straw in the corner, \u201cmakes my nose run and my eyes itch. My head hurts too, cuz I can\u2019t breathe through my nose, and I choke on the dust when I breathe with my mouth.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben straightened and looked around. \u201cIsn\u2019t your job to put out oats for the horses, and then feed the animals in the pens outside? This work is pretty heavy for someone your size.\u201d Ben stiffened when he placed his hand on Adam\u2019s back, finding his shirt soaked with sweat. It was a chilly November morning, and Adam shivered when a breeze blew through the open door.<\/p>\n

The worried father watched as several emotions played across the youngster\u2019s face. \u201cWhat aren\u2019t you telling me, son?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWill and Junior said Uncle John wants me to do more stuff and if I don\u2019t, their pa will ask us to leave.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAren\u2019t these the chores they\u2019re supposed to do together?\u201d<\/p>\n

A shrug was followed by a nod. \u201cThey say we\u2019re be \u2026 beho \u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

Beholding?\u201d Ben supplied.<\/p>\n

The child\u2019s face screwed into a pucker. \u201cYeah. What does that mean, Pa?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIt means that we should willingly help as a way to repay their kindness. \u00a0But Uncle John gave you work that fits your size. He or I are the only one who can add to that, and he would never put us out. I\u2019ll speak to him.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam\u2019s eyes and mouth opened wide and round. \u201cNo!\u201d He sneezed again and shivered. \u201cDon\u2019t say nothing, Pa. They\u2019ll call me a tattletale.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben smiled knowingly. His son was clearly at the bottom of this family\u2019s pecking order, something the cousins had figured out too. He also understood that telling John outright what his boys were doing would embarrass his brother and tip his hand towards punishment that might make the situation even worse for Adam.<\/p>\n

In one way, Will and Junior\u2019s actions were just what Ben had hoped Adam would experience as normal brotherly rivalry that he would learn to navigate. But in this case, he would have to creatively help his son.<\/p>\n

He looked around the barn assessing what still needed to be done. Taking Adam\u2019s pitch fork, he had the muck removed in minutes and then had his son spread new straw despite the continued sneezing. \u201cGo wash up now, change your shirt and get to your lessons.\u201d Taking another swipe at the new accumulation of drippiness flowing from Adam\u2019s nose, he promised, \u201cDon\u2019t worry, son, you won\u2019t have to do this again.\u201d<\/p>\n

***<\/strong><\/p>\n

As everyone crowded around the table for supper that night, Ben tapped his spoon against a glass for attention. \u201cWe\u2019ve been here a while now, and I want to thank you all again for making us feel so welcome,\u201d he began. \u201cWe are both anxious to help, and in fact, Adam is looking for a few other chores to do. But I found him earlier biting off more than he can chew, attempting to clean stalls. He can\u2019t physically handle the work, and that means someone else will have to go after him to finish. Instead of helping, it just creates double effort.\u201d<\/p>\n

He\u2019d looked around the table, settling on his nephews before moving on to John. \u201cI\u2019ll bet there are things he could manage better.\u201d He waited a breath. \u201cAny suggestions?\u201d<\/p>\n

His nephews had the moral perception to blush.\u00a0 Along with the blush came wide-eyed stares while anticipating their father\u2019s response.<\/p>\n

John eyed his boys carefully. \u201cWe want you to feel like family and appreciate your help \u2026 don\u2019t we boys? But you don\u2019t have to work harder than the rest of us to show your thanks.\u201d He\u2019d closed his eyes and sat back in his chair. \u201cMa sweeps the porches every day, but her rheumatism makes it hard to bend down to hold the dust pan. How about after Adam feeds the animals, he finds Grandma and gives her a hand with that.\u201d He nodded towards his wife and then Adam. \u201cAnd if Grandma doesn\u2019t need you, ask Aunt Patty if she needs help in the kitchen. That will be plenty.\u201d<\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

Things settled into a calm rhythm for Ben and Adam as the Boston Cartwrights grafted their branch into the Ohio Cartwright\u2019s family tree. The best part of late fall and early winter was being included in the preparations for the coming holidays. Adam had never experienced this before. There\u2019d always been special dinners in the boarding houses, but Adam was at the perfect age now to appreciate the anticipation.<\/p>\n

John shared his woodworking skills, helping Adam build a birdhouse and trinket boxes for Christmas gifts. He even paid him a few pennies for sweeping the woodshop each evening so he\u2019d have money to purchase presents he couldn\u2019t make. Adam blossomed during this time. Sleeping well had returned him to a bright-eyed child who hurried through his chores and absorbed his grandmother\u2019s lessons like a sponge. When those were finished, he\u2019d join his uncle in the shop, and hit his pillow exhausted and happy each night.<\/p>\n

The closer the holidays came the more excited the household became. Fragrant decorations were put up, while cookies and fruit cake were baked and stored for coming celebrations. The house usually smelled sweet and cinnamony, with an undertone of whatever was being cooked for dinner that night. Ben teased his mother and sister-in-law that a person could gain weight just by inhaling.<\/p>\n

Adam\u2019s eyes had sparkled like bits of amber on Christmas morning, finding several gifts under the tree with his name. The gifts he\u2019d made and purchased were well received, and his happiness from that day lingered as winter laid its covering over the land.<\/p>\n

Five<\/strong><\/p>\n

Ben\u2019s memories of Christmas didn\u2019t last as long. With the deepest part of winter setting in, and their stay already half over, Ben noticed a disturbing change in his brother\u2019s conversation. He\u2019d initially been encouraging over Ben\u2019s plans to go west come spring, but now it seemed that providing a home for the winter entitled him to an opinion in the matter.<\/p>\n

It began one sunny winter afternoon as the two brothers looked over a stack of boards for projects they\u2019d complete indoors.<\/p>\n

\u201cWe should get those bunkbeds built,\u201d John told Ben.<\/p>\n

\u201cI hope to leave early in March if the weather cooperates,\u201d Ben responded while continuing to pull similar sized boards into piles. \u201cMaybe we could leave the sleeping arrangements as they are for the duration, and work on the new coops, pens and feed lockers, and fencing board to expand your corral once we can set posts.\u201d Ben\u2019s suggestion was met by his brother\u2019s reddening face and clenching fists.<\/p>\n

John\u2019s voice carried an accusatory tone. \u201cAdam is doing so well here. I can\u2019t believe you still plan to take him on that dangerous journey across the country! Don\u2019t you understand what a bad decision that would be. I\u2019m sorry if we haven\u2019t been obvious enough in wanting you to leave Adam with us.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThank you for your offer, but I have no intention of leaving my son behind.\u201d<\/p>\n

John turned abruptly and walked away. Ben continued to sort the lumber, and when his brother returned, his posture was no longer imposing. \u201cLet\u2019s do as you suggested and get the big projects done. We\u2019ll still build the bunkbed after that. Patty says it will work better in that room whether Adam remains or not. \u201c<\/p>\n

Ben heard the caveat, and anticipated that this was not the last he\u2019d hear about his upcoming trip.<\/p>\n

***<\/strong><\/p>\n

Outright suggestions to leave Adam behind eased as winter progressed. That didn\u2019t mean his brother stopped advocating for it. He simply changed tactics. Any behavior from Adam considered imperfect was called to Ben\u2019s attention. All things received the same scrutiny, whether he was a little slow doing something Ben asked of him; became cranky when overtired; got too excited and boisterous or indicated his displeasure with anything from a vegetable he didn\u2019t like to a punishment he reasoned was undeserved. The head nod towards the \u201cwillful child,\u201d was accompanied by John\u2019s practiced expression conveying that this was the result when children were not consistently parented. In truth, every instance was simply Adam being a little boy; the same behavior John managed to overlook in Will and Junior.<\/p>\n

Ben soon realized that objecting or reacting brought further judgment that he was being \u201coverly sensitive\u201d to the truth. He found that laughing it off or nodding sagely disarmed the situation. And if there were true instances of disobedience or disrespect, he spoke to his son in private.<\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

Life proceeded with the occasional bumps and nudges, until an incident in late February left Ben shaken to the core.<\/p>\n

A fever overtook Will after a trip to town where other children were ill. He recovered quickly, with Junior following in his wake with similar symptoms and a quick return to health. The last to get sick was Adam.<\/p>\n

The symptoms began as they had with the other boys, but instead of a low fever with a day in bed as his cousins had experienced, the fever set in hard and hot over the next two days, with Adam\u2019s cough ringing out even as he slept after becoming too exhausted to stay awake. Ben, his mother and Patty used every home remedy they\u2019d heard of to bring the fever down and ease the gurgle in his throat and chest, yet he worsened until he barely woke for sips of broth or water. The doctor brought from town advocated cool baths for the fever, steaming pans of water for congestion, an elixir for the cough, and prayer. They moved Adam inside to his grandmother\u2019s room so there\u2019d be more people available to keep an eye on him while Ben took catnaps and cleaned up. But the worried father couldn\u2019t really sleep, and seldom left Adam\u2019s side.<\/p>\n

The fever finally broke on the fifth morning of Ben\u2019s vigil. The little guy was starving and limp as a dishrag, but he smiled, asking to get out of bed and sit on his father\u2019s lap.<\/p>\n

Two more days passed with Adam confined to the house, and Ben still unable to sleep as he remained vigilant for a relapse.<\/p>\n

The little boy recovered as quickly as he\u2019d taken ill, leaving Ben to join his brother in the woodshop again. The sleepless nights had taken their toll, and he moved as though heavy weights were anchoring his ankles.<\/p>\n

John laid down his hammer and square down on the workbench and looked over at his brother. \u201cI\u2019m so relieved that Adam\u2019s better.\u201d He puckered his lips. \u201cHas he ever been so sick before?\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben shook his head. \u201cSniffles, a cough and some stomach upsets, but nothing like this. Thank God he\u2019s fine.\u201d He smiled feebly. \u201cUnfortunately, I don\u2019t suppose it\u2019s the last time this will happen.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s an unfortunate truth with children,\u201d John offered with a nod. \u201dIsn\u2019t it interesting how these illness make their way through towns. Sometimes the adults get the worst of it and the kids are fine. This time it was only children, and some got it much worse than others. You feel so helpless watching them struggle.\u201d He released a long breath. \u201cYou had a lot of help and support through this, Ben. You might want to consider how differently it might have gone in a drafty wagon out in the middle of nowhere.\u201d<\/p>\n

John\u2019s words made Ben grimace, and a pain shot into his chest like a dagger being plunged through his flesh and muscles. \u201cI am thankful for the blessings you mentioned, John. I\u2019d like Adam to always be safe, but there are no guarantees. Severe weather, bad accidents and illness can take lives even from those living in comfortable homes, not just when someone is traveling to their destiny.\u201d He looked away, trying to find the words to reassure his brother that he was aware of the risks and the outcomes. \u201cWe won\u2019t be traveling alone. There could be fifty-to-a-hundred people in our caravan. From what I\u2019ve heard, these groups become families in their united efforts. Pioneers \u2026 explorers \u2026 have always bucked the odds against success, willing to face the unknown while praying for God\u2019s protection. It\u2019s the only way a nation can grow.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSo, you fancy yourself a pioneer and speak of this<\/em> as your destiny now,\u201d John said with a haughty tone. \u201cAnd you find no problem putting your young son through the hell you just mentioned to get there. Do you hear how selfish you sound? Are you so adamant in taking Adam along because you need him to see you as heroic?\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben remained silent, refusing to rise to the bait his brother had cast, despite feeling John\u2019s verbal blade slide between his ribs again. He turned so his reaction would go unobserved, and resumed planing the edges of the doors for the cabinet he was building.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou see how well Adam does with Ma in his lessons, and he can attend a real school when the weather eases,\u201d John continued, undaunted by his brother\u2019s lack of response. \u201cHe won\u2019t have time to do lessons on the road, and there won\u2019t be a school where you\u2019re going. Adam will fall behind and he\u2019ll never catch up.\u201d Although his words still bore accusations, he eased his tone to sound reasoning. \u201cThere won\u2019t be a church, stores or any sort of comfortable home until years of hard work.\u201d He sighed. \u201cI\u2019m going to renew our offer. Patricia and I want you to leave Adam with us. Not forever, but long enough for you to find what you\u2019re seeking.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben hated his brother\u2019s offer, yet \u2026. \u201cHow long do you propose he stay here?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHe\u2019s going on five, and I\u2019d reckon he\u2019d be through his primary studies before you get back.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWith as fast as Adam learns, that\u2019ll be a year from now.\u201d Ben chuckled, trying to lighten the conversation, but John remained stone-faced. \u201cWon\u2019t there be risk associated with this trip no matter how old he is?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHe\u2019ll fare better with more years under his belt. You\u2019ll have your hands full as it is, Ben. There won\u2019t be time for Adam and he\u2019ll get lost in the rush, becoming a disrespectful, wanton youngster no one can abide.\u201d He paused only for a breath. \u201cAnd think of the dangers, not only from illness or injury, but from marauders and Indian attacks. Those stories sound brutal.\u201d<\/p>\n

John\u2019s words sent salt into the verbal wounds left in his initial assault, making Ben\u2019s heart burn with uncertainty.<\/p>\n

\u201cSafer, faster ways of travel will come available over time. Or if you prefer, I\u2019ll take Adam to your father-in-law in Boston. He can arrange passage to the West Coast on a suitable ship.\u201d<\/p>\n

The pain eased, and Ben found a platform again. \u201cYou\u2019ve decided all this behind my back! Wouldn\u2019t the right thing \u2026 the kind and responsible way of doing this \u2026 have been to include me in these plans? I\u2019m a reasonable man, and honestly, you\u2019re making some valid points, John. But this way, you insult my ability as a parent and make me defensive.\u201d<\/p>\n

John looked away, releasing a prolonged sigh. \u201cThere\u2019s a reason we didn\u2019t include you, younger brother. You get these big ideas; go ahead with them without a thought to how they affect others and then tire of them.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben\u2019s jaw dropped. \u201cWhat are you talking about?!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou told Ma and Pa it was your destiny<\/em> to sail the seas when you left for Boston. It grieved Ma, and Pa had to work harder in your absence.\u201d His laugh was bitter. \u201cAnd how long did that last before you tired of it? If you tire of this destiny; what will happen to your son!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s not fair or accurate, John. I knew it would be hard for our parents to let me go, but they truly understood. Pa would have worked just as hard whether I\u2019d stayed or gone. It was his nature. And Ma encouraged me because she knew that staying to please them would produce bitterness.\u201d This time Ben sighed. \u201cIf you\u2019ve felt the burden of staying on here, then I\u2019m sorry for you. Pa wrote that he gave you the option of selling the farm when he got sick. You seem happy in the life you\u2019ve chosen, but if you\u2019re not, then exercise some of that honest introspection you\u2019re expecting from me and decide what you do want.\u201d<\/p>\n

John blushed deeply. \u201cI\u2019m sorry, Ben. I know Pa sent you on your way with his best wishes, and you\u2019re correct that he offered me a chance to use the farm money to do what I wanted. It was my decision to continue, and I\u2019m content here.\u201d The redness in his cheeks diminished as he changed from contrition to confrontation again. \u201cWhat I\u2019m talking about is that you saw the sea as your career, but that all changed. This will take longer and be harder, so I worry you won\u2019t stick with it when you don\u2019t get what you want fast enough.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben reared back, regarding his brother as a stranger. \u201cDid Ma never share with you what I was doing? If she had, you\u2019d know that I served on Abel\u2019s ship for several years, rising through the ranks to become the youngest officer to be offered my own vessel. But things changed when I considered marriage and a family. The sea requires everything from a man, and often takes away more than it gives. I no longer wanted to be gone for months while Elizabeth raised our children and wondered if I\u2019d return. Having land\u2014space without boundaries\u2014is possible in the West. I want to take on the vast country with my family at my side. I don\u2019t want to leave Adam behind because it\u2019s his future too.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ll leave the offer on the table, Ben.\u201d John finally smiled. \u201cThink it over and decide what\u2019s best.\u00a0 I won\u2019t bring it up again.\u201d<\/p>\n

Six<\/strong><\/p>\n

John remained true to his word \u2026 in his way. He never confronted Ben again, and they moved past the moment of bitter honesty between them. The indication that John\u2019s judgments had not swayed, showed itself in new tactics focusing on Adam.;<\/p>\n

As the deep winter gave way to pleasant, sunny days, John and Patricia began speaking of upcoming events. Stories of parties, festivals and community gatherings created the same excited anticipation as Christmas had.<\/p>\n

Never being part of such things before, Adam got excited too and questioned Ben about whether they\u2019d stay long enough to join in the fun of what was being described.<\/p>\n

After one such buildup, John had his nephew nearly bouncing in his seat with excitement, and then gave Ben a knowing look before saying, \u201cI\u2019m so sorry Adam. I shouldn\u2019t have brought it up because you\u2019ll be on a hot, dusty road in the middle of nowhere with a mighty wind blowing in your face by then.\u201d<\/p>\n

The most recent of these baits came at breakfast when Patricia spoke about starting their projects for the Fourth of July celebration. She described the big picnic with games, food and firework, and how they\u2019d enter their crafts to be judged for prizes. \u00a0She spread this scene over the meal like soft butter on biscuits, ending it by saying, \u201cYou did such a good job on that birdhouse you made me for Christmas, Adam, you\u2019d surely win a blue ribbon if you entered it.\u201d She frowned then. \u201cI forgot, child, you won\u2019t be here anymore. I\u2019m so sorry I brought it up.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben saw his son\u2019s confusion. Adam had no idea what a blue ribbon was, but he knew that now the child wanted to win one. The little boy lost interest in his breakfast as the conversation continued to what thing each of the Cartwrights would make and enter.<\/p>\n

Later, together in their room, Adam asked, \u201cWill I ever get to do fun things like Uncle John and Aunt Patty talk about?\u201d<\/p>\n

What Ben found interesting was that while Adam asked questions and clearly grieved not participating; he never suggested he\u2019d prefer to stay behind to enjoy them.<\/p>\n

Ben gave the only promise he could make. \u201cThere will be lots of people with us in the wagon train, son. They\u2019ll all remember what parties and fun felt like, and they\u2019ll find ways to celebrate too.\u201d He winked. \u201cAnd if they don\u2019t, we\u2019ll bring it up and get everyone excited.\u201d<\/p>\n

Seven<\/strong><\/p>\n

Ben was in his room sorting their possessions into the boxes he\u2019d soon pack into their wagon, when Patty appeared in his open doorway.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019d like to talk to you, Ben,\u201d she began as she took a step inside. \u201cWe\u2019ve been pointing out a lot of issues concerning your desire to take Adam with you. Some are exceedingly valid, and some,\u201d she blushed as her lips turned upwards in a knowing smile, \u201chave been petty, judgmental and even hurtful. I\u2019m sorry for those. Please understand that our motivation is love for both you and Adam, even though our methods may have drifted a bit.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThank you for that, Patty,\u201d he offered, matching her smile.<\/p>\n

\u201cDespite anything we\u2019ve said to the contrary, I clearly see that you love your son. Adam is a sweet boy who adores you, and he\u2019d do anything to please you. Is it possible he\u2019d say he wants to go with you because of that bond or in fear of disappointing you, even though he might rather stay here where life is a little more settled?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ve considered that,\u201d he said truthfully. \u201cYet I see no evidence of him trying to please or appease me. He is old enough now that he understands giving up one thing to get something else. I know this trip will challenge him, but Adam is strong and adaptable.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI see that too. He\u2019s managed to fit in with the boys and is always eager to learn something new. I believe he will miss being part of us.\u201d She sighed. \u201cThere is something Adam will miss more than he can possibly realize: something you can\u2019t give him. Adam loves being around your mother. He seeks her out for comfort and loves to hear her stories. And you\u2019ve come inside to find him sitting at the table talking with me while I cook. Even the best of fathers can\u2019t replace that for a young child.\u201d<\/p>\n

Patty\u2019s observations were true and brought a new dimension to his decision. As noted, Ben often found his son curled in his grandmother\u2019s lap or happily chatting with his aunt. He closed the distance to his sister-in-law and took her hands. \u201cThis is something I will truly consider.\u201d<\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

Patty\u2019s thoughts prompted Ben to ask his mother to walk with him after lunch. They skirted the edge of the fields where the first green shoots of spring were inching their way through the ground.<\/p>\n

\u201cMa, do you think I can raise Adam on my own?\u201d he asked her once far enough away their conversation wouldn\u2019t be overheard.<\/p>\n

\u201cAre you asking because John and Patricia have put doubts in your head?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYes and no.\u201d Ben stopped and faced his mother. \u201cI\u2019ve laughed off a lot of it, but there have been good points too. John fears the inherent dangers of the long trip, and points out the difficulty of tending to a youngster while trying to do everything else, especially if Adam gets ill. And Patty pointed out that Adam loves you so much he might suffer loss when we leave.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cJohn and Patty are good people, but they\u2019re already anchored. They have no intentions of exploring further and don\u2019t see the value of what you\u2019re doing.\u201d She patted Ben\u2019s hand. \u201cI knew you had a pioneer\u2019s spirit from the time you could walk. You always wanted to see what was over the next hill.\u201d A chuckle. \u201cAdam is so much like you.\u201d<\/p>\n

A crooked smile softened Ben\u2019s worried expression. \u201cIs that good or bad, Ma?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIt depends on your point of view. John sees your restlessness to make your own way in this world as a weakness, whereas I know the strength it takes. I saw how you distinguished yourself in naval service, and I admired your decision to step away from it when you married Elizabeth. You are doing a wonderful job with Adam despite the many jabs your brother takes at you. But John\u2019s a good man too who\u2019s doing a fine job where he\u2019s settled himself.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHe\u2019s done so much in a few years. I admire that and have told him so. In our talks that don\u2019t involve him chastising me for my plans, I can tell he is content with his life\u2014anchored\u2014like you said. What he can\u2019t understand is wanting to take Adam with me on this adventure. Most people don\u2019t think fathers can raise children on their own.\u201d He smiled down at the small woman who\u2019d raised him. \u201cShould I leave Adam here for a while?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThere is value in doing that, Son. Your travel would certainly be easier alone.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWill John be a better father to my son than I will be if I drag him across the country?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cMaybe,\u201d she answered truthfully. \u201cJohn\u2019s not a perfect parent by any means, but I believe with all my heart that he loves your boy and will give him every advantage while he remains here. Patricia will love Adam too, and I plan to live a few years.\u00a0 I will watch over him like a hawk and promise to let John know right off if I disagree with him on anything regarding my grandson.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSo \u2026 how do I decide what to do?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cFind a quiet place where you can listen only to your own thoughts. You already know what you want to do. Now you have to let it find peace in your head and heart.\u201d<\/p>\n

He laughed. \u201cThat\u2019s a problem, Ma. There is no place or time when I\u2019m ever alone enough to listen.\u201d<\/p>\n

***<\/strong><\/p>\n

Ben efforts at falling asleep that night were fruitless. The conversation with his mother had served to strengthen both sides of his options. He assumed it was what she\u2019d intended. Her motives were kind in offering reassurance of Adam\u2019s care if he remained, yet reassuring him that he was a capable caregiver.<\/p>\n

His son slept soundly next to him, unaware of the turmoil roiling in his father\u2019s mind. The child\u2019s breathy snore from playing in the hayloft earlier broke the unaffected quiet his mother had spoken of needing to make a decision. How could he leave this sweet, amazing blessing\u2014this gift from Elizabeth\u2014behind? How would he go forward without hearing Adam\u2019s breath while asleep and seeing his glorious, soul-healing smile each day?<\/p>\n

But another part of his brain scolded him for the risk he\u2019d put this same child through. Was John more correct than he wanted to admit about his need to have his son along to look up to him? But if he didn\u2019t take him, how long would it really take to get out to the land nestled near a lake and a river on the eastern hillside of the Sierras? Even with the best of weather, a year would pass before he\u2019d reach the unclaimed land with pelt-animals, pastureland and virgin timber.<\/p>\n

A year didn\u2019t seem so long to leave Adam here \u2026. But that timeframe was a lie. It would take another year to begin trapping and build a shelter, and still another or two to set aside money to begin homesteading in earnest. Adam would be at least eight before he could even consider a reunion.<\/p>\n

Ben gently encircled his son with his arm, feeling the rhythm of his heart, and finally drifted to sleep \u2026 still facing the most important decision of his life.<\/p>\n

***<\/strong><\/p>\n

There was a huge negative and unforeseen effect to Ben\u2019s indecision. He\u2019d never had an option to go it alone for the cross-country travel, and rather than it giving him peace, it produced a headache! And with the departure closing in on him like a runaway wagon, he began to take his anxiety out on Adam.<\/p>\n

He grew short with boy, hoping to forestall any behavior that might add powder to John\u2019s arsenal of see what I\u2019ve been telling you<\/em> arsenal. Adam wasn\u2019t doing anything wrong, but Ben\u2019s myopic view made him see everything through a lens that magnified each \u201cimperfect\u201d response or action. The result was sadly predictable. The more he criticized Adam, the more confused and fearful the child became, until every expression and response \u201cappeared\u201d willful.<\/p>\n

The looming decision became even more complicated earlie when he\u2019d come home from planting to find Patricia holding Will and Adam, each at arm\u2019s length. She\u2019d looked up at him and snarled, \u201cThese boys broke a cheap figurine, and Will says Adam shoved him to the ground and started a fight when they disagreed over which one of them was responsible.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben apologized for Adam\u2019s role in the fracas, and then took his boy outside. He knelt on one knee to be at eye level, took Adam\u2019s hands, and gently asked, \u201cWhat really happened in there? Tell me the absolute truth.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWe took our wet shoes off at the door after spilling a pail of water in the barn, and walked through in our stocking feet. It left wet footprints on Aunt Patty\u2019s clean floor and she said to get our socks off before going anywhere else. After that she went out to get the wash off the lines, and Will rolled his socks off into a ball and tossed it at me. I ducked, so it missed me but it hit Aunt Patty\u2019s statue of that pretty lady. He said it was my fault for ducking.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhy\u2019d you knock him down?\u201d<\/p>\n

The little boy\u2019s eyes dropped to half-mast and he turned to show Ben his ripped pants and dirt encrusted fabric. \u201cI got scared and ran outside. Will chased me; shoved me down, sat on me and said I needed to help him hide the statue so his ma wouldn\u2019t even notice. Aunt Patty heard the thing break and came looking for us, so he told her I\u2019d knocked it down and then started a fight.\u201d He took a deep breath. \u201cBut only my pants are dirty, Pa. Will\u2019s pants are clean.\u201d<\/p>\n

The incident left Ben to wonder whether Adam would be picked on and blamed for everything if he stayed behind. On the other hand, he had stuck up for himself and Patty was fair\u2014not wearing the same blinders as John when it came to their boys\u2019 misbehavior. She would have listened to Adam and believed the same evidence and reasoning he used just now. \u00a0Overall, this seemed a solid indication that Adam was a full part of this family.<\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

Two days remained until departure, and Ben still hadn\u2019t told Adam that he might be staying behind, nor had he told his brother that he would take his son along. He didn\u2019t understand this paralyzing indecision. There had never before been a time, even when he\u2019d known how deeply he might he might affect or hurt someone, when he wasn\u2019t certain of his choice well before his final action.<\/p>\n

Once up and dressed, he asked Adam to sit with him on the bed before going in for breakfast. \u201cYou like it here, don\u2019t you?\u201d he asked, hoping for a rousing yes or no.<\/p>\n

\u201cI guess,\u201d Adam said before he shrugged and looked away.<\/p>\n

When he looked back at his father, Ben realized his astute youngster suspected exactly what his father\u2019s next words would be. Those usually bright, golden-brown eyes were dark, and he sighed so long, Ben pictured him deflating like a becalmed sail. \u00a0It left him unable to speak. \u201cWe\u2019ll talk more about this later,\u201d he said while grasping Adam\u2019s hand and leading him outside.<\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

His planned departure the following day found Ben up early to clean the wagon and place the stays and canvas. What should have been the happiest day in the last four years, was burdened by thoughts of holding Elizbeth\u2019s lifeless body while promising that he would always do right for their son. He\u2019d considered this the easiest promise he\u2019d ever made. But this stop in Ohio had made the \u201cright thing\u201d impossible to determine. His reservations about his <\/em>ability to properly raise Adam on the trail, wove with misgivings about John\u2019s motives in offering to keep Adam. Was this trip too dangerous for a child as John posited or was he undercutting his younger brother\u2019s confidence to get even for being the one left behind to assume responsibility. As the hour of his final decision approached, he had to wipe away those thoughts to believe that John was a good man, motivated only by concern and love.<\/p>\n

Absent any further discussion to confirm that he would stay behind, Adam was beside himself with excitement while helping to pack the wagon. As the room emptied, and the wagon filled, he came to his father with a questioning expression. \u201cDid you already pack my stuff, Pa? I can\u2019t find it.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben squatted and took Adam\u2019s shoulders. \u201cYour things are in your cousins\u2019 room. I have something very important to tell you, and I want you to listen before asking questions.\u201d<\/p>\n

The articulate, now five-year-old, looked directly into his father\u2019s eyes. \u201cYou\u2019re not taking me along, are you, Papa.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYour uncle and aunt think it best you remain here while I go ahead and get our new place built. It will be a hard trip out there and this way you can stay where you\u2019re safe with those who can take care of you better than I can.\u201d<\/p>\n

The child\u2019s eyes widened to saucers, and then his long lashes fluttered to his cheeks as the first silent tear escaped. \u201cNo one can take better care of me than you, Papa,\u201d he said through the hiccups of grief and betrayal. \u201cAnd besides; who\u2019s gonna take care of you if I\u2019m not there?\u201d<\/p>\n

His hands had tightened on the little boy\u2019s shoulders. \u201cIt\u2019ll just be a year, maybe two. You love Grandma, and if you leave now, you\u2019ll never \u2026. He realized he was treading too deep into muddy water, and backed away, saying only, \u201cYou\u2019ll enjoy the time with Grandma and John\u2019s family. You\u2019ll go to those parties and attend school where you\u2019ll meet even more friends. Traveling will be easier when you\u2019re older.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam pulled from his father\u2019s grip, rubbing his arms where he\u2019d been held a little too tightly. Words formed on his lips, but they dissolved like raindrops falling through dry air. His face turned to granite for a moment as he considered what he\u2019d just been told, before collapsing into agony. \u201cOh, Papa,\u201d he\u2019d finally screamed out. \u201cI wish we\u2019d never come here!\u201d<\/p>\n

He ran away, hiding in the hayloft until dinner, and trudged dutifully to his cousins\u2019 room at bedtime without saying goodnight.<\/p>\n

***<\/strong><\/p>\n

Ben had the team hitched to the small wagon before the rest of the Cartwrights were up the next morning, and jumped when he felt a hand on his back. He swung around to find his mother.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou gave me a start,\u201d he chuckled. \u201cDid you come out to say goodbye before the others?\u201d<\/p>\n

She wasted no time with unnecessary pleasantries. \u201cI respect your decision to leave Adam with us, Son. But judging from your faces last night at supper, neither of you are comfortable with this.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m not, Ma. But I don\u2019t want Adam to pay an ultimate price for my plans.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou don\u2019t really believe that.\u201d Her tone was soft, and her hand returned to gently grasp his arm.<\/p>\n

\u201cHonestly, Ma, I don\u2019t know what to believe. I always thought I was doing a good job with him, but \u2026 maybe I\u2019m not. Adam has to be so grown up when it\u2019s just the two of us. Here he gets to play and take lessons with you. He deserves to be a child.\u201d<\/p>\n

Her laugh rang out in the quiet morning air. \u201cAdam is a child in age only. He thinks and reasons better than most adults, watches what others do, and could probably run this farm if he was a little bigger. Have you considered that he does better with more<\/em> responsibility not less? You fear he can\u2019t be a child with you because he can\u2019t play childhood games or go to a regular school or church \u2026.\u201d<\/p>\n

She quieted and stroked her chin. \u201cChildhood is about growing up surrounded with love and purpose, not playing games. Adam adores you, and is every bit a child who will prosper in love and intelligence in your care because you adore him too. You will take the time to help him learn and strengthen his faith. You\u2019ll find other children for him to be with and encourage his active mind in a hundred ways each day.\u201d She stepped forward to embrace her son. \u201cYet, all those things do come with the worry of causing more harm than good. \u00a0So, Ben; If you\u2019re convinced it\u2019s best to leave Adam here, I will love and care for him in gratitude for the opportunity.\u201d<\/p>\n

She stepped back. \u201cI\u2019ll leave you to finish, son. \u00a0My last caution is that you take another moment to consider this decision from your heart, not from the doubts and fears others have planted in the fertile soil of your disquiet.\u201d<\/p>\n

***<\/strong><\/p>\n

Adam came outside with the others to say goodbye, but remained rigid when Ben lifted him for a final hug and reassurances that time would fly and they\u2019d be together soon. The look in his eyes changed from accusatory to lost as he pulled away and ran to bury himself in his grandmother\u2019s skirt.<\/p>\n

Not wanting to prolong the separation, he waved while offering his thanks, and slapped the reins to set the horses in motion. A sudden, sharp pain rippled across his chest as he drove from the yard, making him wonder if his heart was failing. It was \u2026 but not because of a physical dysfunction that would cause it to stop beating. This was pain associated with the absolute rending of his spirit. He\u2019d felt it the day Elizabeth had been laid to rest, and when he\u2019d received the letter about his father\u2019s death. It was the pain of utter loss. But what he faced this time, was that he hadn\u2019t really \u201clost\u201d something precious. This time, he\u2019d given it away.<\/p>\n

He\u2019d prayed so hard as he\u2019d contemplated this day, asking for insight\u2014a sign\u2014to let him know what to do. The answer seemed to have come in the constant litany of warnings from his brother, until he could only see how terrified Adam would become facing constant danger that melted the will and resolve of even seasoned adults. He\u2019d heard only the roar of admonitions that he was a selfish dreamer. It blew out the flame of his resolve, and completely silenced the reassuring voice that had always told him that he and Adam would accomplish their journey together or not at all.<\/p>\n

Over the last few weeks, He and John had brought several loads of stone from the river banks to fill the low spots in the driveway. The scree hadn\u2019t compacted yet, making his wagon wheels stick in the soft gravel like he was axle deep in mud. He glanced back after some minutes of slow progress, surprised to see an empty yard, reinforcing the fact that he was now truly on his own.<\/p>\n

Finally reaching the main road, he pulled on the left reins to turn the team west, and gave a solid slap to their rumps to get them up the last small rise and around the corner. Rather than responding, both horses stopped. He snapped the reins again, less aggressively this time and clicked his tongue encouragingly.<\/p>\n

When they remained statue-like, he jumped down and inspected their feet, suspecting loose stones had gotten stuck in their hooves to cause discomfort. All eight feet were fine, and with no obvious reason for their noncooperation, he finally grabbed their halters and tugged. The horses lowered their heads and leaned back in resistance.<\/p>\n

Ben had always found these two animals accommodating and easy to handle, and their current behavior left him flummoxed. Unsure what to try next, he climbed back to the driver\u2019s seat and tried another snap of the reins and a loud verbal charge to get moving.<\/p>\n

The wagon and horses remained frozen in place.<\/p>\n

Then, amid the blessed silence of nature, absent the voices of others telling him what he \u201cshould\u201d do; he heard it. The phenomenon couldn\u2019t have been more dramatic if a lightning bolt had exploded in his vicinity, yet his answer came in a soft voice he recognized. There was no accusation, only understanding of what he\u2019d faced trying to do the best for \u201ctheir\u201d son. The voice was loving, reassuring him that he was equal to any task he took on. Elizabeth\u2019s laugh in his thoughts, was so real it made him shiver. It was followed by her assertion that the horses wouldn\u2019t move until he decided\u2014without any other influence\u2014what was best for Adam.<\/p>\n

He inhaled deeply, and finally exhaled. It was a simple function he hadn\u2019t been able to fully accomplish for some time now, and the fresh influx of air left him alert and full of vigor. He jumped from the wagon and ran the quarter-mile back to the farm while reciting a litany of thanks for the moment of grace that had just occurred.<\/p>\n

The yard was deserted, but he heard young voices inside the barn and quietly made his way there to listen.<\/p>\n

\u201cLookit the crybaby!\u201d It was the Junior\u2019s voice. \u201cYour Pa\u2019s gone, crybaby, and he\u2019s never coming back for you. Our Pa knew he\u2019d do that. Who\u2019d want to keep such a smart-aleck around anyway!.\u201d<\/p>\n

Will\u2019s voice rose next. \u201cYou know he ain\u2019t a bad kid, Junior. He ain\u2019t even a smart-aleck; he\u2019s just smart, and you\u2019re mad because he knows more\u2019n you. The poor kid\u2019s missin\u2019 his pa, just like we would if it was our pa who had to leave us behind a while.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben heard Junior\u2019s snort.<\/p>\n

\u201cI guess you\u2019re right, Will, \u2018ceptin\u2019 for the part where you think he knows more\u2019n me. C\u2019mon, Adam, we\u2019ll all get our chores done and then go fishing.\u201d<\/p>\n

The conversation ended as Ben heard a broom moving along the rough floor, and the hinges on the feed box squeak as the lid was raised. Adam remained silent and he pictured the little boy trying to control his emotions both at the abandonment, and perhaps even over the kindness his cousins had managed to show. Ben was about to enter the barn when his brother exited the house.<\/p>\n

\u201cThat was a short trip,\u201d he\u2019d said in a teasing tone as he neared. \u201cAre you having trouble with the wagon?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo,\u201d he replied. \u201cI forgot something.\u201d\u00a0 The sound of their voices brought Will and Junior outside, but Adam stopped just inside the door with only his curly dark hair visible past the edge.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s good you remembered before you got too far away! What\u2019d you forget?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI forgot to say a few things, John, like thanking you for all the advice you gave me. But I also forgot to tell you that while I might be considered a horrible father for what I\u2019ve got planned, it is my decision alone as to what\u2019s best for Adam, and it\u2019s based on everything we\u2019ve accomplished together so far. Every parent makes mistakes. Sometimes we\u2019re too strict and other times not strict enough. It takes balance and courage to direct our children towards living good lives filled with faith and reason. I can\u2019t allow you to take that responsibility from me.\u201d<\/p>\n

He\u2019d glanced back at the barn door. \u201cBut what I truly forgot \u2026 is Adam. Without him, my life will feel like a ship without a rudder or a sky without sun or stars to direct my course. Nothing I do will be right or good unless he\u2019s next to me. What I need from you, John, is not to raise my son or remind me of the strong hot winds that will blow against us, but for you and your family to pray for that wind to be at our backs as we find our new home.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam charged from the barn, and with only a large smile directed towards his father, he ran towards the house. When he exited a minute later, he was carrying a pillowcase stuffed with his few belongings, and tugging his grandmother by her hand. He stopped and handed Ben the sack. \u201cI\u2019m ready, Pa.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI want you to say goodbye to your cousins, and thank your aunt and uncle for being so good to you.\u201d<\/p>\n

With Adam making the rounds, John shook his head and directed his quiet comment to Ben in a disparaging tone, \u201cYou\u2019ll regret this one day soon, and it will be too late.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThere will be hard days, John, but never regret over them. You\u2019re a good and honorable man who\u2019s committed to this farm and your family. I admire you, and if I were a different man, I could have driven away today without a look backwards. I\u2019m not that man.\u201d<\/p>\n

His mother moved closer once John left to stand with Patty to say goodbye to Adam. Her smile was knowing. \u201cWhat made you come back, son?\u201d<\/p>\n

He grinned. \u201cWhy do I suspect that you and my wife had something to do with the fact that the horses stopped, giving me time to think. I saw clearly that I\u2019d made the wrong decision.\u201d Her laughter made him ask, \u201cWhat\u2019s so funny?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cPrayers get answered so well sometimes.\u201d Her chuckle returned. \u201cI\u2019d prayed that you not be allowed to leave until you had a chance to think with no one else butting in.\u201d<\/p>\n

He\u2019d bent to her cheek, leaving a last kiss, and whispering his thanks. \u201cBetween you and Elizabeth storming heaven, I could only make the right decision. Thank you.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben offered his thanks and goodbyes a last time before slinging the pillowcase over his shoulder. He took Adam\u2019s hand as they began the long walk to the waiting wagon.<\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

It took a gentle nudge this time to get the horses moving.<\/p>\n

He pulled the little boy closer on the bench as the team turned onto the road and settled into a steady pace. \u201cAre you mad at me?\u201d<\/p>\n

A quick shake of his head was followed by Adam snuggling in and looking up into his father\u2019s eyes. \u201cAfter you left, Grandma said to get my pillowcase packed, leave it by the door and then do my chores.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cDid she say why you should do that?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cGrandma said you\u2019d be back. I told her I knew that, but it would be a long time. She just laughed.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m sorry I made you so sad. This was never what I wanted. I let others make me doubt how strong you and I are together. I will never do that again.\u201d Their separation had lasted an instant, but he knew it must have seemed an eternity to his child.<\/p>\n

Adam\u2019s forgiveness was instantaneous, but came with a question. \u201cWere Uncle John and Aunt Patty mad at you cuz I was being bad, Pa?\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben stopped the wagon and pulled Adam to his lap. \u201cYou weren\u2019t bad, and we both did the best we could. \u00a0It\u2019s just that Uncle John and Aunt Patricia can\u2019t understand us wanting to go so far away to find a new home. It scared them, so they only saw the danger instead of the excitement we feel. They were sincere in offering to give you a safe and normal life.\u201d He smiled at his son. \u201cWhat they couldn\u2019t see, and what I lost track of, is that this is a normal life for us, and we\u2019re happy. The Cartiwrights together \u2026 \u201d Ben said with a wink.<\/p>\n

Adam winked back and finished their motto. \u201cForever!\u201d<\/p>\n

The expression on the little boy\u2019s face turned serious as he laid his head on his father\u2019s chest. \u201cI was so glad to see you outside the barn,\u201d he admitted. \u201cUntil I heard you tell Uncle John you forgot me, I felt like I had a hole in me somewhere, and everything inside me was leaking out of it.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben sighed heavily, amazed at Adam\u2019s accurate description of how he\u2019d felt as well. He tipped the boy\u2019s chin up to see his eyes reflecting gold and amber in the sun. \u201cI can\u2019t promise that the next year will be easy or without times that are scary for both of us. I also can\u2019t promise that I won\u2019t ever make a mistake or that things won\u2019t change from time-to-time. But I do promise that we can get through everything, because our best life is what we make together.\u201d<\/p>\n

He set Adam on the bench next to him again. \u201cI promise you will be with me until you decide to go out on your own, son. I will find you when you\u2019re lost, keep you as safe as possible, and make your life normal, but always exciting.\u201d<\/p>\n

>>>>>>>>>>>><<<<<<<<<<<<<\/p>\n

Eight<\/strong><\/p>\n

Ben was startled when he heard the door across from his room open, followed by Richard giving a hearty greeting. The response came from Adam, who must have arrived home while Ben had been lost in his memories. \u00a0He rewrapped the rattle and stowed it in the dresser while listening to the conversation in the hall, absolving himself of eavesdropping in thinking it best not to interrupt.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019re Adam!\u201d Richard said with enthusiasm. You\u2019ve changed some since you were in Boston, but not so much I wouldn\u2019t recognize you. Do you remember meeting me?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou were captain of the Wanderer. Captain \u2026 Wagner?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s it, boy! I bring greetings from your grandfather.\u201d He chuckled. \u201cI think I surprised your father pretty good by showing up here.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m sure he\u2019s most pleased. Listen,\u201d he said to forestall more details. \u201cI came through the kitchen and Hop Sing has issued his orders. In this house, he is the captain. He knows we\u2019ll want to gather for a drink before dinner, so he\u2019s declared 45-minutes before he wants us at the table. Any failure to follow his orders is considered mutiny.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ll respect his authority over this vessel. Just tell me where and when to report.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cMy brothers just arrived, so they\u2019ll be heading up to change too. Let\u2019s meet downstairs in ten-minutes.\u201d<\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

Ben heard Richard\u2019s agreement and the door closing, followed by a soft knock at his. \u201cCome in.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHi, Pa.\u201d Adam greeted him with a smile as he stepped inside. \u201cHop Sing told me we had a surprise guest from Boston. He also said you\u2019d been upstairs a while and thought you might have dozed off. You probably heard me tell Captain Wagner that we\u2019ve been summoned to the main deck.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben returned the smile. \u201cI wasn\u2019t sleeping, just lost in thought. It seems you remember Richard?<\/p>\n

A nod. \u201cWe\u2019d meet him at a pub when he was in port so Abel could hear about his latest voyage. Their favorite pastime was regaling me with tales of harrowing adventures.\u201d Adam tugged at his ear as though pulling forth more memories. \u201cNow and then Captain Wagner would bring up a story about serving with you, but Grandfather always gave him an obvious signal to hold back. I admit wondering what Abel didn\u2019t want me to hear.\u201d He chuckled. \u201cMaybe tonight you two can tell those stories without censorship.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI hate to disappoint you, Adam. Richard and I intended to get off deck duty into command, so we were careful about our behavior \u2026 on and off the boat. Our stories are interesting or maybe funny, but there\u2019s nothing embarrassing.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam\u2019s brow lifted as his cheek rose. \u201cYou said you\u2019ve been thinking. Were you remembering your days on the ship?\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben\u2019s head moved side-to-side. \u201cNo, Richard asked me a question.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThat must have been some question.\u201d Adam laughed. \u201cMay I ask what it was or are you saving it for tonight?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThe question was about you \u2026 or more so about me in regards to you.\u201d Ben sat on the edge of his bed. \u00a0\u201cRichard was a good friend in those early years and took over the Wanderer around the time you were born and your grandfather took over the chandlery. Next to your mother and Abel, he was my biggest supporter when I decided to leave the service and seek a legacy on land.\u201d<\/p>\n

He shot Adam a pained smile. \u201cToday he confessed that he\u2019d wondered how I\u2019d manage. \u00a0He prayed for our success, but admitted that he, like most of those gossiping in the pubs, were certain I\u2019d be back.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBut you surprised them all. Maybe yourself the most?\u201d Adam winked while leaning back against the dresser.<\/p>\n

\u201cMaybe a little,\u201d he admitted. \u201cAnyway, after marveling about what we\u2019ve built on the Ponderosa, Richard mentioned that he recalled I had family in Ohio, and wondered if I\u2019d maybe left you with them for a while to go ahead and get this place started. \u00a0Correspondence was infrequent back then, and Abel never gave him any details about the trip. He hadn\u2019t wanted to ask you either, but after seeing the ranch, he wondered again how I could get it going with a youngster in tow.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam nodded. \u201cIt was unheard of for a father to do what you did. I can only imagine how much I slowed you down, and then we had Hoss too. But you never let me feel that I was a burden.\u201d Adam became silent as one particular memory took shape. They seldom spoke about Ohio, other than when a situation sparked a recollection, and at Adam\u2019s age now, he remembered only bits and pieces. Once they\u2019d left John\u2019s place, their life had gotten full fast. He did remember getting an illness that had made him miserable and they\u2019d stopped for a rest and a job in southern Illinois. That was where a beautiful blonde shopkeeper with the biggest blue eyes had stepped in to help and stole both of their hearts. \u00a0\u201cAnything particular about our trip that had you thinking, Pa?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHow much do you recall from those days with Uncle John?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cA little about my cousins, but you told me it would prepare me for having brothers one day.\u201d He smiled softly. \u201cI can\u2019t remember Grandma\u2019s face anymore, but I recall her voice and that I always felt safe with her.\u201d Pushing off from the dresser, he straightened and took a step closer. \u201cYou would never have left me there, Pa.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHow\u2019d you know that for sure?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI wasn\u2019t sure about it at the time, but someone told me not to worry.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThat was your grandmother.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cShe did, but someone else did too …. or maybe I just dreamt it, like I did last year when I had that fever. Then I was on a clipper ship stuck in a dark, calmed sea. I got better when I felt a cooling breeze against my skin as the ship broke through into daylight. Someone next to me at the rail told me everything was fine, and then to look up because there was a cloud that resembled an elephant.\u201d Adam sighed. \u201cIt\u2019s interesting what our minds create during stressful times.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou are fortunate, son. You had your mother in Heaven, and your grandmother on earth watching over you in Ohio. They knew I didn\u2019t want to leave without you, and made sure I couldn\u2019t.\u00a0 Since then, Grandma joined Elizabeth and we\u2019ve added Inger and Marie to those looking over us. It\u2019s our great blessing.<\/p>\n

Adam met his father\u2019s eyes and nodded, allowing a moment of silence to linger. \u00a0\u201cWe should get moving. You\u2019ll need to resume your role as host, and I\u2019ll join you as soon as I change.\u201d He approached the door and stopped with his hand on the knob. \u201cWhen I came out of that fever, you told me that memories are precious things, ready for us when we need them. I don\u2019t remember many details from those early years, Pa, but what I do recall is all good. I had a one-of-a-kind childhood, and except for losing Inger on the way, I wouldn\u2019t change a thing.\u201d<\/p>\n

Nine<\/strong><\/p>\n

Hoss turned a heavy-laden spoonful of mashed potatoes onto his plate, while asking their guest, \u201cDid you and Pa start out with Captain Stoddard at the same time?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cPretty near,\u201d Richard offered. \u201cBen was on board a little sooner than I was, but we sailed our first voyage together as deck swabs and galley swampers.\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe laughed. \u201cI always imagined Pa climbing the masts setting sails.\u201d He looked towards his father. \u201cIs Captain Wagner saying you cleaned the floors and kitchen?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThere had to be a starting point, Joe.\u201d Ben grinned and shook his head. \u201cAbel knew I had nothing to offer him other than a willingness to learn. Richard was equally unprepared, but Captain Stoddard gave us a chance to prove our mettle.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben\u2019s gaze drifted to places unseen as he sighed. \u201cOur first days on the Wanderer were spent in port getting it shipshape. Besides the constant work, Abel taught us how the ship worked, and gave us many lessons in following orders. Once on the sea, he gave us a taste of being a sailor, but we were still so green behind the ears, our efforts were often more bumbling than helpful.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWe were a little green around the gills at first too, as I recall.\u201d Richard dipped his forkful of roast into the well of gravy in his mashed potatoes, and chewed. \u201cYour pa and I spent a lot of time bent over the rails.\u201d He reached to his right and nudged Ben. \u201cBoth of us lost weight until we got our sea legs.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben chuckled. \u201cIt took a long time before I could handle the motion, and back then we didn\u2019t have the padding we do now. We were skinny as belaying pins.\u201d<\/p>\n

The meal took a more interesting turn as Richard began revealing more about \u201cBen-Ja-Min\u201d Cartwright from their early days together, including some of their shenanigans, like running a shipmate\u2019s netherwear up a mast after he\u2019d gotten so inebriated in port, they\u2019d had to carry him aboard.<\/p>\n

As the laughter died, Joe winked at his brothers. \u201cSo, did Pa have a girl in every port until he married Adam\u2019s mama?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The End<\/strong><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

1 <\/sup>Adam was abducted by a couple in my story In the Child\u2019s Best Interest<\/em>.<\/p>\n

My thanks to whomever posted the picture of young Adam in the gallery. I’m not good with pictures and always hope there’s something I can use.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Summary: An unexpected visit from an old Boston shipmate, and the question he asks, prompts\u00a0 Ben to think back to a time when he’d visited his brother with Adam, the winter before leaving for Missouri to join a wagon train west. Their stay had provided some great family times, while also pointing towards many obstacles Ben had never considered. It had finally prompted the biggest decision of his life.\u00a0<\/p>\n

Rating: G<\/p>\n

Word Count: 15626<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":82,"featured_media":13439,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"template-full-width-post.php","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_members_access_role":[],"_members_access_error":""},"categories":[1016,23,30],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-37312","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-adam-pa","category-drama","category-prequels","wpcat-1016-id","wpcat-23-id","wpcat-30-id"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/10\/Young-Adam.png?fit=212%2C231&ssl=1","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/37312","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/82"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=37312"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/37312\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/13439"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=37312"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=37312"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=37312"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}