{"id":37598,"date":"2021-10-23T21:51:00","date_gmt":"2021-10-24T01:51:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=37598"},"modified":"2025-09-25T15:38:29","modified_gmt":"2025-09-25T19:38:29","slug":"never-again-by-harpistforhim","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=37598","title":{"rendered":"Never Again (by HarpistforHim)"},"content":{"rendered":"

Summary: Ben\u2019s guilt-ridden slump during the Prime of Life unearths painful memories for his oldest son. Despite this, the boys try their hardest to meet the contract deadline on their own. In the end, it\u2019s up to Hoss to make sure his older brother gets back on the right track again. A WHIB\/WHN for The Prime of Life.
\nRating: G
\n<\/span>Word Count: 7,380<\/span>
\n<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The Never Again Series<\/strong>
\nNever Again<\/a>
\nA Father\u2019s Promise<\/a><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Author\u2019s Note: While writing this story, I forgot a few details of the episode that now don\u2019t match up with what\u2019s written below. The biggest error is the fact that I wrote Joe into the first scene in Hoss\u2019 POV when the episode shows that he was actually with Adam at the time, not Hoss. The scene wouldn\u2019t have worked the same if I went back and fixed it, so I kept it as is. Despite this, I hope you enjoy!<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Never Again<\/strong><\/p>\n


\nOne day, Pa was going to die.<\/span><\/p>\n

Adam had accepted this long ago. Inger had been the first to introduce him to Life\u2019s unexpected fatalities, and after Marie, he had learned that Death waited for no one. It was simply a fact of life. At some point or another, everyone would die, no matter how hard Adam fought to keep them alive.<\/span><\/p>\n

One day, the great Ponderosa would belong solely to the Cartwright brothers. By that time, Adam hoped to be halfway across the country\u2014or perhaps even the world. All that land\u2014the barn, the ranch\u2014was meant to belong to Hoss, who couldn\u2019t fathom leaving home for any sort of lengthy trip, and certainly never for good. Or even Joe, who would thrive on a more distant portion of the family spread where he could raise children of his own.<\/span><\/p>\n

One day, Pa would pass away and bequeath to his sons the glorious Ponderosa. Adam knew this all-too-well. He just never thought his father would die with so much breath still left in his body. With his eyes wide open and his skin still warm.<\/span><\/p>\n

Adam never thought the famous Ben Cartwright would die with his heart still beating like a restless drum. Not again.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cFrom now on, the Ponderosa belongs to the three of you. You run it any way you see fit.\u201d<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

As he rode back to the worksite, too long abandoned by its leaders, the words still plagued him like a virus that had no known cure. Flashes of unwanted memories attacked his mind with a vengeance. They were too similar. <\/span>Far too similar\u2026<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

A terrible accident. A dying parent.<\/span><\/p>\n

And another lost to his own prison of guilt and grief.<\/span><\/p>\n

Three boys left to run the ranch alone. Abandoned; looked straight through as if they didn\u2019t even exist.<\/span><\/p>\n

Only this time, Adam wasn\u2019t seventeen. This time, he had much more help than a twelve- and five-year-old could give.<\/span><\/p>\n

This time, they were ready. They were strong. They were independent.<\/span><\/p>\n

This time<\/span><\/i>, it shouldn\u2019t have hurt as much.<\/span><\/p>\n

Yet, this time felt no different than when Ben had spiraled after Marie\u2019s death. And maybe<\/span> this time hurt so much more because it shouldn\u2019t even be happening in the first place.<\/span><\/p>\n

Pa had promised all those years ago. He had <\/span>promised.<\/span><\/i> That\u2019s why the situation cut so deeply.<\/span><\/p>\n

There was never supposed to be a next time.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

And yet, it was happening all over again. At least <\/span>this time,<\/span><\/i> Ben hadn\u2019t run off to escape his problems in a completely different state.<\/span><\/p>\n

Adam didn\u2019t need to glance over his shoulder to know Joe and Hoss were lagging behind. Yet, somehow, he couldn\u2019t fault them for it. Neither particularly wanted to reach the worksite, and if Adam were to take even a second to be honest with himself, he didn\u2019t either.<\/span><\/p>\n

Their arrival would make things seem too real. It would solidify the fact that they were now the only ones keeping this contract afloat.<\/span><\/p>\n

Adam grit his teeth until the pressure did more than just sting. Maybe he could distract himself with the pain. <\/span>Never known you to be one to break a promise, Pa. Or a contract.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

He\u2019d seen guilt change folks in many different ways, but in all his years, not once did he think he\u2019d see the day when his father would bury himself alive.<\/span><\/p>\n

Sure, Pa was there, and yet he wasn\u2019t. Adam could see him plain as day, but he wasn\u2019t the same man. The one Adam had always looked up to and respected.<\/span><\/p>\n

The one he admired.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cAdam?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

With a start, he offered Joe a sidelong glance. In his dark musings, he hadn\u2019t even heard his brother ride up.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYou think\u2026 Well, do you think Pa\u2019s really serious about this? Giving us the Ponderosa?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Adam forced a smile he hoped came off as reassuring. \u201cHe\u2019s just going through a bit of a rough spell, Joe. He\u2019ll come back to himself soon, you\u2019ll see.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

You\u2019ll see\u2026<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

It was a bitter lie, but Joe seemed to believe it. <\/span>For now.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

\u201cYou really think so?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

I don\u2019t know.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

Yet, Adam nodded despite his misgivings.<\/span><\/p>\n

Joe seemed to relax a bit after that, stirring up Adam\u2019s pot of inner turmoil even more. As the eldest, he\u2019d told his fair share of falsehoods to his younger brothers. Often out of necessity so as to spare them from heartache, but sometimes, when he was younger, he\u2019d lied out of selfishness. <\/span>Hasn\u2019t everyone?<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

At the moment, as Joe sighed in relief, Adam couldn\u2019t tell if this particular lie had stemmed from one or the other. Perhaps both necessity and selfishness had driven the words out of his mouth, and maybe just a bit of guilt on the side.<\/span><\/p>\n

Because he should\u2019ve pushed harder back at the ranch. He should\u2019ve made his father see reason. <\/span>Somehow.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

Somehow, he should\u2019ve stopped it before it all began. He\u2019d noticed the tell-tale signs of Pa pushing himself too hard, and in turn, pushing everyone else.<\/span><\/p>\n

Should\u2019ve spoken up sooner. Before\u2026<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

The camp came into view at last, derailing Adam\u2019s toxic train of thought. Beside him, Joe sucked in a breath. <\/span>And rightly so.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

What few men there were to be seen lounged around, toiling away at nothing but their own aimlessness.<\/span><\/p>\n

And so it begins.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

\u201cWhat\u2019s going on here?\u201d Adam inquired before dismounting and directing his steps toward the foreman.<\/span><\/p>\n

The man had been rather ornery ever since he\u2019d signed on. More so once Pa\u2019s own mood had started its downhill slide. Even now, he looked Adam over with that \u201ctry me\u201d attitude only Pa could seem to defuse.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cBreak time,\u201d came the foreman\u2019s answer.<\/span><\/p>\n

Adam merely raised a brow. \u201cAt one-thirty? I wasn\u2019t aware it took that long to finish lunch.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWell.\u201d The man heaved a sigh that sounded a bit too self-satisfied for Adam\u2019s tastes. \u201cWe extended it a little on account of not knowing when your Pa was coming back. Where is he?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cHe\u2019s not here.\u201d Adam locked glares with the man, voice calm; unshakable. \u201cI am. Now, you\u2019ve had your break. That\u2019s fine. But we\u2019re all going to get back to work. In case you haven\u2019t noticed, we\u2019re on a deadline. Do we understand each other?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

The foreman made a show of taking his time as he hooked his thumbs on his belt. In the end, however, he nodded. \u201cSure, Mr. Cartwright. Whatever you say.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cGood.\u201d Raising himself to his full height, Adam nodded at his brothers. In a silent show of authority, they continued to make their way toward the main awning.<\/span><\/p>\n

Everything was just how they\u2019d left it. Papers strewn across the desk in a classic display of organized chaos, tools abandoned, maps half folded. Pa hadn\u2019t given the little hub a second thought after the accident.<\/span><\/p>\n

The accident. <\/span><\/i>Adam pursed his lips, crossing his arms as he surveyed the scene. <\/span>That\u2019s all it was, Pa: an accident.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

Wasn\u2019t it?<\/span><\/i> Ben\u2019s failure to use the right safety precautions had led to the incident, sure, but the cable could\u2019ve broken at any time. <\/span>It could\u2019ve all been fine. Or it could\u2019ve killed anyone.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

This new thought nearly stopped Adam\u2019s heart. <\/span>That log could\u2019ve killed anyone.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

And Hoss had been standing right there.<\/span><\/p>\n

Steeling himself against a sudden wave of nausea, he strode forward. Someone had to make sense of it all, and it was the unspoken rule that in their father\u2019s absence, Adam took charge as second in command.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cAll right,\u201d he began with a small sigh. \u201cI\u2019ll sort things out here and see where we are.\u201d <\/span>See how far behind schedule we got\u2026 <\/span><\/i>\u201cWhy don\u2019t you two go back to your own posts.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Joe and Hoss exchanged a look, one Adam was too overwhelmed to try to decipher.<\/span><\/p>\n

Hoss spoke up first. \u201cSeems like we can be doing more than we were when\u2026 Well, when Pa was here.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cHoss is right.\u201d Joe began to fiddle with his hat. \u201cI was just chopping down trees before.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Adam could feel a fresh headache lurking at the back of his mind, waiting for its chance to strike. \u201cThen you can go back to chopping trees.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cBut don\u2019t we already have enough of those? Like Hoss said, it seems we can be doing something more important.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Fighting to keep his temper in check, Adam studied his brothers. \u201cI don\u2019t know yet. As I said, I won\u2019t know where we are until I can make sense of this mess.\u201d When neither replied, he heaved a sigh. \u201cAll right. What do <\/span>you<\/span><\/i> want to do?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Now Joe was fidgeting like a sinner in church, but Adam couldn\u2019t bring himself to care. It shouldn\u2019t be this difficult. Not this early on, at least. <\/span>I shouldn\u2019t have to pry it out of them. There shouldn\u2019t be this long back and forth.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

Back and forth\u2026\u00a0<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

\u201cSeems to me,\u201d Hoss began, his expression ever thoughtful, \u201cwe should be working on hooking up the teams so we can get some of these logs out of here. I reckon that\u2019s about where we were at when Pa was here.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cFine. You two go see about the horses and I\u2019ll\u2014\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cGet things sorted out so we can see where we are.\u201d Joe slapped his hat back on his head with a grin. \u201cYeah. We know.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Despite his nagging irritation, Adam found himself returning the smile. \u201cWell, at least now we understand each other.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cHey,\u201d Hoss said, flashing his own grin as things finally started to come together, \u201cdon\u2019t you worry \u2018bout a thing, Adam. You sort things out up here, and me and Joe\u2019ll sort things out with the teams.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYeah,\u201d Joe added, \u201cand with any luck, we\u2019ll have everything ready to go when Pa comes back.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Right.<\/span><\/i> Though the words put a damper on his rising mood, Adam forced his expression to remain neutral. <\/span>When Pa comes back.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

Sure.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

As Joe and Hoss made their easy retreat, Adam mentally prepared himself for the task ahead. That new block had arrived while they were fussing around at the ranch. He supposed someone would need to get to replacing the rigging if they were ever going to continue where they left off.<\/span><\/p>\n

Where we left off\u2026<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

Adam slammed his eyes shut at the memory of Gabe.<\/span><\/p>\n

Of Pa.<\/span><\/p>\n

With a heavy sigh, he collapsed onto the stool and massaged his temples. <\/span>Oh, Pa\u2026<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

~*~*~*~<\/span><\/p>\n

Everything had been going fine. They had finally settled into a pattern of doing things. Granted, that pattern hadn\u2019t included Ben, who still moped about the ranch like a man on the brink of death, but they\u2019d managed well enough without him.<\/span><\/p>\n

Yet, as Adam rubbed his freshly bruised jaw\u2014a vain attempt to wipe away the pain\u2014he began to think that maybe they hadn\u2019t been as well off as he\u2019d originally thought.<\/span><\/p>\n

Apparently \u201cwell enough\u201d isn\u2019t good enough.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

He should\u2019ve known about the teams before anyone even set foot on the Ponderosa to take them away. Somehow, he should\u2019ve <\/span>known.<\/span><\/i> Maybe Hoss was right.<\/span><\/i> Adam gave Sport a brief pat before mounting. <\/span>If I was <\/span><\/i>really<\/i><\/b> the boss, I would\u2019ve known.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

Pa<\/i><\/b> would\u2019ve known.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

From his perch atop Cochise, Joe blew out a sigh that sounded as frustrated as Adam felt. \u201c<\/span>Now<\/span><\/i> how are we gonna get those teams back?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Setting his jaw, Adam threw one last glare toward the hotel. \u201cWe\u2019re not.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWhat?\u201d Joe fired back. \u201cWe’ve gotta get those teams back! Are you really gonna let a lowdown, dirty thief like Fuller get away with\u2014\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI said we\u2019re not! You heard him just as well as I did. He has legal right to those teams.\u201d Swallowing a sigh, Adam looked to Hoss for support. For once, his rock was silent. \u201cThere\u2019s nothing we can do.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cBut Adam,\u201d Joe continued, \u201chow\u2019re we gonna\u2014?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t know!\u201d He hadn\u2019t meant to snap; hadn\u2019t meant to shout. They\u2019d all been doing enough of that lately. Forcing his usual steady calm back into his voice, Adam shook his head. \u201cI don\u2019t know. Not yet. But I\u2019ll figure it out.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

I\u2019ll have to.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

At long last, Hoss spoke up, offering those simple reassurances Adam could always count on. \u201cWe all will. There ain\u2019t one of us that\u2019s in this thing alone. It\u2019s together or nothin\u2019, and I dunno about you two, but I ain\u2019t figuring on having nothin\u2019.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWell,\u201d Joe began, his tone having lost all its previous fire, \u201ctogether it is, then. I mean, what else do we have?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

The words struck Adam to the very core. Because they were true. They didn\u2019t have Pa. <\/span>Not this time.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

Just each other.<\/span><\/p>\n

And that\u2019s got to be enough.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

Please, God, <\/span><\/i>he prayed as they started their journey home, <\/span>let it be enough.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

Fuller had been right all along: they were in trouble. And despite the reassurance from Hoss, Adam still felt like it was his job to get them out of it. It had always been his job to get them out of trouble. Only, this time, he didn\u2019t have Ben to back him up.<\/span><\/p>\n

If only we could change his mind. Make him see reason.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

Adam scoffed. He\u2019d just as soon see Fuller willingly return their stolen teams than see his father back at the worksite.<\/span><\/p>\n

Supper that night met all Adam\u2019s expectations\u2014and exceeded none of them. Pa was his same old dismal self, listening only half-heartedly as they recounted their tale of woe.<\/span><\/p>\n

Barney Fuller.<\/span><\/p>\n

The stolen teams.<\/span><\/p>\n

A very <\/span>abbreviated <\/span><\/i>version of their trip into Virginia city\u2026<\/span><\/p>\n

Ben didn\u2019t seem to care about any of it.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

He passed along a few words of wisdom regarding Fuller, but other than that\u2026<\/span><\/p>\n

Well, the packet returned from Mrs. Fletcher with the money still inside. Every dollar untouched. After that, Pa made his way upstairs, the clunk of his cane against the floor driving a merciless barrage of needles through Adam\u2019s spine.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t get it.\u201d From where Adam sat in his chair near the fireplace, Joe looked to be mere inches away from committing murder\u2014most likely Pa\u2019s or Fuller\u2019s. \u201cHow can he just sit there and act like everything\u2019s fine and dandy?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

The hour was late and Adam could only shrug. \u201cMaybe it is, to him.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Hoss just shook his head, ever the thoughtful one. \u201cOr maybe, he\u2019s tryin\u2019 to fool himself into thinkin\u2019 it is.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYeah, well, the only fools I see are the ones hanging around this settee.\u201d Pushing himself to his feet, Adam stretched and stifled a yawn. \u201cCome on, we won\u2019t be worth much tomorrow if we don\u2019t get some sleep.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cBut what about the teams?\u201d came Joe\u2019s inevitable protest. \u201cWe have to figure that out before tomorrow.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWell, I haven\u2019t stopped thinking about it yet and neither should you.\u201d The smallest of smiles was the best Adam could offer and he prayed it didn\u2019t look more like a grimace. \u201cWe\u2019ll brainstorm over breakfast tomorrow.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cIf you say so.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI do, thank you very much. Now, I want you both to get as much sleep as you can. Boss\u2019 orders.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Joe cracked a tired grin. \u201cYes, sir.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cDon\u2019t have to tell me twice,\u201d Hoss yawned.<\/span><\/p>\n

Maybe a good night\u2019s rest was what they needed. Tomorrow, they could figure everything out with fresh eyes and clear heads.<\/span><\/p>\n

Only, sleep wouldn\u2019t come that night. Instead, Adam\u2019s mind raced.<\/span><\/p>\n

What if their father never snapped out of it? What if they were forced to live out the rest of their days with this new guilt-ridden Ben? <\/span>What if this is the new normal?<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

What then?<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

What then, indeed.<\/span><\/p>\n

It was a question he didn\u2019t know the answer to simply because he couldn\u2019t think that far ahead. He didn\u2019t <\/span>want <\/span><\/i>to think that far ahead.<\/span><\/p>\n

The trestle. Finish the trestle first.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

Right.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

When the trestle was finished, <\/span>then<\/span><\/i> he could think about Pa. <\/span>Then<\/span><\/i> he could think in the long-term.<\/span><\/p>\n

Until that time came, for the preservation of his already fraying mind, Adam wouldn\u2019t dwell on the future. He wouldn\u2019t <\/span>let <\/span><\/i>himself dwell on it.<\/span><\/p>\n

Not now.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

Not until the trestle\u2019s done.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

And who knows,<\/span><\/i> his musings went on as sleep continued its vain quest to claim him, <\/span>maybe Pa will snap out of it on his own.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

Sure. All on his own.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

It was a fool\u2019s thought. A sarcastic fool\u2019s thought. And yet, it came with a small shred of hope.<\/span><\/p>\n

Maybe Ben would come back to them after all.<\/span><\/p>\n

And if he doesn\u2019t?<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

What then?<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

Adam shut his eyes against the intrusive thoughts. He couldn\u2019t think about that yet.<\/span><\/p>\n

Not if he wanted to keep his sanity.<\/span><\/p>\n

~*~*~*~<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWe\u2019re going to use our horses.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam\u2019s declaration was so straightforward, Joe almost thought he was joking.<\/span><\/p>\n

Almost.<\/span><\/p>\n

It had become very clear in the recent days, however, that this was no laughing matter.<\/span><\/p>\n

Hoss spoke up while Joe made attempt after vain attempt to wrap his head around Adam\u2019s words. \u201cYou mean the ranch horses?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cBut Adam,\u201d Joe said at last, his brow furrowed, \u201cthose are saddle horses.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

His oldest brother seemed unphased, as if he\u2019d spent all night running every possibility and calculation in his head. <\/span>Knowing him? He probably did.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

\u201cAnd today they\u2019ll be pulling horses.\u201d With a light shrug, Adam\u2019s gaze drifted down to his coffee. \u201cI don\u2019t see any other option. Do you?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Joe felt his own gaze dip. Nothing. He\u2019d brainstormed until he fell asleep, waking up with <\/span>nothing.<\/span><\/i> No last-minute bright ideas. No crafty solutions.<\/span><\/p>\n

Nothing.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

\u201cWell, no\u2026\u201d Hoss sounded as if he, too, were trying to wrap his head around the idea. \u201cYou really think they can do it?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Another shrug from Adam. \u201cWe have to try. It\u2019s all we got.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

A dismal silence settled over the room. Each brother felt the weight of the words as keenly as if someone had dropped one of the Widow Hawkins\u2019 barbells on their shoulders.<\/span><\/p>\n

Just when I thought we were getting the hang of this.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

To say he was mad at Pa would be the understatement of the century. Some days, it was all Joe could do to keep from launching himself at his father and shaking the man until he snapped out of it.<\/span><\/p>\n

At first, Joe figured the three of them together could break whatever spell their Pa was under.\u00a0<\/span>Time soon revealed the truth, and with it came a heavy dose of reality. Ben wasn\u2019t interested in coming back to them. He wasn\u2019t interested<\/i> in running the ranch or finishing the contract. He didn\u2019t care about the railroad or the trestle, or the stolen teams, or Barney Fuller.<\/p>\n

He didn\u2019t seem to care about anything, really, except his stupid old cane and the bathrobe that had become his second skin.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWhat if\u2026\u201d Hoss\u2019 thoughtful tone broke Joe out of his musings and he glanced up to find his brother\u2019s brows knitted in deep furrows. \u201cWell, what if we doubled the teams? Those horses out there ain\u2019t good for much but riding when they\u2019re on their own. But what if we doubled the size of the usual teams and made a more even-like distribution of the weight?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

A spark of hope flickered in Joe\u2019s soul as he turned to Adam. <\/span>Yeah\u2026 Yeah, what if we\u2014?<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

Adam knit his own brows together and Joe could almost see the gears turning in his head. \u201cThat could work. It\u2019d slow us down a bit, but\u2026\u201d He was nodding now, a hint of a smile stretching his lips. \u201cBut yeah, that could work.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWell,\u201d Joe began, finally adding his two cents to the pile, \u201cwe\u2019ll never know \u2018till we try, right? I\u2019ll get some of the hands and round up every horse we got.\u201d The excitement of <\/span>this just might work<\/span><\/i> began to stir up within the youngest Cartwright and he shoved out of his chair. \u201cYou two better get back to the worksite, just in case something else goes wrong.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cRight,\u201d Adam agreed with a firm nod.<\/span><\/p>\n

Hoss merely shot Joe a withering look. \u201cI wish you wouldn\u2019t say stuff like that, Joe.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cHey, prepare for the worst, right?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Adam brushed past him, already donning his gun belt and hat. \u201cAnd hope for the best. Come on. Let\u2019s finish this contract.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cRight behind ya,\u201d Hoss replied, following Adam out the door.<\/span><\/p>\n

For his part, Joe stole a brief moment to catch his breath. <\/span>This could work. This could really work\u2026<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

Adam was right: it\u2019s all we got.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

His older brother had been right about a lot of stuff lately, and that was just fine. Usually, it would grate on Joe\u2019s nerves. After all, no one liked a know-it-all, least of all one that thought he was smarter than you simply because he was older.<\/span><\/p>\n

Blowing out a sigh, Joe raised his brows. <\/span>Heck, maybe he\u2019s right about that, too.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

But there was one thing Adam hadn\u2019t been right about: Pa hadn\u2019t come back to himself. Not yet, anyway.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cHe\u2019s going through a bit of a rough spell, Joe.\u201d<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

Sure.<\/span><\/i> Just how long was this \u201crough spell\u201d supposed to last, exactly? <\/span>And when do we get to have our Pa back?<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

Joe didn\u2019t know the answer. He was certain Adam did, but\u2026 Well, the more time that passed them by, the less hopeful Joe found himself to be.<\/span><\/p>\n

Pa\u2019ll come back to us.<\/span><\/i> He slapped on his hat and forced himself out the door, but not before taking one last glance toward the stairs. <\/span>He has to.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

Adam said he would, so he will.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

Though it took some effort, Joe swallowed down the rising emotion. <\/span>Won\u2019t he\u2026?<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

Several ranch hands were already waiting for him by the time he reached the barn.<\/span><\/p>\n

Adam,<\/span><\/i> Joe thought with a sudden fondness for his older brother. <\/span>Always one step ahead of everybody.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

\u201cAll right,\u201d Joe began, his voice taking on that business tone he\u2019d always seen his Pa use so effectively, \u201cno matter how crazy this sounds, just bear with me \u2018till the end.\u201d When the hands made no move to question him, he continued, laying out the plan as succinctly as possible. After all, they were on a deadline.<\/span><\/p>\n

Every second counts.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

\u201cAny questions?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

A few of the men exchanged glances and a couple even looked a bit confused, but only one spoke up, a grin plastered on his face.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWhen do we start?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Flashing a grin of his own, Joe began directing the men. He figured if they could round up every horse on the ranch, they might just have enough to put together more than a few teams.<\/span><\/p>\n

As he started out to the coral, Joe\u2019s mind vaguely registered the fact that Barney Fuller was riding into the yard.<\/span><\/p>\n

Well, Joe didn\u2019t have anything to say to <\/span>him.<\/span><\/i> At least, nothing Adam wouldn\u2019t have his hide for later if he ever found out. Despite the rage bubbling inside him, he focused back on the task at hand. There wasn\u2019t any use in stirring up trouble. Not <\/span>now,<\/span><\/i> anyway. Not when they were racing to get this contract done.<\/span><\/p>\n

Later, <\/span><\/i>however, Joe would have quite a few choice words to tell that dirty thief. <\/span>Imagine, having the gall to set foot on <\/span><\/i>our<\/i><\/b> land after what he did to us\u2026<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

Our land.<\/span><\/i> It really <\/span>was<\/span><\/i> their land now, wasn\u2019t it? Not Pa\u2019s. Not anymore\u2026<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cFrom now on, the Ponderosa belongs to the three of you. You run it any way you see fit.\u201d<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

Joe felt a shiver run down his spine. <\/span>Any way we see fit. We\u2019re trying, Pa.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

We\u2019re trying\u2026<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

He only hoped that when all this was over\u2014when the trestle was finished and they could put up their feet for a little while\u2014their father would be proud of them.<\/span><\/p>\n

That he would feel something, <\/span>anything.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

Please, God, let him feel something more than guilt.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

Let him come back to us\u2026<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

~*~*~*~<\/span><\/p>\n

Hoss knew trouble was in the air the minute he risked a glance up from his work. After all, the men hadn\u2019t all gathered here just so they could have a friendly little chat. No, whatever had ruffled their feathers was going to take more than just a couple of minutes to sort out.<\/p>\n

Don\u2019t they know we ain\u2019t got that kind of time?<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

Straightening to his full height, Hoss identified their leader\u2014that same fellow, Mike, who\u2019d been giving Adam trouble from the very start\u2014and stared him down.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYou fellas need somethin\u2019?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

By now, Joe had put his own work on pause, his fingers crawling toward his holster. With a subtle wave of his hand, Hoss told his brother to stand down. Now wasn\u2019t the time for violence.<\/span><\/p>\n

The leader took a moment to reply, exchanging a few looks with his crew. Then, with a huff, he turned back to Hoss. \u201cThe way we figure it, we signed on under your Pa, not you or your brother. I ain\u2019t seen him around since the accident and I think, from the way you all are actin\u2019, I won\u2019t be seein\u2019 him out here for some time.\u201d A pause, a breath. Hoss glanced at Joe, who offered nothing more than a shrug. \u201cIf I\u2019m right, we want what\u2019s owed us. If I\u2019m wrong, then we\u2019ll start our work up again once your Pa makes his grand appearance.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cNow, let me get this straight.\u201d Stalling for time was the best he could do at the moment. If Hoss could only find some way to make them stay\u2026 If he could just think up a plan before they all shipped out for good\u2026 <\/span>Then what? How long\u2019ll it last after that? <\/span><\/i>\u201cYou\u2019re thinkin\u2019 on leavin\u2019. Is that it?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s the short of it, yeah.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019re just gonna quit without notice?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Mike tucked his thumbs in his belt, chin held high as if daring Hoss to sock him one. \u201cI just gave you notice. Unless you happen to know when you\u2019re Pa\u2019s comin\u2019 back\u2026\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cPa\u2019ll be back soon. You just gotta give him time.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWe\u2019ve given him enough time, haven\u2019t we, fellas?\u201d A murmur of agreement filled the air and Hoss\u2019 newfound adversary smirked. \u201cI think that about sums it up. Now, our pay, if you don\u2019t mind, Mr. Cartwright.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019ll get your pay when that trestle\u2019s finished.\u201d Joe\u2019s heated voice thickened the tension like too much starch in a bowl of pudding. \u201cNot before.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Mike didn\u2019t even spare Joe a glance. \u201cWe want what\u2019s owed us\u2014no more, no less\u2014and we want it now. We worked for it and we\u2019ve got a right to it.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cBut Mike,\u201d Hoss pressed, trying with all his might not to let his desperation show, \u201cyou signed a contract. You can\u2019t back out now.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cLike I said, I signed that contract with your Pa. Now, we ain\u2019t leavin\u2019 without our pay.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Hoss met Joe\u2019s gaze, hoping to find a spark of a plan; a scheme that could get them out of this mess. That would make the last of their teams <\/span>stay.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

Only the face of utter defeat stared back at him. <\/span>Nothing,<\/span><\/i> Joe\u2019s expression seemed to say. <\/span>I\u2019ve got nothing.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

With every second that ticked by, the crew grew more and more anxious about their money\u2014and irritated that they weren\u2019t getting it.<\/span><\/p>\n

Adam was <\/span>not<\/span><\/i> going to like this.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cAll right.\u201d Hoss blew out a sigh. \u201cAll right, Mike, if that\u2019s really the way you want it.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI do. If it\u2019s not too much trouble, <\/span>Mr.<\/span><\/i> Cartwright,\u201d the logger replied with no small amount of sarcasm.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019ll get what comin\u2019 to ya,\u201d Hoss promised. \u201cAin\u2019t no need to get nasty. Come on, Joe.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Hand still dancing around his holster, Joe made a reluctant show of joining Hoss at the head of the group.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cNice going,\u201d Little Brother hissed.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cHey, what else was I supposed to do? And I didn\u2019t see <\/span>you<\/span><\/i> comin\u2019 up with any bright ideas. Whatever happened to that brilliant mind of yours, anyhow?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s been worked half to death and hasn\u2019t had a break in days, that\u2019s what,\u201d Joe snapped. Even as he said it, his hard exterior cracked and exhaustion bled all over his mask. It only served to remind Hoss just how bone-tired <\/span>he<\/span><\/i> was himself.<\/span><\/p>\n

I can only imagine how Adam\u2019s feelin\u2019 right about now.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

\u201cWell,\u201d Hoss huffed, just loud enough for Joe to hear, \u201cyou can sleep as long as ya want after we finish this trestle.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYeah, but how\u2019re we gonna do that without <\/span>them?<\/span><\/i>\u201d Joe jerked a thumb towards the crew dragging their feet a few paces behind. \u201cWe can\u2019t get all those logs to the trestle site with only the three of us. I mean, I have faith in you and Adam, but not <\/span>that<\/span><\/i> much.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cThanks a lot, Joe,\u201d came Hoss\u2019 dry reply. \u201cLittle comments like that just mean the world ta me.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI try,\u201d Joe quipped, stone-faced as he glanced back at the crew.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cMaybe Adam\u2019ll think of somethin\u2019.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

At that, Joe simply scoffed, shaking his head. A few moments of silence slipped by before he blew out a sigh. \u201cThey\u2019re really gonna go through with this, aren\u2019t they?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Hoss sucked in a breath. \u201cSure seems so.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

When Joe bit out a curse, Hoss didn\u2019t have the heart to scold him for it. Instead, he used the short time it took to reach the main site to brace himself for Adam\u2019s face. He could just picture it: forehead lined with barely concealed stress, tired eyes calculating the best way to go about keeping the last of their crew, lips tightly pursed to keep any rogue curses or insults from escaping.<\/span><\/p>\n

And all the while, he\u2019d be wondering where he went wrong.<\/span><\/p>\n

Hoss pursed his own lips. <\/span>None of what\u2019s happened is your fault, Adam. It ain\u2019t anyone\u2019s fault, really.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

Did ya hear that, Pa? It ain\u2019t nobody\u2019s fault.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

The silent reassurances didn\u2019t do much to ease that nagging feeling at the back of Hoss\u2019 mind. The one that told him he should\u2019ve tried harder to make them stay. Should\u2019ve fought a bit longer.<\/span><\/p>\n

Should\u2019ve done<\/span><\/i> something.<\/i><\/b><\/p>\n

And now he was looking into those tired eyes and silently begging his brother for forgiveness.<\/span><\/p>\n

Adam\u2019s expression was just as he thought it\u2019d be, except for one added element: that soft <\/span>it\u2019s all right, Hoss<\/span><\/i> glint in his eyes that Hoss had come to rely on over the years. It eased the last strains of guilt and he resigned himself to sitting back and watching Adam\u2019s master plan unfold.<\/span><\/p>\n

Because of course his oldest brother had thought of something. <\/span>Always working, that mind.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

Sometimes, he worried it worked a bit <\/span>too<\/span><\/i> much. Hoss had no doubt Adam had taken a situation like this into consideration and prepared for the worst, should it come.<\/span><\/p>\n

Well, it sure came, all right.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

They were all exhausted, that was no secret. Yet, somehow, Adam held his own against that posse of deserters, landing blow after blow as they kept coming at him. More than two or three at a time, they came, and each one of them got hammered back down the log pile.<\/span><\/p>\n

To the average eye, Adam was confident; he was in charge. However, as Hoss sat beside Joe, laughing when more than one bruised logger tumbled into their laps, he couldn\u2019t help but notice the way his brother moved. Every punch held a certain level of aggression; each kick betrayed pent up emotions that Adam had no doubt been itching to get out.<\/span><\/p>\n

Sure, the brawl was a statement of power, a testament of control, but it made Hoss wonder just how long that frustration had been bubbling beneath his brother\u2019s cool exterior. How long had Adam been waiting to throw that first punch?<\/span><\/p>\n

And how much longer until those frustrations melted away again?<\/span><\/p>\n

How much more of this can we take?<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

Not for the first time, Hoss began to doubt they\u2019d ever get that trestle finished.<\/span><\/p>\n

Lord help me if I ever have to lay eyes on that blasted railroad.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

Every man that rolled down the pile filled Hoss with a renewed sense of pride in his brother. Not that it\u2019d ever disappeared in the first place, no, it just continued to grow stronger.<\/span><\/p>\n

Crossing his arms, he leaned over to Joe. \u201cHe\u2019s not bad.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cNah,\u201d Joe replied with a grin. \u201cNot bad at all. Told ya ol\u2019 Adam would think of something.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

That remark deserved nothing more than an eye roll.<\/span><\/p>\n

At last, a heavy silence filled the air. The men on the ground fought to catch their breath and lick their wounds, but none seemed bold enough to scale the mountain again. Not with a huffing, fiery-eyed Adam waiting for them on top like a wildcat stalking its prey.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cDoes that answer your question?\u201d Though the booming voice was so wonderfully familiar, it still startled a good many of those gathered. Especially Joe, who whipped around with a speed that made Hoss dizzy just looking at him.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cPa,\u201d he heard his little brother whisper, his tone almost reverent and filled to the brim with relief.<\/span><\/p>\n

Hoss felt a wide grin begin to stretch his face as he turned around, just catching sight of Adam before he did so. He didn\u2019t miss the way Adam\u2019s shoulders sagged; the way he lifted his gaze to the heavens for the briefest of moments.<\/span><\/p>\n

Next thing Hoss knew, Adam had jumped down from his pedestal and, after a few strong words from Pa, the crew had gone back to work.<\/span><\/p>\n

Adam seemed caught off guard when Hoss reached out to shake his hand.<\/span><\/p>\n

Well done, brother,<\/span><\/i> he said with a firm squeeze. And maybe Adam\u2019s hand trembled a bit before he let go. Maybe his big brother squeezed a bit too tightly and held on a few seconds too long. <\/span>Maybe.<\/span><\/i> But Hoss would think about that later. When he had a second to rest. When all was quiet and he could finally mull over all that had happened.<\/span><\/p>\n

Later.<\/span><\/p>\n

Maybe\u2026\u00a0<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

As Pa rode off to reclaim their stolen teams, Joe clapped a hand on both his brothers\u2019 shoulders, face beaming.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWell gentlemen, I think we might just make the deadline.\u201d With a sunshine of a grin, he turned to Adam. \u201cYou know, you don\u2019t always have to be right, older brother, but I sure am glad you were right about this one. You knew all along, didn\u2019t you? You knew he\u2019d come back to us in time to finish the trestle.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

It was so imperceptible, Hoss was sure Joe missed it completely. But <\/span>he<\/span><\/i> noticed it.<\/span><\/p>\n

Hoss always noticed.<\/span><\/p>\n

That slight stiffening of the spine. The lightly knitted brows. That heavy intake of breath.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cSure, Joe,\u201d Adam replied, his voice the essence of calm reassurance. \u201cI knew he\u2019d come back.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Hoss\u2019 own smile faltered, just for a second, as he observed his older brother.<\/span><\/p>\n

Sure, Adam. Whatever you say.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

The minutes stretched like a thick stream of molasses, long and slow as the Cartwright brothers simply stood, catching their breath at last.<\/span><\/p>\n

It was Joe, predictably, who broke the silence. \u201cDoes this mean I\u2019ve gotta take all those horses back up to the ranch? I mean, we just got \u2018em down here\u2026\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Adam waved a lazy hand. \u201cLater.\u201d Then, he began a slow trek toward the desk and awning. \u201cThere\u2019ll be plenty of time for that <\/span>later.<\/span><\/i>\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cHey, where\u2019re you going?\u201d Joe called out, to which Adam flashed a grin.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cTo find a cool chair in the shade.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Cracking another smile, Joe clapped Hoss on the chest, his excitement spreading like wildfire. \u201cDid you hear that? The Bull of the Woods is taking a break! What about the logs?\u201d he called out once more.<\/span><\/p>\n

Another wave from Adam had Hoss grinning too. \u201cWhat about them? I can keep a watch on them just fine from here. I\u2019m sure they\u2019ll keep until Pa comes back.\u201d Then, with a wink, Adam disappeared behind the makeshift wall.<\/span><\/p>\n

Until Pa comes back.<\/span><\/i> Hoss smiled as he watched Joe dash after Adam. Because Pa <\/span>was<\/span><\/i> coming back. For sure, this time.<\/span><\/p>\n

For sure. Did ya hear that, Adam?<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

For sure.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

You don\u2019t have to worry no more.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

You don\u2019t have to worry\u2026<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

~*~*~*~<\/span><\/p>\n

As the cool evening breeze drifted in through his window, Adam forced himself to take a breath. A deep, calming breath.<\/span><\/p>\n

They were back on track. The contract would be fulfilled.<\/span><\/p>\n

Everything was <\/span>fine.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

So,<\/span><\/i> he wondered, pulling off his boots, <\/span>why doesn\u2019t it <\/span><\/i>feel<\/i><\/b> fine?<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

It all still felt wrong somehow. Something within him still bubbled with emotions he couldn\u2019t understand, and therefore, didn\u2019t know how to fix.<\/span><\/p>\n

The what-if\u2019s, the residual uncertainties.<\/span><\/p>\n

That cruel, repetitive whisper of <\/span>what if it happens again?<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

What then?<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

With more force than necessary, Adam flung his boot against the wall, where it joined the other in a sagging heap of dust, dirt, and leather.<\/span><\/p>\n

Another incident like Gabe and their Pa\u2019s mood could turn on a dime. <\/span>And maybe next time, he won\u2019t be so willing to come back\u2026<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

The bed creaked in protest as Adam leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. It wasn\u2019t as if he couldn\u2019t handle things without Ben. Quite the contrary. Independence was a thing Adam prized.<\/span><\/p>\n

No, it wasn\u2019t that at all. It was seeing his father so depressed, so disconnected from the world\u2014from his family.<\/span><\/p>\n

It reminded Adam too much of the long months following Marie\u2019s death.<\/span><\/p>\n

A small shiver wracked his frame.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cNever again.\u201d<\/span><\/i> That\u2019s what Ben had promised last time, all those years ago. Never again would he abandon his family in such a way.<\/span><\/p>\n

Never again, right, Pa?<\/span><\/i> The bitter thought brought a scowl to Adam\u2019s lips. <\/span>Sure\u2026<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

Now, here he sat, still trying to shake off the aftermath of Pa\u2019s second \u201cnever again.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

How long until he\u2019s forced to renew that promise? And how long after <\/span><\/i>that<\/i><\/b> until he breaks it a fourth time?<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

\u201cDamned if I know,\u201d he muttered to the floor.<\/span><\/p>\n

Hoss hadn\u2019t said a word, yet Adam was suddenly made aware of his brother\u2019s presence. Call it brotherly intuition, if you will. Whatever the case, he glanced up just as Hoss sidled over the threshold.<\/span><\/p>\n

Adam shifted, sitting up straighter. \u201cAnd just how long were you stalking me?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Catching the slight hint of humor in his tone, just as Adam hoped he would, Hoss cracked a grin. \u201cI\u2019m the last person who could ever stalk <\/span>you<\/span><\/i>, Adam.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cActually, you\u2019re probably the only one who could get away with it.\u201d When Hoss didn\u2019t reply, his expression clouding over, Adam mentally prepared himself to put sleep off for a little while longer. \u201cSomething on your mind?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Hoss took a moment to respond. \u201cWell, yes and no, I guess.\u201d Adam cocked a brow. \u201cWhat I mean is, well, I just stopped in \u2018cause I figured you had somethin\u2019 on <\/span>your<\/span><\/i> mind.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

A half-hearted chuckle was the best Adam could offer by way of distraction. Sometimes, Hoss was too perceptive for his own good. \u201cThe only thing on my mind right now is sleep.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Any hope of sending his brother on his way faded when Hoss pocketed his hands and leaned back against the wall.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cAll right, Hoss,\u201d Adam said with a sigh, \u201cwhat do you want me to say?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI jus\u2019 asked how you were feeling, that\u2019s all.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cOh, that\u2019s all? Well, I\u2019m just fine, thank you.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cAw, come on, Adam,\u201d Hoss pressed. \u201cI can tell when you\u2019re holdin\u2019 onto somethin\u2019 you shouldn\u2019t be.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

A dull ache pressed at Adam\u2019s temple. Sighing, he lifted a hand to massage it. \u201cDon\u2019t worry about it. I guess I\u2019m still too focused on the trestle. That\u2019s all.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Hoss shook his head. \u201cSometimes I think you put too much stress on yerself. With Pa back now, you can start putting your mind at ease again. You don\u2019t need ta be addin\u2019 up all those calculations in your head and plannin\u2019 out all them scenarios. I know yer still doin\u2019 it. I can almost see your mind workin\u2019.\u201d Then, to Adam\u2019s dismay, Hoss squinted ever-so-slightly. \u201cYou\u2019re doin\u2019 it now, aren\u2019t ya?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cJust taking a few precautions, just in case.\u201d Adam\u2019s tired smile never reached his eyes. \u201cForce of habit, I suppose.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cPa ain\u2019t gonna slide back into that slump again,\u201d Hoss said after a moment, his voice quiet, yet steady. \u201cYou know that, right?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cSure.\u201d Suddenly restless, Adam went to close the window. \u201cIt\u2019s <\/span>never<\/span><\/i> going to happen again. That\u2019s what he said last time, didn\u2019t he?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

If he had turned back around, he would\u2019ve seen Hoss\u2019 expression crunch under the heavy weight of realization, which is why Adam kept his gaze fixed on the window pane.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI reckon you\u2019re talkin\u2019 about when Ma\u2026 Well, when she\u2026\u201d He heard Hoss swallow, the rest of the sentence trailing off into oblivion.<\/span><\/p>\n

Adam sucked in a breath. \u201cIt\u2019s in the past now. There\u2019s no point in talking about it.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cBut you\u2019re thinkin\u2019 about it.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Another sigh slipped past his lips as he turned back to his brother. \u201cIt\u2019s late, Hoss. And in case you\u2019ve forgotten, we\u2019re hauling the last of the logs tomorrow. I think we could both use a little shut eye, don\u2019t you?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI haven\u2019t forgotten. I jus\u2019 figured this is more important.\u201d For the first time that night, Adam found himself at a loss for words, so Hoss pressed on. \u201cEver thought of talkin\u2019 to Pa about it?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Adam scoffed, pulling back the blankets and fluffing his pillow so as to give his hands something to do. \u201cI\u2019m not seventeen anymore, Hoss.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI know, but you were, once. And ya didn\u2019t talk about it much then, either. There ain\u2019t no shame in doin\u2019 it now.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Adam just shook his head.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cIt might make you feel better,\u201d Hoss added, voice hopeful. \u201cThat\u2019s all I reckon I\u2019m tryin\u2019 to say.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ll\u2026 think about it. All right?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

This admission earned Adam a warm smile. \u201cThat\u2019s as good as anythin\u2019, I suppose.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Returning the smile, he nodded toward his bed. \u201cNow do you think I could get some sleep?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cThat one\u2019s up to yer own mind.\u201d Hoss\u2019 grin continued to grow. \u201cI only stopped by to try and ease it a bit.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cThat means a lot. Truly.\u201d As Hoss ducked his head and turned to leave, Adam added, \u201cThank you.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cAny time, Adam. Any time.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

A moment later, Adam found himself alone again. As he got into bed and tried to slip into the welcoming darkness, he couldn\u2019t help but think how satisfied Hoss would be if only knew.<\/span><\/p>\n

When Adam had promised to think about it, he hadn\u2019t counted on the fact that it\u2019d soon become <\/span>all<\/span><\/i> he could think about. Dozens of possible conversations ran through his head. Some with good endings, others more bitter.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cHey, Pa. You know how you\u2019re able to bounce back so well after those little slumps of yours? Yeah, well, not all of us possess that special ability.\u201d<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

\u201cPa, I was thinking, you know how you nearly wrecked this family twice? I\u2019d sleep a lot better if you\u2019d stop pulling those kinds of stunts.\u201d<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

\u201cHey, Pa, would you mind taking a blood oath never to feel guilty about anything ever again? Thanks.\u201d<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

\u201cPa, you\u2019re never gonna believe this, but I think I\u2019m still holding a bit of a grudge against you for something you did more than ten years ago. Remember, that thing I forgave you for?\u201d<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

\u201cYeah, <\/span><\/i>that.<\/i><\/b>\u201d<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

\u201cHey, Pa\u2026\u201d<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

\u201cPa\u2026?\u201d<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

\u201cHey, maybe\u2026\u201d<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

\u201cPa\u2026\u201d<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

\u201cWould you believe it if I told you\u2026\u201d<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

\u201cHey, Pa\u2026\u201d<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

With a start, Adam threw back the covers and jerked out of bed. Grabbing his robe, he flung open the door and descended the stairs. He still didn\u2019t know what he was going to say, but with every second he <\/span>didn\u2019t <\/span><\/i>say it, his heart rate increased.<\/span><\/p>\n

The feeling was akin to a wolf clawing at his chest. If he didn\u2019t get it off, he\u2019d break open.<\/span><\/p>\n

And it wouldn\u2019t be pretty.<\/span><\/p>\n

Why he thought his father would still be downstairs, Adam didn\u2019t know. Yet, something pulled him into the study, where, sure enough, Ben sat behind his desk.<\/span><\/p>\n

Still hard at work.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

Of course, he is.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

Forcing his breath into a steady pattern, Adam approached the desk and waited for his father to glance up.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cHey, Pa?\u201d he began, slowly. \u201cYou got a minute\u2026?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

As Ben pushed away his papers, Adam pulled up a chair.<\/span><\/p>\n

The conversation went on longer than he\u2019d expected, but that was just fine with Adam.<\/span><\/p>\n

Because when he returned to bed that night, his heart felt lighter than it had in years. And, in some way, he knew Ben\u2019s did, too.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The End<\/strong><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Author\u2019s Note: This little story deals with that fanon period of time in which many fanfiction writers assume Ben abandoned the boys in one way or another while he was grieving the loss of Marie. Though there are several versions of this fandom theory, I\u2019ve always been partial to Calim11\u2019s \u201cSeven Words Series.\u201d If you haven\u2019t read it yet, I encourage you to go check it out!<\/em><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Tags:\u00a0 Adam Cartwright,\u00a0Ben Cartwright,\u00a0HAM,\u00a0Hoss Cartwright,\u00a0Joe \/ Little Joe Cartwright<\/p>\n

<\/div>\n

<\/g><\/svg><\/i> \"Loading\"<\/p>\n

<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Summary: Ben\u2019s guilt-ridden slump during the Prime of Life unearths painful memories for his oldest son. Despite this, the boys try their hardest to meet the contract deadline on their own. In the end, it\u2019s up to Hoss to make sure his older brother gets back on the right track again. A WHIB\/WHN for The Prime of Life.
\nRating: G Word Count: 7,380<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":11949,"featured_media":12466,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"template-full-width-post.php","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1009,23,41,61,13],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-37598","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-brothers","category-drama","category-hurtcomfort","category-missing-scene","category-whn","wpcat-1009-id","wpcat-23-id","wpcat-41-id","wpcat-61-id","wpcat-13-id"],"a3_pvc":{"activated":true,"total_views":2762,"today_views":0},"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/01\/vlcsnap-2015-12-13-01h47m48s177.png?fit=768%2C576&ssl=1","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":15580,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=15580","url_meta":{"origin":37598,"position":0},"title":"The Caf\u00e9 Scene (by Robin)","author":"profrobinw","date":"May 5, 2005","format":false,"excerpt":"Summary:\u00a0 Ben raised them better than this.\u00a0 We know he did. 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