Summary:\u00a0<\/i>Time had passed since Eastgate, though perhaps not enough. One year after the events of The Crucible, Adam finds that certain hurts never heal, and some scars never truly fade. A WHN for The Crucible.
\nRating: G\u00a0 Word Count: 1,173<\/p>\n
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The Scars Series<\/strong> <\/p>\n Scars that Never Fade<\/strong><\/p>\n <\/p>\n April 1863<\/i><\/b><\/p>\n \u201cHand me that rifle, Joe. The best we can do for \u2018im right now is put \u2018im outta his misery.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n The deep lines between Hoss\u2019 brows spoke of how much the deed would hurt his tender heart. Normally, Adam wouldn\u2019t fault him for it. The steer couldn\u2019t go on with a leg busted that bad\u2014not on a cattle drive that was only half over, at any rate.<\/span><\/p>\n In fact, normally, Adam would\u2019ve been the first to take up the rifle; to get the miserable deed done and over with so his brothers wouldn\u2019t have to.<\/span><\/p>\n Normally\u2026\u00a0<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n As Hoss raised the rifle with reluctant hands, Adam felt his insides go cold as ice. It\u2019d been a year already. <\/span>One whole year. You should\u2019ve been over it by now, don\u2019t you think?<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n Normally,<\/span><\/i> he would\u2019ve told the cynical voice to shut up\u2014he\u2019d gotten pretty good at shutting it out since\u2026 Well, since East Gate and\u2026 and everything\u2026<\/span><\/p>\n At that moment, however, the ground seemed to shift. Because he was raising the gun, curling his finger around the trigger.<\/span><\/p>\n Bang!<\/span><\/i> The long-buried memory exploded in his mind. A slight stumble was enough to get him to Hoss before his brother could fire.<\/span><\/p>\n The trigger. Don\u2019t pull\u2014<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n \u201cHoss, stop.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n Confusion swirled around the lines of pain as Hoss started, glancing back. \u201cAww, come on, Adam, you know we gotta\u2014\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n Don\u2019t pull the trigger. Don\u2019t\u2014<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n Cold beads of sweat began to line his forehead; his brain raced as he wet his lips. <\/span>Dry.<\/span><\/i> The sun would only get hotter from here and everything was so <\/span>dry.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n Always too dry out here. Too\u2026 The trigger. Don\u2019t pull\u2014<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n \u201cThere has to be another way. Look,\u201d Adam began, keeping his hand wrapped tightly around the barrel of the gun, \u201cwe can still help it, just like we do at the ranch.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n Hoss shook his head. \u201cYeah, but we ain\u2019t at the ranch. Ain\u2019t no way we can heal \u2018im properly on a cattle drive.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n He was acutely aware of both his brothers\u2019 stares narrowing on him, studying him. <\/span>Wondering what the hell is wrong with you.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n Well, what <\/span><\/i>is <\/i><\/b>wrong with you, Cartwright?<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n He couldn\u2019t say. Not now. Not when his heart was beating for fast he could barely breathe. Not when everything was shouting at him to save them all while he still had the chance.<\/span><\/p>\n Save them. Save yourself.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n Save\u2014<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n \u201cCome on, Adam, let go, will ya? Don\u2019t make this any harder than it has to be.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n The rifle moved; Adam\u2019s mind screamed. A desperate cry of survival. \u201cHoss, stop!\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cAdam, what in tarnation\u2014?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cAdam,\u201d Joe tried from somewhere off to the side, his tone cloudy with emotions Adam couldn\u2019t identify, \u201cwhat\u2019s your problem, huh? Can\u2019t we just get this over with?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cNo, we <\/span>can\u2019t.<\/span><\/i>\u201d <\/span>Can\u2019t, can\u2019t, can\u2019t pull the trigger! <\/span><\/i>\u201cThere has to be another way\u2014\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n Guns.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n No guns, no\u2014<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n When Hoss began wrestling the weapon away, Adam only clung to it tighter. \u201cDadburn it, Adam! Why can\u2019t ya just let me\u2014?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cBecause if you shoot her, we\u2019ll never be able to get out of here!\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n A silence settled over them, heavy and suffocating. Words once spoken can\u2019t be taken back. Adam was reminded of this when he heard Joe suck in a breath; when Hoss\u2019 grip on the gun briefly faltered.<\/span><\/p>\n Because now they all knew. They understood, and the worst of it was Adam wished they couldn\u2019t. For so long, he\u2019d wanted them to understand, to know what he went through out there. To be able to <\/span>relate.<\/span><\/i> Now, he wished more than anything that they would look at him like he was crazy. Like they didn\u2019t understand a darn thing he was saying.<\/span><\/p>\n And yet, they did.<\/span><\/p>\n After all, isn\u2019t that what you always wanted, Cartwright?<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n One year. One whole <\/span>year<\/span><\/i> and still that desert haunted him. <\/span>One year. You\u2019d think you\u2019d have gotten over it by now\u2026<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n Sure.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n Like it was a smoldering branding iron, Adam released the rifle. Schooling his face into a neutral expression, he forced himself into a slow, steady retreat\u2014no matter how loud his brain screamed at him to turn and run.<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cNever mind. Just\u2026\u201d He shook his head, not daring to look either of them in the eyes. He knew what he\u2019d find there. He\u2019d seen it all before. <\/span>You don\u2019t need their pity.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n They\u2019re just concerned, that\u2019s all.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n Sure. Or maybe they still think you\u2019re insane.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n Shut. Up.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n Waving a dismissive hand, Adam turned away. \u201cNever mind.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n He didn\u2019t look back; didn\u2019t answer when Joe called out after him.<\/span><\/p>\n Yet, he couldn\u2019t help but flinch when he heard the inevitable gunshot.<\/span><\/p>\n Oh, and here you thought it was over.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n Didn\u2019t you?<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n Heaving a sigh, Adam retreated to Sport, finding relief in simply stroking his friend\u2019s mane.<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cShh,\u201d he whispered to the steed, though whether he was trying to soothe the horse or himself, he couldn\u2019t tell. \u201cIt\u2019s all right.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n Some scars never fade, I guess. How unfortunate.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n Squeezing his eyes shut, he sucked in a long, slow breath.<\/span><\/p>\n Unfortunate\u2026<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n \u201cAdam?\u201d If one more person said his name like that\u2014in that careful, treading on eggshells tone\u2014he was going to\u2026<\/span><\/p>\n What?<\/span><\/i> Came that haughty voice from within again. <\/span>You\u2019ll kill them like you killed me?<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n I didn\u2019t\u2014<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n Banishing the old argument to the depths of his tormented mind, he looked his father in the eyes, determined to play it cool. Because if he acted like everything was fine, he might be able to convince his mind that it really was.<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cIs everything\u2026\u201d Ben\u2019s gaze held that studious glint, ever-knowing. \u201c… All right?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cFine.\u201d With a tug, Adam mounted Sport, then risked a glance at Hoss and Joe. \u201cWe lost one of the steers.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cI know,\u201d Ben replied with a grim nod. \u201cI heard the shot.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cYeah.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n As his father sucked in a breath, Adam felt himself holding his own. \u201cAdam\u2026\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n Adam. Adam. Adam.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n Are you sure you\u2019re all right, Adam?<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n Adam, you spaced out again.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n Hey, Adam, I\u2019m not trying to pry\u2014honest\u2014but you seem a little\u2026<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n Ben seemed to backtrack after that. Out of the corner of his eye, Adam noticed the way his pa appeared to be sizing up the situation. \u201cSon\u2026 you\u2019re sure you\u2019re\u2014\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m fine, Pa. Now, are we going to get this drive moving again? We\u2019ve lost enough time already, don\u2019t you think?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n He didn\u2019t wait for Ben to reply. He couldn\u2019t.<\/span><\/p>\n Not without completely falling apart. Again.<\/span><\/p>\n Like you did back in that desert. Remember that?<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n Urging Sport forward, he put as much distance between his family and himself without abandoning the herd altogether.<\/span><\/p>\n Shut.<\/span><\/i> Up.<\/i><\/b><\/p>\n \u2018Course, you remember. Everyone does.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n Just\u2026<\/span><\/i> Adam closed his eyes again, only briefly this time. He didn\u2019t have time for this; had to focus on the drive. <\/span>Just\u2026<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n Shut up.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n Please, just\u2026<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n Would it take another year? Two? Three? How long would the memories haunt him? How long would he have to worry about triggers popping up out of the blue like this?\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Some scars never fade. Just remember that.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n Just\u2026\u00a0<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n \u2026 shut up.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n The End<\/strong><\/p>\n <\/p>\n Tags:\u00a0 Adam Cartwright,\u00a0Angst,\u00a0Ben Cartwright,\u00a0brothers,\u00a0Hoss Cartwright,\u00a0Joe \/ Little Joe Cartwright<\/p>\n
\nScars that Never Fade<\/a>
\nScars that Shatter Trust<\/a>
\nScars that Distort Reality<\/a>
\nScars You Can’t Ignore<\/a><\/p>\n
\nAuthor’s Note:<\/em> Written for the Pinecone Challenge and extended for the Bonanza Brand Library.<\/em><\/p>\n