Summary: After seven years apart, Ben and the boys are about to spend their first Christmas together.\u00a0\u00a0Too bad that buying gifts is harder than it seems.
\nWritten for day 8 of the 2021 Advent Calendar.
\nRating: G
\nWord Count: 2479<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
In Absentia Series:<\/strong><\/p>\n In Absentia<\/a> <\/p>\n Bonanza Significance<\/b><\/p>\n Part 4 in Belle\u2019s \u201cIn Absentia\u201d universe<\/i><\/b><\/p>\n \u00a0<\/i><\/b><\/p>\n Everyone would agree that Ben Cartwright was a survivor. He\u2019d survived years of sailing the great oceans, mastered the perilous journey west, mourned the loss of three wives, and most recently, spent years shivering aboard the\u00a0HMS<\/i>\u00a0Investigator<\/i>\u00a0stranded in a sea of ice.<\/p>\n Oh, yes. Ben could survive all of that only to discover that\u00a0shopping<\/i>\u00a0defeated him. It would be depressing if it wasn\u2019t so ludicrous.\u00a0\u00a0How could buying a few gifts be so difficult?<\/p>\n It wasn\u2019t as if he was completely unable to\u00a0\u00a0make purchases.\u00a0\u00a0He had a number of parcels in his arms. There were books for Adam, new shirts for Hoss (who was starting to fill out a bit now that he had plenty to eat), and socks and mittens for the 12-year-old who could lose mittens almost as quickly as he\u00a0\u00a0wore holes in his socks. A warm coat for Hop Sing was hidden alongside the crates of provisions his friend had instructed him to bring home. Spending money wasn\u2019t the problem, not at all.<\/p>\n The problem was entirely with Ben. Every gift he\u2019d purchased was thoughtful. Every gift took into account the recipient\u2019s needs and would be sincerely appreciated. It was just that every gift was so darn ordinary.\u00a0\u00a0Anyone with a passing acquaintance with his family would have come up with the same ideas.<\/p>\n Turning his back to the biting wind, Ben fitted the parcels into the nooks and crannies of the buckboard. He took his time making sure everything was well concealed; it wasn\u2019t as if the cold bothered him.\u00a0\u00a0If he couldn\u2019t be imaginative, at least he could be sneaky.\u00a0\u00a0Satisfied that everything was as it should be, he stepped back onto the boardwalk.<\/p>\n He still had time to find the perfect gifts, meaningful gifts that would communicate his love and gratitude in a way that he would never be able to say out loud.\u00a0\u00a0He had time to buy the perfect gifts. What he lacked was a clue of how to go about it.<\/p>\n Marching back and forth past the various shops failed to provide inspiration.\u00a0\u00a0Finally, giving in to frustration, he sat down on the wood bench stationed outside Weber\u2019s Emporium and gave into a bit of a sulk.<\/p>\n \u201cI need help,\u201d Ben muttered in a quiet voice.\u00a0\u00a0One of the habits he\u2019d brought home from his time away was talking to himself.<\/p>\n \u201cThen you\u2019ve come to the right person. I\u2019m very good at providing assistance.\u201d<\/p>\n The lovely voice belonged to a young woman sitting next to him on the bench. Had he intruded on her without even realizing she was there?\u00a0\u00a0When had he become so rude?\u00a0\u00a0He hastened to offer apologies which she waved away with a laugh.<\/p>\n \u201cSo, what troubles you?<\/p>\n He couldn\u2019t really unburden himself to this young lady, could he?\u00a0\u00a0Even if she were willing to lend an ear, what advice could she offer that he hadn\u2019t already considered. And yet, there was something about this woman, young as she was and a stranger besides, that invited his confidences.<\/p>\n \u201cI want to find gifts for the people I love that will let them know how I feel about them, how I treasure them, . . . and how much I missed them.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cSeven years is a long time.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou know who I am?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI know.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThen you understand my problem. I don\u2019t have any ideas at all.\u00a0\u00a0All that time away, when we have all gone without each other\u2019s company.\u00a0\u00a0I\u2019ve missed so much of their lives.\u00a0\u00a0That\u2019s time I won\u2019t ever get back. And my boys! They missed having a father, someone to care for them, protect them . . .\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cBen,\u201d she interrupted him before he completely lost his composure.\u00a0\u00a0What an odd woman to use an unfamiliar gentlemen\u2019s Christian name. Strangely, he didn\u2019t feel scandalized.<\/p>\n \u201cBen,\u201d she continued more gently now that she had his attention. \u201cThose days are gone. Nothing you buy will ever get them back.\u201d<\/p>\n He dropped his head into his hands. He\u2019d known that, of course, but he hadn\u2019t wanted to believe it. Hearing it spoken aloud was a shock and somehow a comfort.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat should I do?\u201d<\/p>\n She didn\u2019t reply right away. While he waited, he allowed himself to rest in her presence. The turmoil of anxiety and remnants of the grief and\u00a0\u00a0anger he\u2019d carried for years receded leaving only a sense of peace and a willingness to listen.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat would you like to receive as a gift?\u00a0\u00a0What would be meaningful for you?\u201d<\/p>\n That wasn\u2019t what he\u2019d been expecting.\u00a0\u00a0They weren\u2019t talking about him and his needs. He needed help finding something for his family. Nonetheless, he replied swiftly, before he had a chance to censor himself.<\/p>\n \u201cI want to know what I missed watching them grow up. I want them to know me as their father.\u201d<\/p>\n She smiled up at him. \u201cThere\u2019s your answer.\u201d<\/p>\n He huffed at her glibness. \u201cThat\u2019s not an answer. Are you saying I should tell them about my time away? What happened to me?\u00a0\u00a0What I felt?\u00a0\u00a0No! Absolutely not.\u00a0\u00a0I\u2018ve promised myself not to burden them with what I went through.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWill it be a burden for you to hear about their lives without you?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo, not a burden. I want to know all about them. But, . . . I\u2019m afraid to hear about those years without me there\u00a0\u00a0. . . when they had to do everything by themselves. Even their good, happy times . . .\u00a0\u00a0I\u2019m ashamed to admit, it breaks my heart knowing I missed it all. Why should I dredge it all up, say it out loud? How can I put them . . . and me through that? I can\u2019t do it.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cCan\u2019t you?\u201d The little lady could be challenging as well as comforting. \u201cWhat you and your boys experienced was something of significance. Don\u2019t cheapen the lesson by ignoring it.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cBut what should I do . . .\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019s up to you, of course. How and when to give a gift. I have faith in you, Ben Cartwright.\u201d<\/p>\n A voice could be heard from the distance, quite clearly despite the shutter-rattling strength of the cold wind, \u201cMary, I need your help.\u201d<\/p>\n She rose gracefully from her seat. \u201cThere\u2019s never enough time to just talk, is there? I have to go now. Take care of that gift, will you?\u201d\u00a0\u00a0She declined his offer to escort her to her destination and walked away swiftly, vanishing in the swirl of falling snow.<\/p>\n He stood there silently for a moment, letting the cold tickle the exposed skin above his scarf and around his wrists.\u00a0\u00a0Finally, he shook himself a bit to clear the cobwebs and marched resolutely back into Weber\u2019s Emporium.<\/p>\n He had a gift to buy.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Out of habit rather than necessity, Adam checked all the windows making sure they were closed tight and shuttered against the bitter night air.\u00a0\u00a0Naturally, someone else (probably Hop Sing) had beat him to the chore. It would take a little getting used to, having someone else share the load.<\/p>\n Dinner was over, savory stew and biscuits followed by apple pie.\u00a0\u00a0Everyone had eaten their fill, and that took some getting used to as well. His brothers were bent over the checkerboard, arguing more than they were playing. Hop Sing had taken a cup of tea to the dining table, writing implements spread across the surface as he wrote letters to the loved ones he had left behind. Pa had disappeared up the stairs to his bedroom more than an hour ago. There\u2019d been a wrapped parcel under his arm and a furtive look in his eye \u2013 if that wasn\u2019t a sign of Christmas, Adam didn\u2019t know what was.<\/p>\n Adam was in the mood for music. He\u2019d love to pull out his guitar and play, but his injured arm wouldn\u2019t take the strain.\u00a0\u00a0Ah, it could\u2019ve been so much worse. He was healing well. By spring time, he\u2019d have nothing but a small scar to bear witness to the tumult of his father\u2019s return.<\/p>\n Might as well take advantage of the piece and quiet to steal a few minutes to read.\u00a0The blue velvet chair was an old friend and a few minutes spent with \u201cParadise Lost\u201d would be just the ticket.\u00a0\u00a0He\u2019d barely gotten immersed in the rhythm and beauty of the epic when tiny paper wads sailed over the top of his book to land in his lap and his hair. He ignored it for a time (that was part of the game, after all), until with a mighty roar, he leapt from his chair and swung a cushion at the head of his giggling attacker.<\/p>\n That turned out to be a mistake. It seemed neither he nor Joe had a lick of sense\u2014they\u2019d both forgotten about his arm. Before he knew it, he was back in his chair with that pillow under his bad arm and his good arm around a very repentant little brother.<\/p>\n \u201cMistah Adam got no more brains than little brother! How is arm to heal with such\u00a0\u00a0foolishness! And you, Li\u2019l Joe!\u00a0\u00a0Why you act so crazy with brother?\u201d<\/p>\n It looked like Hop Sing was building up a good head of steam. He may have only been a member of the family for a few weeks, but they all knew better than to argue with him at times like these.<\/p>\n \u201cThe boys were just having a fun, Hop Sing. No harm done.\u201d<\/p>\n Woo, boy.\u00a0\u00a0For a moment, Adam had even forgotten their father was in the house.\u00a0Yet another thing to get used to.<\/p>\n \u201cAs it happens, I\u2019m glad we\u2019re all together.\u00a0\u00a0I have something I want to say.\u201d<\/p>\n Pa\u2019s face was serious and a little apprehensive. It couldn\u2019t be bad news; surely not?\u00a0\u00a0Little Joe dropped to the floor next to Adam’s chair. Hoss sank back down on the settee while Hop Sing hurriedly gathered his personal items from the dining table.<\/p>\n \u201cNo, please don\u2019t go,\u201d Pa said. \u201cThis is about . . . for . . . all of us.\u00a0\u00a0I have an early Christmas present.\u00a0\u00a0I hope it will be something we can all share.\u201d<\/p>\n A subtle sigh of relief from every one of them could be heard.\u00a0\u00a0At the words, \u201cChristmas present,\u201d Adam felt Joe wiggling in excitement; the boy did love a surprise.<\/p>\n \u201cFor the last seven years, it\u2019s . . . been hard . . . I\u2019ve missed you desperately, and I know you missed me as well.\u00a0\u00a0Through all those years, I could only imagine how you looked and sounded, what made you laugh, and what made you cry.\u00a0\u00a0All those things, big and small,\u00a0\u00a0that make you who you are right now.\u00a0\u00a0I missed seeing it, and knowing that it\u2019s done and gone has weighed heavily on me.\u201d<\/p>\n Pa took a moment to collect his emotions, swiping a thumb at the corner of his eye. With his characteristic sympathy, Little Joe\u2019s face was pressed into Adam\u2019s trouser leg, and if there weren\u2019t tears and snot smeared into the cloth by now, Adam would wash the dishes for a week.<\/p>\n \u201cSo, the gift.\u201d Pa held out a large book with a tan moleskin cover. \u201cI\u2019m not very good these days talking about what went on while I was gone. Maybe someday I\u2019ll get better. But . . . I figured you boys might want to know a little about what happened to me during the time I had to be away from you. I wrote a bit of the story down here in this book.\u201d<\/p>\n Pa opened up the book, flipping through it to show them that most of the pages were still blank.<\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019s my hope that all of us will find time to write in this book.\u00a0\u00a0We can tell each other stories or relive memories.\u00a0\u00a0Maybe, tuck keepsakes inside or draw pictures.\u00a0\u00a0It doesn\u2019t matter to me what goes into the book.\u00a0\u00a0This is a book about us and for us. It should stay down here where we can all look at it or add to it whenever the mood strikes us.<\/p>\n Since it\u2019s my idea, I got us started with a story about meeting the man who would become my best friend. I\u2019m going to leave it here for you all to read whenever you like.\u201d<\/p>\n Pa\u2019s smile looked a little wobbly, and he had to clear his throat a couple of times.\u00a0\u00a0Adam\u2019s throat was suffering with a similar issue, and it sounded like Hoss had to sniff and cough out a couple dozen frogs. Count on Little Joe to throw all manly pretensions to the wind. The kid jumped up, bawling, to hug Pa tighter than he ever had before\u2014and Adam had seen the boy give Pa some mighty good hugs in the last few weeks. Pa patted the boy on the back and steered him back to Adam.<\/p>\n \u201cAnyway, here\u2019s the book.\u00a0\u00a0Read it if you want to it; write in it, please. Don\u2019t worry or be offended. I think I need a little time to myself.\u00a0\u00a0I love you all.\u00a0\u00a0Merry Christmas.\u201d<\/p>\n Pa turned and headed back upstairs, leaving them with the Christmas gift, open on his desk.<\/p>\n Hoss ambled over to the desk before they heard Pa close his bedroom door.\u00a0\u00a0He picked up that book, cradling it like it was made of gold rather than leather and paper. Adam accepted the book from his middle brother and thumbed through the first pages.<\/p>\n \u201cRead it to us, Adam,\u201d Joe pleaded.<\/p>\n Adam found the first page and began,<\/p>\n I\u2019d already traveled many miles when I\u2019d reached Portland. I knew no one and spoke to no one if I could avoid it.\u00a0\u00a0I was footsore, hungry, dirty and perhaps not thinking very clearly. I hadn\u2019t been \u201cBen Cartwright\u201d for a very long time, and I wasn\u2019t sure who I\u2019d become as a result.<\/b><\/p>\n I was walking along a crowded part of town near the river when I heard a commotion from an alley.\u00a0\u00a0I had lived with the sound of commotion for many years; so at first, I was barely distracted. What made me stop was the sound of a child shouting in distress.\u00a0\u00a0I stepped into the alleyway to see if I could be of assistance.\u00a0\u00a0I saw a number of dirty ruffians, merely boys in years, but large and brutish.\u00a0\u00a0They were tormenting a small man who stood between them and a blonde child no older than ten. The man\u2019s face was covered in blood from a deep cut , but he never faltered. He swung a good size club at any miscreant who ventured close. I had never seen anyone as brave or gallant as that small Chinese man.<\/b><\/p>\n \u201cOh, Hop Sing!\u201d Joe chortled, \u201cKeep reading, Adam! This is gonna be good.\u201d<\/p>\n The End<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Character: Ben<\/p>\n Prompt: Buying a gift<\/p>\n
\nRestitution
\n<\/a>All Through the Night <\/a>
\nSignificance<\/a>
\nHomesick<\/a><\/p>\n
\n
\n~*~*~ Advent Calendar ~*~*~
\n* Day 8 *<\/span><\/b><\/span><\/p>\n