{"id":38679,"date":"2022-02-12T19:49:13","date_gmt":"2022-02-13T00:49:13","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=38679"},"modified":"2025-09-25T15:38:07","modified_gmt":"2025-09-25T19:38:07","slug":"scars-that-shatter-trust-by-harpistforhim","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=38679","title":{"rendered":"Scars that Shatter Trust (by HarpistforHim)"},"content":{"rendered":"

Summary: Certain hurts never heal and some scars never truly fade. Adam is aware of this now, however, simply being aware doesn\u2019t make moving forward any easier. Even a seemingly normal trip home with his brother blisters the scars that he thought were healing. A WHN for The Crucible.
\nWord Count: 1,949 \u00a0Rating: G
\n<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The Scars Series<\/strong>
\nScars That Never Fade<\/a>
\nScars That Shatter Trust<\/a>
\nScars That Distort Reality<\/a>
\nScars You Can’t Ignore<\/a><\/p>\n

Author\u2019s note: This story is part of the Scars series, which takes place a year after the episode \u201cThe Crucible.\u201d While it isn\u2019t necessary to have read the first few before reading this story, reading the first parts of the series might enhance the overall storyline a bit and make more sense of the following story. Enjoy!<\/em><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n


\nScars that Shatter Trust<\/strong><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

June 1863<\/i><\/b><\/p>\n

\u201cWhere are you two fellas headed?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

It was a simple question\u2014almost too simple. Just like a gun: simply made, yet loaded and deadly.<\/span><\/p>\n

Not for the first time, Adam wondered why people couldn\u2019t mind their own business.<\/span><\/p>\n

Because everyone has an ulterior motive, right?<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

Right,<\/i><\/b> Cartwright\u2026?<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

That voice\u2026 It seemed a part of him, now. Always there, never leaving\u2014no matter how many sleepless nights he spent trying to banish it from his mind.<\/span><\/p>\n

Didn\u2019t I tell you? You can\u2019t escape me.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

Or yourself.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

Pursing his lips, he did his best to ignore the taunts. The sooner he and his brother could get back on their way, the better.<\/span><\/p>\n

Hoss, for his part, didn\u2019t seem to feel Adam\u2019s sense of hurry, smiling and falling into that neighborly \u201cI trust everyone\u201d attitude Adam had come to despise in the recent months. His middle brother had always been the most outgoing of the Cartwright offspring in certain ways, and it was once a trait Adam greatly admired. That genuine smile bestowed upon the surliest of strangers; the easy conversation and relaxed demeanor\u2026<\/span><\/p>\n

It used to bring a smile to Adam\u2019s face. Nowadays, he didn\u2019t really like to think about when or why it changed.<\/span><\/p>\n

Sticking out his hand, Hoss grinned at the waystation master. \u201cI\u2019m Hoss Ca\u2014\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cAnd I\u2019m Adam. We\u2019re just passing through.\u201d Not taking the time to dwell on\u2014or even acknowledge\u2014the confused look Hoss shot his way, Adam nodded at their horses. \u201cNow, how much to feed and water the horses so we can be on our way?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

The elderly owner nodded and named a price. \u201cYou fellas in a hurry?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Adam forced himself not to wither under Hoss\u2019 scrutinizing stare as his brother drawled, \u201cWell, I didn\u2019t think we were. And if we are, we sure didn\u2019t use to be.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s been a long journey,\u201d Adam explained. \u201cWe\u2019re just a bit anxious to get home.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Nodding again, the station master gestured toward the barn. \u201cFeed\u2019s in there.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cThank you,\u201d Adam said, handing the man his payment.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI suppose everyone has that drive to get home sometime or another.\u201d The man\u2019s chuckle grated on Adam\u2019s nerves, but he couldn\u2019t really say <\/span>why.<\/span><\/i> \u201cAnd some folks can\u2019t seem to get far enough away from it! Where\u2019s home for you two?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Alarm bells went off in his brain so fast, he couldn\u2019t be sure of their cause at first.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cJust where are you headed?\u201d<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

\u201cBack\u2026 I hope, eventually, back home\u2026 the Ponderosa.\u201d<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

Flashes of East Gate plagued his mind and he shivered. <\/span>Because of you.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

No,<\/span><\/i> the voice shot back. <\/span>Because of <\/span><\/i>you.<\/i><\/b><\/p>\n

Because you can\u2019t get over yourself, Cartwright. It\u2019s like I said: <\/span><\/i>I\u2019m <\/i><\/b>the better man.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

Adam\u2019s nails bit at his palm as he clenched a fist. <\/span>You\u2019re<\/i><\/b> not even real.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

Not anymore. You made sure of that. Remember?<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

How could he forget?<\/span><\/p>\n

How can I forget when you\u2019re always there to remind me?<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

Kane\u2019s twisted grin would forever be branded on his mind, Adam knew that. He just wished it would stop picking the worst possible moments to show itself.<\/span><\/p>\n

Resisting the nagging urge to squeeze his eyes shut, Adam tightened his grip on Sport\u2019s reins.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cThe great Ponderosa. Oh yes, I\u2019ve heard of it. Who hasn\u2019t?\u201d<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

\u201cNot too far from here, actually,\u201d Hoss replied with a smile. \u201cVirg\u2014\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cVirginia.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

The stranger glanced from Hoss to Adam. \u201cCity?\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cState.\u201d Adam could\u2019ve kicked himself as soon as he said it.<\/span><\/p>\n

Both his brother\u2019s and the station master\u2019s eyebrows shot up. \u201cThat\u2019s\u2026 a long way off, ain\u2019t it?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cNow you can see why we\u2019re in a bit of a hurry. Thank you again. Come on, Hoss.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Without another word, Adam led Sport into the barn, all the while trying not to drown in the hurricane of memories threatening to consume his mind.<\/span><\/p>\n

What a brilliant answer,<\/span><\/i> the voice sneered. <\/span>A brilliant answer by a <\/span><\/i>brilliant <\/i><\/b>mind.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

Oh, just shut up\u2026<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

Hoss joined him a few minutes later, taking just long enough for Adam to wonder what he was saying to that stranger.<\/span><\/p>\n

Telling him your names, no doubt.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

Shut up.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

And where you live\u2026<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

I said\u2014<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

So he can come and find you.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

Stop it!<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

You\u2019re too rich, Cartwright. And that\u2019s only one of your many issues. Everyone knows the Ponderosa. Your daddy made too big a name for himself.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

I said, shut\u2014<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

But if it makes you feel better, you just go ahead and hide behind your witless excuses\u2014<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

Shut up!<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

Only when bolts of pain shot through his hand did he realize he\u2019d slammed it into the side of the stall.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYou all right there, Adam?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Startled more than he\u2019d ever care to admit, Adam whirled around, half expecting to find Kane staring him down with that blasted rifle in his hands.<\/span><\/p>\n

What\u2019s the matter, Cartwright? Mind playing tricks on you again?<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

Blowing out a sigh, Adam forced his eyes into an exaggerated roll and turned back to Sport. After all, it was better to come off as annoyed at his brother than scared of his own shadow.<\/span><\/p>\n

Right\u2026?<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

\u201cI thought I told you not to sneak up on people like that.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Even with his back turned, he could practically see Hoss\u2019 shrug. \u201cI guess you did, at that. Though, I didn\u2019t know walkin\u2019 into a barn counted as sneakin\u2019.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

The <\/span>whatever <\/span><\/i>on the tip of Adam\u2019s tongue was quickly swallowed in favor of saving what little remained of his dignity. The last thing he needed right now was to sound like Little Joe on a bad day.<\/span><\/p>\n

A thick silence settled over the two as they fed their horses\u2014so thick, Adam found it difficult to breathe.<\/span><\/p>\n

Or maybe that wasn\u2019t due to the silence\u2026<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cSo,\u201d Hoss began, clearing his throat and cutting through the tension, \u201call that nonsense back there\u2026 What <\/span>was<\/span><\/i> that, anyway?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Yes, Cartwright, explain your madness to your brother. I\u2019m sure he\u2019ll understand.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

Shut up.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

\u201cDo we have to disclose our full backstory to every stranger we meet on the side of the road?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cNo, I suppose not, but what\u2019s wrong with being neighborly?\u201d Hoss was treading lightly and trying not to show it, yet Adam could tell by the sound of his voice.<\/span><\/p>\n

He\u2019s walking on eggshells. They\u2019ve <\/span><\/i>all<\/i><\/b> been walking on eggshells since\u2014<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

Adam stroked Sport\u2019s mane and silently counted to ten. \u201cWe\u2019re not his neighbors, Hoss. We\u2019re just strangers passing through. Can\u2019t we do that without constantly drawing attention to ourselves?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cNow, what d\u2019ya mean by that?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Chubb whinnied, but Adam didn\u2019t dare look back. He could control his voice just fine, but he couldn\u2019t say the same for his face. <\/span>No need to give yourself away.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

No need to make him worry again.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

Again\u2026<\/i><\/b><\/p>\n

Right.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

He drew a slow breath. Control. He was the one in control.<\/span><\/p>\n

So why does it still feel like I can\u2019t make a move without Kane giving me his permission\u2026?<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

\u201cDo you realize we get in more trouble telling people we\u2019re Cartwrights than anything else?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s\u2026 true, I guess. But don\u2019t ya think that might be a bit of an exaggeration\u2014\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cFace it, Hoss, it happens all the time.\u201d Somehow, his hands had found a brush because he realized he\u2019d been rubbing down Sport for a few minutes now. \u201cYou tell a stranger you\u2019re a Cartwright and immediately their twisted mind starts to turn. The Ponderosa is too big, too well-known. The next thing you know, someone\u2019s taking advantage of you, or holding your medicine for ransome, or bushwhacking you in the middle of the desert and then\u2014!\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

The previous tension paled in comparison to the silence that followed his outburst.<\/span><\/p>\n

As Adam tightened his grip on the brush, he finally let his eyes slide shut. <\/span>When will it end\u2026?<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

Haven\u2019t I suffered long enough?<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

That laugh\u2026 It echoed in the back of his mind on repeat. Over and over without rest\u2014without even the smallest reprieve.<\/span><\/p>\n

If I\u2019ve told you once, I\u2019ve told you a dozen times\u2026<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

Stop it.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

You can\u2019t escape me, Cartwright. It\u2019s a waste of energy to even try.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

Right.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

How could he forget?<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cAdam\u2026?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cAdam.\u201d<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

\u201cAdam!\u201d<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

Never before had he grown so tired of hearing his own name. Not when they said it like <\/span>that. <\/span><\/i>Like he was just a cracked pane of glass waiting to shatter.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cAdam, are you all right?\u201d<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

\u201cCome on, Adam, talk to me.\u201d<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

\u201cYou can\u2019t go on like this, Adam. It\u2019s not fair to us and it\u2019s not fair to you.\u201d<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

Yeah? <\/span><\/i>Dropping the brush, he snatched up Sport\u2019s reins. <\/span>Well, what do you want me to do about it?<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

\u201cTalk to us.\u201d<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

I\u2019m trying.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

\u201cJust tell me how I can help.\u201d<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

I\u2019m <\/span><\/i>trying.<\/i><\/b><\/p>\n

\u201cIt might help to get some of it off your chest and out of your mind.\u201d<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

I\u2019m\u2014<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

\u201cForget it,\u201d Adam muttered as he led his horse toward the open doorway. \u201cI’m ready when you are, but take your time.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Hoss\u2019 gentle hand on his shoulder both stopped his advance and sent shivers down his spine.<\/span><\/p>\n

Look at yourself. Scared of every shadow, just like a skittish barn animal.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

His brother\u2019s steady voice successfully banished the one tormenting his mind\u2014for the moment, at least.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYou wanna talk about it?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

For a moment, Adam considered the offer. For as long as he could remember, he\u2019d always been able to talk to Hoss. They had a special sort of bond that made confiding in each other easy\u2014even easier than talking to their own father sometimes.<\/span><\/p>\n

So, maybe\u2026 <\/span><\/i>Maybe he\u2019d understand. And even if he didn\u2019t, he would <\/span>listen.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

Hoss always listened.<\/span><\/p>\n

But do I really want him to hear what I have to say\u2026?<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

Tell him,<\/span><\/i> the voice taunted, returning again with a vengeance. <\/span>Tell him how you sank so low out there you couldn\u2019t even recognize yourself. Heck, you <\/span><\/i>still<\/i><\/b> don\u2019t recognize yourself, do you?<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

Adam shook his head. <\/span>You made sure of that, didn\u2019t you?<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

\u201cNo,\u201d he finally told his brother.<\/span><\/p>\n

Hoss nodded, understanding lining his face. \u201cWell, you know I\u2019m always here if ya changer your mind.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

With a nod, Adam tried to move forward, but the gentle grip on his arm tightened ever-so-slightly.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cNot everyone we meet\u2019s out to get us,\u201d Hoss began slowly. Even out of the corner of his eye, Adam could see the pain lacing his brother\u2019s bright blue orbs. \u201cYou know that\u2026 right?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Adam jerked out of the light hold, though the gesture was weak and half-hearted at best. \u201cCould\u2019ve fooled me.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Then, he led his horse out of the barn before Hoss had a chance to preach him a proper sermon.<\/span><\/p>\n

It\u2019s never going to be the same again, is it?<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

Not as long as I\u2019m around, Cartwright.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

Too often, he found himself playing the \u201cwhat if\u201d game. A dangerous sport that led to sleepless nights, guilt, and far too much regret for one man to handle alone.<\/span><\/p>\n

What if he\u2019d stayed with Joe in East Gate?<\/span><\/p>\n

What if Joe had gone with him?<\/span><\/p>\n

What if he\u2019d just kept quiet about all that money in the first place?<\/span><\/p>\n

What if, what if, what <\/span>if?<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

What if I\u2019d killed him when I had the chance\u2026?<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

Oh, but you did. Don\u2019t you remember?<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

I didn\u2019t. I couldn\u2019t have\u2014<\/span><\/i>wouldn\u2019t <\/i><\/b>have. I\u2026<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

None of it mattered now, anyway. <\/span>The past can\u2019t be changed.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

And if it could, what makes you think <\/span><\/i>you\u2019d<\/i><\/b> get to be the one to change it?<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

Right.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

Still\u2026<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

It sure would be nice, though.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

With a sigh, he mounted Sport and gave the station master one final glance. He simply sat on his porch chair and gave Adam a nod. Again, he wondered what else Hoss had told the man.<\/span><\/p>\n

It sure would be nice\u2026<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

The End<\/strong><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Tags:\u00a0 Adam Cartwright, brothers, Hoss Cartwright, SAS<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

<\/div>\n

<\/g><\/svg><\/i> \"Loading\"<\/p>\n

<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Summary: Certain hurts never heal and some scars never truly fade. Adam is aware of this now, however, simply being aware doesn\u2019t make moving forward any easier. Even a seemingly normal trip home with his brother blisters the scars that he thought were healing. A WHN for The Crucible.
\nWord Count: 1,949 \u00a0Rating: G
\nPart of the Scars Series, links to all stories included within.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":11949,"featured_media":11570,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"template-full-width-post.php","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1005,41,13],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-38679","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-adam-cartwright","category-hurtcomfort","category-whn","wpcat-1005-id","wpcat-41-id","wpcat-13-id"],"a3_pvc":{"activated":true,"total_views":2224,"today_views":0},"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/08\/normal_The_Crucible_47.jpg?fit=400%2C298&ssl=1","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":37623,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=37623","url_meta":{"origin":38679,"position":0},"title":"Scars That Never Fade (by HarpistforHim)","author":"HarpistforHim","date":"October 25, 2021","format":false,"excerpt":"Summary:\u00a0Time had passed since Eastgate, though perhaps not enough. One year after the events of The Crucible, Adam finds that certain hurts never heal, and some scars never truly fade. A WHN\/Later for The Crucible. Rating: G\u00a0 Word Count: 1,173","rel":"","context":"In "Adam Cartwright"","block_context":{"text":"Adam Cartwright","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?cat=1005"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/08\/normal_The_Crucible_47.jpg?fit=400%2C298&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":45956,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=45956","url_meta":{"origin":38679,"position":1},"title":"Scars That Distort Reality (by HarpistforHim)","author":"HarpistforHim","date":"May 20, 2023","format":false,"excerpt":"Summary: While it\u2019s become abundantly clear that some hurts never heal, a small bullet wound and a night trapped out in the rain reveal that the scars that stick around do so with a vengeance. Every time Adam tries to take a step toward healing, his mind forces him to\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Adam \/ Joe"","block_context":{"text":"Adam \/ Joe","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?cat=1091"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/08\/normal_The_Crucible_47.jpg?fit=400%2C298&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":20275,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=20275","url_meta":{"origin":38679,"position":2},"title":"From Adam’s Pen (by DJK)","author":"DJK","date":"March 10, 2019","format":false,"excerpt":"Summary: Three poems in the voice of Adam Cartwright. Publish here in honor of the March Poetry Challenge though they have been individually posted elsewhere previously. rating: k+word count: 302","rel":"","context":"In "Adam Cartwright"","block_context":{"text":"Adam Cartwright","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?cat=1005"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/02\/coming-soon-4.jpg?fit=320%2C240&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":6204,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=6204","url_meta":{"origin":38679,"position":3},"title":"Scars on the Inside (by Annie K Cowgirl)","author":"Annie K Cowgirl","date":"September 3, 2012","format":false,"excerpt":"Summary:\u00a0In memory of the beloved episode My Brother's Keeper. It's been five years since the accident and Adam still hasn't forgiven himself for shooting Joe. Rated:\u00a0K+ (935 words)","rel":"","context":"In "Chaps and Spurs"","block_context":{"text":"Chaps and Spurs","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?cat=39"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/Pdvd_007.jpg?fit=720%2C576&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/Pdvd_007.jpg?fit=720%2C576&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/Pdvd_007.jpg?fit=720%2C576&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/Pdvd_007.jpg?fit=720%2C576&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x"},"classes":[]},{"id":47983,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=47983","url_meta":{"origin":38679,"position":4},"title":"Scars You Can\u2019t Ignore (by HarpistforHim)","author":"HarpistforHim","date":"February 14, 2024","format":false,"excerpt":"Summary: Just when it seems like certain scars have begun to fade, a chance encounter sends Adam spiraling back into the torment that still follows him more than a year after Eastgate. 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