Summary: A sequel to The Friendship, The Guilty, The Tall Stranger, The Crucible, and The Storm.<\/p>\n
Jimmy Partridge. Margie Owens. Peter Kane. Laura White. Things were far from routine on the Ponderosa. His life \u2013 his family \u2013 was a shambles. That indefinable \u2018thing\u2019 that held them together, what made them \u2018the\u2019 Cartwrights, was lost.<\/p>\n
Ben Cartwright despaired of ever getting it back.<\/p>\n
Rated: PG-13 for brutality and Western style violence<\/p>\n
Word count: 55,298<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
The Beauty of Darkness<\/p>\n
I actually think sadness and darkness can be very beautiful and healing. Duncan Sheik<\/em><\/p>\n <\/p>\n ONE<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cHey, Hoss, have you seen Adam?\u201d<\/p>\n Joe Cartwright turned a corner, expecting to find his middle brother working in the barn, but the barn was empty.\u00a0 He\u2019d asked their pa, and Pa said he sent Hoss out to check on one of the horses that had injured its leg the night before.\u00a0 It was a big black beauty, twin brother to Concho, the skittish horse that had been spooked by a prison guard named Travis almost a year back and thrown him. \u00a0Joe shook his head as he moved forward.\u00a0 It was likely he would have been severely injured \u2013 or maybe even killed \u2013 if not for the intervention of one of the convicts Travis was guarding named Danny Kidd.\u00a0 They\u2019d given this horse the unlikely name of Silver since the pair were twins \u2013 after a silver Concho.\u00a0 The curly-haired man could see the horse now.\u00a0 Silver was in one of the back stalls tossing his head and snorting, like standing still was something he wouldn\u2019t tolerate for long.\u00a0 Crossing over, Joe leaned on the stall wall and gazed at the strong, well-muscled animal.\u00a0 He loved Cochise, but there was something special about a horse black as midnight.\u00a0 He\u2019d thought about keeping Concho for himself before giving him to Danny as a gift for his hard work in saving the animal when it foundered.\u00a0 A horse with a pure black coat was a magical thing \u2013 like riding it could take you to another place.<\/p>\n Joe shifted forward and cautiously reached out to the animal, speaking in soothing tones as he did.\u00a0 Silver\u2019s response was to blow air through his nostrils, fix him with his coal black eyes, and offer an unspoken challenge.<\/p>\n \u201cYou got it, boy,\u201d Joe said softly as he moved into the stall.\u00a0 \u201cWhen you\u2019re mended, you and I will see just how<\/em> fast you can fly.\u201d<\/p>\n \u2018You\u2019re playin\u2019 with fire there, Joe,\u201d a familiar voice remarked from close by.\u00a0 Joe turned to find Danny \u00a0Kidd had entered the barn.\u00a0 The ex-con hesitated by the door with his gear tossed over the shoulder of his deep blue shirt.\u00a0 \u201cConcho\u2019s brother ain\u2019t no more domesticated than he is.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe patted the animal\u2019s neck.\u00a0 \u201cConcho wouldn\u2019t have thrown me if that guard hadn\u2019t taken a shot at you for back-talking him,\u201d he replied, his tone was sober.\u00a0 As he turned toward his friend, his lips broke into a wry smile.\u00a0 \u201cSo I guess \u00a0it\u2019s all <\/em>your fault I took that ride.\u201d<\/p>\n Danny dropped the equipment to the ground and came to join him.\u00a0 \u201cThat was before I knew how hard your head was,\u201d he said as he leaned on one of the wooden rails.\u00a0 \u201cIf I\u2019d of knowed, I would have just let<\/em> him drag you all the way home.\u201d<\/p>\n Danny had, of course, found out how hard his skull was when the ex-con cracked him over it with a branch and knocked him out cold.\u00a0 Danny Kidd had known a hard life.\u00a0\u00a0 He\u2019d lost his parents at the age of five \u2013 the same age he\u2019d<\/em> been when his mother died \u2013 and been in prison by thirteen. \u00a0After his ma and pa died, Danny was sent to the poorhouse where he was harshly treated.\u00a0 When they\u2019d first met Danny, the then convict had explained how he attacked another child in the institution because the boy stole his slice of apple pie.<\/p>\n It was something Joe couldn\u2019t imagine; that kind of hunger or<\/em> that kind of rage.\u00a0 Maybe that was why he\u2019d formed an instant soft spot for the other man.<\/p>\n Danny was twenty-three when they met and he\u2019d never met anyone like him before.\u00a0 When he\u2019d asked how he could repay him, the chained and bound man lifted his shackled wrists and said \u2013 in so many words \u2013 \u2018Set me free\u2019.\u00a0\u00a0 He promised he would.\u00a0 Joe knew Danny didn\u2019t believe him, but he\u2019d gone to his pa, and his pa had gone to the governor, and the governor had granted Danny a pardon on two conditions: Number one, he had to stay out of trouble for a year.\u00a0 Number two….<\/p>\n Danny became his<\/em> responsibility.<\/p>\n It hadn\u2019t been easy in the beginning.\u00a0 There\u2019d been lots of missteps and misunderstandings, like the one with Bob Stevens who was jealous of the attention Ann Carter was paying the former convict at their house party.\u00a0 Bob told Ann\u2019s father all about Danny.\u00a0 The older man had been hopping mad that they\u2019d let an ex-convict dance with his daughter and promptly left.\u00a0 Ann, of course, being <\/em>Ann made a beeline straight back to the ranch to talk to Danny.\u00a0 Joe touched his head.\u00a0 He could almost feel the goose egg the wrist-thick branch had left when Danny cold-cocked him.\u00a0 Ann had flirted mercilessly with Danny and, when passions were aroused, pulled away leaving her blouse torn.\u00a0 Frightened of her father\u2019s reaction, she\u2019d blamed Danny.\u00a0 Like a complete idiot \u2013 like everyone<\/em> else \u2013 he\u2019d instantly jumped to the wrong conclusion, that Danny had been at fault.\u00a0 He threatened to return him to prison.\u00a0 That was when his friend rightly<\/em> let him have it.\u00a0 When he woke up an hour later, with his pa and brothers surrounding him, Pa told him the truth about Ann and what had happened.<\/p>\n He\u2019d been so ashamed.<\/p>\n In the end Danny made his own choice to remain at the ranch.\u00a0 It had been almost ten months now and there\u2019d been no more trouble.\u00a0 Then again, Danny wasn\u2019t taking any chances.\u00a0 He\u2019d chosen to remain apart \u2013 to become a loner \u2013 and didn\u2019t socialize much.\u00a0 His friend still had difficulty fitting in with the other men.\u00a0 There had been a few brawls in the space of those many months.\u00a0 One that had ended pretty badly.\u00a0 Still, Danny was trying to overcome the dark past that haunted him and move on.<\/p>\n Joe patted Silver\u2019s neck again and sighed.\u00a0 Just like he and his family were doing.<\/p>\n Danny must have sensed something.\u00a0 \u201cHow are you, Joe?\u201d<\/p>\n It was a question he avoided answering as often as it came up.\u00a0 \u201cYou know me,\u201d the curly-haired man said with a cock-eyed smile, \u201cI always come up kicking.\u201d<\/p>\n Danny had returned a little over a week before from a two month cattle drive to Texas.\u00a0 They\u2019d seen each other in passing since then, but this was the first time they\u2019d been alone.\u00a0 Patting the horse\u2019s nose one last time, Joe turned from it and headed for the barn door.\u00a0 Danny\u2019s next words stopped him.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m sorry I was away when…it happened.\u201d<\/p>\n It.<\/em><\/p>\n Laura\u2019s death.<\/p>\n How could such a profound thing be summed up with one word?<\/p>\n It.<\/p>\n Joe closed his eyes and puffed out a breath.\u00a0 It was hard to explain what thinking about Laura did to him.\u00a0 There were times now when it was almost like it never happened \u2013 like he hadn\u2019t planned a whole life with a beautiful woman that would never be.\u00a0 He could still see his brothers helping him fix up the cabin on the hill \u2013 the one he\u2019d planned to take his bride to. \u00a0They\u2019d all been so excited, working together side by side to make it happen. \u00a0So much had transpired in the last half year.\u00a0 Hoss losing Margie Owens.\u00a0 Laura\u2019s illness and\u2026death.\u00a0 Their Pa\u2019s guilt over the killing of Jimmy Partridge and his not being able to stop it.\u00a0 And Adam….good God!<\/em><\/p>\n Adam and Peter Kane.<\/p>\n It was like they were cursed or something.<\/p>\n \u201cJoe?\u00a0 Is there anything I can do to help?\u201d<\/p>\n Joe sniffed and forced a smile as he turned back, \u201cYou can help me find my big brothers.\u00a0 Pa\u2019s been looking for Adam.\u00a0 He thought Hoss might know where he is.\u201d\u00a0 He snorted.\u00a0 \u201cTrouble is, Hoss is missing too.\u201d<\/p>\n Danny accepted his reticence to talk about Laura as only a friend could \u2013 without a word and without offense.\u00a0 The other man crossed to where he had dropped the equipment near the door.\u00a0 As he picked it up, he said, \u201cI can\u2019t tell you where Adam is, but I can<\/em> tell you what direction he was headed.\u00a0 I saw him ride out about an hour ago.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe frowned.\u00a0 They were supposed<\/em> to go to town in a few hours \u2013 all<\/em> of them, together.\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cDid older brother say where was he going?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI didn\u2019t talk to him.\u201d\u00a0 Danny hesitated before adding quietly, \u201cHe didn\u2019t look like he wanted to be talked to.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe\u2019s scowl deepened.\u00a0 It had been two weeks since Adam\u2019s trial in the desert, and while big brother had been more introspective than normal of late \u2013 if that was possible \u2013 it appeared he had weathered the ordeal pretty well.\u00a0 Joe gnawed his lower lip.\u00a0 The ride home had seemed endless.\u00a0 Adam was a dead weight on the stretcher he\u2019d fashioned for Peter Kane, but that wasn\u2019t what slowed them down.\u00a0 It was their own guilt.<\/p>\n They\u2019d given up.<\/p>\n Pa felt that<\/em> worst of all.<\/p>\n Once in his own bed, older brother woke up.\u00a0 He was out of his head for two days.\u00a0 Doc Martin came out at Pa\u2019s request and took care of him for three.\u00a0 The Doc told them not to be worried.\u00a0 That kind of raving was to be expected from a man who\u2019d been severely dehydrated, let alone one who had suffered the kind of abuse older brother had.\u00a0 As they stood around Adam\u2019s bed on the third night, watching him sleep peacefully, the physician told them something else: older brother would soon be right as rain.<\/p>\n It was a lie.<\/p>\n Peckish, he\u2019d risen just after midnight and headed for the hall, intent on making his way to the kitchen and a snack.\u00a0 He halted when he heard hushed voices.\u00a0 It only took a second for Joe to realize who it was \u2013 the Doc and his pa.\u00a0 They were standing outside his brother\u2019s room.\u00a0 Doc Martin repeated what he\u2019d said earlier, that Adam\u2019s body had been through the mill and they were going to have to be patient with him.\u00a0 Then he added something new.\u00a0 The Doc explained how Adam going without water or any sustenance for such a long time might leave him physically impaired.\u00a0 Older brother might not be able to think clearly and his memory could fail, which could lead to a deep melancholia in a man who prided himself on how keen his mind was.\u00a0 The physician warned there could be personality changes as well.\u00a0 Paul Martin said nothing of the nature<\/em> of those changes, but \u2013 his voice falling even lower \u2013 hinted that the changes could be…well….permanent.<\/p>\n In other words, Adam might not be<\/em> Adam anymore.<\/p>\n Joe drew in a deep breath and let it out slowly, just like a man did when he was looking danger in the face and knew that fear and panic were about to overwhelm him.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019d offer you a penny for your thoughts,\u201d Danny said quietly, \u201cbut somehow I don\u2019t think I\u2019d want to own them.\u201d<\/p>\n The curly-haired man started.\u00a0 He\u2019d almost forgotten Danny was there.<\/p>\n Joe smiled his tight little smile.\u00a0 \u201cJust considering what I should do.\u00a0 Pa expects us to be ready to head out for supper soon.\u00a0 Margie Owen\u2019s pa and his sister are bringing her baby to town for a visit.\u00a0 George asked that \u2018Uncles\u2019 Joe, \u00a0Hoss, and Adam be there.\u201d\u00a0 He looked out the door.\u00a0 \u201cYou said you saw where Adam was headed?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cToward the Virginia City Road.\u00a0 Maybe he\u2019s got business in town and is planning to meet you at the hotel later on.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe stepped out of the barn.\u00a0 \u201cMaybe.\u00a0 Still, you\u2019d think he would have let one of us know.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cProbably slipped his mind,\u201d Danny offered as he followed.<\/p>\n \u201cYeah.\u201d<\/p>\n That\u2019s what happened when you had too much <\/em>on your mind.\u00a0 Little things \u2013 like courtesy \u2013 got crowded out.<\/p>\n Danny stared at him a moment.\u00a0 \u201cI don\u2019t know about you, Joe, but I could eat a horse right now,\u201d he said, deliberately brightening his tone.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m off to get some grub and then I\u2019m for bed.\u00a0 I don\u2019t envy you havin\u2019 to get all duded up so you can sit pretty in some restaurant bouncin\u2019 a baby on your knee and makin\u2019 small talk with women folk.\u201d\u00a0 The brown-haired man snorted.\u00a0 \u201cBoth always make me nervous.\u00a0 Night, Joe.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe waved his goodnight before turning back to the barn and closing the door.\u00a0 Unexpectedly, as he dropped the bar into place, a deep sense of loss hit him.\u00a0 Not only of the woman he loved, but of something else \u2013 something bigger <\/em>he couldn\u2019t quite put his finger on.\u00a0 The closest he could come was a sense of the passing of something unnamed \u2013 something of great and immense importance.\u00a0 It had to do with their family.\u00a0 In the last nine months they\u2019d all been wounded in one way or another, and instead of turning toward <\/em>each other, they\u2019d chosen to go their own way.\u00a0\u00a0 Like a fine bone china dish dropped in haste, the very nature <\/em>of what they were was shattered.\u00a0 What remained were four separate pieces; pieces it seemed not one of them was willing \u2013 or able \u2013 to stoop, pick up, and put back together.<\/p>\n Truth be told, the spirit had gone out of the lot of them.<\/p>\n Joe struck away a tear.<\/p>\n He wondered if they would ever find it again.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n He wondered if he would ever find it again.<\/p>\n Whatever \u2018it\u2019 was.<\/p>\n Adam Cartwright tipped his black hat back, exposing his face to the late afternoon sun.\u00a0 He rarely did that anymore, preferring to remain in the shadows.\u00a0 Masking emotions had become his vocation of late.\u00a0 The man in black snorted and shook his head.\u00a0 It was something like Hop Sing\u2019s reaction each time a citified woman with delicate sensibilities visited the Ponderosa kitchen.\u00a0 The Asian man would toss a cloth over the offal and shove the cow\u2019s remains into the ice box, as if that action alone could stem the process that was already underway; the process that changed food from something life-sustaining into a poison that could kill.<\/p>\n He\u2019d killed.<\/p>\n God!\u00a0 He\u2019d killed a man with his bare hands.<\/p>\n Kane might not have died when his fingers were on his throat, but die he did.<\/p>\n What kind of monster was he?<\/p>\n Adam drew in a long breath and let it out slowly.<\/p>\n No. \u00a0No.<\/p>\n It wasn\u2019t him.\u00a0 Peter Kane was<\/em> the monster.<\/p>\n He had to remember that.\u00a0 Whatever he\u2019d done, Kane had driven him to it. \u00a0He\u2019d been beaten down \u2013 broken \u2013 tormented and tortured; driven by hunger and fatigue to the point where he didn\u2019t know what he was doing.<\/p>\n Right.<\/p>\n He knew.<\/p>\n Adam\u2019s right eye twitched.\u00a0 He knew all right.<\/p>\n He knew a sick sort of joy as his fingers closed around Kane\u2019s throat, crushing the bastard\u2019s windpipe and choking the life out of him.\u00a0 In fact, he had never known<\/em> such joy.\u00a0 It was as if, single-handedly, he\u2019d rid the world of a blight that threatened to destroy it.\u00a0 At that moment, he had believed himself a savior \u2013 a \u2018good guy\u2019.<\/p>\n Wasn\u2019t that what all villains believed?<\/p>\n Was he a villain?<\/p>\n Would he ever know?<\/p>\n Adam sat for a moment, contemplating all that had happened since he had ridden out of the Ponderosa that fateful morning with his kid brother at his side.\u00a0 Then he dismounted and lost his breakfast.<\/p>\n Several times.<\/p>\n The thing that shamed him the most was that he was angry \u2013 not at Kane, not even at himself, but at Little Joe!\u00a0 His foolish younger brother who had elected to remain behind to watch a trial with a pre-ordained conclusion.\u00a0 What a stupid, frivolous, selfish thing to do!\u00a0 If Joe had been with him those men wouldn\u2019t have gotten the drop on him.\u00a0 Or even better, if Joe had not<\/em> been with him at all,<\/em> they would never have known he was carrying enough money to make it worth their while to waylay him.\u00a0 Either way, it was his little brother\u2019s fault, as so many things were his little brother\u2019s fault, as\u2026.<\/p>\n God, was he so petty?<\/p>\n So\u2026selfish?<\/p>\n Adam struck away spittle and sat back hard against a tree.\u00a0 He had to face the facts.\u00a0 If Little Joe had been with him, Kane could have used his brother against him \u2013 would<\/em> have used his brother.\u00a0 The villain would have reveled in torturing Little Joe and parading his misery before him.\u00a0 He might have had to \u2013 probably would <\/em>have watched his baby brother die.<\/p>\n Bastard was right.<\/p>\n Him<\/em>, that was.\u00a0 Not Joe.<\/p>\n Not Kane.<\/p>\n Adam snorted and then actually chuckled.\u00a0 Was there a note of Divine irony in all of this?\u00a0 What were the odds that the man who tortured, who humiliated<\/em> him would be named Kane?\u00a0 Kane, the first man who murdered \u2013 the slayer of his brother.<\/p>\n Adam lifted his hands.\u00a0 They were shaking.\u00a0 He was the first son, just like Cain, and like Kane, his hands had blood on them.<\/p>\n This time he didn\u2019t chuckle.\u00a0 He laughed, and the sound of it was insane.<\/p>\n Murderer.<\/p>\n Madman.<\/p>\n Peter Kane died in the desert.\u00a0 That was a fact.\u00a0 After all, he\u2019d dragged Kane\u2019s rotting corpse behind him for dozens of miles.\u00a0 But Kane wasn\u2019t dead.<\/p>\n The monster was still alive.<\/p>\n Alive within him<\/em>.<\/p>\n \u201cAdam?\u201d<\/p>\n It took a second for Adam to realize that the voice wasn\u2019t in his head.\u00a0 He\u2019d heard so many voices in his head over the last two weeks, he\u2019d almost lost track of how to distinguish reality from fantasy.\u00a0 He steeled himself before looking up at his kid brother.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat do you want?\u201d<\/p>\n Joe started and stepped back.\u00a0 He looked shaken.<\/p>\n Was the sound of his voice so harsh?<\/p>\n \u201cAre you\u2026okay?\u201d the kid asked.<\/p>\n He supposed another burst of insane laughter would be a poor reply.<\/p>\n Adam drew in a breath and put on his mask as he rose to his feet.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m fine.\u00a0 Why do you ask?\u201d<\/p>\n Joe\u2019s gaze went to his breakfast where it lay spewed on the ground, and then back to him.\u00a0 \u201cNo reason. \u00a0Pa sent me to look for you.\u00a0 He\u2019s ready to head into town.\u00a0 We thought\u2026.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYes?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cDanny told me\u2026.\u201d<\/p>\n Danny?<\/p>\n Ah, yes, Danny.<\/p>\n He and the ex-con had more in common than his little brother could guess.\u00a0 Danny had killed a boy over a slice of pie, while he\u2019d killed a man\u2026.<\/p>\n Why?<\/p>\n To prove a point?<\/p>\n \u201cDanny said you were on your way to Virginia City.\u00a0 He thought\u2026.\u201d\u00a0 Joe cleared his throat.\u00a0 \u201cWere you headed into town?\u201d<\/p>\n To be honest, he\u2019d had no idea where he was headed when he rode out of the yard.<\/p>\n Away?<\/p>\n Yes, away.<\/p>\n Away from Pa and his questions.\u00a0 Away from his brothers and their sympathetic eyes.\u00a0 Away from\u2026.<\/p>\n Himself.<\/p>\n \u201cAre you coming?\u201d Joe asked.<\/p>\n \u201cComing?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cTo dinner with Margie\u2019s pa and aunt.\u00a0 Adam, I know\u2026.\u201d\u00a0 His little brother paused.\u00a0 Joe\u2019s face screwed up like it did when he was going to laugh.<\/p>\n Only he didn\u2019t.<\/p>\n Laugh, that was.<\/p>\n \u201cI know you\u2019re hurting, Adam.\u00a0 Can I help?\u201d<\/p>\n Could he?<\/p>\n Could anyone?<\/em><\/p>\n Adam hesitated before speaking.\u00a0 \u201cJoe, can you do something for me?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cSure.\u00a0 Anything.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cCan you\u2026.\u00a0 Will you make my apologies for me?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou\u2019re not coming?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2026can\u2019t.\u201d\u00a0 The man in black cleared his throat.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2026can\u2019t make small talk and coo over a baby.\u00a0 I can\u2019t\u2026look at Hoss and forget all he\u2019s lost.\u00a0 All\u2026we\u2019ve all lost.\u201d\u00a0 Adam ran a shaky, sweaty hand over his face, feeling the stubble and realizing with a start that he\u2019d forgotten to shave.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2026.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe approached and placed a hand on his shoulder.\u00a0 It should have felt good.\u00a0 It should have felt like\u2026support.<\/p>\n Why did it feel like condemnation?<\/p>\n \u201cAdam?\u201d<\/p>\n The man in black looked up and into his brother\u2019s rich green eyes.\u00a0 He saw sympathy there, and fear.\u00a0 There was a question as well.\u00a0 One that didn\u2019t need to be voiced.<\/p>\n Was he\u2026.<\/p>\n Could he be\u2026.?<\/p>\n Lost?<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Lost.<\/p>\n So much had been lost.<\/p>\n Hoss stopped what he was doing.\u00a0 He held the brush suspended above Chubb\u2019s black coat and let out a long sigh.<\/p>\n \u201cMargie\u2026.\u00a0 Damn!\u201d<\/p>\n He didn\u2019t mean to say it.\u00a0 He\u2019d managed to keep her name off his lips and on the tip of his tongue this last month or so.\u00a0 In fact, he hadn\u2019t said Margie\u2019s name out loud since he\u2019d come home several months back, empty-armed and dreamin\u2019 of what might have been.\u00a0 The saddest sight he\u2019d ever see\u2019d was Margie lyin\u2019 there in that hospital bed in San Francisco.\u00a0 She\u2019d looked like she didn\u2019t have a friend in the world.\u00a0 That was wrong and he knew it.\u00a0 Margie knew it too, but somehow she\u2019d forgot.\u00a0 She\u2019d forgot him and her pa, and somehow gone and convinced herself that no one would care at all if she just upped and went away.<\/p>\n Hoss put the brush down so he could wipe away a tear.<\/p>\n He cared.\u00a0 He cared a lot.<\/em><\/p>\n There was a place in his heart that was empty and would never be full again on account of Margie wasn\u2019t there to fill it.<\/p>\n Margie was dead.<\/p>\n He had to face facts.\u00a0 She weren\u2019t never<\/em> gonna be there to fill it.<\/p>\n And he weren\u2019t never ever<\/em> gonna forgive God for that.<\/p>\n She loved him.\u00a0 He knew it.\u00a0 He\u2019d loved her too and they would have been happy if that there con man hadn\u2019t never come along.\u00a0 Pa\u2019d taught them from the time they was tykes that there weren\u2019t nothin\u2019 the Man upstairs wasn\u2019t aware of, so that meant God let it happen.\u00a0 That meant the Almighty knew all about Mark Connors and He done let<\/em> that villain come into their lives and woo Margie away with his sweet talk and his false promises of seein\u2019 the whole wide world with all its wonders.<\/p>\n The big man\u2019s fingers formed into fists. \u00a0Why?<\/p>\n WHY?<\/em><\/p>\n If he could of boxed God\u2019s ears, he would have done it with no regrets!<\/p>\n Their Pa\u2019d taught them since they was little\u2019uns that God\u2019s ways was the best ways.\u00a0 How could that be?\u00a0 How could Margie dyin\u2019 in such a state be for the good?<\/em>\u00a0 Hoss shook his head.\u00a0 No.<\/p>\n No.<\/p>\n God made a mistake.\u00a0 That\u2019s all there was to it.\u00a0 He must not have been watchin\u2019, else He wouldn\u2019t have let that bad man win her over with his honeyed words and ways.\u00a0 Margie, well, she\u2019d been the prettiest, the sweetest thing \u2013 the best<\/em> thing he\u2019d ever know\u2019d.\u00a0 What that man made her into\u2026what she\u2019d been forced do to those last few months just so\u2019s she could survive\u2026.\u00a0 It just wasn\u2019t right.\u00a0 Hoss looked at his fist and then rammed it into the stall wall.\u00a0 God abandoned her and let her die.<\/p>\n Just like God had abandoned him.<\/p>\n He loved Margie.\u00a0 She should have been his. \u00a0He should<\/em> have saved her.\u00a0 God<\/em> should have saved her\u2026.<\/p>\n But He didn\u2019t.<\/p>\n Hoss stared at the blood dripping from his fingers.\u00a0 Chubb shied at the smell.<\/p>\n \u201cSorry, boy,\u201d the big man said as he went back to brushing.\u00a0 \u201cI didn\u2019t meant it.\u201d<\/p>\n But he did.<\/p>\n He wanted to hurt someone.<\/p>\n He wanted someone to pay.<\/p>\n He just didn\u2019t know who.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Ben Cartwright stepped onto the porch of his Ponderosa.\u00a0 He turned from side to side.\u00a0 The yard was empty.<\/p>\n It was a reflection of his life.<\/p>\n Something had changed in the last month or so.\u00a0 Something had been lost \u2013 something significant, if not imperative.\u00a0 Each of his sons had been dealt a blow from which they might never recover.\u00a0 Adam, his eldest, had walked through Hell; driven to the brink by a madman who challenged everything he believed in.\u00a0 Hoss \u2013 not his youngest, but his most innocent<\/em> child \u2013 had shattered in the face of man\u2019s depravity. And Joseph?\u00a0 Dear sweet, hot-headed, intense and introspective Joseph \u2013 who had been on top of the world \u2013 had plummeted to the depths when the beautiful young woman he had given his heart to succumbed to an incurable illness.<\/p>\n The rancher sighed as he stepped off of the porch.\u00a0 And him?\u00a0 What of him?\u00a0 What of a father who stood by while the son of another father was killed?\u00a0 He was fine.\u00a0 As an older and wiser man, he was immune to such introspection and melancholy.<\/p>\n He was also a liar.<\/p>\n Ben\u2019s gaze went to the barn and then moved on to the corral where he imagined one of his boys on the back of a bucking bronco.\u00a0 He looked at the wood pile and saw Joseph chopping wood; the sweat making his chestnut curls spiral and trail before his eyes.\u00a0 He saw Adam sitting on the porch strumming his guitar.\u00a0 Hoss smiling at a new foal.\u00a0 Or, that\u2019s what he should have seen.\u00a0 Instead \u2013 each and every time he looked at one of his boys \u2013 he didn\u2019t see them.\u00a0 What he saw instead was Jimmy Partridge laying on the floor; his life-blood pouring out.\u00a0 He hadn\u2019t meant to let it happen.\u00a0 The choice had been out of his hands.\u00a0 Still, Jimmy was dead and his father, left a broken man.\u00a0 How would he have reacted if things had been the other way round?\u00a0 What if Lem had stood by while some outlaw killed one of his <\/em>sons?<\/p>\n Could he have forgiven?<\/p>\n Would <\/em>he have forgiven?<\/p>\n Had Lem truly forgiven him?<\/p>\n Could he forgive himself?<\/p>\n Ben ran a hand over his chin and frowned.\u00a0 His face was stubbly with distraction.\u00a0 He couldn\u2019t remember the last time he\u2019d shaved.\u00a0 He had a vague memory of Hop Sing chiding him for breaking his routine as he came down the stairs that morning, and a slightly stronger sense of the Asian man voicing his frustration when he dismissed his concern.\u00a0 No.\u00a0 Things were far<\/em> from routine.\u00a0 His life \u2013 his family \u2013 was a shambles.\u00a0 That indefinable \u2018thing\u2019 that held them together \u2013 what made them \u2018the\u2019 Cartwrights \u2013 was lost and Ben despaired of every getting it back.\u00a0 The rancher leaned a hand on the hitching rail and looked out toward the horizon.\u00a0 The last time he\u2019d felt this lost was after Joseph\u2019s mother died.\u00a0 Everything came down to \u2018before\u2019 Marie and \u2018after\u2019 Marie.\u00a0 Life became a dream, or more precisely, a nightmare.<\/p>\n One from which he feared he might never wake.<\/p>\n The Ponderosa had been assailed before.\u00a0 They\u2019d weathered brigands and thieves, deserters and desperados.\u00a0 Arrows had pierced the door and bullets shattered the window glass.\u00a0 Through it all, it had been the four of them \u2013 Pa, Adam, Hoss, and Little Joe.\u00a0 Together they could withstand anything.\u00a0 Together, they were everything.<\/em><\/p>\n Without each other they were nothing.<\/p>\n Ben looked again at the barn, noting its darkened interior.\u00a0 His gaze returned to the deserted corral.\u00a0 The yard was empty as well, as were the fields beyond it.<\/p>\n Empty.<\/p>\n Empty as their lives.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n TWO<\/p>\n \u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n Crockett Murdoch placed the cork back into the bottle of cheap whiskey he\u2019d just finished pouring, before shoving the glass across the counter. He nodded at the saloon\u2019s bouncer where he slouched by the batwing doors, indicating with a lift of one eyebrow that it would be the customer\u2019s last, before glancing over his shoulder. The noise coming out of the back room told him there was something there that needed looking into.<\/p>\n He didn\u2019t look.\u00a0 Instead he began to wipe down the counter.<\/p>\n Experience had taught him a long<\/em> time ago to keep his nose out of other people\u2019s business.<\/p>\n Besides, whoever it was grunting and groaning, probably deserved what they were getting.\u00a0 Life was like that.\u00a0 The Chinks in Chinatown had it right.\u00a0 They had a word for it.\u00a0 Or maybe it was two. \u00a0\u2018Ying\u2019 and \u2018yang\u2019.\u00a0 According to them there was a balance to everything.\u00a0 So if a man took a beating, why then, he\u2019d obviously done something to deserve it. \u00a0Somewhere back along the way that poor sucker who was getting the stuffing knocked out of him sure as Hell had knocked the stuffing out of someone else \u2013 or maybe his father had.\u00a0 It wasn\u2019t only the Chinese who said so, but the Good Book too.\u00a0 An eye for an eye.\u00a0 A tooth for a tooth.<\/p>\n A life for a slice of pie.<\/p>\n \u201cCrockett?\u201d<\/p>\n He kept polishing.\u00a0 \u201cYeah?\u201d<\/p>\n It was the bouncer \u2013 went by the name of Caesar \u2013 tall as San Jacinto peak and broad as the Sierras.\u00a0 \u201cMan just came in.\u00a0 He asked for you.\u201d<\/p>\n A nod of Caesar\u2019s head turned his in that direction.\u00a0 \u201cSo?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cSo\u2026I thought you\u2019d want to hear what he has to say.\u201d<\/p>\n He snorted as his rag bore down on a particularly dull spot.\u00a0 \u201cWhy?\u00a0 Is there something in it for me?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cCould be.\u00a0 Said his name\u2019s Travis.\u00a0 Says he knew your brother.\u201d<\/p>\n Crockett froze.\u00a0 He looked up.\u00a0 \u201cCassidy?\u201d<\/p>\n Caesar had no neck, so his chin touched his chest as he nodded.\u00a0 \u201cYeah.\u00a0 Cass.\u00a0 That was it.\u201d<\/p>\n The man behind the bar looked around the room, seeking the newcomer.<\/p>\n \u201cHe\u2019s at the table by the stair.\u00a0 The one in the shadows in the corner.\u00a0 Acted like he didn\u2019t want no one to see him.\u201d<\/p>\n Crockett turned and looked at the gilded clock on the shelf above the mirror.\u00a0 It was nearly eight.\u00a0 \u201cDo me a favor?\u00a0 I got ten more minutes.\u00a0 Ask him if he\u2019ll wait.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOh, he\u2019ll wait,\u201d Caesar said as he began to move away.<\/p>\n \u201cHow do you know?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHe told me to tell you that he\u2019d be there in that corner \u2018til you came, or \u2018til Hell froze over.\u201d<\/p>\n Again, he looked.<\/p>\n Again, he saw nothing.<\/p>\n Crockett put the cloth down.\u00a0 His fingers explored the darkness beneath the counter, stopping only when they encountered the cold, hard steel of his army service revolver.\u00a0 He made a quick business of concealing it beneath the apron he wore.\u00a0 Then he turned and picked up the pile of soiled linens and headed for the back room, which had fallen silent.<\/p>\n Balance.<\/p>\n It was all a man wanted, after all.\u00a0 You couldn\u2019t find peace if things were left undone.<\/p>\n His brother, Cass, knew it.<\/p>\n Sadly, he knew it better than most.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Joe reached out and caught the arm of the man who was waiting their table.\u00a0 In a low voice, he asked, \u201cDo you know what all the shouting is about?\u201d<\/p>\n The long thin man with a handlebar mustache let out an long thin sigh.\u00a0 \u201cWhy the management insists on leaving the door between the hotel and the saloon open, I will never understand!\u00a0 Just some riff-raff getting roughed up.\u201d\u00a0 He made a face.\u00a0 \u201cWith any luck, they\u2019ll kill each other and save the sheriff some grief.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOh.\u201d\u00a0 The curly-haired man eyed the open door longingly.\u00a0 Dying in a bar fight would be preferable to dying of boredom.<\/p>\n \u201cJoseph.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe winced before turning back.\u00a0 \u201cSorry, Pa.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhy, young man!\u201d Margie Owen\u2019s aunt said.\u00a0 \u201cOne would think we were boring you.\u201d<\/p>\n He sat up straight.\u00a0 \u201cBored?\u00a0 Who?\u00a0 Me?\u00a0 No, Ma\u2019am.\u00a0 I don\u2019t think that.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI don\u2019t think you\u2019re boring either,\u201d a light voice said.\u00a0 It carried a hint of a smile.<\/p>\n Any other time he wouldn\u2019t have been able to keep his eyes off its owner.\u00a0 Margie\u2019s aunt, Miss Ottelia Guilford, was a little younger than Pa and must have been a looker back in the days.\u00a0 The young woman to her left, who traveled with the maiden lady as both a companion to her and a wet nurse for Margie\u2019s baby, was one now.\u00a0 Her first name was Lessy and her last name was White, just like Laura\u2019s \u2013 \u2018Lessy\u2019 for Melissa \u2013 and \u2018stunning\u2019 didn\u2019t begin to describe her. You could hardly tell the difference between her napkin and the hand she laid on it, her skin was so white.\u00a0 Her hair, on the other hand, was black as midnight.\u00a0 She had one of those faces.\u00a0 You couldn\u2019t exactly say what it was made her beautiful.\u00a0 It wasn\u2019t just her crystal blue eyes, or her rose-pink lips.\u00a0 He\u2019d thought maybe it was the way she cocked her head and looked up with just the hint of a smile \u2013 like she\u2019d just done \u2013 but he\u2019d seen other girls do that.\u00a0 In the end, after watching her with Otie \u2013 as the older woman insisted they call her \u2013 he decided Lessy\u2019s beauty went deeper.\u00a0 She was kind and helpful and cheerful and loving.<\/p>\n Just like Laura.<\/p>\n Pa chuckled.<\/p>\n It took him a full five seconds to remember why.<\/p>\n \u201cIf there\u2019s anything Joseph is not<\/em>, it\u2019s boring,\u201d Pa said.<\/p>\n \u201cPa\u2026.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOh, never mind him, young man,\u201d Otie remarked.\u00a0 \u201cIt\u2019s been scientifically proven that all of this talk of times past and bygone days has the power to put one to sleep.\u00a0 Just look at dear sweet Jorie.\u201d<\/p>\n He\u2019d avoided doing that because it meant he had to look at Hoss.\u00a0 Joe felt his father\u2019s hand move beneath the table.\u00a0 It took hold of his own and gave it a squeeze.\u00a0 Margie\u2019s baby girl was a little over three months old and already she had a crown of golden curls just like her mother\u2019s.\u00a0 Her grandfather had named her Marjorie too, but called her Jorie.\u00a0 Hoss was fingering one of those curls.\u00a0 The big man had his head down, close to the baby\u2019s.\u00a0 He spoke softly to her and she cooed back in her sleep.\u00a0 When Joe saw them that way, he couldn\u2019t help but think that Margie\u2019s baby could have been his brother\u2019s \u2013 if things had gone different.<\/p>\n Or, if things had gone different, she could have been his.<\/p>\n \u201cI should probably take Jorie back to the house.\u00a0 It\u2019s way past her bedtime,\u201d Lessy said as she began to rise.<\/p>\n Joe stood immediately and went to that side of the table to help her out of her chair.<\/p>\n \u201cYou have the boy well-trained,\u201d George Owens mused.<\/p>\n \u201cI think the suit has something to do with it,\u201d Pa said with a grin.\u00a0 \u201cThey all seem to behave better when they are out of their chaps.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m sorry Adam couldn\u2019t make it,\u201d Margie\u2019s father said.\u00a0 \u201cI think he and Ottelia would have gotten along swimmingly.\u00a0 She used to trod the boards, you know.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe was pushing the chair back in.\u00a0 \u201cTrod the boards?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAct, young man,\u201d the older woman replied.\u00a0 \u201cYou wouldn\u2019t know it to look at me now, but I was Juliet once upon a time.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe thought a moment.\u00a0 \u201cA beauty too rich for use, for Earth too dear.\u201d<\/p>\n The older woman\u2019s eyes lit with surprise.\u00a0 \u201cYou know the Bard?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo, Ma\u2019am,\u201d he said with a wink.\u00a0 \u201cMy older brother Adam knows<\/em> him.\u00a0 Old Bill is more of a passing acquaintance to me.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou keep it quiet, little brother.\u00a0 You\u2019re gonna wake up little Jorie.\u201d<\/p>\n Lessy was at his brother\u2019s side.\u00a0 \u201cHere, Hoss.\u00a0 Let me take her.\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss looked like she\u2019d asked him to cut off an arm.\u00a0 \u201cDo I gotta?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou can come over to the house tomorrow, son,\u201d George said as he too started to rise.\u00a0 \u201cIt seems that the youngest member of the Owen household needs to go home, so we\u2019ll bid you goodnight.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOh no!\u00a0 You two stay and enjoy your company.\u00a0 Jorie and I will be fine,\u201d Lessy said.\u00a0 \u201cThe house is just at the edge of town and it\u2019s a lovely night for a walk.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNot alone, young lady. \u00a0This is neither Boston nor Baltimore.\u201d<\/p>\n The words were out of his mouth before he could stop himself.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019ll take her,\u201d Joe said.<\/p>\n He knew it.<\/p>\n He knew the hope those words brought to his father\u2019s heart.<\/p>\n \u201cWell, thank you, son, but I don\u2019t know.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cIt will be fine, George,\u201d Pa said quickly.\u00a0 \u201cJoseph can see Lessy to your house and stay there until we\u2019re done.\u00a0 I wanted to go over that bit of business we have before we left.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOh, dear!\u201d Otie fanned herself.\u00a0 \u201cPerhaps I should go with the young people!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cCan I go, Pa?\u201d Hoss asked as he reluctantly surrendered Jorie.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019d prefer it if you stayed.\u00a0 This has to do with you as well.\u201d<\/p>\n George Owen wanted to buy some land from Pa.\u00a0 He said he found the house where he\u2019d raised Margie too sad to stay in and wanted to build a new one.\u00a0 Hoss and Adam were older than him and had already staked out some parts of the Ponderosa they wanted when the time came.\u00a0 Hoss had even given Pa some money toward one particular plot where he hoped he and Margie would settle.\u00a0 Middle brother wanted George to have that land.<\/p>\n Hoss nodded slowly, his eyes still on Jorie where she lay nuzzled up against Lessy\u2019s breast.\u00a0 \u201cYes, sir.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWe\u2019ll be about an hour, Joseph.\u00a0 You be sure to take good care of Miss White until we get there.\u201d<\/p>\n He had no idea why he\u2019d volunteered.\u00a0 The last thing he wanted to do was spend an hour with a beautiful young woman and a baby.<\/p>\n \u201cYes, sir.\u201d\u00a0 He turned to Lessy.\u00a0 \u201cIf you give me your check, I\u2019ll go get your cloak.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThank you,\u201d she said as she handed him the little slip of paper.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019ll just wrap Jorie up against the night air.\u201d<\/p>\n A few minutes later they were on their way.\u00a0 Pa was right.\u00a0 Lessy shouldn\u2019t have been walking around Virginia City by herself this time of night.\u00a0 It was eight o\u2019clock, the sun was down, and the path to the Owens\u2019 house took her past several saloons including the one attached to the International House where they\u2019d been dining.\u00a0 He looked in as they passed the batwing doors. \u00a0One of the hostesses saw him and shouted his name.\u00a0 Joe felt the call.\u00a0 A man could lose himself in a saloon amidst the low lights, cheerful music, and cheap whiskey.<\/p>\n But he wouldn\u2019t.<\/p>\n Forgetting himself in another woman\u2019s arms was no way to remember Laura.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Crockett Murdoch dropped into an empty chair in the darkened corner. The man across the table from him grunted but said nothing as he lifted his whiskey glass, emptied it, and then gestured to a passing girl for another. The stranger had an ordinary face.\u00a0 It was a little too fleshed out \u2013 maybe even jowly \u2013 with pale blue eyes small as a pig\u2019s.\u00a0 His nose was long with the tip turned down toward his lips.\u00a0 His lips turned down too.\u00a0 The funny thing was, even though they turned down, he looked like he was smiling.<\/p>\n At someone\u2019s funeral.<\/p>\n \u201cCaesar said you were looking for me,\u201d Crockett announced as a saloon girl named Julie placed a glass of whiskey before the stranger and one in front of him too.<\/p>\n \u201cOn the house,\u201d she said.<\/p>\n \u201cOwner know?\u201d he asked.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat that bastard doesn\u2019t know won\u2019t hurt him,\u201d Julie replied with a smirk and a smart swish of her voluminous skirts as she moved away.<\/p>\n \u201cPretty girl,\u201d the stranger said.\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cMust be a new one.\u201d<\/p>\n Crockett took a sip of the whiskey and relished the liquid fire as it burned its way to his empty belly before speaking.\u00a0 \u201cOwner has her waiting tables \u2013 and that\u2019s it.\u00a0 She draws them in, especially the princes.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cPrinces?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThe sons of rich men.\u00a0 The pretty boys with all that precious metal burning a hole in their pocket.\u201d\u00a0 He put the glass down with a decided \u2018clink\u2019.\u00a0 \u201cNow, you gonna tell me what you want or am I gonna have to have Caesar shake it out of you?\u201d<\/p>\n The man licked his lips.\u00a0 \u201cIs Joseph Cartwright one of them pretty boys?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhat if he is?\u201d<\/p>\n The stranger leaned forward.\u00a0 \u201cI got me a score to settle with Little Joe Cartwright and you do too.\u201d<\/p>\n Crockett knew the boy.\u00a0 The youngest Cartwright came in most often with his brothers though, every now and then, when Little Joe was down \u2013 or up to raising hell \u2013 he came alone.\u00a0\u00a0 Sometimes he stopped in to talk to Julie.\u00a0 He\u2019d even heard the boy offer her money one time so she could take the stage and go back home.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat\u2019s Joe Cartwright ever done to me?\u201d he asked.<\/p>\n \u201cBroke Danny Kidd out of prison.\u201d<\/p>\n Crockett\u2019s knuckles went white on the glass.\u00a0 \u201cWhat?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou haven\u2019t been here long, have you?\u201d the stranger asked.\u00a0 \u201cAbout three months or so?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhy do you want to know, and what\u2019s it got to do with Danny Kidd?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWell, let me tell you.\u201d\u00a0 The piggy man settled back in his chair.\u00a0 \u201cUp until about a year ago I had me a good job.\u00a0 I was a prison guard.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWas?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWas<\/em>.\u00a0 Thanks to Joe Cartwright I ain\u2019t no more.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhat happened?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThe warden sent me with a bunch of those caged animals to the Ponderosa to build a road for the territory. \u00a0I was doin\u2019 fine until mister high-and-mighty Joseph Cartwright came riding by to check up on me and see if I was treatin\u2019 them animals all nice and proper like they deserved.\u201d\u00a0 He snorted.\u00a0 \u201cDanny Kidd, he starts back-talkin\u2019 me and I let off a warnin\u2019 shot to let him know who\u2019s in charge.\u00a0 It spooked the Cartwright kid\u2019s horse and it tossed him.\u00a0 Got his foot caught in the stirrup.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAnd it took off?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWould have killed him too if Kidd hadn\u2019t stopped the horse.\u201d<\/p>\n Crockett leaned back in his chair.\u00a0 \u201cSo Danny Kidd saved Joe Cartwright\u2019s life?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cSaved Cartwright\u2019s life and cost me my job.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHow come?\u201d<\/p>\n He rolled his eyes.\u00a0 \u201cCartwright, you see, he asks Danny Kidd what he can do to repay him? \u00a0Now, I ask you, what\u2019s one of them animals gonna do but whine and say, \u2018Get me out of prison\u2019?\u00a0 Joe Cartwright, he goes home to his papa and asks him if he can do just that.\u00a0 They come to the penitentiary and the molly-coddled little brat tells the warden what happened \u2013 as he sees it.\u201d\u00a0 The stranger tossed back the last of his whiskey.\u00a0 \u201cBen Cartwright, he\u2019s got ties with the governor, so what do you<\/em> think happened when Kidd told the warden I almost got Joe Cartwright killed?\u201d\u00a0 The man shook his head.\u00a0 \u201cWasn\u2019t my fault.\u00a0 It was Kidd\u2019s \u2013 that back-talkin\u2019con.\u00a0 He\u2019s the one made me shoot off that gun.\u201d<\/p>\n The man was obviously a brute and most likely deserved what he got.\u00a0 Still, it seemed the fates had aligned to bring them together for one thing.<\/p>\n \u201cDid Kidd get released?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cDamn straight.\u00a0 He got released and I got fired!\u201d\u00a0 The stranger signaled Julie again.\u00a0 She looked at him, knowing the man had already had one too many.\u00a0 Crockett considered it and then nodded.<\/p>\n Loose lips and all that.<\/p>\n \u201cSo where is Kidd now?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cStill on the Ponderosa.\u00a0 Like I said, you\u2019re new in these parts or you\u2019d know.\u201d<\/p>\n He wasn\u2019t sure he would recognize Danny Kidd.\u00a0 The con had been a kid the last time he\u2019d seen him.\u00a0 Hell, he\u2019d<\/em> been a kid.\u00a0 He could have even served him a drink and not known it.<\/p>\n The thought made him burn.<\/p>\n \u201cKidd don\u2019t come to town much,\u201d the other man explained.\u00a0 \u201cKeeps to himself most of the time.\u00a0 Back when he first came to Ben\u2019s spread there was some trouble.\u00a0 I heard Joe Cartwright almost sent him back, but didn\u2019t.\u00a0 Seems they made some kind of a deal with the warden. \u00a0Danny Kidd has to stay out of trouble for a year or it\u2019s back in chains.\u201d<\/p>\n So that was it.<\/p>\n \u201cI take it, then, that you intend to stir up some trouble before<\/em> the end of the year?\u201d<\/p>\n The man nodded.<\/p>\n \u201cAnd you would like some help?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI got me a couple of boys, name of Teller and Stevens.\u00a0 Joe Cartwright went and got his daddy to fire them on account of Danny Kidd.\u00a0 I figure between them and my boys \u2013 and you and whoever you got \u2013 we got us enough.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cEnough?\u00a0 Not too many?\u201d<\/p>\n The stranger leaned in and lowered his voice.\u00a0 \u201cYou and me, I think we got the same thing in mind.\u00a0 Them others, well, they ain\u2019t as\u2026committed.\u201d<\/p>\n Crockett stifled his laugh.\u00a0 The other man had no<\/em> idea.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat\u2019s your name?\u201d he asked.<\/p>\n \u201cTravis,\u201d the former prison guard replied.\u00a0 \u201cTravis Mudge.\u201d<\/p>\n Why<\/em> was he not surprised?<\/p>\n He held out his hand.\u00a0 \u201cWell, Mister Mudge, you have a deal \u2013 pending our agreement on certain details.\u201d<\/p>\n Travis looked at his hand.\u00a0 \u201cCertain details?\u00a0 What are you expectin\u2019 in return?\u201d<\/p>\n What did he expect?\u00a0 Not much.<\/p>\n Ying yang.<\/p>\n An eye for an eye.<\/p>\n Balance.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cThank you for seeing me home, Joe.\u201d<\/p>\n Lessy was smiling at him.\u00a0 He smiled back.\u00a0 \u201cYou\u2019re welcome.\u201d\u00a0 He\u2019d taken her cloak off and was hanging it on the gilt and mahogany coat stand by the door.\u00a0 \u201cCan I do anything to help?\u201d<\/p>\n She laughed.\u00a0 \u201cThank you, but no.\u00a0 I need to feed Jorie and put her to bed.\u201d<\/p>\n It took a second before what he\u2019d said \u2013 and what she<\/em> said \u2013 sunk in.\u00a0 He blushed.<\/p>\n \u201cYou\u2019re sweet.\u201d\u00a0 Lessy unexpectedly gave him a peck on the cheek.\u00a0 \u201cYou just wait here and I\u2019ll be back.\u00a0 It will take about twenty minutes, I imagine.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe watched her mount the stairs and then stood at the bottom, completely lost.\u00a0 He\u2019d been in George Owens home as a boy and thought he remembered the layout fairly well, so he headed to the left toward what he reckoned was the parlor.\u00a0 The room was cold when he got there and he took it upon himself to kindle the fire and make sure it was blazing.\u00a0 He was glad for the work.\u00a0 It gave him something else to do other than sit and think about where he was and who he was with and how that reminded him of who he wasn\u2019t with and where he wasn\u2019t.<\/p>\n Before\u2026Kane\u2026happened, he and Adam had talked about..well\u2026Laura.\u00a0 Big brother didn\u2019t try to comfort him.\u00a0 They just sat side by side on the porch of the cabin they\u2019d fixed up for the two of them and spoke about everything \u2013 life, love, good and bad luck, and loss.\u00a0 At one point Adam started \u2018waxing poetic\u2019 as he liked to call it.\u00a0 One thing he said stuck with him.\u00a0 It came from a poem.\u00a0 \u2018Grief, a leech to the heart, sucks until paling, happiness dies.\u2019\u00a0 Adam didn\u2019t mean it as a statement so much as a warning.\u00a0 Older brother was trying to tell him that he had to let go; that he had to move on if he was to survive.\u00a0 The trouble was, he didn\u2019t want to.\u00a0 Letting go \u2013 moving on \u2013 felt like he was betraying Laura.<\/p>\n And he couldn\u2019t do that.<\/p>\n \u201cJoe?\u201d<\/p>\n He jumped a bit \u2013 and then laughed.\u00a0 \u201cHey.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cSorry if I startled you.\u201d<\/p>\n He had taken a seat on the settee near the fire.\u00a0 Truth to tell he\u2019d stoked it a little too much and the color was high in his cheeks.\u00a0 Joe rose as the young woman entered the room.<\/p>\n \u201cOh, don\u2019t get up,\u201d she said.\u00a0 \u201cYou look like you belong there.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOn a settee?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAs master of the house.\u201d<\/p>\n He grinned.\u00a0 \u201cYou got me wrong, I can tell you.\u00a0 I\u2019m more at home on the back of a horse than in a place like this.\u201d\u00a0 He pulled at the collar of his white shirt.\u00a0 \u201cAnd in a work shirt and chaps.\u201d<\/p>\n Lessy tilted her head and the firelight glinted off her lustrous black mane, turning it to bronze.\u00a0 \u201cIt\u2019s hard for me to see, but then I don\u2019t know you very well.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou should come out to the Ponderosa,\u201d he said, and instantly regretted it.<\/p>\n She came to his side and took a seat.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019d like that.\u00a0 We don\u2019t have cowboys where I come from.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAnd where is that?\u201d he asked as he moved to a chair opposite.<\/p>\n \u201cBoston, by way of Baltimore.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cBy way of?\u201d<\/p>\n She curled up in the corner of the settee, lifting her legs and showing just a bit of ankle as she did.\u00a0 \u201cI was born in Boston.\u00a0 My husband came from Baltimore.\u201d<\/p>\n Of course she had a husband.\u00a0 She was a wet nurse.\u00a0 That meant she\u2019d been married and had a baby.<\/p>\n And lost it.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m sorry,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n \u201cThat I\u2019m from Baltimore or that I was married?\u201d<\/p>\n His face flushed even higher.\u00a0 \u201cNeither.\u00a0 Both.\u00a0 Er\u2026\u201d\u00a0 Joe swallowed over his embarrassment.\u00a0 \u201cThat I\u2019m an idiot.\u201d<\/p>\n Lessy laughed, but sobered quickly.\u00a0 \u201cI suppose you would like to know how I came to be with Mrs. Guilford.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOnly if you want to tell me.\u201d<\/p>\n Lessy cocked her head and stared at him for several heartbeats.\u00a0 \u201cI will, but only because I sense you are a kindred spirit.\u00a0 I think you know what it is to have loved and lost.\u201d<\/p>\n He didn\u2019t know what to say.<\/p>\n The young woman leaned on her hand and looked toward the window.\u00a0 \u201cHis name was Brown.\u201d\u00a0 She smiled.\u00a0 \u201cIt\u2019s a funny name, I know \u2013 Brown White \u2013 but it was his mother\u2019s maiden name.\u00a0 We were married about this time around two years ago.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe cleared his throat.\u00a0 \u201cWere?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cBrown died before his child was born.\u00a0 It was one of the sicknesses that swept through the city.\u00a0 We went to a party Saturday night.\u00a0 He was fine.\u00a0 We woke up Sunday morning.\u00a0 He fell ill and was dead by Sunday night.\u201d\u00a0 She held his gaze.\u00a0 \u201cDead.\u00a0 Gone.\u00a0 In an instant.\u201d<\/p>\n He didn\u2019t know what to say.<\/p>\n Lessy stirred,\u00a0 She sat up and turned toward him.\u00a0 \u201cI found out I was pregnant shortly after that.\u00a0 Brown never knew.\u00a0 I was so\u2026overjoyed that a part of him still remained with me.\u00a0 I dreamed\u2026.\u201d\u00a0 Her voice cracked as she choked.\u00a0 \u201cI dreamed of the life we would have together, his child and mine.\u00a0 My child.\u00a0 My son.\u00a0 My daughter\u2026.\u201d<\/p>\n When she said nothing more, Joe found the courage \u2013 somewhere \u2013 to ask, \u201cWhat happened?\u201d<\/p>\n Lessy\u2019s jaw grew tight and she blinked back tears.\u00a0 \u201cEverything was fine.\u00a0 Brown\u2019s father insisted I see a physician and he said everything was fine.\u00a0 The baby\u2026.\u201d\u00a0 Her voice fell.\u00a0 Became hushed.\u00a0 \u201cShe was so beautiful.\u00a0 So..perfect.\u201d\u00a0 A little sob escaped her.\u00a0 \u201cToo perfect for this world.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe didn\u2019t know what else to do.\u00a0 He rose and went to her.\u00a0 For a moment he stood at her side and then took a seat on the settee. \u00a0Lessy looked at him, gave him a weak smile, and then dropped her head.<\/p>\n He put his hand on hers.<\/p>\n \u201cMister Owens contacted his sister, Otie, about finding a wet nurse for Jorie,\u201d she said at last.\u00a0 \u201cShe\u2019s a friend of my father\u2019s.\u00a0 Papa knew\u2026.\u201d\u00a0 Lessy sucked in air.\u00a0 \u201cJorie needed a mama and I needed….\u201d<\/p>\n Joe felt like a heel.\u00a0 Here he was, feeling sorry for himself and thinking that what had happened to him was the worst<\/em> thing that could possibly have happened.\u00a0 His pain was sharp, it was deep, but it was nothing when compared to Lessy\u2019s.\u00a0 She\u2019d lost her husband \u2013 her love \u2013 and seen their child born and<\/em> buried.<\/p>\n She\u2019d lost everything.<\/p>\n \u201cIs there anything I can do?\u201d he asked gently.<\/p>\n Lessy buried her head in his shoulder. \u00a0\u201cWould you\u2026would you just hold me?\u201d<\/p>\n It was almost more than he could bear, but he did it.\u00a0 Then, as he wrapped his arms around Lessy and held her tightly, Joe did something else he thought he could never do.<\/p>\n He let go of Laura just a little bit.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n THREE<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cJoseph?\u201d<\/p>\n Little Joe Cartwright stopped what he was doing and looked over his shoulder.\u00a0 It was late morning and he was saddling his horse in preparation for riding out.\u00a0 One of the men had come in an hour before with word that a section of the north fence was down. \u00a0Might have been a wash of the nearby stream, Thom said, but he wasn\u2019t sure.\u00a0 He thought there was something fishy about it and wanted someone else to take a look.\u00a0 Joe had considered telling his pa about it, but decided it wasn\u2019t worth bothering him.<\/p>\n Looked like he\u2019d be telling him now.<\/p>\n \u201cHey, Pa,\u201d he said as he finished pulling on the cinch strap and turned toward the older man.\u00a0 \u201cWhat\u2019s up?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHave you seen your brother?\u201d<\/p>\n Now, there was a loaded question if he\u2019d ever heard one.<\/p>\n \u201cWhich one?\u201d<\/p>\n The older man\u2019s gaze moved to the horizon.\u00a0 \u201cEither,\u201d he said.\u00a0 \u201cBoth.\u201d<\/p>\n He\u2019d seen Hoss ride out just as he reached the barn.\u00a0 He\u2019d kind of been expecting it.\u00a0 The ride home the night before from the Owens\u2019 house had been made in silence.\u00a0 Pa was stoic.\u00a0 He\u2019d been, well, kind of sad.\u00a0 Mostly for Lessy.<\/p>\n Hoss was angry.\u00a0 So angry that, about half the way home, middle brother put his heels to Chubb\u2019s side and sent the black flying for the Ponderosa, leaving the pair of them in the dust.<\/p>\n Around four a.m., he\u2019d heard the big man head downstairs.\u00a0 About half an hour later the front door opened and closed with a bang! \u00a0Joe glanced at his father.\u00a0 He was sure Pa had heard that too.\u00a0 It would have been kind of hard to miss.<\/p>\n \u201cHoss left just as I got here.\u00a0 He didn\u2019t say where he was going.\u00a0 Adam\u2026.\u201d\u00a0 Joe hesitated.\u00a0 \u201cI think Adam needs to be alone.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThe last thing either of your brothers needs is to be left alone!\u201d Pa snapped, and then regretted it.\u00a0 A bemused smile lit the older man\u2019s face as he placed a hand on his shoulder.\u00a0 \u201cWho would have guessed that you would be the one<\/em> son I could rely on?\u201d<\/p>\n That smarted a little, but then he deserved it. \u00a0He wasn\u2019t<\/em> always reliable.\u00a0 \u201cNot me,\u201d Joe replied with a little laugh.<\/p>\n It took a moment before his father realized what he had said.\u00a0 \u201cJoe, I didn\u2019t mean it that\u2026.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019s okay, Pa. \u00a0It just took me a bit longer to grow up.\u00a0 I\u2019m twenty now and just plain boring.\u201d<\/p>\n Pa laughed this time.\u00a0 \u201cYou will never be that!\u201d<\/p>\n He laughed too.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m worried about your brothers.\u00a0 Worried that Hoss is so filled with emotion and Adam seems so\u2026emotionless.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThey\u2019ll find their way, Pa.\u201d<\/p>\n The older man\u2019s keen black eyes fastened on him.\u00a0 \u201cWill they?\u00a0 Are you sure?\u00a0 I have seen far less take a man down, or turn him into someone he doesn\u2019t know. \u00a0Someone no one<\/em> knows.\u201d<\/p>\n He understood his father\u2019s distress.\u00a0 He felt it too.\u00a0 The problem was, he\u2019d talked to both of his brothers and neither one of them would listen.\u00a0 It was <\/em>odd, him being the strong one.<\/p>\n No, it was downright wrong. <\/em><\/p>\n \u201cDo you want me to try to find them?\u201d<\/p>\n Pa lifted his hand.\u00a0 \u201cNo.\u00a0 Not yet.\u00a0 Let\u2019s give them some time.\u00a0 If they\u2019re still missing at supper, we\u2019ll go looking \u2013 the pair of us.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe gave him a little smile.\u00a0 \u201cSounds good.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cSon?\u201d<\/p>\n He\u2019d started for his horse.\u00a0 \u201cYes, sir?\u201d he asked, turning back.<\/p>\n \u201cHow are you?\u201d<\/p>\n Three words.<\/p>\n Three words and they had the power to lay him flat in the dirt.<\/p>\n Joe\u2019s jaw grew tight.\u00a0 His impulse was to say \u2018fine\u2019.\u00a0 It was his routine answer to any question that implied he was less than one hundred percent sound both mentally and physically.\u00a0 He thought a moment before replying with uncharacteristic honesty.<\/p>\n \u201cI hurt, Pa, but I\u2019ll mend.\u00a0 After all, you did \u2013 three times.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYes, but you are not me.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe nodded.\u00a0 This time his voice was rough.\u00a0 \u201cI felt\u2026.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t think I could survive, but, well, I realized I\u2019m not the only one in pain, and that there are those who are in far more pain than me.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cDoes this have to do with Mrs. White?\u201d<\/p>\n It seemed funny to hear Lessy called that.\u00a0 It made her seem\u2026old\u2026somehow.<\/p>\n \u201cShe\u2019s lost so much, Pa.\u00a0 Her husband.\u00a0 Her child.\u00a0 And yet\u2026.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYet?\u201d<\/p>\n He wouldn\u2019t say the young woman was happy, but she was<\/em> content.\u00a0 After she\u2019d cried her eyes out, they\u2019d talked about just about everything from the time of day to the end<\/em> of days.\u00a0 When he got ready to leave, Lessy reminded him of a scripture Pa liked to quote \u2013 the one from Jeremiah about God having plans for a man\u2019s future; plans to help and not to harm him.\u00a0 She\u2019d laughed when he told her that was hard for a man to reconcile with what the four of them had been through of late.\u00a0 \u2018<\/em>I actually think sadness and darkness can be very beautiful and healing,\u2019 she said. \u00a0\u2018Something good will come of it.\u2019<\/p>\n Something already had.<\/p>\n He\u2019d met her.<\/p>\n \u201cJoseph?\u201d<\/p>\n He blushed.\u00a0 \u201cSorry, Pa. \u00a0I was thinking.\u00a0 Lessy told me something good would come out of all this bad.\u00a0 She said I just had to give it time.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cA very wise woman.\u201d\u00a0 Pa drew in a breath and let it out slowly.\u00a0 \u201cYes, time.\u00a0 We need to give your brothers time.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe grinned.\u00a0 \u201cAt least \u2018til supper, right?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHey, Joe!\u201d<\/p>\n He turned with Pa to see who had shouted.\u00a0 Danny Kidd had appeared.\u00a0 He was seated in a wagon laden with supplies and directed the vehicle their way.<\/p>\n \u201cMister Cartwright, I\u2019m sure I don\u2019t know what to make of this here son of yours.\u00a0 Here I am all kitted up and ready to roll and he hasn\u2019t finished checkin\u2019 his saddle!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI know,\u201d Pa said, his voice rumbling with hidden laughter.\u00a0 \u201cThe boy\u2019s a slacker, I tell you \u2013 a slacker!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHe better be a slicker<\/em> too,\u201d Danny said with an eye on the sky.\u00a0 \u201cThere\u2019s a storm coming.\u201d<\/p>\n Pa looked.\u00a0 The sky was a brilliant blue.\u00a0 There wasn\u2019t a cloud visible and the breeze was gentle, if a bit warm. \u00a0\u201cOh?\u00a0 How can you tell?\u201d<\/p>\n Danny\u2019s look darkened just a bit.\u00a0 He rubbed his right thigh with his knuckles.\u00a0 \u201cIt\u2019s an old wound, from the poorhouse.\u00a0 Always complains when rains comin\u2019 its way.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWell, then, the two of you had best get going \u2013 wherever you\u2019re going, that is!\u201d<\/p>\n Joe had finished his check list and swung up into the saddle.\u00a0 \u201cWe\u2019re gonna meet Thom Barker up in the north pasture.\u00a0 I told him I\u2019d help him mend that fence.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWithout checking with your old man?\u201d Pa asked with a wink.<\/p>\n \u201cI figured I\u2019d be there and back before you noticed I was missing.\u201d<\/p>\n The sadness returned.\u00a0 \u201cI always know when one of you boys are missing.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019ll keep an eye out for Adam and Hoss, Pa.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cGod keep you safe,\u201d the older man said<\/p>\n Joe nodded as he put knees to horse flesh.<\/p>\n What did you say to that?<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cI don\u2019t know, Thom.\u00a0 You really think this was deliberate?\u201d<\/p>\n Thom Barker shrugged.\u00a0 \u201cI just don\u2019t see how a rush of water could have pulled the stakes out and tossed them that far.\u201d<\/p>\n Adam frowned.\u00a0 At first glance it appeared the nearby stream had overflowed its banks, pushing rocks and bracken before it, and that the rocks and bracken had knocked the posts out of their holes.\u00a0 If that had been the case, normally, they would have been carried a few feet at most.\u00a0 Thom had found three several yards <\/em>away, laying at an odd angle.<\/p>\n \u201cYou think it could be rustlers?\u201d Thom asked.<\/p>\n He didn\u2019t know what<\/em> he thought.\u00a0 If it was<\/em> rustlers, they were either careless or stupid.\u00a0 The only ground cover nearby was a clump of trees.\u00a0 Maybe if they were planning on moving the cattle under cover of darkness\u2026.<\/p>\n \u201cYou said Little Joe\u2019s on his way?\u201d he asked.<\/p>\n Thom nodded.\u00a0 \u201cHe\u2019s comin\u2019 and bringin\u2019 Danny Kidd with him, along with supplies.\u201d<\/p>\n That didn\u2019t surprise him.\u00a0 The pair had practically been inseparable since Kidd\u2019s return.\u00a0 If he\u2019d been the kind of man to muse \u2013 and he was \u2013 he\u2019d have wondered about the Fates bringing the pair together, and especially in the way they had.\u00a0 Still, almost a year had passed and so far Danny had proven an able, if not exemplary employee, as well as \u2013 wonder of wonders \u2013 a good influence on his little brother.<\/p>\n \u201cI suppose I should wait until Joe gets here,\u201d he said with a sigh.<\/p>\n \u201cYou got somewhere to go?\u201d<\/p>\n Adam\u2019s lips twisted with a wry smile.\u00a0 \u201cNo.\u201d<\/p>\n Thom stuttered something and moved away.<\/p>\n The man in black stared at the ranch hand\u2019s back for a moment and then his gaze returned to the stream.\u00a0 It was running fast and hard with the recent rains.\u00a0 He knelt on the bank to examine the area where it appeared the rush of water had overwhelmed it.\u00a0 The ground had an oddly consistent look to it, as if a shovel or some other implement had been applied.\u00a0 Adam rose and looked around, noting said \u2018clump\u2019 of trees and wondering if there was someone there now watching him and Thom.\u00a0 What he couldn\u2019t figure out was \u2018why\u2019.\u00a0 If it was <\/em>rustlers, they would have to know their actions would arouse suspicions.<\/p>\n Was that the point?<\/p>\n \u201cHere they come!\u201d<\/p>\n He pivoted in Thom\u2019s direction.\u00a0 Sure enough there were two specks on the horizon \u2013 one riding high and the other low.\u00a0 Adam watched a moment and then shook his head.\u00a0 The fool kids were racing.<\/p>\n Danny must have those supplies seriously secured!<\/p>\n Joe arrived first, both he and Cochise breathless.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat do you think you\u2019re doing?\u201d Adam asked, his tone put-out.<\/p>\n \u201cFeelin\u2019 his oats,\u201d Thom muttered.<\/p>\n Joe slipped from the saddle and headed toward him.\u00a0 \u201cIt\u2019s okay, older brother.\u00a0 Some of us don\u2019t cotton to slow and steady.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo, you \u2018cotton\u2019 to fast and reckless.\u201d\u00a0 A shiver of fear ran through him.\u00a0 \u201cOne of these days, Joe, you\u2019re going to break your neck.\u201d<\/p>\n Baby brother turned.\u00a0 The look out of those great green eyes was surprisingly sharp.\u00a0 \u201cLike you\u2019d care.\u201d<\/p>\n He caught his shoulder. \u00a0\u201cWhat do you mean by that?\u00a0 Of course, I\u2019d care!\u201d<\/p>\n Joe shook him off.\u00a0 \u201cWould you?\u00a0 Is that why you\u2019ve been avoiding me ever since we brought you home from the desert?\u201d<\/p>\n Adam went rigid.\u00a0 \u201cNow is not the time to talk about that.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOh yeah?\u201d\u00a0 Joe came closer.\u00a0 \u201cIf not now, when will<\/em> it be \u2018time\u2019?\u00a0 I want to know, Adam.\u00a0 What have I done wrong?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou\u2026didn\u2019t do anything wrong.\u201d<\/p>\n His brother\u2019s gaze narrowed.\u00a0 \u201cYou and me, Adam, we don\u2019t always see eye-to-eye, but there\u2019s one thing I thought we had.\u00a0 I guess I was wrong.\u201d<\/p>\n Danny Kidd had come up behind Joe now.\u00a0 The man in black glanced at him, but the ex-con\u2019s face gave nothing away.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat\u2019s that?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cRespect.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI do respect you.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo, you don\u2019t.\u201d\u00a0 Joe\u2019s jaw was set.\u00a0 \u201cYou don\u2019t respect me enough to tell me the truth.\u00a0 You\u2019re keeping something from me, from all of us.\u00a0 I know it.\u00a0 Pa knows it.\u00a0 Even Hoss<\/em> knows it, and right now he doesn\u2019t know much of anything.\u00a0 Adam\u2026.\u201d<\/p>\n He hesitated to ask.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat?\u201d<\/p>\n Joe glanced at Danny, who nodded and moved away, before catching his arm and pulling him toward the rushing stream.<\/p>\n For a moment he thought Joe was going to toss him in.<\/p>\n The kid stared at the rushing water and then turned and looked at him. There were unspent tears in his eyes. \u00a0\u201cAdam, I apologize.\u00a0 I just got done telling Pa we had to give you time and I meant it.\u00a0 It\u2019s just\u2026.\u201d\u00a0 Joe\u2019s jaw tightened and his nostrils flared.\u00a0 \u201cYou make me so darn<\/em> mad!\u201d<\/p>\n He couldn\u2019t help but smile.\u00a0 \u201cThe feeling is mutual, little brother.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe started.\u00a0 Then he laughed.<\/p>\n It was short-lived.<\/p>\n \u201cOlder brother, you need\u2026us.\u00a0 We need\u2026each other.\u00a0 We can\u2019t keep going our own way.\u00a0 It\u2019s like\u2026.\u201d Joe thought a moment.\u00a0 \u201cYou know, it\u2019s like Pa\u2019s bundled sticks.\u201d<\/p>\n They\u2019d each gone through that exercise.\u00a0 One stick alone breaks easily.\u00a0 In a bunch, they are nearly unbreakable.<\/p>\n What his little brother hadn\u2019t<\/em> gone through was a week with Peter Kane in the desert.\u00a0 Little Joe, Pa, Hoss\u2026their sticks were straight.\u00a0 Intact.<\/p>\n His was twisted.<\/p>\n \u201cJoe, I can\u2019t\u2026.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYes, you can!\u00a0 And you are the only one <\/em>who can!\u00a0 Look, Adam, Hoss is missing.\u00a0 Go find him.\u00a0 Take him home to Pa.\u00a0 You<\/em> go home to Pa.\u00a0 Both of you need to talk to him.\u00a0 Pa won\u2019t reject you or condemn you, no matter what you think you\u2019ve done.\u00a0 He loves you!\u201d\u00a0 A single tear trailed down his little brother\u2019s cheek.\u00a0 \u201cAdam, please.\u00a0 Pa\u2019s heart is near breaking.\u201d<\/p>\n Adam looked over his brother\u2019s curly head at Thom and Danny where they worked emptying the wagon.\u00a0 The portion of the boundary fence behind them was broken \u2013 washed out and wasted.\u00a0 It could no longer function. \u00a0Anyone with any<\/em> sense would just toss the remains on the fire and walk away.\u00a0 But there were Thom and Danny \u2013 and here, was Joe \u2013 determined to do whatever it took to make it right.<\/p>\n Whatever<\/em> it took.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2026.\u201d\u00a0 He cleared his throat.\u00a0 \u201cI don\u2019t know if I can.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe\u2019s lips curled at one end. \u201cWell, you know what, \u2018educated-back-East-I got-an-answer-for-everything older brother\u2019, I do!\u201d\u00a0 The kid gripped his arm.\u00a0 \u201cYou\u2019re Adam,\u201d Joe said, with all the wonder of the four-year-old boy he had been, \u201cyou can do anything.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n <\/p>\n Joe watched Adam walk mount up and ride away.\u00a0 The curly-haired man sucked in air, wiped the snot from his upper lip, and then deliberately turned his back on his older brother\u2019s departure, hoping his words had touched the man in black as Lessy\u2019s had touched him<\/em> the night before.\u00a0 On the way out from the ranch he\u2019d had time to think.<\/p>\n Time.<\/p>\n Yes, Adam and Hoss needed time, but they also needed him and Pa \u2013 and each other.\u00a0 If one of them didn\u2019t do something \u2013 and soon \u2013 there wasn\u2019t going to be<\/em> a Cartwright family. \u00a0So he\u2019d made up his mind to be the one who did it.\u00a0 He\u2019d decided to start with Adam, since older brother was the most stubborn of them.\u00a0 People thought that was him, but it wasn\u2019t.\u00a0 Pa told him that when older brother was a toddler, he\u2019d hold his breath until he passed out rather than give in.\u00a0 He was stubborn too \u2013 heck, stubbornness was part and parcel of being <\/em>a Cartwright \u2013 but there was something in Adam that was different; something that made being right<\/em> not a thing he wanted, but a thing he had<\/em> to have.<\/p>\n That was pride.<\/p>\n And that was what had died with Peter Kane.<\/p>\n Joe glanced at the horizon just in time to see his brother turn from a speck into a memory, and then he turned back to Thom, Danny, and the task at hand.<\/p>\n \u201cSo, where do we start?\u201d he asked as he rolled up his sleeves.<\/p>\n Thom was eying the stream.\u00a0 \u201cI don\u2019t know about you two, but the height of that water is makin\u2019 me nervous.\u00a0 I agree with Danny that there\u2019s a storm on the way.\u00a0 I\u2019m thinkin\u2019 maybe we should wait.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAnd let more of the fence wash out?\u201d\u00a0 Joe was surprised.\u00a0 \u201cWe can\u2019t do that.\u00a0 We\u2019ll lose too many cattle.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cBetter that than lose your life. \u00a0I\u2019ve seen flash floods before and don\u2019t want no part of one.\u00a0 If the water burst its banks once, it can do it again.\u201d<\/p>\n Thom was older than him and Danny, maybe by ten years, and therefore more cautious.<\/p>\n \u201cBut did it?\u201d Danny asked.\u00a0 \u201cHow can we be sure?\u00a0 Looks to me like someone knocked it down and made the water come this way on purpose.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cEven if,\u201d Thom agreed.\u00a0 \u201cDon\u2019t mean it can\u2019t happen again natural-like.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe looked at the sky.\u00a0 The sun was still shining.\u00a0 \u201cYou sure about that rain?\u201d he asked his friend.<\/p>\n Danny\u2019s thumb kneaded his thigh.\u00a0 \u201cYep.\u201d<\/p>\n Thom pointed east, toward the clump of trees.\u00a0 \u201cIt\u2019s early in the day.\u00a0 How about we reset the fence farther away from the water \u2013 maybe ten yards that way?\u201d \u00a0The cowpoke grinned.\u00a0 “Your pa\u2019s got thousands of acres, what\u2019s a few feet?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhat if it is<\/em> rustlers that did it, Joe?\u201d his friend asked.\u00a0 \u201cWon\u2019t they just come back and knock it down again?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cCould be.\u201d\u00a0 Joe scrunched up his face.\u00a0 \u201cLook, here\u2019s what we\u2019ll do.\u00a0 We\u2019ll fix it in place and then ride away.\u00a0 About a mile out, Thom will take charge of the wagon and take it home.\u00a0 Danny, you and me, we\u2019ll ride back and keep watch.\u00a0 That way, if it is rustlers, we\u2019ll catch them red-handed.\u201d<\/p>\n Thom eyed him like he\u2019d sprouted a second head.\u00a0 \u201cYour Pa will have my hide if I let you take a chance like that!\u201d<\/p>\n Joe laughed. \u201cWhat chance?\u00a0 I promise we won\u2019t try to take them.\u00a0 We\u2019ll wait and watch, and \u2013 at most \u2013follow.\u201d<\/p>\n The older man crossed his arms.\u00a0 \u201cPull the other one, why don\u2019t you?\u00a0 I was young once, you know.\u201d<\/p>\n Danny laughed.\u00a0 \u201cI promise I\u2019ll keep him in line, Thom.\u00a0 I got me one month to go and then I\u2019m free for good!\u00a0 I\u2019m not gonna take any chances with that.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cPa will be fine with it,\u201d Joe said.\u00a0 \u201cIn fact, I\u2019d appreciate it if you didn\u2019t tell him what we\u2019re doing.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNow, Joe\u2026.\u201d<\/p>\n He held up a hand.\u00a0 \u201cThom, Pa\u2019s got a lot on his plate with Adam and Hoss.\u00a0 He doesn\u2019t need to worry about me too.\u00a0 Just tell him Danny and I decided to camp out overnight and finish the work in the morning.\u00a0 It\u2019s the truth, after all.\u201d\u00a0 His gaze returned to the scattered poles.\u00a0 \u201cWe\u2019ll never finish this today.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI won\u2019t lie to your pa.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou don\u2019t need to.\u00a0 If Pa asks, tell him. \u00a0It\u2019s not like it\u2019s a secret.\u00a0 Just\u2026well\u2026just don\u2019t tell him if he doesn\u2019t ask.\u201d\u00a0 Joe pinned the other man with his stare.\u00a0 \u201cBesides, you owe me.\u201d<\/p>\n Thom made a noise.\u00a0 \u201cI thought you said you wasn\u2019t gonna bring that up again.\u201d<\/p>\n His grin was wicked.\u00a0 \u201cSaid, not promised.\u201d<\/p>\n Thom was a good man, but he had a problem with the bottle.\u00a0 Joe\u2019d come on the wrangler drunk as a skunk one time during a cattle drive \u2013 and had taken it upon himself to sober him up before his father was any the wiser.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat is it that Chinaman works for your pa says?\u201d the older man asked.\u00a0 \u201cIf you can\u2019t change your fate, change your attitude?\u201d\u00a0 Thom wagged a finger.\u00a0 \u201cYou do what you promised, boy.\u00a0 You hear?\u201d<\/p>\n Innocent as an angel, Joe asked, \u201cDon\u2019t I always?\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n The day was long and hard and steaming hot.\u00a0 About halfway through it the rain pounced, and then pounded and poured for more than an hour before falling off to nothing.\u00a0 They\u2019d managed before the storm broke to shift the fence to the east and put the posts in place, but were forced to wait for its end to add the rails.\u00a0 It was a wet, slippery, and filthy business.\u00a0 All three of them were mud from head to toe by the time they finished, so much so that Thom\u2019s horse actually shied from him when he approached it.\u00a0 Thom said he\u2019d clean up once he was back at the Ponderosa and wished them well in doing the same as he took off in the wagon with his horse hitched behind.<\/p>\n Neither he or Danny had brought any extra clothing. They did have their slickers since the sensible ex-convict and his aching thigh had insisted they retrieve them before leaving the Ponderosa.\u00a0 It felt mighty funny to be wearing the oil-cloth garments and nothing else, but that\u2019s what they did as they sat down to fix their supper with their freshly washed clothes spread far and wide over branches and fallen logs beside them.\u00a0 The stream was running high \u2013 much too high for them to have washed themselves in.\u00a0 They\u2019d followed it a ways and found a small waterfall, which they used instead, and then made camp close by.\u00a0 That put them a good mile downstream from where they\u2019d laid the fence. \u00a0It was their intention to eat and catch a few hours sleep before returning there to keep watch for the rustlers.<\/p>\n If there were <\/em>rustlers.<\/p>\n \u201cI don\u2019t know,\u201d Joe said.\u00a0 \u201cThe more I think about it, the more I\u2019m starting to believe that Adam might have been right.\u00a0 The wash-out could have been natural.\u00a0 That water\u2019s got some power to it.\u00a0 It could have tossed those poles that far.\u201d<\/p>\n Danny shook his head as he leaned forward to stir the beans bubbling in a pot over the fire.\u00a0 \u201cI don\u2019t agree.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhy not?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cLook, Joe, I did a lot of digging when I was on the press gang.\u00a0 I know the marks of a shovel.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cSo do I!\u201d<\/p>\n His friend snorted.\u00a0 \u201cShovelin\u2019 horse crap isn\u2019t the same.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cLike that\u2019s all that I\u2019ve shoveled,\u201d Joe growled.<\/p>\n \u201cYeah.\u00a0 You\u2019re knee-deep in it all the time, aren\u2019t you?\u201d\u00a0 Danny said with a grin.\u00a0 He picked up a plate and began to dish out the beans.\u00a0 \u201cThere\u2019s a look to a shovel pushed in hard and fast.\u00a0 It cuts in a certain way.\u00a0 And that\u2019s not all.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe accepted the plate, took a bite, and swallowed.\u00a0 \u201cWhat else is there?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cSomeone worked backward to cover it up.\u00a0 They wanted it to look <\/em>natural.\u201d\u00a0 Danny shoved his beans around on his plate as if thinking.\u00a0 Then, instead of speaking, he smiled again.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat are you smiling about?\u201d<\/p>\n The ex-convict scoffed.\u00a0 \u201cOne time me and some of the other fellers, well, we paid Travis back.\u00a0 We dug us a pit and covered it over with branches and leaves.\u00a0 Then Jones, he pretends he\u2019s sick and can\u2019t work.\u00a0 Travis, he comes stormin\u2019 over and falls in\u2026.\u201d<\/p>\n The image of the prison guard shooting his gun and almost hitting Danny with a bullet just for talking out of turn flashed before Joe\u2019s eyes.<\/p>\n \u201cSheesh, Danny.\u00a0 I\u2019m surprised he didn\u2019t kill you!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNah.\u00a0 Travis knew we were worth too much to the government.\u201d\u00a0 His friend laughed.\u00a0 \u201cI couldn\u2019t lean back for a month, but it was worth it!\u201d<\/p>\n Joe fell silent, considering once again the life his friend had led before they met.\u00a0 Born to poverty, abandoned at a young age and left alone to fend for himself \u2013 imprisoned at an age when most kids were still in school \u2013\u00a0 Danny had spent most of his life caged and treated like an animal.\u00a0 By comparison, he\u2019d lived like a prince!\u00a0 His pa warned him when he took Danny on, that it would be hard to keep him out of trouble.\u00a0 His friend\u2019s anger ran fast and furious as the stream rushing at their backs.\u00a0 There\u2019d been a lot of fights and a good many misunderstandings in the last year.\u00a0 Once or twice he\u2019d thought Danny wasn\u2019t going to make it \u2013 that something would push the former convict over the edge and make him strike out with deadly force.<\/p>\n But he hadn\u2019t.<\/p>\n And here they were, eating beans and having a fine time one month shy of the governor granting him a pardon.<\/p>\n One month and Danny Kidd would be a free man!<\/p>\n Joe chewed a moment longer.\u00a0 \u201cI wonder what happened to Travis.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhy?\u201d<\/p>\n Joe shrugged.\u00a0 \u201cI don\u2019t know.\u00a0 Just curious, I guess.\u201d<\/p>\n Danny\u2019s look was keen.\u00a0 \u201cIs there something you didn\u2019t tell me?\u201d<\/p>\n The curly-haired man wrinkled his nose.\u00a0 \u201cI guess I never told you.\u00a0 I reported him to the warden.\u00a0 You know, for the way he was treating you and the other men who were working on our land.\u201d<\/p>\n Danny snorted.\u00a0 \u201cI doubt the warden cared.\u00a0 We were no more than animals to him.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cPa cared,\u201d Joe said as he reached for his coffee.\u00a0 \u201cHe went to the gov \u2013\u201d<\/p>\n A second later Joe was clutching his hand to his side.\u00a0 A bullet had cut the skin on the top and it was bleeding.<\/p>\n \u201cDon\u2019t move!\u201d a sharp voice commanded.\u00a0 \u201cYou move so much as an inch and I\u2019ll put the next one between your eyes!\u201d<\/p>\n Joe met and held Danny\u2019s stare.\u00a0 He shook his head.<\/p>\n His friend had been poised to spring between him and danger.<\/p>\n \u201cRustlers?\u201d Danny mouthed.<\/p>\n Joe shrugged.<\/p>\n \u201cWho are you?\u201d he shouted.\u00a0 \u201cWhat do you want?\u201d<\/p>\n A figure appeared.\u00a0 In the waning light Joe couldn\u2019t make the man out, other than to say that he was of average build and height and his clothing was dark.<\/p>\n Sadly, he could<\/em> see the moonlight glinting off the barrel of his gun.<\/p>\n \u201cLook at you two sittin\u2019 pretty,\u201d the man said as he moved closer.\u00a0 With the tip of the weapon, he pointed to Joe\u2019s tan paints where they hung drying.\u00a0 \u201cLooks like they\u2019s nekkid as jaybirds, boys!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThere\u2019s not much more vulnerable than a snake shed of its skin,\u201d another man hissed.<\/p>\n Joe shivered as he felt the cold steel of a blade press against his neck.\u00a0 Whoever it was had come up behind him<\/p>\n He sucked in air, but refused to be cowed.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m asking you again, what do you want?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNow ain\u2019t he mister high-and-mighty?\u00a0 Just like that pa of his,\u201d the first man said.\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cMister \u2018I-got-me-the-governor-as-a-friend\u2019 Ben Cartwright.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe exchanged a look with Danny.\u00a0 His friend\u2019s eyes had gone wide.<\/p>\n The man speaking \u2013 the one with the gun?<\/p>\n It was Travis, the prison guard.<\/p>\n \u201cYou know what you and that inteferin\u2019 pa of yours cost me, Little<\/em> Joe Cartwright?\u00a0 My job.\u00a0 My wife and kids.\u00a0 My home!\u201d\u00a0 Travis spit.\u00a0 \u201cEverything!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhatever you lost, you lost it yourself!\u201d Joe shot back.<\/p>\n \u201cWell, now, I guess that\u2019s right,\u201d Travis agreed as he pointed his rifle\u2019s nose at Danny\u2019s belly.\u00a0 \u201cJust like Mr. Kidd here.\u00a0 He made a choice to kill and he had to pay \u2013 or he would have if not for you<\/em>.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cLeave Joe out of this,\u201d Danny breathed.\u00a0 \u201cThis is between you and me, Travis, and only you and me.\u00a0 I won\u2019t \u2013\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNow, Mr. Kidd, I hate to tell you, but you ain\u2019t got that quite right,\u201d Travis said.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat do you mean?\u201d Danny asked.<\/p>\n \u201cSeems there\u2019s someone\u2019s got a higher claim than mine for makin\u2019 you<\/em> pay,\u201d the prison guard replied.\u00a0 \u201cAin\u2019t that right, Murdoch?\u201d<\/p>\n The knife blade was shifted from the back of his neck to Joe\u2019s throat.\u00a0 He gasped as its sharp tip cut into his skin.<\/p>\n The name meant nothing to him.<\/p>\n It meant something to Danny.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n FOUR<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cChild.\u00a0 Child!\u00a0 Get your head out of the clouds!\u201d<\/p>\n Lessy blinked and roused herself.\u00a0 She glanced down at Jorie, who had fallen asleep at her breast, before responding to the older woman.\u00a0 \u201cHave you been there long?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cLong enough,\u201d Otie said with a shake of her head.\u00a0 \u201cGeorge is here to take his granddaughter to meet her cousins and I can see you are far from ready.\u201d<\/p>\n She was weary.\u00a0 She\u2019d been up half the night thinking.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019ve just finished feeding her.\u00a0 Would it be all right if I stayed here?\u00a0 I can prepare a bottle.\u201d\u00a0 Hand breast pumps were a new-fangled thing, but she\u2019d mastered the use of one.<\/p>\n Otie came to her side. \u00a0\u201cAre you ill?\u201d<\/p>\n Lessy shook her head.\u00a0 \u201cJust tired.\u00a0 It\u2019s been a bit of a whirlwind since we came to Virginia City.\u00a0 I\u2019m afraid I don\u2019t feel up to more socializing.\u201d<\/p>\n She surrendered Jorie to the older woman\u2019s arms.\u00a0 It was both a relief and an injury to do so.\u00a0 The older woman gazed at the baby, smiled, and nodded her head.\u00a0 \u201cCousin Mildred is going to be there.\u00a0 She can take care of Jorie.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOh, no!\u00a0 You should go too.\u00a0 I don\u2019t want to keep you away from your family.\u201d<\/p>\n Otie reached out to touch her cheek.\u00a0 \u201cChild.\u00a0 Don\u2019t you know by now?\u00a0 You are <\/em>my family.\u201d\u00a0 She started for the door.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019ll be back in a few minutes.\u201d<\/p>\n Lessy watched her go and then turned back to the window.\u00a0 She had to consider what she was going to say.\u00a0 She\u2019d spent most of the night feeling guilty.\u00a0 Brown had been gone less than six months.<\/p>\n She shouldn\u2019t be thinking of another man.<\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019s Little Joe Cartwright, isn\u2019t it?\u201d Otie asked as she returned.<\/p>\n The young woman blushed.\u00a0 \u201cWhy\u2026no\u2026.\u201d<\/p>\n Otie sat beside her and took her hand.\u00a0 \u201cHe\u2019s quite a handsome young man.\u00a0 Just like his father did in his youth, Joe Cartwright turns all the girls\u2019 heads.\u201d<\/p>\n Lessy dropped hers.\u00a0 \u201cI suppose he has a girl.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHe did,\u201d the older woman said.\u00a0 \u201cShe died.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOh?\u00a0 He didn\u2019t say anything.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThat\u2019s men, dear.\u00a0 They don\u2019t talk \u2013 they do<\/em>.\u201d\u00a0 The older woman rose and walked over to the mantelpiece where she occupied herself straightening a photo frame.\u00a0 \u201cI don\u2019t know all the details.\u00a0 One of Ben\u2019s old friends, a sea captain, came to the Ponderosa.\u00a0 Apparently Joe and his daughter Laura knew one another when they were children.\u00a0 She had blossomed, of course, and the pair fell in love.\u00a0 No sooner had their engagement been announced than the poor child was gone.\u00a0 I hesitated to ask Ben about it, they were all so sad.\u00a0 It appears she was ill all the time and Little Joe knew nothing of it.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou mean her father hid the truth about her condition?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cSo it seems.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHow horrible!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cSo, you see, dear, the young man is as wounded as you are.\u00a0 You must tread carefully.\u00a0 It is far too easy for two wounded chicks to seek to strengthen one another when neither has the strength to help themselves.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cLittle Joe is just a friend!\u201d she declared.\u00a0 \u201cWell, hardly even that.\u00a0 I only met him the once.\u00a0 And besides that, Brown has been gone less than a year.\u00a0 It would be unseemly\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n Otie was at her side again and took her hand.\u00a0 \u201cPish-tosh!\u00a0 What does the heart care for \u2018seemly\u2019?\u00a0 Now, my dear, George is still waiting.\u00a0 I think you should put yourself right and we will all go out together.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou didn\u2019t send him on?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo.\u00a0 On second thought, I believe it would be best for you to accompany us.\u00a0 You are far too vulnerable, my dear, even for the likes of a gallant young gentleman like Joseph Cartwright.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI think\u2026.\u201d\u00a0 Lessy paused. \u00a0She didn\u2019t want to offend the older woman.\u00a0 She liked her too much. \u00a0\u201cI think\u2026even if<\/em> I had a feeling for Joe Cartwright, it would be up to me to decide what to do about it.\u00a0 Wouldn\u2019t it?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOf course, my dear, but I beg of you to remember one thing.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAnd what is that?\u201d she asked smartly.<\/p>\n \u201cSometimes the person you fall for isn\u2019t ready to catch you.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Adam cleared his throat and waited.<\/p>\n Nothing.\u00a0 Hoss kept brushing Chubb\u2019s black coat like he\u2019d turn it white.<\/p>\n So he tried again.<\/p>\n There was a slight pause and then the brush moved again.\u00a0 \u201cGo away, Adam. I don\u2019t want to talk.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThat makes two of us then,\u201d he replied.<\/p>\n His younger brother looked over his shoulder.\u00a0 \u201cHuh?\u201d<\/p>\n Adam moved into the barn.\u00a0 \u201cI don\u2019t want<\/em> to talk either, but I think we should.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAbout what?\u201d\u2019<\/p>\n There was a warning in those two words.<\/p>\n Adam shrugged as he moved to the other side of the black.\u00a0 \u201cAbout the weather?\u00a0 Politics, maybe?\u00a0 How about Joe and Pa?\u201d\u00a0 He placed his hand deliberately on either side of the brush as he met his brother\u2019s defiant stare.\u00a0 \u201cOr, maybe, ourselves.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThere ain\u2019t nothin\u2019 to say,\u201d the big man grunted and turned away.<\/p>\n \u201cWould you take that answer from me?\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss halted. \u00a0\u201cWhat?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI said, would you accept that answer from me?\u00a0 Haven\u2019t you been goading me \u2013 \u201c\u00a0 He rephrased it.\u00a0 \u201cHaven\u2019t all of you been encouraging<\/em> me to talk about what happened?\u201d<\/p>\n The big man turned toward him.\u00a0 \u201cYeah, but you ain\u2019t. \u00a0And I ain\u2019t gonna neither.\u00a0 No good will come of it.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo, I guess not.\u201d\u00a0 Adam took a seat on a nearby hay bale.\u00a0 \u201cIt\u2019s better to leave it untended and let it fester and rot.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cLet what<\/em> fester and rot?\u201d his brother demanded.<\/p>\n \u201cGrief.\u00a0 Shame.\u201d\u00a0 Adam paused.\u00a0 \u201cPride.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI ain\u2019t proud.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYes, you are.\u00a0 So<\/em> proud you can\u2019t bear the thought that the woman you loved didn\u2019t love you.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAdam, you watch what you\u2019re sayin\u2019\u2026.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWe\u2019re all<\/em> proud.\u00a0 That\u2019s what makes us Cartwrights,\u201d he replied.\u00a0 \u201cProud of our pa.\u00a0 Proud of this land.\u00a0 Proud of what he\u2019s made of it.\u00a0 Proud to be who we are; of all that we have.\u00a0 Proud simply of being<\/em> a Cartwright.\u201d\u00a0 Adam pointed to the sky.\u00a0 \u201cOne day the gods looked down from Elysium and, with great beneficence, chose Benjamin Cartwright out of all of mankind to bestow their bounty and blessings upon, with the promise that there would never be anything he could not overcome.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou ain\u2019t makin\u2019 any sense, older brother.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYes.\u00a0 Yes, I am!\u201d\u00a0 He rose and began to pace.\u00a0 \u201cPa loses one wife.\u00a0 He finds another. The Indians kill her and there is a third.\u00a0 She dies too but, like the righteous man he is, Ben Cartwright holds onto who he is and rises up from the ashes of despair to possess thousands of acres of fertile land replete with cattle, timber and more, to leave as a legacy to their three fine sons.\u201d\u00a0 He laughed \u2013 the sound of it was a bit hysterical even in his own ears.\u00a0 \u201cWe should have seen it coming.\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss was eying him strangely.\u00a0 \u201cSeen what comin\u2019, older brother?\u201d<\/p>\n His words were a whisper.\u00a0 \u201cThe whirlwind.\u201d<\/p>\n The big man blew out a breath.\u00a0 He placed the brush on the table behind him and then rounded Chubb to stand at his side.\u00a0 \u201cLookee here, Adam, I ain\u2019t sure of what you\u2019re talkin\u2019 about, but I am<\/em> sure of one thing.\u00a0 I\u2019m mad as Hell.\u00a0 I\u2019m mad at Margie for wantin\u2019 more than I could give her, and for choosin\u2019 that low-down snake over me on account of he promised her somethin\u2019 he didn\u2019t have to give.\u00a0 I\u2019m mad at Marc Connors for existin\u2019, and I guess that means I\u2019m mad at God too for creatin\u2019 him in the first place!\u201d\u00a0 Hoss shook his head.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m mad at me too for lettin\u2019 her get away and for not stoppin\u2019 Margie from goin\u2019 with him.\u00a0 I shoulda done somethin\u2019.\u00a0 I shoulda made<\/em> her listen.\u201d<\/p>\n Adam shook his head.\u00a0 \u201cShe thought she was in love.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThat ain\u2019t it, Adam.\u00a0 I don\u2019t think she did.\u00a0 I think she\u2026loved me<\/em>.\u00a0 Trouble was, she loved what she thought Marc Connors could give her more.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cEt tu, brute<\/em>,\u201d he said softly.<\/p>\n \u201cHuh?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThe fatal flaw.\u00a0 Pride, misplaced trust, excessive curiosity, lack of self-control.\u201d\u00a0 Adam swallowed.\u00a0 \u201cHubris.\u201d.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat\u2019s that?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHubris is the characteristic of excessive confidence or arrogance, which leads a person to believe that they may do no wrong.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n \u201cI don\u2019t think that.\u00a0 I know I done wrong.\u00a0 So did Margie.\u201d<\/p>\n Adam stared at his brother.\u00a0 \u201cWhat makes you think I was talking about you?\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss scratched his head.\u00a0 \u201cSo who you talkin\u2019 about then?\u00a0 You?\u00a0 Adam, Peter Kane was a madman.\u00a0 From what little you told us about what happened, it sure seems he did everythin\u2019 in his power to make you kill him.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cBecause I said I wouldn\u2019t.\u201d\u00a0 He paled.\u00a0 \u201cBecause I thought I couldn\u2019t.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n \u201cAdam\u2026.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cBut I <\/em>did.\u201d\u00a0 He thrust arms before him.\u00a0 \u201cWith these hands.\u00a0 Kane chose to break me because I was so damned <\/em>sure I couldn\u2019t be broken.\u00a0 Because of my <\/em>arrogance.\u00a0 Because of my God-damned <\/em>pride!\u201d\u00a0 The man in black closed his eyes.\u00a0 They burned with unspent tears.<\/p>\n He had no more to spend.<\/p>\n Without another word Adam turned and left the barn.\u00a0 He mounted his horse and galloped out of the yard.<\/p>\n Joe had been wrong.\u00a0 He\u2019d wanted his little brother to be right.\u00a0 All his life, words had saved him.<\/p>\n Now, they damned him.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Ben Cartwright pulled up short.\u00a0 Hoss had stepped out of the barn and nearly run into him.\u00a0 He gave his son a brief smile and then asked, \u201cWhere is your brother going?\u201d<\/p>\n The big man\u2019s answer was gruff.\u00a0 \u201cI don\u2019t rightly know.\u00a0 Away, I guess.\u201d<\/p>\n Fear narrowed his eyes.\u00a0 \u201cAway?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cShucks, Pa.\u00a0 I don\u2019t mean it like that.\u00a0 Seems I been bitin\u2019 just about everyone\u2019s head off lately.\u201d\u00a0 Hoss sighed.\u00a0 \u201cIt\u2019s just that Adam\u2019s hurtin\u2019 and well, you know how he is.\u201d<\/p>\n Yes, he did.\u00a0 His eldest son believed himself invincible \u2013 or at least believed he needed to appear<\/em> that way to his younger brothers. \u00a0Ben looked in the direction Adam had gone and then turned back to his middle son.<\/p>\n This one was hurting as well.<\/p>\n \u201cHow are you, Hoss?\u201d<\/p>\n Inger\u2019s son shrugged.\u00a0 \u201cOkay, I guess.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben raised an eyebrow.\u00a0 \u201cDefine \u2018okay\u2019.\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss looked startled, and then laughed.\u00a0 \u201cYou sound just like older brother.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWords are important, son.\u201d \u00a0He paused.\u00a0 \u201cWhat would you think if Joseph told you he was \u2018okay\u2019?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019d know the ornery little cuss was lyin\u2019.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAre you?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAm I what?\u201d\u00a0 His son looked puzzled, then rolled his eyes.\u00a0 \u201cI ain\u2019t lyin\u2019, Pa.\u00a0 Not really.\u00a0 I mean, I am okay\u2026in some ways.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAnd\u2026.\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss pursed his lips.\u00a0 \u201cYou ain\u2019t gonna like it.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben scoffed. \u00a0\u201cThere\u2019s nothing about what\u2019s going on right now that I do <\/em>like!\u201d<\/p>\n The big man drew in a long breath and let it out slowly.\u00a0 \u201cWell, I guess \u2013 sir \u2013 you see\u2026.\u00a0 I\u2019m just plain mad at the Man upstairs!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou\u2019re mad at God?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYes, sir.\u201d\u00a0 He nodded.\u00a0 \u201cThere.\u00a0 I said it.\u201d<\/p>\n The rancher eyed the sky.\u00a0 \u201cStill clear,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n His son looked too.\u00a0 Then he looked at him.\u00a0 \u201cYou expectin\u2019 somethin\u2019?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo. but you were.\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss frowned.\u00a0 \u201cYou feelin\u2019 okay, Pa?\u00a0 You sure you don\u2019t need to go sit down or nothin\u2019?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m fine.\u00a0 And so are you.\u201d\u00a0 Ben turned his eyes upward again.\u00a0 \u201cNo lightning bolt.\u201d<\/p>\n It had been a long time since Hoss was a little boy.\u00a0 Even as an adolescent he had been taller and weighed more than most full grown men. \u00a0Still, there were times when Ben could see the child the big man had been.\u00a0 It shone mostly from his son\u2019s eyes, but that wide-eyed innocence also turned up the corners of his lips in a special way.<\/p>\n \u201cAw, shucks!\u00a0 You mean I done told God I was mad at Him and He didn\u2019t strike me dead or nothin\u2019.\u201d<\/p>\n The rancher placed a hand on his son\u2019s arm.\u00a0 \u201cThat\u2019s exactly what I mean.\u00a0 God had broad shoulders, son.\u00a0 He can take your anger.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cBut Pa…it just don\u2019t feel right.\u00a0 I mean, God\u2019s been good to me\u2026to us…but, well\u2026.\u00a0 He just shouldn\u2019t have let it happen!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cMarjorie and Marcus, you mean?\u201d<\/p>\n His son\u2019s jaw tightened.\u00a0 \u201cYou always told us that God makes all things work together for the good of those who love Him.\u00a0 Marjorie done went to church.\u00a0 She was a good woman.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAnd she\u2019s dead.\u00a0 Unfairly.\u201d<\/p>\n The boy nodded.<\/p>\n They were his own words, spoken so long ago in the wake of Elizabeth\u2019s death.\u00a0 His first wife was a beautiful, intelligent woman. \u00a0Thoughtful and caring.\u00a0 Filled with loving-kindness. She would have made an amazing mother.\u00a0 There had been dreams of a large family and of a long life together.<\/p>\n And then, she was gone.<\/p>\n Angry?<\/p>\n Hoss didn\u2019t know the meaning of the word.<\/p>\n \u201cPa?\u201d<\/p>\n Ben hesitated.\u00a0 How to put it?\u00a0 It was true God promised \u2018good\u2019 to all who loved Him, just as He promised a future to prosper a man and not to harm him.\u00a0 But what did that future look like?\u00a0 Was it the one they with their limited human<\/em> vision could see, or another far better one planned and executed by an omnipotent and loving Father? \u00a0He and Elizabeth would have had more children, but they would not have been the children he had.\u00a0 Neither Hoss nor Little Joe would have existed.\u00a0 He would not have known Inger or Marie.\u00a0 Most likely, he would have gone on to take the lead in Able Stoddard\u2019s shipping line and spent half of his life at sea.\u00a0 He would not have seen his children grow.\u00a0 There would have been no Ponderosa; no thousand acres of Heaven.<\/p>\n Who is man that Thou art mindful of him?<\/p>\n \u201cSorry, son.\u00a0 I was lost in my thoughts.\u00a0 I don\u2019t have a clear answer for you.\u00a0 Each man has to find his own.\u00a0 All I can tell you is that I have lived half a century, and in that time I have learned to see God\u2019s hand in both the good and the bad.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cCan you see it in Jimmy Partridge\u2019s death?\u201d Hoss asked sharply.\u00a0 Then he paled.\u00a0 \u201cSorry, Pa.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo.\u201d\u00a0 Ben let out a sigh.\u00a0 \u201cNo.\u00a0 It\u2019s a valid question and deserves an honest answer.\u00a0 No, I can\u2019t.\u00a0 Now.\u201d\u00a0 His smile was slight but heartfelt.\u00a0 \u201cBut I will one day.\u00a0 I have faith.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI sure wish I had faith strong as yours, Pa.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben squeezed the massive shoulder. \u201cYou do.\u00a0 I\u2019ve seen it.\u00a0 You\u2019ll see it too in time.\u201d<\/p>\n His son returned his smile.\u00a0 \u201cWell, I best be getting\u2019 about my chores.\u00a0 Them horses ain\u2019t gonna feed themselves.\u00a0 Say\u2026.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhat?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cLittle Joe was supposed to be back by sundown to help me.\u201d\u00a0 Hoss looked in the direction his brother had gone that morning.\u00a0 \u201cHim and Danny should have been here by now.\u00a0 Shouldn\u2019t they?\u201d<\/p>\n Ben turned to look as well\u00a0 \u201cYou know, come to think of it, I saw Thom ride in a while back.\u00a0 I just assumed Danny and Joe would follow.\u00a0 I\u2019ll check with him.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cLet me do it,\u201d his son said.\u00a0 \u201cYou look all done in.\u201d<\/p>\n He was tired,\u00a0 It had been a long day.\u00a0 But then, Hoss was tired too.<\/p>\n \u201cAnd you aren\u2019t?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAw, shucks.\u00a0 Sure I\u2019m tired, but I got me somethin\u2019 that\u2019ll give me a second wind.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben was puzzled.\u00a0 \u201cAnd what\u2019s that?\u201d<\/p>\n The big man grinned.\u00a0 \u201cTakin\u2019 my \u2018tired\u2019 out on my baby brother\u2019s hide.\u00a0 Knowin\u2019 Joe, him and Danny decided they\u2019d had enough and took off for town to wet their whistle.\u201d\u00a0 Hoss\u2019 lips straightened and his ice blue eyes narrowed.\u00a0 \u201cYou just wait \u2018til I get hold of that boy!\u201d<\/p>\n The rancher laughed and it felt good.<\/p>\n \u201cWell, don\u2019t take more than your pound of flesh.\u00a0 Your brother can\u2019t afford to lose it!\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss laughed as well.\u00a0 A second later, he seemed to think better of it.\u00a0 A cloud passed over his face, one of sadness mingled with guilt.<\/p>\n And just a little bit of hope.<\/p>\n \u201cYou get some rest, Pa.\u00a0 I\u2019ll go get Little Joe.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Hoss\u2019 hand came down a little heavier on the bunkhouse door than intended.\u00a0 Not because he was mad, but because he was in a hurry.\u00a0 The thought of a ride into town, with four, maybe five hours to think about what he and his Pa had discussed was appealing.\u00a0 Pa\u2019d said a lot of things that made sense.\u00a0 The big man grinned.\u00a0 Still, even more appealing was the idea of huntin\u2019 down his little brother.\u00a0 He felt like poundin\u2019 somethin\u2019 and Little Joe would do.\u00a0 Course that was only because Little Joe needed to pound somethin\u2019 too.<\/p>\n Maybe breakin\u2019 up a saloon would make them both feel better.<\/p>\n Sam wouldn\u2019t mind.\u00a0 \u2018Specially when he slapped half of this week\u2019s wages on the counter before they got to it.\u00a0 They probably wouldn\u2019t break nothin\u2019 but a table or two, and maybe some of them cheap glasses on the shelf behind the counter.\u00a0 Hoss scowled as he rapped again.\u00a0 It\u2019d be good if they missed the gilded mirror on account of the fact that it came out of San Francisco and they\u2019d have to sell both their saddles and<\/em> their horses to pay for it!<\/p>\n Finally the door opened.\u00a0 It was Deke who showed.\u00a0 He was one of the younger hands they had.<\/p>\n The young man grinned his apology. \u00a0\u201cHey there, Hoss!\u00a0 You caught us in the middle of a round. \u00a0Had to wait \u2018til we was finished.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou win?\u201d Hoss asked.<\/p>\n The brown-haired man was about Little Joe\u2019s age. \u00a0He\u2019d come out of California and was about as able a wrangler as he\u2019d ever met.<\/p>\n \u201cSure did!\u00a0 You want to sit in?\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss shook his head.\u00a0 \u201cNo, thanks.\u00a0 I\u2019m looking for Thom Barker.\u00a0 You seen him?\u201d<\/p>\n Deke turned into the room.\u00a0 \u201cThom?\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss heard the other man reply and, a few seconds later, Thom appeared.\u00a0 The older man\u2019s look was puzzled until he saw him standing there.<\/p>\n Then it became downright guilty.<\/p>\n \u201cHey there, Hoss.\u00a0 You need something?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI need to talk to you a minute, Thom.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhat\u2019d you do, Thom?\u00a0 Forget to close the corral gate?\u201d a voice called out.<\/p>\n \u201cMaybe he forgot Little Joe,\u201d another one answered.<\/p>\n A third hooted.\u00a0 \u201cI bet he mistook Joe for an ornery beeve, trussed him up and left him beside the road instead!\u201d<\/p>\n Thom rolled his eyes as he stepped out the door and closed it behind him.\u00a0 \u201cSorry about that. They don\u2019t mean no disrespect.\u00a0 They all like Joe.\u201d<\/p>\n The big man laughed.\u00a0 \u201cThat\u2019s okay.\u00a0 The idea of trussin\u2019 up Little Joe and leavin\u2019 him by the side of the road has crossed my mind often enough.\u00a0 Fact is, I think I might have done a time or two.\u201d<\/p>\n The guilty look deepened.<\/p>\n \u201cYou got somethin\u2019 you need to tell me, Thom?\u201d<\/p>\n The older man sighed.\u00a0 \u201cGod must have heard my prayers.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhat\u2019s God got to do with this?\u201d<\/p>\n He winced.\u00a0 \u201cI was prayin\u2019 you was gonna be the one to ask me that question and not your pa or Adam. I kind of promised Little Joe I wouldn\u2019t say anything.\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss sighed.\u00a0 \u201cWhat\u2019s little brother done now?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNothing.\u00a0 At least, nothing\u2026yet.\u201d<\/p>\n He studied the other man.\u00a0 The best way he could put it, was that Thom appeared uneasy.<\/p>\n \u201cMaybe I should rephrase that \u2013 what\u2019s little brother thinkin\u2019<\/em> of doin\u2019 that he don\u2019t want our pa or Adam to know<\/em> he\u2019s doin\u2019?\u201d<\/p>\n Thom scratched his head.\u00a0 \u201cWell, you know we went out to fix the fence.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYeah.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cIt was kind of peculiar.\u00a0 It looked like the river had overflowed and washed it away, but then again\u2026it didn\u2019t.\u00a0 Adam\u00a0 said \u2013\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cBig brother was there?\u201d\u00a0 That must have been before Adam came back home and they had their\u2026discussion.<\/p>\n \u201cYeah.\u00a0 When I first saw it, I thought maybe someone took the fence out on purpose.\u00a0 Adam did too, but in the end we decided the river did it.\u00a0 Nothin\u2019 else made sense.\u00a0 There weren\u2019t nowhere to hide cattle or nothin\u2019.\u201d\u00a0 Thom paled.\u00a0 \u201cLittle Joe, well, he had other ideas.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhat ideas?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cRustlers.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cRustlers?\u201d<\/p>\n Thom nodded.\u00a0 \u201cSeemed kind of far-fetched to me, but you know Little Joe.\u00a0 Once he\u2019s got an idea in his head\u2026.\u201d<\/p>\n Once little brother got an idea in that curly head of his, he was so stubborn he wouldn\u2019t move camp for a prairie fire!<\/p>\n \u201cYeah, I know.\u201d\u00a0 Hoss felt his stomach flop.\u00a0 He told himself it was because he was hungry.\u00a0 He didn\u2019t want to think it might be fear.\u00a0 \u201cSo what\u2019s this \u2018thing\u2019 Joe decided to do?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWe finished work and rode off.\u00a0 I came here, but him and Danny went back to keep watch.\u201d\u00a0 Thom looked a little sick too.\u00a0 \u201cJoe promised they\u2019d do just that and, if any rustlers did <\/em>show up, they\u2019d follow a ways and then hightail it for home.\u201d<\/p>\n If they saw the rustlers first and the rustlers didn\u2019t get the drop on them.<\/p>\n Hoss swallowed hard.\u00a0 \u201cHow long ago was this?\u201d<\/p>\n Thom glanced at the sky.\u00a0 \u201cFour.\u00a0 Maybe five hours.\u201d<\/p>\n The big man considered what to do.\u00a0 Adam was God only knew where.\u00a0 Pa, well, the three of them had put Pa through enough these last few weeks.\u00a0 The older man was right where he needed to be \u2013 restin\u2019.\u00a0 That left him.\u00a0 Odds were there was nothin\u2019 to worry about, but \u2013 and this was the funny thing \u2013 in a way he was glad<\/em> to have somethin\u2019 to worry about.\u00a0 When he lost Margie, somethin\u2019 inside him \u2013 somethin\u2019 dark \u2013 told him he\u2019d lost it all and there was nothin\u2019 left that mattered.<\/p>\n It was a lie.\u00a0 He still had plenty left to lose.<\/p>\n Hoss shifted his hat forward on his head and turned toward the barn.<\/p>\n Somethin\u2019 told him he\u2019d best \u2018high-tail\u2019 it now and find that ornery little brother of his, if he didn\u2019t want Little Joe to be the next thing.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n FIVE<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cJoe?\u00a0 Can you hear me?\u00a0 Joe?\u201d<\/p>\n Like the tide on the shore, the blackness surrounding him receded \u2013 and then rushed back in a tsunami of pain.<\/p>\n \u201cJoe?\u201d<\/p>\n The voice came from far away \u2013 across the rushing river, maybe.\u00a0 It was full of air and something else.<\/p>\n Fear?<\/p>\n Someone was afraid.<\/p>\n He wasn\u2019t.\u00a0 He was just\u2026tired.<\/p>\n He needed to sleep.<\/p>\n They needed to go away.<\/p>\n \u201cJoe?!\u00a0 C\u2019mon, friend!\u00a0 Give me a sign here!\u201d<\/p>\n When a hand gripped each arm and rolled him over onto his back, the black wave rose again.\u00a0 It was all he could do not to go under.\u00a0 The pull was as powerful as a spring tide.\u00a0 Once, when he was a little boy, he\u2019d gotten away from his mama and run into one of those tides.\u00a0 If it hadn\u2019t been for his father\u2019s strong arms, it would have taken him away.\u00a0 Mama held him and cried and cried.\u00a0 She was afraid he would die.<\/p>\n Was that what he was doing now?<\/p>\n Dying?<\/p>\n \u201cC\u2019mon, Joe.\u00a0 Don\u2019t do this to me.\u00a0 Don\u2019t let him<\/em> win.\u201d<\/p>\n With the words came a feeling \u2013 \u00a0tepid liquid on his lips. Some of it dribbled down his chin.<\/p>\n Even as memory dribbled into that darkness.<\/p>\n The night was cold and he was naked.<\/p>\n He awoke surrounded by men; vile, abusive men.\u00a0 They taunted him, pointing to his privates and calling him \u2018little<\/em>\u2019 Joe, as they struck him and bound his hands and feet and lifted him into the air.\u00a0 Someone nearby shouted his name.\u00a0 He knew who it was, but it didn\u2019t matter.\u00a0 There was only one thing that mattered.<\/p>\n That was surviving so he could pay the men back in kind.<\/p>\n He was carried like a coffin between them, and then rocked like a baby in a cradle and let go.\u00a0 When the river took him, Joe thought he was finished.\u00a0 With his hands and feet bound, there was nothing he could do but sink like a lead weight to the bottom.\u00a0 He would have drowned if the vile men hadn\u2019t fished him out and tossed him, sputtering, on the shore.<\/p>\n \u2018Get him up!\u201d someone ordered.<\/p>\n He must have blacked out.\u00a0 The next time he became aware he was laying on the grass, clothed in his shirt and pants.\u00a0 His tan hat and beloved green coat were gone.\u00a0 Someone took hold of his collar and hauled him roughly to his feet.\u00a0 They shoved into a ring of light where he stood, swaying and blinking.\u00a0 He raised a hand.\u00a0 The light was blinding and he used it to shield his eyes.<\/p>\n That was when someone delivered the first punch.<\/p>\n \u2018What\u2019s the matter, Little<\/em> Joe?\u201d the man jibed.\u00a0 \u201cNot feelin\u2019 so good?\u2019<\/p>\n The second blow was to his back, just above his kidneys.\u00a0 It made him stagger.<\/p>\n He almost fell down.<\/p>\n Almost.<\/em><\/p>\n \u2018I heard me that Joe Cartwright was tough as nails.\u00a0 You don\u2019t look so tough now\u2026pretty boy<\/em>.\u2019<\/p>\n A shiver ran through him, even as his anger ignited and warmed him.\u00a0 He shouted something.\u00a0 Whatever it was, the reply came in the form of a boot to his back.\u00a0 He was knocked to the ground. \u00a0Someone \u00a0wrapped filthy fingers in his curls and thrust his face into the dirt.\u00a0 Then another man\u2026.<\/p>\n Stepped on him like he was nothing.<\/p>\n \u201cYou hear me, Joe?\u00a0 Don\u2019t let Travis break you.\u201d<\/p>\n The wave was black.<\/p>\n Black was good.<\/p>\n Black meant no pain.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Danny Kidd glanced up at the circle of men clustered around the campfire, and then back down at his friend.\u00a0 Joe lay on his side, curled into himself.\u00a0 The ex-convict had done everything he could to prevent what had happened, but knew from the beginning there was little hope.\u00a0 If there was one thing Travis Mudge excelled at it was torture.\u00a0 He\u2019d known what was coming the moment the prison guard stripped Joe\u2019s slicker off and left him naked and exposed.<\/p>\n You broke a man in stages.\u00a0 First, by telling him he was less than a man, and then by beating him down until he believed it.\u00a0 Travis stood by while his men humiliated Joe, and then ordered the cowboy bound hand and foot and tossed in the river.\u00a0 Just before he would have drowned, a crew of Travis\u2019 men fished Joe out and dumped him, naked, on the shore.\u00a0 Mudge ordered the pair that had worked at the Ponderosa \u2013 Bob Stevens and Asa Teller \u2013 to get him dressed.\u00a0 The first groan that passed Joe\u2019s lips brought the pair down like vultures.\u00a0 They swooped in, dragged him to his feet, and hauled him into the middle of a circle of lantern light where the taunts and jabs began again.\u00a0 Danny couldn\u2019t help but smile at the memory.\u00a0 Most likely Travis thought he\u2019d broken the rugged cowboy.\u00a0 His friend staggered a couple of steps forward and halted with his head down, breathing hard.\u00a0 He was probably the only one who noticed Joe\u2019s tight jaw and clenched fists.\u00a0 If one of the brutes hadn\u2019t struck Joe on the back of the head at that moment, they\u2019d have found out soon enough just how unbreakable<\/em> a Cartwright was.<\/p>\n Danny leaned in close to whisper. \u00a0\u201cYou hear me, Joe?\u00a0 He didn\u2019t <\/em>break you!\u201d<\/p>\n Just to look at him, you\u2019d never know how bad off Joe was.\u00a0 Travis knew how to hit a man where it hurt but didn\u2019t show, and how to make him suffer without killing him.\u00a0 A shuffling, seemingly lifeless prisoner who failed to obey orders and do his work got the hotbox.<\/p>\n A dead one brought an inquest.<\/p>\n The ex-con winced as he tugged up the front of his friend\u2019s shirt.\u00a0 Joe had a lot of bruises, all of which should heal given time.\u00a0 One or two troubled him, like the imprint of a boot heel on his friend\u2019s back just above his kidneys, and the impression of a rifle butt on Joe\u2019s right temple. \u00a0After they\u2019d finished with him, the guards dragged Joe\u2019s unconscious form over the rough ground and dropped him at his feet. \u00a0A few minutes later the man he knew as \u2018Crock\u2019 made followed.<\/p>\n Crock nudged Joe\u2019s side with the toe of his boot.\u00a0 \u201cMeans somethin\u2019 to you, don\u2019t he,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n It wasn\u2019t a question.<\/p>\n Danny sighed.\u00a0 To admit the truth was to give Crock \u2013 and Travis Mudge \u2013 a weapon to use against him.<\/p>\n To deny it was impossible.<\/p>\n \u2018What\u2019s it to you?\u2019 he growled in return.<\/p>\n Crockett Murdoch, the older brother of the boy he\u2019d killed a decade before over a slice of pie, spat on the ground and sneered.<\/p>\n \u2018Ammunition,\u2019 he said.<\/p>\n The ex-convict closed his eyes and leaned his head against the tree behind him.\u00a0 He regretted it now, causing Cassidy\u2019s death.\u00a0 Regretted it deeply.\u00a0 But when you were told you were an animal day after day, month after month \u2013 year after year<\/em> \u2013 you learned to be <\/em>an animal. \u00a0At that moment, that piece of pie represented everything that had ever been taken away from him: his dreams, his hopes, his liberty.\u00a0 Freedom. \u00a0Life<\/em>.\u00a0 By the time he was thirteen everything<\/em> had been stripped from him until there was nothing left but a crudely carved wooden soldier in his pocket and whatever scraps he could beg, borrow, or steal.\u00a0 Danny\u2019s chuckle had little mirth in it.\u00a0 There was the irony!\u00a0 He\u2019d taken from others.\u00a0 Stolen<\/em> from them.\u00a0 When he<\/em> did it, he saw it as a vindication of everything that was wrong.\u00a0 It was a way to put things right \u2013 to upturn a world turned upside-down.<\/p>\n In other words, he deserved whatever he could get.<\/p>\n So when Cassidy took that slice of pie, he took him down, just like the lyin\u2019, thievin\u2019 animal he was.<\/p>\n Because he <\/em>was a lyin\u2019, thievin\u2019 animal.<\/p>\n Danny opened his eyes and laid a hand on Joe Cartwright\u2019s shoulder.\u00a0 Yeah, that\u2019s what he was<\/em> until he met this rich, privileged kid whose daddy owned half of the state of Nevada.\u00a0 He\u2019d hated Joe Cartwright at first \u2013 blindly and without reason \u2013 just because of who and what he was.\u00a0 That\u2019s why he\u2019d thrust his shackled wrists under Joe\u2019s upturned nose and dared the high and mighty princeling to do something about it.<\/p>\n \u201cYou showed me, Joe,\u201d he said softly.\u00a0 \u201cYou really <\/em>showed me.\u201d<\/p>\n Miracle of miracles \u2013 he got a moan in reply.<\/p>\n \u201cJoe.\u00a0 Can you hear me?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cggg\u2026wyyy.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cJoe?\u201d<\/p>\n Another groan\u2026and then the words were repeated, more clearly this time.<\/p>\n \u201cGo\u2026away\u2026.\u201d<\/p>\n Danny wasn\u2019t sure if he believed in God.\u00a0 He had a hard time reconciling all he\u2019d been through with the idea of a heavenly Providence, but he thanked Him anyway.<\/p>\n \u201cFriend,\u201d he said with a sigh, \u201cyou have no idea<\/em> how good it is to hear your voice.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe curled into himself a bit more.\u00a0 \u201cNot\u2026yours,\u201d he grumped.\u00a0 \u201cLet\u2026me sleep.\u201d<\/p>\n Danny had seen \u2013 and been the recipient of \u2013 enough beatings to know better than to give in to that request.\u00a0 \u201cC\u2019mon, Joe.\u00a0 You need to sit up.\u201d\u00a0 He took hold of the other man and urged him to do just that.\u00a0 Like a baby, vaguely reaching for something, his friend attempted to bat his hand away.\u00a0 Danny thought a moment.\u00a0 He doubted he could make Joe do anything he didn\u2019t want to.\u00a0 What could he\u2026.?<\/p>\n Then he had it.<\/p>\n \u201cThat\u2019s okay, Joe.\u00a0 After all, you\u2019re nothing but the molly-coddled kid of a rich rancher.\u00a0 What else can I expect?\u201d<\/p>\n Maybe two seconds passed before he got the reaction he was hoping for.<\/p>\n \u201cWh..at?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cPampered rich boy.\u00a0 Always got someone to look after him.\u201d\u00a0 Danny went in for the kill.\u00a0 \u201cI bet you couldn\u2019t sit up if you tried.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe\u2019s eyes shot open and then, he began to stir.\u00a0 The injured man pressed one hand into the grass, sucked in a breath, and shoved.\u00a0 The action caused his friend to cry out, but Joe kept at it until he was upright \u2013 well, mostly<\/em> upright.<\/p>\n \u201cThanks, Danny,\u201d he panted.<\/p>\n \u201cHere, let me help,\u201d the ex-convict said as he wrapped an arm around his friend\u2019s middle.<\/p>\n \u201cWell, ain\u2019t you two a picture?\u201d a snide voice remarked.\u00a0 \u201cThis how you got through all them long lonely<\/em> nights in the lock-up, Kidd?\u201d<\/p>\n Danny looked up, expecting to find Travis or Crock.\u00a0 Instead, it was Bob Stevens; the cowboy he\u2019d nearly drowned in the Cartwright\u2019s water trough.<\/p>\n \u201cYou know them pretty boys,\u201d Asa Teller said as he came alongside the other man. \u00a0\u201cThey stick <\/em>together.\u201d<\/p>\n Danny felt Joe\u2019s muscles go taut beneath his fingers.\u00a0 He wanted to tell his friend it was okay; that this wasn\u2019t the first time he\u2019d been accused of such a thing. \u00a0What he didn\u2019t want to tell Joe was that there was some truth to it.\u00a0 In the middle of winter, in an unheated stone cell strewn with straw, feces and urine, a man took what comfort he could find.<\/p>\n Under his breath, he whispered, \u201cDon\u2019t give them an excuse, Joe.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou speakin\u2019 soft nothings in Cartwright\u2019s ear, con?\u201d Stevens jibed.<\/p>\n Joe\u2019s fingers were bruised and bloodied.\u00a0 He\u2019d fought back hard.\u00a0 It cost his friend as he formed them into fists.\u00a0 The \u2018pampered princeling\u2019 jammed them into the earth and said nothing.<\/p>\n That cost him too.<\/p>\n Danny had learned early on that men of Stevens and Teller\u2019s ilk \u2013 brutes like Travis Mudge \u2013 were looking for something.\u00a0 They weren\u2019t mean just to be mean.\u00a0 They wanted a return for the effort they were putting into being bastards. \u00a0That return was your anger and indignation \u2013 the assertion that you were