Summary: Hoss takes a stand with his father, but it takes a serious accident for Ben to fully accept what his son told him.
\nRating: PG\u00a0\u00a0 Word count: 8,168<\/p>\n
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Your Son Is a Man<\/strong><\/p>\n Chapter 1<\/strong><\/p>\n After a contentious meeting between Hoss Cartwright and his father, the middle son left and had not returned. Ben decided to write a letter of apology to bring his son home.<\/p>\n ***********<\/p>\n Dear Son<\/strong> When I built this ranch, I had a dream that it would be a place where my sons could live their lives and have a safe place to raise their own families. I thought it would be my legacy to the future and the generations of Cartwrights who could grow up here. Of course, none of my sons have started a family yet, but the news you gave me implied that could change.<\/p>\n However, I know I reacted badly. I was stunned by your news. It was the kind of thing I expected that I might hear from Joe or possibly even from Adam with the habits those two have had over the years. I never expected to hear that from you and thus never gave you a chance to fully explain. Because of things I said and the way I acted, I worry that you will make decisions on this trip that will affect your life and the lives of everyone in this family forever. What I’m asking is that you come home and give me another chance to listen to your side, to show you that I love you. I do trust you, and I do believe in you. Please give me a chance to show you that all those things are true. I’m sure we can work this out if you will give me another chance. **********<\/p>\n Dear Pa<\/strong><\/p>\n Just the way you opened your letter to me and the way you signed off on that letter to me too shows your attitude ain’t changed near enough. I don’t think you even know you’re doing it when you do it. You’ve been doing it so long and we been letting you do it, that it’s become an easy thing for you to do. You’re saying things like that and you’re letting me know who’s in charge and it ain’t me. I am your son, but I am a man and I deserve the respect a man gets. Let me tell you something. Being treated like a son who ought to obey his father is done. That’s over for me now. I let it go on far too long.<\/p>\n When Adam left, he said about as much to me. I didn’t want to accept it. I thought it was Adam taking responsibility for things that weren’t his fault and carrying the guilt like he seems to do too much. But he said it to me. He said he let you make his decisions for too long or have too much influence in his decisions. He should have stood up for himself more, but he gave in too much. The only way he could see to break that was to leave.<\/p>\n When he was gone and I had time to think on his words some, I saw what you did to Adam. He’s a man who had the most confidence of most any man I ever knew. But when Adam wanted to be with a woman like Rebecca or especially Regina, you sowed those seeds of doubt in his mind right from the start so he couldn’t build up the love he needed to be with either of them. When he had doubts about Laura, you made sure he never got over any of them in his mind. I think that is the biggest one of the reasons he had to get away from the Ponderosa. I wouldn’t be surprised at all if he’s got a woman by his side right now not that he’d tell us about that if he did. He’d be too worried about what would be said that might ruin things for him. You did the same with me with the couple of women I wanted to be with. Maybe you were right, but it wasn’t your place to interfere. It was no man’s place to interfere. I let Adam know it, but I never did tell you that you couldn’t. It bothered me that I didn’t. Now I am.<\/p>\n That’s how I feel about what you’re doing now. I feel like your words are out to ruin what I got, and I don’t want to lose this woman. She’s a real good woman and she loves me. I love her. She’s with child because of that. The only reason she wasn’t my wife already when I talked to you was that she could tell I was nervous about bringing her back to the Ponderosa as my wife without telling you first. She thought I wasn’t sure about wanting to marry her. That wasn’t it at all, but I almost ruined things with her because I was worried about how you would take things. That’s just wrong, Pa. A man should be proud to have his son bring home a wife.<\/p>\n I hoped you would welcome us both with smiles and congratulations. Instead I worried I’d see those frown lines and have to put up with hearing a whole bunch of them so-called concerns you would have. Well, I don’t see them as concerns. I see them as seeds of doubt you want to plant. Now, you want me to come home from my ‘trip’ and explain my side. You say we can work this out. Pa, I got to tell you that there ain’t a ‘my side’ to explain. There ain’t no reason to ‘work this out’ at all. This is my life, and you need to accept it, and that’s the plain truth of it. You ain’t got a side in it. You ain’t got no say at all. You got to say she’s a good woman and I made a good marriage, and that is the end of it.<\/p>\n Another thing is that the only reason you was ‘stunned’ as you call it was because I wasn’t living my life the way you wanted me to live it. Pa, I’m thirty-years old, and it’s way past time for me to have a wife and family. Some or even most of that is on me because I let you make my decisions for me for too long. I already told you that Adam said about the same to me before he left. He blamed himself for allowing you to put him in that position. He figured you would never change and his only chance was to leave. I figure I can do it my way too. I’ve made my choices now, and that’s that. You don’t get to have a say in my life. I do have one difference of opinion with my older brother. I think you can change if you put your mind to it. Maybe you couldn’t change with Adam. You two butted heads for too long maybe to ever figure out a way to work things out. But we should be able to get along as long as you remember what I’m saying here.<\/p>\n I’m a man, and I deserve the respect of making my own decisions. Until you can say you will welcome my wife with me and say nothing against it, I won’t be back. I was going to say home, but right now, my home is where my wife and the child we’re going to have are living. I can make my way in the world as well as anyone can. Another thing is that I ain’t on no ‘trip’ like you said. I left. I got a job here, and I’m making good money. If you can’t see fit to do things my way, well, you still got one son you ain’t pushed away yet. Joe can inherit the ranch and your dream if he wants it. I guess you better be careful and maybe talk with him before he has to break out of that nice cage you had us all in. Now I know you mean well, but you got to stop and think about what you’re doing. You got to look at it from our side.<\/p>\n For now, I got me some plans of things I want to do, and I mean to do them. I can tell you I’m happy. I’m happier than I’ve been in a long time and maybe happier than I can ever remember being. Having a wife by my side is something I was needing and missing in my life. I got her now, and she trusts me. We’re happy together, and nothing and nobody is going to separate us.<\/p>\n I hope you can accept what I’ve said and be happy for me too. I wrote to Adam and told him about what happened. You can guess his reply, but I won’t say it. You need to talk to him and straighten things out too before you lose him for good, and we never see him again. That would be a shame. But it’s all up to you now. Time to decide what is more important to you. Being the head of the Ponderosa and making all the decisions or having your family together and sharing the Ponderosa are your choices as I see it. I’m drawing a line in the dirt. It’s up to you to decide if you’re going to cross it or not.<\/p>\n Sincerely, <\/strong> ***********<\/p>\n Sitting in stunned silence after finishing the letter from Hoss, Ben Cartwright was such a mix of emotions and thoughts, it took him quite some time to pull things together. His first thought had been that the letter was too long for Hoss to have written the whole of it. That led to the next thought in which he suspected Adam of being complicit in its composition. That thought never left him, but he did know that once those ideas were in Hoss’ mind, there would likely be no easy way to shake them. He noted the warning about Adam, but he suspected he was being played by his sons. After all those years together, he had no doubt that Adam could not leave his brothers no matter how angry he could get at his father. He was sure his eldest son would be back.<\/p>\n As to how to get Hoss to come back first though so that Adam would return was the most serious question. He had thought time away would make him so homesick he would come back. Then, when that happened, Ben would welcome him and his wife and child because of course he would forgive him his transgression. He always forgave his sons even if he was sometimes harsh in his criticism of their actions. When Hop Sing told him that lunch was ready, he realized he was hours late in joining Joe at the roundup. It couldn’t be helped now. After lunch, he thought he could ride out there to see how things were going.<\/p>\n After gobbling down his lunch and offering a quick thank you to Hop Sing, Ben went to saddle Buck. He was rushing and didn’t notice that a fork used to move straw was leaning against the stall post. Whomever had done chores probably assumed he would use it when he took care of Buck’s stall. He realized no one had done that because there were two less men checking on the horses every day. In his frustration, he moved about without paying much attention, tripped on the fork knocking it back into the straw pile, and losing his balance in the process. Falling, he hit his head against the stall post and then fell into the straw pile where one of the fork tines penetrated his back. Half conscious, he couldn’t move nor call out and soon lost all awareness.<\/p>\n At the round-up, Joe was perturbed and everyone knew it and knew why. Ben hadn’t shown up again. He had done that quite a lot recently leaving Joe to handle things by himself. At the end of the day as things were being packed away, Candy walked over to the youngest Cartwright.<\/p>\n “You should head back to the house instead of staying in camp tonight.”<\/p>\n “Why?”<\/p>\n “You know why. I’m only saying what you’re thinking you should do anyway. It’s time you said what’s on your mind to the one who needs to hear it instead of holding it all inside.”<\/p>\n Knowing exactly what he meant, Joe nodded. There was no other reasonable response to his friend.<\/p>\n “Could you ask someone to saddle up a fresh horse for me?”<\/p>\n With a grin, Candy agreed and walked back to where the men were stowing their gear and getting ready to eat. They would be happy with his news too. A grumpy Cartwright was never a good one to have in camp.<\/p>\n Meanwhile Joe was thinking of all the points he needed to make with his father starting with him not being left with all the work. His father seemed to assume he could simply do the work of three men. Since Adam and then Hoss left, nothing had changed in work assignments because Ben Cartwright insisted his sons would soon be home. That was the second point Joe wanted to make. It was high time Ben did something to bring his sons home and the first step was to apologize for his behavior. Joe had to wince even thinking about that but knew it was true. Neither of his older brothers had done anything wrong. They had decided to live their lives as men according to their own rules. To their father, that had been wrong, and he had let them know how he felt about it in no uncertain terms. Now they were gone, and Joe knew they wouldn’t come back unless something changed dramatically. Meanwhile he was the only son. Candy had asked him about that.<\/p>\n “How long before you head out?”<\/p>\n “Head out?”<\/p>\n “Joe, I know you love your father and he loves you, but he treats you like a boy, and sometimes even like a hired hand. From what you said, it’s why Adam left. I never knew him, but from the stories I heard, the man had pride, and that had to grate. Now Hoss I know, and there is no way he could let his father say what he said and get away with it. So that leaves you. What will it take before you can’t take it anymore?”<\/p>\n “I’ll never leave. I can’t. Pa needs me, and it would destroy him if I left. Adam had it easy because both Hoss and I were here when he took off. Hoss knew Pa would lean on me. But what happens if I leave?”<\/p>\n “I guess you got a point there. It is darned unfair though. I wish there was another way. If he treated me the way he treats you sometimes, I’d be gone. There wouldn’t be an apology big enough to cover it.”<\/p>\n “And maybe that’s why he never treats you that way.”<\/p>\n “That’s a pretty sad way to look at things, but it’s probably true too. Say, when we hit California with these cattle from the roundup, maybe we could stop in and see Hoss before we head back here.”<\/p>\n After agreeing that was a good plan, Joe had second thoughts about it wondering how Hoss would receive them. Although he shouldn’t have worried about such a thing, it was never put to the test either because the rendezvous didn’t happen. When Joe rode home, he found his unconscious father in the barn. A whole new chapter of their lives was about to open up.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Chapter 2<\/strong><\/p>\n For the next few days, Ben heard almost everything said in his presence, but no one realized he could hear. He was unable to respond, but he heard and he remembered. The first conversation was the only one he was pleased to hear. Until then he had thought he might be dying and prayed he would live making the usual bargains with the Lord about making changes and being a better person if allowed to live. Then he heard his son talking with Doctor Martin, and for a time those earlier bargains were forgotten. It wasn’t until later and other conversations that his memory of that first conversation he did alone with the Lord became more significant..<\/p>\n “Joe, I would suggest you tell your brothers to come home.”<\/p>\n “But, Doc, I thought you said he would be all right?”<\/p>\n “Yes, he was amazingly lucky. That tine passed between where both the clavicular artery and vein are and above the lung and did no damage to any of them. A half-inch either way, and he would have bled to death or probably had a collapsed lung with about the same result.”<\/p>\n “Then why call my brothers home?”<\/p>\n “Because that tine still penetrated the chest cavity. Even though it was clean or as clean as it could be, it still could have put something into the chest cavity that will cause an infection. The next few days are critical.”<\/p>\n “Yeah, thank the Lord that after Hop Sing used it in the chicken coop, he thought to clean it by putting it in the forge fire that one of the hands was using. I hate to think what would have been on that fork otherwise. All right, I’ll contact my brothers, but I have one more question. Why isn’t he waking up?”<\/p>\n “He may have avoided the worst of the possibilities, but he still has s serious injury which caused him a great deal of pain and loss of blood. He is still in some shock from all of it and weak too. He’ll wake up but it might be some hours from now. He’s breathing well and his heartbeat is strong.”<\/p>\n That whole conversation was heard and understood by Ben. It made him relax and probably caused him to take even longer to wake up as he slept well. He was quite comfortable emotionally knowing he was expected to fully recover and that his sons were coming home without any effort on his part. The next time he heard a conversation though, it was not reassuring as this one had been.<\/p>\n “Your brothers aren’t coming home?”<\/p>\n “No, Doc, Adam’s response to my telegram was about the way he usually talked. Very few words but a lot was packed into the meaning behind the words.”<\/p>\n “He’s suspicious that your father is not in as much danger as we suspect he might be.”<\/p>\n “That’s about it. He said he could be back in less than a day if anything really happened.”<\/p>\n “Ooh, sounds like he’s still angry about things, isn’t he?”<\/p>\n “I’m not sure angry is the right word. I would say Adam is hurting more than angry. It’s been over a year, and I know Pa never sent a letter of apology or anything even hinting at that. He still blames Adam for all of it, and doesn’t see that he was the cause of Adam leaving. By refusing to change and not giving an inch, he lost his oldest son. ”<\/p>\n “Lost him?”<\/p>\n “Paul, I don’t think Adam will ever come back. In just those few words in that telegram, there was some hurt and bitterness. There was no love in his words only duty.”<\/p>\n “If your father knew, I think it would get him to do something. Maybe it would be what it would take to get him to look at this from Adam’s perspective finally. We can all see it, but Ben has never been able to accept that his unwillingness to change could never work with a man like Adam.”<\/p>\n “I know. At the time, I didn’t always see it that way, but now that I have to deal with it the same way, I understand.”<\/p>\n “What about Hoss?”<\/p>\n “His wife is close to having the baby. He’s afraid to leave her. She would be all alone there, and he won’t do that to her.”<\/p>\n “I guess all we can do is pray nothing takes a turn for the worse with your father.”<\/p>\n “Are you kidding me. It’s all I’ve been doing around the clock since I found him in the barn with a fork stuck into him.”<\/p>\n “Of course, Joe, and I’ll stop back in tomorrow to check on him. He should wake sometime today or this evening. Remember, sips of water or broth and nothing else until I see him again.”<\/p>\n Later that morning, Ben heard Joe and Candy have a similar conversation so he knew he had not imagined the first one. He was ready to wake up, but he was reluctant to do so with Joe and Candy in the room. When they were gone and Hop Sing was in the room, he opened his eyes. Hop Sing was going to alert Joe, but Ben choked out a negative response to that. Curious and worried, Hop Sing sat by the side of the bed and asked what was wrong with his old friend. He had expected that Ben would want to see Joe right away but instead wanted the opposite. Something was wrong in the family although something had been wrong for some time. Hop Sing had stopped commenting on it only shaking his head and walking away when he heard things from his employer that hurt his heart.<\/p>\n “Why you not want Little Joe to see you? He very worried.”<\/p>\n “Yes, and he’s upset with me too. I’m not ready to deal with him yet. I need time to think about things that I’ve heard.”<\/p>\n “You hear talk in room?”<\/p>\n “Yes, and I got a letter from Hoss that said many of the same things, and I still remember Adam leaving and what I thought were the angry rantings at that time. Now I realize all three are saying the same thing.”<\/p>\n “That you no let them grow up to be men?”<\/p>\n “You too?”<\/p>\n “I have heard the same from them for twenty years. I have heard from other people who say the same thing. Mister Cartwright keeps his boys on a tight leash. They say even when sons are big men. No boys. Men. But Mister Cartwright no see that. He see his boys.”<\/p>\n “Twenty years?”<\/p>\n “Adam at sixteen come to Hop Sing. Say my father no want me to grow up. My father give me work of a man and then expect me to act as a boy. He ask then how long can this go on but I no have answer. He find answer and not like it. He leave. Mister Hoss leave too. Mister Joe stay a boy longer but he a man now too. What you do?”<\/p>\n Shocked into speechlessness, Ben was quiet. Everyone had known but him. He should have known, but he had let his pride and his stubbornness get in the way. There was only one thing left to do. He had almost lost the chance, but he had learned the hard way. He wouldn’t lose this chance again.<\/p>\n “Could you ask Joe to come up here please. We need to talk.”<\/p>\n “You need rest. I tell him, but I tell him that too. You have time now to settle it with him. Then you will settle with Mister Adam and Mister Hoss too.”<\/p>\n It wasn’t a question. It was an order. Ben had to smile then. Hop Sing gave him a small bow and left the room. A short time later, Joe came in with a big smile.<\/p>\n “You’re awake.”<\/p>\n “I was awake before too, but I didn’t want you to know.”<\/p>\n The smile faded away.<\/p>\n “What? Why?”<\/p>\n Except Joe had a feeling he knew exactly why and what his father must have heard. He was sure of it even before his father confirmed it.<\/p>\n “I heard you and Candy talking.”<\/p>\n “Pa, I’m sorry.”<\/p>\n “Don’t be sorry, and don’t try to deny the truth of what you said or what he said to you. That letter I got from Hoss was about the same, and maybe it was even more. Of course, Adam said much of the same to me a number of times and quite vehemently just before he left. I kept thinking it was anger that made him say those things, that he was trying to hurt me. Now, I realize how much I hurt him and hurt Hoss and hurt you. I am so sorry. I heard Paul talk too and I know that I came so close to dying without ever having a chance to make this right. Joe, I need some help though. I need to know what I can do to bring my sons home and make them feel that this is their home and this is their family.”<\/p>\n “Pa, I’ll do whatever I can.”<\/p>\n Hesitant to say it hoping it would not upset his father who needed his rest, Joe still thought it was the most important thing to do and had to be the first step.<\/p>\n “You need to apologize and do it like you mean it and not like you usually do.”<\/p>\n There it was too. The eyebrows came down and the frown lines appeared. Joe had been honest, and it was already probably too much.<\/p>\n “What do you mean not like I usually do? I apologize sincerely when I am sorry for my actions or words.”<\/p>\n With a sigh, Joe accepted that there was no going back now. He was going to forge ahead and there would be progress, or there would be a slide into a relationship that meant he would be leaving too. Once more, he had to tread dangerous territory with his father knowing how sensitive he could be to criticism, real or implied.<\/p>\n “Yes, when you apologize, you are sincere. I didn’t say you weren’t. But it doesn’t sound like you are when you offer an explanation every time of why you did what you did. It seems instead that you are telling the reasons why you did it like it makes it all right to do. Therefore the apology is only something that has to be done like tipping your hat to a lady even if you don’t like her at all.”<\/p>\n At least Ben was quiet then thinking about his past and apologies he had made. He realized there was truth in what Joe had said. He couldn’t remember every instance but enough fit the pattern. He was exhausted though by everything that had happened.<\/p>\n “You’re right. I think that is enough for lesson one.”<\/p>\n “Sorry, Pa. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”<\/p>\n “I know you didn’t, and it is not your fault. This is all my fault, and I guess the whole process is likely to be difficult for me. But I want to do it. Later, can you help me write those apologies?”<\/p>\n “Sure thing, Pa. I’ll be here whenever you’re ready.”<\/p>\n Ben closed his eyes then hopeful that he at least had a chance to make things right with his sons. When Joe recounted the conversation to Hop Sing and to Candy, both smiled and offered their support in any way they could help.<\/p>\n “I was hoping you would say that. When we have these apologies ready, I think they need to be delivered in person by someone my brothers trust.”<\/p>\n Joe stared pointedly at Candy who raised his hands to ward off the assignment.<\/p>\n “I don’t even know Adam.”<\/p>\n “That’s why you’ll go see Hoss, and I’ll go find Adam.”<\/p>\n “Oh, well, that makes sense. Why didn’t you say that in the first place?”<\/p>\n “It was more fun this way.”<\/p>\n “There are times I wish Hoss had stayed and you had stormed off.”<\/p>\n “You’re lucky I’m here and not Adam. He would never tolerate you hanging out in the house when there was work to be done.”<\/p>\n “Are we sure we want him to come back then?”<\/p>\n The tone was serious then.<\/p>\n “We want him back, Candy. The place was never the same after he left. Pa likes to say that Hoss is the heart of the Ponderosa, but Adam was the soul. He kept us all focused on what was right more than anyone could and usually without saying a word about it but just by how he did things. Same as Hoss did his part at keeping us feeling good about things by how he lived his life and still does.”<\/p>\n “You sure do like your brothers a lot.”<\/p>\n “Well, not all the time. Adam did tell me once that I would be in prison or on the gallows if I hadn’t been raised in such a good family with brothers who watched out for me all the time.”<\/p>\n “Hey, I’m thinking I might like this oldest brother of yours. He seems pretty smart.”<\/p>\n “Enough. I need to go write down some ideas for Pa’s apologies. I’ll see you at dinner and we can make travel plans.”<\/p>\n “I’ll talk with the men and set up a work schedule for while we’re gone.”<\/p>\n After lunch, Joe sat in his father’s room until Ben woke. He wasn’t going to let him backtrack. He didn’t know that his father had been transformed by his accident. Because he knew he had almost died, he now had a mission to right the wrongs of his past, and none of those were more important than repairing the relationships with his sons.<\/p>\n “Joe, before we start writing, perhaps there is something else that can be done.”<\/p>\n “Pa, there’s nothing more important that these letters to Hoss and Adam.”<\/p>\n “No, but there is something equally important, and that is my message to you. I have been taking advantage of you, and that has to stop. I want to sign a paper giving you authority over the Ponderosa until I’m on my feet or your older brothers get home. You need to find some men to take over some of the responsibility so that it is not all on your shoulders.<\/p>\n Decide on a proper salary for each and set things up. I am sorry for doing that to you.”<\/p>\n Both knew how much Ben wanted to explain himself there, but he held it in. He would only discuss it if Joe opened the door. He did not.<\/p>\n “Thank you. I’ll set things up, and thank you for the apology too and recognizing how hard this has been on me. Now I have paper and I’m ready to write the apologies if you can’t, but I think they would be better in your hand. I can always talk more about the circumstances with Adam and Candy can do the same with Hoss.”<\/p>\n Startled by that, Ben could only ask one thing.<\/p>\n “You and Candy are bringing the letters to them?”<\/p>\n “Yes, this big an apology should be delivered in person, and you are not able to do it, so we will.”<\/p>\n “How will you find them?”<\/p>\n “We know the city each is in. I’ll send a telegram and set up a meeting place and time.”<\/p>\n “That’s very clever. That should work. All right, I’ll write out each apology.”<\/p>\n By dinnertime, the apology letters were written and sealed in envelopes. Joe and Candy made their final plans.<\/p>\n “We’ll go to town and send a telegram setting a meeting place for the day after tomorrow. Then we’ll take the express to Sacramento. You stay there until the time you meet Hoss, and I’ll continue on to San Francisco. We’ll head back with whatever answer we each get.”<\/p>\n The next day, all went according to their plan. It was the day after that when things got much more complicated.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Chapter 3<\/strong><\/p>\n In town early the next morning, Joe sent two telegrams. There was no time to wait for a reply as the express stage was going to be leaving soon after he finished that errand. Candy was nervous about meeting Hoss not knowing if he would welcome the meeting and its purpose or not. However his worries were mild compared to Joe’s. Adam had communicated very little in the past year. Joe believed he was hurt more than angry, but if those feelings persisted, it could be a difficult conversation. That was it would be if he was even willing to talk about the situation. Joe and Candy had a conversation with Ben before they left that had given them something both sons could accept and that might tip the scales. It might be necessary if either was wavering on whether to come back to the Ponderosa if not to stay but at least to visit with their father and settle matters between them. It had been the most heartfelt thing Joe thought he had ever heard his father say.<\/p>\n “Pa, what if they don’t want to believe you? What if they say that they don’t think you will change?”<\/p>\n “Joe, when I was laying here in this bed and woke to the pain of my injury, I remembered how I was hurt and where. I thought I was dying. I lay here and all the regrets of things I had not done and wanted to do went through my mind. I wanted to live so I could do those things. At the top of that list was reconciling with my two oldest sons and making things right with my youngest. With no one there to convince, I had to admit to myself that I was the one who was making the situation too difficult for my sons to tolerate. It was then I realized that it was only your love for me that was keeping you here. You had to be miserable. The conversations I overheard before I could wake up fully or wanted to wake up fully only confirmed my worst thoughts. As the days of my recuperation began to loom, I knew I could not recover physically unless I made myself and my family healthy again. I had to live like I was dying. I had to live, I guess, like I wanted to live when I thought I was dying. The way I was living and what I knew I needed to do were so different, I had to accept that many of the changes would not be pleasant for me, but after what I subjected my sons to for years, it seemed appropriate that would happen to me.”<\/p>\n “So when I suggested the letters of apology?”<\/p>\n “It hit hard and I wanted to argue especially when you told me what was wrong with how I apologize, but I held back. I guess I may have that reaction a number of times, but it’s necessary. I’ve told my sons that it can be wise to hold their tongues. Well, I guess it’s time for me to heed some wisdom.”<\/p>\n “What do you think now about what I said?”<\/p>\n “I don’t think I do it all the time, but I know that you were right that I did it with Hoss and I did it with Adam. I know that is part of the problem that I have to address. I need your help. If I start to slip into doing that again, please stop me.”<\/p>\n “I will.”<\/p>\n So the two had worked together on the letters of apology knowing how important they were. Ben wished he could deliver them in person, but he knew he couldn’t travel for quite some time. Doctor Martin wanted him in bed for the rest of the week, and then he wanted him to stay around the house and take it easy for several more weeks. Paul wouldn’t release him to do more until he was sure there was no risk of bleeding especially considering where the wound was. They had to accept Paul’s advice on that.<\/p>\n So, armed with those letters, Candy and Joe headed out to try to begin to repair the relationship between father and sons by getting the sons to at least come back to the Ponderosa to speak with their father. Joe was sure it would work.<\/p>\n “Candy, he’s willing to try all sorts of new ideas. I know it took too long, and Adam is still going to be bitter about that, but it’s a big change, an important change.”<\/p>\n “What kind of changes?”<\/p>\n “Oh, like we hired you as foreman. We could hire other men to supervise other aspects of our operations like the mines and the timber as well as the saw mill. We should reorganize as a business too with multiple enterprises and sort out duties so not everyone is working on everything. If necessary, we’ll get some help on the paperwork too.”<\/p>\n “Any improvements to the ranch itself?”<\/p>\n “We’ll wait to see what my brothers say, but I think those windmills Adam wanted and the hay fields and hay barns are real possibilities. Hoss always wanted to improve our beef breeding, and of course, I want to do the same with the horses.”<\/p>\n “All of that could cost a lot of money.”<\/p>\n “Yes, so it wouldn’t happen right away. We would have to work out a plan and set priorities.”<\/p>\n The two friends spent the rest of the trip to Sacramento discussing those possibilities. In the city, Joe reluctantly bid goodbye to Candy. Although he wanted to see Hoss, it was important to get to Adam too. He caught the steamer and headed to the city by the bay.<\/p>\n When Candy got the house where Hoss and his wife were living, he was greeted with a big hug but also a question.<\/p>\n “Ain’t Joe with you?”<\/p>\n “I’m sorry, and he was too, but he had to head to the city to meet Adam. He’s got a letter for him like I have this for you. It’s from your father.”<\/p>\n “First, you got to meet my wife and my daughter.”<\/p>\n Hoss’ face had gotten serious when there was mention of the letter, but he brightened immediately at the talking of his wife and daughter. He led Candy to a bedroom, knocked, and announced his visitor. Inside, a pretty woman was resting in bed and cradling an infant.<\/p>\n “I know she’s sleeping and doesn’t need me to hold her, but I find it difficult to put her down when I’m awake.”<\/p>\n Hoss motioned for Candy to come closer.<\/p>\n “Candy, this is my wife, Linda, and this is our daughter, Margaret. Linda wants to call her Peggy. I don’t know how that will go over with Adam, so for now, she’s Margaret. Linda, this is Candy. He was a good friend to me on the Ponderosa.”<\/p>\n “Why would Adam care what you call your daughter?”<\/p>\n “That lady he was supposed to marry who stepped out on him with our cousin, Will, well, her daughter was named Peggy. She and Adam was real close.”<\/p>\n “Ah, that could be an issue then.”<\/p>\n “Could be. I was going to ask him when I saw him, but I forgot to ask. So I think we might need to think on whether we can call her by another name. It’s not the kind of thing that can rightly be put in a letter.”<\/p>\n Linda had a comment then.<\/p>\n “Nor should a communication from father to son be in a letter brought by the foreman. Why is that the case, Candy?”<\/p>\n Candy politely started his answer by addressing Linda but switched his attention to Hoss.<\/p>\n “Now I know Hoss here and Adam too probably have cause to be upset with Mister Cartwright. When he got hurt and Joe asked you to come home, you weren’t so sure he wasn’t playing some kind of game with you, Hoss. He wasn’t. He could have died. In fact, it’s knowing that he could have died that has made him rethink a lot of things. He said that laying there thinking he might die, he knew there were things he wanted to do. When he knew he was going to live, he decided to live the way he thought he should when he thought he was dying. He’s got regrets and knows there are things he needs to make right.”<\/p>\n “Live like he was dying, then?”<\/p>\n “That’s about it.”<\/p>\n “I guess I am ready to read that letter. Would you stay here and visit with Linda and let me read it in private?”<\/p>\n “I would enjoy that.”<\/p>\n Sitting in a chair near the bed, Candy asked how old the baby was.<\/p>\n “She’s two days old. Well, she’s almost two days old. She was born yesterday morning. Adam was here. He said he wouldn’t miss seeing his brother become a father. He left early today.”<\/p>\n “Dang, I hope Joe can catch up to him then. He headed out that way with another letter.”<\/p>\n “Oh, no, there could be a big problem.”<\/p>\n “What kind of problem?”<\/p>\n “I’ll let Hoss tell you when he gets back in here.”<\/p>\n When Hoss returned, he had tears in his eyes. Sitting on the bed next to Linda, he told her what had been in the letter.<\/p>\n “He apologized for what he said to me and for not welcoming you to the family. He wants us to come home and take our rightful place. He wants to have a big party to celebrate if that’s all right with us. In the letter, he laid out some changes he and Joe discussed but said nothing will be done until I get back and get my say in it. There will be money to add an addition onto the house for us or enough for us to build and furnish our own house. It will be our choice as to which we like better. My ideas for improving the beef breed we have and for how we sell our beef is what he and Joe think I ought to be put in charge of. With everything that needs to be done, we will need help with the paperwork and he asked if you had any interest in that or in being a schoolteacher on the ranch. He’s willing to set up quarters for married hands like I suggested but that will mean children and they’ll need some schooling before they head to town for regular school.”<\/p>\n “That means Margaret will have playmates then.”<\/p>\n “Yup, it’s looking that way. Seems Pa was listening to me all those years when he told me none of my ideas would work. At least he remembered them.”<\/p>\n “Hoss, Candy said he had some bad news to share though. It’s about Adam.”<\/p>\n Instantly wary, Hoss focused on Candy.<\/p>\n “What about Adam?”<\/p>\n “Joe went to the city with a letter for him too. It’s why I’m here. Joe wanted to talk to Adam and figured you would be willing to talk to me.”<\/p>\n “Oh, Lordy, there is a problem. Joe is going to be mighty upset.”<\/p>\n Candy had little to say when Hoss finished his short explanation.<\/p>\n “There’s nothing we can do about that except hope Joe catches up to him. Meanwhile, what are you thinking? Will you go back to the ranch?”<\/p>\n “Candy, I got to talk to Linda about it.”<\/p>\n “I understand that. Linda, it was a pleasure meeting you and Margaret. I hope I get to see you again and often. Hoss, I’ll take a room at that hotel near the stockyards that we always use after drives. You can contact me whenever you want. Joe is supposed to meet me back here. He knows that I’ll be staying there.”<\/p>\n “When Joe gets back, why don’t you both come over here. I’ll have an answer by then.”<\/p>\n That meeting happened the following day as a dejected Joe arrived to announce what they expected to hear. He had missed Adam and found that he wouldn’t be able to meet with him without a great deal of difficulty or at least a great amount of planning. After meeting his sister-in-law and niece, Joe asked about the wagon in front of the house.<\/p>\n “If you two can stay a couple of days, we could use some help with packing things up. That freight hauler will take our things to the ranch and we’ll go with you by stage. You can let Pa know we’re heading back to try to work things out. But he needs to remember one thing. I drew a line and he don’t get to cross it ever again.”<\/p>\n “Don’t worry, Hoss. If he tries, I’ll be there to rein him in too. I finally found that I had to step up and do what you and Adam did. I had to say I’m a man and not my father’s little boy.” Grinning then, Joe had to make an amendment to that. “Oh, I can’t say there won’t be moments.”<\/p>\n “Oh, I know. We can’t change things so much overnight, but as long as he’s trying and knows I won’t stand for it, then we’re going to be all right.”<\/p>\n “Have you decided where you want to live?”<\/p>\n “We’ll talk it over when we get there. We kind of like the idea of an addition to the house, but it’s got to be a separate area and not just adding more bedrooms. We like the idea of being close, but we want our privacy too.”<\/p>\n “So adding a wing instead of just adding on.”<\/p>\n “Yeah, like that.”<\/p>\n “Seems reasonable to me. I think we got the votes for it already.”<\/p>\n Hoss shook his head.<\/p>\n “You know, I hadn’t thought about it like that. I guess this new way is going to take some getting used to.”<\/p>\n The telegram to Ben said they were coming home and that they had achieved some success. When the group arrived at the Ponderosa, Ben was as happy as he could remember being. However after greeting Hoss, Linda, and Margaret, he had to ask about Adam. Hoss gave him the answer.<\/p>\n “He was at my house when Margaret was born. He said he had to see me become a father. While he was there, he told me had some opportunities and was going to take advantage of them.”<\/p>\n “Oh, I’m happy for him, but I wish those opportunities could have been here. Where will he be working then?”<\/p>\n “Pa, Adam’s going to be living in a city called Sydney.”<\/p>\n “Sydney? I’m not familiar with that.”<\/p>\n “It’s in Australia, Pa. Adam left the afternoon of the day Joe arrived with your letter. He never got a chance to read it or to talk with Joe.”<\/p>\n “He left the country?”<\/p>\n “Pa, he met some people and they told him about some jobs that he could have, and well, he decided it fit with what he wanted to do. He wanted to do some traveling and work in construction and see new things. This has all of that for him.”<\/p>\n “But he’ll be all alone.”<\/p>\n “There’s this other thing, Pa. One of the people encouraging him to go was a lady. He likes her a lot. I got the feeling he won’t be alone there. I think he’s happy, Pa. Maybe you can write a different kind of letter to him so that maybe someday, he’ll come back here.”<\/p>\n Not everything had changed. Joe had tears on his cheeks by the conclusion of that conversation and Ben hugged him before suggesting they could all go in the house where Hop Sing was waiting for them.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Epilogue<\/strong><\/p>\n That night, Ben penned a letter to his son apologizing, wishing him well, and telling him what had happened. He mentioned they were in the midst of a drought and he regretted not putting in those windmills as Adam had encouraged him to do. He did mention a red-haired youth who was in the area promising that he could provide rain. Ben had little faith in rainmakers, but he felt a bond somehow with the young man. The letter was the first of many. It was the only communication Ben had with his eldest son for a long time, and it was the best communication they had ever had. Ben got to know his eldest son long-distance as he watched Adam’s two younger brothers grow into their roles running the Ponderosa and making it better. Then there was the addition of Jamie to the family and Ben’s chance to be the father he had always wanted to be. He had to thank Hoss for drawing a line in the sand and a fork in the barn for causing him live his life like he was dying. It was better to do the right thing than to have regrets, and recognizing his sons were men was something he needed to keep in mind at all times.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Tags:\u00a0 Ben Cartwright,\u00a0Candy Canaday,\u00a0Hoss Cartwright,\u00a0Joe \/ Little Joe Cartwright<\/p>\n
\nI have to apologize for the harsh words that I spoke. I only wanted the best for you, and in my frustration, I lost my temper. My anger and my surprise at your news combined to make me say things I should not have said.<\/p>\n
\nYour father,
\nBen Cartwright<\/strong><\/p>\n
\nHoss Cartwright, <\/strong>
\nA husband, soon to be a father, and your son<\/strong><\/p>\n