Summary:\u00a0 Clearing out a neglected corner of the barn leads to unexpected development for Adam and his family.<\/p>\n
Rated: T<\/p>\n
Word Count:\u00a0 2044<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\u00a0<\/em>\u201cGrandfather, look what I found! It was way down under the straw in the back stall, the one we haven\u2019t used for a long time.<\/p>\n Even at 14 years of age, Mark was an exuberant boy. He opened his fist to show his grandfather a penknife on his palm.<\/p>\n \u201cLook, it\u2019s yours. \u2018Adam Cartwright\u2019 is engraved here on the handle.\u201d<\/p>\n The old man hadn\u2019t needed to be told. He had known from the first glimpse of its ivory handle that the knife was back. The jackknife that he hadn\u2019t missed, that he had hoped was gone away forever after he lost it years ago.<\/p>\n The boy folded out the blade and tested its edge with his thumb.<\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019s still \u2026\u201d he began, just as his grandfather hissed sharply, \u201cDon\u2019t touch the blade. Give it to me! Immediately!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cBut\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n Adam held up his hand in a demanding gesture and the boy quickly obeyed his angry grandfather.<\/p>\n \u201cI found it, and I only wanted\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n Again Adam interrupted him, \u201cYou could have cut off your finger!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cCut off? I would never do that! I wouldn\u2019t even slice into my finger, I\u2019m not a baby, grandfather.\u201d The boy tried to smile at the old man when he saw that he was breathing heavily and clenching his teeth. \u201cGrandpa, what\u2019s wrong?\u201d<\/p>\n What\u2019s wrong? Everything was wrong! Everything. <\/em>Adam spun on his heel and left the porch with hard strides.<\/p>\n He was leaning against the crossbar of the corral when he felt the presence of the boy at his side. \u201cGrandpa, did something terrible happen with this knife? You look so\u2026frightened. Ma always says, \u2018let it out,\u2019 when I\u2019m upset. Maybe you can tell me about it.\u201d<\/p>\n Now Adam looked at the boy\u2026or was the tall youngster more than that? He was as tall as Adam had been as a youth, or maybe bigger. Adam felt the pain in his clenched jaw muscles and knew he had to relax them. Maybe telling was the best. He knew the boy was a good listener. Not only in this regard was he like Adam\u2019s brother Hoss. <\/em>So he nodded and let out the breath he had held without realizing.<\/p>\n \u201cIt was out in the prairie,\u201d he began. \u201cAround forty years ago I came back from Boston to the Ponderosa with my family. I had a good life in Boston, and a lot of friends. I had married your grandmother in my middle age and we had two young sons. Then I decided to raise them in the West, where my father and my brothers were, to build my house on Ponderosa land and work as an architect in Virginia City. We took the train partway, and after that, the stagecoach. We were in the middle of the prairie when\u2026. You know your uncle\u2019s hand?\u201d<\/p>\n The boy nodded, wide-eyed.<\/p>\n \u201cWe had stopped at a water hole. Your uncle who was no more than two years old by then, was playing on the ground. He must have touched the rattler behind or between the stones. I heard the rattle and his yell in the same moment. I shot the snake, but it was too late. I grabbed my son and saw punctures in the index and middle fingers of his right hand. I thought of sucking the poison out, but I had read that\u2019s normally not successful. I knew the small body of my son couldn\u2019t bear the poison, so I had to decide quickly. \u2026\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou amputated his fingers? It was you who did that to Uncle Paul\u2019s hand?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYes, with that knife there, I cut off his tiny fingers.\u201d Adam\u2019s jaw clenched again. \u201cI maimed him for life.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou did what was needed, Grandpa. I\u2019m sure Uncle Paul knows that. Have you ever asked him about it?\u201d<\/p>\n **********<\/p>\n After a short hesitation, Adam chose to use the stair rail when he climbed the seven white stone steps into the impressive building. Virginia City was always hot in the summer, and the two hours in the carriage had been more demanding than he liked to admit. He gave a satisfied nod as he read \u201cCartwright & Johnson\u2014Lawyers\u201d on the marble stab. Then he straightened himself up and entered the building. From the hall, he opened the office through the big door with ornamental glass.<\/p>\n Three young women approached him, all talking at once:<\/p>\n \u201cOh, Mister Cartwright, good morning!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cDoes your son expect you? I think not but I will ask him \u2026\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cPlease let me take your top hat. Would you like something cold to drink?\u201d<\/p>\n The door to the left opened and Paul Cartwright entered the room. \u201cCome on in, Father! Two glasses with cold water and two cups of coffee, please.\u201d The younger man opened the door wide to let his father go in first. \u201cIs something wrong, Father? You could have sent for me\u2014it\u2019s a very hot day for a trip in the carriage. Please, sit down.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo, everything is fine. Or maybe it\u2019s just no worse than before.\u201d<\/p>\n The younger man raised his eyebrows. At that moment a secretary brought the beverages. Adam reached for a glass and took a deep gulp. \u201cYes, it\u2019s very hot outside. Here in your office it\u2019s nicely cool,\u201d he said, looking up at the huge ceiling fan. \u201cAh, son, I think it\u2019s time to tell you something. I never told you so but I\u2019m eighty years old now and I think I have to. I\u2019m sorry\u2014I\u2019m really ashamed of what I did to you.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhat do you mean, Father?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYour hand. I crippled you,\u201d the old man said.<\/p>\n \u201cMy hand? Why now? It\u2019s been more than forty years. Father, you saved my life back then! Not many men would have been so quick thinking and\u2014courageous to do a thing like that and save their child\u2019s life.\u201d<\/p>\n Adam\u2019s gaze was still fixed on the slowly turning fan.<\/p>\n \u201cYes, Father. Everyone who\u2019s ever commented on my injury congratulated me on my courageous father.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo. It\u2019s not only that I did the amputation and spoiled your hand. I\u2019m guilty in another way. Guilty and selfish.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAs I said, Father\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n Adam\u2019s gesture stopped him.<\/p>\n \u201cPaul, why were you in the middle of nowhere when you touched that rattler? Why did you have to travel such a long way as a toddler? Because I decided I would live here in the West. It wasn\u2019t necessary! We had a fine life in Boston. It was my decision to leave, but you paid the price. In making that choice I took so many choices from you.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cDo you think so?\u201d<\/p>\n The older man nodded.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat choices?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cPlaying the piano\u2026or\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOh yes, maybe I could have been a crack shot. Or a dentist.\u201d Paul grinned. \u201cI\u2019m happy with my life, Father. I\u2019m a successful lawyer, I have a family, a house, I sing in the choir\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cBut all that you could have done in Boston, too.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cMaybe, but I would never have known my grandfather Ben or my uncles and cousins. I wouldn\u2019t have had a childhood on the Ponderosa, wouldn\u2019t have found my wife right here in VC.\u201d<\/p>\n The older man still looked unconvinced.<\/p>\n \u201cFather, do you blame Grandpa Ben about Grandmama Inger\u2019s death?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYes,\u201d Adam answered after a short pause. \u201cSometimes I did, especially after your accident. It wasn\u2019t far from Ash Hollow, and it hit me in that moment how dangerous it was to travel with a young family, with a pregnant wife. A man with responsibilities shouldn\u2019t risk the lives of young children or his wife. Yes, in that way, my father was selfish, too.\u201d<\/p>\n Both men sipped from their coffee cups at the same moment.<\/p>\n \u201cI have just such a case on my desk, Father, from a man who lost his young son. A runaway wagon killed the little boy as he played on the sidewalk. The father wants to accuse the coachman or the owner of the coach, but the horses were spooked because another man shot and killed a rat. Who\u2019s guilty, Father?\u201d<\/p>\n Adam\u2019s brow shot up. \u201cAre you telling me that accidents happen, boy?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYes! And I think decisions lead to new facts, but not making decisions can also lead to new facts\u2014different facts. My grandmother died in childbed in Boston. Who is to blame? Would Grandpa Ben have been happy as a storekeeper? Would Grandmother Inger have been happy with him? Or was she fascinated by a man with dreams, a man who wanted to take control of his life? What about Uncle Joe? He wouldn\u2019t exist if Grandfather had made another choice.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhy do I have a son who\u2019s a lawyer? You even can best me in a logical argument.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cDo you think Grandfather Ben blamed himself?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo, he didn\u2019t. I read all his diaries to make certain. He was devastated, but for him it was destiny, not guilt.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou see, Father.\u201d The younger man put on his business smile. \u201cI never blamed you, be assured,\u201d He stood and extended his hand to his father. \u201cIn ten minutes a client is due. I need to read my notes before we meet. Sorry.\u201d<\/p>\n Adam held the injured hand with both his hands, and then caressed it cautiously.<\/p>\n \u201cI don\u2019t have much time,\u201d Paul said, but he didn\u2019t make a move to withdraw his hand. It appeared he\u2019d been caught off-guard by his father\u2019s soft touch. \u201cBe certain, Pa, I was always proud of you, but\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cBut what, son?\u201d Adam\u2019s voice was low now and he searched his son\u2019s eyes. \u201cI did too much pain to you on that day? You couldn\u2019t love me anymore?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOh, I don\u2019t even remember that day. No, I was ashamed as a boy that I was such a sissy, that I always let you down.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhat?\u201d<\/p>\n Now Paul\u2019s voice was very low. \u201cSometimes the hand hurt, I think when it grew, and Ma put a cool salve on it and you always left the room with a stony face.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cPaul, you thought\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou always went easy on me, even if I did something real bad. I was never sure if I maybe wasn\u2019t worth the effort for you, such a little sissy.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOh, Paul, I\u2019m sorry you felt that way! Why didn\u2019t you say anything?\u201d Adam asked, baffled.<\/p>\n The younger man looked at his father with a lopsided grin, \u201cMaybe because I am a son of yours, Pa? Telling our feelings isn\u2019t our forte, is it?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo, it isn\u2019t. But we will learn!\u201d With that Adam pulled the forty-five-year-old man around the big desk with a strength his son hadn\u2019t thought the old man still possessed and drew him to his breast for a tight hug.<\/p>\n \u201cI love you, son, and always have. And I\u2019m proud of you without any buts.\u201d And he kissed the scar on his son\u2019s hand, the scar he hadn\u2019t dared to look at for so many years.<\/p>\n **********<\/p>\n In the carriage on the way back Adam sang with a loud voice the gospel hymn about \u201cJoshua\u2019s Battle.\u201d He knew why this song had come into his mind and he winked at himself as he sang, or maybe at the memory of Marie, who had tried so hard to break through his walls and to teach him to trust again, even after so many blows of fate. Yes, he always had had his walls; he had learned this day a lot about how walls that were built to protect feelings could become barriers and ice-cold lumps in the breast, and even could be passed on through generations, but still they could come down! Paul and he had destroyed the barrier between them today.<\/p>\n And then in his freed heart a warm flow of creativity shaped words and rhymes about joy and trust, love and happiness, and he was impatient to tell Mark how well his advice had worked and to recite his new poem, and maybe to fit it to a tune so he could sing it with all his children and grandchildren.<\/p>\n The End<\/p>\n Author\u2019s Note:<\/p>\n Written for the 2022 Ponderosa Paddlewheel Poker Tournament.\u00a0\u00a0 The game was Five Card Draw and the words and\/or phrases I was dealt were:<\/p>\n poetry
\nrunaway wagon
\nrattlesnake
\nengraved penknife
\ndiary<\/p>\n