A Flicker of Light<\/strong><\/p>\nHe was lying with his eyes open, trying to make something out in the darkness around him. He was not sure whether the room was dark or not. Everything was so quiet, it ought to have been night, but he could be wrong. He prayed silently for a flicker of light, not more, just the smallest flicker of hope to be seen in the darkness. Since he had slipped so… stupidly on the river\u2019s bank, hitting his head against the log, as they told him later, there had been no light.<\/p>\n
There would not be. He suspected the doctor had not told him everything\u2026<\/p>\n
He could not but smile, however faintly, at the sound of his father\u2019s footsteps behind the door. \u201cCome in,\u201d he said softly, hearing Ben hesitate in the entrance. \u201cYou didn\u2019t wake me up.\u201d Slow, heavy steps came nearer. \u201cCan\u2019t you sleep? Feeling worse? Maybe you have a headache?\u201d, a strong hand touched his cheek gently. \u201cWhat do you need? Water? A painkiller?\u201d Adam sighed wearily. \u201cI need nothing, Pa. I just woke up.\u201d Well, it was maybe not the entire truth, but that would not cause Ben to worry that much – hopefully. \u201cIs it night?\u201d He sensed the sudden wave of pain hit his father, and regretted asking. \u201cDon\u2019t worry, Pa, I\u2019ll be all right. We just have to wait, just as Paul said, remember?\u201d The rough fingers caressed his face with love. \u201cI know, son. I\u2019m not worried, really. I know you\u2019ll be all right.\u201d Liar, Adam thought with concern. \u201cIt\u2019s night, and a really dark one,\u201d Ben apparently tried to smile. \u201cI can hardly see your face. I\u2019m sure a smile of yours would have lit the room more conveniently.\u201d Adam sighed again. \u201cCome on, Pa, I\u2019m not blind… \u201c, he broke off with the striking realisation of the nonsense he spoke. \u201cI mean, not\u00a0 t h a t\u00a0 blind. You brought a lamp with you, first of all, then the night is starry, I bet, and you\u2019re worried sick, much more than I am.\u201d Touch\u00e9, two liars now. Ben shifted on the bed. \u201cYou can see the lamp?\u201d, he asked in surprise. \u201cWhy, that…\u201d \u201cIt got warmer where it usually stands,\u201d Adam interrupted him shortly. \u201cYou always take a lamp with you, don\u2019t you?\u201d<\/p>\n
His father moved to the window, probably looked outside, staying there for a while. Adam slowly reached to the lamp – it was fairly warm, the flame could not have been big. He tried to make it bigger. It was apparently working, as Ben reacted, \u201cWhat are you doing?\u201d \u201cI am trying to see light,\u201d Adam explained. \u201cIt may happen the soonest, the doctor said.\u201d He squinted. \u201cI should actually try to see the sun first, it\u2019s bigger and much easier to notice,\u201d he laughed softly. \u201cMaybe I\u2019ll see it in a week or two. Or three. I\u2019m still impatient, but I know it needs much more time.\u201d He sighed. \u201cI shouldn\u2019t be impairing my eyes.\u201d The night visit had helped him, he felt. \u201cDo you mind if I fall asleep now? I don\u2019t want to be impolite, but you said it was night.\u201d<\/p>\n
The heavy steps again, this time a smallest bit lighter. A kiss on his forehead. \u201cGood night, son.\u201d \u201cGood night, Pa,\u201d he snuggled into the quilt again. There was something lacking, as he had felt more and more often recently, but the feeling was so elusive, impossible to grasp, to define. What could be lacking, anyway? He had so much…<\/p>\n
***<\/p>\n
\u201cHey, big brother!\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam smiled, reaching the chair. \u201cSorry I\u2019m a bit late. Did you eat everything up already, Hoss, or is there still something left?\u201d He sat down. He oriented himself perfectly in the house after the difficult ordeal of the first blind days. Hope there still was – the more time passed, the less of it.<\/p>\n
\u201cAdam, I am wiring for the best eye specialist to San Francisco,\u201d Ben looked at him with concern. Hoss and Joe exchanged clearly concerned glances, as he could impossibly see them. \u201cWe\u2019ve waited long enough.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWould you kindly wait then for\u00a0 m y\u00a0 decision?\u201d, Adam did not bother to raise his eyes. \u201cI know what I am doing. Paul too.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI am still wiring for him,\u201d Ben looked at him sternly. \u201cAnd I want to hear no discussion.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI am little interested in seeing him,\u201d Adam straightened himself in the chair. \u201cBut – if it helps you… I am not really hungry, however the stew is delicious,\u201d he raised himself and headed for the door. \u201cI\u2019ll be in the stable.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI think he\u2019s losing hope, Pa. How can it be that he does not want an eye specialist?\u201d, Joe paced nervously to and fro in front of the fireplace. \u201cWe\u2019ve got to get him out of this depression.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cOne word about it and he\u2019s losing appetite, doesn\u2019t want to talk… How can we help him?\u201d, Hoss\u2019 question was a plea, in fact. Ben sighed. \u201cHe insists that the doctor\u2019s visit will help me rather than him. Why is that kid as stubborn as a mule and won\u2019t let us help him? Is he really losing hope?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cA \u2019kid\u2019? I know he acts irresponsibly but he\u2019s a dozen years older than me, and I\u2019m an adult,\u201d noticed Joe. \u201cMaybe ask Paul…\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cPaul Martin is a mule of a doctor and sends me back to Adam!\u201d, Ben raised his voice in anger. \u201cI\u2019ll visit the telegraph office today, and whether he likes it or not, he will be examined by a specialist!\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam sighed in the doorway, his eyes directed towards their voices. There was no way of avoiding telling them the truth, apparently, at least some part of it. \u201cI have seen him already,\u201d he admitted calmly, starting them due to his quiet unnoticed entrance. \u201cYou cannot help me, as much as all of us would like it. I am working on some solutions with the doctor. I promise to ask you for help if you are\u00a0 ABLE\u00a0 to help me. I didn\u2019t tell you not to worry you… it needs more time than we have thought it would. It\u2019s just that.\u201d He wondered how easy it had become to lie about it. \u201cPaul left the decision of informing you to me. I\u2019m sorry.\u201d<\/p>\n
Ben\u2019s arms embraced him strongly, then two other pairs of arms, then he felt a mighty twinge of guilt. No, he would tell them… later, he repeated.<\/p>\n
***<\/p>\n
\u201cJoseph, the horse is shying all the time, take it easy,\u201d advised Adam, listening to what he knew to be horse breaking done by his younger brother. \u201cYou make too much noise approaching him.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cOh, gosh,\u201d Joe groaned. \u201cI\u2019m as quiet as a mouse. Why don\u2019t you try, if you\u2019re so smart?\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam calmly got down from the buggy and headed perfectly straight and self-confidently where he heard his brother lean against the railing. He came over it in a few confident moves and neared the horse; it backed slightly, Adam stopped; he made one step, it waited; he made another, it still waited; he extended slowly one hand, and froze in that position; a long moment of the horse\u2019s hesitation caused Joe already to worry for his older brother, but then it neared Adam softly and\u2026 put its head in his hand – trustingly.<\/p>\n
That very moment welcomed Ben approaching the buggy. The scene before him could impossibly escape his sight. \u201cAdam!\u201d<\/p>\n
The horse reared suddenly; Adam immediately raised his palms in a gesture of surrender, listening with the unpleasant feeling of disorientation to what was going on. Could he only see what\u2026<\/p>\n
All became quiet; the horse seemed uncertain as to what was going on as well; his family he felt to have frozen in fear for him; this all gave him some orientation as to what to do. He extended his hand towards the horse again and waited; he felt uneasiness flee him; instinctively, he allowed himself a gentle smile; the hooves came nearer; and nearer; soft, warm skin touched his hand; then, the horse\u2019s head rested there with trust. He backed slowly to the railing, the horse following his hand, as though glued to it. It seemed displeased to have to part with it due to the railing. Nevertheless, it did not misbehave anymore, just looking towards Adam.<\/p>\n
Joe accompanied his brother and father to the buggy, leaving the horse alone for the time being. Ben angrily shook Adam by the arms.<\/p>\n
\u201cAre you mad? The horse might have killed you! You\u2019ve never behaved so irresponsibly! From now on you\u2019ll stay in your room until the eye-specialist arrives and operates you! And I want to hear no protests!\u201d<\/p>\n
With that, the heart-tearing emptiness in Adam\u2019s eyes faded to be replaced by living fire.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m not a prisoner of yours! And it is I who must agree for the operation, not you or anybody else! And, I will certainly\u00a0 n o t\u00a0 stay in my room like one crippled, unless you tie me to the bed! It is\u00a0 m y\u00a0 life, and nobody but me will decide about it! You can\u2019t hold me imprisoned against my will all my life! I have right to\u2026\u201d, he broke off for the lack of breath, and Ben did not let him finish. \u201cChild, what are you saying? All your life? You will see after the operation,\u00a0 YOU WILL SEE, do you hear me, boy?\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam shook his head in obvious pain. \u201cI\u2019m not a child to be confided to my room,\u201d he said with heart-tearing sadness. \u201cYou won\u2019t keep me there.\u201d His thoughts were obviously somewhere else, as Ben observed.<\/p>\n
\u201cSon,\u201d he took Adam by the arms again, \u201cwhat did the doctor tell you about the operation?\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam managed to calm down already, at least superficially. \u201cIt is risky, and it does not give full guarantee. As usually. Maybe you are right, maybe I should not wait longer. Just\u2026 let me decide by myself. I\u2019m not a child anymore, don\u2019t treat me so.\u201d<\/p>\n
Ben watched his self-control with amazement and a distinct fear, and this cool – logical thinking filled the father\u2019s heart with sudden concern and pain of having let him down in some way. \u201cHave you ever been one?,\u201d he asked bitterly. Joe looked at him in amazement – Adam\u2019s difficult childhood was something rarely spoken about, and especially Joe was little acquainted with what his eldest brother had been through before there came rich times on the Ponderosa. Ben sighed, looking at them both. \u201cYes, I shouldn\u2019t have forced your maturity.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBut, Pa\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI just did not realise you would become irrevocably an adult long before I was ready to deal well with small children.\u201d Ben seemed to be speaking to himself rather than to Adam.<\/p>\n
\u201cPa, don\u2019t start with it again,\u201d Adam cut in sharply. \u201cI\u2019ll stay in my room if you wish, just stop getting on my nerves. Let\u2019s go home.\u201d<\/p>\n
Afraid of feelings again, Ben thought.<\/p>\n
Why can\u2019t he stop hurting me like that?, thought Adam.<\/p>\n
I don\u2019t like any of them in this strange mood, thought Joe. Could somebody tell me what is going on? Sure they won\u2019t.<\/p>\n
***<\/p>\n
\u201c\u2026 blind as a bat\u2026 let\u2019s call a spade a spade\u2026 I\u2019m crippled\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201c\u2026 it\u2019ll go over, son\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHardly so.\u201d<\/p>\n
It hurt Ben to remember this.<\/p>\n
\u201cWill he be all right?\u201d, he pleaded.<\/p>\n
The doctor sighed, shrugging his shoulders. \u201cHe\u2019s obviously agitated, and he needs much rest. I was hoping the operation were more successful\u2026 but he\u2019s right, you can\u2019t deprive him of his own life, he has to learn to live with it with possibly little help. Confinement and constant guarding won\u2019t help matters, you can\u2019t keep him away from life. He has to face it; only time will say, how successfully. Try to keep him calm, and motivate him to work on himself. He\u2019s had already much success in orienting himself with the help of his hearing, I believe he can make it further if he wants to. But at this very moment, he needs to rest. I\u2019ll check on him tomorrow morning.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWill he \u2026\u00a0 EVER\u00a0 see again?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cMr Cartwright,\u201d the doctor was obviously uncertain. \u201cWe still know little about the human brain. However, personally I can give you little hope, if any. Avoid the subject in his presence, you\u2019ve seen how weak he is, too weak for the possible agitation. I\u2019ll call in tomorrow to see to him, maybe he\u2019s stronger then. I\u2026 have the feeling he was convinced of remaining blind despite the operation\u2026\u201d, he said with certain hesitation. \u201cBut then again, I may be wrong. Anyway, I\u2019ll be back tomorrow.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThank you, doctor.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI have my own life, you can\u2019t deprive me of it just because I\u2019m blind, I\u2019m not\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam broke off as his eyes rolled back suddenly and he fell unconscious onto the pillows.<\/p>\n
\u201cNow you did it!\u201d, the doctor searched for the pulse immediately. \u201cEverybody out, now!\u201d<\/p>\n
He sure got them scared\u2026<\/p>\n
Pa\u2026 could I talk to you for a moment?<\/p>\n
Adam stood behind the chair with a sheepish look. Ben rarely met with Adam opening himself, and apparently he had a problem to share – which he scarcely did. Aware of these\u00a0 facts, Ben finished his coffee and left the table without delay.<\/p>\n
\u201cYes, what is it, son?\u201d<\/p>\n
His father\u2019s eager reaction confused Adam further, but he gestured towards the settee.<\/p>\n
\u201cMaybe\u2026 you\u2019d like to sit down\u2026?\u201d<\/p>\n
Silence reigned for a while. Ben waited patiently until his son was ready to talk.<\/p>\n
\u201cPa\u2026 you said we\u2019d get a piece of land when we marry.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes, that\u2019s right, Adam.\u201d<\/p>\n
A sigh.<\/p>\n
\u201cWell\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAre you trying to tell me you are getting married soon?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo,\u201d Adam shifted on the settee. \u201cIt\u2019s actually the opposite. I don\u2019t see a woman\u2026 fit for a wife\u2026 well\u2026 I\u2019m not in love with any.\u201d He\u2019d never be, he felt. On the Mountain of the Dead even love would die. \u201cNevertheless, I\u2026 would like a piece of land for myself.\u201d<\/p>\n
So that was it!<\/p>\n
\u201cDid something happen? I haven\u2019t noticed anything out of the ordinary\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIt\u2019s not an abrupt decision,\u201d said Adam slowly. \u201cI thought I needed some independence; I\u2019d like to make decisions by myself, mistakes if necessary, but by myself. I know you treat me like a partner in business; however, this constant \u2018Yes, Pa\u2019, \u2018No, Pa\u2019\u2026 I mean, I love you, I respect your opinion, but you can\u2019t be the only point of reference all my life. I just feel\u2026\u201d, he searched for a word in vain.<\/p>\n
\u201c\u2026 subordinated,\u201d Ben offered.<\/p>\n
Adam sighed again. He found it thorny to discuss it in such detail; he was afraid he would hurt his father unintentionally with an incautious word.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m thirty, Pa. I\u2026 can\u2019t wait for marriage, I don\u2019t really know whether I ever marry or not. Whoever can say\u2026? I feel I need independence, however difficult it may turn out to be. It\u2019s like\u2026 prolonging\u2026 childhood\u2026 I mean listening to you like little children\u2026 not at my age, Pa.\u201d<\/p>\n
He sighed loudly, with pain.<\/p>\n
\u201cI don\u2019t think I\u2019m getting at what I mean,\u201d he stated with visible discomfort.<\/p>\n
Ben was aware his boys had become men some time ago, but no loving parent likes the children to move out, whether at\u00a0 twenty or thirty, or fifty. Neither Hoss nor Joe felt like leaving, but Adam was the eldest and he grew up long ago, far too long to remember it himself.<\/p>\n
Ben had always blamed himself for Adam\u2019s difficult childhood; however, only now did he realise certain facts. Adam spoke about \u2018prolonging childhood\u2019. He became an adult at\u2026 Ben found the earliest recollection of this mature look in Adam\u2019s eyes with a heartache. The boy was barely seven – maybe not even that – he lost his childhood with Inger\u2019s death. It hurt Ben to realise it. Adam\u2019s beloved mama, the only one he knew, fell dead in front of him, and his father\u2026 let him down, thought Ben with anger. Yes, he was engulfed in agony, but nothing justified Adam\u2019s share of pain, problems and responsibility. Adam had a chance of normal teenagehood after Marie appeared in their lives; he lost that chance soon enough, unable to use much of it due to his distrustful nature and the circumstances which had formed him in his\u2026 childhood days.<\/p>\n
Six years of childhood. Ben smiled bitterly.\u00a0 WHAT childhood? Ever-changing nurses, as long as Ben could afford it, then tiresome, lonesome, often hungry days of the long journey; this journey and the wagon became Adam\u2019s home for many years, and were his earliest recollections. Hardly somebody to play with, somebody to talk to, but a lonesome man who did not know what a small boy may need, and how to give it to him. And then – great responsibilities – little Hoss, building a house, the first winters, then little Little Joe, the sole responsibility for the ranch at some point, the college, the ranch again\u2026<\/p>\n
Adam shifted nervously again.<\/p>\n
\u201cI thought Joe and Hoss didn\u2019t need as much care now and they could help you\u2026 I won\u2019t be far, you know that.\u201d<\/p>\n
Joe and Hoss, and care, how else. Ben frowned at his obvious failure in leading his eldest child through life; no help, no, he just had to burden him with work and responsibility long before it should have happened.<\/p>\n
\u201cI do have my own life, Pa,\u201d Adam apparently misread his father\u2019s frown, trying again now to explain his standpoint calmly.<\/p>\n
How long did he wait for a chance to live his own life?, thought Ben, before he answered with a question.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhich piece of land do you choose, son?\u201d<\/p>\n
Happiness mixed with incredulity, Adam\u2019s eyes filled slowly with a light coming out of their dark depths, until there was only the light in them.<\/p>\n
\u201cThat is\u2026 it won\u2019t be a problem?\u201d<\/p>\n
He hated to be a problem for his father, he found too many of such around. He was indeed happy to have this one over, as he was not certain as to his father\u2019s reaction.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhich piece?\u201d, Ben stroke his son\u2019s hair with a broad smile. At last, he got some emotional reaction out of Adam. And what a one! Only his mother could look that way, not just delighted but delirious with happiness. He looked like an angel.<\/p>\n
\u201cThe toughest one, Pa,\u201d spoke the angel. \u201cLet me fight the land, it\u2019ll be the more my own.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAs you wish, son.\u201d<\/p>\n
They both felt so happy.<\/p>\n
And now the dream was over. No sight – no independence – no life\u2026<\/p>\n
\u201cPa,\u201d Hoss shook Ben\u2019s arm, voice concerned. \u201cYou\u2019re all right?\u201d<\/p>\n
He raised his eyes onto his younger sons. \u201cWe have to help him, boys\u2026\u201d His voice broke as he began to realise his eldest son would remain BLIND for the rest of his life, and he was so young, so young\u2026<\/p>\n
\u201cAdam will get through this,\u201d stated Joe with as much confidence as he could gather in the very moment. It seemed impossible for Adam to go blind; he still felt like the unshaken core of the family for Joe. \u201cHe always did. Everything will be fine, you\u2019ll see.\u201d<\/p>\n
They stood side by side, Hoss and Joe, the big and the little one, strong now for their father and brother, bent on helping them go through this trial, cost it what it may. They looked wonderful to Ben.<\/p>\n
Adam would never again see them so\u2026<\/p>\n
It hurt\u2026 the helplessness\u2026<\/p>\n
***<\/p>\n
For the hundredth time, Ben rearranged the pillows and put the quilt around Adam as he thought his son would find more comfortable.<\/p>\n
\u201cStop that,\u201d Adam hissed at last. \u201dStop making me comfortable all the time and stop crying over me. I\u2019m not dead, I\u2019ll get over it, do you hear me?\u201d He knew exactly what to do, and his father\u2019s presence was a considerable difficulty for the plan.<\/p>\n
He felt the harsh fingers soothe his face. Even those usually so yearned for caresses vexed him today. \u201cI\u2019m sleepy,\u201d he said. Oh, why couldn\u2019t he just go, go, go! \u201cYou can leave me alone now and catch some sleep yourself. I\u2019ll be all right,\u201d he put an extra emphasis on the last words.<\/p>\n
At last, he left. Hopefully, he\u2019d fall asleep soon.<\/p>\n
Ben was hurting as never before, but he saw that Adam needed to be alone. He should not irritate him, he knew that. Adam needed time to cope with the situation, and he was still confused after the operation, Ben saw the mist of stupor in his eyes.<\/p>\n
He avoided meeting his other sons, just waved an \u2018all right\u2019 to them and, after a second thought, pointed at Adam\u2019s door and put a finger to his lips. They understood and seemed to relax a bit.<\/p>\n
***<\/p>\n
The night was cold. He was certain it WAS night. Everybody went to sleep, to his relief, and nobody noticed him leave.<\/p>\n
The one stupid thing was that he had not taken any food with him. Hop Sing was not there, much to Hoss\u2019 displeasure, visiting some friends or relatives, nevertheless he would have made too much noise and lost too much time. But otherwise he was prepared for a longer trip; he took the jacket, the colt and the rifle; he also took the best horse; Jupiter could be naughty but he was faithful and he knew when his rider was not able to control his vagaries. The horse was as black as night and as vicious as a daemon; Adam found it pure pleasure to ride him. Even now.<\/p>\n
He trusted the horse to choose a good route to some lonesome place where he could learn everything anew. It appeared completely logical to him that he should take some time to cope with life in darkness, and then he would come back home to find his piece of land to live on. He just had to take his time, and everything would be fine. Just fine. Completely all right.<\/p>\n
\u2026<\/p>\n
He cursed himself quietly. He was afraid to pull Jupiter to a stop, firstly not to shy him, then not to stop in any dangerous place – if the horse would obey, of course. The quick ride somehow resulted in\u2026 sleep, and it was by a miracle only that he managed to stay on while Jupiter galloped wildly – or so it seemed – how come he did not fall off the horse? He would think later. Now he had to find out where he actually was and where he headed for. It was the stupidest thing to wander off into the night without food, without help, and blind! It seemed so simple until the medications wore off\u2026<\/p>\n
He was positive Jupiter was tacking amidst some rocks. How far might they have gone? The sound of hooves was so quiet – there must have been some earth or even grass. Jupiter had to be dead tired, just as Adam was, and in no hurry any longer; he was careful, instead.<\/p>\n
But what was there, in front of them, just lower?\u2026 Adam felt an urging need to find out what it was, despite any dangers or difficulties. None counted.<\/p>\n
He never really knew how he had made it there in such silence – maybe his acute hearing – no horse, of course – then he lay down and came nearer, until he reached the shadowed foot of the rock.<\/p>\n
He tried to breath deeply though quietly, but what there was took his breath away\u2026<\/p>\n
***<\/p>\n
\u201cCould I just give him some strength of mine\u2026\u201d, Hoss sighed in pain. \u201cJust look at my hands, they\u2019re so strong\u2026 and I can\u2019t help him!\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWe have to be strong for both of them,\u201d said Joe quietly, but strongly. \u201cFor Adam and Pa. We\u2019ll help them; remember how many times they helped us? If we hold together, we\u2019ll survive everything, so says Adam and so says Pa. Right?\u201d<\/p>\n
Hoss sighed again, though lighter. \u201cRight.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBesides, Adam can\u2019t go blind just like that. We\u2019ll talk to the doctor again and see\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cShhhhhhhh,\u201d Ben hissed, half-opening the door. \u201cRemember Adam\u2019s asleep. Don\u2019t wake him. And you should be both sleeping, too.\u201d<\/p>\n
He was on his way to Adam\u2019s room, as he could not fall asleep again without checking on him. His younger boys were greatly concerned, too, he was aware of that, but you never hurt as much as when you hurt for your child.<\/p>\n
The door flung open.<\/p>\n
\u201cAdam\u2019s not there!\u201d<\/p>\n
Hoss and Joe astonished. After a moment of bewilderment they reacted simultaneously, \u201cWhat!?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThe bed is empty, and he is nowhere in the house,\u201d Ben was ashen-pale. \u201cWe must look for him, he won\u2019t manage blind. Hurry, his bed is completely cold by now!\u201d<\/p>\n
He thought he could not fear more. Hoss\u2019 calling proved him wrong.<\/p>\n
\u201cJupiter\u2019s gone! Somebody let him out purposely, he couldn\u2019t get out by himself.\u201d<\/p>\n
Ben almost collapsed with the thought. \u201cIf Adam rode him\u2026 this horse is a devil, it may kill him!\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHe wouldn\u2019t have gone, he\u2019s too reasonable,\u201d Joe paled, however. \u201cNot Adam, Pa, tell me he wouldn\u2019t.\u201d<\/p>\n
The sudden realisation struck Ben. Adam\u2019s irritation, he send him to bed, wanted to be alone, and the stupor in his eyes\u2026 \u201cAdam was under medications, boys,\u201d he said in a somewhat shaking voice. \u201cHe might well not have been able to think reasonably.\u201d He moaned suddenly. \u201cRemember what the doctor said? that Adam never believed he\u2019d get well\u2026 we have to find him, boys, search for the tracks, and hurry!<\/p>\n
***<\/p>\n
The grass, the sky, and the loveliest blue eyes on earth – that was the memory from the Mountain of the Dead. He could save her once from the Shoshones, but she then had to care for him, and he was not able to fight them again. He lost her.<\/p>\n
Adam could not believe it. She sat by the fire, as beautiful as ever, a subtlest shadow of melancholy on her cheeks – alive. She was alive. The pestilence must have spared her.<\/p>\n
Now, she had to be the more a goddess to the Indians. They\u2019d spare her, too.<\/p>\n
It was all like a dream. The flicker of light in the distance, then he saw – HE SAW – the fire and her; hope flickered through incredulity, and he stayed to relish every detail of her.<\/p>\n
There in the shadow was a warrior.<\/p>\n
With dawn, the Indian approached the woman.<\/p>\n
\u201cThe medicine-man is waiting for the White Buffalo Woman to come to his tent.\u201d<\/p>\n
She seemed desperate to Adam. As she did not stand up, the Indian stepped nearer, his back turned partly to Adam. \u201cCome, now.\u201d<\/p>\n
He collapsed without a single sound. Hopefully, he\u2019d ascribe the incident to her godlike powers alone.<\/p>\n
The world was spinning around wildly, drowning in the hypnotising vortex of her eyes. The spreading warmth of their bodies was by no means unpleasant. Her nearness was all he desired, he drank it thirstily, satiate with her presence, her being so close to him, her want to be so close\u2026<\/p>\n
Everything in one breath and look.<\/p>\n
He woke up forcibly from the enchantment. \u201cCome,\u201d he pulled her closer to him, heading for where Jupiter stood.<\/p>\n
\u201cNice you asked me to take what I need,\u201d she whispered to him, raising her head with a smile. He stopped as the reasoning struck him. \u201cWell, er\u2026 how quick can you get it?\u201d<\/p>\n
She made a considerable effort not to laugh aloud. \u201cIn no time,\u201d she answered. \u201cI need nothing, it was just a thought as you were in such a hurry. I\u2026 wanted to make sure you\u2019re real.\u201d<\/p>\n
He took a short moment to think. \u201cOh.\u201d<\/p>\n
The air of familiarity between Adam and Ruth seemed to calm Jupiter down again. \u201cEasy, bad boy,\u201d Adam patted his neck. \u201cShe\u2019s coming with us.\u201d<\/p>\n
Somehow in the hurry they had simply come back to their former relationship, as though it had never been broken off per force.<\/p>\n
***<\/p>\n
As Buck came back to them, Hoss and Joe began to worry mightily. Not only Adam was missing now, they had to find their father as well, he would not let his horse go off like that. At least they knew where to look; so good they always told each other exactly where they\u2019d search\u2026<\/p>\n
Ben woke up – or was it a dream? – the splitting pain in the leg – soothing mellow voice – familiar eyes full of dark concern – where could he have seen Adam\u2019s face bathed in sweat trickling down his face and neck, so concerned and so concentrated as it appeared before his eyes? he had heard people dream of what they have seen once\u2026 his son was now somewhere far, alone and helpless, condemned to darkness for his whole life. Ben wanted to have his son near him, to hold him tightly as he had not done for so many, many years\u2026 When did he recently hug Adam to calm down his fears? When did he ever get through the thick, cold, cynical walls? Feelings were Adam\u2019s weakness, they made him to a helpless child in Ben\u2019s paternal eyes, as much as Adam hated to admit it, more helpless and defendless than any of his younger brothers had ever been. He just could not handle them, so he strangled this weakness as well as he could, but he would never possibly manage to deal alone with blindness. \u2018I have to find him,\u2019 Ben promised to himself in a futile attempt to escape the silent darkness overpowering him again.<\/p>\n
\u201cHe\u2019s unconscious again,\u201d stated Ruth shortly. Adam breathed a shaky sigh, sitting back on his heels; he trusted Ruth to have set the leg properly, but he would rather Ben were unconscious all the time, instead of having to watch him in pain while he pulled at the broken leg. \u201cI hate hurting any of them,\u201d the slowly uttered words were hoarse and tense with strangled relief. \u201cBut sometimes I know there is no other way. Are you really sure we set his leg properly? I hope it won\u2019t hurt him that much now\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cShhhhhhh\u2026,\u201d Ruth used the remnants of his shirt to wipe his face. \u2018Everything will be all right. I know it was a tough work, but he\u2019ll be better now. I know what I am saying,\u201d she forestalled his words of concern. \u201dNow, are you sure you want to spend the coming night without your jacket? I guess your father won\u2019t be cold under the blanket.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat? Oh,\u201d he took his jacket absent-mindedly. \u201cI guess I need some rest. Do you think the Indians will get us here?\u201d, he slipped his arm in the sleeve, alert and thoughtful again, although visibly tired and very pale. She could see he was unwell and weakened; he drank thirstily, as the last thing he\u2019d had in his mouth was some medicine he\u2019d got the previous evening.<\/p>\n
\u201cWe need a stop anyway,\u201d she scanned the place. \u201cIt\u2019s not their territory anymore, and the horse must rest\u2026 try to catch some sleep meanwhile, and give me your gun. Then we\u2019ll change roles, all right?\u201d<\/p>\n
He scrutinised his father, thinking, then nodded. \u201cWhatever you say. Supposedly, I won\u2019t have any good ideas without some sleep. Wake me up should you feel tired.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cSurely.\u201d She nested safely between his legs and against his heavily heaving chest, his rifle secure in her hands, her body secure in his arms. \u201cNow sleep.\u201d<\/p>\n
***<\/p>\n
Ben looked helplessly at Adam, so did Joe and Hoss, as the eye-specialist untied the bandages around Adam\u2019s head, some time after the operation.<\/p>\n
\u201cDo you see anything, my boy?\u201d<\/p>\n
The \u2018boy\u2019 was obviously a full-grown man who had gone through much in his life, thought the doctor, but he still couldn\u2019t help the old habit.<\/p>\n
Adam blinked several times, squinting, his gaze still, concentrated, but nevertheless… empty.<\/p>\n
\u201cNo,\u201d he said at last. \u201cNot a thing.\u201d<\/p>\n
He heard pain-filled sighs from his family. Hoss sniffed loudly, clenching his fists. Joe felt himself do the same, tears blinding him.<\/p>\n
After a short examination, the doctor straightened slowly.<\/p>\n
\u201cNot a thing?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNot a thing,\u201d confirmed the patient. He heard Ben move, and sensed the intensity of his pain. \u201cI\u2019m sorry, Pa.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cOh, Adam, maybe it\u2019s just too early?\u201d, Ben suggested, unable to convey hope rather than frustration in his voice.<\/p>\n
\u201cFace it, Pa, I\u2019m blind as a bat, and nothing can change that. I\u2019m sorry.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAdam!\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cLet\u2019s call a spade a spade,\u201d Adam shrugged his shoulders. \u201cI\u2019m crippled, if you want it straight out.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAdam, maybe it\u2019ll go over, son…\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHardly so.\u201d Adam steadied himself with the effort of sitting up. \u201cI want to go out on the air now.\u201d<\/p>\n
Ben woke up forcibly from his despair and demanded, \u201cNot without help.\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam\u2019s face froze into a mask. \u201cThen I will go nowhere. Leave me alone.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cSon, I can\u2019t leave you in such condition!\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam\u2019s jaw clenched almost instinctively. \u201cEither I go out by myself, or you leave me all by myself. I know what I want, and I\u2019m not a child to be looked after all the time.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo way,\u201d Ben frowned. Normally, at this point Adam would consider carefully whether to go on, but it was not a normal situation, and Adam COULD be as firm as a rock. More so – he might have been the stubbornest in the family.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m thirty, Pa.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWe\u2019ll stay with you until you calm down,\u201d Ben was not the one to give in, for Adam\u2019s sake. Now, Adam frowned, and his eyes flickered with a distinct threat.<\/p>\n
\u201cI demand of you to go and leave me alone.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHe grew agitated,\u201d the doctor warned Ben. \u201cHe\u2019s gone through an operation, please remember that.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI won\u2019t leave him alone,\u201d Ben claimed. \u201cIf he\u2019s better tomorrow, I\u2019ll allow Hoss to carry him downstairs…\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI have my own life,\u201d hissed Adam. \u201cYou can\u2019t deprive me of it just because I\u2019m blind, I\u2019m not…\u201d<\/p>\n
His eyes rolled back suddenly and he fell unconscious onto the pillows.<\/p>\n
\u201cNow you did it!\u201d, the doctor searched for the pulse immediately. \u201cEverybody out, now!\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam couldn\u2019t help a sigh, rethinking what had happened. As much as he was able to remember… He snuggled his nose back into Ruth\u2019s golden hair and dozed again.<\/p>\n
Ben woke up with the urging need to search for Adam. He felt weak, however, it was difficult even to move his head and focus on anything. Had it not been for the slight movement, he would have never made out the large shadow next to him in the darkness. With some effort, he made out the faint gleam of a rifle in-between four pale stains of hands. There had to be two people. Maybe they\u2019d help him seek Adam?, he tried to raise his head and call them with all his might. His head did not move an inch but the faint whisper seemed to have evoked some reaction. One of the two raised the head and whispered – audibly a man – \u201cRuth?\u201d The second shadow shifted and Ben saw a woman\u2019s face in a blonde frame of hair. \u201cDon\u2019t worry, I\u2019m not asleep,\u201d the woman answered quietly, her voice soothing. \u201cYou can still rest, I\u2019ll see to him meanwhile.\u201d By the movements Ben guessed she had been resting against the man, who had wrapped his arms and legs around her.<\/p>\n
She bent over Ben. \u201cWhy, hello there,\u201d her soft voice welcomed Ben.\u201d You must be thirsty.\u201d<\/p>\n
The man handed her a canteen. \u201cHe woke up?\u201d, the dark eyes glittered next to her blue ones. \u201cThank God, I was worrying already.\u201d He put his jacket around her gently and lifted Ben\u2019s head. \u201cDrink, Pa.\u201d<\/p>\n
Ben\u2019s lips moved soundlessly and two tears rolled down his cheeks.<\/p>\n
\u201cDon\u2019t talk. Everything\u2019s all right,\u201d Adam caressed his face soothingly. \u201cI\u2019m sorry I have nothing against the pain, but we\u2019ll get you to a doctor soon and you\u2019ll get all the help you need.\u201d<\/p>\n
Yes. The vision was not a dream but reality. Adam was there. He was safe and sound – HE COULD SEE; his eyes focused effortlessly and accurately, having lost the former terrifying stillness. Who was the woman?, wondered Ben, closing his eyes unwillingly. Adam was not eager to allow a woman so close to him; many women would feel ashamed to some degree by his boldly naked chest. Where did he leave his shirt? He\u2019d get cold…<\/p>\n
***<\/p>\n
\u201cWell, I\u2019ll find you no more tracks but these,\u201d Hoss firmly, leaving his usual gentleness aside. \u201cIf there were Indians, they\u2019d have to jump from tree to tree.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIt was just a thought,\u201d mumbled Joe angrily, and his eyes gleamed threateningly. \u201cI\u2019d never go back and leave Pa, you know that.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYeah, I know, little brother, I\u2019m just worried,\u201d Hoss sighed, looking at Buck. The horse must have lost his rider somewhere around here, but when? And where was their father by now?<\/p>\n
Ben had just woken up. The day was breaking, and the first sunrays ran playfully across his cheeks. Both Adam and Ruth seemed to have fallen asleep, nestled comfortably in each other, his legs wrapped around hers in a simple, natural gesture of closeness and safety of friendship. They had only one jacket to cover themselves with but somehow managed to keep warm. And the aloof, distrustful Adam let her rest on his bare chest like a tired child, like a beloved sister…<\/p>\n
\u201cHorses,\u201d Ruth raised her head from Adam\u2019s arm. He shifted and pulled both his rifle and her closer, stiffening with tension. \u201cTwo, as it seems,\u201d he lowered his voice, after listening closely for a moment. \u201cI\u2019ll go and see, stay here and keep quiet, both of you.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHow dare you use that tone talking to your father, young man,\u201d whispered Ben in mock indignation, trying to lighten the mood, also listening. Ruth found the best grip on her knife and scrutinised Adam with a steely glint in her eyes. \u201cBe careful.\u201d<\/p>\n
He answered with the same steely look in his eyes, darkened either from sleep or tension, and made his way to where the sounds came from.<\/p>\n
\u201cI say you stay and I go,\u201d Hoss rested his big hands on his hips and leaned over his little brother like a huge mountain bear. \u201cNow, don\u2019t quarrel with me, the Shoshones may be somewhere near.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI won\u2019t quarrel, if you let me go there,\u201d Joe\u2019s eyes flickered dangerously. \u201cI\u2019m lighter than you are, and I\u2019ll get there more easily…\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThere is a very easy way up here,\u201d on the rocks, the dangerous gleam of the rifle lowered itself together with the gun\u2019s barrel. \u201cOne could shoot your heads off and you wouldn\u2019t even notice.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAd…\u201d, Joe\u2019s eyes were as big and round as saucers; Hoss only gaped at his eldest… missing brother in astonishment. It was a shock to see him safe and sound, and well able to see, apparently. Adam twisted his lips in an imitation of a smile.<\/p>\n
\u201cPa broke his leg, we have to get him home,\u201d he informed them briefly. \u201cHere,\u201d he pointed with his rifle, \u201cyou\u2019ll find a more comfortable way. Just hurry.\u201d<\/p>\n
Winged with joy, they followed him to a small hollow which gave optimal protection for three or four people. Adam gestured to Ben. \u201cHelp me get him home, we have only one horse.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cEr…\u201d, Hoss scratched his head, then shrugged his shoulders. \u201cYou\u2019re the boss. Glad you can see after all. Fooled us nicely,\u201d he frowned, though hid not his happiness at Adam\u2019s recovery. \u201cYou\u2019re… sure you see well?\u201d, he made sure, pulling him into a quick hug.<\/p>\n
\u201cYep\u201d, Adam calmly set his neck free from Joe\u2019s euphoric hold. \u201cPa was right, it was a matter of time after all. Watch for the Shoshones,\u201d he warned them. \u201cI wouldn\u2019t like to wait for them too much. Thank you, Ruth.\u201d<\/p>\n
She was ready, as always, handing the horse\u2019s reins to him. A scrutinising look at his two brothers, then she turned to Ben for a moment. \u201cWe\u2019ll need a travois. Can you do it?\u201d, her eyes rested on Hoss and Joe again.<\/p>\n
\u201cSure do, miss,\u201d Hoss was already taking the blanket.<\/p>\n
\u201cGood,\u201d she kneeled by Ben. \u201cAdam, help me here.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cShe\u2019s sure bossing around, ain\u2019t she?\u201d, murmured Joe to his eldest brother.<\/p>\n
\u201cShe IS NOT,\u201d Adam kneeled beside her. \u201cYes?\u201d<\/p>\n
Ben was aware he\u2019d broken his leg. He was also conscious of what was happening around him. It was obvious that Adam had set his leg; she was physically too weak for that. Ben faintly recalled some fragments of the pain-filled dream; anxious voices – Adam\u2019s voice for sure – then he had thought delirium overcame him – steely concentration on Adam\u2019s face – he did not wince once – not that Ben saw; And the woman beside him, just as she was now, strong, cool, concentrated, seemingly emotionless.<\/p>\n
He accepted gladly some water, realising at last what was wrong in the whole picture; not that Adam was so close with the woman, no, they may have well fallen in love at some point; besides, Adam was mature – but he behaved… unnaturally. Despite the apparent coolness, emotionlessness, his eyes were filled with tension, and every time he looked at the woman – Ruth – the tension mixed with anxiety. Who was she? and why did she look in the same way at Adam? He should be happier to see his brothers, to be coming home… he was so frighteningly tense and cold.<\/p>\n
\u201cNow, I stay back,\u201d Joe claimed, \u201cand…\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWe\u2019ll stay back,\u201d Ruth threw a glance at Adam; he patiently waited for her to finish. \u201cIf Adam holds me up on the horse, I can effortlessly watch our back over his arm with a rifle.\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam nodded calmly. \u201cJoe, you lead Buck; Hoss, watch over Pa; when we\u2019re safer, one of you gets the doctor. Get going.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhy are you actually the one to give orders?\u201d, Joe did not like the idea of being bossed around. It was not Adam who came to rescue here.<\/p>\n
\u201cBecause.\u201d Through Adam\u2019s eyes there flashed a lightning. Seeing a thunderstorm coming, and conscious of the possible dangers around, Joe unexpectedly shut up, and, what should have evoked a heavy shock, he obeyed. Hoss shook his head in astonishment, but kept his comments to himself. He was not sure what was actually going on with Adam, but the plan was good, and the time passing too quickly to wonder.<\/p>\n
***<\/p>\n
Adam looked down at Ben, who had just been administered a painkiller by Paul Martin. \u201cPa, before you go to sleep, I\u2019d like you to know I\u2019m going to marry Ruth.\u201d<\/p>\n
His father looked at him in surprise at such outright statement out of the blue. \u201cWhen?\u201d, he asked at last. Adam shrugged his shoulders indifferently.<\/p>\n
\u201cTomorrow, if it goes,\u201d he said calmly. \u201cThe soonest, anyway.\u201d<\/p>\n
Her satisfied smile kept Ben from asking her opinion.<\/p>\n
\u201cSee, it was Ruth whom I met on the Mountain of the Dead some two years ago, and whom i thought I had lost when the Shoshones…\u201d, Adam shrugged his shoulders again, this time with sudden irritation. \u201cWell, we were engaged anyway.\u201d<\/p>\n
Ben understood. He remembered Adam\u2019s pain when they found him in the camp, up on the mountain, disoriented and terrified with her absence. Any search would have put her in danger, so they took him home, to heal his leg and head, and heart. He fell ill instantly; high fever almost took him, thrashing on the bed and calling for \u201cRuth\u201d. Since then, he seemed to have lost interest in any woman – any OTHER woman.<\/p>\n
\u201cGod bless you, children,\u201d Ben squeezed Adam\u2019s hand. \u201cJust wait until I get well enough to enjoy the wedding party,\u201d he smiled.<\/p>\n
Adam met Ruth\u2019s gaze. \u201cNo party, Pa,\u201d he asked seriously. \u201cWe just want to marry. We\u2019ve waited two years, that\u2019s long enough. They won\u2019t part us as easily if we marry.\u201d<\/p>\n
Ben gave up asking who \u2018they\u2019 were. Adam was too steady to be persuaded out of it, so there was no point in a discussion.<\/p>\n
\u201cThen let it be so. But I still want to be there, so wait until I can get downstairs to watch the ceremony. If need be, I will personally ask the Reverend to marry you here, at home.\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam nodded solemnly. \u201cThank you.\u201d Ruth followed his gesture as solemnly, \u201cFather…\u201d Ben smiled at them, deeply moved, and closed his eyes, unable to fight the fatigue and the need to sleep anymore.<\/p>\n
***<\/p>\n
She leaned towards him, drowning in his gaze. The way to his lips seemed eternal. They were so… close…<\/p>\n
Suddenly, the shrubbery rustled – The frightening sight! – Shoshones! –\u00a0 He was in danger, they\u2019d kill him!…<\/p>\n
She opened her eyes widely, heart thudding with horror. Then – she felt a sweet, subtle pressure on her lips – looked up – oh…<\/p>\n
Adam gave her a look of \u201csorry, couldn\u2019t help it\u201d and whispered, \u201cI guess I got sleep enough.\u201d He took her face in, noticing the look of fading anxiety. \u201cNo more Shoshones, dear,\u201d he promised soothingly. Oh, it was their first night in their own house, and they were already married for some time, and alone at last. \u201cNow,\u201d he changed the subject suddenly, \u201cdid I tell you you felt like a flicker of light in the darkness around?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIs the light still flickering?\u201d She was grateful to him for every word of concern; he knew her anxieties and wants so well, and she believed she knew his…<\/p>\n
He sighed deeply.<\/p>\n
\u201cNo,\u201d he stated. He watched her closely. \u201cIt burns.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHot,\u201d she answered.<\/p>\n
He kissed her hair.<\/p>\n
\u201cI was always lacking something, more and more,\u201d he admitted in a whisper.<\/p>\n
\u201cAnd…?\u201d, she sensed well his uncertainty and his need to share his thoughts.<\/p>\n
\u201cRuth… I want a baby.\u201d<\/p>\n
He seemed slightly embarrassed to ask. \u201cI never asked a woman that,\u201d he whispered, shifting gently, carefully.<\/p>\n
She welcomed him with a whisper, \u201cYou\u2019re asking just fine.\u201d<\/p>\n
THE END<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Story Summary: Adam is blind, and he finds an unusual way to cope with it. Then things take an unexpected turn…
\nRating:\u00a0 Teen\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0Word Count:\u00a0 7,675<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":12436,"featured_media":41001,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"template-full-width-post.php","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_members_access_role":[],"_members_access_error":""},"categories":[1005,23,3],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-40944","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-adam-cartwright","category-drama","category-romance","wpcat-1005-id","wpcat-23-id","wpcat-3-id"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/Preserving-Their-Legacy.png?fit=732%2C477&ssl=1","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/40944","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/12436"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=40944"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/40944\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/41001"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=40944"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=40944"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=40944"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}