~~Shifting Sands~~<\/strong><\/p>\nAdam Cartwright nervously fingered the band on his black hat. The warm glow of oil lamps outlined Mrs. Arminger\u2019s slim form against the darkness of the porch. He had ridden long and hard to bring her news that he wished to tell no-one, less so an old friend.<\/p>\n
\u201cAdam?\u201d she prodded gently. \u201cWould you like to come in?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes, thank you.\u201d<\/p>\n
He stopped again in the small foyer of the ranch house. The home was warm and snug. Adam remembered laying the foundations, building that chimney. Tears pricked behind his eyes as he realized that his friend\u2019s laughter would never again ring against that solid wall of rock, so like the one at the Ponderosa. But where the great room at the Ponderosa soared, this ceiling was low and heavily beamed. Gil had wanted one tamed space against the vast reaches of the west. The ranching he couldn\u2019t do in Ohio had driven him from his home, but he missed the well laid-out towns with their squares, and the well-ordered society that he\u2019d left behind. His home would be a refuge against the wildness of the west. In the end it had not been much of a refuge, and no protection at all as that very wildness had killed him.<\/p>\n
Adam\u2019s mind went back to when he had met Gilbert Arminger. He’d visited the new neighbor to extend his family\u2019s welcome and found him struggling with the plans to the house. With his quick tongue and ready sense of humor, Gil had quickly roped Adam into helping him design and build the house. He talked incessantly about his wife, a former schoolteacher who had lost her first fianc\u00e9 to typhus. They had one child, a son who had stayed behind with his mother in Ohio while she tended to her ailing father. When Emily and Peter had arrived, Adam discovered that she had a lively and informed mind, well able to hold her own against Gil’s relatively untutored, but dry wit, and the three soon became good friends.<\/p>\n
\u201cEm, I…\u201d He stopped, uncertain, and unwilling to proceed.<\/p>\n
\u201cLet me take your coat, Adam, and I\u2019ll fix you a cup of coffee. Sit down by the fire. You look so cold.\u201d She took his hat and laid it on the hall table, and hung his coat in the wardrobe.<\/p>\n
He found himself standing before the fire, warming his hands as he listened to Emily getting the coffee together in the kitchen. \u201cDid Gil send you?\u201d she asked when she brought the tray in. \u201cHe was worried about rustlers again and he\u2019s been out on the range for days. He said something about riding your fence line \u2013 that he thought someone had cut it and was taking the cattle out that way.\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam put down his cup. \u201cHe was right. He found the rustlers.\u201d He got up abruptly and paced the room before sitting down next to Emily on the sofa. He gently took the coffee cup from her, and she looked at him, puzzled, as he took her hands in his. He gazed at the pretty face, with its little upturned nose and generous mouth. Grey eyes were framed by blond-tipped lashes, and her curly light brown hair was pulled back into a simple bun. He saw comprehension slowly dawn in her eyes and the color abruptly faded from her face.<\/p>\n
\u201cNo!\u201d she whispered and she wavered and closed her eyes against the sudden sick feeling that washed over her. She felt gentle hands draw her into an embrace and for a moment, while the dizziness lasted, let her mind think it was her husband\u2019s arms she rested in. She pushed against his chest as her head cleared and she slid her hands to his shoulders to give them a light squeeze of thanks. He winced under her touch and she drew back, startled, and wondered what she had done. As she lifted her hands from his shoulders she realized there was blood on her left hand. \u201cAdam, you\u2019re hurt!\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIt\u2019s just a scratch.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cTake that shirt off and let me see it.\u201d He looked like he would protest, but he shut his mouth as she gave him the same look he had often seen directed at her boys. She went to the kitchen and returned with a bowl of warm water and some clean cloths. He had taken off the black shirt, but still had on his white woolen undershirt. The shoulder was stained withenough blood that she knew it was more than a scratch, but it was not enough for her to be unduly concerned. \u201cThat too.\u201d<\/p>\n
He raised an eyebrow, but complied.<\/p>\n
There was a jagged tear in the wool knit and Emily thought it likely that Adam\u2019s shoulder had merely been creased by a bullet. She helped him pull the garment over his head and gasped at the bruises that were forming over his torso. \u201cYou should have never ridden out here like this, Adam,\u201d she scolded gently. \u201cDid you fall off your horse?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo,\u201d he said shortly. \u201cI got off of him fast, though, when the bullets started flying.\u201d She paled a little at the thought. Obviously Gil had not moved fast enough.<\/p>\n
Her fingers moved gently and nimbly over the wound, washing away the dried blood and exposing clean skin. She pulled a short jar of ointment out of her apron pocket and dabbed it on the wound. Adam\u2019s breath hissed between his teeth at the sudden sting.<\/p>\n
\u201cSorry, but I think the rest of you hurts more than that. No wonder you called it a scratch.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNothing broken, Em.\u201d He gasped again as her hands pressed on a particularly large bruise that graced his ribs. \u201cSomeone kicked you.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWell, I won that one. That someone is on his way to the Virginia City jail.\u201d<\/p>\n
She arranged the pillows against the arm of the couch and made to push him back to rest against them, but he resisted. \u201cWhat else are you not telling me about?\u201d She looked him over critically and moved around to look at his back. He had a large weal forming across the middle of his back. She shook her head and touched the injury lightly.<\/p>\n
\u201cGil does\u2014\u201d her eyes teared up a little. \u201cdid the same thing. Just be honest about where you hurt and I\u2019ll fix you up. That\u2019s worse than the gunshot wound. It couldn\u2019t have been a whip, it\u2019s too wide.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIt was a leather packing strap. It was quite a little operation they had going there.\u201d<\/p>\n
She bathed the long mark and reached for the jar of ointment. Adam gave her a pleading look, which she ignored as she proceeded to dress the wound. \u201cWhat\u2019s in that stuff?\u201d he complained. \u201cHop Sing\u2019s never stings that much.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWell, I\u2019m not Hop Sing, but it will work nonetheless.\u201d<\/p>\n
She disappeared into the kitchen and returned with bandages, which she wound around his chest and up over a pad she placed over the bullet wound. \u201cI don\u2019t think your back will scar, the wound isn\u2019t deep enough.\u201d<\/p>\n
He merely grunted as she pulled the end of the bandage tight around his ribs below the wound and pinned the end down.<\/p>\n
She left the room to throw the basin of bloody water out the back door and she returned to find Adam back on his feet talking to someone at the front door.<\/p>\n
It was Eddie Drake, their foreman, and she paused at the door to the kitchen to listen to the low-voiced conference. \u201c\u2014him in and lay him out in the bedroom,\u201d Adam was saying. She took a deep, shuddering breath and stepped forward.<\/p>\n
Adam heard her and turned. \u201cWait, Em. Let Eddie and Slim bring him in.\u201d<\/p>\n
Tears started to her eyes again and she shook her head against the sudden rush of emotion. She had been able to forget her pain for a few minutes while she tended to Adam\u2019s injuries, but now it was back in full force.<\/p>\n
Adam crossed to her and, putting an arm around her, guided her to the sofa. He jerked his head to indicate that Eddie and Slim should bring in Gil\u2019s body. He reached for his undershirt, but Emily forestalled him with a hand on his arm. \u201cDon\u2019t put that dirty thing back on; I\u2019ll get you one of Gil\u2019s.\u201d She ran to the bedroom before he could protest and he stiffly levered himself out of the sofa to go after her.<\/p>\n
His suspicions were correct. She was not just getting him a shirt. She had pulled off the counterpane and was laying a clean white sheet over the blankets. \u201cPlease, Adam, don\u2019t interfere. I must do this.\u201d She turned briefly from her preparations and indicated the dresser between the two front windows. \u201cThere are some warm shirts in the third drawer down. There are undershirts in the second, if you wish to wear one.\u201d<\/p>\n
He had an undershirt on, and was reaching for a soft white flannel shirt that resembled some of his own when Slim and Eddie entered, carrying their former employer. They laid Gil\u2019s well-wrapped body on the bed and Emily thanked them quietly. Slim watched impassively as Adam buttoned the shirt and rolled up the slightly too-short sleeves.<\/p>\n
Eddie made to untie the rope that was holding the tarp around Gil\u2019s body, but Adam shook his head and he stopped. \u201cI\u2019ll help Mrs. Arminger with that, thank you.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cOkay, Mr. Cartwright. Anything you be needing, we\u2019ll be out in the bunk house.\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam nodded and turned his attention to the silent woman by the bed. He didn\u2019t see Slim\u2019s frown as the hand left the room.<\/p>\n
Emily was starting to pull at the knots on the rope but Adam reached to stay her hands. \u201cLet me do that, Emily. I\u2019ll get him out of there. Is that water still warm on the stove?\u201d<\/p>\n
She nodded dumbly. \u201cYes, I suppose so.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAll right. You get ready what we\u2019ll need.\u201d<\/p>\n
She moved slowly to the door while Adam approached the bed.<\/p>\n
She returned with the same basin that she had used to tend to Adam\u2019s injuries, and had towels and washcloths over her arm. Gil was laid out, tarp and ropes gone, and he looked merely asleep to his wife. Adam took the basin from her quickly as her step faltered and he put it on the table next to the bed. She moved close to her husband\u2019s side and drew a quick breath when she saw the bullet holes in his shirt.<\/p>\n
Adam made as if to leave the room, but Emily spoke without looking up. \u201cDon\u2019t leave, Adam.\u201d She leaned over and stroked Gil\u2019s brow. He was cold, not warm to the touch as he\u2019d been the last time her hands had caressed his face. \u201cHe was just here, complaining about the cold and having to chase rustlers. He said he couldn\u2019t understand why they just didn\u2019t sign on as hands someplace. Rustlin\u2019 had to be as hard as honest work.\u201d Her next words caught on a sob and Adam came close up behind her and put his hands on her shoulders. \u201cHe worked so hard. What right had anyone to take the fruits of his labors?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo right, Em. Some people just want to take, to tear down what others have built.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWell, they\u2019ve taken everything from him now.\u201d Her voice broke on the last couple of words. \u201cExcept his dignity. No one is going to take that.\u201d She uncrossed Gil\u2019s arms and began to unbutton his shirt. Adam shifted uncomfortably. He had helped with laying out before, but never had he felt so awkwardly insinuated into someone else\u2019s business, into what he thought should remain between a husband and a wife.<\/p>\n
\u201cEm, one of the women from church could help–\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo, Adam, it\u2019s easier done now and I want to do this tonight, before the kids are awake in the morning. They\u2019ll be crawling all over the house and I won\u2019t have any peace.\u201d She turned to him. \u201cHe was your friend, Adam, and he would appreciate your help, rather than that of a mere acquaintance.\u201d<\/p>\n
They accomplished the task efficiently, speaking only when necessary. Adam left her alone with Gil while he made a fresh pot of coffee against the chill of the late autumn night.<\/p>\n
When she came into the kitchen her eyes were a little red, lids puffy with lack of sleep and laugh-lines erased in the numbness of exhausted grief. Adam laced her coffee with a generous dollop of whiskey. She pushed the cup away, grimacing at the taste, but he urged her to drink it. \u201cYou need to get some rest tonight.\u201d<\/p>\n
She stood instead and wandered around the kitchen, running her hand over the stove so expensively shipped from St. Jo., and the pots and pans she had so carefully packed for their travel west. The makings of a home, turning an empty shell into a place to grow a family. And they\u2019d had that family so briefly. A few short years of hard work and good reward. Two more sturdy sons, blond like their father, who followed his steps and mimicked his work in their play. Emily suddenly sank against the base of the hutch that ranged against the back wall of the kitchen.<\/p>\n
Adam moved quickly to her side and he stiffly lowered himself to the floor and took her in his arms. She cried in great gusting sobs that she muffled against his chest, fearful of waking the children.<\/p>\n
\u201cHe never knew, Adam,\u201d she managed at last. \u201c\u2014how much I didn\u2019t mind this place.\u201d She sniffed and he pressed his handkerchief into her hands. \u201cI think he wondered, sometimes, what he had done, but I love it here. I loved him.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHe knew, Em. He thought you might be lonely, but he knew you liked it here.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWe were so busy, I didn\u2019t have time to be lonely.\u201d She took a shaky breath. \u201cI don\u2019t know if I\u2019ll be able to stay here, Adam.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhy not?<\/p>\n
\u201cGil was turning into a pretty good rancher, but I don\u2019t think I know enough to really make a go of it.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou have a good foreman.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI know. Eddie was a great help to Gil. Without him we wouldn\u2019t have done as well as we have.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI think you could do it, Emily, but to be here alone, without any of your family…\u201d He patted her shoulder. \u201cMaybe it would be better if you moved back home.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cFather is gone, and my sisters are so spread out there is no \u2018home\u2019 to return to. I suppose I could choose to live near one of them, but Hope is in Philadelphia and Anna is in Washington and I don\u2019t like cities. And Jenny and her husband are talking about moving on to Oregon.\u201d<\/p>\n
She had calmed to the point where she felt uncomfortable caught up against Adam\u2019s side and she pushed a little at his ribs to start him moving, forgetting the damage that had been done to him earlier in the evening. He gasped at the unexpected stab of pain.<\/p>\n
\u201cOh, Adam, I\u2019m sorry.\u201d<\/p>\n
He had raised his knees to be able gather her close to him and he shifted away from her to roll awkwardly to his feet, his back protesting the treatment. She was left, legs folded under her, skirts puddled around her and crumpled, apron askew. She looked down at herself. \u201cI\u2019m a sight, I suppose.\u201d<\/p>\n
He smiled gently at her. \u201cYou look fine to me, but you\u2019re allowed to be \u2018a sight\u2019 tonight.\u201d He reached down and clasped her small hand in his. She arranged her skirts with her other hand, but as he pulled her to her feet she swayed and would have fallen except that he had a firm grip on her. He tipped her chin up, and seeing her pale, and eyes closed, he swung her into his arms and took her into the living room to lay her on the couch.<\/p>\n
She raised a hand to her brow and sighed.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou\u2019d best try to get some sleep, Emily.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIt\u2019s not lack of sleep, Adam. Would you get me a glass of water, please?\u201d<\/p>\n
He found a glass and returned to see her sitting up length-wise on the sofa. He perched on the edge and gave her the glass. She thanked him and took a sip but she was still so pale that he went to find a cloth to bathe her face with.<\/p>\n
\u201cHere, this might make you feel better.\u201d<\/p>\n
She gave him grateful look and pressed the cloth to her cheeks and forehead. She closed her eyes and lay back against the pillows that she had arranged for Adam hours before.<\/p>\n
He stared at her sadly and she raised her eyes to his face questioningly. \u201cDid Gil know?\u201d he asked quietly. Fresh tears started to her eyes. \u201cNot yet. I\u2019m just. I was going to tell him when he got home.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019ll have Slim go for Doc Martin in the morning,\u201d<\/p>\n
She shook her head. \u201cNo, I don\u2019t need him. I\u2019m fine.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI think he should check you out, make sure–\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIt\u2019s not necessary.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBut–\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAdam, there is nothing to worry about. I\u2019ve done this before.\u201d<\/p>\n
He smiled. \u201cI guess you do know what you\u2019re doing.\u201d<\/p>\n
She looked down at her lap and ran a hand over her stomach. \u201cIn that, at least.\u201d<\/p>\n
They sat quietly for a minute, each thinking of the future.<\/p>\n
\u201cHow did you find Gil?\u201d she asked finally.<\/p>\n
He looked up, surprised in the change of subject. \u201cHe found me. We had been talking last week about the rustlers and he\u2019d mentioned the possibility that the beeves were bein\u2019 taken out through Ponderosa land. I was riding the fence, looking for the same thing. He backtracked to me and we continued on together.\u201d<\/p>\n
She looked at him, curious but afraid, though the worst had already happened.<\/p>\n
\u201cHe was happy, Em. He figured he knew, and he was right, how those cattle were going.\u201d He hung his head. \u201cThey doubled<\/p>\n
back on us and started firing before we knew what was happening. I was hit first, and went down. They got Gil next. I don\u2019t think they meant to kill, \u2018cause they didn\u2019t check on us \u2013 they were trying to ride off when Eddie shot one of them.\u201d He bit his lip. \u201cGil made me promise, Em, to take care of you and make sure you didn\u2019t suffer because of his carelessness.\u201d He looked down at his hands. \u201cBut he wasn\u2019t careless. He was a good man. Careful. We couldn\u2019t see anymore in the dark, even with the moon as full as it was. Maybe Hoss could\u2019ve, but we missed, or I <\/em>missed the sign.\u201d<\/p>\n\u201cAdam, it wasn\u2019t your fault. It was those that pulled the trigger.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cMebbe.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou were doing your job. Gil knew the risks when he moved out here.\u201d She frowned. \u201cWhat happened to Slim and Eddie?\u201d \u201cThey hit the dirt pretty fast. Eddie got back on his horse and followed them as they tried to get away. Brave man, Eddie.\u201d Emily put a hand on his arm. \u201cAnd you stayed with Gil.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYeah, I stayed with Gil.\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam stared over the back of the couch into the foyer, but he was seeing Gil\u2019s face, jaw set against the pain in his chest, a light sheen of sweat against clammy skin, a froth of blood at his lips. That was something he would never share with Emily, but he could tell her Gil\u2019s words, little comfort though they\u2019d be.<\/p>\n
Emily squeezed his arm to bring him back. \u201cTell me, Adam,\u201d she whispered.<\/p>\n
\u201cHe…he said to tell you that he loved you. Made me promise to help you. He hoped you wouldn\u2019t give up, that you\u2019d stay and make a go of the ranch.\u201d Adam looked down at his hands and his voice shook as he said the next words. \u201cHe asked me to give each of the boys a hug and kiss from their papa.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAdam\u2014\u201c<\/p>\n
He raised his eyes to hers and she could see they were filled with tears. \u201cI\u2019m sorry, Em \u2013 there was nothing I could do. The wound was too bad. He knew it, but he was calm and he was thinkin\u2019 of you at the end.\u201d<\/p>\n
She put her hands over his and gave them a light caress. \u201cPlease tell me the rest, Adam, till you got back here.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHe passed out and I couldn\u2019t rouse him and a couple of minutes later he was gone. I…I had to leave him, Em. Eddie was taking pot shots at the rustlers and was calling after me for help \u2013 they had camped down in a draw and he couldn\u2019t get around them to drive them out. So I covered up Gil with my bedroll and turned around to see Hoss standing there.\u201d<\/p>\n
She looked up from where her hands lay on his. \u201cGo on,\u201d she said softly.<\/p>\n
\u201cHoss had been trailing behind me, come out to meet me, he said, after finishing his own work \u2013 he didn\u2019t want me to be out there alone with rustlers around. We got into their camp while Slim and Eddie kept them busy on the other side.\u201d He ran a hand over the back of his neck, trying to ease the tension that had built there. \u201cHoss took the two left alive back to town…\u201d He stopped, leaving the rest unsaid.<\/p>\n
\u201cThank you for telling me.\u201d She patted his hands. \u201cYou know those men would have shot Gil, anyway. Or Slim, or Eddie.\u201d \u201cI \u2018spose so.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAdam, I\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n
There was a light knock on the front door and it opened before Adam could get up from the couch.<\/p>\n
\u201cSorry, Mrs. Arminger, ta bother you, but the sheriff is here,\u201d said Eddie.<\/p>\n
Sheriff Coffee stepped into the foyer behind Eddie, followed by Hoss and Doctor Martin.<\/p>\n
A look of annoyance flitted across Emily\u2019s face at the sight of the doctor before she realized that Hoss had probably brought him for Adam.<\/p>\n
He matched her look for look and said under his breath at her small smile of relief: \u201cNow he can check you out too.\u201d He gave her hands one final pat and rose to greet the men.<\/p>\n
\u201cHowdy, Mizz Arminger,\u201d said the sheriff gently. \u201cI was sorry to hear about Gil. Have ta check things out.\u201d He looked at Adam and gave him a curt nod. \u201cAdam. I hear you got kinda banged up out there.\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam shot a glare at Hoss, but Hoss merely looked at his brother impassively, as if daring him to deny it.<\/p>\n
\u201cMrs. Arminger patched me up fine, thank you.\u201d<\/p>\n
Emily moved to get up from the couch. \u201cMay I get you gentlemen anything?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cStay there, Mrs. Arminger.\u201d Doctor Martin didn\u2019t like her paleness, so unlike her usual good color.<\/p>\n
\u201cThere\u2019s a fresh pot of coffee in the kitchen,\u201d interjected Adam, as Doctor Martin came around the couch and put his bag on the coffee table.<\/p>\n
\u201cLater, thanks, Adam,\u201d he said. \u201cI don\u2019t like your color, Emily.\u201d He looked at the others and they took the hint and went to examine Gil and take Adam\u2019s statement.<\/p>\n
\u201cAdam, those ribs are just bruised, not cracked. Do you want something for the pain?\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam shook his head and mutely put his clothes back on. He was as tired as he could ever remember being.<\/p>\n
\u201cWell, no whiskey and no brandy, then, in the evening \u2013 you have a lot of bruising starting to show on your back that I don\u2019t like. Did something fall on you?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou might say that,\u201d said Adam, grimacing, remembering the snap of the packing strap and his subsequent quick trip over the side of the rustlers\u2019 wagon. Landing out of reach of the strap had also meant landing on his back among some sharp rocks and he wished he had stepped the other way. Another blow from that strap couldn\u2019t have damaged him as badly as the fall had.<\/p>\n
He sighed and held out his hand. Doctor Martin looked at him sagaciously and gave him the medicine. \u201cJust twice a day.\u201d He pursed his lips. \u201cI could barely pry a word out of Mrs. Arminger, either. You two are a couple of clams tonight. Don\u2019t brood over this, Adam. I know Gil was a friend…\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBrood over Gil? No, I don\u2019t think I will. I\u2019m just tired and angry. I wish I could have done more.\u201d He looked at his old friend and sighed. \u201cThis just dredges up all my old frustrations with how brutal people can be over so little. So unnecessary.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThere are a lot of things that are \u2018unnecessary.\u2019 I want you to go home and get some sleep. And take it slow on the ride back.\u201d<\/p>\n
Hoss stared at Adam, wondering if his older brother was thinking the same thing. Another friend gone. Adam had been slow to recover from Ross’s death, but Hoss knew it was because Adam had felt guilty at not being able to save Delphine and that he’d actually had to kill his friend. “You’re not going to bring back Delphine by taking care of Emily.”<\/p>\n
\u201cI know,\u201d Adam said quietly.<\/p>\n
\u201cNo ya don’t. You got that look in your eye again, brother.\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam looked up wearily, wanting to tell Hoss, and himself, that he didn’t feel responsible this time, that there was nothing he could have done to change anything. He wasn’t entirely successful and he could see the answer in Hoss’s eyes.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou did the best you could, Adam.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWell, my \u2018best\u2019 never seems to be enough.\u201d He sighed. \u201cEmily tried to tell me the same thing. But I walked out alive, again. And Gil is dead.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBut you didn\u2019t kill him.\u201d Hoss tightened his jaw and swallowed. \u201cI mean\u2014\u201d \u201cI know.\u201d<\/p>\n
Hoss stood up to shift the logs in the fireplace and add a couple more. The two young men had decided to stay till morning. The Reverend and his lady would be by some time after ten, as was usual in these cases. Hoss frowned. They were right quick with the comfort, he thought; they’d better spend their time preventing the pain in the first place. He shook off his anger. Things were changing rapidly. Virginia City was growing, and the townships around it. He wondered how many more men would meet Gil Arminger\u2019s fate. There was little need to ride out armed and ready to enforce a private brand of justice as his family so often had in the past. Though the law made cold comfort when faced with an immediate threat. He shook his head. Time and chance were cruel masters.<\/p>\n
Adam stared into the fire. \u201cIt all happened so quickly. We were riding quietly — enough had been said when we met up… We all knew what we were doing was dangerous, but you never think…\u201d He rubbed his fingers over the bridge of his nose, a gesture Hoss knew too well. \u201cI should have told him to let Roy handle it. How many times have I told Pa that?\u201d<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\u201cMore \u2018an he’d care ta hear, I reckon.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYeah, well, I didn’t follow my own advice.\u201d Adam sank his head in his hand. \u201cAnd now Gil is dead.\u201d \u201cWhat did Doc Martin give you?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cJust something for the pain. Why?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cJest wonderin\u2019.\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam looked at his brother from under frowning brows. \u201cI\u2019m not about to drop off, if that’s what you mean.\u201d \u201cYep.\u201d Hoss looked at Adam measuringly. \u201cI suppose ya wouldn\u2019t take it amiss if I asked Mz. A for a blanket.\u201d \u201cNo — don\u2019t wake her.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cShe ain\u2019t asleep, Adam.\u201d<\/p>\n
Hoss returned from the back hall with a blanket, and, unknown to Adam, the sleeping draught that Doctor Martin had left for Emily. She seemed calm and accepting of her fate, and had readily given up the medicine for her friend. \u201cI\u2019ll sleep this afternoon, Hoss, once I have everything settled. I\u2019m thinking of practicalities right now and I wouldn’t have a restful sleep no matter what I took.\u201d Hoss wasn\u2019t too pleased with this, either, but he had often seen women rise to the occasion, and he thought Emily fully capable of handling the next twenty-four hours without the doctor\u2019s well-meaning interference.<\/p>\n
Adam, on the other hand, did not need to be awake, but was stubbornly clinging to a consciousness that was only prolonging self-doubt and useless guilt. Hoss had no compunction in handing him the drug-laced coffee.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat did you give me…\u201d was the most Adam could get out as Hoss lowered him against the pillows on the couch.<\/p>\n
Whispered voices brought Adam back to awareness.<\/p>\n
\u201cShhh!\u201d<\/p>\n
He dragged open his eyes. His mouth felt dry and his mind clouded and he wondered where he was. The voices belonged to children, but there were no children on the Ponderosa. He took in his surroundings and the events of the night before returned to him in a rush. He was still at the Armingers\u2019. Hoss had drugged him.<\/p>\n
\u201cHe\u2019s awake!\u201d<\/p>\n
There was a giggle and Adam noticed three little blond-haired imps peering at him over the back of the sofa. He couldn\u2019t help but smile at their antics.<\/p>\n
The oldest boy\u2019s anxiety at waking their guest melted away when he saw that Adam wasn\u2019t annoyed. \u201cGood morning, Mr. Cartwright,\u201d said Peter.<\/p>\n
\u201cMorning, boys. Where\u2019s your mother?\u201d \u201cShe\u2019s in the kitchen with Uncle Hoss.\u201d<\/p>\n
An eyebrow rose at this form of address, but anything Adam was about to say was cut off by a gasp of pain as he tried to sit up. He thought better of the motion and sank back against the pillows and closed his eyes. Peter saw the white around his lips and ran off to get Hoss.<\/p>\n
\u201cUncle Hoss, there\u2019s somethin\u2019 wrong with Adam. He tried to get up, but he couldn\u2019t.\u201d<\/p>\n
Hoss rushed to the other room to find Adam lying with the blanket pushed down to his waist, but otherwise unchanged from when he had checked on him ten minutes before. \u201cAdam?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHmm.\u201d Adam didn\u2019t bother opening his eyes. \u201cYou want some coffee?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThe same kind you gave me last night?\u201d<\/p>\n
Hoss put a hand on his brother\u2019s forehead but Adam batted it away irritably. \u201cI don\u2019t have a fever. Would you just help me up?\u201d<\/p>\n
Hoss frowned. Adam must be in quite a bit of pain if he would consider asking for help. \u201cYou just stay there. I\u2019m gonna get that medicine Doc left for ya.\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam opened his eyes and glared at Hoss. \u201cHoss, I need–\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI know what you need,\u201d he interrupted. \u201cBut you\u2019re gonna have that medicine first.\u201d<\/p>\n
The boys followed Hoss into the kitchen, chattering the whole way. \u201cYou boys stay here with your mama while I get Adam all squared away. He\u2019s as grumpy as an ol\u2019 bear before his coffee in the morning an\u2019 this morning is like ta be ten times as bad.\u201d<\/p>\n
The boys giggled. \u201cNo he\u2019s not, Hoss. He smiled at us,\u201d piped up little Samuel. \u201cYeah, well, he\u2019s just tryin\u2019 ta be polite as he\u2019s a guest in your house.\u201d<\/p>\n
Emily finished mixing the medicine into a glass of water and handed the concoction to Hoss.<\/p>\n
\u201cHe can have some coffee in a little bit, but he really ought to have some broth with that medicine. It\u2019ll keep his stomach from getting upset.\u201d<\/p>\n
Hoss grinned. \u201cI\u2019ll be sure to tell him, but that ain\u2019t gonna set well with him — he likes his breakfast, ma\u2019am.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019ll get him to drink some. He can have breakfast later. You get him up; I\u2019ll put some hot water in the bedroom you used this morning.\u201d<\/p>\n
Hoss shook his head and went off to prepare his brother for his fate.<\/p>\n
Adam was up and shaved, but was not interested in breakfast. He had waited too long to drink the cup of broth Emily brought him and was feeling decidedly queasy. Added to his misery was the pain his back which seemed to be intensifying, not easing, as he thought it would if he moved around. Hoss wanted to send Slim in to town for Doctor Martin and Adam was beginning to think it might be a good thing if he did.<\/p>\n
He stood next to the kitchen table, unable to bring himself to sit in one of the chairs.<\/p>\n
Emily turned from the stove to see him looking pale and uncertain. She\u2019d been going through the motions of making breakfast without really thinking about it and she felt like a fog lifted from her mind when she saw his face. \u201cAdam, are you all right?\u201d She crossed to his side and tried to guide him into the chair but he pulled away from her, his jaw set and sweat appearing on his upper lip.<\/p>\n
\u201cNo. I mean \u2014 I\u2019m not really hungry. I think I should just go home.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNot in that condition, you\u2019re not.\u201d She crossed to the door and looked into the living room to see Hoss strapping on his gun belt.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhere are you going?\u201d she asked.<\/p>\n
Hoss grimaced. \u201cI\u2019m gonna send Slim into town for Doc Martin, if that\u2019s all right with you, ma\u2019am. I don\u2019t rightly know what to do with Adam. He\u2019s hurtin\u2019 awful bad. I was gonna ask Eddie to ride over to the Ponderosa and tell my pa we\u2019ll need the buckboard, but I want the doc to look at him again before we try to take him home.\u201d<\/p>\n
Emily nodded. \u201cThat\u2019s probably a good idea.\u201d She frowned. \u201cI\u2019ll send Eddie in to town \u2013 I need him to ask Mr. Jeffers to come out, anyway.\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam stepped behind Emily and laid a hand gently on her shoulder. \u201cI don\u2019t need Doc Martin \u2013 just get the buckboard from the ranch, Hoss. Emily has things she needs to do.\u201d<\/p>\n
Emily turned to put an arm around Adam to draw him into the living room. \u201cYou can barely even walk, Adam. I\u2019m not going to have you try to leave in your condition. I can talk to Mr. Jeffers with you here. Gil didn\u2019t want anything elaborate.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBut the people coming through the house \u2013 and you need to rest–\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019ll rest later. Right now I\u2019m going to tell the men what to do and Hoss is going to get you back into bed.\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam\u2019s dignity might have been ruffled by the preceding half-hour, but he had to admit that he felt better tucked up in bed. The thought of wearing more of Gil\u2019s things disturbed him a little, but he felt cleaner and more comfortable than he had all morning. The muscles in his back were starting to relax under the hot towels that Emily had put over him and the lingering effects of the drug he had consumed the night before were lulling him back to sleep. He vaguely heard voices out in the living room but drifted off before he could place them.<\/p>\n
Emily didn\u2019t know what shocked Mrs. Jordan more \u2013 that Gil had died so suddenly and violently or that Adam Cartwright was sleeping in the back bedroom. She quelled her annoyance with the well-meaning woman and served coffee and scones under the baleful gaze of Adam\u2019s younger brother.<\/p>\n
Hoss had had just about enough of Mrs. Jordan and was impatiently awaiting his father\u2019s arrival. He didn\u2019t care how things looked \u2013 his brother was injured and he was staying put until the doctor said otherwise. He heard the sound of a vehicle being driven into the yard and leapt to his feet to see who it was. The doctor met him at the door, not his father, but it was a relief none-the-less to see a friendly face. Or what he thought would be a friendly face.<\/p>\n
\u201cI met Eddie on the road to town. I was going out to the Ponderosa to check on Adam. Why is he still here?\u201d The doctor paused for a moment while Hoss took his coat and hat and he saw the Reverend and Mrs. Jordan sitting on the couch. \u201cMornin\u2019 ma\u2019am, Reverend. Mrs. Arminger.\u201d Though obviously tired, Emily looked better than she had the night before. \u201cWhere is he?\u201d<\/p>\n
Emily rose from her chair and waved the reverend back to his seat. \u201cHe\u2019s in the back bedroom. I\u2019ll take you to him. Excuse us, Reverend, Mrs. Jordan.\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam was lying on his side, sleeping so peacefully that the doctor hated to wake him. Doctor Martin felt his forehead and then took his pulse. He drew back the covers and saw the towels laid across Adam\u2019s back. \u201cWas he having muscle spasms?\u201d he asked quietly. Hoss nodded. \u201cI was afraid of as much after seeing those bruises last night. Why is he sleeping so soundly?\u201d<\/p>\n
Hoss cleared his throat and looked uncomfortable. \u201cHe wouldn\u2019t settle last night. I gave him the stuff you left for Emily to help her sleep.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cOn top of what I gave him for the pain?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDid he have any of the pain medicine this morning?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cUh, yeah.\u201d Hoss\u2019s face screwed up in concern. \u201cI didn\u2019t hurt him none, did I?\u201d<\/p>\n
Doctor Martin grinned. \u201cNo, Hoss, you didn\u2019t hurt him, but Adam isn\u2019t going anywhere for a while. He\u2019ll probably sleep all day, off and on, I\u2019d figure. Most likely it\u2019s for the best. When he does wake up, I want you to make him move slowly, encourage him to stretch a little \u2013 but don\u2019t let him bend over too far. And don\u2019t let him sleep in one position for more than an hour. I\u2019ll come back to check on him tonight. If he seems agitated I might give him something additional to make him sleep. I don\u2019t want him on a horse right now, and I\u2019d prefer he not be jostled around in the back of a buckboard.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYessir.\u201d Hoss frowned. \u201cYou\u2019re a mind-reader, Doc, we sent Slim over to the ranch for the buckboard. Wouldn\u2019t he be better off at home? \u2013 Mizz Arminger\u2019s gonna have a lot of people comin\u2019 through the house today.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI don\u2019t think Adam will hear much in this room, set back here as it is.\u201d<\/p>\n
Emily looked at down at Adam. \u201cHe felt sick this morning from the pain medicine. What can he eat?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAnything appetizing. No coffee. Keep up the warm towels if the muscles are in spasm. I would recommend ice, but I don\u2019t think he\u2019s up to that yet. Tomorrow.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI need to talk to the Jordans, Doctor. Is there anything else?\u201d asked Emily.<\/p>\n
Doctor Martin looked Emily over critically. \u201cI want you to rest as soon as they leave. Hoss is right \u2013 soon you\u2019ll have a houseful. I imagine Ben will be here pretty quick now. Let him take care of Adam and Hoss can watch the boys for you. I want you to stay off your feet as much as possible.\u201d The doctor had his own suspicions about Emily\u2019s condition, but she remained evasive and uncooperative. He hoped she knew what she was doing.<\/p>\n
Emily gave him a knowing smile and promised to do her best.<\/p>\n
Doctor Martin merely snorted as he turned back to his patient. \u201cAll right, let\u2019s see what the rest of him looks like this morning.\u201d<\/p>\n
Emily scooted out of the room as the doctor started unbuttoning the nightshirt Adam was wearing.<\/p>\n
Adam groaned at the pain in his back. Someone was trying to turn him over and he didn\u2019t want to move. Movement meant pain and he just wanted to be left alone to sleep. He was so tired.<\/p>\n
Was that Pa\u2019s voice urging him to move?\u00a0 What was the matter?\u00a0 The last thing he remembered was\u2026 Emily.\u00a0 Mrs. Arminger.\u00a0 Hoss.\u00a0 Hot towels and blessed relief from a dreadful cramping in his back.\u00a0 Muted voicers and soft, clean sheets.<\/em><\/p>\n\u201cAdam!\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cMmm?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou have to turn over. The doc doesn\u2019t want you to stay in one position for too long.\u201d<\/p>\n
That was definitely his father\u2019s voice. Was he home again? Didn\u2019t seem like his bed. He rolled on to his back and opened his eyes to see his father watching him worriedly.<\/p>\n
\u201cPa?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes, I\u2019ve been here for a while, son.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhere\u2019s Em?\u201d Adam asked drowsily.<\/p>\n
\u201cShe\u2019s resting. Is there anything I can get you?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWater.\u201d He raised his hand to his head as he shifted against the pillows to sit up. \u201cWhat\u2019s the matter? Does your head hurt?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo, I\u2019m dizzy. I don\u2019t understand. I wasn\u2019t this bad last night.\u201d He took the glass of water from his father and drank it gratefully.<\/p>\n
\u201cDoc Martin said what he gave you for the pain, on top of the medicine Hoss gave you to help you sleep, would knock you out for most of the day.\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam set the glass on the bedside table and laid his head back against the pillows, eyes closed, and frowned slightly. \u201cWhat time is it?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cEleven-thirty.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWere the Jordans by already?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes. They\u2019ve gone now. Mrs. Fletcher and Essie Taylor will be here soon, with some food, I think.\u201d \u201cMmm. Good. Somehow I managed to miss breakfast.\u201d<\/p>\n
Ben chuckled. \u201cYou think you can get out of that bed?\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam opened his eyes and looked askance at his father. \u201cYou\u2019re kidding.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo. Doc said to get you up and make you stretch a little, several times a day.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cUp and out before the ladies get here?\u201d<\/p>\n
His father raised an eyebrow. \u201cSomething like that.\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam pulled back the covers to get out of the bed. \u201cIf I can get out of bed then I want to go home, Pa. I don\u2019t feel right imposing on Emily at a time like this.\u201d<\/p>\n
Ben put a hand under Adam\u2019s arm and helped him stand. \u201cDizzy?\u201d he asked.<\/p>\n
\u201cNot too bad. Pa–\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cForget it. Doc Martin said you\u2019re not to ride. He doesn\u2019t even want you in the buckboard. You\u2019re staying put for now.\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam was back in bed, half asleep, when he heard the thudding of little feet coming down the hall. There were several shushings outside the door and then a whispered conference. Ben grinned as the door slowly opened. \u201cHello, boys,\u201d he said softly. \u201cWhat are you up to?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cMama says lunch is here,\u201d said Matthew in a loud whisper.<\/p>\n
Adam\u2019s lips lifted a little and he opened one eye to look at the boys.<\/p>\n
\u201cHey. He\u2019s awake.\u201d Samuel ran over to the bed and climbed into it before Ben could stop him. The little boy shook Adam\u2019s shoulder. \u201cYou want some lunch, Mr. Cartwright? Mama says you hafta eat. She says you can eat in bed. Are you still sick? I never want ta eat when I\u2019m sick. But when it\u2019s just a cold Mama lets me eat in bed. Usually it\u2019s in this bed \u2018cause this is the warmest room in the house \u2018ceptin the kitchen. If we all eat good Mama\u2019s going to take us for a walk. She says we need to get out of the house some an\u2019 we all need to have a talk.\u201d<\/p>\n
Peter flushed as he watched his youngest brother bend their guest\u2019s ear with too much \u2018talk.\u2019 \u201cSammy, get outa that bed. Mr. Cartwright don\u2019t wanna listen to your jibber-jabber.\u201d<\/p>\n
Ben started to move towards the boy, but Adam waved him off. \u201cTell Emily I\u2019ll eat whenever they\u2019re ready.\u201d He put an arm around Samuel and drew him against his side. \u201cI don\u2019t mind his \u2018jibber-jabber,\u2019 Peter; it\u2019s been kinda too quiet in here this morning.\u201d He patted the bed. \u201cSit down and tell me what you boys have been doing.\u201d<\/p>\n
When Emily brought the tray in a few minutes later it was to see Adam sitting up in bed, surrounded by her sons, who seemed to be holding forth on the events of the morning. For a second her breath caught \u2013 it looked too much like her husband and the boys on Sunday mornings before they got ready for church. She set the tray down on the table next to the bed. \u201cBoys, you go get washed.\u201d She tried to keep her words bright, but to her dismay her voice wavered at the end. \u201cMr. Cartwright and Hoss are waiting for you to eat lunch.\u201d<\/p>\n
Peter had known something was wrong all morning. His mother had put off their questions about their father, and her tears only added to the bad feeling that had been growing inside him. He slid off the bed and pulled at his younger brothers. \u201cCome on \u2013 I want ta hear more of Uncle Hoss\u2019s stories.\u201d<\/p>\n
The boys ran out of the room and Emily pulled the covers back up around Adam. \u201cI think you\u2019re going to need another pillow if you\u2019re not going to spill your lunch all over yourself.\u201d She turned to leave the room but Adam caught at her hand and pulled her down on to the bed. \u201cDon\u2019t, Adam. I need a minute or I\u2019ll start again.\u201d<\/p>\n
He looked at her measuringly, then let go of her hand. \u201cAll right. But you come right back with that pillow \u2013 I don\u2019t want a cold lunch!\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cMama?\u201d \u201cYes, dear.\u201d<\/p>\n
Peter looked up at his mother. They\u2019d eaten a good lunch and said their good-byes to the elder Cartwright, who was going to return to his own ranch when he finished talking to the sheriff. Peter liked Mr. Cartwright, but he found his booming voice and jolly manner a little frightening. He thought the grownups were all worried about something. He didn\u2019t know if it was because Mr. Adam was hurt \u2013 Mr. Cartwright had looked downright grim when he came that morning to fetch his son. He wondered if it was about his pa. No one would say where he was. Though afraid of what he might find inside, Peter had tried the door to his parents\u2019 bedroom before they left for their walk and found it still locked. It was never locked.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhere\u2019s Papa?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cPapa\u2019s asleep, Peter.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAsleep like the preacher says?\u201d Peter prodded, afraid of the answer, but wanting to settle the thing in his mind. \u201cYes, dear.\u201d<\/p>\n
Peter watched his brothers as they skipped along ahead, excited to be out in the chill air. Peter felt that chill seep into him as he thought about his father. \u201cWhy, Mama?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cSome men where trying to steal our cattle. Your father and Mr. Cartwright were trying to stop them.\u201d \u201cDid, did they shoot Papa?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes.\u201d Emily bit her lip, trying to keep the tears from falling.<\/p>\n
\u201cAn\u2019 hurt Mr. Cartwright?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n
The walked quietly for a minute while Peter contemplated life without his beloved papa. \u201cWhy, Mama? Why\u2019d they have to kill him? Papa would have given \u2018em the beef if they was hungry.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThey weren\u2019t hungry, son, they were stealing to make money.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cOh.\u201d Peter\u2019s eyes finally welled up with tears. His cry of \u201cOh, Mama–\u201d caught the attention of his brothers and they turned to see their usually stoic brother crying in their mother\u2019s arms.<\/p>\n
Adam came awake to hear the deep rumble of his father\u2019s voice punctuated by the softer tones of Hoss\u2019s disagreement. They were arguing about something and Roy was out there, too. \u201cI don\u2019t care what the judge said, they had three hundred head of cattle with the Ponderosa brand on \u2018em and a hundred \u2018n fifty of Gil\u2019s.\u201d Adam couldn\u2019t make out Roy\u2019s response, but heard his father\u2019s. \u201cThat fence wasn\u2019t broken, it was cut. An\u2019 beeves don\u2019t go down into a draw like that, not so many, someone has to drive \u2018em!\u201d This last was said in a roar.<\/p>\n
\u201cPa, you know the doc wouldn\u2019t want Adam ta hear you yelling; you\u2019re just gonna hafta calm down.\u201d \u201cNo no-account rustlers are gonna charge my son with murder!\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cMurder?\u201d Adam whispered. He flicked back the covers and tried, as carefully as possible, to roll out of bed. He swayed and grabbed hold of the bedpost, cursing his weakness and Hoss\u2019s duplicitousness.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhere do ya think you\u2019re going?\u201d<\/p>\n
Hoss stood inside the doorway, arms akimbo, stern expression on his face. \u201cYou jest get back into that bed, Adam. There\u2019s nothin\u2019 you can do right know about anything you heard.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHoss–\u201d<\/p>\n
Hoss crossed to his brother and helped him back into bed. Adam rolled over on to his side and brought his knees up to try to ease the muscle spasms that had started up again. \u201cYou hold on there, brother, I\u2019m gonna get something for ya.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m sure you will,\u201d Adam said wryly, shutting his eyes tightly against the pain.<\/p>\n
Hoss\u2019s booming \u201cPa!\u201d made him think it would be hot towels, not drugs this time, though.<\/p>\n
\u201c\u2014but that\u2019s their story, Ben, an\u2019 they got as much right to tell their side as Adam does his. Now, Adam\u2019s got two witnesses that say as the other fellas got off the first shot and hit Adam, then they got Arminger.\u201d<\/p>\n
The two older men entered the room, and Roy continued: \u201cOf course, as Slim and Eddie were involved in the fight the settlers are sayin\u2019 they ain\u2019t reliable witnesses.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThey\u2019re no more settlers than I\u2019m a, a boot-maker!\u201d Ben seethed. Adam smiled a little at his father\u2019s expression.<\/p>\n
\u201cOh, so you think it\u2019s funny, hmm, Adam?\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam did think it was funny and wondered if the medicines were affecting his mind. He found listening to an irascible Ben Cartwright arguing with his old friend somehow comforting, and he could feel the tension drain out of him, his back muscles slowly untighten and the pain recede somewhat.<\/p>\n
Ben could see Adam visibly relax, the lines of pain easing in his face. \u201cI suppose you heard our discussion.\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam\u2019s lips quirked again, but he didn\u2019t open his eyes. \u201cThat \u2018discussion\u2019 could wake the–\u201d He stopped and opened his eyes. \u201cYes, I heard,\u201d he finished simply.<\/p>\n
After a moment he continued: \u201cFrom what I could see they were provisioned out like settlers. But some of that stuff only rustlers would have.\u201d He sighed and let his eyelids drift closed. \u201cGet a couple of good trackers out there, get \u2018em to look over the site. It should be clear to them what happened.\u201d<\/p>\n
Roy nodded. \u201cThat was my thinking, too. But they\u2019re saying they bought those irons off a man that said they\u2019d need \u2018em if they was gonna be ranchers.\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam grunted and opened his eyes again. \u201cThink the judge\u2019ll believe that?\u201d<\/p>\n
Roy scratched at his cheek and jutted out his chin. \u201cWell, now, seein\u2019 as how it wasn\u2019t all packed away, I think he\u2019ll have a hard time believing that yarn.\u201d<\/p>\n
Hoss came in as the sheriff was speaking and, with practiced ease, quickly wrapped Adam\u2019s back in hot towels.<\/p>\n
Roy watched the procedure with detached interest, Ben with concern at the ever-deepening hues of the bruises on his son\u2019s back.<\/p>\n
\u201cOnly problem is,\u201d Roy continued, \u201cis that none of them beeves\u2019 brands was changed yet.\u201d He looked at Hoss. \u201cI got Adam\u2019s story last night an\u2019 that\u2019ll be good enough for the judge, but he wants you, Slim, and Eddie to come to town.\u201d He shifted his gaze to Ben. \u201cAnd if you can keep from yelling, Ben, I\u2019d like to have you come in too. I think we can keep this from comin\u2019 to trial if we lay it all out, nice \u2018n logical, for the judge.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cTrial for whom?\u201d asked Adam drowsily.<\/p>\n
\u201cNow you just let me worry about that, son,\u201d said Roy.<\/p>\n
\u201cHow long you reckon all this is gonna take, Roy?\u201d Hoss asked. \u201cSomeone has to be here to take care of Adam.\u201d \u201cShouldn\u2019t take more than a couple, maybe four hours.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019ll be fine.\u201d<\/p>\n
Hoss grinned suddenly. \u201cHouse\u2019ll be filled with a bunch of women in a couple of hours, anyway.\u201d Adam grimaced at the thought and Ben and Roy laughed.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou don\u2019t want a bunch of women fussin\u2019 at you, brother?\u201d Hoss teased.<\/p>\n
\u201cI think Emily said Essie Taylor would be back; she\u2019ll defend me.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIf she doesn\u2019t try to stuff you full of food first. You tell her I\u2019ll be here t\u2019night and I want one of those meat pies.\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam\u2019s smile was faint and vague. He knew Hoss was trying to divert his attention from his problems, but somehow a looming murder charge seemed more worrisome than the prospect of being fussed over by a pack of well-meaning church ladies. He directed his next words to his father. \u201cI can move around fine; Doc Martin will be here tonight. I\u2019ll rest easier if I know you\u2019re in town getting this straightened out.\u201d<\/p>\n
Ben looked as if he would protest, but Adam continued firmly: \u201cGo, Pa. You\u2019re more help to me in town than here.\u201d<\/p>\n
Ben studied his son\u2019s face and, satisfied with what he saw, gave Adam\u2019s arm a light squeeze. \u201cAll right, son. I suppose if Paul is going to be out to check on you…\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAdam. Adam?\u201d \u201cJus\u2019 wanna sleep…\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou have to roll over, and I\u2019m not Hoss \u2013 I can\u2019t flip you. Wake up!\u201d Despite her words, Emily pushed on Adam to roll him on to his back.<\/p>\n
Adam came fully awake as he rolled over, the ache in his back intensifying for a moment and then subsiding. \u201cHow do you feel?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBetter. Doesn\u2019t hurt so much.\u201d He put a hand up to cover a yawn and he studied Emily\u2019s face while she pulled the blankets back up around his shoulders.<\/p>\n
\u201cDo you need anything?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo. Thanks.\u201d He reached a hand out to stay her busy movements. \u201cHow are the kids?\u201d \u201cPeter is in the kitchen with Essie. Samuel and Matthew are napping.\u201d<\/p>\n
His grasp on her arm was light. \u201cEmily.\u201d<\/p>\n
She met his eyes finally and spoke reluctantly. \u201cOnly Peter really understood. Samuel and Matthew are too young.\u201d She sat on the edge of the bed, knowing that Adam expected more, but unable to put her thoughts into words.<\/p>\n
\u201cThey are too young, but they\u2019ll eventually understand. I did. And talking about Gil will make him live longer in their memories.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNot today \u2013 I can\u2019t.\u201d She looked down at her lap and straightened the pleats of her skirt. \u201cHow I wish my family were closer. Essie will watch the children, they\u2019ve always liked her, but it\u2019s not like having my sisters here.\u201d She tried to take a deep breath, but it seemed to catch in her throat and she began to cry despite her attempt to control her emotions. She searched the pockets of her skirt for her handkerchief and dabbed at her eyes with the small scrap of muslin. She stood abruptly and paced the room, trying to calm herself.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou need rest, Em. Go lie down.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI know, Adam. I just don\u2019t want to be alone right now.\u201d \u201cWell…pull up that rocking chair and tell me all about Ohio.\u201d<\/p>\n
Essie stopped dead in the door as she went to look in on young Mr. Cartwright. He was lying on his side, turned towards Emily. Emily had her head cradled in her arms, which were resting on the bed beside him. His hand was lying on the nape of her neck, as if to comfort, but there was no low-voiced conversation, as Essie had thought at first, only the quiet of restful slumber. Essie stepped closer to the sleeping pair and sent a small prayer heavenward as a floor-board creaked beneath her feet. Adam Cartwright\u2019s eyes opened and he shook his head slightly at her silent query.<\/p>\n
Essie didn\u2019t know whether to scold or to try to get Emily to bed. She settled on frowning at Adam as she started to ease Emily out of the chair and up over the edge of the bed. Adam returned the frown, but moved out of the way, shaking his head again. Emily sighed but did not wake up as Essie covered her with the comforter that had been on the chest at the base of the bed. Satisfied that her charge would sleep, she winked at Adam. He gave her an exasperated look and, after she left the room, ignoring his displeasure, he soon fell asleep to dream of irate fathers armed with shotguns.<\/p>\n
\u201cI want my mama!\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cShh. Your mama is sleeping, young man. She needs her rest, and she isn\u2019t going to get it if you set up a screech.\u201d Samuel struggled in Essie\u2019s arms and again cried for his mother.<\/p>\n
\u201cI wanna see my mama!\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cSamuel Arminger, your mama didn\u2019t sleep last night; she needs to sleep now.\u201d<\/p>\n
Sammy dragged his sleeve across his eyes and sniffed. \u201cIs she d…dead?\u201d<\/p>\n
Essie finally understood the boy\u2019s anxiety. \u201cNo, my sweet, she really is just asleep. Would you like to see her?\u201d Sammy nodded silently.<\/p>\n
\u201cAll right, but you must stay quiet. Don\u2019t say anything while you\u2019re in the room.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cY…yes, ma\u2019am.\u201d<\/p>\n
Essie carried the boy to the back bedroom and silently opened the door, thankful for its well-oiled hinges.<\/p>\n
Heavy velvet drapes drawn tightly against the afternoon sun made the room dim, but Sammy could see his mother lying in the bed under their best eiderdown. When they reached the bed he leaned down to inspect his mother closely. She was breathing evenly. A small, scared part of him didn\u2019t believe what he saw and he wanted to touch her and kiss her and make her talk to him, but Essie saw the impulse to touch and she pulled back and shook her head. She gave the boy an encouraging smile and pointed to Mr. Cartwright. He was lying on his back, one arm flung out towards Sammy\u2019s mother, the other across his chest. His mouth was open and he was snoring lightly. Sammy grinned at the sight.<\/p>\n
Essie tapped the side of her teacup as she considered whether to awaken Emily. It was five o\u2019clock and the ladies would be arriving soon with dinner. The children were playing quietly in their room, Mr. Jeffers had done his work quickly and discreetly and Gil was laid out in a corner of the living room, surrounded by ferns and flowers. The hour Emily had spent with Mr. Jeffers would produce a fitting conclusion to Gil\u2019s life, if there could be such a thing, Essie thought bitterly. The black dress which Emily had had M\u2019mselle alter off the rack had just been delivered, as had the little grey suits the boys would wear for the next two days. Essie sighed. She hoped the Cartwright men would return soon; it would be decidedly odd for only Adam to be in the house, however badly injured he was.<\/p>\n
She finished her tea and rose to her feet. Emily would have to change now while Essie got the boys ready. Essie ran an experienced eye over the living room and its silent occupant. All was ready.<\/p>\n
Emily stirred and stretched a little as she woke up. There was another quiet knock on the door and she murmured \u201cKids…\u201d She reached out to Gil and ran her hand down his back. She slid closer to him and put her arm around his waist, giving him a light squeeze to wake him up. But he seemed to be under the covers and she over them. \u201cAdam!\u201d She uttered a despair-filled: \u201cOh, no \u2013 Gil!\u201d and felt a warm hand push aside the covers to squeeze her own. It was Gil\u2019s nightshirt that she reflexively clutched at, the familiar scent of the sachets she made every summer lingering in the fabric hours out of the drawer, filling her heart with a tearing grief to know that the man who wore it was not her husband, and that she would never hold Gil like this again. A quick, fleeting wish that it had been Gil who\u2019d lived, not Adam, made her tighten her grip on him in guilt, and she clenched her eyes shut in a vain attempt to stop her tears.<\/p>\n
Adam opened his eyes to see the room dark, except for a sliver of light let in by the open door. Emily was clinging to him, and he could feel her shudder with silent sobs.<\/p>\n
\u201cEmily?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cShe\u2019s awake, Mrs. Taylor,\u201d Adam replied. \u201cGive her a few minutes, please?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAs you wish.\u201d She thought she could hear Emily crying but stifled the impulse to go to her. \u201cRemind her that there will be people in the house soon.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes, thank you.\u201d<\/p>\n
Essie closed the door and Emily sat up after a few moments, tears streaming down her face, her quiet sobbing checked as she took in her surroundings. \u201cI\u2019m sorry, Adam, I don\u2019t know how I came to –\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIt\u2019s all right. Essie didn\u2019t want to wake you by trying to move you to your room.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cOh.\u201d Emily put a hand to her chest and felt the looseness of her blouse and stays. \u201cI\u2019m half undressed!\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam flushed in the dark and turned away from her again. The ill-considered movement sent a flash of pain through his back and his next words came out more harshly than he\u2019d intended. \u201cWell, get yourself together \u2013 I can\u2019t see a thing, anyway. I suppose Essie thought you\u2019d be more comfortable that way.\u201d He continued more evenly over the rustling sounds of Emily pulling her corset tight and refastening her blouse and skirt. \u201cWhat arrangements did you make?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThe funeral will be tomorrow \u2013 I wish you could come out to the cemetery \u2013 I think Joe is going to stay with you. Maybe if you feel up to it tonight you can go out to the parlor. I don\u2019t know if the doctor will let you participate in the funeral. I wasn\u2019t counting on it if you can\u2019t, or if he won\u2019t. You were Gil\u2019s friend,\u201d her voice broke at this, \u201cand he\u2019d want you to speak.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes,\u201d said Adam softly. \u201cI suppose he would.\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam was up and walking around, but only because he couldn\u2019t bear to be in bed any longer. The pain medicine and the sleeping draught he\u2019d been given had both worn off to leave him aching and feeling nauseous. Essie bustled into his room to find him pacing in a vain attempt to warm up his muscles and stave off being sick.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat are you doing out of bed, young man?\u201d \u201cDid Joe come with some clothes for me?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo, little Joe isn\u2019t here yet. And I don\u2019t know what you\u2019ll do with clothes, except for your own nightshirt and robe. Now, you get back into that bed and I\u2019ll bring you some supper.\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam paled at the thought of food but obeyed Essie and got into bed, sitting up against a pile of pillows that Essie had fluffed while she was speaking.<\/p>\n
She looked at him closely and didn\u2019t like what she saw. \u201cI think you need Doc Martin more than Little Joe. Would you like some broth or some tea?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI really don\u2019t think…\u201d He looked positively green and finally got out: \u201cWould you bring a basin, I think I might need it.\u201d \u201cOh, dearie \u2013 of course!\u201d She hurried out of the room.<\/p>\n
Mrs. Jordan stopped her on her dash into the kitchen. \u201cWhat\u2019s wrong, Essie?\u201d<\/p>\n
Essie was rummaging through the pantry and pulled out an old chipped basin. \u201cAdam Cartwright isn\u2019t feeling at all well \u2013 he\u2019s been asking for his brother,\u201d she said distractedly and somewhat inaccurately. \u201cI wonder if I ought to send Eddie for Dr. Martin now,\u201d she mused, half to herself.<\/p>\n
\u201cI thought he had engaged in fisticuffs and was merely grazed by a bullet–\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cMmm \u2013 he hurt his back and is in a lot of pain; I think the medicine the doctor gave him is making him sick.\u201d Her eyes finally focused on the minister\u2019s wife with suspicion. \u201cHave you been talking to people about him, Moira? You know I don\u2019t hold with gossip and for a minister\u2019s wife you have a mighty busy tongue.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWell, I never–\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes, you have, and I don\u2019t hold any truck with that kind of nonsense. Adam Cartwright is here because he was injured<\/p>\n
trying to defend his and his friend\u2019s property, and the doc wanted him to stay put. So you keep your nasty little suspicions to yourself, missus.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cOf all the impertinent–\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYep, always has been a failing of mine. If I\u2019ve wronged you I\u2019m sorry, but I don\u2019t have time right now to fuss about it.\u201d She lifted the bowl and its contents of cloths, hot bricks, and warm towels and put it on her hip. She grabbed a pitcher of water and left the room and a very insulted Mrs. Jordan behind in a flurry of movement.<\/p>\n
Joe Cartwright stepped into his brother\u2019s room to see Adam sitting up in bed, eyes closed, brow furrowed, and almost as pale as the pillows he was leaning against. It never ceased to amaze Joe how dark his brother got in the summer and then how white his skin turned in the winter. But this whiteness was even lighter than the faded tan of two days before. \u201cHey, Adam,\u201d he said softly.<\/p>\n
Adam opened his eyes and looked so relieved that Joe wanted to laugh. \u201cJoe.\u201d<\/p>\n
Joe crossed the room and sat on the bed, touching Adam\u2019s cheek with the back of his fingers. \u201cI hear you\u2019re not feeling too great.\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam smiled a little and closed his eyes again. \u201cYou might say that.\u201d \u201cYou gonna keep your eyes closed the whole time I\u2019m here?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDon\u2019t feel so sick when I keep \u2018em closed.\u201d<\/p>\n
Joe\u2019s brows snapped together in concern. \u201cYou hit your head?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo. I\u2019ll feel better once I eat something.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThere\u2019s an awful lot of food out there \u2013 you want me to make you up a tray?\u201d<\/p>\n
The words had hardly left his lips when Essie pushed open the door and entered with a tray containing beef broth, thin slices of toast, and a glass of milk.<\/p>\n
\u201cThat\u2019s all you\u2019re gonna feed him?\u201d Joe asked incredulously.<\/p>\n
Essie ignored Joe as she set the tray on the table by the bed, only answering after she had tucked a napkin into his brother\u2019s nightshirt. \u201cThis is all he can take right now, Little Joe.\u201d She turned gave him a stern look. \u201cNow don\u2019t you go riling up your brother, Joseph.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201c\u2018Riling up\u2019 is part of the Joe cure, Essie,\u201d interjected Adam with a smile. \u201cDon\u2019t worry, Mrs. Taylor, I know how to treat an invalid.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cInvalid? Little<\/em> Joe–\u201d<\/p>\nEssie smiled as she closed the door behind her, pleased at the sight of a little color returning to the eldest Cartwright son\u2019s cheeks, and his absentminded nibbling on his toast as his brother teased him. Joseph was just what Adam needed, apparently.<\/p>\n
Adam finished his supper and gave his brother a lop-sided grin. \u201cThat steer charged you last winter, not today, Joe \u2013 I heard you telling Hoss about it then.\u201d Joe blushed and started to defend himself but Adam held up his hand. \u201cIt\u2019s all right. It\u2019s a very funny story. But either I look like death warmed over or there is something really bothering you.\u201d Worry creased Adam\u2019s brow, and Joe hastened to set his brother\u2019s mind at ease.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou look like death warmed over,\u201d he said with a grin. \u201cNothin\u2019s wrong. Just thought you\u2019d eat better if you weren\u2019t thinking about how you felt. Would you like something more to eat?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo. Thank you. A couple of days of eating like this won\u2019t hurt me.\u201d He frowned, still thinking Joe was hiding something from him. \u201cDo you think you could tell me what is really bothering you?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNothin\u2019.\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam inspected his brother closely. Joe had matured a great deal in the past few years, and was no longer an impulsive boy, but a responsible and able man whom Adam trusted implicitly. If something was worrying him, Adam thought he probably had very good cause to be concerned.<\/p>\n
\u201cSomething is wrong out there, Adam,\u201d Joe said finally. \u201cEveryone is here, doing what\u2019s proper, I \u2018spose, and I don\u2019t think Emily has noticed, but –\u201d He stopped and ran a hand through his hair. \u201cI don\u2019t think it\u2019s that you had to shoot those rustlers, but I overheard Brownie saying something about it bein\u2019 awfully convenient, those rustlers, and then he stopped when he realized I was behind him. I don\u2019t know what he meant.\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam took a deep breath, or tried to, but the pain from his bruised ribs stopped the action short. The medicine the doc had given him had definitely worn off. His mind felt clear for the first time that day and he frowned as he reviewed the events of the previous twenty-four hours. \u201cJoe, send Essie in here, would you. And get me my dressing gown.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat do you have in mind?\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam had looked grim, now he was starting to look very angry. \u201cBrownie always did have a big mouth. I\u2019m going to shut it for him.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cUh, Adam, I don\u2019t think you\u2019re goin\u2019 anywhere. Why don\u2019t you tell me what this is all about and I\u2019ll go talk to him?\u201d \u201cBrownie doesn\u2019t listen to words \u2013 he\u2019s always gotta learn the hard way.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWell, you\u2019re not going to do the learnin\u2019 this time, big brother \u2013 you\u2019re gonna stay in that bed.\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam put his head back and squeezed his eyes shut against a vicious muscle spasm. \u201cJust get Essie, Joe,\u201d he managed to get out.<\/p>\n
\u201cI will, but not for the reason you\u2019re thinking, I\u2019m sure.\u201d Joe ran out of the room to find Emily\u2019s friend.<\/p>\n
He found her in the living room, up by the casket, quietly talking to one of Gil\u2019s friends. \u201cEssie, come quick \u2013 did the Doc leave any medicine for Adam? He\u2019s in pretty bad shape.\u201d<\/p>\n
Essie excused herself and hurried through the room after Joe. \u201cThere\u2019s some in the kitchen, but Adam didn\u2019t want to take any more \u2013 it made him sick.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWell, he needs something, cause he\u2019s –\u201d They had reached the door to Adam\u2019s room and Joe stopped, stunned. \u201c\u2014out of bed,\u201d he finished angrily. \u201cWhat are you doing up?\u201d Several people had followed the two down the hall, but Joe didn\u2019t care. \u201cGet back in bed \u2013 you\u2019ll do more damage to yourself.\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam glared at his brother before his gaze shifted to someone behind Joe. He took a shaky step forward and pointed his finger at the man. \u201cYou \u2013 I want to talk to you.\u201d He advanced on the small group of people by the door and they shrank back against the walls, well aware of the young man\u2019s fury, and strength. Adam Cartwright at close quarters, even in a nightshirt, with his feet bare and his hair tousled, and injured, seemed still to be a force to be reckoned with, and no one in the room had any wish to intervene.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou always did have a big mouth, Brownie. Is there something you\u2019d like to say to me, or a question you\u2019d like to ask, before you jump to conclusions, as usual?\u201d<\/p>\n
Joe put a hand on Adam\u2019s arm, but his brother shook it off impatiently.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019ve done it before and I\u2019ll do it again; did you think I wouldn\u2019t? \u2013 she\u2019s worth a hundred of the last,\u201d he said obliquely and fiercely.<\/p>\n
Brownie paled slightly. Cartwright was fair shaking with anger, and pain, he thought, but despite the young man\u2019s obvious suffering, was still ready to fight. \u201cI didn\u2019t say anything that some others haven\u2019t, boy.\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam advanced on him and Brownie backed out of the room and into the hallway. \u201cWhich others? They come here to comfort and instead accuse?\u201d His hands clenched into fists which Brownie watched with a sick fascination, sure that he\u2019d be feeling them at any moment.<\/p>\n
Emily had been gazing abstractedly at her husband\u2019s body, numb and exhausted by the well-wishers, though it was early in the evening yet, when she heard raised voices in the back hall. She tilted her head to hear better and thought she heard Adam\u2019s voice raised in anger. Wondering what was going on, she rose smoothly from her chair and waved the children back when they showed an inclination to rush towards the commotion. She pushed aside her guests to see a man on the older side of middle age backing away from Adam, who was stalking after him: Adam was as pale as he was angry, and Emily was taken aback by the hostility that emanated from her usually gentle friend.<\/p>\n
Brownie started getting angry himself, and, unaware that the lady was behind him, egged Adam on. \u201cShe really worth a hundred of the last one, Adam Cartwright? She must<\/strong> be good.\u201d Half the people had not been in Virginia City five years before, but those who had gasped, as they finally understood what the argument was about.<\/p>\nAdam growled and lunged at the other man, pulling back his fist to the sound of his brother\u2019s loud: \u201cAdam, no!\u201d Joe grabbed at Adam\u2019s arm but missed and Adam connected solidly with his tormentor\u2019s chin and Brownie went crashing back into the living room, barely missing Emily. Adam swayed but stayed on his feet as Emily rushed to him and put her arm<\/p>\n
around his waist. \u201cAdam! What on earth are you fighting about? Why are you out of bed?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cStay out of the way, Emily.\u201d He set her aside gently and advanced on his quarry, his legs starting to shake as the pain from his back radiated downward, making every step an agony. Brownie pulled himself to his feet, and not knowing Adam was simply going to ask for an apology, struck out at the younger man, using his momentum from rising to power a punch that laid the younger man out cold.<\/p>\n
\u201cAdam!\u201d cried Emily, raising one hand to her mouth while she gathered her skirts with the other. Adam lay unmoving while she threw herself down by his side and felt for a pulse at the base of his throat.<\/p>\n
Joe shouldered his way through the crowd and knelt by his fallen sibling. Adam was breathing, but he\u2019d hit the floor hard and Joe cringed at the possibility that he had added a concussion to his other injuries.<\/p>\n
He rose and turned to Brownie, who was feeling his jaw and regarding the crowd of onlookers with defensive animosity. \u201cHe started it,\u201d the older man tried.<\/p>\n
Joe looked at him with barely suppressed contempt, puzzled at the man\u2019s behavior. \u201cYou just had to rub it in \u2013 you know it\u2019s like waving a red flag in front of Adam, to repeat something like that. And you owe the widow an apology.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDidn\u2019t say anything they weren\u2019t thinking,\u201d he said, jerking his head towards the group of mourners. \u201cLittle Sammy said–<\/p>\n
\u201cI don\u2019t care what Sammy said,\u201d Joe interrupted. \u201cYou apologize to the lady and get out of here. You know better than to say something like that at a time like this.\u201d<\/p>\n
Brownie ground his teeth together for a moment and then turned to Emily. He touched a finger to where his hat would be and said: \u201cMy apologies, ma\u2019am, seems I was mistaken. An\u2019 my condolences on the loss of your husband.\u201d<\/p>\n
Emily looked up at him with wide eyes, hurt and confused, and he felt the first stirrings of remorse. \u201cJoe\u2019s right, I have more mouth than sense, sometimes. G\u2019night ma\u2019am.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAny that has the same thought can go,\u201d Essie said with determination. \u201cI know what Sammy said, but he didn\u2019t know the whole, he\u2019s a child. Now the rest of you stop acting like children and be a help to Emily instead of a hindrance.\u201d<\/p>\n
A couple of the men moved forward to carry Adam back to his bed, and the women closed around Emily to help her to a chair. Joe shot a look over his shoulder at Essie as he followed the men to Adam\u2019s room. She caught the quick glance and shook her head, mouthing \u2018later.\u2019<\/p>\n
Adam grunted his assent and Paul twitched Adam\u2019s drawers a little lower and started by pressing his fingers to the base of his spine.\u00a0 \u201cTell me when it hurts.\u201d\u00a0 He was half-way to Adam\u2019s shoulder-blades before he gave any sign of discomfort.<\/p>\n
\u201c\u2014and get it up to his shoulders, Joe, and don\u2019t raise his arms \u2013 I\u2019ll look at his back and then we can turn him over so I can see those ribs.\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam felt the relatively colder air of the room hit his skin between the top of his drawers and where his nightshirt was being pushed up over his shoulder-blades. He realized he was back in bed, face down, and as his vision cleared he saw Paul Martin turning from opening a bottle of something on the nightstand. The pungent smell of liniment reached his nostrils and he groaned.<\/p>\n
\u201cAdam?\u201d Dr. Martin leaned over to look into his eyes. \u201cYou back with us?\u201d \u201cYes,\u201d said Adam, half into the pillow. \u201cDon\u2019t want that stuff \u2013 it burns.\u201d<\/p>\n
Dr. Martin patted his shoulder and pulled the dressing off the long weal across his back. \u201cYes, I know, but it works. How\u2019s your head feel?\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam thought for a moment, trying to sort out his various pains. \u201cHurts.\u201d<\/p>\n
Satisfied that the long wound across his back had fared better than he\u2019d hoped, Dr. Martin squatted down and looked into his eyes \u2013 if he\u2019d known Adam was going to wake up so soon he\u2019d have waited to turn him over. \u201cUh, hum,\u201d he said encouragingly, pulling back Adam\u2019s eyelids a little to see how his pupils would react.<\/p>\n
\u201cJaw hurts.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m sure it does \u2013 you\u2019ve acquired a new bruise since I was here last. You\u2019re luckier that you deserve, Adam. No broken teeth, jaw\u2019s intact, and you don\u2019t seem to have a concussion. Now that the bruises on your back have all come out I\u2019m just going to probe it a bit and I want you to tell me how much and where it hurts.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThere?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes, but not much. It\u2019s spread across my back, not along my backbone.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThat\u2019s good. I don\u2019t think you have any nerve damage \u2013 you should heal quickly. You have some deep bruising — and I suppose you kept fighting and you pulled the damaged muscles. Did you pick up anything heavy during or after the fight? Last night\u2019s fight, not tonight\u2019s,\u201d he added, looking steadily at Adam as he picked up a jar of ointment.<\/p>\n
\u201cNo.\u201d He closed his eyes and turned his face further into the pillow. \u201cWell, not exactly heavy.\u201d \u201cWhat do you mean, \u2018not exactly heavy\u2019?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cJoe \u2013 are you still here?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYeah, Adam.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWould you go out in the hall for a few minutes? Please.\u201d<\/p>\n
Dr. Martin looked up from bandaging Adam and nodded at Joe.<\/p>\n
\u201cSure.\u201d He squeezed his brother\u2019s shoulder. \u201cYou call when you need me.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYeah. Thanks, Joe.\u201d<\/p>\n
Paul scooped out some of the liniment and started to rub it into his patient\u2019s suddenly tense muscles. Adam sucked in air through his teeth. \u201cCouldn\u2019t that wait?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo. Now, what did you want to tell me?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI picked up Emily.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cOh. She weighs about a hundred pounds. Suppose that would do it.\u201d He eyed Adam thoughtfully. \u201cAnd why did you pick her up?\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam finally looked up at the doctor. \u201cShe fainted.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cOh. And neither of you saw fit to tell me.\u201d Paul finished with the liniment and pulled Adam\u2019s drawers back into place. \u201cYou know, she miscarried twice last year. If she\u2019s pregnant–\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam could feel his back start to tense up again. He hadn\u2019t known about the miscarriages. \u201cShe is.\u201d<\/p>\n
Paul sighed and shook his head, re-capping the liniment and cleaning his hands. \u201cI can see not wanting to put up a public notice, but to not tell me–\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou would have stuck her in bed. People would ask questions. She wouldn\u2019t want all that fuss.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIf you don\u2019t calm down, I\u2019m going to give you something to knock you out again. What is the matter with you, Adam? It\u2019s not like you to get so agitated.\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam\u2019s answer was mostly muffled by the pillow, but Paul could still make it out. \u201cIt\u2019s my fault.\u201d \u201cWhat\u2019s your fault, Adam?\u201d Paul gently pulled at his shoulder. \u201cI want you to turn over.\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam levered himself over onto his back, clenching his jaw against the pain that rippled through his muscles. He didn\u2019t answer for a moment, but put an arm over his eyes as Paul inspected his bruised ribs. \u201cI should have told Gil that we should get Roy. I know how dangerous it is to take on rustlers without a posse. Never should have done it. Gil would be alive. Those kids would have a father; Emily would have a husband.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYour ribs look fine \u2013 no more damage.\u201d Paul pulled down Adam\u2019s nightshirt, pulled the bed-clothes up to Adam\u2019s waist, and pushed at the open placket of the nightshirt to have a look at the bullet wound. \u201cAdam, I don\u2019t know what would have happened if you had gotten the sheriff, but you and Gil would have been in that posse and he still could have been killed. Odds would have been lower, of course, but someone might have been killed. Gil was never one to hang back and let others do the work.\u201d Paul put a fresh dressing on the bullet wound, which had re-opened during the fight. \u201cI don\u2019t like all the violence here. I don\u2019t like telling people their love-one is dead; don\u2019t like patching up the endless results of all the gunplay. Even more \u2018civilized\u2019 parts have problems, though. There seems to be no end to man\u2019s ability to take, and harm his neighbor doin\u2019 it. Don\u2019t you go blaming yourself \u2013 and don\u2019t brood on it. Gil coulda stepped on a nail next week and died of lockjaw. You\u2019re not God an\u2019 you don\u2019t run things. You always did have trouble with that idea, Adam.\u201d He poured a glass of water from the carafe on the bedside table and mixed a packet of powder into it.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat\u2019s that?\u201d asked Adam, eying the glass suspiciously.<\/p>\n
\u201cIt\u2019s not the same medicine that made you sick.\u201d He helped Adam sit up and watched him obediently drink the mixture. \u201cIt will dull the pain, but it is more soporific than pain medicine.\u201d<\/p>\n
Ben Cartwright looked down at his sleeping son and sighed. Only a slightly swelling bruise along his jaw gave evidence of the events of the past twenty-four hours. Ben hoped that the healing power of drug-induced sleep would nip in the bud a round of useless self-recrimination that Paul warned him Adam had started. He sank into the chair by the window and contemplated viscous thieves, stubborn judges, lying witnesses, recalcitrant icemen, and gossiping town-folk. Then to be met with the news that his normally self-controlled son had risen out of his sick-bed to attack Browning, further injuring his sprained back, and ultimately confirming in people\u2019s minds the very notion that he\u2019d tried to put paid to…<\/p>\n
The door swung open and Emily came into the room, lamp in hand. Fatigued-shadowed eyes fell first on Ben and then on Adam, one silent question hanging in the air as she asked another. \u201cHow is he?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHe\u2019s fine. Whatever Doc gave him really knocked him out.\u201d<\/p>\n
She crossed to the bed and laid the back of her hand on his cheek and forehead. \u201cNo fever.\u201d \u201cNo, you did a real fine job of cleaning him up. Those wounds aren\u2019t bad. He\u2019ll heal, despite–\u201d<\/p>\n
Emily continued staring at Adam, but interrupted Ben, giving voice to the matter which was uppermost in both their minds. \u201cI don\u2019t know what possessed him, to go off like that.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI do,\u201d said Ben softly.<\/p>\n
A faint tinge of color washed Emily\u2019s cheeks and she shifted her gaze from Adam\u2019s face to the floor. \u201cTo even think such a thing, and now–\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo \u2013 it wasn\u2019t the talk, it\u2019s everything that happened. He blames himself.\u201d \u201cBut nothing that happened was his fault.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI know that, and you know it, but Adam won\u2019t.\u201d Ben leaned forward in his chair. \u201cEmily, I know my son, and I know what he has in mind. He\u2019s going to make it his mission to see that you don\u2019t suffer from his mistakes.\u201d Emily opened her mouth to speak, but Ben stopped her with a raised hand. \u201cThat\u2019s his perception, and I\u2019m telling you, that is what he is going to do.\u201d Ben stood and walked over to the bed and stared down at his son. \u201cI\u2019m asking this now, not to burden you, but to warn you and ask a favor of you.\u201d Emily looked at him, puzzled, but he kept his eyes on his firstborn. \u201cTake his comfort and let him be your friend, but don\u2019t exhaust him. I did, almost, when Marie died. Talk to Essie, or Mrs. Fletcher, or any of your friends; then go to Adam. Adam\u2019ll try to put his stamp on this place \u2013 he can\u2019t help but want to run things… don\u2019t let \u2018im. Eddie is one of the best foremen in these parts \u2013 let him have his head.\u201d Ben raised his eyes to Emily\u2019s. \u201cI\u2019m going to be very blunt \u2013 I don\u2019t want to hurt you, but I don\u2019t want to see *Adam* hurt. \u201cDon\u2019t lead him on and don\u2019t use him. He\u2019s not your husband, nor ever is like to be \u2013 for the life of me I can\u2019t understand why he\u2019s always a day late and a dollar short, but he just never gets it right with women, and like he won\u2019t with you.\u201d<\/p>\n
Emily looked very angry and Ben was pleased to see some animation in her face. Grief had not made her so numb that she couldn\u2019t defend herself. \u201cThank you for the warning, Mr. Cartwright. I hope I\u2019m the kind of woman that would never impose on anyone\u2019s good will, let alone a friend\u2019s. And I think Adam is very well able to take care of himself.\u201d<\/p>\n
Ben grunted. \u201cSometimes.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWell, that\u2019s as may be,\u201d she said sharply, \u201cbut I\u2019ve taken care of a place before by myself, and I can do it again.\u201d Ben raised his eyebrows at this. \u201cYou knew there\u2019d be an end to that \u2013 and Gil was here waiting for you.\u201d<\/p>\n
Emily couldn\u2019t stop the blush that flamed in her cheeks at Ben\u2019s blunt words. \u201cI\u2019ll not act the lonely widow, Mr. Cartwright. My life is full enough.\u201d<\/p>\n
Ben smiled. \u201cGood girl.\u201d He put a hand on his son\u2019s head, smoothing the curls that always sprang up despite Adam\u2019s best efforts to tame them. Adam rarely faltered in his well-disciplined life. Ben hoped that today\u2019s explosion of temper and angst would be the end of it, not the beginning of something worse.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhere were you?\u201d<\/p>\n
The question was simple enough, but Adam Cartwright bristled at the implication. It wasn\u2019t that his father hadn\u2019t the right to ask, Adam still lived under his roof, after all, but the careful scrutiny with which his father had greeted him, and the obvious concern over his behavior, irked the thirty-three year-old. He was his own man, and if he chose to spend the long November evenings at the Arminger ranch, it was none of his father\u2019s business.<\/p>\n
He had made good on his promise to Gil. Emily and the boys were set for the winter. Eddie and Slim were staying on, and Adam and Eddie had let the word out that the Buckeye would be hiring come spring. If the firewood was piled higher than Gil had ever thought necessary, or if there were more winter stores in the cellar, Adam thought he couldn\u2019t be faulted. With no one but the two remaining hands around, one couldn\u2019t be too careful in laying to a little extra for what could be a difficult season.<\/p>\n
Ben was worried. Emily\u2019s entrance at church the week before had occasioned some talk. Normally he would ignore the old biddies, but his concern for his son and his anger over the previous gossip sharpened his usually dull, man\u2019s social ear. The look that Adam had exchanged with Emily made him think that something entirely too serious was going on between his son and the attractive young widow. He all but rejected the thought; Adam seemed to have a vast talent for avoiding respectable women and Emily was one of the most straight-laced women of his acquaintance.<\/p>\n
She seemed to have taken Ben\u2019s advice to heart, and had kept Adam carefully at arm\u2019s length as far as running the ranch. And the steady procession of friends through the house that his son reported appeared to be a great comfort to her. But he was left wondering exactly what Adam did during the long hours at the Arminger ranch. The boys cropped up increasingly in his conversation, reminding Ben forcefully of how much Adam had missed in his life. He wondered if his son was unconsciously seeking to fill the void by playing father to Gil\u2019s boys. He didn\u2019t want his son to be hurt, again, and had near reached the end of his rope waiting for Adam to be loved for himself, not for what he could do for someone, and certainly not for his admittedly very good looks, or his fortune. Emily, to her credit, would care little for either of those, though Gil had been easy on the eyes as well. If it was not simply appreciation and friendship behind that look, he thought it likely she was falling for Adam\u2019s kindly manner and sweetness when confronted with someone in trouble.<\/p>\n
But there was something he was seeing in Adam, an acknowledgment of something long deferred, which wanted an outlet. Emily was pretty, the way that Inger had been. Sweet and kind and wholesome, without the mischief of Adam\u2019s mother, without the sophistication and absolute beauty of Marie, but a loving and gentle girl, firm in her beliefs and apparently able to stand on her own. Just the type of girl he might hope for his son, but only at the right time. And now wasn\u2019t that time.<\/p>\n
Adam looked at him from weary eyes and an attitude belied by the placid expression on his face \u2013 he would have to tread softly if he was going to get his son to listen to him. \u201cSon–\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cPa, please.\u201d<\/p>\n
Ben raised an eyebrow and waved his glass of brandy. \u201cYou want a glass?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo.\u201d Adam looked up from under frowning brows. \u201cThank you.\u201d The subtle disappointment that flickered in his father\u2019s face made him think that Ben wasn\u2019t going to lecture him, but probably just wanted to talk. He felt a pang of guilt. He hadn\u2019t been home much in the evenings, and he supposed his father missed their conversations. Adam sighed and made a beckoning gesture with his hand. \u201cAll right, I\u2019ll have a little, thanks.\u201d<\/p>\n
Ben retrieved the bottle and a glass and poured out small measure and handed it to Adam. They sat quietly, each watching the fire, and trying to think a way around the subject that was on both their minds. Ben gave up and stated baldy: \u201cAdam, people are talking–\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam rose from his chair and swung his foot up on the hearth. \u201cPeople have been talking for weeks! Gil was hardly cold and they were talking!\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThey don\u2019t know Emily like we do. And they mistake your kindness for affection.\u201d \u201cIt is<\/em> affection!\u201d<\/p>\nBen\u2019s eyebrow rose at this.<\/p>\n
Adam looked sideways at his father and gave an exasperated burst of breath, then sat again, defeated. \u201cThat\u2019s what they see and it\u2019s what makes them suspicious. Again.\u201d He put his elbows on his knees and sank his face into his hands. \u201cWait till they realize she\u2019s pregnant \u2013 then they\u2019ll really have something to talk about.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cEmily\u2019s… pregnant?\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam smiled. His old-fashioned father could hardly get the word out.<\/p>\n
\u201cIs it–\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo!\u201d Adam rubbed a hand over the back of his neck in frustration. \u201cIf you can think that…\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAdam, you leave here at four every day–\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI finish what little work that you let me do and then I have to get out. I can\u2019t spend my life cooped up in this house.\u201d \u201cYou could ride to town.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201c\u201dI don\u2019t want to. Paul didn\u2019t want me drinking in case my back flared up again. I couldn\u2019t sit in those chairs and play poker all night…\u201d He picked up his glass and swirled the contents before tossing off the rest of the drink. \u201cDon\u2019t want those<\/p>\n
saloon girls pawing all over m–; ah, sh\u2014oot–\u201d He saw his father\u2019s scowl and slammed his glass down and rose to his feet.<\/p>\n
Ben stood quickly and faced his son across the coffee table, putting his hands on his hips in an unconscious attempt to cow his oldest boy. \u201cYou will please mind your tongue in this house!\u201d He abruptly shifted tactics, if not intensity. \u201cListen to me, Adam. Don\u2019t do something you\u2019re going to regret later. It\u2019s only a couple weeks \u2018till Christmas and we have plenty to keep us busy around here. Paul\u2019s said that you can start easing into your usual work now — you\u2019ll get back into your old routine and things will seem better.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cSeem<\/em> better, Pa?\u201d<\/p>\nBen searched his son\u2019s face. Adam\u2019s twisted smile told its own story. Dreams deferred, desires sublimated, another man\u2019s claim worked instead of his own. Ben had seen the mounting frustration in the past year. He sometimes felt like he would lose his son completely if something didn\u2019t change. Was he holding on too tight? Was this Adam\u2019s way out? He took a deep breath and looked steadily into his son\u2019s despairing eyes. \u201cNo, will be better, Adam. If what you have here is not what you want, we can do something about that. But Gil\u2019s only been dead a little over a month. Do not take advantage of Emily\u2019s grief and don\u2019t let temporary circumstance push you into a decision that you wouldn\u2019t otherwise make.\u201d<\/p>\n
Anger came into Adam\u2019s eyes. \u201cPa–\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019ve gone through it three times, Adam. Give her and yourself some time, and distance.\u201d \u201cI\u2019m just trying to be her friend!\u201d<\/p>\n
Ben just stared at his son and after a few moments had the dubious satisfaction of seeing color rush into his son\u2019s face, and then ebb as Adam considered his words. He almost spoke and then Ben saw the mask drop into place, emotions tucked neatly behind the fa\u00e7ade of reserve that Adam habitually maintained.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m going to bed,\u201d he said stiffly. \u201cGoodnight, Pa.\u201d<\/p>\n
Ben raised his eyebrows and tried not to look smug. Adam hated to be caught out and they both knew Ben had scored some points in the evening\u2019s argument.<\/p>\n
Adam shook his head in frustration and turned on his heel to lope up the steps. Ben watched his son disappear around the corner, pleased that Paul\u2019s restrictions seemed to have worked. Adam moved gracefully and easily again. If only his restless spirit would follow suit. \u201cGoodnight, son,\u201d Ben whispered. \u201cSweet dreams…\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam did not have sweet dreams. He awoke to twisted, sweat-soaked sheets, and images that had him running a shaking hand over his face. He padded over to his washstand and poured the jug of now-cold water over his head and shoulders. He watched the rivulets of water trickle to a slow drip, but he saw Emily\u2019s face in the moonlit basin, not his own, and he toweled off, trying to wipe the memory of the dream from his mind. He sat on the edge of the bed, remembering the feel of his horse between his legs, straining, running hard, infected by his master\u2019s fear. Pushing through scrub, flying through forest, and finally, being brought down just as he thought he had reached the safety of his own yard. He reached a hand out to pick up his robe and shuddered at the memory of so many hands pulling him off his horse, and so many faces, accusing and angry, ready to string him up for an un-named crime. His father\u2019s \u201cGuilty!\u201d rang in his ears and Emily\u2019s face swam before him again as she kissed him goodbye on the way to his…death? Strong hands pulling at him again, forcing them apart and then he was falling \u2013 that had been when he had woken up, suddenly rolling onto his back and catching himself with a jerk. He threw aside the robe and decided to dress instead. He started to tug on his boots, changed his mind and retrieved the old, soft, square-toed boots he had so happily put in the back of his wardrobe three weeks before when Paul said he could ride again. He and Sport had ridden most of the Buckeye\u2019s fence-line yesterday — the horse definitely deserved his rest, and his new boots, though he hated to admit it, rubbed painfully on his ankles. He briefly wondered where his everyday boots were \u2013 his father\u2019s explanation that they had gone missing somewhere between the Buckeye and the Ponderosa just sounded too pat and he had a sneaking suspicion that his father was still trying to keep him close to home.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
of the crates on the highest shelf. Somewhere was a box of soldiers, long idle after endless battles, retired finally after the last of the Cartwright boys grew out of Grandpa Stoddard\u2019s much-loved and used gift. The fort Adam had so carefully crafted during his convalescence was hidden in the base of his wardrobe. He merely had to re-paint the soldiers in the current Union blue, and the Christmas present for the boys would be ready. He supposed he could cast some more modern artillery, but that would certainly catch his father\u2019s attention, which he had, at great cost, so far been able to avoid.<\/p>\n
He jumped nearly out of his skin as he heard that gravely voice behind him, as if summoned by mere thought. \u201cDo you need help, son?\u201d<\/p>\n
He whirled around guiltily, attempting to quell with a quick, steadying breath the flush that he could feel rushing into his cheeks. \u201cPa! What are you doing up?\u201d<\/p>\n
Ben set down his own lantern and walked towards the shelves and easily found the box Adam had missed. \u201cThis what you were looking for?\u201d He handed the box to his son and watched him shake it gently; they both heard the rattle of the lead soldiers, but he simply waited for his son\u2019s reply.<\/p>\n
\u201cYes, sir. Thank you.\u201d<\/p>\n
Ben smiled a little and picked up Adam\u2019s lantern.<\/p>\n
\u201cIf we\u2019re very quiet, I think Hop Sing won\u2019t mind too much if we eat some of those oatmeal cookies while you muster the company for inspection.\u201d<\/p>\n
There was nothing to do but acquiesce and Adam sheepishly preceded his father out of the room.<\/p>\n
They were settled at the kitchen table, the soft glow from the fire and the oil lamps giving their late-night occupation of the kitchen an air of hominess and respectability that Hop Sing would quickly dispel if he caught them raiding the larder. Adam looked at his father in the warm light and felt twenty-five years fall away, before there was a Hop Sing, when this kitchen was one end of a cabin that served as their base of operations. The soldiers had been on the floor then, spread out on the rag rug \u2013 a child\u2019s retreat into a romantic past, when the present seemed too full of plain hard work. They only came out when his baby brother was asleep. Ben had no wish for the well-made soldiers to be mauled by little teeth and Adam, ever practical, put aside his longing for the treasured toys and agreed to his father\u2019s terms.<\/p>\n
\u201c…maybe ten years, I suppose,\u201d he heard Ben say.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat\u2019s that, Pa?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI said, Joe hasn\u2019t had them out in ten years.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201c\u2019bout that.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI remember you playing with them in this very room, on that rug.\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam smiled. \u201cI think that was a couple of rugs ago.\u201d He picked up another soldier and held it up to the lamp that hung over their heads. He made a clicking noise with his tongue. \u201cThese uniforms are all wrong. War of 1812\u2019s been over a long time.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou thinkin\u2019 they\u2019ll want cavalry?\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam\u2019s eyes flickered to his father\u2019s and back to the soldier again. \u201cYes, if I know my–\u201d he stopped abruptly, realizing how what he was going to say would sound.<\/p>\n
\u201cYour boys?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes. Boys, out here, would want cavalry. I\u2019ll paint these up, and I suppose I could cast more of the horsemen \u2013 guess I could change \u2018em a little \u2013 was thinkin\u2019 of making some modern artillery anyway.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou only have two weeks. You want some help? Hoss is good at casting.\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam looked up at his father from under his brows, not believing that he would give his blessing on the undertaking. \u201cYou want to give your soldiers to Gil\u2019s boys. Do it right. You\u2019ve got the fort made…\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam looked incredulous.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhy do you think I made you lie on the bed in the downstairs bedroom while I bored you to sleep with all those questions on those contracts? I knew every time you went to your room you started working on that fort.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI thought you were just pretending you needed me around here.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI never have to pretend, Adam. We do need you.\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam tipped the box towards him again. \u201cMaybe not as much as you think, Pa,\u201d he said quietly.<\/p>\n
Adam dropped his hand to the table after running it over his face and caught his father studying him over the rim of his coffee cup. His lips quirked into a slight smile as he poured another cup of the hot, stimulating liquid. There was a banging at the front door and he cocked an eyebrow at his youngest brother.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou\u2019re closer,\u201d Joe mumbled, tired himself after a late return from one last check of the fencing on the winter range. \u201cAn\u2019 you laze around all day at Mrs. Ar–\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cJoseph! Get the door.\u201d<\/p>\n
Tight-lipped with annoyance at the continued coddling of his oldest brother, Joe jumped to his feet and answered the door. \u201cMornin\u2019 Joe. Your pa and Adam still around?\u201d<\/p>\n
Ben heard the sheriff and went into the great room to greet his old friend. \u201cWell, Roy, what brings you out here so early? Not business, I hope.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201c\u2018fraid so. Adam \u2013 this concerns you, mostly.\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam exchanged a worried look with Ben. He\u2019d not been brought up on charges for shooting one of the rustlers, but neither had the two survivors paid for Gil\u2019s murder. There had been just enough evidence that they\u2019d been \u2018hornswoggled by the Jepsom boys\u2019 as the judge had put it, to keep the men from even coming to trial.<\/p>\n
\u201cThe Greasleys are back in town.\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam hunched one shoulder against the memory of the pain the men had caused him. \u201cI thought you told them to clear out of town.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThey tried. The stage came on them pretty high up \u2013 their wagon slid off the trail and cracked up on some rocks. Gave \u2018em a ride back here. Don\u2019t expect they\u2019ll be going much anywhere till they can get that wagon down and fixed. I want you to stay outa Virginia City, Adam, till they leave again.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThat could be weeks if there\u2019s a bad snow, sheriff.\u201d Hoss\u2019s brows scrunched together. Adam had been grouchy as an old bear during his recovery, prowling around the house as soon as he felt better, chafing against the restrictions the doc had placed on him. The prospect of having him tied to the ranch for a few more weeks had Hoss considering helping the Greasley brothers, much as he\u2019d just as soon pound them into the ground.<\/p>\n
Adam smiled a little at the dismay on Hoss\u2019s face. He knew he\u2019d been difficult. \u201cI think I can find enough to keep me occupied–\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cLike spendin\u2019 the day ridin\u2019 fence over at the Armingers\u2019 like ya did yestaday?\u201d Adam colored a little and dropped his eyes to the floor.<\/p>\n
\u201cRidin\u2019 fence!–\u201d Ben shook his head in disgust and jerked a thumb towards the dining room table. \u201cHave seat, Roy, while we finish breakfast. Hop\u2014 \u201d He stopped as he realized Hop Sing was already behind him with another place setting and a plate of donuts.<\/p>\n
Roy grinned at the sight. \u201cDon\u2019t mind if I do. Already et, but I won\u2019t miss the chance to have one of Hop Sing\u2019s donuts.\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam toyed with his cup, feeling his father\u2019s gaze on him, and unwilling to face the question in his eyes, and the concern. He hadn\u2019t lied about where he\u2019d been, but he hadn\u2019t been explicit about what he was doing, either. He cleared his throat and turned to Roy.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou trying to protect me or them, Roy?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBoth, I \u2018spose. Now, I don\u2019t want none of you thinkin\u2019 there\u2019s anything left to be done. I just want them ta get out and over those mountains, peaceful-like. You stay away from them, Adam.\u201d He waved his spoon at Joe. \u201cYou, too, Joe, or I\u2019ll lock the lot o\u2019 you up in jail till they\u2019re gone.\u201d<\/p>\n
Ben glowered, but after Adam\u2019s reaction to simple gossip, he thought Roy\u2019s warning appropriate. He nodded to his two younger boys. \u201cHoss, Joe \u2013 you want to get started on those chores?\u201d<\/p>\n
They looked at their father\u2019s grim face and suddenly decided the chores seemed very urgent. \u201cSure, Pa.\u201d Hoss\u2019s stolen glance at his older brother only confirmed his feeling that he was getting the easier end of things.<\/p>\n
Adam broke the silence first. \u201cYou have someone following me, Roy?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYep.\u201d<\/p>\n
The bald statement brought Adam\u2019s head up.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou been mighty busy over there.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cEddie just needs someone to tell \u2018im that what he\u2019s doing is right.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYeah, weeell, it seems like you\u2019ve been doin\u2019 a lot a tellin\u2019. Folks is talkin\u2019.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cLet \u2018em talk.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThey hear you\u2019re mighty quick with a gun, and good at turnin\u2019 a lady\u2019s head.\u201d<\/p>\n
Ben sat straight at this and glared at his old friend.<\/p>\n
\u201cAnyone who knows Adam–\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThat\u2019s just it, Ben. There\u2019s a lot a new folks in town that don\u2019t know Adam that well.\u201d<\/p>\n
Bright, clear blue. A chill breeze across his face. A dull ache that seemed to spread from his hairline to the back of his neck. Adam realized he was flat on his back on the ground. What was he doing lying in the middle of the road? He groaned and raised a hand to the back of his head.<\/p>\n
\u201cHere, I wet my \u2018kerchief for that.\u201d Gentle hands pressed a cold wet cloth against the ache and Adam groaned again. He opened one eye and squinted to look up at the familiar face that went with the voice.<\/p>\n
\u201cClem…your turn today? Kinda fell down on the job, huh?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cFunny, Adam. If you hadn\u2019t been playing games I would have been closer.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cShoulda taken another detour, \u2018cept I guess it wouldn\u2019t have kept me from eventually riding into that wire \u2013 that\u2019s what it was, wasn\u2019t it?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYep.\u201d Clem sat back on his heels. \u201cYou didn\u2019t break anything that I can tell, but that\u2019s a nice sized knot yer growing.\u201d Adam rubbed at his temples in a vain attempt to relieve the pounding ache that had settled there. \u201cHow long was I out?\u201d \u201cCouple minutes, near as I can tell. You weren\u2019t that far ahead of me.\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam tried to sit up and Clem extended an arm to steady him. \u201cI know where you were going \u2013 when were you supposed to be there? She waitin\u2019 for you?\u201d<\/p>\n
The scowl that he got in reply made him want to laugh. \u201cAdam, there\u2019s more than me that knows you\u2019re courtin\u2019 the widow, no matter if you stay off the roads.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m not–\u201d The gasp that followed the explosive words made Clem pause in pulling his friend to his feet. His eyes narrowed as he watched Adam take stock of his condition and dust himself off.<\/p>\n
\u201cI know — you ride over here every day for the fresh air and exercise,\u201d he said dryly.<\/p>\n
Adam gingerly settled his hat on his head and made his way over to his horse and dragged himself onto Sport\u2019s back. \u201cYeah, well, you keep this quiet for me and I\u2019ll stop making your babysitting duties so hard.\u201d<\/p>\n
Clem grinned as he swung into the saddle. \u201cSomehow I can\u2019t see you lettin\u2019 me hold your hand on the way over here every day. Why don\u2019t you just marry her \u2013 then Roy can just post a guard near the Buckeye. Heck \u2013 Mz. Arminger\u2019s got a mighty fine bunkhouse–\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cClem–\u201d Adam interrupted. \u201cYeah, Adam?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cShut up.\u201d<\/p>\n
Clem grinned and urged his horse to match Sport\u2019s faster pace.<\/p>\n
Adam hadn\u2019t in the end been able to hide his fall from anyone. The very real fear behind Emily\u2019s scolding, Ben\u2019s yelling (that only made his head hurt all the more,) and the sheriff\u2019s quiet conference with Clem, gave him little pause. Despite the doctor\u2019s insistence that he stay quiet for twenty four hours, he was out the door that night right after dinner, saddling Sport with a dogged determination to return to the Arminger ranch. Roy and Clem didn\u2019t expect him to leave the Ponderosa and hadn\u2019t assigned anyone to watch him that night.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou gonna tell me what\u2019s been bothering you? Are you still upset about this afternoon?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo. But you\u2019re an idiot for riding over here again.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThere\u2019s something not right about those miscreants bein\u2019 back here. I don\u2019t believe that wagon \u2018fell\u2019 off that mountain.\u201d \u201cI have Slim and Eddie, Adam. You can\u2019t be here all the time in any case. You\u2019re not–\u201d She stopped and looked away.<\/p>\n
\u201cI know,\u201d Adam said softly.<\/p>\n
Emily stared out at the darkness for a moment. \u201cI still can\u2019t believe he\u2019s gone. I keep expecting him to ride up and kid you again about wasting his wife\u2019s time with Shakespeare when she\u2019d be better off feedin\u2019 the chickens or tending the goats.\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam smiled a little at the memory. The night was cold, and his head was hurting again: he supposed he should go home, but they were taking a few moments to sit by themselves. The lights were dim in the house behind them, and one solitary lamp glowed on the porch of the bunkhouse. The sky was still clear and the stars glittered brightly against their black velvet backdrop. He looked over at Emily, sitting so still and self-contained in the darkness, and wondered if her words meant something more than a simple reminiscence. \u201cAs I recall, the chickens were in their coop and the goats were in the shed, the kids were in bed, and Gil was supposed to meet me here.\u201d He reached out a hand to hold hers and bring her to her feet. He looked down into her face, trying to read her expression in the faint light of the stars.<\/p>\n
\u201cDo you wish you hadn\u2019t \u2018wasted\u2019 time with me?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo! It wouldn\u2019t have bought me any more time with Gil. You filled a moment, here and there…made me remember that there was a world out there beyond cows…\u201d She smiled suddenly. \u201cYou even got that homebody husband of mine to take me into Virginia City a few times when I know he didn\u2019t really want to go. I never properly thanked you for that, Adam. I think Gil enjoyed it…\u201d she looked at the ground and her voice broke \u201c–once he was there.\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam stood very still, wanting to take her in his arms, but unsure as she seemed to draw into herself and away from him again.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat is it, Emily? Something else is on your mind tonight.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI…it\u2019s nothing.\u201d She turned and walked around him, only stopping to lean her arms on the empty corral. The animals were all bedded down in the barn, drowsing in the cozy warmth of the well-built building. Another thing that Adam had helped them with. She felt, rather than heard, Adam come up behind her.<\/p>\n
\u201cDo you want to tell me about it?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI don\u2019t know.\u201d She turned to him and looked up into his face, only a shadowy outline against the night sky. \u201cI don\u2019t know if it is something that needs saying. Maybe there are some things you should know, but I think I just need time to work things out in my mind, and my heart.\u201d<\/p>\n
He remembered what his father had said the night before and thought he understood. \u201cDo you want me to leave?\u201d \u201cNo.\u201d She turned from him again and looked over the yard to the trees beyond.<\/p>\n
\u201cI know I should have expected something like this, but somehow you\u2019re never ready, ever, are you?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo,\u201d Adam whispered, closing his eyes against the vision of an arrow piercing calico fabric, blood and tears, and a still face that would never again light his morning or comfort him after a hard day on the trail. The trill of laughter and energy that was Marie, so abruptly cut off one bright day in a rush of hooves, a scared whinny and the impact of his step-mother\u2019s slight form on the ground, shattering their family just as surely as her body.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou\u2019re never ready.\u201d He took a deep breath. \u201cYou just find the wherewithal to go on \u2013 kids, life \u2013 pulls you back.\u201d<\/p>\n
She turned to him, hearing the pain in his voice. She thought about his losses, and the strength Ben described in his son, even as he tried to protect him. \u201cAre you life, Adam?\u201d<\/p>\n
Something flickered in the dark-shadowed eyes. \u201cYes,\u201d he said softly.<\/p>\n
She thought for a moment that he was going to kiss her, but he rolled his shoulders straight and pulled back. \u201cWhen you\u2019re ready.\u201d<\/p>\n
She gazed up into his face, a small part of her ready for what he was offering, but knowing it was Gil that filled her thoughts, not the man before her. He knew it too, as much as he might wish differently. She shivered, finally feeling the cold air, and the careful distance his words had put between them. She realized she had never answered his question; but that could wait. She put a hand out in silent agreement, wanting more, but accepting that he was right.<\/p>\n
Adam took her hand and pulled it through his arm, guiding her towards the house. They stood in the pool of light from the porch lamp. He wanted to take away the loneliness and grief he saw in her face, but he knew it would only be a temporary palliative against the pain. His deliberate movements carried a purpose that his father would have approved of and he turned to seek his own home with a clear conscience.<\/p>\n
Emily leaned against the closed door and listened to Adam\u2019s retreating footsteps. Adam. She raised a shaking hand to where he had stroked her cheek. Just as Gil had so often. Gil was gone, though, forever. Her body shook as she fought tears. She felt Adam\u2019s arms around her again, the light kiss on her forehead, and the gentle touch on her back as he propelled her through the door before they did something they\u2019d both regret. She wanted to fling open the door and run after him \u2013 catch him before he retrieved his horse. She didn\u2019t know if she could face another night alone. Another morning with that empty place at the head of the table. She straightened and pulled off her cloak. Adam was<\/em> right, and he deserved more than to simply fill an empty space in her life. She had promised Ben she wouldn\u2019t use him to run her ranch; she promised herself that she wouldn\u2019t use him to dull the ache in her heart.<\/p>\n~~<\/p>\n
Joe\u2019s wild giggle and Adam\u2019s shout rang through the first floor, bringing Ben around the corner from his bedroom to yell at his boys. \u2018Boys,\u2019 he thought. \u2018Not boys. Now what are they up to?\u2019<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat are you doing now?\u201d he shouted, relief at the sound of his eldest son\u2019s voice warring with the desire to laugh at the sight of Adam heavily dusted with a white powder. A light cloth was lying on the floor next to what appeared to be the balance of the powdery substance, and he tried not to smile. Bored, and going a little stir-crazy from being trapped inside much of the time, Joe had taken to tormenting Adam, who was bearing up under the teasing remarkably well. There was a suppressed excitement about him lately that had his brothers nonplussed, but it took Ben back fifteen years to when Adam had known he would be going back east for college. After breakfast every morning he headed back up to his room and worked on something very secretively. When possible, the sleigh, looking better taken care of than it had in years, came out, and Adam headed out to give Emily a break from her three little bundles of energy. Not another word of censure crossed Ben\u2019s lips as he watched his son\u2019s more temperate actions over the weeks. His enforced exile from town didn\u2019t even seem to bother him and there had been no further \u2018accidents\u2019 with Roy keeping the Greasleys practically on house arrest and Clem\u2019s prescient shadowing of his movements. Ben started to resume his descent, but changed his mind, shaking his head as he turned to go back up the steps.<\/p>\n
\u201cJoe! You are just asking for it–\u201d<\/p>\n
There was a crash and another giggle. Hop Sing came out of the kitchen and yelled and Ben headed for the sanctuary of his bedroom.<\/p>\n
\u201cDad-blame \u2013 would you two–\u201d Ben closed his door against Hoss\u2019s rumbling complaint. There was a thud and Joe\u2019s giggle was cut off abruptly as he was ejected from the house.<\/p>\n
\u201cHey! Let me in!\u201d<\/p>\n
Ben sighed and wished for spring. He picked up the ledger he had been studying and wondered what Adam had found \u2013 he had plans that he thought would please his oldest boy, but needed to know how the herd stood. There was a light knock on the door and he heard a low \u201cPa?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cCome.\u201d<\/p>\n
He smiled as he looked at Adam. His usually calm and self-contained son\u2019s face was flushed, and he was looking decidedly pleased with himself. The black hair, despite a good brushing, still showed traces of flour, and the black-shirted shoulders looked as if he had been on the trail for weeks. \u201cHow\u2019d things look?\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam closed the door and leaned against it. \u201cGood. If this weather holds, I think we\u2019ll have a very good year.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cGood, good,\u201d Ben said a little too enthusiastically.<\/p>\n
Adam looked up from under his brows. \u201cRoy was with Clem today.\u201d<\/p>\n
Ben looked down at his ledger and grunted. \u201cOh?\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam stared at the top of his father\u2019s head, too tired to play games. His malicious satisfaction with putting Joe out of the house was fading and he\u2019d used up on his brother what little patience he had left after a long hard day. \u201cPa?\u201d<\/p>\n
Ben very carefully did not look up. \u201cHmm?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIf I\u2019m to be bait I\u2019d like to be told.\u201d He ran his fingers through his hair and looked at the resulting flour on his hand with disgust. He had just had a bath the night before and Joe knew it. \u201cI didn\u2019t much like having the two of them trailing after me without a word about why they both were there. I mean, what\u2019s the point? If the Greasleys want to take a shot at me, having them two along ain\u2019t gonna help. \u2018Cept they could get the doc quicker.\u201d He crossed his arms high on his chest. \u201cI\u2019m thinkin\u2019 Roy let it be known he wouldn\u2019t be in town today–\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHe had his reasons, son,\u201d Ben stated firmly, hoping to allay his son\u2019s inquisitiveness. Roy had wanted him to be subtle when he sent Adam out to survey the herds, and as the request had fit in with Ben\u2019s plans, he had controlled his own curiosity as he dispatched his eldest on the errand.<\/p>\n
Adam\u2019s eyes narrowed, but he saw little guile and no fear in his father\u2019s eyes. Whatever he was keeping back seemed positive, not threatening, so he relaxed a little and started to wonder what his father was up to. Roy was another matter. He was inclined to break his quarantine and pay his old friend a visit. Maybe on his own turf the old codger would let something slip. Or maybe there was some talk in town that would give him some idea of what he was up against. He realized that he\u2019d been in his own little world for almost two months, effectively putting out of his mind anything beyond the Ponderosa and the Buckeye. He pulled himself away from the door and shrugged his shoulders. \u201cAll right. I\u2019ll let it slide for now…\u201d<\/p>\n
Ben grimaced. \u201cLet Roy do his job, son.\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam froze in the motion of reaching for the door. His face still and taut, he raised his eyes to his father\u2019s. \u201cYeah,\u201d he said softly, \u201cI suppose I should do that, for once.\u201d<\/p>\n
Ben stood abruptly, but Adam was gone. \u201cAdam\u201d died on his lips and he mentally chastised himself for phrasing the issue so clumsily. Adam had reached a kind of acceptance that there was little he could have done differently the night Gil died. He no longer seemed driven to make up for his self-perceived error, but Ben wondered how much it would take to tip him back into the sadness that had marked his first few weeks back home.<\/p>\n
Adam seemed to have shaken off his megrims by supper-time. Even rounding the corner from getting a snack in the kitchen to find his father in a quiet conference with Roy hadn\u2019t shaken his good mood. Roy (and Clem, he assumed), were long gone when he heaped a third helping of mashed potatoes on his plate under the amazed gaze of his father and brothers. He\u2019d been ticking along through the conversation with the same good humor that had marked the previous few weeks when he realized that everyone was watching him, and he paused with his fork half-way to his mouth. He swallowed what was already in his mouth and raised his eyebrows. \u201cWhat?\u201d<\/p>\n
Joe snickered and waved his own fork at his bigger brothers. \u201cYou keep on like that, Adam, and you\u2019ll be as big as Hoss, an\u2019 I don\u2019t mean you\u2019re gonna gain a coupl\u2019a inches that way,\u201d he said, waving the fork up and down.<\/p>\n
Adam grunted. \u201cFood\u2019s good. Almost as good as–\u201d He saw Hop Sing come around the corner and shut his lips firmly.<\/p>\n
\u201cAlmost as good, bah. You never here to eat \u2013 you like her food so much, you go there and eat,\u201d Hop Sing grumbled as he ran his eye over the table one last time before starting on the kitchen clean-up.<\/p>\n
\u201cHop Sing, you know I like your cooking–\u201d<\/p>\n
Joe cut in with a crack of laughter. \u201cYou just ain\u2019t as pretty as that cook they got over at the Buckeye.\u201d \u201cJoseph!\u201d<\/p>\n
Joe smothered a giggle and Hoss kept his head down except for a quick look at Adam\u2019s reddening cheeks. Darting a glance at his father, he lifted his head in surprise at the worry he saw there.<\/p>\n
Hop Sing sniffed and retreated back into the kitchen, shaking his head at the youngest Cartwright\u2019s artless truth-telling.<\/p>\n
Adam glared at his brother and then shifted his gaze to his father, catching the end of the worried look that crossed Ben\u2019s features. He took another bite of his roast beef, but the meal seemed suddenly tasteless. He eyed his father speculatively as he reviewed the partly overheard conversation he\u2019d interrupted between Roy and his father. What he had shaken off before as his imagination made him come to a conclusion he didn\u2019t like, and he forced himself to speak evenly to test the<\/p>\n
unwelcome theory that was forming in his mind. \u201cYou know, Pa, I was thinkin\u2019 that we might have Emily and the boys over for Sunday dinner. They haven\u2019t been anywhere in a couple of weeks, with Matthew having that cough.\u201d<\/p>\n
Ben raised his eyebrows and continued to chew his roast beef.<\/p>\n
Adam cleared his throat and tried again. \u201cI thought maybe we could meet at church and bring them home…\u201d He trailed off as his father frowned.<\/p>\n
\u201cRoy didn\u2019t say you could go back to church and under the circumstances, I don\u2019t think you and Emily–\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAw, Pa. Adam cain\u2019t stay outta town forever,\u201d said Hoss, not wanting to interrupt and not waiting to see what exactly his father was getting at, but seeing his brother\u2019s body tense up and his fingers tighten on his glass reflexively. \u201cNothing can happen at church.\u201d<\/p>\n
Ben looked at Adam, startled by the anger he saw in his son\u2019s face. Adam shoved his plate aside and stood abruptly. \u201cEmily and I what? What exactly did Roy tell you, Pa? I have to keep skulking over there mid-week? I can\u2019t take the boys to town and pick up the mail? I can\u2019t show my face in town and find out what\u2019s really going on? What are they saying? That I maybe wasn\u2019t so careful with Gil\u2019s life as I should have been? The more Christian ones are thinking that and the others that I just out and out set the whole thing up? And what magic power does Emily have that I would do all this? Is it the baby?\u201d<\/p>\n
Joe\u2019s mouth hung open at his brother\u2019s outburst, but Adam wasn\u2019t finished. He could see the confirmation of his suspicions in his father\u2019s face. He threw his napkin down. \u201cI guess I don\u2019t need to go to church; it\u2019s written all over your face.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBaby?\u201d Joe whispered, confused. Hoss shook his head and Joe subsided, fearful that the storm would break over his head next.<\/p>\n
\u201cYes, baby, Joe,\u201d Adam hissed. \u201cAnd apparently it\u2019s mine.\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam turned from the table and headed for the front door, anger and exasperation rolling off of him with every quick step. \u201cAdam–\u201d Ben started, rising quickly from his chair.<\/p>\n
\u201cLeave me alone, Pa. I doubt if I\u2019d…\u201d Their voices faded to an indistinct shouting as Ben closed the front door behind them.<\/p>\n
Joe sat, pole-axed by the news that his brother was going to be a father. He whistled. \u201cAll of Pa\u2019s jawing at me and then Adam goes and–\u201d<\/p>\n
Hoss looked up from examining his fingernails and cut off his brother. \u201cYou watch yer mouth, youngin\u2019. You don\u2019t know nothin\u2019.\u201d<\/p>\n
Joe\u2019s cheeks colored and he jutted out his jaw. \u201cI know enough that it ain\u2019t–\u201d<\/p>\n
Hoss rubbed his fingernails on his vest and interrupted his brother again. \u201cLittle brother, you say that agin, an\u2019 I\u2019m gonna make sure you don\u2019t say nothin\u2019 more tonight.\u201d He stretched and called out for Hop Sing. \u201cWhere\u2019s that coffee and pie?\u201d<\/p>\n
Hop Sing came shuffling down the hall, muttering again. He\u2019d nearly dropped the tray he was preparing when the front door slammed. \u201cYelling, yelling, always yelling.\u201d<\/p>\n
Hoss grinned and helped himself to a slice, ignoring the Chinaman\u2019s complaints. \u201cThat\u2019s a fine lookin\u2019 pie, Hop Sing. Good meal, too.\u201d Somewhat mollified, Hop Sing handed him a cup of coffee. \u201cThanks.\u201d<\/p>\n
Joe watched this byplay, incredulous that his middle brother could be so calm in the midst of such goings on. He frowned uncertainly. Even Hoss wasn\u2019t that imperturbable.<\/p>\n
\u201cHoss, what\u2019s going on?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWell,\u201d Hoss said, snatching another piece of pie, \u201cI\u2019d say that our brother is making his will known. Don\u2019t think he\u2019s gonna take this one lyin\u2019 down.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat are you talking about?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cOl\u2019 Adam\u2019ll be just about fit ta bust if he don\u2019t get what he wants this time.\u201d \u2018We\u2019ll just see if he\u2019s man enough to stand up to Pa and Roy and get it,\u2019 he thought privately, not wanting to encourage any similar rebellion in his younger brother. There was a time and a place for everything, and this was Adam\u2019s time.<\/p>\n
\u201cAnd what\u2019s that?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHuh?\u201d Hoss asked, his thoughts still on his older brother. He focused on a bewildered Joe. \u201cOh. Mz. Emily.\u201d \u201cHe\u2019s already got her. I mean, I guess they have to get married–\u201dHoss shook his head. \u201cIf you don\u2019t keep off that, Joe, I\u2019m gonna–\u201d \u201cWhat\u2019re ya all mad at me about? I didn\u2019t go and get a baby–.\u201d<\/p>\n
Maybe bound and gagged wasn\u2019t a bad way for Joe to play a nice, calm game of checkers. At least it was harder for Joe to cheat, Hoss reflected, although he didn\u2019t know about that last move. Seemed like Joe might be just as adept at a quick nudge with his nose as with his fingers.<\/p>\n
Adam stalked away from his father, his long strides eating up the space between the house and the barn. He retrieved his tack in silence, his mind on which horse he would take, and blocking out what his father was saying.<\/p>\n
\u201c\u2014 you going now?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cGettin\u2019 a horse, Pa.\u201d He rifled through his pockets in frustration as he crossed to the paddock where some of the horses had been left out for the night. He\u2019d brought nothing for the mouth that would take the bit, and settled for making clicking noises that would hopefully lure one of the horses over. Palladin moved toward him and he was glad he\u2019d spent so much time with the horse while recovering from his back injury. \u201cHey, boy, you thinking I have something for ya? Nothin\u2019 tonight \u2013 just work.\u201d The big black was almost a match for Chubb and his thick winter coat was smooth under Adam\u2019s hand as he fastened the throatlatch and gave the horse a quick stroke down his neck. The horse backed up a step as Ben stepped closer to his son to pick up his scolding where he\u2019d left off.<\/p>\n
\u201cDon\u2019t take him \u2013 he\u2019s still too skittish,\u201d he said automatically.<\/p>\n
\u201cI been working with him \u2013 Joe, too,\u201d Adam said, settling the saddle over the soft blanket he\u2019d put on first. \u201cI was thinkin\u2019 of selling him.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo!\u201d<\/p>\n
Ben raised an eyebrow.<\/p>\n
Adam finished fastening the girth and muttered, \u201cI\u2019ll take him with me if you don\u2019t want him. I\u2019ll buy him from you.\u201d<\/p>\n
Ben reached out and laid his hand on one stiff shoulder. \u201cYou don\u2019t have to buy anything from me,\u201d he said, his voice husky. \u201cWhen the time comes…\u201d He stopped, his words sounding hollow even to his own ears. That time was now. His boy was going to leave, tonight, whether he wanted him to or not. He realized that he was the one that wasn\u2019t ready \u2013 he\u2019d built the last few years on sand, and it was shifting under him, even as he tried to walk the same old path. Things often changed, he acknowledged with a shake of his head, so quickly, in the blink of an eye almost \u2013 no one should know better than he.<\/p>\n
Adam finished adjusting the saddle and Ben pulled his son around into his arms and hugged the surprised boy, putting him away from him after a moment to smile ruefully \u2013 up? \u2013 when had it become up? \u2013 into the gold-brown eyes. \u201cYou be careful \u2013 you\u2019re my only oldest son. An\u2019 I don\u2019t want to have to raise that boy of \u2018yours\u2019 for you \u2013 I\u2019ve done my time.\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam\u2019s expression softened and he smiled slightly. \u201cIf he could come now, that would solve half my problems \u2013 he won\u2019t look a thing like me, if the others are anything to go by.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cPositive proof?\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam nodded. \u201cNegative proof, more like, but not soon enough. I need to put a stop to this right now. The Greasleys don\u2019t know enough about me an\u2019 Emily to start such a rumor. Roy can take care of them, but Emily and I are gonna have to live with these people, and I don\u2019t want there to be any stain on her name, *any* question about our marriage.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou asked her to marry you?\u201d Ben asked, surprised.<\/p>\n
Adam looked down at the reins in his hand. \u201cNot in so many words, but yes, she knows what I want. Has since a coupla weeks before Christmas.\u201d<\/p>\n
Ben mentally reviewed the past few months and realized that things had been much more serious than even he had thought. \u201cAdam –\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThe rest is between Em an\u2019 me,\u201d he said firmly, and turned to swing into the saddle. He reached down to grasp his father\u2019s hand. \u201cThanks, Pa. And don\u2019t worry so much. I\u2019ll be back tomorrow some time.\u201d<\/p>\n
He pulled the horse around and urged him forward, going at a canter around the side of the barn, leaving a suddenlybereft Ben behind.<\/p>\n
Adam’s defiant \u201cLet them talk\u201d of two months ago rang in his ears as he galloped Palladin toward the Buckeye. He\u2019d let himself be lulled by distance and isolation into accepting Roy\u2019s dictates, and trusted in people\u2019s innate fairness to erase the whisperings of a malicious few. It was one thing to accuse him of being too quick to comfort Emily, or even that he\u2019d let Gil get killed, quite another to accuse her of being a loose woman. The snatches of conversation that he\u2019d overheard \u2013 \u201c\u2014keep him out, or he\u2019ll use a gun to repair that reputation \u2013\u201d made him angry all over again and drove him to push the horse hard through the dark night. He pulled up a little when he realized what he was doing. He\u2019d be no good to Emily dead. He began to wonder if such precipitous action was warranted, but then decided that it must be tonight, before Ben had a chance to warn Roy. But first, he needed Emily\u2019s permission…<\/p>\n
It seemed to him forever before he pulled up at the edge of the yard. It was late to be calling, and he didn\u2019t want to startle Slim or Eddie into taking a shot at him. He made sure he made plenty of noise as he approached the pool of light from the bunkhouse porch lamp. Tying Paladin to the rail in front of the bunkhouse, he mounted the steps to the porch and knocked on the door. \u201cEddie?\u201d<\/p>\n
The door swung open cautiously. \u201cMr. Cartwright?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes \u2013 I need to talk to Mrs. Arminger \u2013 just wanted to let you know I\u2019ll be here for a while.\u201d<\/p>\n
Eddie stared at him for a moment and then seemed to come to a decision. \u201cYou want me to put up your horse?\u201d Adam looked at him coolly. \u201cNo \u2013 just loosen his girth and put him in the barn.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAdam?\u201d Emily stood on her toes, looking over Adam\u2019s shoulder to see if there was anyone with him. She had on a white nightgown and robe, a startling change to Adam\u2019s eyes after months of unrelieved black, and small curls were escaping the loose braid that hung down her back. \u201cWhat\u2019s wrong?\u201d she asked, her eyes running over him in concern.<\/p>\n
He smiled briefly. \u201cI\u2019m fine. I\u2019m sorry to bother you so late. May I come in?\u201d<\/p>\n
She unconsciously clutched the lapels of her robe together and backed away from the door, nodding her puzzled assent. \u201cYes, of course.\u201d<\/p>\n
He stood for a moment, feeling over-large and awkward standing over her in the small foyer, and it suddenly came to him that this is how Hoss must feel always. He realized she wasn\u2019t wearing any shoes, or slippers for that matter, which made their height difference all the greater. \u201cYou really are short stuff, aren\u2019t you,\u201d he blurted out against sudden shyness, all at once afraid that his errand wouldn\u2019t be successful.<\/p>\n
\u201cI am not,\u201d she said emphatically, but relaxing a little. Maybe he hadn\u2019t come with bad news, but something was obviously bothering him. \u201cYou\u2019re just overgrown. Seems a common Cartwright failing. Come back to the kitchen. I\u2019ll give you something to warm all that up,\u201d she offered, waving her hand to indicate his size.<\/p>\n
He wrinkled his nose at her, disposing of his hat and coat. \u201cFirst Joe gets on me for eatin\u2019 too much and then \u2013\u201d<\/p>\n
She looked over her shoulder, smiling. \u201cHush \u2013 you were the one who called me short. Now you sit down right there,\u201d she said, \u201cand I\u2019ll start a fresh pot of coffee.\u201d<\/p>\n
He caught at her hand. \u201cEmily, I need to talk to you.\u201d<\/p>\n
She smiled down at him gently. \u201cI know, Adam. But whatever has you in a tizzy will seem better after you\u2019ve had a nice hot cup of coffee.\u201d<\/p>\n
He opened his mouth to protest, but she ignored him and turned to prepare the beverage.<\/p>\n
He got up and paced the room, finally stopping by the window to look out at the field at the side of the house. In two weeks it would have to be plowed and he vaguely wondered if Emily had someone lined up to do it. She had always taken care of the home garden, but Gil had done all of the heavy work. Spring was almost on them and he realized that he would have had to make some move soon anyway. Their winter idyll couldn\u2019t last, no matter what was going on in town. He turned from the window to watch Emily work. Her movements sure from long practice, she prepared the coffee with the efficiency that he had always admired.<\/p>\n
about you use all that bulk to add some wood to the fire while I go find my slippers? It\u2019s getting chilly in here.\u201d \u201cYes, ma\u2019am,\u201d he said meekly.<\/p>\n
She took longer than he had thought she would, but she finally appeared, flushed and annoyed, hair looser than ever. She ran a hand over the escaped curls and, taking a deep breath, waved an obviously chewed slipper at him. \u201cThis is all your fault. \u2018I\u2019ll get \u2018em a pup,\u2019\u201d she mimicked. \u201c\u2018\u2014 it\u2019ll give \u2018em somethin\u2019 else to think about…\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n
He grinned, and, stepping close to her, gently pulled the damaged slipper from her grasp. \u201cI\u2019m sorry. Shall I buy you another pair? I hadn\u2019t realized I\u2019d introduced a thief into the house.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThief, beggar, and he seems to bring most of the yard in with him. Whatever possessed you to\u2013\u201d<\/p>\n
He smiled indulgently and pulled her into his arms. \u201cCrosspatch,\u201d he whispered, bending to place a light kiss on her lips. \u201cI didn\u2019t come here for a scold.\u201d<\/p>\n
She pushed against his chest, but he merely tightened his hold on her. \u201cWhat did you come here for, Adam?\u201d she asked, her eyes searching his face. He had appeared worried and unsure earlier, but her scolding seemed to have settled him into his more usual self-possession. He\u2019d never been dishonest about his feelings and had kissed her a few times, letting her know that he meant more than simple friendship, but he\u2019d never been this aggressive. The patient reserve and unwavering kindness of the past three months was gone: she read determination in his face as his lips returned to hers, and her stomach did a flip that had nothing to do with the baby.<\/p>\n
When he released her at last it was only to hold her tightly to him. It seemed he was seeking comfort and she laid her head against his chest, leaving her query unvoiced. She ran her hands up his back and sighed to catch her breath. Richard had certainly never kissed her so, and Gil had been gently passionate. Adam was as forceful as his family was boisterous, and she vaguely wondered what she had gotten herself into. He wasn\u2019t Gil, and never would be, but neither had Gil been poor Richard. \u2018Poor Richard.\u2019 How often had she thought of him that way. He\u2019d never had a chance at all: his life had been snuffed out before he\u2019d had any chance to make his mark on the world. She remembered what Adam had said about life. It must go on. Here was the living, breathing epitome of life beneath her cheek. Gil was gone, as Richard had been for years. She had loved them both, but she knew she loved this man also, one who had been her friend and from whom she now wanted more…<\/p>\n
Adam put her away from him slightly and looked seriously into her eyes. \u201cI need to ask you something. I need your permission to… to say that we are courting, and,\u201d he cleared his throat in embarrassment, \u201cthat we are not having an affair\u2014\u201d He stopped at the sight of the slow, gentle smile that spread across her face.<\/p>\n
\u201cIs that all that is bothering you? Haven\u2019t they found anyone else to talk about in all these weeks?\u201d<\/p>\n
The world righted itself and things no longer seemed so grim in the face of her calm acceptance of his news. \u201cNo. Apparently we\u2019re the winter\u2019s entertainment.\u201d His answering smile faded. \u201cWould you be serious for a moment?\u201d<\/p>\n
She straightened her features into a semblance of sobriety. \u201cYes, sir,\u201d she said, too meekly. He gave her a look of such exasperation that she giggled. \u201cIf I don\u2019t care \u2013 \u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou should care. You don\u2019t know what it is like to live your life under a cloud. I won\u2019t have our marriage start out that way.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cMarriage? Who said anything about marriage? I thought I would keep you around just as general household help.\u201d \u201cEmily!\u201d<\/p>\n
She sobered and ran a finger across his cheekbone and down to his jaw. \u201cYou will not go to town, Adam Cartwright. I do not intend to lose another fianc\u00e9, or husband. You do not have my permission to speak to anyone about us. I suppose six months mourning will have to do — then you may marry me, if you still wish it, but I won\u2019t be a party to you getting yourself killed, and that\u2019s what will happen if you go into Virginia City.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cEmily, you don\u2019t understand.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes, I do, Adam. I understand your pride and your stubbornness. You\u2019ve been given a full measure of those Cartwright failings, and I won\u2019t see them destroy what you\u2019ve been working so hard at these past few months.\u201d<\/p>\n
He smiled ruefully at her, taking in the loose curls glinting in the light of the fire, and her determined grey eyes. \u201cAnd what is that?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBuilding a family,\u201d she whispered. \u201cLifting me out of despair. Loving Gil\u2019s boys and turning their hearts to you.\u201d She pulled away from him and he let her go, sensing a real seriousness in her.<\/p>\n
\u201cI never told you,\u201d she started, staring into the fire, \u201cwhat it was I kept from you…\u201d He stepped close to her, but kept his hands at his sides, waiting for her to continue.She took a deep breath and tried again. \u201cWhen I woke up next to you that first night, I…I wished Gil hadn\u2019t died, that if it had to one of you… And then I felt guilty, all those weeks, taking your help, especially when your father told me not to…\u201d<\/p>\n
He took her in his arms then and kissed the top of her head. \u201cThat\u2019s what’s been bothering you?\u201d he asked softly. He tipped her chin up to make her look into his eyes. \u201cThose feelings are natural. I had no children, no attachments that you knew of, and you loved Gil. As for my father, well, I wish he would stop meddling in my business, but why I ever expected him not to \u2014\u201d<\/p>\n
She laughed through teary eyes. \u201cOh, Adam, when did a Cartwright ever think something was not <\/em>his business?\u201d<\/p>\n\u201cYou needn\u2019t catalog all of the Cartwright character deficiencies in one night…\u201d He groaned at the invitation in her eyes and pulled her closer. \u201cI promised myself I wouldn\u2019t take advantage of you \u2013 \u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWho said anything about \u2018taking advantage,\u2019\u201d she whispered as his lips came down on hers.<\/p>\n
Adam shrugged into his coat and lifted his hat off one of the hooks. \u201cNo more arguing, Emily. I don\u2019t like it \u2013 but I gotta do it. Some fights you just can\u2019t back down from, and this one has to be in my time, and in a place of my own choosin\u2019, or I\u2019m likely to wind up with a bullet in my back.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAdam \u2013\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cEnough. I\u2019ve made my decision and it\u2019s final.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cOoooh! Adam Cartwright, you are the orneriest, most stubborn \u2013\u201d A quick, hard kiss stopped her tirade and Adam placed his hat firmly on his head.<\/p>\n
\u201cYep. Better get used to it,\u201d he said with a wink and a grin. He opened the door and was off the porch in three quick steps.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou get yourself killed and I\u2019ll never forgive you!\u201d she called after him. She watched him shake his head and stared after him, scared that she\u2019d never see him again and wishing she could take her harsh words back.<\/p>\n
He walked Paladin out of the barn and she ran to him. \u201cGet back in the house,\u201d he hissed, and his eyes flew to the bunkhouse window.<\/p>\n
\u201cThey\u2019re long asleep.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI wouldn\u2019t count on it,\u201d he said wryly.<\/p>\n
She shivered and he put a hand under her elbow to guide her back to the house, leading Palladin behind them. \u201cGo back inside and go to bed.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI won\u2019t sleep, Adam, till I know you\u2019re safe.\u201d She stopped and looked down at her clenched-together hands. \u201cI can\u2019t let you go thinking I\u2019m angry.\u201d<\/p>\n
He looked impatient and she put a hand on his arm. \u201cLet me say my piece, Adam. I\u2019m afraid, but I\u2019ll just have to respect your judgment and hope I\u2019m wrong. I didn\u2019t want you to leave not knowing that and that… that…I love you. And there are three little boys who love you too, so be careful.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019ll be careful. I haven\u2019t forgotten about this one, either,\u201d he said, running the back of his fingers over her stomach. \u201cOh, Adam,\u201d she breathed, throwing her arms around his neck.<\/p>\n
Paladin stepped back nervously and snorted as Adam rocked back on his heels. \u201cEmily, you\u2019re gonna get us both stomped \u201d<\/p>\n
She stopped his words with a kiss and he slowly brought his arms down and around her for a long deep kiss that left them both shaking with desire. \u201cI think,\u201d he said slowly, \u201cthat I\u2019d better marry you, or stay away from here.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cMmmm. Definitely the former.\u201d She reluctantly pulled away from the warmth of his arms, and looked up into his face as if trying to memorize it. \u201cYou take care \u2013 \u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI know,\u201d he said, swinging onto the horse\u2019s back and settling himself carefully into the saddle. \u201cGet some sleep, Emily.\u201d \u201cI\u2019ll never sleep now,\u201d she whispered as he rode away.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m not trying to interfere with your lawin\u2019 \u2013 an\u2019 I don\u2019t expect those boys to go to jail, but, one way or another, I need them out of here.\u201d Adam rose from the bench that ran along one wall of the Virginia City sheriff\u2019s office and took a quick turn around the room.<\/p>\n
Roy tried to put aside his own anger as he watched his young friend pace the floor. Adam was getting himself into a real lather and Roy was afraid he\u2019d do something rash \u2013 exactly what Roy and Ben had been trying to avoid.<\/p>\n
\u201cDon\u2019t look at me like that, Roy. Would you have wanted Mary\u2019s name dragged through the dust?\u201d<\/p>\n
The sheriff leaned his chair forward and put his forearms on the desk. \u201cNo, I reckon not,\u201d he said seriously. \u201cWhat do ya aim ta do about it? Put up a public notice that you haven\u2019t touched the girl?\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam\u2019s cheeks flamed for a moment, then paled. \u201cNo, but I need to be able to bring her to church or help with errands. It looks odd for me to be helping her at the ranch and then \u2013 \u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThat\u2019s yer own fault.\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam looked pained. \u201cI promised Gil,\u201d he said softly. He paced once more, then stopped and crossed his arms in front of his chest, looking as stubborn as Roy had ever seen him. \u201cI\u2019m not hiding out like I\u2019ve been \u2013 people don\u2019t know the Greasleys are what\u2019s keepin\u2019 me out of town.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cEnough know.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo, Roy. The ones I serve with on the school board, or town council \u2013 their wives \u2013 they think,\u201d he looked down at his hands, clutching his hat tightly, \u201cthey think the babe Emily\u2019s carryin\u2019 is mine, and that we\u2019re too ashamed to show our faces in town. This kind of thing,\u201d he said, remembering Marie, \u201cyou have to nip in the bud \u2013 come right out and tell people they\u2019re wrong, an\u2019 hold your head high, or people will believe the worst. And I can\u2019t do that with those two still in town.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIt ain\u2019t going ta do you any good if you\u2019re dead \u2013 and that\u2019s what you\u2019ll be, boy, if you keep steppin\u2019 into Greasley\u2019s crosshairs. I can\u2019t protect you all the time. They\u2019re not going anywhere till they get their stuff off that mountain. Now, you go on home. If I catch you in town again I\u2019m going to put you in jail till your pa can come and get ya. You can come back when they\u2019re gone.\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam sighed and ran a hand over his face, dropping disgustedly into a chair. \u201cThem leavin\u2019 is no guarantee against them killing me. Probably makes it worse, even. You won\u2019t know where they are.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWell, maybe I\u2019ll just have to escort them all the way to Placerville. You just leave that up to me. B\u2019sides, Jackson\u2019s the dangerous one. Jody don\u2019t have an ounce of mean in \u2018im.\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam\u2019s eye\u2019s narrowed. \u201cDo you think he\u2019d come after me if I killed his brother?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI don\u2019t want ta hear anything about you killing nobody, Adam! That\u2019s premeditation which makes it murder and you\u2019re gonna wind up with a noose around your neck an\u2019 I\u2019m gonna hafta put it there!\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam held up his hands in the face of the sheriff\u2019s onslaught. \u201cAll I\u2019m sayin\u2019 is if it comes to that, Roy, nothin\u2019 more \u2013 if he pulls a gun on me I\u2019m gonna shoot back.\u201d<\/p>\n
Roy rose and got the cell keys off their peg.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat\u2019re you doing?\u201d Adam asked, taken aback by Roy\u2019s sudden move.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m lockin\u2019 you up, Adam. You\u2019re a danger to yourself and ta the peaceful folks of the town.\u201d Adam stood hastily and put his chair between himself and the sheriff. \u201cPlease, Roy, don\u2019t \u2013\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo more of your jawin\u2019, Adam \u2013 you could talk the rust off a wheel an\u2019 yer not talking me inta lettin\u2019 you put that noose around your neck. Now, you just walk on in there and I\u2019ll send someone for your pa…\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam pulled his arm off of his face and stared at the ceiling. The closed doors only muffled heavy steps and a \u201cWhere is he?\u201d that made him wince. He couldn\u2019t make out Roy\u2019s softer tones. \u201cI told him \u2013 \u201d \u201c …What do you mean \u2018makin\u2019 threats\u2019?\u201d \u201c…Shoulda sent someone out last night.\u201d \u201cI can\u2019t take him \u2013 I got a cattlemen\u2019s meetin\u2019 to go to. You arrested him, you keep him!\u201d Adam sat up at this. Revenge, that\u2019s what it was; his father was gonna let him \u2013\u201cPssst!\u201d<\/p>\n
He swung his eyes to the small window that had been the source of an uncomfortably chilly breeze that kept him on the edge of wakefulness all night. He\u2019d have to talk to Roy about doing something to make the prisoners more comfortable.<\/p>\n
\u201cJoe?!\u201d He frowned at the sight of his youngest brother. Joe and Hoss were supposed to be repairing a section a damaged fence he\u2019d found the day before. \u201cWhat\u2019re you doing here?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cJust a little ol\u2019 jailbreak, brother,\u201d said Joe with a grin.<\/p>\n
Adam scowled and, shaking his head, covered his eyes with one hand before rubbing absently at his bristly cheeks. \u201cJust what I need. No thanks, I got enough problems as it is.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHoss,\u201d Joe whispered.<\/p>\n
\u201cShhh,\u201d said a second voice, and his other brother\u2019s cheerful face joined Joe\u2019s. \u201cYou\u2019ll bring Roy down on us.\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam rolled his eyes. \u201cHoss, you, at least, should know better. Git outta here, wouldya? I\u2019m in enough trouble as it is.\u201d \u201cBut we gotta plan, Adam. All sorta legal-like.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAnd what sorta plan would that be?\u201d asked a low, even voice from behind them.<\/p>\n
Adam glared balefully at his brothers. \u201cYou two geniuses have any other \u2018plans\u2019 I should know about? I might have talked Roy into lettin\u2019 me ride home with Clem. Now I\u2019m gonna be stuck in here all day.\u201d A sudden thought struck him and he rolled off the cot to shake the bars and yell for Roy.<\/p>\n
Roy came in finally, holding a cup of coffee in his hand. \u201cWhat\u2019s all the commotion in here?\u201d \u201cWould you do something for me, Roy?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWell, that depends. What is it you want?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWould you send a rider out to the Buckeye to tell Emily I\u2019m tied up in town?\u201d He ignored the snort from behind him and looked at the sheriff with pleading eyes.<\/p>\n
\u201cAlready did. She said she was gonna be visitin\u2019 with Essie and that she might drop in ta see ya later.\u201d \u201cNo!\u201d<\/p>\n
Roy backed away, surprised by Adam\u2019s vehemence.<\/p>\n
\u201cI don\u2019t want her anywhere near me while I\u2019m in town. Too dangerous.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNow, Adam, don\u2019t you go worryin\u2019 about Emily. I got the Greasleys sewed up nice an\u2019 tight working at the livery stable today. Emily will be fine for a little visit. But don\u2019t you get to thinkin\u2019 you can wander around town anytime. It\u2019ll be tomorrow an\u2019 the next day, an\u2019 the day after that when they\u2019re runnin\u2019 loose \u2013 \u201d He saw the calculating look in Adam\u2019s eye and he poked his finger at the young man. \u201cI don\u2019t want you throwing extra salt in the soup when I got it goin\u2019 the way I want. You\u2019re gonna go back to the Ponderosa real peaceful-like an\u2019 stay away from them Greasleys.\u201d He ran a practiced eye over the young men in the cells. \u201cYou boys comfortable?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYeah, just like home,\u201d muttered Joe.<\/p>\n
\u201cWell, you could be home, couldn\u2019t ya, if you had\u2019na stuck yer long noses in yer brother\u2019s business.\u201d He shook his head. \u201cThat\u2019s fine then. You just behave till yer pa comes.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cRoy, I need to talk to you. I want to know why \u2014\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDon\u2019t you worry about nothin\u2019 \u2013 I got everything under control \u2013 includin\u2019 you, Adam, an\u2019 that\u2019s just the way it\u2019s gonna stay. You\u2019re gonna go home with your pa, do your regular work\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo, Roy. I want to know why you trailed me…\u201d Roy shut the door on him and he dropped back on to his cot, frustrated and bemused, and more tired than he cared to admit. It hadn\u2019t just been just the cold that had kept him awake the night before, but a driving urgency to clear Emily\u2019s name and a fear which he didn\u2019t quite understand.Hoss grunted, half asleep on his stool. Roy had sent a boy in with coffee and the checkerboard and he and Joe were playing checkers between the bars, the board on his side, for fairness\u2019 sake. Adam was huddled under his blanket, apparently asleep.<\/p>\n
\u201cGimme your blanket \u2013 Adam looks cold.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cCold? With that stove goin\u2019 like it is?\u201d Hoss asked as he stretched and got up to retrieve the blanket.<\/p>\n
\u201cJoe?\u201d Adam said sleepily, as his brother gently spread two additional blankets over his long frame. \u201cPa here?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNa, go back to sleep.\u201d He finished pulling the blanket up around his brother\u2019s shoulders and briefly laid the back of his fingers against Adam\u2019s temple, shaking his head at the unconscious gesture \u2013 that was what his father would have done. He drew back, startled when he found unexpected heat, and then gently laid his open hand on his brother\u2019s forehead. He clicked his tongue. Adam had probably picked up the cold the boys had had a couple of weeks before. That would keep him tied to the ranch \u2013 he rarely got sick, and if he was, he wouldn\u2019t see the light of day for a week, if their father had his way.<\/p>\n
He jerked a thumb over his shoulder as he re-joined Hoss. \u201cI think he might be sickening \u2013 he feels kinda warm.\u201d<\/p>\n
Hoss grunted. \u201cDon\u2019t know \u2018bout you, but I ain\u2019t too keen on bein\u2019 around when Pa catches on ta that.\u201d He looked over at the now well-wrapped form of his older brother. \u201cCome ta think of it…that\u2019ll keep older brother out of trouble fer sure.\u201d<\/p>\n
Joe grinned briefly. \u201cJust what I was thinking.\u201d<\/p>\n
Hoss stared at the checkerboard absently. His father\u2019s mutterings about not wanting to waste a day hauling Adam back from town had moved him to let Joe talk him into rescuing his older sibling, but this put a whole new spin on things. He secretly agreed with Adam, and perhaps knew it better even than he, from what he had heard in town over the past months. Jackson Greasley was not a man you wanted to turn your back on, and he had a very real fear that once in California, and out of Roy\u2019s sight, he\u2019d return for his revenge, whatever the consequences. If Adam was ill, that would be another couple of weeks for Greasley to brood and plan. Better to lance the boil now…. He just wondered if his brother would be up to it.<\/p>\n
\u201cAdam?\u201d There was a light, cool touch on his forehead that felt wonderful. He took a deep breath and smiled slightly as he picked up Emily\u2019s perfume.<\/p>\n
Joe\u2019s voice drifted over from the other cell. The other cell? He rolled over and blearily opened his eyes to see Emily bending over him. \u201cEmily? What are you doing here? Thought I told Roy\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cShhh. I know what you told Roy, but I\u2019ll be fine. I wanted to check on you. A fine pickle you\u2019ve gotten yourself into,\u201d she continued with a smile, eyes dancing with laughter. \u201cSo much for \u2018taking the bull by the horns.\u2019\u201d She pulled the blankets straight and perched on the edge of the cot. She sobered as she took in his flushed cheeks and over-bright eyes. He might be safe for the moment, but he had apparently picked up whatever had laid her boys low for a week each. \u201cYou should be home in bed.\u201d<\/p>\n
He hauled himself to a sitting position. \u201cStop fussing, Em, it\u2019s just a chill.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAnd it left Matthew with that cough \u2013 just as it will you if you don\u2019t take care of yourself.\u201d<\/p>\n
He shivered, hunching his shoulders against losing the extra warmth of the blankets, and Emily picked one up and draped it around him, pulling it together and tucking the ends under his legs. \u201cWhy didn\u2019t you get this?\u201d he grumbled.<\/p>\n
She smiled gently at his peevishness. \u201cI had a scratchy throat one day last week \u2013 I suppose you\u2019re just going to have it w\u2014\u201d She stopped as she realized he was no longer listening. She looked over her shoulder, following his gaze to see Slim standing right outside the door to the office, a sour, censorious expression on his face. She was surprised to see such disapproval directed at Adam, and wondered at the cause even as she rose to ask Slim to wait for her outside the jail.<\/p>\n
She turned back to see Adam on his feet, meditatively rubbing at his unshaven jaw.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019ve never seen him so unfriendly. I wonder what has him upset. Did something happen last night that I should know about?\u201d she asked.<\/p>\n
\u201cNo,\u201d he said slowly, considering this new piece of the puzzle as he stared blindly at the wall opposite. Emily touched his arm and he dragged his gaze back to her face. He looked over at his brothers, who were apparently deeply absorbed in one of their endless games of checkers, and pulled Emily to the far corner of the cell. \u201cWhy\u2019d you come into town?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThe weather is clear, and the boys were better. I thought I would pick up the mail and visit with Essie. She invited us to dinner. I even asked Roy\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cEmily,\u201d he interrupted, \u201cI don\u2019t want you in town tonight. Please go home.\u201d<\/p>\n
She looked up at his face, surprised at his intensity. \u201cWhy don\u2019t you want me here? What are you going to do?\u201d she asked suspiciously.<\/p>\n
\u201cNothing,\u201d he said, morose as he considered his options. \u201cI just don\u2019t want you here.\u201d He gave a short burst of breath, frustrated by a stubbornness that he realized matched his own, and, taking hold of her arms, looked down at her seriously. \u201cWill you promise me to stay at Essie\u2019s and then go home at a reasonable hour, at least?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhy? Please tell me you\u2019re not going to try to do something stupid, like tackle Greasley head on. You know Roy is determined to keep you two apart. He\u2019ll never let you out without your father being here, and that means at least another hour. And he wants you out of town before the Greasleys get off work \u2013 it\u2019ll be much harder to keep tabs on them then and he can\u2019t guarantee\u2014\u201d She could almost see his mind working as she spoke. She laid a hand on his chest, concerned<\/p>\n
that his judgment might be impaired, and afraid his fever might make him careless. \u201cNot now, Adam, not like this. If it was dangerous to be snooping around town when you were well…\u201d<\/p>\n
She trailed off in surprise as he retreated to his cot and sank wearily into it, drawing the blanket more tightly around his slumped shoulders. He sniffed and tentatively cleared his throat, pinching his nose against the all-too-real headache that was beginning to form behind his eyes. She stepped toward him, concerned, and briefly glanced over at his brothers. Hoss was looking at Adam worriedly and she returned her gaze to Adam, missing the grimly knowing look which settled on Hoss\u2019s face.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat\u2019s wrong?\u201d she asked, crouching down in front of Adam. \u201cDo you need to see Paul?\u201d<\/p>\n
He sighed and raised his head. \u201cI don\u2019t know. I suppose I at least could use one of his headache powders,\u201d he answered truthfully, putting aside the guilt he was feeling at deceiving her about his plans.<\/p>\n
She rose and crossed to the locked cell door. \u201cRoy?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYeah,\u201d he called from the other room. She heard the scraping of a chair and he appeared at the door. \u201cWould you send the boy for Dr. Martin? Adam seems to be ill, and I\u2019d like the doc to look at him.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cSure \u2018nough, Mz. Arminger. He\u2019s not startin\u2019 one a\u2019those chest things he gets, is he?\u201d he asked, unknowingly taking on Hoss\u2019s part.<\/p>\n
\u201c\u2018Chest things\u2019?\u201d<\/p>\n
Hoss cleared his throat and did his bit for his brother. \u201cUh \u2013 every couple a\u2019years seems Adam gets this uh,\u201d \u201cCongestion,\u201d interjected Joe. \u201cWas laid up for a month last winter, remember?\u201d<\/p>\n
Emily had only been vaguely aware of that, having been ill herself after a miscarriage. \u201cOh, no. And you left him in this cold cell all night?\u201d<\/p>\n
Roy bristled. \u201cIt wasn\u2019t cold a\u2019tall \u2013 stove ran hot all night.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThat,\u201d said Adam, pointing to the small window high on his cell wall, \u201clet in a draft that kept me awake half the night.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThat itty-bitty window couldn\u2019t let enough air in ta cut the smoke in the back room at the Bucket \u2018o Blood,\u201d Roy said gruffly. He eyed the Cartwrights with suspicion. They were laying it on a bit thick. \u201cSince when have you been that soft, Adam, that you\u2019ll run to the doc fer a little case of the sniffles?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cRoy, please send for him. It can\u2019t hurt, after all,\u201d pleaded Emily.<\/p>\n
Roy grunted. \u201cThey\u2019re up ta somethin\u2019, I just know it.\u201d He looked from Adam, shivering miserably on his cot, to Hoss and Joe, who, to Roy\u2019s mind, looked about as innocent as miners in town on Saturday night. \u201cOh, all right.\u201d He shook his head and went to look for the boy who ran errands for him.<\/p>\n
Emily turned back to Adam. \u201cDo you need anything else? I really need to get back to the children and Slim has the rest of the afternoon off \u2013 I don\u2019t want to take any more of his time.\u201d She reached out and caressed his cheek. \u201cYou poor dear. I\u2019m sure Paul has a powder which will help. And when you get back to the ranch, Hop Sing will make you something warm and soothing and tuck you up in your bed.\u201d<\/p>\n
There was a definite snort this time from the other cell and Emily turned her gaze on the perpetrator. \u201cWhen you get this, which you will, I\u2019ll bring over one of my nice possets \u2013 there\u2019s one I make with bitter herbs \u2013 it is very strong and it works quite well.\u201d<\/p>\n
Joe held up his hands. \u201cNo ma\u2019am. Hop Sing makes some real nice teas. You just take care of ol\u2019Adam there. He\u2019s gettin\u2019 a mite aged and the ague hits him somethin\u2019 awful.\u201d He went off into a giggle and Adam glared at him, determined to get him back before the evening was over.<\/p>\n
Roy came back in. \u201cDon\u2019t know that he\u2019s there, but he\u2019ll get the message, anyways.\u201d Emily finished tucking the blankets around Adam. \u201cThere you go. You just rest till Paul gets here. And Joseph, you leave him be.\u201d<\/p>\n
Roy and Emily could hear the bickering start as soon as the door was closed \u2013 the \u201caged\u201d one holding his own against the guffaws and lighter teasing of his brothers. Emily\u2019s heart lightened a little. That should keep them busy and out of trouble for a while, at least.<\/p>\n
Joe paced the cell restlessly, his eyes on Adam, lying quietly asleep in the other cell. Too quietly, he thought. Adam wasn\u2019t one to nap that long, even if he was catching cold. He was considering yelling for the deputy who\u2019d been left to watch the office when he heard voices arguing, and the clatter of boots on the office floor.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou jest get in there an\u2019 give us all some peace. I never heard a fella give so many reasons fer bein\u2019 so wrong about something. If Mrs. Schreiber says you did it I\u2019m gonna have to take her word for it. An\u2019 the rest of you \u2013 I got a sick man in there and I don\u2019t want ya makin\u2019 a lot o\u2019noise.\u201d Roy opened the door and stepped up to the cells, unlocking the doors. \u201cJoe, Hoss, I\u2019m gonna put you back in with your brother. How\u2019s he feelin\u2019?\u201d<\/p>\n
Joe gave Roy an irritated look. \u201cHow should we know? You left us both over here when Mrs. Arminger left.\u201d Roy guided his prisoners into the cell and motioned Hoss and Little Joe out, locking the door behind them.<\/p>\n
He unlocked the other cell and told Hoss to check on his brother. \u201cDoc Martin should be back soon, someone said he went out to the Bartlebys\u2019 place.\u201d He watched Hoss gently turn his brother over, not really listening to their whispered conversation as he ran his eyes over the cell. His scrutiny finally fell on the small window between the two cots, and as he stepped further into the cell he could feel the cool breeze coming between the bars. He frowned; Ben wouldn\u2019t thank him for letting his boy get pneumonia — maybe Adam would be better off at the doc\u2019s house.<\/p>\n
\u201cSheriff?!\u201d<\/p>\n
The shout came from the street entrance and he moved quickly to lock the door and see what the problem was. \u201cDang near a Saturday night, this much trouble,\u201d he muttered to himself, frustrated at the chaotic turn the day was taking.<\/p>\n
He was back after a minute, and looked worried. \u201cHere, you two take him ta Doc Martin\u2019s \u2013 an\u2019 no detours. Things are mighty riled up this evenin\u2019. I\u2019ll send your pa down there when he\u2019s done with his meetin\u2019.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cCome on, Adam, ya gotta get up \u2013 we\u2019re gonna take you to Doc Martin\u2019s,\u201d Hoss tried. \u201cDon\u2019 wanna get up.\u201d<\/p>\n
Joe crouched down by the side of the cot. \u201cCome on, Adam, you\u2019re sick and you have to see the doc.\u201d He winked up at Hoss. \u201cYou want Hoss to carry you?\u201d<\/p>\n
This elicited a groan and Adam opened his eyes. \u201cPa here?\u201d
\n\u201cNo \u2013 the meeting\u2019s gone late again. You need a hand up?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo.\u201d Adam pulled himself to a sitting position and massaged the space between his eyebrows, shielding his eyes from the light as he tried to wake up. \u201cWhat time is it?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cFour thirty. Why you keep askin\u2019 that?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo reason,\u201d Adam mumbled. \u201cDid you say something about the doc\u2019s office?\u201d \u201cYep \u2013 Roy says ta take you down there.\u201d<\/p>\n
Joe thought Adam looked pleased, but then thought he must be imagining things. \u201cCome on, up you go.\u201d Adam looked at him, and he caught a flash of humor in his eyes, quickly masked by a groan, probably for Roy\u2019s benefit, Joe thought. \u201cThis is gonna be fun, holdin\u2019 your hand till Doc Martin gets back. Why can\u2019t you fake a mighty thirst instead and we can go get a couple of beers?\u201d<\/p>\n
Hoss chuckled at this. \u201cNow, that\u2019s a mighty appealin\u2019 thought. What do ya think, Adam? Can you muster up a craving for beer?\u201d<\/p>\n
Roy heard the last of this as he closed the door to the jail block. He shook his head. Their brother was ailing, and all they could think about was a draft of beer. With any luck, Paul would be back in town soon and the boys could get their brother doctored and home. He sighed. If Ben would get out of that meeting, it would be once less thing to worry about…<\/p>\n
Home was the last thing on Adam\u2019s mind as he stepped into the street an hour later, adjusting his gun belt and unhooking the tie down. \u201cRegular miracle worker, the good doctor. I feel up to a trip to The Bucket of Blood.\u201d He ran an eye over his two shadows. \u201cHow about that beer?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHey, Adam \u2013 haven\u2019t seen you in here in while. Hoss, Joe.\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam nodded at the bartender. \u201cSam. Beer for them \u2013 I\u2019m buying,\u201d he said, waving a hand at his brothers and putting some coins on the bar. He pulled Sam close. \u201cGive me the end of that bottle, but slip some water in it,\u201d he said softly.<\/p>\n
Sam raised an eyebrow, but obeyed. He set the bottle down, a query about the unusual request dying on his lips as he took in the flush high on his friend\u2019s cheekbones. He shook his head. \u201cYou\u2019d best have only one of even that, Adam, and then take yourself home ta bed.\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam smiled gently. \u201cThere\u2019s no place I\u2019d rather be right now, Sam, but there\u2019s something I gotta do first.\u201d He took a small sip of his whiskey and grimaced at the taste. Definitely not what he wanted. One of Hop Sing\u2019s teas sounded good right about now, he thought, or especially Emily\u2019s posset, which wasn\u2019t bitter at all, of course, but sweet and warming and relaxing and just the memory of it made him ache to be back in\u2014. He cut off the thought abruptly. That was what had gotten him into this mess in the first place. He leaned on the bar, nursing his drink and directing his thoughts to more useful channels. He knew Slim was two tables behind him and one over, seated along the wall, playing poker with friends. The Greasleys were at the table in front of Slim, to Adam\u2019s right as he faced the bar. He kept his eyes down, closed even, away from the mirror and any provocation. Joe was frankly watching the goings-on in the saloon, and Hoss\u2019s eyes flitted often enough to the mirror to make him feel secure for the moment.<\/p>\n
Hoss made conversation about their prospects for a good increase in the herd and he answered absently. They both knew where this was going, and he appreciated his brother\u2019s efforts, but he was beginning to feel somewhat detached from the activity around him. He was starting to wonder if it was such a bright idea to combine even watered down whiskey with the medicine the doc had given him when his attention was caught by loud laughter behind him.<\/p>\n
\u201c…A\u2019huggin\u2019 and kissin\u2019 in the yard bold as day…\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam\u2019s eyes narrowed. That sounded suspiciously familiar. How could anyone know about that… He didn\u2019t like the only inference he could draw, but it jived with everything else he knew.<\/p>\n
\u201cWell, she\u2019s a pretty little armful, maybe…\u201d The rest was lost in a burst of laughter around the same table. Adam tensed and gripped the glass hard. Knowing what had been said in town was bad enough, but hearing for himself was making the careful planning of that afternoon fly out of his head. His world steadied a little as he felt his brothers move closer to him.<\/p>\n
\u201cThat\u2019s as nice a ranch as the missus is pretty \u2013 betcha he\u2019s tired of takin\u2019 orders from his daddy and \u2018e figgered it would make a mighty fine place fer him ta light.\u201d<\/p>\n
There was a mumbled question Adam couldn\u2019t make out and then: \u201cYeah, fer years, and she ain\u2019t ever been heard ta say no \u2013 I might have a go at her if she\u2019s that willin\u2019\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam whirled around at this and settled his hand on his gun butt. \u201cWatch your mouth, Mister, you\u2019re crossing the line.\u201d He took a step toward the older man\u2019s table and loomed large over the men as he carefully enunciated the next words. \u201cYou\u2019ve been pretty free with the accusations the past few months, making me into a murdering wife-stealer. But don\u2019t spread your filth to Mrs. Arminger or you won\u2019t be doing any talking for a long time.\u201d He glanced around the saloon, ready to throw down the gauntlet. \u201cAnd that goes for any of the rest of you that\u2019s doing the same. And you all should know better \u2013 Mrs. Arminger wouldn\u2019t do what they\u2019re saying any more than I\u2019d draw on an unarmed man.\u201d<\/p>\n
Jackson Greasley eyed him warily. He\u2019d heard that Adam Cartwright was good with a gun, that he could outshoot professional killers, and his ideas of revenge had none of them included facing the wrong end of Cartwright\u2019s gun straight on. But the fever-bright eyes made him think he could take him in a head-on fight tonight, and he wasn\u2019t about to give up the chance to settle the score on fairly even terms.<\/p>\n
As Cartwright turned back to him he spread his hands placatingly, waiting for the right moment to catch the younger man off guard. \u201cWell, that\u2019s the thing, Adam \u2013 I don\u2019t know you. And you might say our first meetin\u2019 wasn\u2019t exactly on friendly terms.\u201d A few of his friends laughed and he grinned, trying to keep calm and gauge the readiness of his opponent. \u201cWe was out there mindin\u2019 our own business and you all come ridin\u2019 in shootin\u2019 us up when we wasn\u2019t doin\u2019 no harm\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou were stealin\u2019 my cattle,\u201d Adam said, dismissively cutting into Greasley\u2019s speech. \u201cTrespassin\u2019 and rustlin\u2019. A man has a right to defend what\u2019s his, anything that\u2019s his.\u201d<\/p>\n
Greasley laughed and looked over at his friends, trying to keep the conversation going until he was ready to make his move. \u201cThere \u2013 straight from the man himself. You killed my brother \u2013 never asked what we was doin\u2019 there, then high\u00adtailed it back to yer woman.\u201d He looked back up into the strangely-glittering eyes and the cold ache of real fear began to grow in his gut. That last had better been left unsaid, he realized. Something had snapped in the young man before him \u2013 his body was held differently somehow, his breathing steady and his stance relaxed, one shoulder dropped slightly as if he could smoothly and easily draw and turn quickly to be the smallest target possible. His brothers had moved almost imperceptibly closer, flanking him not to prevent what was happening, but to stand with their older sibling,<\/p>\n
There was no laughter this time as the patrons realized both men were deadly serious. Several began to ease their chairs away from the table and the men behind them, including Slim, stood and moved carefully along the back wall of the saloon.<\/p>\n
Adam took a deep breath, not taking his eyes off of Jackson Greasley, but aware that Jody Greasley sat still and pale next to his brother, looking suddenly like a boy in a man\u2019s world. Adam placed him at about Joe\u2019s age, but without Joe\u2019s strength, which gave him pause. Weakness in a man could make him lash out unexpectedly, and he didn\u2019t want to face two guns when he\u2019d rather be facing none at all. He damped down his anger \u2013 much as he\u2019d like to smash in Jackson Greasley\u2019s smart mouth things were on too deadly a footing between them to give in to the impulse. The only good to come out of any killing would be to destroy the rattler before he struck, but he wanted to avoid even that. There was enough grief on both sides already.<\/p>\n
\u201cI didn\u2019t come here aiming to clear my name or Mrs. Arminger\u2019s with a gun, Greasley. There\u2019s been enough killing \u2013 three little boys with a father they\u2019ll never see again, someone without a son, you without a brother.\u201d He lifted a finger toward Jody. \u201cYou want to leave him all alone in the world?\u201d<\/p>\n
Greasley\u2019s gaze flitted to his younger brother for a moment and then returned to Adam. Barely suppressed hate and frustration seethed beneath his calm exterior. \u201cYou gonna hold that over me Cartwright? \u2013 seems you\u2019ve got the same problem. Yer gonna leave those kids without a pa agin.\u201d<\/p>\n
There was motion at the door, but Adam kept his eyes on the man in front of him. \u201cI won\u2019t be the one to die \u2013 but I don\u2019t want to kill you. I just want you to understand that I didn\u2019t have a choice that night. Your brother pulled a gun on me after one of you had already shot me and killed my friend.\u201d<\/p>\n
Slim stood straight from where he was leaning against the wall and frowned, but Adam didn\u2019t see the gesture. His entire attention was on the two men before him.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat will it be, Greasley? Truce? By rights the lot of you should\u2019ve been hung already for the murder of G\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n
Jody Greasley jumped to his feet. \u201cYou\u2019re the murderer! We weren\u2019t doin\u2019 no harm \u2013 nuthin\u2019 ta kill over.\u201d The boy had somehow managed to get his gun out and was waving it around.<\/p>\n
\u201cPut the gun away, boy, before you get hurt.\u201d Adam had drawn his own gun, but he lowered it a little, matching its position with his other hand to show he would make no aggressive moves.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m not a boy,\u201d Jody snarled. \u201c \u2013 an\u2019 that didn\u2019t keep you from killing Tracy. Just \u2018cause you\u2019re somebody you think you can get away with it \u2013 well, this time you ain\u2019t!\u201d<\/p>\n
It seemed almost like the world had stopped spinning to Adam. He could see the end of the boy\u2019s barrel come up \u2013 he could match the movement, but he knew he\u2019d be killing for no reason \u2013 it would be too late. His quick twist and the shove he gave Hoss started to move them both out of the way of the uncertain aim but no one could out move a bullet and he felt the impact as Jackson shouted at his brother to stop. Too late, <\/em>he thought as he was spun around by the force of the bullet. Hoss was grabbing at him and Joe was yelling. Roy had been wrong. It was the kid. <\/em>He slid toward the floor and strong hands came up under his arms to ease him on to his back. Hoss\u2019s worried face appeared as a blur above him and then he saw Ben. Pa? Oh, that was you at the door. Roy can\u2019t be far behind. <\/em>He laughed softly. A conspiracy of two \u2013 I outsmarted you this time. <\/em>Hoss\u2019s hands were covered in blood. Where had all that blood come from? Pa? It\u2019s over… They won\u2019t want any more \u2013 can\u2019t take any more…<\/em><\/p>\nBen was ripping Adam\u2019s coat and shirt off and shouting orders. \u201cSam, give me some of them towels. Someone get Doc Martin, I left him back at his house.\u201d<\/p>\n
Hoss rolled up his own coat and put it under Adam\u2019s head, watching his father try to save his brother\u2019s life. He wordlessly took the towels Sam handed to him and folded one into a pad to press down on the wound. Too high to be lungshot, he thought, but his brother might have a busted collarbone. The groan he got when he pressed down on the wound made him think it was the latter.<\/p>\n
\u201cWell, ya done it now, brother.\u201d Adam\u2019s eyelashes fluttered open again. \u201cYer gonna be in bed fer a month, if yer lucky.\u201d Adam seemed to focus on what was going on around him and he looked at their father.<\/p>\n
\u201cPa?\u201d he gasped. \u201cI thought I\u2019d imagined you.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo, you didn\u2019t. I don\u2019t suppose you could have imagined stayin\u2019 at Doc Martin\u2019s like you were told to?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNa \u2013 I told you last night \u2013 I had something I had to do.\u201d He coughed and his faced whitened against the pain, sweat appearing on his upper lip.<\/p>\n
Ben took his coat off and, ignoring the blood, draped it over his son\u2019s chest and Hoss\u2019s large hands pressing another clean towel against the steadily bleeding hole in Adam\u2019s shoulder.<\/p>\n
\u201cTh…the kid,\u201d Adam tried, stuttering, shock starting to set in.<\/p>\n
\u201cHe ain\u2019t goin\u2019 nowhere,\u201d Hoss started and then, comprehending, \u201cHe\u2019s fine. Jest settin\u2019 there \u2013 Roy\u2019s got \u2018im back at that table.\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam closed his eyes.<\/p>\n
\u201cAdam,\u201d said Ben fiercely. \u201cStay with me, boy \u2013 I want you to stay awake.\u201d He squeezed Adam\u2019s hand and put his other hand on his son\u2019s forehead.<\/p>\n
\u201cEm,\u201d Adam whispered. \u201cSomeone should tell her…\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019ll go, Pa,\u201d Joe said softly. Ben looked up at his youngest. Joe could have easily killed Jody Greasley, but had instead sent him to the floor with a whirling kick that Ben had only distantly been aware of in his sprint toward his injured eldest son.<\/p>\n
\u201cYeah \u2013 I suppose \u2013 maybe meet us at Doc Martin\u2019s,\u201d he said, vaguely thinking that a respectable woman couldn\u2019t come into the saloon.<\/p>\n
But someone had already sent for Emily.<\/p>\n
\u2018No good is going to come out of that boy\u2019s mouth this time of night,\u2019 Essie thought grimly as she let in the orphan who did odd jobs for Roy Coffee. The little boy bobbed his head. \u201cMa\u2019am, Mz. Arminger \u2013 they said to tell ya \u2013 Adam Cartwright\u2019s shot.\u201d<\/p>\n
Emily clutched at the edge of the kitchen table and closed her eyes. \u201cAdam,\u201d she whispered.<\/p>\n
Essie was more practical. \u201cEmily, you set for a minute \u2013 I\u2019m going to see if Mrs. Neilson can watch the boys.\u201d She went to throw on her shawl and bonnet and was out the door in mere seconds.<\/p>\n
The boy hungrily eyed the heaping plate of cookies that the women had baked that afternoon. \u201cGo ahead, Billy,\u201d said Emily; sorry all at once for the child who\u2019d had to work to help support his family after his father had died in a mine accident the year before. Her boys weren\u2019t the only ones who suffered, by any means, and she pulled herself together at the thought. \u201cWhere is Mr. Cartwright?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHe\u2019s at The Bucket o\u2019Blood,\u201d he said indistinctly around the cookie, most of which was stuffed his mouth.<\/p>\n
Emily\u2019s lips compressed into a thin line of anger and she patted the boy on the head. \u201cHere, I\u2019ll wrap some of those up for you. Did the sheriff tell you to go on home when you\u2019d delivered your message?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cUm, yes, ma\u2019am,\u201d the boy said, looking down at his well-worn shoes.<\/p>\n
\u201cWell then, you take those cookies home to your brothers and sisters and don\u2019t worry your mother. She\u2019ll likely know something has happened and will be worried about you.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes, ma\u2019am. Thank you.\u201d The boy was gone with a bang of the door and Emily turned to find her own boys. She wouldn\u2019t tell them what had happened, but Peter, at least, would know something was going on…<\/p>\n
Adam\u2019s shirt lay in tatters and his chest glistened bright red, washed to his waist with his own blood. Emily had seen, and treated, bad injuries before, but nothing prepared her for the sight of Adam in such a condition. She was just grateful that she wouldn\u2019t be doing the sewing this time. At the moment she didn\u2019t even know if she would manage to stay on her feet. Ben was at his son\u2019s side, holding one hand, listening to him gasp something Emily couldn\u2019t make out. Paul was alternately staunching the flow of blood and examining the wound.<\/p>\n
Ben saw her and frowned, jerking his head from Hoss to the door. \u201cWhere\u2019s Joe? Get her out of here.\u201d Hoss stepped toward Emily and took her elbow. \u201cMz. Emily, you shouldn\u2019t be in here.\u201d<\/p>\n
Emily shook off his hand and rounded on him angrily as Joe pushed through the swinging doors. \u201cYou! The three of you. Mendacious\u2014\u201d She clenched her fists and then crossed her arms tightly across her breast against the shuddering that she found she couldn\u2019t control. \u201cWas it worth it? Was any of this worth a drop of anyone\u2019s blood?\u201d<\/p>\n
Hoss made another gram at her arms as she whirled to take an unsteady step towards Adam, but he was stopped by a light touch at his back. He turned to see Essie standing behind him. \u201cMa\u2019am,\u201d he said, surprised. \u201cYou shouldn\u2019t be here neither.\u201d<\/p>\n
Essie frowned at him. \u201cAnd just where should I be?\u201d she asked tartly. \u201cEmily?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes, I\u2019m here.\u201d<\/p>\n
Ben stared at his son\u2019s hand for a moment, so tightly gripped in his own, before he realized that Adam was pulling away from that grip and reaching for Emily. He sat back on his heels as she knelt by Adam and took the questing hand in both of hers.<\/p>\n
She shook her head slightly. \u201cOh, Adam, you just had to do it, didn\u2019t you?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes.\u201d He gasped as Paul pressed hard on the wound to start binding it up for the move to the surgery. She ran one shaking finger down Adam\u2019s cheek. \u201cHe\u2019s burning up, Paul.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYeah. I\u2019ll deal with that later \u2013 right now \u2013 Emily, lift his head, Ben lift him a little \u2013\u201d Paul passed a bandage around Adam\u2019s chest. \u201cAdam? Stay with us here.\u201d He patted Adam\u2019s cheek lightly. \u201cEmily, talk to him.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHad to do it,\u201d Adam mumbled. \u201cDon\u2019t know what might have happened. Sometimes you just have to\u2014\u201d The rest was lost in a gasping cough as Paul tied his left arm to his chest.<\/p>\n
Emily raised her eyes to the doctor\u2019s. \u201cPaul?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBroken collarbone. Won\u2019t know how bad until I can get in there better. He\u2019s lost a quite a bit of blood and he\u2019s going to lose more.\u201d<\/p>\n
Emily eased Adam\u2019s head on to her lap and held one end of the bandage while Paul wrapped another one over the top of Adam\u2019s shoulder.<\/p>\n
Ben slowly became aware of an argument taking place over his shoulder and even Adam seemed to realize there was a commotion at the other end of the bar.<\/p>\n
\u201cWe didn\u2019t shoot first.\u201d<\/p>\n
Jackson Greasley pulled against his bindings.<\/p>\n
\u201cHe shot Morton and he killed my brother.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cEddie shot Morton straight off. Mr. Cartwright was already down \u2013 he never had a chance to get off a shot.\u201d<\/p>\n
Jackson shook his head defiantly. \u201cThat didn\u2019t keep him from shooting my brother back at the camp. There was never any harm in that boy \u2013 there was no call to shoot him \u2013 he wasn\u2019t even armed\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n
Slim eyed Greasley distastefully. \u201cBoy takes up a gun \u2013 he\u2019s gonna get shot, just like a man. He was armed, all right, but Mr. Cartwright didn\u2019t shoot yer brother \u2013 I did.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cSlim?\u201d The query was faint and surprised.<\/p>\n
\u201cI saw \u2018im drawin\u2019 a bead on you when you rolled off\u2019a them rocks. Yer shot went wide.\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam closed his eyes, trying to remember back. Had there been a second shot? Eddie had been somewhere off to the right, trying to get at Jackson. Hoss somewhere behind him on the left… He remembered the shock of hitting the ground hard, and then his wild grab for his dropped gun… A wave of dizziness washed over him as he tried to pull up from Emily\u2019s lap and he subsided at her soft \u201cAdam, be still.\u201d He gave up \u2013 he\u2019d never remember those few seconds when he\u2019d acted more from instinct than plan.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhy didn\u2019t you say something sooner?\u201d Roy asked Slim suspiciously. \u201cYou was right there when we put the facts in front of the judge.\u201d<\/p>\n
Slim shrugged. \u201cDidn\u2019t think it mattered who shot the boy.\u201d<\/p>\n
Roy eyed him doubtfully but Slim simply looked back with a steady gaze that defied Roy to think differently. \u201cAll these months,\u201d Adam said faintly. \u201cI\u2019m gonna kill \u2018im.\u201d \u201cYou\u2019re not going anywhere for a while, Adam \u2013 and I think Emily and your father are \u2018bout ready to lock up your guns.\u201d \u201cI won\u2019t need a gun.\u201d<\/p>\n
Slim pulled away from the bar and looked down at Adam. \u201cMan should be mourned proper,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n
\u201cHe was my friend,\u201d Adam managed between gritted teeth. Paul finished pulling the bindings tight and started gathering his things.<\/p>\n
\u201cYeah,\u201d Slim said simply, and picked up his hat.<\/p>\n
Jackson Greasley turned to Joe. \u201cLet me go.\u201d Joe looked at him like he was crazy.<\/p>\n
Jackson looked down at the floor and muttered: \u201cI want to say something to your brother \u2013 I don\u2019t wanna hurt him none \u2013 I didn\u2019t know \u2013 I made him suffer \u2013 and he wasn\u2019t even the one…I guess it was our own foolishness…\u201d<\/p>\n
Jackson pulled away and stepped toward the little group on the floor in front of the bar. \u201cWait\u2014\u201d He took a deep breath and looked down into the face of the man he\u2019d dogged for months. \u201cI held a grudge agin\u2019 you, an\u2019 it wasn\u2019t right.\u201d He looked up at his younger brother, the only one left of his family. \u201cNone of us was right, that night,\u201d he said, glossing over his theft, \u201cta settle such a thing with guns.<\/p>\n
An\u2019 Jody didn\u2019t know what he was doin\u2019. He was so riled…\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam closed his eyes, exhausted and in too much pain to make any allowances.<\/p>\n
Emily looked up, tears in her eyes, unable to believe it was over. If Adam would get well….<\/p>\n
Adam Cartwright looked down at the newest Mrs. Cartwright and smiled \u2013 a slow, secret smile that soon lit his whole face. Emily held his gaze and returned the smile, but the moment didn\u2019t last. Two small forms rushed at them and held on. \u201cAre we married too?\u201d asked Sammy.<\/p>\n
Matthew gave his brother a poke in the shoulder. \u201cWe\u2019re not married, stoopid \u2013 we get ta call Adam \u2018Pa\u2019 now.\u201d \u201cWe\u2019s married,\u201d Sammy insisted stubbornly.<\/p>\n
Peter looked up at his new father seriously. He wanted to cry, he missed his father so badly, but he loved this man who loved his mother, who he knew loved him and his brothers as if they were his own. His eyes filled with tears against his wishes, but he raised his chin and stepped toward his family. He held out his hand and Adam took it and pulled him close. \u201cYou don\u2019t forget,\u201d Adam whispered….<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Fini<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Just as a note — Brownie is inspired by the character by that name from No Less a Man<\/strong> by Jerry Adelman, although he really could stand on his own annoying but necessary merits.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n
\nALTERNATE ENDING<\/strong><\/p>\n\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\nShifting Sands: The End of Everything<\/strong><\/p>\nThis story is for fun, not profit. Emily and the boys are my invention.<\/p>\n
Hot sun on his back. Roy\u2019s grin turning to suspicious concern. The same knowledge in Emily\u2019s <\/em>eyes and her quick shove that couldn\u2019t move him, and her, out of the way fast enough. His father <\/em>whipping around at the sound of a shot and his heels finally catching the gravel beneath his feet <\/em>as he staggered back, away from Emily. Some great, unseen hand hitting her hard in the back, <\/em>spinning her around and sending her crashing into his arms…sending his world crashing down <\/em>on his head… Had it only been minutes before:<\/em><\/p>\nThe June sun was warm on Adam\u2019s back as he loaded the buckboard with supplies. Emily was in the general store picking out some candy for the boys \u2013 a reward for good behavior that had Adam chuckling as he listened to the bickering over who got more. So much for good behavior.<\/p>\n
Roy Coffee ambled up as Adam swung the last sack into place. \u201cBen, Adam. This a family meetin\u2019 or can anyone join in?\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam grinned at Roy. \u201cWasn\u2019t supposed ta be \u2013 Pa says he and Hoss \u2018just happened\u2019 to be here to pick up the mail.\u201d<\/p>\n
Roy laughed. \u201cThat so? Well, Adam, good to see you in town. How\u2019s things with the family? Emily well?\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam smiled and nodded to the open door of the store. \u201cSee for yourself.\u201d<\/p>\n
Roy cocked his head and his face split into a grin. \u201cNah \u2013 sounds like a family quarrel in there \u2013 I like ta stay outta those.\u201d<\/p>\n
Roy chuckled. Adam rarely left anything for anyone else to \u2018handle.\u2019 He wondered if just a month of marriage had begun to mellow his young friend.<\/p>\n
\u201cSheriff!\u201d Adam\u2019s middle boy launched himself at the sheriff with a squeal; the elder stood in the door quietly and the youngest pulled on his mother\u2019s hand.<\/p>\n
\u201cEasy, Matthew. Samuel,\u201d came the automatic rebuke, \u201cbe careful with your mother, you\u2019ll pull her right over.\u201d<\/p>\n
Emily blushed and looked at Adam reproachfully at this indirect, but obvious reference to her front-heavy state. Hoss guffawed and then turned red himself under that same gaze when it was directed at him. Samuel let go of his mother\u2019s hand and looked quizzically up at the adults. \u201cWhat\u2019s so funny, Uncle Hoss?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNothin\u2019 Sammy,\u201d said Hoss cravenly. \u201cWhy don\u2019t you show me Blackie? Your pa says he\u2019s a good match fer Palladin, and a good goer, too.\u201d Sammy and Hoss started to move off \u2013<\/p>\n
White, shocked little faces. Roy moving fast out of his line of sight, gun drawn, shouting Jackson Greasley\u2019s name and something about drop the gun. Pa shouting for help as he gathered Peter and Matthew to his side, looking to him with a question in his eyes. Sammy, where was Sammy? Hoss had Sammy. A whispered \u201cAdam\u201d and he looked down at his wife. He could feel the warm moistness of her blood seeping into his jeans. High on the left side of her back, he thought vaguely. He reached around awkwardly to his back pocket and pulled out his clean \u2018kerchief. Her eyes were strained with pain, but held no fear that he could see. He shifted the folded material to his other hand and pressed it, unseen, to the wound. Maybe it was just high enough, he thought, that the bullet had gone up into her shoulder and not into her heart, she was still alive, after all \u2013 where had they all been?… His mind considered trajectories even as he started to move to lift her, to rush her to the doctor, but she put a hand on his arm. \u201cDon\u2019t, Adam. I won\u2019t make it.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo,\u201d he whispered fiercely. Not Emily, not so soon. <\/em>His tears fell on her face and her hand came up to caress his cheek and he turned his face to accept her gentle touch for the last time.<\/p>\nShe closed her eyes for a moment. \u201cLet me see the boys.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo.\u201d His voice shook. \u201cYou\u2019re not saying goodbye \u2013 you\u2019re not going to leave us.<\/p>\n
\u201cAdam, please do as I say.\u201d<\/p>\n
He tore his eyes from hers and nodded at his father and Hoss, and the boys came over in a rush. \u201cMama, Mama.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cShush, darlings. Let me see you. My big boys. You know I love you.\u201d<\/p>\n
Three sets of wide blue eyes stared, and the boys each nodded. Tears ran down Peter\u2019s face and his younger brothers looked at him, unsure of what was going on.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou mind your papa. He loves you \u2013\u201d She raised hers eyes to Adam\u2019s. \u201c\u2014and he\u2019ll take care of you\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam nodded numbly and in the periphery of his vision saw two figures running towards them. Two more interlopers. When had anyone not thought they should interfere… His vision narrowed, turning dark at the edges. Oh, Paul?<\/em><\/p>\n\u201cLean back, Adam. Let me see. That\u2019s it. I don\u2019t think…it must be lodged near the heart. Yes, probably. Emily?\u201d<\/p>\n
He heard a whispered request that he didn\u2019t understand. His mind was reeling, his head spinning. No. No more death. They didn\u2019t deserve this…if he hadn\u2019t married her…<\/em><\/p>\nPaul ran a hand expertly over the wound, fabric ripped \u2013 she had gone back to her black silks, the day after they were married. A public demonstration that she hadn\u2019t forgotten Gil, despite their marriage. She would be with him now. No. You can\u2019t have her back. She belongs here with me… <\/em>\u201cAdam, my sweet \u2013 don\u2019t cry. Remember… life…\u201d \u201c…Emily? Em? Em…Em\u2014 \u201d He pulled her more tightly to him and kissed the lips that would never answer. His world spun as he buried his face against the still-warm skin of her neck, rocking all that was left of his wife, of his life. \u2018Life?\u2019 \u2018Yes, when you\u2019re ready.\u2019<\/em> Why had he waited? Why had he married her at all? Never again. \u201cWatch him, he\u2019s shocky. Let\u2019s get her…\u201d His head swam and in the darkness he heard his name and hands took her from him. A strangled \u201cNo!\u201d was all he managed, but someone said they might be able to save the baby. Baby? Em was having a baby…Em would <\/em>never have the baby now, and he would never add to their brood… <\/em>His mind slid back three months. Paul had been so pleased with this pregnancy and said Em could have as many babies as she wanted, within reason. Reason was over-rated, he thought bitterly; all of Pa\u2019s determined counsel, Roy\u2019s fussing, what had it done in the end? Paul\u2019s quiet logic had most thoroughly convinced him…and now…Paul had taken Emily \u2013 she would be all right. She preferred Paul, not the all-business Dr. Hickman, but their friend, who had looked forward to this babe as much as they… Light came back as blind tears rolled out of his eyes and he felt strong arms pull him to his feet. \u201cCome on, Adam, we\u2019ll go along to the doc\u2019s \u2013 he thinks \u2013\u201d<\/p>\n\u201cHe thinks!\u201d he snarled. \u201cEveryone thought\u2014 \u201d His eyes came to rest on Roy, further down the street, taking a bound Jackson Greasley to the jail. His hand moved to his gun butt and he unhooked the tie-down, dizzily taking off away from his father with steps that gradually became more steady.<\/p>\n
\u201cHoss, take the boys,\u201d Adam heard Ben say. \u201cAdam\u2014\u201d His father, catching at him, still young, still powerful. How old would he be when he finally had a son of his own? Never, now. \u201cPapa?\u201d drifted after him. Peter. Solemn little Peter…was him at much the same age. Strong, with the weight of the world on his narrow shoulders. Peter knew… Adam stopped, turned around, looking for his boys. His boys. As much as he had loved Inger, and then, after too long a time, Marie, he loved those boys. They would be his sons. Were his sons. His eyes went beyond Hoss and the boys to the red stained gravel. Emily. His head spun again. Vengeance is <\/em>mine… <\/em>Emily… Doc Martin had taken her to\u2014<\/p>\nHe took one slow step towards the doc\u2019s office, then another, finally breaking into a run. One last horror…and hope. His mind whirled with conflicting emotions. His life was one long twisted mess of horror and hope. When would it ever end? He stopped abruptly and turned around slowly. He\u2019d sworn to himself that if the worst ever happened, he wouldn\u2019t crumple, wouldn\u2019t close up like he <\/em>did. One strength he<\/em> didn\u2019t have. His mind cleared as he took a deep breath and straightened, feeling, and hearing, the bones snapping back into their more usual place. What had the boys seen?<\/em> He knelt on one knee in the dirt and opened his arms. \u201cCome here, boys.\u201d<\/p>\nThey rushed him and he had to whisper an \u201ceasy, easy.\u201d He gathered them in his arms and placed a kiss on each little cheek. Emily\u2019s eyes stared at him out of Sammy\u2019s face and his voice broke at the realization. \u201cI want you to stay with your grandpa.\u201d He shushed their protests gently but firmly. \u201cI have to go be with your mama for a while.\u201d His eyes shifted to Ben. \u201cTake them to Essie\u2019s \u2013 it\u2019s the best place for them right now. You\u2019ll have to tell her…\u201d<\/p>\n
Ben nodded. \u201cOf course, son.\u201d<\/p>\n
Fresh tears started to his eyes as he squeezed the boys tightly to him. They smelled of dirt and candy and little boy sweat. Joe had smelled like this. Joe was in Genoa. \u201cSomeone should go after Joe…\u201d Hoss. Big, loving Hoss with his plain, honest good sense, and his steady support, whatever happened. He could always count on his brothers, both of them.<\/p>\n
Sammy clung to him like a limpet. \u201cCome on, baby, go to your grandpa.\u201d \u201cI\u2019s not a baby.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThat\u2019s right, you\u2019re my little man. Now behave like one, till Papa gets back. Essie will feed you some of her nice pie.\u201d<\/p>\n
He watched the boys walk hand in hand with his father. Peter looked over his shoulder at him to catch the tears running down his \u2018papa\u2019s\u2019 face. How would he do it, he wondered. They\u2019d had so little time to become a family. Peter knew…<\/p>\n
Silence. That meant…no\u2014<\/em> He sank into the chair behind Paul\u2019s desk and put his elbows on the cluttered surface, rubbing a shaking hand over his face. She\u2019d been so beautiful, lying in his arms that morning, accepting his kisses with confident amusement, happier than he\u2019d seen her in months, no longer haunted by Gil. Now she was lying on a cold table alone, as Paul tried to redeem one life from death\u2019s grasp \u2013 to retrieve that which his wife still had left to give. His head spun again as he relived the gross violation of their life. He shivered and wrapped his arms high on his chest, tucking his chin down as he fought tears. Why? Why Emily? Why did he <\/em>survive, when those around him\u2014<\/em><\/p>\nA door opened in the foyer and he heard the firm tread of his middle brother. He dashed away his tears with the heel of his thumb and started to move out of the chair. One large hand came down on his shoulder, keeping him firmly in place. \u201cDon\u2019t move \u2013 you look like you\u2019re gonna pass out again. I\u2019ll see if I can rustle up some tea or somethin\u2019 back there,\u201d Hoss said, nodding at the back of the house.<\/p>\n
Tea. She had teased him about cowboys and their coffee. She\u2019d bought more; he\u2019d loaded it <\/em>into the buckboard fifteen minutes ago. Fifteen minutes? A lifetime. No, no, no, no. <\/em>That gut-wrenching sob came from him? He stood abruptly and, head still spinning, crossed the room to the closed door that concealed his life, his love and perhaps something else… The door opened in front of him and a surprised and displeased Paul Martin came through the opening.<\/p>\n\u201cWhere do you think you\u2019re going? Not in there.\u201d Paul closed the door firmly behind him and indicated the bundle he held in one arm. \u201cI have someone who would like to meet you, but you have to sit,\u201d he said, guiding him to a deep leather chair.<\/p>\n
Adam stood swaying in front of the chair. He couldn\u2019t bear any more \u2013 he couldn\u2019t face Emily in the person of this new little life. What he had prayed for just a minute before\u2014<\/p>\n
\u201cSit down, Adam, before you fall down. I don\u2019t even know if I should let you\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam sat and took a deep breath. He gave Paul a slight nod and the doctor handed over the baby to his father\u2019s now steady hands. Adam pulled back the edges of the soft swaddling and looked down into the face of his son.<\/p>\n
He laughed. A soft, mad laugh. He had taken everything from Gil now. The child in his arms had dusky black curls, a cleft in his tiny chin, and, as his father stroked the little face, a small dimple appeared on each side of the new-baby yawn.<\/p>\n
A usurper. One brief act of comfort when they were both in too much pain to care for consequences… A confirmation of what had really never been. His mind skittered away from what he knew were the implications, of what lay with his wife…<\/p>\n
He laughed again, handing the baby to Hoss. \u201cOnce,\u201d he spluttered manically. \u201cIt was only once, after Gil \u2013 just once…\u201d Someone pressed a hot cup into his hands and made him drink the hot, sweet brew. It had a bitter aftertaste. Drugged, again. He laughed softly to himself. That was how this had all started…<\/p>\n
\u201cGet your father, Hoss,\u201d was the last thing he heard. \u201cI don\u2019t think he\u2019ll be able\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n
No, he wouldn\u2019t be able to face any of it. He shook off the drug for a moment and knew that he would, he always did. Life goes on, and finds a way. <\/em>He spun into darkness knowing he would find a way…<\/p>\n <\/p>\n
<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Summary:\u00a0 Adam wrestles with guilt over the death of a friend after rustlers set events in motion that no one could foresee.
\nRating:\u00a0 Teen\u00a0\u00a0 Words: 34,350
\nThis story is part of the Sands Series, links to all stories included within.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":12436,"featured_media":41001,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"template-full-width-post.php","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_members_access_role":[],"_members_access_error":""},"categories":[1005,7,23],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-40985","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-adam-cartwright","category-a-u","category-drama","wpcat-1005-id","wpcat-7-id","wpcat-23-id"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/Preserving-Their-Legacy.png?fit=732%2C477&ssl=1","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/40985","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/12436"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=40985"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/40985\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/41001"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=40985"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=40985"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=40985"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}