Pa<\/em>. He dragged his eyes open and saw his father moving toward the bed. He blinked.<\/p>\nSomething was different\u2026<\/p>\n
Ben carefully sat on the bed and looked Adam over gravely. \u201cHello, son. Do you know where you are?\u201d Adam dipped his chin slightly. \u201cAt the Armingers\u2019,\u201d he said at last.<\/p>\n
Ben frowned. \u201cYes,\u201d he said slowly. \u201cDo you remember anything about it?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cA boy\u2026yelling\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
Ben smiled. \u201cI imagine a lot of yelling goes on here, with all those boys \u2013 I mean, do you know why you are here?\u201d \u201cThere\u2026was\u2026a baby \u2013 Libby?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes, Baby Elizabeth.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI think I\u2019m married to her,\u201d he said, slightly lifting a hand toward Emily.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou think \u2013\u201d He patted his son\u2019s knee. \u201cWell, you get some rest, and we\u2019ll talk about it later.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cPa?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes, son.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat year is it?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cPaul\u2019s coming?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYeah. Slim tracked him down \u2013 he was at the Nowells\u2019 place \u2013 Jason had a horse roll on him \u2013 broke his leg in a couple of places.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cOh. That\u2019s bad. We\u2019ll have to send some help over for him and Sally.\u201d<\/p>\n
Ben sat straight at this and laid his hand on Adam\u2019s forehead. They sat in the darkened room, the house eerily quiet in Ben\u2019s mind, without the energetic bustle that he so enjoyed in his son\u2019s young family. Joe had taken the boys out to one of the corrals to watch some new horses being schooled after Adam had woken to another noise-induced bout with nausea. \u201cThe Nowells just bought that ranch last year,\u201d Ben said eagerly.<\/p>\n
\u201cI remember some small things.\u201d Adam sighed. \u201cOther things\u2026I didn\u2019t ask, but I know.<\/p>\n
\u2026Gil\u2019s dead,\u201d he said after a moment.<\/p>\n
\u201cYes,\u201d Ben said quietly.<\/p>\n
Adam blinked, his eyes reflecting a sorrow that he\u2019d long put behind him and with a fear in them that Ben found disturbing. \u201cAnd I married Emily.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHow long did I wait?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cSix months.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cSix months!?\u201d<\/p>\n
Ben watched a wave of guilt wash over his son\u2019s face.<\/p>\n
\u201cAdam, there was nothing wrong with what you did.\u201d Ben stared hard at his son. \u201cYou were hurt \u2013 Emily took care of you after Gil died. I watched your feelings change \u2013 both of you \u2013 I, and everyone else, could see you two falling in love. Just because you knew before that she was an attractive, sweet girl doesn\u2019t mean you let yourself\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDoesn\u2019t it? Let\u2019s just say, if Gil\u2019s dead, I\u2019m not surprised I proposed to Emily.\u201d He closed his eyes wearily. \u201cThough with my luck with women, I can\u2019t believe she said yes.\u201d<\/p>\n
Ben shook his head. \u201cShe loves you, Adam. I think you\u2019ll realize that all over again, even if you don\u2019t regain all of your memory. No one in the territory was surprised when you married Emily,\u201d he said without irony. He patted his son\u2019s leg. \u201cDon\u2019t beat yourself up over it. You, better than anyone, should know that people do fall in love again and remarry. Now, you rest, and you\u2019ll remember everything, and you can go back to worrying about that new string of beef you just spent so much money on.\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam groaned. \u201cHow can I run a ranch when I have no idea of what I was doing?\u201d<\/p>\n
Ben smiled at this. \u201cYou\u2019ll figure it out. Just do what you think you should be doing.\u201d He stood. \u201cI\u2019m going to see what Emily is doing about dinner \u2013 something smells delicious. One thing you sure liked about Emily \u2013 she\u2019s a good cook.\u201d Adam sniffed tentatively and smiled. \u201cYeah, she is.\u201d He blanched under his sunburn and tried to sit suddenly, then subsided at his father\u2019s touch.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat\u2019s the matter?\u201d Ben asked anxiously.<\/p>\n
\u201cN\u2026nothing\u2026I don\u2019t know. She\u2019s a good cook \u2013 I know that\u2026guess I would have known that before, but it scared me \u2013 made me angry.\u201d He raised a shaking hand and scrubbed at his forehead. \u201cI just\u2026can\u2019t\u2026think\u2026. I don\u2019t understand.\u201d \u201c \u2013 the first thing I really remember is someone calling me \u2018Pa.\u2019 Guess it kinda stuck in my mind \u2013 I didn\u2019t think anyone could be calling me that. Maybe I was awake before that \u2013 I remember being hot, thirsty \u2013 but it could have been when Matt was trying to get me to wake up.\u201d<\/p>\n
Doctor Martin wrapped the end of the bandage around Adam\u2019s head tied it off. \u201cWell, what\u2019s the last thing you remember?\u201d Adam closed his eyes, his brows puckering as he tried to pin down the last he remembered doing. \u201cSitting down with Charlie Fitch.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cCharlie Fitch,\u201d Ben exclaimed. \u201cWho?\u201d He looked at his son and the puzzlement in his face was replaced by dawning recognition. \u201cOh, no \u2013 that\u2019s three years.\u201d He looked at the doctor with something akin to panic.<\/p>\n
\u201cBen, it\u2019s early days yet to be worrying \u2013 we\u2019ll see what he remembers after a good night\u2019s sleep. He\u2019s concussed\u2014\u201d \u201cHe\u2019s been concussed before– !\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cPa, please,\u201d Adam whispered, his face pale and set.<\/p>\n
\u201cAll right, out,\u201d demanded Paul, dragging a recalcitrant Ben into the hallway. He looked back over his shoulder at Emily.<\/p>\n
\u201cSee if you can get a little of that tea into him in a bit \u2013 I\u2019ll talk to Ben in the parlor.\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam opened his eyes when the pounding in his head receded somewhat. Emily was moving around the room quietly cleaning up after the doctor.<\/p>\n
\u201cHello. Better?\u201d she asked when she noticed him watching her.<\/p>\n
\u201cYeah.\u201d He blushed as she re-buttoned the neck of his nightshirt \u2013 Paul had been unnecessarily thorough in his examination, he thought. Emily smiled at him in gentle amusement, seeming to read his mind, and he felt his ears burn in embarrassment.<\/p>\n
He cleared his throat and she smiled more broadly at the familiar reaction to an uncomfortable situation. \u201cThink you can keep down some tea?\u201d<\/p>\n
He nodded dumbly and accepted her assistance without demur. He smiled faintly as she took the empty cup. \u201cWithout anyone yelling I feel pretty good, actually. Wish Paul could give me something for this headache, though.\u201d<\/p>\n
Emily sat on the bed, pleased with this complaint. It sounded more like her Adam. \u201cLater \u2013 I think he wants to see how much you\u2019re hurting, once you stop thinking about those stitches.\u201d<\/p>\n
He shook his head ruefully and then winced at the pain the movement caused. \u201cHe just wants to make sure I stay in this bed.\u201d<\/p>\n
Emily chuckled. \u201cProbably.\u201d She sat next to him on the bed. \u201cDo you want me to sleep in the back bedroom?\u201d she asked after a moment.<\/p>\n
His eyebrows crinkled uncertainly and she gave him a playful smile. \u201cI don\u2019t snore, I promise.\u201d His brow cleared and he returned the smile. He sobered, though, as he looked at her.<\/p>\n
One side of her mouth lifted in understanding. \u201cI won\u2019t disappear if you touch me \u2013 I\u2019m not a dream.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes, you are,\u201d he said huskily. \u201cMy life is on the Ponderosa \u2013 an endless round of contracts, cattle, timber, mines\u2026\u201d \u201cYou still do a lot of that \u2013 but you\u2019ve been pretty busy here, too.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI can see that.\u201d<\/p>\n
This time she blushed.<\/p>\n
\u201cYes, well, don\u2019t let it go to your head. You\u2019ll have a lot of work to catch up on when you get back on your feet\u2026\u201d She left the sentence unfinished as he stretched out one hand to tentatively cup her cheek. As if the effort was too much for him, he sighed and dropped his hand, eyelashes fanning his cheeks as his breathing evened out into his first untroubled rest since he\u2019d woken to an uncertain reality.<\/p>\n
\u201cLook how he went around in a circle followin\u2019 those horses.\u201d \u201cLike he was tryin\u2019 to keep a bead on \u2018em,\u201d Roy said speculatively.<\/p>\n
Hoss tipped his hat back on his head and rubbed at his forehead. \u201cYep \u2013 makes me think it weren\u2019t exactly a friendly visit, even from the start.\u201d Hoss knelt in the dirt and touched the dark spot that was his brother\u2019s blood. His lips tightened in a quickly suppressed wave of anger. He\u2019d be no good to Adam if he gave in to his feelings, but the thought of his brother lying in the dirt for hours while his kids searched for him \u2013 it made him practically speechless. He looked up at Peter, sitting so calmly on the pile of boards Adam kept for various repairs around the ranch. He saw the distress beneath the calm \u2013 like Adam had been after Marie\u2019s death \u2013 scared and wondering why, again, but determined to keep going.<\/p>\n
He held out a hand to the boy. Action always made these things seem more bearable. \u2018Step around there, Pete, but look here \u2013 see how we pick up the sign?\u201d He pointed to the footprints on the ground. \u201cSee the slash across that heel impression?\u201d<\/p>\n
Peter nodded.<\/p>\n
\u201cThat\u2019s where your pa came down hard on that spike a couple a\u2019 weeks ago \u2013 remember? \u2013 skidded right off the end of it \u2013 weren\u2019t too sm\u2014 well never mind about that,\u201d he ended, not wanting to undermine his brother. \u201cAnyhow \u2013 that\u2019s yer pa \u2013 look over there and tell me what you see.\u201d<\/p>\n
Peter stepped carefully a few feet away and peered down at the dirt. \u201cThese prints are smaller,\u201d he said finally. \u201cAnd the heel doesn\u2019t have the slash. The rest is all messed up \u2013 Matt\u2019s and Ma\u2019s prints it looks like, Sammy\u2019s, and maybe Mr.<\/p>\n
Drake\u2019s.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThat\u2019s good, Pete. The little feller got off his horse there.\u201d Hoss\u2019s eyes fell on something that had caught Roy\u2019s attention.<\/p>\n
\u201cHey, Pete, what do you say to seein\u2019 if your ma has some lemonade ready?\u201d he asked, not wanting the boy to see what he was sure Roy had found.<\/p>\n
Peter looked solemn, but nodded. \u201cYes, sir.\u201d He shot a glance at Roy and then picked his way carefully to the side of the barn, turning back to look at his uncle.<\/p>\n
Hoss smiled reassuringly. \u201cGo \u2018head, boy, it\u2019ll be all right.\u201d<\/p>\n
Roy bent down to examine a board that had been thrown to the edge of the clearing. One end had bloody streak, the other, the broken off end of a rusty nail. \u201cNasty whack yer brother got \u2013 but he\u2019s lucky this board wasn\u2019t heavier.\u201d He looked at the nail speculatively. \u201cI wonder \u2013\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou thinkin\u2019 whoever used it might need a doc himself, soon?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYep.\u201d<\/p>\n
Hoss smiled grimly. \u201cWell, we\u2019ll be waitin\u2019 for \u2018im \u2013 he could get as far as Placerville before he needs one, I reckon, keeping off the roads.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019ll wire the sheriffs out a bit further.\u201d Roy turned around to examine the ground again. \u201cYa know, Hoss, what I can\u2019t un\u2019erstand is why on earth they were back here in the first place.\u201d<\/p>\n
Hoss lifted his own eyes from the ground. \u201cOnly blind spot on the ranch, Roy.\u201d He pointed up the small rise beyond the barn. \u201cAdam could\u2019ve caught them lookin\u2019 over the place. He wouldn\u2019t be the first small-holder ta be robbed out here.\u201d Roy shook his head. He couldn\u2019t get used to Adam Cartwright as a small rancher. The boy\u2019s resolve not to disrupt his new family\u2019s life he thought admirable, but foolhardy. Even with the resources of a large ranch, there were always men ready to rob and kill, let alone on one of the smaller spreads, which were especially vulnerable. He knew Ben had pressured Adam to build a new house on the Ponderosa, closer in to safety and more conveniently placed, and rent this one out, but Adam had resisted mightily. Roy sometimes wondered if this was Adam\u2019s way of putting distance, literally and figuratively, between himself and the life that had consumed his youth.<\/p>\n
Hoss stood with his hands on his hips, determination in his face, as Roy took a step away, contemplating his next move as he ran his eyes across the clearing one final time. Hoss had always been a gentle man, but he was a Cartwright, and he was riled. Roy knew how Joe would react \u2013 with the quick anger and intrepid courage that always marked the youngest Cartwright. \u201cNow, I don\u2019t want you boys goin\u2019 off half-cocked after these fellas \u2013 we\u2019ll form up a posse and do it right.\u201d \u201cWeren\u2019t thinkin\u2019 of doin\u2019 any other way, Sheriff,\u201d Hoss said absently. He was studying the slope, frowning slightly. \u201cWhat I don\u2019t understand is why Kip wasn\u2019t out here with Adam. That little feller follows him everywhere an\u2019 he especially likes nosin\u2019 around back here.\u201d<\/p>\n
The two men exchanged a sober look and set off up the slope, calling for the little dog as they did a slow, sweeping search for perhaps their only witness.<\/p>\n
Warmth. He tightened his arms around it and breathed in the subtle lavender of the soap she\u2019d made that spring. Soap?<\/p>\n
She? The yielding figure in his arms was definitely a she. He lay, confused, but content with a situation that somehow seemed familiar, and only came to himself as he kissed the soft skin that he found beneath his cheek. He was married. He\u2019d awoken again, not the sober, solitary eldest son of a rancher, but a man with a life that he\u2019d never been able to have.<\/p>\n
He remembered too, the woman he was supposed to be married to, and he drew back; very aware of what had been a friendship and nothing more, and unsettled by the sudden change.<\/p>\n
Emily made a small sound of protest at the withdrawal of the warm comfort of his arms. \u201cJust another minute,\u201d she mumbled, \u201cand then I\u2019ll make the coffee.\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam sighed and moved back against her and tentatively returned his arm to her waist. She pulled the covers up to her nose to ward off the chill morning air and snuggled back against him in a search for more warmth.<\/p>\n
This was too much for him and he pulled away from her abruptly, throwing back the covers and swinging his legs over the side of the bed in one fluid motion. He clutched at his head and groaned. \u201cUgh.\u201d<\/p>\n
He dimly heard the soft thud of Emily\u2019s feet hitting the floor beyond the buzzing roar in his ears and he brought his head up when he realized she was saying his name.<\/p>\n
\u201c\u2014was the worst thing you could have done. I\u2019m sorry, I wasn\u2019t thinking, but you are going to have to get used to the idea that we are married.\u201d<\/p>\n
His vision cleared and he looked at the woman standing in front of him. Clad only in her nightgown, her soft curves were very visible, and he turned his head away, slight color rising in his cheeks.<\/p>\n
She reached out and tipped his chin back so he was looking into her eyes. They were filled with gentle amusement. \u201cI\u2019ll make you some coffee,\u201d she said softly, \u201cbut I want you to get back under those covers. And I promise to be a little more circumspect.\u201d<\/p>\n
There was worry behind the amusement and he took her hand in his. \u201cI\u2019m sorry \u2013 I guess I\u2019m just not going to remember.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI think you will \u2013 you just have to give it some time.\u201d She bent and kissed him lightly on his brow. \u201cThere, is that permissible?\u201d<\/p>\n
He smiled faintly and squeezed her hand. \u201cYeah. I guess I just need some time to get used to everything.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat are you doing out of bed?\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam swung around with a guilty start. He\u2019d found his robe, but slippers were apparently beyond him. \u201cOh, uh\u2026I, uh\u2026\u201d \u201cIn there,\u201d she said, comprehending at last.<\/p>\n
\u201cIn?\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cOr you can still use the outhouse, which I wouldn\u2019t let you get rid of.\u201d<\/p>\n
He peered through the door at the appliance in question. \u201cIs that an earth-closet?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes,\u201d Emily said resignedly. \u201cYou also put a shower-bath in the wash room, which actually works.\u201d<\/p>\n
He smiled. \u201cI\u2019ve taken to tinkering.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes.\u201d She folded her arms and regarded him with a kind of exasperated indulgence that made him feel vaguely guilty.<\/p>\n
\u201cPa would never go for any of my \u2018new-fangled\u2019 ideas\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI wonder why?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m sure I meant well, although why I chose that\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n
She cut him off with smile and a pat to his arm. \u201cYes, you did, sweetheart, and we\u2019ve discussed this all before, even if you don\u2019t remember it. You can think about it over your coffee. I suppose you are well enough to get yourself a cup. Just don\u2019t fall off the back porch if you decide to go that way \u2013 a couple of boards near the steps are loose. I\u2019m going to go take care of Libby.\u201d<\/p>\n
She was gone in a swirl of skirts and he shook his head. How had he succumbed to such a practical girl?<\/p>\n
The boards were indeed loose, and when he bent down to inspect them more closely, he noticed a hammer propped against the lattice. That answered what he had been doing behind the barn, he supposed. The boards were too far gone to be nailed to the joist again, and even the lattice showed some rot. He looked up at the overhang and examined the awkward placement of the gutter. He\u2019d have been better off to bring the whole thing out a few inches\u2026He shook his head. He\u2019d probably been through all this the day before \u2013 he just couldn\u2019t remember it.<\/p>\n
His looked down again when he heard what he thought was a faint whine, and crouched down in the dirt and pulled at the lattice. It came off in his hands and he looked into the dark crawl-space under the porch, his eyes slowly adjusting to the dim light. A small, black and white shape quivered and gave a short, sharp yap. Adam remembered something about a missing dog. Roy and Hoss had searched for him? He\u2019d been too tired and confused to understand last night, but he figured he\u2019d found the dog they were looking for.<\/p>\n
\u2018Hey, boy. What was your name?\u201d<\/p>\n
The little tail thumped in the dirt and the trembling seemed to ease a little.<\/p>\n
\u201cKip, that was it. Come here, boy.\u201d He lay full-length in the dirt and stretched his hands out to try to reach the dog in the narrow space. The dog put his head down on his paws and whined softly and Adam came to the conclusion that he was hurt. He was trying to figure out a way to reach the animal when he felt strong hands grip his hips and shoulders and slide him back into the sunlight.<\/p>\n
\u201cAdam? Son?! Can you hear me? Hoss, get some water\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam groaned as the hands gently but firmly turned him over. \u201cAw, Pa \u2013 it\u2019s early \u2013 what are you doing here?\u201d He sat up and dusted himself off, pulling away from his father\u2019s grip. \u201cDo you always do this?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDo I always check on my son when he\u2019s had his head laid open \u2013 what are you doing lying in the dirt, anyway?\u201d Ben finished defensively.<\/p>\n
Hoss came down the steps with a glass of water, Sammy trailing behind him. \u201cWatch it, Sammy, there\u2019s a couple of loose boards there.\u201d Hoss met his brother\u2019s exasperated glance and grinned at him. \u201cYou get your memory back?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo. But it doesn\u2019t make me incapable of takin\u2019 care of a place, or myself.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAw, that ain\u2019t fair, Adam \u2013 ya just got hurt yesterday.\u201d Hoss gave the glass to Sammy and hauled his brother to his feet. Adam staggered and Ben grabbed at his arm.<\/p>\n
\u201cWatch it \u2013 he\u2019s going to go over, Hoss.\u201d<\/p>\n
Hoss slid his arm around his brother\u2019s torso and gripped Adam\u2019s almost dead-weight tightly. \u201cSee, yer none-too steady yet \u2013 don\u2019t know watcha doin\u2019 out here, anyway.\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam blinked his eyes and tried to clear his head. \u201cI\u2019m sorry \u2013 didn\u2019t mean to snap your head off. I found the pup, though.<\/p>\n
Maybe one of the kids can get under there\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
Hoss smiled and Sammy danced around, his shock at his father almost fainting forgotten in his excitement over the family dog. \u201cYa found him, Pa? That\u2019s great \u2013 I\u2019ll get him out!\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNot by yourself \u2013 get Pete or Matt to help,\u201d he shook his head slightly. \u201cPa \u2013 could you \u2013 Hoss \u2013 you organize the boys\u2014\u201d Ben understood the disjointed instructions and took Adam from Hoss with a quiet \u201cKeep them busy.\u201d<\/p>\n
Hoss nodded and with a final worried glance at his brother, took the boy back around the porch to have a look at the dog. Paul Martin sat down heavily in the chair Adam usually inhabited, placing his bag carefully beside it. He shook his head and looked up at Ben, who had paused in his pacing to stare intensely at his old friend. \u201cI don\u2019t know, Ben. It\u2019s no better this morning. It could be temporary, but Adam may have to face losing the last three years.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThis could be permanent?\u201d Ben asked softly, shocked.<\/p>\n
\u201cSame kind of trauma \u2013 same place — with his memory stopping there. I don\u2019t know \u2013 there was no permanent damage last time\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
Ben looked pained and then angry. \u201cThat was a long time ago, Paul. You think what happened then has something to do with this?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI don\u2019t know\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n
Emily came down the hall from the back of the house, a tray of coffee and cake in her hands. \u201cHe\u2019s asleep. I could have Peter sit with him\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo need for that \u2013 he didn\u2019t hurt himself \u2013 just try to keep him as quiet as possible. No more rescuing dogs, although he could sit out here if he wanted.\u201d Paul stared vaguely into the empty fireplace. \u201cVery puzzling \u2013 Adam\u2019s injury. He\u2019s been hit harder in the past\u2026\u201d He trailed off, mulling over his patient\u2019s condition.<\/p>\n
Ben looked intently at his old friend. \u201cWhat are you trying to say?\u201d<\/p>\n
Paul leaned back in his chair and put his elbows on the arms, steepling his fingers in thought. He seemed to consider his words carefully. \u201cIt could be fear \u2013 something happened out there that disturbed him so much he doesn\u2019t want to remember it.\u201d<\/p>\n
Emily shook her head. \u201cThat\u2019s not Adam \u2013 he wouldn\u2019t give in to fear that way.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo,\u201d said Ben slowly. He looked at his daughter-in-law speculatively as she handed him a cup of coffee \u2013 if there was one thing that scared Adam, it was losing another member of his family. \u201cThank you, my dear.\u201d<\/p>\n
She returned his stare, first with puzzlement then with dawning comprehension.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou think someone threatened to harm me, or the children?\u201d<\/p>\n
Ben nodded and took another cup for Doctor Martin. \u201cSomething like that. The one thing he fears most.\u201d He paused and sat down in one of the high-backed wooden chairs that flanked the fireplace, taking a piece of cake from his daughter-inlaw, and thinking of his own losses and how much he missed each of his wives.<\/p>\n
He brought his head up. \u201cWell,\u201d he said positively. \u201cRoy is supposed to meet us here with a posse \u2013 we\u2019ll track down whoever attacked Adam, and that will be the end of it.\u201d<\/p>\n
Emily smiled at him. She loved his carry-all-before him nature and found him an interesting counterpoint to his more brooding and intellectual son. Although from what Adam had told her, Ben was not immune to giving in to the buffets of life. Adam hadn\u2019t said much, but enough that she picked up on the sadness in Ben\u2019s eyes. She often wondered why such a vital and attractive man had never married again \u2013 perhaps it was too much, even for him\u2026<\/p>\n
Whispering. The boys\u2026what were those rascals up to now?<\/p>\n
\u201cPa?\u201d<\/p>\n
He knew to answer this time. \u201cHmm?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cMama wants to know if you want to eat with us or in here.\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam opened one eye and Matt crowed. \u201cToldja \u2013 one eye. Gimme the toad.\u201d<\/p>\n
Sammy scrunched up his lips in disappointment and put a grubby hand in his pocket to extract the creature.<\/p>\n
Adam shook his head fractionally and rolled his eyes. At least he hadn\u2019t lost his nose for mischief-making along with his memory. \u201cPut him outside in a bucket and go wash up, boys. Tell your mother that I\u2019ll eat out there.\u201d<\/p>\n
The chorus of yes sirs was followed by a flurry of elbows to secure first place out of the room.<\/p>\n
\u201cBoys, take it\u2014\u201d Adam sank back into the pillows and closed his eyes again. He felt old and tired.<\/p>\n
He dragged himself out of bed and crossed over to the mirror. He looked old and tired. What had Doc Martin said? Three years? He lifted the bandage that was wrapped around his head. Still no grey in his hair. Definitely not taking after his father. He\u2019d somehow managed to lose quite a bit of weight, despite Emily\u2019s cooking. Something buzzed in his head \u2013 a memory? Something his father had said? He rubbed the bridge of his nose and sighed, suddenly too drained even to wash up and get dressed.<\/p>\n
The door opened slowly behind him and Emily smiled at him in the mirror. \u201cYou don\u2019t need to come out and eat with us \u2013 Fanny could very easily make you a tray.\u201d She crossed the room and gently pulled him around to face her. \u201cYou look tired.<\/p>\n
I think you ought to lie down.\u201d<\/p>\n
His lips lifted in a wry grin. \u201cDo you always coddle me like this?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cOnly when you need it, which isn\u2019t often.\u201d<\/p>\n
He stared down at her for a moment. She looked older too, but not much. Some of the softness had left her face, but she was still so pretty\u2026<\/p>\n
She saw the change in his expression and smiled. \u201cOh, no. You\u2019re not well enough for that,\u201d she said as she pulled him across the room to try to get him into bed.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m sick of being stuck in bed.\u201d He sat but kept his feet firmly on the floor.<\/p>\n
Emily raised her eyebrows at the almost-whine. \u201cYou really think you can stand the kids?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIs that why you sent them in here?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes, of course.\u201d<\/p>\n
He gave up and got under the covers. \u201cDevious woman.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNot devious \u2013 I just let them win the argument for me.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cSomehow I don\u2019t think I win many arguments around here.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou win plenty.\u201d She shifted some pillows around and gave him another to lean against. \u201cIf you\u2019re lonely, Joe will be by later.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhere are Pa and Hoss?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThey went with the posse, remember? After Dr. Martin was here?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cOh, yeah,\u201d he said uncertainly.<\/p>\n
Her eyes softened at the frustration in his face and, perching on the edge of the bed, she reached out and caressed his cheek. \u201cPaul said you might have all sorts of trouble with your memory, especially if you\u2019re tired or there\u2019s too much going on around you. That\u2019s why I want you to stay quiet and rest up.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIf I \u2018rest up\u2019 any more I\u2019ll\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n
She stopped him with a finger to his lips. \u201cI\u2019ll bring your tray in and stay with you, if you like, but I have to feed Libby first.<\/p>\n
You can eat supper with the kids, if you feel up to it, and besides, Joe will be here then.\u201d<\/p>\n
He put his head back against the pillows as she closed the door. \u201cDefinitely don\u2019t win many arguments\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat are you doing?\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam looked over his shoulder and finished toweling off his face. \u201cShaving.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI can see that.\u201d Emily crossed the room, straightened the bed, and turned to look him up and down. She smiled. \u201cMuch better. You almost look like you could do a good day\u2019s work.\u201d<\/p>\n
He grinned back at her. \u201cSomehow I think that\u2019s probably all I ever do around here.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNever bothered you before.\u201d<\/p>\n
His smile faded and he touched the scar just beneath his collarbone. \u201cWhat\u2019s this from?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou got shot.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI can see that.\u201d He moved closer to her and gently grasped her upper arms. \u201cHow? And what else am I not<\/p>\n
remembering?\u201d<\/p>\n
She shook her head. \u201cThere\u2019s too much to tell. In time, if you don\u2019t remember, we will, but right now Paul wants to see how much you\u2019ll remember on your own.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI don\u2019t want to wait \u2013 I want to know everything.\u201d His eyes ran over her face. \u201cI\u2019ve missed all of it;\u201d he whispered, \u201cI think some of the best parts of my life.\u201d<\/p>\n
She slipped a finger into the waistband of his jeans and pulled him towards her. He accepted the overture and put his arms around her, although she could feel the tension in him — the earth had shifted beneath his feet and he was in a new place, and she didn\u2019t know if she could find the words to make it better. She took a deep breath and tightened her arms around him. Was this even her Adam, she wondered all at once, or had he reverted to a younger, more untested version of himself. She thought back to how he\u2019d been the year before Gil died. Cockier, a little arrogant, definitely less even-tempered; he\u2019d been the good-looking son of a wealthy neighbor \u2013 very kind and surprisingly, educated, but she\u2019d been busy building a home with Gil\u2026<\/p>\n
She stiffened and pulled away a little without even realizing it, but he could tell, and looked down at her, bewildered and a little hurt.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat?\u201d he asked.<\/p>\n
\u201cNothing, Adam.\u201d<\/p>\n
He couldn\u2019t figure out what he had done wrong and he backed away, retreating, as he had in the past, as he rarely did any longer. He stared at her for a moment and then sighed. \u201cAll right. I want to go outside and look around. Do I have any clean shirts?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIn the wardrobe.\u201d She pulled herself together, whatever was wrong, and crossed the room to open the doors to a wardrobe that he recognized as one from the Ponderosa. She saw him looking at it and smiled ruefully. \u201cGil and I shared one. Somehow, Cartwright money buys a lot of dresses and suits\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
He stepped close to her and tipped up her chin. \u201cI changed your life,\u201d he said; half statement, half question.<\/p>\n
Her face relaxed and she put her hand up to cover his. \u201cNo, Adam. My life changed, and you helped me through it.\u201d She pulled his face down to hers and pressed a quick, hard kiss to his lips. \u201cYou always were a dear, so memories or not, you\u2019re still my Adam.\u201d<\/p>\n
She was gone in a whirl of skirts and Adam put a hand on one hip, a bemused expression on his face as he brought the other to his still-tingling mouth. Now he knew where the kids got it from. He smiled to himself and pulled out a clean black shirt.<\/p>\n
Adam stepped on to the back porch and took a deep breath. He ran his hand over his now clean-shaven cheeks, absently rubbing at the slowly fading burn. The boys had been set to finding strawberries in the mostly picked-over patch. From the kitchen window he could hear Libby giving Emily a hard time over something. That baby was a handful, he thought vaguely as his eyes went to the shed that probably held gardening equipment. He felt a start of guilt and responsibility as he remembered the baby in question was his. Was this really what he had wanted? All these kids? They probably got to San Francisco once a year, if they were lucky, and he would bet that he had very little time to read.<\/p>\n
He stood straight as he heard Little Gil\u2019s voice pipe up, asking his mother for \u2018outside.\u2019 He could do something about that. There was a child\u2019s wagon, with high, slatted sides, parked in front of the shed, and he set off to retrieve the little vehicle, putting aside his doubts and questions for the time being, at least.<\/p>\n
Joe came over the crest of the hill and stopped to look down at his eldest brother\u2019s ranch. He grinned when he saw Adam pulling the kids\u2019 wagon around in the yard with what looked like Little Gil and Libby in it. Adam playing nursery maid \u2013 that was a rare sight. Joe was about to urge Cochise on when he realized what his brother was doing. The wagon tracks clearly showed that Adam had made a complete circuit of the home corral and barn, and was starting on the other side of the ranch house. He probably was not supposed to be outside even, and he was busy inspecting the place. Joe squinted up at the sun. At least it wasn\u2019t as hot as it had been, but he wondered if Emily knew what Adam was up to and where on earth that useless Fanny had gotten to.<\/p>\n
Adam rounded the side of the house to see a familiar figure swing off Cochise, but the man who turned to greet him was not the little brother he remembered. Self-assured eyes met his on equal terms and Adam gripped his brother\u2019s hand hard, not trusting his voice. Joe was twenty-three, he calculated quickly, and showed every year that Adam was missing. \u201cJoe\u2014\u201d he started.<\/p>\n
Joe tore his eyes from the surprise and doubt in his brother\u2019s face to look down at the boys, who\u2019d abandoned their baskets of berries. \u201cYou fellas help Pete put Cochise up \u2013 I need to talk to your pa.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYea \u2013 Cooch!\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cTake it easy,\u201d he yelled after them. He turned back to see Adam still watching him, and he flushed a little.<\/p>\n
\u201cDo I look that different?\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam grabbed his arm and squeezed it and grinned. \u201cNa \u2013 you look great, Joe, and you\u2019re a sight for sore eyes \u2013 I\u2019m \u2018bout ready to go out of my mind bein\u2019 stuck here.\u201d<\/p>\n
Joe returned the grin, fully appreciating the unspoken \u2018with these kids.\u2019 Adam might enjoy his role as husband and father, but Joe knew that his heart was still with the land he grew up on. Older brother hadn\u2019t let his brains do the thinking when he\u2019d so doggedly pursued the newly widowed Mrs. Arminger, and Joe had the feeling that there were times when Adam felt like he\u2019d be pulled in two by the twin demands of his family and the Ponderosa. He admired his brother\u2019s ability to take care of his family and still keep up with most of the work he had done before, but today the drive and competence seemed to be overcome by a weary disbelief and exasperation.<\/p>\n
Adam\u2019s eyes crinkled up again and some of the assurance came back into his face. \u201c\u2018sides, you\u2019re the only one who hasn\u2019t tried to stick me in bed the moment you saw me.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHuh, well, you look as if you could do with a cup of coffee, at least.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cPapa \u2013 Unca Jo \u2013\u201d<\/p>\n
Joe crouched down next to the wagon. \u201cHey, Gil. Your pa take you for a ride?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYep.\u201d Gil beamed. \u201cWent evewywhere.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI can see that,\u201d Joe said ironically, shooting a reproachful glance at his brother. He tugged on the deep peak of Libby\u2019s bonnet. \u201cHey there, little lady \u2013 can you spare a hello for your uncle or are you gonna watch that horse all afternoon?\u201d Libby\u2019s eyes finally met his as he moved into her line of sight. \u201cDa!\u201d she crowed.<\/p>\n
\u201cYeah, well, I don\u2019t think your pa is ever going to let you on Cochise. How about a nice, quiet pony in a couple of years?\u201d Adam rolled his eyes. \u201cDon\u2019t encourage her. That one is really going to keep me hopping, as it is.\u201d<\/p>\n
Joe laughed. \u201cYeah. Gonna be a real looker, too.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIf there was any justice in this world\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI know, she\u2019d be mine. At least you haven\u2019t lost all of your marbles \u2013 you can still come up with the same lines.\u201d \u201cDo I really say that?\u201d<\/p>\n
Joe picked up his niece and smiled at her, tickling her tummy until she forgot about Cochise amidst her giggles. \u201cYou bet.\u201d He followed Adam as he pulled the wagon back towards the shed.<\/p>\n
Adam swung Gil into the air. \u201cOut you come.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThor, Pa.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat?\u201d<\/p>\n
Joe grinned. \u201cThat\u2019s your new bull. And you got a whole new string of beef.\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam settled Gil on one hip and flipped back the wagon handle. \u201cOh, yeah, I think Pa said something about that. I sank a lot of money into it?\u201d<\/p>\n
Joe nodded his head towards the one line of fence that Adam hadn\u2019t explored. \u201cYou\u2019ve got a pasture down here that you fenced off just for him.\u201d<\/p>\n
There was no sign of the bull, which made Adam vaguely uneasy.<\/p>\n
Joe saw the look and tried to head off his brother\u2019s concern. \u201cAw, he\u2019s probably behind one of those hillocks \u2013 can\u2019t see them too great from this distance \u2013 you were talking about flattening them actually\u2026\u201d His eyebrows snapped together as he brought his gaze back from the pasture. \u201cNo bully today, Gil,\u201d he said, keeping his eyes on his brother\u2019s face. \u201cHere, why don\u2019t you give your pa a break and walk back with me? Bet your ma has some nice milk an\u2019 cookies for us.\u201d As discretely as possible, he hustled his brother and the kids back to the cool dim comfort of the house, silently chastising his brother for pushing himself too hard, too soon.<\/p>\n
Joe pushed Adam into a chair and went to find Fanny.<\/p>\n
Adam closed his eyes and leaned back into the high-backed wing chair. His head was buzzing again as he hazily listened to a light, dragging sound and thump that repeated several times as it got closer to him. Something wet sniffed at the hand that he\u2019d let dangle over the arm of the chair and he pulled back, startled, as he opened his eyes to see the little dog he\u2019d found that morning.<\/p>\n
\u201cHey, pup, come to visit, huh?\u201d He peered down at the canine\u2019s legs, recognizing the doctor\u2019s handiwork in the cast on the animal\u2019s back left leg. \u201cI see the doc fixed you up\u2026 said he double bills for animals, you know\u2026 something\u2019 about hazard pay\u2026\u201d Adam let his eyes close again. \u201cDon\u2019t think either of us is going to be much use around here, for a while\u2026\u201d Joe, relieved of his burdens, came back into the parlor to find his brother asleep in his chair, Kip\u2019s muzzle resting on his boot…<\/p>\n
Adam leaned on the corral fence and looked out at the horses moving around lazily in the slanting rays of the still-warm summer sun. It would set in another half hour, and he felt a great deal of relief mixed in with some guilt. The kids would hopefully be bathed and ready for bed by the time he returned to the house. Dinner had been a strain, putting a crease between his brows that had earned him some uneasy looks from Peter and Matthew. Even relatively subdued, they were a lively bunch, chattering about their day and looking forward to what tomorrow would bring. The noise finally got to be too much for Adam and he’d excused himself to seek the quiet and solitude of the front yard.<\/p>\n
One of the hands crossed to the corral. Adam had to look twice at him before he recognized the man. \u201cSlim?\u201d The hand straightened up, coiling a length of rope that had been left in the dirt.<\/p>\n
\u201cYep.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat happened to your nose?\u201d<\/p>\n
Slim\u2019s eyebrows rose and fell with a quick jerk and he spat in the dirt, too close to Adam\u2019s feet to be accidental.<\/p>\n
\u201cGuess you\u2019d say we had a disagreement.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDo we need to have another \u2018disagreement\u2019?\u201d Adam asked, irked by the man\u2019s insolence.<\/p>\n
Slim looked at him impassively. \u201cNah. Don\u2019t hold it aginst ya.\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam\u2019s lips tightened in puzzled disapproval and he eyed the hand suspiciously, finally focusing on what Slim was doing instead. \u201cThose kids leave that rope out here? I don\u2019t want you cleaning up after them.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI left it out \u2013 was teachin\u2019 young Pete how ta rope a steer when Sammy set up a screech that yer hoss was still in the barn. Plum fergot the rope was out here.\u201d<\/p>\n
Slim turned on his heel and ambled off, the rope over one shoulder.<\/p>\n
\u201cOld softie,\u201d Adam muttered under his breath. His head came up at a different thought and he shouted after Slim. \u201cYou spoil those kids and you\u2019ll make my job twice as hard!\u201d<\/p>\n
Slim paused in the doorway to the barn. He tipped his hat back and Adam thought he saw a brief flash of satisfaction cross the weathered face. \u201cYep, reckon so.\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam shook his head in exasperation and turned to see Joe walking towards him. He grunted and turned back to the rail.<\/p>\n
\u201cNice to see you, too. What\u2019s wrong?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNuthin\u2019.\u201d Adam turned towards his brother with one of his wry half-smiles. \u201cNothing.\u201d His eyes went over Joe\u2019s shoulder to take in the low slung ranch house, with its deep-set, solid windows, rock fa\u00e7ade, and heavily timbered roof. It clearly showed its designer\u2019s hand, and Adam wondered what Emily had thought when she saw that her home would not be a primly clapboarded farmhouse, but a sprawling ranch, built to last many lifetimes, as solid as the mountains that surrounded it.<\/p>\n
\u201cGuess you remember drawing that up for Gil,\u201d Joe said quietly.<\/p>\n
\u201cYes. He wanted something that would fit the landscape\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam\u2019s gaze moved to the field next to the house and Joe watched in amusement. \u201cThat was supposed to be a garden. I think Emily has a secret deal with Hop Sing to supply the whole Chinese community with greens. Don\u2019t know where else it all could be going.\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam\u2019s smile faded as he looked at the tidy plot. The whole yard exuded an air of prosperity and hard won tranquility. The fences were straight and in good repair, and it looked like someone regularly raked the gravel drive. A fledgling vine that he recognized as a cutting from the one that grew over the front porch of the Ponderosa was winding up the last pillar on the porch, and tidy groups of flowers ran the length of a bed of some dark green bush that he didn\u2019t know the name of. He rubbed his forehead as if that could rouse some memory of this life, but there was almost nothing, only a few irrelevant details. He expelled a quick breath of frustration and turned to lean his arms on the high rails of the corral. He felt a hand on his shoulder and felt comforted by the quick squeeze that Joe gave him.<\/p>\n
\u201cI brought some sugar out \u2013 you want to see the riding stock?\u201d<\/p>\n
Joe had picked something neutral, Adam thought, trying to ease him into reality. He gave Joe another wry smile for his efforts. \u201cSure. Who\u2019s first?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWell\u2026\u201d Joe clicked his tongue and gave a low whistle. A big black came over, and shouldered aside a hopeful young mare that had trotted along the fence.<\/p>\n
Adam patted the strong neck. \u201cThat\u2019s no way to treat a lady. Get out of here.\u201d He reached towards the grey mare. \u201cWhat\u2019s her name?\u201d<\/p>\n
Joe craned his neck to look up into the barn loft. It looked like the kids had been building a fort up there again, and he wondered if Adam would even notice. He tried to ignore his brother\u2019s increasing unease, but the effort was unsuccessful. \u201cThis is Penelope and that\u2019s Dorcas over there,\u201d he said, pointing to two jennies. Sport brought his head out over his door, as did another big black.<\/p>\n
Adam reached out a hand to rub the chestnut\u2019s nose. \u2018Hey, boy,\u201d he whispered. \u201cBet you\u2019d like to get some exercise.\u201d The black whinnied and Adam laughed. \u201cJealous, huh?\u201d<\/p>\n
Joe grinned. \u201cThey get along real well, after two years. Palladin and Sport, though\u2014\u201d He whistled. \u201cThose two are always trying to outdo each other\u2026\u201d He stopped; Adam was no longer listening, but was patting the black absently.<\/p>\n
He smiled ruefully at his brother and clapped him on the arm. \u201cGo in, Adam. I gotta go, anyway \u2013 don\u2019t want to get back too late.\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam focused on Joe\u2019s face and raised one eyebrow.<\/p>\n
Joe grinned. \u201cWell, I am three years older. And it is a weeknight.\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam smiled and relaxed visibly. \u201cIt really is true, then,\u201d he teased. \u201cAre you sure it hasn\u2019t been ten years?\u201d<\/p>\n
Joe playfully punched at his brother\u2019s stomach. \u201cGet in there \u2013 kiss your kids goodnight and tell Emily how much you love her, memories or not.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBut I don\u2019t\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n
Joe grabbed his brother\u2019s arm. \u201cAdam — Emily and this place, and those kids, were the best thing that ever happened to you. I don\u2019t think you\u2019d still be here if you hadn\u2019t a\u2019 married her. You were fit ta bust, as Hoss would say.\u201d He looked at the ground briefly. \u201cYou had an itch to your feet, and I think we all were lucky that you didn\u2019t just light out one day.\u201d Adam looked taken aback. He had never confided in his family his longing to get away and do something on his own, or the long-suppressed desire to see more of the world.<\/p>\n
Joe moved over to the next stall and pulled his blanket off the door. Cochise poked his head out and snuffled at his shoulder. \u201cYeah, we\u2019re goin\u2019 home, if I can convince my big lug of a brother to face his responsibilities.\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam straightened his back and glowered down at Joe. He\u2019d filled out some, but Adam couldn\u2019t resist giving back some of his own. \u201cYou need help with that saddle? You\u2019re still a mite puny \u2013 oof.\u201d<\/p>\n
Joe swung the saddle into his arms without warning and smiled up at him, giving him a wink. \u201cYou just keep it up, old man, and I\u2019ll forget I offered to help you find another job for Fanny.\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam pushed the saddle back at his brother with a frown. \u201cWhat\u2019s the matter with Fanny?\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cPa?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYeah, Matt?\u201d Adam was a large dark form in the doorway of the boys\u2019 room.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhen are you gonna remember us?\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam heard the plaintive note in the boy\u2019s question and crossed the room to sit on the low, child\u2019s bed. \u201cI don\u2019t know.\u201d Matt sniffed. \u201cIt\u2019s like you ain\u2019t our pa no more. You don\u2019t even want to be around us.\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam pulled Matt into his arms. \u201cNo, Matt \u2013 I do want to be around you kids, but too much noise or fuss just makes me sick right now.\u201d He tucked the head of blond curls under his chin. \u201cYou know how you feel when you have a fever, or when you\u2019re so tired you can\u2019t really think right?\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam felt rather than saw the slight nod.<\/p>\n
\u201cWell, that\u2019s how I felt after a while at dinner, and this afternoon, when\u2026Uncle Joe was here. I\u2019ll be better, probably in a couple of days even, but I might not ever remember everything.\u201d His eyes lifted to meet the other boys\u2019. Peter was lying propped on one elbow, Sammy was sitting up in his bed, and Gil was already asleep, thumb in mouth, tightly clutching his stuffed dog, behind the bars of his tiny bed.<\/p>\n
\u201cMeanwhile, you fellas are just going to have to put up with Pa being a little grumpy and quiet.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cLike when you\u2019re in one of your \u2018moods.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam\u2019s eyebrows pulled together and he looked at Peter. \u201cMa said it \u2013 ta Uncle Hoss last week. They didn\u2019t know I was there.\u201d He saw the look on his father\u2019s face and tried a better defense. \u201cI was getting\u2019 somethin\u2019 outa the cellar\u2026Aw, Pa, Uncle Hoss only wanted to ask ya to do something for him\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI just don\u2019t want you eavesdropping \u2013 \u201d Adam disengaged himself from Matt and tucked the boy back in, giving the curls a quick stroke. He turned to Peter and repeated the movements. \u201cYou never know when you might hear something bad about yourself,\u201d he commented with a wink.<\/p>\n
Sammy pulled his blankets up and threw himself on his pillows. Adam picked up a couple of loose feathers from the floor and tut-tutted. \u201cNero and Lady won\u2019t appreciate you wasting these feathers \u2013 take it easy with those pillows.\u201d Sammy pulled a grimace at the mention of his nemesis. \u201cThat crazy ol\u2019 goose \u2013 I\u2019d like to pull out all a\u2019 his feathers. Can\u2019t we eat him fer Christmas or somethin\u2019, Pa?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNope. Too old, too tough.\u201d Adam tucked in the blankets that he somehow knew Emily would find pushed out and askew the next morning.<\/p>\n
Sammy\u2019s blue eyes glowed. \u201cMama could stew him \u2013 just like ol\u2019\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThat\u2019s enough, Sammy. Goodnight,\u201d Adam interrupted firmly. \u201cNo livestock decisions tonight.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201c\u2018night, Pa.\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam turned in the doorway. \u201cGoodnight, boys.\u201d<\/p>\n
He closed the door most of the way and turned down the hallway lamp. He turned towards the baby\u2019s room, pinching the bridge of his nose and then rubbing at his aching forehead. He\u2019d have to take another of Doctor Martin\u2019s powders or he\u2019d never be able to sleep.<\/p>\n
Emily was sitting in the rocking chair facing the open window. The deep sill housed a collection of home-made dolls and animals, with the distinct shape of a bull among them. Adam carefully set aside a few of the animals and sat on the sill, blocking what little light came from the window, and casting Emily and the baby in a shadow. He realized what he had done and made as if to move when Emily whispered \u201cStay \u2013 it\u2019s all right \u2013 she\u2019s nearly done.\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam\u2019s eyes adjusted to the darkness and he watched Libby twine her mother\u2019s hair around her finger. Emily had let it down and the curls lay on her shoulders and cascaded over the front of her blouse. He couldn\u2019t ever remember seeing it loose before, but he supposed he had seen it often enough. His jaw worked for a moment. He could remember the name of that damned goose, but he couldn\u2019t remember Emily as anything but a friend\u2019s wife. His gaze dropped to the baby, drowsily finishing her bedtime feeding. He couldn\u2019t even remember the existence of his own daughter. He got up abruptly, wanting out again, wanting the crazy whirl that was his mind to fix on something close to familiar ground. He paced the room twice and then stopped as Emily rose to put the baby in her crib. She hadn\u2019t let him hold Libby at all that day, afraid there would be a repeat of the morning\u2019s wooziness.<\/p>\n
\u201cEmily,\u201d he whispered. \u201cCould I hold her, just for a minute?\u201d<\/p>\n
She looked him over carefully, trying, despite the dark, to see if he was really as steady as he sounded. \u201cShe\u2019s almost asleep \u2013 don\u2019t jostle her.\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam raised an eyebrow. \u201cI don\u2019t think I\u2019ve forgotten how to handle a baby.\u201d He took Libby carefully and looked down at the sleepy little face. \u201cShe\u2019s got Joe\u2019s green eyes,\u201d he said softly. \u201cI always thought that came from Marie\u2019s side. I couldn\u2019t believe the resemblance when he was holding her this afternoon.\u201d<\/p>\n
Emily smiled. \u201cYour father was very pleased about that.\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam\u2019s arms tightened around Libby. His father would be pleased, he thought, after the continuing sorrow of Marie\u2019s failed pregnancies. Any child who resembled Joe even a little would go some way to easing that old wound.<\/p>\n
Adam cocked his head at the sound of horses. \u201cSpeak of the\u2014\u201d he said softly. \u201cSorry, little one \u2013 I think our getting acquainted is going to have to wait. I bet that\u2019s your grandfather right now.\u201d Heavy footsteps reverberated on the porch and the sound of a cautious knock wafted through the open window.<\/p>\n
\u201c\u2014they\u2019re still up \u2013 the lamps are still lit.\u201d Ben\u2019s voice came through the window and Emily rolled her eyes.<\/p>\n
\u201cI knew I should have closed that\u2014\u201d She took the baby from Adam, but it was too late. The green eyes were bright and curious, searching for the \u2018gampa\u2019 the mouth couldn\u2019t articulate just yet.<\/p>\n
\u201cDa!\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes, Da, but you are supposed to go to sleep, young lady\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam closed the door to the nursery quietly, but not hopefully. If Emily got that baby down it would be quite a feat. The front doors were both open to the finally cool evening air, and Adam was surprised his father hadn\u2019t simply walked in.<\/p>\n
\u201cPa.\u201d He looked beyond his father, searching for his brother. \u201cWasn\u2019t Hoss with you?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHe\u2019s giving the horses a quick rub-down.\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam nodded and motioned his father to follow him to the kitchen. \u201cI\u2019ll make some coffee. I have a feeling we\u2019ll have a little visitor. Emily was just putting Libby down when she heard your voice. Bright-eyed and bushy tailed right away\u2014\u201d Ben grinned. \u201cSorry, son \u2013 didn\u2019t mean to do that.\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam caught the tail end of the grin as he looked up from feeding wood into the stove. \u201cHuh. You\u2019re mighty happy \u2018bout that even so.\u201d<\/p>\n
Ben crossed his arms across his chest and beamed. \u201cAnd why wouldn\u2019t I want to see my granddaughter? She\u2019s the first Cartwright born in\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYeah, Pa, I know \u2013 \u2018twenty-three years\u2019.\u201d<\/p>\n
Ben\u2019s eyebrows shot up. \u201cYou remember that?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYeah.\u201d Adam put the lid on the coffee pot and put it a little too forcefully on the stove.<\/p>\n
\u201cI can remember the goose,\u201d he said bitterly, \u201cbut I can\u2019t remember holding my child, or\u2026\u201d \u201cLoving Emily,\u201d Ben said quietly.<\/p>\n
\u201cYeah.\u201d Adam lifted his eyes from the stovetop and Ben was surprised at the pain they held.<\/p>\n
\u201c\u2014your grandfather is going to tell you that good little girls go to bed when they\u2019re told to\u2014\u201d Ben\u2019s face lit in pleasure as he dragged his attention from his son. \u201cThere\u2019s my girl.\u201d \u201cPaa-paa-paa-paa!\u201d Emily clapped her hands and kicked at her mother\u2019s hip.<\/p>\n
\u201cShe clapped!\u201d Ben held out his arms as he met Emily\u2019s wry smile with one his own. \u201cIf you don\u2019t mind my dirt?\u201d \u201cI don\u2019t think she\u2019ll go down otherwise.\u201d<\/p>\n
Hoss took a sip of coffee and put his cup back in the saucer. \u201cI reckon they joined up with the road to Carson \u2018cuz they knew we\u2019d lose \u2018em there. It\u2019s a busy road and they could double back real easy if they wanted.\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam rubbed a hand hard into the aching muscles of the back of his neck; it had been a long day for him and Hoss\u2019s words only added to the sense of unease that he had been feeling all evening. \u201cI\u2019m gonna post a guard tonight.\u201d He looked up at Ben, who he found to be studying him closely. \u201cI\u2019m fine, Pa \u2013 just need to get some sleep.\u201d He fingered the handle of his coffee cup. \u201cThere is something that\u2019s been nagging at me all day, but for the life of me, I can\u2019t pin it down.\u201d He pushed the heel of his hand into his forehead and leaned back in his chair.<\/p>\n
Ben frowned. Adam\u2019s coffee had been mostly milk and sugar, but the warm drink had not had the soothing effect Ben had been trying for. He caught Hoss\u2019s eye and jerked his head towards the door.<\/p>\n
Hoss took the hint and stood. \u201cI\u2019ll tell Eddie, if ya like. Newsome\u2019s the one ya want fer that \u2013 never knew a body more fer wantin\u2019 ta talk all night.\u201d<\/p>\n
Ben\u2019s mouth lifted into a slight smile. Newsome had been the one hand to follow Adam from the Ponderosa. While he liked to hear the sound of his own voice a little too much for Ben\u2019s liking, he had an unfaltering loyalty to Adam, and had made an excellent trail boss on the increasingly frequent instances when Adam couldn\u2019t boss a drive.<\/p>\n
\u201cAdam?\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam raised his head but kept his eyes on his cup, only bringing them up when his father repeated his name. \u201cHmm?\u201d \u201cHoss said he\u2019ll get Newsome to ride guard tonight.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYeah, fine,\u201d Adam said vaguely.<\/p>\n
Hoss and Ben exchanged a worried look.<\/p>\n
Adam took a deep breath and finally focused his eyes on his father\u2019s face. \u201cI\u2019m sorry \u2013 what did you say?\u201d \u201cHoss will ask Newsome to ride guard tonight,\u201d Ben repeated patiently and slowly.<\/p>\n
Adam raised an eyebrow at his father\u2019s manner and stood up, stretching his neck gingerly and then holding his hand out to Hoss. \u201cThanks.\u201d<\/p>\n
Hoss took the hand and put his other on Adam\u2019s shoulder and squeezed lightly. \u201cYou take it easy \u2013 I don\u2019t want ta hear you keeled over an\u2019 split yer fool head open again.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019ll behave, I promise.\u201d<\/p>\n
Hoss grunted. \u201cUh, huh \u2013 jest like you were today.\u201d He picked his hat up off the table and went to say his goodbyes to Emily.<\/p>\n
\u201cHe\u2019s right, you know. Emily said you were prowling all over the place today. You were supposed to at least stay inside.\u201d Adam emptied the coffee pot and scraped the grounds into the can Emily kept under the sink. \u201cI had to get out, Pa. I had to see\u2026my life,\u201d he said quietly. He pumped fresh water into the pot to rinse it out and placed it carefully on the grooved stone of the sink skirt, trying to find the words to adequately describe his feelings. He backed away from the sink slightly and leaned both hands on the smooth surface, bowing his head from pure fatigue.<\/p>\n
\u201cGo to bed, Adam. Things will look better tomorrow and make more sense.\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam smiled and slowly turned to face his father. \u201cThat\u2019s always your solution, Pa \u2013 \u2018go to bed\u2019.<\/p>\n
\u201cWell, you should listen to your pa,\u201d Ben said gruffly, as he pulled his bemused son into a brief embrace.<\/p>\n
Emily took one look at Adam and gathered up a towel, a clean nightshirt, and Adam\u2019s robe and pulled him back down the hall towards the kitchen.<\/p>\n
\u201cEmily \u2013 what\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHoss said \u2018you might want to put that newfangled bathing machine ta work.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cEmily \u2013 that\u2019ll take forever. I\u2019m too tired\u2026\u201d He drifted off as Emily opened the bathroom door to reveal a deep copper tub encased in some rich, dark wood, and a collection of bright brass pipes leading from what looked to be a boiler. A shower\/bath stood in one corner, and a dressing area was richly carpeted and furnished. Adam\u2019s eyes stayed on the boiler, though. \u201cI\u2019ve read about those\u2026\u201d He walked up to the apparatus and examined the gauges and levers closely, fatigue and stress forgotten. \u201cYou know they\u2019re talking about central heating with these things \u2013 steam.\u201d<\/p>\n
Emily smiled. \u201cYes, dear. You have someone designing one to put in next year. You looked at a furnace for the cellar and some kind of channels to carry the hot air up here, but you said steam was going to be the most efficient.\u201d She stepped carefully between Adam and the piping and reached up to unbutton one button of his shirt. \u201cAdam?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHmm\u2026\u201d He brought one hand up to stay her fingers, but continued to stare at the workings of something he\u2019d only dreamed of installing at the Ponderosa. He finally brought his attention back to his wife and smiled with something close to his more usual manner. She recognized the look that came into his eyes and started to slide away, but he put one hand on the richly textured wallpaper to block her in. \u201cMy, but you\u2019re a forward one aren\u2019t you? Always in a hurry to get my\u2014\u201d \u201cAlways in a hurry to get something done, you mean. If you aren\u2019t tired, I am. The tub\u2019s filled\u2014\u201d she turned to point to the levers on each pipe \u201c\u2014and this is hot, that pipe is the cold\u2013 Adam, don\u2019t \u2013 I thought you had a headache,\u201d she finished, trying to pull away from the arms that had encircled her waist.<\/p>\n
He tilted his head as if listening to an inner voice. \u201cNo \u2013 no headache \u2013 must be the doc\u2019s powders,\u201d he said with an sly grin.<\/p>\n
\u201cUh\u2014hum. That, the prospects of a nice hot bath and something else that you\u2019re not going to get tonight, Mr. Adam Cartwright,\u201d she twisted away from him and moved quickly to the door. \u201cI\u2019ll put another bandage on you when you\u2019re finished, but don\u2019t get that one wet,\u201d she said as she made her escape.<\/p>\n
\u201cYes, ma\u2019am, Mrs. Cartwright<\/em>.\u201d He turned back to the tub and pulled out his shirttails\u2026<\/p>\n\u201cAdam?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHmm?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou can\u2019t sleep in that tub tonight.\u201d<\/p>\n
He reluctantly opened his eyes to see Emily peeking around the door. \u201cIn a bit\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIf you don\u2019t get out of that tub I\u2019m going to come in there and change your bandage right now. I want to go to bed.\u201d He sighed. \u201cYes, dear\u2026\u201d he said on a shallow, outgoing breath.<\/p>\n
Emily\u2019s lips pursed in irritation as the black lashes drifted down again. The door swung open silently beneath her touch and she advanced into the room, watching the steady rise and fall of Adam\u2019s chest with growing concern. \u201cAdam,\u201d she whispered. \u201cAdam?\u201d she prodded more loudly. He didn\u2019t respond this time and she crossed to the tub to lay her hand on his forehead. He was warm, but it seemed only from the heat of the bath. He\u2019d run more hot water, she thought. No wonder he didn\u2019t want to get out.<\/p>\n
\u201cAdam, wake up.\u201d<\/p>\n
The eyelashes fluttered open again, and awareness gradually appeared in the brown irises. Adam hauled himself straight with a faint groan. Emily\u2019s hand still rested lightly on his shoulder and she gave him a comprehending smile. \u201cDid you take that medicine Dr. Martin left for you?\u201d<\/p>\n
He nodded dumbly and breathed deeply, trying to wake himself up.<\/p>\n
\u201cThat stuff will put you to sleep \u2013 didn\u2019t you know that? It\u2019s not what he used to give you, and you have to be careful with it,\u201d she said as she picked up his towel. \u201cHow much did you take?\u201d<\/p>\n
He yawned and stretched a hand out for the towel. \u201cOnly half the dose. Out, woman \u2013 I\u2019m awake now.\u201d<\/p>\n
She clutched the towel to her chest and gave him a stern look, but the effect was ruined by the amusement in her eyes.<\/p>\n
He raised an eyebrow. \u201cAre you going to give me that towel or do you want me to drip all over the place?\u201d<\/p>\n
This brought a full smile to her face which disappeared with a gasp as one strong hand shot out to pull her toward him. \u201cMy advantage, I think,\u201d he said evenly.<\/p>\n
She sat on the edge of the tub, ignoring the dampness that started to seep through her nightclothes and robe.<\/p>\n
\u201cYour advantage?\u201d she said, letting go of the towel with one hand to poke at his chest.<\/p>\n
\u201cMy advantage,\u201d he repeated, looking at her damp braided hair and freshly scrubbed face. \u201cI\u2019m sure you already had a bath and don\u2019t want another one\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou wouldn\u2019t.\u201d<\/p>\n
The teasing light faded from his eyes as he gazed at her, taking in the wide grey eyes beneath finely arched eyebrows, the hollows in her cheeks that he knew came from the endless work of raising children, and the way one front tooth was a little turned\u2026 He moved a hand to the back of her neck and pulled her to him, ignoring her protests to kiss those oh-sotempting lips\u2026<\/p>\n
He loosened his arms a little when he felt her try to pull away finally. \u201cYour advantage, I think,\u201d he whispered. \u201cAnd no, I wouldn\u2019t.\u201d<\/p>\n
She shook her head at him, but the words were said with a languid warmth that made him want to kiss her again: \u201cToo late. You did \u2013 my whole left side is wet.\u201d<\/p>\n
He dragged his eyes to her dripping sleeve and the damp swath of robe as she pulled away from his embrace. \u201cSorry.\u201d \u201cNo, you\u2019re not.\u201d She squeezed the excess water out of her sleeve and leaned back in to brush his lips lightly with her own.<\/p>\n
\u201cAt least you haven\u2019t forgotten how to kiss.\u201d<\/p>\n
His retort went unvoiced as she turned and left room, shedding her robe as she walked. He grinned and made a quick grab for the drain plug with one hand and the towel with the other.<\/p>\n
Controlled chaos, that\u2019s what it was. Adam looked over the rim of his coffee cup as he considered his new life. His eyes came to rest on Emily, cooking another batch of bacon on the big stove, and he smiled behind his cup as he watched her\u2014 \u201cHey! That was my toast! Pa!\u201d<\/p>\n
He dragged his attention back to the table. He felt his brows lowering into a fair imitation of his father\u2019s scowl and held his hand out for the disputed item.<\/p>\n
Matthew matched the scowl and handed over the toast to watch Adam divide it in two. \u201cHe already had a whole piece! I had to share mine with Libby.\u201d Matthew craned his neck around just in time to see Fanny pull a burned batch of toast out of the oven. \u201cAw, Ma\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam shook his head peremptorily and Matthew subsided, but rolled his eyes.<\/p>\n
Adam waved his fork at the boy. \u201cWhy don\u2019t you watch the toast?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cMe? I ain\u2019t a girl.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAm not,\u201d Adam corrected automatically. Not that it would help. Matthew spent too much time with Hoss for any hope that it would ever stick. \u201cAn\u2019 you could just pretend you were Cookie.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHe don\u2019t make toast on the trail.\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam swallowed his eggs. \u201cSure he does, first couple a\u2019 days. Then it\u2019s biscuits.\u201d<\/p>\n
Matthew looked at him hard, not believing that clunker, but Adam merely raised an eyebrow and took another bite of his eggs.<\/p>\n
There was a knock on the bottom half of the dutch door that led to the back porch. \u201cMr. Cartwright?\u201d It was Eddie, looking a little sick and worried.<\/p>\n
Adam took one more swallow of coffee and wiped his mouth with his napkin.<\/p>\n
\u201cYeah, Eddie.\u201d<\/p>\n
Emily shot him a quick look from where she was dishing out the bacon to the boys. He gave her a reassuring smile and squeezed her arm lightly as he passed. Kip tried to get up from his bed by the door but Adam uttered a low \u201cstay\u201d and the dog merely sat and longingly watched his master go out the door.<\/p>\n
His \u201cWhat\u2019s wrong?\u201d came through the open upper half of the door\u2026<\/p>\n
Adam fought losing what little of his breakfast that he\u2019d been allowed to eat. He rested one hand on the soft yellow hide of his ranch\u2019s future: Thor lay on his side in a pool of blood, his soft brown eyes dulled forever and half closed. The best temperament and confirmation Adam had ever seen in a bull, and it was gone in a vicious act of intimidation. A shot to bring the great creature down and a cut throat to finish him. A narrow slice of his loin had been removed and grilled over a fire; left as a warning, but it only made an answering fire burn in his gut. It was a gruesome answer to that nagging fear of yesterday, but the fear was gone, replaced by an intense anger and determination not to be had again. Adam turned and walked away. He took hold of Sport\u2019s reins, but paused in the act of mounting the horse. \u201cSend one of the hands to get Roy Coffee \u2013 he\u2019ll need to see this. And\u2026\u201d His lips tightened in distress. \u201cDispose of him \u2013 after\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDon\u2019t tell me you can\u2019t do anything, Roy!\u201d The thundering voice was not Ben Cartwright\u2019s, and the desk that was being leaned over was not in the Ponderosa ranch house, but to Roy Coffee the resemblance was eerie. Adam was in a passion no less than his father could ever give out, and the walls fairly shook with his anger. He took a deep breath, and made a try at being more reasonable. \u201cAll right, what did they find?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cFence was cut and the bull was taken out down that old trail to the McCartney place. Seemed to stay there for a few hours and then they moved on. They went to the mill road, butchered the bull and went along down that road \u2013 that\u2019s where we lost them. Stanley Jaffrey sent his sheep over that road real early this morning.\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam grunted with all the contempt of a cattleman for a sheepherder. \u201cWho would know he was going to move that herd?<\/p>\n
He only uses that plot a couple times a year. Good grass, but too dry to keep \u2018em there.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou thinkin\u2019 he was in on it?\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam sighed. \u201cNo \u2013 Jaffrey is a good man. Never seen a man more soft-hearted than Stanley, not even Hoss. The way he tends those sheep\u2026\u201d Adam looked out the front window. The boys were going about their chores with dragging steps, sad that their new big yellow friend was gone. Adam would wire his friend in Tucson about purchasing another bull, but Thor had been so perfect\u2026<\/p>\n
\u201cI got my affidavit for the insurance, an\u2019 Eddie\u2019s and Slim\u2019s, too.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYeah, thanks. Just put it on the desk.\u201d Adam sighed again and ran a hand over his face, the fire of his revulsion and anger spent by his outburst. He turned back to his old friend. \u201cI\u2019m sorry, Roy. I didn\u2019t mean to rip up at you.\u201d<\/p>\n
He sat in his chair and leaned back, putting an ankle up on the opposite knee. \u201cSit down, Roy.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAdam \u2013 we\u2019ll find \u2018em. It\u2019ll just take some time.\u201d He scratched at his chin. \u201cGuess they didn\u2019t need no doc\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cRoy,\u201d Adam interrupted quietly.<\/p>\n
\u201cYeah?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou know they must have threatened me \u2013 ever since I came to, something\u2019s been plaguing me about that bull. And cooking,\u201d he finished flatly, his disgust clear in his face. He took his leg off his knee and leaned forward to pick up the affidavits. He shook his head and laid the paper atop a pile of correspondence.<\/p>\n
There was a light knock on the open door to the foyer. \u201cIs the yelling over?\u201d a voice asked in gentle rebuke.<\/p>\n
Adam smiled ruefully. \u201cYeah. Sorry.\u201d<\/p>\n
Emily carried in a tray of coffee and scones and Roy rose to take it from her.<\/p>\n
\u201cThank ya, Emily \u2013 was hoping you\u2019d made some of your scones.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cJust for you, Roy, when Adam told me you\u2019d be coming out. I have a nice stew for dinner, if you care to stay\u2026Adam \u2013 what\u2019s wrong?\u201d<\/p>\n
He\u2019d dropped back into his chair, face set and a most of his color gone from under his sunburn.<\/p>\n
\u201cGone off his feed \u2013 wouldn\u2019t think he\u2019d have much appetite for beef today \u2013 me neither, for that matter.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThat bad?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAwful waste, Emily.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes, well, I\u2019d be more worried about what they were trying to say. How are they going to know Adam doesn\u2019t remember what they were threatening him about?\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam raised his eyes to hers. \u201cYou heard?\u201d<\/p>\n
She nodded. She thought for a moment. \u201cYou know, if they\u2019re hid out around here somewhere they might come into town for supplies, or into Carson. Someone might want to let it drop that Adam\u2019s lost his memory. Or next time they\u2019ll do something worse.\u201d She gave Adam a worried look that had Roy finishing his coffee and scone quickly.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m gonna head back ta town. Best set one of the hands to a little loose talkin\u2019 tomorrow night \u2013 natural-like, fer a Saturday night.\u201d He shook a finger at Adam as he stood up. \u201cYou keep outa this, Adam. None a your amateur detectin\u2019, ya hear me?\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam looked at Roy from under his brows.<\/p>\n
\u201cAdam?\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam sighed. \u201cYeah, Roy.\u201d<\/p>\n
Roy picked up his hat. \u201cYou listen ta me fer once \u2013 Emily.\u201d Roy nodded. \u201cI\u2019ll send word out tomorrow if I find anything.\u201d Emily came back from seeing Roy out to find Adam still in his chair, staring blankly at the top of the desk. She grasped one of the arms of the chair to swivel it around. \u201cYou\u2019re not going to do any good brooding like that.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m not brooding, I\u2019m worryin\u2019.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cOh,\u201d she teased, \u201cthat\u2019s all right, then.\u201d<\/p>\n
He compressed his lips and looked up at her, and, seeing the concern behind the teasing, drew her into his lap. \u201cYou going to give me the \u2018let Roy do his job\u2019 lecture, too?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo \u2013 because you would, now.\u201d<\/p>\n
Something flickered in his eyes. \u201cYeah \u2013 guess I would, at that. Nothing like havin\u2019 a bunch of kids ta focus the mind.\u201d His expression softened and he gave her a small smile\u2026<\/p>\n
\u201cHey, Ma, Fanny says \u2013 aw, they\u2019re doin\u2019 it again\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThat was my toe \u2013 wachit, would ya, when yer backing up \u2013 an\u2019 close the door\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
Emily emerged from the kiss pink cheeked and self-conscious. \u201cAdam \u2013 the kids.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDoor\u2019s closed,\u201d he said, one dimple appearing as he pulled her back toward him. \u201cYou wanted me to quit worryin\u2019\u2026.\u201d Adam snapped the ledger shut and got up from the desk. He might feel like his old self, except for the darned stitches which were starting to itch, but apparently numbers were still beyond him. He stuck his head out the door of the study and listened for Emily. Hearing nothing, he stepped across the foyer to find her at her secretary in the parlor. \u201cEmily?\u201d he said softly.<\/p>\n
She continued transcribing her accounts. \u201cYes, dear.\u201d<\/p>\n
This didn\u2019t seem promising, but he tried again. \u201cI can\u2019t seem to get my numbers to add up \u2013 and there are some contracts that I was wondering about. Some of it is Ponderosa business.\u201d He crossed the room to lean on the chair that was set out a little from her desk. \u201cWhy am I still doing so much of that work?\u201d<\/p>\n
She finally looked up at him and he sensed that this was a subject that had come up before. \u201cYou always have, Adam. You work here in the mornings for a couple of hours, then head over there, or wherever you have to go.\u201d<\/p>\n
He stared at her for a moment, a slight frown between his brows. \u201cCan that wait?\u201d he asked, nodding towards her paperwork.<\/p>\n
She shut her account book and rose from the desk. \u201cYes, I suppose. Let\u2019s go see what has you in such a tizzy.\u201d \u201cThis will bring us up to 11,000 acres. I don\u2019t know how, but it looks like we have the capital to do it.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou sold your railroad stock.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhy would I do that?\u201d<\/p>\n
A flash of guilt mixed with something else Adam didn\u2019t understand crossed her face. \u201cYou thought it had gotten too speculative, so when you had the chance to buy the Timmerman place you sold out and used the money for that. You wanted something set for the boys. Look\u2013\u201d she pulled another file from the bottom drawer of the desk; \u201cthe other half of the money was from Gil\u2019s uncle. Gil never counted on that money, but when he died Mortimer decided to settle it on the boys. He was very pleased to hear that you were using it to build up a ranch for his grandnephews.\u201d She dropped the file on the desk and turned a little away from him, head bowed.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou didn\u2019t have to do it,\u201d she said softly, \u201cbut you did. I know, if you hadn\u2019t married me, you would have kept those stocks, and probably would have made a lot of money on them.\u201d<\/p>\n
He pulled her into his arms and tipped her chin up, wanting her to see he was being perfectly truthful. \u201cIf I sold the stock, \u2018probably\u2019 not. I imagine I thought there was something fishy going on.\u201d He moved his hand to her shoulder and squeezed it reassuringly. \u201cBesides, it only made sense \u2013 that and those last few properties will make a nice-sized ranch for them to split whatever way they want.\u201d Something itched at the back of his mind. He had said that before, he thought with sudden clarity. His vision tunneled as the memory rushed back at him. They were his boys, too.<\/em> He closed his eyes tightly and put his hands to his forehead to rub at the mind-fuzzing rush of blood behind his temples. You\u2019ll regret it, Cartwright\u2026<\/em>\u201cAdam?\u201d Emily\u2019s voice seemed to come from a great distance and he felt her push him gently into the chair.<\/p>\n\u201cFanny\u2026Fanny!…dratted girl\u2026\u201d She was gone, and then there again, pulling his hands away from his face and forcing his arms down and away from the top of the desk.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDrink this.\u201d She tipped bitter-tasting water down his throat.<\/p>\n
\u201cI don\u2019t want\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou turned white as a sheet. You are going to go lie down for a bit, and if the doctor says you are all right, you can finish your exploration of your finances, or whatever you\u2019re snooping around for.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo!\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m not under your roof anymore\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou\u2019re still my son. When you can go a day without keeling over, maybe then you can get on a horse!\u201d<\/p>\n
Paul Martin stood in the narrow foyer, considering that it was the one mistake that Adam had made in designing the house, while he counted to ten to damp down his anger at his old friend. Ben didn\u2019t mean to add to the strain his son was under, but that booming, emphatic expression of parental concern could only make things worse. He nodded at Emily and they made their way down the center hall towards the back of the house.<\/p>\n
Adam was sitting in bed, propped up against pillows, a cloth clutched in his hands, angry exasperation written on his face. \u201cBen, Adam.\u201d He nodded carefully to each of them, saying nothing about the very loud exchange they knew he must have heard. Ben looked shame-faced, Adam now belligerent and sullen.<\/p>\n
Emily chuckled and Adam turned his attention to her, still miffed. \u201cThat\u2019s where Libby gets it, I suppose,\u201d she said with some amusement.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat\u2019s that?\u201d Ben asked, reluctantly ceding his place to his old friend.<\/p>\n
Paul lifted Adam\u2019s wrist to take his pulse and Adam transferred his resentment to the doctor.<\/p>\n
\u201cThat look she gets when someone takes something away from her.\u201d<\/p>\n
Ben smiled. \u201cHe\u2019s always done that.\u201d His eyebrows went up. \u201cWell, the apple doesn\u2019t fall\u2014\u201d \u201cCertainly doesn\u2019t,\u201d muttered the doctor under his breath.<\/p>\n
Adam smiled at this and closed his eyes and put his head back against the pillows.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat was that?\u201d Ben asked suspiciously.<\/p>\n
\u201cI said, it sounds like you woke her up.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThat\u2019s not what you said, but I\u2019ll go.\u201d He stepped closer to the bed to lay a hand on Adam\u2019s lower leg and pat it gently. \u201cYou listen to the doc\u2014\u201d He stopped, compressed his lips, and shook his head as the doctor made a throat-clearing noise. \u201cGotta a little temper, huh?\u201d he asked Emily as they made a right turn out of the room.<\/p>\n
She looked back at Adam and winked, getting a smile for her efforts. If anything could distract Ben, it was his granddaughter.<\/p>\n
\u201cI promise I won\u2019t raise my voice.\u201d Ben sighed and turned to face the doctor. \u201cHe wanted to go out then and there. I don\u2019t know what to do with him. He\u2019s being so difficult.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou two have been having problems for months.\u201d<\/p>\n
Ben sat down heavily. \u201cThat\u2019s between me and him, Paul,\u201d he said depressingly.<\/p>\n
Paul looked at his watch and then sank into the chair opposite of Ben. He rubbed a hand over his mouth and looked at his old friend, carefully considering his next words. \u201cBen,\u201d he started quietly, but firmly, \u201cif you were having quite a bit of difficulty, I should know. He seems to have accepted Emily, mostly, although she says when the powders wear off he gets a little distant with her. We\u2019ll see how he does today without them.\u201d He cleared his throat and decided to continue. \u201cWhatever is behind all this seems to be tied up with you somehow. He let fall a few pretty bitter comments, which is not like him.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHe\u2019s being so rigid; impatient, even,\u201d Ben said finally.<\/p>\n
\u201cHe\u2019s had a head injury.\u201d<\/p>\n
Ben\u2019s jaw set. \u201cNo, it\u2019s more than that.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI don\u2019t know, Ben. He\u2019s less inhibited, and will be more prone to say what he thinks. You\u2019ll probably get more truth out of him this week than you have in the last three months.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cToo bad he doesn\u2019t remember\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDoesn\u2019t remember what?\u201d came a low, even voice from the opening to the foyer.<\/p>\n
The older men twisted in their chairs to look over the sofa at the tall straight figure in the doorway.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat don\u2019t I remember?\u201d<\/p>\n
Ben stood. \u201cAdam, you should be in bed. You\u2019re not well\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m fine,\u201d Adam snapped. \u201cWhat are you talking about?\u201d He went around the sofa and stood opposite his father over the coffee table, arms akimbo. \u201cWhat don\u2019t I remember?\u201d<\/p>\n
Ben bristled. \u201cYou address me with a mite less hostility, boy, if you want an answer.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou promised, Ben,\u201d said Paul, aggravated, but Adam was gone, whirled on one foot, clutching at the back of the sofa, and then out the front door.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhere do ya think yer goin\u2019?\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam glared at his brother. \u201cWhat are you<\/strong> doing here? Don\u2019t you people give me a moment\u2019s peace? You come on my honeymoon, too \u2013 hold my hand through that?\u201d<\/p>\nHoss followed Adam to the barn. \u201cThere\u2019s no call fer you ta be so blamed ornery, Adam. Just come over with Pa to check up on ya. An\u2019 to answer your question, I reckon we\u2019re over here quite a bit \u2013 but seein\u2019 as yer smack-dab between the Ponderosa and Virginia City, just how often do you think we oughta stop by?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDon\u2019t see how you can get any work done,\u201d Adam muttered as he started to saddle Sport. \u201cNo wonder I\u2019m still doin\u2019 so much of it.\u201d<\/p>\n
Hoss put one large hand on Adam\u2019s saddle, effectively keeping Adam from pulling it off the stand. \u201cI don\u2019t know what you got stuck in yer craw, but you ain\u2019t riding any more today \u2013 you fall off yer horse and you\u2019ll jest make yer troubles worse.\u201d \u201cLet me have the saddle, Hoss.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo.\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam\u2019s jaw set and he feinted left and took a swing at his brother. \u201cGimme the saddle\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNow I know there\u2019s somethin\u2019 wrong with ya,\u201d Hoss gasped out as he managed to wrap his arms around his older brother in an attempt to restrain him. \u201cYou ain\u2019t tried ta take a swing at me in a couple a\u2019 years\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat\u2019s going on in here?\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam stopped struggling and Hoss let his hold relax slightly, but kept his brother firmly in his grasp.<\/p>\n
\u201cAdam\u2019s wantin\u2019 ta take Sport out, an\u2019 I\u2019m not lettin\u2019 him.\u201d \u201cWhere you going, Adam?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cTown.\u201d Adam broke away from Hoss and grabbed the saddle.<\/p>\n
\u201cAdam, you misunderstood. I\u2019m not keeping anything from you,\u201d Ben said, laying a hand on Adam\u2019s shoulder.<\/p>\n
\u201cAren\u2019t you?\u201d He fastened the cinches and pulled down the stirrup. \u201cYou won\u2019t tell me\u2026\u201d He shook his head as if to clear it and, giving up, leaned his forehead on the saddle. \u201cAlways trying to manage\u2026you and Roy\u2026you and Roy\u2026keepin\u2019 me outa\u2026town?\u201d<\/p>\n
Ben was increasingly disturbed by this and met Hoss\u2019s worried gaze before looking to the doctor for enlightenment.<\/p>\n
\u201cThere he goes agin \u2013 catch \u2018im, Pa.\u201d<\/p>\n
Paul moved quickly to Adam\u2019s side and took his arm as he reeled out of Ben\u2019s reach. He was almost pulled down by the bigger man before Hoss made it from the end of the stand to take his brother, this time unresisting, in his arms again. \u201cClean out, this time,\u201d Hoss said grimly. Adam was a dead-weight as he caught him under his shoulders and knees to carry him back into the house.<\/p>\n
Paul stayed him with a hand on his burden. \u201cWait.\u201d He pulled back Adam\u2019s eyelids and checked his pulse. \u201cThis is what\u2019s been happening\u2026,\u201d he said, half to himself.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat is it?\u201d asked Ben.<\/p>\n
\u201cOkay, Hoss, go ahead and take him in.\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam stirred and opened his eyes and Paul stopped Hoss again. \u201cYou with us, Adam?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDoc \u2013 he\u2019s getting\u2019 awful heavy,\u201d Hoss complained. \u201cCain\u2019t you do this inside?\u201d<\/p>\n
Ben shot an irritated glance at his middle son, but Paul ignored them both. \u201cYou remember where you are, what you were doing?\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam\u2019s eyes were closed again. \u201cYeah,\u201d he said faintly. \u201cIn the barn; fightin\u2019 with Hoss.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat\u2019s the last thing you remember?\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam frowned with the effort, and finally spoke. \u201cGot the saddle\u2026that\u2019s it. Musta passed out.\u201d He turned his cheek into Hoss\u2019s shoulder. \u201cSorry, Hoss\u2026you were right\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
Ben looked even more frightened as he realized Adam was missing a minute, at least.<\/p>\n
The doctor looked at him, shrugged, and shook his head, mouthing \u2018later,\u2019 as Hoss set off for the house.<\/p>\n
Adam shifted and pushed on Hoss\u2019s chest as they crossed the yard. \u201cLet me down \u2013 don\u2019t want the kids to see \u2013 they\u2019ll be back in by now,\u201d he finished, his voice stronger.<\/p>\n
\u201cToo late,\u201d Hoss murmured. \u201cPete\u2019s got the door.\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam closed his eyes in frustration, but opened them when he heard Peter\u2019s yell for his mother.<\/p>\n
\u201cMa \u2013 Pa passed out again!\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam grimaced as Hoss finally set him down right inside the front door. This bald, matter-of-fact announcement of his troubles both amused and maddened him. \u201cShout it from the roof-tops, why don\u2019t you, boy.\u201d<\/p>\n
Peter\u2019s eyebrows wrinkled in puzzlement. \u201cDon\u2019t you want Ma to know?\u201d<\/p>\n
Hoss kept one arm around Adam\u2019s waist to support his still faltering steps as they made their way to the back of the house. Adam shook his head slightly. \u201cYour mother, yes, but\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n
Emily appeared at the nexus of the three halls as the little procession reached the center of the house. \u201cWhat happened?\u201d<\/p>\n
She took in the grim face of her father-in-law and the long-suffering humor in Hoss\u2019s expression and decided the truth was somewhere in between. The worry that had never completely left her in the past few days returned as she stepped closer to the little group. She looked at the doctor and then back at Adam. She took in the weary frustration in his eyes and suggested a change from the dark, north side of the house. \u201cInstead of trooping back and forth to that bedroom all the time, why don\u2019t you let him rest in the parlor?\u201d<\/p>\n
Paul gave Adam a measured look when he seemed to perk up at the idea. The doctor nodded his permission and Hoss swung Adam back around.<\/p>\n
\u201cI can walk, Hoss \u2013 would you let me go?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo.\u201d<\/p>\n
Hoss maneuvered Adam to his favorite chair and Adam relaxed against the back of the chair, more shaken than he\u2019d cared to admit to his family. The doctor pulled up one of the wooden chairs and took his pulse again.<\/p>\n
\u201cThat\u2019s good,\u201d he said after a minute. \u201cNot as fast, and stronger. Hoss \u2013 get him some water, please.\u201d Adam opened his eyes and gave the doctor a wary look.<\/p>\n
Paul grinned and shook his head slightly. \u201cJust water this time.\u201d<\/p>\n
Emily turned from opening the french doors that led to the side garden and Adam\u2019s lips lifted a little in thanks as she crossed to stand by his side. \u201cBetter?\u201d she asked.<\/p>\n
Adam nodded and Paul raised an eyebrow as he tested his reflexes.<\/p>\n
\u201cHe won\u2019t feel so shut in,\u201d Emily explained.<\/p>\n
Ben sank into the sofa, watching and waiting, not happy to be proved right, and biding his time before he started asking questions.<\/p>\n
\u201cBesides these episodes, any dizzy spells today?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHow do you feel, generally? More clear-headed than yesterday?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes. Noise doesn\u2019t bother me as much. My neck\u2019s not as strained \u2013 guess my head hurts less and I\u2019m less tense.\u201d \u201cHmm. That could be the medicine I gave you.\u201d He began to unwind the bandage. \u201cHaving any other trouble remembering things that just happened?\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam grimaced, thinking of the morning\u2019s events. \u201cNo.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAny other symptoms I should know about?\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam blinked at the doctor. \u201cCouldn\u2019t add some numbers today. Just couldn\u2019t concentrate, somehow. Everything else seems fine. Don\u2019t think I\u2019m acting any different, but you could ask them.<\/em>\u201d<\/p>\nEmily smiled at this dig. \u201cA little grumpier than usual, but otherwise\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam scrunched up his lips and then let out an \u201cOuch\u201d as the bandage caught on one of his stitches.<\/p>\n
\u201cMrs. Cartwright?\u201d<\/p>\n
Emily pulled her eyes away from her husband\u2019s face, the laughter in them turning into the beginnings of impatience.<\/p>\n
\u201cYes?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYour stew is drying out.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAdd some water, and put the vegetables in it, please,\u201d Emily requested, bringing her gaze back to Adam.<\/p>\n
Fanny looked confused.<\/p>\n
\u201cI left everything on the\u2014\u201d Emily sighed and left the room with a speaking glance at her father-in-law.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhere were you going?\u201d Ben asked after a few moments.<\/p>\n
\u201cWas going to ride over to the Timmerman place \u2013 thought it might make me remember\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
Ben\u2019s head came up at this. \u201cWhy? You think that sale has something to do with this?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI don\u2019t know, but I aim to find out.\u201d He drew in air sharply between his teeth as Paul\u2019s fingers probed his wound.<\/p>\n
\u201cJust trying to see if I missed something \u2013 your pulse was so rapid and light\u2026\u201d The doctor lit the lamp that stood on the side table. \u201cBen, close the blinds, would you please?\u201d<\/p>\n
He brought the lamp close to Adam\u2019s face and then drew it back, keeping a careful watch on the action of his pupils.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhere is Hoss with that water?\u201d<\/p>\n
Ben paused in the act of resuming his seat and looked at the doctor with ironic comprehension. \u201cI\u2019ll get it \u2013 probably got pulled into the doing\u2019s in the kitchen\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
Paul pulled the blinds back up. \u201cNow, tell me exactly what you remember last, and how you felt right before you passed out\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDon\u2019t coddle him. You\u2019ll just frustrate him.\u201d The doctor\u2019s advice echoed in Ben\u2019s ears as he came out the kitchen door and sat in one of the wicker rockers. The doctor had also said to call truce for a while; the last thing Adam needed was a continuation of the quarrel with his father. Paul had pointed to Ben\u2019s immediate bristling as exactly what he had meant.<\/p>\n
\u2018Percipient fussbudget,\u2019 Ben thought to himself, \u2018s\u2019pose he\u2019s right\u2026\u2019 He looked over at Adam and quietly handed him a glass of lemonade, considering how to answer his son\u2019s curiosity about the conflict without starting it up again.<\/p>\n
Adam sipped at the cold drink, lost in his own thoughts. He sighed finally and looked at Ben. \u201cI\u2019m sorry I lost my temper.\u201d Ben didn\u2019t say anything, just raised his eyebrows and stared out at the garden.<\/p>\n
\u201cHoss was right.\u201d Adam sighed again. \u201cHow am I going to get anything done, though, if I can\u2019t ride?\u201d He stood abruptly and crossed to lean against the porch railing. \u201cI felt so much better today\u2026\u201d His eyes changed and he drained his glass and moved back to put it on the small table between the chairs, shifting his weight onto one hip and crossing his arms high on his chest. \u201cIf I promise not to lose my temper again, will you tell me what we were arguing about?\u201d<\/p>\n
Ben looked at him speculatively, taking in the oh-so-casual posture. He abruptly remembered that this was not his older, time-tempered son, but the man he\u2019d been three years before. He quickly catalogued what had happened in the interim. So much. What to explain and what to leave out. What would this Adam understand?<\/p>\n
\u201cChewin\u2019 over old problems wouldn\u2019t be the best thing for you right now, son\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhy don\u2019t you let me be the judge of that?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBecause you\u2019re not yourself!\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cJust because I can\u2019t remember the past few years doesn\u2019t mean I\u2019ve changed in here,\u201d Adam said in frustration, tapping his chest.<\/p>\n
\u201cYes, you have.\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam\u2019s eyes probed his father\u2019s face. \u201cWhat happened to me that no one will say anything about it? I remember this,\u201d he rubbed his hand over the spot low on the left side of his belly where an Indian had shot him, keeping to himself his reaction to seeing the recently-healed wound turned suddenly to an old scar. \u201cBut I don\u2019t remember getting shot in the chest, or being bound so tight it left scars.\u201d His hand went involuntarily to the opposite wrist.<\/p>\n
Ben paled beneath his tan as he thought of how close he\u2019d come to losing his son in each instance. He set down his own glass and moved to look over the backyard, unwilling to meet his son\u2019s intense scrutiny.<\/p>\n
Adam\u2019s lips tightened in irritation and he moved back to the rail to confront his father. \u201cStop treating me like some infant, Pa! I\u2019m a grown man. I\u2019m going to have accidents, gonna get shot if I\u2019m not careful, and whatever else providence has in mind for me.\u201d He thumped the railing with his fist. \u201cYou might be scared stiff you\u2019re gonna lose another member of your family, but I can guarantee you that you\u2019ll lose me if you don\u2019t stop smothering me!\u201d He watched his father\u2019s jaw work and knew he still hadn\u2019t gotten through. \u201cI\u2019ll pack \u2018em all up and pull out,\u201d he growled. \u201cGot enough money to drag them halfway \u2018round the world, if I want to.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cProvidence,\u201d Ben said bitterly. \u201cYou sound like your mother. You make your own destiny. Why do you think I\u2019ve been so strict with you boys?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI just \u2013 ! Ach, I don\u2019t know, Pa,\u201d Adam finished quietly, his anger spent. \u201cMaybe because you were left to make your own way in the world.\u201d His eyes came up to meet his father\u2019s. \u201cAnd since when did you lose faith?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI didn\u2019t, but it has to be tempered by wisdom!\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDon\u2019t you think I have any?\u201d Adam\u2019s expression reflected his frustration and hurt.<\/p>\n
\u201cOf course I do.\u201d Ben\u2019s eyes shifted under Adam\u2019s challenging gaze.<\/p>\n
Adam\u2019s breath caught in his throat, and he clenched his fists.<\/p>\n
\u201cI think you\u2019d better leave, before I say something I\u2019ll regret.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYour father can\u2019t leave, Adam \u2013 dinner is ready, and Hoss brought the kids in, so I\u2019d suggest you stop arguing or you\u2019ll scare them.\u201d<\/p>\n
The look Adam gave Emily was filled with all the irritation he would feel at the interference of a stranger, and she knew it. She turned away from the door silently, and Adam gave a little moue of annoyance and rolled his eyes.<\/p>\n
\u201cAdam\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cStay \u2013 we can finish this later.\u201d He bridled at the look his father gave him. \u201cI know I hurt her feelings \u2013 I think I know how to handle my own wife, Pa.\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam jerked the door open, leaving Ben shaking his head. So much for not getting Adam riled\u2026<\/p>\n
Emily kept herself carefully turned away from Adam as he watched her pull biscuits from the oven. He could hear Hoss and Fanny getting the children settled around the table in the dining room, and realized his father had come through the door behind him.<\/p>\n
\u201cSure smells good.\u201d Adam felt the familiar hand on his back and heard the whispered \u201cStop scowling,\u201d as Ben walked by him.<\/p>\n
Emily smiled at Ben as he passed her and Adam took a moment to school his features into something more acceptable for an attempt at an apology. He seemed to be doing a lot of that today and wondered if his father was right. Maybe he was missing more than just some memories.<\/p>\n
\u201cEmily?\u201d<\/p>\n
She ignored him as she scooped the biscuits out of the pan and into a bowl. He put his hands on her shoulders and tried to turn her around to face him, but stopped when he felt her stiffen under his touch.<\/p>\n
\u201cPlease, don\u2019t, Adam. That isn\u2019t a solution this time. You don\u2019t remember anything about us, and it\u2019s not right when there\u2019s no love behind it.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m not trying\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes, you are. That\u2019s one thing about you that\u2019s still the same.\u201d She took a shaky breath and finally turned to face him. \u201cI thought we could just go on as before, that we should try to keep things as normal as possible.\u201d<\/p>\n
He tried to speak again, but she put a finger on his lips to still them. The touch turned to a caress and he could see tears forming in her eyes. \u201cI love you, Adam, but you are not my husband. You\u2019re Adam Cartwright, all right, but not my Adam.\u201d She dropped her hand from his cheek and took a step backwards. \u201cYou should sleep in the guest room tonight.\u201d Adam felt like another prop had been kicked out from under him and he brought his hands up grasp her waist, as if holding on to her physically could make it all better. He searched for the words that would change her mind. \u201cEm\u2026 Emmilove \u2013 don\u2019t \u2014\u201d<\/p>\n
Her eyebrows drew together. \u201cDon\u2019t call me that.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cCall you what? \u2018Emmilove\u2019?\u201d<\/p>\n
Color tinged her cheekbones and she turned her face away as he pulled her to him, more sure of his ground again. \u201cWhy?<\/p>\n
Does it remind you that I am<\/em> your husband, and,\u201d he tipped her chin up and lowered his voice, \u201cthat\u2019s what I call you when\u2014\u201d he lowered his lips to hers and kissed her until they both were left breathless.<\/p>\nShe laid her head on his chest, against the fast thudding of his heart. \u201cYou\u2019re not playing fair,\u201d she murmured, despite the obvious knowledge that he wasn\u2019t unaffected.<\/p>\n
\u201cNot playing fair?\u201d He loosened his hold on her so he could see her face. \u201cJust because there are some things I do remember?\u201d<\/p>\n
She blushed a deeper red at his words and buried her face in his chest to hide her discomfiture. He sighed as she stopped trying to push him away and instead slid her arms around his waist and relaxed against him.<\/p>\n
\u201cOh, Adam, what am I going to do with you?\u201d<\/p>\n
He kissed the top of her head and tightened his hold on her again. \u201cI don\u2019t know, but you could start by feeding me.\u201d She tried to wrench herself from his arms at this. \u201cOf all the arrogant \u2013 I haven\u2019t even forgiven you \u2013 stop that!\u201d He carefully wiped the half-smile from his face and eased his embrace. \u201cI\u2019m sorry. I was joking. And I\u2019m very sorry if I seemed uncaring and unappreciative.\u201d<\/p>\n
Disappointment showed in her face and she seemed to give up. \u201cI need to get these biscuits out on the table\u2014\u201d \u201cForget the biscuits,\u201d he growled. He looked at her intensely, eyes wide and anything but teasing. \u201cI\u2019m sorry if I seemed dismissive.\u201d He searched for the words that could explain what had happened. \u201cOne second something familiar flashes through my mind and the next the past three years are completely gone. You just caught me at a bad moment. I don\u2019t know what else to say, Em. I know I belong here. I remember the odd detail, but, you\u2019re right, not much about our marriage. You were a friend, perhaps one I wished I\u2019d met under different circumstances,\u201d her eyes dropped from his at this, \u201cbut one of the first things I asked my father was how long it took me to ask you to marry me. Do you really think I don\u2019t care? That my situation is completely unexpected? Or unwelcome?\u201d he finished softly.<\/p>\n
He lifted a hand to push back the errant curls that always seemed to spring up to frame her face. \u201cWhat I want, more than anything, I suppose I can\u2019t have, but please don\u2019t push me away. I can\u2019t go back. We\u2019re married, I\u2019m gone from home, and I guess I\u2019m in the middle of some dispute with my father. I imagine he\u2019s doing his best to bring me back under his thumb.\u201d<\/p>\n
He waited a beat, watching the emotions play over her face. She was as easily readable as ever, he thought, and then wondered how he knew that.<\/p>\n
Libby shrieked in the next room and Adam couldn\u2019t help a grin. \u201cThe troops are getting restless.\u201d He released her a little sheepishly. \u201cAm I forgiven?\u201d<\/p>\n
She shook her head at him. \u201cYou could talk the cheese away from a mouse, Mr. Cartwright.\u201d<\/p>\n
One side of his mouth lifted into smug assurance. \u201cI wasn\u2019t all talk.\u201d<\/p>\n
She danced out of his reach and hung her apron over the back of one of the kitchen chairs. \u201cYou behave and take that bowl of biscuits to the dining room, mister. I haven\u2019t said that you\u2019ve gotten back any priv\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n
Hoss looked around the table and sighed. Adam and Emily had to be done with their argument. There hadn\u2019t been one little murmur of sound from behind the kitchen door in five minutes. He rolled his eyes at his father to see if he would make a try for the biscuits, but Ben gave a slight shake of his head. Hoss sighed again and took another helping of stew, giving up on the idea of the one thing he liked best with his dinner.<\/p>\n
Ben watched his son with some amusement. As ever, he seemed to have been able to talk his way out of his troubles with his wife, and if they had eventually made to the table both flushed and slightly disheveled, Ben wasn\u2019t going to quarrel with Adam\u2019s methods. But he wondered how much had really been settled between the two \u2013 no woman would let a man be, and felt not a little concern. Adam didn\u2019t need to be worrying about his marriage when he had so much else on his plate. He\u2019d left the topic alone, though, when they\u2019d retreated to the back porch after dinner. Adam seemed to be content to watch the boys playing a game of hide and seek as Fanny and Emily cleaned up after supper.<\/p>\n
Adam stood finally and waved his father to follow him around the porch to the front door.<\/p>\n
Ben followed him silently as he entered the study. \u201cLook at these letters.\u201d<\/p>\n
Ben looked at the paperwork on the desk. \u201cYes?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou know about all of this?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes. Some.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIs this what we\u2019ve been arguing about?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAnd I suppose I said it\u2019s because I\u2019m tired of going into the cattlemen\u2019s meetings and having no vote.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou can buy a membership\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNot if I don\u2019t have clear title to land, I can\u2019t; and I don\u2019t. I put the Buckeye in trust for the boys. It\u2019s not in my name.\u201d Ben crossed his arms over his chest, still cradling his pipe in one hand. \u201cI didn\u2019t know that. Why\u2019d you do it?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBecause of all the talk about our marriage, from what I can gather. \u2018spose I didn\u2019t want people to think I\u2019d married Emily to get my hands on something that wasn\u2019t yours.\u201d<\/p>\n
Ben frowned. \u201cAdam, you were there, beside me, all the way. You earned that land…and your share of the mines and timber, let alone the third you\u2019ll get.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cPeople don\u2019t see it that way. And it\u2019s only gotta be worse now.\u201d<\/p>\n
Ben shook his head. \u201cI don\u2019t think\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cPa!\u201d Adam stood impatiently. \u201cDon\u2019t you see? It\u2019s the same old thing. I have a family, I\u2019m running my own place, and folks are still looking over my shoulder for you all the time.\u201d<\/p>\n
Ben didn\u2019t say anything as he puffed on his pipe. Of all his boys, though he didn\u2019t show it like Joe, Adam chaffed most at the silken ties that bound him to his place at his father\u2019s side. Ben had ignored it for years, hoping that his son\u2019s wanderlust had been satiated by his trip east for college. Apparently not.<\/p>\n
Adam paced in front of the desk, his energy and drive clearly back. \u201cI have to do something of my own.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHaving something of your own is going to kill you, Adam.\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam stared at his father. Something was niggling at the back of his mind, just out of his reach. He put it aside with a sigh. \u201cI don\u2019t want to re-do what you did, but I have to have something set for the boys. The Buckeye is not mine, it\u2019s Gil\u2019s sons\u2019. It was his money, his hard work that built it.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou helped.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI only did what any neighbor would have done.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI don\u2019t see\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cPa, it\u2019s the boys\u2019 inheritance. Most of what I\u2019m adding will be the Buckeye \u2013 it will be enough for all of them to split, eventually. I set a thousand acres aside for myself. That bit by Tinker\u2019s Drop.\u201d<\/p>\n
Ben looked at his son hopefully. \u201cThat butts up against the hollow. You thinkin\u2019 of building that house, finally, and moving back to the Ponderosa?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo, Pa,\u201d Adam said, rolling his eyes. \u201cIt was for simplicity\u2019s sake and something else that I\u2019ll get to in a minute. I need a token parcel of land to be in the association and if I want to expand \u2013 say for my own sons \u2013 that will make a lot of sense when I tell you what I have in mind.\u201d<\/p>\n
Ben eyed his son warily. \u201cAnd just how many sons you planning on having?\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam flushed and ducked his head.<\/p>\n
\u201cOh, Adam, not again?! I told you to talk to the doc\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cPa!\u201d Adam turned to the desk and looked through his papers, ignoring his father\u2019s dismay.<\/p>\n
\u201cLook at this.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou sold all of your stock in that railroad?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI don\u2019t want to invest in California. I want to invest here.\u201d<\/p>\n
Ben relaxed, pleased at the comment, and looked down at the property description he pulled out of the pile.<\/p>\n
\u201cThat\u2019s the Timmerman place.\u201d His eyes widened. \u201cThat\u2019s the property you bought? That\u2019s a big ranch in itself.\u201d Adam flattened a large roll of paper. \u201cLook at this map. With the CP coming along the Truckee and then the Humboldt \u2013 any spur that goes down to Carson City is going to have to go right through the Timmerman place and the Buckeye, then the Ponderosa. And I have the lot.\u201d He ran his finger in a line through the Ponderosa to emphasize his point.<\/p>\n
Ben whistled.<\/p>\n
\u201cIt gives us both easier access to any spur you want to put across the Ponderosa.\u201d<\/p>\n
Ben tapped at his pipe, trying to improve the draw. “That’s a big risk. What if they try to go around both ranches?” He shook his head slightly and stared at his son, rehearsing all the arguments of the past month, and realizing that Adam was in much deeper than he had ever thought. “I knew you were interested in the railroad deal, in fact–” Ben stopped himself and grew suddenly intent on getting his pipe to work right. “And I thought you were worried about your string of beef,” he muttered in a half-hearted finish.<\/p>\n
Adam frowned, puzzled by his father’s behavior. \u201cI should have been worried. Shouldn\u2019t have done the beef this year.\u201d He ran his hand over his face, feeling all the weight of his, to him, suddenly-acquired obligations. He dropped into one of the chairs that faced the desk. \u201cWiped out most of my reserves. Guess I thought the pay-off would be worth it \u2013 get the investment back quicker if I had a herd ready to ship in two years instead of waiting another year and playing it safe. And I want<\/strong> the right-of-way to skirt the edges of the ranch \u2013 it\u2019s easier for the railroad, and better for us. I\u2019m not going to hold their feet to the fire with this \u2013 I don\u2019t want to make a killing out of this \u2013 just encourage the railroad to go where I want it and where it\u2019s best for the valley.\u201d<\/p>\nBen shook his head. \u201cYou always did have a tendency to let your education interfere with your thinking. You know, a lot of times I didn\u2019t let you do things on the Ponderosa not because I didn\u2019t want to try something big, but because I didn\u2019t want the complications. You\u2019re taking on some mighty big interests with this project.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThat never stopped you.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI was in the right place at the right time, and made some judicious purchases. This\u2026\u201d He shook his head slowly. \u201cA lot of people are going to lose everything by the time this nation gets its railroads. I trust Huntington implicitly, but some of the others\u2026 That big money from back east\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam picked up a pencil and toyed with the end of it. \u201cYou trust Huntington because of my mother.\u201d<\/p>\n
Ben slapped at the desk. \u201cI\u2019ve known Huntington for twenty years. I trust him because he\u2019s a good man, and could outthink and out-work even me. I know he<\/em> won\u2019t stab you in the back, but there will be others who won\u2019t have family ties, or a conscience.\u201d Ben stared at his son and the anger drained from him. Adam was stubborn, and as driven as any in his family, extended or not. But sometimes Ben wondered if it was all worth it. Would the men who tamed a continent be happy when all was said and done? He\u2019d suffered, as had Adam, in the pursuit of his own dream. He didn\u2019t want his son and his family to repeat the experience. \u201cYou\u2019re trying to do too much, too fast. It\u2019s not fair to Emily or the children.\u201d Adam raised his eyes from the pencil. \u201cAs I recall, you were busy carving out the Ponderosa from the wilderness when we were kids.\u201d<\/p>\n\u201cBut I only had three. The way you and Emily are going you\u2019ll have more than ten kids by the time you\u2019re done.\u201d Adam flushed under his father\u2019s direct stare and blunt words, and shook his head stubbornly.<\/p>\n
Ben raised an eyebrow and shook his head against the sure knowledge of what Adam\u2019s expression meant. \u201cI<\/p>\n
suppose\u2026you\u2019re not even well \u2013 ah, it\u2019s none of my business, if that\u2019s what you want,\u201d Ben said gruffly, \u201cbut you need to think about it and use some wisdom about raisin\u2019 them.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cEmily\u2019s not some hot-house flower\u2014\u201d Adam stopped abruptly and moderated his tone. \u201cThat\u2019s what I\u2019m trying to do \u2013 get the boys set with something that will be theirs and leave the whole area with something that will benefit\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou\u2019re running yourself ragged doin\u2019 it.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIt\u2019s only temporary, Pa. Once I have this finished, I can turn my attention to some of the other things that need to be done.\u201d<\/p>\n
Ben shook his head. \u201cThat\u2019s what I\u2019m afraid of.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat\u2019s the matter with you, Pa? You\u2019re always talking about building up a legacy, and leaving something for the future.\u201d<\/p>\n
A slow grin started over Ben\u2019s face. \u201cOh, I don\u2019t think you\u2019ll have to worry about that, son. Just don\u2019t forget to take time to look around and enjoy what God gave us \u2013 a lovely summer evening, the beauty of the mountains,\u201d he said, nodding at the window.<\/p>\n
Adam stared at him as if he had gone mad. \u201cYou okay, Pa? Maybe you need to see the doc\u2026\u201d Ben turned at the sound of his grandson\u2019s voice.<\/p>\n
\u201cTold ya, Pa. It\u2019s Grandpa!\u201d<\/p>\n
Ben watched the boy dart across the busy street and clasped Peter\u2019s shoulder to keep him from rushing headlong into his arms. He grinned down at the glowing face that was raised to his. \u201cWatch it \u2013 you\u2019ll knock your old grandpa over.\u201d \u201cAw, you\u2019re not old \u2013 well, not that old. What\u2019re you doin\u2019 in town, Grandpa?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cOh\u2014\u201d The amusement faded from Ben\u2019s eyes and he looked rather uncomfortable. \u201cJust come in fer some supplies.\u201d Adam looked down the street to where Buck was tethered outside the lawyer\u2019s office. \u201cWithout the buckboard?\u201d Ben glanced over his shoulder and colored a bit. \u201cEh?\u201d He rubbed at the back of his neck. \u201cOh \u2013 uh \u2013 gonna place an order, uh, well\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam rolled his eyes.<\/p>\n
\u201cWell, Hoss did ask me to take a look at the new hayer Charlie got in \u2013 and wipe that smirk off your face, Adam. I\u2019ve got legitimate business here in town.\u201d<\/p>\n
Peter looked at both men, confused by the exchange. \u201cMa said I could skip my chores today and watch, uh, help Pa out.\u201d Adam shook his head at this and leaned back against the pillar. \u201cYou know, Paul did say I could ride.\u201d He grinned and stood straight. \u201cDoes your chaperonage extend to lunch at the International?\u201d<\/p>\n
Peter\u2019s eyes lit up. \u201cYeah! Ya hungry, Grandpa? I\u2019m hungry.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou\u2019re always hungry, young man. You watch it or you\u2019ll be as big as your Uncle Hoss.\u201d Ben took Adam\u2019s arm and turned the two younger members of the clan towards the International House.<\/p>\n
\u201cNo, I don\u2019t think so,\u201d Peter said seriously. \u201cMa thinks I\u2019ll be as tall as Papa was \u2013 maybe as big as Pa. But not Uncle Hoss.<\/p>\n
That\u2019ll be Matt. Sammy calls him \u2018Moose\u2019\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
Ben blinked at this matter-of-fact estimate, and smiled over Peter\u2019s head at Adam, who merely shrugged his shoulders and tried not to laugh.<\/p>\n
\u201cNow, Libby \u2013 Ma says she was the biggest born, but she ain\u2019t gonna…\u201d<\/p>\n
Down the street, a man stepped out of the Silver Dollar and watched the confident stride of the two big men, and the boy between them who unconsciously mimicked their movements. His eyes lingered on their carefully tailored work clothes, and the child\u2019s well-cut knickers and expensive hat. Rich. Ranchers? A frown crossed his harsh features. Enemies. He elbowed his companion. \u201cWho\u2019re the tall fellas with the kid?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cCartwrights, Simmons, Cartwrights. You\u2019d best leave them be. They come even bigger than that, and that Adam and his younger brother will out-draw any hired gun you could find.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI know about Adam Cartwright. Beckett already worked him over.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou don\u2019t want ta get tangled up in that. \u2018sides, I heard Adam ain\u2019t all here anymore.\u201d The man tapped the side of his head. \u201cBeckett shouldna\u2019 started in on him neither \u2013 probably\u2019ll just make him meaner. Them Cartwrights practic\u2019ly run this country and turn right nasty when you try take somethin\u2019 from \u2018em.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cMoney makes people soft,\u201d Simmons said, half to himself. \u201cAnd a family can make a man slow to draw his gun\u2026\u201d He laughed softly and clapped the other man on the back. \u201cI\u2019m not gonna take on the Cartwrights, Otis. I\u2019ve got something else in mind\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAdam! And Peter \u2013 aren\u2019t you a sight for sore eyes.\u201d Essie Taylor exclaimed. \u201cCome in, my dears.\u201d<\/p>\n
Peter pulled off his hat and blushed as Essie folded him into an embrace. \u201cYou are getting to be a big boy, aren\u2019t you?<\/p>\n
Don\u2019t like my hugs anymore.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo, ma\u2019am. I mean, yes\u2026 ma\u2019am.\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam smiled at this tangled attempt at good manners and took off his own hat as he stepped through the door.<\/p>\n
\u201cI shouldn\u2019t tease you, Peter.\u201d She smoothed back his hair and put her hands on his shoulders to turn him towards the kitchen. \u201cI think you\u2019ll find some milk and cookies on the table in the kitchen that will keep you busy while I talk to your father for a bit. And if you have a mind to, you could test the swing \u2013 Charlie claims to have fixed it.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes, ma\u2019am!\u201d<\/p>\n
Essie smiled at Peter\u2019s retreating back and looked up at Adam appraisingly. \u201cGood thing you sent that note \u2013 Charlie was going to wait till Monday to fix that swing. How are you?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWell,\u201d he said simply.<\/p>\n
She looked as if she didn\u2019t believe him.<\/p>\n
\u201cAs well as can be expected,\u201d he allowed. He twirled his hat in his hand. \u201cHaven\u2019t gotten much of my memory back, if that\u2019s what you mean.\u201d<\/p>\n
She took the hat and hung it on the hall butler and then grasped his arm confidingly and pulled him towards the parlor.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhy don\u2019t you come sit down and tell me what\u2019s on your mind.\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam sat awkwardly in one of the stiff horsehair-stuffed chairs that current styles favored. He abruptly realized that Emily was right \u2013 they needed a more formal parlor, and a living room that they could be comfortable in, maybe towards the back of the house\u2026 and a real room for Fanny, or whomever he hired to help her\u2026<\/p>\n
\u201cAdam?\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam brought his mind back to the present with a mental shake and a certain amount of disgust. Why he continued to remember the least important aspects of his life\u2026<\/p>\n
He shook his head and politely enquired after Essie\u2019s health.<\/p>\n
\u201cWell, Fanny is a gentle thing, but you know she just wants to do the dairying. And she\u2019s going to up and marry some nice young man and set up housekeeping on her own in a few years. I don\u2019t know why you\u2019re so dead-set against hiring one of Hop Sing\u2019s cousins. Little heathens, all of \u2018em, but they\u2019re good people for all that; clean and they work hard, and won\u2019t run off and get married on you.\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam bristled at this speech. \u201cWhy shouldn\u2019t they?\u201d<\/p>\n
Essie looked at him blankly. \u201cWhy shouldn\u2019t they what?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhy shouldn\u2019t they get married?\u201d he asked brusquely. \u201cAnd why should I perpetuate system that I abhor?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThey want the jobs, Adam,\u201d Essie said gently.<\/p>\n
\u201cNo \u2013 they need the jobs. And then to be treated as they are\u2014 I don\u2019t want to be a party to it.\u201d \u201cYou are a party to it. Who does your laundry?\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam\u2019s face flamed. \u201cCan\u2019t get a washerwoman \u2013 all the girls want to work in town.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWell?\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam\u2019s flush stayed and he looked silently at the floor.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou have a need and they fill that need. There is nothing wrong with good honest work. Most who came to this country didn\u2019t come as Pilgrims, or as prosperous yeomen farmers \u2013 and don\u2019t give me that look. I\u2019m not saying you don\u2019t know what hard work is. My great-grandmother came as an indentured servant, and worked her time for an angry and cruel master. It was years before she married and moved west. Hop Sing is not bound, to your father or anyone else. He could take his savings and send for a girl and move to San Francisco.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHe likes it here,\u201d Adam muttered.<\/p>\n
\u201cWell, I suppose he \u2018likes it here\u2019 more than he wants to get married and live among his own.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIt\u2019s not just that.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI know, Adam. I know what goes on. It isn\u2019t Christian, what some do, but you can\u2019t change the world overnight. You have to work with what you\u2019ve got, and do your best by people, and that means not puttin\u2019 everything on Fanny, and especially not on Emily.\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam sighed and ran a hand over the back of his neck. \u201cThat\u2019s why I\u2019m here, Essie. I was wonderin\u2019 if maybe you know of some girl\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
He stopped as she shook her head. \u201cNo \u2013 it\u2019s as you said. Except for the girls who want to learn small farming, like Fanny, there\u2019s too much need in town for a good girl for them to be wantin\u2019 to do the housekeeping on a ranch, let alone taking care of all of those babies.\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam flushed again.<\/p>\n
\u201cYes, she told me. Seems to me that you\u2019d be a sight better keepin\u2019 your\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cEssie,\u201d Adam growled, his face coloring again. He stood and turned to the fireplace, putting his hands on his hips and toeing the empty grate. He ran a hand over his face and swiveled to face Emily\u2019s friend. \u201cAll right. I\u2019ll ask Hop Sing, I suppose.\u201d He smiled. \u201cHe has an endless supply of cousins, it seems.\u201d He ran a finger over his jaw. \u201cBut he gets Wednesday afternoons off, and if he wants to get married\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou can build him a cottage,\u201d Essie finished for him.<\/p>\n
Paul leaned back in his chair and stared at his old friend. There was little comfort in cold facts, facts which weren\u2019t even certain. How much hope could he give Ben that he would ever have his son complete and whole again? He cleared his throat and fiddled with his watch chain and chose his words carefully. \u201cI wish I could be more definite, Ben. You have to give him more time. The two of you \u2013 so impatient.\u201d<\/p>\n
Ben stood and paced the room. \u201cHe must remember, Paul, don\u2019t you see? He knows it, and I know it. Whatever the reason for that assault, it isn\u2019t going to go away just because Adam has managed to put it out of his mind. He\u2019s not living in some protected Eden \u2013 he\u2019s just as vulnerable as he was last week. I\u2019ve been trying to get him to move back to the Ponderosa\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n
Paul snorted. \u201cAnd the size of the Ponderosa has always kept Cartwrights safe\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n
Ben banged his fist on the top of Paul\u2019s desk. \u201cI know it hasn\u2019t! But to be out there all alone\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
Paul took a deep breath. \u201cIt doesn\u2019t feel like \u2018out there\u2019 to Adam, Ben. It\u2019s his home now. He\u2019s up to his full compliment of hands, and that\u2019s plenty of men to back him up, if he needs it.\u201d<\/p>\n
This sounded like it came right from Adam\u2019s mouth. \u201cYou\u2019ve been talking to him,\u201d Ben said suspiciously, and sank down into the chair at the corner of the desk.<\/p>\n
\u201cYes.\u201d Paul stood and put a hand on the older man\u2019s shoulder. \u201cHe\u2019s looking for answers, too, Ben. He\u2019s not consciously trying to run from anything, but underneath…something is eating at him.\u201d He moved away and leaned against his desk. “Is there something you’re not telling me?” he asked, regarding Ben steadily.<\/p>\n
Ben frowned and shook his head. \u201cNothing — just our argument over that railroad deal.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDoes he remember that? It was a pretty big blow up.\u201d Ben barely acknowledged the question and didn\u2019t answer. Paul sighed. It was like getting blood out of a stone. \u201cWell, perhaps it is just his circumstances. He seemed a little overwhelmed a few days ago, especially when he realized that Emily was expecting again\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n
Ben\u2019s lips thinned in irritation. \u201cI told him\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n
Paul pointedly ignored the interruption. \u201c\u2014 but he seems to have settled down now. He\u2019s not behaving erratically\u2014\u201d He caught the look of disagreement Ben shot at him. \u201cIs he?\u201d<\/p>\n
Ben shook his head and took his time answering. \u201cHe\u2019s been much calmer \u2013 hasn\u2019t tried any more stunts like the other evening. But I\u2019m afraid…\u201d He brought his head up. \u201cI know he was reliving the night he proposed to Emily. He said almost the same words \u2013 that Roy and I were keeping him out of town. It…it almost seems like when he sees or does something that triggers a bad memory \u2013 that\u2019s when he has one of his spells. But it didn\u2019t happen all weekend.\u201d Ben sighed. \u201cPerhaps he is getting better…\u201d<\/p>\n
A frown creased Paul\u2019s brow. \u201cHe didn\u2019t tell me that. That means his symptoms are partly emotional. Could be dangerous,\u201d he mused. \u201cHe goes into mild shock…\u201d His eyes met Ben\u2019s. \u201cIf he\u2019s alone when it happens…\u201d<\/p>\n
Ben leaned forward in his chair. \u201cThat\u2019s the thing; he won\u2019t acknowledge that he needs help. Says he \u2018feels fine\u2019 and to stop pestering him. Like he thinks nothing he can do will change if and when he has another of these attacks. He was so adamant yesterday \u2013 we were arguing again, about him moving back, at least temporarily, to the Ponderosa… I accused him of being careless of his life, and too willing to give in to \u2018fate\u2019.\u201d Ben shifted uncomfortably in his chair at the memory.<\/p>\n
\u201cIt was something we started Friday. He seems so fatalistic, and I…tried…to correct his thinking.\u201d Paul stared at his friend, wondering where this was going.<\/p>\n
\u201cLet alone his health, I wanted him to think about his life. Someone is out to get him. He said he, of all people, knew he could die at any time. He could try to avoid it, but one can\u2019t command others\u2019 actions, but he \u2018would always command\u2019 his own.\u201d<\/p>\n
Paul frowned again, the words setting off a warning bell in his mind. \u201cThat\u2019s not good. Those are the words he used\u2014\u201d \u201cAfter Kane,\u201d Ben finished quietly.<\/p>\n
\u201cIt took him months to come to terms with that,\u201d Paul started. \u201cIf something reminds him…” He looked hard at Ben. \u201cTell him now \u2013 it will at least prepare him. Tell him everything.\u201d Ben\u2019s eyes shifted away from his and Paul thumped his desk with his index finger. \u201cEverything, Ben. Is he still in town?\u201d<\/p>\n
Ben nodded. \u201cHe and Pete were headed over to the land office after lunch.\u201d<\/p>\n
Ben stood and crossed the room to pick up his hat from the foyer table. \u201cI can warn him, Paul, …and…explain, but… how long?\u201d he asked cryptically.<\/p>\n
\u201cI don\u2019t know, Ben,\u201d Paul said quietly, understanding his friend\u2019s question. \u201cI can\u2019t make any promises.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWe were supposed to leave for St. Louis in a few weeks, Joe and Hoss and I. How am I gonna leave him like this?\u201d Paul shook his head and sighed. \u201cI can\u2019t give you any guarantees.\u201d<\/p>\n
Ben straightened his shoulders and paused as he pulled open the door. \u201cWell, I can give you a guarantee \u2013 I\u2019m not going to run off to St. Louis if he isn\u2019t better, I don\u2019t care how much it hurts the ranch.\u201d<\/p>\n
Paul watched his Ben stride up the street. That was one thing he knew for certain. Ben\u2019s boys came first and ranch business would just have to wait.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat do you mean it\u2019s not in my name? Forty of my fifty was to go to the boys, and all of Mortimer\u2019s money. The ten left over was for a thousand acres in my name. No, I\u2019m not paying the transaction fees \u2013 you made the mistake. Re-file it now.<\/p>\n
…I can\u2019t wait eight months. Who puts it in escrow for eight months, anyway?… It\u2019s my<\/strong> money!\u201d<\/p>\nPeter Arminger (or Cartwright, as the folks in town had taken to calling him) kicked at the cross-piece on the old rickety chair Mr. Murphy had stuck him in. He\u2019d rather be in the office watching his pa give Mr. Murphy the what for. Pa in a rage was a sight to behold, best so because Peter knew it would never be directed at him. When Pa got mad he didn\u2019t tear inta ya \u2013 he might snap a quick rebuke, but you\u2019d be more afraid of what waited for you in the barn than ever gettin\u2019 a real taste of his temper. Peter grinned to himself and got out of his chair to press his eye to the gap in the green blind Mr. Murphy had pulled down to cover the window to the office.<\/p>\n
Pa was standing across the desk from \u2018the little snirp\u2019 \u2013 \u2018snirp\u2019, Peter repeated to himself, relishing the word his Uncle Hoss had applied to Mr. Murphy when he hadn\u2019t known Peter was listening. Pa had his hands on his hips and Mr. Murphy was almost twitching as he cowered in his chair. Pa jammed his hat on his head and looked at Mr. Murphy again. \u201cI only gave you this business as a favor to Clyde Healey. Straighten this out, Murphy, or you\u2019ll have a hard time practicing law in this town \u2013 I\u2019ll make sure of it.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBut, but, Mr. Cartwright; once the papers are filed\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cFix it,\u201d came the emphatic retort and Peter bolted away from the door to regain the seat he\u2019d been told to stay in. Pa looked at him suspiciously as he tried to unsuccessfully even out his breathing. \u201cCome on, boy \u2013 we\u2019re done here.\u201d \u201cPa?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHmm?\u201d<\/p>\n
Peter struggled to keep up with the long stride, and he dearly wanted to stop by the general store to see if there was a new shipment of his favorite candy. \u201cCan, uh, we look in and see if they got some of those caramels in?\u201d<\/p>\n
The quick, knowing smile accompanied a slowing of the rapid pace and some of the irritation seemed to fall away from the tall man in black.<\/p>\n
\u201cYeah \u2013 let\u2019s see if they have some peppermint sticks for your old pa.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAw, you ain\u2019t old…\u201d<\/p>\n
Matthew was up on Dorcas, dragging an old wooden beam around the yard, smoothing the gravel dampened by the night\u2019s rain. Adam watched the sturdy boy carefully guide the jenny around the lone tree that gave some shade to the corner of the house. He really ought to plant some grass there, he thought. Would give Libby a good place to play out of the afternoon sun… There was a sharp crack from over his left shoulder and Sport shied, his nature reactive as always. Pete\u2019s pony remained steady under the boy\u2019s careful hands and Adam turned in his saddle to look for the source of the noise.<\/p>\n
\u201cPa \u2013 Matt!\u201d Peter spurred his pony to where Dorcas lay on the ground, Matt a dazed and puzzled figure lying in the now disturbed perfection of the front yard.<\/p>\n
Adam slid off his horse and commanded a sharp \u201cPete, keep down \u2013 that sounded like a rifle shot\u2014\u201d He turned to see Dorcas give out one shuddering sigh and then lay still. Something fuzzed at his vision and he saw a donkey down in drier ground \u2013 his best hope to get out…Why\u2019d he do that? He\u2019s nuts!<\/em><\/p>\n\u201cPa?!\u201d<\/p>\n
Pa? Joe would start looking for him soon. Maybe already was. He\u2019d done what Kane asked; it seemed a reasonable, if hardnosed deal\u2014<\/em><\/p>\n\u201cPa? Can ya give me a hand with\u2014 Ma!\u201d<\/p>\n
The yell partly penetrated the fog that had settled on his mind, which had sapped his will and scattered his wits. He wasn\u2019t going to work for the obsessive\u2014 he\u2019d seen it before. Men who wouldn\u2019t give up on a claim, no matter what, and almost went mad in their determination.<\/em> He heard the clatter of a woman\u2019s heels on wood. That distinctive clackity-clack \u2013 the red veil over his vision parted a little. He was in VC?<\/em> He shook his head. He was in a yard \u2013 his yard. That was his wife. Those were his sons, huddled in the moist earth beyond the dead jenny.<\/p>\n\u201cEmily! Stay back!\u201d He ran to pick up the still-disoriented Matthew and urged Peter into a run for the house. \u201cGet inside \u2013 someone shot Dorcas. Emily, get down<\/strong>!\u201d<\/p>\n\u201cYou\u2019re going, and that\u2019s final.\u201d<\/p>\n
The never-weak line of her jaw firmed in defiance of the edict. \u201cDon\u2019t push me away! Don\u2019t you think I knew we\u2019d eventually face something like this\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes! But that doesn\u2019t mean I have to keep you here when I have time to get you out.\u201d His expression softened and he sat on the bed where Emily had been confined for the past day. \u201cYou could have lost the baby,\u201d he said in a low voice.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhatever is out there I\u2019ll better handle without worrying that you or the kids will get hurt.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBut you don\u2019t even remember what they want. You need me here \u2013 I know what your plans were\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
He shook his head slowly, knowing his decision was the right one, and more than ready to defend it. The rush to the heavy oak doors yesterday was a memory that wouldn\u2019t fade anytime soon. Peter had run fast, but he\u2019d had to grab Emily around the waist, Matt almost a dead weight in his other arm. His hard push to the floor knocked the wind out of her, and in that fierce moment after slamming the doors shut he\u2019d seen the same knowledge on Emily\u2019s face that he remembered in Inger so many years before. He saw the same shocked surprise at the impact and the fear that something wasn\u2019t quite right within \u2013 and the sudden lack of color that preceded a swoon. Emily\u2019s eyes had quickly fluttered open again, but not all of the doctor\u2019s later assurances could assuage his fear. Emily and the children were going to Sacramento in the morning.<\/p>\n
\u201cRoy and Clem, and Pa and I will get this sewn up soon. Joe\u2019s been scouring the records in the land office and Hoss and Clem have a good idea where the shooter came from. If you\u2019re here it will only limit what I can do \u2013 removing you will remove any leverage they might have over me.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou\u2019re going to get yourself killed.\u201d<\/p>\n
He smiled. \u201cNot if I can help it.\u201d He patted her knee and gave her a quick kiss on the cheek. \u201cYou\u2019ll have a nice visit with the Huntingtons, at least.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNot if I\u2019m worried about you. And they\u2019re your friends, not mine.\u201d<\/p>\n
He cast around for a way to ease the haunted look in her eyes. \u201cThey\u2019re not my friends, they\u2019re my family, and yours, now.\u201d He ran one finger down her cheek. \u201cYou\u2019re not alone out here, and neither am I. We have friends and family to back us up\u2026\u201d His words trailed off at her lifted eyebrow and the quickly-suppressed quirk of her lips. He dropped his hand from beneath her cheek as the feeling grew that he\u2019d lost an old argument.<\/p>\n
She didn\u2019t say a thing; just looked at him like the cat that had gotten the cream.<\/p>\n
\u201cAll right. Give.\u201d<\/p>\n
She threw her arms around his neck and hugged him close, the sudden change whip-sawing his thoughts in unwelcome directions.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhy do I have the feeling I\u2019ve just given in to something I didn\u2019t mean to?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI don\u2019t know, Adam,\u201d she said into his shoulder. \u201cBut it makes me easier about leaving you. You\u2019ll just have to think about it while I\u2019m gone.\u201d She pulled her head back to look into his eyes. \u201cIf it makes you feel better, you\u2019re not \u2018giving in\u2019 to me.\u201d He tightened his hold on her, mindful of the bruises he\u2019d left on her day before. \u201cI wish you\u2019d just say what you mean\u2014\u201d She stiffened in his arms. \u201cI did say what I mean \u2013 it\u2019s just not up to me to make you do one thing or the other, Adam. I\u2019m not trying to push you into anything, but there are some things,\u201d she lowered her eyes to look at the open neck of his shirt, \u201c…that I wish you\u2019d believe, or not worry so much about.\u201d She raised her eyes back to his. \u201cBut you have to learn that yourself.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cEmily\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIf I\u2019m going to leave, let\u2019s not argue.\u201d She pulled his face down to hers and kissed him lightly. \u201cDon\u2019t have time to waste, anyway, if you want me to catch that stage in the morning.\u201d<\/p>\n
He tried to put aside his irritation and returned her kiss perfunctorily.<\/p>\n
The eyebrow rose again and he gave in. \u201cEm! Just once \u2013 just once I\u2019d like to feel like I\u2019ve won one of these.\u201d She grinned. \u201cSee \u2013 your memory is coming back\u2014 Oh, no, no \u2013 I need to pack…\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThat\u2019s a mouthful \u2013 I can\u2019t go around calling him \u2018Doguoping\u2019 all the time. Isn\u2019t there something shorter I can call \u2018im?\u201d Hop Sing tilted his head slightly in thought. \u201cJust call him hu lai.\u201d He ignored the brief flash of anger that crossed his nephew\u2019s face and nodded his head. \u201cMeans \u201cnephew of venerable Hop Sing.\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam looked suspiciously at Hop Sing, and knew he was right at the smirk that he caught on Joe\u2019s face.<\/p>\n
The rebellious set to Guo Ping\u2019s jaw brought Joe\u2019s attitude of his mid teens forcibly to mind, and he began to wonder what had prompted the young man\u2019s removal from San Francisco. He\u2019d have to get the true meaning of the nickname from Joe later, but right now he had bigger things to worry about.<\/p>\n
\u201cAll right, Hoolay \u2013 your uncle can tell you what most of your duties will be around here. Can you handle a gun? My wife and children are away because of some trouble we\u2019re having…\u201d<\/p>\n
Joe watched Adam lead Guo Ping away and turned to Hop Sing and put his hands on his hips. \u201cWhy\u2019d you do it, Hop Sing?<\/p>\n
Don\u2019t you think he has enough troubles?\u201d<\/p>\n
Hop Sing rubbed his hands together and finally clasped them together tightly against his stomach. \u201cGuo Ping good, brave boy when little. But his mother worry all the time how things look, not how boy grow to be man. Too wild, too free in big city.\u201d Hop Sing struggled to find the words in English, knowing they were better than Joe\u2019s Mandarin. \u201cNo father \u2013 just busy uncles and cousins. Here he can learn to be a man\u2026from your brother…just like you learn. How that bad for Mr.<\/p>\n
Adam? He good worker \u2013 just like the girls too much \u2013 and poker.\u201d \u201cPoker, huh? You gonna teach to him to stay outa poker games?\u201d Hop Sing looked miffed at Joe\u2019s crack of laughter.<\/p>\n
Joe sobered and patted his old friend\u2019s shoulder. \u201cSorry. Are you sure you want him here? I hope he\u2019s a good shot…\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam put his hands on his hips and leaned back on his heels, studying the two men who\u2019d been badgering that weasel Murphy. At least the weasel had squealed to him this time. He had a feeling they weren\u2019t too pleased at having to lay their cards on the table, and briefly wondered why they hadn\u2019t come right out and made a counter-offer months ago. Whatever the reason, their plan would never work, if they were even telling him the truth now. He looked Reig up and down. The skinny Mormon was sweating nervously. It was hot, but not that hot. What was bugging him? Going against a Mormon\u2019s conscience in a matter of business was a hard thing indeed, when they were dealing with a \u2018gentile\u2019, but this fella looked like he had something to hide. And Beckett \u2013 well, he just plain made Adam\u2019s skin crawl. There was something…he tilted his head slightly as something tugged at his memory. Whatever it was it told him that he couldn\u2019t trust these men.<\/p>\n
When he figured he\u2019d let the two stew long enough, he spoke. \u201cYou can\u2019t run an operation that big in the valley \u2013 you\u2019ll ruin the land. Why do you think the Ponderosa is so big? It has to be to support the number of cattle we have. We shift \u2018em around, irrigate, use every trick we can and we still only have about 10,000 head. You can\u2019t have \u2018em any denser than that \u2013 this ain\u2019t like the east. An\u2019 if you\u2019re counting on the silver, that\u2019s gonna run out \u2013 got maybe ten, fifteen years. I\u2019m talking about puttin\u2019 in a branch line \u2013 you try to drag the main line down here to service your stock yard and you\u2019ll delay the whole thing by another…five…months…\u201d Delay the whole thing…months. Adam paused and dropped his hand to his holster. This could be bigger, much bigger than he\u2019d thought. Surely the UP wouldn\u2019t get involved in something dirty…<\/p>\n
\u201cMr. Cartwright\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThe answer is no, gentlemen. Can\u2019t convince you you\u2019re making a mistake, I reckon. I have work ta do so I\u2019d be obliged if you\u2019d get off my land \u2013 you see my lawyer \u2013 Clyde Hickes \u2013 you got the wrong man in Murphy \u2013 he was only working the Timmerman deal. Hickes will work with you if ya still want that bit o\u2019land for a spur \u2013 anything else an\u2019 you\u2019re just askin\u2019 for trouble \u2013 I\u2019m tellin\u2019 ya \u2013 that idea of yours just ain\u2019t gonna work out here.\u201d<\/p>\n
Beckett\u2019s eyes hardened and Adam resisted the urge to brush his hand across his mouth. The pressure on his lips wasn\u2019t really there, he told himself, and no one had his arm twisted behind him. Beckett?<\/em> His head began to pound and he suddenly felt as if he couldn\u2019t breath. \u2018Oh, no, not now,\u2019 was chased by \u2018Why now?\u2019 The question cleared his mind and he forced a bland smile to his lips, hiding a deep, steadying breath as he turned to his horse. \u201cYou fellas talk to any rancher around these parts and he\u2019ll tell ya the same. Shoulda looked inta things before you did those surveys.\u201d He swung up on Sport and nodded. \u201cGentlemen.\u201d<\/p>\nReig scratched at his neck as he watched the tall man in black ride away. It was hot, more than hot. Maybe the man had a point. \u201cYou think he knows?\u201d<\/p>\n
Beckett nodded. \u201cHe knows. Don\u2019t let that dumb rancher\u2014man of the earth act he just laid on us throw ya. He\u2019s just as sharp as his old man, went to Harvard, has his finger in half the railroads in northern California, and three mines that I know of. He\u2019s an engineer, and he\u2019s got Collis Huntington\u2019s ear \u2013 some kind of cousin or something.\u201d<\/p>\n
Reig\u2019s head snapped around at this. \u201cCollis Huntington?! Why didn\u2019t you stop me? Is that why you didn\u2019t want me to lay out our plans? What are we going to do?!\u201d he finished with a whine.<\/p>\n
Beckett\u2019s expression shifted to something that made the softer man\u2019s skin crawl. If Cartwright regained his memory, trying to make a deal with him would be a moot point. Reig could leave what little scruples he had behind. Cartwright would have to die.<\/p>\n
Adam paused beneath the trees near the crest of the hill, hunching his shoulders against the breeze that dried the sweat from between his shoulder blades. The two men had remounted and were turning their horses towards town. Beckett.<\/p>\n
More than the breeze chilled him now. Beckett had been there behind the barn, he was sure. Why would a railroad man stoop so low as to physically take on a rancher? And what was a Mormon doing working so closely with such a man? Beckett, for all his polished manner and fancy clothes, was a brutal bully. Hired muscle. Hired by the UP? Not likely. Adam shivered again and wondered if he was coming down with something as he pulled Sport around. It was time to let his father catch up with him. Ben could have his little \u2018talk\u2019, and Adam would get him to ask Henry Worthington to do some snooping around in Washington.<\/p>\n
The pressure of a hand over his mouth was stifling. He ignored the pain of his arm being twisted up behind his back to try throwing the man over, but a stunning blow to the side of his head rendered him limp in the man\u2019s grip. \u201cWatch it \u2013 ya almost hit me, you little rat.\u201d A small man? The man that held him was big \u2013 bigger than Hoss. A big man and a small man. Not hard to finger. \u201cThink about my proposition, Cartwright. I think you\u2019ll change your mind.\u201d Adam fought to focus on the now blurry scene. \u201cMighty fine stock you have here.\u201d Beckett leaned back in his saddle and squinted into the sun. <\/em><\/p>\n\u201cGuess that prize bull of yours could find its way to some cook fire just a mite too soon to be any use to you, if this ain\u2019t warning enough.\u201d He brought his eyes down to meet Adam\u2019s clearing vision. \u201cOr I might just take something a little more valuable \u2013 like that pretty little wife you got. Even for a Cartwright a woman has to have a little more value than a piece of land.\u201d <\/em><\/p>\n\u2018No! Never again!\u2019 Adam heaved his shoulders against the broad chest behind him, but the giant\u2019s grip was unbreakable. <\/em><\/p>\nBeckett nodded at the smaller man. \u201cLay \u2018im out.\u201d <\/em><\/p>\nThere was another explosion of pain in the side of his head and he knew no more\u2026<\/em><\/p>\nHe knew it was dawn as he came awake, his sweat streaked body twisted in the sheets, hands clutching at Emily\u2019s empty pillow. He took a deep, shuddering breath as he struggled to pull back from a swirling abyss of rage and terror. Rage at some still unseen tormentor, and terror at what he had done. He\u2019d killed. Not with the cold, detached efficiency of his gun, as he\u2019d done too many times even in self-defense, but with his bare hands. Did Beckett inspire such fear and anger? No.<\/p>\n
Someone else. Some other enemy. Something he didn\u2019t quite remember. Perhaps the something his father had been dogging him for days about. He hadn\u2019t killed anyone behind the barn \u2013 that memory was clear now, at least; the paralysis of sleep had reinforced the sensation of the powerful hold Beckett\u2019s henchman had had him in.<\/p>\n
He let go of the pillow and rolled onto his back, rubbing one hand across his eyes and then covering his face with his hands. What did it mean? The violent images were not a coherent memory, and had only appeared in his dreams after Dorcas had been shot. The nightmares had provided the final impetus for banishing Emily and the children before he did something to endanger them. If he\u2019d acted on the almost irresistible impulse to kill\u2026 He shuddered and swung his feet to the floor. He was going out of his mind, he thought. He couldn\u2019t have murdered someone \u2013 he wouldn\u2019t be walking the streets, mad or sane.<\/p>\n
He dragged himself to the kitchen and grimaced, unready to face even Guo Ping. The smell of coffee was steadying, and righted the world, at least for the moment. He abandoned his cup after a few sips, though, curious about the stream of shouted Chinese invective that came through the open half of the kitchen door, and grinned at the sight of Guo Ping prodding the business end of Emily\u2019s best milker. The cow had apparently escaped her pen, and was contentedly munching the tender tops of the turnips Emily had growing in the last row of the garden. He\u2019d tangled with the creature enough times himself that he knew it would take nothing short of an earthquake to get her away from that garden. Or Fanny. Fanny could talk that cow into anything. He let loose a soft curse. Fanny was in Sacramento. He left his anxieties behind as he stepped off the porch, and fervently hoped that no one would ride up to the ranch to see its half-naked owner and Chinese houseboy trying to wrangle one stubborn cow.<\/p>\n
\u201cAdam.\u201d<\/p>\n
Ben\u2019s brief nod and tug at his hat set off warning bells in Adam\u2019s mind. The serious cast to his father\u2019s expression was one that he only saw when something very bad had happened. \u201cPa? I thought you were headed over to Carson today.\u201d \u201cMay I come in?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYeah. Sorry.\u201d Adam opened the door wide and led the way back to the kitchen. \u201cYou want some coffee? I just made a new pot.\u201d<\/p>\n
Settled in the study with the coffee tray between them on the round table Adam used for business meetings, the two men sat in awkward silence.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat\u2019s on your mind, Pa? You\u2019ve been chasing me around for days, just itchin\u2019 to say something.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cSure is quiet around here.\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam eyed his father over the rim of his coffee cup, deciding it really must be something big if Ben was dancing around it this way. \u201cYep. It was nice the first day, but\u2014\u201d He shrugged his shoulders. \u201cHad kinda gotten used to the… commotion.<\/p>\n
Again, I expect.\u201d<\/p>\n
Ben grinned. \u201cYeah. Took a fair bit of gettin\u2019 used to, all this.\u201d He laughed. \u201cDon\u2019t think you knew what you were in for when you married Emily. Those imps were always so well behaved when you were courting her.\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam sobered. \u201cThey still are. Too well behaved for young boys.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThey took everything to heart a little too much, I suppose. Like someone else I know.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIs that what this is about, Pa? Something I took too serious?\u201d<\/p>\n
Ben carefully examined the bottom of his coffee cup.<\/p>\n
\u201cPa…\u201d Adam said softly.<\/p>\n
Ben grimaced and raised his eyes to examine his son instead. \u201cYou have another \u2018spell\u2019?\u201d \u201cNo.\u201d<\/p>\n
Ben waited, knowing this wasn\u2019t the truth.<\/p>\n
\u201cI didn\u2019t pass out,\u201d Adam muttered. \u201cI met Beckett and his…associate yesterday afternoon. I remembered…part of what happened behind the barn.\u201d He paused, trying to find the words to fit the images from his dreams. \u201cBeckett was there.<\/p>\n
Guess I shoulda sent for Roy, but I don\u2019t want him to move on \u2018em yet.\u201d<\/p>\n
Ben leaned forward eagerly. \u201cYou remember being attacked?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIt\u2019s still kinda fuzzy. Beckett was on a horse. A little fella kept takin\u2019 swings at me with a board \u2013 big one got me from behind.\u201d He shook his head. \u201cI don\u2019t have it all, still. I dreamed it, last night… Just not real clear.\u201d<\/p>\n
Ben tried to conceal his excitement, and his impatience. \u201cTell me what you remember.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNothin\u2019 about them comin\u2019 up on me\u2014\u201d He clenched his eyes shut and gave Ben the details of the dream, trying to give him every last nuance and impression.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou should send for Roy. He\u2019ll take your word\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam stood impatiently and crossed to his desk. \u201cNo \u2013 I think Beckett is only part of the problem. He\u2019s in partnership with a Mormon, of all things. They want to put a stockyard in down towards Carson \u2013 and have it served by the main line railway.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThat ain\u2019t gonna work \u2013 don\u2019t they know that? And who would feed them stock? Who\u2019s this Mormon?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cReig.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cJosiah Reig?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYeah, you know him?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cTwenty years and more. He cloaks everything he does in respectability \u2013 skirts just this side of the law, but he\u2019s mighty busy filling his pockets, and any of his family\u2019s, at the expense of any right dealings. Wouldn\u2019t get involved with him at any price.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI told them their plan wouldn\u2019t work.\u201d Adam unrolled a map and pointed to the route the railroad would take. \u201cTold \u2018em I was going to put in a branch line \u2013 it\u2019ll serve the valley fine. Even Virginia City\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n
Ben waved his hand to stop Adam\u2019s discourse. \u201cYes, yes. What did they say?\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam let go of the map and turned to face his father, crossing his arms high on his chest as he leaned back against the desk. \u201cDidn\u2019t say much of anything. Beckett wasn\u2019t taking no for an answer, though \u2013 I could see it in \u2018im. Reig was just plumb scared. Don\u2019t know what of, though.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cOf you,\u201d Ben said softly.<\/p>\n
\u201cMe?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cProbably wished they\u2019d used a third party to acquire the land they need.\u201d He answered Adam\u2019s raised eyebrow with a small smile. \u201cSon, you know more about these railroads than just about anyone out here.\u201d He eyed his son carefully, seeing him as others saw him, and not knowing quite how to put his thoughts into words. \u201cAnd you can be…intimidating.\u201d Adam pursed his lips. \u201cThat\u2019s something I\u2019ve had to cultivate, and you know it.\u201d He sighed. \u201cI don\u2019t want to be that man anymore. I think I took on all this\u2014\u201d He waved his arm to indicate the ranch \u201c\u2014to leave all that behind. Why can\u2019t I just have a nice little spread and a family \u2013 be like other folks and just keep my head down?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIs that what you want \u2013 to be able to forget all that you are, all that you\u2019ve done? You\u2019re throwing an awful lot of good out with the bad.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI know, Pa.\u201d He rubbed a hand over his eyes. \u201cThat\u2019s not what I meant. I just want it all to end \u2013 I want to be able to put off my gunfighter\u2019s black \u2013 to not have to try to intimidate every stranger that might be a threat to me and mine.\u201d Ben put one hand on his shoulder and Adam knew he was in for one of his father\u2019s quiet lectures. \u201cJohn Adams once wished the same thing, son, but I think he was wrong. We can never give up \u2018the study of war\u2019, as he put it, because there will always be someone trying to steal from his neighbor. If you don\u2019t do it, someone with no principles will.\u201d He took a deep breath and leaned forward. \u201cAsa Moran should be fresh in your mind, hmm?\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam nodded and his hand went unconsciously to the site of the long-healed stitches, too close to the ones Paul had just taken out of his scalp.<\/p>\n
\u201cHe was willing to step up, all right, but he didn\u2019t have the strength of character to handle the responsibility.\u201d He gave his son a hard, considering look. \u201cYou have that strength, Adam, always have, I \u2018spose\u2026 and I\u2019ve used it. I\u2019m sorry for it \u2013 I know it marked you, but you haven\u2019t done so badly, have you?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo, Pa, I guess not,\u201d Adam replied softly.<\/p>\n
\u201cGood, I\u2019m glad we agree on that.\u201d Ben slapped his shoulder lightly, bringing Adam out of his reverie. \u201cNow, there are some things we need to discuss…\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam stared at the heavy green velvet curtains that hung at the open casement windows. He could hear the sounds of the ranch hands going about their morning business, and Guo Ping\u2019s hectoring interrogation as he strove to find out who\u2019d left the gate open on the dairy side of the barn.<\/p>\n
His dream made sense, now, and he shifted his gaze back to his father, one question left burning though the halfremembered pain. \u201cDid…did I have to be confined?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo! You were ill and exhausted, not crazy.\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam clenched his hands tightly as if that could erase the memory of Kane\u2019s stubbly throat beneath their blistered and bleeding grip. So dry \u2013 parched throat, skin taut from too little water, stomach shriveled from too little food \u2013 then to see there\u2019d been food and water the whole time, that it was all a game. And the indignities \u2013 the madman\u2019s control had extended even to the greatest intimacies \u2013 dissecting his prisoner\u2019s mind even as he dictated every movement in the crazy dance toward death. A dance Adam had abruptly ended \u2013 choosing to no longer be hostage to a deferred end\u2026 He let his head sink into his hands. Well cared for again, he thought ironically, the calluses smoothed as much as could be, their strength used more often now to caress than to hurt, and never again in anger. He drew a shaky breath. \u201cI\u2019d always thought I could handle anything another man could dish out.\u201d He shook his head slightly. \u201cI\u2019d tested my mettle against all manner of men. But this \u2013 this was different. I failed the test.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo you didn\u2019t. You won \u2013 you lived.\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam\u2019s head jerked up. \u201cDon\u2019t say that,\u201d he snapped. \u201cThat\u2019s what he made it \u2013 a contest \u2013 who would break \u2013 who would kill \u2013 and I did \u2013 I strangled him\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou didn\u2019t! You tried to save his life. After<\/em> he tortured you.\u201d<\/p>\nAdam rose and went to the window. Guo Ping had found his man and seemed to be in the middle of an extended harangue. \u2018Must run in the family,\u2019 he thought irrelevantly. He started a little as he felt his father\u2019s hand come down on his shoulder.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou\u2019re a good man, Adam. You stayed true to your convictions. You didn\u2019t kill Kane \u2013 he killed himself with his hatred and bitterness. You were everything he wasn\u2019t, and he wanted to take you down with him.\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam watched the young cowboy take his slumped shoulders off towards the bunkhouse in a dejected shuffle. He was only a kid. He\u2019d have to have a talk with Guo Ping… When he was that age…he\u2019d had the whole of the Ponderosa on his shoulders. And because of his father, he\u2019d been able to meet the challenge. One of the times his father had \u2018used\u2019 him.<\/p>\n
More like clung to him when life seemed its blackest. \u201cDid I, Pa?\u201d he whispered, half to himself. \u201cMaybe I really did have everything given to me. How much is a good father worth? Or a good mother? Mothers?\u201d<\/p>\n
Ben stepped to Adam\u2019s side and looked into his face. \u201cI don\u2019t know, son. But you did right, always have, always will, I expect. You came through the fire \u2013 still what is Adam Cartwright at your core \u2013 a decent, honorable man who wouldn\u2019t be pushed into murder even when it meant he might lose his own life. You chose that path \u2013 I didn\u2019t choose it for you. No father can.\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam kept his eyes down, away from his father\u2019s penetrating stare. \u2018Choose.\u2019 The doc said he had to choose. To stop running away from his memories \u2013 as if that could wipe out his former life, letting him start anew. He closed his eyes tightly. He couldn\u2019t force himself to remember, could he?<\/p>\n
\u201cAdam?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYeah, Pa.\u201d He sighed. There was no time. He had to be ready now; had to remember everything, and had to be able to as strong as he ever had been\u2014<\/p>\n
\u201cYou look a little pale, son. Why don\u2019t you go lie down\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI can\u2019t!\u201d<\/p>\n
Ben looked taken aback by Adam\u2019s outburst. \u201cWhat\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIt\u2019s time, Pa. Beckett\u2019s going to make his move \u2013 he has to know that I\u2019ll remember him. He\u2019ll have to kill me to get what he wants, and I can\u2019t let that happen.\u201d He rubbed a hand over his face, as if another repeat of that action would wipe the cobwebs from his mind. He moved over to the locked gun case that ranged along the outside wall. \u201cI seem to have a penchant for collecting dependents lately, but I think I can put it all to use…\u201d He turned back to Ben and grinned. \u201cYou know, when I saw that ridiculous contraption I hooked up in the bathroom, I knew I\u2019d really gone around the bend.\u201d Seeing his father\u2019s frown, he smiled a little. \u201cWindmills, Pa, windmills.\u201d<\/p>\n
Ben put his hands on his hips and returned the grin, comprehending. \u201cYes, you got your windmills. I still think\u2014\u201d \u201cI know what you think, Pa, but they\u2019re my windmills. And they\u2019re going to stay mine. And I\u2019m gonna build more.\u201d Ben shook his head and approached the gun case, but he was pleased all the same. This sounded more like the old Adam. \u201cI expect so. What can I do to help defend them?<\/p>\n
…You will let us help, won\u2019t you?\u201d he finished softly.<\/p>\n
\u201cYes.\u201d Adam sighed. \u201cLook, Pa, I know we\u2019ve had our disagreements lately \u2013 I mean, I think<\/em> I know \u2013 an\u2019 I think you did something to mightily tick me off, but for the life of me I can\u2019t remember what it was…yet.\u201d A flush stained his cheeks and he looked down at his boots. \u201cEm near squeezed the life out of me when I said we had family to help\u2014\u201d<\/p>\nBen laughed a little at the idea of his slender daughter-in-law squeezing the life out of anyone, let alone Adam, but sobered as he listened to his son continue.<\/p>\n
\u201c\u2014so I suppose there was some wrong on my side as well…\u201d<\/p>\n
Ben uncharacteristically dropped his eyes from Adam\u2019s gaze and seemed to hesitate over what to say. He gave up and laid his hand on Adam\u2019s shoulder. \u201cYou know I only want to do my best by you boys\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n
Irritation, impatience, and finally exasperated acceptance played across Adam\u2019s dark features. Whatever his father had to say, it wasn\u2019t going to be today. \u201cYeah, Pa, I know,\u201d he said softly. He pushed aside his irritation and changed the subject.<\/p>\n
\u201cHoss and Joe say anything about what they dug up?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cOnly what you thought was true. Beckett filed a claim \u2013 just one of many \u2013 The Homestead Act is opening things up like never before.\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam grunted. \u201cFolks around here will be able to make a go of it, but they\u2019ll never get people on that land \u2013 not permanent. Too dry. A lot of this out here \u2013 a couple of years of no rain\u2026 Even Reno will never amount to anything \u2013 \u2018cept as a watering place for the railway, let alone trying to do something like what those fellas are talking about.\u201d He leaned one arm on the gun case. \u201cWhat I\u2019d like to know is what they really want.\u201d<\/p>\n
Ben lifted his head and looked at his son. \u201cReckon you\u2019ll know before I do. What\u2019re you thinkin\u2019?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI think it\u2019s a diversion for whatever their real plans are. Seems almost like they want to delay the CP and have the UP gain more ground. More ground means more revenue. Dunno. They might actually want a stockyard.\u201d He brought his hand up to squeeze his father\u2019s arm. \u201cThere is something you could do for me, Pa, if you would. Would you wire Henry Worthington and see if these fellas lobbied him \u2013 I can\u2019t see why they\u2019d be out here unless they already tried and failed there. He might have some idea of what they\u2019re really after.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHe might.\u201d Ben could almost see the wheels turning in his son\u2019s head. \u201cWhat is it?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou know, Pa, I wish I\u2019d talked to you last week, \u2018stead of getting\u2019 all riled up \u2013 some things would \u2018a made some sense.<\/p>\n
Hoss tried to tell me\u2014\u201d He shook his head and sighed. \u201cIf they don\u2019t want to link to the main line, we might just run a railroad from Virginia City to Carson \u2013 service the mines. I made up a proposal for Porter Meredith and had a meet\u2014\u201d \u201cMerry?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYeah. Why? He seemed pretty cool to the idea \u2013 except he seemed to understand what I had in mind\u2026\u201d Adam trailed off and paled, and then slowly raised his eyes to meet his father\u2019s suddenly uncomfortable gaze. \u201cThat\u2019s<\/em> what I was so angry about! You knew it. Just now you could have told me!\u201d His fists clenched in agitation and he took a step towards his father.<\/p>\n\u201cYou went behind my back and said something to him \u2013 was it in one of those smoke-filled rooms \u2013 you trying to make some money on the deal too?\u201d<\/p>\n
Ben looked aghast at the harsh accusation. \u201cNo, no. Son, I was trying to help\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHelp?!!\u201d Adam turned and smashed his fist into the table hard enough to make the coffee service jump. \u201cYou nigh on got me killed \u2013 no wonder he didn\u2019t seem too enthusiastic \u2013 I bet if I do some digging he\u2019s the one behind this \u2013 with his eastern investors.\u201d He whipped around to find his father on his heels. \u201cHow could you \u2013 can\u2019t you keep your nose outa my business for one min\u2014\u201d He raised his hands to his head as a blinding pain shot around his skull to settle above his eyes.<\/p>\n
\u201cGod,\u201d he gasped. \u201cPa\u2026\u201d He sagged and Ben caught him under his arms and eased him into one of the chairs.<\/p>\n
\u201cHop \u2013 Guo Ping!\u201d Ben, never one for cursing, sent up a prayer instead as he wet his kerchief from the carafe of water Adam kept on his desk. He dabbed at his son\u2019s white face, concerned by Adam\u2019s unresponsiveness.<\/p>\n
\u201cYes, Mr. Cartwright?\u201d Ben\u2019s bellow had the young chinaman running.<\/p>\n
\u201cGet one of the hands to ride for Doc Martin and another in here to help me with my son.\u201d Ben laid the handkerchief over Adam’s brow as Guo Ping fled the room. \u201cPaul, my old friend, I should have listened to you…\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHe wouldn\u2019t want this.\u201d<\/p>\n
Joe\u2019s voice. Angry. Uncertain. Scared.<\/p>\n
\u201cIt\u2019s got to be done, son.\u201d<\/p>\n
Hoss\u2019s rumbling undertones were overlaid by Doctor Martin\u2019s clear commands. \u201cGet that pillow behind him \u2013 I want his head elevated a little higher. Ben, bring that lamp closer over here.\u201d<\/p>\n
His eyes didn\u2019t seem to want to cooperate. He felt something \u2013 a cloth? \u2013 go around his arm and get tied tightly into\u2026a tourniquet? He shifted away with a whispered \u201cno!\u201d<\/p>\n
The doctor cursed under his breath. \u201cHe\u2019s coming around. Hold him down, Hoss.\u201d<\/p>\n
There was a hard squeeze to his shoulder and his eyes finally seemed to want to work. \u201cPa?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m here, Adam.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat\u2026what happened?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou passed out again. It was bad this time. You need an operation Paul doesn\u2019t want to perform, not here, at least. So he has to try something else.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAdam! Hold still!\u201d Doctor Martin\u2019s voice was sharp with tension. \u201cNone of your nonsense now, you hear me?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes.\u201d He felt too weak to fight them all, in any case. What would be, would be, and there wasn\u2019t a thing he could do about it. The doctor\u2019s fingers skillfully manipulated his veins and he looked down at his arm in time to see the sharp instrument execute its designed function. He\u2019d had better reactions to some of his messier injuries \u2013 he let his head drop against the pillows as he watched the blood well up in the wake of the multiple blades. \u201cDamned mechanical leech,\u201d he muttered.<\/p>\n
Paul\u2019s eyes flickered up to his at this and he smiled wryly. \u201cYes, but it\u2019s the best I can do right now. Betsy knocked over my jar.\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam shuddered and turned his face away. \u201cSomeday they\u2019ll find this ain\u2019t right.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes, well, meantime, I need a way to get the blood away from that little ding you took to the head. Unless you want me to drill\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n
This time it was Ben who paled. \u201cPaul\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHe wants some plain speaking and I\u2019m gonna give it to him. Adam, I think you have a hematoma, a bruise, under your skull. In theory, I know how to drill in and drain it, but I\u2019ve never done it before, an\u2019 I\u2019d like not to learn on you, so I\u2019m tryin\u2019 a little bloodletting to see if we can get your pressure down. Sometimes these injuries resolve themselves.\u201d \u201cIf you know how\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n
The doctor answered the unspoken question. \u201cInflammation, Adam \u2013 it\u2019s too much of a risk, so I\u2019ve made it a rule not to trepan \u2013 this is safer.\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam turned his face into the pillow and grunted. \u201cSo says you. Hoss?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYeah, Adam?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cGet off a\u2019me \u2013 I ain\u2019t goin\u2019 anywhere.\u201d<\/p>\n
Hoss looked sheepish as he took one arm away from where it rested on Adam\u2019s chest and the other from pinning his brother\u2019s hip to the bed.<\/p>\n
\u201cSorry.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cS\u2019aright. I\u2019m sure I\u2019ll return the favor sometime\u2026like next spring.\u201d He managed a slow wink and Hoss grimaced.<\/p>\n
\u201cIf yer strong enough to hold me down next spring I promise not to argue with the tonic. You jest get better.\u201d \u201cYeah,\u201d Adam breathed, as he lost the battle to keep his eyes from drifting closed. \u201cGet better\u2026Paul?\u201d<\/p>\n
Paul looked up from his work. \u201cYes?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIf I don\u2019t\u2026?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWe\u2019ll send for Emily. Do you want her now?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes. No.\u201d His head rolled back and forth on the pillow. \u201cToo dangerous. Don\u2019t tell… Pa?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes, son?\u201d Ben\u2019s hand tightened again on the solid bare shoulder that should have been hard at work at this hour.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m still mad at you. I \u2018member. You tell \u2018em\u2026tell them I\u2019m gonna fight \u2018em\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam sighed and Ben dropped his head, unable to meet Joe\u2019s questioning gaze, or the doctor\u2019s quick glance of displeasure, and praying that Adam would pull through to be able to yell at him.<\/p>\n
\u201cMy territory, my railroad \u2013 no land-grabbing strangers\u2026 Gonna ram it down their throats \u2013 gonna run it up ta Reno, just\u2026to\u2026show \u2018em.\u201d Adam continued, almost too quietly to hear.<\/p>\n
\u201cAdam, calm down. You\u2019re not going to do anything but end your life with a massive fit if you fight now. Save it for next month.\u201d The doctor loosened his hold on Adam\u2019s arm to momentarily check his pulse.<\/p>\n
\u201cMonth? Don\u2019t have a month\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
Joe averted his eyes as the doctor emptied one glass cup into the bowl and applied the next. \u201cYou\u2019re going to have all the time the time you need, big brother. We found enough on Beckett and Reig\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat about Meredith?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHe seems clean. He\u2019s been looking for investors to run a rail line down to Carson \u2013 didn\u2019t really seem to understand that Beckett was after something more.\u201d<\/p>\n
Hoss broke in. \u201cSomeone\u2019s putting pressure on the small ranchers to sell out.\u201d He caught the look the doctor shot at him and glanced down at the rising reservoir, tempering his next words to suit his brother\u2019s condition. \u201cRoy\u2019s got what we found, so you jest don\u2019t worry none. He\u2019ll do what\u2019s needed. He said you\u2019ll just need to testify that them two threatened you\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam opened his eyes. \u201cThey\u2019ll go to ground \u2013 he\u2019ll never find \u2018em, not once they know someone\u2019s been snooping around their business.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWell, fer sure Roy\u2019ll think up a way to smoke \u2018em out,\u201d Hoss said, not liking the glimmer of interest that he saw in his brother\u2019s eyes. \u201cAn\u2019 you\u2019re gonna stay in that bed or I\u2019ll tie you to it and don\u2019t you go thinkin\u2019 anything different.\u201d Joe grinned and patted Adam\u2019s arm. \u201cHe\u2019ll do it, too, Adam. He\u2019s got a nasty habit of trussin\u2019 up a feller nice and tight when he doesn\u2019t do what he\u2019s told.\u201d<\/p>\n
Ben smiled and then sobered as he remembered the fear that had been in him *that* night. He looked down at the bowl that the doctor had been steadily filling. \u201cPaul!\u201d<\/p>\n
The doctor gave him another fierce glance. \u201cNot even half, Ben,\u201d he whispered. \u201cJust keep him talking\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBlasted\u2026 \u2013 Joe!\u201d The crash that followed the bellow brought Joe running from the kitchen.<\/p>\n
\u201cNow what did you do?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNothin\u2019 \u2013 can\u2019t seem to do anything, still. Would you please get me a new pitcher of water?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cGet back in bed. I\u2019ll shave you.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou?! You \u2018bout slit my throat last time \u2013 where\u2019s Hoss?\u201d<\/p>\n
Joe sighed and rolled his eyes as he shoved his brother back towards the bed. \u201cHe had some chores to do at home. Now get back in bed or I\u2019ll tell the doc you\u2019ve been misbehavin\u2019 again.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cJoe \u2013 I\u2019m better \u2013 I can tell! No headaches, no dizziness. Ask me something, anything, and I\u2019ll remember it!\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cUh, huh. You sound like me when I\u2019m tryin\u2019 to talk Hoss inta something. Get in bed.\u201d He held the covers back and patted the bed as if that would tempt Adam back into it. He didn\u2019t like the calculating look that crossed his brother\u2019s face. \u201cForget it. You can\u2019t even lift that pitcher properly.\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam gave in. Joe had consistently been the hardest to talk into anything. \u201cDon\u2019t know where you got such a hard head.<\/p>\n
No sympathy. I feel sorry for your future family.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI have plenty of sympathy \u2013 except when you ain\u2019t doin\u2019 what you\u2019re supposed to.\u201d He looked his brother over critically.<\/p>\n
Adam\u2019s color was still off a little, and he\u2019d lost weight, but he did look stronger than he had the week before. The doctor had bled him to the point that Joe was afraid for his life, but the procedure seemed to have indeed worked. He pulled the covers up around Adam\u2019s shoulders. \u201cGuo Ping just about has lunch ready. You wanna eat?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo.\u201d<\/p>\n
Joe crossed his arms over his chest. \u201cYou gotta eat, Adam.\u201d He tugged at one of the curls that lay against the nape of Adam\u2019s neck and smiled. Emily would moan over what he was going to propose, but she\u2019d never know what she\u2019d missed.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019ll make you a deal, big brother. You eat for me today and I\u2019ll see if we can talk Emmett out here to give you a nice shave and a haircut. How would you like that?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cStop patronizing me, Joe. I\u2019m not crazy. Not yet<\/em>, he finished under his breath as he rolled away from his brother\u2019s touch.<\/p>\n\u201cI\u2019m not \u2013 Aw, cut it out, Adam. You\u2019re grumpier than a bear with a toothache. Why don\u2019t you just send for Emily \u2013 you don\u2019t give her this kind of trouble. And wipe that grin off a\u2019 your face!\u201d Joe whirled and stomped out of the room. \u201cYou\u2019re gonna eat, and you\u2019re gonna stay in bed\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam rolled over on his side and looked out the window at the limited view of his ranch. \u201cI would if I could, Joe,\u201d he whispered, shivering as he contemplated the next who-knew-how many weeks without his wife and the probably dangerous alternative.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat\u2019s this I hear about you giving Joe a lot of trouble?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDoc?\u201d Adam dragged his eyes open. He still spent more time sleeping than he wished to, and he pushed away the irritation sparked by finding the doctor with his wrist already in hand. He hadn\u2019t even heard him come in. \u201cNo trouble \u2013 just a little disagreement about shaving\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAnd eating, and staying in bed, and sneaking out of your room.\u201d He thumped his patient\u2019s chest, listening closely to see if any problems had developed since his last visit. \u201cI want you to do some calculations for me \u2013 how about multiples of 18?\u201d \u201cHuh? Oh. Um, 18, 36, ow, Doc!, 72\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
The doctor listened absently while he checked Adam\u2019s reflexes. \u201cVery good. Tell me about your ranch \u2013 how many acres \u2013 that irrigation arrangement you put in last spring\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat irrigation?\u201d<\/p>\n
Paul smiled. \u201cThat\u2019s right \u2013 you haven\u2019t done it yet \u2013 you remember telling your pa and me about it a couple of days before your injury?\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam\u2019s brow crinkled in confusion. \u201cI don\u2019t know, Paul, we talked about a lot of things that night.\u201d<\/p>\n
The doctor patted his leg and smiled again. \u201cThat\u2019s all right. Normal for you not to necessarily remember it. Here, stand up, and tell me about the Buckeye\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWell?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019d say he needs a good dose of his family about now \u2013 and I don\u2019t mean you three. He\u2019s lonely, bored, and worried, but he\u2019s definitely not ready to do any work around here yet \u2013 I\u2019d give him about three more weeks before he\u2019s back to normal.\u201d<\/p>\n
Ben looked offended, then amused at the comments. \u201cWell, I\u2019m sorry we don\u2019t quite measure up, but Roy still hasn\u2019t found Beckett and his men, and no one will say if they\u2019ve seen Reig. I can\u2019t imagine Adam letting Emily come back here under the circumstances.\u201d<\/p>\n
Paul shook his head. \u201cHe needs to do something, or he\u2019s going to get into trouble. Bookwork, his drawings \u2013 I\u2019ll let him sit in his study and the boys can let him sit on the porch \u2013 only when it\u2019s warm enough \u2013 no early mornings and no evenings, and keep him covered up.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHow do we get him to eat more?\u201d asked Joe.<\/p>\n
\u201cIf we let him out of bed it might improve his appetite. Bring Hop Sing over here. He likes Hop Sing\u2019s cooking. And he\u2019s gotta eat more beefsteaks. No bread, no more soups.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cMaybe Hop Sing could give Guo Ping some cookin\u2019 lessons,\u201d Hoss said hopefully.<\/p>\n
Joe laughed softly. \u201cMaybe Adam could hire a real cook and let Guo Ping do what he really wants.\u201d<\/p>\n
Ben looked puzzled. \u201cAnd what\u2019s that?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cTo be a gunslinger, or at least a cowboy.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cA gunslinger!\u201d<\/p>\n
Joe nodded. \u201cI found him practicing. Does it everyday, he says. And Eddie\u2019s been teaching him to ride and rope.\u201d \u201cThat so\u2026\u201d Ben started.<\/p>\n
Paul snapped his bag closed and crossed to the door. \u201cJust get some food into that boy, Ben. I told him he needs it to get better\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHere, you\u2019re holding it wrong.\u201d<\/p>\n
Guo Ping jumped, startled that his employer had come up behind him unawares.<\/p>\n
\u201cMr. Cartwright. You supposed to stay on the porch.\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam raised an eyebrow and held out his hand. \u201cGive me the gun \u2013 Stop<\/em><\/strong> \u2013 uncock the hammer. Boy, you really don\u2019t know how to handle a gun, do you? Why didn\u2019t you ask Joe \u2013 he would\u2019ve been happy to teach you.\u201d<\/p>\nGuo Ping dropped his eyes, afraid to admit his jealousy of the younger Cartwright, and Adam smiled in apparent comprehension. \u201cYou\u2019ll never learn anything in life if you\u2019re afraid of lookin\u2019 like a fool. Now look here\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
Guo Ping watched the large hand as it cradled the gun easily, uncertain as to how his own small hand could be so sure with the outsized weapon. Mr. Cartwright seemed to sense this and said: \u201cWe\u2019ll have to get you your own gun, but the principle is the same. Relax. Feel the weight of the gun, but make it an extension of hand and arm\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
Guo Ping took a deep breath and tried to focus on the gun and the instruction, marveling at the easy way the bigger man moved, even ill, and wondering if he\u2019d ever be able to match such skill.<\/p>\n
Hoss stretched and scratched at his chest. \u201cCan\u2019t say as I like chasin\u2019 Hop Sing over here just for a good meal, but it sure is worth it.\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam grinned behind his cup. \u201cAnd here I thought it was my charming personality that brought you.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cCharming! You couldn\u2019t charm a sack of flour out of Jacob Kraus with a twenty dollar gold piece right now. A more ornery\u2014\u201d Hoss stopped and his expression softened into kindly commiseration. \u201cAw, I know you don\u2019t like bein\u2019 hemmed in when there\u2019s work ta be done. You read those books Miss Abigail sent over?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u2018Yeah. Read, played the guitar, braided reins, sat on the porch till\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWorked with Guo Ping on his shootin\u2019\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam\u2019s lips compressed in irritation. \u201cYes. If I sit any more, I really will go barmy. Besides, he needs to know how to handle a gun. He\u2019s downright dangerous armed.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAnd not armed, yer thinkin\u2019. You still gonna to send that drive over to Utah? You know those fellers are just lookin\u2019 for their own breeding stock, don\u2019tcha? They\u2019ll never buy another thing from ya?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYeah, I know. But I\u2019d rather have them buy from me than someone else. They\u2019re just as like to buy from Texas and bring up the fever.\u201d He shook his head. \u201cNever knew a bunch for driving such a bargain \u2013 don\u2019t think they\u2019d even realize what they\u2019d done till it was too late.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYep \u2013 but yer fine philanthropy is gonna empty the ranch of all a\u2019 your hands.\u201d Hoss looked at his brother suspiciously.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou ain\u2019t tryin\u2019 ta draw out Beckett, are you?\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam didn\u2019t answer, but instead reached out to pour himself another cup of coffee. His hand was steadier, and he was able to lift up to a certain weight, but he still was weaker almost than he ever remembered being. \u201cCan\u2019t think as how I\u2019d need to.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cCan\u2019t think\u2026\u201d Hoss repeated, frowning. \u201cYou get to talkin\u2019 like that and I know yer up to somethin\u2019.\u201d He slapped his hand on the table, making Adam jump. \u201cWe all can\u2019t be over here all the time! How do you figure you\u2019re gonna get them to come in when you want? And remember what happened the last time ya did somethin\u2019 like this? You got yerself shot.<\/p>\n
Emily will string us all up by our heels if it happens again, so don\u2019t you get any bright ideas.\u201d \u201cI want you to take Guo Ping into town and buy him a good gun, Hoss,\u201d Adam said quietly.<\/p>\n
\u201cAdam! You ain\u2019t listening right! That boy don\u2019t have any more sense than a two day old calf.\u201d He gave his brother a considering look. \u201cWho else is stayin?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cSlim.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAn\u2019 usin\u2019 Eddie instead of Newsome. When\u2019s the last time he bossed a drive? Three years ago? \u2026You got any other young\u2019uns yer thinkin\u2019 of using?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI know what I\u2019m doing, Hoss.\u201d<\/p>\n
Hoss shook his head. Adam had set things to have a clear zone of fire around the Buckeye, unlike what their father had done with the Ponderosa, but Hoss didn\u2019t think even he could defend it with only four men. \u201cYou are barmy. At least we could take turns over here\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam smiled. \u201cOne man can stay. You all just keep an ear out for something big. You\u2019ll know it when you hear it. I don\u2019t think they\u2019ll make their move for a bit \u2013 they don\u2019t know why I\u2019m laid up \u2013 yet. But they will. Then they\u2019ll move.\u201d He finished his coffee and put his cup down. \u201cJust come when I ask, hmm?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAdam, if you wasn\u2019t already knocked silly, I\u2019d\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDid you get what I needed?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYep. You want me to lay it for you?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo. I\u2019ll do it after you leave.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou ain\u2019t exactly got a steady hand yet.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI know.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou blow yerself ta kingdom come and the missus is gonna blame me.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThank you, Eddie.\u201d Adam shifted in his chair, swiveling around to look up at the foreman. \u201cHere\u2019s the bill of sale for the drive. This is the price we agreed on — don\u2019t let \u2018em tell you anything other. I don\u2019t care if they say you drove too much meat off of \u2018em. If they won\u2019t take \u2018em, you drive them back.\u201d<\/p>\n
Eddie\u2019s eyes narrowed at the unusual directive, but Adam stared at him evenly, as if daring him to question it.<\/p>\n
\u201cI think some a\u2019 your brains–\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI know what you think, Eddie. Just do as I say.\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam closed his eyes and leaned back in his chair as he remembered his last conversation with Eddie Drake. He was gone, with most of the rest of the hands, taking his worries with him. The battle was inevitable now and Adam\u2019s careful preparations would have to be enough. He rubbed a hand over his eyes and tried to shake off the weariness that seemed to be his constant companion. Lurching out of his chair, he steadied himself against the edge of the desk before setting off for the gun rack. One last step before he was ready. \u201cGuo Ping! Come in here, please.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou make entrance hall small to trap enemies and then you not want to use it,\u201d Guo Ping grumbled. \u201cMore room in house.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cMore to break — when I designed that I wasn\u2019t living in it.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou try to please your wife too much. Why American men do that?\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam looked up from wrapping a rifle in oiled cloth and shrugged. \u201cDunno.\u201d He thought for a moment, seeing that Guo Ping was curious, as ever, about what made this vast territory work. \u201cGuess it comes from the Good Book.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cGood Book?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYep.\u201d Adam looked at Guo Ping\u2019s height and reconsidered the hiding place for the gun. \u201cYou know — \u2018do unto others\u2019\u2026 um\u2026\u201d He trailed off, briefly considering how other cultures treated women. The \u2018Good Book\u2019. He was starting to sound like his father. How was he going to explain this one? \u201c\u2026 I don\u2019t know. Our God sent his son, and he talked to women like they were equals. Pretty revolutionary, considering the times he lived in.\u201d He picked up a bucket and put it in front of the rifle, adding a crate of bent nails for good measure. He shrugged his shoulders at the confused expression on the younger man\u2019s face. \u201cAnd we added to it — we have a lot of fancy words for it — we put it in a contract — our constitution. Our rights come from our God, not from any king. We just fought a war to give those rights to the Negro, and our women mostly get those rights, though I expect they\u2019ll want more. Probably has to do as much with our way of life, too — \u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYour women — they give you so much\u2026trouble.\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam grinned. \u201cYeah, \u2018spose so.\u201d He grunted as he shifted a cart of hay into a more defensible position. \u201cBut ya can\u2019t just write off half your resources, can you? I mean, I\u2019ve seen women pick up a gun, think, plan, \u2018bout as good as a man –\u201d \u201cWomen too emotional, too much talk, too much afraid. Need to know their proper place.\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam shook his head. \u201cNot always. I think you\u2019ll find western women to be very brave. Not all, but not all men are brave, either.\u201d He looked around the low-ceilinged, dairy portion of the barn. \u201cNow, where does Fanny keep the–\u201d he started, half to himself.<\/p>\n
\u201cFanny keeps tools all in confusion — not orderly. Like a women\u2019s mind.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAh, but it makes sense to her, Guo Ping, which is the important thing\u2026\u201d He lifted a tarp and found the box of lye. \u201cAnd you\u2019ve got a lot of learnin\u2019 to do about women\u2019s minds and<\/em> I\u2019m gonna insist on a more respectful tone when you address that young lady. Americans don\u2019t really like thinking of their employees as servants — they\u2019re other people\u2019s kids doing a job. We all have a job do, no matter how lowly you might think it is. You might consider that next week, when you and I have a little \u2018ol chore to do.\u201d<\/p>\n\u201cChore?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cUh, hum.\u201d Adam poured the lye into a shallow box. \u201cWork for the general upkeep of a place — we all use it, an\u2019 we all gotta take care of it.\u201d He wedged the box over the back entrance to the dairy barn. \u201cNow remember — don\u2019t use this door.<\/p>\n
I want them<\/strong> to use it.\u201d<\/p>\n\u201cWhat chore?\u201d the young man repeated.<\/p>\n
\u201cTime to move the outhouse.\u201d<\/p>\n
Guo Ping gaped at him and then trotted to keep up with Adam\u2019s long stride as they made their way back to the main part of the barn. \u201cBut — you have other men to do that work — more suitable–\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam latched the big barn doors behind them. \u201cAnd who would that be, Guo Ping? Who\u2019s the newest hand — not even a hand yet?\u201d<\/p>\n
Guo Ping kicked at the dirt. \u201cI am,\u201d he admitted.<\/p>\n
\u201cUh, huh. We all have to start somewhere and it\u2019s usually at the bottom.\u201d Adam turned, chuckling under his breath. And you\u2019re certainly going to start there, young man — I\u2019m gonna shake you free of that too-good-for attitude if it\u2019s the last thing I do\u2026 <\/em><\/p>\n\u201c…and then he says \u2018but that critter weren\u2019t there before!\u2019<\/p>\n
…Boss?\u201d<\/p>\n
The only answer was the brief deepening glow at the end of a cigar.<\/p>\n
\u201cBoss — you hear? He said–\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI heard.\u201d The faint glow lowered to below waist level, and the fence creaked as Adam shifted his weight to one foot.<\/p>\n
Newsome nervously fiddled with his gun belt. \u201cYou figure they\u2019re comin\u2019 tonight?\u201d<\/p>\n
The cigar glowed red again, and a soft curse echoed between the two men and Adam coughed. \u201cMe\u2019be. Moon\u2019ll be up in another hour and a half. Then you can get some sleep.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhen are you gonna sleep, boss?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhen this is over.\u201d<\/p>\n
Newsome shook his head in the dark. \u201cThem cegars ain\u2019t worth a whole \u2018nother man.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThey serve their purpose. …Joe\u2019s gonna spell me at two.\u201d Adam brought a hand down on Newsome\u2019s shoulder. \u201cWhen you finish your circuit just give me a flash from the bunkhouse lantern. Don\u2019t come back here.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou trying to get them to come in now?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m trying to get them to turn tail and never try it in the first place. They know I\u2019m watching, know I\u2019m waiting. Maybe they\u2019ll think better of trying to take me on.\u201d<\/p>\n
Newsome shook his head in the dark. \u201cNot that bunch. Ain\u2019t nothin\u2019 gonna make them feel righter than you laid out, permanent.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWell, we\u2019ll accommodate them, if it\u2019s a fight they want.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAccommodate, is that what they call it now?\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam chuckled. \u201cI\u2019ll see you in the morning, Newsome.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYessir.\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam took another pull on his cigar and grimaced at the taste. Nothing more likely to ruin his palate than a cheap cigar\u2026 \u201cYou think he knows we\u2019re out here?\u201d<\/p>\n
Beckett dipped his chin impatiently and glared at his scrawny cohort.<\/p>\n
\u201cYep.\u201d He slipped the strap off of his gun compulsively. \u201cAnd he wants me to know he knows.\u201d Reig stared at him blankly.<\/p>\n
\u201cHe\u2019s telling me he\u2019s ready for us, you fool.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThen why–\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAw, shut up, Josiah. Let\u2019s go. Mr. Adam Cartwright can stay up all night, if he has a mind to — I\u2019m goin\u2019 back to the hotel.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHe came in at about two. Why\u2019d you want to know, Adam?\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam bit back a yawn as he looked down at the officious looking little hotel clerk. \u201cJust getting the measure of a man, Morton.\u201d He slipped a coin across the counter. \u201cWhen he comes down, send a boy over to the Silver Dollar.\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam buttoned his jacket higher than usual across his chest and shoved his hands in his pockets as he left the International House. The way he felt, he\u2019d be better off taking his ease at the doc\u2019s house, but he needed to get some business squared away\u2026<\/p>\n
Adam threw his cards down on the table, stretched, and brought one hand down to remove the cigar stub from his mouth.<\/p>\n
\u201cThat, gentlemen, is the game.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou won all the money.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYep. Gotta work on that poker face, Guo Ping.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI have good poker face; had bad cards.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThat\u2019s what they all say, young man. You just gotta know when to fold–\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWell, look\u2019ee here, boys. I thought I smelled me a Cartwright. Adam — that cheap\u2026cegar is enough to stink up half the territory.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou would know more about that than I would, Beckett.\u201d<\/p>\n
Beckett\u2019s lips tightened in quickly suppressed rage. He held up two fingers at the bartender and then pointed at a single malt bottle of scotch Sam had at one end of the bar. \u201cA drink for my friend, bartender. Maybe you\u2019re a little confused about the quality of your vices, hmm?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cCertainly not about the quality of the company.\u201d<\/p>\n
Beckett laughed at this, putting aside his irritation at the ready jibes. He waved Guo Ping away, doing a slight double-take as he realized the slender young man in cowboy\u2019s garb was an oriental. He pushed the observation to the back of his mind and turned his attention to the figure still lounging behind the table. Adam Cartwright still did not look quite right, but there was something in the easy drape of his body that made Beckett think of a snake on a sun-warmed rock.<\/p>\n
Apparently his friends thought so, too, as they melted away from the table with quickly muttered goodbyes.<\/p>\n
Beckett settled heavily in the chair opposite and barely noticed the arrival of the whiskeys. \u201cNow, Adam — this should all be water under the bridge. You know Roy couldn\u2019t hold me on the word of a confused man.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou mean you bought a judge.\u201d<\/p>\n
Beckett clicked his tongue. \u201cJust full of accusations, aren\u2019t you, Adam? I\u2019m a legitimate businessman.\u201d He eyed the untouched shot glass. \u201cWhat\u2019s the matter — can\u2019t hold your liquor? Oh, that\u2019s right — I suppose something that strong just might make you fold in two–\u201d<\/p>\n
The words were cut off as one strong hand closed over his throat, dragging him to his feet.<\/p>\n
\u201cI wouldn\u2019t count on it, Beckett.\u201d The low growl was soft enough that others couldn\u2019t hear, but the intent was obvious. He felt his teeth rattle as the hand gave him a good shake. \u201cThe law might say I\u2019m confused, but we both know I\u2019m not. If you come gunning for me I\u2019m gonna kill you, and that little weasel you\u2019re lettin\u2019 leech off of you. I suggest you turn tail and go back to whatever hole you crawled out of. If it\u2019s one thing a Cartwright don\u2019t like, it\u2019s someone takin\u2019 what\u2019s theirs, an\u2019 you come to the table too late — I got the whole pot, and no one is dealing another hand.\u201d<\/p>\n
Beckett found himself unexpectedly loosed and shoved back into his chair. He gasped great lungfuls of air as he watched the younger man gather his winnings and retrieve his hat. The whiskey went with a quick tip of the glass. A nod and a \u201cGentlemen\u201d and the man in black was gone.<\/p>\n
Beckett gingerly felt at his throat and stretched his neck as Reig materialized at his side.<\/p>\n
\u201cIt isn\u2019t worth–\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cShut up, Josiah.\u201d<\/p>\n
A deep, rumbling boom reverberated across the ravine, bringing Ben\u2019s head around with a jerk. \u201cWhat<\/strong> was that?\u201d Hoss\u2019s lips compressed into a thin line, and he gave his father a sober look. \u201cAdam.\u201d<\/p>\nBen doused the fire with a quick kick and ran to tighten the cinches on Buck\u2019s saddle. \u201cCould he tell me, for once, what he was up to?\u201d<\/p>\n
Hoss followed with the light grace which always seemed so unnatural in such a big man. \u201cReckon he just did.\u201d<\/p>\n
Ben tried to keep the anger out of his voice but wasn\u2019t successful. \u201cWhat are we supposed to do — bring in the cavalry?\u201d \u201cI think we\u2019re it, Pa. C\u2019mon — he wanted us to come in from the west.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat other way is there from here,\u201d Ben muttered, regarding his son suspiciously.<\/p>\n
\u201cThere you are. What are you doing sitting out here in the dark?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI don\u2019t know.\u201d One corner of his mouth turned up. \u201cGuess I thought you\u2019d come out here to find me.\u201d \u201cUh, hum.\u201d She let him pull her into his lap. \u201cI think this is how we got in trouble last time.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIs that what they call it now?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAdam–\u201d<\/p>\n
He reluctantly lifted his head when he heard a plaintive \u2018Mama?\u2019 from over his shoulder somewhere.<\/p>\n
\u201cOut here, Sammy. Adam, let me go.\u201d<\/p>\n
The bottom half of the door banged shut and two towheads reflected the soft light of the kitchen lamp. \u201cGil an\u2019 me had a bad dream.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cOh — Gil and you, hmm?\u201d<\/p>\n
Sammy crawled into his lap and Adam readjusted his plans for the evening.<\/p>\n
\u201cYeah. We dreamed you was shot. Gut shot. Like this.\u201d Sammy pointed to Adam\u2019s Sunday-best white shirt. A dark stain spread from where his little finger touched the starched fabric.<\/p>\n
Gut shot? Strange, it doesn\u2019t hurt.<\/em> Emily spiraled away as his vision blurred and turned to black.<\/p>\n\u201cPa, Pa. No, Pa.\u201d Two little hands tugged at each of his.<\/p>\n
\u201cIt\u2019s okay — you boys will be all right. Your ma–\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019ll take them, Boss. Boss?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBoss? They\u2019re coming.\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam lurched forward in his chair. He hadn\u2019t even heard the signal — he\u2019d fallen asleep again! He took a deep breath and rubbed his eyes, trying to shake the emotions left by the dream.<\/p>\n
He was more than grateful he\u2019d thought to keep one of his best shots back from the trail. He rose quickly and stretched the tight muscles in his back. \u201cThanks, Ellis. Out to the barn with you — and keep your head down. I don\u2019t want to be writing a letter to your mama tomorrow.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYessir, but I don\u2019t much like being bait.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cTake one out, boy — we\u2019ll take care of the rest. Now, go.\u201d<\/p>\n
An irreverent grin was all the reply he got before the young man scrambled away, keeping low to the ground and out of sight of the men who would soon be coming up on the rise behind the barn.<\/p>\n
\u201cIt took you long enough to get back here.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBeckett left a guard.\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam frowned at this development.<\/p>\n
Guo Ping grinned. \u201cHe is in smoke house.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHe\u2019s in the…\u201d Adam shook his head slightly. \u201cI told you not to try to take on any of them!\u201d<\/p>\n
Guo Ping shrugged. \u201cOne more, now one less.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI wasn\u2019t countin\u2019 on him hiring extra men.\u201d Extra pieces on the board.<\/em> Adam mentally reviewed his preparations. \u201cI want you to let Kip out at the back of the house instead of the side. It\u2019ll give me a little more time–\u201d<\/p>\n\u201cTime to get shot in the back. You crazy man.\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam arched one eyebrow as he checked his weapon one last time. \u201cNot crazy, Guo Ping, just determined to win.\u201d He put a hand on Guo Ping\u2019s shoulder. \u201cYou know what to do?\u201d Unsatisfied with Guo Ping\u2019s nod, he went on. \u201cNo improvising, you hear?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYeah, yeah.\u201d Guo Ping twisted away and slid out from under Adam\u2019s hand and muttered softly under his breath. \u201cCrazy man. Gonna get shot. Missus Cartwright gonna shoot me…\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam walked across the gravel yard with a studied casualness. He had about ten minutes, he thought, before the men came over the crest of the hill, but they might have sent someone on ahead. He was gambling that Beckett\u2019s pride would push him to do the deed himself, though, just so Adam would know who was the better man.<\/p>\n
The shot, when it came, echoed across the yard. Adam pulled out a cigar, cut the tip, and blew through it. He struck a match on one of the seat of his pants and narrowed his eyes against the glare of the flame. The yard was eerily quiet except for the soft brush of his movements. He pulled on the cigar and took it out of his mouth to look at the tip. With one continuous, smooth movement he crouched down and touched the lit end of the cigar to the ground and stood up again.<\/p>\n
\u201cCartwright?\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n\u201cYep.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAll right, you got one of mine. In a minute I\u2019ll have one of yours. How about we end this now?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNope. \u2018less you want ta turn yourself in.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThat\u2019s not going to happen, Adam. I haven\u2019t done anything wrong. Just trying to make a business deal. Why don\u2019t you come out of the shadows and talk to me straight?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cCan talk fine like this.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou only got three men–\u201d<\/p>\n
A muffled yell came from the back of the barn.<\/p>\n
\u201cAn\u2019 you have one less, now, Beckett. I\u2019d suggest you go back to Chicago. There\u2019s nothing here for you.\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam risked a look around the corner of the barn and got a cheek full of splinters for his trouble. The shot had come from behind the bunkhouse and told him what he needed to know. He threw a rock across the yard and melted into the barn as the man next to the bunkhouse responded to the noise with a blast of gunfire.<\/p>\n
\u201cPut the gun down — slow — that stuff\u2019ll burn you if you go through it.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI shoulda hit you harder.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou hit me hard enough — twice, as I remember it. You\u2019re lucky I didn\u2019t pull that whole box down on your head. Now put your hands up and edge on out of there.\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam took a length of rope off of a shelf to his left. \u201cTurn around.\u201d He pulled the ropes tight, giving them an extra jerk to check for strength. \u201cSet down there next to that post.\u201d<\/p>\n
Hate-filled eyes glittered in the darkness and the shorter man ignored the request.<\/p>\n
\u201cMister, you almost killed me. I\u2019m going to give you a chance at a fair trial — no thanks to you it won\u2019t be for murder. Now you set down there or I\u2019ll return the favor and tie you up anyway.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNever saw a body for bein\u2019 so stubborn.\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam pulled his gun and swiveled and dropped to one knee.<\/p>\n
\u201cKinda jumpy, ain\u2019t ya?\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam sighed and rose to both feet, dropping his gun back in its holster. \u201cNewsome, that\u2019s a good way to get shot. What are you doing in here — you\u2019re supposed to be in the milk house.\u201d<\/p>\n
Newsome wagged his thumb over his shoulder. \u201cThe two that\u2019s left — they\u2019re havin\u2019 a conference, like, trying to figure out what happened to the little one. Ellis got the big \u2018un right off. Never seen a man so set on dyin\u2019 as that Beckett — he\u2019s gonna try again in a bit.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou get lonely or something, Newsome? Get back in the milk house.\u201d<\/p>\n
Newsome leaned back on his heels and considered the order. \u201cYou got Ellis on the roof — all safe like, Guo Ping in the house, where they know you\u2019re not, thanks to them stinkin\u2019 cigars, and me in the milk house — thickest built on the place. You in the barn — flimsy walls n\u2019all — settin\u2019 up ta get Beckett to come on in here and face you alone, time you get rid of the rest.\u201d He kicked at the dirt floor that was at this end of the barn. \u201cYour pa and Hoss gonna come up and take care of Reig there in the bushes.\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam walked back towards the shelf where he\u2019d hidden a rifle. \u201cNewsome — I know what I\u2019m doing, and it doesn\u2019t include getting killed.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou had two extra men out there you weren\u2019t a countin\u2019 on — I can watch your back better from here.\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam unrolled the gun and thumbed down the trigger guard to drop a cartridge in. \u201cI need you in the milk house — Kip\u2019ll run for it if he thinks he\u2019s going to get the usual.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cKip\u2019ll hide under the porch and yap at yer pa and Hoss. You got him so rattled with yer dynamitin\u2019 that it ain\u2019t gonna work.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHe wouldn\u2019t have heard that–\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHalf the county heard it–\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cCartwright!<\/strong>\u201d<\/p>\n\u201cGo!\u201d Adam whispered, and he pushed Newsome out of the side door of the barn.<\/p>\n
He hefted the big Sharps to his shoulder and strode out to meet Beckett.<\/p>\n
Adam stepped out of the shadowed entrance to the barn. Beckett stood straight in the center of the yard, one hand hovering near his gun, the other slack at his side.<\/p>\n
\u201cDoing your own dirty work now, Beckett?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIf I have to.\u201d Anger settled on Beckett\u2019s heavy features and he punched one finger at the space between the men. \u201cYou\u2019re killin\u2019 yourself. We could have come to an agreement, Cartwright — if you\u2019d let this deal alone you could\u2019ve had something down the line.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAnd leave the Carson Valley to your tender mercies? I don\u2019t–\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWho made you God, Cartwright? You and your father! All of his talk about preserving for the future. Look around you!<\/p>\n
Who\u2019s gonna plant when they can take? The miners, the cattlemen — they\u2019ll use the land and then move on. I saw a chance and I took it. Porter Meredith can get all tangled up with your father — I got better fish to fry.\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam\u2019s lips tightened and Beckett laughed. \u201cThat rankled, didn\u2019t it? Your own Pa. We\u2019re all in this to make money, boy — even the mighty Ben Cartwright.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cShut up, Beckett.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cGoing behind your back, tryin\u2019 to shut you out. That\u2019s Ben Cartwright — he\u2019d undercut his own son to make a deal with the devil himself.\u201d<\/p>\n
Adam jerked the rifle up slightly and he shifted his weight to the balls of his feet. The movements where subtle, but Beckett knew he had scored his points. He wasn\u2019t so sure of himself over the next few seconds, though, as a calm seemed to come over the younger man. Adam\u2019s eyes narrowed and eventually the rifle dropped.<\/p>\n
\u201cNo, it\u2019s not, and I should have known that.\u201d Adam let the rifle rest against his leg, barrel down, and ran his left hand beneath his hat brim. \u201cI thought this kept me from remembering…but I was blinded — stubborn and determined to do something on my own. My father would never use his power and influence to do anything to hurt this land, or his family.\u201d He flexed his right hand and splayed his left to show that he wasn\u2019t going for his gun, and reached around to put the rifle over his left shoulder. He made sure the tie-down was off of his Colt. The .36-caliber ball might not knock Beckett off his feet, but Adam was more worried about the man at his back.<\/p>\n
Beckett tried again, this time less sure of himself. \u201cYou\u2019re blinded all right. What can I say to get through to you, boy? How you can still be loyal to a man who only does for himself–\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo,\u201d Adam whispered. A thousand memories flooded his mind. His father reaching for him, bringing him down from the hard seat of their wagon on the long trail west. Love, and life with Inger. His father\u2019s face buried in his neck as he hung on to what was left of his family, crying. Long years of toil, alone with his two boys. Even Adam\u2019s sullen refusal of Marie couldn\u2019t dim his father\u2019s love. And the ultimate sacrifice of letting Adam pursue the one thing he wanted in life, no matter what it cost. That man would only stand with his son, and never against any of his family.<\/p>\n
Adam shook his head. \u201cIt won\u2019t work. I know my father. He\u2019s gonna come riding around that corner lookin\u2019 to see who\u2019s doing what to his son. I\u2019d suggest you leave, and leave Nevada, and think more \u2018an twice before you try to take on a Cartwright again.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHe\u2019s right, Beckett. \u2018Cept I\u2019m off the horse.\u201d<\/p>\n
Tears started to Adam\u2019s eyes at the sound of that much-loved voice, and he relaxed his stance. This was one battle that was over.<\/p>\n
\u201cI got your man, and Reig. Hoss?\u201d<\/p>\n
The squeaked protest brought a contemptuous curl to Adam\u2019s lips. That had to be Reig.<\/p>\n
Kip ran around the side of the house and ran up the porch steps to paw at the front door. His sharp yips made Adam laugh and he sank to the ground, suddenly dizzy and drained in the face of, to him, unwarranted victory.<\/p>\n
There was a commotion in front of him and a muffled shout from Newsome. A \u201cWhere do you think yer going?\u201d he assumed applied to Beckett, but somehow he didn\u2019t care anymore.<\/p>\n
\u201cAdam? Son?\u201d<\/p>\n
He opened his eyes against the glare of the sun. He\u2019d lost his hat? \u201cPa.\u201d Broad hands gripped his shoulders and the glare was replaced by his father\u2019s shadow.<\/p>\n
\u201cI got you, son. Let\u2019s get you into the house.\u201d He was hauled to his feet and teetered a bit before the strong grasp was shifted. \u201cI told you that you weren\u2019t ready to take him on–<\/p>\n
When had the yard gotten so wide? \u201cYeah, Pa, I know. \u2018We\u2019re stronger together\u2026\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n
Epilogue:<\/p>\n
Adam slid Emily\u2019s letter into his breast pocket and shrugged into his coat, somewhat comforted by the presence of the missive, though it was a poor substitute for his family. He was alone, having convinced his father that he was recovered enough to let the Cartwright men make their long-planned trip to St. Louis. He sighed as he opened the door to find that one of the hands had brought out Sport and tied him to the rail. He really was well enough to saddle his own horse, but the hands persisted in treating him with kid gloves.<\/p>\n
There would be no Emily standing at the door, no Peter and Matthew and Samuel to run next to him until they reached the end of the fence that enclosed the now deceased Thor\u2019s pasture. He wasn\u2019t even at home, but at the Ponderosa, holding things down while his father negotiated contracts that would keep the Ponderosa in business for decades. He didn\u2019t know how it would all end, this seemingly eternal push to expand, to try to see beyond lumber, cattle, and silver and gold, but he knew it was necessary for the ranch to survive.<\/p>\n
He tightened Sport\u2019s cinches and swung himself into the saddle. It wouldn\u2019t be recognizable as a ranch, he thought, in a generation. The Cartwrights would not be immune to the same buffets of fate that would afflict all of the Washoe and this trip was part of his father\u2019s efforts to diversify against the inevitable crash in the cattle market, something they\u2019d had long discussions about over the last winter.<\/p>\n
He clicked his tongue at the horse. \u201cCome on, boy, I\u2019ve got some arguments to make, much as I\u2019d rather be here today.\u201d Defusing a potentially violent disagreement had not been how he had thought he\u2019d be spending these weeks alone, but the trouble between the small ranchers and the large operations was too dangerous for the Ponderosa to not get involved with. He still didn\u2019t trust Alf Simmons, and wondered what he was really after. He shook his head. Old problem, new players, but still the same game. Trying to figure who the enemy was and keeping one step ahead of him. He was tired of fighting. He pulled up at the bend in the road and looked back at house in the meadow. No longer a meadow, he mused. Trees had grown up around the dwelling in what had been carefully cleared so long ago, anchoring it as surely to the land as the great pines that his family so carefully stewarded. He took a deep breath and straightened in the saddle, well aware that he wasn\u2019t quite back to his former strength, but suddenly ready to fight again. This was worth fighting for, his family and the land — the past and the future twined together, making a legacy that would be Cartwright.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
~fin~<\/p>\n
Notes:<\/p>\n
Re: The house in the meadow — I think that phrase is from a BeckyS story, or maybe LissaB’s. Or maybe Becky’s background and it was part of the original setting that TPTB created for the series. If someone knows the source, would they please e-mail me? I would like to attribute it properly.<\/p>\n
I compressed time a little for a sub-plot that I never really developed (this was long enough!) and used Alf Simmons from The Flannel Mouthed Gun. He appeared in the VC environs a couple of years before I have him in this story, and would have been more familiar with the Cartwrights than I have him. Thanks to Leo Gordon and Paul Leslie Wilkes for their terrific script, and to the great group of guys who brought the episode to life. I would replace Alf with my own character, but this is the Adam I had in mind while I was writing, and bits and pieces of the final version of the story hinge on FMG coming next. The Lawmaker was written by John A. Johns and Dick Nelson. The Crucible by John T. Dugan. Adam\u2019s scars and some of the rest of his angst come from Jeanie Cartwright\u2019s excellent The Scars Will Fade. My thanks to her for letting me use them!<\/p>\n
When Adam finally got it together (in my mind without<\/strong> his father\u2019s \u2018help\u2019 — Ben can bend, too!), he and his fellow investors became very wealthy from their investment:<\/p>\nFrom the California State Railway Museum site:<\/p>\n
The Virginia & Truckee Railroad Company was organized in Nevada on March 5, 1868 to connect the Comstock oreproducing mines with quartz-reduction mills located along the Carson River, approximately three miles east of Carson City.<\/p>\n
The twenty-one mile standard-gauge line between Carson City and Virginia City was completed on January 29, 1870. A thirty-one mile extension south from Reno through Franktown, Washoe City, and Steamboat Springs connected the Comstock with the Central Pacific Railroad in August 1872.<\/p>\n
The wood-burning Genoa was outshopped in January of 1873 by the Baldwin Locomotive Works of Philadelphia. For nearly thirty years No. 12 hauled passenger, mixed and occasionally freight trains for the Virginia & Truckee Railroad between Carson City, Virginia City and Reno, Nevada.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Summary: Adam begins a new life with a ready-made family, but trouble is on the horizon. (Sequel to Shifting Sands.)