Summary: \u00a0When Joe is seriously injured, the remedy serves to be much more harsh than anyone expected.<\/p>\n
Rated: T \u00a0WC 22,000<\/p>\n
Whatever It Takes Series:<\/strong><\/p>\n Whatever it Takes<\/a> \u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n Whatever it Takes <\/strong><\/p>\n \u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n My heart aches, and a drowsy numbness pains,<\/em><\/p>\n My sense, as though of hemlock I had drunk,<\/em><\/p>\n Or emptied some dull opiate to the drains . . . <\/em><\/p>\n John Keats\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n \u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n Joe Cartwright stretched<\/strong> his arms broadly and stifled a yawn as he slowly walked from his bed over to the cushioned window seat in his room.\u00a0 He pushed the dark curtains aside and peered out the window and down to the street.\u00a0 For mid-afternoon there was a lot of traffic on the street and sidewalks below.\u00a0 Joe\u2019s view was only partly obstructed by the huge granite pillars, which loomed like sequoias on either side of the massive building. He sighed to himself as he wondered where everyone was going on this early spring day.<\/p>\n So many times Joe had done this very thing, watching as strangers passed by.\u00a0 He was constantly caught up in his imagination wondering what their lives were like. Did they have families? Were they heading off to go to work or to meet a loved one? Joe knew what his life was like and did not relish the thought of it.\u00a0 He wished he had somewhere to go, a meeting, a date, or anything other than his normal daily routine.<\/p>\n Joe lifted a large textbook off the windowsill and sighed again. \u201cGray\u2019s Anatomy\u201d he spoke to himself. Joe turned to the page where he had last left off reading.\u00a0 He figured he had been injured so many times in the past that he could at least learn something about the human body and how it worked. The pictures were very explicit and he skimmed past the ailments he didn\u2019t choose to know about.\u00a0 It would do for a while and then he would turn back again to his favorite book of poetry which he had now all but memorized.<\/p>\n Almost an hour later Joe was distracted from his reading by a knock on the door. A man entered the room and Joe looked over at a regular visitor, Doctor Harold Peele. The man was of average height with a stocky build. He wore a doctor\u2019s white lab coat and his spectacles hung from his right pocket.\u00a0 His hair was black with what appeared to be a good dusting of gray around his temples.\u00a0 Joe had noticed in the past several months how much the doctor resembled a younger version of his father.<\/p>\n Doctor Peele glanced over at the young man who sat across the room. He marveled at the change that had taken place during Joe\u2019s stay at the hospital.\u00a0 He was no longer the angry and frightened twenty year old that had been admitted early in winter.\u00a0 Joe now was clean-shaven with bright green eyes and a smile that would make you forget that he was ever a threat to his family or to anyone else.<\/p>\n \u201cStill into that book I see!\u201d the doctor smiled and met Joe over by the window.<\/p>\n \u201cWell, mainly just looking at the pictures.\u201d\u00a0 Joe laughed.<\/p>\n \u201cJoe, you have read just about all the books we have here\u2014from philosophy to anatomy.\u00a0 I think you would have made and excellent scholar!\u201d<\/p>\n Joe grinned sheepishly, \u201cNaw\u2014just something to pass the time. You know I\u2019ve read more here than in my whole life!\u2019<\/p>\n The doctor looked into Joe\u2019s eyes and with a tone that was suddenly serious said, \u201cYou know, Joseph, I consider you one of my biggest success stories.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cMe?\u201d\u00a0 Joe was surprised at that thought, he hardly felt like a success at anything.<\/p>\n \u201cYes, you.\u00a0 Joe to have overcome what you have and to come out of it as mentally and physically healthy as you are is quite an achievement.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe nodded and replied with a hint of the humor he was famous for, \u201cYeah\u2014I guess I really should be dead, huh?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou came close\u2014I\u2019ll tell you that much. And there were times here when most of the doctors and nurses were sure you\u2019d never make it.\u201d He paused again and smiled.<\/p>\n \u201cAnd that is why you are my crowning success!\u00a0 I take great pride in what all of us here have accomplished in your recovery.\u00a0 As a matter of fact, Joe, that is what I\u2019ve come to speak to you about.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe shifted nervously on the window seat, almost afraid to find out what the doctor had in mind.\u00a0 \u201cOh?\u201d he finally asked.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019ve spoken with all of your other doctors, as well as the administration, and we feel you should be ready to be released.\u00a0 Possibly as early as next week.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe\u2019s face paled and the doctor stared at him confused. He had hoped for a better response from his patient, not the fear and anxiety that now displayed itself across Joe\u2019s face.\u00a0 Joe still sat there quietly with no verbal reply.\u00a0 Evidently there was something that Doctor Peele was not fully aware of regarding Joe\u2019s desire to leave the hospital.<\/p>\n \u201cWell?\u00a0 I thought you\u2019d be happy!\u00a0 You will be going home!\u201d Dr. Peele remarked.<\/p>\n \u201cHome?\u201d\u00a0 Joe stood and in his one word statement made the word home sound like it was cutting through him like a knife.\u00a0 \u201cI can never go home again.\u201d\u00a0 Joe whispered sadly and walked across the room turning his back on the doctor.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Ben Cartwright greeted his son,<\/strong> Hoss, at the front door to the sprawling ranch house.\u00a0 \u201cWelcome back, son.\u201d\u00a0 Ben smiled and Hoss returned in kind.<\/p>\n \u201cHey, Pa, sorry it took a little longer than I thought it would with those supplies in town.\u201d\u00a0 Hoss shrugged out of his coat and left it along with his gun belt on the credenza and walked with his father toward the dining room table.\u00a0 They both sat down just as Hop Sing brought in the coffee pot.\u00a0 \u201cDinner not ready yet.\u00a0 Give ten minutes,\u201d\u00a0he said in his usual broken English and shuffled back into the kitchen.\u00a0 Ben poured coffee for his son and then himself and turning back, his eyes caught on the empty chair toward his right.<\/p>\n Hoss intuitively picked up on his father\u2019s gaze.\u00a0 \u201cI know you were hoping to have a letter from San Francisco, Pa.\u00a0 But, we didn\u2019t get anything today.\u00a0 Maybe tomorrow?\u201d\u00a0 Hoss tried to sound encouraging.<\/p>\n Ben reached out to the only son he had currently residing on the Ponderosa.\u00a0 He patted Hoss\u2019 arm affectionately.\u00a0 \u201cIt\u2019s okay, son.\u00a0 Dr. Peele did write last week.\u00a0 I know he is a busy man.\u00a0 He\u2019s done so much for Joseph, I know the boy is in good hands.\u201d\u00a0 Ben tried to sound better than he felt.<\/p>\n \u201cAny idea when Joe can come home?\u201d<\/p>\n Ben gazed at his middle son and smiled knowingly.\u00a0 Hoss really missed his little brother.\u00a0 And with Adam visiting friends in Boston, it made it all that more lonelier for Hoss.\u00a0 \u201cNot yet, Hoss.\u00a0 But, we\u2019ll just have to wait and not rush it.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNot rush it?\u00a0 Pa, it\u2019s been four months already!\u00a0 Joe\u2019s missed Christmas and now his birthday!\u00a0 And besides\u2014you said he was better!\u201d\u00a0 Hoss protested.<\/p>\n Ben shook his head.\u00a0 The impatience that Hoss was feeling coursed also through his own veins.\u00a0 He had to fight the urge each day to get on the stage and go bring back Joseph.<\/p>\n \u201cI know how you feel, Hoss, I want him back as much as you do.\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss frowned more at the situation than at what his father had said.\u00a0 Hoss wanted to see Joe, he needed to see Joe!\u00a0 Their last time together had been an awful experience and Hoss wanted to forget all of the terrible things he had said to his brother in anger.\u00a0 His baby brother.\u00a0 The one he had always been able to help.\u00a0 But Joe had been beyond Hoss\u2019 help, and the thought of that ate straight through to Hoss\u2019 heart.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Ben sunk down<\/strong> into the leather chair behind his desk in the study and reached for a pen.\u00a0 He started to ink a letter to his youngest son.\u00a0 He got only to the first words\u2014\u201dDear Joseph\u201d and he stopped.\u00a0 Ben crumpled the sheet of paper in his hands out of total frustration.\u00a0 \u201cI miss you so, Joseph.\u201d\u00a0 Ben thought out loud.\u00a0 \u201cGod, I miss you.\u201d\u00a0 Ben closed his eyes to stay the tears and suddenly it was once again back in the forefront of his mind.\u00a0 The story played out again as it had so many times during the long four months of Joe\u2019s absence.\u00a0 What had happened, and why Joe had been committed to that hospital so far away.<\/p>\n It was a chilly late afternoon in the early fall and Joe had enjoyed the day with his friend Mitch.\u00a0 They stood in the yard at Mitch\u2019s house laughing and talking about upcoming plans for the weekend.\u00a0 Mitch\u2019s little sister Mattie had tried her best to get the two young men to pay her some attention but they always just told her to go away.\u00a0 She decided that she would have to do something else, other than teasing them in order to get them to notice her.\u00a0 Mattie stole into the barn and climbed up the ladder, which led to the hay loft.\u00a0 She knew that she wasn\u2019t supposed to be up there, but she decided it was worth the punishment she\u2019d get from her mother when she found out.\u00a0 Mattie found a lantern and lit it with matches left on the windowsill by the hay loft window.\u00a0 This would be good!\u00a0 She brought the lantern over to the top door to the hay loft and waved the lantern back and forth calling, \u201cMitch\u2014Joe\u2014one if by land and two if by sea!\u00a0 I\u2019m up here\u2014you can\u2019t catch me!\u201d<\/p>\n Joe and Mitch turned and looked at her and decided it was best to ignore her so she\u2019d stop trying to irritate them.\u00a0 Mattie continued, and on one swing of the lantern it broke loose from her hand and crashed igniting the dry hay.\u00a0 The fire spread rapidly and Mattie screamed, \u201cHelp, Mitch!\u00a0 Help, Joe!\u201d<\/p>\n Both boys sprung into action seeing her frightened face with the flames shooting close behind her.\u00a0 They climbed together up the ladder to the loft.\u00a0 Joe made it to her first while Mitch was still midway up the ladder.\u00a0 Joe jumped passed the flames and grabbed Mattie up in his arms.\u00a0 He took two long strides and made it to Mitch and handed her down.\u00a0 Before he could turn to make his way down the ladder there was a loud crash and Joe tried to leap out of the way of a falling support beam.\u00a0 He cried out in horror as it fell across his back pinning him to the floor of the hay loft.\u00a0 Mitch all but threw Mattie out of the barn and then braved the inferno to save his friend.<\/p>\n By the time Mitch had pulled Joe out of the barn and into the front yard, he could see the severity of his friend\u2019s injuries.\u00a0 \u201cMattie!\u00a0 Quick get Pa\u2014have him get the doctor\u2014Joe\u2019s hurt bad!\u201d\u00a0 Mitch cried.<\/p>\n The little girl ran for her father screaming into the house.<\/p>\n It was a little more than an hour later that the Devlin family arrived at the Ponderosa ranch house.\u00a0 They had brought the unconscious Joe from their ranch in their buckboard.\u00a0 Mitch and his father had helped Ben and Hoss take Joe up to his room and let the Cartwrights know that the doctor had been summoned to come quickly.<\/p>\n Ben had been standing near Joe\u2019s bedside with tears welling up in his eyes.\u00a0 The sight of Joe\u2019s injury left him momentarily stunned.\u00a0 Joe had severe burns, which swept from the nape of his neck grotesquely all the way down to the small of his back.\u00a0 Ben was sure that his son was as close to death as he had ever been with any injury.<\/p>\n The doctor cleared his throat to get Ben\u2019s attention.\u00a0 \u201cBen, we have some serious issues to discuss now.\u201d\u00a0 Ben turned quickly and spoke, \u201cHe\u2019s going to make it\u2014he has to!\u201d<\/p>\n The doctor pointed for Ben to sit down.\u00a0 Both men took seats at either end of the bed.\u00a0 \u201cHe should be in a hospital.\u00a0 But, in his condition, he\u2019d never make the trip.\u201d the doctor spoke earnestly.<\/p>\n \u201cWe can take care of him here, Paul.\u00a0 Just tell us what to do and it\u2019ll be done.\u201d Ben sounded desperate so the doctor chose his words a little more carefully.<\/p>\n \u201cThose burns are the most severe I\u2019ve ever tended.\u00a0 I\u2019m going to send a telegraph to a specialist in Maryland.\u00a0 The doctor\u2019s name is James Reese, he\u2019s the best in the country.\u00a0 He\u2019ll be able to advise us as to what needs to be done for Joe.\u00a0 Right now though we will have to concern ourselves with the two most important things.\u201d\u00a0 Paul turned for a moment as he saw Joe stir in the bed then he continued.\u00a0 \u201cThat will be the pain firstly, and then seeing to it that we prevent infection.\u201d<\/p>\n There was a soft moan from Joe , lying on his stomach on the bed.\u00a0 In Joe\u2019s confused mind he was trying to swim up to the surface from the murky depth of Lake Tahoe.\u00a0 He struggled and struggled and finally he was above the water and coughed to force air into his lungs.\u00a0 Ben was quickly over to Joe\u2019s side.\u00a0 The coughing got stronger and Joe\u2019s eyes slowly began to open.\u00a0 Joe was confused by his surroundings and could barely make out his father\u2019s features as he began to appear before him.\u00a0 Ben knelt down closer so Joe could see him.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m right here, son. Can you see me?\u201d<\/p>\n A crash of pain fell upon Joe and he screamed with all the strength he had left in his body.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m on fire! My God\u2014I\u2019m on fire!\u201d<\/p>\n The doctor joined next to Ben also kneeling on the floor by the bed.\u00a0 \u201cYou mustn\u2019t move, son, you\u2019re very badly hurt.\u201d Ben whispered.\u00a0 Doctor Martin stood and reached in his medical bag and drew out a vial of morphine.\u00a0 He filled a syringe and slowly prepared an injection.<\/p>\n \u201cPa!\u201d\u00a0 Joe cried out.\u00a0 \u201cPa\u2014It hurts\u2014I\u2019m burning!\u201d\u00a0 Joe gasped.<\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019ll be okay, Joseph\u2014\u201d Ben paused his eyes looked pleadingly toward the doctor to hurry with the painkiller.\u00a0 \u201cDoc\u2019s got you something to help you, son.\u00a0 It\u2019ll make the pain go away.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo.\u201d\u00a0 Joe begged.\u00a0 \u201cJust let me die\u2014please\u2014I can\u2019t take this!\u00a0 Please!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHold his arm, Ben.\u201d\u00a0 The doctor commanded and in less than a minute\u2019s time had injected his patient.\u00a0 Joe almost immediately started to fade away back into the safety of the unconscious mind. With his last ounce of strength Joe grabbed his father\u2019s collar with his left hand attempting to pull him closer.\u00a0 Tears rolled out of the corners of Joe\u2019s eyes dropping down onto the pillow case.\u00a0 \u201cPa, just let me go.\u201d\u00a0 Joe whispered and soon was back under where nothing could hurt him.<\/p>\n Doc Martin put his hand on Ben\u2019s shoulder.\u00a0 \u201cBen, he\u2019s in agony.\u00a0 He doesn\u2019t know what he is saying.\u201d\u00a0 He tried to console his good friend.<\/p>\n \u201cHe\u2019s always been such a fighter\u2014to hear him tell me to let him die\u2014to let him go\u2014well, I just can\u2019t\u2026\u201d Ben\u2019s voice broke.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m afraid it\u2019s just the beginning of the pain Joe is going to have to endure.\u00a0 That brings me to the decision that you and I have to make.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben stood and walked with Paul back again to the two chairs and sat down hard.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat decision?\u201d<\/p>\n The doctor held up the vial of medicine. \u201cThis.\u00a0 It\u2019s the only thing that will keep Joe alive during the treatments he\u2019ll have to endure.\u00a0 This is morphine and injecting it will give pretty much an instant relief.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cSo?\u00a0 I don\u2019t understand.\u00a0 What decision were you talking about?\u00a0 Naturally if the medicine works we have to use it, right?\u201d<\/p>\n Paul took a deep breath and began, \u201cMorphine is a great pain killer, but it is also one of the most addictive drugs there is.\u00a0 If we use this to monitor Joe\u2019s pain, especially for the length of time it will take, Joe will become addicted.\u00a0 There is no doubt about it.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben shrugged his shoulders deeply and almost whispered trying to control his emotions,<\/p>\n \u201cWell, when he no longer needs it we\u2019ll get him off of it, right?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cBen, if it were only that simple!\u00a0 I have seen this kind of addiction.\u00a0 I\u2019ve seen men who came home from war so changed due to the power of morphine.\u00a0 I\u2019ve seen men die from the addiction!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNot Joseph!\u201d Ben insisted.\u00a0 \u201cWe will handle that later\u2014right now we\u2019ve got to keep him alive!\u00a0 If this is the only way, well, we have to do it!\u201d<\/p>\n The doctor nodded, \u201cI agree with you, Ben.\u00a0 I just wanted you to be aware of the long-term effect of this.\u00a0 It\u2019s gonna be a rough couple of months ahead.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben stood and looked down at his youngest son.\u00a0 Joe looked so helpless.\u00a0 His heart ached at the sight of Joe\u2019s wounds and deep in Ben\u2019s mind he wondered if Joe could even survive the night\u2014let alone months of treatments.\u00a0 \u201cWe\u2019ll get through this, Paul.\u00a0 We will.\u00a0 Joe has always been a fighter\u2014I guess this time we\u2019ll have to help him to fight.\u201d<\/p>\n Paul approached his friend.\u00a0 \u201cOkay, Ben.\u00a0 Well we have a lot to do now.\u00a0 He\u2019s stable at the moment so let\u2019s get some things done.\u00a0 I want to talk with Hoss , he\u2019s going to make a frame to go over Joe\u2019s bed.\u00a0 We\u2019ll make it high enough that it\u2019ll keep the covers off of his back, but low enough that we can get to his wounds to treat them.\u00a0 After that I\u2019ll go into town, send that telegraph, and get some more supplies.\u00a0 Ben nodded.<\/p>\n \u201cThanks, Paul.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOh.\u201d\u00a0 the doctor paused as he turned toward the door.\u00a0 \u201cBen, I\u2019ll show both you and Hoss how to give Joe the injections when I get back.\u00a0 Just in case I\u2019m not here when he needs a dose.\u201d<\/p>\n It was after that statement that Ben was struck with the hard truth that this was going to be a grueling time for the entire family.\u00a0 He drew a deep breath and gazed lovingly at Little Joe. We\u2019d go to Hell and back for you.<\/em> Ben thought to himself. \u201cBen?\u201d the doctor tried to get his attention.<\/p>\n Ben shook himself from his thoughts.\u00a0 \u201cWhatever it takes\u2014-we\u2019ll do it, Doc.\u201d<\/p>\n Doctor Martin nodded and walked out of the bedroom.<\/p>\n It had been a long day and an even longer night.\u00a0 The doctor had left for town and Hoss worked many hours in the barn constructing a frame to put over his brother\u2019s bed.\u00a0 Hoss was glad to have something to do, especially something that would help his brother.\u00a0 After seeing his brother\u2019s back for the first time, he had gone outside to try and force thoughts out of his mind.\u00a0 Initially, he was sure that his little brother was a goner.\u00a0 But after hearing the doctor and his father preparing to get to the point where they could treat Joe\u2019s injuries, he finally had some hope.<\/p>\n Hoss was joined a little while later by a very tired looking Ben.\u00a0 \u201cHow\u2019s it coming, Hoss?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAlmost done, Pa.\u201d\u00a0 Hoss hammered the last nail into the frame.\u00a0 \u201cHow\u2019s Joe?\u201d<\/p>\n Ben sighed trying to think of something positive to offer his son.\u00a0 \u201cHop Sing is with him.\u00a0 He\u2019s out cold\u2014you know that medicine Doc gave him should keep him out for awhile.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben sat down on a wooden crate and put his head in his hands totally exhausted.<\/p>\n Hoss put down the frame and walked over to his father.\u00a0 \u201cHey, Pa, you know Joe!\u00a0 Nothing can keep him down long!\u201d\u00a0 He tried to cheer Ben.\u00a0 Ben looked up at his middle son. How wonderful a man he had grown to be. <\/em>Ben thought to himself. Worried about my feelings when he\u2019s hurting himself.<\/em> Ben shook himself out of the daze.<\/p>\n \u201cIts going to be an uphill climb this time, son.\u00a0 We are going to have to keep Joe heavily sedated through most of it.\u201d Ben paused and Hoss jumped back in.<\/p>\n \u201cI know already, Pa.\u00a0 And I know what you are thinking too!\u00a0 Doc told me all about the morphine.\u00a0 He also said we\u2019d have to be giving it to Joe when he\u2019s not here.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAre you okay with that, son?\u201d Ben worried knowing Hoss had an outward appearance of having the strength of ten men, but inside he had a very soft heart.<\/p>\n Hoss slapped his father on the back chidingly.\u00a0 \u201cSure, Pa!\u00a0 No problem.\u00a0 We\u2019ll do whatever it takes.\u201d\u00a0 Hoss tried to sound more sure of himself than he really was.\u00a0 In the past he had dealt with his little brother\u2019s injuries and had even set a bone or two.\u00a0 But injecting a needle into Joe\u2019s skin?\u00a0 The thought of it made Hoss cringe.\u00a0 He looked again at his father.\u00a0 Ben had always been such a great role model and had handled even the worst crisis with grace and ease.\u00a0 Hoss was determined to do the same, and, if need be, he\u2019d be strong enough for both of them.\u00a0 \u201cHey\u2014you know me, Pa.\u00a0 I ain\u2019t the\u00a0squeamish type!\u201d\u00a0 Hoss smiled again and Ben read his face and knew of his intentions.\u00a0 It just made him love his son that much more.\u00a0 \u201cWell\u2014let\u2019s get this contraption up to Joe\u2019s room!\u201d Ben called as he stood.\u00a0 His son\u2019s words having given him that extra ounce of strength he had needed.<\/p>\n Hop Sing sat in the chair closest to where Little Joe was now sleeping.\u00a0 He had asked in his own type of prayers that his ancestors help him to care for his precious young charge.\u00a0 Hop Sing feeling always like a father to the boy and never like a mere housekeeper.\u00a0 The young man who lay before him, had grown from a baby all under the watchful eyes of Hop Sing.\u00a0 Hop Sing tended his needs and listened to Joseph\u2019s problems during a lot of trying times.\u00a0 The bond was there.\u00a0 Hop Sing knew it, Joe knew it, and others were amazed and sometimes annoyed by it.\u00a0 Hearing Joe and Hop Sing converse at times in Cantonese, or even formal Chinese, was truly an awe-inspiring experience!\u00a0 When Hop Sing was particularly upset with one of the other Cartwrights, he would cut loose with a string of Chinese chastisements.\u00a0 It would always bring a smile and a wink from Joe\u2014who knew what Hop Sing had said and gotten away with.<\/p>\n Hop Sing studied Little Joe\u2019s back and the burned flesh, which festered and had begun to swell with redness.\u00a0 Hop Sing had an idea how to help and he would be well on his way into action as soon as Ben came to change places as caregiver.\u00a0 Hop Sing reached out and put the palm of his right hand against Joe\u2019s left cheek. He muttered some Chinese words of love and encouragement.\u00a0 He hoped that somewhere, underneath Joe\u2019s deep trouble sleep, that he would hear what he had said and remember their forever bond.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n It was almost midnight<\/strong> of that very long day that Ben and Hoss carried up the frame that would surround Joe\u2019s bed.\u00a0 Hop Sing moved out of the way and watched the two men work diligently trying to get the placement of the frame just right.<\/p>\n \u201cGood job, son.\u201d Ben whispered satisfied with the workmanship.\u00a0 Hoss tried to smile but his eyes were caught on the view of his brother\u2019s back.\u00a0 Ben reached over and touched Hoss\u2019 shoulder.\u00a0 \u201cWe\u2019ve been through a lot haven\u2019t we?\u201d\u00a0 Ben asked gently and Hoss nodded.\u00a0 \u201cBut nothing this bad, Pa.\u201d Hoss sullenly replied.<\/p>\n Hop Sing joined the two men with fresh linens in his arms.\u00a0 \u201cWe tent bed now\u2014help keep off infection!\u201d Hop Sing insisted and they started to cover the frame with first a sheet and then with a quilt.<\/p>\n Hoss hated to admit to it but not having to view his brother\u2019s burns did make him rest easier.\u00a0 \u201cPa, Doc will be back in a couple of hours\u2014why don\u2019t you get some sleep?\u201d<\/p>\n Ben resisted at first, wanting only to sit next to his youngest and hold his hand to force strength back into him.\u00a0 Moments later he realized he would be needed more when the doctor returned.\u00a0 It would be time to start to treat Joe\u2019s injuries.\u00a0 Reluctantly, he nodded to Hoss.\u00a0 \u201cGuess you\u2019re right.\u00a0 You take the first watch.\u00a0 Wake me if he comes around, okay?\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss forced another weak smile.\u00a0 \u201cDon\u2019t look like that\u2019ll be too soon, Pa.\u00a0 Go get some sleep.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben turned toward the door and paused. He retraced his footsteps back to Joe\u2019s bedside.\u00a0 He lightly touched his son\u2019s forehead, partly to detect fever, but mostly to let the unconscious boy know that his father was still there. \u201cYou rest easy, Joseph.\u201d He whispered bending down close to his son.\u00a0 \u201cHoss is here with you.\u201d Ben could feel tears start to form in his own eyes and knew he was wearing thin from all of the day\u2019s events.<\/p>\n Hoss put his large arm around his father\u2019s shoulder.\u00a0 \u201cHey\u2014am I gonna have to carry you outa here?\u201d\u00a0 He asked giving his father a quick squeeze of his shoulders. Ben stood and raised his hand in defeat.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m going\u2014I\u2019m going.\u201d He replied heading for the door.<\/p>\n Hoss pulled the chair closer to his brother\u2019s bed.\u00a0 He wanted to be able to hear even the faint sound of Joe\u2019s breathing.\u00a0 \u201cC\u2019mon, Little Joe, you\u2019ve proved all of us wrong before!\u00a0 C\u2019mon start fighting your way back!\u201d Hoss choked out the words as he put one massive hand lightly to rest on top of Joe\u2019s left hand.<\/p>\n Doctor Martin arrived back at the Ponderosa just as dawn was breaking.\u00a0 He had only had time for a few hours sleep, but that was something he had grown accustomed to after many years as a country doctor.\u00a0 He had two satchels and his familiar black bag with him.\u00a0 Hop Sing greeted him at the front door.\u00a0 \u201cIs Joe awake?\u201d\u00a0 The doctor asked upon entering the large family room.<\/p>\n \u201cNo, but he starts stirring more.\u00a0 Pain come back soon now!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWell, let\u2019s go see.\u201d\u00a0 Doc turned to the stairs just as Hop Sing reached for his arm.\u00a0 Paul Martin turned toward the Chinese member of the family.\u00a0 \u201cWhat is it, Hop Sing?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWant to tell you\u2014vely important\u2014Hop Sing send message to cousin. Cousin will send what is needed to fix Little Joe!\u201d\u00a0 Hop Sing sounded anxious, almost insistent that he had some kind of cure.<\/p>\n \u201cHop Sing\u2014there isn\u2019t a whole lot we can do for Joe.\u00a0 I have some information from some of the best doctors.\u00a0 But, not an awful lot can be done for burns as severe as Joe\u2019s\u201d<\/p>\n Hop Sing shook his head adamantly.\u00a0 \u201cIn China we have much fire.\u00a0 Many burns I see.\u00a0 Number three cousin fix burn.\u00a0 He send what we need!\u201d<\/p>\n Paul Martin looked deeply into the insistent eyes of Hop Sing.\u00a0 He wasn\u2019t about to shrug anything off that might help his patient.\u00a0 \u201cYou send that telegraph, Hop Sing.\u00a0 Maybe between what we are learning here in the west and what your people have known for years we might just get lucky.\u201d<\/p>\n Paul turned toward the stairs leaving a very happy Hop Sing scurrying off to compose his telegraph.<\/p>\n \u201cWell?\u201d\u00a0 Ben asked as the doctor finished checking his son\u2019s vital signs.\u00a0 Paul let out a slow deep breath.\u00a0 \u201cSo far so good.\u00a0 His pulse is weak\u2014but it\u2019s steady.\u00a0 He\u2019s got a fever\u2014but that just shows us his body is still fighting.\u201d\u00a0 The doctor paused and stared down at the changing color of the skin on Joe\u2019s back.\u00a0 \u201cWe\u2019ve got to get on these treatments though. Before the infection has a chance to do more damage.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI heard back from that specialist that I told you about, Ben.\u00a0 He sent some specific instructions.\u00a0 He did say the success rate varies depending on a lot of things.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cLike what?\u201d\u00a0 Ben asked moving over to the table where Paul had started setting out different medicines.\u00a0 \u201cAmount of tissue loss, general condition of patient prior to injury, reaction to treatment and patient\u2019s willingness to fight.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWell, at least we have Joe\u2019s general good health, right?\u201d\u00a0 Ben questioned trying to come up with something positive.\u00a0 Doctor Martin nodded.\u00a0 \u201cWe need to come up with a regular schedule, Ben.\u00a0 We need to build Joe\u2019s system up to fight off infection then treat the pain aspect and then do the treatments.\u201d<\/p>\n Paul reached in his bag and drew out some glass straws.\u00a0 \u201cWe need to get a lot of fluids in him to start with.\u00a0 I\u2019ve made up a concoction that Joe can drink that will help to build him up a little. I\u2019ve written the ingredients down for Hop Sing so he can fix it daily.\u201d\u00a0 The doctor shook up a bottle with a milky colored substance to it.\u00a0 Ben stared at it unappealingly. Paul smiled.\u00a0 \u201cIt\u2019s really not as bad as it looks, Ben.\u201d\u00a0 He then poured it into a glass and put the straw in it.<\/p>\n \u201cSo, what the plan right now is \u2014let\u2019s get Joe awake, get him to drink this and some water.\u00a0 Then we\u2019ll give him a good dose of morphine so we can do his first treatment.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhatever you say.\u201d\u00a0 Ben said unsure of how this would all work, but, putting his faith in a friend who had pulled his youngest through many an injury in the past.<\/p>\n \u201cTry to wake him up, Ben.\u00a0 He responds to your voice a lot better than to mine!\u201d<\/p>\n Ben once again knelt down next to Joe.\u00a0 He began stroking Joe\u2019s left arm gently.\u00a0 \u201cJoseph\u2014Joseph, it\u2019s time to wake up, son.\u00a0 C\u2019mon\u2014open your eyes.\u201d\u00a0 He began.<\/p>\n Joe heard a voice pulling him out of the darkness and back into the dimly lit room once more.\u00a0 He slowly blinked.\u00a0 A couple of times the blinking was so faint that his father didn\u2019t even notice.\u00a0 Then Joe blinked hard and as he opened his eyes he felt himself thrown back into the fire that was his back.\u00a0 \u201cNo.\u201d\u00a0 Joe moaned and tried his best to go back under to where nothing hurt.<\/p>\n \u201cJoseph\u2014you\u2019ve gotta try\u2014Joseph\u2014please!\u201d Ben persisted.<\/p>\n Joe could feel tears starting to leave his eyes.\u00a0 Involuntary tears swept down his cheeks.\u00a0 Joe didn\u2019t want to cry; he wanted to go back where it didn\u2019t hurt any more.<\/p>\n \u201cPa\u2014I can\u2019t.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe\u2019s voice was both hoarse and pleading.\u00a0 Ben reached up and brushed the tears off of Joe\u2019s face.\u00a0 \u201cWe have to get some water in you, son.\u00a0 C\u2019mon\u2014do it for me?\u201d Ben was now begging.<\/p>\n Joe opened his eyes again.\u00a0 \u201cIt hurts too much\u2014\u201d Joe cried. Ben put the straw to Joe\u2019s mouth.\u00a0 \u201cDrink this\u2014as soon as it\u2019s all gone I promise you we will give you something that will make the pain go away.\u201d<\/p>\n In Joe\u2019s mind, this bargain made sense.\u00a0 This was what he could do to get relief.\u00a0 If he drank, he would get medicine.\u00a0 If he got medicine, the pain would go away.\u00a0 Joe slowly began to drink the concoction the doctor had made.\u00a0 After that, he drank the water he was given.\u00a0 Just the act of drinking was a great ordeal and Joe let his head fall to the pillow after finishing the last of the water.\u00a0 \u201cVery good, son!\u201d Ben praised Joe as if this was his son\u2019 first step towards the battle to survive the injury.\u00a0 \u201cPain\u2014\u201d was all Joe could mumble.<\/p>\n Ben looked over to Paul who had already drawn the needle full of morphine.\u00a0 \u201cWe\u2019re gonna fix that now.\u201d\u00a0 Ben replied as the doctor made his way over to Joe\u2019s side.<\/p>\n \u201cOkay, Ben.\u201d Paul said as he drew a silent breath.\u00a0 \u201cThis is your first lesson. Now watch as I do this.\u201d\u00a0 The doctor turned Joe\u2019s arm slightly and found his mark right above the inner elbow.\u00a0 Ben chewed at his bottom lip as the syringe needle went under Joe\u2019s pale skin.\u00a0 \u201cNext time,\u201d Doc paused as he drew the needle back out.\u00a0 \u201cNext time I\u2019ll have you do it.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben exhaled deeply and stared down at Joseph.\u00a0 He could see the tenseness in Joe\u2019s jaw line slowly erase. Whatever it takes.<\/em> Ben repeated in his head.<\/p>\n Both men watched as Joe drifted back off, his respirations became slower, and the grimace on his face smoothed to a gentle peace.\u00a0 \u201cLet\u2019s get that treatment done.\u201d<\/p>\n The doctor turned to one of the bags he had brought into the room.\u00a0 He had sent instructions for Hop Sing to sterilize two metal bowls and then fill one with boiling water.\u00a0 Hop Sing brought up the bowls to Joe\u2019s room and set them on the table by the bed.\u00a0 By then the doctor had unfolded several sheets of the muslin and placed them in the boiling water.\u00a0 He opened several jars and instructed Ben to watch how the medicines were to be mixed.\u00a0 Ben retreated from his son\u2019s bedside and joined Paul at the other end of the room.<\/p>\n \u201cWe sterilize the two bowls, then place the cloths in the water. Then we will use these tongs to squeeze out the excess water.\u201d\u00a0 The doctor paused and showed Ben how to manipulate the tongs. He then, using the instrument, spread the cloth onto the empty bowl and poured the different medicines over it.\u00a0 \u201cAfter the medicine is spread out like this, hold the two farthest corners\u2014trying to touch as least as possible\u2014the main part here will go directly over Joe\u2019s burn.\u00a0 We have to be sure not to contaminate what we have just sterilized.\u201d\u00a0 Ben nodded and retrieved two of the medicine jars and studied their labels.\u00a0 \u201cIs this what the specialist recommended? Lime-water and linseed oil?\u201d<\/p>\n Paul nodded.\u00a0 \u201cIt\u2019s as good a medicine as there is\u2014you know we have to prevent infection and hope that Joe\u2019s body is strong enough to repair itself.\u201d Doc Martin, holding the two corners of the cloth walked over to his patient and laid the first piece over the top end of Joe\u2019s back.\u00a0 Immediately Ben could see the reaction of the chemicals and their effects on the burnt skin.\u00a0 The burn seemed to bubble up like beads of water on a hot skillet.\u00a0 Ben winced at the sight as the doctor turned and went over for the other cloth.\u00a0 Paul saw his friend\u2019s reaction to the sight of his son\u2019s back. \u201cI know it looks awful, Ben, but it will help.\u00a0 But, I\u2019ll tell you this\u2014if Joe was awake he wouldn\u2019t be able to handle this!\u201d<\/p>\n Ben nodded still transfixed on his son\u2019s injury.\u00a0 \u201cHow long do we keep this on?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAbout a half of an hour\u2014no longer as we want to be able to pull the cloth away without doing more damage.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben sank down in the chair.\u00a0 \u201cHow often do we do the treatments?\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Doc Martin walked over<\/strong> to the washbasin to scrub his hands.\u00a0 \u201cTwice a day.\u00a0 We\u2019ll try to get food and water down Joe in the morning then give him a shot and do the first treatment of the day.\u00a0 We\u2019ll do the same thing in the evening.\u201d<\/p>\n Hop Sing walked back in the room and moved over to where Little Joe lay.\u00a0 \u201cCousin will send medicine\u2014it help Little Joe more\u2014help so no scar too!\u201d Hop Sing assured both men.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat?\u201d\u00a0 Ben asked puzzled.<\/p>\n Paul smiled amused at Ben\u2019s surprise.\u00a0 He explained, \u201cWe decided that we will try some Chinese medicine too.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cDo you think that is wise?\u201d Ben wasn\u2019t at all convinced.<\/p>\n Paul put his hand on Ben\u2019s shoulder.\u00a0 \u201cIt couldn\u2019t hurt!\u201d He insisted.<\/p>\n Ben sighed deeply and nodded.\u00a0 Joe had a long road to recovering from his injury and as he had said many times before he repeated here.\u00a0 \u201cWhatever it takes.\u201d<\/p>\n The next time Joe awakened, he wasn\u2019t in as much pain as he had been before. \u00a0It was more like having a dull ache than feeling like he was on fire.\u00a0 Ben had just minutes before traded places with Hoss in the room when Joe started to stir again in his bed.\u00a0 Ben was quick to reach out, touch his son\u2019s hand, and try to ease him back into consciousness.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m right here, son.\u201d\u00a0 Ben whispered.\u00a0 Joe blinked hard and his father came back into focus.\u00a0 \u201cPa\u2014\u2014what happened?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou were hurt in a fire at Mitch\u2019s house.\u00a0 Do you remember?\u201d<\/p>\n Joe closed his eyes again and the pictures flashed through his clouded mind. \u201cDid Mattie get out okay?\u201d<\/p>\n Ben stroked Joe\u2019s head lightly and felt a lump in his own throat.\u00a0 Here his son lay before him burnt almost beyond repair and he was worried about somebody else.\u00a0 It was yet another realization that Ben had done a good job raising the young man who lay before him.\u00a0 \u201cYes\u2014thanks to you!\u00a0 I just wish you had fared as well.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe tried to move but the pain stopped him.\u00a0 \u201cIt\u2019s bad isn\u2019t it, Pa?\u201d Joe asked his earnest green eyes still clouded with the after affects of the morphine. Ben\u2019s hand dropped from Joe\u2019s head and lightly brushed across his exposed left cheek.\u00a0 \u201cYes, Joe.\u201d\u00a0 Ben paused again.\u00a0 \u201cIt\u2019s bad.\u00a0 But you are going to make it.\u201d\u00a0 Ben reassured.<\/p>\n Joe reached up for his father\u2019s hand.\u00a0 He took it into his own not wanting to let go of the main source of his own strength.\u00a0 Ben knew what Joe was thinking without words being exchanged.\u00a0 Joe was afraid.\u00a0 Afraid of the pain, afraid of the uncertainty of the situation, afraid of the slow process of healing, Joe finally broke the silence and asked, \u201cSo, what happens now?\u201d<\/p>\n Ben cleared his throat trying to push aside the deep emotion that was revealing itself in his eyes.\u00a0 \u201cThe doctor has already started your treatments.\u00a0 I\u2019m not going to lie to you, Joseph.\u00a0 It\u2019s going to be a long haul.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe couldn\u2019t see his back but the pain was starting to come again in intensity.\u00a0 He winced trying to mentally ward it off.\u00a0 \u201cIt\u2019s gonna scar isn\u2019t it?\u201d Joe choked out.<\/p>\n Ben squeezed Joe\u2019s hand.\u00a0 \u201cNot if the doc and Hop Sing have anything to do with it!\u00a0 They have all kinds of medicines to fix you up.\u00a0 You just concern yourself with getting better and building up your strength.\u201d\u00a0 Ben had noticed the appearance of pain as it settled once more over Joe\u2019s face.\u00a0 The jaw line tightened and Joe\u2019s eyes started to smolder.<\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019s hurting.\u201d\u00a0 Joe paused and released his father\u2019s hand.<\/p>\n \u201cThe doc will be here soon, son.\u00a0 Let\u2019s get some water in you first.\u201d Ben walked over to the water pitcher on the nightstand and poured a glass.\u00a0 He then put the straw into the drink and held it up to his son\u2019s lips.\u00a0 \u201cDrink this and we\u2019ll get you something for pain.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe drank the glass of water and then lay with his eyes closed trying again to will the pain away.\u00a0 It didn\u2019t work.\u00a0 \u201cPa\u2014I need it now.\u201d\u00a0 Joe pleaded.<\/p>\n Walking over to the bureau Ben lifted the syringe and the bottle of morphine.\u00a0 There was tightness in the pit of his stomach as he started to draw up the medicine.\u00a0 Ben had hoped for a couple more lessons before having to go solo with injecting his son.\u00a0 As if on cue, Doc Martin walked in the door.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m so glad to see you, Paul!\u201d\u00a0 Ben exclaimed holding the syringe full of medicine.\u00a0 Paul took it from Ben and examined the dose.\u00a0 He then handed it back to his friend.\u00a0 \u201cLooks good, Ben.\u00a0 You are going to do it, though.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben turned around to look at his son.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m not sure that I can do it.\u201d\u00a0 Ben whispered so Joe wouldn\u2019t hear him.<\/p>\n \u201cWell, you can.\u00a0 And besides, there are two young ladies in Virginia City who are both due to have their babies in the next week or so.\u00a0 There\u2019s no guarantee I\u2019ll be around on schedule.\u00a0 Remember what you said?\u201d\u00a0 The doctor reminded Ben.<\/p>\n \u201cYeah\u2014whatever it takes!\u201d\u00a0 Ben admitted to his own words.<\/p>\n \u201cC\u2019mon then\u2014I\u2019ll help.\u201d\u00a0 Paul walked over to Joe followed by a nervous Ben.<\/p>\n \u201cYour pa\u2019s gonna give you your pain killer, Joe.\u00a0 Now you hold real still\u2014you hear?\u201d<\/p>\n Joe looked at the doctor and then his eyes went back and forth between his father and the syringe in his father\u2019s hand.\u00a0 Paul turned Joe\u2019s arm over to spot the inside of his elbow. \u201cLet\u2019s go a little above the last shot.\u00a0 We\u2019ll alternate arms each day as well.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben held the back of Joe\u2019s arm with his left hand.\u00a0 He turned to look back at Paul who just nodded his encouragement.\u00a0 Ben drew a deep breath and then pushed the needle under the skin on Joe\u2019s left arm.\u00a0 \u201cPush the plunger slowly.\u201d\u00a0 Paul reminded and Ben finished the injection and drew the needle out.<\/p>\n Ben looked at his son\u2019s face for reassurance.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m fine.\u201d Joe spoke softly knowing his father was worried that he may have hurt him.<\/p>\n Ben stood upright and a great relief shot through him.\u00a0 Paul slapped Ben on the back.\u00a0 \u201cYou did real good, Ben.\u00a0 I may just make you my permanent assistant!\u201d He smiled.<\/p>\n Ben shook his head and gave a slight grin.\u00a0 \u201cI don\u2019t think so!\u201d He said emphatically.<\/p>\n Both men stared down at Joe who had drifted back off to sleep.\u00a0 \u201cWell, let\u2019s see how well you do with the treatment now!\u201d\u00a0 Paul said and Ben shook his head.<\/p>\n \u201cI think I could use a drink first!\u201d\u00a0 Ben admitted seriously.\u00a0 Paul nodded his agreement.\u00a0 \u201cYou go get some brandy.\u00a0 I\u2019ll get things ready then we\u2019ll do it.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben turned toward the door and stopped.\u00a0 Paul read his friend\u2019s mind.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019ll be right here with him\u2014he\u2019s not going anywhere!\u201d\u00a0 Ben smiled having once again showed his over-protective side.\u00a0 Fortunately, it was shown to someone who was already perfectly aware of Ben\u2019s love for his son.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n The following week had passed<\/strong> as though it had been just one continuous day.\u00a0 Feed Joe, inject Joe; treat Joe\u2019s wounds then the same steps repeated over and over again.\u00a0 The doctor was pleased with the fact that the infection was slowing, but he still worried about whether the skin would ever be able to heal.<\/p>\n Hop Sing\u2019s cousin had immediately sent the requested herbal medicines after he had received the urgent telegraph.\u00a0 Hoss had brought the box into the house after returning from Virginia City.\u00a0 Hop Sing sat on the coffee table one by one displaying each herb and potion for Doctor Martin\u2019s inspection.\u00a0 Though Paul was not sure of the validity of using the items that sat before him, he felt it was a needed try.\u00a0 Paul knew it would make Hop Sing feel like he was helping and not just standing idly by.<\/p>\n \u201cOkay, Hop Sing.\u201d\u00a0 The doctor began, \u201cAfter each of my treatments it\u2019ll be your turn\u2014as long as Joe is still asleep none of this should do any harm.\u201d\u00a0 The doctor lifted a jar up to his nose and smelled of its contents.\u00a0 \u201cAt least it smells better than what I\u2019ve been using!\u201d Paul smiled and received an excited nod from Hop Sing.<\/p>\n That night, after the doctor and Ben had done the normal nightly treatment, Hop Sing stood by the bed a tray of his potions spread out on the nightstand. \u201cIt\u2019s all yours.\u201d the doctor said and stood back.\u00a0 Hop Sing scooped some medicine that looked like a cross between beeswax and paste onto a thin wooden spatula.\u00a0 He then spread the substance lightly over Little Joe\u2019s massive burn.<\/p>\n Ben grimaced at the sight.\u00a0 \u201cWhat is it exactly?\u201d Ben asked.<\/p>\n \u201cVely\u2014special\u2014many things\u2014all will help Little Joe!\u00a0 Help not infect, help stop the scars.\u00a0 Vely good!\u201d Hop Sing insisted.<\/p>\n Ben shook his head and looked back over at Doctor Martin.\u00a0 \u201cYou sure about this, Doc?\u00a0 Looks like that\u2019s going to be hard to get off of Joe\u2019s back!\u201d\u00a0 Before the doctor could reply Hop Sing interrupted.<\/p>\n \u201cNo take off back, will disappear.\u00a0 Go down deep\u2014heal from inside to outside.\u201d<\/p>\n The doctor just shrugged and Ben gave up the questioning.\u00a0 He knew that few people on the planet loved the boy receiving the treatment more than Hop Sing.\u00a0 He would be sure not to cause any more harm to his young charge.<\/p>\n Joe\u2019s recovery during the second week was much like the first one.\u00a0 He had begun to stay awake longer, and he also had begun to eat a little more.\u00a0 He continued to drink the liquid meal that the doctor had concocted to help boost his system.<\/p>\n Hoss spent many hours in the room reading to his brother.\u00a0 As he read Moby Dick, Joe enjoyed listening to his brother struggling with the words and challenged him at times to the deeper meaning of the literary work.<\/p>\n \u201cHey, Joe.\u00a0 How about I read you Hamlet now?\u201d Hoss laughed after finally completing Moby Dick\u2019s last sentence.\u00a0 Joe was now laying partly on his right side, pillows propped up in front of him.\u00a0 \u201cNo, you would make me laugh too hard and it\u2019ll start me to hurting!\u201d\u00a0 Joe tried a forced smile.<\/p>\n \u201cHow about checkers?\u201d\u00a0 Hoss changed the subject.<\/p>\n Joe glanced over at the clock on his nightstand.\u00a0 \u201cHey, it\u2019s almost midnight\u2014you need to go to bed.\u00a0 You don\u2019t have to babysit me all day and night you know!\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss laughed.\u00a0 \u201cHey\u2014it beats doing chores\u2014I\u2019m just trying to get some rest!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYeah\u2014right.\u201d \u00a0Joe said looking at the dark circles that surrounded his brother\u2019s eyes.<\/p>\n \u201cBetween you and Pa I doubt that you\u2019ve gotten even four straight hours of sleep since all this happened.\u201d\u00a0 Hoss patted Joe\u2019s shoulder lightly.<\/p>\n \u201cYou\u2019d do the same for us.\u201d\u00a0 Hoss reminded his brother.<\/p>\n \u201cWell, go on to bed just the same.\u201d\u00a0 Joe insisted.\u00a0 Ben walked into the room as Hoss stood and stretched.\u00a0 \u201cGo on, son.\u00a0 I\u2019ve got it now.\u201d\u00a0 Ben said and sunk down into the chair on the other side of the bed.\u00a0 \u201cGuess I\u2019ll grab some shut eye.\u201d Hoss yawned and left the room.<\/p>\n \u201cHow are you feeling?\u201d\u00a0 Ben asked trying to read Joe\u2019s face.<\/p>\n \u201cBored.\u201d\u00a0 Joe stated flatly.<\/p>\n Ben grinned and reached out to brush aside a stray curl hanging from Joe\u2019s forehead.\u00a0 \u201cYou know what I mean!\u201d<\/p>\n Joe frowned and tried to shift slightly in the bed.\u00a0 \u201cYeah\u2014it\u2019s starting up.\u201d\u00a0 Joe paused.\u00a0 \u201cI don\u2019t look forward to that needle\u2014but I guess I need some now.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThat\u2019s what I thought.\u201d\u00a0 Ben replied sternly and walked over to the medicine.\u00a0 He drew the syringe full of morphine and turned back to his son.\u00a0 Joe offered his left arm in preparation but Ben pushed it back down gently.\u00a0 \u201cNo\u2014it\u2019s your right arm this time, Joseph.\u201d\u00a0 Ben reminded as he walked to the other side of the bed.\u00a0 \u201cYou ready?\u201d Ben asked.<\/p>\n Joe unfolded his right arm towards his father.\u00a0 \u201cYeah.\u201d\u00a0 Joe\u2019s voice shook a little bit and he closed his eyes.\u00a0 Ben injected his son and stayed there next to him as he drifted off to sleep.<\/p>\n Ben watched his son as he once more went down into the deep void that led to perfect peace.\u00a0 He wondered how long Joe would need the relief of the highly addictive drug.\u00a0 It was a double-edged sword.\u00a0 The morphine was helping to keep Joe alive so that he could be healed, and yet it had begun to become a crutch.\u00a0 And from what the doctor had said, it was a crutch that would be hard to rid Joe of.<\/p>\n Ben shook his head disturbed at his thoughts.\u00a0 He knew he had to concern himself at the moment with keeping his son pain free until the crisis time was over.\u00a0 The after effects of the drug would be handled at a later time when Joe\u2019s life was not in jeopardy.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cHow\u2019s he doing?\u201d\u00a0<\/strong> Ben asked as he entered the ranch house coming back from a trip to Virginia City.\u00a0 Paul Martin sat on the settee enjoying a cup of coffee with Hoss and turned toward the approaching Ben.\u00a0 \u201cHe\u2019s doing better than I expected actually.\u00a0 Hoss and I just finished giving him a treatment and Hop Sing is up in Joe\u2019s room finishing up with his magic potions!\u201d<\/p>\n Ben joined the two men in the living room and Hoss passed his father a cup of coffee.\u00a0 \u201cThanks, son.\u00a0 Sure can use this\u2014it\u2019s getting mighty cold out there!\u201d\u00a0 Ben remarked, placed a small package on the coffee table, and then sipped his coffee.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat\u2019s this?\u201d\u00a0 Hoss lifted the package to take a look.<\/p>\n \u201cFrom Adam.\u201d\u00a0 Ben paused and took another sip.\u00a0 \u201cA present he sent to Joe.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhat do you think it is?\u201d\u00a0 Hoss studied the shape, size, and weight of the mystery gift.<\/p>\n Ben smiled knowingly at Hoss.\u00a0 \u201cNow it\u2019s from ADAM\u2014what do you think?\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss set it back down.\u00a0 \u201cA book.\u201d\u00a0 He stated with some disappointment in his tone.<\/p>\n Ben turned his attention back to the doctor.\u00a0 \u201cSo, you were saying Joe\u2019s doing good?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHe\u2019s healing a lot faster than I originally thought he would.\u00a0 Maybe it\u2019s our medicine treatments\u2014or maybe it\u2019s Hop Sing\u2019s secret potions!\u00a0 Whatever it is, though, I think he\u2019s finally out of the crisis phase now.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019s been three weeks\u2014can we get him off of the pain killer now?\u201d\u00a0 Ben asked avoiding using the word \u201cmorphine\u201d.\u00a0 The sound and idea of the drug always left an acid taste in Ben\u2019s mouth when he said it.<\/p>\n \u201cNot yet, Ben.\u00a0 Another couple of weeks I think.\u00a0 He\u2019s done well because he has survived those treatments.\u00a0 The treatments would still be unbearable if he wasn\u2019t sedated.\u201d\u00a0 Paul stood and donned his hat and coat.\u00a0 \u201cWell, I\u2019ve got to get back to town.\u00a0 I\u2019ll be back tomorrow.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThanks, Doc.\u201d\u00a0 Both Cartwrights said in unison.\u00a0 Once the doctor had gone, Hoss spoke again.\u00a0 \u201cI wish Adam had come home.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019s not that he didn\u2019t want to, son.\u00a0 But he had only been in Boston a little over a week when Joe had his accident.\u00a0 He\u2019s looked forward to this trip all year.\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss nodded his understanding and lifted the package again.\u00a0 \u201cCan\u2019t wait for Joe to wake up so he can open this.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben laughed, \u201cYou never could stand to see a wrapped present!\u00a0 I remember you getting into your presents long before Christmas morning!\u201d\u00a0 Hoss gave a sheepish grin.<\/p>\n \u201cJust curious\u2014-that\u2019s all.\u201d\u00a0 He smiled.<\/p>\n It was almost seven o\u2019clock that night by the time Joe had awakened.\u00a0 He shifted from his stomach to his side as he spotted his father coming in the door.\u00a0 \u201cHere let me help you!\u201d<\/p>\n Ben was quick with the extra pillows placing them in front of his son to help prop him forward on the bed.\u00a0 \u201cWhat time is it anyway?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cA little after seven, son.\u201d\u00a0 Ben answered taking his familiar chair by the bedside.<\/p>\n Joe blinked hard and waited for his vision to become clearer.\u00a0 His head felt light and he was somewhat dizzy.\u00a0 The drug\u2019s effect was something he had become accustomed to feeling.\u00a0 \u201cOkay\u2014that\u2019s the time\u2014why don\u2019t you tell me what day it is?\u201d<\/p>\n Ben had to think on that one himself.\u00a0 He had been so focused on taking care of his son that one day had just drifted into the next.\u00a0 \u201cIt\u2019s Friday, Joseph.\u201d\u00a0 Ben finally answered.<\/p>\n \u201cHow long have I been up here?\u201d<\/p>\n Ben reached over and touched Joe\u2019s shoulder.\u00a0 \u201cIt\u2019s been three weeks now.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe gave what sounded like a bitter laugh.\u00a0 \u201cThree weeks\u2014and I still feel like Hell.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben tried to change the subject.\u00a0 He handed Adam\u2019s package to his son.\u00a0 \u201cThis came for you today.\u201d\u00a0 Joe tried to tear through the brown paper wrapping but had little strength.<\/p>\n Ben reached over and tore part of one of the corners so Joe could get it opened easier.<\/p>\n \u201cA book.\u201d\u00a0 Joe stated not at all excited.<\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019s from Adam.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe opened the book\u2019s front cover and read out loud the inscription.\u00a0 \u201cTo my brother Joe\u2014who finally is staying still long enough to read a good book.\u00a0 Get better soon.\u00a0 Love Adam.\u201d<\/em>\u00a0 Joe then turned to the title page.\u00a0 \u201cSelected Best Loved Poems\u201d.\u00a0 Joe closed the cover and shut his eyes again.\u00a0 \u201cHe wants me to get refined.\u201d Joe responded with sarcasm.<\/p>\n \u201cYou ready to eat now?\u201d\u00a0 Ben again changed the subject.<\/p>\n \u201cNot exactly hungry.\u201d\u00a0 Joe said quietly.<\/p>\n \u201cWell you\u2019re going to anyway.\u201d\u00a0 Ben stood and turned toward the door.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019ll be back in a minute with your dinner.\u201d When his father left the room Joe opened the book once more and started to look through it.\u00a0 \u201cI knew Shakespeare would be in here!\u201d\u00a0 Joe spoke aloud.\u00a0 Joe skimmed through a passage and his eyes caught on a particular verse.<\/p>\n \u201cOut, out brief candle!\u00a0 <\/em><\/p>\n Life is but a walking shadow, a poor player who struts and frets his hour upon the stage and is heard no more.\u00a0 <\/em><\/p>\n It is a tale told by an idiot \u2014full of sound and fury\u2014signifying nothing!\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n <\/p>\n Joe nodded his head.\u00a0 \u201cYou are so right Mr. Shakespeare.\u201d\u00a0 The passage seemed to feed Joe\u2019s cynical mind.\u00a0 He was feeling angry, very angry.\u00a0 Anger at the hurt, anger to be cooped up, anger to be facing pain and knowing it wasn\u2019t going to end any time soon.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Several days later<\/strong> Hoss had just come down the stairs from his visit with his little brother.\u00a0 He approached Ben, who sat at his desk in the den.\u00a0 \u201cPa? Can I talk with you?\u201d Hoss asked knowing he never REALLY had to ask.\u00a0 In his whole life his father had never turned him away.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat\u2019s wrong?\u201d\u00a0 Ben looked up from his paper work and noticed Hoss\u2019 sad face as he sat down in the chair next to him.<\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019s Joe.\u00a0 I know he\u2019s not himself because of the painkiller and all, but he just seems so different!\u00a0 It\u2019s hard seeing him like this.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben walked over, sat on the corner of the desk, and put his hand on his son\u2019s shoulder.\u00a0 \u201cWhat do you mean, Hoss?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHe\u2019s so full of gloom and doom!\u00a0 You know he\u2019s even memorized poems from that book from Adam?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhat\u2019s wrong with that?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019s only the depressing ones, Pa!\u00a0 You really need to listen to him!\u00a0 It\u2019s all about wanting to die and how life is meaningless!\u00a0 Dadburnit, there are some nice poems in that book, but Joe will only read the gloomy ones!\u201d<\/p>\n Ben sighed deeply.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019ve noticed it too, Hoss.\u00a0 I think it is the medicine; it alters your personality after awhile.\u00a0 At least that\u2019s what the doctor said.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWell, I wish he was off the damn stuff!\u00a0 I\u2019d sure rather hear him laugh than to listen to him quote that depressing stuff!\u201d<\/p>\n Ben squeezed Hoss\u2019 shoulder lightly.\u00a0 \u201cThe doctor said we can start weaning Joe off of it in a week or so.\u00a0 Then, hopefully we\u2019ll have him back the way he was.\u00a0 But, until then we\u2019ll just have to be patient.<\/p>\n Hoss nodded even though he was starting to have his doubts as to whether he would ever have his brother back the way he had been before his accident.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n It was much later the same night<\/strong> as Ben and Hoss had discussed their worries over Joe\u2019s personality change that Ben had gone up to his room to check on him.\u00a0 Ben found his son sleeping soundly with his left index finger still holding a place in the book Adam had given him.\u00a0 Ben slowly pulled the book away, keeping Joe\u2019s place in the book with his own index finger.\u00a0 Ben pulled the covers up over the bed frame and then sat down in the chair.<\/p>\n Staring at the poem that Joe had so carefully marked, both with his finger and with the turned down corner of the page, Ben began to read it in a soft whisper,<\/p>\n \u201cMy heart aches and a drowsy numbness pains<\/em><\/p>\n my sense as though of hemlock I had drunk, <\/em><\/p>\n or emptied some dull opiate to the drains\u2014\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n <\/p>\n Ben stopped.\u00a0<\/strong> He gazed over at his sleeping son. Oh, Joseph. You have to get through this\u2014I pray that we get you back\u2014the way you were.<\/em> Ben reached over and let his fingers brush through Joe\u2019s unruly hair. I miss your laugh\u2014I miss your smile\u2014I miss your irritating habits that make me love you so! <\/em>Ben closed the book and stayed keeping watch over his youngest son.<\/p>\n Ben slept hard, his body and mind exhausted from weeks of worry.\u00a0 It was the first deep sleep in which he had entered in a long, long time.\u00a0 From somewhere, far off in the distance, he heard the sound.\u00a0 Ben\u2019s mind fought towards the conscious state as his body fought to stay in slumber.\u00a0 The sound persisted become more clear and a cry more intense.\u00a0 He realized it was Joe in the next room calling out to him!\u00a0 Ben slowly sat up in bed wondering if it was a dream.\u00a0 To remove all doubt, he heard the cry again and Ben was sure it was a cry for help.\u00a0 Ben threw on his robe and slippers and headed to his son\u2019s room.<\/p>\n \u201cDadburn it!\u201d Hoss spoke as he saw his father appear at the door.\u00a0 \u201cI told you not to wake Pa!\u201d He chastised his little brother.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat\u2019s going on here?\u201d\u00a0 Ben asked moving closer to the two brothers.<\/p>\n \u201cI told Joe it was too early for another shot\u2014told him he needed to wait awhile longer.\u201d Hoss protested.<\/p>\n Ben stared down at Joe.\u00a0 \u201cAre you hurting that bad?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhat\u2014do you think I\u2019m making all of this up?\u201d\u00a0 Joe retorted angrily.<\/p>\n \u201cPa.\u201d\u00a0 Hoss intervened again.\u00a0 \u201cHe had a shot just two hours ago.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m sorry my pain doesn\u2019t know how to tell time!\u201d Joe was now shouting.<\/p>\n Ben frowned at both of his sons, trying to figure out the best way to handle the situation.<\/p>\n \u201cHoss\u2014you go on to bed\u2014you\u2019ve had a long day. I\u2019ll handle this.\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss shook his head in disbelief.\u00a0 It angered him so to see the strain on his father\u2019s face.\u00a0 It made him even madder to think that Joe was using his injury as a tool to get whatever he wanted.\u00a0 Deciding it would only upset his father more if he stayed to further contest Joe\u2019s actions, Hoss walked out of the room.<\/p>\n \u201cNow, Joseph.\u201d\u00a0 Ben spoke calmly and quietly to take charge of the situation.\u00a0 \u201cYour brother was only trying to help.\u00a0 He didn\u2019t want to dose you any more than what is necessary.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cFine\u2014I\u2019ll just lay here hurting. You all can go to bed and sleep soundly.\u201d\u00a0 Joe spoke out bitterly.\u00a0 Ben took a deep breath and let it out real slowly.\u00a0 He fought hard to remember that this was the dull effects of the morphine talking back to him in such an ill manner and not his youngest son.\u00a0 Ben looked over at the clock.\u00a0 \u201cIt\u2019s two a.m., let\u2019s give it until three\u2014and then if you\u2019re still hurting I\u2019ll give you some.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe shut his eyes tightly.\u00a0 He wanted the morphine.\u00a0 He NEEDED the morphine!\u00a0 He tried hard to think of how to get it without waiting the additional time.\u00a0 After a few moments the tears started to roll down Joe\u2019s cheeks and he cried softly.\u00a0 \u201cPa\u2014please\u2014it hurts so much!\u201d<\/p>\n That was it for Ben!\u00a0 He couldn\u2019t bear to see the anguish on Joe\u2019s face.\u00a0 After all, he reasoned, maybe the infection had returned, or maybe the scar tissue was pulling harder than before!\u00a0 Ben brushed the tears from Joe\u2019s pale face.\u00a0 \u201cOkay, son.\u201d\u00a0 He whispered and walked over to the bureau to retrieve the morphine.<\/p>\n There was a very heated discussion in the Ponderosa\u2019s living room the next day.\u00a0 Hoss, the doctor and Ben stood arguing over what had transpired the night before.<\/p>\n \u201cBen, it\u2019s not the pain\u2014it\u2019s the addiction that\u2019s making Joe want more morphine now!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo,\u201d Ben refused the thought and raised his hand in gesture.\u00a0 \u201cHe was hurting\u2014I could see it on his face!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHe knows how to get to you!\u201d\u00a0 Hoss insisted.<\/p>\n \u201cThat\u2019s not fair, Hoss.\u201d\u00a0 Ben retorted angrily.<\/p>\n \u201cOkay\u2014that\u2019s enough.\u201d\u00a0 The doctor spoke quietly.\u00a0 \u201cYou both sit down and let\u2019s discuss this rationally.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0 Finally the three men sat down in opposite chairs to talk.<\/p>\n \u201cBen, one reason that Joe\u2019s asking for it more could be the pain\u2014but that\u2019s also because his body has built up a tolerance and now is requiring more.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben glanced over at Hoss and Hoss frowned.<\/p>\n \u201cBut, we are reaching a point now where we have to slowly wean him off the drug.\u00a0 Not increase the dosage.\u201d\u00a0 The doctor reiterated.<\/p>\n \u201cAnd we make him suffer?\u201d\u00a0 Ben was incredulous.<\/p>\n \u201cNo, Ben.\u00a0 Just slowly let him get use to tolerating the pain a little more.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben scowled and drummed his fingers on the coffee table at war with his emotions.<\/p>\n \u201cSo, what do we do now, Doc?\u00a0 Joe is okay until he starts asking for the morphine\u2014and then he\u2019s down right awful!\u201d\u00a0 Hoss explained to the doctor.<\/p>\n \u201cLet\u2019s start by giving him half-doses instead of a whole syringe.\u00a0 But don\u2019t let him know.\u00a0 Then if he wants more at least we won\u2019t be increasing from what he\u2019s already use to.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben and Hoss nodded their agreement.\u00a0 \u201cAnd we need to get him up out of that bed.\u00a0 Get him to sit in a chair for a few minutes at a time.\u00a0 That will help his circulation and maybe his disposition a little.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhen?\u201d\u00a0 Ben asked concerned at the events that would soon take place.<\/p>\n \u201cWell, it\u2019s about an hour until his next dose\u2014probably a good time to start.\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss and his father stood up in anticipation.\u00a0 \u201cNow, you both are to do exactly what I say up there!\u00a0 No caving in, Ben\u2014you understand?\u201d\u00a0 The doctor\u2019s statement came off very harsh. \u00a0Both men nodded their agreement and the three men ascended the stairs.<\/p>\n Once up in Joe\u2019s room, Joe turned to his visitors as they approached.\u00a0 Joe closed his book.\u00a0 \u201cJoseph, we\u2019re going to get you up for a little while.\u201d\u00a0 The doctor stated firmly and walked to Joe\u2019s bedside.<\/p>\n \u201cUp?\u00a0 What do you mean up?\u00a0 It hurts to just lay here let alone to move!\u201d He protested.<\/p>\n \u201cWell, nevertheless you need to get up and sit in a chair.\u00a0 It\u2019s been almost a month without any activity and that\u2019s not good for your circulation.\u201d\u00a0 The doctor pointed to Hoss and Ben to move the frame above Joe\u2019s bed.\u00a0 They took it down and set it in the corner of the room.\u00a0 \u201cGive me your right arm\u2014put it on my shoulder.\u201d\u00a0 The doctor commanded.\u00a0 Joe looked helplessly to his family for help in stopping the doctor\u2019s actions, but they did nothing.\u00a0 He finally gave in and Paul pulled Joe into a seated position on the side of the bed.<\/p>\n Joe\u2019s face flushed with the pain of his movement.\u00a0 Ben fought hard the parental urge to help his son.\u00a0 He had promised Paul not to interfere, but it was extremely difficult.\u00a0 Joe sat on the edge of the bed, his legs dangling.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m cold.\u201d He protested.<\/p>\n He had only his long john bottoms on, no shirt had been allowed over the area of his burn.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m going to get you over to that straight chair.\u00a0 You can straddle it for more support.\u00a0 Then I\u2019ll fix you up with a sheet.\u201d\u00a0 The doctor pulled his patient to a standing position.\u00a0 Joe\u2019s knees felt as though they would buckle under him and he fought the urge to pass out.\u00a0 After a couple of awkward steps, assisted by Doctor Martin, Joe made it to the chair.\u00a0 He sat with his legs straddling the chair and his chin propped on the back of the chair for support.\u00a0 Ben brought over a sheet and placed it lightly over Joe\u2019s shoulders.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m hurting.\u201d\u00a0 Joe said wincing.\u00a0 Paul shot a warning look at Ben and shook his head to prevent his friend from intervening here.\u00a0 \u201cWe\u2019ll get you something in a little while.\u00a0 Hoss, you stay here with your brother and your father and I are going to fix Joe something to eat.\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss nodded and pulled a chair next to his brother as the other two men left the room.\u00a0 Joe shot Hoss an unpleasant look.\u00a0 \u201cC\u2019mon, Joe.\u00a0 You know the sooner you start to move around, the sooner you\u2019ll get better!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWho made you a doctor?\u201d Joe asked with heavy sarcasm in his voice.\u00a0 Hoss ignored Joe\u2019s anger and asked, \u201cYou want me to read to you?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo.\u00a0 I\u2019ll tell you what\u2014I\u2019ll read to YOU!\u00a0 Hand me that book.\u201d\u00a0 Joe pointed over at the book Adam had sent him.\u00a0 Hoss handed it to Joe who then turned to a poem.<\/p>\n \u201cDarkling I listen,<\/em><\/p>\n and for many a time I have been half in love with easeful Death.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n Called him soft names in many a mused rhyme, <\/em><\/p>\n to take into the air my quiet breath.\u00a0 <\/em><\/p>\n Now more than ever seems it rich to die, <\/em><\/p>\n to cease upon the midnight with no pain.\u201d <\/em><\/p>\n <\/p>\n Hoss interrupted his brother.\u00a0<\/strong> \u201cC\u2019mon, Joe\u2014you know you kinda sound as moody as ole Adam!\u201d<\/p>\n Joe looked at Hoss.\u00a0 \u201cMaybe Adam was in pain too!\u201d\u00a0 Joe replied sullenly.<\/p>\n Hoss stared deeply at the person before him.\u00a0 It looked like Joe, but that was where the resemblance stopped.\u00a0 He fought the urge to shake his brother back to reality, back to the brother he loved so dearly.\u00a0 It was then that Ben and Paul returned with Joe\u2019s dinner tray.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m not hungry.\u201d\u00a0 Joe again repeated.<\/p>\n \u201cWell, you can\u2019t have any medicine until you have eaten.\u201d\u00a0 The doctor cautioned his patient.\u00a0 With that statement, Joe reluctantly began to eat.<\/p>\n After Joe had eaten his supper, Hoss helped him back to the bed and Ben and Paul returned to the bureau.\u00a0 Silently Paul showed Ben the syringe and drew only half of a dose of morphine.\u00a0 Ben nodded his understanding.\u00a0 The doctor then administered the shot.\u00a0 Joe settled back and was soon asleep.<\/p>\n For the next several days Joe had begun to stay awake longer, but apparently was in more pain than he had been before.\u00a0 He did end up receiving more injections but they were only partial doses, unbeknownst to him.<\/p>\n Ben and the doctor stood looking down at the sleeping patient.\u00a0 \u201cIt\u2019s not working too well.\u201d\u00a0 Ben said discouraged. \u201cHe\u2019s still getting about as much as he was before we started cutting the dose in half.\u201d<\/p>\n Paul shook his head.\u00a0 \u201cWell, at least he\u2019s not taking more than he was\u2014that\u2019s at least a partial victory.\u00a0 I\u2019d say in another couple of days we\u2019ll cut back even more.\u00a0 His back is looking real good and he is starting to move around more.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHe\u2019s still very weak.\u201d\u00a0 Ben commented with typical worry in his voice.<\/p>\n \u201cThat\u2019s to be expected after all this time in bed.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben put his hand on Paul\u2019s shoulder.\u00a0 \u201cYou look like you could use some coffee.\u00a0 Hoss said you were up late last night bringing in a new patient!\u201d<\/p>\n Paul nodded.\u00a0 \u201cYeah\u2014coffee sounds good, Ben.\u00a0 Let\u2019s get some and then we can do Joe\u2019s treatment before I leave.\u201d<\/p>\n Both men walked out of the room closing the door.\u00a0 Joe lifted his head from the pillow.\u00a0 He had not been sleeping.\u00a0 Now he knew why he was suffering more than usual!\u00a0 How dare they cut back on my medicine, Joe thought to himself.\u00a0 Joe slowly pulled himself up on his knees and then crawled to the end of the bed.\u00a0 He looked across the room where Doc Martin\u2019s medical bag sat on the bureau.\u00a0 Joe somehow summoned the strength to make it over to the bag.\u00a0 He dug through it until he came up with a vial of liquid.\u00a0 He read the label and was pleased that it was morphine.\u00a0 Joe then dug further down in the bag and came up with a syringe.\u00a0 Joe thought again to himself. Well, I guess I\u2019ll just do it myself! If they can play a game with my life then so can I! <\/em>Joe hid the medicine and needle under his nightstand far out of sight.\u00a0 He then crawled back into the bed.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n The next day after Joe had eaten lunch,<\/strong> Ben had given him his normal half-dose injection.\u00a0 Joe settled back.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m really tired, Pa.\u00a0 Think I\u2019ll just sleep awhile.\u00a0 You go on and do whatever you need to do.\u00a0 I\u2019ll be okay.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben rubbed Joe\u2019s arm.\u00a0 \u201cYou sure you don\u2019t want me to stay awhile?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo, really\u2014I\u2019m feeling better already.\u201d\u00a0 Joe tried to give a reassuring smile.\u00a0 Ben was very pleased at his son\u2019s apparent pleasant attitude.\u00a0 Maybe, just maybe, Joe was coming back a little.\u00a0 Or at least that was what Ben had hoped.\u00a0 \u201cOkay, son.\u00a0 But you just call out it you need me.\u201d\u00a0 Ben walked to the door.<\/p>\n \u201cI will.\u201d\u00a0 Joe answered and closed his eyes.\u00a0 As soon as Joe heard his father\u2019s footsteps descending the stairs he arose from his bed.\u00a0 Joe drew out the medicine and the syringe.\u00a0 He had been watching carefully for days how the injection was administered.\u00a0 Joe drew out a full dose and was ready to inject his right arm when he had an uneasy thought. They will be able to tell if I use my arm\u2014they\u2019ll notice it.<\/em> Joe sat thinking hard.\u00a0 He finally decided that the inside of his right thigh would do just as well, and besides, it would be an easier target.<\/p>\n Joe pulled up the right pant leg to his long johns.\u00a0 He drew a breath to ward off what he knew would be painful and then buried the needle into his thigh.\u00a0 Joe slowly pushed the plunger until the medicine was all gone.\u00a0 He then made it over to the bureau where he found rubbing alcohol the doctor had been using.\u00a0 He rinsed the needle off and then hid both the syringe and medicine back under the nightstand.<\/p>\n By the time Joe was back in bed he was feeling the full effects of the morphine.\u00a0 The dose had worked fast and Joe was soon in a deep drug-induced sleep.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cI don\u2019t understand it, Ben.\u201d\u00a0<\/strong> The doctor said his hands rose in gesture.\u00a0 \u201cWe have decreased his morphine for the last week and yet he still seems drugged out.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cMaybe he\u2019s just tired, Paul.\u00a0 You know we\u2019ve been bringing him downstairs every day. He\u2019s also been walking more.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo!\u201d\u00a0 The doctor was adamant. \u00a0\u201cJust look at his eyes, Ben!\u00a0 He still has that sedated look.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhat do you want to do?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cBen, we need to stop the morphine altogether now.\u00a0 Just cut it off!\u00a0 It\u2019s not going to be easy, but we have to do it!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cTell me what to expect.\u201d Ben sat opposite Paul in the living room, his worried gaze looking up towards Joe\u2019s room.<\/p>\n \u201cSome side effects are nausea, mood swings, lack of appetite, restlessness.\u00a0 His body will be resisting the withdrawal.\u00a0 It all just depends on the level of his addiction.\u00a0 There are also some severe stomach cramps that accompany the nausea\u2014and they are usually pretty awful!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWe\u2019ll handle it.\u201d\u00a0 Ben nodded.<\/p>\n \u201cBen\u2014maybe you ought to let me take Joe into town.\u201d\u00a0 The doctor started but Ben cut him off.<\/p>\n \u201cNo!\u00a0 I\u2019m going to take care of him!\u00a0 It\u2019s my fault he\u2019s got to go through all this!\u201d<\/p>\n Paul shook his head adamantly.\u00a0 \u201cBen, there was no other choice and you know it!\u00a0 Don\u2019t blame yourself.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou\u2019re right.\u201d\u00a0 Ben half-nodded unconvinced.<\/p>\n \u201cJoe\u2019s going to be pretty angry, Ben.\u201d\u00a0 The doc warned.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019ll handle that.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOkay then, no time like the present.\u201d\u00a0 The doctor stood and walked toward the stairway.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019ll go and tell him now.\u201d\u00a0 He said and walked up to Joe\u2019s room.<\/p>\n That night Joe lay in his room trying to figure out what to do.\u00a0 He knew he had enough medicine for only maybe two days, and then would be out.\u00a0 There had to be another way to get the drug!\u00a0 The doctor had explained to Joe what would be happening to his body, so Joe knew he would have to pretend to be suffering from the withdrawal.\u00a0 He had asked many questions so he\u2019d know exactly what to do when he was around his family.<\/p>\n Joe came up with an idea and decided to work on it in the morning.<\/p>\n The first day had gone better than Ben ever had expected.\u00a0 Joe was not as combative as the doctor had warned he would be.\u00a0 He did show signs of stomach cramping and Joe had complained about nausea, but it was not as severe as they had initially thought it would be.\u00a0 The doctor wasn\u2019t able to come out the first day due to several patients who needed his help in town.\u00a0 He did make it out the second day and met Joe sitting in the living room.<\/p>\n \u201cHow are you feeling, Joe?\u201d\u00a0 He asked moving over to his patient.<\/p>\n Joe made it a point to avoid the doctor\u2019s eyes.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019ve been pretty sick to my stomach\u2014\u201d Joe began and put his hand over his stomach for effect.<\/p>\n Ben walked in from the kitchen.\u00a0 \u201cHe\u2019s doing good!\u201d\u00a0 Ben smiled as he joined Paul next to Joe.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m feeling kinda dizzy right now.\u201d\u00a0 Joe complained and stood up a little shaky.<\/p>\n \u201cHere\u2014I\u2019ll help you up to your room.\u201d\u00a0 Ben reached for Joe\u2019s elbow.<\/p>\n \u201cNo, I can do it, Pa.\u00a0 Really\u2014I just kinda want to be alone. Okay?\u201d Joe asked quietly.<\/p>\n \u201cSure.\u201d\u00a0 Ben paused.\u00a0 \u201cBut, we\u2019ll be up in a minute to do the last treatment of the night.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe nodded and slowly made it up the stairs.<\/p>\n The doctor stared over at Ben.\u00a0 \u201cHe doesn\u2019t appear to be having as much trouble as I thought that he would.\u201d\u00a0 Paul sounded amazed at Joe\u2019s progress.<\/p>\n \u201cMaybe we\u2019re just lucky.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI hope so, Ben.\u201d\u00a0 The doctor was still suspicious, but didn\u2019t want to discourage his friend at this point.<\/p>\n Joe was sitting on his bed when the two men walked in with all the items needed to do his routine treatment.\u00a0 Joe slowly took off his robe and stretched out on the bed.<\/p>\n As the doctor and Ben worked on Joe\u2019s back he never moved, nor did he in any way groan or show any other ill affect of the treatment.\u00a0 Ben saw the doctor shake his head in total disbelief.\u00a0 The skin had healed greatly, even allowing Joe to wear a light robe now, but, just the same, the treatment should have caused some reasonable discomfort.<\/p>\n \u201cAll done.\u201d\u00a0 Ben smiled and pulled the sheet lightly up to his son\u2019s shoulders.<\/p>\n \u201cYou okay?\u201d Ben asked.<\/p>\n \u201cYeah\u2014just feel a little sick to my stomach\u2014think I\u2019ll just sleep now.\u201d Joe spoke weakly.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019ll see you tomorrow.\u201d\u00a0 The doctor signaled Ben to leave with him and they both walked out of the room and down the stairs.\u00a0 It was then that the doctor finally discussed with Ben his suspicions.\u00a0 \u201cBen, I hate to bring this up, but I have to.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhat?\u201d\u00a0 Ben couldn\u2019t understand what was bothering the doctor.\u00a0 He thought Paul would be more pleased with Joe\u2019s progress.<\/p>\n \u201cBen, Joe is still on morphine.\u201d\u00a0 He said flatly and Ben stood there confused.<\/p>\n \u201cNo! No one has given him anything. Paul!\u00a0 You know we finished that last bottle of morphine and that was it!\u201d\u00a0 Ben protested.<\/p>\n \u201cI didn\u2019t want to say anything until I knew for sure but Ben, I think Joe stole a bottle out of my bag.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhat!\u201d\u00a0 Ben exploded. \u201cWhen\u2014how could he do that?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI don\u2019t know when\u2014I only know that yesterday when I was at the Steven\u2019s ranch I went to get another bottle of morphine out of my bag and it wasn\u2019t there.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThat doesn\u2019t mean Joe has it!\u201d Ben protested again vehemently.<\/p>\n \u201cBen, we just treated Joe\u2019s back and he never as much as flinched!\u00a0 He should have the shakes by now\u2014probably the dry heaves too!\u00a0 But all he complains of is mild nausea!\u00a0 He should be doubled over\u2014not as he was when I walked in here\u2014sitting upright in a chair!\u201d\u00a0 The doctor spoke with uncharacteristic anger at the situation.<\/p>\n Ben sank down into the nearest chair by the fireplace.\u00a0 He put his head in his hands.\u00a0 \u201cYou are saying that Joseph is injecting himself?\u201d He asked in a whisper.<\/p>\n \u201cYes\u2014that\u2019s what I\u2019m saying.\u00a0 And if it\u2019s true then once that medicine is gone, all the things I told you about are going to happen. And, maybe it will be worse since he obviously has been doing this awhile.\u00a0 When we thought we were cutting him back he was increasing his dose.\u00a0 There was a lot of morphine in that bottle.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhat are we going to do now?\u201d\u00a0 Ben seemed desperate.<\/p>\n \u201cNear as I can figure he\u2019s probably been using since we started cutting him back a week ago.\u00a0 That means he probably only has enough for a day or two.\u00a0 Let him go and use it up.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhat!\u201d\u00a0 Ben again exploded.\u00a0 \u201cWe\u2019ve got to go find it!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo\u2014Ben a day is not going to make much difference now.\u00a0 Just keep a real close eye on him and we\u2019ll get back in control once he runs out of the morphine.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI can\u2019t believe he\u2019s injecting himself\u2014\u201d Ben shook his head totally distraught.<\/p>\n \u201cI told you how the addiction takes precedence over everything else.\u00a0 Joe probably doesn\u2019t even feel the shots now.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cSo we just wait?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cGive it one more day\u2014then we\u2019ll have our hands full!\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Joe was running out of morphine<\/strong> but he had it all figured out.\u00a0 His friend Mitch had stopped over for a visit and they now sat in Joe\u2019s room talking.<\/p>\n \u201cI don\u2019t know how I can ever thank you for what you did for Mattie, Joe.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe nodded.\u00a0 \u201cIt\u2019s okay. I have been hurting an awful lot though.\u00a0 You know that burn isn\u2019t healing very well.\u201d\u00a0 Joe said and winced as he sat down on the bed.<\/p>\n \u201cAren\u2019t they giving you anything for pain?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThat\u2019s the problem.\u00a0 Pa and the doctor want me to just tough it out.\u00a0 If they only knew how bad it hurts.\u201d\u00a0 Joe\u2019s eyes glazed over with tears.\u00a0 Mitch reached out and touched his friend\u2019s arm.\u00a0 \u201cYou want me to talk to your pa?\u201d\u00a0 Mitch offered trying to help his injured friend.<\/p>\n Joe shook his head and wiped his eyes.\u00a0 \u201cHe won\u2019t listen. You know just because he can handle everything, he thinks that I can too.\u00a0 But I\u2019ll tell you, Mitch, no one knows how bad it is\u2014\u201d Joe trailed off and looked down at the floor sadly.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat can I do, Joe? You know you are my best friend\u2014always have been\u2014what do you want me to do?\u00a0 Just name it!\u201d<\/p>\n That was exactly what Joe hoped and also expected to hear.\u00a0 He stood and walked over to his bureau.\u00a0 He reached for his money stash buried in his sock drawer. He turned back to his friend purposefully walking very gingerly back to the bed.<\/p>\n \u201cHere\u2019s two hundred dollars.\u00a0 If you really want to help me you\u2019ll get me some more morphine.\u201d\u00a0 Joe said handing Mitch the money.<\/p>\n \u201cBut where, Joe?\u00a0 It\u2019s not like I can go to Doc Martin \u201ccause he\u2019s agreeing with your pa.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI met a doctor\u2014his name is Cole Wilson\u2014when I was in Genoa last summer.\u00a0 Seems he has fallen on some hard times and spends most of his time in the bar at the end of town.\u00a0 I know he would sell it to you.\u00a0 Get as much as you can\u2014and some of those syringes too!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cIs it safe you injecting yourself?\u201d\u00a0 Mitch asked worried at the thought.<\/p>\n \u201cYeah\u2014Mitch. I don\u2019t take much\u2014just enough to take the edge off, you know?\u201d<\/p>\n Mitch folded the money and put it inside his vest pocket.<\/p>\n \u201cMitch, can you get it by tomorrow night?\u201d\u00a0 Joe asked eagerly.<\/p>\n Mitch nodded.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019ll tell my pa that I\u2019ll be riding line tonight and head on out.\u00a0 You want me to bring it up here?\u201d<\/p>\n Joe shook his head adamantly. \u201cNo\u2014if Pa finds out he\u2019ll get rid of it. Do you remember my hiding place in the barn?\u00a0 You know where we use to hide things we didn\u2019t want Adam or Hoss to know about when we were kids?\u201d<\/p>\n Mitch thought back in his mind and the remembered a loose board behind Cochise\u2019s stall.\u00a0 \u201cYeah, Joe. I remember.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cIf you\u2019ll just put it there\u2014then whenever I need it I can go get it.\u201d<\/p>\n Mitch stood and nodded.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019ll head out.\u00a0 Everything goes okay and I\u2019ll have it here by tomorrow night.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe smiled.\u00a0 \u201cThanks, Mitch.\u00a0 You\u2019re a good friend.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYeah\u2014well you got hurt because of Mattie\u2014I owe you a lot!\u201d<\/p>\n Joe watched his friend leave and was pleased at how easy it had been.\u00a0 He was soon asleep looking forward to the next day.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n It was two a.m. that morning<\/strong> and Joe awakened having slept very restlessly.\u00a0 The need for the painkiller pulled Joe back into reality.\u00a0 He moved over to his hiding place under the nightstand and lit the lamp next to the bed.\u00a0 Joe studied the bottle.\u00a0 There was less than a half of a dose left.\u00a0 Joe frowned and drew the remaining morphine into the syringe.\u00a0 As in the past, Joe drew up the right leg of his long johns and injected himself.<\/p>\n Joe wondered how long the small shot would last.\u00a0 There would be a long wait until his friend would be back with the drugs he so desperately needed.\u00a0 Joe stretched back out on the bed after hiding the empty bottle and the needle.<\/p>\n The next day Ben watched his youngest son closely.\u00a0 From what the doctor had said, Joe should be showing some real signs of withdrawal.\u00a0 It had taken a lot of persuasion to coax Joe downstairs and he had only just toyed with the eggs on his plate at breakfast.\u00a0 By afternoon, Joe had started to show signs of the beginning of withdrawal.<\/p>\n He sat on the hearth shaking.<\/p>\n \u201cYou cold, son?\u201d\u00a0 Ben asked sitting in his blue chair next to Joe.\u00a0 Joe pulled his robe closer around him.\u00a0 \u201cNo, Pa, I\u2019m fine.\u201d He stammered.<\/p>\n Ben reached over and touched his son\u2019s forehead.\u00a0 It felt both cold and somewhat clammy.\u00a0 Ben felt both pleased and apprehensive in what he was seeing displayed on his son\u2019s face.\u00a0 It was no doubt this time; Joe had run out of his stolen morphine and had started the painful withdrawal process.<\/p>\n \u201cCan I get you something for lunch?\u201d Ben asked and Joe shook his head\u2014the thought of food making him feel more nauseous than he already was.\u201d Think I\u2019ll go lay down.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe whispered moving over to the stairs.\u00a0 As he reached the bottom step Joe doubled over in pain.\u00a0 His father was quickly at his side and knelt down next to him. \u201cI think I\u2019m gonna be sick.\u201d Joe stated weakly holding his stomach.\u00a0 Ben helped Joe up and over to the sofa. Joe stretched out, but once more felt the stabbing abdominal pain. He curled into the fetal position.<\/p>\n Ben quickly made it to the kitchen.\u00a0 He grabbed a cloth and soaked it in cool water and he found a basin to carry back to Joe.\u00a0 He made it back to the sofa and placed the cloth on Joe\u2019s forehead.\u00a0 \u201cIt\u2019ll be okay, Joe.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cPa\u2014my gut\u2019s killing me!\u201d\u00a0 Joe cried.\u00a0 Minutes later Joe leaned over and his stomach emptied its contents into the basin.\u00a0 Ben stroked the back of Joe\u2019s head and helped him settle back down.\u00a0 Joe turned away from his father and buried his face in the back cushion of the sofa.\u00a0 \u201cTry to sleep, son.\u201d\u00a0 Ben whispered and covered Joe with a blanket to help with the violent shaking and chills he was experiencing.<\/p>\n Hoss entered the ranch house around six o\u2019clock that evening. \u00a0Ben walked in from the kitchen to greet him.\u00a0 \u201cHello, son.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHow\u2019s it going, Pa?\u201d\u00a0 He asked shrugging himself out of his huge coat.<\/p>\n \u201cJoe\u2019s been pretty sick\u2014he\u2019s upstairs sleeping.\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss walked over to the dining room table as Hop Sing set out a platter of chicken.\u00a0 He took his seat next to his father.\u00a0 \u201cGuess he\u2019s finally out of morphine, huh?\u201d<\/p>\n Ben nodded.\u00a0 \u201cIt\u2019s gonna get worse before it gets better, from what the doctor said.\u201d\u00a0 Ben replied grimly.<\/p>\n \u201cYou want me to take him up some supper, pa?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHe probably couldn\u2019t keep anything down right now.\u00a0 Let\u2019s just let him sleep.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe woke up the next time with a sudden start.\u00a0 He sat up in bed and looked at the clock by his bed.\u00a0 It was just after nine o\u2019clock.\u00a0 His first thought was to whether his friend had made it back with what he needed now more than anything!<\/p>\n Joe dressed this time in shirt, pants, and boots. He had to get out to the barn.\u00a0 Both Ben and Hoss were surprised to see Joe come down the stairs.\u00a0 They had thought he\u2019d sleep all evening, and seeing him fully dressed, was something they hadn\u2019t expected.<\/p>\n \u201cJoseph\u2014\u201d Ben paused sitting down his coffee and heading for the stairs.\u00a0 \u201cHow are you feeling?\u201d<\/p>\n Joe looked down and replied solemnly, \u201cI think I could use some air, Pa.\u201d\u00a0 Ben nodded and watched Joe slowly make it to the front door.<\/p>\n \u201cWant some company?\u201d\u00a0 Hoss called over to his brother.\u00a0 Joe shook his head.<\/p>\n \u201cNo, Hoss.\u00a0 Think I\u2019m gonna be sick again.\u00a0 Just leave me be for awhile.\u201d Joe left closing the front door.<\/p>\n \u201cYou want me to go out after him?\u201d\u00a0 Hoss asked approaching his father.<\/p>\n \u201cNo\u2014let\u2019s give him a couple of minutes.\u00a0 He\u2019s probably just embarrassed right now.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe made it across the front yard and anxiously opened the barn door.\u00a0 He walked to where his horse stood pawing the ground for attention.\u00a0 \u201cHi, Cooch.\u201d\u00a0 Joe said patting the pinto\u2019s neck affectionately.\u00a0 He then walked to the far end of the stall.\u00a0 Joe pushed at the loose board that was about two feet from the floor.\u00a0 The board pushed forward and Joe\u2019s eyes fell on a bag.<\/p>\n \u201cThanks, Mitch\u201d Joe muttered to himself.\u00a0 He carefully drew open the bag and found three full bottles of morphine and several syringes.\u00a0 Joe was quick to draw up a full dose and this time did not wait to pull up his pant leg.\u00a0 Instead Joe rolled up the sleeve to his right arm.\u00a0 He plunged the needle into the fold of his elbow.\u00a0 The injection hurt far worse than before! The morphine seemed to burn as it went in under the skin.\u00a0 None of that mattered.\u00a0 Joe had gotten what he had needed all day.\u00a0 Joe put the medicine and the needle back inside the bag and back behind the loose board.<\/p>\n Joe slowly left the barn and the medicine was already taking over by the time he entered the house.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m okay.\u201d Joe said quietly and walked back over to the stairs.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m going to bed.\u201d\u00a0 Joe climbed the stairs to his room.<\/p>\n Hoss and Ben stared at each other bewildered.\u00a0 \u201cHe didn\u2019t stay out long.\u201d\u00a0 Hoss remarked and Ben just shrugged his shoulders.\u00a0 \u201cMaybe the strain of what he has been through today wore him out.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cMaybe.\u201d\u00a0 Hoss replied but had an uneasy feeling.<\/p>\n Joe lay on the bed staring toward the ceiling.\u00a0 He hadn\u2019t slept on his back since the fire.\u00a0 But it didn\u2019t hurt this night.\u00a0 He felt good, real good.\u00a0 A smile drifted across Joe\u2019s face.\u00a0 Everything would be okay now.\u00a0 There was plenty of morphine\u2014enough for a couple of weeks.\u00a0 Then he had planned to send Mitch out again for more supplies.<\/p>\n Joe drifted off into a drug-induced sleep.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Three days after he had received<\/strong> the morphine from Mitch, Doctor Martin had come for a visit.\u00a0 He had examined Joe thoroughly.\u00a0 Afterwards, he left Joe upstairs and met with Ben in the living room.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat do you think?\u201d\u00a0 Ben worriedly asked.<\/p>\n Doc Martin sat down stiffly in a chair.\u00a0 \u201cThree days ago you said Joe had all the symptoms.\u00a0 That he even had begun the stomach cramping and vomiting.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYes.\u201d\u00a0 Ben sat opposite Paul.\u00a0 \u201cBut the last two days have gone uneventfully.\u00a0 He seems relaxed and I\u2019ve seen no other symptoms.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWell, that\u2019s because he is still on morphine.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhat!\u201d Ben exclaimed.\u00a0 \u201cHow could he\u2014he used up the bottle you said he stole.\u00a0 What\u2014did he steal another one?\u201d\u00a0 Ben asked angrily.<\/p>\n Paul stood and shook his head.\u00a0 \u201cNot from me!\u00a0 And from what you\u2019ve said, he had run out or he wouldn\u2019t have been sick to his stomach.\u00a0 No, Ben, he had to get it elsewhere.\u00a0 He hasn\u2019t left the ranch has he?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo.\u201d\u00a0 Ben said adamantly.\u00a0 \u201cWhat can we do now?\u00a0 Maybe I should go through everything in this house to try to find where he has it hidden.\u201d\u00a0 Ben was now irate.<\/p>\n \u201cCalm down, Ben.\u00a0 We\u2019ll find it.\u00a0 But there\u2019s an easier way.\u201d<\/p>\n Just then Hoss came in from the kitchen.\u00a0 He had heard most of the conversation.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019ll get it out of him!\u201d\u00a0 Hoss said madly. \u201cI\u2019ll go up there and beat it out of him!\u201d<\/p>\n Ben shot Hoss a warning look.\u00a0 \u201cYou\u2019ll do no such thing!\u201d<\/p>\n Paul cleared his throat to draw attention back to the original problem.\u00a0 \u201cWe can figure this out it you would both calm down.\u201d\u00a0 Hoss frowned and sat down next to Ben.<\/p>\n \u201cNow, you\u2019ve been watching him. I\u2019m pretty sure you can think about it and come up with at least when he is taking the injections.\u00a0 Do you think it\u2019s in his room\u2014or do you think he has it hid somewhere else?\u00a0 When do you notice a change in his attitude?\u00a0 Mornings\u2014evenings?\u201d<\/p>\n The two Cartwrights thought over all of the doctor\u2019s questions.\u00a0 Hoss was the first to speak up.\u00a0 \u201cPa\u2014you know that day when you said Joe had been so sick?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYes\u2014the day he was starting the withdrawal\u2014what about it?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cRemember how bad he looked when he walked outside that night?\u201d\u00a0 Hoss continued.<\/p>\n \u201cYeah\u2014what are you getting at?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHe was feeling a lot better when he came back in! And remember how peacefully he was sleeping that night when we checked on him?\u201d<\/p>\n Ben thought for a few minutes.\u00a0 \u201cHe must have gone outside and gotten the morphine. I still don\u2019t know where he got it from\u2014but I think you are right, son.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYeah\u2014and yesterday I ran into him\u00a0coming out of the barn.\u00a0 You were in town at the time.\u00a0 When I asked what he was doing he said he was just talking to Cochise.\u00a0 He acted real nervous too!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019s in the barn.\u201d\u00a0 Ben said flatly.<\/p>\n \u201cPa, we could take the whole barn apart and still not find it\u2014we\u2019ll have to follow Joe.\u201d<\/p>\n The doctor nodded.\u00a0 \u201cI think that\u2019s a good idea.\u00a0 Don\u2019t let him know you are on to him!\u00a0 He may end up moving the morphine if he thinks you\u2019ve found out.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHe usually goes out around dinner time. Pa.\u201d Hoss reminded.<\/p>\n Ben nodded and looked up to Joe\u2019s room.\u00a0 \u201cWe\u2019ll get it tonight.\u201d He replied.<\/p>\n \u201cHe\u2019s going to be out of control when he realizes that you know.\u00a0 You\u2019d better be careful!\u201d\u00a0 The doctor turned to leave. \u201cI\u2019ll be back in the morning. Then we\u2019ll have to make some decisions.\u201d\u00a0 The doctor left the two Cartwrights deep in thought.<\/p>\n After supper that evening, Joe stood from his seat on the hearth and announced he wanted to get some air.\u00a0 Joe fought the strong urge to run out of the house, he needed the morphine more than ever that evening.\u00a0 Instead, to keep up his front, he slowly made it outside.<\/p>\n \u201cYou want me to go, Pa?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo\u2014\u201d Ben stood.\u00a0 \u201cI need to do this.\u201d\u00a0 Ben sounded both mad and apprehensive.\u00a0 He headed out to the barn wondering what he\u2019d find there.<\/p>\n Joe had drawn up a large dose in the syringe and had plunged it into his right arm just as Ben appeared at the end of the stall.<\/p>\n \u201cJoseph!\u201d\u00a0 Ben exploded in horror at the sight before him.\u00a0 Joe pushed the plunger releasing the dose into his arm before Ben made it over to him.\u00a0 Ben pulled the syringe out of Joe\u2019s hand and threw it to the ground.\u00a0 He grabbed Joe by the shoulders roughly.\u00a0 \u201cWhat the Hell are you doing!\u201d\u00a0 Ben yelled shaking him forcefully.<\/p>\n \u201cLeave me alone!\u201d\u00a0 Joe screamed.<\/p>\n Ben reached down and grabbed the bag at Joe\u2019s feet.\u00a0 He was aghast to find three bottles of the vile drug.\u00a0 Ben dropped them to the barn floor and stomped them with his boot heel crushing each one.<\/p>\n \u201cNo!\u201d\u00a0 Joe yelled scrambling toward the floor.\u00a0 Ben drew Joe up and pushed him against the wall.\u00a0 \u201cWhere did you get it?\u00a0 Tell me!\u201d\u00a0 He demanded.\u00a0 Joe refused to answer.\u00a0 Ben shook Joe again.\u00a0 \u201cWhat did you do \u2014steal it?\u00a0 Just like you stole it from Doc Martin?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI told you I needed something for pain\u2014but you didn\u2019t care \u2014so I got it on my own!\u201d Joe countered back angrily.<\/p>\n \u201cYou are not doing this anymore!\u00a0 Do you understand me?\u00a0 Do you?\u201d\u00a0 Ben shook Joe again by the shoulders becoming more and more angry.\u00a0 \u201cAnswer me, Joseph!\u201d He demanded.<\/p>\n \u201cWhy?\u00a0 It was okay when YOU were giving it to me! When YOU were up in my room giving me shot after shot!\u201d\u00a0 Joe answered with a tone of sarcasm in his response.<\/p>\n Ben backhanded Joe across the face, his anger unleashed by what his son had said to him.<\/p>\n He looked at Joe who hadn\u2019t even turned from the slap.\u00a0 As if he hadn\u2019t even felt it.\u00a0 Ben\u2019s heart sank in his chest.\u00a0 As many times as he had admonished Hoss for wanting to lash out at Joe angrily, and here he, himself, had let his temper take control.<\/p>\n Ben grabbed Joe\u2019s shoulders again.\u00a0 But this time with less intensity.\u00a0 \u201cIt\u2019s over, Joseph. No more morphine. You are getting off it now.\u201d Ben tried to control the shaking in his own voice.<\/p>\n Joe sank down out of his father\u2019s hold and sat on the floor of the stall.\u00a0 He wrapped his arms around his legs and put his head down to his knees.\u00a0 The morphine had taken over.\u00a0 He had not even felt the fierce slap to his left cheek.\u00a0 And, had it been at any other time in his life, Joe would have been destroyed by Ben\u2019s anger towards him.\u00a0 Instead, now, Joe didn\u2019t even care. He was much more upset by the broken bottles of morphine than by anything Ben had said or done.<\/p>\n Hoss stepped into the doorway of the barn.\u00a0 He had witnessed the scene between his father and his brother.\u00a0 \u201cPa.\u201d He said quietly.\u00a0 Ben was now kneeling next to Joe; he turned to face Hoss.\u00a0 \u201cHelp me get him inside.\u201d\u00a0 Ben said and Hoss could see the tears that streamed from his father\u2019s eyes.<\/p>\n The doctor had come back out later that night.\u00a0 He had been concerned about what kind of confrontation would transpire between the Cartwrights once they found where Joe had hidden the drugs.<\/p>\n Joe was in a deep sleep.\u00a0 The dose he had injected had almost been a lethal one.<\/p>\n Doc Martin checked out the injection site, which had already turned into a deep bruise.\u00a0 Knowing that there had to be other new injection sites, other than the two he had found on the inside of Joe\u2019s right arm, the doctor did a thorough examination.\u00a0 Ben watched as Paul drew up the right leg of Joe\u2019s long johns and felt he would be physically ill when he saw the numerous scars the syringe had left.\u00a0 \u201cWell\u2014he picked a good place to hide it.\u201d\u00a0 Paul said ironically and applied some ointment to the dotted marks on Joe\u2019s inner thigh.<\/p>\n The doctor also treated Joe\u2019s right arm and then covered his patient. He turned to Ben who seemed very pale and drawn.\u00a0 \u201cMy advice is to get him admitted to a hospital that deals with handling withdrawal.\u00a0 There\u2019s an excellent one in San Francisco.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben sat on the side of Joe\u2019s bed and stared at the redness that now covered Joe\u2019s left cheek.\u00a0 He hated what he had done to his youngest son.\u00a0 He hated what had brought Joe to this point.\u00a0 He hated himself for being a part of causing the addiction.\u00a0 \u201cNo. Joseph is not going anywhere.\u00a0 I am going to get him through this, Paul.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cBen, you are too close.\u00a0 You love him too much to be objective.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cTell me what to do and I\u2019ll do it.\u00a0 Whatever it takes.\u201d\u00a0 Ben pleaded.<\/p>\n \u201cBen, you know Joe is not in his right mind now!\u00a0 He is so severely addicted that he could be dangerous!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019ll handle it.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cBen\u2014if you don\u2019t care about yourself think about Hoss!\u00a0 I\u2019m telling you no-one is safe from the violence that\u2019s going to take over your son once he realizes that there\u2019s no getting that drug!\u201d<\/p>\n Ben nodded.\u00a0 \u201cI have already thought about that.\u00a0 There\u2019s a line shack up by the northeast pasture.\u00a0 It\u2019s so remote that it\u2019s twenty five miles from anything.\u00a0 I\u2019ll take Joe up there.\u201d<\/p>\n The doctor interrupted, \u201cWhat makes you think he won\u2019t try to run off?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cBecause I\u2019ll have Hoss drop Joe and I off \u2014there\u2019ll be no way out.\u201d<\/p>\n The doctor sighed deeply.\u00a0 \u201cThis is against my better judgment\u2014but if you are dead set on it\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI am.\u201d\u00a0 Ben cut the doctor off.<\/p>\n \u201cOkay, Ben.\u00a0 I\u2019ll get you some things that you\u2019ll need.\u00a0 You\u2019ll need some medicine for the nausea\u2014and you are going to need some restraints!\u201d\u00a0 The doctor was adamant now.<\/p>\n \u201cRestraints?\u00a0 Why?\u201d\u00a0 Ben couldn\u2019t even comprehend the thought of tying his son.<\/p>\n \u201cBecause he is going to be violent for at least a couple of days.\u00a0 Ben, I\u2019ve tried to tell you \u2014this is not going to be a pretty sight!\u00a0 Between the cramping, vomiting, and the shakes, he will be trying to get out and get morphine at any cost!\u00a0 You will not be his father.\u00a0 In Joe\u2019s mind you will be the enemy\u2014the one who is keeping him from what he needs.\u201d<\/p>\n The same hand that earlier had reeled out in anger, was the same hand that now softly stroked the red marks on his son\u2019s face.\u00a0 \u201cWhatever I have to do.\u00a0 Whatever it takes.\u201d\u00a0 Ben repeated again.<\/p>\n Doc Martin closed his bag and turned toward the door.\u00a0 He had hoped he could have convinced Ben that Joe needed to be in a hospital.\u00a0 Paul looked back at the scene taking place where Joe lay in a drug induced sleep.\u00a0 Father and son, both sharing the same pain.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019ll be back first thing in the morning with what you\u2019ll need.\u00a0 Joe\u2019s going to sleep a long while.\u00a0 I suggest you get some too.\u00a0 Tomorrow is going to be a long day.\u201d\u00a0 Ben looked over at the doctor and nodded.<\/p>\n Hoss was very distraught upon hearing his father\u2019s plan.\u00a0 He had seen the intensity between Joe and Ben the night before and knew that it would pale in comparison to what was to come.\u00a0 Hoss had helped place Joe in the back of the buckboard\u2014his brother still in a deep sleep.\u00a0 The drive was a long one out to the desolate cabin in the far woods.<\/p>\n When they finally arrived they both went into action setting things up in the cabin. Moving in all the supplies and then making up the two beds that sat at opposite ends in the one room cabin.\u00a0 It was then that Ben carried Joe inside and placed him on one of the beds.\u00a0 Hoss looked around the room.\u00a0 It was pretty barren.\u00a0 Two beds and a small table with two chairs and a wood stove sat in the middle of the cabin.\u00a0 Hoss reached into the bag they had received that morning from Doctor Martin.\u00a0 He pulled out the two leather restraints.\u00a0 \u201cHere.\u201d\u00a0 Hoss called to Ben who turned from Joe.<\/p>\n \u201cNot just yet.\u201d\u00a0 Ben replied and moved over to Hoss.<\/p>\n \u201cPa\u2014Dad bern it!\u00a0 If you don\u2019t do it then I will!\u201d\u00a0 Hoss was uncharacteristically harsh in his tone of voice.<\/p>\n \u201cHe\u2019s still sleeping.\u201d Ben complained.<\/p>\n \u201cYeah\u2014well then it\u2019s a good time then ain\u2019t it?\u201d\u00a0 Hoss persisted.\u00a0 Ben reached for the straps.\u00a0 The thought of what they would be used for tore at his heart.<\/p>\n \u201cNow, Pa.\u00a0 I\u2019ve gone along with all this even though I\u2019m dead set against it.\u00a0 I\u2019m worried about you.\u201d Hoss paused and reached over and touched Bens\u2019 shoulder.\u00a0 \u201cThat may be my little brother\u2019s body laying over there, but it sure ain\u2019t his mind inside of it! I don\u2019t want anything to happen to you!\u201d\u00a0 Hoss was quieter now and his voice sounded as though it would break.<\/p>\n \u201cOkay.\u201d\u00a0 Ben conceded. \u201cI promise I\u2019ll take every precaution.\u00a0 Don\u2019t worry, son.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou still want me to wait for five days before coming back?\u201d<\/p>\n Ben again nodded.\u00a0 \u201cBy then the fight should be out of him.\u00a0 I want him to know that there\u2019s no means of escape.\u00a0 If you were here, I\u2019m afraid he might try something.\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss frowned at the thought but Ben put his arm around his son\u2019s strong shoulder.\u00a0 \u201cYou go on now, Hoss.\u00a0 It\u2019ll be okay.\u00a0 The next time you\u2019re here we\u2019ll have the worst of it over.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201dBe careful, Pa.\u201d\u00a0 Hoss all but pleaded.\u00a0 He turned and walked out of the cabin and against his better judgment returned to the ranch house.<\/p>\n Joe had stayed deep in sleep for several hours.\u00a0 Ben knew what he had promised Hoss and reluctantly secured Joe\u2019s wrists to the two bed posts.\u00a0 Joe had not even stirred throughout the process.\u00a0 Ben sat at the small table in the center of the room and sipped at his coffee deep in thought.\u00a0 He wondered if he would be able to handle the next couple of days.<\/p>\n It was very late in the afternoon that Joe started to stir.\u00a0 Unconsciously he pulled at the restraints, which held tightly to his wrists.\u00a0 Slowly light and dim reality pierced his eyes.\u00a0 Joe blinked hard several times before the scene in the room came into full view.\u00a0 Ben sat next to Joe on the bed.\u00a0 \u201cIt\u2019s okay, Joseph.\u201d\u00a0 He whispered quietly.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat\u2019s this\u2014what are you doing?\u201d\u00a0 Joe panicked as he fought to free himself.<\/p>\n \u201cSettle down, son.\u201d\u00a0 Ben continued talking calmly.<\/p>\n \u201cWhere am I?\u00a0 What are you doing to me?\u201d\u00a0 Joe cried.<\/p>\n \u201cDo you remember that line shack way up in the northeast section of the ranch? The one that is the farthest from town?\u201d\u00a0 Ben explained.<\/p>\n Joe\u2019s eyes shot around the room.\u00a0 \u201cWhy? Why did you bring me here? \u00a0Why am I tied?\u201d\u00a0 Joe demanded.<\/p>\n Ben cleared his throat trying to come up with the right words.\u00a0 \u201cJoseph, we are going to get the morphine out of your system.\u00a0 This is the only way.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe struggled again at the restraints trying to free his wrists.\u00a0 \u201cLet me go!\u201d\u00a0 He yelled angrily.<\/p>\n \u201cI can\u2019t do that.\u00a0 And the more you strain at those straps the worse it\u2019s going to hurt.\u201d\u00a0 Ben warned.<\/p>\n Joe settled back trying to think of something, anything, to change his father\u2019s mind and force his release.\u00a0 \u201cPa\u2014please.\u201d\u00a0 Joe closed his eyes and tears fell out from their corners.<\/p>\n Ben stood and looked down at his son.\u00a0 \u201cTears won\u2019t work, Joseph.\u00a0 Nor will threats or anything else you have in mind.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe\u2019s eyes flashed back open a wild violent look taking over Joe\u2019s countenance.\u00a0 \u201cYou have no right to do this!\u201d\u00a0 He screamed.<\/p>\n \u201cI have EVERY right!\u201d\u00a0 Ben returned sternly.\u00a0 \u201cYou are my son and I am going to get this poison out of your system.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cReal funny, Pa!\u201d Joe laughed bitterly.\u00a0 \u201cReal funny since you were the one who put it in me to begin with!\u00a0 Or don\u2019t you remember that?\u201d\u00a0 Joe was once again yelling.<\/p>\n Ben nodded his head solemnly.\u00a0 \u201cYes, son.\u00a0 I remember.\u00a0 But I did it to save your life.\u00a0 Now you are doing it to kill yourself.\u201d\u00a0 Ben turned away from Joe and sat back down at the table.\u00a0 Ben poured another cup of coffee and brought it over to his son.\u00a0 \u201cHere\u2014have something to drink, It might help.\u201d\u00a0 Ben placed the cup to Joe\u2019s mouth.<\/p>\n \u201cNo!\u201d\u00a0 Joe said bitterly. \u201cI don\u2019t want anything from you!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cSuit yourself.\u201d\u00a0 Ben replied calmly even though his stomach churned at the anger displayed by his youngest son.\u00a0 \u201cTell you what, you let me know when you want something\u2014okay?\u201d<\/p>\n Joe laughed again bitterly.\u00a0 \u201cI already told you what I want!\u00a0 I want you to let me go!\u201d<\/p>\n Ben didn\u2019t reply.\u00a0 He sat calmly down at the table and casually thumbed through a book he had brought from the ranch.\u00a0 He tried his best to look unconcerned but didn\u2019t know if Joe could read his face and know the anguish he was causing.<\/p>\n The first day and night were over and the next morning shone in from the cabin\u2019s one window.\u00a0 Ben stood from his bunk and stretched.\u00a0 He restoked the wood stove and readied the morning coffee.\u00a0 Then he turned his attention toward his son.\u00a0 Joe looked awful.\u00a0 Sweat dotted his face and pooled into the hollow of his neck.\u00a0 His eyes seemed glazed and there were deep circles under them.<\/p>\n Joe had not slept.\u00a0 He tossed and turned most of the night resisting any help from his father.\u00a0 Ben wet a towel with cool water and placed it on Joe\u2019s forehead.\u00a0 \u201cI know it\u2019s hurting, son, but you are another day closer to this being over.\u201d\u00a0 Ben spoke soothingly.\u00a0 Joe closed his eyes and choked out the words.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m thirsty.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben turned from the bed, filled a cup with water, and brought it back to Joe.\u00a0 He helped lift Joe\u2019s head and brought the cup up to his lips.\u00a0 Joe drank the full contents and then let his head fall back on the pillow.<\/p>\n \u201cDo you think you could eat something?\u201d\u00a0 Ben asked sitting back down next to his son.<\/p>\n \u201cNot if you are gonna feed me.\u00a0 Untie my hands and I\u2019ll eat.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben frowned at Joe\u2019s statement.\u00a0 He knew it was yet another attempt to be set free.\u00a0 \u201cNot just yet, Joseph.\u00a0 But I\u2019ll untie your left hand so you can feed yourself.\u201d\u00a0 Ben countered and walked over to fix breakfast.<\/p>\n Joe\u2019s mind flashed wildly.\u00a0 Yes, he felt if he could have one hand free that he could easily get the other one freed as well.\u00a0 Then he would be able to escape the prison his father had created.<\/p>\n It didn\u2019t take long before Ben was back with a plate with eggs and biscuits on it.\u00a0 Ben sat on the bed next to Joe and slowly untied Joe\u2019s left hand.\u00a0 He handed Joe the plate.\u00a0 Joe\u2019s mind raced now as to how to undo the other restraint, but Ben all but read his thoughts.<\/p>\n \u201cNow, I\u2019m going to sit here and watch you eat.\u00a0 You make one move at that other hand and you will be sorry.\u201d Joe frowned and slowly began to eat.\u00a0 After he had eaten as much as he could get down, Joe handed the plate to his father.\u00a0 Ben set it on the floor and reached for Joe\u2019s untied wrist.\u00a0 Joe pulled away, struggling against his father.\u00a0 Ben\u2019s strength won out, especially in Joe\u2019s weakened condition.\u00a0 Once more, the left restraint was back in place.\u00a0 \u201cYou are only making things harder on yourself.\u201d\u00a0 Ben said turning back to the stove.<\/p>\n By midnight on the second day, Ben had his hands full.\u00a0 Joe had spent most of the afternoon screaming in pain.\u00a0 The one meal that he had eaten at breakfast had come up and he was at the point where he could keep nothing down.\u00a0 Ben had dosed him with the nausea medicine and that, too, had come up.\u00a0 Ben continued to put cool compresses on Joe\u2019s forehead all day and night.\u00a0 Joe writhed in pain doubling up so that his knees were pressed against his chest.\u00a0 This was agony.\u00a0 Agony for Joe and agony for Ben.<\/p>\n \u201cPa\u2014please.\u201d\u00a0 Came Joe\u2019s sobs.\u00a0 \u201cPlease help me.\u201d\u00a0 He begged over and over again.\u00a0 Ben had to fight off the strong urge to release Joe\u2019s restraints and hold him close.<\/p>\n \u201cDamn morphine.\u201d\u00a0 Ben muttered bitterly as he once again filled the water basin.\u00a0 To have to stand by and watch his son hurting so horribly was worse than anything Ben had ever endured.\u00a0 And Joe, between screams for help, lashed out at his father with terrible threats.\u00a0 Numerous times, he spoke of how he hated his father and how he wished that Ben had just let him die from his burns.<\/p>\n Ben took this all internally.\u00a0 If it had not been for his deep faith, he could not have endured the terrible situation he and his son were now prisoners to.<\/p>\n On the third day, there was an odd calm to the room.\u00a0 Joe seemed to have a little less pain and the deep intensity of his stare had smoldered to that of a sad little boy.\u00a0 Ben noticed how helpless his son now looked.\u00a0 He had only whimpered during the early morning hours, the night of intense screaming long since past.<\/p>\n \u201cPa?\u201d\u00a0 Joe called quietly and Ben was quickly next to him.\u00a0 \u201cPa\u2014can I have some water?\u201d<\/p>\n His request came off with the innocence of a child.\u00a0 Ben brought the cup up to Joe\u2019s mouth and Joe accepted the full contents of it.\u00a0 \u201cThanks, Pa.\u201d\u00a0 Joe said settling back.<\/p>\n Those few words touched Ben deeply.\u00a0 Maybe Joe was coming back.\u00a0 Maybe the worst was now over.\u00a0 Ben ran his hand through Joe\u2019s hair affectionately.\u00a0 \u201cHow are you feeling, son?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cBetter, Pa.\u201d\u00a0 Joe nodded slightly.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m sorry for putting you through all of this.\u201d\u00a0 Joe apologized as a stray tear fell from his eye.<\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019s okay, Joe.\u201d\u00a0 Ben patted Joe\u2019s shoulder.\u00a0 Joe winced and looked up at his wrists.\u00a0 \u201cThey kinda hurt, Pa.\u00a0 Could you maybe take one off and look at it?\u00a0 I promise I won\u2019t move.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben reached first for Joe\u2019s left hand and undid the restraint.\u00a0 He stared at the redness, which surrounded Joe\u2019s wrist.\u00a0 \u201cI have some ointment I could put on it.\u201d\u00a0 Ben offered.<\/p>\n \u201cCould you just rub it a little, Pa?\u00a0 Kinda get the circulation back into it?\u201d\u00a0 Joe asked softly.\u00a0 Ben massaged the wrist for a few minutes and then Joe put it back up toward the bedpost.\u00a0 \u201cIt\u2019s okay now, Pa.\u00a0 You can tie it back up.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben looked at Joe and the innocence of his face, the intense anger of previous days having evaporated.\u00a0 \u201cLet\u2019s get the other one down first.\u201d\u00a0 Ben untied Joe\u2019s right wrist and looked at it. It wasn\u2019t as red as the left one but Ben massaged it as well.<\/p>\n \u201cThanks, Pa.\u00a0 That\u2019s better.\u00a0 My arms were hurting.\u201d\u00a0 Joe whispered.\u00a0 His eyes slowly began to close.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m so tired all of a sudden.\u201d\u00a0 Joe struggled to keep his eyes open.<\/p>\n \u201cYou just sleep, son.\u00a0 You haven\u2019t had much rest the past couple of days.\u201d\u00a0 Ben pulled the covers up and Joe rolled onto his side snuggling deep against the pillow.<\/p>\n Ben stood and watched Joe slumber.\u00a0 For the first time in many weeks he felt a bit of the burden lift from his shoulders.\u00a0 After an hour of watching Joe sleeping peacefully, Ben decided to go and fill the water buckets.\u00a0 It wouldn\u2019t take long with the water pump being right outside of the cabin door.\u00a0 He filled the two tin buckets and walked up the one step to the porch.\u00a0 Ben set down one of the buckets on the floor so he could then turn the doorknob with his hand.\u00a0 As he opened the door he was shocked to see his son standing there before him.\u00a0 Joe charged the door and Ben fell back against it\u2019s frame.\u00a0 Ben reached for Joe\u2019s arm and Joe came back with a violent left hook to Ben\u2019s jaw.\u00a0 Stunned, Ben fell back against the wall, hitting his head as he went down.\u00a0 Joe scrambled outside.\u00a0 He had hoped there would be a horse but found none.\u00a0 He then ran into the dense woods, with escape his only thought.<\/p>\n What had made Hoss decide to go to the cabin that day he wasn\u2019t sure.\u00a0 He knew that it was two days ahead of schedule, but couldn\u2019t shake off the worry he was feeling.\u00a0 Hoss hoped his father would not be mad at his disobedience but he knew he had to check on things or he wouldn\u2019t get anything accomplished that day.<\/p>\n When Hoss arrived at the cabin he saw the open door.\u00a0 As he went up the step he saw the over turned bucket.\u00a0 Hoss\u2019 mind flashed wildly with dread as he hurried inside.\u00a0 Ben had just regained consciousness and he sat on the floor rubbing the back of his head.<\/p>\n \u201cPa!\u201d\u00a0 Hoss exclaimed and kneeled next to him. \u201cWhat happened?\u201d Hoss asked seeing the bruise that now appeared on his father\u2019s lower right jaw.<\/p>\n Ben groaned and stood up.\u00a0 \u201cJoseph.\u201d He said quietly.\u00a0 \u201cHoss, he got away. You have to go find him.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cFind him!\u201d\u00a0 Hoss yelled.\u00a0 \u201cYeah find him and break him in two!\u201d\u00a0 Hoss started to turn around but Ben caught his arm.\u00a0 \u201cHoss, Joseph didn\u2019t know what he was doing\u2014don\u2019t hurt him!\u201d Ben pleaded.<\/p>\n \u201cI don\u2019t want to hear it, Pa.\u00a0 He\u2019s not getting away with this.\u201d\u00a0 Hoss ran outside and quickly mounted his horse.\u00a0 Ben stood in the doorway worried about what Hoss would do when he found his brother.<\/p>\n Joe had made a bad decision in cutting across an open field.\u00a0 It was there that Hoss first spotted his brother.\u00a0 He raced Chub across the field and reined him hard to stop right in front of Joe.<\/p>\n \u201cLeave me alone, Hoss!\u201d\u00a0 Joe shouted as the big man approached him.<\/p>\n \u201cI ought to kill you for what you did to Pa!\u201d\u00a0 Hoss shouted grabbing Joe up with his massive hand. Joe fought against the hold.\u00a0 \u201cThe only thing that\u2019s stopping me from breaking you in two right now is how Pa would take it.\u201d Hoss vehemently spoke and shook Joe roughly.<\/p>\n \u201cLet me go!\u201d Joe continued to shout.<\/p>\n Hoss released Joe\u2019s shirt at the same time he drew back his right fist and leveled Joe to the ground.\u00a0 Hoss stood there staring down at his unconscious brother.\u00a0 He felt sick to his stomach for what he had done to him.\u00a0 Hoss bent down and lifting his brother carried him over to where Chub waited.<\/p>\n Ben had seen Hoss approaching with Joe slung in front of him on the saddle.\u00a0 For a brief moment, the thought had occurred to him that maybe Hoss had killed his brother.\u00a0 Ben shook himself out of his daze and hurried over to Hoss.\u00a0 Hoss read his father\u2019s worried expression.\u00a0 \u201cNaw, Pa.\u00a0 I just knocked him out.\u201d Hoss said answering the question that had not been spoken in words.<\/p>\n They carried Joe to the bunk and secured the restraints on his wrists.\u00a0 \u201cWhat now?\u201d\u00a0 Hoss asked earnestly staring again at Ben\u2019s battered face.<\/p>\n \u201cGo bring the buckboard.\u00a0 We\u2019ll take him home.\u201d\u00a0 Ben sighed sitting down at the table.<\/p>\n \u201cHome?\u201d Hoss asked bewildered.\u00a0 Ben looked up at his middle son, unconcerned with the tears that were leaving his own eyes.\u00a0 \u201cHome and then we\u2019ll get him to that hospital.\u201d\u00a0 Ben spoke with sorrow in his words.\u00a0 Hoss put his hand on his father\u2019s shoulder and nodded.\u00a0 He knew this concession was an enormous one for Ben to make.\u00a0 He was finally admitting that Joe needed more help than a father\u2019s love could give.<\/p>\n The ride by stagecoach to San Francisco was a three day journey.\u00a0 Fortunately, after the first stop, Ben and Joe had been the only two passengers.\u00a0 With the help of the sedation medicine Doctor Martin had given Ben, Joe had slept most of the trip.<\/p>\n Upon arriving at the stage depot in San Francisco, there was a carriage waiting to escort the two Cartwrights to the hospital.\u00a0 A wheelchair was brought out to meet the carriage and Joe was whisked away to his room.\u00a0 Ben had been taken to the admitting doctor\u2019s office where he was first introduced to Doctor Harold Peele.<\/p>\n \u201cMr. Cartwright, Doctor Martin sent me all the information on your son and we have already gotten him settled in his room.\u201d\u00a0 The doctor explained as he took a seat behind his desk.\u00a0 Ben sat sullenly, still fighting with his decision to bring Joseph here in the first place.\u00a0 Guilt having settled in, he now did not know what to say to the doctor.<\/p>\n The doctor gazed knowingly at the worried father before him.\u00a0 It was a sight he had seen many times and figured he would see many more times before retirement.\u00a0 A father trying to decide what was best for his son and struggling with the decision to have him committed.<\/p>\n \u201cMr. Cartwright, I promise you we will take care of your son.\u00a0 It\u2019s going to take awhile though\u2014considering the level of his addiction.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI was going to take a room at the hotel across the street.\u201d\u00a0 Ben replied.<\/p>\n \u201cNo.\u00a0 I will have to advise against that.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cBut why?\u201d\u00a0 Ben asked disturbed.<\/p>\n \u201cYou have to let go of him.\u201d\u00a0 The doctor spoke softly and walked around to the front of his desk.\u00a0 \u201cThis is going to take months.\u00a0 It\u2019s not just a matter of the withdrawal\u2014it\u2019s also the battle to stop the addiction.\u00a0 And it\u2019s not going to be easy on your son.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI feel like I am abandoning him.\u201d\u00a0 Ben said in desperate tones.<\/p>\n \u201cYou are giving him the chance to return to his normal self.\u00a0 I know how hard this is.\u00a0 Doctor Martin filled me in on all you tried to do.\u00a0 This time let us handle it.<\/p>\n My staff and I will do everything in our power to bring back the Joe you know and love.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben stood.\u00a0 \u201cYou will keep me informed?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOf course.\u00a0 I will send you regular updates.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cCan I write Joseph?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019d rather you not.\u00a0 At least until we have it all under control.\u201d The doctor was insistent.<\/p>\n Ben sighed deeply.\u00a0 Letting go, leaving Joe in the hands of strangers, was like cutting off one of his own arms.<\/p>\n \u201cCan I see him before I leave?\u201d\u00a0 Ben pleaded.\u00a0 The doctor gave a sympathetic smile.<\/p>\n \u201cOf course, but you have to remember something.\u00a0 That boy in the other room is fighting his own demons right now.\u00a0 Anything he says to you will be out of anger and pain.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI understand.\u201d\u00a0 Ben nodded.<\/p>\n \u201cKeep it brief, Mr. Cartwright, for both of your sakes.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben walked out of the office and down the long corridor, which led to his son\u2019s room.\u00a0 An orderly unlocked the door and Ben entered the room.\u00a0 Joe was in a hospital gown with a heavy robe over his shoulders.\u00a0 There were cloth padded restraints on both of his wrists.\u00a0 Ben moved toward the bed.<\/p>\n \u201cJoseph\u2014I have to be going now.\u201d\u00a0 Ben said sitting on the bed next to Joe.<\/p>\n \u201cDon\u2019t leave me here!\u201d\u00a0 Joe shouted, his whole body shaking violently.<\/p>\n \u201cI have to, son.\u00a0 But I\u2019ll be back\u2014when you are all better.\u201d\u00a0 Ben reached to touch Joe\u2019s cheek but Joe angrily turned his head away.<\/p>\n \u201cIf you leave me here I never want to see you again!\u201d\u00a0 Joe shouted.<\/p>\n \u201cI have to.\u201d\u00a0 Ben replied somberly.<\/p>\n \u201cI hate you!\u201d\u00a0 Joe screamed and fought with his restraints.<\/p>\n Ben stood and looked one last time at his son and whispered.\u00a0 \u201cI love you, Joseph.\u201d\u00a0 He then turned quickly and walked out of the room.\u00a0 Ben felt the tears as they stung his eyes and rolled down his cheeks.\u00a0 He also felt a stabbing pain in his heart.\u00a0 Doctor Peele appeared from around the corner and approached Ben.\u00a0 He put his hand on Ben\u2019s shoulder.\u00a0 \u201cThe next time you see him, you\u2019ll have your son back.\u201d\u00a0 The doctor reassured.<\/p>\n Ben brushed his eyes quickly on his sleeves and met the doctor\u2019s eyes.<\/p>\n \u201cTake care of my boy.\u201d\u00a0 Ben said in a soft whisper and turned to leave.<\/p>\n Ben Cartwright was vaulted back from his deep thoughts about his son when a loud knock sounded at the front door.\u00a0 He walked to the door and opened it to see one of the hired hands.\u00a0 \u201cWhat brings you out so late, Jeff\u201d Ben questioned.<\/p>\n \u201cHere.\u201d The man said handing his boss a telegraph.\u00a0 \u201cPete at the telegraph office said to bring this right out to you.\u00a0 Hope it\u2019s good news!\u201d Jeff smiled.<\/p>\n \u201cYes!\u00a0 It\u2019s good news!\u00a0 Very good news!\u201d Ben smiled and turned to call for Hoss.<\/p>\n Hoss ran down the stairs.\u00a0 \u201cPa\u2014what is it?\u201d Hoss asked looking over at the two men who stood in the doorway.<\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019s from Doctor Peele\u2014he said they are going to release Joseph.\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss hugged his father and shook Jeff\u2019s hand happily.\u00a0 It was the news they had long awaited.<\/p>\n Hoss remained back at the ranch to take care of business even though he wanted to be there with his father to bring Joe home.<\/p>\n Again a carriage met Ben at the depot and drove him to the hospital.\u00a0 Before he could get to his office. Doctor Peele greeted Ben warmly.\u00a0 \u201cGood to see you Mr. Cartwright!\u201d\u00a0 Harold shook Ben\u2019s hand and led him into his office.\u00a0 Ben sat opposite the doctor.\u00a0 \u201cWell\u2014how is he?\u201d\u00a0 Ben nervously asked.<\/p>\n \u201cHe\u2019s done wonderfully!\u00a0 Of course you know what all he\u2019s been through from my letters.\u201d\u00a0 Ben nodded.<\/p>\n \u201cI can\u2019t wait to see him!\u201d\u00a0 Ben said anxiously.<\/p>\n \u201cThere are a couple of things we have to talk about first.\u201d\u00a0 The doctor replied cryptically.<\/p>\n \u201cOh?\u201d Ben asked and hoped it wasn\u2019t bad news.<\/p>\n \u201cRelax, Mr. Cartwright, it\u2019s nothing that can\u2019t be fixed.\u201d\u00a0 The doctor handed Ben some coffee and he accepted it gratefully.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat is it then?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhen I told your son a week ago that he was going to be released soon he told me he could never go home to you.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhat?\u201d Ben asked incredulously.\u00a0 He wondered if perhaps, Joe still held it against him for committing him.<\/p>\n \u201cIt seems he remembers most of everything that happened between you and your other son and him.\u00a0 He thinks you both can\u2019t possibly forgive him for all that he did.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThat\u2019s so far from the truth!\u201d\u00a0 Ben exclaimed.\u00a0 \u201cWe hold nothing against Joseph.\u00a0 We only want him back. Nothing else\u2014we need him\u2014we love him.\u201d<\/p>\n The doctor smiled.\u00a0 \u201cYou don\u2019t have to sell me on the idea, Mr. Cartwright.\u00a0 I know you love him.\u00a0 But you may have to sell Joe on the idea.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhere is he?\u201d\u00a0 Ben stood up.<\/p>\n \u201cWait here a few minutes.\u00a0 I wasn\u2019t exactly honest with Joe.\u00a0 He doesn\u2019t know you are here.\u00a0 I told him I would release him today after he saw one more doctor.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAnother doctor? Ben asked.<\/p>\n \u201cWell, from what Doctor Martin told me, you could consider yourself a doctor.\u00a0 He said you made an excellent assistant!\u201d<\/p>\n Ben grinned.\u00a0 \u201cI see.\u201d\u00a0 Ben nodded and sat back down to wait for Joe to be brought in.<\/p>\n Joe gathered up a few books that Doctor Peele had given him to keep.\u00a0 They were just about his only possessions now.\u00a0 He placed them into his clothes bag and turned as Harold walked into the room.<\/p>\n \u201cJust about ready?\u201d\u00a0 The doctor asked.<\/p>\n \u201cYeah\u2014hey I just wanted to thank you for all your help and for being so kind to me\u2014\u201d Joe\u2019s voice trailed off trying to resist the emotion.<\/p>\n Harold put his hand on Joe\u2019s shoulder. \u201cYou\u2019ve thanked me enough, Joseph.\u00a0 Just remember what you have learned here so it will never happen again.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe nodded solemnly.\u00a0 \u201cHey thanks for giving me the address to that boarding house.\u00a0 I looked at the paper today and saw a couple of jobs I\u2019m going to try for.\u201d\u00a0 Joe tried to<\/p>\n sound more in control than what he was feeling.<\/p>\n \u201cWell, I\u2019m sure you\u2019ll do fine in whatever you try.\u00a0 Now, are you ready to see the last doctor of your stay?\u201d<\/p>\n Joe nodded.\u00a0 \u201cYeah, let\u2019s get it over with.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0 Joe followed the doctor out of the room and down the corridor to his office.\u00a0 Doctor Peele opened the door letting Joe enter first.\u00a0 He took two steps inside the room and noticed there was a man across the room staring out of the window.\u00a0 He had his back toward both Joe and the doctor.\u00a0 There was something familiar Joe thought in the set of the man\u2019s shoulders\u2014the hair.\u00a0 Before Joe could finish his thought the man turned around and Joe was now facing his father.<\/p>\n \u201cHello, Joseph.\u201d\u00a0 Ben spoke softly.\u00a0 Harold quietly backed out of the room closing the door behind him.<\/p>\n So many thoughts raced now through Joe\u2019s mind.\u00a0 He loved this man more than anyone in the world, a man who had always taken care of him and forgiven him no matter what the problem.\u00a0 But, how could his father ever forgive him for what he had done?\u00a0 Joe\u2019s mind remembered all the shouting, the threats, telling his father how much he hated him.\u00a0 Telling him he never wanted to see him again.\u00a0 And then there was that hit\u2014the left hook to his own father\u2019s face.\u00a0 No, that could never be forgiven!<\/p>\n Joe fought to find the words\u2014any words.\u00a0 He finally choked out, \u201cPa\u2014why are you here?\u201d<\/p>\n Ben was caught aback by the question.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m here to take you home, Joseph.\u201d He replied nearing Joe.<\/p>\n Joe turned abruptly and walked over to the window.\u00a0 \u201cI can\u2019t go home, Pa.\u201d\u00a0 He said remorsefully.<\/p>\n \u201cWhy, son?\u201d\u00a0 Ben walked once more to meet Joe who stood facing away from him.<\/p>\n \u201cPa, I remember everything! God, I wish I didn\u2019t\u2014-but I do!\u201d\u00a0 Joe\u2019s voice broke and tears started to fall uncontrollably from his eyes.\u00a0 \u201cI remember what I said to you.\u201d\u00a0 Joe stopped and dropped his head down.<\/p>\n Ben reached over and took Joe by the shoulders.\u00a0 \u201cJoseph, that wasn\u2019t you saying those things\u2014it was the morphine.\u201d\u00a0 Ben tried to reason with his son.<\/p>\n Joe shook his head sadly.\u00a0 \u201cYou and Hoss should hate me for what I did.\u00a0 I lied\u2014I stole\u2014\u201d Joe paused and finally met Ben\u2019s eyes.\u00a0 \u201cOh, God, Pa, I hit you!\u201d\u00a0 He exclaimed with an emotion that ripped through his tortured soul.\u00a0 \u201cI would rather take a knife and plunge it into my heart than to hit you, Pa!\u201d\u00a0 Joe sobbed.<\/p>\n Ben pulled Joe into an embrace.\u00a0 \u201cIf you don\u2019t come home that is exactly what you would be doing to me!\u00a0 You\u2019d be stabbing ME in the heart!\u201d\u00a0 Ben\u2019s voice quivered at the thought of not having his son back home with him.\u00a0 Joe continued to cry and Ben fought to find the right words of consolation.<\/p>\n \u201cHoss is not mad at you, Joseph.\u00a0 In fact, he has asked me every day for the last four months when you were coming home.\u00a0 Hoss loves you!\u201d\u00a0 Ben stopped and lifted Joe\u2019s chin so he could see his eyes.\u00a0 \u201cI love you.\u00a0 And nothing you can ever do will change that.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cBut I hit you, Pa!\u201d Joe stammered as if that one action had forever destroyed the tremendous bond that the two of them had shared.<\/p>\n Ben tilted his head a little and gave a convincing smile.\u00a0 \u201cJoseph\u2014look at me!\u201d\u00a0 Ben said and Joe looked back up.\u00a0 \u201cIt wasn\u2019t much of a hit!\u201d\u00a0 Ben teased to make light of the punch.\u00a0 Joe, now fully aware of his father\u2019s attempt at humor broke in to a smile of his own.\u00a0 Ben had waited so long to see that smile again!\u00a0 It was a smile only Joe possessed and it could melt Ben\u2019s heart like nothing else in the world.\u00a0 Ben hugged Joe again, this time harder than before, making up for the long four months that he had been waiting to do just that.\u00a0 So joyous in the fact that the young man he now held was his son. Not the drug controlled person he left four months earlier in restraints.<\/p>\n \u201cLet\u2019s go home, Pa.\u201d\u00a0 Joe whispered.<\/p>\n By the time that Ben and Joe made it back to the Ponderosa ranch house, the emotional distance between them had begun to close.\u00a0 Joe had shared with his father all the experiences he had in the hospital, both good and bad.\u00a0 Ben had listened intently and marveled at Joe\u2019s acceptance of his horrible ordeal.<\/p>\n Hoss sat anxiously awaiting his family\u2019s return in the living room.\u00a0 He stood as he heard the door open and saw both his father and his brother enter the room.<\/p>\n Joe apprehensively approached his big brother.\u00a0 \u201cHoss.\u201d\u00a0 Joe started but was cut off from further words as he was engulfed in a huge bear hug.<\/p>\n \u201cShort Shanks!\u00a0 Boy have I missed you!\u201d\u00a0 Hoss exclaimed still embracing his brother.\u00a0 Joe had expected something totally different.\u00a0 He thought Hoss would still be mad at him for all the sorrow he had caused.<\/p>\n Hoss\u2019 hug brought tears to Joe\u2019s eyes.\u00a0 \u201cHoss\u2014I\u2019m so sorry for what I did and what I put you and Pa through.\u00a0 I promise that we\u2019ll all be a family again. I\u2019ll do whatever it takes!\u201d\u00a0 Joe cried in his brother\u2019s arms.<\/p>\n Ben watched the scene as it unfolded before him.\u00a0 Joe\u2019s words echoed in his ears, for they were his father\u2019s words as well.\u00a0 \u201cWhatever it takes,\u201d\u00a0Ben whispered and, smiling at his two sons, joined them in a hug.<\/p>\n The End<\/p>\n Next in the Whatever It Takes Series:<\/strong><\/p>\n Absolute Faith Disclaimer:\u00a0All publicly recognizable characters and settings are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n Tags: \u00a0<\/strong>addiction, Family, Joe \/ Little Joe Cartwright, Recovery<\/p>\n
\n Absolute Faith
\n<\/a>A Part of the Main<\/a>
\nMustard Seed<\/a>
\nTo Help a Stranger (by Deb)<\/a>
\nOf One Breath<\/a><\/em><\/p>\n
\n<\/a>A Part of the Main<\/a>
\nMustard Seed<\/a>
\nTo Help a Stranger<\/a><\/em><\/p>\n