{"id":4380,"date":"2013-06-28T02:53:03","date_gmt":"2013-06-28T06:53:03","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=4380"},"modified":"2026-07-22T09:31:00","modified_gmt":"2026-07-22T13:31:00","slug":"blueberry-burglary","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=4380","title":{"rendered":"Blueberry Burglary (by Puchi Ann)"},"content":{"rendered":"

Summary: \u00a0<\/span>When three pies go missing at the Ponderosa, everyone’s suspicions naturally turn to a particular Cartwright, but who actually ate all the pies?<\/p>\n

Rated: K \u00a0WC \u00a02400<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Blueberry Burglary<\/strong><\/p>\n

The food that evening had been delicious, as usual, but none of the Cartwrights had fully enjoyed the meal.\u00a0 The Cantonese rumblings from the next room were loud enough and angry enough to take the edge off even Hoss\u2019s appetite, and, so far, neither Ben nor Adam had found the manly valor nor thirteen-year-old Joe the adolescent audacity to ask what the problem was.\u00a0 Such inquiries historically had led to threats of a return to China with little enlightenment ensuing.\u00a0 So, they ate in near silence with darting glances thrown kitchenward between bites.<\/p>\n

When a still-grumbling Hop Sing came in to clear the table, Hoss heroically pasted a hopeful smile on his face and asked, \u201cWhat\u2019s for dessert?\u201d<\/p>\n

Hop Sing glowered at him, spewed another volley of irate Chinese and finally concluded with a single phrase in his distinctive English.\u00a0 \u201cYou know alleady!\u201d<\/p>\n

Smile evaporating, Hoss stared back in blank innocence.\u00a0 \u201cHuh?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou know,\u201d Hop Sing repeated, accusative eyes circling the table to take in all the Cartwrights.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhy you starin\u2019 at me?\u201d Little Joe demanded.\u00a0 \u201cI don\u2019t know nothin\u2019.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou know; all know,\u201d the volatile cook insisted.<\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t!\u201d the boy declared, followed by a nervous nibble of his lower lip and a furtive glance across the table.<\/p>\n

\u201cNor do I,\u201d Adam stated calmly.<\/p>\n

\u201cMe, neither,\u201d Hoss protested.<\/p>\n

\u201cThat makes it unanimous,\u201d Ben gruffly announced.\u00a0 Then he turned to the Chinaman.\u00a0 \u201cNow, is it asking too much to be told what you\u2019ve prepared for dessert tonight?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cPie\u2014blueberry pie\u2014three!\u201d Hop Sing sputtered.<\/p>\n

\u201cHot diggity!\u201d Hoss cried, rubbing his hands together and smacking his lips.\u00a0 \u201cMy favorite!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cEverything\u2019s your favorite,\u201d Adam observed dryly.<\/p>\n

\u201cPretty much,\u201d Hoss agreed genially.\u00a0 \u201cWell, bring \u2018em on, Hop Sing.\u00a0 Two for me, since I appreciate \u2018em, and one for the rest of these ingrates to share.\u201d<\/p>\n

Before his brothers could protest either his characterization of them or the uneven distribution of dessert, Hop Sing snorted, \u201cYou appreciate too much alleady\u2014three pie too much.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam steepled his fingers.\u00a0 \u201cAm I to understand, Hop Sing, that tonight\u2019s dessert\u2014all three pies of it\u2014has gone missing?\u201d<\/p>\n

Hop Sing\u2019s chin bobbed in furious affirmation.\u00a0 \u201cAll gone\u2014even pans!\u201d<\/p>\n

Little Joe glared across the table at the self-proclaimed appreciator of all pies in general and blueberry in particular.\u00a0 \u201cThree?\u00a0 All by yourself?\u00a0 Why, you selfish excuse for a\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI never!\u201d Hoss declared, slamming his hand on the tabletop.\u00a0 \u201cI ain\u2019t had a bite.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThis would appear to warrant investigation,\u201d Adam said.<\/p>\n

The Chinese cook scowled at the unfamiliar English words.\u00a0 \u201cWhat that?\u201d he demanded.<\/p>\n

\u201cAsk questions; find truth,\u201d Adam explained simply.<\/p>\n

The almond eyes narrowed to slivers.\u00a0 \u201cKnow truth.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam shook his head.\u00a0 \u201cGuess, not know.\u201d\u00a0 When he saw the slivers slowly broaden in concession, he quickly asked, \u201cWhen did you last see these allegedly pilfered pies, Hop Sing?\u201d<\/p>\n

Hop Sing wasn\u2019t sure he understood what \u201callegedly\u201d or \u201cpilfered\u201d meant, but he answered readily, \u201cWhen take pie from oven.\u00a0 Put on ledge outside window, for cool, like always.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThat was the last you saw of them?\u201d Adam probed.<\/p>\n

Hop Sing frowned in thought for a moment.\u00a0 \u201cNo.\u00a0 Saw when go root cellar for carrot, potato.\u00a0 Busy cooking after.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAll right,\u201d Adam said.\u00a0 \u201cWhen did you discover they were missing?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cRight after serve stew,\u201d Hop Sing grunted.\u00a0 \u201cReady cut pie, but pie gone.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam thoughtfully stroked his chin.\u00a0 \u201cA fairly narrow window of opportunity.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhich should exonerate me, at least,\u201d Ben stated bluntly.\u00a0 \u201cI barely returned from Carson City before that stew was dished up.\u201d<\/p>\n

For a moment Hop Sing looked reluctant to release anyone from suspicion, but he finally nodded.\u00a0 \u201cNot Mr. Ben.\u201d\u00a0 His glare at the Cartwright sons, however, intensified.\u00a0 \u201cThree pies\u2014three boys,\u201d he growled.<\/p>\n

Hoss and Little Joe erupted with declarations of innocence, but Adam signaled them to be quiet.\u00a0 Then he loftily asked the cook, \u201cAre you seriously suggesting a conspiracy to burgle your blueberries?\u00a0 That implies planning, and by the same logic that exonerates our honorable father, I scarcely had the time, since I came in from work only half an hour before Pa arrived.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cMeaning me and Hoss hatched it?\u201d Little Joe asked hotly.<\/p>\n

\u201cWouldn\u2019t be the first time,\u201d Adam observed with a sardonic smile.\u00a0 \u201cMischief and Mayhem Incorporated.\u201d<\/p>\n

Little Joe bolted to his feet and all but lunged at his older brother as he shouted denials.\u00a0 When Hoss also lumbered up from his chair to tower over Adam, Ben thundered like a patriarch of old, \u201cSit down, both of you!\u201d<\/p>\n

With a sulky pout Little Joe plopped down in his chair, and although that expression almost never graced Hoss\u2019s placid face, he also displayed it as he took his seat, muttering, \u201cWeren\u2019t me.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat\u2019s that?\u201d Ben demanded.\u00a0 \u201cDon\u2019t mumble, boy.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cDoggone it, Pa!\u201d Hoss fumed.\u00a0 \u201cFood goes missin\u2019, ever\u2019one looks at me, and I ain\u2019t no pie thief!\u00a0 I might-a had a mite more chance to filch \u2018em than you or Adam, but\u201d\u2014his face stiffened as a sudden thought made him stare across the table\u2014\u201cbut I ain\u2019t the one had the best chance nor the longest one.\u00a0 Like you and Adam, I been working away from home most of the day, but little brother there, he\u2019s been home since school let out . . . right about the time them pies likely got put on that ledge.\u201d<\/p>\n

Silence dropped over the room like a shroud, and slowly every eye in the room turned skeptically on Hoss.\u00a0 No one could fault his logic, but the notion that the person with the smallest appetite on the Ponderosa had single-handedly disposed of three whole pies and then eaten a full supper on top of that was so patently ridiculous that no one, not even the irate Chinese cook, could take it seriously.\u00a0 No one, apparently, except the young Cartwright so accused.<\/p>\n

Little Joe managed to keep his seat in deference to Pa\u2019s bellowed edict of moments before, but he stabbed an angry index finger at his middle brother.\u00a0 \u201cYou\u2019re accusin\u2019 me?\u00a0 That\u2019s rich!\u00a0 After what I done for\u2014\u201d he clamped his mouth shut as he felt the iron fingers of his father\u2019s hand clamp around his left wrist.<\/p>\n

\u201cJust what is the meaning of this<\/em>, young man?\u201d Ben asked tersely.<\/p>\n

Little Joe\u2019s complexion turned seasick green, and unintelligible gurgles bubbled up his throat as all eyes focused on his index finger.<\/p>\n

\u201cAha!\u201d Hoss cried, pointing.\u00a0 \u201cThere\u2019s your proof!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo!\u201d anger helped Little Joe to spew out.\u00a0 Finally finding his tongue, he sputtered, \u201cIt\u2019s not what it looks like.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOh, I would hope not,\u201d Adam chuckled, \u201cbecause that finger has a distinct blueberry tint to it.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIs-a not funny,\u201d the Chinaman growled.\u00a0 Then, shaking his head reproachfully, he said, \u201cHop Sing not think this of you, Little Joe.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI . . . didn\u2019t . . . do . . . it.\u201d\u00a0 Each word staggered out as slowly and significantly as if it were its own sentence.<\/p>\n

\u201cThere is some evidence to the contrary, son,\u201d Ben said, nodding toward the condemning hand as he released it.<\/p>\n

With eyes eloquently pleading for belief, Little Joe turned to his father.\u00a0 \u201cI know,\u201d he admitted, \u201cbut I didn\u2019t take them pies, and I didn\u2019t eat them pies . . . more than a taste.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAha!\u201d Hoss cried again.<\/p>\n

\u201cWill you hush?\u201d Little Joe yelled, scowling across the table.\u00a0 \u201cLast time I try to help you!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cMe!\u201d Hoss shouted.\u00a0 \u201cDon\u2019t drag me into this, you miserable, lyin\u2019 little\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cEnough!\u201d Ben bellowed.\u00a0 And everyone cringed, Hoss worst of all.\u00a0 Even though everyone at the table knew from experience that Little Joe was well capable of bending the truth, they also well knew that to accuse a brother of lying was almost as high a crime before the tribunal of Judge Ben Cartwright.\u00a0 When the room was silent, Ben said, \u201cNow, Joseph, I am going to give you one chance to explain yourself, and I strongly recommend that you tell the truth . . . the whole<\/em> truth . . . and nothing<\/em> but the truth.\u201d<\/p>\n

As soberly as if he were facing a real court, Little Joe raised his incriminating left hand.\u00a0 \u201cI swear.\u201d\u00a0 At his father\u2019s nod he continued, \u201cI didn\u2019t take the pies, and I didn\u2019t eat the pies.\u00a0 When I went back to the outhouse, though, I did see a pan on the ground\u2014empty . . . well, almost empty.\u00a0 Someone\u201d\u2014he aimed a cutting glance at Hoss\u2014\u201chad eat the whole thing, except for some fruit syrup stickin\u2019 to the sides.\u201d\u00a0 He held up his blue-stained index finger and slowly circled it in the air.\u00a0 \u201cI run my finger all around the pan and licked off what was left, but that\u2019s all the pie I had.\u201d\u00a0 His gaze at Hoss narrowed.\u00a0 \u201cI only saw the one pan, though; I never dreamed that someone had et up three whole pies.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI ain\u2019t even had a finger-lickin\u2019,\u201d Hoss insisted, raising his clean hands to prove his point.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhere other pans?\u201d Hop Sing demanded.<\/p>\n

Little Joe spread and lifted his open palms.\u00a0 \u201cI don\u2019t know; I never saw \u2018em.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhere pan you see?\u201d the cook persisted.<\/p>\n

\u201cBehind the outhouse,\u201d Little Joe answered.\u00a0 Then, seeing the stupified looks everyone at the table was giving him, he explained quickly, \u201cI figured Hoss had took the pie and done a mighty poor job of hiding the evidence, so\u2014so I thought I\u2019d cover for him, wash up the pan and sneak it back in later.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhy . . . thanks, little brother,\u201d Hoss said, every trace of irritation fading from his face.\u00a0 \u201cThat was right nice of you . . . even if you was wrong about me.\u201d<\/p>\n

Little Joe shrugged.\u00a0 \u201cYou done it for me, plenty times.\u201d\u00a0 Seeing his father\u2019s eyebrow arching up, he tapered off in a quick decision to quit while he was behind.<\/p>\n

Adam cleared his throat.\u00a0 \u201cMay I suggest that we adjourn to the \u2018scene of the crime\u2019?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat good that do?\u201d Hop Sing grunted.<\/p>\n

Adam copied his youngest brother\u2019s shrug.\u00a0 \u201cMaybe none, but we might, at least, find the missing pans.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNeed find,\u201d the cook decreed, so they all rose from the table and traipsed outside after Adam.<\/p>\n

They halted outside the kitchen window.\u00a0 \u201cNow, is this where you last saw the pies?\u201d Adam asked Hop Sing, who confirmed it with a stiff nod.<\/p>\n

Hoss stooped to examine the ground.\u00a0 \u201cTraces of blueberry here in the dust.\u201d\u00a0 He pointed toward the corner of the house as he stood.\u00a0 \u201cLeads off that way.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAll right,\u201d Adam said.\u00a0 \u201cFollow them if you can.\u00a0 Now, if you would be so kind, Little Joe, show us where you found the pie pan.\u00a0 That should narrow the search area for Hoss.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cRight over here,\u201d Little Joe said, trotting to the side of the house.\u00a0 The others followed him, Hoss slowly, so that he could carefully watch for signs of blueberry syrup mingled with the dirt.<\/p>\n

\u201cAnything?\u201d Adam asked when his brother had joined the rest of the family.<\/p>\n

\u201cYeah, some,\u201d Hoss said, \u201cbut trail basically leads here.\u201d\u00a0 He began walking in ever-enlarging circles before finally shaking his head.\u00a0 \u201cPretty much ends here, too.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWorth a try,\u201d Ben said, laying a consoling hand on his middle son\u2019s shoulder.\u00a0 \u201cLittle Joe, you\u2019d better get that pan you hid earlier and return it to Hop Sing.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYes, sir,\u201d Little Joe said.\u00a0 He scampered behind the outhouse while the others waited.\u00a0 \u201cHey!\u00a0 Give that back!\u201d they heard him yell, and they all rushed to the back side of the outhouse.\u00a0 There they saw the youngest Cartwright waging a tug-of-war with a nanny goat, who had the rim of the missing pie pan clamped in strong, possessive teeth.<\/p>\n

Spouting a stream of unintelligible Cantonese, Hop Sing darted forward to grab the pie pan, while Ben dashed over to snatch his youngest son about the waist.\u00a0 Both pulled with all their might.\u00a0 Ben hollered, \u201cLet go!\u201d but neither boy nor cook nor goat did, each undoubtedly assuming that the instruction was intended for someone else.\u00a0 With head cocked in concentration, Adam studied the pandemonium, while Hoss bent double, grabbing both knees, and loudly guffawed.<\/p>\n

Hoss recovered first.\u00a0 \u201cNo, no,\u201d he said as his hands circled Hop Sing\u2019s waist and easily lifted him out of the fray.\u00a0 \u201cThat ain\u2019t the way.\u201d\u00a0 At the same time Little Joe released his hold on the pie pan and landed on top of his father, who toppled into the dust the instant the boy\u2019s resistance relaxed.\u00a0 By the time Adam had helped both of them to their feet and brushed off the seat of Ben\u2019s britches, Hoss had one arm about the goat\u2019s neck and was whispering soothing words into her ear while he gently pried the pie tin from her mouth.<\/p>\n

Finally, he held it out to Hop Sing.\u00a0 \u201cThere\u2019s your pan,\u201d he said triumphantly, while the goat bleated in gape-mouthed frustration.<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd there\u2019s your pie thief.\u201d\u00a0 Adam pointed to the blue-stained tongue of the nanny goat.<\/p>\n

\u201cPans and all?\u201d Little Joe asked, wide-eyed.\u00a0 He\u2019d heard, of course, that a goat would eat anything, but would scarcely have given the notion credence before today.<\/p>\n

Adam chuckled.\u00a0 \u201cI imagine they\u2019re around somewhere, but, at least, we got one back for you, Hop Sing.\u201d<\/p>\n

The cook looked anything but pleased as he continued to rant, pointing out the toothy dents in his baking tin.\u00a0 \u201cHop Sing fixee nanny goat stew for next supper,\u201d he snorted, lapsing into English to deliver his conclusion.<\/p>\n

Grinning, Hoss shook his head.\u00a0 \u201cDon\u2019t reckon you better do that, Hop Sing,\u201d he advised.\u00a0 \u201cThat\u2019s Miss Amy\u2019s goat, and she\u2019ll likely put you in a stew if\u2019n you harm one hair\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOn Nanny\u2019s chinny chin chin,\u201d Adam finished with a wry smile.<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, mystery solved, at any rate,\u201d Ben said.\u00a0 \u201cHoss, you\u2019d better get that goat back to Miss Amy.\u00a0 Adam, you and Joe scout around, see if you can find those other pans somewhere in the bushes.\u201d\u00a0 Seeing Hop Sing about to object, he quickly added, \u201cAnd if they can\u2019t find them or they\u2019re not in good condition, I\u2019ll buy you a new set next time we\u2019re in town.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBetter go town soon, if want pie,\u201d Hop Sing grunted, although the thought of shiny new pans was already spreading a look of satisfaction across his face.<\/p>\n

The Cartwright boys fanned out to fulfill their various commissions, brotherly unity and good humor restored, despite that night\u2019s lack of dessert.<\/p>\n

\u00a0The End<\/p>\n

\u00a9June, 2013<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Summary: \u00a0When three pies go missing at the Ponderosa, everyone’s suspicions naturally turn to a particular Cartwright, but who actually ate all the pies?<\/p>\n

Rated: K \u00a0WC \u00a02400<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":48,"featured_media":4381,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"template-full-width-post.php","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_members_access_role":[],"_members_access_error":""},"categories":[1008,4,32,30],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-4380","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-family","category-humor","category-mystery","category-prequels","wpcat-1008-id","wpcat-4-id","wpcat-32-id","wpcat-30-id"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/Blueberry-Pie.jpg?fit=275%2C183&ssl=1","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4380","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/48"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=4380"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4380\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/4381"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=4380"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=4380"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=4380"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}