Pharoah<\/strong><\/p>\nBen sighed softly and held the inconsolable child tightly to his chest, feeling the uncomfortable pinch through his shirt as small fingers clutched at him in the immeasurable grief so often associated with the first real and personal encounter with death.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
He looked across the fire at Inger who cradled their baby son, sleeping now that he was satiated with milk. Her blue eyes, tear filled, met Ben\u2019s and mutely pleaded with him not to reproach her. It had, after all, been at her insistence that Adam had been allowed to keep the fish, anxious as she was that he not harbour any jealousy towards his new brother. In the days prior to young Eric\u2019s birth, Adam had accompanied his father and other men from the wagon train when they had gone fishing to supplement their limited diet.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Ben had chuckled as the excited child had caught one fairly quickly but it was far too small to consider cooking and Ben had urged him to return it to the river and wait patiently for something a little tastier. He was unaware that Inger had approached until she gave a low giggle at Adam\u2019s jubilation. The mad idea had been hers.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\u201cLet him keep it, Ben. I\u2019ve got a deep cooking pot with a broken rim. If you smooth it down so that he does not cut himself, he can keep the fish in that.\u201d<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\u201cInger, that\u2019s hardly practical. We\u2019ll have water sloshing everywhere in the wagon. Besides, what\u2019ll Adam feed it on?\u201d But even as Ben was attempting to raise objections, young Adam\u2019s eyes lit up at the prospect of having a pet; his father had refused to let him have one of the puppies born over at the Smithsons\u2019 wagon a month earlier. Surely he could not begrudge Adam having a fish!<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Inger was resolute. \u201cAdam can crumble some stale bread very finely. A fish that size is hardly going to eat all our supplies!\u201d<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Ben waited until Adam had run off back to the wagon to get the pot and glanced at the fish safely caught in the net resting in the water.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\u201cYou\u2019re so close to having the baby and Adam is going to have to shoulder more of the chores for a while. I don\u2019t want him spending all his time watching that fish. More importantly, I don\u2019t want him to lose interest in it after a couple of days and we have to take over the care of the thing.\u201d It was hard to reprimand her when she looked at him like that, her smile one of amused tolerance at his reluctance. Her hand reached out and cupped his cheek.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\u201cOh, Ben, don\u2019t take on so. It\u2019s a little fish. Adam is so good, he will not neglect it and even if he does grow tired of it – which I doubt very much – we can release it when we get to the next stream. It will be something that depends on him. Soon we will have the baby …\u201d<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\u201cAnd the baby will depend on him too. He\u2019ll be a responsible big brother,\u201d Ben interrupted.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\u201cOf course he will, but he\u2019s still a little boy, Ben. The baby will take up a lot of our time and attention, things that Adam has had totally from the pair of us, and especially from you. Now he\u2019ll have to share us.\u201d<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\u201cYou think he\u2019ll be jealous? That he won\u2019t love the baby?\u201d The thought had not occurred to Ben.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m sure that won\u2019t happen but we need to make him still feel special. You have not allowed him to have a pet and I know you have had very good reasons but a fish will take very little looking after and is hardly going to cost us a lot of money. You saw his face; he was delighted.\u201d<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Ben\u2019s resolve weakened. Adam had, indeed, been so happy that he did not have the heart to refuse him such a simple pleasure. He tried one more tack. \u201cSupposing he becomes really attached to it and it lasts ages, and then it dies?\u201d<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\u201cThen we\u2019ll deal with that when the time comes. He has known that people have died on the journey and you explained it all to him,\u201d Inger countered.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\u201cBut he wasn\u2019t close to them,\u201d Ben objected.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\u201cThen he has to learn that with life, there is death. You can\u2019t shield him from that reality forever. You told him about his mother.\u201d<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Ben hesitated. \u201cI\u2019ve wanted to keep her memory alive for him but he never knew her. He\u2019s an intelligent child, but I\u2019ve often wondered just how much he understands about Elizabeth.\u201d<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Inger\u2019s voice softened and her eyes searched his. \u201cThen maybe he will learn more through having a pet of some sort. If questions arrive, he\u2019ll ask and if he doesn\u2019t …. well, we will be there for him, to explain and talk him through it.\u201d<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Ben had no time to answer as Adam returned bearing the pot. He eagerly danced round his father as Ben filled the pot with water and gently eased the fish into it from the net. There was no need for words as Ben handed the pot to Adam. The child took a deep breath, his mouth forming a silent \u2018o\u2019, his eyes wide in wonder as he watched the small fish circling its new home. He turned and headed slowly back to the wagon, carrying the pot as though it were the most precious thing in the world and might break at any moment. Ben and Inger, arms entwined, watched him go.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
The fish had survived, far longer than either of them had expected. Eric was born, the weeks passed and Adam had proven himself to be a thoroughly reliable and caring fish owner.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
All had been well until this evening. The wagons had stopped to make camp for the night and, once the evening meal had been eaten, Adam had checked on the fish which, for a reason best known to himself, he had named Pharoah after Ben had read him some stories on ancient Egypt. Inger was feeding Eric as Ben relaxed by the fire when Adam reappeared, holding out the pot for his father\u2019s inspection, dark eyes brimming with tears and bottom lip quivering.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat\u2019s Pharoah doin\u2019, Pa? Why\u2019s he floating on his side? Why isn\u2019t he swimming?\u201d<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
From Adam\u2019s reaction, Ben realised that he already suspected the truth but was desperately hoping that his father would prove him wrong, that Ben would make everything right again. Only this time, Ben could not do it. He took the pot from the child\u2019s hands and, setting it aside, drew him down into his lap.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m sorry, Adam, but Pharoah\u2019 dead,\u201d he explained gently. At first, Adam had stared at him, reluctantly absorbing the information and considering the implications.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Ben watched him struggle to keep the tide of emotions in check; then came the questions and Ben tried to answer them as best he could. Why did Pharoah die? Was it something that Adam had or had not done? Was Pharoah a good fish? Did God let fish into heaven? If so, would Pharoah go to heaven? Ben knew what was coming next.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\u201cIs Pharoah in heaven with my Ma?\u201d<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
With Ben\u2019s reassurance that Elizabeth would look after Pharoah, the emotional storm erupted and the child sobbed uncontrollably. Eventually, Adam cried himself to sleep in his father\u2019s arms and Ben settled into rocking him, reluctant to lay him down. The pain would go in time but Pharoah would never be forgotten. They would talk about him and maybe, in time, Adam would have another pet and the cycle of life would go on. He would survive this, a child\u2019s first close encounter with death.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Someone moved into the circle of light given out by the fire. Smithson.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\u201cHey, Cartwright, you\u2019d better get some sleep like your boy. We may not be getting much for a while. The news is that we\u2019ll be in Indian country by this time tomorrow.\u201d<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
<\/div>\n